#fr there r so many times where i just have to b like “we dont have that” or “i cant do that” :/

[dnangelic]

TSUN! I HAVE SOME CHOICE WORDS TO SAY TO YOU!!!!

you are such an absolute delight to see on the dash and interact with, and that is no exaggeration! I adore all of your muses and even if i don’t know any of their respective medias, i learn about them through your writing and your metas and you talking about them and thats so fun to do!!! ITS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE THING EVER! I appreciate you giving my dazai a chance despite not knowing bsd aswell as p much any of my other muses sknsksns you’ve been so sweet to me since we first became mutuals and i genuinely love seeing you around so much 😭 i see you on the dash and my day gets atleast 10% better without fail every single time. i hope u talk about your boys forever and ever . ITS SO FUN TO BUILD DYNAMICS WITH YOU!!! anyone is lucky to write with / plot with / interact with you i wont even lie and i genuinely believe that nsjsksnsjssn i appreciate that you show interest in so many of my muses it makes my heart so so so warm . I HOPE WE CAN CONTINUE WRITING NOVELS TOGETHER FOREVERRRRR even though i know im the one who owes you like 2829922 things ksnsksns DW AB THAT . I ALSO WANNA SAY about you writing dark and daisuke specifically i think its so good how much care you put into a series thats really old and like Ive genuinely put the manga on my reading list BECAUSE of the interest garnered from your writing !! SOLELY BECAUSE OF YOU ! u are an absolute angel ( … hehehehensnensn … bejbwnw … get it bc … bc …!2&2!/@/!/82 s hehehehe ) AND YOU ARE ALWAYS SO KIND TO ME and always so interactive and i can’t even beginnnnnnnnnnnnnn to properly articulate how much of a joy you are 2 interact with !!! wishing you and daisuke and dark and yan qing and all ur muses the best day ever . 🙌

OH MY GOOOOOOSH and to think i was sitting here at ur post like 'should i ask permission for nine asking for permission. what if nine doesn't wanna say anything. i hate feeling like im ever panhandling for a compliment. nine should be pouring soup into my lap and slapping dark + calling him a bitch so i can finally apologize but youuuuUUU YOUUUUU ALL THESE FEELINGS R SO MUTUAL!!! I LOVE SEEING U TALK!!! IT BRINGS ME SM JOY TO SEE U POST!!! even the most random stuff. doesn't matter if its long or short. literally dont even worry abt owing me stuff ur presence alone is also a DELIGHT ur fr like such a funny mut and person BUT UR ALSO SO GOOD AT UR MUSES TOO??? LIKE i could go on forever abt how much i respect ur dazai alone and how even if i don't know bsd canon that's probably for the best, bc ur now ur dazai is The canon dazai to me, but u also have like nine... billion... (hehehesbhgbssnsjkdj x2) MUSES ON UR MULTI THAT U ALSO FLAWLESSLY INVEST URSELF IN AND!! WOWWWW WHAT A MUN!!! genuinely im so glad i found u even in this hellsite and that i can just toddle around following u like this everywhere 🐥 every like i leave on ur post is me picking at it for crumbs like a pigeon in a city being tossed bread. keep tossing that bread for me please please. IM CRYING. IM WAILING!!!! BUT SINCE U BROUGHT UP READING DNANGEL LET ME ACTUALLY HELP U OUT TOO??

scans are like absolutely everywhere and most places have the godawful quality fan translations. u can and frankly probably should read the official eng which is available here. dnangel had a weird run where the eng was only licensed and translated up to book 13. 14 and 15 (and beyond) are fan translations, but there's exactly one chapter that's ALWAYS broken on any website you go to except this one. this site doesn't complete the series though so the last link you'd have to hop to is this one. but the entire series is only 20 volumes in total. you could speedread through it in like a day. it's short and sweet and i love it even with its flaws. why else would i b here writing dark n dai. anyways. point is. tysm. im holding u and all ur muses tight. i wont leave u!!!! im so glad i met u!!! uve done sm for me already and i wont forget it!!! MY SO TALENTED FRIEND!!!

[jujulebee]

sooooooooooooo okay

so like a while ago i was talking 2 hubie and i was like just talking 2 him and having a nice time and i mentioned haha o yea like the nightmares vampires have and he was like what and i was like o yea i have nightmares every single night about like the end of the world and stuff like where im like a butterfly effect catalyst and stuff and hes like dude what??? and im like o yeah so like im a thinblood and stuff and i kinda forget all the deets now but like he mentioned that the sabbat are like totes not cool about thinbloods and like i was like damn ok and like he was like u should talk to this salubri and i was like dang ok so okay like i went to ask antonia about the salubri and like she told me a toooooooooon of words but like its soooo many words and it was kinda like overwhelming so i totally skimmed and stuff but like i never ended up talking to them bc i was like totally unnerved bc i like totally dont do subtle and discreet really well??? anyway so like that was a total bunk avenue so i start talking to my adoptive mom freya and shes like ok so like lets talk abt ur nightmares and we can like totally like figs out which of these we should b worried about and we like totally went thru sooooo many and it was supes nice to like b like ok these could like totally nvr happen and stuff so like we dont gotta worry abt them and like so there were a couple that WERE potentially supes worrying and like one of them involves this lady named delilah bc ive seen like her in my dreams and like ive seen her lab thing she has and like i was like telling her this and we were like well figure this out and stuff and so like it kinda just became me trying to keep like calm abt stuff cause i mean like if the world hasnt ended yet it prob wont immediately right like so its not a big deal and so like i went to hang out with melc at some point and he showed me his like flesh lair and stuff and i was like so totally fascinated and i became like super hyper obsessed with the idea of like totally doing that too like the fleshcrafting stuff and whatever but i dont wanna like become a full vampirid and stuff and like i dont wanna like hurt anyone or do like diablerie or anything and so like i was like dang what other options r there and melc was like sorry kiddo theres nothing u can do u rnt a real vampo and i was like dang and i asked freya and she was like sorry theres nothing u can do but i was like theres GOTTA be something i can do and i realized id seen null talking 2 delilah abt how like she isnt a vampire but she can do flesh crafting and i thought like whoa what like if she can do it i can totally do it right and so i like, remmeber seeing her at this local book store and i went to meet up with her and i was like i wanna learn how to do this and she was like bet ok and she was like but its gonna b hard to learn ur gonna have to learn like chemistry and stuff and i was like cool ok totally down for that and so like i totes started learning chem and stuff and anatomy and biology n stuff but like its gonna b a while before i can actually practice and stuff and i wanna b able to like practice with like stuff and like i was talking to her abt it and she was like hm well if u wanna do that u gotta like do like potency blood from a methus and i was like dang i dont rly know any methus w like flesh crafty blood and i was like o WAIT i could like totally do like null right and she was like lmao sure yeah if u can survive it and i was like what and she was like shyeah so like nulls bloods totally toxic and deffo hard to survive and so like i was like dang ok so now i gotta find a methus with like supes strong tank bods so i can like totally survive drinking nulls blood and stuff and i was like looking into my options of ppl i know and ur like one of the few ppl i know who are like so totally old and probs like methus levels i think u r anyway and like i love that 4 u love it fr and i was like wondering if u knew where i could like get that or if u could help me at all :(

i rly wanna learn how 2 make things i just think it like would totally be so fun and stuff i just wanna like ya kno do cute things and stuff and like i just need like, a lil vitae from like supes fort'd methus ya kno? idk idkidk do u think u could help me :(

i wouldnt ask 4 help for free!!! like, im down 2 like trade for help n stuff

[private]

heyyyyyyyyy grandpaaaaaa i haaaaaaad like a liiiiiiiittle question and like am like wanting 2 like tell u a biiiiiig secret in the same kinda like sweep ya kno??

