#forever grateful for every zoomed shot he does

[wicked-cat]

[howdoyousleep3]

hi don't mind me, i've had a very overwhelming and sad last few days and wanted to do something brazenly self-indulgent. welcome to my brain for the past week or so, maybe you can find joy in this too, maybe you won't, but i’d like to get this out. 💘

you feel impossibly small around your Daddy

in mind, in body, in spirit

and it would be scary if he didn't take complete and perfect care of you, but of course he does

so you are at peace with your existence and way of life

"You know...kitten, you know I'd take care of you. Daddy makes a lot of money and there's nothing more he wants than to spend every bit of it on you, providing for you. I hate seein' my baby cry, hate seein' you stressed, when we can fix it, when you can let Daddy take care of you. I know, mhmm. You're a determined little thing, but when you're ready to let Daddy do his job, you let him know..."

your pride keeps you at your job long after you’ve made up your mind to let Daddy take care of you

you’ve never let someone have so much control over you and it’s hard to wrap your head around, takes time to accept

someone controlling your finances? providing for you in every way? having to rely on someone for money and food and a home?

the red flags are overwhelming

it doesn’t feel like red flags with your Daddy though— it feels like safety, like protection, like love

according to him, your job now is to let Daddy make the decisions, is to be as carefree and sweet as possible

of course there are times when your mouth is stretched obscenely around his girth or his long strokes in your bitty pussy leave you squealing and squirting and crying where he tells you this is your job—

“This is it, sweet girl— this right here. This is why you left that fuckin’ job. Daddy’s big cock was hurtin’, was achin’, not havin' total access to this tight little pussy. A pussy like this deserves to be fucked on the regular, deserves to be filled up by her Daddy every single goddamn day, shit...this is how you repay your Daddy, baby. With this pretty fuckin’ pussy…

you spend most of your days going to work with your Daddy

Daddy sets your clothes out in the morning, makes you breakfast, wakes you up with gentle kisses and rumbly whispers and the occasional wandering hand

sometimes you require a firm hand though, a stern voice to get you out of bed on time

you not so secretly like his firm hand though

there's a small part of his office, near the window overlooking the city, that is dedicated to you

a cute table with a lamp and your computer, a vase for the flowers you never fail to pick up each week, your art supplies and your favorite coloring book Daddy bought you two weeks ago, your journal and favorite pens, your current read and your stack of future reads

he knows how you’re feeling always, anticipates your every need

your outfits, your meals, the coffee he orders you on the way to work, how you spend your days in his office

“Your clothes are on the bed, sweetheart”, “…and she’ll have the salmon with an additional side of french fries, thank you”, “Here baby, just how you like it— oat milk with an extra shot”, “You’re almost done with your book, why don’t you read that?”

your Daddy knows you down to your core, your soul, knows you inside and out

if your brain is sad, he chooses clothes that are loose and soft on your body, maybe something of his, chooses foods that can be broken into small bites so he can feed them to you, doesn’t allow for you to make s single decision and you’re forever grateful

he’ll let you crawl right into his lap while he’s in a meeting, on Zoom, taking a call, won’t hesitate or stop what he’s doing, will just wrap you up in his arms and rearrange you how he wants you while he continues to talk or take diligent notes

if you wake up feeling as sweet as can be he chooses something flirty and confident for you to wear, gives you tasks that allow you to interact with more people at the office, maybe letting you do a bit of shopping, still not letting you make many decisions but always giving you what you need

sometimes he’ll ask you to complete tasks if you’re in a better, more playful mood

he rarely gets things done on these days, watching you as you move around his office and work at his desk, sometimes pulling out his cock and shamelessly jerking off to the sight of you working through his to-do list like a good girl

if he's in a mood, he'll tell you to take your clothes off as you prance around his office, and he'll strokes himself off to your cute little behind, the sway of your hips, the bounce of your tits

"Look at you remindin' Daddy that he's the luckiest sonofabitch there ever was. Goddamn, you're a pretty little thing, aren't you? Daddy can't help it; even here at work he's gotta get his hand on his cock. Gimme a twirl, there you go, that's my girl. No no, you keep workin' on that to-do list, baby. Don't mind Daddy...

no matter what, it’s heady watching Daddy be the boss at work, commanding others with confident ease, which makes it easy for you to want him on you, in you, near you as each and every work day comes to a close

more often than not, no matter your mood, you end up with a mouthful of Daddy's cock on the drive home, whether it be stress relief for him of comfort or need for you

your nights are reliably cozy, meals (ordered from your favorite places or made at home since Daddy is a great cook) eaten together after a shower or bath, watching television or a movie or reading together under a cozy blanket to round the day out

and as you fall asleep each night, Daddy's big, warm body pressed tightly against your own in your big, cloud-like bed, you never fail to remind yourself how lucky you are to have your Daddy in your life, to have someone who dotes on you, protects you, provides for you, gives you everything you could ever want, who loves you

“I'm the lucky one, sweet girl. Rest your pretty head now and have the sweetest of dreams...”

[lokiondisneyplus]

Yes, Loki series director Kate Herron knows about your fan theory about the show, the analysis you posted to social media. No, she won’t tell you what she thinks about it, or whether you were right.

“I follow all the conversations on Twitter,” Herron told Polygon in an interview shortly after Loki’s season 1 finale. “I don’t always weigh in on them, because I made the show, so they don’t want me weighing in like, ‘Actually, guys…’ I think that’s the whole point of art — it should be up for debate and discussion.”

[Ed. note: Spoilers ahead for season 1 of Loki.]

Loki has been a hit for streaming service Disney Plus — episode 6 of the show, the final installment for this season, was reportedly watched by more households than any of the platform’s MCU finales to date. The series has been a popular source of fan conjecture and argument, with one particularly big rolling conversation focusing on whether the budding romantic relationship between trickster Asgardian Loki (Tom Hiddleston) and his alternate-universe counterpart Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) is a form of incest.

Herron is willing to speak up about that one. “My interpretation of it is that they’re both Lokis, but they aren’t the same person,” she says. “I don’t see them as being like brother and sister. They have completely different backgrounds […] and I think that’s really important to her character. They sort of have the same role in terms of the universe and destiny, but they won’t make the same decisions.”

Herron says thematically, Loki falling for Sylvie is an exploration of “self-love,” but only in the sense that it’s Loki learning to understand his own motives and integrity. “[The show is] looking at the self and asking ‘What makes us us?’” Herron says. “I mean, look at all the Lokis across the show, they’re all completely different. I think there’s something beautiful about his romantic relationship with Sylvie, but they’re not interchangeable.”

Directing the final kiss between the two characters was a complicated process because it had to communicate something about each of them over the course of just a few seconds. Herron says the primary goal was creating a safe, comfortable environment for Hiddleston and Di Martino, and after that, she had to think about how to bring across Loki and Sylvie’s conflicting goals in that moment.

“It’s an interesting one, right?” she says. “Emotionally, from Sylvie’s perspective, I think it’s a goodbye. But it’s still a buildup of all these feelings. They’ve both grown through each other over the last few episodes. It was important to me that it didn’t feel like a trick, like she was deceiving him. She is obviously doing that, on one hand, but I don’t feel the kiss is any less genuine. I think she’s in a bad place, but her feelings are true.”

Herron says directing Hiddleston in the scene mostly came down to discussing the speech Loki gives Sylvie before the kiss. “That was really important, showing this new place for Loki,” Herron says. “In the first episode, he’s like, ‘I want the throne, I want to rule,’ and by episode 6, he isn’t focused on that selfish want. He just wants her to be okay.”

Loki writer and producer Eric Martin recently tweeted that he wished the show had been able to focus more time on two of its secondary characters, Owen Wilson’s Time Variance Authority agent Mobius M. Mobius, and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s Ravonna Renslayer. “I wanted to explore her more deeply and really see their relationship,” he says, “But covid got in the way and we just didn’t have time.”

Asked if Loki and Sylvie’s relationship suffered from similar necessary edits, Herron says it’s true that the show’s creators and audience still don’t know everything Sylvie went through to make her so different from the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s original version of Loki. “We’ve seen her as a child, but she’s lived for thousands and thousands of years, in apocalypses on the run,” she says. “I think there’s so much more to delve into with Sylvie […] You’re filling in the blanks. You see [her on the planet] Lamentis, and it’s horrific. And you’re like, “Well, what kind of person would she be, growing up in apocalypses? What kind of personality would that give her?”

Herron says Sylvie’s backstory actually reminds her of the 1995 movie Jumanji, where a young boy is sucked into a magical board game in 1969, and emerges 26 years later as a full-grown man, played by with typical manic energy by Robin Williams. “It’s such a weird reference, but…” she says. “He’s a little boy when he ends up captive in that game, and when he comes out, it’s obviously been a life experience. With Sylvie, it’s similar. She was a child when she had to go on the run, so she’s had a very difficult life. I would love to see more of it. As Eric said, she’s a rich character, there’s so much to be explored.”

Herron says, though, that during her time on the show, material about Sylvie was added rather than cut — specifically, those scenes of her as a child, being kidnapped by the TVA. “This was before my time, but I know in the writers’ room, there were lots of avenues exploring Sylvie on the run and what her life was like,” Herron says. “I wouldn’t want to speak more to those, because I wasn’t there when they were being discussed. But something wasn’t in there that was important to me — I felt we should see her [history] in the TVA. Me and the team were talking about how it made complete sense, because episode 4 is all about twisting the idea that the TVA might be good on its head. And so that’s something that came in later, once I joined, was seeing her as a child. I think we needed to see that, not to understand her completely, but to get an idea of her motivations, why she’s so angry at this place.”

Talking more broadly about the series finale, Herron says the last few episodes weren’t as heavily referential as the first episodes, which she intended as “a love letter to sci-fi.” While early images like the TVA’s interrogation rooms had specific visual references from past science fiction, episode 6’s locations were drawn more from collaborations with the crew.

“The idea of the physical timeline being circular, our storyboard artists came up with that,” Herron says. “I had in the scripts, ‘We move through space to the end of time,” and then me and [storyboard artist Darrin Denlinger] discussed how we could play with the idea of time, while also adding MCU nods. He was like, ‘What if the timeline is circular?’ I think that’s such a striking image, like the Citadel at the End of Time is the needle on a record player. I just thought that was such a cool image, but it wasn’t necessarily taken from anything.”

Episode 6 focuses heavily on the mysterious figure He Who Remains and his citadel, a space she says was largely conceived by production designer Kasra Farahani. “I remember he brought in the art of the Citadel, and I thought it was beautiful,” Herron says. “He said, ‘The Citadel has been carved from an actual meteorite,’ which I thought was such an inspired idea. And He Who Remains’ office is the only finished portion of it.”

She says there are only a few direct homages in episode 6, including the zoom shot through space, which directly referenced a similar sequence in Robert Zemeckis’ 1997 film Contact.

“And then I have my Teletubbies reference for episode 5,” Herron says. “I wanted the Void to feel like an overgrown garden, like a kind of forgotten place. And I realized I’d pitched it as the British countryside. I remember trying to explain it to ILM, who did the visual effects, and saying, ‘Oh, you know, it’s like the Teletubbies. It’s just rolling hills, but they go on forever.’ That actually was quite a helpful reference in the end, which is funny.”

Asked for her favorite set memory from shooting the season, Herron says it comes down to Tom Hiddleston starting a mania for physical exertion before takes. “Sometimes he runs around set to get himself in the right mindset before he performs,” she says. “He does pushups. You know, you’re going into an action scene, you want to look like you’ve just been running. And it became infectious across all the cast. We’ve got so much footage of — I think Jack [Veal] ended up doing it, who plays Kid Loki. I’ve got [shots of] him and Sophia doing pushups and squats, just to get ready. It was so funny watching that echo across all the cast. I think all of them ended up doing those exercises with him at some point. It was so funny.”

