#force me & others to hear your complexities via understanding your story!!

[wizardsfang]

So ik that labels are cool & all but have we considered instead building reputations for ourselves & others understanding what n who we are via knowing our names & our stories?

Bringing this up because I keep seeing different critters trying to find hyper niche terms for niche & unique things they experience, which is cool! It can be fun! But also please just explain to me your thing. Take it as an opportunity to yap and connect! Let your story & your experiences BE stories & experiences!

Be! Complicated!

[mostgeckcellent]

I'm here to ask about bibliotherapy!

First of all, I've literally never heard of it, so please feel free to tell me anything about it that you think would be helpful or cool for me to know!

Second of all... the fic writer in me obviously can't help but think about how it might relate to writing fanfiction. I'm not sure how to properly ask my question lol, but I guess I'd just be interested to hear any thoughts you have on a relationship there?

Becky!!! welcome to the Ren Isn't Working on Their Thesis Party!!!

So, I gave a brief overview (brief lol... brief in the context of my thesis is going to be very long indeed) of bibliotherapy in this ask, so I'm not gonna rehash All of it.

Instead, I'm gonna talk more about storytelling, because I think that's what's more relevant to the fic part of this ask. I'm also putting a readmore in now, because I've learned I can talk about this at length.

So, I'm gonna go ALLLLLL the way back into the fundamental theory for a second. Which means we're talking about Terence Deacon.

Human beings are the only species to use language. Now, language and communication are not the same thing. There are a lot of species that use relatively complicated methods of communication, with sounds that mean specific things. There are also species which have been taught to use human language (though there's a lot of debate there as to how much they're really using language, vs how much they've been taught to do a complex series of things in exchange for a reward). The fact is, using language isn't a matter of it just being too complex for other species to have evolved it - it just wasn't advantageous to those animals. Evolving language takes so much evolutionary energy - human infants are helpless for So Long, and so much hinges on their learning language. Here's the biggest difference, though, between how humans use language, and how animals can be taught to use language, whether they understand it fully or not: humans filter absolutely everything through language.

Here's where we get a little existential. Humans are a Language Species. Everything about ourselves is filtered through the lens of language; everything about how we perceive the world is through language. A gorilla can be taught that this word refers to food, or mother. To a human, that simple IS food, that simply IS mother. In that way, we require language in order to grow, as people. We have a lot of trouble conceiving of something we don't have language for.

What came first - humanity or language? Deacon argues you can't have one without the other. Language is fundamental to how we form the Self, and to how we connect to the world.

So, we need language. The way we use language is unique. I've been talking at you for like a hundred words now, when am I going to get to stories?

Well, now. Now is when I'm getting to stories.

Enter Joseph Gold. He says, okay, language is a fundamental, biological behaviour of human beings. Cool - let's take it a step further. It's not just language, it's stories specifically.

Stories are how we organize language. They provide lenses and frames for that language, and for the information contained within.

Now, in my last post I said I could talk about the difference between frames and lenses, but I wouldn't.

Guess what! I'm talking about it now instead. Imagine a picture. Whatever picture you want. Okay, now put it in a frame. It looks different, right? It might cut off something on the edges; it might flatten it better. A fancy frame might make you think about the picture differently than a frame made of popsicle sticks, or a dollar store frame. So, a frame, when we talk about literature, about stories, is the things in and around it that influence interpretation.

Take the frame off your picture, and imagine instead that you're holding a translucent sheet of coloured plastic in front of it instead. You can still see the original picture, but no part of it looks exactly the same; it's colouring directly what you're seeing. There we have the fundamental difference between a lens and a frame; a frame pushes you towards a certain interpretation. A lens changes directly what you see.

Everything has frames and lenses. Some of them are ones we arrive with; some of them are put there by others. Lenses tend to come from us; frames tend to come from other people.

Ren, I hear you say! This still isn't about stories!

I'm getting there.

Basically, every story has frames and lenses. Our lenses are informed by the things we've read before, the things we already believe, the things we've experienced. A hundred people could read the same book, hear the same story, and a hundred people will have taken something completely different and unique away from it, depending on what lens they're bringing to that experience.

And now I think you might see where I'm going with this when it comes to fanfiction!

A lot of research supports the idea that writing about your experiences can help process trauma, IF the person is in a place to be ready to do that. Forcing people to write about things before they want to won't work, just like forcing people to talk about things they're not ready for won't help. In my last post, I talked about how bibliotherapy is about getting you there. Reframing your trauma through a character can help you by proxy reframe it for yourself. It can make it easier to talk about.

Now, I'm not going to argue that writing fanfiction is a form of bibliotherapy. It's not. That doesn't mean it's not valuable! That doesn't mean you're not getting something out of it! It's just not actually a guided therapy, right?

But I think we can look at this theory and take a few things away from it regarding fanfiction.

1. everyone is going to interpret source material differently, they're going to connect to different things in it, and that's natural. We all bring our lenses.

2. writing fanfiction could very easily be a way of connecting with those narratives, and we will always bring something of ourselves into it, as writers. This is good!

3. given our tendency to connect to stories, given that stories are an inherent part of how we organize and take in information, fanfiction is such an intuitive way to grapple with the narrative presented to us via the fiction we consume

There's more, if I think about it. I'm sure it could be a thesis of its own! But those are the first things that come to mind, without really doing an in-depth analysis or taking a long time to think about it, I guess.

So, yeah! bibliotherapy, storytelling, fanfiction - I hope that answered your question! once again this is an absurdly long post.

[1vintage]

Ocean Vuong on Metaphor

below is a transcript of an Instagram story from Ocean Vuong, available here in his story highlights under Metaphor.

Q: How do you make sure your metaphors have real depth?

metaphors should have two things: (1) sensory (visual, texture, sound, etc) connector between origin image and the transforming image as well as (2) a clear logical connector between both images. 

if you have only one of either, best to forgo the metaphor, otherwise it will seem forced or read like “writing” if that makes sense.

~

a lot of ya’ll asked for examples re:metaphor. I can explain better if I had 15 minutes of class time (apply to UMASS!). But essentially, metaphors that go awry can signal a hurried desire to be “literary” or “poetic” (ie “writing”), which can lose traction/trust with a reader. in other words, a metaphor is a detour—but that detour better lead to discoveries that alter/amplify the meaning of what is already there, so that a reader sees you as a servant of possibility rather than someone trying to prove that they are a “writer.” One is performative, the other exploratory. In this way, the metaphor acts as a virtual medium, ejecting the text’s optical realism into an “elsewhere”. But this elsewhere should inform the original upon our return. otherwise the journey would feel like an ejection from a crash rather than a curated journey toward more complex meaning.

example:

“The road curves like a cat’s tail.”

This is a weak metaphor because the transforming image (tail) does not amplify/alter the original. The transfer of meaning flattens and dies. Logic is weak or moot: A cat’s tail does not really change the nature of the road. You can certainly add to this with a few more expository sentences which might rescue the logic—but by then you’re just doing cpr on your metaphor.

Sensory, too, is weak: a cat’s tail has little optical resemblance to a road other than being curved (roads are not furry, for one.)

So this is 0 for 2 and should be scrapped. (Just my opinion though! Not a rule!)

okay so what about:

“The road runs between two groves of pine, like the first stroke of a buzzcut.”

this is better. the optical sensory of the transforming image (a clipper thru a head of hair) matches well with the original.

but the logic feels arbitrary. again it doesn’t substantially alter the original.

in the end this is just an “interesting image” but not strong enough to keep I’d say.

Now here’s one from Sharon Olds:

“The hair on my father’s arms like blades of molasses.”

Sensory connector: check. A man’s dark hair indeed can look like blades (also suggestive of grass) of molasses.

Logical connector: check. the father is both sharp and sweet. Something once soft and sticky about him (connotations of youth) sweets, has now hardened the confection no longer fresh etc.

It’s an ambitious metaphor that is packed with resonance. In other words, it does worlds of work and actually deepens the more you dit with it. A metaphor that actually invites you to put the book down, think on it, absorb it, before returning. a good metaphor uses detours to add power to the text. poor metaphors distract you from the text and leave you bereft, laid to the side.

lastly, the prior examples are technically “similes” but I believe similes reside under the umbrella of metaphor. although a simile is a demarcation, ie: this is “like” that. but this is “not”, ontologically, that.

however, I think something happens in the act of reading wherein we collapse the “bridge” and the mind automatically forges synergy between the two images, so that all similes, once read, “act” like metaphors in the mind.

but again this is all subjective. you might have a better way of going about it.

Another very ambitious metaphor is this one from Eduardo C. Corral:

“Moss intensifies up the tree, like applause.”

This is a masterful metaphor, risky and requires a lot of faith, restraint, and experience to pull it off.

Difficult mainly because we now see a surrealist “distortion” of the sensory realm: origin IMAGE (moss) is paired with transforming SOUND (applause).

There is now a leap in comparable elements. But the adherence to our two vital factors are still present.

Sensory: moss, though silent, grows slowly (the word “intensifies” does major work here becuz it foreshadows the transforming element). Applause, too, grows gradually, before dying down.

Logic: the growth of the moss suggests spring, lushness, life, resilience, and connotes anticipatory hope, much like applause. In turn, applause modifies the nature of moss and imbues, at least this moss, with a sense of accomplishment, closure, it’s refreshment a cause for celebration.

God I love words.

~

I’ve gotten so many responses from folks the past few days asking for a deeper dive into my personal theory on metaphor.

So I'm taking a moment here to do a more in-depth mini essay since my answer to the Q/A the other day was off the cuff (I was typing while walking to my haircut appointment).

What I’m proposing, of course, is merely a THEORY, not a gospel, so please take whatever is useful to you and ignore what isn’t.

This essay will be in 25 slides. I will save this in my IG highlights after 24 hrs.

Before I begin I want to encourage everyone to forge your own theories and praxi for your work, especially if you’re a BIPOC artist.

Often, we are perceived by established powers as merely “performers,” suitable for a (brief) stint on stage—but not thinkers and creators with our own autonomy, intelligence, and capacity to question the framework in our fields.

It is not lost on me, as a yellow body in America, with the false connotations therein, where I’m often seen as diminutive, quiet, accommodating, agreeable, submissive, that I am not expected to think against the grain, to have my own theories on how I practice my art and my life.

I became a writer knowing I am entering a field (fine arts) where there are few faces like my own (and with many missing), a field where we are expected to succeed only when we pick up a violin or a cello in order to serve Euro-Centric “masterpieces.”

For so long, to be an Asian American “prodigy” in art was to be a fine-tuned instrument for Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven.

It is no surprise, then, that if you, as a BIPOC artist, dare to come up with your own ideas, to say “no” to what they shove/have been shoving down your throat for so long, you will be infantilized, seen as foolish, moronic, stupid, disobedient, uneducated, and untamed.

Because it means the instrument that was once in the service of their “work” has now begun to speak, has decided, despite being inconceivable to them, to sing its own songs.

I want you, I need you, to sing with me. I want to hear what you sound like when it’s just us, and you sound so much like yourself that I recognize you even in the darkest rooms, even when I recognize nothing else. And I know your name is “little brother” or “big sister,” or “light bean,” or “my-echo-returned-to-me-intact.” And I smile.

In the dark I smile.

Art has no rules—yes—but it does have methods, which vary for each individual. The following are some of my own methods and how I came to them.

I’m very happy ya’ll are so into figurative language! It’s my favorite literary device because it reveals a second IDEA behind an object or abstraction via comparison.

When done well, it creates what I call the “DNA of seeing.” That is, a strong metaphor “Greek for “to carry over”) can enact the autobiography of sight. For example, what does it say about a person who sees the stars in the night sky—as exit wounds?

What does it say about their history, their worldview, their relationship to beauty and violence? All this can be garnered in the metaphor itself—without context—when the comparative elements have strong multifaceted bonds.

How we see the world reveals who we are. And metaphors explicate that sight.

My personal feeling is that the strongest metaphors do not require context for clarity. However, this does not mean that weaker metaphors that DO require context are useless or wrong.

Weak metaphors use context to achieve CLARITY.

Strong metaphors use context to SUPPORT what’s already clear.

BOTH are viable in ANY literary text.

But for the sake of this deeper exploration into metaphors and their gradients, I will attempt to identify the latter.

I feel it is important for a writer to understand the STRENGTHS of the devices they use, even when WEAKER versions of said devices can achieve the same goal via different means.

Sometimes we want a life raft, sometimes we want a steam boat—but we should know which is which (for us).

My focus then, will be specifically the ornamental or overt metaphor. That is, metaphors that occur inside the line—as opposed to conceptual, thematic, extended metaphors, or Homeric simile (which is a whole different animal).

My thinking here begins with the (debated) theory that similes reside under metaphors. That is, (non-Homeric) similes, behave cognitively, like metaphors.

This DOES NOT mean that similes do not matter (far from it), as we’ll see later on, but that the compared elements, once read, begin to merge in the mind, resulting in a metaphoric OCCURRENCE via a simileac vehicle.

This thinking is not entirely my own, but one informed by my interest in Phenomenology. Founded by Edmund Husserl in the early 20th century and later expanded by Heidegger, Phenomenology is, in short, interested in how objects or phenomena are perceived in the mind, which renewed interest in subjectivity across Europe, as opposed to the Enlightenment’s quest for ultimate, finite truths.

By the time Husserl “discovered” this, however, Tibetan Buddhists scholars have already been practicing Phenomenology as something called Lojong, or “mind training,” for over half a millennia.

Whereas Husserl believes, in part, that a finite truth does exist but that the myopic nature of human perception hinders us from seeing all of it, Tibetan Lojong purports that no finite “truth” exists at all.

In Lojong, the world and its objects are pure perception. That is, a fly looks at a tree and sees, due to its compound eyes, hundreds of trees, while we see only one. For Buddhists, neither fly nor human is “correct” because a fixed truth is not present. Reality is only real according to one’s bodily medium.

I’m keenly interested in Lojong’s approach because it inheritably advocates for an anti-colonial gaze of the world. If objects in the real are not tenable, there is no reason they should be captured, conquered or pillaged.

In other words, we are in a “simulation” and because there is no true gain in acquiring something that is only an illusion, it is better to observe and learn from phenomena as guests passing through this world with respect to things—rather than to possess them.

The reason I bring this up is because Buddhist philosophy is the main influence of 8th century Chinese and 15th-17th century Japanese poetics, which fundamentally inform my understanding of metaphor.

While I appreciate Aristotle’s take on metaphor and rhetoric in his Poetics, particularly his thesis that strong metaphors move from species to genus, it is not a robust influence on my thinking.

After all, like sex and water, metaphors have been enjoyed by humans across the world long before Aristotle-- and evidently long after. In fact, Buddhist teachings, which widely employ metaphor and analogy, predates Aristotle by roughly 150 years.

Now, to better see how Buddhist Phenomenology informs the transformation of images into metaphor, let’s look at this poem by Moritake.

“The fallen blossom flies back to its branch. No, a butterfly.”

When considering (western-dominated) discourse surrounding analogues using “like” or “is”, is this image a metaphor or a simile?

It is technically neither. The construction of this poem does not employ metaphor or simile.

And yet, to my eye, a metaphor, although not present, does indeed HAPPEN.

What’s more, the poem, which is essentially a single metaphor, is complete.

No further context is needed for its clarity. If context is needed for a metaphor, then the metaphor is (IMO) weak—but that doesn’t mean the writing, as a whole, is bad. Weak metaphors and good context bring us home safe and sound.

Okay, so what is happening here?

By the time I read “butterfly,” my mind corrects the blossom so that the latter image retroactively changes/informs the former. We see the blossom float up, then re-see it as a butterfly. The metaphoric figuration is complete with or without “like” or “is.”

Buddhism explains this by saying that, although a text IS thought, it does not THINK. We, the readers, must think upon it. The text, then, only curates thinking.

Words, in this way, begin on the page but LIVE in the mind which, due to limited and subjective scope of human perception, shift seemingly fixed elements into something entirely new.

The key here is proximity. Similes provide buffers to mediate impact between two elements, but they do not rule over how images coincide upon reading. One the page, text is fossil; in the mind, text is life.

Nearly 5000 years after Maritake, Ezra Pound, via Fenolosa, reads Maritake’s poem and writes what becomes the seminal poem on Imagism in 1912, which was subsequently highly influential to early Modernists:

“The apparition of these faces in the crowd: Petals on a wet, black bough.”

Like Maritake, Pound’s poem technically has no metaphor or simile. However, he adds the vital colon after “crowd,” which arguably works as an “equal sign”, thereby implying metaphor. But the reason why he did not use “are” or “is” is telling.

Pound understood, like Maritake, that the metaphor would occur in the mind, regardless of connecting verbiage due to the images’ close proximity. We would come to know this as “association.”

Even if the colon was replaced by the word “like,” the transformation, though a bit slower, would still occur.

