#friend/mentor/former teacher idk

[sarahtheflutist]

Ruth Dorothy Louisa ("Wid") Gipps MBE (20 February 1921 – 23 February 1999) was an English composer, oboist, pianist, conductor, and educator. She composed music in a wide range of genres, including five symphonies, seven concertos, and numerous chamber and choral works. She founded both the London Repertoire Orchestra and the Chanticleer Orchestra.

Stylistically, Gipps was a Romantic both in the musical sense and in her choice of extra-musical inspiration. Although her music is not typically pastoral from a programmatic perspective, Gipps was heavily indebted to the English pastoralist school of the early 20th century, particularly her erstwhile teacher Vaughan Williams, but other figures, including Arthur Bliss (to whom she dedicated the Fourth Symphony), her contemporary Malcolm Arnold, and George Weldon were also influential. Her conservative, tonal style placed her at odds with contemporary trends in music such as serialism, of which she was highly critical.

Seascape for 2 Flutes, Oboe, English Horn, 2 Clarinets, 2 Bassoons and 2 Horns, Op. 53 (1958)

[voidendron]

Modern AU Rambling

as I slowly start figuring everyone out for the AU, I'll add them to this/update their info! idk I just think it's a fun little AU <3

The gist: my SWTOR OCs in a modern/coffee shop AU-type setting. No war (though a few of them are discharged/retired vets), just something casual and domestic. not set in any particular city, but will be set in America so I don't have to research things and just keep this as a chill AU I can dabble in whenever in the mood

Xaerez: Alexander Zimman. Fine with Xander, doesn't like to be called Alex. Former sniper in the military, he has an unrecorded number of enemy officer kills. He was discharged due to injuries sustained on the field - injuries resulted in severe scarring to right side of face, loss of three fingers, hearing damage, and nerve damage in one leg that has him using a cane a lot of the time. Caused by the building he was perched in collapsing after it was bombed.

He comes from a rich and snobby military family; he moved out of country and cut contact with them. Without their support, he struggles for a while to keep a stable residence and job. Eventually finds a coffee shop that accepts him and he mostly works in the back. It's here that he meets the others.

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Terrin: Tera Cadera. Married to Torian Cadera, with two young kids - Axel and Anya. She's lived in the area most of her life and frequents a number of the places that the others work. She's the one who connects them all, knocking some sense into a few of them and getting others to join in with her dumbassery, depending on what's needed.

She's a bouncer at the bar near the coffee shop. And yes, she's both teased and jokes about her rhyming name. Likes to go to the coffee shop in her off-time, and it's normally her place where they all get together for backyard barbecues and parties. She's terrible at cooking, however, so either Torian does it, or they do a potluck-style thing and everyone brings a little something.

Tera's the first one to befriend Xander. She just kind of... drags him along behind her while he scowls like an angry cat, and eventually introduces him to Theron.

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Synnda: Sylas Vespa. Always had an interest in art, and by chance had the opportunity of an apprenticeship with a tattooist. On his mentor's passing, he found the shop passed to him in the will, and continues the practice. Keeps fresh flowers displayed in his shop.

He's tattooed head to toe with mostly flowers and somewhat religious imagery (angels and whatnot). Gentle giant, but has scars across his hand, face, and chest from armed thieves attempting to rob his shop to show that he's no pushover. He defended it and himself, sending them both to the hospital; his injuries were minor in comparison to theirs.

He lost an arm and leg in a crash as a teenager. Specializes in tattoos depicting nature, with a particularly strong point in flowers, but can do most anything.

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Qizulth: Kai Verona. Spent most of his life moving place-to-place; didn't have many connections growing up because of it, so did a lot of reading. Picked up an interest in history at an early age, and for years wanted to be a history teacher.

Instead, he ended up an archeologist, and is extremely fond of the job. He makes sure the people working with him on-site don't damage anything, that everything gets properly recorded, and gets excited with new discoveries. Especially loves uncovering ancient tombs. Has a really odd vendetta against the city's museum that no one can explain.

Most of his tattoos are from Sylas' shop. Has really pretty creeping vines across his top surgery scars that Sylas was more than happy to do for him. The two are close friends, and when Kai is in town the two are together often when Sylas doesn't have clients.

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Varrich: Vince Toft. Former Navy SEAL; was discharged due to severe injury from a bombing on the job that cost the lives of his squad. Injuries include: lost right arm (didn't want prosthetic), left eye (uses glass eye), scarring to face, chest and back, and spinal damage that's resulted in chronic pain once he healed from the injury itself.

Now, works in a greenhouse. Mostly tends to the plants, but can sometimes be found working the till if he's the only one around. Social recluse, but his sister drags him places when they both have time off so he at least has some interaction with other people who aren't customers and coworkers.

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Lina: Lina Toft. Trauma nurse. She gardens as a hobby, growing her own fruits and veggies, and was the one who helped Vince find his current job since that's a place she frequents when she needs new plants or fertilizers.

Likes to work out when not gardening or with her brother. Has yet to lose an arm wrestling competition at the local bar.

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Jen: Jensen Sept. Prefers Jen, don't even think about calling him Jensen. Delivery man, he ends up all over the state for his work but is always happy to get back home to his husband and kids. Everyone calls the man he's married to "Kitty," Jen and Kitty included - most don't know what his actual name is because the nickname has been used so much for so long. Has five kids, three of which are adopted, and loves them all dearly.

Can often be seen in the coffee shop or park with Kitty and the kids, or the bar with just Kitty. Very cheerful person; it's hard not to loosen up at least a little around him.

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Leo: Calliope Viteri. Prefers Leo most of the time. Pretty cheerful and gentle, also great with kids despite not wanting her own. The Cadera kids, Axel and Anya, consider Leo and her girlfriend the "cool aunts."

She's a baker at a small family-owned place just down the street, and for parties she often brings cupcakes and such.

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Azan: Azaria Tanzer. Role undecided, though may be a security guard someplace?

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Atten & Araa: Axel & Anya Cadera. Tera and Torian's kids, with Atten being just under a year older than Anya. They're closeness in age means they do pretty much everything together and they're best friends. Both pretty young, so still get into a lot of trouble. Axel tends to be the brains of their little operations, while Araa is the one who actually climbs the cupboards or breaks the child locks so they can get into things.

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Jessi, Jeva, Liakige, Riza, and Luci: Jessie, Joel, Liam, Rose, and Lucy Sept. Jen and Kitty's children, with Jessie, Joel, and Liam being adopted. They're a big family, but they're close - especially Joel and Rose, who do everything together. Jessie is a fair bit older than the rest of her siblings and has started college, but she visits home from the dorms across the city most weekends and holidays.

[spacepanda7]

I know a lot of AUs of AftG/TFC have been done in the Avatar universe, but has anyone done an Avatar: the Last Airbender AU?

Kevin, the Avatar has been missing for 100 years, before he is unwittingly discovered inside an iceberg by estranged waterbender twins Aaron and Andrew and their nonbending cousin Nicky who live in the Southern Water Tribe. (Aaron and Andrew do not give me waterbender vibes, but changing the nations didn't work that well, since either their trips would end up way shorter or the Air Nomads would be the world invaders. Which, no. Oh well, Aaron wants to heal people.) They find out he is the Avatar and reluctantly agree to accompany him to the Northern Water Tribe to learn waterbending. Along the way, they find out the exiled fire nation Prince Nathaniel is hunting the Avatar, in order to regain his honor. He is traveling alongside former General David Wymack, a taciturn man who nonetheless tries to guide and help his ward.

Along the way, they meet some interesting people and new friends including Roland, the leader of the Freedom Fighters, Dan, a young earthbender who Kevin helped break out of prison, and Erik, who leads the Kyoshi Warriors, and also encounter new enemies, including Commander Tetsuji of the Fire Nation. Once they get to the Northern Water Tribe, they meet the waterbending master Chuck. Initially, he wants to make Aaron go into warrior training instead of healing, as he wishes, due to the fact that male waterbenders are drafted to fight. But after a beatdown from Aaron, the Healing master Abby, and the fighting master Betsy (women fight here, they have an option but men have to) he agrees to let Aaron train as a healer. Andrew learns how to fight alongside Avatar Kevin. The Fire Nation invades, Kevin is briefly captured by Prince Nathaniel who Andrew defeats in a few seconds flat, and Commander Tetsuji tries to kill the Moon and is dragged into the Spirit World. Goodbye and good riddance to him.

So, next stop is the Earth Kingdom, where they look for an earthbending master. Eventually they find Katelyn, a young earthbending prodigy who was blinded in an accident as a child, and is therefore overly sheltered by her parents and sneaks out to fight in the Earth Rumbles. She travels with them to teach Kevin earthbending, and despite her disagreements with Kevin and Andrew (Aaron is immediately rather taken with her), she becomes a part of their group. They find out they have a new pursuer, the Crown Prince Riko of the Fire Nation and his two close nonbending friends, Jeremy, a cheerful chi blocker, and Jean, an apathetic swordsman (Knives will be Neil's thing). Meanwhile, Nathaniel and Wymack end up pursued by Riko as traitors, and are forced to go incognito in the Earth Kingdom, taking on the names Kyle (idk, in honor of Kayleigh, okay?) and Neil Josten.

Their paths cross in Ba Sing Se when they meet the conniving leader of the Dai Li, Proust. They tangle with the Dai Li and the incognito Prince Riko who is disguised as Erik, who recently rekindled a romance with Nicky on their way across the Serpent's Pass and was captured shortly after. After Nathaniel and Andrew are captured and thrown into the catacombs together, they talk, during which time Nathaniel expresses remorse for the suffering and personal trauma the Fire Nation inflicted on Andrew. He in turn, reveals that he is only after Kevin due to fear of what his father, Firelord Nathan, would inflict upon both him and Kevin's group if he doesn't obey, saying that while he is attemoting to capture Kevin to prove himself worth keeping alive, he is also trying to keep Kevin and the team out of his father's hands. Andrew tells him to "stop being a martyr". However, after they are freed and encounter Riko and Wymack in the catacombs, Nathaniel appears to change his mind and joins Riko in fighting Andrew, Kevin, and Aaron. Wymack surrenders himself in order to let the others escape. Riko mangles Kevin's left hand and almost kills him but Aaron manages to heal him and Andrew promises to protect him.

