#for this opportunity to just vent off a little bit of the feelings I am having

[jamiesfootball]

🌹🌹🌹 to have on hand if you want to share or brag on anything while in your reaching 100k push <3

I have been staring at this one curiously, trying to seize on the perfect thing to share.

Then I stared at it mournfully during the time I was waiting for my new charger to arrive.

Now my charger is here, I can pick back up on my word count, and I am a mere 2200 words away so I will hit 100k this weekend or so help me.

That said, I've realized what I want to share isn't a snippet -- it's some brain goo.

For Oh God You're Gonna Get It (You Have Not Been Given Love), I want to talk about the chapter without Jamie.

This chapter is midway through the fic, and it's current working title is 'Six Rounds' (also known in my head as 'Six Round Roy.') The conceit of this chapter is that while Jamie is away in Manchester for the weekend, Roy has a series of conversations (again, this is Talking: The Fic) with six different characters. Storylines are progressed, he gets to stretch some of his new therapy muscles, and he also gets to run headlong into that common 'I'm fixing my life' pitfall of rushing to try to fix too much at once.

To me, I enjoy the concept of a chapter like this - not only for the narrative break, but because I enjoy it when characters have many people (I will find the Vonnegut quote, the 'you are not enough people' quote, and post it later). So we get to see a bit of how Roy is fitting in with everything- with his new position as manager, his relationship with the players as both a coach and a mentor/friend, his relationship with Keeley and how that's changed. And one more bit that I'll get into.

However it's been digging into the back of my head- are people going to enjoy a whole chapter without Jamie? And a very very long chapter at that. Most of my chapters have an average of 3-5 scenes at inception, with smaller bits that grow in between to connect them. This chapter is 6 almost completely non-related scenes, and I can already feel the need for glue to hold them all together.

So it's been worrying me - a whole freaking chapter without Jamie? Someone's going to skip it, or skim it, because it doesn't have their favorite guy in it.

But then I had the realization as I was making my notes on it that actually despite not being physically there Jamie's in every scene. I don't mean in a he-crossed-Roy's-mind way either. All the conversations he has, Jamie is in them somewhere. That's just how baked into Roy's life he is at that point. That's how baked in he is to Richmond at this point. He's just there, a presence in everyone's life, and especially Roy's life, so of course he comes up.

Which is why it's telling that the one conversation that he doesn't come up in, that 1 time out of 6 conversations in this very long chapter, is when Roy is trying to have a conversation with the people who aren't really in his life at all. His parents.

[simpforrooster]

heard it all.

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x f!Reader

summary: reader vents to mav and penny about her feelings for a certain mustached fighter pilot. a/n: my take on a request from @kpopgirlbtssvt. i latched on to one part of the request and took off. i hope you still like it!

"What's going on in that head of yours?" the low voice of Maverick pulls you from your thoughts.

"Hmm, I don't know what you're talking about," you reply, continuing on without another thought.

"You've been wiping down that same spot of the bar for ten minutes."

Maverick and Penny, your boss, exchange a knowing glance. You look at the rag in the hand as if seeing it for the first time.

"I think it's plenty clean, y/n," Penny comments, winking at Mav.

Placing a hand on your hip, you stare the two of them down. "What are you two silently saying to one another?"

Penny shrugs a shoulder. "Oh nothing." You can see it in her eyes though. She knows exactly what has your brain all a-mush.

More like who.

Bradley Bradshaw.

The Hawaiian shirt wearing aviator.

The hot Hawaiian shirt wearing aviator.

He captured your heart the first day you met him. Sure, his looks were what drew you to him initially. But he was so nice. Like green flags all around.

You shake your head at the two people who have become a pseudo family to you. Tossing the rag onto the counter, a sigh escapes your mouth.

"Y'all just give it up. We're just friends." Your voice breaks on the word friends, and your eyes squeeze shut to hide your embarrassment.

"Come on," Penny starts.

Holding up a hand, you stop her. "Penny, please. It already hurts enough. He's the nicest, sweetest guy I've ever met."

Your chest heaves as you breath through your emotions.

"I have never met another man like him. He makes me feel seen. He makes me feel beautiful."

Maverick makes a move like he is going to say something, but Penny lays a hand on his arm, stopping him.

"And as if the silly little age difference isn't enough, he only sees me like a sister." A tear falls along your cheek, surprising you. Of course, you've grieved the non-relationship before. It isn't out of the norm to sob into your wine glass with Phoenix.

It's the first time you've ever cried in front of Penny and Mav.

The sound of a clearing throat has your spinning around.

Rooster looks at you, his brows knit together. You can't read the look on his face, but it can't be good. It tells you everything you need to know.

He heard it all.

And he doesn't feel the same.

Reaching up to sloppily wipe your tears, you tried to step around him, mumbling something so incoherent you can't decipher the words.

Rooster's strong arms reach out and stop you in your tracks.

"I can promise you I do not see you as a sister," he says, his voice low.

Not that you try, but words refuse to come out your mouth. How could they? The way he's staring at you has your heart beating in overdrive.

"Did you really mean all that?" he asks. His eyes roam over your face, searching for something. It takes you a second to realize he looks a little scared.

Scared of being rejected.

Bradley doesn't like you back. There's no way. He's had plenty of opportunities to make a move and hasn't.

He takes one step closer to you, the soles of your shoes meeting.

"Of course, Bradley." The sentence comes out barely a whisper, but he heard it. His hand snakes around your neck and settles into your hair. "Why wouldn't I be madly in love with you?"

A delicious groan escapes from his mouth before he closes the space between you. His lips meet yours and suddenly the Earth moves beneath your feet as the planets snap into alignment.

Bradley's lips are finally on yours, and it feels every bit as right as you imagined.

He pulls back so his mouth is feather light against yours. "Sweetheart, I am wildly in love with you." The words fall on your ears in soft whispers. Your eyes fall closed to relish in the way all this feels.

Bradley brings his mouth back to yours, pulling you tight against him. Your height difference has never been more apparant that right this second.

"Okay, okay, get a room," Maverick calls, followed by a, "Oof," as Penny's arm comes into contact with his solid stomach.

masterlist.

a/n: i hope y'all enjoy this one! i've been struggling with a little bit of writer's block.

[its-vannah]

Surprise | Eddie Roundtree x Reader

A/N: This easily became one of my favorites I've ever written. Hope you all enjoy it 💕

Warnings: Please scroll down to the bottom of the fic as it contains heavy spoilers

Daisy Jones and The Six Masterlist

Eddie paced around your apartment, waving his hands in the air while he rattled on about Billy's treatment of him during one of their latest concerts.

The two of them weren't exactly cordial to each other, with one usually down the others throat, but you understood how Eddie felt. He had finally gotten the chance to have a minute in the spotlight while Daisy sang—and Billy ripped the opportunity out of his hands.

As soon as he got back from the tour, he went straight home to vent to you about it.

"I mean, who the fuck does he think he is?" Eddie exclaimed, his slapping his sides, "If he's not the center of attention, then he's not happy!"

He rambled on, "And his whole obsession with Daisy? Don't get me started. They don't even let us write for the albums—at all. You know, Graham wrote a song. A fucking great song. And you know what Billy said?"

"What did he say?" You hummed.

"He said no, we don't want your damn song on the album because it's not your job to write the songs."

You tilted your head to the side, "Verbatim?"

"Well, no, but that's what he meant," Eddie groaned, bracing himself against one of the barstools in the kitchen, "He's got a stick permanently shoved up his ass."

You got up from your spot on the couch and walked to stand behind him. Once your fingers found his shoulders, you began moving them in circles to loosen up the tension in his upper body.

He relaxed a bit, leaning into your touch.

"Eddie, I'm sorry that happened at the concert," You said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade, "Next time, stand your ground. Tell him if it's been decided you'll go out there, then you're going to go. To hell with what he thinks. It's not just his band, it's all of yours."

A sigh escaped his lips as he nodded, "It feels like shit being on his bad side. He always wants to be in control."

"Then let him," You said as he turned to face you, "It'll catch up with him eventually."

Eddie pressed his lips to your temple, wrapping his arms around you, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was a dick when I got home," He explained, "Didn't even ask how my girl's day was."

Your hand moved to cup his cheek, rubbing his cheekbone with your thumb, "It's okay, Ed, you had a shitty day with Billy. You know I'm here if you need someone to talk to. You should, anyway, I'm your wife."

Your teasing tone caused a slight smile to appear on his face as he leaned in to kiss you—properly, as he said, this time.

