#freshfishsushi

[decadentcalzoneuniversityartisan]

🍣Izumidai Nigiri 🔥Calories: 27.6Cals #sush1roll#lowcarbohydratesushi#lowcaloriessushi#dietsushiroll #highproteinsushifood #highproteinsushi #hey_sushi__ #sushi #sushiroll #lowcarbsushi #lowcarbsushiroll #lowcaloriesdiet #dietsushi🍣 #diesushi #lowcalories #healthysushi🍣 #healthysushiroll #healthysushi #highproteinlowcarb #highproteinfood #lowcarbhighproteindiet #lowcarbhighproteinsushi #highproteinlowcarbsushi #tastysushi #tastysushiroll #delicioussushi #izumidaisushi #izumidainigiri #freshfishsushi #foodstagram (at El Monte, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIsclKjHBIs/?igshid=1xmeipmenz1qo

[blogfreshfish]

3 spanish ladies & the roof

I’m loling but am also pretty salty rn.

For the past 3 days I have gone up to the roof to tan & read. The view from the roof is beautiful, and it’s nice because I don’t need to interact with anyone or feel like people are watching me. It’s been 85 and sunny all week.. but the people here don’t lay out in the parks and tan. It’s not like the common where people go and lay. If I were to do that, I’d get weird looks.. and I know I shouldn’t care what people think of me but I already stand out as the random American au pair who hardly speaks any Spanish and eats peaches without peeling the skin off.

Anyways- I’m up there enjoying the sun and Jodi Picoult when I hear a noise and notice that the little bubble door (the only entrance/exit), is closing??? So I run over and there are 3 ladies trying to close the bubble with a stick.

“Hola!”

All 3 of them speak in Spanish at once, and it’s very difficult for me to understand, but basically I get the gist that I need to get off the roof.

“Lo siento.. Era leendo.. Estoy aqui.” And I motion to leave the roof open.

They continue speaking in Spanish and so I go to get my things and then make the climb down the roof onto the floor inside the building.

Two of the women are dressed and ready to go, but the one who is scolding me the most is in a bathrobe, with a headscarf on. Why is she out here? Why doesn’t she just sit back on her couch and watch the soaps or whatever.

She continues scolding me in Spanish and I understand pieces of it, for the most part it just sounds like “blahbludahnopuedessubrirblahblahnonoblahdichoqueblah.”

“Umm... Necesito.. despacio.. No entiendo.”

“Me entiendes PERFECTAMENTE!”

Um no bitch I actually don’t but k.

UGH. These ladies def need to get a life. One of them was nice and kept saying, “no pasa nada,” and told me I could go read on the patio. Like yes lady Ik I can chill on the patio but I can be naked on the patio where everyone can see me so thanks but no thanks. ughhhhhh this is hysterical but I just wanna be on the roof.

[decadentcalzoneuniversityartisan]

🍣Hamachi Nigiri 🔥Calories: 32.4Cals #sush1roll#lowcarbohydratesushi#lowcaloriessushi#dietsushiroll #highproteinsushifood #highproteinsushi #hey_sushi__ #sushi #sushiroll #lowcarbsushi #lowcarbsushiroll #lowcaloriesdiet #dietsushi🍣 #diesushi #lowcalories #healthysushi🍣 #healthysushiroll #healthysushi #highproteinlowcarb #highproteinfood #lowcarbhighproteindiet #lowcarbhighproteinsushi #highproteinlowcarbsushi #tastysushi #tastysushiroll #delicioussushi #hamachisushi #yellowtailsushi #freshyellowtail #freshfishsushi (at El Monte, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIkb3GLH2xG/?igshid=1kzstxftt0bnn

[decadentcalzoneuniversityartisan]

