#forever and ever. if anyone says anything mean or nothing or something weird I’ll explode

[nazumichi]

forgot I had a queue…..

[bokettochild]

Request: Fairy Hyrule, Minish Four and Bunny Legend cuddlefic? Mostly because I love the idea of hugging a bunny ten times your size. THINK OF THE (literal) FLUFF AND SOFTNESS

So... I got a bit caught up in the WHY of them all being Small, and... this happened.

It all got deleted halfway through and I had to rewrite it from memory, but it turned out okay (although I don't like the flow as much this time through), bt it's... a bit long. This baby was ten pages, and it took forever to get to the cuddling bit- sorry about that.

Anyways, Anon, here is your (long overdue) Tiny fic (it ain't tiny).

The others are laughing and it’s making him mad. Usually, he’s just smack them over the head (a much good as it would do, curse his weak arms) but usually he can reach that high.

Right now, he can’t.

Because right now, he’s a freaking rabbit

He’s a little pink rabbit sitting in the middle of a circle of heroes who are all laughing at him, and more than anything he wants to hop his freaking furry tail over to Warrior’s horrid choice of footwear and bite the shit out of the captain’s ankles; he deserves it (the rancher does to).

“How did this happen?” Hyrule wheezes out, and even though he wants to be, Legend finds that he can’t be mad at the healer, not when the kid’s face is flushed with laughter, his smile bright and carefree, golden gaze watery under the force of his bell-like laughter as it pricks at Legend’s sensitive ears.

“I don’t know!” Twilight wheezes from where he’s leaning against Time, hearty chuckles exploring from him unabashedly as he looks down at Legend. “We were scouting around the camp and when I turned around,” He gestures weakly to the veteran, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “Rabbit!”

Legend scowls. He doesn’t even know what happened. One minute he was walking and the next he was tumbling head over paws on the pathway. He’d refused to let Twilight carry him back to camp (if only to try and maintain whatever dignity he had left) and had waited hopefully for Twilight to retrieve the Master Sword for him, only for Warriors to stumble upon him with the darkest expression he’s ever seen on the captain’s face.

Warriors’ expression at seeing a rabbit might very well haunt Legend’s dreams for ages to come, and had prompted a squeak of fear from him that had sent Sky darting up from his seat. “Legend!” The Chosen Hero had shouted, concern in his sky-blue eyes as he had skidded to his knees at Legend’s side, cautious hands scooping him up and inspecting him for injuries in the brief moment where he was too shocked to protest. Of course, he wouldn’t stand it for long, and after pawing at Sky’s fingers with angry huffs and squeaks that he was going to hope the others would forget about, he had been released back onto the ground.

Which landed them where they were now, surrounded by cackling heroes as they stared down at the fluffy pink ball of fur that was their salty veteran.

“Wow vet, I’d’ve never guessed, a rabbit?” Warriors wheezes, eyes full of mirth. “No wonder we don’t get along!”

He rolls his eyes and growls as best as he can as a rabbit (not like he can growl anyway, but he tries none-the-less). “Just hand over the Master Sword so we can get this shit over with.” He squeaks, ignoring how his growls sound more like honks and chitters than anything threatening.

Sky looks at him oddly, as do several of the others, none of them (save Twi and Sky) apparently expecting him to be able to speak in this form, but the Chosen Hero obliges regardless, reaching back for the Master Sword and carefully settling it within Legend’s reach.

The cool cross-guard is comfortable under his paws, even if it is too big, and he sighs in relief as the power of the blade flows over him. In a moment, his form will disappear into the light and reappear, whole and Hylian, and fully capable of kicking some rancher ass.

Just a moment....

A second more...

He blinks his eyes open, violet flitting across the blade in mounting concern as he takes in the fluffy pink paws that are where his hands should be. Why isn’t it working? Why is he still a helpless rabbit?

“That’s weird.” Twilight and Sky both murmur, exchanging a worried glance as the Skyloftian retrieves the blade. He lunges after it though, not giving Sky a chance to inspect the blade and instead startling him with the weight of a rabbit in his lap as pink paws reach up to grasp the sword hilt again.

“Fi, explain.”

The sword spirit’s voice rings clear and cool in his head as Sky lowers the blade further, better into his reach. He hardly processes the motion, so focused on the words, which is perhaps why he doesn't question the stabilizing hand that lowers onto his back.

“Young Master,” Fi chimes softly in his mind. “The forces which have transformed you are not dark in nature. There is a 76% chance that they are in fact, of nature themselves. As such, my blade is unable to undo the curse. You will likely have to wait until this curse runs its course.”

“How long.” He grates out, nose shivering in irritation as his ears flick back, brushing gently against the Skyloftian's fingers and making Sky gasp softly.

“Processing....There is a 49% percent chance that this curse will fade and return you to your Hylian form in approximately three days' time, and there is a 27% percent chance that it will take a week for said change to occur. Additionally, there is a 15% percent chance that the curse will not fade, and a 9% chance that this curse will make you explode.”

A strangled screech escapes him and he doesn’t even realize his paws have released the sacred blade until they are grasping at his ears, tugging with all of the pent-up emotion inside of his body as he processes the words. Never mind the exploding bit, he might not turn back? There’s only a fifty-fifty chance that he’ll turn back in the next few days?

Sky’s long fingers drag through his fur gently, rubbing soothing circles over his back. “What did she say?”

“Three days!” He tugs his ears again. “Three days of being utterly useless and helpless, and it’s not even certain that I’ll turn back! I could be stuck like this forever! I could explode!”

“Exploding doesn’t seem likely-” Twilight attempts to calm him, but it only makes him tug his ears harder.

“Fi said it might happen!” He shouts back, high pitched and squeaky, and hating every second of it. He buries his face in the fabric beneath him, his rabbit heart pounding with panic and cold dread washing over him as the words continue to spew from his mouth. “And if Fi said it could happen than it might! And we were about to go into battle too! What’ll happen if someone gets hurt? I can’t help anyone and there's absolutely nothing that stupid bunny could do and-”

Someone’s scratching his ears.

Long fingers rubbing just right between them and Legend is helpless to tell them to stop because he’s too busy melting into a puddle in Sky’s lap at the sensation. All thoughts flee as he lets Sky’s hands drive away all worries. Should he be worried that he’s rendered speechless and vulnerable by something so simple? Probably, but Sky seems to know just how to place his hands and Legend can only hum in appreciation at the feeling, a squeaky purr escaping him as he leans into the sensation as Sky hums something soft and soothing under his breath. The vibrations carry down his fingers and tingle down Legend’s spine, calming him further.

“Cute.” Twilight's voice breaks him from his thoughts, and he’s pulling back from Sky’s hands and glaring up at the rancher with all the fury he can fit in his now tiny body.

“He’s not wrong, Kit.” Time chuckles soft and low, and Legend whips his head around to stare at the man.

“Oh no, you are not giving me a nickname!”

“Yeah Time,” Sky’s voice is low and mirthful as he speaks, hand once more settling on Legend’s back as he lifts an arm to block the vet from launching himself at their leader. “He’s my descendant, if anyone should be giving him a nickname it’s me.”

“How about Nibbles?” The sailor grins, leering into Legend’s space with enough mischief in his gaze to kill a Lynel. “I mean, the vet is always chewing us out.”

He forgets for a moment that his growls sound more like chirps in this form, baring his teeth at the sailor as he attempts to frighten him off. It doesn’t work, rabbits aren’t made to scare off bigger animals “So help me sailor I-”

Large hands scoop him off the ground and suddenly he’s being cradled in Sky’s arms. Like a baby. The indignity! “Calm down, Bun, he’s just kidding.” Sky’s crystal eyes glimmer with genuine concern as he looks down at Legend. “And we’ll find a way to change you back, I promise. The goddesses wouldn’t have let you change like this if it was for the worse. You’ll see,” Sky bops his nose with a smile entirely too pure. “It’ll be fine.”

Legend would like to argue that point, the goddesses have never shown any particular interest in what’s best for him before, and most of them seem to find humor in ruining his life time and again (except the Golden Trio, they’re alright he guesses, especially Din), but Sky looks so certain and Legend’s honestly too tired to start a big fight about Hylia again. (Heaven knows the last time he made Sky mad he nearly shat himself at how terrifyingly defensive Sky could get about those he loved). It doesn’t matter anyway, he supposes, as Sky’s already standing and making is way back to their main camp, gait just smooth enough not to jostle his reluctant passenger as Legend slumps in place.

He might as well let this happen, at least until he can figure out how to fix it.

It’s official.

Legend hates being a bunny.

They’ve settled down for dinner and as if to mock him and all that he loves, Wild has been struck with the inspiration to make his absolutely heavenly radish stew. The one that Legend would literally sell some of his rings for because it is that good.

And he can’t eat it.

He tried, and that attempt resulted in both himself and Sky covered in broth, the thick liquid clinging to his fur now as he sits on the ground with some raw fruits and vegetables instead. He doesn’t know that he’ll ever be able to eat it again without being forced to remember nearly drowning in the stuff.

He feels like a baby and he hates it.

He’s soaked himself and his ancestor and food and Warriors still isn’t done tittering about it.

He really hates being a bunny.

The others have nearly stepped on him numerous times, simply because they aren’t used to having to watch underfoot, so every time someone walks over to Wild to get seconds (why did the Champion sit next to him and Sky in the first place?) he has to back-peddle onto his haunches to avoid being crushed under heavy boots and even heavier feet.

Add to that that Wild and Wind both subconsciously reach out to pet his bedraggled fur every few minutes and he’s absolutely fed up with this shit!

At least the Champion was willing to lend him something to dry his fur off with, and even if he hates it, the spare brush Warriors has on hand does a decent job of detangling his fluffy hide. If he melts a little in Twilight’s lap as the rancher goes over him with the brush than no one says anything (although both Sky and Time have infuriating matching smiles on their faces).

But then it’s bedtime and Time is sorting through his things to try and make sure that no one person will have to carry all his stuff, and he’s reminded once again how utterly useless he is in this form. It only makes things worse that he knows that the others will be burdened with his bags, and considering his top speed at the moment can only be held for short sprints, he’s pretty sure the Old Man is going to have someone carry him too.

The very idea makes him puff out his fur in irritation.

At the very least though, he doesn’t have to worry much about how he’s going to handle the cold nights, Sky’s already taken his beloved sailcloth and bundled it into a little nest, and the minute Twilight is done with his fur the Chosen Hero is scooping him up and laying him in it (absently, he wonders if Sky might have a stronger paternal instinct than Time and if his own small form is triggering that). The fabric is warm though, and it’s nice. If Sky curls up around him in the middle of the night though, well, he supposes there’s not really much he can do about that.

Sky does curl around him and he’s trapped.

The Skyloftian may look soft and cuddly, but he’s got an iron grip when he’s asleep, and it’s only by the pure squishability of his current form that he’s able to escape (Sky will be disappointed when he wakes up, he knows, but even so, Legend doesn’t intend on staying a rabbit, not for a whole week, especially when there’s monsters out there.

Perhaps the thought of said monsters should dissuade him, but it doesn’t. He knows now what triggered this change, and he’s determined to hunt it down and trick it into changing him back, he just needs to escape his babysitters for a hot tic in order to do so.

It’s a lucky thing that Four and Warriors are both so drowsy that the feather light step of a rabbit doesn’t catch their attention as the two sit on watch, and Legend’s able to creep over to his bag (positioned with Twilight’s things) and dig through it until he finds what he needs.

You can’t go making deals with the fae unless you have something of value, or those tricksters will rob you blind and steal your first born. Not that Legend ever intends on having kids, but on the off chance that he ever did he’d rather they didn’t have a shitty life because he made an error in dealing with a forest sprite.

Come to think of it, how powerful are the forest people of this time?

Warriors looks seconds away from walking up to Sky’s sleeping form and throwing Legend as far as he can into the distance, and it’s making Four nervous.

Rationally, they know that Warriors wouldn’t consciously do such a thing, but they also know how much Warriors hates rabbits in general, and that the captain’s initial instinct at seeing them is to toss them away from himself as far as possible (never mind how rare a real rabbit is, Warriors’ time is apparently full of them and Warriors hates them). They’ve heard the story, how the captain was made to hunt rabbits down across his world and return them to their homes, the fact that he did so by throwing them is a bit concerning considering the delicate bone structure of the animals, but it’s not Wars’ fault that he doesn’t know that.

All the same, Four would feel a bit more secure if they knew that Wars wouldn’t be doing such a thing.  (Rationally, they know he won’t, but rationality is only so much of the equation).

“I’m gonna check on the vet.” They murmur softly to their companion. Somethings not right and they hope it’s just Warriors’ previous retellings of his own rabbit-escapades eating at them and not something else. “Sky’s got a grip like a vice when he sleeps and I don’t want him getting crushed.”

Never mind that being small sucks when it’s this cold out. Four desperately hopes that it won’t rain tonight (although the air tastes right for it).

“Rabbits are tough little things,” The captain chuckles. “I’m sure he’s okay.”

Vio wrenches control from the others, gaze flat as he stares out at Wars. “You do know most rabbits can’t survive being thrown, right? They’re not like cats, if they land wrong their done for.”

The captain pales slightly but doesn’t say anything, and they take that as their cue to stand and make their way over to where Sky and the vet had bedded down for the night. Sure enough, Sky is curled up around the sailcloth nest he made for Legend like a child curled around their favorite stuffed animal (or Red with any of the rest of them), but at the very least it doesn’t look as if Legend would have been smashed, just caged. They wince, the vet doesn’t sleep well on a good night, but waking up to being trapped? That is...not good. There’s a reason they never force him to join everyone else when Red takes over and calls for a cuddle pile; everyone knows that the most Legend will stand is letting Hyrule hold his hand while he sleeps, and even then, the vet will still pull away when he finally does fall asleep.

Sky shifts (he’s a heavy sleeper, but all the same he moves a lot), arms wrapping tighter around the bundle in his arms. Tight enough that the sailcloth gives way. Sky’s face screws up in his sleep, wrapping even tighter around the bundle as if seeking out some form of resistance.

Four panics. Bunnies are delicate creatures and Sky is strong, did he just crush Legend?

Only, looking closer, Vio points out that there isn’t even a hint of pink amidst the fabric, and when Four dares reach out to test the bundle himself, they find that there is nothing within its folds.

“Four?” Warriors’ voice is tinged with concern as Four stand back up from his crouch, brows pinched together as he scans over the camp. “Is something wrong?”

“Legend’s missing.”

The captain’s brows shoot up, but thankfully he doesn’t bother with questioning them, instead hoisting himself to his feet and making his way around the camp, an ever-growing frown marring his features as he looks around. “Did he choose to sleep with Hyrule instead?” It’s a soft murmur, likely only spoken aloud because Wars is too tired to stop it before it reaches his mouth, but Four’s eyes flick over to where the Traveler sleeps regardless.

“I don’t think so.”

“Look,” Warriors groans softly, not loud enough to wake the others, stopping at Twilight’s bedroll and motioning to the bags stacked near the rancher's pillow. “His bag is open.”

“You don’t think he climbed inside of it, do you? We’d never find him!”

The captain gives him a look, blinking once before shaking his head. “No! But he was clearly trying to get at something.” Royal blue eyes turn to stare out at the forest. “What are the chances he went back out there, alone?”

Four hesitates, fingers drumming on his thigh as the colors swarm in his mind. “I don’t know, but I should probably check.”

“We need to watch camp.” The older hero frowns.

“You watch camp, I’ll go out there.”

“You can’t go alone, Four, it’s not safe.” Wars reminds him, concern glinting in his gaze as he turns back to the smithy.

“Fine.” Blue’s the only reason they roll their eyes, they swear. “I’ll take Hyrule. If the vet’s fallen down a hole or something then we can take care of it immediately.”

A smile breaks out across Warriors’ face, even if it is slightly strained. “Funny how that’s even a risk now.”

“Don’t I know it.” Besides, at least Hyrule seems to have a second sense for these sorts of things. Like Sky and Twilight, he has a knack for tracking down the others, especially if he needs to find Time for whatever reason. Four’s seen it themselves, it’s uncanny, but incredibly useful, so they’ve never really questioned it (Vio has, Vio has questioned it enough to give them a head-ache).

It’s the work of a minute to shake the traveler awake, as he’s one of the lightest sleepers of them all, and it takes even less time for them to be off, the simple words “Legend’s gone” being enough to send the traveler springing up and following closely after Four, one hand on his sword as the two of them make their way back into the depths of the forest.

Legend should know better than to try and make a deal with the fae.

Hyrule can recognize the look of a fairy about to claim her prize in an instant, and it appears Legend is about as clueless as a bunny can be about the loophole that he must have left open in whatever twisted deal the two have concocted. Anger burns in his blood as a whisper-hisses through his teeth, a few words all it takes before he’s zipping between the two of them, wings beating furiously as all six of his eyes stare into those of the other with nothing short of pure fury.

“Mine!” He hisses, darting forwards in a fake charge at the other, wings whirring angrily as his eyes stare at them “Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!” His voice contorts and buzzes, his aura flickering brighter and sharper as he zooms down to hover over Legend’s ears. “MINE.”

“What is your claim?”  The other chimes smugly. “What promise or service marks him as yours? Where is the Mark that makes a mortal the charge of a fae, hmm? Show it to me and I will release him to your care.” Glistening teeth glimmer as multiple eyes glisten with malice, jealousy over a potential catch making the fairy’s gaze spark dangerously. “Else ways, leave us be, our deal is near set and you have no business to interrupt it.”

“His true form,” He hisses. “There is my Mark on his hand. The Triangle, my symbol.” He hisses through bared teeth, every eye slitted and glimmering with fury. He can’t lie, not even if he tried, but he’s fae and they’re more skilled than anyone at finding tricks to get around things. The triforce is his symbol, something he’s recognizable by in his world, but it’s not only on his hand, the others bear the same mark and even if it isn’t Fae in origin, it's from the Scared Realm and none can deny that it sets them apart. Anyways, the Fae know mortals by their markings, this should be enough of a claim to make her renounce her dealings with Legend.

No fae dares mess with the Charge of another.

“What is your proof? Can you show me?” She taunts.

“My power isn’t that strong.” He hisses. “You do it and then you’ll see!”

“And give him what he asks without receiving my due? Oh no little Half-Blood.” She glares at him. “Give me Good Reason or leave alone.”

“He is goddess born.” He hisses out finally, grasping at straws. Mother only taught him so much of Fae law, but surely there’s something against touching those blessed by the heavens, right? “Hylia’s child descended. To touch him or any other of Mine is to plead wrath from the Scared Realm.” A sly smile slides over pointed teeth. “Would you wish that on Yours?”

She pales. “Mark your own in all forms, Halfling. This would not happen if you did.” It’s all she cares to say though, zipping away without another word.

“Do I want to know what I just avoided?” Legend’s voice croaks up at him, faint and pitchy all the same as he looks up to the fairy above him.

“I don’t know. But never, and I mean NEVER, make deals with fae again. Not even me! You can’t break promises or be too careful, you never know what they’ll do.” Two of his eyes glance over his shoulder to ensure that the other Fae is gone for good.

“I was trying to be careful.” Legend huffs, his breath sending Hyrule higher over his head for a moment before the fairy regains his balance. “They’re clever little-” He cuts off, violet eyes narrowing and bunny nose shivering as he looks up at Hyrule again. “You’re a fairy.”

His aura dims slightly, wings drooping ever so slightly as he looks down at his mentor. “Yes.”

Legend stares, violet piercing and sharp. Hyrule has never noticed the hint of gold that bands his irises, nor the flecks of blue that glisten under the effects of a fairy’s glow, and it only makes the Veteran’s stare all the more intense.

“Huh.” The bunny huffs softly. “That’s pretty neat, ‘Rulie.” There's no anger, no accusation in his tone, and when Hyrule brings his gaze up to meet that of his mentor again, all he sees is fondness and intrigue. “Is this new? An item? Were you- no,” Legend’s ears prick forwards, his interest obvious as he leans forward. (Hyrule wonders if the vet realizes that he's smelling him.) “You speak like They do. This isn’t new.”

It’s not a question.

“I’m, uh, half fairy.”

Legend nods slowly. “And you didn’t think to tell anyone?” At the dimming of Hyrule’s glow the vet pulls away, eyes flashing with panic for a moment. “I don’t mean that as a bad thing, ‘Rule, just-” He cocks his head long ears flopping to one side sloppily. “It’s not something I’d think you’d want to hide. Seems pretty useful to me.”

And by useful, Hyrule knows Legend means cool.

“I told Four.” He nods to the Hylian standing over them. The smithy’s eyes flicker various colors, his lips pulling aside into a slight smile as he crouches to be closer to their height.

“Now I’m taller than both of you.” Four chuckles softly, crimson tinged gaze sweeping over the two of them.

“Don’t get smart.” Legend huffs. “This is a curse, not my true form, you’d be tiny too if you were cursed into an animal form. Probably smaller than me!”

There’s a knowing look in the smithy’s gaze, but he holds his silence, smile still present as he carefully looks over the both of them. “Well, if neither of you were harmed in that little exchange, we should get back to camp. Wars will be in a huff if we don’t back with you soon.”

Legend huffs his own huff, but doesn’t object, gathering up the glimmering item he had brought as a toll (Hyrule thinks it might be a precious stone of some sort) and slowly hopping after the Smithy as he turns back towards camp.

They’d have made it to camp rather quickly too, if the sky hadn’t chosen that moment to weep out it’s sorrow with the world and the evils within. Great sheets of rain, the likes of which they usually only expect from the Champion’s Hyrule, flood down over them, and Hyrule thanks all things Holy that Legend is there to break his fall as the water soaks his wings and sends him careening towards the earth. Four yelps in surprise, hands fumbling for his hood as he tried to fend off some of the wet (it does little good, they’ll be soaked in seconds in this downpour.

“In here!” Legend squeaks, the rabbit hero already darting into the nearest hollow he can see that isn’t clearly inhabited. It’s a tight squeeze, and Hyrule nearly knocks his head on the bark of the opening, but Legend gets the both of them under, and despite the mushrooms that seem to fill the space with a soft light, it’s a comfortable fit for the two of them. The ground beneath is laid with moss, purposefully it would seem, and Hyrule lets himself side down into it with an appreciative hum.

“What about Four?” He murmurs softly, looking out of the crevice through which they entered. It’s still pouring buckets, and unlike them, the smithy has no dry place to hide (heavens knows the camp will be soaked. He feels terrible for the others).

“What about me?”

Violet and gold turn upwards as twin gasps escape the two. Four, in all of his minish glory, waves back at them from where he’s perched on top of one of the mushrooms. “Minish portal.” He smiles cheerily (but Hyrule can Taste the nervousness rolling off of him).

“Wait, both of you get small?” Legend’s ears stand up straight, brushing the roof of their shelter. “Smaller?” He corrects himself.

Four rolls his eyes. “It was get soaked or get small. I don’t fancy catching a cold, so I chose small.” He wrinkles his nose (it will never stop being cute), hopping down from the mushroom and free falling into the dampened fur of his rabbit-companion. “Now shut up and let me warm up, you’re bigger than I am and since you left me out there to soak I think I can get away with using you to warm up.”

Hyrule’s laughter rings soft and sweet through the hollow, Legend’s vaguely offended expression only adding fuel to the fire as he flits closer. “The vet doesn’t really mind cuddles, do you Ledge? Besides,” He lets his wings fall still, embracing the warmth of Legend’s soft fur as he lands in it lightly. “We just saved his ass.”

Legend turns his head to stare at the two of them, but even in rabbit form his lips twitch with amusement as he shoves him nose into Four’s personal space, making the minish-hero tumble down into the moss with a faint yelp. “You’re soaking.”

The smith grins back, plunging right back into the warm pink fur. “That wasn’t a refusal.”

“One time.” Legend huffs, ears flicking briefly. “One time only, smithy. Enjoy it while you can.”

“Trust me,” Four sighs, plonking down against the vet and leaning into the plush fur around him. “I will.”

It takes mere seconds before Four has drifted off, and Hyrule is reminded that the smith was keeping watch for most of the night before they had gone out looking for Legend. Guilt, sickly-sweet, yet bitter, taints his tongue as Legend stares down at the tiny form curled against him. Hyrule sighs. “I guess he was more tired than I thought.”

Legend only huffs, ears flicking back and nose shivering as he noses the smithy’s sleeping from. Four’s dropped off like a stone, completely dead to the world as Legend curls around him (not dissimilar to how Sky had curled around him earlier that night), easing the gentle shivers of the smith, who noses deeper into Legend’s pelt. Tiny paws coming up to catch hold of pink fur as Four curls up, feather-like tail brushing against the top of his tiny nose, moved only by tiny snores that make Legend’s ears twitch and Hyrule giggle softly.

“The rains still pouring down.” Legend hums, gruff as he can be in his current state, but Hyrule knows it’s all an act. “You might as well get some sleep too, ‘Rulie.”.

And while any other time Hyrule may have argued, Legend lifts his head to offer the space next to Four, and if Legend is offering cuddles, especially with his silky soft fur as a barrier against the cold, Hyrule knows he can’t resist it.

Four’s paw catches hold of him the instant he settles next to the smithy, and before he knows it the two of them are both bundled up in each other while Legend curls himself around them, breath soft and soothing as his heart pit-patters away inside of him.

That’s how they wake the next morning.

Wolfie’s nose shoved against the crack in the bark is what pulls them back from the land of dreams, and the soft snuffling bark followed by Time’s voice is what gets them up on their feet. It’s an awkward thing, emerging into the light again to find five heroes and a wolf staring down at them in a mixture of confusion and concern, but nobody seems to be able to bring themselves to scold when Four sneezes.

“We got caught in the storm.” Legend huffs when he sees the soft expression on Time’s face.

Wolfie huffs, and, much to the surprise of the currently shrunken heroes, they can hear the laugh in it. “Of course you did.”

Hyrule’s mouth drops open, all six eyes bugging out in shock as he turns to Four. The fairy’s whisper is high and shocked, but too sharp a noise for Hylian ears, although Legend, Wolfie and Four can all hear him quite clearly. “Wolfie is Twilight!”

[stardustprompts]

the poppy war - r.f kuang   sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :   drugs , death , murder , nsfw , prostitution mention , language

‘take off your clothes.’

‘why would anyone drug themselves before a test?’

‘you’re about to be a very lucky girl, sweet.’

‘wow that’s great. really great. Terrific.’

‘your folks are assholes.’

‘well fuck the heavenly order of things.’

‘don’t you have actual responsibilities?’

‘I don’t want to get on _____ ‘s bad side.’

‘you would make a terrible prostitute. no charm.’

‘what is so wrong with getting married?’

‘do you want to die?’

‘everything is spilling out of my head as quickly as I put it in.’

‘please do not commit spousal homicide.’

‘give me a way out of this shithole.’

‘hello, I’m praying.’

‘I seduced him with my nubile young body. you caught me.’

‘you can’t scare me into a confession, because I’m telling the truth.’

‘and that means you’re shit at your job.’

‘if you cross them���- if they even think you’ve looked at them funny—- they can and will hurt you.’

‘it’s easy to lose a language when you never speak it.’

‘you’re offending them with your very presence.’

‘they’ll make you an outsider, because you’re not like them.’

‘no matter what they say, you deserve to be here.’

‘I’ll kill you. I will fucking kill you.’

‘I went out in the sun once. you should try it sometime.’

‘oh, you’re the one ____ hates.’

‘you’d be a prick too if your family was both rich and attractive.’

‘honestly? I think he just comes in here to get high.’

‘I think you’re flattering yourself.’

‘unless you’ve got a weapon, don’t aim for the face. the neck’s a better target.’

‘we aren’t here to be sophisticated. we’re here to fuck people up.’

‘this is the only kick you’ll ever need, really. a kick to bring down the most powerful warriors.’

‘power dictates acceptability.’

‘he hasn’t done anything to earn my respect. all he’s done is act high and mighty.’

‘you’re nothing. you shouldn’t even be here.’

‘consider me bullied and intimidated, just let me sleep.’

‘he’s playing with her. he’ll end it soon.’

‘they’re good at fighting, but not much else.’

‘spend a lot of time looking at ____’s eyes do you?’

‘a betrayal of that sort would not have been out of character.’

‘come on, you belong here too.’

‘they’re not going to get rid of me like this. not this easily.’

‘I’m calm! I’m extremely calm!’

‘you’d rather kill your own people than let the opponent’s army walk away?’

‘you don’t let an enemy walk away if they’ll certainly be a threat to you later.’

‘he can’t stop raving about you.’

‘oh, don’t pretend to be bashful. you love it.’

‘you’re a walking disaster.’

‘anyone this obstinate deserves some attention, if only to make sure you don’t become a walking hazard to everyone around you.’

‘I heard he got drunk on rice wine last week and pissed into ____’s window. he sounds awesome.’

‘it’s me, your favorite person in the whole wide world.’

‘I do not have a problem. you are making up this problem for reasons unbeknownst to me.’

‘you’re killing the mood.’

‘they were weak as shit. scrawnier than you, even.’

‘you’re a real asshole. you know that right?’

‘your state of mind is just as important as the state of your body.’

‘sometimes you must loose the string to let the arrow fly.’

‘because I want to break his stupid face.’

‘he’s the most dangerous when he’s desperate.’

‘from this point on you’re just going to be a danger to yourself and everyone around you.’

‘you’re too reckless. you hold grudges, you cultivate your rage and let it explode, and you’re careless about what you’re taught.’

‘I knew I was the only one that could help him.’

‘they honed his rage like a weapon, instead of teaching him to control it.’

‘one urinating statue for my easily entertained friend.’

‘I don’t believe in gods. but I believe in power.’

‘one might say you’ve been obsessed with ____.’

‘don’t look to your left. pretend you’re taking to me.’ / ‘I am talking to you.’

‘we’re studying very weird things.’

‘I don’t actually know what I’m getting into.’

‘here is what happened: you called a god, and the god answered.’

‘you know that if you don’t get answers now, the hunger will consume you and your mind will crack.’