He pulled away not long after, "So, how were you while I was gone?"

"About that," You said, taking a step back towards the living room to grab something from beneath the side table, "I have a surprise for you."

"For me?" He questioned, confusion washing over his face before he raised his eyebrows, "I mean, if you're in the mood, I am. How long has it been? Since the day before the tour?"

Playfully glaring back at Eddie, you picked the small box up and carried it over to him, "Put your hands out

"I feel like a kid all over again," He admitted as he stuck his hands out, "Don't tell me I have to close my eyes."

"You don't."

"Is it a pony?" He teased, causing you to laugh in response.

You shrugged, "Let's just hope I got the right kind."

He held the box in his hands, confused as to what it could be.

"Open it."

He undid the ribbon, sliding it off the box before lifting the lid. The bassist was left with more tissue paper, something he was never fond of.

Once he lifted back the layers and saw the contents, his eyes widened.

Inside was a pair of little baby boots and a small guitar pick. Unlike some of his bandmates who would've stared at it wondering what it meant until they had to be told, it clicked in his head right away.

In a small, soft voice, his eyes met yours, "You're pregnant?"

You nodded as he set the box down on the coffee table, gently taking you in his arms and weaving his hands through your hair, pressing your head to his chest.

"God, I'm gonna be a dad."

Smiling into his chest, you inhaled the lingerinf scent of his cologne, "The best."

The two of you stood there for a while, living in the world you had created on your own. In that moment, there was no Billy, no band, and no way in hell anything could ever tear you away from eachother.

------------------------------------------------------------

Warnings: Pregnancy, marriage, Billy Dunne SLANDER

[siremasterlawrence]

The Hypnotist Circle - Gassing Glen

What happened to Glen? Well! You see it all started because my car was dirty driving on my way to the beach.I saw his place was open so just drove in to see him enjoying hosing himself down a bit too much.My God! He had a hard to a disturbing level as he saw me, he giggles putting it down and lifts up the pocket.

I shake my head as he gets to work soaping up my car soon every inch in crevice is all suds up and I am hir with a blast off water works. I exit the car to see it pristine clean so I aid him to clean the car and as he goes in with his vacuum my plan is unfurled.I watch him do his job from the back I enjoy his butt with the knowledge of would soon be all mine to fuck with as I please.

He notices my engine light is starting to act weird when he bumped in to so he offers it free of charge and pops the hood.A bellow of gas’s shoots outward on to his face covering it as he yawns, eyes close, hands falls to the side and he falls backwards in

to my arms.

“Glen Activate”

“Glen Activation Initiated “

“Stand up”

“Open your shirt “

“Grab a hose”

“You add the hottest guy ever”

“You want to keep your customers “

“Put on a show “

“Yeehaw! How about you soak me up bud”

Enthusiastically I take the opportunity with gusto charging at him with the bucket of soapy water. Nothing gave me more lust and pleasure than soaping him up head to toes as he smirks with gleeful joy and wild abandonment.

On my command he grabs the hose washing himself off with it as he smiles excitedly like a wicked as if he were a petulant little kid who so behaving so abhorrently but who could be mad at that face I certainly can’t in fact I refuse too.

Quickly he gets dressed as he semi comes to his senses of his life but not of what had happened for him. Nor does he care at all because a few minutes later he is back to cleaning my car again.

“Can you check the air conditioner?”

“Sure! What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s the smell “

“Yeah! It’s horrific “

“I know right! It’s so hard to smell anything else.”

“You can’t but inhale it”

“It turns you on”

“Makes you hard”

“Yeah”

A few weeks later I saw him at a gym he goes to apparently completely in beast mode as it were demolishing every rep he could muster. I stood in amazement watching. I sign before I get a brilliant ideaIf I say so myself sneaking downstairs with no one eyes on me I manage to make it to the air vents.

Turning the distribution of air up I pour in a bigger amount of the gas as I watch its pump output increasing by second and place to nose plugs in to my nostrils as I wait for the magic. I waltz back upstairs to see him solely occupying room mindless on the machine with a sweet smile on his face unsuspecting of what is going on.

All my feeling of guilt evaporating from the moment I see his chiseled frame fill out his clothes and I even to fondle him with so much alertness and care. I strip him of clothes as I sit on his lap embracing him with a hug, inhaling his scent and finally kissing him.

Snapping my finger he comes to life once more finishing his set for me to watch in awe but also to do a victory lap in his bed later as a thank you. The place closes as we leave dog the night my words go soft to him inviting me in to his car as we drove off to his home.

He offers me a drink which I take feeling a deep connection to me he sits closer than before his eyes dart between mine and my cock. We kiss as electricity surges between us the whole world we be in awe at my good ole Hypno magic at work and no escape from it.

“Shall we take this to the bedroom”

“Yes Sir”

“1…2…3”

“No please !”

“SLEEP “

“Ugh!”

“I understand your apprehension “

“I am in control though”

“You can sit back”

“Take a back seat”

“Go to sleep”

“Your body is in a world of reckoning “

“Pleasure”

“Pain”

“Ecstasy “

“True beauty “

“Love every touch of my hand “

“The warmth of my body “

“Our connection “

“Your heart beats fast for me”

“Can you deny it?”

“Uuugggh”

“Well”

“No”

“Speak up next time”

“Here me out”

“Love me”

“Sweetheart “

“Fuck! I love you “

“My hand guides your cock”

“At my command cum and submit “

“CUM”

“FUCK”

“Yyyyeeesssss Mmmaaasssttteeerrrr”

The end

[sillywabbits]

👉👈 ...does anyone else kinda wish Tumblr had an option that allowed you to hide the Note count on posts? Like, just a completely optional thing each user can toggle on/off according to their comfort/preference. Kinda like how insta gives you the option to view the number of likes, or just hide the number completely.

Lil' RSD vent/feeling share below. No pressure to read. Just been meaning to put my feelings down somewhere;

It's just.. for me personally, my mean RSD ridden brain overthinks when I see numbers.. constantly putting me in a state of comparing myself.. or question the appeal of my work.. or making me feel like my value as an artist is measured by that count. And maybe it partly ties into my own weird insecure, self worth feelings. But mostly just.. it makes me get caught in my brain about if my art is even likable or decent enough to be appealing? Or annoying for people to look at? Or.. if the kind of stuff I make isn't a lot of people's cup of tea? I draw nothing but fluffy mush. My brain makes me anxious and insecure if that's boring or.. not interesting enough for others to like. I don't really dabble in angst or what my brain has deemed the, "cooler content."

I know rationally I nor anyone can draw to appease everyone. As I would tell anyone else feeling these types of things, someone out there will enjoy what you do. (And I've met some super kind of people who have said immensely sweet and endearing things about my stuff. And I thank you endlessly for it! /gen 💞)

And ultimately you should just draw what makes you happy to make yourself happy. Draw for yourself first and foremost.

..but

I wish my brain wouldn't emotionally rely on engagement from others for motivation to make art. I wish drawing things that make me happy, and the joy of making it in general was enough to motivate me better.

I don't think this is helped by how slowwww my art process is, and how my undiagnosed ADHD really makes it hard for me to will myself to draw as often as I'd like. My muse comes in spurts, one drawing/sketch can take me days to finish. And after all the energy and time it took, I think maybe I emotionally take things harder and am susceptible to getting disheartened/sensitive when my brain locks in on that number count. Making it a little harder to muster up more desire and energy to wanna draw again.

Sometimes thoughts of, 'when there are so many people that make the things you like to make, and it already exists and they're so cool, good and special for it.. why should you bother trying?'

And as a disclaimer, these are just anxiety-ridden thoughts! I don't think I fully 100% actually believe them!

They're just the thoughts my brain likes to bring to the forefront sometimes. When I'm experiencing RSD or feeling insecure/anxious. (I think these feelings can feel bigger maybe due to how my neurodivergency can affect me too.)

And god is it such a double standard. If any fellow person were sharing similar types of thoughts/feelings, I would have 101 ways to rebuttal and assure those mean thoughts of theirs away.

..but it's so hard to apply to same exact advice/care toward yourself. It's harder when it's you on the inside. You brain has made you feel like you're the exception. Like you don't deserve that same assurance for some reason. (Not saying this is true; just.. how my mean brain likes to talk at me fjdk /hj)

Again, I want to emphasize these aren't rational thoughts. They're just the feelings that get welled up inside me when I feel insecure. (It's one of many talking points I'd love the opportunity to bring up when I'm fortunate enough to get myself a therapist lol <3)

--

💕~Thank you dearly to anyone who was curious and felt they were in a place to read all this. They're just feelings that have been burrowed inside me I haven't really put out there yet. I know this community is super sweet and supportive, which is why I love being here. But I couldn't help feel a bit shy about sharing this stuff.

