#and after mercy and excusing us from our mistakes

[neteyamsilly]

i will soften every edge, hold the world to its best | 5

summary ;; What could Jake do? How was he supposed to fight when he had no concrete opponent? PART 4 | PART 6 pairings ;; dad!jake sully x reader, mom!neytiri x reader, sully family x reader genre ;; pure angst and family feels notes / explanations ;; jake is so depressing here. i also took liberty with his character and the reasonings for his decisions in atwow, sorry in case if thats not how you see him LMAO happy reading 💞 please excuse my mistakes if you see any! ‼ I DONT TAKE TAG REQUESTS ANYMORE ‼

“One chance, Jakesuli. You will only have one chance. Use it well. Our Great Mother favors you, that we know. But this favor hasn’t been granted to you. It has been granted to my granddaughter.”

“I won’t fail.” Not again. 

“What does failing mean, I wonder. Would you fail if you take her soul back from her happiest? Or would you fail if you let her have the peace our Great Mother has laid her into?” 

“I will get my daughter back. This isn’t her time. If Eywa has given me this chance, then she thinks the same as me.”

“You will take that honor from her, then?” Mo’at was being cryptic, but Jake saw through the exterior of the neutral Tsahik into an exhausted, mourning grandmother. “She was the daughter of Toruk Makto, and he was her last shadow.”

It came back to Jake in a gut-churning realization, it was his shadow that had fallen over you from the light of the torches on the walls as you’d given your last breath. It was his shadow. “No,” he refused, adamantly. “She will get to achieve greater honors of her own than that. I won’t be the one defining her ending.” The last bead of your songcord having his name, Toruk Makto’s name, was supremely wrong to him. He would not accept this fate for you. 

“Very well, then.” Secretly, she was pleased with him. With his answer. “Get going. As I said. One chance.”  

Jake would never be able to get used to the magnificence that was Vitraya Ramunong, or, the Tree of Souls. To him, Pandora itself was a marvel already too good to be true that he’d fallen in love with, and abandoned his own race for, there was no getting used to the beauty for a human like him who’d only found it once in neon lights, ever. He could reach the end of his natural lifespan in this body and still there would be much left to discover. That’s why Jake was more vulnerable to one of the beating hearts of Eywa in the shape of a giant, glowing willow tree. 

No Na’vi was immune to the soul-purifying, all-consuming, yet being-dwarfing peace enveloping one’s very spirit, in a cradling hug as if they were nothing but a newborn in their mother’s arms. In here, only one fact mattered: they were childrens of Eywa, all of them dear, all of them seen, all of them safe and sound, including him, once alien to Eywa the way Earth was related to Pandora. Everything spoke to him here in a language he didn’t understand, but could respond to, again, in a language he didn’t understand, his soul doing the communicating. 

Jake was also a child here, Eywa’s chosen child. 

And he had come to her door for the most difficult request of his life, feeling like he was asking his mother for money right after he had crashed their car, unable to look her in the eye and expecting the biggest of scoldings for his shamelessness. 

This was nothing like asking for her assistance against the sky people, back then, he had agency, power, the clans backing him up, Toruk. If Eywa didn’t hear him, he would fight until the last drop of blood in his body was spent anyway, he was ready.

Now, he had nothing. 

Nothing to offer in return, not one concrete reason as to why he should have his daughter back other than being a desperate father with nowhere to return to other than the mercy of the Great Mother. He just wanted his child. Nothing mattered. 

Not how and why Quaritch had spawned right under his nose with an avatar body, not how they could even slither in without detection, not the threat of what the sky people could bring upon their heads with that — nothing, not now. Nothing mattered until he saw this through. 

Jake had found the will to quite literally tear himself from your side like nail from flesh only when you’d stabilized enough. Stabilized, as in, the faintest rise and fall of your ribcage Neteyam had to stare from where he was sitting like a sentinel for a full minute to spot, a tideless, still ocean only moving with whiffs of wind, his own breathing unnoticeable — to match yours, or to silence the sounds in his own body to hear better, Jake didn’t know. 

No sky person was allowed to take over from Mo’at and Kiri. Norm had told Jake none of this made sense, if the bullet had nicked the bowels enough and the dirt leaked into the bloodstream, the possibility of sepsis was eventual, and if it didn’t, you had bled too much anyway, a blood transfusion was necessary, and the internal organs... — Christ, the amount of bad end scenarios Jake had been subjected to was as if they were telling him to open a grave for you anyway. Tsahik had scoffed into their faces. The way of healing was something none of them would see, she had scoffed. Now ally, or not. You can’t fill a cup that’s already full. Jake was in a hopeless need for water into wine kind of miracle, and honestly, he wasn’t complaining. 

Leaving High Camp behind to set off on a journey calling for only him was one of the hardest things he’d done yet, the silhouette of you lying motionless, his family scattered around the tent, shadowed in their own mourning, folded into themselves was burned into his mind, glimpses of their pain visible from eclipses of light occasionally falling on their faces. A sight he never wanted to see again in his life if he could help it. It was a frosted, iron-thorned hand squishing his heart into ground meat. 

Tuk, ever the stingy monopolizer, had brought her favorite toys to scatter around you because she thought they’d comfort you the way they comforted her, had tried snuggling with your unconscious body and was warned by Kiri only to hold your hand instead. She had taken to playing with your fingers, the depressive gloom of years beyond her age crooked on her. Jake couldn’t stand the sight of the little girl telling you bedtime stories he and Neytiri used to, for a moment only, he could pretend you were just going along with your sister’s whims and smiling with your eyes closed as you listened. 

Kiri, buzzing around to change the bandage-leaves that soaked up some sort of sickly black colored puss every couple hours, had explained to him the salve they used on you was getting the infection and the splinters of the bullet they couldn’t get out of your body, which had turned the color of your blood into that — but the thing was, given the dwelling of the woodsprite in your mouth, they couldn’t feed you the porridge-like mix to speed up the process of blood production in the bone marrow, and she was exerting herself looking for some other way. 

Before he’d left the tent for good, she had handed him the bullet— or, the biggest piece of it they’d taken out of your body, it was a mere pursed and shriveled, tiny metal. The exhausted girl had stammered when explaining that whatever they’d hit you with, had broken into shards inside you upon impact, creating severe lacerations and lethal hemorrhage that they’d worked tirelessly to pick out.

Jake had stared hollowly at it for the longest time. This small thing. It was such a small thing that took you from him. 

The sentence that sent you away was also as small, and damning as this bullet. ‘Go.’   

Kiri had seen it sink in his face, closing her five-fingered hand on his palm, on the bullet. “You should get going, dad,” she’d said. “We’re okay here.”

Jake had taken one last look. At Neytiri wiping your body to clean all the congealed blood. At Tuk holding your hand. At Kiri trying to fill in shoes bigger than her feet. At you lying down with trinkets surrounding you like funeral flowers. And forced his body to keep moving when all he wanted to do was stay. 

He’d then heard Lo’ak complaining to his older brother outside the tent, “How can he be so cold?” The heaviness was getting to the boy, agitated and misapprehending. But he was always this way, if something was out of his control, the inability to act to change it manifested as frustration, blind anger. “Why is he so… unresponsive? Emotionless?”

Jake would have let it slide had it been about something else, but his children running their mouths not knowing he was a hair's breadth away from going clinically insane had gotten to him. He was burning alive. 

“You think I don’t care, boy?” He emerged from the tent like some last boss, initially not caring he’d scared the brothers. “You think I don’t feel at all? My own child dying in the same arms I used to hold her as a baby — you think that doesn’t faze me?”

Neteyam, the mediator, or rather, the blame-taker, ran to his little brother’s rescue, the latter too flabbergasted to form any words yet. “Dad, he doesn’t mean—”

“I know exactly what he means.” When the anger subsided, Jake sighed with the weariness of an ancient man. The flames had died before they could climb, he was too exhausted for it. Honesty and trust, as Neytiri had said. 

Having lost everything, having nothing to lose, and having a lot to lose were somehow simultaneously the same thing to Jake in the predicament he’d found himself in. “I know how you see me. You only know me as the person I want to show you.” 

Lo’ak’s go-to answer was presented to Jake on a silver platter. “Sorry, sir.”

It wasn’t what he wanted to hear at all. Jake wasn’t trying to get Lo’ak to bow his head. “Don’t apologize—” He cut himself short, licking his chapped lips, and after rubbing his face, he’d put his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Lo’ak. Son. I feel this, alright? Of course I do. I’m your father.” He shook him gently, feeling the words weren’t reaching him, who was just staring at something on the ground off to the side. “There’s no greater pain a parent can go through in life than losing his child. You can’t understand what this means right now—what it’s doing to me. You will only know when you become a father yourself.” He gently tapped Lo’ak on the chin so he would raise his head and look at him in the eye already. And when he did, Jake said what he said slowly, hoarsely. “But know this. Know I will lose myself if I lose you, or any of your siblings.” He turned to Neteyam as well, who was watching in full alert mode. “I’m fighting not to lose my sanity as we speak.”

Lo’ak swallowed, unsure and weirded out to hear something like this for the first time in his life. Jake didn’t blame him. He was never emotionally upfront or honest before, not even used to it, more awkward with it than his boys were. But none of that mattered. Not anymore, after what happened to you because of his shortcomings. “You just look so composed—“

“I have to be.” Jake shook his head, eyelids hanging heavy, his whole head was heavy. “I just can’t crumble under it, do you understand? I have to be strong. I can’t lose myself in it. Your sister needs me. You need me. To be strong.” He took his hands off the boy’s shoulders, putting a palm on his cheek and patting a few, fatherly times before backing off altogether. “Never say that I don’t care. Never. I might not show it—and it’s a father’s duty not to show it, so my family will have a stable anchor. Get what I’m saying?” 

Lo’ak looked reassured, lighter. So that’s what Neytiri had meant. “How… how can I help?”

His youngest son’s inclination to get to the root of the problem and pump out solutions was in consanguineous with his inability to stop and wait, uncomfortable in his skin when he couldn’t do anything to improve the situation and was confronted with the intimacy of having to feel, always wanting to act. Lo’ak was like Jake in that way. Awkward when it came to communication. Dishonest with themselves.  

“Stay here.” Jake said, right from his heart. “Stay safe. I don’t wish for anything else in this world.”

Lo’ak’s eyes softened, and as the father, Jake felt the renewal of the bond between them, saw the understanding in his youngest son, saw something else than the guilt and regret over being caught after mischief, for once. “I’m sorry, dad.”

“Don’t apologize.” He shared a meaningful look with him, trying to convey, again, his apology wasn’t what he wanted. Yet, his sons were defaulted to saying sorry half the time they spoke to him nowadays. Jake was understanding the severity of it, too much too late. Lo’ak nodded, ears tipped down slightly.

Then he turned to the eldest. “Neteyam—”

But he opened his mouth before Jake could say anything else. Ready. Always on his feet. “Yes, I will—”

Jake clicked his tongue. “Rest.”

Neteyam was about to say yes to whatever he was told to do, as always, but stopped right in the middle of it, voice catching in his throat, eyes blinking in confusion. “What?”

“Rest.” 

“But—”

“Rest, Neteyam, I won’t tell you again.”

God knows he needed it. Neteyam looked like he’d been having night terrors for days, accumulated anxiety making him jumpy. “Sorry, sir.”

“Stop—“ Jake caught himself before he could raise his voice. “Why are you apologizing?”

Neteyam didn’t talk for a while. But when he did, he was looking up at him underneath his lashes, unable to keep eye contact for more than two seconds. “It’s my fault.”

“Bro,” Lo’ak said, a pitiful objection.

Jake knew where this was going. “What is?” 

“I should have been there.�� He pressed his mouth into a thin line before furrowing his brow, closing his eyes. Jake knew what he was seeing, repeated over and over again in his mind. “I should have known right away when I couldn’t catch up to her. I could have prevented it. It’s my responsibility.” One tear slipped by as he hung his head. “My fault.”

There it is.

Jake had told him before. “You’re the older brother, you gotta act like it.” — even though you and him were more like affable twins than older brother and younger sister that he never had to explicitly be a guardian to you like he was to Lo’ak, he had to be thinking this was his biggest failure. Neteyam was just reflecting what he’d been taught, the standards his father was holding him up to. Of course the boy had been overthinking it to the point where he was the catalyst to the event by not predicting your fakeout. 

“No,” Jake rasped, after a beat. “This is on me first, and the sky people who got to her second. And that’s the end of the story.”

Neteyam, up until this point, had to bear half the blame, if not the rest of it, for the consequences of his siblings’ actions. Upon receiving this kind of answer, he startled with an incredulous gasp and full stare at Jake. “But I—”

“It’s not about you, Neteyam,” Jake explained, although the words were harsh, he had done his best to soften the impact. “I did this. Blame me, okay?”

‘How could I?’ was written in neon letters over the boy’s head even if he didn’t say anything. Too good-natured. He idolized Jake a lot more than the man deserved. “Mother was… she was… She is grieving, she doesn’t mean it.”

“You gotta stop making excuses for people, boy. Especially when they’re in the right.” A smile pulled on his lips, but died as it was born. “I pushed and pushed until we reached the edge, thinking there was never an edge at all. I should have known better. I should have been better. This is between me and your sister, and that’s why it is me who has to go to the Tree of Souls.” 

And he’d left, but not before pulling his boys into his chest, cradling the back of their heads against himself, the smell of home repulsing instead of comforting. Prickles on his skin was the comfort he got from being able to hug his children when you were absent. It didn’t feel right. 

He missed you dearly, an aching, gaping hole in his very being that only grew larger as he saw what you left behind half-completed or messy like you’d stood up and gone off for a minute to come back to it later — 

The unmade pallet from the night of your Iknimaya argument that Jake had shed tears on when he’d seen the state of it, having the signs of someone getting up from it like you would be returning to go back to sleep any second.

The unfinished bark plate you had set aside to eat later and fought Lo’ak not to touch it. a squabble Jake had to break before you started wasting food by throwing it at each other. 

The stack of fruits you’d gathered that you never shared except for Neytiri sometimes. 

The half-carved cup you were working on because the regular cups weren’t big enough for your water needs and you didn’t like to refill it about three times until you were satisfied. 

The incomplete anklet you were making out of rainbow beads for Tuk that was confidential to everyone but Jake, who knew from observing you, of course — you were missing a couple colors that you just couldn’t seem to find, nagging his head off to just let you roam around farther and there was no danger as the sky people couldn’t get in the vortex.  

The little animal doodles you scratched at your side of the tent when you couldn’t sleep at nights, waking Jake up in the process every single time to listen until your breathing evened out as sleep retook you in its arms again, because he was bodily programmed to startle awake at one single rustle in his living quarters from his Marine days and fell into old habits after the return of the sky people, he knew you had developed insomnia from being uncomfortable at High Camp, longing for your hammock cocooned in the safety and comfort of the forest.

And the dumb romance novels you had taken from the humans that you, Kiri and Tuk giggled about at girl’s nights reading out loud, Spider invited as an honorary guest at times, just so you could tease Kiri about him and annoy your brothers that they weren’t allowed in, but the human boy was. 

All of them had no owner now. Neither of your family members could look at them, your ghost would appear in precious memories beside your belongings if they looked too much. He didn't need to concentrate for a phantom of you to appear, you were everywhere he looked, and even now, as the gently pulsating lavender humming, a song from Eywa herself, right underneath the veinlike, labyrinthine roots was the cool summer rain on Jake’s sizzling skin, all he could see was your first communion with Eywa in his arms while Neytiri formed the tsaheylu, the clan spread all around them in celebration. 

“You’ve called, and I’ve answered,” he greeted in positivity. “I think this is the most direct you’ve been with me in a long while.”

He didn’t know if it was Eywa or you he was saying this to. He genuinely didn’t know. 

Kneeling, and putting his arms on the mossy, thick root, he looked up to see the woodsprites swaying and floating in the air. He reached for his braid, letting the squirming nerve-endings coil around the white-cored lavender thread closest to him, taking in the presence of Eywa, all around yet nowhere at all, but listening. No sign of you. Was he supposed to talk like this? Just like this? Was he not allowed to see you? 

Jake had to admit he had been harboring the tiniest expectation of meeting you somehow, or hearing your voice through the connection like he did with a Tree of Voices when Mo’at had cryptically informed him of his chance. But this was it? 