@grandpa-dragon

[atticfish]

it's so awkward to b the only rural kid in this competition. all of the city kids will have 3 internships, 5 clubs, 2 sports and a part-time job and ur just there like :|

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi. can i share something. its pretty personal...its sad but also a message of hope.

so. ive been freaking out rly bad about attending this bladee show tomorrow, august 6th. the real reason for this is not just my ocd and social anxiety but also.. last year on august 6th my really good friend died. they were going by the name saint at the time. i only knew them online but we were extremely close since around 2014. we would talk often, and in-depth, bcus we both had extensive interest in metaphysics, god, angels, etc. and we both had dead parents, specifically dead from illness, so we rly deeply related to each other on those matters. they were like 9 years older than me, so i looked up to them as an older sibling. it absolutely shattered my heart when i found out they died because i know it was an accident. i think they OD’d on fentanyl cus they had been posting about relapsing shortly b4 they died. but i dont know for sure, there’s no obituary for them since they don’t have parents or family. i have cried about it every day for a year.

when i saw what day the bladee show was, i felt a million feelings at once, like, oh my god, is this some kind of orchestrated angel event? saint had the most unwavering faith, they believed in angels more than anyone ive ever met, there was no doubt in their mind. we would talk about our synchronicities constantly. it was our fav thing to discuss. they were so validating of my experiences. so in a way, i rly feel like, their angel is escorting me to this show as some sort of gift for making it thru the past year. ive been going thru my saturn return on top of grieving their death, and idk, its just been one of the worst times in my life, ive never been closer to giving up. the timing of this show rly makes me feel like saint is blessing me. bladee, saint and I are all life path 9s who r obsessed w metaphysics n spirituality, which adds to the meaning of this synchronicity for me.

the reason ive been so terrified to attend the show is because i keep having ocd freakouts that someone is going to die or that, like, this date is evil and tainted or soemthing. like literally to the point that ive spent a few entire days this past week just crying in my bed because im so terrified of losing anyone else in my life. but as the show gets closer, i am realizing i just need to trust god and believe that im allowed to enjoy myself. believe that saint’s angel is protecting me and my loved ones, just like they have every day for the past year. they have sent me so many signs, and ive known a lot of dead people but never have i received so many obvious signs from anyone, even my own father. it makes me wonder if saint graduated the rebirth cycle, since they were a 9, and they brought so much goodness to this world. i think they graduated and are now a very powerful angel forever.

its been so hard to go on without them. they were my grief councellor fr. there were some years of my life where they were one of the only people i talked to because no one else could understand. they loved POSTING, we met on tumblr and they were always so supportive of the way i express myself. after they died was when i started drawing and posting on here again bcus i knew i had to honor them this way. i cant put into words how much their friendship impacted me and i wish i could do more, i wish i cld plaster their face onto every wall and scream from the rooftops “THATS MY FRIEND AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!”. god i am going to cry so much at the bladee show, i know they’ll b rite there on my shoulder the whole time.

if u read all this, thank you. it weighs on me massively n i try not to show it too much online but man. i have been a mess. n sometimes i just wanna spill my guts. i cld say so so much more about my dear friend but i’ll leave it at this for now. im praying that the show goes well tomorrow and everyone makes it there safely. if u guys cld pray for me too id rly appreciate. i rly feel like saint is with me and im allowed to have hope now. i love you saint. thankyou for posting so much so i have plenty to look back on. <3

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[honeymoonjin]

pre-elimination thoughts

hello here is a compiled list of all the asks i woke up to this morning relating to the elimination ksdjfks please enjoy 

If u see it from the pov of yn like actually that the person yn said “lets vote kook off after he shared his feelings and got provoked abt it” thats gonna hurt koo so much and he probably will completely shut himself off/ maybe even ask to leave the house if sora allows that?😳 and for yall b’s to vote him off!!! I’ll never forgive yall if sora announces that he got voted off fr fr!!!

Listen I’m not trying to be hateful but what did tae give us this week in comparison to JK??? Did he give us a whole scene? did he take the time to set up the gym into an exam room? Give us a sexy doctor moment?? No. He gave us some relatively mild puppy play which is fine!! But i mean compared to everyone else’s scene?? JK needs his moment, needs US on his side! Tae will still have jimin if he gets eliminated but koo needs a moment to shine! #byetae #savejk

I just remembered the elimination is based on sex...i voted the wrong person😞

why are people kicking off hoseok what did my man do

I’m gonna day this once. Vote koo out and I’m coming for kneecaps. There is so much potential there with the Maknae line. Listen hear me out the candidate that would hurt the least is hobi I know he was gonna get booted last week but like he’s the one that is the least emotionally attached to yn ya feel?! And also I feel like this opens up opportunities for him to dick down other members…. not naming names but *cough* jimin *cough* anyways that’s my tea if Jungkook is booted this week Readers …. I’m cracking my knuckles and we’re fucking throwing hands accept there won’t be a Seokjin and Yoongi to hold me back when I push y’all on a coffee table 😤😤🥱🥱👊🏾👊🏾

jimin may of instigated the fight, but jungkook threw the first punch and to me that’s a lot worse

the way it just took me five minutes to vote 💀 and 4 minutes and 55 seconds of those 5, i was just staring at my wall contemplating

Let's try and think with the few braincells we have left fam. Hoseok scenes are the most fun to read bc he is extremely confident and also one of the most experienced in the house. DON'T VOTE HIM OUT. A lot of the others could have a great storyline just hanging out in the house and creating sexual tension and drama. HOSEOK SHINES WHEN HE'S PERFORMING AND BEING A HARD ASS CONFINDENT SEXY DOM. PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU DON'T VOTE HIM OUT JUST YET.

i swear to fucking god i y'all vote hoseok out i'm rioting

People out here fighting for who should get eliminated but I'm here cant even figure out who to vote for cause I love all of them so much,,,, BUT IF ANYONE EVEN COMES NEAR MY BABY JIMIN AND YOONGI AND KOO IM KILLING ON SIGHT -jimin slap me anon

Ngl y’all wish I could vote y/n out 😂😂😂 girl gets into a relationship on a porn show... with 2 guys she doesn’t really seem to even like that much in a romantic way. Idk I’m fine with vmin but I don’t like the poly :/ not because it’s poly just because it doesn’t make sense + it’s complicating a lot of shit. I love the story though so I’m gonna keep reading it I just don’t agree with the relationship. I don’t think she should have a relationship with any of them until the show is over

Aaah this chapter was so good but also a mess 😭 I literally don’t know who to choose, I would actually be the worst in such a situation because I hate making decisions like that! I‘m seeing all those aggressive asks you’re getting and I‘m just sitting in the corner over here instead trying to deal with emotions 🥺 I just hope they’re all going to be alright in the end!!

