#forgive me if this is something we've already established??? i feel like most of us are all

[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

can we talk about the ending for a second??? i feel like we're all still in shock.

disclaimer these thoughts came to me at 11:30 last night it's just that i didn't write them down. trying to remember.

i don't think they've created a killer army. why would they need to kill people?? like iirc they're primarily a pharmacorp. they might want to kill their competitors, but even that seems like an inefficient and frankly stupid way to deal with them, and now that they can literally bring people back from the dead they have a product no-one else does, so they don't really need to compete with anyone.

as far as i know they don't have beef with anyone either?? they're not trying to start a war i don't think. there's no need for them to have a killer army.

something about the way the first zombie shot her lover in the head feels like the way melee's dad was shot in the head. someone has been killed again just so they can be revived and made into a cog in the dokana machine. i don't think these zombies are primarily programmed to kill. i think they're programmed to work.

i think dokana is going to kill most of the present human workers they have and bring them back as mindless zombies to work alongside the people whose lives they were fighting for. double their workforce, double their profit, zero the chance of uprisings/unions/people trying to get out.

and anyone who they deem smart enough to be worth more as the human they were than as a mindless zombie is being kept for the "very special project". dokana need these "very special" brains to function properly, so they're taking their time to make sure that they can bring these people back exactly as they were. once they do, they're going to find a way to make them comply so they can use them to create products which will put them way ahead of their competitors, while a mindless zombie factory makes them steady profit down in vivopolis.

fuck capitalism fr

[the--highlanders]

thoughts on the star beast!! under a cut bc spoilers

first of all just. as someone who really did not vibe with the chibnall era at all. dear god it feels good to be excited about doctor who again

it was FUN. it was great bouncy silly charming fun and that is exactly what the show needed at this point I think. I can really imagine kids tomorrow running around pretending to be the meep

also the meep was great and I'm SO glad it was practical effects, it looked so good

setting aside the doctor-donna plotline, the callbacks to the rtd era were fairly low-key (resonating concrete!) and fitted in with the episode but they were fun if they meant something to you

on the other hand the glass divider between the doctor and donna and him raging at having to kill her really felt like a kind of. reverse of ten and wilf and the radiation chamber. which HURT. ten raging over having to save wilf vs not-ten raging over not being able to save donna.

rose was lovely!! I really hope we get some more substantial stuff with her, I think she'd be a great companion

seeing unit again was fun, and I really liked shirley actually!! I hope she's a recurring character, I thought she worked well with the doctor and her gadget-y wheelchair was fun

also kate sorting out a place for wilf to live 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I did think the solution to donna being able to keep her memories was pretty creative, and the acknowledgement of the doctor being outside the gender binary made me yell

that being said I really didn't like the line about a 'male-presenting time lord never thinking of [letting go of power]. I feel like that was rtd trying to be too hip-with-the-kids progressive, which like. obviously I want the show to be progressive!!! but it's the sort of thing I hate

like, first of all, we've just established that the doctor is more or less nonbinary - and the show has been very obviously referencing time lord society as genderless since like, twelve's era. time lords feel that they are /genetically/ superior - it's a species thing, not a gender thing. a 'male' /or/ 'female' time lord is going to have a tough time giving up power. and this felt especially incongruous when we've just had thirteen, a doctor who used her white privilege to hand the master over to the nazis. doesn't seem like she was very interested in giving up her power there.

imo one of the doctor's whole character tensions across the whole show is them trying to break away from time lord superiority, and again that's species-based, not gender based. and it was literally established in journey's end that the doctordonna could think of things the doctor couldn't because of her human part! there was already a solid logical grounding for donna and rose to give up their time lord powers /because they were still part human/

there were a few thematic things I would have liked the episode to dwell on a bit more, like the whole cute-appearing vs frightening-appearing thing with the meep and the wrarth warriors, and how appearances are sometimes deceiving; or the stuff with the doctor and gender; or even just rose's character as a whole

that being said, this was an episode with an awful lot to do, and also an episode which was there to be a fun romp. it HAD to be a romp. so from a sort of metatextual point of view I can understand and forgive

overall I really liked it!! it really recaptured the magic of doctor who for me after so long not feeling it and I think it's going to do a good job of its most important task, which is getting the show afloat again in terms of casual viewers.

also SO glad they've gone back to a confidential-style program, unleashed was so fun

[bacarasbabe]

Hello hello my love, may I please ask about 21, 73 and 76? x

Hello my beloved 💕 I'm so sorry for the late response. I've started answering you multiple times but irl things kept getting in the way and I took a small break from here! Really, I just wanted to give you a serious answer that I took my time with instead of something rushed and not very well thought out. I hope you can forgive me darling.

21 - Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

I don't have very many chaptered fics but as I've been growing and evolving in my writing style I think I've begun to gravitate towords chaptered fics. I find a lot of joy in developing plotlines and characters through multiple chapters. It's an interesting and fun challenge to face, but one-shots will always hold a special place in my heart.

73 - What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing?

Hmm, this was interesting to disect but I think I get complemented on my aestetics the most lol.

76 - How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

Fyi, I've written the response to this question like five different times now. I think I've settled on an okay respose, but I wanted to take the time to get this right. I know so many fic writers and creators deal with stress, and not all of us come out the other side as creators still. While I'm unsure if my insights will be helpful to you, I hope you can find something valuable in my perspective.

