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sxtvrns · 2 years

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duo of dreams

🎶 now playing: ordinary – nct dojaejung

P: Hueningkai x Fem!Idol!Reader

S: You were seductive. He was an angel. Two polar opposite concepts come together in ways no one would expect.

C: fluff, comfort, inaccuracy, self indulgence, girlboss reader, downbad hyuka, brainrot, drabbling, kinda long, not proofread

N: i am a baby moa so pls do not slander me if i dont get a millisecond of a certain stage performance correct. this is purely for self indulgence because i am so severely in love with kai and everything that he does. idek where this story went but im hoping it makes sense cuz i was so upset with the ending i changed it multiple times and this is the one i liked the most. this man is so fine and im glad im not the only one that thinks so

view the full perfume collection.

please interact if you enjoy!

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2021

The minute you turned 19, you knew what you wanted. Even before you turned 19, you knew what you were, and you knew what you wanted to make out of it. You were hot. Fierce, confident, and eye catching. Everyone knew it, too. You turned heads every time you went to the headquarters, seeing people stare at you out of the corner of your eye.

Before you were of age, though, you never openly exposed yourself in such a way. It was all a tough girl kind of concept. You tended to stay on the neutral, dark, concepts rather than cuter ones. If you were given an idea, you found a way to design it and stick it to your niche. You always preferred to do what you liked rather than being forced into a box with little room to do anything your way; it demotivated you.

As a solo artist, you had lots of creative freedom, being able to write your own songs and even nitpick at how you wanted them to sound. Sometimes you would just need a kickstart or a hint from another fellow producer to get the ideas flowing, and boy, did your mind flow with ideas.

Sometimes you were labeled as ‘provocative’ or ‘controversial’. Some even said you were acting too mature for your age. But it never hurts to get a head start.

When you weren’t music making, you often dabbled in modeling with your partnered companies or for magazines, really, any source of promotion. You felt even more confident while doing so as well, which further boosted your productivity in the studio. It all came full circle.

You tried to do what you like while also balancing music, and you managed to make it work. People looked up to you. Newer groups admired you, your stage presence, how you gave 100% in every single performance that you did, how you wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect, how much effort you put into practicing.

You idolized your own fair share of groups as well. BTS, Blackpink, Twice; any group debuting for longer than you have, you admired. When you saw Suga crack a smile at your MAMA performance, you nearly broke character on stage, but held it in by letting your heart race and stopping your face from faltering. When Dahyun talked about you during one of her lives, saying you were cool and how she longed for confidence like yours, you nearly fainted on the spot.

You were still a growing girl with people you looked up to, inspired by everything that they do and how you could apply aspects from their performances to yours. You were truly committed to your craft.

You were invited onto a talk show, along with another group, whose name was not revealed to you. Off camera, you heard the footsteps of multiple people passing by, yet you didn’t know who since it was supposedly a surprise for both you and the other idols.

You adjust your mic, the cameras rolling and the MC and group introducing themselves. Though their voices together are loud, you can’t make out what they are saying, only adding more to the suspense. You’re suddenly given the cue by a staff member, walking out and seeing five men sitting together in their chairs with surprised expressions.

You’re equally as surprised, knowing you’ve seen their faces at previous award shows. “Tomorrow by Together?” You point at them, all of them jumping and freaking out at the fact you knew who they were. “Y/N, meet TXT!” The MC says, letting you sit in your chair as the boys calm down.

“Have you two met formally before?”

“I think once backstage, we were on Inkigayo together.” You answer, the event fully coming back to their memories as you mentioned it. “Do you remember our names?” Taehyun asks innocently, watching as your eyes scan over each of their faces before answering. You point at each respective member as you say their names. “Soobin. Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, Hueningkai.” They all cheer and applaud as you dramatically bow towards them and the camera.

“Is there something in particular you like about each other’s music?” The MC asks.

“TXT has a certain flow in their music that manages to get stuck in my head; No Rules and Frost have been playing on loop for the past few days since those are my favourites. And the rhythm and the way each song plays a role within a story is something I really like.”

They all nod, the MC turning their head towards the boy group. “Hueningkai should answer for us.” Yeonjun ushers, patting the maknae on the back. “Yeah, he has your music on 24/7. Nonstop.” Beomgyu adds, only making Kai even more shy.

“Well, Y/N has a really significant, gritty style to her music and a satisfying edge that balances out throughout her songs, so each song is different in its own way. She really pays attention to the role of each instrument in the background and how well they balance together, and her ballads are really well put together because of this. Of course, all of her songs are good, but her ballads stick out even more to me. They’re usually the ones I listen to the most.”

“He’s good.” You say, all of them laughing. “Frost is actually Hueningkai’s song.” Soobin adds. “Really?” The maknae nods, all redfaced and flustered. “That’s why it’s so good then. You did the laugh at the beginning?” He nods again. “I picked it up from you, a little bit.”

“That’s amazing. I loved it, it gave the song the whole like, badass vibe.” You say, immediately covering your mouth. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can say that.” They all laugh it off, going back to the topic at hand.

As the interview progresses, you slowly find yourself getting more comfortable with the boys in front of you, laughing and joking around as the questions go on and on. They treat you like a close friend though you’ve only known each other for an hour, and your heart is filled with a familiar warmth as you even fall out of your chair from laughing so hard.

You compose yourself before the interview ends, and when the cameras cut, it goes silent, all of TXT staring at you, and you staring back. Hueningkai is the first to break, everyone else following right after.

━━━━━

the way he looks at her

hyuka had hearts in his eyes the whole time i swear

Y/N ONE CHANCE PLEASE

she is literally slaying so hard and all she’s doing is sitting in her chair

id freak out too if i was in the presence of y/n

IDK IF I WANNA BE TXT OR Y/N

hueningkai finally formally meeting his celeb crush guys the character development is real

━━━━━

You lurked a lot on social media, having your own personal accounts and such. This also meant you saw all those comments about the tension between you and Hueningkai specifically. They weren’t wrong about it; in fact, there was something there between you two that you couldn’t determine.

It was like a chain operated by a crank that wanted to pull you two closer together. You felt yourself drawn to him, and he felt drawn to you, yet you didn’t know why.

“Hueningkai has the biggest crush on you. He has some of your posters hung up in our room and always stays quiet if your performance is on. He never stays quiet for anything.” Taehyun said, which stuck with you the rest of the interview.

During the recording, you couldn’t help but feel your eyes drawn to him specifically, and how he’d already be staring at you when you looked at him. He could feel it too, the crank wanting to turn. You both were resisting against it, not letting the chain pull you two any closer.

He was cute, for sure. His innocence seemed to radiate off of him, and the way it contrasted with your maturity made you wonder why there was such a significant tension between you two.

So while you sat in HYBE’s cafe on the 19th floor, sipping on an iced chocolate while staring down at the streets below, you tried to take your mind off of him. But it was the most fun you’ve had with another group, and you wanted to relive the laughter in your head over and over again for as long as you could remember it, but Hueningkai was always the first person that came back to your mind when you tried to reminisce. As much as you liked it, it also felt like torture.

The doors of the elevator open with a ding, Hueningkai ordering a lime bachaas at the counter, noticing a familiar figure at one of the window seats. He gets his drink, taking a sip before guessing. “Y/N?” You turn around at the mention of your name, noticing Hueningkai who’s waving at you. You wave back, wondering what to do. It’d be awkward to leave it at this.

You nudge the chair out, letting him sit down next to you. “Are you busy?” You ask, knowing it’s late at night but not late enough until practices usually end. “Just finished. Had some dinner.” He’s usually rambling when he’s asked questions, but maybe today tired him out. You can’t blame him, you were equally as drained. “You watched our episode?”

He huffs with a laugh. “Yeah. I saw the comments too. We’re everywhere.”

“Hope you don’t mind. The internet is crazy.”

“I’m aware of that. I don’t mind at all. Do you?”

You shake your head. “I don’t really care.”

A comfortable silence lingers over the two of you. It isn’t awkward in any way, merely the sounds of the machines behind the counter serving as background noise. “You really picked it up from me?”

“Huh?”

“That laugh. In Frost.”

He awkwardly chuckles. “Ah, well, it’s a bit strange to say it out loud but, when I was recording that part, I tried to envision what it was like in your shoes. All… cool and villain like.”

“You think I’m a villain?”

“Wrong word… more like dominant. When we were sent the sample recording, I could immediately see you doing the song as your own, like I could hear you doing the intro itself. When I imagined your vibe, that’s how it came out. Is that weird?”

“No, I love it. I can understand why you think that way. You did a great job, by the way. Really sweet of you to think of me like that. Your performance for that song too, fuckin’ sexy.” You cover your mouth, looking around and seeing no one else around. “Can I swear?”

He nods with a small laugh. “Sexy?” He asks. “If I’m being honest, you looked really fucking hot up there. Just saying.” His face goes warm, partly at the fact you called their performance ‘sexy’, but mostly at the fact you called him hot right to his face with no shame at all. “Are you flirting with me?”

“Take it how you will, I’m just telling the truth.” Your eyes meet his for the first time during the whole conversation. You break first and finish off your drink, his gaze enough to intimidate yet fluster you at the same time. “I’m gonna go now. Hopefully I run into you again.” You get up, about to leave when you feel a hand tugging on your sleeve, stopping you.

“Um, do you want me to walk you back? We live in the same building and all, I just– it’s dark out.” He rambles, a smile creeping up on your lips. “So you’re cute and you’re a gentleman? I really found the one.” It doesn’t directly answer his question, but the compliment has his heart racing faster than before. “Sure. Let’s go.”

As you walk back to the dorms, you manage to make small talk with Kai, filling in the silent gaps when needed. “I do appreciate your attention to detail.”

“For what?”

“When you were talking about my music. I really like hearing other people’s interpretations on them and what sticks out and such. I’ll be sure to write more ballads for you.” You start off, joking around. “I think it’s a bit funny you view me as someone higher and you’re casually hanging out with them right now. The only difference is that I debuted after you did.”

“You flattered me too much already tonight, Y/N. One more thing and I might just faint from your words alone.”

“Pleased to know I make such an impact on you.”

“You’ve made quite an impact on me for a while now.”

Unlocking your door, you tell Kai to wait outside for a moment, handing him a folded slip of paper. “Thank you for the peace, Kai. Goodnight.” You go to shut the door, opening it slightly again. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You add, Kai walking back to the elevator after you shut the door. He doesn’t unfold the slip until he reaches his own dorm, numbers written down.

It was your phone number, words written right below it.

I enjoyed talking to you tonight. Text me whenever, and hopefully we can talk like this again.

His mind goes back to your words from earlier. ‘Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.’

Was it because you called him hot and that he was more secluded on the way back? It was only because he didn’t know what to say after. What was he even supposed to say to that? Thank you? You too?

Before he went to bed, he added your number to his contacts, and hid the note in one of his drawers. He realized one thing, though.

You were definitely flirting with him.

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The elevator door opens, Hueningkai alerted by the ding and turning around to see who it was. Your hood was on, yet he still recognized you, messing around and simply staring at you the whole time to see how long it would take for you to notice.

You see him out of the corner of your eye as you put your phone away, sheepishly waving at him as he proudly waves back, gesturing for you to sit with him.

“Do you wanna see something?” He asks, which grabs your attention. You nod, Hueningkai taking out his phone and opening his emails, tapping on something else. He fully reveals the screen to you, showing photos of him modelling for a campaign. He scrolls through them, and you simply sit there, admiring how he glows in every single one.

“God, you look so good in all of them.” You mutter, hearing him giggle as he shuts his phone off. “You’re the first person to see them.”

“Really?” He nods, running his hand through his hair. “I feel so special.” You smile, wondering how his silly demeanour could turn into that in front of a camera. “Do you want me to send them to you?”

“Can you really do that? It already feels a bit illegal just looking at them.”

“No one needs to know.”

You huff, accepting his offer. “If you’re encouraging it.” He turns on his phone again, sending the photos to you with a ding. “Have you been busy today?” He asks, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Writing. Dancing. I’m performing for KBS, so I’ve been rehearsing. Speaking of which, I just had an idea.” He leans in closer, intrigued.

“Could you… record a few lines for me? It’s for my festival performance; it isn’t a lot, I swear. Just some dialogue. Whenever you aren’t busy, of course.”

“I’m available tomorrow.”

“Great! Cool, I’ll text you more about it. You’re on the setlist too, right?”

“Yeah. Just our title track.”

“Looking forward to it already.”

“What song are you covering, anyways?”

“U-Go-Girl, then transitioning to my title.” His eyes widen, remembering the dialogue that would have to be voiced over by him. “Oh.” Thinking about it alone is almost embarrassing, but he takes pride in the fact that he’s the first person you thought of to record such… important lines. “If you don’t want to, I can find someone else–“

“No, no! I can do it, yeah, I can. I want to. Sounds fun.” He cuts you off, sounding almost too excited. “You know what you’re getting yourself into and not just doing it because I asked.”

“Really, I’d be honoured. Playing a part in your performance.”

“Good. I’d have a hard time finding someone else then, anyways. Wasn’t planning on asking anybody else.”

“So I was first pick?”

You pause, looking for an answer. “You’d add your own little Hueningkai flair to it. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but you’re gonna help me make it stand out from the rest. And that’s exactly what I want.” You always had a thing for being different. Different in a good and influential way, in a way where you wouldn’t be compared to others, rather others were compared to you.

You yawn, covering your mouth and letting your head hang to the side. “Today must’ve taken a toll on you, huh?” You feel his sleeve briefly brush against your hood. “Dance was… hard today. I couldn’t get the moves right even though it’s the easiest dance to ever exist, my brain was mush, I was failing to comprehend anything– I did great in everything else but the performing, stage presence part of it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. We all have bad days, and it’s okay to feel horrible about it, but you learn to move on and improve. Trust me, I should know.” Kai advises reassuringly, his hand having a gentle grip on your shoulder. “Thanks, Kai. I just feel like a bit of a lazy ass not being able to do things at the pace I usually do.”

“You haven’t been overworking yourself, have you?”

“Not necessarily.”

“If you need to take a little break, take one. Better to be conscious to perform than not perform at all.” He jokes it off, even making you giggle a little as well. “I’ll take your advice to heart, Kai. Means a lot that you care.”

“You aren’t lazy, by the way. I’ve seen your performances and judging from how you exceed everyone’s expectations, you are far from that. You’re a hard worker, Y/N.”

“You really know how to flatter a woman, do you?” His face flushes on the spot, instantly a flustered mess. “Like you said, I’m just telling the truth.” He says, mostly spitting out words that he isn’t entirely sure of. “And you pay attention! My goodness, I’ll never find another guy like you. I’ll treasure you forever, Hueningkai.”

“Stop that…” He murmurs, still flustered and warm faced.

“Don’t be embarrassed! I mean it. I’ll never regret ever knowing you and being a friend of yours.” He only hides his face deeper into his hoodie, giggling as you take a sip of your drink. “Don’t fall in love yet, Huening, you should take me out on a date first.” You tease, finishing off your drink and tapping on his shoulder as you get up to leave “Don’t make false accusations, you’ll get in trouble for that.” He follows behind you, throwing away his own cup.

“I really did appreciate the advice, though. Maybe I was a bit too harsh on myself. I promise I’ll try to be more self aware.” You look up at him with a nod as the elevator doors close with a ding, and he nods back, giving you a thumbs up.

When you arrive at your dorm, you finally figure out a time. “Are you free at 3 tomorrow?” You ask. “For what?”

“For recording, duh. Was this not the first thing we talked about?”

“It was actually the second thing.”

“Okay, smartass, that was rhetorical.” You laugh it off, waiting for his confirmation. “Yeah, I am. I’ll take some time out of my practice for it.”

“I can do it sometime else if you’re busy, then–“

“Y/N, I’m practicing all week, it’s fine. You won’t get my recording in time if you were to do it when my schedule isn’t actually packed. I’ll let them know, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“Fine, but if I get a complaint that pulling you out of practice was unprofessional I’m blaming you.”

He chuckles. “Fair enough.”

“See you tomorrow, then?” You peek your head out the door at him, tiredly staring at him. “See you. Get some rest, Y/N.”

“You too, Kai.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Hueningkai steps out of his practice, following the directions you gave him through text, seeing a few staff members outside the recording booth. They let him in, shutting the door and putting on the given headphones. “Hi Kai. You ready? Need water or anything?” You’re sitting in the producer’s booth at the computer with another staff member.

“I’m good.”

“I’ll play the sample recording for you. Unless you want to go straight into it?”

“Sample.”

Kai had a way of mimicry that you admired. It stayed true to the original, but his voice made it stand out the exactly how you wanted it to, that he got it only after the second recording. You play it back to him, this time layered on top of your main vocals, the part transitioning to your song being the most prominent section where his voice really stands out. “Do you wanna rerecord anything? Personally I think this is the take.”

“Then I’m good.”

You frown at the way he describes himself, even though he isn’t entirely wrong. “Alright, then that’s it. Thanks for coming in.”

“Should I see you later today?” He asks, the other staff member looking at you. “Yeah, sure. Just get back, I feel I’ve taken you for too long already.” Hueningkai begins to tear bits off the lyric sheet, the sound of it reverberating in the room you’re in. You simply watch as he rolls the bits into tiny crumpled balls, leaving them on the stand.

“At least clean up after yourself. You can walk a girl home but can’t pick up your own trash?” You joke, Kai’s ears going red as he takes the bits with him, muttering a goodbye before leaving the room. “You’re close with him?” The staff asks, finicking with the audio.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing. You two seemed to just click instantly. Do you wanna hear how it sounds now?”

As the sky darkens, you wait for a response from Hueningkai almost too eagerly, checking your phone every time it buzzed in your pocket, hoping it was him. You stopped by your rendezvous, just to take a seat and listen to the recording over and over again; it was that good that you wanted to put it on loop and just admire it as many times as you could.

“Boo!”

Hueningkai pounces on you, his hands grasping your shoulders to make you jump. “Kai– do not do that! If I had a drink in my hand right now, I would’ve thrown it at your face.”

“So mean!”

“Reflexes.”

He sits down next to you, leaning in to see what took up all your attention that you didn’t notice him lurking behind you. “Wanna listen? It’s the backup vocals for my performance.” You offer him an earbud as he accepts, playing up until the transition. “And that’s most of it. For now.”

“Feels a little bit wrong to get early access to this.”

“It was only part of it. And now you know how I felt when I saw those photos of you.”

“They’re up now, so nothing to worry about. I saw your messages but that was during water break, so I didn’t get to respond. Figured I’d find you here.”

