#freakin tentacles man

[thatoneluckybee]

I think I found it but not even I’ll go this far for the bit

Me neither I found it and I’m so scared and I’d like to save a shred of sanity

[the-bigger-fish]

"We're smokin' filtered lime joints, ya stupid piece of Mega Bloks!"

"I don't give a rip if I go blind, I don't need to see the Mask of Life anyways..."

"I've got Krataa under my skin, I need a screwdriver to get them out!"

"I'm high on 12 Mazekas, ready to beat the sap out of a young Vuata Maca tree...."

"We're smokin' that Voya Nui Canonical Romance 90 Years of Play Protodermis."

"This Zamor Sphere'll send a good Toa straight to Karzahni."

"Caught a broke matoran trying to come up on my Toa Canister, so I skinned his mask alive! AHHHHH!"

"The antidermis has me acting inconsiderate!"

"I have seen the Throwbots. I have seen the Wheels of Roboriders. I was flippin' LEGO Bricks for Ole Kirk Kristensen before you were all a type 1 civilization!"

"We're on that Nynrah Ghost Blaster sippin' on that Bahrag Queen Power Plant Toa Luma Energized Protodermis."

"Me and my good buddy Mata Nui standin' back to back shakin' the very foundations of the universe. Truly, we are an army of two!"

"I balled so hard they thought I was a freakin' Bohrok Swarm!"

"Tied the Toa ops to the back of my Jetrax T6 and dragged 'em around the Kara Nui for 24 hours! Suckers looked like a Happy Meal Toy Master of Disaster after we was done with him!"

"I'm on them Le-Metru County Kanoka Disks!"

"I'm on twelve Great Kanohi smokin' that Tren Krom Tentacle!"

"My shooter a Kohli Head, he look like Gali Mistika."

"This Thornaxx got me movin' like an invasive rahi species!"

"I was in the Jetrax grippin' my Tridax Pods. Snipped the launcher, roamed around Northern Daxia with a cracked 2009 joint!"

"This stuff ain't nothin' to me, man!"

[bjfinn]

GHOST IN THE MUSEUM

"Beetlejuice"/"Deadbeat"/"School of Rock" crossover

(Beej's monster form inspired by the artwork of @stinkyhorsebitch)

"A dinosaur??? "

"Yeah," the voice on the other end said. "Well, I don't really know what else to call it."

"Maybe you should call Animal Control," Pac replied. "I don't know nothing about dinosaurs."

"You handle ghosts and shit, right? This thing's gotta be some kind of spirit -- I mean, dinosaurs are extinct. And I don't think this ... whatever it is was ever a real animal in the first place."

"Uh, yeah -- so I've heard. A-about dinosaurs, I mean."

"So can you help me?"

Pac sighed. "Yeah, I'll come take a look. Wait -- it's not like ... fifty feet tall, is it?"

"No -- six and a half, maybe seven feet tall. And, uhh ... it's wearing ... booty shorts."

"Booty shorts?"

"Uh, yeah -- black-and-white-striped booty shorts. And it's got green hair like ... like a horse's mane. And big, uh ... boobs -- like a fat guy."

Beej, Pac said to himself. He sighed. "I'll be right there."

He hung up and dialled Dewey's number. "Did you know about this?" he asked when his friend answered.

"Know about what?"

"Beej is at the museum -- he's a dinosaur."

"Wh-what? What are you talking about?"

"Apparently your 'brother' decided to take the initiative -- he's there right now, scaring the crap outta the night watchman and the museum director!"

"You sure it's him?"

"He's wearing black-and-white-striped booty shorts. You know any other spirits with the same taste in fashion?"

"Jeez, that fuckin' asshole!" Dewey swore. "Okay, okay -- gimme ten minutes to get dressed and get to your place."

*****

Pac and Dewey stared in amazement -- their buddy had become a ... the only word either of them could think of was beast. His head was rather canine in appearance, with sharp teeth and glowing green eyes in the dark purplish fur, and on either side of the jaw were three fat, black-and-white-striped tentacle-things.

Beej's body was covered with fur -- dark purplish on the back that striped the lighter mauve on the sides and front, and as the night watchman had told Pac, there was a horse's mane of green hair running halfway down his back. His front paws bore razor sharp talons of pale green, and his back ones had cloven hooves. His tail was a thick slab of muscle.

And he did indeed have big man-boobs and wore booty shorts that showed both his bulge and his rump to best advantage.

When Beej saw Pac and Dewey he grinned -- well, he opened his maw and flicked his purple-striped tongue at his buddies.

"Hey, guys!" he rumbled. "Good to see you! Glad you could make it!"

Pac grabbed the "dino" by the foreleg. "What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed. "I thought we decided that our first gig would be something small, like a house -- not the freakin' American Museum of Natural History! "

"Hey, go big or go home, I always say," came the reply as the demon returned to his usual human form.

"Jeez, Beej!" Dewey said. "A heads-up woulda been nice! How'd you know Pac'd get the call, anyway?"

"The night watchman was watching that show you were on -- "PopChat". Must've recorded it. So you woulda been the first guy he'd think of!"

Pac was surprised. "He was watching the show? Man, I didn't think anybody watched local daytime talk shows, much less record 'em to watch later!" He looked at Beej. "Did you see any of it? How did I look? I was kinda nervous at first, but I tried to keep it together."

"You looked hot," the demon told him.

"Beej," Dewey said, frowning.

"And that guy Jimmy's hot, too!"

"Beej!" Dewey snapped. "Focus!"

"Okay, okay!" Beej said. "You don't have to get mad! Jeez! Can't a guy appreciate another guy without it being a big deal?"

"This isn't about that, and you know it!" Dewey shot back. "I don't give a fuck about that! What I do care about is you going off half-cocked without telling us!"

"Oh, and you're so freakin' perfect, aren't you? Mister Schneebley! I saw a chance and took it -- just like you did! Pot, kettle, black! So there! " And he stuck his tongue out at Dewey, who raised his fist threateningly.

"Guys!" Pac roared. "Knock it off!" When the two of them had settled down, he said, "All right. We're here now -- let's just do this and get it over with. I gotta open up the newsstand in the morning."

"It's showtime!" Beej grinned, and once again transformed into the raptor-like beast.

"Hey," Pac said, "what's with the booty shorts, anyway?"

"I had to make sure you knew it was me," the demon dino replied. "I thought about just having the stripes on my body, but I figured that was too ambiguous." He turned around, modelling the shorts. "Whaddya think? Do they make my ass look fat?"

"Your ass is fat," Dewey chuckled.

"So's yours," Beej replied affably.

"Is everything okay?" the director called from the end of the corridor.

"Uh, yeah," Pac called back. "We're just, uh ... just setting up our equipment!" He looked at his two companions. "Okay ... now what?"

Dewey turned on Beej again. "See? This is why we need a plan, dumbass!"

Beej stuck his tongue out at his friend. "Just follow my lead!" he growled.

"What are you gonna --" Pac began, but the demon had already vanished.

Dewey heaved a sigh. "Let's go find him," he said.

"You know," Pac commented, "I blame you for this."

"Me??? How is this my fault?"

"If you weren't friends with him I wouldn't have to deal with him."

Dewey chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

They started down the corridor to the dino room, figuring that was where Beej would most likely be. There was a loud, screeching roar followed by a crash, and they ran in to see the demon beast perched astride the fallen T-rex, biting the fossil skeleton's neck. At the sound of their entrance his head whipped up, and he fixed them with a predatory gaze that sent shivers down their spines.

I'm sure glad real dinosaurs are extinct, Dewey thought.

The demon leapt down from the T-rex and came towards them, the hooves on his hind legs clicking against the tiles. When he was no more than five feet away he stopped and hissed loudly.

Dewey nearly shit his pants. The demon craned his neck toward him and sniffed. "Ohh, fuck!" Dewey whispered. "Beej! I-it's me -- Dewey! Your brother -- remember? Oh, God -- please please please remember ..."

The demon's tongue snaked out and playfully licked Dewey's cheek. "Relax!" Beej said, smiling as much as his bestial form would allow. "I know who you are -- you're my buddy! I'm just havin' a bit of fun!"

"You fuckin' ASSHOLE! " Dewey roared. "You scared the SHIT outta me! "

Instantly Beej returned to his human form. His hair was purple, and his face was a study in regret. "I-I'm sorry," he said.

Dewey grabbed him and hugged him fiercely, the two of them laughing and crying simultaneously. "I ... I thought ... I thought you'd lost yourself," Dewey said.

Pac watched them, smiling ruefully. They really are brothers, he thought. He cleared his throat. "We better get started," he said. "Beej, what's your plan?"

"Just follow my lead and make it look good," the demon replied. "And don't forget, I'm still me." He resumed his beast-form and let out a bloodcurdling screech.

"Uh, okay -- let's get rid of this thing!" he said loudly, in case the night watchman was nearby. "Uh ... Ex-Lax ego Pompeii!"

Dewey looked at him in confusion.

"What? I don't know any actual Latin, okay? Besides, it's just for show."

Dewey nodded. "Okay, uhh ... Marie Kondo ex ad hoc senator!"

Beej screeched again, and he spun around and took off running down the corridor.

"Julius Caesar!" Pac shouted as they headed after him.

"Uh ... um ... Feliz Navidad!" Dewey yelled.

Pac looked at him. "That's not Latin!"

"It's close enough!" Dewey replied.

They'd arrived at the entry hall, where Beej had the museum director and the night watchman trapped under the front desk.

"All right," Pac said. "Let's finish this!" And he raised both hands. "Caveat emptor! Ad astra per aspera!"

Beej played his part, screeching and writhing in pretend agony as flames began to lick at his feet.

"Adeste fideles!" Dewey shouted.

Beej wailed as the tongues of fire travelled rapidly up his legs and over his fur, consuming him, his slit-pupilled eyes glaring at them the entire time. Just before he vanished the demon winked at them.

*****

They reunited at Dewey's apartment, where he and Pac split the take between them. Beej, of course, had no need of money.

"Two and a half grand each!" Dewey said. "Not bad!" He looked at Pac, and then at Beej. "I feel kinda bad, though -- I mean, it's a lot of money for a fake exorcism."

"Hey!" Beej said. "Don't go soft on me, bro!"

"I'm not! It's just --"

"Yeah," Pac nodded. "I kinda feel the same way."

"Oh, jeez!" Beej moaned. "Listen to you two! Look, think of it as ... like gettin' paid for a good performance. Like actors."

"Except we're the only ones who know we were acting," Dewey pointed out.

"Dewey's right," Pac said. "We ... we can't keep it."

Beej scowled. "Well, you can't give it back -- that'll just get you guys in trouble."

"Okay, look," Dewey said. "Uhh ... how 'bout we just keep what we need? We can ... I don't know ... give the rest to charity, or something?"

"Hey, that's a great idea!" Pac grinned.

Beej rolled his eyes, sighing loudly. "Fine. You guys do what you want with the money -- all I care about is keeping up with my demon skills!" He looked at both of them in turn. "So ... what's our next target?"

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Assassination Classroom Episode #1: Assassination Time Transcript

This episode introduces Class 3-E and their teacher.

{Text on sign: 3-E}

{Text on paper #1: Assassination}

{Text on paper #2: Class 3-E}

Kayano: Huhauh!

Nagisa: Eaum!

Isogai: Euh, ehum! Deheah!

{Text on sign: 3-E}

3-E girls: Heh, huah! 

3-E boys: Hueah! 

(3-E girls: Huah!)

3-E girls: Huah!

{Text on book: Roll Book}

Yellow monster: All right, people. Let’s get started, shall we? Class monitor, if you would do the honors.

Nagisa: Right! Ready! Aim! Fire!

Yellow monster: Oh! Oh my! Well, why don’t I just call roll while you children wear yourselves out. Isogai?

Isogai: Here.

Yellow monster: What’s that? I’m afraid I couldn’t make it out over all the gunfire.

Isogai: Here!  

Yellow monster: Okajima?

Okajima: Here!

Yellow monster: Okuda?

Okuda: Here!

Yellow monster: Kataoka?

Kataoka: Here!

Yellow monster: Kayano?

Kayano: Here!

Yellow monster: Kanzaki?

Kanzaki: Here! 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nagisa: Heah heah…

Yellow monster: Excellent.

