#forgot how much fucking fun glitter glue is

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

A prompt for your birthday, because I heard a story today from a friend with long curly hair about getting glitter dumped in it as a teenager - Ed and Stede goofing around with crafts (remember the slime craze?! Or like resin crafting) and Things Escalate Wildly with the glitter, or something, idk, anyway GLITTER IN THEIR HAIR

(also solidarity from someone who has some real shitty birthdays, I hope they get better or at least have some bright spots)

This turned out so SOFT!!

They had made a horrible mistake.

It had started out so innocently, too. Ed had sent Stede a list of cute couple’s crafts, and they’d decided to do one where they made outlines of their hands in glitter on a piece of paper. They thought it would be something super cute to hang up in their living room (and they were right, it looked fucked adorable).

They’d had to rest their hands on the paper, carefully applying glue all around them so the glitter would stick and form the outlines of their hands (resting next to each other on the paper, pinkies hooked together, of course). Ed had wrinkled his nose at the feeling, Stede had laughed…

And the glitter had been getting everywhere. Ed was glad he’d had the foresight to put a tarp down.

But then he’d made his mistake - he’d reached out to get a little bit of glitter on Stede’s cheek, and Stede had giggled and responded in kind, and…

Well, they’d had a bit of an all-out glitter fight right there in their living room. Ed had conceded defeat only when Stede had emptied the last of the bottle of rainbow glitter over the top of his head, and they’d laughed hand-in-hand on the way to the shower. Ed had told Stede that, covered in golden glitter like this, he looked like a sexy mermaid.

They were both covered in the stuff, and trying to shake out as much as they could off their clothes and hair was hilarious because of the sheer volume of it, but Ed kinda forgot about it once they got into the shower.

He had other things on his mind. Like washing Stede’s hair. Stede washing his hair. Soaping each other up. Watching the fogged-up mirror get even foggier as hands started wandering.

Then they’d stepped out of the shower, had fun drying each other off, Ed had wiped the mirror so he could start with his post-shower hair care routine - 

And they’d both screamed at the realization that Ed’s hair was still positively filled with the stuff.

Now, to be fair, Ed thought as the two of them stood panicking in their bathroom and Stede nearly slipped in his haste to rush bare ass-naked to their bedroom to run a Google search for how to get glitter out of curly hair, Stede still had some in his hair, too. But the shampoo and a good scalp massage had taken care of the brunt of it.

Ed’s hair was still caked with the stuff.

“It’s going to be in my hair forever,” Ed wailed twenty minutes later, standing bent over their kitchen sink as Stede gently, carefully worked some coconut oil into his hair. Ed used that stuff to moisturize his hair anyway, and Stede had read that getting it in and letting it sit could work wonders for separating glitter from your hair.

Stede gave Ed’s head a calming pat. “You do love glitter -”

“Not stuck in my hair, Stede!”

Ed hadn’t meant to snap, but his hair was a bit of a sticking point for him. He was proud of it, loved taking care of it, and the thought of not being in control of something happening to it was freaking him out a little bit.

“I know, sweetheart,” Stede said, then, kissing his bare shoulder.

“Sorry I snapped,” Ed mumbled, shivering at the gross feeling of so much oil worked into his hair, sticking to his neck.

“You’re under a lot of stress,” Stede said calmingly. “But not to fear! I’ll pick the glitter out piece by piece if I have to.”

He really probably would, if Ed asked it of him, Ed realized.

Thank fucking God, after letting the oil sit for a bit, Stede carefully washed Ed’s hair again there in the sink. They had to re-apply shampoo to get the oil out, so Ed knew he’d be doomed to dry hair for a few days, but at least the oil removal method seemed to work.

Stede took him to the bathroom so Ed could see for himself, and he sighed in relief. Still a stray sparkle or two, but definitely not the glitter-filled, easily-tangled mess from half an hour ago.

Ed slumped in relief right into Stede’s arms. “You saved me.”

Stede laughed softly, pressing a kiss to Ed’s cheek. “That’s my job.”

[hamingo]

Making these valentines has really got my living room looking like this. It's been 3 days lmao

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

Not to be dramatic but I'd KILL to see your Sunny/Moondrop writings

You have no fucking idea how fast I hopped on this ask-

*warning, may contain big titty milf

"Mom! Mom! Look!"

You looked up from your phone at your son, who was holding up a rather adorable piece of art. It was him, and you, holding hands, COVERED in glitter glue. You chuckled, looking it over in your hands.

"Wow, when did I suddenly get a little Picasso in the family? Take it you're having fun, huh kiddo?"

"Loads! I'm gonna make another piece with my new friend!"

"Well good! But don't take too long, you know your grandma is coming over to watch you for tonight, and she should be here any minute."

"Oh! I'll go get started! Think I can make something good enough for her fridge?"

You patted his little head, getting a big ol' smile from him.

"I bet it will be. Hop to it!"

With that, he ran off, joining the other kids in the art area of the daycare. You loved your kid to tears, you really did. It's why you hated that he was the only man in your life. You didn't put too much responsibility on him, he was only five, but you knew he tried harder than most kids to impress you and care for you. You separated from your ex husband not long after he was born, and by now, you were over it.

Unfortunately, you weren't over men in general. In fact, you were pretty much on the prowl. He needed a new father figure, and you needed a proper lover for once. Unfortunately, luck wasn't on your side. Tinder dates stood you up, and all the dads here were unfortunately, very happily married. LOTS of dads here at Freddy's today, all sporting rings, and it made you pissed off like you wouldn't believe. 

"You better not skimp out on me tonight, asshole."

You muttered at your phone screen. You had a date set up tonight, and you hoped, prayed even, for someone normal, yet as needy as you were. You weren't asking for Hercules here, just. Someone who cared enough to give you something you needed, just for tonight. You sat there, fiddling on your phone, until your mom finally showed up. After a brief exchange, a few goodbyes, they were off. You were now (at least for tonight) a mother with no responsibilities. You were about to head off, when you got a text.

'He said he's missing his watch, and forgot it in the ballpit. Can you go check? He looks upset'

Of course. You thought about just buying another one, they were available at the front desk. But you knew he could tell. You sighed, before responding.

'Sure, I'll look. Tell him to just have fun in the meantime.'

You got up from your seat by the ballpit, before walking over to some employee, who was picking up trash.

"Hey excuse me? My son lost his watch, I think it's in the ballpit, I was wondering-"

"Ma'am, imma be frank with you. You can either go and buy a new watch, or go look yourself. I don't get paid enough for this."

You thought about saying something about such a rude attitude, but from the side eyes you were getting, you were one wrong word away from being another 'Karen' online. You sighed.

"Thank you."

Was all you could say. You looked at the entire play area, before groaning. Better get started.

---------------------------

You woke up with a start. You jumped up a bit, realizing you were in the ballpit. You looked around, and realized the seats were empty. What time was it? You checked your phone, and your mouth went agape. Well into midnight, and your date was at eight o'clock. You checked your dating app, and sure enough, he sent you message after message, even tried calling you. You tried to call back, only for your phone to die right before you could manage.

"Oh no. Oh no oh no."

Dead phone, the place looked empty. The last you remember, you were looking for your son's watch. Somehow you were so tired, you just passed out in the ballpit. And that was just the last straw for you. You didn't even bother getting out of the pit, before starting to just cry into your hands. It was one thing after another lately, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. It wasn't fair. You just wanted some well deserved attention and kindness and-

"Oh ho ho! Someone is up late! I-oh no! Are those tears? Friend, what's…"

You looked up, and screamed as you jumped back. In front of you was a tall, skinny figure, with a big, smiling face. He held his hands in front of you, crouching down a bit in an attempt to look smaller.

"Woah! Easy there! It's alright! I didn't mean to scare you! I heard you making noises, and I THOUGHT I heard someone crying! What's wrong?"

You took a second to inspect him further. Ridiculous striped pants, bells for his shoes, and a sunny disposition. Literally, given his actual sun face. He stood there, waving his arms side to side in a silly little dance. You sniffed, rubbing at your now probably ruined makeup.

"I was...trying to find something my kid dropped. And I guess I got tired and just. Fell asleep here. And t-then I missed my date and-"

"Hey hey hey! One thing at a time, sweetheart! Look,"

He held your hands in his, jumping a bit in place, as if he was trying to have fun still.

"Why don't you tell me what you lost first? Maybe I can help you find it?"

There was something...comforting, being reassured. The hand holding, the 'sweetheart'. It was nice.

"Uhm...my son dropped his watch. He put a sticker with his name on it, couple of stars I think?"

"Was it by any chance a freddy fazbear brand watch? The free ones you get at the entrance?"

"Yeah?"

He let go of your hands, before patting himself down, then digging into his clothes. He then pulled out EXACTLY what you were looking for, name and all. You gasped as you took it from him, amazed.

"You found it!! How?"

He shrugged.

"I find ALL kinds of stuff that kids drop. Candy, watches, socks, toys- and I bring it to the lost and found! Because lost toys make for sad boys and girls, and I will NOT have any frowns in my daycare!"

He clapped, still doing his little dance. It was such a small thing, a brief act of kindness. You jumped on him, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. He laughed, patting your back softly. It was an honest, happy cackle. He was HAPPY to get a hug from you.

"Oh! A hug! We LOVE hugs here! This is my first hug from an ADULT! It's weird. I like it!!!"

