#freaky wade definitely finds it hot

[mischievous-thunder]

Same, Logan, same!

[fantasticstoryteller]

New Amsterdam Chapter 34

[This is stupid.]

{It’s a great plan!}

[And we just ate!]

{But—we need to know!}

[We already know!]

“Quiet idiots!” muttered Wade as he laid out the takeout bag on the edge of the roof. He opened and closed a few times to get the mouth-watering smell to circulate. “She won’t come if you’re loud.”

[She can’t hear us. Idiot.]

“Be nice, White,” said a voice behind him. Deadpool whirled and saw the strange girl with wings standing behind him, sniffing the air delicately. “Is that—are those chimichangas?” she asked. Her wings rustled as she leaned forward, but she didn’t step away from her spot.

Wade grinned. His plan was working! “They are,” he agreed.

She edged a little closer, eyeing him and not the bag. “Is this bait?” she asked. She didn’t sound upset—merely curios.

“Yup,” admitted Wade shamelessly. “I wanted to talk to you again.”

“Kay.” She effortlessly sat on the edge of the building, opened the bag, and grabbed a paper wrapped snack. “What do you want to talk about?” she asked as she unwrapped it and took a small bite. “Oh, these are so good!”

“Aren’t they? Maria makes the best chimichangas in the city!”

“Mmm,” agreed the girl shoveling in another bite of the hot food. She chewed and swallowed before fishing another one out of the bag and handing it towards him. “You eating?” she asked.

“Ah—no. Don’t want to put you off your appetite,” Wade said gently.

The girl sighed, reached behind her with a surprisingly limber arm, and pulled something out of the bag with her hand. Still eating she pulled the sketchbook out, flipped it open with one hand, and then showed him a picture. “Like that, right?” she asked as she chewed.

The sketch showed him, in all his scarred glory, eating pancakes. It was shocking—it was impossible—

—it verified his theory. “No,” he said absently as he took the book and stared at the pictures. “I got those for you.”

“Thanks.”

{Holy shit! She made us look good!}

“Thanks Yellow.”

Wade paused. Then turned to look at her. “You can—hear the boxes?” he asked hesitantly.

She swallowed her current bite. “No, but you twitch different depending on which one’s speaking and if they’re being assholes,” she said. She unwrapped the second and began to eat it.

“I was thinking,” Wade said as he went back to the book. “Thinking about what you said about not being from around here, with your accent. And I thought to myself, Wade, there’s a whole multiverse out there, and I bet she came from one of them.”

She snorted. “I love how that’s not actually a question. The answer’s yes, by the by.” She took another bite.

Wade turned the page and stared at picture of Peter. Not his Petey-Pie��but just similar and just different enough that he found it a little creepy. He closed the book and looked at the girl sitting on the edge of the roof, swinging her feet as she ate her food. “What are you doing here?” he asked curiously.

She looked up, her hands clenched on the food making its innards squish all over them and she snarled, “I’m on the RPG quest from Hel!” She looked down at her hands and sighed. “Man,” she moaned as she licked the food off them. “I was trying to stay clean.”

“Ponyo!” A pink slime thing popped out from the bag on her back and glooped down to her lap.

“That’s slightly freaky,” Wade announced as he watched the thing eating the bits of grease on the pink leotard.

“Yeah, don’t get too close. Dora exhales cyanide gas—in low amounts, but too close will make you pass out.” One hand drifted towards the slime which reached out a tentacle to wrap around the finger.

“So—Dora is like your personal cleaning squad?” asked Wade, puzzled.

“And friend. And ESA. And proof of identity.” The girl snorted. “I could stand in a field of people like me and Dora would always know which one was me.”

“That come up often?”

“Surprisingly no.” The girl continued eating.

[Why surprisingly?]

{I can’t believe you’re hung up on that when she knows when we’re talking!}

“Nice to see you too, Yellow,” said the girl calmly.

{See? How does she know?}

Wade frowned. “Good question; how do you know?”

She took the sketchbook back and shoved it into her bag. “You raised me,” she said after swallowing. “You and Peter.”

[Impossible.]

{How did she not die?}

[It would have to be mostly Peter.]

