#for the record. I'm okay. it's just that jesus fucking christ

[mcmissileproof]

jesus fucking christ the past two months have been insane. if the Things Happening would slow down just slightly that might be cool

[dragonofeternal]

sorry to ask this (no judgement) but are you into plantcest? you reblogged a post that op tagged as that but you didn't tag it as that so i was just wondering since it came up on my blacklist, i hope you're having a good day!

I'm neutral to positive on it?

I enjoy it, but it's not my "OHHH MAN GOTTA SEE IT" ship to seek out. I might write some eventually? IDK I think that whether you read a romantic/sexual element into it or not, though, Knives has a really fucked up view of Vash (and particularly Vash's bodily autonomy) that lends itself a dynamic that can quickly slip into uncomfy territory. Usually I'm better about tagging ship stuff (esp things I know other people filter for) but I'll be honest and say my brain was a lil fried last night so it slipped my mind.

As a general rule for any folks new to the dragonofeternal space, I'm solidly ship and let ship. I enjoy fucked up ships and nasty gore weirdness with the same breath that I enjoy wholly unshippy and unsexual gen content. I am a creature of many pleasures, lol.

I'm big in people taking active agency in curating their online experience, so if the stuff I like or reblog makes folks uncomfortable, please feel free to unfollow/mute/what have you at any time. I know I have things that are dealbreakers for me bc of squick or even just general dislike/annoyance lol, so please don't worry that I will be offended that you aren't into XYZ or unfollow me.

All that said lemme go add the plantcest tag to that one pic because I uhhh definitely missed that the blades were dripping when I first reblogged it lol

[musical-chick-13]

Somebody tell me. That I can’t quit. And that I have an obligation. And that I made a promise. To do this. And that I can’t just. Not do it because I’m scared. Of public singing. Please tell me. I have to do it. Please.

[ivymarquis]

Not me vividly hallucinating about a certain scot eating me out until I cry

What you wish for

Pairing| John “Soap The Munch (tm)” MacTavish x F!Reader Rating| E Word Count| ~500 Kinks/Content/Warnings| Cunnilingus, squirting, mentions of safe word, Johnny is A Munch(tm), the author is an American still trying to dial in a Scottish accent

Date a munch, they said.

It would be fun, they said.

And it is, for the most part- you can admit that with no hardship.

It’s just that occasionally (like now), it becomes obvious that Johnny is eating you out for his pleasure and your own is just a happy by-product.

“Shit, ah! Johnny! I’m gonna- hgn- Johnny I’m gonna cum,” you pant in warning as the Scot buried between your thighs goes to town on you like a man starved.

Every time this man drops to his knees in front of you, it is a guarantee you’re going to see stars.

This time he’s got you pinned on your back on the bed. You seem to be wiggling too much for his taste as he’s banded one forearm across your waist and the other hand grips one thigh to keep your legs spread for him.

No matter how much you cry and moan and buck and cant your hips, he just leans his weight on you to keep you still.

He alternates between broad swipes with the flat of his tongue or more pointedly circling your clit or lapping at the inside of you.

While he’s yet to disappoint, he really seems into it (re: you) today. Like teetering on has-something-to-prove into it.

With that sort of dedication and attention, it’s no wonder he’s got you squirting and squealing in record time as he slips two fingers inside and abuses that spot that has you seeing stars.

Johnny works you through your high, lapping up every drop of it like it’s his last meal. Your legs twitch weakly in his hold as he continues on.

You think that maybe he’s working himself down, that he’ll leave you be in a minute.

He doesn’t.

Less attention is paid directly to your clit, but he’s still honed in between your legs even as you squirm. “Johnny,” his voice is a whine in your throat. “Johnny I came- I already came,” like there was any possibility that he is unaware of that- given how you squirted all over his face.

He pulls off momentarily, eying you with a skeptical look. “The fuck’s that got to do with me, bonnie? Cum or don’t, I'm finished when I'm finished.”

Your brain needs a system reboot at that- you stare at the ceiling dumbly as he gets back to business.

He’s trying to kill you- there’s no other explanation for it.

(Distantly you remember how your ex never went down you- still expected head on a routine basis, of course!- and you swore that the next guy you dated would have to be okay with reciprocation. You certainly got your wish in spades, hadn’t you? Almost like the universe was apologizing in the most mind-melting way possible)

It’s all you can do to lay there and breathe. If it actually gets to be too much- well, that’s what safewords are for. But Jesus fucking Christ the man doesn’t do anything in halves.

It’s only after he’s wrenched your second orgasm from you that he lets up, crawling up the bed to collapse to the side of you.

“Soon as my legs quit twitching, I’m returning the favor,” it takes you a couple tries to stammer out the words. Johnny looks every bit like the cat that caught the canary.

“Oh I’m no done with that sweet cunt o’ yours- ye just looked like ye were gonna pass oot. We’ll give ye a break an then back tae it, hm?”

[whumpdoyoumean]

Whumptober #8

xxx forced to stay awake

"Do not let him sleep!" Louisa's voice, sounding strange and distant. It reminds River of the vinyl records he used to listen to with the OB as a kid, the really old ones that made his granddad get that wistful look on his face that disappeared again as soon as he caught River looking at him. Things were so much simpler back then. If he closes his eyes, he can almost pretend he's back there...

"Cartwright!" Lamb snaps, shaking him a little. "Do you want to be fired from the Service for good?"

In this moment, that actually doesn't sound like too much of a bad thing if River is being honest. He doesn't say so.

"That wasn't rhetorical." Lamb's voice is loud, sharp. "We both know how your last job interview went. No one that's any good'll take you, which means you'll be stuck behind a desk at some basic mid-level office job. Or maybe a private firm'll take you on, like your old pal Webb! Imagine working for those arseholes. Is that what you want?"

"No," River mutters.

"No? Then keep your fucking eyes open!"

River forces himself to comply. There's not much to look at, really: the back of the passenger seat; the blood on his hand; Jackson Lamb's knees; the back of Louisa's head and, when he lifts his gaze a little, a glimpse of her worried face in the rear-view. The inside of his eyelids offered a better view.

The car hits a bump, jolting him and ripping a cry from his throat as pain tears through his side and chest where the bullets had struck. His vision goes dark for a second, and then he's pulled back to awareness by the sound of Lamb's raised voice.

"Jesus Christ," he's saying. "Who taught you how to drive?"

"I'm sorry!" Louisa, voice pinched. "River, come on!"

River groans, and prying his eyelids apart is harder this time. Breathing is hard, too. Everything is hard.

"River, talk to me! You okay?" Louisa cries.

"Yup," River gasps. Another groan. "Hurts."

"I'll bet it does," Lamb says. "Maybe next time you'll think twice before running off on your own like a fucking dickhead, eh? Course, I thought the same thing the last two times you did it. It's like you never learn, no matter how many times I tell you to stop doing stupid shit."

"You can..." River really shouldn't be wasting his breath on this, but he can't help it. "You can lead a horse to water."

Lamb makes a noise that could be a snort of laughter or, more likely, he's hacking up something disgusting.

"I don't know that I could lead you fuck-ups to water if we were on a-a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific."

River tries to draw in another breath to respond, but his chest hitches and he lets out a wet cough. His mouth fills with the taste of iron and he almost gags, but coughs again instead, blood flecking his lips, and he just keeps coughing. Panic is creeping in, black dancing at the edges of his vision. He can't get enough air...

"Keep breathing," Lamb commands, his words filtering through the ringing in River's ears. The pressure he's been holding on the hole in River's chest increases as he tightens his grip.

He doesn't know how long it takes, it feels like a lifetime, but the coughing fit finally subsides. His chest is burning, head pounding. He can't catch his breath. And, more than anything else, he's so, so tired. It's a deep, heavy exhaustion. He just wants to sleep.

"Cartwright! You open your fucking eyes, now."

Fucking Lamb. Louisa is speaking too, but River can't discern the words. She's too far away. He suspects she wants him to stay awake too, though, damn her. Damn both of them.

"Now!" Lamb repeats, tapping River's face. "You hear me, Cartwright? That's an order. I know you're shit at following those, but you had better follow this one. Come on. Eyes open. If you won't do it for me, do it for Guy. You saw what happened after Min. What do you think'll happen if you die in her backseat?"

That sparks something, the faintest bit of anger, and River's eyes open a little. He doesn't know how he manages it.

He doesn't know if he'll manage it again.

xxx

[stone-stars]

Transcript:

