#for reference i'm using face... 4 i think it is? the one with the visible eye bags and that looks a bit older

[corfisers]

preemptively accepting that the graphics upgrade will mess up my middy's face and planning to fanta her into a lala who dates krile

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 4: It's My Party and I'll Eat Cake If I Want To

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter four of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 4.1K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing (a few times), Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC,

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect.  If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Masterlist for Series

Masterlist

************************

Philadelphia 1935

"Stop fidgeting." Your mother snaps under her breath as you pull at the high collar of the monstrosity covering your body. Not one inch of skin is visible, the high collar, long sleeves, and knee-length skirt hid every shred of your body from view. It made you feel like you were drowning in chiffon all the while being choked to death.

"But mother it's itchy-"

"I don't care." She snarls, lip curling back. "It makes you look presentable and you need to focus on greeting your guests."

You sigh and look back over the groups of people that flood through the front doors of your home and into the living room. Waiters in sharp uniforms weave through the crowd with trays of appetizers, glasses of wine and champagne, and slices of birthday cake. Most of the guests were friends of your parents, and had begun flocking to the wet bar in the corner that your mother set up. Your brother and his new wife were standing in the corner of your large sitting room surrounded by groups of their friends.

Your sister-in-law smiles as she catches your eye. She was one of the nicest people you knew, perfectly matched with your older brother, who looked at her like she was his entire world. They had only courted for a month before they both realized it was love and against your parent's insistences for them to wait, had been married. But they were so blissfully happy together that it made your heart ache for the same.

You wondered if there would ever be a day that Ben looked at you that way.

"Good evening Mrs. y/l/n." Howard appears in the doorway, reaching out to kiss your mother's hand. He's wearing the same sand-colored suit as he was earlier in the park.

"Mr. Stine. Lovely to see you this evening." She curtsies graciously and glares at you to do the same. "We are happy you could make it tonight."

"I was honored to receive an invitation." His eyes drift to you. "Ms. y/l/n." He takes your hand and presses a kiss to the back of it. His hand is clammy and you try not to make a face.

Ben still hadn't shown up. Which meant that he was either out drinking and he forgot, fighting with his father again, or he was waiting to make his grand entrance.

You really hoped that he hadn't forgotten. When he dropped you off at your home a few hours prior to the party, he said something about going to get a drink and changing. What you'd wanted to say was, didn't you have enough earlier, but you didn't.

The few hours before the party had been harrowing, filled with your mother snapping at you whenever you complained about her pulling the corset too tight, jerking your hair, or rubbing the lotions and ointments into your skin too roughly.

"Would you like to dance?" Howard asks you with a smile.

"Um-" You begin to say.

"Of course she would!" Your mother says all but shoving you forward into Howard's arms.

He leads you away to the sitting room. Your mother had the staff clear out all the furniture to make room for a string band in the corner and a dance-floor. There were already a few couples swaying back and forth to the soft tones that flitted through the air on wings.

Howard pulls you against him awkwardly, one of his hands tightening on your waist, the other clasping your left hand  in his sweaty right. Everything about dancing with him feels wrong. The way your bodies move together, the smell of his cologne is unfamiliar, the feeling of his hand on your waist, and the way his feet sporadically knock into yours, that are pinched tight in a pair of heels that make you taller than Howard. The dance you share is filled with silences that you can't avoid.

Silence.

"You look really nice." Howard tries.

"Thank you."

Silence.

"So, um- you like to paint." Howard says with a strained smile.

"I do."

Silence.

"Did you see President Roosevelt's plans for the Social Security Administration? I think that it will definitely help with taxation and the living situations in America!" Howard smiles.

"Um. No I didn't."

Silence.

It shouldn't be this hard to talk to other people. You think to yourself. When you and Ben talked, there were never any uncomfortable silences, if anything sometimes the silence was nice. The one between Howard and you felt like it was big enough for an oil tanker to pass through.

You heard a commotion at the front door and raise your eyes to look over Howard's head, and feel your heart drop into the pit of your stomach. Ben is standing there, his arm looped tightly with Missy Callahan.

Missy was your best friend in grade school, but you quickly realized that it wasn't your friendship she was interested in, it was Ben. And as soon as Ben realized that she was interested in him, he all but jumped at the chance. Ben and her spent time together on and off over the past few years since the three of you were thirteen. And as much as you wished that they wouldn't spend any time together, you couldn’t come up with a way to voice your displeasure to Ben without telling him that you loved him.