“How?”

She swallowed the last chimichanga, neatly put the wrappers back in the bag before crumpling it and expertly tossing it into the dumpster in the alley below them. “I was made in a lab,” she explained.

Wade gripped the side of the roof.

She nodded. “Just as bad as you’re thinking. And, before you ask, you killed the bitch.” She smiled.

{I don’t want to know how bad it was.}

[We already do.]

“We got rescued, and I was put into yours and Peter’s custody.”

“We’re MARRIED?!” They had just agreed to start dating right before dinner!

She merely nodded. “Oh, yeah,” she said firmly. “And you wouldn't believe in how many different dimensions? Multiverses? Worlds? One of those. Anyway, the two of you are together in a lot of them.” She licked grease off her fingers.

“And—we—raised you?”

“Oh, yeah.” Suddenly she snickered. “You should have heard Tony yelling the first time you took me to Sister Margaret’s. I could hear down the hall and in the cafeteria.”

[Told you it was mostly Peter.]

“And you’re the first person to guess where I’m from.” She calmly set her hands in her lap and the slime slid over them. “Maybe that’s due to the—alternate view? Wall breaking? I forget how you explained it.” The slime slid up her chest and back into the bag on her back as she watched its path of travel fondly.

[Why were you put into our care?]

Wade thought that was a good question, so he repeated it.

She hefted the wing that the bad guy earlier had blown up. “In case you haven’t noticed,” she said dryly, “I have a pretty good healing factor. Not come back from the dead good,” she quickly added, “but I’ve learned how to protect my core so that I’m not in danger of actually dying.” She quickly leaped up, standing on the ledge of the roof. “Anything else?”

{Ask her how long we were married!}

“Do you have a place to stay?” he asked.

“I have a—safe place to rest,” she said. “But I can’t do that too long. I’ve got to find the person I’m looking for, and I’m on a timer to do it.”

Wade heard an echo in her voice, an echo of Spiderman’s determination. He’d seen Webs go after a criminal with a broken leg. Spidey’s broken leg, that is. “Don’t forget you still need to rest,” Wade warned. “No matter how fast you heal, you’re going to need time to rest and recover.” He expected her to get mad, to tell him that he had no idea what she needed to do and that he needed to stay out of her way. It’s what he would have said, in her place.

She grinned. “I told you I found a safe place, didn’t I?” she asked cheekily before jumping off the roof.

[I can definitely see where we contributed.]

{You think she’s got boxes too?}

[Shut up, Yellow.]

[mojoflower]

Bodyswap in my various fandoms:  fic recs

Trust Fall by Stoney E, 144k.  Sterek.

Stiles is fairly certain that a case could be made for every bad thing in his life coming back to Peter Hale. This time it's pissing off a powerful witch, who retaliated by swapping Stiles and Derek a la Freaky Friday, because sure. That makes sense. Um, there are GPAs on the line, not to mention the whole thing where his dad wants to shoot Derek on sight. Except who he sees as Derek is actually Stiles, and Stiles did not sign up for filicide.  //  Great. Wait...does this mean he's the Alpha until they figure this out? Holy. Shit.  //  ****  //  Derek had stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a few minutes trying to control the panic as he saw himself as Stiles. As the loud mouthed human friend of the pack. He was going to kill Peter. He was going to kill the witch, then he was going to kill Peter. Maybe even resurrect him again just to kill him all over.  //  They were going to have to play this cool. They would have to stay calm and focused. Which is of course why the universe threw him into this situation with someone who physically couldn't be calm and focused.  //  Of course.

Note to self: I'm pretty sure this is the one I've been trying to remember where Stiles is always asking why no one wants him as a boyfriend, that he'd be such a good boyfriend:

“If people would just look, they'd see that how I am, who I am is pretty great, actually.” Stiles quietly cleared his throat past the lump that was forming and blinked rapidly. “I could be pretty great if someone would just let me be great for them.”

Fuzzy Logic by Sparseparsley E, 7k.  Sterek.

Derek and Stiles switch bodies because of wizard reasons and Stiles just wants to know what that awesome scent is.Derek and Stiles switch bodies because of wizard reasons and Stiles just wants to know what that awesome scent is.

