#for what it’s worth I also dance like Elaine

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

Pedro Pascal dances like Elaine Benes.

[crossfandomslut]

At Peace in Your Fire pt. 5

At Peace in your Fire pt 5

Summary: Y/n and Eris exchange letters and the high lord’s meeting...

Pairing: Eris/Archeron!Reader

Word Count: 4,500

Warnings: Fluff mostly haha I couldn't bring myself to make it angsty I'm sorry! Not proof read

Notes: Thank you all for waiting and I hope part 5 is worth it!!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Eris,

If you so eagerly await my response, I suppose I will take pity on you and make haste in sending my next letter. I am relieved to know that my feelings of curiosity are not one sided and that I did not scare you off with my… outburst during our dance. I would be lying if I said I was not hurt by your abrupt exit and refusal to make eye contact afterward. Has no one ever spoken to you so freely, Heir of Autumn?

My kindest regards,

Y/n

Little dove,

It would be and understatement to say that I’m embarrassed by my actions that night in Hewn City. Truth be told, no. Only my own mother has spoken to me in such a way that made me feel scolded, shameful, and yet… also feel seen. No one has looked at me with such softness. If you truly knew me and the things I have done, you would not look at me like that. You certainly would not be writing to me. But the deeply selfish part of myself will not stop you. I will respond to every letter and lay my soul bare to you in hopes that with your kind eyes you will see something worthy in it. You are the most precious being I have ever met and if all I ever get is a few letters from you and one night of dancing, that will be enough. It may be all of which I am worthy.

Yours,

Eris

Y/n read that letter over and over again. Traced his words with her fingertips and memorized every line. She did not know what it was about him, but she couldn’t get enough of him. It was like her own soul longed for his. There was no reason for this feeling, but it held her in a tight grip. She knew she should not keep him waiting, but she needed to talk to her sister about this. It couldn’t be Feyre; she was already keeping her little crush a secret from Rhys. If she knew Y/n and Eris were sending letters to each other, she would have to tell her mate. So, she went to her sister who would, without a doubt, keep this secret. Nesta.

Y/n quickly found Cassian and asked to go see her sisters at the House of Wind, and he swept her up and flew her over. I should learn to use my wind to learn to fly… Y/n thought as they landed on the roof of the house. Cassian left Y/n to go look for her sister and he walked to the living room to wait for her. He was just happy to have an excuse to not do real work and Rhys couldn’t get mad because he was helping Y/n!

Nesta was exactly where Y/n knew she would be. In the library. “Hey, Nes!”

“Hey flame, how’s it going living with the worst high lord ever and his lackies?”

“Nes…”

“I know, I know, they’ve been great to you and you’re adapting like you always do. I still don’t know where you got that from. It’s not like our parents were fluid or easy going.”

“I don’t know Nes, sometimes what we learn from our parents is what we don’t want to become. Fey and I are the youngest, we got to watch you and Elain learn and make mistakes so we never had to. We were lucky in that way.”

“Yeah. Not in many other ways though.” Nesta looked at her sister with a tenderness only reserved for her and Elain. Y/n wasn’t sure why Nesta and Feyre butted heads so much, but it broke her heart. Something to focus on another time. For now, she was here to ask for advice from her oldest sister.

“Nes, I need to tell you something and it can not leave this room.”

“Like I ever leave this room?”

Y/n chuckled, “fair enough. Okay… you remember Eris?”

“Did he finally grow a pair and send you a letter?”

Y/n balked at her sister’s bluntness. “You know??”

Nesta barked out a luagh, “of course I know! You didn’t see the way he looked at you when you fell unconscious during the meeting. Hell- he caught you before you could hit the ground and looked ready to kill Azriel when he took you from his arms.”

“Wh-what?”

“Oh yeah, he’s like obsessed with you. So what did his letter say?”

Y/n pulled out the letters from Eris and showed them to her sister, also telling her what she had responded.

“Damn, he is way more obsessed with you than I thought. Have you replied to this one?”

“No, not yet. I needed to talk to you about it. What do I do Nes? The rest of the family hates him and thinks he’s a terrible male. They’ve known him for literal centuries, so who am I to say that he’s not bad and tell them they ‘just don’t know him’?”

“I don’t know flame, the way he looked at you that night and the way he’s writing to you, I think it’s worth sending a few more letters back and forth. You know I’m quick to read people, and that look was not the look of someone plotting to take advantage or use you. I think he’s genuine.”

“Okay. Thank you, Nes. Do you have a quill and parchment?”

Eris has been sweating all damn day. Every second alone he got he was practically running to the nearest window to look at the sky in search of a letter. It went on like this until the sun began to set, casting the Autumn Court sky a rich, golden glow. Eris finally returned to his rooms, lit the fire in the hearth and slumped into his chair. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh of relief to finally get some peace and quiet.

A tapping sounded on his window startled him from his thoug. A piece of parchment was impatiently running itself into the glass on a phatntom wind and Eris shot from his chair to stumble over to the window and throw it open. He snatched the letter from the air and felt like the air was sucked from his lungs. He couldn’t breathe as he fumbled the letter open.

Dear Eris,

I want to start by thanking you for your candor and beautiful words. Secondly, I want to appologize for taking my time responding. I wanted to give you a response thoughtful and thorogh enough to encapsulate my true feelings. I want to know you, the real you, desperately. I want to see the good, the bad, and the ugly and to hold space for you to be. I don’t know where that desire comes from, but I feel it. You feel so familiar to me although we have only formally met once. Outside of my sisters you feel like the only right thing in this new world and new life. My kindness is not wasted on you, my dear. You are deserving and you are enough. Let me see your rough edges and I will show you mine.

Tentatively  yours,

Y/n

Eris could have cried reading that letter, but instead he sucked in a deep breath that gave oxygen to the fire burning in his heart. He was trying not to allow himself to hope before, but now… Y/n had shattered all prospect of that. For the first time in a long time, Eris was hopeful. He laughed softly, joyfully, as he wrote back to her.

Little dove,

I can’t tell you how your words have effected me. I will hold onto these letters for all my enteral days and when you finally see me, and realize you shouldn’t associate with me, I will re-read your kind words and dream about a time that you saw me as worthy. Since you want to know me, here are a few small things: I own and care for a pack of hunting dogs, they’re called smokehounds. I tell everyone I don’t have a favorite, but that’s a lie, I do and her name is Willow. She is my oldest hound and has been my companion for many years. Smokehounds live much longer that any human dog, much like us Fae, but they sadly do not live eternal lives. The reason I tell no one that she’s my favorite is because I fear it being used against me. Compassion has always been seen as a weakness and something to exploit by my father and brothers. The next second fact about me is that until very recently, my favorite color was the marage of oranges and yellows of the trees in this court. Now, however, my favorite color is that of your eyes. Your stunning eyes that bless my dreams and every waking moment. I long for the next time I’m lucky enough to be in your presence and catch a glimpse of the gold flecks that litter them and the crease between your brows as you look at me like a puzzle to solve. Now, tell me about you, my dove.

Yours for as long as you let me,

Eris

Dear Eris,

I am at a loss for words. But for you, I will do my best to string some together. I think it’s beautiful that you have a favorite hound. I was never allowed an animal companion, but I always admired the hunters who had hounds to work with them, to share in their victories and comfort them in their losses. Tell me more about Willow. What does she like to hunt? What was she like as a pup? As for my favorite color, my answer is strikingly simlar to yours. Until recently, my favorite color was the deep green of a rain covered forrest. So dark that only the animals that lived there, and those with keen trained eyes could seem through the under brush. But now, my favorite color is the red of your hair that falls so delecately to your shoulders, and even though the rest of you is so sharp and put together, your hair still falls into your face. When I close my eyes to dream, I see your amber eyes and your soft auburn locks, and I dream of bruhsing the strands away form your eyes to look at your fully. Since we are being so honst with each other, I’m not embarassed to say such things. And I want to thank you for making me feel so comfortable to express my thoughts. I have lived so much of my life in silence, only broken by my sisters and not until we were too old to change each other’s ways. Us Archeron’s are stubborn ladies and we like to handle things on our own. I am grateful that after our mother died, we learned to lean on each other. It sounds like you have a much different relationship with your brothers… Tell me about that. If youre comfortable of course. I am growing rather fond of exchanging these letters.

Y/n

Little dove,

Please, never be embarassed for speaking your truth. I find you so refeshing and lovely. I have not felt this way for someone before. I am known for being cruel and ridgid and unyeilding, but you, Dove, have made me soft in a way I didn’t know I was capable of, and it feel so strange because I hardly know you at all. I have known your dear sisters to be stubborn, and I’m ammused to know it is a family trait. What was your mother like? Your father? My brothers are terrible and vile. All but my youngest, Lucien. I tried to protect them form my father’s corruption, but I failed them. Baron’s cruelty knows no bounds and he will go to any extreme for complete submission. My mother is the only light in this dark house and I have watched that light slowly dim my whole life. It scares me greatly. I am glad to hear that you found a support system in your sisters. That is a beautiful thing and something to be admired. You asked about Willow, and to answer, she has been with me for one hundred and fifty-seven years. Smoke hounds rarely make it past one-hundred and fifty. She has exceeded my expectations year after year since the day she was born. Her mother wandered off during a winter storm to give birth. When I went out to the den to check on her the next morning, I saw the trail of blood in the snow. I followed it straight to where she had curled up under a low tree branch and found all the puppies dead. All but Willow. The brave girl started barking at me to protect her falled family. She even bit me as I picked her up to tuck into my cloak. She warmed up to me as soon as we were inside by the fireplace. She has been my shadow since then. No longer hunting with me, but lays at my feet in my office and sleeps at the foot of my bed. If the maids have ever noticed the hair she’s left behind, they havent told anyone. Somehow, she knows that when we are outside of my bedchambers, I have to wear a mask of annoyance and indiffernece to her. She has never taken it personally and never loved me any less. I dread the day I lose her, my dearest friend.

Yours,

Eris

Y/n’s POV

Weeks pass in a blur while Y/n and Eris exchange letters daily, each of them still going about their regular duties and responsibilies. Y/n, continuing her training with Cassian and Azriel, strengthening her magic with Rhysand, and furthering her education of Prythian’s history with Amren. She also found plenty of time to spend time with Nesta at the House of Wind, occasionally Eris’ letters found her there and she could talk to her oldest sister about their growing relationship, giggling like a little girl. Y/n had never been in love before, but she had a sneaking suspicion that it felt a little something like this.

While she trained and learned, the rest of the Inner Cirlce was preparing for a High Lord’s meeting that would be cunducted in the Dawn Court. It would be the first time Feyre and Rhys would see Tamlin since Hibern, and Tarquin since they betrayed him. It would also be Y/n’s first time seeing Eris. And though she knew they would likely not even be able to make eye contact more than once, she was giddy at the chance to be in the same room as him.

They would be leaving in the morning for Dawn, and Y/n couldn’t sleep. So she sent a letter to Eris.

Dearest Eris,

I fear I can not sleep, for my body is alight with excitement. Excitement to see a new court, yes… but truthfully, the root of my excitement is getting to see you. Even if we cant be as close as I wish for us to be, I look forward to catching your burning gaze once or twice. Promise you’ll space me a glace?

Yours,

Y/n

My Dove,

I promise. I must tell you that it will be quite the struggle not to stare at you for the entirety of the meeting. My soul calls to yours and I fear being in such close proximity will test my strength greatly. If you would allow me such a gift, I would like to meet you after the meeting. Long after everyone has gone to their own chambers, I would desperately like to meet you in the hallway. Hold your gentle, caloused hands, stare into your captivating eyes, and take in your intoxicating scent. I’m willing to beg for it.

Wholly yours,

Eris

Dearest Eris,

I eagly await tomorrow’s arrival.

Yours,

Y/n

Y/n hardly slept a wink the rest of that night and was startled awake by Cassian banging on her door.

“Y/n!! Wake up! Everyone’s ready to winnow out of here and you’re holding us up!”

“Coming!!” Luckily, Feyre had already helped her pack and set out a dress for the meeting. The Dawn Court was warmer than Night, but not as hot as Day. The dress they selected had long sleves but was made of a gossimer type fabric that flowed around her as she rushed around the room getting herself together. They allowed her to stay out of the shades of black that this court is known for, and instead she dawned a dress of greys and whites. Like a cloud of smoke. Dainty red flats aroned her feet, swallowed by the skirt of the gown. Her own secret piece of Eris.

Y/n ran down the hallway and slid ot a halt, tossing her gab at Rhys. “Catch!”

Rhys opened a portal to the pocket dimension inches away from his face where the bag was aimed. “Nice try Y/n. Your aim is improving.” Patting her on her shoulder and smiling at her with a small gimler of pride. “Ready to go?” Rhys raked his eyes around the room and with a nod from everyone, they partnered up and winnowed to the Dawn Court.

Dawn was stunning. Y/n had expected nothing less. She had asked Amren all about it during their history lessons, and Eris of what he knew of it through their letters. The tall ceilings and elegant art work hanging from the walls had her in a state of awe. That awe multiplied ten-fold when Eris walked in with his court. His father entered first, not bothering to look at anyone other than the other High Lords essembled. Eris was right behind him, wearing a calm, bored expression. His brothers entered next, all wearing sneers and sinister grins looking right to the inner circle. Their father didn’t bother to check them. But Eris did. A step behind his father, Eris murmered, “Enough,” and his younger brothers fell into line. All three of them. Eris kept his promise, and spared Y/n a glance. His eyes softened and those pools of molten gold swept her away. Suddenly and without warning, her heart stopped beating and a golden thread was pulled tight between them. His eyes widened inperceptibly as that golden thread snaped.

Mate.

The rest of the meeting was a disaster and no real consesus was drawn. Everyone decided to reconvene the next morning and Thesan was kind enough to house them all for the night. Y/n and Eris had somehow managed to wordlessly decide to put up a glamour to hind the scent of the mating bond, and they hardly made eye contact. The only times they did were when Eris let a tiny bit of fear slip down the bond whenever Baron started to get riled up. It took all of Y/n’s power to stay still when Azriel lunged across the table to attack him. Eris had called Mor a slut, so Y/n couldn’t say she was surprised, but she wished he didn’t have to make it so hard to prove to people that he was a good male.

After much deliberation with the inner circle back in their wing of the castle, Rhys finally sent everyone to bed. Y/n made the excuse that she was going to make more tea before going, and with hugs from Feyre and Rhys, and bids goodnight from Mor, Az and Cassian, Y/n was finally alone. She was serious about the tea, and when it was thoroghly steeped, she grabbed the two mugs and used her magic to create air cushions to silnce her foot steps and padded down the grand hallway. Out of her formal gown, Y/n wore a chocolate brown sweater and loose grey pants. The pants were so long, they once again covered up her little red slippers.

When she reached the private garden for this wing of the castle, she sat down on the edge of the fountain to wait for Eris. Her mate.

Eris’ POV

Baron was snoring almost as soon as they reached their wing of the elaborate castle. It was his brothers that he had to wait out. When they had their fill of the liqour Thesan had left in the rooms, they went to their bedchambers to sleep it off. As Eris was sneaking toward the door that would lead him to the rest of the castle’s hallways, his mother stepped in front of him. “Where are you going my dear?’

“Mother, I have to go, I will explain later. Please, excuse me-“

“Are you going to see her? The one you’ve been exchanging letters with?”

“How-“

“Eris, my darling boy, what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t notice my own son was in love?”

“She’s my mate, mother.” Eris’ voice was barely audible, and the crack in it made a tear roll down the Lady of Autumn’s cheek.

“My love, I am so happy for you. Go to her. Tell me everything when we are home and safe from unwanted ears.” She cupped her son’s cheek and gave him a quick kiss to the other before turning away and walking back toward her own room.

Eris let out a shaky breath and went out the door. Once he was standing in the hall, he opened his side of the bond. He sent cautious optomism down it that was returned with reasurance and hope. He followed that tug all through the winding halls until he was stood before the gateway to the garden.

He saw her before she saw him, and he took the moment to appreciate her in this place. No longer dolled up, but comfortable in her too-large sweater. And with her leg propped up on the bench, her chin resting on her knee, he could see the firey red slippers she had on. That alone made a stream of love shoot down the bond involuntarily, and Y/n gasped as she looked up to see him standing just on the otherside of the gate. The love that came back to him just about made his knees buckle.

Wasting no more time, he threw the gate open and took quick long strides until he was towering over her. Slowly, Y/n stood to close the distance between them. They were so close that with every breath, their chests touched. Tentatively, slowly, Y/n moved her hands to hold his, and brought each of them to her lips to kiss the tops of them. Eris wasn’t breathing. And it wasn’t Y/n magic that stole the air from his lungs, it was just her. Using all his strength, he looked her in the eyes and saw his own soul mirrored in hers.

“Hello, my dove.” Eris spoke just above a whisper.

“Hello, my mate.” Y/n eyes shone with hope and awe, but the slight furrow in her brows gave away her confusion.

“Mate.” Eris blew out a breath and said, “I am sorry it had to be me.”

The wrinkle between her brows deepened. “Don’t do that. Don’t say that.”

Eris smiled slightly, “It’s true, my dear. You’ve been cursed. Must have to do with the whole ‘cauldron made’ thing.”

“Eris, I am not sorry. I wanted it to be you so badly. You are the only thing that makes sense in this new body, in this new world. I want it to be you.”

“You don’t mean that.” Eris tried to stop the self-depricating thoughts that flooded his mind, but he couldn’t get a grip on them. He was wrong and wicked and bad. And she was so good and kind and beautiful. The Mother made a mistake and he had to protect this delicate female before him or this world, he, would ruin her.

Y/n let go of his hands and he thought he might die. But then she moved them to cradle his jaw in her small, cold hands, and his mind went silent. The world seemed to stand still as she forced his eyes to meet hers once again.