I sent u two asks already queen and it def shows what good of a job you've done but this time let me be selfish for a second Because these anons are pissing me OFF! I can't believe so many people are in favour of voting Taekook out bro I'm really gonna pull a Kook and fight yall in the living room like UR really gonna break their hearts like that? JKS gonna blame himself for opening up and Tae will be devastated that he cant touch MC since touch is one of his love languages! Yall make Me SIQUE!

im voting tae out bc imo his scene was v plain. I get that pet play is out there n kinky but it was boring. While the hopekook scene with y/n was explosive it felt like tae having jimin there for his scene was a cop out. n then they did their dumb poly thing which should honestly be against the rules. WHAT SNAKES! also ngl but i feel like jimins been such a b to hopekook all the time FOR WHAT! im voting out tae for this week n jimin after. VMIN CAN GO FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE BUNKS FOR ALL OF TIME

Please please please don’t throw JK under the bus, if he gets eliminated his mental state is going to crumble even more than it already did, poor baby boy doesn’t deserve to get eliminated specially if we vote solely on the sex, because this man really went all out with his prompt, he was so diligent with staying in character and all, AND come on y’all did you not read the part in which he was being taken out crying while saying how sorry he was for the mess? We can’t break his heart even more

#kickjk2020 vminy/n for the win ‼️😼

Okay I’m sorry for yelling in my last ask BUT I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t relate to the way jk reacted bc I’d definitely feel the same as him that, doesn’t make the actions he took right but I mean have y’all really never felt that upset and alone before? You’re up against a wall with no where to go dude. Ofc you’re gonna lash out. His prompt was AMAZING he put in so much effort and it was SPICEY. And he felt so apologetic after the fight. He needs more time please:(((( #SaveJungkook

Ok but what i think some of us don’t get is that the elimination vote is from Y/N’s perspective, right? So how in the world will that go down? After all this, her voting Jk off. So, what i’m saying is #saveSora and #savejk

that chapter was so emotionally exhausting 😓 you’re such a great writer but it breaks my heart nonetheless. I guess that’s all I have to say about the chapter. but as far as voting, my choices are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. cause one I want to vote out based off of sex, and the other strictly based on emotion. uugh I can’t decide (even though I know you want it based on sex). my final statement I’ll campaign for is PLEASE don’t vote out jin or joon 🥺 #savejin&joon

I see ask about voting my man Jimin or sweet baby boy jk and even sweet taetae out while I'm here wondering if we can veto yn out 😔 i get her pov but damn im really pissed that she just gets "plant mode on" in situations like this

I’m so sorry for my baby but Tae is the one who has to go, c’mon everyone he is the safest option! He will still have Jimin and he can still have fun with the rest of the gentlemen, and you can’t tell me that he wouldn’t enjoy just watching and/ or punishing y/n when she decides that she can’t keep her hands to herself, HE WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY BEING ON THE SHOW WITHOUT THE SEX WITH Y/N BECAUSE WE’VE SEEN HIM ENJOY SEXY TIMES WITH THE OTHER GENTLEMEN! HE CAN STILL BE HAPPY IF HE GOES

If koo gets voted off I'm actually going to c r y just-

if y’all vote my baby koo out i will personally hunt you down and crack your spine like a fucking glowstick xx

PEOPLE DONT VOTE KOOK OFF. HE LET OFF SOME STEAM NOW ALL WE NEED IS FOR HIM TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT 😭

PLEASE DONT HURT KOO IM LEAVE THE BABY ALONE OKAY???:(((((((

#SAVEYOONGI WE GOT THE TINIEST CRUMB OF HIS FEELINGS ON THE COUCH WITH Y/N THE NIGHT OF THE THREESOME AND I WANT THOSE FEELINGS TO FLOURISH 👁️👁️

i’m sorry but if we’re voting by who did they prompt the worst you have got to choose seokjin. i feel so bad for him because the thing ab his feelings just came out but the most interesting scene he’s had up until now was the threesome with yoongi. if i could, everyone would keep participating but in this moment, seokjins the obvious choice to me

luckily it wasn’t as many as i thought but still fsdjfkjks phew yall are passionate ;;-;

[trikxx]

Lookk so to mention this is not just any friends to lovers story my toxic side is screaming friends with benefits type beat so😉 there will be some heartbreaking and Shinsou talking to other girls and you talking to other boys❤️❗️this is also a poc reader sooo read if you want i dont own you🤷🏽‍♀️

Songs for this chapter ⬇️

• B***h dont kill my vibe by kendrick Lamar

• in control nba youngboy

⚠️❗️marijuana use in this chapter❗️⚠️

"Alright we have 569 orders to pack Toshi." You say to Shinsou "ok hold on." Shinsou said licking and blunt to finish rolling it. You grabbed a box of packages and put it in the living room the grabbing your computer to print out labels and receipts.

You light a candle and turn on some music (the song at the top) Shinsou puts the blunt to the side and starts labeling the packages and putting the orders together in this order costumers order, business card, thank you card, and receipt. You do final packaging and stamp for the mail marking each order off the list and putting it in the box of finished orders.

"Hey n/n wanna go get a tattoo tomorrow?"

"Sure but where?"

"You remember Sero and Denki from Highschool?"

"Yea."

"Well they opened a tattoo spot on 58th." Shinsou said "Bet we can go." You respond putting another order in the box.

*DING*

"Who is it?" You ask Shinsou cause he pick up you phone. "Armoni." "What did he say?" "He said can he come over?" Shinsou responded "Are you ok with him coming over?" You say "Yea." "Ok then tell him Its ok."

Armoni⛓💵: Is it ok if i come over?

Y/n🤍🌸| Yea. You spending the night and do you need a ride?

Y/n🤍🌸| Also do ma know?

Armoni⛓💵: yea she know and no dad dropping me off.

Armoni⛓💵: ouu i can spend the night bet. Yea if thats the case.

Y/n🤍🌸: i didn't-

Y/n🤍🌸: Aight.

You and Shinsou start back in the orders soon finishing them. "I'm tired as fuck." You say flopping down on the couch "Get untired sweetheart cause your brother is coming over and we have a blunt to smoke and food to order." Shinsou said while laying across your legs.

Y/n's pov

Shinsou lit the blunt and hit it a few times. I looked at him as he let the smoke move out his mouth softly blowing with his head back. "Like what you see?" Shinsou said looking at me with a cocky smirk thats when I noticed I was staring "shut up and pass the blunt." I say. Shinsou chuckled and gave me the blunt. I did the same thing as Shinsou but blew o's "stop trying to show out n/n." Shinsou said taking the blunt "boy ain't nobody 'showing out'." I say putting up quotation marks with your hands.

We pass the blunt back a forth a few more times until I got a notification from life 360 saying Armoni go to the apartment. Shinsou put out the blunt and put it with the spongebob rolling tray we had. I cracked the window and opened the balcony door a little bit and went in my room to put the orders away.

When I came out the room someone started knocking on the door kinda like the police (strong ass knock✋🏽💀) "Armoni Keith l/n how manys time do I have to tell you stop knocking on my fucking door like that." I say opening the door. " Dang Im sorry you aint gotta cuss at me n/n" Armoni said "Aye Shinsou where the hoes?"

I smack Armoni on the back if the head while walking past him to the living room "Ain't no hoes." I say coldly. "Yea Armoni ain't no hoes.... right now." Shinsou said smirking. "Nigga." I say with a straight face. "Im not finna do this with ya'll tonight." Shinsou and Armoni start laughing "ANYWHOO. Did you eat yet Armoni cause was finna order some food."

"Nah not yet." Armoni said. "What do ya'll want to eat?" I say walking into the kitchen with my phone to grab an water and then lean on the island.

"What about taco bell?"

"Armoni who the fuck."(sorry to the people who like taco bell) I say "ima have to agree with y/n Armoni. Who eats Taco bell?" "Uhh..obviously me." Armoni says.