[moontyun]

TXT: The type of...

Masterlist

𐀔...best friend 𐀔 requested: no 𐀔 warning(s): 𐀔 genre: fluff-ish?, best friends

៚ Yeonjun

In the last one, we said he was somewhat possessive and jealous when someone got close to you, right? Well, he's the same here just a little more protective of you.

Someone isn't treating you right? He's there getting ready to fight them.

Someone had been getting under your skin at work lately. Everything they did, they said, or hell didn't do, it made you irrationally angry. They just did not know how to do their job properly. You had vented about it to him. "Want me to fight them?" You laughed a little bit, shaking your head no. Instead of offering you advice, he'd suggested violence. You expected nothing less. "No, but I appreciate the thought. If things don't get better soon then you can." He pouted at the response, grumbling about how he wasn't able to.

៚ Soobin

Tries to get you to look at both sides of the coin. Doesn't want you to just have a pessimistic view on things all the time.

But will tell you like it is. You're being a complete ass to someone for no reason and he will tell you to fix it because they didn't deserve that.

You had been venting and venting to him about someone you'd once dated. You felt like they were pushing you into a corner but too Soobin, that's not the way it was. They were telling you how they were feeling and you were taking it as an attack and that's not the way it was meant to be taken. This irked you, he was sympathizing with them. "You're wrong, but okay." was all you said to him, he rolled his eyes, "Sleep on it. Think it over cause you know I'm right." He ruffled your hair as you huffed, moving to the other side of the couch. He knew you'd cool off soon and agree with him.

៚ Beomgyu

Similar to Yeonjun except not as physically protective. Won't throw hands, but will talk all the smack he can to their face.

Will roast you at any given opportunity.

He was watching them like a hawk after you made a comment about your ex friend being at this party tonight. Every time the locked eyes, he would make disgusting looks at them. The most vile looks anyone has ever given. It was pretty funny to you. At first it was a little embarrassing, but there was nothing you could do to stop him, he was just going to keep doing it. So you just leaned into it. In fact you wound up joining him in it.

៚ Taehyun

A girls girl. He's very supportive and will support all your rights and all your wrongs.

But mainly because he wants you to learn from your dumb mistakes, even if it means you going back to your cheating ex for the 80th time.

Holds you accountable!

He'd given you the blankest stare you had ever seen him give. That's how you knew he wasn't too keen on you talking to this person again. This person had done you dirty so many times and yet you continually went back to them. This was your fourth time going back, your fourth time telling Taehyun that this person was your partner once again. "I love you, but you are dumb. I hope this time you learn because I don't know what to tell you anymore." Tough love from him yet again. You knew this was the reaction you'd get from him. You nodded your head, a little disappointed with yourself. Maybe you would learn this time.

៚ Kai

He picks you up and drags you around anywhere he has to go.

Everywhere you go, he goes and vice versa

Late night drives between the two of you are a must every weekend!

You'd just shown up to his place uninvited, your car keys in hand. "Let's go. I got a doctors appointment." He quickly grabbed his wallet and his house keys, locking the door behind him. He raced you to your car, opening it up for you. "Wow, ever such the gentleman." He beamed, "Of course I am." After your appointment, you guys went to grocery shopping and then went back to his place to chill out.

[inkblackorchid]

So... about season 3 Aki.

Ok harsh contrast to my previous, excited post, but I did say I had more to yell about episode 75 and I need to get this off my chest anyway. Plus, I remember mentioning in a post that I need to talk about season 3 onward Aki anyhow, so might as well do that now! I am thinking Big Thoughts and I need to Scream.

Long, incoherent, unhinged rant incoming because I have 100 things to say and 100000 screenshots to post, but I am also tired and my brain is mush.

Can we please talk about all the jarringly unfulfilled setup the start of season 3 did for Aki? Because I'm starting to feel an urge to claw at the walls. I'm gonna go through this, piece by piece of damning evidence, because I need to vent my utter confusion and frustration somehow, I guess. Okay. So.

After giving us a bit of time to settle in after the timeskip into the pre-WRGP stretch of things, the itty-bitty portion of the story Aki occupies at this point starts off arguably strong. Yusei gets kidnapped, everyone's in a frenzy about it, but Aki's especially worried.

Then this. Funky new signer powers! Nobody's been able to do this before! I wonder if they're going to do something with that! (Spoiler: They're not.)

Then Aki "no sense of self-preservation" Izayoi gets herself in a bunch of danger trying to rescue Yusei and we get this:

Oh! Wow! Aki can control her powers now! (Which: how. Why did they never show us this. That alone could have made for a whole mini-arc. Why waste that????) That would give the writers so many cool opportunities to let her use them! I wonder if they're going to do something with that! (Spoiler: They're not.)

(Side note: I love this scene. I love it to death. They're both ride-or-die "who cares for my safety when yours is on the line" for each other and I love them.)

Of course, shenanigans then ensue, leading up to Sherry's marvellous introduction.

(Mwah. I blow her a little kiss.)

And it is at this point that Aki Has An Epiphany.

And to top it off, she gets some interesting interactions with Sherry, too!

So Aki resolves that she wants to become a turbo-duellist, too. And the thing is, this isn't a little one-off thing or something they never deliver on. They end up building this up for several episodes, bit by bit. First we get another mention of it at the pre-WRGP press thingy they all attend:

Then it's brought up again when Yusei accepts the first duel against Bruno/Antinomy:

(Also, side note again, but can I just mention that Aki also gets this moment the episode before:)

(Where she literally puts herself directly in harm's way in a public setting to protect people with her powers??? Like, I'm sorry, pinch me or something, but how does that not scream "badass good girl setup"???? HOW?)

So we get at least three episodes worth of buildup where Aki agonizes over becoming a turbo duellist to understand what her friends (but especially Yusei) are feeling when they duel like that, and then they finally deliver on it and episode 75 has her getting her license. And it's fantastic. Seriously. That episode is golden. Not just because it delivers on this promise, not just because it has a really cute moment between Aki and Yusei in it (regardless of how you read their relationship dynamic), and not just because it (as per my last post) showcases how much the rest of Team 5Ds cares about Aki (by literally building a runner for her and accompanying her to her exam and don't even get me started on Jack beating up those jerks trying to make her crash unprompted) but because it gives us just that smidgen more detail about Aki's character, too. Because the thing is, at first, she majorly sucks at driving.

And not only is this realistic to a degree (learning to drive is hard, regardless of what you're learning to drive), it's also great, because you know what Aki's response to it is?

She keeps going. She doesn't let it get her down, she gets back up and tries again. (And from a writing standpoint, this is lovely because that stubbornness is great in situations like this, but you could easily turn it into a weakness in a different scenario if you wanted to.)

And not only does Aki learn driving the hard way here, she also finds herself confronted with jerks who don't want her to succeed,

(Ruka, sweetie, I love you.)

and she makes an absolute rookie mistake during her exam by trying to play a speed spell when she doesn't have the necessary speed counters.

And feel free to disagree, but I think this is also great. Because honestly? While driving a really damned fast motorcycle that I'm not super used to yet, and being expected to make solid tactical judgements in an overcomplicated card game—the rules of which are slightly different when you're playing it on a motorcycle—at the same time, I would likely also mess up like that and accidentally try to make an illegal play. But the thing is, the episode rewards her for sticking it out anyway by letting her pull off a really complicated driving manoeuvre to save herself from her envious turbo-duelling-license colleagues' cheap tricks, and by letting her score a really nice win from a tight spot, much like any of the boys would have in her position.

(Take that, you jerks. Dumbasses only get blurry screenshots.)

So Aki gets her license and is welcomed by the team as a fresh turbo duellist. Hooray!

(I love them all so, so much, help me.)

And we also get this:

Wouldn't you know it! Sherry's been watching Aki get her license with interest! And she seems to be mighty pleased with the result!

So. After all that, I don't think you could blame anyone (it's me, I'm anyone) for getting really excited about what Aki's gonna get up to from this point outward. Aki can control her powers now! And she got her turbo duelling license! And we've got a new, enigmatic side character who seems like she could have super interesting interactions with and play off Aki! I wonder what they're gonna do with all that.