“I felt like giving up and going back to the dorms. This was a last resort.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to even text you afterwards. Slipped my mind.”

“It’s fine. This is all I wanted to show you anyways.”

He pauses for a moment, staring at the ground trying to remember what it was about the KBS festival he was going to say. “Oh! Right, I just remembered I was gonna tell you something.”

“What is it?”

He leans in closer and whispers something.

“I’m dying my hair.”

“Really? What colour?”

“Brown. Then after the festival, black.”

“Are you getting a new concept?” He nods excitedly, his grin unable to be contained. “I will keep my mouth shut. But I’m excited to see what’s to come!”

“I think you’ll like it. We’ll be working on recordings after the festival.”

“Oh?” You were intrigued. “I’ll like it?”

“It seems like something you’d enjoy, at least. I’m hoping you will.”

“Now you have me wanting to know more. You know this is very unprofessional of you, speaking about your group’s plans with another colleague.” You poke fun at him, leaning in. “I’m speaking to you as a friend, not a business partner. And with how much unreleased information we’ve been sharing with each other, it’s safe to say that we are more than just business partners.”

“I feel like a schoolgirl sharing secrets with someone.” You giggle, Kai’s smile growing. “I heard somewhere they call you Hyuka, can I call you that?” Why did the name sound so perfect when it rolled off your tongue? He did his best to stop his face from heating up and replied. “Yeah. You can.”

“It’s cute. I like it.”

He doesn’t reply, avoiding eye contact with you and simply replying with a nod. “You really get flustered over the smallest things, don’t you? Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Maybe it’s because I can’t believe the Y/N keeps flirting with me. Not very professional of you.”

“Oh, the irony! It’s corroding my heart…” You overdramatize, earning a snicker from the boy seated beside you. “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop. I hope you know that wasn’t my intention.”

“I know. And it doesn’t. If anything, my heart beats so fast that I just can’t think of anything to say to you because I’m so focused on the fact my heart is racing in my ears.”

“So you like it?”

“I mean, who wouldn’t want to be called cute by the L/N Y/N? If anything, I’m lucky enough to be talking with you like this.”

“Now you’re the one flirting with me?” You laugh, checking your phone. “I have an interview tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous.”

“Why? You’re always great in interviews. You’re comedic, you’re stylish–“

“It’s one where the MC asks questions to get under your skin. Like a hot seat.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not… I’m not very open with my personal life. I don’t usually talk about it. He might go that far.”

“Can you not cancel?”

“Too late now. I was booked for it but didn’t care to ask what it was about since I was too busy with other things.” You feel his hand rub your shoulder reassuringly, giving you a look that said ‘it’s gonna be okay’. You sheepishly smile, his hand not leaving you for as long as you stay with him. “I just don’t want to get into controversy right before that big performance. It’s gonna ruin my confidence and my performance is gonna be shit and when I look back on it I’m gonna hate myself–“

“Y/N, you’re gonna be okay. Your fanbase would understand wholeheartedly if they are really fans of yours. They would defend you until the end of the line. Have you seen what they can do? It’s a bit terrifying.” He says, making you chuckle. “I get why you’re so nervous, but if the episode is that bad, they’d have a reason to not stream it.”

Hueningkai’s words stay with you the entire night leading up to the interview, where you’re seated in the chair and the cameras are rolling. The questions start off innocent at first, typical questions you’d get on any other interview.

“What is it like being a role model for newer idols?”

“What is your favourite performance outfit so far?”

“Is there a specific place you’d like to go to for a world tour or concert?”

Then it slowly started getting more… iffy.

“Do you have a ghost writer?”

“Did Bighit force you into the ‘sexy’ concept when you turned 19?”

“How many times have you cried over your duties as an idol?”

When it got into relationships with others, however, that’s where you drew the line.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend before?” The MC asks with a shameless smile on his face. “No.”

“Is there anyone you have your eyes on right now? A celebrity crush?”

Your face begins to burn red, your heart pounding so loud and fast you can hear it in your ears, and you’re struggling to spit out logical answers.

“Not in particular.”

“Sunghoon from Enhypen? You two are known to be close friends. Is he your type?”

“Please don’t bring my friends into this.”

“P1Harmony, what was his name… Jiung!“

“I don’t–“

“What about Hueningkai, the boy from TXT? Ever since that interview, people have been endorsing you two as a pair.”

“I don’t think you should be dictating someone to fulfill my relationship status. You have absolutely no power over me and my relationships with others, and God knows everything about me and my friends while you don’t, so keep your mouth shut.”

The whole room goes silent. You’re holding back tears and you want to swear at him so bad, but this seemed to be impactful enough already, so your eyes stare daggers into his soul, as if they pierced through his heart to make it stop beating. “Well, you certainly live up to your fiesty trait.” He laughs off, switching to the final cue card.

At the end, in your dressing room, you’re so overwhelmed with humiliation and embarrassment, the tears that couldn’t escape your eyes begin to flood again as you pull out your phone, the first person to come to mind being Hueningkai.

hyuka

are you there?

hiii!!!

how did it go?

horrible

it all went to shit

oh… are you okay?

can i see you later? same place?

sure, ill be there by 9

Your hood is on for the rest of the day, pace relentlessly fast as you walk into the headquarters. The face ID for the elevator can barely recognize you with how much you’re trying to hold back from crying, and you avoid any eye contact with the staff that join you in the small space. You finally look up when you reach the 19th floor, seeing Hueningkai turned around and looking at you, and you begin to break down then and there.

“Woah, Y/N…” He runs over, catching you before you can fall on your knees. “What happened? What did he ask?” You feel like shit knowing Kai is trying to help you, but you aren’t able to say anything because you’re so overwhelmed with tears and how embarrassing you look crying in front of him.

“Do you want to come to my place and we can talk about it? Or do you want to go to yours? The boys are just practicing vocals so it’ll be just us, no need to worry about someone overhearing.” He’s so extremely patient with you, making you cry even more. You point at him, meaning you want to go to his place, because it was the first thing that came to mind. “But what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m only worried about you.”

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who does he think he is???

i cannot believe the staff did not notice how uncomfy y/n was even after she yelled at them

the fact he just laughed it off like what?

this was so incredibly disrespectful, i dont even know how this show is still up

who is allowing this to be aired theres clearly something wrong with this

he knew he crossed a line and did not care how stupid can you be

i knew there was something off about this

imagine being scolded by y/n id disappear off the face of the planet forever

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You sat quiet in your waiting room, scrolling through the posts on social media all written about you and that damn interview. You knew you were in the right, and you hoped everyone else knew that too. Luckily, they did. They didn’t bash you for anything, their dissatisfaction going towards the MC and the show.

You received endless support and praise for standing up for yourself and putting the host in his place, and you were so incredibly relieved for that. You watched the show broadcasting patiently on the TV in your room, TXT’s title track beginning to play. You were so fixated on it that you almost forgot you were going on next, the staff calling you backstage.

When their performance ends and they come offstage, you clap and cheer for all of them as they pass by, waving at Hueningkai enthusiastically when you see him. “Hyuka!” Even under the dim light, you see him with a tired smile as he runs over to you. “Wow…” He looks at you, eyes trailing over your outfit. “You look good.”

“I could say the same for you.” Maybe it was the lighting, or how nervous you were, but seeing your friend post-performance trying to catch his breath, sweat dripping down his face, his cheeky smile as his gaze with those tired eyes doesn’t waver from yours, you knew it was wrong to be thinking such things. But he looked hot. Really hot.

“I’ll see you in your room?” You ask, and he nods, head turning away first and eyes last. God, he had a gaze that could kill you.

The metronome begins playing in your earpiece once you’re on stage, and you let your confidence take control. Hyuka’s voice plays in your ear, and if you’re being honest, the one thing that usually runs through your mind is thinking about how cool you are to be on stage and performing for such a large audience. Did it make you seem like you were full of yourself? A little bit. Did you care? No.

When the song changes, so does the mood. The lights change colour and are different brightnesses, and so does your outfit. You discard your jacket and the skirt you’re wearing, adorning a matching pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt, and a fishnet longsleeve underneath. Your title track begins, and the crowd screams so loud you can hear them over your instrumental.

After the rush of adrenaline from being able to make the crowd scream louder than ever, you walk offstage, saying thank you to all the staff as you pass by. You make a quick pitstop to your room, grabbing a few things before trying to find TXT’s. The next performers pass by and give you cheer silently, and you can’t help but smile back despite your exhaustion. You knock on their door, a staff member opening it. “Hi Y/N. How come you aren’t in your room right now?”

“Is it okay if I come in?”

“Is that Y/N?” Someone asks.

“Y/N!?” Another voice asks, who you can recognize as Hueningkai. The staff member moves aside, and there’s Hyuka, standing behind him with that goofy smile on his face. He pulls you in for an unexpected, brief hug, looking at you all thrilled. “Your performance was amazing! You looked so good up there, and the transition and your execution–“ He’s so excited that he just jumps around with glee, and you manage to laugh at his enthusiasm.

You take a seat on the empty couch with a content sigh, Hyuka then sitting next to you. “I loved your performance too. The brown hair suits you.” The colour made him look younger as if he wasn’t already, innocence along with it. “I like it. I wish you’d keep it.”

“You should’ve seen my in my group’s Magic era.”

“Do you have photos? It’s been a while since I’ve last seen it.” He pulls out his phone, photos of him from that time showing up after mere seconds of him typing it in. “You looked so cute! And so much younger…”

“We were both 17 that time, so obviously. I saw your concept during this time too. You looked cute too.”

A part of you wants to believe that he means it. Another part of you is making you think that he’s just saying it to be nice since you do that to him all the time. “So you’re saying that I’m not cute now?” You ask rhetorically, letting him search for his answer. “I’m saying that you’ve always been cute. How’s that?”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” He’s looking at you so sternly that you want to believe him, and the fact he hasn’t broken out into laughter probably means that you should. “Soobin, Hueningkai is flirting with Y/N.” Beomgyu says, making you the first to break eye contact with him. “Don’t make her uncomfortable, Hueningkai.” His leader says, lounging in his chair.

“I think she likes it.”

“I do not.”

“Then why is your face so red? You don’t see me all flustered when you call me cute.”

“Actually, I do. We’re even.”

You both sit there in silence, Hueningkai scrolling on his phone mindlessly, lurking on his social media. He opens his camera to check and fix his hair, but notices you in frame, your eyes shut and head on his shoulder. You fell asleep on him.

He’s frozen in place, unsure what to do. He doesn’t move for as long as your rest on him, merely going back on his phone with a quiet chuckle. He snuck a few photos with you, and looking at them he realized that you were still as cute as he called you, even while you were asleep. When he looked up from his phone, he saw Yeonjun with his camera facing the two of you, fingers tapping on the screen.

“What are you doing?” Hyuka asks, Yeonjun immediately putting his phone away. “Nothing.” He lies, going back to using it as normal. You don’t stay asleep for long, being called back to your room by one of the other staff members. When you leave the room, Kai gets a text from Yeonjun, odd being that they were merely across the room from each other. He opens it to reveal a few images and even a video of the two of you together.

“Look at Hueningkai… Y/N is sleeping on his shoulder. Our maknae has really grown up and his crush is resting with him, they’re so cute. Saving this for when they date in the future.”

You nearly doze off in your own waiting room until your phone buzzes in your hand, a text from Hyuka appearing. It’s photos of the two of you, mostly of you sleeping on his shoulder while Hyuka is on his phone or taking selfies with you.

you looked so peaceful i felt bad when i had to wake you up

were you about to sleep in your room? im sorry if i woke you up again :(

ah its okay

who took the other photos?

yeonjun

were you just on your phone the entire time

i didn’t wanna wake you up!

can i come back

im not sure let me ask

👍

no u cant cuz the show is almost over

aw man

we’ll talk tomorrow! its my off day so we have all the time in the world

you’re over exaggerating a little bit

only a little bit

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Y/NS PERFORMANCE MY LORD

SHE LITERALLY ATE THAT UP

she proved that flop of an mc wrong

is that hueningkai’s voice in the background??

GUYS AM I TRIPPING OR IS THAT HYUKA

hueningkai doing the dialogue for y/n’s cover is something i didnt know i needed

r they like best friends off screen because that’d literally be so cute like y/n asking hyuka to do the vocals for her

they sound so good together omg

collab when?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2022

You were close with Hueningkai. You talked a lot, you hung out a lot, you even did media promotions with him, and you had little inside jokes that no one seemed to get, which made them funnier.

You two also had a tendency to… flirt with each other.

You could never see if he was being serious or not, and he’d never tell you afterwards and just move on. You’d do the same, which was only fair, but you really wanted to know if he meant it. Sometimes you wished he did. Other times you didn’t care.

You did lives together, mostly consisting of gossip and eating snacks, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You even walked in on him once in the middle of one, and was unofficially invited as a guest.

You did promotional content with each other, and had a lot of pictures together in your camera roll. You almost lost important screenshots and info because of it. But every time you opened your gallery, you smiled, seeing pictures of him and the two of you messing around together reminding that there was more to life than just work.

It’s officially known by everyone, you and Hueningkai were best friends. Two peas in a pod, doing a lot of things together when you both were free. You were being shipped together, and while you were worried it made him uncomfortable, you also kind of liked it. Which begun the spiral of thoughts: did you have a crush on him?

You felt even more like a schoolgirl talking about it with your friends, except you were left alone with your own thoughts. You only flirted with each other about what, hundreds of times? He’d pat your back to calm you down, hold your hand if he noticed you shaking, run his fingers through your hair when you’d ramble, hug you when you need it, wipe off any crumbs that were left at the corner of your mouth…

He had comebacks that made your face go red, snarky replies and comments that made your heart race more than anything else, he looked hot when he was performing, like, really hot, he made sure you were the first person to see his unpublished modeling photos (all of them drove you crazy), he looked really pretty with contact lenses, he was the only person that could leave you stuttering and scrambling for words…

The list went on and on. And the more things you found out you liked about him, the more the answer became clear. You liked him. You liked your best friend.

Sure, he’s told you before that you were his celebrity crush, but that’s different. You liked him on a personal level, a level that could make or break your relationship with each other, and that was what scared you the most. You really liked him, to the point where if he rejected you, you’d go dark for a few days trying to recover.

You wanted to tell him so bad. Every time you tried, your heart would race uncontrollably and you couldn’t choke out a single word. It was almost embarrassing how flustered his simple actions made you, let alone on a livestream.

“I told my sisters about you.” He says, staring up at the clear, starlit sky. “Really?”

“My younger sister is a big fan of you, actually. She debuted this year. Older has plans to, and she says you’re really cool.”

“Tell them I say thank you. What group is your younger sister a part of?”

“Kep1er. Bahiyyih?”

“You did that Tiktok with her, I remember. You guys look scarily alike.”

“We really don’t.” You glare at him, straight faced. Hueningkai looks at you, face illuminated by the lights hidden underneath the plant fixtures. “You look pretty.” He thinks aloud, knowing you heard judging from the expression on your face.

You laugh. “I know.” You expect him to laugh the same, but his face doesn’t seem to change in any way. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“I always have been. You just never see it that way.”

“Oh.” You’re struck with a pang of guilt, cursing yourself internally. “You weren’t just being nice?”

“I meant every word I said. I hope you’re taking me seriously right now.”

It seems like I’m not, but I am. I really am.

“This is awfully bold of you, Hyuka.”

“I really like you, Y/N. How’s that for bold?”

He was being serious, unphased with genuine, meaningful eyes. “You always stayed by my side, even when I was feeling down. You remember the little things about me; my drink orders, the snacks I get, my habits, and merely being able to see you makes my day a whole lot better.”

You’re standing there, mouth slightly hanging, unable to say anything. The words are stuck in your throat, and you want to say something, but you feel like you’re gonna faint if you speak a single word.

“I… I can’t…” You’re too embarrassed to face him, knowing his eyes are on you. “I need to go…” You mutter, hand brushing over his for a second before leaving him unanswered on the silent, dimly lit rooftop.

You’re running down the stairs, mashing the buttons on the elevators, messily typing in your key code, falling to your knees once you step foot in your dorm. You’re coughing so much from your horribly paced breathing, and the pain adds to your tears, slowly trailing down your face.

Why were you crying? You didn’t deserve to cry. You were the one that hurt him, leaving him there because you were a coward. It hurt like hell. You barely managed to clean yourself up, falling asleep the second your head hits your pillow.

Practice the following day was straightforward, but you still felt empty. You would’ve gotten a text from Hyuka already, but the only messages there are the ones from yesterday. It hurts to see it so empty, and you want to talk to him, but what if he already hated you?

Entering the elevator, you run into Taehyun and his hooded mop of black hair. “Hi Y/N.” He greets. You tip your head to greet him, guilty for being able to talk to one of Hyuka’s friends and not him himself. “You should go talk to him. He skipped out on practice today.”

“Does he hate me?”

He scoffs. “Hueningkai could never hate you. You made his life 100 times better, according to him.” He pauses and sighs as the elevator nears the floor to the cafeteria. “Even for a few hours, he really didn’t seem like himself. If anything, he’s wondering if you hate him.”

As the door opens and Taehyun steps off, you get a text from Hueningkai.

im sorry.

forget i said anything.

“Shit.” You mutter, Taehyun eyeing you the entire time until the doors close. It’s one swift ride down to the bottom floor, and again, you run, but this time faster than you did the day before, spamming the buttons on the elevator and going to his floor. You stop in front of his door, knocking on it and ringing the doorbell. “Hueningkai? It’s me.” You say. No answer.

“Hyuka? Please, can we talk?” You plead, not hearing anything from the inside. You spam his messages instead, calling him 10 times before giving up. You then remembered accidentally peeking at him entering his dorm code, but you forced yourself to forget it for the sake of his privacy. Given he wasn’t answering, you forced yourself to remember.

He jokingly scolded you that day before shutting the door, but what did he type before that?

Your faded memory punches in the series of numbers you picked out, the door suddenly unlocking. You look around, seeing an empty hallway before shutting the door and locking it, taking your shoes off and running to his room. “Hyuka?” You call, hearing muffled sniffles from a distance. That had to be him.

You didn’t bother knocking. You opened to door, seeing Hueningkai’s face all messed with tears, puffy red eyes, and his arms clinging tightly to one of his stuffed animals. His eyes widened before he hid his face with a tissue. You walk over to him, helping him wipe his face with the tissues. You quickly get up and rush to his kitchen, refilling the glass of water on the floor beside his bed.

