#for right now it's bedtime and also I ate dinner too fast so now my tummy is mad at me and I have to deal with that

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 4, day 16, lightened up the foreground so Frey and the campfire don't blend into the night around them so much. I'm having a lot of fun playing with blend modes to get the firelight effect going on :D

I still haven't started a new file and taken reference shots of Cuff so I can get him more accurate, but that's okay. He still looks quite handsome, accurate or no 💜

[frlinbruh]

Secrets are better said

• little! Chris x little!nate x cg!fem!reader

• a/n : age regressing is NON SEXUAL

“Chris you thirsty little man?” I asked from the kitchen, “Owange juice please mama” he called out, rolling the toy car infront of him, Nate looked at the car longingly, asif he wanted to be treated little like Chris.

Nate had never expressed to anyone that he might be and ager, but after being a CG for so long I know the signs of a little.

“Nate come to the kitchen please” I asked him, wanting to figure it out “umhm?” He hummed waking in “you know anyyyone can be a ager right?” I asked noticing his face turn red “Nate if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, but are you an ager?” I asked “I don’t know, I think so but then even if I did I have no one to take care of me like you take care of Chris” he explained “do you want me to be your care giver?” I asked, he shyly nodded.

“Do you wanna play cars with Chris?” I asked and he nodded “yes ‘lease” I heard a little voice creep into his sentence “go play then” I said grabbing a second silly straw cup out of the the cupboard, filling them both with juice.

“Chris bud, I think you’ve got a new play date buddy” I told him setting the juices down “huh?” He asked looking up at me.

“Nate is also a little boy” I told him, he turned to look at Nate who was stood sheepishly in the corner, still not daring to play “ooo you play with me?” He asked Nate who looked at me for approval “go on bud” I nodded towards the race track in the floor, he hurried over to it.

Time skip:

“Nate do you want to have a sleepover with chris?” I asked noticing it was almost dinner time “‘lease?” He asked “okay” I nodded.

“Okay bud what do you want for dinner?” I asked Chris who was now playing with his ninja turtles “umm Mac cheese?” He asked, I nodded looking at Nate “what do you want for dinner little man?” I asked “me have Mac cheese also?” He asked and I hummed, making my way to the kitchen.

I plated up the pasta, setting it down on the counter calling the boys over to eat.

Whilst they ate I went to the guest room to set it up for the boys to have a sleepover in, pulling the 2 beds apart from a king size to two doubles, putting blue sheets on them both.

I made my way back downstairs to see they had both finished their food and were now sat at the dinner table, empty plates and cups infront of them. I cleaned up before walking back to the table.

“Okay, comeon let’s go get some pijamas on” I told them both, walking toward the stairs the two boys following me.

“Okay pick a pair please hon” I told Chris, he picked Batman pijama bottoms and a black top, “you too bud come pick a pair” I called Nate over, who picked Spider-Man bottoms and asked to not have a top, I agreed as it was warm today.

“Okay come on guys let’s brush our teeth” I said opening the bathroom door and turning the light on.

I realised Nate didn’t have a toothbrush, I grabbed a new one for him from under the sink, wetting it before putting toothpaste on it and handing it to him, doing the same with Chris.

“Good boys, sleepy-bo-bos (bedtime) now” I said as they both ran up to the beds, picking one each.

“Okay pick something to sleep to” I told them turning on the tv, they decided on cars the movie, both falling asleep 10 minutes in.

I went downstairs, cleaning a way the toys that were left behind before going back upstairs to get changed into my pijamas and got into bed. I was scrolling on my phone when I heard a knock kn my door. “Come in” I called out, it was Nate “you okay?” I asked noticing his red eyes and teary cheeks “ thank u for being my mama” he said running up to hug me, “you wanna go get Chris and you two can stay in here with me tonight?” I asked to which he nodded, running back I ur to get Chris.

They both snuggled into the bed next to me, I turned the tv on, playing cars again. And they were fast back off to sleep.

—————

- I’ve never done an age regression fic before so sorry if it’s really bad guys!!

- destiney luvs ya, mwah 😘 xx

[littledrummeraussie]

It’s still the 20th in my timezone so I wanted to give my request a try: 😍 - it’s so cliche but I’d like to read smth. With being roommates with Ashton (maybe the reader also works in the music industry like his real roommate) and the reader slowly realises that they are in love with him.

1. Ashton overstimulating youu🤤🍭 but like not as a punishment more as a “exploring” and like al the praise he would give uuuu🤤🔥 

2. Ash using a shower head on you?🔥🔥🔥 or maybe he holds ur legs open with his own legs and uses a vibrator to overstimulate you🤤🤤🤤🔥 

3. @ashtondaddy90  Congratulations! You deserve all the followers you got. Your fanfic are all amazing 🍭 with dom! Ashton

When I asked where should we go next with the 1K Celebration prompts Blanca @notinthesameguey simply said that we should combine them. So this is entierly her fault. Thank you Blanca.

I didn’t exactly follow the prompts, but I hope you will still enjoy Ashton and his roommate having feelings for each other, resolving the tension with some naughty sex in the end.

1K celebration masterlist

- - - - -

“Rise and shine!”

“Fuck off,” you laughed into your pillow, burrowing under the blankets as Ashton opened the curtains in your bedroom. “It’s too early for your bullshit.”

“It’s 9 AM and you’ve already missed breakfast,” he climbed over your bed, tugging the sheets down before taking the pillow out of your hands. “No pillow fights, you know I’m right.”

“Didn’t plan on it,” you chuckled and Ashton lovingly rolled his eyes, already knowing that you definitely thought about hitting him with your pillow.

“Coffee’s waiting for you downstairs,” he leaned over and combed the hair back from your face before kissing your cheek. “I need to run some errands, do you need anything?”

“5 more minutes of sleep,” you closed your eyes, giving a light push to his shoulder to give you more space.

“You’re unbelievable,” he huffed with a laugh before scooting off the bed. “Why do I even let you live here?”

“Because I pay rent, not like Calum,” you gave him a sleepy wink, and Ashton laughed again, clicking his tongue.

“True. Alright, call me if you need anything.”

“A new roommate!”

*

It all happened after your previous roommate got a boyfriend for herself and you quickly needed to find a place when they’ve decided to move out and into their new shared home. Ashton’s offer came in the form of a surprise call while you were packing up your stuff. The two of you previously worked on a few small projects and he told you that he had a spare room you could use as long as you needed it. He even helped you transport all your things across town and made you feel right at home in his own house.

You’ve spent the evening catching up on the last few months as you ate takeout and drank cool ciders, setting some ground rules for your new living conditions. Ashton pressed a kiss on the top of your head before he went to bed, making your face heat up. You’ve told yourself that the feeling will pass; after all it was just a friendly gesture from him – he was your new roommate, nothing more.

The first few weeks were spent working out how the two of you could actually live together without being in each other’s space all the time, but you both found that you didn’t mind the other’s presence while you were working. It was way much simpler than you’ve thought it would be, and by the next month you were already working on another project together in your spare time. You’ve felt a strange domestic bliss settle over the two of you as you’ve cooked dinner and washed the dishes, talking about ideas while you ran errands or when you’ve watched TV before bedtime. Ashton seemed like the perfect boyfriend material and you needed to tell yourself to keep your thoughts PG when it came to him. You didn’t want to wake up one morning to awkward conversations about your night activities.

This thought lasted until you started to realize how comfortable the two of you became with each other. Ashton didn’t mind taking off his shirt during the day if it got too hot for him, and most mornings you’ve found him in the kitchen only in his boxers, tan skin and muscles all on display as he made coffee. His smile was always bright and flirty, and on many occasions you felt your panties slightly sticking to your skin by the time you’ve finished your breakfast. He let you borrow his hoodies, still warm from his body with his scent lingering on the fabric, and you felt dizzy whenever you’ve thought about burying your nose in his neck just to really feel him. You slowly started to realize that you had it bad for Ashton – and that you couldn’t help yourself, even if you’ve tried your hardest.

*

It happened during one of those nights when Ash was out with the guys and you spent the majority of your time alone, sipping on a glass of wine and enjoying a hot bath. You were a bit tipsy as you found your way back to your room, ready to turn in for the night and have a long sleep before he woke you up again at the crack of dawn. As you passed Ashton’s bedroom you stopped – the door was left ajar and you peeked inside with a giggle. You’ve been in there plenty of times before, but there was something exciting about looking inside while he wasn’t there. You caught sight of a discarded black shirt on the floor and you had a feeling Ashton kicked it under the bed in a hurry as he was getting ready.

A blush crawled up your neck at the thought of stealing it, and before you knew it you slipped inside, reaching down and bringing the shirt up to your nose, inhaling his citrusy scent that mixed with the smell of sweat and the fabric softener he used. You hugged it to your chest as you made your way back to your room, locking the door before letting the towel fall on the floor, and in seconds you pulled the shirt over your head, pretending it was an actual hug from Ashton. You lay back against the pillows as you buried your nose in the collar of the shirt, a small moan leaving your lips as you clenched your thighs together, a familiar throbbing taking over you. God, you wanted him so bad.

Your nipples hardened under the fabric as you thought about all those times he ran around the house only in his sweatpants, shirt forgotten next to his drum kit after practice, water drops clinging to his skin before running down on his back, soaking the towel riding low on his hips. A hand slipped between your thighs, fingertips teasing your slit as you thought about Ashton’s fingers drumming on the counter or brushing a lock of hair behind your ear, his touch always soft and careful, and more than anything you wished you could feel that touch on your skin right now. You imagined what those long fingers could do to you, all the places they could reach to make you see stars, and you threw your head back as you slowly eased a finger inside.

In your fantasy hazel eyes stared up at you as Ashton slowly moved his finger in and out, a grin pulling at his full lips as he told you how beautiful you looked. Before you knew it a second finger joined the first to stretch you, and you whined as you thought about Ashton doing the same to you, preparing you for his cock. Your other hand slipped down to rub your clit, pretending it was his lips and tongue chasing you towards your pleasure. You let your sounds spill out of you, moans and whines mixed with words begging for something more as you let your fingers bring you to your next orgasm, already working towards the third, not caring about how sensitive you were.

*

What you didn’t know was how the door opened downstairs, Ashton quietly locking it, not wanting to wake you as he figured you’ve already gone to bed. He toed off his shoes and made his way up the stairs, but stopped when he heard moans from behind your door. Ashton held his breath as he listened to the sounds, face hot and cock stirring in his pants as he realized what you were doing. He wished your door was open just a crack.

Maybe he should have been ashamed as he let his fingers curl around the hard-on straining against his jeans but he couldn’t help himself. He’s been doing his best to keep you out of those kinds of thoughts, even though the final image crossing his mind before coming was always one of you. Ashton didn’t want to ruin your friendship and your current living arrangements, but he felt like you’ve put a spell on him all those years ago when you two started working together. He wished that he could figure you out, to find out if the thoughts and feelings he had towards you would be reciprocated if he ever had the courage to just come clean about them.

And God knows he tried to gauge your reaction after the first few weeks you’ve spent together as roommates. There was a reason he forgot to put on clothes in the morning, pattering around the kitchen only in his boxers as you came down for coffee. He was always careful with your conversations, using certain words and themes that would tell him if you would be open for something more between the two of you. Ashton felt a spark of hope whenever he caught you in one of his shirts or hoodies, or those times you fell asleep with your head in his lap – there was something in the air, he was sure about that. You were way too comfortable with each other just to be friends. He just needed to be sure it wasn’t just unresolved sexual tension, but maybe something deeper.

His pants were already hanging open, rubbing his cock through his boxers as he listened to your moans and whimpers, tightening his fist around himself every time he heard you riding out your next orgasm. He was rock hard and leaking precum, soaking the fabric of his boxers as he quickened his pace, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip to keep his own sounds at bay. This was the first time Ashton really let himself think about you like that – naked and writhing on your bed, fingers curling around his biceps or into his hair as he kissed and sucked your neck, leaving his marks on your skin as he took you hard and fast. He wished he could be the one drawing those sounds out of you, making your thighs shake and your body tremble as he made you come again and again.

A high-pitched moan echoed around the house and it took only a few more strokes for Ashton to reach his own orgasm, his sounds muffled by a hand over his mouth. With his back against the wall he gave himself a few seconds to catch his breath before scrambling back to his room. His face felt hot, hair sticking to his forehead as he shrugged off his shirt and jeans, his boxers a mess from his pleasure. He wiped himself before throwing his clothes into the hamper, crawling under his sheets as he tried to wrap his mind around what just happened. Ashton was ready to feel shame, to feel like he had violated your privacy which was one of the ground rules between the two of you – but he only felt the wild thumping of his heart and the pleasure still buzzing through him.

It might have been the first time he heard you through the walls – but it wasn’t the last.

*

From that point on it felt like a game that none of you wanted to really acknowledge you were playing. Some days it was you wearing only a shirt and a short with no underwear on as you’ve made breakfast, wanting to know if the sight would make Ashton finally tick. Other times it was him leaving the bathroom door open just a crack as he took a shower in the morning, his voice dangerously close to a moan while humming to himself. It was flirty remarks with double meanings, sentences cut short as they would give away too much, and touches that lingered on too long on knees and shoulders. It was Ashton leaving his shirts all over the place that you would pick up later and steal to sleep in them, always making sure to put them in the hamper before he caught you. Whenever you thought he was already asleep you’ve let your mind and hands wander, not knowing how he listened to your pleasure as he tried his hardest not to go over to your room and take you right then and there. Both of you wanted the same thing – you were just scared to take the necessary steps, not wanting to face the possibility that maybe you have misunderstood something.

*

Ashton’s been acting strange for weeks, and you started to feel like you may have done something that made him close himself in his office, spending hours on his phone and leaving the house for long periods of time. Then another thought crossed your mind, one that made you want to move out of the house immediately. If Ashton found someone for himself then you didn’t want things to be awkward for any of you – you’ve already spent a good chunk of your year living with him, maybe it was time to finally find your next home somewhere else where you wouldn’t be a third wheel. Again.

But before you could approach him with the question you were dragged away for a quick road trip by your friends, and at least for two days you were able to forget about your feelings and thoughts that all circled around him. The house seemed dark and empty when they’ve dropped you off at home, and you almost asked your girls to let you crash at one of their places as you were sure Ashton was out and most definitely with his mysterious new girlfriend, but they’ve already left the scene, making you look for your keys to enter the house.

What you didn’t expect was the lights turning on the moment you’ve stepped inside, familiar faces cheering and shouting ‘happy birthday’ at you as Ashton tackled you from his place next to the door, hugging you as he bellowed ‘surprise!’, making the both of you giggle. You quickly found out that he’s been organizing your party for weeks now, going out of his way to make it perfect, calling up all of your friends and looking for volunteers to help him get you out of the house until everything was prepared. By the time your road trip team arrived back to the house you were already changed out of your travel clothes, sipping on a glass of champagne and hugging Ashton, thanking him again and again for the amazing surprise.

His smile was wide, eyes sparkling as he pulled you to his chest to dance with him, and for a moment you’ve wished the two of you would be alone so you could kiss him senseless, properly thanking him for all the work he has done. You let your head rest on his shoulder, getting lost in his scent and how he held you, and he pressed a kiss on your temple before announcing that it was time for some birthday cake. You ended up with frosting all over your face, smearing some of it on Ashton and Calum’s cheek before continuing the party which lasted well past midnight.

Ashton wrapped his arm around your waist as he helped you upstairs, both of your tipsy giggles echoing around the house. Most of your friends have already left, but a few were passed out on the couch and fast asleep in the armchairs. He made sure you were put into bed safe and sound, wishing you a happy birthday once again as he closed the door behind himself. Ash stopped before going to his room, thinking about how he wanted to kiss you goodnight, how he wanted to press his lips against yours as one last present for your special day. He shook his head, telling himself that he needed to be sober before making decisions like this, and went to his room to sleep of his drunken haze – confessions can wait a few more hours.

*

Your eyes opened as you felt the mattress dip next to you, expecting to see Ashton with a cup of coffee, but only finding one of your guy friends asking if you wanted him to stick around and help you clean up after yesterday’s birthday party. You gave him a smile, telling him that he can definitely go home; you and Ashton will deal with the rest once you have woken up. He gave you a hug before leaving your room and in a minute you’ve heard the front door closing, signalling his departure.

You peeled yourself out of bed, throwing on an oversized shirt as you made your way downstairs, ready to see what needed to be done. The first step was definitely coffee, and as you waited for it you started to clean up the plastic cups and plates, collecting and throwing them into a bag. A song from last night got stuck in your head, something you have danced to with Ashton, and you bit your lip as you thought of his warm body wrapped up with yours. You hummed to yourself as you reached for two mugs, deciding that you will be the one bringing coffee for Ashton this morning – and who knows, maybe he will invite you to join him in his bed.

“What, is he gone already?”

Ashton’s gruff voice took you by surprise, and you spun around to face him, unsure of what he’s referring to. He was leaning against the wall, hair sleep mussed and arms crossed over his chest, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked you over.

“I don’t follow,” you shook your head, suddenly feeling small under his stare, and he just huffed.

“Right, cause Greg didn’t just leave your room this morning,” he rolled his eyes, voice full of venom as he spit the name out. “Stop playing around.”

“Well, if you need to know, then yes,” you crossed your arms as well, mirroring him. “He did come in before he left. What, am I not allowed to have friends over, especially ones you have invited? And anyway, are you spying on me?”

“Guess you got what you’ve craved? Did he finally fuck you?” he took a step forward, now towering above you. “I remember you telling me you had a crush on him.”

“Geez, Ash, what is up with you?” you looked at him in disbelief. “That was years ago, why would you bring that up now? And God no! No, he just came to ask if he could help me clean up.”

“Well, then where is he?” he quirked an eyebrow. “Doesn’t seem like he’s into the whole housework thing.”

“I’ve told him we can clean up just fine. You and I. Didn’t want him to get under our feet.”

“Yes, but did he get under something else?” Ashton’s fingers curled into the hem of your shirt, eyes on fire as he tugged you closer. “Maybe he did clean you up…”

“Okay, stop that right now,” you pushed Ashton away, annoyed with his nonsense. “I don’t know what kind of weird stuff you’re talking about or why is this sudden interest in my sex life, and definitely don’t understand this… possessive jealous act. Coffee’s on the counter. Find me when you’ve cooled down.”

You’ve stepped around Ashton, ready to go back upstairs and curl up in your room, trying to make sense of his unexpected mood swings and strange words but you were suddenly pulled back by your shirt and before you knew it you were pushed up against the wall, Ashton pinning you there with his body.

“Stop,” he breathed heavily, fingers curling around your wrists before pulling them above your head. “You stay right here.”

“Or what?” you tilted your head up, looking into his eyes. “You revoke my roommate card?”

“No, I wouldn’t do that,” he shook his head before quickly licking his lips. “But I might make you pay your rent in a different way…”

“Fuck it, I’m done with this,” you huffed as you tugged your hands free from his grasp just to curl your fingers around his jaw, pulling him close and crashing your lips together.

Ashton moaned in your mouth, arms sliding around your waist to pull you closer to him, hands resting on the top of your ass. After months of letting the tension build between the two of you it finally broke, and you let yourself curl into Ashton’s embrace as his tongue licked against your lips, pushing it in to kiss you deeper. You were up on your tiptoes as your hands slid down to his shoulders and over his bare chest, tickling his sides before settling on the sweatpants riding low on his hips, fingertips pushing under the fabric. He chuckled against your lips before taking your wrists again and pulling them back between your bodies.

“Cute,” his tone was playful, voice just above a whisper. “But I have other ideas.”

Before you could ask him what he meant Ashton has already turned you around, pushing you up against the wall again, his body melting against your back. A moan slipped out of you as you felt his hardening cock on your ass, his lips skimming on the back of your neck, teeth lightly nibbling on your skin. He pressed a kiss against your ear, his hot breath making you shiver.

“You sound even more beautiful like this. Not muffled by doors and walls and the hallway.”

“Ash–” his name got stuck in your throat when you felt your skin turn hot as you realized what he was talking about. “Fuck!”

“You want me to do that? Fuck you like I’ve wanted to for months?” he rutted his cock against your ass, and you’ve tried to push back to feel more of him.

“Yes! Please Ashton, just… please… wanted you for so long,” you practically begged him to take you right then and there, and you heard him groan against your neck.

One of his hands slid up your chest to cup your breast over your shirt while the other stroked over your inner thigh, palm curling against your heat. Your panties were already soaked and Ashton let out a satisfied hum as he pushed his fingers under the fabric, drawing slow, soft circles around your clit.

“Do your fingers feel this good?” he nipped at your ear, and you shook your head while trying to move your hips to get more friction. “You sure seemed to like them… sometimes it felt like you’ve been fucking yourself for hours…”

“Been thinking about you… how your fingers would feel inside me…” you licked your lips, hands slipping against the wall as you moved back against him. “How you would feel inside me…”

“Why don’t we find out?” his hand tugged your panties to the side, middle finger running through your wet folds until it circled around your entrance, slowly pushing inside. “Better than your own?”

“I can take much more,” you let out a giggle which immediately turned into a moan as Ashton quickly pushed in another finger. “Fuck, that’s good.”

“Let’s see how much more you can take, pretty girl.”

His fingers started moving in and out of you, quickly finding that sweet spot inside you that made your legs shake and your breaths hitching. His name on your lips mixed with moans and whimpers and fucks as his thumb dragged against your clit, never missing a beat as he pleasured you. One of your hands reached for his, and he interlocked your fingers, holding you close to his body with both of your arms around your middle. Your head was thrown back against his chest, his lips kissing your forehead and murmuring praises as he worked you toward an orgasm.

“Wanna see you cum for me,” Ashton picked up the pace of his fingers and you felt the unmistakable clenching of your walls around them. “Show me how you look when you think of me, baby. Cum on my fingers like you’ve imagined.”

“Ashton, fuck! I’m close…” you whined against his neck, and you felt his thumb rub your clit even harder. “Ash–”

In that moment you’ve chocked on your next moan, your whole body trembling against his as pleasure filled you from head to the tip of your toes. His fingers didn’t let up their work as you clenched around them, making you see stars as another smaller shock ran through your body. You leaned against the wall to collect yourself, moaning as you felt Ashton move right behind you, his fingers still deep in your pussy, slowing down their pace but never pulling out.

“Sensitive…” you whimpered when he swiped his thumb over your swollen clit, your hand reaching for his between your legs to make him pull out.