*deep breath*

Sigh.

Seeing as I already know this show like the palm of my hand, I kind of dreaded getting past this episode because I know exactly what happens to Aki from this point out: Nothing. A whole lot of nothing. Okay, well, no. See, I went back and checked all the episodes I have left, just to make sure, just in case I forgot something (very likely when you've already watched the show three times, I know).

From here on out, during the entire pre-WRGP, WRGP, and Ark Cradle arc, Aki gets exactly three things to do:

She uses her shiny new turbo duelling license to fill in for Crow at the Team Unicorn match because he got injured. Which, on paper, is a perfect way to let her have the spotlight for a moment. Except, the only thing she gets that spotlight for is to last a hot four turns in the duel before losing spectacularly to Andre and literally never turbo duelling again for the rest of the show. (Like, yes. The moment where she summons Stardust Dragon is chefs kiss and legendary. But in light of the surrounding circumstances, it feels like a consolation prize to make up for the ensuing character trainwreck.)

Since Crow is technically still injured when they're meant to go up against Team Catastrophe, Aki trains to fill in for him there again. Except! They intentionally make her crash right before the duel, putting her in a short-term coma! And as the icing on the cake, when she wakes up, it also turns out she lost the powers she was only just able to control for absolutely. no. reason. None. They never bother explaining it, they don't even try to hint at why they might have vanished. (I have my own theories for why they had to let her powers vanish and they all start and end with the words "we couldn't be bothered to figure out how to write this character".)

At the very end of the show, the very end, after temporarily fridging Sherry, too, they dig both girls back up in order to let them participate in a three-way final boss duel with Crow. (Which is a fantastic duel, I love it to pieces. Genuinely.) You could argue that they tried to cash in on all the intrigue they set up between Aki and Sherry here, but—come on. At the end of the show? Seriously? Oh, and did I mention that for some reason, Aki's powers mysteriously reappear after this duel? For no reason? Again?

I just. It does not compute. They went as far as doing all this setup, letting Aki get the hang of her powers, letting her get her license, making her part of Team 5Ds, even giving us a new character that seemed like the perfect fit to let her bounce off of—and then, like some sort of kafkaesque reverse-miracle, they somehow managed to take a sharp left into "whoops, don't care about this character" and nearly wasted the entirety of that setup in one fell swoop. If it weren't for that finale saving at least a smidgen of it, I'd be holding a torch and a pitchfork over here. (Hell, I might, even knowing that Aki's final duel in the show is kickass.)

Please tell me if this is just me (15 years after the show released, I know, leave me alone), but this feels like they were literally loading Chekov's gun directly within view of the audience, only to later procede to toss the damned thing into the sea instead of firing it.

Okay. Okay, I think I'm done. For anyone who actually bothered with the whole post, first of all, thank you for your attention, secondly, sorry, but this does, indeed, still bother me ten years after I first found this show, so I had to get it out or it would have eaten at me forever. God damn it.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to writing fics where Aki actually gets something to do right this second. If anyone's interested in giving a fic series where Aki gets a separate character arc that tries to stay mostly canon-compliant after the defeat of the dark signers a go, you can find my stuff here.

[dyxtd21]

Reaction to getting bit or licked by a human (Decepticorns) (Part 3):

Lugnutella:

Lugnutella, being fanatically loyal to Megatwix, would likely interpret the situation as an attack, no matter how bizarre it seemed. If a human bit or licked him, he’d freeze for a moment, his chocolate-slicked brain trying to process what just happened. Then, with a booming voice, he’d exclaim something along the lines of:

“YOU DARE DEFILE THE GLORIOUS BODY OF LUGNUTELLA?!”

He would swiftly retaliate, not out of anger but as a demonstration of loyalty to his commander. However, there’s a chance his Nutella-slicked surface might cause him to slip or make the attack more comical than terrifying. If he calmed down, he might actually feel a little flattered, muttering something like, "Even puny organics crave the might of Nutella-coated perfection."

Lockdrop:

Lockdrop would take the whole thing with a mix of bemusement and irritation. Being a bounty hunter who thrives on intimidation, he wouldn’t appreciate being treated like candy, even though he literally embodies it. He’d jerk back with a growl:

“What kinda glitch-brained stunt is this? You think I’m here to snack on?!”

Despite his initial irritation, he’d probably find a way to twist the situation into a menacing advantage. He’d lean down close, his gumdrop-studded armor gleaming, and sneer:

“Keep it up, and the last taste you get’ll be of fear.”

However, Lockdrop might secretly find the incident amusing later, recounting it in a sarcastic tone to whoever hired him.

Astrotaffy:

Astrotaffy’s reaction would be a bizarre combination of annoyance and disgust, tempered with an odd pride in his malleable taffy-themed body. If a human bit or licked him, he’d recoil dramatically, muttering:

“Ew, ew, EW! Do you know how hard it is to maintain this kind of stretchability?! Gross!”

As a train/space shuttle with a taffy motif, he might feel conflicted, recognizing the irony of looking so edible. After venting for a while, he might let out a resigned sigh and mutter:

“Fine, I do look delicious, but keep your sticky human mouth off me next time, got it?”

Despite his frustration, Astrotaffy might find the whole situation mildly entertaining later, recounting it with exaggerated annoyance.

Scourock:

Scourock would respond with a cold, cutting fury. Being a cunning and opportunistic figure, he’d immediately see the human’s action as either foolish or intentionally disrespectful. He’d rear back, his purple and indigo rock candy shards glittering ominously, and hiss:

“Did you really think you could take a piece of me?!”

Scourock would likely lash out with icy precision, aiming to intimidate or capture the human. However, there might be a sliver of dark amusement in his voice, especially if he saw an opportunity to exploit the situation. He might even say something sarcastic like:

“If you wanted a taste, all you had to do was ask.”

Despite his cold demeanour, he’d likely brood over the incident, disliking the implication of being seen as a treat rather than a terrifying presence.

Galvatimarisu:

Galvatiramisu, ever the refined and commanding figure, would respond with a combination of outrage and icy composure. At first, he’d stiffen, his glowing amber optics narrowing as he slowly turned his regal head to face the offending human. His voice would drip with scorn:

“Did you just… lick me?”

He’d then step back, brushing himself off as if to rid his glossy tiramisu-colored armor of the indignity. While he’d be internally seething, he’d maintain an aura of aristocratic disdain, saying something like:

“I am not some confection for your primitive indulgence. Consider yourself fortunate that I do not stoop to punish such vulgarity… yet.”

That said, he might take the opportunity to monologue about the superiority of tiramisu, implying that the human’s reaction only proves the irresistible allure of his form. Deep down, however, Galvatiramisu would likely feel both annoyed and slightly flattered by the recognition of his decadence.

[flaggersribs]

TW: kinda existentialist vent post?? Idfk. Just wrote it. Rambles. Family. Parents. Upbringing. Objectification??? Idk. Not anything super deep, I think. Kinda like a self reflect/shadow work I did unprompted just now

My parents do care about me. But I guess you could say they care about us in a health related way. They've always been obsessed with health foods, exercise, UV rays and all that, and I'm extremely grateful. But I do wish that they'd lessen off that and focus a bit more on emotional health, because I feel like that would've changed a lot. If they'd taken the things I'd said seriously, like my interests, things I genuinely wanted, my passions, for just hobbies that I could enjoy, instead of wanting some sort of "useful" or "healthy" outcome, maybe things would be different now. Of course they always supported my art studies, for example, but I'm saying more little things. Like, random thing they were really obsessed about, piercings. They believed that if you got them too young, like, before 20yo type young, you'd get cancer. There's literally no studies that say they're bad in the long run for you unless it gets infected and whatnot, but they're still all "I trust what a doctor told me thirty years ago" "I won't let you mutilate your body" "Don't trust everything you see on the internet" like??? (As if I wasn't one of the most secure, nerdy aware of online threats people out there) Anyway. If they'd cared more about my worries of physical appearance, how I appear to others, my online presence, etc, I don't think a lot of the bad years would've happened. I also don't think I'd be the same person I was today, which is another thing in grateful for. What I mean is, I wished they'd focus on my soul a little bit more. Not just my physical body and health. If they'd listen when I said I enjoyed things of my country's culture, where I've been all my life, grown up snf experienced, instead of having the narcissistic approach that their opinions reigned supreme. Idk where I'm going with this. I just feel if I had more room left to be open minded and enjoy things, I wouldn't have these irrational anxieties all the time. I wouldn't feel so much like I'm "wasting my time" if I wasn't told about all the things they'd done by my age, which they aren't even giving me the slightest opportunity to do since I went to a private school in this country, lived in the middle of the countryside, devoid of most contact from the world. Of course due to this lack of communication, especially during pandemic, I was gonna spend even more time online and away from my family. So I am extremely grateful for that since I have met some of the most amazing people ever through the internet. Just a few simple clicks away from changing my life. Anyway. Point is, I wish my parents had cared a bit more about me as a person, not as a body, or a vessel to achieve things, but more as one to simply stroll through life and experience things. I'm way too young to be this aware of all this, I'm realizing once again for the millionth time in my life. Usually the midlife crisis happens in your 30's, I think. I'm just hyper aware of my situation that if there really was any way for me to fix things, I would've done so already, because I've done every possible thing to help my situations and will keep doing so. I'm just stuck, and this kind of upbringing is one of the many reasons why.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Impositions

I need to take a break to vent about a thing. For once, not about work.

