#found out about this from a seminar I was attending and it's So

[peevesiehasasideblog]

"I often wonder if my diagnosis makes sense. Female to male transsexual is not a very good description of what is going on. It's too neat, too chronological. Too trapped between two states, man and woman. I find neither of these possible or desirable. I need the diagnosis for the surgery but I question the link between the two. I refuse the social construct of gender and desire a flat chest. I am forced to advocate that which is arbitrary and false. If I were to diagnose myself, I often think essay would be the better term. I am a piece of writing that I want to look and sound a certain way. I have this deep impulse to sculpt and shape my body. I think of the surgeon's scalpel like the squat nib of a fountain pen, marking up and crossing out. When I write, I am trying to say something true about the world. I am trying to polish language until it vanishes, becomes a window. I am not writing for the sake of writing, I am writing to bring the world into being. Living seems to be much the same process; I am not living for the sake of living, I live in order to carve, and sculpt and incise, wax/buff/burnish, weather/age/distill myself. To do this until I am a walking transparency, making the whole world visible. And people say I am an idiot for doing this, for carving up my body. I have two long scars where my breasts have been. Two dry rivers or else a tightrope with a gap. Maybe they agree with me about the fallacious sculpting of the fallen branch. Maybe the art was done when two fatty protrusions emerged, hanging from my sternum. Maybe nothing will be as masterfully mound as the glands I excised. Nothing as masterful as my big, fat areolas, my moving, hanging milk-works. If the artist is wrong-headed, then so am I."

— Jay Bernard, 'Idiot', 2021 Edinburgh International Festival

[ssahotchnerr]

public displays of affection - aaron hotchner x reader

the aaron take on the derek/penelope workplace seminar (episode of reference: 9x12)

cw; bau!reader, established relationship, suggestiveness, small allusions to sex, fluff <3, bau family banter, aaron being mortified😭, references to the episode wc; 1.4k

"penny," you shut one of your files, placing it in your desktop organizer. "you're creating a draft."

"this is bad. oh so very very bad." she stammered, continuing to pace back and forth, "i'm just mentally preparing myself to be humiliated in front of the entire unit. for the second time, may i add. god, who blabbed this time?

"what did you even do?" spencer chimed in, his head lifting from his current read.

"i don't know." she exclaimed, an exasperated breath leaving her. "nothing out of the ordinary, so that means anything is possible. you," she pointed at morgan, who casually was making his way over to the rest of you. "we're in big trouble."

"this could be totally unrelated." jj reassured her. you agreed, giving penelope a nod and a hopeful smile. "there was no footnote on what this meeting consisted of."

"well, there was no footnote last time. and to this day, i still get asked what flarpy blunderguff means." she huffed, crossing her arms and turning towards derek. "i love you my hunk of a man, but this. this is a nightmare."

as two began rolling around, the bullpen filled in anticipation for the seminar, a light hum in the room as conversations were exchanged back and forth in waiting.

in addition, a presence soon stilled beside you. one always familiar, but surprising under the current circumstances.

"what are you doing here?" you looked up to find aaron's gentle eyes. he took a seat on the edge of your desk, just behind your chair.

meetings like these - usually below aaron's pay grade. he hadn't needed to attend the last, infamous meeting for instance, HR meetings were normally things he had prior knowledge of, or simply not worth his valuable time as unit chief.

"i got the email as well." aaron's hand found the back of your neck, his fingers comfortably kneading into your always-tense muscles. every so often, his hand would brush to your shoulder, and then back again.

"oh no," penelope slapped onto derek's arm, the smack covered up by slim buzz within the vicinity. "what did we do?"

"looks like we're about to find out." dave stated, his eyes following the woman who had just entered the bullpen, moving to the front.

the notorious HR lady of the bureau, nancy, sauntered over to the large presentation screen set before the clusters of desks. not wasting a second to get down to business, she turned toward the crowd of eager agents.

"thank you all for your attendance and time, this shouldn't take too long." she started, poised and head held high.

penelope took a deep breath.

"this afternoon's presentation," nancy clicked a button on her remote, displaying the title page. "public displays of affection."

oh no.

aaron's hand, which had continued to smooth out the stiffness in your neck, halted immediately.

"as you all- most are well and should be aware, keeping conduct professional in the workplace is a must to prevent disruptions within the environment. displays of affection - examples upcoming - can cause extreme feelings of uncomfortableness amongst your colleagues, and can be distracting nonetheless. all of which, creates a...."

just as last time, she clicked her remote. and adjacent to penelope and derek's presentation, in big letters across the top:

"hostile work environment."

derek immediately snorted under his breath, inviting others to openly laugh as well. despite the urge to shoot daggers at him, you were utterly incapable of pulling your attention away from the front.

it wasn't a top secret ordeal - everyone could infer the pair this presentation was centered around, and be correct.

"and so," nancy exhaled a breath, her eyes darting in your and aaron's shared direction for a smidge second, causing the heat to grow in your face and body. "i urge everyone to refrain from the following,"

similar to yours, aaron's face burned, comparable in color to his tie. he let out a nearly inaudible, nervous cough from above you.

"sitting on one's lap, while working on caseloads - not appropriate."

more laughter rippled through the division.

"oh god." you mumbled under your breath, uncomfortably crossing a leg over the other as your palm covered the bottom half of your face.

contrary to the present belief, aaron was a stickler on pda.

for the first few months of your relationship, he hadn't dared to touch your arm, back, anything in order to maintain such affection within the field; it was reserved for closed doors at home only. he loved you, but he wanted to uphold his reputable professional nature.

but as time moved forward and your relationship progressed, he hadn't gotten sloppy, per se, but more relaxed or lenient was a better way to put it.

some displays were accidental by habit. if he wanted to give you a quick peck, depending on the situation and setting, he would. seated beside each other, he would lovingly squeeze your thigh under the table, if you needed the encouragement or if you made him proud in some regard. if he were feeling frisky one day - sure he would do something, just to rile you up for later, to each of your benefit. so on and so forth.

and if he was initiating affection, you took that as the all-clear to do the same. in variation, of course.

so more often than not, it was in private. just not... always. and the lock on aaron's office door often came in handy for that.

"prolonged kisses in the bullpen, elevator, not appropriate."

once. you were caught once in a (very) heated kiss in the elevator.

as you and aaron cowered in embarrassment, both dave and morgan looked far too amused for their own good. the rest of the team - raised, entertained eyebrows, tossing glances to one another while trying to constrain their laughter.

nancy swallowed, as if she needed strength to deliver the next point, "grabbing one's behind when going up the stairs, not appropriate."

another mortified cough exited aaron.

she went on, giving more examples of affection aaron and you were completely guilty of. and if just one singular time wasn't enough, she went-forth on the explanation that such displays can cause a barrier within the workplace.

when you thought it would never cease, nancy finally delivered her ending statement, "save it for home people, thank you."

and with that, as well as the screen darkening, everyone disbanded, low murmurs and chuckles filling the room as each went about their usual routine.

you looked up at aaron in absolute horror, whose face was currently in his hand. but even that didn't hide the blush brewing within his face, his ears flushed wildly as well.

you reached up, grabbing his wrist to pry his hand away.

"nuh uh uh," derek grinned as he wiggled his index finger at the two of you, imitating nancy to a tee. "not appropriate."

"you hush." you got to your feet, allowing you to remove his hand more easily. you cautiously prolonged your hold, brushing your thumb across his knuckles before letting it drop. "aaron?"

his brown eyes found yours, full of embarrassment. "that was..."

"humiliating?"

he nodded, his head accelerating in speed with each nod, "yeah. that's the term i would use."

"oh you poor dears." penelope breathed out, the one compassionate member of the team.

"damn." emily chuckled.

derek cackled again, clearly not ready to let this go. honestly, he probably never would. "thought we didn't notice when you pulled the blinds in the office, did ya?"

aaron gave him a pointed glare, putting a very quick end to the conversation. just as the rest, the team carried on with their remaining work for the day - you and aaron remaining frozen in place.

but surprisingly enough, a laugh did escape him, shaking through his chest. "guess i have to tone it down a little, huh?"

"oh thank god," you blurted out and exhaled in relief, a small smile forming on your lips. "i thought this would cause an avoidance arrangement or something." you teased - partially.

"of course not. some reservation, maybe, but not avoidance." aaron laughed quietly again, a sigh escaping him.

"that was bad, wasn't it?" a slightly pinched expression took form on your face, your cheeks tinting once more.

"it wasn't... good." aaron admitted with some hesitation, but his brown eyes still glowed despite the lines of troublesome. his hand found yours - after scanning that no one was paying attention to the two of you - giving it a squeeze. "but hey, out of problems to have, i'd take showing my love for you any day."

[zhongrin]

newton’s second law of motion

◇ characters ◇ al haitham (ft. kaveh, cyno, tighnari)

◇ tags ◇ divorced dad al haitham as your ex-hubby, possibly ooc al haitham (?), you have a daughter, al haitham pines on you badly, angst to fluff, crack, kaveh-cyno-tighnari support group ftw, brainrot format with a little fic

◇ a/n ◇ happy birthday you dolt (/aff). i didn't plan to post any birthday fic for him but this thought hit me as soon as i read that silly bday letter. this was supposed to be just a brainrot help-

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

divorced husband!al haitham who is hit by a revelation over the year he lived separated from you - that he had taken you for granted and he had driven you away by failing to communicate and appreciate you properly.

divorced husband!al haitham who receives a little package from you on his birthday; just a small, store-bought birthday cake. he's reminded of the biting words he said the year before, when he tasted the cake you made with your daughter. in hindsight, it was perfectly normal for a three-year-old to mistake salt for sugar. in hindsight, he should have known to hold his tongue. in hindsight, he could have done better than just stare as your daughter cried in your arms.

divorced husband!al haitham who knows that you were just being nice with all these small gestures. for updating him about how your daughter is doing in school every month. it was all a formality of sorts and it was an agreement you had when you broke your marriage. but he can't help the hope that sparked within his chest when he sees your handwriting and hears your voice on the rare meet-ups you organize.

divorced husband!al haitham who admits that you deserve someone better. who resolves to be someone better.

divorced husband!al haitham who picks up that parenting book he abandoned and buys new ones because four-year-olds are different from newborn babies. people stare at him in awe when he starts attending the parenting-themed seminars, and it's like he's back in his akademiya days, taking notes and analyzing research journals.

divorced husband!al haitham who, to his previous roommate's surprise, lets himself be dragged into the 'severely unproductive' weekly tcg game meeting. he silently sits and listens to cyno unconsciously bragging about the warm home he built with his spouse, tighnari proudly retelling story after story about collei taking the lead of the forest rangers, and kaveh gushing about the love of his life.

divorced husband!al haitham who, to everyone's shock, asks for their advice on how to rebuild what he's lost, who for once listens to kaveh as he guides him to emphatize more and shows him the values of white lies when used properly, as inefficient as he though it was. soon enough it turns into a full-on lecture at one corner of lambad's tavern - tighnari had brought out a whiteboard out of nowhere, and even cyno who was at first skeptical about giving him a second chance was animatedly giving his own two mora to avoid worsening the disaster that is the scribe's love life.

divorced husband!al haitham who picks up a new pen and delicately writes a letter with the ink of your favorite color, intending to ask you to meet at the library because he wanted to "further encourage our daughter's newly-found interest in reading". he's hoping it would show his sincerity (yes, he did listen when you absentmindedly told him about your daughter on the last update meeting) and imply that he wishes to make amends (because he remembers not taking much interest in the more 'trivial' things that concerns your daughter when he should have).

divorced husband!al haitham who does not understand why you didn't reply to him, and so he proceeds to recite the letter, word-by-word, to the curious table of the same friends from a week ago, their tcg match long forgotten. kaveh throws a deck of cards at him. cyno slumps back to his chair with a steely expression, arms crossed. tighnari sighs and bemoans about how al haitham is the worst student he's ever had thus far. kaveh rubs his face with his palms - "alright. okay. alright. look. clearly one lecture isn't enough. we could just. we could try again. hey, at least he tried!"

divorced husband!al haitham who wakes up the morning after because of his doorbell, with barely two hours of sleep, coffee-less (you used to make him coffee and he does not understand what he's missing because he could never make them taste the same), grumpy (he remembers the way you would laugh and boop his nose whenever he feels like this), darkened eye bags under his hazy green eyes (which you used to try and will away with a kiss; it never worked but he wishes you were there to do it still), opening the door of his abode (the house feels far too big without you) and promptly almost collapsing from shock at the sight.

it's you.

divorced husband!al haitham who fumbles with his words; his brain isn't working properly and his composure is nowhere in sight. you're holding your daughter's hand and you're looking at him from head to toe with a frown. he asks why you were here. you tell him icily that it was your scheduled date for the usual monthly update; you thought he would have appreciated you bringing your daughter this time. his brain stops. his heart swells. his chest feels warm.

divorced husband!al haitham who invites you in and blushes when you see the remnants of last night's "lectures". kaveh's silly flowchart ('when you should shut your mouth') is still present on the whiteboard. tighnari's books about child development created little towers around the coffee table. cyno's headpiece is still lying on the sofa. and his own copious notes are all over the place.

"what kind of.... project.... are you working on, exactly?"

his brain's broca's area must have been terribly damaged from all the 'scenario exercises' kaveh put him through last night, because what was supposed to be a 'pay no mind to it, it's merely a personal interest of mine' somehow turned into a sheepishly spoken: "i wanted to become a better partner and father."

and you must have thought he was crazy, too, with that look of utter shock on your face. al haitham decides to change the subject. he sees the way your daughter is eyeing the pantry - more specifically, the cabinet that used to store her snacks, and maybe it's all the books and seminars he attended but somehow he understands.

"have you... had breakfast?"

"..... no," your tone is cold and you avert your eyes. the implication is not lost on him. you had not planned to stay for long.

"i see. would you like to procure-" he pauses, gazes towards your daughter, remembering what he read - and he drops to his knees so he can be of a similar eye level with the young child. when he speaks next his tone is higher, softer, and you almost can't believe what you're witnessing, "-would you and mommy like to get some food with daddy?"

"..... yes."

his little angel's voice is barely above a whisper and slightly unsure, but it still makes a genuine smile spread onto his lips for the first time in...... what seemed like forever. he directs his gaze up towards you, like some kind of a lost puppy seeking permission from its owner. you throw one last glance at his notes and sigh before nodding stiffly.

"alright.... you look like you badly need coffee anyway."

divorced husband!al haitham who, despite the tiredness in his bones, readily escorts the two of you out of the house after quickly scribbling a note for the three guests sleeping on a pile in the guest room.

divorced husband!al haitham who asks his daughter about where she'd like to eat and agrees immediately upon her answer despite knowing that their destination would only serve that trashy coffee he loathes with his whole life (and when you ask him again whether he's really okay with her choice, he says yes even though he wanted to say no).

divorced husband!al haitham who asks you about the latest updates on your job and tells you that he thinks it's admirable, for you to balance caring for their child while also having such a stable career (you did not express the need to be getting constructive criticism on how to further improve your career and branch out your skills, so he decides to keep his mouth shut).

divorced husband!al haitham who stumbles, trips, and is still horribly clumsy as he paves a path back to walk beside you and your daughter. but he tries. and he hopes to spend his next birthday with you, your daughter, a kitchen that looked like an oven has exploded, and a deformed cake.

and as the front door closes, the three guests high-fives each other in a small circle from behind the slightly opened door of the guest room.

© zhongrin | 2023 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @thestarsofenkanomiya | @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sophiethewitch1 | @why-am-i-here-someone-save-me | @sunnshineflxwer | @heartonthemoon | @yuutasbabe | @percyval-archives | @carbs-need-more-love | @rebeccka | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @herdrops | @diebischesther | @marina-and-the-memes | @angryhope | @mixed-kester | @shuangxo | @fiannee | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ladylofspades | @sup-zfam | @ansy-tea

[chishiyasleftnut]

I love your writing smmmm <33 could you do chishiya with girlfriend who suffers from anxiety? (Social anxiety) one and kind of introverted type?? Thank youuuu.

Hi there! Thank you for your support and request (-^〇^-)

This one is really short, but I still hope you’ll enjoy it. Please let me know if you’re fine with the occasional short fic! Life has been quite busy lately as I’m both moving apartment and writing my bachelor’s thesis, so I haven’t had much time and energy to write for this blog, sadly. 

Nonetheless, I managed to finish this cutie! I hope you’ll enjoy it ( ღ’ᴗ’ღ )

(It wasn't planned, but there's no gendered language regarding the reader, so this time it's a gn!reader story!)

Silly Thoughts

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 Warnings: None! Pure fluff. Pairing: Chishiya x gn!reader.

Plot: gn!reader suffers from social anxiety, leading them to cancel an event hosted by Chishiya’s work. Chishiya, who does not understand anxiety, tries to figure out why and attempts to help gn!reader overcome their anxiety.

1090 words. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

��I just don’t feel like it.”

For the past week, your mind had been filled by nothing but the big event you had agreed to attend. Chishiya, your boyfriend, had been invited to a seminar run by the hospital he worked at - invited was a kind word, as it was definitely not voluntary whether or not he attended. Luckily for him, he was allowed to bring a guest, giving him a tiny sliver of hope that he wouldn’t be completely bored out of his mind.

“Why not?” Chishiya asked while tying his tie in the mirror. He had never understood why you were so anxious about social gatherings. Sure, he didn’t like them either, but he wouldn’t say he was anxious about them. Annoyed would probably be a better word.

He watched you in the mirror as you fiddled around with your hands, trying to come up with an excuse that could be somewhat believable. As always, you didn’t meet his eyes when you were anxious. He had yet to figure out why, but his best guess was that you were scared he could read your mind or something.

“I don’t feel like it today,” you repeated. “I feel sick.”

“Sick?”

Chishiya turned around to face you, immediately springing into his well-known role as a doctor and taking a few steps closer to you before putting his hand on your forehead to feel your temperature. Just as he suspected, you didn’t have a fever. You were, however, shaking enough to hit a 6.5 on the Richter-scale, trembling as if your body was the epicentre of an earthquake.

“Why don’t you want to go?” he asked again, his hand moving around your face as he continued to feel for a fever.

No reply came out of your mouth, your eyes glued to the floor. With a gentle finger on your chin, Chishiya raised your head, so you were looking him in the eyes. You were expecting him to look angry that you were trying to get out of a promise; to be pissed that you didn’t want to do this one thing for him; but he didn’t look mad. No, quite the contrary - he looked… concerned?

“Tell me,” he insisted again, his tone softer than you’ve heard him before.

Your mouth kept opening and closing, no words coming out as you tried to figure out how to explain to him what was wrong. Your own fears felt silly to you and admitting an irrational fear like that to someone as chronically logical as Chishiya felt like defeat - even though he was your long-term boyfriend whom you loved dearly. Surely you should feel open with him at this point, no? So far, he had yet to belittle any of your thoughts, no matter how small and irrational they were. He was safe and you knew that.

“I don’t like big crowds.”

“Really?” your boyfriend asked, sounding slightly confused. Chishiya had never suffered from any type of social anxiety. Mostly he just found unnecessary social interaction bothersome to deal with - not anxiety provoking. “Why not?”

“I’m… I don’t know. I’m scared people will talk to me and I won’t know what to say, or maybe I’ll fall flat on my face in front of everyone and they’ll laugh, or I’ll-“

Chishiya interrupted you with a finger on your lips and a small chuckle, slightly amused by the way your brain was spinning itself into death, circling around every hypothetical scenario.

“That won’t happen. You’re intelligent and very much capable of walking without falling over your own feet.”

“But what if I’m not?” you asked with a small voice, almost sounding like a child.

