#fourth attempt jfc

[lalalychee]

closer than you know

i've been working on this painting for over 3 months and i am exhausted 💀 so excited to be done with it. i'm really proud of it though!! it's definitely the most detailed painting i've done in quite some time.

(please be sure to zoom in to see all the little details i worked so hard on!)

[wolf-among-mechs]

Also Dirk Gently is canon in it. Important early plot elements involve a character that is a giant reference to "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension". It turned it's own 90s cartoon into an in-universe propaganda cartoon where the villain attempted to sue the makers of it and was thrown out because Trial of Greviance is not valid legal position in that jurisdiction. One of the mechs has lore from it's toy version based on the aforementioned cartoon (The Mauler specifically).

A leader of a major faction announces the fourth interplanetary war by telling his wife he'll give her another faction as a wedding gift and he is largely the hero of the company. A war during which the telephone company makes shenanigans and they have to utilize fax technology in order to actually hand out orders. Seriously if you look at how the 4th succession war officially starts to everyone it looks utterly fucking unhinged.

It absolutely has unhinged lore. Not quite as unhinged as 40k (especially early 40k jfc).

The real life lore of battletech is even more unhinged in good and horrible ways. The entire thing about Harmony gold. Using old anime mech designs. That they built multiple arcade halls with news updates in the setting letting people play the battlemechs in simulated battlepods. One of the halls are still working today and was honestly a real world example of Lostech until they regained the source code for the game and was able to port it to LCD screens. The first Mechwarrior game was a fully 3d rendered first person shooty game in 1989 for MSDOS. For reference. Wolfenstein 3D which used sprites for everything was 1992. Doom was 93. Starfox was 93. Mechwarrior 2 pushed the limits again at 95 rendering everything a lot better. It was wild what it was doing at the time.

Does Battletech has lore as unhinged as 40k or did you mean it as just tabletop wargame?

I am already looking for fandom migration and Battletech doesn't sound bad but what captivated me about 40k is eclecticism and everything being over the top so

Battletech is a story about feudalism and bands of knights riding their steeds to victory against impossible odds. It's a story about the decay of technology after constant warfare. It's a story about racism and how extremism twists even the most righteous ideals into something wicked. It's a story about the Bell Telephone Company becoming a religion in order to preserve communications technology, and the schism of that religion causing every star to bleed. You also get super cool robots. And it's way cheaper than 40k.

I wouldn't say it's as over the top, but if you want to get into the lore, try reading the Blood of Kerensky series and see if you like that.

[theskyexists]

gundam last eps

fourth last ep

shaddiq is great. i just do not understand why he would involve the assembly RIGHT THEN when he was still gunning for president? (he literally could have simply NOT confessed to guel and let his father get away - then they would not have had any evidence. they could have said: why were you fighting us? but actually GUEL attacked him first lol) anyway his talk with Miorine proves that they understand each other perfectly and have the same moral DIRECTION.

Miorine says she’s just as guilty but she is really not. thats really overestimating herself. she killed lots of people because of negligence not deliberate attempts at assassination or endangerment

its really funny that im un-yuri-ing because of all this. Suletta has been an infinitely uninteresting protagonist the whole second season. she’s copying Earth House now i guess - giving people food when they feel bad.

genuinely feel like separating Miorine and Suletta was the stupidest decision this anime could have made. for me

wow the inside of that tomato looked disgusting wtf

SHE REFRIGERATED THEM???? THAT FUCKS UP THE FLAVOUR!!!

Nika is going to turn herself in??? GIRL!!!!!! you were under duress!!!!

this whole Nika and Martin plot is soooooooooooooooooooooo boring

‘sorry for ratting you out as a terrorist’

‘hey without you guys as friends i wouldnt have survived. ill just go to prison for a bit’

‘you can come to me with anything in the future’ (except being unwillingly complicit in terrorism)

‘thanks’

the most tell insted of show in the whole damn anime

why da fuck would shaddiq involve the assembly if it was only gonna dissolve benerit group....what the fuck. this is another higher level of politics that is completely ungrounded in anything we know

why does cathedra answer directly to benerit group anyway. how big is benerit group. is cathedra funded by benerit group? surely it doesnt have jurisdiction over ‘all fronts’. what other conglomerates have facilities on Earth? oh wait cathedra is apparently bigger than Delling/Benerit these two are just his most loyal members

oh ok elan is just hanging out here liek hes totally ok

suletta should have been called ‘grace’. no one who embodies this more. i liked her speech. finally we get a focus on her jfc

what why would they deliberately put suletta in the machine that kills pilots against her mother. they’re such nasty fucks

if ericht can sync perfectly with the data storm why can’t suletta? shes a genetic replica. you’re telling me she somehow synced by being exposed to shit in the lab? or specific experiences rewired her brain?

so WHERE is quiet zero, and why even manipulate miorine if she didnt NEED HER TO REACH IT. LOL!!!!!! THE WRITING IN THIS GIRLS AND GALS!!!!

i mean - so - why is Suletta no longer necessary for Eri to control shit. (such an unsatisfying development holy shit. WISH suletta was a cyborg. WISH they had to rip something from her to revive eri. WISH eri was supposed to take over her body. WISH prospera was planning to put Miorine’s biometric data into Quiet Zero that wold all have been more interesting than jfc discarding teh main characters as significant at all. and secondly. why isnt this enough then? because she cant walk around in her giant suit? she seems to literally be alive in there all the time now

Eri literally killing about 50 men. Eri truly is like - a terrible older sister lol. this really didnt seem like the person from the short story

somehow the assembly and miorine&guel both found quiet zero at the same time but not before prospera who thought blowing up some earth ochs gundams was more important than making sure quinharbor stayed intact and its people didnt die

literally paralysing and then killing some 50 more men. the anime presents this like its nothing.

where is Dawn of the Fold anyway....

killing about threehundred more men

miorine is like: the only one who understands at all that people losing lives = bad. but for some reason (which is untrue but which the narrative wants us to believe) she thinks its her active responsibility

random leida going for miorine. this shit truly is all over the place

------

ep third from the end

miorine being angsty would really hit harder if she was actually responsible

literally so goddam stupid that norea died after all. fucking sucks dude. goddamn

why have suletta fly calibarn when they have pharact right there AND schwartzette lol

‘she’s my fiancee now, you think ill let you talk to her?’ what is he doing....he said he liked her, she rejected him for miorine, then he stole her girl in the worst fucking way possible BY CHEATING. and now hes useless at gettign Miorine back on her feet so...he tries to scare off the one person who might be capable very lol

what the fuck.

lets duel over it? he wants to lose the duel again so that he can ‘wipe’ that HORRIBLE win from history. THIS IS SO JAPANESE OH MY GOD. are all pilots taught  FENCING???? WHY HAVENT WE SEEN THIS. thats fucking cOOL!!

‘what a fool i am’ - for what? for thinking he might win or for doing this stupid fight at all lol

‘ive relied on mom and ericht all this time’ youre allowed to rely on people suletta. you’re like....sixteen. what is this stupid propaganda. ok, you’re supposed to learn to make your own decisions like: lets not kill 1000 people

‘i cant give you a convenient peptalk. you have to decide on your own’

she just said shed decided

man. the writing team really decided to have miorine spear suletta’s heart for zero reason and for suletta to go: ah well. my fault. i get it also now. and yknow miorine im grateful bc i met you.

is that the message here? like. uh. who cares what pain your loved ones inflict on you. just make up. im too wrathful a person.

oh how romantic lets go to earth together, ill open the door to meet you bla bla. sulemio is dead to me and i am sad about it

suletta’s hands always look so nice, strong and warm. but damn they still skimping on miorine’s animation

they shut quiet zero down and the assembly wasnt like -hmm maybe this is our chance. nope. no tactical mind to be found not in the whole military

Delling: again: it’s ok that he put Miorine through HELL so much so she almost killed herself bc again: you care about him so lets make up

oh. somehow quiet zero is already at plant quetta

so how is the data storm going to 1. allow eri to live more than she does already. i mean she’s using datastorms left and right right now. 2. why would it necessarily cause problems for communications? thats up to eri no?

so why are they going on about driving a mobile suit thats not calibarn now. what.

I do not understand what is going on in Guel’s head. He’s trying to watch out for Sulemio. Then he slaps himself.

oh ok. ‘youre all students, leave the responsibility to us adults’ THEN WHY SEND THEM INTO DEADLY COMBAT AT ALL LOLLLLL!!!!!!!

genuinely ship shaddiq/miorine now. HOW DID IT COME TO THIS OH MY GOD THIS IS IDIOTIC

so sad mio’s mother never became relevant with her genetic research and tomatoes.

the tomato-eating is disgusting in this anime

why cant suletta co-exist with the datastorm. whai

‘so it’s suletta’ - does NOT call off the lasers. when she knows exactly what calibarns effect is. i despise both eri and prospera

why is guel always pitted against his fam

Eri literally shooting to kill Suletta. I mean. this gonna be a happy ending. i saw something about farmland meemaw prospera. uh-huh. what about eri big sister mass murderer - guess i both discard you and murder you.

ep second to last

Eri not just shooting to kill suletta but literally putting everything into the battle including all her GUNDbits to kill her. uhhhhh???

‘youve gotta go back’

‘no i cant turn a blind eye to you’

what kind of fucking response is that. shouldnt she be saying; ERICHT YOU KILLED HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE JUST NOW

why should i care about war crime war arms dissappearing people benerit group?

‘i dont want to hurt you’ THEN WHY DID YOU SHOOT ENDLESS LASERS AT HER BEFORE

‘is it ok to gobble up all these fronts, end all these lives?’

‘eri wouldnt do that’ huh? interesting

oh damn. uh-huh. ‘i care about you’ - yeah, its like prospera and eri could not even CONCEIVE of that. shit like that happens so often in anime it makes me wonder so seriously about the japanese psyche

Ericht. who. said in the short story that she cared about suletta and wanted her to be happy. now. LITERALLY KILLING HER because shes like: i care about you guys. my god. what a horrible little piece of shit

HOLD UP. HOLD UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AERIAL IS A DIFFERENT ENTITY FROM ERI???????????????????????????????????????????????????????? evil eri is not the same as actual big sis Aerial???

they threw in Elan even though hes not a trained soldier, can only pilot but isnt right now even. what the fuck. theyre on a strike team conssisting of....kids.

lol. he was about to fucking explode and he was like eh i guess i just will  - i liked that jeturk sibling moment. man lauda is lucky he didnt get guel right in the body - like guel did his dad

yeah isnt elan fucking pissed at that cathedra guy. hes got the fuckin idiotballs to complain about elan ‘rubbing it in’  i.e. making a snide comment about how he murdered norea

the whole plant has been taken over by prospera but they didnt think she would change the password AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

eri literally leveraging miorine’s life.... wow shes so fuckign awful. wow!!!!!

how the FUCK did Nortrette know that Miorine would ever need admin rights on Quiet Zero. what in the fuck

‘all of us will be a famil after all’

WAT

SHES INSANE MIORINE. SHES INSANE!!!

ok but evil eri still stopped a laser to protect suletta and prospera. we all good then?

ok so i guess i wont get an answer to whether theres an Aerial in there that is a better person and better sister than eri

wow. just when suletta was going to do something significant - she died

what? suletta went straight back into a gundam?? after already sustaining huge damage to her body. these episodes are just excuses for ten space battles in arow

the stakes arent even clear. one side says: oh this is liberation. the other side says: oh this will destroy billions of lives.

who is right? the show doesnt say

sappy old anime shit pasting over the very real way suletta’s shounen shit got people killed because capitalists are merciless. god theyre even destroying the strengths of season 1

somehow suletta magically fused with eri through the permet link

what the fuck she can just dissolve the whole group and sell all the assets to earth???? HAAAAA. only does this under severe duress

MIORINE HAD THE FUCKIN POWER TO SELL ALL THEIR ASSETS THIS WHOLE TIME AS PRESIDENT??????????????????OH MY GOD SHUT UP THAT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this league guy was like: oh its recharging? well just send some mobile suits then. now their own mobile suits pilots are in teh system thats about to get fucking blasted.

did miorine EXPECT to be able to broadcast to the whole damn system??? could have literally told the assembly that she’d dissolved the group BEFORE THEY ATTEMPTED TO FIRE A LASER AT EVERYBODY

Do love this soundtrack.

Assembly leader guy is going ahead with the laser just cos i guess

oh shit they projected the datastorm across like - literal space systems. wow lol. suletta really was like: fuck quiet zero i can do way bettter!

but also. then what the fuck was quiet zero even supposed to do then. and why was it bad

suletta raised eri’s score. because...uh theyre mystically bonded? but eri literally was like: shut up and get out the way ill kill you dont test me! so i dont really get it

suletta is literally like: eh who cares that you killed hundreds and would have killed billions. i support you! then why did you even fight her

so you’re saying that what we’re seeing now is a super datastorm. that doesnt look too bad. why was anybody complaining. everybody meeting their dead loved ones for some reason. oh ok but the permet breaking apart at particle level destroys steel. uh what about mio

savingg suletta from space like suletta saved mio once. ok they’re still parallelism kings. where is everybody. who got dissolved? whats going on

why is miorine screaming at suletta in space when she needs to get her inside the gundam and breathing oxygen

NIKA WENT TO PRISON FOR THREE YEARS????????????? BY WHOSE JURISDICTION??????????????? BENERIT GROUP IS DISSOLVED???????????? THE ASSEMBLY FUNDED HER ORGANISATION????? THREE!!!!!!!! YEARS???????????? AFTER SHE RISKED HER LIFE ?????????????????????????? SHES A MINOR!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK MAN!!!!!!!!!!! sorry ok that was not prison? no thtat was definitely prison. she just instantly aced her exam afterwards. fuckin hell

how is guel still head of jeturk when the company has been dissolved. how is astiassia still open when it was funded by benerit group and when its graduates were trained for work within the group. how is the dissolution not an enormous hit to lagrange4 or whatever. how the fuck, once again, is jeturk still a company. where did elan get the money to help keep asticassia open? he left peil high and dry. who is he?

oh damn shaddiq is going to prison and his compatriots are all already out. how is miorine still an ‘official’? why is she speaking with the victims? i guess shes still pretty damn rich from liquidising the whole group. but benerit group is dissolved so who is administrating. ANYWAY

IM SORRY. IM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAAHA the anime explains its happy end by saying: nobody understands how eri remained alive. THE END.

ill say: suletta’s hair is hella cool here. everybody seems to have shucked the stylish mullets thogh :/ though it looks nice. except nika’s hair which is dissapointing as hell. and miorine finally got an actual suit

Finally: i thought that for sure, like, for SURE, this story was going to be much more complex, interesting and emotionally compelling as well as coherent on both the social and interpersonal level. its like they were told suddenly: you get one more season and then CRUNCHED.

which probably happened eh.

weak ending. again. but it’s true: you gotta keep going and keep trying to do better even if you’ve made mistakes. even if the mistakes are unforgivable.