[Eldermourne Theme fades out] Murph: WEL-come back to Eldermourne, everybody! Emily, Jake, and Caldwell: Eldermourne! Murph: I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Hurwitz! Jake: The relationship with my son has gone south because I foot-- I put both feet in my mouth. [Emily cackles. Caldwell joins her.] Murph: And ya did it again! Jake: Henry Hogfish! Emily: Okay, this is, we need to tell them behind the scenes! Jake: No. Emily: We literally-- full disclosure, we-- Jake: No. No. No, don't tell them. Emily: We recorded the intros-- we recorded the intros-- Jake: It's an embarrassing story for me and Caldwell. [Caldwell laughs.] Emily: And-- Murph, edit out Jake protesting. Murph, immediately: Okay. [Emily laughs.] He's been silenced. He's been silenced. Caldwell: I am absolved. This rules. Emily: We were-- (laughing) We were recording the intro, and Caldwell realized that he hadn't been recording, so we had to re-record it. But in the original recording, Jake fucked up his rhyme, and he said "oh, good, now I can get my rhyme right." [Everyone laughs.] Caldwell: Nobody's mad at me anymore! It's so good! Murph: Maybe I'll splice in the recording of Jake fucking up the first time. [Emily and Caldwell giggle.] Jake: Wow, that's perfect. Murph: So let's go ahead-- we're gonna go ahead and cut to Jake's first intro. Jake: Okay. Murph: Let's roll that. [Emily cackles. The Eldermourne Theme fades in.] Jake: Uh-- oh fuck, uh-- Relationship with my son has gone south, because I put both feet in my mouth-- I forgot it for a second. [Theme fades out.] Jake: Yeah, good on ya, Caldwell. [The others laugh.] This is not fair! Caldwell's huge fuck up was just shining a light on mine! That's not right! Murph: That's true. That's true. Caldwell: Jake texted me and said "hey, turn off your recording so that I get another shot at it, and I obliged him. Murph: This is your dad forgetting to pick you up, and then you get mugged. This is Caldwell's mistake, and then you are really really suffering for it. [The others laughing.] Um-- Then, of course, we've got Emily Axford! Emily: Living the dream and looking like Liam! Fia Boginya! Murph: Emily, it's even better the second time, hearin' it. Jake: That's fucked up. Caldwell: Crisp, perfect. Emily: Thank you, I didn't mess it up the first time, it's so good. Actually, why don't you go ahead and use whichever one I am better at, okay? Murph: Okay. Two for two. Two for two. Jake: Jesus christ. Caldwell: Can I say my livin' la vida Liam joke again? Cause I thought that was fun. From the first one? Murph: Sure. Um, y'know, as memorable as it was, I completely forgot it. [The others laugh.] Um, and of course, Caldwell Tanner! Caldwell: Oh, Stella Vervain's special little guy who's getting swept up-- Jake: Don't fuck it up! Don't fuck it up! Don't fuck it up! Caldwell: --in her sweet little lies, Zirk Vervain. Emily: Oh my goodness. [Everyone laughs.] Caldwell: Yee-haw! Flawless dismount! All the judges love it. Jake: Swing, batta batta batta batta! Murph: Wow, two 2/2s and one 0/2. It's-- You'd think there'd be some deviation there, but… wow. Jake: Caldwell didn't really get a 2/2. He didn't record. Caldwell: Jake, you could just turn off your Zoom right now, and then we'd have to start recording again. Jake: I need another shot. Murph: This intro's way better than the other one, guys, I'm just saying! This is good. Maybe we should fuck up the show every time. Emily: I honestly was barely paying attention, and then when Jake messed up again, I… could not stop laughing. Murph, laughing: Why were you barely paying attention?? [Everyone laughs.] Emily: I was looking at my spells! Murph: Okay, alright, alright. Caldwell: She's got a lot of spells! Murph: She's got a lot of spells. Emily: I have to remember what I can do. Murph: Alright guys, let's go ahead and get into the recap.

[sillysillygoofygoose]

Toji and His Plus-Size Baby

Headcanons!! (NSFW MDNI, mentions of body image issues 💕)

... For my babes with a lil xtra meat on 'em... me too, sweetheart, you fine as hell! 😘🤭)

During his "young and dumb days," Toji almost always dated and slept around with size 0 girls. He never really considered being with a bigger girl, only sweet talking the girls that moved in packs during 'ladies' night' at the bar he would frequent.

Toji just assumed they were what he preferred... why not? They're beautiful and young, but it doesn't really matter their build, as long as he's getting his dick sucked at the end of the night.

He didn't realize how much he loved bigger women until he met you. After spending his younger years fucking and flirting with teensy-tiny girls, he met you.

You're young, beautiful, and smoking fucking hot. Just his type.

Toji doesn't mind the size of your body at all. He doesn't even think twice. He knows you're the most gorgeous girl he's ever seen, and as far as he's concerned, your body only adds to that.

He was so confused the first time he saw you visibly insecure about the way your body looked.

"Doll, you've been gettin' ready for over an hour... just pick any dress, it'll look fine. I'm surprised they haven't given our reservations away." Toji sassed as he cracks open your bedroom door slightly, nosey to see what you're even up to, bending down to peek his head in.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, sweets..." The sight that meets Toji causes him to be slightly taken aback and mildly concerned. Dresses, pants, and shirts alike have been carelessly tossed about, the clutter tarnishing the previously spotless room. In the middle of the mess, the eye of the storm, there you sit on your knees, hand covering your pouty mouth.

"What happened, bub?" Toji sits down next to you, immediately moving to pull you onto his lap.

His muscles tense, heart panging as he feels you push him away, tears cascading down your round cheeks.

"Nothin' -hiccup - nothing looks good on me." You mutter out oh so quietly, embarrassed that a man as stoic and built as Toji is seeing you in one of your most personal fits.

Sharply inhaling, you quickly stand up, aggressively wiping your tears, stalking around your messied room almost maniacally. The anger of not feeling beautiful over takes your body, blood boiling inside your pulsing veins. You pick up and put down shirts, tugging them from their place, before angrily folding them.

"This makes me look fat... this dress gives me the figure of a fucking refrigerator. Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me, none of this shit looks good. Fucking hate it. Hate my body so fucking much." You huff and puff, fist clenching at your sides. You rush around your room, picking articles of clothing up, briefly displaying them to your beefy boyfriend, before throwing them right back on the ground. Speaking through gritted teeth, you're unsure if you're rambling to Toji or yourself.

"Hey, hey, pretty. Calm down okay, let's just take a deep breath." Toji's thick worker hands grab at your shoulders, forcing you to stop your anxious outburst. He rubs up and down your broader shoulders as you feel a nip of embarrassment, and disgust reach your system. Staring at your feet in shame, you let yourself regulate, closing your eyes as you grab onto the soft fabric of Toji's shirt.

"For the record, that dress is beautiful on you. It brings out your curves."

This man and your thighs. Unbreakable bond, let me tell you. His hands are always on the thickest part of your upper thigh. He loves the way his fingers leave small indents in the soft flesh. While you two are laying in bed, he always props one of your legs over his hip, pulling you as close as possible to him .

The extra bit of chub on your hips is something he could eat for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. Toji loves doggy and missionary for this exact reason. He loves pulling on your hips, engulfing as much of your side in his hands as humanly possible.

Cuddling. Cuddling. Cuddling. Holy shit, he can't get enough. He thinks you were made for snuggling and being held at night. He loves to squish the fat on your thighs, hips and tummy, praising you when you whine for him to stop.

"C'mere pretty, get on top of me." Toji grabs for you body, rolling his eyes when you put up a fight.

"I'm gonna flatten you." You giggle out, settling on resting your head on his chest.

"Tch, yeah, right... You sayin' I'm not strong? Think I can't handle my girl?"

You sigh moving half of your body to rest on his. Toji's hand immediately flies to the dough of your ass, rubbing circles into the skin.

"Mmm, much better. Fuckin' perfect, sweets."

As much as he loves all of your body, his favorite part is the little pudgy part of your lower stomach. Whenever he's hugging you from behind, his hand's designated spot is your tummy. Thinks you're cutest when you're wearing a little cropped shirt and your tummy is just peaking out... my goodness 🥰

Is a little suspicious when you ask him to take you to the gym with him, but happily obliges. It's so much fun when you take an interest in his likings, but...

"This isn't because of that damn Victoria's Secret Angels comeback, right?" Toji glances at you through his peripheral vision as one of his hands commands the steering wheel, the other resting on your yoga-pant clad thigh.

"Huh?" You snort out, tilting your head in confusion.

"I like ya' goin' to the gym with me, just hope you know what a pretty girl you are. My pretty girl."

This man makes sure you're eating your meals. The two of you have a date night where you stay in and cook a recipe you picked together.

Toji often fantasizes about how your soft body would only get softer while pregnant. Your plump tits swelling up, your belly rounding. So beautiful.

He loves your body, whether you gain or lose weight, because he loves you. Plain and simple.

Hope you enjoyed! Xoxo

[ikn0wtheend]

thoroughfare - modern!ellie x reader

summary: you knew ellie once and a road trip back home together complicates things more than it should. 

pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader

word count: ~4.5k

c/w: angst, fluff, mutual pining, language, implied sex, hopeful ending? loser lesbians as always.

a/n: um I do not know where this came from seeing as this is quite the diversion from ‘the record’ but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I was just listening to ethel cain’s ‘thoroughfare’ (as a girlie does) and I blacked out and apparently wrote 4k words of whatever this is. spoiler alert: they don’t even make it back home, they drive for like 5 hours. as always let me know what you think and if you’d like me to make this a series (I'm currently on the fence about it). <3

main masterlist & thoroughfare [2]

It was hot. The kind of hot that doesn’t give you a reprieve no matter how many layers you take off or how hard you fan yourself with your hand. It was sticky and miserable. You want to claw at your skin. 

Sitting on the sidewalk you waited for Dina to arrive, you hadn’t really gotten the full details from her. All she had said was “meet outside your apartment” giving you a specific day at a specific time. But you couldn’t complain, you were the one that had called her in distress, forgetting about timezones when she answered the phone half-awake.

Someone eclipses the sun from their spot next to you. You turn with your hand above your brow to get a better look at them and when you do your face automatically scrunches up. 

“Why the fuck are you here?”

“Why the fuck are you sitting on the sidewalk?” 

You stand up, brushing your pants off. “Oh fuck you, Ellie.” 

“No fuck you.” She retorts.

You were going to punch her. Right here. Right on this very sidewalk. You were going to draw your fist back and punch the freckles on her left cheek off of her face. You clench your fists. “I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you.” 

“You started it.” 

“You’re really gonna play the blame game?”

“Who the fuck calls it a ‘blame game’?”

“Literally everybody you fuckwad.”

“So we’re calling each other names now?” She places both hands on her hips. “You’re such an asshole.”

“I see you’ve lost your touch.” You mirrored her stance. “Asshole isn’t very creative.”

“Neither is fuckwad, you fuckwad.”

You throw your hands up. “Jesus Christ, you’re impossible.”

“No you’re imposs-”

Your phone rang interrupting Ellie from finishing, what you were sure was a very clever rebuttal, Dina’s name flashing on the screen. You quickly turn your back to Ellie and answer.

“Hey-”

Dina cuts you off. “Has she shown up yet?”

“Who?” 

“Ellie.” 

You sucked in a breath and pinch between your eyes. “Dina, please don’t tell me my ride across the country is Ellie.” You chanced a look at the girl in question, painfully aware of the way she raised her eyebrows to remind you she could still hear you. 

“Um yeah? You said you need a ride and that it was urgent and Ellie was closest.” Dina stated simply. As though she didn’t know that this was bound to create a mess, one you might not recover from. 

“Okay maybe I exaggerated when I said ‘urgent’, I would’ve happily of waited for you or Jesse.” The words rush out of you, eager to get her to understand and to undo this mess. 

“You were literally in tears when you called and like I said Ellie was closest. You’ll be fine.” She said flippantly. As though she wasn’t a first-hand witness to the shit-storm that had happened two years ago. 

“I don’t think we share the same definition of ‘fine’, Dina.” Her name comes out with a bite. 