‘you’ve glimpsed the other side and you can’t rest until you fill in the blanks.’

‘supernatural is a word for anything that doesn’t fit your present understanding of the world.’

‘I’m supposed to take it as true that you’re a god?’

‘I’m not a god. I am a mortal who has woken up, and there is power in awareness.’

‘are we getting high? oh, wow. we’re getting high.’

‘ah. the law. so inconvenient. so irrelevant.’

‘we are not madmen. but how can we convince anyone of this, when the rest of the world believes it so?’

‘the price of power is pain.’

‘I understand the truth of things. I know what it means to exist.’

‘prey do not question the motives of the predator. the dead do not question the living. mortals do not challenge the gods.’

‘I killed for you. I would have done anything for you.’

‘I have seen the end of things. the shape of the world has changed.’

‘war doesn’t determine who’s right. war determines who remains.’

‘it’s alright. I know what you are.’

‘I thought I was the only one left.’

‘we have developed the power to rewrite the fabric of this world. if we don’t use it, then what’s the point?’

‘I don’t mess with that shit. it screws you up.’

‘I understand the appeal, I really do, but I like having my mind to myself.’

‘he’s a charmer. like a new puppy. you think he’s adorable until he pisses on the furniture.’

‘there’s no routine. no discipline. nothing you’re used to. am I right?’

‘so you’re the last of your kind. that’s sad.’

‘If you hold the fate of the country in your hands, if you have accepted your obligation to your people, then your life ceases to be your own.’

‘____ feared, and so he held you back.’

‘great danger is always associated with great power. the difference between the great and the mediocre is that the great are willing to take that risk.’

‘don’t ever let go on that anger. rage gives you power. caution does not.’

‘don’t give in... you’ve been so brave... but it takes more bravery to resist the power.’

‘the nature of this god is to destroy. the nature of this god is to be greedy, to never be satisfied with what he has consumed.’

‘so. screaming at rocks. is that, like, normal behavior here?’

‘fix this. prove your worth. do your fucking job or get out.’

‘I saved your life. doesn’t that make us at least a little square?!’

‘I was scared of you. and I lashed out.’

‘I thought I was better than you, and I’m not. I’m sorry.��

‘when I killed it, it felt like murder.’

‘look, I’m happy to discuss this, really, but I’m currently leaking life out three different wounds and I think I may pass out. would you give me a moment?’

‘well maybe ____ should get his head out of his ass.’

‘ ____ is more fragile than you think.’

‘look, asshole, I don’t need you to tell me what to do.’

‘they say he can read the future. shatter minds.’

‘you misunderstand the nature of our relationship. I am not your friend.’

‘he’s not human. he—- I don’t know what he is.’

‘but ___ was never allowed to be human.’

‘do you trust me?’ / ‘no. but that’s irrelevant.’

‘you don’t know what true suffering is.’

‘I have seen more than my fair share of suffering.’

‘that boy is beyond redemption. that boy is broken like the rest.’

‘I don’t want to be saved! I want power!’

‘that power will destroy everything you’ve ever loved. you will defeat your enemy, and the victory will turn to ashes in your mouth.’

‘we’ve missed something. something’s been laid out for us, but we can’t see it.’

‘fretting won’t make the dead come back to life.’

‘there was nothing human in those eyes.’

‘It was a nightmare, and I couldn’t wake up.’

‘I don’t need your pity. I need you to kill them for me.’

‘whatever it takes. swear it on your life. swear it for me.’

‘I won’t judge him. I don’t dare, because I don’t have the right. and neither do you.’

‘you asked me why I wouldn’t stop him. now you understand. you can’t stop an avenger. you can’t reason with a madman.’

‘I am afraid of what he might do in his quest for vengeance. and I am afraid that he is right.’

‘I am about to do something terrible. and you will have a choice.’

‘they give nothing to the universe, and the universe owes them nothing in return.’

‘you cannot survive my death.’

‘you’re trying to deceive me. you don’t get to deceive me.’

‘this is not the way. this path leads only to darkness.’

‘when are you going to stop being such a damn coward? what are you running from?’

‘you will turn the world to ash, and only demons will live in the rubble.’

‘you dress up your crusade with moral arguments, when in truth you would let millions die if it means you get your so-called justice.’

‘you have not cared about anything for a very long time. you are broken.’

‘I am terrified. but only because I’m starting to remember who I once was. don’t go down that path.’

‘your country is ash. you can’t bring it back with blood.’

‘I’m so sorry. I tried to warn you.’

‘you know the worst part? we’re so close to home.’

‘did you miss me? did you miss this?’

‘I just gave him some of his favorite medicine.’

‘resistance here means suffering. there is no escape. no future.’

‘you have nothing to fight for anymore’

‘what are you defending? you owe ____ nothing.’

‘we were disposable. we were tools. tell me that doesn’t make you furious.’

‘I am sick with fury.’

‘I will die on my feet. I will not die a coward. and neither will you.’

‘we could stay here. we could stay here forever. we wouldn’t have to go back.’

‘you’ll have to live with the consequences. but you’re brave ... you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.’

‘I have lost everything I care about. I don’t want peace, I want revenge.’

‘I don’t need to sleep. I need to feel nothing.’

‘do you want forgiveness? I can’t give you that.’

‘we avenged him. he’s gone, but avenged.’

‘you have to believe that it was necessary. that it stopped something worse. and even if it wasn’t, it’s the lie we’ll tell ourselves, starting today and every day afterward.’

‘aren’t you supposed to be a seer? do you ever see anything useful?’

‘we have an enemy whom we love.’

‘I’m going to find and kill everyone responsible. you cannot stop me.’

‘oh I’m not going to stop you.’

[geekygoddesss]

You

Summary: After Tom breaks the longest relationship he’s ever had, both of them seem to handle the breakup in a completely different way. 

Words: 12k

A/N: first part of a serie!

“You” chapter list

January 4th, 2020 - The night 

For some reason tonight Tom couldn’t keep his hands still. It was the first time in years were he was actually nervous, he didn’t like that at all. 

He has gone down a couple of drinks already, the night was still young, but time was running so slow he was starting to feel this exact moment in his life would life forever, and he was starting to grow anxious as never before. 

When he turned his head to the right, the only thing he could see were the blinding lights going all around the room, accompanied by the loud music and gigantic crowd that naturally came with it. If he took a closer look it was easy for him to spot familiar faces, people that were dancing and having fun without him, people he loves but that might be about to start hating him. Because he hasn’t done a single thing and he already feels like a bad person. 

Those bright green eyes he knows so well shined directly towards him, and he couldn’t not spot them as they turned to him, that was something that came with having a good eye sight. The face of his girlfriend was smiling to him, waving him to come join her, but he wasn’t in the mood, so he shook his head in denial.

He knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer, he knew her like the palm of his hands, she never gave up so easily. 

It was only a matter of seconds - and couple blinks - to have her standing right in front of him, hands on his shoulders and the biggest smile on her face. She was happy tonight, he felt bad. 

“There you are!” she yelled, even though he could perfectly hear her, but the euphoria was kicking her hard.  “Why are you sitting down?! This is a party” she fake frowned, as she took a look at him up and down. 

He did what he does best, act natural and mask shit out. After all, that’s all he could possibly do to avoid tension. 

“It’s called a small break, genius” he rolled his eyes, letting out a sarcastic tone that came out playful.

“Right, sorry” she said, going in to take a sit right beside him.

Feeling her arms go around his waist made him even more nervous. When he turned his head to the side, her lips crashed messily into his, greeting him peck, and letting him know she was indeed having a very fun night, but not only that, she was silently telling him she cared and she hoped he was having a good night too. 

I’m a bad person. 

That thought wouldn’t stop going around his head as time went by, and as he opened his eyes and saw hers, she moved over and went to take the last sip of his drink, he felt even worse. She was unusually happy, and he was about to ruin it from all sudden. 

Should he give some sort of hint before exploding the bomb? 

Should he leave it out for another occasion? 

Would it be better is he said it now? 

None, none of those answers seemed like a good option. He was second guessing himself and that was even worse. It was going to be a disaster and there was no way to evict that. 

Scratch that, I’m a terrible person. 

A couple of big hands landed on his shoulders from all sudden, making him jump in place and sending shivers down his spine. She got scared too at the sudden move, but she smiled right after, once she saw the face behind the small prank, and the one that gave Tom the scare of his life. 

“Baby!” Tuwaine’s voice busted in his ears out of the blue, and almost knock him out of his seat. 

“Shit!” He exclaimed, doing his best to not fall over “Fuck! Don’t do that, shitface” 

As he turned, he appreciated the face of one of his best mates and his girlfriend right beside him, both of them looking just as euphoric as his own girlfriend, and acting concerned for his lack of excitement tonight, which was good for a season like this. No work, free time, a night to remember… it was weird for Tom to be so serious, it was only on him to make it look as natural as it could be. 

“Why are you sitting down?” Tuwaine asked. 

“That is exactly what I said” (Y/n) argued, as he watched the pair taking a seat right in front of them. 

“I don’t feel like dancing tonight, I enjoy watching you trying to get some moves right” Tom excused, directing an awkward grin to his best friend. 

“I do a good job, compared to you, you just do alright” Tuwained mocked. 

Allison, his girlfriend, laughed “Good one” she giggled, pinching his cheek and grabbing the drink she has been sipping from for the last half an hour. 

They’ve been at this bar for a while already, Tom has lost count of how long it has been since they arrived, but for all he knows, he has done through a couple of drinks already, and he would keep going, but he can’t. He needs a clear mind tonight and he couldn't mess that up. 

“Another round, gentlemen? Tequila, (Y/n)?” Allison offered, raising a hand for the waiter to come. 

“I wouldn’t mind that” (Y/n) shrugged, showing a smile. 

“I’ll have one more too” Tuwaine agreed, nodding to his girl as he leaned on the table.

He had to admit he was taking this situation better than he expected. He held his girl’s hand, kissed her on the cheek, caught up on a previous conversation with his best friend, took the liberty to take another beer, and before he knew it, the situation was looking more normal in his eyes. 

It was the first time in months he’s been in a bar in London, he has been out for work and all over the world for so long, having some time to stay home made him feel calmed and better. After staying at his apartment, reflecting on life and hardly going out for almost a full week, it was the first time in a very long time he had a night out with his close ones and he was grateful for it. 

… but still he was extremely sorry for this night to be the night. 

With his head off elsewhere, he kept his girl close as he nodded at the words of his best friend, sipped on his beer and heard (Y/n) ask questions to keep the conversation alive. He didn’t comment or participated, he just listened, he didn’t want to take part in the mix and say anything stupid, he just needed to be present and act natural. 

It was difficult to remain fairly sober when he had to face something like this, it was his third drink already, and without intending it, he was going through it faster than usual, maybe it was because he was barely speaking, but as the conversation went on, the bottle became empty as time passed, and he didn’t like that. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to gain himself an assisted ride home and slide words of his mouth that weren’t intended, he needed to get ahold of himself, unless he wanted to start creating wrong opinions from his closest friends. 

The light shifted in the room, the DJ became inspired, and in the blink of an eye everyone in the crowd started cheering with excitement. It wasn’t weird at all, he knew why, those were 90’s songs, everyone loves those. The night was starting to come alive with every second and he could see his friends vibing with it, he could see it in how their faces changed and the mood lit up even more. For a second he felt jealous, very jealous. They were having a genuinely good time, and here he was, making a mess of his own mind by worrying about something that has been hammering him for weeks. 

He couldn’t wait to get it out of his head. He couldn’t wait to feel himself again. 

“Oof I love that song, that’s it” Allison cheered, grabbing (Y/n)‘s sleeve and jumping with excitement. “Bye, boys” 

As usual, she just laughed at her friend’s reaction and jumped off her seat at that weird queue, looked back at Tom suggestively and nodded towards the dance floor. 

He shifted uncomfortably. 

“Go dance, we’ll stay here” Tom assured both of the girls, silently telling Tuwaine to make him company. 

Surprisingly none of them fought him, like he was expecting them to. Allison just grabbed (Y/n)’s hand and took off to the dance floor, because she was already too drunk and she couldn’t wait, her body was in need of a bit of dancing.  (Y/n) looked back on his direction, giving him an apologetic smile that he waved off without even thinking about it, because there was nothing to apologize for, she was always apologizing for everything. 

She deserved to have a bit of fun alone with her friend. He knew she stressed a lot and needed a break, it was a good idea to just let her be, sing and dance until she could forget about whatever she was stressing about this time. 

She is a hard working girl, that is why he loves her so much. 

“You’re a bit off mate” Tuwaine mumbled to him. Moving on his seat to be closer. 

His eyebrows raised, he almost choked with his beer, but he groaned it off, he didn’t want to come off as nervous, although it looked like he was failing. What was happening to him tonight, he didn’t know, but whatever he knew about acting was wearing off, because he was failing at it, and now all he could do was face reality. 

“Really?” He asked, trying to seem surprised, but not too much. 

“Yeah” Tuwaine said, like it was obvious. “you alright?” He asked, genuinely concerned, slowly turning serious. 

Tom hesitated for a second. He didn’t wish to engage anyone into anything, this was something he has been thinking about and it was more of a personal fight, he didn’t want other people to get involved. However, Tuwaine has been his right hand for such a long time, he understood why it worried him to see him like this, because if it was his case, he would feel like that too. He couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, that would be mean, he trusted him, so he guessed it would be better to tell someone than to do this and have no one know about this beforehand. It would be like walking on it alone… right?.

“Yeah! Always” he assured, nervously fidgeting with the bottle in his hands.

 He thought about it for a second, doubted himself and then… he just gave up. 

“Actually, I don’t know” he let out, looking directly at him. “Can I tell you secret?” he mumbled. 

Tuwaine shot him a weird look, raised his eyebrows and asked “Right here?” as he looked around the room and moved closer to his friend so he could hear him right. 

“Yes” Tom nodded  “Just act natural, it doesn’t have to be a big deal” he warned, looking to his from and forcing a small grin in direction of the two girls dancing not too far from them, who would turn and look at them every once in a while. He didn’t want them to notice the tension that started to build up. 

“Okay” Tuwaine agreed, looking up front and mumbling “Whats up?”

Once again, he felt weird, but he needed to be an adult and be able to say this as it was, not with bad intentions, but still being real about what his thoughts were. It was his friend after all, he trusted him, nothing bad could come out from this… yet. 

“I’ve been thinking about... stuff, a lot, lots of things going around and after having some serious reflections about this, I think... I don’t know” he started, not really finding the right words to introduce the situation, because there were no right words to say this. It was just complicated. “I think (Y/n) and I...” he tried to explain, but he really couldn’t. 

He motioned with his fingers what he tried to say, finding that an easier way to explain the situation than to describe it with words. With both of his index fingers he touched them together and then moved them apart, as simple as that, there was no more to communicate. Tuwaine seemed to piece everything together way too quickly, and Tom was nervous what his reaction could be. 

“Really?” he whispered in a very surprised toned, clearly being stunned by that new. 

Tom nodded shyly. “Yes” he mumbled back. 

Tuwaine blinked, clearly being confused and surprised by all this, like Tom expected. 

He was aware that dropping this bomb would be anything but easy, and that there would always be a reaction from any of the parts. First of all, because he has been with the same girl for already four years, they love each other, they live together… it was a hard decision, but the hardest thing of it all, was that this was something that would have consequences in more than one aspect and they all knew that very well, it would be a chaos, he was absolutely terrified of it. 

“Wow” Tuwaine said, letting out a big sigh as he asked “Is everything alright with you two?” 

Tom pressed his lips together, now really getting nervous “It’s fine, it’s okay, it’s just...” he tried to explain. “Listen I’m going to sound like a real asshole right now but it is really the whole truth” he warned, because now it really could get worse from here.  “I think I want to be with other people” he said shyly, looking for approval in his friend’s eyes as he said his truth. 

Tuwaine looked anything but happy at that response, he looked deep into Tom’s eyes, took a second and nodded his way, giving him the chance to explain himself once. 

“Go on” he said harshly, he jaw showing some tension that made him even more uncomfortable. 

Tom nodded back, and prepared himself to make this one short and sweet. 

“See, I’m only 23 and she is just 21, we’ve been on this relationship for around four years and I have had a good time but I just thought about it and I am not ready for commitment, mate, I am young, I need to explore a bit more and see other girls other than her, live new experiences, you know what I’m saying?” He asked, turning to look at him. “I love her, I really do, but really... I think I’m ready to move on and explore” he shrugged “it really had nothing to do with her, I’m just thinking, hey, I’m still young enough to see a little more aside from the first girl I ever started a real thing with, it’s not like we’re married, maybe it’s time both of us meet new people” he explained, trying to make it sound somehow better, but it was just the whole truth. 

Tuwaine looked unsure and certainly surprised by his friends speech. Tom understood that Tuwaine was probably not expecting something like this to come up on a night like this, but the truth is that there was never going to be a right moment, and by this time there was a certain urge for Tom to let it out. He has been rounding this thought for a while, it wasn’t just something that popped out in his mind. It might be surprising, but it wasn’t random. 

“I don’t know, are you sure about this?” Tuwaine doubted “I mean, look at her” he said, turning to look back at the girls “She looks very happy now that you’re here, and I mean, she is pretty, smart, she loves having you around, she helps you a lot, are you sure you want this?” He asked Tom, doing his best to make him reconsider his decision. 

With this, Tom knew his friend was not agreeing with his argument. But it was natural, he was her friend too, and they were good friends. None of them would want to see her sad, but this is how things rolled now. He took a decision and he would stand by it. 

“Yeah, I mean...” he mumbled, looking at her for a second “I don’t want her to just vanish out of my life, I figured we could always be friends and whatnot” he sighed, shaking his head at the thought of her just… going away. 

Tom turned his head towards his friend. He was never seen him with such marked frown but still calmed look on his face, clearly trying to remain normal. He wasn’t feeling comfortable and Tom was already getting nervous, this is exactly what he wanted to evict. 

 “Don’t look at me like that” Tom begged in a mumble “Tuwaine, don’t judge me, please”

“I don’t! I don’t judge you, I swear” Tuwaine said, snapping out of it and holding up both of his hands “Hey, Listen, I think you’re making a mistake, alright? but  if you thought about it and you’re sure, then go for it” he shrugged, trying to show some respect to him “But be careful, okay? That’s all I can say, if that’s what will make you happy, I support you, you know that” he assured him, nodding his way and trying to crack a smile. 

Tom knew that was not the most honest answer from his part, that hurt, but he bought it. There really was not a better outcome for this moment. He knew no one was going to tell him it was the right decision, but he knew what he was about to do, even when it didn’t seem like so, he has thought this through. 

“Thanks mate” He thanked him, leaning in to pat on his shoulder. 

As time passed he grew more nervous, now that he has revealed his big secret to someone, not only that, now that he has revealed it and also was alone with the only person who knew his secret, he was feeling even worse than before. Good thing of having someone know of his secret was that he was passing onto him very good advice. He would tell him what she should say and what not to say, what he would do, his perspective, some past experiences that might help him… if anything, he was starting to feel this moment was starting to become a bonding moment for him and Tuwaine, sure it was not the best situation, but sharing this kind of information with him somehow felt special. 

Tuwaine would speak a lot, and so did he, trying to explain a little bit how he was come to this decision while he could, as well as giving Tuwaine the chance (and privilege) of commenting on his master plan, that might as well go wrong, but it could be less bad if he fixed some aspects of it with the help of his friend.

Their conversation seemed cut off when suddenly the girls disappeared in the crowd of people, and barely making themselves noticeable, appeared behind them trying to make it seem like a surprised, and once again completing the group that just a couple of minutes ago was incomplete. 

(Y/n) slid her arms around Tom, let him hold her hands as they laid on his chest and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. Typical move of her, she loved to have him like this, and he was not mad at it, at all. He felt warm, safe, home…

Focus, Tom, God dammit. 

“Are we ready to go?” He asked, as he turned his head and let her leave a small peck on his lips. 

A small frown appeared in her forehead, as she walked around him to face him directly and hugged his waist to keep him close. He could see she was missing having the opportunity to have him this close, after months apart, she was missing him a lot and it was showing. On his behalf, It was wrecking him from the inside out, but he was an actor and right now he needed to mask this one. 

“What? You want to go already?!” AIlison exclaimed, sounding completely outraged by his question.  

He shrugged, hugged his girl close and left a small kiss on her forehead. He needed an excuse to get out of here, this was the best chance he could find. 

“Are you tired, bubs?” (Y/n) asked softly, looking up at him. 

“A little bit, I’m going to lie” he nervously laughed, shrugging a little “Jet lag is a real bitch” he said, but he didn’t mean that. 

Jet lagged has already passed. He has recovered his usual schedule for a couple of days now, he was fine. It was just the perfect excuse to get him out, he knew no one would fight him while playing this card. 

“That’s true” (Y/n) agreed, leaving a kiss on his cheek and grabbing her purse on the table. 

He made sure to turn back at Tuwaine with a suggesting look, so he understood it was time and he needed him and his girlfriend to vanish elsewhere. Right now he just needed to be alone with his girl and make every possible thing in his hand to not fuck anything up. 

“We can go then too, I’ll call an Uber” Tuwaine announced, finishing his drink in one sitting, and getting up from his seat. Queue for everyone to do the same.  

“Already? c’mon” Allison whined, showing a pout as she followed her boyfriend’s moves. 

“Don’t worry babe, I have an idea” Tuwaine mumbles to her, trying to make this situation look just a bit better. 

Making their way out of the bar was difficult, it was crowded, however, it is even more difficult to make it out of there when there are people around that knew Tom’s face, called his name, touched his shoulders and even stepped in the way to just wave his wave. Sometimes it could become very overwhelming. One way or another, and one step at a time, they made their way out of the place and into the cold and shiny streets of London at night. 

Tonight was not the most busy night for London’s bar, in fact, for them it was the perfect night to go out for a drink, but it was still crowded enough to build up a proper party. There were a lot of people around, however, there were not enough, so they could easily be able to step out in the street without getting mobbed with people recognizing him and only occasionally see a couple people around that would either call his name or wave at him, those were the best kind of nights, they were the best because he could chill and fool around with his friends without having too much eyes on him. Somehow it made him feel like he was just another guy going out in London. 

They stepped into the streets of the city, looking for their usual spot to call a taxi. Him having (Y/n)’s hand in his and guiding her through the small crowd in front of the bar and making sure she was with him at all times. It has just rained, he knew that, it was noticeable on how blingy everything looked now and it didn’t before, also on how this new fresh air ran through the air, he was not expecting the weather to change like this so suddenly. 

He looked back at his girlfriend, just to make sure she was not feeling the same as him or even worst, checking if she was cold so he could lend him his jacket if needed; she was definitely the kind of girl who got cold easily. Instead, the moment he turned around, he found her grabbing onto his arm just a little tighter and fighting her feet as she walked and  stumbled onto her side in a dumb move when she tried to step in. 

“Hey” Tom chuckled, grabbing her arms as a reflect “Was that you stumbling?” He asked, holding her still. 

Her lips opened, then closed and cracked into a smile. “No” she answered, standing up straight.

He looked at her with a suspicious look that she detected in less than a millisecond. She laughed, and before he could even notice her arms were all over him, wrapping him into a hug and clinging into him. He laughed, leaned into her and kissed her lips softly, hold her close and really took in this moment. He loved it, he loved this, but he would miss it, having her here and now was something he had thought about pretty often while he was gone, and now that it was happening, it was a shame that he was going to ruin it soon. 

“What if we get lost?” He whispered over her lips, kissing her cheek, and pulling her more into him. 

She smiled and nodded, making him understand that they were already going home, it was obvious. He nodded back, making her know, he was actually meaning something else. 

“What?” She asked, now clearly being confused. 

“We” he signaled “are getting lost” he announced, already assuming there was no way she would say no to this. 

Even when she doubted… he was right. She looked at him in doubt for a second and by the look on her face, it was clear that she would go with the flow of whatever he had in mind, it was just perfect. 

“Okay” she mumbled, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it lightly. 

Tom smiled widely, everything was going well, now he just needed to calm down, he could already feel his nerves spiking up on his spine, waiting for the worst part to happen and be over. He was turning more anxious by the second. 

Thank god he’s been trained to mask this kind of shit, it was really growing on him and the last thing he needed was making a show in the middle of a public place because he was incapable of ‘playing it cool’ when he needed to. 

“Guys, we’re going to take a  walk home” he announced to the couple in front of them, as he grabbed his girls hand and guided her with him. 

Allison immediately turned up to then and frowned. When things came out a little different, she usually made a lot of questions, but this time Tuwaine had this covered, when he immediately stepped in and wrapped his arm around Allison’s shoulders he was saving his ass from panicking, big time. 

 “Are you sure? The Uber is almost here” Tuwaine asked, showing him the lit up screen on his phone. 

Tom smile and nodded in response. 

“Yeah, we can take the long way” he shrugged, slowly walking back and taking (Y/n) with him. 

“It is a very long way, are you sure you don’t want a ride?” Allison asked, genuinely sounding concerned. 

“It’s shorter than you think!” Tom exclaimed, slowly turning around and making his way out. 

He could sense Allison just about to fight him into coming with them into the uber, but the situation was quickly diffused by her boyfriend, who immediately sensed, it was probably better they made their way out by themselves and not step into uncomfortable situations before anything could happen. 

“Leave them, I have somewhere we can go” He heard Tuwaine mumble to her quietly, thing that relaxed her and made any possible questions fade out. “See you Monday!” he created Tom as he walked away. 

“See you, mate!” he waved back, saying goodbye and finally getting what he wanted. 

It might raise some sort of suspicion, but this is exactly what he was asking for, a walk with (Y/n), that was it… 

Now he just needed to get it together. 

As they walked under the cold streets of London, Tom held her hand tightly and swung it back and forth slightly as they walked and he heard her speak, telling him stories and putting him up to date with everything. They made their way around effortlessly, already knowing where to go and how to get into quitter places where they could really be alone, they knew this place like the back of their hands, getting lost was easy, but really getting lost, for them was both easy and a pleasure. London is a beautiful city, but it is even more beautiful when you know those spots where no one else went, and that is exactly what they went for, a bit of privacy and somewhere where they could walk peacefully. 

With just a bit of patience and taking the right ways, in no time they were entering themselves into the best shortcuts of the city. Suddenly, everything so much calm than before, no one else was there staring, or speaking, or calling his name, it was just them on the quietness of the streets, walking hand in hand like dumb teenagers in love. For them everything was always like if they were dumb teenagers. 

He had to admit that for a second he really thought she would never buy that poor excuse he gave her to get them out of that place. In fact, he really thought she would be mad for him making them walk instead of taking a cab, however, it happened to be the complete opposite. She was looking way overly excited for having this kind of moment with him, she would walk around the middle of the street in a slightly faster pace than him, almost giving small jumps of excitements as they walked and going on into a story that clearly excited her. On the other side, he wouldn’t speak, he would just listen, made small comments and let her go on; seeing her being so excited was adorable, but he was already starting to feel terrible and it was showing. On his mind, he was trying to find the way to turn this around and make this be as mild as it could possibly be. 

“You are quiet tonight” She mentioned from all sudden, stopping her story and looking back at him with a comforting smile. Obviously trying to calm him down without saying much, like she would usually do at times. 

Right now he really wished that would work the same. 

“No, I’m not” he excused himself, shrugging it off as he turned to look back at her. 

She chuckled at his dumb answer. “Yep” she answered back, squeezing his hand as she mumbled. “Yes, you are” 

Maybe it was time for him to set the mood and get serious, get into something more than just an exciting story and tone it down, that way he thought it might be easier to introduce such a thing later. The last thing he wanted was to burst her bubble from happy to concerned from all sudden, it would be so much worst. 

“Sorry” he apologized, directing to her a bit of a shy smile “I'm just a little...”

“Stressed?” she guessed, cutting him off and taking him completely off guard. 

Words were struggling to come out of his mouth, he wasn’t expecting her to see him stressed, even though he was, he thought he was playing it off well, looking normal and relaxed, like he usually was. Now he sees he was wrong. 

“I get it, tour week it’s coming and you barely get a proper break, it kind of sucks” she mentioned, shrugging a little as she looked up front. 

I’m a way she was right. He was grateful mind reading wasn’t a thing, but in certain way, she had nailed the fact that there was something in him bothering him from that aspect. He loved his job, but sometimes he couldn’t help to keep thinking about what was coming next, even when he was on vacation. This is one of those situations, however, this time there was a plus. 

“Yeah, That” he chuckled nervously, as he looked down “Im having re-shoots after that” he also mentioned, keeping the conversation up. 

Her eyebrows raised. “Where?” She asked. 

“Atlanta” 

It was surprising he did not mentioned this to her before, being such an important fact about him leaving for work, again. He usually kept this to himself, although he wouldn’t keep a secret about him leaving, he just didn’t feel like mentioning everything he had to do; he thought it made everything seem a little overwhelming, taking things slow was a better option. 

“Wow” she sighed. “you don’t ever get a break, do you?”

He chuckled slightly. “No” he said  “I need to learn my lines” he also mentioned, almost as a reminder to himself. 

Another responsibility he needed to get his hands on before things piled up. 

“Can I take a look at them?” she asked in a happy tone, already looking excited about something like this.

He smiled shyly, acting as if he would think about it, but once he turned to see her, she already knew what he was going to say. “Sure” he let out, squeezing her hand a little bit as she jumped in excitement. 

He couldn’t say he was surprised about this, she was always trying to check things out when it came to his scripts. Prompts of having her, she really enjoyed all of the world of screenwriting, she always looking for so much information that it came in handy when she had comments over scripts he had to do. It helped him a lot and at the same time he hoped it helped her as well, after all, this was something she enjoyed with her whole heart. 

“I have exams in two weeks, you came right in time” she mentioned, changing the topic as she let go of his hand and went in to walk over the yellow line of the sidewalk. “Right before you leave, I’ll be starting my vacation, I might even grow a pair to see you in action, mister” she mentioned, making a funny face at him and winking his way. 