“I want you. I want to continue to lay my soul bare to you and for you to do the same. That is all I am asking. Let me decide. I have been able to decide so little in my life, so please do not take that from me. If you decide for me that you are not worthy, I do not think I could bare it. I think this is the closest I’ve ever come to being in love and now that this- this bond has snapped, I can hardly stand being two feet away from you. I feel as though there is one too many of us; the seperation into two bodies is unbareable.”

Eris reached his right hand to cup her cheek, and the left to wipe away the stray tears that fell down her lovely face.

“I only understand your feelings because I feel them too, but I can not understand how I could ever be deserving of such a mate. I am quite choked with tenderness for you, my love, it makes me a bit pathetic to love you so much. What a privilege it is to matter to you. My mate.” Bless the bond for not allowing him to think for a minute that her feelings were not true. He could feel her senserity and it was now her turn to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I never, in my 500 years, thought that I would have a mate. I was resigned to the fact that one day, my father would find some poor female to wed me to and we would live a sad, lonely life together. To have found you now, after all these years, Y/n, you don’t understand what a gift you are. A bright light in a very dark, long tunnel.”

“Eris?”

“Yes, dove?”

“Will- will you kiss me please?”

He wasted no time. The kiss started passionate and heated and desperate. Grabbing each other’s faces and clothes, trying to clawl into the same skin. But slowly, the kissed turned gentle and loving and kind. The kind of kiss that two people who have spent a lifetime together share. A kiss of knowing and familiarity, because after all, they are two halves of the same coin.

Taglist: @abysshaven @myromanempiree @lilah-asteria @96jnie @ivy-34 @minaethrym @nebarious @anxious-study @slytherintaco @talesofadragon @paleidiot @marvelbros-oneshots @mariahoedt @tenebrisirae @st4r-girl-official @idkwahr @anyzandy

[clockwork-ashes]

All You Have Is Your Fire - Part XII

Find Part I here :)

Summary: 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Note: A huge thank you to the lovely @bettdraws who deserves all the credit for the post that inspired me to start writing this :) Another huge thank you to everyone reading! ALSO please look at this post, I gasped it's so lovely. All of @teddyhoneybear's moodboards are stunning <3

Tag List: @anishake / @nocasdatsgay / @mybestfriendmademe / @talibunny30 / @halfbutneverwhole / @wishfulimaginings / @goldenmagnolias / @emmers-bens123 / @cauldronblssd / @xirose / @rarephloxes / @thehighlordishere /

Elain held onto Lucien as he led her to the dance floor, their hands a perfect fit, shards of glass whose broken edges showed no crack when put together. 

Lucien’s steady presence was a comfort to Elain, especially as she felt the captivated looks of countless nobles fall on them. As though he could sense her unease, he traced his thumb along the knuckles of her fingers. 

Days before, Elain was certain she would have found the genuine gesture bothersome, but she was surprised as she felt a nervous weight slip off her shoulders. 

Elain was grateful, had come to the realisation as the two of them had entered the hall that no matter how many negative thoughts plagued her, Lucien and her were on the same side in this. Like allies in battle, Elain had no choice but to place all her trust in the man she had spent years avoiding. 

Elain had been the one to come for Lucien, after all. She had been the one to believe Eris’s words, had been the one to make the decision of travelling to Autumn, had then faced Beron and told him they were to be married. Each choice was her own, and Elain would stand by them stubbornly despite what anyone else might say.  

Elain bit her bottom lip as she looked to the edge of the dance floor, hoping she would spot Cora or even Eris, any familiar face would have been welcome in the sea of nobles. When her eyes instead fell on Lethe, beautiful and dangerous, Elain had to fight her sudden urge to scowl. 

Elain had not liked the way the other woman had touched Lucien’s shoulders, and while she could acknowledge her reaction was ridiculous, probably the pull of their bond, Elain decided that it might be best to keep Lethe away from her mate for the time being. 

She wanted to continue her search for Cora, but Elain knew the importance of remaining focused on the task at hand. Much depended on their performance, and Elain was determined to give everyone watching a show worth their while.

Lucien stopped, Elain’s steps halting as he raised her hand in a prompt for her to turn his way. Elain looked up at Lucien, breathing in sharply as he placed his broad hand on her waist. 

There were layers of fabric between them, and yet Elain felt the warmth of his skin seeping through her dress. She arched into him, hoping the onlookers spotted the subtle movement as she gave Lucien her undivided attention. 

The musicians played a note, letting it ring through the large space as all the couples prepared to dance.  

Elain felt herself blush, speaking to Lucien in a low voice so that no else could catch her words. Her cheeks heated under his gaze, “I hope you’re a good lead,” she clipped, offering him one of her friendliest smiles.  

Both of Lucien’s brows lifted as he flashed her a grin. “The best,” he reassured her, tone serious, but she felt the playfulness behind the statement through the bridge between their souls.

Elain had to fight back a giggle. Lucien was undeniably charming, and also unfairly handsome, especially so when he smiled. 

Elain usually pushed such thoughts aside, not allowing the quiet voice in her head that insisted Lucien was lovely to be heard. If she had considered the mating bond simply based on looks, Elain would already be married to him. Drawn to him like a moth to a flame, Elain let herself feel some of that desire, let it show on her face so that anyone might see it.

Elain kept her gaze on Lucien as he spoke, his golden eye whirring softly. “I trust you’ll be able to keep up?” He was so very fae, his russet eye almost seemed to glow in the dim firelight, hair wine red and looking soft as silk. 

“Definitely,” she said with a confident nod. 

Elain’s lips curled up in a knowing smile as she remembered how Nesta had dragged her to dancing lessons in Velaris. She had spent many evenings a handful of months before with Cassian, Azriel, and her older sister learning about all the popular dances in every court. She promised to herself as Lucien tightened his grip on her hand that she would have to thank Nesta for it when she returned to Night.   

The music rose around them, the beat so fast that despite how familiar Elain was with the traditional Autumn dance, she was still taken off guard as Lucien stepped back. 

Elain followed, laughing, hoping the sound of her genuine joy carried over the instruments, that the couples around her had heard. Beron had been convinced in the throne room, had believed they loved each other, but something in Elain’s gut told her the nobles in the ball room would be just as hard to convince.

Elain moved her feet quickly, hoping that she was dancing to match Lucien’s easy rhythm. He raised his hand elegantly, and Elain readied herself for the turns. 

Lucien spun Elain effortlessly, her skirts flaring around her. Elain gasped at the way the green fabric glimmered in the flames of the chandeliers, making it seem as though it was grass blowing in the wind. 

As Lucien once again pulled her towards him, Elain clumsily missed a few of the steps, his firm grip on her waist the only thing stopping her from crashing into his chest. “Did you see that?” She breathed, still marvelling at the talent Autumn court seamstresses must possess. 

“Breathtaking,” Lucien said, his eye dark with what could only be desire. The way the word fell from his tongue was enough to make Elain swoon, to make her believe he was not talking about the dress at all. 

Elain had to remind herself that he was simply acting the part of her betrothed, that he could not long for her in such a way. They were strangers.

He is mine. 

The thought crashed through her, and perhaps it was because she knew many were watching them, but she let it show on her features. 

Lucien pulled her closer still as the final notes of the song played, they shared the same air, the scent of sweet apples overwhelming her senses. Elain kept her steady gaze on him as the music came to a stop, as clapping could be heard for the orchestra. 

“That was fun,” Elain laughed, feeling awkward now that they were no longer dancing and Lucien still held her. She had always enjoyed dancing, especially when she had been a young girl in the human lands. 

Before Lucien could respond, the next song started, and many moved around them to stand by the dance floor’s edge. Even Lucien furrowed his brow, tucking Elain to his chest as the song continued. 

Elain recognized the music, knew it was a Night Court dance reserved only for lovers. She had seen Rhysand pull Feyre into his arms, humming the now familiar tune countless times so they could dance around the living room. 

She felt a sudden ache deep within her at the thought of her family, missing them all and wishing they were with her. 

Elain was grateful as Lucien spoke and dragged her from such thoughts. “Beron must have been very impressed by you, Lady Elain Archeron.” 

She almost snorted, doubting his words. “How can you say that?” They were nearly chest to chest, hardly any space between them, but Elain was glad that they could at least talk during this dance. 

Hearing her disbelief, Lucien continued. “Night Court music at an Autumn Court ball? That’s practically unheard of.” 

She turned her head to look at him, catching the sharp line of his jaw. They were so close, Elain could only see his profile, and was tempted to rest her cheek against him. Instead, she said, “That’s good, it must mean that I’m endearing myself to your family.” She watched as Lucien could not hold back a wince, understanding that perhaps the topic of his family was not a good one, Elain asked him a question. “Lethe and Kai, they’re old friends of yours?”

Elain was curious, wanted to know more about them and hoped Lucien would share some of his thoughts. She heard his scoff before he replied. “More like Eris’s friends who I spent an unusual amount of time with.”

“Feyre was like that,” Elain offered, the little bit of common ground they shared between them. Younger siblings, Elain had noticed, tended to do that sort of thing, often reminding her of sprouts growing in the shade of larger trees.

She felt him shrug, muscles moving beneath the fingers of her one hand. “It was hard making friends as the son of a High Lord, at least in Autumn.” He added with a short laugh. 

“Poor you,” Elain joked, hoping he would take no offence to it. 

Surprise was like a flash of lightning along the bond, but Lucien’s amused expression remained the same as he responded. “I’m still so upset over it.” 

The song’s final notes played as Elain asked, “Do we keep dancing?” 

“I’ll be expected to, at least for the next couple of songs.” Elain felt a strange possessiveness rush over, but she pushed the feeling down, hoping Lucien did not notice. “Go to Eris, and I’ll come in a bit.” 

Elain hummed in understanding and Lucien pulled away from her, already missing his warmth. 

One hand gripping her emerald skirts, the other still in Lucien’s, she dipped into a small curtsy. Lucien raised Elain’s hand slightly as he bowed at the waist and although he did not kiss her knuckles, as would have been common on the other side of the wall, Elain found herself wishing that he had.

With startling clarity, Elain could imagine Lucien’s lips pressed to her skin and had to suppress a shudder. Elain forced herself to turn away from her mate, taking elegant steps but still feeling the weight of his gaze on her. 

Unsettled by her own desire, Elain was surprised at how quickly she spotted Eris in the crowd of nobles. His auburn hair seemed to flicker in the flames of the fireplace he was standing by, a glass of wine in his hand. 

The musicians began to play the next song, an Autumn Court dance once more, as Elain made her way to the far end of the ballroom. 

She felt as someone came up from behind her, making her pause. “I was promised an introduction,” the voice of the man was low and thick with the accent of those in the Forest House. “Seems as though my little brother has gone back on his word.” For a moment Elain thought she had been mistaken, that Eris had instead come to her, especially when she turned around to face the person who had approached. 

Felix or Ronan, a voice reminded her, one of the two brothers Lucien had already mentioned to her. His long red hair was in a braid that fell past his shoulders, contrasting with his well-tailored jacket, the deep brown of tree trunks. He had a scattering of freckles on his cheeks, and although his dimpled smile seemed genuine, Elain was glad Eris had given her a weapon. 

“Lucien likes to keep me all to himself,” her fingers tightened around the fabric of her skirts. Remembering Lethe’s attitude, Elain raised her chin and flashed the man a sharp smile.  

Elain jumped at the chuckle that came from her other side, as another one of Lucien’s brothers clapped a broad hand on the man still in front of her. “Leave her be, Felix, I can see Eris burning holes in the back of your head.” She felt like a fawn surrounded by wolves, like she was wounded prey and they were simply taunting her before striking with a killing blow. 

Felix shrugged, the gesture elegant, reminding her once more of Eris. “I suppose we still have much time before the wedding to become better acquainted.” 

Elain wanted to take the comb from her hair, to warn them to keep away. Instead, she hoped confidence leaked from her words as she spoke. “I look forward to it, now if you’ll excuse me, my lords.” 

“No need for such formalities, sister.” Ronan added. 

Elain had to fight the urge to frown, but she merely bowed her head in a show of respect and tried to make her way as quickly as possible to Eris. He looked serious, and was left entirely alone, save for Cora who stood several feet away from him. Elain nearly sighed in relief, going to the space between them. 

“What did they say to you?” Eris asked, voice low and unbothered. He hardly seemed concerned, and Elain wondered if he actually cared about what his brothers wanted from her. 

Elain ignored his question to ask one of her own, remembering suddenly both his and Cora’s absence when Lucien and her had first arrived. “Where were you?” 

“I hardly think that should be any of your business,” he said simply while he passed her a glass of red wine. 

With gentle hands, Elain took the glass, looking up at Eris with a raised brow. “Not poisoned, is it?” 

Cora laughed, moving closer to Elain. “He wouldn’t dare.” 

Eris shrugged, amusement flashing in his eyes. “Suppose you’ll just have to trust me.” 

Elain raised the glass to her lips, surprised that she did trust Eris, at least when it came to him protecting her from physical harm. 

Before she could take a sip, Elain paused, feeling someone’s heavy gaze on her. She turned her attention to that burning feeling, almost like a warning, her new fae senses catching a watchful predator. 

Elain’s heart nearly stopped as she looked at the High Lord, surrounded by nobles, arm around his wife. 

Beron Vanserra raised his glass in a small salute as he held her gaze, and Elain raised her own, mirroring him and hoping he could not spot the nervous shaking of her hand.

[zenkindoflove]

Fanfic Writing Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me in this fanfic tag game, @bonecarversbestie!

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing

Generally I start with a inspiration scene. A moment that stands out in my head that I can't stop thinking about. Then I design a story around that scene. If I'm writing a one-shot, I tend to be very loosey goosey with planning and just sort of write what is coming out with a general trajectory in mind. For multichapter fics, I'm much more meticulous. I always come up with an ending first so that I have a beacon to head to. I then do a high level outline which is usually what are the things that need to happen each chapter. Then as I get into the chapters, I will do more detailed outline of what things need to happen per chapter. I end up redoing the outline a few times as the story progresses.

I write the whole first draft from start to finish of either a one-shot or a chapter. I then do a major edit where I focus on bigger changes like adding in scenes or taking away whole sentences. It's my "does this make sense" edit. Then the next two edits are more wordsmithing/looking for typos. I tend to read out loud for these edits.

I'm also pretty big on writing in order. I almost never write out of order. If I do get inspo/idea for something that happens later, I'll write down lines of dialogue or details but I don't delve into writing the whole the scene then.

When I post multichapter fics, I write as I post. So when I post a chapter, usually I haven't started on the first draft of the next chapter.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Both. See above for my plotting process. But so much happens as I write that surprises me. And I end up making on the fly changes and redoing the outline often as new things arise as I'm writing.

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Depends. Sometimes I listen to music to focus. Often instrumental or something that will put me in the mood for the scene. Other times I listen to nothing and that helps me focus.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

Coke Zero which I often forget about as I get into the groove and then it gets flat/warm.

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

I think Summer Heat (Elucien + Erixius) is probably my favorite fic because it has a lot of characters that I really enjoyed writing and exploring and it's two romance stories occurring at the same time. I'm excited to get back into it. It's also just a really fun fic.

I also am really proud and always excited when I talk about Dear Lucien, Dear Elain: an Epistolary Fic because I wrote it with @crazy-ache and I think it's super unique and very fun and romantic.

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

I'm going to cheat and choose one Elucien and one Erixius fic.

Dancing Barefoot (Elucien) - This is the first modern AU Elucien fic I've ever written and I think it's a really solid, smutty one shot. I also have some Jassa in it who were surprisingly really fun. I think you should read it because I did a great job capturing that feeling of forming a crush in a night and falling into exploring those feelings with a total stranger.

The Jewel of The Forest House (Erixius) - I really love this fic because I think it's a good blend of comedy, fluff, and angst. And I think if you're a dog lover, you will love it too.

Do you have any advice for new writers?

I was listening to a podcast last night with the comedian Matteo Lane. He was talking about advice he received in art school that he applies to all creative things that he does. It was: You are not working on the masterpiece. You are working towards it.

Basically - do not get stuck in the fussiness of perfection as you write. You always will have chances to change and alter your writing. A lot of good writing happens in the editing. And just because something doesn't feel perfect, doesn't mean it isn't worth sharing. Especially in fanfiction, this is a hobby where we are all trying to have fun and support each other. It's natural to get in your head, feel vulnerable and insecure, compare yourself to others, etc etc. But you can't let that pull you down and suck the joy out of writing. Write the things that inspire you. Things you want to read, and the process of writing will become more fun. And the more you write, the easier it gets. It takes time to find your voice, and the only way you will find it is to write a lot.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

I'm always looking to improve my metaphors and lyrical prose in a way that feel authentic, natural, and appropriate for the scene. There are some writers I really admire who do it so well and every time I read their work, I get inspired.

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Jurian!!! And Vassa. Actually in that fic, Dancing Barefoot that I recc'd, that was the first time I ever wrote them and I really had a crazy amount of fun with their dynamic. I also surprisingly enjoy writing Rhysand because I like playing between his nurturing side and being a shit. I thought about saying Eris, but I think it wasn't a surprise once I dived in. I always loved that man, and I danced around him for a bit out of intimidation, but I always knew once I dug in and found who he is inside of me, I would love it.

No pressure tags: @jules-writes-stories , @lucienarcheron , @starsreminisce, @sapphiresandgold, @lovely-vanserra-sunshine, @avabrynne , @highlordofkrypton

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Chapter IV

Strange Times

Warning: Explicit

The plan was solid: Piglet was going to eat some flowers (they didn’t taste bad, just weird, like cucumbers, and Piglet hated cucumbers!), then get a mild tummy ache, get his Elain all nervous and then guilt her into giving him chicken and rice. Once he was full of chicken and rice, he was going to be let out of his enclosure, having lulled his unsuspecting humans into a false sense of calmness and security. Then he was going to jump on the tree, topple it, and finally destroy all the shiny balls. He was sure he was going to get in trouble. But did he care? Nope. It would be worth it. 

What his plans did not include was a trip to the vet in the middle of the night. 

Or an angry dad, who was super mad at him, as he strapped him into his new dog seat in the car.