(Full answer under the cut bc it's long.)

We've previously discussed the unique frustrations that fic writers face, particularly on this website. The constant barrage of anonymous asks, only inquiring about more content or the release date of the next chapter, the likes without comments or reblogs, and the limited interactions can wear you down over time. I know that I've felt the weight of these pressures and so have so many countless others. There are numerous other aspects I could complain about, but I am actively working on letting go and trying to move past these things.

It can be difficult when, at one point, fic writing felt like an avenue to engage in commentary, discussions, and the social aspects of the community, rather than merely producing content for others to enjoy. The stress and perceived pressure to consistently create began to erode my love for writing, prompting me to step away. I needed to distance myself from everything, and surprisingly, it turned out to be a positive decision. During my break, I created a side blog using a completely different email address, allowing me to enjoy things without feeling the need to hold myself to any standards or obligations. I granted myself permission to consume instead of constantly create, and to enjoy without worry. Taking that break was a significant step for me, enabling me to establish boundaries, which was exactly what I needed. I realized I had been giving too much, rushing through writing instead of savoring the process.

Now, with a story that I hold dear to my heart, I find myself in a place where I can dedicate myself to it and genuinely enjoy the journey. I am completing the story for myself because I genuinely want to, without the burden of writing other fics or constantly trying to entertain followers. Even with this mindset, I must admit that I don't have a comprehensive answer for you. After being away for over a year, gaining a fresh perspective on things helped immensely. Additionally, the words of a cherished mutual we share had a profound impact on me. They expressed, in their own way, that my fics are already complete the moment I posted them. Regardless of any future chapters promised. It's perfectly acceptable if I never post an ending because the audience is not entitled to one.

Dealing with writing pressure, whether it stems from internal expectations or external demands, requires a conscious effort to set boundaries and prioritize personal enjoyment and fulfillment. Taking breaks, gaining perspective, and finding solace in the fact that your creations are already complete can all contribute to a healthier and more enjoyable writing experience. Remember, your writing journey should ultimately be driven by your own passion and desire, rather than solely catering to the expectations of others. I know that this is easier said than done. I know. But hopefully you can take a piece of this and apply it to your own stess.

[itsbeenliketenyearsitsprettywild]

The thing is...with the consequences established by T1 and how the guilty verdict works (the extra restraints and voices) and the unpredictability of the system it really is hard for me to guilty anyone. Even the people who want it or the people who I Want to vote guilty (I don't even know if i can guilty Kotoko this round...)

oh, actually, before I go into my other stuff, lemme correct you on one thing that I think you have wrong? voices aren't just for people who aren't forgiven. Forgiven people have mentioned them, too!

Like, in her second trial VD, Yuno in particular explicitly mentions them as part of the reason she's rankling against her first trial verdict so badly is because the voices are painting her as naive and pitiful in her choices, and she generally feels like they're imposing their morality onto her while not heeding her thoughts and agency on the matter. Even Haruka made a really vague comment on it in his 2nd trial VD, where he said that it was like there were thousands of people supporting him and telling him he was right.

Which, y'know. Lead to him coming to the conclusion that he was entirely in the right for murdering a (likely) child simply for the sake of getting his mother's attention.

As we've talked about before, it's not just voting Unforgiven that makes things worse. It's just that Unforgiven is obvious in all the ways it's bad; people get restrained, they have voices telling them they're a terrible person, and for all we know it might involve some literal torture! That's all right out there as being really fucking bad!

To be clear: you're right. We can't be sure about what the next level of guilty verdict will look like. We can't know that it won't be far worse than the first time around. The best we can do for any possible scenario is go off the information we have gathered to try to make the most informed decision possible, now that we have a past trial to look back on. In better understanding that, we can hopefully better understand what the biggest risks we're facing here are, insofar as we can quantify them.

Because, that's the thing; what actually did the worst damage to those Unforgiven the first time 'round wasn't the guilty verdict itself; it was Kotoko's response to it as someone Forgiven.

(That's not to say that the guilty vote in-and-of-itself made things better - the voices attacking Mahiru's values impacted her emotionally far more than Kotoko's murder attempt did. And Amane - holy shit did we fuck over The Amane Situation, in a way I don't think we can readily take back. But I'll likely get to that.)

It was an Innocent prisoner who took something that was already clumsy and fucked up, and made it decidedly worse for those involved. For all that Guilty voters are put into a more vulnerable state, from what we can tell, that state is relatively static - once they get to the rock bottom of what they have to deal with, they are essentially kept there at (that particular trial's definition of) rock bottom.

As such, by itself, it seems likely that being voted Unforgiven becomes a test of endurance for the prisoners - the torment comes not in things getting worse, but in them staying at the same level of terrible all the time. The thing with situations where someone has to suffer the same thing every day is that they potentially have the capacity to get used to it - to stabilize at some particular mental point where they've found in themselves the capacity to exist and cope with what they're going through. It's that place where resilience comes from - the ability to endure suffering and then move past it without it weighing you down.

(course, the tools that we're given to try to make this possible - forgiving/'Innocent' vs. not forgiving/'Guilty' - are SUPER crude at best, so I don't think we'll ever see someone come out of this a stronger person, and never without trauma, but at the very least there is an opportunity for something not entirely negative to be taken out of the situation, is all I'm saying.)

