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magnolia-among-the-stars · 3 months ago

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the last bit of us (chapter three)

Plot: Tyler Owens hasn’t been home in a year. He’s survived all the storm chasing and motel living with his new partners as they try to save lives. But with all the damage they’ve taken from driving high beams first into monster storms, it’s time to pay the piper and bring the truck in for repairs. And the only person who can fix them is the best mechanical engineer he’s ever met. Eleanor Harding, his estranged wife.

Pairing: Tyler Owens x Estranged Wife OC (Harding Daughter)

Word Count: 2.4k

Playlist Song: your place by ashley cooke

Trigger Warning: mention of dying character, cancer

prologue / one / two / three

The drive takes more than an hour and the bile building in my throat burns the closer I get to the hospital. I’ve gotten used to the layout of the visitor’s parking lot, the row after row of cars lining the large lot. I curse, driving too quickly past another spot.

My hands start to shake and my chest hurts a little from the constricting panic. I slam on the breaks when a car starts to back out, pulling away. I swing into the spot, breathing out in relief. The walk to the front slider doors of the hospital takes what feels like forever and the receptionist at the front desk takes too long to sign me in. I can feel a new wave of tears rolling through me as I step off the elevator. Mom is there, pacing back and forth on the phone.

“Mom?” I call out, doubling my speed until I’m running into her arms.

She tucks her phone in shorts just in time to collect me in her embrace.

“Hi sweets,” she breathes into my hair. There’s a small amount of relief, being curled up in her arms. I bury my face deeper into her neck, a few stray tears sliding down my face. I sniffle loudly, trying to collect myself.

“What happened?” I ask, looking up at her.

“You know your father,” she purses her lips, rubbing my arms as she sighs. I’m not sure if she’s trying to comfort me or comfort herself. “Doing too much in the barn, overworking himself. He stumbled into the house and passed out. Doctors said he’s been missing his medication. If the cancer doesn’t kill him, I’ll do it myself,” she huffs.

“Ma,” I scolded her, shaking my head. I turned to peer into the room, trying to catch my dad’s eye but the doctor stood in the way. He sways a little back and forth as he speaks, only allowing me to see the IV hooked up and the soft beep of the heart monitor. “Don’t say things like that. Dad is going to be fine.”

When I turn back to her, my mom’s eerily calm. She’s breathing through her nose, her eyes a little cloudy as she watches the doorway. Her thumb taps her pointer finger, then her middle. It’s a distraction, something I’d inherited from her as a way of navigating hard moments. I tilt my head, watching her more closely. “He’s going to be fine, right?”

She’s slow in looking at me, her gaze far away when our eyes connect and my breath hitches in my throat. Jo Harding had stood strong in front of the scariest of storms. She’d stared down an F5, sent it running for the hills and yet, she’d never looked more fearful as she opened her mouth. “Honey,” she starts but footsteps interrupt her sentence.

“He’s up and talking,” the doctor says, smiling a little at my mom. He shouldn’t be smiling. Why is he smiling? “I’ve sent in his new prescription to the pharmacy and once his IV is done, we’ll be able to get him back home,” he nods at me. “I’ll leave you both to it.”

I don’t wait to hear what mom has to say, rushing into the room to see him. The chemo still hasn’t taken all of his hair, though the line continues to recite backwards a little further each week that I visit. He’s wrapped in a white sheet, stark and crisp against his blue hospital gown. He looks so small in the large bed and yet, somehow so uncomfortable. The crows feet around his eyes have deepened with exhaustion but his warm, bright smile still remains.

“Daddy,” I murmur, sniffling again as I climb gently onto the side of his bed.

“Hey sweetheart,” he reaches up to touch my cheek, patting it lightly and smoothing the flush with his thumb.

“What the hell is the matter with you? Mom said you haven’t been taking your meds.”

“Sweetheart, there’s something I need to share with you,” he says, eyes flickering behind me at mom, leaning up against the doorframe.

I want to look back at her, give her the chance to tell me it’s not what I think. Anyone who knew parents would know that before me, mom was the emotional one; impulsive, reactive. But after I was born, Bill Harding went soft. His heartstrings were too malleable, easily manipulated. I was daddy’s little girl. I couldn’t look back at my mom for strength, I was too worried that he would slip from my fingertips when I turned back.

“I don’t,” I start, shaking my head. “I don’t want to know.”

“Eleanor,” he coos, as if I’m a newborn sobbing through the night. I feel like I am. “The cancer has spread too much.” I don’t hear the rest of what he says. There’s a high pitched ringing that echoes in my eardrum, mixing with “home”, “weeks” and “get comfortable”. After minutes of numbing silence, I nod and wipe my face while grabbing his hand.

We sit for a while, the three of us chatting and trying to ignore the inevitable. My mind starts to race, making a checklist of to dos in my mind. Trying to figure out how to help my mom pay the hospital bills and manage the farmhouse. Maybe she can move in with me. We’ll need to make arrangements. I need to finish fixing up the RAM before he…well, before.

As time passes, the nurse shows up to take out his IV and start his discharge paperwork. “You’ll need to pick up your prescription. It’ll help keep you comfortable for the time being,” she repeats as she places a bandaid over the spot of blood from the needle. “We’ve already sent it over.”

“I’ll pick it up,” I blurt out, rising to my feet.

“Honey, you should go get some rest,” my mom says, squeezing my hand. “You can’t tell me you got much sleep last night and it’s been a long day.”

“I don’t mind,” I say, suddenly remembering that Tyler is here. “I could use the distraction.” My mom must notice the change in mood because she frowns, deep lines settling between her brows.

“Alright, I’ll walk you out,” she nods to the hallway. I thank the nurse and say goodbye to my dad, kissing him on cheek with a promise to see him at home. I follow my mom into the hallway, bumping into her as she slows to a halt.

“Ma, c’mon,” I say, stepping to her side and looking for what distracted her. Seriously. At the other end of the hallway is Tyler, standing with a sad expression.

“What in the fuck,” mom says, jaw set tightly as she crosses her arms. She turns to look at me. “What’s he doing here?”

I close my eyes, trying to slow my breathing. “I didn’t tell him where I was going.”

“Didn’t tell hi-,” she stops herself. “When did he come back? Why didn’t you tell me? Are you two back-,”

This is the last thing I need today. “Ma, he showed up this morning. I will get rid of him, alright? I’m gunna get rid of him.” I kiss her on the cheek. “I love you, I’ll see you at the house.” I turn away so that she doesn’t have a chance to protest or ask more questions, stalking over to Tyler.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I seeth, shoving him lightly backwards toward the elevators. “How did you even know where I was?”

He lets me move him, eyes trying to catch my mom’s as we move. His bright eyes are wet with worry, laced with concern as he searches my face for answers to his own questions. “Is dad alright? What happened?”

“Not your father,” I grunt, tugging him finally around the corner. The statement hurts, I can see it all over his face. I know how close he and my dad are but he doesn’t get to show up and just pick up as the son in law he hasn’t been. I’ve had to pick myself up in these moments with no shoulder to cry on. He doesn’t get to just come back and know.

“Eleanor, I know you are angry but if he’s hurt, I want to help,” Tyler says.

“It’s not your place.” I push the button for the elevator, holding tightly to his wrist in fear that he’ll speed back down the hallway. Right into the belly of the beast that is Jo Harding. As much as I hated him for disappearing, I wasn’t that cruel. “You made it clear you didn’t want this family anymore.”

The elevator dings. I step forward into the small space, trying to drag the man with me. Tyler doesn’t move easily behind me and when I turn to look at him, there’s a sour look on his face. “C’mon, I don’t want to miss the pharmacy hours,” I say. My fingers clutch his wrist tighter, pulling with all might until I can unglue his feet from the linoleum tile.

He’s quiet in the elevator and past the receptionist desk. I peel the stupid name tag from my top when we get outside in the fresh air, heading in the direction of my truck. I don’t expect the footsteps to follow me and leave them be until I’m a car or two away. I turn on him, hands on my hips. “What are you doing?”

“I’m coming with you.”

“No you are not.”

“Yes I am,” he responds with such a stubborn matter of fact tone that I want to slap him. He walks past me, swiping the keys from my grasp and heading for the truck. “You know I can get you to the pharmacy in under thirty minutes.” I think back to the times that we would need to make a trip over the years, the times that I would let him drive so we’d make it to the drive thru before closing for a milkshake and a burger. Racing against the clock with the windows down and the radio cranked down. I could still see the crinkles around his eyes from his smile under the overhead lighting to look for his wallet.

“What about your car?” I follow him to the truck.

“I got dropped off,” Tyler says, tugging the driver’s side open. He slides across the bench to unlock the passenger side and my stomach turns at the mundane simplicity of the action. I don’t have a choice but to comply though. I check my watch and realize the time, jumping into the passenger side.

It’s silent as Tyler wraps an arm around my headrest, backing out of the parking lot and heading down the road toward the family owned pharmacy near my parents’ house. It’s gotten dark outside and my headlights are too bright against the pavement. It hurts my head. Today hurts my head. I rub a palm over my face, trying to scrub the exhaustion and emotion away.

“You wanna talk about it?” Tyler’s voice is soft in the darkness of the cab.

My only response is another hefty sigh.

“C’mon El,” he tries again.

I stare out into the darkness, trying to see the grains of wheat along the fields instead of conversing. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Well, how about if you just talk at me? You’ve always enjoyed that,” he says, his tone too playful for my liking.

“Do you feel like that helps? Cracking a joke, making a jab at me?” I snap, turning to look at him. He glances over at me for a few moments, lips pursed.

“I’m sorry alright? I don’t really know how to behave and I’m trying to ease the tension.”

“Do you feel like the tension is at ease?” I ask, looking forward with my jaw clenched.

There’s a few more moments of silence before he says “Not at all.” His accent is thick, the twang of Arkansas slipping through. I look over at him and he licks his lips, grasp on the steering wheel flexing a little as he rolls to a stop on the empty road. I don’t know why, don't really know what it is that makes me react but I suddenly let out a giggle. It’s accompanied by a snort, a short, loud snort that catches his attention. His foot slips on the break as he turns to look at me. The motion causes us to jerk, our necks snapped forward in an instant. And the motion just makes me laugh more, tears streaming down my cheeks.

“Are you alright?” He’s staring at me wide eyed, like a deer caught in headlights afraid to make a move.

“This is just so absurd, this whole day, just an absurd nightmare.” I get out through wheezes of teary laughter. I take a few gulps of air to calm myself and wipe away the stray tears. I turn to look at him, my chest feeling a little tight. “It’s leukemia, stage four. The doctors have recommended he come home so that he’s comfortable.”

Under the overhead street lamp lighting that washes on the hood of the truck, I see Tyler’s face fall. His hand pushes the shifting gear into the park position, the sound rings in my ears. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He looks forward at the road then back at me. I can see the gears turning in his head, the cogs trying to continue their processing. I’m expecting a lot of questions about what type, how long he’s been sick, how long they give him, what medication they’ve prescribed. I even anticipated I should’ve been here.

“So what’s our next step?”

I blink a few times. I must've misheard him. “Huh?”

“What’s the plan? What do we do next? I can make some calls to St. Francis and see if we can get an appointment-,” he continues on, rattling off some ideas of second opinions and alternative medicine to heal my dad.

My fingertips start to go numb and I have to squeeze them tightly to try to gain feeling back. “Tyler, Tyler,” I say a little loudly, getting his attention. “There’s nothing to be done. It’s too far gone. He’s already done rounds of chemo.”

His gaze is a mix of harsh confusion and disbelief, piercing as he looks me over. “Rounds? How long has he been sick?”

“He was diagnosed last Spring,” I say, looking down at my watch. “Can we get moving? The pharmacy closes in twenty minutes, I don’t want him going without.” I can tell he wants to argue, set us into another round of banter and harsh remarks. I’m grateful that he decides against it, instead pushing the truck back into drive and speeding a little faster into town toward the pharmacy.

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onyourhyuck · 1 year ago

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Midnight Rain. | H.RJ

— Prologue: You were the embodiment of a sunshine and he was the Midnight Rain. You wanted a comfortable life with a husband, but he wanted the pain chasing his name in the fame. “Y/n I was wrong, I want you.” Renjun breath quickens watching you in front of him. .

— Summary: Wherein two exes reconcile after four years at the reunion party in the bar.

— Genre: One night stand exes trope. Based on Taylor Swift song Midnight Rain. Renjun musician trope. Miscommunication trope. Angst. Smut. Dry humping. Unprotected sex ( no mention of pregnancy and please use protection.) heavy makeouts. Biting (only lips) hair pulling (light and mild) consensual. FRUSTRATED ‘I MISS YOU’ SEX trope. Very angsty. Heated Arguments. Non-Commitment Renjun trope.

— Notes: TAYLOR SWIFT >

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The town you grew up in was a ghost town. Wasteland, filled with only people who tell you to dream less and become realistic with a nine to five job every weekend until you’re in the care home.

Renjun always dreamt of a bigger picture, he always knew deep down in his bones that he was made for greater things. That he was destined for greatness. You knew it all to well too. Back then when you were with him you saw the potential before anyone else did. You were his number one believer.

You. It was all you who stood by his side. The only girl who believed in him when no one else did.

But you wanted something else from him too. You wanted something fulfilling to fill that loneliness in your heart when you saw your boyfriend rising up and up on that ladder slowly, leaving you behind, as if he didn’t bother to take a look back behind his shoulders to glance at you.

By the time you knew it. You were only holding him back and your paths no longer connected.

So you disappeared out of his image, but the next four years you’re there again in front of him and now he was looking back at you.

With an expression that you couldn’t read. Mixture between shock and curiosity along those four years. Beating hearts or perhaps was it your stomachs dropping?

“Y/n hey,,”

The first time in forever something triggered your brain. Not aware that you nearly single handedly forgot how his voice sounded like.

It took you by surprise, was it deeper? More nasal?

“Hey Renjun,,”

The night carries on with you surrounded by familiar faces that you weren’t sure you’d ever meet again. Classmates all the way from high school came by to create this meet up. You weren’t expecting to see Renjun. You nearly forgot that you used to have the same mutuals back in the day. But you would be lying if you said that your eyes struggled to keep sight away from him.

Mindless chatter and gossip to catch up, many of your mutual friends from high schools never kept in touch.

“Y/n so what are you doing nowadays?” Asking the guy on the right you turn to look at them, you were pretty absent minded.

You thinly slice your voice across. “Oh. Photography. I do photography.”

The others make a common crowd chatter after hearing you say your current career choice and not many were surprised. Renjun certainly wasn’t surprised; he knew that you took photography as a side subject back in school.

Their curiosity rose when Renjun’s eyes caught you staring and you quickly looked away. Then another question broke out.

“And Renjun what are you doing? I keep seeing your face on the billboards in the city.” Laughing as the man spoke.

Seeing his expression falter he gave a small smile that appears to be polite way of expressing that he was uncomfortable bragging forward the information. Renjun feels quite weird seeing all these old friends of his. Especially when they are all living differently. Their lives are all so different.

“Music. I have a tour coming soon.” He states not looking to the guy as his eyes couldn’t leave you.

Ouch. You hate thinking about the past when he mentioned his career as a musician, a very successful one.