"Awe naw you gotta go." I say "how about in and out? We can go out and get that." K said "im cool with that" Armoni says. "Ok." I say walking to my room. I got in to my room and pull out a pair of jogging pants and a oversized (fav anime) shirt and took off my bonnet and styled my faux locs

I grabbed my purse and house and car keys. "Yall ready?" I ask putting on my air force ones. "Been ready. We was waiting for you." Shinsou said.

Time skip

I start up my car using my remote start while we were walking to the car in the parking garage.

Everyone gets in the car. "LET ME PLAY THE MUSIC!" Armoni yells "STOP FUCKING YELLING." And it depends on what you finna play." I say turning around to look at Armoni. "Come on n/n let him play the music." Shinsou said looking at me tilting his head with puppy dog eyes. "I guess." I say rolling my eyes. "Just dont play no trash shit." I said looking at him through the rear view mirror. "Ok ok and i was going to say yall had to cause yall smoked with out me." He said making this face '😌' "boy.."

Play in control by nba youngboy

"shhhhhhhh" Shinsou said putting his finger up to your mouth and pointing to the steering wheel. "Food." I side eyed him and started backing out the parking spot and driving out the garage. Armoni start playing Nba youngboy. As much as I wanted to turn it off Shinsou wouldn't let me so we had to flow with it.

"Sk machine guns its two of us wit four nines!" Armoni rapped with the song (in control-nba young boy only song i can get down to🙌🏽 edit- i put the wrong song🙂 if you listen to yb just ignore that🧍🏽‍♀️) I turned down the radio. "What do yall want from here?" I asked they both said what they wanted and i went inside and ordered the food. As im waiting a guy comes up to me "Damn, what a fine girl like you doing out by yourself." He says "ahaha" I said sarcastically "getting food." I say still looking down at my phone. "You should me get your number." He says "you should let me get your name." I respond dodging the request. " My name is Shindo and you?" "Y/n" i say

"Order number (blah blah blah)!" The cashier says "welp thats me." I said not wanting to talk to him anymore. "Here you go ma'am." R/n says handing my bag "Thank you, have a good night" i say walking towards the door. "Hey! Uhh.. y/n you said it was!" I heard the guy from before right when I walked out the door "Hey" I said putting on a fake smile. "Can I get your number?" He asked "yea sure" I say pulling out my phone to put his number in.

Shinsou's pov

As me and Armoni are just chilling the car I see y/n coming out on in and out but she getting stopped by someone "who the fuck.." I say "what wron... oh shit" Armoni says. "You know who that is?" Armoni asks me. "Not at all." I tell him. Im not gonna lie i was jealous. But like fr who is that. I see y/n put her phone back the guy tried to hug her but she away "she dont want em" me and Armoni said at the same time and busted out laughing

"What are yall laughing at?" Y/n said opening the back door putting the food in the car. "You petty for doing that to that dude." Armoni said trying to stop laughing. "Awe well he was the on that didn't realize." Y/n said " But you still gave him your number though ." I said. "Yea Im finna block his number rn." Y/n said pulling her phone back out.

Y/n's pov

"Aye. Disconnect from my car now." I said to Armoni "whyyyy?" Armoni whined. " Disconnect or get out. Either way your still disconnecting just the second one your walking." I said smiling at him "ok ok"

I started playing my playlist.

~Time skip~

Shinsou's pov

We got back to the apartment and everybody got comfortable and we ate and watched movies Armoni went into his room and got in the bed around 3 am. Me and y/n were still in the living room. Y/n was laying on me and I was laying on the couch.

~30 minutes later~

"Hey y/n..." she fell asleep on me. 'How cute' I chuckled and just stayed there not wanting to wake her up to put her in her bed. I kept watching f/a that Y/n had put on after Armoni went to bed.

*DING*

Kami💀⚡️: Yoooo are yall coming through to the shop tmrw

Hitoshi☄️: yea why wouldn't we😃.

Kami💀⚡️: just asking cause you guys change up plans really quick if ya know what i mean😉

Hitoshi☄️: stfu. It was only once.

Kami💀⚡️: if you say soo Hitoshi😌

Hitoshi☄️: stop fucking texting me.

It was only once we only did it once. Me and Y/n were supposed to go to their shop the other day but thing between me and y/n go heated and we ended up in bed together but thats besides the point. "Yo Hitoshi your still woke?" Armoni said walking into the living room. "Just up to get som..."Armoni stopped and look at me then down. "Uhmmm..." Armoni went back to his room and got his phone.

"Moms is gonna love this." Armoni said taking a picture. "Why you take a.... fuck Armoni delete it now." I whisper yelled still trying not wake up y/n

"Why should I delete it? Why ya'll ain't tell nobody you guys were a 'thing'?" Armoni shot back. "Cause we're not. Bruh delete the pic and we stay safe. You know your sister is crazy and if she finds out thats the end of our lives." I say slightly sitting up causing y/n to move around a little bit. "Valid point I'll delete it on one case." I was over joyed til the last part.

"Let me drive the car tomorrow." Armoni said. I sighed knowing either way this might be my last week on earth. "Ok." "Anddd deleted thank you for your service." Armoni said taking his water and going back to his room.

I layed back down trying to comprehend what just happened.

*DING*

"What the fuckkkk." I say reaching over to y/n's phone.

*New message from (***)-***-****

(***)-***-****: Hey y/n this Shindo😉.

*read*

I looked at the phone for a little bit 'who is Shindo'

(***)-***-****: from In&out we met there just yesterday.

(***)-***-****: shit. My bad for blowing up your phone just realized how late it is. Text me back when you see this👋🏽.

'Wow' I think to myself bro really is blind. Would this be considered harassment. Maybe I'm tripping... im still high as fuck. Maybe I should go to sleep. I cut on another show to try and fall asleep on but I couldn't. I kept thinking what if she falls for him?

"Y/n." I say shaking her a little bit "come on" Motioning her to wrap her legs and arms around me so I can put her in her bed. "Can I sleep in here?" I ask "Bruh your room is down the hall go there." She said in a sleepy voice. "I dont feel like ittttt" i say.

Y/n slow turned over to face me. "I dont have the energy to argue with you." She said "I take that as a yes." I say getting into her bed.

I felt y/n snuggle under me trying to find warmth so I grabbed and held her close to me. "Goodnight." I say. No response so I start to let go "ok ok night." I heard y/n say. "Mhm thats what I thought." After a while I was able to fall asleep.

2062

This chapter took 5 ever to write but it was worth it I really hope you guys liked this chapter.

🌸L O V E  Y A  B E B E S🌸

[gothvince]

go off about your past lives. fool. go ham.

alright im gunna put this under a read more because it’s CRINGE but here are my lydia memories :.)

