#fortunately I like my job
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3 MORE HOURS OF WORK
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spent some time on the ridge with my dragon this weekend, making magical lanterns and releasing them over the reservoir. 🏮✨
#art#3d art#dragon#ar#augmented reality#vr#virtual reality#artists on tumblr#art video#process video#art process#figmin xr#magic leap#i still can't believe this is my job#this video does absolutely no justice to how magical this experience actually was#there was a part where there was a shadow over the lantern and i couldn't figure out where it was coming from#and then i looked up and realized OH RIGHT. i'm underneath her wing and it's casting a shadow over me#working in ar is like having imaginary friends you can see#that you painted into existence#anyways i made wishes on these lanterns for general good fortune in the rest of the year#i hope these wishes come true
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#been trying to figure out how to ‘discern God’s Will’ for years now#and think somethings finally starting to hit me#went through this phase where it was like I know God’s Will because he has Revealed it to me (wrong)#or at least like. it’s not like here is a prophetic dream of all your future and now you must make sure your decisions line up with that#<-not how it works#then I went through this phase like how can I make Any decision if I don’t know the exact decision God would have me make here? i don’t have#the roadmap how do I know which way to turn?#<-contrary to popular belief life is NOT a Highway#then I went through a phase like oh! i have to be ok not knowing and trust God! leave that all to him and just do the thing in front of me!#<-yes!! but also. still leaves me incapable of making decisions#but now I’m getting to this construct:#for trying to make decisions:#1. orient your desires toward pleasing God#ie. hm. what can I do to please God?#note: this means what can I do to *please God* as in what pleases him?#what kinds of things are good what does he like?#2. oh! he likes these kinds of things I know (from what he’s told us) so what can *I* do to please God#based on what my skills and passions and circumstances are#in my unique way how can I please God?#and then 3. pursue some of those things and let God close and open doors as he will#and work to be content which is much easier when your goal is just to please him! like a lover their beloved or a child their parent#cause if that doesn’t please Him then it’s contrary to your goal and you don’t mind losing it so much#*this is all in a case of open ended decisions especially#cause obviously if it’s a good choice or a bad choice you should do the right thing that’s God’s will#but when it’s like jobs or moves or spouses of restaurants or whatever#God’s not a fortune cookie! you can’t anticipate his providence and make it happen yourself!#he’s *providing* it as you go! unbeknownst to you generally!#anyways! that’s where I’m landing#what can I do to *please God*. what can *I* do to please God. what *can* I do to please God
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Have to give the "I do like this job and the university, but I am WILDLY underpaid considering the amount of work/level of responsibility I have and if the university is serious about fostering a positive/supportive culture for faculty and staff, they need to give us all a serious raise" speech to my boss tomorrow. Uh, wish me luck?
#hilary for ts#school stuff#i mean i like my boss and she will be sympathetic#and it obviously isn't her call#but she needs to tell that to the deans and/or whoever is in charge of annual raises#because yes i do like this job#and i am fortunate to have it#but the pay is. uh. el-oh-el#academia: not even once
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LAURENCE HARVEY a.k.a. LARUSHKA MISCHA / ZVI MOSHEH SKIKNE (born october 1st, 1928 - died november 25th, 1973)
“I always believed in Laurence Harvey, even when nobody else did. Especially when nobody else did.”
“Most people imagined they knew and understood Larry with little trouble. That was a big mistake. They didn't know how deep and complex, how elusive, he remained behind his social mask.” - Paulene Stone, his wife
“I cannot yield to failure, it would make far too many people happy.”