He’s calmed down by the time you get back, accepting the glass and drinking half of it. “How did you get in?” He asks, voice hoarse. “You typed in the code once and I accidentally saw. I took a shot in the dark.” You hold his face in your hands, warming them, wiping away a fallen tear with a stroke of your thumb. He clearly didn’t remember. “I’m sorry–“

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

You sigh, heart pounding in your ears. “I was a coward for running away. It was stupid.” He chuckles. “I don’t even know why I’m crying, I just started thinking of you, and everything I’ve lost, and…” He cuts himself off, knowing he’d start crying again if he said anything else. “I’m right here. You haven’t lost anything.”

You move his hair out of his face, and all you can do is look at him. His post crying face, rosy and glistening, a content smile on his face. “I like you too, Hyuka. Your duality, your laugh, your carefulness, your personality…” You begin to look at the smaller details on his face. “Your eyes, your lashes, your jawline…”

“Your lips.”

The crank holding the two of you finally snaps, and you’re fully drawn to him.

You kiss him, and everything feels just right, sensing his surprise through the noise he made at the sudden action. It’s a first for both of you, so you could be as awkward as you needed to while learning how to kiss each other. But you were fast learners, and you got the hang of it quickly.

He pulls you closer by the waist, holding you close to him as you straddle his hips, kissing you fervently. So fervently that you swear you hear him moan in between a few kisses, and you try not to enjoy it as much as you do. Pulling away for a second to admire him, the way his chest heaves as he’s out of breath, his eyes doing the pleading for him.

You lean in closer. “Do you like being like this?” You ask, forehead against his, lips grazing over his own. “Mhm.” Your hand holds his face again, warm and tempting. “Is this what you’ve wanted?” He nods again. “For how long?”

“Too long.”

His lips are back on yours, dominant and hungry. He was the only one that could restrain you like this, and for once, you didn’t mind not being in control. His kisses move down to your neck, feeling him smirk after eliciting a groan from you.

“You can’t…” You start, feeling him stop and pull away. “People will see. We can’t risk it.”

Being in the industry meant that lying out of hickeys was nonexistent. Dating scandals would come abuzz and the only thing people would ask you for the next few weeks was who gave you that purple mark on your neck.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

The door suddenly opens, and you’re met with a shaken Beomgyu, eyes wide and jaw dropped. You immediately get off of Hueningkai, putting your hood back on and sitting on the side of the bed, gesturing zipped lips to the poor boy. “Soobin! They’re– they’re… Y/N’s here!” Beomgyu rephrases, a better choice of words than what you assumed he’d say.

“I’m sorry. That was a dick move of me.”

“It was. All I wanted was closure, and I got it, so it’s okay.”

His hand rests on top of yours. “Can I be your boyfriend, Y/N?” You blush, face hot as if you weren’t just making out with him a few minutes ago. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. But what about our label?”

“You’re closer with Bang than I am. Could you talk to him?” You nod, kissing him one last time before leaving, avoiding eye contact with Soobin and Beomgyu on the way out. You bump into Taehyun on the way to the door. He looks at you with a smile, following with an affirmative nod and letting you go.

Taehyun budges through the border of Soobin and Beomgyu at his own bedroom door, Yeonjun peeking over and seeing Hueningkai all red and smiley. “What happened?” The oldest asks, eyes still on the youngest.

“Y/N happened.” Soobin answers, Yeonjun’s gaze locked on the maknae. Maybe it was his older brother genes that he noticed something different than the Hueningkai he saw this morning, but judging from the fact you walked out with your hood on, Hyuka’s shirt being slightly crumpled, his blanket gathered at the footboard, some of his plushies fallen out of place, and slight tinges of pink on and surrounding his mouth, he deduced you two had a little bit of fun.

“Took him long enough.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2023

Your relationship was smooth sailing as it ever could be with your schedules. A member of your team had to arrange a meeting with Bang discussing the relationship between you and Hueningkai. Keeping it a secret would have been the better option, but knowing Hyuka, he’d still show you off to everyone even if being scolded to keep quiet about it for hours on end.

Bang said he ‘had a hunch’ from the first interview, not showing any objection, but naming the risks and controversies that would come with the publicity of your romance. You two were too lovestruck to care about public opinions, but you still were wary of your interactions with each other, Hueningkai especially, knowing that getting into a scandal only involving himself would bring the group down with him.

You two were content with the way things were, but Hyuka tended to have the mindset of, ‘if it happens, it happens’ despite being so cautious, and you’re sure the staff members at Music Bank saw the two of you being intimate in the halls because your boyfriend just had to kiss your forehead at that time, no sooner or later.

Rumors started to arise, given how close the two of you had become. You were always close, but this time you were much closer. There were a lot of behind the scenes cameras at music shows, sometimes catching the two of you in the background together. Once you were even caught with Hyuka taking a nap on your thighs, and that only further proved the existence of the two of you dating.

The one time you decide not to wear a mask and just your hat, paparazzi caught the two of you holding hands on the way back, those gossip articles really planting all previous evidence as if their life was on the line.

Both of you never confirmed anything to the public. You simply just moved on with your lives as if nothing ever happened. It was brought up in a few interviews, but you managed to avoid answering questions on terms of your relationship, using the excuse of privacy.

It was surprising to everyone when they saw a video uploaded on TXT’s channel titled something along the lines of: ‘Hueningkai’s first date’, you couldn’t remember it off the top of your head. But you did vividly remember officially stating that the two of you were going out, and have been going out for a while.

The feedback was, as far as you knew, positive. Being dubbed as ‘the duo we’ve been waiting for’ or ‘netizens’ favourite couple’, you mostly appreciated the fact that you didn’t receive any threats, and only a loss of some fans. Maybe people just couldn’t handle the fact that you two looked so damn good together.

“What are you watching?” Hueningkai asks from the kitchen, seeing you staring at your phone intensely. “Your interview. You’re throwing away your plushies? But I got you one.”

“I’m keeping yours, of course. I’m getting rid of my hoarding habits, so I don’t really want anymore as gifts. Yours will always have a special place in my heart, and I’m never gonna get rid of it.”

“Can I at least keep one?” He considers it for a moment, then nods. “Sure. Which?” You don’t even have to think about it. “Honey.”

“Really?”

“You let me hold him when you invited me here so I could cry and rant after that shitty interview. So that one will also have a special place in my heart. It was also the first one you offered to me. Maybe when I’m alone and I have it in my arms I’ll think of you.”

“You can have him, since he means that much to you.” The sink turns off, shaking the water off his hands and drying them, going to his room and retrieving his, well, now your stuffed animal. The moment you hold it, your thoughts are flooded with nothing but of Hueningkai, despite the fact he took a seat right next to you, placing an arm around your shoulders.

“Jesus, you look fuckin’ sexy in these photos.” You say, zooming in and saving them to your camera roll shamelessly. “Speak for yourself. Front cover on Vogue? You looked so beautiful in those photos. I’m so incredibly lucky.”

You put your phone down, turning to hear his answer. “How so?”

“That you’re my girlfriend. That I get to be your boyfriend. That I get to see your beautiful face every single day, and that I know little things about you that others don’t.”

You chuckle. “I want to kiss you so bad, but the others are gonna come back soon and God knows we won’t be able to stop.” His hand gracefully holds your jaw, his finger tracing along your jawline to let himself move his face closer to yours. He speaks in a whisper.

“Then don’t.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

if you’re really, really tired, i want to hug you and pat you to sleep. i just miss you, even right now. 🎧

#hueningkai #huening kai #hueningkai x reader #hueningkai x y/n #txt #txt huening kai #hueningkai txt #tomorrow x together #tomorrow by together #huening kai x reader #huening kai x you #txt x reader #fluff #txt fluff #fanfiction #idek im downbad

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hrd2swllwpill · 1 year

Note

I think you have an extreme misconception of things. A majority of gay men who write about m/m ships aren’t being fetishistic. You seem to forget the reality that gay people are still an oppressed people. Some people take a lot of comfort in seeing two people being able to have a type of romance and sexual activity as a type of liberating freedom. You might think it’s just fetishization, but a majority of fetishizing typically comes from people who find it hot to see gay men fucking, which is gross. The one person who has been posting nsfw content of Jeland is not one of those people, far from the fact actually. They’ve posted headcanons and had discussions of the characters identities. They have spoken on the fact they are not attempting to indulge in any kind of 2D ‘this is hot and sexy’ type behaviour. I’m sure you’ve seen other people doing this kind of thing because it comes with the territory of people who do gay ship content. I would suggest however getting to know the people and understanding that a lot of them are gay men expressing themselves. That doesn’t make them fetishistic. If you are incapable of respecting them for doing that then perhaps you need to stay out of the Jeland tag and find better things to do. I’m not being mean, if my tone gets read off like that. I just think some people are far too quick to jump to conclusions on situations they haven’t entirely educated themselves on.

Dude idek who you're talking about, im talkin about in general lmao, it isn't just for tcm either its every fandom. Idk who any of these people are, i don't converse with people in fandoms for a reason. If theyre not doing it for that reason then why be offended it's said when its not about you? like. also its sounding like you're saying gay men cant fetishize their own community, because they can. It's a thing. Im not even in the "Jeland" tag lmao, im trying to browse tumblr at my own pace, i just try to find art of johnny that i can enjoy. unfortunately sometimes im subjecting to seeing other peoples uncomfortable shipping. :shrug!!!:

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sevensity · 7 years

Note

you know, cactus dicc is like a badly designed dildo...

shhhhh some people might actually like prickly extra textured exotic dickus we must not discriminate between dildo preferences!!!11!!11!

#but seriously OUCH can u imagine #i don't even want to begin thinking about it #but i mean hey #freedom of expression? idek #if u wanna shove spiky shit up ur cahooties go for it #im just gonna stay here and pray #for your vaginal salvation #cuz ripperoni man that thing ain't ever gonna work again #OH HEY SUPER OFF TOPIC BUT IM MAKING A CAKE!!!!! :) :) :)#senpai responds #tskazane

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birthisacurse-and · 3 years

Text

I'm generally understanding and accepting of everyone's beliefs, backgrounds, cultures, and identities, but one of the only things I just can't not be passive aggressive towards is religion, and I can't decide if this is something I should get rid of or not. Doesn't matter what religion, either. Christianity, al Abrahamic religions, any polytheistic religion, Satanism, paganism, organized or not- whatever. I will find some reason to utterly detest it.

#dont get me wrong #i am vehemently opposed to anti-religion hate #i believe in the freedom of religion #and ppl should have the right to practice and express the religious beliefs they see fit without fear of oppression or persecution #unless that religion is materially harmful to others #but still #i am so anti religion man idek why really?#i get why im anti christianity (personal baggage)#and anti islam (watching my friends get abused under it)#but like ppl talk ab daoism or hinduism or paganism or indigenous beliefs or animism to me #and im still like nah bruh respectfully screw off #ugh anyways #to delete #delete later #random ramblings

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the-wild-candy · 3 years

Text

PAC - How will your future spouse realise that they are in love with you?

This pac also includes a small letter from your future spouse + a channeled song.

Some piles have NSFW messages (just a little). Don't interact if it makes you uncomfortable.

How to pick a pile - Which pile piques your curiosity the most? Choose the letter you would want to read first if it was in front of you. (Use intuition)

This is for entertainment purposes only. Take what resonates, leave what doesn't.

Pile 1

"If I were to touch a rose each and every day just to bleed by its thorns, then I would. I would, for you. God, you've such mesmerizing eyes. They drive me crazy".

Your person used to focus on the negative things in life. Maybe they didn't talk much or appeared 'cold' to many people. They realised that they are in love with you when all of that changed for the better.

You're their sunshine. You will bring them a lot of happiness, warmth and joy. Your person also thinks that you're very hot. But it took them a while to get to this conclusion since they are someone who keeps their shit to themselves.

Your person will reflect upon their own thoughts. They'll know that answers lie deep within them. They will use logic to comprehend their feelings (idek how that's possible).

They might even think of asking you out/proposing you but irl your person will be very nervous but they won't show it at all. They will know that you're the one they love when they start feeling more positive because you will bring them that radiant and vibrant energy.

𝟶:𝟶𝟶 ──◍───── 𝟷:𝟹𝟶

Pile 2

"You make me fantasize about all those unknown things in life. You see that little bird in the sky? So free. So happy. 'Uncaged'. That's how you make me feel. Like you're my freedom".

Your person will think that all of this was fated. It was meant to happen. They might see dreams about you which will leave them confused.

I got the lovers for you :"3 your person will eventually realise that they are in love with you. They might kinda ignore their work because they'll be so drowned in their own thoughts and emotions.

One thing might worry them here and its whether you feel the same about them or not. They might end up taking some rash decisions in general because they wouldn't know anything about your feelings and therefore, things will move a little slowly.

Your person is big on stability and savings. They might follow a conservative approach here. Once they are sure about your feelings they'll be very assertive and bold. They'll be clear with their words. They might even express more. They'll tell you what they wanna do to you. Possibly, they'll tell you way too much.

𝟶:𝟶𝟶 ──◍───── 2:𝟹𝟶

Pile 3

TW - a little NSFW

"I go a little insane. You make me go insane. Do you have any idea what you do to me? I need somebody, I need you".

I heard - Thirsty and wild. Raw. Sexually frustrated. Beastly.

After a huge argument. Your person will realise that they love you when they'll realise that they are on the brink of losing you. Your person can be an extrovert but at that very moment/phase of their life, they'll talk less and will appear more like an introvert.

It will be chaotic. They might have been very attracted to you physically but they didn't realise how far they went with attraction.

Their love is extreme. Not only you, but they themselves would need a time out to process what they are thinking. It will be like an imperfect balance.

They might talk to their mother/some motherly figure in their life about you :"3 and that person will help them analyze how they really feel. Your person will actually come to their senses by then and literally put you on a pedestal. You will be critical of them at first but it will go well.

Your person likes it rough and they love your tits/chest area.

𝟶:𝟶𝟶 ──◍───── 3:𝟹𝟶

Credit to @anon for this pac idea and all those who actually wrote these letters + pinterest <3

#the wild candy #pac #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot readings #future spouse #fs #love #soulmate #letters #love letters #spotify #Spotify

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mueritos · 2 years

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matteo can i have ur input. i see this asked alot on trans blogs but i always get contradictory answers and idek anymore whats true @__@ how much sensitivity does one lose after top surgery? saw a guy say he could feel his nipples just fine on the NEXT DAY and some other dude who couldnt feel shit after years post op. i just wanna know if ill have to say goodbye to my nipple feelings or not T__T

hi friend! the reason why you seem to find contradictory answers is literally because surgery is surgery, and everyone responds to it different. Nipple sensitivity may not matter for some people, so many of us may express to our surgeons this and while they dont intentionally try to cut the nerves there, it does allow them the freedom to. There are people who really express to their surgeons that they want to retain as much sensitivity as possible, so their surgeons keep this in mind. It also depends on the surgery! Inverted T and keyhole methods seem to be the ones that retain the most sensitivity as they cut around the nipple and leave it attached, instead of cutting the nipple off and then grafting it after the breast tissue is removed like in double incision. And again, everyone heals differently, and complications as well as healing times will impact sensitivity. Very rarely will you loose complete sensations of your nipples though, as nerves take months to a few years to repair and grow back, so people find sensation returns later down the line. But again, you should be able to work with your surgeon on things like this, and your surgeon should be able to make you feel comfortable that they can ensure to keep your wants in mind :)

#muertoresponds #personally i have a lot of sensation so i didnt lose much #but i am a yr out and i did get more sensation as time went on #but there was a period where if u touched my nipple i wouldnt b able to feel it so that was fun haha #top surgery

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fiisheyes · 3 years

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I love that you’re into astrology. Same same. I’ve done me and Liam and we would HATE each other lmaooo. Whyyy??

OKAY its been like a month but i still wanted to look over this so thanks for bearing with me (-:

im going to kinda jump between placements/aspects so this might be a bit confusing..

your mars in liams 2nd house

QUESTION are you significantly attracted to his voice.... not necessarily his way of expressing/speech patterns but like the sound of his voice the grumbles the texture the depth or whatever etc. if not then im just wrong but mars is your sexual attraction and the 2nd house rules the neck/voice..... maybe you like his neck ... or want to kiss it ? it probably means if you knew him irl you guys would b very touchy ... like you might cling to him alot or whenever he sees you hed be instantly hugging u or maybe mindlessly playing with your hair something like that yknow.. yeah

Jupiter trine Jupiter ...?

I guess i dont know for sure but it looks pretty clear... anyways cross your fingers you do have thisbecause this is a very very good placement. its like pure good fortune. harmony and u guys beinf very lucky together and when your around eachother, making eachother happy, together embodying freedom and attracting adventure. its literally The Good Vibes aspect. so good.

His venus in YOUR 2nd house

hmm alot of 2nd house like even ur moon.... interesting lots of taurus energy. neways he would probably try to woo you with nice things or tasty food. or maybe just heyy i have money (; lol. neways you guys would probably be sort of possesive of eachother not in a crazy way nesecarily but like, a sweeter i love this one theyre mine kinda feeling. like you know an unspoken kind of safety or grounding u feel around yhem. maybe he would try to provide for you .??? could just be like desperate to pick up the bill but who knows

ur pluto square his venus

ummmm....... so.. u have that intensely good aspect.. this is an intensely not necessarily bad but probably hellish and chaotic and maybe dramatic aspect. idk. ur pluto hes venus .... this is a placement to google because other people could express this more eloquently but. when you guys would first meet u guys would be weirdly drawn to eachother, probably attracted to eachother as soon as u meet.? um but Plutos you shadow self it represents karma and like raw growth idek basically imagine liam like flower petals floating around and theyre very lovely and they fall around you but you need to see and theyre in your way. and also you wish you could touch the flower petals but you have no way of gently picking them up without putting a crazy amount of effort into it ........ i dont know basically liam would be like present in ur life but you just could not deal with that like ..... I CANT EXPRESS IT BUT its like extreme attraction and wanting to intensely and intimately know everything about eachother but theres some very clear incompatibility that would take alot of work to get around . ive heard it compared to liam is a bird and youre a person who loves liam in ur life but you can only really keep this bird in a cage in your house because thats just how it is for you ,????? ugh go look this one up its intense and nuts at least you would have some drama to have fun withi

his mars in ur 4th house

he would probably be into u pretty soon into meeting just cuz hes into the 4th house /cancer energy of ur rising. anyways this is ridiculous but he is INTO the mommy milkers vibe im so sorry for saying that but its true . kill me.

neways on top of that he might cry if u guys had sex and complete 180 u might help him get over childhood trauma. in ur relationship u might act sort of motherly not in a fetish way (..unless u would want to .?) but just a subconscious taking a guiding caring role.

your mercury in his 3rd house

I LOVE THIS !! simply enough this means you guys would have really great conversations, have fun talking together and joking around, and understand what the other one is tryig to express (:

there is sooo much more in here to talk about but im getting bored so summary .... you guys would feel very close and have fun together, but deeper issues and incompatibility might make ur relationship get chaotic quick... either way itd be a adventure. lots of hugs and hed think ur pretty.

#THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THISS

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leviiattacks · 4 years

Text

Two Faced | Chapter Nine

↳ levi ackerman, the very person who was about to kindly behead you by a surprising turn of events manages to become your loving husband? you would be elated if this was true love, but it’s all thanks to a mysterious magic spell that your life is spared, for now at least.

pairing :: duke!levi x duchess!reader genre :: royal au ??? (at this point idek) angst, fluff, slice of life etc ?? word count :: 3.8k author note :: omg hiiii it’s been a while and today’s my birthday so i’m feeling pretty happy :-) i’ve been busy with exams and what not so this chapter would have been longer but oh well it’s still over the usual word count of 2ishk!! → next part found here !!

Instead of taking your frustration out on anyone else you take it out on your ODM gear. Anger is best used up resourcefully and you find practice goes by quicker when you imagine the look of horror Levi will have on his face when he sees just how much you've improved in recent weeks.

You sustain a number of bruises, scratches and scars the more daring you get but you take them as accolades indicating your dedication. Erwin occasionally encourages you in his office and informs you of how your commitment shows how you prioritise the safety of your people.

He's incorrect. The people of Paradis are not your people. You hold no relation or similarity to them aside from the fact you all happen to be human. Your people are the people of the Negri Republic.

You think of them every training session, tell yourself you're fortunate to be alive and if it were any other citizen of the Republic they would be working ten times as hard. They would grind their bones to dust just to prove their worth. Stepping above everyone else and working for a place in the top three.

So that's exactly what you do. You work yourself till you're sure you don't have possession of your own body, the spirits of the dead haunt you now that you've been left in the harrowing silence of lost life.

Guilt catches up to you. It nips at your skin and forms goosebumps all over your arms the one time you and the cadets happen to be allowed out to venture into town.

The people of Negri will never be able to bask in such a privilege.

Yet here you are, the only survivor of the attack, basking in that freedom .

You believe you hold no licence to deserve it.

It's another Friday, your shirt is soaked in sweat and you cringe internally as you peel it away from your skin now safe within the confines of the shower rooms.

Another lonesome night for you. Mikasa has fallen asleep long ago and you've just retired from another late night training session.

The air bites at you and you jolt jerking your hand away when the water you come into contact with is ice cold.

You should have remembered warm water is closed off after ten but it completely slipped your mind.

Sniffing at your skin you wince at the earthy scent mixed in with your perspiration.

You can't not shower but the prospect of having to endure the cold water isn't appealing in the slightest.

Fine, you'll get up early and hope to shower before breakfast when warm water is available. If you dare to become ill at this pivotal moment you're back to square one. If Levi has no use for you, you're once again as good as dead.

Groaning you unwind and restart. Pulling your undergarments back on you stare at your sodden clothing. Wearing your damp uniform just to sneak back into your dorm isn't at all appealing and you curse yourself for forgetting to bring your night gown.

No one else is awake anymore and if they are they should be all the way at the other end of the base, you're sure you'll be able to slip away into the shadows and make it to your room within two minutes.

It's a risk but you'll take it, there's no way you're wearing those clothes again. If you make it to your room you can change into your nightwear and sleep. It'll be uncomfortable due to not showering but you'll make do with it.

Pushing your head out into the hallway it's dark and you sigh in relief, your ears are attentive waiting on any sounds but when you hear nothing you assume it's safe to make a move.

But, that's where you're wrong.

One foot out into the hallway you've already been caught red handed.

"Looks like I was forced to married an oaf who just so happens to have a thing for voyeurism." The cynicism is dripping in none other than Levi Ackerman's voice but you don't shrink away despite your vulnerability.

Like a cat you can hear Levi almost silently saunter up to you from behind and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up straight.

Expecting him to berate you you're surprised when he doesn't sound as scornful as he did a few seconds prior.

"Would you like to use the shower in my quarters? The water's warm."

You'd be an idiot to reject the offer and as much as you hate the feeling of unease you feel around Levi you'll put up with it if it means you're able to rub soap against your skin and smell clean whilst you sleep.

You're standing in his shower staring at all of the varieties of body wash he has lined up against the wall. As expected of him his bathroom is meticulously spotless without any dirt in sight.

A little whine escapes your mouth when the hot water hits you for the first time. You sigh feeling satiated as well as satisfied.

Feeling a little lightheaded you rub the pleasant scent onto your skin eagerly. After a long days worth of training you feel rewarded and fulfilled just by being able to indulge in the luxury of warm water.

Suddenly your eyes shift they expand, turning from relaxed to completely appalled. Memories of your home town flood into your mind all at once, memories you don't even recall owning. Flashes of what looks to be fiery red hair, then segments of bloodcurdling screams follow in pursuit.

The soap has slipped out of your hand colliding with the floor and the rather loud noise that follows is enough to have Levi knocking on the door of the bathroom.

Hurrying to finish up you try to act as if what happened didn't just happen but to your discontent you only end up feeling more distressed.

Those aren't your memories you don't recall who they belong to. Have they perhaps been triggered by something?

Looking around the bathroom you come to find that you forgot you hadn't brought your night clothes with you,, again. Hands making their way to rest onto your forehead you groan audibly.

Again your thought process is cut off by Levi's knocking "Hey, did you pass out or something?" and with urgency you finish before he knocks the door down from impatience.

Poking your head out you avoid his gaze.

"What is it runt?" Levi's unimpressed voice asks once again reminding you of his presence.

"I forgot to bring my clothes."

A moment of silence follows your sentence and you're convinced he'll tell you to deal with the problem yourself when he tells you to return inside. But, a few minutes pass and he cracks the door open to shove one of his button ups at you alongside a pair of loose-fitting pants.

Quietly thanking him you take the clothing from him, they're good enough to cover most of the areas you'd like sheltered from prying eyes.

After you're done dressing yourself you practice your breathing in the mirror and for the most part you think you're alright until your mind drifts back to the unexplained fiery red hair.

Finally getting a hold of yourself in spite of all the unanswered questions you escape into his room and make a dash for the door hoping he's occupied elsewhere or has drifted off to sleep allowing you to flee.

"Stop."

Gritting the top and bottom row of your teeth against each other you scowl before masking it away and turning to face Levi.

"You're working hard for Paradis I see."

Meeting his eyes for the first time in a long time you're riled up, the heat in your chest rises and it finally reaches the summit when you sense you're shaking in maddening annoyance.

"I do not work hard for Paradis. I have not forgot the way you massacred my people."

He shrugs his shoulders calmly. "If you say so, and if you must know. I did not order the hit. I did my job, that is all."

He seems almost amused seeing your expression twist around trying to decipher if he is of reliability or not.

"You're a murderer. What is so humorous?" The blunt delivery of your question is sufficient enough to bring an end to Levi's fleeting grin. His face automatically drops and his brows knit together.

Levi is left stunned and speechless. For the first time in his life he doesn’t know what to say because you're correct.

Giving his regretful expression one last disappointed look you storm off. You need to sleep if there's any chance of you waking up tomorrow.

Little do you know that two pairs of eyes watch you leave Levi's quarters that night.

One of those pairs does not belong to Levi.

Training is about pace but with the pent up steaming fury that resides inside of you you're sure you can move up the ranks much earlier than you previously estimated.

Positions, rank and status are what you need to obtain for Levi's plan to happen with no disruptions, if you're no good as a soldier there's no reason to continue persevering through the scrupulous hours of hard work and exercise.

There are points at which you struggle, it's difficult moving on alone knowing that you've been left completely unaccompanied and to your own devices but you make it work. You always have.

The feeling of loneliness is something you should have long got used to within the walls of the palace but after experiencing love and affection for the first time in years it's easier said than done to let it all go.

But you do.

You have to let go of your feelings for Levi to move forward.

All the faith and hope you truly have are placed in Sasha and Mikasa. You trust them with your life and one night after training as you look into your own eyes in the fogged up mirror of the shower rooms you come to the conclusion that you do not trust Levi Ackerman with your life and if you do not trust him with your life what is there to love about him?

The incessant name calling? The relentless pestering? The persistent hot and cold behaviour?

The man who sits at the other side of the hall eating his dinner is not Lev. The look in his eyes is completely different, the way he holds cups is different so is the way they make jokes and most importantly the way they act and you've now come to terms with that. No more allowing him to push you around whenever he pleases, no more succumbing to his touch.

The only orders you'll follow are the ones which permit for you to keep your life. That is all that matters. Nothing will ever matter if you die a meaningless death.

You came to the conclusion not too long ago that forming a clear distinction between Lev and Levi would be pivotal in progressing. After the mess caused by Jean in the hallway and your rude remark it's obvious you should. For the record you do stand by what you said. Levi Ackerman is a bitter hag, but you decide it's for the better that you bottle your emotions and your ever increasing feelings of animosity. You won't allow for them to interfere with your task. You've come here to save your life and that's it.

Lazily you poke at the meat on your plate not feeling particularly hungry today, there isn't much reason to be. Most of the training you've now become used to and you no longer feel exhausted after the training sessions. Instead you feel rather accomplished, you never saw yourself as much of a fighter but you think you've finally got the hang of it now.

Your progress has come as a shock to everyone around you and the cadets who were so quick to make judgement on the first day now come to you for advice. Whenever they approach with awkward smiles you can't help but feel bitter but you never refuse to aid them because what kind of person would that make you?

You haven't realized but all you've done today at dinner is sit and repeatedly jab your chicken with your fork, you nudge it left then bump it right. Eating is the last topic of interest on your mind right now. Recently all you've been able to think about are the people of your Republic. You were never able to ask what happened to your nation, what happened to your people. Illegitimate daughter or not it was still your kingdom and you keep mulling over the possibility of asking Levi about it.

You would have asked long ago but you think he won't give you an answer. After all there is no real reason for him to tell you what he did.

"MAIL!!" Marco's yell is enough to break you out of your deep thoughts all the cadets get to their feet running up to the front and practically submerging him after he's just come dashing in with this week's packages and parcels.

Connie's the first to retrieve his package. His mother is always reminding him in her letters and parcels of how proud she is of him, how she hopes he's eating well and is healthy. Your heart tingles for him. Maternal love is a lovely blessing and you wish you had it yourself but that doesn't stop you from feeling pleased on his behalf.

Everyone receives letters from home without fail, Everyone apart from you, Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie. You've taken a keen note of that detail. The higher ups tend to never receive any mail unless it's from the military. They could have family who are dead or alive but it'll most probably remain a mystery to you. Maybe there will come a time where all the cadet's families will stop writing too. The reasons as to why may be ambiguous but you can only hope their families remain healthy despite the dangerous terrain of Paradis.

"You never get any mail why is that Y/N?" Armin one of the younger cadets pokes his head over your shoulder, his blonde hair falls over his eyes and his innocent voice is unaware of how dark the true answer to his question is.

You shrug your shoulders forcing yourself to cut some of the chicken you have yet to touch.

"Mother and Father raised me to be independent they were never the caring type." You say shoving a piece of chicken into your mouth, you can't leave the plate unmoved.

He hums in response buying the explanation but Annie clearly doesn't, she's glaring right at you as she swirls her spoon in her soup rather aggressively. She's been looking at you with increasing intensity these past few days but you don't address it. You aren't able to tell if that's her normal resting face, all you really know for certain is that her Hawk like gaze only flicks away when you make eye contact with her.

"How about you Annie you never get any- " Just as Armin begins his sentence Annie's smoldering gaze meets his and it's enough to stop him.

You and Annie most definitely aren't amicable but you know how annoying the intrusive questions can get when you have no real answer to provide people with so you choose to step in and alleviate the growing tension.

"Annie isn't one to dabble in small talk, I'm sure she'll open up with time." Annie grunts and gets to her feet, she shoots you an Armin a subterranean glare demanding you understand she isn't going to carry on being interrogated. She isn't even thankful for your intermission.

"Did I anger her?" Armin is so aware and in touch with others feelings because you honestly can't tell how she feels. Maybe she thinks she's superior to you, maybe she's frustrated like Armin suggests or maybe that's her natural demeanor.

"I'm not sure, she seems to just be this way." You won't get his hopes up high by falsifying an explanation, you'll just provide him with your honest opinion.

Bertholdt looks as if he's about to join your conversation but Reiner places a firm palm onto his shoulder before whispering a word of warning into his ear. Bertholdt indicates his agreement by looking away and making conversation with Connie who is sitting across them enthusiastically pointing at the letter his mother has sent him this time around.

Behind you Jean shuffles out of his seat he approaches your table and places a candle onto the wooden surface. "One for you." He announces, and then he places one more next to Mikasa's plate "And, one for you Mikasa."

The both of you exchange looks Mikasa is as plain faced as usual but she murmurs a thank you and both you and Jean know she isn't just saying that she does mean it she's just not that great at expressing it. You move over and give him some space to sit down with you both.

"Oh my, are these those special editions from the city square?" You rotate the candle in your hand looking at it before gently inhaling some of it. Vanilla, Jasmine and hints of coffee flood your system and you sigh dreamily.

"It's so lovely, my you didn't have to?"

"I wanted to, besides what was I to do with that many candles? Mother got over excessive and sent far too many and I know you liked that sort of stuff. I remember seeing your maid carrying some essential oils and fragrances when I met you in the city."

He's spoken a bit too much and you give him an alarmed look, it's slipped his mind to not mention he's encountered you before but much to your dismay Reiner's inquisitive ears have already heard what's been said.

"Kirstein and you, what have you got going on?" Reiner's back at it forming false conspiracy theories in his head you can tell that much just by looking at him.

You huff and shake your head, "I believe he's got me mixed up with someone else I've never even met him before arriving here."

As soon as you've spoke you've realize your mistake when Connie turns to face the both of you, his eyebrow is cocked up in confusion and he keeps his eyes on you contemplating if he should reveal what he knows.

Begging him with your eyes isn't enough because he just has to open his big mouth and join in.

"Did you and Jean not say you knew each other? I remember it, on the first day you said something like it was a small world if you ran into him again."

Reiner's amused by this all and is fascinated wondering what the reason is for you to bluff like this.

Sucking your bottom lip in not expecting this disruption during dinner you don't know how to save yourself.

"He said you have a maid, would that make you a noble? Only the rich can afford such commodities." Krista cuts in and it's only then you notice everyone crowding around you.

Everyone looking at you makes you uncomfortable and you can't formulate a sentence in your mind that can substitute as a makeshift excuse. Jean has to notice the consequences of his actions because you're playing with your hands under the table evaluating the possible outcomes as his thigh rocks back and forth shaking the floorboards with tension.

Just say the truth.

"My husband, he's a noble so I suppose yes that would make me one too."

The cadets are open mouthed in complete surprise. There are a number of reasons for why this could be the case. Firstly you're married, secondly you're a noble, thirdly as of now only two nobles that have been made known to the cadets, those two are Duke Ackerman and Viscount Kirstein they're probably speculating if the two know who your husband is.

"Someone married you of all the women in this city? And that person's a noble?" At that you don't know how to feel. The added insult to injury upsets you but you don't make it visible.

"Enough." Erwin's firm tone is enough to settle everyone down and the rumour mill stops temporarily.

Levi doesn't do as much as look at you whilst the situation plays out. He continues nonchalantly looking through some letters the military have sent over to the base. It's for the best he doesn't draw attention to himself right now.

Then everything plays out the same way it did the day those cadet's talked badly about your performance, everything plays out the same way as when you lived in your father's palace. Every one swamping you, engulfing you and you find it hard to breathe. Throat constricting your unease only heightens. Giggles and mumbles then whispers of "So she bribed her way up here?" and "Count on a noble to cheat the system."

"I saw her leave Captain Ackerman's quarters a few days back."

That's enough to push you out the room, you don't even realize what you're doing until your legs have carried you out and you can hear heavy footsteps follow after you. It's silent whilst you plot a route towards the training grounds but whoever is behind you is still following behind you loyally. You're too worn out to check in on who it is.

"Y/N, we need to discuss this." You recognize the voice to be Jean's, it's unusual that he's bothered to follow you outside.

Brows furrowed and shadows cast over your face you can't help but visibly present your emotions. Moving to take a seat on a staircase you hunch yourself forward breathing in and out shallowly, get a grip, slow your breathing. At this point both you and Jean have ventured so far into the base that there's no way anyone will be able to find you both for a while.

Normally you would burst into tears if something like this were to happen but you can't make yourself feel anything apart from simmering dissatisfaction. Whether it's directed at Jean, at yourself, at Connie, you don't really know the specifics.

You're able to harden your exterior this time, Levi is going to kill you there's no use in you being here if your identity is discovered, you've ultimately failed the one task you've been given.

"Ease yourself. Mikasa said she'd handle it I trust her, you trust her."

"We'll dig ourselves out of this mess, I assure you." Jean is droning on and slowly the sound of his voice fades away as you stare at the white wall behind him. He's explaining his viewpoint but he clearly doesn't understand you at all. Of course he isn't informed enough to understand. why you're panicked. You don't blame him.

"Just leave me alone for a second I'd like to think without anyone else present."

Jean sighs deeply but respects your request. He walks away from you although he clearly doesn't wish to do so.

#levi #levi ackerman #leviiattacks #aot #snk #attack on titan levi #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x y/n #aot fanfiction #aot headcanons #duke levi #levi smut #levi fluff #levi angst #levi fanfiction

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sweetsassymusic · 3 years

Text

The Long Kaz Rant I Told Myself I Wouldn’t Write, But Here We Are

This is probably an unpopular opinion. And I hope it doesn't come across as confrontational or anything because I don't mean it that way. But I've always been super confused by the way Kaz is accepted, basically across the entire fandom, as either morally gray or straight up villainous? He doesn’t really seem like either of those things to me. On a surface level, obviously there are things he’s done that are normally considered evil. He’s stolen, he’s killed, he threatened a child, he gouged out someone’s eye. And that’s all pretty bad, right? But it completely ignores the context given in the books. (More after the cut because this got too long...)

There’s a difference between doing something evil and doing something that’s shocking, “dark,” or difficult to watch.