You hear a long sigh. “Look just trust me on this. And hey maybe this will be good for the both of you, you’ll finally be able to talk about it.” 

“Did it even occur to you that I left because I didn’t want to talk about it?” 

“Fair point.” She concedes. “But listen I can’t come get you until next week, and that's being generous, so just suck it up and come home. I miss you.”

Fuck, you thought. You couldn’t stay here, not for another week, and hearing Dina say she missed you made you press the heel of you palm into your chest to try and calm the ache. It wasn’t the first time she had told you she missed you since you left, you heard it everytime you called. Sometimes when the time stretched thin between the two of you she would send you a text reminding you she was thinking of you. That she hadn’t forgotten. 

“Okay.” 

“Yeah?” You can hear the concern in her voice now. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” You clear your throat. “I miss you too.” You really did.

She throws out a number of goodbyes and ‘I love you’s’, words you return, before she hangs up. You take a deep breath before turning to look at Ellie again who was standing there with your bags in her arms. She looked silly, you thought. Adorable. You scowl.

“I can carry my own things you know?” 

“Just get your arse across the road and into the car.”

“Sir yes sir.” 

You think you hear a huff of laughter escape her, you think the heat is making you imagine things.

You’re avoiding looking at Ellie, instead you’re focused on the stretch of road laid out in front of you. The two of you had been stuck at a stand-still for the last couple of hours, neither wanting to be the one to break the silence. Maybe it had less to do with not wanting to and more to do with not knowing what to say. 

You knew her once, could tell anyone that would listen how loud she liked her music, the way she took her tea. You knew which side of the bed she preferred despite her protests that it was childish to have a favourite - it was the left. 

You knew her. You knew her. You knew her. 

You’re not sure if you still do. Her hair is different and her shoes look new - you don’t recognise the brand of air freshener hanging from the mirror. This time when you feel an ache in your chest it feels like something akin to grief. But she still looks like your life two years ago and the thought that you might not look the same makes you slump in your chair. 

It’s another silent hour before you make your first stop at the gas station, even so Ellie still gets out of the car without saying a word. You watch her for a second, eyeing the way she leaned back against the car with her arms crossed over her chest, before unbuckling your seatbelt and heading inside to grab some snacks. 

You take your time browsing down the aisles, glad for the chance to stretch your legs for a bit. There was something about gas stations that made you nostalgic, something about you and Ellie at a gas station that made you nostalgic even though she was outside pumping the gas. There were too many times to count when the two of you would make your way to the closest one at all hours of the night to stockpile on chips and candy for movie nights. You would walk through every single aisle and she would follow, not once complaining over the fact that you got the same things everytime and they were two aisles over. She would hold out a hand to carry the food and you would pay, swatting at her whenever she tried to sneak her card to the cashier who looked far too tired to even act amused. Ellie would say ‘thank you’ and you would tell her that it was on her next time although you both knew that was a lie. 

So you allow your mind to wander and your feet to carry you aimlessly. You rely on muscle memory to take you where you need to go because all these gas stations are built the same. You pay and try to leave the memories at the automatic doors.

Ellie is still standing outside the car when you exit with a full bag, arms still crossed. You call her name and chuck a chocolate bar at her a bit more aggressively than you originally planned, because it hits her square in the chest and falls to the ground with a sad splat. Ellie looks at you irritated. 

“What the fuck?” 

You wince, shoulders up by your ears. “Sorry.” You say sheepishly. 

She rolls her eyes as she bends down to grab the bar off of the ground, you see the moment her harden gaze softens and as quick as it was there it was gone again. She rises slowly, flipping the bar around in her hands. 

“I hope they’re still your favourite.” You wring your hands together.

She nods. “Get in the car, we gotta go.” Before you can respond she turns her back to you and retreats to the car. 

You puff out your cheeks before blowing the air out and make your way back to the passenger side, dumping your bag of snacks onto the floor in front of you. You buckle your seatbelt and lift your head to see Ellie already looking at you, she raises an eyebrow in lieu of asking if you’re ready. You nod.

The two of you drive in silence for roughly another 30 minutes before the urge to speak hits you. The last time you were in this car, you and Ellie talked until you couldn’t breathe, saying whatever was on your mind and taking breaks to sing whatever song was playing. You fear that if you don’t say something now you might choke. 

“Do you remember the time Dina was learning to drive and she hit the curb so hard she started crying?” You don’t know why this is the thing your brain conjured up, maybe the combination of recycled air and the smell of Ellie’s cologne was getting to you. 

Ellie snorts in surprise and looks between you and road. “How could I forget. We had to drive home with a flat tire.”

You’re laughing now, “And you had to bribe her back into the car with the promise of burgers.” You throw your head back. 

Ellie’s laughing now too, a far away look on her face. “Yeah I did, didn’t I? Jesus Christ I thought she was gonna stand in the middle of the street all night and someone was gonna run her over, honestly I wouldn’t of blamed them.” One of her hands was off the wheel and gesturing wildly. “I don’t even know why she was standing on the road, the car was halfway up the sidewalk she should’ve stood there.”

Your laughter tapers off but a wistful smile remains on your face, you see Ellie look at you funny out of the corner of your eye. “What?” You ask softly, your eyes now on her profile. Pretty, you think.

“Nothing. Your laugh sounds the same.”

You struggle to maintain your composure. “Is that a bad thing?”

She shakes her head. “No. Just makes me remember.”

You don’t ask what exactly it was she remembers, because you think that it doesn’t really matter. She remembers your laugh and that's enough for you. It has to be, because you know you weren’t in the position to ask for more. 

 Ellie hesitantly calls out your name this time. 

“Yeah?”

“Why did you leave?”

The question was sobering, you were expecting it the moment you saw her yet it still made you flinch. “I couldn’t stay.” You say. 

You don’t elaborate.

She furrows her brow and you have the urge to smooth it out gently with your thumb and apologise for being the reason that its there. “Why didn’t you come back?” She tries again, voice strained like it hurt her to ask. Maybe it did.

You give her a smile. “I am now aren’t I?” 

“I don’t know, are you?”

Your smile falters. 

“Fuck you.” You snap, smile fully gone and replaced with something harsh. You quickly try and backtrack. “I’m sorry-”

“No it’s okay.” You both know it’s not okay. “I shouldn’t of asked.”

“Ellie-”

“Do you want to listen to something?” She interjects as she reaches over you to open the glovebox and pull out a stack of CD’s with one hand, you remember buying her some of them, she plops them down in your lap. “Take your pick. That Fleetwood Mac one is in there somewhere if that’s still your thing.” It was still your thing. 

You grab something different instead, something that you couldn’t immediately attach a memory to and put it in the slot and press play. 

You had swapped out the CD playing twice before you finally gathered the courage to speak to Ellie again, still embarrassed you had thrown your words at her face. 

“How have you been?” You wince at your own words.

She turns to look at you incredulously. “Is that really what you’re going with?” 

You huff even though you knew that it was a dumb question. “Fine. Why did you say yes to driving me home?” 

“Dina forced me.” She was quick with her response.

You let the words sink in before asking another question. “You still could’ve said no.” The Ellie you knew was much more stubborn than Dina, could often outlast any insisting from her.

You watch as she shuffles in her seat and sighs. “Yeah I could’ve but then she would’ve annoyed me about it for forever, so it was easier to just say yes right off the bat.”

Silence fills the air once more as you think about it. Something wasn’t right and perhaps the stifling air in the car was making you agitated or perhaps Ellie wasn’t telling you the truth. The sky was so blue out here, you think.

“Not everything has to mean something.” She blurts out in irritation.

You turn your head to find her already looking at you. “What?”

“I can tell you’re sitting there trying to pick apart what I just said.” She bites at you like you did her, eyes darting between you and the road rapidly as her knuckles grow white from where she clenches the steering wheel. “You do it so fucking much that you forget to fucking listen. Not everyone is trying to speak to you in fucking riddles you know? Maybe, just maybe, when someone tells you their favourite colour’s blue they just really fucking love the colour blue. It has nothing to do with the ocean or the sky, it’s just something that is.”

There was a version of you that she knew and probably was expecting, the same version of you that had snapped at her earlier. That was a small lapse, one apparently Ellie managed to bring out of you. But that part of you that resides somewhere in your chest wanted to yell at her, deny everything she had just said and say something back that would hurt her - hurt you too when you see the look on her face. But nowadays you’re mostly just tired. Besides, she wasn’t exactly wrong.

You click your tongue and hold her stare when she looks back at you. “You done?”

Her chest heaves. “Yes.”

“Good.” You look away. “Focus on the road.”

You hum along to the song playing over the sound of her deep breathing as she tries to calm herself down. When some time passes you open up a bag of what used to be her favourite chips, you were unsure if she still liked them, but you still offer them to her first. You hold the bag steady when she huffs and sticks a hand into the bag to grab some. You’re still mad at her and you’re sure that she’s still mad at you, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to care when she continues to crunch on the chips like her life depended on them. It was all so familiar.

Your anger had settled into quiet exhaustion when Ellie pulls into a 24-hour diner. It was iffy-looking but there was something oddly charming about it. You follow her inside and take note of the outdated furniture and the weird smell permeating throughout the room, you like it, you think. 

Ellie slides into a booth and sitting across from her you see her under the fluorescent lights. She looked more gaunt here, eye bags prominent. You still thought she looked good. You pretend to look at the menu when its placed in front of you by a young teenage girl, knowing what you’ll get but wanting to look busy. The waitress, Betty her name tag says, comes by with a pot of coffee in her hand, she fills up your mug first and goes to fill up Ellie’s when you quickly cover the cup with your hand. Betty’s look of initial confusion is replaced with a big grin. 

“So, what can I get ya?” Her voice is chipper. 

You open your mouth the speak but Ellie beats you to the punch.

“She’ll get the pancakes, extra strawberries, and I’ll just get some bacon and eggs please.” Her eyes widen. “Sorry-”

“-No, it’s okay.”

“I must be tired from driving. I wasn’t really thinking-”

“-No really it’s okay.”

The sound of both your voices overlap as Ellie tries to apologise and as you try to tell her that it’s okay. It’s okay that she still knows you. You see Betty out of the corner of your eye watching in amusement, but to be fair the diner was empty so this was probably the most entertainment the place had been in awhile. 