He laughed at her silly moves. She was the kind of person that every time she had some sort of boost of energy, it would show, this was one of the situations. She would walk over that yellow line trying to maintain balance and (for sure) acting like a little girl, she was looking for something to do as they made their way home and that would keep her active. It was certainly adorable. It was hard for him to keep track of the conversation as he watched her, it was somehow entertaining how she moved so gracefully and at the same time rambled like crazy as she spoke. 

“What do you mean ‘see me in action’, lady?” he answered, imitating her teasing tone “You’ll make it to the premier?” he asked, letting his eyebrow raise unconsciously. 

“Yes, to the premier!” she exclaimed, jumping in place. “I already have it thought out and everything, it will be really fun” she mentioned, giving a small twirl on her feet as she walked, keeping her little game over that line, never for a second letting herself fall. 

He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling the tension over power his body. She had so much in mind, he did too. It was going to be an impossible task to burst her bubble in a gentle way because she already had high hopes over the future. He was about to ruin everything. 

He is a bad person. 

“I’m sure it will” he mumbled, not being aware of how it came out but suddenly realizing, his nervousness was really starting to show up. 

She turned to look at him, obviously noticing the sudden change in his mood. Her face showing a slight and concerned frown on her face. He tried to mask it with a neutral look, but it really was not working now. He just stepped into a weird zone and he didn’t know how to get out, there was not going back now. 

“What?” she chuckled awkwardly, trying to read his look. 

His eyebrows raised. “What? What?” he answered back. 

They looked at each other intensely for a good couple of seconds. Her trying to read him and him trying to act like nothing was going on. He was failing, of course, because once she took her eyes out of him, it was clear that she sensed something was off, and once again, she’d be right. 

“You’re acting weird” she mentioned, stepping out of the sidewalk and towards him. “are you nervous about it?” she asked. 

For a second, he completely panicked. What did she mean by ‘it’? Did she already knew what he was about to do?. 

It only took him a couple seconds to realize she was actually talking about the one movie he has been working on for the past years and that hasn’t come out yet, but it will and yes, he was nervous about that too. He was rarely nervous, but this was something that also had him at the edge of his seat. He was glad she could read into that too, because at the moment it was a good mask for his weird behaviour. 

“It’s my first movie for a overly famous company, I’m shitting myself” he nervously chuckled as the words left his mouth “Marvel is one thing, but this... Oof” he sighed, not being able to explain it well. 

The smile on her face was very comforting. “It’ll be great” she assured him, taking his hand in hers  “we all love Pixar and you are great in voice acting” 

He shrugged “I don’t know” he mumbled  “I was really nervous in the shooting sessions, I don’t think it’s my best” he admitted sincerely.

A shy silence fell between them. He guessed that  she didn’t have much to say, he didn’t know what to say either. The truth was there were a lot of things going on in his life that made him this nervous, those were things he still had a hard a hard time controlling and he knew that even when it killed her to see him like this, she didn’t know how to handle this either. Having him like this was fairly odd. 

“Is that what got you like this?” She asked shyly. He didn’t answered, he thought it was better to not say anything. She took that in as an answer and smiled. “You know my cousin always says something really wise that I don’t know if you’ve heard before but it says something like: tu n'as pas besoin d’impressionner tout le monde, fais des choses avec amour et les personnes intéressées se manifesteront” she recited, as expected, he didn’t get it, he had no clue of French.  “which essentially means... if you liked what you did and you worked for it, then people will love it, and if they don’t...” she shrugged “they don’t know what they’re talking about”

He smiled. 

It was nice how no matter what the conflict was in his head that bothered him in the most minimal way, she always knew what to say and I’m one way or another, it made him feel a lot better. This it was not exactly what he was looking for, but he gave her that. Watching her use her wisdom on him was a gift, he enjoyed it, even when it was not the situation, he wanted to hear one of those thoughts one last time. 

If it was the last time he would get to hear them… 

“Merci” he thanked her, smiling at her shyly. 

She smiled back, there was something her that told her that even when he didn’t say much, he would really think about what she just told him and just… relax. That was okay, that was all she wanted and needed. 

As they kept walking through those lonely and quiet streets, it was easy for Tom to find a way to change routes without her asking questions. Good thing about knowing this place so well, no matter where they went, everything could be a shortcut one way or another; before they even noticed his plan was going to perfection, just like he had planned, they were entering that isolated park where sometimes they would hangout, walk the dog, have a drink… lots of things. It was a not a strange place for them and it was the the ideal place to just sit and have a serious talk. It was just the place where they needed to be. 

As they passed in front of the place, he took the chance to step into the grass surface of the park and entering it without asking if she wanted to go there first, he just did, and almost automatically, he thought it would be a good idea to make his way to the swings. Pretty much the only sitting surface they had in the whole park. 

She walked beside him quietly, watching him as he sat down in one of the swings and looked up at her, waiting for her to do that same. The face she made to him was quiet funny, he was being somehow unpredictable and that was really taking her by surprise. At first she showed to be unsure, but after seeing that he was not going to move from that place in a little while, she gave up and just sat down on the swing beside him. 

The atmosphere had become quiet weird and now she was the one becoming nervous, mostly because how intrigued she was, but she didn’t let that show on her, she just went with the flow, she wouldn’t let a bad feeling let her make a fool of herself. 

“Why are we here?” She asked, swinging herself back and forth softly as she looked his way. 

“I just thought we could sit down for a while” he mentioned quietly “have a talk” he shrugged. 

It was weird, she thought, but she let it pass. 

“Okay” she mumbled, nodding a little bit and not asking anymore questions. 

She looked around the place, admiring the quietness that surrounded them and the sounds of nature that made themselves noticeable at this time. This place was surrounded by a neighborhood, a very nice one, that happened to have very nice houses with very nice gardens that most of the times served as houses for little insects and frogs that helped create such a nice environment. One of those houses actually happened to be her aunt’s house, pretty much the only piece of close family she had in the entire city to count on while her family was at the other side of the world, so you could say this place was no strange to her, it was a familiar environment, it almost felt like home. 

“Oh, would you look at that” she laughed, taking a look at the big white house on their front “Look who’s awake” she said, pointing out to the only window of the house that showed a turned on light. 

He hummed and looked that way. 

“Little Franky is messing around at three in the morning, busted” she chuckled to herself “I bet he’s - like - watching porn or working or reading, but he should be sleeping, that’s a fact, he has school or whatever” she mentioned. 

If there was someone she loved in this world with her entire heart was her cousin, Frank. Some may say they are siblings from another mother and the same family, but for her, that guy is her freaking soulmate. There was no one in this world that understood her better than him, and the fact that he was also in London, at the same time at her, that was priceless. They were used to being apart all of the time, having him close was just like a blessing. 

“Isn’t he driving you tomorrow?” he asked, in a poor attempt of being chatty. 

She smiled. “Sure, but only in the afternoon, I’m not the one who has to wake up super early” she shrugged, thinking about it for a second, seeing how her cousin’s head peeked from the window and disappeared in matter of a second. “Oh, I know what it is! I think he has some new friends in Paris, I heard, he’s probably playing video games, lame” she mocked, rolling her eyes. 

He laughed at her reaction, he sensed how much she would like to be there to tease him, but it was not the time. It was adorable anyway, their relationship was adorable. 

“You’re a bully, have you heard?” he teased, bumping his knee to hers. 

“Stop” she fake whined, now rolling her eyes at him and looking his direction. “I have to admit, I thought we would be going home right away, have some time alone for once” she shrugged, now being more serious. “Huh? you have been home for weeks and we’ve hardly had… you know, a night for us”

The chuckle that came out of his lips was the most awkward move that he has made in his entire life, and he has done plenty of stupid shit. At this point, it was impossible for him to mask anything, it was almost like his abilities to play it cool have worn out entirely. He needed to get serious and think this through. 

He didn’t want to do this and mark a wrong impression, he wanted to make things right, but with his nerves playing him like this, he was afraid he would fuck things up in a heartbeat. 

“Yeah, about that” he said softly “I kind of wanted to talk to you about something”

She was too smart. The second he said that in that tone was the second her face changed completely, she knew something wasn’t right and it was starting to concern her. He felt terrible for that, he didn’t like when she worried like this. 

“Are you okay?” she asked in a serious tone “Seriously, Tom, I don’t understand what is happening, you’re acting really weird” she said, a nervous chuckle coming out of her lips, as she looked at him directly and gave him all her attention. 

“I am fine, I really am” he said, immediately “and let me just say, you are too, there is nothing wrong with you, you are one of the nicest beings ever, beautiful, smart and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, nothing”

He felt like he needed to point that out, he wanted her to know it was all him, not her, make it clear before she started to have second thoughts. Although it did sound like every breakup excuse, it was the truth, he needed to lay that out. 

“Okay” she said awkwardly “Thanks...” 

“I really mean it” he said quickly “there is absolutely nothing wrong with you”

“What?” she sighed, already growing even more nervous.  “Listen, you are really creeping me out”

He nodded, he was already starting this with the wrong foot, he needed to fix this up before his nerves betrayed him entirely. 

“Sorry” he apologized “I just thought it would be easier if we came here, somehow this place calms me down” he admitted, looking around and taking a short second to breath. The tension was building up quicker than he anticipated

“Because is the only place no one is eavesdropping?” she asked, her eyebrow raising in question. 

“And because I know that every time I am here, you are always with me, no matter if you are actually here or in my mind, you just… make me company” he mumbled. 

Somehow his hand managed to find hers, and he held her tight for a good second. Already refusing to let go, at least for now. He just needed to hold her one more time, even if it was the last time he would have the chance… 

“Something is bothering you, something other than your job” she said, stating the situation without asking what was happening, again. 

He nodded, her statements were right, just now in the way she thought. 

“Take a break, let’s go home” she insisted, squeezing his hand and encouraging him to get up and go home. 

Without her noticing, she was silently encouraging exactly what he has been struggling to say in weeks, and she had no idea. He has been rounding this for a long time, it was finally time to say it out loud and see what happened. Now is the time, it’s something he needed to do and now that they were at this point of the night and right where he planned to be, it was time. 

He looked at her straight in the eyes, took a deep breathe and just said it. It was just as easy as that. 

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, I think it might be good for us if we took a break” he finally said to her, being careful with his words and keeping it simple. 

It was not easy to let this out, but once he did, it felt like taking a weight off his shoulders. If it should feel like that or not… for him it felt great. 

After he said that, she paused for a second. It was clear that she didn’t know what to say or how to react, it was too sudden and she wasn’t ready for something like this. Whatever she could do or say now, he didn’t know. 

“A what?” she asked in confusion “When I- I didn’t mean you took a break like this, silly, I meant a break from work, what do you mean a break?” She mentioned nervously, struggling to really understand what was happening “Tom, what do you mean?” She asked again.  

He noticed it was being difficult for her to process the bomb that he just dropped to her. She understood perfectly, but she could only hope that she misunderstood the situation and it was only a joke he was trying to play. It was not. 

“I mean, maybe we should take some time to see other people, take a break from each other and maybe if we don’t feel comfortable and we’re both up to it...” 

…go back, he implied, hoping he had made himself clear on what he tried to say. 

I’m situations like this, it was very difficult to not look like the bad guy, but at the same time, it was even more difficult to handle the whole conversation without saying the wrong thing and make it as easy as he could. He didn’t want her to feel bad or cry, but that was impossible because it was already happening, the fact it was getting out of hand without him intending it was frustrating. 

He wanted to take a hold of it. He didn’t want this to end up like in a wrong way, but it was failing quicker than he thought and it scared him.

“Did I do something?” She asked, her voice broken and eyes shining. 

The atmosphere was slowly changing around her. Her breathing was heavier, she was quiet, her hands tried to stay still and the flow panic that flew out of her head without her noticing was impressing. He felt terrible. He was the one responsible for breaking her bubble, she was happy, and now she was not, she was crying. It was all on him. 

“You didn’t do anything” he made clear once again. “I just think we should take some time for each other, we see each other all of the time when I’m out of work, we have lived together for two years, there is not a time ever were we aren’t alone, do you know what I mean?” he tried to explain, as best as he could “Baby, I love you more than you could ever imagine, but we are young and I need space… we need space” 

At the mention of space, she sobbed. If there was something she was terrified of, was space. She never had a problem with leaving him be and let him do whatever he wanted, that applied to her as well, she liked to have liberty herself, but there was something inside of her, a big irrational fear of being alone without the ones she loved around her. 

He knew very well how anxious this made her and how sensitive this topic was, he has heard stories and he knows she was completely terrified of people leaving her. This was not the case, he would never let this be the case, he would never leave her life just like so. 

“Couples that take breaks never get back together” she mumbled. 

“We could be the exception” he argued. 

“How?!” she snapped, breaking the peace of the silence of the night and for once, showing this small contained anger she had inside. 

More than anger, what she had was a lot of questions. It didn’t made sense in her head how he has decided to bring this up now and the fact that it was so sudden made her struggle. She was scared of what could possible happen next, she was too used to this… what is going to happen now?. 

“You’re not making this any easier” he mumbled, getting even more nervous himself, now that she was having this reaction. 

“So was this…?” she tried saying, but her breathing was too heavy, she could hardly speak. “Why? Why are you doing this? Where is this coming from?” she rambled, not containing herself at all. 

“Darling” he mumbled “Calm down first, lets just talk, the least thing I want to do is hurt you” he said softly. 

“You’re hurting me now” she whispered back, breaking his heart slowly. 

 He made sure to hold her hand tight and run his finger on the back of it. He was hoping it would help calm down, it would usually work, but he guessed it wouldn’t be that easy this time.

This was really fucked up.

She was crying and he didn’t know what to do or say. Before he could even notice, he was actually on his knees in front of her, watching from another angle how she cried and poured her heart out. He held her hands tight and tried to keep it together.

 He hated this so much, but it necessary, this was something they needed for the sake of both of their relationship. He didn’t pretend to be selfish, he just needed to state that it might be the time for them to separate for a little while, even if it hurt, it was time, sooner or later, this had to happen. 

“We’ve been together for four years” he explained softly “I love you, you know that, but... don’t you ever wonder how it would be to be with someone else? have a moment for you? live with no attachments, at all?” he asked, trying to state his point. 

“No” she said in a outraged tone. 

He was not surprised, she was a very introverted person; once she got comfortable around something, she could spend her whole life around it and not be bothered at all, she liked routine and stability, it was just how she was. For him it was the complete opposite, he liked to shake things up every once in a while, so much of the same drove him crazy and sometimes he just needed to see different things. It wasn’t his fault, he was just like that. 

“Well I do” he said, still in a calmed tone.“Call me insane, but I’m curious; and even when I wished I didn’t have to leave you, or something else, I figured, I want to be honest with you no matter what” he admitted, holding her hands close to him he whispered a soft “I love you” and kissed the back of them softly. “I just ask you for a couple of weeks, a month maybe, not even” he almost begged, still being very consistent with his proposal. 

Her silence remained intact for a while, she seemed unable to speak or elaborate something appropriate for this moment, she just stared at him, on his knees in front of her and begging for her to understand what went to his mind. She wanted to, she really did, but there was something else inside of her that told her this was very wrong and it was not fair this was even happening. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong but” she started saying, in an attempt to speak normally  “Are you breaking up with me because you want to be with someone else? Are you bored of me?”

He didn’t know how to answer to that, it was difficult to answer that without sounding like an asshole and she was asking difficult questions. 

“It’s not like that” he mumbled. 

“Then, correct yourself, because it sounds like that” she argued, sniffing as tears left her eyes, demanding for a proper answer. 

At this moment he decided, this was going to be a difficult conversation to get around, so if he wanted to make this clearer he needed to be transparent with her. Trying to make this friendlier to not hurt her was going to fail anyway, he needed to get this out of the way and be honest. He was already stepping on this, the only thing he had left was finishing it. 

They could be here all night, but if he didn’t tell her the truth, they would never get to a solid point.  

“I just want to have a moment for myself” he snapped, finally confessing what was in his mind “Not like a man who has a distance relationship, because god knows how many times we’ve been over that, I want to feel how it is to be single” he said “I know this terrible and you will probably hate me after this but the only thing I want is… be”  

“And then what? Take me back? I’m not a toy, Holland, you can’t just leave me aside and then take me back whenever you feel like it” she argued, a big frown growing on her forehead as she spoke. 

Her hands left his in an abrupt move, he could almost feel how she was drifting away from him slowly. He wanted to stop that, get her back. Things were getting out of hand too quickly and he was terrified. 

“You’re not understanding my point” he said in a very serious tone. “I’m not doing this just for myself, I think this will be healthy for both of us” he whispered. “We’re young adults; with my job and the amount of compromise I have with so many people, I don’t feel like I’m on the right mindset for anything” he explained, still trying to make things clear. “I love being with you, don’t ever believe that I don’t, but I just want to feel what it is to be single and just...” he motioned “free of everything” 

The feeling of the air feeling his lungs was too potent, this much explaining was too much for him, especially at this time of the night, when he was half drunk and tired to keep up with this. 

“Is that supposed to mean that I am a responsibility for you?” she mumbled, her voice getting darker as she spoke. 

“Babe, of course” he said, her mouth widened in surprise instantly; he said the wrong thing and he knew it well. “not in a bad way, obviously, you’re my girl, I don’t want to lose you, not now or ever, but maybe taking this break will help us... revive the flame” 

As soon as he saw the chance, he grabbed both of her hands in his again and kissed the back of them softly. She didn’t resist it, but there was something in the air that told him she wasn’t comfortable. 

He was a bad person. 

Looking away from his face and into the dark sky of the night, she took a good breath and cried. She cried because it was the only thing she could do to drain her feelings without making this situation worst, even when he started it. 

“I-I-I…” she stuttered, trying to say something “Since when have you wanted to…?” she asked, not being able to finish the phrase. 

She didn’t need to, he knew perfectly what she meant. It was fair that she asked that, she had the right to know and he had the right to explain it all. 

“Since the last time I left” he confessed, opening up to her “I know, I know what you’re thinking and I know it took me the longest time to tell you about this, but I just… I wanted to tell you in person” he said softly “I feel like we have been on a cycle since we started dating, understand me, I just need a breather, I feel like a need a change in my life to get back on track later” he shrugged “This has nothing to do with you, it’s all me, I promise; it hurts for both of us, I am just begging you, let’s give us some time, live our lives, take a break and see how we feel, for once” he begged her, hoping she would understand and know what was happening through his brain. 

“But I don’t want to lose you” she mumbled. 

“I don’t want to lose you either, and you won’t” he assured her, kissing the back of her hands “I just want to clear my mind, I want you to have you space, relax, let both of us have time for ourselves… not spend all of the time together” he explained one more time “honestly, I’m annoying, don’t you get sick of me?” 

He wished this make her feel a lot better. A small smile came out of her lips but there was still sadness in her eyes. She didn’t want to let go and it was too difficult to process everything that was just happening, she was never ready for this, she didn’t even know if the right thing was to let it happen or to fight it. It was a situation she was completely unfamiliarized with. 

Although there were a million thoughts running through her mind by the second. When he got back on his feet and leaded her to do the same, she was already thinking about his proposal and it seemed like she had no other option than to take it, because if he already had this decision made, it was impossible he would change his mind, things were already said, there was no going back. Whether she liked it or not, it is what it is and there was nothing she could do about it. 

“We can still be friends, right?” she asked. 

Tom tensed for a good second. “I think it would be better if we just kept distance” 

One of the hardest part of taking this decision was accepting the right thing to do was to not only be apart from each other, but to really keep a distance so things could work the proper way. One of the two of them would break down if they kept contact, so it was better to keep it that way, just until the time was right, he thought, for the time being they just needed a good established break. 

“Seriously?” she asked, almost whining at his answer. 

He nodded “Just until we’re ready” he mumbled “It’ll just be a while, love, I promise” 

He knew this was coming, it’s been happening for a while. When a cry came out of her lips he was the first to pull her into his arms and let her cry the pain away. His heart shrunk at the sight of her pain, but it was his fault and he needed to be empathetic and show support, even when he was hurt as well. He was responsible, but it would be good for them. 

“I don’t want to be without you” she cried, holding onto him tightly. 

She held him tight and cried on his chest. If it was for her, she would never let go, she didn’t want to let go. 

“It’ll be good for us, I promise you, just a couple of weeks” he mumbled, his fingers running through her hair. 

“And if you don’t come back? If you feel better without me?” she asked. 

Until this moment, he never thought about that part.

 What if it felt better to be alone? 

“...then maybe, it’s a sign” he said, almost whispering “Of course that won’t happen; we’re a team, we should take this as a time for meditate and reflect on ourselves” he said, looking down at her and mumbling “It’ll be okay” 

Part of her wanted to not believe that, there was always something in her that told her this was wrong and he was lying, but something in her heart felt that… deep down, really deep down, he had a reason for all this, and he was right. This had to be mutual, she had no other option than to agree, even when she didn’t want to let him go so easily, the decision was already taken. 

She looked up at him, really wanting to look into his eyes, looking for answers. Something in his face showed empathy for her, but there was also something in him that looked serene and peaceful, he looked sure of what he was doing, and unlike her, completely calmed with this whole situation. She envied his capacity to remain so calm. On his lips he showed her a small smile, telling her it would all be okay and there was nothing to worry about, that they would get through this and it would be worth every second, a smile that told her he was more than sure of it. 

She didn’t know if it was worth believing that. He didn’t know what would happen, neither did her. Him being so sure about all this made her nervous. 

Suddenly the biggest fact of them all hit her. 

“Distance…” she mumbled, once it all fell into place. “Where am I supposed to go then?”

Of course this was something she should have worried about sooner, he has and she did not notice about that in any second, her thoughts were too consumed on the fact her four-year boyfriend was leaving her. 

He shyly smiled, telling her, he already had it thought out. 

It was never a coincidence he decided to take this way home and come to this park in particular. It was never a coincidence they were sitting in front of her aunt’s house, because once they had this conversation, this would be her stop and he would go home, all alone. He already had it thought out and she never guessed what he planned, not even in the slightest bit. 

The shock of the moment kept her quiet, she was physically unavailable to speak for a solid couple minutes. Given the time, he decided it was time for her to go where she needed to, so he walked her to the door, it was the least he could do. The fact she would probably get in trouble for knocking at his aunt’s door and ask to stay at this time, that was the least of their problems, he had it already talked out, so the hardest part of the night would be definitely saying goodbye. He wanted to make it as smooth as possible, but letting her go just like this was never going to be easy. 

“You can send whoever you want to pick up your clothes and everything you need, even yourself if you want” he let her know as they stepped into the front door. “Just for a couple of weeks, or however you think it is necessary, my door is always open if you need anything” he let her know. 

She nodded. “This the last time I will see you, then”  she said, he nodded back. 

“Just until the time is right” he let her know. 

And if it wasn’t right… it would be the last time. 

“Will you… call me or anything?” she asked innocently, fearing this would truly be the last time they would ever see each other. 

Fearing this would only be the start of her worst nightmare. 

“Like I said, I think it would be better if we kept distance” he said, a sad smile showing on his face “but please call me if something happens, anything, for you I will pick up in a second” he said, being sure of every single one of his words. 

It was needless to say that he only meant this for necessary things. She knew she wouldn’t be able to make contact with him like before, what he meant right now was only referred to strictly necessary problems, not just any conversation. He would be there for her, but if it was just a casual thing, he wouldn’t be picking up the phone, she would have to look for someone else to talk to. 

She never thought this would be happening to them. 

“So this is a goodbye” she mumbled “I love you” she said, meaning every single one of her words “and I’m sorry”

His heart broke at the sound of her words. It was not fair that she said that, but he took it, she felt guilty even when she didn’t need to, he couldn’t blame her. This was too sudden, she couldn’t think straight. 

“I love you so much” he said in clear words, walking up to her. “you don’t have to apologize for anything”

She smiled, already stating an answer, she knew that. 

It was a bad habit, apologizing, it seemed to be something she just did as an instinct and he was always reminding her of that. The fact that he was even reminding her of this in such a moment was ironic. 

Taking a step forward, Tom walked up to her and kissed her lips for one last time, not like it was a goodbye, rather than that, he wanted this to be a ‘see you soon’. He placed his lips over hers softly, and making them touch for only a couple seconds, to then slowly step back once it started to feel hard to get away, and before he could get attached, he kept his distance and decided to walk away, go home. Short and sweet, that was the plan. 

He kept walking, trying his best to not look back as he left her behind and made his way out. He wanted this, he reminded himself, it was hard but it was something he had to do. 

Of course, he wouldn’t just leave without making sure she would get inside, safe and sound; that’s why once he was out of sight, he stopped his pace and just waited, waited to hear that door open and her getting in that house, or at least something that told him there was no way something bad could happen to her while he was not looking. If any of that happen he would never forgive himself. 

Part of him expected to hear her cry at the sight of him leaving, but instead, he was surprised when he heard her ring the doorbell straight up. She would get in trouble for that, for sure, but as long as she got in safely, it didn’t matter. 

“Yes?” He heard a quiet masculine voice mutter through the intercom. 

Frank, of course. The only person who could be up at that time and the only one she probably wanted to speak to at the moment. 

“C’est moi (It’s me)” she mumbled through the intercom, speaking in French, only to assure him that it was her indeed. 

Frank was no stranger to the language, he was born in France after all, he grew up with it and he was the one teaching her, after all. It was like their way of communicating, their special connection.  

“It’s so late, are you drunk or something?” He said in a sort of annoyed tone, sounding tired and done with everything. 

“Please Frankie, open up” she whined, holding the tears and barely able to speak. 

“One sec”

The tension was building up quick, he felt so guilty. He guessed this is what it took to take such hard decisions. 

He felt the impulse of leaving at that moment, once he knew she was finally getting in the house. However, he decided it was better to stay until it was just him in that street; something inside of him didn’t let him take another step while she was still there, he wanted to hear whatever was said, but specially, hear her voice one last time.

Only god knew how much he was going to miss her from now on.

The front door opened, she was finally with someone other than him. Someone familiar. 

“Oh Chérie, what happened?” Frank said with worry, once he saw her “Est-ce que ça va? (Are you okay?)” He asked. 

“No” she cried, breaking down in a million pieces “He broke up with me” she mumbled to him, with a broken voice “He left me” 

Hearing her say that stroke him like he never thought it would. He never thought he wold hear those words coming out of her mouth. He left her, he really did and she really believed that. He left her, after all those years together, and he was very sorry. 

The damage was done. He has done what he planned and there was no going back, as difficult as it was, he did what he needed to. 

He got what he wanted. 

Tom Holland was now a free man. 

[officialwittek]

pt. 4

*gif is not mine* 

word count: 2,101

Ever since my little conversation with the girls I haven’t been able to really be myself around Jeff. Now I notice the side glances, the lingering touches on my thigh, the way his breath hitches when I get pushed a little too close to him at parties, and everything else I haven’t noticed before. My friends were adamant that he liked me back but I couldn’t see it. Slowly I distanced myself from them, for one my manager thought it would be a good idea to release some new music soon so I was extra busy and I can’t really be around my friends without feeling like my heart is going to explode. Of course they started noticing and not a day went by where I didn’t get texts from at least three of them asking where I was and why I stopped coming around. Even Jason and Josh dropped my apartment to make sure I was still alive.

Three weeks have gone by since my sleepover with Jeff. We still talk but not as much as before. Carly and Natalie were constantly calling and texting and I truly felt bad, but it would seem like such a bullshit excuse to say it’s because of my crush on Jeff.

“Sage, this is... this is real good work. I’m thinking we finish it up, and be set to release it in two weeks” James, my manager, said listening to to the final of three of the songs

“Thanks dad, I think today we’re recording the last song. I’ll email you our final version by the end of the day” I reply, he ruffles my hair and nods, leaving for another meeting while the producer and I talk about the last track

We record for about four hours, fine tuning every last detail. After the two of us finally felt good about it we sent the file to James who also gave the approval. We sent it in the the higher ups who also gave us the ok. All the promotional pictures were finished, we had an album cover chosen, now to put it all together and make this my first serious piece of art. After the long morning I decided to head straight to my apartment. I wasn’t particularly hungry anyways. I parked my car and took the elevator up to my apartment.  

I noticed shushing and brushed it off, thinking it was just Carly and Erin messing around. I unlock the door and see all of my friends crammed into this fairly small apartment. No one had their cameras out and they all had their arms crossed I sighed and put my things down before shutting the door.

“Before you even say anything. No I’m not on drugs, I don’t hate anyone, and I actually have been working on my music. My first EP is coming out in a few weeks” I explain, their faces relax and Carly walks up to me

“Don’t you ever try to ghost us like that again. We hated it” She said, wrapping her slender arms around my shoulders and I nodded, our friends came around and we all had a sweet group hug

“Well a congratulations are in order. I think we should celebrate tonight” David says, laughing loudly

“Fine, I’m stealing a Red Bull from your fridge though” I say, we all go downstairs and I finally notice some of their cars parked there

We all head to David’s house and I grab a Red Bull. We all sit in the living room. Filming dumb bits and getting ready for tonight. David wanted to throw it at his house since he wanted to keep it relatively small. Natalie, Carly, and Erin went to stock up for the night, asking me about all my favorite things. It took about an hour and a half for them to come back. Everyone helped get things from Nat‘s car and set up. We were finally ready and decided to start drinking before everyone got here.

“May Ilya and Zane stay away from the hospital. Amen” I yell, all of them cheering in response as we take our shots

After a few rounds of shots I was already pretty tipsy. I sat down at the couch, answering a few congratulatory texts from others. I talked to a few of our friends here and there. Jeff was nowhere to be found. I frowned a bit, but who can blame him? After all, I’m the one who made the decision to not talk to him.

“Do you think we could get a sneak peak?” Jason asks, taking a set next to me but I shake my head

“I want to keep it a complete surprise. Plus I’ve been thinking about having a release party and showing everyone there” I said, Jason actually thought that was a much better idea than just playing it

We made small talk here and there, apparently Wyatt has been dying to see my new studio. I loved Jason’s kids like they were my own family, especially since Wyatt and I have such a love for music.