“Don’t think I don’t know that you are faking,” Azriel hissed. “You think I can’t spot a faker when I see one? I’ve played Neymar! That silly fucker dives like he is gunning for an Oscar. You are not far behind. There is not going to be any chicken and rice for you. No meatloaf,”

At that, Piglet expelled a horrified squeal.

“Yeah, too late to be moaning now,” Azriel rounded the car and got into the driver seat. “You done a fuck up, lad. Also, I don’t know how much this little excursion is gonna cost me, but it’s all coming out of your IG sponsorships and allowance. No more Fuji water. You gonna drink tap.”

-

But, let’s rewind. 

“But where are we going?” Elain wondered, as Azriel’s heavy palm squeezed the back of her neck and he gently guided her down the spacious hallway.

There was an open den, where the walls and shelves were covered with trophies, trainers, kits, medals and lots of Arsenal gear. 

“My little spot of pride and gloating,” Azriel joked.

“Nice,” she shook her head, but she was also proud. And therefore, she turned her head to him and said, “and I happen to think that you are brilliant.”

“Aww, baby,” he smiled. “Are you going soft on me?”

She blushed but didn’t answer, only asking, “so?”

“I want you to hear a song that I love. I think that it’s about us,” he told her, a bit bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“A song?” That was unexpected. Elain knew that Azriel was musically inclined–he always hummed something to himself, there was music playing in some manner whenever he was at her house, he made up songs for Piglet, and sang in the shower–she had to admit that he did it well and had a husky, gravelly voice, which had a lovely sexual quality to it.

“Maybe we can dance to it as well,” he proposed quietly.

“Oh, a slow song then?”

“Pretty slow, yeah,” he nodded, and opened the door. To his bedroom.

Elain swallowed, but put on a brave face and entered, though her hands were balled into little fists and he smiled to himself. 

It was a huge space–completely unlike her own bedroom, which was lage, but also cosy and personal. This was right out of a modern hotel catalogue–vast, comfortable, but without an identity.

“Yeah, I know. It needs a woman’s touch,” he chuckled, as she looked around the space. At least it had gorgeous views. 

“None of your lady friends stuck around to redecorate a little?” she asked, her tone a bit tart, as she stared at the oversized luxurious bed. 

“Oh, is my matchy a little bit jealous?” he teased, spinning her around carefully, until she was facing him, her expression sour.

“Not. At. All.”

“Hmmm, you sure pretty girl?”

“Why would I even care?”

He shrugged and then threw himself across the bed, while propping his head and watching her. 

“I’d care!” he argued. “For example, I care about your Lord Eris. I don’t like him very much at all. Not at all. In fact, I think he is a bit of a cunt.”

“Azriel!” she gasped, whirling to him.

He shrugged. 

“What? I am jealous. I am jealous that he got there first. I am jealous that you loved him…kind of,”

“Kind of,” she murmured to herself. 

“I am jealous of all the time he’s had with you that I didn’t,” he continued. 

“You’ve spent all the time with me since you’ve met me,” she reminded him.

“Still ain’t enough. Still doesn’t change the fact that I can’t stand the cunt,” he said roughly.

She bubbled her lips and shrugged, “well, doesn’t matter. You don’t need to worry. I’ve not heard from him in weeks and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. I think we can conclusively say that it’s over.”

Azriel smiled, his smile a little too knowing, and then declared, “Fucking brilliant. I am more than happy to hear that.”

“Meanwhile,” she bristled at him, “what about your girlfriends? Mr. Orgy.”

“Ehhh,” Azriel waved his hand dismissively. “My orgy days are long behind me. Don’t have girlfriends. Well…one. She is standing in front of me now. And don’t worry, no one’s been in this bed except for the lonesome me.”

She stared at him so hard, he thought smoke was going to pour out of her ears. 

“I ain’t lying, beautiful,” he raised his hands in futile defence. “Okay, maybe a little,”

“A-ha!”

“I think Cass slept here after shoulder surgery, when I played his handsome nurse,” he recalled, smirking.

At that, Elain’s expression softened and she cooed, “You nursed him?”

“Someone had to. He was as dramatic as Pinky when you break his treat into halves.”

“That’s very dramatic,” she agreed solemnly. 

After a pause, where they looked at each other, Azriel pulled out his phone and Elain asked, “What about this song you wanted me to hear?”

He searched and quickly found what he was looking for. A slow, mellow melody came from the speakers. Then, a woman’s voice sang:

It’s gonna take a bit of work

Oh work

Now that you are here, 

Oh work

Because people come and go

But I think you should know

That I, I think this will work

It’s gonna take a little time

But with you by my side

I won’t let go, till I got what’s mine

Because people come and go,

But you should know,

That I, I’m taking it slow

There was something haunting about the simple rhythm and when Azriel got up from the bed and slowly approached Elain, wrapping his strong arm around her waist and pulling her closer, she succumbed to the flow of the song immediately. Azriel’s scarred palm squeezed her own and he placed it against his chest, as they swayed steadily to the song.

This was their song. Nothing about them and their relationship was quick, and everything took work. Nothing was quick, other than Azriel Night falling in love with Elain Archeron. Because that took no time at all.

When Azriel kissed her at last, he was so slow. So indulgently slow, as his body moved languidly and gracefully against hers, sweeping the two of them in a gradual circle around the room. Elain closed her eyes, giving herself over to the music, but also wholly to him. His lips were hot on her mouth, the kiss lingering there for a while, moving with assured intention. He pulled her closer to him, her breasts smashing against his chest, as she melted in his embrace, her arms circling his neck instinctually, while he made her back arc in his big hands, as he leaned against her. From the small of her back, his warm hands travelled up, and he squeezed her waist and then appreciatively ran his palms over her sides, up and then down, until he splayed his fingers over her bottom and gave each cheek a generous squeeze. 

“Oh,” she gasped into his mouth, but he only cupped her ass in his palm and pressed deeper into her soft flesh. 

If there was a true ‘ass man’ then Azriel Night was the definition of one.

Their kiss was unhurried, but it felt otherworldly in its dreamy hotness. It was like with every kiss, another barrier was broken. Azriel chipped and carved at her defences with lustful, unyielding determination, and Elain clung to him with needy desperation which might not have been attractive with anyone else, but with her, it only ignited the spark of blind, all-encompassing love within him. As he moulded his mouth impossibly closer to her lips, breathing and drinking in her oxygen, he thought for a moment that if they’d cut him right now, he’d bleed Elain. That’s how deeply she was ingrained in his very soul.

Elain stroked his neck with her hot little hands, her nails lightly raking over his skin, pressing into his collarbones and then gripping his broad shoulders. 

When the song ended, it switched to the sexy intro of ‘Beast of Burden’, the riff of Keith Richards’s  guitar completely unmistakable. And Elain loved it. Moving her hips within the circle of Azriel’s hands, she gyrated to the tempo, her head buzzing from the champagne and for the delicious taste of Azriel’s lips. She wasn’t sure what she was doing exactly, but she pulled on his black hoodie’s zipper and bared his sculpted, incredible torso with flourish. 

Azriel tore away from her mouth only to kiss down her jaw before sinking his teeth into her neck. Elain figured that he needed to ‘refresh’ his nearly-permanent hickey that he sucked into her skin. 

“I have to feel you,” he growled into her neck.

“What?” she breathed, half-drunk from their kiss.

He pushed her back towards the bed and all but collapsed on his knees in front of her, his hands on her thighs, rubbing them slowly up and down. 

“Let me give you another present for your birthday,” he pleaded, his voice urgent. 

“What present?” she breathed, though Azriel’s rough, large hands slipping under her knit dress and resting on the bare skin of her thighs, while he fingered the clasps of her garter, which held her knit stockings, told her enough of what he desired. He groaned, as he caressed her fleshy thighs, his palms slipping between them, parting her legs slightly. Elain acquiescent, allowing him to touch her in a manner in which he’d never dared to before. 

“Fingers or tongue?” he asked, his voice rough. Before she could answer, he dragged her dress high up, baring her legs, her stockings, and finally her thighs. Elain’s chest was rising and falling erratically, her breathing heavy and rapid, especially when Azriel rubbed his knuckle over her flowery panties. He shrugged off the hoodie completely, tossing it on the floor and Elain was faced with his absolutely incredible body. Unable to stop herself, she reached to touch the stacked cobbles of his abdomen, carved with an almost obscene precision beneath his bronze skin. The sculpted shoulders and his big, muscular arms flexed and gleamed in the sexy buttery light of the bedroom, thick, black swirls of his tattoos spilling from his shoulders down to his arms and over his pecs. She couldn’t resist tangling her fingertips in the dusting of soft dark hair beneath his navel–and he was right when he teased her about it. Even back then, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from it. Or from his ridiculously defined Adonis Belt which lewdly pointed straight down towards his cock. It was inescapable.

He didn’t wait for her final decision, and instead, gripped the side of her panties. Before she could even squeak, he ripped the underwear at the seam and crumpled it in his fist, before stuffing them in his back pocket. 

Pressing his forehead to hers, he smiled at her with encouragement and then thrust two thick, long fingers straight into her tight, tender hole. All at once. Rough. The noise that Elain made was something like a pathetic, shocked rasp, while her pussy responded to the invasion with an erotic, almost profane squelch, sucking his fingers deeper. 

Elain’s head lolled back and she fell on the bed, shuddering visibly, her thighs tense, while Azriel settled between her legs, opening them up brazenly and exposing her soft, wet, pink slit. Elain’s moan was loud, explicit and it was obvious that she relinquished all control of the situation, opening her legs further, even without him prompting her to. Azriel smiled and kissed her knee, soothingly stroking her with his free hand between her legs. His eyes were literally glued to her pussy and he was physically incapable of looking anywhere else. It was the prettiest, most perfect pussy he’d ever seen–and he’d seen many. It could be that he was completely pussy blinded right now, and seeing Elain’s for the first time was almost a religious experience. 

She felt tight and soft against his fingers, enveloping his hand greedily, like she’s been hungry for him, or maybe for someone to pay attention to her.

Elain felt so incredibly full with only his fingers inside, and yet, the beautiful torture of having him in her was worth the discomfort. He moved slowly, but firmly, exploring, stretching, spreading her with appalling, delectable vulgarity. God she loved it. Fucking loved it. That hand was brazen and strong, and when the tips of his fingers found her sensitive her front inner wall was, she bowed on the bed, digging her fingers into the plush duvet. 

“Keep like this,” he ordered, “so I can finger you like you need.”

How he knew what she needed, Elain had no idea, but she obeyed him, legs falling open, her pussy fully exposed, as he pressed on her inner thigh with considerable force, keeping her in place. His other hand began to move rhythmically, with deft, knowing movements inside her hole, and she bit her lip so hard, she tasted blood. The intensity of the movements was almost painful, as he took from her with glutinous need, but she couldn't even keep her eyes open from the savage pleasure that she was now experiencing.

Azriel’s voice, hypnotic and breathy with lust, whispered, “is this good, beautiful? Getting what you need?” and then he leaned over her and kissed her deeply and filthily. His fingers never paused or changed their perfect rhythm and Elain clutched the rock-hard muscles of his shoulders, raking her nails down his arm.

She couldn’t explain what he was doing, but he hadn’t even touched her clit, and yet she was arching and shaking like she was being exorcised. But his fingers…god, his fingers. He was so horribly ruthless too–pushing a third finger into her, burrowing deeper and deeper, while whispering, “you are going to be a good girl for me and take it all in your sweet, tight pussy for me?”

She made some inhuman noise and Azriel laughed darkly. The prodded further, stretching and pumping her hard and oh-so beautifully, half of his heavy body covering hers, as he watched her reactions and listened to her loud moans. When she didn’t answer, he murmured ‘yeah you are, gorgeous” and even if Elain rebelled internally for being so predictable and so easily broken, she couldn’t argue, and succumbed to his demanding hand that filled her so completely. Azriel kissed her, slow and tender, his lips in complete contrast with his hand. 

“Can you take one more, sweetheart?” he asked, voice husky, eyes dark, perspiration covering his chiselled chest. Elain grabbed at him just when he pulled his three fingers out and the emptiness had her gushing with her sweet nectar. He breathed heavily, inhaling the scent of sex and her essence, and then leisurely licked his fingers until dry. Elain was panting, watching him half-lidded, desperately needing him back inside of her, So she didn’t ask, but took his hand and brought it back to her plump, bare mound which leaked like an overripe fruit. 

“I want more,” she told him simply, biting her lower lip.

He kissed her brow and nodded,

“I know, sweetheart. Here’s more.”

And he plunged four fingers inside of her with one firm thrust.

“Elain,” he groaned, his own eyes closing, as he felt around inside of her. “You are so fucking tight, baby. I can’t wait for fuck you for real. My cock is gonna go nuts!”

He slowly pulled his fingers back, almost all the way out, but the soft walls of her pussy squeezed him and dragged him back in, before he pressed his thumb into her clit.

“Oh fuck,” she moaned.

Elain felt like she was being torn apart by his savage hand, but the pain was so glorious, and the way it mixed with pleasure only had her opening further for him. She was no longer concerned with any propriety, all her modesty having flown out the window a long time ago. Here she was, turned inside out, groaning and panting, holding most of Azriel’s huge hand inside her pussy and loving every second of it. 

Yeah, this was a gift that kept on giving. And how grateful she was that Azriel decided on giving her another present today. 

His pace was merciless, four fingers inside, pushing and rubbing at her tender inner walls, two fingers curled and massaging that wondrous spot inside of her, while his thumb worked her clit roughly and unforgivingly. 

“Bite me, Ellie,” he offered and Elain didn’t know that that’s what she needed. But when she latched onto his neck and bit him hard, feeling the throb of his blood beneath her tongue, she realised that it was perfect–the taste of his skin, the scent of his body, musky, lightly spiced with cedar, the strength of him–all beneath her tongue.

“That’s good,” he approved, moaning softly with his own pleasure. “Do you want to come for me, sweetness?”

Did she want to?

Yes, the smouldering heat of her body, the spasming muscles of her pussy, the gorgeous pressure on her clit all told her that she was about to explode like never before. But part of her yearned for this to continue for as long as possible. And Azriel was patient. So patient with her, even though he was basically fisting her at this point. She never knew that she’d be able to stretch like that, to accommodate almost all of his hand up to the wrist, where only his thumb remained firmly pressed to her clit. God. It was positively crazy. It hurt and it ached and it was blissful and intense and the sounds that her body emitted–all the slurping, squelching, groaning, moaning–would’ve been completely indecent in any other situation. But today, Elain didn’t care. She guessed that Azriel was the type of man who liked his woman undone. Feral. Unbound. Uninhibited. 

“Azriel, Azriel,” she screamed out, jerking upright, unable to stop, or keep from thrashing against him.

“Say my name, Ellie. Let it all out.”

Fuck, did she ever. An orgasm to end all orgasms. Azriel’s unique gift, his personally crafted orgasm that only he could’ve given to her. Only he had the skill and the unflinching ruthlessness to do this so well. 

Elain came and came, her hole sucking him in almost fully, her voice hoarse from screaming. She probably looked possessed, but she didn’t care. And Azriel was probably going to be evicted, but it would be worth it. It was so brilliant–waves of pure ecstasy crushing all over her body, every muscle inside of her alive with pleasure and tension. 

And then she blacked out.

Legitimately blacked out. 

…Azriel was chuckling.

Elain was being jostled about, something around her getting tugged and pulled. 

When she opened her eyes, while moaning, she saw his smiling face hovering above her.

“What...what happened?” she mumbled, disoriented.

At least the jostling began making sense–Azriel was pulling off her dress over her head. 

Yes, she was still wearing her dress. 

“I might have semi-murdered you with some light fisting,” he said innocently.

“Light?!!?” Elain screeched, a nice, but definitely acute soreness radiating from between her thighs. “You call this light?!”

He was laughing, while he manoeuvred her out of the dress, folded it nicely and left her only in her bra and the stockings, which had descended all the way down to her knees. 

Then, Elain watched him get up from the bed and unbutton his trousers, pulling the belt out of its loops in one crazy, half a second move. She stared, open-mouthed, while he tugged the trousers down and she tensed.

“Sweetheart,” he chuckled. “You pussy ain’t ready for my dick tonight,” he assured her. “I’ve given it a nice gentle pounding,”

“It was not gentle!” she protested.

He stepped out of his pants, got rid of his socks, and stood there, in all of his almost-naked glory. 

That body.

It was almost unfair how stunning his form was–so long and so firm, every tendon and muscle on display, gorgeous lean sinew wrapping around his muscular thighs and the robust shoulders.

“Didn’t I tell you before that I was rough?” he reminded her, crossing his arms on his chest and looking down at her sprawling in his bed.

Elain fucking Archeron, in his bed. 

It was incredible.

Her pussy bare and wet, because of him. Her body, naked and glorious, for him. Her fucked up hair, her smudged mascara, which made her look extra sexy and wanton. The way she looked so cosy and comfortable on his sheets. 

He couldn’t comprehend it. That after all this time, months of courting and cajoling, or slow, baby steps, they were finally here. Elain naked. Happy. Satisfied. Actually passed out from the orgasm that he gave her. 

If he’d known then that he should’ve cherished that moment even more he would’ve. But he didn’t. So he just enjoyed watching his girl in his bed.

Her cheeks turned pink under his scrutiny and he tracked her eyes staring at his raging boner beneath his black boxers. 

“It’s out of your hair tonight, sweetness,” he assured her, palming his cock for emphasis.

“You don’t want me to…” she swallowed nervously and he chuckled.

“Choke on this dick?” he clarified.

She reddened ever more and he thought that it was completely adorable.

“Well, yes,” she nodded.

“Not tonight. It’s your birthday, after all.”

Elain looked down, at her bare stomach, her bare pussy, the swollen, glistening folds, remembering how just a few minutes ago he had his hand in her and squirmed, feeling embarrassed.

“May I have something to wear?” she whispered. 

Azriel landed on the bed next to her and brought her face closer to his, before kissing her lips.

“Baby, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t already seen,” he reminded her, his smirk salacious.