You never once doubted his ability to make fame out of his name, but did he have to prove himself while leaving you in the dust? The conversation sparks some tension when you raise your eyes at Renjun. You can’t help but feel frustrated.

Perhaps was it old wounds opening up and making it bleed again?

“Are you done showing off on us normal workers?” Your classmates pause giving you a glance between your visible angry glare and Renjun’s blank emotionless expression.

The silence grew, Renjun soon broke it in half. “I wasn’t bragging.” He slants on the chair. The bar was filled with only few customers and a table full of ten people together which was your group.

You grumble. “Sure you weren’t. Now that you’re so high up in the industry I bet you’re looking down on us.”

He didn’t quite understand what made him angrier. You speaking badly his success or you making a comment about judging you and the others.

“Whoa Y/n where are you going?” One guy calls out when the sudden chair slams backwards and you turn your back on the table walking out of the bar. You couldn’t believe you exploded like that.

You didn’t even mean it. But you felt like you needed to get that off your chest.

The old feelings of being used and thrown out as if you were a piece of garbage made you remember the pain you felt during the breakup.

Coming outside for the fresh air you’re standing with your pair of black ripped jeans and a stylish graphic shirt over a flannel. Your outfit was casual something you wear everyday. Since you prefer being comfortable above flashiness.

You never understand why you bring these situations on yourself. You should’ve stayed quiet, you thought.

What was your motive behind your words? Jealousy? Pettiness? Revenge for him treating you like a second option when it comes to his career? You don’t even know yourself. It might be all the above.

Lingering outside soon your ears turn around towards the sudden voice, the coldness of the air breaks out, like a blizzard.

You were the embodiment of a sunshine and he was the Midnight Rain. You wanted a comfortable life with a husband, but he wanted the pain chasing his name in the fame. “Y/n I was wrong, I want you.” Renjun breath quickens watching you in front of him.

You’re not sure what he meant, but the look in his eyes was all beyond regret and frustration too.

“It’s too late.” He heard you say. You’re not even looking at him anymore as you tuck your hands in front pockets of your flannel as your soft low ponytail hangs low, against the latching breeze so cold it sends shivers down your spine covered by your clothing. Coldness touching his face but all he could feel was the sounds of his heart breaking.

Like glass shreds. Falling off the moulding of his heart.

He felt like a fool for not realising it sooner and for not reaching out earlier than until now. The circumstances of your meeting wasn’t something Renjun wanted to meet you at. He can understand if you hate him, if you don’t want to see him again. But he doesn’t want you to forget him, and he doesn’t want to waste your connection what you guys have. Back then he knew nothing of love. The commitment issues got the better of him. Renjun didn’t know how to balance his musician alter ego and the normal person he once was, when he was with you. It was all about work for him in the past.

You wanted a family. You wanted to be loved and to wake up seeing your favourite person.

Renjun took that dream away from you, broke it down and left you. Discarded everything. All for music.

He figures you must be pretty damaged on the inside, pretty angry at him, frustrated. Maybe you even want to erase him for good.

Coming forward very slowly he held your hand but the minute he did you snatched it away and backed up against the wall as Renjun came forward not wanting to pull away from you. He wanted to talk, he wanted to feel your touch again. It’s been far too long without you and it feels almost like — a mantra in his head telling him to keep going to you. Like you were the gravity levitating the muscles in his feet to thread towards you.

“Y/n please let’s talk.” He desperately whispers while keeping his hands around the wall as you’re pressed up against it.

Renjun gazing down at your face from an above ninty degree angle where your forehead is fitting right around his lips nearly.

The breaths quicken, your heartbeat is racing and the unfamiliar feelings of your frustration grows. He wants to talk, which conflicts you.

You hate that you care about him even now, even till now you’re here thinking if he deserves your kindness.

He saw your gaze that said you’re not interested, until he leans closer whispering in the most sincere breaths of anguish. The downcast silence of his voice was heartbreaking. “Please…?”

You don’t bother looking up at him. “Okay…”

“I am sorry for what happened between us.”

Three simple words you grieved to hear all these four years of missing him. You stayed the same but Renjun changed like Midnight Rain.

You’re unable to read between the hidden lines your connection has. It looks like a giant wasteland with fences, just like your town. With pouring rain his words came crashing down like a matter from space.

“You’re sorry for what?”

He flinches at the sound of your striking blunt voice, you’re holding back from biting at each corner of your inner cheeks in feud.

Trailing when you are staring him down. “For leaving you.”

“You didn’t leave me.” You spat. “You thrown me out.”

“I tried supporting you. I tried my everything for you. I wanted my dream so badly with you, I thought you wanted it too.” Your eyes quiver watching Renjun’s shining eyes as he was staring at you with sadness written on the expression.

A hint of regret washing the canvas behind those pearls he stares at you with.

As if a portal was deeply embedded in front of you making you both time travel back, unravelling your love like it was back then. Worry-free. Stress free. Where life was truly good.

And all the life he gave away.

Because you were so kind he broke your heart. You were the sunshine and he was the Midnight rain, who knew nothing about love but to destroy everything he touches.

“Y-You’re right. I thrown you out without a second thought but I regret it. I lived with the regret all this time and now that I see you I can’t live with it.” He whispers back with stutters. It feels like he was in a cage trying to escape. Escape his own guilt. “But God Y/n don’t push me away when I’m trying to make things right here.”

He hissed towards you while holding your wrists as he was looking down at you with eyes that fuel his frustrations equally to your anger.

“Why are you trying to fix us now? You already destroyed us.”

You’re glaring at him trying to figure out if, if this was real or was it all a sick joke to him?

“Because I’m trying to make things right between us!”

“I hate you,” you slant against the wall and he feels you try tugging off. “I don’t want anything to do with you, Renjun.”

“Liar.” He grumbles not pulling away from you as if all his remaining life depends on you staying there. Renjun saw the look in your eyes that said something completely different.

It didn’t tell him hate, it told him a sad I love you.

For you life was bleak and boring. But for him life was everyday full of empty sadness.

All of you stayed the same but all of him changed. He wants to go back to you. He leans down crashing a heavy kiss on your mouth when your eyes widen crashing back down with your brain shutting off, intimidating sensations running to your veins. The emotions all rush to your head when the moment comes to you, realising you’re kissing your ex back with the equal frustration and feud he was showing in the heavy makeout. Your tongues brush in without a single stopping pause. He held your face with his hands so tight the eyelids clench tight while his breath was caught in the back of his throat.

Teeth graze over your bottom lips, he bit down pulling at it enough to create goosebumps to run over your body pressed up on the brick wall behind the bar, tilting your head slightly your eyes shutting right. Your hand moved to his small back behind tugging down on the fabric, neediness rushing to your face as much as the redness was growing. Nothing could stop the man kissing you so deeply like he was repeating this moment lost in it.

Looking even better when it wasn’t his imagination. Renjun never knew how much he missed you until he had lost you and now obtained you back nearly. Hands swiftly brush on your hips rubbing them in circular motions while your mouths pull apart from the heavy shared kiss, the weight of the frustration became less and less weighing but the remaining stayed.

Your hands didn’t hide their eagerness from him. Neither did your round circling eyes watching every move. Pulling a little at your hair Renjun brought you into another steamy kiss, this time he felt you sucking on his bottom lip.

Without a shame, he slips out a sigh. “Fuck Y/n…”

Neither of you seem to care, about anything else but each other. For you it feels like paradise. You were like a montage that he missed so badly, and he managed to mend a bit of your broken heart. Clothes fell down when the other found the nearest dark area full of rural hidden away from other eyes. Your voice was hushed with growing tenor strength as your moans grow more and more, Renjun runs the hands down your stomach caressing it while his mouth fell on the side of your neck.

Impatience chides in you as your hips rock forwards out to dryly hump on the over lining silhouette causing Renjun to hurriedly hold up waist with his arms looking down at your expression, you’re looking at him with need. The need he left you in for so long for every midnight you lived.

The look on your face was enough for him to get to it. Holding up your hips with your legs gently moved apart only a little, Renjun slips himself in feeling every inch of the length going in. Gnawing at your red tongue you close your eyes as you’re muting your own voice from letting out a louder sigh than you can.

“I missed you so badly,” he croaks when the warmth starts getting him all riled up. He missed your body. He missed your presence, and he missed your scent that haunts Renjun to this day.

The inflation of his growing love for you was overflowing by each incoming thrust when your bodies brush up against each other. The sight of your breasts pressing up against his chest makes him perpetual and weak.

You make him so much more nimble. Each thrusts was welcomed by a goodness clenching wall squeezing Renjun through the agile arms around your body holding you with support.

Controlling your moans, it soon became apparent that you couldn’t keep much any longer. You’re whispering your own seething voice to his ears. “Did you really miss me?”

Renjun shivers as your hot breath drifts in his ears as you spoke. “So much. You have no idea.”

It sounded broken and desperate. Each time his length covers all your inside the head of his tip was coming forward to your growing abdomen, where a warm singular knot building up and up.

Somehow your thoughts grow more intense than ever hearing that he missed you all along and you feel nearly smug and proud.

You wanted him to miss you. You wondered for so long whenever you see Renjun on television performing if he missed you.

And now you know the forever answer you were searching for to be true.

Renjun was grieving his own pain, while he changed into a person he didn’t want to be. The only way to get himself back was to found you. To be honest with you. And no longer become so obsessed with the chasing dream of fame.

You are picture perfect when Renjun took an adoring glance at your face with your increasing lewd groans he leaned down capturing a soft kiss, while the remaining thrusts doing two stutters with the waist going up.

The release of him coming out leaking out between your thighs when he was done, the kiss was confirmed between you both as you’re leaning into the sudden softness.

Rakishly he slips out of the kiss, string of saliva connecting you and him. The fluids drip down on the wet ground as the outside starts to pouring down tiny wet drops of rain, and for once you’re not gloomy on a rainy midnight day.

“Y/n…” Renjun quietly whispers while pulling up the trousers while he saw you pulling back your jeans pressing the button over. “can we restart?” He asks you with quiet dismay as his eyes were looking at you with despair. He was praying.

You watch him with a quiet expression and your heart going to a steady state.

“I don’t know.” A part of you still was wondering if you are going to get hurt again, but a part of you wants to believe he was going to try this time.

“Will you leave me again?” You ask out quietly under your breath.

“No. Never again.” He quickly digs in approaching forward as he held your hand in his hand. “I want you more than ever now.”

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank you! Reblog this fic and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out.

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mojogojocasahouse · 6 months ago

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Satoru Gojo x gn!reader

Spoilers for JJK260 plus some made up plot 😂

wc: 494

C: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, some graphic imagery

“Toru!”

Icy December air surrounds you, the warmth of the blankets dissipating as you sit sweating and panting in the black winter night. The hotel is unsettling, with unfamiliar walls on all sides, scratchy sheets, and quilts that are far too thin. All you can hear is your heart hammering in your ears as it matches the panicked thump in your chest, the echoes of the cries of your comrades resonating with each thud.

“Ssshhh.” That sound is soothing, but barely breaking through. “It’s okay. C’mon, you’re freezing.”

A rhythmic sound beats in tandem with your pulse, heat spreading from the solid body pulling you back into a cocoon of white robes and long, muscled arms. Your fingers find the long, puckered seam that just hours ago had been severed in two, tears pricking at your eyes as you recall the sight of a body in multiple pieces.

The man beneath you had been dead just mere hours ago.

“Toru…” you whimper, burying your face in his neck, breathing in his arid, sweet scent as if it would be the last time.

You’re holding him so tight it hurts your own joints, tendons pulled taut as you squeeze what had been all but lost to you when the sun hung high in the sky. You’d watched his upper half fall to a bloody heap, you can still feel the iron grips of the hands holding you back from sprinting to his side right on the battlefield, your only hope being to see the galaxies swirling in his eyes one last time before they were swallowed by darkness.

Satoru Gojo had died.

The very same Satoru Gojo who is currently running his fingers soothingly up and down your spine. The owner of the heart beating strong and steady against your ear. You’d traced the cold, lifeless features of his face, willed him—begged him—to come back as Shoko worked to the point of exhaustion while Utahime danced to an imaginary song. You’d been the first thing his reawakened eyes had seen, a small smile stretching onto his face as you collapsed down, finally letting the sobs you’d been holding in free.

Then you’d bid him goodbye once again as he went to face the same threat that had taken him from you once already.

“Please don’t leave,” you beg, lifting your head enough to find his lips, kissing him before he could respond.

“I promise,” he murmurs, his palm swallowing your jaw and cheek whole, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“That’s not funny!”

But he’s laughing, grinning against you as he pulls you in tighter. Your back hits the mattress the moment you release some of the tension you’re holding, arms chasing you in as he nuzzles his nose across your skin and into the dip behind your ear.

“I don’t know what you were so worried about,” he purrs, dragging his teeth across your pulse point, “I said this was forever, didn’t I?”

#satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru drabble #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo fanfic #Jjk #jjk 260

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canonicallysoulmates · 1 year ago

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J2 Main Panel SFCon 2023

Look at these cuties 💖

Would Jensen consider doing a musical? And would he ever tour with Radio Company?

He has done a musical. In high school, he was in West Side Story, he had never sung in front of anybody before and he played Tony who is singing all the time; he would definitely entertain the thought of doing something like that again but he does mention it's a lot of work. As far as touring with Radio Company they've talked about it, he's not sure about a regular tour like hopping in a van and cruising down the highway but maybe setting up a few dates in a few different cities. And it's so cute when he says this Jared goes fingers crossed.x

What's the wildest thing they've ever experienced?

Jared shares the story about how the last time he had been in France, a couple years ago, they had been staying at a hotel with a beautiful view, and he and his friend Josh were hanging out when their wives came running up to them and told them there was a guy outside who looked like he was about to beat a girl up. So Jared and his friend run out to intervene, and it seems to be a couple and they're yelling at each other, so his friend stands next to the girl and Jared stands in front of the guy. And the dude is aware of his presence but he's not looking at him, he and the girl keep screaming at each other in French until the girl storms off down the road. After the girl storms off, Jared tries to ask him if he's good and the man looks up at Jared, pauses, and goes, in French, 'Supernatural?' and Jared replies "oui", and the guy goes "bon" (meaning good) starts to walk away with his friends then stops, looks back at Jared and goes "merci, Sam Winchester."

The fan who asked this question said that originally they were going to ask something else that was mind-blowing but he forgot so Jensen jokes that's the wildest thing that has happened to him. That poor dude took a roasting 😆

Of all the places they've traveled to which has been their favorite? Excluding Italy and France. And what's one place they'd love to go to that they haven't been yet?

Jensen says Jared is just as good in Italy as he is in France, and he tells the story about how one time they were eating this amazing meal in Italy and the chef came out to ask how their food was, and Jared unknowingly did a rude hand gesture, which is basically the equivalent of flipping the bird in Italy (because in Texas this gesture means something else), to tell the chef the food was good! And Jensen was like 'that's not what you think it means', grabbed his hand, slowly put it down, and told the chef it was delicious thank you, and the chef walked away with a frown on his face. I highly recommend taking a look at this moment because it has heart eyes, some hand-holding, and they sound like such husbands! x

To answer the question, Jensen says Switzerland. Japan is also one of his favorites. A place he hasn't been to that he wouldn't mind checking out is the Maldives. Jared semi-echoes, saying he loves Switzerland, that he went there the first time because between s1 and 2 Jensen talked about going there so Jared and his brother went on route to China, and he's never been to Japan but he'd like to go. x

Is there a song that whenever they hear it it's ingrained that they associate it with SPN?

