#freak in the excell spreadsheets

[nectarink]

Business is my kink.

[rinniessance]

ANGIE LMAOOO the selfship excel sheet is so funny you are such a real one for that (i am also so honored to be the first one listed <3)

all of you chose to follow the funniest person alive im sorry ! (and of course , u r #1 everywhere 💖)

[cinnbar-bun]

first off— I LOVE UR WORK!! i think i just went thru and read everything you have for one piece LOL. second!!! i saw hc / drabble request open !! i have a silly idea that i feel like you can make come into reality.

recently i’ve been watching isekai’s so…imagine. reader getting isekai-d into the one piece world!!! (more specifically, interactions with the cross guild!!!)

A/n: Thank you very much nonnie!! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my stuff. Please enjoy this <3

Getting Isekai'd Into Cross Guild!

Rating: SFW

Relationship: Cross Guild x Reader

Notes: GN!Reader, a bit crack, short and sweet. No relationship is defined so you can assume it to be platonic or romantic <3.

The wonderful Truck-kun granted your wish of getting isekai’d by sending you straight to the One Piece world! How wonderful! 

Except, you quite literally fell on top of Buggy just as he was trying to argue his case to Crocodile and Mihawk. 

Now, they have no clue what the hell just happened but Mihawk already agrees with whatever that just was. 

Buggy is about to scream over the fact you just fell on top of him and Crocodile is wondering how you managed to get here. 

Crocodile assumes a Devil Fruit, Mihawk assumes you snuck in, and Buggy assumes you’re the devil. 

It takes a moment for things to settle down as they demand you tell them what you’re doing here. You explain that well… uh… you’re not really from here. 

Crocodile almost plans to kill you right away because he doesn’t have time for stupidity like that, but you show whatever you have on hand to prove otherwise. 

They’re all immediately entranced by your phone, but they have something they’re also interested in too. 

Crocodile: Your credit cards and money. When you explain how a credit/debit card functions he’s amazed. Tempted to start a bank and overhaul the current financial system. Also loves the excel spreadsheets. The fact this “machine” will calculate all of this for you and put it in a neat list… well… mark him down as interested. 

Buggy: The shiny games on your phone that are colorful and fun. The fact he can “Google” anything and look up new material. 

Mihawk: EReaders and, this will sound hilarious, but text messaging. He doesn’t care to talk, but he thinks that sending texts would be so much more effective and efficient than having to haul himself around the sea or, god forbid, answer a phone call. 

Okay so you did manage to prove you’re not from this world (or that perhaps you were an alien freak but that’s okay) and Crocodile and Mihawk are pretty much entertained. That’s it. You can go. Bother someone else. 

Buggy however, holds you close and pouts. “Can we keep them? Can we keep them pleeeeeeeease???” He begs as if you’re a little puppy. 

Crocodile is against this but Mihawk shrugs and agrees. Whatever. This could be interesting. 

Buggy still doesn’t understand you’re not some circus animal and rambles about what he should have you wear and perform for his show while Crocodile cuts him off. 

Frankly, if you’re telling the truth and have nowhere else to go, you gotta earn your keep. Crocodile just makes a new position for you that shouldn’t be too hard after you said you have 0 combat skills or training. 

You’re basically just their assistant and do menial work that no one else really wants to do. For now at least. 

Buggy is actually… kinda happy you’re so nice to him? He’s used to either worship from his crewmates or abuse from Mihawk and Crocodile, so you quickly become his new favorite person. He’s pretty shocked you’re as nice as you are considering how crappy this situation is, but he’s grateful. Softens up to you right away and loves having your attention. 

Buggy likes to do silly tricks to make you laugh whenever he can, mostly as a way to be the “flashiest” guy in your eyes. He really doesn’t like when others try to take you or away or interrupt his time with you, since he’s a brat and finds you entertaining. 

Crocodile and Mihawk are tougher nuts to crack. Neither of them trust people, but they find you interesting, even though you are incredibly weak compared to others. 

Crocodile always tries to see what you may/may not know about him since you made a few offhand comments that were a bit too… knowledgeable… so he often tries to get you to slip up more or confess to something. He hopes to see if you know something useful that can be used (but also deep down is afraid you know too much). 

Mihawk on the other hand finds you amusing. Plenty of things are similar to your world, but it’s quite clear you’re not used to many aspects of this one. He forms a habit of just watching you or actively messing with you to see your reaction. It’s a bit funny to him, admittedly. 

Of the two, Mihawk is the first to somewhat let his guard down and be a bit protective of you. He figures even if you were hypothetically “dangerous”, he could easily kill you so what does he care? You do your job, you’re entertaining, and you don’t give him a headache. 

Crocodile only lets up when you “prove” time and time again that you are reliable and not trying to go after them or sabotage them. He does think it’s a bit weird you’re eager to help them, considering what they do and what you know, but hey, who is he to complain? 