If he failed, this would be it. 

“I guess this isn’t all that different,” he said out loud, instead of thinking inwards where the confusion flew. “It’s been like this for a while now, you and I. You talk, I don’t hear you. I talk, you don’t hear me. We throw the same ball at each other only for it to bounce back. Monologuing to a tree is the same thing, except it doesn’t talk back like you do.” 

He looked up and around, there was nothing else to do. The air was the same as it always was in here. Always accommodating to what each Na’vi found comforting. “The last time I came here like this was to ask for Eywa’s help in the last stand against sky people. I told her I would fight either way, I knew that’s why she’d chosen me. All my life, all I’ve done was fight. Even when I wasn’t able to, I was fighting lesser battles with the excuse of not having anything to fight for. It’s all I’ve known. All I’ve ever done. It’s what I was best at.” His brow twitched, and Jake tried to keep his composure, not because he didn’t want anybody to see, no, it was to keep his shit together so he didn’t fuck this up. He had to be honest. His pride was the last thing he needed in his way at the moment. 

“You were born to a different man. To a changed man. To a father who could let go because he thought his family was safe. You got to meet the man I used to be when my reason for fighting came back from my star. I know you don’t like that person — you can’t — couldn’t get used to him. I know.” 

From the discomfort, his fingers dug into the moss first, and found the bark of the root, his fist curling on it next. “But I had to keep fighting.” He softly brought his fist back on the root. “The strong prey on the weak, that’s just how things are. That’s how I had it on my star. And my kids — you, you are weak, and it’s not an insult — it’s not me criticizing, Jesus, you are just children, and there’s a war on your damn heads. That’s what I mean. That’s what I’ve always meant. It’s natural that you are weak, Eywa was kind enough to let you be soft. Not Earth, though, never Earth.” 

Jake had to clench his teeth and bite the anger into the inside of his mouth to not be boiled alive — not to let it reach to your side. He let out a soundless snarl. “You would never be ready for the cruelty of Earth, I would never wish that upon any of you. But it was brought to you. Right at your doorstep. I couldn’t protect you from it by hugs and kisses. You wouldn’t be safe from a gun extended to you by extending a branch in return. No.” 

He reached and caressed the glowing thread, brows furrowed. “I did what I thought was right to prepare you. Every single one of you. I was making you tough. I had to. To protect you. And of course there would be clashing along the way, it’s what happens between parent and child. We fight. We fight like cats and dogs for dominance. You try me to show strength. I stand my ground to let you know you gotta do better.” 

He had fired those sentences with incoherent speed, and when he got to the end of it, Jake got choked up. Stopped for a moment, took a breath. Blinking several times, his tone became vulnerable, he didn’t have anyone in front of him, but he tore away his gaze anyway. “Somewhere along the way, things just… Without me noticing, everything…” He sighed through his nose, his voice nothing but a whisper. “I fought more battles than I fought for my family. I thought I was doing my job as a father when I didn’t even know shit about being a father.” 

A couple seconds floated by, and his gaze was stolen by a lone woodsprite descending down until it staggered on the fist he had against the root. The shine of it reflected from the mistiness of his eyes. His lower lip slightly trembled at the thought of it being you. This little woodsprite. You? 

“The thing is, I’m lost, sweetheart,” he admitted quietly, small, shaky, not taking his eyes off the woodsprite. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I sit here, I look back, and think why I keep fighting. We could have migrated. Looked for a new Hometree. Another forest. Left the humans alone. Or made peace. A treaty. Something. None of your lives had to be sullied by war. Yet I chose this. I chose to fight, as I ‘ve always done, because now I had something to fight for. And the fighting wasn’t limited to them, I fought Neteyam, I fought Lo’ak, I fought you, my own kids, and I didn’t even know.” 

He reached for it with his other hand, tentatively, scared that it would fly away with the slightest contact. But he was able to touch the top of the woodsprite ever so slightly, the little zap making all the hair on his body stand up. Jake swallowed thickly, his whole head on fire. “I don’t know what to do. I just miss you. I miss you so much, sweet girl. I wish you would scream at me. Say you hate me for all I care. Anything. Hate me until the day you die, but do it with all of your family surrounding you in old age, in peace. I would be content knowing you are under the same sky as me. But I’m forgetting your voice already, and I—” He held back a violent sob, hissed to not let it out, and groaned, getting angry at himself for the emotions. He shut his eyes tightly, willing away the tears. “I wish I could say these to your face. I wish I could see you one last time, smiling at me.”

Having everything to lose. Having lost everything. Having nothing to lose. Three different meanings had coiled around each other like snakes to become one singular outcome in linear relation of cause-and-effect through you. It wasn’t a cycle.

Having something to fight for. Having nothing left to fight for. Having nothing to fight for. You were everything. Everything. What could Jake do? How was he supposed to fight when he had no concrete opponent? 

“I see you.”

The voice — your voice, albeit much, much younger, almost made him jump. When his eyes shot open, Jake was in a different location. He knew this place. The creek away from the village he and his family often frequented. 

The twilight penumbra of the eclipse dimmed the shadows embracing the forest, but the ethereally glowing lights of all colors illuminated and got reflected from the water as if it was a mirror. Above and all around him were lazily dancing fireflies — or, rather, bioluminescent bugs he didn’t know the names of, tiny stars floating in the air like glitter. It was magical.

Jake realized with aching melancholy that this was the first time he’d taken you out on an eclipse to show you the beauty of the forest on a special father-daughter date. The exact memory.  

The breath that left him was shaky as he felt the presence sitting right beside him, in the corner of his vision, he saw the ripples on the shining water made by swinging legs. 

Jake froze for a second. Unmoving. Not looking at all — because if this was a dream, or a hallucination, he wouldn’t be able to bear it. His breathing got louder, more labored, the log underneath his hands was so realistically textured and damp. If he looked. If he looked, you would disappear. That’s how he felt. 

He was supposed to talk. But now, his ribcage was holding the words hostage, burning with the strain of the pile-up. 

“But I’m sad you don’t see me,” you said, and he was shaken by hearing your voice yet again, remembering the moment he found himself here, how he’d heard — ‘I see you’. “You don’t even want to look at me.”

So much hurt and vulnerability in that sentence that it left him breathless. 

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Him launched into his own turmoil racking his brain about how Quaritch was back as an avatar, ignoring to look at you to protect his composure and just trying to think, think — think, of a plan, of a how, of what to do. You calling after him once Neytiri, you and he arrived at High Camp after dodging Quaritch’s men. Him purposefully walking away because he needed to cool off and not to explode on you right there and there.  

That whole time, Jake hadn’t looked at you. If he did, he would have seen you needed help.

He shattered, all of his walls crumbling down, stripped down to bare despair. 

“Oh sweetheart.” Before he knew it, he had wrapped his arms around you in a crushing hug, basically snatching you off from where you were sitting and on his lap, and your warmth, your pulse, your tangible existence wrenched a shiver out of him — and he buried his face to the little crook of your neck, taking your scent in, hiding his trembling face and the quiver of his arms by holding you tight. You were here. As your younger self, no older than eight, but he had you. Not bloody and battered in his arms, but alive, so alive. “Oh sweet girl, my sweet girl… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He kissed the side of your head, felt the real tickle of your hair against his face, blessed with the soothe of his child’s smell. “I see you. Of course I see you. I’ve always seen you.” 

The snowflake-frail snivel followed by your sobbing sniffle broke his heart into pieces. “You’re a liar.” He shook his head, hugging you tighter. “You’re mean to me. You’re so mean to me.”

“I’m sorry.” That was all he could say. All he could do with his thrashing soul smoldering at the wetness of your tears on his shoulder. “I am mean. I’m sorry… You’re right, I’m sorry.” 

“It hurt so much.” You wailed. “It hurt a lot.” 

Jake began to caress your head with an awkward, clumsy, panicked hand, disturbed as to if you meant the moment of your death — at him pressing on the wound with all he had to stop the bleeding, or he and your strained relationship in general. “I know, sweetheart,” he said anyway, a stone clogging his throat. He didn’t try to explain, or tell you why, didn’t argue that it wasn’t what he meant to do. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He had you in his arms. “I know. I know.” 

You wouldn’t get to be younger than this. And maybe, he would never get to see you be older, either. The thought crumpled his face like some piece of paper. Jake just wanted to hold you. And when you wrapped your little arms around him too, freely crying in his arms, a couple tears escaped his eyes as well, he didn’t know what kind of face he was making, perhaps it was better that you didn’t see him crumble. 

In the middle of it somewhere, he realized that you were younger because it was your inner child that needed this, she was more honest — more open with Jake. It caused him to sway with you back and forth, ribcage hurting with each breath. And you let it all out, clinging to him. 

“I love you, always,” he whispered, watching the bioluminescent bugs, when you were calmer and had fallen silent on his chest, not wanting to let him go and just listening to his heartbeat. “Even if I don’t show it — especially when I don’t show it. You are loved, my sweet girl, more than you know. More than you’ll ever know. More than I can show.” He looked down at the top of your head, agonized. “But I want to try. I want to show you more, moving forward.”

Knowing what he was insinuating, “But it’s nice here,” you said, voice thick and coarse from crying. You still didn’t pull back to look at him. Both of you, from the start of this, never looked at one another. Not once. Embarrassed and shameful to be honest, Jake thought. That pride you two shared. “You’re not mean to me here.”

But he needed to see you. You needed to be seen. So, as gently as he could, he unwrapped your arms around him, and took your baby cheeks in his hands, and looked you in the eyes. Another tear slipped from him. “You been listenin’ to me, right sweetheart? From the start?” You nodded adorably. You wouldn’t have said oel ngati kameie and accepted to let him see you if you hadn’t felt his true intentions and heart through him pouring it all out at the Tree of Souls. “I’m hiding a lot of things. But I want to be open with you. You wanna know the secret why I’m… mean?” You nodded again, more reluctant this time. “It’s because I’m scared.”

You gasped, genuinely lost and shocked, and he tried not to smile at the purity, the innocence. “You? You’re scared?”

“All the damn time,” he whispered, landing a kiss on your temple, his opposite thumb tracing a loving line on your other temple. “Every day. Every night.”

“But you’re Toruk Makto. You’re never scared.”

“I’m also a dad,” he said sorrowfully, as if he was giving out a secret. “And it’s precisely why I’m scared. I’m scared for you. For your siblings. Of losing you. It turns into anger. Anger turns into irreparable damage. Things I can’t take back.”

In the blink of an eye, you were back to your real age. For some reason he couldn’t quite grasp, you had shed the exterior of your childhood. But he didn’t mind, didn’t let you off his lap. 

“Don’t be scared, I’m here,” you said, putting your own small palm on his cheek, upset by the fact that he was feeling like that in the first place rather than whatever explanation he had. Your response was also childish, but he leaned into your touch anyway, comforted regardless, even if you were already gone — for this moment, he could ignore that no, you weren’t here at all. “If you told us, we would have been more careful not to make you sad.” 

Ah, he was being lectured on communication by his kid. It had a certain flavor of humbleness to it. Jake adored it nonetheless. “I know,” he said, “I’m sorry. I won’t be mean anymore.”

“That’s a lie.”

Jake couldn’t stop the laugh, though it was tottering. “Yeah, it is. But I promise you that I’ll never hurt you again.”

“That’s a lie too. Wasn’t it you who said not to make promises you can’t keep?”

“Alright, smartypants, let me rephrase it then,” the little glimpses of your brash self made him happy. “I will never intentionally hurt you, and if I end up doing so, unknowingly, I will always make it up to you. No exceptions.” 

You were acting uninterested, but stole intrigued glances at him. “How are you gonna make it up to me?”

“I’ll let you choose, how does that sound?” Jake tapped your nose. “In return, if I don’t know and haven’t taken the first step, you’ll have to tell me outright what I did.”

You deadpanned. “But I always do.”

“No, you don’t.” He raised one of his eyebrows. “You become passive-aggressive when you’re annoyed and pick fights with me.”

“That’s not—”

“Sweetheart.” 

“Okay, fine.” You huffed. The normalcy had made him forget just what he was doing here. “But you get angry.”

“What I get angry at is—” He cut himself off with a tongue click. “Not important. I do get angry. But at sincere honesty, us just talking it out, I could never get angry at that. Is the difference clear?”

“I think it is.” You were apprehensive about something, your fingers on his neck flexing as if you wanted to pull them back and break the hug. “But you have to promise.”

“I promise.” And then, Jake remembered, a new fire hardening his face, not in anger, but determination. “And speaking of which. I would never. Ever. Not in a million years would get angry or blame you for getting hurt to that degree — for others, humans, avatars, whoever and whatever the hell they are, hurting you, I could never get mad at you for it. Do you understand me? Your safety is the most important to me. I could never hate you for it.” His voice dropped down to a softer, gentler tone just above a whisper. “There is nothing in this world that’ll make me hate you. Nothing. I will love you through the most heinous crimes and in inexcusable deeds, you will find forgiveness in me even if there’s nobody left, that’s a father’s heart. Forever and always, I am with you.” He touched his forehead, and then yours. “I see you.”

You avoided eye contact. 

Ah, yes, the famous emotional awkwardness. He was sort of aware his feelings had reached you, you just didn’t know what to say. Jake hadn’t been like this with you for the longest time. So, he decided to make you more comfortable. “Yes I will get mad at you for breaking curfew, and yes, we might stop talking for a while and beef about the dumbest things if the fight is too intense — but always, always come to me when something is wrong. I will drop everything without hesitation.” He leaned in a bit to catch your wayward stare. “Got it?”

You murmured. “Okay.”

“Are we clear?”

You murmured once more. “Yeah.”

“Repeat it, then.”

There was something between cringing and unwillingness on your face, but at his pointed look, you sighed, giving in. “Always come to you if something’s wrong even if we’re fighting.”

“That’s right,” he affirmed, encouraging to let you know this wasn’t embarrassing. “What else?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Dad will always love you.” He nudged you, noting the flick of your ears in happiness when he’d said it. “Come on, say it.”

You didn’t look at him when you said it, but your voice was light. “Dad will always love me…”

“Dad will never hate you.”

Sheepishness took over, making Jake smile. “Dad will never hate me.”

“And. Come talk to me about it if I’ve ever hurt you without noticing so I can make it up to you.”

“Always go to you if I’m hurt and you’re unaware of it.”

“That’s right,” in this form as well, he gave your temple another kiss, heart soaring at your beautiful smile he had been dying to see. “Good girl.”

“You’re giving me a lot of power.” 

“Nothing my mighty hunter can’t handle.” 

The smile on your face died down. It came to Jake right away what had gone wrong. “Sweetheart—” “I didn’t mean that. You know—” But you didn’t know. Jake had to stop trying to make it easier on himself. “I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you. About everything. About the ikran, I’m so goddamn proud. I said it, and I can’t take that back, I was angry and I was trying reverse psychology — you know what, it doesn’t matter. But you are my mighty hunter. Will always be.”

You got confident a bit, but were still testing the waters. “Well I proved I am.”

“Yes, you did,” he rejoiced, no rejection or doubt whatsoever. “Message received, Lima Charlie.”

You giggled freely, joyfully at the recognition, and Jake ached again remembering how much he’d missed that carefree, precious thing, he swore pixie dust was in it. You slipped from his lap to sit crossed-legged beside him, and he instantly missed being able to hold you close. “Wish you were there to see me.”

“Me too, sweet girl.” Your Iknimaya was a disaster. A long-passed, sacred tradition broken wasn’t as important to him as it was to Neytiri — but he knew she longed to see you complete it, by your side, as eagerly as he did. And you had been alone in your pride, when he knew from a very young age, you had been the most excited for it. Everything had been ruined and there was nothing he could do to undo it. “Will you tell me about it?”

The phantom of pensiveness on his face hadn’t quite registered with you yet, getting excited to tell him all about it like nothing had happened the moment you knew Jake wanted to know. As if you weren’t dead. As if nothing was wrong. “Well first of all, I broke Neteyam’s record.”

A mournful smile tugged on his lips. “Did you now?”

“Hell yeah!” You started gesturing with your arms. “It took, like, two minutes? One minute? Too easy.”

“You know easy means the ikran didn’t give you much of a fight, right?”

“Or, or.” One finger was raised up at him to raise another option. “I was too skilled.” 

