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sparklingpax · 4 years ago

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Y E S id LOVE to see how you draw The Boi!!

I think you’re referring to when I posted about asking if anyone wanted me to put out a tutorial about anything so....ok! :D

Your wish is my command~

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Uhh so for y’all other artists or people who might also see this, disclaimer again that I’m not a professional so pls pls pls dont come at me if you see mistakes...which there are mistakes...like I’m 99.9% sure some of this isn’t really “symmetrical” or its warped weirdly because I Suck at perspective and I’m still learning! :’)

The point of this tutorial thing is just to show my general process of how I draw Optimus (a headshot of him, just his head and neck, to be specific; his body is another, longer story o//o’’) and others’ execution of it can definitely vary. I mostly just showed the steps in which I completed the different parts of his helm.

Which I’d also like to add that I’m an Idiot and forgot to record my screen so instead I took photos of the different compeleted steps after drawing the whole thing O//////o’’ but anyway......I do still hope this maybe sorta helps....^^’’

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1.) Sketching; I like to draw a human head actually (same goes for body; I’ll start with a human form as the sketch and then do a second sketch of the armor over it before I start lining; and those dont include other sketches I do over those to clean them up....^^’’)

2.) Cleaner, More Specific sketch; This is the last sketch before lineart where I place things and color the lines so I get an idea of what the final product might look like...if I end up doing it right! I try to place everything that should be in the final, so before this are other sketches....but this is the last one. Ok. Moving on--

3.) Crest; this can move around a lot while lining the rest of the helm as you may find you’ve centered it incorrectly...or at least...that’s what happens to me...but nonetheless, I begin with the crest~

And a note about how I make it: I use the line tool to make the shape, duplicate the shape, make that one smaller, fill it in completely, then take the eraser and turn the canvas so I can erase in the lines. When you finish, it’ll look like a grill of sorts (is that the term??? O///O’’) and it saves the trouble of extra lineart,,,idk call me lazy but it looks good in the end,,,, ^^’’

4.) Top of his helm; When I draw this the first time, I close up the bottoms so I can clean them up later when I draw the other parts of his head, but as I said above, by this point I’d already finished the drawing so that’s why it looks like that, but basically, that blue part of his helmet goes next! :D I also try to do extra lines as I go along so I don’t forget later...^^’’

5.) Add in the audio receptors + Side face-plate things!! Preferably, start with the receptors, then do the side thingies. And for the grill on those, take your line tool and draw in a rectangle that follows the shape at the top but is straight on the bottom and fill it in. Then, erase the same amount of times on each side to create the same look~ Obviously, be neater than me...since this example here is kinda lopsided....but I suppose you probably get the idea.. :’3

6.) Draw in the blue plating on his face, then the chin on a separate layer below, and on yet another layer, add the tiny blue things at the bottom. Clean up the chin lines that cross into the blue plating spaces, and that should give you this step! If that,,,makes any sense? If my rambles make it confusing, just look at the final result here and compelete the three components on three separate layers so it’s easier for you. Also, when you’re done with that, combine the side blue plating and the chin bits so you have less layers to go through in the end...if you wanna...

7.) As for the antennae things, use the line tool for sure, and erase or change the brush size up so you can play with line-weight...and again call me lazy but you can combine them when you’re done cleaning them up (again, I reccommend putting each one of these on a separate layer first so you can clean them up individually and then combine to one) and duplicate the layer for the other side. For front view, literally just flip it so it’s symmetrical, for 3-quarter, you might need to use your “transform” (hahah lol) tool to fix it a bit. Or just draw the new side in, either way, that completes step 7.

8.) Neck!! Now this wasn’t a more “serious drawing” or anything, so I kinda made a neck shape and drew in random cables and lines so it looks complicated but it’s actually not....tbh when you do draw him, you can kind of do that because ultimately, the shades of black used to color his neck area are dark enough to conceal what exactly was drawn in there so it’s not the most important thing in the world...since you’ll see there’s lining in there but it’s too hard to make out what exactly....basically, from afar, having all this “complication” will give the look that he has a complex neck area, with all these cables and wires and it looks alien! And that’s exactly what you should go for without needing to make it too hard for yourself. I remember someone told me once that in a lot of art, especially art displayed on social media or that kind of thing, you wanna focus on details but not too much; always do a double-take to see what it looks like as a thumbnail so you won’t end up stressing over every tiny miniscule detail. Idk but it seems like good advice~

9.) Eyes/mouth; For the eyes the only thing I wanna say is that I make a shape and fill it in. I know he has other little details surrounding his optics, but for the sake of showing you how I do this in my lil style, I like to simplify it by just making the shape and filling it in, then duplicating the layer and “gaussian blurr-ing” it so it has a softer look. The mouth is...the mouth. Do with it what you shall~