[cocytuss]

The hardest boss in Hollow Knight is the Absolute Arrogance where i think i'm actually doing rly well on a steel soul run and then confidently die to shit i could've just ignored

[primojade]

𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 #3: mirrors of you

jfc im once again brainrotting over scaramouche at this point this probably won't end anytime soon 😂💀

Sooo, this time, I was thinking...there's kunikuzushi, there's scaramouche, then there's the wanderer, right? There are so many sides of this purple angry boy were seeing now and I was suddenly had a ephiphanic thought while doing the dishes 😂

Reader and Scara were already in an established relationship for quite some time, seeing all his nasty and beautiful sides to them. And since they were in Sumeru and the ability to dream were once again granted to them, the reader found themselves in a dream! In that dream, reader found a mirror and what they're seeing there was not them, but scaramouche himself.

The first mirror show them the scene five hundred years ago, the first time scaramouche was still known as kunikuzushi, his first time wandering, and him pouring all his insecurities and sadness to you. In contrast to what you remember, it seems that the mirror was showing you that you already met him ages ago, been with him throughout his betrayal and how he decided to stand up on his own. You were always been there.

The second mirror shows you a different scene. This time, it was now familiar. Because this is the scaramouche that you met during his fatui days. The mirror shows you his sadistic side, how he changes so much throughtout the years he spend serving the tsaritsa.

The scene that the third mirror shows you was one that you treasures and loathes the most. It was sometime after scaramouche was defeated by the dendro archon and the traveller. It was the time he confessed to you, told you he loves you so much, but that was also the time he told you his farewells, and told you to forget him and live a normal life :(

After the scene ends, you realised one thing. Scaramouce, no, wanderer developed in such a short time to someone so beautiful, to something healthy and comfortable that it's hard to believe. How are you this lucky? How is this your…lover? 

But when you thought that the dream was about to end, a fourth mirror appeared. This time, though, you knew that this was not one for happy ending. Because this mirror began showing you an alternate ending in which scaramouche didn't even have the chance to meet you. After his absolute defeat, he become nothing but an empty shell of a puppet with no motivation to live. This person is not your lover but why it looked so real? Nahida and the traveller tried to help him ofc, but yeah...

SO IT WAS NOT THE END HAHAHA. After the scene fourth mirror, you found yourself in an open field in Inazuma. And YOU MET THE SCARAMOUCHE ON THE FOURTH MIRROR, not your lover but he looked the same as the one you loved the most. But you were proud of him nonetheless, because he becomes such a great person even without your help (in an alternate timeline).

Scaramouche (of the fourth mirror) told u how weird it was that you of all people fall in love with him, and he felt awkward when u show him affection suskahaja he told u u were so much different from the (name) he knows, and u were the same. And altho ur wanderer and this wanderer in front of u are both different person, their similarities are endearing. And just as precious as your lover.

HELP I WRITTEN THE END FIC BELOW THIS IS SO CRAZY I AM CRAZY. At this point ill just make it a whole fic shsja.

Hmm..." You blinked, the blanket of the bed warm and soft over your body as you felt a hand awkwardly stroking your hair in an attempt to wake you up. 

The sunlight shone through the space the curtain didn't cover, revealing your purple haired lover. He was lying down next to you, arms wrapped awkwardly around your waist as he continued to caress your hair in rhythmic patterns.

Wanderer looked down at you with an amused huff. "...Took your sweet time and finally awake. It appears you had a good dream though. You were smiling so cheekily in your sleep."

You remembered all of the chaotic albeit pretty dreams as you snuggled more closely to his chest, knowing you're going to keep that promise you made to him in the dream in some way. No matter what you had to do. 

Tilting your head upwards, you catched his lips with a quick, sweet morning kiss. The same lips, still just as soft and sweet as you remember. 

After you pulled away, you returned that big smile back to him. "...I had a very meaningful dream, Kuni. Because it was filled with only you. All of you. And I love all versions of you."

TAGLIST: @samarill , @maehemthemisfit

[yakumtsaki]

Alright you guys, sorry for the delay, I’ve had to restart this post 20 fucking times because my changes weren’t being saved in the draft and then I kept getting the ‘upload failed’ error. In case you don’t remember wtf is going on you might wanna re-read the last update (I certainly had to) which is apparently from JUNE 2018. Jfc I suck so hard. Now this was gonna be really long but tumblr wouldn’t post it so I’m breaking it up in 3 parts, part 2 to be posted tomorrow. For those that don’t feel like reading back, general recap of the last couple updates:

Jojo cheated on Wyatt with Max Flexor and my solution to that marital crisis was to adopt our first dog ever, a puppy hilariously named Maxx.

The puppy grew up to be an asshole and is constantly beating up the cats, who have turned into giant pussies (no pun intended) and are losing every fight to him despite the fact they’re named after Mortal Kombat characters. They’re a fucking disgrace to Alegra’s/Victor’s/Ronroneo’s memory and I haven’t settled on a cat heir yet because they both suck.

Jojo is perma miserable, I don’t even remember how much money away from his 100k LTW, and still not a werewolf despite my pathologically persistent attempts to make him friends with the wolf.

Fucking useless Wyatt didn’t get promoted while Komei was alive providing us with his 100 townie friends, we spent 20 updates befriending every rando that crossed our lot to secure his promotion, and then finally on the day he was supposed to become Captain Hero, Wyatt got, of course, fired and is now on track to take longer to complete his literal career based LTW than Komei took to get 6 pets on the top of their careers.

Absolutely everyone hates noogie addict Shajar, she got a Kylo Ren makeover, and we still don’t know what her sexual orientation is thanks to her ridiculous fitness/fatness turn ons and cleanliness turn off.

Golden child/10 nice points freakshow Cyneswith grew up, rolled romance with the most disturbing turn-ons/offs possible (grey hair/mechanical & charisma turn off) and the 20 simultaneous lovers LTW.

Wulf grew up into a kid, got an Amadeus makeover, is officially a Wyatt clone and the only member of this family I don’t completely hate yet.

Now I’d like to begin the first Union post in more than a year by requesting you do me a solid and lower your expectations for this thing as far down as humanly possible. Like really try to recreate the Jules Verne classic “Journey to the Center of the Earth” with your expectations here, because my brain is so fucking fried that there’s a 20% chance I randomly start citing sources at some point during this post. This grad school crap has seriously been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever. And speaking of bad trade deals, let’s get this update rolling with the man, the myth, the legend, the husband who managed to make Komei look like a dreamboat in comparison..

..Wyatt fucking Union, née Monif. It’s been a long time, but I’m not gonna lie to you Wyatt, not nearly long enough. Looking good man, just one small question, where the fuck are your eyebrows?

-You àccidéntally deléted thém, imbécilé, et I cannôt exprèss my irritatiόn prόperly becausé I hàve non eyebrôws!

Did your selective French accent get thicker this past year or is it just me?

-It géts thickér whén je suis distrésséd, givé moi mon eyebrôws bàcc!!!

No can do, brother. Actually can do, but I think the Mona Lisa look is working for you, and more importantly I still hate you, so I’m just gonna hardcore ignore you for the rest of this post if that’s ok. Talk to me when you finally get promoted, aka never the way this shit is going.

-Non! NON! MON EYEBROWS!

It’s been lovely catching up.

Jojό I mean Jojo, goddammit Wyatt, is spending most of his time building robots in the mausoleum (sweet hipster band name alert)..

..giving financial advice in Shajar’s room (inb4 what’s the difference between the mausoleum and Shajar’s room)..

..building evil snowmen alone in the middle of the night, like all mentally healthy middle aged men with 3 kids are wont to do..

..and getting the piss harassed out of him by the cat ghosts in the bathroom (sweet hipster band name alert #2). How is this like the fourth time this happens in the exact same spot, will you just stop autonomously cleaning the bathroom after midnight? It’s obviously where the cats hang out, give it the fuck up already.

-I’m actively TRYING TO DIE you absolute moron, what does a guy have to do to get killed around here?

Yea can’t say that I blame you but not happening, you can commit suicide by Ghost Alegra after the kids fuck off to college, ok? I promise.

-Oh like you promised me being heir was a route worth pursuing??

Um obviously you too need to go back and re-read your own life story, because I spent the entirety of our “““cherished””” time together telling you heirship is a shitty gig at generation 2. And then to top it off you went and married Wyatt to ensure maximum shittiness, so there you go, fucking enjoy. God I am so sick of both of you losers and we’re only 5 pics in. Let’s check in with your spawn, I’m sure they can’t possibly be more annoying than their parents-

-oh right, I forgot, this is the generation with 10/10/9 active points where the party never stops. Cyneswith are you somehow twerking to classical music?

-How else am I gonna attract all those hot senior citizens per my grey hair turn on and 20 lovers LTW?

Ok great yea I see how this is gonna go, you’re trying to entice people into voting you for heir based on how torturous playing this fucked up LTW is gonna be for me, well forget it, my readers are intellectuals and completely above such petty entertainment. (istg mofos, don’t even think about it, i already did Komei’s 5 pets career shit, i will burn this place to the ground if you saddle me with Cyneswith banging the elderly for 30 years)

-No need to worry your stupid little head, I will beat Cyneswith for HEIR just like I beat her HAIR up daily! HAHA!

Shajar no offense but you’re a fucking war crime of a sim, nearly everyone who’s ever met you hates you including your parents, and the fact that you’re the alternative here is really not helping my situation in any way. Also how the fuck are you gonna be heir when the only thing you seem to be attracted to is giving noogies, you’re like one week away from college and I still don’t even know if you’re str8 or gay or bi or w/e the fuck you are. You have Jojo’s personality combined with..

..yes exactly, DANIEL’S SOCIAL ABILITIES. I mean I was joking with the whole ‘Shajar’s the spawn of Satan’ thing, but this combo of traits was clearly drawn up in Hell’s boardroom.

ANYWAY. It’s a snowy Sunday morning, and anyone who has been a teen knows what that means:

Time to go clubbing! Man I remember being like 15, waking up on a freezing Sunday morning and my mom making me a cup of hot chocolate before I drove off to the club. Those were the days.

-Uh, Shaj, when did you learn how to drive?

-Don’t be stupid, Cyneswith, people don’t need to ‘learn’ how to drive.

-They absolutely do, actually.

-Well what can I tell you, the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

-Here we are, safe and sound! Celebratory noogie!

-YOU RAN OVER 9 PEOPLE

-How many times to I have to explain this to you, Apartment Life townies are not people.

Can’t argue with that logic. Let’s just go in and find out what Shajar’s sexual orientation is once and for all so I can spend the rest of this update aggressively promoting Wulf’s candidacy.

Now I consider ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ one of the dumbest sayings there is, but even I have to concede that this particular picture truly is worth a thousand words. Quick poll, what is more horrifying, Shajar’s literal Joker face or Cyneswith, whom I’ve never seen read a book ever, autonomously pulling one out in the middle of the dance floor, in what I can only assume is an attempt to attract old perverts with the schoolgirl routine?

And I know what some of you are thinking, you’re like ‘bro, you’re just reaching to make a bad joke bro, Cyneswith is just a sweet nice introvert and not like other girls, she doesn’t feel comfortable in the club’, well to that let me reply with another picture that is worth a thousand words:

Yea that’s right, on the first minute of our first time out WE RUN INTO THAT ONE ELDER TOWNIE THAT HAS WRINKLE MAKE UP ON. GODDAMMIT CYNESWITH

Do you guys remember how Jojo was obsessed with Stephen Tinker as a teen? Are you seeing the connection here?? Those kids have literally inherited the worst possible traits from both their parents turned up to 11, it’s fucking unreal.  

Right after I get over Wrinkle’s presence I turn around and what do I see, those 2, who have never had a non-noogie physical interaction, autonomously doing the family kiss thing. I didn’t even catch it on time because I was loling irl, we came out here so these assholes can find age-appropriate partners, and instead they’re kissing each other. Seems about right with this family, and clearly Striped Scarf’s dumb ass ships it.

-They look so much alike, it’s meant to be!

Yes, and they even share the same last name! Talk about written in the stars.

Thankfully Abhijeet is here to save us from incest by perving on Cyneswith. GTFO ABHIJEET. Anyone like ‘bro townies just autonomously come to greet your sims on community lots regardless of age, stop calling them perverts’, see you in about 5 pics down.  

I try to have Shajar chat up Striped Scarf and suffice it to say Shaj ~stole her heart~ and presumably put it on this stick to wave around.

NO. CYNESWITH NO. I’m seriously having déjà vu of all the times I was like ‘NO. JOJO NO’, jfc.