“Oh no, I wasn’t done with you yet…” he pushed your hand back against the wall with his free one, still lightly stroking in and out of you.

“Fuck, I can’t…” you whined between moans, and he clicked his tongue before kissing your ear, hot words whispered against your skin.

“You seemed to like having multiple orgasms during your play times,” he tugged on your earlobe with his teeth before kissing your jaw. “So this is for all those times I’ve heard you getting off in your room and not being able to do anything about it.”

And with that his fingers picked up the pace again, rubbing and stroking and fucking you, not caring how sensitive you were from your previous orgasm. Your vision blurred, toes curling against the tiles as you felt the next rush of pleasure shaking your body, making Ashton push his cock even more against you while letting you ride out your climax on his fingers.

Your ears were ringing, breasts heaving as you’ve tried to catch your breath while Ashton slowly eased his fingers out of you, holding onto your hips to keep you upright. He pressed a kiss against your neck, tugging on the collar of the shirt to feel more of your skin, teeth lightly biting you, leaving the smallest of marks on your shoulder before he turned you around, making you lean back against the wall. You gave him the smallest of pouts and he chuckled, pressing his lips against yours, softly kissing you while your fingers curled into his hair at the nape of his neck, and his into the side of your panties, tugging them down your legs. Before you knew it he was already on his knees, pushing your shirt up to kiss your stomach, making his way down.

“You can’t be fucking serious…” you clutched at his hair as he pressed his lips lower, nose nudging at your bellybutton.

“Don’t say you didn’t think about me like this,” he looked up at you, hazel eyes sparking with mischief as he licked between your folds, tongue slowly swirling around your clit.

“More times than I could tell,” you tugged on his dark hair, not sure if you wanted him to stop or keep going.

Ashton hummed as he licked you again, fingers running down your thigh before his fingers curled around the back of your knee, pulling your leg over his shoulder. He dived back in, lips and tongue licking and sucking at your pussy, practically making out with it as you moaned and trashed above him. He switched between long strokes and teasing circles around your hole, lips closing around your clit as his fingers slipped back inside you. It was too much and not enough at the same time, and you pulled on his hair as he brought you to your third orgasm. You felt your thighs shake as he put your leg back on the floor, and he quickly stood up to wrap you in his arms, not wanting you to fall over.

“You’re killing me,” you panted against his neck as Ashton squeezed your hips, suddenly picking you up and making his way towards the living room.

“And I’m still not done with you. You’ve been a tease for months, it’s time to give you what you really deserve,” in seconds he pushed you down on the couch, climbing over you before crashing his lips against yours.

There was nothing slow or soft about his moves now, he was a man on a mission as he tugged off your shirt, lips closing around your nipple while he thumbed the other, making them harder and even more sensitive than before. You would have pressed your thighs together if he wasn’t between them, so instead you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer like that. A chuckle left his lips as he pulled back, kneeling up on the couch and looking over your body. Heat crawled up your neck under his gaze, your body on fire, your mind hazy, the only thing you were sure about was that you wanted Ashton right now.

He must have felt the same about you as he quickly got up to kick off his sweatpants, his cock hard and curling against his stomach as he climbed back over you, letting you wrap your hand around his length as he kissed you again. You moaned into each other’s mouths, clearly done with your teasing now, and just wanting to feel what it was like when you let your feelings take over. Ashton pulled your legs back around his waist, elbows resting next to your head as his fingers curled into your hair, knocking his forehead against yours. His eyes were dark and full of something you haven’t seen before, but you found that you wanted to see it again and again. You tilted your head up, brushing your lips against his while guiding his cock against your hole, sighing as he finally pushed in.

Ashton took you with one smooth thrust, his groans filling your ears as he felt your heat wrap around him. He rested his hips against yours only for a second before he started moving, lips latching onto your neck to suck a mark into your skin.

“Fuck, Ash, I won’t last…” you whimpered as his cock hit your sweet spot again and again, your fingers leaving small crescent marks on his biceps as you held onto him.

“Cum again, baby,” he pushed his lips against yours, hips quickly snapping into you. “Cum again and make me cum with you. Show me what I’ve been missing by not fucking you sooner.”

His words triggered your orgasm, your whines muffled against his shoulder as you shook under him, your walls clenching around his cock like you wanted him to stay in you forever. Ashton groaned as he pounded into you a few more times, then suddenly his body tensed above you, his cock buried deep inside your pussy as his cum filled you up. He pressed chaste kisses on your cheek and lips before pulling out of you and you whined at the loss of his body heat. He shushed you, his voice sweet as he told you he will be back in a second, and then you’ve lost sight of him.

You were pretty sure you have blacked out for some time from the intense orgasms you just had because the next thing you knew was Ashton in his sweatpants, a washcloth in his hand as he softly cleaned you up. He helped you back in your shirt, rubbing his nose against yours as he said something about how you have to be careful before standing up. You clearly didn’t listen to him because the next time he came back you were already lying on the floor, giggling about how clumsy you are. Ashton shook his head before kneeling down next to you, reaching for a pillow to put it under your head, and when he was done, he crawled over you, slowly resting his body against yours, his head on your breasts.

“This was… something…” you let your fingers run through his hair, and he nodded, burrowing closer to you.

“Y/N?” he slowly looked up at you, eyes back to their soft hazel colour, and you felt your heart beating just a little quicker than before.

“Yeah?” you bit your lip, suddenly unsure of what Ashton’s next words would be.

“I guess I do need to ask you to stop being my roommate,” he pushed himself up and over you, resting his weight on his arms next to your head.

“I– uhm… I mean, of course, it’s your house and…” you started babbling, but Ashton quickly shook his head, a smile pulling at his lips.

“No, God no!” he leaned forward to press his lips against yours, silencing you with a kiss. “Silly girl. No, I want you to move out of the guest bedroom and into mine. Can’t have you moaning my name across the hallway when you could do it in my bed instead.”

“Ashton Irwin, you’re the most terrible roommate ever,” you huffed out a laugh, your cheeks hot from your blush and his kiss. “You really want me to…”

“Yes. A 100% yes. I would have offered months ago, but I… guess I wasn’t sure about where we stood…” he confessed, knocking his forehead against yours while he rubbed your nose with his. “Didn’t want to ruin our friendship because I started to have feelings for you.”

“Better late than never, I guess,” you cupped his face in your palms, thumbs rubbing his cheeks lovingly. “Did you really get jealous of Greg?”

“God, he ticked me off, didn’t he?” he moaned, face heating up from the memory. “I saw him leaving your room, but didn’t remember seeing him going in, and then you were only wearing a shirt and those panties and I just… I had this thought last night how I want to finally kiss you and tell you how I feel, and then he was there and I’ve thought…”

“There’s only you, Ash,” now it was your turn to press your lips against his. “Don’t need anyone else when I have the best roommate/creative partner/body pillow/shirt supplier/chef/party planner/possible boyfriend all in one package.”

“Would definitely love to be the boyfriend,” he chuckled, fingers tangling into your hair.

“Guess I could upgrade my roommate membership to girlfriend too?” you quirked an eyebrow at him and Ashton started giggling, nuzzling close again.

“For you it’s entirely free, sweetheart.”

- - - - -

taglist.

@mymindwide @loveroflrh @sadistmichael @notinthesameguey @babylonashton @talkfastromance4 @dead-and-golden @fuckyeah5sostakemehome @karajaynetoday @ashtondaddy90 @myfavfanficsever @myloverboyash @suchalonelysunflower @sexgodashton @rebelwith0utacause @creampiecashton @irwinkitten @allthestarsandthemoon

[onceuponaloonatic]

inspired by a conversation with @anonymousonce93 !!

tw: vomit, food sensitivity issues 

“Hey Nayeon Unnie, come in.” Tzuyu gave Nayeon a polite smile as she let her in. Nayeon came in at her invitation, taking her shoes off and giving Tzuyu a hug. It was then she noticed the shopping bag Nayeon was holding. “Another present?”

“It’s just a small one.” Nayeon laughed. 

“She’s going to be spoiled. Everytime you come over you bring her a present.” Tzuyu couldn’t fight the amused smile on her face. 

“I’m trying to be the favorite Auntie.” Nayeon pouted. “I know.” Tzuyu nodded. “But you seriously don’t have to try so hard, she’s three pleasing her really isn’t too difficult. What is it?” 

“It’s a stuffed giraffe.” Nayeon handed Tzuyu the bag, letting the younger woman inspect the stuffed animal. “This is small?” Tzuyu sighed at the size of the animal.

“Relatively.” Nayeon nodded. “Anyway I love you but isn’t your flight leaving soon?” “Right right. Mina wanted me to go over everything with you because despite the fact you have watched Nico before she still doesn’t trust you.” Tzuyu sighed. “I would expect no less from Myoui Mina.” Nayeon giggled. “Hit me with it.” “She is still asleep right now, I was going to wake her up before I left though. Jihyo will be coming over with Hina around five. She had a stomach ache earlier so Mina made her some sundubu jjgae to eat for dinner, you just need to heat it up. Mina thought it would be easier just to make her something light in case her stomach still hurt, but if she’s hungry after that you know what she likes.” “Wait sundubu jjage? I thought Nico hated tofu.” Nayeon interrupted. “It’s on her long list of foods she won’t eat.” Nayeon was right about that. Nico was an extremely picky eater, and over time her parents and Aunts had developed a pretty elaborate list of foods Nico just didn’t like. 

“She’s been branching out with a lot of food lately. These past few weeks she’s pretty much eaten everything we have been. I’m not sure where it’s coming from but it’s honestly so nice. Cooking for her was difficult.” Tzuyu sighed. “ Mina thought it would help for her to just have some stew instead of a normal meal.”

“I suppose that makes sense. Keep going.” Nayeon nodded.

“Mina is working late, but that usually means she’ll be home around ten thirty. Nico’s bedtime is still eight thirty. Sana wants to call her before bed to say goodnight, so expect her to call you around eight. I’ll probably text you when I land to check in and say goodnight to Nico. Jihyo already said Hina can’t spend the night because they have to do something early tomorrow, so if she tries to ask make sure you say no. Oh also if her stomach ache gets worse just give her some normal medicine. You remember where the medicine cabinet is right?” “Yup. You guys have lived here long enough for me to remember where most things are.” Nayeon giggled. “Anything else?” 

“Yeah when her stomach hurts really bad she likes to have something warm to cuddle with. Her medium sized teddy bear that smells like lavender heats up. It’s pretty distinct but I’ll bring it down for you and put it on the counter in case she needs it. If she does, put it in the microwave for ninety seconds and hand it to her.” Tzuyu explained. “Alright, that should be everything. I need to go wake her up and then get going.” “Of course.” Nayeon nodded. “Can I come with you? She’s always really cute when she first wakes up.”

“Sure. Though she will probably be a little grumpy, she always is after just waking up.” Tzuy u agreed, starting to make her way to Nico’s room.

“Oh I know, I’ve watched her overnight before. She is always grumpy until she has some juice or Jeongyeon tickles her.” 

“Oh yeah, I know. She’s normally a little angel but just after waking up she can be quite grumpy. Saki is the same way. Sana says they got it from me but I’m not like that. I’m a morning person.” Tzuyu explained, stopping at Nico’s door.

“You keep telling yourself that.” Nayeon giggled.

“What? I’m fine in the morning.” Tzuyu rolled her eyes. “You're always so tired in the morning, getting you out of bed is hard.” “Jeongyeon knows how to.” Nayeon shrugged. “Ew.” Tzuyu faked disgust. “Shut up and go wake up your daughter.” Nayeon playfully poked Tzuyu’s shoulder. Tzuyu opened the door to Nico’s room, finding the three year old still fast asleep. She gently crossed the room and approached Nico. She smiled at the adorable look on her youngest daughter’s face as she slept. It had been so long since they had had a toddler around, and she forgot how absolutely precious they were. “Nico? Baby it’s time to wake up.” Tzuyu announced, gently shaking her daughter’s shoulder.

“Mm…” Nico whined, rolling away from Tzuyu. “Nope come on Nico. Mama has to go to the airport and she wants to say bye bye.” Tzuyu told Nico. Nico’s eyes opened at that, looking at Tzuyu sleepily. 

“Mama go?” “Yeah. Mama has to go to her work.” Tzuyu nodded. “Auntie Nayeon is here.” She pointed to Nayeon, who was still standing by the doorway to the room. “And Auntie Jihyo will be over later with Hina for a playdate.”

“Playdate?” Nico seemed intrigued by that. “Yup. But you have to get out of bed first.” Nico nodded, sitting up and rubbing one eye. “Good. Ka-san will be home after bedtime, and Mama will be home in a few days.” “Mommy?” “Mommy is still going to be far away until next week.” That answer seemed to make Nico sad but she nodded. Tzuyu glanced at her watch and internally cursed at the time. “Does your tummy still hurt?” “No.” Nico pouted, stretching a little. “That’s good. Shoot, Mama needs to get going.” Nico beat Tzuyu to a kiss, kissing her mama’s cheek. Tzuyu smiled at that and kissed Nico’s forehead in response. “I love your baby.” “Love you too mama.” Nico nodded.

“Can you get her changed?” Tzuyu turned to Nayeon, who nodded.

“Of course, don’t worry about it. Have fun on your trip.” Tzuyu gave Nayeon one more short hug as a thank you on the way out of Nico’s room. “Thank you. Be good Nico. I love you.” Tzuyu waved as she left. Nayeon approached Nico once she was gone, sitting on the corner of the bed and smoothing her niece’s messy hair with one hand. “Why don’t we get you dressed and ready for your playdate with Hina-chan?” Nayeon offered, earning her a huge smile in response.

xx 

Both Jihyo and Nayeon had noticed something off with Nico. She was still playing with Hina like she usually did, but she just seemed a little, off. And it only got worse the closer they got to dinner. Nayeon heated up the food Mina had made for Nico and she didn’t miss the tiny look of disappointment on Nico’s face when she saw what she was eating. She still ate it without complaint though. During dinner, Nico clammed up. Hina did most of the taking with the adult and Nico slowly ate her dinner. After dinner they put a movie on for the little ones. Nico cuddles with Jihyo while Hina lays on Nayeon’s lap. It all goes well, for a bit.

Halfway through the movie Nico hopped off Jihyo’s lap and ran to the bathroom, ignoring the questions of if she had to go potty. Jihyo chased after her and found her niece on the floor of the guest bathroom, a pile of vomit next to her and tears on her cheeks. “Oh hey Nico, hey Nico it’s okay.” Jihyo was never the biggest fan of vomit, but she had raised three kids. She had seen it before and knew how to deal with it. Nico just started crying more at the reassurance. Jihyo sighed and inspected Nico, making sure none of her throw up got on her clothes. Once she realized she was good she picked her niece up. “Was it your tummy?” Jihyo asked. “Does it feel yucky?” Nico nodded no in response, crying harder. Jihyo wasn’t entirely sure why dinner had upset Nico’s stomach so much. “Do you feel bad?” Jihyo began searching for any reason as to why Nico’s stomach would hurt. She felt her forehead and found she was fine, albeit a little pale.

She had been a little impressed when Nico had eaten most of her dinner. She distinctly remembered Nico disliking anything with tofu in it, but Nayeon had said she had gotten over her pickiness a bit. She had been impressed, and happy Nico was eating more foods. She had never really heard of a child just getting over their pickiness like that, but it was good. Nico needed to branch her tastes out. While thinking of reasons, it crossed her mind that food could have been what set Nico off. “Hey Nico… Was it the food? Did it make you feel icky?” Nico started crying even more. “Hey, it’s okay. Was it the food?” Nico nodded yes, cuddling into Jihyo. “It was so icky.” Nico sobbed. “Made me feel bad.” “Bad?” Jihyo asked. “If you don’t like it why didn’t you tell Ka-san?” 

“Don’t want to be picky. It’s hard for my mommies. I heard them say so. I want to be a big girl and eat all the foods they eat. But they are so icky.” Nico conutined sobbing. “They make me feel all weird.” “Oh Nico… Hey it’s okay to be picky, especially if food makes you feel this yucky.Your mommies think so too. Food is supposed to be yummy, not yucky.” Jihyo swayed Nico in her arms. “Hey baby, you're okay.” Jihyo swayed Nico some more until she calmed down. Jihyo sighed once she did. “Okay. I’m going to clean this up. Why don’t you go get Auntie Nayeon and have her brush your teeth so the icky taste can be gone okay?” Nico nodded, sniffling as Jihyo put her down. 

Once she was gone, Jihyo was sure to text all of Nico’s moms. She was aware Nico just didn’t like some foods, but she never realized they would elicit such a response from her. It hurt her just to see it. Even if Sana, Mina,a dn Tzuyu were really busy this was a problem they had to deal with. And all Jihyo could really do to help was tell them.

[sleepydew-valley]

Quanrantined Shane: Day 3

Day 1

Day 2

So I know I haven’t updated this story in forever, but why not try and continue it right before I started SDV artober and also while doing university. I mean how else am I supposed to feel too much responsibility and stress and make myself more miserable than necessary [insert nervous laughter]. 

Anyway, previous part of the stories can be read in the links above. Hope you enjoy. 

Also, @dragonindigo245 I didn’t see you reply until recently, but you asked to be tagged in case I updated it. So here you go if you’re still interested.

Day 3 

Nico opted for letting Jas join him in his farm routine. At first, he thought he had to change his entire schedule for Jas, but she seemed excited about joining him. At least she wanted to feed all the animals and luckily for him it was still a sunny day, so they could be let outside while Jas played around with them which made it easy to keep an eye on her while he plowed the field for his future crops. He had already sowed some of the first seeds as soon as the ground was ready for it. Winter had been hard and next time he would try to prepare for it better.

Eventually Jas also became interested in what Nico was doing, and seeing as she loved flowers, he gave her the Blue spangle seeds he had left over from last spring. They made a tiny field for Jas to take care of on her own, and Nico promised she was welcome back to water it even after she went back to the ranch.

Once it was noon and time for lunch, Shane called them, and Jas had to tell him about all the fun they had had on the farm. She immediately wanted to show the field of seeds she had just planted and ran out with the phone, so Nico had to run after her and coach her back inside, but it was too late she had already soiled her hands in the dirt.

“Nico said these are my flowers.” She said excitedly. ”Soon I will have grown beautiful flowers, just like Nico does.”

“They’ll probably be the most beautiful flowers in the valley.” Shane said. “You have to remember to listen to Nico when you’re taking care of them, okay?”

Jas nodded enthusiastically and finally Nico was able to bring her inside again. He had to admit he loved Jas and Shane’s interactions together.

He sent Jas out to wash her hands again so she could help with preparing for lunch. She handed the phone over to him and Nico propped it up against the wall of the kitchen counter, so Shane could still see what they were doing.

“It’s only the first day and she already loves it.” Shane said with a smile.

Nick felt embarrassed but somehow happy at the same time. He was only happy to hear Jas was enjoying her time here, but to see Shane’s reaction to it was even better.

"You have to remind her about her homework. She usually finishes it quickly, but when she's excited she tends to forget it." Shane said.

"Got it." Nico said. "Anything else?"

"Do you mind walking her to the library tomorrow?"

"Of course not." Nico said. "I expected that much for when I send her to school tomorrow."

"Great. Normally she can walk alone but seeing as she would be walking from your farm, I just want to make sure everything is okay and she gets a feel of how long it takes from there."

Nico nodded.

"Also, Marnie will be stopping by later."

"What?"

He stopped his movement and that's when Jas entered the kitchen.

"I'm ready now." She said.

Nico strained a smile as he found a small stool for her to stand on for her to reach the counter.

"Hey, sweetie!" Shane said. "Aunt Marnie told me she would stop by later to check on you."

Jas was excited by the news. Much more than Nico. It made sense Marnie would stop by and Jas probably also preferred her Aunt to come. She probably wanted to share her day with her Aunt since it was the first day at Nico’s farm.

Nico wasn't sure why it freaked him out. He was on good terms with Marnie. He also knew Jas meant a lot to both Shane and Marnie and of course they weren't going to let her be taken care by some random villager without at least checking to see if she was doing okay.

"Did she by any chance mention when she would stop by?" Nico said, trying to hide his panic.

Shane merely shrugged his shoulder as an answer, which wasn’t really helpful.

Could he take deep calming breaths without anyone noticing? Did anyone notice he was panicking? He wasn't sure why he was panicking. It felt like a test. It felt like Marnie thought he wasn't capable. Maybe he wasn't good enough to take care of Jas. Maybe they were just waiting for the right moment to take Jas away from him again. Did Nico have to prepare anything for Marnie? Was she going to join them for dinner? Would she be angry if the farm was a mess? It was now Nico realized he wasn’t all that close with this family and Jas was his responsibility now, and if Marnie took her away today it meant he had failed. It meant he probably wouldn’t be able to talk to them again – he needed to calm down. He shouldn’t spiral like this.

“Jas, can you set the table?” Nico asked.

He pointed her to the directions of the plates and she happily hopped down the stool and went to fulfill her given task.

“hey, are you okay?” Shane asked.

Nico simply nodded.

“you sure?”

This time Nico put on a smile. “Yes. I’m fine, it’s nothing really.”

It was nothing. It was a stupid thing to worry about. He took a deep breath and then tried to be more convincing when he told Shane again he was fine. He was fine. He could handle Marnie coming over and checking up on Jas. He also wanted the best for her and if he wasn’t good enough at taking care of her, then there was no reason for her to stay here. Instead of worrying about the outcome of her visit, he just had to focus on having a good time with Jas and Marnie once she came over.

****

Marnie decided to stop by right before dinner. She hadn’t planned on staying to eat, but Nico felt it was would rude to send her away without eating anything. Also, he had sort of planned for her eat with them, so he had made too much spaghetti for him and Jas to eat alone, which was a convincing enough argument for her to stay.

During the dinner he had called Shane, so he could feel like he was also a part of the dinner.

Jas talked about everything they had done on the farm, mostly how she was allowed to feed the chickens and she got to see how the cow was milked. All things she also did on the ranch, but maybe it felt different for her because it was someplace else. Although Nico hadn’t let her work with the tools, she took part in sowing the crops. At least a few them and that she took pride in, when she watered them. She said she would water them every day until they had finished growing.

Although Marnie had never explicitly said it, the only reason she had come by was because she needed to check on Jas. She almost seemed a bit disappointed when Jas was enjoying her time on the farm. Marnie had looked around the house, but Nico had already cleaned it to the best of his abilities and tidied the few places that were too messy. Jas was sleeping on his bed, where he had changed the sheets to clean ones, and he had taken out the madras he had in the beginning to sleep on himself for the time being. There was also space for the Jas to play with the toys she had brought, which she took out after they had eaten dinner. She had done her homework after they ate lunch. There was nothing for Marnie to complain about and for some reason she seemed to not like that fact.