But, the problem is, MILGRAM's system of justice only stays static if the prisoners, especially the Forgiven ones, let it. In the first trial, it was Kotoko who threw the biggest wrench into the situation - taking the Guilty prisoners from a situation where they would constantly stay the same level of miserable, and adding another horrifying level of punishment to it. Admittedly, Mikoto added another level of difficulty to the situation, with at least one of his alters being able to shrug off that state so he essentially gets to be treated as Forgiven when he's not supposed to.

But this something we should stay aware of for all Forgiven prisoners, especially because the MILGRAM system as it is, is likely to make the Forgiven prisoners (who are open to it) think their behaviors are in the right. Those same behaviors that lead them to murder in the first place. Which we, depending on what we the audience have done, might have triggered them into a similar state.

....Aaand this is where I get into:

The Clusterfuck That Is the Amane-Kazui Connected Vote.

(With the understanding we're probably never gonna draw the same conclusions as each other, and we're coming at this from different angles, but that shouldn't stop us from having interesting conversations about the nuance of the subject!)

As I said in my previous response, if it was just Kazui by himself, I would vote him Unforgiven with no remorse - not because I think he's guilty, but because I think it's perhaps the only possible way left for him to open up and trust us with his full thoughts and experiences - it's not going to be pretty, but being stuck Forgiven with an isolated mental state. However, there is one thing that is stopping me from being entirely comfortable with that:

It's very important to me that Kazui ends up innocent if Amane does.

At this point, you can probably start to draw conclusions yourself about my mindset; Amane made a threat against Shidou, if she gets Forgiven, she might try something, it's best we have someone nearby who we know will likely interfere if something goes down.

To which, it would be entirely fair for you to be like, "Seriously? Not only are you acting like an abused child should be treated as a threat, you honestly think a twelve year-old girl could have any chance murdering a grown-ass-man??"

I would respond, rest a-fucking-ssured, this isn't a case of what I think should happen. What should happen is that everyone gets to leave the prison and gets a complimentary big bowl of soup alongside consistent therapy. Sadly, MILGRAM is a system which only gives us crude, ugly options in terms of what we can choose to do, and gives us precisely zero room for nuance.

As for the "am I honestly scared of how a confrontation between a tiny child and a fully grown adult could go, with my concern being the adult dying" question: Haha, yes. :') Yes, I am! and I really fucking hate that's the case, but here we are!

But. If you're up to it, see if you can follow my logic as to why (not with the mindset of changing your thought process, but to get where I'm coming from):

Remember how I briefly mentioned how we really fucked up by not forgiving Amane in the first trial?

We. uh. REALLY fucked up by not forgiving Amane in the first trial. In a way I don't think we can readily take back or de-escalate just by Forgiving her.

Which is to say: from all we can tell from her second music video, I think the first trial verdict unintentionally recreated a similar kind of traumatizing environment to the one that lead to her murdering in the first place.

Bearing the brunt of punishment that far exceeds any justification: Check! Put in place by people who don't seem remorseful over it: Check! But who themselves break the creed of Amane's religion: Check! And seem to think they'll get away with it: Check!

So we might have just re-triggered Amane in nearly the exact same way as before. And yes, she's 12, but she's previously murdered (what's likely) at least one fully grown adult. This likely occurred soon after Amane was probably waterboarded, and thus should have hypothetically been physically weaker from fatigue. As such, any strength she found likely came from inner fervor - which we've seen her have plenty of this trial.

But it's not those similarities that have me the most concerned about how far Amane is currently willing to take a murder, actually.

The thing that raised my alarms, once I read through her translated VD, and thought about her music video, was her use of the word 'we' to talk about herself. As you talked about yourself in one of your posts, the line between mindscape and real world seem to blur for Amane throughout all of Purge March, meaning it's likely a sign of her seriously dissociating as she goes through these acts.

And one of the things that was made clear about Amane's mindscape: There's multiple Amanes in it, making her a 'we' instead of an 'I'. She might currently be dissociating to the same level she did last time she killed a fully grown adult in cold blood.

Now, a perfectly fair rebuttal to this would be, "Okay, but Amane is still just a twelve-year-old girl. She could have readily took her abuser by surprise with her attack, so as long as a person is properly warned about it ahead of time, there's far less likely to be a notable struggle. Shidou already knows Amane is keeping an eye on him. Besides, the doctor now has a reason to live again in taking care of the injured - he'd be likely to defend himself if it came down to it."

Which, maybe? Yes, he's found a new role to slot into where he thinks he's necessary. But that hasn't stopped his guilt and suicidal ideation; it's just that he currently doesn't feel like he's allowed to die. Depending on the circumstance he finds himself in, how stressed and overwhelmed he is at the moment, I could absolutely see his suicidal guilt outweighing his rationality to the point where he doesn't fight back should Amane try to kill him.

After all, ever since his first VD, Shidou thought it'd only be fair for a child to be the one to consign him to death.

That is to say: if Amane gets Forgiven, I would feel obligated to vote Kazui Forgiven as well, even though I think he's one of the only characters who might psychologically benefit from a guilty verdict. Because we'll want at least one relatively rational individual around when Shidou and Amane come face to face, considering a Forgiven Amane will feel validated in whatever action she takes.