(Nagisa: …heah!)

Yellow monster: All present and accounted for. No tardies! Congratulations!

Nakamura: Awuah…he’s fast. 

(Okano: Heah…huah!)

Nagisa: Ehuah!

Isogai: The whole class opened fire and he doesn’t even have a scratch. 

(Okano: Heah…huah! Heah…huah!)

Nagisa’s thoughts: Yep.

(Okano: Heah!)

Nagisa’s thoughts: We’re assassins. And our target…is our teacher.

Yellow monster: No luck today either, eh? That’s really too bad. What’s the lesson here? Numbers are no substitute for inventiveness, perhaps? That any hack can point a gun and pull a trigger? Some of Column A, some of Column B? I get that you’re trying to cast a net as widely as possible, so to speak, but the approach lacked originality. When the target clocks at Mach 20, an assassin has to think outside the box. 

Maehara: Ha, right, Mach 20.

Nagisa: Ehoh!

Maehara: No freakin’ way that you dodged that hail of bullets.

Sugino: He’s got a point. I mean, these are only BBs, right? For all we know, you just stood there and took ‘em like a champ.  

3-E girls: Auh! I don’t like these shenanigans! I don’t think so! Yeah!

(3-E boys: Sugino’s right!)

Yellow monster: Huah…collect the ammunition and bring it here. As was explained, these are anti-me BBs.

Okano: Huoh!

Yellow monster: Harmless to you, but…

3-E students: AUOH!

Yellow monster: …able to split my cells like a knife through warm tofu.

{Text on BBs: S.A.A.U.S.O}

Yellow monster: Developed by your government for that express purpose. Of course, after a few seconds, I can regenerate good as new. A luxury you won’t have if you accidentally shoot your eye out.

3-E students: Auoauh!

Yellow monster: From now on, no discharging guns in the classroom. Safety first! And good luck killing me before graduation. You’re going to need it.  

{Text on sign: 3-E}

Yellow monster: Firearms and government-issue anti-me BBs away, please. Time to get to work!

3-E students: Aw! Are you serious?

Nagisa [narrating]: Kunugigaoka Junior High, Class 3-E. The assassination classroom.

(3-E students: Aw! This sucks!)

Nagisa [narrating]: The bell rings…another day begins.

Yellow monster: Eheahahahahahaha!

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{Caption: Episode 1: Assassination Time}

Yellow monster: Okay! Here’s a puzzler for you. Isogai! 

Isogai: Uh, sir?

Yellow monster: Which of these four tentacles is the odd man out?

Isogai: Um…the blue one?

Yellow monster: Excellent! “The boy who is standing” employs “who” as a relative pronoun.   

Kayano: Hey, Nagisa. Check it out.

(Yellow monster: A relative pronoun, as you’ve thought…)

Nagisa: Hm?

(Yellow monster: …qualifies the noun…)

Yellow monster: …immediately preceding it. These handy-dandy…

Kayano: Crescent moon’s out. During the day. Neat, huh? 

(Yellow monster: …items specifically introduce words or relative clauses…)

Yellow monster: …which modify a word, phrase, or idea found in the…

Nagisa’s thoughts: How did this happen? How did we get here? I mean, as far as I know…it all started with two very big things kicking off third year.

(Yellow monster: …predicate of a sentence. Think of the word “relative”. Here, “who” relates the verb. Notice how the sentence unravels without it?) 

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Nagisa [narrating]: First, there was the moon. One minute, it’s fine; the next, kaboom! Permanent crescent.  

{Text on screen #1: Breaking}

{Text on screen #2: NASA Reporting: Most of Moon Missing?}

Male news anchor: Uh…we interrupt our currently scheduled program for this breaking news bulletin.

{Text on screen: NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) Reporting: 70% of Moon Vaporized}

Female news anchor #1: This just in: a portion of the Moon has been vaporized. Some sources estimate over 70%. I repeat, according---

Female news anchor #2: What does it mean? Astronomers the world over are struggling to figure out just that. 

{Text on sign: 3-E}

Nagisa [narrating]: There was that, and then there was him. 

Yellow monster: Hello! How are you? So I’m the one who blew up the Moon.

3-E students: Huh?!

Yellow monster: Next year, I intend to do the same to planet Earth. But never mind that now. I’m gonna be your new teacher. Isn’t that exciting?

3-E students’ thoughts: There are so many things wrong with this picture. 

Nagisa [narrating]: It was a strong first impression. 

Karasuma: Uh…I’m Karasuma, I’m from the Ministry of Defense. What, uh…what I’m about to tell you, we in the business call “classified”. Huah…aw hell, I’ll just come right out with it. I’m gonna need you to kill this thing for the sake of mankind.    

3-E students: Awauhuh?

Mimura: Excuse me…no offense; is this a joke, ‘cause if that’s the alien who blew up the Moon---

Yellow monster: AAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAHBAH!

(Mimura: Ehouh?)

Yellow monster: I AM AN EARTHLING BORN AND BRED, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Nagisa: Eh…

Nagisa’s thoughts: Okay?

Karasuma: I’m not at liberty to discuss the details at this juncture. I’ll just say he’s telling the truth. His threat is all too real. As of this coming March…he will obliterate the Earth. Apart from you, the only people who know this are world leaders. If word of this leaks out to the public, we’ll have widespread panic on our hands. He must be terminated soon, and with extreme prejudice. Which means that you…must become assassins! Now you’ll notice he’s incredibly fast…and for some reason, he likes grooming eyebrows! Immaculately!

3-E students: Waaaahhhh!

Karasuma: You’re looking at a being so powerful he can obliterate over half the Moon in seconds. So fast he’s been clocked at Mach 20. A world where he’s allowed to live is a world waiting to be destroyed, plain and simple. 

Yellow monster: He makes it all sound so grim, doesn’t he? Cheer up! I’ve graciously made your government an offer. “Stop making fools of yourselves trying to kill me,” I said, “and let me teach Class 3-E at this illustrious institution.   

(Karasuma: Grr…)

Nagisa’s thoughts: Seriously?! 

Karasuma: We didn’t have much of a choice. We have no idea what his motives are, but we agreed on the condition that none of you students would be harmed in any way. The advantage is two-fold: on the one hand, we’ll know his whereabouts a good portion of every weekday, which is something. On the other, he’ll be in close range to 30 people with the means and incentive to kill him.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yellow monster: Nakamura! I distinctly remember saying no guns discharging in the classroom!

Nakamura: I know…

Yellow monster: Back row, young lady! Think about what you’ve done!

Nakamura: Awuh… 

Nagisa’s thoughts: Why would this thing wanna be our teacher? And how are we going to assassinate him if the government can’t? Those are the questions we should have asked at the start, but I guess we got distracted. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Karasuma: Do the deed and you get 10 billion.

3-E students: WHAT?!

Karasuma: It’s only fair. Kill him, save the Earth. If that doesn’t deserve a life on easy street, what are we fighting for? He doesn’t think you can do it. Use that. Green stripes indicate he’s feeling superior. We have some experience with it.   

3-E male student #1: Freaky.

Yellow monster: Truth be told, I’m not worried. The military couldn’t kill me; why would anyone assume students could? After all, you don’t even have fighter jets! Hard to keep tidy, fighter jets. 

3-E female student #1: What’s with the cleaning fetish?

Karasuma: It’s all on you. Find the cracks in this smug bastard’s defenses and exploit them. The weapons you’ll be provided are harmless to humans, but extremely fatal to him. And it goes without saying we’ll need to keep this between us. The clock is ticking. Decide whether you’ll stand for our home being blasted to space dust.    

Yellow monster: That should just about cover it, I think. What do you say we hit the books and make the final year of your lives a productive one? 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nagisa’s thoughts: So that’s it. We have a year to live. If we can’t find a way to kill our teacher…Earth is gonna be history. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yellow monster: Oh! That’s lunchtime, everybody. Excuse me while I pop over to China for a quick bite. You have my cell number; any killers feeling especially trigger-happy today are welcome to hit me up. 

3-E students: DEAUH!

Nakamura: Okay, math. If he’s traveling at Mach 20…

Nagisa: It’ll take twenty minutes tops to reach his favorite takeout place in Sichuan.

Maehara: So just to be clear, we’ve absolutely ruled out missiles? 

Isogai: Are you kidding? Even if we had access to that kind of hardware, he can break the sound barrier! 

3-E female student #2: While grading!

{Text on paper #1: English Quiz: Infinitives and Subjects}

{Text on paper #2: Yuma Isogai}

{Text on paper #3: Perfect answer!! Double octopus!}

Isogai: My homework even came back with a doodle on it.

3-E female student #2: All things considered, you have to admit he’s not doing a bad job.   

Kurahashi: I know, right? He tutored me on algebra, and I killed it on our pop quiz the next day!

(Yellow monster: The important part for you to remember is that what happens on one side of the equation is likewise done on the other side of the equation, balancing both sides equally)

Mimura: Yeah, kind of a shame. We get our grades up just in time for the world to end.

Okajima: Well, college wasn’t happenin’ either way.

Nagisa’s thoughts: Flying super cephalopod bent on world destruction? Check. Impossible target? Check. But he might be the best damn teacher any of us has ever had. Forget that we’re all would-be assassins and that most people probably see us as average, garden-variety third-years, at least on the surface. Underneath it all, though…Class 3-E has always been different.     

Terasaka: Yo, Nagisa.

Nagisa: Auh?

Terasaka: Look alive, little man!

(Yoshida, Muramatsu: Hehehehe!)

Terasaka: Time to put our money where our mouth is and get this done.

Nagisa: Hm!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Terasaka: So we know the octopus’ face changes color depending on what mood he’s in. Have you been keepin’ track like I asked? Gimme the specs.

Nagisa: You got it. I guess for starters, green stripes mean he feels cocky, so that’s something.  

{Text on blackboard #1: A: A}

{Text on blackboard #2: K: kiha}

{Text on blackboard #3: B: bara}

Nagisa: When we give a wrong answer, his face goes dark purple. 

{Text on blackboard #1: A: Akiyama}

{Text on blackboard #2: K: Kiyohara}

{Text on blackboard #3: B: Burkleo}

Nagisa: When we answer correctly, bright red. What’s interesting is every day after lunch, without fail---

Terasaka: Blah, blah, whatever! We got more than enough. When his guard’s down, that’s when we make our move. Well, at least you do.   

Nagisa: Yeah, about that…I---

Terasaka: Don’t start! We’ve been over this! Worried about your transcript?

Nagisa: Eum…

Terasaka: Wake up, dude! We’re 3-E! Everyone expects us to be thugs and murderers anyway. You know what the “E” stands for, right?

{Caption: The End Class}  

Terasaka: End of the line. 

{Text on sign: Old Campus}

Terasaka: Think they shuttle us up this mountain every day for the view? Sorry to burst your bubble, man, but society don’t want us. When do nobodies like us have a shot at the kind of cash at stake here?

(Nagisa: Euh!)  

Terasaka: This is our one-way ticket out of the boonies! No guts, no glory. Let this be your moment to shine.  

Nagisa: Huh?

Terasaka: Man up. Go make a name for yourself, huh?

Nagisa: Euh!

Terasaka: Hehe!

(Nagisa: Huh?) 

Terasaka: Best of luck. Try not to blow it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Male student #1 [flashback]: You hear about Nagisa? They’re chucking him to E class.

Female student #1 [flashback]: Huh, shocking! What else were they gonna do?

Male student #2 [flashback]: That’s one less name in my contacts. I’ll tell ya that.   

Male student #3 [flashback]: Yeah, how messed up is it that we even know someone like him?

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Nagisa: Auh! AUAH! 

Yellow monster: Hello there! I’m back.

Nagisa: Okay. Hi, sir. So what---what’s with the missile?

Yellow monster: A souvenir from a strike force that tried to bring me down over the Sea of Japan. 

Nagisa: Must be lonely spending your life in the crosshairs. 

Yellow monster: Quite the opposite, actually! Reminds me of how amazing I am!

Nagisa: Auh! 

Yellow monster: Now then, inside for fifth period, please.  

Nagisa: Sure. 