“Is that all?” Betty asks, grin still taking over her face. 

“She’ll get a diet coke.” You say nodding your head in Ellie’s direction. She looks away with rosy cheeks.

“Y’all are cute. I’ll be right back.” You watch as Betty practically skips away. This diner was oddly charming indeed. 

You’re fiddling with the handle of your coffee cup when Ellie’s drink is deposited in front of her. There was an outrageous curly straw swirling from the tall glass and the sheer disbelief on Ellie’s face made you want to laugh. You lift your mug to hide your face behind it. It was decided then that you and Betty would make great friends.

“You think this is funny don’t you?” The defeat in Ellie’s face is endearing. 

You take a loud sip of your coffee, eyes meeting hers over your cup. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

She sighs. 

“It’s a straw Ellie.” You say, unable to hide the teasing in your tone. “If you don’t want to drink from it just drink straight from the glass.”

Ellie looks you dead in the eyes when she takes her first sip and you try to look anywhere but her mouth around that damn straw. She sucks the drink up and you watch the liquid travel around in its various loop-de-loops, Ellie releases the straw between her lips with an exaggerated lip smack. “Refreshing.”

You snort. “You’re making me jealous.”

She takes the opportunity. “Of the straw?” A single eyebrow lifts in question. 

“No you bitch.” You feel yourself begin to fluster. “I obviously meant of you. Because you got a cool straw and I got this chipped mug. I mean look at it-” you gesture wildly towards it, “-its bright pink and has like a million swirly things.” Swirly things? Really? Maybe Betty is better off remaining your waitress and not your best friend. It wouldn’t be too big of a loss, you didn’t know her that well anyway.

Ellie was laughing, very clearly proud of herself. “I’m just fucking with you.” She says. “You know that right?”

Right.

You avoid her eyes that were looking for yours, cheeks still warm. “Of course, no harm done.”

“Good.”

There’s a stretch of silence before you hesitantly break it. “Ellie?”

“Yeah?”

You pointedly make eye contact with her hoping that she sees if for what it is, an apology or an admission, either way you hoped she saw it. “I meant it when I said I couldn’t of stayed. Back in the car.” You hold up a hand to stop her from interrupting. “I know you’re gonna ask me why, but I don’t know if I can you reason.” 

She reaches across the table to grab your hand that had abandoned your mug. She looked feral in a way, eyes wild. “Try.” She begs. “Please.”

You nod and try to clear the lump forming in your throat. “I think I always wanted to leave, think you knew that too, but I wasn’t gonna leave without you and you weren’t gonna stay without me.” Ellie nods and you continue. “And I would’ve been happy, more than happy to continuing the life that I was living with you. You were my best friend. But do you remember when we got into the argument? The one right before I left?”

You watch as Ellie looks down at your intertwined hands and gulps. “Yeah. Yeah I do.”

“Yeah I remember it too.” You give her hand a squeeze. “I called you every name in the book and you told me that it was suffocating being my friend.” 

She grips you tighter as though she was scared you’ll pull away. “I didn’t mean it-”

“I know.” At the time you wished you had read between the lines to find the something in her words, in the same way she had berated you over in the car. Because she did mean it when she said it and you had felt the same way back but hadn’t put it into words. The two of you were suffocated by the love you had for each other that was disguised as being merely platonic. “But Ellie, I left because I was suffocating me too.” 

It seemed as though Betty had impeccable timing because there she was happy as a clam with your two plates of food. You look at Ellie looking at your hands still holding each other and you think Betty was either your saviour or your worst enemy. 

“Here you two go!” You and Ellie break apart. “And here’s your extra strawberries.” Betty gives you a wink and skips back to wherever she appeared from. 

Ellie looks between you and the food. You give her a smile. “Eat. I’ll still be here to talk about it later.” The words you said sounded awfully like a promise.

Betty comes back to grab your empty plates, coffee in hand as she pours you another. “Can I get you another diet coke?” She tempts.

“No I’m okay. Thank you.” Ellie says.

“No problem, holler if you need anything.” There she goes again.

Ellie calls your name this time, you leave your mug untouched. “What did you mean when you said that you were suffocating yourself too?”

“Everytime I looked at you I felt like I was dying.” It wasn’t a full answer, but you weren’t ready to give so much of yourself away. You feel the same way you did two years ago before you left. “Do you understand?” Please understand, you think.

She looks at you with something in her stare that feels holy, like a revelation. “Yeah I think I do.” 

The period of time between you meeting Ellie and now is often remembered in differing stages of hurt. The hurt in your hands when you clenched your fists too tightly that time in class when you saw her staring at a girl you couldn’t even name. The hurt on your hip when the two of you got matching tattoos. The hurt in your heart when you went away and stayed away. 

The waiting hurt and so did the leaving.

And the realisation that it didn’t need to hurt, especially for as long as you did, left you feeling unsettled. The hurt was familiar, almost as familiar as Ellie, and you didn’t know if you could leave it behind too. Didn’t know if you would survive it. But surviving wasn’t living and this hurt could feel different. Because maybe, finally, all this love will have a place to go. 

You stand up to go pay and Ellie doesn’t try to stop you like she used to. You leave Betty a big tip and she gives you a cheesy grin in return with her thanks. Ellie is waiting by the front door with her shoulders slumped and hands fiddling when you turn around. You walk towards her. 

“Let’s stop somewhere for the night, yeah?”

“Yeah-” her voice cracks and she clears her throat, “-yeah sounds good.”

When you arrive to the closest motel it wasn’t nearly half as charming as the diner you had just eaten in. There was also no Betty to greet you at the front desk, instead a ragged man who was staring a bit too hard at you told you there was only one room left available. He looked far too happy when he sensed your discomfort. 

Ellie places a foot right in front of where you’re standing and steps forward, obstructing your view. “We’ll take it.” She pays this time.

The man throws the keys on top of the counter and grumbles to himself. Ellie places a hand on the small of your back when you turn to walk away and you subconsciously lean into it before you feel her nudge you along. The two of you made the walk to your room in silence but you can still feel the heat from her hand radiating up your spine. You shiver.

Ellie taps your hip, a gesture you remember, to get you to move aside. She swings both bags she was carrying on her shoulder higher so she can open the door and you’re immediately met with the sight of a bed, there was other furniture in the room but the bed really stood out. 

There was one bed. 

It’s okay, you thought. You had shared a bed with Ellie multiple times, you practically lived at her house that one summer and all the summers following. 

“Are you coming?”

You don’t trust your words so you nod and step inside. You didn’t realise closing the door would make the room seem infinitely smaller otherwise you might’ve left it open and just dealt with whatever the consequences were. Because there was still only one bed inside of a really small room. You try and play it cool. 

“You’re taking the left.” Smooth.

Ellie agrees easily. “Fine by me.”

You watch as she throws the bags onto the bed and begin rooting through hers, pulling out an old t-shirt that you recognised and a pair of sweatpants. She makes her way to the bathroom without once looking at you. You huff and grab your pyjamas too, changing into them hurriedly and lying down on the right side.

Ellie turns off the light and joins you in bed, the two of you staring at the ceiling. You hear her breathing and it sounds like your childhood. It sounds like your future too, the one you dream but never talk about. 

You both lay there under the covers on your backs and you think about how close she is to you. You didn’t know how to tell her you missed her, there simply weren’t enough words in the English language to express it, so you remained quiet. You think a lifetime has past when she decides to speak. In a way it had because you feel a new you being created in this dirty motel room. 

“I hate you for leaving.” Without me. You hear the unspoken words this time.

“I know.” 

“I hate you.” She states, stance firm.

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t.”

You don’t know who reaches for who first, all you know is that you turn over and there she was, consuming your senses in a way only she knows how. You think about her lips on yours and the way her tongue traces your bottom lip. You think about her hands gripping your waist tight and the way she sighs into your mouth, you think that you want her to do it again. You think that everything about this road trip was doomed from the start. You think that it’s a problem for tomorrow’s version of you to deal with. 

You stop thinking when she pulls you on top of her and tugs at your shirt. You sigh into her mouth this time. 

[lowkeyrobin]

hi hi!! could i get cricket crew (those a-okay with xreaders) with a reader who’s like a pro gamer, maybe reader is also a streamer? somethin along the lines of that pretty please 🦕

ahhh yes of course!! I recognize you mwahahha, lmk if you'd like to be addressed as 🦕 anon btw bc I can't tell if you used it in a silly way like how I use 🛒🛒🛒 somwtimes or as a way to address yourself LMAO no worries tho 🫶🫶🫶

HANDSOME BROS ; pro gamer era

includes ; ranboo, tommyinnit, & badlinu

warnings ; language, mention of Dream

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he's been your biggest fan since day one, literally

he just so happened to be one of the first couple viewers you pulled while you began speedrunning minecraft

eventually you guys became friends and stuff

he literally watched your speedruns go from an hour and a half to half an hour so quickly

and over that time he's been boosting your stuff and everything

you ofc make other content and collab w other streamers, mostly Tommy and his friends

one time, you get a speedrun down to 25:03, your best so far and he's in a vc w you with your stream pulled up

literally screams when he sees the ender dragon explode into xp

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YOU GOT DOWN TO 25 MINUTES, THAT WAS SO GOOD, OH MY GOD, Y/N/N!"

you sit there like "omg I just did that that's my best record ever"

afterwards you play roblox for a bit with him (meep city) and throw a party to celebrate

you meet a bunch of viewers/chatters/fans as well bc you publicized yours and Tommy's usernames so they could join your server

"You're a pro now, y/n! even better than Dream!"

if he was right next to you rn, he'd be giving you the biggest kiss in the whole world

you'd been spending so, so long to get below a half hour or so and even just 5 minutes below that made you so ecstatic, same with him lmao

he literally makes 40 tweets about it and posts about it on his Instagram story

he also doordashes you some fast food + like three large waters

he's literally your biggest fan ❤️❤️❤️

when I tell you he's so fucking sweet to you

he's fully aware you're very serious with your video games and you try to be the best you possibly can

like he'll come over while you're training for a valorant competition with foolish & punz and just hang out behind you and watch

he'll go to snapchat and snap aimsey a pic of u grinding on valorant with the caption "look who's grinding valorant again"

star will respond with a "Jesus Christ how many hours do they have on there??"

he'll reply with a video of him asking

"how many hours do you have on valorant? like, all time"

you didnt even hesitate or think before you replied with "253"

"HOLY SHIT DONT YOU THINK YOURE GOOD ENOUGH?"