To sum it up: Crocodile cares the most about you being isekai’d, Buggy cares the least (except when it comes to his perception. He wonders if he’s also got a following there).

Buggy likes showing off his new tricks or discussing silly hypotheticals with you. 

Crocodile likes when your eyes grow wide whenever he drops an expensive item on your desk as a token of his appreciation to you. 

Mihawk likes when you talk him to normally and share deep discussions with him. 

It is a bit strange that there’s some “normal” person with these three villains, but you’ve become important to them. You’re unique and special, practically one of a kind in this zany world. They show their feelings towards you in different ways, but the way they’ve grown attached to you and try to protect you show that you’re valued in their life.

[copperbadge]

Check your P.O. Box when you can!

Thanks for the nudge, Anon! I did manage to get to the post office yesterday. IDK if this is you or not (I did get the note with it, saying who it was from) and I'll be sharing the rest of the mail I got this weekend, but if this was you, congrats, everyone I've sent this photo to has lost their shit laughing:

[ID: A large metal tumbler held in my left hand; printed on the outside of the cup is an Excel spreadsheet with the Excel logo prominent, and overlaying the sheet is the large text in green reading "Freak in the Sheets". It is glorious.]

[herejusttosufferalong]

SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX. I'm gonna talk about SEX. Is that cool?

Here is my diversion from recent and I suspect impending drama. Let's keep it light for a moment.

A LOT of people are talking about the intimacy scenes and how real they feel. But no one actually talks about why that is specifically, apart from maybe saying they give each other certain looks and make sexy faces. Well, of course, I needed to get to the bottom of my curiosity and conduct some intensive research. With audio, without audio, with audio description, 0.5x speed, all the ways. I took one for the team and watched those scenes thoroughly.

Unfortunately, I can't remember the carriage scene. Such was my shock, I bit my lip and forgot to breath... and yeah, something about a slutty smirk, kissing moans, fingerling potatoes and not hearing cut? Do I have that right? No BS, that scene is just L&N straight up. No acting required. Please and thank you.

I dove in a bit deeper to the mirror scene. I actually thought there was a lot more acting involved, which ngl was kind of disappointing. I still watched but you know, I didn't pass out. But points for the whispered 'you alright', the hand directing of the peepee into required destination, and when Pen turned into N for a second with those squinty fucky eyes. Good job guys.

There was one specific part I found uncomfortably realistic, though. I'm not sure if it was scripted or directed/discussed or yet again involved some 'artistic licence' these two like to serve up to us greedy diners. Things start ramping up on that chaise lounge, Pen is moaning, Colin is serving up hotdogs, and then something interesting happens. Colin stops looking at Pen's face and starts looking to the sides, his arm, Pen's arm, his arm again? At the time, I was like er wtf? Is he checking himself out or...? Shouldn't he be fully locked into Pen's face and eyes? I'd imagine that's how it would be 'choreographed' period drama style. Then it struck me... yooooo guys look away to delay things, like when things start getting a bit too much, too hot and heavy and such and the lady isn't quite ready yet. Taking a beat. Taking a breather. Start thinking about groceries or excel spreadsheets or some such. Maybe those squinty eyes where getting a bit much for ol' Col'... or L? I dunno, just a random thought. I also don't remember much from the riding scene, I choked on my own saliva with that one. But something about Pen and Col' serving lips, chest raking, and tongue tongue tongue sweet jaysus tongue. Yep, good for you guys matching each others freak with a live audience. How was that? Did that divert our attention for a bit? HOPE SO.

I feel like this needs to be quoted daily

[bisexualastronaut]

buck and eddie are both control freaks but they have different methodologies. to me, eddie makes spreadsheets and graphs (his youtube recommended is a mix of sports highlights, excel tutorials and random videos buck sends him) while buck is (canonically) a list guy (he gets through about five notepads a month). also eddie is intensely private about his tedencies (his folder of spreadsheets is password protected) whereas buck makes it everyone's problem (sometimes maddie comes home to find to-do lists written out for her and stuck on her fridge)

as people who are desperate to have control over their interpersonal relationships, their different methods are pretty clear too. eddie tends to control himself (repressing emotions, changing jobs etc) but buck's control issues tend to effect the people he cares about more directly (lawsuit, asking taylor to move in etc)

[transmasculineswag]

Transmasc Swag Polls- ROUND 1

Propaganda and other info under the cut.

CANONICITY LEVELS-

TETORA: Subtext/ Coded APOLLO: Subtext/ Coded

MEDIA?