The Monsters regroup incognito in the Fire Nation to wait for the Day of Black Sun invasion. The invasion day arrives and everything seems to be going as planned until Kevin, Aaron, Nicky, and Katelyn encounter Riko in the throne room instead of Nathan. Nathaniel confronts his father and escapes to join the Monsters and most of their allies end up captured, though their old Freedom Fighting friends Matt and Allison and the earthbender Dan escape with them. They arrive at the Western Air Temple to recuperate and attempt to think of a new Firebending teacher for Kevin. Nathaniel, who now goes full time as Neil Josten, arrives and offers to help. He is immediately scorned by Kevin and mocked by Aaron and Andrew. However, when the assassin Gorilla (sent by Riko) arrives to kill the Monsters, Neil saves them and they reluctantly accept him. He warms up to the group members one by one, helping Nicky break Erik out of the Boiling Rock and helping Aaron hunt down and kill his brother's former tormentor Drake. While at the Boiling Rock, Jean makes a split second decision to save Neil, who he used to be close friends with, and Jeremy jumps in to help, resulting in their capture. After their "field trips", Neil tentatively earns Andrew's intrigue and Aaron's reluctant acceptance.

The comet arrives and Kevin goes missing. The rest of the monsters find their old mentors including Betsy and Abby, and Neil discovers Wymack as well. They reconcile and he advises them about what to do next. As the comet approaches, Aaron, Katelyn, Nicky, and Erik travel to the airship base to hopefully meet up with Kevin as he confronts Firelord Nathan. Neil and Andrew travel to the Fire Nation to confront Riko. After an extended, tough battle, when all hope seems gone, Kevin manages to hit Nathan, momentarily incapacitating him enough to kill him. Riko challenges Neil to an Agni Kai which he accepts. He is winning until Riko aims lightning at Andrew instead and Neil dives in front of him. Andrew fights Riko and manages to chain him and smash his arm. As a result, he has a psychotic break and kills himself. Andrew heals Neil and yells at him for making himself a martyr. Neil says that he wouldn't have done anything that might result in losing Andrew. He so explains that if he had turned on Riko in the catacombs, he would have been exposed, and his father would have stopped at nothing to break him, including torturing the Monsters. Andrew appears to accept the explanation.

And we know the rest: Kevin is crowned Firelord, and he, Jean and Jeremy, figure out where to go from there. Aaron travels home with Katelyn, Andrew stays to protect Kevin, and Neil stays with him, and Nicky and Erik leave to travel the world. Dan and Matt, and Allison and Renee get together and return home as well. And they live, not happily ever after, but something approaching it.

P.S. a few years later, Kevin goes on a search for his mother Kayleigh.

[a-hobit]

One question, in this au, did Dk gave OFA to someone? Maybe Mirio, who got there first and Bkg later (reason why dk got impaled)

Idk how well would bkg copes in this AU, he has no closure and lost Izuku in the worst way possible. Would he even want to move out of thar spot? React to Shigaraki, damn this is sad

Lovely art as always❤🥺😭❤

@haruwashere29 Fuck I am so bad at remembering to answer asks!! Ok so this is about the fanart of a dying izuku in katsuki’s arms. To answer your question OFA dies with Izuku in this AU. I know it’s super sad but remember how OFA is only stable with a quirk less person? Deku knows that later in the manga but I feel as though even if he tried to pass on OFA it would refuse — not only to protect Katsuki but also because Katsuki without izuku is the only one left who can rally the troops — OFA if passed on might kill him too quickly to do that.

So I’ve got two answers for the 2nd question. First he never does get over his failure and often visits the war cite where Deku died. They never are able to defeat AFO and shiggy is lost to him. AFO goes into hiding until after Katuski’s death. As a hero Kacchan refuses to take on a mentor position with any sidekicks and never speaks about himself well. He refuses any patrol partners as well. He’s a shell of his former self and is mostly quiet even after becoming the #1 hero. During his speech he rejects the title and leaves. The metal he received is laid on Deku’s grave. He looks for AFO for the rest of his life but in his 50s while doing hero work is impaled under a building and passes away before AFO can see justice. He dies alone. Bad Ending.

Second Kacchan fights against AFO, killing him and shiggy, after having been stripped of his quirk by AFO. He is no longer able to do hero work. Heartbroken he goes back to live with his parents and is given an award by the hero commission and rejects it. He lays the metal on Deku’s grave. Eventually he is forced by eraser to take care of Eri and finds meaning in his life again by working with her. He becomes a teacher and often will see Deku around corners at UA where he works. Eventually in his 40s he is killed by Toga. He dies with his friends by his side and is given a hero’s funeral. He peacefully is guided by Deku into the light. Good ending.

I am so sorry that is so depressing. 😭🥲 but thank you for the ask and I’m glad you liked the art!

[sirnnsongs]

( anya taylor joy, twenty-three, she/her ) spotted ! lorelei gunther, on the steps of the met. who’d have seen that coming? what with being a music phd student and all, i’m surprised they’ve found the time. they’ve always been quite disconnected and impulsive, so i’m sure trouble will follow in their wake. then again, i’ve been told they can be perceptive and original. either way, i’ll be watching. - xoxo, gossip girl. ( alys, 23, est, she/her )

what’s up??? i’m alys (or ally if you prefer!) and it’s been a hot minute since i’ve done a tumblr rp. been dying for a good gg-style rp and then i found this yesterday and went .... well no time like the present ! so i decided to resurrect a muse i haven’t played in a while; this is lorelei aka lorrie, spoiled rich kid, quiet weirdo, big lily from pitch perfect energy. grew up on the upper east side, left for vienna, and is back doing her doctorate in music composition bc she has no clue what she wants to do with her life. like this for a plotting message !!

statistics. 

full name. lorelei amelia “lorrie” gunther.  age. twenty-three.  date of birth. february 24, 1998. place of birth. new york, ny.  gender & pronouns. cis woman & she/her. orientation. bisexual/queer.  occupation. phd candidate at columbia university.  education. bachelor of composition and music theory from the university of music and performing arts vienna. 

height. five foot eight. build. willowy.  hair. naturally blonde, typically dyed grey-blue.  eye color. brown. distinguishing features. unexpressive features, wide eyes, 

zodiac. pisces sun, aquarius moon & rising.  mbti. intp, the logistician.  enneagram. type five, the investigator. alignment. chaotic neutral. 

father. frederick gunther : b. 1959, film composer (think hans zimmer).  mother. caroline claymoore : b. 1962, art curator. sibling(s). phillip gunther : b. 1994, cellist & music instructor.  other relatives. her oma, franziska gunther, music teacher & composer. 1934-2016. her opa, stefan gunther, music theory professor. 1932-1985.

past. (tw: death)

quick gunther family history: franziska and stefan immigrated to the u.s. from austria in 1955 so stefan could take a job at julliard as a professor. they’ve been in the upper east side since the 1960s. frederick is the first-born son, married connecticut-born caroline in 1994, while she was pregnant with phillip. they divorced in 1997, while caroline was pregnant with lorelei.  

when lorrie was three, her mom moved to paris. when she was four, her dad moved to los angeles. so, he decided to leave the kids with his mother, lorrie’s oma, franziska. 

whereas her brother was kept busy by extra tutoring and music lessons, at his father’s strict request, lorrie was raised largely by her oma, who, at this point, was an eccentric upper east sider. think adelaide bonfamille from the aristocats. 

a lonely, socially awkward kid, considered a musical prodigy just like her brother and her father. i’m keeping most of her childhood and adolescence pretty open and loose for plotting purposes but she was definitely quieter and weirder, not particularly social. also def went through a phase in high school where she like cut all her hair off and went really alt bc that’s the vibe. 

her brother attended juilliard, like their father intended. lorrie intended to, too, but then in the spring before graduation, her oma died. not unexpectedly, but suddenly. 

basically, lorrie had a minor meltdown, took a gap year, and ran off to vienna, which was where her grandmother was from, and a place she always recalled fondly. 

and now that her brother has left juilliard and is currently teaching music at a private school in massachusetts, she’s returned to do a doctorate in music composition at columbia. she’s missed new york dearly. 

present. 

*insert jughead weirdo speech here*

back in high school went through the quiet girl to alt girl pipeline. one day she’s wearing burberry and shiny loafers, the next she’s chopped all her hair off and dressed like she just inherited a hot topic franchise. 

basically big “i’ve been clinically depressed since i was nine years old” energy. 

kind of directionless in life. yk the vibe of like she didn’t expect to make it this far. 

pretty quiet just by nature, kind of lives inside her own head. finds herself falling back into high school patterns now that she’s returned. 

has never learned how to process her own emotions. she’s an aquarius moon raised by a gemini, so. 

had a problem where she did reckless shit to feel alive. started with going to vienna, and then this pattern continued to get worse in europe. now that she’s back, though, she’s trying to... stay here and not just run away when things start to suck. 

after this is just fun facts: 

stoner on the dl. and by dl i mean everyone knows it but she has the decency to smoke in private. she's done other drugs, too, but she's... trying to cut back. 

that lactose intolerant bitch who pretends she’s not that lactose intolerant but. she seriously is. 

can speak six different languages, play nearly twenty different instruments, but can't cook, drive, budget, or live any kind of healthy lifestyle. 

wanted connections. 

childhood best friend. that she... ghosted when she went to vienna. whoops. probably some beef there.

partner in crime. probably underestimated her propensity for chaos at one point, but not anymore. 

high school bully. def a bullying victim at some point. things between them are weird now. 

idk man she’s got a lot of flexibility and i’d love a lot of different connections for her. professional relationships (like a mentor or mentee thing?), flings/one night stands, new friends, almost-dated, former students of her oma's, etc. 