“Well…ummm…still,” she tried, her little toes curling, as she tucked her legs to her belly.

“But I like you naked, in my bed,” Azriel wrapped his arm around her and drew his thumb over her skin which pebbled with gooseflesh.

Elain threw her arm over his stomach and snuggled to him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“What for?” he asked curiously.

“The best birthday ever.”

He smiled,

“Better than Annabel’s?”

“Yeah. Better than that.”

Elain didn’t know that this was the happiest birthday. She didn’t know that she needed to cherish the moments with this man whom she loved. She didn’t know how things would change.

When Elain woke up, she was disoriented. 

She knew where she was–at Azriel’s, because she wasn’t that far gone–but she had no idea what time it was. She was still nearly naked, her pussy lips splayed over Azriel’s thick thigh. She’d drooled all over his bicep–very sexy–but he didn’t mind, and kept her bundled up next to him like she was his plushy toy. Outside was dark, with night lights twinkling all around. She carefully extricated herself from Azriel’s heavy embrace and slipped from the bed. She tiptoed to the bathroom, closed the door and turned on the lights. The bathroom was as opulent as expected–enormous everything, shower so big, you could wash a car in there, a long sink that resembled a trough, a gorgeous bath tub, and even a sauna tucked in the corner. Elain looked at herself in the mirror. Yeah, she looked a proper state. Naked. Her hair a terrific mess, as were the remnants of her makeup. She washed her face, scrubbing at her eyes, then saw Azriel’s hair brush and with no alternatives, combed her hair, before breaking the handle of the brush on a mega tangle. Well, that was just wonderful!

There were bruises on her thighs, and she was sure that it was from the grip of Azriel’s fingers. Her pussy lips were swollen and overly pink. It was obscene and sexy and she didn’t mind the sight of it. Of course she snooped behind one of the mirror panels, finding nothing incriminating, other than an alarming number of face and hair products. Well, that was a surprise. Mr. Night had a skincare routine apparently. There were nice French creams, some very expensive, some cheaper: moisturisers, retinol, anti-wrinkle. Serums, oils, argan and olive oil extracts, Japanese and Korean hair care products, fancy tubes of lip balms from Sweden. 

“Well, don’t mind if I do,” she muttered to herself, as she lined the products on the counter and began sniffing and trying them out.

She was so into it, she didn’t even hear the door open and Azriel padding into the bathroom.

Before she could even begin to lie and weasel out of her predicament, Azriel dropped on his knees behind her and wrapped his arm around her thighs. He rubbed his stubbled cheek over her bare behind, before latching onto her ass cheek with his teeth. 

“Awww!” she cried out, but he only laughed, but also licked away the pain that his teeth caused.

“That’s for breaking my brush on your wild horse mane,” he told her.

“I do not have a horse mane!”

“Right. More like an unkempt lion’s mane.”

“It’s still my birthday!” she complained. “You have to be nice.”

“Oh yeah? How do you figure?” he asked, his hand caressing her hips, both of her bum cheeks before he nosed below and buried his face in her pussy.

“Ohmygod! Azriel,” she moaned, gripping the trough sink, when his tongue swept from one hole to the other. She’d never been licked like this. And when his tongue poked boldly at her butthole she thought she was going to pass out…again. To imagine that Eris or Graysen would do something like this to her was laughable. Eris barely ever did any oral, his sex drive never very high, so much so that he didn’t even ask for oral himself. 

Azriel, ever the biter, bit her puffy nether lips, bit her ass again, lazily licked over her hole, pushing his tongue inside, before scooting back on his hunches and sitting on the floor, crossing his long legs at the ankles.

“I can’t believe you are not just a snooper, but also a user,” he scolded her humorously, shaking his head like a disappointed parent.

“Why do you have all this?!” she demanded instead.

“Don’t change the subject, snoop!”

“I was simply trying out your weirdly huge collection of face products.” she huffed.

“Turn around,” he told her.

“Why?”

“Turn around,” he repeated. “I want to see your pussy.”

Elain blushed like crazy and he watched her squeeze her thighs tightly.

“I can’t,” she mumbled.

“Why?”

“I am not used to this….this familiarity…you are still,”

“If you say ‘a client’ you will make me angry, Elain,” he said sternly.

She bit her lip, not saying the word, but Azriel saw it on her face and sneered with annoyance, before getting up.

“No, don’t be mad,” she begged, grabbing his hand.

“Well, then don’t be daft,” he told her. “Decide what you want from me and for yourself,”

“I know what I want,” she argued.

“Are you sure?” he cocked his brow at her.

“You are being very cross,” she pouted.

“Then give me a reason not to be cross,” Azriel said instead. “Sometimes, I find you very frustrating, Elain.”

“I am sorry,” she whispered guiltily. 

“Why won’t you just let go and be mine?”

Before she could answer, they heard an audible moan.

Azriel rolled his eyes and groaned, “Oh fuck. Now what? What did he do?”

Because the moan was definitely Piglet’s. It was a touch dramatic, which made Azriel wonder what the hell was happening and whether the pug got to a bottle of whiskey or something as questionable as that. Wouldn't surprise him though. 

“Oh my!” Elain cried out, “it’s Piglet!! What happened to him?”

Before Azriel could even respond, she was running off, barefoot and naked, her perfect ass bouncing with every step. Azriel followed, because he knew that he had to see it for himself.

-

Piglet was in his enclosure, laying on his side, moaning. Flowers from Elain’s bouquet littered the floor around him. They’d left the vase on one of the side tables near where he ended up. Well, apparently, he was so starved for snacks that munched on a bunch of flowers and petals, tearing them off the stems. He only ate the heads and only specific flowers. 

“Piglet! What did you do?!” Elain wailed. “Oh my god. Is he going to die?!?!”

“Of course he is not going to die,” Azriel sighed. 

“How do you know?” she was almost in tears. “We need to go to the vet!”

At the word vet, Piglet immediately quieted down and the moaning ceased just like that.

“See, he is faking it,” Azriel nodded towards the dog. “He probably just wants chicken and rice or something,”

At those words, Piglet not only stopped moaning, but also raised his head, giving Elain a hopeful look and a little bark of encouragement. 

“You don’t know this!” she argued.

“I do. I know men and he is a man. He is faking it to get attention and to get the food that he wants. He wants his woman–you, in this case–to cook for him and feed him.”

“He ate half the bouquet!”

“Yeah, probably on purpose,” Azriel noted, to which Elain rolled her eyes. 

At first, things were going well and according to plan. Piglet gave a pretty good moaning performance and soon after he began, he watched his Elain run into the big room. He wasn’t sure why she was naked, but maybe she was drowning herself for fun, like humans tended to do. He trusted his Elain with his own drowning, but he wasn’t a big fan in general, though he enjoyed it when she soaped him up and scrubbed him with a brush. But the drowning…he didn’t like so much.

Then dad mentioned ‘chicken and rice’ Piglet whooped internally and gave himself a high four. But then the words ‘vet’ began spoiling his hopes. What the hell? He didn’t want to go to no vet! Defeated, Piglet watched dad get his phone and start doing something on it, while Elain picked him up and carried him around the room, rocking him like he was a baby.

“Baby, you know it’s Christmas Eve,” Azriel kept saying, as he dialled what felt like the fifteenth number for a vet clinic in and around Canary Wharf. No one was picking up–not surprising, because it was around 11 pm and most outgoing messages stated that the clinics would be closed for the Christmas holiday.

“Can’t we just give him a laxative? So he can shit flowers?”

“This is not a joke, Azriel!” she exclaimed, stroking Piglet’s head and kissing him.

It’s not that Azriel didn’t want to help Piglet–even though he was convinced that Piglet wasn’t as sick as he pretended to be–but Azriel wasn’t trying very hard, because he was currently entranced by the fact that his gorgeous Elain was walking around his home, circling the vast expanse of the flat basically completely nude. He sat back on the sofa, threw his legs on an ottoman and made calls, while watching Elain and her bare pink pussy. Just like that. He didn’t even have to ask for it. It still blew his mind and he knew it was going to take him some time to get to terms with what was happening in his life and that Elain was almost his…but he’d have to deal with that later.

“Yes, yes,” he was surprised when someone finally answered. Elain stilled and looked at him. “We have a pug who ate some flowers…no…not garden…from a bouquet. How old is he? He is two-ish. Oh…I don’t know. He is a big pug. Short legs though,” at that, Piglet offered him an unimpressed side eye. Amazing, how Piglet miraculously understood everything whenever he wanted to. “I don’t know…he is kind of chunky. I’d say 13 kilos? Just under 30 pounds…Well, like I said, he is a big pug. No…not fat. Just bigger than normal pugs.”

He is? Elain mouthed, looking at Piglet.

Azriel nodded. How did she not realise this before? Piglet was only slightly smaller than a Frenchie. He was the biggest pug Azriel’d ever seen, with short little legs. 

“Alright. Thanks mate. We’ll be right over. Yeah, yeah…we have money and insurance too.”

-

Christmas

Piglet raced down the wide hallways and sitting rooms of the palace. 

He wasn’t exactly sure whether this was actually a palace, but this was the biggest house he’s ever been in. He came here a few times a year with his Elain and with Fey, and some of the times Aunt Nesta came along as well. Mostly, he loved it because it had a huge park around the building, and in the summer, there was a pool, where he could splash and where the sisters swam and played with all kinds of toys. Pool was different from the drownings that he was subjected to, and therefore, he loved the pool. And then, there were the meals! Oh, the wonderful meals, where he got chicken and steak, where he ate sweet potatoes, and rice, he ate ham and hard boiled eggs for breakfast, he drank the best water and had so many treats, he couldn’t even count them (okay, he didn’t know how to count). There were fruits and berries in unlimited amounts and pup cups whenever he wanted. Oftentimes, grandpa came as well, and Piglet spent most of his time with him–they went for walks, they played, Piglet could run with all the sticks, he could zoom as much as he wanted, and then grandpa gave him treats, or let him nap in his study. 

As he ran along, Piglet noticed a whole lot of big trees, with lights and shiny balls on them. In fact, the whole house was decorated with shiny things and he was contemplating how he was going to get to some of them.

He and dad came to an agreement earlier in the day.

While Elain was sorting out insurance information at the vet’s, Azriel told Piglet the following,

“Not only do I know that you were faking all of this, so you could get food and attention, I also saw how you’ve been looking at the Christmas tree.”

At that, Piglet made a show of looking indifferent and almost surprised.

But dad, unfortunately, was too smart.

“Here is how it’s gonna go,” Azriel continued, also making a show of watching Elain, because he was always watching her, instead of what he was actually doing, which was scolding Piglet. “You will leave Ellie’s tree alone. You are not going to jump on it, poop under it, or try to tear any of the ornaments off. By the way, they are glass, and it won’t be fun for you, if you do. It’s mum’s tree, she loves it and you will remember that.

“In exchange,” he continued casually, “I will ask the vet not to stick anything up your butt.”

Piglet swallowed audibly.

He hated the vet so much.

And he especially hated it when they put things…up there. Which they did, almost every time. Thinking backwards, he was now regretting the whole flower-eating plan. It was stupid and he shouldn’t have done it.

“The tree stays, and nothing goes up your ass,” Azriel concluded. “If you attack the tree, I’ll tell the vet that he is free to do whatever he wants.”

Piglet quickly barked in agreement. The tree could stay.

“Wise move,” dad approved. 

True to his word, Piglet didn’t get anything stuck up in his butt. They gave him a pill, he had some diarrhoea in the park and that was that.

Mid-day, they all got dressed up and piled into the car. 

Piglet had to wear a tuxedo today–his black dungarees, a white shirt and a bow tie. Dad looked very similarly to him–he wore a tuxedo as well. Today, they were like a real father and son duo, and Piglet liked that. His Elain was dressed so prettily, in a beautiful dress, and she couldn’t touch him, because the dress was so fancy.

There was tension in the car, which Piglet didn’t understand. They humans spoke, but their tones were clipped and there was something going on that he couldn’t quite put his paw on. So when they reached their destination, he was very happy to get out of the car and run to find grandpa, because he was tired of the drama.

-

Rosehall.

That’s what the country seat of the Duke and Duchess of Velaris was called. Rosehall Manor.

Manor was an understatement of the century. It was an enormous estate, with over 10,000 acres of land around it, and a stately mansion with 140 rooms. Though technically it belonged to the current Duchess of Velaris, which was Nesta, the ownership documents stipulated that the house and the land belonged to all the female members of the family. The estate was shared equally between the three sisters, with all of their female cousins having access to it as well.

The family always celebrated Christmas with a formal Christmas Eve dinner–hence the tuxedos, followed by a more informal Christmas lunch the following day. 

It’s not that Azriel was unfamiliar with this level of wealth and old money extravagance, but this was something straight out of Downton Abbey or something. Legions of servants, footmen, maids, butlers, valets greeted them as he helped Elain out of the car. Once unclipped from his dog seat, Piglet dashed inside the manor, feeling perfectly adept with all this finery and not giving a fuck. Azriel envied him. 

Elain took his arm, a lovely smile plastered on her face, but he knew that things between them were tense, at best. She didn’t show it though. When they entered the foyer and then the reception hall, Azriel saw Rhysand and Feyre, posing on the grand staircase, while professionally-looking photos were being taken of the two of them. 

Feyre wore an opulent gown of heavy pale silk with sheer sleeves and neck, embroidered with all kinds of gems. She looked regal and bridal. And happy, draped over Rhys’s imposing, tuxedo-clad form. 

“Happy Christmas. Helios Day, Hello Magazine,” a man approached them, slick and professional, handsome and curious. He handed out his card, which Azriel absently thrust into his pocket.

“We are here to take Christmas photos of Lord and Lady Darling. Their nuptials were so unexpected–but we are lucky to have snagged the first interview and the first photos of them as a married couple.”

He then turned to Elain and said,

“Lady Elain, do you have a few words for the article? And then, if you don’t mind, we’d like to take a few photos of you and Mr. Night,”

Azriel was surprised how quickly the man recognised him, but he supposed that that was his job. 

“And then of course the Duchess of Velaris and Mr. Cassian Night as well…”

Azriel hid his smile. Cassian hasn’t even gone on one date with Nesta, and yet here they were, being photographed as if they were a couple. Apparently, Hello Magazine just christened them as one, and was going to declare it to the world. He wondered how well it was going to go over with Nesta. But Nesta had invited Cassian to Christmas dinner here, at her family home. She didn't have to, but she did act like he was something more than a guest, so perhaps, she wouldn’t be affronted by the insinuation that they were a couple.

Speaking of Nesta–she appeared in the reception hall, with Cassian looming behind her.

She looked beautiful, in a blue gown with a lace overlay, which fit her gorgeous body like a glove. 

The three sisters were pulled to the staircase, and photographed together. Feyre–the bride, Nesta–the blade, and Elain–the flower. 

He might have been biassed, but Elain looked the best. She also wore a lace gown, with a very intricate pattern, in a sophisticated shade of pink, and with a full skirt. She definitely looked like his little princess tonight. 

-

Dinner was a traditional, if elegant affair held in the Walnut Dining Room, and thankfully, Azriel was seated next to Elain. The Darlings were here too–meeting of the families and all–and it seemed like Sir Charles and Lord Darling knew each other from before, and found each other companionable and there wasn’t any odd tension to contend with. Nesta and her father played hosts, he recited grace and then dinner was served. 

There were platters of chilled seafood, blinis with caviar, and cold oysters to start off with, and bottles of champagne. The ubiquitous roast turkey was the main course, but it was stuffed with apples and chestnuts and tasted spectacular (for turkey). Indulgent dauphinoise potatoes, and roasted vegetables made Azriel think that he’d soon need to go on a diet. He was barely training, not playing, and eating apple crisps, and cheese, and bacon sandwiches every day because of Elain. He loved it. Loved every moment of it, but still…And speaking of cheeses–then the cheese course arrived and…well, he couldn’t say no. Lastly, there was trifle and Eton Mess for pudding.

“Interesting menu,” Azriel commented, attempting to start a conversation with Elain.

“It’s been the same since Victorian times,” she answered, sipping her coffee. “Curated by my great-great grandmother,”

“The infamous Elain,”

“Indeed. This is what the Duke of Velaris liked to eat, and what she enjoyed as well. It’s been the same for generations.”

“Not bad. Not bad at all. Beats Brussel sprouts and weird bread sauces.”

“She loved trifle, and he loved Eton Mess, so here we are.”

And then Elain smiled at him and Azriel realised that he lived for that smile.

-

“What’s wrong with you tonight?” 

Cassian’s booming voice sounded even louder in the glass enclosure of the Winter Garden. 

“I think all things considered, everything’s been going pretty well. Nes even agreed to get her photo taken with me. So I guess I am now ‘the boyfriend’.”

He snickered to himself at the idea.

“I think it took her by surprise.”

“But she didn’t say no,” Azriel noted. 

He had loosened his bowtie and took off his jacket. He’d come here after dinner, leaving the revelry behind, because guests began playing charades and Rhys even got behind the piano, urging everyone to sing along to Christmas carols. 

“So, what is it?” Cassian pressed, seating himself in a wicker armchair, not so close to Azriel that it would feel like a confessional, but close enough to listen.

Azriel shook his head with annoyance, and Cassian waited. 

He knew his brother.

Azriel would speak only when he was ready. And that is IF he even decided to speak. The man was not exactly in tune with his sensitive side. 

“Hey beastie the pug!” Cassian suddenly cried out and Azriel knew who he was talking about. “My little wingman–wingpug–got me together with Nes at Fey’s birthday. Come here, boy.”

Piglet trotted to Cassian and Cassian picked him up and laid him on his lap, and as soon as he did, Piglet promptly fell asleep. 

“I am alive! I am dead! I am asleep! I am running! I am dead again! I am asleep!” Cassian muttered, and Azriel couldn’t help but smile. That really was Piglet in a nutshell.

Suddenly, Azriel began speaking, and Cassian stilled, listening and not making a sound. 