You tried not to compare the way she looked to you. Her beautiful blonde hair fell in effortless waves down her back, her figure was slim, her eyes an enchanting blue that captured anyone under her gaze, and her steps so graceful she seemed to float across the ground rather than walk. Her voice was musical and lofty, accentuated by her timeless features, perfect cupid bow mouth, and wide eyes that always seemed full of stars and innocence. Tonight she was wearing a sleek red dress that cupped her body in a way that made everyone else in the room look like they were wearing potato sacks.

Of course you knew she was more than innocent. You'd caught her on several occasions saying terrible things about you, but the feeling was mutual. Her snide comments about how you looked and what you wore used to hurt more than they did now. But when Ben was around, she was perfectly kind to you, overly sweet that it made you want to choke her out of frustration.

You watch the two of them come through the front door, and notice Ben's eyes survey the room. You fight the urge to duck and run to hide the horrible dress. You know that he's looking for you and deep down you hope also he doesn't see you with Howard. But at the same time you know that what you’re about to do is much worse.

"Howard." You force yourself smile at him, dropping your eyes to the man dancing with you.

"Yeah?"

"Will you twirl me?" You lean towards him as if he's everything you wanted. Deep down you feel like a terrible person for using him like this, but you didn't want to be lonely. And when Ben was with Missy, that's exactly how you felt, lonely.

"Of course." Howard's smile breaks your heart. He twirls you away, and as he does, you catch Ben's eyes momentarily. You see something flit through them that you notice is the same emotion he had earlier when your mother wrapped that coat over your shoulders earlier, but it's gone as soon as it appears.

When you land back against Howard's chest, you ignore how wrong he fits against you, and instead you giggle.

"So Howard, what do you like to do in your free time?" You ask him, ignoring the feeling of Ben's gaze on you.

"Well, I've been researching the steel industry and trying to predict how it will bounce back-" Howard begins to slip quickly into a monologue about the United States steel production and the possible growth in the coming years.

Oh boy. He continues to speak while you sway to the music and you immediately begin to regret everything you've done in the past few minutes. At least he can multi-task.

You hoped that Ben and Missy weren't still standing there watching you, if they were Missy was probably laughing at you.

Finally, Howard stops talking and leads you over to the living room where people have begun to clump up and talk with one another. A waiter walks over with a tray full of birthday cake and just as you reach for a slice Missy materializes on your right like the devil on your shoulder.

"Y/n!" She smiles wide, saying your name with fake cheer. "I had no idea you would be here!"

"It's my birthday party." You say, voice slipping into a monotone.

"Oh well Benjamin didn't say anything about why we were coming here. Just said party and well, here I am." You hate the way she says his name, like she's emphasizing the fact she has him and you don't. "What an interesting dress!" Her eyes skate down the abomination your mother picked out.

"Thanks." You reply through gritted teeth.

She leans forward to whisper in your ear. "Do you really think birthday cake is a good idea?"

Your cheeks blaze bright red and just as you open your mouth to tell her exactly where you’d like to shove the birthday cake, Ben appears beside her.

"Hey."

"Hi." You don't bother to make your voice cheery.

When I sent you a birthday invitation I didn't say you could bring a plus one, and especially not this bitch. You try to say with your eyes.

"Did you have a nice dance Howie?" Ben turns his eyes on Howard, who stiffens at the use of the nickname.

"Yes we did." You answer for him and take Howard’s hand.

Something flashes in Ben's eyes when you use the word "we."

"Oh Benjamin, I love this song! Let's dance." Missy says, grabbing Ben's wrist and pulling him away.

You stand there and watch them dance for a moment, noticing how closely they're pressed together, how Ben's grip on her waist tightens as they sway back and forth, how Missy's head rests against the smooth fabric of his black jacket. An irrational amount of jealousy crashes over you as you watch them dance together, but you can't look away. It's like a trainwreck.

Well, couldn't look away until Missy catches your eye and shoots you a smirk that makes you consider all the places in Philadelphia you can hide a body. The list is detailed and quite long, considering you'd been working on it for as long as you'd known Ben.

"Y/n?" Howard says.

"Hmm?" You turn to look at him. "Sorry I was-" Thinking about all the ways to kill Missy. "Lost in thought."