Brothers in Arms absolutely guts Jared. And Space Oddity will forever make him think about Dean chasing a fairy, basically, any David Bowie song will make him think of that.

Jensen mentions the Heat of the Moment by Asia and Jared tells him that at least he was dying instead of watching his brother die. Jensen also says his daughter found an older pop song and kept playing it on repeat in her room for like a week or so, so now he associates it with his daughter. The song in question is Sk8er Boy by Avril Lavigne. That kid has excellent taste 🎶

Out of any creature, existing, extinct, or mythical which would they like to saddle up and ride?

Without a second of hesitation, I think the fan hadn't even finished the question, Jared answers dodo bird and Jensen Liger. Then Jensen changes his mind and says Falkor.

And then, for some reason, he decides to basically serenade Jared by singing a little bit of Neverending Story which is very sweet and cute 🥰

Jared also says save a horse, ride a Winchester 😏 And the husbands continue husbanding cause the fan says they would want to ride a T-Rex and Jared does the little T-rex arms and is rubbing against Jensen (I don't know how else to word it okay) and Jensen just goes '15 years' and Jared replies '18'. They are so married, I can't deal with them. x

After years of Ken jokes on SPN were they disappointed to not be cast in the Barbie movie? And if they had gotten cast what Barbie would they have wanted their wife to be aka what career?

They are both so confused by this question, they don't know anything about Barbie. Jensen didn't even know Barbie had a career he thought she just shopped! And when I tell y'all I gasped literally gasped when I heard this man say that, Barbie has had over 200 jobs!

Anyways, Jensen does say that if can work with Margot Robbie he's happy. And Jared says he knows what career he wouldn't want his Barbie to have and it's deep sea exploration. I'm not explaining that joke but I had to pause I was laughing so hard I almost ended up in tears 🤣

What is their favorite department, or most important department when working on a film set?

Jensen replies that all departments are important, film and tv shows cannot be done without all departments every one is a link in a chain. That being said he would be very sad if the weakest link in the chain was catering cause there's nothing like breakfast coming off a truck like that and keep in mind breakfast is the first meal of the day, when you're filming a lot of times throughout the week the call times keep rolling later and later and later so by Friday you're not showing up to work sometimes until the sun's going down so like 7pm or whatever and then you're filming till 2, 3, or 4 in the morning but when you show up at 7'oclock they're serving breakfast out of the truck. In all seriousness, you can't do anything without the camera department, without the grips, the electrics, the props, everybody is integral, it takes an army of people to do what they get to do, and it's sad people don't get to see all of their faces because nothing gets done without them.

Jard says probably two of the most important but maybe get the least credit for what they do are the writers and the editors. It begins with the writers and it requires grips, electrics, actors, and wardrobe, and it ends with the editors.

Jensen says he knows Jared's favorite crew position: the onset carpenter. Because he breaks sets constantly it's like putting a real-life moose into a set he just breaks stuff all the time and Dave, their on-set carpenter, always had his belt ready to go and just follow Jared around putting more screws in things as needed; Jensen started noticing things were being much more greatly reinforced.

The person who asked this question is in film school and Jensen advises them to do as much as they can because the more cross-department they can work in, the greater their knowledge of how the whole thing works then they can really pick and choose where they want to be. x

What's their favorite gag reel that did not make it into the bloopers?

They think for a minute, then Jensen answers there were quite a few, that they've often said there could be a six-hour cut-together gag reel per season. They would have enough for a whole season of gag reels after two episodes.

Jared says that when SPN started back in '05 they were shooting on film so they would have to print the film, send it to get developed, then send it down to LA but in later seasons they were shooting digital so it was on a memory card and to save gags on the memory card is much easier and less expensive and time-consuming than on actual film to get processed so that's one of the reasons why they became longer.

Another thing is that when you're on set and they call action, they start rolling the camera, whether it be on digital or on film, and something goes sideways and it becomes a gag of some sort when they call cut unless the director says to print it meaning save it essentially then it's lost forever. And sometimes, directors, because they don't want to seem like they have no control on set just won't print it because they don't want to send down 30mins of the boys horsing around even with it coming under budget and under time and all that cause it makes it seem like they just let them fool around. And because they weren't producers on SPN they couldn't say when to print a gag so he thinks they lost a lot.

Jensen says there was a lot of trying to get each other to break out of character while the cameras were rolling, it was a game they did quite often and was so fun that a lot of the crew would join them, they wouldn't print that cause the crew could get into more trouble than the actors but there was one time where Dean was on the case (this makes Jared go "tell me more"- gentlemen what is with you this con) and he had to go down a basement. He opens the door and down the stairs in the basement were the camera operator, their focus puller, and their camera assistant all in their undies and there were sex toys in the basement that they adorned on themselves so he opened the door and what made him crack wasn't them doing that because he was used to them pulling that stuff it was that the guest star had no idea yet he didn't react.

Jared says MC and Alex were the easiest to break, Jensen is very difficult to break but there is one person who was undefeated: Jim Beaver. So much so that he's not sure if this made it into the gag reel but when Bobby is in the hospital and Sam and Dean are standing at the foot of the bed talking to him, Jared realized the camera was below the chest area and he reached under the sheet and started pinching Jim Beaver's toes but he didn't break so Jared grabbed his other hand to secure his right hand and pinched as hard as he could on Beaver's big toe but he still didn't react until they called cut and he called Jared a damn idiot 😂 After that Jared gave up on trying to make him break. x

Next fan volunteers at a non-profit dog rescue, called doggie protective services! And they use themes to come up with names for the puppies they rescue so could they come up with a creative theme and a handful of names for the puppies? Requirements they have to be G rated and no SPN because they've already done that theme.

Jared says Barbie professions like Astronaut the chihuahua 😂 I actually really like that name for a chihuahua not gonna lie.

He also suggests favorite amendments, and Jensen jokes 5 doesn't talk much, that's hilarious! Then Jared says but one won't shut up and Jensen replies one won't shut up so two shot him these men are on point today with the jokes 🤣

(For the international fans the fifth amendment is the right to not self-incriminate, the second is the right to bear arms, and the first is free speech)

Jared also suggests favorite vice presidents...from colonial France. Jensen suggests colors with a Mr. or Ms. in front of them, but they've done that already, and the same with breakfast foods. Jared says conspiracy theories, Jensen says James Bond villains but Jared reminds him that's not always G, and the jokes they make leave me in tears x

During the final question, the fan compliments both of them and Jared replies that Jensen is a handsome dude, and Jensen says staring at Jared is like looking into the sun awww Jensen! That's so sweet 💛

The last question is basically if Jensen's hair is longer than Jared's now, he says no but the fans are not so sure; he also comments that actors a lot of times don't cut their hair or shave until their next role cause then it's easier to cut it and do what's needed for the particular character. x

And with that, we wrap up this panel, and let me tell y'all I don't do justice to how married they were acting during this thing it was wonderful.

J2 Main Panel SFCon 2023

#j2 tinhat #noniwtv #mine

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fishermcn · 3 months ago

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scorned be the sea's daughters.

Beneath their feet the wooden vessels hum and groan with the din of their quarries' songs, and the gathered Fishermen steady their footing and test the tautness of their ropes, waiting with bated breaths for the tension to break and their hunt to begin in earnest. Hours spent not paddling nor steering but drifting on waters flowing to the whim of the Queen Below, the tainted riverways as much a slave to Her will as the raging sea from which She first dredged Herself from. Nary a breath out of turn is exhaled, nor a twitch of the muscle save for gripping ever more tightly the rigging tying the ragged band of hunters to one another, for all it takes for their quarry to sense them would be an errant ripple... so late is the hour of night and so dark is the evening without the moon that it'd been impossible to say when it was that they've arrived, the shores of the great lake out of sight even as they take to finally stirring the waters with oars to assume positions and lure out their prey.

With such obvious baiting, they were not left waiting for long. The first man is dragged from the boat with a scream he can see but not hear, eyes bulging with terror and mouth agape as he disappears beneath the surface without so much as a splash. The second flails at the touch of clawed hands, lashing out with a shout that's choked with pain, then water as his head cracks against the boatside before joining the first beneath the dark depths. Another joins him, then two more as the beasts seize from amongst the ragged band most unwitting consorts, before their brethren respond-- knives are drawn and flint retrieved, and the midnight's shadows are chased away with the grinding of sparks into torchlight. They flare to life almost at once, illuminating the waters within their wide, loose circle only enough to see the distorted forms writhing just beneath as they dart to and fro. A chorus of their own rises to war with the siren's song, a hail of hellfire unleashed from the iron maws of blunderbusses and rifles, and their prey shake the timbers beneath their feet in rage and pain as their blood paints the water crimson.

Their wooden vessels groan with the sudden swell of the dread song from just below the surface, the brackish waters churning furiously with the fury they've willfully roused, and Samuel Whist breathes in time to every kick of the rifle. Even deafened by beeswax, even with the press of frantic bodies and the trembling of the rowboat, his aim strikes true time and again-- steady, breathe, release, and a Daughter bares pearlescent fangs in a snarl now forever frozen. Steady, breathe, release, and the scales of another are torn like wet paper as a bullet pierces her heart and keeps her from seizing another Fisherman.

Another bullet, another jerk of the rifle, another slain Daughter of the Queen Below, before the waters to his left erupt with sudden violence, hooked claws only just failing to maul his arm but shredding the firearm as though it's mere kindling. In the guttering torchlight her face might've been the picture of beauty, high cheekbones and full lips... yet they part to reveal a maw of shark's teeth to match the cruelty of her blackened eyes as she slithers aboard, and for the cry of the dread song that pours over them from her throat there could be no mistaking her for anything but a monster. Beside him, Grime clutches his head as tears of blood pours from his ruined eyes and Wren slumps forward without so much as a gurgle in death, and Sam's own ears scream from the strain even with the beeswax.

She lunges then, murderous melody still upon her cruel lips, and Sam lashes out with the edge of his saw-toothed knife even as he reaches for the pistol on Wren's corpse. Her spined tail lashes with the force of a rogue wave, flinging Grime into the hungry waters with the muffled snapping of bones and nearly capsizing the rowboat as her claws savage the prow, screaming in rage as a bullet punches a hole clean through her shoulder. Blood and sapphire scales scatter across the boat as another two shots bloody the beast before the Daughter closes the distance, and Sam only just manages to avoid getting his head taken off by her fierce jaws, the pistol knocked from his hand from the sheer strength of her. Another rake of her claws goes just wide of gutting him as he slashes in kind with his own blade, furious red lines drawn across his stomach with sickening ease even as the teeth on his knife wrenches another wail from the Daughter as it flays open hideous wounds along her side.

No way out, though. Her grip is iron as the Daughter seizes Sam on the next swing, wrenching his shoulder out of place before slamming him into the floor of the vessel, the howl of pain in his throat choked to death as the wind's driven from his lungs. Her expression shifts to something more harrowing than hatred as the curtain of her sodden hair obscures any sign or sight of hope, abyssal eyes almost demure in their hunger even as her jaws part and claws clench even tighter where they've bitten into his thin shoulders... before jerking, suddenly, confusion the last thing passing across the beast's face before slumping overtop of him as the thunder of another gunshot peals out faintly.

Wheezing, coughing, Sam scarcely has the strength to shove her off of him nor the moment to try before another boat bumps into his own none-too gently. A rough kick to the Daughter frees him up to take a shuddering wheeze of air before a familiar pair of hands, as calloused and rough as his own, all but heave him back onto his feet and into her chest.

"Carline." His voice is a harsh rasp, and the round of coughing that strikes him probably kills the already quiet affection in his voice.

"Sam." There's relief and concern and about a hundred other things all balled up and gummed up just beneath her thin layer of snark, thankfully. "Little too fresh with me, aren't you?"

"Shut up." He doesn't quite lean into her, but it's a near thing as the minutes pass, his breathing steadying and the coughing fit he'd been fighting tooth and nail dying back down. With a quick squeeze of her hand, he steps back, scanning the remaining vessels and the now calming waters shrewdly even as he starts rooting about for his knife. "Lose anyone?"

"Grim, Hook." He hears more than sees the slight shrug to her shoulders.

"Anyone important?"

"Nah, just bastards. You?"

"Grime... and Wren." He lets a frustrated sigh hiss through his teeth, soot-stained fingers smearing with blood as he tears a rag from Wren's cloak to cover up the corpse's empty eye sockets. "Stupid fuck. Told'm not to skimp on th'wax." His hands linger over Wren's pockets before crossing the dead man's hands over his chest with a shake of the head.

"Shit. Stupid bastard."

Sam feels her fingers just tangle in the tangled mess of his hair as Carline crouches beside him, shoulders just touching. He soaks it in, lets it and the sorrow linger long enough to ache, before shunting it back into its box to deal with later as what little Wren had to his name finds its way onto his person. "Blackhart still kickin'?"

There's a sudden, raucous cheer that echoes across the lake, led by a particularly loud and familiar roar. The dark green of Carline's eyes seem to gleam, the crow's feet accompanying her dry grin making her seem all the more amused. "Seems so."

Sam doesn't even bother giving voice to his thoughts, his flinty eyes saying more black oaths than he possibly could in a single breath as he follows Carline onto her markedly more intact rowboat, the morning light only just signaling the arrival of the day through the thick cover of clouds. With a rope lashed to the old ship, it isn't long before the two of them are paddling properly to join in the supposed success of another hunt.

#v. hook and harry and hunt they cry / doomed as we are to falter and die ( fisherman. )#drabble tag.#// will definitely come back sooner or later to clean this up i think #// but! original verse sam drabble!#// had this piece meal sort of thing lurking for a while. felt good to put it out finally #// carline (or carrion) is someone i really ought to write more #// but yeah! fishermen in action i suppose

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melodyofthevoid · 1 year ago

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A Deep Dive of The Crane Wives: Foxlore

(Lmao it rhymes) Alright folks! Last full album (for now), just the singles still left to go!

The most recent album not including the live release, Foxlore thrives on the lively and quick, trickery as devious on both ends as the fox itself. It’s about outsmarting your enemies, outsmarting your demons, and avoiding getting tricked yourself. There is a brighter quality to the music, even in the quiet moments. Biblical references are scattered throughout, often a rejection of common thought in favor of independence.

Nothing At All

Warnings can take many forms, sometimes they’re haunting tales, voices in the dead of night crying their tale out into the mists. Other times they’re howled, bared teeth and claws displayed for all to hear. And sometimes, sometimes a warning can be gentle, a hand on a shoulder that guides you to sit for a moment and listen. A bright guitar that carries something heavy alongside it.

The singer speaks of happiness first. Pursuing happiness, chasing that elusive dream, it’s what makes life happen, is it not? Day in day out there’s a never ending stream of options all claiming to help you be happy, to find happiness, bottle it, drink it, capture it. But true happiness, the man who wants nothing at all, well that’s a state that no one can keep forever. Distancing and letting that fire die, it’s easier than chasing after it. Isn’t it?

The singer asks the one listening if they want nothing at all, replying that they do. They’re without desire and… perhaps without direction.