“The ikran might have been meh about you.” Jake teased. “You sure it chose you? Or did you just chase it down and it was stuck with you?”

“That’s so wrong!” He threw his head back to laugh at your outburst. “He was watching me get there the whole time! Like, from the start. His eye was on me, I just know it. You’re just jealous you didn’t get Bob like I got Jack. I was badass.”

That made him pause. “Jack?”

“Yeah, his name’s Jack.”

He couldn’t imagine Neytiri’s reaction to the blandest name imaginable, oh god. “Why?”

“Named him after you.” You tipped your head at him, raising your brows. “It’s healing, you know. He listens to me without questioning. He’s also very sweet. Unlike a certain someone.” 

“Oh you little shit—” 

“I didn’t say anything.” Raising your hands in defense first, you crossed your arms on your chest next. “Certain someone can mean anyone. It can mean Lo’jack—”

“Lo’jack, really? Really?” Jake half-snorted, half-scoffed. “This a new one after Lovak?”

“Jackiri—”

“Jackiri is pretty sweet, c’mon now,” he gave a blank stare. “Hope you’re not gonna say Jackeyam.”

“Jacktirey?” You asked, undecided. “She’s an anklebiter.”

“Oh, for sure.” 

“Could be Jack the Ripper, Bojack Horseman, Jack-in-a-box. Jack-o-lantern.”

“All people, of course.”

“Yeah, all people.” You snapped your fingers in mock-remembrance. “Hit the road Jack.” 

“Oh wow, even him?” Jake lowered his voice, leaning towards you, mocking astonishment. “Legendary figure, that guy.”

“Jack of All Trades.”

“Well, that ikran really seems to be one to me.”

“I know, right?” You stopped, and he saw that thought process, and before he could open his mouth, you blurted it out. “Unlike a certain someone I know.”

“You punk.” Jake pushed you lightly by your shoulder. “You’re pushin’ it.”

You smiled with all your teeth at him, with hands on your calves, leaning down to act cute, and Jake could pretend this was normal. That he’d fixed everything. And all was right in the world now that you were laughing with him — he’d made you smile. . 

But suddenly you looked scared, looking at something over his shoulder, shrunken pupils focusing on him and whatever it was rapidly. It kicked him awake from his delusion. He tensed, tail jumping upwards, straight as a rod. “What is it, sweetheart? What’s wrong?”

Your breath hitched, and the next thing he knew, you had pushed him away, and he was falling towards the water. The last thing he saw was only a blur of you — the bioluminescent bugs became shooting stars with a thread of glow left behind them, the whole world tilted, but he didn’t hit the water, instead, he rolled down the small slope he had to climb to reach the tree. 

Disoriented, he saw the root was almost split in half — bullet marks, a cloud of splinters and debris was flying around where he used to be sitting. 

A lone avatar just ahead. Having made it all the way to the Tree of Souls. He didn’t know where this man had come from. 

Heart picking up and roaring in his ears, all Jake could think about was, One chance. 

He hadn’t even spoken to you properly yet, hadn’t said all the things he wanted to, hadn't even gotten your word, and this man — this son of a bitch — humans had taken you once again. 

Once again. 

You will only have one chance. 

“Lucky asshole,” the man looked at him behind the barrel of the long assault rifle. “Gonna make you pay for what you pulled yesterday.”

Your ethereal smile going up in smokes at the back of his head, Jake saw red.  

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[archiveikemen]

Ikemen Villains Prologue: Act 2

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

Victor: From this moment on, you are officially a “Fairytale Keeper”, a position exclusive to “Crown”.

Victor: Kate will live in the castle from now onwards and work alongside the members of “Crown”.

Victor: The members of “Crown” will also keep an eye on her, to make sure she doesn't reveal any secrets.

Victor: During this time, Kate will write down your evil deeds. Just like she’s writing a fairytale.

…

Victor: If you want to return to your normal life after a month… don't let any of them steal your heart.

…

A week has passed since I started my life of sin as a Fairytale Keeper.

Following Victor’s advice, I haven’t fallen in love with anyone.

This way, once I prove to them that I’m a trustworthy person able to keep secrets, I’ll be able to return home safely soon.

That was what I thought, then it happened.

A pure white evil descended on England—

Victor: There is only one reason for gathering all of you here today.

Victor: That is to introduce our guests from Germany—

Victor: — to Crown and Kate.

Victor: May I ask you to kindly introduce yourself?

Angelic Man: A pleasure to meet you, dear members of Crown.

Darius: I’m Darius Vogel, the Chief of “Vogel”, an organisation under direct command of the Emperor of Germany.

Victor: Vogel is said to be a research organisation that promotes the contribution to society by Cursed Ones.

Victor: They will be living in the Royal Palace for a few months as goodwill ambassadors.

Darius: “The power of Curses for a better society” is our motto.

Darius: Although Cursed Ones presently live in the darkness, we believe that there are greater ways they can engage with society!

Darius: Just imagine a future where Cursed Ones and normal humans work alongside each other… exciting, isn’t it?

Darius: The moment I heard about this wonderful organisation in England named “Crown”, I couldn’t contain myself!

Harrison: …

Darius: Oh, don’t worry! This goes without saying, but only a few people in Germany know about the existence of “Cursed Ones”.

Darius: We know about “Crown” because all of us in Vogel are cursed too.

Darius: Interacting more with our fellow Cursed Ones helps to deepen our understanding of Curses and their abilities, right?

Darius: We could have a dinner party, or we could accompany you on your missions for field studies. c

Victor: To the outside world, they came to England as diplomats. Their real purpose of researching Curses is kept secret.

Darius: Thank you for your thorough addition, Sir Queen’s Aide. Although our positions require us to keep many secrets from one another…

Darius: I hope to establish a new regularity together with all of you.

Darius: By the way… it appears that Sir William Rex isn’t here. Where is he?

Victor: Ah, William isn’t here with us today. Please excuse him.

Darius: Oh really? That’s a pity. … I thought I’d finally get to meet him in person…

Darius: Well, I suppose it’s understandable because we arrived a few days earlier than expected.

Darius: Well then, allow me to introduce these two. They’re a pair of twins; the older one is Nica, and the younger one is Ring.

Darius: Now, be good and introduce yourselves to everyone.

Ring: Ring Schwartz… we’ll be in your care for the next few months. I’ll show no mercy if you attempt to harm us.

Nica: Goodness, don’t be so intimidating. Sorry for my brother’s rudeness.

Nica: As you can see, even though he’s an adorable and good kid, he’s very wary like a dog. Oh, I should introduce myself too.

Nica: Guten Tag, members of Crown. I’m Nica Schwartz. Nice to meet you all

Darius: Yup, Nica’s a well-behaved one.

Darius: Nica, Ring, and I are like a “family”.

Darius: I hope we can become this close with Crown as well.

Darius: … Oh? I heard that Crown consists of the Queen’s Aide and eight men… who might you be?

Kate: I’m Kate, the “Fairytale Keeper”.

Victor: Kate isn’t a Cursed One, but she’s an important person who records Crown’s activities.

Darius: “Important person”? Hmm…

Darius: If she’s an “important person” to Crown, we should be courteous with her too.

Ring: …

Nica: You’re right, Dari. I’m so glad there’s someone else other than a bunch of guys here.

Nica: Nice to meet you, cute little robin.

Kate: … Nice to meet you too.

…

After parting ways with Vogel who went on to spend time in the room Victor prepared for them in the palace, I returned to the castle with the members of Crown.

(I’ve finally adapted to my life here, but I have a feeling that something’s about to change.)

I thought back to our meeting with Vogel.

(Vogel… a research organisation made up of Cursed Ones. So that means things like curses exist outside of England too.)

(Darius is always smiling, he looks like an angel.)

(Nica seems spirited and easy to talk to, while Ring on the other hand seems cold. They’re twins, but the impressions they give off are polar opposites.)

(Anyway, they seem like friendly people… but why do I have a gut feeling that’s not true…?)

(Did spending time with Crown and being exposed to all sorts of evil make me suspicious…?)

Harrison: … You felt it too?

Kate: Huh?

Harrison: Those guys were lying.

…

Nica: “Fairytale Keeper”, huh. The data we had beforehand didn’t include any information on the existence of that girl and her role.

Nica: I’m guessing that she just happened to discover the existence of Crown and is currently being surveillanced by them. What do you think, Ring?

Ring: …

Nica: … Ring? Are you listening?

Ring: Oh… I don’t understand complicated things, but I think it’s best to refrain from speaking based on mere speculation.

Ring: All I can say is… as long as we’re not clear on her true nature, we should be wary of her.

Darius: I mean, even though she’s a “Fairytale Keeper”, she looks like an ordinary “human”. There’s nothing much she can do.

Darius: Growing our “family” is the most important. Don’t forget our goal.

Nica: Verstanden / Understood.

Ring: … Yeah.

Darius: I can’t wait to chat with everyone more… fufu.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

“Perhaps that was another part of your planned… entrapment.”

Colin Bridgerton could live to be eight-and-ninety, and those words would forever be the nine he was most ashamed of. He had not known a moment’s peace since uttering them, his bones heavy with grief and regret as the words circled his memory, again, and again, and again.

Worse still had been Penelope’s response — soft and unbearably genuine; watery and honest. “I did not mean to entrap you, Colin. I love you.”

I love you.

He held onto that part of the memory fiercely, mind focused on her singular mercy, the use of present tense — love, not loved — fervently hoping it would drown out the rest. That it would make him forget the feel of her fingers, warm against his own, slipping the frigid metal of her betrothal ring back into his palm; forget the way he felt his heart split in two immediately, the crisp sound of its cracking masked only by the angry clack of his boots as he stormed after her, livid and ludicrously in love, because how very dare she?

How dare she think to leave him, as though that were even a possibility for two people whose souls were so deeply intertwined?

He said as much, though admittedly, not quite as well.

“Penelope,” he whispered the warning into her hair as he caught up to her at the bottom of the staircase. His fingers curled around her elbow, just firm enough to keep her in place. Gently, he spun her to face him, and implored seriously, “you cannot leave.”

Me, was what he meant. You cannot leave me.

Even the thought of it made the air leave his lungs, so he pushed it away, and chose instead to say, “the banns have been read.”

She scoffed in a way that was so easy, he felt another shard of his heart come loose. “As though we are the first pair to ever call off a wedding. Was not Miss Edwina already at the head of the altar? If anything, we are conscientiously early in our decision.”

‘Our decision’. Of all the insults. As if Colin would ever permit such foolish thinking as this, let alone contribute to it.

He narrowed his eyes at this sudden display of hardness he did not recognize in her. “We have been intimate,” he reminded her then — determined that she understand just exactly how inevitable they were.

He had uttered the very same excuse not five minutes prior, and yet this time, instead of her earlier sweet sorrow, he was met with a startling flash of anger, the blue of her eyes thunderous.

“No one need know that if you would only stop repeating it,” she hissed, quiet and angry. “Or are you to tell me you will stupidly aid in your own entrapment,” the word fell from her tongue like arsenic, heavy and poisoned, “by announcing it over and over until we are caught?”

It was infuriating how truly clever she was.

No matter, he was clever, too. Her soul’s perfect match.

“And if you are with child?” He snapped.

She rolled her eyes at him, derisive laughter in her tone. “My courses have come and gone, Mr. Bridgerton, you need not worry.” Somehow, her words left him stricken, a sharp pang of something akin to disappointment hitting him squarely in the chest. She, however, was unmoved, her expression as fiery as the auburn of her hair. “It seems even my body has graciously decided to relieve you of your most honorable duty.”

It was scathing and deserved, and yet all Colin could say in return was what he hoped was true, “You lie.”

“I do not,” she said simply, a near murderous smile playing at her lips now. “Or maybe I do,” she shrugged, unbothered. “It is not as if you can lift my skirts in an attempt to ascertain the truth.”

It was all he could do not to gape at her, his beautiful, sweet, gently-bred betrothed — for she was his betrothed still, make no mistake — speaking in such a manner to him.

“Penelope,” he chastised harshly.

“Miss Featherington,” she corrected, tone sharp as she tipped her chin up towards him, eyes stony.

It was the final straw. Colin had never been so angry, and so desperately in love. His fingers fell from her elbow to her wrist, and he yanked it towards him much less gently than he should have, before slipping the ring back onto her finger with the kind of finality that brooked no more argument. He watched as it found its rightful place again, before announcing, irrefutably, “Mrs. Bridgerton.”

[momentsbeforemass]

Try again

There’s no coming back.

You’ve done too much. You’re too far gone.

There’s no way God would ever take you back, much less forgive you.

These are some of the Enemy’s most effective lies when it comes to keeping us away from God after something has gone wrong in our lives.

It kind of doesn’t matter whether was something that we did to ourselves. Something that was done to us. Or something that just happened.

Once we see it this way, once we see ourselves this way, we close ourselves off from God’s mercy, love, and forgiveness.

I think we’re vulnerable to this for a couple of reasons.

First, there are people who claim to be “Christians” who are all too happy to condemn things they don’t like about others. Even though a moment’s thought reveals their over-eagerness to condemn as (1) proof that they’re not really Christians (no matter how much they may think they are) and (2) evidence of what they hate about themselves, there’s something about that abuse of the Faith that stays with us. That leaves a mark.

And we’re protecting our pride. By claiming that we’re too far gone, then we can (falsely) excuse ourselves from the hard work of admitting that we were wrong and trying to change. Because that’s a blow to our egos. That leaves a mark too.

The real problem, of course, is that’s not who God is. That’s not how God works.

In today’s first reading, Jeremiah shows us an image of who God really is. Of how God really works, “I went down to the potter’s house and there he was, working at the wheel. Whenever the object of clay which he was making turned out badly in his hand, he tried again.”

Jeremiah is showing us how God sees us. In God’s eyes, there is no such thing as too far gone. No one is ever beyond God’s mercy, love, and forgiveness.

God never gives up on us. Even when we have. The door of God’s heart is always open.

But make no mistake, God isn’t just willing to try again with you.

God wants to try again with you.

God loves you too much to ever throw you away.

Today’s Readings

[tgrailwar-zero]

... your mercy is much appreciated, Emperor Nero. As for the 'why didn't you summon me immediately' quandary, well. After our big mistake with Lucius, I think a lot of us wanted to avoid fumbling the bag again, so to speak. Not to mention Father Kotomine and Jaguar Warrior seemed like they were looking forward to getting a fellow Monitor back, but... it seems like you don't share the sentiment?

NERO: "Did I ask for your excuses? Or for you to barrage me with questions? And this nonsense… 'War Monitors', 'Origins', 'Priests'… and you all, begging me for information like this. You and this 'Solar Cell' are both causing my head to ache."

She had asked for an explanation, though pointing that out seemed like a poor decision.

Additionally, it seemed like unless she wanted to elaborate further, you may not get any much regarding her manifestation outside of 'she did it', in a manner as natural as breathing. Though her stance regarding the Solar Cell seemed readily apparent.

NERO: "And what's this about worrying about some other Servants? Am I not threat enough? Am I not important enough? My needs are exigent! Did I not declare you my Ensemble? And yet you dance to the tune of others? Should my punishment be harsher?"

CONSTANTINE: "And yet, their 'punishment' so far is simply you joining us. It seems like your mind was set from the beginning, wasn't it?"

Rather boldly, CONSTANTINE spoke up. NERO's expression wavered slightly, her attention focusing intently on him.

NERO: "Mmnn… that 'know-it-all' tone, why are looking as if you figured something out, Constantinus-- or, 'Constantinos', was it?"

CONSTANTINE: "Nothing, you're just a bit gentler than I expected. Or more discerning than you may act. As you said, crimes against the Emperor are a grave offense, and there's no shortage of Servants willing to undercut or slaughter my Masters."

…So this was her being kind? I guess comparatively, people have tried to kill you, so this was 'nicer'…

And, in her verbal tempest, she essentially just vented about her frustrations regarding your actions, and then essentially declared her intent to journey with you.

It seemed like she was someone who trusted her judgement and her judgement alone, for whatever reason. Traveling with CONSTANTINE and KUKULKAN, a king and a god, you felt the most pressure emanating from this Servant alone. While the two of them wore their 'doubt' openly, it seemed as if this Servant was almost devoid of the concept of 'doubt' altogether.