Shajar is unsurprisingly exhibiting no interest in socializing with anyone around her, instead she’s trying every activity this terribly lit place has to offer, and she looks demented while doing it:

I’m feeling a primal urge to photoshop Darth Vader’s melted helmet on the bowling ball here, someone please remind me to do it for the heir vote photoshoot.

-HA. SUCK IT DENISE JACQUET

That’s Denise Jacquet?! I can’t tell who anyone is for shit anymore. The default replacements are a scourge upon premade brands, I’m getting rid of them pronto. Speaking of scourges, where the hell is your sister?

-Who cares?

I wanna say ‘me’ but we both know that’s a lie.

Oh ok, THERE SHE IS.

-So you see Cyneswith, just because something is technically ‘illegal’, doesn’t mean it’s morally wrong-

Yea yea fascinating stuff, now get out of the hot tub or I will fucking neuter you, I don’t know if a eunuch mod already exists for medieval games but I will make one if it doesn’t.

Here, Cyneswith, drink some water, have a nice G-rated convo with your sister about violins and stop pissing me off. 

-First of all this is straight vodka.

Great.

-Secondly Shajar is talking about Mozart’s coprophilia.

-I sure am.

Amazing. Well, I guess it’s at times like these when you need to look inside your heart and truly ask yourself, what did you expect from Jojo’s children.

ABHIJEET ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME DID YOU EVEN HEAR ME TALK ABOUT CASTRATION

-Ha, I went home and put on my most elderly-looking formal wear!

-I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave Ab <3

CYNESWITH SHUT UP. I can’t believe you people are actually making me miss Gunther’s teenage whoring, at least he kept it age appropriate.

-Is some random lady pressing her breasts against my head?

She most certainly is, Shajar, because it is now crystal clear that this bowling alley doubles as the site of annual perv townie convention and we walked right into it-

-and it’s also clear we have serious issues and are enjoying ourselves. Shaj I legit don’t know what to tell you, this is the first time you get along with someone right away and it just had to be the adult with the bad haircut and the flasher’s trench coat???

-You’re damn right it did.

Alright then, I’m officially going to nope out of this situation, safe in the knowledge you’re a noogiesexual and nothing will actually happen with this freak, so I’ll focus on Cyneswith instead who is much more of a loose canon. 

Here Cyn, talk to this guy, who I’m 90% sure is the same guy your father rejected in favor of stalking Stephen Tinker when he was your age.

-Ohhhh, he’s dreamy!

Omg really?? Halleluj-

-oh never mind, you were of course referring to adult ass Brandon Lillard. I do like that our townies have recurring roles each generation, we should make rejecting Blondie a rite of passage in this family. We should also officially gtfo because this is happening:

-Um, now that I’m looking at you in harsher lighting, it’s gonna be a no from me dawg. 

Oh, thank the fucking lord.

-Let’s celebrate the fact we didn’t get hopelessly obsessed with any adults here by doing the traditional Dance of Normality!

-We beat Dad’s genes, we beat Dad’s genes!

-We’re normal!

Yes, and we’re definitely showing it. Can we please leave now so I can make sure I’ve uninstalled Inteenminator and turn off free will? 

-Nop! Venue change!

-Got-out-of-the-car celebratory noogie!

-Made-it-to-the-door celebratory noogie!

Shajar you unironically have a noogie addiction, I’m not kidding in the slightest, you need to see a doctor.

Great, great, not another teen in sight and to top it off Denise followed us here to ensure maximum elder presence. I feel comfortable officially declaring this day a complete waste of time.

God, the vintage pink dress and the pink alcohol combo is some straight up current era Taylor Swift nonsense. That’s it, we’re outta here, back home where no one is lurking, waiting to strike at us-

-SOPHIE NOOOOOOOOOOOO💔💔💔💔💔

-The Lord is my shepherd.

NO HE ISN’T EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN’T HERD CATS PLEASE DON’T DIE

-Nop, I’m over it. Goodbye heathens, it’s been nice, hope you don’t find your paradise. 

UGH SOPHIE, my beloved Westboro lunatic, the last gangsta generation 1 cat we had.. I can’t believe you’re gone and all I’m left with is stupid Goro and D’vorah who can’t even beat up the fucking dog. This is truly painful.

Yes, pets, I agree, Kaylynn is completely to blame for Sophie dying of old age. The time has now come to decide on a cat heir-

-and since Goro ran away like a little bitch after Sophie’s death despite the fact he didn’t even like her, he’s automatically disqualified and will be going off to live on Melody and Daniel’s farm once returned to us. Congratulations to D’vorah I guess, on being the least terrible of two terrible options. 

On the topic of terrible heir options, Cyn has non-stop wants to go on dates and have her first kiss and all that crap, and since our Sunday morning clubbing was a bust we invite over the matchmaker.

-Hello there young Union, I see your house has been upgraded since I was last here.

Oh right we haven’t required your services since Daniel was a teen and we lived in a trailer, well we are flush with cash now!

-Hopefully your payment reflects that.

It will!! Just please give us someone good, I can’t deal with single teen Cyn for one more second.

-Oh my, what a beautiful BLANK PIECE OF PAPER.

WHAT!? NO THAT’S 5K IT’S JUST A SNOW GLITCH 

-What do I look like to you, a money thawing service?

Does such a service.. exist??

-It does not, so I have to go home and use a hairdryer on this!

Just come inside and we’ll give you non-frozen money!

-No, no, you’ll get what you paid for..

-Have a magical time!

...

.........

......................

Lakshmi this was so fucking evil that I almost want to age you down and see if you and Shajar hit it off. 

-As if, the whole neighborhood knows what you did to Komei.

Helped him achieve his insane 6-pets-career LTW?

-Turned him into a servant while your sim was lounging around all day!

Oh yea I did do that. But Wyatt was also a townie and he does literally nothing, Jojo is the servant now!

-Only because Wyatt is too fucking stupid to do things! Word has gotten out, no townie will ever marry in this family again unless they’re brain dead, so it’s Wyatts only for you from now on, sister!

Well this has been a complete fucking disaster. It was great seeing you again, Lakshmi, thanks for the dream date with the adult farting machine, 5k well-spent.

Pretty sure it was you bro, and yes, how about we don’t do that again.

Wyatt has brought over Amanda from work! (Aka Victoria’s only friend and subsequent lesbian lover, who is really pretty and is definitely getting married in at some point, preferably after the brown hair genes have been weakened so we can go back to being gingers.)  

-Wow Shajar, your grandmother, God rest her soul, mentioned you were her favorite and now I can see why! Loving the Kylo Ren look!

-Is someone being genuinely nice to me?! What is happening?

-Yes, please stop being nice to her, Amanda, we don’t want her getting used to it.

Jojo istg.

-Cyneswith dear, tell Amanda all about how much money your grandmother left you so she can stop being nice to Shajar. 

-Soooo much money, Miss Amanda!

-Ah, what a polite child I’ve single-handedly raised.

-Now, Cyneswith, you really need to get back on the dating scene so you have ample time to find the perfect spouse and continue our line, since you’re clearly the only one of my children that is remotely heir material. 

-Dad, Shajar and Wulf are right next to you.

-Oh they are? I’m wearing my special contact lenses that make those disappointments invisible to me, but even better, they need to hear this. Shajar is a noogiesexual and thus incapable of reproduction, and Wulf is not even a Union, I mean have you seen that kid? Wyatt reproduced by himself like the amoeba he is. Now, your grandmother-

-YOU MENTIONED ME 3 TIMES AND HERE I AM

OH FUCK VICTORIA, deleting the default replacements gave you base game hair!!!!

-That’s the part you’re scared by, not my Beetlejuicesque entrance?

There’s literally nothing scarier than your ghost sporting this haircut for all eternity, I’m re-downloading that default immediately. 

-Oh mom, so good to see you! Let me just hug my beloved child, Shijer-

-Shajar, dad.

-SHAJAR, let me hug Shajar, like I do all the time. 

-I’m glad to see you’re not picking favorites among your children like I did, the way I treated David-

-Daniel, mom.

-DANIEL, is the one thing I’ve truly been regretting in the afterlife. That and not skinning Marisa Bendett alive when I had the chance. 

-Well, as you can see by Shajar’s totally normal and not at all shocked reaction to my hug, I am a wonderful, fair, and emotionally available father. 

(Bruh this freaked me out so much when it happened, I mean I KNOW it’s an animation glitch but I was convinced my sims had become sentient for a good while after)

-Is your grandmother’s ghost still on the premises?

-Yup. 

-When will this nightmare end, paying attention to you is the worst. 

-Ok she’s gone.

-FINALLY. Now it’s back to the crypt for you, and don’t you dare go complain to her urn!

-Ah, Stephen, Stephen, my life is crap and I can’t even🎵

And with the knowledge you have composed a theme song for Stephen Tinker, part 1 of the Union comeback update is concluded. Will Shajar’s sexual orientation reveal itself? Will Cyneswith find true love? Will Jojo become a werewolf? Will Wulf continue to be the only dignified member of this family? Will D’vorah have kittens? Will Wyatt do literally anything worth mentioning? Tune in for parts 2 & 3 to find out, unfollow button on the upper right corner for those who need it. 

[rhodesmystery]

what is the rough timeline of natasha and charlie relationship? i love your fics and how its like little peeks into the development of it all and how it doesnt rely on them being together ll the time its lovely

HM HM HM okay let’s see... like i guess the thing is that ultimately is written for charlie and what i’ve done for natasha is being their own person is rly integral to them? like charlie grew up in a house where at any period of time, nine ppl were living under the same roof? like he didn’t have much time to himself that he literally upped and moved to romania lmfao. and natasha like, one day i’ll remember to post her family tree, but she’s in the same boat in a way, especially when her family moves from america full time. then she’s suddenly thrown into a household with all her extended family. they need to be their own people first, and i mean that independence does hurt communication and the needs of not just themselves but others as well and i guess that’s why i wrote the long walk for their relationship to finally find that point where they were like. yes. where their lines finally crossed over and stayed crossed over, instead of simply running parallel and sometimes moving in but barely touching?

this got long so under the cut

they do meet in first yr bc the game is LYING that such a SMALL CLASS POST-VOLDY wouldnt exist like a literal baby boom happens post voldy dying but the current kids around would honestly be rly small groups? hogwarts would be so EMPTY REAL TALK everyone also afraid to let their kids go to school

natasha asks for slytherin, should've been ravenclaw. much distress, and first yr in between running around with the vault of ice kind of finds her spending a lot of time in the towers and stuff. she likes high places. 

this gonna sound bad but i dont rly remember much of the 1st yr of hphm apart from not sealing the vault properly, but anyway natasha and charlie were friends anyway that mattered and natasha wasn't a very good slytherin for befriending a gryffindor AND a weasley

second yr is kind of the time where she meets bill and like on the one hand is a little infatuated with him but they are rly good friends at the end of the day. she pulls away from charlie a bit bc of it but then again i figure around this stage charlie has started his crusade of entering the forest in some respects so like. he’s not even on the grounds half the time lbr. also, i dont remember much of this yr either a lot happened. but the ice knight was there.

third yr aka vault of fear! again, with the bs, i think natasha knew of everyone PRIOR to their intros and stuff so they’re all kind of good friends but ig this is also just my thing of like. small classes post war. even with the attempt at animosity between houses, especially post war, kids probably aren't going to do. that. and i know slytherin is all death eater kids basically but most of them are probably orphaned too by the end of the war. theyre all scared ANYWAY social circle expanding... idk this yr was a ride too i remember it a little bit more than the others ig. idk what happened here rly

OKAY SO FOURTH YEAR RIGHT that’s when it’s literally a year of dating charlie in game but whatever. so going from literally spending only classes together and maybe like the one christmas if bill and charlie stayed in the castle at the same time, natasha and charlie did talk and were friends but it was on the down low towards the end of third yr. until it wasn’t bc literally all the scheming to get into the forest and mr charlie ‘i asked my brother a million questions about you over the summer’ weasley just rolling up. and theyre in each others spaces A Lot which is kind of wild for the both of them considering they’re both from large families and personal space is A Thing™ they both really need but their friendship really deepens this year. they’re very honest with each other, and whilst bill is natasha’s best friend just because of how they click, her and charlie have this understanding between them that it’s hard to get between.

except fifth yr comes along and smacks everyone in the face. natasha finds out what puberty is over the summer, along with a prefect badge. charlie also has a bit of a growth spurt around this time, so they’re awkward and lanky around each other early on. natasha also dates myron wagtail during her fifth yr, as well as esther szohr and a couple of other ppl here and there. she’s all giggly and twirling hair and I'm so sorry charlie she just hasn’t noticed you at this stage. but it’s not rly a good year for her, mentally all around, so don’t feel too bad ig.

sixth yr she’s getting tired(er) and lightly dates other people as well. broke up with myron over the summer, and like. has started to see charlie in another light, kind of? but at the risk of ruining her friendship, madly writes to bill most of the time about ‘how do i get your brother to notice me????’ because communication is key and natasha doesn’t actually know what it is. she’s also named captain of slytherin quidditch team this yr, and well. ends up spending a ridiculous amount of time closer to charlie’s second great love. sees another side of him. swoons in the stands a lot. they kind of reignite their friendship as well, as it just politely simmered in the back. teach other spells. lots of touching with hands like no no wave like this... it’s very romantic and high strung and they’re dumb teenagers not sure what to do.

they mess it up over the summer between sixth and seventh yr tho. lots of kissing. some other stuff. natasha spends a bit of time with the weaselys before returning to hogwarts. hormones everywhere.