“I’d love to have Wyatt at the studio. He can even record some things if he wants to. I know how to produce as well” I said, Jason damn near cried at the suggestion and we set a date

“Someone looks a little sober” Zane yells from behind us, I laugh and allow him to take me to the kitchen where the others were taking shots or making their best interpretations of different cocktails

After sampling everyone’s horrible attempt at a blackberry mojito it’s safe to say I was one shot away from exiting the physical realm. Especially since Zane decided it was appropriate to just dump nearly an entire bottle of rum in the drink. After a few minutes Todd headed to the door and let someone in. I heard the familiar accent and my heart dropped to my stomach. Jeff is here.

To be fair, I’m probably the only one who really cares that much, especially since I’m drunk as hell and I have a crush on the dude. I try to run and hide in a corner but there’s a lot more people now. I finally see an opening and head straight for the backyard. Thankfully no one noticed because Zane was too busy doing something extremely dangerous. I sit in one of the chairs we reserve for smoking, hitting my puff and scrolling mindlessly through TikTok, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. I hear the sliding door open and look up to see David.

“Alright what’s wrong? You look like we threw a party because we killed your dog” David jokes, my lips spread into a light smile

“Nothing, I’ve just been so exhausted lately with everything going on.. that’s all” I lie, I mean I’m not really lying, just not telling him the whole truth

“So it has nothing to do with Jeff showing up and you’re definitely overthinking and avoiding him even more. C’mon I’ve known you for forever, you can’t lie to me” He replies, his tone suddenly being serious

And it’s true, I’ve known David since I moved out here. He was my first real L.A friend. He’s seen me at my absolute lowest moments, and someone I could always go to whenever something was wrong. I hated that he could read me like a book.

“Fine, the Jeff thing is a contributing factor. But I’m being honest about the exhaustion” I say, crossing my arms like a child

We sit and talk, something we haven’t done in forever. It felt nice to have someone listen to me. After about half an hour of just talking we decide to head back inside. I felt too sober again and took some shots with Natalie and Toddy. I could feel Jeff’s eyes glaring a hole into the side of my head, but I was too sober to deal with anything right now.

At around 1:00 am. I got hungry and ordered DoorDash for everyone. All the other guests had left so it was just our main group scattered around the house. Jeff was surprisingly still here. Todd had whispered to me earlier that the only reason he was sticking around this late was to make sure I got home alright. I smiled at the sentiment, he was always making sure my drunk ass was safe.

Our DoorDash arrived and we all ate while watching some movie David found on Netflix. Jeff took a seat next to me, the look in his eyes was telling me he was going to ask for my permission so I simply nodded and scooted over so he could be comfortable. After we ate David wanted to get some last minute bits before we left for his vlog tomorrow.

“Jeff are you attracted to Sage?” David asks, my breath hitches in my throat, making me choke on my water

“No, I’ve blocked her out. Since she’s part of the friend group I don’t want to make anything weird” He replies, I can tell the answer even made David a little upset

Jason makes a joke to lighten the mood before there’s any tension which I greatly appreciate. Although Jeff’s words struck a cord, while I sit there repeating what he said it hits me. He’s right, I can’t guarantee that if Jeff and I were together that it would be for life and I can’t lose my second family. He’s right, it would never happen. Before I know it I feel my eyes watering and Natalie gently grabs my hand before leading me to her room with the rest of the girls in tow. When she closes the door I finally let it all out

“It’s ok princess, let it out” Mariah says, the girls wrapping me in a group hug

“It’s so stupid, we’re best friends before I let this stupid ass crush ruin everything but just hearing him say that out loud made it so much more concrete that we will never be together” I cry, resting my head on her shoulder

We have a little talk and I clean myself up before we all go back outside. At that point  David was done filming and was looking through the footage on his camera to pick out some clips. Jeff was waiting patiently on the couch before Corinna spoke up.

“Hey Jeff, I’m gonna take Sage home. We have some plans tomorrow and it would just be easier if I stay over” She says, it’s sort of true, Corinna has some meetings in the morning and they’re closer to my place but she isn’t staying over

“Oh ok, I should head out then. I’ll see you guys later” Jeff says, saying his goodbyes and leaving

“So was anyone else uncomfortable with Jeff’s answer or was it just me?” David asks, the group agrees, it’s definitely in his right to say that I mean no is mad

“Yea, I wasn’t mad cause it’s his own opinion and Jeff is a big boy, but he seems to sort of lead you on for him to turn around and say that he doesn’t even see you like when we ask him about Natalie and Corinna” Heath replies, everyone nods in agreement and I just sigh

“I’m not mad, I mean I have been sort of ghosting everyone these past few weeks, maybe he’s just upset” I explain, Heath and Todd give me the look

“Baby that’s bullshit and you know it” Heath laughs, Todd agrees with him and taps my leg

“To be honest, he was very stressed out while you were gone” He says, I know he’s trying to make me feel better but it doesn’t really help

Corinna and I leave shortly after we have our little group talk. We caught up during the car ride and before I know it we’re at my apartment. We say goodbye and plan to meet for lunch tomorrow before I head up to my apartment. I knew Carly was probably fast asleep so I tried to be as quiet as possible.

I get ready for bed and climb into my warm blanket, wrapping myself like a burrito. I browse TikTok on my phone for a few minutes before setting my alarm. Just before I let sleep take over my phone buzzes on my nightstand.

Jeff: I missed you.. I’m sorry for being an asshole tonight. I had no idea that I was leading you on, but I didn’t know you had a crush on me..

Fuck.

[soapoperabub]

Sneaky Business - final chapter

( Draco Malfoy x Reader )

A/N: Finally, the day we’ve been waiting for. The final chapter. I’m not gonna say anymore ‘3′ ENJOYY Also, if you enjoy reading my stories, I more than welcome you to reblog and show it some love, it would mean the absolute world to me 🥺🥺

Warnings: Draco going around breaking hearts

Word Count: 2.1k

heres part 3 :)

“Crabbe. I need you to listen to me, you can’t tell Y/N. She’s going to ask everyone tomorrow. Whatever you do, don’t tell her it was me.”

Slowly taking steps backwards, still processing what he meant by his words, I walked away in a fast pace. I’ve always had my finger on him, but I still didn’t believe it entirely. I wished I was wrong. I couldn’t help but wonder if he truly meant those words he told me by the lake. Were they just white lies? Or were they just to make me believe it wasn’t him; because who would hurt someone they wouldn’t want to see crumble? But they weren’t the only questions playing my head. “Why does he loathe me this terribly?”

»»————-　　————-««

I found myself in the library, somewhere you don’t usually find a Draco. The perfect place to be by ourselves. Though it was difficult, I tried to give him a chance – to explain himself. Maybe he would suddenly change his mind overnight. Just maybe, he would realise how it feels to be in my shoes, for a change. Maybe, he would regret everything and come clean.

“Hey, are you listening?” He shot me back from my thoughts, waving a hand over my face. “Aren’t you going to continue with your plan?” He scratched the back of his head, presumably as I was staring at him while I was lost in my thoughts.  

“Yeah, before that, do you have anything you wanna tell me?” He looked confused.

“Like what?” But his expression soon faded, and now concern took over. I cocked an eyebrow, giving him a face that read ‘really?’.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Y/N.” Looking away, he started playing with his hair. “Draco.” Sternness taking over my tone, causing him to look back at me. He paused as if he was assuring himself “there’s no way she would’ve heard”, before leaning over the table closer to me, tilting his head to one side. “Is it about what I said yesterday? I meant it.”

“Did you really?” I crossed my arms, leaning back against my chair. “Your words and actions really go against each other, you know? I don’t know which one to believe.” Fazed, he sat upright on his chair.

“Y/N, you’re just being paranoid. You don’t know what you’re saying.” I furrowed my eyebrows at his stupid excuse. “Well then, let’s see if I really am paranoid or you’re just being an asshole.” I spat, before forcefully pushing my chair away and storming out the door.

I knew he was following behind me as I didn’t hear the door shut when I left the room. “Y/N, where are you going? Y/N!” Out of pure luck, I spotted Crabbe wandering around the hallway. I knew that if I had to walk any further, Draco would have already caught up to me.

“Crabbe.” Startled, he widened his eyes, glancing back and forth between me and Draco.

“Y/N, what are you doing?”

“What’s going on?” Crabbe interrupted, as I was about to harshly shut Draco up. “Crabbe, who did you hear the rumors from?” They were both taken aback by my straightforwardness.

“I-,” he opened his mouth to speak, stealing glances at Draco.

“Don’t look at him. I’m the one talking to you.” I felt a hand place itself on my shoulder but I shrugged it off. “Don’t touch me.”

“I don’t know-“

“Nothing’s stopping me from breaking into the Potions Room and shoving the Veritaserum down your throat, Crabbe.” I looked him dead in the eye, causing him to gulp. There was hesitation in his eyes. I realised I had no time to waste, turning on my heels I was about to find my way to the Potions Room when Crabbe spoke up.

“Draco,” I spun my head around, now having both Draco and Crabbe in my field of vision. Draco looking at the ceiling, running both his hands through his hair in frustration. “It was Draco.” Crabbe looked down at his feet. I looked away; I couldn’t face either of them. Every time I did, a spark of anger would light up inside of me and the very last thing I wanted was to do something I’ll eventually regret.

“Y/N, I was about to tell you-“

“Then why didn’t you?” Looking back at them, I saw Draco and his desperate-looking eyes – similar to the ones he portrayed last night. “I even gave you a chance to.”

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I knew if I did, it would’ve just hurt you more.” Slowly, Crabbe started moving away from the scene.

“You think hearing it from someone else is any better? I was going to find out eventually, wasn’t I? Or were you planning to keep me dumbfounded forever?” His eyes flickering, he looked away, as if I had finally read the part of his mind he never wanted me to. “So that’s it? You’re not gonna explain why? Or what those silly lies you told me last night really meant? Was playing with my feelings just a little hobby of yours?”

His mouth opened, giving me hope that he would finally open up and fill me in with everything – tell me that he was forced to do what he did and that he regretted it. But nothing came out. Not even an “I’m sorry” or a “Forgive me”. I couldn’t bear being in that hallway with him any longer, I finally turned back around and walked out.

 »»————-　　————-««

 It’s been almost a month now, and every time I met eyes with Draco, I would leave. There hasn’t been any more rumors since that day, I didn’t know how to feel about that. I was still bothered by everything that happened, but I tried putting it out of the picture and focused on graduating and getting the hell out of this place.

Exhausted with my mind constantly playing scenes from what happened a month ago, I decided to step out and watch the lake shimmering with the light reflected from the moon. I sighed as all my worries left my body, once again. I reopened my eyes as I remembered the days I would find myself here after tiresome days of dealing with the scurrilous attack of the society, or specifically, Draco. I’ve always wondered why hardly anyone is seen here. Is it because of the Giant Squid? I chuckled as I thought to myself, I might have even befriended the squid considering how often we see each other.

“D’you mind sharing what’s so funny? I’ve never needed a laugh this desperately my entire life.” I twisted my head around to see Draco with both his hands buried in his pockets, making his way to me. A slight smile plastered on his face. I was too busy studying him that I didn’t realise he had already stopped beside me. “Hi,” His smile tightened as he looked down at me. “It’s been a while, huh?”

I almost missed his voice, the smell of his presence. “What do you want?” I wished to believe that if I replied distantly, he would leave.

“You wouldn’t let me talk to you. The only way was to come quietly.”

“Why are you here, Draco.” It was a question but felt more of a statement. “I want to-- No, I need to explain.”

Why does this boy always seek for third chances, I thought to myself. As if second ones aren’t enough. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t stop him. I felt that if I give him the third chance, as he’s always been asking, he might redeem himself. I thought maybe that’s just how he is – a guy of third chances.

“I started those rumors because I didn’t have any other way of getting to Harry,” Oh, so this is about my brother. Of course it was. It has never been about me, it never will. But I didn’t stop him. My head was spinning and I didn’t have the energy to fight.

“I started regretting it after… after I developed feelings. I wanted to tell you. I really did. Soon, your struggles became mine, and I felt as if my emotions mirrored yours. I was going to tell you. That night before Hermione ran to you. But hearing what you had to go through because of my actions, I felt bad. And I knew you would hate me when you found out I was behind them. That was the last thing I would ever want.” He stopped for a while, probably waiting for me to reply. Or weirded out by the fact that I didn’t cut him off while he was talking. “I stopped the rumors.”

“Why?” I decided the answer he was going to give to this question would determine whether he lived up to his given third chance or he threw it away, just like how he did to his previous chances.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you stop?” I couldn’t read his eyes. Ever since the day the truth was out, I have never been able to read him – like he was a different person, like the memories we had shared suddenly evaporated with time. I don’t know what’s going in his head. And that was what scared me the most. I didn’t know him.

“Well, it didn’t faze Harry at all anyway--” I sighed, rubbing my face with both my hands, and tucked the few strands of hair that fell out of my messy bun behind my ears. I saw this coming, honestly. I’ve always known none of this was about me. “Draco, do you even realise what you’re saying?” He looked confused.

“This was never about us. You don’t like me—”

“I do. I’m positive that I do. I love you. What I said that night, I meant it, with the bottom of my heart.” I looked at him, my eyes softening as I saw his desperate eyes for the third time.

“Draco, it’s not love that you felt. It was pity, it was guilt. You felt as if you were crumbling with me because you knew you were the cause of it. Like you said, you felt bad. You wanted to tell me that night, because it was too much for you to handle on your own. The guilt was piling up until it reached the peak, and you were about to explode.”

Suddenly, I saw two of him. One was blurrier than the other. And everything around me started cloning itself, causing me to shut my eyes due to the dizziness it made me feel, then reopening them. I shrugged it off, thinking that it must be because I was tired.

He just stared at me, his eyes still unreadable. It was this silence again. The silence that occurs when he doesn’t disagree to what I say, giving me the perception that I was right on something I wished I wasn’t right on.

My head suddenly lost all thoughts, and now it was like a dark empty box. It wasn’t long until my vision took the idea of a dark empty box too, and soon all I saw was black.

“Y/N? Y/N!”

»»————-　　————-««

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a blurry vision of the ceiling to the Hospital Wing. And the first thing I felt was a ringing headache, along with sore back. It took me a while to regain my consciousness fully. Once I did, I searched the room, no one was there, except an owl, along with a rolled up piece of paper tied around its leg using a string.

“Hello?” In case someone else was there, and the letter was theirs, I spoke up, my voice a little croaky. But no reply. Untying the paper from it’s leg, I moved up my bed and leaned my back against the headboard, the owl flying out one of the windows as I move. Hesitant, I unrolled the paper and read it.

 “

Y/N,

I am deeply sorry for being ignorant and not realising how much of a pain I’ve been to you. Thank you for helping me be able to grasp onto what I’ve actually been feeling. Once again, I am genuinely sorry from the bottom of my heart. I hope one day, you’ll be able to forgive me.

-Draco Lucius Malfoy

                                                                         ”

I felt a tear rolling down my cheek, along with another one, and another one as my mind played clips of everything that happened last night. Soon enough, I couldn’t stop, I found myself weeping as quiet as I possibly could in case the walls weren’t soundproof. Everything I would have felt last night, if I wasn’t close to blacking out, came at me all at once. And now, I was left with only memories of us.

taglist: @softlyqoos​ @thatguppienamedbae​ @daltonacademia​ @gloryekaterina​ @thescarletknight2014​ @svturtles​ @malfoy-styles-wife

[melon-wing]

A Confession of Love 3/3

[Fanfiction Masterlist] It took Grian a few days and he felt emotionally drained each time he was done. He felt like he was pouring all of his feelings and emotions into this and maybe it wasn‘t really healthy. Mumbo and Iskall would probably frown at him if they knew how much sleep he missed over getting everything done. Impulse had dropped by a few times, cheering Grian on, making him believe that this might really work out.

To say Grian was nervous would be an understatement. He had the coordinates already typed into his communicator in a private chat with Ren, but he kept pulling his finger from the send button.

“Oh come on! Just do it! You really need to know! Or should I press it for you?“ Grian turned to look at Impulse, who was still with him, just in case he needed some mental support. And Grian was kind of glad he was here. Especially when he realised that while turning around to Impulse he had accidentally hit the send button. Well, that gave him one less thing to worry about…

Wait! Fuck! He had sent it and Ren was going to come over and that meant he‘d know, which meant Grian was maybe minutes or hours away from being gently let down. Oh god, he wasn‘t ready. He really wasn‘t ready. Impulse started laughing at Grian’s panicked face and when Grian glared at him that laugh made room for a fond smile. “It’ll be alright, Grian. And I’ll be here with you all the way, okay? No matter what happens tonight, you still got me, don't forget that. I might not be as cuddly as Ren, but Zed always tells me I give one hell of a hug."

Grian looked at Impulse and just like that his heart seemed to calm down at least a bit and he felt like he could actually do this. So what if Ren wasn't feeling the same way? What if Ren only liked him as a friend. He liked his friendship with Ren. Staying friends wouldn't be the end of the world and he'd be finally able to move on from those feelings that had been getting him down lately. He'd be able to go back to his comfortable single life that he had never wanted to leave anyways.

"Yeah I guess it's alright. I'm just... nervous. This isn't some romance novel. Stupid grand romantic gestures never work in real life." Grian laughed joylessly and pushed a few loose strands of hair out of his face. "But that's alright. And I won't be here forever anyways. The season is coming to an end soon, I can tell. I don't have much longer with you guys."

"You know you could ask Xisuma to-"

"I know. I could. I won't. I've got friends waiting for me to return. I can't just stay here. And if he's saying no there's no reason for me to stay here anyways. Not that I don't like all of you guys... But yeah. I think I'm not ready to fully commit yet. And moving on will definitely be easier once I'm off world."

Impulse looked at him sadly and Grian avoided his gaze. Mumbo and Iskall had already tried to convince him to stay as well. Heck, even Taurtis - who he was supposed to return to after Hermitcraft was done - kept urging him on to stay, to find happiness.

"Can we not talk about this while I'm freaking out about getting my heart broken?"

Impulse sighed once more and put an arm over Grian's shoulder, pulling him into a half hug. "I'm sure it’ll work out. Don't worry too much. It doesn't help anyways."

Grian nodded and, taking a deep breath stepped back once more. "So you saw what I did, right? You think he'll get it?"

Impulse laughed again, shaking his head. "Grian. He will know. Dude. You practically turned your Infinity room into a love confession."

Grian blushed a little as his mind went to the small room below his base, thousands of blocks away. It had taken him forever, but armed with some black dye and a brush he'd poured out his love over the walls. The room had been turned into a corridor, and with the help of a few armour stands (Cleo had luckily agreed to teach him a few things about creating them) it now told their story and the way Grian had fallen. Or well... He'd put it more in terms of Red Riding Hood falling for the Wolf. He would have felt weird putting his own face onto those armour stands and his own name into the story.

But he was sure Ren would get it. Hell, there were lines out of their private conversations written over the wall. He would get it... wouldn't he?

A loud beep rang from his communicator and Grian almost dropped it in a hurry to get it out.

<Ren> I'm there now! I'm very excited for the surprise!

"Oh... Oh fuck. I don't know if I'm ready for this", Grian mumbled and then kept walking in circles around the campfire, Impulse's eyes following him. He couldn't handle this. Minutes passed and every noise made him jump as he anticipated the communicator going off.

The longer it went on, the more nervous Grian got. After ten minutes he had taken off his flower crown and started fidgeting around with it, leaves and pallets dropping to the ground. His hands were shaking, he needed to keep them busy. Ren sure as hell must have finished by now, right? He couldn't still be in the room. Why was it taking so long? Maybe he wasn't getting the message after all? No, if that was the case he would have messaged Grian by now. That left only two options. Either Ren was still down there and looking at Grian's work or he knew exactly what it was about and didn't know how to let Grian down gently. The last option was way more likely.

Another ten minutes seemed to pass by agonizingly slow and Grian knew he was a nervous mess. He couldn't handle this pressure. He just couldn't. 

Finally, his communicator beeped. A message. He just knew it was from Ren without even having to look at the display. A second ago he had thought he wanted nothing more than to see a message, now he was frozen, unable to even look at the tiny screen. His heart was racing, he was sweating and he had the urge to vomit.

It took him a minute or two to calm down enough, but his fingers were still shaking when he opened up the communicator and then Ren‘s message.

<Ren> Grian? You there?

Grian was pretty sure by now he was going to vomit. Why had he thought again this might be a good idea? It wasn‘t. It had never been. Ren surely had gotten the message going from just those two sentences. And now? Was he really ready for this?

He just knew what was coming. Ren would let him down, trying to be gentle, but still crushing his heart in the progress. It had always been like this. Sam, Taurtis, Mumbo… It had always been the same. He had fallen hard and thought he might have a chance only to be disappointed once more. Only for them to tell him that he was such a nice guy and a good friend, but really, there was nothing there. No feelings.

Despite that, Grian replied. He still had Impulse to cry to later. He needed to get this done - rip it off like a bandaid.

<Grian> Yeah.

<Ren> You know I‘m a coward sometimes and a bit dumb…

Grian had to giggle a bit at that though he felt like sobbing even more, his heart racing. 

<Ren> But I was really wondering if this thing you made for me… Is it based on real life?

Grian‘s hands were shaking so much he could barely type a reply. He settled on something short instead of some long winded explanation.

<Grian> Yes. Sorry.

Grian put the communicator down again, closing his eyes, taking a few deep and shaking breaths. He wanted to turn back time. He didn‘t want to be in this situation he had put himself in. It was frightening. It was all too much. Why had he done this to himself? He wasn‘t brave enough to face the disappointment. He wasn‘t ready to have his heart broken once more and watch Ren be happy with someone else. He couldn‘t bear it. Not again. Especially not with Ren.

There was no reply. No beeping noise. Nothing.

Grian knew what that meant. After all, there was only one logical explanation. Ren didn‘t return his feelings. He had put Ren into a corner, pressured him to reply to his feelings and now Ren opted to not say anything at all. Minutes passed without anything at all happening.

Grian gave a sigh, feeling his heart rate return to normal, a cold feeling spreading in his chest as he typed the next message. 

<Grian> I like you. A lot. More than a friend should. But if you don‘t, that is totally fine and I‘m totally chill with that. No worries, really. No pressure.

His communicator stayed silent again for a long time. Grian kept staring at it, tears forming in his eyes and then slowly dropping down onto his hands. This had been so stupid. He didn‘t deserve to be loved by someone as bright and amazing as Ren. Ren could have anyone on the server, so why should he even settle for Grian. It had been dumb to think all those love declarations meant something special. They never did. He had been delusional, blinded by his love.

The communicator beeped and knowing that it would be something to let him down gently, Grian steeled himself to read the message.

<Ren> Goibve mee a mimute. Flyng rn.

Grian looked at the jumbled message for a few times, blinking in confusion. Ren was… flying? What was that supposed to even mean?

And just when it slowly dawned on Grian what it meant, there was already the sound of exploding rockets fired in a far quicker succession than absolutely necessary drawing closer. Nobody would waste resources like that unless it was an absolute emergency.

Grian raised his head and the moment he did something or rather someone collided with him at such a high speed they both fell to the floor. Luckily enough, the landing was rather soft with the grass below them. Warm arms wrapped around Grian, his face buried in someone neck and just taking a short breath he felt a familiar scent filling him.

Still, Grian felt hesitant about returning the hug until Ren drew back a little, arms staying around Grian, but now able to look at him. And his eyes were shining brighter than Grian had ever seen them.

“Ren, what- Why did you come?”

“Of course I’d come.” Ren let out a laugh and the way it made his eyes just sparkle more made Grian’s heart skip a beat. “After what you did - what you said.”

“Does that mean-” Grian started, but broke off, his throat suddenly feeling tight, his heart only racing faster as all the hope he’d constantly pushed down rose up all at once, overwhelming him. This was it. This was the moment of truth and he was more hopeful than he‘d ever been before. Surely Ren wouldn‘t have come over if he wanted to let Grian down, right?

“I’m feeling the same way. I love you. I want to be with you.”

Grian couldn’t help it. All his emotions came out all at once and with a small giggle a tear slipped down his face as well. He was just too happy.

“I love you too, Ren. So very much. I’ve loved you for so long. I just… I didn’t think this would happen. I don’t even know where to go from here. Can I-” Grian stopped, licking his lips and looking up at Ren. “Can I kiss you?” And when their lips met Grian was glad he had stopped hiding how he truly felt, glad that he hadn’t kept on pretending until it was too late. This was perfect. This was what he had always dreamed off and he wanted this moment to go on forever.

[ladyloveandjustice]

The Westing Game Chapter 21

The Fourth Bomb

In a wacky misunderstanding, Theo thinks Alice is the bomber and tries to blackmail her with the info so he can borrow her bike (Yes, really. Go big or go home is Theo’s motto) but of course Alice thinks he means he knows ANGELA is the bomber.

And in what might be the most touching moment in the book so far, Alice responds to this by setting off a bomb and writing a thing indicating that she is the bomber in order to throw all suspicion off Angela. She eve loses her trademark braid in the process.

It really is incredibly sweet. Alice is very caustic toward her sister, but this isn’t the first time she’s indicated she’s ride-or-die when it comes down to it (she got rid of the evidence for Angela and warned her not to say anything to the lawyer), and it’s also a very lovely response to Angela’s early sacrifice- where she took the bomb she made to her face rather than have it explode to her sisters. But while Angela’s sacrifice was spur-of-the-moment motivated by guilt and panic as well as love (not that it makes it less meaningful), Alice’s is one she planned out and considered. She had time to consider the consequences. She knew that Angela willingly put herself in this position. But she still chose to take the fall anyway, and set off a bomb after seeing what the same thing did to her sister’s face.

She already feels meaningless to her family in general, and maybe on the surface she feels her standing (with her mother in particular) can’t get any lower. “I’m already the troublemaker, I’m already the unwanted one, I have nothing to lose, but Angela would lose everything” was how she convinced herself. (in addition to being aware as a minor she wouldn’t be punished as harshly, smart girl that she is).

But it’s also clear that Alice DOES long for her mother’s love and approval, and I think she also had to contend with a deep fear that after this action, there’d be no going back for them, that she’d doomed herself to be the ‘bad one’ forever. Yet she still did it.

And the loss of her braid is of course, incredibly significant. Angela said earlier that the braid is her “crutch”- she bases a lot of her personality around it. It was her excuse to spend time with her mother and now her excuse to spend time with Flora, it’s the trademark thing people can pull on and she can then she gets excuse to kick them and get in fights and form connections, it’s how she gets attention and relationships for herself without exposing her own vulnerability. But she sacrificed what little that makes her stand out, what little social currency she has to protect the same sister who she envies for being in the spotlight- because that bond is more important than her jealousy and her need for attention. Just like her sister sacrificed one of the things that bring her adulation- her looks- to protect her. Love is more important than those petty things.

Alice is forced to talk to Judge Ford afterwards and, sharp as ever, Ford guesses that she’s protecting Angela.  This quote especially gets me:

The judge was astounded (…). Angela could not be the bomber, that sweet, pretty thing. Thing? Is that how she regarded the young woman, as a thing? And what had she ever said to her except “I hear you’re getting married, Angela” or “You’re so pretty, Angela”. Had anyone ever asked about her ideas, her hopes, her plans? If I had been treated like that, I’d have used dynamite, not fireworks; no, I would have just walked and kept on going. But Angela was different.

There’s a fascinating theme in this book about being marginalized, and the different ways these marginalized people both are pitted against each other and can overlook even each other while also finding connections and comradery with each other… I think I’ll have to wait until the end to fully get my thesis on the whole thing together, but I really find it interesting and appreciate it. Ford’s struggles as a black woman, Alice being overlooked for not performing femininity (thus envious of Angela despite knowing how shitty she has it), Angela being boxed because everyone wants to mold her as the perfect feminine ideal (thus feeling envious of Alice despite knowing how shitty she has it), Sun feeling out of place as a Chinese immigrant, Hoo knowing he’s looked down upon as a Chinese-American (yet still not considering the pain of his own wife), Chris struggling as a disabled kid, many people who are financially disadvantaged and/or feeling limited to the role of caretaker, Sydelle feeling overlooked in general and appropriating others’ struggles in her bizarre quest to get noticed- it’s all very interesting and pretty deftly handled, especially considering the time period the book was written in. 

And our antagonist is quintessential exploitative Rich White Man (obsessed with American Exceptionalism to boot), though it’s casually mentioned he’s the son of immigrants, an identity he seems to have actively shed, going so far as to change his name (if that’s why he changed it), so there’s even complexity there.

But the thing with Ford here is an interesting demonstration of that. Despite being smart and socially aware and having an even more fraught history of being dismissed and belittled, she didn’t give much thought to Angela and subconsciously went along with the same objectification everyone else does, putting her on a pedestal. (There’s a lot to be said about how Angela’s veneration and perceived “purity” by the others might interact with her whiteness, and how Ford realizing she bought into that narrative subconsciously might feel to her as a black woman, but I’m not really the person to discuss that. Anyway!)

The other important development here is that Alice also finally confesses that she saw Westing the night of his murder but mentions that the Westing she saw didn’t look dead, but asleep and like a wax dummy. This sets off alarm bells for both me and Ford.

So, I think its safe to say my earlier theory Sam Westing isn’t dead is probably true. What of the corpse that was present at the will-reading? I think people would have noticed it was a wax dummy, but a disguised corpse from his coroner friend still makes some sense. So where is Westing now? Considering Barney Northup doesn’t exist, could he be Barney?

But speaking of Westing, if we need further confirmation the man is the scum of the earth, he’s a union buster and he fired Sandy for trying to organize one in the paper plant.

We also learn Ford’s backstory with Westing at last: Her parents were household staff at Westing’s mansion and she grew up there as a result. She played chess with Westing frequently as a child, but not only would he brag and take pride in beating a goddamn pre-teen, he mocked her with racialized insults. She never won, but Westing ended up financing her education (that’s the ‘debt’ she owes him). She believes he did this to get a judge he could control, but has refused to play along, removing herself from any case involving him.