SO BASICALLY. it’s hard to be like “oh yeah it was this exact source” because... well it wasn’t, but like i guess the best way to describe it is a mix of all three sources. beej was very cartoon-y as opposed to musical / movie-like, tho he did have more in common w/ the musical than the movie.

he never had parents nd he was alive at some point. he killed himself nd ended up a civil servant! he poisoned himself and he once told me that the only reason he eats bugs so much is because everything else tastes like poison, but bugs dont. he’s literally the only ghost to ever to break the netherworld rules! he went freelance but ended up just scaring living people to death fr the fun of it, thats what got him cursed. 

uhh the events of the movie/musical happened pretty much the same? it was a lot closer to the musical tho. delia wasn’t my life coach she was just my step mom who thought i was weird. im pretty sure she and charles had a thing with otho but i never asked bc ..... gross. me and beej did end up gettin married and i did end up murderin him like in the musical. when i summoned him again later he had a massive hole through his chest from where i stabbed in and he let me stick my hand through it IT WAS SO GROSS i loved it

charles nd delia just somehow fuckin repressed all the ghost stuff tht happened and would refuse to believe me, then went back to not being able to see the maitlands. they didnt have as big redemption arcs as they did in the movie/musical, they were kinda distant but it was ok bc!!!!! the maitlands were my real parents at that point and they were very protective of me i love them......... UHHH i summoned beetlejuice again bc (suicide tw!!!) i was rlly depressed nd about 2 fuckin . off myself. and id written all these goodbyes and had one for beej but couldnt deliver it 2 him so i summoned him? and he basically talked me down nd after that we just. became besties again. and it was a lot of dumb adventures like in the cartoon!!! but a lot. darker and more dangerous.  i was rlly close friends w/ jacques and ginger and the monster across the street and sometimes id go 2 the netherworld just so i could hang out w them and beej would b like. what the fuck what abt me.

it was really good! in the real world bertha and prudence were dating and at some point towards the end of high school i dated claire, it didnt last bc we went off to different colleges but it was nice. i remember the maitlands were really sad when i left fr college but they took it as a sign to move on, they moved into the netherworld and got a house and like... settled down in the afterlife. i could still summon beej so i’d visit them whenever i cld. beej and the maitlands were never really good friends up until college, i think they were all missing me and bonded over that and bc of that they became pretty good friends i think!

i studied photography and philosophy. when i finished college i moved back to peaceful pines and bought my old house. charles and delia had moved back 2 new york at this point and the house fell into a state of disrepair but me and beej fixed it up!!! it was on top of that big hill and for the past few years it had just been. left to rot. so there was this rumour among neighbourhood kids tht it was haunted, and since i wore all black all the time everyone thought i was a witch. sometimes dumb kids would try to sneak in looking to scare themselves and me and beej would take turns scarin the shit out of them like in that beautiful sound

thats all i got !!!! like thats basically what my life as lyds was. i have some really specific memories of like conversations with the maitlands or beej and stuff like that? just random things that stick out 2 me.

past lives r fun ! i like talkin about them. lydia is only one of my more recently discovered ones so i havent done much to like... think on it or try to remember things, BUT i discovered i was vince from tmb like YEARS ago and i have SO many memories i could map out my whole life.

[mythoughtsucantdecode]

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shit i have so many best friends so here's a small list in no particular order:1. Tristan: he's rare, never met anyone else like him (thank god bc i dont think i could handle another tristan) we knew each other since 7th. started talking at 8th and we got a lot closer at the beginning of 2016 summer and we've talked everyday ever since. there arent any words that can describe how much i love him. i love how our personalities clash a lot but it just makes our bond stronger t bh I'd ask you to give me away at my wedding but you're like 12 so you'll be the best man or something2. Isabelle: we've a one-of-a-kind friendship. she's my soulmate, and I, hers. at least thats what she tells ME. we met on the very 1st day of la uhs!!! i wouldnt have been able to survive ANYTHING without her ): she was always there for me to laugh with and she loves my jokes to the point where she almost pee's herself. i love isabelle so so much i love her voice and her laugh SO MUCH ITS SO PRETTY I WISH U CAN HEAR THE AUDIO RECORDINGS SHE SENDS ME and I miss her i want her at my wedding to be my best bridesmaid3. Athena: a v special case. we met in kindergarten and our parents met. we were inseparable. her family is like a second family to me but i left for Puerto Rico in the fourth grade ): it makes me so happy that we've rekindled our friendship ever since my family moved back to floriDA THO! we do everything together and i wouldnt change a thing! i feel like our friendship has only gotten stronger since we got back! aint seen her in a minute tho...):(thats an aesop rock reference sfzfdf) YOU R GONNA b my maid of honor tho 4. Veronica: (VERONICA MY FA v E I MISS YOU) we met in dr. g's class and we IDK MAN ITS A LOT OF TIME A WHOLE YEAR VERO A WHOLE YEAR OF KNOWING YOU IM SO HAPPY THAT I KNOW her i love her she's like the mom i never had (i have a mom but Veronica's so good to me like how a mom should be!) we wENT to a jacob sartorius concert (bc i got free tickets and my mom doesnt like wasting free things LMAO) and we saw a rocket launch into space together ;-; i miss sitting next to her everyday in the bus I HATE 10TH GRADE bc i dont sit next to veronica on the bus ): veronica will you give me away at my wedding? u know the things that dads are supposed to do well fuck my dad i want you to do it5. Maya: ohhhhhhhmyyyy fuckigngb GOD where to begin my friends. oh right hem hem She🔊🔊👏WAS👏🔊THERE👏 FOR 👏ME👏👏🔊🔊 WHEN👏 NO👏 ONE👏 ELSE👏 WAS🔊🔊🔊 Maya my heart. THANK you thank yoU thank you for letting me know you in the beginning of the year (last year) YOU make me laugh S O HARD like its terrifying you were the only one who understood? my love for NARUTO? and you were the only one who reciprocated it and i Thank You for that. I MISS YOU ): you're going to my wedding and Sophias. HASCSGSG SOPHIAS GONNA PLAY SADNESS AND SORROW ON THE PIANO WHEN I WALK DOWN THE AISLE LMAOO6. Felipe: B O I I I i knew u since the first day i got on bus damn. time goes by fast when ur having fun. this man right here is FOREVER spoutiNG wisdom at me. HE👏👏WAS👏👏ALSO👏THERE👏🔊👏FOR👏ME👏👏🔊🔊🔊WHEN👏NO👏ONE👏ELSE👏🔊🔊WAS👏🔊👏🔊👏 but fr. u make me laugh so hard and we share things that nobody else knows (ok maybe tristan knows my stuff) you're always there for me when i need to call and talk or just laugh and u know that i am too everyone needs a felipelito. ur best man with tristan7. Annie: this one shouldnt even be here because I've never seen you as a friend SFSFSFF but i just think it's wild since I've only known you for a couple of months and we're like A THING bc it takes a long time for me to catch feelings with someone but with you it was so instantaneous.. its like we were meant to be and i love you for that💖

[lineatura]

Issue #4: Clemens von Schoeler

en | de

For Clemens von Schoeler, restoration is not only sophisticated craftsmanship, but a mode of thought. Many hours in the workshop spent restoring invaluable objects from the 14th-20th century provides ample opportunity for systematic reflection; reflection on how to share the knowledge of craftsmanship, or the possibility of grasping a tool as seemingly simple as a chisel through its sound. We met the passionate art lover and renowned expert of wood in his elegant Berlin apartment for a cup of a Woodlander Master Blend to talk, among other things, about his notion of time and the meaning of the original in his work.

When you go on a long journey, do you take along a wordy novel or a small collection of poetry? A wordy novel. Earlier I would have always taken the poetry. Actually, it should be the other way around in life.

Is the world getting faster? No. That’s an illlusion. Why should it get faster? Is there a reason for it?

How do you recognize a good taste? When it is self-evidentally good, of course; it isn’t consciously observed, just pleasantly noted.

What can never by found between the lines? You can find a lot there! But, that which you cannot imagine won’t be found between the lines.

Why do some things age better than others? Because of quality.

Do you remember a situation where you would rather leave things to the decay of time? Yes, all the time. I think that restoration is usually done too much, too early. People don’t take time to consider the philosophical dimension of restoration; the fact that they are just one line in the history. To think that one line can set the entire course of the future is to think too small. It’s ripping the color out of the objects and out of our interaction with them. All that remains is a black and white picture of the world.