seventh year starts with them kind of tiptoeing around not knowing where they stand relationship wise, and they’re not!! good!! at talking!! so it’s like a big drawn out game of whispers to figure out who said what but it breaks off bad and natasha cries a lot and charlie feels awful too and they’re mopey and shit for a while. like they can’t be in each other’s spaces for a while that they kind of completely withdraw to their own houses sort of thing. eventually, with a few helpful nudges and stuff, they at least talk to each other but don’t know if the friendship is there. 99% sure penny was ready to amortentia the both of them to ‘fix things’ and also just to prove she could do it. also probably didnt help that barnaby and a few other slytherins jumped charlie and quidditch team as 1) for natasha but also 2) for quidditch and that also really prompts natasha and charlie to talk because they rly cant let ppl do it for them lol

same year still, but as things start to improve and they can somewhat pick up their old banter without getting sad, bill invites natasha over for xmas because he’s actually given it off. never mind that in between all this, natasha took to writing to myron again, which just. not nice natasha jfc. natasha and charlie enjoy an incredibly awkward trip back with some UST, kiss again in the spot where they pretty much shared their first kiss, refuse to talk about the kiss, natasha buys charlie a new wand, they try to talk about it but its mostly natasha apologising for being a brat.

theyre still not back ‘on’ though, and have some make outs in locker rooms anyway, to the both of their confusion. are they ever going to talk? no. UNTIL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and natasha’s not good at words but she’s good at actions and yknow what? fk it. slytherin might’ve won the quidditch cup, but when she landed in the middle of the pitch, and charlie reached out to shake her hand, she grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him in for a big damn kiss in front of literally everyone, cup in her other hand. she keeps a photo of it on her at all times after that. 

i also have a fic I'm writing that was kind of before the celestial ball was announced where they organised kind of 7th yr graduation dance thing and it was going to be quiet and intimate kind of and natasha and charlie end up finishing the night together, falling asleep on a balcony and waking up with each other sort of thing lol

and that’s only ‘91. late ‘91 is when they separate for job opportunities. natasha goes to work at gringotts for a bit with bill, and charlie goes off to romania. they get a few weeks in of summer loving before, though, also post graduation celebration. but they write constantly and stuff. pursuing their own lives kind of starts to become a thing.

in ‘92, early they kind of make a vow to each other when they get a bit of time off and go to greece. its very romantic and a big step forward in commitment for them, as they don’t really see each other for the rest of the year. also, late 92 natasha starts working at durmstrang, which removes her even further from the stream of things.

early ‘93 is not a good time for charlie because of what happens to ginny and ron, so he’s not exactly in the best mindset as theres some self doubt at removing himself so much from his family, he cant be there so easily when they need him most. midway through ‘93, natasha gets attacked at durmstrang, and it takes ppl a while to actually find her. charlie spends a long ass time in st mungos beside her until she wakes up, and they reaffirm their feelings for each other when she does. natasha admits that she had called for charlie, being the last thought she had, and she creates the little runic stones for the both of them as a way of contacting each other, or just reminding them the other is there.

natasha returns to working in late ‘93, and in ‘94 they see each other again at the world cup. i know i said they took a break and ig they did but its easy for them to flirt dumbly until things go to shit with death eaters. until they punch one! and later on natasha is brought in as hired help to tutor the students brought to hogwarts, but because her ‘inside knowledge’ of the school is valuable. her and charlie hook meet up quite a bit when he’s present for the first task. also because she’s hanging around for the entire year, she is there for the yule ball and stuff. lots of writing to charlie like do you remember when we danced? so romantic.

idk what happens in ‘95. i haven't planned anything. same for ‘96. short of natasha going to romania to visit charlie a few times, and how her work ends up bringing her into the ministry a bit. its not the same kind of cooling off as hogwarts where they question the relationship, but apart from letters they dont really see each other.

in 97 however!!!!! bill and fleur’s wedding and like. they spent a bit of time apart again, so natasha puts on her best to impress her boy. and charlie wants to propose but also because he’s totally smitten by the idea of making it real between them as a proposal via ribbon only does so much lmfao. and they get interrupted! and separated for quite some time actually. natasha ultimately returns to her family, for the larger part of 97 she's working with them as they deal with the fact her grandfather made a deal with death eaters, and that her ancient family history is coming back to bite them in the ass. like i know in the books they say charlie went around recruiting foreign wizards but thats so HANDWAVEY of jkr yknow? granted she never rly sounded like she knew what to do with charlie apart from shipping him off to romania. I'm sure he went to romania like YO we cant let this happen come with me when it mattered, but you’ll have to fight me to convince me he wasn't with his family for a large part of the story, and that he wasn't doing underground work and stuff in the mean time (you can’t change my mind)

in 98 though everything goes to hell for natasha’s family and she, in a moment of panic, calls for charlie. and he literally runs to her, and they both nearly die for it, but like he finally sucks up the courage to ask her, for realsies, if she would marry him. its been like 10yrs of will they wont they for them and only so many bets can be placed. 

they get married late 98, and i know i never quite decided on smth big or intimate, but i think i’m happy with a ‘they had a big damn wedding and it was ridiculously opulent and flowery for autumn where you would’ve thought it was spring sort of thing. or maybe even something blissfully wintery. they’ve moved out of their summer romance phase, where it only came around for a few weeks at a time. relationship development. 

DO THEY HAVE KIDS I CANT DECIDE i guess the eldest would be born some time in 99? and then from there a general progression lmfao but YEAH

also in regards to like the celestial ball i understand why the canon characters weren’t involved, but i’m just smad. barnaby was rly cute though so... THERE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY

[darcyfirth]

TGC was so good! I literally didn't stop grinning through the whole movie. Just- Elton John and Merlin and the weird 50's aesthetic and the cool prosthetic! I'm just speechless! I loved the cinematography during the fight scenes!

a;sdlkfj yes! 

(please stop reading here if you want to avoid spoilers but really it’s just my observation and general reaction to stuff?)

i saw it for the second time today and these are my fav (hartwin heavy) parts: 

the parallel of tilde-eggsy and eggsy-harry (the giving the person you love a cute ***) 

eggsy’s constant need to be near harry and his apparent attempt to touch harry as if he wants to make sure he’s alive and there and not just a figment of his imagination

colin speaking italian god bless 

oh ye of little faith - i died 

colin’s acting especially when you can see harry’s demeanour switches back to his old self jfc

elton JOHN ELTON GONE also his air kiss to harry he’s living my life 

HARTWIN'S BEAUTIFUL BATTLE-MODE COORDINATION. they literally had no practice together and yet  

eggsy breaking the fourth wall when he talks about drugs use (a bit spoilery but i’m already omitting a lot)

WHEN. HARRY. RETURNS. EGGSY’S. AFFECTION. AND. THEIR. HANDS. TOUCHED.

[pharaohsparklefists]

Episode 95, part 3 of 3 (part 1) (part 2)

(And let me just take this opportunity to let you know these recaps are pretty much made possible by my amazing patrons and my lovely ko-friends!)

Having told everyone the story of how her younger brother’s alternate personality murdered their father, the group settles in for a round of the self-blame-game. Isis feels responsible, because she and her brothers disobeyed their (abusive) father

Interestingly, she says in the flashback that it’s Malik who’s breaking the law of the clan by leaving (Isis seems to be allowed leave), but I guess she feels like it was her fault because she was older than Malik and more powerful than Rishid and could have talked them out of it.

And Yami, never to be outdone in feeling guilty for things that aren’t really his fault, wonders if it was he who...

because Shadi is a LYING LIAR who LIES, and he makes everyone unhappier than they were before they met him or had stories told to them about him.

Isis, very accepting of the tournament format (she is SO Lawful Good), sees Yugi et al as the only hope now to defeat Yami Malik and restore Original Flavour Malik

“what do you mean, you people?”

Also, Ishizu and Anzu have lost a lot of weight since a screencap ago and Anzu is looking increasingly like a bobble head doll:

Their Kaiba-mandated bedtime approaching, it comes up that obviously the non-duelists don’t have fucking beds. Again. Also I’m going to assume Kaiba provided toothbrushes and towels and shit (at least for the duelists) and the on-board medical centre would hopefully be able to cover any necessary medications anyone might need, but no one has their jamjams with them, or a change of clothes, or anything. Although possibly after the last tournament some of them started carrying a spare pair of underwear and socks. Mai being the most likely candidate, as the only fucking person to bring a snack to a weekend away on an island, but she’s tragically too unconscious to enjoy her wise preparation!

Honda points out that he and Otogi obviously can’t stay in Mai’s room (as Anzu and Shizuka appear to be planning to), and...

Amazingly, Yugi gets away with keeping his own room to himself, possibly by being literally overlooked by being so short. They just forgot he was there? Or assumed he didn’t get a whole room to himself because he’d just fit in a cupboard?

Before they split up for the night, Jounouchi and Yugi share a sweet moment  while Isis awkwardly third-wheels it in the background

y’know, sweet for this world where yelling card game challenges counts as touching and possibly even romantic. 

And Shizuka, with unerring sibling insecurity-homing powers, asks,

And apparently Jounouchi is NOT AT ALL CONFIDENT despite his claims, lol

But it’s a moot point anyway:

#thoseFACES

Since Kaiba disrupted the future, Isis no longer knows what’s going to happen. Everything up to this point happened exactly as she knew it would, but now anything goes! I wonder if she deliberately used the Necklace now, would she see the current most likely outcome?

But she doesn’t...

She hands it over to Yugi, fulfilling her role as its guardian. With NO fucking card game required, MIGHT I ADD. 

AU where the plot of YGO happens with adult women instead of teenage boys and it’s all very civil and over much sooner.

AU where Isis is in charge of the Items instead of Shadi and calmly delivers them to the right person without making a big fucking murder-inciting song and dance about the whole thing.

Everyone heads to bed, but Anzu calls Isis back for a quiet word in the corridor. She wants to know, when the Millennium Items are assembled...

This is actually very comforting, in the grand scheme of things, but not exactly what Anzu wanted to hear.

And as soon as Isis leaves, something else Anzu doesn’t want happens. The fragment of Malik within her takes over and goes to a second room...

This is wild, because Malik!Anzu ALREADY DID THIS. In episode 85, Anzu brings the Ring to Bakura’s bedside, and Shadi dropped by to probably ruin something but definitely didn’t stop Malik!Anzu from handing it over to Bakura cause he peaced on out of there pretty quick:

Was Bakura too injured to use it so Malik had Anzu keep it? Keep it WHERE she def doesn’t have pockets big enough for that yoke? Or was he playing, like, “got your Ring” with him? Either way...

PEWPEW was the actual sound effect for this moment, I need you all to know that.

In a third room, Yami ghosts into existence when he realises Yugi isn’t sleeping.

Turns out Yugi’s having similar worries to Anzu...

He knows he has to help Yami gather the Items and then they have to go to Egypt, but he’s worrying about it, about what will happen, and when Yami tries to talk about it with him, Yugi smiles and shuts the conversation down:

So that’s just about as heartbreaking as it possibly can b--

NOPE IT GETS WORSE

(╥_╥)

Meanwhile, in a fourth room (Rishid’s), Yami Malik gets interrupted when attempting to murder Rishid YET AGAIN, this time by...

this spoopy jerk!

“Or should I say, my other half.”

“Because we’re dating you see.”

“Do you get it? ... Malik, is he getting it?”

Sadly, instead of gay puns, they immediately start threatening each other:

This could literally be any of them talking, they ALL talk like this, also WHAT a nerdy threat, jfc lads.

Who IS talking? This guy:

living his best life

And they ACTUALLY START FIGHTING WITHE THEIR POWERFUL, VIOLENT MAGIC THIS IS GREAT THIS IS SO EXCITING

YES FUCK EACH OTHER UP WITH THIS WIZARD DUEL SHIT THIS IS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN--

card games. fuck.

[fanfictionandstuff]

Secrets- Riverdale X Reader Chapter 4- The Last Picture Show

Fandom: Riverdale   

Warnings: Ms. Grundy and the clusterfuck that comes with that...<<also swearing apparently. 

notes: yikes ive been inactive for forever jfc oops SORRY!

word count: 3,500 (ish)

You woke up on the soft and worn blue fabric of your living room couch the soft evening light filtering through the window. Your phone was blasting your moms ringtone and her smiling face lighting up the screen. You groggily picked up the phone and hit the green 'answer' button 

"hey mom" you mumble still not 100% awake, you were not prepared for her this soon after waking up.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" she greeted you chirpily, you groaned internally she wanted something 'sweetie' was a dead giveaway.

"I'm fine mom." you replied, sighing internally you just wanted her to get to whatever she wanted.

"Good, thats good...so I heard they found Jason Blossoms body...Sweetheart, I know it might be tempting to tell someone about your...ties to that family. But remember, you'll be ruining both our lives." your moms voice was almost happy and carefree, but there was definite worry under it, finally her reason for calling became clear.

Its not that your mom was a bad parent, but she was flighty and a bit self centered if it didn't suit her it wasn't an option and it had always been like that. When you were 12 she had left you for a month with a babysitter and gone to Rome for work. She tried she really did but she wasn't cut out for kids, honestly if you hadn't come along by accident your mother probably wouldn't have had kids. She was like the professional fun aunt, she was less flighty when you were a kid but something had changed when you were old enough to (kind of) take care of yourself and that was that. It stung a bit when it had first started happening but now you were just tired when it came to your mother.

"no mom. I haven't told anyone. I know the consequences."

"Good! lets keep it that way pumpkin, the Blossoms aren’t people you want to get mixed up with." she sighed with relief. 'pumpkin' was new. 

"Are you coming home soon?" you asked, knowing better than to ask about her comment about the Blossoms you didn't ask about your father and she didn't tell, you had learned that one young.

She breezed past your question. "I have to go (y/n), talk later!" and she hung up before you could even say goodbye. You hit the end call button and threw it at the foot of the couch, and covered your face with one of the navy throw pillows in a form of protest against everything.