Perfect.

Bonds of Power by Miya_Morana T, 18k.  Sterek.

When Stiles suddenly wakes up as an Alpha werewolf and finds out that Derek has become human, he reluctantly accepts Derek’s pack as his while they attempt to find out what exactly happened and how to reverse it. But as they all try to adjust to the situation, the Alpha Pack is breathing down their neck, and they’re going to need all the help they can get to face that threat.

Such a delicious premise! Felt like a kind of abrupt ending, I'd love to see this expanded, but definitely worth the read as is.

Might Not Make It Back by GotTheSilver E, 23k.   Sterek.

Bodyswap. Because of the fun.

Sweet.

copywritten (so don't copy me) by etben E, 13k.   Sterek.

"Oh, shit," Stiles says, and flops as far backward as their mysterious body-swap connection will let him.

hot and funny (omg, ALL THE BONERS)

I'll Walk with Your Wolf by iCheat no rating, 38k.   Sterek.

When Stiles wakes up in Peter's body, he's understandably freaked out. As Stiles starts connecting with the man's wolf, he can't help but reconsider his opinions of Peter. Needless to say, it's a rather confusing time for all involved.  //  For Day 5 of Steter Week, Body Swap.

Good story. I was most interested in Stiles' intrigtuiging ability to resist, and even direct both other Alphas (and so was Peter, lol) even when he was in werewolf Peter's body. I'd love to pursue that and see where Steter shake out in the Beacon Hills Pack, because they're kind of sneak Alphas, both of them. Stiles learned a lot about Peter by being in his body, because Peter's wolf stayed there (there's a funny scene, on the first full moon, where the Wolf tries to get his Mate and his Man together in one place and hunker down.)

Synchronicity by LadySlytherin E, 36k.  Drarry.

When Harry returns to Hogwarts to complete his final year of schooling, he does so with an unexpected new friend at his side - Draco Malfoy. An accident in potions leaves both boys in an unusual position, which leads to a friendly wager. The wager leads to revelations, realizations, and - in time - a happy resolution that no one was expecting. Well, almost no one...

Draco snorted. “As if that’s all of my personality.” He rolled his eyes. “Let me put it this way, Harry. You are, quite simply, not gay. And I am. Rather openly, since coming out to you and then everyone else. So unless you have some secret fashion sense and flamboyant urges you’ve been subduing, you won’t be able to manage this.” ... Harry huffed in annoyance. “You’re being ridiculous. Besides, I’m in your body, right? So the whole gay thing should come naturally. ... I think I’m feeling gayer already.”

Draco blinked several times, then said. “You’re a complete and utter twit. You cannot feel gayer simply because you’re in my body. My body isn’t gay, I am. ... If you’re feeling gayer, it’s got nothing to do with my body!” Draco snapped, moving closer to Harry in his fury. He itched to hex the other teen, but reminded himself sternly that doing so would only damage himself. “Especially as I don’t feel any less gay.”

“Are you saying my body is equally as gay as yours?” Harry frowned at that implication, not sure how he felt about it. “Because that’s ridiculous. I like girls.”

“I’m not saying anyone’s body is gay.” Draco pressed his fingers into his temples, trying to stave off the headache that was forming. “I’m saying I am gay, regardless of the switch. Therefore, you cannot possibly be gayer simply because you’re in my body right now. That’s patently ridiculous and more than your usual level of stupid.”

“Maybe you’re just so gay that it soaked into your cells.” Harry suggested, mostly because it was funny to watch Draco’s irritation twist his face into new expressions. “So now I’m stuck feeling all of the gay that’s surrounding me. Did you ever consider that? Because I think it’s a valid hypothesis.” Ignoring the way Draco had curled his hands into fists, he added. “In fact, I’m positive that’s what’s happening. I’ve woken up newly gay because of this whole switch and now I’ll have to explore just how gay I - which is to say, you - are.”

Draco snarled - literally snarled - before saying in a low, dangerous voice. “If you dare to pretend to be me, I swear I will convince everyone you are the biggest ponce to ever live simply by acting just as gay as I always do, while still pretending to be you. Don’t push me, Potter.”