He returned the hug, spinning you around with surprising strength, before putting you on the floor, and letting go. He kept doing his little dance, chipper as ever.

"So, what else did you say was making you sad?"

You wished he didn't bring it up. It reminded you of your dead phone and your missed chance for drinks. Your frown returned.

"Oh I missed my date tonight, and I was looking forward to it. It's...been a while."

"Oh! Like a play date?"

You rolled your hands a bit as you thought of how to explain this.

"No. It's uh, a grown up date. You know, when adults get...lonely. So they uh-"

"Oooh! Grown up time! I see, I see!"

He cackled, wiggling his finger at you as if you said a naughty joke. He moved and flailed, as if he'd die if he didn't keep moving, and he was making the best of it.

"You...know about that?"

"Uh huh! I know ALL about kids! Including HOW they're made! It's in my programming! What's also in my programming, is turning frowns upside down!"

He did a handstand, before standing upright, and placing his hands at your waist. He then lifted you up as If you were nothing, before bringing you to the end of the room, and placing you down on a table. You looked around where he just put you, and realized it was sort of like the control center of the place, full of odds and ends, all sorts of buttons and levers. He closed the distance between you two, wagging a finger in your face. 

"Now, I know I can't exactly get you right to your date, but I CAN play some games with you to cheer you up! It'll be like one big slumber party! Then, come morning, you can go home! Whatever game you wanna play!"

"I'm...not sure there's any games that'll cheer me up-"

You turned, maybe hoping to find some kind of phone, before he grabbed your hand, holding it tenderly in between his.

"Oh please! One game! Please! If you don't have fun, I can just take you out of here! But I have to TRY to make you smile!"

Maybe it was the way he held your hand. Maybe it was the fact that your heart was yearning. Maybe it was just the begging and pleading that sounded so honest and yearning. But regardless, you knew exactly what kind of game you wanted him to play.

"Okay. We'll play a game. How about Simon says?"

"Ohh!! I LOVE Simon says! Okay okay, let's play!"

He jumped on the spot, giddy to play this game with you.

"Okay. Simon says, stand right here."

You opened your legs, and pointed right in front of you. He obeyed, standing in between your legs. He was a tall, lanky fellow, so he fit there rather nicely. He was sort of...warm too.

"Simon says, put your hands on my thighs."

He nodded eagerly, his hands planted on your thighs. Oh that felt better than you thought it would.

"Simon says...squeeze them."

He looked puzzled, before he obeyed. His hands squeezed at your flesh, and even through your classic mom jeans, you could feel his warm, firm hands. Oh it was perfect.

"Simon says...put your fingers right in here."

You tugged at your own pants, and he seemed confused again, before his fingers undid those pesky buttons, and slipped past the cloth, even past the panties. Oh he was right at your clit, he could make you cum in an instant, it'd be so easy. You looked away from his face, to where his hand was. You could feel your heart race in your chest, and it almost made you feel faint.

"R-rub it."

He didn't. You snapped up to him, seeing what was the problem, when he gave a mad cackle.

"You didn't say Simon says! Ha! Now it's MY turn!"

Oh. Right. You were playing a game. You sighed, before relenting.

"Okay, Simon says, gimme a kiss!"

You surprisingly had no problem with it. You grabbed onto his face, and gave it a kiss. And another. And another. You didn't know how many you gave him, you just knew when you finally pulled away, his face was just DECORATED in your red lipstick. It suited him. He giggled, possibly shy about the adoration on his metallic face.

"Woo! You were excited about that one! Simon says, gimme a hug!"

You didn't hesitate again, grabbing his head, and pulling his face right into your bust. You didn't mean to brag, but you were pretty damn lucky in terms of the chest area, so sunny boy had quite the resting place for his head. He looked up at you from your bosom, clearly feeling your affection.

"What a nice hug! Okay, gimme another kiss!"

You didn't give him one. He looked almost sad, before you chuckled, poking his forehead with your nail.

"You didn't say Simon says."

"Oh! Ha! You're GOOD at this game! Okay, your turn!"

You loved that smile he gave you. He was eager to do as you said, and something told you it wasn't just because it was a game.

"Simon says, rub it."

His hand hadn't pulled out of your pants, so there was no wait. You felt his finger tips rub at your folds, slowly, softly. Oh you could feel him smear your pussy juices against his fingers.

"Hey, it's a little hard to do with your pants in the way, can I take these off?"

You nodded so quickly, you swore you'd get a headache. He pulled down your pants, then your panties, until they hung around your ankles. He continued, running you in much larger circles. You held his head with one hand, keeping his face in your breasts, while the other held onto the hand that was giving you so much pleasure.

"Oh...shit that's it…"

"You're giving me such a weird smile. I've never seen this kind before. I like it!! You have a super duper smile!!"

You shrunk a bit as he not only kept pleasing you, but kept his face buried in your soft, voluptuous chest. His face didn't exactly scream emotions other than smiling, but you could tell he was BEAMING.

"You...don't mean that. You're just being nice."

"No I mean it! You have a super super pretty smile! I like this one MUCH better than your sad face!"

Oh no. That was so terribly sweet. You knew your face exploded in blush, and it was so embarrassing. He was talking so sweetly, he was being so gentle. He was the softest, yet weirdest lover you've ever had.

"I wanna make you smile everyday! In fact I think I know how I can make you smile more! You wanna see?"

"Please. Yes. Please show me."

He hummed a bit, two fingers threatening to push inside of you. Long, slender, warm. You knew they'd feel so good, curled up inside of you.

"On one condition. You gotta say I'M the winner!"

God that was weirdly cute of him. You nodded quickly, swallowing.

"You're the winner! You totally win! Just. S-show me how you can make me smile, please."

He gave a little victory dance upon hearing you say this, and lifted his face up to bump against your face, in some odd attempt to kiss you. His fingers, slowly, teasingly, pushed inside of you. Two, long digits pushed inside of your wet pussy, carefully stroking you, exploring you. You melted over his touch, head tossed back as they slid in and out.

"You're the sweetest thing I've ever smelled. Like, better than ANY scratch n' sniff sticker!"

Oh it was so stupid, how special that made you feel. He nuzzled into you (much as his large head would allow), and you swore you heard him take in your scent. You didn't mind, not when he was going knuckle deep into you now. He was playing you like a fiddle, forcing you to make all sorts of sounds as his fingers toyed with you. Your wetness was so loud, only your moans compared. You felt his other hand under your shirt, slowly up your back, before hooking a finger against your bra. With one fell swoop, he pulled it right out of your shirt, catching you by surprise. 

"H-how did you do that?"

"Magic tricks! I'm VERY good with my hands!"

You felt his fingertips brush against that sweet spot, and you felt electricity shoot up your spine. You nodded quickly, blood rushing and head spinning.

"Y-yeah, you are, I believe it. You should uh, really keep showing me-!"

It was as if he read your mind. He was barely picking up the speed, but him massaging that spot was getting you there. You leaned back, having a death grip on his wrist as he kept, ever so slowly, pushing you further and further to that edge.

"Oh my god oh my GOD, keep going, I'm a-almost there, please please I NEED this!!"

You really did. It had been so long. Self satisfaction never gave you that same feeling. You needed another's hand. Another's body on yours. So close so close so CLOSE!

Then you pushed the button. It was an accident, you swore it was. But your hand pushed a button, and suddenly the lights went out, leaving only the big star nightlights above shining down on you both.. You were about to laugh it off, maybe comment about how it was romantic, when he pulled away from you, grabbing a hold of his face.

"Oh no. Oh no oh no!! Y-you turned the lights off!! You can't turn them off!!!"

He kept pulling at his face, screaming as if he was in pain. He kept backing away from you, and it was freaking you out. You were about to try to calm him down, when he suddenly walked so far back, he fell over the desk, and onto the floor. There was a grunt of agony, and you were honestly concerned. You were about to put your pants back on and rush to him, before you saw his face pop back up past the counter. Only, it wasn't him. His eyes were red, predatory. They scanned over the counter, before finding you. His voice wasn't soft or cheerful anymore. It was...sleazy, like a predator going after a younger, weaker member of a herd.

"Naughty, naughty girl...it's past your bedtime."

He jumped onto the counter. His pants were now littered with stars, looking like night lights. His movements were still giddy, but in a slower, more calculated way.

"Naughty girls get punished."

He leapt up from the counter, out of view. You looked around for a moment, trying to see if you could find him, before you suddenly felt yourself grabbed by him. One hand held your breast, the other went right between your legs. He snarled into your ear, and dear God did it make you wet.

"I've never punished such a pretty girl before. I wonder what sounds you make. I wonder how you scream."

His hand groped and grabbed at your chest, roughly kneading and teasing at your nipple through your sort of thin shirt. And his three fingers? Oh it was heaven. They were far from gentle, pumping in and out of you quickly, making such a loud sound as he stuffed your pussy with his fingers. And the sounds against your ear. The cackling, the snarling, the comments of you being a bad little girl.

"Oh someone wants to cum. You want to cum over these fingers, girlie? While I play with these, big, fat titties of yours?"

"Y-yes!"

Oh he was so rough with you. Holding you like you didn't have a choice. He growled against your skin so hungrily, you bit your bottom lip, oh so ready to be finger blasted into an orgasm. 

"Then say it. Say you've been bad, so I know you deserve your punishment."