You glanced at the wall clock and realized it was almost 6pm, and you were starving so you changed into fresh clothes grabbed your backpack and slipped out the front door. Locking it behind you and walked the few blocks to pops, the neon signs greeting you as you approached.

You walked through the door to find some of your friends already sitting there. Jughead was gesturing angrily as you grabbed a chair from a nearby table and pulled it up. "The Drive-in closing, its just one more nail in the coffin that is Riverdale! No. forget Riverdale. in the coffin of the american dream." Jughead was ranting, he was still doing the angry gesture thing outrage in his every word. "As the godfather of indie cinema,  Quentin Tarintino, likes to say--"

Kevin cut him off. "please, god, no more Quentin Tarintino references." "What? Im pissed. And not just about losing my job The Twilight drive in should MEAN something to us, people should be trying to save it!" Jughead continued his mini rant.

Veronica was next to chime in, "In this age of Netflix and VOD, do people really want to go watch a movie in a car? who even goes there?" “People who want to buy crack" Kevin added. 

"And cinephiles and car enthusiasts--" Jughead started listing off people who go to the twilight and you were the one to cut him off this time.

"I go." you chimed in, you had been a bunch of times when the house got too empty or you felt too isolated. You would take the old beat up pick-up from the garage and go to The Twilight. Just to be around people for awhile, and not have to worry about oversharing. considering everyone in the freaking town only wanted to gossip about the blossoms and Jasons murder.

"See (y/n) gets it! The Twilight drive in is a riverdale treasure, right Bets?" Jughead gestured at you and then turned to a very distracted Betty. She blinked a few times before nodded and smiling politely. "Totally."

"Anyway, its closing because the town owns it but didn't invest in it. so when an anonymous buyer made mayor McCoy an offer she couldn't refuse--" Veronica cut Jughead off again. "Anonymous buyer? What do they have to hide, No one cares." "I do!" Jughead retorted.

"I kind of do too, well more about the drive in closing than the person who bought it. I wont--" have anywhere to go when I cant deal with the big empty house.  "--I spend alot of time there." you catch yourself mid-thought. Jughead gives you that weird stare again like the first time you met in the gym. the weird 'I’m trying to figure you out not just looking at you' stare, after you chime in, and veronica and Kevin gave you half-hearted looks of curiosity.

Jughead breezed past it though. "Also, you guys should all come to closing night, Im thinking 'American Graffiti'. or is that too obvious?"

Veronica perked up at the slight topic change. "I vote anything starring Audrey Hepburn. Or Cate Blanchett." "Or the talented Mr.Ripley." Kevin added. "Betty, your choices?" Betty blinked like she had just woken up. "Everything OK, B?" Veronica asked. "Yeah, yeah. Im just thinking. um....Maybe 'Rebel without a cause?'" Everyone looked at you next, and you shrugged helplessly. "Rebel without a cause sounds good to me."

Veronicas mom came over and set down a basket of fried something or other in front of Veronica. Veronica smiled. "Thanks mom."

Kevin opened his mouth to bring up a new topic but was cut off by cheryl slamming her hand on top of Veronicas mothers a few tables over and glaring at her. "Be sure to put all* of that cash in the register. You are a Lodge, after all--" Veronica got up and started towards Cheryls table. "--and Lodges are known to have sticky fingers."

"oh no" you whispered under your breath. this had the possibility to be bad. "Cheryl." Veronica stated warningly, but her mother put up a finger to stop her.

"Honey I got this. Cheryl, I went to school with your mother. She didnt know the difference between having money and having class either." Veronica practically beamed with pride, while you tried to suppress a laugh at the look on Cheryls face. Veronica slid back into the booth just as the chime on the door jingled. 

Kevins eyes widened slightly, "now thats* an odd combo of people."  

The four of you followed kevins gaze and saw Archie, ms. Grundy, and Archies father walk through the door. "Ill be right back." Betty said while sliding out of the booth.

"Betty, no. dont." Jughead grabbed for Bettys arm but she was already on her way over to the group. You stared in confusion at Jughead and Bettys strong reaction to Archie and Ms.Grundy walking in together. She seemed nice enough, you didnt take any of her classes and didn't know her well you only really knew what Doily had revealed at the blue and Gold office. And then it clicked Archie had been AT Sweetwater river July fourth, and from what Dilton had told you so had Ms. Grundy, but you had never considered they were there together, that was so...oh god.

From the look of horror or shock on your face, Jughead seemed to follow your thought process and shot you a 'I'll explain later' look.

Kevin leaned back into his face his gaze flicking between you, Jughead, and Bettys retreating figure. "Wait, whats happening?" You and Jughead ignored him as you watched Betty and Archie exchange a few words and then head outside. You slid into Bettys now vacant seat next to Jughead to get a better view out the window. This was all about to come crashing down around Archies head, and like watching a trainwreck you couldnt look away. Even as unease and disgust was causing your stomach to flip.

"Whats happening out there? Do we know? Is it about me?" Veronica shot off rapid fire questions at Jughead as Kevin peered out the window. Jughead slumped down in his seat, his face contorted into unease. "I have a strong inkling and no, Also I'd let it go." "Yes, but you're you, and I'm me. You do you, girl. Ill be back." Veronica said while getting up from the booth with a lighthearted smile. "Veronica. You really should just let it drop." You added in an attempt to stop her from going.

Veronica just smiled at you mischievously and walked out the door into the parking lot. Jughead sighed and rolled his eyes. Kevin leaned in and looked at Jughead, "What was it like before she got here? I honestly cannot remember."

You laughed lightly, a slight hint of darkness clouding your eyes. "You mean Riverdale wasn't always straight out of a soap opera? Somehow I find that hard to believe." your words were dripping with sarcasm and a hint of bitterness.

Kevin just smiled awkwardly and turned his attention back to the window. You closed your eyes and leaned back into the vinyl of the seat and let out a long sigh. You were torn between just fleeing this insane town ASAP or punching Ms. Grundy in the face...or maybe just having her arrested...and then punching Archie in the face for once again being an idiot. All options sounded pretty good. When you opened your eyes Kevin was gone and Jughead was staring at you. "I'm not going to rat Archie out, Jughead. If thats what you're worried about somehow I think that would just hurt everyone worse." you offered quietly while switching to the other side of the booth.

"I wasn't worried about that. you just looked queasy." he replied. You sighed and ruffled a hand through your hair. "Student-teacher relationships Jughead. its sick. I know Archie is your friend, But its so, so,* wrong. And its all just about to get worse as far as I can tell." Jughead nodded and dropped his gaze down to the table. you grabbed a pen from the table and flicked it back and forth between your fingers, watching absentmindedly while it spun. An uneasy silence filled the air around the booth. "do you mind? if...if I hang out here for awhile longer? I dont want to go home yet." you asked quiety, your gaze on a small dent in the table. Jughead smiled, "As long as youre buying." he joked.

you grinned, "Paying you in food to hang out. its a little hookerish, but you have a deal Jones."

You grabbed your sketchbook that you had thrown in your backpack, and Jughead pulled out his laptop from his bag under the table. You both spent the next few hours in a comfortable silence, only talking occasionally to order a refill on a milkshake or get another round of food. At around 1am you finally had to tap out, your eyes were starting to close by themselves and it was getting harder for you to stay awake. You packed up your belongings and slipped on your jacket, Jughead looked up from his laptop. "Hey Jughead, I'm gonna head home now. My goldfish probably misses me." you smiled sleepily at your own semi-joke.

"Your goldfish, and not your parents?" Jughead asked. which would be a fair question, not many people would let their kid stay out so late.

"My goldfish is the only one missing me at home." you said quietly, your gaze averting from his. Jughead shut his laptop, before slipping it back into his bag.

"I know the feeling" Jughead said softly, his eyes cold. You didnt pry, it was obviously a touchy subject. So you grabbed your backpack and paid the tab the two of you had racked up shaking off the heavy tension, and headed towards the door, but Jugheads voice stopped you. "See you at school tomorrow (y/n)?" You smiled at him, "Count on it."

The next morning as you walked past the blue and gold offices an arm shot out and pulled you into the room. You stumbled and twirled around to see a nervous Betty wringing her hands, and waiting for you to get your bearings. "Betty! what the hell?" you said annoyed.

Betty looked around nervously before closing the door, "Sorry (y/n) I just need your help with something. I have something to tell you about Ms. Grundy and its--"

"That she and Archie are...dating?" you cut Betty off, cringing at the last word. She gaped at you, "You know about that?" You nodded, "I figured it out at pops the other night...wait, about that, is there something else?"

Betty walked over to her computer and gestured for you to follow, "Yeah look at this-" Betty pulled up a Bunch of tabs, all different social media accounts of Geraldine Grundy. "-everything about her was made around the same time, a year ago. before that Geraldine Grundy doesn't exist."

"...shit. Does Archie know?" you asked as ran a hand through your hair, sighing loudly..

"No. Im meeting him at Pops after school, I'm going to tell him then." Betty replied.

"Betty why are you telling me this?" "I just wanted a impartial third party to confirm that I wasn't being totally crazy about this social media thing." Betty said.

"Look Betty its super sketchy, but be careful. This whole Archie and Grundy bullshit is going to come crashing down Don’t get caught in the mess."

Later that day, you were sitting at the kitchen table working on biology homework when a knock sounded at your front door. You stood up from the wooden chair with a sigh and padded across the tiled kitchen floor into the living room, and then to the front door. You opened the door to see Jughead standing on your porch.

"I need your help, noone will listen to the concerns of one disgruntled employee, and you're the only other person in this town who cares the starlight is closing." he had his arms crossed, but his face was pleading. an odd mix of vulnerable and guarded.

"Hello to you too, yes this is a new shirt thanks for noticing, I'm also sorry for missing you at school." you paused but Jughead didn't respond. You sighed."Of course I'll help Jughead." You grabbed his arm and pulled him with you into the kitchen. "Do you have a plan?"

Jughead glanced around your kitchen, taking in the wood paneled floors and the weird mint green cupboards the previous owners had installed. "I want to appeal to Mayor McCoy directly, show her there are people other than addicts and thugs that frequent the drive in." Jughead started, but you cut him off.

"I take it im the 'people' in this scenario? you know for all you know I could be an addict AND a thug...I mean, I'm not. but wouldn't Betty be better for this? I’m kind of an unknown in this town."  you said sarcastically as you hopped up on your kitchen counter.

Jughead stared at you from across the room. "Bettys distracted with the whole Archie and Grundy thing-" You grimaced. "-But, it doesn't matter, Betty doesn't go to the drive-in. you do. So we'll show her normal highschool kids show up, not just Riverdales 'criminal element'."

You pushed yourself off the countertop and grabbed your jacket from the back of a wooden chair where you had flung it earlier. "Alright. lets go." You and Jughead walked side by side to city hall, going over your strategy. so far the plan was use you as a prime example of the twilights redeeming qualities and if that failed, wing it.

When you got to city hall, the mayors secretary waved you in while she chatted on the phone. You trailed behind Jughead. The mayor was moving around her office flipping through papers. "Mayor McCoy you cant close the Twilight Drive-in."  Jughead piped up before the mayor could say anything "Its a staple of this town!"  You nodded along.

She moved to stand behind her desk, "I'm sorry, but the Twilight Drive in? Its a blight thats become a cesspool! And a hangout for criminals and transients." she took a seat in the red leather chair and continued to flip through her papers. "And normal highschool students! Im there almost every weekend." You shot back from next to the scale model of the town. annoyance biting at your words. The mayor smiled at you tightly, like a parent trying to get their child to behave in public. "Look kids, The deals done. Andrews construction is set to demolish the lot on monday."

You narrowed your eyes slightly at her. You were pissed beyond belief, but you had no idea what to say. 

Jughead bit his lip and glanced down, bouncing slightly. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up to the mayors desk. "Mayor McCoy, when I was a kid, my family and I would go to the drive-in all the time.- " She finally put down her papers and crossed her arms, leaning on her desk, giving Jughead her full attention. "-We couldn't afford tickets for everyone...so my sister, Jellybean, and I would hide in the trunk until we parked. we'd sneak out." He shook his head slightly at the last part. your heart broke for him as he looked the mayor in the eye again, his expression pleading."It's like my home."

The mayor glanced away and then looked at him again. "Thats a very sweet sentiment, Mr. Jones. But the future of Riverdale is at stake." her expression and voice were almost kind, but there was an edge of condescension in every word. Jughead shook his head and stood up from the chair, heading straight for the door.

"Jughead!" you called after him. but he didn't stop. You turned to face the mayor and gave her the best glare you could manage before running after Jughead. You headed out the double doors of the mayors office to see Jughead disappearing around the corner, The floorboards creaked softly as you jogged to catch up with him.

"Jughead, wait!" you called after him again, your voice echoing through the empty hallway. He finally paused and turned to face you. "I'm sorry." you said, there was nothing else you could say. you could tell he was hurting, and you had no idea how to help.

"Thanks for trying." was all Jughead said before he walked away again. And this time you didn't follow. 

That Friday night you trailed behind Kevins truck in yours, his truck only had two seats so you had to take yours. He and Veronica parked and you took the spot next to them, the three of you immediately climbed out of your vehicles and started setting up the blankets. the spots around you started quickly filling up as just about every person in Riverdale arrived in the gravel lot for the Twilights final showing. 

Kevin and Veronica settled in as you pulled out your sketchbook, an empty page staring back at you, but you had a plan for it. You grabbed your pencil and started recording what you saw in graphite and paper, The twilights curtain call. The people of riverdale moving around you, the soft glow of the screen, casting everything in shadows. You knew things were happening around you; Cheryl climbing in with Kevin and Veronica, Bettys mom showing up and dragging off Archies dad. But you were focused on this scene, not anyone elses.  