Ensemble Stars, Ace Attorney TETORA PROPAGANDA- He always talks about being "manly" and mimics/emulates people he sees as masculine figures Tetora accidentally offends Arashi (canon transfem) by asking for tips on how to be masculine and she tells him to dress femininely to intentionally try and make fun of him cuz she was salty (They both apologized at the end) APOLLO PROPAGANDA- He's a defence who's idea of fun is probably like, paperwork. He soo desperately wishes he was normal but the narrative demands that he have the weirdest life known to humankind. He's been hit on by a famous boyband guitarist. He befriended his long-lost sister who he still doesn't know he's related too. He got his first boss convicted of murder on his first trial. He has a male cat named Mikeko who he calls his girlfriend he has a truth-seeing bracelet that's powered by his truth-seeing freak eyesight, he has so many issues and problems, he gets up to so many things and he is so [hand gesture] about all of them. he's kind of a dweeb. he wants to take things so seriously but everyone is inhibiting this. he probably does excel spreadsheets for fun in his spare time. he has a cat. my favorite transgender apollo moment is when he shows up on screen and starts saying things [Pollrunner's Note: In the running for the third most submitted character in the polls overall]

[ddarker-dreams]

My Ship In (Not) Five Minutes — HWR Edition

Height difference:

canonically, i make no allusions to HWR reader's height, but my personal headcanon is that she's 5'6. so that'd be a slight height difference since chrollo is 5'10.

Age difference:

chrollo is older than HWR reader by two years. they both hardly act their age though. they'd fit right in at the local senior center. it's especially bad in HWR reader's case... she's extremely out of touch with pop culture and the lingo that comes with it.

First to confess:

chrollo, although his confession is weird and kinda convoluted. it isn't really romantic. it's more of him professing his fascination with HWR reader, saying that getting to know her better has helped him understand himself. which, to someone like chrollo, is essentially the most intimate connection in the making. this is the most genuine he can really get, HWR reader would've doubted him if he was confessing his undying love or whatever. he may have been able to sway her into believing him at first, but eventually, she'd see through it and call his bluff. so his weird confession worked out for the better. she values authenticity and he recognizes he has no choice but to break through his countless façades if he's to have a chance with her.

First to apologize after a fight:

they really... don't have fights? neither of them are the types to give into passionate outbursts of feeling, they both approach things in a calm and rational manner. it's more like a cold war when they disagree on something serious. when the iciness thaws out, they both prefer to kinda move on without outright acknowledging it. there'll be some small, thoughtful gestures on both their parts as a way of making amends. chrollo would be the first to apologize, but this would irritate HWR reader, since he'd be doing it for the sake of it. chrollo knows this and wisely keeps his mouth shut LMAO.

The more popular/charismatic:

chrollo 😔 he oozes charisma. he knows how to read people and get himself in their good graces. HWR reader... simply doesn't care to do that. she can hold a conversation well but doesn't really pay much mind to the other person's feelings. this is why at high society events she keeps her mouth shut as much as possible. chrollo's tact is otherworldly, she swears it's a sixth sense he's developed. he once claimed to be an empath. she faked a cough to cover her laugh.

The best caregiver when the other is sick:

probably HWR reader for the sole sake of her dedication?? she saw her mother degrade physically over the years and it left an impression on her. she knows that what looks small at first can rapidly develop and spiral out of control. she'd hover around chrollo, monitoring him like a hawk. would take his vitals every hour and log them dutifully. make an excel spreadsheet of them when he's asleep. fortunately, both their immune systems are pretty impenetrable due to their body body's unique constitution. there are some health complications relating to corruption, a side effect of the unique blood HWR reader has, but she keeps that under tight surveillance.

Does the cooking:

chrollo learned early on that HWR reader's cooking is... well-intentioned, if not inedible. she went most of her life without cooking, her meals were always made for her by her teacher's specifications. consequently, she looks at cooking as an experiment and wants to see what would happen if she put every spice in the spice cabinet in pasta or whatever. chrollo, being the excellent leader that he is, recognizes her enthusiasm and doesn't dare trample on it. he just redirects her energy elsewhere. he handles the stovetop and lets her do the prep work. the woman can cut fruits and veggies like a machine.

Does the housework:

oh boy. HWR reader 100%. she is a neat freak. chrollo pitches in and cleans up after himself, but HWR reader is the one who goes crazy deep cleaning the entire apartment once a week. she just likes things being nice and orderly. she gave him a cold stare when he didn't take his shoes off when walking into the apartment once. by estella's sisterly advice, HWR reader got rid of her black light when chrollo moved in. estella rightly guessed that this would be 'a touch on the excessive side, dearest.'

Does most of the speaking:

it's somewhat equal, but leaning more toward chrollo, especially in the beginning. he had to pry her out of her shell. she mostly gave short, very polite responses to his questions. he had to do some poking and prodding to figure out what conversations get the most out of her. fortunately for him, he's a fast learner. unfortunately for him, HWR reader (correctly) assumed he wanted something and would've preferred he just come out with it. this mild ire couldn't last long, he's too pleasant a conversationalist. he makes it look like an art.

nowadays, they both speak the same amount. they'll either be silent for hours while going about their own business, or staying up until 3 am debating if albert calmus' the plague was literal or metaphorical. big nerds.