#i care him (obscure actor nobody is talking about)#idk man i felt inspired to make this and ive been working on it for the past several hours at my job. i wish it was my job#so-called free thinkers when they remember a guy. anyway!#the first gif is from the wonderful world of the brothers grimm and we're lucky i was able to even get it bc its GONE from tubi 💔#fortunately i got it from some clip on youtube abt the restoration but i had to include something from that movie#with a vague theme in these gifs of lesser known. appearances. i guess#the second is from when a bunch of actors went to this birthday celebration for noel coward#the next is from password (his silly little mannerisms and the lady's eyebrow raise at the end is killing me)#and then celebrity bowling followed by columbo and then lastly welcome to arrow beach#for those of you if any that cared where these all came from#i just think he's neat (guy that i would like to make a documentary on)#and well he deserved a good gifset. maybe ill even make more . it could happen#you should all still watch the wonderful world of the brothers grimm. just maybe not some of his other movies ive suffered through#the columbo gif could look better but for some reason the gif maker made all the colors suck :( and thats the best it was gonna look#it was a battle against source quality and tumblrs gif size limit#i also considered making other gifs but you know what im happy w six (i don't have the patience to do more)#that post thats going around of like you have to follow people that are obsessed w old hollywood actors. im doing my part#youd love him. he was a bisexual sarcastic bitch . and i also think hes 😵💫 but that was probably obvious#laurence harvey#not bothering 2 tag the movies#happy larry day. which inspired all this
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#I just think it's ironic how I spent so much time thinking about leaving this country. but the moment I said: hey maybe I could make it work#if I find a good job and income maybe I could make it work. because I don't /want/ to leave#because this is my home and I know I won't be able to find myself anywhere. the MOMENT I decided to stay here and fight for my own future#and MAYBE be able to get my own place and just be at peace... THE MOMENT I decided that#things went to hell. and now ALL I think about 24/7 is where am I going to go? what should I do to leave? how much will it cost?#where do I begin?#and I'm lost and I feel like I'm trapped and running out of time because I don't know what's going to happen#and for the first time in a while I'm feeling /desperate/#it's like I'm grieving this country even before leaving it. but also grieving my life here#and the worst thing is that I don't even think I will (leave). I just want to. but I can't (hence the 'trapped' feeling)#I really wish I could go to sleep tonight and wake up in a safe place where I could be happy#my own little place is all I want. I don't even ask for endless fortune or beauty or love or anything#just a way and a place to be#random#personal#my shitty English#ohhhh... to be free to cry. what a dream. instead I have to take deep breaths and keep moving#where to? no idea. but moving it is
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the thing i really want to do is make cool graphic tees. like rn if i had to pick a "job" it would be, design cool graphic tees. i'm a t-shirt girlie (gn). i love a t-shirt. i'll put anything on a t-shirt.
#signs i should get back into the process of opening a shop#like i've determined already that my english degree? yea don't wanna work in any fields specific to that bc Deadlines and Stress#and my adhd brain just can't deal. and it also makes me hate writing and zaps me of energy for hobby / personal writing#like not sound like such a zillennial but. i need a more passive way of making money bc i am Not cut out for traditional jobs#my body can't handle in-person jobs (either sitting or standing for long periods of time)#and my adhd brain can't handle the stress of deadline from remote work and having to keep myself on track#also my remote work has basically bumped me down to freelance at this point and it's super inconsistent assignments so like.#literally not making a living wage rn which like. i'm very fortunate to live with family and have minimal expenses#but still. it's not something i can keep up long-term#any time i have to buy something i'm literally just eating my savings so. need to do Something#also. universal basic income when tho
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looking on job websites is awful actually what do u mean theres multiple posts of straight white women complaining that they cant get hired because of their gender/race combo and lgbtq+ inclusion and the fact theyre not disabled ,,,,, girl... girl none of us can get jobs ,,
#there r other white ppl in the comments saying they lie and claim to be hispanic and they still cant get a job like. man. man i wonder why#the fact these comments have 50+ likes too like. hey man#can u guys. look at yourselves for a second#im just trying 2 find work i did not intend to stumble onto facebook level posting im deactivating my acc HJBA#NOT TODAY...........u cant get me to read this#the fact i have 2 lie about my gender and sexuality and horrible broken body just 2 feel safe#thats not even taking into account the racism that goes on that i am fortunate enough 2 not be a victim of because i am also white but like#theyre out here saying hmmmmmm actually..#us white cishets who r perfectly ablebodied & ideal for long shifts on their feet r the ones who have it the worst ..help us... helop......#we r BLACKLISTED !!!!!!!!!
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so scared of never finding a job that i like and now having to survive a few months without any income loooool so great
#fortunately my mom is more than willing to support me and i am really thankful for that#i also just need to remember that i'm still only 22 and i have my whole life ahead of me to get a job like jesus i'm so dramatic#even starting to think that this internship will be a bad idea#cos i am seriously doubting going back to uni it is just soooo long for a degree that ultimately does not have a lot of job opportunities
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As someone who has been struggling with loneliness and being on their own, I do sometimes wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Because no matter where I go, I always feel like I have to pretend to a certain degree, that I'm trying to play a role. It's so alienating. Like, I do think I manage to get along with most people, but they don't see me/care to do so, and it's...frustrating. I never really had friends when I was a kid or teenager. I don't have any now and it's so fucking hard not to feel this loneliness. Knowing that you are living one of your biggest fears and all that bullshit. And I wonder... maybe it's always been me.