My Only Hate by VivacissimoVoce M, 35k.   Drarry.

Harry has been cursed and now inhabits the wrong body. Draco Malfoy may be the only one who can help.

Hee, hee.

We're More Than Ordinary by digthewriter M, 13k.  Drarry.

After a freak accident, which was totally Potter's fault, Draco has to live as Potter for three days. It isn't a party for Harry, either.

Yellow Heart Emoji by HelloAfternoon E, 2.8k.  WIP.  Spideypool.

This had begun by accident at the zoo. Things exploded. People evacuated. Animals trumpeted and roared and bleated. Somewhere, Loki had giggled spectacularly.  //  Deadpool had thrown someone into the ape enclosure.  //  Peter had been thrown into the ape enclosure.

Ha! I love bodyswap, and this was delightful enough to make up for the fact that there is only one chapter. Go on, dive in, an unfinished fic won't kill ya: it's fun.

Displace by dontcareajot T, 10k, WIP.   Spideypool.

Peter thought he’d mentally prepared himself for… this. For seeing himself outside of himself. But it turns out he wasn’t prepared at all.  //  Wade evidently wasn’t prepared either. He looks Peter up and down, expression growing more and more incredulous. “What,” he says finally. “The fuck.”  //  (or, one of those body swap fics)

Aaaarrrgh, I love this. It's Peter's POV, and he's sweet, and reserving judgement, and kind of shocked at how much being Wade is actually physically painful, like, ALL THE TIME. And Wade is DELIGHTED to be Peter: to be young and pretty, but also, he's such a huge Spider-Man fanboy. And, just as they start sharing their lives and their thoughts and all that, ack, the story ends. Still worth reading, though. 4/?

Woke Up New by Zee (orphan_account) E, 22k.  Merthur.

Merlin and Arthur switch bodies; complications ensue.

Nice. The one where they switch, and Arthur figures out Merlin's magic because, oops, the magic stays in his body, and an angry Arthur accidentally levitates a chair. Also the one where Arthur starts to get off a little on being the servant and taking orders, and Merlin slowly wakes up to that.  [Dom/sub undertones.]

Buggre Alle This by Signe (oxoniensis) T, 12k.   Merthur.

Bodyswap.

"What now, then?" Merlin asks.  //  "Now, we sleep."  //  "Maybe we'll wake back up in our own bodies?" Merlin says hopefully.  //  "Yes, Merlin, that's what's going to happen. A powerful sorcerer has cast a spell over us, but it's just a harmless prank and it'll fizzle out in the night, and we'll wake up back to normal."

********

I love this author. You should also read "a tree and a bee and a flea, fiddle-dee-dee" (genderswap) here on AO3, and the fairy tale one where Merlin is the moon (which is only on LJ: The Prince and the Captured Moon).

And If You'll Come I’ll Take You Somewhere To Go by luninosity  T, 11k.  Cherik.

April Fools' Day mansion-fic. Which has to mean body-and-power-swap fic, right...?  //  “Yes,” Charles says, rather apologetically even though this can’t possibly be his fault, “you seem to be me. And I…well, I’m you. At the moment.”  //  “Charles,” Erik says, with what he considers quite remarkable patience under the circumstances, “how long is this going to last?”

Well, this was marvelous. Erik's POV, and he's a little ooc he's so utterly smitten, and his thoughts are something like Charles Charles so pretty Charles I'll protect him Charles Charles. It's kind of amazing he gets anything done, heh. And then they're switched, which turns out being rather more serious and unpleasant that you might guess, and there's some h/c, and some admissions, and some cuddling, and everything is lovely.

Amateur Theatrics by galaxysoup T, 27k.  Avengers.

In which Thor’s primary problem-solving method (a mighty blow from Mjolnir) fails to have the desired effect on a magical artifact, and his secondary method (a mightier blow from Mjolnir) proves to be actively disastrous.

Clint makes the absolute best Loki Daddy-uncle-brother-guardian-whatever. And kid!Loki is sweet as a pie. More or less.  [The bodyswap here, Bruce - Natasha, is pretty incidental.]