Does something like an original exist, if at all? Yes. It’s a point on a timeline. The timeline begins the moment in which the creator of an artefact forms the matter in the way he or she intended. That constitutes also the magic of the idea of an original: It was there and nobody saw it. We try to reconstruct the original from revisions. With our individual backgrounds and knowledge, each of us constructs the thing into our own original. Can you imagine what would happen if we would handle all of these originals equally? All that meaning would make the things explode!

Will the “Lack” table from Ikea ever become an object of restoration? That’s already happening. Some museums have to deal with that. I’m quite glad that I don’t have to restore plastics that much. It’s really a thankless business.

Which tool has the most beautiful sound? The wood plane, of course! (Laughing.) But there is also the sound of a well sharpened chisel carving across the end-grain. That also sounds amazing.

Who would you like to share a workshop with? With Florian Ebinger, my successor. When we work together the workshop is transformed into a particle accelerator. Then we can see in ten minutes things for which others would need three years.

Which piece of furniture would you like to show us? A small oval convertible table from David Roentgen. I experienced both a big success and a total defeat while working on this piece of furniture. It is a long story, so I’ll try to keep it short. David Roentgen was one of the most important ébéniste of the 18th century. His pieces are highly appreciated today, they are all in museums, in private collections or in the hands of art dealers. This means that they have always already been restored, and we can only guess at their original state today. When I first received this delicate convertible table for restoration from an art dealer, I noticed that there was still the original varnish on the light protected inner surface. It was an extremely thin coating which gave the furniture a very particular finish – it found exactly the point between brilliance and matt. A perfectly translucent coating that still provided the surface with some brilliance. The furniture had some cracks, so I developed an intensive retouch technique in order to save the unique varnish. Later it came up that the customer wanted to present the furniture under a very specific artificial light and this light made the otherwise invisible retouches visible. The customer didn’t like this, and gave the furniture to a Paris-based conservator who would do anything just to make the furniture “look better”. He just replaced the veneer made originally by Roentgen – exactly what I worked so hard to avoid.

What do you miss most in present interiors? The soul.

What will definitely be better tomorrow than today? The wine resting in the basement.

Interview: Peter Koval Photo: Peter Koval & Clemens von Schoeler (with PK1) Tea: Paper&Tea English editor: Luke Pendergrass

INTERVIEW MIT CLEMENS VON SCHOELER

Für Clemens von Schoeler ist die Restaurierung nicht nur ein anspruchsvolles Hand-, sondern gleichermaßen auch ein faszinierendes Denkwerk. Während er als Restaurator in seiner eigenen Werkstatt wertvolle Objekte aus dem 14.–20. Jahrhundert wiederbelebt, denkt er als Wissenschaftler über die unterschiedlichsten Aspekte seiner Arbeit nach: Über die Vermittlung des handwerklichen Wissens oder darüber, wie man ein scheinbar einfaches Instrument wie einen Hobel an seinem Klang be-greifen kann. Bei einer Tasse Woodlander Master Blend erzählte uns der Holzexperte und Kunstliebhaber unter anderem, was für ihn ein Original bedeutet.

Wenn du auf eine lange Reise gehst, nimmst du einen wortreichen Roman oder eine schmale Poesiesammlung mit? Den wortreichen Roman. Ich habe früher immer die Poesiesammlung mitgenommen. Eigentlich müsste es im Leben umgekehrt sein.

Wird die Welt immer schneller? Nein. Das ist eine Illusion. Warum sollte sie schneller werden? Gibt es einen Grund dafür?

Woran erkennt man einen guten Geschmack? Wenn es selbstverständlich ist; wenn man ihn nicht bewusst merkt, nur angenehm zur Kenntnis nimmt.

Was findet man nie zwischen den Zeilen? Man findet da eine ganze Menge! Aber das, was man selber nicht imaginieren kann, das wird man auch zwischen den Zeilen nicht finden.

Woran liegt es, dass etwas besser altert als etwas anderes? An der Qualität.

Erinnerst du dich an Dinge, die du lieber der Zeit überlassen hättest? Ja, oft. Ich glaube, dass man in der Restaurierung viel zu früh eingreift und zu viel macht. Und bei dem, was man macht, nicht wirklich bereit ist, die Zeit zu berücksichtigen. Man ist sich eigentlich der philosophischen Dimension des Restaurierens, dass man nur ein Rädchen im Ganzen ist, nicht bewusst und meint immer, man könnte damit Weichen für die Zukunft stellen. Das halte ich für ganz klein gedacht. Damit nimmt man auch den Objekten und dem Umgang mit ihnen die Farbigkeit weg. Was dann bleibt, ist eine schwarz-weiße Abbildung von dieser Welt.

Gibt es überhaupt so etwas wie ein Original? Ja. Es ist ein Punkt auf einem Zeitpfeil. Den Anfang dieses Zeitpfeils markiert der Augenblick, in dem der Schöpfer eines Artefakts die Materie zum letzten Mal nach seiner Vorstellung geformt hat. Darin liegt die Magie der Idee vom Original: Es war da, und keiner hat’s gesehen. Wir schließen aus Überarbeitungen auf das Ausgangsprodukt. Mit individueller Prägung und individuellem Wissen entsteht so für jeden ein anderes Original. Man stellt sich lieber nicht vor, was passiert, wenn wir alle diese Originale als gleichberechtigt akzeptieren würden. Dann würden die Dinge von ihrem Gehalt her explodieren!

Wird man irgendwann den “Lack” Tisch von Ikea restaurieren wollen? Es gibt schon Sammlungen, die sich damit beschäftigen. Ich selber bin ganz froh, dass ich nicht so viel Kunststoff restaurieren muss. Das ist eine sehr undankbare Angelegenheit.

Welches Werkzeug klingt für dich am schönsten? Der Hobel natürlich! (Lacht. Anm. P.K.) Aber es gibt auch noch das Geräusch eines wirklich gut geschliffenen Stecheisens, welches das Hirnholz schneidet. Das klingt auch unglaublich schön.

Mit wem würdest du gern eine Werkstatt teilen? Mit Florian Ebinger, meinem Nachfolger. Wenn wir zusammen arbeiten, dann verwandelt sich die Werkstatt in einen Teilchenbeschleuniger. Dann sehen wir in zehn Minuten das, wozu andere drei Jahre brauchen.

Welches Möbelstück würdest du uns gern zeigen? Ein kleines ovales Verwandlungstischchen von David Roentgen, an dem ich große Erfolge und die absolute Niederlage gleichzeitig erlebt habe. Es ist eine längere Geschichte, ich versuche sie kurz zu erzählen. David Roentgen war einer der bedeutendsten Ebenisten des 18. Jahrhunderts. Seine Möbel sind heute sehr wertvoll und befinden sich alle in Museen, in privaten Sammlungen oder im Kunsthandel. Das bedeutet aber auch, dass sie immer wieder restauriert wurden und wir ihren ursprünglichen Zustand meistens nur noch erahnen können. Als ich dieses delikate Verwandlungsmöbel, von dem ich rede, im Auftrag eines Kunsthändlers restaurieren sollte, habe ich festgestellt, dass an den lichtgeschützten Innenflächen noch der ursprüngliche Firnis vorhanden war. Ein hauchdünner Überzug, der auf den Punkt genau zwischen Glanz und Matt die Möbeloberfläche veredelt. Ein Überzug, der alles, aber wirklich alles, was darunter liegt, durchscheinen lässt und der Oberfläche dennoch einen leichten Glanz verleiht. Das Möbel hatte Risse, also habe ich eine aufwändige Retouchetechnik entwickelt, um diesen einzigartigen Firnis möglichst zu erhalten. Später stellte sich aber heraus, dass der Kunde die Möbel bei einem ganz bestimmten Kunstlicht ausstellen wollte, bei dem die sonst unsichtbaren Retouchen plötzlich wieder erkennbar wurden. Das gefiel ihm nicht und er ließ es von einem Pariser Restaurator bearbeiten, der nichts unversucht gelassen hat, um das Möbel “noch etwas schöner” zu machen. Er hat das von Roentgen aufgebrachte Furnier einfach abgenommen und ein neues draufgemacht, womit genau das geschah, was ich eigentlich vermeiden wollte.