🍱Fall in Love Roll(Sealed) 🍣In: Fresh Salmon, Fresh Tuna, Avocado🥑,Cucumber🥒 🍣Out: Spicy Tuna, Spicy Salmon, Scallion, Tobiko 🍾Sauce: Sriracha 🔥Calories: 319.7Cals 🟢Carbohydrate: 27.3g 🟢Protein:26.8g 🟢Fat:8.6g(From 🥑🐟&Sauce) #sush1roll#lowcarbohydratesushi#lowcaloriessushi#dietsushiroll #highproteinsushifood #highproteinsushi #hey_sushi__ #sushi #sushiroll #lowcarbsushi #lowcarbsushiroll #lowcaloriesdiet #dietsushi🍣 #diesushi #lowcalories #healthysushi🍣 #healthysushiroll #healthysushi #highproteinlowcarb #highproteinfood #lowcarbhighproteindiet #lowcarbhighproteinsushi #highproteinlowcarbsushi #freshfishisushiroll #freshfishsushi #freshsushiroll #tunasushiroll #salmonsushiroll #spicysushi #hotsushirolls (at El Monte, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIAbGYdHeYR/?igshid=kg56cc13t4u1

[decadentcalzoneuniversityartisan]

🍱Protein Roll 🍣In: Avocado🥑, Imitation Crab, Assorted Fish 🍣Out: Cucumber 🥒 ,Masago 🍾Sauce: Panzu Sauce 🔥Calories：265.4Cals 🟢Carbohydrate: 30.7 🟢Protein: 19.3 🟢Fat: 6g（From 🥑&🐟) #sush1roll#lowcarbohydratesushi#lowcaloriessushi#dietsushiroll #highproteinsushifood #highproteinsushi #hey_sushi__ #sushi #sushiroll #lowcarbsushi #lowcarbsushiroll #lowcaloriesdiet #dietsushi🍣 #diesushi #lowcalories #healthysushi🍣 #healthysushiroll #healthysushi #highproteinlowcarb #highproteinfood #lowcarbhighproteindiet #lowcarbhighproteinsushi #highproteinlowcarbsushi #freshfishsushiroll #freshfishsushi #noricesushi #cucumberwrapsushi #cucumberwrapsushiroll #highproteinsushiroll #tastysushiroll (at El Monte, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIAQZdHn_eF/?igshid=1twpm3v0r8daw

[blogfreshfish]

I have been doing so well.. but now I’m not feeling great. And it hit me all at once.. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been taking my Zoloft regularly.. which is my own fault.

I wasn’t feeling homesick. And I had a really fun day today.. but then tonight I started feeling sad. I miss my people. So I guess I am homesick..

I have been making lots of friends.. I have offers from 3 different friend groups to go out tonight- but I’m exhausted. I think part of that is because I actually am physically exhausted (late night last night), and the other part is mental and emotional.

I had a lot of fun with Alicia today and the friends she introduced me to. They were so friendly and funny, and the food was great. But I get exhausted trying to understand everyone speaking Spanish, and trying to respond. I hadn’t considered that it would be so tiring for me just to try to communicate with people.

And so I left early.. and I got take out and I wish Gracie or one of my sisters were here to veg out with pizza and some fab TV. But I’m alone. The people here are friendly.. and I have ‘friends,’ but I miss being with the friends that you can hug when you need a hug and just be with in silence without anyone feeling awkward.

I’m just tired.

[blogfreshfish]

hadn’t been thinking about you too much until my mom sent me that message about our parents getting dinner. I’ve had nightmares about you every night since.

[blogfreshfish]

el viernes. 9.23.16

long story short- I went out and got sick. still managed to have a lot of fun..

I only had one rum & coke.. but I think because I only had a smoothie for dinner it didn’t sit well. I’ll need carbs next time! Luckily, the owner, Jimmy from Chicago, was wicked nice! He gave me free OJ, water, and Twix haha.

danced all night with sara and lorena, who are so sweet!!

& kissed a boy! :0

[blogfreshfish]

breaking my plans

Dear you,

I have always had a plan. I planned to marry you and live such a happy life. I saw the whole thing in front of us. When we went to that barbeque I saw everything.. Meeting that couple and their three kids.. I knew that if things kept going the way they had been going, that could be us in 5 years. We would be 27 with a kid or two. Going to the yearly barbeque. And it scared me. It scared me.