But, simultaneously, voting her Unforgiven is only going to subject her to the same trauma a third time, and I'm pretty sure at that point I would never be able to try to take a moral standpoint ever again out of sheer overflowing hypocrisy.

So just... all things considered... The Amane-Kazui interconnected vote is a total clusterfuck, and I hate it. *collapses*

(I'm glad you're having a lot of fun with your Wrong Girl advocacy, btw! It's chill that you're only really feel up to voting when it comes to Amane and Kazui, which I can get! But yeah, for all Muu was a total asshole according to her second MV, I do think it's worthy to be noted that, even now with the conviction she 'didn't do anything wrong', her mindscape portrayed her as something monstrous and inhuman - as compared to, say, Rei, who Muu still portrayed as human for the short moment the other girl showed up in her mindscape. She might be hiding from it, but there's still some self-recrimination there, is all I'm saying. The guilty vote she got feels like it's going to hamper the progress we made with her, which is a major bummer.)

I- god- I need to talk about how Milgram as a system makes you assign who the "worst" is out of the cast. Which one doesn't seem guilty for the actions? Which one didn't have a good enough reason? Which one is most dangerous? Which one is the scariest? Which one is the most Deserving of punishment? Which one Deserves Support the Least?

When Milgram asks who deserves to be forgiven and who shouldn't be this is what they mean. This is why Jackalope insists that you can vote for any reason. This system is Built to find the "Worst One" and Punish Them.

ES SAYS THIS IN AMANE'S T1 VOICE DRAMA:

Es: Don’t make me laugh. I’m not your teacher at school; it isn’t my goal to teach you things or guide you on the right path. Milgram’s goal isn’t to turn you back into decent human beings and get you back into normal society. What is needed here is firm, honest judgment and decisions.

Es: Milgram's goal is not to help people, but to judge them "firmly" and "honestly."

It is NOT a coincidence that they are saying this in Amane's T1 VD. Y'know, the same character whose cult punishes them unjustly and unfairly under arbitrary and often unreachable standards.

And look- I get that they committed murder. That is indeed a crime, that is indeed a horrible thing to do.

However, there is an Underlying Theme here that is being explored! If this work was just about what was murder and who actually committed murder this series would be over by Trial 1 and characters like Mikoto, Amane, Haruka, would be guilty and also Dead.

Milgram is actively making us engage with this System of Punishment and find out that No, it actually isn't that easy to prevent the evil from hurting the weak. That people get hurt in this pursuit of justice. That this black and white system of punishment Does Not Actually Help Anyone!

And this is such a cool and interesting part of Milgram that I wish people we're more willing to engage with! I wish we, as an audience, we're more willing to accept that Our Judgement Hurts People. That this is a part of the experience of engaging with the musical murderer series that asks the audience if their willing to forgive or not.

(And I also wish the risk of people attacking me for this is a lot lower but ah well.)

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[smilingperformer]

Discussing the good and bad of Pokémon Journeys: Part “Goh”

Oh boi... this part is gonna be a doozy. Because I have a lot to talk about Goh, or as I tend to call him, Gou.

TLDR; I like Gou as a character but I very, very much have issues with the way he's currently written in the show. And that frustrates me deeply as I'd love to feel more positively about him. More under the cut, with Journeys abverted as JN.

Where do I even begin... Maybe by how I first became a fan of Gou's character, by after some time started to go back to neutral ground.

Like, ever since the very first episode, we've got a very clear picture of what kind of character Gou is: a bookworm, loves Pokémon, loves to show his knowledge and isn't exactly good at making friends. His only friend before Satoshi (and before learning about Tokio/Horace's reasonings for not showing up to their meeting place) was Chloe/Koharu, and we still don't know how the two met. Thou my guess is that their childhood friendship bonded over their parents meeting during some job or by Koharu feeling the need to be Gou's friend. Who knows, it's something I want to learn about. But that's besides the point, cough.

But like, from the very first episode on, it became clear that this show wants to focus on Gou, and telling his journey on becoming a Pokémon Trainer who wants to catch all of the Pokémon in the World, in order to get closer to catching Mew, the mythical Pokémon who's said to contain DNA of all existing Pokémon. He had a very strong introduction arc, with showing his dynamic with Koharu, having him meet Satoshi on top of Lugia, first getting to know Satoshi (and Rockets) and then catching his first partner Pokémon in Hibunny. However, as time went on and episodes started piling up, I started feeling like something about him was... off.

I feel like the first time I had an issue with the writing involving him was in JN006, where he went on his first catching spree. Where he kept catching Pokémon with ease. Small struggle at the start when trying to work together his dynamic with Hibunny, but the rest of the ep felt way too easy. Then again, Gou IS flat out Pokémon GO promotion. No one can deny that. His purpose is to promote GO's capture mechanic. It is the most successful Pokémon Mobile game of all time.

Anyway, the easy captures piled up on and on til JN010 when he finally had to use dozens of pokeballs to catch one. single. Dewgong. I loved this so much. It made me feel more at ease with his goal mechanic and I felt like I'd be fine with him from there on out. And I was. Til I started having new issues with him. All thanks to Satoshi's new goal in PWC finally having been established.

As time went on, it became clearer and clearer, that Gou was more focused on when it came to his goal progression, development in character level, and in what kind of quality his episodes would be.