Was vermisst du in den gegenwärtigen Interieurs? Die Seele.

Was wird morgen bestimmt besser sein als heute? Der Wein, der im Keller lagert.

Interview: Peter Koval Foto: Peter Koval und Clemens von Schoeler (mit PK1) Tee: Paper&Tea

[gulescamisade]

TEREZI: =She was still torn up over dying, cuz wtf was up with that? She had no choice over her life, no choice to fight for it, either. And many of her friends, her own matesprit had to watch her be brutalized while carrying wounds of their own. She had to watch Seakrait go through with each order The Expunger gave, and she hated to see how low her previous team had to bow to ensure she did not hurt them further. She should have killed the High Legislacerator when she had the chance. Instead, she left The Expunger's fate to chance and so many had to pay for that choice.=

TEREZI: =Her forest had returned to its former glory, but she knew it wasn't real, even as she felt the pink leaves fall and brush against her shoulders. This was a dream, and she was dead.=

FEFERI: -Pretty occupied with watching the leaves fall and jumping on whole piles of them like she was a wriggler. Her short giggles fill the air where Terezi had fallen quiet, retreating into her thoughts. Not that Feferi could blame her. It was a lot to take in and... an immeasurable amount of time to do it too.-

FEFERI: -after a while, she kicks up a whole wad of leaves. Letting them drift down in a flutter.- W)(at's on your mind, Glubrezi?

TEREZI: HOW COULD 1 NOT H4V3 KNOWN 1 D13D?

TEREZI: 1...

TEREZI: 1 DONT 3V3N KNOW WH3R3 TH3Y 4R3 R1GHT NOW

TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW HOW TH3YR3 DO1NG, WH4T TH3Y'R3 GO1NG THROUGH

TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO TH1NK TH3YD B3 OK4Y BUT B3FOR3 1 D13D, TH3Y CL34RLY W3R3NT

TEREZI: W3 H4D OUR 4SS3S H4ND3D TO US, F3F3R1 >:'[

FEFERI: -The sympathetic look on her face is very real.- Yea)(...

FEFERI: Maybe t)(ey're not okay rig)(t now. But t)(ey will be.

FEFERI: It's only natural to )(ave wanted to seacure t)(e fact yourself! But...

FEFERI: Just like a lot of t)(ings, it wasn't in t)(e cards. -gently punts a small rock, satisfied when it skips over the roots of a tree. She looks into the distance, hands behind her back.- I reely t)(oug)(t we could save -Europa in time.

TEREZI: =her gaze fell down to the ground at her feet, and she brushed away the dirt to pick up a few seeds that had fallen from the canopy far above.=

TEREZI: 1 H4D HOP3D W3 COULD TOO

TEREZI: BUT N34R TH3 3ND, 1T...1T S33M3D L1K3 3UROP4S D3STRUCT1ON W4S 1N3V1T4BL3

FEFERI: -cracks a smile and bumps her shoulder.- It didn't F-E-EL like it at t)(e time.

FEFERI: I remember... being so determined to save t)(ose -Europans. Jo)(n was wit)( me!

FEFERI: And t)(en t)(e fig)(ter )(ulls came. -eyes widen as she recalls those last few moments.- One of t)(em cornered us and was going to OGILLT-ERAT-E us no matter w)(at we did so... I ran at it!

FEFERI: And )(urled my trident like t)(is! -launches herself forward and throws her imaginary trident with a big grin on her face.- And I )(eard t)(e glass crack and t)(e missles launc)(! I was s)(ore I got t)(em!

FEFERI: And t)(en...

FEFERI: -drops her hands at her sides.- T)(ere was not)(ing.

FEFERI: So yea)(. I guess it was inevitabubble.

TEREZI: =She's frowning, but it can only be described as a sympathetic one.=

TEREZI: YOU D1D SOM3TH1NG TH4T M4TT3R3D

TEREZI: 1T SOUNDS L1K3 JOHN WOULD H4V3 D13D TOO 1F 1T W4SNT FOR YOU

FEFERI: -peeps at her frown- It wasn't )(is time. FEFERI: W)(ale. It wasn't my time eit)(er in retrospect.

TEREZI: NO, 1T W4SNT

TEREZI: 4 LONG T1M3 4GO YOU TOLD M3 YOU W4NT3D TO H3LP 4LT3RN14 CH4NG3

TEREZI: 1 D1D TOO

TEREZI: 1 ST1LL DO

TEREZI: 1 WOULD H4V3 ST4Y3D B3S1D3 YOU UNT1L TH3 3ND OF TH1S UN1V3RS3 TO H3LP 4LT3RN14 B3 SOM3TH1NG OTH3R TH4N F34R3D 4ND H4T3D

FEFERI: )(ow do you know we won't still? -the smile spreads.-

FEFERI: I've figured out a lot about t)(ese dream bubbles! T)(ere are so many t)(ings to learn and people to meet...

FEFERI: You start to sea t)(ings on a BIGG-ER FIS)( SCAL-E and it's kind of incredible.

FEFERI: Did you know my friend )(oruss died on Beforus? )(e's out t)(ere rig)(t now! Kelping t)(e U.U. as we speak!

FEFERI: T)(ere's still a lot for us to look forward to... I can feel it in my bloodpus)(er. For now...

FEFERI: It's just up to us. )(ow we interpret our place in t)(e life cycle of t)(e universe and t)(e t)(ings t)(at )(ave )(appened to us.

FEFERI: -turns to face her, taking Terezi by the hands to squeeze them.- I t)(ink... we're a lot more t)(an our misfortunes. And )(ey!!!

FEFERI: Now t)(at we're dead, w)(o t)(e glub is around to tell us )(ow to live anymore? NO MOBY. 38)

FEFERI: From my experience, I was always so bogged down by fear and... some kind of R-ESIGNATION to my fate deep deep down t)(at I was never reely ALIV-E in t)(e moment to recognize it.

FEFERI: I t)(ink I am now and it's ---EXCITING. I'M SO -EXCIT-ED TO B-E FR-E-E!!! -bubbles enthusiastically, bouncing on the balls of her heels.- It kind of makes me wonder w)(at I'm actually capable of. And Terezi!

FEFERI: I want to s)(are t)(is feeling wit)( you!

TEREZI: =She looked a bit torn, still somewhat anchored to the people she'd left behind in the world of the living, and wishing she could join them. Maybe her death was as inevitable as Europa, but Feferi sounded like she was onto something here. Accepting this had happened to them and realizing potential without the restraints of the world...without fear? What could hurt them now?=

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: C4N YOU H3LP M3?

FEFERI: -her smile softens along the corners, reflecting the steady warmth of affection for her friend.- As muc)( as you want me to.

FEFERI: It's not going to be easy. You just....

FEFERI: -closes her eyes and exhales, keeping Terezi's hands held in her own.- You )(ave to realize...