At least she left in a good mood though. She cheerfully said goodbye to Jas and thank Nico again for taking on this responsibility.

When it was time for Jas to sleep, they called Shane again or rather they turned their attention back to Shane again as they had never hung up since dinner. Jas asked for a bedtime story which seemed to have surprised Shane. It probably wasn’t something she asked for a lot if ever. But Shane still said yes to her request and he managed to come up with something. It was clear he was improvising the whole thing, but Jas still loved it. Eventually she fell asleep.

Nico had barely noticed Jas was sleeping, it wasn’t until Shane stopped telling his story and he looked over at Jas to see she was fast asleep.

“It usually takes a lot more to get her to sleep.” Shane said. “She must have used a lot of energy today.”

“Yeah.” Nico said. “She has been running around all day and it’s a new place. I’m sure she’s exhausted.”

Shane smiled, but then his face turned serious.

“Hey, so I’ve meant to ask you something.” He said. “But something seemed kind of off with you today?”

Nico crawled out of the bed and went over to his own madras.

“What do you mean?” Nico said. “Everything is fine.”

“It just seemed you were a little bothered with Marnie’s visit, that’s all.” Shane said.

Nico shook his head and tried to put on a sincere smile. Except it was a lie. He was bothered. But he knew it was stupid he was bothered, and he wasn’t about to tell Shane that he was person who freaked out over stupid small things.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say if that was the case then Marnie probably didn’t mean anything with it. She just misses Jas, so any excuse to see her girl.” Shane said. “Actually, I’m sure she’s disappointed she doesn’t have a good enough reason to take Jas with her. She seemed almost annoyed with how well you were taking care of Jas.”

Shane chuckled at his own comment and Nico couldn’t help but smile. Shane was trying to calm him down and comfort him.

“Seriously, you are taking good care of her, Marnie and I are grateful for it.”

“It’s no problem, she makes the job very easy.” Nico said.

Shane looked at him with such warm eyes. Nico suddenly felt warm. He tried to suppress his smile. It wasn’t a big deal that Shane had just reassured him in the sweetest way possible. He realized he was being embarrassingly giddy.

He cleared his throat. “Uh, I think it’s time to sleep now. We’ll talk tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Shane barely got a chance to say goodbye before Nico hung up the phone. He put a hand over his heart as he felt it beating too fast in his chest. He shook his head, feeling the smile come on again when he thought about Shane’s words and how he had looked him. He tried to get rid of the smile, but it seemed impossible. This was pride. Pride of being able to take good care of Jas. Nothing more than that.

[sanders-sides-fics]

In My Dreams: Chapter Two

Warnings: food mentions, Deceit (named Dorian here)

Masterlist

Word Count: 2204

Author’s note: I will be reblogging with the link to AO3, which will also be on the masterlist!

-

Virgil fidgeted uncomfortably in his spot at the main table next to Remy. Even once the court was seated, he could feel the eyes on him. When he looked out of the other tables, he could never see who was staring, but he knew they were. He was sure it would be worse if he caught someone staring at him.

The crown felt heavy on his head as he looked around again. Logan had advised him the weight would be unnoticeable once he wore the crown enough, but combined with the feeling of being watched, it felt heavy and very uncomfortable.

“Not hungry?”

Virgil looked over to Remy and shrugged, “It’s weird being on this side of things.”

“Nothing to do with lords that keep looking at you?” Remy asked. “I got that too, the first time we had an event at the castle after the attack.”

Virgil frowned at him and made a point to move around some of the food on his plate around with his fork, just to make it look like he had eaten. He could still feel the eyes on him and that helped nothing.

“Why did they stare then?” he asked quietly.

Remy shrugged, “To see the poor little orphan playing prince.”

Virgil wrinkled his nose and set down his fork. He glanced around the feast hall once more. Nothing had changed. Lords and Ladies still chattered at each other as servants bustled around as Virgil had every time there was a feast in Sandres.

“Did they not like you?”

Remy scoffed, “No, they just wanted to feel some pity. Got it out of their systems real fast. Now, eat up.”

Virgil turned back to his plate and tried to eat a bit. He still pushed things around before settling on the roast beef. He picked up a juicy piece with his fork and bit into it. It was good, but he preferred how his Dad made it. He hoped he was okay without Virgil there to help him in Sandres. Virgil would have to write to him soon and try to figure out how long he should wait before he made a visit.

He kept eating quietly until his plate was mostly cleared. As he ate, he listened to Remy and Logan’s discussion of their trip to Sandres and what steps would be needed next. Remy suggested that they could arrange trade between the kingdoms to foster the relationship and Logan smiled proudly.

“We could write to King Thomas to make arrangements tomorrow,” Logan said. “What do you think, Virgil?”

Virgil startled at the mention of his name, “Um, it sounds like a good idea? What do we have to trade?”

Logan smiled approvingly, “We have our fabrics and fruits. Meat from the northern border and salt from the east and south.”

“Salt?” Virgil asked.

“From our lands bordered by the ocean,” Logan explained. “I can show you a map after the feast, though I often find myself pulled into the dances following dinner.”

“That’s because you’re still not married,” Remy teased.

Logan raised an eyebrow, “As are you, due to my refusal to allow for an arrangement for your hand as your regent.”

Remy shivered at the mention. Virgil watched curiously, pondering what Picais was like under Logan’s reign as Regent.

“I would never marry someone so tasteless,” Remy commented. “She didn’t know matean from silk.”

Virgil tuned out the rest of the conversation as the conversation dissolved into gentle teasing. Before he knew it, the plates were being cleared from the table and the court began to stand from their seats to move to the ballroom. Remy tapped Virgil’s shoulder and offered his hand to guide him out of the feast hall.

“If you need to get away, go to the library. No one usually goes there during our feasts,” Logan advised. “I have gone there a few times to hide myself.”

Virgil smiled, “Thank you.”

Virgil made sure to think of where he knew the library was from the brief tour the night before. It sounded like the perfect place to escape to. Virgil took Remy’s offered hand and followed his brother to the ballroom.

Remy smiled at him, “Do try to mingle for a while before you run off to the library, alright?”

Virgil rolled his eyes at his brother as Remy let go of his hand.

“What makes you so sure I will?” he asked.

“Brotherly intuition,” Remy answered.

Virgil snorted, “Yeah right.”

Virgil looked around the ballroom as his brother walked away. There wasn’t a single face he recognized beside Remy’s and Logan’s. He wasn’t surprised by the lack of familiarity, but would need to grow used to the idea of it being expected.

He went about the room, ducking his head with care not to lose the crown. He had never experienced a feast where he was being served instead of being serving others, but perhaps it would not be hard to cruise through the night near the wall, talking to the servants.

Was he avoiding his court? Yes, but he would also like to know those that were serving him and his brother. They were just as important as the court members, Virgil knew a castle couldn’t function without its servants from experience.

“Prince Virgilius!” a voice exclaimed excitedly. “I’ve been hoping to catch you all night!”

Virgil flinched at the outburst and turned to face the person who called his name. Before him stood a heavy set man in bright green. The man bowed to him and smiled.

“Hello?”

Virgil wasn’t sure how he was to acknowledge this. He had seen Roman dance around the ballroom and talk with nobles frequently, yet the mannerisms fled his mind as he looked at this man.

“I am Sir Gary Ashdown, your Highness, I worked with your Father, the late King Dorian,” he explained. “It is an honor to meet you and see you returned to us alive and well.”

“Thank you,” Virgil said, fidgeting.

“That’s all I wanted to say, your Highness. I look forward to seeing what kind of leader you’ll become.”

With that Sir Gary turned and disappeared into the crowd of nobles.

Virgil wasn’t sure what to make of that conversation, but guessed the rest of the night would be full of them if he stayed in the ballroom. Quietly, he made his way to the hallway, sticking close to the servants as he walked, knowing most nobles ignored them unless they needed something during a feast.

Virgil walked down the halls, trying to find the doors he knew lead to the library. The main floor was much smaller than the one in Sandres’ castle. If anything, this would make the search much easier on him.

He kept walking around until he found the door Remy had shown him the night before. He opened the door and the candles around the room all flickered to life. He jumped back and looked around for someone who could have done so.

“Hello, Prince Virgilius.”

Virgil yelped and back to the door again.

“Sorry, sorry,” an older woman stepped out from the shelves. “I am Mavis, I am the caretaker of the library. My eyesight is not very good so I do not use the lighting system, but when I heard you, I started it.”

“Light system?” he asked.

Mavis smiled sweetly, “Your father created it with his magic. He was a talented fellow.”

Virgil looked around at the candles, “They’re magic?”

“They are. He created them when he grew frustrated from trying to carry books and his candle around at night. Too stubborn to ask for help,” Mavis smiled. “Solved his issue quickly.”

Virgil nodded, “It seems.”

He glanced around the library. Wondering if he could find anything from King Dorian’s life or study within the library.

“Shouldn’t you be at the feast, my prince?”

Virgil awkwardly shrugged, “I just… got overwhelmed. I wanted some quiet. Can I look around?”

“Of course! This is your castle, dear,” she reminded.

Virgil smiled and walked into the array of shelving to see what he could find. Many of the texts were unfamiliar to him. He picked a book off the shelf and examined the cover. The cover had an intricate design of flowers and vines surrounding the title, “Guide to Herbology and Medicine”.

Virgil opened the book curiously and flipped through a few pages. The pages were old and worn, clearly studied meticulously. As he turned the pages, a leaf fell from between the pages. Virgil knelt down to pick it up and place it back into the book.

Kneeling on the floor, he reached for the leaf and took it into his hand, something sticking out from under the shelf catching his eye. He grabbed the item as well and stood up. He put the leaf back into its book and replaced the book on the shelf. Virgil then examined the item.

It was a leather bound book with pieces of paper sticking out from pages. Virgil walked over to a table with the book and sat down, before wiping the thick layer of dust off of the book and untying the string around the book. He opened to the first page, curious yet not expecting anything from the plain covered book.

On the first page of the book was written Dorian Picani in a neat script. Virgil’s eyes widened and put his finger on the page to trace along the name. He wondered what one of his fathers’ books was doing under a library shelf…. He could ask Remy…. After he’d gotten the chance to look through the book himself.

He flipped to the next page and began to read.

I haven’t spoken to Emile about the possibility of Virgilius’ developments becoming permanent yet, hoping that it is residual magic from being carried by a magic user, as Remy’s were. If the developments continue and do not disappear, I will need to tell my husband before something happens. I haven’t noticed anything permanent yet.

Details of developments:

1.  Speaking to spiders in the castle:

            This could be due to developing magic in my son, or this may be antics of a toddler. I will be watching for these interactions as he grows older.

2.  Levitation:

            Levitating objects that he wants, such as his bottle or his stuffed animal. The heaviest thing he has lifted is a large story book so that I could read from it for a bedtime story. This is undoubtedly a sign of magic.

Similar instances to these occurred when Remington was still toddler, but he grew out of them by age two. Virgilius is approaching his third birthday without a cease of magical activities. As the day grows closer, I will continue monitoring my son. The traditional test for magic is still years away but if these instances do not cease prior to Virgilius reaching ten years of age, it will merely be a formality.

Virgil’s eyes widened as he read on, reading his father’s words about him and his magical development. The King seemed anxious about something the more he went on about Virgil’s powers. Now that Virgil had faced the Dragon Witch, he understood that worry. King Dorian had feared her finding out about his son’s abilities…. Fears that were justified when Virgil considered his family’s fate and the Dragon Witch’s final actions in Sandres.

He flipped through more pages, coming across more stories of his powers and listings of what he could do before his loss of memory. As it became clear that these powers came from Virgil’s own magic, the King’s tone changed to fondness as he described what he did to teach Virgil.

Virgil paused in his reading to examine a page that was entirely full of scribbles and mysterious splotches of ink. After a moment, he flipped to the next page and looked for an explanation.

Virgilius’ masterful use of a quill and ink. Today is the first day he managed to steal my journal without my notice and begin to take his own notes on his magic. Upon an examination of his input, I have found it extremely valuable and will ensure the page remains within my journal for further use.

Virgil smiled at the note, relieved to see his father did not punish his younger self for the instant. A tinge of sadness pulled at his heart, knowing he would never know the man who spoke so fondly of him. He shook his head and continued his read through.

“Virgil?” Remy’s voice called through the library. “Are you in here?”

Virgil closed the book and looked around for a place to hide it. He knelt down and quickly put the book back where he had found it, vowing to retrieve it later when he could sneak it to his room. He wasn’t sure why he was hiding it from Remy, but it didn’t feel right to share it just yet.

“Yeah, I’m over here,” he called, standing up.

He stepped out from the shelves and walked toward his brother.

“I’m sorry, I got a bit overwhelmed by it all,” he explained.

Remy smiled softly in sympathy, “At least find anything interesting in here?”

Virgil shook his head.

[reclaimingmyself-finally]

I’m going to hide out here awhile and think about fitness plans and details.  The rest of life is just too heavy right now.

I have a few more days of P90x3 and then will be sharing overall progress photos.  Because I don’t want to create a massive post, however, I thought maybe I’d talk a little bit about food today?  Specifically. I will say that I had my lowest weight in yet this morning at 146.8.  Down from almost 180 in early May.

I think all of us on a fitness journey has heard the rough statistic that weight loss starts in the kitchen / or your food is 70% of the journey.  It’s true for me.  I’m just sharing what has worked for me; there are many beautiful people on here who have done Keto, Paleo, Whole 30, Intermittent Fasting, etc.  I so respect all of our journeys.   I personally followed the Beachbody Nutrition Guide (available online if you google), which is timed macronutrients.  Breakfast, snack, Lunch, snack, dinner / combining specific servings of proteins, carbs (they clump together veggie and fruit carbs with other carbs), and healthy fats.  Portion control counts.  This works for me because I LOVE the idea of fueling my body with the nutrition it needs to work hard and grow more MUSCLES.

But then I also started running, right?  And then I needed more food.  So I took the guide, and when I felt hungry, I increased the portions.  More proteins and more veggie carbs, namely.  (Intuitive eating, ftw.)

A typical day looks like this:

Am:  Wake up at 5, preworkout drink (supplement, guys, not wine - I’ll get to supplements below.)

Breakfast:  Egg white omelet with feta, turkey bacon, spinach (I don’t stray from this because I’m boring and it works and it’s fast)

Snack:  Banana and almonds (substitute fruit / healthy fat)

Lunch:  Huge salad with 2oz of deli turkey (or leftovers, since dinners have been on point, too)

Snack:  Carrots or Grapes and hard boiled egg or reduced fat cheese stick (substitute veggie or fruit and protein)

Dinner:  Chicken or steak or pork tenderloin, lots of veggies, usually some cheese for healthy fat.

If I’m still hungry at bedtime, I’ll eat half an english muffin with peanut butter.  If I wake up hungry at night, I’ll eat a Kind bar or Luna bar.  That would definitely not be in the Beachbody guide, but at that point, if my body is so hungry it’s waking up?  Just give it food!  Also it’s 2:00am and I don’t want to make it complicated.

When you do a program with a nutrition guide, their advice is always going to be “don’t stray, don’t cheat.”  And I get it.  If you were only going to do the program and the nutrition for the 90 days, or whatever, you probably would need to stick to it to see results.  But if you’re in it for the long game?  Well.  That means if you want a bite of a brownie, you eat the bite of the brownie.  Or if you want the piece of pizza you eat the piece of pizza.  There have been lots of times since May that I ate Rice Krispy Treats, ice cream, pizza, chinese food .... and I still lost almost 30 pounds, and my muscles are saying HELLO!  Portion control and balance.    Because I’m also obviously into the psychology of everything, I also took, as posted about previously, good long hard looks at my “whys” and when I had cravings or was emotionally eating, practiced a lot of mindfulness.

And I still had quarter pan Rice Krispy Treat incidents.  Well, one.  (Also grace here, because parenting during a pandemic, no childcare, wildfire smoke on top of that, somebody please get us out of 2020.)

Considerations:  I have a family that doesn’t quite eat like I do.  Preschooler is fully 3.5 and we just take it day by day with her.  Husband will eat the protein, but I usually end up throwing together some white rice for him.  If he wants something else for a side dish, that’s on him.  We talked about this and it’s what works for us.  Because I don’t mind eating Zoodles instead of pasta, I will bake some of those up for myself really quickly while their pasta is cooking.   And on shit show nights where we have work days from hell and preschooler is really feeling her 3?  Takeout night.  And I just try to be as mindful as possible:  burgers without buns, sub salad for fries (but also eat a couple fries because yum.)

We do the best we can, and as long as we keep at it, play food does not tank you.  I’m looking at the numbers and I can tell you it doesn’t tank you.  (That’s how we talk about it in our house.)  Play food has a place and it’s yummy and we love it.

I’m open to questions people have about food, or sharing my favorite recipes or cookbooks.  Just let me know.  We’re all in it together, because we can all support each other.

<3

[purplesurveys]

1156

survey by ehxsnos

First lets get the basics out of the way...

What's your name? Robyn.

How old are you? 22.

Where are you from? Philippines.

What color are your eyes and hair? Eyes are dark brown, hair is black.

When were you born? April 21.

Now for the fun stuff!

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed. Some people can fall asleep with their closet doors open (and this is a thing in the first place??)? I could imagine that would irritate me to death, and I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until I got up and closed it.

How many people have you slept with this week? Zero.

What size is your bed? Just a twin size. It’s all I need for now.

What do you drink with dinner? Cold water, always. We also usually have other drinks served at the dinner table - Coke, buko juice, and iced tea - but I never drink anything else.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Barbecue sauce.

Last person you kissed/kissed you? You know who it was, I don’t feel like continuing to mention them on surveys as often as I used to any more.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Two for the Road, The Proposal, and Toy Story.

What is your usual bedtime? From Monday to Friday I’m usually passed out anytime between 10 PM–12 AM. It’s a different story on weekends; revenge bedtime procrastination is my thing now, so I go to bed anywhere from 2–5 AM.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? I always had different outfits on per year, but they were always the generic ones that we could buy costumes of at the mall – pirate, Tinkerbell, mermaid, etc. I didn’t start getting resourceful and/or witty with my Halloween choices until I was about 14 or 15 when I first went as AJ Lee.

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? February last year when I had my grad photo taken.

Take a vitamin daily? I am guilty of skipping my vitamins lol.

What do you wear to bed? I answer this all the tiiiiiime but I like wearing super-thin clothes so it’d feel airy while I sleep. I don’t exactly live in the chilliest country in the world.

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Can’t relate.

Ever have plastic surgery? No.

Do you want kids? I would love to have kids, yeah.

Where did your last kiss take place? Outside of that person’s car, just right before they got inside.

Four words to explain why you last threw up? I had a fever coming in and was starting to feel nauseous.

Last thing you ate? Adobo.

Do you get your nails done? Nope.

When did your last relationship end? September.

So tell us, what room ARE you in? I’m in my bedroom.

How many stories does your home have? Three if you count the rooftop.

Do you own headphones? No. The one I have in my room is my dad’s; he just lets me borrow it.

Have you ever...

Gotten a Brazillian wax? No, never tried having that yet. Being waxed looks like it hurts, so I’ve stayed away from it to this day lol.

Gotten so drunk you couldn’t remember wtf you did? Only a handful of times as I try not to get to that point, but yes, it’s happened before.

Been called a bitch? Sure.

Slut? No.

Pierced anything? I have a couple of piercings, but nothing I pierced myself.

Had a tattoo? Not yet.

Smoked a cigarette? Yes, but I actively try to make it a point not to form it into a habit.

Smoked weed? Nope.

Missed someone so bad you couldn’t eat or sleep? Sure, this has happened back when I still felt this way about the person. 

Worked out at a gym? No, never at a gym. I’d feel too self-conscious to get a gym membership altogether haha. In the brief time I worked out, I only did it at home. 

Snuck out of the house? No. With my parents, it’s much safer to ask permission than attempt to be sneaky since they always say yes anyway.

What’s the nearest furry object? That would be Kimi.

Is the room you are in messy? I would say it’s messy in my mom’s eyes but relatively neater than the average bedroom I would see at my friends’s and relatives’ houses. My mom just has ridiculous sky-high expectations when it comes to neatness and I’ve stopped bothering to meet them years ago.

What is the single largest item in your house? Either the living room couch or my parents’ bed, not sure which would ultimately take up more space.

When did you first become interested in sex? I mean I remember starting to explore porn when I was maybe 13 or 14, so those ages would be safe guesses.

How much money did you spend today? Zero and I plan on making it remain at zero. Payday is taking so long though :((((

What is the biggest amount of money you have ever had at one time? I think I had to hold around ₱7,000 in bills at one point in high school when my mom asked me to pay for something tuition-related.

What kind of cell phone do you have? iPhone 8. It sounds more and more ancient with each year that passes lmaooo.

Have you ever been under anesthesia? Never, and I hope I never have to? I’m scared of the things that could come out of my mouth.

Which Disney parks have you been to? None of them.

What does your bed comforter look like? Blue.

When did you last cry? Yesterday, from watching an emotional clip.

When is the last time you took medicine? Start of June.

What was the medicine for? It was to treat my UTI. I was already feeling so much better by the time I had to take that last pill, but I was instructed to take it for a certain period of time so I was just following the schedule.

What kind of health insurance do you have? I’ve actually never tried looking into the specifics of it. I know health insurance is part of my job, but I don’t even fully understand insurance yet HAHA and the thought of it makes me anxious so I haven’t read too much into the kind of insurance I have and the inclusions I can avail from it.

What is your birth control method of choice? I don’t have a preferred one. I’ve only been with a girl, so I haven’t had the chance to explore methods I could gravitate towards.

How much do you spend on your parents for Christmas? Several thousands of pesos, usually.

If you were given $1k and had to use it on 1 purchase, what would you buy? Like, I was challenged to finish it off on one thing? I’d get an iPhone 12.

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? They never caught me drinking when I was not yet allowed to drink. Now that they know I do drink, there’s no ‘catching’ that happens; they don’t mind me downing a bottle of soju from time to time.

Have you ever crawled through a window? I may have as a kid.

What do you spend most of your money on? Food delivery, heh. :)))))))) It’s my favorite way to spoil myself.

Is there a secret you've never told your parents? Yup.