A short confession, this is one of the songs where I for a long time misheard the lyrics, and this opening verse is no exception. Instead of “So long as the fire, getting weak, contained” I heard “So long as the fire can be contained”. A warning of temperament and realistic expectations for life. In keeping a level head, you can find happiness where you’re at, at least, in this version.

The singer then speaks of the other end, of pursuing and end to pain. Longing to dull the ache that haunts them, longing to “feel nothing”. That endless void of distant emotion where nothing can hurt them ever again. But again, this is nothing more than a fallacy, feeling nothing means cutting out the joys in life too, never opening up. Pain does not define a person, to only be what hurts you is such a limited view of a person that reduces them, however the contrast of joy and pain, giving the highs a low to tower above.

The misheard lyrics here change “handle pain, doesn’t define a man, it sure lends a hand getting measured in the sweeter parts of life” to “I know pain does indeed find a man, it sure lends a hand in measuring the sweeter parts of life”. Painting pain as an inevitable part of life but one that can be overcome and accentuating the blessings that life brings as well.

Singing a new chorus, they ask if the listener feels nothing at all, again stating that they do. They feel nothing, and the anguish bleeds into every note until they break and say that they’d never wish that on the singer. Warning them to avoid their fate.

Refrains of “Do you ever feel nothing at all” and “Do you ever want nothing at all” echo in a round, as though the singer is speaking more to themselves than to their audience, trailing off as they seemingly come to a quiet realization that they can’t continue like this.

Now, normally I wouldn’t include misheard lyrics, as they’re not the author’s intent and this is no different, however I think they speak to the themes of this song on a personal level. To me, the song was a helpful and gentle guide, not a warning of a similar fate. But in the end, does that matter? If the message to not shy away from life, from all of its possibilities rings true, then isn’t that enough?

I Talk In My Sleep

Sleeping alongside another, finding that long sought after companionship, it can make the long nights softer, for having someone there to share it with. Unless, of course, there’s more between the two than simply pillows. The singer talks in their sleep into the darkness, the only one who’s listening to their plight as their partner sleeps beside them unaware. Dreaming of everything but them. Maybe their partner did dream of them once, maybe they were closer, but not now. Now they speak their troubles only to that which cannot respond.

Trouble plagues the singer, demons of the past, twisting their words and leaving them haunted. Their partner has no clue, whenever they leave for whatever reason, the demons come in closer, grip them tighter. And they won’t tell their partner, out of fear, out of shame. It’ll be easier if they keep it to themselves… won’t it?

Even if their partner did listen to the things that they said in their sleep, would they even understand? Would they understand their problems and worries? Or would they simply turn over and go back to sleep, ignoring the hurt and anguish that echoes in the room. A cloud of regrets that looms over the both of them as they try to pretend that everything is alright.

But that won’t solve the issue, won’t make that dark cloud disappear, and in the end, it gets to be too much. And they finally confess that they’re not alright. That there’s so much weighing on their mind. Maybe it won’t fix everything, and the distance between them might win out, but it’s better than pretending that nothing’s wrong at all.

Down the River

Sometimes, you want to give second chances to those that hurt you, in spite of knowing better. Wanting to believe that the person you want, that you hope they could be will come through in the end. But that isn’t the case, is it? Because this isn’t the first time, or the second.

The singer ruminates on the fact that they keep holding out for this person, waiting for evidence that they were wrong about them. That they’re going to own up to all of the damage and make amends. Then again, why would they? If they’ve still not changed their ways by now, they’re never going to.

What fun is there in sticking around to see the results of the damage done? After all of the entertainment of the betrayal, there’s nothing else to do. They’ve lost the trust so, better to find a new fool to pull the wool over.

Then that leaves the singer and all of the previous victims to handle the hurt on their own. The deceiver free to live and act as they please without the weight of guilt but them? They’re left with those scars to handle. They can’t run from that, they can’t simply shake off the years of trust shattered.

The singer was, as they put it, sold down the river, an euphemism born of the American slave trade. The Mississippi and Ohio rivers were common routes of transporting slaves, and to be sold down that route, typically meant being sold to a cotton plantation in the deeper South. A deep betrayal, and one that came at a steep price. Over the years the saying has lost much of its deadly connotations over the centuries but is understood as a betrayal at its core. Selling out someone else for personal gain.

The con-artist, the liar, the cheat, they’re going to skip town and find some new sucker to hurt because that’s the easier solution. Never content to let the dust settle around their feet lest the consequences catch up to them. They’ve got enemies after all, and those enemies probably want blood. With such a collection of names in their wake, one almost wonders if there’s somewhere that they hide away to keep their secrets safe, or if they leave it behind and never think about it again. It doesn’t look like it affects them in any way, doesn’t haunt their actions, so why assume that will change?

In the end, when it comes to people like this, who use and discard as they please, there’s not going to be a cathartic ending. No ending confrontation that sees them getting their due. It’s no use waiting for them to come around and change, it’ll only drag you down. Better to curse their name and walk away, be better in spite of them. And maybe, privately, wish for their downfall. It’ll come by their own hands eventually.

Ribs

The biblical tale of Adam and Eve, the giving of a rib to create a perfect “companion”, is a familiar tale to many in the United States and in other Christian majority nations. God making woman second, making her, in some eyes, “lesser” because she’s born from man rather than her own being. This is a rejection of that premise, that the tales of old define who one is now. The narrator may not be so removed from the narrative, however.

Marrow from Adam’s rib may have made Eve, made to be a companion and servant, but that isn’t the case for the singer. No man gave a piece of them to make her, not in the biblical sense anyhow, she is independent and free, of her own. Her heart may be battered by the elements, all of life’s hardships, but it is a burden she takes on herself. How lucky, she remarks, that all of her ugly and human organs are her own. No man dictates her actions, plays with her free will. She is the master of her own fate, however flawed or messy it may be.

Lilith is, in some texts, the first woman, crafted by God independent of Adam and expelled from Eden due to her refusal to submit to either of them. Building a life, a kingdom of her own both around her heart and away from the eyes of history. Her name has faded generally from public consciousness, untold by further translations of the Bible and being relegated to the role of a demon, a temptress by the sources that still mention her name. Her legacy today is a mixed one, for some a wicked morality tale, and for others a source of inspiration.

Yet this is no matter for the singer, be she Lilith or simply someone inspired by her story. Her empire, the world around her is untamed and unmoved by the words of liars and those who’d seek to chain her up.

The dark, the night, forces that frighten others are embraced by the singer, she chose to close her eyes to the light, to live in the darkness. Often, God is portrayed as the light, and she shuns it, embracing a life without on her own terms.

As time has gone on, the origin of humans has shifted (at least generally) from the dust of the ground, the forming by Godly hands to a more scientific origin. Views of women have changed (...somewhat) over time, and the singer implores that young girls not buy into any armor, any claims that she needs to change herself to be stronger, be tougher to survive. That she has to conform to someone else’s idea, her ribs are her own. Her body is her own.

And that is all they need.

Can’t Go Back

Sometimes, we fuck up. Badly. We make mistakes that we can’t take back no matter what we do and have to live with the consequences. It haunts no matter what you try and do to mend it, regret pulling on your heart and imploring you to sink deeper into your misery. Because it’s comforting to sit in that hurt forever, isn’t it? To feel like a monster, or a failure, reliving that moment over and over again. There’s an element of self-flagellation to it, as if that suffering makes you more righteous, and yet.

Sometimes someone comes in, wipes the tears from your face and tells you it’s okay. The singer guides you to try to forgive yourself. Yes, you might’ve sinned, but there’s a lesson to be learned in there, something to take away and move forward with. It’ll hurt, sure, but the rest can be left behind. It doesn’t serve a purpose to sit in self-loathing, there’s more life out there to live if you reach out.

Because you can’t go back to fix it. What’s done, is done. It’s time to move on, stop trying to dig up the past. Bringing it back to the surface won’t bring catharsis or relief, only reveal the rot that's set in as time wears on. All there’s left to do is carry on living as best you can. There will be a whole life ahead of those moments, whether you move on or not, so better to try, right?

And it may not be fair, it may not be within your control, but when has life ever been fair? For anyone? Maybe it’s not alright now, maybe it won’t be for a while, but all things change, including this. All times end eventually, including the bad times. One day, this will all be a distant memory that maybe you can look back on with fondness, maybe not. It doesn’t matter, you’ll be different, for better or worse remains to be seen but it’s up to you.

In the end, this is a soft lullaby, comfort at a low point, much needed. A hand through your hair as the last sobs leave your body. Ending in a sigh, and exhale of the weight on your back.

Curses

Before going into the meat of this song, let it be known that from a musical standpoint I’m not sure how anything could be improved. The clarinet solo at the beginning took me out and it’s such a bright and cheeky lick that hints at a little mystery. It almost carries the same tone as the main singer really. It makes me smile hearing the warm wooden tones dance in and out throughout the song. Anyways, onto the content.

In the midst of a crisis, there’s always some other crisis about to happen. All of it builds on itself, kindling on a wildfire blazing out of control. Each word compounds the panic, everything going wrong. So wrong in fact, that all methods of extinguishing the fire have failed. The well’s run dry, methods of fixing the problem exhausted. Leaving the walls to start to crumble under the weight of the damage.

But then someone else comes, a breath of fresh air clearing away the haze of the smoke. Sure, the fire’s still smoldering, intensifying, but at least you’re not alone, right? The singer pleads for the other to stay with them in the rubble.

When the house isn’t ablaze, it’s a testament to who they used to be. Giving an elegy for someone who no longer exists. Full of ghosts and cobwebs and regrets. Perfect fodder for another fire, especially when it’s no longer a home. Simply a place of residence.

And like that prayer said at a funeral, all will return to nothing, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, spelling doom for the singer as they try to outrun their problems, their “devil”, with their lover in tow. They hope that maybe, if they run far enough, fast enough, that their lover can give them a sense of peace, put their curses to rest and grant them some small mercy. Make something beautiful out of them.

Though this is a song and dance that they’ve done before. Many many times before, the well worn machine growing tired and sluggish as the singer tries to keep it from revealing her secrets. Too many details slipping through the cracks in their facade that they’re struggling to keep up. They’re on the verge of breaking down entirely. They just want someone to stay in spite of it. To say that there might be something worth saving amongst the wreckage.

That this curse doesn’t define them, even as they struggle. The tragedy and cry for help almost unrecognizable beneath the lively music. It’s a wonderful contradiction, hiding in plain sight. As if making the call for help fun will lessen the sting.

Turn Out the Lights

A quick little tune for the anxious, stating upfront what it’s about. “You don’t have to believe every single thought that tumbles through your head just ‘cause it sounds like you talking.” Sometimes (oftentimes) our minds are unreliable narrators for any number of reasons, jumping to conclusions, exaggerating fears and dangers, intruding on our lives with unwanted impulses or distractions. It can weigh down and make someone feel like they’re the problem, that they are their thoughts. Or someone can get trapped in that loop of negativity because well. It sounds like you.

There’s no quick fix to this, often those demons take many forms and constantly find new ways to badger and berate. All you can do sometimes is just… put them to sleep. Say “not right now” and find some other way to occupy yourself. “Turn out the lights” so to speak.

Even during the daytime they’ll weigh on your shoulders. Occupying your mind as you try to go about your day, constantly distracting… and for what?

In the end, honestly what good comes of endlessly examining your own failures and faults, drowning in anxiety? It doesn’t fix them. It doesn’t make them go away. Worrying that you’re a bad person for this that or the other, regretting past decisions, what does it matter? Taking actions for the future will give you results, not this. Turn off those lights, the singer shrugs, and figure it out.

Pretty Little Things

What’s the saying, words are cheap? Any string of the right phrases and insinuations and you can promise just about anything. Construct a lovely artifice of grand romantic gestures if you add the right actions to it. A bouquet of flowers, some chocolate, etc. Then what happens though? What happens when those words turn sour? When the sweet words and promises ring hollow? When the cycles repeat?

The singer’s first love gave his affections liberally, all lips and hands. Then those affections turned, with the cracks showing, turning to rough callused hands by the end. Implying that the hands that once held and caressed used their strength for… something else entirely. Leaving marks that she can still feel to this day. Touches against skin unseen but very much felt. A phantom limb.

She gets straight to the point from there, telling the one currently wooing her that she doesn’t believe any of what they’re saying. She’s heard them before, and while they’re pretty, they don’t mean much in the long run. Flowers, that common romantic gesture, are compared to those “pretty little things”, it hurts to watch them wilt away into nothing, losing their color, their meaning, until they’re nothing but reminders of what used to be. A lovelier time now long past.

The culmination of her previous relationship left a bitter taste, the trust she put in her partner betrayed and taken advantage of. Trust that she no longer simply allows others to have. It’s a right that is earned, and can be lost just as quickly. Just because someone is handsome with lovely eyes and a quick wit, it doesn’t mean that they deserve to be let in. Red flags often disguise themselves as roses, after all.

At the bridge, she reveals how she pulls them out, by denying what a man wants and watching as he reacts. Is he calm and accepting of her feelings? Is he somewhat hurt but reproachful? Or do the pretty words turn to ash in his mouth?

Now the tables turn, she concedes that perhaps she has been “ruined” as some put it by her previous relationship. Her better parts torn from her, her heart used up (although, not the only thing “used” in some eyes). Such that no one after can possibly enjoy a relationship with her.

Or maybe, and hear me out, that’s all bullshit, and are talking points used to badger and belittle people dealing with trauma from previous relationships (or in some cases having any previous relationships at all) into feeling guilty enough to agree to sleep with them. Or simply as a means to make her feel like shit for turning them down.

Well, in this case it’s not working. The hostile reaction only serving to prove why her distrust exists and why she keeps her barriers high. No pretty little thing is worth the costs, not long term. Even if there’s a lingering sense of loneliness as she repeats the chorus again, as if hoping that maybe next time, they’ll prove her wrong.

Know How

It’s easy to say that things will change, isn’t it? The logical part of the brain can come up with scenarios and plans all it wants, see the end goal at the end of the tunnel… but how to actually get there. How to gather the courage to go out and take that first step, to accept the risks and possible pitfalls that may come and do it. There’s so many questions that it can leave you paralyzed with indecision.

Keeping themselves safe, that’s the priority. Bravery is for other folks, those who can take risks. The singer focuses on the present and the boundaries, keeping themselves sheltered from harm. But their partner is different. Something’s changed in their relationship, the rules redrawn and they’re left scrambling to pick up the pieces. Maybe the change is a move, an ask for separation and space, either way it redefines what they know and well. What now?

They know what they have to do, their heart is telling them in no uncertain terms what it wants, even in spite of them ignoring it in the past. It’s insistent, pushing for change, and they understand it.

They know what they have to do.

They just don’t know how to do it.

They’ve been pulling the wool over their own eyes and blinding themselves to the fact that their relationship is changing. A love once freely given is now retreating and they’re left picking up the pieces attempting to understand what they’re supposed to do now that their constant is gone. Trying to cut themselves free of the net that they wrapped themselves in thinking it’d never strangle them.

Something needs to change. Complacency won’t save them at this point and it’s not as though things will simply go back the way they were. They may not be brave now, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be in the future. Fear is a constant in life, one has to act with it, in spite of it, and do what has to be done.

