#frankenstein and the creation should kiss and be gay

[britneyshakespeare]

this afternoon i saw the closing show of nick dear's frankenstein at the seacoast repertory theatre in portsmouth nh and i had a glass of wine at intermission and being the rarely-drinks lightweight i am i definitely had a different.... attitude, towards the second half of the show. obviously. but i wasn't like that far gone that i wasn't paying attention or anything. and i don't think a lot about frankenstein all the time; i've read it twice (ten years ago in school and then reread it about five years ago). it's like not my favorite but i like it; it's just more of a philosophical novel than a oh-i-love-the-plot-and-characters sort of thing in my opinion. doesn't really matter that's just my two cents. i certainly have thoughts on the way it was adapted for the stage bc nick dear made some creative choices that i wouldn't have, but obviously that's all well and good.

but when the show ended and my wine was chugged and the lights went up i sat there in between my two friends for a second and we exchanged words i just said: "everyone always argues about who the 'real' monster in the story is, but victor frankenstein and the creation... belong together" and this lady walking in the aisle beside us said "i thought the same thing too." she's right too and i'm glad we're both right

[eolewyn1010]

Dragging Frankenstein - Chapter 5

And here we are, the point where the actual conflict gets kicked off! Victor plays God in creating Adam, fails at it because his morals and motivations are more in line with Lucifer, and then fucks off because consequences are lame. Considering that this is the chapter the entire tragedy is based on, it's remarkably concise.

I don’t really get how Victor only notices upon animating the Creature that he’s not as pretty as Victor wanted him. The eye color can hardly be a shock? Victor was the one who collected the parts.

Also, his immense (overreacting) frustration and whininess at his newly-built man not being beautiful gets DAS GAY: 14

And because he was so disappointed with his new living plaything not being pretty enough due to his own fault, “I rushed out of the room”, because IT’S ALL ABOUT ME: 5

Victor sucks as a science dad, one of his plenty human failures.

Apparently, not getting to fuck smooch admire his creation causes him that weird dream where he kisses Elizabeth and she turns into the corpse of his mother. Dr. Freud? INCEST VIBES: 5

Does Victor even grasp that the Creature is trying to talk to him? Like, he must know that if he made a theoretically fully-functional human, that would potentially have a consciousness? Well, I guess running away avoids that problem handily.

Also, he keeps acting as if it wasn’t HIS fault that the Creature is ugly! He made him! The Creature did not decide to look the way he looks! ARGH!

Henry just appearing there the very next day sure is convenient, but whatever, at least it snaps Victor back into the knowledge that other people than him, y’know, exist. I wanna give Henry a lil’ kiss for calling Victor out on being a self-absorbed brat. Also, hand-holding and delight. DAS GAY: 15

“I feared still more that Henry should see him” – then… maybe warn him? Don’t have to go into details, just tell him your last one-night-stand is still in your bedroom, and he’s really not a catch.

I’m so baffled that Victor thinks if he just ignores the Creature, it won’t do anything in the history of ever. Like, that guy is ALIVE. And something like a HUMAN. And HUGE. And all alone and confused. How can Victor think he can just toss him away like a toy and expect there to be no actions on part of the Creature?

And… he does what he does best, being a hysterical brat and having others take care of him. Bless Henry’s heart. How long is Victor’s breakdown there, like half a year?? Yeesh.

“You will repay me entirely if you do not discompose yourself” – oh, Henry, sweetheart, believe me, he’d do all the world a favor by decomposing.

“Dear friends whom I love and who are so deserving of my love” – which is why you haven’t talked or written to them in like three years.

[ohnothewheatisonfire]

ok J&H Fandom, let’s talk:

“Popular” blog @thatsmyhyde​ is a prominent creator in the J&H Fandom. But here’s where the problem shows up: 

the content they make is concerning at least, and full of red flags at worst. 

DISCLAIMER: This is all information I have gathered through their tumblr blog - I am not aware of what other things they may be posting on other social medias or their written work.  ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Please be polite, I am a minor, and am just creating this post to ward off / warn other minors from following this person. If you are an adult interacting with this post and blog, be mindful of your actions and be responsible

Trigger warnings for: discussions of homophobia, discussions of p//phillia, fat-shaming, fat-phobia (?), etc. Just be on general edge for this post, we’re talking about a lot of weird stuff

I will be linking their posts as I am not going to take screenshots of their art.

This is not a comprehensive list of all the things they’ve done - these are the ones I could think of and was able to adress. If you have anything additional you want to add to this post (such as concerning things they may do on other social media), feel free to reblog and add on the things you need to say, just please don’t be dumb. 

Let’s start with the premise: Henry Jekyll creates an alter ego, Edward Hyde. They begin a relationship - an emotional and physical one. Their AU features Jekyde (A popular ship in the fandom, the name stands for Jekyll x Hyde), people have various views on this ship. 