10.) Optics! The blue part! The most fun part in my opinion! I actually have a more “complicated” (not really lol) version of his eyes which I use if I’m going to color the piece or do something more “serious,” so this here’s the simplified version. Like I said with his eyes, I like to keep it simple when it comes to his eyes, since idk it just...looks good to me ^^’’ I take the pen tool and draw in two circles, ovals, whatever the shape is supposed to be. I do not use the circle tool because it feels a little.....stiff..? Idk ^^’’ But anyway, then I duplicate the layer, gaussian blur, and combine both. Another thing I like to do is change the first layer (the one that didn’t get the blur) from “normal” to “Add (Glow)” ((as it’s written in Clip Studio settings, that is)) and mess with that a little, THEN combine these layers. The last part is adding your shine bits; just take your white pen and go wild, and if you wanna, do the whole “duplicate, blur, combine” thing with the shine bits as well; it adds to the look~

And ofc, take away the sketch layer (but don’t delete it, just in case you need it! ^w^)

I have another process for coloring....but I didn’t include it since it’s fairly simple ^^’’

Unless you wanna see that too....but for now.....I hope you could get something out of this tutorial here! Sorry it was so long!!

I also just realized I forgot his eyebrows, but you can add those in along with the eyes/mouth step if you don’t forget like I did...idk, for this particular look it seems not to take so much away from the drawing but....I should have remembered ahh--

Anyway! Thanks so much for asking!! And thanks to all of y’all for reading/looking through all this!! <3

See ya around~

-Kuni :D

#asks #kuni answers #requests #art #things #nice things #:)#tutorials #optimus prime #how I draw #:3 #apologies for typos or other things like that #its late #my head really really hurts #but dw I'm smiling :)#thanks~

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fate221 · 6 years ago

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Hey! Do you have any advice for people new to digital art!! I started recently but I'm having a really hard time especially with lineart and colors ;-;

Well digital art is such a huge and scary beast and it’s more than normal that you have difficulties with it. Tbh I still struggle with it a lot because I’m always afraid that i could do it better or that I should have been to choose absolutely another style for myself. Now my main struggle is a choice between more simple coloring with more sharp shadows and some kind of volume and more realistic lighting. I doubt very much now about all of this and wonder if my arts would be better and audience loved them more if I’d draw with sharp lineart and simple coloring.

Idk if I’m the only one who thinks that lol. I think that’s mostly because you have a really large amount of possibilities in digital art. Thousands of brushes, effects, instruments - all of this use to scare and make you confused. You don’t know where to start from or what you want from your style and how it should look like. And it’s normal, especially if you only started getting used to it. And you should be ready for that it’s gonna take a while before you finally feel comfortable with your style and digital art at all. However it all depends from the person.

So I would like to write some basic tips based on my own experience and thoughts and maybe it could help someone.

Find yourself a nice software you’d feel comfortable with. I wanted to make another post about my software but it’s for another time. I would recommend SAI or Sketchbook Pro for those who start. I still love them more than Krita and photoshop tbh because of simple interface and configurations.

Find tutorials for anatomy, expressions, all that stuff. Learn color theory, because that shit is really important in good illustration. Same goes to the laws of composition, lighting etc. Youtube has a lot of this things, also you can search on Pinterest.

Probably the most important tip: Don’t try to start from some difficult kind of drawing. And go to some kind of realism. Instead try to make a lot of pics with simple lineart and coloring, it will help you to get used to the pen and brushes and feel more confident. Many artists who only start try immediately to draw some very cool difficult idea with cool lighting and volume and details (trust me I was lterally that person) but I think it’s better to make just a lot of simple colored pics probably even with lineart + solid colors + blush for example instead of one big and “detailed’. I failed with that so much.

Make studies. Make a lot of studies. Of everything - poses, faces, environment. Just try to copy screencaps from shows or cool pics on Pinterest with trying to analyze how lighting and stuff works or which instruments are better for you. Plus studies often help to understand how color theory and composition work especially when you make them from someone’s already made pieces such as photos and movies. that’s just like in real life when you sketch smth or smb from real life, or make gestures drawings. It’s easier in digital because you can train yourself in coloring too without a need of thousands of coloring art stuff.

Make a lot of observation. Open an acc of your favourite artist. What features of their style do you like the most? Maybe they have a certain way of drawing eyes or noses, or maybe they usually add to line bright colors or make those good looking outlines with lighten color? Try to note these features and use in your drawings so you’d feel more satisfied with final result. Go watch their speedpaints so it would be easier to understand how stuff works. Don’t try to copy, just note some things you love the most about them.

Use references. It really can help with understanding what atmosphere you want from your piece, lighting, environment => it would be easier to imagine it in your head and I think that it’s already a half-finished work if you have a really clear imagine of the final piece in your head with poses, lighting and stuff. I always spend a while for imagining what I want from drawing, often while being on my way to university in a subway, listening to some themed music. Also I used references for my latest Halloween and autumn pieces. It’s not that you copy stuff - more like try to analyze how to make your drawing more realistic and detailed.