Not that it’s always clear how.

Not the Ghost

What makes a haunting, really? What is it? A presence lingering in a place after the resident is long gone? A collection of memories that refuse to leave, infused into the very wood of a home? Or perhaps, not a home, a person. Who isn’t haunted by something, or someone. A lover, an ex friend, a family member, whose physical impact on your life has ended but remains regardless. Maybe it’s not even a single person, but a collective. Decisions, events, accumulating over the years. A haunting presence.

The singer beseeches their lover to turn the lamps down low, to dim the lights so only the two of them are visible. Focus only on them, and not the endless dark that surrounds. Not on the future, never to the future. For a moment, they can exist together without any fear… ideally. They warn that there are demons here, that they’ll carry them home. Whether that means alone, bearing the full weight of their mental problems on their back, or that the demons will make themselves known within their home, it’s unclear.

It then shifts into a lament, like the ghosts of many a work of fiction, wishing to break the chains that bind them tight to their burdens. Not of an unfair or unjust death, but of disappointment and of self doubt. Whispers of warnings when their lover is gone, false omens of future woes. They want for more, and that in and of itself does not scare them. All of their burdens, all of what they carry keeps them afraid, though not of the past itself. It’s the fact that it’s still there that haunts them. The fact that it trails after their steps like a shadow that they cannot shake.

That fear that they’ll always be like this. No matter what they do.

Taking a step back, they look at the life they’re living, tied down to their regrets. An anchor forged in anguish and harboring guilt. So long as they sit there, so too will their past, tied and never able to move along. Collecting more mistakes as life continues on, bringing them home to sit and linger.

And maybe one day it'll change, but for now, they sit in that fear until the break of day, hoping their lover stays beside them.

The Garden

Relationships can be a beautiful thing. Trust, companionship built between two people, a life no longer lived alone. However, not every form of love is smiled upon by society. In fact, there’re those who are quite adamant that there is only one true way that love can exist, and anything else is blasphemy. Is sin. Disgusting, a crime, something to be shamed and any who deviate shunned and mocked. Or worse, depending on the community. This leaves any person living in these societies to walk along an eternal tightrope, both trying to stay true to themselves while staying safe.

But that balance can’t last forever.

The singer is frantic as they tell their lover to tear down all the evidence of their love. To bury it beneath their bed in shame. Hide it away, try to keep it hidden. The Crows, they say, are laughing at their expense. Carrion birds that pick at the decaying rot, at the easy victim. They sit within the Garden of Eden, on their high perch. Drowning out any possible excuse the singer could give in mockery.

Despite this, the singer pleads with their lover, their better half. Calling them their shield, their stone, their steady hand. They seek protection from the mockery even as they attempt to hide away. Their lover is their better half, the light in their darkness. It’s closing in as the potential repercussions creep closer too, and there’s nothing that they can do. Feelings torn between wanting to indulge in comfort, or let their lover take them out. The thin line of passion and vulnerability that could be so easily taken advantage of. Still, it’s something beautiful to them.

Something they can hold even as others scorn them, seeing only the bloodstained clothes, the sinner’s garb on the outside. The devil knows their name, they’ve transgressed against God, and it’s only a matter of time.

After their previous indecision, they resolve to remain true to themselves, and their love, laying down in the bed they made together, content to go, let the crows have their way if it means that they’re not separated. The persecution they’ll face, the hammers and nails that will be driven into their skin, they’ll have each other.

Then the mood turns, that quiet acceptance turning to rage as they decide no. They’re not going to simply lay down and let the crows do as they please. This garden is not paradise if there’s so many rules in place. They deserve better, and this place does not deserve to be. They get on their knees and start to tear into the garden, rejecting its promises, its so-called safety and welcome. Cutting down the apple tree. If this is a sin? Then they’ll accept it.

#my writing #the crane wives #whew #finished this one up in about... 2 weeks give or take?#still have about 7 songs to go for the singles #honestly out of all the songs Curses gave me the most trouble #any time I'd think about it I'd bop too hard to the music to actually analyze it #it simply goes too hard #overall really happy with how this turned out!#foxlore

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reminiscentbelle · 6 months ago

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Rejet recently did a public fan voting for their characters for their 10th anniversary with specific prompts on their website here. I thought I'd share where each of our Dear Vocalist boys ended up!

[* Using a translation app so translations may be inaccurate]

[* Indents are fan comments! They are only included for the top ten]

Guy you'd like to have as a boyfriend

Reo: 6th

Because he is very stoic at work, always aiming high, strict with himself and the members, and charismatic, but in front of her, he is a cute boyfriend, and the gap between the two is irresistible. He is serious about music, but kind and caring to her at all times. He is cute when he is in front of his cat and strawberry shortcake. His singing voice is superbly handsome. His face is also very handsome. He is the best of handsome men.

A': 9th

Because I love CR's youngest genius and handsome vocalist the most in the world. Because I believe he will continue to make me happy by being crazy and not boring me everyday. Because I want to make out with A-tan, an Everest level crazy & special vocalist, forever and ever in the future. [yeah idk either LMAOOO]

Momochi: 19th

Judah: 30th

2You: 35th

Joshua: 40th [robbed btw]

Who do you want to cook with the most?

none of them got into top ten LMAOOOO

A': 13th

2You: 22nd

Reo: 34th

Judah: 39th

Joshua not on here... :(

Who do you want to become your teacher?

Joshua: 15th [i gasped!!!!!]

Judah: 30th

A': 47th

Guy you want to go karaoke with

A': 2nd

It's definitely going to be a lot of fun!!!! I want to do duets and have fun! I also want to mix up the drink bar and order Russian roulette takoyaki and eat them! Do you need a reason to hear a handsome vocalist sing live?

MMC: 6th

Momochi-kun is the only choice for this one! It's too good to have that Momochi-kun's singing voice all to yourself. ......♪ I wish you would sing just for me.....!

Reo: 16th

Judah: 17th

2U: 20th

Joshua: 42nd [ROBBED AGAIN]

Who heals you when you feel tired?

Reo: 12th

A': 17th

Joshua: 31st

MMC: 44th

MMC top 50 and not Judah I actually shed a tear

Someone who will suddenly start singing

Judah: 4th

He is the only one. Inspired by the sounds of everyday life, he seems to compose and sing on the spot. There's no way someone who suddenly starts composing music and saying things like "it suddenly came to me" won't suddenly start singing!

A': 5th

At first I thought I was humming along, but then I started to enjoy the song and I think I'm going to sing it with all my might. I want them to suddenly start singing in the streets and do some guerrilla live performances!

MMC: 31st [this is such a big jump omfg]

Reo: 48th

Someone who will protect you when fighting a powerful enemy

ngl expected that none of them will place super high LMAOOO

A': 22nd

Reo: 31st

Judah: 48th

Guy that you can never betray/cross

MMC: 2nd [LMAOOOOOO]

I don't disobey him because I think he said on the CD that if I left him, he would chase me and kill me. What Momochi-kun says? \ Absolutely! /

Judah: 30th

and nobody else mmc judah we need to do some reflecting

Because I pity him so I want to support him

2U: 3rd [this was completely unexpected like in-between all the vampires who had their entire family killed or something you have a failed idol reject nepo baby LMAOOOOO (lovingly)]

I know there will be a lot of things said about the past, but I want you to look forward and move forward regardless of that! Not only the other vocalists, but also RAT-chans has been at his mercy lately, so I'm rooting for him.

MMC: 23rd

A': 25th [this is crazy how is 2u above both of them LMAOOOO]

Reo: 40th

Joshua: 43rd

no judah his only problem is his older brother

Who would you like to bring onto a deserted island?

A': 11th

Joshua: 18th [he would be my pick]

Reo: 28th

2U: 36th

MMC: 46th

JUDAH NOT ON HERE LMAOOOOOOO YEAH I GET IT

CONCLUSION APPRECIATE JOSHUA DEARVO!!!!!

#dear vocalist #dearvo #reodo #joshua #2you #2u #judah #momochi #a'#i say dumb shit!#this also tells me i should get into whatever the fuck Pythagorean Productions is #this also told me that everyone really loves massun. as we should.#rejet

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eeunoia · 2 years ago

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ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

MIDNIGHT RAIN

synopsis: while jungwon was busy thinking a future with the two of you together, you were busy chasing your dreams. it was difficult to juggle both career and your relationship that leads you to let go one of them. which one was it?

pairings: yang jungwon x reader

word count: 11k.

warnings: angst.

note📎: it took forever, i know. please enjoy! this is the first part of my taylor swift songs series. i hope you guys liked this. your reply and reblog means a lot and my ask are open for you thoughts. thank you and stay safe.

It all started back in high-school. The first time you laid your yes over those angelic face was when he was busy goofing with his friends along the rowdy corridors of your school. You’re a transferee that day. Nervous and anxious about the new environment, tightly holding the strap of your back-pack. Silently, you stalked behind your Mom. A school personnel were leading you over the Principal’s Office.

Your eyes met that day. Instantly, you felt your heart skipped a beat at the short eye-contact. Due to the odd feeling, you were the first one to glance away. Jungwon’s stares remained, his neck even craned a bit to follow you walking pass by them. He wasn’t sure what’s the main reason why he’s suddenly at dazed. Was it because you’re new? or was it because you’re really beautiful?

“Why? You know her, dude?” his friend noticed how he was staring right at you and was about to turn too out of curiousity. Jungwon looked at him and he quickly held his head still, earning a light grunt from him.

Jungwon’s face sticked into your mind like a stubborn chewing gum. You didn’t even realized you arrived at the Principal office, your Mom have to lightly pat you to catch your attention and snap you back to reality.

“Y/n? Sweetheart, you okay?” she asked, a little concerned.

As you roam your eyes around the room, the three of them are eyeing you already. You felt embarrassed for spacing out, slightly wanting to blame that young boy for your distracting you.

“I’m o-okay. Sorry.” you mumbled and gave them a low bow as an apology.

The principal just chuckled it off and proceeded with orienting you about the school. She told you about the rules and regulations along with the fun activities you can join in. Honestly, the school was all you heard about it. It was a great school.

After the short orientation you are guided at the faculty room to be introduced at your new homeroom teacher. You will be lying if you say you’re not worried, but you know it will be all right.

“Ms. Kang, this is Y/n. She’s your new student.” the personnel said towards the middle-aged woman in front of you.

Her eyes shifted from him towards you before flashing this warm smile. Your Mom and you bowed in unison. “Please take good care of our Y/n, teacher.” your mom said.

She chuckles and even reached over your Mom's arm caressing it softly. “Don’t worry, Ma’am. I will take good care of her.”

She seems very reliable and very nice so somehow it ease your worry. As her eyes moved at you, she smiled brightly and greeted you.

“You are so pretty, Y/n.”

You flashed back a warm smile as you heard your Mom chuckling softly beside. Your head turns and you saw on her face how she looked very proud after your teacher’s remark. It was nothing new for you. Not to sound bragging, it was almost like a normal greeting for you already. You grew up being labelled as someone ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’.

You bid good-bye to your Mom and she even wished you luck for your first day. She was talking to you in a lively manner while the two of you heads towards your classroom.

“You wait here, I’ll just make sure your classmates are ready to meet you.” you nodded once and wait patiently right outside the room.

The teacher went inside and you heard her trying to silence the whole class as they were rowdy before she arrives. You can hear them joke around with their homeroom teacher that indicates how close they are. It was clear that your teacher is really nice.

Eventually, you are called inside. Your heart instantly thumped the moment you started walking inside the room. Eyes of your classmates were darted at you, all of them watching you walk right at the middle.

“Class, this is y/n. She will be joining us from now on so please help her adjust and be nice to her.” your teacher held your arm softly as she asked you to formally introduced yourself.

You sighed before flashing them your friendly smile, “Hello everyone, I’m Y/n. Please take good care of me.” and you bow ending your short introduction.

Your classmates clapped their hands and some even lets out playful cheers right at the back of the classroom. The teacher was quick to dismiss them, but they laughed it off along with the whole class. You end up chuckling with them too. It’s too early to say it, but you sense good vibes from this class.

“Okay, Y/n you can take your seat beside Mr. Yang.” she instructed. You glanced at her and confusingly roamed your eyes around the class trying to find the said ‘Mr. Yang’.

“Jungwon, please raise your hand to help Ms. Y/n.” she added.

Soon, a hand raised and your eyes darted at this boy— the one you saw at the corridors. The one with the cute dimples and pretty eyes. He’s here. He’s your classmate and your seatmate? ‘What are the odds?’

You tried to play it cool as you walk over the chair beside him. As you walk pass by some of your classmates, they gave you short greetings that you happily responded to. When you glanced back at Jungwon, his eyes were staring right at you. Patiently waiting for you to arrive to your chair.

“Welcome. I’m Jungwon.” he introduced pretty much right after you try to put your bag beside your table.

You fight the urge to blush as you heard his voice. It sounded so unique that you’re sure you’ve never heard it before.

“Hi, I’m y/n.” you mumbled and settled next to him.

As your teacher started her discussion, you pouted while watching how your other classmates pulls out their own textbook and search for the page. Sadly, your books aren’t available yet until the end of this week so you don’t have anything to use.

You slightly glanced at your side and you can see Jungwon rummaging over the page while goofing around his friend behind him. You sighed and pursed your lips. You aren’t the shy type of person but why do you find it hard to approach him? Does he intimidate you?

You let out another sigh and was about to ask him to share his book with you when you suddenly inhaled his manly scent as he leaned closer. You turned your head a bit at his direction, confused.

“Here, let’s share.” he shortly said before pulling your chair closer to his with no sweat. He did that too smoothly that you didn’t even had the chance to response.

Now your chairs were too close at each other and your mind was blank from any thoughts. Your eyes slowly trailed over to the boy beside you. He’s too focused at the textbook, glancing over your teacher from time to time. He seemed unbothered by the sudden stunt he just pulled.

He noticed how you’re staring so he looked at you. His eyes looked pretty, thick long lashes surrounding them giving more appeal over his eyes. Both of his brows raised in curiosity.

“Why? You can’t see?” his tone sounded a bit concerned and his hand once again reached the bottom of your chair to pull you even closer.

You blushed right away and stopped him. “No, it’s okay. I can see it.” you gulped, calming yourself.

Jungwon slowly retrieved, eyes roaming over your face like as if checking somewhere in your eyes if you’re telling the truth. He nodded once.

“You sure?” he asked that you only responded with a short nod before forcing yourself to catch what you’re teacher were saying.

You failed to see how Jungwon’s stares remained and how a small smile slowly appeared across his lips. He finds you cute when you’re all flustered, specially if he’s the reason.

He was still busy watching you when your homeroom teacher talked.

“Oh, right!” she exclaimed and faced the whole class, eyes darted at your direction.

“Y/n still don’t have her textbooks.” her apologetic smiles indicates how she unintentionally forgot about it. You quickly flashed her a smile to let her know that it’s okay and was about to say something when Jungwon raised his hand.

“It’s okay, Miss. I’m sharing mine with her.” he announced and you felt your heart thumping.

She nodded, soon a proud smile appearing her face. “That’s good, Jungwon. I purposely assigned you beside him, Y/n.” she informed you.

You nodded your head even if you’re a little confuse about the reason behind her decision. Your curiosity was soon fed when she talked like as if she can hear your inner thoughts.