Nagisa’s thoughts: There’s no denying it. He is amazing. Confident, capable. Powerful enough to make people stand up and take notice, even if they are trying to kill him. Everything I’m not. Everything I’ll never be, no matter how hard I try, or how many chances I’m given.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher [flashback]: Because of you, I received the worst teacher’s evaluation of my career, you unteachable brat! Far as I’m concerned, this campus can’t eject you fast enough. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nagisa’s thoughts: I can do this. I have an advantage. I’m as invisible to him as I am to everyone else.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on sign: Old Campus}

{Text on blackboard: All Along: Often seen in poems to mean “I finally noticed that…”}

Yellow monster: Okey-dokey! Your assignment this afternoon is to compose a short poem. The final line should read “was tentacles all along”.   

3-E students: WHAT?!

(Kurahashi: Huh?)

Kanzaki: Excuse me, sir? Really?

Yellow monster: Really. When you’ve completed the assignment, kindly bring it forward. You will be graded on creativity, grammar, and overall beauty of expression. Here’s an example: Not the storm of garden snow, of flowers moving on, but sprouting there instead was tentacles all along.  

{Caption: Interpretation: A life lived vividly, powerfully, wasn’t a blossom shower scattering cherry petals in the garden---it was tentacles}

Isogai: Yeah, because that makes a whole lotta sense. Sheesh!

Yellow monster: You may go home once you’re finished.

3-E students: AHUAH?!

(Kurahashi: What?!)  

Kurahashi: But sir, “was tentacles all along”---

Yellow monster: Should get those little synapses sparking and the imagination slithering! Ehblehleuhleuhleuhleuhleuh…

Maehara: Could you please knock that off?!

(Yellow monster: …leuhleuhleuhleuhleuh!)

Kayano: Um, sir, question. 

Yellow monster: Huh? Of course. Fire away, Kayano. 

Kayano: Do we always have to call you “sir”? You haven’t given us your name and I think we need one.      

Yellow monster: Uh…

Kayano: I mean, it’d be kinda awkward if we don’t call you anything, right?

Yellow monster: Ah! Well now… 

Sugino: Oversight.

Fuwa: Yeah, a little bit.

Yellow monster: Hm, trouble is, I don’t have the sort of name you just give to people. Why not pick one for me? 

Maehara: What could go wrong?

Yellow monster: Just focus on meter and syntax.  

Kayano: Mmkay!

Yellow monster: I’ll take a short break while you take up your pens.

Nagisa: Eum!  

Yellow monster: Deuh! Seems the muse favors Nagisa.  

Terasaka: Hehe! 

Kayano: Neauh!

Nagisa’s thoughts: Every day after lunch, without fail, he gets sleepy. I can tell he checks out when his face turns pink. Kayano’s question threw him off; he seems distracted. All signs point to this being the right moment. Prep school flunkies know how to slip between the cracks. It’s what we do. Parents and teachers are always yapping at us to “apply ourselves”. Apply ourselves… 

Yellow monster: What did I say about thinking outside the box? 

Nagisa’s thoughts: All right then. Here goes nothing.

(Yellow monster: Hueah!)

Nagisa: Hm! 

Yellow monster: HEUH!

Terasaka: Huh! 

3-E students: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Terasaka: HA! YEAAAHHH!

(Muramatsu: We did it!)

Kayano: Nagisa…

Muramatsu: Yeah! We’re gonna be billionaires! 

(Yoshida: Yeah! Hahaha!)

Terasaka: Sayonara!

(Yoshida: Hahaha!)

(Sayonara!: Goodbye! → Japanese)

Isogai: You jerks!

Maehara: What the hell have you done?!

Terasaka: Hah! Never saw a suicide bomber comin’, did ya?

Kayano: TERASAKA!

Terasaka: Hm?

Kayano: What did you make Nagisa do?!

Terasaka: What? I’m sorry, you have a better idea? I gave him a modified toy grenade filled with those stupid BBs, and a spoonful or two of gunpowder so they’d scatter at a high enough speed.   

Kayano: Hueah!

Terasaka: Don’t worry; it wasn’t enough to kill anybody. I’ll pitch in on his medical bills. Huh? Woah, he doesn’t even have a mark on him.

(Nagisa: Euh…heuh, heuh…) 

Terasaka: And what the hell is this membrane? Did the body block--- 

Yellow monster: It’s not a body; it’s a husk. 

(Terasaka: Euh, ehueah?!)

Yellow monster: I shed my skin once a month. I wrapped it around your classmate to protect him from the blast. 

(Nagisa: Eum, auh!)

Terasaka: Eum! 

Yellow monster: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume you didn’t see this coming.  

Nagisa: Euh, auh!

Yellow monster: Terasaka! Yoshida! Muramatsu!

(Terasaka, Muramatsu, Yoshida: Ehuahuahuahuahuahuehuehuehueh…)

Nagisa’s thoughts: Okay. That’s a face we haven’t seen before. 

(Yellow monster: Grraugh…)

Yellow monster: Grraugauh…

(Nagisa: Euh!)

Nagisa’s thoughts: Pitch black must mean…pissed!

(Yellow monster: Rraugh…) 

Yellow monster: This was your doing…WASN’T IT?!

(Terasaka, Muramatsu, Yoshida: Ehueheuheuheuh…)

Muramatsu: Aah!

Yoshida: Who, us?!

Terasaka: It was all Nagisa!  

3-E students: AAAAAAAAHHHHH! 

Yoshida: Huh? 

3-E students: AHWAAAAAHHHH!

{Text on nameplate #1: Yoshida}

{Text on nameplate #2: Terasaka}

{Text on nameplate #3: Muramatsu}

Terasaka, Muramatsu, Yoshida: Huh?! Aweauh!

Terasaka: The nameplate off my house!  

Yellow monster: Here’s the deal, kiddos. The agreement I have with your government forbids me from harming you. But there’s a catch.

{Text on nameplate #4: Shiota}

Yellow monster: If you pull another irresponsible stunt like that again…there’s nothing that says I can’t harm someone else.

{Text on nameplate #5: Takebayashi}

{Text on nameplate #6: Hazama}

{Text on nameplate #7: Shiota}

{Text on nameplate #8: Sugaya}    

Yellow monster: Family, friends, everyone in the world except for you if I feel like it!

3-E students: Ehueheuheuheuheuh…

Nagisa’s thoughts: Suddenly it’s clear how hard this is going to be. We can’t run, we can’t hide. Slipping between the cracks isn’t an option. The only way out…is to kill him.

(Yellow monster: Hehehehahahahahaha!)   

Terasaka: Go on, threaten us! I AIN’T AFRAID OF NO SQUID! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF, BLOWIN’ UP THE MOON?! WE GOT RIGHTS, YOU KNOW! 

(Muramatsu, Yoshida: Ehueheuheuheuheuh…)

Terasaka: CALL US IRRESPONSIBLE; WE’RE JUST DEFENDING OURSELVES!

Yellow monster: Of course! I know that. I’m not calling you irresponsible for trying to kill me. No, no, no. As a matter of fact, Nagisa here gets full marks for technique. His composure was simply outstanding! However!

Terasaka, Muramatsu, Yoshida: Ehueah!

Yellow monster: None of you cared if he was injured.

(Terasaka: Euh!)

(Muramatsu, Yoshida: Awh…)   

Yellow monster: Not even Nagisa himself, it seems. Students with that attitude aren’t fit to assassinate anyone! You must believe yourself worthy of your target. That means taking pride in what you do, in yourselves, and each other! All of you are more than the sum of your parts.  

Nagisa: Chewed out at Mach 20, reassured by a tentacle wag. It’s a bizarre education…but one I think is starting to grow on me. I guess when you spend your whole life being invisible, well…it’s something to feel like you’re being seen.  

Yellow monster: Heh!   

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Woman [flashback]: If you…if you could sacrifice a little bit of your time, give the children the tools they need to succeed. Such wonderful tentacles…with hands like these, you could reach them. I know it in my heart.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yellow monster: Here’s a puzzler for you, Nagisa. Given that I have no intention of being killed, though of course, I have every intention of enjoying our time together before the planet goes kerplooey, what exactly are you going to do about it?

Nagisa: Euah! 

Nagisa’s thoughts: That’s the big question, isn’t it? It’s not like we have a lot of experience figuring out how to save the world. I have a feeling, though…one way or another…we’re gonna be fast learners.  

Nagisa: I think you’ll find out I can do plenty, sir. Just you wait and see.

Yellow monster: Ehehehehehehahahaha! That’s the spirit! NO ONE LEAVES UNTIL I’M VANQUISHED! 

3-E students: HUH?!

Nakamura: Way to go, Nagisa.

3-E male student #2: This is totally balls!

Nagisa’s thoughts: Yep, we’re assassins. Our target…is our teacher.

Yellow monster: Wipe this clean.

3-E male student #3’s thoughts: Man, I don’t wanna be a killer.

(Yellow monster: Wipe it clean)

3-E male student #4’s thoughts: Grr, we are so screwed!

3-E male student #5’s thoughts: We still don’t know his name! 

Kayano: How do you say “unkillable” in Japanese?

Nagisa: Huh?

Kayano: Korose…nai? Auh! Korosen…sei! 

Nagisa: Korosensei?

(Korosenai and Korosensei: “Korosenai” means “unkillable” and “sensei” means “teacher”; it follows that “Korosensei” means something like “unkillable teacher”)

Yellow monster: Heuah?!

Nagisa: That feels right. 

Nagisa’ thoughts: Just us and Korosensei. Here, in our assassination classroom.

[malevolentcast]

Who does the art on the backgrounds of the episodes? I just started watching on youtube and can see them bigger now. I don't know what the first one is - maybe tentacles? And the second is a face I think, with all weird colors which makes sense. And the third is like a waterfall skull thing. All super dope man. And if you say you do it I will bow down to your ability to do this as well as every freakin voice.

Rob Donaldson

[justwriteryan]

CHAPTER TWO

A New York highway. An army blockade is preventing traffic from entering the city. There’s an abundance of armed military units and barbed wire, but not everybody is getting the message. A disgruntled truck driver steps out of his vehicle and marches right up to the blockade, where a crowd of scared and confused people have already gathered.

DRIVER: Hey, Rambo! What’s the big idea?

SOLDIER: Sir, you need to return to your vehicle and go back                                             the way you came. The city is off-limits.

DRIVER: What’s the big emergency?

SOLDIER: Some sort of invasion. The whole city’s under attack, and New York may not be the only target.

DRIVER:  So then, what are you goons  doin’ out here, disruptin’ my deliveries, when there’s a freakin’ war being fought on Main Street?

SOLDIER: Orders from Commander Rogers himself: nobody gets in, and everybody gets out. Now, you…and all you folks here…need to turn around and go home! This is a military operation, and its not safe for you people to-

BOOM! Something explodes a few miles behind the blockade. No sooner does panic set in than three flying tentacled beasts come screeching across the skies. Riding on their backs are the grey-skinned creatures glimpsed in the city. They wheel overhead and open fire on all below, civilian and soldier alike. An army sergeant barks his orders.

SERGEANT: Hostiles in the sky! Weapons free! Light ‘em up!

The soldiers return fire as the civilians run for cover. Its chaos. Suddenly, a yellow laser beam pops the head off one of the riders. Another shoots one of the beasts in the eye, sending it crashing onto the freeway. As the surviving assailant swings his mount to hunt this new foe, a red and yellow blur bursts through the skull of the beast he’s riding, and a red gauntlet smashes into his face. As the last of the aliens go down, all eyes turn to the sky once again. There, gleaming in a floating suit of red and gold armour is Tony Stark, the invincible Iron Man.

STARK: Do what the man says folks. Go home and stay there. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a really important call to get to,

And with a whoosh, he’s gone, flying like a fighter jet off into the city.

A tracking shot of Iron Man as he swoops around skyscrapers and fires repulsor beams at the aliens. Eventually, he lands in the conference room of Avengers Tower, coming through a window that was smashed in the fighting.

STARK: Morning, Avengers.

ROGERS: Tony, good, we’re ready to begin.

The large table where the Avengers usually meet has been upturned to face the shattered windows to act as a makeshift barrier. At the back of the room is another huge TV screen, displaying multiple satellite views, infra-red shots and news reports. Around the room are the few Avengers that were present in the tower at the time of attack; the current Captain America, Bucky Barnes…the Protector, the alien warrior Noh-Varr…Spider-man and Spider-woman, Jessica Drew…winged hero the Falcon, and Maria Hill.