So my email pings while I'm working away. It's from my stepfather, saying, "Guy's coming in to Do Things to the fuse box on 27th November, probably all day (8am-5pm). The electricity will probably have to be off all that day. Even then, he might have to come in on the 28th if things aren't finished, but he'll try really hard to be done before you have to start work."

So ... a few things.

I did not find out that anything was being done to the electrics at all until yesterday afternoon, when he interrupted my work day to bring this guy into the house to look at the fuse box. He said that work would be done on it "at some point". I did not expect it to be this month.

I did not get asked if this was convenient for me. I did not get asked to choose dates. If I'd just been asked, I probably would have been fine with the 27th. The fact that I'm getting this dumped on my plate without even the remotest bit of input is just starting to get annoying now, because he keeps doing it. Every time he wants to do something in the flat, I get told, not asked. I get that this is going to make things better in the long run, but I should at least get some input.

The entire point of me moving into this mess of a flat was that they were supposed to finish the entirety of the other flat, then let me move into it while they worked on this one. So why are we doing major electric works when I'm trying to live in this place?

There was zero offer to help with logistics like, for instance, where the fuck I'm supposed to put all the stuff that's in my freezer. A couple of hours while he's rewiring shit is one thing, but all day? Do you have any idea how much food that's going to waste? I'm not going to finish it all in a little over two weeks!

So my entire restful Monday, which I need to actually recuperate enough for a week of work, is now shot. I can't sleep in, because there's going to be this person doing fucking electrical work - which is apparently going to involve removing and replacing two fuse boxes, so a lot of power tool noise. Nothing in the flat is going to work, so no food, no coffee, no internet, no TV, no video games, and given how dark it is by 4pm, at least an hour of no book. I don't know if my stepfather is going to be there, so either I can't vacate because I can't have a stranger wandering around the flat on his own, or I have to leave and let my stepfather deal with everything and also wander around the flat more or less on his own.

I feel like my space is being invaded with no opportunity to even have any input. The worst part is, I feel like I have to accept it because I don't really own this flat. It's my mother's flat on paper; she's just letting me live here. Not to mention that I should be happy he's getting any shit done at all, given he's spent two and a half years doing absolutely nothing on either flat. I'm assuming he had the electrician do work here this month because this guy's done work on the other flat and it makes sense to him to get both done at once. But I'm still fucking annoyed.

So currently gritting my teeth and wondering what the consequences would be of saying, "I'm grateful for everything you're doing with the flats, I really am. I would just really appreciate it if you could be more respectful of my time and at least ask for my input on things that are going to be that much of a barrier to anything I might have needed or wanted to do on any given day." Because this is bullshit.

And also upstairs is back to using the power tools. Thank the gods it's Friday and I'm not working next week.

...But I am working now, so I'd best get back to it. I don't feel better. I'm still fucking angry, and I just want to punch walls, thanks.

[fangedfaefreak]

The person I am talking about knows who he is, any followers are free to read but do know that this is not for you.

I have no idea why this scenario has suddenly become something I am immensely fixated on right this moment, but I feel like this is something I want to share with you, so…enjoy, sweet thing😘 @bow-for-me

You work from home, and I only work a few days a week. One day I have off and you get to work at the computer as usual. I bring you a cup of coffee in the mid afternoon for a pick-me-up and notice your annoyance. I can tell it’s not geared toward me, though, as you thank me for the coffee with a small smile and gesture for me to sit nearby. You mention a frustrating meeting that you had earlier that day. I let you vent and you mention you have a follow up meeting to address THAT meeting in just a few minutes. You notice a devious glint in my eye and raise a brow. “What is my little fae boy hiding from me?” You ask. You’ve learned to be wary of that look in my eye. I make my way toward you and get on my knees, trying not to ruin any sort of sexy moment I’m trying to build up with laughter, but sort of failing. I am definitely more giddy than I should be. I make a comment that I can help with any frustration you have, lightly running my hand along your inner thigh. You seem a little bit surprised, but not terribly so, checking your watch to see what time it was. “My meeting is in just a couple of minutes,” you mutter, not wanting to be late but also knowing we could not fit a quickie in a few minutes. I only smirk. “What, they won’t see me under the table.” I say. “It will be a fantastic exercise to help you practice your poker face.”

Now that you know MY intentions more fully, you are certainly not going to stop me, giving me room to crawl under the desk with a bit of a laugh. “You know, you will have to be quiet too, Vivi.” You remind me, letting me undo your belt and pants as you start pulling up the video meeting application. The meeting starts and I am already getting handsy, my lips and tongue wrapping around your thick cock and going up and down, slowly at first to gauge your ability to not react and to make sure I can be quiet enough to not alert the other meeting goers. Everyone gets into the meeting room, and greetings start getting tossed around. As you speak, you put a hand on the back of my head and shove it down, making me choke. However—you cleverly disguised the sound by your greeting them and asking how their days were, also giving me a moment to catch my breath. Your eyes flick down to meet mine, a thumb running along my bottom lip—which is dripping with saliva—and putting it into my mouth. You raise a brow at me, tilting your head in a silent command to suck. Which I do happily, of course.

You continue the meeting as usual, and my mouth once again wraps around your dick, the tip hitting the back of my throat rhythmically. I’m starting to speed up a little as I get used to having to go at this quietly—this is not normal for me! Normally I would be sloppy and loud and worshipping your cock like you are my god, and that is my only saving grace. I feel your hand grip at my hair, making sure the stray pieces are out of my face and also guiding me at the tempo you are wanting. I follow your every command like an obedient little whore.

Only for you. Only for you.

As the meeting drags on, you continue making comments on what they are saying and every time you speak you take this opportunity to either shove my face down to deep throat you, or to pull me off to give not only me a breather, but also help you control how quickly and intensely your orgasm comes, so that you will be able to hide it well enough from your bosses. Or perhaps, I start to wonder, you are prolonging it so that the meeting ends before you do.

😈😈😈😈😈

Challenge accepted.

Instead of giving you rest or reprieve when you pull me off of you, I start to go at you with my hand as well. I grip you tightly, going slowly but also hard enough to ride that line between painful and extremely pleasurable—which is I know what you like. You shoot a glare at me and when you see the smirk on my face, you know what my intentions are. I mouth a few words to you along the lines of being a pussy. Teasing, of course. You roll your eyes at me and get me to stop snickering by shoving your dick in my mouth again. This time, forcing me down to deep throat you multiple times, not doing anything to staunch the choking noises coming from me, or the strangled gasps I give when I pull off of you. I look up at you, wondering if you have perhaps gone crazy, but you are just watching the computer intently, not even looking at me, though I can see your faint satisfied smirk. You shove two fingers into my mouth this time, prying it open and not seeming to care that it was forcing me to drool on your work pants. You look me right in the eyes. “Good boy.” You say, in a completely nonchalant and normal tone, not even bothering to hide it. Your boss hears you. “What was that?” They ask. You look up. “Oh, sorry. I was talking to my pet. I thought my mic was muted. Continue.”

The meeting goes on and by now I realize we are playing a game and you are very intent on winning. You are not bothered by them probably knowing what was going on because of the plausible deniability, and your poker face was better than anyone’s I knew. You sweet, sexy bastard.