And for good reason- this was an Emperor of the Julio-Claudian Dynasty, from the era where 'Emperor' and 'God' were nearly synonymous. To many, trying to contradict the decree of an Emperor was like trying to argue with the rotation of the sun.

NERO cleared her throat, turning away from CONSTANTINE in a huff.

NERO: "Mm. Well, I have not forgiven them, so they should not feel relieved yet."

NERO: "Ah, yes! Those are the cheers I desire! My mood is already beginning to brighten! If you simply wish for more of my art, then ask, and I will indulge! My catalogue on the Solar Cell is sparse, but grant me the time, and I shall have a thousand scripts worth of beautiful artistry!"

It seemed like the best way to get on her good side was praise. An artist at heart, it seemed as if she could not deny any form of applause.

NERO: "The peak of artistry! Beloved by all! One who takes the stage, and has their crafts praised by their audience, immortalized forever!"

She declared, definitively.

NERO: "Unfortunately, I cannot share the next act, as I do not remember it. I do not recall what came over me when I first wrote it, just that I was truly pulling the artistry from my heart. My 'beautiful memories'. I wish to find them as well. Without them, it is like sailing through a fogged ocean."

She smiled, somberly.

NERO: "I was a Servant of the Lunar Holy Grail War... I know that, and I know I had a Master. We fought a good war together, against many opponents. Though now, their faces are all blurs to me. Even his. But I remember something, before our 'ending'."

So it seemed like she didn't have her entire set of memories back either. Perhaps more than the average Servant did when they were restored from an Origin, considering her outburst, but it was still limited.

Her expression grew dour.

NERO: "...I do not wish to talk about it right now, it makes my heart ache and my head hurt. I have just been summoned, and was in a pleasant mood. Am I not allowed my own peace for a moment?"

Abruptly, she expressed her desire to change the subject, moving on quickly. Perhaps that's something she'd be open to sharing later.

NERO: "Aha! Now that is a good change of pace! A splendid, beautiful vision indeed! Though that Avenger is a musician, you say? Then he simply has no choice but to join us! Welcome, my new composer!"

It seems as if AVENGER has been/is being conscripted to join your team.

Well, no point in arguing against an Emperor.

AVENGER: "Pardon?"

[lostfracturess]

"You're really pathetic, you know that?" she spat. "You talk about caring, but in the end you threw everything away. Because you are too terrified to let yourself love me. Because apparently your own damn peace is worth more than me." SHUT UP YOU KNOW NOTHING???? SHE'S BASICALLY VOICING YOUR THOUGHTS GOJO 😭😭😭😭 why is he so pathetic 😭

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up," she snapped back, her voice rising. "You don't get to play the victim here. You did this. You ruined everything." my beautiful strong girl i love you so much and i fucking know how bad and destroyed she feels at the moment, betrayed and broken 😭😭😭

"But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there" nuh uh use your fucking mouth for purpose for once in your life or i swear to god gojo-

"Perhaps I was only meant to love her in silence" yeah like you're able to keep your hands to yourself when it comes to her

He sighed. "You're the absolute worst patient ever." THAT'S SO FUNNY 😭😭

"I want you to take her with you," I said quietly. "She likes aneurysm clippings." such a romantic ❤️

"Every day, it felt more like I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. Letting her go, pushing her away, I—" FINALLY! FINALLY A DECENT THOUGHT! YES SATORU WE ARE ON A RIGHT WAY

"Finally, gasping for breath, I stumbled to a halt outside her apartment building" HOORAY FINALLY LET'S GOOOO

"She sat on the windowsill, book in hand. My future wife. Even in the dead of night, she was studying. How I loved her" my future wife??? i am sorry???? WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THIS HEART WRENCHING STUFF???? i knew it would end like this gojo.

"She was staring down — right at me" is this a Shakespeare's scene or what 😭😭😭 romeo and juliet 😭😭😭

"Don't give me that look. You know damn well you deserved it." i love her so fucking much gojo you better apologize on your knees or she will be taken.

"Save it," she spat. "You know what your fucking problem is? You can't stand being alone. Alone with your thoughts, with yourself. So you run. You run to pills, to whatever distraction you can find, anything to fill the void." the way she's exposing him EVERY TIME.....she knows him so well and loves so much it hurts

"Keep going," I insisted, moving closer. "Let it out. Yell at me, tell me how pathetic I am. Make me feel something, anything other than this damn emptiness." gojo i love you so much but please don't act as you're not the one to blame for this emptiness 😭😭

"Because it was prove she still cared, even if it was just to hate me with every fiber of her being. It was better than the void, that terrible chasm that had opened up between us after I'd pushed her away" the way he craves every emotion from her and validates it, i think at this point there's nothing wrong she could do in his eyes😭😭😭 he just can't be without her

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it." NO PLEASE PLEASE IT'S HOT VERY HOT BUT I AM BEGGING YOU TO COMMUNICATE 😭😭😭😭 IF THEY WON'T TALK AGAIN AFTER IT I THROW MYSELF DOWN FROM THE CLIFF

"You really are a fool, for wanting to fix something so broken it'll cut you to shreds the moment you get close and then you cry afterwards—" why does he think he can say such a thing 🤨🤨🤨 is he immortal or what, and here i thought he really would be apologising

"My future wife just spit in my face — what a good anecdote on our wedding day" dummy 😭😭

"Weren't together anymore after all" EXCUSE ME??? YOU'RE DEEP INSIDE HER, ALREADY PLANNED YOUR WEDDING DAY, AND NOW SAYING YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER.... he's driving me insane

"Without warning, she reached forward, gripping my throat with surprising strength as she leaned down, her hair falling like a curtain around our faces. I couldn't help but smile" that's SO HOT 😭

"My lips twisted into a smile again. "Admit it. You love the chaos as much as I do. The thrill, the way it makes you feel alive." actually i don't feel this way 🧐🧐🧐 she seems very composed yet she's reckless but not to that case, i feel like she might be up to something, but not to the extent of satoru

"Why else would you be here, like this, with me?" I countered. "Face it, we're addicted to each other—the highs, the lows, the constant push and pull. It's exhilarating, isn't it?" and that's true 😭

"It's alright, I love you enough for both of us." my knees are weak 😩

this whole scene made me feel Something ™ the the tension, their exposed emotions, their... everything 😭😭😭 finally he gets choked too

but his messy head??? one time he's calling her his wife and then saying we're not together anymore...i feel so confused, WHAT is he thinking 😭😭 gojo get a therapist i swear 🙏🙏🙏

the scene in his office's bathroom is definitely one of my favourite, so beautifully and thoroughly crafted, you're really a master 😭😭😭 just i thought the writing couldn't be better you amaze me!!!

thank you again for the chapter, sending you a lot of love and inspiration, have a nice nice vacation!!!!!

hello and welcome to part three !!

SHUT UP YOU KNOW NOTHING???? SHE'S BASICALLY VOICING YOUR THOUGHTS GOJO 😭😭😭😭 why is he so pathetic 😭

gojo panicked pretty quickly there as she was lying bare his worst behaviors traits haha !!

nuh uh use your fucking mouth for purpose for once in your life or i swear to god gojo-

gojo logic be like, can i silence her with a kiss? no? ehhhem then ... probably fuck her to silence her?? also no?? ehhemmem then i'm out of options 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

such a romantic ❤️

the romantic doctor we all need hehe. but also i think this is such a cute thing of him?? like okay this girl hates me like crazy right now, but she would love to do this insane surgery, so i'll talk suguru into it so that she would have something to be happy about again 😭😭

my future wife??? i am sorry???? WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THIS HEART WRENCHING STUFF???? i knew it would end like this gojo.

he's in heavy denial 😂😂😂

the way she's exposing him EVERY TIME.....she knows him so well and loves so much it hurts

she really is like, okay you fucker, you want to got there again?? then let me tell you how stupid you are, i'm not getting tired of this 😂😂 but yeah, she really sees through his crap and all that and wants to make him see it too.

the way he craves every emotion from her and validates it, i think at this point there's nothing wrong she could do in his eyes😭😭😭 he just can't be without her

he's a SIMP !! and you're right, there is really nothing she could do that would make him not love her 💔😭

NO PLEASE PLEASE IT'S HOT VERY HOT BUT I AM BEGGING YOU TO COMMUNICATE 😭😭

idk i just love how they are insulting each other at this point, like they're both insane 😂😂

"You really are a fool, for wanting to fix something so broken it'll cut you to shreds the moment you get close and then you cry afterwards—" why does he think he can say such a thing 🤨🤨🤨 is he immortal or what, and here i thought he really would be apologising

it's really just a defense mechanism of him, but yes, he was really into the moment lol, and probably overdoing it A LITTLE BIT 😩😩

"My lips twisted into a smile again. "Admit it. You love the chaos as much as I do. The thrill, the way it makes you feel alive." actually i don't feel this way 🧐🧐🧐 she seems very composed yet she's reckless but not to that case, i feel like she might be up to something, but not to the extent of satoru

he definitely senes something from her but no omg she's never on the same level as gojo, that would be wild 😂😂 but she definitely changed a bit while being with him.

this whole scene made me feel Something ™ the the tension, their exposed emotions, their... everything 😭😭😭 finally he gets choked too

so glad it landed well for you !! i think i was expecting the scene to hit more, because i never wrote smut out of the male pov but apparently it did not so much for me but maybe it's just me being critical about myself again idk. anyway, glad you enjoyed !!

the scene in his office's bathroom is definitely one of my favourite

you mean when he overdosed? lol i actually envisioned this scene in his APARTMENT 😂😂 but apparently i never really wrote WHERE they are so it also makes sense for him to be in his office lol. 

because in his apartment it would be clear that she comes to his home after the whole mess to check in on him or like talk or whatever and that would be sweet but also make it more heartbreaking for her to find him so lifeless and all, but apparently i fucked that up 😂😂😂😂

but really girl, reading your reactions to the chapter is really so funny for me !! thank you so so much for taking your time to do that, and thank you for your well-wishes. have a good day or night and a lovely week dear ❤️❤️

[98rad]

Reading a book at work today and here’s a quote “unfortunately, the slow pace of transformation also makes it easy to let a bad habit slide…”

“…but when we repeat 1 percent errors, day after day, by replicating poor decisions, duplicating tiny mistakes, and rationalizing little excuses, our small choices compound into toxic results.”

I highlighted the end part because it resonated with me with a problem I’m having. Difficultly leaving a sin, I’m sure many of us have this problem whether big or small, we recognize it’s an issue. We may pass this sin off as ‘Allah is forgiving’ ‘it’s no big deal’ etc. you know what I mean, we’ve all been there… while the fact of Allah being merciful is true, we should always try and respect Him ﷻ and acknowledge our mistakes and sins, not belitte them. Belittling them is a form of denying your disobedience.

Maybe you have the opposite thought process? Maybe, you think you sin too much and Allah will never forgive you, this is another tactic of the Shaytaan. Remember a couple of things, the Shaytaan promised to mislead you, the waswas (whispers) you go through are there for that very purpose, help you stray away from Allah and his mercy, remember that Allah loves us 70 times more than our very own mothers, He ﷻ is closer to us than our jugular vein, and if we never sinned he would wipe us out and bring people who would just so he can forgive them. We aren’t perfect but should strive in the path of being close to Allah.

May Allah ﷻ help us leave that which is bad for us and guide us to righteousness, May he Allow us to be closer to Him Ameen

[heartofstanding]

150-word meme

It's been over four years since I've done one of these and my creativity has been on fire lately (lots of ideas, not much writing, alas) so I figured it was time to bring this back and since we've now got the ability to option to add polls, I added a poll option.

Behind the cut is a list of current WIP projects (with excerpts). You can vote for one fic in the poll at the bottom and/or send me an ask with at least one number (you can send more than one number if you want) and I will write 150 words in the equivalent fic.

1. The Birth (Henry and baby Hal, modern AU).

‘Hal?’ Henry said. ‘Our baby,’ Mary said, looking a little hurt. ‘I thought we were going to call him Harry?’ he said. ‘He looked more like a Hal than a Harry to me,’ Mary said as if that solved everything. Henry didn’t know how that worked. Their son looked like a gremlin, not like a Harry or a Hal or like anything that should have a name that wasn’t Uglik the Wailing One.

2. this single knife in my heart (Hal’s perspective of his dagger incident/’but it is my knife and my heart too’)

‘Do you have any idea what you will say to him?’ ‘Well, I won’t make the mistake of asking him to abdicate, if that’s what you mean.’ Beaufort coloured dully and bent over his plate. ‘I thought it was the best thing to do – you know he hadn’t been well for years. I did not realise how poorly he would take it, how could I? It was the same logic he himself used with Richard. He was unfit as king, he could not carry on – why not give the throne away and enjoy one’s final years without the troubles? It was reasonable, wasn’t it?’ ‘The unreasonable part was saying any of that to my father’s face.’

3. untitled sodomy fic (Hal finds out Courtenay is gay)

‘Beaufort says you are a sodomite,’ he said. ‘It is a clerical vice, Hal.’ ‘It’s still a sin.’ ‘What, a vice a sin? I never knew that,’ said Courtenay. ‘I thought all vices were virtues. Indeed, in acting on my vice, I might have performed many a good deed for others and so be said to be virtuous…’

4. the wellspring (Joan of Kent/The Black Prince proposal)

‘Come out with me tomorrow,’ he says. ‘What?’ ‘We could go riding,’ he says. ‘Pass through the forest and the fields, go up to the moors. Or else have a hunt.’ She drinks deeply from her cup. She thinks, this is madness. She thinks, it would be good to leave the silent, still walls behind her and go through the world, breathe the free air. ‘It’s raining.’ ‘It’ll clear.’

5. she’s not coming home tonight (Philippa leaves England)

‘Will you tell me,’ Philippa said, ‘about our mother?’ Harry was silent for a long moment, his face still. ‘Why do you want to know?’ She bit her lip. ‘No one talks about her or when they do, they just say she was lovely as if that means anything.’

6. some rift, a hollow (Henry meets his son again after Bradmore's cure)

Henry thinks: O God, I am ill. I will die and Harry will be king and everyone will see his face. The longer he lies there and nothing changes, he understands it is only the relief of seeing Harry alive and well that has made him collapse. Then, he thinks: my son is here! My son will be well again! My son lives! I will keep my children safe. I will love Harry better. I will be a good man! I will learn mercy and forgiveness, I will take the penance the Almighty gives me meekly, whatever form it takes. I will go barefoot to Jerusalem to give thanks! Then, Richard’s voice: will you? You promise and promise and promise and then forget or find excuses. Do you forget I have the measure of your soul? You will do none of these things.

7. night's sister (Philippa of England gets visited by her sister's ghost)

It’s one of those strange kind of nights where Philippa’s skin prickles and she cannot lie peaceably in bed. After the winter solstice, day is fleeting and night stretches on seemingly forever. They go to bed early and wake late but in the midst of night, Philippa wakes and cannot go back to sleep. Her body feels heavy and strange, her hands slipping over it. At seventeen, she is almost a woman; she has carelessly shucked off the body she left England with and found herself in a different one, one with breasts and a body that wants some days and bleeds others.  At seventeen, she is as old as Blanche was when she died. She still feels too young to lie beneath her husband or to grow a child within her body, though Blanche, at seventeen, had done both and died with a second child half-grown within her belly. Philippa rolls over in her bed.

8. the silver blessing (Blanche's birth)

Mary takes her penance as meekly as a lamb and when her confessor leaves her, she moves, standing up and striding towards the window. Her fingers curl into fists, she straightens them and smooths out her skirts. He said, it is a mother’s duty to render up her child so that they may be all they can be. Think of the Virgin, giving up her Son to the Lord’s will. But the Virgin was special, chosen for God to carry her Son and give him, and she had borne what no mother should be made to bear and grieved most sorrowfully, even though she was specially chosen. Mary, at least, does not have to bear the Virgin’s sorrows. Not truly. She is giving her eldest son up but only to her own mother to raise for a time. Six months, perhaps, a year at most. And throughout that time, she will visit her mother and her mother will visit her. It will be bearable. It will be good for Harry too. He will have time on his own, Maman will help him grow in confidence and learning. But Mary will still miss him.