[rendezvous-ramblings]

Is it weird to be close to your teachers? (Not just a tc but teachers in general). My friends always make fun of the fact that I talk to former teachers in between classes or keep in contact with them but I don't think it's that weird. I've always gotten along better with adults than people my age and like... teachers are people too? Idk I don't see an issue because boundaries aren't being crossed but now I'm insecure about it lol.

Hi,

I honestly don’t find anything wrong as long as there’s no boundaries being crossed like you said. The friendship isn’t at a 100% equal level due to the age gap and authority the teacher has over you (even former) so long as you are still a student at the school. Even post-graduation there’s an adjustment period if you choose to remain friends and in contact. Especially if they are open towards getting a coffee here and there or something.

Your friend just might find it weird because most students don’t really want to befriend the teacher past the mentor role. Some don’t want anything to do with them after the class is over 😂 Completely understandable and they might find it odd since they’d expect you to have more similar interests/shared activities with your peer group. Especially as a teen they tend to hit a rebellious phase or the phase where they feel like they know best so “adults” aren’t really who they’d want to consult or befriend.

Teachers are definitely people too. I think it’s easy for teens to disassociate when they don’t make an effort to get to know them outside of the classroom/professional setting. I wouldn’t worry too much about it!

My friends thought it was weird when I was spending so much time after school getting to know and hanging out with E. They once tried dragging me to hang out with them instead if that makes you feel any better 😅

[skimmilk11]

:0 angsty back story for kaiji,, could we see?

oof so

manga spoilers I guess??

I was thinking about how Kajii could have ever gotten into a situation where he was exposed to a bomb as a civilian, much less a lemon-shaped one? Yes, it’s possible that he was exposed to one after he became a member of the Port Mafia, but it would be strange for the Port Mafia to take in someone who, as far as they know, doesn’t have an ability, especially with Kajii’s, uh, eccentricities. The Port Mafia, as Mori has stressed multiple times, is, first and foremost a gifted organization. Almost every position of power in the mafia is occupied by ability users, save Gin and Tachihara(;)), who more than make up for it with great skill at their weapons. The only non-ability users are the grunts, and I doubt Kajii could ever be a good and obedient henchman.

Kajii, while talking to Yosano, describes death as something to admire and study, as the apex of science. We see two other characters in Bungou Stray Dogs who are obsessed with death- Dazai, whose mental health is the ditch and witnessed the death of one of the only few people he cared out, and Fyodor, whose ability revolves around death and probably affected his life greatly. But why is Kajii, who could probably lived the rest of his life as a normal civilian, obsessed with death? Besides, he’s an physicist- not even a doctor like Mori, and you don’t see Mori ranting about death. Idk, but to me, Kajii wanting to dissect what he sees as the ‘apex of science’ almost seems like a coping mechanism. This led me to believe that, as a child, he experienced death firsthand in traumatic incident in which he discovered his ability, before he joined the Port Mafia, which also hurt his mental health. Kajii’s ability really has astounding potential for survivor’s guilt. In his talk with Yosano, he also questions why death is, ultimately, completely unavoidable, asking why everyone has to eventually die- very sus. Why is lemon boy, who is, on all counts, presented as a simple-minded unhinged manchild, so fixated on the irreversibility of death? 

Also, why is Kajii so loud, playful, immature, and theatrical? It’s not something you’d expect from a mafia member almost thirty years old. Something- some trauma, coping mechanism, etc may have hurt his mature. Or, I mean, it could just be that he’s really self-confident like Ranpo.

Okay, so the actual headcanons! Misfortune seems to dog all ability users, so Kajii is no exception. (; (Do we know a single parent of an ability user who’s still alive?)

Kajii was raised by a single father, who worked at a factory! They had a close relationship, and his father inculcated his love of science, who, in turn, loves science because of his mother, who was a science teacher. She died when Kajii was two when a bus blew up. Kajii’s grandfather, on the other hand, was a baker, who specialized in lemon tart! They do a lot of science experiments together! His grandpa’s friend is also a scientist, and shows him around the college lab where he studies. Kajii’s grandfather died of leukemia when Kajii was six, but taught him how to make a semi-decent lemon tart before. His grandfather’s friend drifts away. 

 So, all Kajii had now was his father. At age nine, in a Leo Valdez-esque tragedy, he was helping out his father finish things up in the factory. He was in the office, his dad in another room for one last check when a machine blows up due to a mechanical failure.

Kajii is far enough to survive, but his dad dies. Injured, he runs away, and when he finds out the police are looking for him, he immediately thinks they think he was the one who set off the explosion and is scared farther into hiding.

Instead of joining a gang of some sort, he ends up sort of stealing food(mostly lemons) from an old physics professor, and keeping off boredom by reading his books. He notices and invites him in. Kajii refuses and runs away, afraid that it’s a trap.

Then, what do you know?? He finds a lab belonging to the Port Mafia, and in all his love for science, breaks in and snoops. Kajii is caught, and, like Tachihara, is forced to join the Port Mafia. But he’s not too mad. He has a home, and some friends. Life is good.

But the Port Mafia is, obviously, not a good environment for a preteen to grow up in. He’s forced to kill people. It disturbs him, and he disassociates, making the deaths as flamboyant as possible. He chafes against authority and severely reprimanded for his carefree ways, but it’s still not too bad. He’s sometimes allowed to experiment in the science labs, after his affinity for it is discovered.

Then, Kajii is eleven when the Lime Bomber shows up. The Lime Bomber is from a rival underground organization who wants to take revenge against the hawkish Port Mafia leader(remember, this is before Mori) while he’s rumored to have become sick. The Lime Bomber makes a mockery of death, and his bombs are lime-shaped.

Kajii and his friends are ambushed, and they all die. Kajii still hasn’t connected his survival with an ability, and is wracked with grief. Why did he survive? Why didn’t the others? Can he trade their lives for his?

The people he’s relied on as his foundation for the past four years are dead, and he’s expected to continue on as if everything is normal. His mental health and trust in authority plunges. He’s distracted. He’s petty and spiteful and takes comfort in the things he can. At this point, Kajii is trusted to oversee and help out the mafia’s arms dealers. One of the workers is kind to him and lets him help. Kajii makes the outer casing of the bombs lemon-shaped as a ‘fuck you’ to Lime Bomber. She gets angry at him- he ‘messed them up’.

At the same time, he’s getting sloppy. He accidentally sets off a small bomb. He ends up with a broken leg, which takes months to heal. The leaders of his division in the Port Mafia notice, his former mentors who he used to respect and trust, commit the ultimate the ultimate betrayal- they decide he’s a liability and to let him die. He’s not too useful anyway- a twelve year old without an ability. His death will be useful, though- he’ll blow both himself and the enemy up.

Like, what Fyodor did.

Kajii realizes this is a suicide mission, but he’s simultaneously too angry and too empty to care. He’s equipped with the bombs he made himself and is sent to the front lines.

One of his friends who survived because she wasn’t at the incident comes to save him, even after he pushed her away, but it’s too late.

He sees Lime Bomber and is so angry he starts crying, and as the bombs explode around him, he’s still crying, and kills everyone around him, including his friend. It finally clicks for the higher-ups- Kajii has an ability. Kajii, meanwhile, breaks. He wants the innocence of his childhood and the childish wonder of science back. 

He can’t.

He’s promoted, studies science more extensively. He takes the name of the late Lime Bomber, who he hates so much. His personality breaks and reforms. He’s obsessed with death now, and how he seems to be able to avoid it- as long as they’re citrus-shaped bombs. He sometimes accidentally kills other Port Mafia members when experimenting with his ability, but who cares? There’s nowhere he can go now. Where would go? His friends fade from memory and now he’s stuck. His identity revolves around his ability now. What else is there? Was there anything there to begin with?

He doesn’t remember how to make his grandpa’s lemon tart anymore.

Oof this is stupid and really ooc but take it. I wrote this when I was really tired. I’ll probably delete this later lol. Pleas tell if this romanticizes mental illness in any way, which wasn’t my intention. I’m too tired to check. 

[wolfcrunch]

If we get a deku centric mini cool down arc after this - I kinda hope it involves liek Shinsou in some way, given it was his mentor who got injured. Maybe deku doesnt want to be with classmates right now either and the jsut pass each other by happenstances. idk, have to think on naruto when his mentor died and ahnohter former classmate he actulyl wasn't that close to kinda helped him as he lost his mentor too. Be neat having this happen here too.

it should be more than a mini arc. 100+ chapters of undivided izuku attention. its what deku deserves after all this mindless slander

but if horikoshi were to bring shinsou in and have a proper friendship start to build between the two, that’d be cool!! it’d give shinsou a little time to develop too, and seeing as aizawa was injured, they can both bond and be Friends over worrying about their teacher. also izuku needs more friends. give him more friends. let shinsou be absorbed into deku’s friend group.