Although Chishiya was still smiling, you didn’t feel as if he was making fun of you. Instead, it was clear that he just enjoyed getting a glimpse into how you worked. From the first time you met, Chishiya knew that you and he were very different people, and truth be told that was what he loved about you the most. You were almost like a puzzle to him - a constant riddle he couldn’t wait but solve. He was almost itching to figure you out, excited by the way you were led by emotions instead of logic like he was.

“Okay,” he finally said after a while, his hands immediately working on loosening his tie. “We’ll stay home. I’ll call and tell them I’ve gotten sick.”

No words, not even ‘pure and utter relief’, could adequately describe your facial expression. You let out a breath that you didn’t even know you had been holding, immediately feeling ten times calmer and lighter at his words.

“But,” he continued while placing his tie on the table and slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt. “You’re starting therapy for this.”

“Therapy?” you asked, now sounding slightly anxious again.

“Yes, therapy. You can’t avoid crowds forever, you know? I’ll help you find someone who can help you with this.”

Chishiya’s eyes darted all over your face as you took in his ultimatum. At last you decided that potential therapy sometime in the future was way less scary than the concrete social event you were otherwise forced to attend. Hence, you nodded and accepted his demand.

With his white dress shirt open, Chishiya pulled you into a hug and placed a tender kiss on your forehead, pausing with his lips pressed against your face to savour the serene moment. You allowed yourself to melt into his embrace, letting the remnants of his aftershave travel up your nose and overwhelm your senses, effectively grounding you in reality and melting away every lasting remain of the anxiety that had previously paralysed you. All that mattered right now was him - not some stupid medical seminar. Crisis averted.

“You know,” he finally said after a minute of silence. "You can always tell me if something is wrong. Even if you think it’s silly.”

“I know, I just feel stupid admitting silly stuff.”

A sharp exhale of air huffed out of Chishiya’s nose and travelled over your forehead as he half-chuckled at your words.

“You can be silly without being stupid. You’re never stupid.”

For a few seconds, you let his words calm your mind. You didn’t want to admit it, but that was exactly what you needed: to know that Chishiya didn’t find you to be unintelligent just because of the way your anxiety was dictating your life at times. You felt Chishiya’s lips graze your forehead again, sealing in his words and cementing them in your mind.

You are never stupid.

[irohsteaa]

Let’s talk about Tenma’s mother

Thanks @plainteacup for the help. <3

Since Another Monster doesn’t have an official English translation and I don’t speak either Japanese or Spanish, I have to rely on a fan translation. If you notice a mistake that changes the meaning of the original text in a significant way, please let me know. Thanks!

That year, his elder brother finally made it into the medical department of a different college, and Tenma thought that the pressure on himself would finally be eased off. But his father was clear in telling others that Tenma would be the successor. His elder brother’s college was a far cry from the one Tenma entered, in terms of prestige and history. During all this, their mother urged the father to give the hospital to the second son. Being Mr. Tenma’s second wife, she was oddly enough extremely considerate and doting upon the two older, unrelated sons, and in contrast, incredibly harsh with her own flesh and blood, Kenzo.

First thing to keep in mind: the Tenma family situation is explained by an “old friend” and, additionally, filtered through Weber’s writing. We can’t be sure how much of it was merely speculation. 

This fragment paints a picture of a woman who’s harsh and cold toward her biological son. Why didn’t she support him? Why didn’t she want him to be the successor of his father? Didn’t she believe in him?

Before I give my interpretation, I’d like to draw attention to Lipský’s mother and her reaction to her son being chosen for the reading seminars and then kicked out:

One day, a man with a big nose and very thick glasses came to my house, asked me some very strange questions and showed me a lot of diagrams. The questions were rather benign, but for some reason, I was quite terrified. After he left, my mother cried. She told me that I had been chosen to participate in a special class. She said that if I didn’t want to do it, she would work things out, but I didn’t want to make things hard for her, so I chose to go.

*

As soon as I told my mother that I didn’t have to go anymore, oh, the smile she made... Our relationship went back to normal at that point.

Lipský’s recollection paints a woman who was aware of the possible consequences of the reading seminars. She was afraid her son could become like his father, so she was relieved when she found out that he wouldn’t be attending the classes.

What if Tenma’s mother had similar intentions and wanted to protect her son? 

She was the wife of the director and formerly an editor for a medical publisher; she knew this life inside and out.

We don’t have a full picture of Tenma’s father, and we don’t have enough information to establish whether he was a tyranical father and husband, the absent type, something in between, or a secret fourth option. One thing is clear: a prestigious position can significantly affect one’s personality. 

Just like the reading seminars.

Was it her way of saying run away, as far as you can?

I also like to think that it was Tenma’s mother who taught him, more or less directly, how to be rebellious.

[yyh4ever]

BOING BOING 🖐️

A funny scene from the 1994 "Yu Yu Hakusho Gaiden" game for mega drive, an original story that takes place two days before the Dark Tournament.

Demons are popping up all over town, so Koenma sends the guys off to investigate and get to the root of the problem. Reminded me of Maji Battle a little bit.

My favorite part of the game intro is when Botan is looking for the guys to inform that Koenma wants to have a word with them. Hiei's line, "who's disturbing my nap", is the best 😂

The first part of the game is divided into 4 chapters: Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei and Kurama. Each one takes to the streets to investigate, and eliminate demons.

Yusuke's Chapter

Yusuke is so upset about Toguro being so much stronger than him that he forgets about the mission. He asks this seemingly strong old guy, who saved Keiko from a gang, to teach him his technique. But ... he's trouble.

Gladly, Master Genkai comes to his aid.

Kuwabara's Chapter

All delinquents in town are acting strange. They have suddenly become just and been refusing to fight (isn't that a good thing? lol).

Apparently, they are all attending this strange place called the "Touzai Seminar". Kuwabara sneaks in to investigate, and fights a pumpkin-demon.

The power of love is invincible XD

Guess everything went back to normal.

Hiei's Chapter

Hiei comes across this little girl, but he doesn't have time to play with kids. It's cute that she calls Hiei "onii-chan". Hiei also mentions he's not good dealing with children XD.

Later, she goes missing.

He senses a nostalgic youki in town, and suspects the mastermind behind it is Kuroneko (dark cat), a cat demon who was Hiei's partner during his bandit days.

Kurama's Chapter

It's basically a story about Kurama's mother being kidnapped. Kurama fights some demons and rescues his mother in the museum.

I like this illustration included in the game manual. Kurama is in the museum fighting the dinosaur fossil youkai.

That blue-haired girl is also interesting, looks like Botan a little. She's looking for her dog, Pochi, but Kurama didn't see it. Then, she re-appears as a youma, and Kurama defeats it.

My Red Rose Prince ♡

After investigating and eliminating random demons, they gather at Yusuke's place. They found out that the source of the problem is in a place called Gokumon Island. It's time to go to the Demon World.

After you clear the first part, the familiar eye-catch from the anime shows up.

The second part of the game is on Gokumon Island - Makai.

The imaginary illustration of the island is beautiful (taken from the manual). I think it was inspired by the Maze Castle in Demon City.

Well, Gokumon Chapter is kinda boring. They basically walk around the island, fight demons, help human souls, and defeat the final boss in his tower, a youkai called Choujou (超嬲).

The manual illustration of the final boss castle with Kurama and Yusuke is more exciting.

Btw, even though she's not the real Keiko, it's a cute scene ❤

After defeating the final boss, Gokumon Island disappears. Mission complete! Now, it's time to go to the Dark Tournament.

But, before that, Yusuke meets the real Keiko boss XD. The game ends with the classic boob scene. Yusuke wants to check her reaction, because he was deceived by a fake Keiko last time.

IT'S THE REAL KEIKO!!!!

In the end, the guys lose the shuffle boat to Hanging Neck Island (Dark Tournament) 😂

Poor Hiei and Kurama...

The credits show monochrome images of the Dark Tournament. I like that Atsuko Urameshi appears with the girls instead of Jorge Saotome. Just like the manga!

Sorry for the lame summary, I just shared my fav parts 😅

You can find full walkthroughs of this game on YouTube.

Lastly, some love for my boy Kuwabara ♥ (illustration from the game manual)

[literaticat]

How does Barnes & Noble allocate shelf space and choose books to put on display? Do publishers pay to have their books in Barnes & Noble stores? Do they pay to have their books displayed in prominent spots? What about independent bookstores? How do bookstores and libraries find out about upcoming books to order? Thanks!

Oy. This could be the topic of like, a nonfiction book (for a very niche audience), or a college seminar, rather than a TUMBLR POST, but hey.

First, a caveat: Please do bear in mind that, while I have 35 years of bookstore experience, I don't work for B&N or have any insider access to B&N; all my knowledge about B&N comes from easily available, non-paywalled reportage that can be found by anyone online. I have never worked for a library except as a board member, so I have zero insider library collections knowledge. I also was a bookstore buyer a decade ago at this point, so some things might have changed -- and I worked for an independent bookstore (key word is INDEPENDENT -- ie, different indies may have totally different ways of doing things!) -- So this is quite broad strokes info.

I'm going to take your questions out of order because it will make more sense.

How do bookstores and libraries find out about upcoming books to order?

The first and most obvious way bookstores and libraries find out about upcoming books to order is via the Publisher's Frontlist Catalogue. "Frontlist" is the term for BRAND NEW / FORTHCOMING BOOKS. Catalogue is exactly what it sounds like -- literally a big ol' catalogue that describes the books, has early reviews and blurbs and whatnot, is full of praise for the books, yadda yadda. Catalogues are divided into multiple "seasons" throughout the year. (Nowadays, catalogues are mostly digital via Edelweiss -- but the same concept applies!)

Generally speaking, publishers have Regional Sales Reps across the country. Those reps physically go to the bookstores in their region every season and present the future season's frontlist offerings (ie, the stuff in the catalogue!) to the buyer. (Very small or far-away stores might have a phone rep -- and nowadays some rep meetings are done via Zoom -- but you get the idea!) The reps have marketing material like ARCs or samples of the books to share, and be able to give more intel than the catalogue alone can do.

It's the sales rep's job to know the bookstore buyer well, know the audience who shops there, and make great recommendations to the buyer. The buyer makes decisions about what to stock based in part on the sales rep's recommendation, but also on whether or not they liked the book or think that their patrons will like it, and based on historical data, like how that author or genre usually does in their store, etc etc.

Sales reps visit about 6 months prior to the season being discussed -- so the Fall 2024 books that are in stock at stores now and in time for Christmas were certainly already ordered before Easter.

Independent Bookstores have their own sales reps; B&N and Target and Amazon and places like that have their own sales reps just for them. (I don't really know how it works for libraries -- very big library systems might also have their own sales reps, but I don't think very small systems would, but idk!)

Other ways they find out about books to order: Booksellers and librarians (and publishers) attend library conferences and trade shows every year, sometimes multiple per year both regional and national; the publisher's sales and marketing teams do presentations about books, have booths with all their upcoming books on display, etc etc.

Booksellers and librarians also are regular people in society, so sometimes they find out about new books sometimes the same way anyone does - through the media and social media! They read reviews, listen to the radio, watch Colbert, go on Instagram, or whatever -- so if they skipped it or only bought two copies when they saw it in the catalogue months and months ago, but then there's a huge media blitz about it, or some amazing reviews come through, the publisher will probably send them a note like "heyyyy just so you know, this is getting HUGE BUZZ, you should probably order extra!"

Basically: Publishers Sales, Marketing and Publicity departments are all doing things behind the scenes for months before a book ever hits a bookstore shelf. That's how books get on the shelf.

How does Barnes & Noble allocate shelf space and choose books to put on display? (What about indie bookstores?)

B&N now chooses books to be on display at the store level. (More on that in the next question). So I'll answer the Indie Bookstore part, and we can assume that a very similar calculus is going on at individual B&N locations!

As explained above, buyers order most of the frontlist books for any bookstore from their sales rep many months before they come out. For a chain bookstore like B&N or a very large independent with multiple locations, that frontlist buyer may be located in some central location -- for smaller stores, buyers are on-site at the bookstore. (A store might also have a "backlist" or "restock" buyer, either the same person or, for a bigger store, a totally different person, who places smaller orders from wholesalers during the week to fill special orders for books customers request and to replenish stock of books they are selling well).

On the backend, bookstores use "turn" to allocate how much shelf space a given section will have -- but that's a much more technical / granular answer that you can read more about here. But as for what comes in and what gets displayed, the new books get into the store in the first place because the buyers have ordered them months in advance, usually via the sales rep (as described above), and when they come in, booksellers use their brains and taste to display them.

Most bookstores have several tables or displays that are always the same (with rotating stock) -- something like New and Noteworthy in every section. So New Hardcover Fiction, New Paperback Fiction, New SF/F, New Nonfiction, etc. When large piles of new books come in every tuesday, the booksellers on the floor will put the piles of books on the New table appropriate for that book. If a pile is getting low, they will swap those ones out so that they table looks full. You get the picture!

Most bookstores also have temporary displays -- seasonal, for a holiday, or themed in some way. For example, it's late October as I type this, and my local bookstore currently has a Kids Halloween display, an adult "Spooky Season" display, a display about democracy/voting (because election day is around the corner), a display about autumn/cozy vibes, a display about fiber arts (because the town hosts a massive craft show), etc. The manager or the owner or one of the booksellers might decide "oh, isn't it funny that all these books have OWLS on them this season, let's make an OWL display" -- and they put whatever they want on it.

(Again, for B&N, many decisions probably also are made at Headquarters -- BUT, individual stores have leeway about how they display their books based on their location, etc etc.)

Do publishers pay to have their books in Barnes & Noble stores? Do they pay to have their books displayed in prominent spots? What about independent bookstores?

Yes and no? Kindaaa, but not really in the way you are thinking?

ETA: THIS IS INSANELY COMPLICATED AND THE EXPLAINER BELOW IS JUST BARELY SCRATCHING THE SURFACE. It's just the best I can do, in this forum, right now.

OK. There's something called "Co-Op" -- that stands for like, "co-operative marketing" or something like that. There's a world in which you could consider Co-Op "publishers paying to have books in stores" -- that's how it kind of was historically, anyway.

Basically, IN THE PAST (I really can't stress that enough), publishers and major bookstores like B&N would come to some sort of agreement about certain titles that would "get co-op" -- like, OK, we have a Spooky Season table in the front of the store, it will cost you X-hundreds/thousands (??) of dollars to have a pile of your new upcoming book SPOOKY GHOST STORY on the front table of every B&N store. Publishers paid it, the bookstore ordered all those books and put them on display. Here's an article about that from 2010 that gives the basics and some links.

This straight-up "paying for a display slot" MIGHT still be the case at stores like Target, I have no idea. But for B&N, it's not the case anymore. This article from 2022 explains how the revamp of B&N includes getting rid of "pay to play" displays:

"Although the chain’s stores carry similar titles, in a shift away from centralized buying, individual managers determine where the books are placed and order quantities. The focus better aligns assortments with local tastes. Mr. Daunt told Publishers Weekly last year his goal is to provide managers with tools and then “get out of the way.”

Co-op title placement practices have also been ended because unpopular titles were receiving prominent placement and driving excessive return rates."

FWIW, Indie bookstores didn't / don't usually do "co-op" in quite the same way -- a single independent bookstore simply doesn't have the money or clout for it to be worth it for a publisher to pay them for title placement. Like, if Grandma Sassy's Olde Bookery orders five copies of a new book, that's huge for them, the publisher doesn't care what Grandma does with her displays, it's not making a dent for Penguin Random House, you know? Much different deal than a chain.

HOWEVER, co-op isn't ONLY about "pay to play" title placement. For example, let's say the publisher has a huge new book they want to promote because it is hotly anticipated and they have nine bajillion copies. They might create a special display out of cardboard (called a "dump") that fits 15 copies of the book -- any bookstore who orders 15+ copies of the book gets this special cool display, and a special discount.

OR, maybe the publisher decides to do a "Summer Reading Special" where they create special paperbacks of 20 different titles that have "buy two get one free" stickers on them -- if a bookstore wants to participate, they will order however-many copies of those books, but they will get a much better discount, both as an incentive to participate and put these titles on display and push them, and to make up for the money they would be losing by giving some of them away.

OR, a bookstore is doing a special event for an author, and they pay for a bunch of special posters to be made -- they might be able to get reimbursed from the publisher for some or all of the money they spent.

Those things are (kinda) the publisher "paying" the bookstore, so they are also technically co-op marketing! But as you can see, it's not quite the same as publishers directly paying a bookstore for a certain title's placement.

Sorry for the length, but hey -- that was a lot of questions!

[babymetaldoll]

Baby, I'm yours: - Chapter six: "Never forget I'm your man"

Summary: Spencer has been preparing a surprise for his cherie. The team gets a 5 am call that puts everybody on edge. 

Warning: Extreme fluff, smut (p in v), cursing, and that's it. 

Word count: 10.1K

A/N: Honestly, this was self-indulging to write, and I hope you all enjoy it.  Likes, comments and reblogs are always welcome! 

Btw, if you want the whole trip to Hawaii story, you can read the one shot here

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel Masterlist

Previous chapter | Next chapter

(Y/N)'s point of view

After a few weeks, I must say living with Spencer felt like it wasn't anything new. And don't get me wrong, it's not that it wasn't exciting, 'cos it was! What I mean is that it felt right, like what I had always been supposed to do. Yes, sometimes it felt like we needed more room, but we didn't care. His apartment was perfect for the two of us. We would spend the weekends cuddled on the couch, reading or watching old movies. Or kissing. Sometimes all three. It was our own paradise, our little piece of heaven we didn't want to tell anyone from work about. Between those walls, there were no cases, no sorrows, and no pain. Just us, in love, enjoying our company.

Yet still, we could feel the emptiness and sorrow of Emily's loss, and we discovered that sharing time with JJ and Will helped us. Taking Henry out to the park, or just having brunch together on Sunday. We knew she missed her as much as we did, and she became a big support for us during that period.

Morgan was going through his grieving alone though. He was mad at the world for taking Emily, and I completely understood his struggle. Penelope was always there for him, and I was glad those two could count on each other. It felt somehow similar to what Spencer and I had, though they weren't a couple: no matter what, they were always there for each other.

Except for that minute, when Spencer was nowhere to be found. It was Thursday night, and after he finished work, he rushed out of the bullpen telling me he had to attend yet another seminar. He had three seminars and a congress in the last three weeks and thought he promised he would be back home for dinner, it was already nine, and Spencer Walter Reid was nowhere to be seen. I texted him, but he didn't even read the message.

I stared at the kitchen and sighed. The primavera stuffed chicken was ready. I was turning into a Pinterest housewife who loved trying new recipes at least twice a week, or when work allowed me to. Spencer often joked his vest was going to start getting too tight if I continued cooking like that. That wasn't going to stop me, by the way.

- "Pumpkin! I'm home!"- Spencer announced as soon as he opened the front door.

- "Hey honey bunny! How was the seminar?"

- "Boring!"- my boyfriend walked to me as I set the table, and wrapped his arms around me- "I just wanted to come home and be with you."

- "Really? But you just sat next to me the entire day at work"- I felt his lips assaulting my neck as he chuckled and soon reached my mouth, holding my face with both hands, trapping me. As if I planned to move away from him.

- "The work time is not enough. Besides, I couldn't even kiss you. That's unfair"- and so, Spencer kissed me even deeper, and with more passion. As if he hadn't actually seen me three hours earlier.

- "Ready for dinner?"- I whispered as I parted from him slowly. If we didn't stop that kiss there, we were never going to eat.

- "Starving."

- "Go wash your hands while I finish here."

