#found this in my drafts?

[puddleorganism]

Had an epiphany back in september and decided I needed a cockatrice sona

[aussie-wbb]

[muttmoxley]

sometimes im like "wow holy shit im being really fucking annoying. i should stop talking" and then i pull out my magic 8 ball and it says "youve always been annoying and your friends chose to talk you anyways. youll be fine" and im like wow thanks magic 8 ball. and then the ogre attacks me

[katabasiss]

do you guys think jesus, the son of a carpenter, smelt the wood of the cross & temporarily thought of home

[professionalowl]

so. um. the good news is we found your boyfriend. the bad news is that, well, we sort of…dug him up…in the middle of a car park. in leicester (buckley et al. 2013). leicester, yeah. sorry. they demolished the friary he was hastily interred in when henry viii dissolved all the monasteries. you know how it is. and as it turns out, well, shakespeare was…sort of right about him. scoliosis, yeah, sorry (appleby et al. 2014). if it makes you feel any better we analysed his bones and it turns out he had a pretty high-protein diet before he died (lamb et al. 2014). and he drank so much wine that it changed their chemical composition, which we didn't know could actually happen before we analysed him (lamb et al. 2014), so he was having a good time, at least. 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Appleby, J., Mitchell, P.D., Robinson, C., Brough, A., Rutty, G., and Morgan, B. (2014). The scoliosis of Richard III, last Plantagenet King of England: diagnosis and clinical significance. Lancet 383, 1944. 

Buckley, R., Morris, M., Appleby, J., King, T., O’Sullivan, D., and Foxhall, L. (2013). ‘The king in the car park’: new light on the death and burial of Richard III in the Grey Friars church, Leicester, in 1485. Antiquity 87, pp. 519-538. 

Lamb, A.L., Evans, J.E., Buckley, R., and Appleby, J. (2014). Multi-isotope analysis demonstrates significant lifestyle changes in King Richard III. Journal of Archaeological Science 50, pp. 559-565.

[krafterwrites]

Yo mama so inactive she deactivated

[ducktollers]

if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with. Captivated by a man with big sparkly brown eyes and slutty hands and a pretty waist you may be entitled to financial compensation

[annabelle--cane]

national identities were a hoax invented by Big Nineteenth Century to sell more fascism

[posallys]

percy when someone asks who's the head councilor of the poseidon cabin

[marf244]

[faustandfurious]

Basic rules for analysing fiction, an incomprehensive list jotted down in a hurry:

The protagonist isn’t always right

The protagonist isn’t always good

The protagonist isn’t always written to be relatable or likeable

The narrator isn’t always right

The narrator isn’t always good

The narrator isn’t always telling the truth

The narrator isn’t always the author

The protagonist’s moral compass, the narrator’s moral compass and the author’s moral compass are three entirely different things that only occasionally overlap

Pay attention to what characters do and not just what they say

Pay special attention when what the characters do is at odds with what they say

A lot of the time the curtains are blue for a reason. If they aren’t, you should read better books

[moonstoast]

yes & no by natalie wee

[strangerstilinski]

𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 +𝟏𝟖

you're pleasure is so important to eddie. his one goal every time you fuck is to give you the most blinding, intense orgasm possible, but once he makes you cum all bets are off. that's when he really lets loose because then he's just chasing his own end. his whole weight comes down against you. crushes you beneath him and it's slick and warm with your combined sweat and his thrusts get wild, earth shatteringly hard. just plowing home in desperate search of release and it's so goddamn overstimulating, his hips slamming little ah ah ah's out of you with every frantic hump

you can practically feel his moans echoing in your skull, hardly dulled by his face buried in the pillows beneath you, his sweat-damp curls tickling at your face

and oh man.. thinking about him just pressing you so deep into the mattress. he's so sweaty. it's hard to keep ahold of him, your fingers scramble, nails biting into his slippery skin in an effort to keep him in your grasp. you can barely breathe, you're still winded from your orgasm and he's laying on top of you, he's panting and whining into your neck, POUNDING into you so so desperately because shit he's close

his thrusts get erratic but simultaneously harder and so much more powerful. his balls are slapping your ass and it's sloppy. it's loud. he's making noises into your ear that have you losing your goddamned Mind

and when he finally cums? it's borderline fucking violent

his moan is practically a shout against the curve of your throat. he slams into you so hard that it pushes you up the mattress a little. it has him gripping your shoulder and hip to keep you in place m, to force your further onto his cock until you're nearly crying at how deep he is and, god, he just KEEPS CUMMING. tightening his arms and rutting into you with these little groans that practically vibrate your skull and-

[mikonez]

[nataliescatorccio]

#colin 'i am your chaperone' bridgerton

[aces-to-apples]

Being a sex-positive personally-sex-repulsed ace is weird cuz like reading about sex? Awesome. Writing about sex? Not much more intolerable than writing about anything else. Sex is good. Sex is normal. Sex is only as important as you let/want it to be. Kinks are natural expressions of sexuality. Sexual purity is a scam. Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. Sex work is no more exploitative than any other kind of labor. If you touch me I will throw up on you.