[wutroows]

past (anakin skywalker x reader)

pairing: anakin x padawan!reader (friendly) request: ahhh can you do anything with Anakin like idk maybe being his padawan and nothing romantic but they’re just close and its fun and idk maybe they get hurt maybe it’s just fluff up to you!! requested by: @alligatorgang a/n: this has taken me so long to write, i’ve been kinda busy recently and i’ve actually been getting some requests (thank you, btw)! sorry this took me so long, but i hope you enjoy it anyways! i kinda changed the request only a little bit (??) anakin seems like more of a mentor and a fatherly-esc figure to reader, i hope that’s still okay but if not just send another ask and i can rewrite for you !

you were 1000% sure that out of everyone who would pick you to be their padawan, it wouldn’t be anakin skywalker. 

of course, the world was full of surprises. you were positive that your master would’ve been someone else, anakin seemingly came out of the blue when it came to choosing you, appearing out of no where after your tests, expressing interests in you and your skills. 

you weren’t going to complain though, anakin was kind, and he was good at what he did. he was a better teacher than his master thought he would be, obi-wan, you remembered. he was just as nice as anakin, it wasn’t surprising when you’d found out who his master was. obi-wan’s personality showed in anakin, even if it wasn’t to a huge extent.

you’d woken up early that morning, ready for your training with master skywalker as you usually went through every day. 

today wasn’t supposed to be different, at all. but anakin had something else planned for you instead of making you train for all seven days of the week as he usually did. you deserved a break. you’d been learning a lot faster than he was with obi-wan at your age (not that obi-wan was a bad master or anything). 

you made your way to your usual training place, a small room off the end of a secluded hallway. obi-wan had trained anakin here, it was a good place for him filled with only good memories. 

anakin was there before you, as he usually was. his hands were held loosely at his sides, dropping his ‘master’ persona as you strolled into the room.

“master anakin! good morning!” you chirped, happy to see him. you’d seen him the previous night at dinner, but you always enjoyed spending time with him. he’d felt like more than just your master. he felt like a friend, someone you could confide in and tell everything to. you didn’t know if he wanted you to feel like that or if you were just misreading your relationship, but you preferred the former, not the latter. 

“hello, y/n.” anakin smiled back, quickly pulling you into his side, turning and walking out the door you just came in. “wait, master, i thought we were training today-?” you asked, tilting your head up to look at him, eyebrow raised. “not today, you deserve a day off.” 

“so then- what are we doing?” 

“just follow me.”

anakin lead you through a couple of hallways, making turns as if he’d been through them his entire life (which he basically had been, but thoughts like those tend to slip your mind sometimes). he came to a stop at the end of a long hallway, opening the door. 

inside was.. his quarters? 

“master, this is a little..”

“inappropriate? no, no it shouldn’t be” he stifled a laugh at the look on your face, your brain automatically thinking something else. “you know i’m married, y/n” 

“right. yes, sorry master.” you mumbled, embarrased. anakin rolled his eyes and led you into his room. you stood in the middle of it, looking around. “why did you bring me here, master?” your tone was inquisitive, curious. “i wanted to show you a couple of things.”

he opened another door to the left of the room, pulling out a small box with a hum escaping his lips. he sat on the edge of his bed. “well come on,” he spoke after a couple long moments of you standing at the end of his bed, fingers awkwardly messing with each other. “we don’t have all day, do we?”

as you sat, he opened the box. inside, a small picture of a boy, about your age. the picture was old, but not old enough to be more than 10 years ago. the boy’s eyes were bright, and his smile wide. he looked across the picture fondly. he handed it to you, “that’s me.” he told you, a small laugh coming from him. “the padawan braid was a little unfriendly to me, as you can see.” he pointed out the braid extending from the back of his head, coming to rest on his shoulder. 

“i see so much of me in you, y/n.” 

you tore your gaze off of the picture of your master in front of you, looking straight into his eyes. “you’re determined, intelligent, and kind. you would do anything to make sure this galaxy is safe and for that, i really admire you.” 

you looked back down at the picture and for a moment, you’d forgotten he’d been through the same things you’d been going through as a padawan. he had trained, built his own lightsaber. he had his own master and his own past. he had been battered and bruised and yet here he stood. 

and out of everyone he could’ve chosen to be his apprentice he’d chosen you. 

you smiled. “thank you, master. that means a lot coming from you.” 

“alright, enough sappiness.”

he was definitely back to normal now. 

[joachimnapoleon]

How the (Quarantined) Murats broke the Internet (and Lannes). [Part 2/2]

Hello all! Here is the second half of my and @histoireettralala‘s AU on our Trifecta in Quarantine.  (Part 1 can be found here.) ^_^

***

Caroline groggily plops into her desk chair, yawning in between sips of her morning coffee as she waits for her laptop to start up. She smiles at the sound of the sewing machine running from across the hall; Joachim is already hard at work making a new batch of masks for their friends and family. He has become quite determined, he informed her this morning, to make as many as he can, now that he's discovered he has such a talent for it.

She is secretly relieved that he has developed such a liking for this new hobby. Joachim has been delighted to be able to spend so much more time with the kids since the office temporarily closed, but at the same time... she knew her husband well enough by now to sense his restlessness. Joachim has always been bursting with energy and a perpetual need to be doing Something Important--not unlike Napoleon himself. Sitting at home for days on end, feeling useless, was simply unbearable for him.

Now, he has a purpose again, and she can already see the effect it is having on her husband, the added spark in his eye, the renewed spring in his step. And, she thinks, I've gotten an adorable new video out of it to add to my collection.

Caroline takes another sip of coffee as her YouTube page loads.

She nearly chokes on the hot liquid in her surprise.

Since she went to bed last night, her video of Joachim sewing with Letitia has accumulated... 12,184 views. There are hundreds of new comments and subscribers.

Caroline blinks. She figured Paulette and Josephine would be able to give it a nice boost, but... wow.

She refreshes the page.

12,192.

She refreshes it again.

12,203.

She decides to take a look at some of the top-rated comments.

@napoleon, 12:03: Well this was most... unexpected. So, when can I expect my masks?

@j.poniatowski, 1:05: MY DUDE

@ney, 12:17: very sweet, and kudos on not hurting yourself yet joachim

@bakingsoult, 3:27: maybe we can make a deal, fresh cookies of your choice for masks? PM me

@elisa.bacchiochi, 2:08: CAROLINE WE ALL NEED MORE OF THIS PLZ

@augereau, 4:02: My dear Murat, I think we could do a very lucrative business together; give me a call if you're interested.

@jeanlannes, 12:54: O___O

The majority of the comments, though, are from total strangers, many of whom have felt compelled to comment on the physical beauty of Caroline's husband. It would take far too long to go through them all and filter out the ones that go a little too far, especially as new comments are constantly being added to the thread. She sighs. At least most of them seem to be wholesome enough. And, anyway, it isn't like Caroline isn't used to this by now.

After finishing her coffee and refreshing the page one more time--the video is now up to slightly over 14,000 views--Caroline grabs her camera.

She has an audience to please.

***

[Three days later]

Lannes is not happy.

Aside from being bored to death right now as a result of so many days pent up inside, the masks he ordered from Amazon still haven't arrived, and wearing them is now required in order to go anywhere. The family's groceries are running low (except for their toilet paper; Lannes had made sure to buy twelve 24-packs of that once this whole thing had started, a foresight of which he was extremely proud). How is he supposed to go grocery shopping now without the requisite mask?

To make matters worse, Murat had entirely abandoned him for the past couple nights. Lannes is deeply wounded by this. How could his best friend just up and forget about two straight Skype cocktail hours? Especially when he knew perfectly well that they were the only thing keeping Lannes sane at this point? Even a flurry of furious text messages had failed to impress upon Murat the gravity of his neglectfulness.

Ten minutes later, a "sorry lol" was the verbatim response Lannes had received, followed shortly after by a "super busy" and then a "maybe this weekend idk". Murat had not even had the decency to reply to Lannes' ensuing "WTF".

If I don't get out of this house soon, I'm going to lose my mind, Lannes thinks.

He grabs his cellphone and dials the one man capable of helping him in this crisis.

"What in God's name is it today, Lannes?" a weary Larrey asks after the seventh ring.

"Doc!!! Do you have any spare masks?"

"I've already told you three times I don't!"

"How can you still not have any though? YOU'RE A DOCTOR!!!"

"That's correct; I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker. The mask demand has far outpaced the supply right now. Have you tried asking Murat?"

Lannes blinks, uncomprehending. "Ask... Murat...?"

"Yeah, I've gotta give it to him, he's been making some excellent quality masks!" Larrey exclaims. "I'm actually wearing one right now."

Lannes doesn't know how to even begin to process this statement. His arm holding the phone goes slack; the phone drops from a limp hand to the carpeted floor.

Everything Lannes knows is wrong.

Well, except one thing: he needs alcohol.

A lot of alcohol.

Now.

He heads towards the kitchen.

"Lannes?" the voice of Larrey calls through the abandoned phone. "Are you still there?? Lannes???"

***

Ney stares at himself in the mirror, studying his new mask. Murat had delivered it to him personally earlier this morning, along with a set of masks for Aglaé and all their children.

"Letitia picked the fabric for your mask personally," Murat had said with a wink.

"Well, I hope you'll give her my thanks. Tell her she has very good taste."

A giant image of the perpetually scowling Grumpy Cat covers Ney's mask.

Aglaé appears behind him in the mirror. Appraising her mask-clad husband for a moment, she nods approvingly.

"It suits you perfectly, my love."

Her husband's mouth might be covered by the mask, but Aglaé isn't fooled. His smile is betrayed by his eyes.

***

[Three weeks later]

Fifty-thousand subscribers.

And Caroline is only just getting started. A prominent blog had e-mailed her this morning about doing an article on Joachim's mask-making venture. Shortly afterwards, a local news channel had called to inquire about conducting a Skype interview with Joachim (and would it be possible for little Letitia to be present too?). Joachim had been reluctant to leave his work--there were still so many masks he needed to make!!--but Caroline had convinced him it would be for the Greater Good.

At Pauline's suggestion, she had monetized the YouTube channel yesterday morning.

Joachim enters Caroline's office, carrying Louise in his arms. Caroline greets them warmly.

"Did Napoleon like his new mask?" Joachim asks.