STARK; Uh, where’s Thor?

MARIA: He lives in Asgard, and they don’t have phones there.

ROGERS: He’s en route. I made the call.

MARIA: What? Just like that?

ROGERS: I said the words, he’ll be here. Now, down to business. At approximately 0600 hours, New York and perhaps the world was invaded by an army of previously unknown alien life-forms…

SPIDER-MAN: “previously unknown”?

ROGERS: Yes. Using intel collected from the databanks of Reed Richards, S.H.I.E.L.D, S.W.O.R.D., and Noh-Varr here, we’ve deduced that this species isn’t Kree, Skrull, Shi-‘ar, Titan, Martian, Sakarrian, Brood or any other we’ve got catalogues on.

STARK: Could it be something…supernatural, instead?

ROGERS: We had our mystics check into that as well. I didn’t like that they were able to gain entry into our atmosphere without any real spacecraft, so I got everybody I could think of investigating teleportation spells large enough to transport armies. Unfortunately, there were no “mystical disturbances” in this dimension. At this early stage, we have to conclude that this is an invasion from another universe.

BUCKY: My God…

ROGERS: All attempts to contact them have failed. They aren’t interested in talking. Whether they’re doing this for resources, or territory, or some warped religious dogma, we can’t tell. Nor can we tell how they got here, how many of them there are, or…

He breaks off for a minute. The group watches him patiently as he composes himself.

ROGERS: the good news is, they’ve pushed us to the point where we can make it real simple for them. The   U.N.’s stance on unwarranted extra-terrestrial attacks is surprisingly straightforward. Give them no quarter. Those bastards have come here to kill and destroy. Your job is to stop that from happening. Help any civilians you find that are hurt or in trouble, but right now holding back the attack is the priority. You’re the front line, Avengers. Move out.

The Avengers begin to file out the window. Falcon and Protector fly out first. Spider-man pauses for a second.

SPIDER-MAN: Another day, another alien invasion.

He leaps out the window. Tony turns to Steve.

STARK: Where are the Fantastic Four?

ROGERS: Reed, Sue, Johnny and the kids are on vacation in the 1600s, but Ben Grimms staying with Cage’s team at the Mansion, who are already in the field.

STARK:  Damn it. The world’s leading expert on multi-dimensional travel is in another time the day we got attacked by…what are we calling them, anyway?

ROGERS: Due to their frenzied attacking style and possible hive mind mentality, we’ve coined the name “Locust”

BUCKY: A swarm of Locusts. Great.

ROGERS: Bucky, wait. I’m keeping you in reserve for the time being.

BUCKY: You’re what?

ROGERS: This room is our nerve centre. I need you on site to defend it while I co-ordinate the fight.

BUCKY:  Fine. But I’m gonna need more than your old shield and my M-9.

Steve walks over to a space in the wall. He holds his palm against it. A whirring sound comes from behind it and a portion of the wall slides away to reveal a fully-stocked gun cabinet with fire-arms of various makes and sizes.

ROGERS: This should help.

KRA-BOOM.. thunder rolls and bangs across the sky. For a moment, all noise outside the tower stops. Then, hurtling out of the dark, stormy sky like a falling star comes Thor, God of Thunder. With a force that shakes Avengers Tower right to the roof, he strikes his hammer to the earth and sends lightning shooting out to scorch all Locust within fifty feet.

ROGERS: See? Told you he’d be here.

END.

[dustymetaltrail]

he was trying really hard as well -- not breaking character here was rather rough , since the absurdity of it was just . . . jarring ! he clenched his metal fists , raising his voice once she responded .

" I didn't say it was no army of forkin' squids , I said one of them darned eight tentacled freakin' lousy sack of incs came up my doggone drain and shot his ink all the firetruck over my papers ! I ain't tellin no gosh-darn lie to ya ! "

the mere act of the chalk throwing caught him off guard , jumping back just a little as if to defend himself -- but . . . just staring for a second as it hit the ground .

" you tell ma' old man and he'll tell ya the same forkin' thing , he had to wrangle that squid out the house at the butt crack of dawn ! i dunno what to tell ya , teach ! "

non! zéro! barre-toi!

[ what, who, where — scene 2 ]

[poppyseed799]

Tf is up with all the names c!Wilbur gets. Ghostbur. Alivebur. Revivedbur. Bro what. Thanksgiving dinner his family’s gonna be calling him frickin Novembur. He’s gonna get mad and they’ll be like “oh ur Madbur right now”. If he gets corrupted by the egg they’ll call him like Eggbur or Redbur or something. Why can’t people just call the guy by his frickin name. What’s so wrong with saying Wilbur

[belliesandburps]

Our Favorites Handling Bellyaches - Part 2

I received plenty of asks about other characters responding to bellyaches, and so, here are another eight based off the characters requested!

Shoto Todoroki (My Hero Academia):  Todoroki is canonically pretty gluttonous, just not ravenous.  So he won’t rapidly stuff his face like Bakugou or Kirishima, but he’ll steadily eat a lot and keep going with that neutral look on his soft face.  I imagine, for the most part, he doesn’t get stomach aches because he doesn’t overdo it often nor does he really change up his eating habits too much.  But from time to time, he’ll try new things which won’t always agree with him or eat just a wee bit too much.  If something he ate isn’t agreeing with him, he’ll be very subtle but blunt about it.  He’ll have this mild yet notable look of strain on his face while using his cold hand to rub his belly.  The cold side always helps to ease his stomach, which was what his mom used to do whenever lil Shoto got a tummyache as a kid.  This might cause a few gas bubbles to gurgle up his throat, but he tends to muffle those in his mouth.  Now, if he overate, he’s kind of winded.  Todoroki will head to his room and huff breathlessly as he tugs his shirt up and exposes his taut, rounded belly, feeling up just how drum-tight it is beneath his hands.  He’ll use both hands to massage his stomach in that instance; hot and cold, and try to use those abilities to ease his gut while he massages the overstuffed cramps away.  When he’s especially full, his burps get much deeper and louder.  If he muffles them, they rumble quite loudly in his cheeks, or if he really needs to get it out, he’ll throw his head back and expel a DEEP belch, which always leaves him huffing with relief after and muttering a small ‘excuse me.’  He tries not to bother Midoriya, but he absolutely loves it when Midoriya rubs his belly.  Midoriya’s touch is always deeply comforting for him and not only eases his stuffed stomach but also makes him feel safe and secure.  Plus, he finds a little amusement in how flustered Midoriya always gets rubbing his tum.

Tamaki Amajiki (My Hero Academia):  Given the way his ability works and the sheer anxiety he feels, Tamaki is incredibly prone to tummyaches.  Canonically, just thinking about something will make his stomach hurt.  Anxiety-induced tummyaches leave Tamaki whimpering and shivering fearfully as he crumbles to the ground cradling his gurgling gut, and whining that he wants to go home.  It’s...kind of the cutest freakin’ thing ever.  But given how his quirk relies on food, Tamaki will very often try new and exotic meals or eat things that don’t agree with one another, which gives him a really gnarly stomachache.  When that happens, Tamaki’s stomach is pressing out noticeably and rock-hard to the touch.  He’ll groan with a notably nauseous look on his face and find himself stifling a series of wet, gurgling belches, some of which he can’t hold in.  He gets very embarrassed about burping in public, but in these circumstances, he’s too nauseous to get anxious and nervous.  Instead, he’s resisting the urge to throw up, and desperately rubbing his belly to settle it down.  Fatgum or Mirio always suggest he drink some ginger ale to settle his tum down.  Problem is, ginger ale makes Tamaki burp REALLY loudly, and even if he’s nauseous, if he ends up letting out a HUGE burp out in public?  He may literally die from embarrassment.  Tamaki’s also a really hungry lad too, so he tends to overstuff himself from time to time.  If he does, he can sport a pretty sizable belly which he won’t admit feels REALLY satisfying, but less so if he overdid it and is suffering some seriously painful grumbles.  When Tamaki is full to the brim, he’ll whimper at the realization that his belly is very visibly bloated and everyone can see it.  He gets even more embarrassed when anyone wants to touch it or even rub it, making him whimper about wanting to crawl in his room and never leave.  But when he’s packed to the brim, he’ll use the powers he gained from whatever meat he consumed to more rigorously rub his belly, especially octopus tentacles.  Doing so works wonders for settling his stomach, but also makes him incredibly burpy.  He’ll try his best to stifle them but many will roll out of his mouth and be both throaty and surprisingly big.  Tamaki generally is a pretty burpy lad, simply because of how his stomach works to intensely process everything he eats for power.  And it’s part of why he dreads eating out with anyone.  But Kirishima and Fatgum are always amused or trying to top him, while Mirio just laughs and tells him he’s got skills.

Dabi (My Hero Academia):  Dabi’s canonically got a weak stomach.  He actually felt sick dealing with Spinner’s driving and complained about having a pretty bad stomachache.  Like Natsu, I think Dabi gets motion sick very easily.  He admits he doesn’t do well in cars, so I think the bumpier the ride the worse off he gets.  If the league is in a van together, Dabi will be in the corner, doing his best not to groan miserably while his stomach churns deeply and unpleasantly from how turbulent it’s getting.  He’ll be muffling really wet belches behind his fist, groaning after each one and mumbling that he feels like shit.  Sometimes, he’ll burp so hard that his stomach lurches and he has to clamp his mouth shut to keep from throwing up on the spot.  A good few times, the league has had to pull over so Dabi could rush out and puke off to the side of the road.  If he throws up, Dabi gets really pissed out and starts shouting at Spinner for being such an awful driver or getting mad at Shigaraki for not having Kurogiri transport them to where they need to be.  He hates showing weakness around the other villains, which is why he shows a lot of anger instead if he feels queasy.  As such, if Dabi overeats or drinks too much and gets full to the point where he feels sick, he’s less annoyed and just groggy.  He’ll slump back on his couch and unbutton his pants to give his belly some breathing room and really knead into his tight, bloated gut with both hands to try and settle it down.  When he’s full, he tends to have really deep burps, which he freely and shamelessly lets out.  Sometimes, he’ll slap the side of his bulging belly as hard as he can to let out the biggest burp he possibly can in an effort to bring whatever relief he can manage.  Dabi knows how to burp on cue, so he’ll often gulp down air and belch it back up to try and ease a lot of the pressure festering in his gut.  He also loves having his belly rubbed for any reason, so running your hands across his taut, distended middle will always help settle it down and leave him humming softly to your touch.  If he’s relaxed enough though, that can also get him ‘riled up’ for NSFW shenanigans.

Idia Shroud (Twisted Wonderland):  Idia is both canonically gluttonous and canonically works himself into getting some pretty gnarly tummyaches all the time.  The mere thought of having to be around people twists his poor tummy into knots that can make him sick.  When he works himself up, poor Idia will whimper and cradle his stomach while it gurgles in discomfort.  He’ll actually tear up a little bit and whine about needing to hide out back in his room, unless Ortho drags him back into place.  The little robot will offer to rub his big brother’s tummy to make it feel better or suggest they get something from Sam’s shop to help settle Idia’s stomach.  Idia will be a whimpering, whining mess either way.  He also tends to give himself really bad hiccups when he’s anxious and nauseous.  He gives these loud, adorably high-pitched hiccups that leave him whimpering and covering his mouth, tearfully worried that someone’s gonna get really annoyed with him for being so loud.  When he’s overstuffed because he ate way too much without even realizing it (as he tends to), Idia will groan and sit down on his bed, massaging his bulging belly and feeling it gurgle and churn heavily beneath his hand.  Idia’s natural warmth processes what he eats faster than most people, which gives his tummy a much softer, sloshier feel to it when he’s stuffed to the brim.  So when he rubs, he’ll actually knead into his temporary belly fat, crooning at how good it feels.  But being stuffed also makes him pretty burpy, especially when he’s just binged on a bunch of sweets, junk food or soda.  Any time he ever eats, he’s in his room. So, if he’s alone and he ends up letting out a huge burp, Idia will cover his mouth but actually giggle with amusement.  But if the Prefect is in there with him rubbing his belly when Idia burps, he’ll whimper and apologize profusely.  If he knows the Prefect likes ‘em, he’ll still whimper because he’s embarrassed about the way the surface of his soft, plush belly ripples when he burps really loudly.  The Prefect will insist that they like that too, and Idia be flustered because he’s not used to people being attracted to him, so he’ll try and hide behind his sleeves adorably or bite on his oversized sleeve anxiously. 