“I don’t know what to do, Cass. Like she is driving me crazy. I am so consumed with her, I can hardly think straight. Everything is her. Every word, every gesture. I over-analyse all of it until I give myself a headache. If I don’t talk to her, I stalk her social media, to see if she posted anything…I have this photo of her that she sent me a while back. She was wearing my jersey in it, it was before that game with Liverpool. And I’ve looked at it so many times now, I think I’ve poked a hole in my phone screen. 

“My thoughts…I scare myself sometimes. If she ever said no to me, if she tried to break it off, I think I would kidnap her, Cass. I would steal her and I would keep her in a cage,”

“Whoa,” Cassian breathed.

“I know. And I’d feed her my dick when she got hungry.”

“Az,”

“No, you don’t understand. She is everything to me, Cass. I want to hear her voice first thing in the morning. I want her face next to mine. I fucking want her to submit to me and be fucking mine!”

“I am assuming we are talking about Elain,” Cassian said carefully.

“No. About Kevin!” Azriel snapped.

“Okay, okay. But–I don’t understand–aren’t you with her already? Aren’t you two dating?”

“We are…kind of,” Azriel agreed. “But it’s like she has this wall around her that I can’t seem to penetrate. It’s tug and pull all the time. She is so skittish with her feelings,”

“Elain?” Cassian confirmed in disbelief. 

“Yes! Elain. You think only Nesta is all prickly and cold? You’d think Elain would love all the lame couple things! But no. The moment I push even a little bit, she pulls back, as if she is scared…I’d never hurt her!”

“But others have,” Cassian said reasonably. “Wasn’t she engaged once? And the bloke cheated on her? And her current one–he is AWOL too,”

“I am her ‘current one’!!!” Azriel snarled viciously.

“Okay, sorry, I know,” Cassian said quickly. “That’s not what I meant, you know,”

“That’s exactly how she thinks as well! That somehow, this isn’t real. We are not real. That one day, I would walk away like those other cunts. But that’s not me. She’d have to cut me out of her with a knife,”

“Mate, enough with the graphic imagery today!” Cassian raised his arms defensively. “I just ate.”

“We had a fight today,” Azriel muttered. “A really stupid fight,”

“Aren’t most fights stupid?”

Azriel ignored him.

“What happened?”

“We had to take Pink to the vet,” Azriel explained. “And she texted me something in the car and when it popped up on my phone, she saw what she is saved under,”

“Which is what?” 

“Mrs. Night.”

“Oh, well…” Cassian didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“And she flipped out!” Azriel snapped. “She yelled at me and said that it’s too soon, that she didn’t ‘sign up for this’, that we’ve only known each other for a little over two months, and that I am–and I quote–her client!”

Cassian sighed. He sympathised with his brother, but he also understood Elain.

“Maybe you are moving too fast and it’s scaring her?”

“Oh, fuck off! This is not what I need to hear,”

“Maybe you need to give her a bit of space,”

“Out of the question,” Azriel said sharply. “I am not giving her any fucking space. She is mine. She was born to be mine. I love her and I will make her mine. She will be Mrs. Night. She will carry and birth my children. And we’ll die on the same day.”

“Well, I am glad to see that you are not all weird and intense about it,” Cassian said helplessly.

Azriel buried his face in his hands, shaking his head.

Cassian gently lifted Piglet off his lap and picked him up, cradling him to his chest. Then he got up from the chair and proceeded to give the worst piece of advice that he could possibly give.

“Why don’t you stop obsessing and do what she asks of you. Don’t push. Dial back the intensity like 134%. If she asks you for something, just do it, and show her that you’d be there for her. That when she needs you to do something, you’d do it.”

“Like I haven’t been,” Azriel groaned. 

“Just keep going. Don’t talk about babies and how you’ll make her Mrs. Night. And I’d keep quiet about the cage thing too.

“It’s not a big thing, you know. It’s just a little fight. Everyone has those. Elain just need a bit of time.”

“So, do what she asks?”

“Yeah,” Cassian shrugged. “Do what she asks.”

-

**The song that Elain and Azriel danced to is called “Work’ by Charlotte Day Wilson

The Archeron sisters Christmas dresses (left to right: Feyre, Nesta and Elain)

[acourtofthought]

tell me what you think about this...

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JyAGtTbgNGCdEb2iMbTtMkbUq66vF91z/view

I love your posts, they are divine.

Thank you so much!!!

What I have to say about the google doc is that they did a nice job putting together their points in the format they did!

But I don't agree with any of it.

Az did get Elain a rose necklace after the many mentions of Elain and roses but I wouldn't say roses are more special to Elain than any other flower just because they're symbolic of her.

It was the tulip fields she wanted to visit in book 1, the tulip bulbs she was talking to Feyre about in ACOTAR and it was those flower fields Nesta reminded us she had wanted to visit in SF.

Roses are kind of the obvious answer on "what to get a girl" when you're getting her something flower related , it's the top most purchased flower on Valentines Day after all.

And roses are used for Elain by the author in the same way that she describes Nesta like a wolf or Lucien like a fox. It's fun imagery and all that but not necessarily how the character would refer to themselves.

Roses are beautiful of course but I don't think it was all that clever of Az to select a rose charm when any one of them could have said "Elain likes flowers so I'll bet she'll like this rose necklace!". Had Az himself been clever enough to think "This charm is perfect for her because of how she is constantly sitting by the sunniest of windows and the charm also needs light to come alive" than he would have earned points for that. Or "Nesta underestimates her inner depth just like it's easy to miss with this charm but it's truth will be revealed just as Elain's will!" Instead it's the reader who draws the comparison, not him.

"Nesta, Elain shall wed for love and beauty, but you my cunning, little queen. You shall wed for conquest."

First off, saying Elain will marry Az because he's the prettiest of the bat boys according to Feyre and Nesta is so superficial I can't believe it's even an argument. And what the sisters think of Az has literally no meaning at all compared to what Elain thinks of Az. Feyre might have thought Az was the most classically beautiful out of Cassian and Az but it was Rhys who was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. Elain is the "prettiest" of the three sisters but Rhys thought Feyre was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. When the King of Hybern and Amren (a being 15,000 years old) referenced Lucien's attractiveness, I'd say that if Elain married him she'd have no complaints about the hotness of her mate who is made sexier by a scar down his face which is a testament of how he stood up to Amarantha.

Second.....Nesta talks about how her mother would roll over in her grave to find out she'd married an untitled fae male. When Nesta defied her mother and the expectations she forced on her.....why is anyone under the impression Elain would follow through with what her mother thought of her?

The reason Elain's mother thought she'd marry for love and beauty is because her mother didn't think she was capable of anything else. You'd think a true Elain stan would want to prove that she was worth more than marrying someone just because of her or their physical appearance.

Oh, we're romanticizing "polite, BLAND" smiles now?

Az did go a bit still went Elain entered the room in ACOWAR. Then proceeded to look at Mor with hunger and yearning in the novella. Let's compare that to Lucien could barely breathe when he first got a true look at Elain because she was the most beautiful female he'd ever seen........and how Lucien looks at only HER with longing after that.

Feyre did predict Elain would cling to Az for peace and quiet. But since when does a truly happy Elain want just peace and quiet? Certainly not the Elain who personally greeted each guest at the ball, danced with all the important lords sons, who can convince anyone to do anything with a few smiles, who can make friends easily, who stayed up until the wee hours of the morning at the ball surrounded by a circle of friends (flushed and brilliant) when both Feyre and Nesta were over it.

You know what else Feyre predicted? That Amren and Nesta would become fast friends which they did......until they weren't. Amren is not Nesta's found family, Emerie and Gwyn are. So if Feyre got that part wrong.......

In ACOWAR, Elain wanted to go home which was her home in the human lands. If she changed that in SF and called Rhys and Feyre's manor her home because that's been the only real option she's had to call home since being turned fae......why can't that change again in her book?

Nesta didn't find her true home until the book where she ended up with her love interest. Feyre didn't find her true home until the book she accepted her mating bond. Logic stands to reason that Elain will find her true home in her book too.

So I'm supposed to believe that Elain not eating, drinking sleeping or leaving her room for MONTHS until Lucien arrived and demanded they get her outside means nothing but Az who discovered she was a Seer is indicative of true love? Her Seer powers are not a thing that was wrong with her, he guessed the gift she was given. That's like someone giving me a present on Christmas and I shake the box while asking for hints until I figure it out. I'll never, ever, EVER be convinced that Az gave a shit about Elain during her depression considering he was excited to go to the Hewn City rather than stay back to guard Elain at her lowest. Considering he did not once ask Feyre how she was feeling, how she was doing, considering he did not once express concern over her lack of eating, sleeping, drinking, I think it's safe to say him being able to say "you're a seer!" doesn't mean much at all. Rhys was the one to discover Nesta's real power, does that mean he truly loves Nesta?

So I'm to understand that eavesdropping between two people while one is still going through depression and the other is trying for the very first time to reach out through their bond is supposed to be a comfortable situation? It was uncomfortable because Elain and Lucien were forced to sit together while everyone around them was being nosy as fuck. It wasn't a first date or anything but can you imagine trying to have a moment with someone while your two sisters and two others in the household are pretending to be busy while being completely aware they're listening to your every breath?

Feyre only THINKS that maybe Az understood what Elain was going through when she was hearing voices. Just like only Cassian truly understood what Feyre went through after spending years hungry. Does that mean Cassian should be with Feyre instead of Rhys because Rhys never went hungry?

Az has blushed for Elain, Mor, and Nesta in the book. Tharion blushed at Hypaxia. Someone other than Lorcan blushed over something Elide had said. I'm not getting their point.

Of course Elain tells her fucking fiance that having a mate means nothing to her. These are the best arguments they've got? Nesta didn't even want to tell Cassian he was her mate after falling in love and having copious amounts of sex.

Az did say, "what about Elain?". Then just stood there. It was Nesta who stared at him then went running for Elain's tent. And he did say he was getting her back....after Cassian first said he would but couldn't and Nesta laid down the challenge saying no one could make it into his camp. Az does love to prove himself the hero, does he not? Also, Az hid in Feyre's shadows, I'd say she's more responsible for Elain's rescues. Compared to Lucien who was willing to fight his way without power to try to get to the Night Court, the home of the most powerful High Lord ever to live and through Autumn where he knew he had a metaphorical (literal?) bounty on his head.

That was an amazing scene for Elain, was it not? Saving Briar. Saving Az. And something Az never once gave her credit for.

No, Az stayed seated when Eris made mention of Elain. He only exploded when Eris mentioned Mor. I can't believe they're trying to claim Az's anger was "built up".

Yup....CASSIAN offered Elain a knife first, not Az. Glad to know Az just stood by watching someone else do something for Elain first yet again. I guess it's a good thing Mor begged Az, with tears in her eyes, to sit out of battle. Otherwise he wouldn't have bothered offering Elain TT at all.

Her smile did lighten Az's shadows. Just like Az confirming that the shadows tend to vanish around her. Just like they are afraid of the sunlight. Considering he tells us they are his companions....why would he want them to disappear?

Yes....a female always wants to be responsible for making a male think of and being compared to his mother. Super sexy.

OH MY GOD! TRUE LOVE!!!!! She smiled at Az because she appreciated Az making a joke in response to Cassian's comment!!!! Men and women cannot just smile at one another without falling in forever love!!!!!!!!

Yes, so special "I've never participated in one of these" and Az says.......NOTHING. Such exciting conversation!

Az could have been staring at the garden thinking of Elain and her bond with Lucien and how he's jealous of Lucien because why did Lucien get a bond when he didn't. But then he went on to blush at Mor and stare at her with hunger. I don't know....maybe it's just me and my silly little romantic heart but I don't really enjoy a male who is fixated on two women at the same time.

However, if Az was interested in Elain, why did he ask Rhys if he needed to get her a gift than look relieved when Rhys said no?

Did they purposely put the "why not make them mates" under the wrong slide to make it look like it happened later in the series? That was ACOWAR, not ACOFAS. In ACOFAS Feyre tells Elain LUCIEN is a good male and why couldn't she talk to him? She repeats that Lucien is a good male (says nothing of Az) and tells Mor she wants them to be happy. Mor says both Lucien and Elain need time and that they will be happy.

Yes yes, SF. The book where Az gives Elain zero credit for anything, doesn't bother checking on "her", avoids her because HE can't handle her bond, can't admit to Rhys that he's over Mor, can't admit to Rhys that he's not just using Elain for sex, calls her a mistake before talking to Rhys and feels a spark in his chest over another females happiness.

I think I covered it all, right?

[bleachbleachbleach]

Reading Update

Not Bleach-related, but since this is where I've been putting my writing updates, in my mind it's also where my reading ones should go. I basically only get to read things May-August, so I've been on a tear. But I keep reading things I don't end up liking? Which, HELP. WHY.

It makes me feel like such a hater, or someone who's too closed-off to things outside of my expectations that I automatically, anti-intellectually hate it, but then I'm like, okay, but I have not picked up a single fanfic this year that I did not think was brilliant. I have seen three movies this year I thought were brilliant (Fancy Dance, Evil Does Not Exist, and the Haikyuu movie, the last of which is definitely 100% like the other two)! I have read a lot of really fantastic article-length creative nonfiction that I also found brilliant!

MAYBE I JUST DON'T LIKE BOOKS.

Books I Really Liked

The Souvenir Museum - Elizabeth McCracken

Flux - Jinwoo Chong

Run Me To Earth - Paul Yoon

Shadow Life - Hiromi Goto

I know I just said "not Bleach-related," I actually think some Bleach folks would be into a lot of these, depending on where your specific interests within Bleach lie.

The Souvenir Museum had fabulous character work, and I love what I'm beginning to feel is something signature about McCracken, in that most of these stories were realist New England fiction and then out of the blue she slid one in there that was sorta-supernatural and also about cannibalism. Love that for her! Love that for me.

Flux is a speculative time travel thriller, but where it stands out is how much trust it places in its audience to follow along and hop in medias res with all these characters and premises. There's no extraneous exposition or explainers; it just drops you in the deep end and it's so much fun. There's also a lot in this book that is about TV and fandom and while I usually find it hard to buy into depictions of these things this book gets it so, so right for me. And the dialogue is fantastically tight and snappy and so full of life--I loved Part 1 in particular, and the book is worth it just for that!

Run Me To Earth is beautiful. Trenchant, haunting. Each character feels like a small poem, living and breathing and doing their best to avoid unexploded ordinances while riding a motorbike. And bonus Inuzuri vibes for me

(And Shadow Life I already talked about here. That's the one where a lady traps Death inside of her vacuum cleaner.)

Books I Am Actively Annoyed By

All That’s Left Unsaid - Tracey Lien

Your Driver is Waiting - Priya Guns

The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu - Tom Lin

AKA "maybe I just don't like genre fiction." These were a mystery, lesbian thriller, and western, respectively, and the whole time I was basically like, "we're really just doing this, huh?" In each of these, the character work wasn't strong enough to make the story, and I guess from each I expected more critical engagement with the genre? And not "we're going to un-self-consciously depict and then slaughter a bunch of bloodthirsty Indians because THAT'S WHAT WESTERNS DO." These were all books that sounded theoretically interesting to me but in practice were very not.

Nonfiction That I Wish Had Been Better

Undrowned: Black Feminist Lessons from Marine Mammals - Alexis Pauline Gumbs

Dear Elia - Mimi Khuc

What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape - Sohaila Abdulali

Mott Street - Ava Chin

How to Read Now, Elaine Castillo

Eating Wildly - Ava Chin [DNF]

I think I'm just a pop nonfiction hater, because my issue with all of these is that they often felt like too-superficial treatments of their subject or seemed extremely (sometimes intentionally) undercited. Multiple of these kept making assertions about having developed an original thesis/practice or never having seen X in the world, when that's simply not true. These just make me think about all of the stylistically brilliant, incredibly thoughtful creative nonfiction being published online/in magazines, and how pale these book-length treatments feel in comparison.

(Almost) Everything Else

River East, River West - Aub Rey Lescure (this is the Naruto hentai book)

Our Missing Hearts - Celeste Ng

I Would Meet You Anywhere - Susan Ito

Tea: History, Terroirs, Varieties - Kevin Gascoyne

Bowlaway - Elizabeth McCracken

Book I Could Not Physically Read Because I Hated it So Much I Couldn't Stand It

The Leftover Woman, Jean Kwok

Future Reads

Four Treasures of the Sky - Jenny Zhang

Pnin - Vladimir Nabokov

Miko Kings, LeAnne Howe

A Bestiary - Lily Hoang

[blodgmonster]

Part THREE of my A Court of Silver Flames reread commentary that absolutely no one asked for.

--Is there a ship name for Mor/Emerie? Even though it's based entirely on Emerie saying she forgot how beautiful Mor is and blushing? Because I ship it.

-- Gwyn having them written into Merril's book about the Valkyries. So SWEET!! "Our stories are worth telling." Damn straight.

-- Nesta facing her fear with the fire. That's my girl.

-- the House showed her its heart!!!

-- kinda fuckin rude of Rhys to give the dagger Nesta Made to Eris. Even if she doesn't want it, it should be Nesta's to give away.

-- I need Nesta, Aelin, and Bryce to form a dance troupe.

-- Eris tells Nesta that what happened between him and Mor after she was savaged didn't go down the way Mor says. He's implied this a few times. I need to know!!! What happened!? Her gift is truth, why would she lie about that?

-- Nesta, teach me how to dance! I need to seduce a man into a marriage proposal in three dances or less.

-- Nesta saying "fuck you" to Elain is priceless

-- Nesta and Azriel's relationship is low key but adorable!

-- Take the gods damned symphonia, Nesta!! Jesus Christ, stop getting in your own fucking way! You two idiots love each other!

-- Nesta and Cassian making love instead of just fucking is...wonderful. It's about damn time. "And warm and safe and home at last in Cassian's arms, Nesta slept." YESSSSSSSS. (Also my work crush walked into the break room when I was right in the middle of this sex scene. I was screaming internally.)