The last video Caroline had uploaded had been of Joachim and Letitia making Napoleon's mask, complete with her brother's signature "N" ornately embroidered by Joachim himself. His skills were progressing at a surreal pace. Imagining the look on Madame Campan's face at the sight of Joachim's meticulous sewing and craftsmanship, Caroline makes a mental note to forward the video link to her former mentor. See?! Caroline imagines herself screaming triumphantly at the haughty old woman. I was right about him all along!!!

"Napoleon said, and I quote: 'Tell him it's really not bad at all.'" She gives him a knowing smile.

Joachim beams. He's fluent enough in Napoleonese to know that this is high praise indeed.

***

[One month later]

Two-hundred-fifty-thousand subscribers.

Caroline's latest video--Joachim teaching Lannes to use the sewing machine--is shaping up to be their biggest hit yet. (She'd had to implore the two to keep their language as clean as possible; this is a family-friendly blog and besides that, it simply wouldn't do to put the ad revenue at risk). Her viewers couldn't get enough of Letitia and Louise laughing in the background at the struggles of their grumbling Uncle Jean to figure out "this demonic device" (as he called it). But Joachim was a patient teacher, and eventually Lannes had succeeded at making his very first mask. The video culminated triumphantly with him holding the mask aloft towards the camera like a hard-won battle trophy, as Letitia and Louise cheered and Joachim glowed with pride.

Now, Joachim is beginning to experiment with increasingly ornate embroideries and higher quality materials.

"Just because it's for a pandemic," he insists, "doesn't mean it can't be fashion."

***

[Three months later]

One million subscribers.

"Vogue?" Pauline's tone is one of total disbelief.

"Vogue," Caroline affirms.

"THE Vogue?" Elisa presses.

"Yes."

"And he's going to be... on the cover?"

"Yes."

"On the cover of Vogue."

"Yes."

"THE Vogue."

"Yes."

***

[One year later]

Five million subscribers.

Caroline parks her new cobalt blue Maserati, grabs her Louis Vuitton handbag off the seat, and heads into the house.

Joachim is in his design room, hard at work as always. He greets her with a kiss.

"How's it coming?" she asks.

"Pretty good, I think. Maybe another week or so and everything will be wrapped up."

After months of hitting the runways and photo studios of some of the most famous designers in America and Europe in the aftermath of the pandemic, Joachim has decided to pursue his long-cherished dream of putting out his very own clothing line--for both adults and children. So far, their videos of Achille, Letitia, Lucien, and Louise parading around and posing in their dazzling new haute couture outfits were proving to be immensely popular.

They have been floating the idea of live-streaming a fashion show to launch the new line; the participants would be their friends and family. So far, Lannes, Jerôme, Pauline, Elisa, Eugène, Lasalle, Bessières, and Poniatowski have all volunteered. Lannes' runway walk needs serious, serious work, but there's still plenty of time.

Of course, the children all want to participate in the show too, and how can Joachim possibly say no?

***

[Six months later]

Napoleon hates shopping. Primarily because Josephine always spends obscene amounts of money--really, if anybody ever found out just how many pairs of gloves she has--he lets out a sigh. It isn't just about the money though. Shopping for clothes is always such a hassle. Napoleon is a simple man with simple tastes. No frills, no feathers, no silly ornamentation--unlike some people. He just wants something nice and comfortable. Something breathable. Something that doesn't cut off the circulation in his arms or legs.

So of course, he has to live in the age of... skinny jeans. A crime against God and man. If he was in charge, he'd criminalize the horrid things. Of course, his ludicrous brother-in-law doesn't mind them. Murat is always delighted to have an excuse to show off those perfectly chiseled thighs of his.

"Napoleon! Come over here!!" Josephine calls. "I've found something you might like!"

I highly doubt it. He sighs again, but proceeds in the direction of her voice.

***

[The following afternoon]

Napoleon and Josephine arrive at the Murats' monthly garden party. Caroline has been renovating the place obsessively for the past few months; the spacious property now has a massive heated outdoor pool and vast gardens full of exotic plants and flowers. To the house itself, has been added a large marble terrace.

All this because she didn't want to learn how to sew, Napoleon marvels. He wonders how Madame Campan is processing it all.

Joachim and Caroline see the newly-arrived couple and hurry over to greet them.

Joachim's greeting cuts off in mid-sentence. His eyes are locked onto Napoleon's shirt.

"You're... wearing..."

"Yes. You know, it's really not bad at all, Joachim. You should make more like this." He gives Joachim's ear his signature tweak, before continuing on towards the food table.

Caroline giggles at the sight of her husband stricken speechless--the rarest of rare events.

"Come, my love," she takes his hand. "Let's go celebrate our success."

[THE END]

[flamedork]

would you mind sharing a little more about the mentor ship process? As in like, what you hope to get out of your experience and how you approached the author? I only ask because I’ve been super interested myself for a long time but had no idea where to even start )):

Of course! I mean, I’m in the very, very early stages, so idk how helpful any of this will be. 

I’m very lucky; I know a creative producer who works with the organisation I’m trying to get a grant through. She’s the wife of one of my former teachers; I wouldn’t say she knows me very well, but my town is pretty limited in terms of young artists so she remembers me. She sent me a Facebook message and said that she heard that I’d been struggling with moving forward with any of my projects and she wants to meet up with me to chat about some options I might be interested in.

So, terrified and sweaty, I sit at this little bakery waiting for her. I have no idea what she’s going to talk to me about. I had this feeling I was going to walk away more lost and less motivated than before.

So, she tells me about her job, what she does, who she helps, what she knows. She explained the place she works for has applications for grants twice a year for people under the age of 26. And fucking bombards me with all this information.

She offered the suggestion of a mentorship and I fucking sparked. I had no idea it was even an option. I was even like ‘idk who to ask’ and she was like ‘ask literally any author. the sky is the limit.’. A lot of authors have done mentorships before, so there are probably a heap out there that would be interested.

I raced home and googled Australian authors. I want to do a temporary residency with this author and moving outside of Australia seems so ridiculous. Anyway, didn’t find any names that I recognised. Nor any authors that wrote in my genre (YA is super niche in Australia). I was pretty bummed out. I started sifting through author’s names on my bookshelf - skipped passed the big names - and got to Jodi McAlister’s name. Her Valentine series was something I’d read like six months prior and a story that I really enjoyed. And Yahtzee. She’s Australian, she writes YA and I already fucking own two of her books. On top of that she’s a professor. I feel like I’ll learn a lot from her.

I’ve almost finished the email. It’s hefty. 800 words. Man, I hope she says yes.

So yeah, I need to win the fellowship first. But if I do, I want to work with this author for a few months, which might mean moving temporarily, write the first three chapters of my novel and the synopsis under her guidance.

As for you. Depending on your situation there’s a few different places you can start.

Do you need support and funding during your mentorship?

Google art organisations in your area/state/country.

Read about their eligibility and requirements.

Look at what they offer in terms of grants.

Register for mailing lists for writing groups and businesses and keep up-to-date with opportunities they’re offering.

Go to workshops and start meeting people in the industry, get your name out there, make friends with people who are interested in the same things you are.

Build a CV and portfolio.

Apply.

Finding the mentor 

Write a list of authors you’d like to work with. People you absolutely admire and people who have a similar style to you or authors that have similar characters as you.

Google a list of authors in your genre who accept mentorships and add them to your list.

Email them.

(ps: i would assume they want to be paid for being a mentor. but i haven’t gotten to those questions yet. so if you’re not going to apply for a grant, think about the $$ too)

The email

Tell them who you are and why you’re emailing them.

Tell them your situation (are you working and have limited hours? are you applying for a grant?)

What’s the plan? (how long? what are you writing? how much are you writing under their guidance?)

What do you want to gain from this mentorship?

Why did you choose this author?

Send it the fuck away.

The worst they can say is no.

Idk if any of this helped, but good luck! I hope you find the right mentor and write your butt off!

[davidjjohnston3]

1. Others' innocence can make us feel more alive and cleanly but we have sooner or later to 'cleanse the inside of your own cup' (Jesus).

2. I miss 'sis.'  That's all. I'm not married at 36.5 but someone did say, 'as a sister.'

3. I listened to Sowon's cover of 'Happy' and wrote a letter to Taeyeon on Instagram that she said something nice to.

4. I have several wishes pace Pope Francis' 'Come Let Us Dream' in the Covid era.  One of these is to move to Korea of course again, another to move to LA, and another to publish under the imprint of (Mrs.) Catherine Cho's literary imprint as 'Inferno' was terrifying to me in a good way and I too encountered both racism, antagonism towards introverts and quiet people, warehousing by TV, and other forms of evil and crime in the mental healthcare system from people who just want money or, worse in a way, fun and PRIDE.  I also think now that the mental healthcare system in Milwaukee Conuty was designed to give nursing school graduates either an 'easy money' job or exposure to a new Nazi-like system pace abortion-culture under the Democratic Party (including at least one Asian sadly; Andrew Yang), in which the mentally abnormal are considered second-class citizens if not Hitlerian 'life unworthy of life.' My parents are Democrats incidentally and fully support this.

5. I am pro-life 100%; I was going to be aborted and my biological 'father in law' still wants to post-partum-abort me; I could describe the spiritual realization but it's anatomical as well as literally electric.  I hope and pray the pro-life movement will be able to present a living paradigm whereby the value of orphan life can be demonstrated and God glorifide in a literal 'spirit of adoption' or at least a very good orphanage.  This has been part of my dream or 'ghost' since at least 2010.

6. I was driving to see Bethlehem Baptist Church + Bethlehem College and Seminary in Minneapolis and felt a crucifying energy from the church; I also thought about Monica and the 'white garments' of righteousness and covered sin ('white as snow' - Isaiah).  