FEFERI: It was so important for to )(ave been alive. For as long or s)(ort as it was.

FEFERI: You were important.

TEREZI: =sniffles=

TEREZI: BUT 1 B4R3LY D1D 4NYTH1NG W1TH MY L1F3...

TEREZI: 1 B4R3LY L1V3D 4T 4LL

FEFERI: -guides her to keep walking, just holding her hand and talking.- From w)(o's perspective?

TEREZI: H1STORYS

TEREZI: ...M1N3

TEREZI: 1 DONT C4R3 1F MY N4M3 1S R3M3MB3R3D FOR3V3R - 1 DONT N33D TH4T

TEREZI: 1 JUST...

TEREZI: R3UN1T1NG W1TH P3OPL3 1 THOUGHT 1D LOST FOR 4 H4NDFUL OF Y34RS ONLY TO LOS3 TH3M 4G41N 1N 4 R34LLY B4CKW4RDS 4SS W4Y?

TEREZI: 1 COULD H4V3 LOV3D MOR3

TEREZI: 34T3N MOR3 - D1D YOU S33 TH3 SPR34D J4M3S M4K3S FOR TH3 CR3W 3V3RY D4Y? 1 SHOULD H4V3 GOTT3N ON3 OF 3V3RYTH1NG

TEREZI: 1 SHOULD H4V3 3NJOY3D MY L1F3 MOR3, 4ND NOW TH4T 1 DONT H4V3 TH4T, 1TS...

TEREZI: >:\

FEFERI: -She laughs, very clearly picturing the spread of food every day. That niggling feeling from before threatens to surge up. The ghost of attachments she felt once upon a time.- Glub...

FEFERI: It's funny. I don't t)(ink I was ever really as CLOS-E to being myself as I was w)(en I lived on t)(e s)(ip.

FEFERI: It was suc)( a s)(ort TIM-E comparitively. T)(is small )(andful of sweeps leading up from a lifetime of being... someone I probubbly wouldn't recognize anymore.

FEFERI: But I wouldn't c)(ange it eit)(er! I got to know SO MANY P-EOPL-E w)(o for t)(e first time actually loved me for M-E. It was SWIMCR-EDIBL-E!!!!!! I )(ad never experienced t)(at before!

FEFERI: And yea)(. I wanted to do more. I wanted... a lot of t)(ings.

FEFERI: But everyt)(ing good t)(at came out of t)(e )(eartac)(e? I t)(ink t)(at's w)(at's carrying me over.

FEFERI: T)(ey are, I mean. Our friends.

FEFERI: We wouldn't be ourselves wit)(out t)(em, rig)(t? W)(AL-E DU)(. T)(ey'd say t)(e same for you too. 38)

FEFERI: So good or bad... it's all coming to one place. )(ere. Rig)(t now.

FEFERI: T)(is is t)(e you t)(at you )(ave always wanted to be. T)(e you t)(at LOV-ED your friends even w)(en t)(ey weren't around for you to love anymore... and wanted to -EAT )(er weig)(t in good food!

FEFERI: T)(is is t)(e you t)(at you D-ES-ERV-ED to be and it's w)(o you strived to become, for better or worse. Nobody can take t)(at effort to LOV-E and B-E LOV-ED away from you, sweetfis)(.

FEFERI: Not even )(ig)( Legislacerators.

FEFERI: Isn't t)(at wort)( somet)(ing?

TEREZI: =She glanced down at the seeds, turning them over in her palm. Feferi had a point. They were all very good points, too. Oh why did she have to have a point? Though her form was of one she held before she died, Terezi could still feel the sharp pain of her horns being broken off before something much deeper took its place. It was easy to live in the past, to fuel oneself from events that happened there. It was easy to live forever in what was familiar rather than taking that step into the unknown.=

TEREZI: =Was she nothing more than what the High Legislacerator dictated she be? No, it was time to let that part of herself go. She'd been afraid up until the very moment of her death, and now that she could see things clearer, she realized a lot of what drove her forward was her fear of The Expunger's retribution. But the drive that had been created while on board the UU was another thing entirely. It was free of that fear, and though she had been in a precarious position there too, so many beautiful things had come from it. Feferi was right - Salsar could not touch those things. She could not poison them. She could not make Terezi turn from what she'd learned on the ship as she had made her turn from League. It still hurt, but letting it go made it hurt less.=

TEREZI: =She glanced up at Feferi, understanding reaching her eyes.=

TEREZI: 1TS WORTH MOR3 TH4N 1 THOUGHT

FEFERI: -braids her hair while she allows Terezi to chew over her words. Not in any kind of particular hurry. Fins flutter again when she answers.- )(e)(e.

FEFERI: Water you t)(ink it'll be like for you w)(en you make it back?

TEREZI: F1RST, 1M GONN4 34T 3V3RYTH1NG =she's joking, but she's smiling at her own joke=

TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW

TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1M HOP1NG 1LL B3 TH3 S4M3 B3FOR3 3V3RYTH1NG BUT 1 KNOW 1 WONT

TEREZI: 4ND 1 H4V3 4 F33L1NG 1 WONT KNOW WH4T P4RTS OF M3 H4V3 CH4NG3D UNT1L 1 DO

TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT YOU? H4V3 YOU CONS1D3R3D...COM1NG B4CK?

FEFERI: I've CONC)(SID-ER-ED but... -twines her braid and then untwines it again. Making a fishtail this time.-

FEFERI: I'm not s)(ore it'll work for me exactly. I don't )(ave attachments to the living, you sea!

FEFERI: I t)(ink I'm waiting for somet)(ing. Or someone.

TEREZI: F3F3R1, YOUR3 M1SS3D V3RY MUCH

FEFERI: I know. -for the first time, she feels like her smile might turn a whole degree sadder.-

FEFERI: But my SOUL, t)(e t)(ing t)(at would )(ave anc)(ored me to my body... is too okay wit)( being dead. I couldn't go back even if I tried!

FEFERI: So...

FEFERI: I'm just waiting.

TEREZI: =she returned a soft smile and placed a hand on Feferi's shoulder=

TEREZI: WHO KNOWS, M4YB3 YOU WONT H4V3 TO W41T FOR LONG

TEREZI: 4N OPPORTUN1TY M1GHT PR3S3NT 1TS3LF!

FEFERI: MAYB-E. 380

FEFERI: I'm all about opportunaties!

FEFERI: But I t)(ink I s)(ould enjoy myself in t)(e meantime. T)(ere's a w)(ole mess of -EV-ERYT)(ING waiting for me out t)(ere. FEFERI: W)(y not just )(ave fun?

TEREZI: W41T...YOU M34N TH3R3 4R3 OTH3R TH1NGS B3YOND TH1S? =gestures around at her forest=

FEFERI: -the grin spreads wide.- Of course! Do you know )(ow many people )(ave DI-------ED since I kelped make t)(ese bubbles?

FEFERI: T)(e answer is... a lot. 38)

FEFERI: And t)(ey all )(ave memories and places to visit!

TEREZI: SO TH1S 1S M3MORY?

TEREZI: TH4T M4K3S 4 TON OF S3NS3 4CTU4LLY

FEFERI: It's a place MAD-E from your memories, yes! But you could make it a memory if you wanted!

FEFERI: It's not t)(at )(ard to do.

TEREZI: >:O

TEREZI: HOW DO3S TH4T WORK? DO3S 1T ST3M FROM 1M4G1N4T1ON?

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them ) 

hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances. 

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay! 

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years. 

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe. 

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost. 

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.