“That might be my favorite set story, but it’s honestly, not a sweet one,” she adds. “I would say my favorite thing is his enthusiasm. He’s a very kind empathetic person. We were filming this in quite tough circumstances, a lot of people were far from home and isolating, and he brought this warmth and energy and joy to the set every day. And I think that made everyone feel very safe and very bonded. I’m forever grateful to him for doing that.”

[charincharge]

Cruel Summer, Part 18

cruel summer masterlist

AN: This chapter is almost 4k words... whereas most of them have been just over 2k, so -- we had a lot of things going on. And some hopefully insightful revelations. Anyway, thank you all for your patience while I struggled with this one. I hope you enjoy learning a litttle bit more about Aelin. Okay, ONWARDS!

Aelin glances at her buzzing phone and silences it. It rings with another phone call from her dad that she sends straight to voicemail. It’s been almost three weeks since her blowout fight with her mom, and her dad has tried in vain to get them to reconcile – she’s just not ready yet.

“Your dad again?” Rowan asks, coming to sit on the couch with her. Rowan has been an undeniable pillar of strength through it all. He hasn’t pushed her to talk about the fight – he’s simply let her exist in his space, giving her a wide berth to process everything. Which is ironic, because Aelin has refused to process a single thing. She’s pushed all her discontent to the back of her brain, easily compartmentalized and boxed away to be dealt with at a later date. It’s Aelin’s most impressive ability. But, regardless of “not dealing,” she knows that without Rowan’s silent support she would have fallen apart already. She can’t even begin to express her gratefulness to him. Though, she’s tried. With her mouth. And other parts of her body.

Rowan’s fingers gently dance against the bare skin of her shoulder, and she leans into him and nods. He pulls her tighter into his side and kisses her forehead, and Aelin melts into him further.

Their moment is interrupted by Manon entering the small apartment. She takes a look at the couple on the couch and attempts to reign in her scowl, but Aelin spots it anyway. She’s come to realize that Manon might not be her biggest fan.

“Oh, you’re here…” Manon says, tossing her bag onto the kitchen counter.

“Not for long,” Rowan replies, and Aelin perks up, curious. She’d assumed they were just going to hang out in his room, like usual. Rowan looks back down at Aelin. “I was thinking we could go take some photos on the beach before the sun completely sets.”

Rowan’s favorite activity makes Aelin smile. He received a brand new Nikon and zoom lens from his mother in the mail, and she’s never seen Rowan so outwardly blown away as when he pulled it from the box. He’s snapped more pictures than she can count over the last few weeks, most of them of Aelin, which she pretends to be annoyed by but secretly loves.

Aelin glances down at her outfit – comfy leggings and one of Rowan’s old college t-shirts. “I’ll go get changed.”

He squeezes her hand as she gets up from the couch, and she makes her way into Rowan’s room to sort through the pile of clothes Dorian pinched from her room at home. She throws on a dark blue maxi dress and pulls her hair from its top knot. She fluffs her hair in the mirror, feeling more camera ready.

Rowan smiles when he sees Aelin emerge from his room, and her stomach flutters at the sight of his contented face.

They wave goodbye to Manon, who replaces them on the couch with her dinner, looking relieved to have the place to herself.

“Where to?” Aelin asks as Rowan ushers her down to his truck.

“Know any good private beaches?” he asks, and she frowns. She does. It just happens to be a very short walk away from her backyard. Rowan sees her face and squeezes her hand over the center console. “We don’t have to see your family. But. I thought maybe you’d want to.”

Aelin scrolls through the many texts from her father, which she’s left unanswered.

Fireheart, we understand you need time to cool down, but please call us when you’re ready.

Please, Aelin. Talk to us.

Your mother is sorry. She didn’t mean what she said. She was just emotional. She loves you so much. It’s upsetting her every day to know that she hurt you so badly.

Do you plan to stay with Elide indefinitely?

Are you really going to miss out on our family park day?

Gavin and Evie asked where you were today.

Dorian stopped to get your clothes. He says you’re doing well, but I’d really like to see for myself.

Fireheart, I understand that you’re hurt, but cutting us out isn’t going to make this better.  

We return to Adarlan in less than a month. Let’s not have this argument ruin the rest of the summer.

The texts feel endless. And Aelin does miss her dad. She just can’t believe her mom hasn’t tried to reach out and apologize to her. After everything she said… Aelin shakes it off, not willing to think about those hateful words and shrugs at Rowan.

“Sure.”

“Really?” he asks cautiously. Aelin nods. He’s right. Their private beach is the perfect place for a sunset photoshoot.

They park at the Playland, which is still bustling with activity, and walk down the beach until they get to the pale sand behind the Ashryver’s estate. Aelin glances up at her room balcony in the distance, half covered in twining roses, and her chest clenches uncomfortably.

Rowan surprises Aelin by wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her back against his chest, and she relaxes into him. He leans down and sticks his nose against her neck, and Aelin releases a shaky breath. As his chin finds a place to rest on her shoulder, Aelin’s eyes slide toward him, taking in the periphery of his tanned face and messy hair. She can’t help but smile.

Click.

The shutter of the camera whirs as Rowan takes a picture of them.

“Test shot,” he says, straightening up and looking at the display. Aelin peers over his arm to look, too, and she gasps at the casually beautiful photo.

It’s a closeup of their faces – with a soft pastel sunset out of focus behind them. But the thing that really shocks is the way she looks at Rowan. And the way he smiles back at her. She looks so happy with him. Aelin is so happy with him. She wants to print that photo out and keep it forever so she can remember this feeling long after this summer ends. Her stomach rumbles with something akin to sadness, but she pushes it far, far down. She knows her feelings about her mother aren’t the only thing she’s decided to compartmentalize – but she’s not going to unpack those either.

“I think that’s the first picture you’ve taken of us together,” she comments coolly, and Rowan lifts an eyebrow.

“I guess it is.” He looks down at the display screen again, then back at her with a confident smile. “We look pretty good together.”

“You’ll send that one to me, right?” she asks, and Rowan’s green eyes glow brightly as he assures her he will.

He leans down and kisses her forehead – his new favorite place to kiss, and a blanket of warmth and joy caresses Aelin’s face. Rowan directs her down to the water, where the small waves crash against the sand, and Aelin pulls up the long skirt of her dress, so as not to get wet. As she skips through the waves, her feet dancing in circles across the darkened sand, Rowan snaps pictures.

Aelin lets her heavy worries about her mother and their fight and the impending end of summer float away as she enjoys living in this moment. The setting sun casts shadows of deep magenta and purple and orange across the water, shimmering across the small ripples in the water. Feeling the cool sand beneath her toes, Aelin tilts her head back, closes her eyes, and grins.

She breathes in the salty sea air, especially pungent with the evening tide, but her moment of calm is disrupted by a large wave, which knocks against the back of her thighs, breaking all over her skirt, drenching her up to her waist.

Her eyes shoot open as she squeals loudly, and her peals of laughter float across the beach as Rowan continues taking pictures from the dry safety behind his camera.

Aelin runs out of the water and drops her dress skirt to the ground. It’s completely soaked.

Rowan finally lowers his camera, and she can see him biting his lip in an attempt to hold back his laughter.

“Shut up.” Aelin pouts as a cool breeze whips through the air, whirling around her and making her skin prickle with goosebumps.

“Come here,” he says with a soft smirk, and she happily obeys.

Rowan rubs his hands up and down her bare shoulders, trying fruitlessly to warm her as the sun completely descends behind the horizon. As she tries to wring the water out of her dress, Aelin shivers. Searching for more heat, she tries to pull herself closer to Rowan, but he takes a large step back.

“You’re dripping everywhere,” he laughs, and Aelin winks.

“You didn’t seem to mind that last night.”

Rowan’s cheeks redden, and Aelin cackles, loving how easily she can fluster him, just with the mention of sex.

He stares at her, and she watches as his bright eyes darken as she takes a large step toward him. He steps back again.

“Aelin, no…” he warns.

“Aelin, yes,” she decrees as she leaps into his arms, pressing her wet body against his as she attacks his face with kisses. He laughs against her lips, and she tightens her grip around his neck, pulling him as close as he can get to her.

“You’re evil,” he mumbles between kisses, and Aelin thinks he’s far too coherent if he’s able to reply so easily.

She squeezes her legs around his waist and drags her mouth to his ear. She scrapes her teeth down his strong jaw and lets her tongue snake out and taste his skin. Aelin’s efforts are rewarded with a pained groan and the feeling of Rowan’s fingers sliding through her hair and caressing the nape of her neck.

She reaches back for his lips and she hums happily as he lets her deepen their kiss. After she’s sated, she slows and pulls her face back to catch her breath. She smiles and kisses his lips softly.

Rowan smiles back, and as she looks into his eyes, she sees the depths of emotion that truly terrify her. Her box of emotions threatens to open and spill everywhere, and she can’t have that. She closes her eyes and kisses him one last time before sliding down onto the cold sand, awash in guilt. And not just for dampening his clothes with ocean water.

“Should I sneak into your room and grab you something dry to wear?” he asks, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “You’re freezing.”

Aelin lifts her nose as the faint traces of cigar smoke waft through the air. She would know that smell anywhere. It smells like summer nights on her back patio with her dad. Her stomach clenches.

“No,” she whispers. “Let’s just go.” She bolsters herself by plastering a cocky smile across her face and squeezing Rowan’s hand. “You can warm me up when we get home.”

“But that means you’ll be getting wet all over again,” Rowan deadpans, and Aelin’s feet stop moving in shock.

“Rowan Whitethorn,” she says, eyes wide. “Did you just make a dirty joke?”

His cheeks flame with a dark blush, and she drags him back to his truck quickly, so he can follow through on his promise.  

He does, and then some, and Aelin wakes up the next morning sore and satisfied.

She stretches out and frowns at the cold spot next to her where Rowan should be. He’s up early today. She hears voices murmuring outside in the living room and decides to get dressed and join them. She’s stepping into her shorts when she hears Manon’s sharp voice ask, “And what about our no live-in girlfriend rule?”

Aelin moves closer to the closed door and listens as shame rises within her. She knew she’d overstayed her welcome.

“It doesn’t count if she’s not my girlfriend,” Rowan quips back, and Aelin bites her lip, worrying the skin there. She can hear the anger in his biting tone, and it unnerves her.

“Oh please, you gave her apartment keys, Rowan.” Manon says with an undignified snort.

“So she doesn’t feel like a prisoner, trapped with nowhere to go!”

“Come on, dude,” Manon drawls. “If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…”

“We’re not ducks,” Rowan insists, and Aelin almost laughs with Manon at his reply.

“You are ducks, and also liars,” Manon insists. “Quack, quack, bitch.” A long beat of silence.

“I’ll talk to her,” Rowan says, his former anger turning into resignation. Aelin knows this means she needs to start thinking about where she’s going to go next. She knows Aedion and Lysandra would let her crash, but she’s not sure she’s forgiven Aedion for everything he said about Rowan, either. She definitely can’t stay at Dorian’s; his father gives her the creeps. And with Elide and Lorcan just getting together, she has no intention of being a cockblock to one of her best friends. Maybe it’s finally time to go home.

She remembers the faint smell of cigar and sighs. As if on cue, her phone buzzes with another text from her dad.

Can I take you out to lunch? Anywhere you want. You won’t have to see your mom.

Aelin finally responds.

Okay.

Her dad is ecstatic, and replies back quickly, arranging details to meet at Aelin’s favorite sandwich shop in town. A small little hole in the wall Italian deli called Rinaldi’s.

When Rowan enters his bedroom, he clutches at his hair nervously, and Aelin decides to put him out of his misery quickly. She doesn’t need him to explain why she needs to leave.

“So, I finally texted my dad back,” she says, and Rowan’s eyes widen in surprise. That is not the conversation he was expecting to have.