In fact, when I first studied Pound years ago, I had trouble recalling whether this poem was fashioned as a simile or not—mainly because the faces change to fully into blossoms each time I try to recall the poem.

Now, let’s look at a simile that, to me, metaphorizes in the same way as the examples above, in the line we saw before from Eduardo C. Corral:

“Jade moss on the tree intensifies, like applause.”

The origin/tenor image (moss) is connected to the transforming element (applause). This metaphor suggests, not an optical relationship, but a BEHAVIORAL one.

Both moss and applause are MASSES that accumulate via singularities: grains of moss and pairs of hands clapping to form a larger whole.

By comparing these two, Corral successfully suggests that moss grows at the RATE of applause, creating a masterful time lapse effect. Applause speeds up the moss growth, connoting rejuvenation, joy and refreshment. That something as mundane as moss deserves, even earns, jubilance, also offers a potent statement of alterity, that the smallest flourishing deserves celebration, which in turn suggests a subtle yet powerful political critique of hegemony.

The poet, through the metaphor, has recalibrated the traditional modes of value placed on the object (moss).

And no other context is needed for that.

You might disagree, but when I read Corral’s line, I don’t SEE an audience clapping BESIDE the moss. I see moss growing quickly to the sound of clapping. Although the simile is employed, the fusion of both elements completes the action in my mind’s eye.

Like Maritake and Pound, metaphor has OCCURRED here—but without “metaphor”.

HOWEVER, the simile is still VITAL. Why?

Because the transforming element is abstract (applause) and looks nothing like moss. We don’t want moss to BE applause, we want the nature of applause to inform, imbue, moss.

The line, I feel, would be quite poor if it was formed sans simile:

“Jade moss is applause on the tree.”

The “is” forces transposition, which is here akin to slamming two things together without mediation. We also lose the comparison of behavior, and are asked to see that moss BECOME applause, which doesn’t have the same meaning as the original.

So, although the simile fuses into metaphor (via association) in the mind, such a metaphor would NOT have been possible without the simile.

Similes matter greatly—as tools towards metaphor. Why?

Because (thank god) our minds are free to roam.

To summarize, one of the central strategies (and, to an extent, purposes) of the Japanese Haiku is to juxtapose two elements to test their synergy. This impulse is grounded in Shinto and Buddhist concepts of impermanence and structural malleability. That is, all things, even ideas and images, are subject to constant change—and such change is the most pervasive nature of perception.

The Haiku then becomes the perfect medium to test such changes. This principle is of central importance to me because it is rooted in non-dualistic (or non-binary) thinking.

The poem becomes the theatre in which fixed elements can be transformed, their borders subject to being dissolved, shifting towards something entirely new—to “create”, which is the Greek root to the word “poet.” The metaphor, then, is more like a chemical, whose elements (like hydrogen and oxygen), placed side by side, becomes water.

In this way, Buddhism’s influence on my work and, specifically, my use and understanding of metaphor, is a foundational QUEER praxis for alterity.

The reason why I emphasize the malleability of simile’s impact is that, although syntax and diction can aide a metaphor towards its more luminous embodiment, the ultimate key to its success is you, the observer.

YOU have look deeply and find lasting relationships between things in a disparate world.

In this sense, the practice of metaphor is also, I believe, the practice of compassion. How do I study a thing so that I might add to its life by introducing it to something else?

At its best, the metaphor is what we, as a species, have always done, at OUR best: which is to point at something or someone so different from us, so far from our own origins and say, “Yes, there IS a bond between us. And if I work long enough, hard enough, I can prove it to you—with this thing called language, this thing that weighs nothing but means everything to me.”

In the end, it is less about how you set up your metaphors (you will eventually find a way that suits it and you) but more about how you recognize your world. THAT is not easy to teach—it comes with patient practice, with a committed wonder for a world that at times might be too painful to look at. But you must and you should.

Good metaphors, in the end, come from writers who are committed to looking beyond what is already there, towards another possibility.

This calls that you see your life and your work as inexhaustible sites of discovery, and that you tend to them with care.

That’s it. That’s the true secret to a strong metaphor: care.

Lastly, I want to recommend the work of BIPOC poet and theorist, Thylias Moss, who discovered the Limited Fork Theory, a theory which suggests that the mind engages with the world, and especially with ideas, including text and art, the way the tines of a fork engage with a plate of food.

That is, only so much can be held on the work/mind with each attempt to consume, and that no “work” can be possessed in its entirety, which I find happily congruent with Lojong.

What a wonderful anti-imperialist and forgiving way to engage with our planet and its phenomena. Thank you, Mrs. Moss!

And thank YOU for sticking around through my little seminar.

I hope this has been helpful. Again, this is just my 2(5) cents! Now I’m going to sleep for four days.

In the meantime, me-ta-phors be with you.

—O

[mkstrigidae]

Okay so I'm making my way through your masterlist and I'm in love?? Like let's start off with Winter's Child- a masterpiece. You make Sansa a loving and relatable character and interweave the powers into cannon in a way that actually makes cannon make more sense (preconceived biases and such). Jon and Sansa's relationship is SO SWEET and they way they bonded was absolutely adorable (and the backstory with the houses and the powers they have make so much sense) 1/3

(2/3) Neon Rain literally the best Cyberpunk AU! I've ever read. Like what you did with the world building?? The stark class differences (haha see what I did there?), the choices in SOUND, and I could FEEL myself there! I love the family dynamics between the Starks and I'm loving the little details you're dropping with the Greyjoy's , Jon's parentage, and all of the medical procedures. Jon is dramatic af and I love it and Sansa is a bamf AS SHE SHOULD. Nothing but love for this

(3/3) A Past Worth Having has a special place in my heart. You build up this setting like a tapestry, just seeing more richness and depth the longer you look. I'm proud of Sansa for holding her composure, just FEELING in the angst that the older Starks feel at her return, and loving the relationships with Robin and the rest of the Starks + Jon Arryn. The detail that you're putting into the investigation/Oberyn is awe inspiring and I can't wait to see what you do next with the trial + Jonsa

Haha thank you so much!!! This is such a sweet ask to get! My response is under a cut, because this might get kind of long! (lots of my own meta below, bc i accidentally had a lot to say, haha)

With ‘Winter’s Child’ I’ve really enjoyed weaving in fantasy elements to the world because I like to look at stories and pick at loose threads until they unravel and asking ‘what if?’. I thought it would be a super interesting concept to take a character like Sansa, who in ASOIAF is exactly what she is supposed to be as a noblewoman of her class and conforms very well in that role, and put her in a position where she was essentially a societal outcast in a lot of ways! In WC, Sansa has a lot of similar coping mechanisms to ASOIAF Sansa, in that she sort of romanticizes society to avoid thinking about how absolutely awful it is. In ASOIAF, Sansa holds tight to the notion of knights and chivalry and courtly love to cope with the fact that she essentially has no control over her future and, as a woman, is basically property. In WC, I have her really struggling to make herself into that perfect lady and using that as a sort of shield to the fact that, without a gift, there isn’t anything she can do to improve her lot in life. Sansa has these ideas about becoming a perfect lady and hoping that being perfect in other areas will ‘make up’ for what society perceives as deficient about her, but is more jaded than ASOIAF Sansa due to her age and her earlier exposure to the ills of society. So you get a Sansa who gets along better with Arya and Jon as a result, in part because she’s had that exposure to what it’s like to be an outcast in society. I think that the best fantasy has a really strong emotional backdrop (a really great example is ‘Fruits Basket’ which starts by hooking you with this wacky, fun premise about people in a family turning into animals when hugged by a member of the opposite sex, and slowly builds into a point where you can see that the family ‘curse’ is a representation of generational and familial abuse- of bonds that should be broken, and of bonds that may kill us even as we cling to them- it’s extremely complex and rich and if you haven’t read or watched it, I can’t recommend it highly enough), and so while I really love writing about the fantasy aspects, and writing scenes where Sansa does really cool things with her ice powers, the core of the story is really about Sansa coming into her own, and learning that she was a person who was worth something even without any sort of gift. Sort of overcoming societal stigma and realizing your worth and forcing others to see it. It’s so much fun to write, but i’m stuck at the moment, because i need to reread the books, and my roommate is borrowing them right now haha!

God, APWH is like, indulging my inner world-building suspense-narrative loving writer persona. It’s literally my all time favorite trope- which is of someone growing up to find out that they’re a long-lost somebody or have family they never knew about- combined with a lot of research on trauma (which i’ve been doing for academic and other reasons for a while) and a lot of slowly growing psychological horror courtesy of Petyr Baelish (trust me, it’s going to get WAY more intense). There are so many pieces of media that I love, but I think that GRRM has so many characters and such a well fleshed out world that it’s very fun to dive into his worlds and create something there. Inherently, I love a slowly unraveling mystery and morally gray characters, and this is allowing me to indulge in both!!! World-building is my favorite, because i tend to be fairly detail oriented, and i’ve been laying bread crumbs in so many places throughout the story to hopefully build up to a decent conclusion! I know sort of how it ends, and I think people are going to absolutely lose their minds if I execute it correctly. We have a few chapters to go until we get to anything in the semblance of a trial- there’s some more emotional aspects that I think need to get addressed first, and so I’m so grateful that people are so supportive of being willing to wait for the Jonsa, because they really start spending a lot of time with each other during the trial and prior to the trial (i’m a big believer in bonding via long car rides and so there’s a lot of that!). I’m just so humbled and awed by the response to it- I never dreamed that people would enjoy the story this much- when I started it, I was writing a light-hearted family piece that wouldn’t be too long, and, uh, it kind of evolved from there. Clearly, I am not good at keeping things concise haha.

I left Neon Rain for last, because your comments on this one really made me smile! Of all of my stories, oddly enough, Neon Rain is actually the most deeply personal for me, and I’m just so flattered at your kind words! I spend a lot of my time thinking about the flaws inherent in our society, and without getting too detailed, Sansa’s experience with a family member struggling in the medical system is not unfamiliar to me. There’s a weight that comes with the realization that a system that is supposed to care for people is based on capitalistic ideals of profit maximization, and as someone who has experience working in the healthcare system- no matter how bad you think it is in the US, I can promise you it’s actually worse.

Neon Rain actually just started out as a series of mental images from listening to music that I had to get down on paper, and evolved from there. I actually really love the ‘soulmates’ and ‘class differences’ and ‘mastermind art thief’ tropes, but am incapable of writing fun stories without thinking about the reality of those tropes (see APWH for another extreme example of this haha), and so as I was writing and trying to capture this mental image, the rest of the world began unfolding around me. Jon is different because of a different upbringing here, and so is Sansa, and to see the formerly idealistic Sansa become so jaded by the time she meets her soulmate is just catnip for me. You have this interesting dynamic between them, because Jon wants nothing more than to have Sansa in his life, and give her everything she wants and needs, but where the old Sansa (who was arguably middle-class and somewhat naive, as financially secure teenagers understandably tend to be) would have swooned over that, the Sansa who meets Jon when the story begins is seeing the world and all the unfair and unequal systems in it. She can’t just live happily ever after with him right away- there’s a sense of guilt there, of sansa not feeling like she deserves nice things, and there’s also Sansa’s deep sense of compassion and kindness that won’t allow her to just live life as the well taken-care-of girlfriend of a wealthy man, because she isn’t able to just put on blinders and pretend that all the injustice in the world around her doesn’t exist, simply because it wouldn’t affect her that way anymore.

I think that the core to writing Sansa, for me, in any universe, is that she is a kind and compassionate person who is capable of feeling sympathy towards even the people who have done horrific things to her and her family- that emotional awareness and empathy is a harsh thing to have in a world like Neon Rain, and in our own world, honestly. I’m so glad that you appreciate Sansa’s BAMF-ness in the story- I think that her chapters demonstrate that she is capable of doing extraordinary things when she’s doing them for people she cares for, to be kind (The scene where Alayne helps Robin down from the eyrie is most indicative of this I think), and so in this world, I just love having Sansa be a complete badass out of necessity. Also, it’s fanfiction, and I really wanted to give Sansa a cool motorcyle, because no one else was gonna do it!!!

Also, my characters like to run away with me, and before I knew it, Rodrik Greyjoy had a huge adorable crush on Sansa in the story that I immensely enjoy writing. The Greyjoys are fun because they’re all absolutely insane, and i’m a total sucker for ‘gruff dangerous character is completely a sucker for the kind sunshine-y character’ trope.

God, this accidentally got really long??? I’m sorry- thank you so much for such a kind ask!!! I love hearing what people think of my stories, and this was so sweet :)

[eddie-redmayne-italian-blog]

Eddie's interview from Style Magazine

By Valentina Ravizza

Photo: Boo George

Styling by Fabio Immediato.

Translate by me from Italian to English

HE WOULD HAVE had to spend the holiday in Italy,” I have a real obsession for your country “,Eddie Redmayne responds from a gray London,” more suited to my pale complexion”, and tells for the first time (and I try to collect my own thoughts) of his next character, the American activist Tom Hayden, protagonist of the protests against the Vietnam war in 1968 and 77e trial of the Chicago 7, the new film by Aaron Sorkin, arriving on Netflix from October 16. "Democracy is something extraordinarily beautiful and complex, nothing comes easily, we must defend our freedoms if we don't want them to be taken away from us."

 It can be risky for an actor to take a public position, Aren't you afraid to undermine your popularity?

“The truth is, I'm not afraid to take sides, we all should. I feel a social responsibility as a human being: today more than ever we should ask politicians certain questions. I'm not one who particularly likes to take risks unless it's for something I deeply believe in.”

For exemple?

To play Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything I met several people affected  by ALS and doctors who helped me to learn more about the disease, and now I am among the supporters of the Motor Neurone Disease Association. During the lockdown in Britain was made a list of  vulnerable people  and I found it shocking that patients with  motor neuron disease were not part of it, so I spoke to several politicians and went to help them.  As an actor my voice has more chances to be heard and I can bring  more light on this topics, I have to do it.

Also politicians as in the case of The Trial of Chicago 7?

This film tells how we got rights by changing wrong laws and remember  that progress could have gone in one direction rather than another.

Is there any similarity between the protests of the 1960s and those of movements such as Black Lives Matter ?

There are moments in history when people ask for society to really represent them and that's exactly what happened then and what many people are doing in these months. The demonstrations mentioned in the movie were against the  Vietnam  war, but also supported the claims  of the civil rights and feminist movements, the one against which they are protesting today has it’s roots in systemic racism, so the similarities are many.And there are also several other parallels between the two political situations: at the 1968 Democratic convention there was a former vice president, Hubert H. Humphrey, right-hand man of Lyndon Johnson, who ran for the White House, as today  former Vice President Joe Biden is in running, and  there was a Republican candidate for president who was betting  for “law and order” , then it was Richard Nixon, now the same campaign is being carried out by Donald Trump.

 Today there is social media, what would have happened if Tom Hayden and the others from Chicago had it?

Hard to say, myself I don't use them . While they represent a great tool of democracy that gives everyone a voice from the shore to  power, they also contribute to exacerbate and amplify the falsehoods and prejudices of those who listen only to what they want to hear, in a sort of echo chamber, and they can be used to manipulate things in a very pervasive way.

Is it more difficult to play a figure you esteem like Hayden or one you despise?

I try not to judge, to dissociate my sense of reality to recreate hers. I do as much research as possible, accumulating a lot of information and then throwing everything away and play  only  what's in the script, hoping that all the prep work has been absorbed somehow into my body, And knowing that that movie will never be. a documentary: I am creating a painting, not a photograph. For this I must accept that I will never be able to be exactly that person, that in something I will necessarily fail.

And when the character is a pure author’s Fantasy product?

It’s like when you were told at school to make  a free written essay: I hated it, I said “please, give me a lead!”, In these cases I try first of all to understand what the boundaries are, to find some elements of truth: for example, in the saga of the Fantastic Beasts to become the "Magizoologist" Newt Scamander I started by observing the work of zoologists.

How is it divided between entertainment and committed movies?

In my choices I have always let myself be guided by instinct: I read a script that my body reacts, I get excited, I laugh, I am touched to the point of  seeing myself in the role of that and than understand that I really have to do it.

Did the same happen with Tom Hayden?

They first  told me about it three years ago while  I was on vacation in Morocco, when told me it was Sorkin who wanted me it was like a dream come true. I read the script and  it not only ran , but it had a kind of syncopated rhythm I immediately loved it. Then when I got better informed about the project, I found out that it had been written years ago and I couldn't believe  he hadn't seen the light yet.

In fact, the first draft is from 2007.

We wondered if this movie had an audience, if it was current enough.Instead with what’s going it has become more and more pressing 

So much so that in order to release it this year, given the health emergency Paramount Pictures has decided to sell the film to Netflix (56 millions of dollars) to be distributed directly via streaming.