Use different modes of the layers. That’s honestly the best what the God of Digital Art could gift us. My leaders are definitely Glowing and Overlay. Also I would recommend to use rather Multiply mode for shadows than trying to draw them with just same color but darker. You can draw shadows with just purple or brown and than just use Multiply so the they would look more natural. The same goes to everything else - from backgrounds to lighting. These modes can become your true saviour in tough times.

Flip your canvas horizontally all the time to see the mistakes in anatomy, faces and stuff.

Don’t use too much texture brushes. Seriously they are good but sometimes you only need the most simple ones to create a decent piece.

And of course the very-very main advice. Without it everything I told above loses its sense completely. PRACTICE! Just practice-practice-practice, draw thousands of pics, sketches, try different styles, experiment. It’s the best way to get used to digital art and understand what is comfortable for you and what is not. Experience is really important in this field. Don’t expect that it would turn out immediately perfect and remember that with every piece you become better and more confident. Every finished drawing makes you closer to success and satisfaction from what you do. The most important thing is to not give up. Look for inspiration in songs, people, everything around you, try to make drawings of it, sketches, whatever. Just make a lot of that. Really a lot. Of course with analyze and permanent observation. That’s the only valid way to success.

These are very rough and maybe I forgot some important parts but tbh I wish someone told me these while I just started to draw digitally. Honestly a really good observation and practice make perfect and I understood it pretty good for these months.

#tips

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chenlays · 7 years ago

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artist!renjun

I hope this is what you wanted :”) ilysm💖 ⭐️ requests are open !! ⭐️ masterlist

can you make a cute artist!au w renjun bc that is probably the cutest and softest au ever :’)

art class is!! really fun

u basically got to do ur own thing on an assigned project and chat n have as much fun as you wanted

and 👀👀

there’s renjun

he’s a rly cute and soft boy who absolutely loves that class

and watching him draw or paint or just mess around was pure joy !!he would space out a lot with the end of his pencil in his mouth,, just thinking about what to do next

and sometimes he would just smile sO bright because of how funny a line or feature looked

a lot of the time he was more quiet and to himself, just sketching away and humming and occasionally looking up

but u never really paid attention to what he was looking at 👀👀

one day when u were going to get ur snuffs

he was smiling really wide to the point where u could see his lil snaggle tooth 🤧🤧 (REST IN PEACE)

he was drawing in a very awkward position so he could cover the paper with his arm

and u were rly wanting to see it,, ofC

so u peeked over his shoulder and saw a really really pretty sketch :”)

but there was hearts and stars and flowers all over the background

nicely blended also

he didn’t realize you were there until you complimented him

then he waS SCREAMING

“OH hello,,, uHm may I help yOU??”

“yEa, wHAT were u drawing 👀👀”

when u ask him he gets all blushy and cute and closes it really fast

avoiding eye contact as much as possible too,, and lots of shaking

he says smth really dumb too

“MY C—ACTUS”

renjun w t f

he had a crush on u and u couldn’t see it smh u eggo

bUt then u just left him alone because he obviously wasn’t comfortable with sharing

and then the day after in art

he found the courage to sit beside you and watch you paint the scenery instead of letting you watch him

and when u weren’t looking, he just smiled so softly and did a cute laugh if u messed up

and then said encouraging words to make you feel better about the wrong stroke or bad blend or failed technique

“messing up just makes your art ten times more beautiful!!!”

after a week of just helping you and keeping you company, he stopped you after class on a Friday probs and gave you a SOFT and nervous smile and it conCERNED u a lot

and he was stuttering quite a bit probably :(

but he ended up asking you about his art

hMmm “could you come by my house sometime so I could get help with a drawing????”

oFC u said yes,, if u said no I would’ve hunted u down ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

and he wrote his number on ur hand rly fast with his special tracing pen

and zoomed out of the room bc he was so nervous

iT WAS cute though !!! soft shy baby boy

after school tho

he probs texted you right away n made it nice!! And sent lots of hearts n smiley faces

“du trist edderkopp 👺”

he was so cute and awkward n,, u just lov him

even though it was making u anxious n whatnot (pROBABLY I mean,, renjun is so cute how could he not make you nervous

you went over to his house for whatever he needed

I feel like his house would feel reALLY welcoming

nice flowers at the front n a fresh lawn and a lil porch decoration

and then he answers the door in pajamas bc he fORGOT and he was just screeching into his sketchbook or smth and stressing about this very moment

you’re trying not to laugh bc CUTENESS and he’s so embarrassed

it’s awful,, poor bby :(

he’s rUNNING while saying you can come inside and just leaving a trail of tears

but in like 5 minutes he’s back with a presentable outfit and those glasses that make him look so precious :”)

and he still has messy hair which makes him 29389292x cuter so u don’t say anything

but he just sets his sketchbook at a table and pulls out a chair for u 🤧🤧

“hEY do u want anything???”