I can’t help but think Westing would have known Ford wouldn’t play ball, though. So he may have had another motive for sending her to school. It could be something even more sinister. Or… in his own twisted way, did he actually like her? He obviously realized she was incredibly intelligent during those matches, even if he sadistically enjoyed mocking her, enough to know she’d do well with an education. Did he play chess with her so much not just because he enjoyed tormenting her, but enjoyed her as a person as well? It obviously does not excuse what a racist sadistic shithead he is, and I’m not saying he’s secretly nice- just that it could be he was incapable of relating to anyone in a healthy way. I actually think sending Ford to school could have just been an extension of his desire to torment her AND the only way he knew that would guarantee he remained important in her life. He didn’t ever plan to cash in on her debt, but knew it would kill her just to BE in his debt, and got pleasure out of that alone. He probably just thought it was funny and it was also a way to guarantee he’d live in her head rent free- and because deep down he knew she was a cool kid, he also wanted that. He didn’t want her to forget him, maybe, which is sick! But much more interesting than simply “he wanted a judge he could manipulate”.

But it’s also worth noting this is Ford’s (perhaps) final chance to win against Westing in the ultimate chess match. And I can’t help but think he is well aware how smart she is, so he invited her here specifically because he knew she could be his undoing, the one who unravels everything. So- if we go with the ‘Westing is seeking atonement’ theory- did he invite her to give her that satisfaction of finally beating him, like he always knew deep down she could? Because he WANTS to be beaten, to be found out and knows she deserves to be the one after all the hell he put her through? Or in the ‘Westing is still a complete monster’ theory- is his intention to torment her one last time, to show her she can’t win against him? (if it is, I think he may well find he’s gravely mistaken there).

I don’t think Westing can truly achieve “redemption” with this “game”, nor am I one to easily believe the Ultimate Shitty Capitalist can change easily, but if one thing can shake someone’s worldview and make them reevaluate how they live their life, the death of their child WOULD be a big one. So “this will actually be Westing’s weird twisted attempt at atonement” is a possibility I just can’t stop thinking about. If it is, it’s kind of funny and incredible he can’t stop being manipulative and traumatizing even when he decides he wants to do something good.

On top of all that, Angela and Sydelle get more clues and finally figure out the ‘America the Beautiful’ connection. God, so much to chew on this chapter! I really fear for these last nine chapters. I might end up writing a novel longer than the actual novel analyzing and recapping them if I’m not careful. But that’s how you know it’s a compelling story, so hats off to Ellen Raskin!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #375

“why do i see her, the never-ending night  /  why do i see her, wearing nothing but the dark?”

Who’s one person who changed how you viewed something? I hold Rhett & Link responsible for "curing" my homophobia. I went through a phase where I shipped them like CRAZY, and they're still my "OTP," and it really made me question why I had such a disgusting belief. The switch was officially flipped when listening to their podcast with Hannah Hart, who discussed growing up as a lesbian surrounded by homophobia. Let me tell you, it felt fucking good to let that repulsive belief go. It was my former religion that tied me to it, but it could no longer be an excuse to me, even when I stayed Christian a while longer. And here I am now as a bisexual woman who wants to deck younger me dead in the face. :') Were you ever scared of driving? What scared you about it? I am TERRIFIED of driving. I'm most scared of getting in a wreck and killing somebody, something I would never. Ever. Ever. Forgive myself for. I'm also petrified of, once again, getting in a wreck and I wind up paralyzed from the neck down. The most memorable time that you skipped school, what did you do? Nothing very exciting. What was the last topic you did thorough research on? Why? Toxic masculinity for an essay in college. What is a dish you absolutely love, but hate to prepare yourself? I don't cook, so. Of the many different American accents, which one is your favorite? New York. Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? No. Why did you move to where you’re living now? Because we had to get out of our former house because the growing mold problem was a health hazard (especially for Mom, given her then-recent cancer diagnosis), and our family friend newly owned this house as a part of the former resident's will. Said resident knew Mom as well and the house problems, so she wanted Tobey to help us into this house anyway. What’s your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I literally couldn't care less. I do it a lot. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? No; Mom just pays attention to the price. Are you currently looking for a new job? No. I don't plan to until I'm done with TMS therapy. Are any of your relatives musicians? No. Have you ever had an asthma attack? Thank goodness no. My mom has asthma and I have seen her have an attack, so I know they're terrifying. Have you ever been in a hospital and not felt safe? There was one occasion during a psych hospital stay that my roommate had WILD anger issues. She would explode out of seemingly NOWHERE, to the point once or twice she had to be put in solitary because she would literally scream and damage shit, like throwing tables and such. She scared the piss out of me to the point I finally plucked up the courage to tell the nurses that I needed a different room. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I don't remember. Have you ever been hospitalized for a day or more? At psych hospitals. I think my shortest visit was just shy of a week. Have you ever had surgery? Two. Are you lonely? I'm admittedly very lonely. Are you mad at someone right now? No. Do you eat late at night? I sometimes need a small midnight or so snack because I cannoooooooot sleep when my stomach is growling. If I'm in basically any sort of discomfort, I have extreme trouble sleeping. Who do you miss? A lot of people. I miss Jason, Megan, Mini, Hannia, Emily, Journee... I don't feel like dwelling on those I've lost. Who do you admire most? Mark. If you could transform into any animal what would it be and why? Maybe a cat. Quick, agile, stealthy, majestic, well-equipped to defend itself... sounds pretty good. Are you more artistic or mathematical? Definitely more artistic. Which supermarket do you usually shop at? Wal-Mart. When was the last time you went to McDonald’s? I'm not sure, but it's been a while. Maybe around a month. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I believe I had a 3 Musketeers because I was really craving one. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? The woman who was doing my evaluation to determine if I was a good fit for TMS therapy. Can you remember the first time you ever talked to the person you love/like? Does he/she remember? I think I might have a vague idea, but I don't really remember. Would you be able to have a relationship with someone you didn’t find attractive, if they had a nice personality and treated you well? Yep. It sounds cheesy, but I do mean it when I say a beautiful inside blossoms into the body itself for me personally. Does the last person you kissed have brown eyes? Yes. Have you ever really liked someone to begin with, then changed your mind about them? I guess you could say Girt, because I had a pretty big crush on him when I started HS. We were just friends for way too long that when we finally dated years upon years later, it felt much too weird. He really was my "brother from another mother" by that point. Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you? Aaaaand he left. :^) If you decided to dye your hair, would you choose to go lighter or darker? Lighter. I want to dye my hair pastel colors so very badly. Do you know what the Enneagram is and if so, what’s your type? INFP. Do you listen to Mayday Parade? I only know "Terrible Things," which I positively adore. Do you have trouble falling asleep at night? I have an extremely hard time sleeping at night. It's honestly one reason I sometimes sleep so much during the day. Are you on a laptop, desktop or phone/iPod? A laptop. Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? I've screamed into a pillow. What’s the longest movie you’ve ever watched? I dunno, maybe over three hours? What was the last thing you watched on Netflix or Hulu? I have no clue. What do you think about your current relationship status? I mean I miss being in love and having someone who sees a future with me, but I know in the deepest part of me that it's wiser that I stay single until I figure some things out. Of most concern, I don't have a job or even a confident sign I'll have one soon, I'm not in school headed for a career, I don't drive, I don't cook... I'm a liability, financially and in other ways. It wouldn't be fair to my partner or even myself to go into a relationship with a heavy risk of heartbreak because I'm taking too long to get to where I want to be. I'm 25 now - if/when I get into a relationship, I want forever, and I'm not wasting time on anyone for almost inevitable failure as romantic partners. I want to AT LEAST have a steady job before I enter another relationship. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. Do you go out on dates? I have no one to go on a date with. Do you kiss on the first date? I never have and probably wouldn't, but I guess if things went very well and I was really into the person, maybe I would. What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone? Doing to do. Would you rather receive a stuffed animal, flowers, or chocolate? I'd really appreciate any. I think flowers are sorta overrated though honestly, like someone ripped some healthy flowers from their roots and doomed them to a quickly-approaching death, but society still has a part of me thinking "oh that's sweet." I think more than anything, I'd be crazy over a meerkat plushy. Or would expensive jewelry just be fine? You really don't have to do that for me; I don't really wear much jewelry at all anyway. Odds are you'd be wasting your money. What’s the cheesiest romantic gift you’ve ever received? I don't know. Do you like romantic poetry? Yessssssssss. Have you ever been rickrolled? I'm unsure. Do you like bologna? Yeah. It was my favorite lunch meat as a kid. Have you ever had a nose bleed? Yes. Have you ever puked on a fair ride before? No, because I don't go on rides that generally induce that sort of risk. What animals have you ridden? Just ponies. What is your parents' idea of grounding you? Taking away my access to the computer. Dragons or unicorns? Dragons! Do you wish vampires existed? Uh, no. At the moment what is your favorite song? I'm going through another phase of really digging "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Have you ever been pantsed? No. What is your favorite magazine? I don’t read any. Did you ever like Barbies? Do you currently like Barbies? I never really was, I just played with them when my little sister wanted to. I was more into playing with my dinosaurs and Pokemon and stuff. I'm not into them now, either. What’s your favorite hit song right now? I don't know what songs are "hits" right now. What’s your favorite element? (fire, water, air) Fire, aesthetically. Have you ever been to a wild party? Nah. Do you put on a robe when it’s cold? I don't own a robe. Is the last person you kissed gay? She's demisexual. What breed was the last dog you saw? She's some sort of hound mix. We think there might be dalmatian in her, too. What type of day are you having? It's been all right. I'm just REALLY not feeling this damn heat. Driving an hour and back to the TMS office in a car that has no A/C is agony. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced multiple times, and I want to do it again, but this time with a nostril hoop versus a stud so the goddamn thing stays in. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? I have an incredibly strong preference for cold weather. Fuck the heat. Like just 70*F is "too hot" to me. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My mom. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Do you like rain? Yes, but I don't like being caught out in it. I just like looking at and listening to it. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Yep. Do you like to cuddle? If I really like you and it's not too hot, yeah. Are you shy? I'm excruciatingly shy. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Hunny, I'd do that for free. Which do you like better- zebra print or leopard print? I'm not really a fan of either particular pattern on anything but the animal. Do you have any stickers on your car? I don't have my own car, but Mom has one that allows her to park in her old school's parking lot. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No. My sister Misty, tho

[m-oonrises]

12:10am

Tsukki asks for Yamaguchi's help interpreting an english passage for his homework. One of them tries to be brave.

part 2/? of yamaguchi and tsukishima‘s almost confessions 

"Yamaguchi, are you still up?" The knock comes just as he's about to throw on his covers. It's a bit past midnight, and Tsukishima probably knows it's way past his bed time. It's fine, Yamaguchi guesses that the lack of boundaries is what being best friends are for.

"Yeah, Tsukki, hold on," he opens the door to find the tall boy with a bunch of papers in hand. He stifles a yawn. "I was just about to pass out, you came just in time."

"Oh. Sorry, it can wait. It's just homework," Tsukishima doesn't look at him directly as he begins to turn from the door.

"Tsukki," he calls, but only slightly out of want and more of duty. He's lost whatever drowsiness he had a few minutes ago. If Tsukishima, his smart and immensely independent friend, is desperate enough to consult him at 12:10 am about homework, then as his best friend, he is obliged to.

It's not like they even had reason to still have boundaries when it comes to mundane things. The two of them have spent most of their lives together—from their painfully embarrassing shared childhood, to the highs and lows of high school. And when both he and Tsukishima got into the same University, it had been the logical choice to rent an apartment together.

It's mid-October and the nights are starting to get really cold. But joke's on you mother nature, Yamaguchi thinks, the mere knowledge that Tsukki lives and breathes a couple of meters away gives him all the warmth he needs.

"I can't get the meaning of this paragraph. I thought you might be able to help me," Tsukishima trails off and gestures at the clock, "I can just search it up online, though."

Yamaguchi nevertheless asks for the paper—the "It's okay, I can help" goes without saying. Toward the end of high school, Yamaguchi started getting into English Literature, intrigued by its history and forms. He wasn't the best in English when he started, but through hard work (and his then growing passion for short form English fiction) he slowly became one of the top students in their senior year English class. So it came as no surprise to anyone when he enlisted for English & Writing as an elective on their first year in University. What was a surprise, however, was Tsukishima deciding at the last minute that he'd give the class a go, too.

Today's topic for class had been "Psychology of the Self" and their professor had asked the class to write a short introspective piece about their thoughts and feelings. After which, they were asked to exchange with someone else in class, and that person was put in charge of analyzing the piece.

"Here, I can give it a read," he sets his pillows aside and takes the paper from Tsukishima's hand, motioning that the tall boy sit beside him. Tsukishima only sits by the edge of the bed.

Yamaguchi skims through the words and immediately sees that their classmate probably has had experience in writing. Albeit, a little bit cheesy but it gets the message across.

"How do I begin to explain the storm you've stirred in my heart? It's the wind that takes me high and low, that which also lives inside me, breaking through the cages of my chest, threatening to explode to reach you but can't. One day, I'll ride its gusts and fly myself to you, If I ever find the bravery."

"Oh, these are all a metaphor," he offers. Yamaguchi can feel his fingers buzz a bit while tracing the sentences, he feels like a philologist (is that what they call it?) that someone's just consulted and he's deciphering some sort of ancient text. "It's about feeling a certain way about someone, and," he clears his throat, "and feeling so much and just wanting to tell them, but not being able to. You know, that whole cliché unrequited love sort of thing."

Yes, cliché, and yet Yamaguchi knows the feeling all too well. Not to say that he hasn't had the occasional crush or fling here and there. In fact, he's received a good number of confessions toward his last year in high school, especially when he became captain. He still gets them today, and he definitely doesn't deny that some of them were cute. But Tsukki has been and always will be an ever-present presence in his life that made him want to explode, and he's constantly at the verge, held together only by a holed wall of pride he's so expertly managed to keep up. Yamaguchi's tried to repair the damage to no avail; liking Tsukki is an ages old thing that he has accepted to be an irreversible fact about himself.

"Really. Why doesn't he just tell them, then?" Tsukishima says, sounding annoyed as always, but Yamaguchi finds it a little bit out of character for him to bother with trivial things like unrequited feelings. Tsukishima continues, demanding, "If he feels he's about to explode and everything like he says."

"I don't know, Tsukki, I guess it isn't always easy," especially when you're pretty sure they don't feel the same way, Yamaguchi thinks, and you practically live with them, and they've been your best friend for just about forever, Tsukki, and whoop-dee-doo, I guess it's not really that big of a deal that everything you ever had together would be put at stake if you tell them.

"Right," Tsukishima begins, "makes sense."

The topic ends abruptly and the room goes silent. If Tsukki could read Yamaguchi's thoughts, he'd start panting from how fast they're running. The air around has suddenly become thick and he feels like he needs to focus on breathing else he'll forget.

Just as he's started drowning in his own embarrassing thoughts, Tsukishima breaks the silence when he shifts from where he's awkwardly positioned on the corner of the bed and moves just a tad bit closer, infiltrating Yamaguchi's space. He's so close that Yamaguchi can feel his warm breathing and the burning of his eyes which were now meeting the freckled boy's.

His best friend has slept over his room so many times; it isn't anything new. But Tsukki isn't the type to linger around after conversations end, Yamaguchi knows this, never the one to initiate anything. This, despite how normal it may seem, is not anything he's been expecting.

And he's definitely not expecting it when Tsukishima touches his arm lightly, opening his mouth once like he wants to say something and stops, and tries again, and—

"Yamaguchi," his voice is soft but firm, "I've been meaning to tell you something."

At this point, his hearing has been muffled by the rush of blood to his ears prompted by Tsukishima's earlier touch.

"This may sound weird but, Yamaguchi, I—"

His phone rings, as if on cue, his phone fucking rings. It's Hinata's name flashing to his ridiculous ringtone and he only feels a little bit bad thinking about how he actually wants to strangle his dear friend right now for unknowingly interrupting what could be the moment of moments. He quickly rejects the call, but Tsukishima's already snapped out of whatever trance he was in.

"Sorry, Tsukki, uh, you were saying?" Shit. It's probably the ringtone. The ringtone must've thrown Tsukki off.

"Oh-uh, nothing." Tsukishima only looks a little bit dazed before clearing his throat, and in the most Tsukishima way, calm and stoic, asks, "I was just leaving. Uh, Will you be up at seven? I can cook breakfast. You have class at nine right?"

"Oh, okay!" he tries his best not to sound disappointed at the shift. "Thanks Tsukki. Hmm, we can get coffee after! I'll walk you to class, too," Yamaguchi says and immediately wonders if he said it too enthusiastically.

"Yeah, okay," A pink color has noticeably stained Tsukishima's cheeks, but Yamaguchi doesn't comment on it, "thanks again, Yamaguchi."

"Anytime, Tsukki." He almost misses the faint smile on the blond boy's lips as he closes the door.

—

"One day, I'll ride its gusts and fly myself to you, If I ever find the bravery."

Yamaguchi threads the passage in his mind over and over. The events just moments ago hasn't sunk in yet. Could it be that it really isn't just him who lacked the bravery? And if he and Tsukki both really were thinking it, should he have been the one to go for it, instead? Should he have pushed further earlier? Maybe so. He turns his light off and settles back into his covers, setting his alarm clock to seven.

Sorry for not being brave enough today, Tsukki—staring at the ceiling, he imagines sending an invisible beam from his mind to the boy now two rooms down and hopes to the heavens that whatever his best friend was trying to say, he'll try saying again soon. Hopefully, he'll be brave enough then—Sorry, Tsukki, maybe tomorrow, we can try again.

[sol-tinyrayofsun]

Happy Zutara Week! Unspoken - Day 1: Reunion

Here goes my work for Day 1! It is also posted on my AO3. Enjoy! @zutaraweek

Title: Unspoken

Rating: G

Summary: It’s been two years since the last time Katara has seen Zuko, who could somehow be described as ‘the one that got away’. Well, they had both gotten away. Unfortunately. But the annual Ba Sing Se High Reunion brings their paths together once again. Katara’s running late to the ceremony, her friends are nowhere to be found, and Zuko seems determined to keep her from figuring out where the gang’s sitting. 

-----   

Katara sprinted into the auditorium’s room. Being late had never been her style. Or at least that’s what she liked to think. She couldn’t miss the Reunion Ceremony, a former valedictorian would never do such thing.

Just in time. The doors were about to close. She managed to grab a seat right in the back of the section where her group was supposed to be. Great, the headmaster was probably about to start his usual speech. And she couldn’t find her friends with the lights dimming even more with each passing second.

She took a seat in the back, still trying to catch a glimpse of them. Checking her phone to see if they had texted her which seat row to head over to, she felt the urge to curse out loud. None of her messages to the group chat had been sent. The cell reception was absolute hell in there. Nothing ever changed at Ba Sing Se High, huh?

Just as she was about to get back up, she saw him. Right in the seat in front of her. She would have recognized that black hair anywhere. Why was he even there? She didn’t recall him attending last year’s ceremony. In fact, she was sure he hadn’t. Not him or any of his friends. But now they were all there. Sitting just one seat row ahead of her.

She felt her heart skipping a beat. Two years. It had almost been two years since the last time she had looked into his eyes. Back at her high school graduation, which he had attended because of his own sister. On that occasion, they had been apart for a long time as well since he was a year older, just like her brother. She hadn’t seen his face ever since that bittersweet day. Well, aside from social media at least. Those annoyingly cute pictures he’d post showcasing his most recent adventures had a habit of catching her attention. All the Instagram Stories with photos of the moonlight accompanied by some melancholic song. More than one of those had stolen her breath away just from checking out the lyrics and wondering if somehow they were meant to be for her. After all, music had always been their thing.

Shaking her head, she reminded herself to look for her group. She wasn’t about to sit throughout this whole ordeal alone. The fun of it resided in being with her friends. Maybe Zuko and his group had seen them. Hell no , no way was she talking to him. What if she made a fool of herself? What if he thought it was all an excuse to interact with him again? The simple idea caused her heart to furiously pound inside her chest. But maybe one of his friends would be easier to talk to. After all, she had actually been classmates with them.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she decided to just go for it. The speech was about to start and her chances of switching seats were slimming by the minute.

“Um, Ty Lee,” Katara said as she tapped her shoulder. “Hi! Sorry to bother you.”

“Katara? Oh, Spirits, I haven’t seen you in ages!” The girl had a bright smile on her face as she turned around. “How are you?”

Ty Lee had always been the nicest one of his friends, with her playful stares and bubbly attitude. Katara remembered all those times when the girl had made puckish remarks about her intricate relationship with Zuko. She had always known there was something there. And she had never been one to ignore that kind of buzz.

“I’m good, thanks,” she replied, a strain of nervousness visible in her voice. “What about you?”

The sound of a new voice made her flinch on her seat.

“Sh! Katara, already making a fuss? Headmaster Roku is trying to start his speech.”

Azula. The least friendly of them all. Zuko’s little sister and her former classmate. Probably one of the reasons that contributed to things between her and Zuko never quite taking off.

“Kat is just being nice, Azula. And this kind of ceremonies never start in time,” Ty Lee said, brushing her off. “I’m great, Kat, thanks. So, what’s up?”

At that moment, someone else turned around. Zuko. Of course, he wouldn’t miss the opportunity to make a jittery mess out of her. His golden eyes felt like daggers sinking down into hers. He looked the same, messy hair, piercing glance, and the unmistakable scar on his face. He stayed quiet. She couldn’t believe he was there , looking at her after so long. Should she smile? Maybe nod at him? How was she supposed to act in front of someone that meant everything to her when technically nothing had ever happened between them?

Silence. No words had come out of her mouth yet. She hadn’t answered Ty Lee nor said anything to Zuko or Azula.

“Why are you three morons turned around?” Mai tilted her head from her seat next to Azula. “Oh. Katara. Nice to see you.”

Perfect. The last thing she needed was for Mai to notice her there. Katara felt her blood practically boiling at the memory of all those times she had believed her and Zuko were together. She had even started seeing someone else in an attempt to get over it, failing spectacularly. Now she knew the truth. But the timing had been too much of a mess for her to do something about it.

“Um, I just wanted to ask Ty Lee if she had seen Suki or anyone from the gang,” she managed to say.

“You mean your insanely loud friends? Nope, sorry, haven’t seen them,” Azula said with a smirk. “Come on, Mai, let’s turn around before the headmaster starts speaking.”

Both girls straightened in their seats, leaving just Zuko and Ty Lee facing her. Before she could say anything, she noticed Zuko whispering something to his friend. Ty Lee smiled as she listened, her eyes widening into a mischievous expression. After he was done talking, the two of them looked at her.

“So, this crazy dummy sitting next to me says he saw your friends getting into the auditorium,” Ty Lee explained.

“So?” She looked at him. “Tell me.”

Zuko simply shook his head in denial, a cryptic yet tender smile framing his face.

“Thing is,” Ty Lee said with a grin. “He says he won’t tell you just yet.”

Oh Agni, not his charades again. The entire history between them seemed like a gigantic puzzle she had never been able to fix. All the pieces always appeared missing. If only she could read into his mind once and for all. What kind of twisted joke was this?

“What? Why?” She was still looking at him, despite his prompted silence. “Why can’t he speak for himself? Has the cat got his tongue?”

“Kat, you know us. We’re just having a little fun”

“In the middle of the Reunion Ceremony?”

“Um, yeah?” Ty Lee laughed. “Are you going to let me tell you how to get to your friends?”

“ Fine. Go ahead, just hurry up.” She let out a sigh. “What is it?”

Katara observed as Zuko nodded at Ty Lee, a playful smirk tattooed on his face as he whispered some new information to her.

“Great! Okay, Kat, you listen carefully alright?” Ty Lee was looking at her straight in the eye now. “Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt. And pieces of memories fall to the ground.”

What on earth? What was she on? Katara was getting impatient. Still, something about those words resonated inside her mind.

“So now what?” she eventually asked.

Zuko and Ty Lee exchanged a suspicious stare.

“Mister Sparky here told me you would know what to do,” the girl replied. “I’ll repeat it one more time: Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt. And pieces of memories fall to the ground.”

Wait a minute. It finally hit her. Those were song lyrics. And not any random ones, they were the lyrics from their song. She felt her heart racing on her chest. He remembered. Two years later and he still recalled their song. Did that mean…? Maybe she hadn’t been the only one still thinking about their time together. Perhaps he still felt something for her too. Well, that was if he had ever felt something for her. They had to stop going in circles.

“I know what I did, and so I won’t let this go. ‘Cause it’s true, I am nothing without you.” Her voice was trembling. “All the streets, where I walked alone with nowhere to go, have come to an end.”

Agni, if she had gotten it wrong this was ought to be the most awkward moment of her entire life. All those years and he still had the ability to steal her breath away with any remotely romantic gesture.

Zuko had grin on her face. His eyes were glowing with something Katara wasn’t quite able to put into words.

Ty Lee started to clap, earning herself a few deadly glances before toning it down. “You know what? I think I’m just going to turn around. I’ll let Zuko do the talking now.”

Katara watched as the girl went back to facing the stand, Azula and Mai quickly motioning to her to tell them what happened.

She was left sitting there, trying to understand why Zuko would get her to play that little game. After so many years of going back and forth with their feelings for each other, he had chosen the strangest moment to make a move. And what a weird move had it been. Considering everything they had gone through together, she still felt in the dark about his true feelings for her. There had been too much hesitation, too much turmoil between them. But a part of her knew that their connection was real. Real and still strong.

“I knew you wouldn’t forget ‘With Me’. ” Zuko’s voice snapped her out of the overthinking mess she had gotten herself into.

He was looking straight into her eyes, a tender smile spread across his face. Everything about his expression was utterly sweet.

“I - Um, I… You remember our song?” Her heart was about to explode.

“Katara,” he said, extending his arm to softly tug one rebellious hair of hers behind her ear. “I remember everything about us . ”

“But - but we haven’t talked in months! The last time you saw me I was still fooling around with Jet and -“

“And we can both explain ourselves once the ceremony is over,” he interrupted her. “Your friends are on the second row to the left, Suki was looking for you earlier. You should hurry. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

The headmaster had already started talking.

“Dear Ba Sing Se High alumnae, it’s a pleasure to welcome all of you back for the annual Reunion Ceremony. Please go to your seats and mute your phones before we start.”

Katara was running out of time.

“ Fine, Zuko,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

With a soft smile, she stood up, trying to be as sneaky as humanly possible. Her eyes stayed locked into his for an extra second. A million things seemed to be said with that simple stare. They both seemed to know what saying the lyrics from ‘With Me’ meant. Their connection was still there. In fact, it had never faded away.

Once she was finally sitting down next to her friends and had briefly greeted them, she took a moment to breathe. What the hell had just happened? Had Zuko somehow admitted he still had feelings for her? Perhaps she was reading a little too much into it. Still, he had told her he remembered everything that had ever happened between them. And the song lyrics… ‘With Me’ was their song. She still had it on her playlist, although she usually avoided it. It brought back too many memories. But maybe it was time for those emotions to come back to light. After all, she had never stopped missing him.

“Girl,” Suki, her best friend, whispered. “What happened to you? You’re so late.”

“Zuko’s here. I just talked to him.” Katara tried to keep it low, the headmaster had already started his speech.

“What? Spill it. Did he approach you?”

“Um, not exactly. He told me where you guys were sitting,” she replied before making a small pause. “Actually, he mentioned the lyrics from ‘With Me’.”

“No way!” Suki’s eyes widened. “I told you he’s still in love with you. We all told you so.”

“Hey, Kat,” her brother interrupted them. “Why didn’t you respond to any of my texts?”

“Sokka, you know the reception is garbage here,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

“Sist, you’re stuck in the past, there’s a new Wifi net. Give Aang your phone, he’ll connect you in a sec.”

Her brother was right, she passed the phone to her friend and in less than a minute her internet was up and running. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to put the device on silent mode. A stream of notifications invaded her screen, making a pretty loud and continuous ‘ting!’

“Shut that down, Sugar Queen!” Toph shushed her from a couple of seats away.

“Alright, alright,” she complied. “I’m on it.”

As Katara hurried to mute the volume, a particular notification popped on the screen, catching her attention. When she read it, her heart seemed to skip more than one beat.

Zuko Sozin > I know it was stupid but I had to see if you remembered our song. Now that I know (think?) you feel the same way, I’m not about to waste any more chances.

As she showed the text to Suki, both of them containing the urge to scream in astonishment, another buzz indicated she had a new message.

Zuko Sozin > You’re staying for the reception, right? I’ll be waiting for you at the entrance of the auditorium. Kat, there’s so much I’ve been dying to say to you. Alright, see you after this snore-fest is over.

Katara quickly put away the phone, her pulse racing as she tried to make some sense out of that whole ordeal. She could answer him once headmaster Roku was done talking. She had no clue of what to reply yet, anyways.

Two years later, and Zuko had crazily admitted he still had feelings for her. Even more, he wanted to sort things out between them. Maybe their story hadn’t come to an end yet. After years of missing each other, it seemed like their time had finally come.

Who knew being late to the High School Reunion Ceremony would be the best thing that could happen to her?

----  The song mentioned is "With Me" by Sum 41, one that will forever hold a special place in my heart. It really is a great song, my recommendation is for you to go listen it! ;) I do not own any of the rights to this song nor intend to profit out of my use of it on this work. Thank you so much for reading!

[areiton]

End of Year Recs - 2019

It’s the end of year fic round up time--and this year I’m doing things a little different. I’m gonna do my favorite two fic for each ship or gen pairing I really enjoyed this year, and then (up to) five honorable mentions. 

So here--without particular order, my faves from the year!! Also this is long as hell so hit read more for...more... 

Irondad

we’re gonna have to do this together by edibna (Irondad | MCU)

Being a superhero sometimes means you forget about the small dangers in the world, like disease. For Peter, this means he loses May to natural causes, not something he could ever save her from.

