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Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

Did you know that on this day in history, St Patrick the Venerated relocated all the ancient worms from Ireland? The worms were dumped into all nearby bodies of water, including the Baltic Sea.

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Have you heard about Jeremy Stolle’s efforts to uncover the ancient worms rumored to be buried beneath the Majestic Theater?

I’m vaguely aware of Jeremy Stolle, but still I don’t know him well enough to know what he’s up to.

Ancient worms underneath the theater? Like, something like the worms in Dune? When you say ancient, are they dead for a long time or are they living fossils? I have so many questions.

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This project was funded in part by donations from the Welch Jelly Company. One can only assume that this project is of great interest to Jeremy Stolle.

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Nematode ouroboros.

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Jeremy S Tolle’s drink of choice today. He needs the caffeine to fuel his search for the ancient worms.

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Jeremy Stolle’s favorite coffee stop has started writing on cups.

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did you know you can appease Jeremy Stolle with a bag of gummy worms

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thsi person understands how to properly celebrate worm holidays

Oh, worm?

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Not much is known about ancient observations of the turn of the year, but there is anthropological evidence in the form of cave drawings of humans fighting, carving, and roasting ancient worms under a sky that appears to be lit by a flaming moon. Scholars speculate that the flaming moon could have been a lunar eclipse that ancient humans worshipped as the eye of the world worm, Jormungandr.

Modern celebrations include giant human-operated puppets of worms that are made to dance in the streets.

As your reporter of 100% verified ancient worm facts, I can confirm that @theshadowedqueen82 is correct. There is indeed a worm version of every holiday.

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Happy Year of the Worm!🪱

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The worms have arrived

Breaking News: Jeremy Stolle has partnered with his favorite coffee chain to bring customers cups and tumblers inspired by ancient worms. 16% of every purchase will go to fund the Jeremy Stolle Foundation for Future Paleobiologists.

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The first Worm's Mass was observed in 24 AD in what is now the modern-day Czech Republic. Celebrations involved children collecting buckets of worms from fields, and toasting them on sticks over fires. The worms that were not consumed as treats were baptized in the ash of their eaten brethren, and given the divine order by local priests to churn the dirt to make plants grow. They were then released into local gardens. It is commonly believed that Worm's Mass was borrowed from the ancient Wormsgiving, as both include the consumption of worm flesh, though no written record exists to prove or disprove this theory.

Another modern wintertime holiday involves the placement and lighting of nine candles into a candlestick shaped like an ancient worm. This holiday evolved from the Norse practice of burning a Yule log carved into the shape of the ancient worm known as Jormungandr. Over time, the Yule Jormungandr became nine smaller wooden statues, as nine was seen as a lucky/fateful number by the Norse. Eventually, the nine wooden Jormungandrs became nine candles, which are much easier to light than logs of wood.

As your reporter of 100% verified ancient worm facts, I can confirm that @theshadowedqueen82 is correct. There is indeed a worm version of every holiday.

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breaking news: gypsy moths have been spotted inside the newly-renovated majestic theater

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Breaking News: Jeremy Stolle has partnered with his favorite coffee chain to bring customers cups and tumblers inspired by ancient worms. 16% of every purchase will go to fund the Jeremy Stolle Foundation for Future Paleobiologists.

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I plead the 5th

i might actually start crying

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THEY’RE HERE

don't let Jeremy Stolle find out

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The first Wormsgiving was celebrated in the aftermath of the 224BC victory of the Mesopotamians over the last modern descendants of the ancient worms. Until that point, the prehistoric worms had reigned under the earth for close to 68 billion years. Victory was declared by the Mesopotamian military commander whose name translated into modern English means “I Walk Unsticking Over Tar” and imminent celebrations involved carving and roasting the ancient worm carcass over giant fire pits. Most of the carved bits burnt in the fires, but there was enough to feed several hundred soldiers, although eyewitness accounts differ on the true number of soldiers.

As your reporter of 100% verified ancient worm facts, I can confirm that @theshadowedqueen82 is correct. There is indeed a worm version of every holiday.