"I asked if you wanted a piece of cake." Howard smiles and you hate that you feel absolutely nothing when he does. There's no butterflies, no tightening in the center of your chest, no warmth tracing through your body like fingertips flaring against your skin. You hated that's what happened when Ben smiled at you.

You think about what Missy said about the birthday cake, looking once more at her statuesque figure that bends gracefully away from Ben as he dips her, and shove the thought away. "Sure."

**************************

You sit on the end of your bed, but you don't reach for your sketchpad, you were too angry for that.

Ben had barely said two words to you beside the hello that you shared when he came to your birthday party with the most odious girl alive, of course that didn't mean that you lost them in the crowds of people. And that also meant that you'd seen him and her making out in one of the dark corners of the living room.

Anger, frustration, and jealousy swirl together and congeal into a ball in the pit of your stomach. You were angry at Ben for bringing her, jealous of Missy that she was the one who got to be with Ben, and frustrated at yourself for your inability to tell Ben the truth.

Why can't tell him? You sigh. And then what? I tell him and he immediately cuts me out of his life? Your eyes trace the room around you and fall back on your bed. Your bedroom always seemed too big without him, the bed cold, and the  room dark. It made the whole in your heart open up when he wasn't there.

You hated how much you needed him and how much you depended on Ben showing up in your life. You wondered if he needed you too.

The memory of him and Missy in the corner, with his hands on her hips and his lips fused to hers, darts across your mind and makes you pluck a pillow from the head of your bed and scream into it.

It doesn't help.

"Hard day?" Someone asks.

"What are you doing here Ben?" You sigh, not needing to look up to know that its him.

He's standing with his feet on your window seat as he comes in from the ledge.

"Thought I'd stop by. We didn't get to talk much at the party." He shrugs.

You try not to look at how his lips are a little pinker than usual and how his hair is sticking up in the back like someone has run their fingers through it.

Damn Missy.

"Well I noticed you were plenty occupied. I guess it's hard to talk with your tongue shoved down Missy's throat." You huff, practically kicking off your shoes. It's a miracle that they don't hit him when he climbs down from the widow seat.

The image of him and Missy Callahan in the corner of your living room kissing flashes over your mind again and makes your temper flare red hot against your skin. The jealousy that electrifies in your veins you know is unwarranted. Ben wasn't yours. You didn't have a claim to him just because you were friends. Just friends. Great friends. And you knew that he didn't feel that way about you.

But how can he not see me as more? How can he spend so much time with me and only see me as a friend? You wanted to scream. All those times falling asleep talking with one another, all the times we woke up in the early morning pressed against one another. How can Ben not want to be more?

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound jealous Doll." Ben smirks.

"Of what? Missy Callahan? Please-" You blow a raspberry, even though it's unladylike and you know that if your mother was there she would slap you for doing so. "I don't know what you see in that vapid self-centered debutante. I doubt the two of you can find anything to talk about-"

"Well we don't do much talking. And you and Howard looked plenty cozy together." Ben's smirk turns more into a taunt and this time it makes you want to slap your best friend, but you hold yourself back. "But you sure sound jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" You snap, tugging at the collar of your dress in frustration, both at Ben and at the material in your hands. "Damn it!" You curse, not at Ben, but continue tug at the collar of the dress. Despite wanting to take it off, you hadn't been able to do it by yourself and your mother was busy ordering the waiters downstairs clean up, and it was getting harder to breathe and not to mention terribly hot.

"You doing okay there sweetheart?" Ben's smirk shifts to a worried expression.

"No I can't breathe." You choke out.

Ben immediately steps forward before you can stop him and unzips the back of your dress. It pools at your feet, making your breath catch, leaving you in the tight white corset that was causing you to asphyxiate. Although it went to your knees you still felt almost naked. Ben had only seen you in nightgowns, but it didn't mean that he hadn't felt your curves pressed against him in the morning when you woke up together.

The corset your mother insisted was necessary to shave down your hips, flatten your butt, and squeeze your breasts so tight against your chest that each time you took in a breath you weren't able to expel it.

Ben doesn't look away from your face, but it looks as if it's causing an amazing amount of effort for him to do so. "Do you want me to loosen it?" He rumbles. His jaw clenches with his words, and a darkness blooms in his eyes that sends a thrill down your spine.

"Yes." Your voice comes out more like a squeak than anything else.