Unknown to him, May left custody of Peter in the hands of Tony Stark, who, even though he wants kids, has no idea how to actually raise one. With a grieving superhero teenager on his hands, Tony is going to have to figure it out quick, if he wants Peter to ever be able to move on and be happy.

Webcams and Webshooters by losingmymindtonight (Irondad | MCU)

Once Peter's relationship with Tony gets out, the public can't get enough of their new favorite father-son duo.

So, naturally, they monopolize.

(Or: Tony and Peter's relationship, as seen through videos.)

Honorable Mentions:

Put out every star

Holdfasts

i'm the satellite (And you're the sky)

stars, hide your fires

miscommunications

 ~*~*~ 

Winteriron

fractures (filled) with liquid gold by itsallAvengers (Winteriron | MCU)

Ultron happened. The Avengers left.

Tony is fine with being alone again. He always worked better as a Lone Wolf than a team player anyway. He's not sleeping or eating or resting or... living, but it's fine. It's good. It's okay.

And then there's James.

illuminate me by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory (Winteriron | MCU)

Tony isn't a healthy man. He's fine with that, really. It makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, he has a job to do that kind of has his health as a major requirement. So he unmakes himself, remakes the Accords, protects every single child super that enters his field of view, and hopes ferociously that the Avengers never come back to the US. He doesn't spend any time at all rebuilding Bucky Barnes' life. Not a single second. Anything he does that contributes to him is simply an accident.

Bucky is a patient man. It's ok if Tony wants to ignore him for now. He won't be able to forever.

(Somewhere in the world, a sense of dread crawls up the back of Tony's spine)

Honorable Mentions:

a street corner in Cambridge

does it hurt

the road less traveled at the end of the line

scars

looking at you

 ~*~*~

Sambucky

winter, sweetheart by wilsonsnest (Sambucky | MCU)

To know the Falcon’s identity feels surreal to Bucky. It means nothing. As far as Hydra was concerned, Sam Wilson was erased. He has only ever been The Falcon and to Bucky he’s always been Sweetheart.

we could jump state lines (we only get the one life) by notcaycepollard (Sambucky | MCU)

It starts in Paris.

“You can’t steal things just because you like them,” Sam tells Bucky, feeling innately that this is a losing battle, and Bucky cocks his head to the side, considers Sam very thoughtfully.

“Really,” he says. “I’m stealing you, aren’t I?”

Honorable Mentions:

seek out hidden places

not an end, but (the start of all things)

cancel all your reservations (no more hesitations)

they gave you a heart, they gave you a name

you touch me within and so I (i know I could be human once again)

 ~*~*~

Starker

Stipulations by anonymous (Starker | MCU )

Peter Parker’s longterm dream recently went from ‘get into MIT’ to ‘afford going to MIT’. As the time approaches, it’s dawning on him that he won’t be able to pay his tuition and afford the move to Cambridge all at once: he’s out of money, his secrets are beginning to pile up, and desperation has started creeping in...

And then one night, he saves Tony Stark’s life.

mr. hurricane by spqr (Starker | MCU)

Peter makes it to the ripe old age of 26 without anyone finding out he’s Spider-Man. And then he falls asleep during a B&E at Stark Tower, and the rest is—well, the rest is this.

Honorable Mentions:

Both Ways

breaking point

velvet elvis

the leash

left hand free

~*~*~

Thorki

along a deserted highway by trieduntrue (Thorki | MCU)

The events of Thor (2011) take a different turn when both Thor and Loki are sent to Midgard without their powers as punishment for their misdeeds. With nothing except each other, they go on a journey to reclaim Mjolnir together.

soft shocks by stereobone (Thorki | MCU)

"And why," says Thor, "would I need to come with you to Jötunheim?"

"Ah, well," Loki says. "They may be under the impression that we're married."

Honorable Mentions:

How Long We Were Fooled

we spent our darkest days howling at the moon

~*~*~

Ironhusbands

touch the sky by scrollgirl (Ironhusbands | MCU)

Jamie Rhodes wouldn't be who she is today without her friendship with Tony Stark. The flip side of that is Tony Stark wouldn't be Iron Man without the twenty-five years he's been in love with her.

twenty five years by Not Applicable (Ironhusbands | MCU)

Nobody knows how long this has actually been going on. (Tony Stark has pretty much been in a monogamous relationship since he was 18 years old.)

Honorable Mentions:

a date on the moon

home for the non-holidays

reconstruction

pretend we're in love (the heartache still hurts)

i place your hands around my neck

 ~*~*~

Winterhawk

silhouette by mariana_oconnor (Winterhawk | MCU)

After a mission in Mexico goes wrong, SHIELD Agents Barnes and Rogers are given the job of hunting down the notorious Hawkeye and the Black Widow, the only problem being: no one even knows what they look like.

On the other side of the law, Clint's enjoying messing with their new SHIELD shadows, especially seeing how close he can get to Agent Barnes without him realising, but he makes the mistake of getting attached, and that makes everything more complicated.

nameless by AvaKelly (Winterhawk | MCU)

A gun is pointed at him before he can even move from his position, the Soldier's metal arm steady in its aim. Clint sighs.

"Nemo," Clint says. "It's tattooed on your wrist, right here," he lifts his right hand and taps his left index finger where his palm ends.

The Soldier's eyes widen. "How do you know this?"

"I put it there."

Honorable Mentions:

What do you mean we left Clint on Mars

clint barton's super secret snipers' club

lucky in love

i'll keep you safe here with me

complications

~*~*~

RPF

the end of the missing by eadunne2 (Evanstan | MCU RPF)

Sebastian remembers this from before, Chris’s physicality, remembers shoving and tripping one another, and hugs that lingered. It had been silly, friendly, until some vague, unspoken moment towards the end of filming when their relationship had changed again - Chris circling Sebastian’s wrist with his hand, or a palm to his lower back, only on rough days, only when Chris noticed him tensing up against unpleasantness in his own mind. At first Seb wanted to apologize, brokenness is a tiresome trait, but the actions seem to calm Chris too, ease his busy brain. When they lost touch Seb pretended not to miss it; he wouldn’t have had a chance to anyway, right? - with two dozen excellent fuck buddies all over the globe. Weird how they all had blue eyes though.

I would lose my decadence (for your love) by deadhearts (Stackie | MCU RPF)

The thing of it was that Mackie had just been trying to make a point. He'd just been trying to shut him up, or to make something clear, and he'd done what he'd set out to do. Sebastian had been well and properly put in his place. He'd been put in his place so well that Mackie had never touched him again, not in that way, because he'd never had the need: whatever question he'd been asking had been so thoroughly and roundly answered that there wasn't any need to ask it twice.

Honorable Mentions:

Like O, Like H

when you kiss me i just gotta say (baby i love you)

cross the line

fine until you're not

 ~*~*~

Stucky

ain’t no grave (can keep my body down) by spitandvinegar (Stucky | MCU)

It's six in the morning, and Steve is heading out on a run when he nearly trips over a bouquet of sunflowers on the front steps of his brownstone.

For a second paranoia takes over, and he kicks the flowers a little, waiting for them to explode. They don't. They also came with a card, which he picks up. The front of the card has a tasteful picture of the Brooklyn bridge at sunset. It's very nice and sedate, like the kind of card you would buy to give to your boss. On the inside someone has written a short message in big, shaky block letters.

I AM SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU.

Steve sits down hard on the steps.

there should be stars by childhoodinfamy (Stucky | MCU)

“All memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.

But sometimes there were good times.

Love was good. I loved your crooked sleep

beside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great wars

like ours. There ought to be awards

and plenty of champagne for the survivors.”

- Sandra Cisneros

 Or, it takes them decades.

Honorable Mentions:

This, you protect

little animal lives

the long game

a long winter

the art of cooking for two

 ~*~*~

Stony

never too late for love by Sineala (Stony | MCU)

Steve has always believed that a soulbond is a blessing -- a rare and beautiful miracle, joining the thoughts and feelings of two people forever, from the first time they touch. Steve knows he's not going to be one of the lucky ones. He knows Gail isn't his soulmate. But he loves her, even if they're not soulmates, and he's going to do right by her. After the war's over, he's going to marry her, and they're going to settle down. They'll buy a house. They'll have children. He'll see his family again. Maybe Bucky will live next door. It's going to be a good life. He doesn't need a soulbond. He'll be fine without one.

Then Steve wakes up sixty years in the future to find that his wonderful life has moved on without him. His family is long dead. His fiancée married his best friend. And the only purpose he has left is leading the Ultimates, a misbegotten team of superheroes with flaws too numerous to count. Steve hates everything about the future -- but most of all he detests Tony, flashy and flirtatious, who embodies everything Steve hates about a world he never wanted to live in.

And, oh, yeah, Steve has a soulmate after all: Tony fucking Stark.

wait and sea by lenalena (Stony | MCU)

In which Tony and Steve get sent on an undercover mission aboard a cruise ship to make contact with Hydra. In this AU the military has kept the discovery and defrosting of Captain America a secret, so Steve and Tony have never met before. Yet they are to pose as newlyweds....

Honorable Mentions:

celestial navigation

the song without words

dear mr fantasy

slipping off the page into your hands

the twice-told tale

~*~*~

Stuckony

hide a heart of war by  Hummingbird_52 (Stuckony | MCU)

“You’ve got war in your heart boy,” Howard sneers, “don’t ever try and pretend to be anything but what you are.”

Tony feels the familiar burn of a flower mark being etched into his skin but he doesn’t look, doesn’t try and check to see what it is. Instead he keeps his eyes on Howard and his hands cupped around his bleeding mouth and nose.

the stories we write by NotEvenCloseToStraight (Stuckony | MCU)

A question at an interview leads to Steve and Bucky discovering fan fiction, and after piles of coffeeshop au's and fake dating tropes (and screaming over ABO fics) they find an author that writes some of the best fics they've ever read-- reader inserts starring a dark haired, dark eyed male reader as their shared love interest.

The platonic fics are heartfelt and sweet, the smutty fics have them tearing their clothes off to act out scenes, the soulmate fics have them crying over the true love that so often ends with the Reader passing away and Stucky being left behind.

Then one day, a fic posts with a scene taken right out of their lives, one that happened right there in the Tower, entirely the same right up until they take the Reader to bed.

Bucky is the one to realize the writer is Tony.

Steve is the one to suggest writing fics of their own to show Tony they return his feelings.

Writing fics to show an author you're in love? What could possibly go wrong?

Honorable Mentions:

eagles

branded

imagine you and you (and you) and me

[megahologram]

Protective | Rick Grimes

Warning(s): cursing, mentions of blood, violence, kissing (if that counts as a warning)

°•○●○•°

"Carl, we shouldn't be doing this" you exclaimed as he started climbing up the walls of Alexandria. It had been a little over two months since your group arrived here. You met Rick's group back at the prison. Daryl had found you during one of his runs and brought you back. Once you got there, Rick had asked you three questions and by the looks of you, you seemed to have passed his test as he let you in. Carl and you have been friends every since. You both had the same taste in almost everything and got along well. Both you and Beth had also become good friends, taking care of Judith together. After the fall of the prison, you were on your own for a while until you found Tyreese, Carol and Judith. Being in Alexandria after being out there for so long felt weird. Rick's instructions were very clear, no one leaves the walls. But lately it felt as if that rule only applied to you. He wouldn't let you go on supply runs with the others, giving you other tasks like working in the garden or babysitting Judith. Hell, he even let Carl go out one in a while. Why did he have to act so protective with you only. 

"y/n get over yourself, do you really want to be stuck behind these walls forever like these people." Carl did have a point. You hated being behind the walls, it made you feel useless, weak. Like you were forgetting everything that was on the other side. It had been almost 2 months since you killed a walker, you never feared to kill one before but right now, you couldn't help feel overwhelmed. One part of you was saying to go with Carl and the other part was saying to follow Rick's orders.

"if you're just going to stand there on your ass all day, then I'm leaving without you" Carl said as he jumped down the walls onto the other side. "okay, I'm coming with you, hold on" you quickly replied making sure to check your surroundings before climbing up.

Carl had done this plenty of times with Enid and sometimes on his own. You never once had the guts to go with him but today since you had nothing else to do and since Enid was busy with other plans, Carl insisted on you coming with him.

As your fell on your feet with a loud thud you look over to find Carl, seeing as he had already started walking without you. You were quick on your feet as you slung your backpack over your shoulders and caught up to him on time. "So, where are we going" you asked, suddenly feel the heat of the sun hit you.

"to kill some walkers, I know a place that's got a few not far from here. You need to practice" he replied as you nodded your head. It was about a ten-minute walk as you got closer, you noticed an old jeep, with what looked like a camp site. There was an old tent with a few clothes and other stuff scattered around.

Carl pulled you behind a tree as you both look in front of you, there was about 5 walkers there, and maybe a few inside the tent as you saw it was moving. Carl looked over at you, holding his knife in his hand as you got out yours. "I'll go first, you follow behind, alright" he whispered as you gave a quick nod as he started moving forward, with you just behind his trail.

As you took a few steps, clearly visible, the walkers turned their head, quickly making their way over to both of you. Carl got closer as he took the knife and stabbed the walker on the head. He continued with a few as he pushed two onto the ground, giving you the opportunity. You took a deep breath as you got rid of all your nerves, squeezing the dagger around your hand, you quickly flung it across the head, right between the walker's eyes. As you finished, you looked over at Carl saying, "I'll take the ones in the tent" He hesitated for a moment but soon agreed, standing behind you protectively as you made your way to the tent.

You didn't know how many were in there, by the sound of it, there had to be more than two. You slowly reached out, pulling the zipper and opening the tent. As soon as you opened it, you quickly fell backwards, as a walker had launched itself at you. You look over to see there were 4 more inside the tent. A few making their way over to Carl, as a few made their way over to you. You had dropped your knife in the process, as you held your hand around the walker's neck, pushing it away from you as best as you could. Carl was too distracted killing the ones in front of him as you frantically reached over your holster around your waist, trying to find your second knife. You didn't have a gun on you since you would've had to check it out. As you had grabbed a hold of your knife, about to stab the walker on the head, a gun shot was heard and the walker fell right on you.

You quickly pushed the creature off of you and look at Carl, he still had his knife in his hand, the walkers were all dead. As you turn your head, you see Rick in the distance, with a gun in his hand and Daryl behind him, his crossbow in his hand. Rick looked angry, really angry and you couldn't help but feel nervous. You didn't know what he was going to say or do. "come on" he said calmly yet firmly, his teeth gritting as you can tell he was trying his best not to explode.

Carl reached his hand out to help you, in which you grab as he helps lift you off the ground. He quickly checks you for any scratches or bite marks. When he sees that you were clear you both turn around following behind the two men. "we're dead" you replied, as Carl chuckled quietly, "more like your dead. If my dad doesn't kill you himself, I will. The first time I decide to bring you with me and we get caught." You laughed as you playfully punched the side of his shoulder. You couldn't help but agree with him.

This was the first time ever that you had decided to sneak out and you both get caught. You curse at your luck as you reach the gates of Alexandria. "Daryl and I are going hunting but don't think that you're off the hook. Carl, I already knew about you sneaking over the walls for a while, but I did not appreciate you convincing y/n to tag along with you. Your both in big trouble." Rick said as he told Sasha to open the gates.

You and Carl both made your way to his house, even though you lived with Daryl and Carol, you were in Carl's house most of the time. "I can't believe he knew" Carl exclaimed as you both stepped inside the house. "I mean I don't understand why he didn't say anything earlier"

"maybe he just didn't care I guess" you said, going to the kitchen for a glass of water.

"I mean I guess that's why, he probably thinks I can take care of myself, so he didn't have to worry" You chocked on your water at his statement. "excuse me, what are you trying to say. That I can't take care of myself" you replied rather loudly as you took offence. "I didn't say that, I'm saying maybe my dad doesn't trust you to be outside"

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. Carl had never made you feel as if you were weak or couldn't take care of yourself. In fact, he was the one who always insisted on you going with him. But the more you thought about it, the more you realized that Rick never trusted you. He always made sure you never left outside the walls, even before Alexandria, you realized how he almost never let you go out on supply runs. And in the rare chances you did, you were accompanied by a bunch of people. The thought suddenly made you angry. Why did he not trust you, you were a lot older than Carl. You were twenty, you were an adult. Hell, if you were in Canada, you'd be able to drink by now. You couldn't understand why he let his own son go out but not you.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard your name, "y/n, did you hear me"

You shook your head quickly as you replied, "no sorry what did you say",

"I said, do you wanna read comics or something, before my dad comes with his huge lecture"

"um no, I'm gonna go home and get cleaned up" you reply, as you quickly make your was through the door.

"okay but you better come back, I ain't about to hear his lecture alone" Carl shouted to which you shout back with, "yeah yeah whatever" giving him the finger as a little smirk fell on your lips, "y/n I'm serious"

You laugh a little as you made your way through the door. "anyone home" you shout as you took your shoes off, making your way upstairs. You knew Daryl wasn't home but you weren't sure about Carol. When you didn't get a reply back, you assumed she was probably back at Carl's taking care of Judith. As you make your way to your room, you quickly strip off your dirty clothes that smelt like walker blood and grabbed your towel. You head to the bathroom, closing the door behind you and locking it, you get in the shower. The warm water felt amazing and it still was insane to think you had necessities like these.

An hour later (jk lol) 20 minutes later, you got out of the shower, unlocking the door and making your way to your bedroom. You walk in, closing the door behind you and locking it. Turning back around you slightly jump as you see a figure sitting down on your bed. You relax once you realize it was Rick but yet again panic as you see your appearance. A towel wrapped around your naked body. Your wet hair dripping down on the floor. You stood there in shock as you didn't know what to say. "um can I help you"

Rick looked up, his body twitching slightly as he took in your appearance. His eyes falling down your body and right back up into your eyes. "u-uh I-I needed to talk to you, I can wait downstairs" you nodded as you opened the door for him.

You couldn't help but blush as you closed the door behind you, taking in what just happened. You have had a crush Rick ever since you met him. Everything about him, from his leadership skills to his appearance was perfect to you. You always hid these feelings for the fact that Carl was your best friend, and he probably wouldn't appreciate his best friend having feelings for his dad. In other sense, he was also much, much older than you. You knew it would've been weird if other people found out and in other case, he didn't feel the same way about you. He probably only viewed you as a little girl and Carl's friend.

Shaking all your thoughts out of your head, you opened your wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. You most likely wouldn't leave the house unless you decide to go to Carl's, so you throw a pair of your jean shorts and a worn out NASA t-shirt that Michonne got you the other day on her run. Combing through your wet hair quickly, you ran downstairs into the living room. You see Rick sitting on the couch waiting for you. As he turned looking at you, he patted the seat beside his. You hesitantly walked over and sat beside him.

The room fell into uncomfortable silence, as either of you didn't know how to start the conversation. After a few minutes, he starts "I'm really disappointed in you, y/n". You furrow your eyes together, looking at him in complete confusion. You knew what he was talking about, you just didn't think it was fair.

"I'm sorry, can you please explain to me what I did wrong" you reply rather sarcastically, angry evident in your voice.

"you went over the walls, even after my clear instructions that I told you not to" he said back, shifting his body facing your as he raised an eyebrow at you.

"last time I checked, you're not my dad nor are related to me in any way. I don't have to do what say. And guess what, I'm not going to either. I'm sick and tired of you treating me like a little kid, like I don't know what I'm doing, like I've never seen a walker in my entire life. I've been out there as long as you have, I've been on my own too. I can take care of myself, so I don't need 'instructions' for you. You may be the leader of the group but you ain't the boss of me." Your chest rose up and down as you caught your breath. You shocked yourself at your sudden explosion, never have you ever spoken so loudly to anyone and for the first time in your life, it had to be Rick.

You stood up, turning around, ready to leave and end this conversation when you felt a hand on your wrist, turning you around and pulling you roughly against a hard chest. You look up to see Rick, his firm grip on you got a little tighter as he clenched his jaw. From the look on his face, it was obvious he was angry, you tried puling away from his grip, but it only held your wrist tighter.

"You can take care of yourself? You would've died if I didn't get there on time. You couldn't even kill one damn walker, and your talking about taking care of yourself. y/n why do you have to be so god damn stubborn, can't you see I'm just trying to protect you. I don't want you getting hurt...or worse" His voice got lower by each sentence he spoke. And the last part, was barely a whisper.

You looked into his eyes in confusion, "you don't have to worry about me, just worry about Carl and Judith"

"But that's the problem, can't you see. I worry about you all the time, it's so damn frustrating. I can't get you out of my head, no matter how hard I try. Your all I think about all day and night. Your on my mind constantly. I-I just I don't know what's wrong with me" He stuttered a little, his words full of emotion. It felt as if he was keeping all this in for a long time.

His grip on your wrist released as your hands fell to your sides, "it's because you care about me right" you whisper, unsure of what to say. You can feel his hands go to your back, lowering them to your waist, pulling you closer to him, as you place your hands on his chest at the sudden movement. You lift your head up to see him already look down at you, your faces inches apart. "I don't think that's the only reason" he whispers back, his gaze falling to your lips every now and then.

You fell your heart beating faster as you see him leaning in, and sooner you realize yourself leaning in as well. You fluttered your eyes closed, just as your lips barely touch each other's, you seconds away from your first kiss with Rick, you hear the front door slam shut.

The noise causing both you and Rick to quickly pull apart as you felt yourself fluster. You turn to see Daryl, walking past the living room only to stop when he noticed you and Rick awkwardly standing there in the middle of the living room. Both of you turning red, blushing like crazy as you just nervously played with your hands.

Daryl raised his eyebrow, confusion written on his face. "did I miss something"

"NO" both you and Rick shout, rather loudly you would say.

"alright, whatever, I'm going to bed" Daryl says, ignoring your odd behaviour as he made his way upstairs "Carol crashed at Rick's so she probably won't be here until morning" you hear Daryl shout along with a door closing.

What the hell just happened You thought as you nervously looked over at Rick, who was already staring at you. A minute of just staring at each other, without any words exchanged, you lift your gaze somewhere else, realizing you should probably excuse yourself out of this awkward situation. "um I-I'm going head to bed" you say as you make your way upstairs.

You hear the front door close, turning your head to see Rick had left. You released a breath you didn't realize you were holding. What the fuck just happened you thought.

You tried getting some sleep that night but couldn't. The situation replaying inside your head like a loop. What would've happened if Daryl hadn't walked in You thought

You signed as you got out of bed, heading downstairs and to your front porch. Back before all this happened, you used to sit outside at night on days you couldn't sleep. Just breathing in the fresh air, gave you a sense of peace. You sat on the steps, looking around at the empty road. It had to be around 2 in the morning, all the lights in the houses were closed. Your eyes fell upon one particular house, Carl's. The lights to the living room were on, your gaze falling upstairs, you notice the rest of the house's lights were turned off. It could be Carl, Rick or Michonne still up.

Hoping it was Carl, you started making your way over to his house. You didn't bother to knock, not wanting to wake any of the others up. Slowly opening the door, you quietly stepped inside, closing the door behind you before making your way towards the living room. You walk in, looking around to find it was empty. Just as you were about to turn around to leave, a figure launched itself at you, the person holding a knife in their hands, ready to use it. You let out a blood curdling shriek, only for it to be stopped by a hand placed over your mouth, stopping any sound from coming through. You look up to see it was Rick, he lowered the knife once he saw it was you.

"what the hell are you doing here" he whisper yelled at you, lowering his hand that was on your mouth.

"I-I uhh I d-don't kn-" you stuttered.

"how do you not know why your here" he whispered again, confusion on his face.

You had no answer to his question. You don't know yourself what brought you here. "I couldn't sleep and saw the lights open so I hoped if it was Carl so then I could just hang out for a while-" Your words lost track, if was partially the truth. You just left out the major part where you had hoped it was Rick.

"well Carl's sleeping in his room. So I think you should just l-"

"can I just say here" you asked quickly, cutting him off.

"uhh yeah I guess" he said, scratching the back of his neck.

You sat on the couch, him sitting beside you. Oh how this felt so ironic You thought as the same thing happened a few hours ago.

"why weren't you asleep" you asked, not wanting the awkward silence to return like last time.

"just had something on my mind" he replied, his head falling back on the couch.

Mimicking him, you turn your head over to your side facing him as he returned the gesture. "how was hunting" you asked casually.

"okay, found a few squirrels, but that was about it"

A few minutes of silence went by, but it was comfortable this time. "I'm sorry.....about going over the walls. I just wanted to prove to you that I can protect myself" you whispered, lowering your gaze, ashamed of your confession.

You see he moved closer, his hand moving to the side of your jaw, lifting your head to face him. Your eyes fell on his, to see he was already looking at you. "baby, I know  you can protect yourself. Your one of the strongest people I know. I just lost too many people that I get over protective sometimes. I can't lose you too. I love you"

You felt yourself getting wet as he called you baby and your heart skipped a beat when he said he loved you. You didn't know  what to say, other than lean in for a kiss.

He was shocked at first, but soon melted into the kiss, placing both his hands on your cheek, making the kiss more passionate. You hadn't kissed a lot of people in your life but the way Rick kissed you was full of love, not lust. It felt like he wanted to show you just how much he cares, how much he loves you.

Your hands fell on his waist, pulling him closer as you fell back on the couch, laying down. You continued on the kiss as you moved your hands to the back of his neck as his lowered to your waist.

You wanted to kiss him forever, but your lungs forbid you to do so, causing you both to pull away. Rick leaned his forehead on yours. You both smiled at each other as you breathe in the air. "I love you too" you reply, causing him to pull you in for another kiss.

Though it was cut short when you heard a voice, "what the fucks going on here"

Both you and Rick turned your heads to see Carl standing by the corner of the hallway.

[staticscreenwriting]

All you have to be is here - Part 5

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age whohas a phenomenal smile and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 5 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Had to reupload because I forgot to tag and once I added the tags it wouldn’t show up under “most recent”. Please help a girl out by reblogging. Thank you ♥

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.  I’ll make a header image at some point.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

The Arcade smells like sweat, cream soda and cool ranch doritos. Some radio friendly pop song is playing from the overhead stereo and the flashing lights of the games are driving Billy slightly mad.

He lets his eyes scan the room for the familiar mop of fiery red hair while his fingernails are digging into his palms creating crescent shapes on his skin. It’s a nervous habit he’s picked up a while ago.

She’s not here. She’s not here. The voices in his head call out to him as his heart speeds up beat by beat. She’s not here and you’ll have to suffer the consequences.

She’s not here and you’ll have to suffer.

There’s a guy leaning against the front desk, flicking through a magazine while stuffing his face with handful after handful of chips.

“ Hey uh— “ Billy approaches and glances at guy’s the name tag “— Keith, you seen a little girl around ? Bout this tall, red hair ? “

He’s met with a scowl and a raised eyebrow.

“ Why ? “

His blood starts to boil. The last thing he needs right now is this nerd giving him an attitude.

“ ‘cause she’s my sister and I was supposed to pick her up and take her home but I can’t see her anywhere. “

“ Max ? “

Billy wonders for a second if he should be concerned that this weird dude knows his sister by name then again Max spends a shit ton of time here so really It’s not too surprising.

“ Yeah, that’s her. So ? “

“ Mmh. She left like an hour ago. “ Keith says then looks back down at his magazine effectively ending the conversation.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Billy hurries back outside, dusk coloring the sky is hues of orange and pink.

She’s probably at the Sinclairs’ place or the Wheelers’ or wherever the fuck her and her friends hang out these days. To check all the places in hope to find her would take pretty much the whole evening and in the end, what difference will it make ? Neil’s gonna chew him out one way or another.

So he drives home sans Max, gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white. Those are the moments that make him feel like he’s 8 years old again, getting yelled at during baseball practice for not sliding the way his dad has told him to. It makes him feel just the way he did at 9 sitting at the kitchen table watching his dad scream at his mom, calling her names.

It makes him feel like a small vulnerable child.

Lost.

Broken.

Scared.

                            Billy drags himself through the door, drops his keys in the little decorative bowl and throws his jacket over the recliner before trudging towards the kitchen. Every steps feels harder than the next, as if his feet get heavier and heavier the closer the gets to his dad. Like a cow on the way to the slaughterhouse.

Neil sits comfortably by the dining table, newspaper in hand while Susan is buzzing around the room preparing the food and cleaning up all at once. Billy doesn’t think he’s ever seen his dad help around the house, ever. Not back when mom was here and not with Susan.

At the sound of his steps, both Neil and Susan turn towards the door and focus on Billy. Neil’s eyes hold the familiar cold stare. There’s absolutely no warmth in them, no hint of tenderness, love, anything positive really. Billy wonders if there ever has been. If there has been a time when Neil felt some kind of affection towards anyone. He truly can’t remember a time when his dad was treating him particularly nicely but mom or Susan surely had to have had a reason to marry this man. There must have been something redeeming about him.

“ Where’s Max. “ Neil barks at his son.

Well hello to you too.

“ She wasn’t there. I went to pick her up. She wasn’t there. “

Billy is painfully aware that his words mean nothing to Neil, that whatever he says to defend himself is just a drop of water on a hot stone. It’s for nought. It makes no difference.

“ So you just left ? “ Neil replies, neatly folding the newspaper and getting off his chair. He moves agonizingly slow, calculates every move as a predator would before going in for the kill.

“ What was I supposed to — “

“ Did I or did I not, tell you to bring Max home ? “ Neil interrupts.

“ She wasn’t there, dad. I’m not her babysitter. I don’t know where all her friends live. If she runs off how is that my fault ? “

He’s gonna have to face the consequences one way or another, might as well get his frustrations out. Billy knows that talking back isn’t the smartest idea but he’s also incredibly thick headed. His mom never raised a quitter but maybe she did raise a fool and that’s one hell of a combination.

“ I’m sorry ? “ his dad asks, thick mean eyebrows raised in mock confusion. He’s heard him alright.

“ You heard me alright. I was there when I was supposed to be there. It’s not my fault she— “

His head hits the wall before he can even finish the sentence. Neil grips his jaw so tightly Billy is sure he’s gonna leave bruises. Again.