“UHm 👀👀 can I have water ??”

his smile omg

probably smiles n runs to his kitchen,, ready to make u the best glass of water you’ve ever had

his sketchbook was one of those rly aesthetic ones !!!

the front was a little old and torn at the corners and it had lots of dirty on the edges and papers shoved in between pages

it looked so tempting to open :”)) but u had to rESPECT

he comes running in with some water and a tiny plate of cookies or whatever u prefer

“you mentioned it while you were sketching your background!!”

while ur drinking ur water,,,

“uhh renjun??? why did I come over??”

“oH, I needed help with drawing someone!! you both have similar features and I needed an example!!”

as he was drawing and looking back n forth from u and the paper, you couldn’t help but notice how happy n determined he looked

he started making small talk with you after like five minutes so you wouldn’t be bored and you both learned a lot

and soon, he was done with the sketch and had asked for you to come back another time

it happened to be the following saturday

and throughout the whole week in art, both of you talked the whole time about so much

he was a good friend of yours at that point, and he was so much more interesting

he paid attention to all of your quirks and habits and literally fell in love with them all

if you liked to chew on ur nails or smth

he would laugh a lil and grab your hands and give u a warm smile

or if you liked to ramble a lot and stopped in between to say “sORRY I’ll stop :>”

he would frown n ask you to keep talking so he could work better

he paid attention to it all and remembered every little thing you said

you like flowers?? he’s already painting 20940 different kinds !!

AN YW AYS

when u went over again,, u went in his tiny art room

it was cozy and bright in there with lots of supplies on shelves and art hung up all over

and it was aLL his art !!

he probably had a painting of moomintroll and snorkmaiden tBH and when u asked what it was he snatched

“UH that’s just an old kid thing I liked sry wrong number ://“

“renjun wtf ur literally speaking to me”

but u both just sit and he gets his work done while u rant abt world issues and opinions and he also does too while aggressively cOLORING

and when he does finish

he shows you!!!

it’s yOu though :o

ur screeching bc “omg I thought u wERE USING ME AS AN EXAMPLE THIS IS AMAZIG ILYSM YOU EGG”

ur just showering him in compliments and love and tears and he is so flustered and happy that you like it

but it gets overwhelming so he drops everything and hugs you sOO tight

and then he steps away from you and covers his face,, and u can see marker stains and pencil lines on his hands and he looks sO cute n like he’s conquered his life goal istg

messy hair n messy artist renjun is my aesthetic

wOw he’s so cute,, trying not to look u in the eye and still form words so he can tell u how he feels 🏌️🏌️

“snjdksk I drew you because you’re beautiful and I’ve been trying to draw you since our very first art class but I never could :’)”

and he gives u 2993 moomin stickers he made himself

after that he holds ur hand all the time in class when he can

and draws hearts all over ur stuff YES

and always gets paint on ur clothes so pls

beware

also hums while drawing in class since it calms both of u i’m tearing u p

aNd u need to date thx

the art teacher is assigning a partner project next term for that sole purpose

“date or u get an F”

thank u ilysm

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lenin-it-to-win-it · 7 years ago

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The Sound of Grief

Summary: Toshinori has been extremely busy lately, but there seems to be something more worrying than schoolwork on his mind. Fortunately, his boyfriends Aizawa and Hizashi are determined to give him all the love and support he deserves and try to help him relax in any way they can!

Notes: More high school au allrasermic because I love this ship and for this topic to make sense Toshi would have to be in high school (hint hint there is a canon character death mentioned in this fic) this was really fun to write and I hope u guys enjoy it! also the title is darker than most of the fic is tbh (mostly only the second half is where it gets sad) but i couldnt think of anything else to call it lol

*****************************************************************************************************

Aizawa slid in the open seat next to Hizashi at the cafeteria table and stole a sip from his juice box. “So, I talked to Toshi about seeing that movie with us on Saturday.” Hizashi’s eyes lit up. “And?”

Aizawa sighed. “No luck. He’s busy again, of course. Just like the last two weeks.”

Hizashi slumped in his seat for a moment before straightening up. “Well, maybe next time,” he said with his usual optimism. “What did he say? Did he sound disappointed?”

Aizawa shrugged. “Uh, yeah, I think so. Before I left, he made this sort of, I don’t know, sad sighing noise. He sounded sorry, I guess.”

“Which one was it?” Hizashi asked.

Aizawa furrowed his brow. “Which one?”

“Which noise! There are three classes of Sad Toshi Noises, you know,” Hizashi explained, rifling around in his binder. “I drew a diagram. It should be in here somewhe- oh, found it!” He pulled out a crumpled sheet of notebook paper with a diagram drawn on it in pink glitter pen. The diagram consisted of three bubbles, each with a small sketch of Toshinori’s face and some scribbled notes Aizawa could barely decipher.