“He’s the top in this class and also in the whole batch so Jungwon will be a very big help for you to catch up with the lessons you missed.” she said that left you in awe.

You don’t even know what exactly to say right after you heard about it. All you can think of is how amazing he is. How can someone as good-looking as him be very smart as well? Isn’t that too unfair?

“Mr. Yang, please take good care of Ms. Y/n.” the teacher said that snapped you back to your senses.

Your eyes looked at her, cheeks blushing as you hear his friends near your chair tease him after he answered a quick ‘Yes.’ to your teacher. You turned your head over to his side when you heard him giggling with his friends teasing remarks. His dimples were showing.

The class then continued and slowly, the whole class' attention diverted away from you making you it awkward. Jungwon was attentively listening to the class and even jotting some notes over a notebook. You pouted and silently admired how he looked so good looking serious. It’s way different when he’s goofing around with his friends.

You got a bit surprised when your eyes met when he suddenly glanced your way. You felt embarrassed that he just caught you looking at him, but it was too late to retrieve so you tried to just play it cool.

“Hold on, I’m almost finished writing it down.” he said that made you confuse. You even thought he was talking to somebody else until he raised the notebook to see if he really just finished it.

Your eyes looked at the notebook as well, silently scanning it. His hand writing is not that pretty, but clean. You can read it very easily.

After slightly reading it, he then handed it over to you. “Huh?” you asked, confused.

You glanced at his notebook then back at him. He smiled a little, “I prepared this beforehand for you. I already wrote down what the teacher discussed a while ago so this is up to date.” he explained and gently slid the notebook over to your table.

You followed it with your eyes, “Woah,” you muttered in amusement. It was just in a low voice but Jungwon still managed to hear it, making him chuckle a little. You looked really amazed with what he just gave you.

You looked back at him while starting to flip the pages of the notebook. “How long did it took you to prepare this?” you asked really curious.

“A week.” he shortly replied. He was actually a little surprised at how amused you were for just receiving a notebook filled with notes.

“Mhm,” you hummed. “How about you? You didn’t wrote the lesson a while ago.” you looked concerned. Of course you are worried if he’s going to be okay if he’s writing your notes except on doing his. He didn’t responded right away, he pursed his lips and smiled a little. It was subtle, but you clearly saw it.

“I’m going to be just fine.” his tone sounded so confident that you were convinced right away. Just then, Yang Jungwon gave you an impression that he truly is very smart.

The class went on and all throughout, he was there to assist you. He answers your questions whenever you’re confused and he explains it in the way you can understand it easier. It may be too soon to say it, but Jungwon really made you feel welcomed and assured you that you’ll do well even if you transfered at the middle of the school year.

“And lastly, this is the school field.” your eyes graced over to the wide field in front of you. It was vacant, no student can be seen around. Just like how Jungwon told you, since the season games aren’t near yet the practices for the sports such us rugby and soccer were temporarily dismissed so students will be more focused on their academics.

You smiled and admire the view in front of you. How the sun are slowly starting to set, the way it shines over the green field just creates this beautiful shade of color. Too pleasing to the eye.

After your classes the whole day, your advicer gave Jungwon the task to give you a school tour since you’re new and the campus was pretty big. You wanted to tell Jungwon that he doesn’t really need to do it, but he was very strict on following orders and doing his responsibilities. At the end, you had nothing to do but to let him tour you around.

The whole school was huge, you can feel your feet aching a bit with all the walking you two did. But you can’t find yourself complaining since you did enjoy it. You enjoyed it a lot.

Your thoughts were interrupted when suddenly a popsicle came into your view. A bit startled and confused, you followed the hand that was holding it.

“Reward for finishing the tour without any single complain.” Jungwon said and even insisted for you to accept the popsicle. You chuckled and accepted it muttering a quick low ‘thank you’.

He sat beside you and kept his stares right at the field.

“Now, it isn’t the ideal time to transfer school huh?” he started and glanced at you.

Jolting, you quickly teared your gaze away and focused yourself over the popsicle you were holding. He caught you staring and you just can’t help but to panic a bit.

“W-Well my Mom was assigned to a different branch of the company she’s working to. We had to move.”

He nodded his head and tried to look for a hint of sadness through your face, but none shown. Maybe a little, but not how he expected it to be.

“Were you okay with it?” his question took you off-guard for a while.

Your head snapped over to his direction, meeting with his soft gaze. For the first time, you felt your stomach churns in discomfort. That was something you never felt before. It was not a good feeling, but for some reasons you wanted to feel it again.

“U-Uh, yeah? The city looks cool and a lot of fun things to do here.” you slowly looked away and took a bite over your popsicle, disregarding the pain you felt over your teeth at the sudden action.

“Besides, in this place I will be closer to my dreams. There will be a lot more opportunities here.” excitement dawned unto you just by thinking about it. Jungwon saw how your eyes sparkles and your smile brightens as you talk about it.

Suddenly, he found himself curious.

“What’s your dream, Y/n?”

You smiled and turned to look at him, wearing your sweetest smile. Jungwon was at dazed, staring at your pretty face while the sunset graces over your skin perfectly. You looked beautiful and his heart skipped a bit.

“To become a model.” you confidently said.

It was true. Ever since you’re a child, you’ve wanted nothing but to become a model. Something about wearing fancy clothes and walking to the runways just makes you feel excited. It was your biggest dream and you will achieve it. You will do anything to live your dream.

Jungwon broke into a smile.

“It suits you.”

You blushed but chuckles before thanking him.

“What about you? What’s your dream, Jungwon?” you asked very curious as well.

One day of knowing him, you just really know he’s an amazing person. Being someone who’s very smart, you know he can dream of becoming anything and will surely do it.

He smiled, “To become a doctor. I want to help sick people.”

Your mouth gapped a bit, amused at what he said. Yes, you did said that he’s smart and he will make it whatever that is he wanted to become, but hearing that he wanted to become a doctor just makes him a hundred percent more cooler.

“Woah,” you couldn’t find the right words to say and your amazed reaction made Jungwon chuckle a little.

“What? You’ve never heard someone wanting to become a doctor?” a hint of teasing linger through his words so you playfully glared at him.

“No, but that is the first time someone said it in a very cool way.”

He clicked his tongue and scoffed, “So you think I’m cool?” he asked taunting you.

You rolled your eyes and stood up from the bench before starting to walk away. Jungwon followed quickly, “Hey, wait up.” he said laughing.

You scoffed back at him, “I never thought you can be very smugly.”

He slid one of his hands inside his pocket while the other held over his popsicle before he show you this smirk of him. He looked very attractive, but of course you didn’t say that.

“Well what can I say? I’m a very cool person according to you afterall.”

You bit your lower lip, suppressing a smile before rolling your eyes and just decided to eat your popsicle while walking out of the school. Jungwon continued following you, still teasing you about how you think he was cool. Now, you’re starting to regret that you said those words to him.

When you arrived near the bus stop, Jungwon easily threw his popsicle stick at the trashcan not far away then he gave you this confused look.

“How will you go home? Will your Mom pick you up?” he asked, concerned.

You shake your head as a ‘no’, “I will take the bus. My Mom is stuck at her work until late evening so I have to go home alone.” you said while pointing at the bus stop.

Jungwon glanced at it before he looked back at you, “Do you even know what bus to ride?”

You gave him a short nod.

“Yes, she gave me directions too.”

Jungwon didn’t talk right away and just stared at you. Thinking that maybe he’s worried for you, specially because he’s the last one you are with today, you gave him an assuring smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine! Thank you so much for today.” you said and even gave him a short bow. After standing back up, you waved and started going towards the bus stop. A lot of people were there, probably waiting for their bus too.

On the other hand, you are unware that Jungwon didn’t left the scene. He put both of his hands inside his pocket and watch how you wait patiently for your bus. You stood there holding the straps of your back pack, lightly tapping your feet at the concrete floor. You looked cute and confused while you check over the buses that were arriving.

Minutes after, Jungwon sighed and raised his head to look at the sky. His smile fell and his brows furrowed a bit.

“What am I doing?” he whispered over to himself.

Hearing the arrival of another bus, Jungwon lowered his head and looked at it. Seeing the familiar numbers you just showed him, you saw how you went inside that bus. Jungwon was standing there, not doing anything. But even before the last person enters, he just found his own feet moving on their own. Running hurriedly and beeping his car over as he managed to step inside. His head turns and his eyes searched for you right away.

“Jungwon? Is this your way home too?” you asked him surprised when he sat down beside you.

He gave you a small smile, ears turning a bit red. “Y-Yeah.”

You smiled, relieved that you are with him. You may not know him that much, but its way more better than being alone. As you glanced over to the window, you failed to notice how Jungwon’s smile spreads, seeing how the worry over your face disappears. He may take time going back home later, but its fine. At least he can make sure you’ll arrive home safely.

The following days of school were much fun for you. You started having friends and starting to adjust to your new environment. It wasn’t easy, you still have a lot of things to catch up and a lot of things you should get used to, but it was bearable. Jungwon was a lot of help. You two were getting along pretty well and somehow starting to grow closer.

You two are together most of the time since he had to help you with your academics. Like this time, he took you to the rooftop of your building. It was just your second time being up there despite of attending the school for two months and a half already. The first time was when he toured you months ago.

“So this is your favorite place to study?” you asked curiously as you roam your eyes around. The atmosphere and vibe here is calm. With the plants and cold breeze blowing, you must admit this can be a perfect place to feel relaxed. Relaxed meaning you can be more focused and study efficiently.

Jungwon moved a chair closer to his usual seat. He glanced at you, curiously checking the whole place like it was your first time. He smiled and called your attention. You looked at him and he taps the chair beside him.

“Have a sit.” he instructed.

You quickly obliged and sat beside him, placing your bag at the floor beside you. Jungwon opened some textbooks and organized it over the table. You pouted, starting to feel dizzy with all these textbooks and notes in front.

“Can we study later? I don’t really feel like studying right now.” your lips pursed even more and you glanced over his way.

Jungwon stared right at your eyes before it moved over your lips. He gulped and teared his gaze away, “Y-You have a lot to catch up, Y/n. Besides, midterms is near already. I have to help you study—”

“You always help me to study.” you cut him off.

Jungwon looked at you.

“Can’t we have a normal conversation right now? I want to know more about you and not about these textbooks.” you have no clue what got into you but you are serious.

Spending a lot time with Jungwon, just made you even more interested towards him. The way the students around you describes him was acceptable. He is smart, from a good family, nice, responsible, goofy sometimes and of course, good-looking. Jungwon, is an ideal person, that’s for sure. But what drawn you more interested to him is despite having all those good qualities, his smile and eyes tells you that he still have more. That there’s still more to know.

Jungwon gulped and licked his lip once while staring at you straight to your eyes. He admit, he might have find these tutoring lessons fun than how he expected it to be. This doesn’t burden him at all because spending time with you is something he enjoys to do as well. Sometimes, he even use it as a reason so he can spend time with you. Funny, because he’s never been like this towards anyone.

You cleared your throat and looked away, embarrassed.

“I-I’m sorry. You’re right. We should stu—”

“What do you want to know about me?” he cut you off. His question made you face him with slightly big eyes.

“R-Really?” you asked, stuttering out of surprise.

He smirked and nodded before starting to fix the textbooks he just organized. “Do you want to study instead?”

You shake your head rapidly that made him chuckle. It was too obvious how iiu despise studying.

“Why do you want to become a doctor, Jungwon?” that was one of the questions you wanted to ask him.

“To save people’s lives.” he answered too painly like as if you are some website asking what’s on his mind.

You rolled your eyes, “Come on, you can do better than that.”

He smirked, “Let me hear you then? Why do you want to become a model, Y/n?”

He crossed his arms, attention fully focused on you.

“I want to express myself through something I love to do. I want to show people that clothes isn’t just materials you use to cover ones body but also to express ones emotions.” you said seriously.

Jungwon smiled, looking a little proud after hearing what you just told him. He sighed and looked far, like as if he was thinking too deeply. That was the first time he actually thought more about why he wanted to become a doctor, why he wanted to save people’s lives.

“I want to be someone’s hope.” he started, fidgeting over the edge of the textbook he was holding.

“I want to be a doctor who can serve as a hope for sick people. Someone they can lean on and trust that they will get better.”

Your eyes were staring right at him, admiring the passion he was showing through the words he was saying. It was amusing for you. You knew how hard working he is and how he put so much effort to all the things he do but just seeing his true ambition was so much more.

“You’ll be a great doctor one day. I just know it.” you said, you didn’t blink saying those words. You sounded so sure, confident, like chanting a spell.

Jungwon smiled genuinely, “I’m sure you’ll be a famous model too.”

He raised his hand hang some of your lose hairs over to your ears, catching you off guard. “You’re really beautiful and charming. Everyone will love you.”

You felt your heart racing. Numerous times Jungwon made you feel butterflies but this was one moment he made your heart race like this. It was memorable. Not just for you, but also for Jungwon as his heart beats together with you and you were totally unaware of it.

You continued your conversation. Trying to know more about each other. As you go deeper over your convesations, as you know more facts, you grew closer to one another and a feeling slowly bloomed unknown by both of you.

Time skipped too fast. The next thing you know, it was already your senior year. It was just then you realized that what’s those writings says was right. Time do pass pretty quickly when you’re happy. All along, you are with Jungwon.

“Do you think Jungwon have a prom date already?” you sound cautious and worried as you move awkwardly, unable to stand stable beside Sunoo.

He’s one of Jungwon’s good friends and now your friend too. The young gentlemen sighs beside you as he type over his phone.

“If you want to ask him to be your date, just do it. Its not like he will say no, Y/n.” his monotonous tone just indicates how uninterested he is to what you are trying to talk about.

You sighed frustratingly, “You don’t understand, Sunoo! What if Jungwon already has a date? Or,” you gulped feeling your chest tightening by the idea. Sunoo lets out a sigh finally sparing you a glance. “He already has someone on his mind!” you added.

Sunoo pursed his lips before letting out yet another sigh. It was obvious he’s done with you already. For you, it wasn’t rude anymore as he was always like this. Out of all your friends, he’s the one well aware of your feelings for Jungwon besides yourself.

“Look, if Jungwon already have a date which we know is impossible, we would’ve probably know about it by now.” he said, trying to explain it to you or just kick some senses back at your mind.

“And if he already have someone in his mind, its probably you!”

You bit your lower lip, cheeks heating up after hearing those words from Sunoo. Prom is a big deal for you and having Jungwon to be your date sure will mean a lot. He’s the guy you have feelings for afterall. Of course it will be more memorable if he’s going to be your date.

You were still spacing out when Sunoo suddenly talked again, his eyes were looking pass you, more like at the person behind you.

“Finally!” he exclaimed.

When you turned to look over your shoulder, Jungwon was there. His familiar scent invaded your nose, causing your stomach to churn in a familiar way only him can make.

“Hey, sorry for making you wait.” he softly said, talking mainly to you.

“Y/n wants to ask you something Jungwon so I will leave you two.” your head snapped over to Sunoo and you gave him this warning look.

He doesn’t looked bothered and instead smiled sweetly at you. He waved and exits himself from the picture. You wanted so much to grab him by his uniform but was distracted when a hand gently grabbed your things from you. It was Jungwon.