Venom (Spider-Man):  Venom is a ravenous eating machine, so there’s very, very, VERY little that can upset that perpetually hungry belly of his.  But one thing we canonically know doesn’t sit well in Venom’s stomach is other symbiotes OR extra spicy stuff.  So if Venom gobbles up another symbiote, he’ll store it in his belly trying to absorb it, but the thing will savagely thrash around inside of his belly, seeping out to the surface.  Doing so will make Venom very gassy, and he’ll end up burping uncontrollably while fighting to keep the rogue symbiote back down.  Sometimes, Venom will burp so hard that the symbiote will partially spew out of his slimy maw, only for Venom to grossly slurp it back up before it can escape.  If he has to hold it in long enough, it will make him very nauseous, to the point where his burps grow wetter and he ends up looking miserable and whining at Eddie to do something, which Eddie will just exasperatedly tell him this is entirely his fault.  When it comes to overeating, Venom literally can’t eat too much food to make himself sick.  Sooooo, the only overeating he does is if he ever tries to eat more than one person at once, or tries to eat a REALLY big enforcer.  So, if Venom has two dirtbags squirming and thrashing in his belly or just a really really REALLY big guy, Venom will be immobilized.  He’ll be sitting on his thick rump, groaning with his slimy tongue hanging out of his maw while his massive boulder of a belly thrashes around violently.  And the end result will leave Venom groaning and belching hard enough to shake the ground itself.  And if you think Venom has it bad now?  Wait til Eddie has to sleeve it off and wakes up to the mother of all bellyaches in the morning.  Venom is usually good about burping up the bones of his digested prey before letting Eddie take over, but Eddie will still be unbearably bloated and feel utterly nauseous when he awakes to this huge, taut belly that almost makes him look pregnant.  When that happens, Venom’s tendrils will slither out and rub Eddie’s aching belly all over to try and settle it down with Venom assuring him that they’re okay.  Eddie’s only response will be a record-shattering belch and a miserably groggy groan while Venom cackles and says he’s not too shabby for a human.

Rin Matsuoka (Free!):  This shark-toothed lad has an appetite to spare, and also gets stomachaches a lot from not being careful about when he swims after eating.  The latter has seen him throwing up from time to time.  But when he gets cramps from swimming too fast, his stomach feels harder and gurgles a very thick, acidic-sounding gurgle.  When that happens, Rin becomes a nauseous mess, groaning and muffling really wet-sounding burps, some of which he’ll just let out carelessly, too sick to care.  Haruka and or Makoto (dealers choice) usually try to help by rubbing his aching stomach sensually.  Sometimes, this helps quell the ache in his gut, sometimes, it’s too great to prevent him from spewing.  But he’ll always moan and lean into their touch, desperate to have his belly rubbed, even if it’s in vein, because it still feels amazing.  If Rin ate too much, his belly will be surging out and resting heavily against his pelvis, churning intensely and leaving Rin practically weighed down by his own gut.  Rin has a serious stomach capacity and he can be pretty shameless.  So when he’s overstuffed, Rin tends to burp a lot.  He’ll knead his bulging belly and push out some huge, rumbling belches that force their way up his throats for a good few seconds straight and end with him moaning with relief.  He’ll actually have a lot of pressure stored up from overeating.  So after one really good burp, a good few throaty ones will follow back to back after the biggest one, and usually end with a really long one to punctuate his fullness.  When that happens, Rin just smacks his lips and gives his belly a resounding slap of satisfaction, just feeling relieved at getting the pressure out, and no shame whatsoever.  He’s also a giant tease, so if he sees his partner blushing, he’ll flash them a wink and ask them if they enjoyed the show.

Shiki Granbell (Edens Zero):  The precious friend-loving boi is wild to his core and extremely excitable.  And since he’s a gravity-defying powerhouse, he doesn’t get motion sick at all.  He DOES, however, make the mistake of eating too much and flipping upside down.  When that happens, poor Shiki’s tummy will be giving him all manner of grief.  It will feel rock hard and visibly bloated, and Shiki will be a mess, whimpering and burping in his fist while whining about how much his belly hurts.  When he does, he’s practically begging Rebecca to rub his tummy.  Soon as she does, he’ll turn into a freakin’ puppy, the way he smiles and rests against Rebecca’s sides.  That look of happy contentment on his face is all the reason Rebecca needs to gently massage his aching belly, no matter how many times she warns Shiki to stop and think before using his powers after eating.  He’s also a very hungry lad, and as such, has overstuffed himself time and time again.  This usually leaves his belly big and rounded, sitting heavily on his lap and sloshing heartily from how hyperactive his digestive system is.  When he’s stuffed, he tends to get really big, rumbling burps that leave him huffing after they end, but he’ll still whine about his belly hurting.  Rebecca will remind him that it’s his own fault for eating so much, but all he has to do is whimper pitifully to unwittingly win her over to start rubbing his belly.  Like before, he’s very docile and contented when her hands are on his stomach.  But if he’s stuffed, Shiki tends to burp really loudly to relieve the pressure in his rounded stomach, which always leaves Rebecca staring blankly and asking Shiki to excuse himself.  He’ll just shrug and complain that he can’t help it.  And then he’ll usually punctuate it by thumping his chest and letting out a HUGE burp that leaves him sighing with relief.  But when he sees Rebecca’s eye start to twitch, theeeen he’ll sheepishly mutter a small “s’cuse me... ^^;”

Inuyasha (Inuyasha):  Inuyasha’s a bit of a shameless, greedy pig.  So he tends to overeat often or eat things he shouldn’t.  In the latter’s case, Inuyasha’s stomach will be very noisy, churning up a storm and leaving him grimacing with discomfort.  He’ll complain about his gut hurting, really kneading into his stomach, then telling Kagome to rub his belly...before faceplanting when she barks at him to “SIT!” for making demands.  After that, he’ll growl but groan at how much worse his stomach feels from the sudden smash he was forced to do because of his beads.  Then he’ll groggily yet begrudgingly ask “very nicely” if Kagome can rub his belly.  When she does, despite his crass attitude, he’ll pant happily, letting his tongue hang out at how good it feels having his hard, churning stomach tended to by Kagome.  If he overeats to the point where he gives himself a gnarly bellyache, he’ll be stuffed with a huge, medicine ball of a belly, one that’s forced his robes open while it weighs heavily on his lap.  In cases like that where Inuyasha is full to the brim, he’ll knead his giant belly with his palms and claws and work up some of the largest belches he can manage.  Kagome will get annoyed and tell him to stop being so gross, but Inuyasha will complain he can’t help it, he’s too full and needs to ease the pressure somehow.  He’ll really knead and press into his belly too, making his fingers sink into his soft, currently sloshy gut to force up some huge, throaty belches.  In fact, if Kagome complains that Inuyasha’s being gross, he’ll make it a point to make himself burp louder and more frequently just to troll her, especially since he knows if she uses the curse against him when he’s that bloated, he may be sick and even she doesn’t want that.......she’ll totally get back at him after he finishes digesting his heavy meal though...

And that’s your lot!  If you guys have any more characters you wanna see write ups for, hit up my ask box!  :)

[writer-akihiko]

TWST Dorm Leaders + Singer!MC

So MC sings and what else to sing than Disney songs? Enjoy a romantic endeavor with your beloved dorm leaders! Covers are linked to the song name! Thank you to my child @cursedtwst for helping me with song choices. 

Rest of the dorm leaders under the cut. 

Malleus Draconia - Once Upon A Dream (Belle)

When he found out that you used to sing in your world, he wanted to hear you sing. He was quiet about it, not wanting to pressure you and especially not to remind you that you have somewhere to go back. Oh no, he had to keep his precious child of man here.

He brought you to his favourite hiding spot, surrounded by flowers in an empty field for a picnic. His close friends also came, bringing the foods and entertainment.

You actually had suggested the picnic to cheer up your Tsunotarou since he was quite sad. He was again not invited to a party at the Mostro Lounge.

You had your own selfish reasons for making a picnic… You planned to confess through singing. Lilia quickly caught on, making an agreement to handle the other two as you get together with Malleus.

You pretended to wander off, tossing away your slippers. Knowing the overprotective little dark fae, he'd follow you anyway.

You twirled around, humming to the tune. "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…"

Malleus, who had been watching you intently, was thrown off by your singing. So this is how his precious human sounded…

"I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam,"  You clutched your hands to your heart, pouring your soul into your tune. "Yet I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem…"

Malleus reddened at the selfish thought that the song was meant for him. The lyrics only made him adore you more than ever.

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do," You turned to the Prince himself, pulling him out of his hiding place. "You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream…"

As you hummed the bridge, you took his hand in yours and swayed together, laughing in song seeing how much he towered you.

Malleus was too stunned for words. His angel here was singing to him. What more could he ask for?

"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…"

He grasped your hand, feeling how small your hand was against his.

"I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam,"  You brought your hand to his cheek moving away the hairs that shielded his beautiful coloured eyes from you. "Yet I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem…"

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do… You'll love me at once, the way you did…

Once upon a dream."

You hugged the larger fae, nuzzling your head into his chest. "I like you Malleus."

He couldn't restrain himself, picking you up and staring into your eyes as you did to his. You could see the blush that ran rampant on his cheeks, as his eyes panicked on what to do.

You kissed his cheek, him understanding it as a kiss of acceptance.

"Oh how romantic! Maybe I should take this to Cater to edit! It'll be viral!" Lilia's voice brought the attention of the loving couple.

Well, the picnic ended peacefully, save for the embarrassed screams of the Prince as he yells at his caretaker.

Riddle Rosehearts - Alice (Bruna Wesch)

Ace and Deuce found out you were singing to yourself with your precious guitar in the Ramshackle dorm alone. These two insisted that the next unbirthday they throw, you should definitely sing.

You seriously thought they were joking.

Ace stole your guitar from your room and here you were, about to sing in front of Riddle. It wasn't that you were scared no… It was just that your daft friends couldn’t understand the goosebumps you get at the thought of singing in front of your crush!

Ace and Deuce looked at you eagerly, presenting you your guitar. Cater already has his phone out, preparing to take a video.

You snatched your guitar out, deciding to just go with it. It's not like you have to confess or anything…

Riddle's stare at you made you tense up. Has he been looking at you this whole time? He kinda looks pissed… You decided to get on with it.

You start strumming, letting yourself relax, "Trippin' out, spinnin' around… I'm underground, I fell down… Yeah, I fell down…"

Your tone of voice surprised Rosehearts' audience. Starting to feel more comfortable, you raise your voice a little.

"I'm freakin' out; So where am I now? Upside down, and I can't stop it now…"  You stopped strumming. "It can't stop me now.. Oh~"

Riddle this whole time was impressed. Impressed was an understatement. He felt himself become more and more enchanted with every emotion as you sing it out loud.

"I~ I'll get by,"

"I~ I'll survive…"

Your strumming quickened, "When the world's crashin' down, when I fall and hit the ground, I will turn myself around; Don't you try to stop it! I~ I won't cry…"

You completely immersed yourself in the music, enjoying your guitar and the atmosphere, letting your head nod to the tunes.

"I found myself… in Wonderland…"

"Get back on… my feet again…"

"Is this real? Is it pretend?"

"I'll take a stand… until the end!"

Riddle felt the words flow through him…

As the final strums of the song vibrated through your fingertips, you finished your song.

They got up, applauding you. Riddle got up from his high throne, taking your hand in his.

"…Come and sing for me again please."

Well, here goes nothing.

You nodded, pecking the Queen of Hearts on the cheek before running off with your guitar.

"H-HOW RUDE! COME HERE SO I CAN RETURN THE FAVOUR!"

Oh silly Riddle… That's why YN fell for you in the first place.

Kalim Al-Asim - A Whole New World (Emma Heesters + Dan Berk)

Kalim just knew it! You were a singer! His princess was unfortunately too shy to sing a tune. He couldn't settle for this! If you can't sing alone, then he'll sing with you!