For almost two hours you sketched, shaded, and erased. until you had something that reflected what you were trying to capture. You carefully tore it from your sketchbook as the movie began to roll the credits in the background. You folded the page and scrawled a note on the back.

'a little piece of home. --(y/n)'

As people started to pack up their things and go home, you walked to the projector house and looked at the paper in your hands again, the words on the back staring back at you as you slipped the drawing under the door and knocked, before turning and walking away to join the line of people leaving the drive in for the last time.

But even as you climbed into your truck, you couldn't shake the feeling the twilight drive-in wouldn't be the only thing changing in Riverdale.

Tags list: @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @deanackles67 @thejourneyofabrokenheart @bbyhansol143 @half-and-halfxx @yummyphoenix39 @scrolling-my-life away @littlefrenchbird

[agentharrisonofshield-a]

24. Would you recommend Discworld to a friend? Why or why not? (xP I CHEAT SUE ME)

Salty Ask List@whorunwithwolves​

Bitch, not only have I recommended Discworld to many friends, one of them has been in possession of like three of my books for 17+ years now.  She keeps promising to give them back.  I’ve told her to just keep them at this point; I’ve already bought replacements.  So that’s how long I’ve been recommending Discworld to people.  

As for why...

I mean, the books are hilarious.  Mort was my introduction (we were doing the play my sophomore year of high school and my friends were playing Albert and Ysabelle) and it was just.  Hilarious.  Like.  Even if you don’t know the background of Death trying to be human, the whole concept of “Death attempts to take an apprentice and things go Terribly Wrong” is hilarious.  I read my friend’s script before I bought the book, and when I read the book I was just In Love.  The satire.  The asides.  The humor.  Pratchett’s gift for language and memorable phrases was unlike anything I’d ever come across before, and I was just In Love.  And when I picked up my second book, it was just as good.  And so was the third.  And the fourth.  And all of them.

The books are also serious.  The second book I ever picked up, because I was at the airport on my way to visit my aunt and I’d just finished Mort, was Small Gods.  And jfc I cannot even talk about some of the points that book makes about religion without getting choked up because when I was 15 and unsure about my faith but sure I didn’t like the behind-the-scenes politics of my church, that book spoke to me on a level no book had ever spoken to me before.  It’s actually one of the books I reread the least, because the memories and emotions it evokes are just too real.  But forget Small Gods.  Let’s talk about our beloved Sam Vimes and his alcoholism, which the books don’t shy away from, whether it’s him laying in the gutter in Guards! Guards! or a casual mention of him picking up a glass of juice instead of wine at a public function later in the City Watch storyline.  Let’s talk about the bisexual politics behind Angua (is she a wolf?  Is she a woman?  NO SHE’S A FUCKING WEREWOLF NO MATTER WHAT SHAPE SHE’S IN).  Or the gender politics behind Cheery Littlebottom deciding to wear some makeup or a skirt that’s about as sexy as a plank of wood.  Let’s talk about Angua dead seriously telling her lover/boyfriend/technical legit heir to the throne of Ankh Carrot that should she ever turn into the monster her brother did, she wants him to be the one to put her down.

The books have amazing women.  I mean, a whole subset is just about women (and Verence too I guess).  Granny, Nanny, Magrat, and Agnes are about as different as you can be but they’re all strong female characters.  Not because they carry swords and kick ass and drop witty one-liners while they do it.  But because they’re witches, and witches mean living on the line between light and dark.  Susan is just... I mean.  How do you define Susan?  You don’t, really.  You just smile at her and hope she doesn’t use The Voice on you.  Adora Belle Dearheart (do you know how long it took me to get the joke about her name?  I am ashamed)?  Deserves the nickname Spike, but that’s not why she’s a strong female character.  She’s a strong female character because she has a voice of her own, because she exists independently of the male characters, because she drives the plot along, because even she of the nickname Spike liked pink when she was 5-12 years old.  AND I MEAN THERE’S A WHOLE BOOK THAT’S ENTIRELY ABOUT AN INTERSPECIES SQUAD OF GIRLS ALL PRETENDING TO BE BOYS BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE THEIR OWN GOALS TO ACHIEVE?  OH AND LADY SYBIL.  Do not forget Lady Sybil.  Who is older and large-bodied and obsessed with dragons and has a whole cotillion of Emmas and Sarahs to help her with her Good Causes and is aware that she is older and large-bodied and therefore should wear dresses of a certain shade of blue for social events.  Oh, and who takes No Shit at all - but in a very genteel way, of course.

And I mean the satire.  The parodies.  Midsummer’s Night Dream?  Check.  Macbeth meets Hamlet?  Check.  Cinderella, not to mention everything from the 3 Little Pigs to the Hobbit?  Check.  Phantom of the Opera?  Check.  The Borgias?  Hello, Cesare.  Italian patriarchs in general?  Lord Vetinari.  The ridiculousness of war?  Jingo, Monstrous Regiment.  Wizards as the great and all-powerful beings of the fantasy world?  Yeah right, have you met Rincewind and the faculty of Unseen University?  Rock and roll?  We call it Soul Music.  Goths who think they’re vampires?  Have some vampire teenagers who call themselves ‘Albert’ and ‘Frank’ and pretend to be accountants and wear corkscrews around their necks to prove they drink wine instead of the other stuff.  I just.  There was nothing Pratchett could not deconstruct and poke fun of the parts of.  

I mean.  I don’t understand why everyone hasn’t read these books already.  They’re some of the best fantasy literature ever produced.  I mean, at Sirens not a year and theme goes by that Pratchett doesn’t get brought up as one of the male authors who Got It Right.  (Writing that in the past tense hurts me, I think I’m going to cry now).  One year someone dressed up as Tiffany, complete with little stuffed Feegles sewn to the shoulders of her dress and to the brim of her hat.  The year the theme was ‘stories retold’ I showed up at the ball in a gorgeous white sparkling dress, with shoes too big for my feet that were covered in tiny mirrors, a pair of hairy socks to make them fit, and my hair a mess.  (Anyone who gets who I was dressed up as gets hugs and love.)

Pratchett is one of the greatest authors this world has ever produced, and probably my favorite male author, hands down.  I will continue to shove his books at people until the day I die.

[hellhound-wrangler]

I have fucking had it with the people in my neighborhood who let their poorly trained, deeply obnoxious dogs run around uncontrolled. Tonight was the fourth time we’ve been run at by loose dogs who were out in their lawn (usually with their people but not always) as we walked. This time it was some kind of lab who was very friendly but also very rude and jumped all over Ripley and I. It’s useless dipshit owners couldn’t be bothered to get off their worthless asses to actually come get their fucking dog (it ran through some bushes separating the yard from the road), so they were just calling “Lady, come here Lady” over and over again while Lady blithely ignored both their recall attempts and my yelling at her to go away. I mean, if nothing else, you’d think a stranger bellowing “Shoo! Get the fuck away from us!” would inspire them to come and do something about their dog, but no, that would require actually . I finally gave up and shoved her shoulder as she jumped on Ripley’s head again while calling her a bad dog, which finally did the trick.

Like, I’m not mad at the dog, once I realized a fight wasn’t going to break out (Rip did better than she did in AZ, possibly because the dog ran up so closely that the leash wasn’t preventing her from reaching it, possibly because she was no longer in heat), but I’m incredibly pissed at the owners. Like, do they just...not know that it;s dangerous for their dog to sprint across a road and tackle a strange dog? Luckily no cars were coming and Ripley is still pretty friendly with other dogs, but jfc that could have gone so badly.

Other than responding to Lady’s play, Ripley did a great job with distractions on our walk, She got interested in people on a porch, but once I asked her to sit, she barely glanced at them before she settled in to watching me intently and unwaveringly. The little kids running around and yelling were a little too exciting for her to look at me at all, much less sit and play LaT, but when I told her “let’s go, she came with me and only glanced over her shoulder at them a few times, but didn’t stop or pull back towards them. I’m really proud of her progress!

[junketsonasadplanet]

A Field Guide to Journalism

The Fourth Estate - journalism - is a central pillar for modern democracies now that the internet age is no longer a “flash in the pan,” research tool, or means of communication but instead an entire digital alter-ego for a generation. A means and medium of expression; a boundless, dangerous sea new to human experience whose swift movements change our perception of information. More placid waters no longer entice, the slow-moving panopticon of democracy’s policy-making needs to be translated and emphasized against a torrential flood of amusement.

Start by making a Twitter account. No one uses Facebook for news, only fucking boomers use Facebook. “I use the ‘Book,” some fucking boomer is saying while wearing sandals and flipping a burger on the grill, “it’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” A CNN editor rubs their hands together. That’s what they’ll run with, “the ‘Book is how today’s grandparents stay in touch!”

That’s perfect because CNN/FOX/MSNBC - pick your poison they’re basically the same - are competing for the main demographic of long term coma victims and retirement homes leaving the channel on the TV in the day room. “It’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” is echoing under humming fluorescent light to an audience of failing kidneys, lung cancer, and stroke victims who are staring at each other. Imagine knifing two Vietnamese in a tunnel and forty years later you’re getting abused by your Dominican nurse who steals your pocket change and slaps you when you don’t take pills. People don’t hate boomers because they ran the planet and economy into the fucking dust they hate them because they’re pathetic.

We’re still talking about how to find a good news source so hang on. The generation of unbridled wealth and power fucked up everything they touched and are slackjawed now staring at the desert of reality, either that or Facebook. Your grandson OD’d because he mixed Oxy and Everclear? Hit that share button saying you’ve got an angel waiting for you in Heaven. People shit themselves when they mix like that. Imagine an Angel in its gown with shit running down its leg. CNN doing 24/7 coverage of Zuckerberg during the Cambridge Analytica trial in Senate with a well-hidden earbud. Now look concerned. No, little more deeply concerned, avoid some eye contact and unfocus your eyes while staring at the ground. Okay, now start to look determined. Look at the Senate - do not smile - look at each Senator in turn and tell them you are taking action to prevent fake news from spreading on your platform.

Zuckerberg is taking classes on how to look more human/relatable, catastrophically failing. We had to get a remote operator with a Berkeley M.S. in psychology to feed him cues. The dude cannot understand how to express emotion. It’s crazy. We tried showing him shock footage and he got a hard-on. A full blown mast watching a guy get beat to death with bricks.

Zuckerberg cannot convey basic human emotion and gets a boner knowing he employs vast amounts of people whose only job is to screen “offensive content” on Instagram and Facebook. Contractors in Phoenix, Arizona, some in Hollywood, Florida and Austin, Texas who are paying rent watching cartel executions and child porn. Automated systems immediately flag undistorted footage so the uploaders distort it or create new footage. If you’re reading this and waiting to hear about modern journalism then so is a contractor now watching the same footage of someone get their head beat in.

At the Phoenix branch of Facebook, Inc, they have a sign for “Days Since We Saw the Funkytown Execution Video” that never goes to 1. Some ingenious motherfucker will reverse the video or overlay it into an anime AMV and upload to Instagram while tagging every “social influencer” he can. I spoke to him once, he told me the most popular was “Redbone but you’re Mexican” where the Funkytown song in the background as they hack a man’s hands off while injecting him with methamphetamine so he can’t pass out so his stumps try to touch his face while some cartel goon peels the skin off his head is instead replaced by the muffled sound of “Redbone” by Childish Gambino.

Facebook is breeding an ingenious mutt race of some very efficient serial killers, conspiracy theorists, but mostly of people who will claim PTSD and join lawsuits against the Zuck so they can claim peanuts while the tort lawyers bring half a billion home and masturbate on Twitter that they have taken a major stand against a worldwide corporation that they use to try to talk to their grand-kids. No one who is a lawyer or social media influence or Mark Zuckerberg has a soul so they sleep pretty well.

Now, back to Twitter. You may have an account already. Undergo basic SMS verification if not and follow @MaggieNYT.

Don’t read any article she posts or retweets. It’s all the same beltway circlejerk anyways. You, as an elite member of an inner circle, are there for the comments. Most of @MaggieNYT’s followers are caught in a hate cycle of following her and insulting her in comments. You enabled Trump, they shout. Yeah, a liberal Brooklyn Jew is the reason why Donald Trump was elected. The ADL is legislating for hate crime laws protecting Jewish public figures and important journalists, whose Venn diagram is a circle.

Full disclosure: I’m saying this as a Jew. I’m attempting to define how to find #GOODNEWS in a world of #FAKENEWS which is fatally important in order to preserve our democracy. This is an important conversation we must undertake in light of historic persecution of my race. No one likes Haberman but she #PERSISTS despite being a punching bag.

@MaggieNYT’s Twitter is single-handedly the cause for a significant rise in anti-Semitism. You show an average person Henry Kissinger enthusiastically masturbating to child porn while authorizing the overthrow of democracies and the sale of weapons to fascist governments then lock them in a room where their only content is @MaggieNYT’s tweets and see which one wants 2020 to look like 1940 quicker.

The good news is that journalism is being rapidly overtaken by Markov-bots which dissect the salient #BUZZWORDS and generates a publishable text. That’s the future of journalism. Not just Markov chains of seemingly deep insight but they’ll innovate by having attractive women half-naked and bleach blonde narrating the whole thing. That’s the future. Naked News is already a thing, God bless, but pretty soon the whole world will look like Twitter. Nude women talking about viral pandemics and religious insurrection while they lightly press a vibrator between their legs and wink at the camera.

Are you upset by this future? You live in it, but it’s okay to have your opinion. We’ll have a body dysphoric person as part of the Markov chain designed to make you feel better. You can watch a larger women masturbate while she tells you that Hubei is a ghost town. Or a trans-woman, a white/black/latino male, a Muslim. That is how you distinguish #REALNEWS from #FAKENEWS. Maggie has little chance in the oncoming environment which relies on a degree of sex appeal and brevity. Most of her readers are actively imagining how good her lipstick would look on a curb.