When you met his eyes, they looked curious and his attention was fully on you. He was always like this. He makes sure he gives you his one hundred percent attention whenever you have something to say.

“What is it?” he asked, one of his hand held your things easily while the other hand reached to softly hold your elbow. It was like his way of saying that he’s listening.

“N-Nothing. Sunoo was just joking.” you said and even flashed him a fake smile.

Jungwon kept his eyes darted at you before he nods his head. He may noticed that you are lying, but he isn’t the type to force you to tell him things you aren’t comfortable to tell him yet.

“You sure?” he asked again, giving you another chance.

You nodded and he soon guided the two of you towards the main gate of your school. While walking towards the bus stop, you clenched your fist and bite your lips. The things Sunoo said kept flashing back over your mind.

“Y/n?” Jungwon looked at your worriedly when you suddenly stopped walking.

“I do h-have something to ask you, Jungwon.” you admit.

Jungwon blinked twice, his pretty eyes just makes you more nervous. Its always those expressive warm eyes of him that makes you go crazy.

“What is it?”

You let out a sigh, “About prom...” your fingers fidgets as your heart thumped hardly.

“What about it?”

You looked straight to his eyes, “I j-just want to ask if you already have a date.”

There... you finally asked him. Now, your heart thumped even harder waiting for his answer. You don’t even know if you’re ready about whatever that is he’s going to say. There’s only two answers and only two emotions you’ll feel once he utter those words.

“Yes.” he said, his face serious.

Your shoulder fell and chest starting to tighten right away. Something between your throat are starting to lump it, giving you a hard time to talk. Your eyes are starting to heat up as well.

“O-Oh...” was the only response you can say.

You wanted to slap yourself so you can compose yourself and refrain Jungwon to notice how disappointed and hurt you are.

You were about to say something but Jungwon beats you to it.

“You’re my date to prom, right?”

You looked at him, speechless. Tears starting to pool your eyes.

“You know its only you for me.”

The prom was amazing and having Jungwon as your date just makes it magical. You two had the best time. He made sure you will have the best night and the most memorable one. Of course, for Jungwon, the moment you agreed to be his date, he already knew its going to be the best night for him.

As days pass by, the more fierce your feelings for Jungwon became. You have no idea if its just you or your feelings will be reciprocated, but you don’t care anymore. You just want him to know. You just want to let it out from your chest.

“Hey,” you greeted him when you arrived at the rooftop, his favorite place to study.

He quickly glanced at your way and flashed a smile. “Hi beautiful.” he softly said and placed a kiss at your forehead, making you blush.

“How’s the screening?” he asked, referring to your scheduled appointment a while ago.

You smiled, “It was good, I guess? I hope I will hear from them soon.”

He smiled, “I bet you would.”

You broke into a smile as well. At times you are worried and doubting yourself, he was there to calm you down. He was there for you, always there.

“Jungwon, have you ever thought of dating someone?” you suddenly asked.

You know it caught him off guard because his eyes grew a bit big.

“I know you’re busy and you’ll probably be more busy once we go to college but,” you gulped and bit your lower lip, feeling really nervous.

“do you want to try dating me? I mean I will be very busy with my course and career! You will be busy with your studies. I wouldn’t have the time to be clingy, or if I will be I will make sure that it will be during your free time—”

“Do you love me, y/n?” he suddenly asked.

You choked on your own words, unable to say something. You expected him to ask you if you’re out of your mind or something not this kind of question.

“Because in order to date, I believe you have to be in love with that person. So do you love me?” he asked, his eyes never leaving yours. It made you very nervous but your heart was beating so fast, like responding to his question, answering on behalf of you.

“Do you?”

Jungwon sighed as he lets go of the pen he was holding before grabbing over your hands. His eyes was fixed at it for a while before he lifted them up to look at you.

“Yes.”

You don’t know how you looked like when you heard his answer.

“In case you are still unaware of it, yes. Why do you think I even stick to you like a gum after all this time? Why do you think I still put effort on making you notes and teaching you despite of you not showing interest on studying? Why do you think I take care of you so much?” he said. You pursed your lips and blinked a couple of times like as if trying to wake yourself up incase this is just a dream.

You licked your lips and felt them shaking a bit, your heart was racing.

“I don’t understand. Are you serious? When did you start getting interested in me?” there was a lot of questions that played through your mind.

He chuckled, finding you adorable.

“Why do you think I rode that bus for months making you believe it was my way home even if it was on the other way around? I was already interested at you that time.”

You are shedding tears as you listen to him. The feeling was too overwhelming for you, but the kind you are not complaining for. It was a good feeling and you know it was only for him. It was only for Jungwon. For you, it was always just him.

“I love you, Jungwon.”

He smiled, kissing your tears away while cupping both of your cheeks. He blinked multiple times as he moved away, like pushing those tears back inside his eyes.

“I love you, Y/n.”

Graduation came even faster. You graduated with a decent grade, thanks to your boyfriend. He’s still the top of your whole batch, and you couldn’t be even more proud. After the ceremony and taking nonstop pictures with your friends and family, both of you decided to visit he place that played a big part for your relationship. The rooftop.

“I can’t believe we’re leaving this school already. I’m getting a little emotional. I’m going to miss this place.” you admit as you lean over the railing, looking at the view beneath you.

“Really? I thought you hate it here since whenever we come up here, we study.”

You chuckled, “Well, sort of. But I enjoy every moment with you so I can just disregard the other feeling.”

Jungwon chuckles before approaching you. He gave you a back hug and rests his chin over at your shoulder.

“Don’t be too sad about it, baby. It just means we’ll be going to much bigger journey. We’re a step closer to our goals.” he said, comforting you.

You sniffed and nodded your head, agreeing. Silence occur the two of you, it was a calming type of silence.

“Where do you think are we both after 10 years?” you suddenly asked.

Jungwon sighed, “Well, I’ll be wearing a white coat, already a doctor...” he started before placing a kiss at your cheeks then slowly turned you around so you can face him.

“And you’re already a famous model.” he said and bopped your nose once. You smiled as you snake your hands over his nape, playing over the hair over it.

“You’re already my wife that time.” he said softly as he leaned closer, placing kisses over your face. Your face heats up, heart racing as his usual affections.

“How many kids do you want?” you asked that made him smirked.

“Its up to you, bunny. How many you want to give me, as long as they’re healthy and from you.” he placed a kiss at your lips once before pulling away. He held your chin, caress it gently.

“They’ll be very beautiful like their Mom and I will do my best to make all of you happy.” he said that made you smile.

“Oh I’m very sure of it.” and this time it was you who leaned in for a kiss.

“Do you think we can do it?” you asked, finally letting him see your worries.

You could never say what the future awaits for the two of you. But one thing’s for sure, you love Jungwon so much and nothing can change that.

Jungwon planted a soft kiss at your forehead, “As long as we have each other, we can.”

College then started. As expected, studying took over most of Jungwon’s time. You understand it as it was for his future. It was fine since you started going to go-sees for modeling agencies. He’s busy chasing his dreams and you are too.

“Hi baby!” you greeted him happily when you arrived inside his dorms.

You two haven’t seen each other for weeks so you are pretty excited meeting him. He looked at you surprise, hair a bit messy from all the gripping he do while getting frustrated over school. He stood up and quickly greets you then stole a glance at his wall clock.

“Love, I’m sorry I haven’t cooked yet. I was busy reviewing it slipped out of my mind.” he apologizes, feeling bad that he couldn’t cook like he said so.

You smiled and placed kisses over his pretty face. The last kiss lasts a bit longer, Jungwon even chased after your lips after you pulled away making you chuckle.

“Its fine. I came prepared.” you said and raised your hand that was holding the ingredients you brought so you can cook for him.

He smiled, “You really are sent from heaven. I love you.” he said that made you chuckle.

“I love you more, baby. Now go back reviewing while I cook for the two of us.” he gave you a few more pecks before resuming to what he was doing while you go to his kitchen to cook dinner for the both of you.

The first few years were bearable. Like how some warned you, it wouldn’t be so easy, but you and Jungwon didn’t gave much attention to it since you both know that as long as you have each other it will be alright. As expected, arguements were one of the trials life had prepared through your journey, so you argue from time to time.

“You forgot our date.” you sounded a bit disappointed. Jungwon clenched his jaw, knowing he was wrong but too tired from studying. His sleep deprived self couldn’t even swallow his pride as of the moment.

“I’m sorry if I was too busy reviewing a lot and not have a more free schedule unlike you.” his mouth moves faster than his mind.

“And now its my fault?” you sounded hurt. Jungwon cursed himself and quickly approached you to say sorry.

You wanted to not give in right away, argue with him at how he made you upset for once again forgetting your date and somehow blaming it to you. But you realized, you’ve been missing each other too much. The time is running and won’t wait for you, might as well reconcile and just shove away the argument.

Reaching ones dream truly is not easy. Specially in the industry you are trying to get yourself into. The world of models are harsh sometimes. It can crush your confidence in no time. Not everyone there was nice and since you’re just starting, hearing rude comments were hurtful for you.

Jungwon was walking towards their lecture building when he felt his phone vibrating. He was quick to fish it from his pocket and a smile instantly spread across his face. He’s been waiting for your call since he knew you went to a go-see.

“Baby! I’ve been waiting for your call. How was— Y/n?” his smile fell when all he can hear from the other line was sobs, heavy sobs.

“Love, what happened?” he asked, he stopped walking and his friend looked at him with a worried expression.

“Baby, hey. I’m listening. I’m here. Calm down, please.” he tried to make you feel better. As usual, Jungwon was there for you.

On the other line, you are crying so hard to the point you can’t even compose a good sentence. It was the first time you’ve experienced that and it was almost like a nightmare. You’ve attended a go-see and one of the mentors there humiliated you and took you out from the line of models saying that you don’t have the potential.

“I n-need you.” were the only words that came out from your mouth.

A lot of things that you wanted to say but you know out of all of them, what you uttered was the summary of it. You need Jungwon beside you, you need him and nobody else.

“I’ll be there. Stay put, all right? I’m coming.” he said and ended the call.

Jake was looking at his friend, wondering if what’s going on. Jungwon lifts his gaze and looked at his friend. He noticed that all their blockmates were gone towards the lecture hall where the test will be held.

“We need to go, Jungwon. The test will start in a few minutes.” he tried telling him, but Jake knew something’s going on inside Jungwon’s mind already.

He pursed his lips into a thin line before flashing a small smile.

“You go ahead, Jake. Sorry for keeping you waiting.” he started and taps his shoulder.

“I need to go, Y/n needs me.” and he left the scene without looking back.

Jake stared at Jungwon’s figure and realized what love can make people do. Is it necessary to let your emotions affects your future? Of course, for Jungwon it was fine. It was you who needed him afterall. He will do it again in a heartbeat if you need him to.

“You scored low this term, Jungwon. That’s so not you.” Jake, said as they walk towards the library one day.

He’s starting to get worried for his friend. He knows he’s very smart and that he can get his scores back in no time, but the distraction is too much lately.

Jungwon smiled a little, couldn’t really hide the fact that he was disappointed of himself too.

“I couldn’t review much because my girlfriend is still having a hard time right now. She didn’t make it to the fashion show she’s preparing for again.” he tried explaining.

Jake looked at Jungwon, unable to find the right things to say. He knew about you and him. Honestly, he salute the two of you for making it work for years. It was really hard to make both relationship and career to work at the same time. He can see Jungwon’s determination on making it work, that’s for sure.

“It doesn’t mean you should let it affect and give you a hard time too. This is your future we’re talking about, Jungwon. You are a good student, remember that.” Jake tried comforting his friend.

Jungwon smiled again, “Yes, but Y/n’s part of the future I’m building, Jake.”

If there are bad times, of course there are good times.

“Hello?” Jungwon was waiting for you to talk over the phone. He was fidgeting over his fingers, worried why you’re too silent.

“Baby?” he called you out. He’s currently at his shift but it was his break time so he had the time to call you to ask about your audition for this runway.

“Hey, its okay. You can just try again. There’s a lot of more opportunities for you, love. I’m still very proud of you.” he tried comforting you.

“I..” you started while suppressing your smile from the other line. “got in, baby! I got in!” you screamed and cheered.

Jungwon was so happy for you. Finally, it seems like both of you are slowly achieving all your dreams and most importantly, together.

But the closer you both gets, the more complicated things get. The more sacrifices you need to make. Its slowly starting to feel like the closer you step into your dreams, the further both of you goes away from each other.

Jungwon as expected do well on med-school. He tops his batch and even if he’s still studying, a lot of hospitals are eyeing him already, offering him work. You are happy for him, very happy.

On the other hand, you are not doing so well lately. You are being too occupied by the thoughts that he was slowly soaring far for his dreams and you feel like you aren’t going farther. You feel like you’re not enough. Its slowly getting into you, affecting your emotions and how you perform to your career.

“I’m disappointed of you, Y/n.” it was like a knife being stabbed straight to your chest.

This runway was a big deal for you. You wanted so bad to get picked as one of the models that will participate to it, but sadly you didn’t make it.

“I can see that you have potential in you.” she started. She’s your manager. An old model herself.

“But I can see that you’re not focused on your goals. Do you want this? Do you really want to become a model?” she asked.

You nodded, “Yes, Miss! This is my dream ever since I was a child.” you said expressing how badly you really wanted this career.

“I can’t see your dedication, Y/n. It seems like you have a lot of distraction with you.” she stated.

She sighed, “You know, in order for me to became one of the best I had to sacrifice a lot of things along the way. I focused on my goal and cut all of the distractions away.”

You cried so hard after she left the dressing room. You are hurting because you knew that she was asking you to choose between this career or Jungwon.

You are so tired and seeing Jungwon achieving his own dreams while you’re dangerously losing the chances to yours makes your mind clouded. You wanted so bad to be successful just how you both planned, and you don’t think you can do it having these distractions.

It may hurt you so bad, it may cause a heartache that won’t be healed too easily but you know you had to do something in order for you to achieve your dream and knowing Jungwon, you know he will understand.

Your heart broke as you saw him pushed himself off from the wall he was leaning on. Like usual, Jungwon flashes you his brightest smile while wearing his white uniform. Pursing your lips and balling your fist, you tried shoving away the pain that is slowly suffocating your chest.

“Love! How was it?” he sounded hopeful, waiting expectantly for the news you will tell him. Jungwon was so ready to congratulate you for good news and to comfort you for the opposite.

You lift your eyes and his smiles slowly faded once he saw them filled with tears. He panicked and walked closer to cup your face, but you moved away from him. He looked confused and hurt at the same time. He knew right away, something was up. Something’s about to happen and he have a bad hunch about it.

You glanced away, couldn’t take it to look at him in that state. “H-Hey, what’s wrong? What happened, bun? Let’s talk...” he said. You bit your lower lip, feeling your chest tightening in a very hurtful way. It was the worst feeling you ever felt.

You let out a heavy sigh before finally facing him. With cold, but tearstained eyes, you tried to keep your stare at his confused sad eyes. “I don’t think i can do this anymore, Jungwon. I’m sorry, but let’s break up.”

Jungwon was speechless after hearing what you just said. He felt his heart tightening as his ears ringed. Throughout your relationship, there are times he felt like this. Whenever you two fights and have misunderstanding, but none of those can be compared to what he was feeling right now. He never felt so hurt before. He never felt this lost before. His eyes looked at you and he saw how you’re as broken as he is. He saw how you’re hurting as much as he’s hurting.