- "Yes ma'am"- Spencer pecked my lips and smiled before walking to the bathroom. I stared at him for a second and sighed. I never thought I could be so happy.

- "Hello?"- I picked up the phone as I reheated the mashed potatoes.

- "Hey nugget! What's up!"

- "Paco! I haven't heard from you in over two weeks, what happened? Were you mad? Abducted? New girlfriend?"- I heard my friend laughing at the other side of the line as I opened the oven and took out the chicken.

- "Neither, just lots of work. But I have great news, we are playing this Saturday in the Black Cat at eight, and you and the doc are officially invited to join us."

- "Sounds good! I haven't seen you play live in what feels like ages!"

- "I know, Mikey said he doesn't even remember your face."

- "How is my baby?"

- "I saw him earlier at rehearsal. He is ok, still dating the girl you didn't like, so please be nice and ignore her Saturday if she shows up."

- "Damn! Can't she get sick or something?"- Frank giggled. I knew he didn't like Mikey's girlfriend either, but I would always be the cruel one. He used to say a was a very jealous friend, but I wasn't usually wrong when I didn't like one of their dates.

- "I dunno, cross your fingers she doesn't want to go. Why do you hate her by the way?"

- "She looks like a gold digger to me."

- "It's not like Mikey is loaded."- Paco chuckled at his words and I simply sighed as I checked on dinner.

- "Yeah, but he is making good money and she seems to be very high maintenance. The last time I talked to Mikey, he told me he had bought her a new iPhone."

- "And little shit made me pay for pizza earlier!"- I laughed and grabbed a few dishes.

- "Well, if we don't have to catch any psycho killer, I promise we'll be there, front row, clapping and cheering you, as always."

- "Thank you nugget. I knew I could count on you. And how's doc?"

- "Good, he just got home and we are about to have dinner."

- "Give him my regards. I will leave you to enjoy your evening with your man. Love you!"

- "Love you, Paco. See you soon!"

Lucky for Frank, that weekend we didn't have to leave town, and after Spending most of the morning in bed, reading, drinking coffee, and making love, Spencer finally let me out of the sheets and into the shower.

- "I thought we could have some dinner before going to see the band"- he said as he drove through town.

- "Sounds good, I'm starving. Where do you wanna go?"

- "I dunno... let's see what we can find."- my boyfriend gave me a mysterious grin and held my hand.

- "Where are you taking me, Spencer?"

- "You'll see."

After less than half an hour, he parked outside the 24/7 dinner I used to frequent a lot when I was at the academy, 'cos it kept me sugar-loaded and caffeine high.

- "Hey, I remember this place."- I said as soon as we walked in.

- "Do you, really?"- Spencer's lips curved in a tiny smirk as he stared at me.

- "Yes, we came here after that party in Garcia's when I first joined the team."

- "Yes, we did"- Spencer grinned and pointed to an empty booth- "And I will forever consider that night as our first date."

- "Really?"- I sat and looked at him, raising an eyebrow- "You were aware back then I was dating someone else, right honey?"

- "I do. But I also know you never loved Paul"- I blushed and nodded. Though I knew it was true, it was very different when Spencer pointed it out. And even weirder when he remarked it with a cocky smile on his lips.

- "Are you implying I already loved you back in those days?"

- "Did you?"

- "I don't remember..."- I teased and he chuckled.

- "Well, I already knew you were the most special woman I had ever met."

- "I had been on the team just for four weeks or so."

- "And?"

- "You are full of shit, Spencer!"- I chuckled and he laughed- "Are you trying to tell me you've always loved me?"

- "You know I have, from day one."- he held my hand and kissed it- "It's true. I'm not telling you this 'cause I think you need to hear it. I wanted you to know 'cos that's how we all feel."

- "Can I take your order?"- a waitress interrupted us and forced us to pay attention to the menu instead. Spencer asked for a cheese sandwich and I ordered a burger, plus two cupcakes and two cups of coffee. Yes, we were hungry, but in our defense, we had spent most of the day in bed, naked.

- "That day you told me something I never forgot."- I whisper and keep staring at my hands as we wait for our food.

- "I remember I told you you had been an incredible addition to the team, and that your linguistic knowledge was a great tool to crack cases."- he said and rested his hands on mine, making me see one more time, how tiny my hands were compared to his.

- "No, you thanked me for being nice to you, even though you were a barely tolerable person. And I remember thinking how could you say that if you were the only person in the whole FBI I wanted to hang out and be friends with since day one."

- "See? You did always love me."- Spencer smiled and I shook my head.

- "I also remember thinking you had the most beautiful smile ever, but I didn't tell you 'cos I didn't want to make you nervous."

- "You made me nervous anyway, chipmunk"- Spencer chuckled and added- "You told me you liked my random facts, so from that day on I've tried to give you at least one fact every day. And you always seemed sincerely interested in what I was saying. I never really had a chance, chipmunk, I know I've fallen in love with you every day since the first time we talked."

I stared into his eyes and bit my lips, thinking no one had ever said to me anything nearly as romantic and sincere as Spencer had said. He smiled and so did I, fighting the tears in my eyes.

- "You are very romantic tonight, honey bunny."

- "Yes, I am, ma cherie. Let's say tonight I am happy I have you with me, and I just want to make you happy."

- "If I had known that was your plan, I would have never left that bed."- my boyfriend chuckled and blushed, funny how he could be so bold at times, and still, be the shy man I had fallen in love with over five years before.

We ate our dinner remembering the first year we worked together. All the midnight cupcakes we shared all over the country when we were out of the city for a case, and neither of us could sleep. And for the first time ever since we were a couple, we analyzed our trip to Hawaii and how much we both suffered for being fools in love. We had a very nice evening, it was so amusing to finally share what was going on in each other's heads during the time, I was really enjoying my time.

Spencer's point of view

That night I was freaking out. Three weeks in the making were about to pay off, and I was terrified anything could go wrong. And the worst part was having to lie to (Y/N). I had to use all my profiler's tactics to keep her in the dark about what was going on. The escapades after work, pretending I had to attend a congress or seminars, sneaking to work on a secret project I had for her, everything was going to come out to the light that night, and I needed everything to be perfect.

- "Do you wanna know what was infuriating all the years we were just friends?"- (Y/N) asked and took a spoon of her brownie and ice cream.

- "Do tell, ma cherie."

- "The fact you were oblivious to all the girls flirting with you! And I was always so mad and jealous!"

- "No one ever flirted with me! Ever!"- I excused myself, shocked.

- "You made out with Lila Archer in a pool!"

- "Ok! That was the only time!"

- "You got that waitress's phone number 'cos you did that magic trick for her!"

- "I was working!"

- "Sure thing! How long did you keep the card with the kiss she sent you? It was on your desk, on display!"- I laughed and shook my head, denying any interest in that woman.

- "I forgot about it!"

- "Of course, Mr eidetic memory!"- I chuckled and watched her smiling at me, looking honestly happy.

- "I don't know why you are whining so much, during our trip to Hawaii I had to keep the guys away from you! If I remember clearly, I had to pretend I was your husband many times during those days"- (Y/N) blushed immediately and shook her head.

- "I only said that to that first guy 'cos I really wanted it to be our honeymoon"- I hear her confess after all those years- "I tried to get your attention the entire time, and you didn't even look at me."

- "Didn't look at you? I couldn't keep my eyes from you!"- my voice was so loud I nearly shrieked, as my ears and face turned blood red immediately- "I was so in love with you, and there you were, walking around almost naked! Every day you wore a smaller outfit than the previous, you were driving me insane!"

- "What?"- She widened her eyes, absolutely surprised by my confession. I couldn't believe she had never noticed.

- "I had to take cold showers at least twice a day!"

- "I was sure you hated being there with me!"

- "I hated not being able to touch you!"- I held her hand, chuckling as I let my fingers linger from hers to her arm, caressing her soft skin- "Maybe that is why now is so hard for me to keep my hands from you."- (Y/N) smiled and sighed, staring into my eyes. I tried to look confident and calm, though I was neither of those things that night.

- "I was so in love with you back then"- my girlfriend whispered- "So in love in fact, it hurt."

- "I felt exactly the same"- I kiss her fingers softly and smiled- "We were really fools in love, ma cherie."

- "Fools, blind, stubborn... you name it. I'm glad those days are over."

- "Me too."- I stared at her in silence, gathering the courage to say the following words- "Ready to go to the show?"- she smiled and nodded, and I quickly raised my arm to get the check. It was almost time. And I still wasn't sure how I was going to pull the strength to do what I had planned for the last few weeks.

The bar was crowded, which worked perfectly for the plan, but it made me feel sick in the stomach. There were a lot of people, and if things didn't go well, I was going to be embarrassed in front of them all. I looked around as we walked in, making sure everything was perfect.

- "Is it just me or does this place seems cleaner than usual?"- (Y/N) asked, staring at the hundred fairy lights around us.

- "Maybe there is new management"- I suggested, and she seemed to find my answer logical 'cos she just nodded, holding my hand tight to not lose me in the crowd. Again, there were so many people there that night! Why?

- "Wanna get a drink?"- I asked her, sort of yelling to make sure she heard me in the crowd and pointed at the bar. She just nodded with a smile and walked there with me.

We stood in front of the stage, each one of us holding a drink. I looked at the instruments and felt the air leaving my lungs. But I couldn't chicken out of it.

- "Did you see the sign that said "Absolutely no crowd surfing or stage diving"?"- (Y/N) asked, giggling- "I am pretty sure they put that after the last time the guys played here!"

I heard her laughing, but I keep staring around me, trying to convince myself this is going to go well.

- "Hey, I was thinking tomorrow we could have brunch with JJ and Will. I miss her."- she added suddenly- "Unless you have some other plans for us."- I shook my head, licking my lips, still looking around me.

- "Sounds good."

- "Are you ok, honey?"- (Y/N) asked and touched my arm- "You look pale."

- "Me? Really? No, I'm ok."

I smiled, making my best to look natural. But I bet she was right, I must be pale. When you're scared, blood flow increases to your vital organs as part of the fight or flight response, while the blood vessels constrict in other areas, like the surface of your skin. And when your skin gets less blood flow, your complexion turns pale. I thought I could explain to her what was going on, but that was a very bad idea. I couldn't tell her why I was so nervous.

- "Sure?"- she asked and looked at me, concerned.

- "Yeah, I'm perfect. Don't worry, chipmunk."

And just as I said those words, the band walked onto the stage, and everybody started clapping, (Y/N) included. She actually started shouting in support. Mikey looked at her right away and chuckled, waving before grabbing his bass.

- "Hi, I'm Frank. These are my friends."- Frank announced on the mic, and avoided looking at the crowd.

- "Go Paco!!"- and he turned and looked at my girlfriend, smiling.

It's hard to believe both Frank and Mikey still got nervous before a show, considering they did it at least three times a month. Well, and if they still got nervous before performing, what else could I expect from myself that night?

The first three songs passed way too fast. (Y/N) sang along and jumped the entire time. At least she was enjoying the show. I looked around and noticed everybody was there too. Penelope and Morgan were with JJ at the back of the place. Hotch and Rossi stood at the end of the bar. And Lu was on one side of the stage, taking pictures of the band. I jumped a little, just to make sure I still could move.

None of them knew what was gonna happen, and I wondered what Rossi had thought when he stepped into the bar. It was clearly not the type of places he frequented, the same as Hotch, JJ, Garcia, and Morgan. Honestly, the only person who took me to these bars was (Y/N), to enjoy local bands, which I actually liked a lot after all those years. The first couple of times she took me to bars with live rock shows I thought she was trying to prank me. Then I realized people were nice, and no one was gonna beat me, and I finally got to relax, and enjoy the shows.

- "What are we doing here, pretty boy?"- Morgan texted me and I chuckled.

- "Please don't tell me we've got a case"- (Y/N) asked as soon as she noticed I had my phone in my hand.

- "No, Morgan wanted to talk to me. I'm gonna give him a call outside, I'll be right back, ok? Wait right here!"- she nodded and continued watching the show. I walked to a side of the stage and made my way to the back without being seen by my girlfriend, who luckily was really into the show to notice me.

Mikey walked all over the stage as Frankie sang and played guitar. The fact he wasn't the best lead singer, but still everybody enjoyed watching him perform was encouraging. It almost gave me hope.

- "Ok kids, this is the last song!"- Frank announced on the mic and I started jumping on my spot. This was it, I was doing this, it was real.

- "And we are gonna do something kinda different for once. First, I wanna invite my dear friend Shawn to come to the stage with us and join us on the keyboards."- the crowd clapped and cheered, at least they were all being nice.

- "And also, we've got a very special guest tonight. He is my brother, one of my best friends, and the nicest guy I've ever met! Come here before I start sucking your dick, Doctor Spencer Reid!"

I don't know how I managed to move and walked up to the stage. The lights blinded me as soon as I stood in front of everybody, and Frank tapped on my back, helping me to move until I reached the mic, the one he quickly started adjusting to my height. I looked at the crowd and tried to find my girlfriend, who waved and stared at me in shock. I smiled at her and took a deep breath.

- "Hi, my name is Spencer Reid"- I said into the mic and my voice started shaking- "And tonight I wanna dedicate a song to the love of my life, my girlfriend (Y/N)."

I could see her face blushing as she kept looking at me in shock. I was shocked I was going that as well, so we definitely shared the feeling. Shawn started playing the keyboard, I looked at Frank and Mikey and the two of them smiled at me, so I just grabbed the mic and started singing.

Don't wish it away

Don't look at it like it's forever

Between you and me, I could honestly say

That things can only get better

I know I was way out of tune, my voice was shaking, as well as my knees, and I can't hold a note for the life of me. But I looked at my girlfriend, who was still shocked to see me on stage and noticed her big, beautiful smile. And that's all I needed to continue singing with all my heart.

And while I'm away

Dust out the demons inside

And it won't be long before you and me run

To the place in our hearts where we hide

Surprisingly, and despite how awful of a singer I am, the crow started cheering. I could see Hotch and Rossi clapping, along with Morgan from the bar, as Penelope kept recording everything. I chuckled as I heard them cheering and focused my entire attention on (Y/N)'s eyes. I was scared she would freak out and run out of the bar. And that wasn't even the most stressful part of my plan. What did I get into? I didn't care at that moment, because I knew she was totally worth any sacrifice.

(Y/N)'s point of view

What on earth was Spencer doing on that stage? Why was he doing that?! How the fuck did Frank and Mikey get on board with this?! I didn't know what to think or what to do. I just stood there, in front of my boyfriend, who kept singing with all his heart and was absolutely out of tune, one of my favorite songs ever.

And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Time on my hands could be time spent with you

Laughing like children, livin' like lovers

Rolling like thunder under the covers

And I guess that's why they call it the blues

He reached one of my hands at the end of the chorus and helped me walk onto the stage. He kissed my hand as I stood by his side and looked at the audience for a second. Everybody here is cheering. Did they know this was going to happen?!

Just stare into space

Picture my face in your hands

Live for each second without hesitation

And never forget I'm your man

I chuckled nervously as Spencer pronounced those words in front of our friends. He actually wrapped an arm around my waist and swung with me, dancing on our spot. I was glad Morgan didn't hear him saying that. Well, Frank and Mikey did and they were gonna tease him just as much as Derek would. If not more.

Wait on me, girl

Cry in the night if it helps

But more than ever, I simply love you

More than I love life itself

Spencer kept holding my hand and spun me a few times as he sang. He was nailing it, he was owning that stage. I knew he was scared, but he was committed to his performance. I couldn't help but giggle the entire time, I was so nervous everybody was staring at us, and cheering at Spencer. But at the same time, I was so moved he had prepared this in secret just for me, to show me how much he loves me. It was the most romantic thing on earth, and I didn't know how I was going to top that.

And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Time on my hands could be time spent with you

Laughing like children, livin' like lovers

Rolling like thunder under the covers

And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Spencer finished singing and the bar blew up. Everybody was cheering and he just looked at me laughing, neither of us really processing what was going on. He bowed and waved at the crowd, but instead of walking out of the stage, as I thought we would, he turned to me and started talking on the mic.

- "Chipmunk, I know I am not the best singer on earth by far, but you are always singing the most beautiful songs to me and that always melts my heart. So I thought I needed to reciprocate you in the most painfully romantic way possible."

I chuckled as he spoke and looked around. Frank and Mikey were with Lu standing at one side of the stage, and "Baby, I'm yours" by the Arctic Monkeys started playing at the back. The whole place was filled with fairy lights and the main lights were dimmed, so it looked pretty romantic for a rock bar.

- "You have made me the happiest man alive ever since the day I met you. Just getting to live my life next to you was enough for me to die happy. But now that I've got you, that you are mine the way I am yours, I just... can't"- Spencer's voice broke and I held his hand tighter.

- "I love you"- I said as tears started falling from my eyes. He smiled and nodded, kissing my hand.

- "I love you too, ma chèrie. And I know this might be too soon for some people, but you and I wasted too much time hiding our feelings from each other. That's why tonight I need to ask you the only thing that could make me complete."

I froze as I stared at Spencer searching for something in his pocket and coming down on one knee in front of me. The crowd gasped as I widened my eyes, not even able to breathe. It was happening. It was actually happening.

- "(Y/N) (Y/L/N) would you marry me?"

I covered my mouth with both hands as I stared at my sweet prince charming, offering an incredibly beautiful ring to me. I looked into his eyes and started giggling, absolutely nervous and giddy with excitement, at the time I nodded and he smiled.

- "Of course I'd marry you, honey!"- in a second, he jumped from the floor and wrapped his arms around me. The entire place started cheering as Spencer hugged me and kissed me.

- "Really?"- he asked, shaking and I nodded, kissing him again.

- "Yes, really. I love you so much!"

- "I love you more!"- we kissed again and Spencer placed the ring on my finger. I stared at it and laughed, still in shock at what had just happened.

- "Congratulations!"- Frank, Lu, and Mikey screamed at the same time as they hugged us.

- "I can't believe this is happening"- I said as I chuckled- "And how did you guys get into this?"

- "Come on, let's get off the stage and we'll tell you everything"- Frank said and started walking. But neither Spencer nor I could move, 'cos someone grabbed my arm and pulled me.

- "Munchkin!! Boy genius!! Oh my god!! You're getting married!!"

- "Penelope?! What are you doing here?!"- I was confused, and it didn't get better when I realized Rossi, Hotch, JJ, Will, and Morgan were there as well.

- "Reid told us we had to come today for a surprise. And now we are all in shock"- Rossi said and tapped Spence's cheek- "Congratulations, kid."

- "Thank you for coming"- my boyfriend said as everybody hugged us.

- "We have so much planning to do!"- and of course, Garcia was ecstatic.

- "Lover boy!!"- Derek teased Spencer- "I can't believe you are getting married!"

- "Guys! We have to clean the stage for the next band, come on!"- Frank announced and clapped his hands- "We can keep celebrating back home!"

- "What?"- I asked and widened my eyes, still in shock.

- "I organized a little get-together at our apartment for tonight"- Spencer confessed, blushing even more- "I hoped you'd say yes and I thought maybe we could have a glass of champagne at our apartment afterward."

- "What? What do you mean with our apartment boy wonder?"- Garcia asked in shock. I opened my mouth to explain, but her expression left me speechless.

- "We... actually started living together a few weeks ago"- Spencer confessed, blushing, maybe a little embarrassed. Sure, he was cool performing in front of a whole bar, but he was nervous to tell our friends we were in fact living together.

- "And you didn't tell us?!"

- "We wanted to keep it a secret for a while until things were more settled and..."- Spencer tried to explain and I nodded. And all I managed to say was:

- "Surprise!!"- and felt Spencer's arms around me again. I stared at him, tears filling my eyes as I held his hand tight and simply smiled.