There could be no better way than Netflix to reach as many people as possible. And I say this as a passionate cinemas’  lover . Unfortunately in the last 20 years I have witnessed a general loss of attention span: there is always a new story to know, we are constantly being pulled in different directions, and instead find ourselves in a cinema hall being forced to sit there for two  hours and  half even when our attention tries to escape, it’s a kind of pleasant claustrophobia.

And theater, is  it still part of your life?

I know that  more years go by without me returning to the stage  more what I’ll say l’ll sound insincere, but yes, my career started from there, I spent 5 o 6 years working in London theaters. I knew almost nothing about cinema until that world began to open its doors to me, I had to learn a lot on the set.  I’ve been looking for a theatrical project, but so far  what has been proposed to me are works by the greatest authors, and instead I’d like do something new, fresh. Maybe I found it, but  I still can't say anything.

Have you ever thought of letting yourself be taken one day by another passion besides acting?

My other great love is art,  but if I ever have to work on it, I imagine myself more as a curator than as a co-worker. But I honestly think that being an actor is extraordinary: whatever part you encounter on your path continues to grow:although sure it’s a wild life and it's a drug.

 Are you a workaholic?

In the beginning I was because I had no alternative: I was constantly auditioning and once I got a part  immediately got to work, Until in this unfair world of acting there came a moment when I was suddenly successful and overnight I finally had the opportunity to choose. Many people are looking forward to retirement, I hope I’m offered roles even when I’m 80 years old.

At that age maybe you will also be behind the camera?

I'm a bit of a control freak,so yes, I could potentially one day  go directing, even just out of curiosity  But only if I had to find the right project, something in which I feel safe,

[paintedrecs]

Helloo i saw a tweet you made saying you recently watched a bunch of gay animes and i was wondering if you could perhaps make a list and post them on twitter? I'm always looking for anime to watch and i know your tastes align with mine. If it isn't too much of a bother perhaps? I hope you have loveky days!!!❤❤❤❤

Hey friend! I put off answering this, sorry, because my answers tend to be unnecessarily long and I was v tired when I got the original message. But if you’re still interested, here’s a lil rundown of some of what I’ve been watching/reading. In reference to this tweet, where I was watching a show that definitely isn’t gay but is kinda gay if you just squint the tiniest bit, which I’ve gotten used to doing.

If you follow me on twitter, most of these proooobably won’t be new? But I talk about/RT things on a scattered basis, so maybe there are some you haven’t checked out yet. 

So, the canonical gay! I’m only going to list the ones I liked and/or remember most - my Quest For Gay Anime started two years ago, and I watched pretty much everything I could get my hands on, but at that point, there were only a few I loved enough to rewatch/buy/recommend. The list has gotten a little longer since then, unfortunately for my attention span and wallet.

(I’ll be honest, a lot of the really popular/older BL have too many consent issues for my tastes - I understand the context and all that, and no hate on anyone who loves stories that didn’t particularly appeal to me. But I’m including this note cause (a) if I don’t put a really well-known BL anime on this list that’s probably why (b) I’m gonna drop in a few that toe that line but I’ll try to include warnings where relevant.)

ANIME FAVES

DOUKYUSEI (Classmates)

This is kinda where it all started. I saw a tweet going around with a trailer for a very soft, lovely movie about two boys falling in love, and I thought whaaaaat an actual gay story? Where they kiss? And I don’t have to just imagine it??

Still one of my top faves. It’s beautifully animated - like filming watercolors? It always makes me feel languid and happy. The story and characters are realistic, in a very kind, hopeful way, as these two navigate starting a relationship that neither of them expected. It’s available on Amazon video - I own a digital copy there, hah, as well as the physical blu-ray, because I watch it often enough to want both.

I also recommend the manga, although I’ve only recently discovered that apparently the story did not end after the first three volumes, so I can only recommend that far. (I’ve heard it, unfortunately, gets angstier, and it’s still incomplete? The first three volumes feel complete to me, so I’m happy to leave it there if so.) 

The movie pretty much covers the first manga volume - it’s a very accurate page-to-screen translation - and there’s some really wonderful relationship building and exploration of family dynamics in the next two volumes.

HITORIJIME MY HERO (My Very Own Hero)

Another huge favorite that I have literally watched like 30 times at this point. Two gay couples, double the fun, although this pairing is by far my favorite.

I’ll direct you to my very long post on this topic for more information, but the short version is:

Warning: there is an age gap and student/teacher relationship, but it’s treated very thoughtfully and is directly addressed as part of the story. They have to navigate through how to make their relationship work (issues with friends, coworkers, society). And they didn’t meet as student/teacher - it’s a lot more complicated, with some fantastic family dynamics. There’s a lot of angst to Setagawa’s backstory that makes you really appreciate the happiness and love he finds with Kousuke & his whole family. (Many more details in my watch-this-anime post.)

The series is 12 episodes long, with a WONDERFUL (happy) ending that makes me cry LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE TIME. Gosh I love this show a lot. It packs some serious feels - I cry, I laugh, I cry again, but for happy reasons.

It’s from a manga, but I do not recommend the manga. The manga falls into a lot of the tropes that I personally don’t like; I think the anime does a much better job of tackling the complexity of their story and treating these two with the thoughtful nuance they deserve.

Can be found on Amazon; I bought the blu-ray, and it’s one of the exceedingly rare cases where I love both the sub and the dub. There are slight differences in translation that really makes it worth watching both.

GIVEN

Wow, this one. Available on Crunchyroll, 11 episodes with a movie coming soon.

It’s newer to my list, and it’s really, really good. I’ve only read the first two volumes of the manga so far (with two more on preorder), because tbh I have trouble reading scanlations online and find it a lot more enjoyable to just wait for the official translations in paperback form.

So far the anime lines up pretty closely with the manga, so I do recommend both, although at this point I enjoy the anime more - partly because of some of the choices they make in rearranging/expanding scenes, and partly because it’s a story about a band, so it makes a huge difference to be able to actually hear the music.

And Mafuyu’s song is worth it. Wow. I listened to it on repeat for like two weeks after the episode first aired.

Uenoyama (the dark-haired stern-looking heart-of-gold character, I have a type), is my favorite. He is a MASSIVE disaster gay, and a lot of his scenes are absolutely hilarious. The dynamics between the characters aren’t what you’d expect - it’s amazing to watch the seemingly quiet Mafuyu come out of his shell and display his true personality - and there’s some really gritty, emotional material, too.

What’s fascinating about this one is that there are parallel stories going on about past loves and heartbreak, and how truly loving (and losing) someone doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness again.

(Warning and a spoiler: there is a suicide that happens before this story starts - Mafuyu’s ex-boyfriend - and while nothing about it is graphic, that event is central to Mafuyu’s story, so there are some weighty episodes. It ultimately leads to him meeting Uenoyama and joining the band. And finding himself again.) 

The movie’s gonna focus more on the secondary couple, but I’m still excited to see more of them! And...more angst, I imagine, but hopefully a lot more happiness as well.

SARAZANMAI

Okay, fair warning: this show is weird.

I think if you’re familiar with Japanese folklore, particularly kappas, you might have a much better intro than I did, but considering the creator laughed about how much they got away with by hiding the weirder parts of the story during the initial pitch, I...am not sure about that.

It’s weird but I liked it a lot. I’m not even going to attempt to explain it in the space available here, but the wiki page has a decent summary if you’re curious before diving in.

The very, very condensed version is that the main characters are three middle school boys who get turned into kappas by the kappa prince, who sends them on missions to retrieve “dishes of hope” every episode. In the process, they learn more about themselves and each other, since each time they complete one of these missions, it results in one of their big secrets being spilled to the others.

I like the main trio (and there’s a gay subplot there, too, where one of the boys is in love with his best friend but doesn’t know how to tell him), but I started watching the show because of the “villains,” Reo and Mabu. They have a deeply angsty backstory that you don’t get to until the last couple episodes. Up until then, they have a transformation sequence every episode that ... yes, gets repetitive, Miraculous Ladybug-style, but I still sat and watched, entranced, every time.

One of the things I like about this anime is that while it is very, very gay, it’s not about being gay. It’s a fantasy story where several characters just happen to be gay. As much as I love romance (which the rest of these recs definitely have been), I like being able to see gay people (or kappas...) in different genres, just existing.

And if you can’t get into the show (11 episodes, available on Crunchyroll), there’s a spinoff manga about Reo and Mabu being disaster dads to a baby girl they find on a dish in the middle of the street. I think it’s a human AU (kinda?), but it’s super sweet and funny and I liked it a lot.

THE BETRAYAL KNOWS MY NAME

Okay, so this was an early favorite, and I rewatched it recently and laughed a lot about how massively dramatic it is, but I don’t care, I’m still into it.

We’re skirting the edge of “canon gay” here, because you never get an on-screen kiss, and it’s technically a shoujo manga. But...it was at the top of a lot of BL lists when I was first hunting for good stuff to watch, and the relationship between Yuki and Luka is deeply romantic (and achingly piningly good) and central to the story.

The title’s linked to one of Luka’s frequent lines: “I will never betray you,” which he earnestly tells Yuki at every opportunity he gets. Luka is an extremely powerful demon, and Yuki is part of an immortal (via reincarnation) clan that hunts demons. But in Yuki’s past life, they fell in love.

Yuki was, at that point and in previous lives, a woman, but something changed this time around: he was reborn as a man, and without any of his memories.

Luka, who waited for Yuki to be reincarnated so they could be together again, still remembers and still loves him. But he keeps his devotion on Yuki’s terms, refusing to force the memory of a relationship that Yuki might have wanted to forget.

There’s one particularly great scene where the leader of Yuki’s clan asks Luka if anything has changed - if they can still rely on Luka to stay by Yuki’s side and be his protector. “They have the same soul,” Luka says. Gender doesn’t matter. He loves Yuki. He’ll always love Yuki. 

And Yuki, though he doesn’t remember loving Luka, begins to slowly, inevitably, fall in love again.

The anime is 24 episodes - while it doesn’t fully close out the story, it does have some closure, or at least a solid sense of an upcoming happy ending. (I own the DVD; I don’t think the show is currently available to watch online.)

There’s also a manga, which is beautifully illustrated, wow, the sheer level of detail in this blows me away. Which, unfortunately, was way too much work to maintain at that level and ultimately destroyed the author’s health, so the last few volumes get shorter and shorter and the story trickles to an unsatisfying conclusion.

I still love it a lot, though, and it’s another example of establishing a great relationship within the context of a much larger story - a sweeping, complicated fantasy epic.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Those are my primary favorites, unless I’m forgetting anything (and for the purposes of this post, I’m leaving out things like Tiger & Bunny and Promare, which are very gay and embraced as such by the creators but also not something I’m comfortable including in a Definitely Canonically Gay, You Won’t Ever Be Disappointed By Future Reveals list). If I have the energy, I might make another post like this for those kinds of stories.

But there are a few others that I enjoyed, if not enough to buy copies of or collect merch for. These include:

No. 6

Dystopian, so definitely very dark and kind of visually disturbing in places (for instance, people rotting from mystery infections). There’s a central m/m romance and one kiss, but the ending is kind of an open one without a super happy conclusion. It doesn’t have high rewatch value for me - I’ve only ever watched it once and don’t really feel inclined to go back - but it's got good storytelling and is worth viewing. 

Kizuna Koi No Kara Sawagi (Much Ado About Nothing OVA)

That last bit of the title is important to get you to the correct OVA, since there are different variations of this story. It’s been a long time since I tried the main anime, but I did not like it - I had major issues with its story, particularly with the sexual assault plotline. I did, however, love the OVA and have recommended it to people as something that can be watched independently.

There's still a little dodgy content in it (as with a lot of things in the BL genre), but it's mostly a lovely established relationship story with a lot of bittersweet feels, with flashbacks to how the couple got together. 

It’s necessarily a "happy" story either, though, because they're in a loving, committed relationship in a society where they can't be open about that, and it takes a toll. They're doing their best to work through the difficulties together.

Ai no Kusabi 

SERIOUS WARNINGS FOR THIS ONE.

It's about a society with "Blondies" as the elite ruling class and dark-haired "Mongrels" from the slums. There's slavery, plus some serious sexual consent issues...which I found extra prevalent in the newer version (prettier animation but much more cringey on the content).

The 90s version has rougher animation but a more interesting story. The relationship is still not necessarily healthy, but it reads as a lot more of a forbidden love BDSM relationship.

Even so, the ending is SUPER unhappy. I cannot emphasize that enough. I was watching all these things on my own without any warnings, so this one hit me really hard, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for days after. I’m not sure if I'd watch it again, but I've had interesting conversations with others who did.

I guess what I liked about it is that it’s a very different kind of story - and like I said earlier, it’s nice to have variety in genres. As long as every story isn’t dark and tragic, it’s worthwhile to sometimes experience ones that are told well. And weirdly (since this is not something I would watch with my family) it reminded me to some extent of the movies I grew up with - the 80s and early 90s had a lot of dark sci-fi, and my family really loved watching them, so there’s something...nostalgic about how disturbing it is? Thanks parents. At least this one’s gay.

Gakuen Heaven

To pull us back from the darker content, here’s one that I guess was adapted from a dating computer game. As far as I can remember, it was pretty free of cw; fun but not as emotionally engaging as some of the others. It’s pretty much just a fluffy story about a boys’ school on an island with a mystery plot and a romance.

MANGA RECS

I sprinkled some manga recs alongside the relevant anime, but here are a few others that I’ve only experienced in book form. (I’ve got one on my nightstand right now that I need to read, but if it’s good I’ll just update this post I guess, I’ve put this reply off for long enough.)

OUR DINING TABLE

Unlike a lot of the other manga I’ve read, this is a single volume, which means it has a nice, solid conclusion that wraps everything up wonderfully and doesn’t leave you any room to worry that the author will insert unnecessary drama down the line. (That’s an issue, ok? It happens a lot.)

A very soft, sweet romance that’s actually a lot more about building family - which is something that hugely appeals to me. Highly recommend. Loved it, bought it, will definitely reread it. I’d love to see it eventually made into a movie, like Doukyusei.

MY BROTHER’S HUSBAND

This is a hefty book - I ordered it after seeing a joke-tweet about the live action adaptation (which I haven’t been able to find to watch online). I was surprised by the size of the book but even more (pleasantly!) surprised by its contents. I’m not familiar with the author’s other works, although I’ve heard this is the uh....softest and sweetest of his writing. It’s honestly way more uplifting and healing than I was expecting.

Again, it’s largely about family: a quiet, very private Japanese dad dealing with a visit from his deceased (estranged) twin’s extroverted and cheery Canadian husband. This could go down some very dark paths, but it really doesn’t...there are some smatterings of homophobia mixed in, since that’s sort of the point, but there’s a lot of wonderful self-discovery and building new family bonds.

OUR DREAMS AT DUSK

Oh man. This series. Irene Koh (Legend of Korra comics illustrator) recommended it on twitter, and I picked up the first volume from my library and then could not stop. All four volumes are now out in official translations, and they’re so, so good.

These are definitely on the more realistic side - less of an idealized, prejudice-free view of the world, with more of an accurate picture of what it’s like to be not-straight in Japan.

And I phrase it that way because there’s a lot of variety in the characters in these books. The main character is gay - just coming to terms with the fact that he is, because life would be so much easier if he didn’t have a crush on the hot guy at school.

Content warning: it gets so bad at school, in fact, that he starts out the book planning to commit suicide. It’s dark. But it gets much better, and by the final volume he’s grown so much in his confidence and sense of self-worth - because he becomes a part of a community of other people who teach him that it’s okay to be himself.

And all the other storylines are wonderful. Some of the other characters you get to know include a trans guy, an ace woman, two girls who (spoilers!) get married in the fourth volume, and a much older gay guy who’s been with his partner for several decades.

It’s not a fluffy story - there’s some really tough material throughout, and people aren’t always nice, even the ones you really, really want to be - but they also learn and work hard at communicating with each other. I think these are pretty extraordinary books. Beautiful and heartbreaking but also deeply affirming.

[zestria13]

Final Fantasy 15 Thoughts (Spoilers!)

So, I just finished playing Final Fantasy 15 Royal Edition and I have many feelings about it. As I understand it, I have avoided many of the basic gameplay and story problems by buying the Royal Edition, which has all of the patches, dlc's, and fixes many of the bugs encountered when FFXV first came out. Oh, and I have watched the brotherhood anime and the Kingsglaive movie. Overall, my first experience with FFXV is much more complete than it was when the game was initially released (that is my understanding anyways). To be clear, I enjoyed playing FFXV (at least a good portion of it), but I have many issues with it too. One of my main issues with FFXV is the plot, especially the plot following the rite in Altissia. I have read many complaints about how dark FFXV gets after this point and how it becomes a very narrow, plot driven narrative as opposed to its earlier more easygoing and open world setting. To some extent, I agree with these complaints. This change in the game feels very sudden and forced to some degree. However, I personally tend to play heavily narrative games because I like deep, complex plotlines. This turn into a plot driven narrative is not my main issue, though it was, in my opinion, too abrupt a change in the game. My main issue following the events in Altissia, simply, is that the game wasn't as much fun to play after that point. For a game promoting the concept of brotherhood and comradery, that pretty much disappeared after the events in Altissia. Don't get me wrong, I understand the events in Altissia were traumatic for all of the characters and that caused most of the tension, but it was like we were playing with a different group of characters than we started with. All of the comradery seen previously in the game, from the pep talks, to characters interactions, to the short quips in battle (My fav was between Noctis and Ignis, the "You got my back" and "Always" in reply) had created this atmosphere of a team, of a brotherhood that was connected not just by duty, but by genuine friendship. 