When you didn't do it immediately, he pulled his fingers out, and smacked your sensitive clit, making you yelp far louder than you'd like to admit. He dipped four fingers into you now, stretching you as he went knuckles deep, completely stuffing your pussy with his demanding, punishing fingers.

"I've been bad! I've been such a bad little girl! I need to be punished! I need you to make me c-cum for you!"

"Then cum for me. Scream for me. Take me and your punishment."

Then finally. FINALLY. You came. You clenched down on his fingers as you spilled over the controls you were sitting on. He was relentless, fucking you through it. No matter how much you thrashed, no matter how much you screamed, he kept fucking you with his oh so talented hand the entire way through, and his other fingers dug deep into your tits. It wasn't until you were whimpering, that he stopped. He pulled out of you slowly, peering over your sopping wet, gaping pussy. Your head spun, your body laced with sweat.

"Open your mouth, take your medicine."

You opened your mouth, and allowed him to force his smooth, slender fingers into your ever eager mouth.

Best. Slumber party. Ever.

-------------------------

You came here every weekend. Have been for about a few months now. You thought it was a one off, but it just. Never stopped. He listened to you, he complimented you, he gave you attention. Him being an animatronic was just uh...complication. A quirk if anything. But you weren't complaining. You were happy, and so was your little man. 

"Mom, do you think he'll like it?"

"Course he will, honey. He always likes your work."

You walked with your son into the daycare, and there he was. Doing a handstand, holding someone's toddler by his feet, clearly entertaining the kiddos. Then, he saw you. He immediately put them down, and walked over to you, clearly not thinking of getting back on his feet.

"I've been WAITING for you two! Running kinda late today!"

"A little artist just HAD to finish his drawing for you. Go on, show him."

He eagerly ran up to Sunny, who looked at the drawing. He whistled loudly, nodding, clearly impressed.

"For ME? oh you shouldn't have! I love it so much! You know what'd really make this POP though? Glitter glue! I just got some new colors today! Why don't you go check them out, champ?"

He patted his head with one of his feet, making him laugh. He looked at you with permission, before you nodded, letting your little rugrat run off to get his new shirt all dirty with crafts. Meanwhile, your little jester climbed up the bench where you sat, not ONCE letting his feet touch the ground.

"Hey! I missed you!"

"I was here last week, Sunny."

"Feels too long! I miss my favorite Simon says player!"

Making sure no one saw, you held his face, and kissed it.

"Don't worry. We get to play the game tonight. And I got a whole new bag of toys for you to play with~"

"I like toys. But I definitely like you more!"

So your boyfriend/not boyfriend was a robot. No biggie. You just knew that with that strap on in your extra duffel bag, you were ABSOLUTELY ready for your day to get a bit more...Sunny. 

[totallypathet]

Episode Three

First of all...what the fuck was that challenge. And what the fuck was the logic to judging it?! I spent so much of this episode just being confused. I think it would have been so much better if they were allowed to come up with their own ideas and characters, instead of having this really narrow space to work in; that was bizarre to me. Like Just Jan could have done a really delusional, high energy character who was the worst singer in the world; that would have been funny! Instead they stuck them with these bizarre storylines that made no sense, and had very little humour in them. Idk whose choice that was but it was a choice. Anyway, let's get into the rundown!

1. Aiden Zhane

I am not living for Aiden at all. Her attitude in both episodes has let a lot to be desired for me. And also, that runway? What was that? I could buy that dress on Asos, glue some bows to it and have that look. The concept was cool, the bows falling on her? Cool idea. But if you're going to do that then you need to Do It, yknow? Like it would have been cool if she'd had a huge wig completely made of bows. Or if she'd had an umbrella and made it look like it was raining bows, or something, that could have been really cool! It could have been amazing and she took a really easy way out. Disappointing. And her performance was dull. She deserved to be in the bottom more than Nicky Doll.

The only thing I will say for Aiden in this episode is the way Brita and Redacted behaved towards her was really uncool. They did that whole "you didnt lead us at all", and then told her that they carried her? You know that if she had led them they would have totally thrown her under the bus and said "well we do this professionally and we wanted to do this, but she was the leader and she made us do that". It was totally a damned if you, damned if you don't; and that was really unfair.

2. Brita

Guys, I am Bored of Brita. I am over it, and I am underwhelmed. I haven't seen anything from her that I've enjoyed! Her looks have been dull, she's not that funny, and I dont like the way she behaves (like I said with Aiden). She wont be next to go home, but hopefully she wont be long.

3. Crystal Methyd

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE CRYSTAL METHYD! I'm so sick of them going "oh her makeup is always the same", when it has been different each time!! She has a style and a brand, but it's not the same face!! Aiden Zhane does the same fucking face, none of them have picked that out! Loads of queens come in and they only have one face! Not mentioning any names Silky Nutmeg Ganache and Roxxxy Andrews. They got away with it because they were beauty mugs and that's the type of drag this show is biased towards. Crystal Methyd is an artist, let her do herself! That runway look was ugly though. Having said all that. Her face was gorgeous, I loved her makeup, I just thought that look wasnt very her! It didn't suit her somehow, it wasn't right. But she tried really hard during the improv, and I think she did a passable job! She honestly should have been safe, fight me. I just really hope she doesn't change herself to please the judges bc she has such a great vision and point of view, and I don't want her to lose sight of how great she is.

4. Dahlia Sin

Dahlia, Dahlia, Dahlia. Speaking of being underwhelmed, am I right? I had such high hopes for Dahlia, but this week she just didn't pull anything out. I personally think the fruit sketch was really funny, but it would have been exactly the same if Dahlia hadn't been in the group. She was so focused on being ~sexy~ (which is tough in a broccoli costume), that she forgot about everything else. Plus her bows and buttons look was just...odd. from the neck up it had this very avant garde, couture feel, but the outfit itself just looked unfinished. And then to have this weird arse peekaboo thing? Really weird choice. She deserved to be in the bottom and, after that lip sync, she deserved to go home.

I have seen a lot of posts about Dahlia "storming out", and I genuinely don't understand what they're talking about? Like, okay, she didn't say anything before she walked off, does that really constitute storming off? If she'd walked off while Ru was still talking, or if she'd yelled/screamed/sworn, then sure, maybe - but from what I saw she was just upset and wanted to leave as fast as possible. Idk, also they haven't released Untucked on the UK Netflix, so maybe there was more I didnt see.

5. Gigi Goode

I live for Gigi so much. I mean come on! Her character in the improv was passed out half the time and still had presence! She's so funny, and she's not afraid to let loose and get ugly. I think she did a good job in the improv, especially for someone without all that much experience, and her look on the runway was incredible. Solid 8/10 for Gigi this week.

6. Heidi N Closet

Heidi was robbed. I bought everything Heidi was selling this week. I bought it, I didn't stream it, I didn't rent it from the Netflix, I bought it. She was so funny during the challenge; the flipper? She spat out? Iconic. She had me dying the whole time, her, Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode should have their own series, I'd watch the hell out of it. Then she came bouncing down the runway as glitter Pinnochio, and she told that story about when she was at school and I loved every second! Shes so charming, and loveable, and relatable, and Jaida Essence Hall must have been gagged when she was top 2. She was robbed, she should have won, and she should keep her name! That whole thing with "the mouth has to change shape and it's not satisfying to say"? Bullshit, utter bullshit bitch. Heidi N Closet 4lyf.

7. Jackie Cox

Jackie made me so happy this week! Their whole group was hilarious, but Jackie doing the bad ventriloquist act just sent me, I loved it. And she just seems like the sweetest person as well! Her runway look was gorgeous, I loved the reference, her makeup was absolutely stunning, Jackie Cox is seriously the whole package. Her and Heidi should have been top 2 together.

8. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida came in looking like a pageant queen, but she seriously flexed her comedy muscles this week! Her "bad apple" was hilarious, and she really committed to it! She was a firm leader in the group, but she was a good team player in the scene, she let everyone else have their moment too, and it was a good performance! I was a little bit disappointed that her runway look was very very similar to her spring mini challenge look from last week, but it was still a good look, and honestly I probably wouldnt have noticed if it hadn't been one episode after the other. She has shown a lot of diversity already, I think she just set the bar so high last week that I was really expecting something incredible, and I got something that was "just" good instead. She's still one to beat at the moment!

9. Jan

Jan made me so proud this week!! She was really funny in the skit, she had so much energy and enthusiasm, I loved it! Her jokes were funny, she picked a solid character and played it well, and can we talk about the runway though??? I really expected her to come out in something cute, because her personality is so bubbly and instead she gave me horror high fashion, monster couture and she Sold. Every. Second. It was a total transformation from the challenge to the runway and that, at the heart of it, is what I love about drag; that transformation aspect is just art to me. For me, Jan has it all. She definitely should have been top 3 this week. I think she's served the best runways so far, and I cannot wait to see what she does next week.

10. Nicky Doll

Okay, you guys know I love Nicky Doll. This week was not a good week for her. I appreciate that improv must be so hard in your second language, but I think she suffered a little bit from Dahlia Syndrome: she was so focused on staying pretty that she didn't really deliver anything. I kind of wish her character had literally just been French and spoke no English - part of the joke could have been that language barrier and Crystal/Window not understanding a word she said and her getting more and more frustrated about it. That could have been really funny. Also, her runway look...I know where she was going with it, it was a cool concept, and it was executed okay, there was just something missing, you know? It felt a little bit rushed, and again there was this real focus on being ~pretty~. Maybe if she'd looked a little more Cinderella ish, like her makeup wasn't perfect, and her hair was tied up like she was actually sewing, it would have sold me a little more character. I'm not sure, everything was just a little off for me this week, but I still think she's fierce af, and we all stumble sometimes. I'm looking forward to seeing her get back on her feet next week!