So far so fine, right? Here are the problems:

1. Their Henry Jekyll is an awful person. Now, let’s start by saying that of course you can have bad people in your works, those are, after-all: villains. The problem is,Henry Jekyll is a harmful walking gay sterotype, and an outlet for Biscuit’s obvious fat fetish. But their relationship isn’t just toxic it’s romanticised in how toxic it is.

a. The harmful stereotype - Their Henry Jekyll has a “thing” for younger men, even though he is in his middle-ages, and Hyde looks like a young child. (Age gap relationships are their own thing - they come with their own burdens, and this is not the post to discuss them. This topic will lead into the Edward  Hyde section of this post.) But, it was a known homophobic scare-mongering tactic of straight parents to accuse everyone who is gay that they are ‘out to prey on your youths’. This is a stereotype that stigmatized the LGBT community, and still harmfully affects them to this day. 

b. The fat fetish: Jekyll is frequently seen with cake (as seen here, here, and here)  or being self-loathing, to the point of suicide. (click the link here to acess a list of suicide and other crisis hotlines! you matter to me!). Now, the self-loathing could be a symptom of depression or other mental illness, so I am not going to talk about it, as a person with mental illnesses.  But the self-loathing in addition to him being fat is not good. Media is drowning in the “self-loathing fat person” and as someone who isn’t thin i’m tired of seeing this. 

- The fetish aspect comes in him constantly being referred to “Chonky”, a term usually used for overweight/obese cats and being drawn obsessed with cake. It fetishises his weight and dehumanises him into something people call their animals. Also, here’s more of Jekyll eating food and being embarassed by it, though this time because it’s seen as “servant’s food”. 

- Biscuit admits to liking them “Big and chunky” in posts like this. 

[Photo id: A string of texts that says: tantok, frankenstein, twink lore, dorian slipped through the cracks and got himself sketched by yours truly the other day because he brought lord henry along, he and the slime didn’t have to fight to the death because they’ve both got their own chonky old toxic henries to focus on, but this blog still ain’t big enough for the two of ‘em. end id]

- They also talk about how they ‘prefer’ to draw fat (chonky) people. Image attatched above. the thing that should be noticed is that they say ‘chonky old toxic henries’ . they, once again, are making fat people a fetish. 

[Photo id: Anonymous asks: are you gonna make a victor design tho biscuit responds: Oh, man, anon, I hate to disappoint but.....probably not. Aside from my non-humanoids and hellspwans (slime gremlins, corpse creatures, and etcetera), I’m extremely uninterested in drawing young thin men. I really need middle-aged chonk to hold my attention. If poor Victor Frankenstein had only been 40-something and round when he made his great creation, then he’d definitely get a design from yours truly. As it is though, he’s not holding my attention enough to want to. end id] 

Biscuit once again talks about how he doesn’t want to draw ‘thin men’, because he is only interested in older ‘round’ people. He, is, once again, bringing to light his fetish for fat people. 

2. Edward Hyde is basically a child - Edward Hyde is drawn in boy’s school clothes, is taken in and raised like a child after Jekyll’s death, and is constantly cooed over by the creator, even earning a nickname of ‘slime’ from them. In addition, he also has ‘family photos’ taken with Utterson, has his toenails kept, is the height of a child, and teeths. This, paired with the fact that he is in a toxic, abusive, relationship with a man in his middle ages is concerning and should not be romanticised. 

[Photo id: the text reads: In his first year of existence, Hyde lost teeth and regrew them in a mildly similar fashion to a kid losing baby teeth - except it wasn’t all of his teeth (Just the canines and some random molars) and they weren’t replaced with a larger set, just with teeth exactly the same as the ones that had been lost. No one knows what was up with this. the teeth are still in Jekyll’s study in a little jar. end id]

a. Hyde is treated like a child after Jekyll’s death. Hyde teething is concerning because that’s something infants do. He also clings to utterson like a child. The idea that he gets taken in by Utterson, whisked away to an estate out in the country, despite both of them having romantic feelings for Jekyll is. how do I put this: WEIRD. (seriously, imagine your father/father-figure dating ur significant other / having a crush on them before you two got together and after). 

b. Hyde dresses like a child, whilst being sexually active and wearing lingerie. Now, on their own, these traits aren’t a problem - but together? They are very much a problem.  

- Hyde dressing as a child is concerning because he is also treated like a child at certain points in their “lore”. After Jekyll’s death, Hyde becomes a singular entity, and is taken away by Utterson. To care for, like a child. This post sums it up well: he wears both children’s clothes and lingerie. 