But then Altissia happens, and the group just...completely falls apart. There is such an emotional whiplash between the first part of the game and the second part of the game, and its jarring. I honestly felt uncomfortable playing the game after the events in Altissia because the atmosphere was tense and strained, and the comradery present in the first half of the game became nearly nonexistent. Frankly, the game never recovers from this mood shift, and the rest of the game has a sort of sullen, discomforting feel to it. And I know people would argue that the brotherhood comes back together at the end of the game, but I would argue that true reconciliation never happens between the characters, instead making their comradery at the end a byproduct of their circumstances. They never truly deal with the problems created by the events in Altissia and afterwards. They just push them aside because they need to do so in order to work as a team and save the world. Now, is it possible that the remaining trio living in darkness may have dealt with their issues and figured things out, but we wouldn't actually know because we aren't privy to anything that happens during those 10 years. Maybe the game wanted you to understand Noctis's perspective in this way (though they don't really touch on how incredibly disorienting that time skip must have been for Noctis). However, the point stands that there was never really time at any point in the rest of the game following Altissia for the group to reconcile and come back together as a cohesive unit.

That leads me to another huge issue I take with the plot of this game. The ending. I know, already, there are people who will comment and say that "Not everything has a happy ending" and "The sacrifice was necessary to save the world", and so on and so forth. My issue with the ending comes back to the question of why. Especially after having watched Episode Ardyn, I just don't feel that the game gives us a clear cut reason as to why any of the ending needs to happen the way it does. Ok, so the sun goes down and doesn't come up after Noctis is pulled into the Crystal, which means demons have pretty much free reign and everything is much more dangerous. Got it. But why did the sun disappear? I know the game explains that there are organisms infected with the Starscourge that release a light-absorbing miasma, which are the cause of the lengthening nights (though you need to be fairly thorough in your examination of items to learn this). It also mentions the idea that the Oracle dying is related to the longer nights and the disappearing sun, though it never really explains why besides the fact that the Oracle can heal the Starscourge. While I understand that her healing those with Starscourge helps to limit the amount of miasma being put into the world, it seems rather unlikely that one person can ever hope to keep up with that demand. Also, we only ever saw Luna heal people who had not fully turned into demons yet, and I would assume that those people aren't giving off the same level of miasma as fully turned demons. And, we know those fully turned demons exist, in the form of demons the party runs into and the MT's that the empire uses. I'm just not sure it is believable that the Oracle, by themselves, is actually healing enough people to actually prevent the endless night in the first place. As for the other part of the explanation, how did those organisms proliferate to the point where it caused an endless night? Based on what we hear from characters in FFXV and read in the research notes, the appearance of the longer nights was incredibly rapid, which begs the question of why those organisms suddenly started infecting creatures and producing this miasma so quickly in comparison to any other time in the history of this world (as far as we know). All in all, I can't think of a solid reason given in the game as to why the endless night even happens, or perhaps, why it hasn't happened already. 

Moving on, after Noctis is absorbed into the Crystal, we do a ten year time skip. Back to my question of why, why did Noctis have to be in the Crystal for 10 years? I know he went in to gain the power of providence, but 10 years seems a bit excessive. Maybe that’s just me. Ignoring the fact that almost all of the living things in the world would have died without 10 years of sunlight, the fact remains that, in all likelihood, most of the creatures living in that world would have perished, either by being killed by demons or due to a lack of resources. In all honesty, there probably aren't many people alive by the time Noctis returns, and it’s hard to say if a civilization would actually be able to recover from that kind of devastation. Anyways, let's move on to what is my biggest contention with the plot. The prophecy. I have to say, I really, really dislike this plot point in the game. For one, it makes no sense. The true king, in this story, exists to purge their star of the darkness. Ok, cool, love the vague terms. But again, why? The darkness, which basically refers to the Starscourge, has existed for at least 2000 years at this point in the world. If the gods were so invested in this issue, why didn't they address it earlier? Why wait for a so called chosen king after at least 2000 years of this darkness ravaging their world? And what makes Noctis the chosen king? Simply because the gods said so? If that is the case, why didn't they choose a chosen king earlier? I know, after watching Episode Ardyn, that Ardyn was also a chosen king with the ability to absorb Starscourge from other people into himself. An ability, I might add, granted to him by the gods. But when Ardyn tries to ascend to become a king, the Crystal, where Bahamut resides, suddenly rejects him because of his ability (which, again, was given to him by the gods), and so he is rejected basically by the gods via the gift they gave him. Which makes no sense. As we know, this action leads to the circumstances we see in the game. 

To me, at this point, it seems that the gods on Eos are incompetent and create this prophecy in order to fix the problem they created. This seems to become more glaringly obvious when Bahamut tells Ardyn (in Episode Ardyn) that he literally is a pawn in their game to fix the problem they created. At its core, that is what makes me so very frustrated with this prophecy plot line. It seems that the characters in this game are no more than pawns being made to do what the gods tell them to do, and that everything in this world is preordained. Not only does that rake against my own beliefs as an individual, but it ruins the purpose of the game for me. If everything is preordained, then what is the point? It also hurts my perception of the characters as well because the characters, except for Ardyn maybe, never think to go against the determinations made by the gods, they just go along with it. They never stop to consider trying to find another way and instead simply accept their fates as is. I understand there is something inherently powerful and moving in sacrificing yourself to save others, but making it fate instead of an active choice lessens the impact. Noctis doesn't choose to sacrifice himself to save Eos, it is forced upon him. There is no sense of choice here, merely one of acceptance. The cruelty of Noctis' preordained fate disturbs me. Not only is Noctis just randomly chosen to die to save the world, but the gods see fit to inform his father of that when Noctis is 5. I cannot truly imagine the depth of sorrow and helplessness probably felt by Regis in being told that his son is basically a sacrifice. Undoubtedly, knowing that weighed heavily on Regis and I'm sure at times that knowledge put a dour edge on his time with Noctis. One of the saddest things about Noctis' fate is how little time he actually gets to live. I know he is technically 30 at the time of his death, but he really only lived 20 years. Not only is his life cut short, but he actually loses a third of it in the process of becoming the ideal sacrifice for the gods. To me, Noctis' fate is just unbearably cruel. And don't misunderstand, I actually like games that have darker themes and angst in them, but I think there is a balance in crafting stories and this story didn't quite find a balance. And the thing is, I think the creators of the game have acknowledged that too, as they have now created 2 alternative storylines where Noctis doesn't die and his fate is subverted in some way. Personally, I prefer the message given in the Final Fantasy 7 remake where the characters actively fight against a pre-determined destiny, instead of simply accepting their destiny as is. I have more thoughts on the subject of Final Fantasy 15, but for the moment I will end my writing here.

[book-of-curse]

The Twin Peaks Guide to the Occult [3]

The Summoning of Spirits

Summoning is such a quintessential part of magick practice. This has been the case historically as well as currently. What is summoning? It is a particularly involved way of communicating with the self, and of picking and choosing aspects of our memory and personality that we then give animation to. We create a spirit within ourselves with these dimensions. The mind is incredible - particularly in its ability to model and to imagine. We are limited only by the boundaries of our imagination and memory.

Below is a method to summon entities. It is particularly easy to give animation to elements of our memory that we have a defined stereotype of. The characters of a show, people we know in person and have a long relationship with - drawing on our internal stereotypes of people we have a strong “sense” of is one of the easiest ways to develop an animate point of consciousness within our mind’s eye that can be talked to and influence our behavior in a way that feels abstracted from our main sense of self.

This can be used for many things. Gaining perspective. Modeling character interactions in a work of art - imagining and then modeling what will happen next in a story you are writing. The abstracted nature of these animate characters we can create in our mind lends themselves to spontaneous psychological effects and moments of inspiration - things that feel somewhat outside of our control. This adds variability to our thoughts. It’s also just a fun practice and it is interesting to play around with the mind and what it can do.

A Consideration of Character

The interactions between the various parties in Twin Peaks in addition to the general social  context of the town serves as one of the main points of interest in this  show. Twin Peaks presents a compelling and immersive community of  characters. Understanding and analyzing their motivations is a good  place to learn the general logic behind the idea of entity contact or summoning spirits.

For this summoning ritual, the only materials needed are your imagination and a quiet space. Enter your mental space that you set aside for considerations related to Twin Peaks and, perhaps, your studies of the occult more broadly. Model all of your senses in this space; attempt to immerse yourself as vividly as you can in your internal reality. This is now your entire reality; repeat this idea to yourself as you disavow information offered to you from your circumstances outside of your mind’s eye. Let go of daily life concerns, unpleasant physical sensations, and so on. All there is, is the internal world.

There are two main divisions in types of spirit work. Perceiving the other consciousness outside of yourself (evocation or summoning), and perceiving yourself as becoming this new consciousness (invocation or possession).

A third type involves hallucinating the other consciousness. A study of imposition (learning to consciously create hallucinations), which is outside of the scope of this post, can be used to provoke this third type. It is similar to the other two types but with a slightly different focus. A fourth type involves altered states such as dreams or the use of entheogens. A fifth type uses a ritual or other external cue. These latter three types are all different ways to obtain one of the former two types of entity experiences.

It is furthermore possible to integrate or transform the resulting abstracted consciousness into the self to change the self in the direction of that integrated consciousness. By being forced into direct contact with the consciousness as it integrates, the main self decides its own answer to the internal conflicts encountered by that consciousness.

External places and ideas have a type of consciousness to them, although it is experienced slightly different by the magick practitioner. This is likely due to the way the mind remembers information. It remembers information along certain axes. We have a division in our place vs. our person memory and the way we handle perception related to these two things.

Some people find it easier to shapeshift into a new consciousness. Other people find it easier to animate a consciousness that feels separate from themselves. Repeated attempts to access and animate the same concept/character increase the elaboration and complexity of the resulting spirit/animated and abstracted aspect of the self.

While in your internal space, visualize the character you wish to model. Imagine their appearance, their mannerisms. From there, it becomes a matter of modeling their mind. Focus on your internal stereotype of that person, focus on your sense of that other person, your feeling when you think of that person.

Route 1:

Draw your sense of that person into yourself. You become that person. Everything you do is checked between your logic vs. that other person’s. Everything in this trance state is done in the shape of that other person. All of your thoughts are this other person. After 10-15 minutes, more or less if you want, you can stop.

Route 2:

Imagine that other person separate from you, either in your mind’s eye or outside of yourself in your physical location. Have a conversation with that person. Model what they would say. After 10-15 minutes, stop for the day. At first, it will feel awkward and as though you are talking to yourself via a puppet, but after enough times it will become more natural and automatic, and you may find yourself slipping into that alternate perspective or hearing its internal logic comment on what you do throughout the day. Don’t forget to regularly remind yourself of the division between yourself and this part of your memory/personality/perception.

If you want to reintegrate with this abstracted sense of self, reverse the process. Take the feeling of that self and integrate it with your main sense of self. Visualize a picture, something symbolic, maybe of colors mixing to become a new color. Blue and red becoming purple. Keep reminding yourself that the only voice you hear inside your head is yours, and this is your thought process. It will quickly integrate into your main sense of self.

Don’t forget to come up with a cue that signals the beginning of a summoning/possession session and a cue that signals the end of it. Clean compartmentalization of behaviors and mental states is essential for a particularly vivid psychological experience.

Bob, Leland, and Mr. Robertson

Leland is one of the most compelling characters of the show. We see aspects of his psychology expressed indirectly in the events of the show. Leland, as Bob, is a character that affected the lives of not only his daughter, but of his co-workers and the people he engaged in criminal activity with. The various moves he makes to cover his second life are found peppered throughout the show; 25 years after the events of his daughter’s death and his subsequent suicide, his attempts to cover-up Bob are still being discovered - like with his attempt to hide his daughter’s journal entries in the police station that is only discovered in the third season.

Leland is one of the most interesting characters from this show to model, least of which being the wealth of information the show contains on his character. Leland is implied to have been a user of cocaine, and that fire was his metaphor for the high of cocaine. “Fire, walk with me.” Leland’s relationship with Mr. Robertson from his childhood is left mostly in the shadows; was it a sexual relationship? Did he witness Mr. Robertson kill someone? In either case, the psychological impact of Mr. Robertson on Leland’s childhood changed him as a person, leading to his possession by Bob in the show. It is a wonderful metaphor for the process of introjection itself, and how traumatic experiences and individuals can seem to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Not only did Leland find himself personally haunted by his experience with Mr. Robertson, but the way it affected Leland as a father to Laura affected her as well. Bob is a terrific metaphor for the psychological affects of these cycles of inherited trauma.

The Duality of Leland Palmer and Laura Palmer

Laura and Leland were similar and opposites in many interesting ways. There is an important contrast between the two that is worth considering. Laura and Leland both had difficult upbringings; Leland’s implied traumatic past and the implied trauma Laura witnessed from living in Leland’s household with its particular demands (his involvement in organized crime and drugs, and so on.) At the same time, it’s heavily implied that this makes them similar in some ways. Leland has a difficult time controlling his behavior, up to the point that Ben Horne calls for his murder (it is implied that Bob’s possession of Leland and his subsequent suicide may have been a metaphor for the psychological effects of Leland dodging Bob Horne’s hit) because he’s attracting too much attention. Leland was a man who could call a hit or kill a prostitute for fun, and it was implied he regularly practiced both things. Laura was not this sort of person at all and wanted to bring him down after discovering these things, making them opposites in a sense; however, this was Laura’s own approach to death, and it could be said this was how Bob manifested in Laura. Death by prison isn’t much better than death by hitman. 

[channelmono]

I dunno if I have a lot to say, but I figured that give how many people follow me, I wanna share some tips on preserving mental health during these chaotic times