9. should've come with a warning (modern AU, set in a "everybody lives" fix-it verse. In the aftermath of her relationship with Louis Pfalz, Blanche has lunch with Joan of Kent.)

‘Is there anything you’d like to do?’ said Mum. ‘We don’t have to go to Richard’s for lunch, I can text him with an excuse.’ ‘Like what?’ ‘Traffic’s bad, we got away late—’ ‘He’d only invite us for afternoon tea.’ Mum’s lips pressed together. ‘We don’t have to accept.’ ‘He’ll just think I’m “damaged” then,’ Blanche said.

10. in the time of storms (Eleanor Cobham and no-good, very-bad year of 1441)

The little bottles tinkled as she ran her fingers over them. She hadn’t used them in so long. There hadn’t seemed to be much point. As Margery had told her, as delicately as possible, she was getting rather too old for there much hope left. As Southwell had told her, there was little they could do but hope that God, in His infinite mercy, would take pity on her. But why should she hope? She had done everything she could to carry a child but God’s infinite mercy had never let her birth more than blood and moles. She would tell Bolingbroke to take them away. He would look at her with his pale eyes that always seemed too compassionate, too knowing, and know she had given up. If had someone had come looking through this box, what had they hoped to find? Some foolish, superstitious child who sought love-charms or gossip? A chance to claim they had been brave enough to go through the witch’s box of spells, perhaps to take one and use it as a trophy – if that was the case, it was a weakness. They should be gotten rid of.

11. the king is dead (Eleanor Cobham and the death of Henry V)

‘Will you not go to him, your grace?’ Eleanor said. Jacqueline looked at her strangely. ‘The Duke of Gloucester?’ Eleanor said. Jacqueline shook her head. ‘No. I cannot go. I need to think, to speak with my people and take counsel. Prepare. Make plans. I cannot go.’ She paused for a moment, her mouth twisting and hands wringing the cloth of her dress. ‘You go,’ she said.

12. The Bargain (Eleanor's POV of 'some hope', documenting one pregnancy and miscarriage)

Also God said to the woman, I shall multiply thy wretchednesses and thy conceivings; in sorrow thou shalt bear thy children; and thou shalt be under the power of thine husband, and he shall be lord of thee. O God, if only it was true. If she had to go through this, there must be some reward, some reason. Her eyes streamed. It was not enough listening to Hume extol the duties of a loyal, patient wife or the promise that God’s will was done and done alone or his scolding that one must not put the Lord to the test. But there had to be some hope, didn’t there? There had to be some reason. She was allowed to be impatient; she was getting older and her prayers to both St. Anne and St. Margaret had thus yielded nothing.

You can send me an ask with one or more numbers (anon is on) and/or vote in the poll below! You can totally do both, too.

[sea-side-scribbles]

Solas wakes up in the strange new world of his own making and it terrifies him. Ridden with guilt, he joins the Inquisition and begins his lonely research in order to correct his mistake.

He doesn’t expect to find consolation in the presence of a human who wields ancient elven magic without knowing it. Who is way too gentle for an elgar’thanelan, but doesn’t know that either.

Solas, for his part, doesn’t know how to stay away.

Dorian wonders if the mysterious elf just enjoys playing with a Tevinter. He wouldn’t expect anything else.

_____________________

Chapter 1- 13 | Right after uthenera, Solas is found by a Dalish clan. This goes well until it doesn’t. (Basically my excuse for world building and hilarious misunderstandings.)

Chapter 14 | Solas joins the Inquisition.

Chapter 20 | Dorian appears in Haven.

Chapter 38

Approaching the war table the next morning, Solas heard the advisor's voices already from far away. Now with the Herald back at the front, there was some direction in their dispute. They didn't speak all at once any longer, since Ellana demanded them to hear each other out. However, it was a heated argument about a point Solas could very well guess. He was sure to bring closure to their most dire problem.

Nearing the table, Cassandra spotted him first. “Solas”, she addressed him in her strict manner. “You appear to have a sense for rifts. Are there any nearby?” Looking around, Solas found four other tense faces, waiting for his answer. “Nothing to report, Seeker. The veil is strong in this area.” “Good. Then we at least do not have to worry about demons along our way.” “That means time remains our greatest enemy.” Cullen made a step towards Ellana. “Herald, I implore you, my proposal leads to the closest settlement from here. We cannot go hillwalking for weeks with a camp full of injured, untrained pilgrims.” The spymaster answered instead: “Your loyalty to the templars is honourable, but even you should not want to get so close to them again.”

Another quarrel ensued, with Josephine trying to soothe everyone but failing and Ellana pinching the bridge of her nose. She didn't know this area herself, so she had to make a choice based on these shems' opinions. Sometimes she missed even Corypheus.

She remembered Solas when he walked into her direction and gave him an apologetic look. For ignoring him. For the noise. For...everything. “Is there something else to report, Solas?” “I meant to submit a proposal myself. There is a fortress in these mountains, located in the north from here. We should arrive there within a few days. Considering its past use, it should have old trade routes we can repurpose to transport our own supplies. If we are looking for a new hideout for the Inquisition rather than to be at the mercy of other owners, it would be the most practical option.” Ellana furrowed her brows, surprised by the sudden solution. “A fortress? How do you know this?” “It has once been a very busy place. In ancient times, our ancestors used to visit it. Later, Fereldans came to claim it. Lastly, it was owned by dwarves. Such activity leaves traces in the fade.” “...that you just accidentally happened to pick up?” “I was aware of the fortress already in Haven, but there was no need to report it. Now, I think we should use the opportunity.”

Not everyone agreed. “I grew up in these lands. If there was a fortress in the Frostback Mountains, I would know about it”, Cullen protested. “Well, it hasn't been in use since after the Third Blight. I assume you Fereldans forgot about it.” “So it's a ruin? Probably useless? If it even exists?” “It looked well enough-” “-in the fade.” Cullen let out a desperate snort. “Herald, please, we can't let our soldiers search for...a pile of ancient stones, because an apostate dreamed about it. We need real shelter and supplies. Even reinforcements. Healers. Quickly.” “Well, at first, to get me listen to you in the first place, you must stop calling me Herald.” Cullen wiped his brow. “Maker's breath...” “And Andraste's flaming tits!”, Ellana shouted. “How hard is it to say my name? I know elves called Otargeniman and Sulahnadahlen just so you know you're lucky!” The Knight Commander scowled at her, then remembered who he believed her to be. “Miss Lavellan...”, he tried to say calmly. “Our people are running out of strength. And patience. This dream fortress should be out of the question.” He gave Solas a scowl now.

Solas took it without a wince. “Since you are concerned about time, how long to you plan your people to wait for the negotiations with whoever you are trying to form an alliance with in Ferelden? Remember, this organisation is running short of allies.” “That's why I suggested Orlais”, Leliana butted in. Val Royeaux has taken notice of us. I'd say impudence wins.” “But not with a group of apostate rebels in tow! We already spoke about this!”, Cullen flared up. “I mean, impudence and furtiveness.” “Assassins is what you say”, Cassandra clarified. “No, there will be no need for such methods. We will prove ourselves trustworthy to our future allies with peaceful negotiations”, Josephine begged.

“Guys, guys!” Ellana waved her hands in the air to make them stop. “Now that you expressed your opinions in your delightful human way, how about this: all your suggestions include going further north at some point, because nobody likes to risk meeting the archdemon again. Yes, even yours, Cassandra. So, we will look for that fortress on the way, it will be the closest destination. Solas should help locating it.” He nodded at her contentedly. “If we don't come across it, or find it to be a pile of useless rubble, we move on from there.” “And to where, I wonder?”, Cassandra narrowed her eyes. Ellana sighed. “We have time until then to make that decision.” Cassandra rolled her eyes while Leliana seemed to already form a plan in her head. “At least we're moving on.” Cullen calmed himself down.

Solas looked at the silencing group, satisfied with the result, as Ellana approached him quietly. “So...this fortress....you think our ancestors lived there? Ancient elves?” He lit up at her question, as if he had been waiting for it. “Indeed, however, finding a trace of our culture in the fortress itself will be difficult, since there have been many alterations over the ages. It should look rather dwarven now, with sturdy walls and sharp edges. But nevertheless useful for our cause.” “Does that mean you saw our ancestors in the fade?” Her expression was full of doubt. “Shadows of them, I heard fragments of their memories, the ancient tongue. I saw golden ornaments on crystal walls and a library bursting with tomes. Sadly, I believe we will not find them in the waking world.” Ellana blinked, overwhelmed by what she heard. “Do you believe everything you see in the fade?” “I still have my sanity and reason, if that is what you mean.” “Looking for answers in dreams is a dangerous ordeal”, she said, amusing Solas with the attempt of lecturing him. “I'm...curious what we will find in this fortress, if it exists.” “I never said not to be careful. I could be full of bandits.” She snorted. “Pirates with daggers in their mouths, counting their gold...” “Elven pirates then? Flying with aravels over the mountains?” She chuckled at the image and Solas regretted she couldn't really picture it.

He left the discussion soon after, because there was someone else who needed his attention.

Dorian's heart skipped a beat when he realized who visited him. Again. As if it was the most normal thing in the world. Another inside joke they shared, save from Varric and Blackwall, who weren't there to spoil the moment.

He tried not to stare too much, at the elf's lean figure, his straight posture, the little strut he allowed himself despite insisting to be a modest hermit. The coat that, admittedly, looked as if a blind man had stitched it together with the oldest scraps of fabric within reach, was belted just tightly enough to emphasize a slender waist. His leggings accentuated his long legs, his thighs and...other parts Dorian didn't dare to think about. It hurt to admit it, but considering the resources this elf had on hand in the wilds, he...did his best.

“Good morning, Dorian. Did you sleep well?” Such a...common greeting, but feeling strange, directed at him. “Well enough, considering the circumstances...” Dorian just about stopped his complaint, because the elf hadn't been too fond of these so far. This time, Solas reacted with the most adorable look, tilting his head and eyeing him curiously. Then he offered him his hand. “You mind a more thoroughly analysis?” Dorian almost coughed, but turned it into clearing his throat. When he held out his hand, he noticed in shock that it shivered. The Tevene curse was on the tip of his tongue, but Solas didn't seem to notice. He curled his fingers around Dorian's and closed his eyes.

Then Dorian stared, shamelessly. At the sharp features that he had never expected to soften for him and the hand that began to glow slightly. Sensing the tickle that ran along his arm, through his body, he realized that healing had never felt like this. The sting of sharp needles was missing. The nauseating feeling of his bones and tissue being forced back into order, that would press against his tongue until he lost all his stomach contents. Well, he wasn't terribly hurt anymore, no need for such brute force. Still, he made a mental note to ask about it. It seemed that Solas had his magic under control again and what had brought them to lose their minds was now gentle and helpful. The glow faded as Solas opened his eyes.

“I feel...better now”, Dorian stated, giving Solas a surprised look. The elf only nodded as if he had done something trivial. “I wasted your energy yesterday”, he said quietly, full of regret. Looking up, he went on: “Where are Varric and Blackwall?” Dorian didn't like the change of topic at all. “They were in good hands, last I saw them. No, I don't mean to make any implications, they are swarmed by healers and admirers that seem to want them to either heal faster or get earlier into their grave. Not sure yet.” To Solas' startled expression, he added: “Don't worry, Varric is already writing the tale and Blackwall is yelling at soldiers. They're both tough.” Tougher than me, was the conclusion Dorian hadn't intended to make. Welcome back, taste of foot in mouth.

But the real conclusion Solas came to was that the Tevinter was left alone by those he saved. Talk spread, of course, about his noble deeds, but nobody except for the healers seemed to dare get close to him. Regret washed over him and he sat beside Dorian on his bed. Now unfortunately, his feelings created a lump in his throat and emptied his mind. Awkward silence was the outcome.

He didn't know that for Dorian, this silence didn't feel awkward. Of course, he wished he had something witty to say. But the simple fact that Solas was sitting next to him and expressed sympathy flattered him. He didn't even pick up on the easy tease. “How are you?”, Dorian suddenly came up with. Solas lifted his head, looking as puzzled as he should have been. “I imagine it must've been...hard for you....Having to say farewell to your friends. We didn't exactly plan to come back...And now healing us...I imagine nobody asks about how exhausted you are.” The elf regarded him, giving Dorian the impression that he said something unbelievably silly. Heat rose up to his cheeks while he recalled...it wasn't that stupid, right?

“You are right...”, the elf said surprisingly soft. “Alas, I am not the one who made the sacrifice. My well-being does not matter in this situation.” “It matters to me.” Now he really rose to award-winning levels of stupidity. The elf averted his gaze, possibly embarrassed. “...and to Blackwall...and Varric...and...Ellana...”, he went on, trying to salvage it. “I mean, we are your friends...” Solas was still looking away. Now, come on. Could a simple “How are you” do so much damage?

“Thank you”, Solas finally said, and it stung differently than a scolding. “...For reminding me...Sometimes I forget...” He couldn't say more. Dorian sat up, moved closer to the upset elf. “It's an odd place, this Inquisition...It seems all of Thedas is coming together for a greater cause. And borders and statuses become blurred. I didn't think it would be possible, but I begin to like these people, despite their lacking conception of hygiene and home comforts...” He saw Solas' ears twitch. Oh, how much he missed these. How much he liked these. Maker forbid if Solas ever got the hint. The elf's chuckle lifted a rock from his chest. The entire Frostback Mountains. And the violet eyes directed at him... Elven eyes were so very fascinating. Especially his.

“I feel the same”, Solas whispered. “The Inquisition surprises me every day.” “It's a place of wonders, indeed.” Dorian gave him a smirk. “May I ask again: how are you?” Confusion flashed over Solas' features. I...I am glad you are alive...” He huffed out a faint chuckle. “Do you accept this as an answer?”, he asked as if he was following an order. Nevertheless, Dorian's heart skipped another beat. Making a thoughtful face, he tapped his chin. “Huh...It's a short answer, lacking a certain self-analysis, but it's nonetheless appreciated.” Solas looked relieved. “That is...good, is it not?” “For now.” They smiled at each other, approvingly. It was a wonderful moment.

None of them noticed the Dalish elf that peeked through the tent flaps and pressed a hand against her mouth.

Notes:

Otargeniman: from Antiva Sulahnadahlen: song of the forest

[salafiway]

*O’ My Beloved Brothers Series #15 - Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, may Allāh have mercy on him*

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, may Allāh have mercy on him, said:

“O’ my [beloved] Brothers: The only actions that nullify fasting, except for menstruation and postpartum bleeding, are those done knowingly, consciously, and willingly, while remembering that one is fasting.

The First Condition: Knowingly committing these nullifying actions renders one accountable. However, if done unknowingly, accountability is waived, ˹The believers pray,˺ “Our Lord! Do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake. Surah al-Baqarah, al-āyah 286. This principle applies whether the individual is unaware of the religious rulings, such as not recognising actions that invalidate fasting, or ignorant of the time, like mistakenly assuming dawn or sunset has occurred. For instance, consuming food while believing dawn has broken, or eating before sunset due to a misconception, does not invalidate the fast.

Nevertheless, if an individual is conscious that the sun has yet to set, they must refrain from consuming until it does. For instance, if someone inadvertently eats after dawn breaks and later realises their mistake, their fast remains valid, and there's no obligation to compensate for that day's fast since they were unaware of the time. Allāh has sanctioned the consumption of food and drink until it becomes evident that dawn has indeed arrived. Therefore, one is not obligated to compensate for actions that were deemed permissible by religious law.

The Second Condition: It is imperative for a fasting individual to remain mindful of their fast. If one unintentionally eats due to forgetfulness, their fast remains valid, and there is no requirement to compensate for it. The Prophet's, صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيهِ وَسَلَّم, instruction to continue fasting even after consuming food or drink serves as evidence of the fast's validity. Moreover, attributing the action to Allāh underscores that the fasting person won't be held accountable. However, upon remembering or being reminded of their fast, one should immediately cease eating and expel any food from their mouth, as the excuse of forgetfulness no longer applies. Similarly, it is incumbent upon anyone witnessing a fasting person eating or drinking to gently remind them of their fast.

The Third Condition: Deliberately breaking one’s fast involves a conscious choice to do so. However, if a fasting person is compelled or forced to break their fast, such as under duress, their fast remains valid. Allāh pardons individuals who are coerced into actions against their will, as long as their faith remains unwavering in their heart.