“Wow. Uh… what prompted that?” he asks, looking at her seriously.

She shrugs. “Maybe being at the house last night. Maybe it’s just time to get over it.” She looks around the room. “I know I’ve been here way too long.”

Rowan looks alarmed. “No, no. I told you you could stay as long as you want, and I meant it.” He pauses and swallows nervously. “I’ve really enjoyed having you here.”

“I’ve enjoyed being here,” she admits, and her heart beats faster at the blinding grin that takes over Rowan’s face. “But, we’ll see how convincing my dad is.”

“Okay,” he says nervously. She kisses him softly and smiles.

“Now go, before you’re late to work.” She grabs him by the collar of his polo and kisses him again, and she loves the way the tips of his ears turn pink – the first tell tale signs of his arousal. She likes leaving him flustered and wanting more. Plus, it’s nearly impossible for her to keep her hands to herself, so it works out nicely.

Aelin lazes around Rowan’s room for the rest of the morning, too scared to run into Manon, who works from home. She finally sneaks out and makes her way to the restaurant. She hopes to get there with time to spare, but when she arrives, Rhoe is already waiting outside, arms crossed nervously.

Aelin resists the urge to hug him, nodding tightly instead. She leads him in and orders her favorite sandwich – prosciutto and provolone with hot peppers and vinegar on a roll. And her dad’s – hot pastrami with swiss and mustard on rye – and then finds a small table near the window.

Rhoe looks tired. If the bags under his eyes are any indication, he hasn’t been sleeping much.

“You look good.” He reaches out a hand across the table and then retracts it, nervously, unsure of what to do.

“You look terrible,” Aelin replies. Her filter must be broken this morning. Rhoe laughs, despite her comment.

“The two loves of my life are fighting,” he says quietly, and Aelin is torn between wanting to scream at him or cry. Either way, she’s about to unleash three weeks worth of feelings she’s been ignoring.

Crying wins out. Moisture stings the corners of her eyes as her eyes fill with tears. She blinks rapidly, trying to keep them in, but a rogue tear drips down her cheek. She swipes at it hastily and breathes deeply, trying to get her emotions back under control. But she can’t. And she suddenly feels very, very small.

“Is that really what mom thinks of me?” Aelin asks, her voice barely a whisper through the thick frog in her throat. “That I’ve been a waste of her time and money?”

“No, Fireheart,” he assures her, finally reaching for her hand across the table. Aelin lets him.

“I’m sorry I don’t like Sam, but he’s not nice, Daddy.” Another tear falls from her eye. And another. Aelin can’t swipe at them fast enough. “He’s so spoiled. And entitled. And…” Her voice breaks. “And I don’t want to be anything like him. But… she likes him, and she hates me.”

“Oh, baby, she doesn’t hate you,” Rhoe insists. “She loves you. So, so much.” He pauses. “She just doesn’t understand why you don’t want the same life she has.” Rhoe sighs. “Believe it or not, this is a fight I’ve had with her many times before. Every time she enrolled you in etiquette classes or ballroom dance lessons or cotillion…” He sighs.

“Aedion was just so eager to fit in,” he continues. “He wanted to follow in the Ashryver footsteps. To join the business. But you have never wanted that.” Rhoe laughs, recalling a memory. “I remember the first time you came home from your etiquette classes. You pulled those little white gloves off your hand and said ‘YUCK’ so loud. You were disgusted by the fact that you had to touch some little boy’s hand.”

Aelin remembers those lessons. The girls stood in a circle on the inside, while the boys stood in a circle on the outside, facing them. They’d learned how to give a proper handshake, and curtsey and bow. She was only nine. She had hated every second of it. The dance lessons were even worse.

“They were sweaty,” Aelin chokes out, and her dad smiles sadly.

“When you started dating Chaol,” he begins again, and Aelin tenses up. She’s not sure she’s ready for the commentary on her five year long failed relationship. “Mom was so excited. Long time friends with the Havillards. In your college class. Destined for business, just like his father. But, you never quite fit with him. And I watched you try and change yourself, contort yourself to be the partner Chaol wanted. And we all saw your light dim.”

Aelin doesn’t bother swiping her tears as her father talks. They run in steady streams down her cheeks and down her chin, dripping onto the table.

“But since you’ve been free of him, you have bloomed again. You have been glowing this entire summer, and I’m sorry your mother hasn’t seen it.” He looks her straight in the eye. “But I do.”

Aelin sniffles loudly. The waiter places their sandwiches in front of them, looking terrified at the scene in front of him, so Aelin waves him off, assuring him she’s fine.

“So, you’re not going to sell me off to the highest bidder just because I don’t know what I want to do with my life yet?” she asks.

“All we want you to do with your life is be happy,” Rhoe says and takes a large bite of his sandwich. “Whatever that means to you.”

“What if what makes me happy doesn’t live up to her expectations?” Aelin fiddles with her napkin.

“We’ll deal with that when we get to that,” Rhoe says, patting Aelin’s hand comfortingly. “So, will you please come back home?” he asks, and Aelin nods.

“On one condition,” she says, and Rhoe clasps his hands, waiting patiently for her to continue. “I want to go on the staff overnight next weekend.” She clears her throat. “Elide has been talking about it for years. That it’s her favorite weekend of the summer, and I’m friends with all of them anyway, and I want to go.”

Rhoe chuckles. “That’s the condition? Not… an apology from your mother?”

Aelin shrugs. “I only want her apology if she means it.”

“Fine,” Rhoe replies. “I’ll have your mom talk to Lorcan about adding you to the list of attendees.” He pauses. “You know there’s a ropes course, right? And hiking?” Aelin nods. “It’s just… you’re not much of an outdoor girl, honey.”

Aelin frowns. Her father’s right, she’s not much for hiking and trust activities, but she doesn’t want to lose a whole weekend with Rowan either. Not with so little of the summer left.

“I’m going.”

He holds up his hands in defeat. “Your condition is accepted.”

The pair finish their sandwiches in relative silence, which is good because Aelin can’t begin to process everything her dad just said to her. She feels somewhat reassured, but she can’t stop hearing her mother’s shrill voice repeating, “You have been a waste of my time and money!” over and over in her head. And she knows without a doubt if she really told her mom what was making her happy this summer, she’d be saying much, much worse.

Her dad is right – she has never wanted to be part of the family business, nor has she wanted to be married off and slip into high society life. And those are the only paths her mom views as viable.

Aelin can’t allow herself the privilege of thinking of other possible paths. Other paths with other people. She has no idea what that life might look like, but she knows it’s not allowed for her. If she even barely contemplates the possibility of that future, she knows she will be crushed when she can’t have it. Her chest tugs, wanting her to open that box, and see what that option holds for her, as dead ended as it might be. But she ignores it.

This is nothing more than a summer fling, she reminds herself. When she gets back to Adarlan, she’ll recalibrate and figure out what her life’s purpose is. But for the next few weeks, she’s sticking with what makes her happy. Here. In Terrasen.

She pulls out her phone and texts Rowan:

My dad was pretty convincing. I’m headed back home tonight.

I’ll leave the window unlocked for you ;)

“Everything alright?” Rhoe asks, wiping the crumbs from his mouth.

“Yup,” Aelin assures him, far too brightly. It is. At least, for now.

~*~*~*~*~

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[dandivinity]

Madokannon: Religious Symbolism in Madoka Magica

If there’s one word I’d use to describe the show, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica, it would be deceptive. If you’re wondering how a cute Sailor Moon rip-off with even brighter colors and a moe art-style is deceptive, congrats, you fell for the deception. As the series continues, it becomes clear that the show is not a cut-and-dry monster of the week where good always triumphs. Rather it is a pastel-colored Faustian bargain where even the best intentions can lead to dire consequences. In the end it is only through the titular characters unshakeable hope and faith and no small amount of divine intervention that the series reaches it’s bitter sweet conclusion. This is obvious upon a first viewing. What is less obvious is the nature that this divine intervention takes. While the show occasionally makes direct connections to Christianity, It seems to me that the theology implemented is Buddhist through and through complete with Four noble truths, samsara, vile rebirth, and an allegory of the bodhisattva Kannon. 

Let’s start with the basis of the show, the wishes. This is one of Madoka’s most prominent aspects and the largest concern from the beginning of the series before the villain’s true underpinnings are revealed. For those of you not familiar, 1). Why are you reading this? And 2). The set-up of the Madoka,  like most magical girl anime, involves a cute animal mascot offering the girls magical powers in order to fight monsters. What makes this set up unique however is that the oh so cute cat-bunny-thing known as Kyubey also offers the girls one wish as an incentive so that they would accept it’s “contract”. Now the use of the word “contract” is an obvious red flag meant to alert us to the Faustian nature of the deal. And yes, the agreement comes with several hidden clauses that Kyubey conveniently leaves out such as the fact that becoming a magical girl involves having your soul removed from your body and placed into a gem because it’s “easier to protect”. But Kyubey’s not exactly stealing it like a Christian devil would. More importantly than the hidden clauses though, is the wishes themselves.

Now stories of the devil tempting people with promises of wealth or power are quite common in Western literature, as are tales of djinn or monkey paws providing wishes that always go wrong in Near Eastern lit. But what’s extraordinary about Madoka is that for the most part the wishes the girls grant are simple in nature and rather generous. Our main focus point, and the only wish we see pursued from beginning to end in chronological order is that of Sayaka Miki. Sayaka is established to be crushing on a boy who was a former violin prodigy before a car accident left him paralyzed with no hope of playing ever again. Sayaka wishes for him to be healed, and just like that, it’s done. 

The boy does not relapse, nor does he lead into another accident. He simply starts a miraculous yet slow path to recovery, until the series finale where he is shown without crutches and playing beautifully for a wide audience. The problem? Well as pointed out before Sayaka even makes the wish, she’s wasn’t actually doing it for him: she was on an unconscious level hoping that he’d be forever grateful to her. Does she hold this over him? No. Does he reject her? No. She simply doesn’t ask. Sayaka is too busy with her new responsibilities and ashamed of what she has become to ask. 

And frankly the importance of Kyosuke in Sayaka’s fall is largely overstated by the fanbase. Yes, he’s a large factor but even more so than wanting to heal him or his gratitude, Sayaka wants to be a hero. This is heightened when their magical mentor dies within the first three episodes. Sayaka now feels like it’s her responsibility to protect her city as no one else will. Unfortunately, she’s simply not as strong as her former mentor or the new morally unsound magical girls that seeks to dispose of her (both Kyoko and Homura). This is really what leads to Sayaka’s downward spiral as she comments, “The world doesn’t need a magical girl who can’t even kill a witch”. Sayaka wants to be a hero, and she wants to get the guy and she gets neither. Her desires, both fulfilled and unfulfilled, all lead to her suffering. This is the First Noble Truth of Buddhism. 

I realize this isn’t the most convincing argument on its own but let’s zoom out a bit here. What is desire if not earthly attachments? Attachment and inability to let go of attachment is a concept found in nearly all the wishes in the show. It doesn’t matter if it’s Sayaka’s wishing for her friend’s health, Mami literally trying to cling to life, or Kyoko (in the most directly religious moment in the show) wishing that people would come to her father’s sermons so that her family could have enough to eat. All of these desires are moral in some way and yet they are still desires. More importantly, they all involve a longing for what once was, and are attempts to return things to how they were rather than moving on. This inability to let go is characterized not just in the wishes but in the reason they’re implemented in the first place. 