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have noticed my last story QA, which was a bit of a survey just to see how some of you lovely monitors are feeling, because I know the world in general has been stressed lately for obvious reasons. The elephant in the room is that we as individuals are all walking a tightrope of staying up-to-date about the future and how to maintain our physical health while also trying to preserve a sense of productivity and activity to sustain our mental health, the latter of which I’m noticing being especially strenuous for many of you, likely because this prolonged period of uncertainty and anxiety is highly unfamiliar. I want to disclaim right away: I am not a doctor, I am not a psychologist trained in extensive therapy who knows how to guide each and every one of you to your healthiest behaviors. However, I still wish to still help you with some advice. I do wish to see you as my friends, and as my friends, I want to ensure that you are happy and healthy. I already have a history of self-isolation, and without getting too in-depth of the exact details, this involuntarily hermit-like lifestyle we’re all being encouraged to ascribe to has been my way of living for the past several years (the involuntary-ness included). I’ve become much more acclimated to not just being alone, but stuck in a place of residence with little directive or seeming control of my own future, with a long history of trying to discern of not just what to do with my life in general, but just getting through the day-to-day. I want to discuss that day-to-day, because the month(s) away we have from returning to a normal world again is still comprised of many, many days, and if I can’t come up with a surefire long-term plan for how to deal with a future we are all in unfamiliar territory of dealing with, I can at least suggest a few low-cost stepping stones to helping you take in each day a lot easier, and hopefully help lift a bit of the collective burden over however long we may be like this. 1) DON'T LET YOURSELF GIVE UP. I feel like this is a bit of an obvious tip that might come across as “are you feeling sad? Just be happy!”, but hear me out. One of the biggest sources of human (or human-equivalent) stress is the feeling that one has no control over their life. The period where I fussed incredibly hard about the fate of my future as I was first condemned was one of the darkest, most exhausting parts of my life, as were all the times I had done before. It wasn’t merely that I was so ashamed of my failures, but it was the fact that I’d constantly and semi-consciously associate it with my entire being, to the point where I couldn’t make a casual joke in a non-depressed context that didn’t end with a side remark of how I wanted to die (now that I explained it without context… yikes.) Eventually, there was a eureka moment for me where I had enough of being tired. I’m not sure exactly what triggered it -- perhaps it was just dealing with the banality of the isolation, perhaps it was just me thinking more about how I mentally hurt myself and what I could do to stop, perhaps it was me simply deciding to find professional psychological help for it -- but whatever the case, I realized that even if the world could do bad things to me, I wanted to stop doing things that would hurt myself, as not only was being good to myself the least that I could do, but it also helped me forge a modicum of very real power for my self-esteem, giving that first boost to kickstart my life again (in part by starting this channel and making new online friends!) This wasn’t a solution to get rid of all my outside problems, but rather a means to help accept that things would be tough, but I could still live with them. Challenges will need to be faced, and there will be failures because that’s how life can be sometimes, but it also helped me better comprehend that there will also be victories, because that’s ALSO how life can be sometimes! I can’t say for sure how each and every one of you will be able to help yourself realize that negativity, hopelessness, and cynicism are not the only means to approach an uncertain and stressful future. Perhaps you already realized it! Perhaps you were in the process of realizing it but the articulation of my journey may give some guidance. Perhaps you still need some more time and thought to think about it. But whichever way, I implore you to consider that this future is not solely one to be defeated by, but one which you can fight to be happy in… and win. 2) GIVE YOURSELF A DAILY RHYTHM. One of the biggest things I see people complaining about is how without their usual daily schedule with work or school, their mental acuity is going haywire and it’s difficult to get things done. There are many reasons for why our brains are reacting to the situation the way they do: a bunch of collective trauma surrounding the pandemic putting our brains on edge for what to expect next, stress making us unable to register complex tasks, our inner survival instinct diverting away our ability to think about personal minutiae, etc. The human brain is a fickle thing doing its best to cope with the trauma it’s presented with, and first and foremost, it’s important to be patient with yourself. Going back to the “how to take on the day-to-day”, let’s talk about schedules. The truth is that many of us crave at least a mild semblance of structure and compartmentalization, and a big factor for why our minds are getting sloggy is because we’ve lost the ones we followed, mostly ones imposed onto us by our professions, and were wholly unprepared to figure out a compensation plan (as many of you students learning via Zoom conferences are aware). The practical trick I have to help remedy this is a pretty basic-on-paper one: seek out your own schedule. Speaking from my own experience, the daily grind into this miasma of a future becomes less cumbersome once you intuit what you actually define as “the daily grind”. This is not to say you need to become a rigid, Clock King-esque fanatic who plans every action by the minute, as simply understanding what you do and what you WANT to do will be of help. For me, I schedule my alarm clock to go off at 8:30. Every day I get up and make coffee or tea along with breakfast for myself and The Master. My current daily priorities are messy janitorial duties and Animal Crossing, while my personal hobbies that I’d reserve to my free time include filming content, playing video games, watching movies or Youtube, cooking, or going outside to jog. Every week or so, I go out for groceries. I do my best to go to bed and sleep before midnight. Of course, this is just MY schedule, but this is how rudimentary it can get while still giving me a sense of fulfillment when I do pass the time as I do accomplish my tasks. There are many ways to go about it, but really, one of the simplest ways to recognize them in your life is just write it out. Actually articulate it into just a really simple list that you have to transfer from mind onto paper/digital text. This is especially recommended if additional tasks or changes to your life occurs: write it down so you can remember everything! And allow yourself to do it! This is not to say you should be worrying constantly about how productive you are, as the goal is not to define yourself by how much you accomplish per day, but rather a way to give yourself that sorely needed daily rhythm we all miss, while allowing you to reward yourself when you hit your goals. And like every plan, it doesn’t need to be flawless -- there will be times where we need to relax and take a break. There might be emergencies to deal with. There may be times where things are so overwhelming where it’s like “Yknow what? I don’t wanna do anything today.” And that’s okay. On a related note: Something I’d like to place importance on with my schedule is my sleep. As someone who has experienced long periods of miserable exhaustion in my life, I cannot overstate just how important and cathartic a good, consistent sleep schedule is. I’m not joking: the night when I stopped being “insomniac” by going to bed tired but staying on my phone up until 2 AM, and instead actually went to bed at 11-ish, I woke up feeling the best I had in years. Exhaustion no longer felt like a necessary, expected burden. I felt legitimately well-rested, and discovering that I could freely feel things that weren’t depression was almost epiphanic (if that’s a word lol). I know that going to sleep and waking up on a consistent time of day might sound chore-like to many of you night owls, and there may be other concerns at play like actual insomnia, but I implore you to at least consider giving yourself a consistent nightly rhythm as well as your daily one. Being exhausted is an easy way to get stuck in your own head, and if you’re thinking dark thoughts and lack the energy to force yourself out, you can be in trouble. Don’t underdo or overdo it that you still feel like crap when you wake up. Be honest to yourself. Good sleep can be incredibly rewarding in ways that you might not even believe until you experience it for yourself.

[rpgsandbox]

One moment sets the course of destiny.

But what if that one moment was changed in the smallest of ways?

What if one madman's plan actually were to succeed beyond our known history?

Darker Hue Studios presents its second project:

Haunted West, A Historical-Fiction, Weird-Western, Spaghetti-Action Game.

This is a game about hope through struggle. It is a game that pieces together the stories of the largely forgotten people of the Old West, the people who have been whitewashed by history. Discover the American experience in the Weird West.

Grab your rifle, jet pack, and spurs to battle traitorous rebels in the defense of freedom, join the fight against temporally displaced dinosaurs, rustle cattle to make ends meet, and hijack a train full of illicit Confederate gold!

I hope you’ve got the grit and gumption to see this through.

Head 'em up. Move 'em out.

                                               The Train Heist

The Old West—The Wild West, The American Frontier—is one of the world’s most familiar modern myths. The time was draped in ruggedness; there was an idealized dream of freedom, and a notion that just one person could shape the world. That myth belongs to all of us. Yet so many stories of truth, justice, and the American Way have been stolen, erased, and never recorded. Haunted West aims to tell many of those stories, to shine a light on the proud people who shaped America and fought for her just as much as those people whose stories are central to widely-known American folklore.

Haunted West honors the many forgotten voices of the American Frontier, tips its hat to the Weird West genre, rides the trails with the Spaghetti and Hollywood Westerns, and drinks at the saloon with historical truths. It’s a game about our real-world history that does not whitewash it, but instead amplifies the voices that shaped the West, and thereby America, helping define the world. We’ve taken an entirely new approach to the Weird West genre in gaming, with a system built from the ground up to enable you to tell the kind of stories you want, and accurately represent the history of the Old West while running games as gritty or as pulpy as you want.

Haunted West approaches the Weird West in a unique way, riding the rails toward something new. This is fertile ground for all. Haunted West explores the true history of the American Frontier with a focus on the tales of the forgotten, unknown, and overlooked, and all through Weird-West-goggles.

When I was young, growing up in the deep South of Alabama, I would watch Westerns with my grandmother on our one television in the house. Though we weren't always close, we huddled around that TV and explored the great Old West together, and that's how my love for the genre began. The only problem? No one looked like me unless they were cast as the villain or, sometimes, the butt of the joke. Haunted West aims to change that.

In Haunted West you'll battle the Weird, take side jobs to get by, and help shape a nation one step at a time. Experience adventures in the vein of Deadwood, High Noon, Gallowwalkers, Hell on Wheels, The Magnificent Seven, The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., and more.

This is a role-playing game inspired by real-life icons such as Bass Reeves, Belle Star, Cathay Williams, Tom Threepersons, Ah Toy, Nat Love, Kate Warne, Jerome Crow Dog, Joaquín Murieta, John Henry Holliday, Lucy Eldine Gonzalez Parsons, Jackson Sundown, Mary Fields, and Fee Lee Wong.

Haunted West hears the voices of the past and amplifies them for all to hear.

"We need to haunt the house of history and listen anew to the ancestors' wisdom." - Maya Angelou

The world of Haunted West: Reconstruction begins close to our known history, but branches off a few years into the Reconstruction era following the Civil War, dropping you in the middle of an evolving historical timeline. The War’s aftermath burns bright in people's minds, no matter if they or their kin fought with the victorious North or the traitorous South.

In our known history, John Wilkes Booth assassinates Abraham Lincoln, which accidentally elevates Andrew Johnson, a Southern former slave owner, into the presidency. He goes on to fight against every change the people, their country, and fallen soldiers had earned.

Haunted West: Reconstruction creates a timeline in which, in addition to killing Lincoln, Booth's assassination plot also kills Johnson as he had originally intended. Lafayette Foster becomes President, and without presidential opposition, the Southern confederates are not allowed back in congress. The land is divided and given to the enslaved people as was actually planned in our known history, changing the power dynamic of America, with black landowners battling against traitors who are terrorizing them and trying to steal their legally-owned land.

We've worked with historians to help us imagine how that new dynamic plays out in our alternate timeline.

We think you'll love exploring the alternate timeline. As a gamer, I love world meta plots but I also like having the ability to run my own game. So in Haunted West we give you options. The game is layered, empowering you to run a purely historical game including many of the forgotten voices of the Old West, where you're more likely to die of dysentery than a bullet; or you may choose to take a turn toward the Spaghetti and Pulp Western; or, my hope is you'll want to take the ride into the alternate timeline which can be played in either gritty or pulp style—your choice.

That’s right, this is an entirely new system specifically designed with the Narrator's and players' enjoyment in mind. The system’s core mechanic is a 1d100 based system with some new twists. It’ll feel familiar and easy while having a level of complexity to appeal to old school gamers.

The rules themselves layer on top of each other for ease of use and can be applied in many ways.

Why a New System?: We created a new system to provide exciting versatility of play styles, a system that is tailored to create iconic stories of the West, and a consistent way for you to tell your stories. For me, it was important to have something fresh to empower the player and Narrator alike. The system is easy to pick up for new gamers and has levels of complexity for old school gamers looking for that. But at the heart of it, it’s built to aid in telling stories.

The Essential Mechanics: The ‘Ouroboros System’ is unique in its approach to modular play and has a number of easy-to-apply rules. The core mechanic is a 1D100 roll under system with degrees of success and failure that have different impacts. Skilled Paragons are able to invest a portion of their successes into ‘The River’ and use that portion for a later challenge when the chips are down. Each skill is associated with 1 of 7 different attributes that confer a starting percentage in the skill.

Paragons:  Paragons are our system's player characters. We chose the term 'Paragon' because they are iconic, modeling an aspect of the Old West and larger than life.

                                     Mock Up of Character Sheet

Skinwalkers, vampires, werewolves, aliens, clockworks, monstrosities, magic, and more await you here!

The Weird populates Haunted West on the fringes. People may know about it but rarely discuss it; it's not proper, and if you name it, you give it power. The Weird is rarely in plain sight and anyone that has a touched it is forever changed by it. These folks have seen beyond the horizon and understand the world is more, more dangerous, and more wonderous than anyone imagined. But unlike a Mythos protagonists, the people of the West are made of stern stuff. They don't faint or break easily.

Haunted West builds its Weird from myths, stories passed down from generations, real-world sightings, and from the recesses of our minds. We've got supernatural horrors, science fiction aliens with technology to astound, and more. Stepping out of your door into the world isn't for the faint of heart.  

                                         Artwork: Battling the Weird

Haunted West is a core book containing everything a Narrator needs to run scenarios in the Weird and Wild West. The book itself is an exquisitely designed hardcover 8.5” x 11” book clocking in at well over 130,000 words. Haunted West will be printed in two editions. The first will be available via offset printing for our US customers and the second will be available through DrivethruRPG for our overseas fans which will help to minimize the cost of shipping. Both versions of the book will be FULL COLOR! Our goal is to deliver the book to you Summer 2020.

                            Mock-up cover. Final design is pending.

This hefty tome would give any cowpoke pause from its hidden secret and arcane lore of the past. If you’ve got the resolve, I’ll tell you a bit about it and hold back a few prizes for a surprise when you open the book. Rest assured it’s not a snake in your boot.

A brief, “Howdy, partner!” We’ll chat around the campfire about history, how to apply the Weird, the horrors and wonders of the West, and the new system.

Then we sit a spell at the trading post to make some characters, what we're calling Paragons, and you'll have your choice of 10 distinctive archetypes that cover a lot of ground, enabling players to make any character they can think of. The creative posse has built a detailed Life Path system to guide character creation from your lineage, to your crew, to a few antagonists that don’t fancy your face.

Each Paragon has a couple of aptitudes making them more than a run-of-the-mill town person. Maybe they can shoot a little straighter, train horses a little faster, or rumor has it that some sawbones can bring the dead back to life.

Skills are the salt-of-the-Earth of what a Paragon can do. Qualities are those small traits that make you stand out. It could be something like striking looks, a 500-dollar bounty, or an intimidating gaze that forces any law officer to keep walking.

You can’t have the weird without a little magick. We start the ball rolling with four historically-based Western theme magicks of the time. They've been researched and gamified for those looking to meet at the crossroads to barter with a demon.

                                                     Book excerpt

We'll delve into an engaging narrative about the true West from before time until the early 1900s. Our story is sprawling with unknown visages and we touch on a lot of them, like an old friend buying the first round at the saloon. We’re storytellers crafting a tale that has never been told.

Haunted West takes the reigns and gives you all of the West, above and below to explore. Paragons may be dueling clockwork gunslingers in Deadwood, trading for supplies with the Lakota, holding the line with Texas Rangers against an unknown army, debating Southern politicians in halls of power on the East Coast, or stealing aboard steam-powered cities in the heavens. We are boundless.

The book comes primed with over 50 historical folks for the Paragons to meet, call out, run from, or with whom to posse up. These are real-life icons pulled from history, and their voices are waiting for your breath to make them live again.

See 'Methods of Play' for all the gunslinger goodness.

What kind of no-good scallywag would I be without offering a Narrator a helping hand for running games, discussing the careful economic and racial divides you’ll need to navigate? I am not alone; I've got a crew of diverse voices to help tell the tales.

Haunted West: Reconstruction is the world setting. The entire book up until now has been a historical game plus how to apply the Weird, and this section gives you over 10,000 words dedicated to the alternate timeline. In this timeline, in addition to killing Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth's assassination plot also kills Johnson as he had originally intended. The alternate timeline imagines how this new reality plays out.

The world of Haunted West is a grim place of untold horror, the supernatural, sights that shatter even the toughest gunslinger, with wonders beyond description. It is the Old West—the frontier of America—with her people arriving from every corner of the globe, seeking fortune, fame, and a moment in the sun.

The Paragons encounter rumors of some flying machine beyond description that's leaving mutilated cattle in its wake. They need the thing stopped before they go bust. But a deeper horror awaits those who follow the Aerostat.

We present over 40 creatures pulled from folklore and myths, both supernatural as well as alien, to baffle and combat your players' Paragons.

We’ll have a foldout train map of the United States, a reusable town map, and an old west hex map for miniature combat.  

                                            Artwork: Ghost Town

Kickstarter campaign ends: Fri, November 1 2019 3:00 PM UTC +00:00

Website: [Darker Hue Studios] [facebook] [twitter]

[taule]

Don't bite your tongue, sis. I really want to hear your thoughts!

@nonnie​, @tories & @catalina-infanta beware of what you ask for :/

I have completely stopped keeping up with things, but every now and then I still catch a glimpse of some new idiocy that’s been released and with that I feel like ST is becoming some sad parody of itself tbh.

And the more and more they keep painting Rey in this way… you know that she doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together to figure out what Ben really wanted when he held his hand out to her (you know, because she’s such a deep, thoughtful and preternaturally sensitive person), given the way he’s let her in, but nevertheless views herself as his moral superior via being publicly declared to be a self-insert by Disney who would use her to attach the audience to the narrative and thus defend whatever she does, because she’s the first-person avatar. And really, how many people do have the self-awareness to examine her actions objectively at this point? All I see is people blindly defending this supposed “complexity” in her even though it’s literally not in the script, which is a prime example of how people attribute qualities to her because of the way they relate to her. And I’m like… no, what you are saying is that you are complex. This no longer has anything to do with the character Rey is on paper.

And I think it’s also evident in how there’s notable differences to people’s interpretation of her as a whole, like for example her capacity for darkness, and vulnerability to it. The more I look at it… the more this whole concept of true balance remains purely theoretical, it’s just a word they use and little more. If you for the sake of a mental exercise remove the Force from the equation and their respective skills in it, what are you left with? I can’t say that she’s completely devoid of empathy, but it’s like the writers only remember that for 15 minutes each film, then it somehow slips out of all awareness. And it just gets worse in each of these comics etc.

Ahh…and then there’s the other unfortunate component - Leia. Like, nobody deserves a mother like that. I really hope for the sake of their kids that people haven’t been taking parenting cues from that one. It’s bad enough she’s considered a personal role model simply for her genetic extraness….

I mean for her to sit there with Rey, seemingly oblivious to her own role in how Ben fell into the dirty paws of uncle Snoke in the first place, and tell her that “perhaps she should ask him”…. It’s possible that they thought this would read as her giving Ben a chance to tell his own side of the story, unlike uncle Luke who was ready to chop his nephew to pieces. But it’s just not enough to convince me that she at all gives a shit. They haven’t been able to really establish her maternal feelings for her son in the few dropped phrases that never reached her eyes and now I’m supposed to believe that she’s saying this out of consideration for Ben? So for this reason it looks to me much more like her rejecting her responsibility in the “it can’t be helped” manner. 