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous E, 21k.  Destiel.

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."  //  Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.  //  Dean was done with this shit.  //  ***  //  Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

Not technically a bodyswap so much as it is a bodyshare.  This is the one where Cas "assists" from inside Dean's head while he's with some girl, and then he lets Dean experience her viewpoint as well, and Dean notes that it's like Cas is fucking both of them... expertly, of course. It's pretty hot. Then they get to do it solo, later on. Nice.

Through Blind Men's Eyes by ladyblahblah E, 46k.  Spirk.

The obligatory Pon Farr story . . . with a bit of a twist.

absolutely gorgeous: sacrifice, angst, bodyswap (totally realistic, not at all intrusive), pon farr.... what more could a reader want?

[ad7803]

Audio 3 transcribed

“Right, I suppose I ought to give you a little bit of background of some of the weirdness in my life, my life has not followed normal paths, when i was 6 month old my mother abandoned me and left me in garden for a whole day and the only person there to look after me was my 18 month old sister at the time, who she looked after me, we were there from 9 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon when a lovely neighbor got half of my grandad to come and collect us. After that point I was handed around lots of different aunts and uncles in the family, until eventually my grandparents got fed up with this whole situation, they collected me and I lived with them for the rest of my childhood, right through until I first got married and left home. At that time we lived in a hotel, that was my nan and granddads business, right slap bang in the middle of the seafront at Weston. Now this is probably where my love affair with weather came from, and nature in general, because we were in an absolute fantastic place to watch everything to do with weather. The summers were long, they were hot, your big, clear blue skies with the occasional cloud, little rain, but the winters, that was where real weather came from. We were on the seafront, virtually opposite the Grand Pier, you would through the day watch the sky darkening, the cloud building and getting heavier and heavier, and by the time the evening came I would be in a position with my grandad of running around the hotel to the upstairs bedrooms, boarding up all the front windows. This probably sounds a little bit over the top but it is absolutely genuine and it had to be done, the power of nature you were left with no illusions of it, the weather would start, the winds would build, the clouds would build, then the thunder would start and the lightening would start, after a few seconds the sea would start breaching the seawall, that wasn’t too much of a worry until it would reach the sea wall at probably 8 to 10 feet above the sea wall, and this water is coming directly at you, like our own version of a small tidal wave coming. Now, the top of the water would break off into very very thick spray and it would hit all your front windows with such a force, if they didn’t have the wood behind and in front the glass would be gone, and indeed a few times the glass still broke, even with the wood up. The funniest part though was where the main bulk of the water would gush straight across the road, we lived in, basically in a square, with the seawall at the front, 2 rows of hotels to the left and right of us, and us at the back. Running all the way around the back of the hotels was a large lane, it was all filled with the great big rubbish bins and everything else round the back, it was also used for an awful lot of your deliveries, the butcher would come round that way, and obvious during storm times so did the sea. It would come gushing down each end of the lane, run all the way round the back, and when it met at the middle it only had one place to go and that was forwards, straight through your hotel. All the hotels were built the same way, all the hotels were built to the same plans, the back of the hotel which was your own private areas, the main kitchen, they were all at an ordinary level. But the front part of every hotel where every single public area was 2 feet higher than the rest, and that was due to the flooding, they were all built that way on purpose. I’ve got wonderful memories of my grandmother in the kitchen, with a great big wooden broom, desperately trying to hold the sea back, brushing it out of the kitchen for all she’s worth. Whereas, me and my grandad would be running around just checking all of the windows, the front door had been boarded up and everything else, we’ve sandbagged all the way around the front door, because even at 2 feet higher water would get under open areas. So, that’s really where my love affair with all the weather comes from, and it is where i learnt the power of nature. Stood in the top bedroom windows, you had a wonderful sight straight across the bay, and the main thing you can remember seeing is the massive, big transporter ships going through, and they’d be just like little specs and the occasional light that you’d be able to see, until a huge bolt of lightening would come down and it would light everything up and you could see the ships clearly, you could see everything. There were quite a lot of times where the lightening would strike followed very shortly after by the lifeboats going out. Now the lifeboat boom was something in Weston that we all thought was absolutely hysterical, because the big boom would go out and it was basically the big canon being fired off on Birnbeck pier, and it would fire three times, and at that time the lifeboat crews were all people that worked in the town, and they would just have to run from wherever they were working, they would run, up to the boat house which was quite pegging it from town, quite a way, they’d run up to the boathouse, quickly get into their gear and by which time the boat was being launched, and off they would go. I’m pretty certain it’s not done that way anymore because they have all different kinds of things and I know it’s definitely not done from Birnbeck anymore, but back in those days the lifeboat going out was a regular occurrence, because not only did they save an awful lot of people out in the sea, we had stupid holiday makers that would wade out at low tide thinking it was really funny, until they’re stuck in the mud and the tides coming back in really fast, and then the life boats would have to go out and fetch them, very often it would also be fire engines on the beach, with the poor fireman having to go out with long lines, getting them round the people, and getting the fire engines to pull them back in because there wasn’t enough water for the lifeboat to go out an get them, and that’s pretty much how that all went. 