- Hyde has a very strange appearance - if you compare it to his early design (which was less cartoony and looked more like a man in his twenties), Hyde’s current design is concerning. Why does he have the height of a child? Why does he have eyes that take up a grand part of his face? Now, one could argue that ‘he is not human’ - but if he is treated like a human, whilst wearing children’s/youthful clothes, teeths, and his general enchanment with the world - he appears as human (and looks eerily similar to a child), which is why him being sexually active, wearing lingerie, and being friendly with prostitutes (one that gave him underwear and other articles of clothing)  is concerning. 

- That said, Utterson is directly talked about being ‘adopted into gremlin fatherhood’ (paraphrasing). 

[Photo id: the text reads: 59. Jekyll is irresitibly attracted to everything about Hyde, but if he could somehow be forced to list hte most attractive physical attributes of Edward Hyde in his opinion, aside from Hyde’s youthful appearance in general it would be his eyes, his overbite (Jekyll perceived the way Hyde’s-) the screenshot cuts of the rest of the paragraph. end id] 

- Jekyll has a ‘thing’ for younger men. This is to the point that the most attractive part about Hyde is that he is young. (or looks like it), Hyde looking very young is concerning because that would make their verison of Doctor Jekyll a p*dophille . This is something the artist has either not recognized, realised, or simply does not acknowledge. 

3. The toxic relationship (and how it’s romanticised) - The relationship in this ‘AU’ is: love comes first, toxic nature comes second. If you scroll through the blog you may see some reference of ‘Henry Jekyll is such a toxic person teehee’ and a lot of them kissing, being together, smiling, or enjoying life. Now, obviously, an artist - if they do not want to - should not draw characters being toxic to each other. But it is concerning when the above points come into a factor, that the toxic nature of their relationship comes second to the highs of their relationship, at least on their blog. 

Here is one of the only examples I’ve seen of Biscuit talk about the relationship in a detailed negative light. 

4. The fandom - Whilst Biscuit says it’s ok for minors to interact with his blog (in that blog he says that he tags nsfw - which is true.) he does not regularly mention that his jekyde is toxic - not in a concerete way. He romanticises it (despite acknowledging it’s flaws), and the only way it may or may not be (i would not know) acknowledged is his fic: which is mature and not meant for minors. He does not tag his posts with regular triggers for things like: alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, or abuse (any variants). They’re not even in his blog’s description! If Biscuit had acknowledged it in his blog, something along the lines of: “Hey! This blog has <content warnings> be warned when interacting! But no, he does not. 

- A lot of the people who draw things, or generally interact with Biscuit are minors. Being exposed to such a thing may be harmful to my peers, and I am worried. To minors who are fans of Biscuit: if you’ve made it this far, thank you, I know you’re mature and responsible, but being exposed to content creators like Biscuit could lead you down a dangerous path of having this kind of thing normalised to you. Be careful with the content you consume, please! And thank you for making it this far, I’m sure you’re a lovely person :)!

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Stay safe, tell the people you love that you love them. 

[singofsolace]

Miranda Otto’s Filmography as seen through a specific lens

otherwise known as: I watched some of these things so you don’t have to. But more specifically, I want to share basic information about which of her films and tv series require trigger warnings. Honestly, I’ve never recovered from some of them (thinking about In Her Skin... but also Homeland... because what the actual fuck, Saul?)

This isn’t a complete list. It’s only 21 of over 60 credits Miranda has to her name, but I think these are probably some of her most famous roles. Please let me know what you think of these brief descriptions, and whether anything should be added or removed.

It should go without saying that there are spoilers below. Read at your own risk.

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina:  Zelda Spellman

A powerful role, but be aware Zelda is abused, raped (implied), and violently murdered (twice)

Downhill: Charlotte

I love this woman with all my heart, okay? Miranda Otto is supposed to be playing the most heterosexual woman ever, and instead manages to make every single scene gay as fuck.

The Silence: Kelly Andrews

Gets her leg mutilated (also it’s implied that she and Kiernan’s character would be made sex slaves by this random cult that shows up... which is super tasteful and not at all disgusting)

Annabelle: Creation: Esther Mullins

Face mutilated, eventually murdered (I think? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this one)

24: Legacy: Rebecca Ingram

Powerful woman kidnapped, tortured, and violently murdered

Homeland: Allison Carr

Powerful woman violently attacked by her former lover in full view of her coworkers. Riddled with bullets while she is curled in a trunk.

The Daughter: Charlotte

I’ve made a whole post about how I think Charlotte was raped by her employer, and that it therefore shouldn’t be framed as a sexy affair… but here we are.

I, Frankenstein: Leonore

Powerful woman kidnapped and used as a bargaining chip. I’ve also made a post about this one, and how Miranda Otto claims this part could have been played by a man, but the blatant sexism around the kidnap and ransom—making a woman who is the leader of warriors powerless to fight back against her attackers, and having her rescued in a way that frames her as a damsel in distress (complete with bridal carry)—makes me believe that Miss Otto doesn’t notice just how much sexism was written into the role.