-- the girls are having SUCH a good time in the House and the House is having a good time and they're making bracelets and they're a found family and I love them.

-- VALKYRIES!!!! CUT THAT RIBBON, YOU WONDERFUL FEMALES!!!!

-- "She would not be mastered by anything again. She was the master of herself...And this person she was becoming, emerging day by day...She might even like her." NESTAAAAAAAA

-- I forgot she MADE the House oh my God.

-- "The mood hadn't been helped by a rare red star blasting across the sky one day." SUP, AELIN!!! LOVE YOU MOST

-- "I am your MATE, for fuck's sake!" Oh, Cassian.

-- "Well, I didn't have a choice in being shackled to you, either." CASSIAN, YOU FUCKING IDIOT OH MY GOD.

-- "some things are more important than fear." Gwyn, I love you.

--And I love that Mor agreed to be their Uber. Have a falling out while dealing with the fact that you're mated? Call Mor's Mating Mishap Uber to get you the fuck away from that male.

-- I said it before and I'll say it again. The bargin to die together is so FUCKING STUPID. And inconsiderate to your loved ones. The Inner Court, your sisters, your possible son would be devastated by one death and you bargained to make it a DOUBLE funeral for them. How nice. If Nyx loses a dad, oh no, guess what, he's an ORPHAN. Also, Rhys is waaaaay older than Feyre and would die before her naturally, so this bargin drastically shortens Feyre's lifespan. 'Oh, she doesn't want to live without him.' That's fucking life, isn't it? The people we love the most die on us, and our world falls apart, and then guess what? We keep fucking going.

-- Nesta has made her first kill in the Blood Rite

-- "Emerie was alive. And nearby. And in danger. And this motherfucker wouldn't stop Nesta from saving her." FUUUUUUUUCK YES

-- every time the pov shifts from Nesta to Cassian on the continent I want to scream. I don't give a flying fuck about the rescue mission for Eris.

-- "You came for me."

"Of course. That's what sisters do." * SCREAMING. CRYING, THROWING UP * I love you, Emerie!

-- "I have been broken before...I survived it. And I will not be broken again -- not even by this mountain." FUCK YEAH, GWYN.

-- Gwyn's story and then Emerie telling her "You're not alone." And Emerie's shit father. And Nesta finally, finally telling them everything, letting them all the way into her heart. And they don't cringe away. They love her. I am fucking crying.

-- "'I'll face it with you,' Gwyn whispered over and over again. 'Promise me we'll face it together.'" I love you, Gwyn.

-- "There were no hateful voices in her head. Only the knowledge that her friends lay behind her, beyond the line she had drawn in the earth, and she would not cede that line. She would not fail her friends. She had no room for fear in her heart." I love you, Nesta

-- "my mate taught me well." FUCK YEAH

-- OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THIS PART!!! Cassian showed up, mind controlled. FUCK

-- JESUS CHRIST, HE'S KILLING HIMSELF!! I FORGOT SO MUCH!

-- oh hell. The stupid birth. I have a genuine fear of giving birth so this fucking sucks. For a few reasons.

-- HOW is a C section BEYOND THE POWER OF MAGIC.

-- "so live, Nesta Archeron." Echoes of "live, Manon, live."

-- And thus, my beloved Nesta gets nerfed. WHY must the female protagonist sacrifice her power in order to save the day? Why can't she stay overpowered like Rhys? Like Feyre? It's clear in HOFAS that Nesta still has some power but come on! WHY, SJM, FUCKING WHY!!!!!! Her power is Death, couldn't she use that to tell death to back the fuck off of her sister? Save Feyre USING her power instead of SACRIFYING IT. Ugh. It makes me so mad.

-- you SHOULD bow, Rhys. And you should treat Nesta with the utmost respect, love, and gratitude for the rest of time. But as we see in HOFAS that's not the case, IS IT? This book (and HOFAS) kind of ruins him.

-- Nyx was a goddess. Weird thing to name a boy.

-- Cassian, I am going to need you to say "I love you" back in one of the future ACOTAR books. Do you hear me, SJM, he needs to SAY IT.

-- I'm glad Nesta got the House. And finally a painting of her.

-- I am so glad that Nesta got the peace and love and friends that she deserves. But it does make me wonder why the relationships seemed so off in their cameos during HOFAS. Rhys is being a domineering prick to Nesta, so much so that Ember (beloved) feels the need to step in and defend her and mother her. And Cassian, who clearly loves her and has challenged Rhys before when he was being a dick, just stood there and let it happen. What was that??

[natureboy96]

My journey through the Court of Thorns and Roses series

It’s been roughly a month since I started reading the ACOTAR series, and let me tell you, it’s been one mad ride. I’ve had a lot of thoughts on the books, and I needed to put them down somewhere to hopefully stop them from rattling around in my brain for much longer (success tbd). While I am writing this more for myself than anyone else, I wondered if anyone else went through a similar journey that I have, and perhaps help understand why people view the series as they do. I’ll be going book by book to break things down.

(Also might be worth mentioning that I am a gay man in my thirties, which definitely impacted how I read certain parts of the books..)

ACOTAR

Having come into the series with absolutely no hints as to what it was about (besides the back blurb), I actually found this first book… kinda boring? I was surprised, I suppose, to see it was a Beauty and the Beast retelling, but that actually made me look forward more to where things actually deviated from the script (I texted my sister it was around chapter 30 that I felt things really getting interesting).

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy parts of it - the more intimate moments between Tamlin and Feyre were what I liked most, like them dancing together after he played, or him appreciating that painting that made him not feel alone, moments like those. A bit stilted writing, perhaps, but fine.

When we went Under the Mountain, though, that’s when my interest picked up. I felt the fear that Tamlin and Feyre felt, knowing one wrong move could be their last. I felt terribly icky at the things Feyre was manipulated to do; maybe I can see how people might think her dancing black out drunk in a napkin could be a sexy fantasy, but it definitely didn’t do it for me, nor the bone twisting. The trials themselves felt… underwhelming (the worm was some exciting action that our Feyre’s skills to use at least, but the second one was kinda meh), but I was interested in seeing a story where the main character actually experiences some lasting impact of trauma, something I feel a lot of books gloss over. Seeing what Feyre and Tamlin were willing to sacrifice for each other also helped solidify their relationship for me. I went into the second book excited to see how it was handled, and to see what kind of character Rhysand proved to be, after his UtM admissions and actions…

ACOMAF

I was into this text a lot quicker than the previous one, no doubt because of what I mentioned about seeing actual consequences for trauma. I didn’t expect to see so much of Tamlin’s trauma as I did, but I appreciated seeing even a high lord couldn’t walk away from something like what happened without damage. I definitely felt the tragedy of what happened to their relationship, seeing how trauma warped and changed the way they were to the point where they no longer fit, and I was glad Feyre was able to leave.

That brings us to what I thought was the best point, seeing Feyre get the space and patience and support she needed to heal, from Rhysand and the rest of the Inner Court. Like the first book, some parts felt a bit stilted to me, but seeing her gain back her confidence and work through the pain Amarantha had dealt was with satisfying. Having her find a group she came to care for and a place she felt safe was wonderful.

I couldn’t say I saw the end twists coming, and I was definitely shocked to see Tamlin siding with an evil king who wanted to bring back slavery; after what I knew of him in the first book, it felt to me like there had to be more going on, and I immediately started the next book after finishing this one in 3 days.

I was also quite interested in Elain and Nesta’s changes too, I hadn’t expected them to be big characters after the first book, but it makes sense to tie them together - and give some fun stuff to work with in the next book.

ACOWAR

Unlike the last book, I finished this one in two days :p

I enjoy a lot of politics and intrigue in my books, so I enjoyed hearing about a lot of the planning that went into preparing for the upcoming war. I enjoyed hearing Feyre’s thoughts and plans for the Spring Court, and I was glad Lucien was able to escape with her - I haven’t mentioned him much but I have enjoyed his character quite a bit. I loved getting to meet with the other high lords and see the Dawn Court, though I found it odd how easily everyone seemed to lose their temper at what was supposed to be a diplomatic meeting. I read Tamlin’s words as being sheer bitterness, but I was glad to hear he hadn’t betrayed everyone blindly and had a plan.

The end of the book was a bit of a shock twist page after page, and I couldn’t put it down. Dads coming out of nowhere with an army only to die a few pages later? Monsters joining the fight only to get murked? Elain pulling an Arya Stark stabbing on the big baddie? The only surprise I had been expecting was Akeem’s transformation; I felt the biblical angel clues were strong enough to expect an angel of death when she changed.

I didn’t like the fakeout Rhysand death. It felt like it was tacked on for a bit more milked drama, only to be undone moments later. What I did love was how the end of the story gave Tamlin the chance to save both Feyre and Rhysand, despite everything that they had done to each other. I had hoped it was the chance for them to start healing that rift, not expecting them to be friends or in love again, but respectful at least..

Also some questionable choices for sexy scenes, but again, I kinda didn’t read too much into em, not my thing.

ACOFAS

This is where something changed with my thoughts on the text. I thought it was a nice “Christmas” story, and I enjoyed seeing where and how people were preparing for it with each other. I felt for Nesta, and as hard as it was to see where she was I didn’t feel she was ready for healing from her trauma yet, and was interested to see where it went. Wasn’t as big a fan of people talking down to Lucien, but that wasn’t the real issue I had here…

Rhysand’s visits to Tamlin may have been brief, but they struck a really unpleasant note in an otherwise nice little story. I had come to see Rhysand as a good person over the books, over what he had said and did. I couldn’t like that up, though, with the way he treated Tamlin in this book. I didn’t expect them to be friends, or even like each other, but I couldn’t understand how Rhysand could be so cruel to a person who had saved not only his life (even though I could have easily seen him not doing so), but Feyre’s, Elaine’s and Azriel’s lives too, and in doing so played a crucial part in saving the whole world. How could someone see this person who is clearly broken and so alone, and beat him down further? And then to come back and see what state he was in, and essentially suicide bait him while making him a steak? It was such a harsh and cruel thing to do that it took me right out of the text, and I took some time with that thought in my head.

AFTER READING

I had been planning to jump into Silver Flames right away, but the sour taste of how Tamlin was treated in the last book was really bothering me, and I needed to share my thoughts with someone. None of my friends had read the books, so I turned online to see what people thought, and… I have to admit, I was shocked at the level of sheer vitriol directed in Tamlin’s direction. If this was after the second book, I could see some of it, but undoubtedly most people who were sharing their dislike of his character had read all the books, even past what I read. It didn’t make sense to me, that someone we knew was a kind and good person in the first book, who was warped by trauma and bitterness in the second but helped save our main characters in the third, only to be kicked while he was down, was so incredibly hated? The more I read, the more confused and honestly frustrated I started feeling. It was as if there was nothing good in his character, who quite objectively did quite a few good things!

Until I had read ACOFAS, I had taken everything as it had been delivered to me, through Feyre’s thoughts and words. Hell, I was so into it after the second book I went and bought the coloring pages and some very expensive pens! After, though, I began rereading parts of the texts in a more critical lens, trying to somehow connect the cruelty I’d read and felt with people’s words online, with what I thought was the point of the text, of healing through trauma, and how I has liked the various characters.

It was around then that I found I wasn’t the only one who had similar thoughts and feelings towards Tamlin’s character and how he was treated in the narrative, and the fandom. I noticed some things I had missed before, where Feyre’s perspective of Tamlin had shifted to make his character from the first book worse in the second and third. Not even inconsistencies in terms of character traits changing, but points where events in the first book were quite blatantly retconned in a different view entirely, and then for people to ignore the former for the latter because it made Tamlin worse. The more that I started looking, the more issues I started picking up, issues of characters being held to different standards by both the character in text, and the people reading them.

Now, a month out from reading the books, I think it’s become very clear that the author intended for people to strongly dislike Tamlin’s character, and for a lot of people, the author’s intention is enough to accept that view. When it comes to writing, though, an author’s intention ends with the words they put down, adding clarifying statements afterwards can help show their intention, but the intent is the same. Readers, then, are free to interpret a text how they will; not everyone is going to get the same experience from a story as everyone else, because people are individuals with their own outlooks on the world they bring to a text. Just because one agrees with the author’s intention with a text doesn’t make other’s differing interpretations less valid. People don’t have to like Tamlin’s character for all the reasons the author tells you, but that doesn’t make criticism of the view wrong, or bad. People who criticize the author’s choices and the actions of characters in a text are as valid as the author’s choice to write them in the first place. I’ve come away from this feeling Tamlin’s character has been “done dirty”, whether the author intended for me to have that opinion (she clearly didn’t). That doesn’t make my viewpoint less valid, just different, and based in the same text other interpretations come from.

In the end, I’ve come down from the obsessed high I had with the series, and I’ve settled on having very mixed feelings overall. Once my interpretation of the earlier texts had changed, it kinda rusted some of the luster the books had had in my mind and added a more critical, negative undercurrent to things I had seen as entirely good before. For me, that actually makes them more interesting, and I like the idea of talking about and debating points of a text and how they can be interpreted. I don’t know if I could recommend the series to other people, though, what with the feelings I’ve had towards the actual texts and the fandom around them. I will probably be invested still for a time longer, though - whether I read Silver Flames (the takes I’ve seen online are veeery mixed, but perhaps my take would be different than what I’ve seen) or the next book afterwards, it’s been a real and novel experience diving headfirst into it all.

[wildlyglittering]

Six Sentence Sunday - Silver In Her Eyes

Hello!

In the words of 'old Rose' "it's been 84 years" since I've been on Tumblr.

The real world has been pretty hectic but I've lurked and have written and re-written the beginning of my final Nessian fanfic 'Silver In Her Eyes.' I say final because I think ACOSF sucked the joy of Nessian from me. That's a bummer.

But because every cloud has a silver lining (boom boom, here all week) ACOSF also opened up my brain to how I would actually like things to go down in that series. Which includes a smidge of Neris.

I'm not going to get that from SJM so I decided to do it myself - for myself and for the three people who will hopefully read this and enjoy it 😂

The first 20,000 words of the story are written. The rest isn't yet but I do have an outline and a plan which is something I hope. I'll be posting the first 20,000 words in instalments beginning from next week.

If you're wanting a Neris/ Nessian fic which is not particularly Rhysand friendly and is less Nesta being beaten down by the Inner Circle and more discovering her own power and self worth - this is for you.

If you're hardcore Rhys/ Inner Circle then this probably isn't for you. I don't know - you might want to hate read or something but please bear that in mind before you start. Rhys is one of the villains. Possibly the villain.

I dunno, the joy of fanfiction is righting what I feel are some wrongs.

Here's a lot more than six sentences for you.

***

“This one’s most spectacular,” he said, palming the flat side of a sword. Both the blade and Nesta squirmed, Nesta feeling the unwanted touch as though Rhys had traced his fingers down her spine. “This would suit Cassian, don’t you think?”

The sword was the tallest and widest Nesta had forged so far, the hilt of it reaching the underside of her breast. The handle twisted into wings spread as though in flight and the blade shimmered with barely visible words, all in a language she instinctively understood to be Old Illyrian.

This was a rare occasion she agreed with Rhys. In truth, as she hit the hammer down onto the metal, she only had Cassian in mind. Images of him in battle played before her, torrents of rain slamming into his frame as he wove through soldiers, his body twisting and turning as if in dance.

Whether she was remembering the time she watched him fight or whether she was seeing flashes of him from his past, Nesta didn’t know. Maybe these were events yet to come, the ground wet with blood.

There had been a moment, when she struck the final blow to complete the sword, when she envisioned him running someone through with a blade, so similar to the one in Nesta’s hands it couldn’t have been any other.

Elain had the curse of prophecy not her so Nesta didn’t know if what she saw was true. Who Cassian was slaying Nesta couldn’t see, but the sword screamed its victory. Death to the High Lord.

[acourtofthought]

The argument of choice when it comes to this series is such a silly one.

What anti's are saying is that Feyre chose to be drawn to the guy who forced her to drink wine and dance seductively against her will while UTM.

Of course we all eventually learned Rhys wasn't the bad guy he was pretending to be but Feyre wanted him even then because of the mating bond she didn't yet know about. She didn't pick Rhys without influence, she picked Rhys because she was being led by an unknown force that later revealed itself as their bond. That's not to say she didn't also fall in love with him (as SJM said, "or is is it both?") but I guarantee neither Rhys or Feyre would have ever thought twice about the other had Fate not linked them. He would have never gone searching for her had he not suspected what she was, had he not dreamed of her and she would have never wanted the guy who did what he did to her UTM while engaged to a guy she was in love with if the bond wasn't weaving it's unknown hold over her.

When it comes to Nesta and Cassian:

There was no valid reason for Nesta to want the guy who was a different species (a species she hated considering she didn't even want her own newly turned fae sister in their home) and who insulted her upon their first meeting.

Did Nesta choose Cassian for herself? Did she choose to want him in those first moments? Or was it some greater force at work?

Just because Nesta and Feyre didn't have a name to put to what they were feeling doesn't change that they never stood a chance. The bond drove the emotions for Cassian and Rhys right from the start, when Cassian and Rhys's initial actions towards them were not anything a normal character looking for love would want for themselves.

They fell in love because they realized what good, decent people Rhys and Cassian were but they wanted them early on (even despite their attempts to deny it) because of the bond. They never had a choice because the bond was always going to force their hand, driving their curiosity until they finally saw why the guys were worth loving.

The setup for Elain and Lucien is no different except for their individual circumstances. She was in love with and engaged to a human and extremely attached to her humanity so letting go of all that is going to take her longer than it did Feyre and Nesta who only ever loved a fae (as neither Feyre or Nesta loved Issac or Tomas). And Elain may have experienced a more intense influx of the emotions caused by the mating bond since hers immediately snapped (whereas her sisters was more of simmer until theirs was accepted), something that may have caused her to feel even more confusion while in love with Graysen, but it doesn't change that she is drawn to someone she didn't choose to be drawn too. Just like Feyre and Nesta didn't choose to be drawn to Rhys and Cassian, just as Rhys and Cassian didn't choose to be drawn to two humans who it appeared wanted nothing to do with them.