"amount of hours doesn't equal skill, tommy"

RANBOO

good god they're actually worried something is wrong with you

no way super Mario odyssey can be so fun to you

speedruns went from maybe 2 hours down to 58ish mins or so in just a couple months

you were friends prior, but you got back into smo and got addicted with trying glitches and bugs you knew about

once you reached like 58:05, (about 13th on the leaderboard) you quit

good lord there was no getting better lmao

then came the challenge to get all the moons and speedrunning the dark side & darker side of the moon

they got on a vc with you while you were collecting moons so you could deal w a lot of distraction, and asked you to check the hours time

the way this shit said 834 hours.

the amount of joke-yelling and "I'm not mad just disappointed" convo came out of that

"It's not my fault the game is fun!"

"that's more than a year! that's nearly two straight years!"

"I've been playing it since release in my defense. I probably grinded up half of that within the past year or two though to be honest"

never the less, they always cheer you on and always have to boost your content

for the leaderboards, you're around 70th place on the dark side, about two hours, and for the darker side, around 80th, so about 3 and a half hours

they literallt watched you do 10+ hour streams and got on vc to voice concerns of burnout or scoliosis

"I'm fine! shit! damnit!"

"Chat please tell them to go sleep, this is wild. go play Mario kart with Bill at least"

"Yeah, come play Mario Kart with me!"

"where the fuck did you come from, I didn't even hear you join???"

"I've been here for half an hour!?"

BADLINU

you're freakishly amazing at building in the Sims 4

like dude you're an idol in the Sims community it's so weird

you build like those humongous mansions and find new furniture glitches and new designs and share them and stuff

dude don't even get me started on your sims

most the time you make your friends but they're never inaccurate

you can dedicate a five hour stream just making the fucking characters dude

he'll sit next to you so you can properly make his face and he'll get all tingly in his head as he watches

when you're making a giant new build he'll tweet about it like 4 times and leave a link to your stream LMAO

"guys go watch y/ns stream they have polls set so you guys can actually decide on design choices"

he's actually your biggest fan omg

he'll be in your chat like "omg hi y/n"

"Hey Freddie!"

joins a vc with you and starts absolutely bombarding you with compliments

dude can't go one stream without taking 372882 screenshots of you

"Dude how do you have motivation for this?"

"It's fun! if I can't be a designer in real life then I'll be one in the digital world motherfucker"

[stoutguts]

A Pint of Comfort (💀🧼) PART 2

(first time rlly writing a full length fic like this, so be nice okay?)

Tooth-rotting fluff, established relationship, the definition of hurt/comfort, mutual pining (kind of?????/just barely (idk, I'm kind of bad with tropes), lots of crying (and suggestive kissing), Ghost has Astraphobia,—Johnny helps Simon through a PTSD episode, while also finally getting a much needed point across 💖

possible CW/TW for PTSD, flashbacks, Ghost's canon backstory, very subtly implied NSFW at the very end lmao, and implied parental/child ab*se

Link to the previous part!:

Now, here Soap was, having to walk home in this fucking weather.

At 10, almost 11 o’clock at night, no less, (the boys had kept him much longer than he would’ve liked).

It was simply perfect out, before he left, and even as he made his trek to the pub.

Clear skies, sunshine, all that bullshit.

He even saw a damn rainbow stretching across the heavens, which put a little smile on his face.

But I guess,—just leave it to the sheer unpredictability of Manchester’s weather,—to completely ruin your whole day!

Johnny sighs resignedly, as he gathers up the courage to run home in the pouring rain. Frowning at the gross, black clouds over head.

“It really is pishin’ it doon out here…” he says to himself, staring off into the distance. Dissociating a little.

It wasn’t that getting wet bothered him or anything,—he’s a damn solider for Christ’s sake.

He’d been through way worse conditions than this…In way worse…situations…than this.

He had nearly froze his ass off when they had intercepted Shepherd in that frozen wasteland, or when he’d snagged that ACS module in Kazakhstan with Roach, (which was all for nothing by the way).—Considering he’s the most cold-natured person on the planet. (While Simon about died from a heat stroke on multiple occasions in Las Almas, and bitches and complains the whole time when they’re on missions in places where it’s particularly humid. (Being incredibly hot-natured).

Soap is just paranoid about getting struck by lightning…as stupid as that sounds.

Eventually Johnny quits his pussyfooting around, and sprints out from under the shelter. Taking off his jacket and lifting it over his head as makeshift cover.

He runs for pretty much the whole way home, and as soon he reaches the porch,—he hurriedly fumbles with his keys and makes his way inside. Slamming and locking the door behind him,—before taking off his soaked sneakers and throwing his soiled jacket on the floor.

Soap then just leans up against the door for a minute, panting,—after all,—he’d just made it back to him and Ghost’s house in record time.

After he successfully catches his breath, he shivers, cold as ice because of his now waterlogged clothes.

“Like a motherfockin’ monsoon, bloody Jesus…” he thinks to himself, as he, unexpectedly, squeezes water out of his shirt. His jeans dripping onto the welcome mat below him. The jacket did fuck all to protect him from the rain.

You would’ve thought the man had jumped into a fucking swimming pool.

Johnny, covered in sweat and rainwater, figures he could use a hot shower.

After taking off his wet socks and shoving them into his discarded shoes, he heads over to him and Simon's shared bedroom. Not caring about the trail of water made by his jeans, (he’d clean it up later or it would dry up eventually, (whichever comes first).

"Ah'm home—“, Soap announces before confusedly looking around the room, as Ghost is nowhere to be seen, and not in bed. Not to mention,—he realizes he got no response.

That is until...his eyes finally find Simon—curled up into a ball in the far corner of the room next to the lamp. Shaking, with his hands over his head.

He’s crying.

“Simon? Simon! Doll, what’s wrong?”, Johnny calls out as he rushes over to them, kneeling down and attempting to draw them close. Wanting to ease whatever was distressing them.

Though, without a word, in a moment of desperation and slight clarity, Simon tackles him as soon as it notices him.—Knocking Soap down onto his ass.

Wrapping his arms around him, and hugging him tightly. Proceeding to sob loudly, as they bury their face into Johnny’s shoulder.

“Mo gradh, what’s wrong? Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay….Ah’m here, calm down, it’s aaricht…”, Soap soothes, feeling his heart break, seeing Ghost in such a state. He brings his hands up to embrace him, rubbing his back.

“No!”, Simon wails, “Please stop! Don’t hurt me—please it hurts!”, tears stream down it’s face, as it cries out in pure terror.

Johnny’s own tears well up in his eyes as he realizes what’s happening.

“Ye poor, poor thang…”, he thinks to himself.

He feels his chest clench painfully. The poor guy reliving things so vividly, that’s he’s age-regressed along with it.

Soap pulls himself together for Ghost, wiping his tears away.

“C’mon, wrap ye legs around mae…there ye go…”, Johnny gently instructs Simon, with it wrapped around him like an octopus. He hoists Ghost, (who’s still shaking like a leaf), up into his arms, before walking over to their bed.

Awkwardly sitting down, with them still clutching onto him.

As Soap picked him up, he realized that they had wet themselves,—but he would worry about that later. After all, he’d forgotten about his own sopping wet clothes ages ago.

He holds him close again, with one arm around their waist and the other holding it’s head, like you would a baby. Slowly rocking him back and forth, as he knows it’s something they do to calm themselves down from time to time.

A loud boom echos from outside,—more thunder.

To Johnny’s surprise,—Simon jumps at the sound, whimpering. Gripping onto him even tighter, shaking even more violently, and burying it’s face even more into his drenched t-shirt.

“Please…don’t leave me…mum, I need you! Don’t let him hurt me…please!”, Ghost bawls, inconsolable.

“He’s naw here, love. Yer pops isnae here, he’s gone remember? It’s just ye and mae…”, Soap’s voice breaks, as he chokes the words out.

He clears his throat.

“Aye, ye have mae word—I wouldnae let annae'ane hurt ye,—ah’d kill ‘em first…Ah’d never leave ye, I love you so much, ah’d be with ye till the bitter end…”, Johnny whispers, reassuring Simon. Despite his best efforts to stay strong, he still can’t help but get all misty-eyed himself. Shedding his own tears out of pity, with his chest now tight with affection, for the man clinging to him like their life depends on it.

“Please stop,—stop…please…”, Ghost continues to weep.

All the while, Soap does his best to comfort him and get him through it,—until the storm passes. Making for a long and arduous night at home.

…

By the end of it, Simon’s eyes are red and swollen from crying so much, and they’ve got a gnarly migraine.

Johnny helps it to change out of it’s piss-stained basketball shorts and boxers, and clean them up. Additionally, throwing away and cleaning up the plethora of used tissues, from it’s sinuses becoming inflamed. Fetching some ibuprofen and cold syrup from the medicine cabinet, and a glass of water from the kitchen for him while he’s at. He tucks Ghost in on the non-damp side of the bed, kissing them on the forehead, before they quickly fall asleep.

Soap then finally gets the chance to change out of his now, mostly dry clothes, and take a shower. And by the time he’s done, he’s ready to conk out himself.

After he swiftly does his nightly skincare routine, he gets under the covers and cozies up to his lover,—spooning him.

Stay tuned for the other parts! (Breaking this up into parts, as it's kind of a long one).

Part 3 will probably be up by tomorrow!

[notroosterbradshaw]

That 100 different kisses list has me thinking about 80 with Rooster 😵‍💫

PROMPT: 80. crashing your lips together during an argument

thank you for this, Anna, angst with fluff for you xx

“I just don't fucking get it,” you muttered after Rooster. He pushed open the door, conscious of you behind him, holding the door so it wouldn’t hit you in his frustration, and you followed him out of the bar and he stomped to the car. “I was not flirting with him - I mean, not the way you 'talk to girls at the bar',” you petulantly used the latter part of the sentence in air quotes just to belittle him a bit more and he threw his hands up, frustrated. “I didn't even accept the drink!”

He stopped and spun to look at you, his eyes dark with rage. “He asked for your number.”