Here of all places she ought to have seen the importance of her making Rey understand that Ben falling to the dark side was not a simple question of choice. She of all people knew it best. But she couldn’t find it in herself.

And simultaneously I kept thinking about the probablility of someone as traumatized as Ben seeing his own path clearly. He heard his own parents call him a monster when he was a little kid, before any of this happened. When Rey called him a monster, his immediate response was “Yes, I am.” And they expect me to believe that he is able to articulate what happened to him, without anyone else taking responsibility for their part in it, when all he has experienced his whole life is being left without help? Honestly, who the hell is writing this shite?

So yeah… in short. Rey doesn’t deserve Ben until she can scrape together some real empathy (shockingly not the same as curiosity and a sense of justice). And neither does Leia. And it’s abosolutely revolting to me when these two are placed in a position where Ben’s redemption somehow appears to depend on their forgiveness. For what?

WHat Teh FUCK.

[peepsilvs]

Stardew Valley: A Charming Review

Warning: Very, very mild spoilers for the story, but otherwise quite spoiler free. Written 3.3.2020

I have always had a weak spot for video games that feel like home. Sometimes you just want to play a game without getting an adrenaline rush with every move you make. So, naturally, when I found a game a game that took inspiration from the Harvest Moon series, one of my childhood favorites, I was sold solely for the idea. What I got instead was even better than I had dreamed of, but in a different way.

Stardew Valley is a 16-bit pixel art RPG farming simulator game that was released in 2016 by its sole developer Eric "ConcernedApe" Barone, and published by Chucklefish. It has since been improved and gotten new features over the years, with the most recent big update being 1.4 that added several new interactions and gameplay elements in 2019. In-game, you take the role of a young farmer who has grown tired of their work in a big corporation in an even bigger city and decides to move to their grandfather's old farm to start a new life in Pelican Town, Stardew Valley.

Relaxing Gameplay

When you start a new save in Stardew Valley, you are offered a choice from 6 different farms. Each of these farms represents a certain gameplay element in the game, with some encouraging farming and ranching, while others show what other activities the player can immerse themselves in. Even though you are a farmer in the world of Stardew Valley, you do not need to limit yourself to watering crops every day, but instead you can spend your time honing your fishing skills for a relaxing waiting game, or if you are feeling more adventurous, exploring the deep abandoned mines crawling with monsters. No matter what you choose, you are sure to find it rewarding every time you find something you have not seen before.

The main skills the player have are farming, foraging, mining, fishing and combat. Each of them have a level meter going up to 10, that at certain intervals allows you to choose special effects for your character and unlock crafting recipes, either to customize your farm with nice structures like paths or fences, or items that help you in the areas of that specific skill, like special buff clothing for combat. Maxing out these skills is simple: you do the activity that the skill is for.

There is a certain kind of difficulty curve in all of these activities that keeps it interesting even after you have reached the maximum level. Stardew Valley keeps record of all the things you have found, making it oddly satisfying to browse through a complete collection of fishes or gems that you have managed to find during your play. Of course, obtaining all items will not be easy, as there are specific requirements for the rare items, like the legendary fish that only spawn in a specific location at a specific time of year, or gems that only spawn with extremely good luck and courage to go deep enough into the more dangerous mines. It is safe to say that even if the player is only playing Stardew Valley for its gameplay, it will  not immediately run out of content for a true completionist.

Since the game uses 16-bit pixel graphics, it runs smoothly but is also limited to a certain controls. Often it balances this, like in fishing, where there is an added mini game to make it a little less boring to wait for a fish to bite. However, the controls of said mini game have frustrated many players, and has been divisive among the players. Personally, I found it a bit clunky, but then again, the same could be said about combat that I did enjoy. An element from the Harvest Moon sister series Rune Factory, combat in 16-bit pixels is not very astonishing. It mainly consists of the player using different weapons to hit enemies while standing still. The different weapons have different effects, but using anything other than a sword due to its speed and strength defeats the purpose, as the other weapons do not compare or using them feels rather redundant. There is also some problems with time and settings that some players may find frustrating. A year in-game has four seasons, Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter, each consisting of 28 days with 20 in-game hours.  To farmers and fishers, waiting for seasons to change in order to raise new crops or obtain new fish can be boring, but this can be balanced by the mechanic of going to sleep and skipping the day. The opposite problem though, the lack of time, is harder to fix. Unlike some Harvest Moon games, Stardew Valley forces the player to pass out after 2 A.M. While this is for the reason that the game can save the progress for that day, I often found myself annoyed by how little time I had to mine in a day. After reaching a certain level in mining, the more challenging mine becomes available only after 10 A.M, meaning the game leaves the player with twelve in-game hours to mine, and passing out in the mines would not be a problem, if the game did not actively punish the player for it. Every time the player passes out without getting to bed, they may lose money or some items the next morning. Understandably this adds difficulty, but more often than not it just feels like an unnecessary limitation.

Another, a more personal and a quality of life kind of aspect I hoped the game would have, is the changing of brightness. Stardew Valley has a fixed brightness in-game and it cannot be changed, so to people with sensitive eyes this can cause problems. Some have also complained about the lack of instructions the game has for its activities, but to an old Harvest Moon player like myself, this was not a problem as older games rarely gave any instructions to what to do. It very much depends on the player if they like to find out things via trial and error or if they prefer to think before they act.

The Charming Characters Bring Life to the Game

The most relaxing aspect I found in Stardew Valley was getting to know all the villagers of Pelican Town. There is something oddly human about these small pixel people and hearing their dreams, regrets and joys feels like you are truly helping someone. Stardew Valley is a dream for someone who wishes they could help everyone, as the player character tends to fix a lot of the problems the town is going through. The story is, in fact, all about getting invested in the little Pelican Town and its residents, helping them re-build their community center and restore the spirit they had before a big corporation market JojaMart came into town. Or, if the player so wishes, just to buy a JojaMart membership and buy their way through community updates.

Stardew Valley's main story is simple and does not get that much in the way of gameplay and the player is in no rush to play through it. The more rewarding story aspect is getting to know your neighbors, with each having their own story events to play through to find out about more of them. Among regular neighbors, there are also love 12 love interests, 6 men and 6 women. It does not matter which gender the player chooses, as Stardew Valley offers the option of same-sex marriage. Naturally, the love interests have more events than regular villagers, but even then, it is always nice to see events with characters you see as your friends. In the Harvest Moon series, I always felt sad about how the non-marriage candidate characters had almost no events to show your friendship with them. When I played Stardew Valley and noticed a pattern in the villagers actually interacting with you in events, I felt immense joy even over the platonic relationships in-game.

Unlike Harvest Moon, that hails from Japan, Stardew Valley sometimes resonates more with me due to its Western culture influence. It is surprisingly mature, with themes like alcoholism, depression and capitalism and their effects on people. Stardew Valley's characters feel alive due to their complex feelings on the issues going on in their life. Of course, getting to know them on the there hand might break this illusion of connection as the main way for the silent protagonist to bribe these people to love them is to give gifts and talking through the same dialogue. It feels superficial, but it is only a natural mechanic for the type of game that Stardew Valley is and it can hardly be held responsible for this.

The Aesthetic Feels Nostalgic

Even to a person who has not played Harvest Moon or older pixel games, Stardew Valley's art is very pleasing to the eye. The vibrant colors change through seasons and every seasons has its own unique feeling to it, brought to life with the nature's foliage and nicely composed music. To an old player who is familiar with Harvest Moon, it reminds me of the older games in the series and their innocence and relaxing flow, that some of the newer games lack.

As said, the music in Stardew Valley compliments the elements and feelings it is trying to get through during events, seasons or in specific areas like the mines. A casual player benefits largely from keeping the audio on while playing. Along with music, the sound design of Stardew Valley is good, though some of the SFX sound like odd squishy steps. Nevertheless, they do add a certain charm after the first few times of hearing them and the player comes to associate said sounds with the game, and I have to admit, I did laugh when I heard a pig make a noise for the first time.

What I love the most about Stardew Valley's aesthetics is its colors and the freedom it gives to the player. I have seen several players in the Stardew Valley community share their beautifully organized farms that the game allows the player to make, should they choose to spend their time on it. There is also a customization option for the avatar, with the player being able to choose and craft clothing for the protagonist and change their color as they will. This element allows the player to write their own story and to truly immerse into the beautiful world of Stardew Valley.

Co-op

There is also a co-op mode available for Stardew Valley. One of the farm types, The Four Corners, even encourages playing the game with your friends and while the gameplay doesn't differ that much from the single-player game, sharing the experience is fun as expected. It is to be noted however, that a single-player mode cannot be converted to a multiplayer server, so in every new multiplayer game, the player must start from a scratch again.

The other players live on the land of the host in smaller cabins that they can upgrade and get married in. Two players cannot get married to the same character, however, and there might be some amusing incidents where you are in the middle of a date with your sweetheart and you can see your best friends avatar running in the background hacking trees.

Two player can also get married to each other by crafting a wedding ring, but this hardly changes any gameplay. Still, it is a nice choice to have if someone chooses to share a Stardew Valley server with their real life partner.

Verdict

Stardew Valley is a beautiful, charming game, either for casual players or just people who enjoy relaxing while doing mindless collecting and helping others. It's fun, it's simple and it still manages to interest me after 150 hours of gameplay, due to its active community and ConcernedApe's passion for his project and improving it even after 4 years. To former Harvest Moon players, Stardew Valley is a must try at least once. It is defiantly not the same as Harvest Moon, but it does work as food for those waiting for western release dates, or as its own experience entirely. There is no denying that the love and passion put into this little game shines through it and manages to fill the heart of the player.

[cosmerearchive]

We have an excerpt from Starsight, the sequel to Skyward! This book comes out November 27th, 2019. Enjoy!

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1

I slammed on my overburn and boosted my starship through the middle of a chaotic mess of destructor blasts and explosions. Above me extended the awesome vastness of space. Compared to that infinite blackness, both planets and starships alike seemed insignificant. Meaningless.

Except, of course, for the fact that those insignificant starships were doing their best to kill me.

I dodged, spinning my ship and cutting my boosters midturn. Once I’d flipped around, I immediately slammed on the boosters again, burning in the other direction in an attempt to lose the three ships tailing me.

Fighting in space is way different from fighting in atmosphere. For one thing, your wings are useless. No air means no airflow, no lift, no drag. In space, you don’t really fly. You just don’t fall.

I executed another spin and boost, heading back toward the main firefight. Unfortunately, maneuvers that had been impressive down in the atmosphere were commonplace up here. Fighting in a vacuum these last six months had provided a whole new set of skills to master.

“Spensa,” a lively masculine voice said from my console, “you remember how you told me to warn you if you were being extra irrational?”

“No,” I said with a grunt, dodging to the right. The destructor blasts from behind swept over the dome of my cockpit. “I don’t believe I did anything of the sort.”

“You said, ‘Can we talk about this later?’ ”

I dodged again. Scud. Were those drones getting better at dogfighting, or was I losing my touch?

“Technically, it was ‘later’ right after you spoke,” continued the talkative voice—my ship’s AI, M-Bot. “But human beings don’t actually use that word to mean ‘anytime chronologically after this moment.’ They use it to mean ‘sometime after now that is more convenient to me.’ ”

The Krell drones swarmed around us, trying to cut off my escape back toward the main body of the battlefield.

“And you think this is a more convenient time?” I demanded.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because we’re in combat!”

“Well, I would think that a life-and-death situation is exactly when you’d like to know if you’re being extra irrational.”

I could remember, with some measure of fondness, the days when my starships hadn’t talked back to me. That had been before I’d helped repair M-Bot, whose personality was a remnant of ancient technology we still didn’t understand. I frequently wondered: Had all advanced AIs been this sassy, or was mine just a special case?

“Spensa,” M-Bot said. “You’re supposed to be leading these drones toward the others, remember?”

It had been six months since we’d beaten back the Krell attempt to bomb us into oblivion. Alongside our victory, we’d learned some important facts. The enemy we called “the Krell” were a group of aliens tasked with keeping my people contained on our planet, Detritus, which was kind of a cross between a prison and a nature preserve for human civilization. The Krell reported to a larger galactic government called the Superiority.

They employed remote drones to fight us—piloted by aliens who lived far away, controlling their drones via faster-than-light communications. The drones were never driven by AIs, as it was against galactic law to let a ship pilot itself. Even M-Bot was severely limited in what he could do on his own. Beyond that, there was something that the Superiority feared deeply: people who had the ability to see into the space where FTL communication happened. People called cytonics.

People like me.

They knew what I was, and they hated me. The drones tended to target me specifically—and we could use that. We should use that. In today’s pre-battle briefing, I’d swayed the rest of the pilots reluctantly to go with a bold plan. I was to get a little out of formation, tempt the enemy drones to swarm me, then lead them back through the rest of the team. My friends could then eliminate the drones while they were focused on me.

It was a sound plan. And I’d make good on it . . . eventually. Now, though, I wanted to test something.

I hit my overburn, accelerating away from the enemy ships. M-Bot was faster and more maneuverable than they were, though part of his big advantage had been in his ability to maneuver at high speed in air without ripping himself apart. Out here in a vacuum that wasn’t a factor, and the enemy drones did a better job of keeping up.

They swarmed after me as I dove toward Detritus. My home-world was protected by layers of ancient metal platforms—like shells—with gun emplacements all along them. After our victory six months ago, we’d pushed the Krell farther away from the planet, past the shells. Our current long-term strategy was to engage the enemy out here in space and keep them from getting close to the planet.

Keeping them out here had allowed our engineers—including my friend Rodge—to start gaining control of the platforms and their guns. Eventually, that shell of gun emplacements should protect our planet from incursions. For now though, most of those defensive platforms were still autonomous—and could be as dangerous for us as they were for the enemy.

The Krell ships swarmed in behind me, eager to cut me off from the battlefield—where my friends were engaging the rest of the drones in a massive brawl. That tactic of isolating me made one fatal assumption: that if I was alone, I’d be less dangerous.

“We’re not going to turn back around and follow the plan, are we?” M-Bot asked. “You’re going to try to fight them on your own.”

I didn’t respond.

“Jorgen is going to be aaaaaangry,” M-Bot said. “By the way, those drones are trying to chase you along a specific heading, which I’m outlining on your monitor. My analysis projects that they’ve planned an ambush.”

“Thanks,” I said.

“Just trying to keep you from getting me blown up,” M-Bot said. “By the way, if you do get us killed, be warned that I intend to haunt you.”

“Haunt me?” I said. “You’re a robot. And besides, I’d be dead too, right?”

“My robotic ghost would haunt your fleshy one.”

“How would that even work?”

“Spensa, ghosts aren’t real,” he said in an exasperated tone. “Why are you worrying about things like that instead of flying? Honestly, humans get distracted so easily.”

I spotted the ambush: a small group of Krell drones had hidden themselves by a large chunk of metal floating just out of range of the gun emplacements. As I drew close, the ambushing drones emerged and rocketed toward me. I was ready though. I let my arms relax, let my subconscious mind take over. I sank into myself, entering a kind of trance where I listened.

Just not with my ears.

Remote drones worked fine for the Krell in most situations. They were an expendable way to suppress the humans of Detritus. However, the enormous distances involved in space battle forced the Krell to rely on instantaneous faster-than-light communication to control their drones. I suspected their pilots were far away— but even if they were on the Krell station that hung out in space near Detritus, the lag of radio communications from there would make the drones too slow to react in battle. So, FTL was necessary.

That exposed one major flaw. I could hear their orders.

For some reason I didn’t understand, I could listen into the place where FTL communication happened. I called it the nowhere, another dimension where our rules of physics didn’t apply. I could hear into the place, occasionally see into it—and see the creatures that lived there watching me.

A single time, in the climactic battle six months ago, I’d managed to enter that place and teleport my ship a long distance in the blink of an eye. I still didn’t know much about my powers. I hadn’t been able to teleport again, but I’d been learning that whatever existed inside me, I could harness it and use it to fight.

I let my instincts take over, and sent my ship into a complex sequence of dodges. My battle-trained reflexes, melded with my innate ability to hear the drone orders, maneuvered my ship without specific conscious instructions on my part.

My cytonic ability had been passed down my family line. My ancestors had used it to move ancient starfleets around the galaxy. My father had had the ability, and the enemy had exploited it to get him killed. Now I used it to stay alive.

I reacted before the Krell did, responding to their orders—somehow, I processed them even faster than the drones could. By the time they attacked, I was already weaving through their destructor blasts. I darted among them, then fired my IMP, bringing down the shields of everyone nearby.

In my state of focused concentration, I didn’t care that the IMP took down my shield too. It didn’t matter.

I launched my light-lance, and the rope of energy speared one of the enemy ships, connecting it to my own. I then used the difference in our momentum to spin us both around, which put me into position behind the pack of defenseless ships.