Reaching for the Moon: Elizabeth Bishop

While as a whole, this movie is beautiful and wonderful and one of my all-time favorites, we need to still acknowledge that Lota and Elizabeth were in an incredibly toxic relationship—which I actually think is great representation, because abuse doesn’t just happen between a husband and a wife, or a boyfriend and a girlfriend, it can happen to anyone with any partner.

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries: Lydia Andrews

I unapologetically adore Miranda in this one. She is so convincing as the grieving widow that the plot twist caught me completely by surprise. This is perhaps the only role that I’ve seen Miranda play where a bad woman was brought to justice, but in a way that had absolutely nothing to do with her gender. Justice was neutral and exacted without prejudice, in this case.

In Her Skin: Mrs. Barber

This is one of the most upsetting and disturbing films I’ve ever seen. Miranda Otto is brilliant in it, but playing the role of a mother whose daughter went missing (and then was brutally murdered) definitely took its toll. I will never understand why the movie released an interview during which Miranda was clearly distraught. She breaks down into tears multiple times just trying to talk about this movie (which was a real-life murder case).

Cashmere Mafia (TV Series): Juliet Draper

Okay, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Juliet Draper. I would cherish her and dote on her for the rest of her life if she were my wife. But in the actual show, her husband is a serial cheater. When her friends find out about it, they don’t judge her broken marriage, but they do give her the courage she needs to leave him. They tell her she deserves more—and she does!! But in the final episode there is a pretty disturbing plot about a multi-millionaire who wants to buy not only her Hotel company but also her… which is exactly as bad as it sounds.

War of the Worlds: Mary Ann

Miranda Otto is heavily pregnant and glowing in a grand total of five minutes of this movie, but oh, what wonderful five minutes!!

The Lord of the Rings: Eowyn

This is the role for which Miranda is most famous. I have nothing bad to say about Eowyn, except that she ought to have been given more screen time, and that there shouldn’t have been that creepy plot about the King’s advisor or whoever wanting to have sex with her. It was incredibly unnecessary and frames Eowyn as a potential victim in the beginning, which was completely unnecessary in terms of character/plot development. 

Danny Deckchair: Glenda Lake

Glenda Lake is a precious cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure. Please for the love of Otto watch this film for baby Miranda in a sweet romantic comedy.

Julie Walking Home: Julie Makowsky

I don’t understand this film at all. It has one of the most absurd plots I’ve ever seen. Miranda’s husband/partner cheats on her and gets caught, and then he gets violent (in front of her children and multiple adult witnesses!!), and then their son gets cancer, and then she goes to Poland, and then a Healer tries to cure her son, and it works for a while, and eventually Julie (Miranda) has sex with the Healer, in order to teach him how to have sex? and then she gets pregnant by this man, and then her son’s cancer comes back, and then the Healer runs for the hills, and then her former partner takes her back so that they can all be a family again....?!?!?!?!

Human Nature: Gabrielle

This film made Miranda popular with a lot of creepy old men (okay maybe just Bruno Barreto based on this interview… (seriously I am so uncomfortable with the way he’s like… oh yes, I knew her from that film... and then later *places his hand on her bare knee/thigh* Lowell doesn’t give a shit about (Elizabeth/Miranda) being awkward! 

(the implication being that Lowell is only interested in getting Elizabeth into his bed...)

anyway… she plays a sexy French scientist, who isn’t actually French. There’s lots of lingerie, dancing, and kissing.

The Jack Bull (TV Movie) Cora Redding

Miranda Otto dies an incredibly violent death in period costume for no apparent reason besides generating male pain.

Dead Letter Office: Alice Walsh

Young!Miranda is so cute in this, but there’s a sort of ambiguously creepy older man-younger woman relationship… because Alice (Miranda) is looking for a father figure… and anyway I don’t remember this film well enough to comment more specifically, but I remember it being lovely except for the age difference between Alice and the guy in charge of the missing letters.

Doing Time for Patsy Cline: Patsy

I watched this purely for Miranda, and I do think it’s good, but only her part in it. Miranda plays the “busty bimbo with a heart” incredibly well. I remember being scared for her character, because her husband was a mean drunk/drug addict, but I don’t think any actual violence gets portrayed… but someone who has watched this more recently can correct me if I’m wrong.

Sex is a Four Letter Word

I only made it through half of this film before I turned it off. I wouldn’t watch it unless you’ve ingested/inhaled some substances and don’t mind people monologuing about their terrible sex experiences. 

...

Let me know if you’d like to know more about any of these films!