“Again, I didn't give it to him. What did you see that I didn't?” you begged to know. You didn't accept a drink, and you didn't give him your number, it didn't seem deeper than that. Rooster was usually much more comfortable in his own skin and was happy for you to chat with anyone at the bar. “I get to leave with the hottest guy in the bar and you think I'm entertaining the thought of cheating on you... while you're mere meters away?” you were baffled.

He chewed his lip, the cool night air calming a little after the stifling heat in the bar. “He asked for your number while I was standing next to you.”

“And you threatened to put your fist down his throat,” you added.

“And you’re angry at that?” he asked incredulously. “I'm in the wrong here?” he was seething.

“Oh, I get it now. You don't understand why you're the bad guy when you threaten violence to a guy that's hitting on me - and getting nothing, for the record - who walks away like you and I are both batshit crazy?”

He rolled his eyes, digging his keys from his pocket to your car, the Bronco getting the night off. “This is bullshit.”

"No, it's not. You're acting like an asshole and I called you out on it, so you’re having a 34-year-old’s version of a tantrum. I can't even imagine the ramifications if you followed through," you continued. 

“Do you ever fucking stop?” he asked, opening the passenger side, and in grandiose form, pleading you get in the car. “Ma'am, you piece of shit chariot awaits.”

“Fuck's sake, you don't have to take it out on the car, Bradley,” you snipped at him, getting in as he slammed the door behind you. You buckled up just in time for him to slide into the driver's seat and he harshly adjusted the seat and mirrors.

“Jesus Christ,” he started the car, whipping his belt on.

“Oh, my God,” you rolled your eyes, kicking your heels off and putting your feet on the dash. The overreaction was just spectacular. 

“Look,” he pressed the ignition, the car roaring to life. He cursed the music that you were both listening to on the trip here and bashed at the volume mute until it behaved. “I don’t want any guy to feel comfortable around you enough to think that you’re available to them.”

“That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” you muttered. “Just drive home. I can’t deal with you anymore tonight. I thought this was going okay, but clearly, we’re on two very different pages here. I’m not going to be possessed by you. You don’t own me, or who I talk to, whether you think I’m leading them on or not. This is about you, not me.”

“I’m in love with you, fuck,” he exclaimed. “Can’t you see that? I don’t want whatever this casual thing is, I want us. You flirting with other guys makes me think I’m fucking drowning and you don’t feel the same,” he didn’t look at you. 

You didn’t look at him, but you sure heard him. The silence in the car was deafening. You’d yet to say those words and although you didn’t want to be casual with Bradley at all, this wasn’t exactly the way you wanted him to tell you he was in love with you - mid-argument. “You’re so fucking ridiculous,” you told him.

“I tell you I love you, and I’m ridiculous?” his tone still rough.

“Do you think that telling me you love me while you’re degrading me is fair?” you yelled.

“Well, no,” he admitted, his hands clutching the steering wheel, knuckles white.

“Fuck, I love you too,” you sighed, rubbing your face and finally turning to look at him, looking right back at you, eyes searching your face desperately. And before you could speak again, his hands drew around the back of your neck and brought you to him, kissing you like his life depended on it - like you were his air. He felt your body and sighed as he felt the seatbelt, releasing it and pulling you closer to him. 

“I love you,” he breathed. “I’m so in love with you. Please tell me you feel the same?” he pulled your hair, panting as he rested his forehead against yours. He knew his actions didn’t represent his feelings and realised he may have ruined everything before it even began.

“I love you, Bradley, I do,” you kissed him deeply, the adrenaline waning and he kissed your forehead. “Please don’t act like that again. I don’t like when you’re jealous. It’s not endearing at all.”

“I won’t,” he promised. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“I love you,” you reaffirmed for him. He sighed and smiled. Your Bradley returning to you. He kissed you again, gentle and loving

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 15 recap -amble

i think recap is the wrong word for these actually? its more like a live blog situation. i think i'm gonna change that

anywayy i'm so many days late its TIME

oh sam is so smooth with the tickets i adore the two of them

"if only to see your face" WHAT and then alice walks in oh my fucking god. babygirl i love you so much but i really need you to leave

human baby reveal holy shit

"babies are cool" alice honey i am so so sorry for your repeated fumbles but i really think you just need to leave

i thought that was tim for a second i genuinely believed that was tim. i think i am hallucinating him (i miss him).

oh shit.. this is very lesbian of me but she sounds so fucking cool in the scariest way ever

this weirdly reminds me of what happened to daisy but like if she.. died..? you know what i mean??? oh SHIT SHES ACTUALLY IN THE VOICEMAIL OH MY GOD. WHAT? WHAT WAIT SHES IN THE? THATS NOT THE VOICEMAIL THATS THE REAL THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT honey no honey celia run celia book it so fast

GWEN? GWEN? GWEN??????????? GWEEEENNNN???????????????????????????? MY LOVE????????? MY DEAREST BABYGIRL WHAT THE ACTUAL WHAT ARE YOU DOING BABE BABE??????? AND THE BOUCHARD LORE MY HEAD HURTS OS BAD

and it keeps going. it keeps going. oh is this luke? how did i put this off for so long oh my fucking jesus christ

awe i love that alice and luke are so close

......okay where are we now?? how are there 7 minutes left genuinely what is taking place in this podcast rn

ALICE??????????? ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE ALICE I AM I AM AFRAID I AM AFRAID I AM AFRAID I AM AFRAID I II III IIIIII DO WE REMEMBER HOW WORM SEX GIRL GOT POSSESSED BECAUSE SHE TRIED TO HELP JANE PRENTISS DO WE REMEMBER THAT DO WE REMEMBER WORM SEX GIRL

babygirl.. babygirl no youre in a horror podcast never ever ever touch the victim this is this is awful alice no why did it fucking have to be her my babygirl my sweet cheese my good time boy

A TAPE RECORDER. it's so over? it's so over? it's so over?

[connor6sex]

because apparently i fucking hate myself, i felt a compulsion to try to transcribe some of Minutetech's last stream. Here's the transcript of Minutetech getting Impeached. Idk if it's all fully accurate, these fuckers love crosstalk more than life itself.

Long post, so below cut. Or on Google Docs,

Mapicc: Minutetech and I have made a bet. If I can get 14 people to oust him publicly. He will hold a reelection.

Mapicc: Right now we have 5, Baconnwaffles, Mapicc, Princezam, um, Roshambo and Jepex. THats five. I'm now going to go down the list, unmute people and if you want to say you are ousting Minute, you can now. We'll start with Wemmbu.

Wemmbu: Hello Chat, I'd like to oust Minute.

Mapicc: Okay, what does that make, 6/14? I'll unmute you now Minute, just so you can help me keep count while we go.

Minute: hello. So you're going to force them into making a decision before I can disprove the lies in that video? Is that what we're doing here?

Mapicc: I'm pretty sure we're going down the list to oust people. you can make a response afterwards, but that's kinda defeating-

Minute: That's what I just said, that you're trying to make them make a decision before I can disprove the lies in that video or what.

Roshambo: Let's do it by votes. Do you guys want to hear Minute's response or has that been enough proof?

Bacon: Jumperwho and Pentar say yes. Thank you for your input.

Mapicc: I think I'm going to go down the list and unmute people, you can make a response video on your own time, Minute. We're not gonna sit here for 30 minutes and have a debate, that's not the purpose of this vc.

Minute: Alright, I'll make a response video and see if their answers change.

Mapicc: Okay. We'll start with Poafa. Poafa do you oust Minute?

Poafa: I believe that Minutetech is an imposter, just like among us.

Mapicc: Is that a?

Poafa: I oust Minute.

Mapicc: Okay, thank you, Jesus Christ. What is that, 6 now?

Minute: 7

Mapicc: 7/14. We'll go next with Woogie. Hello Woogie, do you oust Minute?

Woogie: I like everything you've done, but I think, without a response I have to say I oust Minute.

Mapicc: 8 out of what? 14. We'll next go with Spoke.

Minute: I have a response, it's just they're not letting me say it, so. Keep that in mind.

Roshambo: Well, if you have a good response-

Spoke: Dog, can I wait till he gives a response?

Mapicc: No.

Minute: Oh! Convenient, convenient! Convenient response from Mapicc.

Zam: You can just choose to not oust him.

Bacon: Fine fine,

Zam: What do you mean? You can just choose to not oust him, I feel like, what?

Minute: He just said can we wait, and Mapicc just yapped no.

Ro?Leo?: Zam, Zam. What if we all say like 'we're not to oust him' and Minute's like 'yeah i'm not going to give a response now' That was our once chance to like, actually get him out of office

Mapicc: Okay. Fine, what would you like to say Minute?

Zam: I thought we had until next weekend?

Minute: You have until next weekend.

Mapicc: I'm allowed to ask people to oust now. But if you would like to respond, you can make a response video.

Minute: Oh, I have a response video, don't worry.

Spoke: I can change my answer?

Ro: Wait, Aren't you going to- Let's hear your response now?

Minute: I can bring up the video, I can go through it, I can bring up old recordings, I can do all that.

Mapicc: I don't want to watch you look through recordings.

Minute: Hey, I got the time, do you have the time?

Mapicc: No. Not everybody has the time, dude.

Spoke: Okay, whip up a video, whip up a video.

Mapicc: Oh my god.

Bacon: We don't have time for him to whip up a video

Mapicc: We don't have time for him to edit a video

Minute: Shall we postpone this?

Spoke: I'm going to oust him now, but like. He can drop a video, I'll just change my answer if it's fire.

Ro: Okay, so let's keep going down the list.

Mapicc: Okay, so you oust him now, right Spoke?

Spoke: Uhuh.

Mapicc: Okay, what is that 10/14?

Minute: 8, wait what? Did we?

Bacon: I'm really glad we unmuted Minute for the counting, because he's way better at this than Mapicc.

Mapicc: Okay, so 9/14. We'll go next for 4C. 4C do you oust Minute?

4CVIT: uh, my mic was muted. This is uh, this is a really interesting discussion. Like meeting, I was not prepared for this today. Um, oh my goodness, I want to hear Minute's response, and I want to talk to Minute. But for now, I'll explain later, I will oust Minute, yes.

Mapicc: And that makes? You do the counting Minute.

Minute: I believe that's 10 now right?

Mapicc: Probably. Alright, we'll go down to Reddoons. Reddoons do you oust Minute?