The overprotective one:

hmmmmm chrollo wins this one by a few points. they're both confident in each other's abilities to take care of themselves. honestly, they both kinda like watching one another fight. they think it's hot to watch their partner absolutely decimate another human being. that being said, chrollo tends to pick up on things far more than HWR reader when it comes to social interactions. someone could give her their phone number and she'd just think to herself, 'oh, that's strange.' chrollo recognizes this quality of hers and while he finds it endearing, he's a deeply possessive man. such is the nature of a thief. he'll give the most chilling expressions to anyone eyeing or talking her up. it's one of the few times he allows his bloodlust to seep out. naturally, HWR reader notices this and goes ??? at him, but he just smiles and waves it off.

Designated driver:

chrollo. it's a weird man thing. the first time they ever walked to a car together, he just went straight for the driver's seat without thinking about it. she doesn't have a preference either way. much to chrollo's surprise, HWR reader actually favors motorcycles. she reasons that they get her places faster. chrollo thought this was a quaint platitude until he rode with her on one once. she almost broke the speedometer.

Has good penmanship:

they both have good handwriting, but chrollo's is slightly better. HWR reader writes faster and in cursive. chrollo writes in cursive as well, but he takes his time with it, writing almost like a calligrapher. he can falsify other's handwriting and signatures perfectly too. he also prefers classic stationary, the man unironically writes with an ink and quill. good god. HWR reader is kind of a snob as well. she prefers fountain pens and looks down upon ballpoint pens.

Has more experience with relationships:

neither of them have been in a serious committed relationship before, but chrollo still has more experience. he's done his fair share of schmoozing to intrude circles he intended to rob blind. HWR reader had a girlfriend for a time (karina), an experience that was more like a wild rollercoaster ride than anything else. so this is all very new to her. she doesn't have a solid point of reference.

Sensitive to subtle changes in partner:

chrollo by far. HWR reader finds it mildly disconcerting how well this man can read her. he knows her body language, tone of voice, even the normal state of her aura. he can tell when something's bothering her before she even realizes it. he has enough knowledge to write a dissertation on her honestly.

The one who proposes:

chrollo, in more of a musing, since he asks her all sorts of curious questions. it'd be something like, 'would you ever consider marrying me?' and she'd just go silent for a few seconds... then say yes, she would. neither of them place much importance on the institution of marriage, it just seems kinda nice. they could equally do with or without it.

The one who dies protecting the other:

they'd both die for one another without hesitation, but in all likelihood, it'd be HWR reader :(( it suits her narratively. however, i could never bring myself to write it . they need to be alive and menaces to society together.

Handling conflict:

they're both so stubborn and opinionated without realizing it 😭 surprisingly, this doesn't lead to much tension since it takes a lot to seriously rile them up, but when conflict does arise... it's so icy between them. there's no yelling or gesticulating, just Stares and some dry words. chrollo can occasionally come off as very condescending and she would not take sit there and take it. cursed vibes in the apartment. enough to make plants wilt. this happens infrequently, though.

Relationship attitude:

complete dedication. neither of them is interested in anything casual. HWR reader is viciously loyal to the few people she cares about and chrollo's something of a hopeless romantic. in the beginning, they were both feeling things out, mostly curious to see where it'd go. as they learned more about each other and themselves as a result, their attachment grows to the point they're inseparable. they feel like they complete one another, in a way. they have enough in common and enough that sets them apart to never be bored.

Showing affection:

this does not come easy to HWR reader. she improves with time, but at first, she isn't sure how to express her feelings. the are some urges on her part but she isn't certain if it's proper to act on them. chrollo can tell she's holding herself back, and although he might tease her on the occasion, he's good at gently encouraging her to do as she pleases. chrollo loves classic displays of romance. bouquets of roses, handwritten notes, gourmet chocolates, the works. she likes it more than she cares to admit. he's the most outwardly physically affectionate between the two, often putting a hand on her thigh, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, kissing her hand... he treats HWR reader well. she secretly really likes holding hands but is too shy to admit it. chrollo 100% notices this and reaches for her hand to spare her the embarrassment.

Dealing with jealousy:

HWR reader rarely gets jealous whereas chrollo is slightly more inclined to do so. it's not so much that he doesn't trust HWR reader, but that he's deeply possessive and doesn't appreciate people encroaching on his woman. like he worked hard for this. go away. they're both attractive people, so they inevitably earn attention, yet there's just no competition to be had. how do you one up chrollo lucilfer or miss avalor. you just can't. if someone is shooting their shot with HWR reader, chrollo slides on in, wearing the fakest smile, pulling her close to him by her waist. he radiates this Energy that silently communicates the interloper should scamper off if they know what's best for them.

Attachment:

they're very attached without having to come outright and say it. they travel together, cook meals together (with chrollo supervising so no one gets food poisoning), hell, they'll even grocery shop together. they just like being in each other's orbit. it's nice. one would think they'd get tired of each other, but since they're both introverts, they naturally go into their own headspace if they ever need time to themselves. some days they'll quietly coexist and on others they won't shut up about determinism or whatever.