[crimesofadeadpool]

“Old Fanfic Snippets that are years old that I never got around to finishing” thread

Contains a Cherik, a few spideypools, including the beginning of a coffeeshop au, an MRT smutty start, and a Thor/Hulk smutty start inspired by the Avengers Assemble cartoon, I think idk guys it’s virgin!Thor and Hulk I got nothing for you. And the finally Wolverine/Spider-man because there was this ‘What If’ comic where Spidey goes all vigilante and I swear, one of the lines is “…Logan enjoyed watching [Peter] take the lead.” And it was so gay I swear, I couldn’t help myself. Anyway, if you want to read them, check the cut below. 

It started, as most thing did in the Xavier household, with a game of chess. Charles and Erik sat at opposing sides of the board.  They were in one of the numerous living rooms of Xavier’s mansion, spread out on the rug in front of the fireplace. Since it was too warm to have the fireplace going, Charles was mentally projecting the fire for them. Erik’s hand hesitated over a knight. “Not getting nervous, are we?” Charles teased. Erik shot him a look and moved the piece. Charles reviewed the board, idly scratching his head. “No powers,” Erik chided. “I wasn’t using my powers,” Charles retorted. “I had an itch.” Erik frowned and looked at the chess game. “Your move.” Charles shifted, lying flat on his stomach. “Patience,” he chided. Erik sighed and took a sip of wine. Charles took the opportunity to look at Erik. He was wearing that black top again, the one that clung to his chest. In fact, he was dressed totally in black, which the shadows of Charles’ imaginary fire only added to.

“You want me to what?” Peter had been many things in his life. Student, teacher, photographer, superhero, scientist. And now, apparently, a stripper. “Don’t be so dramatic,” MJ chided. “We just need a male model.” “To model lingerie.” MJ pouted. “We need a model, and you’ve got the best body of any guys I know.” “Flash, Harry-” Peter began rattling off. “No.” Peter switched his incredulous gaze to his aunt. “You can’t want me to do this.” May gave him a sympathetic look. “It’ll be fun.” “Fun,” he repeated. And here he thought Deadpool was the one supposed to provide the dirty innuendo in his life. These people were supposed to be normal. MJ grinned at him. “Come on Tiger. You know you’re going to say yes eventually. So let’s cut to the chase.” Peter sagged. “Fine.”

Peter leant against the counter, flipping through a biology book. He was technically on duty, but the coffee shop’s clients always dwindled after noon. He turned the page, then looked up as the bell attached to the door rang. A very handsome man walked in, with gorgeous eyes. Peter blushed. “Hi,” he said, automatically plastering a smile on his face. “What can I get you?” “Black coffee. No, wait, with milk. So white. Why are they called that? Black coffee’s actually brown, isn’t it, and white is like honey brown, depending on how much you put in. Actually while we’re on the topic, why is it called ‘straight’ coffee? Like does that mean when coffee has stuff in it, it’s gay? And if so, can we start calling that? Claim the sugar-filled coffee away from the homophobes? That would serve them right. Wait till their coffee addiction kicks in and they come crawling to us, begging for sugar and preaching equality.” He nodded to himself. “Also, I want honey, marshmallows, whole milk and six teaspoons of sugar. Oh and I’m Wade.” Peter blinked at him. “What?” The man pouted. “Coffee. Make.” Peter frowned. “So your order is…” “Coffee, milk, honey, marshmallows, six sugars.” He nodded. “Six.” Peter repeated. “And my name is Wade,” the man confirmed, nodding. “You’re cute,” he added. “What?” “I said you’re cute. You know, for a barrister.” Peter blinked twice, unsure how to respond. He moved to the other side of the counter and began making the drink. “You mean barista,” he said finally. “A barrister is a lawyer.” Wade stuck out his tongue. “Hey, I’m flirting with you. You’re supposed to compliment me back.” Peter looked him over. “Uh…” He spooned in the sugar and handed it over quickly. “Here’s your drink.” Wade stuck out his lower lip. “Thanks,” he said with a hint of sadness. He handed over the money. “Keep the change.” Then he walked out. Peter blinked twice. He looked down at the twenty dollar note. “Okay,” he said to himself.