11. Rock M Sakura

Rock M was picked last for the challenge, I could not believe it. She deserved better than that, I was shook. She definitely picked the right group though, she was really funny as the Orange! She looked like she was having fun, and that's what I love about Rock M, is that I have fun watching her have fun. Her jokes were great, she matched Jan's energy, and I think she did a good job. I loved her runway look as well, the Alice in Wonderland concept was great, and I love that she kept the dress pretty simple so that the focus was on her hair and makeup! Her makeup was gorgeous, and the detail of the buttons on her face was stunning! It was a great concept, well executed, this week was a great week for Rock M, and I'm going to be furious if she gets picked last again.

12. Widow Von Du

Widow is getting The Edit. The edit that queens of colour who are talented get, where they paint them as bitchy, or loud, or as stepping on the other girls' toes; so that the audience isn't too pussed off when they get eliminated. Widow is exceedingly talented, and funny, and filled with personality. She also serves looks and delivers incredible performances. I will not let this edit take that away from her. She did great this week. She delivered everything I ordered in the challenge and more, she completely transformed for the runway, and she sold me a great presentation. Widow is definitely one to beat.

[theythemsam]

spn 6x09, liveblog, collected posts (all 17 of them) or as i like to call it: Dean gets arrested for homophobe crimes and Sam drinks from a really tiny cup and if there were less rape jokes and jokes about little people in this one I could actually love this episode

 Ohhhh, it’s the fae episode!!!

#introduced by the typical stupid horror movie teens

 The intro asdfghj I forgot that they cut it like the X-Files, which is so very funny!!!

 Asdfgh Sam is so sassy & I love it Oh No

#if you want to add some glitter to that glue you are snorting that’s fine. All you need is a couple dozen cats sister #but then it turns out she was right all along asdfgh

 “Old Sam had a soul, was a soul, whatever” I Love Sam So Much!!!!

 Aaaand more rape jokes! As funny as “Empathy, Sam! Empathy!” is, I Hate This So Much!

 Oh god, soulless!sam is such a mess, I love my emotionless boy

#its just so different from regular sam its so much fun!!!

 “So say, you got a soul and you’re on a case and your brother gets abducted by aliens – (…) what about when there are no more leads for the night? Are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer, even when there’s nothing that can be done at that moment?” “Yes. Yes you sit in the dark and feel that loss.” “Ok, absolutely. But couldn’t I just do all that and have sex with the hippie chick? (…) It’d be in the dark.”

I just… I love soulless!sam so much.

 Them having one of these weird motel rooms with the forest background fits really well with tinker bell

#i wish dean would stop calling everything bitch, it’s disgusting!!!!

 “It was a little glowing hot naked Lady with nipples and… and she hit me” *makes the saddest face ever* Listen Dean I laughed at that. Let Sam laugh at you acting like a baby too. It is funny.

 I love the Fairy Lady. Sure she’s a bit weird, but she has her charm

#me already on the barricades for weird women

 Sam with very tiny tea cups is so funny.

#his big hands and just the tiny tiny tea cup asdfghj

 I Love These Brownies/Heinzelmännchen!

#I actually feel sorry for the guy

 Also Dean getting arrested for homophobe crimes is honestly the funniest thing ever

#so fucking traumatizing for the dude it’s happening to and I hope he’s not too badly traumatized (bc lmao I would be) but its still… asdfghk

 Also him then walking around sadly in his cell asdfghj

#suffer harder

 I actually love how this season is all about souls and energy.

 The frustration on the Fae’s face when Sam just pours out the salt asdfggh FAV

#hes just so… done and disappointed. In the words of catra: arrggghh nooooo. Betrayal!!!!

Also them making fun of little people in the end is disgusting af

[channimagine]

Chanyeol x Reader

Hi guys! Here’s part 2 of my Chanyeol x Youtuber!au I made few weeks ago. Last time, Chanyeol was doing his girlfriend’s makeup, so what about doing the opposite? Hope you’ll like it :3

Btw, here’s part 1 ! Enjoy~

_______________________________________________________________________

You were checking your camera, cleared your throat and looked at your boyfriend.

“Are you ready, honey?” you asked, with a smile.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea…?”

“Come on babe, you’ve already said yes…”

“I know I’m sorry. I’m a little stressed…”

You took his face on your hands and kissed the tip of his nose, smiling.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about anything, I’ll do my best~” Your boyfriend smiled and kissed your nose back.

“Oh well, I’m not scared of that I know you’ll do good but you know… Doing makeup on a guy… People might think it’s weird…”

“Chanyeol…”

“I mean, I don’t want anyone to attack you on social medias…”

“You know I don’t care about them, and you shouldn’t too! We’re having fun and won’t let anyone say anything bad about this, okay? So, let’s enjoy our little moment okay~”

“Hmm alright…” he smiled.

“And don’t worry, you’ll look good!”

“Well I’m already a beauty, you know.”

“Please stop. Okay, ready…” you turned the camera on. “Hi guys, welcome back to my channel! Today, because you guys were like 1556854 to ask another video with my boyfriend Chanyeol… here he is.” 

Chanyeol raised his hand with a shy smile and looked at the camera and then you.

“Yup. It’s me, ya boy…”

“What?”

“Nevermind.”

“Alright!! I don’t know if you guys remember, but last time Chanyeol was there, he did my makeup for the first time in his life. So, this time, we decided I’ll do his makeup, for the first time! How do you feel about this, honey?”

“Well… Stressed. Does it hurt?”

“What?”

“All those… pencils and brushes on your face…” Chaneyol was speaking slowly, and touching his skin, looking concerned. You laughed and caressed his cheek.

“Aw don’t worry honey I’m not gonna hurt you…”

“I have faith in you, so please don’t destroy me, okay?”

You both laughed a little.

“Okay I’ll do my best! Are you ready to look like a king?”

“Yup!”

“Okay so…” you were searching for some things all around the table, in front of you. “I’m going for a soft look okay?”

“Alright…”

“Good. Put that on your skin, I have to find my blinder, I think I’ve lost it…” you gave a little tube to Chanyeol. He considered it for a moment and opened it carefully.

“What is this…?”

“A primer, honey.”

“A primer? For what?” Chanyeol squeezed the tube a little bit and put some primer on his finger. “Where should I put it?”

“On your face Channie. It prepares your skin and stuff like that- Ah I’ve found my blinder!”

Chanyeol was shyly applying primer on his cheek, confused. You giggled a little and put some more on his forehead, nose and eyes.

“Okay that’s better~ Let’s start with the eyes… I’m going to use brownish, reddish colors for this look. All the products are listed on the description down bellow, by the way!”

“It’s going to be so painful…”

“No, I’m gentle, don’t worry!” you kissed his cheek and gave him a sweet smile. “All right, first, I’m going to start with a light base, so the color will pop-up when I’ll apply it… Close your eyes.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes and you started applying the light base on his eyelid, trying to be as gentle as possible.

“Am I hurting you?” you asked.

“Hmm no. I have to say it’s a little uncomfortable, but that’s fine.”

“Cool~ Now, I’m going to apply this brownish color. Pretty right? And then this reddish.”

You showed it to your boyfriend and then to the camera. He smiled, looking at the pretty colors and closed his eyes again.

“How did you lean all of this…?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“To to apply makeup and stuff.”

“I guess I learned all by myself. I learned thanks to tutorials on the internet!”

“Hmm I see. It’s impressive…”

You smiled, trying to stay focused on what you were doing.

“Thanks, Channie you’re cute. But you know, it’s the same thing for you: you learned to play the guitar all by yourself.”

“Yeah it’s true.”

“All right! I’m done here! Have a look.” You gave him a little mirror, smiling. “Tell me what you think.”

Chanyeol look at himself in the mirror with a smile, feeling great about his look.

“Wow. I… I look good.”

“Of course, you do, idiot. Alright, let me but some glitters, now. This has to GLOW.”

“Hey, I don’t want to be like a disco ball, Y/N.”

“You won’t, don’t worry. I’m a professional~”

“Oh well.”

You put some glitters on his eyes, proudly looked at your master piece and then started working on the foundation.

“Okay let’s take this shade…”

“Isn’t it a little too light for me?”

“No I think it will be perfect with contouring.”

“… okay??”

Chanyeol watched you carefully putting some foundation on a beauty blinder and applying it on his face, by softly patting his skin.

“Am I hurting you, honey?”

“Not at all. It’s quite relaxing, to be honest.”

“Okay good! It’s nearly finished. I just have to lighten some zones or make others darker… and we’ll be good!”

“Waw it’s really hard and long…”

“It’s because I want you to look like a real king!”

“You’re cute Y/N.”

You smiled and kissed the top of his nose.

“Alright. Next step: contouring.”

“…”

“It’s okay, it’s basically the same thing but with other colors.”

“Oh nice.”

“You really like that blinder, right?”

“It feels soft on the face!!”

“Yeah I guess…” 

You took your brushes with a little smile on your face and started contouring his face. Your boyfriend took a look at the mirror next him, and raised an eyebrow.

“…why do I look like I have some paint on my face, right now?”