If a husband coerces his wife into intercourse while she is fasting, her fast remains valid, and she is not required to make it up. However, it is impermissible for him to compel her during her fast, except in the case of a voluntary fast, with her explicit consent, while he is present.

Similarly, if dust or any foreign object inadvertently enters a person's mouth and reaches their stomach, or passes through their throat while rinsing their mouth during ablution, their fast remains valid, and there is no obligation to make it up.

Applying eye-liner or using eye drops during fasting does not invalidate the fast, even if one perceives their taste in the throat. This is because they are neither classified as food nor drink, nor do they serve the function of nourishment or hydration. Similarly, using ear drops or applying medicine to a wound for treatment purposes does not break the fast, even if one senses the taste in the throat, as they also do not fall under the category of food or drink and do not function as such.

Tasting food without swallowing it or smelling oils and fragrances does not invalidate the fast. However, caution is advised against sniffing incense smoke, as it may inadvertently reach the stomach through the throat. Similarly, rinsing the mouth or cleaning the nostrils with water during ablution does not nullify the fast. It's important, though, to avoid sniffing water too forcefully into the nostrils to prevent it from reaching the stomach.

Additionally, using the _miswāk_ (tooth-stick) is permissible and even recommended at the beginning and end of the day, whether one is fasting or not. It is advisable for the fasting individual to refrain from using toothpaste to clean their mouth during fasting, as it has a strong flavour that may potentially mix with saliva and reach the stomach. Therefore, it is recommended to rely on the _miswāk_ (tooth-stick), which is sufficient for oral hygiene during fasting.

O’ my [beloved] Brothers: Strive to comprehend the teachings of Allāh’s Book, as it leads to worshipping Him with true knowledge. Indeed, those with knowledge are not on the same level as those without it. If Allāh desires goodness for His servant, He grants them understanding of the religion.”

Majālis Shahr Ramadān | Al-Majlis al-Khāmis ‘Ashr | Page 105-111 | Shaykh ibn ‘Uthaymeen, [may Allāh have mercy on him].

Translation: Authentic Quotes

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[fluffypotatey]

Silly/Dumb Things that Make Me Irrationally Angry

disclaimer: the key words here are “silly” & “dumb”

The “Narnia Kids are the Founders of Hogwarts” theory

The “it was all a dream” theory

Thinking protagonist = hero

When fandom villainizes a character simply because they’re “in the way of a ship”

Character in relationship starts pursuing a different character (typically the MC) but doesn’t break up with the character they’re currently dating?????

Speed running enemies to lovers trope (that’s a trope for slow burns wtf are you doing put it down!)

Calling Disney’s Beauty & The Beast a story about Stockholm Syndrome 

Calling any diverse media “woke” to undermine it

Misunderstanding how tags work on ao3 (particularly the / and & for pairings)

Misunderstanding the purpose of tags on ao3

Calling Lucy Heartfilia weak 

Forgetting that Dick Grayson was a mathlete

Basing all of Jason Todd’s personality on his anger and ruthlessness 

Misunderstanding Jason Todd’s anger

The DCEU butchering my boy Batsy

The “I was accidentally eavesdropping and left believing they were talking shit about me but turns out I missed the most important bits” trope

Being a military historian who loves the Civil War (I don’t trust you)

Using the word “females” to sound smarter (you just sound dumb also “women” is right there)

Spring Break being colder than usual (IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF MARCH IN TEXAS WHY WAS I SHIVERING)

Calling me by a nickname that I already refused to (you gotta earn that shit)

Ep 2.08 is never really touched on again after it’s “resolved”

vld’s lost potential (while i have made my peace, i will still bare my scars)

text blocks in fics

dialogue with no quotation marks 

“Oh lookie, we got this wonderful fantastical world (that takes some inspiration from history) with it’s own politics and world building BUT we keep the sexism and racial prejudice bc the inspiration we pulled was medieval times :)” <- i will fight you for sport

mistaking rivals to lovers for enemies to lovers (similar flavor just R to L is slightly tamer. can they blend? yes, but they are not the same thing)

the blatant disregard for internet safety on tiktok (why tf would you announce your age, show your face, and air out your dirty laundry to everyone??? where is your caution? this is not vine, lil beans, y’all are stressing me out. did you miss the pbs episode about the dino agents and stranger danger??? or the fever dream computer game our 1st grade class had to play at school???)

if you have the sniffles, for the love of all things holy, please stand up and get a tissue. no one cares if you get up. i honestly prefer hearing you blow out your nose than hearing you suck up snot every 5 minutes.

taking the backstories told by Macaque and Azure about the Monkey King in lmk at face value (biased narratives are a thing! unreliable narrators are a thing! i will give the biggest sigh if Sun Wukong is placed as the sole character at fault in another fic i read with this)

“redemption” arcs

“sympathetic” villains

missing the fucking point about why Batman chooses mercy and rehabilitation over baseless violence (this also coincides with my issue with how some people view Jason as the Punisher 2.0 bc it suffers through the same fucking glorification of justifying apathy of human life and rejection of 2nd chances)

missing the fucking point about what makes Superman super (here’s a hint: it’s not his fucking power)

the fact that i missed most of Vine’s peak bc i wasn’t allowed a phone until middle school

i lost my post canon script of Cinderella in the prince’s POV that i wrote in 6th grade (rip, i should have created a personal gmail so much sooner, i could have saved you T^T)

understanding a motive does not equal justifying or excusing said motive. you just now understand why a person did what they did. maybe you find justification in it, maybe not, but it’s not absolute!

[tammyblackday]

My heart.

I'm not, nor have I ever claimed to be, a perfect human. I make all kinds of mistakes on a daily basis. I learn from most of my mistakes Sadly, the ones I've made with the family I raised and my family of origin keep me from living my fullest and best life. I'll do my best to explain, knowing that some of what I'm writing contradicts itself and/or my own beliefs.

I do believe that everyone has the right to choose who they want to have active in their lives. And, I also believe that ending a relationship with another person can be used as a control tactic and that the person on the receiving end is at the mercy of the other. Let me see if I can explain this better.

I didn't get a choice in my divorce. It was thrust upon me. I didn't get to choose for two of my children to go no-contact after a lifetime of working things through. I wasn't given a choice to never hear from my closest niece again. I have absolutely no idea why after twelve years of connection, healing, and relationship building, that my father would tell me to leave him alone forever. I had no say in my brother deciding that he no longer wants us to "meet in any way" again.

Did I play my part in these failed relationships? Of course I did. However, my ex and I were amicable and still had family time together for nearly two years after our divorce. Then, he suddenly decided he was done. I've a niece who ended a close relationship and used my words against me as justification for doing so. My kids and I spoke at least weekly, if not daily, for many years after they became adults. They became more distant from me after I met my now husband because of my inability to deal with changes in my life, but we'd kept trying until suddenly one tells me they had only met with me to end our relationship and the other just started to ignore me for years. I tried too hard and made too many mistakes, which drained them emotionally.

Over the past three years, I've learned through the internet about my daughter's college achievements and my son's born son that I've never met. My niece has two beautiful children. My dad expressing himself freely without judgement from me. Their lives seem to be better without me, but my life is certainly not better without them.

I may have played a part but I didn't get a say. None of these family members actually know me, or have taken time to ask me about who I have become or who I am. Instead, they've taken details from their own lives and sporadic interactions with too much passing time in between and created a version of me that they can reject. I'm easy to hate if you freeze-frame me on one of my worst days.

Imagine you know someone your whole life, but then decide to only focus on all the "bad" things or "negative" interactions you've experienced. It becomes easier to reject them. Plus, you're in control. You now get to determine aspects of that person's life without being accountable for the pain and suffering you've caused them.

This is where things become contradictory because what about the pain and suffering I've caused them? Yes, I have caused pain and not handled myself in the best manner possible.

No excuses.

And, I'm a communication person. I believe all relationships can be healed and managed with mutual respect and clear communication. However, both parties must be willing to get to know each other more than they think they do. They've no respect for me. I lost that over the years. Unfortunately, none of them can articulate to me how.

As for me, not only have I worked hard at therapy and trauma healing over the past three years, I've accomplished so much in my life. I've moved. I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis that helps provide a framework for my undesirable behaviors, such as emotional deregulation during stressful encounters and blurting out what is on my mind without considering the implications. I've also worked to become more aware of the importance of setting boundaries for myself and taking "time-outs" to think before I speak.

These are all great attributes that have improved many of my relationships. Unfortunately, I've no control over my family's willingness to consider reconciliation and forgiveness. I've the desire to heal but no power in the pain.

So, what do I do? I keep learning and growing. I keep trying to figure out how to express myself in healthy ways that help me to let go of the past and those who no longer desire to know me. I hope there comes a day in which we can navigate a new kind of relationship that's built on trust, understanding, compassion, and a willingness to assume best intentions. One of love.

[dinaive]

The Noble Marriage Between the Parents of Imam Abu Hanifa (Rahmatullah Allaih)

One of our pious predecessors, Thabit Bin Nu’man , was hungry and tired as he was passing through a garden that bordered a river. He was so hungry that he could hear his stomach growling, and so his eyes became fixed on the fruits he saw on the various trees of the garden. In a fit of desperation, he forgot himself and extended his hand to an apple that was within reach. He ate half of it and then drank water from the river. But then he became overcome with guilt, despite the fact that he had only eaten because of dire need.He said to himself, “Woe unto me! How can I eat someone else’s fruits without his permission? I make it binding upon myself not to leave this place until I find the owner of this garden and ask him to forgive me for having eaten one of his apples.“After a brief search, he found the owner’s house. He knocked on the door and the owner of the garden came out and asked him what he wanted.Thabit Bin Nu’man said, “I entered your garden that borders the river, and I took this apple and ate half of it. Then I remembered it does not belong to me, and so I ask you now to excuse me for having eaten it and to forgive me for my mistake.“The man said, “On one condition only I will forgive you for your mistake.“Thabit Bin Nu’man asked, “And what is that condition?“He said, “That you marry my daughter.“Thabit Bin Nu’man said, “I will marry her.“The man said, “But heed you this; indeed my daughter is blind, she does not see; mute, she does not speak; deaf, she does not hear.“Thabit Bin Nu’man began to ponder over his situation; a difficult predicament indeed did he find himself in now; what should he do? Not get out of it, thought Thabit, for he realised that to be tested by such a woman, to take care of her, and to serve her, are all better than to eat from the foul matter of the Hellfire as a reward for the apple that he ate. And after all, the days of this world are limited.And so he accepted the condition to mary the girl, seeking his reward from Allaah, Lord of all that exists. He was nonetheless somewhat anxious in the days prior to the marriage.He thought, “How can I have intimate relations with a woman who neither speaks nor sees nor hears?“So miserable did he become that he almost wished for the earth to swallow him up before the appointed date.Yet despite such apprehensions, he placed his complete trust upon Allaah and he said, “There is neither might nor power except with Allaah. Indeed to Allaah do we belong and indeed to Him shall we al return.“On the day of the marriage he saw her for the first time. She stood up before him and said, “Peace, mercy and blessings of Allaah be upon you.“When he saw her grace and beauty, he was reminded of what he would see when he would imagine the fair maidens of paradise (i.e., the gorgeous hoor al-ayn). After a brief pause he said, “What is this? She indeed speaks, hears and sees.” He then told her what her father said earlier.She said, “My father has spoken the truth. He said I was mute because I do not speak any forbidden word, and I have never spoken to any man who is not lawful to me (i.e., she has never spoken to any ghair mahrams)! And I am indeed deaf in the sense that I have never sat in a gathering in which there is backbiting, slander, or false and vain speech! And I am indeed blind, in the sense that I have never looked upon a man who is not permissible for me!”The fruit of this marriage was the birth of a child who grew up to be one of the most prominent Imams of all times, the founder of the Hanafi School of Discipline in Islam- Imam Abu Hanifa (Rahmatullah Allaih). Reference: Abdul-Malik Mujahid (2004) Gems And Jewels. Published by: Dar-us-Salam Publications. pp. 261-263

[ramadhanseries]

JUZ 24 - LESSONS

➖SURAH AZ-ZUMAR

-Do not lie about Allah SWT. Do not say it is in the Qur'an when it is not there. Do not call

Allah SWT with the Names that are not His.

How Does One Lie About Allah SWT?

-Ascribing partners with Him

-Ascribing a statement to Him

If you want Allah SWT to erase your evil deeds then increase your good deeds

-A smart person is he who relies upon Allah SWT. When people harm you by their words or actions say HasbiyaAllah (Allah SWT is Sufficient for me).

- Instead of fighting with people - do Da'wah. Present your Deen in such a way that people want to learn more.

Do not nag anyone after doing Da'wah. Our responsibility is only to communicate.

-Our souls are taken away every time we sleep. Do not forget to sleep in the state of ablution and recite your Adhkar. Say the Kalimah so that if you die, you are resurrected on Tawheed.

Life is short, do not sleep it away

-Do not be of those who when Allah SWT is mentioned their hearts are constricted. How can we check this?

What kind of gatherings do you enjoy?

Qur'an class?

Halaqahs? Taraweeh

Iftaar party?

Tea-party or any social gathering? waiting outside a store for 2-4 hours to get a discount or buy the latest gadget?

when people invite us to an Islamic lecture, a Dars, a Halaqah, do we go running or do we come up with excuses (I've to do this and that!?

Do we like to talk about Allah SWT more or do we like to talk about our spouses, our children, the latest fashion, recipes, favorite drama and other people?

-Do not attribute your success or blessings to yourself. For example, do not say, "I got this position because I am brilliant," or "Because I have great networking skills." Every blessing that we enjoy is a favor of Allah SWT. Do not forget Him when you are blessed.

If you have done any wrong in the past then remember this ayah:

"O My servants who have transgressed against themselves (by sinning), do not despair of the mercy of Allah Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the forgiving, the Merciful." 39.53)

-Do not wait for Hajj, 'Umrah or Ramadan to come for you to repent. Repent as soon as you realize you have committed a mistake.

"And follow the best of what was revealed to you from your Lord..." (39:55)

Do what the Qur'an commands you to do. Do not invent things in the religion

-Ayaat 39: 56-58 tell us to explain Ayaat 53-54 to the people. Give them hope. No matter how ignorant we were in the past Allah SWT is willing to forgive us.

-When you hear the Ayaat of Allah SWT such as Zakat is better than Riba, do not deny it.

Do not say this was for that time it does not apply to today's time anymore

"But yes, there had come to you My Ayaat, but you denied them and were arrogant, and you were among disbelievers." (39:59) the

Our attitude should be "Perhaps, I don't understand this command but it is true because it is from Allah SWT. It is difficult for me to leave my haram job but I acknowledge that it is haram." Then this person strives/makes an effort to find a halal job even if it pays less.

- On the Day of Judgment, some people will have black faces because of their evil deeds. If you want radiance in this world and the next, increase your good deeds.

"Allah is the Creator of all things, and He is, over all things. Disposer of affairs. To Him belong the keys of the heavens and the earth. And they who disbelieve in the verses of Allah - it is those who are the losers." (39:62-63)

So ask Him!

Do not go for the haram job, haram relationship, haram provision, mortgage, student loan, car loan or any other kind of haram

- Shirk will not be forgiven unless one does Tawbah. Learn about different types of Shirk.

- On the Day of Judgment, the only light will be Allah's Noor (see 39:69)

- On the Day of Judgment, each person will be paid according to what he did so see where you are investing your time and skills. Do not be too involved in decorating your Dunya.

-The first words of the people of Jannah will be, "Alhumdulillah." Because it was His Mercy that He guided us to the Right Path and enabled us to do the righteous deeds.

DO NOT JUST RELY ON MERCY

ASK ALLAH SWT FOR HIS MERCY

DO SOMETHING!

(Righteous deeds with sincerity acc.to Sunnah) Do NOT JUST DEPEND ON YOUR DEEDS.

➖SURAH GHAFIR/AL-MU'MIN

TAWBAH DEMANDS

Repentance

Realization

Cessation (Don't persist in sin) with sincerity)

(Salat al-Tawbah)

Reformation (Seek knowledge) + Right Timing

(ASAP. Don't wait for tommorrow) (I did wrong)

-The angels who bear the Throne make du'a for us:

"Our Lord, You have encompassed all things in mercy and knowledge, so forgive those who have repented and followed Your way and protect them from the punishment of Hellfire. Our Lord, and admit them to gardens of perpetual residence which You have promised them and

whoever was righteous among their fathers, their spouses and their offspring. Indeed, it is You who is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.