I wanted, and still want, to meet other people.. To travel and explore.. Experience something besides New England. We did so much growing in the past 5 years. And I am so thankful that we did so much of it together. But this past year I grew into something different than either of us had been expecting. The change was too much.. And It really fucked up my entire plan.

It wasn’t fair to me to make myself stay in a situation that I was overanalyzing.. that I was second-guessing. And it wasn’t fair to you to be stuck with me- with someone who wanted too many different things. I want you to be with someone who is so absolutely positively sure about you as you are about them. I want every single good thing in life for you. And I hope you understand why I can’t be part of it.

And now our parents are talking about meeting up for dinner.. What the fuck will they talk about? I hope they will hear that you’re doing well. But how much do your parents really know? Do they know all of the heart breaking things you said to my parents about how much I mean to you? How I was your first everything? Do they know how you drunkenly cried to my sister? Do they know how you really are?

And what will my parents tell yours? That I’m fine? Because I am. I’m not homesick. I am doing exactly what I wanted. I feel healthier and happier than I have felt in a really long time. And I don’t want you or your family to know that. I want you all to hate me. It would be easier that way. I have so much love for you.

I wish I was in love with you..and I am so sorry that I’m not.

Please take such good care of yourself.

Love,

Me

[blogfreshfish]

tablas de daimiel

MJ asked me where I would be spending the fall, and when I told her, she texted me:

“Everything on Google Images is of some swamp in your town.”

Honestly I had had the same thought when I first googled Daimiel and las tablas. Though after going there Saturday evening with Mama Maca and the kids, I don’t know why those are the first photos to come up on Google Images. It was beautiful!

This type of open land and sky is not what I’m used to. I am used to parks and forests filled with trees and green. This was beautiful- big and spacious, with a beautiful sunset. Very peaceful.

[blogfreshfish]

there is something very lovely about having a pasta lunch with Mama Maca and the two kids in peaceful silence. No yelling, no complaining, just pasta and the Chocolat soundtrack.

[blogfreshfish]

el campo

For the past three nights we have gone to Mama Maca’s aunt and uncle’s farm house in the countryside, el campo.

In New England, the closest thing I ever came to faming was going apple picking- and I haven’t done that since I was a little kid. On  Tia Maca & Tito Ramon’s farm they have olive trees, almond trees, grape vines, pomegranate trees, and some cacti that have fruits on them.

I got to climb an almond tree and beat it to get the almonds to fall out! This may sound silly, but as someone who hasn’t been exposed to this environment before, this was a really cool and fun experience. 

In America everything is SO processed.. It was so different for me to have an almond fall from a tree, smash it open on a rock, and eat it right there underneath the tree where it grew.

[blogfreshfish]

septembers

For me, Septembers have always signified a new beginning. I'm sure it's a mix of being from New England where the leaves change and fall, as well as the fact that new school years begin in September. I have never seen New Year's Eve as the actual start of a new year. In January things are cold and dead.. A new semester begins at the same school with the same people.. What really changes besides the calendar?

Anyways, Septembers, for me, are a time for change.. for starting something new. And this September is no exception. In August I broke up with my boyfriend of five years, and in September I cut five inches off my hair, and moved to a small town in Spain, where I plan to live for the next three months. As a creature of habit, this is pretty wild for me.

[blogfreshfish]

freshfishsushi: pilot

I’m a rule follower. I just am. I always have been. Rules feel safe. I like safety. And structure. Without structure and a schedule I feel lost and purposeless. Hell, even with structure and schedule I feel lost and anxious a decent amount of the time.

Because of this, I am seen as a goody-goody. And people aren’t afraid to tell me that. When I was 16 I was seeing this guy- he was older, more experienced, cooler, etc. I don’t know what he saw in me, but he saw something, at least briefly. We spent a lot of time together and he would always think aloud, “I shouldn’t say this,” “I shouldn’t let you listen to this,” “I’m such a bad influence.” And in the 6 years since, I’ve heard a lot of similar patronizing statements.