~

MJ grinned at Peter and bumped her hip against him. “What’s wrong, Tiger?” Peter looked at her. “What do you mean?” He cast another look at the door as a new set of customers came in. “You’re expecting someone,” she accused as she moved to take their order. “I’m not,” he said after he had made their drinks, one black, one plain milk. She gave him a look. “Sure you’re not.” “I’m not.” It had been two days since Wade had come in. Peter wasn’t sure why, but he kept waiting for him to come back. He didn’t mean to. He hadn’t told anyone about the weird encounter yet, because he still wasn’t sure what, if anything, had happened. “Then stop checking out everyone who comes in,” MJ teased. “I’m not-” he sighed. “It’s nothing.” He began cleaning off the espresso machine. “Uh-huh,” MJ said doubtfully. The door chimed again. This time Peter refused to look up. Which turned out to be a mistake when the cheerful voice of Wade filtered through the café. Peter’s head darted up. Wade didn’t notice him, his gaze on MJ. “What can I get you?” she asked in a deep voice. Peter felt a stab of jealousy at MJ and her flirty personality. Of course she’d find him attractive too. Who wouldn’t? “Cinnamon Dolce Latte. With lots of sugar.” MJ raised an eyebrow. “Sugar,” she repeated. “Lots of it.” “Name?” “Wade,” Wade replied happily. From behind the bench, hidden from view, Peter blushed. Wade moved away from the counter to wait for his order. MJ handed Peter the note with his order, and then caught his eye. She folded her arms. “Tiger?” she demanded with a raised eyebrow. Peter looked away hurriedly. “Weird order, huh?” he said non-chalantly.

“Ooh, ice cream.” Wade said, slinging his arm over Peter’s shoulders and tried to redirect him towards the shop. Peter gave him an annoyed look. “No.” He pulled away and kept walking. Wade pulled a face. “But ice cream.” Peter didn’t respond, and Wade had to walk quickly to catch up. When he reached him, he hugged Peter from behind. “I’ll make it good for you,” he teased. Peter froze. A few things ran through his mind, ending with, “What does that even mean?” Wade let his hands wander. “This and that.” Peter scowled. “We’re in public.” He was flushed and pointedly ignoring the looks some passer-by’s were giving them. “Then let’s go to the ice cream shop, it’ll be more private.” He whispered the last word. Peter pushed him away. “You really have no idea how to be seductive, do you?” Wade grinned. “I was still good enough for you to recognise it as seduction,” he pointed out. “But you’re right, let’s discuss this. Over ice cream.” Peter closed his eyes. “Is there any way to get out of this?” “Nope!” He grabbed Peter’s hand and pulled him across the road. Peter sighed. The door chimed as they entered the shop. Wade pushed him into one of the little tables. Peter obediently sat down as Wade ordered. There was a mother sitting with her two children across the room. She cast the mask-less Wade a suspicious look, but smiled when Peter gave her an apologetic look. Peter tapped the table idly as the two kids fought over something. He was trying very hard to ignore Wade’s ordering, knowing it would be some monstrous sin of a creation. Frankenstein’s monster meets Ultimate Aggregor. Knowing Wade, it’d probably end up sculptured into a perfect replica of his ass. He sighed. “Something wrong Spidey?” Wade asked. Peter cast him a fearful glance. Then blinked. And blinked again. Wade was holding out an ice cream cone. A normal ice cream cone. Peter tentatively reached over, waiting for the punchline, but Wade handed it over without comment. He took the seat next to him and dropped a tub of ice cream onto the table. In his free hand was a matching cone. Peter blinked again. He opened his mouth and shut it. The scene was just so…so…normal. It was perfect. That was worrying. Wade gave him a concerned look. “You don’t like chocolate? I thought everyone liked chocolate.” “I prefer rainbow,” he blurted out, still a bit thrown. Wade looked upset. “I can get you one,” he replied quickly, making a move to stand up. “No!” Peter replied, grabbing his arm. “It’s fine. Great.” He nodded to the tub. “What’s that?” “For later,” Wade replied, still with a bit of a frown on his face. “I can get you rainbow flavoured.” “It’s fine. What do you mean later?” Wade shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to find out.” Peter gave him a suspicious look and licked at the ice cream. He smiled at Wade, who was rapt. “No fair,” Wade told him. “You should use that tongue for good, not evil.” Peter rolled his eyes.

Matt hummed and kissed a line down Peter’s neck. Wade made a pained noise. “Why can’t I join?” he whimpered from the arm chair opposite their couch. Peter glared at him as Matt’s hands tugged on the bottom of Peter’s shirt. “Because we’re punishing you,” Peter told him.   Matt sighed as he pulled the t-shirt off and folded it up gently to place on the coffee table. “I said no talking,” he chided Peter with a soft kiss. Peter smirked back. “Wade started it.” “If you’re not silent I’ll punish both of you,” Matt threatened with very little heat as he reached for Peter’s belt. There was a silence as Matt stripped the two of them off and folded their clothes onto the table. “Can’t I just-” “No,” Matt cut him off. His eyes were closed as he slid forward and ran his hands over Peter’s face. “This is unfair,” Wade mumbled, not taking his eyes off the scene. “Entrapment.” Matt kissed Peter softly, prompting a small moan from the other man. “Entrapment would suggest we secretly want you to join us so that we can punish you more.” “Well,” Wade said, “when you put it like that.”