Reddoons: Well, my friends are saying to oust Minute, so I'm falling to peer pressure. I'm saying oust Minute, this is definitely a gaslit, peer pressure decision, definitely no other ulterior motive. Oust MinuteTech.

Mapicc: Okay, that's 11. Planetlord, do you oust Minute?

Planet: Um, hey, so, Minute, um, you know, you're a great guy and all, I can't- You don't understand this all right now but I'm sorry, I'm going to have to say yes.

Mapicc: So that's 12/14? We'll go to Spepticle. Spepticle do you oust Minute?

Spepticle: Um, hello. I don't think I can oust Minute, yeah. I don't. Yeah, that's all I'm going to say.

Mapicc: I guess I'll unmute Pentar, and I'll unmute Jumper, you guys want to say your piece? You don't oust Minute right?

Jumper: I don't.

Pentar: Would you believe me if I say that I don't oust Minute.

Mapicc: I do believe you, I do believe you. So what are we on right now? 11/14?

Minute: 12 I think.

Mapicc: 12, okay. LeoWook, this is an interesting one, do you oust Minute, LeoWook?

LeoWook: No.

Mapicc: Ok.

LeoWook: What? “this is really interesting”

Mapicc: Okay. So we have what? 11/14 right now Minute?

Minute: 12, 12, 12! Jesus, 12!

Mapicc: Okay, 12.

Mapicc: There's got to be an easier

Zam: I am shocked how many times it was counted wrong, I'm actually in shock. It's been counted wrong so many times dude.

Mapicc: You're mean to me

Zam: Bro, lock the fuck in.

Ro: We're at 12, we're at 12.

Mapicc: Okay, we're at 12. Spoke, do you want to make an announcement for people to react to, that way they can change their thing whenever they want? And the final poll will go down

Spoke: Wanna oust Minute? Reply with a checkmark if so.

Bacon: react with a checkmark

Spoke: He will be kicked and a president will be elected. Okay this is about to be the craziest-

Mapicc: How would this have worked Minute? If I did get 14 people, would we have just hosted a reelection right now or?

Minute: It would have happened at session, and then. Depending if people change their minds

Mapicc: That's interesting. 

[Segment removed by Transcriber due to talking about poop]

Mapicc: I thought it was, Once you hit 14 we host a reelection then.

Minute: I said- hold on hold on hold on

Wemmbu: That aside, that aside, that aside. In your original video Minute, you said before session.

Minute: Didn't I say by session?

Mapicc: I think you said before

Minute: I said if I get 14 people to say that before session, than the next session's policy would be reelection.

Ro: So what are we at right now? 12.

Mapicc: If you just voted to oust Minute, go to the announcement and react positively, you can take your thing off if he convinces you later. But just so we have a count for right now.

Bacon: The X doesn't do anything guys, if your wondering.

Spoke: It's for like, uh,

Bacon: It's for moral support i guess.

Spoke: It's for interactions, engagements.

Mapicc: Who are we missing that hasn't reacted yet. Oh, Zam, Ro.

Ro: Oh sorry.

Poafa: Which ones which?

Mapicc: What the fuck do you mean which ones which?

Bacon: So the checkmark is for if you want him to be ousted, and the X is for. I don't know, if you want to react with an X.

Mapicc: Hold on, we need an extra reaction for the Jepex's of the community. He can just do it later.

Ro: We can just imagine it's plus one for Jepex, right?

Mapicc: Yeah, can we do 12? It counts as 12 right now Minute?

Minute: Uh, yeah. Current count is 12.

Mapicc: Hold on. This is interesting. This is a closer number than you had expected, Minute?

Minute: I figured there was a moment where it might have gotten to this.

Mapicc: Really? You expected it to hit 11?

Zam: 12!

Minute: After you guys said your response I figured some of the votes might get to this.

Mapicc: It's 11 in the reactions.

Minute: It's 12 total though

Zam: Okay, but it's 12 total though.

Mapicc: Yes, it's 12 total, i said 11 cause the thing. What the fuck are you doing Poafa?

Zam: Does our amazing current president want to come on stage and say anything?

Leo: I think Minute should defend himself

Ro: Yeah, why can't we settle this now? You do your response now.

Minute: I can do this now, it's just that I'm eventually going to have to pull up recordings to disprove a lot of what you've done.

Spoke: There's receipts

Zam: That's okay, can you do some-

Minute: I can do a start now. So what was the first part of the video? You said, um, Foundation was some lie or whatever?

Zam: Publicity stunt. It might have not started out as one, but it did become one.

Ro: I said that you, uh. The Abyss Arc, and the Presidency Arc. The presidency Arc was planned before the Abyss, and there's a screenshot.

Minute: When I say Abyss Arc and Foundation created, you know that was like back in January right, not March where you pulled the screenshot from. How can that be possible? Did I time travel?

Ro: There's screenshots from before the abyss arc, no? When was Abyss arc?

Minute: When the Abyss was created, like January.

Jumper: January 13th.

Bacon: It was before the week of Abyss, before like the Foundation-

Ro: A better landmark would be when was Foundation created?

Minute: Back in January, we have recordings Ro, why are we being so oblivious?

Jumper: January 13th

Zam: But we've had plans for an Election Arc far before um.

Minute: It started back in March, like earliest is March.

Zam: No I said further, before January-

Minute: Well after we founded Foundation was already created and we were knee deep in our goals. Right.

Zam: I'm saying before January, are you hearing me or no?

Minute: You're saying presidency was discussed before January?

Zam: It was!

Ro: I do agree with that. I recall talking about it in an airport, and that was probably traveling over winter break.

Bacon: Let's be real here also. The Foundation was not. When the Foundation was started, Minute was not like immediately active. Minute really locked in for the most part, on the Foundation when it got to like the last month. Which is at the time when-

Minute: That's not true at all, I got active on it the day the Foundation was created. Like I have recordings of this. What is this?

Zam: Did Planet and Ro move the elder guardian on the nether roof or...

Minute: I was right there with them! Hello? Oh Clown's on.

Jumper: You know Minute and I had meetings like every other day, right? Like we had so many meetings outside

Zam: You would know Jumper, you would know.

Jumper: Yeah I would, cause I have recordings of it!

Mapicc: I have something interesting. Minute, I'd like you to go to the announcements page of the discord right now.

Minute: Okay, what's going on?

Mapicc: It's currently 12 right now, we need 14 total. If anybody else, who hasn't voted yet would like to click on the react, you may now do so.

Minute: Did we not just go over this? Why are we trying to change the subject once I started disproving things?

Ro: That's 14.

Mapicc: Click on it. I think that's 14 Minute.

Minute: Okay, so by rule, if that number doesn't change or go below 14 then we'll have a reelection

Wemmbu: Nah nah nah nah nah. That is not what you said in the video.

Ro: You said before session.

Minute: If by before session we have 14 people

Wemmbu: You said before session, it's before session

Minute: Okay wait did we not just go over this right now in vc? like people have time to change their vote hello?

Wemmbu: Yes, for the session.

Minute: What are you saying? you just said people might change their minds or not

Wemmbu: Yes, you can change people's minds for when the, the election at the session.

Mapicc: You try and get reelected

Wemmbu: So now you need to do a reelection on Saturday and you can try to win that election.

Minute: If it stays at 14 yeah.

Wemmbu: No, that was not in the original video. We will quote the video

Minute: Okay okay, so did we not just talk about in VC the number could go up or down? now it's changing now you guys magically have 14?

Mapicc: Oh my God.

Zam: Minute loves twisting narratives afterwards. This is so interesting.

Ro: Minute, listen to me, listen to me. Minute, Minute, Minute, if you're arguing that it shouldn't change then why should it change from what you said in the video?

Wemmbu: Exactly.

Minute: Okay what do you say? Okay wait hold on, I didn't hear you okay what you said-

Ro: And what you said in the video is if I get 14 votes before the session on Saturday.

Minute: Look at the number now what does that mean! What? Oh now it's 15 okay fuck.

Bacon: Okay wait, I have a question, I have a question who added those extra votes? cuz it seemed like it was pretty-

Mapicc: It seemed like it was like-

Zam: Mid Mystic one as well wow,

Mapicc: I'm curious Minute, who added those votes?

Minute: Okay so now so now okay so now you cross the threshold we're going to ignore the whole conversation we just had in vc where you said the number could go up or down?

Leo: I want to say I added my vote because I think it would be kind of cool.

Minute: Oh okay.

Clown: I'm sorry, Minute. I'm not for peace. Ever. So it's just it's just a matter of disagreeing.

Ro: Oh Minute-

Mapicc: Minute, I think we should host a re-election right now. I think you said in the video, before the session-

Minute: That's not, that's not how this thing was supposed to go.

Bacon: You know we can have reelection at the-

Wemmbu: -Saturday. But we're gonna have to have-

RO: -Fine

Mapicc: Minute are you a man of democracy like you stated in all of your pitches, all of your videos? how about we take a vote on whether we should re-elect right now?

Zam: (giggly)Oh

Wemmbu: That's a really good question.

Mapicc: -That do you think of that Minute?

Minute: Can you do a server ping Spoke?

Spoke: Yeah what am I-?

Mapicc: Spoke do a server ping.

Spoke: What am I doing? Hello-

Mapicc: Just ping everyone and be like are you down to revote right now? React yes or no.

Minute: I don't know, it's just-

Wemmbu: We get a majority vote.

Minute: -this, this does feel a little hypocritical Mapicc, I have to, to say this.

Ro: How come? How so?

Mapicc: How come?

Minute: The other- I think it was yesterday, you and I had a, you and I had a, a little chat yesterday Mapicc, you said you said the presidency that I won was unfair because I had a lot of people online that I convinced that was the good guy is this not the same thing but on your end?

Mapicc: Um what if I told you I wasn't running for president.

Minute: You aren't running?

Mapicc: I'm not running.

Ro: He's not running.

Minute: Is someone on your team running?

Mapicc: Everybody react.

Ro: No I'm not running, Zam's not running.

Zam: I'm- I have no plans of running, yeah, uh, no.

Mapicc: Who punched me? That's not cool.

Poafa?: Spepticle.

Leo: I'm gonna run for President!

Mapicc: Uhoh! LeoWook's going to run for president. If you haven't reacted go check announcements now and react.

Leo: One time on my brother's SMP I ran for president and didn't get elected so this, like this, would be like Vengeance for them.