And protect them from the evil consequences [of their deeds]. And he whom You protect from evil consequences that Day - You will have given him mercy. And that is the great attainment." (39:62- 63)

These du'as are for those who believe, repent and follow the way of Allah SWT.

"He knows the fraud of the eyes..." (40:19)

➖Fraud of the Eyes

-looking at a non-mahram (man or woman)

-looking at haram scenes (in movies, dramas, magazines)

-looking at someone else's confidential material

-"And what the chests conceal." (40:19) Haram feelings, haram thoughts and ideas

➖Prophet Musa's Du'a

إِنِّي عُذْتُ بِرَبِّي وَرَبِّكُم مِّن كُلِّ مُتَكَبِرٍ لَّا يُؤْمِنُ بِيَوْمِ الْحِسَابِ

"Indeed, I have sought refuge in my Lord and your Lord from every arrogant one who does not believe in the Day of Account." (40:27)

- Learn Da'wah tips from the believing man of the Pharaoh's family (see 40:28-44)

"O my people, this worldly life is only temporary) enjoyment, and indeed, the Hereafter-that is the home of (permanent settlement." (40:39)

Do not dispute the Ayaat of Allah SWT. Why do people dispute? Because of the pride in their heart. So seek refuge in Allah SWT.

- "And not equal are the blind and the seeing, nor are those who believe and do righteous deeds and the evildoer. Little do you remember." (40:58)

meaning those who believe and do righteous deeds and those who just "wish" to enter Jannah without making any effort.

There is none worthy of worship EXCEPT Allah SWT. Invoke Him Alone. Do righteous deeds only for Him not to show-off. Do not love or rely on anyone more than Him.

"He is the Ever-Living: there is no deity except Him, so call upon Him, [being] sincere to Him in religion. [All] praise is [due] to Allah, Lord of the worlds." (40:65)

-When Allah SWT decided upon a thing all He has to say is "Kun" and it will be. Nothing is impossible for Him. Improve your du'as.

➖SURAH FUSSILAT

-The Qur'an was revealed in Arabic, so learn the language

- who when commanded to come to Allah SWT willingly or unwillingly said, "We have come willingly." (41:11)

How do we go to Allah SWT? willingly or unwillingly? our prayer contains the answer to this question. How quickly do we respond to the call to the prayer.

Wouldn't the earth want to swallow us up, when it submitted to Allah SWT at one call and we openly commit sins on it day in and day out.

Our skin will testify against us of what we used to do (see 41:20)

Our ears.... She used me to listen to the haram

Our eyes.....She used me to see the haram

She used me to commit the haram

Remember this when disobeying Allah SWT

-Do not make noise when the Qur'an is being recited or you are in a religious gathering, whether a lecture or a mosque

-The best speech is talking about Allah SWT Calling people to Allah SWT

Use your skills to call people to Allah SWT. Your writing skills, speaking skills, etc.

"And who is better in speech than one who invites to Allah and does righteousness and says, Indeed. I am of the Muslims." (41:33)

SPEAK GOOD

STAND FIRM IN DEEN

INVITE PEOPLE TO ALLAH SWT

DO RIGHTEOUS DEEDS

DECLARE: YOU'RE A MUSLIM

(Do not change your name, your dressing, your lifestyle, when you move abroad)

Good deeds and evil deeds are not equal

Repel evil with good

Enmity/hatred will change into close friendship

But this is difficult and cannot be done without patience

The problem is with us, control your tongue and thoughts

Think good about others Be with the righteous who do good deeds and encourage you to do good

SHAYTAN WON'T LET YOU DO THIS

Will come back and whisper to you,

"How can you forgive her?" "How can you be nice to him?" "Remember, what she said to you?"

DON'T PAY HEED TO HIS WHISPERINGS

MAKE DU'A

SEEK REFUGE IN ALLAH SWT.

JUZ 24 - பாடங்கள்

➖சூரா அஸ்-ஜுமர்

-அல்லாஹ்வை பற்றி பொய் சொல்லாதீர்கள் SWT. இல்லாத போது குரானில் உள்ளது என்று கூறாதீர்கள். அழைப்பு விடுக்காதே

அல்லாஹ் தனக்கல்லாத பெயர்களை மாற்றுகிறான்.

அல்லாஹ் SWT பற்றி ஒருவர் எப்படி பொய் சொல்கிறார்?

-அவருடன் கூட்டாளிகளைக் கூறுதல்

- அவருக்கு ஒரு அறிக்கையைக் கூறுதல்

அல்லாஹ் உங்கள் தீய செயல்களை அழிக்க வேண்டுமென நீங்கள் விரும்பினால், உங்கள் நற்செயல்களை அதிகரிக்கவும்

-அல்லாஹ்வை நம்பியிருப்பவர் புத்திசாலி. மக்கள் தங்கள் வார்த்தைகள் அல்லது செயல்களால் உங்களுக்கு தீங்கு விளைவிக்கும் போது ஹஸ்பியாஅல்லாஹ் (அல்லாஹ் SWT எனக்கு போதுமானது) என்று கூறுங்கள்.

- மக்களுடன் சண்டையிடுவதற்குப் பதிலாக - தஃவா செய்யுங்கள். மக்கள் மேலும் அறிய விரும்பும் வகையில் உங்கள் தீனை முன்வைக்கவும்.

தஃவா செய்த பிறகு யாரையும் கேலி செய்யாதீர்கள். தொடர்பு கொள்வது மட்டுமே எங்கள் பொறுப்பு.

- நாம் தூங்கும் ஒவ்வொரு முறையும் நம் ஆன்மா பறிக்கப்படுகிறது. துறவு நிலையில் தூங்கவும், உங்கள் அத்காரத்தை ஓதவும் மறக்காதீர்கள். நீங்கள் இறந்தால் தவ்ஹீதில் உயிர்ப்பிக்கப்படுவீர்கள் என்று கலிமாவைச் சொல்லுங்கள்.

வாழ்க்கை குறுகியது, தூங்க வேண்டாம்

-அல்லாஹ்வைக் குறிப்பிடும் போது அவர்களின் இதயங்கள் சுருங்கிக் கிடப்பவர்களில் ஒன்றாகி விடாதீர்கள். இதை எப்படி சரிபார்க்கலாம்?

எந்த மாதிரியான கூட்டங்களை நீங்கள் ரசிக்கிறீர்கள்?

குர்ஆன் வகுப்பா?

ஹலக்காக்கள்? தராவீஹ்

இப்தார் விருந்து?

தேநீர் விருந்து அல்லது ஏதேனும் சமூகக் கூட்டமா? தள்ளுபடி பெற அல்லது சமீபத்திய கேஜெட்டை வாங்க 2-4 மணிநேரம் கடைக்கு வெளியே காத்திருக்கிறீர்களா?

இஸ்லாமிய சொற்பொழிவு, தார்ஸ், ஹலக்கா போன்றவற்றிற்கு மக்கள் நம்மை அழைக்கும் போது, ​​நாம் ஓடுகிறோமா அல்லது சாக்குப்போக்கு சொல்ல வருகிறோமா (நான் இதையும் அதையும் செய்ய வேண்டும்!?

நாம் அல்லாஹ்வை பற்றி அதிகம் பேச விரும்புகிறோமா அல்லது நம் மனைவி, நம் குழந்தைகள், சமீபத்திய ஃபேஷன், சமையல் வகைகள், பிடித்த நாடகம் மற்றும் பிற நபர்களைப் பற்றி பேச விரும்புகிறோமா?

- உங்கள் வெற்றியையோ அல்லது ஆசீர்வாதங்களையோ நீங்களே காரணம் காட்டாதீர்கள். உதாரணமாக, "நான் புத்திசாலித்தனமாக இருப்பதால் இந்த நிலை கிடைத்தது" அல்லது "எனக்கு சிறந்த நெட்வொர்க்கிங் திறன் இருப்பதால்" என்று சொல்லாதீர்கள். நாம் அனுபவிக்கும் ஒவ்வொரு ஆசீர்வாதமும் அல்லாஹ்வின் அருட்கொடையாகும். நீங்கள் ஆசீர்வதிக்கப்படும்போது அவரை மறந்துவிடாதீர்கள்.

கடந்த காலத்தில் நீங்கள் ஏதேனும் தவறு செய்திருந்தால், இந்த வசனத்தை நினைவில் கொள்ளுங்கள்:

"(பாவம் செய்து) தமக்கு எதிராக வரம்பு மீறிய எனது அடியார்களே, அல்லாஹ்வின் கருணையை நினைத்து விரக்தியடைய வேண்டாம், நிச்சயமாக அல்லாஹ் எல்லா பாவங்களையும் மன்னிப்பான். நிச்சயமாக அவனே மன்னிப்பவனாகவும், கருணையுடையவனாகவும் இருக்கின்றான்." 39.53)

நீங்கள் மனந்திரும்புவதற்காக ஹஜ், உம்ரா அல்லது ரமலான் வரும் வரை காத்திருக்க வேண்டாம். தவறு செய்ததை உணர்ந்தவுடன் மனம் வருந்தவும்.

"உங்கள் இறைவனிடமிருந்து உங்களுக்கு அறிவிக்கப்பட்டவற்றில் சிறந்ததைப் பின்பற்றுங்கள்..." (39:55)

குர்ஆன் உங்களுக்குக் கட்டளையிடுவதைச் செய்யுங்கள். மார்க்கத்தில் உள்ள விஷயங்களைப் புனையாதீர்கள்

-ஆயாத் 39: 56-58 ஆயாத் 53-54 ஐ மக்களுக்கு விளக்கச் சொல்லுங்கள். அவர்களுக்கு நம்பிக்கை கொடுங்கள். கடந்த காலத்தில் நாம் எவ்வளவு அறியாமையாக இருந்தபோதிலும் அல்லா SWT நம்மை மன்னிக்க தயாராக இருக்கிறார்.

ரிபாவை விட ஜகாத் சிறந்தது என்று அல்லாஹ்வின் ஆயத்தை நீங்கள் கேட்டால், அதை மறுக்காதீர்கள்.

அன்றைய காலகட்டம் என்று சொல்லாதீர்கள், அது இன்றைய காலத்திற்குப் பொருந்தாது

"ஆனால் ஆம், என் ஆயத் உங்களிடம் வந்துள்ளது, ஆனால் நீங்கள் அவற்றை மறுத்து, ஆணவத்துடன் இருந்தீர்கள், மேலும் நீங்கள் காஃபிர்களில் இருந்தீர்கள்." (39:59) தி

நமது மனப்பான்மை "ஒருவேளை, இந்த கட்டளை எனக்கு புரியவில்லை, ஆனால் இது உண்மையாக இருக்கலாம், ஏனெனில் இது அல்லாஹ் சுபஹ்விடமிருந்து வந்தது. நான் எனது ஹராம் வேலையை விட்டுவிடுவது கடினம், ஆனால் இது ஹராம் என்பதை நான் ஒப்புக்கொள்கிறேன்." இந்த நபர் குறைந்த சம்பளம் கொடுத்தாலும் ஹலால் வேலையைக் கண்டுபிடிக்க பாடுபடுகிறார்/முயற்சி செய்கிறார்.

- கியாமத் நாளில், சிலர் தங்கள் தீய செயல்களால் முகம் கறுப்பாக இருப்பார்கள். இம்மையிலும் மறுமையிலும் பொலிவு வேண்டுமானால் உங்கள் நற்செயல்களை அதிகப்படுத்துங்கள்.

"அல்லாஹ் அனைத்தையும் படைத்தவன், அவனே எல்லாப் பொருட்களின் மீதும் இருக்கிறான், காரியங்களைச் செய்பவன். அவனுக்கே வானங்கள் மற்றும் பூமியின் திறவுகோல்கள் உள்ளன. மேலும் அல்லாஹ்வின் வசனங்களை நிராகரிப்பவர்களே - அவர்கள் நஷ்டமடைந்தவர்கள். ." (39:62-63)

எனவே அவரிடம் கேளுங்கள்!

ஹராம் வேலை, ஹராம் உறவு, ஹராம் வழங்குதல், அடமானம், மாணவர் கடன், கார் கடன் அல்லது வேறு எந்த வகையான ஹராமுக்கும் செல்ல வேண்டாம்.

- தவ்பா செய்யாதவரை ஷிர்க் மன்னிக்கப்படாது. பல்வேறு வகையான ஷிர்க் பற்றி அறிந்து கொள்ளுங்கள்.

- தீர்ப்பு நாளில், அல்லாஹ்வின் நூர் மட்டுமே வெளிச்சம் (பார்க்க 39:69)

- நியாயத்தீர்ப்பு நாளில், ஒவ்வொரு நபரும் அவர் என்ன செய்தாரோ அதற்கு ஏற்ப ஊதியம் வழங்கப்படும், எனவே நீங்கள் உங்கள் நேரத்தையும் திறமையையும் எங்கு முதலீடு செய்கிறீர்கள் என்பதைப் பாருங்கள். உங்கள் துன்யாவை அலங்கரிப்பதில் அதிக ஈடுபாடு கொள்ளாதீர்கள்.

- ஜன்னாவின் மக்களின் முதல் வார்த்தைகள், "அல்ஹம்துலில்லாஹ்." ஏனென்றால், அவருடைய கருணையே அவர் நம்மை நேர்வழியில் வழிநடத்தி, நேர்மையான செயல்களைச் செய்ய உதவினார்.

கருணையை மட்டும் நம்பாதீர்கள்

அல்லாஹ்வின் கருணைக்காக அல்லாஹ்விடம் கேளுங்கள்

ஏதாவது செய்!

(சுன்னாவுக்கு நேர்மையுடன் கூடிய நேர்மையான செயல்கள்) உங்கள் செயல்களை மட்டும் சார்ந்து இருக்காதீர்கள்.

➖சூரா கஃபிர்/அல்-முமின்

தவ்பா கோருகிறது

தவம்

உணர்தல்

நிறுத்துதல் (பாவத்தில் நிலைத்திருக்காதே) நேர்மையுடன்

(ஸலாத் அல்-தவ்பா)

சீர்திருத்தம் (அறிவைத் தேடுங்கள்) + சரியான நேரம்

(விரைவாக. நாளைக்காக காத்திருக்க வேண்டாம்) (நான் தவறு செய்தேன்)

- சிம்மாசனத்தைச் சுமக்கும் வானவர்கள் நமக்காக துஆ செய்கிறார்கள்:

"எங்கள் இறைவனே, நீங்கள் அனைத்தையும் கருணையாலும் அறிவாலும் சூழ்ந்திருக்கிறீர்கள், எனவே மனந்திரும்பி, உமது வழியைப் பின்பற்றியவர்களை மன்னித்து, நரக நெருப்பின் தண்டனையிலிருந்து அவர்களைக் காப்பாயாக. எங்கள் இறைவா, அவர்களை நீ அவர்களுக்கு வாக்களித்த நிரந்தரமான வசிப்பிட தோட்டங்களில் அனுமதிப்பாயாக.

அவர்களின் தந்தையர், அவர்களின் துணைவியார் மற்றும் அவர்களது சந்ததியினரிடையே நீதிமான்களாக இருந்தவர்கள். நிச்சயமாக, நீயே வல்லமை மிக்கவன், ஞானமுள்ளவன்.

மேலும் [அவர்களின் செயல்களின்] தீய விளைவுகளிலிருந்து அவர்களைக் காப்பாற்றுவாயாக. அந்த நாளில் நீங்கள் யாரை தீய விளைவுகளிலிருந்து காப்பாற்றுகிறீர்களோ - அவருக்கு நீங்கள் கருணை வழங்கியிருப்பீர்கள். அதுவே பெரிய சாதனையாகும்." (39:62-63)

இந்த துஆக்கள் அல்லாஹ்வின் வழியை நம்பி, மனந்திரும்பி, பின்பற்றுபவர்களுக்கானது.