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? Yes. I’m definitely a photo hoarder regardless of the person, so she’s not an isolated case; I also still have photos of people who aren’t in my life anymore, like Athenna and Sofie. I just don’t look at photos of me and Gab anymore, but they are definitely still around. Deleting them would be like deleting the last six years of my life and that sounds a little unfair.

Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Someone spread a rumor that I was bi and dating Andi back in 6th grade but I wouldn’t call that nasty.

How many rooms does your house have? It originally had three, but we had the balcony renovated into another bedroom, for my brother; so now we technically have four.

Would you sex tape with you in it for 3 million dollars? As long as I felt safe in the environment and with the person/people, sure.

Are you happier single or in a relationship? There are different kinds of happiness you can get from either; I don’t believe this is something that should be compared.

Do you have curly hair? No.

What is a compliment you receive often? That I write well.

How tall are you?: 5′1″.

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Not sure, maybe one of my parents or one of my best friends.

What is the last thing you said aloud? “Already?” Cooper was nipping at my hoodie and he was able to destroy a part of the underside in like three minutes.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.

What is one thing that can ALWAYS be found in your freezer? At least one type of frozen goods, like tocino or hotdogs.

How many pets do you own? Two.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday? I’ll be 23.

Last time you went out of town? January.

First thing you wash in the shower? My hair, then I work my way down.

What kind of shampoo & conditioner do you use? I use a Dove shampoo and a Pantene conditioner.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? No.

Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? I don’t think so. We don’t have that here so there’s no reason for me to own anything from there.

How often do you hold hands with someone? Never. That’s a sensation I miss, for sure. But I’m fine – this is just my period talking HAHAHA

What was the most recent thing you bought? I got a Zinger from KFC because I was craving for fast food at 1 AM yesterday.

Could you ever forgive a cheater? Considering how stupid I can get when it comes to love, probably yes in certain situations.

Do you have Verizon? No.

Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? To a very, very tiny extent, especially compared to my siblings. I’m nowhere close to being a brat, though. 

Have you ever been pregnant? No.

What is your average cell phone bill? I’m on prepaid, so I load up my phone every week with a certain amount instead of paying for a consolidated bill every month.

How many piercings do you have? Two.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? I turn it on only once I’ve gotten in.

Have you ever had stitches? Nope and I’m terrified of the thought. I hope I’ll never have to need any.

Do you think it’s right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? Eugh, outdated question. Next.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? Coffee.

Do you have a wireless keyboard and mouse? No. I don’t use a mouse and my keyboard is already built into my laptop.

How many songs are on your iPod or MP3 player? I don’t regularly use either anymore.

Where did you get that shirt you're wearing? I’m pretty certain this is a hand-me-down from my mom.

What are your pet’s names? Kimi and Cooper.

Honestly, are you in love right now? Nope.

Honestly, what color is your underwear? Blue.

Honestly, do you think you are attractive? Some days.

Honestly, do your wrists hurt? Haha no, but my back and shoulders do.

Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? Sure.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Continued from this morning. Figure out a way to tell my parents without getting hit.

Was there anyone who "made your day"? Today? Not really.

Are you vegeterian? Nope.

How many windows are open in your computer? Two of Chrome, one of Spotify.

Do you read Perez Hilton? Ew, no. Does that guy still do stuff???

Is there a baby in the room with you right now? No.

Do you plan on moving within the next year? It’s nice to daydream about but likely not gonna happen.

Have you been to a baby shower? No.

What brand is your computer? Apple.

How many cars can fit in your driveway? 4-5 if we really want to make the most out of the available space, but at present it only has 2.

Are you taller than your mom? Nah. Everyone thought I would be, but then I just stopped growing. I am now the shortest member in the family hahaha.

Are you a cuddler? Only with significant others. I would feel uncomfortable if a non-SO cuddled me as I am not a touchy person to begin with, except when it comes to hugs.

Sleep on your back or stomach? Stomach. I could never sleep on my back; I feel too exposed.

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? I always close the bathroom doors. Kimi has the tendency to pee on the bathroom floor so I make sure he doesn’t follow me in there.

Do you dress for style or comfort? More for style. I do take comfort into account, but looking nice and feeling confident in my outfit honestly takes precedence for me.

Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? 15,000 cases today.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah. It would even be a bit of a relief, honestly, because it means less pressure for me to have sex to please my partner.

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Yes, both happy and sad tears.

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? It depends on the person, I guess. Some can handle breakups well, and I’m not one of them.

How long has it been since you had sex? It would be 7 months this April.

Who was the last person to call you babe? My ex probably.

Last reason you went to the ER? I’ve never been to.

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents? Yeah. They were having trouble conceiving at first, but my mom eventually found out she was pregnant with me on her 27th birthday.

How old was your mom when she gave birth to you? ^ 27.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes, many times.

When was the last time you shaved your legs? A couple of weeks ago. I’ve been meaning to shave again but I’ve just been sooooooo lazy.

What facial cleanser do you use? I don’t use any products on my skin.

Do you use a blowdryer? Nope.

How many purses do you own?: 3 – I now have more than one! Haha. A month ago I had to buy bayongs from this small business for these PR kits we needed to send out and they included a couple of purses as freebies. Since we’re all working from home, I got to keep them since I was the one who placed the order heheh.

What are your top five favorite stores to shop for clothes? I really just stop by stalls of small businesses I see at the mall and see what trendy pieces I can get from them.

What kind of clothes do you mostly wear? I like halter and tank tops, paired with denim jeans.

What about shoes? Sneakers. You’ll rarely see me wearing anything else.

Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now?

For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? I’ll feel icky about it every now and then, especially if my flow happens to be heavy; but for the most part I don’t have any complaints. I think bleeding out every month is actually kind of fucking hardcore.

What are your first thoughts when your visitor visits? Be relieved. I’ve never had irregularity issues with my period, so every time it comes it usually serves as a reassurance that there continues to be no problem.

Favorite underwear brand? Don’t have any.

Last thing you bought at the mall? Three new pods for my vape.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend?

What color are your pillows? They’re the same style as my current bedsheet, so they’re also blue.

What if an ex asked to be back in your life? I think it would be nice if we would at least have lunch somewhere to catch up, then ask her what led her to that point.

Don’t you just love DVR? We didn’t use it often.

If you're on a laptop, how much charge does it have left? 93%.

Last gift you recieved? I got lunch from Bea after our virtual event with the media for one of our clients. Later that day, Kata also had banana bread delivered to my place :)

Lesson you recently learned? What to do when my candle starts tunneling, which I had looked up literally no more than 5 minutes ago because it started happening to my scented candle :(

[stars-my-darling]

there’s a storm coming tonight

Quick disclaimer: I haven’t written fanficiton in a while (like seven years and so) but there are so many wonderful fanfic writers in this fandom that it really inspired me and I wanted to get back into it. So here I go. 

***

Amy could not put into words how glad she was that it was the weekend.

That was surprising because she hadn’t been at work at all that Friday. She hadn’t spent the day chasing down criminals, filing reports or tapping away relentlessly on a computer. Instead she had spent her day off looking after her kids. They were four and two now and she could scarcely believe it. 

Prior to having children she had never really understood that old saying of “No matter how big they get they’ll always be your baby”. But now that she was a mother herself, she really knew what it meant. She could clearly see that her kids were not as small as they had once been and they had learned more about the world around them, yet when she looked at them she couldn’t help but proudly think “That’s my baby”. Even though her oldest, Elena, became very indignant when someone referred to her as a baby. “I’m not a baby!” she would retort, stomping her foot on the ground, “I’m a big girl!”

Right now, Amy had that big girl and little brother, Atlas, in the bathtub and was currently scrubbing her head. The two had been their usual energetic selves all day and while Amy had greatly enjoyed playing endless games of chase and jigsaw puzzles with them and had even agreed to get the finger paints out (something she was usually reluctant to do due the inevitable mess it made) she was well and truly worn out. From Monday to Thursday she had worked a particularly grueling case and that in combination with looking after her two little (but very lively) angels all day had really taken it out of her. 

Normally, she would have brought them to the park in the late afternoon and allowed them to run around until they eventually tired themselves out, brought them home, made them dinner and then it would have been a case of pajamas and then bed. Unfortunately, the weather had not been on her side that day. After a lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with the crusts cut off), Amy had been just about to coax the kids into putting on their coats and shoes and hopefully pry them away from the TV and seemingly endless reruns of Dora The Explorer. 

Before she got the chance to do that though the heavens had opened and it had been pouring down ever since. It was that kind of thunderous rain that seem to hammer down incessantly on the ground and was accompanied by the type of wind that could turn umbrella’s inside out. A disastrous coupling to say the least. So with the park firmly out of the question she instead opted for getting her kids to tire themselves out by playing in the bathtub. She had added chamomile oil to the water as well as rubber duckies and an assortment of other bath toys to keep them entertained. She was also washing their hair with a fancy (and not to mention expensive) lavender-scented shampoo which she was hoping would help make them sleepy.

“OK, tilt your head back, sweetie” she said as she filled a jug of warm water. Her daughter angled her head back and Amy emptied the contents of the container over her scalp. She repeated the motion until she was convinced that she had gotten all the suds out of her hair. Her little brother meanwhile, whose head she had already thoroughly washed and rinsed, was entertaining himself by splashing as much water as humanly possible and playing with the soap bubbles. Amy herself was completely drenched as was the case by the end of many a bath time. But she almost didn’t mind that much when she could watch her little boy squeal in delight when he decided to cause a mini tidal wave in the water or his look of deep curiosity when he tried to grip the foamy bubbles in his tiny hands.

“Ok” Amy remarked putting down the jug and looking at two freshly washed kids “Time to get out”. 

“No” Elena whined, shaking her head, knees drawn up to her chest. Amy sighed. This was always the hardest part of bath time. Despite how much convincing it took to get them into the bath, it took almost twice as much convincing to get them out of it. “Yes, Elena” Amy said, leaning over and lifting her son out and setting him down on the towel she had previously laid down. She started drying him off. “Time to get out. Mommy’s tired and needs her sleep” she looked at Elena, pleadingly “and Mommy can’t go to sleep until your asleep.” Elena thought for a moment, sighed and then got out. “Thank you, honey” she smiled, wrapping her in a white fluffy towel and earning a giggle from her before returning her attention to Atlas. 

Once she had both her kids dried off she realized she fallen behind on laundry so she restored to getting new pajamas out of the dryer. That was arguably better as the dryer had just finished it’s cycle so they were still warm and toasty. As she zipped Atlas up in his little white onesie she couldn’t help but feel a quick pang of sadness. This was the same little onesie Elena had worn back when she was two. Now she was way too big for it and in a few months maybe Atlas would be too. They were growing up too fast. Amy quickly pushed that thought away. She was being silly. Babies grew up, it was what happened. 

Suddenly she was drawn out of her thoughts when she felt a tug at the on the leg of her sweatpants. “Mama, can we have lavender toys tonight?” Elena asked, her expression hopeful. Lavender toys were what they referred to their heatable plushies as. They were soft toys that you could warm up in the microwave and smelt like lavender. The first one they had ever received was at Elena’s baby shower, a pink little owl given to them by Charles. Once she was old enough to use it she often requested it on cold winter nights. Atlas liked her little owl so much he soon wanted one of his own which resulted in her and Jake investing in a little brown teddy bear edition for him.

“Sure we can, honey” Amy replied, hauling her now pajama-fied son onto her hip. “But first” she said, holding out her hand to her daughter, “We gotta dry your hair”. Elena took her hand as Amy lead both her kids into her and Jake’s room. Sitting behind her dressing table, she placed her son in lap, grabbed a comb and started to get to work on de-tangling the soft brown curls that both her kids had inherited from their father. This was always Atlas’s least favourite part of the post-bath process and as per usual he fussed and wriggled all the way through, constantly trying to slide off her lap in an attempt to escape.

Eventually, Amy caved in and gave him a pacifier to calm him down and couldn’t help chide herself as she did it. Now that he was officially two they had been weaning him off the pacifier, giving it to him less and less. If they did, it was to only be in the evenings to help soothe him before bedtime and even then it was only to be used as a last resort. But right now Amy was too tired to try and reason with a fussy two year old so she let him have it. Either way it was keeping him quiet while she blow dried his hair which was Amy’s favourite part of the post-bath process, mainly for how adorably pouffy her son’s hair was afterwards. She playfully and gently ran her hand through it, watching it stand on end, before planting a kiss on the top of his head.  She then turned her attention to Elena.

Elena was the opposite of her brother when it came to this. She was good at staying still throughout the process. Both the brushing and drying didn’t bother her. If anything she always seemed to enjoy always the process.

Once Amy had the lavender toys out of the microwave and had handed them over to her eager kids, it was time for bedtime stories. 

Back when Amy had only one child, she use to sit on the edge of Elena’s bed and read to her. When her second arrived it became the custom for Jake to read to one of them and for her to read to the other. Each night, they switched places. However on nights like this, where she was solo parenting while Jake was on a stakeout with Charles, it was the custom for both kids to climb into her bed with her and she’d read a mutual favourite story to the two of them. 

Right now thought, judging by the way Atlas was pulling at the shoulder of her sleep shirt, she knew their was something else that required her attention first. “Elena, honey, can you be a big girl and pick out the bedtime story for tonight? One that both you and Atlas would like?” Amy asked, balancing Atlas on her hip as she pulled back the covers of the bed with her free hand. Elena immediately perked up and gave Amy the thumbs up, “OK, Mama” and then scurried off to the little private library space Amy had in her apartment which now had a kids section. Amy couldn’t help her smile as she watched her go. There was something undeniable adorable about a little kid in footie pajamas, especially when they were pink with kitties on them like Elena’s were.

She climbed onto the bed and pulled the covers up around her and got ready to nurse. As she sat up in bed and brought her baby to her breast she couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadness. Atlas was two now, it was getting to the point where he was too old to nurse. He ate normally throughout the day and ate normal food and it was only about once every few days he asked for milk. It seemed like he was getting bigger by the day. He was talking more and becoming more verbal. Pretty soon he would be officially out of babyhood and undeniably a fully-fledged toddler. She knew soon, like within the next month of so, that she would have to wean him off her milk completely. 

Elena came creeping in just as she was finishing up, clutching a copy of Where The Wild Things Are, her little face beaming. Amy made some room and patted the place beside her “Come here, baby” she said as Elena hurried over. Amy laid Atlas down beside her as Elena settled down on her other side. She opened the book to the first page. She knew she wasn’t as good as Jake when it came to doing the voices, but her kids didn’t seem to mind. As she watched them take turns to turn the page, she couldn’t help notice the difference between them. 

While they both had similar appearances having both inherited Jake brown curls and their parents mutual brown eyes, their personalities were different. While Atlas was pretty much his father’s mini-me, with the same goofy grin and his keen ability to always make his mother laugh, Elena seemed to be a blend of both her parents. She, like her mother, liked being in control and in charge but also hadn’t seemed to inherit her mother’s love of tidiness and order. Atlas on the other hand was more shy and reserved, which more reminded Amy of herself. Elena was more confident and sure of herself which in some ways kind of reminded her Jake. 

One of the things she seriously loved about being a mother was the seeing her kids grow into their own little individuals. While there was some things that she could definitely tell they had inherited from her or Jake, she could also see things that were uniquely individual to just her kids. She was reminded, not for the first time that night, how big they were getting. That had been weighting on Amy’s mind recently.

She and Jake had talked about having a third. Nothing was completely decided yet and they were still determining all the finer details, but they were leaning towards maybe trying for one. Part of her felt like she just wasn’t done having kids yet and Jake had admitted part of him felt the same way.

By the time she got to the last page both her kids were dozing off on either side of her. Maybe it was the fact that that warm, toasty sensation seemed to be lingering on their pajamas or that she could definitely still smell that concoction of lavender and chamomile from the bath in the air or her general exhaustion but either way she definitely felt like joining them. She was glad she had gotten them to brush their teeth before their bath so she didn’t have to move them.

“Hey, do you wanna sleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed tonight?” she whispered to Elena. “Uh-huh” Elena murmured, her eyes already closed, nodding. She turned to Atlas “What about you, honey, you wanna sleep here tonight?” Atlas cuddled in close to her. “Here” he muttered. Amy smiled and decided to take that as a yes.

Seeing as they were all in agreement, she leaned over and switched off the lamp on the bedside table. She pulled the blankets up around them, the quilt was heavier then her usual one due to the colder, wetter weather outside and it added to the current cosy-ness in the room. She gently wrapped one arm around each kid. She immediately felt them snuggle in closer to her, responding to her familiar touch. 

Amy had overall not enjoyed the sensation of being pregnant but she had always acknowledged that one of the few perks of it was that was arguably the closest you could physically feel to another human being. It was hard not to when you were growing one inside you. But Amy would argue that the closest you could feel to that feeling again was cuddling your kids under a blanket. When she looked at them now all soft hair and little hands and chubby cheeks, she felt something grow warm in her chest. Delicately, she leaned over and gave each of them a quick kiss on each of their foreheads. “You two are the most precious things in the world to me” she whispered into the darkness. 

Then, with that she felt the exhaustion of minding two little kids all day and working a long, tough week envelope her and she began to feel herself drift off into sleep. 

***

Amy woke later in the night of her own accord. When she slowly opened her eyes she was greeted by the sight of her husband who had seemingly gotten home and crept into bed without waking any of them. That was impressive. 

Atlas had rolled over in his sleep and was now currently facing Jake whose arm was now draped over him, holding him close. Amy now had one arm free and the other wrapped around her daughter. Gently, Amy stretched over and gently ran a hand through Jake’s messy curls and across his jaw. She always knew it but in that moment, she was struck by how much she truly loved him. 

She then resumed her previous position and readied herself to fall asleep. Somewhere, between and consciousness and unconsciousness, as the rain hammered down outside, she realized how lucky she was. There had been times where she had feared that this would never happen. Times when she couldn’t face seeing another negative pregnancy test. Yet, here she was with two kids, a loving husband and the possibility of someday having a third one.

But right now, she wasn’t thinking about that. Right now, she was happy to just fall asleep surrounded by her little family, perfectly content with the people she loved, listening to the rain pouring down outside.

[2badshewonteatacookie]

HOW TO STOP BINGING

Hey guys,

I see a lot of people who are struggling with binge eating in this Community. And I don't mean the "oh I ate over 1000 calories" binging, I mean the 3.000 -over 10.000 calories binging.

My Story : I always had a fast metabolism and was always the skinny girl who would eat a lot. Then I discoverd the pro-ana community and I thought I could become even skinnier, so I started restricting, but I always stayed over 1000 calories. I lost a lot of weight people where concerned and always commenting on how skinny and unhealthy I looked blablabla, I loved it. But then I would have these cravings and I would eat a lot, so I got back to my starting weight, over the years it got worse because I would try to restrict during the week and always binge on the weekend. Holidays where the worst, because I had no routine and would binge every day. Last year I finshed high school and started a gap year in the USA and maybe going to the US with binge eating disorder was the worst Idea of my life. In the last 8 month I gained over 22 lbs /10 kg. A lot of shit happend at home and I wasn't there, so I would eat my feelings, I would stay in bed for weeks and eat 10 whole meals a day until I thought I would die from a heart attack because I ate so much. I have a 9 to 5 job in an Office right now, so I dont move a lot. Most days I get up go to Work and have lunch, go back home have dinner, eat a lot of Snacks watch TV go to bed. But since a few weeks I am binge free, I still eat too much and not healthy all the time, but it's getting better slowly and I already lost some Weight. So here are my things that help me.

🌻Accept it.

You have Binge eating disorder, Yeah it sucks, and it's gonna happen again! Nothing sucks more than having this anorexic beauty standart /goal in your head, but binge eating at the same time. But this is where we are right now, so accept it. And dont promise yourself to never binge again, this will put you under pressure and you will most likley binge again! Promise yourself to get better.

🥗 Eat healthy.

All this processed food will lead to more cravings and wont make you full. Also healthy food is lower in calories, more nutrional and will make you feel better.

📺 Eat mindful.

Don't eat in front of any media. If you have time prepare your food and eat slowly. I used to eat every meal while watching something on my Phone, to the point where I couldnt watch something without craving food. Yeah eating in silence is boring but it will stop you from over eating. Also dont eat in your room!

🕛Eat regulary

Try to eat at the same time every Day. That doesnt mean you have to eat exactley at 12pm but try to eat around that time. What Works for me is having 3 big meals a day. But there are so many options like 3 meals two snacks etc. Just try to have a routine. It helps especially when you have trouble knowing when you are hungry or full. I try not to eat after 7pm because I know that thats mostly emotional /binge eating. And dont freak out if something unplanned is happening and you can't eat at that certain time. Its ok thats life. Try again tomorrow.

👭Eat with friends.

Especially when you feel like binging. Call a friend, do a sleepover. Eating with others will stop you from eating like a pig. Maybe you will still overeat but at least not until your stomache hurts.

😴 Get enough sleep.

If you lack of sleep your body is trying to get the energy from food, so you will eat more. Try to get 7-9 hours every night. And have a certain bedtime. I had most of my binges after 10pm but if you sleep you can't eat!

🏡 Get out of the house.

If you are at home it's easier to binge. No one is watching you and you have all the food around you. Try to have something to do every Day. Meet with friends, get a hobby. Even if you have work to do, do it somewhere else like the libary.

🙅Avoid Stress.

Bad feelings like stress will lead to binging. If you have a big project to do and you don't know how to start and you procastinate, that will lead to guild and stress. Start early, ask for help, prepare for a binge. Dont let other people Stress you, especially family members love to tell you how many things you should be doing and how far you are behind and how easy it is to do All of this. Its ok, breathe, especially with Depression and an eating disorder it often feels like you are stuck in life and everyone else figured it out. Its not like that! Your trying! As long as you keep trying you are not stuck!!!

👸Don't compare yourself to others!!!!

This is maybe the most improtant one. Dont compare yourself, yes there are people where it seems like there are perfect, they have all this energy and they are good in everything. But who cares? They are not you, you should only compare yourself with yourself. Everything else will make you feel like you can never do it and you will never be good enough. But if you only Focus on your own progress you will get happy and stay motivated.

🐢 Be slow.