Before I read the books, I heard fans discuss all the horrible things Kaz does. And the way people talk about him, I was expecting him to be… Feral Kaz – someone who delights in doing horrible things because he’s just so twisted and angry. The author herself even referred to him on her blog as being utterly despicable. Wow! This guy must really go out of his way to hurt innocent people, huh? So when I sat down to actually read it, I was so surprised. Most (if not all?) the killings were done on some level of self-defense. His “murder victims” were actual evil people trying to kill him or someone he loved. And the reason he threatened a child was because the only alternative was killing her – something he would never want to do. You know, because he’s not evil.

I don’t know if I just have very different definitions of these terms than most people? But to me, the idea of Kaz being “utterly despicable” should not even be on the table to begin with (Leigh Bardugo, you good?) and even the idea of him being “morally gray” is questionable.

When I think of a morally good character, I don’t think of someone who never does anything questionable or always perfectly makes the correct choices. I think of someone who is on a mission–either to protect the world, a loved one, or simply pursuing a personal goal–who at least tries to conduct his mission in a way that either does no harm to others, or (when that’s not possible) does as little harm as necessary to get the job done.

Whereas, when I think of a villainous character, I think of someone who has no regard for others at all. Someone who either relishes in harming the innocent, or pays zero consideration to whether he harms innocents while pursuing his goals (which are usually, in themselves, harmful to innocent people).

And finally, when I think of a morally gray character, I think of someone directly between these two. Someone who is a little bit evil, a little bit sadistic, but not entirely evil. He’s got a few good points too. Maybe he’s someone who keeps switching sides, unsure if he wants to be a hero or villain. Maybe he has hurt a lot of innocent people unnecessarily, but he joins in with the good guys for personal gain, and people don’t mind him there simply because he doesn’t interfere with the protagonist’s goals. Or maybe he’s the “Bad Cop” to someone else’s Good Cop: someone who uses more violence than is necessary, just for fun, but still helps the good side in some capacity, so everyone chooses to look past it.

Under these definitions, Kaz (to me) seems more like a good character. While pursuing his personal goals, he protects people he loves, and yes, he does do “dark” things. But he doesn’t relish in doing them (despite his reputation in-universe of being a chaotic sadist. His reputation is not accurate; he invented it for his own protection). He does them because he has to. If he can get the job done right without hurting anyone, that’s the route he’ll take. But that option isn’t always available. And he’s not the type to lie down and die just to avoid getting his hands dirty (nor should he, imo).

Again, maybe I just have a different idea of what constitutes being morally gray. But I always thought it was meant to be a judgment on the choices you make when you actually HAVE a choice? A morally gray character has the choice to be good or evil, and they choose to do both (which one depending on how they feel that day).

Whereas, if you do something “bad” because circumstances force you to do it–because you or someone you love will die otherwise–that’s pretty much the same as having a gun to your head. You’re not morally gray. You’re doing it under duress. It’s survival, not a reflection of where you stand on moral topics. Like, if you trap a vegan in a room with only a piece of meat, and you leave them there for days, weeks, that person doesn’t suddenly become a “fake vegan” if they eat that meat to avoid literally starving to death. You forced them to do it. When it comes to their moral beliefs, they would still be a vegan if they had the freedom to make that choice. You just put them in a situation where those choices aren’t available to them. Your lack of freedom in a situation shouldn’t define you.

The same can be said for placing a starving, homeless orphan boy alone in the dog-eat-dog world of Ketterdam. The option of being a sweet little law-abiding citizen is not available to him. So is it really fair to define him by something in which he had no choice?

I’ve come across so many GrishaVerse fans who, while sipping on their Starbucks in the comfort of their own home, go “Ugh, Kaz. He’s so DARK, so EVIL!” (Fun fact: while my mom was watching the show, she said Kaz is evil because “he seems to always have a plan.” Oh no! Not PLANS!) “He must be some kind of monster to be able to do the things he does and still live with himself! I could NEVER do those things!” Well…you’ve never actually had to do those things? Your life has never depended on it? Idk, to me, it’s just a very privileged take. And I’m not trying to make this into a big social issue. It’s not like criticism against a fictional character is anywhere near the same level of importance as the issues marginalized people are facing in real life. I’m just saying, it’s very easy to condemn activity you’ve never been forced to engage in for your own survival.

One of the biggest reasons people have given me for why they think Kaz is evil is that he is “for himself.” Even the author said she thinks Kaz is worse than the Darkling (who, I’ve gotten the impression, she believes to be irredeemable) because the Darkling has communal goals (he wants to bring positive change for other people/the world at large) while Kaz’s goals are just personal (he wants to bring positive change for himself and only himself). And for one? It just isn’t true: many (if not most) of the things Kaz does is either for his Crows or for his late brother; he just disguises it with supposed self-interest for the sake of his reputation. And second? It’s…not actually wrong to have personal goals or to act in self-interest. Bettering your own life is a valid desire. It’s not the same as being selfish. Not everything you do has to be for other people.

(And, tbh, this is something Leigh Bardugo seems to have a problem with in general, not just in this scenario. I could write a whole separate rant about other characters that were demonized in-narrative for engaging in “too much” self-care, and how her unforgivingly black and white morality ruined the Shadow and Bone trilogy for me. Worst of all, she even seemed to imply recently that the only reason real-life antisemitism is wrong is because “the Jews didn’t fight back”? [Like, if they had met her criteria of “fighting back”, would that make antisemitism somewhat justified to her? What? Idek, but she should really clarify.] Basically, she seems to take “non-selfishness” to an extreme. I don’t know her personally, I don’t want to make assumptions, I don’t have anything personal against her, and I’m not trying to get her cancelled or anything, I promise. But please, when you read her books, please don’t accept all her ideas at face value, because there’s some Weird Shit™ in there sometimes.)

Anyway, another reason people say Kaz is bad or morally gray is that he wants revenge. “Revenge is a bad coping mechanism! You should want JUSTICE! Not REVENGE!” And again, this argument is wild to me. I mean, yes, there are situations–especially in real life, modern, western contexts–where revenge is a bad coping mechanism someone has developed, and transforming their anger into a desire for justice is a way for them to overcome that and express their anger in a healthier way. But that’s a very specific scenario. When we’re talking generally, the line between revenge and justice is a lot thinner than people think (and in some scenarios, there is no line at all).

For example, real life victims and their families often say they can’t wait to see the perpetrator rot in prison, even wishing (sometimes even fantasizing) that the guy gets abused in prison by fellow inmates. For them, justice and revenge are wrapped up together in one big court-issued sentence. And while some people find that disturbing or take issue with it, it’s…generally considered valid outrage? This guy is evil and hurt them, so it’s okay for these people to want him to suffer. And most importantly, these people called the cops instead of taking matters into their own hands, therefore they’re Good, right? They’re good citizens who obey and rely on the established authority, therefore they are handling their anger in an Acceptable™ way?

But in the world of Ketterdam, if someone has victimized you, or is trying to kill you or someone you love, you can’t just call the fucking cops (and let’s be honest, looking at irl cops, it’s a questionable idea here too sometimes). If we’re analyzing Kaz’s outrage and how he handles it, we have to analyze it in the context of where he lives, not where we live. We have options in our lives that Kaz doesn’t have. So we have to ask, what are the most productive steps he could realistically take in his world?

I see activists and bloggers on websites like this, publicly fantasizing about gouging the eyes out of certain politicians and right-wing figureheads. And they would probably do it for real if they could. On Tumblr and Twitter, this is generally considered righteous anger. The politicians are evil, so it’s okay to hurt them, right? That’s how the logic goes, anyway (I know some will disagree, but it’s a common take here). Well, imagine if, instead of just being a bigot, one of these evil people personally stabbed–possibly killed–your girlfriend. And there were no cops to call, no news stations or social media to turn to, to show people what this guy did. No authority or community on your side. No way to ensure this guy faced consequences for his actions. There’s just you, your dying girlfriend, your helplessness, your anger. What would be the appropriate way to handle this situation, so you were acting out of justice instead of revenge? What does “justice” even mean in a world like that? It’s a world where either you hurt others or you lie down and just let others keep hurting those you love (which, in itself, would be evil). I can’t think of any “appropriate” response Kaz could take. Which, for better or worse, is probably why he just went for the eye. You probably would too in that context. Are you morally gray? I doubt it.

It’s really weird to me how people seem to hold Kaz to this high standard of absolute Moral Purity, but they don’t hold other characters to it. Like, was the dad on Taken being “feral” or “morally gray” when he told his daughter’s kidnapper that “I will find you and I will kill you” and then pursued him with fury? His motivations were personal and not communal. He was coming from a place of revenge, just as much as justice. But most people consider him a hero. He’s not controversial or “dark.” There are plenty of other heroes who do terrible things (sometimes to innocent people! Even when it’s not even necessary!) for the “greater good” or just because it’s convenient. People call them a “badass” and then turn around and say Kaz is just “bad.” Idk, it just seems really arbitrary the way people draw these lines.

If we’re expanding the definition of “morally gray” to include anyone who’s ever done anything questionable, made a mistake, been forced to do something they wouldn’t normally do, done something for personal reasons instead of for the world at large, or wanted revenge for something, then there literally are no heroes in fiction (except maybe a few cardboard cutouts) or in real life.

(Ironically, the most morally gray thing Kaz does, imo, is something most people don’t even have a problem with: the fact he runs a gambling house to “take money from pigeons.” And even that is really mild [no one is forcing the “pigeons” to gamble their money away]. But yeah, that’s one of the few instances I could think of where he actually hurt innocent people unnecessarily. That and the time, as a kid, where he stole candy from that other kid...and even that might be mostly-but-not-entirely excused by the fact he was starving to death. But yeah.)

#Kaz Brekker #Shadow and Bone #grishaverse #tw: antisemitism #Grisha #my meta

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livlepretre · 4 years

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I’m no expert in how tattoos work, but I’ve always been under the impression that their healing factors would make it impossible for the ink to stay. I think it’s really funny that everyone’s tattoos disappear and reappear depending on the episode. I know irl this is just because some of the cast member’s tattoos are larger and thus harder to cover up than others. Klaus does not have his tattoos in season 2 when he turns back from being a werewolf the first time but does have them in season 4. To explain this in canon, I think it’s hilarious to imaginethat Klaus got his tattoos with Stefan during their summer together. Anyway, ignoring the fact that people’s tattoos vanish and reappear all the time, when do you think Klaus got his tattoos, and do you have any hcs about why he chose them? Since he’s an artist, it would be cool to think he did them himself, but since he has one on his back, someone had to have done that for him. I wish I could see at what point Klaus asked someone to put a single triangle on his back.

P.S. As I was typing this, I had the thought that maybe the triangle was meant to symbolize him, Rebekah, and Elijah. Idek, I just thought all this tattoo business was funny 😂

I’m not sure if I’ve written about this here on this blog or if I’ve only talked about it in chats, but I for one am also big fan of the idea that during their summer together, Klaus decided to get his tattoos basically because he thought Stefan’s looked so cool, to explain that season 2 vs season 4 discrepancy you mention 😂😂😂

Essentially we’re dealing with the feather/bird tattoo and the triangle tattoo, yes? Since, THANK GOD, that tiger tattoo is always covered/hidden by camera angles (I just. don’t think I could write the reams of klaus x elena fic that I write if I had to actually address that tattoo. the specifics of that cat’s expression and the bad cursed 90s vibes it emanates are too much for me to handle).

So, neither of them strike me as being particularly old tattoos-- relatively speaking. Like I don’t think he’s had them for centuries or anything. I think he got both of them at some point in the 20th century or maaayyybbee in the early 21st (although, I’m fond of thinking about wretched lonely 90s Klaus getting his tattoos).

This is obviously just reading into things since Joseph Morgan has these tattoos but for what it’s worth:

The feather/bird one has always seemed to me like a reference to that feather talisman that his mother gave him that secretly suppressed him when he was human-- made him calmer and less likely to trigger his werewolf gene, but also meeker, less certain, ultimately unhappier. It’s powerful that the feather becomes the birds flying to freedom, because this seems to me like an expression of Klaus becoming free to be himself once the talisman is abandoned and he becomes a vampire. I think Klaus of all of them is the one who most embraces being a vampire and feels it to be a gift rather than a curse (which is messed up in and of itself because it is so clearly a curse) and that that tattoo is a visual representation of him breaking free from the constraints of his parents, mortality, the fate that was foisted on him, and finding his own path and freedom.

Your analysis of the triangle tattoo is just too good to ignore, and makes the most sense-- what other triangle is there for Klaus, other than the triangle of “always and forever” with Elijah and Rebekah? It would be so telling if he got that tattoo at some point in the 20th century when Rebekah lay daggered and he and Elijah were not on speaking terms. The design of it is very clean and simple, which reads to me as post-World War I.

#anonymous #klaus mikaelson #klaus

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awkwardpenguinproductions · 5 years

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Okay I’m sure you’ve gotten asked about this before but how would Zuko interact with Jet assuming he was with the gang in their first meeting with him?

You’re the first one, Nonny! 🎉

So I started writing this at 12:45am my time, and finished at around 1:30pm my time. Total active writing time was probably about 3, 3.5 hours? Honestly, that kind of turnaround is unheard of for me, but IDEK, I saw this ask and this popped nearly fully formed into my head.

Nemesis

The smarmy jerk’s got style, Zuko will give him that. He still rubs Zuko the wrong way––instincts honed over years spent in the company of soldiers recognize bloodlust regardless of how well it disguises itself under smooth charm. He and Sokka exchange irritated glances, but both Aang and Katara are googly-eyed, and if half the squad is dug in, the rest aren’t going anywhere.

The hideout’s pretty cool. Zuko can appreciate the strategic genius of the location; the trees are so tall and the canopy so thick that there’s very little chance of the Freedom Fighters (oh Agni what a stupid name) being discovered––firebenders like to be rooted, and that preference informs almost all of Fire Nation military tactics, so it’ll be a rare Fire Nation soldier that would think to look up for his enemy. That speech, though... Zuko shivers and prays to Agni, Tui, La, and the Four Winds that his new squad has the sense to keep Zuko’s firebending confidential.

The guy’s a nutcase. The elder he’s just assaulted was barely able to stand up without the cane Jet had swiped out from under him, and now he’s on the ground and Zuko has a rappel line ready but for once Sokka beats him to the punch, leaping from the perch like a diving eagle-hawk. The Water Tribe warrior catches Jet’s foot with his club as it swings towards the elder’s face, and Zuko lands behind his squadmate just as Jet snarls “remember why you fight” in Sokka’s face. When they return to the hideout and Sokka tells Katara and Aang what had happened, Jet fucking lies to their faces—if that elder had actually been an assassin, Zuko will snap his bow in half and join the Imperial Firebenders.

Zuko is awake at dawn (he is a firebender after all) so he clearly hears the whispers outside the hut. Sokka hears them as well, and without a word they both slip out and follow Jet and his cronies to a cliff overlooking a nearby village and the dam that protects it. Zuko knew Jet was bloodthirsty, but wiping out an entire village just to get rid of half a garrison’s worth of soldiers? Gaipan, Zuko remembers from reading pilfered reports back at the Stronghold, is barely worth the ink that marks it on the maps. Wiping it out wouldn’t do a single thing to uproot the Fire Nation’s foothold in the Earth Kingdom. And the guy’s bullshit excuse about the demands of war makes Zuko want to either laugh hysterically or breathe fire. This kid has no idea about the demands of war; he’s just lashing out at what he perceives as monsters.

But he’s too dangerous to be pitied, and too steeped in fear and rage to be reasoned with. When Sokka refuses to go along with their plan, and Zuko makes his opinion clear by spitting in the nutcase’s face with all of the precision trained into him by the Yuyan, Jet orders Pipsqueak and Smellerbee to take them on a “long walk”. Their hands are tied behind their backs, and Smellerbee jolts them into motion with the poke of a dagger.

As they walk, Zuko is itching to fight; the odds are much better now that it’s two on two, even accounting for Pipsqueak’s size. But a single look from Sokka banks his fire. The Water Tribe warrior is subtly leading them in a specific direction, so sublty that even Zuko hadn’t noticed until just that moment.

Sokka suddenly speaks, it’s a signal, and Zuko watches carefully for signs of what to do. He knows that Sokka is going to break left the second the other boy shifts his weight, and they turn and run in unison, so suddenly that their captors are left behind to shout and give chase. Zuko immediately sees where Sokka is going with this—the same traps they had discovered yesterday are primed and waiting. The two Freedom Fighters bumble into the traps and get snapped up like hog-monkeys, and Zuko smirks as he easily snaps the shoddy vine-rope with a flex of his arms. Even spitting mad, a blush spreads across Smellerbee’s face, and Sokka laughs as he easily undoes his own bindings.

“While you’re up there and daydreaming about how ripped Zuko is, you might want to practice your knotwork,” he quips, and Zuko cuffs him under his stupid wolf-tail.

As they sprint back towards the hideout, Sokka breathlessly outlines his plan. There’s no time to argue, and Sokka isn’t yet advanced enough in Yuyan hand-language to understand him anyway, so Zuko agrees, and they pack up Appa’s saddle and race to the village. Zuko and Appa drop Sokka off to get the villagers evacuated, and then return to the hideout to pick up Aang and Katara.

Who aren’t in the hideout.

Shit.

It’s hard for Appa to punch his way through the forest’s dense canopy, and by the time they find a hole big enough for him to get through without scraping the saddle and half the fur off his back, they’re much farther from the resevoir than Zuko wants to be. They fly back as fast as Appa can manage, but the resevoir’s full, the blasting jelly is in place, and Zuko can hear a birdcall whistling through the air. Another call answers it.

A burning arrow arcs through the sky, too far away for Zuko to shoot it down. All he can do is watch.

The dam explodes.

The village floods.

Agni, please let Sokka have gotten them out in time. Please let Sokka have gotten out in time.

Heartsick, burning with fury, he directs Appa over the flooded remains of the village, following the flow of the water. There are no bodies, but that means nothing. Until they round a bend, and then it means everything.

Sokka is waving his arms and jumping around like a maniac, grinning from ear to ear, jubilant in his plan’s success. Behind him stand the entirety of the village’s residents, Earth Kingdom natives and Fire Nation colonists and soldiers. Zuko returns Sokka’s grin, and holds out an arm for the other boy to hoist himself up on Appa’s head. Sokka waves to the people, and everyone but a few shell-shocked soldiers cheer. Zuko spots the elder from the day before, tears in his eyes as he bows shakily to the two boys.