- "I love you so much, honey bunny."

- "I love you more, ma cherie."

- "Come on! Knock it off!"- Mikey argued, but Lu laughed at him.

- "They are about to get way worse, so get used to it."

- "Shit, and we have to work with them"- Rossi added, making us laugh as we walked out of the bar.

While we were out of our apartment, Lu managed to get everything ready for us. Spencer had gotten drinks and food in advantage and hidden it all at Lu's. I was shocked. I honestly never saw any of that coming. As soon as I opened the front door I read the "Congratulations Reids" sign hanging on the wall and nearly started crying again. There were balloons and decorations, it was a party! And I was completely in the dark about everything.

- "Spencer Walter Reid, you lied to me"- I argued as I stared around us. The team and our friends were getting settled and I still couldn't believe I was engaged to my best friend.

- "Yes, for three weeks I kept lying to you every day"- he confessed with a massive grin- "I was a little worried your profiling skills were not working at all this entire time."

- "Hey! I trusted you! Now I know I can't!"

- "No, you can't stop trusting me now, how am I going to surprise you for our anniversaries to come?"- Spencer held me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist, and kissed my lips sweetly.

- "I am never going to get used to seeing you acting like a couple"- JJ said and shook her head. I hugged Spencer and hid my face against his chest.

- "You kinda get used to it after you bump into them sucking faces every day for a month"- Morgan said (more like complaining) but still kept a silly grin on his face.

- "Yes, Strauss even forced us to go through an entire PDA seminar because of those two"- Rossi added, chuckling.

- "That wasn't just our fault!"- I argued right away- "I don't call my coworker chocolate thunder."

- "No, but it's a known fact that your coworker tells you during his lunch break that he wants to read to you while you are naked in bed"- Penelope's words made me blush in less than a second, and what made it all worse was knowing Mikey and Frank heard her.

- "Read her naked? That's nothing, once I walked into them having phone sex"- Frank said right away and I nearly yelled.

- "We were not having phone sex!!"

- "Situation said otherwise"- my friend added nonchalantly and I smacked his arm right away.

- "I swear, if you keep telling that story, you are not going to the wedding"- I threatened Frank and he fakely gasped, pretending to be insulted.

- "Ok guys, enough."- Spencer chuckled - "How about we make a toast?"

Everyone grabbed a glass and champagne bottles appeared out of the blue. I held my glass and Spencer's hand as I watched him thank our friends.

- "Honestly, this wouldn't have been possible without Frank, Mikey, and Lu. Thank you so much, guys, for all your help. Frank, I know you struggled hearing me sing during rehearsals"- Paco chuckled right away and raised his glass.

- "I never heard anyone who sang worst than me, you really gave me hope, doc."

- "I'm glad I inspired you"- Spencer laughed and continued- "Thank you guys for helping me propose to my lovely lady, I will always be grateful for all your support and encouragement during the last couple of days."

- "It was a pleasure, doc"- Mikey said raising his glass- "We all knew this was going to happen eventually anyway."

- "Yeah, it was shocking, but none of us is actually in shock right now"- Garcia added as everybody nodded- "Except for the fact you never told us you were living together."

- "I'm glad to hear that, 'cos I was a little scared you were all going to say it's too soon"- Spencer confessed and looked at our friends.

- "Kid, after how long it took you to tell her how you felt, I am glad you proposed within two months"- Rossi's words made me chuckle. Spencer raised his glass and simply said.

- "Thank you for sharing this amazing moment with us."

- "Cheers"-everybody replied and sipped their drinks.

- "Also, I hope you know this is not your engagement party. I am throwing you one in a few weeks in my mansion"- David announced and everyone cheered.

- "Thank you, papa pasta"- I reached out and held his hand for a moment, he squeezed it and cut me a big grin- "And thank you all for coming. I am sure you were all shocked when you heard the band."

- "The band was great, but when boy wonder stepped on the stage I was like "Wow! I never saw this coming in a million years'"- Penelope said- "And then he proposed and it all made sense! I kinda suspected this could happen tonight, but I refused to have hopes. After all the years you made us wait to get together, I really thought this was gonna take another five years in the making."

Spencer's point of view

I stared at (Y/N) standing on the other side of the room, piling dishes and glasses in the sink. Everybody was gone after sharing a happy moment with us. Finally. Don't get me wrong, I love our friends, but that night I realized that the ring on (Y/N)'s finger might be the biggest turn-on I had ever had.

I stood by the kitchen door and stared at her in silence. She looked gorgeous even doing daily chores. I still couldn't believe she wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. I was just a man and she was a goddess, how could she long for a lifetime with me? It made no sense. I had never been so lucky before. I had never been lucky at all, in fact. So if that goddess had fallen in love with me, the only thing left to do was to worship her as she deserved. And that I knew I could do until the day I died.

- "What is my lovely ​fiancée doing?"- I asked as I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her middle, standing right behind her.

- "Cleaning a little, so we don't have a messy kitchen in the morning"- she replied and rested her head against my chest- "I loved the way you just called me ​fiancée, by the way."

- "Did you know back in the mid-19th century, English borrowed that word from variants of the French verb fiancer, which means "to betroth"?

- "I love it when you talk facts, my sweet fiancé. Tell me more"- she whispered as she turned and faced me with a big grin.

- "The masculine form of the word is fiancé, with just an e at the end; while the feminine form is fiancée, with a double e, though the pronunciation of both is identical."- she smiled and kissed me, playing with her sweet lips against mine and running her tongue between them for a very brief instant. Way too brief for my liking.

- "Who would have imagined?"- she replied and smiled.

- "I'm guessing you, 'cos I just remembered you are a master in linguistics"- (Y/N) chuckled and nodded.

- "It's ok, it sounds cooler when you say it."

- "That's not ok. Let me make it up for that lousy fact, ma cherie."

- "How are you planning to do that, honey bunny?"- I just smiled and scooped her in my arms to start walking to our room- "What are you doing?"

- "Showing you how much I love being your fiancé, with just one e"- she laughed as I laid her on the bed and hovered over her, kissing her immediately. My hands cupped her face as I held her in place, positioning my body right upon hers. Her fingers played with my hair, and I moaned against her lips at the sensation. I loved it when she did that. I could live in that kiss and die happy any second.

- "You have been extremely romantic today, honey"- she whispered and giggled- "Maybe I should reward you."

- "No chipmunk. Tonight you are mine."

- "I'm yours"- she whispered and smiled as if the sentence had just hit her- "I've always been yours and now I'm gonna be yours until the end of time."

Her words melted my heart and I had to fight the tears, because of all the sweet things she had said to me over the years, those words were the prettiest and most meaningful. I caressed her cheeks and kissed her again, tasting her in my mouth. The warmth of her body underneath me was captivating, and it felt like a magnet, keeping me in place, unable to move.

- "I wanna feel you in me"- she whispered against my lips- "Please."

To hear her begging made my cock get even harder underneath my clothes. And that was a problem: there was too much clothing on us at the moment.

My hands quickly, but carefully peeled off her clothes from her body, as she tried to do the same with me, getting rid of my sweater and shirt in no time. She was now naked underneath me and I stood for a second to get out of my pants and boxers, as I stared at her in adoration.

- "Did you know that ring makes you look very sexy?"- I confessed as she blushed more, if possible.

- "No, I had no idea."

- "Yes, I can't imagine what your wedding ring will make you look like. I'm gonna have trouble keeping my hands off you after we get married"- (Y/N) laughed and I finally got rid of all my clothes and quickly returned to my place, between her legs. I kissed her with hunger as my hands moved up and down her body, as my hard cock rubbed against her clit.

- "Why would you try to keep your hands off me? I'm gonna be your wife, you'll have to fuck me hard every day. That'll be your duty"- she murmured between kisses, and I groaned at the thought of her being my wife- "And you wanna fulfill your conjugal chores, don't you?"

- "Yes"- I managed to give her a breathy answer as I focused on leaving sloppy kisses on her neck, as one of my hands pinched her nipple, toying with it between my fingers. I felt one of her hands moving slowly to my dick, and she slowly guided it to her entrance.

- "Eager, aren't we?"- I whispered and she giggled.

- "You have no idea how much I want you right now, daddy"

- "Tell me"- I begged right away, as her fingers played with my dick, stroking it and teasing me.

- "I want you so much I nearly dragged you to the bathroom earlier when the guys were still here. I've been wet since we were at the diner, and I just wanted to come back home and feel you filling every inch of me. I need you to feel your cum dripping from me."

- "Fuck"- I mumbled and focused on her breast again, licking them as she kept stroking me. Until this time, I begged her- "Please, let me fuck you. I need to feel you wrapped around my cock."- but she didn't reply. Instead, she guided me right to her entrance and my dick moved in slowly.

- "Oh god"- she mumbled against my shoulder- "You feel so good, Spencer. Please, fuck me."

And she didn't need to ask me twice. I slowly started moving inside her, as my lips focused on her neck, exposed to my will.

- "Is this what you were longing for, ma cherie?"- I asked her and she nodded, biting her lips, as soft moans erupted from her. That was music to my ears. I moved faster, feeling her nails scratching my back. I held her close to me the entire time as if she might disappear from one minute to the other. Which, I had always been afraid of.

- "I love you so much"- I heard her whispering- "Yes, daddy, just like that"

- "Oh, ma cherie, you are so tight and so warm, I really could just live inside you."

- "I won't object"- she answered and giggled- "I just wanna be yours"

- "And I, yours"- I rested my forehead on hers and stared at her beauty for a minute, trying to soak it all in.

- "Please, marry me"- I literally pleaded and she smiled.

- "You already asked and I already said yes, honey"- I nodded and sped up my peace, feeling her wrapped around my cock, all warm and wet, just like heaven.

- "And can we have a lot of babies?"- the question slipped my lips without me actually thinking of it, and when I heard it, I realized I had fucked it up. That wasn't the moment, I knew it, but I couldn't help it.

- "All the babies you want"- she gasped and looked at me. I smiled and so did she. Our lips were inches apart, and her moans kept encouraging me to fuck her a little harder, a little faster.

- "That's a dangerous answer, ma cherie."- I whispered and bit her lower lips, earring a soft whimper from her.

- "I'll take my chances."- she smiled and kissed me. I moved one of my hands between her legs and slowly started rubbing her clit, feeling her tremble underneath me.

- "Please don't stop, honey."

- "As you wish"

I could feel her walls pulsating around me as her moans became louder. She hid her face on the crock of my neck and bit me as her climax approached faster. I could feel my own release getting closer as well.

- "Please Spencer"- she whimpered.

- "What do you need, ma cherie?"

- "Make me cum, I wanna cum with you and feel you spilling inside me"

- "Fuck!"-

I rested my forehead against her and kissed her slowly. My hips kept crashing against her body as waves of pleasure rocked us. I kept up with my pace and felt her rise her hips a little, helping me reach that exact point inside her that made her come undone.

Her body twisted in pleasure as my fingers kept playing with her clit and I watched her cum underneath me as an opera. I could watch her unravel in pleasure forever.

- "I love you"- she whispered, panting, and kissed my lips before I let myself go into the pleasure and came inside her with a loud groan. She wrapped her arms around me as tight as possible while I came, and kissed my neck, marking me.

- "I love you too"- I managed to say a few minutes later, feeling the sweat on my forehead and her fingers playing with my hair again.

- "Sir, you are too good to me"- she whispered and smiled- "You make me so happy sometimes I feel it's not fair."- I chuckled and kissed the top of her nose, as I stayed still inside of her for a few more minutes, enjoying her warmth.

- "I know exactly how you feel, chipmunk."

(Y/N) was asleep next to me later that night, but I wasn't able to close my eyes. Her head rested on my chest as my arms still held her close to my body. I sighed and tried to chase away every sad and depressing thought from my head. I was too happy to be real, and that scared me. I had never been that happy and a voice inside me kept reminding me I didn't really deserve it.

- "Please, never leave me"- I whispered and kissed the top of her head.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The news of our engagement made mom and dad very happy. They were so excited they actually planned a family dinner with my brother (who was now single again) and no one fought. No one. It was magic. I had never seen mom so excited before in my life. She hugged Spencer over ten times during the night. And each time I reminded her he didn't like touching, but he dismissed my words with a smile and a simple shake of his head.

- "It's ok, chipmunk. I like feeling welcome."

- "Oh god! You are so welcome in this family, Spencer!"- and so, mom hugged him again, making dad laugh.

- "I had never seen her so happy before."- I pointed out as I poured more wine.

- "That's 'cos she was sure you were never going to get married"- Phoenix explained and lifted his glass to me, waiting to serve him some more as well- "Because of your work, not because you couldn't"- he added with a smile.

- "Sure..."

Diana was excited as well. Spencer sent her a letter telling her how the proposal went, and I added a polaroid picture of us from that night's celebration. When Spencer told me it was his mother who gave him the ring, I wrote her a whole letter myself, in gratitude not only for the gesture but also for her support. She replied in a few days, with a lovely letter calling me officially her daughter, and notifying me she would call me only that so from now on. Her letter also included a quote from Plato, which seemed so fitting for the moment it watered up my eyes when I read it: "Every heart sings a song, incomplete until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet."

I was in heaven.

Until we got a five am call to go to the BAU on a Wednesday morning. That wasn't normal. And there was not enough coffee in the entire FBI to keep me awake that morning. I sat at the table in the meeting room and looked around at my friend's sleepy faces. Derek was serious, staring at his notebook, Rossi and Seaver were talking about something, and Spencer was playing with my hand on the table. García walked in, looking scared, and stared at us, counting.

- "Where's Hotch?"

- "Any minute."- Rossi replied, not taking his eyes from his iPad screen

- "I didn't get a file sent to me. Did a case go directly to him?"- she asked as she sat down at the other side of the table.

- "Don't know."

- "When's the last time he called a meeting this early?"- Seaver asked and I was scared of that answer, 'cos it was the thought I had ever since the phone rang and I didn't even want to bring it up to not scare Spencer. Though it was obvious he knew it too.

- "Three years, eight months ago."- he answered and I squeezed his hand.

- "And what happened?"- Seaver seemed confused.

- "Gideon left."- I whispered and Spencer nodded. That freaked García right away.

- "Who's leaving?!"

- "Nobody's leaving, babygirl"- Derek sentenced right away, but he looked at us and I could read the nervousness on his face. He wasn't sure of what was happening, none of us were. And after Emily's death, I was afraid to lose another teammate. And sometimes I felt my life with Spencer was so perfect, something very bad was bound to happen.

- "I appreciate everyone coming in early."- Hotch said suddenly, walking in a hurry.

- "What's going on?"- Rossi questioned right away and my heart skipped a beat in fear of very bad news.

- "The Director called a meeting last night to discuss budgets."

- "They skipped over Strauss?"- Rossi seemed shocked.

- "She's away."- Aaron dismissed the question and continued- "The Bureau is facing a lot of changes and this unit is no exception. Over the next few weeks, each of you is going to be asked if you'd like to stay with the unit.

- "What?"- the question just left my lips and never went through my brain.

- "Why wouldn't we?"- Spencer asked, confused and I immediately held his hand again, going against all the PDA rules.

- "There are other options for you out there. And while I want the unit to stay together, I understand completely if you want to see what the alternatives are."

Hotch looked at us with something that could be described as crestfallen, but he kept trying to hide it behind his hardest face. I looked at Spencer and he turned to me. Neither of us liked the idea of leaving the BAU, and less the thought of losing another teammate. This was really bad timing.

- "Morgan, there's renewed interest in you from the New York office."- Hotch added and we all turned to Derek right away.

- "Nobody's called me."

- "They will."

- "That doesn't mean I'm gonna go."

- "Oh, I know."

- "Are you staying here?"- Seaver asked and I focused all my attention on reading Hotch's face as the thought his answer and finally said:

- "It's my intention."- it was clear it wasn't his decision to make. Someone wanted to shake our team. But why?- "All I ask is if you are contacted by another division that you let me know."

Hotch's speech was cut by his cell phone. I was still shocked and scared as I heard him saying to whoever had called that we were going to be there in 20 minutes. None of us moved our eyes from him during the time that phone call lasted.

- "Virginia State police believe they've uncovered a serial killer. They need us at Zacha Road and Route 7 as soon as possible. Morgan, you and Dave get out there."

- "What about this?"- I asked him and Penelope nodded.

- "Yes, we need to talk about this, Hotch."

- "We can talk about it later."- he simply replied and stood up. I looked at my teammates, all of us still trying to process what had just happened. But there was no time, we had to catch a serial killer. Again.

- "Relax, you know I'm not going anywhere"- I said to my boyfriend as soon as I reached his desk.

- "I know. Me neither."- he assured me and we both nodded as if we had just made a silent vow- "Well, I guess this is gonna be a long day."

- "I'll make a nice dinner to compensate."- my words made him smile and his eyes shone with happiness. We had each other, and that was all that mattered at that moment.

Spencer's point of view

(Y/N) made coffee and we started working on the geographic profile of the case with Ashley. Hotch locked himself in his office and none of us mentioned what had happened during the morning. Instead, we just worked. So far, all we knew was that a potential serial killer was killing and moving victims between states.

- "The only reason we have this case is because of an accident."- I mumbled, staring at the map.

- "You know the odds of that?"- Ashley asked and I heard my girlfriend chuckling.

- "Is that rhetorical? 'Cos you know he does"- Ashley smiled at (Y/N)'s comment as I just continued staring at the map on the board.

- "You think the unsub is working alone?"- Ashley asked us, but instead, (Y/N) asked her.

- "What do you think?"

- "Unlikely. It's high-risk to move one body out of state, but two?"- Seaver answered, and my girlfriend nodded.

- "Let's check the facts. Paige was abducted months after having Jake in captivity, and he traveled with both, which means he's criminally sophisticated."- (Y/N) pointed out as I nodded

- "Yes, it seems more like an organized operation as opposed to an individual offender."- I added, as she continued speaking.

- "Then he's probably done this before."

- "You think there are more victims out there?"- Ashley asked and I shook my head.

- "Impossible to say until we figure out how those two were targeted."

García walked in and held (Y/N)'s arm. She seemed excited or nervous. Probably both.

- "She is here!"

- "Who?"- (Y/N) wide opened her eyes and looked outside to the bullpen.

- "SSA Andi Swan! She's the head of the Domestic Trafficking Task Force and I love her work, she is a genius!"

- "Why is she here? Do you think Hotch is interviewing her as Emily's replacement?"- (Y/N)'s words froze me. I never thought of anyone replacing Emily, and getting a new teammate didn't feel right just yet.

- "Apparently she is collaborating with the case. Anyway, I have to run open cases for the last two years without any parameters to narrow it down, so I'll leave you, kids, for a while"- Garcia waved and walked out of the conference room.

- "Considering they are traveling with their victims, we need agent Swan's help"- I sipped my coffee and (Y/N) turned to me, nodding.

- "Yeah, and we need all the help we can get to finish this case quickly."

- "How are the wedding plans by the way?"- Seaver asked out of the blue. The fact she was the only one on the team I didn't invite to the proposal wasn't really a shock to anyone, 'cos they all knew she and (Y/N) had a very rocky relationship until Prentiss' death, and I didn't want to push it. She congratulated us as soon as she heard the news, though. And so far, she has acted very nice about it.

- "Slow"- (Y/N) sighed, staring at a bunch of papers- "We have been trying to find a place for the reception, but we haven't had much time to visit any because we have been way too busy with cases."

- "Rossi said you could use his mansion"- Ashley suggested- "That's a nice venue"

- "Yeah, we know, but we don't want to take advantage of his generosity."- I say and smile- "Besides, we still got time"

- "Yeah, we are not in a hurry."- (Y/N) added the second Hotch walked in with agent Swan, and they started filling us in with everything the Domestic Traffic task force knew about the case.