Everyone knows how much I love JN032. Everyone does. It's one of my absolute fav episodes in the series. However, it also kinda is what first prompted me starting my worry that hasn't gone away since then: That Gou feels more like the protagonist than Satoshi does in this series, and not really an equal dual protag he was advertised to be.

Before the pitchforks are getting aimed at me, hear me out. I know, that based on some statistics, the focus is equal, with sliiiightly more inclinded towards Gou. However, that's where the issue is: Gou has, so far for me, had way better focus and way better episodes in this series, than Satoshi has, while also getting progress on his goal on other character's focus episodes. When Satoshi's episodes have been about PWC and training his Pokémon, Gou's had the kind of episodes that are more character exploring, developing him, evolving him in some way. And it, frustrates me. Because despite my better judgement, it gives me this feeling that Gou is stealing Satoshi's thunder, even when some type of statistics would suggest otherwise. It gives me this feeling that Gou is here to write Satoshi out. I do not like that I feel this way, I don't know how to get rid of this feeling and I hate it here.

Again, I like Gou's character, he's sweet, well developed, and I do enjoy seeing him in his own episodes. But I have come to noticed, than whenever he gets goal progression in an episode that's supposed to focus on Koharu or Satoshi, I feel so.... angry? And I've never, ever felt like this while watching other characters progress. And I know it's irrational.

Like, his main partner's already fully evolved, his secondary partner Sobble is already evolving soon despite only having one focus episode for itself before it, and he's caught all three of the Galar starters now, with some of his other not-that-important Pokémon making appearances every now and then with possible evolution showcases. And it's all done so fast. Same issue was with Satoshi's poketeam evolving in fast arcs, but I forgot to mention about it? But then again, I am somewhat fine with it as I get the writing style is to focus on one 'mon and then move on to another. Which is not to my taste completely but I digress. ANYWAY, back to Gou.

After seeing discussions and joining in on some on tumblr and twitter and elsewhere, it does appear that Gou's development speed and progression speed is incredibly fast. Like, seriously fast. He's caught a lot of Pokémon by now, and the show's already shown about 50% percent of all existing Pokémon in a bit over a year. About 30% being caught by Gou. (Statistics borrowed from EntityMays' Living Dex trackers, links in posts will disrupt showing in tag search so, google EntityMays's Living Dex, and you'll find the statistics there).

This is also very apparent when you think about how fast Gou suddenly became a good battler, when at the beginning he sucked. A lot. I get Satoshi could be a great example on learning how to battle with good strategy in mind, but we barely saw Gou struggle. We Satoshi struggle in OS, so I would have prefered more struggling by Gou. His first battle against a legendary ended up in Zapdos almost getting caught and uuuuuggh, while it's a pretty good episode it really should have been at later point, same with Suicune episode. Thou with the latter I have WAY more issues than just the placement but, I'm not gonna rant about that today.

And what should I say about his dynamics with other characters... They're good, I am a huge fan of how the dynamic between Koharu and Gou works, as their childhood friend dynamic is shown so, so well, and you can just tell the two have mutual respect as Gou gives Koharu the space she needed when she wasn't into Pokémon for a while, and when she then became partners with Eevee, Gou was so so SO darn supportive just, AGH. Love how these two work.

And everyone knows I fell for Gou x Tokio dynamic straight away. Like they had a friendship built up right away when they first met as little kids and Tokio missing out on their promised meeting due to being sick and not having any means of contacting him yes still considered Gou his friend after these years when Gou considered him a traitor of trust and Gou then forgives him for it and just aaaaaahhh-. KRHM. Excuse me.

Then there's Gou and Satoshi's dynamic and I already said in my post about Satoshi how I feel intimidated by the fans of their shipping and how it makes me feel.... kinda sad about not being able to like their dynamic for what it is. I LOVE it a ton. I have said it a countless times, they're a broTP to me. They're dynamic was very enjoyable for me to watch, and even Gou was. But like, on TOP of these issues I mentioned before this part, I also have another issue with Gou: his fanbase, or the crazier part of it.

Often times I feel like I'm unable to enjoy Gou's character without being reminded of the fans who constantly think of him as shipping fuel, or think he's flawless and anyone disagreering is in some form a negative trait filled human being, etc etc etc. In a way, I feel like I'd enjoy Gou and his dynamic with Satoshi way, way more, if I had never learned about this side of the fandom. Let people like their dynamic the way they want. Be it romantic or platonic. Neither is wrong, but pushing one side to push their own headcanon to other people's head is just, bad act. Having this feeling in me has actually made me wonder, whether I would have liked other characters I am such a huge fan of, if I had been watching their shows during their airing times (for example Serena).

Now what would I have done differently with Gou? Firstly, slow the fuck down. I would have prefered to see Hibunny way more. I would have prefered to have one Galar Starter, namely Grookey, go to Satoshi, as it would help me feel less like Gou's stealing his thunder. I would have prefered if Gou and Satoshi's goals were established around same time. I would have very much liked it, if Gou wouldn't be catching Pokémon each episode.

Now what COULD help me like him better from what we have by now? Well. Slow it down. Have him interact with Koharu more. Give him a rival to further make him shine on his own instead of seemingly relying on Satoshi to shine through. Hell, maybe make Tokio his friendly rival. And on top of that, please let him not catch Pokémon almost every single episode. I'd love an episode where he captures some Pokémon that prefers to be free, and he then would let it go. I think that would make his character be good on his own, and make me feel better about him once again.