“The first Sad Toshi Noise is the one I like to call ‘the kicked kitten’.” Hizashi pointed at the first bubble, which featured a drawing of Toshinori with cat ears and a speech bubble that, unless Aizawa was gravely mistaken, read ‘hewwo’. “Now, this one isn’t the most common, but it’s one of the most distinguished,” Hizashi continued. “Like the name implies, Toshi-senpai sounds like, y’know, a kicked kitten. Usually this sound means he’s feeling guilty so you’re most likely to hear it if he forgot something.”

Aizawa rolled his eyes. “Mr. Perfect, forgetting anything? Not fucking likely. That bitch has like five different planners- he probably has a planner just for scheduling when he’s gonna write stuff in his other planners!”

“Well, maybe he left one of his planners in his locker or something,” Hizashi laughed. “Like I said, that one’s not super common. Toshi-senpai tends to be really on top of things, but, you know, accidents happen, and when they do he always sounds really hurt and sad by it.” Hizashi’s eyes shone like he was about to cry. “Poor Toshi-senpai! I just want to give him a hug and tell him it’ll all be okay!”

Aizawa gently punched Hizashi’s shoulder to calm him down. “Toshi’s fine, you big dork. It wasn’t the kitten noise.” Hizashi sniffled. “It wasn’t?” Aizawa shook his head. “Nah, it was more. . .” He threw his hands in the air, frustrated. “I don’t know how to describe it, but if he sounded like a kitten, I would’ve noticed.”

“If it wasn’t the kicked kitten noise, then maybe it was-” Hizashi pointed at the second bubble on his diagram. “-the ‘strained and prolonged uhh’ sound! This one’s the most common.” In the second bubble, Toshinori was giving a forced smile, indicated by the arrow pointing to his face labelled ‘forced smile’. His eyes were also in two very different places on his face, with one practically on his nose and the other on his forehead, but Aizawa didn’t think that was part of the diagram.

Hizashi kept talking. “So, this is the one we hear the most because it’s the most versatile. In his natural habitat, one can hear the wild Toshi-senpai’s signature uhh sound when he’s feeling conflicted about something, like, say, if he wants to take us both on a date because we’re his boyfriends and he loves us very much, but he can’t because he has homework.”

“And class president duties, and he’s leading a study group, and there’s a practice club meeting, and he’s volunteering at the kitten orphanage while simultaneously donating both his kidneys to charity or whatever the fuck goody-two-shoes bullshit he’s up to now,” Aizawa grumbled.

Hizashi swooned. “He’s such a sweetheart! I’d give Toshi-senpai both of my kidneys! Uh, but anyway!” he added, catching sight of Aizawa’s stormy expression. “Anyway, the point is, that’s how Toshi-senpai sounds when he’s conflicted. It’s hard for him to choose between us, his boyfriends who he loves more than anything else in the whole entire world, and all his various school activities and hero training things.” Hizashi’s expression dimmed for a moment. “He’s really busy, you know. He can’t always make time for us. . .”

“It wasn’t that, either,” Aizawa interjected, more to cheer Hizashi up than anything else. “He didn’t really sound conflicted. It was more like. . . he couldn’t seem to catch his breath?”

“Ah, I think I know what you’re talking about!” Hizashi lit up, excited. “Last but not least, we have ‘the exhausted sigh’! Not as common as the uhh, but not as rare as the kicked kitten.” Aizawa nudged Hizashi’s hand to the side so he could see the drawing of Toshinori. There were sweat drops drawn on his forehead, and the speech bubble over his head read simply, ‘AAAAAA’. “As you can see from my great artistic depiction, when you hear the exhausted sigh, it means Toshi-senpai is really tired.” Hizashi looked up from the diagram to meet Aizawa’s eyes. “When you talked with Toshi-senpai, you said he sounded breathless?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he seem distracted?”

Aizawa thought back to the conversation. “When I found him, he was listening to ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ on loop while reciting math equations under his breath and running wind sprints, so I’d say so, yeah.”

“Then, yup! I’d say that’s a textbook example of an exhausted sigh!” Hizashi replied, proud to have solved the mystery. However, his excitement quickly wore off. “Jeez, poor Toshi-senpai. He really doesn’t know how to take it easy, huh?”

Aizawa felt his stomach squirm. Toshinori had never been calm or laid-back, but recently, there had been something manic in the way he threw himself with reckless abandon into everything he did. He was still smiling, but Aizawa could sense the strain behind it, a certain brittleness, like if Toshinori wound himself any tighter, he would snap in half and break. For the past few weeks, he had always sounded rushed and out of breath regardless of what he had been doing beforehand, as if he was trying to shove as many words out of his mouth as quickly as possible before. . . before what? Aizawa clenched his hands into fists. Toshinori seemed anxious, but what was he so damn scared of? What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just say something was going on with him instead of pasting a smile on his face and running himself into the ground?