We continued this dangerous back and forth game, you growing closer and closer to a finish as the meeting was drawing to an end. Every so often I could hear your voice strain only slightly, which was music to my ears. I was desperate to finish the deed before the end of the meeting, to which I took your dick all the way down my throat, letting my throat squeeze down on you and feeling tears start to involuntarily fall down my cheeks as I desperately tried not to gag. Your grip on my hair became so tight I nearly thought you were going to rip it out. Before I could pull away to finish you off, you thrust your hips up into my mouth not once, but twice before you finally came with a small, but strangled grunt through gritted teeth.

A win for me, in my book!

I pulled off of you, trying to swallow not only the cum in my mouth but also the copious amounts of spit that was in and around my mouth from all of the activity. I was panting much louder than I meant to, and I heard your coworker ask if your dog was okay, which made me blush bright red, my pointed ears twitching awkwardly as I wiped the spit off my lips with the back of my hand. You merely laughed. “He’s quite alright.” You assure them, looking down at me between your legs, panting quietly. “Isn’t that right? What a good boy you are.” I try not to be too obvious in how good that makes me feel but I imagine you are able to read my expression like a book.

You look up at your screen and furrow your brow. “Hm. I think my camera must have frozen. Can you guys see me?” They all murmur that things look fine, but you insist. “I’m going to leave and rejoin the call with audio, because I think my video feed is glitching. Hold on.” You click your mouse and I assume this means you are planning on putting yourself away and letting me out from under the desk with this short time away from the call. You push your chair away to let me get out, and as I go toward the kitchen to wash up, you grab my wrist. “Did I say I was done with you, fae boy?” My eyes widen and I feel my cheeks flush at the Look in your eyes, and I feel my knees grow a bit weak as I return to you. You pat your leg, having put yourself away so that I have plenty of room on your lap. I sit down and you wrap an arm around my waist, pulling me back closer to your chest and using your legs to guide my legs open. You open the video meeting again, only on audio this time, though now I am very close to your mic and I have a feeling I know exactly what you are going to do to me. “Sorry everyone, had some hardware issues. My video still doesn’t seem to want to come up here, I hope audio only is okay.”

I know logically this was to keep you from getting in trouble with your superiors, but I also wondered if it was to help me feel more comfortable, due to my issues with cameras in the past. I feel a bit of warmth at that. Your coworkers all chime that it’s fine and that you didn’t miss much at all, really, and they continue the meeting as planned.

First, you run your dominant hand along one of my spread thighs, and I am almost regretting that I was wearing just some sweats. If it was tight jeans or something more restrictive perhaps you wouldn’t bother, but you had plenty of room to work. Which, I want to make it clear here that I am wanting this, I am just hella fucking nervous because I have met your coworkers. They know me. You show me off to them like I am a little treasure, and for all they know I am a sweet and innocent little house husband, but that couldn’t be further from the truth and they were probably about to find that out right now.

As your hand dips down my pants, I feel your lips against my ear, very quietly asking first if this was okay, which only made me even hornier. Consent 👌🏻 Hell yeah babey.

I nod, looking over my shoulder at you and seeing the dark and sexy look in your eye. If choking on your dick hadn’t gotten me wet as fuck, then that certainly would have done the trick.

Your fingers run along me slowly, teasingly, and I have to suppress a whine, which manifests in a violent shiver against your chest. You let out a short breath of satisfaction, not wanting to laugh at how I was already unraveling with barely a touch and get your bosses questioning things so early. You continue this agonizing torture for a solid couple minutes, keeping me from moving my hips with your other hand.

“Good boys stay still.” You whisper into my ear, grazing your sharp canine against the pointed tip of it, which made me shiver even more and give the slightest whine sound.

When your fingers finally pressed inside of me, I bit down hard on my lip to keep from moaning, my chest nearly heaving from the attempts to stay quiet while getting edged so torturously. You continued to slowly finger me, making comments and talking about the meeting as if it were just another Tuesday and you weren’t finger fucking your partner on your lap as you spoke. I feel myself growing nearer to a climax, and you can tell too, putting a hand over my mouth to keep me silent, your lips at my exposed neck, no doubt relishing in the feeling of my pulse against your mouth and against your fingers.

As I finished, I had to grip at the edge of your table to keep myself stable and not fall the fuck off of your lap, breathing heavily through my nose, the high of the orgasm and lack of air making me grow deliciously dizzy, falling back against your chest with my full weight as you slowly withdrew your fingers from my dripping cunt and moved your other hand away from my mouth. Before you even had to ask, my mouth was open to receive your fingers, and you pushed them into my mouth to let me clean up the mess I made on your hand. When you pull your fingers out of my mouth, you see blood, from when I had bitten down on my lip, which I honestly hadn’t even noticed due to other events going on.

Without even a pause, you lick your own fingers clean of the blood from my mouth, giving me a loving kiss on the cheek, which I know was a silent “Good boy.” I remained on your lap for the rest of the meeting, enjoying the feel of your arms around me as the ecstasy of the acts we’d just done began to die down.

I decided then that I would need to get your meeting schedule for the next week…😏

[sebsxphia]

Seb, I know I have said it a million times, but I'm going to say it a million more whether it's here or in private messages. Thank you for your posts. And I don't just mean your writing (although it always makes my day. Especially on my bad ones, curling up with my sloth stuffie and reading through for comfort) but for you. You take the time to say hello, to check in, to let everyone ramble, and let people talk. You let everyone be who they want, and you provide a safe place. I come to Tumblr to get away from everything, whether it's my personal life, politics, drama... I know your page is immediately the place I can go to so I can shut my brain off. On this app, this blog, I can just let myself enjoy any silly posts or jokes, see the soft thoughts or the thots.

I don't know if you know how much it means to me to just have you here. And I hope soon I'll be back to writing once my mental health is better (I am working with my therapist!) And I can maybe bring you some of that joy too. I try to make my page drama free and politically free, so people have the opportunity to be relaxed also. The only "drama" (although i dont see it as drama personally) I know I step in is defending other writers. Cause seb, you and so many others, if you get even a little hate, just send them my way. I'll go right up to bat for ya ❤️

Sorry, got a little off topic (apparently when showing my love for people that happens. Who knew?)

But still, even if you chose to stop writing and just wanted to be a chat blog, I would be here. You became such a great friend, honestly.

Thank you ❤️

gabbie 🥺🥺🥺

i’m sorry i took a while to reply to this. i had it in my inbox and i just kept re-reading it and tearing up and feeling all mushy 🥺

i’m at a complete loss for words and overwhelmed (in the best way!) with this sweet and thoughtful message. i hope you know this has truly made my entire week and i really needed to read this rn. goodness, i’m just so honored and happy to hear that my lil blog can provide that comfort and safe place for you. it’s music to my ears. 💗

i know i’ve said it before, but i’ve always wanted this lil blog to be a safe place and let people come ramble, talk or vent, and it makes my heart swell that it’s perceived like that.

i’m also so pleased to hear that you’re working with your therapist! i hope you’re taking it slow and taking care of yourself, because you deserve it my lovely angel! you are so sweet, kind and wonderful and i’m just so thrilled to call you my friend, and an incredibly wonderful friend at that! 🥹💗

do not apologise one bit, my love. spreading love and joy is a okay here! thank you so much for this message and thank you for just being the lovely and kind soul that you are, inside and out. i’m sending you so much love my angel, mwah mwah mwah! 💗💕💓🫶🏼

[youwontlikethisblog]

a vent about being a writer

I half expected last year, to have my book ready to publish by this year, you know, after finally accepting that it was something I was able to do.

The funny thing about commitment issues is that they don't just affect you when it comes to relationships or the lack of them. It's the paralyzing fear of saying you'll do something and failing at it and everything turning out wrong and horrible. I can't commit to anything in life. I've only ever committed to one thing in life and it's the one thing I don't regret at all, even then the pressure of failing is crushing.

I don't expect things to last a life time. I enjoy the ride while it's there and I'm fine whenever it ends. I'm crushed when things don't work out though. It reaffirms the believe that bad things always follow when you really want something to happen.

I want to publish my work because I worked hard on it and I want people to read it. I don't want to hear feedback or opinions about it. I don't want criticism or praise. I don't want it to be the best book published in modern history or it be the worst. I simply want to live in limbo. You know, a small cult following that never talks about it.

When I sent it to the first agent/editor a friend had recommended me to send to; they asked me what I wanted from the book and I told them the exact same thing. They told me they had read a bit from it and liked it, that for it to be my first manuscript and the first piece I wanted to publish, that it was impressive and that I knew the story and characters well and that it would be a hit with the the YA audiences because it spoke about topics that younger people should know about. My target is between YA and NA(New Adult). They were trying to sell me off on this book being the greatest thing, you know? To do public talks, readings, this whole thing and how it would be amazing...