The wedding plans had been stressful, but fun. It was something I never pictured myself doing, but it was fulfilling in a way. (Y/N) and I were working on our budget and our guesses list. I was glad we didn't know many people. She asked if I wanted to invite my dad, but I didn't want to, it didn't feel right. We still hadn't set a date, but we weren't in a rush. We just wanted everything to be perfect.

- "Here are the missing coeds since 2009."- García's voice took me from my thoughts as she walked into the office and left a considerable pile of files on the table.

- "Wow."- Seaver's reaction was funny, both (Y/N) and I smiled as we saw her shocked face.

- "Thank you sweety"- my girlfriend thanked our friend- "Let's look at the last-known locations on these files. Maybe there's an overlap, so we can start narrowing this down"

- "They're from all over the place."- Penelope whispered the bad news and (Y/N) frowned.

- "Fuck, ok so then let's think. These guys hunt in target-rich environments, right? Let's start looking for clubs, malls, that kind of thing."- (Y/N) turned to Seaver and the two of them started going through the files at once.

- "What are Morgan and Rossi finding?"- I asked García

- "Uh, a lot of mud on the car and the victims."

- "Mud? Did it rain here?"- I frowned confused. That didn't make much sense.

- "No, not here. South. Morgan has a theory that based on the gas mileage, they must have filled up within 70 miles of the accident."- García explained as I nodded

- "Gotcha. How many gas stations do you find?"

- "Forty-two".

- "How'd you narrow that down?"- I asked and she stared at me perplex

- "I didn't."

- "Why not?"

- "I didn't have any more parameters."

- "Never stopped you before."- she looked at me and sighed, turning around and heading back to her office, shouting "I'll be right back!" on her way out. I looked at (Y/N) and she sighed.

- "You are doing the dishes tonight"

- "What? Why?"

- "Thanks, Reid."- Seaver added and I just stared at them, confused.

But I didn't have to do the dishes, 'cos we weren't home for dinner. We were stuck with the case and with an SSA missing, probably taken by the group. Meanwhile, we were all still thinking about that morning's meeting and the future of our team. Was this our last case together? Who was going to leave? I just wanted to solve the case as fast as possible.

As the team left to catch the unsubs, (Y/N) and I were left in the BAU with García in her office, following the whole mission.

- "I schedule two visits for this weekend if we are in town"- (Y/N) announced suddenly- "The Art Club of Washington and The Red Fox inn Tavern."

- "Jesus! That place is amazing!"- Penelope nearly jumped from her chair as she heard (Y/N)'s words- "How into the planning are you?"

- "Not really too advanced"- my fiancée sighed- "We've got time to settle on the guest list and a budget. That's it."

- "Honey, that's more than you had two months ago."- I smiled at Pen's words and wrap an arm around (Y/N)'s shoulders as she kept staring at her hands on her lap.

- "Are you ok?"- I whispered and she took a few seconds to answer. And when she did, she cuts me a short smile and nods.

- "I really hated Hotch's talk this morning"- she mumbles- "I don't want anything to change. I can't deal with change again."

- "Nothing will change between us, I can promise you that."- I replied and kissed her temple. She sighed and nodded, trying to smile at me. Somehow, I felt as if I was lying to her. I didn't want anything to change, but I couldn't promise that either.

And I had no idea that in less than four months, everything I knew would fall to pieces. 

You can read the whole trip to Hawaii story here

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[tmpestuous]

moth to a flame - 3

series masterlist

summary: bucky barnes was the love of your life, and you were his. there was no denying it. but after two years of dating, you found yourselves on different paths and decided it was best to go your separate ways. the only problem was how drawn you’d always be to him even after moving on.

pairing: College!Bucky x Reader

chapter warnings: mentions of alcohol, angst and sadness, Atlas is kind of (really) an asshole, possessive/protective Bucky (because he deserves a warning), verbal argument 

word count: 4.5k

a/n:  A bit of a longer update after the long wait! Things are getting juicy… I hope you guys enjoy &lt;3

“does he know the pictures that you keep?”

Bucky had really held out on his personal promise to himself to move on, though the process had never been more challenging. 

He was no stranger to girls lining up for him; it was a common occurrence before he met you. As soon as word spread about your breakup and your moving on, it hadn’t failed to start once again. Bucky had been on constant dates, maybe bringing a girl or two back, though he never had them stay. He had felt as though he was just borrowing some friction from strangers. It was his way of distracting himself from the evident resentment he had for his own actions, how easily he let you slip out of his fingers.

The truth was that none of the girls Bucky had spent time with could ever distract him from you. He was bored because none of them were as interesting as you. They weren’t as smart as you, as humble as you, as caring as you. They weren’t you. They never would be. 

But Bucky promised. He promised he’d be there for you, and he couldn’t fulfill that promise if he didn’t move on.

Recently, Bucky was seeing a new girl: Sharon. He had met her in one of his classes and much to his luck, Steve actually knew her and told him that she was a really nice girl. Bucky had never anticipated getting involved with someone like Sharon, and if he was being honest, he’d assume she was more Steve’s type and vice versa. Nonetheless, he really enjoyed getting to know her. 

He knew his feelings for you wouldn’t subside so fast, but he didn’t find himself comparing Sharon to you while he was with her. That gave him a glimpse of hope, a glimpse of finally pulling himself from the hole he’d been stuck in for so long. It was a foreign feeling—the thought of letting you go—but given the fact that you had already done so, it was the right thing to do. 

About three weeks had passed since that night after the party, the night you told Bucky you needed him. Since then, Bucky had seen you about half as much as usual. Natasha said you were caught up on finishing your research for your major, working endlessly on preparing the presentation you needed to give at the university’s annual research seminar. Plenty of research journal editors would be in attendance, hoping to find a research study worth publishing. You wouldn’t stop until you ensured your research was perfect. 

Bucky knew once you got immersed in your schoolwork, it was difficult to pull you away from it. He’d seen it plenty of semesters prior, and he couldn’t blame you. You were one of the smartest people he knew, a quality of yours he never failed to admire. 

He decided not to seek you out as he usually would have when you were together, but rather forced himself to try and be a better friend for you. Bucky wanted to be someone you could trust without worrying about old feelings or possible conflict arising. He owed that much to you after you made it clear you didn’t want to lose him despite everything. He also knew he was on the same page.

When Natasha had invited him up to your shared suite as they walked together after class, he politely declined. Bucky was well aware you wouldn’t be in much of a mood to talk or pay attention to anything other than your task at hand. You had always valued how much he appreciated and understood your work ethic, never overstepping. Bucky didn’t want to push that boundary now. 

As Bucky continued his trek back to his residence hall, Natasha made her way up to your suite. Much to her surprise, Atlas was in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water as he noted the redhead’s presence.

“Hey, Nat,” he greeted with a half-smile.

“Hi, Atlas,” she returned the greeting. “Is Y/n in her room?”

Atlas nodded, “She’s just finishing up her report. Seems pretty stressed, so I’m just waiting out here for her to finish before we go out to eat.”

Nodding at his response, Natasha made her way to your closed bedroom door. You could never be mad at Natasha for checking on you, especially when she would never let you live it down if you had been. Nonetheless, she was your best friend and you knew she only had your best interests in mind, so you always made an exception for her. 

You were about to complain, assuming it was Atlas behind the door, until you saw Nat’s head peek through. 

“You know, I’m surprised you’re alive and well with how long you’ve spent in this room,” she teased.

“Hi, Nat,” you said, rolling your eyes playfully with a smile. “I’m on the last page of my findings and then I am free.”

“Until tomorrow when you have to present said findings.”

“I didn’t need the reminder,” you said with a whine. “I really need this presentation to go well or I’ll cry.”

“And it will,” she said, letting herself in the room and taking a seat on your bed. “Now why are you letting your boyfriend bore himself to death outside?”

“Well I told him not to come over,” you noted as you returned to typing away on your laptop. “I can’t focus with him ogling me the entire time.”

“Am I not ogling you?”

“It’s not the same, Nat,” you said, flipping a page in your research notebook. 

Atlas hadn’t been in your best graces for a while. You were taking your work more and more seriously as the days went by, dedicating a lot more of your free time to finishing up wherever you needed to. He wasn’t too fond of that, constantly asking you to take a break when you knew you didn’t need one or telling you to take a day off when you knew you couldn’t afford to. 

You were pretty adamant on making this research as thorough as possible, with little to no errors to account for. The competition for a publisher’s attention this year was strong, with big brains like Tony Stark and Bruce Banner giving presentations as well. You couldn’t stand to look pathetic or basic next to them. 

You didn’t ask for much. It’s not like you didn’t take any breaks or completely cut off all contact with the real world. But your time to work was the time you allotted for it, and being distracted wasn’t in your best interest. You had just wished Atlas would understand that rather than nagging you to spend time when you spent more than enough time with him at all times.

“He’s trying, at least, Y/n,” Nat urged. “Don’t shut him out.”

“I’m not,” you replied shortly. “I just shouldn’t have to explain my boundaries all of the time. I appreciate him being here and he could sit in here while I worked if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. That isn’t my fault.”

Giving in, Natasha sighed. “Is it a bad time to talk about Bucky?”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked over at her.

“What’s up with Bucky?”

“He’s seeing someone, just thought you should know.”

“Oh,” you said before turning back to your work. “Good for him, he deserves it.”

“That’s it?” 

“Yes..?” You said, genuinely confused. “I moved on, why shouldn’t he?”

“No, no, I just expected more questions is all,” Natasha put her hands up in surrender. “Are we seeing you after you’re done with your date later?”

You nodded, your eyes not diverting from your work. “Yeah, I shouldn’t be long.”

Patting your shoulder, Natasha left your room.

Bucky moving on was a good sign, but ignoring the weird feeling in your stomach was difficult. You shouldn’t be bothered by it, but for some reason, you were. It felt strange, thinking about Bucky being involved with someone else.

Those thoughts were only selfish, though, seeing as you were in a relationship of your own with a completely different person. Second guessing your decisions always got the best of you and moving on was one of those choices you vowed not to fall back on. Not again.

Was it wrong to feel this way?

**

You had finished your presentation about an hour later, heading out to eat with a slightly heated Atlas, a demeanor not really hidden from anyone. 

“Are you okay?” You asked him as the waiter left to get your check. “You’ve been off since we left the dorm.”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he responded with no hesitation, his tone short. “Just thinking.”

“About?” You inquired.

“Natasha spent some time in your room and you didn’t complain about being distracted then,” he finally admitted. “So how come it changes with me?”

You sighed. “Atlas, I’m sorry, it’s just not—“

“Would you have complained if it was Bucky?”

Shaking your head, you sighed once again. “Yes, I would have. Where is this coming from?”

“Just wondering.”

This wasn’t the first time Atlas had been bothered by something before dropping Bucky’s name into the conversation. It frustrated you, especially because it made you feel awful that he’d compare himself to your ex when you were committed to him. You had your moments of doubt, but you knew who you were loyal to and in what capacity.

“I said that I’m sorry,” you urged once more. “I could have phrased my words better, I just got irritated with you asking me when I’d be done every five minutes. I finished, I’m here with you now. Let’s not fight about it.”

Atlas nodded and took his card out as the waiter came with the check, paying the bill before you both left. 

The car ride back was fairly silent. You could understand where you had gone wrong, but you also felt a bit suffocated every time Bucky had been brought up by Atlas at any given moment.

Bobbing your knee anxiously up and down, you tried not to get stuck in your own thoughts but it was an evident failure. As soon as Atlas parked the car in front of the boys’ dorm, you looked over at him.

“You’re not coming?” You asked.

“I have some fraternity event to attend, so I can’t go,” he said calmly, but you could tell he was still upset. “Text me when you get back to your room.”

“Oh, okay,” you said in defeat, not wanting to argue again. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, right?”

“You know I wouldn’t miss it,” he said as he nodded, catching your attention once more before you exited the car. “Hey, I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have talked to you that way.”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too,” you returned. “I don’t want to fight with you. At all.”

“Me neither,” he agreed. Hesitantly, he bit his lip and you could tell he had something else on his mind. “Can I ask you a question?”

Once you nodded, he turned in his seat to face you.

“Do you keep any photos of you and Bucky from when you were together?”

Furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you shook your head. “I’m confused.”

“While you were working, I noticed you were getting a few texts. I went to silence your phone but I noticed Bucky’s contact picture was still one from when you were together. With your head on his shoulder and him kissing your head. I just wondered if you still kept any other pictures.”

Shaking your head once more, “I don’t have any pictures. I just haven’t changed Bucky’s contact at all.”

He nodded. “Okay. Thank you for answering.”

You kissed his cheek before getting out of the car without another word, Atlas driving off as soon as you closed the door. 

Sighing a third time to yourself this late afternoon, you walked up to the building and entered luckily as someone opened the front door. 

You hated yourself for lying, but it’s not like you were holding onto old pictures with Bucky on purpose. You just hadn’t deleted any pictures, and for a while, you were harping on the idea that you two would realize you made a mistake and get back together.

Another fight with Atlas over Bucky would drain you. You moved on from him, you weren’t enticed by seeing him or tempted to get back with him. Bucky was one of your best friends and that wouldn’t change with a relationship. Provoking another fight would have ended badly.

At least that’s what you convinced yourself of.

You were grateful Atlas was opening up to you more while also acknowledging your feelings, though the road was still rocky. Times like this only made you constantly think about how you’d never have any issues like this with Bucky, but, of course, the circumstances were different.

Atlas was good to you. You both had your moments but he treated you the way you’d want to be treated. He understood you (for the most part). You once again felt bad about him comparing himself to Bucky, and hated yourself whenever you also did so subconsciously. Nonetheless, you were glad you could both somewhat talk about it and move past it. 

Taking the elevator up to the boys’ floor, you walked down the hallway and knocked three times, shoving your hands in your jacket pocket before Steve opened the door.

“Hey there, little genius,” he greeted you as you shook your head and walked in. “Ready for tomorrow?”

“I hope so,” you breathed out, seeing everyone seated in the living room. “I’m sandwiched right in between Tony and Bruce in the schedule which is not daunting at all.” 

“You have nothing to worry about,” Sam said, taking a sip of his Coke from his seat on the couch. “They’re in a totally different field of study, you’ll do great.”

“Thanks,” you acknowledged before noticing one blue-eyed brunette missing from the bunch. “Where’s Bucky?”

“He’s out with Sharon,” Steve said, sitting next to Natasha at the same time you sat in the love seat next to Pietro.

“Sharon as in Sharon Carter?” You asked.

“Yeah, why?” Steve retorted.

“Oh, no reason,” you shook your head. “I’ve seen her around campus before. Didn’t know she’d be interested in Bucky.”

“Yeah, they’ve been seeing each other for about a week or so,” Sam said while he typed on his phone. “He seems pretty interested.”

“That’s good,” you said, genuinely happy Bucky was moving on. 

You didn’t want him to be stuck on you if you had moved on. It didn’t seem fair nor did it ever make you feel good, especially remembering how anxious you felt before telling him yourself. Bucky deserved to be happy, and that was all you cared about.

After a few games, the group trying to get you to spill all the contents of your research, and a movie, you called it a night. You had also left before Bucky had made it back, missing him by a few minutes since you knew you had to be up early before your presentation. Plus, Bucky would be there to support you so you’d see him then. 

Walking back into his suite, Sam, Steve, and Natasha were still in the living room to see Bucky before retreating to their beds as well. 

“Hey, loverboy,” Sam teased. “How’d it go?”

“Pretty well, actually,” Bucky shrugged his jacket off, hanging it in the closet. “I kind of lost track of time. What’d I miss?”

“Not much,” Nat picked her phone up. “We were just waiting for you to get back before going to be—“ 

Cutting her sentence short, the guys all looked at her.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked first, though they were all curious.

“Y/n mentioned Atlas not coming over because he had a frat event, right?” She asked, her tone coming off hesitant.

“Yeah,” Sam answered. “But she said he didn’t specify what it was, assumed it was some meeting or somethin’.”

“What’s up, Nat?” Bucky inquired once more, seeing the redhead’s face change into a slightly angry one.

“He looks shitfaced drunk in this story,” Natasha said, showing her phone screen to reveal a very wasted Atlas in a picture. “How is he gonna do that the night before Y/n’s big day?”

“Maybe it’s an old picture?” Steve suggested, obviously searching for the best justification.

“Definitely isn’t,” Bucky shot it down. “I had heard about a party but I assumed he was here with you guys.”

“Atlas always gets hungover after a drunken night,” Natasha said next. “Y/n’s presentation is at 8:00AM tomorrow and those frat parties never end earlier than like 4.”

“You really think he’s gonna bail? No way,” Sam interjected.

“Wouldn’t be on purpose,” she locked her phone and set it on the coffee table.

“He’s not gonna bail. Let’s not put that into the universe right before tomorrow,” Bucky said, making his way to his room after saying his goodnites.

He had only hoped for your sake that Atlas would show up tomorrow. Bucky’s protectiveness over you would never subside, relationship or not, and he knew just how important this research was to you.

Not having someone you hold with such high regard to support you would only hurt you. Bucky’s never wanted to see you hurt, especially not by a boy. He made the grand effort to always see your perspective on things, even when you disagreed, just so he’d never hurt your feelings or make you feel small. When it comes to anyone else, he’d be damned to allow that either. 

He really hoped Atlas would come. You deserve that much.

The following morning was excruciating for you. You hadn’t remembered the last time you woke up this early, and it wasn’t even on purpose. 

Your body decided to wake you up at 5AM before proceeding to not let you fall back asleep before your 6:30 alarm.

Already off to an amazing start to your day, Atlas wasn’t picking up his phone, Natasha and Wanda had already made their way over to the boys’ dorm to make sure they were ready, and you were running slightly late.

Check-in was at 7:30, and you walked in at 7:45. 

Amazing. Just amazing. 

After you checked in and made sure all of your work was ready to go, you peeked out into the lobby to see if you could catch a glimpse of anyone.

Bucky and Natasha were standing in line together, looking around just as anxious as you were.

“He has to show up, Nat,” Bucky pushed. “He’s not gonna just bail on her like that. It’s not like him.”

“It’s 8:05 and he isn’t here, Bucky. I’m not all too sure he’d be this late when Atlas is always at least 5 minutes early to everything he shows up to,” Natasha countered. “I swear I am going to kill him when I see him.”

On the opposite end of the doors, you couldn’t make out what they were talking about, especially more focused on trying to contact your boyfriend who was nowhere to be found. As soon as you were about to try once more, one of the moderators tapped your shoulder to let you know to take your seat. 

You sighed and shut your phone off. You had reserved seats for everyone ahead of time, so it’d be no problem for him to show. He was just late, and he’s never late.

The anxiety was eating you alive as you waited for the seminar to start, and it only grew as everyone before you was presenting. 

Looking back to check on the seats, you saw everyone seated but Atlas. Catching Bucky’s eye, he could definitely tell how you were feeling and what you were thinking. He always somehow had the ability to see right through you, and a pep talk from him wouldn’t sound too bad right now. But Tony Stark was just about to start his presentation which only meant you were next, and Bucky shot you a thumbs-up, mouthing ‘you got this’ before you turned back around in your seat. 

As Tony wrapped up his presentation on the ever-expanding world of artificial intelligence, you mentally prepared yourself to give the best presentation you could ever give in your entire college career. 

Your friends gave you looks of encouragement as you walked up to the stage, gathering all of your information as they put your presentation on the screen. 

The anxiety didn’t get the best of you at all. You felt a lot more confident once you had started speaking, knowing every single detail inside and out about your research and your presentation. 