“N-No, baby...” he said trying hard not to let those tears come out from his eyes. It was very hard as he can feel this bitter feeling slowly consuming everything in him.

He tried reaching for your hand, but you pushed his hold away. You cried, letting it all out as you finally let Jungwon see your vulnerable state.

“Please, Y/n... Let’s talk.” he plead and tried to go closer again. “Not like this, please. I c-can’t—” he couldn’t take it anymore, tears started flowing out from his eyes.

It broke you even more watching him like this. He rarely cries so you know you are really hurting him. You can’t help but to hate yourself, but you also know you have to do this. You needed to do this.

“I want to achieve my dreams too, Jungwon.” your voice cracked. “You’re slowly achieving yours, what about me? I want to have mine too.”

He can hear how desperate, tired and hurt you are.

“I’m here. I will help you—”

You shake your head, “The only person who can help me is me.”

It left him silent. The only thing you can hear was your cries. Jungwon stood there, watching how you cry and feel his heart broke. He couldn’t fully understand how you can choose to let him go at hard times like this when it wasn’t even an option for him during his difficult times.

But at some point, he understand you as well. The look on your eyes, how broken and tired you are. He doesn’t want you like this. All he wanted was for you to be happy and if achieving your dreams even if he’s not going to be by your side anymore will be it, then he will let go. He will give way, even if it means he will lose you.

He sighed before wiping off his tears. He slowly approaches you and caged you with the tightest hug he could give you. New set of tears flows as you cried even harder this time.

“I understand, love.” he uttered the words that make it even hurtful.

How can he be still kind despite of you breaking his heart?

“I wish you nothing but the best, Y/n.” he added, “I love you.” and placed a soft kiss at the top of your head.

When he pulls away, you almost grabbed his arms back to stop him. You didn’t even have the energy to do it and so you just watch him walk away. Your chest tightens in a very hurtful way as you try to call him out. The words couldn’t come out properly from your mouth from too much crying. You shut your eyes and cried harder like as if it will somehow ease the pain. It didn’t. It hurts so much watching the love of your life walking away from you.

“I’m very happy to have you here, Ms. Y/n! It was hard casting you because I heard your schedule was already so packed.” the organizer of the runway was very thrilled to meet you during this rehearsals.

You flashed a small smile and told her that you are as honored to be present here. Despite finally making your own name at the industry, you remained humble. Its been years ever since you’ve been back here in your country so you’re very happy.

Your thoughts flew as his face flashes back. Your heart aches in a familiar way. Unlike before, you aren’t shedding tears right away. You were used to it already. That pain and longing were almost like a friend.

“Miss Y/n, time to do the rehearsal.” you went back to your senses when you’re called by one of the staffs.

You quickly went to do the rehearsals together with the other models. A lot of them recogized you and even let you know their admiration of you. During the practice, as you were about to graze the runway, an unexpected accident happen.

One part of the stage collapsed causing for you to fall and hurt your leg. Everyone panicked as you slowly losing your consciousness after bumping your head.

“Call an ambulance right now!” you heard your assistant shouted before everything finally went black.

The next thing you know, you are greeted by a white ceiling. Your assistant and manager was there, looking so worried.

“You’re finally awake! How are you feeling?” you looked at your manager as she worriedly asked you.

She asked your assistant to go tell the doctors that you are awake. You gulped and tried telling her you are okay but your throat felt so dry. You don’t even know how long you are out.

Even before you can say something, some nurses went inside. But the next person who entered what made your whole world stop. Years may had passed and he may looked a bit more matured now, but nothing changed.

Yang Jungwon, wearing his white coat was standing right in front of you. After years of not seeing each other, you finally had the chance to meet again. You don’t know what to say, you are overwhelmed.

He smiled a little that made your heart skipped a beat. He went near the water dispenser to get you water and hand it over to you.

Your hand were shaking a bit as you accept it from him.

“I’m glad you’re already awake. How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice became more mature as well.

Your heart aches, longing for him. The past years that you were away from him, just proves you how much you love Jungwon. Your feelings for him didn’t change one bit.

“G-Good.” you stuttered while looking at him.

He nodded and looked over your injury. It’s just a small injury but he said he had to run some tests to you to make sure you are perfectly fine.

He was explaining to you in a very professional way and you can’t help but to feel amused. He’s really right in front of you, already a doctor just how he told you years ago. You are very proud of him.

But you wouldn’t lie, you’re a little hurt because he’s somehow acting like as if you’re not someone he dated for a long time before. Like you two were just schoolmates meeting each other again after years. It was like you didn’t laughed together, cried together, like you didn’t share secrets to one another, make dreams together, shared kisses. It was frustating.

He continued talking. You are barely listening. The only thing you think about was how happy you are to see him again. Your manager was the one who’s very attentive. You don’t know for how long it was but when its finally over, he bid good bye. You panicked a bit, couldn’t find the words you wanted to say. The years of being apart, you have a lot you wanted to talk about. Too many that you don’t even know where to start.

“Y/n, you all right?” you snapped back to reality when your manager suddenly talked to you.

When you roamed your eyes around, Jungwon was not there. He was gone.

“Oh, the doctor left since he’s said to have an operation. He really just stopped by to check on you.” your manager’s words caught you, but the last sentence she said left something. Did he really stopped by for you? Does that mean he still cares for you? You can’t help but to have small hope.

Being away from him didn’t change your love for Jungwon. If anything, you just realized how precious he is for you. You will be honest, you wanted to get back with him. Maybe start again, finally do your plans back then. You are ready to settle.

“Are you serious right now? What are you doing back there? You just got discharged last week.” you bit your lip as you slowly parked your car right at the parking lot of the hospital where Jungwon works at.

You spent almost three weeks healing yourself and you are now able to drive again. Two weeks in this hospital and one week at home. And now, you decided to pay him a visit here hoping you two can talk properly. The type of talk where you two catch up and not just about your damn injury.

“I c-came to thank him for taking good care of me and the nurses! Yes, the nurses were too nice I had to treat them. I promised them I’d treat them a meal.” it came out as an obvious excuse to see Jungwon. But you don’t care, nothing can stop you now. You’ve wasted years already, you don’t want to wait anymore.

“We both know you’re there to see Yang Jungwon, Y/n.” Sunoo on the other line was quick to catch you. He’s currently in a photoshoot and its their breaktime. He heard about your plan from your manager.

You let out a sigh and rested your back at the seat of your car. There’s no point in hiding it from him. He knew too well already. You two met again in some runway and ever since then you’ve become close again. He knows you’re doing something crazy and nothing can make you do these things, but Yang Jungwon.

“Fine. Yes, I’m here to see him. I just want to maybe talk to him, you know? Catch up with each other. Its been years ever since we saw each other, Sunoo.” you let yourself blabber.

You can hear some background sounds from where he is but it slowly disappeared as he moved somewhere more private.

“Yeah you’re right. Its been years already. A lot of things surely happened. He can be married already, Y/n.”

There it is... That one sentence you wished you will never hear. You know he’s right. Jungwon is an ideal and you do know his opinion about getting married and having a family of his own. You are the person he’s with when you planned all of it.

“I saw no ring over his fingers.” you tried arguing and convincing yourself that there's still hope for the two of you.

“Doctors removes their accessories since they—”

“Sunoo, please? Right now, I really don’t care about the doctor’s procedures or anything. I just want to talk to him.” he stopped talking and just listened to you. He understands your frustration and as your friend, hearing your desperation over your tone kind of hurts him.

He knows you’re partly blaming yourself for losing him, for losing what the two of you have. But he also knows that it was for the better that time. You needed to let him go to grow.

“I missed him so much and even if I try to deny it, I know its still him. I know I still love him and its him I long for. There’s a blank space in me that only Jungwon can fill.”

Sunoo closed his eyes and rested his head at the wall he was leaning on.

“Alright. Just call me if anything happens.” he surrenders. Its not like he can do anything about it anyway. You cannot be stopped and you know to yourself you wouldn’t let your chance go. You’ve waited long enough.

You thanked him and ended the call before you decided to go enter the hospital. Some people managed to recognize you, giving you small waves and some even approached to say hi.

When you arrived at the lobby where he usually stops by, the nurses there noticed you right away. Some stood up and greets you excitedly.

“Miss Y/n! How are you?!” one of them came up and help you with what you are holding. Foods, just like what you promised.

Nurses started to approach and say hi. They were very happy and thankful for the things you brought. As they were busy checking it out and chatting with you, you roamed your eyes around hoping to catch a glimpse of the handsome gentlemen.

“Dr. Yang? He’s currently performing a surgery, Miss. If you want to see him, you can just wait outside his office.” you blushed as you turn to face the nurse who seem to took notice of you searching for him.

You flashed her a quick smile and thanked her before making your leave. The hallways were pretty familiar because you stayed here for a while.

When you arrived in front of his office, you can see some people outside. Seems like they’re waiting for him as well. You felt a little hesitant if you’d stay or what, since it looks like its a busy day for him again. At the end, you decided to just say hi and then you can go.

You sat down next to a lady. When you two met eyes she flashed you a smile, but then her eyes grew a bit big.

“Y/n?” she exclaimed, completely shock at seeing you right now.

You smiled and waved a little, overwhelmed how she reacted just by seeing you.

“I’m a big fan! You’re very beautiful.” she said. While she greets you politely, you noticed how her smiles is very pretty.

“Thank you so much, you’re very pretty yourself.”

She was very nice and so its just natural how you both smoothly went into a conversation. As she was still busy showing her admiration for you, one nurse stopped right in front of where you two were sitting.

“Mrs. Yang?” she said.

You two snapped your head on the same time as what the nurse slowly sink to you, the smile over your lips slowly faded while you turn to face the lady in front of you once again.

She was smiling brightly, “Jane! Hello, oh no. I’ve come unannounced! Is he still at the operating room?” she said and stood up to gave the nurse a hug.

You on the other hand was still at shock. Your whole body felt numb and your head became blank. None of the words they were saying are making any sense to you. The only thing you can think of is the way she was addressed by the nurse. ‘Mrs. Yang.’

‘It can’t be.’ you thought to yourself. You were indenial. Your eyes shifted to look over her hand and your heart cracked at the sight of a ring, a very beautiful ring.

Your eyes are starting to water and so you quickly stood up to do the best thing you can think of. To leave.

The next scenes were blur for you, a lot of people over the hallways, some even bumped to you. You don’t care anymore, you are out of your own senses. Your breathing are heavy and unstable, you can feel yourself suffocating. The pain was too much for you. It was like the remaining air was being squeezed out of you, your lungs being pressed hardly.

When you made it to the parking lot, you lost it. Crouched down right beside your car, crying at the middle of the empty parking space. Thankfully, this part was pretty vacant. No people near you, you’re free to cry your hearts out because you don’t know what else to do. You know you have to cry it out or you’ll seriously explode.

You heard footsteps nearing you so you quickly raised your head and looked over your shoulder.

The first thing you saw was his familiar worried eyes. He’s wearing his cool uniform while looking at you full concern. Your heart ached even more, seeing him standing a few feet away from you but still felt like he was very far. Suddenly, there’s some barricade between you.

Jungwon stopped from his tracks and looked at you with worry. He pursed his lips and clenched his fist, slightly feeling bad that he doesn’t know what to do or say.

You slowly stood up and faced him. His heart hurts a bit seeing your face drenched with tears. Instantly, he was reminded of that night. The night that broke something in him and left a big scar.

“Y/n...” he started, he can’t continue his sentence right away as he felt a lump over his throat.

You inhaled heavily, trying to prepare yourself.

“Is she...?” you can’t finish your question.

The look over his eyes already gave you an answer, but you still waited for what he’s going to say.

“Yes. We got married a year ago.”

You raised your head and closed your eyes tightly. Your lips were shaking in so much pain and because you’re trying to keep yourself from making too much sound. Hearing it from him just broke you into million pieces. You felt like you’ve been ran into by a big truck and just left there, bleeding and dying. Only difference is you aren’t bleeding outside but you are dying inside.

“She’s v-very beautiful.” you managed to say and even tried hard to give him a smile.

He’s a bit blur from your perspective because you’re crying too much. You can feel every part of you aching. It was the worst of worst. You don’t even know if you can put into words how hurt you are right now.

“Y/n, I-I’m—”

“I’m h-happy for you, Jungwon. Really. I’m very h-happy for you.” you said and tears were just continuously streaming down your face. You cared less, you don’t care if he can see you at this state. You just have to let it out.

“I’m years late, but I just want you to know I’m very proud of you.” you silently thanked yourself for not stuttering at that part.

He clenched his jaw and pursed his lips, “Thank you, Y/n. I’m proud of you as well.”

You smiled and nodded your head. It was nice hearing that from him, but not enough to sooth the aching of your heart.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you.”

Your lips shakes as you try hard to keep your smile right after he said those words to you.

“I loved you so much, Y/n. You are one of the reasons why I am here now.” he said and smiled, you can see the corner of his eyes shining. He’s getting teary too.

He will admit, when he saw you again weeks ago his whole system shut down. You played a big part of him afterall.

“She...” he licked his lips and blinked his eyes to push back those tears. “saved me. She made me whole again after you left me broken.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

He smiled, “I understand why you did it and honestly, I will do the same thing again if we were back at that time again. You achieved your dreams, there’s nothing more I could ask for.”

As always, he’s still very nice.

“Are you happy, Jungwon?”

He didn’t answer right away, but you saw his eyes sparkled. For a moment, you saw the Jungwon you loved years ago.

“I am.”

Your heart was aching, but you flashed him a genuine smile.

“That’s a-all I have to know. You deserve to be happy, Jungwon.”

“You too.”

“Nice seeing you again.” he nodded and was about to say something more but then was called by a nurse.

Looks like there’s an emergency. He turned to face you.

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

‘Lie. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.’

“Nice seeing you again, Y/n.” he said and turned his back at you.

Your smile fell and tears streamed down even more as you watch him walking away. It was like the same scene that broke you years ago, only this one was even more hurtful.

“I’m sorry I was late.” you uttered.

You went inside your car and cried inside. Your whimpers were light, but the pain was too much. Suddenly, your memories with Jungwon flashed through your mind. From the first time you two met, your moments in the rooftop, when he joins you in that bus, the prom, and a lot more. Good and bad, you cherished them all.

You rest your head at the seat of your car and try to catch your breath. Just thinking about it now, you realized that he remained the same. The way he look after you and cared for you. He’s still so gentle towards you. He became a doctor like he said, married with a beautiful wife and soon will have the family he wanted.

Your hand rest over your chest as you feel it hurting even more.

The only thing that changed was you. You as a person and the you that was part of his plans were long gone. He wanted a comfortable life, you wanted pain. You were okay that time. Having a hard time, but you managed through. You ruined it and decided to leave him.

He wanted a bride and you were too busy chasing your dreams, to make your own name. You were blinded by the fact that he was achieving his dreams and you’re not. You’re too busy looking outside the picture and failed to notice how you have something very beautiful that time.

All of him remained the same. Your precious Jungwon, the one you loved back then and the one you are still loving now are still there. He stayed the same, while all of you changed, like midnight.

—————

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