They find Katara, Aang, and Jet just inside the treeline atop the cliff. Jet is frozen to a tree, and Katara is shouting at him furiously, tears flowing down her cheeks. Aang is sitting on the forest floor with his big, stormy gray eyes staring at Jet like the asshole had broken his heart. Zuko’s fury reignites at Aang’s expression, and he glares at Jet and wishes that he could roast the bastard to ash with the strength of his gaze alone. The flinch Jet can’t supress at the sight of Zuko is satisfying enough, he supposes.

Aang and Katara climb into Appa’s saddle, Momo flutters down to wrap around Aang’s shoulders, and Sokka flicks the reins. The bison roars and lifts off, drowning out the furious, insane screams of the would-be terrorist of Gaipan. Looking at the faces of his squad, Zuko knows that this was a lesson that needed to be learned, but it was a cruel one, and he’s not looking forward to the debrief. For now, though, he’s content to act as comfort for shellshocked Aang and miserable Katara, and smirk when Aang points out to Sokka that they’re flying the wrong way.

And I wasn’t even planning on writing a Jet redux. “Jet” comes before “The Blue Spirit” in the series continuity, which, spoilers, is when I’m planning for Zuko to join Team Avatar, so in my outline (really more of a list with a one sentence summary/prompt, some of which I look back at and go “????” because I can’t really remember what sparked each one in the corresponding ep) Zuko and Jet don’t meet until Ba Sing Se. But to be perfectly frank— “Jet” was a filler episode. It introduced the character and his motivations, but it could’ve appeared anywhere in Book 1 and been perfectly effective. So, this takes place a week or two after “The Blue Spirit”, or at least the Dragon ‘verse version thereof.

I’ll post a more polished version of this to AO3 this weekend, but I hope this answered your question, Anon!

#atla #atla fandom #atla fanfic #dragon of the yuyan #awkpenproductions presents #oops my hand slipped

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maandags · 5 years

Text

Fixable Mistakes (Hunk x reader)

fam im jsbdcjs

-- -- --

Summary: When you show up at the Castle of Lions with a heartbreaking story and a request for help, Hunk accepts immediately, not thinking anything except the fact that you needed help and he could give it to you. But as schemes begin to unfold and errors are committed, Hunk constantly needs to remind himself of something: that not every mistake can be fixed...

Word count: 11.2K

Genre: angst/fluff

Notes: masterlist - yalls idek what to say. i show love by making my babies suffer

-- -- --

At first, Hunk thought you were a hallucination.

He was in his room, minding his own business, when his wristband went off and Keith’s face appeared on a little screen hovering over his arm, telling him to get to the briefing room right now. Before Hunk could ask why, Keith broke the connection.

So Hunk sighed and pushed off his bed, trudging towards the briefing room with a scowl. He had stuff to do, damn it–he needed to show Pidge some inconsistencies in a program he was working on. Maybe she could help him. There were dozens of other things he needed to do, and there had been no meeting scheduled until two days from now. It made no sense, he grumbled internally as he pushed open the door to the briefing room.

He froze, one hand still on the doorknob.

There you stood, looking regal as anything, your hands clasped behind your back, your feet standing solidly on the ground and your shoulders drawn back. A strange thing he immediately noticed was how your hair seemed to flow behind you as if you were underwater, the ends dissolving into golden dust–as if you were a sand statue seconds away from crumbling.

You turned your head, two eyes that seemed forged out of hot embers casting him a surprised glance before your lips curled into a tentative smile. “Hello.”

“Hi,” said Hunk, voice squeakier than usual.

“Hunk? Sit down, please,” said Allura from the head of the table, and somewhere in the back of his mind Hunk noticed how shaky her voice was. His mind was completely entranced with your image in front of him, though, so he didn’t pay any attention to it until Lance brought it up later.

He ripped his eyes from your form and quickly sank into his seat, Pidge at his side. She leaned towards him and whispered, “Don’t worry. We all had the same reaction when we first saw them.” For some reason, that didn’t sit well with Hunk at all.

Everyone was there. Everyone looked at you, seated opposite Allura at the other end of the table, your body giving off its own golden-orange glow, your hair turning to stardust behind your head. You looked like… well, Hunk thought, somewhat embarrassed, you looked like royalty. Yet you also looked slightly nervous, your eyes darting from Paladin to Paladin and your shoulders drawn up to your ears as if you were expecting to get yelled at. The opposite of how you'd looked only minutes ago.

After a moment of silence, Keith spoke up, and you jumped. “So. Are you going to introduce yourself?”

Shiro’s eyes snapped to Keith, a careful warning lying in them. “Keith–”

“No, it’s okay,” you interrupted him. Your voice was quieter than Hunk had expected–twinkling. Like a melody from a music box, back on Earth. Or a star.

You took a breath, bringing delicate hands onto the table and lacing your fingers together. Even your nails seemed to give off that strange golden glow. “My name is Y/N. I’m a Comet, and I’ve come to ask for your help.”

There were exactly two seconds of dead silence, and then everyone began to speak at once. They bombarded you with questions or simply said, “What?” Lance practically jumped over the table and shouted in your face, Pidge right by his side, and you shrank more into yourself with every word they uttered. Keith had grabbed Shiro’s arm and was saying how much he didn’t like this, how he was sure this was some kind of scheme from the Galra to infiltrate them, how there was no way this was going to end well–

No one paid any attention to how you felt, and when Hunk locked eyes with you over Pidge’s head, all he saw was absolute terror and confusion and desperation. The fire he’d seen earlier was still there, but it didn’t glow as brightly as it had before–they were frightened little flames, grasping and reaching for any bit of air they could get before they were completely suffocated.

“Everyone SHUT UP!”

He surprised even himself with his shout.

But it worked, because the room went so silent you could hear a fly drop dead. Lance and Pidge slid back into their seats, having the decency to at least look a little embarrassed. Keith still held on to Shiro’s arm but cast an annoyed glance at Hunk. But Hunk’s eyes were on you only, and the look of gratefulness you sent him made his chest churn.

“Can you explain who exactly you are and what you need our help for?” he finally said.

“I still don’t like this,” whispered Keith angrily.

“Let them talk,” muttered Shiro back. His eyes were back on you again, but not before they slid over Hunk with a new sort of interest.

You nodded, chewing the inside of your cheek. “I’m–I’m sorry for barging in like this, first of all. But you must know I would never seek your help if I had another choice,” you said, your voice strained and your eyes pleading as you kept your gaze firm on Allura. The princess’ expression was guarded, but held also something that was almost reverence, and Hunk got the feeling she knew exactly who you were–or at least what you were.

“As I said, I am a Comet. You have probably heard of my people, whether the ones talking about us knew what they were saying or not, but you probably have never made the connection between the comets you know and beings like me.” With these words, you burned your fiery gaze through Keith’s as if defying him.

“Well,” said Lance hesitantly, “we do know of comets on Earth–but they’re nothing more than lumps of ice and space dust and gas that burn up in our atmosphere.” But his tone was questioning as he said it.

You smiled faintly. “That’s what we made you believe.” Hunk could almost feel five pairs of eyebrows lift at the same time. “You know of falling stars, yes?” you said patiently, and when they all nodded, “All falling stars are comets–and some are, indeed, lumps of ice and dust and gas.” An amused look towards Lance. “Others are Comets–capital C.

“We’re a nomad people. Pacifist. We travel across the universe, needing nothing but starlight to survive. Sometimes we touch down on a planet and mix with its population for a while. One lifetime. Two lifetimes. Maybe more. But we always return to the space between the stars. It’s where we belong.”

“If you’ve always been around,” began Shiro cautiously, eyeing you as if he didn’t quite know what to make of you, “why has no one ever heard of you?”

“They have,” you stated simply, ember eyes flicking to Allura and Coran. “We stay out of wars. We don’t have a home for belligerents to conquer or destroy–we’re perfectly happy roaming between the stars. We don’t fight.” The words were tinged with a sadness Hunk couldn’t quite place. There’s a twinge in his gut.

Allura cleared her throat. “Comets were always regarded as deities, back on Altea. They represented everything important to us–freedom. Peace. Tranquillity.”

“Whenever a Comet touched down on Altea, they were treated with the utmost respect and were offered hospitality in the Castle of Lions,” continued Coran, a sad smile upon his face. “They always refused, wanting to be among the people instead. They never asked for anything in return, and what could we give to them? They lived so much longer than us. They were so much wiser than us. There was nothing we could give them except for kindness.”

“We never wanted anything more,” you said in that twinkling voice of yours. But then your eyes grew sad, the embers dimming to nothing more than a slight glow.

“Why did you come?” asked Allura–the question that had been burning on everyone’s lips from the moment you stepped inside the castle.

Your lips pursed themselves into a straight line, and as you screwed your eyes shut a single tear slid down your cheek. It was black and seemed to suck all the light into itself instead of glowing with it like the rest of you did. “The Galra found a way of harvesting a Comet’s quintessence,” you said shakily. When you opened your eyes again, they were blazing with a fury that almost has Hunk shrink back in his seat. “My people have been disappearing from all over the universe. We don’t know how to fight, it’s not what we were meant to do–how are we supposed to resist?” You balled your fists. “I don’t even know how many of us are left.”

Allura had her hands clapped over her mouth, and Coran had gone stark white. Looks of confusion were painted across the other’s faces, mixed with sympathy and anger. Shiro ran a hand through his hair. “The Galra have been capturing your people for their quintessence?”

You sighed shakily. “A Comet is aeons worth of starlight and energy. If you can harvest that much power all at once…” You shivered, looking suddenly very small and weak.

A spark of anger ignited in Hunk’s chest and he clenched his fist underneath the table. This was just another example of how the Galra would stop at nothing to get more power. They would just keep on destroying and harvesting–even if it meant wiping an entire people from the universe. But he remembered with a shock that it wasn’t the first time they’d done that, either; Allura and Coran were living proof of that.

“We’ll help you,” he found himself saying. Now everyone turned to him, and Keith shot him a murderous glare, and he was probably right to do so–it was way too quick to agree to something like this. But now that the words were out there he couldn’t take them back anymore. Hunk tried for an encouraging smile your way.

“Of course we’ll help you,” said Allura after a moment of silence. She took a breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, determination glinted in them. Hunk had seen this look on her before. It was the one she wore just before going to battle. “Coran and I know what it’s like to watch your people fall right before your eyes better than anyone. Of course we’ll help you.”

And that was that.

You were given your own room, at the end of the corridor and opposite Hunk’s. Everyone agreed you shouldn’t be left to roam the universe on your own when the Galra were rounding up Comets left and right, and you seemed beyond relieved that the team had decided to help you. When Hunk asked if Comets even slept, you merely smiled. “Not as far as I know… but there’s a first time for everything, right?” Your ember eyes, burning into his.

He grinned, expression a mirror image of your own. “Right.”

You arranged a meeting with Allura, Coran and Shiro first thing the next day and left the room. Everyone sagged in their seats and released puffs of air. Hunk pushed back his chair and prepared to get back to his own room, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He looked up right into Keith’s scowling face.

“You were stupid to just agree to help them like that,” he hissed, voice low so only Hunk can hear him. The rest talked in hushed voices, their heads close together. He opened his mouth to retort but again Keith cut him off. “I’m not gonna say anything to them–but know that I’ll keep an eye on them. I don’t trust this. I don’t trust them.”

“You still think this is some scheme from the Galra to try and infiltrate us?”

“They’re insane enough for it. But, Hunk?” He paused, violet eyes hard and steely. “If this all goes to shit, and any one of us gets hurt? That’s on you.” He let go and joined the others before Hunk could answer.

Despite Keith’s bitter words from the first night, the others seemed to warm up to you pretty quick–including Hunk himself.

You were the type of person anyone liked to be around: cheerful, always kind, always trying to help in whatever small ways you could. You glowed, lighting up a room by simply being in it. Hunk caught himself staring at you more often than he’d like to admit. Sometimes you’d meet his eyes. Smile. Hunk would look away, cheeks tinged red in embarrassment.

Around two weeks passed before there was another meeting. There had been small missions; gathering intel, trying to find out where the Galra took the Comets once they’d been captured, how they were captured, what was done with them. They’d all been working themselves to the bone to get all the information they needed to craft a solid plan. Now seemed they could at least lay down a base.

Shiro pressed a button and a hologram map sprang to life in the middle of the room. “This is where we think the Comets are taken once they’re captured,” he announced. Straight to the point, Hunk thought. All right.

“It’s a base in the Kianre quadrant, section KV-23. We’ve searched out for it. Found nothing but a whole lot of radiation emanating from this exact spot.” He wrote down some coordinates. “They’ve concealed the base, but now that we know it’s there, that’s not a problem anymore.”

Lance raised his hand. “So. This might be a stupid question, but why don’t we just form Voltron and blow the base up? Boom. Problem solved.”

“It’s what we would do if there wasn’t the slightest chance that there are actual alive Comets still being held captive there. We just can’t risk it,” said Allura.

“All right, then.” Pidge puckered her lips. “So it’s a stealth slash extraction mission then?”

Shiro nodded. “That’s right. The plan is to go in, find the Comets, take them to the lions, find out how the Galra harvested their quintessence and destroy it.”

“Sounds awfully simple when you put it like that,” muttered Keith from behind his crossed arms. A wave of irritation washed over Hunk and he bit back a retort. Why couldn’t Keith just relax? He saw threats where there weren’t any.

They discussed strategics. Hunk pitched in here and there, scratching the back of his neck and casting looks at you every now and then. You were a little off to the side, fiddling with your fingers. You looked, for the first time, unsure of yourself. As if you didn’t quite know why you were there. The glow permanently surrounding you had dimmed.

“Y/N,” called Allura.

Your head jerked up. “Yes?”

“Do you know how to fight?”

You pursed your lips. “I’ve never had to fight. I wasn’t trained.”

“So that’s a no,” said Lance helpfully. Hunk kind of wanted to punch him.

Allura looked torn, trying so hard to keep a straight face. “There’s nothing you can do to defend yourself?”

“I mean… I can manipulate my light a bit,” you mumbled, drawing your hand to your chest. shy under the sudden attention. “I’m only a young Comet. I have yet so much to learn…” Your fingers opened and closed, a little ball of pure golden light dancing between them. It was hypnotising. “It’s not much of a weapon, though, I don’t think.”

Allura and Shiro shared a look between them, and Hunk sensed that in that look a whole debate took place. Finally Shiro lowered his gaze and sighed. “Y/N, I’m sorry, but you won’t be able to come with us on the mission.”

You pursed your lips, clenching your hands into fists at your side. You looked like you wanted to say something, but thought better of it in the end: the decision had been made. You sat down, your gaze firm on the floor and your fingers entwined.

Shiro put a hand on your shoulder. Your body tensed ever so slightly–Hunk didn’t think anyone but him noticed. “I’m really, truly sorry.”

“No, I get it,” you muttered. “It’s okay. Really.”

You didn’t say anything more after that. You stayed until the end of the meeting, and Hunk was impressed with you for that because he could see how much it hurt you, the knowledge that everything could go wrong in a second and you would be powerless to do anything about it. But when Allura declared the meeting over, you were the first to exit the room.

It made Hunk’s chest ache. Seeing you like this–shoulders hunched, glow dimmed, completely deflated–made his chest ache. He wished there was something he could do to help. Just make sure the mission goes all right, he told himself. Just make sure their pain isn’t for nothing.

Hunk could feel the anticipation building inside the Castle as preparations were made. Their training schedules were altered, so every moment they weren’t resting or out and about they were holed up on the training deck, working their asses off.

Shiro yelled, “Training sequence over!” The sound of the training bot deactivating was the most beautiful sound Hunk had heard all day. He blew out a breath and let himself fall to the floor where he sat cross-legged, grinning at Lance who was splayed out on his back and making sure everyone knew how tired he was.

“I swear to everything that’s holy,” he said, staring up at the ceiling from where he starfished on the floor, “once we get the Comets out of that base I am rewarding myself by not doing any form of exercise for a week.”

Shiro frowned. Hunk knew you were supposed to stretch your muscles out after exercising. Technically. Shiro was the only one doing it. “That’s not a reward. You’ve gotta keep in shape, Lance.”

“Shut up. My limbs are jelly.” Lance demonstrated this by meekly flopping his arms.

Behind Shiro, sitting against the wall, Keith rolled his eyes. “We’re probably all going to die anyway in this stupid rescue mission. So I don’t see the point.”

Pidge sighed audibly. “Okay. So I know you never liked this idea to begin with but can you please don’t be a dick about it?”

Lance now sat up. “Yeah, I mean, what is your problem? Not to be passive-aggressive,” he added quickly, “I’m actually genuinely curious.”

Keith pulled his knees up to his chest, eyes pointedly to the wall opposite him. “I just don’t trust Y/N.” Now it was Hunk’s turn to sigh and roll his eyes.

“Why not, though?” Pidge asked, eyebrows knotting together. “They’ve been nothing but kind and helpful.”

Keith shrugged again. “I don’t know. Just a feeling.” There was a pause. “It’s just–don’t you think it’s weird that they just… showed up? Like, there was no warning, no distress signal, no nothing. None of us except for Coran and Allura have even heard of Comets before. And yeah, I get it. They need help. Their people need help. But still.” A defiant look Hunk’s way. “It doesn’t sit right with me.”

And with that happy thought, he pushed himself up and left the room.

“Well,” said Lance after a while, “paranoid much?”

But Shiro’s eyes had taken on that sheen that screamed doubt. His jaw was set, and Hunk could almost see the gears turn in his head. Even though it wasn’t clear if he actually believed Keith, the fact that his words had let Shiro doubt whether what they were doing was the right thing was enough to make Hunk past uncomfortable. He narrowed his eyes.

“You don’t actually think he’s right, right?”

Shiro turned to him, everything about his expression masked with doubt. “He might have a point, you know.”

“Oh my god,” Hunk choked out. Scrambling up, he grabbed his bayard and threw up his arms. “Y/N needs help! When have we ever refused anyone help?” He glared at Shiro. “They watched their civilization get destroyed. We’re their last resort! And you’re starting to doubt if they’re even telling the truth?”

Pidge stood up now, too. “I’m with Hunk on this one. Y/N doesn’t seem the type to be a traitor or something. A spy? They can’t even fight to defend themselves! And I don’t think I’ve ever caught them lie.”

“Maybe they’re just good at their job,” muttered Lance.

The words hit Hunk like a truck. “You too?”