When Kyubey finally explains why they knowingly cause suffering to countless adolescent girls throughout time, they explain it’s to harvest enough renewable energy from the emotions of magical girls to stave off the entropy of the universe. The whole process is rather convoluted and -let’s face it- an excuse to deconstruct magical girl tropes, but that doesn’t change the fact that preventing the heat death of the universe is still Kyubey’s number one goal. That combined with their inability to truly understand the suffering they’re causing has caused some of the community to question their villain status or at least say they’re a villain with a just cause. And while postponing the heat death of the universe may be noble in the long run, it is a literal fight against the impermanence of the universe. A fight that we know from Buddhism is doomed to only lead to personal trauma in the face of inevitability of a changing world. But it is this fight against impermanence that kyubey embodies so well, and one that is baked into the wish-based magical girl system they run. 

Ok, enough beating around the bush. It’s time to talk about Homura. After spending most of the show as a mysterious red-herring villain that knows far too much, Homura finally gets an episode dedicated to her near the end of the show where it’s revealed she’s a time traveller who restarted the timeline over and over again in order to make her wish come true; to be able to save Madoka. Specifically  Homura has to replay the same month over and over again until she can succeed in saving Madoka’s life and cannot escape until this goal is reached.  This obsession leads to a very literal samsara, by repeating the timeline again and again Homura is actively choosing to trap herself in endless cycles of suffering, death, and rebirth all because of her attachment to the mortal world. Through this process we can see Homura fall apart becoming more and more monstrous in her single-minded focus to save Madoka at the expense of everything else. By the time she arrives at our main timeline that the rest of the show takes place in, Homura is comparable to a hungry ghost. She’s directly accused of walking through the world as if dead, unable to feel anything except for the desire that damned her in the first place, her obsession with Madoka. When even this too seems lost, she nearly becomes a witch. 

In Mahayana Buddhism, rebirth on earth is not the worst thing that can happen after one’s death. If one leads a sufficiently desperate life they can be reborn as an animal, hungry ghost, or in hell. This is where Madoka’s witches come from. Perhaps the most tragic twist in Madoka Magica is that if a magical girl falls into despair (usually due to her wish’s inability to make her happy), her soul gem will transform into a grief seed which then becomes one of the monsters they fight. These nightmare collage monsters have new names separate from their old identities and live in pocket dimensions where they lure people in. These pocket dimensions often in someway manifests the desires of their old lives being filled with sweets, TVs, or (in Sayaka’s case) violinists. Interestingly, when Sayaka first dies and is reborn as the witch Octavia in a train station, her labyrinth is also full of railroad tracks. She relocates to a concert hall and the labyrinth follows suit, but train wheels remain despite having no apparent bearing on her previous life. This could be a reference to Buddhist beliefs about your final thoughts and which direction you look when you die having bearing on which realm you’ll be reborn into. 

Homura’s obsession in contrasted by Madoka’s ability to let go. Madoka’s final wish and subsequent ascension has often been compared to Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, and rightfully so. Madoka’s wish to become a cosmic force that can take on all the despair of magical girls before they become witches at the cost of her own mortal life has many strong parallels to Jesus suffering on the cross to redeem humanity. However that idea only works if Jesus is suffering. Madoka is stated to be taking the grief of every magical girl who ever became a witch onto herself and we even see a far future version of her becoming a witch large enough to destroy the world. But before it does it is shot down by another version of a truly ascended Madoka in a white dress. This version states paradoxically that since her wish applies to all magical girls that would become witches, that includes herself. The fluidity of time and direct denial of the necessity of suffering or sacrifice are at odds with Orthodox Chriastianity, or at least its perception of Jesus. Rather I argue that the way Madoka saves all the magical girls, her subsequent erasure from existence, and even such mundane symbols such as the white dress all link her closer to the Bodhisattva, Kannon. 

Let’s take a closer look at the scene where we see Madoka actually ascends and manifests to relieve the potential witches of their grief. We see Madoka split herself into thousands shafts of light, all of which appear above different suffering magical girls in different places and time periods. And above all of them Madoka appears, she touches their corrupted soul gems which are then purified before shattering, allowing the magical girls to die in peace. A rather sad ending, but one that’s better than rebirth as a witch, which we already identified as equivalent to the hell realm. So while it is unclear where the magical girls are going to go after they die (or even if they go anywhere at all as we just saw the gems holding their souls shatter, possibly destroying them), we can know that Madoka is saving them from a worse rebirth. This directly parallels miracle tales that surround the Bodhisattva Kannon, especially in her Chinese incarnation as the white-robed Guanyin. 

Kannon is the primary example of Bodhisattva or one who has put off Budhahood to aid those still on earth. Kannon in particular swears to never ascend until all living things have been freed of samsara. She’s often depicted as having 11 heads and a thousand arms to better reach all those suffering in the world at once, like how Madoka splits herself into a myriad of forms. Many of these tales have devotees of Guanyin spared from tragic fates such as beheadings or shipwrecks. However a few, adapt these stories to instead refer to a more metaphorical salvation, especially in the pure land tradition popular in Japan which then says that anyone who calls out to Kannon on the verge of their death will be still die and be reborn to the pure land rather than wherever else they were supposed to reincarnate. Madoka’s god form even highly resembles the Chinese incarnation, Guanyin. Wikipedia states, “Guanyin is generally portrayed as a young woman wearing a flowing white robe, and usually also necklaces symbolic of Indian or Chinese royalty. In her left hand is a jar containing pure water, and the right holds a willow branch.” While we never see Madoka with any water; the flowing white dress, red gems along her collar bone, and branch-like bow (though on that seems to be more of a sakura branch) all bring to mind Guanyin.

Finally Madoka’s ascension ends with her body dissolving into glimmers of light as she explains how no one will remember her, but she’ll still be there. This dissolution of the her spiritual body is a visual symbol of ego-death. Madoka recreates a word where she does not exist, and had never existed, yet still manifests as a concept and virtuous force that leads others to salvation rather than as a sentient entity. This is the Nirvana. Madoka hadn’t just ascended to godhood, she had surpassed it and achieved nothingness, as her buddha nature radiates throughout the world, ultimately changing it into something better. This is the paradox of Buddhism and the goal of any buddhist practitioner, to achieve an inner peace so strong you become a part of the universe like madoka had. And the new world she created was better for it. 

That is at least until the show decided to  make a movie sequel and trick madoka into descending. At that point she stops acting as a Buddha and instead as Pistis Sophia in line with the obscure belief system of 2nd century Gnostics. But that will be a conversation for another time. 

[current-interest-writings]

Caring and Kind

Mando x Reader ( baby Yoda of course!!)

summary: Mando and the reader have known each other for a while when Mando steals back his bounty the reader is by his side to help.

Readers Pov

I could see the fire and hear the fight from outside of my door... what on earth would they be fighting over now? I get up from my chair in the corner with my blaster in my hand. when I look out the window I see Mando fighting the guild and protecting what looks like a child? I quickly decide that I know how I can help I run out my back door and the place the Mandalorians stay hidden...

when I walk in it is dark and dusty but the flames bounce light off the helmets of the Mandalorians. one spots me and stands “ what are you doing here!” he points his blaster and i choose to raise my hands and state my business “ one of your own if fighting the guild he is by himself and it appears to be a losing fight. I figured you may want to help your fellow Mandalorian.” they all stood quickly some giving me nods as if they are grateful for what I have done. the one who held the blaster to me put it down and left with the others while some appeared to stay behind and pack things up.

instead of thinking on it longer you ran after them to your home to pack some of your clothes and things you would need. you lift a floorboard and pull out credits that would last you more than enough for one lifetime. you bag those and grab your clothes, food, necessities, and medical equipment. then you ran to the razorcrest and threw it all on board, you have known mando long enough to know how to get to it and where to set your things. you can hear running footsteps of someone dressed in heavy armor. you turn quickly to see Mando looking at you and holding the child “ are you going to get in and get the child to safety or not?” he looked at you and you looked behind him to see the last person you wanted to. “ hand over the child” and before you could think mando had shot him and closed the hatch. 

he nudged his head towards the cockpit and you followed him. he set the child down and you got a really good look at him. he was green!! not human but definitely something. he was sickly green didn't look too healthy he is small with big ears. he looked cute even when he was sick.

and you could see why Mando had gone back for him. you weren't a moron to think that fight was over nothing you figured it out quickly when you saw the fight for the child.

you were staring so intently at the child that you had not noticed that you had taken off till you heard the slightly robotic voice “ why are you here?” you looked at the back of his shiny new helmet “ because I could see from my house what was happening and I couldn't let you do it alone. you're welcome for the help.” you looked out the window to see the Mandalorian who pointed his blaster at you salute at mondo. “I need to get one of those. and you shouldn't be here. you just put yourself in a lot of danger.”

you laughed a little “I lived on a planet full of bounty hunters, I was always in danger and I'm not leaving. you're going to need my help with the little one” you could hear the small sigh of you being right.

you looked at the sweet-faced little baby that had caused all this trouble “ do you know what he is, his age or anything?” all you got back was “ he's 50 years old” you had to blink twice. this little baby is 50! well, every species is different. you gently picked up this little baby and he slowly opened his eyes to the biggest brown eyes you have ever seen! you rubbed his little forehead.

he made a little cooing sound and fell right back asleep in your arms for the rest of this ride.

______________time skip__________________

a few stops on some not so friendly planets for food. and you find you have landed on Sorgan. Mando tells the baby to stay while you two will do a perimeter search of the grounds.

but after being around them you saw how much the child had bonded to Mando and even to you. if you and Mando left the child had to come with as well it was cute. he was never too far behind from either of you.

as you and Mando walked you carried the child, Mando is the better fighter and you have better aim. as you walked you found this small welcoming village. they were willing to offer you shelter all they had was a barn. it was more than enough for Mando, The Child, and You.

Mando had gone to do another search around the are and you watched the child. Mando had told you of the time he had eaten a frog whole. you felt gross thinking about how one could swallow a frog whole but remembered he isn't human. you looked at that adorable face when you heard steps outside the barn and grabbed a blaster. You shielded the child with your body when you saw the young widow and her daughter. “we have brought food for your friend we had noticed he didn't eat out there with the others”

you gave her a small smile your body still shielding the child “ thank you that is very kind of you to do that.” she smiled at you and set down the tray. “can i play with him” you look from the widow to the daughter and you gave her another small smile “ sure” you picked the child up out of the crib.

the baby looked fairly confused but he ran after the young girl. You smiled looking at him being happy to play. Until you’re snapped out of it “ does your friend ever take it off” you shook your head no at her �� it’s his religion, no one has seen his face.” She looked shocked but left.

———————————-time skip—————————-

You watched them train the others to fight, cara fairly nice considered what she used to do.

You were happy to help but your days of training other were over, you didn’t need to do it anymore you got out of that life.

The villagers got one quick. You knew what an atst could do and you were still worried about what would happen to them.

Days have passed and you and dyn haven’t had a moment to talk but him and omera has been spending lots of time together. You were woman enough to admit you are jealous.

But what really set you off was right before the fight he handed the child to omera and not to you the child squealed and it wasn’t out of glee or happiness. He was scared and his little head was moving around almost like he was looking for you...

You heard steps behind you and it was cara she put her hand on her shoulder “ he will learn” you knew what she was talking about. But you doubted it.

Mando looked at you and seemed to be walking towards you and you walked the other way, you knew it was petty. But you are hurt.

Mando POV

Why was she walking away from me? I wanted to talk to her we haven’t talked much these few weeks and I miss her babbling about her day or her favorite thing then it hit me.... I love her. From the day she got on the crest she and I created a bond that cannot be broken.... I needed her

Reader POV

We all prepared behind the barrier getting ready to fight I held a blaster getting ready for it. When you something shiny running in your direction. You realized it was mando and you all hid and you saw the giant ATST walking towards the trap you have set but it paused and the full blown invasion began. It all zoomed past you as you began to fight. Near the end you were struck by one of the invaders a and it hurt in your mid and you dropped. Everything is bleary and you black out.