[thelittlestspider]

matt and peter being silly horny (deranged) in the future of the bdsm series

cw: brief feet stuff, matt's neat freak tendencies, oral sex mention, matt being feral about peter playing chess.

taglist: @hiitspath. @cassettetapecryptid.

Peter licks a stripe up the sole, then sucks one of Matt's toes into his mouth. Matt gasps in betrayal, trying to jerk his foot out of Peter's grip to no avail. He flails.

Matt points at him. "You're a feet guy!"

"Your foot's a part of you, therefore I'm a fan of it. If that makes me a feet guy, then I'm guilty."

The feeling of Peter licking his foot makes him squirm. It isn't sexy, just strange. And Peter's spit makes his foot feel cold in the air.

"Stop, it's gross."

"Matt, you literally just took a shower, and I know this floor is spotless because you're a neat freak."

Matt gasps in betrayal.

"I am not!"

So maybe he likes cleaning and organizing. Maybe he likes everything in its proper place. That's not a crime.

Apparently Peter disagrees.

"Matt, you literally have a spreadsheet with every kink we've tried in alphabetical order, with the date and time we did it. With notes."

Matt crosses his arms and harrumphs like the grumpy old man he feels like inside.

"But luckily," Peter says. "I'm into your high maintenance, neat freak ways. In fact, I find them extremely cute and sexy. Just the sight of excel gives me a boner."

There is something wrong with Peter. But there is also something wrong with Matt, too. The other day Matt got hard listening to Peter read Wikipedia articles to him. Then came while blowing Peter. While still being read the articles.

This is to say nothing of how insane, black out horny he becomes after listening to how intense Peter is during his weekly chess game with Miguel at the park. They hadn't even made it to the bedroom. Just fucked like frenzied animals in the living room, destroying Matt's coffee table and making it look like it had been hit by a hurricane.

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol 4

Hi lovely followers! Here are all the fics I read this week with my attached notes!

As always, you can find the full spreadsheet here! This week I decided to keep my new fics separate from the list AND I added some fics from before I started doing the digest (these won't have notes because I didn't used to do that lol).

Remember to check warnings on all fics before proceeding! I read a wide range of ratings...

Begging a Dieter one shot by @absurdthirst

-> Subby Dieter is my favorite thing on the planet and this is just... so fucking good. The whimpering and whining and absurd bargaining? Gimme gimme.

KitKat in the Minibar a Dieter one shot by @sneetsnootyoit

-> Dieter eating pussy in various situations inspired by an ask I did for someone else!! It's so cool that someone saw an ask I did before I started writing and turned in into a fic.

Watch you watch him f*ck his wife a Javi G one shot by @toxicanonymity

-> What if Nicholas Cage actually watched you fuck Javi G? Why am i into this? Why is Nick into this? What is wrong with us collectively as a species? brb reading again

Left in Lincoln a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

-> I usually don't go for super innocent or virgin reader fics because I uh... cannot relate. But I am really really into Joel in this. I want him to teach me everything. Also Bill and Frank being your dads is so fun

The Things We Do For Love a Frankie one shot by @beskarberry

-> I am aggressively not a breeding kink girlie and can occasionally get a little freaked out by fics that discuss pregnancy.... BUT!!! Someone sent this to me and I saw that it was supposed to be a realistic and funny fic. Perfect for Frankie and I love funny sex... and I adored this. I kind of scrolled past or ignored all the baby talk, but the actual sex reminded me of ya know... actual sex. So breeding kink girlies this one's for you!

Cherry Flavoured a Dieter one shot by @pedrito-friskito

AH my favorite kind of Dieter! Pathetic druggie asshole. I wish I was kidding, I am so down bad for him. This would make an excellent series...

Satellite a Javi P one shot by @jksprincess10

-> You try not to fuck your boss Javi Peña and like obviously you fail at that. And it's really hot

Dressed For Revenge a Joel series by @jksprincess10

-> Listen I happen to know this fic is going to blow your fucking mind. So read the prologue + first chapter, follow, turn on post notifs, and wait to be obliterated.

A kiss before dying and in death we combine a Joel one shot by @oonajaeadira

-> Stumbled across this because someone reblogged it gushing and then obviously I reblogged it gushing. Major Character Death warning but if you're going to read a fic where it happens, this is the one. I sobbed in my bed at 3 am and it was WORTH IT

Good. Things. Take. Time. a Pedro ATS series by @oonajaeadira

-> A mutual sent this to me because they know I love Adira's work. I haven't even seen Calls, had to google what Pedro Across the Street was, etc. But as far as I know this is an AU? Idk it doesn't matter. I love a smut marathon. A smut marathon with a beautiful story arc and the smut never gets boring even though it's over 20 parts? sign me up.

Chest Press a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

-> Dark!Joel/personal trainer!Joel getting a little too handsy at the gym. You pretend you aren't into it but like... who are we kidding it's Joel Miller. You're into it. And he can tell.