“It’s because makeup is an art and you’re my canvas~” you winked.

“…did you just flirt with me?”

“It was too much, right?”

“That was pretty funny.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be funny!!”

Chanyeol laughed and kissed your hand as an apology.

“Alright you giant, let me finish this.”

“Yes please~”

You quickly finished what you had to do to make a beautiful skin for your boyfriend and started working on the eyebrows.

“Okay don’t move. … I SAID DON’T MOVE.”

“I’m sorry, it tickles!!”

“How??”

“How can I know?”

“…”

“…”

“You have pretty eyebrows, to be honest.”

“Thank you princess.”

“You’re welcome, honey.”

You finished and took your eye-shadow pallet once again. Chanyeol looked at you with concerned eyes.

“Again? You said you were done with the eyes!”

“No, I need to work on your under-eyes and… eye liner.”

“…No please.”

“I’m sorry but you knew it was going to happen sooner or later.”

“Can’t you skip this step?”

“Are you kidding me this is the most important thing! Alright, take a deep breath don’t move a single finger, okay?”

“I don’t want to die.”

“You’ll die if you move, Chanyeol so stay focused!”

Chanyeol did as you said and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. You took your liner pencil and started drawing a thin line on his eyelid. When you were too close to his lashes, your boyfriend made a little sound, to make you understand how uncomfortable he was.

“I’m almost finished, don’t worry.”

“Hmm…”

“Okay! I’m done!”

“Finally!”

“Now, let’s do the other one.”

“NO.”

After a moment of negotiation, you were finally able to do the other eye. You was faster with this one than the other, because Chanyeol was holding his breath a little too much, and you were scared he might die.

“Ta-dah!”

“Oh my god finally.”

“You look beautiful, honey.”

“Thanks, but please, don’t touch my eye with that pencil of the devil ever again.”

“Alright~ Look at your gorgeous self in the mirror now! …and please don’t cry, you’re going to ruin my master piece.”

“You’re so heartless…” 

He took the mirror, pouting and then saw his reflect in it. He blinked and looked closer. 

“Wow. I’m probably going to fall in love with myself, I look so damn cute.”

“Well, you’re welcome??”

“You’ve done a pretty good job, here! Thanks baby!”

“Hmm…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I feel like something is missing.”

“Really?”

“…do you want to get cuter?”

“…are you really asking??”

“Okay don’t move!!”

You left the room, leaving Chanyeol alone in front of the camera, admiring himself.

“Not gonna lie, I look pretty gorgeous.” He looked at the camera, and moved his eyebrows, making a flirty smirk. “Hello ladies and gentlemen, here’s your handsome boi Park Chanyeol, please don’t fall in love with me…”

“What are you saying, Chanyeol…”

“Nothing babe~”

“Okay, I got you some fake eyelashes and some brushes to make fake freckles! What do you think?”

“Is it going to make me look cuter?”

“Definitely.”

“What are you waiting for, then?”

You took the fake eyelashes and put some special glue on it. Chanyeol looked at you, confused.

“…what the fuck is that?”

“Glue.”

“…are you really going to put that on my eyes?” he asking, pointing at the glue with his finger.

“Yup. It’s safe don’t worry!”

“It doesn’t look safe at all!”

“Stop complaining and come here, you crybaby. I’m doing this everyday.”

You put the two eyelashes on and looked at him, with a smile. 

“… You look amazing.”

“It’s heavy…”

“Yeah but you look cuter!”

“Right…”

“Now, the freckles.”

“Please tell me this is not going to be painful.”

“Nah you’re gonna love it, I’m using my beauty blender.”

“YES.”

You smiled and took several brown pencils and made little dots on his upper-cheeks and his nose. Then you took your blinder and toned down the little dots.

“Waw this looks super cute.” You said.

“I AM super cute.”

“Please don’t speak, I need concentration.”

“Hehe~”

“And…here we are~ You’re now the cut- WAIT no you’re not.”

“Why?”

“I forgot about the lips, wait.”  

“Oh right.”

You took your favorite liquid lipstick and applied it on your boyfriend’s lips, and then admired your masterpiece, finally completed.

“All right! Now you’re officially the cutest boy in the entire galaxy~”

“Please give me the mirror!!” he took it and smiled to himself. “Wah you’re right I look pretty cute~ Thank you Y/N you did an amazing job~”

“Hehe you’re welcome!” you smiled to you boyfriend, and he came closer to the camera.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen, it’s me again, you’re boi. Now my transformation is finally completed, and I’m the prettiest boi alive… Once again, if you fall in love with me, I’m not responsible…~”

“Are you done, yet?”

You boyfriend laughed a little, as a reply. After a moment, you finally said goodbye to the camera and tuned it off.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Please, can you teach me how to do those freckles? And the liner is pretty cool too… And how do you apply foundation properly??”

You proudly smiled at him and took his face in your hands. You gave him a soft kiss on the forehead and smiled.

“I will!”

“Thank you, Y/N, you’re the best!”

_______________________________________________________________________

It’s finally done!! I’m not gonna lie, this made me want to do my boyfriend’s makeup but UH he’ll probably cry at every step.

Hope you guys liked anyway (tell me if you did :3) it and if you have suggestions, please tell me, my ask box is fully open! :3

[heartshapedracetrack]

Because it’s the start of December and I reached 150 follower yesterday ( thank you all so much !! It’s completely unedited though so please don’t kill me.

Happy Holiday time

Here’s some Dele Alli/Eric Dier something

“What the hell are you wearing?” Eric asks, eyes narrowing in disgust.

He’s not sure if he’s actually seeing it right. He never needed glasses before. His eyes were always fine but now he isn’t so sure anymore.

“Is that a christmas sweater?”

It’s hideous and green, with a brown reindeer printed on the front. There’s some red glitter too somewhere on the fabric, looking like santa threw up on it. Maybe he did. Eric wouldn’t be surprised.

“It’s Gucci.” Dele retorts standing up from the couch where he was curled up like a cat, phone in hand. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and some fluffy socks looking so utterly comfortable, that Eric feels mildly overdressed.

“It’s ugly”. Eric says because they both know he’s right. There are no such things as pretty Christmas sweaters. Even Eric knows that with his limited experience in the fashion world. It’s a fact.

“Did you just come over to insult my sweater,” Dele asks, “or did you want anything else. Why are you here?”

Eric blinks for a moment confused to remember why he turned up in Dele’s house in the first place.

“You called me.” he says irritated, not able to look away from Dele’s chest. The reindeer is staring at Eric like he’s some fucking carrot that just wants to be eaten. It’s unsettling and Eric wants Dele to take it off.

“Yeah I did.” Dele says, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I actually wanted to do something with you but then you insulted my sweater. I’m not sure I’m still in the mood.”

“In the mood for what?”

“For baking.” Dele says and Eric thinks he must have misheard.

“For baking.” He repeats and Dele nods. “You’re a disaster in the kitchen.” Eric says because he’s seen the pancake video on Dele’s  instagram. Eric has seen a lot of things he tries to forget. The memories of his cooking adventures are  burned  into his brain just as much as the poor fish was burned into Dele’s pan. Unfortunately he can’t throw away his brain.

“That’s why I invited you. To help me.”

It makes sense, Eric guesses. He isn’t a great cook by any means but he knows how to turn on the oven.

“What did you even want to bake?” He asks, because he’s curious now.

“Christmas cookies.” It’s not the answer Eric wanted to hear but should have expected. He was greeted in a christmas sweater after all.

“Who are you and what happened to the real Dele. Who replaced him with Santa Claus.”

“I didn’t know you had such an aversion against christmas.” Dele says, fingers rubbing on his chin thoughtfully.

“I’m not having an aversion against christmas.” Eric says furrowing his eyebrows. He doesn’t hate christmas. It’s just not his favorite time of the year.

“You insulted my sweater, you made fun of me wanting to bake christmas cookies. I really feel the love here.”

Love.

Maybe that was the problem. Christmas was about love and family. Eric loves spending time with his family, he likes the trees and the lights.

He just doesn’t like everything surrounding the holidays. The pressure, the attention around it, the focussing on love. Not when everything seemed so fabricated. He wasn’t a fan of it.

He sighs resigned before looking at his friend.  

“Fine let’s make some cookies.” He tries to smile bright, teeth showing. It doesn’t seem to come of convincing because Dele just rolls his eyes as an answer.

“Great.” He says, lightly touching Eric’s arm, while walking past him into the direction of the kitchen. Eric hates how such a little touch makes his heart beat just a tiny bit faster.

“Are you coming or what?” Dele yells from somewhere far and Eric breaks out of his thoughts. He sighs before following Dele into the kitchen. 

Let the baking begin.

*****

“No.”

“Yes.” Dele says holding the antlers in front of him. Eric tries to lean away as far as possible as if Dele is holding poison. “Come on get into the spirit”

“Is it Gucci too?” Eric asks, because he can’t help himself. 

“Of course.” Dele says straight faced forcing the Alice band onto Eric’s head. He’s not gentle while doing it and Eric tries to fight him off but he forgot how strong Dele could be when he really wants something.

It feels weird on his head and he’s sure he’s looking even more ridiculous. He’s glad there’s no mirror in Dele’s kitchen, so he doesn’t have to see himself wearing antlers.

Dele starts giggling and Eric is not amused.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He says because he really doesn’t know what spirit possessed him.