Mando POV

I saw her drop and and I raged harder than ever I jumped out of the water and ran and killed who had harmed her. I ran and grabbed her to take her to the medical building they had set up.

I was panicking what would I do if she was gone?how would the kid get along? How would I survive knowing I could’ve done something?

I watched the nurses work on her when I felt a hand on my shoulder it was omera the last woman I wanted to see. It wasn’t her fault it was my own I negelegted the woman I loved.

When they finished working on her I helped move her to the barn we are staying in to rest. The child was brought to us. He immediately moved towards (y/n) I tried to keep him away from her but I ultimately failed. He plopped himself on the floor right next to her and just laid there.

It feels like it’s been forever since she was awake. I miss her, the baby only moved to eat and even then he barely moved. Other than that. I kept taking my helmet off just to look at her with a better view but I knew the moment she woke up it would have to go back on.

Her breathing was steady at least. The child moved almost as if to lay on her chest and I went to move him when I saw her hand twitch and I grabbed my helmet..

Reader POV

I slowly opened my eyes and felt a weight on my chest and looked to see the baby. He gave a squeal of delight, and you chuckled “well hello” your voice rough from lack of use.

You began to look around the room for Dyn. But he was already walking towards you with water in hand. You let out a smile. Then you heard his voice “ how are you feeling? Are you hungry? You’ve been out for about a week.” You were hungry and you felt fine. “ I feel fine, do we have any food?”

He nodded and got up quickly. You’ve never seen him move so fast.

You looked at the baby and he just stared at you with a small smile. And you smiled back.

You couldn’t imagine a life without this little guy. You could hear Dyn walking back in and you looked up at him. And you could see the baby so happy to see him. And even more happy to see the water and food in his hand.

He handed it to you and you began to devour the food. You were starving, you heard what you thought was a chuckle but shook it off.

When you were done you looked at the baby in your lap and then at Dyn. “ what has happened since I was out?” You could feel him looking at you “ the villagers rebuilt what ever was destroyed. And it’s been silent.” You nodded and looked back at him “ where’s cara?” He looked at you then someone knocked on the door.

You see cara and she doesn’t look to happy. But smiles when she sees you “ you guys cannot stay longer it’s not safe.” Before you asked why she threw a tracking fob on the ground.

It was for the child and you knew that. You sighed looking down at the young child. You knew you would leave soon. “ we will get packed up, thank you cara for everything” you looked at her. You were grateful for her and all her help. And she looked at mando as if to ask if I’m okay.

Soon after you began to pack. You all loaded onto the cart and the hardest part was the child, he was soo sad to say goodbye to his new found friends

It hurt your heart as he made a sound as you drove back to the crest. You could see mando lean back and the baby followed suit.

Then you just waited to get back to the crest to keep fighting to see another day... another day to live and fight... a day to keep your small family together.

You thought mando was asleep and you said “ why did I have to fall for a man in a mask. I choose to love him even when many say not too.”

Then you saw his head move “ the masked man loves you too”. You chuckled and moved towards him to rest against him and you felt him freeze then relax and wrap an arm around you.

You were home as along as it was the three of you.

[derpcakes]

So we watched (nay, Experienced) the BBC/Netflix Dracula series

Brought to us by everyone’s favourite team, Steve Moff and Mark Gatiss, promising to be an innovative and exciting new vision of the classic novel

Boy it was definitely something!!!

First I will say: obviously Moff is not my favourite TV writer and my fam and I did go into this with a bias. I’m happy to report, though, that it’s going to be one of these shows that haunts me forever, because if it had just been bad I could have said “bleh” and deleted it from my brain. But because parts of this were genuinely cool, interesting, and fun, and parts of it genuinely had potential, all the bits that were bad stand out as so much worse and the whole thing feels as cursed as a 500 year old undead count. 

Things that were enjoyable and well put-together:

Van Helsing has been gender-swapped into a vampire-hunting nun and her cat-and-mouse game with Dracula is rife with belligerent sexual tension. I was ready to hate this, and ready for like, Sherlock and Irene Adler 2.0, but their dynamic was actually pretty fun to watch! Their power balance is kept even throughout most of the show, and Helsing is never struck down because of ~womanly failings~ or infantilised. She’s consistently really clever and, even if there are some cringey one-liners, I found her and Draccy’s playful quest to murder each other one of the most fun parts of the show. It could’ve been better, but it was enjoyable! (I also like how Helsing isn’t Young and Hot, but is a capable older lady, and her actor and Draccy’s even seem about the same age. Amazing)

The second episode is a spooky murder mystery/horror mini-movie on a ship, with a cast full of interesting characters who all had different things going on and different relationship dynamics that were compelling to watch. There’s even an interracial gay couple! And they’re like, written pretty sympathetically and to be layered and flawed in ways that didn’t feel too stereotypical! And they don’t die first!! Wack! I understand the bar is on the ground, but it’s still worth a mention

Some fun with vampire lore: Draccy absorbs knowledge and traits from people he drinks blood from (which is how he learns languages. Get Duolingo, dude, stop eating people), leading to the intriguing suggestion that myths like “vampires will die in sunlight” and “vampires are afraid of holy symbols” have kinda become real to him even if they don’t literally work, because he’s swallowed so many people to whom these superstitions and beliefs were law. I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has been done, but groundbreaking or no it was kinda neat

Things that were not enjoyable and well put-together:

EVERYTHING ELSE

Episode 1: a weird speedrun of most of the original novel, feat. weaponised nuns and a weird fixation on whether or not Jonathan Harker and Draccy boned. They did not. Dracula pops out of the body of a wolf and he’s Whole Ass Naked. Him and Van Helsing have a power play where she stands just on the threshold of a convent and calls him a little bitch, knowing he can’t come and get her. A knife is licked. 

Episode 2: aforementioned cool ship horror story. Definitely the best ep. It really makes me think about hbomb’s critique that Moff is pretty good at doing standalone stories (and pilots), but when things are tied into a bigger narrative things get zonkers. 

Episode 3: Things Get Zonkers!!

Let me just. Okay. I have the most to say about this one because this is where things really got batshit. And yet, also really boring? How does that figure? Anyway:

Dracula emerges from under the sea and finds that 123 years have passed and he’s now the star of a Modern AU. Upon setting foot on British sand he is immediately accosted by what appears to be an anti-vampire task force. There’s a helicopter. It is later explained how they knew to pounce on him at this exact moment, but holy god it was wild to watch the entire British Secret Service descend on this one wet bastard in a suit

The editing shifts aggressively in the direction of Sherlock. Mark Gattis is there playing an amazingly annoying character. There’s a fuckign.... Underground Secret Society devoted to studying vampires and they put Drac in a Designated Glass Prison for Smug Geniuses (also as seen in Sherlock). Van Helsing is dead but her great-great-grand-niece is played by the same actress and. Okay. Van Helsing, vampire hunting nun, possesses her descendent and rises through the ether to roast Drac one last time, and he’s DELIGHTED TO SEE HER AGAIN. 

And she has cancer, right, so her blood is poisonous when Draccy tries to bite her, but in the end, right, the end of the episode, right, the final shots of the show, he comes to a place where he’s willing to die, and she’s already dying, and so he drinks her blood and they die together on a table while cinematic metaphor vision shows them having sex in the middle of the sun

There was a badly CGI-ed vampire baby. Jonathan Harker falls from a tower and a scene later they flash back to this event by reversing the footage of him falling down, meaning we just see him go VWOOP up through the air, bouncing off the wall on the way. Van Helsing says the words “come boy, suckle” when she’s goading Drac into drinking her blood. The show sits in a weird middle ground where the characters talk about sex a lot (”dID yOu HaVe sExUaL iNterCOURSE with COUNT DRACULA?”) and Drac is clearly meant to be super magnetic and sexy but the characterisation and cinematography is not horny at all. People have these sexy-type dreams of their lover of choice when Drac is drinking their blood but even those are very boring and weirdly chaste, except of course for the final one where, if I  can take the chance to remind you, Van Helsing and Dracula have symbolic Mind Palace sex inside the centre of the solar system

I can’t speak too much on its quality as an adaptation since I actually haven’t read the book, but splitting the story so that some characters (the Harkers, Van Helsing) existed in the time the story is set, and some (Lucy, Dr Seward) exist in The Modern AU felt very strange. Was there any reason to set the third episode in modern times, apart from the fact that I guess they wanted to do their Sherlock thing again? Or, perhaps, because they wanted to do their Jekyll thing again?? Oh my god, that’s what the editing reminds me of - the small clips of Jekyll I’ve seen. The zooming. The slow-mo. The emphasis on The Monster Man’s weird goddamn teeth

(Also, I don’t really feel qualified to dig too deep into it, but I will say there felt something a bit uncomfortable about Lucy being black in this version, while also being written to be very promiscuous and vain. idk. Also, since it happened in an ep of Sherlock as well, “weedy white Nice Boy rescues the Very Cool woman of colour he has a tragically unrequited crush on” is now an official Moffattis trope)

Count Moffatula is an experience. Its pacing is buck wild. The speeding through the original plot and the mish-mashing of elements in the Modern AU section feels like another expression of contempt for the source material on Moff’s part. Someone says “reality is overrated” in a show set in the 1890s. Draccy quotes a Beatles song. He also makes quippy allusions to having eaten various famous figures and basically winks at the camera every time. Granted, this wasn’t as obnoxious as I was maybe expecting, but there are still too many lines of dialogue where you think “oh, the writers high-fived each other after they wrote that one, huh”. The fact that Moff has such vitriol against fan fic writers is more and more grating every day because this is so, so clearly a zany-ass fanfic that he happens to be getting paid for. The costumes are nowhere near as nice as they could have been, and Dracula’s cape looks like his mum made it for him for the school play in which he is playing Dracula. 

This show is So Much. Watch it to share in this fever dream. Or don’t, and save approximately 5 hours of your life. God. 5 hours. Who was I before Count Maffatula. Who am I now. Why was his cape so bloody ugly. Why did they bone in the centre of the sun

[hitchell-mope]

(First film. Prologue. Instead of an iPad activated by Mal, Jay is in a white void room dressed for the coronation his hands are glowing brightest gold with magic)

Jay: once upon a time, well, two decades ago. The town loony’s daughter. Married the accursed beast. Of course he wasn’t a beast when they tied the knot (his magic creates images of the story as he tells it) true loves kiss solves everything. They had no honeymoon. Instead. Adam brought the kingdoms together and became the king of the United States of Auradon. And guess what he did? (Chuckles darkly) the overly shaved bastard pooled together his resources and magic. And engaged in necromancy, bringing back all the villains (passing by a line of said villains) you know the usual suspects, crown head, dragon lady, the psychotic furrier and my father. The mad genie. (He pauses in front of Jafar’s frozen form). Along with many many others who died in their stories. The “heroes”, for want of a better word, brought them all back. Along with the sidekicks and basically anyone who didntbfir in their perfect widdle bubble. To add insult to injury. The barrier they put up around the prison prevented them leaving even though the god of the dead were among the throngs punished. Can’t get out with out the fairy godmothers wand you see. There’s also no WiFi. So the days and nights are positively tedious. So it left them with nothing to do but procreate. How did they think villains would tear their own offspring when they’ve tried to murder innocents on multiple occasions. Needless to say their absolutely shit as parents. So we try to stay away as much as we can. Form gangs. Safety in numbers. It helps when you can turn some creepy old man who’s looking at your friend inside out with a snap of your fingers. You’ll meet more of us soon. But for now (he walks up to Ben’s portrait) you get to see the oh so handsome prince fight on our behalf against his nimrod of a father to give us basic human rights. See you soon

(His body glows completely gold and he disappears in a flash of light. Ben’s portrait is zoomed in on and changes to him rushing down a hallway with Doug)

Ben: oh darn we’re late

Doug: it’s alright. It’s not like they can start the meeting without you. You did call it after all

Ben: good point. Ohhhh if this doesn’t work I swear I’m holing myself up in my room with teenage dirtbag on repeat for a week

Doug: it’ll work

Ben: oh I hope so

(They burst into the meeting room. Several adults turn to look at him. Ben looks like he might pass out)

Ben: heh hhhhhhhhi heh heh

(He falls backwards but Doug catches him)

Doug: sorry about that but it was a long walk

Belle: it’s ok Doug. There was more then enough tea.