The bond has always been the thing to force the proximity of these characters, to place them in one another's paths and after a time they fall in love. They don't fall in love because of the bond, they get to know one another because of the bond. Maybe the bond does take away their choice to some extent but it did for every single sister and doesn't biology in general?

There are many guys I should have wanted to be with in my life because they would have probably ended up treating me better than those I chose to date but I can't help who I was drawn to. I didn't consciously decide "I want to be attracted to him", I simply was and a large part of that is due to biology. The bond is the Mothers version of biology, "I want you to pay attention to this person because of reasons XYZ." The Mother ended up being right with the best male for these sisters so far so why would Elain, being so beloved by the Cauldron, be any different? Hell, even Rhys's parents resulted in Rhys so shouldn't we be glad they followed through with their bond despite Rhys's father having gone about his marriage in all the wrong way? Even if their union was only meant to produce Rhys, isn't the fact that he ended up being the one who saved their entire word from crumbling in on itself by sacrificing himself during the war worth more than a single couple having a picture perfect marriage?

In Sarah's books, Fated Mates are about romance but they're also about something bigger, achieving a greater destiny because of the union of two characters.

Because of their bond, Rowan was able to help Aelin become who she was destined to be.

Because of their bond, Rhys was able to help Feyre become who she was destined to be.

Because of their bond, Cassian was able to help Nesta become who she was destined to be.

(are we noticing a trend?)

Because of their bond it will be Lucien who helps Elain became who she is destined to be.

It's fine if people dislike Fated Mates as a trope but to say Nesta and Feyre had more choice is a joke since they never truly had a choice, fate was always pulling the strings. They may have had the illusion of choice until their illusion bubble popped and the reason they were always drawn to their mate was revealed but that's not actually true choice.

When Elain and Lucien eventually choose one another in their book, they will be the first couple we've seen accept their bond without being confused as to why they both wanted the other from the start. They will have had the time and space to sort through everything they're feeling and make a fully informed decision rather than being blindsided the way Feyre was, where it wasn't until after she developed feelings for Rhys that she said "so this is why I wanted you even then." Elain and Lucien's feelings will develop just as organically as the sisters but they'll also understand that Fate was a guiding hand the entire time whereas her sisters remained in the dark, tricking them into the thinking they had more agency than they actually did.

Again, the illusion of choice is not actually true choice so Elain is in a better position than Nesta and Feyre were.

I don't care about choice. I care about an epic story being driven by the all knowing Mother who felt Lucien MF-ing Spell Cleaver (a favorite of the author) would be the right one for Elain rather than what a random reader thinks a traumatized 24 year old girl thinks she wants for herself before her book even starts 🤷

Something I've been mulling over recently is the idea of the mating bond removing Elain’s agency. People are always saying, "Elain should get a choice, too." Which, as a blanket statement, sure. Setting aside that she's a character, of course, for this premise.

But when is falling in love the "normal way" or without a mating bond ever really a choice, either?

When has romance ever been that the character chooses who they fall in love with? Sure, their choice is to be with them via the author, but how is that somehow less objectionable?

Neither falling in love nor being gifted a mating bond is a choice, and treating them like they're mutually exclusive is just a false dichotomy. Have we all forgotten the iconic Amy March line of "Love isn't something that just happens to a person." ? Because she ended up with Laurie, someone she'd loved her whole life and didn't stay with the person she "chose" despite believing that people have "some say in the matter" about who they love. She was wrong. Love is something that just happens to a person.

So, what choice should Elain be getting that is somehow robbed of her? Sure, Elain should be able to "choose who she wants to be with" but how is love different from the mating bond in regards to something that just happens to a character without their input? Love is not a choice, either. Would Nesta and Feyre then also be robbed of that "choice" twice over because they both have mates and fell in love with them?

No, right? Falling in love is not a choice but part of a character's journey. So why is it so objectionable when people want Elain and Lucien together when neither falling in love nor having a mating bond is something any character in this universe has a "choice" in?

[bradleymarshall]

I swear twice and let my guard down and then I am to blame

The trick is to remain calm and not swear and keep your cool under all circumstances

If you can

You can win under pressure

The game they play is sadistic

You can insult as much as you like and shatter their values and reputation but if you raise your voice or swear you’ve immediately lost

Play their game and you can succeed and destroying them at their own medicine

You must remain calm and charming and civilised and you can say the most atrocious things, as long as you are charming in your delivery.

The way my parents work is to avoid conflict

Avoidance constantly

Aloof

Escapism

Even when I suggested counselling they told us we couldn’t as if the domestic and emotional violence were to surface, then, they might put your mother in jail, and then you’ll be forced out of the home, and so until I earn enough money, I have to keep my mouth shut and tolerate it all. Oh but it wasn’t bad, he reasons:

Maybe it wasn’t but a compiled a list anyway

Here’s all the bad:

14 Ways mum was horrible

1 left me in Hong Kong for 2 hours because she left chocolates behind in the hotel. I was 8, and could have easily been kidnapped. When security approached me, I lied to him that my dad was over there, as I was concerned I’d be kidnapped.

2. Every Saturday without fail I was lost in Southland. Mum would leave me behind. I followed random people thinking they were my mother because my mum would walk off so fast. No care for her son walking off shopping.

3. Emotionally Cold, calls me a worm for hugging her. Very seldom offers physical or emotional love.

4. Every time she offers a gift she uses it against me later on. “I bought you this and this is how you treat me.” Now I hate gifts

5. Stone walls me for months. Doesn’t speak to me.

6. Holds grudges that doesn’t end

7. Threw scissors at me drawing blood

8. Screaming, saying I’m gonna kill us all now while driving. I see black and white.

9. Fights with dad and brings up his sex life, that he liked dominatrix when I was 7.

10. Took photos of her half naked when I was 4.

11. Used to key cars that stole her spot in the car park. Write on the windshield with lipstick. Would road rage, frequently as a kid, swerving her car into other cars. Terrible example of road rage to me as a kid.

12. Possible affair with Kevin. Every weekend Kevin was there. She was flirty with other guys All the time, especially on the dance floor. My friends would call me slut mother due to her promiscuity.

13. Very secretive. I know very little about her or her past. She says, I don’t need to tell you anything about my history.

14. She lied to me that Elaine was my half sister. I found out by myself by working it out logically when I was 16.

Here’s all the good:

Good

1. When it comes to material gifts and love. She is abundant

Made me breakfast every morning and dinner, washes my plates, clothes. Threw me a surprise 21st birthday. Touring the world, many vacations paid for.

2. When I was sick, she said, how I wish it was me who was sick and not you and hugged me

3. She accepted me being gay crying over the letter I wrote her.

4. She loves me and cares for me, always liking my Instagram posts.

5. Buys many tickets to my shows for her friends to watch

6. Is a great source of inspiration in her confidence and self assuredness and charisma

7. Is highly functional and knows what she wants. Not someone to mess with. Knows her self worth.

8. Highly critical. Good and bad. It’s made me have very high standards.

9. Scratched my hair until her hands were sore to get me to fall asleep

It just reminds me to never get involved with them on any matter, period.

Also, you should be able to handle criticism.

Perhaps you should ask what is the celebration regarding.

Why do you get so volatile. Chill Mason.

I write about myself so frequently as Mason

I actually have to take a second to remember what my real name is

Kinda scary

[flowerflamestars]

Going insane over 'no grave can hold my body'. All the times Lucien is trying to change and all the times he cannot bc it not depends just on him and at some point he is sorta rolling with it, nothing he does matters except to him,but then he finds out NESTA (he knows she is a good dancer! How many times they have danced) not only is in the loop with him but is also trying to find how to break it. And the loop goes ON without the other!! He offers to go under the Cauldron with her!!!

Yes!!! I love how you sum this up so perfectly!

Lucien, as we will hear more about in Chapter 2: The No Consequences Era, has sort of....genuinely wondered if anything is real? If only he is experiencing it? If it doesn't stick? Cauldron conversations with Nesta are Important, and not just because Lucien feels, talking to her, like he's seeing color again for the first time after four hundred years of black and white. It's all real.

And Nesta, who has no magical background to fall into, just believes. Immediately, furiously changes things and dies for it, but her ultimate bend over these four hundred extremely useful years is knowledge. She wants to know what the hell started this.

(It is worth saying they are, at this point just. completely wrong)

Just!!! The inherent isolation of a timeloop! Finding one other person who knows and remembers and...happens to be just. So Charming. and smart, and interesting.

Lucien is half afraid to let her out of his sight! Nesta lets him sleep on her couch! Elain teases Lucien about taking the wrong seat because in ten seconds of interaction she intuits that they're lowkey obsessed with each other!

And I do promise the romance is not solely building out of that loneliness or desire to do everything together- after all, as Lucien asks, why them?

To fuck with Prythian, Nesta answers, like every big magical moment of her life has not been intensely personal.

ps. they have danced at the Feysand wedding only once, but Lucien is mostly remembering Nesta dancing with Eris.

[riddlecrux]

What is past is present: Azriel and Elain, Helion and Lady of Autumn Court

This post is going to be a long one. I will be talking about parallels between Helion - Lady of Autumn Court - Beron and Azriel - Elain - Lucien situation. How their relationships mirror each other, how the blood duel mentioned in ACOSF and ACOWAR will come to an end, but also how the first triangle was used as a plot device in ACOWAR. I believe it is not a coincidence that SJM decided to put these scenes and histories in the same book with such a short span of time passing between things happening on the pages of their story. I would like to say that this post is a pro Elriel meta, so if they are not your cup of tea please scroll past this. Many thanks to Gardening Tools, especially @silverlinedeyes !

We are going to start with the Lady of Autumn Court and the scene at the High Lord’s council. She is there with her husband, Beron and as the conversation surrounding Hybern increases in intensity, we are presented with a bit of background information about the Lady.

Lady of the Autumn Court had 2 sisters that died during Hybern's soldiers' attack. We got to see another family of three sisters, two of them dying for their sister. What's even more important is a mention of Hybern's war camps and how it's very unlikely for anyone to survive their time there.

Here Beron taunts Kallias by telling his mate that Hybern and his people probably torture and abuse women before killing them. (Please be sure to remember that because we're going to go back to this notion later in this post.)

Another big insight about Lady's life and this particular accident comes from no one else but Helion.

Few things that are very important to mention: - she had already given birth to a few of her children - Hybern directly attacked the estate they were in - her sisters let her run away because they loved her - she tried to fight and stay with them till they convinced her to run - the beasts sent by Hybern tailed her and finally cornered her in a trap

What Feyre says in this particular scene - about Helion knowing too many details holds great importance for the further quotes. We also get to know that, in fact, it was Helion who rescued the Lady - not only saved but found her. The setup, the build-up and the fact that it wasn't her "husband" that came for her are the main things I wish to bring attention to, as we are going to analyze different scenes from the same book with this knowledge.

He could have ended it differently, yet he didn't. Why? The question seems to be imprinted in Feyre's mind as she tries to connect the dots and points she was given, just like us readers. I do believe that what we are being presented with is the notion of the mating bond. Helion's rage at Lady's attack projects typical mate behavior - such as unnecessary violence against the ones who dared to hurt their mate. It also goes with the information of him finding her - how was that possible? Her husband wasn't there, it was Helion who essentially knew that something was wrong. How? Well, by applying the mating bond in this picture we can easily deduct few things: Helion probably felt her distraught through the bond, was able to locate her and save her.

Another insight given by Helion is about Lady's relationship with Beron. Not only it gives us information about her young age (cue to Rhysand's mother and how her young age was also brought up as something very disturbing and not in favour of some mating bonds), but also we get to know that her marriage was arranged. Just like the reader, Feyre is left with these very personal insights and detailed descriptions - so she presses Helion more, to speak, to see if her suspicions are correct.

Another person jumps into the conversation and it is Mor who hands the information of a possible romance between Lady and Helion. We learn that both of them met at an equinox ball before she was proposed with an arranged marriage with Beron. Feyre's curiosity is evident in the way she perks up at Mor's words. Helion on the other hand counter-attacks and provides us with the political background of the story. The Lady was basically left without a choice when it came to her love life.

Helion saved Beron's wife during the war. And Beron didn't know and still doesn't have an idea that it was Helion who saved the Lady.

Feyre tries to fish for more information - and Helion seems to be very reluctant to answer her question about his relationship with the Lady. It makes us think that, in fact, their relationship was somehow forbidden, being kept in secret. Moreover, what's even more interesting is the fact that we suddenly have a shift of focus on another person - Azriel. We are deliberately made aware of the fact that Azriel is listening to this important conversation.

We are starting to see Helion becoming slightly less humorous - Feyre can spot the difference between his usual self and the way he delivers his question. It suggests that the relationship and potential mating bond is a very touchy subject for him.

Their forbidden relationship went on for decades. They were secret lovers till Beron found about them. We see that contrast between the Lady with Helion - all brightness and smiles, Lady with Beron - withdrawn, timid, scared.

I clenched my teeth. “If you were her lover, why didn’t you stop it?” The wrong thing to say. Utterly wrong, by the dark fury that rippled across Helion’s face. “Beron is a High Lord, and she is his wife, mother of his brood. She chose to stay. Chose. And with the protocols and rules, Lady, you will find that most situations like the one you were in do not end well for those who interfere.”

Helion reacts with anger at Feyre's inquiry about his lack of participation in the case of the Lady's wellbeing. "Dark fury rippling across Helion's face" is also an interesting word choice. Again we are reminded that their romance was meant to end that way due to the notions of choice and politics.

“Beron never called you out for it?” “To publicly do so would be to admit that his possession made a fool of him. So we continue our little dance, these centuries later.” I somehow doubted that beneath that roguish charm and irreverence, Helion felt it was a dance at all.

Helion reminds us about politics that bind different Courts - in this case, we can easily see that the matter of choice in this example ends with Lady choosing duty over love. It also supplies us with an idea that if Helion would have wanted to fight for Lady he would need to participate in a blood duel. Yet, the Lady chose Beron - we don't know why Helion probably was left alone with the same question. However, by analyzing this situation I believe that Lady knew about the possibility of a blood duel happening she didn't want her potential mate to be hurt. So, in the end, she opted for a life in a loveless marriage with Beron. Furthermore, we have Rhysand and Feyre coming to the conclusion that Lucien is Helion's son - and he is the fruit of the loving relationship between Helion and the Lady.

What does this mean, though? Nothing—ultimately nothing. Other than the fact that Lucien might be Helion’s sole heir. And that … it changed nothing in this war. Especially not with Lucien on the continent, hunting that enchanted queen. A bird of flame … and a lord of fire. I wondered if they’d found each other yet.

The usage of the word "this war" is not a coincidence, as well as Rhysand's poor prediction of the future. Because as we know, right now - it changes a lot. Elain being his mate bounds him to the Night Court, so losing that relationship puts the Court at risk. Especially now, when Lucien doesn't know that Helion is his father. Another very important addition is the part about Lucien and Vassa. Feyre has prophetic tendencies and her thoughts about both Vassa and Lucien always focus on their... relationship. Not to mention that it was brought up after that whole conversation with Helion. With all these things above, I would like to move on to Elriel parallels. Starting with the Cauldron kidnapping Elain. Please bear in mind that this scene happens after the meeting with Helion, after learning about the story of Lady's and Helion's romance.

But Azriel asked softly, “What about Elain?”

The one who noticed that Elain was absent was Azriel, we can speculate whatever it was his intuition, his shadows, or perhaps some kind of feeling that made him aware of her absence. Yet, it's not a coincidence that another male character, the one who doesn't have an official mate is the only one who either felt/realized that she was taken. That's the first parallel I would love to bring to your attention - Helion was the one who found and rescued the Lady. Now, the situation is almost identical - Hybern attacks via Cauldron takes Elain to the war camps.

And what Hybern would do to Elain, might already be doing— From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.” Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows. Nesta said, “Then you will die.” Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”

Azriel reacts with rage, a silent debate raging within him. He is battling something deep inside him, which is obstructed from the reader's point of view. I wonder why? He is the one who swears to find her and rescue her. Also, worth mentioning how Feyre seems to realize the graveness of the situation - as if she can remember the conversation she had with Helion about what happened with sisters of the Lady of Autumn Court. War camps. Nobody would walk away from them alive.

We looked to Rhys, to Cassian and Nesta, to Mor—right as she appeared, breathless, between the tent flaps. Her eyes went to me, then the shadowsinger, and flared with shock and fear—

In this scene we also have Mor. Mor was present during Helion's conversation and gave input about their love and forbidden relationship. Mor that possess the power of Truth. Is it possible that Mor knew about the mating bond between Helion and the Lady? Is it possible that Mor knows about the truth of the mating bond between Lucien and Elain? Does Mor know about the potential mating bond between Azriel and Elain? There are so many questions and we don't get an answer. Mor keeps secrets, which is understandable yet it provides a whole new aspect of Mor being the one who realizes what's happening. (Not to mention that Mor is always present when Elain is with Lucien, assessing them.)

Screaming. A shadow gripped my shoulder, reminding me not to run. Ianthe would not run—would not show alarm. My mouth went dry as that scream sounded again. I couldn’t bear it—to let it go on, to see what was being done— Azriel’s shadow-hand grasped my own, tugging me closer. His rage rippled off his invisible form.

It is Azriel who reacts once again with - rage. At the thought of Elain being tortured, abused, or being killed. Feyre can't stomach the idea of what is happening to her sister in this war camp.

I could feel Jurian’s smile against my ear. “She’s in his tent. Chained with steel and a little spell from his favorite book.” Shit. Shit. Perhaps I should have gotten Helion, who could break almost any—

The mention of Helion is such a beautiful parallel. We, as readers, are amidst a rescue mission. A situation that was very similarly described few chapters before, a situation in which it was Helion in Azriel's shoes. In the past it was - Helion and Lady, here in the "future" we have - Azriel and Elain. The same circumstances - Hybern attack/Hybern powers, three sisters, and the only one is targeted, a savior that isn't husband/mate finding and rescuing the girl.

