#forget my thoughts

[silverclawz]

Journal into the void:

Im worried. He and I both don’t seem fond of cleaning up messes, even casual ones made. And he has repeatedly referenced how once They and I move in with Him, it’ll be like having two ‘good little maids/service subs’.

I don’t mind tidying up every once in a while.

But I also know that when a task or chore is expected of me, I’m less likely to do it, and have in the past forced compromises that favor me.

With dishes, I take my meals away from the group to wind down and be unmasked 100%, giggling and laughing to my hearts content. And when I’m done eating, I set my plates by my bed. They usually stack up. And when the stack gets big enough I take it all downstairs and put it in the dish washer. But I’m not the one who empties the dishwasher or who puts the soap in there and turns it on.

With clothes, I have a pile system. Things I wear daily, especially pants (since they don’t collect sweat like shirts) that i like to wear every day go in one place, things I have worn that aren’t smelly yet go nearby in a different pile, and things that I sweat in or get something on go in the hamper. After about 1.5 weeks, or if the floor where my piles are gets too crowded, I’ll ‘inventory’ all the piles, move anything that needs washing to the laundry, take it to the washer and load the first load. If I’m home alone for the next several days, I’ll resign myself to sitting within earshot so I can swap out everything in as few trips as possible. I only ever sort it out into clothing type too, leaving me with a pile of shirts I either end up hanging up immediately or never at all that sit outside my closet. They’re their own pile so I know They’re clean.

With the floors, I hate vacuuming my room as it makes it smell afterwards, even with all the odor removers and fans, it brings up all the musk and stays for at least a day and a half, if not longer. The most I’ll do is the occasional ‘hair summoning’ ritual as my friends joke. I rub my hands in circles on my carpet to collect as much hair as possible. But thats only when i start to feel lots of it with my feet.

The problem is that in such a small space, pile systems like mine don’t work, and neither does putting off cleaning. I’m nervous to tell Him this, but I /REALLY/ wanna throw out His faux leather couch and the little bit of carpet He has. The faux leather is degrading all over (He jokes that its giving couch herpes to everyone), and the carpet was soaked in urine recently. With the fact that His floors aren’t sealed like tile or laminate, I’m worried that repeated pup accidents are going to rot the only thing between our feet and the undercarriage of the three wheel.

He always praises and thanks both Them and I when we make the bed before leaving, but this most recent time, when they straitened it and They didn’t immediately go to Their apartment, He didn’t thank Them. I know its not a big deal, but I’m worried. I don’t know how moving three people into a space will affect us, but moving three people into a space thats only really designed to fit a couple and two guests? We don’t all fit on the bed, at least, we technically do but I feel like I always end up nearly falling off due to my inability to establish a physical boundary between us each night. I know already in my heart that I wouldn’t be likely to get any good rest if all three of us moved in there right this second. On top of that, the place with the other two beds is unairconditioned, and I have always slept in cool, bordering on cold, rooms. And finally, His two corgis seem to up the dramatics any time either They or I come to visit, often waking one of us up just because. In addition, the corgis both shed a lot, coating nearly any and all fabrics in a thick layer of fur. Now, I’ve lived with dogs my whole life, so I know they shed and have gotten used to fur occasionally on my clothes, but at His place, its to the point where it becomes like a barrier, slipping my shoes on and off becomes dangerously easy when the interior of the shoe and the socks I wear are drenched in slippery soft fur. And growing up with dogs, you also get used to the occasional scratch, at which point you know its time to clip and file their nails. Problem is, with the corgis, this task goes from a one person job of maybe 30-45 minutes per dog, to a two or even three person job of anywhere from 45 minutes to over an hour. And I can’t feasibly ask Him to help me clip His dog’s nails during the work week, but during the weekend neither of us want to do anything stressful, i.e. the corgis nails. Its become a bit of a problem. And I get that after a week of sitting at the same desk, staring at the same 4-6 walls anyone would want to get out there and party, I really do. But … shouldn’t there be balance?

The thing is, I don’t get the feeling that He or They see any of these things as a problem that would keep us from moving forward with all of us moving in. I’ve tried bringing it up with both of them, but they both seem to not find it to be a deal breaker.

Am I being too picky? Are these kinds of assumptions normal for new roommates to have for each other? I was always under the impression that roommates split the chores, and would take other’s concerns seriously? Am I too sheltered to have a clear veiw? I know if I asked either of them that question, they’d both say yes without hesitation, but… does that make it true? I know I’ve been sheltered and had decent and amazing roommates who are always happy to form routines to accommodate me and pick up my slack. But does that mean that I should allow people who say they are my partners to dismiss my concerns, even if they are unfounded?

And then theres the headache of how the fuck we’ll do financials.😓 I thought the offer was “come live with me in my third wheeler, grow a business beside me and see the world!” Not… not “come be my live in maid who also has to get a career that has promotable options while also being remote and paying rent”

I feel bad for ever expecting something for free but… I also feel like our ways of life just wont mesh well. Its only been 13 weeks, a little over two months since we met. And yes, everything is WONDERFUL, but its also moving too fast. I just… I’m scared. I’m scared of starting to commit again and being left, shattered and hollow and a fragment of what I was before. I’m scared that I’ll be too scared to tell them that I’m not happy preferring to tough it out rather than let them know that I’m flaking away. That who I am is being crushed by so much doubt and anxiety that I’m becoming a numb and hollow shell. I’m terrified that these two incredible people whom I love will be thriving while I am struggling to keep up, struggling to keep my head above the waves, struggling to smile and enjoy myself all because they want to keep moving at this same fast pace.