Aizawa froze.

What if I’m the problem?

Toshinori was so busy training, did he really have time to be in a relationship? Did he even want to be anymore? Maybe that’s why he sounded so nervous- he wasn’t sure how to end the relationship. For someone as (obnoxiously, insufferably) loving and affectionate as Toshinori, it couldn’t be fun being in a relationship where he was constantly unable to spend time with his boyfriends. He probably felt guilty- guilty for staying in a relationship he didn’t have time for, and guilty for wanting to end it and risk hurting someone’s feelings. . .

“Enough of this,” Aizawa thought to himself, irritated. “Speculating won’t do anything but cause trouble.” Aizawa roused himself from his thoughts and turned to Hizashi. “We’ve gotta have a talk with Toshi.”

***

“Break up?” The only other time Aizawa had seen Toshinori look so confused was when he was doing math homework. “Why would I want to break up with you?”

Hizashi seemed like he was about to cry. “Well, you’re just. . . so busy. . .”

Aizawa took Hizashi’s hand and squeezed it. “It doesn’t seem like you have time for a relationship right now,” he explained, not meeting Toshinori’s eyes. Aizawa opened his mouth to say more, but before he could speak, Toshinori was squeezing him and Hizashi half to death in a tight hug.

“No, no, no, I love you both a lot, and I’m so sorry I made you feel that way,” Toshinori said in a rush. Aizawa could feel Toshinori’s heartbeat going a mile per minute inside his chest. “I’ve been. . . there’s been a lot going on, and I’ve had a hard time. . . I. . .” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I haven’t been making time for you guys recently. I’ve been distracted, I guess, but that’s no excuse, and I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Hizashi threw his arms around Toshinori and hopped on his tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. “It’s okay, Toshi-senpai, don’t worry! Just spend a little more time with us, okay? We love you!”

Toshinori laughed, relieved, and gave Hizashi a kiss. “Thanks, babe. I love you, too.” Hizashi melted into Toshinori’s arms and started nuzzling his chest. Toshinori turned to Aizawa with a shy, questioning smile. “I can cancel some plans this Saturday so we can all go out together, if you want.”

Aizawa sighed and laid his head against Toshinori’s chest. “Fine.”

“Great! Saturday it is, then!” Toshinori gave Aizawa and Hizashi one last squeeze, then pulled away and started pacing, listing off potential date plans so quickly Aizawa could barely separate one word from the next.

Toshinori’s restless pacing and breathless talking speed made Aizawa feel uneasy. If he wasn’t dealing with relationship anxiety, what was Toshinori so worried about?

“Whatever the problem is, it won’t get better if he keeps pushing himself like this,” Aizawa thought. “He needs to relax.”

“Actually, Toshi,” Aizawa interjected, disrupting Toshinori’s still-continuing stream of date ideas. “Why don’t Hizashi and I plan this date?”

Hizashi jumped on board immediately. “Yeah, let me and Shouta take care of it!” He gave Toshinori a hug. “You always end up planning the dates, why not let us have a chance?”

Toshinori laughed, surprised. “If you guys want to, yeah!” As he looked down at Hizashi and Aizawa, a strange, glittering intensity filled his eyes, but when he spoke, his voice was soft. “I’m sure whatever you two come up with will be amazing.”

***

“For the last fucking time, Hizashi,” Aizawa grumbled as he threw a blanket over the couch. “No, go-karting is not a relaxing activity.”

Hizashi pouted and fluffed a pillow. “I think it’s calming.”

“You think Swedish death metal is like a soothing lullaby. You have a lot of wrong opinions.”

“Everyone relaxes differently,” Hizashi argued.

“Yeah, but do you really think Toshi would be able to relax within five hundred feet of any kind of competition?” Aizawa replied, raising an eyebrow.

Hizashi laughed. “Okay, true. I take it Monopoly is off the table, too, then?” “Monopoly is always off the table since the last time I played with you fuckers, Toshi One For All’ed a hole in the table and broke his wrist and you screamed so loud the TV cracked. Four times. That’s also why we have to have this date here at your place- my parents would probably murder us all if I brought you two to the house again.”

“Well, whatever you think will be best for Toshi-senpai,” said Hizashi brightly, smoothing the wrinkles out of the blanket Aizawa had set on the couch. “He does need to relax- that I can agree with, even if I do think some Swedish death metal would help.”

“No Swedish death metal, Hizashi.” The doorbell rang, and Hizashi forgot about Swedish death metal instantly. “He’s here!” he shrieked, rushing to the door. “Toshi-senpai!”

Toshinori stood on the other side of the doorway, dressed in a suit and carrying a bouquet of roses.“I, um, wasn’t sure what the plans were, so I thought it would be best to come prepared,” he said with an embarrassed little smile.

Aizawa rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep himself from grinning. “Toshi, you fuckin’ dork.”