Cough. I think I've got my point clear. As said, I like Gou, but very much dislike the way he's written in such fast pacing and in a way that, despite statistics stating otherwise, making him feel like he's the sole protag and not sharing spotlight as dual protag. And I hope to god I can get rid of this feeling as the series goes on. Because right now, I don't have high hopes :(

If you've read this far, thank you for reading, and I am so, so sorry this became a long long rant about the issues I have with Gou, but I hope I managed to bring out what I like about him as well. Hopefully next time's gonna be a more positive post, as I'll try writing about my full on feelings about the handling of Koharu, or as dub audience knows her, Chloe.

Once again, thanks for reading, have a good evening or morning or whatever time it is by the time you've read this, and I hope you'll have a fantastic time ♥ And as a reminder, these are just my opinions, and if you disagree, you are totally valid.

Til next time! This was Smiling Performer aka Aleira, signing out!

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Twenty | Ooo (Part 1 of 2)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Alternate Chapter Title: Before the Clock Strikes Midnight

• • •

Knock-knock.

However common, the sound makes you jolt. You stop everything you're doing to check on your schedule, needing to consult with it first to better establish yourself into reality. It takes a few pages and some seconds of reading for you to determine you don't expect any visitors today.

Knock-knock.

"One moment," you shout; stress spikes as you fail to wrap things up quicker, having to bring the stew into a boil before turning it off.

You're not sure what to anticipate from the one waiting at the door, nor why it's worrying your thoughts as much as it is. A knock was nothing to be afraid of, as wasn't receiving a surprise visit if you were to consider how tidy your home was and how up-to-date you were with your responsibilities. Regardless, the sound of the door opening sends all meditating techniques aside and panic replaces your search for serenity and reasoning. You rush off to the living room and get ready to face whoever's there, though not without letting that alert state show through your posture and the way you hold on tight to the knife you used for cutting the vegetables.

"Who's-"

Warmth leaves your body the second you see who the person is; the knife almost falls, yet the visitor rescues it by its handle and gives it back to you afterwards. Your offensive stance vanishes and you find yourself incapable of storing the weapon away without making yourself seem like an anxious mess. The man stares at you throughout -- making matters worse, no doubt.

"G- God, I'm sorry!" you blurt out, frowning. "I thought you were-"

"I've had worse welcomes into strangers' homes," Bubbles says, remaining unfazed. "Though that still doesn't excuse the… oddity of your actions." He greets Frisk -- now closing the door of the living room -- with a nod and a smile. He then takes a small step forward and closer to you, cornering you in place without doing much about it. "Is there something wrong, (L/N)? You appear different from the first time we met."

You gulp tension away and attempt a smile.

"It's been a rough couple of months, so I've grown... worried about bad things happening," you reply, taking a breath. "N- Not even those two months without Frisk were as scary as these new changes. Back then, I had little to lose -- I'd already lost my own child; there wasn't much left around for me to keep living for. No reason for it. Frisk wasn't with me anymore, and… And I destroyed all my other relationships, so -- in the end -- I was alone and I didn't have anywhere to go." You huff and follow it up with a shudder. "But now… Now I've got plenty to lose and barely any ideas on how to prevent that from happening. I don't want to lose the progress I've made until now, and I… I don't want to keep screwing up so much, either."

"You should seek some sort of counseling, if so."

He takes a step back and sits on the couch when Frisk offers him to.

You copy the man's actions, choosing the recliner opposite to his seat to maintain eye contact with him.

"There's a fine line between fear and paranoia, and I believe you're crossing the latter now," he adds, frowning. "Or do you consider it normal to come running all the way from the kitchen to the living room, pointing a knife at me -- and looking as on-edge as you were just a moment ago?" He stops for a minute. "I understand you're being cautious, and that you're worried over Frisk opening the door to anyone who knocks on it, but your reaction just now was much different from the first day we met -- in a few ways positive, but in most ways not."

"I… I'll try to find some help, then," you reply, sighing. You then bring a hand to your forehead and rub at your temples, brow creasing in the process. "But... May I ask what's the reason for your visit? I thought our next meeting would be by the end of the year," you stop yourself at the feeling of being impolite, "...Not that I mind you visiting! I just… I thought I had more time to research more about monsters."

He keeps quiet for what feels like an eternity, heightened by the loud ticktock of the clock hanging nearby. "I can answer, but only if you promise me you'll be true to your word, and if you provide thorough evidence the next occasion we meet -- both with your counseling and research."

"I already have some on my research," you say, smiling. "Could I show it to you?"

"You should," he replies, impassive.

"E- Excuse me for a moment, then."

He nods.

Nodding back, you walk off to your room and clear your throat on the way there in an attempt at gaining some strength. You can feel your resolve debilitating with each second, likely product of the surprise visit, but undoubtedly influenced by factors beyond it. The bunny notepad gifted to you was still a work in progress. You'd barely just managed to cover half of the ten main people Frisk was associated with. Toriel, Papyrus, and Sans were the three you'd learned most about, while Undyne and Alphys had been left behind with the whirlwind you'd been pulled into since the monsters arrived at the Surface. It's difficult to admit you'd rather go back to how things were before Frisk ended up at the Underground, yet -- at the same time -- there's plenty of things that outweigh that desire, varying from the help and friendship both Toriel and Papyrus offered you, to the 'friends with benefits' sort of relationship you shared with the latter's older brother.