Hulk rummaged through the fridge. “Food,” he moaned as he searched for the fifth time in the past ten minutes. From the counter, Thor pulled a face. “The constant lack of food is an abhorrent trait of this Tower.” Hulk grunted. Thor sighed and rested his head on his arms on the counter. “Food,” he moaned. He sighed and stretched. “Pizza soon,” Hulk reminded him. Twenty-five different types of pizza were on-route. All they had to do was wait.   “Yes,” Thor sighed and blew some hair out of his face. There was a silence. “Is this not the part where we indulge in the ‘small talk?’” Thor had been trying to come to terms with Midgardian social standards. Hulk gave him a grin. “What would Goldilocks want to talk about?” Thor ignored the slight. “What do you mortals usually talk about?” Hulk shrugged. He tried to remember the last time he ‘chatted’ about anything. “The weather?” Thor looked behind him to the window. “It is sunny.” Hulk followed his gaze and grunted. “That was not a satisfying conversation.” Thor commented. Hulk shrugged again. “If I may interrupt.” Jarvis chimed in. “Speak computer,” Thor allowed him. “I have devised a list of common ‘small-talk’ topics. For example, AllWomenStalk.com states that good topics include: How Your Day Has Been, Compliments, Something Interesting From The News, Work. SocialAnxietyDisorder.about.com lists: Weather, Sports, Family, Hometown. Shall I continue?” “No. Thank you, computer.” “You are welcome.” Hulk and Thor exchanged looks. “So…” Thor began. “However,” Jarvis continued, “I have also compiled a list of topics that Captain America and Sir often engage in.” Thor and Hulk shared a look. “Continue.” “The most prominent topics in discussions include – technology, history, fighting techniques.” The two frowned at each other. None of those topics seemed especially interesting. “Was there nothing else?” “There was one other topic.” Jarvis admitted. “But I am not sure it is relevant.” “Tell us Computer.” “The most talked about topic between Captain America and Tony Stark is sex.”  The computer informed them. There was an awkward silence. Hulk burst out laughing, while Thor blushed slightly. “Of course!” Hulk laughed. He noticed his companion’s flush. “Something wrong Rapunzel?” “Nothing.” Thor said quickly. Hulk gave him a look. “You upset?” “I’ll have you know I’ve bedded half the females in Asguard.” Thor declared loudly, looking away as a flush covered his face. Hulk gave him a look over. “Uh-huh.” Hulk didn’t actually care how many people Thor had bedded – female or otherwise. Thor flared up. “Are you challenging me?” Hulks eyes narrowed. Hulk never backed away from a challenge – even if it was an imaginary challenge that was a product of his friend’s wounded honour. Hulk stepped forward, closing the distance between them. He could see in Thor’s eyes the want to retreat warring with his pride. Thor took a deep breath and stayed his ground. Hulk chuckled in response. The Norse God’s eyes flared. “You dare mock me?” “Hulk doesn’t mock.”   Thor didn’t reply. “Touchy,” Hulk commented. Thor raised an arm suddenly, as if to attack him. Hulk pinned down the man against the counter. “Relax.” Thor didn’t meet his eyes and shifted embarrassedly. Hulk suddenly picked up on the mood. “Scared Princess?” Thor’s eyes flashed as they met his again. “I am never scared.” Hulk grinned and darted in, mashing their lips together. Thor froze and his eyes closed. Hulk chuckled again as they parted. Thor squirmed. “This is unfair.” There was an unspoken communication between them. A daring look in Hulk’s eyes, and an equal determination in Thor’s decided their path. They shifted and Hulk pulled him closer. Thor wrapped his arms around him and kissed him. The kiss was awkward and inexperienced. “Half the women in Asgard,” Hulk repeated sardonically.   Thor growled and pulled him into another kiss, this one slightly better than the first one. “Have to teach you,” Hulk continued, lifting Thor onto the counter. A shiver ran through Thor’s body as Hulk began to undress him, gently at first, but -after getting annoyed with the Asgardian armor – ripping away the clothes and throwing them across the room. “Initiating Protocol ‘Fonduing’,” Jarvis chimed in. There was a noise as the room was suddenly locked down – the windows were overlayed with metal and the doors locked with a noise. “Fonduing?” Hulk repeated. “I believe that is Captain America’s word for…” “…Fonduing.” Hulk finished. “Yes. Jarvis?” There was no reply. “I believe we are now alone.” Thor concluded. “Good,” Hulk said and kissed Thor’s neck and his hands trailed down between his legs. Thor squirmed again. “Hulk,” Thor gasped. “Yes, God?” Hulk mocked. Thor’s mouth opened, but he hadn’t any words to explain what he needed, so he shut it. Hulk nuzzled Thor’s neck. Thor’s squirming increased and he wrapped his legs around Hulk’s waist. The sentient part of Hulk’s brain was suddenly glad that Thor wasn’t properly human. It meant that he didn’t have to hold back. He picked up Thor suddenly, and walked over to the couch, dropping Thor inelegantly and then getting on top of him. It became quickly clear that the couch - while being able to hold both their weight, definitely didn’t fit their size. Hulk grabbed Thor and threw him onto the glass coffee table instead