It would be a shame if someone activated a ***** **** {redacted} in New York or Los Angeles or Palo Alto. The land would be uninhabitable for a decade at least. You would see a vast steppe land of disintegrating buildings and corpses. How terrible if someone found how easy it was to make […] {redacted, jfc get on track, we’re talking about modern journalism}.

[penguinsare-gay]

info under the cut b/cause jfc that's a lot of info

Full Name: Hasley Emily Tomith

Nickname(s): shadow, whisper

Creepypasta Name: shadow whisper

How Did They Get This Name and Why: it's actually a nickname that a kid made up for her b-cause they couldn't pronounce her real name, she liked the ring, and didn't like her own name as much so, she just sorta called herself that

Gender: female

Age: 14

Date of Birth: 1/2/1953

Place of Birth: hospital

Race/Species: ghost

Native language: english

Languages spoken: english

Orientation/Sexual Preference: a-sexual

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Religion: none

Occupation (before becoming a Pasta): none

Are They Dead: yes

If Yes, How’d They Die: Robbery gone wrong

Date of Death: 5/6/1967

Place of Death: her home's kitchen

~MEDICAL INFO~

medical issue(s): thrombocytopenia (thin blood)

Blood type: a-

Mental Disorder: none

Phobia(s):

Aichmophobia (fear of sharp objects)

Allergies: none

Habits: tapping her fingers against things

Powers/Special Abilities: manipulating shadows, invisibility

~APPEARANCE~

Height: 5'4

Weight: 115 pounds

Hair color: dark gray

Hairstyle: neatish

Eye color: blue and shiz

Piercings: none

Tattoos: none

Scars/Weird Marking(s): two stab marks on her chest. two in her gut area

Birthmark: none

Skin: grey

Clothing/Style: blue nightgown (she can change her clothing, but prefers to keep on the nightgown

Jewelry/Accessories: none

Weapon(s): shadows

Physical Disorder/Disability: she's missing her arm, and an eye

Never Seen Without: stab wounds-

Other: she lost her arm a few weeks before her murder in an unrelated accident, she can't see through her missing eye, and her eye was lost during the struggle

~PERSONALITY~

Overall: despite her given situation she is up-beat and cheerful, smiling and laughing despite, ya know, being dead

Likes: playing, tea, pain medicine, lammas, small animals, locks, blade covers, classical music, dark rooms, back when she didn't realize "hey! I'm dead"

Dislikes: robbers, crashing noises, glass breaking, mirrors, her reflection, change, people she doesn't know sharp objects, killers, dark colors Backstory: It's not complete but I'll sum it up better than I usually do Hasely was homeschooled her entire life, due to that she almost never left her house. She also had no friends, hanging with her siblings, who unlike her went to normal school. Her parents had never said why she didn't go to a normal school, that didn't keep her from asking though. One night Hasely had woken up thirsty, she was half asleep so the sound of crunching glass didn't register until she had entered the kitchen. By that time the intruder had taken notice of the 14 year old. The intruder had freaked out not knowing anyone was home, and grabbed a knife from the kitchen. Next thing both of them knew Hasely had been stabbed three times. The intruder had attempted to stab again, but by that time Hasely had woken up enough to struggle. Causing the knife to stab her eye opposite from her missing arm. The intruder attacked again, out of strength from blood loss, a fourth stab and Hasely fell.

Most Prized Possession: nothing

Flaws: 1: when the reality of something bad hits her she lashes out and causes damage

Pet Peeve:

Worst Way To Die: bleeding to death

Best Way To Die: in sleep

Worst Way To Kill: bleeding

Best Way To Kill (how they kill): she despises killing, that isn't to say she doesn't have a body count, sed body count at one

Targets To Killing: again she doesn't kill

Others:

1: She thinks that the youngest child of the family is her little sister

2: she does actually get out of her home, about maybe 300 years later it burnt down so the seal keeping her there got shattered, she was free to roam around and get a lot of, unsavory nicknames

Motto(s): (she doesn't have a set motto as of now, so it's more things she says often)

"i guess you could say i'm, a shadow in the whisper, ey? EYYY? ... kill me pls"

"haha WOAH BUDDY CHILL YOU CAN'T KILL A GHOST"

"are you dead? no? phew! thought i killed you... omgiamsosorryplsdon'thateme"

"scuse' me? the guy who _insert not really serious crime here_ should be put to jail for life... I WAS MURDERED!"

"No good sir i did NOT get my cup of water"

Crush/Greatest Love: none (never)

Theme Song: deja vu _vocaloid_

Battle Song: none

Seiyuu (Voice Actor/Actress): (up to you) Freinds: (ask) enemys: (ask) story: her stories in the profile, but this is just something related to her. The first few pages aren't serious.

[absolutelyalyssa]

i cannot fucking WAIT until i live on my own because jfc i HATE having roommates, even if i have my own bedroom.

literally every year i’ve ever had a roommate, there have problems.

see:

freshman yr: lived with 5 girls in a suite at an overpriced private college in downtown boston and all five of them were elitist, rich, snobby, entitled, annoying, and sometimes just downright mean. (not to me, but to one of the other roommates, whom they all collectively bullied for no reason--and although i didn’t like that particular girl either, i’m on the best terms with her now out of the five of them because at least she wasn’t mean.) ALSO, it didn’t help that they ran completely opposite sleep schedules as me, so they would stay up all night every night when i was trying to sleep (and i don’t go to bed early by any means)...and the next day I would have to tiptoe around because they would sleep until 2 pm or later. i wish this was an exaggeration, but it isn’t. did they do much learning or go to class? that’s a no from me.

sophomore year 1st semester: actually, these girls were OK to live with at the time...but after I transferred colleges things got ugly (this overpriced private college in downtown boston was too much money for me even with a scholarship and student loans--i would have ended up with about 150k in debt if i’d continued going there). basically i transferred at semester at the very last second so the girls were salty because a random girl apparently took my place the next semester. we all thought they’d have an empty space because it was so last-minute but i forgot, this overpriced private school is ~sooo elite~ so everyone wants to go there and live on-campus so of course within a week after i left they had a stranger taking up that empty spot. it’s really not my fault but to this day those girls are bitter with me. not my fault i don’t want to go to your bullshit school anymore. i left my speakers in the suite last year and recently i texted one of the girls asking if i could have them back but she straight-up didn’t respond to me. so i guess i’m never getting those back, which is cool.

sophomore year 2nd semester: since i transferred so last-minute i was stuck with a random group of girls--go figure, in a suite again--and ironically, although i liked two of them, it was the girl whose room i was actually sharing that i didn’t like. apparently the three of them were all best friends and the fourth friend was studying abroad in paris, so i was taking that girl’s place while she was gone. it was very clear from the beginning that i was a replacement, and nothing more than that. none of them really made an attempt to even TRY to get to know me. like i said, two of them were nice enough, but we were never really friends. and my roommate, well...let’s just say that she had a tendency not to flush the toilet. she was pretty bitchy and standoffish towards me, probably because i was sleeping in her bestie’s bed and she was bitter because she wanted the room to herself and got stuck with a random. which i get, but don’t take it out on me. i don’t like the arrangement any more than you do--i wanted a single, for fuck’s sake. luckily she was out a lot of the time so i didn’t have to deal with her that much, but when i did have to, i was filled with dread. she just always gave me such an icky feeling, like i was unwanted. i was always under the impression she talked shit about me to people. i was never mean to her but i wasn’t the friendliest, either. i was only giving what i was receiving--you know how it is.

junior year: i’m now in a beautiful apartment and i have my own bedroom, which is awesome. i’m so fucking thankful. that being said, i still hate the roommates i have, save for one who is a good friend of mine, but of course he’s the only one who’s NEVER home. i’ve got the girl i share a bathroom with, who is very nice when you talk to her but she’s fake as fuck and her girlfriend is over practically every day. technically, the lease says you’re only allowed to have people overnight three times a week, and she definitely pushes that limit. my roommate is probably home about three days a week, and whenever she is there, her girlfriend is, too. my friends and i laugh about it because it’s pretty hilarious how they’re the second oldest in the house (23) and yet they can’t spend a second apart, like they’re fucking children and they can’t function on their own or something. whenever my roommate isn’t home, those other three or four days, she’s at her girlfriend’s house. they literally don’t spend a day apart...it’s actually fucking pathetic. i also don’t remember signing up for sharing a bathroom with THREE people. her girlfriend’s stuff is always taking up the counter space. i wouldn’t care that much except that her girlfriend is completely rude to me, my friend who i mentioned that’s never home, and my boyfriend, THE FUCKING LANDLORD’S SON. it’s laughable, actually. my actual roommate is sweet as pie but her girlfriend is quite literally her foil--won’t smile, and won’t even say hi to you if you say hi to her. the girl has a lot of nerve considering my boyfriend has the power to keep her from ever coming over again, but that’s none of my business, right? oh, yeah, and another fun thing is that their room has the fire escape door in it, and it’s only supposed to be used for emergencies but they constantly use it to sneak in and out of the house. it locks from the outside so i imagine they keep the door propped. isn’t it cool when people leave the door open so any stranger can just walk in? there’s a reason why i lock my bedroom door whenever i leave no. not having my stuff stolen just because my roommate leaves her door open so her booty call can come up whenever. they’re probably the most inconsiderate tenants that i live with. and technically, one of them isn’t a tenant, but she could fool anyone. it also doesn’t help that because this roommate is always gone, she uses it as an excuse to not do anything around the house. no toilet paper in the bathroom? business trip. oh, the floors haven’t been swept in a while? won’t be back for another week, sorry. she pretends she’s so busy and important when she’s still in an entry-level job. we don’t even know who she works for but she pretends it’s this elite company or something. she always says she's going on “business trips” and says she’ll be gone for a week, but then i catch her coming home a day later, dashing to her room to grab something, and dashing back out a minute later hoping nobody will notice. yeah, she’s got business trips, all right...lesbian business. which, ok, i’m bisexual myself--just don’t pretend you’re something you’re not. that is--don’t pretend you’re an adult with “business” to attend to when you’re really just at your girlfriend’s house, shooting the shit. don’t pretend you’re an adult when you’re an immature, irresponsible child whose immediate gratifications are more important than breaking the lease. and the whole time, of course, she pretends she’s the mature one in the house, acting like she’s got so much to do. one time she was keeping her bike inside the house when that’s against the lease and the landlord told her to move it outside. she didn’t listen and two weeks later, the landlord got stern with her--not even mean, stern--and she replied that she was busy and that she’d move it in a week when she got back from a “trip”. she got back and it was still there. the landlord got very aggressive this time, obviously, because she’s breaking the lease and he told her twice. and then after all that, she had the nerve to text him that she was “having a good time with my friends on a saturday night” and that “seeing a message like this really ruined my evening :/” as if he should be ashamed or feel guilty for spoiling HER night. as if she doesn’t regularly spoil everyone else’s nights with her girlfriend’s bitchy unwanted presence. yeah, ok. 

then there’s the spoiled rich girl i used to be friends with when i first moved in. she hung out with my friends and i, no problem, and suddenly she decided she didn’t like us anymore and began to just ignore us. she’s a fucking photography student--and nothing wrong with that, of course--but every weekend when we asked her to hang out, she’d say that she was way too busy with schoolwork. she would always claim she needed to “go home” (her parents’ house is about half an hour away from school and the apartment) on weekends to take pictures for homework assignments, but that never made much sense because if anything, she has way more potential for art projects here because we’re just outside downtown boston. her parents house is in the middle of fucking nowhere--i guess she just takes pictures of trees for all her assignments, right? nah. she goes home so she can spend time with her degenerate boyfriend who dropped out of community college TWICE--not because he couldn’t afford it or he wasn’t smart, but because he was too lazy to do the work and just didn’t want to go to class. he’s a manager at CVS, so he’s obviously very important and is only available on weekends. funny, now that he doesn’t go to school, half the time he’s just hanging out at the apartment in her room even when she’s not home, just twiddling his thumbs or whatever. she used to always say she hated his friends, and yet whenever she went home “to take pictures for her assignments” she would be posting snapchats and instagram posts with them. but yeah, she’s too busy for us. i never used to judge her for being a photography student, but now that she’s decided to be bitchy for no reason, i can’t help but laugh at how pathetic she is. the only reason she does it at all is because she’s got rich parents whose money she can fall back on if her career as an instagram photographer falls through. :) must be nice. but beyond that, she really just is kind of a shitty and cowardly person. she doesn’t confront anyone--she’s the type to just avoid people and hope that the problem resolves itself. i should have known from the beginning, really, because last year her friend wanted to rent the apartment with her but just randomly stopped replying to the landlord’s messages. couldn’t even be bothered to say “thanks, but no thanks”. later on when we confronted him, he claimed he was having problems with depression and anxiety. i would sympathize, but shit, i’ve gone through that too, and that’s no fucking excuse for ghosting on the fucking LANDLORD. it truly is childish, no matter the circumstances. it takes about five seconds to say “sorry but no thanks, i’m no longer interested”. seriously. if she’s friends with people like that, i should have known she was like that, too. guess we’re finding out the hard way. lately, her boyfriend has been coming over late at night, even during weeknights, and they stay up until 3 am smoking pot with her bedroom window cracked. i’m a smoker myself, but even i am not stupid enough to open windows with the heat on in the middle of winter. it can freeze the pipes, and it jacks up the heat bill--the past two months we’ve each had to pay about 40 bucks for heat when we were using the same amount of heat in october and paying 15 bucks each--and there’s five of us so you can imagine how big that heat bill is. i know it’s this girl who’s causing it to rise because we are at school or work half the time and aren't using the heat that much comparatively to other homes. this is also the same person who cranks the heat up at night, of all times, because little miss princess gets cold at night. makes no damn sense, because when you’re sleeping, you can’t TELL that’s it’s cold, especially when you’re buried under blankets. it’s funny that she can crank the heat up whenever, but refuses to buy a thick comforter. it’s not like she doesn’t have the money. she doesn’t care about the heat because she only has to pay 1/5 of the total, and the roommates cover the rest. why should the rest of us suffer? it means nothing to her anyway because mommy and daddy cover everything, including utilities, so it doesn’t matter to her that the heat bill is literally outrageous. oh, and i should mention that in the beginning of the year we assumed she would re-rent the apartment next year, and in november we asked her when she was re-signing only for her to basically say “oh, i’m not renting again next year, i want to live with my friends”. as if we weren't her REAL friends. who knows when we would have found that out if we hadn’t asked about it--i’ve never met someone as afraid of confrontation as her. she’s a silver spoon kid, so once again, i should have known that she wouldn’t bother to tell us she was leaving. she’s entitled to the point that she never considers anyone else’s feelings or situations. it’s me, me, me with her. in hindsight, thank fucking god she’s not re-signing, if not for the cheaper heat bill.