Atlas hadn’t shown up throughout it all. It bothered you in the back of your mind, but it’d be improper to let something like that stump you in front of an auditorium filled with so many people smarter than you could imagine. Overall, you felt confident with your discussion, even surprised by receiving the second standing ovation of the day (which you concluded was only because you went after the Tony Stark), and tons of praise as you returned to your seat.

Feeling as good as you possibly could, Atlas was the last thought in your mind. You were definitely upset with him, but the high you felt from excelling in something you spent so much time and effort on completely overshadowed the current resentment brewing. 

What you hadn’t realized was Atlas slipping in about 20 minutes after your presentation concluded, your focus too centered on Bruce’s presentation on gamma radiation to look over your shoulder.

Bucky, on the other hand, was more than glad to address the elephant in the room that decided to right next to him. 

“You smell like alcohol, Atlas,” Bucky spat at him in a whisper, then grasping Steve’s attention from his other side. 

“I came as fast as I could—“

“Yeah, well you already missed it. She shouldn’t even see you like this to begin with,” Bucky stood up and walked out of the aisle, waiting for Atlas to follow shortly after.

Sighing and exiting out of the auditorium behind Bucky and Steve not too far behind the both of them, Atlas ran a hand through his hair. As soon as they were out of the auditorium and walked out of the building, Bucky turned around to face Atlas. Steve stayed towards the entrance, knowing Bucky could handle it.

“Look, Bucky—“

“No,” Bucky cut him off right away, placing his hands on his hips and staring at Atlas in disbelief. “She doesn’t deserve that, Atlas. At all. I’m more than positive she can and will give you this entire lecture herself so I’ll save you the dramatics, but you can’t seriously expect to show up in the state that you are to try and support her.”

“I didn’t have time to shower, I ran all the way over here—“

Bucky scoffed. “And you still couldn’t even bother to show up on time, huh? An hour and a half. An entire hour and 30 minutes passed before she got on that stage, and you weren’t here.”

“I’m sorry, Barnes, but is Y/n my girlfriend or yours?”

Rubbing a hand across his face in frustration, Bucky did everything he could not to land a clean punch on Atlas’s face for his sake and yours.

“She’s your girlfriend, Atlas,” Bucky answered. “That’s the problem. She’s giving a presentation on something that could give her the opportunities she may have not even dreamed of, and her boyfriend shows up hungover, smelling like alcohol, and late. I was here on time. We all were because that’s the kind of support she needs and deserves. Not what you just pulled.”

It was Atlas’s turn to scoff now, putting his jacket back on. “What is it that you’d like me to do, Barnes? Completely bail on the whole thing? You should at least appreciate the fact that I showed up.”

“I don’t, though, and I won’t. You should leave,” Bucky crossed his arms over his chest, and Atlas could tell he wouldn’t let him back inside that building. 

After taking a deep breath, Atlas gave in and walked away. He knew he didn’t stand a chance against Bucky, to begin with, and he was actually well aware you wouldn’t appreciate your boyfriend fighting with your best friend. Atlas’s thoughts also very much got the best of him, assuming you’d take Bucky’s side over his in a heartbeat. 

Bucky wasn’t happy. He also hated the fact that he still felt so protective over you, but he knew that you deserved better. It was a good thing to do as your friend nonetheless. 

Inside the auditorium, you had noticed Bucky and Steve’s absence, meeting Natasha’s eyes but she seemed as lost as you were. Slipping out of your seat, you walked out of the auditorium, seeing an annoyed Steve and even more annoyed Bucky walking back into the building.

“Go out for a smoke, boys?” You asked them playfully, trying to alleviate the clear tension in the room. Bucky’s eyes softened at the sight of you, making your cheeks feel a bit warm, but you pushed the feeling aside. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, little genius,” Steve pulled you in for a hug. “Nothing to worry about, we just needed some air.”

You nodded as you pulled away from Steve and hugged Bucky next. Steve made his way back inside, but Bucky tugged on your wrist before you could follow. 

“What’s wrong, Buck?” You asked as he looked a bit hesitant to speak to you, not even meeting your gaze entirely.

“Do you love him?” he asked, his voice nothing higher than a whisper.

“What?”

“Atlas, do you really love him?” he asked once more. “And does he really love you? Because I can’t stand by and watch you get anything less than what you deserve, Y/n.”

Bucky’s voice was low, only loud enough for you to hear, and his face was dangerously close to yours. You genuinely couldn’t tell what was happening, or what he and Steve were actually doing. His gaze finally met yours directly, his eyes more grey than blue today.

“I know you have all our pictures and our texts,” he spoke once he realized you wouldn’t. “I know you have your doubts, and hell, do I have some of my own. But regardless, if I’m gonna see you with someone else, I need it to be someone who cares for you, who adores you, who loves you. Does he love you, Y/n?”

Looking straight into his eyes, you nodded. You didn’t even think about it, give it a moment, or second guess it. Going with your gut, you nodded. He nodded once in response.

“Okay, then. But the next time he treats you like this, I might have to take matters into my own hands, prinţesă.” 

Bucky let go of your wrist, and the both of you walked back inside although the presentations were already over. Everyone was scrambling toward the exit so you and Bucky stayed back to wait for everyone else. 

You couldn’t help but think about the last 5 minutes that had just unfolded, while Bucky was pretending as if nothing happened. Draining couldn’t even begin to describe your day, between Atlas flaking on you, you having to present months-long research in front of hundreds of people, and Bucky making you the most speechless you had ever been in your entire life, you couldn’t fathom what was going to happen next. 

The rest of the group quickly made their way towards you and Bucky, each of them giving you a hug, Sam even giving you a “celebratory” pat on the head. You all walked out together, Natasha walking in the back with you as everyone walked ahead and talked amongst themselves. Nat caught your eyes focused on Bucky in his usual, quiet state, listening to everyone else talk with a stoic face that’d make anyone else assume he was in a bad mood. 

“What were you and Barnes talking about?” Natasha asked you, snapping you from your train of thought. 

You weren’t too sure if you should say anything, not exactly knowing how Bucky felt anymore. He was seeing someone, but he had never been so openly protective of you in that manner, let alone warning you of it. It also didn’t help your extended confusion about everything else going on in your head about the situation. 

“He was just apologizing about Atlas not showing up,” you responded quickly, wanting to get away from the group for a bit before going out to dinner. “I’m gonna change out of this outfit before we go out, is that okay?”

Nodding right away, Natasha gave you a side hug as you walked in the opposite direction of the group to your dorm. Bucky couldn’t help but watch as you left, hoping he didn’t overstep, though he really had no regrets.

As you walked into your room, you saw Atlas sitting on your bed, remembering you had given him the key to get past the front door. 

“Hey, swee—”

“Where were you?” you cut him off, not wanting to hear the pet names and soft talking. 

“Y/n, I’m really sorry, okay?”

“That isn’t what I asked you, Atlas,” you said sternly, not letting your guard down. You couldn’t help but think about what Bucky said earlier, about deserving someone who cares about you and loves you. “I trusted you. You told me you’d be there and you missed the entire thing. All of it. I can’t do this if you’re gonna give me absolutely nothing, Atlas. It’s draining.”

“I’m giving you nothing?” he spat in response. “You still love Bucky, Y/n—”

“Bucky is my friend, Atlas. Yes, we dated, we dated for two whole years, but I am with you and you are the one I want to be with. He asked me if you loved me today and I told him you did because I really do believe that you do. I love you too. But I felt so embarrassed today knowing that my boyfriend couldn’t even bother to show up to one of the most important events of my career. I needed you there. I need you, period, and I don’t even know why you didn’t show up. Tell me why.”

He was quiet. You were tired of talking about Bucky, you were tired of him thinking about Bucky. If you had decided to be with Bucky, you’d be with him right now. But you aren’t. You had your own faults, as did anyone, but you really wanted to make this relationship with Atlas work. You couldn’t just break it off over miscommunication and unwarranted jealousy. 

But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t answer and it hurt because you were well aware he did not want to tell you the real reason he didn’t show up.

“Nothing?” you asked, trying to prompt him to speak, but he didn’t.

Feeling the tears well up in your eyes from the sense of betrayal, you sighed to yourself. Still nothing. As a tear fell down your cheek, you wiped it off quickly, not wanting to be vulnerable in front of Atlas at the moment. 

“I need you to leave.”

“Y/n, please don’t do this,” he pleaded.

“Oh, so he does speak,” you said with an intentionally snarky tone. “Leave, Atlas. Please.”

While you were trying your best to hold your composure, Atlas put his jacket on and left you alone in your room, where you evidently crumbled. Closing your bedroom door, you slid against it down to the floor, choking out a sob. You stayed there for a couple of hours, consumed in your thoughts that you couldn’t even begin to interpret.

After a while, you grabbed your phone, calling the familiar contact that you’d probably regret afterward. A few rings and the familiar voice responded.

“Prinţesă? Where are you? I was just about to go and find you since Nat told me you were in your room—” Bucky rambled until he heard a sniffle. “Y/n? Is everything okay?”

“Can you come over please?” your voice cracked as you sniffled once more, still getting over your crying fit.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be on my way, okay? Don’t worry.”

After he hung up, Bucky rushed over as fast as he could, avoiding all the questions everyone was asking him before he walked out of the door. 

He knew he was digging himself into a deeper hole than he was already in, but he couldn’t help it. All Bucky cared about was your well-being, and he was more than positive he’d do anything to ensure it was preserved and protected.

So when he rushed into your room and saw you crying and shaking on the floor, he knew he had to make sure this never happened again.

–

Very happy with the course of this story and I already have the next part planned. Thank you for reading!

tags: @jessybarnes @cjand10 @blulemonades @sebsgirl71479 @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @a-serene-place-to-be @paulasocean @rebloggingmyrecs @sarapolare @barnesselo @roofwitty779

[inkofamethyst]

September 8, 2024

It's been a minute.

In brief: first week was good; finished my hair in three days and it's alright; worked deep into nights to finish the costume; ren faire was amazing!

First Week: I'm getting the feeling that I will have a decent amount of downtime to dedicate to my research and improving my lab skills this semester compared to last year. I was stressed about several things, but they turned out alright in the end. One thing was the primate class I'm taking. I don't have much primate behavioral background, but this class seems like it will mostly just be reading and discussion, so a super super chill seminar (no papers or exams, either!!). I was also worried about the new responsibilities that are lumped onto second years, but they seem manageable, especially with such a "large" cohort.

Hair: they're essentially mini twists with extensions, so I generally like the look of them, but I think the extension quality is lacking. It did take me two additional evenings to finish, but they should be good for at least another two or three weeks. Next time, I may try marley hair.

Costume: I was in the library makerspace for five hours last week to do the main machine-sewing bits. It would've been six but a friend had a last-minute birthday gathering which I forfeited my makerspace reservation to attend (I don't regret that choice, though!). While I couldn't finish everything exactly as I'd hoped to (the bottom hems on the chemise are raw (but I cut/tore them straight across so I wasn't too worried), not enough time to add the ruffle to the chemise (and I wasted like an hour at the machine prepping it before realizing that I still needed to work on the bodice), no "boning" in the bodice (which ultimately was probably for the best, as the canvas interlining was HEFTY (potentially too hefty considering the event lol)), ran out of lining fabric for the bodice so the back pieces are unlined (I was using scrap to begin with, and I'll likely go in and use scraps from the chemise just to cover those back seams)), it still managed to look REALLY COOL. I am SO PROUD of what I managed to accomplish in just a week. GAH I felt so pretty. Even despite all the incomplete bits and things I would change. Every time I looked into a mirror yesterday I would just beam at myself because I felt so good!!! I managed to complete all of my goals (chemise, bodice/corset, skirt hike) to a passable degree, and it brings me so much joy to think about. I did that!!!

Ren Faire: The faire was so good. Plenty of activities, plenty of shops, plenty to see, plenty to eat. My dnd group plus my turquoise-friend were all there for a birthday celebration, and it was a grand time. I got to try archery, I failed to eat a turkey leg by myself, I yelled my throat raw cheering for my assigned (and particularly bloodthirsty) old man knight during the jousts, I tried (and loved) raspberry mead. While my turquoise-friend and I hunted for elf ears that'd match out skin tone, we couldn't find any and instead each bought some gorgeous filigree elven ear cuffs. I adore mine and want to wear them everywhere omg. It was all-around just so great, and I totally want to go back next year.

As I was roaming the faire, it became clear that my outfit wasn't really anything special at a glance. Bodice, chemise, skirt, belt. While, yes, that was my goal, I did take some time to reflect on whether hours of designing, drafting, basting, machine sewing, and hand sewing were worth it to look almost exactly like every other bar maiden/tavern wench who bought a costume from amazon or spirit halloween. I think the answer is that it was worth it, even if the costume wouldn't pass a true seamstress' close inspection. There are absolutely elements to mine that are unlikely to be found in mass-produced versions, even ones that "look cooler". Certain seam finishes, the amount of fabric used (esp in the skirt omg), specific time-intensive design elements, even if they look simple (the sleeves are based on Jester's and are my favorite part of the whole outfit). Plus, I have something I made! That I'm proud of! That I enjoy wearing! The design process was fun, far more fun than scrolling through etsy or something. So, yeah, it's not about the complements. It's way more about the feeling I get while wearing it and how that impacts my faire experience.

For next year, I'm going to try to add elements to the outfit that give it more character, sort of like environmental storytelling, but with accessories on the body.. Will I be a tavern wench who moonlights as a royal assassin? Will I be an herbalist's apprentice who works at an apothecary and is hoping to finally brew a love potion, or perhaps a budding necromancer longing to bring their loved one back? A floral fairy who's been transformed to human size, or a bloodthirsty berserker queen? (The Renaissance Faire maybe isn't the best place to try out these ideas, as it's heavier on the historical side of historical fantasy, but maybe what I need is a larp that's heavier on the fantasy side.)

Today I'm thankful that last week was a good week! I'm thankful that my classes seem okay and that I managed to finish my costume (mostly) and that I had a lot of fun at the faire! I'm also thankful my turquoise-friend was with me at the faire. This will absolutely be a fantastic grad school memory.

Also special shoutout to the nyx eye pencil in icy blue (or something like that). I went low makeup yesterday but randomly picked that up the day before to help my eyes match the blue elements in the costume, and it stayed on all day. Impressive for a budget item.

[the-wales-5]

"Crazy for this girl" (Chapter 5)

William was overthinking all those small moments such as Middleton helping him with writing a painting interpretation, letting him compare his most important notes with hers, fun they had during Raisin Weekend and now also that simple conversation they had about Chile, sports, and nature. It all replayed in his mind for hours. Being in a relationship and having thoughts about someone else was a thing he thought he’d never experience.

The moment he woke up the next morning and noticed Catherine’s pen on the bedside table, he felt uncontrollable and inexplicable frustration. He avoided having breakfast with his friends, then checked his schedule and found out that he’ll have eight hours of classes and seminars that day. “It can not get any worse than this” he thought, feeling that tiredness mixed with confusion won’t let him focus on that stuff. Despite that, he went on with his morning routine. Right before closing the door, he took a blue pen from the table. “No smiles or conversations” he planned his next meeting with Catherine Middleton meticulously “I'd just give her the pen, and everything will be normal again”.

*

Due to oversleep, Catherine did not attend the first class that day. Rupert wanted her to take a day off and go on a trip with him. She rejected that offer, but her boyfriend insisted on helping her reach the university building.

Right there, Kate noticed William who just went outside during a break between classes.

“Is that actually him?” Finch asked “I thought he’d be hiding in his room when free”

“He’s not as antisocial as you are and your boys from The Poker Team, it seems” Catherine teased her boyfriend, laughing

“It was not a funny joke, Katie,” he said.

Right at the same moment, Carley approached William. “You seem cross about something, Willy” she said “Look at me”

“We need to talk about something. I am organising a party in a few days, and my question is if you are going to attend. It would be amazing if you do, you know?”

“Isn't it obvious?” Carley said as she put her hands around his neck “I thought you would invite me first” she said and almost kissed him, but William pulled himself away and began to search for a notebook.

“What’s the matter?” she asked

“I’m just searching for something” he murmured, and Catherine's blue pen fell off onto the ground at the same moment.

“This perhaps?” Carley picked it up, feeling perplexed “This isn't yours. I gave you a more expensive one three weeks ago. Don’t tell me you’ve lost it somewhere and replaced it with a cheap one from a shop”

“No. It belongs to Kate” William almost snatched it from his girlfriend's hand

“Kate? The beautiful one?” She sneered

“We're on the same course. I was writing a list of people attending the party, so I had to borrow a pen from her and..” . At that same moment, he noticed Catherine and called her name. “I forgot to give it to you yesterday”

Middleton said with a tiny smile, “Oh, I've got another pen. You could keep it” and walked off. William turned his eyes towards Carley, who said “You seemed nervous. Why is that?”

“It is not true. I am simply trying to focus on things needed for today's classes. It'll be a long day for me, but we can meet with one another in the early evening” he said and kissed Carley on the lips.

*

He escaped the class an hour earlier than planned in the schedule. Fergus followed him and asked him a question that the prince did not actually register in his mind.

“Steve! Are you still here?” Boyd waved in front of the prince's face to get his attention.

“Yes? What is your problem?”

“It is not really mine, but yours as you seemed to be disoriented by half of the day and left earlier than you should, Steve”

“I do not think it matters to someone apart from you” He pulled out his phone

“I am just trying to tell you that your professor might have an interest in that, you know”

William dismissed these words.

Carley got a text message from her boyfriend asking her to come to his room almost at the same moment. She was suspicious but soon excited to have intimate time with him, too, and her assumptions turned out to be right.

*

In the afternoon, Catherine finally could talk about her observations on William with Olivia while they both were at the restaurant before Middleton's shift “Don’t you think that there’s something wrong with him?”

“Why do you think so?”

“He seemed unsettled today, as if he didn’t want to be there”

“You know how this stuff works, right? It’s all boring sometimes, and not every day is full of enjoyment, right? He just had it tough today, I guess. There's nothing wrong with that”.

Catherine chuckled a little bit “Yes, but to be completely honest with you, I grew confused when he was ignoring everything, even when we were supposed to work on a sketch interpretation along with two other students”

“And I assume that you are just overthinking”

“He ruined this presentation with his apathy!”

“Oh, stop it. I repeat that you're overthinking. You know what he went through”

“Yes, and I know how it affects a person. I am studying psychology too, remember? Am I over-dramatic? Rupert told me exactly the same thing earlier” she sighed

“Is it a unique day when I agree with Finch for the first time ever? Unbelievable! “.

They both laughed, and Catherine carried on her work.

*

“Why are you acting so weird?” was Carley’s first question when she met with William for the third time in the evening.

“What do you mean?” He sighed

“This. Exactly this. Your annoyance at each word I say. Our meetings are now sporadic, full of tension”

“We're just a step away from Martinmas exams”

“This is not a clever excuse”

“This is not an excuse at all, Carley. This is our reality right now”

“And because of that reality, we are separated most of the time!”

“Are we? We've met one another three times today alone”

“It comes to me as a surprise. Last week, we barely met one another because you closed yourself in your room to concentrate on your studies. Isn't it outrageous that you prefer to spend time alone rather than with your girlfriend?"

“Perhaps, but I swear that there is no other reason than my studies and the necessary planning that goes into our relationship”

“And hence there's no stability either!”

“I am truly sorry for ignoring you as you put it, but I promise that we'll figure it out together.

“How? When?”

“Tomorrow. We can arrange our meetings for the next two weeks”

“Why tomorrow? Why not today?”