7. I don't want to 'nuke the Johnston clan' but as I was brutally attacked by both my parents in a campaign involving widespread exaggeration lying to both biomedical professionals / sci-tech establishment as well as civil authority (police) I have written some notes and passages of a 'purple and gold' project, 'Johnston Family Promises; or How Easter Became April Fools,' which could be characterized as a parody of self-destruction, specifically self-post-partum-abortion by reversing the fact that medical doctor brain trust thought I'd be born on April Fool's but was actually born on Easter Sunday in Los Angeles, CA.  

8. I just want a future at this point however as my biological 'family' turned violently against me and I am in the position of 'gathering in the summer' (Proverbs).

9. I thought, 'an authentic love'... I love Changrae Lee also but it took me a long time to understand the spiritual 'Requiem' sense of his best book, by far, 'The Surrendered.'  Koreans I sometimes think are the one race or rather _ _ now taking the past seriously without throwing away the future.  With Secretary Pompeo I feel America could fall in on itself or at least on people like me, including many vulnerable loved ones of all of yours, my Facebook friends.

10. On a lighter note I like (Ms. / Artist) Kim Taeyeon's 'Cover Up' - 'I can't cover up my heart.'  

11. I still like Baskin Robbins Pineapple Coconut thoguh for some reason it makes me think of being a billionaire world-saving commerce-warrior in financial triller Michael Kim's 'Offerings.''

12. I gave the wrong things to the wrong people and made them worse; I expect to be judged by Moses as well as my former teacher-trainers and mentors for being 's/Sensei' who failed his students in both senses of fail (gave them F's and failed to teach them things that made them 'better').  It was a traumatic experience that made me feel demoted from EdAdmin that I had just been offered to wanting to assist-teach K4 or Spec/ExcepEd.  That's what you get for 'adult education' / being honest with Boomers about your thoughts, feelings, and decades of study.  I think Confuciu would say you can't teach constructively who have no sense of shame (old American whites), and moreover participate in a rape-culture including both literal rape, sex-traficking, university campus-culture, porneia,

13. I haven't yet had an EKG but could have experienced acute idiopathic cardiac distress from the Pfizer vaccine since too many beautiful women ages 11-80 all love me.  I thought a while back at 36, 'How to use my last half of my life.'  Then suddenly with pericardial effusion on my mind I thought, 'What to do with 3 months to 2.8 years.'  I wanted to go to Korea; I saw a Servants of Christ video where she was in Korea walking by a river to 'I Need Thee Every Hour' a Christian hymn to Jesus about absolute dependency, 'most precious Lord.'  I remembered Psalm 23 and a time I just wanted to be buried in a certain cemetery in Incheon.  Some other things happened involving my marital future, 'Skinship,' but now I am hoping for at least 5-10 years as the acute issues have mostly settled down and I am a clever self-dietician.  Honestly though with the state of healthcare in Wisconsin I thought about purchasing a needle myself for a pericardocentesis to drain the H2O.  

14. I have one writing-project I might not complete but I feel a solid start that could / should be published about abortion-culture and based on 'Love in Color,' a popular song by a no-longer-pop-idol.  

15. I still think about expositing American literature but suddenly 'The Old New World' means more to me; the old Midwestern novel, 'Winterlight,' 'My Soul at Night.'  And, 'The Magnificent Ambersons,' destined love.  I had a student in Korea who would be the card-carrying image of Lucy Morgan if they adapted it in addition to Mark Helprin's 'In Sunlight and in Shadow.'  

16. I am (too?) afraid of the Cross of Gold.  America getting rich.  China's 'moderately prosperous nation' i.e. Get Middle Class or Die (and Take World w/ Us) Tryinng.'  I want to be poor and poor-in-spirit except that I love some people who could use the money.  That is part of why I think about Michael B. Kim.

17. I like green peas, peanut butter, and blueberries.

18. The best audiobook I read lately is almost holy to me, 'Inferno' by Catherine Cho but 'Forgotten God' by Francis Chan is also incredible.  I listen to it while sleeping on audio and it always seems to wake me up at the perfect moment.  

19. I finally figured out an 'audience' as well.  If I could finally write a couple novels with a 'professional' utterance in addition to 'Love in Color' my 'caritas et amor' homage to a beautiful song and also something on the Covid era and old and young.  Like Pastor John MacArthur, or with him / following him I just feel like the whole point of Covid was to give people a chance to do better by / with kids.  'We plant the trees; our children enjoy the shade' - a Chinese proverb that the orthodox preacher / shepherd John MacArthur cites nonetheless. The American Families Plan.  Also even more (AUTHENTIC, non-guru-guff, non-fetishistic, non-trends-based) professionalization and humane policing and children's rights within the South Korean public and private schooling sectors.

20. I had one grand project as well called 'The Distant Lights of Seoul' that is kind of my take on 'In Sunlight and in Shadow' but it evolved in to something more personal that that's all... a trip I thought of taking, in the days when I was unsure whether to be the new or old.

21. I remember the most anguished summer of my life till now was 2003.  'Deep Inside of You' by 3EB.  'I would change myself if I could / I would walk with my people if I could find them / and I'd say I'm sorry to you.'  Coincidentally I went on an 'icy-hot' date with a hyper-beautiful woman at the cafe-bar where Jenkins wrote 'Motorcycle Driveby.'

22. I made a 'partial audiobook' of the early Psalms - particularly 5, about God defending - and had a beautiful experience like reading to children.

23. I don't want to broaden myself out too much physically or experientially; I'm afraid of becoming mentally American.  'Leaving Babylon, Leaving America, Leaving Milwaukee, Leaving.'  My homage to Madison Kwon Eunbi as well, theme-music 'Eraser.'  But I have to be a better man to approach my new _.

24. My original 'Korea project' was called 'Transferring to Line Zero' and like many Millennial writers in 2010 I tried to sound like a Haruki Murakami narrator but my experience turned out to be more like Kazuo Ishiguro, Marcel Proust.  I aimed for whisky but got wine.  I wish I could write this as I know for whom.  IDK if anyone cares though as Millennials almost all had 'these.'  I just wish I could make something of it instead of seeming like 'Acute Fangirl's No. 1 Fanboy.'  There wasn't a 'zero.'  

25. I had a crush on Dreamcatcher JiU 'Lily Kim' I saw once in Chicago - 'prettier in real life' is a good way to zonk people out into falling in love with a picture - but I saw a picture of her in traditional Joseon garment and just thought, 'cordial neighbor.'  That's all.

26. I used to write 'nuke Harvard' self-hyper-fanfiction about me v. the more customary winners and my ideal project is 'The Chinaman (or Chinese Poet) at American-Korean Thanksgiving.'

27. remembering my 2003 self / poet persona

akaka soru no

I thought about snow falling on velvet.  I got in trouble in the neighborhood. I liked Red Velvet's 'Wish Tree.'  I liked Wendy Son and Kim Yerim. A noble name, Son Seungwan, I'll say it once.

Maoists.  I read 'Wild Swans.'   I wanted to join you in your sadness and your beauty but I wasn't being Kawabata Yasunari. I don't want to generalize about my love for you but I don't believe in things either; Time disappears; mathematics inspires my disbelief; I think it can change.

'I love other people.'

What is it when parents grow old Do they go in to a new world They go to Heaven before us They know about being young

Wine, Elizabeth Strout novel 'Protestant endurance' in the old Midwest 'We are different from everybody'

The only question a bomb-threat at the school after 9.11 'Sospiro' fioritura In those days they were innocent 'I would take you seriously' (if I were a teacher) Now they try to be like New Yorkers I am not home

The poem that belonged to everyone flower a flower Can the passive-aggressive therapist Chinese girlfriend tea in the morning 'If I had to live with you'

the children of tomorrow where understanding ends require a world

a walk by the river i was old then carrying something i knew how to cook i knew how to live you sang 'dream' i said something like someone once said to me my old love contacted me via e-mail she said she had become materialistic and Republican she looked really good / happy married with kid after Covid-19 anaesthesiologist

28. Dov Danilov had abjected himself; he was known; on one cared.  The only decisive or critical factor... There was that armored 'girlfriend of steel' or perhaps better-than-girlfriend, the trial by ordeal, the one-look judgmentality, but it was all the past.  There was 'When You Are Old' and there had always been the presence of the Other like in 'The New World' with Pocahontas and John Smith; 'Who are you that haunts my dreams?'  That was a gooood movie.  He watched 'The Last Samurai' back in the day and didn't take it seriously but believed it contained good 'advices.'  There was Manheim Wagner's 'Korea: How You Feel' that had a great photo that seemed to mean something about the author's feelings but the book was all about illegal narcotics and sex-trafficking.  There was 'Brother One Fell' but it was all about masturbation and poor diet and illegal narcotics and what the Native Amerrian Indian shepherd-scholar hda called 'Mental Europeanness.'   The shepherd-scholar called himself a 'sheep-rancher.'  It was RU, 2005 autumn. 'Being known and ont cared for,' like HAndong from Dreamcatcher.  Maybe, it was the beginning of the end of the nightmare. - I could eat again a little if I got another love-letter from a female student... or even another bouquet from a gay male student... Maybe I'll mrary a North Korean woman after reunification... Remember 'Honey and Clover?' - Good song. - It's an anime-drama.  Originally it was a dorama.  Pramodh liked it before BLM stole his soul and he death-threated me with Cannibal COrpse and hate.  'Moon River' on pianoforte.  

- 'The Remains of DJ.'  'LA Dream.'  'Red Mansion Dream.'  'Pandemic of Honesty.'  'At the End of the Winter-Light; the Last of the Good Old Wisconsin Blue.'  'John Updike R

and I am not ashamed while my love is near me and I know it will be so till it's time to go So count the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again

'doctrine of unconditional evil'

29. My father acted in a really scary obsessive fashion toward me lately and now suddenly he is just eating and drinking.  