Adam: son.

Ben: mom. Pop. Uhhhh

Leah: Benjamin will this take long. I’m sure Audrey is waiting for you

Ben: pardon.

Leah: I’ve set reservations at a What was it Aurora?

Aurora: Burger King mommie. I suggested it.

Leah: why?

Belle (every fibre of her being fighting to not roll her eyes): anyway. Ben. What is it you wanted to talk to us about.

Ben: uh. Heh heh. As you all know I’m going to be king in a few months.

Adam: and we couldn’t be prouder

Leah: Audrey is so looking forward to your coronation then there’s the cotillion and we all know what comes after.

Snow: your majesty’s. Please. Let Ben speak. The poor child looks as though he might faint. Hello Doug dear

Doug: hi aunt Snow.

Snow: carry on Ben dear

Ben (slightly less nervous now): thank you your highness. As I was saying. I’m going to be king in a few months and I needed to decide on my first proclamation. And I’ve finally thought of one-hang on. Where are mr and Mrs Dearly

Beast: who?

Snow: the ones with all the delightful doggies

Leah: mutts. They are mutts. Who need to be shot

Aurora: I’m sorry for her. She’s recently been taken ill and hasn’t been quite the same since

Belle: she broke a leg coming back from a hunting trip. That is no excuse for her god awful behaviour

Leah: whatever do you mean?

Belle: I’d tell you. But then we’d be here forever

(Ben stays standing there unsure of what to do)

Doug: I think it may be time for Ben to say his piece yes?

Belle, Aurora and Snow: yes.

Doug: thank you. Carry on Ben

Adam: why are you here.

Doug: pardon?

Leah: yes Adam. I would like to know as well. Why are you here. Whoever you are

Doug: ah ha ooh boy. I’m Doug. Ben’s future major-domo. I’ve been in his class since pre-K.

(Leah just stares blankly at him)

Doug (long suffering sigh): my father is dopey the dwarf. Diamond miner. Made Audrey’s tennis bracelet

Leah: oh yes. So why are you in a meeting meant for royalty

Ben: IWANTTOBRINGCHILDRENOVERFROMTHEISLANDOFTHELOST

(All adults are silent. The the Dearly’s burst in)

Anita: we are so sorry we’re late. BB-8 got hold of my patent leather pumps and why does it feel like death warmed up

Belle: Ben. I’m. I’m

Leah: appalled. And so is everyone else. You have have something to do with this don’t you dwarf?

Doug (under his breath): that didn’t take long

Adam: this. Really. This is your first proclamation? Of all things

Leah (damn near hysterical): why not just tax the rich!

Aladdin: oh shut up you old bitch. Go on Ben

Ben: thank you. Al

Leah: you will address the sultan by his proper title you little bollocks

Belle: ok that’s it. Get out you psychotic old biddy

(Leah gasps dramatically)

Belle: Lumiere would you please?

Lumiere: of course ma’am

(He physically drags Leah from the room)

Jasmine: I’m assuming that us being here has something to do with what children you are picking

Ben: I

Doug (not willing to let Ben take the blame if it all goes wrong): we

Ben (immensely grateful): we, thank you Doug, looked through records and dossiers and found the first four, of many, we’d like to bring over.

Belle (encouragingly): go on dear

Ben (more firmly): the children of, Jafar, Cruella De Vil, Queen Grimhilde. And Maleficent

(From the hallway Leah lets out a hysterical screech. Belle throws a stress ball at the door to shut her up. The rest remain silent)

Roger: they, they uh. Oh my god.

Adam (trying to regain control of the situation): Dearly calm down. It’s not as bad as you believe

Anita (laughing hollowly): not bad. N. Not bad. How can it not be bad. Cruella De Vil has a child!

Aurora: oh those poor dears

Snow: stepmother has a baby? I’m a sister. No. Wait. They wouldn’t be fathers.

Phillip: how old are they.

Adam: it matters not how old they are

Aladdin, Roger and Phillip: THE HELL IT DOESN’T

Phillip: TWENTY YEARS. I SLAYED THE DRAGON. YOU BROUGHT HER BACK. AND NOW WE FIND OUT SHE HAS A CHILD. Oh my god!

Snow: I feel sick.

Adam: now look what you’ve done Ben.

Aurora: Ben didn’t engage in necromancy and bring people who have hurt us back from the dead, dump them on an island that we can all see from our windows. And leave them to raise children. I for one commend him on wanting to try and do what’s right by those that we have left to squander.

Ben: thank you Aurora

Belle: when do you plan on bringing them over dear?

Ben: about that.

(Aladdin laughs. Well. Cackles is more like it)

Jasmine: today?

Ben: yes. At least. I hope so.

Anita: pardon dear?

Doug: we don’t know what their parents are like. If they are like the sultan and her husband or if they are like

Phillip (looking directly at Adam): I completely understand. It’s just

Aurora: we’re going on vacation to Malta. Right after this meeting in fact. So

Ben: no matter how much you want to meet Maleficent’s child. You can’t.

Aurora: if it helps. Audrey will be here I’m sure she’ll support you in your des... (Belle gives her a withering stare) yeah I know.

Ben: I told her last month, when I came up with the idea in fact

Phillip: and

Ben: she laughed me off. Then made me take her shopping.

Doug: if it helps Lonnie Jane fairy godmother and I are 100% behind him king Phillip

Phillip: it does actually Doug. Thank you

Ben: dad. Just hear me out. Every time I look out there over the water I feel like we abandoned them.

Adam: then close the drapes

Leah (from the hallway): hear hear

Belle: SHUDDIT

Aladdin: I for one love the idea. I look forward to meeting them.

Ben: thank you sir

Belle: when do we expect them

Ben: this afternoon. Hopefully.

Belle: and I’m assuming you’ve had this set up for a while

Doug: fairy godmother had helps us get everything ready.

Belle: that’s good. I suggest we adjourn this meeting so Ben can put the finishing touches on the task.

(Everyone leaves the room. Ben and Doug stay behind with Belle)

Ben: thanks mom

Doug: thank you your majesty

Belle: you’re welcome boys. Remember. My door is always open

(All three leave and go their separate ways. The boys head to Ben’s room where two girls are waiting)

Lonnie: well?

Ben: mom’s on board

Lonnie: and your dad?

Doug: who gives a shit what he thinks?

Lonnie: true.

Ben: thank you. All three of you. I couldn’t have done it without you all

Jane: you didn’t need me.

Ben: I did. Your my friends. I can hardly do anything without you guys

Lonnie: well there are a couple of things you need to do with our us. Exams for instance

Doug: thank god you said exams

Jane: uh oh

Ben: what?

Jane: 3...2...1...

(Another girl throws open the door and walks in like she owns the place)

Doug (aside to Jane): you have to teach me that

Jane: it’s magic. You can’t learn it. I don’t even want it.

Audrey: of course you don’t

[bwatkinsphoto]

Anyone that knows me, knows that it’s no secret that I love Katy Perry.

When her tour was announced, she wasn’t coming to North Carolina. That honestly didn’t surprise me as we usually don’t get big acts to perform here. I acted fast and figured out that I would be able to see her in Atlanta nearly 7 months away from the date I purchased tickets.

Fast forward a month or so later and Katy had announced a Charlotte date. I was ecstatic! The concert would take place the week of my birthday and I was going to take one of my best friends with me to finally experience for herself what I had talked about nonstop. I was able to score dropzone (pit) tickets and had started planning, making sure that I would have the best birthday yet.

...that was until the concert was cancelled because of a scheduling conflict. Cancelled. Not rescheduled. Just cancelled. I was devastated. It may sound silly, but birthdays are not something I look forward to and this one was a BIG birthday. I remember celebrating my 21st with Katy, and thought it was awesome that I was going to be able to celebrate another milestone birthday with her. It was just my luck that this had happened, but fortunately I would still be able to see her in Atlanta.

Two weeks before the show, I entered a contest through her fansite. Entering was easy, all you had to do was leave a comment and from there 5 winners would be picked randomly. Simple as that.

A week before my concert, the winners were to be announced at 10 am. I didn’t receive an email, but it was okay. I had a fair chance just as everyone else did and knew that whether or not I won, I would have the time of my life at her concert.

Four hours went by. I was standing outside with my camera in my hand when suddenly my phone (that was in my back pocket) started to vibrate. I pulled it out and looked down, seeing the email notification. I had won a meet and greet.

My heart dropped to the ground. Was this real life? I couldn’t believe it. I immediately walked back to my house and started checking Twitter to make sure that I had in fact won. I saw that because of two generous Katycats who wanted to spread the love, two more winners were chosen and I just so happened to be lucky enough to be one of the two.

I will be forever grateful for those Katycats, the girls at katycats.com who run the website and organize things like this, and for Katy Perry who wants to meet as many of her fans as she is able to.

I wanted to tell my mom (who I was taking to her first Katy show!) in person but I couldn’t keep the excitement to myself any longer. I told her about 2 hours after I had found out and literally had no idea what to do with myself next.

The week leading up to the concert went by so fast. I stressed nonstop about random things but at one point said “It feels like I’ve already met her so I don’t know why I am so nervous.” - more on this later.

On Tuesday, December 12th, my mom and I loaded up my VW Bug and we were off to Atlanta Georgia. The drive took us almost 4 hours and once arriving at the hotel, the nerves started to flood back. We ordered room service where I picked over my salad and couldn’t eat, because let’s be honest, I hadn’t eaten much in that week leading up to this day. My anxiety was at an all time high.

We went to the arena around 6 pm and picked up our meet and greet wristbands at the box office and instructions on what to do next. We waited with everyone with anticipation to be taken backstage.

The meet and greet room was so welcoming and fun. Pop art on the walls, a candy bar, the Witness album playing on a loop in the background, lip couches and cool furniture, an arcade game, and a photobooth. I met with a bunch of other KCs who also expressed their nervousness and excitement over meeting Katy.

Katy (aka Latey) was running late, but we were informed she was on her way and would be there soon. The minutes building up to her walking in the room felt like an eternity. The group of Katycats stood back at the end of the line, as we were the last to meet her. Katy walked in and the whole room cheered.

I have seen Katy in concert numerous times before, but I had never been in the same room in an intimate setting like this with her. This caused a flood of emotions. I kept thinking how much this woman and her music means to me. She has been a part of my entire adulthood thus far, and has given me so much to look forward to over the years when I felt like giving up. Meeting her was at the top of my bucket list.

It was time for the Katycats to meet her, and none of us wanted to go first. Too many of us wanted to go last. It feels like a blur thinking back to it. I waited my turn and she walked towards me. I had a gift and card for her, and the guys that we all know as “the twins” who conduct the m&gs, said “I’ll take that”, referring to my hands being full. Katy exclaimed, “No, I want it!” and went in for a hug as she held her hands out to take her gifts.

The conversation started out something like this…

“Hi, nice to meet you. What’s your name?” “Hey, I’m Brandy.” “Brandy. Have I met you before?” I shook my head. “No, this is the first time.” “That’s weird because I feel like we’ve met before.” So, remember a few paragraphs ago when I said that it had felt like I had met her before so I wasn’t THAT nervous? How strange is that?!

She was so easy to speak to and listened to every word I said. I gave her an egg plush dog toy for her dog, Nugget, and as she asked what it was, I showed her pictures of my first KP concert. “Shut up! The angel egg.” She then said, “But I didn’t do that here…” and looked confused. I told her, no it was in Charlotte and that I am from North Carolina. I went on to show her more pictures from the concert and she zoomed in on her nails. “I want to see my nails. Those are my Tokyo nails.”