“I have some other plans for now. A list to that party that I planned to be in two weeks is still open yet, by the way”

“Oh, is that an official invitation for me?”

“You may treat it as one” William said quickly and put his lips on Carley's in a passionate kiss right then.

**

Chapter 6

[jasonrae117]

Just Another Hollywood Scene

Raven walked into the small coffee shop, looking down at her watch. Ahead of schedule, perfect. She smiled to herself. The café was quaint and it looked popular enough for her to accept this as her one stop before her big audition. She counted the customers ahead of her and the ones still waiting for their drinks, too many for her liking while she had somewhere to be but she needed a chai latte to steel her nerves. The three baristas should tackle this wait in no time, she hoped.

Today was the big audition for an upcoming blockbuster movie. Her agent, Roy Harper, from Queen Entertainment Management, got her this lucky shot. Roy also managed Kori Anders, a beautiful super model, but more importantly for her purposes, Richard Grayson’s fiancé. 

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49727071/chapters/125517982

Richard Grayson was a romcom actor turned director, and the very director for the movie she was about to audition for. Though she hadn’t seen many of the movies Richard had directed she had seen almost the entire catalog of his romcoms. There was something so cheesy but endearing in his films that made her lonely heart on a weekend evening content. As it turns out, according to critics and movie goers alike, he made a better director than actor. This untitled movie was already the talk of the town and anyone would kill for a shot to be in it, much less the leading lady. Which is exactly why Raven was so stressed.

Raven Roth had done her due diligence, went to some of the best acting schools, got her degrees, starred in horrible student film after horrible student film while also waiting tables and attending acting seminars. She managed to land some simple commercials or gigs as an extra in big shot movies, but her true claim to any inkling of fame was her starring role on the hit TV drama Skulls. She played the head of the forensic team that was over analytic and unemotional. People loved her unique features and always complemented how authentic her acting was for a CSI type TV show. The backhand compliment she could live without but nonetheless people took a liking to her and as time went on she found herself with a renowned agent and a few more higher billed credits. 

As she went over her lines for the nth time today, she pulled her focus back into the real world and realized she was next in line. Another glance down at her watch though had her begin to sweat. She hadn’t realized where the time had gone, she was still guaranteed to be early but any more setbacks and that could change in an instant. She noticed the elderly woman in front of her was paying in change and was dropping coins left and right, making her lose count and have to start over again just for the same thing to happen. The cashier didn’t seem to care and simply used the time to restock some things behind the counter.

Raven exhaled in semi annoyance, it wasn’t the lady’s fault but no one was willing to lend a hand? That was unacceptable to her. “Here let me pick those up for you.” She said while bending over.

“Oh! How very kind of you miss! Thank you.” The woman smiled warmly at her, holding her hands out to take the coins back.

“May I help? I can hold these while you count what you have, it’s a lot of change to be juggling, so I totally get it.”

“That would be very helpful, miss!” As the older woman began counting her pile, Raven quickly counted her ready to add the remaining coins total in her head and end the transaction. To her dismay another coin rolled out of the woman’s hand and onto the floor rolling toward her just behind her left leg. She spun around to fetch it but instead rammed right into someone else. A very tall and solid someone else. All the coins had bounced out of her hands and scattered everywhere. When Raven regained her senses the man that was far too close barely flinched from the accident but made no attempt to help pick anything up. Instead the man pivoted around her at the edge of the counter.

Clearing his throat he said. “I’ll take a medium americano.” He pulled out his phone with one hand and began to type something on it while the cashier stood stunned and unsure of what to do. He looked back up and added, “Pronto?”

Raven stood there dumbfounded as the cashier actually began to ring up his order. The poor older woman got down and started to pick up the fallen change and nobody else said anything. She was just going to have to change that.

“Excuse me but you can’t possibly think that what you just did is okay?” When he didn’t turn to her she moved around him, stopping by the elder woman and helping her back up purposely leaving the coins on the ground. “Hey, I’m talking to you asshole!” The cashier gasped and the man stilled.

He put his phone back in his pocket and turned to meet her eyes. “Now why would you be doing that?” He smirked. Oh he was gonna fucking get it.

“Who the hell do you think you are to come into here, bypass the line that isn’t really that bad, stand way too close to a stranger to where they run into you by turning around and not do anything to help pick up the coins you caused to fall and continue to order like a big fucking oaf. You’ve got some nerve asshole.” Her hands were on her hips and she was glaring daggers, the entire cafe stopped what they were doing and were witnessing the scene unfold in front of them.

The man had the audacity to chuckle, “So you clearly don’t know who I am. Cute. But I don’t have time to waste like some people. I need to be on my way or I’ll be late so I took advantage of two women taking far too long ordering coffee. Sue me, or get over it.”  He turned back to the cashier and pulled out his wallet.

To say Raven was appalled would be an understatement. So she did the only thing she could think of. She reached across him and snatched his wallet and threw it on the ground behind him.

“What the hell-” as he took a step back to track the wallet, it left an opening for Raven to slip in front of him.

“Hi, I find it incredibly unacceptable for this man to be served before me, this woman, and the patient customers in line behind me. Nobody should walk in here and expect to be treated in such a way by another plain guest and be pushed back in line to accommodate the aggressor. Am I right? Would you want someone to treat your mother like this?” She gestured to the elderly woman behind her. The cashier shook her head.

“Just get the hell out of my way, and let me get my coffee then it will be all yours.” The man stood up straight, fire behind his eyes.

“Like hell I will.” She barely glanced at him before refocusing on the cashier. “All I want is to get my drink and pay for this kind woman since that will seem to speed up the process.” 

“Uhh..okay.”

“And to make it easier, I happen to like Americanos so I’ll take the one he ordered since it’s probably already in the works, add hers to my tab too.” The cashier nodded and began to re-ring in the woman’s order.

“Fine whatever, are you happy now? Now just get out of my way.”

“Oh, cute. You think I’m done.” She stayed in place but twisted behind her looking at the next man in line. “Hi sir, I’m feeling so generous today, what are you ordering?”

“Uhh, a large iced cold brew.” He shrugged.

“Great one of those, please.” She said turning back to the cashier who was starting to smirk, seeing the plan already. “And behind him?”

“You can’t be serious?” The rude man sputtered.

“Dead serious, everyone in line currently, your drink is on me! Besides this asshole, come up and place your order with the kind girl in front and step off to the side to wait for it. Thank you.” She made the announcement without breaking her stare at the taller man. Sure enough, everyone in line ran up, placed their order quickly, muttered a thank you and moved away.

“You really are going to spend all that money to prove a point? It would have been faster to just let me go.”

“Where would be the lesson for you in that? Now you get to wait for your fair turn, these people leave happy with their free coffee and you still look like an asshole. I can always make more 

money, but you can never get wasted time back.” She smirked smugly.

“Uhh, miss your total is $75.86, cash or card?” The cashier awkwardly interjected.

Raven didn’t mean to but the total was higher than she had anticipated and she involuntarily flinched, causing a grin to break onto the man’s face. “Still worth it?”

“Every penny.” She handed her worn credit card over and completed the transaction. She was handed her receipt and the Americano which she gladly took and strutted out of the cafe. She didn’t care to see the last look on the man’s face. That whole debacle cut into her time cushion and now she would be running late herself. Just fucking perfect. She prayed to whatever deity that she would never run into that man again.

She practically jogged in her black heels to the building around the block, dodging people the best she could. When she made it to the front doors of the Wayne Production Company she paused and took her first sip of the drink. She never ordered one before and she was glad she didn’t because it was utterly revolting. She almost gagged but swallowed the too bitter liquid before locating the nearest trash can and throwing the whole thing away, a waste? Sure, but it was still worth it.

Once inside, she smoothed her hair back and walked confidently to the receptionist. “Hi, I’m Raven Roth here for an 11:00 audition.”

“Okay, one moment Miss Roth.” The woman began typing into her computer.

Raven took a deep breath and glanced around the lobby, it was lavish but well decorated, not unwelcoming. There were people moving around her coming in and out of elevators, carrying briefcases, boxes and supplies, fabrics, and blueprints. This was their corporate office, not their studios, she didn’t expect to see so many people running around with materials.

“You must have really enjoyed my coffee, it seems to be all gone.” That voice…oh shit, she turned to see the jerk from the cafe, but instead of the branded cup, he was holding one from the lobby’s free coffee bar. 

“Relegated to the free coffee? What a shame.” She dared not back down now. 

“It isn’t my first choice but when an incredibly insufferable person ruins a perfectly good morning, it’ll have to do.”

“I wouldn’t have needed to do that if you had a tiny fraction of decency.” She almost whispered, trying to keep the receptionist from hearing. Raven felt her anger rising again, she couldn’t let that come out and cause another scene, especially at the place she needed to make the best impression at. 

The receptionist cleared her throat politely, “Miss Roth?” Raven turned back to the red haired woman. “They’re waiting in conference room 47, on the 5th floor turn left and it will be the 3rd room on the left.” The man behind her snorted.

“Thank you very much!” She spun, giving the man an annoyed glare as she walked past him. 

“Hey,” she shouldn’t have stopped but he approached her within a few steps., “I hope your acting is better than your attitude.” He leaned in and spoke the next words lowly in her ear, “Break a leg.” He pulled back with a smirk.

She was stunned in place, not by his words but by the room temperature coffee that was dripping down the front of her new white blouse. She looked down at herself and felt heat rise to her cheeks, but before she could say anything, the man pointed at his watch and shook his head. She located the nearest clock on the wall to discover that it was already eleven and she was officially late for her audition. She bolted toward the elevator and desperately tried to regain her composure. 

How could he do that to her? He knew she was auditioning, so maybe he was there for the audition too and wanted to sabotage her. It was going to work perfectly in his favor because she was a mess, she was angry, she was wet, her top had a massive brown stain, and she was late. She did the only thing she could think of, taking some deep breaths as she stepped out of the elevator, she spoke the meditation mantra her favorite acting coach, Azar, gave her, “Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos.” Raven immediately felt some of the stress release. Now she had to put some of the other teachings to use.

First, take the emotions and use them to fuel the words and actions, it will give something new to a piece that is memorized to every syllable. Second, make an impression, she was certain being late was already doing that, but combine it with the third advice, make bold choices, she was either going to blow it or nail it. She had no other choice.

The movie was a high budget superhero action movie, an installment of an already beloved franchise called The Batman. This was about a team of teen superheroes and sidekicks that have grown up and now are called The Titans. Young adults trying to live up to their mentor's standard and make a name for themselves in the world while trying to save it from major threats. Landing this role would almost ensure job security for at least three films. In the movie making market today, superhero films always crushed it, and with Grayson’s name being on the film it was practically a guaranteed success. Who else would be better to direct this new and original team than the adopted son of the actor that played the Dark Knight himself, Bruce Wayne. 

This was it, her only shot. She took one last breath and entered the room in a rush.

“This better be good, you interrupted my meditation.” She huffed. Raven looked around the large room, the wall across from her lined with objectively handsome men sitting at a long table.

Their faces shocked, some frozen in place, a coffee cup held at their lips. “Well? Garret? What’s the emergency that you had to set the alarm off spilling my tea?” She picked one of the random men to be her scene partner, since she had no time to slate and meet them, she had to purely improvise. 

“Uh…Miss Roth?” The man in the center began. She now recognized him as Richard Grayson. Her mind started to short circuit. She had no idea the director would be sitting in on the first audition, but she was already in too deep. 

Raven decided to keep going, praying to just get through this. She looked off to the side at a fake screen she imagined. If they weren’t going to give her the lines, she’d simply take them. “Deathstroke?” Her prior deadpanned tone dropped. Full seriousness overcoming her emotions. “When did we get this?” She looked back to the man she dubbed ‘Garret. “ 

That man kept looking down at the obvious stain on her shift. Raven made the choice to add that into the scene. Pulling the shirt over her head, leaving her in a lace adorned bra, she marched behind the table and pulled a random jacket from the back of an empty chair. Tossing her stained blouse on the table in front of Garret, she continued, “Is that better?” She slid the apparently leather jacket over her shoulders and spun one of the secretaries' laptops around to face her. She made a point to hit the lock key so she wouldn’t see anything she wasn't supposed to. 

As she fake typed some actions on the computer she looked back up at her fake screen, while muttering. “They want you to be normal but make a big deal when you accidentally spill something.” Blowing some loose hair from her face she marched back to the middle of the room. 

“He was seen thirteen hours ago at a dock on the east bay.” She feigned surprise. “Why are we just hearing about this now?” She begged all the gods to have someone answer. Richard leaned forward, his eyes not leaving her, throwing an arm out to the man unintentionally added to the scene and motioning him to proceed. The few people around him fumbled around to hand him the script and point out where they were.

“Robin got the alert first, I’m assuming he delayed the alarm - “ The man read.

“To give himself a head start. Damn it Drake! Where is he now?” A fierceness rising in her voice.

“We don’t know, he might be in his room going through files.” It was clear to her that this guy was at least not her potential scene partner, at least not for this role.

“Since when did Robin ever wait when it came to Deathstroke. How is it possible, we got rid…he was gone. How did he manage to come back?” She began pacing.

“Robin had his theories but I don’t think he ever expected him to actually be back.”

“We have to find Robin before he does something stupid.”

“His tracker and communicator are offline.”

“Then we’ll have to find him the hard way.” She sat on the floor in a lotus position, arms slightly to her side, middle finger and thumb touching. “Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!”

She wasn’t sure why she chose to use her own mantra, much less one at all, and the pose was the very one from her own practices. There was no actual blocking on the script, but it felt in character and came obviously very natural to her. 

“Cut!” Richard yelled. Raven opened her eyes and was met with his smiling face. He hurried around the table and offered his hand out to help her up. She graciously accepted it and stood in front of the man that held her fate. 

“I..uh..I’m Raven Roth.” She nervously stuck her hand out for a handshake.

“Why yes you are!” He enthusiastically took it. “That was phenomenal! I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but wow!”

“Oh, thank you Mr. Grayson.” She chucked shyly. Everyone in the room began subtle whispers and she could tell they were all about her. “I want to apologize for being late and the uncouth start to my audition but - “

“It’s quite alright! It fueled you! That’s what I love to see in new actors! This is why I didn’t want the biggest names, there’s nothing fresh in that! But that bit with the shirt..was that planned?”

“No, some guy spilled his coffee on me in the lobby.”

“Sorry to hear that, but oh man she can improv too! It was great seeing you today. Roy was right about you! Well, we have to break for lunch, but we’ll be in touch! Just don’t be late next time.” He winked and chuckled to himself as he grabbed his notepad from the table and made his way out of the room along with the other employees. 

Most had left the room, leaving her with a few stragglers. She went to collect her things but realized that she was still wearing someone else’s jacket. She looked to the nearest worker, “Excuse me, I’m so sorry but I still have this person’s jacket, would you mind giving it back to them for me!” She began to shrug it off her shoulders but a pair of hands stopped the fabric from falling down.

“It’s fine, from what I saw today I’m sure you’ll be back and you can give it back to me then.” The smooth voice came from behind her. The other person she had directed her comment towards simply nodded to her and stepped out of the room. The voice sounded familiar but she couldn’t place it. “Besides, I think it looks better on you.”

Raven turned around and did everything in her power to not gasp in shock. The man behind her was Jason Todd. Jason fucking Todd. He was the hottest action star in the world, both literally and figuratively. He was for sure a lead role in this production, it just wasn’t confirmed which one. And here she was, shirtless, wearing his -probably- expensive leather jacket. “I’m…uh…wow, I’m sorry I just took it without asking.” She stumbled out her response. She wished she could kick herself for how stupid she sounded in front of her celebrity crush.

“It’s fine. As much as most of the men in the room would have loved for you to continue without the jacket, someone needed to get them back to reality. I’m Jason by the way.” He held out his hand and offered a devilishly handsome smile. 

“Todd, oh I know…I mean…” She felt the blush creep up her neck and rest like flames on her cheeks. “Hi, Raven.” She took his hand and shook it a bit too enthusiastically.

“Oh, we have ourselves a fan huh?” Jason smirked.

“I don’t intend to come across as a crazy fan. I just meant that I know who you are, anyone who’s anyone knows you, but I’m sure you get that enough as is, you don’t need me to do it too.” Raven rubbed her arm nervously.

“Yeah, but I’m kind of diggin’ you doing it.”

Her mouth opened slightly, was he hitting on her? “Well, I should let you get to lunch.”

“I look forward to seeing you again…Raven.” His voice dropped low on her name and had she not already been mortified by her behavior she swore she would have swooned, and she never swoons.

“Likewise, Jason.” Speaking his name made her feel fuzzy inside somewhere, but she pushed that down and moved around him, snatching her blouse off the table. She pretended to fold it and take care to place it in her bag while Jason finally left. 

Raven placed both hands on the table and released a deep breath. Her whole body tingled with nerves. She just gave the best improvised audition in her life, while facing unplanned emotions and events right before. She was proud of herself, and if what Richard Grayson and Jason Todd said held any truth, she was practically guaranteed a callback!

[portra400s]

MUN INTRO: hey! my name's peyton [th/th, cst, 21+] & i'll be writing for sverre olsen, lee hyeon, selena palacio & dylan hwang here. you can find me on discord @ #seamonkeydefender & please feel free to add me w/o asking as well! discord is my preferred plotting method. all of my characters are on sideblogs aside from sverre, so i will be dming from this blog when necessary... hehe

CHARA INTRO: first up, sverre olsen. he's a 26yr old grad student studying @ jeju natl university on the gks scholarship. he's an assistant editor for the local paper, but mostly works remotely as he spends a lot of time in jeju city for school. currently on his ~2nd year of living in yuseong bay. you can view his stats here & his pinterest here if interested!

answer the following prompts, either ooc or ic!

when did your muse first arrive in yuseong bay?: technically, about three and a half years ago when he did a semester abroad @ jeju natl uni as an undergrad student. he was living in jeju city, but a friend brought him to yuseong bay to see the meteor shower and he kind of fell in love with the place, which prompted him to consider doing the entirety of his grad studies in jeju. obviously, things ended up working out in his favor and he moved to yuseong bay two years ago.

what does an average day look like for your muse?: wake up at 6:30am, check on his cat (let her in if she spent the night outside; let her out if she spent the night inside) / make sure she has food, get ready, grab a quick coffee & breakfast @ andante cafe, catch the bus to jeju city, hate his life for about 7 hours, catch the bus back to yuseong bay, check on his cat (let her in if she spent the day outside; let her out if she spent the day inside), spend the rest of his evening working thru his laptop, which he will usually do in a public setting in order to people watch and daydream about having more friends than he does, try to go to bed by 10:30pm, usually lay awake regretting until midnight. rinse, repeat.

where can your muse usually be found?: around 7:30am he'll make a brief appearance at cafe andante (every weekday) / 8am to 3pm he'll be in jeju city @ jeju natl uni (mon, tues, thurs, fri) / frequently makes appearances at daeyanghwa florals to buy himself flowers, usually around 5:30/6pm / stops by ojo records about once every two weeks to see if anyone's given up any old records that might be up his alley / seen in the vicinity of hanwha resort wednesdays around 11:30am for undisclosed reasons, shut up, no you didn't see him there, that must've been someone else / does his weekly grocery shopping at lemon martes on wednesdays somewhere between 2pm and 5pm, usually loiters for a bit hoping to have a meetcute (hasn't happened yet, maybe next time?).

how does your muse feel about hanwha resort?: admittedly indifferent, but the general consensus suggests that he shouldn't be too into the idea, so he'll talk his fair share of shit if the social situation calls for it. unfortunately his parents chose to purchase a timeshare as an excuse to be closer to him for at least two weeks out of the year, so that's both making sverre truly hate the place but also making the locals think he's a supporter since his name is also on the timeshare and he has to attend the seminars.

is there an aspiration for your muse to stay in or leave yuseong bay?: eh... he's got a stray cat that's taken a shine to him, he's on a full-ride scholarship and still has another year to go before he gets his master's degree, and rent's cheaper here than it is in jeju city, so he's got reasons to stay at least for the next year. however, he doesn't romanticize yuseong bay like he used to & wouldn't be opposed to relocating—regardless, he'll have to go back to the netherlands once he's done with school, soooo...

answer the following, ooc!

list your muse's three favorite songs: annie's song by john denver, chateau lobby #4 (in c for two virgins) by father john misty, my girl by the temptations; a fan of emotionally-charged, old (or old-sounding) love songs.

describe your muse's wardrobe: “grandpacore,” to put it simply. a color palette of neutrals in vintage inspired pieces. a lot of chunky sweaters, loose trousers & loafers, has sometimes been told that his fashion choices are “reminiscent of oatmeal,” whatever that means. occasionally breaks out a bold t-shirt or sweatshirt with some ironic phrase on it. accessorizes with messenger bags, dad hats, minimal gold jewelry & retro (sun)glasses. has a collection of converse high-tops, but rarely wears them these days.

color, word, and emoji to describe your muse: beige, "oatmeal", 🧸

three strong likes and dislikes for your muse: really likes animals (especially ones that people are usually afraid of or grossed out by, i.e possums, insects, rodents), the sound of the ocean (including putting a big shell up to his ear to "hear the ocean"), laughing / really doesn't like ac/dc, traveling by taxi, action movies.

three positive and negative traits for your muse: positive affectionate, sincere, intelligent / negative obsessive, irrational, dependent.

three talents and shortcomings for your muse: talents cooking, picking up new words, befriending wild critters / shortcomings can't drive, nervous about making phonecalls, low spice tolerance.

a relevant goal or arch for your character to overcome: at the moment, sverre's an assistant editor for the local newspaper; in the remaining time that he'll be in yuseong bay, he would like to be promoted to just... an editor... but that probably won't happen. aside from that, he's currently The Loser of Yuseong Bay so it would be nice to see him gain more confidence in himself / make meaningful friendships!