“Oh you’re so cute!”

“I’m gonna get you drunk!”

“I’m gonna corrupt you.”

I’m not sure why other people seem to have such a vested interest in ‘corrupting’ me, but for some reason, they do.

Despite their statements and half-assed efforts, I am a rule follower. Or at least I was. But as I grow, in this past year especially, I can feel things shifting.

Part of the reason I love rules and structure is because of my anxiety. I feel most at ease when I am in control. Of course rationally I do understand that I can’t always be in control. I can’t control others and their behavior, I can’t control the environment. But still, I like to be in control and I spend a lot of time trying to control things beyond my power.

Control works best in an academic setting, where the cause-effect relationship is fairly simple.

If I spend X amount of time studying, being tutored, working on papers, I should earn Y grade. This mentality has enabled me to graduate from an accelerated program, completing four years worth of undergraduate work in three years, and two years worth of graduate work in one.

And I have been this way for years- working hard and following the rules. I’m not a complete nerd- I still find plenty of time to binge watch series after series on Netflix. But overall I have been on a path of doing X to earn Y. From the time I was young, I was repeatedly told that I was going to college, and that in order to do so I needed certain grades and extracurricular activities.

I didn’t even understand what it meant. I remember confessing to my dad when I was first moving into college that I used to believe that college was like Heaven, a universal place where everyone goes at a certain time. I thought that after high school, all the graduates left and went to the same place, “College.” But I didn’t know what it meant or why they went.

So from the time I was young, I was pushed to be on the honor roll and involve myself in different extracurriculars. I needed good grades in middle school to get into the private high school, because the private high school would look better on college applications.

When I got to the private high school I needed to get certain grades and standardized testing scores in order to get into a good college. And when I found the good college and learned that my freshman year would be the first year of a brand-new accelerated 3+1 social work program, I enrolled. That was the new goal. I needed good grades in the undergraduate program to maintain eligibility for the graduate program. And in the graduate program I needed to work as hard as possible so that I could graduate with my Masters of Social Work at 22, a few years ahead of my typical-track peers, and have something to show for the years and years of work I had done. By the time I got to undergrad, this pressure no longer came from my parents or teachers, it came from me. But I did it. I graduated from an accelerated 3+1 program at a small, reputable school in New England, and so far I am the first and only individual to have completed it.

But I wondered too late, why?

Why was I rushing through college? Apparently they’re “the best years,” though every time I hear someone say that, I feel sorry for them. If you peak at 21, and live the rest of your life and it’s never as fun as college, what the hell have you been up to?

I had worked hard and rushed for what? To start working for the rest of my life? To start paying bills and ‘adulting’? Why? The goal that had been imposed on me since I was a child was college. And as the end approached, I realized that the goal would be achieved, and there was no new goal. I needed to find a goal that I wanted to set for myself- to figure out what, besides academics, I wanted to work towards.

So I decided to change course. I, the rule-following creature of habit, lover of structure and schedule, decided to mix things up a bit. All throughout my youth, I felt like I was working hard for others. Like I said, when I was being told about college, I did not even have an understanding of what it meant. I was working hard in middle school so that the private high school would want me. I was striving for As in high school because if I got a B my mom would yell at me. In hindsight, being scolded by my mom isn’t that scary, but I wanted to avoid it. I was going to high school early every day for English grammar tutoring, and spending my free period with my math teacher, so that a ‘good college’ would want me. I was doing what others expected me to do, and those became my expectations for myself.

So now I am doing something for me. I moved to a completely new place where I don’t know a soul, to have an experience completely different from anything that I have done before. Today is my fifth day as an au pair in a small town in central Spain.

Welcome to Sushi, feel free to pass on through or to witness the next three months of adventure and self-reflection and discovery.