“ You are her older brother. You’re supposed to take care of her. Be responsible. I thought I raised you right but it seems you’re just as much of an irresponsible brat as your mother. You’re a disgrace, Billy. You disgust me. No wonder she left“.

Billy is certain that Neil knows bringing up his mother hits him where it hurts the most. Ever since she left, Neil hasn’t missed a single occasion to make Billy feel responsible for it.. In the logical, rational part of his brain, Billy knows this is bullshit. That it was the yelling, the fights, the bruises that made her leave. But there’s a part of him, the part that remembers baseball games ending in tears and smashed plates on the dining room floor.

And that part believes every single painful word coming from Neil’s lips.

That part feels overcome with guilt every single day of his life.

“ Now you listen to me, son. You go out there now and look for her and you better pray to god that you find her. “

He accentuates his words with another slap to the face effectively banging Billy’s head against the wall again before shoving him towards the door.

There’s blood running down his nose as he grabs his jacket and keys and rushes outside. Just as the door slams shut and he looks up, a pair of eyes stare back at him.

Max looks guilty, like a dog being caught doing something it knows it shouldn’t be doing. “ Billy I — “

He doesn’t stay to listen, just shoves past her and gets inside his car driving off.

It’s not Max’s fault. He know this. At least not really. It’s entirely and solely Neil’s fault. For being a fucking asshole. An abusive fucking asshole. He’s the one throwing the punches. He’s the monster here.

Though Max constantly running off, constantly rebelling doesn’t help Billy’s cause in the slightest. He knows she doesn’t do it on purpose. But the thing is, she does it anyway and he’s the one having to deal with the consequences.

Now he rather takes the punches himself than have Neil put a hand on Max but still, he wishes she could just stick to the rules a little more. Spare him some bruises.

His head is pounding, throbbing. It’s hard to focus on the street right now. Trees pass by in a blur. He knows it’s dangerous to continue driving but he needs to get away. Just a little further. Just a little.

Blood is still trickling down his nose, dripping off his chin. A glance in the rearview mirror confirms his suspicion that he looks like a fucking mess right now. He wonders if mommy dearest ever imagined this was the outcome. That this is what she left him with. Bruises and bloody noses and a head that feels like exploding any second. He wonders if she cares that she did.

The lights before him shift and shimmer, dancing before his eyes like fireflies on a warm summer’s night.

He realizes he needs to stop before his vision goes completely blurry and he ends up crashing the Camaro into a tree. Not his baby.

A sign catches his eye and he pulls the car off the road and drives up the little gravel driveway towards the building that displays in bold red letters on a big white board that this is Benny’s diner and it serves “the best burgers in all of Hawkins” — their words not Billy’s.

As he gets out of his car he can feel just how lightheaded he really is, having to hold onto the Camaro for a moment to collect himself. It’s usually bad but today is a new high or low, however you wanna see it. Billy wonders if Neil finds some sick satisfaction is seeing just what kind of damage he’s doing to his son. Seeing the marks he leaves when someone doesn’t follow the rules.

It’s all about power. It’s always been. Physically and emotionally and no matter how much Billy wants to pretend he’s in charge, that’s absolute bullshit. His dad holds it all in the palm of his hand, pulling Billy along on a set of invisible strings. He knows which buttons to push, which words to spit out. Neil knows where it hurts the most — physically and emotionally.

Before he even really thinks about it, Billy drags himself towards the payphone connected to the outside of the diner. It looks worn and dirty but he can only hope it still works.

His hands are shaky as he throws some spare change into the machine before pushing down the buttons of the number he’s never used and yet still knows by heart. Just in case.

Just in case.

Just in —

“ Hello ? “ she sounds sleepy and Billy can only imagine her hair is all over the place and her makeup is smeared, half on her face still half printed onto her pillowcase.

“ Hey, it’s me. “

“ Billy ? “

“ Mmh. Did I wake you ? “

“ I uh — no. No you didn’t. “ It’s a lie. He can tell immediately though he appreciates the thought. She doesn’t want him to feel bad, wants him to know she doesn’t mind. It makes his heart feel just a little less heavy.

“ Are you alright ? “

Is he ? No. It’s the truth. The honest answer. Though it’s not the simple answer. There is no more simple in his life. There hasn’t been in a long time.

Everything in his life is just another knot in a tangled web of anger and fear and feelings he never allowed himself to feel.

What does he tell her though ? Yes, and lie. Or no and try to figure out just how to explain his entire shitty situation over a pay phone call.

He doesn’t answer at all. Because this question calls for a simple answer and he has none of those.

“ Do you know Benny’s diner ? “

“ In Hawkins ? Yeah. Why ? “

“ Can you — “ he takes a deep breath.

This is so awfully familiar. Can you come ? Can you stay with me ? Can you rescue me from this all consuming darkness that never seems to go away ?

He’s asked his fair share of questions just like that. Can you please come home. Can you ? Can you, mom ? I miss you.

He doesn’t want to ask again now because hearing the answer he’s heard all those other times, will break his heart. — No.

“ Can I what ? Come around ? Is that where you’re calling from ? Lemme just get dressed and I’ll be there, okay ? “

His heart breaks right there. Then reassembles. There’s still pieces missing but for a moment, for a fleeting second it feels like some of the cracks are temporarily filling up.

“ You sure ? “

“ I’m sure. Always !“

“ Okay.  “

“ Okay. Hey Billy ? “

“ Yeah ? “

“ Can you go inside and safe us a booth. And order me some cheese fries and a cherry coke ? “

He smirks at that, wipes the blood from his face and leans his forehead against the wall.

“ Always. “

                            Billy’s fingers nervously play with the chipping wood of the table before him. He can see the waitress eyeing him with an unreadable expression. He’s not sure if she regards him with worry or lust — or both.

She’s about to do her third round to refill his glass of water, when the bell above the door chimes up and figure rushes inside, denim jacket wrapped tightly around herself.

(Y/N) plops down across from Billy, hair wild and face void of all makeup. He can faintly make out a pillow print on her right cheek.

“ Hi, sorry it took so — oh my god. “

There’s pure and unfiltered horror on her face. As if she’s looking straight at a murder scene.

“ It’s that bad, huh ? And here I thought I could charm you with my exceptionally good looks. “ he jokes. She doesn’t laugh though. Not even a little bit. Not even a smirk or a grin. Nothing.

Instead her eyes hold a deep worry he hasn’t seen from anyone but her in such a long time, it still feels otherworldly and incredibly foreign to him.

“ What happened ? “

That’s the thing. Nothing happened. Nothing out of the ordinary and maybe that’s the biggest tragedy of them all.

Billy shrugs “ Guess my dad just isn’t my biggest fan. “

He can see just then it all clicks in her head. The bruises and the bloody nose and the constant state of anger.

“ Oh Billy “ she says, her voice but a whisper. “ Oh god. “

Before he can comprehend what’s happening she’s slid out of her side of the booth and sits down next to him. Her arms wrap around him and she buries her face in the crook of his neck. She’s warm and soft and gentle and it’s the complete opposite of the touches he’s used to from his dad.

He decides then, that her hugs are definitely in his top 5 list of favorite things on this earth.

(Y/N) slowly pulls away then gingerly cups his face trying to examine the damage.

Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears just waiting to fall. Billy doesn’t think he’s even close to be deserving of her worry, her affection and her love. But there is no way in hell he’s gonna reject it. He needs it. My god, he needs it so terribly.

“ Pretty boy, what am I gonna do with you ? “ she softly murmures, he assumes it’s just as much a question to herself as it is to him.

If only he had any idea how to answer it.

“ You think I’m pretty ? “

It doesn’t take away the gravity of the situation, the insanely heavy burden resting on them both. It does make her smile though and that’s more than he can ask for right now.

                            They spend the next hour at the diner, sharing some cheesy fries and listening to the 50s records playing over the stereo. (Y/N) doesn’t leave his side, not for a single second. He’s grateful. Having her close feels like things aren’t about to fall apart any second. She’s filling the cracks with smiles and warmth. She’s holding the seams together with soft touches and whispered words of affection.

“ Tell me something “ he says after stuffing another load cheesy fries into his mouth.

“ What do you want me to tell you ? “

“ I dunno. Something about you. I feel like you know a lot about me and I don’t know shit about you. “

She looks pensive for a moment, deep in thought as if carefully calculating just what secrets she wants to spill to Billy at 11pm in a diner at the edge of town.

He can’t fault her for that. Opening up is terrifying.

“ My mom died when I was 12 “ she replies after a moment of silence.

“ I’m sorry “.

She nods then leans her head against his shoulder “ she was a great mom. She loved me so much we were pretty much best friends, did everything together. Things were really tough for us but she always tried so hard to make life fun and happy for me. “

His mom did try, for a while. He always believed she loved him too. Then she ran off with some dude name Jeff she met at fucking Cracker Barrel. Seems like there was only so much love from her to be given to other people. And in the end Jeff won out over Billy.

“ What about your dad ? “

(Y/N) closes her eyes and takes a deep breath “ My dad was in jail for pretty much the biggest part of my childhood. Never for long but soon as he got out he found a way t get back in. When he was home he was — a rollercoaster of a person. He had times when he was the most fun person in the world, taking me to the fair and the movies and making up stories of make believe worlds. I love that man, that dad. But there were times, and they got more and more as time went on, when he was angry and scary and violent. Never to me but my mom was always on the receiving end of his wrath. I sat in my room covering my ears hoping the yelling would stop but then also fearing the moment it would because the silence was even scarier. When she was yelling at least I knew she wasn’t slumped on the floor bleeding or crying. “

There’s cold and hot shivers running up and down his spine as he listens to her story. If there’s one person in this world that he wishes he could take the pain from, it’s (Y/N). If he could just take it from her and put it all on himself, he would.

“ I was 10 when I called the police after finding my mom unconscious on the living room floor and dad gone. They arrested him again, put up a restraining order. Mom and I moved to Hawkins to be with my grandparents. Then she got sick. She died when I was 12 and I stayed with my pop and nan for a while but they — they’re old. They aren’t fit to raise a teenager so when I was 15 I got myself emancipated. That’s why I work at HHTCY. It’s a requirement to show that I am capable of living on my own and being responsible. Dad tries to contact me every once in a while. I don’t want to see him though. As far as I am concerned my father died along with my childhood when I had to pick my mother off of the floor, bleeding and unconscious. “

Billy doesn’t know what to say, there’s no words in the english language to properly express just how sorry he is that she had to go through this. How much he wishes she didn’t. How much he just wants all the pain gone and wrap her in up in quilt of safety and warmth.

So he doesn’t say anything, just pulls her closer and places a kiss on her head.

“ Pretty girl, you’re probably the most badass person I know. “

She sniffles then glances up at him with a tiny smile “ you think I’m pretty ? “

                            When they arrive at (Y/N)’s place, Luke the cat runs up to them, rubbing himself on Billy’s leg and purring up a storm. Though he never considered himself to be a cat person, Billy can admit that he’s warming up to this one particular feline. Luke is fat and happy and content. Maybe Billy is even a bit envious of him. Oh to be a housecat. What a glorious life.

(Y/N) disappears in her room for a moment and Billy let’s himself slump down on the couch. His head feels better though it’s still lightyears away from feeling good. The night feels like a goddamn hurricane of emotions. His mind was so loud at first, felt like it was never gonna shut up with thoughts of what is and what could be. Now it’s quieter, softer. Like a cozy blanket has been draped around him. To keep out the cold. The noise.

Billy kicks off his boots and takes off his red shirt leaving him in a white wife-beater. Just as he is about to lay down on the couch and settle down for the night, the door to (Y/N)’s bedroom opens and she calls out to him.

“ Billy ? “

“ Hmm ? “

She doesn’t reply, just reaches out her hand towards him waiting for him to take it.

He does. No question asked. He doesn’t know what it is about this girl, and quite honestly it terrifies him, but he would follow her to the end of the earth. Something about her puts things in perspective. No matter how cheesy it sounds, how much it makes him look like a pussy, but this girl has changed his life in the matter of about a week. This girl has brought some kind of sunshine to him. Has put parts of his heart back where they belong.

Her hand looks tiny in his. It’s such a stark contrast, her soft smooth skin against his all rough and calloused. It shouldn’t feel right but it does. It feels like it the only thing that’s right in his life. It feels perfect.

“ I can not let you sleep on the couch in this condition. I — it’s too small for you and it’s uncomfortable. “

“ It’s alright. “

She just shakes her head. “ I don’t want you to sleep alright. I want you to sleep well. Comfortable and warm and cozy. “

She has the most gorgeous eyes he’s ever seen. Like stars. How fucking cheesy.

“ So what, you gonna let me sleep in your bed ? “ he jokes, teasingly raising his eyebrow.

He thinks his heart about stops when she bites her lip and nods, pulling him towards her bedroom. And it’s not because of any sexual implications. This feels so much more intimate than casual sex ever could. Just the mere thought of falling asleep next to her sends a weird tingling sensation through him. To fall asleep holding her. To wake up next to her. Messy hair and pillow print and sleepy eyes and tired smile and all.

“ Okay. “ and this time it’s his words that don’t come out as more than a whisper.

                            The morning sun shines through the curtains of (Y/N) bedroom window, enveloping the room in a golden glow.

Billy opens his eyes to the sudden brightness lighting up the room. A glance at the clock on (Y/N)’s bedside table tells him that it’s 9:42, they’re already late for school might as well sleep in. After last night’s events neither of them thought of setting an alarm.

Billy looks beside him to the sleeping girl still blissfully unaware of anything but her dreams. He hopes they’re good ones. A selfish part of him hopes there’s a place for him there somewhere in her dreams.

It’s a strange sensation to wake up in a girl’s bed when he hasn’t had sex with her. He doesn’t think it ever happened before. Strange. Not uncomfortable though. Not at all.

As if sensing someone looking at her, (Y/N) grumbles in her sleep then reaches out towards Billy. When her hands find his arm, she crawls closer towards him and cuddles into his side as if it’s no big deal. And maybe it isn’t. Friends cuddle all the time, right ?

Thing is, it IS a big deal. At least to Billy it is. He’s not cuddled with anyone is such a long time. He definitely doesn’t cuddle his hookups. That’s way too intimate. Way too personal.

Billy Hargrove never thought of himself as a cuddler but as he pulls (Y/N) closer and feels her warm and soft against him, he thinks he might have been wrong about that. If this is what cuddling feels like, he’s definitely a cuddler.

So he closes his eyes again to fall back to sleep with the girl in his arms that changes everything.

                            “ Can’t believe you convinced me to skip school. You’re a bad influence Billy Hargrove. “

Driving along the roads of Huckley, sunshine flooding the streets, the two chew away on their late late breakfast to go. Having agreed that there was no point in going to school after having missed quite a bit, the two of them decided to just head over to HHTCY a little earlier than usually.

“ We were late anyway. And don’t pretend like you don’t enjoy it. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life. “

(Y/N) gasps “ did you just quote Star Wars to me ? Holy shit, Billy Hargrove is a nerd after all. “

“ Ah shut up. “

He doesn’t want her to shut up though. He’ll gladly listen to her ramble on about some nerdy movies he doesn’t really give a shit about if it means she’s happy. If it means he gets to see her smile.

“ So what’s on the agenda today ? “ Billy asks before taking another bite from his bagel.

“ There’s a uh — group session. “ she says, glancing at Billy. Though her eyes don’t meet his. Instead they rest on the bruises scattered across his face.

“ Why are you looking at me like that ? “

“ Mmm, you know, a lot of the kids there come from homes where they’ve experienced domestic violence. Talking about it helps them, maybe — “

“ — I’m not gonna talk about my feeling with some looney doctors “.

“ You could talk to me “.

Billy puts the car in park but doesn’t get out, just stares straight ahead trying to find the right words. He hasn’t had anyone to talk to in so long it’s hard and scary to change his ways. He wants to talk to her it’s just so much to unpack, half of it he hasn’t even dealt with himself.

“ I know that. “

“ Good, that’s all I want. Always, yeah ? “

He nods and places a soft kiss on the top of her head before getting out of the car and walking towards the big brick building.

Even her hair feels soft and warm, goddammit.

                            With every story shared Billy gets more and more angry. His blood keeps bubbling and boiling at the thought of what some of these kids have been through.

It makes him acutely aware of the bruises littering his skin. Though he’s a big guy, he can take it. These are kids. Innocent kids who don’t do anything wrong. They didn’t ask for this. The dysfunctional family dynamics. The frustration and the stress and the blame and the hurt.

What makes him even more angry, is that some of the adults in this room, professionals or not, don’t seem to grasp the situations. They have a lot of nice words the shower the kids with. They’re empty phrases though, written by someone who’s never had to go through the struggles he thinks can be overcome with positive thinking and focusing on the good in the world. The happy things.

“ Try to focus on the good things “

Enough. Enough.

Fucking enough.

“ That’s such bullshit. “

It’s the first time he’s ever spoken up in any session, ever, which means all eyes immediately focus solely on Billy. Then again, maybe it was also because of the swearing.

“ Would you like to participate in our discussion, Mr. Hargrove ? “ Lydia questions, still slightly perplexed by the fact that Billy of all people is suddenly showing interest in the conversation.

“ Sure. I said It’s bullshit ! “

“ Excuse me ? “

“ Oh you heard me. This whole thinking positive shit is old news. That stuff doesn’t work for someone who comes from a completely normal family and it most certainly doesn’t help when your dad thinks a new black eyes would really suit you. There’s no positive thoughts to fall back on when you’re all alone in your room with nothing but yelling from downstairs and the fear that once this fight is over you’re the next to feel the wrath.

A positive side doesn’t exist for most things in my life. In those kids’ lives. The good stuff is fine and the bad stuff is real fucking bad. Horrible. No happy thoughts for those days when you’re covered in bruises and blood from your nose courtesy of your father’s fist. You tell those kids that one day the good is gonna outweigh the bad. How can you be so sure ? Cause I can tell you right now, so far I can’t confirm that. “

“ Billy “ (Y/N) approaches him, placing her hand on his arm. He doesn’t shake her off though he’s not finished.

“ Stop telling the kids that the storm is gonna blow over. Maybe it will but the damage is done and It’s gonna weigh down on them for a long time. A long ass time. And you get so used to feeling nothing but anger and sadness. So when a good thing comes in your life, it’s fucking terrifying., because what if this too ends up leaving, what if you mess up this good thing ? “ he says then look over towards (Y/N) then back to Lydia “ You don’t tell ‘em that, do you ? “

Billy doesn’t wait for an answer, just rushes out the room, hands clammy at the anger and frustration cursing through his system.

He leans against the cool brick wall of the building, taking drag after drag from his cigarette trying to calm his nerves, as a pair of arms wrap around his middle from behind. (Y/N)’s places her head between his shoulder blades just holding him close for a moment. Billy thinks his heart might combust right there and then. She seems to have a magical ability to take away all the anger, all the pent up rage. And in its place there’s only calm.

The cigarette drops from his hand and he toes it out before placing his hands on hers, taking one of them in his and placing soft gentle kisses on her skin.

What is this girl doing to him ? And why is it both insanely scary and absolutely wonderful ?

                                                        Taglist:

@babygal-babygal / @anxiousamandapanda / @imjusthereforsupernatural / @chhhcherybomb / @tomarisela / @noodlenerd101 / @xxcxrolinexx / @bippity-boppity-boopa / @mcrmarvelloki /

[iwishicouldflyfarfaraway]

I wrote something, and changed some names.

Always Number One

Do you ever picture what would’ve happened if one single moment never happened? Because I do every day. My name is Charlotte and I am 26. I’ve been in love with the same person since I was 13 years old. I know…it sounds crazy. How could you possibly know you were in love at 13? It’s easy. He was my whole world, he has shown me more kindness than I imagined to be possible. He showed me love, and a brightness that when he is not around makes me feel dim, like my own light has gone out. Being around him just makes me forget about everything that is wrong with my life. When he moved away, and we drifted, my life just grew so difficult. He took a part of me, that I only get back when he is back. It sound pretty depressing, but to me, it means he is the one who has all of me. I miss him when I’m not even thinking about him. Everything reminds me of him.  Anyways, you might get a better picture of why I feel this way if I go all the way back to 2008, and I tell you about my love life since then.

I was a quiet little freshman walking into high school for the first time. My first class of the day was government, and somehow I got seated next to these two boys that I didn’t really know. Once my teacher called everyone’s name, I realized I did know who they were. The little brothers of my older brother’s friends. One of my brothers, had decided that his friends brother and me would end up dating….weird right? Well that didn’t happen, because I immediately was drawn to the other boy. Let’s call him Clarke. Anyways, I saw him in first period every day. We ended up getting separated because we would talk so much. He would walk with my to practice each day after school..his meeting spot was after mine, so it wasn’t really like he was going out of his way, or so I thought.

A few weeks into the year, we started to be boyfriend and girlfriend. One day after both of our practices had ended, he was meeting me in the stair between the locker rooms to walk me upstairs. He stopped me, and seemed really nervous, but then he just pulled me to him, and kissed me. I didn’t care that I was disgusting from playing soccer for two hours. I just felt happy. This was my very first kiss, and it couldn’t have been more perfect. The following week, he asked me on a date to the movies. Now, according to my parents, I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16, which felt like forever to wait. We had to be sneaky, and go in a group. I remember he picked the movie because his older sister recommended it. It was some Will Smith movie that I just couldn’t understand the plot. After about five minutes of trying to pay attention, we just stopped and focused on each other. I felt so bad for the friends we went with because we could not keep our hands off of each other. Now don’t go make assumptions, nothing happened more than some heavy making out. I was still a good girl in my mind, and I didn’t want to do anything more than that.

Honestly, looking back, I’m shocked he wanted anything to do with me. I mean, I was definitely attractive for a 13 year old…it’s not weird if I say that, right? Anyways, I was in shape because I played sports all year round, and was actually pretty good at them. But, I just wore sweats and t-shirts every day. I never dressed like a girl, people were lucky if I put on jeans. This was before leggings really became popular, thank god for them now. I live in leggings and cute shirts now. Back to then, I really didn’t try at all with my appearance, and he always looked nice. I don’t know why, but he was never embarrassed to be seen with me. He was proud of me and  I loved him for it.

It was over Christmas break that year when I told him I love him, and once I said it, I couldn’t stop. It just was exploding out of me. He brought the goodness out of me, but also I didn’t feel good enough for him, and it ate away at me. It brought an ugly side out of me, and I pushed him away. We broke up the following spring, and looking back now, that was why. I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do without him. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

The summer went by fine, I spent a lot of time with my best friend, and still saw him when we got together as a group of friends, or meeting up to go for runs. It was awful, I just got so quiet whenever he was near. Once we got back to school for sophomore year, he started dating this other girl, and I freaked out. It was one of the worst times. I called his best friend crying. This friend is actually one of my closest friends now, actually. He is really wonderful, but we can talk about him another time. I’ll just give you his name, Rick. I called crying, and panicking. He reassured me that it was a new thing, and nothing had been going on last spring. I don’t know why I had thought that, this guy was so loyal to me. They only dated a few month. During this time, Clarke and me began to repair our friendship. We talked every day, whether it be in class, or on the phone. I didn’t have a cell phone yet, so I had to be the one to call him, or come up with an excuse as to why he was calling me. Not that we were dating, but I didn’t want my parents asking or becoming suspicious regardless of that. His girlfriend didn’t like me very much, which made things difficult because she was on soccer with me, and her friends didn’t like me either. I think us being friends might have been a factor in their breakup, which I should have felt bad about, but honestly I didn’t care.

We kept growing closer, and became almost inseparable when we were together. We decided to give dating another try, this time in the spring of sophomore year, when I was about to turn 15. We dated all summer, and into the fall. I was so happy. Then one day, I came home to find my dad in my room waiting for me. Apparently someone had let it slip to him that Clarke and me were dating. I was terrified of what was going to happen, I never got in trouble. He told me that I had three days to tell my mom, or he would. I didn’t tell her, so he ended up having to tell her. I lied and said we were going to break up. They believed me, or so I thought. My dad admitted years later that he didn’t think I actually had done it.

I started to get into my own head again, panicking, and taking it out on him. Honestly, I don’t know why he still talks to me after how shitty I was to him back then. I guess he really loved me, and understood it was my own insecurities that caused it. This time, we didn’t break up for long, just two months or so, neither of us dated anyone during that time. He did take some other girl to a school dance, and I was pissssed, extra s’s for emphasis. It was some dumb freshman who thought so highly of herself because a junior asked her to a dance. I ended up going with some friends, and was miserable the whole time. Thank god they didn’t actually date, and he came back to me.

Valentine’s Day that year, was the greatest I’ve ever had. He had planned surprises all day. He had given some of our friends, who had classes with me, parts of “I LOVE YOU!!!” spelled out on one side, and filled in with all the reasons that he loved me, and “Happy Valentine’s Day” written on the other side. I was so happy, I almost cried. Still to this day, it was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me. He gave me the final piece, and a rose. He was always so creative with his romantic gestures. He made them really meaningful and unique.

A week before my 16th birthday, unbeknownst to me, he asked my dad permission to date me. I was so mad. I was in my rebellious phase and didn’t want my parents’ permission for anything. Looking back it was a really sweet gesture. He showed up to school on my birthday, with flowers, and asked me to be his girlfriend, even though I was already. I got so mad at him when he asked me in front of everyone, and told me he had asked. God I was such a bitch back then. I said yes of course, but later said I would’ve said no if there weren’t people there. I don’t know why I did things like that, it was so awful. He had done the sweetest thing, and I just shut him down. God I hate myself sometimes. I honestly wan to smack my 16 year old self, a lot. We ended up breaking up shortly afterwards, and of course I was miserable, of my own doing.

We didn’t really talk all summer, and I didn’t want to face him at cross country practice in August. I had switched over from soccer my junior year, I couldn’t deal with the girls on the soccer team. I didn’t feel like I fit in at all, and all my friends were on cross country. I was going to have to see him every day for two weeks before school started. Apparently we couldn’t stay away from each other. We worked through our issues, and became friends again. This time we really were just friends. I started to get out of my hormonal teenage mentality, and actually was nice. I didn’t lash out, and I could actually take a joke. We grew closer, but nothing more than friends. He started to date this girl, we can call her Amelia. She gets a name because she is around for a while.

I briefly had my first boyfriend, who wasn’t Clarke. That was Alex, he was fine. He was two years younger than me, and we dated for like a month, before realizing that we were better as friends. I think we kissed like twice, and neither was passionate. He is doing really well now, he actually just got married this year. I still talk to his mom sometimes. His mom used to like me because I was a good influence on our group of friends. I ended up being friends with Alex for a few years, and it was never weird that we dated.

Clarke and I had a pretty relaxing friendship that year. We even hung out on our own, which was fine, until a certain point. Now I’m going to pause for a second, and say that I realize this next part really won’t make you like me. It’ll probably make you think really poorly of me, but it is part of the story, and needs to be told. Sometime in the winter, we had been hanging out at his house, watching a movie in the basement. Now, at his parent’s house, they never really came downstairs, but also there was no door, so it was not safe to do anything. Not that we had ever done more than second base. We were still virgins. I hadn’t even given a blow job at this point. Anyways, somehow we ended up cuddling, and kissed. I don’t think either of us knew what to do about it, and just ended up ignoring it for a bit. We ended up hanging out at his house more and more. And he had this pool table in the basement. Do you know how hot it is to make out while you’re sitting on the pool table, and they are in between your legs? Let me tell you…It is as hot as it looks in the movies. I had never been so turned on before that moment. I love that pool table, and I think it still gives me shivers thinking about it.

Sometime in the following months, we surpassed second base, and went to third. He was still dating Amelia at this point, and I even helping him ask her to senior prom…I ended up going with a friend who didn’t have a date either. It was a fun time, but it was also the first time I actually felt jealous of Amelia. I knew that Clarke and I had something special, but I hated that I wasn’t the one with him in public. We did get a picture taken before prom together, and still to this day, it is one of my favorite pictures.

A month later, graduation was coming around, and somehow the topic of sex had finally come up between us. I mean we basically sexted all of the time, even while in school. We used to send texts to each other in our economics class. I sat right behind him, and I think this was the time our other friend realized that something might be going on between us. This was Rick, the one I had mentioned before. A few years later, when I knew that he knew, we talked about it. Anyways, Clarke and I planned to have sex. We were going to do it on graduation, I mean what better day? We ended up not being able to do it that day because of people being around, and not having privacy. So, we changed it to two days later. This happened to be my 18th birthday. Happy birthday to me! I went to his house the morning of my birthday, while our parents were both at work. We walked to his bedroom, this was my first time seeing it, and I could tell it was his. It was neat and organized. There were sports and boy scout things on the walls. It was nice. We ended up having the most awkward sex of my life. I wasn’t sure what was happening, and I was so quiet. We hung out for a little while afterwards, and I went home. They are right about sex releasing endorphins, I felt like I was on a high the rest of the day. I was a real adult, I had had sex. I felt closer to him.

Fast forward a few weeks, he was leaving for plebe summer. He had enrolled at The Naval Academy. We said our goodbyes two days before he left. He broke up with Amelia right around that time. I wasn’t surprised. He was going to spend the whole summer with letters and occasional phone calls as his only form of communication. He wrote me a letter so that I would have his address. I spent that summer basically writing him love letters, and not holding back. I knew there were things I was too chicken to say to his face, about how I loved him, and missed him more than anything. How I couldn’t wait to talk to him when the summer ended. He wrote me back when he was able. They were usually pretty short, but I didn’t mind. I sent him novels.

Come the end of summer, I found out that Amelia and Clarke got back together. I was so hurt. I started my freshman year of college, and I went crazy. I wanted him to be jealous, so I started going wild. I kissed so many boys that year, and a couple girls if I’m being truthful. My roommate and I started a tally board of how many boys we kissed, that’s how bad I got. I think the combination of freedom, alcohol, and being upset with Clarke got to me. I even texted him when I was at a party one time telling him how many people I was kissing that night, how embarrassing. I didn’t have sex with anyone though. I wasn’t ready for that. God, it took four years for me to be comfortable doing it with Clarke. I gained a small reputation amongst my friends for my kissing behaviors. I also discovered how nice it was to sleep with people, literally sleep, and cuddle of course.