I told her I was a photographer and was so proud of those since I had just started out taking photography seriously. She scrolled through my pictures and I told her that she can see that my photography has improved since then and she agreed saying “You should be proud of these. You have some nice shots here!”

She then opened a small box that I had given her containing a bracelet I had made to commemorate the Witness era. I told her that I made it and make jewelry and she said “Girl, look at you go!”

Time went by so fast. I could’ve talked to her all night if time allowed. She is so down to Earth and nice. We took a few pictures and then she snatched my phone from my hands to take a few selfies. I thanked her and then it was all over. Time to gather my things and go find our seats.

Katy came out on stage about 20 minutes later and as usual, put on an incredible show. She acknowledged me a few times as I stood in the audience watching in awe. (I’ve always said you’ve never really been to a concert until you’ve been to a Katy Perry concert.)

During the acoustic part of the show, she sang both “Wide Awake” and “Thinking of You” as she floats above the audience, getting closer to ones who aren’t seated so close to the stage. After “Thinking of You” ends, she speaks about seeing a shooting star and how you are supposed to make a wish when you see one. She then asks if anyone would like to come on stage and make a wish.

Katy noticed a young boy shying away from all of his friends pointing at him, waving their hands, and jumping up and down while trying to get Katy’s attention. She invited him on stage, and at first I think he was too nervous, so he hesitated. Once he realized the opportunity he was presented with, he took off running towards the stage.

Katy welcomed him with open arms, asking his name and how old he was. She asked Jameson what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said “A superstar, like you.”, which made a smile come upon my face. Katy asked him what his one wish would be and he immediately replied without a pause with “A lot of world peace.” The audience cheered as Katy was taken aback to hear such a request from this young soul.

I later found out more about Jameson which made what Katy did even better. Jameson, 13, has autism. Katy did not know this when inviting him on stage. His mother, Amanda, told me that Jameson has made so much progress through the years from being a shy little boy hiding under a chair during his brother’s pre-k performance to actually going on stage himself, with one of the biggest stars in the word in front of 10,000 people.

You could see the shock, excitement, and happiness on his face and so many people were equally as happy for him that he was chosen to go on stage with Katy.

Whether she realizes it or not, Katy has had a positive impact on many lives. Many know her as a quirky pop queen with positive, upbeat songs with extravagant fashion sense. Katy is so much more than that. I hope she knows how much she is appreciated and loved by her fans. This was by far one of the best days I have ever experienced and I am so thankful for all she does for the ones who support her.

[mp0672harveydonaldson]

Refined Story & Step Outline

Refined Story & Step Outline With the feedback I have been given and with new ideas and places I myself think the project needs revisiting on I have made some revisions to the story and have changed how things will flow in the Comic Book. The first major changed is the refined story which helps clearly show the different acts and arcs found within my narrative. Refined Story Limbo Cleaner is a story set in the world of Limbo which is the place between Heaven and Hell where lost spirits are trapped and restless. The story focuses on Garv who is Limbo’s resident cleaner who is trapped there due to doing bad things in his past life. He does not know what he did other than it was bad and thus with him been trapped he has developed a very pessimistic view on life and his own existence. The other character in this story is Wispy. For a short while in the story Wispy has no name due to been one of the many lost spirits floating around Limbo and unlike Garv cannot remember anything from their past life. Wispy is somewhat naive and projects this out quite ignorantly by thinking there are easy answers and solutions to getting themselves out of Limbo. The two characters clash at first due to how different they are and with Garv simply wanting to get on and finish his work which is cleaning Limbo. The two have a scuffle after Garv explains why he is here and why he has to keep cleaning up spirits. After a failed attempt to clean up Wispy Garv decides to just leave him alone and let him do what he wants. Wispy gets curious to what Garv does after working in which Garv shows him the wall which he sleeps next to. The wall is important as it showcases a tally that Garv adds to every time he clocks out of work. The tally seems to go on endlessly which saddens Garv to the point he wants to be alone as he becomes upset. Wispy tries to cheer Garv up but Garv reacts to Wispy’s positivity in a volatile way and tells Wispy that they are stuck as well and there is no way out other than accepting their fate. Wispy goes away from Garv at his request only to begin his own tally on the wall. Garv sees this and is somewhat touched that someone else is finally going through what he is going through. Garv apologies and accepts the fact that if Wispy wants to look for a way out then they can and Garv will not question it. The resolution of the story is how the two characters come to terms about different things in their lives with Garv becoming slowly more positive and with Wispy becoming more rational and realistic with how to deal with important situations. Another way to look at the story is also how over time they become friends of sorts but also how they learn from each other and apply what they have learnt themselves. Revised Step Outline Page One: 1. Limbo Cleaner - Title shown with establishing shot of Limbo     Showcases the River of Souls which flow through Limbo 2. Garv talking off-screen with the focus been on the Clock In Machine     Garv: Another day... 3. Garv clocking in whilst still talking off-screen     Garv: Another who knows or cares. 4. Garv singing to himself whilst sweeping up some spirits     Garv: Sweeping, Just keep sweeping. 5. Garv hoovering spirits up with his Hoover-Pack     Garv: Cm’on that’s it get in there. 6. Garv attaching his Hoover-Pack to a Pipe System for the spirits to go in     Garv: Phew all finished. Finally. Page Two: 1. Garv looking at his watch after finishing putting spirits in the Pipe System     Garv: Guess I should clock out as usual. 2. Garv moving away from the Pipe System with the focus been on the Pipe 3. Wispy mumbles from inside the Pipe before their reveal     Wispy: Hell..Hello? 4. Wispy pops their head out the Pipe     Wispy: Where am I? Hello?! 5. Wispy gradually leaves the Pipe     Wispy: I think I see someone... 6. Garv going past The River of Souls whilst talking to himself     Garv: Nothing like a stroll past a river of restless souls.     Garv: Really brings the whole place together, heh heh. 7. Garv reacts to Wispy calling to him from a distance     Wispy: Hey!     Garv: Huh? Did I just hear something? 8. Garv shakes it off as nothing and continues onward     Garv: It can’t be. It’s just me here.     Garv: Me and my stupid voice, heh heh. 9. Garv reacts to Wispy shouting by quickly becoming surprised     Wispy: HEY!     Garv: WAH?! Page Three:

1. Garv reaches for his Hoover-Pack for self-defence     Garv: Who goes there?! 2. Garv looking towards where he heard the shouting from     Garv: What ever you are show yourself! 3. Wispy appears and shouts right next to Garv     Wispy: HELLO! 4. Garv is ducking in fear before realising that it was just Wispy     Wispy: Sorry. I did not mean to scare you.     Garv: I’m usually alone so yeah you scared me good. 5. Wispy looking down on The River of Souls     Wispy: What is this place?     Garv: It’s called Limbo. 6. Garv continues talking and answers Wispy’s question     Garv: And I’m called Garv. I’ve clean this place for what feels like an eternity. 7. Wispy is shocked to find themselves in Limbo     Wispy: Me?! Me in Limbo?! That can not be right. 8. Garv is talking to Wispy whilst adjusting his Hoover-Pack     Garv: Nope. It’s Limbo alright. Page Four: 1. Garv pointing to a label on his Hoover-Pack     Garv: See look. Right here. Property of Limbo. 2. Garv talking to Wispy with his hands on sides     Garv: Anyways this has been fun and all but you really need to get going.     Wispy: Get going? Where too? 3. Wispy seems cautious about what Garv is saying     Wispy: Well I am not going back in that pipe if that’s what you are thinking.     Wispy: I am going to find a different way out of here.     Garv: Suit yourself. Just stay and float forever. 4. Garv begins to sort out his Hoover-Pack as if to use it again     Garv: Having a wandering spirit that needs tidying up is nothing new to me. 5. The shot of the panels continues to zoom in as Garv speaks     Garv: Whatever I did in a past life was bad. That’s why I am here. 6. Continued zooming in on Garv     Garv: I have been given this job and have done it for so long... 7. Continued zooming in on Garv     Garv: I don’t even feel real or even alive... Page Five: 1. Garv is still adjusting his Hoover-Pack with Wispy now in the shot     Garv: My lack of conscience in a past life.     Garv: Has cursed me with an endless existence.     Garv: That is all I know and are certain of. 2. Wispy talking to Garv over his shoulder     Wispy: There has to be a way out. I know there is.     Garv: How do you know? You’ve only just got here! 3. Wispy talking to Garv with an arrogant tone     Wispy: Well have you even bothered looking for one? 4. Garv turns away from Wispy     Wispy: With all this time you’ve had you’d think you would of found one...     Wispy: Garv? What’s the matter Garv? 5. Garv quickly turns around with the Hoover-Pack aimed at Wispy 6. Garv hoovering up Wispy with the Hoover-Pack     Wispy: Stop!! What are you doing?!     Garv: Sorry just doing my job. 7. Garv returns to the Pipe System and puts Wispy back inside of it     Garv: There we go. Finally finished. Page Six: 1. Garv looking at the Pipe System     Garv: That should be the end of that spirit. 2. The Pipe begins to swell and shake     Garv: Ermm. That’s not right. 3. The Pipe begins to swell even more and still shakes     Garv: Yeah that is definitely not right. 4. Garv peeks into the Pipe     Garv: What is happening in there? 5. Wispy gets shot out of the Pipe and collides into Garv     Garv: URF!! 6. Garv is dizzy and hurt on the floor whilst Wispy floats over him     Wispy: Well the pipe is not the exit for me then.     Garv: mumble stupid wispy idiot mumble 7. Garv picks himself up whilst Wispy talks to him     Wispy: You call me the idiot yet YOU are the one who got hurt.     Garv: Well despite that I got a name for you now. Wispy.     Wispy: Wispy? Well that’ll have to do for now I guess... Page Seven: 1. Garv looking at Wispy near a Limbo Tree     Garv:  So then what now Wispy?     Wispy: I want to see if there is a way out of here. 2. Wispy floats towards Garv     Wispy: I’d be grateful if you could guided me and not hoovered me.     Garv: Fine... I guess. 3. Above shot of Garv and Wispy    Garv: Here are your choices North East South West.    Garv: Pick one there all the same.    Wispy: Well that’s hardly helpful. 4. Wispy confronts Garv     Garv: Well those are your choices. 5. Garv turns away from Wispy    Garv: Well this has been fun but if you don’t mind I’m gunna clock out.    Wispy: CLOCK OUT? 6. Wispy starts shouting at Garv     Wispy: You’d say you would help and you have done nothing helpful.     Wispy: I need help and your the only one here to help me. Page Eight: 1. Garv clocking out     Garv: Another day done for now... 2. Garv and Wispy walking around a Ruined Wall     Wispy: Do you live behind this wall?     Garv: Yeah I guess you could call it my home. 3. Garv and Wispy going around the corner    Wispy: What’s that on the wall?    Garv: The Tally 4. Long shot of a seemingly endless wall with tally marks on them     Wispy: Tally of what?     Garv: It’s how many days I’ve been here     Wispy: How long does the wall go for?     Garv: Who knows... 5. Close up of Garv and Wispy     Garv: Guess I’ll know eventually. 6. Garv picks up a rock and holds it to the wall 7. Garv starts a new tally with the rock Page Nine: 1. Garv looks down and sighs after drawing a tally mark     Garv: Sigh... 2. Garv goes around the corner of the wall and starts to become upset     Garv: Sniffle... 3. Wispy realises Garv is walked away     Wispy: Garv? Where’d you go? 4. Wispy goes around the corner to find Garv     Wispy: Garv? 5. Garv is holding his hands to his face and is upset    Garv: Go away I don’t want to talk right now.    Wispy: There’ll be a way out Garv. There has to be. 6. Close up of Garv who is annoyed at how Wispy is talking to him     Garv: Don’t you get it you are stuck here for a reason. 7. Garv and Wispy both in scene as Garv shouts as Wispy     Garv: There is no way out of here. Accept it like I have.     Wispy: So..Sorry Garv I was just trying to help. Page Ten: 1. Garv still shouting at Wispy     Garv: So do me a favor and leave me alone again!     Wispy: I’m... I’m sorry Garv. 2. Wispy floats away from Garv     Wispy: I was just trying to help us both.     Garv: Well you can’t! 3. Wispy looks down after seeing something 4. Wispy picks up a rock and draws their own tally 5. Garv sees this and realises that things are not that bad as he once thought 6. Garv confronts Wispy     Garv: Sorry for how I acted. Seeing you start your own tally hit me pretty hard.     Garv: Made me realise things are not that bad I guess when you have                            someone else with you. 7. End Scene with Garv and Wispy     Garv: I might not think there is a way out for me but I’ll watch if you wanna try               and get yourself out of here.     Wispy: Thanks Garv. I’m sure we will find something together.     Garv: Me too Wispy. Me too. Audience

The audience for this Comic Book I would say is Teenagers to Young Adults. The story hides underneath a cutesy style which throws people off and can create some interesting plot twists to those who don’t expect them from how the Comic looks. With the feedback I received from primarily Young Adults they all seem to enjoy the narrative but also the visual style. In that regard it reminds me of Cartoons like Adventure Time and Regular Show which are aimed at Children however they often have distinct undertones for older audiences. Overall I say my Comic and story work well and create something interesting for Young Adults to read that is not too serious but provides enough substance for an engaging narrative and story.