Night Shift a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

-> Based on Nightshift by Lucy Dacus (of boygenius). This is so good. Sadness/Angst/Heartbreak for like a couple thousand words but you're rewarded with smut... and we all know I love angst anyway lmao

Tommy's Hard Day a Joel/Tommy one shot by @toxicanonymity

-> Tommy had a hard day, so Joel asks you to help him feel better... Let's take a trip to Paris babies

Red Lace a Javi P one shot by @jksprincess10

-> This is hitting on so many of my fantasies rn... we got bondage, thigh riding, office sex, dirty talk... and more. Kill me I could die happy

------- Fics that I read a while ago -------

All our candles are burned out a Dieter/Frankie one shot by @psychedelic-ink

The Ethics of Forging Masterpieces an Ezra one shot by @write-and-buried

Good Soldier a Frankie one shot by @mishasminion360

Reflective a Max Phillips one shot by @prolix-yuy

Palomino a Jack series by @fuckyeahdindjarin

Spent a Din one shot by @joelscruff

-------- My New Fics ---------

Burn Slowly / I Love You - a smutty and angsty Frankie (abandoned) series

Perfecta, mi amor - soft dom!Javi one shot

Thunder Buddies - a fluffy joel one shot

Anything for you, babe - a smutty Frankie one shot

[busaikuknee]

a quick look back at may 2024

i got started on this early for once. character development, i suppose.

general overview and numbers

i watched 90 matches in may, 65 of which took place this month. this is…a lot more than i expected to, frankly! my sleep schedule has been kind of grim, so i ended up watching more shows live than usual. i might be sleepy, but at least i've been sports entertained.

nothing super notable to report on, though i have been backwatching quite a bit of dragongate this month. dead or alive got me bad. there's something about those cage matches, man.

most appearances throughout the month

hayata's in first place for both "matches that took place this month" and "matches i watched this month," so, fuck, i guess hayata's the Spreadsheet Champ of the Month. i wouldn't have guessed it; i feel like i've barely seen him this may, what with my Bad At Watching Tournaments disease striking halfway through best of the super juniors. i'll...catch up eventually, probably.

mumbling about matches

great sakuya and nagisa nozaki vs miyuki takase and nanashi (noah, april 1st)

starting off with one not from this month! i made a mental note to include it in last month's writeup, but realized that i left it off of the post proper right after i sent it out. unfortunate, but it's my self-indulgent summary post and i can break my "only talk about matches that happened this month" rule whenever i want, so it's making it onto this one.

anyway! short but very fun match. a blend of goofy hijinks and doing-moves wrestling that appealed to me greatly. the normal wrestler-spooky wrestler tag dynamics? the slasher movie sequence? excellent, wonderful, loved it. i've come to really enjoy nagisa nozaki, i should seek out more of her matches when i have the time.

kzy vs jason lee vs hyo vs shun skywalker vs jacky "funky" kamei (dragongate, may 5th)

i can count the number of times i've cried at something fictional on one hand. this isn't a good or bad thing, i just don't think i engage with media in a way that provokes that kind of response.

that being said, this match got me really, really close to crying. the power of love and friendship is real, maybe.

takashi sugiura vs masa kitamiya (noah, may 4th)

i'm reluctant to use this wording as i feel it sets expectations too high, but sugiura and masa had kind of a perfect ten-minute match? solid pacing, did everything it needed to, made both performers look stellar. masa rules and i just want him to have nice things. unfortunately, i also don't want him to experience head trauma, and that was not a wish granted here. my love for the single-trickle-of-blood-running-down-forehead visual is constantly at war with my feelings about shoot headbutts.

shoko nakajima vs miu watanabe (tjpw, may 5th)

i’ve been putting together a playlist of some personal highlights of 2024 wrestling to show some friends, and i am going to shuffle shit around as much as possible to make sure that this gets in there. “technical freak vs person who’s strong enough to just pick them up if they go for a hold” is a combo that always appeals to me, and since nakajima and watanabe are both excellent wrestlers, i was constantly delighted throughout the runtime. good, good stuff. while i might not cry often, i’m very soft-hearted, so the hug at the end made me Feel.

i find that it often takes a couple of matches for me to fully click with a wrestler, and i think this was the match that made me click with shoko nakajima. shokopilled bigkaijumaxxing.

kosei fujita vs el desperado (njpw, may 13th)

imagine a flame text gif reading “FUJITA ROCKS.��� now imagine another, slightly different flame text gif reading “DESPERADO ALSO ROCKS BUT I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT BY NOW.” thank you for your time.

jun akiyama vs atsushi kotoge (noah, may 29th)

my exact spreadsheet notes were "still thinking about this. what a fucking match. why were they in love here."

onward to june! while there isn't a lot that i'm super invested in storyline-wise at the moment (barring minoura and yamato's whole deal), i am looking forward to a couple of the events scheduled for this upcoming month. despe invitacional save me. save me despe invitacional.

if there was something you particularly enjoyed this may, do feel free to share! see you next month!