“You look pretty.” Dele presses out in between laughter and Eric swears to himself to get him back for it.  

“Fuck you.” He says but there’s no real heat behind it. Dele winks at him and Eric feels something melt inside his chest.

“Don’t be such a grumpy reindeer.” Dele says patting his cheek. “Scowling doesn’t suit you.” 

Eric scowls some more.

“You enjoy this too much.”

“You’re my best friend, Eric. Making you miserable is my job.”

Best Friends. 

He likes hearing those words, casual and yet meaningful. The words make him feel a bit dissapointed too, but he tries to ignore that.

“What cookies are we making?” He asks changing the topic.

“The ones you can decorate.” Dele says eyes bright. Eric sighs.

****

“Ugh, they’re more complicated than I thought.” Dele complains hands buried deep in the dough.

The smell of sugar and butter is heavy in the air and Eric is reminded of a time where he and his siblings used to bake cookies in early december. They don’t do this anymore and Eric wasn’t aware about how much he actually missed it. He doesn’t admit it out loud but he’s actually enjoying himself. Just a tiny bit.

“Here it says you just have to mix the flour with the eggs, the sugar and the butter. Then mix it it until it’s a smooth dough.” Eric says reading from the recipe.

“That’s what I did.”

“The flour is still unopened.” Eric says, taking the package, opening it and tossing it towards Dele. Dele doesn’t react fast enough and the flour hits him in the back, covering him and the floor in white powder.

“Did you just throw flour at me?” Dele asks head turning and eyes wide in surprise. Eric tries to suppress the laughter climbing up his throat but he lets out a snicker anyway. Before Eric can realise what is happening, something cold and slimy hits him in the cheek.

Dele grins at him, teeth bared.

“Okay. Now it’s on.”

It’s war and Eric won’t lose. He doesn’t wait long before grabbing some of the eggs not used for the dough and throwing them hard. He misses Dele only by a few centimeters, the eggs cracking against the cupboard behind him.

“Ha, you missed!” Dele yells triumphant before tossing some of the flour on Eric’s face. It’s dusty and dry and tasteless, clocking up his mouth like glue. He can’t let Dele get away with it. He takes the unoccupied bowl of dough from the kitchen counter, ready for  revenge.

He grabs some of the dough, before cupping Dele’s face in his hands. He smears the buttery mass on his cheeks, on his forehead and on his nose. Dele tries to wiggle out from his grip but Eric doesn’t let him. He doesn’t stop until it’s everywhere. When he’s finished he wipes his hands on Dele’s sweater, smiling satisfied.

“Eww Eric.” Dele complains. Eric would find it endearing if he wasn’t currently covered in slimy cookie dough.

“You ruined my christmas sweater.” Dele whines and Eric hums.

“Good.” 

“We should take a shower though.” He adds because he’s still covered in flour and it’s beginning to start feeling uncomfortable to breathe.

“In the middle of the day? Scandalous.” 

They both laugh.

****

When they are clean again, Dele collects a few blankets before dumping them off on the couch. They both huddle in front of the tv trying to get warm. It’s been getting colder in London. There’s no snow yet but Eric knows it’s just a question of time.

“Well that was a total mess.” Eric says while he tries to get comfortable on the floor, back leaning against the couch.

“Hmm I don’t know what do you mean.” Dele says next to him sounding innocent. “It was a total success. I covered you in flour and made you wear a christmas sweater. I don’t know about you, but that was the perfect christmas present already.”

Eric grimaces before staring down at the sweater he’s wearing. It’s the same Dele was wearing earlier but in deep red. He should have know that Dele was trying to get him to wear one of these ugly things and there wasn’t really a choice either. He still doesn’t believe that the sweater was the only clean item Dele had in his closet. It’s comfy though, so Eric ignores that Dele probably had planned all of this.

“December has only barely started.” He says instead and Dele shrugs. 

“At least I haven’t bought a tree yet.” Dele jokes and Eric shakes his head at him fondly. 

“You really do love christmas.” It’s not a question but a fact, something Eric didn’t know before. They have been friends for so long and somehow Eric never noticed.

“Why?” He asks because now that he knows, he wants to really know.

Dele doesn’t say anything and it’s okay. Eric doesn’t want to pressure him into anything that he isn’t ready for. He wants to reach out and touch Dele, just to make sure he didn’t upset him with his question.

“Christmas always meant hope for me.” Dele says and this time Eric does reach out. It’s just a light touch at his elbow but Dele relaxes immediately. He doesn’t look at Eric, eyes fixated on the tv.

“People are nicer when it’s christmas. It was christmas when it all got better.”  There’s  a truth to it only Dele can understand and something bitter lying underneath but Eric thinks he might know what Dele is getting at. He found his real family on Christmas and that’s what Christmas was all about anyway.

Love.

“Is there anything you wish for?”

Dele stays silent for a moment. “Yeah.” he says before looking at the ceiling again.

Eric stares at him in expectation but Dele doesn’t continue. When he notices Eric staring he just shakes his head.

“I’m not telling you.” He says and Eric feels the disappointment surging through him.

“Why not.” Eric pouts and Dele smiles secretively. “It won’t come true If I tell you.” He says thumping at Eric’s sweater.

“I’m pretty sure that’s only true when you see a shooting star.” Eric says annoyed. He wants to know.

“Nah, it’s an unwritten law. You don’t say wishes out loud.”

“How do I know what to get you then.”

“You don’t have to get me anything.”

“Maybe I want to.”

“I’m still not telling you.”

“I know what I want.” Eric says suddenly because it’s been in his heart for a long time. He realises it’s not a wish, but something more.

Love.

He knows what he wants and it’s not a wish so he can say it out loud. It’s simple but it’s also not. He doesn’t know how Dele’s going to react.

“Yeah?” Dele says and his brown eyes bore into Eric that he’s not able to breathe for a moment.

Now or Never.

“All I want for christmas..,” Eric pauses  before leaning closer to Dele, so that his lips are near his ear. “is youuu.” He sings the last words softly and in his best Mariah Carey impersonation. It’s only a breath, but he hopes Dele understands it anyway.

Dele opens his mouth before shoving Eric against his shoulder. Hard. It hurts only slightly, but it doesn’t keep his heart from hammering faster when his head hits the soft cushions behind him.

He closes his eyes, waiting. One, two, three.

When he opens his eyes Dele is above him, with a soft smile on his face.

“I knew there was some christmas inside you,” he says and then his lips are on his and Eric stops thinking.

Maybe there was something real about Christmas after all.

[cuddleswithphan]

The Glue Fic - Phanfic

Exactly what it sounds like. | smut | disclaimer: this is all in good fun and just a crazy idea i came up with. please don’t take this seriously.

Dan couldn’t help but be curious.

He had heard Phil recording this video in his bedroom, but hadn’t actually seen him make the glitter-filled and sticky mess that was his new ball of slime. Wonder how much Phil is gonna fuck this up. He thought, but with a sense of fondness even in his mind.

He began watching the video, with his laptop propped up by his legs in his normal sitting position. The video began just like any other AmazingPhil video, but something at around a minute and fourteen seconds caught his attention. He felt as though Phil was speaking directly to him, despite it being something that millions of people could see.

“I always had a dream of when I became an adult just buying some of this and just covering my body in it and slowly peeling it off. Is that weird? I might do that later...after I film this video”.

Holy shit.

Dan paused and rewound the video just to be sure that he heard that right. Surely enough, he did.

Because of the longevity of their relationship, Dan and Phil had dabbled a bit into the kinky side of sex. Not to say that having normal sex with Phil wasn’t amazing, because dear god it was. Sometimes Dan finds himself staring off into space, recounting the noises he made the previous night before snapping back into reality with the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. If they were going to stay together forever - and that was their intention by all means - it was good for them to change things up sometimes.

This is what prompted Dan’s idea.

It didn’t take long for him to put his shoes on and go to a local store that sells craft supplies. He bought seven containers of school glue, earning a suspicious look from the cashier. Once he got home, he was relieved to discover that his boyfriend was sitting on the couch, headphones plugged in and completely zoned out on a Youtube video.

He dug around in the drawers beside Phil’s Youtube set, also known as his “bedroom”. Once he found the remaining glitter, he had his plan all set up for him. Now to bait his lover.

“I liked your new video, love.” Dan began, plopping himself on the sofa beside the other man. Phil took an earbud out. “Huh? Oh. Thanks, Bear.” He decided to set his laptop down for a moment to allow Dan to lay across his lap. The younger man’s head was now resting on the armrest of their old, puffy sofa. Phil was playing with the former’s curls.

“What you thinking about?” He questioned.

Dan smirked playfully.

“I figured we could try something different tonight. That is, if you’re up for it.”

Phil chuckled. “You know I always am.”

“I get to take control tonight.”

“Deal.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “I’m surprised you agreed so quickly.”

Phil shrugged. “You seem to have a plan, so I’ll just go with the plan. I’m intrigued.”

“Good. You should be.”

The pair of them decided on a quick dinner of pasta, all while making flirtatious remarks at each other the entire time they cooked and ate their food.

For some reason, Phil felt nervous. He didn’t know what Dan had planned, and he certainly wasn’t used to being the submissive. His boyfriend, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He could hardly contain his grin as he led Phil to the bathroom.

“Shower sex?” Phil asked.

“Nope. Even better. Do I have your consent?”

Phil glanced over at the shower before turning to Dan. “You do indeed.”