Our friend Rick went to the same school as me, which is why we have stayed close over the years. I ended up hanging out in his dorm a lot, and my friends became his, and vice versa. I ended up becoming cuddle buddies of sorts with one of the guys on his floor, and spent many nights there with him. We never really went past third base, but he was always dependable. Neither of us wanted any kind of monogamy, but it was nice to have someone to call at the end of the night to just be there for you.

I stupidly ended up dating a guy in my friend group, who got way too attached to me, that spring. We only dated for like a month, but he was so petty about it. I’ll tell you about that later, it was ridiculous. We broke up right after freshman year ended. I actually did it on the phone, but I figured it wasn’t a serious relationship, and I didn’t want to drive an hour to do it… And I had been walking around the reservoir with a friend, and a guy had left his phone number on my car windshield. I didn’t break up with the guy for another, but it did make me realize I wasn’t prepared to be tied down, especially to him.

I met up with phone number guy maybe two days after I had become single again. He was really nice, and we ended up hanging out all summer. He is number two. We had been hanging out for two months and I was getting ready to go back to school, so we decided to have sex. It was one of the worst times I had. It wasn’t really his fault, it just hurt a lot. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. We only did it once, see the beginnings of a trend? After that happened, he started to get clingy, and that was a huge turn off for me. I decided when I went back to school, I was going to be completely single, not tied down, and maybe when I came home we could hang out. I didn’t want him visiting me at school, but I didn’t know how to say this, so I slowly began to distance myself from him. I stopped texting as much, and whenever he asked about visiting, I said I was busy. Which I was, with other guys.

The first guy, was Brandon. He was on the hockey team, and so very cute. He was so nice too. We only hung out once a week or so, and really didn’t do all that. We did a lot of kissing and cuddling, Okay, so we did a little more than that, but never had sex. That’s actually one of my regrets, not really the sex part, but the never trying to date him because he was a great guy.

The third was Mike. This one I worked for hard. I decided I wanted to at a party, and started making my moves. We ended up making out at a couple parties before the opportunity arose to go back to his apartment. At the time, we had some of the best sex, or so I thought. I’ve had much better now, but it was my third time, and to me, it was amazing. I got my hopes up, and tried to hang out with him a few more times, but he blew me off. I guess I was getting done to me, what I did to other people. So, I deserve it. But anyways, that was my first real one night stand. Not the last though.

Four was Ted, He was my friend from the school soccer supporters club. I was the loudest girl in the club, who actually knew what I was talking about. So the guys all respected me, and I became friends with them. Ted invited me up to his apartment to drink and hang out. It seemed like other people would be there, so I brought my best friend. There ended up being only five of us, and then it was down to four, and my friend was ready to go home. I talked to her in the back and told her I wanted to stay. She made sure I was okay, and not too drunk or anything. The other person left, was Ted’s roommate, and in the time we talked, he had gone into his room. So, my best friend left, and Ted and me kept drinking for a bit. Then his kissed me, and we ended up back in his room. We had sex. To me, this was my best sex. Mike was long gone in my mind. I had learned about one night stands now, and never tried to hang out with Ted like that afterwards. I had grown, and learned something.

Five may or may not have happened. I don’t remember, but someone else told me I did. I don’t mind if it happened, but I’m still curious. That was Sam. We had a class together, and bombed a test. We decided to drink on a Monday, and I ended up staying at his place. I know for sure we got to second base, but I don’t know about afterwards. If it happened, that’s fine, if not, that’s also fine.

Six was my next boyfriend, Matt. This boy started off great. He asked me for some book recommendations in order to talk to me. I love to read, so this was a good start. He even ended up taking me to the midnight premier of the movie adaption of one of my favorite books. Matt and I started dating in the fall of my sophomore year, I know we are still there… The first night I stayed over, he made a point to invite me for cuddling, and that’s all that happened. He was a gentleman. He didn’t care about the first two months of my school year, and that I had slept with one or two of his fraternity brothers. He just liked me for me. We did lots of fun things. We went out to fancy dinners, went camping, and we went to the beach. We spent almost every night together after we started dating, whether in my dorm room, or his house. I think I loved Matt, but he grew too much for me. He was developing some anxiety and depression issues, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I tried, believe me. I didn’t want to give up on him, but he wasn’t considering things from my point of view. I felt smothered by him, and lashed out. We dated through the end of the school year, about seven months. My breaking point was after I got home from work one day, it was after ten pm because I had hung out with friends afterwards. He had asked about coming over when I got home, and I said no since I was tired, it was late, and I had to get up for work the next day. He didn’t listen to me. He drove from his parent’s house, to mine, which took an hour. He kept calling me, I had left my phone upstairs, and went downstairs. When I went upstairs, I had 34 missed calls from him, in 15 minutes. We didn’t have smart watches back then, so I wouldn’t have known he was calling. I thought he wanted to talk, so I called him back. It turns out, he was at my house, and wanted to come inside. I was furious. I went outside to his car, and I point blank told him he couldn’t come inside. I told him to go home. He was crying, but I was tired, and mad. A few days later, I went to his house, knowing what I needed to do. I took all the things I had that were his, and we talked. I told him it was over. It was the most awkward conversation. I just took my things and left. I found out later, from Rick actually, that he burned all the pictures and stuff he had from me. But that is the story of number six, the second serious relationship that I had.

Next up, is Luis. He is a confusing one. I worked with him, and we started to hang out. I thought it was just a friends with benefits situation, but he viewed it differently. It lasted about two months. I ghosted him as the kids say, but not completely since we still worked together I just couldn’t handle him anymore. I felt like had just gotten out of my relationship with Matt, and he wanted me to jump right into another, but I needed my space.

Around this time, Clarke and Amelia broke up again, this time for good. I had seen Clarke at the holidays the past few years, but we had drifted a little bit because Amelia didn’t like him talking to me. Honestly, I don’t know if she knows about what happened senior year, and I never wanted to ask Clarke. She was an unspoken thing between us. We started talking more when they broke up, but that was really it.

I went back to school, and had an interacting with seven. Honestly, I don’t even know how it happened. I hadn’t really talked to him, Ben, much. He was a fellow soccer club supporter, like Ted. We had gone to an away game at a school nearby, and everyone was drinking. We rode down in the same car, so when we were coming back from the game, we were both drunk. Ben kissed me, and then we made out in the back of the car the ride home I felt bad for the driver. I said he could come up to my apartment if he wanted. Mind you, this was like 6:30/ 7:00 on a Sunday night! One of my roommates was in the living room, we quickly said hi, and kept on to my room. Once we were done, I walked out to the kitchen to get water and all three of my roommates were there. Talk about embarrassing. I went back, and when he was leaving, walked him out. As we walked through the living room, one of my roommates began to play “I Just Had Sex” out of her laptop. I was mortified. Ben left, and I just saw him at games after that.

Now it is a while before we get to number eight, because the next person was Clarke. We ended up visiting each other at school, and over the winter holidays. It was perfect. We had grown up, and were who each other needed. I was so happy. It lasted eight months, and they were the best. We went to the Naval Academy ring dance together in the spring, and I finally got to put on a pretty dress, and take pictures with my man. I was overjoyed. We were drinking champagne, and I felt like a princess that night. I confessed that I loved him, and would tell him when I wasn’t drinking too. It was a fairytale. We spent the whole weekend together, and I was so happy. It was normal, we made meals, and got to wake up with each other, not in a twin bed. I got to explore Annapolis with him, I would go down on weekends when I wasn’t working, and he would show me all the places that they liked to go. Come June, I thought we were doing really well, and honestly was picturing myself marrying him in a few years. I mean I had thought that for years, but now it actually seemed like it might happen. Everything was going great, until he said the awful words “I need a friend right now, not a girlfriend. I’m going to be on a Submarine for five years” I was devastated. I went home and I cried. I cried so much, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I spent the rest of the weekend with my friend, Annie, drunk. I was mad, I was sad, I was pissed, I was depressed. It changed each minute. It led me to the worst person, number 8.

Number 8 was my longest consistent relationship. His name was Connor, but we can call him Asshole. I worked with him, and he was one of my friends that was actually 21, like me. So, he could go out to bars and drink with me. I think this is what drew us together. Also, he was pretty attractive, in a rugged, bad-boy kind of way. He was the opposite of Clarke, who was your perfect blue eyed brunette, who also happened to have a uniform I found so attractive. So Asshole was the opposite, he was not even that nice, until he started liking me. I spent the night at his place a few times a week, lying to my parents about where I was, and having lots of sex. That was something we were good at doing. We made a pact “no falling of any kind”. It was sort of a joke that we couldn’t fall down either, not just falling for each other. Well, we failed at that, and after four months of hanging out all the time, he gave in and called me while he was at a concert asking why we couldn’t date. I ended up agreeing to date him, and it moved fast. He told me he loved me first, when he was half asleep. I think he regretted it, until I said it back, and he felt relieved. Things were going great, and then he moved back towards his parent’s house, an hour from me. I would end up staying over three times a week after work, and sometimes weekends. It was difficult, but we made it work. Then we decided to move in together, after about a year and a half together. We got this nice little basement apartment, and I got a second job to help pay for my half of the rent. He started to not like how much I was working, saying that we never did anything, and I retorted back that I couldn’t afford anything if I didn’t work that much. It was a never ending argument. I started to feel like something was up with him, and tried to get into his phone multiple times, with no success. Until one night, I came home from work at two am to find his phone unlocked playing videos, and him asleep. I immediately started going through it, and beginning to panic, and cry. I found videos, photos, and texts from a friend of ours. They were so explicit. I called like three people, but nobody answered, until a friend from the bar, my second job, answered. I told her what happened, and she said to pack a bag and leave. So, I took photos of things from his phone, slowly went to the bedroom, packed a bag, got to the doorway, and threw his phone at him, screaming. He didn’t know what was going on, and pretended to play dumb. I screamed a lot and left. I drove back to the bar, where there still were people. I ended up crashing at my boss’s house that night. I had so many missed calls from him, but refused to answer. Now you might be thinking, good this is what you deserve for what you did to Amelia, and believe me, I agree, but at the time, I was a mess. I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t know what to do. So, I started planning. I went home, and he tried to talk to me, but I didn’t want to hear anything. The only communication I had with him the next few weeks, was only via text message. I ended up finding the place I currently live, and moving out. I paid my half of the last four month’s rent at the old apartment, and I was gone. He didn’t try to argue with me, except about one thing, our dog. So I had filled the application out, but he had gone to pick up the dog when we actually were about to adopt him. He didn’t put my name on the papers, so I couldn’t keep him. I was livid, and I wanted to kill him. Instead I drank a bottle of tequila, and wrote him a scathing message, to which he never responded. That is the end of the Asshole. Now I was 23 years old, and bitter.

Number nine is also an asshole, but not in the same way. Nine is Ryan. Now Ryan picked me up at my bar, because he heard me tell my friend that I was going to have sex with someone else, and he wanted to first. Well he succeeded. The bar was pretty much empty, and I could get away with having a few drinks. I ended up letting my friend go home since she didn’t feel well, and I closed the bar on my own. Except Ryan stayed. He made me nervous because he was 30, and I had never been with someone that much older than me. Ryan had walked up to me while I was doing some of my closing work, and just kissed me. It was hot. One of the best kissed I had ever. It caught me off guard, even though we had been flirting the whole night. He followed me around while I was closing, and kept kissing me, it was hot. I ended up going back to his apartment, and we started to hook up. At this point, I realized he was kind of drunk. He called me by the wrong name. I just ignored it, I just wanted to have sex with him at this point. So we did. I went to leave, I was still living with the Asshole for another two weeks at this point, and I wanted him to hear me come in a four am, knowing my bar usually closed at one am that night. Ryan tried to get me to stay, but I wasn’t to be convinced. He just had me text him when I got home, so I did. We ended up talking a lot after that, and he would come visit me at work. We began to regularly hook up, and he never called me by the wrong name again. The sex was pretty good, and I liked The Asshole knowing I was doing it for those two weeks I was still living with him. Oh yeah, I was staying in the second bedroom.

Ryan and I were having a good time, and I didn’t feel the need to find anyone else, I don’t know if he was or not, but I didn’t care. This lasted for about a year or so. I was still on all the dating apps, and the following summer I met a guy. His name was Matt. I know, apparently I have a thing for people named Matt. Anyways, we ended up meeting up, and clicking. I didn’t know where it was going, but I thought it was time to stop hooking up with Ryan. He got so mad. He acted as if we were dating, and I broke up with him. He had had an entire year, and never made it seem like he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I was pissed at his reaction, and we stopped hanging out.

So now there was Matt, he is number ten. I was 24 now.  He only actually happened once. It’s a strange thing, my friendship with him. We went on dates for a while, and he would come stay at my house. We didn’t have sex, until I visited his house. Now, he was living with his mom, because he was commuting two hours, and wanted to save money to buy a house. He bought one a year ago now. It’s really nice, but we will come back to that later. Matt is in the National Guard, Air Force, and he got deployed about six months into our whatever it was. We drifted apart some while he was gone, and I started talking to other guys. He came back, and we still hung out, but things were different. There was no more kissing, or physical things. We were just really good friends. Which was fine with me. We are going to come back to Matt in a little, because he is still around.

Next up we have the Stevens. The first one, was a one night stand, who happened to be the person my best friend list her virginity to a few years before. She is happily in a relationship, and gave me her okay before I did it, because we were all out drinking together. Honestly it was boring drunk sex, but I had been on a dry spell, so it was broken.

The second Steven I had met a few times through some friends, and we ended up at a party together, and actually spoke for the first time. He was funny and I had a great time talking to him. There was definitely some heavy flirting going on between us. On my end, it may have been because I was pissed about something or other with Ryan, and needed someone new, I don’t really know. Anyways, we exchanged snapchats, and he kissed me outside when nobody else was around. I wanted him right then and there, but that wasn’t going to happen. A few days passed, and we had been talking a little bit, and he invited me over to his house to hang out. I went over, and met his dog, Molly. She was such a sweetheart, who just wanted infinite pets. I ended up staying the night, and doing what you expect to happen. I actually started to like spending time with him, and it became at least once or twice a week for about a month. I met up with him and some of his friends at a bar, and he was sloshed. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I panicked. I said we could talk about it when he was sober, hoping he would forget, and never bring it up again. At this point, I had discovered he didn’t really like keeping jobs, oh and he liked to sell, and do drugs. I’m all for certain things, like marijuana, but nothing more than that. I remember one time I came over in the morning before I had something to do, just to hang out for a bit, and found cocaine just on his nightstand. It freaked me out. I didn’t see a future with someone that sold drugs as their main source of income, regardless of how wonderful he was otherwise. I couldn’t do it. He asked me again to be his girlfriend after drinking, and I just had to end it. I couldn’t go on like this. It was fine when it was casual, and we just hung out, but I couldn’t handle anything more than that. I just couldn’t it was about three or four month in when I ended it. It was about a year and a half after the asshole situation, and I guess I wasn’t as healed as I imagined myself to be. Anyways, there is my few months of dating a loving drug dealer.

The next person, was Ryan. I kept coming back to him because he was easy, and I didn’t have to try. He was comfortable. We hooked up a few months, and I obviously knew that nothing was going to come of it, but it was nice to have someone when I needed them at any time of the day.

St. Patrick’s Day 2019 was the beginning of my first actual relationship after the asshole. It was an interesting story, and I thought it might be fate.  His name is Even, or number 14, and he is honestly the most spoiled person that I have ever met. I’m going to go back a few years to explain our relationship. I have a great friend from high school, Jules. She is super into girls, but didn’t always think so. Her and Even became friends when they met at college, and through her, I met him a few times. At some point, I ended up kissing him, and maybe doing a little more with him…I gave him the best blow job of his life, as he told Jules. Anyways, we didn’t really ever talk, but would run into each other at random times, like baseball games, and one time we even sat at tables next to each other at brunch, and neither of us said anything. When I left that brunch, I immediately texted Jules and told her it definitely was him, to which she told me he had texted her the exact same thing. I sent his a message that next time we would say hi to each other if we saw each other anywhere. Flash forward to St Patrick’s Day, at the bar crawl, I happened to open my snapchat map, and saw him in the same building as me. I sent him a message telling him I thought we were, and he ended up being next door, but we still planned to meet up during the bar crawl. We ended up meeting, and talking, and talking, and talking for five hours. He had been struggling with some things related to school, and I just tried to talk to him, and cheer him up. It worked. I ended up going back to his apartment with him, and doing what I did best. Well I called an uber, and went home in the morning, but not before we exchanged numbers. We started to hang out after that, getting brunch, going to baseball games, football games, out on his parent’s boat. We were having a blast. It lasted a few months. We officially started dating in June, and he ended up meeting my whole family. He was nice, but a bit selfish. He always put himself first. Somehow he kept failing this big test, and didn’t want to get a job until he passed. This led to his spoiledness. His parents just kept throwing money at him the whole time. This was a 26 year old, who could’ve gotten a temporary job, just accepting their money. So, come October, he ended up breaking up with me. I was fine with it, not really too upset, just a little surprised.

I ended up going back and hooking up with Ryan, which was a mistake. I had forgotten about what an asshole he was, only caring about himself. He just complained all of the time, and it wasn’t even about important things. It was frustrating, and quite frankly a huge turn off.

Right before Christmas, in 2019, I saw him again, Clarke. I hadn’t seen him, or talked to him in four years. It was a party at my best friend’s house. She and Rick both asked me if it was okay if he came. I couldn’t say no. I wanted to see him, and see if he had changed. I got myself ready, mentally, and physically. I curled my hair and put on a cute outfit. I felt ready to see him. I walked in a bit after people, since I had things to do that day, and he was sitting at the dining room table with everyone, playing some kind of drinking game. My heart raced. He looked so good. He was in a long sleeve white shirt, and he smiled at me. The only space open was right next to him. I walked over, and he stood up, giving me a hug. I about died. He smelled the exact same as I remembered, and all those feelings that I had buried came rushing to the surface. I sat down and we started playing the game. I don’t even remember what the game was at that point. Later on we played a game of Kings. I kept picking the card that put me in the hot seat It was mortifying. I had the option to take a shot, or answer everyone’s questions. One person asked me who I would be most likely to have sex with at the table, and I just pointed at him, and said nothing. I ended up taking a few shots during that game, and may have started to be tipsy. I somehow ended up sitting on the stairs with him, and we started catching up. We talked about anything and everything that happened the last four years. It was like no time had passed. I felt like I was in a haze listening to him, and inhaling his scent. It was perfect. Rick and he had to leave at some point, I was staying over because I obviously couldn’t drive. I went to say bye to him, and told him not to make it another four years without talking to me because I missed him. I was doing great, but as soon as they walked out the door, I broke down. I cried and cried. I had a complete breakdown about him. I missed him more than I realized, and I had buried so many feelings about him, even I didn’t realize it. We started texting sometimes after that, not regularly, but every month or so we would catch up. I decided I was not going to wait for him to finish up with his navy service, but I wouldn’t completely shut that door either, because he is the one.

February 2020 was an interesting one for sure. I was still hanging out with Matt, the second one, and we met up to grab drinks one night. I thought it was just going to be like two drinks, catch up, and head home, but he had different plans. A few of his friends came, and boy did he start drinking. I had about three or four beers because I had to go to work the next day, and also drive myself home at some point, so I paced, and drank slow. He did not. When we were all getting ready to leave, he pulled me aside, and told me he was glad I was not crazy, that he loved me, and was glad we were friends. Then he kissed me. I was floored. Nothing had happened between us in over a year and a half. I thought we were just friends, but that was way more than a friendly kiss. That was a hot and heavy wanting kiss. A kiss that I don’t think he remembers. Matt and I have a weird sort of friendship that even I don’t understand. I stay at his house, sleep in his bed, and cuddle, but besides that night, and another later on, he never makes a move. We watch TV, run errands, and grab food, almost like a couple, except there is nothing sexual. Honestly it’s the most confusing situation that I have ever been in before. I don’t know what to think about it. This is currently where I am at, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think I like Matt, but it’s nothing like how I feel about Clarke. Matt is a great placeholder, but I don’t see myself with anyone but Clarke.

I’ve tried so many times, as you see in this story, to get over him, to date other people, but I keep coming back to him. I still am completely in love with the boy who loved me when I was 13, 16, and 20. I cannot shake him, no matter how hard I try. Rick is our number one fan. He is utterly convinced that we will end up together. I haven’t talked about it with Clarke, but I have many times with Rick. He has heard all my thoughts and wishes over the years. Rick brings him up all the time, knowing how I feel about him. I am so curious if he talks about me to Clarke, as much as he tells me about Clarke. I’m going to pause this now, until there are any updates in any direction. Currently it is August 2020, and I still love Clarke the same, if not more than I did back in 2008. He will always be my number one.

Xx Charlotte.

[therosevest]

last christmas, i gave you my heart

day 2 of the byeler holiday bash, hosted by @frogfaceandzombieboy

read on ao3

It only takes two minutes of being in Mike’s house for Will to bolt. It takes two minutes and one quiet, “Merry Christmas, Will,” for him to aim for long gone. He’s used to his flight instinct anyway.

He stumbles out to the chain-link fence behind the house, wrapping shaking fingers into the metal. Listlessly, he sinks to the ground, wondering why the fuck he can’t just do this. Why he can’t be around his ‘best friend’ just for the holidays. El had run off with Max the moment they stepped through the door, and Will knew his friends were waiting for him, so why couldn’t he just manage?

He didn’t mean to be so scared. He didn’t want to keep running, wanted to learn to find solace in family and people and togetherness once again.

He didn’t want to be lonely. But it’s what he’s used to.

As hot tears trickle down his face, cold air takes advantage of the bare parts of his skin, freezing his cheeks and hands; after a moment, Will clenches his fists and buries them in his jacket, head resting against his forearms. Yes, eventually he has to go back in. Eventually, he has to deal with this. Eventually he’ll learn. Eventually isn’t now.

Unfortunately, it only takes about two minutes for a soft, homely glow to spill out over the snow in front of him, revealing that someone had followed him out.

“Will?”

Will bites down on his lip, threatening to crack it in the spiteful winter air. “What, Mike?”

“Why did you run?” The boy hugs himself, stepping out tentatively into the yard.

“You know why.”

Mike’s footsteps crunch across the icy snow. He doesn’t say anything else, just hands Will a thicker coat and sits beside him.

Irritated, Will snaps, “You know what, Mike? I really don’t understand why you’d waste your time out here.” He sets the coat in his lap and pushes himself back clumsily with both feet, back bumping loudly against the fence. “I’ll be in in a few minutes, okay?”

Mike tries aimlessly to meet his gaze, then huffs out a sad sigh. “I wanted to talk to you, Will. I’ve been trying to talk to you for forever, but you haven’t answered my calls lately, and I--”

“Then you can manage another few days, right? I’ll be out of sight, out of mind. We can go back to normal.” Will hates himself for the spite tangled in his voice. Hates himself for being a coward.

“That’s not normal,” Mike says, eyeing Will with his heart on his sleeve. His jaw juts out and his eyes gleam under the purplish night sky. “You’re my best friend, you’re—it’s not normal for us. At all.”

“Well, I can’t do this anymore, Mike. I’m sorry.” Will gathers up all his courage, gathers all of the words he practiced in the mirror and went over again and again through salty tears when he caught himself overthinking in the shower. “I was honest with you, and you knew I had feelings for you and, and I know things were complicated with El and the breakup and whatever! But you could have just been honest with me!”

Mike narrows his eyes. “What’s it matter if I talk and you don’t listen?”

A moment of silence falls between them, filled with conversations between blazing eyes and gentle puffy clouds from their breath and shiny white snow, inviting the excitement of Christmas and the cold of winter up to the center playing field.

Will sits up straighter against the fence, crossing his arms over his knees to put some distance between him and the boy in front of him. “Go ahead.”

Mike lets out a deep breath. “My family is… a lot different than yours. I thought I couldn’t talk to my mom about anything, and I was so lost and confused and—I didn’t know what I felt for El! For you! And you understood, or at least somewhat understood what you were feeling, but I didn’t.” A sniveling sound fills the air briefly. “I’m not saying that excuses me acting distant and weird, but… I don’t know. You move to another city and you meet all these new people, people who can talk about that stuff, but here? I couldn't find anyone. And I didn’t have you anymore, and it scared me. A lot. You gotta know, Will, I knew something was different for a long time, but I felt like I could never ask if you knew it too, and then when you said something like it was that easy I just—“ his forehead creases harshly. “I’ve been stuck for so long. I--”

Will feels like his heart is beating outside of his chest, sat crying and heartbroken in front of him. He lifts Mike’s bare hand from the snow and threads it with his, waiting quietly for him to pull his teary eyes from the ground, to settle the racing heartbeat Will swears he can feel through his gloves. The boy opposite him presses his lips together tightly, red rimming his nose and the bottoms of his eyelids, sadness protruding like a broken bone from his features.

Will aches for him.

The boy who has always held him, comforted him, had his back. His first friend. 

The boy he abandoned. 

He had never meant to do that.

“Will,” Mike mumbles, lost in the snow and the stars and the warmth he and Will form in their own little bubble. A snowflake lands on his nose and he sniffles. “I’m really sorry.”

Will shakes his head, pushes forward onto his knees, parks himself between Mike’s, and relishes in the blown-out look in his eyes. He’s never kissed a boy. Mike smiles, a nervous quirk of his lips, and everything is slow motion, everything beckoning Will forward, every bit of contact between them screaming the known unknown of I love you.

With his free hand, he cups Mike’s cheek, then catches his lips between his own for a chaste first kiss.

A choked sort of sound falls from Mike’s nose, and then he pushes forward, grabbing onto Will’s shoulder before leaning back just enough to break the contact, forehead pressed against Will’s.

Will strokes his cheekbone, littered with snowflakes and blotchy tears. “Is that okay?”

Mike nods, eyes flitting between Will’s. “Yes,” he whispers.

Then Will lifts Mike’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, smiling softly, comfortingly, because he loves Mike; he’s loved him for years, and it’s okay if he’s scared. Will is scared too. But they’ve got each other.

Together.

This time Mike pushes forward, a hand sliding to the back of Will’s neck. His chest falls flush against Will’s, and damn, it’s nice. As Mike tilts his head, inviting something deeper that makes Will sigh against his lips, Will tugs at his waist, pulling him as close as possible, and it’s warm and like shooting fire through his veins. It’s his best friend; his best friend is kissing him like he means it and nothing else matters. Mike easily melts into Will, who curls into the embrace and twists his fingers into Mike’s hair. 

And then they’re one. So close they’re sharing breath and skin and everything.

“M-Mike,” Will says hoarsely once he pulls away, fingers still caught up in Mike’s hair as the boy blinks dazedly at him. “Are you sure—is this what you want?”

“Will, this…” he looks between Will’s eyes then stares at the ground like he can’t handle it, a sweet chuckle lifting his cheeks, “this is all I’ve ever wanted. But--you? Do you still want to, um--? Because I get it, I mean, I was an idiot and--”

Will can’t help himself. He leans in to press a kiss to Mike’s lips again, but this time, it’s a lot more smile than anything. “Yes. God, yes. I’ve had the dumbest crush on you since we were like ten.” And then the smile falters slightly. “I’m sorry. I should have called you back.”

“Don’t sweat it.” Mike grins at him, and Will thinks he could survive the rest of his life on the high he gets from being able to feel the boy’s smile. “We got there.”

Back to normal.

Will uses his advantage to pull Mike into a tight embrace, resting his head in between his neck and shoulder, clinging to his back and pulling him even closer with his legs around his waist. With a quiet, ‘oof,’ he falls to his back, bringing Mike down over him.

And then they’re giggling, caught up in fits of nervous and relieved laughter, holding onto each other and smiling like the world has opened up just for them, like the sky and the ground are smiling onto them.

Mike places a hand on either side of Will’s head, grinning down at him like he’s won something.

“What?”

“Merry Christmas, Will.”

Will gingerly reaches up and cradles the back of his head like he’s going to pull him in for a kiss, but he just lets his hands explore Mike’s face. Squishes his cheeks. Presses a finger into that one stupid freckle on his jaw. Tucks his hair behind his ear, and twirls a finger into the curl. Everything he’s been waiting for. At first, Mike squints at him like he’s going to say something smart; but then he just blinks down at Will with a languid smile and presses a kiss to his wrist.

“Merry Christmas.” Will meets him with a teasing smile, scrunching up his nose. “God, we’re gonna get so sick.”

Mike shrugs. “Worth it?”

“Oh, absolutely.” He holds up a pinky. “Idiots together?”

Mike chuckles, full-belly laughter that lights up his face and seeing it inches from his own has Will’s heart expanding until he thinks he’s going to explode.

“Idiots together,” he finally concedes.

And Will is pulling Mike in, guiding him gently, but then he stops. Chuckles like it’s a secret, ignoring Mike’s confused look. And finally, Will swipes at Mike’s nose, still a bit drippy from his earlier tears. Mike swats at his hand and groans, “Ew, gross.”

“You’re the one that cried, dumbass.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t exactly want snot on me when I’m trying to kiss you.” Will quirks an eyebrow, and Mike rolls his eyes.

“Whatever.”

After the next few minutes, where it seems the world belongs to them, rested carefully in their linked fingers, Will finally speaks up.

“Mike,” he leans away from a kiss, kisses the boy’s nose to compensate, then rests his head back down on the ground. “We should probably go back inside. Let someone know we didn’t run away or anything.”

“Still an option if we don’t.”

Will shakes his head and rolls his eyes, pushing himself into a sitting position, even though it means Mike being tangled problematically between his limbs.

They stand slowly, tripping over each other’s legs and admiring each other’s snow stains, perhaps shaking a little from the cold but high enough on life to ignore it.

Side by side, they walk up to the door.

Will removes his left glove to intertwine his hand with Mike’s, chances a glance up at Mike, and raises an eyebrow, smiling. “Together?”

Mike nods. “Always.”