Now i’ve given you a little bit of an overview of where my fascination for the weather and things comes from, I really ought to explain myself about the seas because this is probably one of those other freaky things about me, i have an absolute love affair with the sea, I love everything to do with it, sea creatures I adore, my favorite creatures on the whole planet are sharks, I have no fear of them whatsoever -not that i’d want to be that close. But at the same time as all of this, I am terrified of open water. I not go near open water. I can’t even put my hand in a fish pond. I am that bad, but where this fear comes from I absolutely have no idea, i think you will see from some of the images in the book as a very young child I obviously didn’t have this fear, when I learnt this fear I have no idea whatsoever, but all programs of underwater life just fascinate me to pieces, but if someone wanted me to actually put my hand a bucket of seawater, I cannot do it, it’s just something I can’t do.

Okay, I’m going to talk now about false weather conditions, which, they’re not false really but the appear to be and they can appear to be lying to you. The best way I can describe it is if you think about somewhere like the Amazon rainforest, you know it’s really really hot, you know it’s very very wet, but it’s not actually raining, the ground is wet everything in the forest is wet, but if you look above the forest it’s a massive cloud. Now, this is because it’s in reverse, normally you have your cloud is there because its full of water to drop to the earth, because that’s where it needs to go, whereas with somewhere like the forest, the forest basically it isn’t a cloud it’s steam, where the ground is wet and the heat has made it travel up and it has now become a cloud, but it isn’t a true cloud, it’s been formed because of the heat in the forest. You get the opposite on things like mountains, on the top of massive mountain ranges, you will also get heavy clouding but that’s not what the weather is bringing, that is a product of what’s already happened, the top of these mountains are completely frozen, they’re probably covered in snow, so this cloud is not bringing rain, it’s probably not bringing any more snow, it will occasionally, but it’s probably not bringing any more snow, it just has nowhere to go. It has to linger there because there is nowhere for it to go, so it’s not really there predicting weather for us to be able to tell, It’s just lingering because It’s stuck.

You get some really dramatic stuff like this in very very weird places in the world, over the tops of very very dry desserts, you will get no cloud whatsoever for a very long period of time, and then all of a sudden, these massive black clouds literally roll in over a series of two to three hours, and then they will get the most massive raindrops coming down, and the whole place will flood. These were very very common in places like the Serengeti, it’s just called the rainy season, but the rainy season will only last a few weeks, a very short few weeks, it lasts a very short amount of time, it will be very very heavy, but once those clouds have moved on they might now see another rainy season, it might be next year, it might be two or three years away before they actually see these kinds of seasons again. So, anywhere for that has very very extreme temperatures or weathers, will have some very extreme skies. I find them absolutely fascinating when I’m watching wildlife programs because you can see it all going on, but I also find it interesting from my deep sea programs I love to watch because pretty much everything you’re watching in the sky is actually also happening under the sea. When we have heavy heavy winds going on, the tidal waves that are going on beneath the sea are enormous. The damage that nature can do to land is absolutely amazing. So most of what we see on the above is also happening under the seas.”