Based off a certain line in one of the “What If” comics – ‘Spiderman versus Wolverine’. “…Logan enjoyed watching [Peter] take the lead.” Yes, it actually said that. I don’t know why. I don’t...I don’t know why.  This is set in the world where Peter stays in Russia with Wolverine, and becomes a hardened killer, and his Spidey-sense evolves into almost precognition.

There was a satisfying noise as his fists hit the punching bag. It was snowing, but that was usual for this place. He hit the bag again, this time too hard and his fist went through the bag. “Are you just going to stand there?” Spiderman asked, as he took the bag off the hook and sighed. Wolverine exhaled deeply, leaning against the wall of the cabin with a cigar in his hand. “Yep.” Peter turned to look at him, folding his arms. “Those things will kill you, you know.” This startled a laugh out of him. “Yeah, that’s something to be worried about.” Peter grinned at him. “Bored, Logan?” Wolverine shrugged casually. “The others are out of town.” “And you want me to amuse you.” “Sounds good to me.” Logan looked at his dying cigar and threw it away. Peter gave him a look. “Now you’re starting forest fires.” “Good chance with that, in this weather.” Logan pointed out. Peter shook his head. “Ever the risk taker.” Logan walked towards him and inclined his head to the broken punching bag. “Having fun?” Peter looked at them with disdain. “Not much of a fight.” Wolverine grinned and reached over. Peter quickly ducked his arm and span to the side. “Wanna dance Spidey?” Spiderman grinned and put up his arms in a mock fighting stance. He beckoned. Logan leapt forward. Spidey easily ducked his punch, and the follow-up kick. While Logan was off-balanced, Spidey twisted and kicked at Logan’s leg, knocking him easily to the ground, and then sitting on top of him, pinning him down. “Not much of a fight.” Spidey said again. “That wasn’t a fight. It was a dance. Weren’t you listening?” Peter rolled his eyes. “Well, thanks for the dance.” “Anytime kiddo.” He shifted. “You going to get off me now?” Peter gave him an innocent grin. “I thought we were dancing.” Logan gave him a look. “Dance is over Spidey.” He was getting a bit uncomfortable about how close they were. His scent was awfully overwhelming – the smell of sweat and blood. He frowned. “You bleeding?” Peter looked at his hands. “A little.” He admitted. “Not as tough as you’d like, huh?” “Still took you out.” “Because I let you.” “Sure.” Wolverine suddenly struck, twisting so that Peter was the one on his back, and Logan was the one pinning him down. Peter gasped as the air fled his lungs. He coughed. “Really?” Logan asked him. Peter gave him a look as he coughed. “I let you do that.” “Well aren’t we both polite?” “To the core.” Logan chuckled. “You going to let me go?” “I thought we were still dancing.” “Yeah, that’s old news. Now we’re cold and pinned to the snowy ground of Russia.” Spidey shivered slightly, his legs spasming slightly against Wolverine’s body. Wolverine paused, trying to ignore the part of his brain that had gone into overdrive. “Eh, whatever,” he said and let go of the man, standing up. Spiderman sat up and rubbed the back of his head. “Huh?” Wolverine shrugged. “You’re right. It’s cold.” Spidey jumped lithely to his feet. “Yeah, it is. But since when have you cared about that?” Wolverine began walking back to the cabin. “Hmm.” Peter said, following him inside. The fireplace was blazing, warming up the inside of the cabin nicely. Wolverine collapsed onto the couch. Spiderman stood up on the couch and crouched next to him, watching him suspiciously. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Wolverine grunted. Spiderman leant towards him. “You okay?” Wolverine didn’t reply. Spiderman reached over and touched his face. Wolverine stood up, but not before Peter realised the problem. He chuckled. “Oh, Wolverine,” he sang, jumping off the couch to wrap his arms around Logan’s waist. Logan froze. “Back off kid.” He said in a dangerous tone. Spiderman moved closer to whisper in his ear. “I’m not a kid anymore.” Logan shivered. “You are to me.” “Just because you’re an old man,” Spidey teased. His hands slid towards Logan’s belt line. “Kid.” “Old man.” Spiderman mimicked. “Come on Wolverine, let’s play.” “Don’t mess with me.” “I’m not messing with you. Turn around.” Wolverine reluctantly turned around and Peter was on him in an instance, forcing their lips together. Logan instinctively pulled him closer. Peter grinned and rubbed against him.