Yes I know we all want to see change as soon as possible. But change takes time. Think about where you would be right now if you made slow but constant progress?! Yeah we see all these people who eat under 1000 calories exercise every day and have straight A's. But you tried that right? It worked for a week and then you binge again. Dont overwhelm yourself Start slow. Start with one challange a week. Set yourself realistic Goals. For example exercise 4 times a week. Thats your goal for the week nothing else. You could stay in bed all Day and eat, as long as you exercise 4 times a week. It works, I promise you wont stay in bed all Day, but if your brain thinks you could then it doesnt feel like restricting and you wont binge. Its So weird but the Moment you tell yourself Im gonna binge again and it's ok, you are less likley to binge. The mindset, I never gonna binge again, is the most dangerous.

⭐Dont be a fucking perfectionist!

I told myself so many times Im gonna eat healthy and then I would eat one drop of olive oil and be like fuck it now Im gonna eat 10.000 calories of junk! There are so many diffrend ways to reach your goal! Not this one perfect way. And even the most perfect people are not always perfect. You dont have to be perfect to reach your goal!!!!!!!! Slow progress!!!! Kill your All or nothing mindest!!

🍕Enjoy your binge.

If you are about to binge, keep calm, Trink some water. Call a friend, prepare your binge food, try to make it more healthy,for example vegan junk food or stuff like hummus and Avocado, wich are tasty and high in calories but healthy. Binging on more healthy food will make you feel better than binging on McDonalds and your skin is not going to break out, also it is hader to eat as many calories with healthy food. Enjoy the food, dont just swallow it!

🚫Dont restrict the day after!

It seems so logic right? I binge, now Im gonna starve the next Day. But this will ALWAYS lead to another binge. Dont skip meals! Move on as if nothing happend!

🤸Learn to fill the void

Lets be honest there are only 2 reason why we binge,1. You don't eat enough and your body is trying to get the nutrition. And 2. you're trying to feel better. Tasty food is releasing Dopamin and we feel good, at least while we are eating. But after you binge you feel disgusting and like a failure. So you have to find something else to fill that void. I read once that for every Bad habit you want to break you need 5 good habits. So find something that makes you happy. Start your Day dancing to your favourite songs. Meet with friends. Exercise. Watch your favourite Show without any distraction. Draw. Masturbate :) whatever makes you happy.

🌈Stay motivated.

Remember, progress is slow. Sometimes you wont see any change, your brain will tell you it's not worth it and to just give up. Remember why you started. Keep a tumblr with stuff that inspires and motivates you, but don’t compare yourself with others! Search for people who have the same problems it's not a race, be Kind to each other motivate each other. And don’t use your whole energy for this one goal, focuse on other things in life, time will go faster that way. Dont search for change in the morrior everyday! You got this!

🍑Hope this helps someone. If you have more Tips please share. If you have questions ask me and if you want to chat, message me.

Sorry for my spelling btw.

[atomic-taco-muffin]

I Love You Chapter 5

Warnings: Y’all ready to cry? No? Well to bad! The real Organization XIII without Xehanort, Terranort, Repliku, Xion, and Saïx

You were walking to school when you thought of what Yuki said to you the other day. About how there was something special about you and how you should run away from Destiny Islands. You decided talk to Yuki and ask what to do. You walked around the school trying to find Yuki and found him by the front of the school. 

“Hey, Yuki. Can we talk?” you asked.

“Sure.” 

“I keep thinking about what you said. About how you think there’s something special about me and how I should run away.” 

“Yeah. What about it?” 

“Let’s do it. I want to finally explore the outside world.” 

“I knew there was something different about you. It’s strange seeing you and your dad. Maybe he’s he isn’t your real dad...and he kidnapped you. Has he ever told you your mom’s name? And he doesn’t want to know about other worlds.” You remembered the time when you ask Sora who your mother was. He told you to never ask that again. Maybe Yuki was right. Maybe Sora wasn’t your actual dad. But what if Yuki’s lying? No, Yuki’s your friend. He would never lie to you. 

“But my daddy loves me...”

“Sometimes people pretend to love you. Just so they can take advantage of you.”

“Why would daddy to that?” 

“You’re a princess. I can see it. You were taken from your parents. I can bring you to them. If you run away from Destiny Islands.”

“But won’t daddy be lonely if I leave?”

“He deserves it for taking you away from your real family. Look, you should get to class. I’ll see you later.” 

“Okay.” 

~~~~

Once school was over, you went to go find Yuki. He was standing at the same spot that you found him earlier. 

“Hey, Yuki.” 

“Hey, (Y/N). Are you ready?” 

“I was thinking of doing it tomorrow. Just so I could see my dad one last time.” 

“Okay. Take your time. I’ll meet you at the secret place.” 

“Okay.” You got on the bus and headed home. You got off the bus, entered your house and went straight to your room. Sora didn’t think to much on it. He thought that you had homework to do. While you did do your homework, you also packed a bag of things that thought were important for you to take with you. You saved the Sora plushie for last. You looked at the plushie and started to cry. You hugged it close to your chest and cried. Sora came in to check in you since you’ve been in your room for a while. 

“Hey, Cupcake. What’s wrong?” Sora went to give you a hug.

“DON’T TOUCH ME...please.” Sora was shocked. He’s never seen you like this. 

“Cupcake. It’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. Can you tell me what happened?” 

“I’m not yours...” you whispered under your breath. Unfortunately Sora heard this. 

“Why would you think that, Cupcake?” You shrugged your shoulders and said that you didn’t know. 

“Well, I can assure you that you’re my daughter. Besides, you have my kindness.” You smiled slightly. 

“Wanna order in?” You perked your head up and nodded. 

“Okay. You want cheesecake?”(Sorry if you can’t have cheesecake. You can think of something else.)

“Okay.” Sora went to go order your favorite cheesecake. When it arrived, you and Sora watched some of your favorite movies and ate your cake. You felt a little better afterwards. After cake, you went and got ready for bed. Sora came into your room to read you a bedtime story. You didn’t smile like you use to when he read it. He even did his pirate voice! That always made you laugh! He had a enough of this and begins to play tickle monster and you laughed. You started to have second thoughts. Because who would take care of you, make you laugh, and love you? You soon went to bed and so did Sora.

~~~~

You were back at the place where you had the last nightmare. The old man and the man in the black coat was there walking towards you. You closed your eyes bracing for impact when all of a sudden, the old man and the person in the black coat were stuck down. You opened them slowly, and saw a man standing in front of you. For some reason, you felt like you knew him. It wasn’t Yuki but it was....

~~~~

You woke up, feeling ready but nervous for today. You got ready, like normal. Went downstairs to greet Sora and had breakfast, like normal. But before you left the house, Sora stopped you.

“(Y/N). Come back here.” Shoot! He caught you. You walked over to Sora preparing for him to figure out your secret plan with Yuki. 

“Don’t forget your umbrella. It’s raining today.” 

“Okay, daddy.” Whew! That was a close one. You exited the house and opened your umbrella while walking towards school. After school was finished, you walked towards the secret place. When you saw Yuki standing by the entrance, you dropped your umbrella and ran to him. 

“Hi, Yuki!” 

“Hi. You ready?” 

“Yep!”  

~~~~

As Sora went to go pick you up, he noticed something in the road. It was your umbrella! Sora panicked as he ran towards the school. He was praying that you were okay. When he got to the school, he saw that you weren’t there. Somehow, he knew that you were at the secret place. He ran as fast as he could, but it was to late. He screamed at you saying that you shouldn’t go with him. You took Yuki’s hand and walked through the door. When he got home, he broke down crying. His little girl gone. Possibly forever. 

~~~~

You walked through the door, still holding Yuki’s hand. You looked around you. There was a castle in front of you. But the sky was dark. You asked Yuki why the sky was dark and he said that you would find out soon enough. You entered the castle to be greeted by a man with long hair and an eyepatch(we all know who it is)

“Hey, Yuki. You’re back.” the man said. 

“Yes, I am, Xigbar.” Yuki replied. 

“Woah. Are you a pirate?” You were amazed by Xigbar’s appearance. Xigbar looked down at you and saw your excited face.

“Uhh, yeah I am. The name’s Xigbar.” 

“I’m (Y/N).”

“Hey, (Y/N). We got to go meet someone special okay?” 

“Okay! It was nice to meet you, Xigbar!” You walked with Yuki to meet this special person.

“Okay. Before we go in, you’ve got to be on your best behavior.”

“Okay!” Yuki opened the door and you walked in to be greeted by the man that you saw in your dream. Yuki knelt down, you copied him, not wanting to be rude.

“Lord Xemnas. I have returned.” 

“I see. You may leave.” Yuki stood up and left. 

“Rise, child.” You stood up and looked up at him. Xemnas got down from his throne(not the super high ones. just a regular one) and held his arms out like he was asking for a hug. You ran up to him and he engulfed you into a big hug. You hugged him tight and cried into his shoulder. 

“I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you so much, pumpkin.” 

“I missed you too, daddy.” Xemnas gently put you down. 

“Let me show you your new room.”

“Okay.” You took Xemnas’ hand and walked with him to your new room. It was huge! There was a huge bed with a beautiful mosquito net above it.  

You ran to the bed and belly flopped onto it. It was so soft! You’ve never had a bed this comfy! Xemnas chuckled at your goofiness. 

“I’ll let you explore your room and come get you when it’s time for dinner.” he said 

“Okay.” Xemnas closed the door behind him. You went to the closet and saw how huge it was along with the most beautiful dresses ever. 

(i now want to be a princess. i would add more but i was super lazy.)

You also saw some tiaras as well. You took one and gently placed it on your head. It didn’t stay on well. You were scared of breaking it you put it pack where your found it. You exited the closet to explore your room more. You looked at a portrait that was on the wall in your bed and saw your mom with Xemnas. You didn’t know this but, the real photo was with your mom and Sora. You climbed onto the bed and opened your bag with the stuff you brought. You took out the Sora plushie and the locket. Something was telling you that this was wrong, but you didn’t listen. You put the locket on and hugged the plushie. When it got close to dinner, you went to the closet and put on one of the dresses and found a tiara that felt somewhat stable. You put on a pair of shoes that was also in the closet. When Xemnas came in, he saw you in your new outfit. 

“Hi, daddy! What do you think?” you asked as you twirled in your new outfit. 

“I think that you are the most beautiful princess that ever existed. Are you ready for dinner?” You nodded. You took Xemnas’ hand and walked with him to the dining room. You entered the room and saw other organization members. Two of them were fighting for the last piece of chicken. (again, i think you know who i’m talking about. If not, then I’ll tell you. The one ate the chicken is Demyx and the other one is our Pikachu queen, Larxene. I love her.) Another member trying stop the one member from killing the other. Another member was reading a book. Xemnas noticed your scared look and gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. You followed Xemnas to one part of the table and sat next to Yuki. 

“Hey, (Y/N).” he said. 

“Hi, Yuki.” You were served a plate of the dinner that everyone else was having by Xemnas. 

“Thanks, daddy.” 

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” You and the Organization ate dinner. Once everyone was done, you were introduced to the members and they were introduced to you. 

~~~~ 

It was time for bed. You changed into some comfy pajamas the Organization provided you. You did your usual routine and climbed into bed. There was a knock on your door and Xemnas walked in. 

“Hi, pumpkin. Are you all ready for bed?” 

“Yup!” Xemnas sat on the edge of the bed and told you a bedtime story about the other worlds and how they fought in war. It was intriguing. You hoped that you get to see them soon. After the story was over, Xemnas tucked you in, kissed your forehead good night, opened the locket you had and played the music box. You soon fell asleep to the beautiful melody and had good dreams. The next day, You put on another beautiful dress, shoes, and tiara and went to go eat breakfast. After breakfast, you decided to explore the castle. You found the library, Vexen’s lab, and whole lot more. After you were done exploring, you went to Xemnas’ office. You knocked on the door and Xemnas let you in. 

“Hi, daddy.” you said. 

“Hi, pumpkin. Whatcha doing?” 

“Exploring the castle.” 

“Okay. I have some things to finish up, but afterwards we can go explore some other worlds.”

“Okay.” You left the office and went to the Gray Area. There you saw Xigbar chillin. 

“Hi, Xigbar!” 

“Hey, kid. How’s it going?”

“Good. Daddy’s going to take me to another world today.” 

“Cool. Wanna hang out till it’s time to go?” 

“Sure!” You sat across from Xigbar and he told you about himself. You did as well. 

“(Y/N). Time to go.”

“Coming! It was nice to see you, Xigbar.” You ran to the entrance of the castle and took Xemnas’ hand. 

“Are you ready?”

“Yep!” Xemnas summoned a Dark Corridor and the two of you went through it. When you exited, you and Xemnas were in Twilight Town. 

“Wow! Where are we?” you asked. 

“We’re in Twilight Town.”

“Cool!” 

“Let’s go find some things for your room.” 

“Okay!” You and Xemnas walked around the town and bought some cool things for your room. They bought games, toys, movies, and a whole bunch of other things for your room. Little did you know, but Xemnas did this to make sure that you didn’t run away. While you two were shopping, the Sea Salt Ice Cream Trio (including Saïx) were watching. 

“Hey, is that Xemnas?” Xion asked. 

“I think so. But the real question is, who’s that with him?” Axel replied. It felt kind of disturbing seeing Xemnas with a child. They didn’t know it was you since they haven’t seen you since you were born. They soon got a call from the king saying to come to Master Yen Sid’s tower immediately. Maybe there, he can explain what’s been going on. They were soon in for a surprise

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Thirty, “Close Calls”

All chapters can be found here! 

Inspiration tag for the story! 

I recently completed a character survey from Becky’s POV that you should check out! 

Warning! This story contains mentions of: cancer, vomiting, chemotherapy process, and brief mentions of blood.

                                       Sneaky peeeeeeeek!

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. The paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit.

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back.

Snowflakes flutter in front of my eyes, painting the world white. Cars zoom past on the streets down below, the size of my fingernail. Yeah, it sure looks like the first of February out there, the thought sounds inside of me. The festivities of Christmas are long over as a new year has begun. Thinking of what comes next leads to a disorganized mess behind my eyes. I try to rid my thoughts of it with a hard blink, but instead it brings something else forth. 

February 1st. 

It’s Harry’s birthday today. 

He’s 29. Shit. 

Flipping my phone over in my lap, my thumbs get working fast. But once that empty conversation is in front of my eyes, I stall. Before I chicken out, words appear on the screen quickly. 

I read them over and wonder how they sound. Or, more like, how they would sound to him. Do they sound too personal? Do they not sound personal enough? Or am I worrying too much and it’ll just blend into all of the other birthday texts he’s sure to receive? 

“I think if you stare at that thing any harder your eyes are gonna pop out of your skull, Ree.”

I raise my head to find the voice who said that. My dad. He smiles tiredly at me a few steps away. I laugh, realizing he’s right. 

“What’s got your attention so peaked anyways?” he asks. His eyes framed with exhaustion stay for only a second. They return to the Arsenal football match playing on the telly. 

“Um, just trying to write a text to somebody. But I don’t know if it’s good enough.”

“Don’t think about it so much, sweetie. I mean it, you’re probably thinking too hard about it,” he comments, scratching at the blue wool hat covering his head.

Sometimes I still expect to see the IV tubing dangling from his skinny arm. Like all of the other times at the beginning. Patches of faded red cover the insides of his arms from them now. You wouldn’t notice their small marks, but I know they’re there. The seconds of relief from their absence is whisked away when he tugs at his shirt. The moving of the material reveals the tubing leading to the port in his chest. The one I forget has been there for months when his shirt covers it. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell him, and go ahead and hit Send. 

Hi. I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing alright. Just remembered it was your birthday. Wow 29, huh? Damn you really are getting old, you geezer. You better hurry and claim your senior discount now. No, but really I hope you’re having a good day, Harry. Enjoy your day. Have some drinks and do something for yourself, something you enjoy. I hope 29 is a fantastic year for you. Hopefully you’re not as run down yet as Chandler is. 

I tap Send again, watching the clip from F.R.I.E.N.D.S go with the text marked by a heart. A smile pulls up my cheeks, thinking of the scene. 

The three guys are sitting on the sofa in Central Perk and Chandler talks about not being 21 anymore. He’s 29 now and just wants to relax and go to bed at his bedtime, according to him.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” my dad comments, bringing my eyes back to him. A small smile pinches his sallow cheeks. I nod, thinking of those words, but in a different way. If only that could be said about everything.

Setting my phone down, I try to watch the match with him. I’m glad it’s taking his mind off of the poison coursing through his veins. But I’m distracted by the anxious excitement of waiting to hear a ding from my phone. 

Point after point is scored and it doesn’t come. And I try not to be disappointed, but I think I’m getting rather good at being disappointed lately.

+

The last words of a Katy Perry song trickle from the speakers as I put the car in park. A soft glow pours out the living room window, waiting for me. 

6:13 pm, the digital clock reads. 

I let my head fall back to the head rest. The events of today and their emotions flood my thoughts. As well as the things I still need to do tonight. Bring in the groceries. Put them away. Make dinner, even though he’ll eat 5 bites that he’ll throw up. Sweep and mop the kitchen. Disinfect surfaces. Find time to vacuum when he isn’t sleeping. Change his bedsheets. Do la-

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

The incessant words forming inside of my head cease. Looking over to the passenger seat, my phone buzzes face down. I pick up and answer it without looking. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, Becks,” a refreshing voice answers. It almost removes the heavy words inside of me, but not quite. 

“Hi, Harry. How was your birthday?” I answer, peering down at my lap. 

“It was pretty fantastic, thank you. ‘m sorry I didn’ get t’ yer text yestaday. Tha’s why ‘m callin’, an’ ‘cause I got yer gift. I love it, it was so nice o’ you! I don’ have this Fleetwood record yet, so thank ya very much. ‘s in incredible condition, too! Hope ya didn’ have t’ pay too much. I know how pricey original records can be,” his syrupy voice utters with extra sugar today. It fills me with comfort, but he also picked the worst time to call. Although, maybe it would help to get out of my head for a few minutes. If I can.

“Yeah, you’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it. I uh, wasn’t sure if you had it or not,” I reply slowly, unsure of what to say. I find it hard trying to pick out words from my head as so many others are whirring around. Playing with the zipper on my coat, I wait for his reply. 

“I can’ wait t’ listen t’ it. There’s not a scratch on it, ‘s unbelievable. I got sum drinks with sum mates last night afta work, so tha’s why I forgot t’ text back. Had lots o’ fun tho’, an’ ate sum good food,” he narrates for me in an animated voice.

I nod at his words, wishing that would suffice. But I have to talk, even though yesterday I would’ve jumped at the chance to hear his voice. Well, I still would today. Just minus the jumping part. 

“Good,” is all I say, amidst the lump building in my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe. But it doesn’t help, it never does. “I’m glad you had a good time,” I somehow manage. Cursing myself, I know he heard my voice crack at the end. Because so did I.

“Becks-.”

“I’m glad you had a good birthday with friends. It did sound fun. Um I’m sorry, but can I call you back? I was just going to run into a shop quick,” I cut him off, the lie knitting together fast. 

“Ya sure, an’ thanks. ‘ll talk t’ ya later, Becks. Drive safe,” he replies, something amiss in his voice. But I can’t listen any further than that, or else the guilt will make the tears come sooner. 

“Thanks, Harry. I will, and happy birthday,” I finish, not giving him a chance to reply before I hang up. 

Because the tears already arrived at my last word. And he sounded so happy, and I couldn’t ruin it. Over the course of the few texts we’ve sent back and forth in the last month, it was the happiest he’s sounded. And I didn’t want to share my dark cloud, and reveal that I’m in the lowest of my lows. Another side of me selfishly wanted him to notice, almost begged him to. And that part is disappointed that he didn’t, but the other part knows that I can’t expect that. Or at least it tries to. 

It’s going to take everything inside of me. To lift my head from the steering wheel and walk back into that house. And to do yesterday and the day before, all over again. Dole out the meds and write them down. Clean up the vomit. Cook the meals. Clean and clean. Endure watching the pain and suffering I can’t do a damned thing about. And on top of it all, try to deal with my own pain and suffering. Not to forget, the schoolwork. 

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. Or the paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit. 

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back. 

+

“Hey, Becky. Could you do me a favor, love?” 

The pictures of puppies I was looking at suddenly feels illegal. Closing my laptop, I look up and find Sophie standing in front of me. I still think for a split second that she’s the mom from The Princess Diaries when I look at her, even after a year of working here. 

“Y-yeah yeah. What do you need, Sophie?” I ask, trying to sit up straight, for once.

“Could you run this down to the post room for me, please? I need it sent out today, and I have a video conference in a minute. I’d wait on it, but I know they pickup the post in about 20. I won’t make it since my video conference is an hour long,” she says, her lips lined in scarlet grimacing. She tugs at the end of her corkscrew brown curls, a nervous habit of hers. “I hate to be one of those bosses that makes you do stupid stuff, but-.”

“Don’t mention it, Soph. A little walk would be nice, anyways,” I insist, taking the large white envelope from her. She thanks me with a smile and a handful of ‘thank yous’ before leaving. 

Standing up, I feel my joints wake back up with a few cracks. I smooth down my maroon blouse over my black dress pants. A shiver tickles my spine, and I decide to slide on my zip up black Columbia. The last thing I do before leaving is to grab my steel water bottle to fill up. 

“Be right back,” I let the girls know at the front desk. They nod with a smile before resuming their hushed conversation. 

My pointed flats hardly make a noise on the tiled floor. It’s hard to look for a noise with the wind whipping around the snow outside. Just looking out the windows lining the hallway makes me feel cold, colder than it should be in March. And regret choosing these shoes this morning. I reach a corner and take a left, thinking back to when I first started and always got lost. I pass a handful of people on my way, familiar and not, and we exchange smiles or nods. I pass the doors for Human Resources, and wave at a friend. A gruff bailiff passes without either, but he was a little too scary looking to make eye contact with anyways. 

I reach another corner, knowing the post room is only two turns away now. I take a right, but a few steps in, I hear voices. And laughing. My feet stop at the sound, and I turn around. The large doors to Courtroom 5 are down the hallway behind me. A clump of people stand across them talking, leaning against the wall under a clock. One of the laughs stands out to me from the others, like a musician can recognize a note. I can only see the backs of heads of those facing away from me. They shield the others from my view. My head goes from side to side with dismissal as I turn back around. But I don’t get very far, because I hear something they say. 

A name. 

It’s like it takes control of my limbs, and again I’m spinning around. I make it just in time to watch a figure break away from the group. Smiling and shaking hands, a laugh tickling their lips. And walk over to the drinking fountain. It’s Rose, one of the lawyers from Harry’s firm. Hmm, I think silently before walking away for real this time. 