Lance gave an apologetic shrug. “I’m not saying I don’t trust them. But Keith does have a point when he’s talking about how randomly they just showed up. You’d think we’d hear about it if beings as powerful as the Comets were being rounded up en masse.” He sniffed, rubbing his arm. “I’m just saying we could be a little more careful.”

Hunk bit his tongue, knowing that if he let his emotions spill over now he would say things he was for sure going to regret later. Instead he turned and headed for the door, making sure to slam it shut behind him.

He had the whole trip to his room to calm down, taking deep breaths and shaking his head as if he could shake the others’ words out of his mind. There was nothing wrong with a healthy dose of suspicion–but you?

Cheerful you, who Hunk was sure had never hurt a fly in your life. You, who made him laugh every evening at dinner, talking animatedly to anyone who would listen. You who were always keen to try whatever new concoction he’d come up with in the kitchen and tried your best to convince him he’d done a good job, even when he could see the strain in your grin. You who could make him feel better by simply being by his side.

One hand on his doorknob, he bit his lip. You hadn’t been much out of your room since the meeting; only for food (and even that was just out of politeness since Comets didn’t need to eat) and occasionally for a chat or two. It was clear you didn’t want to be reminded that the fate of your people lay in the others’ hands and that you could do nothing about it. But there was an itch in Hunk’s chest–he wanted to see you. Hear your voice.

So he spun on his heel and marched to the door opposite his own.

He had to knock twice before he got an answer. Your “Yeah?” sounded slightly irritated, and Hunk pulled back his hand, but before he could decide if this was actually a good idea you opened the door, eyes widening ever so slightly at the sight of him. “Hunk! Hi.”

“Hey,” he said, fighting the urge to awkwardly balance on his heels. There were smudges of something dark under your eyes and on your cheeks. Hunk frowned. Had you been crying? Your eyes weren’t rimmed purple like they had been when you’d cried that first day you were here, but there was still something about the darkness on your face that made Hunk the slightest bit uncomfortable.

“Um… did you–uh–want anything? Or…”

Hunk jumped, feeling his own face heat up. “Oh, uh, no? Not really. I just wanted to check on you.” Your gaze softened and he suddenly really wanted to wipe away the smudges on your face. But he didn’t. Because that would be weird. “Are you okay?”

You grinned. Carefully. As if smiles were a fragile thing. And in a way, Hunk guessed they were. “Mostly. I’ve just been… you know. Stressed out. About stuff.”

Hunk sensed there was something you weren’t telling him, but he didn’t want to pressure you. If you wanted to tell him, you would. End of story. But your eyes were full of insecurities and doubt and there was something you weren’t telling him and it was something important. He opened his mouth to ask about it–but you cut him off with a question of your own.

“Hunk, do you ever feel like you’ve made a horrible, terrible mistake?”

The question caught him so off-guard he was rendered speechless for a second. But you were looking at him expectantly, almost desperately, so he thought about it before answering. “Well, I mean–of course. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. But, you know, that’s okay. Everyone does.”

You nodded, chewing on your lower lip. You avoided his eyes as you mulled over his words. “And… when you realise you’ve made a mistake. What do you do?”

Hunk cocked his head. He didn’t quite understand what you were on about, but if he could help…

“Well, I try and fix it, don’t I? Almost every mistake can be fixed. Even trying goes a long way.”

Again you nodded, your eyes distant and your eyebrows furrowed. Your lips were moving, but whatever you were saying Hunk couldn’t make out. Your fingers fiddled with something dark but shiny, almost subconsciously. Upon closer inspection, Hunk saw it was a piece of fabric. It looked a lot like silk–but it also didn’t look like anything Hunk had ever seen before. The fabric was shimmery and seemed to shift between hues of blue and purple and black, glittering here and there with silver stars, as if someone had pinched a piece out of the universe and wove it together.

You saw him looking. Quickly withdrew the piece of cloth from sight. “Oh, that’s just–I’ve had it for ages. It’s like a good luck charm.”

Hunk nodded quickly. “Right.”

There was something else. He could tell. There was something else and it was bothering you and all he wanted to do was help–but if you wouldn’t tell him… Maybe this was something you needed to deal with on your own. He resisted the urge to pout. “Well, if you need anything else…”

Your eyes widened and snapped back to his face as if you’d forgotten he was still there. “Yeah. Sure. Thanks.”

He smiled. You smiled back. Before Hunk closed the door to his own room, he swore he could see a tear track down your cheek.

– – –

It was finally the day, and the tension could be felt throughout the entire castle. Hunk bounced on his feet, repeating the plan in his head, rolling his shoulders. Lance and Shiro were practising hand-to-hand combat. Pidge checked the wirings inside their helmets. Allura spoke with Coran in hushed tones, frantically waving her hands around. Keith sulked in a corner.

You were nowhere to be seen, and it made Hunk uncomfortable.

He’d thought you’d see them off, at least. You wouldn’t be completely alone during the time the rest went on the mission; you’d have Coran to keep you company. But still–your absence was unnerving, and he was positive the others felt it too. They were lingering, hoping you’d show up without having to go get you. He could almost hear Keith biting back some snarky remarks.

At last, Shiro sighed. “We have to go.”

Hunk kept hoping you’d come until his lion shot out of the hangar and joined the others. No sign of you. He ignored the disappointed prick in his chest. Maybe it was too difficult for you to see them leave without you, he told himself. Maybe you’d fallen asleep. Maybe, maybe, maybe. It didn’t give him any certainty. It didn’t make him feel better.

The ride was silent. Everyone was alone with their own thoughts. There wasn’t as much nervous chatter as there usually would have been. It only added to the ominous atmosphere pressing onto them. Something was askew, and yet no one wanted to mention it.

So they kept going.

The view was nice as ever, yet Hunk couldn’t bring himself to enjoy it. His mind was filled with worry; for you, for himself, for his friends. So much could go wrong. He should speak up. They weren’t ready enough. They weren’t prepared enough. It was going to go wrong.

If this all goes to shit, if any one of us gets hurt–that’s on you.

He groaned, lowering his face into his hands. When he closed his eyes, all he could see were your own staring back, blazing embers forged out of pure starlight. It made his thoughts muddy and his actions sluggish. He started doubting his every move. Things he used to be absolutely certain of weren’t so clear anymore.

He hated it. He wanted it to stop.

It was probably the stress, he thought. The pressure of this one particular mission that could determine an entire civilization’s fate, and yet… they’d done missions of an even more important scale before, and he had never reacted like this. A voice inside him murmured, but this mission isn’t like the others. Because the others weren’t about you.

“Dammit,” he muttered, rubbing his temples. He vaguely noted how hot his forehead felt.

“All right folks, we’re getting close to the Kianre quadrant. We probably have ten minutes left to go before we reach the concerned sector. Get ready,” said Shiro’s tight voice over the speakers. It wasn’t like him to sound this nervous, Hunk thought. But then again–they’d all sounded nervous. Nothing made any sense anymore.

There was a flash and a kind of humming sound. The air charged with energy. It pressed down on Hunk and he yelped in surprise, squeezing his eyes shut against the bright light suddenly filling his lion’s cockpit.

“Call off the mission,” you said in a hurried voice.

Hunk almost fell out of his chair. “Wh-what?” he spluttered, blinking furiously to get at least some of his sight back. When he did, and he focused on the figure standing behind him, he blinked a few more times for good measure. To make sure what he was seeing was real.

You grabbed his arm, fiery eyes burning into his with an intensity he hadn’t seen before. “Hunk. Call of the mission. Now.”

“I can’t just do that,” he said weakly, head still spinning from the rather unexpected turn of events.

You exhaled sharply. “Right. Okay. But Shiro can.” There was a flash again, and you were gone.

Hunk shook his head, still dazed, and pulled his lion to a halt. In his helmet, Pidge’s voice piped up. “Hunk, what’s wrong?” He didn’t quite know how to answer.

Then the comms crackled. “This is Y/N. Turn around and get back to the castle as quick as you can. The mission’s cancelled.” The connection broke.

There was exactly one second of silence before everyone started talking at once, but there was a flash again and something shot past Hunk’s window. It went too fast for him to make out anything more than a yellow-golden streak, but the resemblance to a shooting star was too big for Hunk to ignore. It was you. Somehow, this stripe of light was you. He was sure of it.

“Wait, wait–what just happened? Was that really Y/N?” Lance squeaked, his face appearing on Hunk’s screen along with all the others. They all looked at Shiro.

He nodded grimly. “I don’t know what that was all about. But they seemed genuinely distressed–”

Hunk interrupted before he could think better of it. “Well, actually, I don’t think they were distressed as much as they were angry. Frustrated.”

“What?”

“You know. I’ve seen them actually distressed. Scared, and everything. This wasn’t that,” he said, shrinking back in his seat because of the looks his teammates were sending him.

“They came for you too?” said Keith sharply. “I knew we couldn’t trust them–!”

“They came to me,” Hunk corrected, irritated. “And we don’t know what they’re on about. Maybe Coran got hold of some new information that changed the whole situation completely. Stop being so quick to judge.”

“Okay, so let’s assume that’s the case,” said Keith angrily. “Coran couldn’t have sent us a message?”

“Maybe there was interference! That’s happened before!” Hunk threw up his arms. “I don’t know, damn it!”

“Guys.” There was a warning in Shiro’s voice Hunk didn’t want to challenge. “We’ll discuss it back at the Castle. Let’s just get going.” He frowned. “Y/N has some explaining to do.”

You were pacing, waiting for them in the hangar. Hunk noticed now that you did look distressed, but as soon as you looked up and met his eyes a huge weight seemed to lift off your shoulders. You still acted strange–a little scary–but you hurried towards him, only stopping in front of him at the last second, looking like you had to restrain yourself from throwing your arms around him. “Thank the stars,” you breathed when every lion touched down.

Keith was out first, and he stomped up to you, yanking off his helmet and pointing an accusatory finger at your chest. “You better start explaining right now–”

“Keith,” hissed Lance from behind him, looking equally cautious and curious as to what you had to say.

You cringed away slightly. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Where’s Coran?” Allura’s eyes grew increasingly worried as they scanned the hangar for him. Then they snapped back to you and filled with fury. “If you’ve laid a single finger on Coran, I swear to–”

“He’s fine,” you assured her quickly, a dark blue blush creeping up on your cheeks. “He’s–in his room. Asleep.” You flinched when you said the words. “He wouldn’t let me go warn you, and, well... not many people know Comets produce a kind of sleeping dust.” You held up a hand. Something resembling sparkly golden sand swirled in between your fingers. Everyone took a step back, their hands hovering around their bayards and their gazes fixed on your hands. “I won’t use it on you!” you said hurriedly. “I never do, when I can help it, but I had no other choice.”

“Like you had no other choice coming to us for help?” Shiro’s voice was dangerously low. Hunk could see the fingers of his prosthetic hand flexing and curling. “It’s time you start talking, Y/N.”

You took a breath. “Most of what I said is true. My people are getting captured by the Galra and they are being drained of their quintessence.”

“But you also lied.” It wasn’t a question, yet Allura glared at you as if she expected an answer.

“I did.” You stuck your chin up slightly, your hands curling to fists at your side. “I was captured by the Galra too. And there are no more of us left. Not free, at least.” You sighed shakily. “The Galra decided they could use me for more than just my quintessence: luring Voltron into a trap. With bait they can’t resist.”

“You,” breathed Hunk. The heavy weight of betrayal settled on his chest, the floor suddenly pulled out from beneath him. His whole world had been turned upside down. You threw him a pleading look. A look that screamed I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

“Someone in need of help,” you said quietly. “They knew you wouldn’t throw me back out. Because you help people–it’s what you’re here to do.” Tears brimmed your eyes and you blinked them away angrily. “Anyway. You were supposed to find the base and ambush it, except they would be ready. You’d be captured along with the lions and eventually killed.”

The simple way you said it made Hunk want to throw up. Or maybe it was the thought of having been so close to death and not even knowing it that made his head spin. He grabbed onto the nearest pillar to steady himself.

“So all this time you knew,” said Shiro in a low voice. Again, it wasn’t a question.

You nodded stiffly. “I couldn’t–I couldn’t let you get killed.”

“Well, that’s a nice sentiment, isn’t it?” Keith growled, making half a step forward. He looked as if he physically wanted to fight you that very second. “You were going to let us get killed. While we were fighting for you.”

“But I didn’t,” you whispered pleadingly. “I know that doesn’t make up for the lies I’ve told. I really truly am sorry.” You looked directly at Allura now. “The Galra General–I don’t know his name–injected a tracker inside of me before sending me here. I managed to cut it out without destroying it.”

On your open palm lay a little metal object, about the size of a pill, covered in your strange night-sky-black blood. It was flickering with a little orange light. “It would have alerted them if they saw I left the Castle. I don’t know how long will go by before they realise you won’t be coming.”

Allura took a step back. “Keep that thing away from me.”

“I’ll take it,” said Pidge quietly before she plucked the little tracking device from your hand. She was the one who looked the less shaken by the whole situation. The one who acted the less hostile towards you. Which Hunk found strange–he’d thought Pidge would be utterly devastated, especially after having expressed her trust in you when everyone else had their suspicions.

Keith had pulled Shiro aside and was whisper-yelling to him and Allura, a mix of anger and smugness on his face. Smugness because he’d been right from the start, Hunk suspected. Lance was awkwardly hovering close enough so he could hear what they were saying, but not be an actual part of the conversation. Lance had liked you from the very first moment. He looked torn between anger and sadness, having run his hands through his hair so many times it stuck up in all directions.

You rubbed your collarbone absent-mindedly. A bandage was wrapped around your chest, barely peeking out from beneath your shirt. Hunk wondered if that was where the tracker had sat before you cut it out. You saw him look. “I kind of ruined one of your knives when I took it out,” you mumbled. “Comet blood’s close to impossible to wash off of metal. The stains are nasty.”

Hunk nodded dumbly. “Good to–good to know.”

“I think I can trace the signal this thing’s reacting to,” Pidge said as she studied the little device. “If I’m careful.”

“I’ll help,” said Hunk. Anything to take his mind off of you.

Pidge smiled at him. “Thanks.”

“Hunk?” Your voice was small, but when Hunk’s eyes met yours, he saw nothing but determination. There was a pause in which neither of you said anything, and Hunk almost lost himself in the fire that burned in them, brighter than ever. “I know you're mad at me, and you have every right to be--but this is my way of fixing a mistake.”

Hunk nodded. There wasn’t much else he could do.

Allura and Shiro decided, despite Keith’s protests, that it was best to keep you in the castle at least for a while. You still knew things that could be of possible use to them, and you didn’t show any signs of wanting to leave. As a matter of fact, when Allura informed you that you were basically their prisoner now, all you did was shrug and say “Okay.”

Not a very villainous thing to do, in Hunk’s opinion.

You were escorted to the cells, Keith and Shiro by your sides. Keith had his bayard drawn, probably because he wanted to look intimidating, because Hunk suspected you could get away from them any second you wanted, if what he’d seen in his lion was anything to go by. But you didn’t. You stayed. You were cooperative. It puzzled Hunk beyond belief.

When you were safely stashed away and Shiro and Keith had come back they all flunked down around the big dining table, plates of food goo waiting for them. It was silent for a good while. Allura had gone up to check on Coran, only returning when she was sure you had been telling the truth and he was merely asleep. With a few taps on the cheek, he was up and about again. A relief, even though Hunk had never thought you’d actually hurt Coran.

Finally Lance threw his fork down. “I just can’t believe…” His voice trailed off. “I mean, Y/N? They’re not like that! None of this makes sense.”

“They confessed, Lance. End of story.” Keith kept his gaze firm on his own plate of goo. He didn’t eat, though. Merely pushed around bits of goo with his fork.

“You know, there are parts of this that don’t make sense,” Pidge chimed in. Hunk didn’t understand how she could just chow away at her food, not with everything that just happened. “There are parts that do. And then there are parts that don’t.” She swallowed. “I get the feeling Y/N’s not telling us everything.”

“I know, Pidge,” said Allura. “It’s bothering me as well.”

“You can just ask them, you know,” Hunk muttered, sagged in his chair. “It’s not like they show resistance. They’ll answer your questions.”

“Do you have something to say, Hunk?” There was the hostile edge to Keith’s voice again.

Hunk exhaled. “No. I just don’t think it was necessary to throw Y/N in a cell.”

“They’re dangerous–”

“Okay, listen. We’re all upset, but we’re forgetting one thing here,” said Hunk, slamming down his fork, finally giving in to his irritation. “Y/N made the right choice in the end. No one got hurt. They answered all our questions and explained themselves. They cut the tracker out of their body to come warn us.”

“They’re still a traitor–!”

“Because you’re not looking at it from their point of view! I’m not saying we should immediately forgive and forget, but we can afford to go a little gentler on them, you know. Their people are being slowly killed and robbed of their quintessence, in case you forgot.”

Hunk hadn’t intended for the snide tone to edge his words, but it had crept in there anyway. He was worked up, and as he pushed his chair back and stood up, he had to curl his hands into fists to keep them from trembling. He snatched a towel up and wet it under the sink. “Don’t follow me.” And he left the room.

You were sitting with your back to the glass wall of your holding cell when Hunk pushed open the door. You immediately straightened, eyes darting around–but there was no fear in them. Only curiosity and caution, but no real fear. He pressed the button that made a panel to your cell slide open and he stepped in.

“You’re not scared I’ll kill you?” you said, a ghost of a smile on your lips and a twinkle in your eyes.

Hunk snorted, crouching down and tugging at the bandage on your chest. “Nah. Not that you’re not capable of doing so,” he added, “because I totally think you are. But I’m not worried about it.”

Your sleeve fell down a bit, and when he pushed aside the last layer of the bandage a gaping black wound was revealed, just between your shoulder and your neck. He flinched slightly at the unfamiliarity of it–but you gently pushed his hand away and tugged the bandage back into place. “It’s okay. Don’t mind that.” Hunk pretended not to see you grimace in pain.

So he twirled the wet towel in his hands and said nothing for a while. He pointedly avoided looking you in the eye.

“You don’t have questions?”

Hunk’s head snapped up. “What?”

You shrugged. “Well. I wasn’t really expecting anyone for at least a bit longer. But you’re here.” You regarded him curiously. “That must mean you have questions.”

Hunk hesitated. “Just one, really.” You waited, eyes expectant. “Why did you save us?”

You raised an eyebrow. “That’s not the question I was expecting.”

“I’m still curious.”