“Let’s not waste any more time, then.”

They kissed softly, Dan placing his hand on the back of Phil’s head. The anticipation of this new kind of sex was enough to get them going much faster. Before either of them realized, Dan had Phil pressed up against the shower wall, peppering the other man with neck kisses. Their kisses turned hungrier, and the younger man began unbuttoning the older man’s shirt. Phil met him halfway down the fabric with his own fingers and yanked the material off of his shoulders.

Dan let one of his hands fall in the direction of Phil’s crotch, squeezing the jean material over it gently. His boyfriend let out a quiet whine. “Juftst… take them owff…” Phil struggled to speak against Dan’s mouth. Hesitantly, Dan did as Phil told him. So much for the dominant part of this.

Phil was already half hard underneath his boxers. “Here, let me give you some help.” Dan whispered. He began to peel away at the material on his boyfriend’s waist, painstakingly so that Phil rolled his eyes in annoyance. “This isn’t fair.” He commented. “You’re still fully clothed.” “Not for long.” Dan whispered, finally removing the final article of clothing from his lover’s body. His eyes fell upon Phil’s recently exposed member. “Delicious.” He whispered. Phil chuckled. “You did not just call my dick ‘delicious.” “I did indeed.”

“You know, being someone about to suck my dick, you don’t look very dominant to me.” Dan laughed. “Just you wait, love.” Without another word, he placed his lips around his boyfriend’s cock, swirling his tongue around its circumference and closing his eyes. Phil let out a deep moan, curling his fingers and trying to find some leverage on the shower wall, to no avail of course. Dan continued to suck and Phil continued to moan, all the while not able to comprehend how this was going to get better somehow. “Dan, if you don’t stop right now…I’m gonna...do something far too early.” Phil breathed, all the while being interrupted by his own short gasps.

Suddenly, he no longer felt Dan’s presence around his member. He opened his eyes to discover that Dan was standing up. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

Dan left the room, leaving Phil sexually frustrated, cold, and slightly angry. His voice cracked when he tried to call his lover’s name. No response. If this was some kind of sick joke, he was not laughing.

He was startled when he finally saw the younger man enter the bathroom once again. Dan was wearing nothing but his boxers, and he was holding a large plastic container of some sort, a paintbrush and a vial of red glitter. Inside was nothing other than the glue he bought earlier, emptied out into the container in a large pool.

Phil finally understood.

“Oh my God.”

“Do I still have your consent for this, love?”

Phil nodded without hesitation. “Yes.”

Dan kissed him softly, their lips just barely brushing together. Dipping the paintbrush in the glue, he began to paint his boyfriend’s arm gently. Phil felt the hair on his other arm stand up as he watched the other man paint him like he was a masterpiece. Dan looked beautiful in this moment; he had his adorable face of concentration mixed with a soft smile. Once his arm was painted, Dan grabbed the small vial of glitter and sprinkled a few pieces into the glue.

He continued to do this same process until both of Phil’s arms, thighs, shoulders, and collar bones were painted. All the while, the subject watched in amazement as the other man carefully worked around his body hair. This was not to be a painful experience.

Dan placed the bucket of glue on the floor, returning his attention to his lover’s right arm. The glue had dried by that point, and he was relieved. He carefully pulled a small section of the glue strip off of Phil’s skin with his fingers, proceeding to take the corner between his teeth and pull it away slowly. The older man sighed. “You looked so good doing that.” He murmured.

Next was the right shoulder, and again came the slow and gentle motion. It was almost an addicting sensation for both of them. Phil didn’t want Dan to stop, but Dan had no plan in stopping. Once the strip of glue was revealed, Dan let it drop to the shower floor and began kissing the other man’s neck, interchanging the kisses with short licks. Phil felt the blood begin to rush to his lower reaches once more as he let out gasps and sighs. He noticed that Dan’s member was poking out through his boxers. Apparently he was enjoying this just as much.

“Fuck, Dan.” Phil grunted. A muffled moan was his only response.

Phil’s mind was spinning as he tried to figure out how he could pleasure Dan in the way Dan was pleasuring him. He slowly placed a hand over the younger man’s boxers, squeezing firmly. “Ah, shit.” Dan moaned. “I’ll just take them off, then. Almost forgot these were on.” Phil laughed fondly at his boyfriend’s lack of self awareness.

Once the silky material was on the floor, Phil began rotating and pumping Dan’s cock, eliciting sharp cries from the latter. In between those cries, Dan was continuing to peel the strips of glue off of Phil’s body with his teeth. They both had to hold on to each other’s backs to prevent from arching their own in pleasure.

Phil stopped to allow Dan to attend to his thighs. The glue had caught on to a few hairs on his legs, so precision was necessary for this. The peeling sensation on his thighs felt better than anywhere else on his body, and Phil knew he was close. He reached behind him to turn on the shower, allowing the hot spray to cascade over their own heat.

Now that the glue was all off of him, he decided he had had enough with being the submissive one. He pressed Dan against the wall with a force he didn’t know he had. Their lips collided passionately as they attacked each other’s mouths. They soon began to get each other off again, not bothering to prepare each other for traditional sex. They both knew this wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Close.” Dan muttered in between kisses.

“Same here.” Phil replied amongst another gasp. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Hearing the way Phil told him that made Dan realize that this was the best idea he had ever had.

“Phil, I’m gonna…”

His lover let out a loud grunt in response.

Their climaxes came at the same time, their release rushing down the drain with the glue and the water. They both took a moment to regain composure. Phil continued to hold Dan against the wall, pressing their foreheads together as their breathing slowed. “Holy fuck.” Phil whispered, resulting in both of them giggling underneath the spray. They let the water clean them up as they caught their breath, eventually turning off the water and drying themselves off with towels.

Stumbling into their bedroom, they both pulled on clean pairs of boxers before Dan pulled the sheets down on their mattress. Climbing into bed together, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan as they lay there in silence for a while.

“That was…the single best idea you have ever had, Daniel James.”

“Thank you very much, Phil. I’m quite proud of myself now.”

“You should be. Holy shit. That was like, the hottest sex we’ve had in a long time.”

“A good bonus is the fact that we didn’t wreck the moon bed.” Dan joked.

“Yes.” Phil chuckled. “That’s always important. However, I’m pretty sure the bathroom is the biggest mess it will ever be.”

“Meh. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure we can handle it tomorrow morning. Now all I want to do is sleep.”

His boyfriend replied with a yawn. “Same.”

Just as Phil was about to close his eyes, he noticed something over by the dresser. “Bear, is that more glue over there on the dresser?”

“Mhm. I bought like, seven bottles. I didn’t know how much I’d need.”

“You kinky little shit.”

“Don’t blame me, Philly.”

“Ey, what does that mean?”

“Nothing.” Dan teased, turning to face his boyfriend. “I love you.”

Phil pressed a soft and lingering kiss to Dan’s lips. “I love you, too.”

It was quiet in the room for a while until Phil spoke one final time.

“Maybe we could use the excess to make more slime videos.”

[hellyeahrpmemes]

※ JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. V ※

here’s sentences from 10 more of jenna’s videos! feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! I • II • III • IV

OPPOSITE CONTOUR TUTORIAL

“What’re you gonna do…?”

“It’s fun for me…!”

“This does exist on the Internet, and it looks amazing.”

“I’m a professional.”

“I can see up your shorts.”

“I’m just gonna get started here.”

“I’m getting mindfucked already.”

“My cheeks don’t look broken, my nose looks broken.”

“You’re already looking mad fucked.”

“Well, finally, the outside matches the inside. Broken, beaten down, sad, tired, mad fucked.”

“Don’t judge me, okay?”

“I look like Voldemort.”

“Please ignore all of his Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie jokes from a decade ago.”

“I look like an amphibian that belongs in a river.”

“Oh, no, Jenna…”

“I thought you’d be a little more open-minded.”

“Don’t look at me directly, no, don’t…!”

“It’s looking like day 3 or 4 after a bad sunburn.”

“You calling me dirty?”

“Who you calling dirty, daddy?”

“I look like my father.”

“I think it looks good.”

“We went off-roading for dick, and we found it.”

“I thought this was gonna be a little more dramatic than it is.”

HOW MANY BALLOONS WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE MY DOG FLY

“I mean, I’m curious, aren’t you?”

“I love my dogs more than I love people.”

“I wanna see how many balloons it will take to lift Marbles off the ground.”

“You gon’ fly, boy.”

“Let’s start with 10 and see if we can fit them in the car.”

“We have a lot of balloons already, I don’t know how many more we need.”

“His feelings are very hurt by that.”

“It takes 72 balloons to get this off the ground.”

“Welcome to our new living room, it consists only of happy birthday balloons.”

“Are you ready to take flight?”

“The people at Party City hate us.”

“He doesn’t even care.”

“He doesn’t know where he is no matter what.”

“We really thought this was only gonna take 15 balloons.”

“It took us six car fulls of balloons.”

“Is he asleep in space?”

“He does not give a fuck.”

“I did not think he was gonna be this chill.”

“He’s asleep. He’s fucking asleep.”

“Alright, well, this is our dog, now.”

“There’s not much else to do.”

“This is too many balloons.”

“I was happy, bitch.”

“I’m too old for this shit.”

“You’ve been dealing with me for 8 years, you’re a very patient guy, you know that?”

“I hope that this brightens your day a little, because it brightened mine.”

“What a fucking mistake this was.”