"கண்களின் மோசடியை அவர் அறிவார்..." (40:19)

➖கண்களின் மோசடி

மஹ்ரம் அல்லாத ஒருவரைப் பார்ப்பது (ஆண் அல்லது பெண்)

ஹராம் காட்சிகளைப் பார்ப்பது (திரைப்படங்கள், நாடகங்கள், பத்திரிகைகளில்)

- வேறொருவரின் ரகசியப் பொருளைப் பார்ப்பது

- "மார்ப���கள் எதை மறைக்கிறது." (40:19) ஹராம் உணர்வுகள், ஹராம் எண்ணங்கள் மற்றும் கருத்துக்கள்

➖நபி மூஸாவின் துஆ

إِنِّي عُذْتُ بِرَبِّي وَرَبِّكُم مِّن كُلِّ مُتَكَبِرٍ لَّا يُؤْمِنُ بِيَوْمِ الْحِسَابِ

"நிச்சயமாக, கணக்குக் கேட்கும் நாளில் நம்பிக்கை கொள்ளாத ஒவ்வொரு ஆணவக்காரர்களிடமிருந்தும் நான் என் இறைவனிடமும், உங்கள் இறைவனிடமும் பாதுகாப்ப���த் தேடினேன்." (40:27)

- ஃபிர்அவ்னின் குடும்பத்தைச் சேர்ந்த விசுவாசியான மனிதரிடமிருந்து தாவா உதவிக்குறிப்புகளைக் கற்றுக்கொள்ளுங்கள் (பார்க்க 40:28-44)

"என் மக்களே, இவ்வுலக வாழ்க்கை தற்காலிகமானது மட்டுமே, நிச்சயமாக, மறுவுலகம் தான் (நிரந்தர தீர்வுக்கான வீடு." (40:39)

அல்லாஹ்வின் ஆயத்தை மறுக்காதீர்கள் SWT. மக்கள் ஏன் தக��ாறு செய்கிறார்கள்? காரணம் அவர்களின் உள்ளத்தில் உள்ள பெருமை. எனவே அல்லாஹ்விடம் பாதுகாப்பு தேடுங்கள் SWT.

- "மற்றும் பார்வையற்றோரும் பார்வையுடையோரும் சமமானவர்கள் அல்ல, நம்பிக்கை கொண்டு நற்செயல்கள் செய்பவர்களும், தீமை செய்பவர்களும் சமமானவர்கள் அல்ல. நீங்கள் சிறிதும் நினைவில் கொள்வதில்லை." (40:58)

நம்பிக்கை மற்றும் நற்செயல்களைச் செய்பவர்கள் மற்றும் எந்த முயற்சியும் செய்யாமல் ஜன்னாவில் நுழைய "விரும்புபவர்கள்" என்று பொருள்.

அல்லாஹ்வைத் தவிர வணக்கத்திற்கு தகுதியானவர்கள் யாரும் இல்லை. அவரை தனியாக அழைக்கவும். அவரைக் காட்டிக் கொள்ளாமல் நீதியான செயல்களைச் செய்யுங்கள். அவரை விட அதிகமாக யாரையும் நேசிக்கவோ, சார்ந்திருக்கவோ கூடாது.

"அவன் என்றென்றும் வாழ்பவன்: அவனைத் தவிர வேறு தெய்வம் இல்லை, எனவே அவனைக் கூப்பிடுங்கள், மதத்தில் அவருக்கு உண்மையாக இருங்கள். [எல்லாப்] புகழும் அகிலங்களின் இறைவனாகிய அல்லாஹ்வுக்கே." (40:65)

-அல்லாஹ் SWT ஒரு விஷயத்தை முடிவு செய்யும் போது அவர் சொல்ல வேண்டியது எல்லாம் "குன்" தான். அவரால் முடியாதது எதுவுமில்லை. உங்கள் துஆக்களை மேம்படுத்துங்கள்.

➖சூரா ஃபுசிலட்

-குர்ஆன் அரபு மொழியில் வெளிப்படுத்தப்பட்டது, எனவே மொழியைக் கற்றுக்கொள்ளுங்கள்

- விருப்பத்துடன் அல்லது விருப்பமின்றி அல்லாஹ்விடம் வருமாறு கட்டளையிடப்பட்ட போது, ​​"நாங்கள் விருப்பத்துடன் வந்துள்ளோம்" என்று கூறினார். (41:11)

அல்லாஹ்விடம் எப்படி செல்வது? விருப்பத்துடன் அல்லது விருப்பமின்றி? இந்த கேள்விக்கான பதில் எங்கள் பிரார்த்தனையில் உள்ளது. தொழுகைக்கான அழைப்பிற்கு நாம் எவ்வளவு விரைவாக பதிலளிக்கிறோம்.

ஒரே அழைப்பில் அல்லாஹ்வுக்கு அடிபணிந்து, நாம் வெளிப்படையாகப் பாவங்களைச் செய்யும் போது, ​​பூமி நம்மை விழுங்க விரும்பாதா?

நாம் என்ன செய்து கொண்டிருந்தோம் என்று நம் தோல் நமக்கு எதிராக சாட்சியமளிக்கும் (பார்க்க 41:20)

எங்கள் காதுகள்.... அவள் ஹராம் கேட்க என்னைப் பயன்படுத்தினாள்

எங்கள் கண்கள்.....அவள் என்னை ஹராம் பார்க்க பயன்படுத்தினாள்

அவள் என்னை ஹராம் செய்ய பயன்படுத்தினாள்

அல்லாஹ் SWTக்கு கீழ்ப்படியாத போது இதை நினைவில் கொள்ளுங்கள்

-குர்ஆன் ஓதப்படும் போது அல்லது நீங்கள் ஒரு மதக் கூட்டத்தில், விரிவுரையாக இருந்தாலும் அல்லது மசூதியாக இருந்தாலும் சத்தம் போடாதீர்கள்.

-அல்லாஹ் SWT பற்றி பேசுவது சிறந்த பேச்சு, மக்களை அல்லாஹ்விடம் அழைப்பது

அல்லாஹ் SWT க்கு மக்களை அழைக்க உங்கள் திறமைகளைப் பயன்படுத்தவும். உங்கள் எழுதும் திறன், பேசும் திறன் போன்றவை.

"அல்லாஹ்வை அழைத்து நற்செயல்கள் செய்து "நிச்சயமாக நான் முஸ்லிம்களில் ஒருவன்" என்று கூறுபவரை விட பேச்சில் சிறந்தவர் யார்? (41:33)

நன்றாக பேசு

டீனில் உறுதியாக இருங்கள்

அல்லா சுவட்டிற்கு மக்களை அழைக்கவும்

நீதியான செயல்களைச் செய்

அறிவிப்பது: நீங்கள் ஒரு முஸ்லிம்

(வெளிநாடு செல்லும்போது உங்கள் பெயர், உடுத்துதல், உங்கள் வாழ்க்கை முறையை மாற்ற வேண்டாம்)

நல்ல செயல்களும் தீய செயல்களும் சமமானவை அல்ல

தீமையை நன்மையால் விரட்டுங்கள்

பகை/வெறுப்பு நெருங்கிய நட்பாக மாறும்

ஆனால் இது கடினமானது மற்றும் பொறுமை இல்லாமல் செய்ய முடியாது

பிரச்சனை எங்களிடம் உள்ளது, உங்கள் நாவையும் எண்ணங்களையும் கட்டுப்படுத்துங்கள்

பிறரைப் பற்றி நன்றாக சிந்தியுங்கள், நல்ல செயல்களைச் செய்யும் நேர்மையாளர்களுடன் இருங்கள், நல்லது செய்ய உங்களை ஊக்குவிக்கவும்

ஷைத்தான் உங்களை இதைச் செய்ய அனுமதிக்க மாட்டார்

திரும்பி வந்து உங்களிடம் கிசுகிசுப்பார்,

"அவளை எப்படி மன்னிக்க முடியும்?" "நீ எப்படி அவனிடம் நல்லவனாக இருக்க முடியும்?" "அவள் உன்னிடம் என்ன சொன்னாள் என்பது நினைவிருக்கிறதா?"

அவரது கிசுகிசுக்களுக்கு கவனம் செலுத்த வேண்டாம்

துஆ செய்யுங்கள்

அல்லாஹ்விடம் அடைக்கலம் தேடுங்கள்.

[god-whispers]

mar 21

only one breathe between here and there

"brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope." 1 thess 4:13

i am now reaching that age where i have many friends and family that are going from this world into the next; too many.  some i am sure know Jesus as savior. some i am sure do not.  some i am doubtful they know Him as savior and now i can no longer ask them if they do?  ask someone you love while it is still today.  and i would remind you, we are commanded to love our neighbor as our self.

the word says, "you do not know what will happen tomorrow.  for what is your life?  it is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." james 4:14 when i was young, i thought schooling would last forever; that i would never grow up.  the years since have rapidly vanished, even as a beginning breeze cannot prevail against tornadic winds when encountered.  it must move with it in ever increasing speed.  likewise, our years evaporate in the journey we all must take.

my good friend has several grown children, but that makes them no less her children still.  she carried them in her body, fed them, bounds up their wounds when needed, loved them and eventually released them to their own life as we all should.  released them to make their own choices and yes, mistakes.

one of her sons suddenly, unexpectedly took his last breath yesterday.  sadly, that day happened to fall only day after my friends birthday, marring it forever.  i cannot say for sure whether he knew Jesus as savior or not.  none of us can make that call but i do not think he did and, if not, his time to make that choice for God is now over.  eternity now lies ahead of him.

laying aside whether one believes there is a heaven and a hell, it will be an eternity with or without God.  the God you either chose to deny or never had time for - time to investigate whether these things be true or not.  scripture says, "since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse."  rom 1:20  all are without excuse.  we choose to believe what we choose to believe.  we ignore what we choose to ignore.

it has often been said, "none of us know how much time we have," and that's true.  our times are in His hands.  we all think we will have time for that last minute prayer but that probably won't not be the case.  the hurriedness of the situation often precludes it.  the death of my friend's son was sudden and dramatic.  ours may be as well.

please pray for my friend.  pray for her son's now widow and children left behind.  and please... please don't put off something so important for the tomorrow that may never be.  God is so good and loving and merciful.  "not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." 2 pet 3:9

"do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom." luke 12:32  yes, He wants to give us the kingdom.  He had you and me in mind when He created it.

oh the blessings and the goodness of God.  "it is like the dew of hermon, descending upon the mountains of zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing — life forevermore." psa 133:3  just don't wait too long to receive that blessing.

[nefelibata-aurora]

Infinince & You: A Study of My Heart

infinince: a question

in this universe, it’s just you and me;

loveliness: a thought

i think that you’re my 42;

galaxies: a curiosityq

if it’s all inside my mind, i’m glad i made up you;

-

then: a first

never one before you;

now: a finale

i wouldn’t trade us for the world;

this: a recollection

but i would trade the world for us;

-

serendipity: a meeting

the universe does not make mistakes;

introductions: a chance

maybe we could be something beautiful;

joy: a declaration

moments like these fall from heaven above;

friendship: a promise

always and forever, forever and always;

-

space: an interlude

years passed are never the same;

ether: an obsession

learning you will take a lifetime;

stars: a wonder

the universe is small, but your world is big;

-

opinions: a variance

i just don’t understand;

distance: a longing

the world feels empty without you by my side;

feelings: a discussion

it’s you and me, but what about us?

-

penance: a redemption

i miss you;

hands: an embrace

i will never leave you;

thankfulness: a friend

perhaps our meeting was a destiny;

-

dawn: a beginning

is it fear or longing to be the first, to be the best?

others: a change

let me stand with you- as equals- rivels- of the same spiteful god;

practice: an ultimatum

don’t bear this burden on your own;

-

perfection: a goal

impossible standards won’t help you chase your dreams;

indulgence: an act

a line stands between doing your best and working to obliteration;

cowardice: an observation

i’ve seen the you that you’ve tried to disguise;

masks: an excuse

i see through those crafted lies of yours;

-

loyalty: an exclamation

i care about you; why can’t you care about yourself too?

humility: a whisper

how do i go on when everything (everyone) pulls me back?

support: a caveat

i’ve got you;

-

frustration: a warning

don’t push yourself too far;

defiance: a taboo

i care not for the chains that hold me back;

habits: a destruction

don’t fight battles you know you can’t win;

-

passion: a release

you couldn’t have stopped me if you tried;

failure: a loss

you burned yourself out being everything for everyone else;

injury: a misbelief

i just want to be better;

nadir: a price

flying and falling seems to be your unending plight;

-

surrender: a solace

stay with me;

words: a condolence

i’m here;

comfort: a lie

stars are only born after their destruction;

-

help: a falsehood

it is not about what you deserve;

youth: a reminiscence

i wish we could go back to the way things used to be;

progress: a reward

let’s live minute by minute;

-

futures: a fortune

you’ll never know unless you try;

us: a possibility

in the subtleties of certain colors, i think i’ve found you;

-

fear: a catalyst

courage is doing things in spite of the risks;

pride: a confession

i thought that we could be different;

honesty: a truth

the version of me inside your head is not my responsibility;

-

weakness: a chance

i don’t see the lies you tell yourself at night;

communication: an understanding

i am not in a state that is capable of loving;

patience: a waiting

i will wait for you;

existence: a sin

love is not a victory march;

-

attention: an affliction

i wish i couldn’t see all the ways you hurt inside;

happiness: a bluff

maybe we exist to bleed, and maybe we were born to burn;

kindness: a tendency

i choose you;

innocence: a myth

everything was easy, back when we were young;

- 

despair: a trigger

why am i never enough?

fragility: an effect

i guess i’ll just have to love you enough for both of us;

aurora: a vulnerability

i’m tired of being perfect;

secrets: a reassurance

you already were;

-

reality: an unraveling

i miss the person i used to be;

introspection: a continuity

i wish you knew the you inside my mind;

silence: a mercy

not all quiet is filled with thoughts;

grace: a proposition

it’s okay to just observe the world and be;

-

normalcy: a definition

how do i become the best version of myself in this less-than-perfect world?

acceptance: a gift

you deserve the world, don’t accept anything less;

hope: an excitement

you were the best thing to ever happen to me;

love: an emotion

if only for you;

-

worship: a study

don’t you believe in anything anymore?

work: a distraction

you can’t numb the pain forever;

chaos: a familiar

halos are expected of angels, thank god i'm only human;

-

faith: a belief

you burn with the light of ten thousand suns;

crescendo: a change

we’ve all killed pieces of ourselves to survive;

midnight: a choice

if not now, when?

-

courage: a mistake

what i would give for a second chance;

calmness: an exchange

i thought that i was lonely, all alone inside my head;

pain: a reckoning

i wish i didn’t have to hurt to feel;

death: a fortitude

there is no turning back now;

serenity: a regret

the calm before the storm, the silence after the shot;

-

anxiety: an instinct

something’s not right;

gravity: an impulse

not here, not now;

desperation: a disbelief

please let me be wrong;

somnolence: a dream

please open your eyes;

-

knowledge: a shock

i only seek to understand;

bargains: a denial

everything is uglier in the morning light;

freedom: a cage

the hardest battles are given to the strongest soldiers;

-

insanity: a battle

not all of us can be winners;

hatred: a wish

if it were anybody but you;

anger: a revelation

blood is not beautiful; it’s just red;

-

praise: a testament

look at the world through my eyes;

stories: a eulogy

i don’t know where to begin;

closure: a legacy

i swear i would have loved you if i could;

-

faults: a reason

moments just weren’t moments anymore;

ends: a misinterpretation

i thought it was what i wanted, but i did not know how it could hurt;

validation: an uncertainty

we only romanticize all the things that will never be;

-

indefinince: a perspective

you are not a bad person for all the ways you tried to feel;

forgiveness: a concept

ships only pass in the night;

growth: an acknowledgement

you only really die when your name is said one final time;

-

life: a speculation

the universe has a tendency to fall towards chaos;

tears: an apology

how do we forgive ourselves for all the things we cannot be?

time: a healing

love is not a pastime but a privilege;

defeat: a theory

maybe we should let our love story die here;

-

stone: a consideration

i, the beginning; and you, the end;

roses: a conclusion

i lay my heart out here for you;

appreciation: an eternity

if i could trade my world for yours;

tomorrow: a light

i wish to live in a world;

-

worth: a measurement

radiance is subjective;

destiny: a dance

in another life, i saw the universe with you;

you: the answer

and we were infinite.