30. Jesus Himself said in the Gospel not to curse your parents.

31. I thought something about 'Sentimental Education' lately.

32. A while ago I wanted to write or read 'stories about families.'

33. I want to return to my '2003' project that predicted bioweapons and stuff but not really.

If I were redoing it I might just make it about 'Honesty' and instead of magic assassins it would be the medical doctor charged with mitigating bioweapon magic damage and the FBI agent investigating the bad guys.  Psalm 5.

34. Wanting to be the spiritual-intellectual successor to Bruce Cumings (hyper-meta historiography of the Korean War and, by extension, Covid, the world, Christ / CHristology, and the problems with non-Asia-based E. Asian Studies academicians or anyone who lacks Confucian scholar-gentleman / 'sunbi' / Scholar in Kingdom of Heaven sincerity).  China buries corrrput intellectuals alive.

35. 'Final Offer' in Time (on Pres. Moon Jaein).  'Peace in Our Time?'  Blessed are the peacemakers; blessed are the pure in heart.  

36. IDK if it's worth saying but - dept. of Anti-Christology or study of Antichrist - the 'first world' as it used to be called by and large seemed to be trending towards Imperium.  I honestly feel as if Barack Obama could be pulling the strings from within the CIA building and David Cameron adn Angela Merkel are in charge of all of Europe, while POpe Francis holds suzerainty of influence if not command-authority over the Spanish-speaking world.  IDK if there is meaningful dissent outside of a few republic-nations such as Poland and South Korea, who paradoxically take on a posture of what Park Chunghee callde 'itnernational responsiblity' despite a history of atrocious suffering and monoethnic somewhat xenophobic traditional social makeup.

37. Flaubert's notes to his supreme masterpiece 'Sentimental Education'... I'll just say... How he taught Frederic Moureau to fall in love with Marie Arnoux; taught himself how to LOVE Marie both before the beginning and after the end of being 'in love' with this mother-paramour.  

That said, I still remember the days when I had 'optimism' and someone said, '[woman] is happy because of you.'

38. I can't write more but do have specific goals, chiefly, master Korean and learn all the basic facts.  Professionals and experts believe in facts; as my Russian Yale MBA friend used to say, 'I am a scientist.'

I wish I had a profession... 'literary criticism of life?'  I am interested in 'the condition of fiction' and 'the logic of pulverization' but I just track John MacArthur.  I need to reconstitute my body and mind then maybe...

Dreams of [doctoral degrees].

39. 2 Timothy, Acts 2, Thessalonians, Revelation, in the Covid era.

40. Dreaming of Bethlehem College and Seminary.

41. Dov Danilov had abjected himself; he was known; on one cared.  The only decisive or critical factor... There was that armored 'girlfriend of steel' or perhaps better-than-girlfriend, the trial by ordeal, the one-look judgmentality, but it was all the past.  There was 'When You Are Old' and there had always been the presence of the Other like in 'The New World' with Pocahontas and John Smith; 'Who are you that haunts my dreams?'  That was a gooood movie.  He watched 'The Last Samurai' back in the day and didn't take it seriously but believed it contained good 'advices.'  There was Manheim Wagner's 'Korea: How You Feel' that had a great photo that seemed to mean something about the author's feelings but the book was all about illegal narcotics and sex-trafficking.  There was 'Brother One Fell' but it was all about masturbation and poor diet and illegal narcotics and what the Native Amerrian Indian shepherd-scholar hda called 'Mental Europeanness.'   The shepherd-scholar called himself a 'sheep-rancher.'  It was RU, 2005 autumn. 'Being known and ont cared for,' like HAndong from Dreamcatcher.  Maybe, it was the beginning of the end of the nightmare. - I could eat again a little if I got another love-letter from a female student... or even another bouquet from a gay male student... Maybe I'll mrary a North Korean woman after reunification... Remember 'Honey and Clover?' - Good song. - It's an anime-drama.  Originally it was a dorama.  Pramodh liked it before BLM stole his soul and he death-threated me with Cannibal COrpse and hate.  'Moon River' on pianoforte.  

- 'The Remains of DJ.'  'LA Dream.'  'Red Mansion Dream.'  'Pandemic of Honesty.'  'At the End of the Winter-Light; the Last of the Good Old Wisconsin Blue.'  'John Updike R

and I am not ashamed while my love is near me and I know it will be so till it's time to go So count the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again

'doctrine of unconditional evil' - humans mistaking themselves for God the Father - abortion-culture - Pope Saint John Paul II 'Humana Vitae'

42. Ideas of Christianity versus praxis and parataxis of Christianity

43. I was fond of Becca on Xanga but not as much as 'Clover' People open so much they can't but close off like a French novel 'humanity-rule' though their psychology of women is 'unconvincing' Glenn Gould ate a lot of eggs he was a hypochrondriac I want to drink 'Delta Covid Winter Summer Wine' and think of Mary HK Choi 'Yolk,' Lear's Cordelia and the real one, caritas / a'ga'pe I hope I don't get kilt with a _ _ _

44. Side- / mini-project 'My Brother's Type' about anti-Asian racism.

45. Ideal YA novel / counter to all corrupt YAL books, 'Clover' from the Promise / Fromis song.  It's beautiful, beauteous, 'fragrance from life to life.'  'I kept wishing for luck until I realized that which I wanted was happiness, yes?'

46. They were bored psychopathic Boomers; retirement had made them cannibal sociopaths.  His mom was like Volumnia in Coriolanus.  He didn't want to think about it.  He remembered Shan by the Han River, 'Fair Love.'  It was ten years ago; he weighed 25 pounds less but his mentality was the same. People were different.  Children were different.  In Wisconsin they evinced a... He was tired of being a bridge between West and East.  No one was curious.

47. I approached something really intense and pure and holy - and absolutely specific - and can't back off or back down without harm to myself.  This might be my last FBI.

48. I was 'boring guy.'

49. Summer rain.

50. That holiness... but also... CVA ('Charity edifieth')...

51. I want to read Korean poetry again as well.  Better poetry than ever, I imagine, better people.  'Perfect Children.'

52. 'And When We Are Older' - A Poem for Someone about My Age

And when we are old it won't necessarily get easier or fall into place or smooth into bonhomie or grow delicate as papery exquisite autumn leaves like the face of Jennifer Aniston and sometimes at the gym my smaller shoulder-muscles push harder but they remind me in this cute, precious way of some kind knowing amid Cross and sword that ever valor is a risk and God has got his hour writ. I thought that by now I would know what it's like to be one flesh with a wife, to watch a daughter practicing pianoforte, play catch with a son in the yard of a house by New Jersey reedy ponds.  That dream began in 1994 and there it stays, between the 'cello-clabbered music-room and gildered auditorium and still, in these institutions, nowhere to confess my love, nowhere to begin, just papers to plan on or wise. I used to love book-reviews, the language of dictionaries that could seem to get life so right, "Validity in Interpretation," the days when newspapers seemed to love me more than my own teachers, Colossians 4:6, editing sprinkled with salt, giving reason for hope, appropriate, apt, jeongdokhada. They get old and old and much is made of the things we can experience; sometimes I think that my dear friend quit Samsung too soon to know how to build his own team and I quit at least three jobs too soon and didn't stay in hot pursuit and now feel almost as if only my thoughts are as brightly alive with a love-light as your face once was. I get so lost at shopping malls, drowning; I don't get what anyone is up to. There was a Monsignor who composed or redacted this immense ethnography of all Korea but it must have broken his heart too, man who never took a wife, knitting red, his memory, the kind of person who arrives as I, watching Pompeo et al, in the hope of a benevolent ruler both forever and for the time being too... My friend used to say I could lead but I couldn't even shut down the snark-machine and Reddit had a field day with me and honestly maybe I've never loved anyone adequately. Let's be young a while more and though I didn't like this as a kid we can talk to the TV like at my grandparents' house long ago and again born on the new day, maybe we'll spend some time married.

53. 'Happy Days'

54. I miss the good K-dramas from Dramafever days though I don't watch television anymore... I wish I did just to rest my eyes... I miss 'Please Come Back Ahjusshi'... He's on the flying aerospace train to Heaven with his tears of contrition but decidees to return to Earth to delete his porn-collection for his wife and daughter surviving him... I deleted my biological father's literary porn collection ('daddy'-stepdaughter coercive / rape; adulterous housewife)... but he tried to send me to death and Hell.

55. It was like autumn in Korea this morning with the lamps and air-moisture; it was like Korean summer this early evening with August rain.

56. I want to regain my purity of literary style but hopefully God willing write something profitable / fruitful.   I might just teach again for pay..

[sungrcwn]

✿ plots & connections.

(  w a n t e d  p l o t s  )

✿ faculty friends ✿ faculty enemies?? idk he never has enemies he’s too nice but maybe even just someone who gets annoyed by his perpetual optimism and love of hugs??  ✿ literally anyone who will gush over plants w/ him

(  c o n n e c t i o n s  )

✿ alexi nikolayevich — former teacher/mentor. topher first met alexi fourteen years ago when he arrived at stokely’s and, at the time, neither really knew how much of a task having him as a student would be. because of his learning disability and the environment in which he grew up, he was far behind his peers when it came to understanding even basic math. desperate not to flunk out and unsure of what else to do, topher stayed behind after class one day and all but begged  alexi to help him, and it was then that his teacher discovered exactly how far behind he was. but alexi tutored him, helping him with his work and giving him additional lessons several times a week, and it’s thanks to his generosity and perseverance that topher was able to graduate. and to this day, he still has endless gratitude ( which he often shows in the form of fresh fruit he offers to him when he drops in and lush gardens that grow outside of his classroom ) and credits him as the reason he didn’t fail in his very first year.