[layton-love]

cape

desmond sycamore/jean descole x reader oneshot. gen neutral reader. sfw. tons of fluff. established relationship.

     You miss him terribly when he's gone.

     The hours feel like an eternity when you're waiting for your love to return. Whether he's giving a seminar to the esteemed individuals in the archaeology community under his professor persona or working in the shadows as Jean Descole, you miss your brilliant and artful lover. Today, however, is the former of those two scenarios: Professor Desmond Sycamore is holding a meeting in London to discuss some business with his peers in the field. You knew before you'd even started a relationship with him that he is a busy man and of course you understood; you'd never held it against him. However, it didn't change the loneliness that gnawed at your heart in his absence.

      Thus, you found an alternative means of providing yourself some comfort...

     It was late in the evening when Professor Sycamore began climbing up the stairs of the airship. He was heavy laden with books, paperwork, and exhaustion. The meeting had taken far longer than he'd intended, and then of course those imbeciles simply insisted on dragging him out to some miserable luncheon. The food was sub-par, the company was insufferable, and the weather was grim. Naïvely, he'd thought to escape once he'd partaken in the wretchedly mediocre meal, but then they'd wanted his expert opinion (of course he's an expert, which meant that it should be obvious that he was far too busy for their foolish nonsense!) on some “revolutionary” (“Hardly!” he scoffed inwardly) “new” (he'd heard of it weeks ago) unearthing of an ancient art piece that had recently been transferred to the London Museum of Historical Peoples.“

      Ah, master! I was wondering when you'd return. I fear your midday, afternoon, and evening tea has long since gone cold. I will put a fresh pot on at once.” Raymond greeted him as soon as he'd entered the Bostonius. Heaving a long-suffering sigh of exhaustion, Sycamore shook his head.

     “No need, Raymond. This day has been a near-complete and tremendously fiendish waste of my time. I have had a long and wretched experience with those bougie nitwits, though I was at the very least able to convince them to invest in my work. Unfortunately it gave them the impression that I would be interested in mingling; their hunger for gossip is almost as severe as their appetite for below-average fast food. There are only so many rounds of soggy chips and half-frozen fish fingers I can take,” He growled out with pain, “In any case, I am most certainly not about to allow them any room for shoving their big buffoon noses into my personal business! No matter, though... The day is done, and soon we'll be off elsewhere, far far away from these imbeciles. I have much more important business to attend to than entertaining their small minds. For the moment, however, I only wish to lie down for at least an ounce of peace. I'm utterly spent,” The archaeologist haphazardly abandoned his burdens onto a nearby table, too tired for further ranting, “If you would sort these for me, it would be much appreciated.”

     Raymond nodded, uttering a quick, “Right away master,” as he immediately moved to engage the task.

     Desmond massaged his face, exasperatedly looking around the room. His expression was strained, his gaze searching. Something very important was missing from this scene. Something he'd been looking forward to seeing all day.

     “Where has my dearest gone off to then?”

     “They retired to your room several hours ago, master. They've been rather mournful for your company all day.” Answered the butler honestly.

     Desmond clicked his tongue, “This won't do at all. I shan't keep them waiting any longer. Thank you, Raymond. Goodnight.”

     “Peaceful rest to you, master.” The older gentleman turned to him and bowed respectfully, bidding the professor adieu as he scurried off to your shared bedroom.

     Quietly, Desmond pushed the door open, peering into the darkened room. Opening the door further, the light from the hallway spilled in, bathing your sleeping form in a warm glow. The man in the doorway stared for a moment. He could feel his irritated expression melting almost immediately as a long, slow exhale left him. The tension also began slipping away from his chest and muscles as he took in the sight of you, gaze softening with love. You were curled up on the bed, hair all a mess, your face buried in the blanket-

     Wait...

     Desmond squinted, eyes narrowed in suspicion. That... wasn't a blanket...

     You were wrapped in his cape.

     How had you found that??

     Not only that, but the feather boa too, now that he looked harder. You were using it as a pillow, a small smile on your face as you nuzzled into the fluff of it. Leaving the door open for the light to see by, he approached your side of the bed, looking you over with his hands on his hips. You'd abandoned the Jean Descole persona's hat and mask on the nearby dresser, evidently pilfering only what you could comfortably sleep with. Desmond couldn't find it in himself to be cross with you. After all, Raymond had mentioned that you'd been missing him particularly badly... The longer he looked you over, the more his heart melted. He felt almost sick with adoration for you, like butterflies in his stomach. Ever so gently, he leaned down, reaching his fingers toward your face. With a featherlight touch, he lovingly brushed aside the strands of hair from your features, tucking them tenderly behind your ear. You let out a breathy hum at his touch, the sweet lilt of your sleeping voice buzzing in his brain.

     “Oh, my dear, my love...” He whispered, devotion seeping from his words like a lovestruck poet. He could feel his face heating up from his neck as he looked upon you. From now on, he'd be certain to terminate any future attempts at waylaying him from returning home to you in a timely manner. Nothing was going to get between him and moments like these... certainly not wastes of space like his coworkers.

     Desmond shook his head. No need for such things to consume his thoughts any longer. Not when he had you right there in front of him. A dreamy sigh escaped him as his lips curled up in a warm smile, unable to pry his gaze from you. His sweetest delight, his perfect partner. Oh, how he loved you. He looked you over, his gaze trailing across the cape that was wrapped so snuggly around you, gracefully outlining the form of your body. Even the darkest parts of him weren't able to resist your enchanting light, he let out a small huff of a laugh as his fingers traced the article where it met your form. You'd foregone the warmth of the bedclothes, the sheets and blankets still made up neatly beneath you. The only thing keeping you warm was that blasted cape.

     What that cape stood for never seemed to bother you. You accepted both sides of him equally, happy to love every square inch of his being, his identity. At first he'd wondered if it was naïvety, sheer innocence, or perhaps even ignorance, but no. As time went on, he slowly began to realise that it was nothing of the sort.

     You understood him.

     Understood the depths, the pain, the darkness that swirled and crashed and raged within him. You listened, you observed, you thought. You cared. The two of you were different kinds of people, there was no denying this, this much was a mutual understanding. Even so, you found it within yourself to trace every jagged edge of his being and memorise it, understand it, figure out what it was and why it was there. Despite the monumental amount of hideous history behind him, you stood before it with an unabashed determination, even when he kicked against your efforts.

     Desmond couldn't even begin to grasp why you stayed, why you persisted in your endeavour. He felt that you were wasting your time. He fought, wrestled, warred against himself in regards to your affections. He wanted it so badly, wanted your love, wanted to feel your arms around him – but it was a blow in the face to everything he'd worked for, wasn't it? A distraction. An obstacle between him and his goals. He'd resigned himself to living for one purpose for so long. Ultimately, it was Raymond who'd actually convinced him, evidently sick of watching him tear himself in half over his - at that point utterly undeniable - affections for you.

     “It's like I can't breathe. I feel as though I'm drowning,”

     “It's called falling in love, master. I'm afraid there's no cure, but it will get better with time, I assure you. You need only to let it in and stop trying to kill it. The more you try, the harder it fights back.”

     He felt he'd never be able to thank him enough. How close he'd come to losing you. To losing this.

     His hand curved around your cheek, hovering there as he sat next to you on the edge of the bed. You looked so peaceful... He didn't want to wake you up, but alas, his selfish side won out on this decision; surely you could spare just a few minutes of sleep in order to direct that breathtaking expression at him? To just let him hold you in his arms...

     “My love...” He whispered, stroking your cheek, “I'm home now.” Leaning all the way down, he placed a kiss on your forehead. As he pulled back, he hovered just a few inches from your face, whispering your name as he rubbed his thumb across your cheekbone. With a small hum, your eyes fluttered open, blinking sleepily.

     “Mmm... Hmm... Desmond...?” You muttered, half-awake.

     “It's me, my darling. I'm here. I see you've made yourself rather comfortable with my cape while I was away, hmm?" He purred. He couldn't help himself but to lightly tease you. It must be a testament to his villainous nature, he figured, to be able to do that to a sweet thing like you. Was he Desmond or was he Descole right now? He truly couldn't tell anymore. You blurred the lines for him, but it was in such an intoxicating way, he found that he no longer minded.

     “Desmond,” You repeated his name, relief heavy in the sound of it, sending shivers up and down his spine and a new wave of butterflies into his gut. You moved to sit up, and he leaned back to give you room. “I'm so happy you're home, I've missed you so much,” With that, you peeled the cape off of your upper half, freeing your arms in order to throw them around him. He welcomed your tight embrace, your face buried in the curve of his neck as he engulfed your form into his own arms. He couldn't restrain the happy, breathy laugh that left him as he caught you into his hold, pulling you up into his lap, as close to him as possible. He removed his glasses, tossing them onto the nightstand before his hand quickly found its place on the back of your head, fingers entwining with your hair as he gently moved you to look at him. Pressing his forehead against your own, he looked into your eyes - into your beautiful, gorgeous, hypnotic eyes - before pressing a desperate, needy kiss to your lips. You felt him kick out, hearing both of his shoes hit the ground and roll across it haphazardly, as he drew his legs up onto the bed.

     He pressed forward, deepening the kiss, his hands roaming and up down your back, in your hair, seemingly everywhere at once. He finally simply grabbed onto you, pulling you with him in his surprisingly strong arms as he changed positions, his back against the pillows and the headrest of the bed, legs stretched out. Desmond broke the kiss for a moment, taking a breath. Looking at you, his eyes were glossy, hazy with the heat of the moment, an adorably wobbly smile on his face. His hand came up to cup your cheek as he pressed another kiss to your lips, this time much slower, sweeter, more methodical. A perfect fit, a perfect feeling. His lips were soft like the touch of his hands, though strong and loving. Full of want that he wouldn't usually let himself verbalise. Chest-to-chest, face-to-face, one of your legs wrapped around his, you could live in this moment forever. How lucky you felt, how on top of the world. He finally pulled away, needing air again.

     He watched you for a moment more before whispering back a belated but wholly honest reply, “I missed you too.”

[webslingingslasher]

hey Jbae

needdd advice about this boy because i feel like I am going to go insane just thinking about him

so. BASICALLY last year he kinda caught my attention like out of any guy that goes to my school because i am so bad at talking to guys and there was just something that stood out to me out of all cute guys ive seen.

great. cool. we join the same club coincidentally and he speaks to me first- found out we’re both locally from texas since my parents moved there a couple years ago and we start talking on if we would stay where we’re at (out of state school) or go back to texas and what. he remembered weirdly we were living on the same floor and we got to know each other pretty nicely for small talk.

fast forward he always would say hi to me when he saw me around and we collectively (my delusions) decided to stay in the club for the next year because there was some staff changes and we both were unsure if we wanted to stay until i told him i felt the same way— he was coincidentally the last person i saw before leaving and moving out my dorm—ik crazy—

NOW- it’s the fall semester and i’m a ra and he’s a sort of ra but like helps out basically but is not technically in charge of floors it’s more for honors students. we attended training together and literally we were the only ones who didn’t wear the same color as we were supposed to but ended up wearing the same color and shirt 😭😭 it was really freaky and i got really jealous because he’s a nice and quiet but social guy so a lot of girls knew him and i avoided him because i thought too much of the coincidence but we ended up going to the same seminar session COINCIDENTALLY again and then he started talking to me asking if i was interested in rushing and i was like not really because it seems a lot and that was pretty much it and that’s how it usually goes he talks to me and i never initiate convos.

he texts me sometimes but it’s never personal things so i’m like ughh idek how to feel or make a move because everything we are both in is really on a professional level. BUT here’s the weirder thing now he lives in the SAME EXACT dorm i did last year…… which is really messing with my head

but another fast forward to now is accidentally liked an old pic of his on insta and i ran into him twice today (we both were getting) 😃 and this time he didn’t say hi but i also tried to really avoid it because i’m embarrassed so

🫠🫠🫠 if you got any advice pls pls pls pls tell me how im reading this

and all this time there was someee invisibleeeee string, tying you to meeeee.

[eponymous-rose]

Something I wanted to do in the New Year is be more aware of how I'm spending my time at work, so I think I'm gonna try to do little summaries here of what each day entails. Hopefully also kind of interesting/useful if anyone's interested in academia?

For reference: we're on the quarter system, classes started on the 3rd, and I currently teach one class per quarter (heavy research-focused department, so very light teaching load). I also currently supervise 1 PhD student, 2 Master's students and 2 undergraduate research interns.

Monday!

Checked email on the bus to work, which mainly consisted of me seeing a colleague had received an endowed professorship, me writing her an effusive congratulatory message, and then me editing back the message a bit so it was less embarrassingly over the top. Also sent my students a reminder about their homework due on Wednesday and our little field trip tomorrow morning and accidentally sent it to last quarter's class, whoops. Luckily a former student quickly notified me of my mistake and I got it fixed!

Class was great - lots of flipped-classroom stuff that worked well even with only two students in the room (it's a conference week, everyone's traveling). I knew from previous years that the students had really, really struggled with this one equation, so I had them do a couple of examples in class and after working through the first one together, they both nailed it on the second try. Had to cancel a meeting with one of my undergrad research interns after class because the other members of our research team are out of town this week. Where is everyone? Well, at a conference and doing a two-month-long field campaign on the east coast. Forgivable. She offered to send me some of the work she's done thus far, so that's handy!

Went to check email after class and found that apparently a new remote meeting had popped on my schedule for immediately after class with an old peer mentoring group of mine (fellow 4th-year assistant profs in tangentially-related fields - we all did a professional development course last year together). Luckily it was cameras off so I could snack and decompress a bit while we caught up and made some strategic plans for the quarter.

Okay, FINALLY time to check email in earnest before my next meeting. 36 new messages since I checked last. New software package I need to bookmark and keep in mind for later work. Updates from the conference I'm technically attending virtually this week. Reference letter request from an undergrad student; add to calendar! Title and abstract to get added to the website for a seminar I'm hosting in a couple weeks. Reminder that the Zoom recording of my class is available to put online (which I promptly did). Triple-check with our tech guy that we're good to go up on the roof tomorrow to set up instrumentation for my class's term projects (all good!). Time flies, so here's the email with research progress from my undergraduate research intern and a handful of questions, we'll answer those and see how she likes jumping into a new dataset. New grant opportunities, job listings, a bunch of easy stuff to mark off. An essay about allocating time each week into the categories of Teaching, Research, and Service and strictly adhering to the percentages laid out by your tenure/promotion committee. Got a few minutes before my next meeting so I'll try it this week? Ish? Maybe? Looked sidelong at the new schedule, sure, we'll try that this week. Sent an email to my collaborator who's on a field project to see if we can do a remote meeting tomorrow to chat about a couple research proposals. Queued an email for next week's seminar speaker to see if he can send me the title and abstract for his talk/PhD entrance exam next week - no sense freaking him out before Wednesday, so we'll do a scheduled send.

Next up, meeting remotely with my former postdoc advisor! We've set up these meetings to "work on research projects" together but honestly this week it was just listening to him tell a very entertaining story about his car breaking down in rural Missouri and also listening to him describe a truly tragic tale of his very fancy sandwich getting thrown out of the office fridge by accident. That's scientific collaboration, baybee. We did talk research for a bit and he mentioned wanting to collaborate on a paper (he offered to pay for it out of the much more substantial research funds that come with his 30 extra years in the field) so I'm gonna come up with something for that by our next meeting in two weeks. I like working with him - we've published a couple papers in some pretty high-impact journals and he's always let me take the lead and go for first authorship without butting in, only providing support - so this is a fun prospect! I do have to submit an abstract this week for a European conference that'll be happening this spring, so maybe I can go ahead and lean into that idea a little.

It's now getting a little dark and rainy and I'm flagging a bit but I still have an hour before the afternoon seminar, so probably time to do a little course prep. Did some "grading" (just checking completion certificates for an introductory module the students had to go through). Fixed a mistake in Wednesday's lecture (why is there an anemometer when I'm talking about thermometers???). Reviewed some of the more complicated topics in Wednesday's lecture to make sure I'm not totally lost (some thermodynamics I haven't looked at in a while, thermocouples, semiconductors). Replacement slides uploaded to our course management system.

Aha! Email back from collaborator, she's going to be on a research flight tomorrow and won't be able to meet. All good, I don't have much to report anyway. That frees up an hour tomorrow, woohoo.

Okay, students have a homework assignment due a week from Wednesday, so I'm gonna post it this Wednesday. I have a good homework assignment prepared, I just needed to go in and write up a nice answer key. Got that done (along with some sample Python code to provide them with) and the homework assignment is scheduled to be posted, so it's time to look at next week's lectures. I've inherited this class from someone whose course notes can be a little scattered, so this is usually a bit of a process. Only two lectures to prep for next week, though!

Took a break from lecture prep to go to today's seminar, which purported to be about a really dodgy geoengineering scheme (redundant descriptor, am I right?) but in fact just rigorously tested said scheme and demonstrated it would actually have the opposite effect. Super fun and interesting seminar!

Okay, back to working on lectures for next week. Somehow got both of next week's lectures done before the end of the day, so those should just need a little polish and they'll be ready to go! Uploaded them to the course management system but sneakily and they won't appear to students until I've checked them over.

Tomorrow: going to the roof with my students to set up their term projects, then tons of sweet, sweet, meeting-free office time carved out. Hope this doesn't come back to bite me with a million meetings on Wednesday (...it will).

Important: work is done by 5PM. I try very hard to adhere to "leave work at work", which is not as much of a pipe dream as it seems, even for R1 tenure-track.