To sell you the world...to buy the world, is very tempting, right?

I mean, think about it, what writer wouldn't jump on the opportunity to have an editor who has connections be their agent/editor and do it all with a family friendly discount while being your guide? That sounds like the promise land!

Yeah, talk about privilege!

Here I am, a person who dropped out of High School because my mental health was trash, I didn't get to go to college, I've basically taught myself all I know about writing and studied it on my own and my natural talent of writing is just an added bonus as to why I'm a writer. A writer who has no life plan, my closest friends are either married or moved to different cities/states to peruse their dreams and I stay at home, rotting away because I can't form connections, I can't work in a place without thinking of how filthy everything is and having a panic attack at the thought of talking to strangers, not understanding orders and feeling like an idiot, and most importantly, the fact that I'd have to commit to said work meaning I'd have to be there every day at a certain time, for a certain amount of time, maintain my cool and not have the option to leave whenever, show up whenever, and be committed to that is a little bit more than overwhelming; it's asphyxiating.

So you know whenever a person who's known you since you were a kid asks you "so what are you doing now Where do you work? What's your big life plan?" it's embarrassing to say that you're unemployed and are an aspiring artist, minus the fact you make no money out of that aspiration.

"I'm a writer." I say, with a smile, a palpitating chest, and a stomach tide in knots.

"Oh wow! That's so interesting, what kind of books do you write?"

"Oh you know..." I take a second to remember what I've written. "Books, about life, and such, I dabble in all kinds of genres."

"What books have you published?" They smile, excited to find a person who has done something new and exiting, outside of being a doctor, telling a person you're this artist who might have a promising future at being known by many, it's like telling them 'I'm a famous person in the making and you can say you knew me before the fame!'

"I haven't yet, but I'm working on it."

"What's the book about?"

and queue me forgetting everything I have ever written in the past decade, much less the manuscript my now fired and no longer talking to me, editor/agent, has in his possession, are erased out of my mind and I have no recollection of ever being a writer to begin with, "Uh...it's about a girl...who moves in with her best friend after running away from home because she was in the foster system for a year because her dad was a junkie, and then lived with her mom but her mom wasn't that great so she ran away and now she's living with her best friend and it's about that and the repercussions about a teen living the life of a young adult and how that affects her, plus she's in a band!" but instead of saying that it's more like me going off about a conspiracy theory. All the while my heart is in my throat and I fear them asking me more questions.

Usually the conversations ends with "Oh wow! That's very interesting, I could never write something like that. Let me know when you publish it so I can read it!" and then for the next couple of months they'll keep asking you if you're done and no! Linda! I haven't because I have this paralyzing fear that the book will be a success and people will want to know about me and the fear that I might think it'll be a success but it'll bomb because my dumb editor ghosted me! Which must mean that it's a horrible piece of literary work and it's so disgustingly boring and horrible they've decided to never ever speak to me to even let me know how bad it is!

And yeah, you are going to say that it happens. It takes longer to find an agent and editor than to actually publish the book, a lot of books get rejected, I should just do self-publishing.

Oh but to do that you must have a social media following, so people can expect your book and the word is out there. That way you launch isn't a complete flop.

How do I do that?

I suck at having conversations. I suck and selling. I suck at talking into a void called social media and writers on social media make it seem like you have to be the most engaging person ever and I wonder why can't it be like old times? Where I publish under a man's name and the man at the newspaper tells me that it won't have success but I tell him to pity me and that I'll pay him instead and if there's success he can start paying me...yeah...that's commitment too.

When you have commitment issues, you view the world as only commitment. You can't uncommit to things. Very few things are actually a gray area and I thrive in the gray.

I have a manuscript and I read it over and over again and each time I think it's mediocre, so horrible it would be an embarrassment to ever publish it but each time I'm done reading it; I believe it's the best literary work created in the modern age.

I know my character too well that if I wrote in a flowery, poetic, and grammatically correct way, it'd be a disservice and crime against the character and their story so I can't control that.

If I expose her I fear the hatred she'll receive. I created her when I was fifteen years old, I've watched her grow, evolve, change, and become who she is now... I don't want praise, I don't want opinions, criticism, negative or positive feedback, I simply want to release it into the wild and see what happens, but I also want it to have some sort of success and well it's a cycle...

I thought I'd publish my first book a year ago...I'm barely hanging onto a dream that I never wanted...life is an oxymoron and I can't seem to commit to the life path that if I publish that means I have to be a writer for the rest of my life...and If don't, I renounce the idea, the life, and the desire to be a writer and I get a "real" job where I have to deal with people...sometimes I really hate 18 year old me for not doing it but funnily enough, that's also where my commitment issues come to play.

[parksprout]

Sprout Journal 11/28/24

Wow, what an emotionally trying couple of days. This has been a weird couple of days for me, so this post will probably be pretty heavily skewed in the venting direction after I run down what my day was like yesterday! Also oh my gosh I hope I'm more consistent about these soon, I'm STRUGGLING with using my time wisely since I got my computer. I haven't had a chance to just fuck around and do dumb stuff for a while, so I've been basking in the opportunity to play video games and watch stuff :3 yesterday I didn't have work or school for obvious reasons, it was thanksgiving!

I gotta clarify that I feel nothing but moral reprehension towards the typical concept of thanksgiving, but I do believe that even though the actual holiday is kinda wack that we should have an autumn harvest holiday regardless so... I try to think of it less as the pilgrims hell yea holiday and more like a medieval peasant celebrating another good harvest aksjdhfaksjdf chat does that even make sense?

Anyways! Since I already had my "thanksgiving" proper celebration with my family, yesterday I was invited over to my friend Jordan's house for thanksgiving instead! It's nice that I have a couple of friends I'm close enough with that they invite me to family events, it makes me feel a lot less lonely than I might otherwise. Honestly I wish that it was easier for me to spend time with my friends lately! I really need their support during this time, but everyone (including me) is always too busy. ANYWAYS that's not the point!! It was just very very very good to see my friend. Our dinner was simple and our hangout was super casual as well :3 we had turkey, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes, rolls, and some pumpkin cheese cake afterwards!!! I'm glad that eating shitty is outta the way now ough I gotta get back in the gym tomorrow after work and burn off all this high calorie food I've had lately. I'm proud of the self control I have now though, I used to not really care about portion sizes but I've discovered that I can eat much less and still be plenty full at the end of the night. I didn't even realize I was overeating for a long time. ANYWAYS THATS NOT THE POINT!! The food was all very good. Here we go, another tierlist

The pumpkin pie is in the place of the pumpkin cheesecake!

Anyways besides dinner it was a really chill evening. It was a little boring honestly, but it was nice to get out of the house and talk about random stuff! Our conversations were kinda simple. We talked a lot about family history and I helped my friend better understand what his ancestry means. We talked a lot about history and immigration during that conversation.

Another thing was that The Bnuuy, my former partner and the person I'm actively trying to convince that we should date again, asked me to make sure I said hi to him. It's always a lil heartbreaking saying hi to my friends for them, but I still love doing it. I'm really happy that... even despite the fact that we aren't still dating, they still wanna say hi to my friends and family. Obviously everyone knows that I'm still talking to the Bnuuy - they all know that we're not together and that I'm actively trying to show them that I would be worth a second chance, but regardless of how much they know I'm always afraid that... they'll think I'm being foolhardy for not just giving up and moving on. Anyways, the bnuuy asked me to say hi to Jordan so I did. I was kinda expecting a bad reaction from Jordan asdfasdf he can be a bit like an older brother at times, brutal honesty and all. But... instead he was actually incredibly sweet about this. He said hi back to them and also said some really bitter sweet stuff ugh. He told me that... he knows I might be getting hurt right now in this situation, which I am, but that he also thinks that I'm doing what's right for me. He can tell that I'm very much in love with this person in a genuine way, that I want to give them the best and that I'm allowing the desire to fix things with them to motivate me to become the best version of myself he's seen. He also told me that the idea of me ending up with my partner again makes him somewhat sad because he knows I'd move away, but I reminded him that I was planning to leave eventually no matter what and that it'd just be a new chapter in life not an ending to old ones. I really appreciate my friends lately.. they've all been so supportive of me. A lot of my friends were here for my last breakup too, and all of them have said that... this one is nothing like the last one. This time they can all tell I'm actually in love and wanting to try, whereas last time I wasn't in love I just... didn't want to be alone. I think I'm okay being alone for now partner wise, I just... know what I want in the end.