I realize this is getting hella long and bitchy and ranty and i don’t want my 10 porn bot followers to unfollow me so i’ll try to wrap it up.

the last roommate comparatively isn’t that bad--she’s just a walking paradox, a genius yet a complete idiot. she’s like some crazy chemistry major in grad school at a local university. she’s a TA, which is hilarious to me because when you see her, she doesn’t at all come off as authoritative. she’s petite and mousy-looking, completely innocent and soft-spoken. she’s 24 years old and she doesn’t drink, smoke, or party (which is cool), but she has no social life other than going to the lab to do research and going to bed at 9 pm on a saturday night. this is no exaggeration, either. on her 24th birthday, my friends and i brought up some cookies for her and knocked on her door at 9:45. she comes out in her pajamas looking completely exhausted and goes, “oh sorry, i was sleeping”. she takes the cookies without so much as a thank you and goes back to bed. the sad thing is, she’s bitchy but she doesn’t even intend to be--she’s just so socially awkward that she comes off that way. i don’t mean to be offensive, but i have a serious theory that she’s on the spectrum. she can function, and she’s very book-smart, but her people skills are lacking to the point that she reminds me of a high school friend who has asberger’s. if this girl has it, i wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. in the entire time i’ve known her i think she’s had a friend over one time, and that was because she was staying at that friend’s house over thanksgiving since it’s expensive to go back to nebraska or wherever the fuck her family is now. (they’re a military family so they move a lot.) one might feel bad for her--which i sometimes do--but then i remember that she can be legitimately bitchy sometimes. she’s also a complete slob. over the summer when she first moved in, i was staying at cape cod with my boyfriend, but we found out through my boyfriend’s dad (who works outside of boston for the fire department) that she didn’t know how to use the fucking garbage disposal. he also said that when he came up to the apartment to check on something (they remodelled and put in new floors over the summer) he saw that there were three giant bags of garbage in the kitchen that were just casually stacked up, and they reeked. apparently, this girl doesn’t understand the concept of taking out the trash. additionally, that same summer, she texted the landlord asking for toilet paper and then for a lightbulb, thinking an apartment was like a hotel where they provide everything. she really has no idea how the real world works to the point that it seems like a joke, but it really fucking isn’t. although admittedly she’s gotten slightly better, she’s still a complete pig. she knows it, too, but at the very least she’s smart enough to claim that she’s “always busy” with her work so that she has an excuse to be lazy and not clean up after herself. if she has enough spare time to be home at 6 sharp every night to make dinner and go to bed at 9 pm, she has five minutes to wipe down the kitchen table when she leaves crumbs behind. she still doesn’t understand the concept of cleaning up after herself after we’ve reminded her countless times. it’s a lost cause, really. in january one of the roommates and i decided to make a chore chart because it’s very clear that only a couple of us do any work around the house. we texted a picture of it in the group chat and this roommate had the gall to say “ok, but someone needs to remind me when it’s my turn to do something”. Like ?????? you're 24 years old, you’re a grown woman and we shouldn’t have to baby you???? put it in your calendar or something like the rest of us????? we shouldn’t be responsible for you?????? things like that just make me really, really glad we’re kicking her out next year. yes, kicking. like i said, she is socially inept to the extreme. in spite of none of us talking to her or giving her the time of day, she thinks we’re all friends and that we like her. she assumed she would be re-signing the lease next year. of fucking course, she looooooves the apartment. she even said that she’d be “less of a bother” next year because she will be “even busier”. she doesn’t realize that that’s the exact opposite of what any of us want. translated, her statement means that she will be going to bed even earlier, being even more of a hermit whom we must tiptoe around, and she will be even more of a slob because she will be “too busy” (lazy) to clean. besides, my boyfriend, my other friend and i have been HOPING so BADLY to make friends with at least one of the other roommates. it sucks living with people and not being friends--it makes for awkward interactions. we WERE friends with the spoiled girl, which made it so much better living with her. until she decided to leave us for a couple of her dumpy art school friends, where she’ll probably be living in a slummy apartment in a crappy boston neighborhood. hope the rats and the mold are worth saving $200 on rent and having “real” friends to live with. really, knowing how spoiled she is, i can’t WAIT to see how long she’ll last before she comes crawling back to us.

ANYWAY.

so i think i’ve aired my dirty laundry, for now. i needed to rant about these people for a while. i bitch to my boyfriend sometimes about it but he gets mad at me and says i’m too negative, too cynical, that i need to just let it go. that the little things just don’t matter. well, they matter to me, because those little things add up until i explode and someone gets upset with me. i don’t like to upset people, even if i really don’t like them. i think even people I hate have feelings and just because i hate them, doesn’t mean other people don’t like them. you know? but anyway, ranting is how i relieve that tension, how i am able to keep from self-destructing. i think from now on i need to just start writing to relieve my anger because i’m sick of my boyfriend getting mad at me for venting.

i think i’ll start a private blog on here, the kind where you need a password to get in. i’ve tried other private online writing platforms but it’s just not the same. lately i’ve been seriously hating tumblr, because it has such a shitty rep, but i love the layout, i’ll admit it. so i think that’s what i’ll do.

i started this post with a completely different idea of what i wanted to write about than what i actually did write about--but i guess that’s what writing is about, right? finding your voice and all that? whatever. this isn’t even writing, really--it’s just ranting. all i ever do on this blog now is rant. i feel sorry for the, like, 2 followers i have that are real. they probably think the worst of me because all i do is post shit like this, LOL. it’s funny because if they saw me in person i’d be the last person they’d suspect of being this bitter and angry. oh well? i don’t care anymore. i don’t have the muscle mass in my hand to hand-write all of this in a journal. besides, there’s something infinitely more satisfying from typing it all knowing it’s stream-of-consciousness because i can type as fast as i think (thank you, transcription job, for allowing my typing speed to get up to 100 wpm)

...i think that’s all i want to write about on this post, for now. i’m considering making a private blog; if i do decide to go that route, i’ll probably make one more post just as a sort of good-bye, i guess, not that anyone will really notice or care. but yeah. and if i do go that route, i’ll invite whoever reads my posts and tolerates me to have my password so they can keep reading, if they want. but i doubt that will happen. 

see y’all never

also, good riddance to you porn bot fucks, tired of reporting you all

[junketsonasadplanet]

A Field Guide to Modern Journalism

The Fourth Estate - journalism - is a central pillar for modern democracies now that the internet age is no longer a “flash in the pan,” research tool, or means of communication but instead an entire digital alter-ego for a generation. A means and medium of expression; a boundless, dangerous sea new to human experience whose swift movements change our perception of information. More placid waters no longer entice, the slow-moving panopticon of democracy’s policy-making needs to be translated and emphasized against a torrential flood of amusement.

Start by making a Twitter account. No one uses Facebook for news, only fucking boomers use Facebook. “I use the ‘Book,” some fucking boomer is saying while wearing sandals and flipping a burger on the grill, “it’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” A CNN editor rubs their hands together. That’s what they’ll run with, “the ‘Book is how today’s grandparents stay in touch!”

That’s perfect because CNN/FOX/MSNBC - pick your poison they’re basically the same - are competing for the main demographic of long term coma victims and retirement homes leaving the channel on the TV in the day room. “It’s how I keep in touch with my grand-kids!” is echoing under humming fluorescent light to an audience of failing kidneys, lung cancer, and stroke victims who are staring at each other. Imagine knifing two Vietnamese in a tunnel and forty years later you’re getting abused by your Dominican nurse who steals your pocket change and slaps you when you don’t take pills. People don’t hate boomers because they ran the planet and economy into the fucking dust they hate them because they’re pathetic.

We’re still talking about how to find a good news source so hang on. The generation of unbridled wealth and power fucked up everything they touched and are slackjawed now staring at the desert of reality, either that or Facebook. Your grandson OD’d because he mixed Oxy and Everclear? Hit that share button saying you’ve got an angel waiting for you in Heaven. People shit themselves when they mix like that. Imagine an Angel in its gown with shit running down its leg. CNN doing 24/7 coverage of Zuckerberg during the Cambridge Analytica trial in Senate with a well-hidden earbud. Now look concerned. No, little more deeply concerned, avoid some eye contact and unfocus your eyes while staring at the ground. Okay, now start to look determined. Look at the Senate - do not smile - look at each Senator in turn and tell them you are taking action to prevent fake news from spreading on your platform.

Zuckerberg is taking classes on how to look more human/relatable, catastrophically failing. We had to get a remote operator with a Berkeley M.S. in psychology to feed him cues. The dude cannot understand how to express emotion. It’s crazy. We tried showing him shock footage and he got a hard-on. A full blown mast watching a guy get beat to death with bricks.

Zuckerberg cannot convey basic human emotion and gets a boner knowing he employs vast amounts of people whose only job is to screen “offensive content” on Instagram and Facebook. Contractors in Phoenix, Arizona, some in Hollywood, Florida and Austin, Texas who are paying rent watching cartel executions and child porn. Automated systems immediately flag undistorted footage so the uploaders distort it or create new footage. If you’re reading this and waiting to hear about modern journalism then so is a contractor now watching the same footage of someone get their head beat in.

At the Phoenix branch of Facebook, Inc, they have a sign for “Days Since We Saw the Funkytown Execution Video” that never goes to 1. Some ingenious motherfucker will reverse the video or overlay it into an anime AMV and upload to Instagram while tagging every “social influencer” he can. I spoke to him once, he told me the most popular was “Redbone but you’re Mexican” where the Funkytown song in the background as they hack a man’s hands off while injecting him with methamphetamine so he can’t pass out so his stumps try to touch his face while some cartel goon peels the skin off his head is instead replaced by the muffled sound of “Redbone” by Childish Gambino.

Facebook is breeding an ingenious mutt race of some very efficient serial killers, conspiracy theorists, but mostly of people who will claim PTSD and join lawsuits against the Zuck so they can claim peanuts while the tort lawyers bring half a billion home and masturbate on Twitter that they have taken a major stand against a worldwide corporation that they use to try to talk to their grand-kids. No one who is a lawyer or social media influence or Mark Zuckerberg has a soul so they sleep pretty well.

Now, back to Twitter. You may have an account already. Undergo basic SMS verification if not and follow @MaggieNYT.

Don’t read any article she posts or retweets. It’s all the same beltway circlejerk anyways. You, as an elite member of an inner circle, are there for the comments. Most of @MaggieNYT’s followers are caught in a hate cycle of following her and insulting her in comments. You enabled Trump, they shout. Yeah, a liberal Brooklyn Jew is the reason why Donald Trump was elected. The ADL is legislating for hate crime laws protecting Jewish public figures and important journalists, whose Venn diagram is a circle.

Full disclosure: I’m saying this as a Jew. I’m attempting to define how to find #GOODNEWS in a world of #FAKENEWS which is fatally important in order to preserve our democracy. This is an important conversation we must undertake in light of historic persecution of my race. No one likes Haberman but she #PERSISTS despite being a punching bag.

@MaggieNYT’s Twitter is single-handedly the cause for a significant rise in anti-Semitism. You show an average person Henry Kissinger enthusiastically masturbating to child porn while authorizing the overthrow of democracies and the sale of weapons to fascist governments then lock them in a room where their only content is @MaggieNYT’s tweets and see which one wants 2020 to look like 1940 quicker.

The good news is that journalism is being rapidly overtaken by Markov-bots which dissect the salient #BUZZWORDS and generates a publishable text. That’s the future of journalism. Not just Markov chains of seemingly deep insight but they’ll innovate by having attractive women half-naked and bleach blonde narrating the whole thing. That’s the future. Naked News is already a thing, God bless, but pretty soon the whole world will look like Twitter. Nude women talking about viral pandemics and religious insurrection while they lightly press a vibrator between their legs and wink at the camera.

Are you upset by this future? You live in it, but it’s okay to have your opinion. We’ll have a body dysphoric person as part of the Markov chain designed to make you feel better. You can watch a larger women masturbate while she tells you that Hubei is a ghost town. Or a trans-woman, a white/black/latino male, a Muslim. That is how you distinguish #REALNEWS from #FAKENEWS. Maggie has little chance in the oncoming environment which relies on a degree of sex appeal and brevity. Most of her readers are actively imagining how good her lipstick would look on a curb.

It would be a shame if someone activated a ***** **** {redacted} in New York or Los Angeles or Palo Alto. The land would be uninhabitable for a decade at least. You would see a vast steppe land of disintegrating buildings and corpses. How terrible if someone found how easy it was to make […] {redacted, jfc get on track, we’re talking about modern journalism}.