[igotanidea]

Sleep paralysis demon : dark!Morpheus x f!reader

Request from the prompt list : How about 139-142 of your prompt list with Dream of the Endless and Reader, please

139: This place gives me creeps, 140: I swear my house is haunted

141: Did you hear that? 142: It’s just your imagination

warning: this ain't no fluff :D :D and it's a bit short, since I'm lacking time lately

During my relatively not-so-long life I’ve read a lot of stories, myths and legends. I guess that was why my imagination and creativity was something I valued most about myself. I used to daydream a lot and create hypothetical situations in my mind. Those always seemed nicer and better than mundane, day-to-day life. It always started with a single though “How crazy would it be if …..”  and then just went on and on, sometimes influencing my sleeping hours. Sometimes I woke up remembering exactly what I was dreaming about, some other I had no time to dwell on it, consumed by all the duties and things to do, wishing it was all more colorful. Let me add the fact that November aura was not really helpful with keeping good, dreamy attitude. Or maybe it was quite the opposite since for the last couple days I felt like I could sleep all the time. Almost like some Disney princess….. Ugh! I truly hated the thought that I would be so helpless and lifeless. I was rather a fighting, fierce type.

During one particularly boring Monday, dealing with all the paperwork and excel spreadsheets a sudden idea came into my mind. Lucid dreaming. I’ve heard about it before, but never really tried it. Could a person really learn how to do it, safely? I would not like to risk sleepwalking and doing something crazy and/or dangerous like walking (or rather falling from) the rooftop or calling someone in the middle of the night, spilling my most shameful, dark secrets. I did not know that, but it was my best intend to try it. I checked some information on the Internet and even tried to trick one of my friends, who was a doctor into helping me understand this procedure. For research purpose and out-of-curiosity of course. My best excuse was that I was writing an article about it and needed some professional advice on which angle approach it. I also might have mentioned something about dealing with nightmares and my inability to sleep, since allegedly lucid dreaming was quite a cure for it. He was suspicious at first, but finally gave up and told me what I came from.

When the darkness fell (and may I remind you it was November so the sun was setting at like 4 p.m) I started getting ready, airing my bedroom, setting the alarm clock on particular hours which were supposed to keep me in the right state, putting on my sleeping mask and chanting some suggestive mantras. After what seemed like an eternity I got a bit frustrated. Why was it not working? How long have I been laying like this? An hour, two? Fifteen minutes. Fifteen freaking minutes and I was already going crazy. “Maybe this was stupid idea after all” I though kicking the blanket and getting up ready to make myself some herbal tea instead. This was actually proven to be working and if not, at least it will calm my nerves.

The moment I put my feet on the ground something felt terribly, terribly wrong and I could not figure out why. I was still in my apartment, familiar and safe place I designed and decorated by myself. I knew like the back of my hand and therefore it should not feel so… cold. And dark. My own place gave me creeps and I could not help shuddering. Cold sweat run down my spine as I grabbed something for protection and slowly, carefully descended the steps acting paranoid and looking out for any threats or a mere signal of danger. My vocal cords were ready to scream my lungs out for help if the need arose.

“Who is there?” I asked, but it came more of a whisper. Right, I was only so scary in my own mind while in reality, standing in the middle of the stairs with back plastered to the wall and being dressed in pajama with cartoon characters wouldn’t scare a five year old. Another step, two, three and I was in the kitchen. If anything at least I had some knifes there. AH! Maybe they would be of use faster then I remember. I swear I saw a shadow on the wall. I could not even comprehend and recognize the shape, but it faintly reminded me of the raven. The Death’s bird  a terrifying voice whispered in my mind. I swear my house is haunted! I laid down in normal world and woke up in the out-of-horror-movie one ….. Wait, woke up? Did I…..?

“Oh, fuck!” the curse came out of my mind involuntarily and I immediately covered my mouth, dropping the knife in the process and causing even more noise. “Fuck!” my little experiment worked, just not really in the way I wanted it to. Ok, breathe, breathe, if it’s just a dream nothing wrong can happen to you, right? RIGHT? But what if Freddy Krueger or Jack Torrance came out of the corner? What if chucky or Pennywise will come to life? God! My mind was not playing tricks on me, projecting all the horror movies I knew. What’s next? A lighting for an effect? A wind? Some other supernatural phenomena? And speaking of supernatural maybe Winchesters brothers will come to the rescue? I wouldn’t mind a bit of Dean’s help and …. “oh, just shut up, shut up!” I hissed at my restless brain which I started to hate at the moment. Panting, wet with fear, scared to move I was just standing in place, my eyes scanning the whole place frantically. Suddenly the sound of the creeping floor came from my right side.