Not tonight but probably tomorrow I think I'm going to write a big post about what all is on my mind regarding the bnuuy lately. We had a really big talk that... didn't end how I wanted but ended pretty positively? I kinda got rejected but... they also more solidly said that we've got a chance than they have at any other point. We're straight up in the "we'll see" phase which... feels better than the "I have no idea what's going on" phase we were just in for the past month. Now I know what's going on, I know that they think I'd be a good partner they just... have some pretty solid reasons for not wanting to try right now. I hope that they'll wanna try again sooner than later, but I'm okay waiting for them still. I'll tell y'all more about it properly tomorrow I think <33 I love you Tumbie, thanks for listening as always! Have a good night! Bye!!!!! <3<3

[therelentless]

Hi again Nandor,

I saw the letter in your back pocket before you left yesterday evening. I guess I never really specified that I live with you all- it was probably obvious, but just in case, the calls are coming from inside the house! (That’s from a movie. :) ) (<— And that’s a smiley face.)

I’m aware that admitting to that limits the amount of people that this could be, but until you figure it out (which I’m sure you inevitably will) it feels more comfortable to write under the guise of anonymity, mostly because I know that these feelings aren’t going to be reciprocated. But I don’t know you! you’re saying, How can I presume to know. I don’t know a lot of things, I haven’t had the opportunity to to live a life as vast and broad as your own, but I do know I’m not your type.

I don’t write these to torture you, I’ll even stop if you want me to, but I hope on some level it feels nice to know someone thinks you’re drop-dead gorgeous (pun sort of intended) and such a romantic. I don’t know how many of the others can see that, but when I look at you I see a man who would throw his entire life down for someone else, defend a kingdom, the kind of love men wrote epic poetry about. But kings never wrote those poems for paupers.

Since this may very well be my last letter, since I never want to hurt you, let me say again and ultimately; I feel as if I shall always be in love with you. I wish I could be a person you’d feel the same way about, someone as brave as you, as dedicated as you. And god, do you make me laugh. Have I said enough that I think you’re handsome as well? I’d let you have everything and all of me because I know you’d handle it delicately. You’re the kind of man a man like me doesn’t mind being obsessed over, because it may be the closest I ever get, even if it’s only in my late night imagination.

I’m sure you’ll find a way to let me know if you want me to stop or continue. I hope knowing how loved you are inspires you. You deserve it, you deserve to be someone’s king- I’ll be content to watch you with the paupers.

دوستت دارم لطفا دوستم داشته باش

Y.S.A.

{ ??? ;;

"The call is coming from inside the house?" Confused, his attention went from the letter to the phone and then back to the letter he was still holding in his hands. "What call?" He asked himself, but that didn't matter as much as the rest of the contents of the letter.

So the one who wrote these letters was a man who lived in the house. Well, he was sure that this wasn't Laszo, especially because he couldn't imagine him writing such a long letter to him. Part of him wanted to keep guessing and discard the possibilities of who this man was, but the other liked a bit too much the mystery of all this to bother himself with a final answer just yet. The secret admirer, the anonymous letters, wondering and getting excited upon the thought of getting a new letter? this seemed like of one those romantic movies that he liked to watch, so instead of keeping this letter to himself as he had done with the first one, he decided to write one himself.

Mr. Y.S.A.

I wish I had replied to your letter the moment I found it, but if you're here in this house... somewhere, maybe inside the walls or the vents, then you know how my housemates can be a little bit annoying, rarely leaving me alone to deal with my own thoughts... which at times I'm thankful for. Anyway!!! I have decided that if you're going to keep writing letters, then I'm gonna write some of my own. It's fun. Exciting too. : ) That's another happy face to match yours.

I can't really say much about you, since I am still not sure who are, but maybe I have my suspicions. Eventually, I'll do some more digging at some point. I do have a question, are you alive? or are you one of those spirits that my housemate Nadja likes to summon for some random shit? I don't know if I'm down for ghost stuff, but it's not off my list entirely. I'll give it a try if that's the case.

I must admit, that I was not expecting a second letter, but now that I have received it, hopefully, you're reading this, then I expect a third one. It's only fair. Yes, it's nice to know that someone out there at least has some sort of feelings for me since lately, I have considered myself quite unloveable, but even if this wasn't about love, it feels good to know that at least you find me "drop-dead gorgeous", it's nice to hear it from someone else besides myself (<- that was a joke). I'm sure you have some quite delicious and attractive attributes of your own.

Thanks for sharing these thoughts with me, between you and I? they make me happy... and not a lot of things have been making me happy lately. But don't tell this to anyone. I only wish these things that you think of me are not things that you end up changing your mind about later. It seems that I tend to disappoint people quite easily. I'm either too much or not enough. It's tiring.

Whatever. I'm talking too much. I don't know what I'm telling you ll these things. Forget I said that last bit.

Where you found this letter, I'll leave the next one. Oh! or even better! maybe we could choose a secret spot. That sounds more... romantic? yes, exactly that!.

عمر که بی عشق رفت هیچ حسابش مگیر

Sincerely, Nandor The Relentless (<-that's me.) A.K.A, your king (<- that was my second joke. I'm a funny guy as you can see).

[superfluouskeys]

need to vent a lil bit

so this fall term is going to be really busy for me, I know this I have planned for this.  I have to do like an “experiential learning” thing that will amount to approx 25 hours of work per week and tends to be a whole thing.  BUT, a few weeks back my fave professor asked me if I was interested in interning for a judge which is like a really good thing to do and to have on your resume, and since I had her pushing for me specifically I had a much better chance of getting it bc she’s very well-known and well-respected.

so I had this whole crisis ALREADY of like oh no this would be a LOT this would perhaps be TOO MUCH am I sure I can handle this I do not want to accidentally overextend myself and FAIL MISERABLY at everything.  but I thought about it and I was like you know what.  this is fine.  it will be a lot but it will only be a lot for like 3 months, and it’s too good of an opportunity to pass up.  and I might not even GET the internship so.

but anyway I asked my experiential learning director professor if it was okay to apply, she said that’s fine good luck, the application process moved REALLY fast so as I was having 3 separate mental breakdowns it was literally like Wednesday evening fave prof told me to prepare my documents, Thursday morning I submitted, Friday morning I got an interview, 2 hours later I got the offer – and I was insanely excited like this is honestly a pretty big deal, I am both personally excited to do the work and excited in the sense that it will look amazing on my resume!

so I had to submit an application to get class credit for the internship, it was a whole thing but I assumed it would be fine since I had everything settled, it’s GETTING A LITTLE LATE since school starts in a week and a half so I was starting to feel like uhmmmmmmmmm hello.  I need to do admin things pls approve my thing.  but today I finally get an email and it’s like soooooooooo have you talked to your experiential learning prof about this?  have you talked to the judge about this?  we need to have a conversation about the time commitment here.

so I sent an email back like yes I’ve already done all that do you want me to send the email where the prof said it’s fine? and I have gotten NO RESPONSE and in the meantime I have become insane all over again LOL like you know how sometimes someone gently suggests to you like “hmmm that’s pretty hard what you’re trying to do are you sure you’re up to the task” and you’re like uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I was sURE BEFORE BUT NOW IM PANICKING AGAIN LOL

like I’ve literally been mentally preparing myself for this for months at this point, I knew it was going to be a busy term before I even got the internship and had to kind of re-evaluate/rearrange things to accommodate internship bc again, it’s an opportunity I cannot pass up, but UGH you know I’m just like having the crisis all over again sdjfnjkjnfkjfnf

I had some pretty serious depression/anxiety issues when I was in undergrad and just ZERO tools to deal with them, and so there were times when I really struggled to keep up with everything and completely failed to keep up with certain things, and like………..for the most part I have accepted that I was doing the best I could, that I am a completely different person now and generally do a VERY good job of managing everything, that like I had a pretty bad mental health incident(tm) my first year of law school and have had a few other minor hiccups and handled them all very well and didn’t have any serious problems with school or anything so like IF something were to go wrong like I do think I have the tools and fortitude to deal with it and not let anything vital slip.

but idk I’m just annoyed that I already went thru this whole thing multiple times and now I have the bad brain again LOL like pls just approve my application and let me worry about my terrible choices okay sorry just needed to get this off my chest as you were