“You look gorgeous, Toshi-senpai!” Hizashi gushed, throwing his arms around Toshinori and almost crushing the roses. “And you brought flowers! So romantic!”

Toshinori laughed. “Aw, thanks.” He tugged at one of his sleeves and sighed. “I should probably get a new suit, though- I’ve only had this one for a few months, but I’m already starting to outgrow it.”

Aizawa, who was nearly a foot shorter than Toshinori, groaned. “You and your tall people problems. There’s no need to brag about it.”

“Don’t be jealous, sweetheart,” said Toshinori, leaning down to give Aizawa a kiss. “I think it’s cute how small you are!”

Toshinori was being completely sincere, and somehow that made everything worse.

“So, what do we have planned for the date?” Toshinori asked, his voice sounding cheerful but strained. He tugged at one of the longer parts of his hair, then pulled his hand away. The gesture made Aizawa notice that Toshinori’s right hand was clumsily wadded up in bandages. “Are we going to see that movie you were talking about earlier this week? Or do some go-karting, maybe?” Hizashi shot Aizawa a look, but Aizawa kept his eyes on Toshinori. “Actually, we’re going to stay here. We have something special planned.”

“Oh, okay then. Nice and low-key.” Toshinori looked down at his suit and laughed again. “I guess I’m overdressed.”

Hizashi squeezed Toshinori’s hand. “Don’t worry about it! Don’t worry about anything, actually, because today’s date is all about rest and relaxation!” Hizashi bounced on his heels and beamed at Aizawa. “Right, Shouta?”

Aizawa nodded. “Right. You’ve seemed stressed out lately, so for our date, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure you calm the fuck down.”

Toshinori’s smile couldn’t conceal the anxiety creeping into his eyes. “Oh, wow, that’s really sweet! I just hope you haven’t been worried about me. I’m totally fine. I’ve just been busy with, you know, with school, and-” Toshinori swallowed and looked away. “-training.”

Aizawa narrowed his eyes but chose not to comment. Instead, he smiled and took Toshinori’s hand. “Come over here and sit down,” he said, leading him to the couch.

Hizashi kissed Toshinori’s forehead. “Yeah! Just rest, relax, and let us take care of you, okay?”

Toshinori looked back and forth at Hizashi and Aizawa with a soft, almost shy smile. “Okay.”

“I’ll make nice, soothing hot chocolate!” Hizashi exclaimed, running to the kitchen. “I bought jumbo marshmallows, too, so it can be extra special!”

Aizawa sat down next to Toshinori and started stroking his hair. “Is this too weird, or do you like it?” he asked,

Toshinori leaned against Aizawa and laid his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

They sat together in silence, listening to Hizashi’s excited screaming, audible even from the kitchen. With his free hand, Aizawa delicately touched Toshinori’s bandaged hand. “What happened?” he asked, keeping his voice low so Hizashi wouldn’t know they weren’t paying attention.

Toshinori sat up, lifting his head from Aizawa’s shoulder. “Well, you know how it is,” he said, smiling but not meeting Aizawa’s eyes. “One for All can be hard to control.” He flexed his wrist. “It should be fine in a few days or so.”

“I have seen you get injured using your quirk before,” said Aizawa, drawing out each word and staring into Toshinori’s eyes. “But I’ve never seen your bandages done this poorly. They’re all wadded up and uneven- it looks like you did it yourself, with one hand.”

“Well, I couldn’t bandage it with both hands,” Toshinori replied with a weak laugh.

“Do you usually wrap your bandages yourself?”

“I-” Toshinori’s face flushed red. “N-not usually,” he whispered, gripping his knees with his hands.

Aizawa kept his voice level despite his growing concern.“There was no one there to help with the bandages? So you were training alone?” If Toshinori was training with his quirk outside of school without his mentor nearby, he could be putting himself at risk for worse injuries than a broken hand.

“Stop talking about it!”

Aizawa blinked, stunned.

Toshinori seemed surprised by his own outburst, by the tears filling his eyes. Ashamed, he stared at the ground. “I-I don’t. . . I can’t talk about training right now. I can’t. Please don’t- I don’t want to-” Tears started rolling down his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cry. I tried so hard not to cry-”

Aizawa grabbed Toshinori and hauled him into a rough embrace. “Don’t apologize” he said, holding Toshinori as tightly as he could. “Just tell me what’s wrong. Don’t worry about crying.”

Toshinori lowered his head until his forehead was pressed to Aizawa’s. “You know how I’ve been so busy lately?” he murmured, wrapping his arms around Aizawa. “Yeah.” “I’ve had to stay busy because-” Toshinori bit his lip, then forced himself to keep talking. “If I don’t distract myself, I-I’ll fall apart. I can’t stay still or it’ll all catch up to me and I-” Toshinori whimpered, and Aizawa could feel his heart break.