[visualculturethread-blog]

Final Paper

Elizabeth Ruggiero

Professor Murray

Visual Culture

May 3, 2017

Humble by Kendrick Lamar

The recently released song and video, Humble by Kendrick Lamar covers many of the key terms discussed in class this semester. The overall theme is that humanity has lost its sense of humility in modern times and Lamar brings it upon himself to make his audience realize this. The goal of the video was to show just how removed from reality society has become.

In the opening scene we see a man dressed like the Pope in a cassock, standing in a beam of light. The camera zooms in and the audience is shown that this man is none other than Kendrick Lamar. Immediately the scene jumps into the next. Lamar is shown this time, all in black and laying on a table full of money while he uses a cash cannon to shoot more into the air. This collage shows how one can go from an unassuming, innocent man of the church into a money hungry egotist. These scenes back to back let the audience know how easy it is for someone to go from their best to worst quickly. This could also be Lamar’s way of giving God and religion a shoutout. Kendrick shows off the good and the bad, as he goes from the pew to the trap. The audience has an aerial view looking down on Kenrick, while girls are sitting at the table counting money. In this scene we see the first example of the male gaze. Since it is an aerial view we cannot see any of the women’s faces only their breasts. This is a pleasing angle for the male audience members to enjoy. The over-sexualizing women is common among hip-hop culture.

The scene then switches again to a beauty salon where women are sitting at hair dryers and Lamar is between them. The women sitting all the way to the left has “HUMBLE” written on her shirt. Again we see that Lamar’s face is the only one lite up by a divine light that shines on him.

Lamar and his pose then reenact Leonardo da Vinci’s 15th-century painting, The Last Supper. He makes his own replication of the famous image. Lamar takes the spot of Jesus at the middle of the table while his disciples unappreciative gorge on wine and food. This appears to make Lamar the Christ-like figure of hip-hop. One of the men sitting next to Lamar starts acting obnoxiously and stands up. At this point Lamar looks at his friend, points and reminds him to, “sit down, be humble”. He does as Lamar instructs.

The next scene shows Kendrick riding a bicycle while an uncommon angle shows the world around him. This deformed lens makes it seem as though Kendrick is on top of the world even though he is still home riding his bike through the condo’s in Compton. This was a clever and creative shot by the directing team, as Kendrick continues the good kid, m.A.A.d. city story line and that he’s still able to reach in to the people. It also could reflect that no matter how big he gets as an entertainer, he’ll forever will be lil’ Kenny from the block.

The most direct visual in the song is when Lamar gets to the line, "I'm so f--kin' sick and tired of the Photoshop.” At this point in the video Lamar and a model are standing on either side of a split screen. The black model has her hair straighten and a full face of make-up, with much cleavage showing. When they cross sides the model changes to reveal her natural, curly hair and clean face. In the next line Lamar raps, “Show me somethin' natural like afro on Richard Pryor/ Show me somethin' natural like a-- with some stretch marks”.  At this point the camera focuses on a woman’s unedited behind, showcasing her cellulite and stretch marks which Lamar says are still attractive. By doing this alone, Kendrick challenges the media to portray women in their natural state. Comedian Richard Pryor, who Kendrick mentioned on had an afro, which is a naturally-occurring hairstyle. Due to social expectations of beauty, black people, especially women will go to great lengths to straighten their naturally curly hair. Kendrick is not only asking for natural beauty, but also affirming black beauty.

When Kendrick delivers this line in the music video, he raps at a model who crosses a split screen showing the difference between her manicured self and her natural look. When Kendrick crosses the line, his appearance doesn’t change at all, suggesting that he doesn’t fake anything for his audiences and he is as real and as truthful as he can be to his fans.

Lamar then raps, "I don't fabricate it / Most of y'all be fakin’ / I stay modest 'bout it / She elaborate it / This that Grey Poupon, that Evian, that TED Talk / Watch my soul speak / You let the meds talk”. This is a subtle jab at the cough syrup-drinking, pill-popping rappers who rhyme about their supposedly awesome lives from the bottom of a Styrofoam cup. In the video, Lamar hilariously says this while spreading mustard on a slice of bread in the back of a chauffeured convertible. Kendrick puts his own spin on the classic Grey Poupon commercial, as he exchanges mustard with his close homie from back in the day. This exchange might seem a bit pompous to the uninitiated, but to those who know, this is something we all wish to do when one goes from rags to riches, share with those close to us.

One of the most controversial scenes in the music video is when we see Lamar being targeted by unknown assailants to the viewer. Dressed all in white a dozen red sniper dots appear across his body and the window. Red and blue police lights reflect off the glass.  Kendrick has invested a lot of time in crafting images showing the threat of police bullets, and “Humble” shows him in the Establishment’s laser crosshairs. As we’re on the shooters point-of-view looking into the house, we see that Kendrick knows who is coming for him and still has enough time to basically deliver a screw you to whoever is coming to attack.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             The entire “Humble” video is an exercise in irony and is also filled with messages that could be perceived as anti-conformist. There are many scenes throughout the video where Lamar and his corn-rowed head is the only one with hair in a sea of bald, black men.This scene happens when the hook goes up. Heads are bowed in unison and in humility to the creator, Kendrick, who has been touched by the divine at the beginning of the video. Lamar stares intently at the camera while saying “Sit down, be humble”. All the while, his face invasion is ready to do the same. During the closing shot, Lamar is the only man wearing white at what's seems to be a funeral, these are both jarring images that could have deeper meanings. This also goes for the scene where Lamar is taking golf swings on the roof of an old car and the part where he’s surrounded by black-shirted peers whose heads are wrapped in kerosene-soaked rope then set ablaze while Lamar, the only one in a white hoodie, is the only one with his face revealed, while his scalp is ablaze.Tongues of fire sit upon the heads of Kendrick Lamar and four more “disciples” who stand behind him. It could also be the representation of the Holy Spirit that rests on each of them. This frame shows Kendrick executing his vision in startling and amazing fashion.

By virtue of making the song, one with a simple “Sit down/ Be humble” hook, listeners can champion the idea of Kendrick being one of the meek, who in The Bible’s Matthew 5:5 says “shall inherit the earth.” Those who follow him on social media know he’s not much of a tweeter or Instagrammer. And for every lyric he has about earning his fortune, there’s usually sure to be one about the evils that wealth  brings. This dynamic video is essentially what Lamar is as an artist, balanced with a clear message.

In this music video I believe that Kendrick Lamar wanted to make it an experience for his audience. He did not want them to simple watch a video and enjoy it as a passive audience. Instead of observing, Lamar wants an active audience to watch the music video and learn something, hopefully to be more humble and display that in their everyday lives. The audience after seeing the video should be actively involved in improving their own lives as well as teaching others ways to be humble and not take the things they have for granted.

In the music video we saw reproduction of an image and it’s authenticity. The recreation of the last supper shows Lamar’s “disciples” being selfish and indulging in all those things brought to the table by another, instead of being grateful and humble for the things they have, they begin acting selfish. This is a modern adaptation of the image as the first was created over a thousand years ago. Instead of wearing long draping tunics those at the table are wearing modern day clothes and hoodies. This gives the reproduction a different meaning, possibly that Kendrick is the savior of hip-hop who is humble enough to teach others his ways.

There are many underlying messages of representation in this video. The one I believe is the most prominent is black lives matter. Lamar simply wants to put black people in the spotlight for positive things instead of negative things that the media is often trying to portray them as. This is why he’s constantly surrounded himself by other black people, from the girls in the salon to his pose under the bridge. It’s a message that they can stand together to create anything and be successful in what they do.

Kendrick Lamar’s role of intention in the creation of the video was to open people’s minds to realize the type of life they are leading. There are many hypocrites in today’s society who believe they are doing good or have the correct opinions when in reality they’re the ones that’re wrong and have no idea, the role of this video was to bring those people some humility.

Encoding of a message is the production of a system of coded meanings which is created when the sender needs to understand how the world is comprehensible to the audience. At first glance it seems as though Lamar and his directors were able to come up with a very eye appealing video. However, upon further determination and decoding it is able to easily figure out what the song and video are truly about.

The decoding of a message is how the audience is able to understand and interpret the message. The coded information must be translated in a way they will be understood. The audience tries to reconstruct the idea by giving meanings to symbols. By putting the lyrics together with Lamar’s visual clues we can really see the meaning of selflessness he is attempting to spread to his fans.

The male gaze is used a few times throughout the video. The first is the second scene in the video when Lamar is lying on the table of money. The girls counting the money are placed there so that we do not see any part of their body except their breasts. This is a position that is beneficial to the male therefore it is part of the male gaze. There other time the male gaze is used is during the beauty salon scenes where the girls are under the hair dryers. This is the only other time we see females in the video and they’re all dressed sexualized for the pleasure of the male. To say there's been a shift in the hip-hop world regarding beauty standards would be a stretch. The male dominated genre is not only notorious for misogyny but also known to glamorize, and exploit scantily dressed women with hourglass figures, long straight hair, and an "exotic" look.

Reflexivity is also relevant in this music video. This is the self-awareness as critical viewers of media culture. Kendrick Lamar could have chosen to do a much simpler music video that would have been more widely understood. However, he chose not to do this for a reason. He wanted a video that would force the audience watching to become self-awareness of their own actions through the video and cause them to question the media culture they see every day.

Although Kendrick disses the use of photoshop in the song he does a bit of digital manipulation in his own music video. We see this done in the scene where Lamar is riding his bicycle. Digital manipulation has been done to the image to make it appear as though Kendrick is riding his bike on top of this orb. Kendrick Lamar however does take a stance against digital manipulation stating that he is, “Stick and tired of the photoshop”.

Lastly the music video has many examples of postmodern themes. Postmodern themes include, contradiction, lack of absolutes, question social norms, irony, disinterestedness, genre as mixed, judgment of culture, references the past. References to the past are made through recreations such as the last supper scene. Lamar also spends a majority of the song and video judging our current state of culture in american and specifically black culture and they ways they are treated. As mentioned earlier the video includes many points of irony as well. He also questions social norms and what our society accepts as beautiful.