I soon find another water fountain and I decide to fill up. Luckily almost all of the ones I come across here have the nifty water bottle attachment. It was always a pain any place I’d go trying to fill it up directly from the spout. With the thick envelope under my arm, I screw the cap back on. Slipping my finger through the little handle at the top, I take off. But once again, I don’t get very far. Because this time I almost run into somebody. 

“Sorry,” I automatically say before even taking a look at the person. But I don’t need to look when their voice tells me what I’m looking for. 

“‘s alr- Wait, ‘s that you, Becks? Well hi, love,” Harry coos, his words catching. 

“What, I don’t get an ‘it’s alright’ just because I’m not a stranger?” I joke, looking into his brilliant green eyes. 

The skin around his eyes crinkles as amusement paints his face. Nodding, his growing curls dance a little on his head. “Yeah, I guess ‘s alright ya almost plowed me ova,” he jokes, his straight white teeth showing behind his happy lips. 

Scratching at the back of his neck, his navy blazer pulls to the side. I see more of the cream button down underneath decorated with small navy polka dots. 

“Hey, I could say the same thing about you,” I argue, trying to calm the happiness budding on my lips. But my control doesn’t last very long. 

Harry replies with a breathy laugh, dropping his hand. “Oh hush, you. Now, what’re ya doin’ here, love? I hope yer not here fer a hearing,” he asks, swinging the leather messenger bag to his side. Probably heavy from his files and laptop, from the look of its bulging seams. 

“I uh, work here,” I tell him slowly, my words escaping me. My fingers wrap around and lift the sleek card resting on my chest. 

His moss green eyes fall to the lanyard hanging around my neck holding the access card bearing my face and name. I receive my answer when his expressive eyebrows shoot to the sky in surprise. “Here? Really, doin’ wha’?” he questions.

“Um, I do some clerk stuff back in admin,” I reply, watching his expression relax into a content smile. 

“Tha’s great, Becks. That’ll look really good on yer resume when ya graduate. Good fer you, ‘m proud o’ you, darlin’,” he comments, patting my arm. I hardly know what to say with everything jumping around in my head all of a sudden. The arm pat. The beaming pride coating his features. The part where he said he’s proud of me, for the second time now. Okay, chill out, Becky. You can’t lose it, not yet. “An’ ya like it here? Are ya learnin’ more ‘bout law?”

“Yeah, I really like it. I work with a small group of people, and we get along really well. I mean there’s always that one coworker you don’t like, but what can you do?” I try to laugh, but I’m afraid it sounds fake. It’s okay though, because his laugh covers the doubt I hear in mine. And the nerves. “And I am learning, too. My boss is really great and I think she uses me being in law school to her advantage. It’s a match made in heaven, I guess.”

“Good, ‘m glad t’ hear that. ‘m happy t’ hear well, that yer happy,” Harry tells me with a smile framing his words. But when I look at it a second too long, I see the sadness in it. Suddenly, I regret my words, and how they sounded like he wasn’t a good boss. Or that I didn’t like it at his firm. But he doesn’t let me get too far into my thoughts, luckily. “How’s yer dad doin’? I haven’t heard from ya lately, but I undastand yer prolly real busy.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” I apologize, looking away with warming cheeks. But his automatic ‘’s okay’ and squeeze to my arm makes me look back at him. “Things have been pretty crazy with classes and being there for my dad. He started chemo again the beginning of last month, since they didn’t get all of the tumor, like they hoped they would. But I guess most people still do it to ensure it’s gone, or something like that. I can’t remember.”

“Stop, ‘s okay,” he says firmly, his eyebrows raising a tick. “How’s he handlin’ tha chemo? ‘ve heard that stuff’s pretty shitty.”

“Yeah, it is. It makes him really sick. It’s hard because sometimes he has to wait to do an infusion of it, because some levels of his are too low. Or they want him to be at a certain weight, even though the chemo makes him lose weight,” I explain, the words coming out effortlessly. “It’s hard to see him like this, and to still be a student and an employee during all of it. But my professors and boss have been really understanding and lenient.”

I bite back the tears, hoping they won’t fall without my permission. But one breaks loose from the gate as I stare at the floor. My flats are separated from his brown leather chelsea boots. Then after a blink they no longer are. I don’t make the decision to look up, but it’s made for me when I feel his thumb wiping the tear away. Peering into his gleaming green eyes always seems to make time stop. A warm smile places dimples in his cheeks, and does something to me. Like it always does. 

“‘s okay. I can’t imagine how hard ‘s been fer ya, Becks. Why didn’ ya ring me? I woulda listened,” Harry asks me, his hand regretfully belonging to himself again. But there isn’t annoyance or anger in his voice. There’s emotions from the other side of the spectrum heard there. Like regret and sadness, and others I can’t fathom right this second. 

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. Plus, I hate to be a Debbie Downer,” I confess, admiring the length of his dark eyelashes when they tickle his skin. 

“Yer notta Debbie Downa, Becks, whateva tha bloody hell that ‘s,” he insists. A hint of his giggle meets my ears when I look at him weird due to that revelation. “Ya can call me anytime, ‘kay? Whether ‘s happy or sad, ‘d wanna hear ‘bout it.”

I nod at his words, savoring the sound of his voice. And what it said. His minty breath strokes my cheek as he’s close enough to touch. The words get lost in my throat as his familiar smell wafts over me, catching me off guard. “Thank you,” I mumble thoughtfully, seeing his head move in answer. 

“What’re ya takin’ this semesta fer yer LLB tha’s so tough? I mean, I know all tha courses can be, but ‘m curious. Ya must be onto tha heavier courses by now, ‘s that right?” 

“Well, I’m still catching up to where I should be as a kind of sophomore. Because they changed the degree around since I’ve been gone, so that’s kinda why I took Crim later than usual. But right now I’m taking Banking Law, Family Law, and Environmental Law,” I answer, watching my words register with him. He nods at certain parts, his brow knitted together as he pays attention to me, like there’s nobody else in the entire room. 

“Ugh, those don’ sound any fun. I rememba takin’ those, or what were tha equivalent t’ ‘em when I was in uni. They’re tha ratha borin’ ones, an’ Family’s sad, too,” he comments, a look of disgust playing with his features. It’s amusing, but I get away with not letting it show on my face. Reaching to scratch his chin, I notice the stubble there. And the pops of color on his fingernails. Both fitting, I must say.

“Yeah they’re super boring. I’m surprised you even remember them, seeing as you’re 29 and everything,” I joke, earning a well deserved eye roll from him. But he can’t get rid of the grin showing on his raspberry lips. “Hey, I like your nails. It looks like you did a pretty good job, better than I could even,” I laugh and it grows harder when he holds them out for me to see. A wine red and turquoise blue decorate his fingers. But what gets me is that he puckers his lips, modeling like Zoolander. 

“Thanks,” Harry titters, looking down at them. “Me little niece picked out tha colors an’ helped me paint ‘em tha otha night. But I think they’re growin’ on me. Already chippin’ tho they are, whatta shame.”

You let your niece paint your nails? 

Wait, you’re an uncle? 

Okay, the thought of you with tiny children is not helping things. 

“You sound like a fun uncle.”

“Ya, I hope so. Harper says I am anyways, which ‘s quite tha compliment. Also, stop callin’ me old. 29 isn’t old,” Harry whines, sticking his bottom lip out at me. 

“Oh stop it, you baby,” I giggle, and soon his joins mine. For a couple of seconds, we’re just looking at each other laughing and things couldn’t be better. But I’ve learned that good things can never last, and soon enough we’re interrupted by a voice. 

“Harry, are you coming?” Rose says from across the hallway, a ‘hello’ to me following. The sweet sound coming from his lips soon fades as he looks over to her and nods. Pushing his sleeve back to look at his watch, he clucks his tongue. 

“‘m afraid I can’ talk any longa, Becks. ‘m sorry. Rose an’ I are workin’ togetha onna case. It starts in half an hour, an’ we gotta go ova sum things befo’ it all starts,” he explains regretfully. I nod, acknowledging his words. And try as I might, I can’t get rid of the disappointment growing heavy in my gut. 

“Yeah o-of course, don’t let me keep you. Good luck, Harry, knock ‘em dead,” I wish him with a small, but sad, smile. 

A hint of one inches up his cheeks before he says, “Yer not keepin’ me, I dunno why ya always say that. I enjoy talkin’ t’ ya. ‘s nice t’ catch up again,” Harry tells me. As if in slow motion, I watch him take another step closer to me with outstretched arms. I follow suit and soon find myself in one of his hugs. “Ya ring me if ya need anythin’, ya hear me? Even just t’ talk. Maybe we could get coffee or tacos sumtime.”

The moment in his arms doesn’t last long enough, although I’m sure any amount of time wouldn’t be enough for me. Soon, I’m leaving the safety of his arms and again, I’m alone. “Of course. Thanks, Harry.”

“Welcome. Tell yer dad an’ Robbie ‘m thinkin’ of ‘em,” Harry rasps, and I just nod. “An’ take care, Becks. Good luck in yer courses, I know ya’ll do well.”

Happiness seeps through the sudden sadness with his kindness, and I muster a smile. And another thank you. 

“Have a good day, love,” is the last thing he says, before he turns to walk towards Rose who waits for him. 

“You too,” I mumble, watching him walk away. 

Bittersweetness lines my thoughts, wondering if the sadness is worth getting to see him. And that hug. God, that fucking hug. They do fix everything that’s wrong, if only for a couple of seconds. It makes me wonder how much happier I’d be if I could have one of those every day, as a respite from the chaos of life. But that would only be in the case of if I was his-. 

Yeah, I’m not going there again, I tell myself. And with that, I finally continue my journey to the post room, unsure of how I’ll be able to top that. 

For the rest of day. 

Week. 

Maybe even, month. 

+

The butter melts on my tongue and next the pillowy bread does too. I close my eyes and smile at the taste. Like home. Opening them again, my eyes flit over the half dozen crock pots and several other plates. Frowning, I can’t stop thinking about the meatballs, the macaroni and cheese, the sugar cookie fruit pizza, and the homemade bread. 

But with a longing sigh, I walk away and leave the break room. Excited coworkers of mine pass me on the way to the food. My desk eyes me from across the room, but I ignore it. Soon, I find myself in the hallway. Twenty minutes left of my break after scarfing down the monthly potluck meal. It only gets better each month, and makes me wish it was weekly. The last bite of airy bread passes my lips. I wipe my hands on the napkin and toss it in a bin. The new storm delivers snow outside of the hallway-long windows. Although they’re frosted from the chill, I can still just make out the falling flakes. 

My thoughts of snow are whisked away by the shuffling of feet. And hurried voices. It takes me a moment to figure out where I’ve gone off too. Soon, I realize I’m back by Courtroom 5. And that the people are bustling inside the doors to sit in the gallery. And watch. The sleeve of my zip up glides over my watch, revealing the time to be one o’clock. Quickly, thoughts come together like puzzle pieces in my head. 

My break is over at 1:30. 

It’s Friday, so it’s not like I really have anything important to do when I get back. 

Sophie has been bothering me for ages to go and learn from the teachers I have just down the hall. 

So she won’t mind. 

And the only teacher that I can think I want to learn from is in there right now. 

About to argue a case that appears to be available to the public. 

I don’t remember telling my feet to move, but suddenly I’m behind an older man. And the scene in front of me changes drastically. It fills me with nervous excitement at the sight of the judicial panel, the jury box, and the witness stand. But I don’t have time to gawk, because the chatter around me is quieting down. I quickly find a seat towards the back of the seating in the gallery. 

Silence follows the clanging of the doors shutting. Within a few seconds, everybody rises when the judge enters. But the rest of the room - the jury made up of all kinds of faces, the bailiff, court reporter etc. - melt away when I see that head of curly hair. I’d know it was him if we were in a crowd of people, but any doubt I had from afar is washed away when he speaks. 

Harry and Rose take turns delivering their opening statement. They’re defending their client, the plaintiff, who from the sounds of it, was harassed by the defendant. It kills me to watch the opening statements unfold, even if all I can see is the back of the girl’s head. The hush over the courtroom is chilling, and goosebumps grow on my arms at the sound of Harry’s tone. His professional voice that I’ve yet to really hear before. Because although I worked for him, I was only his assistant. I never got to tag along to trials, or hear much about them. Yes, I did some of the dirty work for them, but I only saw the outside. I heard about how good or bad it was going, and then was dealt with the good news or bad news of the verdict. No more than that. 

It’s awe inspiring to witness him arguing the case firsthand. The way he uses his hands to speak, or the times when his voice does all the speaking he needs to. His eloquent choice of words drills the emotion home, and is accented by the expression on his face. It’s often neutral, but at times, I watch him struggle to hide the effects of the words playing on his face. I find myself having a hard time doing the same when he returns to sit next to the plaintiff, patting her on the back during difficult moments. Unbeknownst to me, the defending lawyer may have been practicing for two years or twenty. But their skill wanes next to Harry’s, even though he’s been practicing for less than ten years. I can’t stand to watch the discrepancies and weaknesses in his arguments. Luckily, my break is over and I don’t care to waste my time watching Mr. Bow Tie over here. 

I quietly leave a few minutes into his opening statement, hoping one day I can evoke as much emotion as Harry with my words. And hide from my face all of the ones that I’m feeling inside. Walking back to my department, a smile curls the edges of my lips. But then it falls, because I realize the mistake I made. 

I just fell a little bit harder. Again. 

+

“I’m gonna bring the dishes down,” I mumble, watching him nod at me. 

The wooden steps creak with my weight as I juggle the tray of barely touched food. A bowl of chicken noodle soup. A piece of toast. And apple slices with peanut butter. 

Options, options, options. 

The plastic tray hits the counter with a hard slap, and an accentuated huff. I bend down and grab tupperware from the drawers. As I pour the soup into a container, the slam of a door upstairs makes me jump. My thoughts fly to the soup spilled all over the counter, but they stop when I hear another noise. Besides the tv in the living room, it’s the only other one I hear. It pulls my feet out of the kitchen and through the living room until I’m at the stairs. I take the steps two at a time until I’m at the top. The terrible sound carries down the hallway, leading me to the bathroom door. 

I nervously rap my knuckles against the door. 

“I’m fine,” my dad says from the other side, coughing. 

“Dad, they said if it gets bad-.”

“It’s not bad yet,” he interrupts. There’s a pause when he blows his nose. “Please, Ree, I just want to be home. I hate having to go there.”

“I know, dad,” I reply, sighing when I hear him start to vomit again. 

Walking away, I give him privacy. And my ears a break from one of my newest least favorite sounds. My fingers drift to my back pocket, sure of their actions before I am. Exhaling, I take a seat on one of the stairs.  

It rings and it rings. 

“Come on, pick up,” I mutter, bouncing my leg. 

Kneading my temple, I listen to it continue to ring. And ring. Finally, it stops. But I’m not greeted by the sound I want to hear. Instead I hear their voicemail, making me groan. I listen to the old recording I’ve heard time and time again, but this time I just want it to go away. So I can hear the instructions, and that final beep.

“Hey, it’s me. J-just call me back when you get this, please,” I say quickly, the words running from my lips. Alongside the tears. 

Dropping my phone onto my lap face down, my head falls in my hands. Noises surround me. Those of everyday life bustling around me. The sound of the laundry machine whirring downstairs. The hum of the tv. And the ones I try to ignore coming from the door behind me. The sound of the crying. And the vomiting. 

I can’t keep my hands still. They go to rake through my hair. To cover my face. To play with my fingers. To make fists. I even try to sit on them, and it doesn’t help. And I can’t stop bouncing my legs, as my nerves jitter from the thoughts.

 The worries.

The uncertainty. 

It feels like an hour before I hear my twinkling ringtone. But when I see the time on my phone, it’s only been eleven minutes. I barely take the time to look at who’s calling before I answer it. 

Clearing my throat, I say a shaky ‘hello.’

“Hey, I got yer message. ‘m sorry I didn’ answer, I was inna late meetin’, but I can talk now. ‘s everythin’ okay, Becks? Ya don’ sound so good, love,” he inquires. His caramely voice is the first comfort I’ve felt all day. My respite from this mayhem. 

“No, I’’ll um, let you go. I don’t want to interrupt your meeting. I can call later,” I insist, guilt weaving its way into my words. 

“No, yer okay, Becks. I stepped out. It wasn’t anythin’ important, anyways. I can have Myles tell me later. Now, wha’s goin’ on?” he tells me, but it doesn’t revoke all of the guilt consuming me. I grimace at the pain from my chapped lips when they smash together, salty tears flowing over their cracks. “Becks, talk t’ me, please. Yer not a botha, not ever. Please tell me wha’s wrong.”

“Harry,” I begin, not capable of any other words. Because that one has been constant in my head for the last twenty minutes. Ever since it started. It’s the one I’ve been holding in, and not been able to say, until now. 

“‘m here, Becks,” he says. Never did I think three words could be so comforting. And at the same time, hurt so much. Because they’re true, and then they’re not. I want them to be true so badly I feel it in my veins. 

“M-my dad . . . he won’t stop throwing up and I don’t know what to do. He had chemo yesterday, b-but it went fine. And then we had dinner tonight, and he hardly had three bites, before he got sick. It’s been like that all day,” I confess, leaning against the staircase railing. Letting it hold me there, because nobody else can. Because I can’t do it for myself anymore. “This happens sometimes with the chemo, b-but . . . . . it was getting better recently. I think I should bring him in like they said, but that means staying the night in the hospital. Again. I’m just so tired, Harry, I want all of this to be over already. I want him to be okay, and I want to feel what it’s like to be okay again.” I can’t get out another word, because the tears consume them. And the anxiety. And the exhaustion. My head falls to my knees and the hand cupping my mouth slides away. 

“I think ya should bring ‘im in, Becks. ‘Specially if they said so. Don’ want ‘im t’ get dehydrated, that certainly won’ help things,” Harry murmurs, his voice quiet and controlled. “I know ya don’ wanna be there ‘gain, ‘specially twice in tha last two days. But he needs their help . . ‘s there anybody who can come an’ be with you? Maybe that aunt o’ yers who was at tha hospital that night? Robbie, or Skye? But I s’pose they’re 3 hours away in London . . . ,” Harry sighs, his words trailing off into the air. For some reason I nod, glad to hear that my reasoning for not wanting to ask them to come is valid. 

“Yeah, it’s just me here. That’s how it’s been. Robbie and I switch off . . . But my dad doesn’t want me to bring him in, he hates going there. Being poked by them and everything. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day,” I cry, the tears soaking the knees of my ripped jeans. 

“Ya hafta bring ‘im in, Becks. What if ‘s sumthin’ else, like tha stomach flu or sumthin’ worse? He needs t’ be able t’ eat an’ drink in order t’ get betta,” he urges, and finally I decide to listen. 

Nodding at his words and the truth they hold, my lips part, “I know, you’re right. I-I’ll bring him in. T-thanks, Harry, for answering your phone.”

Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I sit up slowly. “Course, Becks. ‘m sorry I was a li’l busy when ya first rang . . . Um drive safe, ‘kay? Maybe bring yer laptop t’ do schoolwork or even jus’ t’ watch Netflix. Sumthin’ t’ distract yerself - a book, or headphones fer music.” His suggestions meet my ears, but they go through one and out the other. They’re not the kind of distraction I want, I think selfishly, but the kind I want, I can’t have. Because it’s you. 

“Yeah, I’ll bring something. Thanks, Harry. Have a good night,” I say in almost a whisper, exhaustion stealing my words. 

“Yer welcome, Becks. Lemme know what happens, ‘kay?”

I mutter an ‘mmmmhmm’ before hanging up, and trudging up the stairs. Listening for the sound again is hard, because I don’t know what I want to hear. Part of me doesn’t want to hear the vomiting, but the other part oddly does. Because if it stopped then he’ll try to convince me that we don’t have to go in. But I hope it hasn’t, because there’s something at the back of my head telling me we have to. Making me think we need to, because something’s wrong. And I know that if he’s stopped, he’ll tell me that there’s no reason to go in. 

My gray striped socks stop on the hardwood floor in front of the door. I knock before I can convince myself to wait. “Dad?” 

No answer. 

“Dad, I’m bringing you to the hospital. Something’s not right, I just know it. You need to be looked at, and they can help,” I plead from the other side of the slab of wood. A sigh meets my ears and the shuffling of a body. 

“Okay,” he relents. I push the door open and am met with his tear-stained face. 

Trying to ignore the smell I’m by now used to, I wet a washcloth at the sink. Returning to his side, I bend down and wipe his face with it. And then his mouth. Tossing it in the laundry bin, I wash my hands. Watching him as I do so, his frail figure is slumped against the closed toilet. Embarrassment blanketing him like a sheet. 

“It’ll be okay,” I try to tell him. But as I watch his barely there nod, I’m not sure if I believe it either. “Let’s get you downstairs to the car,” I say, drying my hands. 

It takes us awhile, to stand up together. To get down the stairs, one step at a time. To slip on his coat. To grab my things. And to drive to the hospital as he threw up into a bucket beside me. But we got there, and the worst part still awaits us. 

It pains me to leave his side, but I can’t handle watching them stick him with needles. Or the blood. Not after everything that’s happened in the last 7 months. Combing my hair out of my eyes, I begin my walk down the hallway. Yet another one. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey,” I respond to the voice I could pick out of a crowd. I try to prepare my words, but I’m not sure what to say. I’m so tired. “I’m at the hospital with dad. Everything is okay. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day, he’s been throwing up off and on. And after dinner, it got worse. They’re taking some blood now to run it for labs. I’ll let you know what I hear.”

“Shitttt,” Robbie replies, holding out the last syllable. Just like our dad. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Ree. I’m surprised he let you take him in, but thanks for doing that. Yeah, I guess all you can do is wait until they have the tests back. Hopefully you two can go home soon,” he says quietly in a tone the polar opposite of the one he answered with. 

I echo his words with a ‘me too’ before there’s nothing else to be said. And I let him go. I call Skye too to tell her, and because I can’t go back yet. I just need some time. She talks my ear off, but I’m grateful for it. She tells me about work, her newest boyfriend, the weather, and a show we’re watching together. 

After I finally get away from her jabber mouth, almost half an hour has passed. I find my way back to his room in the Emergency wing. As I walk in, he shoots a tired smile at me. One I can barely make out amongst the dark room. 

“Early bedtime?” I ask, sitting down on the edge of his bed. He nods, barely able to keep his eyes open. 

“Yeah. They did all their tests, and said it would take a little while, so fluids, anti-nausea meds, and naptime it is.”