Kalim had arranged a sort of music night at the Mostro Lounge. He convinced you that it was a simple date night but you didn’t expect Jade Leech to announce you two as the next performers.

He gripped your hand, smiling at you. Your nervous self calmed down,  repeatedly telling yourself that Kalim was next to you.

The soft melody started and so did Kalim, "I can show you the world… shining, shimmering, splendid~"  He smiled at you, extending a hand. "Now tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?"

He pulled you close, "I can open your eyes… Take you wonder by wonder~ Over, sideways and under on a magic carpet ride~"

Kalim held your hand, twirling you around. His melodious voice made you blush, wondering how on earth did you ever date someone like him.

"A whole new world~ A new fantastic point of view…" He sung out, always looking at you. "No one to tell us, "no" or where to go, or say we're only dreaming~"

Gathering your courage, you took the microphone and joined Kalim in the chorus.

"A whole new world…. A dazzling place I never knew,"  You continued.  "But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear that now I'm in a whole new world with you…"

"Now I'm in a whole new world with you…" Kalim sung after. His face turned red hearing his princess sing. Oh lovely you looked right now…

"Unbelievable sights… Indescribable feeling,"  You held Kalim's hand. "Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling through an endless diamond sky~"

As you two sung through another chorus, you felt as if it was only the two of you there. Together…

"I'll chase them anywhere,"

"There's time to spare!"

"Let me share this whole new world with you…"

As the final notes of the song fell through, you and Kalim stared into each other's eyes, enjoying the magical bond that kept you glued to each other.

"For you and… me…"

The romantic moment was interrupted by the applause that the Lounge attendees thought that was well deserved. Kalim laughed, holding you up by your waist. "That was lovely my princess!"

Azul Ashengrotto - Part of Your World (Halsey)

[Lyrics were altered to suit the scenario]

After many days of insisting Azul to take you to the ocean, he gave in. Your puppy eyes made him give in. He did bring you to swim with him and the twins. He however, never transformed in front of you. You were as curious as ever, a little saddened that he didn't feel beautiful in front of you.

Jade told you that Azul wanted some time to swim in his octopus form for a bit. You watched as Jade and Floyd swum in the deeper water; too deep for your human self.

Instead you climbed on an overhanging rock, watching the twins swim. You decided to sing… after all Azul won't hear you…

"I wanna be where his people are…"  You hummed out, "I wanna see, wanna see 'em swimmin'… Flippin' around in the waters~"

Floyd heard you from afar, smirking to himself. Oh, Azul you made Shrimpy a little sad siren~

"Movin' your feet you don't get too far! Fins are required for swimmin', flippin',"  You joked to yourself. "Swimmin' along down a — what's that word again? – stream~"

You sighed, singing your thoughts out, "Down where they swim, down where they play, own where they stay all day undersea~"

"Wanderin' free…"

"Wish I could be…"

"Part of his world…"

"YN?!"

There Azul Ashengrotto was, red in the face, staring you up on that rock in an adorable octopus form…

"Azul?..."

You blushed, thinking about how long Azul had been there and probably how much he heard. From behind you, the twins grinned sinisterly as they lifted you up and tossed you into the ocean.

You screamed, but weren't covered in water as you assumed. Azul's soft but firm tentacles had caught you on instinct as he brought you down to face him properly.

"Um… I… liked you singing," He said, unsure how to approach the situation of the Leech twins literally throwing his crush into his arms.

"A-Azul… your… tentacle," You stammered, squirming in his tentacles.

He let go of you, settling you in the shallow waters.

The twins frowned, seeing how their plan didn't work too well. Oh well, there's always next time.

Idia Shroud - I Won't Say I'm in Love (Brittany J Smith)

When shy Idia, your crush, asked you to help you with his experiment, you could not say yes any faster.

Ace, Grim and Deuce kept teasing you on how quickly you agreed, not letting it down and even dragging Ortho with them too. This left you to be quite the tsundere.

You huffed at your friends, "If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I've already won that…"  You sauntered away, crossing your arms. "No man is worth the aggravation… That's ancient history, been there, done that!"

The four joined in chorus, smiling at your denial, "Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'? He's the Earth and heaven to you~

"Try to keep it hidden? Honey, we can see right through you~"

"Girl, ya can't conceal it! We know how ya feel and who you're thinking of~"

"No chance, no way! I won't say it, no, no!"  You shook your head.

"You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh!"  The quartet made love hearts with their fingers, surrounding you.

"It's too cliché!"  You retorted. "I won't say I'm in love!"

You walked through the gardens, unaware that Idia had settled in one of the bushes, keeping an eye out for his brother who had been hanging around a weird gang.

"I thought my heart had learned its lesson… It feels so good when you start out,"  You sung out as you walked around, catching Idia's attention. "My head is screaming get a grip, girl! Unless you're dying to cry your heart out~ Oh no!"

Idia turned to the three idiots who were dancing around you with his brother.

"You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling-"

"Baby, we're not buying! Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling!"

"Face it like a grown-up. When ya gonna own up that ya got, got, got it bad?!"

"Give up, give in! Check the grin you're in love~"

Idia peaked out at you shaking your head and throwing your arms into X's. Your singing somehow calmed him despite you were retorting the idiot trio's claims.

"No chance, no way! I won't say it, no, no,"  You sung again. 

"This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love!"  You said again.

"You're doin flips! Read our lips. You're in love!"  Grim sat on your shoulder, dancing and chuckling at your denial.

"You're way off base,"  You said to Grim. "I won't say it!"

"Get off my case!"  You yelled at Ace and Deuce. "I won't say it!"

It didn't deter the quartet.

"Now, don't be proud. It's okay you're in love~"

"Oh, at least out loud,"  You slump down to a pillar. "I won't say I'm in love…"

Ortho spots his big brother from a distance away and mouths to him: 'She's talking about you.'

This left his pale blue complexion burning a scarlet red, as he repeated the whole song in his head that was about him.

Oh, maybe it'd take more than a song and a dance to let the true confession come.

Leona Kingscholar - Can You Feel The Love Tonight? (Landry Cantrell + Brianne Brieno)

Of course, Leona brought you back to his hometown with Jack and Ruggie in suit. As you and Leona took your evening stroll, Ruggie pulls Jack to the side, spying on you two lovebirds.

"I can see what's happening," Ruggie said.

"I can't, what?" Jack asked, bewildered.

"And they don't have a clue," Ruggie continued.

"Who's they?" Jack asked again.

"They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line," Ruggie slung his arm over Jack's shoulder. "Our trio's down to two."

"Oh, I get it."

"The sweet caress of twilight," Ruggie exaggerated.

"Yep-"

There's magic everywhere," He sighed.

"It's everywhere," Jack commented.

"And with all this romantic atmosphere," Ruggie continued. "Disaster's in the air~"

"Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings,"  The lovely couple harmonised together.

You had been teaching Leona how to sing every time he'd take a nap on you.

"The world, for once, in perfect harmony with all its living things~"

"So many things to tell her…"  Leona sings to himself, pulling out a ring from his pocket. "But how to make her see… the truth about my past? Impossible! She'd turn away from me…"

You took a look at Leona who walked ahead, "He's holding back, he's hiding… But what? I can't decide… Why won't he be the king I know he is?"  You thought about Farena's talk. "The king I see inside?"

"Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings?"

Leona slowed down, taking you near him to twirl you across the gardens.

"The world, for once, in perfect harmony with all its living things…"

You brought the lion's forehead to touch yours, comforting him in a way he'd never felt.

"Can you feel the love tonight? You needn't look too far…"  The couple basked in each other's warmth, finding comfort in each other.

"Stealing through the night's uncertainties… Love is where they are~"

"And if he falls in love tonight…" Ruggie sniffled. "It can be assumed…"

"His carefree days with us are history," Jack added on.

"In short, our pal is… doomed!"

Later that night, before you rested in your sheets, Leona took the ring out, getting down on a knee.

The rest is history as they say.

Vil Schoenheit - I'm Wishing (Sierra Nelson)

You had stayed over at the Pomefiore dorm to… in simple words… observe your beautiful crush, Vil Schoenheit.

The little fluffy bunny Epel and you rescued from Rook's clutches cuddle into your arms as you sigh forlornly, near Vil's newly installed fountain.

"Want to hear a secret?" You mischievously told the fluffy bunny.  "Promise to never tell?"

You swayed your head, singing in your soft tunes, "We are standing by a wishing well…"

"Make a wish into the well… That's all you have to do,"  You recited, practicing your voice almost. "And when you hear it echoing~ You're wish will soon come true…"

The commotion of your voice called to Vil. He was wondering what was that melodious… BEAUTIFUL… voice that interrupted his skin care routine. There he saw you, sitting so elegantly with Rook's bunny in your arms as you sung like an angel from above.

He leaned against his window, lending his ear to your song.

"I'm wishing…"  The deep fountain echoed back.

"For the one I love,"  You professed. "To find me today…"

The one you love?! Why that must be no one but him!

"I'm hoping… and I'm dreaming of,"  You sighed dreamily. "The nice things he'll say…"

"Ah~"

As the sweet sound of your voice rung out through his courtyard, he let your melody help him continue his beauty care.

The moment you finished singing, he made his way down, hugging his little songbird.

"I heard you singing for me," He whispered into your ear, kissing your ear so tenderly.

You almost dropped the poor bunny as you blushed, being kissed by the one you love. Vil brought your face closed to his, staring deeply into your eyes.

"Only a sweet voice such as yours deserves to be worshipped by a queen like me~"

[salmonid-ink]

Let’s talk about Salmonid intelligence!

There seems to be a wide misconception that Salmonids aren’t intelligent, or at the very least, aren’t as smart as Octolings or Inklings. This idea couldn’t be farther from the truth! And because I’m the Resident Salmonid Fanatic™ it’s my job to talk about this. 

In hopes to make people consider and think of Salmonids in a better light, and NOT as pets, I’m going to do my best to pull evidence from in-game, as well as interviews, that imply or outright confirm that Salmonids are sapient, much like our beloved Octolings and Inklings. 

To start, I’d like to touch on their interactions with other creatures, namely their trade deal with the Octarians. It’s hard to argue for Salmonids not being intelligent when you consider the confirmed fact that they actively trade with other creatures to benefit the both of them.

They exchange their useful Power Eggs (and perhaps vegetables and fruits) to the Octarians for mechanical blueprints, weapons, and machine parts (and potentially tentacle cuts for food). We can wager this trade deal has been going on for a long time, as the Salmonids are fitted to the gills with machinery, and you can make the argument that the Octomaw was inspired by Maws!

While the Salmonids could easily take these blueprints and make the machines exactly as the Octarians planned them, these fish take it one step beyond and put their own twist on things! With their intellect, they’ve customized traditional weapons to suit them better, and the examples can be seen in just about every boss you encounter. 

Ink Storm + Brella -> Drizzler

Sting Ray -> Stinger

Ink Jet + Tenta Missiles -> Flyfish

Splash Wall -> Steel Eel

Baller/Splashdown   -> Steelhead

Shielded Octotrooper + Roller  -> Scrapper

Octocopter -> Chinook

Flooder -> Griller

Octo Seeker -> Mothership

Additionally, they are INSANELY resourceful, able to use any scrap of metal or machinery to make their contraptions, and make them decently reliable. Not to mention the fact that Scrappers are able to repair their cars! On the fly! All while under fire! That takes dedication AND smarts!!

Not to mention the fact that Smallfry, who could very well be babies (and I will argue that they are, as there is no benefit to stunting the growth of ANY creature), are able to pilot Flyfish. They were raised just right in the best environment, and now they’re super smart!

Also, Salmonids are crazy creative, with how they’ve incorporated their cookware into their weaponry. They take their aesthetic to the next level, man.

Next, lest talk about their homes!

It’s vastly clear that they have their own society. At the very least, we can take a glimpse of it with their houses. The Lost Outpost (known as the Colony at Sea in Japan) is a great example of this!

While these houses look like they were cobbled together with recycled parts, which falls in line with Salmonid resourcefulness, they are clearly stable living spaces that were built by he Salmonids themselves with ocean living and fishing in mind. 