I’m terrified that the two people I’ve grown to love will realize that my roots run too deep for me to be as unaffected by moving as they are.

I’m terrified that they are two tumble weeds, bouncing and exploring life as they were made to and I am the potted plant who tries to follow, only to hurt myself and them in the process.

Its only been 13 weeks, and I know already that to slow down in the pace of our interactions would kill me, as just the thought itself brings me to tears as I write this.

I’m terrified. I love them and I’m terrified.

But to speak the words aloud is to give voice to them, to give life to them.

So do I speak and quake in the knowledge that my words will wound and unsettle them, or do I keep silent, and face these terrors on my own.

Oh to be a bird, who can sing a song above the ocean, knowing there are no others to hear it near by.

Oh to be a tree in a forest, falling with no one to witness it’s surrender to the end.

Oh to be a tumble weed, bouncing along, picking up knick knacks along the way, until they find their final resting place. Only to tumble again should the wind blow in a favorable direction.

Oh to be free of thought. Free of the fear of heartbreak, and the painful process of rebuilding one’s self.

Oh to be Free.

[caramelldansenu]

[pineapple-frenzy]

Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara

They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them

But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd

The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>

[lopashes]

smoke break for two

[raviollies]

Just who are you, Councilor Medarda?

[paintedcrows]

Totally Normal Trigonometry Things

[hinamie]

back on my free! brainrot

[sameboot]

Paraphrasing again buuut I wanted to try illustrating this scene!

[spicyraeman]

got inspired by some tailed zel art

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

This wine tastes like pigs blood!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[egophiliac]

doylist explanation for why Gidel is only in Fellow's non-idle lesson animations: probably something about space constraints and making sure two sprites in one seat aren't covering anyone else when they're not in focus

watsonian explanation for why Gidel is only in Fellow's non-idle lesson animations: he snuck in and is hiding from the teachers, don't give him away 🤫

(I've reached my limit of unsuccessful attempts at pulling them before I need to save keys for Halloween, so I've been living vicariously through youtube videos...but the fact that Gidel just pops up from under the desk to wave his arms around happily is really testing my resolve. D: I'm gonna die when they finally get to do alchemy...)

[kurocrow]

Any of yall hear about that one yuri manga

[a-chaotic-dumbass]

favorite thing in asoiaf is that the stark family tree is just filled with haters in every generation. theon stark brandon snow alaric stark cregan stark even ned's brother brandon and lyanna too. even the current kids jon snow robb sansa and arya all have some kendrick lamar level of beef w at least one person. brandon the builder spawned an entire genre of haters

[maldupay]

isat is the gift that keeps giving cause even a few months after playing i still find out about tiny little missable details that make me insane. such as the change god statue having like 10 different sprites that deal varying degrees of psychic damage

[mohntilyet]

about illario working with the venatori, we can't forget that elgar'nan gifted him blood magic, so I do think that he somewhat influenced him and that's why he's so much more vindictive and jealous in comparison to tevinter nights. I don't mean that he's being mind controlled, but it's a bit like cyrian, a god just amplifying those negative emotions in you and promising power and glory can push a person to that edge and to make stupid af decisions.

im also not forgetting that zara line in inner demons where she talks about an envy demon. like. why an envy demon in specific...there's THINGS between zara and illario that were not shown

no literally if you get me talking about illario + envy + the possibility of getting him possessed, you will have me here for fucking ever. a non mage doing blood magic (any magic at all) is really weird and interesting to me and i don’t remember an example of this happening before (feel free to correct me tho lol. i’m discounting possessions and dwarves)

i had started wildly theorising after bloodbath that he had been possessed and he was tapping into the fade using an envy demon. especially like you said, zara mentions it, AND because i swear there’s a codex in the ossuary where it mentions an envy demon whereas spite is obviously determination, right? so i thought it was a breadcrumb trail to a big “illario is being influenced and doesn’t even know” reveal— same as you anon like great minds am i right— but i’m not sure there is actually any evidence of that lol. like maybe if you squint but i do believe it was explained away by “oh yeah, and elgarnan let him do special blood magic”

it does also make sense to me that illario can only control lucanis, due to being part of the same family. a bloodline thing, and it is very poetic to me that their shared family connection in caterina is what allows him to control lucanis, even for a moment lol. spite being the extra magical boost that lucanis needs to block that out ALSO makes sense to me so i’m not too fussed abt these details lol🤔

the envyllario in my heart also gets spectral weapons for himself. lucanis gets wings, illario gets talons, PLUS green-purple are complementary colors so it would have been really fun to see them clash with their spirit/demon-powers. the talon thing is also a kind of reflection of his end-goal desire, how envy demons already have those freaky hands, and it manifests as claws and is a much more aggressive, strength-augmenting manifestation (as opposed to manoeuvrability and speed-augmenting that spite’s wings give lucanis.) anyways that's what the diagram above is supposed to be (this is extremely hot to me)

[chalkrub]

so i remembered daily comic day this year and i am paying for it