Blossoms of light and sparks broke the void as I destroyed two of the drones. The remaining Krell scattered like villagers before a wolf in one of Gran-Gran’s stories. The ambush turned chaotic as I picked a pair of ships and gunned for them with destructors— blasting one away as a part of my mind tracked the orders being given to the others.

“I never fail to be amazed when you do that,” M-Bot said quietly. “You’re interpreting data faster than my projections. You seem almost . . . inhuman.”

I gritted my teeth, bracing, and spun my ship, boosting it after a straggling Krell drone.

“I mean that as a compliment, by the way,” M-Bot said. “Not that there’s anything wrong with humans. I find their frail, emotionally unstable, irrational natures quite endearing.”

I destroyed that drone and bathed my hull in the light of its fiery demise. Then I dodged right between the shots of two others. Though the Krell drones didn’t have pilots on board, a part of me felt sorry for them as they tried to fight back against me—an unstoppable, unknowable force that did not play by the same rules that bound everything else they knew.

“Likely,” M-Bot continued, “I regard humans as I do only because I’m programmed to do so. But hey, that’s no different from instinct programming a mother bird to love the twisted, featherless abominations she spawns, right?”

Inhuman.

I wove and dodged, fired and destroyed. I wasn’t perfect; I occasionally overcompensated and many of my shots missed. But I had a distinct edge.

The Superiority—and its minions the Krell—obviously knew to watch for people like me and my father. Their ships were always on the hunt for humans who flew too well or who responded too quickly. They’d tried controlling my mind by exploiting a weakness in my talent—the same thing they’d done to my father. Fortunately, I had M-Bot. His advanced shielding was capable of filtering out their mental attacks while still allowing me to hear the enemy orders.

All of this raised a singular daunting question. What was I?

“I would feel a lot more comfortable,” M-Bot said, “if you’d find a chance to reignite our shield.”

“No time,” I said. We’d need a good thirty seconds without flight controls to do that.

I had another chance to break toward the main battle, to follow through with the plan I’d outlined. Instead I spun, then hit the overburn and blasted back toward the enemy ships. My gravitational capacitors absorbed a large percentage of the g-forces and kept me from suffering too much whiplash, but I still felt pressure flattening me against my seat, making my skin pull back and my body feel heavy. Under extreme g-forces, I felt like I’d aged a hundred years in a second.

I pushed through it and fired at the remaining Krell drones. I strained my strange skills to their limits. A Krell destructor shot grazed the dome of my canopy, so bright it left an afterimage in my eyes.

“Spensa,” M-Bot said. “Both Jorgen and Cobb have called to complain. I know you said to keep them distracted, but—”

“Keep them distracted.”

“Resigned sigh.”

I looped us after an enemy ship. “Did you just say the words resigned sigh?”

“I find human nonlinguistic communications to be too easily misinterpreted,” he said. “So I’m experimenting with ways to make them more explicit.”

“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”

“Obviously not. Dismissive eye-roll.”

Destructors flared around me, but I blasted two more drones. As I did, I saw something appear, reflected in the canopy of my cockpit. A handful of piercing white lights, like eyes, watching me. When I used my abilities too much, something looked out of the nowhere and saw me.

I didn’t know what they were. I just called them the eyes. But I could feel a burning hatred from them. An anger. Somehow, this was all connected. My ability to see and hear into the nowhere, the eyes that watched me from that place, and the teleportation power I’d only managed to use once.

I could still distinctly remember how I’d felt when I’d used it. I’d been on the brink of death, being enveloped by a cataclysmic explosion. In that moment, somehow I’d activated something called a cytonic hyperdrive.

If I could master that ability to teleport, I could help free my people from Detritus. With that power, we could escape the Krell forever. And so I pushed myself.

Last time I’d jumped I’d been fighting for my life. If I could only re-create those same emotions . . .

I dove, my right hand on my control sphere, my left holding the throttle. Three drones swept in behind me, but I registered their shots and turned my ship at an angle so they all missed. I hit the throttle and my mind brushed the nowhere.

The eyes continued to appear, reflected in the canopy, as if it were revealing something that watched from behind my seat. White lights, like stars, but somehow more . . . aware. Dozens of malevolent glowing dots. In entering their realm, even slightly, I became visible to them.

Those eyes unnerved me. How could I be both fascinated by these powers and terrified of them at the same time? It was like the call of the void you felt when standing at the edge of a large cliff in the caverns, knowing you could just throw yourself off into that darkness. One step farther . . .

“Spensa!” M-Bot said. “New ship arriving!”

I pulled out of my trance, and the eyes vanished. M-Bot used the console display to highlight what he’d spotted. A new starfighter, almost invisible against the black sky, emerged from where the others had been hiding. Sleek, it was shaped like a disc and painted the same black as space. It was smaller than normal Krell ships, but it had a larger canopy.

These new black ships had only started appearing in the last eight months, in the days leading up to the attempt to bomb our base. Back then we hadn’t realized what they meant, but now we knew.

I couldn’t hear the commands this ship received—because none were being sent to it. Black ships like this one were not remote controlled. Instead, they carried real alien pilots. Usually an enemy ace—the best of their pilots.

The battle had just gotten far more interesting.

[stokan]

Top 20 Things of 2018

1.) Beychella How do you make a long awaited surprise album between two of the biggest names in music that is also one of the year’s best feel like complete afterthought? Set the bar as high as Beyonce’s Coachella appearance.

First awards show performances, then music videos, now music festival gigs: is there anything that Beyonce CAN’T turn into high art?

2.) Explained by Vox The most exciting development in the world of television in 2018 was radically breaking the rules on episodes length. We saw 30 minute dramas, and hour long comedies. We got shows like Maniac where episodes were as long as 49 minutes and as short as 27 minutes. Now television creators can tell exactly the stories they want to tell in however much time they want to tell them in. And perhaps nowhere were these loosened restrictions taken better advantage than Explained, Vox’s documentary series for Netflix. Many topics cant sustain a full length documentary, but, say, 14 minutes explaining cryptocurrency to me? Sure! 17 minutes on designer DNA? Sounds great! 20 minutes on the origins of K-Pop? How do you say “yes please” in Korean? Every episode has a different narrator, a different look, a different feel, and varies wildly in subject matter. Yet they are all exactly the length they need to be. The only thing left I really need explained to me is why no one thought to make this series before.

3.) Serial Season 3 If Explained was a great example of the latest evolution in television, then the new season of Serial is at the front line of the evolution of our newest artistic medium: podcasts. Serial’s third season was nothing like its second, which was in turn nothing like its first. It’s a series still figuring out what it CAN be, while now defining forever what it NEEDS to be. Serial this year explained a deeply important topic in a way that wouldn’t have been possible through any other medium. They always say if you’re a writer you have to ask yourself what form of writing your idea needs to be. Don’t write a play that’s really a TV show, or a movie that should be a book. And now we can add to that don’t make a TV series that’s really a podcast. As Homecoming proved this year, the two mediums are very different and better equipped to tell different stories. And after hearing Serial Season Three I can’t imagine there will ever be a better way to explore the current American criminal justice system. It was 2018’s version of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle. It may not change national food safety standards, but it hopefully will do something perhaps even more important: it will make us never again take lightly the election of local judges and sheriffs. It was a podcast for the heart, the head, and the time capsule.

4.) Black Mirror - “Hang the DJ” I know this technically came out December 29th 2017 but I’m counting it here because nothing was more 2018 than this. The sadness, the isolation, the uncertainty, the living in a world you don’t understand the rules of anymore, the unfairness of modern life, but the ultimate perseverance of hope and love: it’s all there in the best episode of Black Mirror’s third season. It made me cry out of sadness and happiness in equal measure. Could anything be more 2018 than that?

5.) Kesha at the Grammys Ok so maybe one thing was more 2018.

The Grammys, an organization led by Neil Portnow, a man who said this year that “women need to step up”, and an organization that didn’t offer its one female Album of the Year nominee a solo performance spot, also offered us 2018’s most powerful show of female solidarity and one of the most moving moments of the Me Too era. It all amounted to the perfect encapsulation of this year. Kesha scream crying and then collapsing into a sea of strong supportive women WAS 2018.

6.) Eighth Grade My favorite movie of the year was also the year’s best horror movie. It was so real, and visceral, and intense, and frightening that at times I literally had to remind myself to breathe. I watched at least half the movie through my fingers and on the edge of my seat. Proving what everyone who has lived through it already knows: there’s nothing in the world more terrifying than being in junior high.

7.) Big Mouth Speaking of junior high, the other side of the pain and trauma of growing up is humor, so why it took this long for someone to make a comedy series explicitly about puberty is beyond me. I guess, of course, making a show like this work is a fine needle to thread. It wouldn’t work without being animated and being on a streaming service that lets them go as far as they did. It wouldn’t work without writing that is both laugh out loud funny and deeply compassionate and human in equal measure. And it wouldn’t work without one of the best voice casts on TV, including a true tour de force from Maya Rudolph. But work does it ever. In a just world junior high health class homework would be simply watching this show.

8.) Emma Gonzalez speech Here’s how long 2018 was: this was from 2018.

Finishing off my personal 2018 Growing Up Trifecta is the most powerful 12 minutes of the year. That high school students could be more inspiring, articulate, and better leaders than the President of the United States is sadly, at this point, a given. But that they are now more effective and efficient than him at starting genuine political movements still feels revolutionary. The kids are our future, and our future has never looked brighter.

9.) Childish Gambino - “This is America” video 100 years from now if theres only one cultural artifact that still exists and is still remembered from 2018 this will be it. A “you know where you were the first time you saw it” level cultural event. No song will ever be more closely associated with its music video, and no music video will ever be more of an avatar for an entire cultural moment than this. THIS is, of course, a truly shocking and horrifying (in a good way) music video from the former fifth lead of the TV show Community. A profound and brilliant piece of art underscored by a fun-sounding dance song. The year’s most complex and important social-political message delivered in 4 minutes via YouTube. This is America indeed.

10.) Drake - “God’s Plan” video While Donald Glover may have perfected the music video as art form, it goes without saying that long ago Drake mastered the music video as promotional tool. And in that sense the music video for “God’s Plan” seems like minor failure. It seemed to sort of come and go from the culture, especially in light of the success of the In My Feelings Challenge. But for me, there was nothing more heartwarming and human this year than watching Drake give away almost a million dollars to strangers. It was an idea so simple it’s shocking no one had ever done it before. And so affecting I was shocked it didn’t seem to penetrate the public consciousness more. There’s so much going on at all times now it’s hard for anything to truly break through all the noise, but this really deserved to. It’s impossible to watch this without smiling, and is there anything 2018 needed more than that?

11.) Nanette The dumbest debate this year was whether or not Nanette was stand up. Form and genre aren’t delineators still worth discussing in 2018. It’s now only about the message and the messenger, everything else is just details. An important fresh voice, the most timely, and sadly, timeless message imaginable, delivered in a way that reached and deeply affected seemingly every person you knew? What is there to debate? Nanette may or may not be stand up comedy, but it’s definitely RISE UP comedy. And in the end, that’s all that matters.

12.) Amber Says What Please click on the link above. The final two minutes are by far the best comedy of 2018. It still makes me laugh so hard that it causes me physical pain. You’ve been warned.

13.) A Star is Born trailers A Star is Born is maybe a perfect film. The performances, the songs, the direction, the fact that there’s literally no human being on earth who could have played her part and made the movie work like it did other than Lady Gaga. It was all perfect. But there was actually something better than watching A Star is Born: anticipating watching a A Star is Born. Before the first A Star is Born trailer came out I thought the whole project sounded dumb and unnecessary. After I finished watching the first trailer I knew I was going to see A Star is Born opening night. True story: I was at a movie where the same A Star is Born trailer got played three times in a row for some reason. And it was riveting every time. There was no grumbling at all in the audience, and I for one was sad when it didn’t replay a fourth time. So as much as I loved A Star is Born what I would really love is be able to still want to see A Star is Born for the first time.

14.) Ariana Grande - “thank u, next” It’s genuinely impressive that a song released in November could be the song I listened to by far the most this year. Somehow it took less than two months for this song to feel completely ubiquitous. Hell, even the PHRASE “thank u, next” is omnipresent now. Forget Song of the Summer, this was maybe our first Song of the Winter. Which is perfect because has a hit pop song ever sounded more winter? It’s cold, but it keeps you warm. It’s the sadness of the holidays with the life reaffirming joy of the holiday season. It’s a sweater for you to wear on the dance floor. And it’s clearly exactly the song so many of us needed. No matter how many times I’ve heard it (and as I said, I’ve listened to it, uh, A LOT) its existence feels like a holiday miracle. Having a new and fresh take on the breakup song in the year 2018? That shit IS amazing.

15.) The proposal at the Emmys This is literally the only thing anyone remembers about this year’s Emmys. It was amazing, and special, and made anyone who watched it believe in true love. But for me it still cant touch the most heart-melting awards show moment of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCJrku4fSxk

(Was this whole entry just an excuse to link to one of my absolute favorite YouTube clips? Perhaps.)

16.) Succession When I saw the promos for Succession I literally made the sound UGH out loud. The last thing the world needs is another show about rich white people behaving badly, I thought. How could there possibly be anything original left to say on that topic? Who on earth is still greenlighting shows like this in The Year of our Lord 2018?

People much smarter than I am clearly, that’s who.

Because from writing, acting, production design, direction - whatever element you want to focus on - this was the best and most exciting new show of 2018 by a wide margin. People have been saying for years that TV is the new movies; this show made movies look like the old TV. It was the most vibrant and perfectly crafted big budget feature film of 2018, stretched out over 8 episodes on HBO. Did it have anything new and important to say about the world? Probably not. And turns out, I couldn’t have cared less. The phrase compulsively watchable might have been invented just to describe the world these actors and writers created. I would watch the team involved with this show dry paint. 

17.) Angels in America on Broadway Angels in America is the best play of the past 30 years and its not even close. So the fact that it would get a production that’s this good is just unfair for everyone else on this planet who makes theater. It was so good it made all other plays I’ve seen since seem small and cheap and unimportant. It was such a towering achievement that it has made the entire rest of theater as an art form seem insignificant by comparison. When you hear old people talk about seeing Brando in Streetcar or watching the original production of Death of Salesman I now can relate to what they are talking about. I’ll be thinking about Andrew Garfield’s final monologue for the rest of my life. It was unfair that we the audience had to all leave the theater when the lights finally came up and that we couldn’t all just live in that feeling forever. The eight hours I spent watching this play are what art is all about.

18.) Jesse Plemons in Game Night If dying is easy, and comedy is hard, then they should cancel the Oscars and give Jesse Plemmons Best Supporting Actor right now for his work in Game Night. And ok, maybe it wasn’t the BEST performance of 2018, but it was DEFINITELY the best performance relative to what it needed to be. It should have been a dumb throwaway part in a big-budget mainstream ensemble comedy. But Jesse Plemmons crafted a performance so strange and singular and memorable that it elevated the entire movie into something way better than I’m sure even its creators expected. I legitimately don’t know how everyone didn’t break in every one of his scenes. It’s a master class in the comedic power of silence. It should be studied in acting classes everywhere. And 20 years from now when Game Night is considered a comedy classic, Jesse Plemmons will be the main reason why. You heard it here first.

19.) The 1975 - A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships Saxophones? Electric guitar solos? Backing choirs? A concept album about being uncomfortable with the internet? Dumb pretentious song titles? This album couldn’t be any more in my wheelhouse if I made it myself. Its best song is basically a modern reimagining of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” for God’s sake!

For me this wasn’t just an album, it was an experience. It was big music to get lost inside of. And I did. At age 36 it’s nice to know that sometimes I can still feel 16. And it’s fitting that a band named The 1975 would be the ones to make music that’s so transporting.

20.) Emma Stone Ok so as someone who once argued in this very space that Emma Stone deserved an Oscar nomination for Easy A, it’s clear I’m pretty deep in the tank for Emma Stone. But even an Emma Stone hater would have to admit than this was a banner year for Emma Stone. Signing up for the insane acting challenge that was Maniac and completely acing it while totally exposing two-time Oscar nominee Jonah Hill in the process? Going toe to toe with Olivia Colman in the battle of the best acting performances of the year in The Favourite? Coming across as more charming than Jennifer freaking Lawrence ?!?

2018 was Emma Stone’s year, we were all just living in it.

[rk800downloading]

“Save me” Chapter 15 - Connor x Reader

Disclaimer: Last chapter before the storm guys! Thank you all so much for reading this far. YOU are the heart of the story ❤ 

Previous Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14

“Detroit is so big!” You gasped, eyes wide.  

Everything glowed neon above you - malls as big as skyscrapers, rails reaching so tall it seemed as if the trains flew through the clouds.

“Makes it easy to get lost, huh?” Tim squeezed your arm. “Stick with me okay?”

“Mhm!” You chirped, breathing in the sights and smells as if your life depended on it.