“Did you hear that?” that little voice inside my head came back to life again and I was now shuddering uncontrollably, almost sobbing and putting all my effort not to sob and whimper. “It’s coming for you….. You’re punishment. You have been a bad, bad girl…..” all the demons dominated my mind and I fell to the floor being a mess of a person, fully aware I had no place to run and completely unaware who was he. Well, I was about to find it out soon as the room became even darker, if that was even possible but when you are scared you exaggerate everything. Fear is not rational. Then the air became freezing to the point where I saw cold steam coming from my mouth and my hands and feet became instantly cold. I was about to die out of fear or out of cold, didn’t know which option was worse. I closed my eyes frantically repeating that this was just a dream, just a dream, nothing more. Well, I did not know that back at the moment, but I was just so, so right about this one.

Sadly, holding my  knees close to the chest, embracing myself and shutting eyes did not make me invisible which I was assured of, as sudden cawing came from above my head and talons painfully scratched my head. Not to the bleeding point but leaving marks there and most likely ripping some of the hair.

“Please, please, go away….” I sobbed with shaking voice.

“Open your eyes.” Deep, dark, soft voice said with the tone warning me not to object this command but I just could not listen, shaking my head, shutting eyes even more.

“Open them or I’ll make you.” the voice became darker and the temperature fell a few more degrees so I listened….. automatically regretting that. This time I could not hold the scream rising in me at the sight of a pair of two, yellowy glowing eyes in front of me. A devil came for me. And if not a devil then certainly a demon. Bare handed, dressed in black coat, almost confluent with the surroundings. I could not clearly see the features of this being but messy hair and fearful expression was shown for a second as the light came on his face. That was clearly a man, but demons are known for their shapeshifting abilities. And the raven, the messenger of death. It all would make sense.

“Please don’t hurt me” I begged on my knees “I did nothing wrong.”

“didn’t you? Didn’t you try to lucid dream?”

“Yes, but….” I whimpered

“Didn’t you try to mess with the natural order of things?” this creature cold gaze was fixed on me and it was extremely uncomfortable, making me feel guily

“I did not mean to….” I tried again and once more was cut out

“Didn’t you try to enter my realm without permission?” he raised and walked towards me, eyes throwing daggers and glistening in the darkness. “Didn’t you get another dreamers involved in your scheming? Didn’t you try to get power of dreams for yourself?”

“I…. I…..” he lift me up from the floor with tight grip that would definitely left bruised and if I thought I was scared before than I did not know the meaning of the word.  

“ You shall be punished.”

“Please, I was just trying to….”

“Silence! You deserve nightmares and darkness and void for trying to circumvent the rules I oversee. No reason or inducement is an excuse for such action. I shall condemn you.”

“Please, please, I beg you. I won’t ever do this again!” I cried because of fear and pain combined “I was just trying to escape my boring life, that’s all. Never planned to disobey or go against you… Please, please, let me go…..”

“You shall remember well not to interfere with my affairs in the future, rogue dreamer. Keep it in your mind or I shall come for you and I won’t be so lenient. For now, this dream is over” he spoke coldly and disappeared in the cloud of something that reminded sand.

And that was when I woke up, screaming and springing from the bed, frantically touching every part of my body to make sure nothing happened to me and I was unharmed. Shit!

“It was just your imagination.” I told myself trying to calm the breathing and rapidly beating heart. “No more experiments with sleeping. Just imagination……”

But if truly was a dream why was there a scar on my forehead at the hairline, barely visible,  looking like a mark from a claw of a bird?

 @pinksirensong @somest1

[capaldiera]

okay very funny actually that of all ds9 episodes it's statistical probabilities i pause to freak out over errors in my. excel spreadsheet of how many times i've seen each star trek episode

[gumy-shark]

thought abt that one post like “ritsu and teru would run a boba shop like the navy” and the other post like “ritsu and shou use excel spreadsheets to plan out their meetups” (or however it went) and also a fic i read and all of these mixed together in my mind to create the idea of wedding planner ritsu. his natural state is one of stress and he can exercise his control freak tendencies in a healthy manner

[jetaiimee]

open to. f - greg is out of office and your muse (gf, fling, fwb, etc) keeps nagging about him not spending enough time with her. He's your typical finance bro, man in the streets // freak in the excel spreadsheets. ++ bonus points for someone that calls him out on his bullshit.

"Will you shut the fuck up, please?! It's my day off and I really couldn't care less.." the blonde inhaled and blew the smoke out between his lips, staring up at the roof. His head was pounding after partying too hard last night, he barely had any energy left, giving her a lazy round of fucking before passing out last night. Okay, so maybe he wasn't treating her like the princess she was, but he was no prince either. "Are you just going to stand there, or are you actually planning on joining me?".

[ahedderick]

I was put on this earth to pick fruit, do creative stuff, and interact with animals. It is a freaking crime that I am sitting here trying to figure out how the HELL to use Beer's Law when the lab procedure manual does not give the "molar absorptivity" of the solutions nor the "length of light path" for the damned spectrophotometer.

Also why does a 200-level chem lab require four hours of post-lab calculations, excell spreadsheets, and write-ups? Jesus Christ.