Without quite knowing why, Aizawa thought back to Hizashi’s diagram and the three classes of Sad Toshi Noises. He had witnessed the fourth, the rarest, most painful of all: the sound of grief.

“Toshi,” he murmured, rubbing Toshinori’s back. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s also why I haven’t been spending time with you and Hizashi,” Toshinori continued with an unhinged laugh, brushing tears from his eyes. “Because I knew this would happen. I knew you’d realize something was wrong.” He gave Aizawa a shaking smile. “You love me too much not to.” Tears started flowing again. “But I can’t have that. Because you’d make me tell you what happened, and I knew it would make me cry and I didn’t want to cry!” Toshinori’s breathing came in sharp, heavy gasps. “I didn’t cry when I found out what happened, I didn’t cry when I was alone, and I didn’t cry at school when I had to smile and laugh and pretend everything was fine. . .”

“Well, you’re past pretending now, so tell me what happened!” Aizawa snapped. Then, taking in Toshinori’s shattered, tearful eyes, he sighed. “I’m sorry, Toshi, I didn’t mean to get sharp with you. I just. . .” Aizawa sighed again, running a hand through his hair. “I want to help you, and I can’t if I don’t know what’s going on.” He met Toshinori’s eyes. “You have to be honest with me, and with Hizashi, too. We care about you. We want to help.”

Hizashi came in from the kitchen with the hot chocolate, halting in his tracks when he realized Toshinori was crying. He set the mugs of hot chocolate down on a nearby chair and came rushing over to comfort Toshinori. “Hey, hey, don’t be upset about crying, okay? It’s okay to be sad.” He rubbed Toshinori’s back and put one hand on his shoulder. “Shouta and I, we love you no matter what. You’re so good and strong, and beautiful, and special, and just. . .” Hizashi started to tear up, and he kissed one of Toshinori’s tearstained cheeks. “We love you, okay? It’s like Shouta said, we want to help you.”

Toshinori took a deep, shuddering breath. “There’s nothing you can do,” he whispered. “Nana’s dead.”

“Nana? Your mentor?” Hizashi asked, not needing clarification but unable to think of anything else to say. “Oh, I- that’s terrible.”

Toshinori choked out a laugh before his face immediately crumbled and he started crying again. “Agreed.”

Aizawa took Toshinori’s uninjured hand and pressed it between both of his. “I-I know you care about her a lot,” he said unable to keep his voice from shaking. “And I know you miss her, but. . . would she really want you to live like this?” Aizawa lifted Toshinori’s bandaged hand. “Would she want you to hurt yourself like this? Or to push away friends and people who care about you while trying to hide from the pain?”

Toshinori lowered his head. “N-no.”

Hizashi started stroking Toshinori’s hair. “What do you think she’d want you to do?” he asked, managing to get even his loud, abrasive voice to sound soft for once.

“She- she would want me to stay strong, and to keep getting stronger,” said Toshinori slowly. He turned to look at Aizawa, pain in his eyes. “But how can I do that when everything hurts so much?”

“Well, you can’t run away from it, that’s for sure,” Aizawa replied, placing a firm hand on top of Toshinori’s head. “I’m not good with feelings either,” he admitted. “But you’re a hero, aren’t you? Heroes can’t run away from things that scare them.”

“Yeah, and- and you can’t feel ashamed of crying, or being sad, or hurting,” Hizashi added, smiling through tears of his own. “Sometimes, crying is part of being strong, and you can’t really get any better until after you do it.” He patted Toshinori’s head, then placed his hand on top of Aizawa’s. “So cry as much as you need to. It’s okay.”

Toshinori took a deep breath. “You’re right. . . both of you are right. . .” He managed a small, trembling smile, then dragged Aizawa and Hizashi into a hug. “I love you two so much. . . what would I do without you?” “Run yourself into the ground with exhaustion?” Aizawa suggested. “Slowly descend into madness?”

“Maybe.” Toshinori laughed, then yawned. “The exhaustion part sure isn’t far off, anyway. Even my bones are tired. I don’t think I’ve gotten a full night’s sleep in weeks.”

Aizawa wrapped his arms around Toshinori. “Then sleep, you big dumbass,” he said. “Take a nap.”

Hizashi gave Toshinori a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Yeah, get some rest. Shouta and I will keep you safe. And if you feel rested enough when you wake up, maybe we could-”

“Hizashi, you ignorant slut, if you bring up the go-karts again, I swear I’ll-”

“For your information, I was gonna suggest Monopoly!”

“Oh, hell no! The fuck did I tell you about Monopoly?! Do you ever listen to a word I say, you overgrown cockatoo?”

Comforted by the warmth of his boyfriends’ arms around him and the familiar sounds of their affectionate arguing, Toshinori fell asleep after only a few minutes, and he dreamed pleasant dreams.

#bnha #allrasermic #here come dat fic o shit waddup

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