#and sometimes i wonder if people can smell it on me#this desperation to be needed and someone people want around#and i think about how fucked up my brain is#and that maybe i won't ever be fortunate enough to be seen again#and I've been alone for years and i did meet people but it never seems to work because i get too into my head it fuck it up#and october and November just sucked and this loneliness is killing me and I'm working a job i don't like and i miss my siblings#and i want to go home to a place that doesn't even feel like home anymore#but i also want to leave and i am just so tired#i just need a little peace#sorry...#i hope it's okay I'm sharing this stuff#if not let me know :)#personal#txt.
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my job is annoying me so bad, they're micromanaging so much recently, if they fire me, idgaf tbh!!!!!
#im very fortunate to srill wirh my parenrs cause otherwise would not have rhe ease to say that#but man this job is getting on my nerves now#like wdym we have to be on camera for meetings#also they sent us a group PIP email?????#and my HR rep was on me this morning abt why my teams status shows me as offlinr like I JUST LOGGED IN GIVE IT A MINUTE#luna.txt
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BROOOOO MY FRIEND HOOKED ME UP WITH A TERTIARY JOB?!
#Crazy that I just got a fortune cookie that says “everything is open to you”#I do kind of believe in fortune cookies to an extent#It pays more per week than my school job too… but I’m keeping the school job obviously because that’s my passion (one of them)#I might open a savings account for creative pursuits and use that to finish 1984#Or I might save for top surgery or a house#idk we’ll see#YAY YAY YAY#The girls are BUILDING#I must admit part of my flat mood and hopelessness was caused by my constantly worrying about money#Not that I’m financially destitute; I just have to be extremely careful what I do with it and I obsess and make projections over it#To make sure I’m not losing money with every paycheck. And even though I’m doing a good job… it’s just a lot#Maybe with the path I’m currently on I can get famous and filthy rich and then give 90% of my income to the community#(I’d hate being famous though but fame is power and I’ve always wanted to help people and having that power will help me do that)#But (when people don’t talk over me) they like what I have to say and how I say it because I’ve worked on my speech meticulously#so I know how to speak elegantly and with wit like I write now (when I’m well rested)
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hi there, I love your fics 🥺 any kennderland content soon?
I hope so!
At my 'new' (as if it hasn't been half a year already) job I literally cannot have my phone on me while I work so any of the little downtime I've had I can't write on my phone........
........so I've been hand writing it when I get the chance (featuring censor lizard)
[ edit: video and end of post below cut ]
The problem now is I have to sit down and write this up digitally which I just... haven't done it yet.
Thank you to those of you who have recently left kudos and comments! I do see them and it makes me happy and pushes me to try and get more stuff written.
#work was super busy for the last three months and ive been learning on the fly and its been like drinking through a firehose#just normal industry capitalism problems of not enough people and not enough time for a big fucking project#so it was down to either giving the new inexperienced person (me) the really fucking hard thing to do or no one does it lol#i do like the work wayyy more than my old job but its been A Lot#im fortunate enough to have a good manager and way more experienced people helping me get through it#anyway that dumb dumpster fire is basically done now (hopefully) so i'll (hopefully) not be using all my braincells as much#im also so bad and rotating additional blorbos and have ideas for that stuff rn that if incorporated into PE as is would be a big time skip#and a lot of 'ok just trust me this is how this is working'#anyway thats all my excuses lmao#if you are one of the people out there that can still read cursive and/or my handwriting you can spoil yourself#asks#ramblings#kennderland#STEM is all well and good until you get into it and realize how many things are holding on by a thread#thats a wholeeee other rant that i dont need to get started on lol
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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Today was a bad day
#MRI went okay but then i went to pick up my meds and my hsa card was declined so i had to call them up and found out they cancelled my card#so they could send me a new one since my plan technically changed since I'm no longer employed#so I won't get a new card for another like 2 weeks#then on top of that i went out and bought several different kinds of litter and tesla was still trying to be naughty#and I felt so bad keeping him confined in the computer room until he used the litter box#and then as I was throwing the litter out the bag ripped and it spilled all over#fortunately my neighbor was super nice and helped me#also i got my period#and everyone's like 'you're so brave for quitting your job and moving out here without a plan'#and im not brave#im scared and stupid and tired#i broke down crying and tesla came downstairs to make sure i was okay and i love him so much#i just wish he would use the litter box#I'm tired.... and i haven't gotten a chance to eat yet today#so I'm just like#in a bad headspace#odt
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just came across my dream fucking boots under 100$…… i know i will cave in anyway but omg i wish i wasnt broke af rn
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