The sounds of street performers mixed with the chaotic noises of politics, store chimes, and chatter. For once, you felt so alive, so exhilarated.

You loved the city, loved how people would run around with their coffee cups spilling, how they would smile and swear - had places to be, family to visit.

If you lived here - in a sleepless city with bustling people - would it make you feel less alone?

Would you have things to do?

People to visit?

A strange heat began forming in your eyes.

“Tim,” your voice wavered, “do you ever think I could live in a place like this?”

“What do you mean?” He led you to a bench overlooking a fountain.

You bit your lip. “I don’t think I’m going to be adopted.”

“Hey, now,” Tim’s expression grew sad, “why would you say that?”

“I’ve watched so many kids come and go.” You breathed deeply. “I’m not dumb. I know that no one wants me, I’m worthless.”

Tim pulled your head to his shoulder, letting you hide the tears threatening to fall.

“You can’t base your value off others - those people who don’t want to adopt you are all idiots. They’re nervous of how smart you are, how much talent you possess.”

You sniffled into his sleeve, “Ugh, you’re so full of crap - but thank you.”

“I’m not just saying things.” Tim laughed, stroking your hair. “I’m not programed to be inefficient, why would I waste time lying?”

You sat up, rubbing your eyes. “I guess I’ll believe you.”

“And you know,” Tim smiled at you, gaze sparkling - full of hope. “If you want to live in Detroit one day, I believe that you will.”

---

“Clothes,”

“Money - in cash,”

“And a cellphone.”

The three of you stood in Hanks room, over the scattered contents of the black bag.

You had steeled your emotions, focused your mind. You weren't a police officer. You had no training on offense, defense, or investigation - but you were no longer a girl who would hide while others protected you.

Today you would visit the graves of children and your family.

Today you would hunt for GOR - you would find Tim.

But first, you needed to understand why you were at this motel before - to connect the last piece of the missing memories. Or, at least attempt to.

“Clothes makes sense, you obviously planned to stay in Geneva for a few days,” Hank mumbled, crossing his arms.

“Not the cash though.” Your eyes narrowed. “I never carry cash - I'm always broke. There must be at least 500 here.”

“525 dollars,” Connor corrected. “But nothing appears to be suspicious about their serial numbers - no correlation of where the bills came from.”

“The cellphone though…”  Hank’s gaze rested on the device. “Gotta be something here.”

You watched as Connor grabbed the phone, hand fading to white. The screen booted up at his touch, prompting a password.

“4678,” You spoke without hesitation - it was a number you could never forget.

Connor’s eyes shifted to you, head tilted. “4678… What is the significance of these numbers?”

You blinked hard, caught off guard by the question.

Why did he want to know?

“Well it’s George, Ophelia, Richard, Tim. The first letter of their names in T9.”

“G, O, R…” his LED blinked yellow. “...T?”

“Shit.” Hank shook his head. “It was so fuckin’ simple it pisses me off. He made an alias out of the people he killed?”

Your lips grew thin.

This whole time, you secretly wanted to believe in Tim and your childhood memories of him - but the evidence was damning. It continued to pile up - started to make you feel numb to Tim and who he used to be.

“Apparently.” You choked back your building disgust and stuffed it deep into your stomach. “Any clues on the phone?”

“Two messages,” Connor offered you a look at the screen. “From an android.”

You squinted at the pixelated font.

(2) New messages (15 d ago): (01-16-400) 089-567-888.

“This isn’t even a proper phone number, how could I have received texts from it? How do you know it’s an android?”

“Androids don’t communicate using hand-held devices. We contain a radio transmitter and receiver within our audio biocomponents that allow us to communicate with each other as well as other electronic devices via data packets and electrical signals, but because it is apart of our OS-”

“Connor. Please.” Hank interrupted, sighing exasperatedly “Simple.”

“My apologies.” Connor rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Androids have cell phones built into their ears, but because they are a part of our bodies, we don’t have normal phone numbers - instead we use our serial numbers.”

You grimaced. “So this is probably Tim’s serial number?”

“The prefix of numbers ‘01-16-400’ do indicate an AP400 model.”

“The same model as the one who left the handprint on her neck… Yeah, that sounds about right.” Hank rose from the motel carpet, pacing around the room. “Alright, what do those texts say?”

You pressed on the screen, revealing only symbols and binary.

“They don't say anything.” Connor’s voice grew irritated as he tried to access the messages. “I don't detect any malfunctions in the phone. The data packet must have been corrupted before it even sent - it would take days to decrypt this.”

“Of course, why would it ever be easy?” Hank grumbled, pulling a beer from the room’s mini fridge.

“A beer?” Connor was skeptical “Really Hank? It is currently 9:02 in the morning...”

“Shut up. It helps me think.”

“Pass me one?” you asked, receiving an even more incredulous look - you had never seen Connor's eyebrows raised so high.

“That's my girl!” Hank laughed, tossing a can in your direction.

You gave Connor a quick smile before popping the tab and sucking back the bubbles. Its bitter carbon snapped at your throat, working the gears in your brain, forcing you to think.

“Okay, so we know I had contact with Tim before I came to Geneva. The message was from 15 days ago, and I checked in to this motel 12 days ago, right? Is that all we’ve learned?”

“No, there is something else as well…” Connor shook away his shocked expression, taking on a serious tone. “Tim must have already been damaged when he sent these messages. Do either of you remember how Tim looked when we saw him at the abandoned warehouse?”

“That’s a no from me.” Hank gulped down the last of his drink. “I kind of fucking tripped and knocked myself out, just in case anyone forgot.”

Your shoulders rattled from holding in laughter.

Hank glared.

“It’s not funny, not at all,” you sputtered, before regaining your composure. “I can remember, but it’s blurry.”

“I’ll draw it.” Connor stood, grabbing a small notepad and pen from the room’s desk. All you could hear was a flurry of scribbles before he returned 30 seconds later.

“Wow,” You and Hank spoke in unison, nodding in appreciation of the artwork. Connor’s ‘scribble’ was worthy to hang in The Louvre.

“It’s a masterpiece, isn’t it?” You looked in awe.

Hank pompously moved a hand to his mouth, taking on a pretentious tone. “Doesn’t it invoke a feeling of sadness? That’s what I’m getting from it.”

“Yes… Quite.”

“Mmm.”

Connor sighed, “No- the details, look at the details!” he pointed vigorously. “The jaw! Look at the way it’s slacked!”

You looked closely at the picture, piecing it together with what you could remember about the encounter.

“That’s right, his jaw looked stretched...”

“Yes,” Connor straightened out his leather jacket. “I’ll try to spare you the complex explanation this time Hank, but as I’ve said before, androids are made in the same anatomy as humans. There is a joint that connects the jaw to the ear - stretching out the jaw would cause system errors to the audio biocomponent - to his transmitter - effectively corrupting any outgoing data packets and signals.”

Hank leaned against the wall. “So, you’re saying his jaw was fucked before he sent the messages and that’s why they were damaged?”

You frowned. “But that could have happened when he murdered everyone in the orphanage - they would have fought back.”

“Androids are both faster and stronger than humans.” Connor’s voice was grave. “From the picture I’ve seen, no one looked physically able to even dent him without a gun, and there was no evidence - from the way his jaw looked or the police records of the incident - that a gun was ever involved.”

“Get to the point, kid.” Hank’s gaze sharpened.

Connor sat on the edge of the bed, resting both his hand between his legs.

“Something isn’t… making sense. The android from your memory said he was the only android Tim ‘kept around’. I think it is safe to assume that the rest of the androids were disassembled like the one we saw in the warehouse. What I’m concerned about is who made Tim’s face look like that. An extreme amount of force must have been exerted.”

“Could that be why he was talking about revenge?” you added. “He said something about taking revenge out on someone when he broke that android.”

“You think there’s someone else involved?” Hank’s curiosity piqued.

“Someone strong enough to damage him to the point that he would want to retaliate?” Your brain hurt from all the information, all the new ideas. “Could someone have taken revenge on Tim for what he did to the orphans?”

The room fell silent.

Your head was spiraling - you felt dizzy, sick. 

GOR, Tim, murder, red ice, thirium, blood...

Revenge.

And now something - or someone else.

“Fuck!” Connor swore, breaking the pen in his hand. “I don’t know…!”

Hank pushed himself off the wall, reaching into his pocket.

“Only one way to find out, kid.”

The jangle of his keys echoed throughout the room.

“Lets go ask the bastard ourselves.”

Next Chapter: CHAPTER 16

[ruminativerabbi]

Three Good People

Just this week, three separate emails landed in my inbox that actually made me feel encouraged and hopeful about the future. Since so much of what I’ve written about lately has been so dour and/or anxiety-provoking, I thought I’d change up the pace this week and write instead about three recent events that made me feel hopeful about the future.

First up was the speech delivered at an American Jewish Committee forum in Brussels last week by Sebastian Kurz, the chancellor of Austria (and at age thirty-three the youngest serving head of government in the world). My feelings about Austria in general are complicated, and not least of all because my initiation into the whole world of Shoah-displaced people was via my parents’ next-door neighbors who were refugees from Austria and whose stories of life in Nazi Vienna were beyond terrifying. Nor have my sentiments become less complex with the passage of time, as I continue to marvel at the Austrians’ post-war success in turning themselves from a nation of avid Nazi supporters who enthusiastically welcomed union with Germany in 1938 into, by war’s end just eight years later, a victim nation to be pitied and rebuilt. Nor was this a momentary lapse of reasonableness: the so-called “victim theory,” according to which Austria had nothing for which to apologize and no sins for which to atone became the foundational idea of post-war Austria for decades and decades, only giving way to a more nuanced understanding of Austria’s role in the war (and in the exile and extermination of its Jewish citizenry) after Kurt Waldheim, a former Nazi officer, became Federal President of Austria in 1986 and forced the issue onto the public stage both in Austria and abroad.

That was then, however. And now is a whole ’nother story. I first became interested in Sebastian Kurz when I read a transcript of a speech he delivered last June in Jerusalem at a forum sponsored by the American Jewish Committee. One by one, the man addressed every skeleton in his nation’s closet, forcing both air and light into that traditionally very dark space and speaking words that would once have seemed impossible to hear from an Austrian politician. 

First, he took on the myth of Austrian victimhood. “Austria used to see itself as the first victim of the Nazis,” he said plainly enough. But then he went on to make his real point. “That is certainly true for all those who fought in the resistance, whom we cannot thank enough. But the ones who gathered in large numbers in Vienna in March 1938 [i.e., when Germany incorporated Austria into the Reich] were not victims. The ones who watched and participated when their neighbors were robbed, thrown out, and murdered were not victims. And the ones who committed the terrible mass murder of Jews were not victims at all. To remember means to admit the truth. At that time, many Austrians supported a system which killed over 6 million Jews from all over Europe and beyond, among them more than 60,000 fellow Austrian Jewish citizens in Austria alone!”

I was impressed. But he went much further. He admitted that Shoah survivors were specifically not welcomed back to Austria after the war and that his nation’s lack of generosity towards people who had been publicly humiliated and robbed of their possessions was a heavy burden all Austrians must now bear. And then he went on to talk about the efforts being made to foster what he called “a culture of commemoration” in Austria’s schools and to create a Shoah memorial in Vienna. Finally, he spoke warmly about his nation’s ongoing support for Israel, announced a million-Euro gift to Yad Vashem, and concluded with these words: “Let me state very clearly: Austria supports Israel and the global fight against anti-Semitism not for political or economic reasons, but as part of our friendship, of our moral obligation, to humanity. Only if Jewish people can live without restriction in peace and security can the eternal call “never forget” truly become a “never again.”

But that was last year’s speech and now, just this last week, Chancellor Kurz was back at an AJC forum, this one in Brussels, to talk about the resurgence of European anti-Semitism. I listened carefully and I recommend that my readers all do too. (You can click here to hear the speech, which is only less than twenty minutes long. Skip forward to the eleven-minute mark in the clip, which is where Kurz begins to speak. There is no translator; Kurz speaks in excellent, clear English.)  Again, he speaks openly about the grief and guilt he feels as a citizen of Austria when he contemplates his nation’s role in the Shoah. (He uses the term “Shoah” too, which also impressed me for some reason.) He resumes his theme about the importance of supporting Israel, which he references as a “stronghold of democracy, rule of law, and prosperity in the Middle East and in the whole world.” But this speech was primarily about anti-Semitism and I found his comments so important that I want to share them with you all in detail.

He declares openly that, in his opinion (as in mine), “anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism are often two sides of the same coin.” The latter especially is not to be confused with being opposed to this or that Israeli policy; anti-Zionism is the global refutation of Israel’s right to exist and the Chancellor correctly understood that there can be no more precise definition of anti-Semitism than that. Particularly moving were his comments about anti-Semitism on the micro level: “No one, no matter who they are, where they are from, or what their faith is, must ever feel afraid to walk in the streets of any European country. We owe this assurance to all people in Europe and especially to the Jewish community.” Try to imagine Kurt Waldheim saying those words other than perhaps sarcastically!

I encourage you to watch the speech and to listen. There are so many horrific things in the world, so many haters, so much violence, so many reasons to feel unsafe and insecure. And then this one person appears on the stage, this very young man, who seems to see things clearly, who is in a position to make a huge difference, and who does not seem to fear speaking his mind openly and courageously. I listened to the youtube clip three times in a row and can only say that Sebastian Kurz accomplished something that I can’t recall an Israeli or American politician doing in quite some time: he made me feel fully hopeful that there are good people in the world…and that the world will be a safer and better place because such people exist in it.

And then I listened to two other speeches and was just as impressed. It was, given my generally dour mood over these last months, a remarkable experience.

First, I listened to the speech Representative Steny H. Hoyer (D-Maryland) delivered at AIPAC last Monday. He’s a good speaker, but it was the content of his remarks that I found so heartening: here was a Democrat—and not just a Democrat but the Democrat serving as House Majority Leader—who spoke passionately about his support for Israel in the way that was clearly meant to distance himself and his colleagues from the two outspoken anti-Israel Democrats in the House, Ilhan Omar (D-Minnesota) and Rashida Tlaib (D-Michigan). When he dared any who would accuse Israel supporters of dual loyalty to include him in their charge, he sounded to me like an old-time Democrat for whom standing with Israel publicly and unambivalently would have been as natural as supporting any other one of our nation’s allies. His language was clearly aimed at those, like Omar and Tlaib, who frame their criticism of Israel using anti-Semitic tropes. He said that he and most Democrats stand “proudly and unapologetically” with Israel. He announced plans to lead a large delegation of Democrats to Israel later in the year. But most heartening of all was when he said this: “I am part of a large, bipartisan coalition in Congress supporting Israel. I tell Israel's detractors: accuse us. And millions of Americans, regardless of race or faith or partisan label, stand with Israel because they understand why our relationship with Israel is so important. Accuse us all!” He took a lot of heat for those words later on, including from some of his own colleagues, and tried to make it clear that he was speaking for Israel rather than against any specific individual. But his words were clear and heartfelt. I came away remembering that although Israel has some vocal enemies in Congress, it also has many friends…among whom Steny Hoyer certainly deserves to be numbered.

And then I listened to my third speech of the week, the one delivered at AIPAC by Joan Ryan, who just quit the Labour Party after forty years as a Labour M.P. in the British House of Commons over the issue of the anti-Semitism that has gripped the party under the leadership of Jeremy Corbin, whom she described openly as someone who “proudly declares Hamas and Hizbollah to be his friends” and who now “seeks to demonize and delegitimize Israel.”  She isn’t alone, of course: nine other Labour M.P.’s have quit the party in recent weeks over the rampant anti-Semitism and virulent anti-Israelism of is leader. For her decision to join them, she has been rewarded with what she herself characterized as a “torrent of abuse” that included threats of murder and rape. And yet she has stood her ground and spoke at AIPAC with a kind of confidence born of profound conviction. 

I’d like to give her the final word because I was so impressed with her remarks. “Sticking to your convictions,” she said, “isn’t always popular but it is always right.” (We all think that in theory, but which of us has paid the price Joan Ryan has for putting our money where our mouths are?) And then, after mentioning the vicious threats she has had to endure, she waved them all away graciously and bravely, noting that threats like that only strengthen her resolve to stand up for British Jews from attacks from the right and from the left, and to stand up for Israel. And she openly called on us all to “stand together—proud of each other and proud of Israel in the battles that lie ahead.”

So after so much dour news from so many different quarters and for so many months, these three speeches helped me recall that there really are decent people out there who have no trouble standing up for what they perceive to be right. That none of the people cited above is Jewish or a citizen of Israel also means a lot to me: it’s so easy to feel alone in this uncaring, dismal world that it is incredibly encouraging to recall that we aren’t alone, and that Israel also isn’t. The sonim won’t go away. But apparently neither will the good people. And where good people stand their ground and face down their foes, history has taught us again and again that they eventually prevail.