Additionally, towards the back of the stage, we can see another house with a city on the horizon. While this is purely speculation, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to believe that this city is Salmonid-owned. The areas you go to are claimed to be restricted ocean zones, and given that you’re so far out that you need a house-sized radio dish just to communicate, it’s hard to believe that the city would be owned by anyone else. 

I think these city-based homes would be owned by Salmonids that work with machinery, such as repairmen and mechanics. This could also include artisans! Farmers would obviously live in more rural areas, where they can plant and grow their crops. 

We can also glean a similar idea from the Spawning Grounds (called the Salmonid Dam in many other languages): 

I will argue until the day I die that the dam found in the Spawning Grounds, as well as the adjacent city, belongs to the Salmonids, as evidence by its proximity to the stage, the green water pouring from the dam, and the very clear Salmonid mark on it.

Whether this city was built by them, or it’s one they took ahold of and built upon during one of their past migrations is yet to be determined, seeing my speculations are even true. Either way, it’s clear that the Salmonids are capable of building structures and homes with ease!

If we talk about their homes, even if this is much more on the speculative end, we’ve also GOT to talk about the factory we can see at Marooner’s Bay:

Again, given the proximity to Salmonid territory, as well as the various Salmonid-themed items around the stage, we can speculate that these factories are Salmonid owned, and perhaps where they work on many of their machines and devices.

Things such as Scrapper Cars, Steel Eels, Flyfish jets, Grillers, and Motherships could be constructed here, or this place could be used for processing water or chemicals! It’s a rather vague factory, so again, this is all theoretical. I haven’t a clue what they do here. 

Next let’s talk about their art. The existence of art alone should be enough of an indicator that they have minds to think and feel with! Especially when their designs are as intricate as these:

The most of these can be seen around the Lost Outpost and Spawning Grounds, but every single stage has a few of these markings floating around. I don’t currently have many in-stage caps on hand, but if you take the time to look around, you’ll find a few on the ground and walls!

While a lot of these are very clearly graffiti markings, the intricate designs may have some meaning. While we haven’t a clue what exactly they mean, or what they represent, I think they’re extremely fascinating, and give us a peek into what culture Salmonids have. 

They’re likely made with stencils, but all the same, they were designed carefully, and must hold SOME significance.

I have a theory that these designs are primarily to mark specific territories. Perhaps certain marks mean different schools and families! Or some of them could be warnings, such as to indicate Grizz activity (such as with the bear icon, which appears in a few stages). 

I believe in part, these are a form of expression, ESPECIALLY if they indicate schools. There are so many unique fish-shaped designs, it’d be cool to see how these correlate to individual groups!

They could also be a visual indicator for Inklings and Cephalopods that, yes, this is Salmonid territory, so you’d best stay away! Because while it’d be easy for a Salmonid to tell what area belongs to who by smell alone, Inklings certainly don’t have that luxury!

At any rate, I’d love to see what personal art looks like for Salmonids. What kind of crafts do they make? What sort of things do they love to paint? We don’t really know, and we can only speculate...

One thing we know for certain is that Salmonids appreciate music. It even seems as though they’re inspired by it, given the descriptions that the Salmon Run songs have.

I feel like this is worth stating, even if their existence is fairly common knowledge: ω-3. A band. That plays complex instruments. And does all their own mixing. 

Pretty freakin’ smart, I must say!

Additionally, each of the members have VASTLY different styles. The Cellist is stern and stubborn, and won’t accept anything but the best, be it in passion or in radical works. The timpanist is soulful, passionate, and is straight to the point. The DJ is reckless and disrespectful, yet puts forth his best effort.

All three of them are so unalike to one another in style and personality. They may not even get along that well, but at the end of the day, they value working together SO MUCH that they make amazing, unique, and great-sounding songs that stir and inspire their people. 

It’d be amazing to see what other types of music that Salmonids like, because this can’t be the only kind. However the style of  ω-3 certainly goes hand-in-hand with the chaotic, resourceful, and determined nature of the Salmonids. 

We should also touch up on the fact that Salmonids are stated to have tradition. Aside from their 70-year migration, they’re also stated to pass cookware from generation to generation in Sunken Scroll #19.

"Salmonids are known to keep their weapons in tip-top shape. The frying pans they wield have often been passed down from generation to generation. You can see the unwavering pride of these fierce warriors in their (somewhat crazed) eyes."

I like to think that they also pass things like recipes and other tools down to their offspring and kin. Family and schools on the whole appear to be very important to them, which ties directly into their drive to work together as a unit, rather than separately as a makeshift team.

For some conventional evidence, look at this one bit from the Merry Fishmas piece, posted by official Splatoon sources: 

I LOVE this image, and there are so many tiny details that you can make out in this. Such as these two:

THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS, and this ain’t no dogs playing poker bit, either! It looks like the other one is losing really bad... Or going into a food coma. One way or another, the other Salmonid is trying to check up on them, haha. Or maybe they’re trying to sneak a peek at the other’s cards? Who knows! That sly grin tells a story.

Also, there’s this Goldie, who is fishing:

These are all pretty human-like characteristics, which makes me think, all the more, that they’re on par with Inklings intelligence wise. I REALLY want to see more interactions like this someday, it fills my heart with delight and joy.

Phew.. Well, thank you so much for sticking with me through this whole thing. I hope this helps people get more perspective on Salmonids, and what little we know about their community and culture. 

[thevibraniumveterans]

“What If…?” Wednesdays! 1.01

EPISODE ONE!

WHAT IF CAPTAIN CARTER WAS THE FIRST AVENGER?

Wednesday, Aug 11, 2021.

I watched the episode with my dad, and I loved it! Some parts I found hilarious, and when I think back to how it differs from the “Sacred Timeline” (which thanks to the events of Loki Ep 6, is no more), there were several very interesting things that happened. I’ll list the biggest ones.

1. Steve preps for the procedure, but gets shot, survives, and Peggy takes the serum in his stead. PEGGY BECOMES A SUPER SOLDIER.

2. Red Skull takes the Tesseract. This doesn’t change.

3. (Captain Carter’s infiltration sequence was brilliant.)

4. “You owe me a dance,” says Peggy. Kinda a role reversal, but that’s cool.

5. Peggy goes to rescue the 107th. (“Who are you, the Queen of England?” Not cool, Bucky! 😂, Hilarious, though.)

6.  Steve Rogers joins the war effort in a machine called the Hydra Stomper. Kinda Iron Man-esque, before Iron Man. I like it.

7. “Hold on, you can’t even drive a car!” Yo, Bucky, do you ever not stop with the one-liners?! 🤣

8. I love the almost-kiss and then freakin’ Howard turns up and Bucky’s in the car. The HILARITY! 😆

9. Bucky almost falls off the train, but gets saved by Peggy. (“You almost ripped my arm off!” Okay, Bucky, who gave you the right?! 🤣) BUCKY NEVER BECOMES THE WINTER SOLDIER.

10. STEVE FALLS INSTEAD OF BUCKY, but survives.

11. As mentioned, Red Skull has the Tesseract, and experiments with it…resulting in this portal… from which this multi-tentacled creature emerges. it crushes Red Skull…which is odd. He is no more, I guess?!

12. Peggy attempts to stop being pulled into the portal by the tentacled creature, but even with the efforts of the 107th, this is unsuccessful.

13. SHE PUSHES BACK AND PROMISES STEVE A DANCE(just like Steve did in the “Sacred Timeline” before he disappears)…

14. …AND ENDS UP in 2012…

15… in the same facility we saw Loki first turn up in The Avengers. So basically, PEGGY GETS INTERCEPTED BY FURY AND BARTON INSTEAD OF LOKI. As such, the Battle of New York would never happen.

I wonder what would happen next week? I guess we’ll wait and see.

[fastcarried]

@warpsreality​ asked: " dude ??!!!! what part of stick to the plan did you not understand ?! "

“Well, Billy— in case you haven’t noticed, but NOTHING ever seems to go to plan with us! Not in our past lives, not in our alternate universe lives, and not in this life, so I’m just helping to cement our family tradition!”

“NOWWITHTHATOUTOFTHEWAY— can you hurry up and do your mumble magic crap and get these tentacles away from me?! They’re freakin’ me out, man!”

[the-moon-pal]

Okay, so I got inspired by the post where Scott and Don meet and this happened!

Not sure about the characterization but ECH

Hope you like this lil short thing anyway :v

———————

To say he was having a weird night was the understatement of the decade.

Don was immensely thankful that he was the last one to leave the shop that night because he couldn't even begin to try and play this off. He'd been on his way back home, business as usual, and there was another guy skulking around clear on the other end of the parking lot. That in itself wasn't too out of the ordinary. It was a Friday night and they had their fair share of drunks wandering back home at this hour.

What was unusual was that the guy had caught up with Don halfway to his car. Again, he was surprised but not overly concerned. He could handle himself in a fight just fine. What did throw him for a loop was the absolute horror of a mouth the guy had.

So now instead of taking a load off after a long week, he was busy wrestling a man who was more teeth than anything else. The guy kept on struggling despite being thoroughly pinned. Arms held down, legs kicking for purchase, oversized mouth held firmly shut. Stubbornly, the guy bit down on the only tentacle he could actually reach.

Don was still struggling to work up any emotion other than shock.

"What in the hell..."

In lieu of a response the mystery monster, because really what else could he be, just glared at him. Alright, he could work with this. Probably. Don shifted his grip a bit and the guy immediately made use of his newfound freedom.

"What the fuck?!"

Don blinked. "Kid you just tried to eat me, I think I should be the one sayin' that."

The kid sputtered, clearly furious. Don might've found the angry wiggling funny in almost any other situation.

"Excuse me for not realising I was gonna snack on a freakin' octopus!"

"That... really isn't the issue here," Don looked him over again. How long has this kid been picking people off? And how had he not been caught yet?

Don was probably a bit out of practice himself but this wasn't exactly a deserted part of town. Hell, the police station was only a few blocks down! When he told the kid as much though he didn't seem to appreciate the advice.

Mystery man scoffed, glaring off to the side. "Was never a problem before now..."

Humming, Don came to a decision. The kid stumbled a bit as he suddenly found his feet back underneath him and blinked as Don offered him a handshake. They were both back to looking like your everyday Joes again. Well, besides a bit of blood.

"Name's Don Cahill."

The kid looked at him like he was insane. Which, granted, he probably was considering losing a hand was just as likely as a handshake. Though he didn't return the gesture, the kid straightened and wiped a bit of blood off his chin.

"Scott."

Undeterred, Don huffed a laugh. "Right, well Scott," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "you wanna grab a bite?"

A beat passed.

"There's a diner down the road, kid."

Scott rolled his eyes. "I got it." He seemed to hesitate for a moment, looking Don over for some kind of ulterior motive before shrugging. "Might as well. Gotta get this taste outta my mouth anyways."

"Whatever you say, pal."

[spookyscientistskeleton-moved]

nightmare for ferno

More Sick M!As! || Accepting!

Nightmare: Muse has terrible fever dreams every time they sleep for 24 hours as long as I feel like but probably a couple of days

“Ugh, this burger’s burnt to a freakin’ crisp!” He hears the soft thwump of the burger landing in the trash bin behind the bar, momentarily distracting him from the Caipirinha he’s mixing. His gaze shifts to the side (ugh, looked up too fast, fucking dizzy), and lingers there on the trash can for a moment. The rum he’s pouring overflows in the glass, spilling onto the floor. “I ain’t paying for this, man!” 

Everyone in the bar seems to jump in unison as Ferno flips around the bottle, and promptly smashes it against the counter. As he points the jagged glass in Jerry’s direction, his tentacles fly up defensively. “Whoa, hey, chill!” 

‘Waste food in my fucking bar again an’ I’m grinding you up for burgers, you fuckin’ prick!’ 

It doesn’t sound as cool as it might have any other time. He sounds jittery, anxious, his voice cracking slightly. And then the momentary rush of adrenaline is gone as soon as it arrives, and he’s suddenly just tired again. More tired than he’s been in years. Tired down to his non-existent bones. The pounding bass beat from the speakers feels like a hammer against his core, and he just wants to smash the fucking stereo, wants to smash everything and everyone in this fucking shithole. 

‘Everybody just get the FUCK out!’ he snarls. No one questions him. The tables empty out, the dance floor clears, and people start shuffling out into the night again. He switches off the music, leaving a heavy silence in the place as he storms back behind the bar to grab a glass and a bottle of whiskey.