You brush those thoughts aside when picking up the notepad; priorities are rearranged as you step out and make way back to the living room.

No matter what, you weren't about to lose your child simply for allowing them to keep spending time with a group known to have hurt them first. Something had to be done, even if it involved you becoming an antagonist. As lovely as the monsters were and are, there are some sacrifices you're not quite ready to make yet -- however selfish some of these make you feel.

The routine of breathing in and out is kept in mind as you arrive at the living room, where -- true to his word -- Bubbles is still at. He's still sitting on the couch, but at a different spot as he leaves space for Frisk, who's showing him the hundred-piece puzzle they're more than halfway through finishing. A smile can be seen on his face, and he doesn't have his sunglasses on anymore, making him appear much more approachable now. That -- however nice of a sight to see -- changes when he looks up from the puzzle and stares down at you, smile changing to a firm line and eyes narrowing when meeting yours.

"Is that all your evidence?" he asks, gaze going further down to stare at the bunny notepad in hand. "Forgive me for saying this, but I'm afraid that doesn't seem like much, at first glance."

It isn't.

Bile forms in your throat and you're urged to squeeze the notepad tight, too anxious to let your muscles relax and too nauseous not to grow irate. "It's possible it might not be much," you confess, frowning. You then bite on your lower lip to prevent your voice from lowering. "I've had a tough time deciding, and…" You sigh and loosen your shoulders afterwards. "And then other things got in the way, but... Judging by the situation, I should wait until you ask me what these things are, shouldn't I?

"That would be preferable," he replies, gaze and mouth softening. "Care to place that notebook on the table? I'll only need a few minutes to look through it."

"Of course."

With that final agreement, you approach the coffee table and set the evidence down. An instinct to flee from the scene while he reads overcomes your senses, though you remind yourself of the severity of the situation and what lies ahead. You sit back down on the recliner and tap your foot as you wait for him, an action you can't bring control over with how shaky your entire body is. Even so much as keeping yourself in one place feels like a challenge you're not exactly ready to overcome presently. Regardless, you comply and distract yourself by looking at Frisk, who's still finishing with their puzzle.

"It's been months, and yet this is the only information you've found?" Bubbles asks, fixing the sunglasses now resting on his head as he brings the notebook closer to him. "There's hardly ten people on this list, (L/N)," he adds, face scrunching as he reads through the list again. "Just what have you been up to this entire time?"

A combined sense of guilt and embarrassment take over, causing an overall inability to stare at him, already hard to do with the intensity of his gaze. "I've been touring the Underground," you begin, bracing yourself with a breath. "I was also hospitalized for a while, and then there was some... personal trouble with my ex-husband the day after I, well…" Your face burns at the thought. "Spent the night at a hotel with, uh… monster number three."

Bubbles eyes the list again and stops immediately.

"Serif?" he asks, showing you the notebook and pointing at his name. He then looks back to it and skips through a few pages. A subtle curve shows up on his mouth, almost making him appear as if he's smiling. "I assumed as much, judging by how much there's written about him." Sighing, he closes the notepad and stares at you again. "But spent the night in a literal sense, or-"

"Literal!" you exclaim, too stressed to bear listening until the end. "We're not dating, but…"

"You wish you were?"

"Uh… Kinda?"

His neutral expression changes to a subtle frown. "That doesn't answer my question, unfortunately."

"I'm not sure," you elaborate, huffing as you furrow your brow and grimace, headache returning. "We've… We've called each other nicknames a couple of times, and we almost kissed once, but, well…"

"Wasn't he the one troubling you the most?" he asks, frown growing more prominent. "While I do not wish to question you over who you befriend, this is the same man you informed me about a few months ago, who -- quote: 'threatened Frisk with death and did very little to help them out in the Underground'." He stops to breathe in deep, huffing just as loud after. "Can you sincerely admit to me you've developed a crush on him ever since then -- cross your heart?" he adds, forehead wrinkling and hands folding over the notebook. "Has he shown any repentance over his actions for you to be forgiving him so easily?"

"That's exactly why ren's not dating him officially yet!" Frisk intervenes, standing up from their seat like a lawyer would do when defending their client. "They-"

"Please, do not interrupt us. It's for your own good, Frisk (L/N)."

"But it's true," they state, persisting. "I-"

"It's been roughly three months since I last gave this home a visit, and yet I've seen little progress made with the only task I assigned to you, (L/N)," he says, standing up straight. "You were meant to determine and establish which monsters are safe to have around Frisk, and which ones aren't, but -- so far -- the only information you've given me's going stagnant with how long it's taken you to make a decision."

You're the one to stand up next, against letting yourself feel weaker.

"That's what I've been doing, even if it looks like I haven't made any progress," you reply, fists clenching. Your heart races faster with each moment that passes, making you seek some calm through the reminder of how fragile your current physical state is. "I- I've toured half of the Underground with that same man, I've settled an agreement with Toriel as to how much time she's allowed to spend with Frisk, and I'm... I'm trying to understand number three's intentions by-"

"By dating him."

"Please, let me finish."