“I’ll never let go. Just kidding, I’m letting go.”

“Well, this was stupid.”

GOOGLE DEEP DIVE WITH ME

“So I’m having one of those days where I can’t make a good thought if I tried to think it.”

“This is all I do, which is why I’m so fucked up.”

“You just start googling things and watching videos and clicking on things until you just don’t know where you are anymore.”

“See, that’s what the fuck I’m talking about.”

“This is like my pet peeve in life.”

“Oh, this fucks me up.”

“God, I’m so fucking turned on right now.”

“Okay, that’s actually highkey dope.”

“Here it is, my favorite picture of Kylie Jenner.”

“This is so fucked up.”

“The Internet is fucking brutal.”

“Happy Australia Day, y’all are nasty.”

“If breastmilk is vegan, why hasn’t someone opened a booby cheese café?”

“Whole Foods ain’t that weird.”

“What’s the word for this? No.”

“Stop putting your boobs in my mouth.”

“Where is he going!?”

“This is like, highkey beautiful.”

“That is lazy as shit.”

“Why don’t you smoke a blunt while you’re at it?”

“It’s only $649, to be the laziest fuck you’ll ever meet.”

“She got all the way to the park to do that…?”

“This is the single dumbest thing that costs 600 dollars.”

“Exercise is free, don’t you ever forget it!”

“She’s dead inside.”

“Hello, 911, there’s a lady walking around, she’s terrifying…!”

“Wait, what the fuck is a zorilla!?”

“It’s like a gorilla, but it’s a fucking skunk.”

“Is this everything you hoped for?”

“I’ve never been happier.”

“Look at how many Air Buds there are!”

“So how many dogs are Air Bud?”

“Damn, I forgot how good Air Bud was.”

“That is the same person…!”

“I’m actually crying.”

“There’s literally no way that’s all Julia Roberts.”

“My head hurts. I have a headache now.”

DOING MY MOM’S MAKEUP

“Have you ever gotten your makeup done before?”

“I’m beginning to wonder why I said yes.”

“Step one of getting ready is just don’t have bangs.”

“That brush is sharp.”

“He actually wanted to die.”

“What, are you tired already?”

“I don’t have any blush, so I’ll just rub this dirty brush on your face.”

“You look like J-Lo reborn.”

“Have you ever been so illuminated in your life?”

“You look like a new woman already.”

“I just got insulted in my own salon.”

“If you didn’t want shit on your face, you shouldn’t have agreed to this.”

“You’re looking like a million bucks already.”

“Do you trust me? You shouldn’t.”

“Isn’t this the worst?”

“Drink away your fear of looking beautiful.”

“It sounds nothing like The Police!”

“I know you can’t see, and you think I’m massacring your face right now, but you look cute as fuck.”

“Farther away is better.”

“If you’re scared of eyeliner, drag makeup isn’t for you.”

“We’re off to Walgreens.”

I SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES 4

“Julien is here, mostly to laugh at me.”

“Who would’ve thought that you actually had to do something?”

“I did it. It only took me three minutes but I did it.”

“I’ve never laughed at a pun out of anything other than a courtesy.”

“Stop making everything about aliens.”

“Here I come to fuck yo bitch.”

“You know it’s my dream to make a Twitter account talking nothing but trash to NASA 24/7.”

“There is no 5-second rule. If you drop something, you just fucking eat it at your own free will.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I think you can eat food off of the ground.”

“Goodbye everybody. Goodbye everybody. Goodbye everybody!”

“I like to fuck all day, forever.”

“Guys, I don’t have a job, I just fuck for a living.”

“Look at these sick moves.”

“Damn, is my family annoying.”

“I would be the most talented male stripper the world has ever seen.”

“Why can’t I shoot my gun underwater?”

QUADRUPLE DOG SWEATER

“He thinks that Cher, Shakira, and Celine Dion all have the same voice.”

“He thinks that Anne Hathaway, Julia Roberts, and Sandra Bullock are the same person.”

“It’s trash and garbage and why would I ever see it?”

“It’s a trash movie and he thinks it’s a cinematic masterpiece.”

“I looked for it on the Internet, and it doesn’t exist.”

“Watch out, kids, because when you turn 30, all you’re gonna wanna do is craft.”

“I wanna do it all the way out, and not in a practical way.”

“I want it to exist.”

“They are so tolerant of my fucking bullshit.”

“This is gonna be a disaster.”

“This is so much harder than I had anticipated.”

“This is a fucking mess, a fuckshow of an idea.”

“Goddamnit, this doesn’t work at all!”

“That’s a different email than you gave earlier, and a song.”

“I did it, I’m so proud of myself!”

“Oh my god, you are so mean.”

“If this doesn’t get me in the Guinness Book of World Records, nothing will.”

“Don’t do this, this is a bad idea, but I’m glad I did.”

SEE YOU IN 2017

“I hope you guys are having a great holiday.”

“I want to say thank you so much.”

“We had a really, really wonderful time.”

“Me in all of my beautiful, everyday glory.”

“We got a leak in the ceiling, very dangerous, very fun.”

“I organized my spice cabinet.”

“I went to the grocery store and held hands with my boyfriend, it was great.”

“This dumpster fire of a year is almost over.”

EXTRAS 2016

“I’m gonna pee my pants.”

“Never say that again.”

“I just want everyone to know this video has been the highlight of my life.”

“I can’t feel my eyes.”

“It burns.”

“Nothing like being fully clothed in your bathtub.”

“She looks like she just did a bunch of steroids.”

“I can see your hands in my periphery.”

“It’s like, never not funny.”

BODY MASSAGE

“I want a body massage.”

“Who wants a body massage?”

“Everybody likes a body massage.”

“It doesn’t have to be a sexual massage.”

“I mean, you guys were asking for it.”

“I make shit like this every week.”

CHRISTMAS GLITTER BEARD DIY

“I don’t ever wanna have a goatee.”

“Why are we doing the goatee?”

“We’re having fun, it’s Christmas.”

“If you’re gonna have that kinda attitude here, then get out.”

“Wow, I hate it.”

“I can’t do your makeup when you’re staring into the abyss.”

“You’re putting that on my face?”

“Oh, god, there’s glue on my face.”

“I’m divorcing you.”

“We’re not married…!”

“Maybe we should cross that shitty, stupid bridge when it comes.”

“Where I am on the moisture spectrum is my business and my business alone.”

“Don’t choke me, don’t choke me.”

“Choke me, choke me…!”

“For real though, is this gonna come off?”

“It looks like, all of a sudden, you just started feeling yourself.”

“Who describes their own penis as chunky?”

“Let us write your Grindr profile.”

“No, please no.”

“I look like I just got beat up.”

“You actually just made me Halloween Santa.”

“You look fucking terrifying.”

“This is not what I wanted at all.”

“I made a terrible mistake.”

“You look so festive…!”

“Don’t, you’re gonna make a mess…!”

“Do you know who I am?”

“I look like I just finished killing someone.”

“Meet me outside and kill me please.”

[nellieblybitches]

glittery shoes

so i only do crafts when they’re meaningless, which means if i don’t like my shoes i go buy a fuck-ton of craft glitter. here is a helpful how-to if you’re not as insane as me. 

step one- buy some shoes that used to belong to an old man

step 2- go to michaels and buy black glitter that costs you your lunch money for a week. don’t forget to make fun of the craft pumpkins there and stick a foam head in your hoodie like they do in those “send this to ur crush with no context” vids

numero tres- make a plan for how the fuck this is going to work

4- give up on planning and bust out a paintbrush and mod podge

5- tell your cousin (btw your cousin is here) about the endless nostalgia connected to the smell of mod podge 

6- paint lines of mod podge where you want the glitter to go. use painters tape if you’re that much of a Disaster.

7- open the glitter. immediately wash your hands because you forgot how much you hate glitter. why the fuck are you doing this. you should be doing homework. stop procrastinating; its a sunday night. they let you into ap english and this is how u spend--

8- wash your hands like six more times

9- take off the laces which you forgot to do b4 you opened the glitter

10- hold a mod podgey shoe over a paper bag from when your aunt forced you to go shopping with her. dump glitter on the shoe. shake the shoe.

11- congratulate yourself. you got glitter to stick to a shoe.

XII- worry about the glitter coming off the shoe. paint mod podge over the glitter to prevent loose glitter, thus ruining your paintbrush with glitter. fuck glitter honestly.

xiii- take a wipe (makeup wipes count i guess) and wipe where the glitter stuck to the shoe from static instead of glue. curse the glitter craft gods when that doesn’t work. resort to waxing your shoe with painters tape. 

fourteen probably- let the shoes ferment out of sight while you do your homework. finally. invite ur cousin and her gf in and put mod podge on your arms to peel off while you talk about how gay you are. 

i’m really not sure what we’re at now- try and fail to get the glitter out of your rug. try vacuuming, tweezers, witchcraft, a dog, etc. go to the bathroom and panic because you scratched your face around step 10 and now you’re wearing a mask made out of glitter. cry. that works to get the glitter off. 

we’re close to the end here- write i’m sorry cards to your family because now there will be glitter everywhere. write one to your janitor at school because they might shiv you for tracking glitter everywhere. be careful when you wipe in the bathroom because there is a high likelihood of getting glitter everywhere. 

write a note to the glitter craft gods telling them that you have paid for your sin of cursing them out.

put the laces back in. or don’t. who cares honestly