Fuck this.

Fuck this.

Ferno practically runs this fucking town. Nobody fucks with him, not anyone without a deathwish anyway, and no way in hell he’s letting his own mind get one over on him now. He pours himself a shot and pounds it back, then pours himself another. Nothing to do now but get himself so fucked up that his head can’t do shit to him. So that he can finally get a peaceful night of fucking sleep again.

He downs another shot, and his eyes squeeze shut. And he can--see himself there again, for a moment, and he’s back in that town, and he’s surrounded by them, by emaciated, starving human children, gazing up at him pleadingly, silently begging him for help, and it’s enough to make him want to fucking scream.

He settles for chucking the shot glass against the wall instead. His next swig is direct from the bottle, a long, deep pull that leaves him coughing into his arm.

Fuck this. 

[mcsmseason3]

MCSM Origins Book I: Enter Lapilisia Lazul - Part 2

Summary:

Lapis and Emerl arrive in the Nether to find Magnus and Ellegaard, two members of the Order of the Stone, fighting some ghasts. After aiding in their defeat, Lapis receives an offer that chnages everything.

Previous Chapter: Here

Next Chapter: Here 

Lapis held tightly to the edges of the minecart as she prepared herself mentally for whatever chaos was awaiting her and Emerl. Lapis was sure that if she had a heart, it’d be beating out of her chest. As the carts got closer, Lapis and Emerl heard the cries of the ghasts, explosions and yelling.

“Magnus, watch where you’re exploding those things!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you keep getting in the way!”

Lapis heard Emerl sigh as she muttered, “Those two, I swear…” Emerl then turned back to face Lapis, “Get ready! It’s showtime!”

The carts turned a corner and grinded to a stop as Emerl noticed a large crater where the tracks should be. Floating above were three ghasts – one with two arrows in it. Another arrow just barely grazed the ghast as Lapis turned to see where it had come from. Bow and arrow in hand, Lapis saw a woman with brown hair and pale skin, wearing brown, black and gold armour with redstone embedded in the chest armour, along with brown pants and dark red boots.

“Fire in the hole!!!”

Lapis jumped in surprise as a TNT block went flying into one of the ghasts, destroying it. Standing behind what looked like a hastily-put-together TNT cannon was a bald man with a black bandanna tied around his head with holes for his eyes. He wore green armour with a leather belt and four yellow buttons on his chest, along with brown and gold gloves and boots.

“Ha! What were you saying, Ellie?” Magnus yelled with a cocky smirk. Emerl saw one of the ghasts launch a fireball at Magnus. “Magnus, heads up!” Emerl yelled out as she dived between Magnus and the fireball, blocking it with her shield. “Nice timing, Emerl.” Ellegaard nodded to the emerald Gem as she aimed her bow at the ghasts, “These ghasts ambushed us while we were building the rails.”

“Where’s Ivor, Soren and Gabriel?” Emerl yelled out as she reflected another fireball with her shield. “Up ahead finishin’ the rails!” Magnus replied as he loaded another stack of TNT into the cannon, “They told us to distract while they finish it off.” Magnus noticed Lapis as she climbed – albeit clumsily – out of the minecarts, “Who’s the noob?”

“That’s Lapis. I found her while patrolling the forest.” Emerl replied before turning to Lapis, “Alright, Lapis. Show me what you got!”

“R-right!” Lapis stuttered as she summoned her weapon. It was a long whip with small blue crystals encrusted in the whip. The handle was also blue with golden markings. Lapis held onto the handle with both hands as she wound back and flung the whip forward like a fishing rod. It wrapped itself around one of the ghast’s tentacles. Lapis ran over to where Emerl, Magnus and Ellegaard was and began pulling the whip towards her, reeling in the ghast, “I got it! Go ham on it before it destroys us!”

“Not bad, kid!” Magnus smirked as he launched another TNT at the trapped ghast, destroying it. “One more left!” Emerl called out. “Look out!” Ellegaard yelled as the last ghast fired a fireball at the group. “I got it! Stand back!” Lapis flung her whip at the fireball, causing it to wrap around it. She spun it around like in hammer-toss, until she finally released it – falling onto the ground in the process – and the fireball went hurtling back towards the ghast, killing it. Lapis breathed heavily as she got to her feet, staring at where the ghast once was. “Ok…that was pretty freakin’ awesome!” Magnus laughed as he gave Lapis a hearty slap on the back, causing her to stumble a bit, “What was your name again, kid?”

“Lapilisia Lazul.” Lapis replied with a smile, “But you can call me Lapis.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Lapis.” Ellegaard gave a small smile as she walked up to her, “My name is Ellegaard, and the reckless nutcase here is Magnus.”

“Well, at least I’m not an egghead know-it-all!” Magnus argued.

“Oh, is that the best argument you could think of? Maybe if you emptied all that gunpowder out of your head, you could actually make a logical thought.”

“Well your head is so full of redstone, I sometimes wonder if you’re actually human and not some redstone creation!”

Lapis glanced back and forth between Magnus and Ellegaard as they argued before turning to Emerl, “Are they-”

“Always like this? Yep.” Emerl finished with a sigh before interrupting the two bickering humans, “If you two aren’t busy acting like children, the rails got damaged during the fight and need to be fixed before the others get back.”

“Oh, of course.” Ellegaard nodded as she walked away from Magnus who just glared at her, “This ain’t over, Ellie!”

“It never is…” Emerl muttered under her breath as she went to help Ellegaard with the rails. “So you’re like Emmie, eh?” Magnus asked, motioning to her gemstone, “My guess is a Lapis?”

“Nope. Azurite.” Lapis grinned. “Oh. I thought since your name is Lapis, it’d be a…” Magnus seemed genuinely surprised but was cut off by Lapis giggling, “I’m just kidding. I’m a Lapis Lazuli.”

“Yeah, I knew that! I was just…playing along! Yeah!” Magnus grinned smugly, “Anyways, I’m Magnus – greatest griefer in the world and king of Boomtown. Ellie over there is our redstone nerd and ruler of Nerdtopia.”

“Redstonia!” Ellegaard called over her shoulder. Magnus just stuck his tongue out at her, earning a chuckle from Lapis. “I can hear your insufferable bickering from down the rails!” A voice called out as three minecarts clattered down the rails just as Ellegaard and Emerl finished the repairs. The first to climb out, who Lapis assumed was the one who called out, was a man with long, slick black hair, an unkept beard, and pale skin that looked like it hadn’t seen the sun in years. He wore a long olive coat with black shoes and a leather belt with a lapis stone on it.

“At least you managed to get rid of the ghasts. I would’ve been able to take them on, but we needed to finish the rails first.” A man with dark skin, dark brown eyes and a dark moustache said as he climbed out of the cart. He wore dark blue armour with diamonds embedded in it.

Another man with ginger hair with a moustache and beard with tanned leather armour, grey gloves and pants climbed out behind him, “Well, we got the rails to the ice spikes portal finished, that’s the important part.”

“Glad to hear that the rail is the important part and not the fact that we nearly got roasted by ghasts.” Magnus rolled his eyes as he folded his arms. “You know Soren didn’t mean it like that, Magnus.” Emerl sighed. Ivor glanced at Lapis, “And who’s this?”

“Uh, hi! I’m Lapis! And I guess you’re Ivor?” Lapis smiled. “How’d you guess that?” Ivor asked narrowing his eyes at the Gem. “Emerl said Ivor was a person who looked super grumpy but was actually really nice.”

“W-WHAT?!” Ivor seemed taken aback, his face turning red, as Emerl turned away quickly to hide her face from Ivor. Magnus burst into laughter as Gabriel, Soren and Ellegaard chuckled a little. “Oh…oh geez! That face…haha!!” Magnus wheezed while pointing at Ivor, “Lapis, that was awesome!”

“I mean…she’s not wrong, Ivor.” Soren shrugged. Ivor just shot him a glare before sighing, “Let’s just head back before more of those ghast show up.”

Lapis went to follow the rest of the Order back to the carts when her gem and eyes suddenly began to glow. Lapis saw herself push Magnus out of the way as a fireball hit her in the shoulder, causing her to poof. Lapis snapped out of her vision and sighed, “Poofed twice in one day? It’s better than that time I was poofed five times in that tournament back home…” Lapis climbed into one of the minecarts as she and the Order zoomed back to where the main portal was.

 ————————————————————

 “So you survived the creeper explosion, but was poofed by hitting the ground?”

“Yep. Pretty silly, huh?”

Emerl and Lapis were explaining how they met as they approached the portal. “Don’t beat yourself up.” Ellegaard replied, “Emerl once got poofed by a baby pigman on our first trip to the Nether after beating a large army of them.”

“The lil’ brat snuck up on me! How was I supposed to see him?!” Emerl called from the back of the carts, earning a laugh from the rest of the group. “I have to say, however,” Ellegaard continued, “Your skills were pretty impressive back there.”

“Aw, ‘twas nothin’” Lapis blushed a light shade of blue – which made her gold freckles stand out – as she scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. “Whoa! Cool markings, kid.” Magnus pointed out, looking at Lapis over his shoulder. “Oh, you mean my freckles?” Lapis asked, motioning to the small golden dots on her cheek, “Some lapis Gems have gold markings or specks on their gems that carry over to their physical form. And I’m one of them. It’s pretty rare back home, so I’m pretty proud of my babies!”

Magnus laughed as Lapis poked both of her cheeks and stuck out her tongue. “So where are you off to next?” Gabriel asked. “Dunno.” Lapis shrugged, “I’ve been kinda wandering aimlessly ever since I got here.”

“Well, if you like,” Soren began, “From what Emerl, Magnus and Ellegaard are saying, you seem like a capable fighter, and I’m sure Emerl wouldn’t mind the extra pair of hands. You could stay with the Order if you want.”

“Really?” Lapis exclaimed, “Th-that’s alright with-?”

Lapis was cut off by a familiar cry from behind as the carts arrived at the steps to the portal. “Uh oh. We have company!” Emerl called out, seeing a ghast giving chase to them. “Quick! To the portal!” Gabriel yelled as everyone clambered out of the carts and dashed up the steps. As the Order began to jump through the portal, Lapis remembered her vision and quickly ran at Magnus, “Magnus, watch out!” She pushed Magnus out of the way as the fireball slammed into her shoulder and poofed her, sending her gem clattering onto the ground. “Lapis!” Magnus exclaimed as he quickly grabbed her gem and dashed into the portal after the rest of the Order.

 Upon reaching the other side, Emerl glanced around to make sure everyone got through, “Wait. Where’s Lapis?”

“I have her.” Magnus replied, holding up Lapis’s gem, “She got poofed saving me from that ghast. It was kinda weird though. It was like she knew it was gonna happen.”

“That’s because Lapis is a Shard like me. Except her power is the ability to see future events before they happen.” Emerl explained. As she said this, Lapis’s gem began to glow brightly. “Um, Magnus? You might wanna put the gem-” Emerl was cut off as Lapis reformed and landed right on top of Magnus.

“ACK!”

“OOF!”

“…down.” Emerl finished with a sigh. Lapis rubbed her forehead before noticing she was on top of Magnus and quickly got off him with a small blush on her face before helping him up, “Er, sorry! Are you okay?”

“Yep, I’m good!” Magnus replied, dusting himself off, “I’ve had worse.”

“He’s not joking about that, by the way.” Ellegaard added, “He nearly dies every Tuesday.”

“I think that’s kinda exaggerating a bit.” Magnus rolled his eyes. “It’s not.” The rest of the Order replied in near unison.

“Anyway, since we were rudely interrupted by that ghast before,” Soren began, “What’s your decision, Lapis.”

“I think the proof’s in the pumpkin pie.” Emerl chuckled as she motioned to Lapis’s robes. They were the same as before, but now bore the same symbol Emerl had on her cloak, except hers was blue and gold. Lapis smiled proudly and nodded. “Alright!” Magnus laughed as he wrapped an arm around the gem and gave her a noogie, “Welcome to the Order, kid!” Lapis laughed before being eventually released from Magnus’s noogie hold. She could feel excitement bubble up within her. This was the beginning of a brand-new adventure…

 …but not in the way she was expecting.

 To Be Continued...