Azriel gently removed the gag from her mouth. “Are you hurt?” She shook her head, devouring the sight of him as if not quite believing it. “You came for me.” The shadowsinger only inclined his head.

I could write a whole meta about this quote because it's ridden with such enormous parallels and foreshadowing. Let's start with the simplest one, which is the word "devour". It has very strong connections to physicality, it basically means that Elain greedily took him in, he was her focal point at that moment. Also, the following addition of her not quite believing that, in fact, it is Azriel who arrived before her - she hadn't expected him to rescue her and you may be wondering why? It all beautifully goes with the idea of two mates/true mates theories - what is making me say this with so much certainty? Well, first of all, ACOWAR is full of descriptions of how a healthy mating bond works, for example, Feysand one. It's a bridge connecting two souls through which our emotions, thoughts can be perceived for the other person.

Find me, find me, find me, I tried shouting down that bond. But my mate’s wry voice didn’t answer. There was only the roaring void.

This happens at the begging of ACOWAR when Feyre tries to communicate with Rhysand through their mating bond. I find it very interesting that throughout the whole book the trope of "finding your true love, significant other" is very persistent. This brings me back to the theory that both Azriel and Helion heard their mates' cries of help and that's how they were able to rescue them and find them. In addition to that Elain's "you came for me" is striking so many questions. What does she mean? Why is she so docile and peaceful? As if she somehow had an idea that someone will come for her - did she perhaps inwardly call through the mating bond? This, again, brings us to another parallel - Beron doesn't know that it was Helion who rescued the Lady. Lucien doesn't know that it was Azriel who saved Elain - which, we really don't know if he even felt/knew that something has happened.

The hounds closed in, two breaking away—to cut to the side. To herd us. For that was a cliff at the other edge of the camp. A cliff with a very, very long drop, and unforgiving river below.

I'm bringing this up because the setting is oddly familiar with the run of Lady of Autumn's one. The isolated place, a trap etc.

Azriel’s roar echoed off the rocks as the hound slammed into him, dragging those shredding talons down his spine, his wings— The girl screamed, but Elain moved. As Azriel battled to keep them airborne, keep his grip on them, my sister sent a fierce kick into the beast’s face. Its eye. Another. Another. It bellowed, and Elain slammed her bare, muddy foot into its face again. The blow struck home. With a yelp of pain, it released its claws—and plunged into the ravine.

Parallel on parallel. We have Hybern's beasts, we have a similar setting again and fight. What is different, however, is that in Helion's case it was solely him that destroyed beasts while rescuing the Lady. Here, however, it is Elain that fights against beasts - she who had never trained, she who is a gardener is fighting against evil. She is kicking as the beasts hurt Azriel. She took the initiative and killed the beast at that moment when they previously hurt Azriel. Also, the most beautiful comparison in my opinion is the fact that after Elain knocks the beast it falls down the ravine, dying. It is somehow very symbolic that Elain kills the beast that falls into the ravine, whereas Lady of Autumn is stuck in the ravine as beasts approach her and it is the moment when Helion saves her.

The gray light of morning had broken over the world, mist clinging to our ankles as we headed into that camp, Azriel still cradling Elain to his chest. He dripped blood behind him the entire time—a trickle compared to the torrent that should be leaking out.

After that intense battle, they arrive in the safety, but Azriel still holds on Elain even if he himself is bleeding all over the place.

Rhys lunged for Azriel, taking Elain from him and gently setting my sister down. Azriel rasped, swaying on his feet, “We need Helion to get these chains off her.” Yet Elain didn’t seem to notice them as she rose up on her toes and kissed the shadowsinger’s cheek.

Another mention of Helion in that very parallel setting. He was very present during the rescue mission, which is a neat way of showering the audience with foreshadowing. If I wanted to indulge even more in the symbolism of this scene, I would point out that the chains on Elain are very symbolic as well. They could either mean the restrain of her powers, but also the chains of the "lack of freedom", "lack of choice". Being freed by both Azriel and Helion is something that I believe is very important to remember while waiting for the next book. Because even if Elain is a mirror to Lady - Elain will change the course of her story. Elain is going to choose love over duty, she will choose Azriel - which ends with them discovering that, in fact, the bond was there from the beginning. Helion getting rid of those chains is also a metaphor for what is to come. He will break Lady's chains by fighting with Beron during the blood duel. In this timeline, Azriel and Elain are symbolism of healthy love, mating bond, freedom of choice. Lucien doesn't mirror Beron, because he himself doesn't want to be with Elain since both of them don't feel comfortable with each other, they are making each other miserable. Not to mention the fact that their mating bond is... very weak and through the ACOWAR and ACOSF we see that it is different from the true mating bonds that are present in the universe. Azriel-Elain-Lucien triangle will break the past wheel of unhappiness and forced love, changing it by their own rules of free choice. As for Helion-Lady-Beron love story, if I may be so bold, the blood duel is going to happen and Beron will die - freeing Lady and Helion from him and politics that kept them away. If you are still not sure if these two situations are foreshadowing I would love to put this quote as the ending of this very long meta.

Azriel shrugged. “We—Rhys, Cass, and I—will occasionally remind each other that what we think to be our greatest weakness can sometimes be our biggest strength. And that the most unlikely person can alter the course of history.”

And as you can guess, that very unlikely person who altered the course of history in ACOWAR was Elain when she killed King of Hybern.

[azrielsbxtch]

18 Reasons why I think Gwynriel is endgame...

1. There was no need for SJM to make Gwyn a romantic character. She could have made her Nesta’s bestie and left it that. She would still have the Azriel and Lucien love triangle to work with if Elriel was really endgame. But she made her a love interest for a reason. She threw the spotlight on Gwyn and Az at the ending of his chapter for a reason.

2. Azriel is a very closed off person. We hardly see any emotion from him. Even when he’s around the IC. But in 3 pages Gwyn manage to make Azriel laugh,chuckle,surprised and made his shadows curious and dance. She also managed to get him to reveal that he sings. Something that’s obviously personal to him. We have 3 books worth of Elriel moments and so far we’ve gotten no emotional moments with them. Just lingering glances and pure unadulterated lust.

3. Elriel sounds toxic as hell. I feel like Az has never had any form of romantic love in his life and has latched on to this “3 brothers 3 sisters” thing because he desperately wants to be loved like his brothers.But Feysand and Nessian are mates. He can NEVER have that kind of love with Elain. It’s written in the books that the mating relationship if accepted transcends every other form of relationship. Things like marraige become basic next to the mating bond. There is no way Elriel can even emulate Nessian or Feysand because they’re not connected that way.I also think both Az and Elain are using each other to run away from their issues. Az feels left behind because his brothers are on the next step of their lives and he doesn’t want to be left behind.Elain is also using Az to run away from facing Lucien.

4. SJM said she was sure about Elucien the same way she was sure about Nessian in a Facebook Live.

5. Like all other SJM leading ladies, Gwyn has an artistic ability. I’m sorry but singing is far more interesting than gardening.

6. The fact that Az refused to answer when Rhys asked him “What about Mor?” Is a huge red flag for me. If he had sorted out the Mor thing he could have told Rhys he’s not going after Mor anymore. But he kept quiet. And then deflected the question. Also when Helion came and he asked “Where’s my beautiful Mor” Azriel literally stiffened before answering him tightly...Az is running away from something that happened with Mor or something that he’s not ready to face. And he’s using Elain to do it. 500 years of love is not going to disappear in a year. I think Az finally realized he could never be with Mor,then he saw Rhys and Cassian getting their happily ever after with two sisters....so he latched on to Elain so he could also get his happily ever after.

7. At the end of his POV, it said “He could picture it though,as he ascended the stairs back to the house proper.How Gwyn’s teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason,he could see it. But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep,where it glowed quietly. A think of secret,lovely beauty.” Obviously there’s something there that he’s not ready to confront. That’s why he buried it deep down.

8. His shadows dissapear around Elain. But they play and sing with Gwyn. His shadows are what makes him different. They’re part of him and they always warn him of any danger or any thing. He learnt their song as a child in those dungeons. They saved him. I don’t know why people think his shadows disappearing around Elain is a good thing. They didn’t just disappear they “skittered” away. That means to go away very quickly. Like they don’t like being around her. He’s a shadow singer. It’s not a title someone made up like he said. He was born a shadow singer. And shadowsingers are extremely rare. In fact Az is the only one we know of. And people want his shadows to disappear? Because of Elain? Lose an important part of himself like that cause of Elain?His shadows are not going anywhere. And if they don’t like being around Elain....well.....And now we’ve seen that the shadows can interact positively with people. That they’re more sentient than we thought. That means they CHOSE to run away from Elain and they CHOSE to play and sing with Gwyn.The fact that they didn’t warn him that Gwyn was on the training ground....meaning it’s like they already know that she’s Azriels safe spot. They don’t need to warn him because they already recognize her and acknowledge her. Deep down Az knows but he’s not ready to face it because Elain,his trauma,his self loathing,his insecurities and Mor.

9. Why hasn’t Elain rejected the mating bond. If she was really ready to get together with Azriel....if she really felt anything more than a desperation to run away from her problems...it’s a simple matter of rejecting the mating bond. Rhys wouldn’t let Lucien come to solstice if Elain asked him not to. But even in ACOSF we see Lucien still coming over...still celebrating. Yes she ignores him and honestly if she wants to ignore him she can just fully reject him. But for some reason they’re still playing this cat and mouse game.

10) The fact that we keep getting teasers about how Elain will fit in the spring court. Twice now. I think its also very symbolic how Cassian made a whole monologue on how Elain looked plain in Night court colors. It was symbolism that Elain doesn’t really fit in the night court. The night court is Azriels home. Elain is also described as someone always looking for sunshine. She’s either going to the spring court or guess who the heir to the day court is.....Lucien. Also I think her leaving the night court is the perfect opportunity to expand the drama into other courts. So far we’ve only seen the night court fully. If Elain leaves the night court for whatever reasons more plot lines could be added and other courts incorporated.

11) When Rhysand asked Az if he planned on seducing her away from Lucien,Az said that he hadn’t actually gone that far in his planning beyond pleasuring himself. Come on guys. We see how Cassian and Rhys think about Feyre and Nesta. Yes it’s sexual but there’s always undercurrents of sentimentality. Rhys never even thought about Feyre sexually until she started healing. His first concern was to get her better after Tamlin. In Wings and Embers,yes Cassian thought of Nesta sexually but he also thought about her as a person first. He said the first time he saw Nesta he saw through all of her. Not her face,not her body,HER. Nesta Archeron. It’s written in wings and embers.With Az it’s literally just sexual fantasies. We don’t see him think of Elain in any other way apart from sexually.Apart from gardening he doesn’t really know anything about Elain. And Elain doesn’t know anything about Azriel either. How can they have 3 books of interactions and not know anything about each other but Gwyn and Azriel have one interaction and she gets him to admit that he sings.

12) People want Elain to fix Azriel. The whole sunshine to his darkness thing. It’s like people think Azriel is this darkness that only Elains sunshine can drive out and heal. I think that’s an incredibly naive belief. First of all there’s nothing to fix in Azriel. He is not a bad person. He’s a person with trauma and you don’t “fix” trauma you heal from it. How can he heal with Elain when he hides all parts of himself from her. Including his shadows. It’s like Rhys said,there’s different types of darkness. And you can embrace it. Just like how Feyre embraced the darkness with him. I think Gwyn is going to do that for Az. Embrace the darkness and all the flaws and faults with him. Elain is described as someone who thrives under sunshine. That’s why she looks so bland in night court colors. It’s not suited to her. Azriel is the personification of darkness. Yes it’s cute thinking about darkness / sunshine but you’re forgetting that these aren’t two fairies kissing in the meadow. They are two deeply traumatized people and sunshine and rainbows will not sustain a relationship where both parties have to change who they are to co-exist.

13) I feel like Azriel deserves his own person. He’s attached himself twice to people who he cannot have relationships with without certain difficulty. He chooses them but Mor never chose him and Elain chose him after Graysen and Lucien. I fully believe Elain is attaching herself to Az because she’s running away from the mating bond. And she’s obviously attracted to Az because come on....it’s Az. But is it love?I want someone to choose Azriel for once without any preamble and not while they’re running away from their mating bonds and boy problems.And Gwyn is in prime position to do that. That’s literally all he wants. To be part of something like his brothers. Where your partner consciously chooses you.

14) Mates are usually close in power. Azriel is one of the strongest Illyrians. Gwyn singlehandedly revived the Valkyries and is a trained warrior.Plus they have both completed the blood rite and are both Carynthian. She’s one of the two females to ever do that. She’s already a legend. She’s an icon. And she is the moment.

15. Azriel regifting that necklace to Gwyn is literally the perfect setup for conflict in their relationship. SJM wrote that because she’s going to use it for drama later. When Gwyn finds out Az gave her a necklace he got for his crush!!! Um-

16) I’m not blind. I realize there are multiple Elriel scenes and cute moments. However this is SJM. If she can drown Feylin where Feyre literally sacrificed herself for love,where they’ve actually said I love you to each other .....if she can drown Chaolena where like it or not there were a lot of multiple and adorable moments......if she can drown Celeana and Dorian,Chaol and Nesryn.....I don’t think that some moments thrown here and there can save Elriel. I’m not saying it’s not significant.....but all these other relationships were significant too.....until they weren’t....Translation... Elriel was significant until Gwyn came along.

17) All these Gwyn and Azriel interactions are not coincidental. It’s setting up for something. Come on. Azriel is a shadow singer. Gwyn then happens to be a singer? (which is an artistic ability...something every main Female character of SJM has) .....and then we find out Az sings? You think that’s a coincidence? I think it’s setting up for something.

18) Their book will hopefully be called a A Court of Songs and Shadows. ACOSAS.

In conclusion,yes Azriel showed obvious signs that he was into Elain. And he was even staying away from her. And was even jealous of Lucien.But I’m sticking to my theory which basically says, Azriel has never known love his whole life. And whatever made him fall out with Mor,made him go straight to the next place where he found kindness and love that could be romantic. Elain. But Azriel clearly wants to find love like his brothers. But they’re mates. He’s not Elains mate and will never be. So he’ll never get that kind of love with Elain.

[acourtofthought]

HAVE YOU READ THE BONUS CHAPTER!? I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS!

Bonus Chapter Spoilers Ahead in regards to the ACOTAR characters:

I think the bonus really highlighted the friendship that seems to continue building between Az and Nesta. In it we see Az apologize for his snapping at her which is a big deal for his character as he's one to usually sulk and brood rather than owning up to his behavior. And I think that's all very important when you consider Gwyn and Nesta are best friends (along with Emerie) and Cassian and Az are best friends. So a relationship between Gwynriel with a beautiful friendship between Nesta and Az is a pretty perfect setup.

I also think it shows Az and Nesta still haven't fully learned their lesson about undermining Elain considering Nesta talks of how she and her sister were made fae by the King and Az immediately follows that up with how the king was defeated and Nesta beheaded him, with Nesta responding how he had it coming.

No shade to Nesta but she continues telling this story on repeat whenever it's brought up as if she did something brag worthy on her own when it's being conveniently left out that she owes Elain her own and Cassian's life. How seconds before Nesta beheaded him, Elain stopped him from killing them by putting a blade through his throat, making it possible for Nesta to behead him.

It's fine for them to claim Nesta stopped him from taking another breath but it's not fine for them to act like she did something dangerous or heroic or difficult. I used this metaphor before but it's like my husband taking a cake out of the oven once the timer goes off and him taking credit for baking it even though I spent 30 minutes mixing the ingredients and putting into the oven in the first place.

Nesta and Az don't even need to say "Elain" stabbed him if they're trying to avoid specifics but they could say, after someone stopped him from harming Nesta, she was able to finish him off but they both act as if it was really all Nesta's doing.

It's not that I hate Az or Nesta for this fact, I do acknowledge that SJM keeps pushing this narrative because she's trying to make the point that Elain isn't valued in the NC, that they either still try to protect her in a way that hinders her growth or they just can't admit to themselves that maybe she doesn't need them in the way they're desperate to be needed because being someones protector gives them a sense of self worth. But it's become almost comical how many times SJM has give their character chances to acknowledge the parts Elain played in the war yet neither does.

Also, I think it's clear Az is still salty about not having a mating bond, 7 months after the events of Solstice. To me, that doesn't mean he has feelings for Elain but wants his own mating bond, something that he in canon does not have with anyone that we know of. Which is fine, all the ACOTAR males had wanted a mating bond because they grew up realizing what a special thing it was. But I think anyone trying insist that he'd be happy with Elain knowing she has a bond with someone else is an argument they'll lose in the end. I think E/riel ended on Solstice but even if there was something still there, I believe he'd always wonder if his mate was out there somewhere and that's not the kind of setup that ends well for anyone.

My final thought is that the E/riel theory that Az's shadows work off "firstlight" is ridiculous considering the battery of Bryce's phone died and it was Az humming to himself that caused the shadows to dance. And the kind of music he preferred was what he called "pleasure hall" music to which Bryce replied "are you a club rat".

Music has never been a part of Elain's arc. She likes balls, for sure but I can almost bet that the dancing and music of a ball are much different than that of a pleasure hall. Does Gwyn like the pleasure hall scene? No clue but we do know that Nesta and Feyre mention Elain herself never frequented the bar scene. And it cannot be denied that SJM created a very obvious parallel between the end of his bonus in SF, what with Az's shadows singing in answer to Gwyn's singing and the end of the HOFAS bonus, with his shadows dancing along to his own humming.

I still don't think that means Az's books being next is a certainty. Music preferences and bitterness over a lack of a canon mating bond are still not relevant to where things left off in Silver Flames (the issues with Koschei, Beron, Spring, the treaty).

I think SJM is continuing to build up who Az is so that anyone who does read across her series will have a better idea of his character when it's time for his book, whether it's after Elucien or before, but that buildup continues putting him farther away from Elain and closer to Gwyn as his endgame.