“Good,” I respond, wrapping my fingers around his. Squeezing them, his dusty lips offer a laugh. Or the closest thing to one. He tries to squeeze back, but I barely feel it. It’s nothing compared to when he’d nearly break my fingers giving my hand a squeeze. Somehow his hands look older than the rest of him as I look. His skin wrinkles among his bulging veins, liver spots, and freckles. 

“You should too, baby girl,” he replies, surprising me. My eyes return to his face where he’s opened his eyes to look at me. “You look exhausted too. Get some sleep, I know it’s been a lot taking care of me for this long.”

“Dad,” I begin, an argument forming in my voice. But I don’t get any further than that.

“You know it’s true, and you’ve been doing a fantastic job. Don’t let yourself think any different,” he insists, the area above his eyes raising. But it doesn’t have the same effect with his dark eyebrows absent from his expression. A whimper escapes my lips as tears obscure my vision. Lifting our joined hands, he brushes the back of his hand over my cheek. “Come here, my baby.”

It confuses me when his clean scent doesn’t surround me. But it’s there in a hint when I bury my face into his neck. His right arm pulls me against him, and I cry into him. It’s one of the only times I can remember doing this since this all started. I want to stay strong in front of him, but sometimes it’s too hard. I feel a warmth on my forehead, and my lips break into a smile at his trademark forehead kiss. “Get some sleep, sweetie. They’ll wake us with the results if they need to,” he tells me. I nod into him, feeling him scooch over for me to lay more comfortably beside him. 

+

My words are taken away with a whooshing sound just as a ding meets my ears. A bubble appears at the top of my phone screen. With widening eyes, I hold down the bottom button for volume on the side of my phone. Peeking across the room, I exhale watching his chest lift and fall with every breath, his snoring greeting the air. My attention returns to the dings coming from my phone. I read the first one. 

Me - a few minutes ago

Tests came back positive for some type of bacterial infection in his digestive tract. Starting antibiotics now. Keeping him overnight and until further notice for observation because infections can be scary with weak immune systems like his.  

Harry

thx for the update. glad 2 hear it isnt anything 2 serious. its a good thing u brought him in when u did becks. thinking of u and him. 

Me

Thanks so much, Harry. I’m glad I did too. Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch again, yay!

Harry

get some zzzz’s love. might be a long nite. dont forget 2 eat. 

Me

Goodnight 

+

My eyes don’t want to believe the clock when the growling of my stomach wakes me. Shuffling into the hallway rubbing my eyes, I swear under my breath. 

“No fucking way it’s only 11 o’clock. Why can’t it be 8 am or something?” I groan, trudging down the quiet halls of the oncology wing. But I’m glad for the quiet compared to the craziness of the E.R. earlier. 

Dropping my hand, I’m welcomed once again by the stinging fluorescent lights. And the packaged foods waiting for me behind the glass. Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I scan the many choices. Hmmm, salted nut roll for once, hostess cakes, sour patch kids, hard pretzels, jelly beans, or Cheez-Its? I wonder to myself, blinking the sleep from my eyes. 

Another ding meets my ears. But when I lift my phone to my face, there isn’t a new text popping up on my screen. There are some, but they’re from an hour ago or longer. Weird, I think, staring at the screen and reading the words. 

There’s a cough as somebody clears their throat. “We’ve gotta stop meetin’ like dis,” they almost laugh, making me turn my head without a choice. 

[chilling-seavey]

Anything But Mine (d.s.) - Chapter Twenty-Three

A/N: A chapter just in time for Daniel’s birthday! 🥰 Maybe I’ll post two to celebrate? 🤔

T/W: brief mention of abortion

Tuesday, July 28th, 2020

“Well it’s good to see you have some company this time around.”

Florence smiled at the doctor from her place on the white clinic bed. Her blouse was pushed up past her swollen stomach, the clear gel spread messily over her skin. Emilio stood on her other side, a gentle hand on Florence’s arm.

“So, thirty-five weeks, we got a solid heartbeat here.” The doctor stated, dragging the wand across the gel, the rapid rhythmic beating echoing gently through the room. Florence watched the screen with wide eyes, seeing the almost fully formed baby there.

“I think it has my nose.” Emilio whispered to her. She smacked his chest playfully.

“You didn’t want to find out the sex after all?” the doctor asked.

“I don’t know. I’m still on the fence.” Florence chuckled.

“No harm in that.” The doctor shrugged. She took a few notes on her paper as she checked the baby’s movement, breathing, muscle tone, and amount of amniotic fluid. The hour went by quickly and smoothly, filled with suggestions for the next month by the doctor in preparation for the birth. Florence held onto a few pamphlets she was handed as they left, Emilio leading her to the car as she flipped through them.

“Oh my God.” Florence sighed as Emilio helped her into the passenger side of his black BMW.

“What?” Emilio asked.

Florence shoved an open pamphlet in his face, a list of post-partum creams and routines listed in bold font. “I forgot my vagina turns into a post-apocalyptic world after birth.” She stated plainly.

“Ew, did not need that visual.” Emilio shuttered and gently pushed the pamphlet away from his face. He closed the passenger side door and let himself into the other side.

“And you bleed for like…six weeks straight.” Florence added as he reversed out of the parking spot.

“Way too much information.” Emilio shuttered. “Again, did not need to know that.”

Florence shrugged, looking back at the pamphlet in her hand.

The previous seven months had gone by fast and a lot had changed as well. Emilio and Grayson soon fell into a civil and friendly relationship, realizing they were both sort of stuck under the certain situation. Tensions had since eased and Florence felt more comfortable around both young men since everything had settled into a unique reality. She was still extremely nervous, however, as she was carrying around the silent burden of who was the father of her unborn child. It was a sticky spot to be in and the guilt she had was heavier than the twenty-five pounds she put on by the start of her third trimester.

Florence’s apartment was arguably the one consistent thing in her life. Although expecting her second child, she could not afford to upgrade to a three bedroom and was therefore stuck with the place she had. Callum was still sending a consistent amount each month for her rent which helped greatly.

Emilio parked in the underground garage beneath the apartment building and the two took the elevator to the familiar 25th floor. Grayson had already arrived earlier that morning, gladly offering his assistance in putting together the crib in the master bedroom. That’s right where Florence and Emilio found him, quiet music playing through a Bluetooth speaker as he sat on the floor surrounded by tools. Clementine sat nearby, a small plastic bowl of cut up strawberries set in front of her as she watched Grayson work.

“We’re back!” Emilio called, falling onto the neatly made bed on his stomach, glancing over Grayson’s work.

“How was it?” Grayson asked, looking up from the floor, pushing his messy hair back from his face. “Everything still okay?”

“Everything is perfect.” Florence nodded, setting her hands on his shoulders. “This looks great, Gray.”

“We’ve been working hard, haven’t we, Clem?” Grayson looked over to the eighteen-month-old who nodded excitedly.

“I knew I shouldn’t have gotten rid of the old one.” Florence sighed, sitting on the end of her bed.

“New is fun.” Emilio shrugged.

“I agree.” Grayson nodded, pressing the screwdriver into the last beam and turning it clockwise. Clementine crawled over to him, her small hands pressing onto his light blue pants with white stripes as she got herself to her feet. She reached for the screwdriver as Grayson pulled it back.

“All done!” he told her, tickling her sides.

“Please.” Clementine whined, reaching for the bright orange handle that he held behind his back.

“Grownups only, remember, Clemmy?” Grayson said, starting to pack up his tools.

“The nap was okay?” Florence asked as she picked up her daughter from climbing over Grayson.

“Yep. She slept a good hour. I got her up at 2.” He said, also getting up from the floor. “We’ve been having fun. She’s been a big help. I think she’s going to take after me with her building skills.”

Grayson tickled the toddler’s side and she giggled loudly, slinging her arms around her mother’s neck.

“We should get ready to head out.” Florence said as the group headed into the living room. “I’m going to throw on a dress.”

Clementine was passed over to Emilio and Grayson set his tool box on the kitchen island before unzipping his bag that was on the stool. He took out a new shirt and slacks and the two separated to different rooms to change in preparation for their plans for that night.

Once dressed and touched up, Florence came back into the living area where Emilio had Clementine situated on the floor with a puzzle. Puzzles were Clementine’s new favourite toy.

Florence set her purse on the island and shuffled through it, “So-“

“I got dinner at 5, bath at 5:30, and bedtime at 6 if you aren’t back.” Emilio finished without even looking up.

“And there’s-“

“Left over spaghetti in the box in the fridge and I should warm it up but make sure its not burning.” Emilio sent a small smirk in Florence’s direction.

“Yeah.” Florence sighed. “What would I do without either of you?”

“God only knows.” Grayson tisked playfully as he emerged from the bathroom dressed in a black t-shirt tucked into olive green slacks and finished with his usual designer belt. He set a hand on Florence’s shoulder, his other ruffling through his mess of brown waves.

“We’ll be back as soon as we can.” Florence said.

“Don’t rush.” Emilio assured her. “We are going to be just fine.”

“Like every time.” Grayson added.

“Tell mama that we’re fine.” Emilio whispered to Clementine.

“Fine, mama.” Clementine whispered through a grin, leaning into Emilio’s side.

“Now let’s get a move on. Daniel didn’t take it well the last time you were late for a meal with him, remember?” Grayson shook his keys in the air, ushering Florence towards the door.

“Wait! I can’t forget my pamphlets.” Florence grabbed the small stack from the table and rushed after him.

“Good luck.” Emilio said more to Grayson than anyone. The other boy rolled his eyes teasingly before closing the door behind himself and Florence.

~~

It was approaching 4pm as they arrived at the restaurant, Grayson’s light blue Porsche earning many glances from on lookers as he handed the valet his keys and helped Florence into the building. The casual restaurant was bustling as the hostess led the pair to their table. Daniel was already there, sat next to a brunette girl on one side of the booth. The girl was named Cayleigh and she was Daniel’s new girlfriend. 

They had been dating only a couple months, meeting near the end of the school year on an app that Florence didn’t care to know the name of. Cayleigh was a nice girl and Daniel seemed to really like her but there was something about the whole situation that just made Florence annoyed. She was not looking forward to sitting through an entire dinner with them and having to deal with Cayleigh’s overly chipper personality.

When Grayson and Florence got to the table, the friends greeted each other happily, Florence plastering on her best fake smile that she had perfected over the years of attending boring functions and dinners with her parents and brothers.

Cayleigh was quick to start with an excited, “How was your appointment today, Florence? I haven’t seen you in so long! You look like you’re ready to pop!”

Grayson shifted awkwardly at the slightly controversial statement and Florence gritted her teeth through her offence, replying with a simple, “It went well.”

While she was pregnant with Clementine, Florence’s body was going through massive changes for the first time, meaning she was barely showing well into her fifth month. Now, with a second child, Florence was shocked to see the difference in how easily her body stretched, the massive weight gain and large, round belly being a sensitive topic to the still young girl. Of course, having Cayleigh of all people point it out so bluntly made Florence’s cheeks flush with anger more than embarrassment. She covered it with a long drink from her water glass and hid her pamphlets deep in her purse.

“How have you two been?” Grayson asked, trying to turn the subject away from Florence as she was clearly already on edge and dinner hadn’t even begun.

“We’ve been fine.” Daniel said. “I’ve managed to pick up a few gigs around the city this summer.”

“And I’ve been working as a sports camp counsellor. It’s so fun.” Cayleigh boasted. “The kids are so crazy but literally relentless. Plus they all love me, so it’s good.”

“I wish we could see each other more but things have been busy.” Daniel said quietly, offering Florence a gentle smile from across the table. She could barely force one in return, her eyes focussed on the minimal space between the two love-birds across from her, Cayleigh’s hand rubbing against Daniel’s thigh. Florence drank more water.

Dinner progressed slowly, lighthearted chatter filling the space between the group of four as they ate. It had been a while since Florence and Daniel had a moment to talk once summer started, although their relationship was never quite the same after their little hiatus in the fall. She knew he was always there for her but things were simply different. Plus, Cayleigh coming into the picture put even more of a strain on their already weak relationship. At least from Florence’s point of view.

But Daniel adored Cayleigh and that was clear. They were almost never apart and whenever they were seen together they were always touching. It was like they couldn’t keep their hands or eyes off of each other. Daniel would stare at her when she spoke, seeming to absorb the way her lips moved and how her brown eyes would squeeze closed when she laughed. Florence hated that she noticed that.

She was glad Grayson was there, though. Even in their simply platonic standing, Grayson’s presence always made Florence feel calm. He told the group a story of how he had been getting into building in his spare time that summer. Grayson always spoke loudly, especially when he was excited about something and a few customers at other tables glanced their way as he continued his story of his recently constructed coffee table. Florence leaned into him, her hand falling to his leg. He shifted a little, almost in a movement to get Florence off of him but he didn’t miss a beat with his story. Florence frowned but turned quietly back to her meal.

Florence pushed the remining food around her plate with her fork before breaking the conversation with a gentle, “I have to pee.”

Grayson stopped his story and quickly got up from the table, letting her slide out of the booth ungracefully.

“I’ll join you!” Cayleigh said, getting up from the table as well.

Florence sent a small glare in Grayson’s direction but he merely smiled in response as he sat back down in his spot. The girls walked slowly across the dining room to the washroom and Cayleigh held open the door for them. Florence thanked her quietly before getting herself into a stall, having to wiggle her swollen stomach through the small door opening.

“Isn’t Daniel amazing?” Cayleigh spoke from the stall next to her.

Florence, now shielded by four walls, rolled her eyes, “He is.”

“He’s literally so sexy. I have no clue how you haven’t snatched him yet, girl.” Cayleigh’s voice echoed through the empty bathroom.

Florence’s eyes widened at her statement and she ran a hand over her face. The whole dinner was tiring her out. Cayleigh was tiring her out.

“We are only best friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.”

“So I don’t have to worry about you stealing him from me?” Cayleigh teased with a laugh although Florence could tell there was a hint of seriousness in her tone.

“No.” Florence could hear Grayson in her mind telling her to be nice. She then asked a question she could have cared less about, “How are you two doing?”

“So good!” Cayleigh’s groan made Florence physically cringe. “Although we haven’t slept together yet. I’ve been trying!”

Florence gaped at the stall door at the girl’s bluntness.

Cayleigh flushed and Florence heard her approach the sink as she continued, “I mean I don’t know why he won’t. Sleep with me that is. He’s a literal man, shouldn’t they want sex all the time?”

Florence exhaled deeply, wishing she could have just gone to the bathroom alone, but she got herself out to the sink as well, starting to wash her hands. She caught Cayleigh’s expectant gaze in the mirror.

Clearly wanting an answer, Florence complied, “Daniel is not much of a physical person. He shows love in different ways. Don’t take it personally if he’s not jumping in bed after three minutes.”

“I guess.” Cayleigh shrugged, pulling a tube of lipstick from her purse and applied a generous amount of pink to her pursed lips. She fluffed up her light brown hair and made a face in the mirror that reminded Florence of early pubescent girls. Florence glanced at herself in the mirror, stood next to such a unique character. Florence’s knee length blue floral dress was pulled tight around her belly, and her blonde hair hung loosely over her shoulders. She couldn’t help but compare herself to the happy, wild, free-living twenty-year-old girl beside her; the girl who’s biggest worry in life was why her celibate boyfriend didn’t want to sleep with her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Cayleigh speaking through the mirror, “Okay but honestly though, have you seen Daniel’s fingers? Like, holy shit, can he put them to use yet?”

Florence forced a small laugh to hide her disgust, turning for the door so Grayson could keep her from screaming.

Much to her relief, dinner concluded not long after that, and with a quick one-armed hug from Daniel, Florence was back in the passenger seat of Grayson’s car. The exhausted sigh that she let out once the doors were closed made Grayson chuckle.

“That was awful.” Florence shifted in her seat, rubbing her hand over her belly.

“It wasn’t awful.” Grayson shrugged, pulling the car out of the parking lot.

“You didn’t hear what I heard in that bathroom trip.” Florence held her hands up. “I think I am traumatized.”

Grayson’s laugh filled the car and, like it always did, it made Florence crack a smile. She let her two hands intertwine on her lap, her gaze drifting out the window as the city lights zipped by.

“Well while you girls were bonding in the bathroom, Daniel and I had a nice chat.” Grayson spoke after a moment.

“That’s nice.” Florence said, not turning her attention from the window.

Grayson glanced at her before turning back to the road, “He asked how you were doing. Have you not been talking?”

“No.” Florence shrugged, nervously playing with the hem of her dress. “It hasn’t been the same. Not since Cayleigh is around. She takes all his time.”

“He says he misses you. That you haven’t been calling as much.” Grayson spoke gently.

“Because I don’t want to call him just to hear all the new details on his girlfriend and her new fucking lip gloss she bought.” Florence said sharper than intended.

“Why don’t you like Cayleigh?” he asked. “She’s nice.”

Florence held onto her two hands like it would save her life, “She’s taking him from me.”

“What do you mean?”

“We were starting to be better again and she took him away. Now we don’t talk anymore. I miss how things used to be, Gray.” Florence sniffled. “When I was pregnant with Clementine and there was no Matt and no drama and it was just Dani and me. And I was happy.”

Bright lights flooded the car as they pulled into the parking garage, Grayson’s soft sigh at her recently consistent tense emotions barely audible. He pulled into the parking space and put the car in park before turning to face her. The hormonal girl let out a soft sob into her hand.

“Are you not happy?” he asked quietly.

Florence took a trembling breath and shook her head slowly, almost ashamed at the admittance of it. “I keep hurting you. And that doesn’t make me happy. I’m stressed, Gray. So stressed. And I-I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when this baby is born and one of you is going to get hurt. I can’t do this! I just want to go back in time and change so much! Change my choices and my actions and everything! Fuck! I wish none of this happened! I just want this baby gone!”

The panicked inhale that followed her sentence made her choke on her tears, her free hand tightly grabbing a fistful of her hair as almost to punish herself for admitting such a thing out loud.

Grayson simply watched her cry, staring at her expressionlessly. His silence made her heart ache in her chest and she tried to smother her ridiculous sobs into her hand. Grayson ran a hand through his hair, his gaze falling to his lap with a sigh.

“I-I should go.” Florence hiccupped, reaching for the door.

“No.” Grayson said quickly, reaching for her wrist to keep her from leaving. “I just…this is a lot. And I don’t know what to think or what to do. It’s hard on me too. On both of us.”

“I should have gotten a fucking abortion when I had the chance.” Florence grumbled angrily at herself.

“Don’t you dare say that.” Grayson replied sharply. “I’m allowed to still be hurt, you’re allowed to be upset, but you cannot say things like that. That is not how you better yourself and that is not how you solve this situation.”

Florence took a shaking breath and wiped her eyes with her the back of her hand as she turned away from him slightly.

“Everything is going to be okay.” Grayson whispered, but he sounded more like he was convincing himself rather than her.

Florence wanted to believe him, she really did; but even his gentle words of assurance didn’t spark comfort in the girl. She was stuck in her own mind, spiralling to where she felt she was unable to be saved. But she let herself stare at the wall of the parking garage, missing what life was like before everything changed.

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 54

Today's episode of Quarantine is titled "Thanksgiving in May: the Pandemic Edition." We got some quite good news about my husband's dad, he's doing well enough that he will probably be moved to a rehab facility for awhile because they are optimistic that he might be okay for a bit longer. His health is super-fragile in like seven different ways, but he's tough and he is hanging in there, so we'll just keep praying! In anticipation of that happy event, I took his phone and charger, which he did not have in the hospital because he's been sleeping almost all the time and also because of deeply arcane rules about fomites, and I wiped them both down with 70% isopropyl alcohol and then sealed them in a ziploc bag, which I marked with the date. The novel coronavirus appears to only live on hard plastic surfaces for a limited amount of time, so a phone that has been wiped down with alcohol, sealed in a baggie, and put in a sunny spot for a few days ought to be as close to safe as we can get. We really want to be able to Facetime with him! 

Anyway, as sort of a celebration and because my mother in law already had a turkey breast defrosting in the fridge, I made Thanksgiving dinner. Usually Thanksgiving is a roast turkey, but we did our turkey breast up in the crockpot so we would also get turkey stock and because it is extremely low effort. I tried to make my grandmother's stuffing, but with bougie ingredients because we would've had to make a special trip to the store for the very specific and extremely basic ingredients that stuffing requires. I learned to make stuffing from all the women in my family because every holiday somehow involves all the women crammed into the kitchen and socializing or cooking or both all at once, but mostly from my mom, whose recipe is my paternal grandmother's. To make the family stuffing, you must have the following ingredients: 

Cheap stale white bread in massive quantities 

Imperial brand margarine (yes, the brand is important)

Frozen chopped white onion 

Celery

Chicken Bouillon Cubes 

Spice Classic Poultry Seasoning (this is a compromise solution, as Grandma's original blend was discontinued a couple decades ago)

The problem here was twofold, we are in quarantine and can't just be going to the store all willy-nilly, and my in-laws have a somewhat different food sensibility than my family. I ended up using: 

One loaf of brand-name wheat bread, made stale in the oven

Butter 

Fresh chopped sweet onion 

Celery 

Chicken Bouillon Cubes (I bought these myself on a previous visit because sometimes broth or "Better Than Bouillon" will not do at all.)

McCormick Brand Poultry Seasoning

It was definitely not the same as my family recipe, and of course it loses something from not actually being stuffed inside a turkey and roasted all day, but it had two full sticks of butter in it so it couldn't help but be pretty good. The gravy helped too. It was Williams-Sonoma but escaped being bougie because we bought it for 70% off after the holidays and therefore it is by definition awesome, plus it meant I didn't have to try and make gravy. Same for the cranberry relish, which was amazing. Rounded out the meal with brown sugar carrots, pineapple (because we need a fruit for Thanksgiving, I guess) and apple juice all around. We ate till we were stuffed, it was pretty great. 

Today was the first day of school on the new points plan for my son. We've been pretty ad hoc for the past month in terms of getting school done, but we've got another month and a half to go (We start school suuuuper late because so many high school kids work at Busch Gardens), and fatigue is already setting in for both the kiddo and me. He is getting frustrated by not knowing exactly what he needs to do and by wanting more electronics time, I am frustrated by the whining about wanting more electronics time. So I went back and dusted off a system we have used before, one that we developed while we were homeschooling, and tuned it up. Basically it involves a point system and two lists: a list of things you can earn points by doing, and a list of things you can spend points on. The basic units of exchange are that one point can be redeemed for ten minutes of electronics usage, and six points can be exchanged for a dollar. Larger point values can be redeemed for things like fast food meals, late bedtimes, and other special treats. Special treats are kind of thin on the ground right now since standbys like lazer tag and trips to the trampoline park are not available, but the important part is the electronics time. It is what almost all accrued points are redeemed for. 