You mulled it over. “I guess… I don’t know. I’d started to care about you. You were so keen on helping me, and you didn’t even know who I was before I showed up–lying to you grew more painful by the day. I hated every second of it. Hated myself every second of it.” You cast him a tired look. “They promised me they wouldn’t harm her if I did it, you know. My sister.”

Hunk almost choked on air. “What?”

You sagged, back against the wall and arms crossed. “They said–they said if I refused the operation they’d kill her and make me watch. I didn’t hear anything she said, but the walls are clear. They like to be able to see their specimens.” Your voice was strangely monotone, carefully devoid of any emotion. Hunk listened with horror, unable to speak. “She was begging me not to do it. Begging. Screaming and crying and clawing at the walls. I could read her lips. ‘Don’t you do it, Y/N. Don’t you dare.’ Kyra’s always been a firm believer in peace.”

You pulled out the piece of dark cloth and started rubbing it out of habit. “This is her handkerchief. She made it herself. Used to carry it everywhere she went.”

Hunk took all of that in, mind racing with the bomb you’d just dropped. “You needed to protect your sister.”

“Twin, actually, as you’d call it. We were forged out of the same star.”

“Forged out of the same–”

“It’s Comet birth stuff. It’s complicated.”

“Right.”

A pause. Then you grabbed his hand. Your fingers curled around his, palm pulsing with a heat that coursed through his entire body from the second you touched him. If starlight was an emotion, he was currently experiencing it. He didn’t want it to ever stop.

“My sister is the only one in that facility, Hunk,” you said quietly. “They needed leverage and Kyra was perfect for it. I don’t know where the others are. I doubt they’re even still alive. But I’ve been having–I’ve been having these visions…” You shivered. “She’s getting worse. I don’t think I have much time left. I don’t know what to do.”

Hunk knew he should have been suspicious, or at least cautious to a certain degree–you had just lied to them for a month. This could just be another ploy from the Galra to make the team trust you again, but then he looked you in the eye and there was nothing but honesty there. As if you knew what he was thinking, you pulled your hand away, a dark blue blush dotting your cheeks. His hand felt oddly cold without yours in it.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Hunk. Not now. Not about this.”

“I believe you.” And he meant the words with every fibre of his being.

– – –

“They only wanted to protect their sister.”

Pidge looked up from where she was fiddling with the tracker still covered in your blood (they’d tried cleaning it, but you weren’t exaggerating when you’d said that Comet blood was impossible to get off of metal), her eyes huge behind specialised magnifying glasses. “Say what now?”

Hunk plopped down in front of her. “They were set up. The base we found is the place where the Galra are holding Y/N’s sister. They threatened to kill her if they wouldn’t cooperate.”

Pidge’s face went white. Hunk knew he’d made the right choice to tell her–they were still looking for Matt, and even though she was utterly convinced he was still alive, Hunk could see how scared she was for him. She put her tools down, fingers shaky. “You’re sure about this? How do you know they’re telling the truth?”

“They wouldn’t lie about this. Not right now,” Hunk said, echoing your words from earlier. “We have to help them.”

“We have to tell Shiro and Allura about this is what we have to do.”

“That too. And then help them.”

He started pulling her up but felt she was a little bit reluctant. He frowned. “What?”

She shrugged. “I’m just saying… They’ve lied to us before. This could just be another ploy.”

“Not this time,” Hunk said with all the confidence he could muster. And that was a lot. There weren’t many things that he was sure of at the moment, but you telling the truth about your sister was one of them. “I swear. I can swear on their behalf, they’re telling the truth.”

Allura reacted about the way Hunk had expected.

“It’s a lie,” she snapped immediately, but Hunk could sense something in her crumble. “They’re trying to finish what they started. It’s bullshit.”

“I get why you’d think that,” said Hunk, “but please just hear me out. Or better yet, hear Y/N out. It’s the truth–and it makes perfect sense. It explains why they couldn’t say exactly how they’d found us. It explains why they always were trying to do something; to take their mind off their dying sister. It explains why I found them crying on multiple occasions in their room. It explains everything, Allura.”

Allura looked torn, on the verge of tears. “I don’t want any of us to get hurt, Hunk.”

“But we know what to expect now! We can do this.”

“Wait–what’s this all about?” Keith and Lance stood in the doorway, caution painted upon both their features. Keith’s expression immediately grew guarded as Pidge quickly explained what was going on, but Lance looked, if anything, relieved.

“I knew it. I knew they weren’t a bad person.”

“No,” said Keith flatly. “I’m not having this conversation again.”

“Then don’t. You won’t even try and understand where they’re coming from,” Hunk said, irritation stinging his throat.

“Why don’t we go ask Y/N themselves?” Shiro interjected. “I wanted to go talk to them anyway.”

Keith still looked set, eyes steely. “Fine. I’ll come. To prove to all of you they’re lying again, and stop this once and for all.”

So all seven of them trudged down the stairs again to your cell. If Hunk hadn’t been so worked up, he would have made a comment about how they looked like a herd of sheep looking for their shepherd. But now wasn’t the time for jokes. His mind hummed with anticipation.

You were pacing in your cell when Shiro punched the button for the door to slide open. You looked up, eyebrows raised.

“Get out,” he said. You did. “Explain.” You cast a look at Hunk, then you did.

Everyone listened intently as you told your story. It wasn’t much different from what you’d told Hunk, so he allowed himself to look at the others’ expressions. Allura was closed off. Shiro and Lance were sympathetic, Pidge was wringing her hands–no doubt thinking about Matt–and Keith, of course, being Keith, was scowling, a few feet away from the rest of the group with his arms crossed.

“Y/N–I want to believe you. I really do,” said Allura when you’d finished talking. “But you’ve lied to us before and I don’t know whether to trust you on this.”

You gave a resigned nod. “I know. I’m not blaming you. This time, though, I’m not asking for you to trust me or to help me. I’ll be going back anyway.”

Hunk’s heart skipped a beat. “What?” he blurted.

You looked at him–really looked at him, and he felt like his knees could give out any second. “I failed the operation I was given. That’s okay. But I owe it to my sister to at least own up to that. She’ll die–I will, too, probably–and the last of the Comets will be gone forever. But I’ll go out with a bang, take the base with me and as many of the Galra as I possibly can. I won’t go peacefully. I owe that to my people.”

“No,” Hunk said before he could think better of it. “No, you don’t–you can’t do that. Why would you do that?”

“You don’t get to make this choice for me.” You stood your ground, fists balled at your sides. Before you could go anywhere, though, a hand came to rest on your shoulder.

“Y/N, Hunk’s right,” said Keith–of all people, Keith was the one trying to talk you out of this ridiculous idea. Hunk didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry. “I’m sorry I was a dick to you. But I don’t–there has to be another way. You don’t have to do this.”

You smiled before gently shoving his hand off your shoulder. “Apology accepted. Still gonna do it.” You started marching for the hangar. No one moved for a second, stunned as they all were. Hunk snapped out of his daze first, and he sprinted to catch up with you.

“Y/N! Wait.”

You stiffened. When you turned around, dark blue rimmed your eyes, sorrow and anger and determination swirling in your ember eyes. “Let me do this, Hunk.” You brought a hand up to your chest, taking a small step back when Hunk approached you. “I want to do this.”

“No, you don’t.” Hunk didn’t know exactly what he was saying, but the words started pouring out before he could stop them. The only thought looping around in his mind was Stop them. Save them. Don’t let them get hurt. “You think you don’t have a choice. You do. Let me come with you. Let us all come with you. We can save your sister and we can destroy the base. Together. Please.”

“Hunk–”

“Y/N.” He took another step closer to you. You were close now, looking up at him through your eyelashes, dark tears spilling onto your cheeks. The stone-hard determination in your eyes was starting to crumble. He took your face in his hands, pressing his forehead to yours. “There are mistakes you can’t fix. Let me come with you. Let me help you. Please.”

And then he was kissing you. Your lips were warm, warmer than he’d expected–but he was revelling in it, and when you brought a shaking hand up to his cheek and kissed him back, he felt invincible. Like nothing could touch him, because he was here and he was kissing you.

He pulled away. “Please,” he whispered.

You took a shaky breath, fingers tracing his jaw, chewing the inside of your cheek. Then you nodded, pulling back completely. Again you nodded, more sure of yourself this time. “Okay.”

A noise sounded behind Hunk’s back. He turned to see the rest of the team hanging around the doorway, looking unsure of whether they wanted to come in or not. Allura looked slightly embarrassed, avoiding eye contact. Shiro’s eyes seemed to say: Really? Right now? But he was biting back a smile. Hunk had to hold back a grin of his own as he reached for your hand. He didn’t need to look back if you took it; the heat suddenly slipping in between his fingers was all he needed.

“C’mon,” he called to the others. He couldn’t imagine they’d still refuse to come. All resistance had completely vanished from their expressions. “We have a sister and a species to save.”

You rode with Hunk in his lion, pacing behind his chair as he shot out of the hangar, wringing your hands and muttering under your breath. Hunk cast you a look over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. “You okay?”

You gave him a tight smile. “Yeah. Just–worried. About Kyra.” The handkerchief had made its appearance in your hands again.

“We’ll get there soon,” said Hunk. “Kyra’s gonna be fine. You’ll see.” He hoped he was right.

During the trip, they worked up a makeshift plan. As soon as they started talking strategy, you hurried up to the front of the cockpit and steadied yourself on the back of Hunk’s chair, engaging in the conversation with sharp remarks and useful information about the base, the security there, the general layout of the place. Hunk felt a small burst of pride at how quickly you seemed to be able to readjust to a completely unexpected situation, though he also knew you were good at hiding your emotions. He would probably never truly know what went on in your mind–not unless you and him had time to work out… whatever it was that needed to be worked out. He didn’t quite know what you were to each other yet, but if the both of you came out of this in one piece…

He tried to push back the dopey smile threatening to creep up on his lips. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about an eventual future with you, damn it. There were other, more pressing matters at hand.

But your hand was warm on his shoulder and he allowed his mind, just for a moment, to wander and imagine the life you and him could lead. Together.

They arrived at the base way too soon.

They set the lions on a nearby asteroid because it would have moved closer to the base by the time they would need to get out (not much–but anything was something) and all of them piled into Pidge’s lion so she could get them to the base unnoticed. According to you, there was a blind spot at the underside of the base that wasn’t equipped with surveillance cameras, because you’d destroyed them prior to starting your mission.

Shiro had raised an eyebrow at that. “Were you planning something like this?”

You smiled a mischievous smile, and Hunk’s heart fluttered at the sight. “It’s good to be prepared.”

They touched down seemingly unnoticed. You had found some dark rags in Pidge’s lion, and Hunk had helped wrap them around your body, to at least dim the permanent glow that seeped from your skin. “How’s it look?” you said, voice muffled, from behind multiple layers of cloth that kind of made you look like a mummy, leaving only a slit for your eyes to peek through. In cases like these, it was nice that you didn’t need to, like, breathe.

“Fabulous.”

You rolled your eyes, but they crinkled at the corners, and Hunk couldn’t hold back a smile of his own. It probably wasn’t the best idea for the two of you to act all lovey-dovey in the moments before destroying a Galra base and causing general havoc, but hey–it might also be the last chance either of you had.

“Seriously. It looks fine. Very mysterious. It does the job.”

You nodded, eyes pensive. “What if we don’t find her? Or we do, but it’s too late?”

Hunk set his jaw. “We’ll blow up the base and everyone in it.”

You looked at him for a moment, ember eyes ablaze. “Sounds good.”

You were very stealthy when you needed to be.

Footsteps nearly soundless, you didn’t carry any weapons with you except a long knife the size of your forearm you’d borrowed from Keith, and you got rid of the guards you encountered quite effectively. Hunk didn’t even need to unlock his bayard the first two times. He raised an eyebrow at you. You grinned. “I might not be quite as helpless as I made it sound.”

No shit, Hunk thought.

They were lucky to have you. You mumbled to yourself as you led them through the corridors–you’d insisted on taking a small team inside (consisting of him, Pidge, and Keith) while the rest waited for your signal–as you tried to recall exactly where your sister was kept. You had to backtrack a few times, and almost caused them to run into a chattering group of Galra soldiers, but you were doing fine.

You skidded around a corner and halted, looking around, eyes suddenly bright and hopeful. “I know this. I remember this. We’re close. I can feel her.” Hunk almost smiled. They were almost there.

But then the alarms started blaring.

“What,” muttered Pidge as she furiously tapped her wristband. She looked up. “I lost control over the system. I don’t–that’s never happened before.”

“It’s okay, we have enough time,” you said quickly, making a beeline for a particular door on the far edge of the corridor. “Wait here.” And you exploded into dust.

Hunk stopped in his tracks, not quite sure of what just happened. Keith and Pidge looked just as stunned. But on the other side of the door, he could hear grunts and surprised yells, and at one point there was a clang as if something hit the door on the other side. “Uh..”

A minute later, the door hissed open and you beckoned them in. “She’s here. Come on.”

Kyra was trapped inside a cell that looked like a glass tube–but a glass tube filled with liquid and so small she had to twist herself into weird shapes to even fit in. There was almost nothing left of the glow that usually surrounded all Comets; it had dimmed to barely a shimmer rippling across her skin. Her jaw was clenched, and Hunk could see how hard she was trying to break the walls of her confinement, and when he eyes settled on you they went wide and a huge smile spread across her features. Her lips moved.

You ran up to her, pressing a hand to the tube. “Kyra.” You balled your hand to a fist. “I’m getting you out of here.”

Pidge was already moving for the control panel. Her fingers hesitantly moved over the buttons, pressing here and there and waiting for anything to happen. “I have no idea what I’m doing.” She pressed a button again. Something puffed and hissed out steam, but nothing happened.

In the distance, the rumbling of multiple Galra soldiers approached with every passing second. You launched yourself at the panel next to the door, slamming your hand on it so it closed, and then you hacked the panel off the wall with your knife. You’d successfully locked them in.

“It buys us time,” you said in response to Keith’s glare before running back to Pidge. “Can you get it to work?”

“With time. This is different from the other control panels I’ve seen, and everything is in Galran, of course… I can get it to open. How long do you think we’ve got?”

The first bang sounded on the other side of the door. It didn’t dent, but Hunk could have sworn the walls shook. His hands itched for his bayard, and he summoned it, just in case.

“Maybe five minutes,” you said, face steely but nerves lacing your voice. “Lucky us they had to reinforce the insides of this place so we wouldn’t wreak havoc.”

“Then how did you get in?” said Keith, off-topic, more out of nerves than anything else, suspected Hunk.

“They had to worry about us getting out, not getting in.”

“Right.”

A hiss. A splashing sound. And the tube retracted, liquid spilling out of it in waves and Kyra flopping onto the ground, hacking a lung out coughing (did Comets even have lungs?) and throwing her sopping hair out of her face, blinking furiously. You screamed, skidding onto your knees and slamming into her like a freight train, pressing your face into her shoulder and almost squeezing her to death.

“Y/N, Y/N,” Kyra choked out, weakly tapping your arm, “watch the ribs. Ow.”

You immediately let go. “Of course. Yeah. Sorry.” You pulled down the cloth hiding the bottom part of your face, revealing your massive grin. You frowned, pushing strands of sopping wet hair out of your sister’s face, turning her head this way and that to check if she was okay, fussing over her as you sat in front of her on your knees. Hunk suddenly felt like he was watching something very intimate, and he looked away, just for a second.

But then there was a crashing sound, and a dent appeared in the door. Pidge scrambled up, pushing her helmet back on. “We need to go. Y/N.”

You nodded. “Right. Right. Can you walk? Can you streak?”

“Walking, sure. I think. Running, maybe. Streaking, probably not,” said Kyra with a wince. She held on to your arm for a moment before taking some wobbly steps forward. “Whoa. Funny how months locked in a tiny tube can mess up one’s body.” Hunk pretended not to see how you flinched at that.

You caught his eye and nodded at him. “Now.”

Hunk gestured for everyone to flatten themselves against the wall, then told Shiro to hit them with the lasers. Not them, obviously, but the room they were in. And sure enough, a humming sound filled the air, slowly growing louder. It made the hairs on his neck stand up. Then a scorching laser beam blasted the wall next to him, only feet away from his face, and when it died down there was a smoking, red-hot round passage for them to fly through.

You went first, giving your sister’s hand a squeeze before streaking out of the vessel. (Streaking was apparently what it was called when you moved so fast that he couldn’t see anything but–well–a streak of light. Creative naming, right there.) Hunk grabbed Kyra’s hand as he fired up his jetpack and made his way to Lance’s lion, who was on his way to pick them up. You, on the other hand, were planting explosives all around the base.

Sirens were blaring. Galra fighters were pouring out of the base. Everything had to happen quickly.

Lance took them all back to the asteroid. Everyone took back their own lions. In the cockpit of his yellow lion, at the controls, knowing Kyra was sitting in the back and alive and okay, Hunk felt instantly better. He allowed himself to hope–maybe this would work out, after all.

Whilst everyone else joined the battle, he waited for a number of agonising minutes for you to return. Nobody was to engage the base before they knew for sure you were out of range and safe, and the best way to ensure that was for Hunk to wait for you. He tapped the controls with his index finger, muttering under his breath, “Come on, come on, come on,” until he saw a familiar stripe of light zoom towards him.

He opened the hatch and a split second later you came tumbling in, slamming your body against the other side of the cockpit and making the entire lion rock with your speed. You didn’t seem fazed as you scrambled up and yelled “Go! Go, go, go!”

To Hunk, there was nothing more morbidly satisfying than watching the base that had caused you and your sister so much pain blow up in a bajillion little pieces. He actually smiled at it. And he meant it. He was the last one to turn back and follow the others back to the castle.

A familiar weight settled on his shoulder. He turned his head, pressing a kiss to your hand, ignoring Kyra’s startled but smug “Oh?” in the background. You looked down at him, the fire in your eyes not quite died down–but more at peace. A light flickering, as opposed to the violent blazing he’d gotten used to. He liked it like this. It made him feel warm in the chest.

“So where are you going to go after this?” he asked softly, recalling how you’d said Comets were a nomad people. The thought of you leaving was painful, but if that’s what would make you happy…

You grinned, placing your hands around his face. “I think I’ll stay a while.” And then you pressed your lips onto his, hand leaving his face only to flip your sister off who whooped in the background. He giggled against your mouth, pulling away to kiss you on the cheek and pressing his forehead to yours.

“What?” you whispered, a smile of your own curling your lips.

He nuzzled his nose to yours. “Nothing. I’m just–glad. That everything worked out.”

You closed your eyes, muscles finally relaxing. “Me too.”

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