Bubbles chuckles and crosses his arms, staring down at you afterwards. "Alright." He sighs and loosens up as he massages the bridge of his nose. "Then, would you be kind enough to explain to me what you've learned about him so far? And just why haven't you made a decision yet, if you happen to know him that well?"

"He's, uh…" You hesitate with a frown. "He's difficult to understand, but he... He means well, and I trust his intentions better these days."

"This is the same man you were accusing of being a hypocrite the first day you met him."

"And now it's been months, sir." You harrumph when noticing the sudden rise in your tone. "I've learned enough now to know he doesn't mean any harm."

"And to what extent would you say your trust towards him goes?" he asks, uncrossing his arms and softening his gaze. "Is it enough for you to accept his and Toriel's offer of having you and your child in that new school? Or enough to still hesitate when asked about the nature of your relationship with him?" His stern mouth turns to a frown, revealing whole-hearted concern. "How can you trust him enough for one thing, but not the other -- if one is much more weighted than the other?"

You take a second to think and calm down some more. His questions make rounds about your mind as you weigh the pros and cons of not only your relationship with monster number three, but with everyone else, as well. Finding an answer proves difficult the more you stay quiet to reflect on the heaviness of both sides. Either way, consequences would soon follow, and you were required to act fast -- judging by Bubble's words. If you wanted to let Frisk keep their relationship with the monsters and for you to maintain your own, you needed to speed things up more than you would want to, given how much willpower you have left.

"Because even then, they're still different things," you speak up, breaking the silence. "Accepting that job offer and letting Frisk go to Toriel's school isn't the same as opening my heart out to someone new, when I screwed up big time seven years ago with a different guy."

Bubbles takes the notepad and gives it back to you. Then, he fixes his attire and looks at the time. His expression is hard to read with how serious his eyes and mouth have become, though his calm tone reveals he's neutral over the situation when he replies with, "Who you date is none of my concern, so long as it is done with another consenting adult, and so long as it doesn't bring any harm upon Frisk. The same goes for your friendships, but time's running out, and I need you to start making decisions soon." He stops to slip his sunglasses back on, masking his gaze, smoothened by sympathy for what seems like a split second -- if not less. "It's either that, or I'll have to make them for you." He sighs. "And as I'm sure you know, these aren't the best for you or your child. It's what the department requires for the safety of Frisk, above anything else."

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• • •

Stay tuned for a Pride Month related notice after the next update is out.

As always, take care, stay safe...

...And Happy Pride! 🌈😄

• • •

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[whaleofatjme1920]

I am here today bc I need some advice

I love my bf, we've been together for almost a year now and I love him, again, and he makes me happy and be is happy In our relationship

But I am scared of being with him long term, and it's not his fault, he has never done anything to make me feel scared or unsafe with him

I'm just scared of the idea of being committed to one person for so long, he wants to be long term. And that's scary to me, the idea of devoting so much time to just one person

I'm scared that I will miss out and experiencing different kinds of people and dating others just being free.

But I don't want to let him go to do all that

I'm a Goth and I dream of meeting someone who's in the scene or in a similar scene and my bf isn't that, and I don't wanna change him to fit that bc that might not be him. You know?

I love him and he makes me happy but I'm scared of commitment

What should I do?

It genuinely depends on you and your perception and what you're willing to put up with and establish as a hard boundary. Is being with someone who fits your overall aesthetic and lifestyle(? forgive me, I'm not *too* in depth with this type of subculture) a hard boundary? Something he needs to meet? Has he tried to get into the things you're into or is he dismissive of them? What do you define as hitting the mark or falling short of it in this regard?

As for the other parts, you might want to consider seeing a professional as our minds are powerful and can convince us to do something and to talk ourselves out of it. It really depends on if you want to take that chance or not. If you don't, would you regret the relationship most likely fizzling out? Would you regret not going further? It is a chance to see what happens, but if your gut is honest to goodness telling you no, that's not a good idea, you're not ready or something is wrong and you don't know it, then follow it. Other than that, it could just be your brain arguing with you on deals of commitment! Commitment can be so scary and feel almost suffocating, but it also provides a certain amount of security and can bring a relationship to heights you've never even dreamed of before. Are you willing to trust your partner and take that chance?

Are you really going to miss out on dating other people that much? If you decide to break it off, or it doesn't work, you can't mess with his feelings or your own by "coming back" after "realizing what you've always been missing". That's not fair to your partner, you cannot treat people like they are a backup action. You need to be 100% certain in all the choices you make, and consider how they affect other people. I think what's really important is: what does your current partner not provide that you think other people might? What experiences are so !!! that this becomes a genuine "I don't know if I'm ready."

It's really up to you. No one can make any one decision for you. I don't know you like that, and I am not responsible for your life. But, there are some things to think about! Take the decision at the pace you feel most comfortable with, and don't do anything you know you'll regret in the long run.

Also also, if you do decide to be with them long term: DO NOT SUGGEST OPENING THE RELATIONSHIP. If you don't enter into a relationship with ethical non monogamy/poly already on the table, most of the times it won't be received well being brought up as a last ditch effort to make yourself or your partner happy. They could be receptive to it at first but way too many people aren't near as reflective and thoughtful as they need to be for poly/non monogamous relationships. That is not something you want to find out your tolerance levels for when the relationship is already in a weird place.