He earns points first and foremost by doing school. In normal times, a full day of school earns twelve points (two hours of screentime or two dollars). Since these times are abnormal, we've revamped the school day to be a list of educational things that must be done. Finishing the list earns twelve points. A school day looks like this now (because this is dotted list day on Quarantine Journal!): 

Online class session with teacher and the rest of his class

30 minutes math practice on Dreambox, (sub in coding 1x/week)

30 minutes reading a book that is mostly words

30 minutes watching science or social studies videos, TedEd or Brainpop or similar, or doing an experiment

30 minutes creative art time, drawing, painting, building, etc.

Write 100 words, fanfic or any subject, spellcheck with Mom

We both like having lists and he really likes getting points, so this went very well today. He knocked it out in a few hours, even the dreaded writing, and immediately spent all his points on the iPad. The plan also allows him to earn additional points, mostly by doing chores and helping around the house. Today was just things like carrying trash, scooping the litterbox and cleaning his room, but chores like "doing loads of laundry" and "folding clothes" are lucrative enough that he's chomping at the bit to learn. I'll get this kid ready for college yet! 

Most of my spare time today was devoted to binge-watching a YouTuber I just learned about this afternoon, a woman named Micarah Tewers whose work is in the oft-overlooked niche of "comedy sewing tutorials." She is very, very funny. I still have no idea how to sew, but I feel much better about it now, and that's a good start. 

[ego-driven-one-wing-angel]

Send a number | Answers

Thanks again for 250 followers!!!

What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A penguin. I love them so much.

Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Sometimes I wear one of those “drug rugs” or baja hoodies. With shorts. And sometimes knee high socks. I HATE pajama pants. So if I’m cold I find alternatives. 

What song really gets you going?

Right now, Drinking Alone by Carrie Underwood. But usually Tranz by Gorillaz.

Where do you usually eat your meals?

At my dining table or in the family/living room with my mom.

Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

BRUNCH

Most embarrassing habit?

Sometimes I’ll pick my nose at the most inconvenient times like a child.

Chocolate or fruity candy?

Chocolate

Soft or hard tacos?

When I ate meat regularly, soft, with carne asada. 

Worst way to break up a fight?

Throwing a pan at them? Dude I don’t know. Wrestle them to the ground? I feel like either of those are terrible.

Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

“You’re all probably wondering why I gathered you all here today.”

What color/design are your bedsheets?

Teal. And my comforter is a black/white diamond pattern.

Any hidden talents?

I was a dancer for roughly nine years. So I’m pretty good at that.

Favorite thing to drink out of (mug, glass, etc.)?

My Star Wars Luke Skywalker lightsaber water bottle. 

Socks or bare feet around the house?

Bare feet man. Those who wear shoes in the house are weak and will not survive the winter.

 Favorite board game?

Clue!

Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

I don’t even own a fan.

Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Heat at 67.5 and a sweater. Perfection.

Do you sing in the shower?

Who doesn’t?

Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Tranz by Gorillaz. All time favorite song EVER.

Last thing you cried about?

Watching Zack die YET AGAIN in Crisis Core. I don’t think I’ve ever watched that scene WITHOUT crying.

At what age did you first have alcohol?

15ish. Wine.

Relationship status?

Single

What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

249$ A Guess coat that I absolutely adore.

What do you typically wear to formal events?

A modest dress. Heels. And a Louis Vuitton bag to match.

Favorite memory?

Probably almost getting arrested with my friends back when I was 17. We were at a closed park, after hours, past curfew, and it was like 3 am. We bought 64 tacos from Jack in the Box and pigged out in the venue. Super rad.

Gum or breath mints?

Gum

Favorite shoes?

Probably my Guess sneakers. I don’t wear them often, but I love the design.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My chubbiness. I’m not fat per say. But I’m not skinny either, but I want to look more like a classic, 1950′s pinup model more than anything.

What is the natural state of your hair?

My hair has very soft curls. Naturally, there more like “beach waves”

Have you ever had braces?

YES. WORST YEARS OF MY LIFE

Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Ghost hunting. I was illegally trespassing, and the building was real sketchy. 

Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

I’m just an embarrassment through and through. What haven’t they caught me doing. But I guess writing porn is a close first.

Last time you had an orgasm?

I’m a virgin who has never experienced anything remotely sexual. 

Celebrity crush(es)?

Sebastian Stan, Bill Skarsgard, Sam Claflin, Karl Urban, Sebastian Stan

Windows or Mac?

I’ve never owned a Mac, so I’m biased when I say Windows.

How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Six, seven? I was still quite young.

Makeup or natural?

MAKEUP

What color do you wear the most?

I wear a lot of neutral colors like gray.

Favorite season?

Winter.

Umbrella or rain coat?

Umbrella.

Have you ever fallen out of a tree?

No

First car you ever owned?

A 2002 Toyota. Super old, and the chip was painting off. My trunk also broke. Oil leak. Y’know, a traditional first car.

What time do you usually go to bed?

Anytime between 11-1 am.

Are you a competitive person?

Yes.

Least favorite color?

Orange.

First pet you’ve ever owned?

A cat :)

Sweet or salty?

Sweet

Favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli 

Favorite kind of chips?

Cheetos

Talk about something you’re passionate about.

Writing. I love being able to put my ideas on paper, let my thoughts and emotions run free in a world where I have to act a certain way. I can be anyone while writing!

What are some of your hobbies?

Writing

Drawing

Watching too much television

puzzles

Caffeine? If so, what kind?

I’m a tea gal. But I LOVE coffee. Especially mochas and caramel. With extra pumps of espresso. Hell yeah.

Favorite kind of pizza?

Ranch and Chicken or just plain cheese.

Fast food or sit-down restaurant?

Sit-down

Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

I love having a large circle, but I choose my best friends wisely. I only have about two or three of those and they’re the one’s I keep close to my heart.

Something that ruins your appetite?

This is a bit more dark, but my dad and I don’t bond outside video games. And he’s the type that believes it’s his way or no way no matter what. So if you get him angry he acts like a two-year-old who just got a toy taken away, and will try to push your buttons until you’re the same way. I saw the signs years ago, but whenever his anger is targeted at me I just don’t want to eat. I write instead. 

Favorite labels about you?

As in names? It’s near 1 am while writing this so I might have just gone stupid. But I love it when my friends call me cutie. Or my good friend Charlie calls me Smarties. And he’ll pull out a smartie from his pocket when he does it. I also get called Reid, as in Spencer Reid, a lot.

Are you a religious person?

Yes. I try to be at least. I’m Christian.

Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Night out. I spend too much time indoors with one friend as is.

What size shoe do you wear?

9

Favorite thing about yourself?

My confidence, or my keen fashion sense. 

Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

No.

Have you ever had sex on the first date?

No.

Heroes or villains?

Villains. (Sephiroth, Bucky Barnes, Loki, etc.)

Favorite fruit?

Pomegranates. 

Least favorite fruit?

Bananas. I’ll eat them, but there are a lot better choices honestly. 

Favorite vegetable?

Broccoli

Least favorite vegetable?

Brussels sprouts

How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

About a good three. First is salad. Second is fruit. Third is desert. 

Favorite dessert?

Ice cream. Bubble gum flavor is my favorite!

Do you play any sports?

Nope.

Age you learned how to swim?

Seven or eight.

Tell a funny story.

Maybe this is just funny to me, but earlier today my cat was trying to lick her coat but she set her front paw on a piece of paper and anytime she bent over to lick herself she slid and she would have to readjust herself. She did this like four times before she decided to move.

What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

As someone who is a part of the Navajo tribe, something neat is the more fat you have on your bones the more people respect you because they believe you have money.

What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

We can’t touch cold-blooded animals. It’s said if you touch the scales of a snake, or even breath in the same air, you’ll get the same skin as them.

What job would you be terrible at?

Accounting. I can’t do math to save my freaking life.

Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

TV shows.

What’s your favorite compliment to give?

“Cute Outfit!” or “Love the Hair!” You have no idea how many people light up on either of these, male/female/nonbinary. Looking good is a happiness found across all the spectrums. 

What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

“Cute hair.” Or “Love your makeup/nails.” 

Has your opinion changed on something recently?

I can’t remember. Like I said, it’s close to bedtime where I’m at and boi, it’s hard to concentrate right now.

Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

I order the same. 

What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

This sounds awful, but I’ve always wanted to try ecstasy. I have buddies who’ve taken it and say, if you do it right, the first time is pretty bomb. 

If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

Singing. I can’t carry a tune.

Favorite physical feature about yourself?

My eyes.

Least favorite physical feature about yourself?

My wide hip/waist ratio. If my waist was thinner I wouldn’t mind as much.

What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

OKAY. I scored a strike on Wii bowling while i was on the toilet one time. Two rooms away and not even looking at a screen. Just using my heart and determination and it was SUPER COOL AND I WISH PEOPLE COULD HAVE SEEN THOSE SKILLS.

If you could change your height, would you?

Yes. Everyone is a good foot taller than me. So I would most definitely want a few more inches.

What’s something you would rate 10/10?

Final Fantasy 7 Remake’s Character concept for Sephiroth. The eyes, the height, the hair. WOW. In love.

Heels or flats?

Heels

What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

Politics. I want to get more involved but every time I do I get so confused.

Would you want to be famous?

I wouldn’t mind. But I value my private life.

What’s something you would get arrested for?

Well I already almost got arrested for eating tacos in a closed park at 3 am. So maybe that.

What’s your spirit animal?

A cat. 

What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

The fact that I graduated high school. I was developing anxiety and literally had no idea what the frick was happening with me and no one told me what it was. So I ended up skipping loads of school for that reason. 

Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

Organized mess. Or just a mess. 

Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

The future.

Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

Planner. I hate when things are sprung on me last minute. I have to emotionally prep up before a social event so 5-10 business days are needed.

Thoughts on the oxford comma?

I was taught to use it, but it’s literally so useless? I found myself either not using it or just doing it on instinct. So in one story you could probably find multiple instances where I use it and where I don’t use it, maybe in the same paragraph. I just do whatever fits that moment I guess.

What do you hope never changes?

My squad. I love them to pieces and it would break my heart if at some point they’d want to split.

How would you celebrate your 100th birthday?

Something extremely dangerous like skydiving or zip lining across a canyon. 

[writersrealmbts]

Protect Them-Hybrid AU: Part 9

Description: Safe with Me Sequel! You work two days a week teaching kids the joys of learning and reading, your favorites being the triplets. When the triplet’s adopted older brother is the one that starts picking them up, you’re not sure what life just handed you but you’re pretty sure it’s just another little slice of heaven. Hoseok x Reader.

Warnings: I don’t even know, if you do, let me know and I’ll change the warnings.

Posted: 02/24/2019

Tags: Hybrid!au, hybrid!Hoseok, Safe With Me Sequel

Angst with fluffs: 2,496 words

A/N: Happy Part Nine! I’m weak and I’m posting early because I got responses to the quick census. I think you’ll be happy with the next part, which I will likely post on Wednesday! 

“It’s likely you had a complex-partial seizure,” The doctor said, smiling kindly. “I’ve looked at your file, and it’s possible given the damage caused to your brain in the accident. Your doctor even listed it here as something he was concerned about as a side effect. You’re lucky, you could have had a grand mal seizure. You’re normally on these medications, since the accident anyway?” He set a list in front of you. You read over it and nodded. A seizure. Of course. It made sense now. You had trained to help kids who had seizures as part of your first aid certification and now that the doctor said it all of the symptoms made sense. “This one is to suppress nerve pain, and is also used for people with epilepsy. It’s likely taking this prevented you from showing symptoms earlier. Or that you had similar seizures before and were unaware that they occurred. I’ve sent down these prescriptions for you, given the circumstances you’re in, and you should be able to pick them up on your way out at the pharmacy on the first floor.” “But she’s okay?” Hoseok asked. “I’d have to run more tests, but considering the seizure lasted under five minutes, I think she’s fine. We’ll get her back on her medication and hopefully that keeps them from happening again.” “Thank you,” You murmured. You were exhausted. “No problem. Get your prescriptions, get home, get some rest. Both of you. Kids, would you like stickers?” All three perked up, tails wagging excitedly, thanking him when they got their stickers. It was dark out when you pulled up to the summer house. Thankfully, your seizure had ended in the store, and you had insisted on checking out before going to the walk-in clinic (the closest thing the town had to a hospital). Hoseok had stopped and gotten pizzas for dinner because there was no way either of you were cooking. You had to direct Hoseok where to find the key in the treehouse from the ground, guessing more than anything, but he eventually found it and you all entered the house you used to come to every summer. It was nicer than you remembered, and looked like the interior had been remodeled in the past few years. “It’s nice,” Hoseok said, looking around. “Alright, first things first, get the kiddos set with some dinner. Y/n, you sit and eat too. I can handle bringing things in and making beds if you get them into pajamas.” “Deal.” You helped him put slices of pizza on plates for the kids and yourself, then sat with them at the table in the breakfast nook to eat while they ate. Minsu and Kaemon picked the pepperoni off, and Kae gave his to his brother. Nari ate like normal. Then after Minsu finished his piece of pizza, he ate the pepperoni. You got them into their pajamas with very little fuss, and managed to take a shower and change into your own pajamas, only needing Hoseok’s help to get the brace back on (while he ranted about how you could have hurt yourself). He then insisted on blow-drying your hair, at least partially. You then helped him tuck the kids in. They had all fallen asleep with Minsu in the end, an hour earlier than their actual bedtime. Then Hoseok carried you into one of the other bedrooms and tucked you in, seeing that your medicine was kicking in. But you would swear that you felt him kiss your forehead before he left. The first day at the summer house the kids were blissfully unaware of the trouble surrounding their trip to this magical place. They loved that they could play in the shallow waters, and Minsu had caught about five frogs by now, and all three of them adored the treehouse. Three days in the summer house had passed with relatively little to worry you or cause problems. Except Hoseok, but he was an eternal problem that you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to fix. He seemed hyper aware of you now, checking on you periodically, making sure you were okay, but even when you were perfectly fine and it showed—as you played with the kids happily—he seemed to have this look in his eyes that haunted you late at night. It was the fourth day at the summer house that you walked down to the corner market and got a paper, seeing the headlines. The lady who owned the market sent her twelve-year-old daughter to get Hoseok for you. “What happened? Did you have a seizure?” He asked the moment he entered the store, the truck parked outside the doors. You handed him the paper, a lump in your throat. “It’s over.” He frowned and read over the paper, confused about why you would be so upset, until he finished reading the title of the article. He inhaled sharply. “Your sister.” “Guess she really did change,” You choked out. He hugged you close, tight. “She was protecting you. She died to protect you.” “We should get back. The kids.” “Yeah,” He agreed simply, picking you up and carrying you to the car while you protested weakly. “Don’t deprive me of one of my few pleasures in life.” You snorted, but didn’t argue any further. You didn’t know how you felt, other than conflicted. On one hand, you could literally only count the nice things she’d done for you on that one hand. On the other, she was your sister. Your family. You powered your phone on, and texted Emma the address. An hour later, the triplets were screeching with joy, throwing themselves into their parents arms and being adoringly smothered by said parents. Four hours later and all of you were back at Emma and Jin’s, the kids running to Jimin, Jungkook, and three hybrid men you didn’t know, one of which had a very young toddler in his arms. Hoseok stuck beside you the whole time. It was in the evening that you and Emma were talking, Hoseok gone from your side. “She was working for the organization that was against us, the one that broke that vile thing out of jail. But she leaked all the information that they needed to take everyone down. She’s a hero. But that doesn’t mean that what she did to you in the past can be forgotten,” Emma said thoughtfully. “Some scars run deep.” You sighed shakily. “She was finally reaching out, honestly and good-naturedly. And now I won’t ever be able to find out if she really wanted to be in my life again. I won’t be able to replace the litany of terrible memories that she’s left in my mind with good ones. I think that’s honestly more upsetting to me. She finally changed, we might have finally had the chance to be and act like siblings and now the chance is gone. And for me, it seems like everyday I lose just a little bit more. I don’t know if I can take it.” “Oh, honey,” She sighed and held you a little tighter. “It’s going to be okay.” “It’s not,” You whispered, closing your eyes as the tears filled them. “What else is bugging you, hon? Hmm? Because I don’t think this is about your sister.” So you told her, everything from being afraid of living alone now that you apparently had seizures (even with the medicine), to how you felt like your heart had been ground into dust over Hoseok. How his smile made you feel like life was worth living, but knowing that he would never in his right mind give it to you made you feel like you were dying. You told her about your worry over finding a new job, a place to live, everything. All while crying your eyes out. She didn’t say much, small comforting things, mostly just letting you get it all out now that you were safe. She waited until your sobs were hiccups, and your tears had slowed. You were sort of limp in her arms, finding comfort in her. “You should talk to Hobi about it,” She finally said, gently brushing your hair from your face. “I know it’s scary, and I know it feels like too big of a risk right now, but if you don’t, you’re going to really hurt yourself in the long run. You can wait until you’ve recovered, but I think the sooner you do it the better it will be.” You nodded, then cracked a smile as she directed your hand to where one of her twins was kicking a tiny bit. “How are you doing?” “Well, normally twins come early, so I’m sort of worried, but the doctors were constantly checking on me at the sanctuary. If I don’t go into labor within the week, they’re going to do a c-section. I don’t think it’ll come to that though.” You sat up, smiling at her. “Why’s that? Did you have spicy food or something?” “Mmm, I could really go for some curry now…” She murmured, then shook her head. “No, but I should probably get Jin in a while and head to the hospital.” You looked at her. “You’re way too calm for someone who basically just said they’re in labor.” “I was in the hospital for two days with the triplets before they were born. You learn how long you can wait. Besides, they’re all cuddled up with Jin in this big pile of blankets and pillows and it’s adorable. Then Jungkook and Jimin joined them and it was even more adorable, so of course Hoseok joined them as well. Lots of good memories, and plenty of pictures.” She showed you one that she had taken. You grinned. She smiled at it as well, sighing. “Jungkook seemed so little when he first came, and grew so fast.” “The man that did those things to Hoseok…” “Tried to break into the Sanctuary. Thought he was there.” “And?” She shifted. “Jin put two bullets in his chest, and the police put a third in his head.” Her voice was surprisingly cold. “Good,” You said. She nodded slowly. “The files your sister released showed that Hobi was the first to survive him. Yoongi would have been killed too if he hadn’t been so strong. I’m not saying killing him was right, but I couldn’t sleep knowing he was out there somewhere. Hurting someone. Even if he had lived, he would have received the death penalty. He just got it a little sooner than he expected.” “Eomma?” Hoseok poked his head into the room, then froze, looking between you and Emma. You could see how he wanted to rush over and find out what was wrong, itching to try and comfort you because he couldn’t help it. He instinctively needed to protect you, that’s what he said. “Hey, Hobi. You okay?” She asked, her voice softer. He nodded tersely. “Everything okay here?” “Yeah, we’re just having some girl-talk. Can you go wake Jin, Hobi? Tell him we need to head to the hospital?” “Why?!” His tail fluffed out, eyes wide. She laughed softly. “Had to have these babies sometime, Hobi.” His shoulders relaxed dramatically. “Oh, right. Got it. I’ll go wake him up.” He handed you the box of tissues, then left. She lightly rubbed your back. “You okay?” “Yeah, I’ll be fine. You just focus on your babies,” You told her, leaning on her shoulder. “You try to relax. Don’t worry so much about you and Hobi. Everything will work out for the best.” You nodded, watching somewhat helplessly as she stood up and headed toward the hallway, slipping on her flats and her coat serenely as she waited for her husband. Jin came quickly with a bag, dressed again, and he kissed her. “You ready, baby?” “Yeah, honey. I’m ready. Hobi…” “I’m in charge, I know the drill. I’ll bring the kids in when you call.” He kissed her cheek, nuzzling it lightly. “Love you, Eomma.” “Love you too.” She looked over at you and smiled reassuringly. “Make sure she gets to bed at a decent time, yeah?” “I will.” He smiled at you. His hair was a bit messy from his nap and you just wanted to run your hands through it. Your heart ached as you watched how lovingly Jin looked at Emma as they left, the way he seemed to know what was enough attention and what was too much. You wanted something like that. You had something similar, but his heart wasn’t actually in it. Just his instinct. You wanted it because the other person loved you, really and truly loved you. And someone as amazing as Hoseok was way out of your league. “Hey, you still with me?” He asked, crouching in front of you. You nodded, giving him a fleeting smile. “Yeah, just…kind of jealous of her and Jin, you know?” He broke into a grin as he chuckle. “I do know. I mean, they have everything. Even if the past week has been absolutely crazy. They have the house, with the yard, and three angels sleeping upstairs with their adopted kids while they go to the hospital to give birth to two more angels. You know, they’re actually married? It’s so rare in the world of hybrids to actually get married, most just mate.” “But she’s human,” You pointed out, shrugging. “Marriage is something we sort of dream about. Some don’t see it as necessary and others believe it very necessary or right, or just plain romantic.” “What about you?” You dared to glance at his face for the very smallest moment. “I don’t know. When I was younger I dreamed about a wedding. My dad walking me down the isle, I’d have a sunflower and lily bouquet, and my family would be getting along. My mom would cry, and my sister would be my maid of honor. Instead, my father and sister are dead, and my mom is in jail and has refused every attempt I’ve made to visit her because I turned her in. And I’m allergic to lilies. I can’t even really walk.” “You’re getting better,” He reassured you softly, his eyes sad as he gently held your hand. “Am I?” You asked, then sighed. “It just feels like it never ends.” He nodded, then got up before picking you up. “You’ll feel better tomorrow, after you get some sleep. Do you want to go to the hospital with us?” You shrugged. “It’s a family thing. I don’t want to intrude.” “You won’t be intruding. You’re part of this family now.” He helped you pull the covers over you. “Besides, they’re going to be cute kids.” “They’ve got good genes,” You replied, half-asleep already. He whispered something in reply, kissing your forehead, but you were drifting to sleep too fast to make it out.

Masterlist.  ~  Part 8.  ~  Part 10.  ~  Masterpost.

Tagged: @jiminslye @musicandmusing @it-is-dana @kimmie113080 @bluebirdphantom