✿ thea rowlett — close friend. one of his very best friends on the faculty, in fact. topher and thea share a friendship that was initially sparked by a common interest and a shared medium for their abilities — plants. thea seemed to be one of the few people who didn’t look at topher like he was completely absurd for suggesting that plants had feelings, and the two of them often shared their own feelings about people ripping up or defoliating or otherwise harming the flora that surrounds the campus and sharing stories about their lives over tea in the greenhouse. the energy that thea pulls from the plants in order to heal is easily replenished by topher’s green thumb, ensuring that the plants fulfill their needs to the staff and student body without suffering or wilting, a balance that leads to a healthy ecosystem of plant life and a healthy school. topher, able to communicate with plants thanks to his own botanical gifts, often assures thea that the plants she tends to do not, in fact, hate her for draining their energy ( and it’s true — he would know, they’ve told him. )

✿ callum saxon — close friend. in spite of the fact that the subject he teaches is one that topher himself has never been any good at ( the fact that he even managed to pass history when he was attending stokely’s was a feat in and of itself ) callum has quickly become one of his best friends among the faculty for their mutual passion for the school itself. they share a similar past — one that, while it may have been difficult, has left the both of them with an appreciation for stokely’s not only as an educational facility but as a home, a place of belonging. and it’s a feeling that the both of them only want to support and encourage with every new class of kids that comes in. both rather outdoorsy types, it’s not uncommon to find the two of them out around campus, whether orchestrating impromptu games of lawn twister or capture the flag out on the green for students or simply enjoying nature and the company of a friend. 

✿ kat willows — close friend. topher and kat have been friends for several years now and he considers the infinitely youthful blonde one of his best and closest. their friendship, like several others of his, was sparked initially through a mutual love for plants and nature; the pair of them could spend hours simply wandering around in the gardens waxing poetic about all the different blossoms and petals that line them, pointing out their favorite colors in the bright clusters of flowers. topher will sometimes watch her kitten, vinny, while kat is in class, and after several hours of conjuring up vines for him to chase or watching him leap through the air to try and catch butterflies, she’ll often find the pair of them napping in the shade of one of the apricot trees in the orchard, the gardener sprawled out in the grass while vinny dozes contentedly on his chest, the both of them worn out from a morning of adventures.

✿ charlant leroux — friend/slight crush. he’ll admit, for someone whose company he enjoys so thoroughly, topher doesn’t see charlant as much as his happy little heart would hope. he finds the drama teacher to be incredibly interesting, and he looks forward to the conversations they share for how unique and stimulating they are ( without charlant, after all, topher never would have even known that little shop of horrors existed, and even if it does vilify the plant in the end, he can’t lie and say he isn’t absolutely tickled by the ridiculous plot and musical numbers. the first time the blond had mentioned it, he spent that evening watching the 1986 film rendition ) even going so far as to seek him out at times if for nothing else than the chance to speak to him. charlant may be prone to rambling, but topher honestly finds it more endearing than anything and greatly enjoys listening to his frequently tangential talks. and his smile, y’know, that’s pretty nice too. 

✿ rory damiani — friend. perhaps one of the only things topher enjoys more than plants? food. it makes sense, then, that one of his favorite friendships is one that was formed with a bond forged over french fries. she’d offered to share with him the first time they’d met — an offer he would later come to find out was rare for the girl who often had others do for her instead of the other way around — and he’d be a liar if he tried to say they haven’t been friends ever since. topher likes to do little things for her, whether it be weaving her flower crowns from brightly colored blooms he’s taken from his garden or sharing fresh fruit with her, tiny reminders that she doesn’t have to use her powers in order for others to be compelled to do things for her. he genuinely believes that rory is a sweet girl, as much as he thinks that she doubts it herself ( and he does think that, if for no other reason than her occasional asking if he really does consider her a friend. )

✿ janicka rush-schäfer — friend. or kindred spirit, more like. the first time topher crossed paths with janicka, he’d been climbing one of the many trees that scattered the campus ( a pastime he indulged in often — particularly when he could manipulate the growth of the branches to be the perfect width and distance apart for maximum climbing and lounging in the treetops ) when he’d discovered that the specific oak he’d chosen already had an inhabitant. though he loves all of the students at the school — he loves everybody, really — janicka has been one of his favorites for their shared love of plants and climbing trees, so much so that he’s even shared with her some of his favorite spots in the orchard to hide away amidst the branches. he finds her power to be absolutely fascinating, and on more than one occasion, she’s conjured up a drizzle to help hydrate the gardens during dry spells in the weather, a favor for which he is always immensely grateful. 

✿ huan zhang — frustration. let it be known that topher has the patience of a saint and it takes a lot to frustrate him, but there is one particular student he’s found seems to take joy in drowning his plants and it breaks his heart to know she gets a kick out of harming such helpless, innocent life. at first, he’d simply written it off as an uncontrollable side effect of her powers — it isn’t uncommon, after all, for students to accidentally wreck his flowerbeds or knock over trees or light his topiaries on fire as they’re learning to control their abilities — but the more it happens ( and the more interest she seems to take in it, asking after his plants while he’s actively trying to revive them ) the more he’s starting to realize that maybe his flooded gardens are not as much an accident as he’d hoped. he isn’t confrontational, not by any means, but he can’t help but feel a desire to ask her why. 

✿ elliot ricker — friend. the shapeshifter is known to be a bit of a prankster around campus, and topher is certainly not immune to her jokes and games. the best, she’s come to realize, is when she disguises herself hides herself among his plants in the garden or in the greenhouse, only to shift back into her natural form when he’s least expecting it and scare the living daylights out of him. she often teases him for holding conversations with and singing to his plants ( something the groundskeeper does unabashedly no matter the audience, but admittedly with a bit more zeal when he thinks that he’s alone ) but it’s always all in good fun and topher has no problem laughing along with her, even if the jokes usually are at his expense. 

✿ landon hightower — frustration. much like the girl who takes pleasure in drowning his plants, one of the main reasons topher knows of landon is for how his abilities have affected the gardens and greenery around the school. unfortunately, whereas he can revive a plant whose roots have been flooded with water, from what he can tell, landon is capable of destroying matter entirely, and once he’s killed his plants, topher is unable to revive them, instead forced to re-fertilize the soil and grow entirely anew. given his power, this isn’t a particularly difficult feat, as he can often repair and replace the damage fairly quickly, but it’s the emotional impact of it that gets him. he talks to the plants, communicates with and cares for them — they’re his friends, his family, and it can be devastating to watch them be destroyed. he’s yet to figure out if the boy has any sort of malicious intent ( for what reason, he couldn’t imagine ) or if he’s simply unable to control such a powerful ability, so as of now, all he can do is mourn the loss and plant new gardens. 

( @deadsculs | @thearowlett | @nodustollcns | @prditflorem | @raconteurfoo | @cosancstra | @riotousgiirl | @ancrchist | @conflicticn | @fightingbruises )

[rendezvous-ramblings]

This isn’t tc related but I was hoping to get your opinion. I finished undergrad last spring and have been looking for a “respectable” job for a year. I finally got an office job that I started this month but my boss is very unsupportive and her behavior has discouraged me from asking questions and she doesn’t always help me in dealing with our clients when I can’t find an answer. However, it’s a completely new industry for me so I need to ask questions to be able to do my job. Last Friday, I ended up getting so frustrated that I almost quit in the middle of the day and ended up crying in the bathroom (out of frustration). My position is available at the corporate location. Idk if I should try to transfer to corporate and gain more experience or look for a new job completely, away from this industry bc I dont even want to build a career here, nor does it interest me. I have anxiety and imposter syndrome so it stressed me out thinking about leaving with only 2 weeks in but the work environment is unhealthy for me. I haven’t eaten these 2 weeks I’ve worked bc I literally don’t have time at work and I’m always interacting with clients so eating at the desk is difficult/seems unprofessional to me. I just wanted to get your opinion, seeing as you are my age. Thank you.

Hi,

I'm always open to non-tc related asks so no worries! I'm sorry you've been having such a horrible time at your new job. I can relate because I graduated in the spring of last year too. I didn't face the same kind of disrespect like you did but I can empathize with the imposter syndrome and anxiety. The professors in my doctoral program seemed nonchalant and uncaring. One of them kept actively picking on me during class for questions so it was difficult being the youngest among all the students. It was the unhappiest point in my life even though I only had to last until mid-semester to transfer without repercussions. Even though I was getting As I felt lost and inadequate. I quickly learned this path was just not a good fit for me. Whatever you do don't label yourself as a failure but instead take this as a learning experience. Life will have many more of these moments in varying degrees of difficulty. I've been told it's braver to walk away from something because often times people try to "stick it out" regardless of how much it's hurting them.

For your situation, I would definitely try to leave your current position as professionally as possible. Put in your two weeks notice if you feel like you absolutely cannot stay any longer. Try to reason with yourself and prioritize your mental and emotional health first. List out all the pros and cons of leaving before making your final decision as well as steps/options moving forward.

If you need financial/job security and you feel like you can hold out a bit longer maybe interview with other places and try to secure a new job before leaving this one. If you're in the U.S. and able to file for unemployment perhaps try that if you need to leave prematurely without a back up job. Just make sure all your future finances are in order before you quit. If you act too quickly future difficulties might worsen your mental and emotional health. It's even okay if you find a temporary job that might be unrelated to your degree as you interview and bide your time for the next job opening. I even found an unrelated part time job to my field after quitting my doctoral and I'm still working there now to cover my new tuition! Don't punch yourself for not finding a "respectable job" given the current economic climate of the pandemic. I feel fortunate to have this extra income source given the circumstances of the job market right now. You need to find ways to build yourself back up. Reach out to former professors, mentors, bosses from internships, or teachers if you need advice. I did even though that was very out of character of me! You can also use friends to vent to or maybe someone can help you network if they heard somewhere else is looking for employees. You don't have to go through this alone and hearing them out can help alleviate the imposter syndrome and help you rebuild confidence and clairity.

I hope this helped and I wish you best of luck! Be kind to yourself in the meanwhile and prioritize yourself! 💛