Clown: Oh Redemption, yes.

Leo: Yeah, Redemption.

Zam: Like the LeoWook.

Leo: Yeah.

Mapicc: And, that's that's that's not- that's a ClownPierce drawing okay

Clown: ClownPierce! Sorry, I love that drawing.

Mapicc: If you haven't reacted- There's more than 13 people in the VC so either react yeah or no please. Just so we like, know everybody is like locked in. okay.

Wemmbu: Oh

Mapicc: So Minute it's hit a majority.

Minute: So be it. It's a democracy.

Leo: Oh boy, Minute's no longer President.

Ro: It's time for a reelection

Mapicc: It's time for a reelection.

[th0rns-n-r0ses]

raving about hot men [you dont have to read this]

Hi. I'm just gonna rave about Axl for God knows how long. dude I'm genuinely in love I love every little thing, like seriously, blushing and kicking my feet and giggling. I'm the most dominant and overpowering motherfucker you're gonna meet (not really but that's for perspective) and this man has me on my knees, I seriously just need him like what. Okay so his hair looks so soft and fluffy and I wanna bury my face in it and breathe in and smell it and run my hands in it. I would brush it and wash it for him like no joke I would give him the best hair care you've ever fuckin' seen. As for eyes, oh my God, those eyes are so pretty and perfect, I just find myself lost in them. Sometimes in lil clips and recordings I see, his eyes just sparkle and shine and ohmygod it's so pretty I can't even. His nose, I don't have much to say on, but Jesus fucking Christ it's perfect. Shape, size, everything I'm so jealous. I hate my nose and his is so perfect, I just wanna steal it (that sounds so weird help). HIS SMILE IS SO CUTE I ALWAYS LOSE MY MIND OVER IT I'M NOT JOKING AARRGGGHHHHHHH IT'S SO INFECTIOUS LIKE I SMILE SO HARD WHEN I SEE THAT SMILE I'M JUST WHYS HE SO YES DUDE WHY WHY WHY THIS ISN'T FAIIIIRRRRRR. And his build. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I want him to just overpower me like I'm I'm only 2 inches shorter than him but he can overpower me whenever he wants to. He's so strong looking and I feel like his thighs would be such a nice pillow. Oh my God literally imagine, laying your head on his lap while he smiles down at you and plays with your hair!? I would lose my MIND. I would be a damned puddle if that happened, I'd be red as strawberries. And oh my god his laugh. I'm. I'm. I'm. His voice is so warm and cute and I just want to kiss his lips and on the tip of his nose and give him a huge hug and give him the love and care he deserves (fuck you Stephanie Seymour). anyway sorry if you read that im ugh i need his arms around me so bad dude

[dailydemonspotlight]

Attis - Day 57

Race: Kishin

Arcana: Hanged Man

Alignment: Light-Neutral

June 18th, 2024

It's odd that this is the first figure from Greek Mythology I'm covering, given how widespread it is throughout the series, honestly, but I'm not complaining. Something that I have to give SMT a lot of props for is how it goes into far more obscure things from mythology- sure, you've got your Thoth's, your Odin's, your Shiva's, and your Baphomets, but something this series does a lot that I adore is that it creates demons for some of the most obscure figures out there. Sure, it makes researching them difficult (a la Porewit) but the spotlights (heh) that this series shines on otherwise obscure figures is fantastic. Case in point, today's Demon of the Day, Attis.

While everyone knows the Greek pantheon, there are so many lesser gods in the sprawling labyrinth of Greek mythology, gods worshipped by obscure cults or left in the tradewinds of history. Attis, of course, was one of these gods, but he also had another reason- he was from a completely different mythological origin. In Phrygian myth, the archetypical 'Mother Nature' was a character named 'Cybele,' who has her own tonnes of myths to tell. However, when the Greeks began to subsume into the rest of the Phrygian people, she was met with a mixed response. Some took her to become a new form of Gaia, the Greek goddess of nature, while others took off and painted her as an exotic goddess whose meaning couldn't be known. Now, what does this have to do with Attis? He was her consort.

The tales surrounding Attis are, and I cannot stress this enough, insane. Everything happens in them from weird amounts of hatred towards an intersex prophetic child, to a cycle of life and rebirth, and I'm a bit scared of going into it, but... okay. Let's do this. Recanted in Catullus 63, the first recorded tale of Attis begins with, and I'm not kidding, him castrating himself. Right off the bat. Yup, this is one of those stories. And I quote,

Over the vast main borne by swift-sailing ship, Attis, as with hasty hurried foot he reached the Phrygian wood and gained the tree-girt gloomy sanctuary of the Goddess, there roused by rabid rage and mind astray, with sharp-edged flint downwards dashed his burden of virility. Then as he felt his limbs were left without their manhood, and the fresh-spilt blood staining the soil, [text]

We just got here! Okay, okay, I'll continue. The story goes on to describe the aftereffects, and the motivation for this sudden castration, that being a fanatical obsession with the nature goddess, Cybele. After he awakens in likely the world's first (and worst) hangover, he looks out and bemoans his fate, having been left behind by his companions who had already run to pursue the goddess. However, from what I can tell of this story, given the confusing wording, the goddess grants the man permission to drive one of her nuns to 'his allegiance.' I can assume this means someone in his home kingdom, but I'm not very sure? It might be referring to the goddess herself. My lack of knowledge in ye olden terms has made this a headache and a half. Later in the story, after his self-mutilation led to his death, he would later be revived by Cybele, becoming her consort.

A later addition expands on this, giving light to Attis' birth- in the story regarding it, it begins with, as always, Zeus being Zeus. In the tale, he fell in love with Cybele, who didn't return his advances, but... of course, with him being himself, he forced himself on her. Her child would later be reared, a deity called Agdistis who was notable for being a hermaphrodite, essentially 'male and female.' For whatever reason, the gods got terrified of how particularly powerful they were, and proceeded to... castrate Agdistis. What the fuck is with the castration?! Jesus Christ! From the blood left behind, an almond tree spurted forth, and a nearby woman named Nana would decide to take an almond and put it in her bosom. Okay. This led to her getting pregnant. Okay. Later on, she would give birth to the newborn Attis, before promptly throwing the kid out into the nature, to which he was soon raised by a goat. Oh kay.

A lot of stuff relating to Attis has been lost to time, especially given that he was only really worshipped in, you guessed it, cults. Originally, separated from the Greek mythology he would later be co-opted into, a cult formed surrounding him in 1250 BCE, in-and-around an area of modern-day Turkey called, and I kid you not, Dindymon. Originally worshipped as a semi-deity in the area, he would later become slowly integrated into Greek mythology as several Greek cults began to form surrounding Attis around the fourth century BCE. In Phrygian culture, later adapted into Greek, Attis was a deity who represented vegetation and the cycle of fruits- particularly, the castration story (yes, again) represented the idea of fruits dying in the winter then coming back in the spring; the date of Attis's revival, that being the spring equinox, is no coincidence. Frankly, though, as pretty as this concept is, the absurd amount of castration in his stories is just... Why? Why are you like this, Greek Mythology?

Okay, now with all of that over with, how is he portrayed in the series? I honestly really like his design. The bandages and the blade make him look rather unique, and I really do enjoy just how bizarre he looks. Wait, but is the reason why his legs are separated from his body...

No.

You have got to be fucking KIDDING ME.

IT'S CASTRATION AGAI

[sauntervaguelydown]

so obviously part of the problem with writing combat in Naruto fic is that a significant percentage of what happens is driven by Rule of Cool. And when we do get solid world building to structure the magic on, sometimes it doesn't line up with earlier things that were driven by Rule of Cool. Kishimono has a flawless sense of what the audience wants to see/what he can get away with. But, again, a not insignificant portion is sleight of hand.

Take for example: clone jutsu.

this is THE thing Naruto struggles with in his introductory episode. He can't do it, he makes shitty little clones that look like they are dying of the flu and then poof immediately. But, at the same time, what's his signature bullshit prank? He can transform himself into a sexy naked adult woman with absolutely no issue. (by the way, jesus christ. i'm taking him to a therapist.)

so, hey, what the fuck? How is henge less difficult for him than clone jutsu? You would think that the amount of juice it takes to transform your whole body, making it taller and shaped different, would be at least the amount of juice it takes to make a copy of yourself. Ah, but juice has never been Naruto's problem. he's got more juice than an OJ factory.

What do we know he's got trouble with, consistently? Precise, fine chakra control.

For the record, the other way you can look at this is as an ADHD issue. Maybe making clones is boring and hard to focus on, but making himself into a sexy adult woman got him in a hyperfixation grip. It's possible! The only issue here is that we know he can brute force his way through learning things when they matter to him, because he figures out shadow clone jutsu in a day. And there's just no way that graduating the academy wasn't important enough to him to focus on.

Anyway. Chakra control. How come Naruto is able to make Super Advanced Level shadow clones, but struggled so much to make one measly Basic Level Clone? Well. Rule of cool. But I want there to be a better reason, so I'm looking.

One thing we know canonically about shadow clones is that normally to make one, you divide your own chakra in half and distribute it evenly. Every time you make an additional clone, you're dividing your reserves equally among yourselves. Thus, shadow clones can do everything a real person can do, including cast their own spells. People who aren't Naruto generally only make one at a time, because it's costly. A regular clone, by contrast, most likely requires nothing. It's closer to an illusion, I think.

It's entirely possible that the mechanics of making a basic clone and the mechanics of making a shadow clone are different. As a student exercise for children, it can't be that resource intensive. I'd venture to suggest it probably involves more skill in precise manipulation to create an illusion, since early on genjutsu are associated with people like Sakura who have talent for fine chakra control. How this actually works is beyond me, but I can reasonably believe that there's an equation that looks something like "you can trade power expended for precise control to get similar results".

We never see anyone make a regular clone outside of the academy, I don't think. All the jonin adults use either shadow clones or an equivalent element-based clone that functions the same way. We DO see Naruto use transformation a few more times in combat. Like when he turns himself into a giant shuriken?? hey what the fuck. Can everybody do that??? I'm struggling to think of anyone but Naruto who uses henge like that.

If there's something Naruto can do that other people can't, it almost always comes down to chakra reserves. I'd venture to say that applies to transformation as well.

Okay that's all I got, I don't feel like I accomplished much but there it is.