Ben turns you in his arms slowly as if gauging your reaction, before you feel his fingertips trail down your spine as he begins to loosen the ties on the back. The tingle that follows his fingertips makes your chest as tight as the garment that squeezes you. You try not to think about how many times you imagined this exact scenario, with you and Ben in your bedroom together. Ben turns your body around so that you're looking up at him again, your faces so close that his lips are leveled directly where your hair sprouts from your forehead.

His hands remain on your waist, thumbs rubbing soothing circles through the material where it rests on your hips, tracing the crest of your pelvis with each stroke, his eyes lock with yours. They are deep and dark and filled with promises that makes you shiver and you're sure he feels. Your own hands have come up between you to rest against his solid chest, admiring the muscle beneath his dark suit. You can't help but notice how he leans forward into your touch as you do and feel the rapid beat of his heart against the palms of your hands. It mirrors your own that feels as though it will break free and flutter away.

"Ben I-" You begin to say.

A loud knocking at your door makes you shove him backwards away from you so hard that Ben stumbles, tripping over the edge of your bed and onto the ground with a loud thud that you try to cover with a cough.

"Who is it?" You ask, voice frantic.

"It's your father."

Your wide eyes lock with Ben's, who doesn't look nearly afraid enough. "Get under the bed-" You whisper-yell.

"I love it when you order me around." Ben smirks as your cheeks flush and his eyes trace your figure one more time in a way that makes you burn.

"Ben!" You hiss.

He crawls under the bed and you grab your bathrobe, wrapping it around yourself before saying "Come in."

Your father enters, a glass of scotch clasped in his hand. His black suit is impeccable, perfectly tailored to him, as it should be, he was, after all, one of the most powerful men in Philadelphia.

His gaze sweeps the room for a moment as if looking for someone, tracing over your bed once, and you think you see the end of his lip quirk for a minute, but then it fades.

"Hi." You smile at him, your cheeks still flushed, heart beat pounding against your ribcage.

Don't look under the bed. Don't look under the bed. Don't look under the bed.

"I apologize for the intrusion, I just wanted to say goodnight." He crosses the room to hug you with one arm. You can smell the tobacco from his nightly smoke on his jacket. You and your father had always been a bit closer than you and your mother. Especially when you were younger and you'd sit in the parlor at his feet watching him smoke his pipe before bed. Over the past few years you hadn't been able to spend as much time together, and it made you sad to think that you were growing apart from him.

"Did you have a good birthday?"  He pushes back some of the hair that's fallen into your face with a warm smile.

"Yes I did. Ben got me some new brushes and I got to try them out today when we went to the park."

"That was nice of him." Your father smiles for a minute before he takes a sip from his scotch. "I saw you dancing with Howard Stine."

"Yeah. He's…" Boring. "Nice."

"Hmm." Your father nods. "He's from a good family. Your mother certainly thinks that he's suitable-" He pauses. "But I'm not sure he's right for you."

"It was just a dance. I don't think that makes anything official." You laugh.

Please let my future not end with Howard Stine.

Your father shrugs his shoulders and takes another sip of his scotch. "Your mother and I started with just a dance." The look in his eyes changes for a moment and you wonder if he's reliving the memory of them together. It was moments like this when you saw how much your father loved your mother. It was difficult for you to understand given everything that she'd said to you over the years, but it brought you joy that your father was happy. He shakes his head as if pushing it away. "You always seem happier after you've spent time with Benjamin."

Your cheeks flush bright red, knowing that Ben can hear the conversation. "We're just friends."

"Perhaps." His lips twitch. "So you did have fun at the park? Any new paintings?"

"A few."

"May I see?"

Usually you liked when your father looked at your work, but the thought that Ben was hiding under your bed and could be discovered at any minute, set you on edge.

"Sure." You walk around the bed to get your watercolor pad on your bedside table, before holding it out over the bed for your father. And just as he takes it, Ben's large hand fastens around your ankle. You clear your throat, kicking your foot to get him to let go, but he doesn't release it  and you can hear his muffled laugh.

"These are quite something." He flips through the pages, finally stopping on the one of Ben from this morning. "I can't believe he sat still long enough for you to paint him."

"Ben is difficult. ALL the time." You grit out, kicking with your foot again, but he doesn't let go. "And annoying." You grumble low enough for only Ben to hear.

"Yes. I believe that."  Your father hands you back the pad of paper. "But he certainly makes you happy, and that's all I want for you."

"Dad-"

He smiles, but shakes his head at you. "Goodnight darling." Your father turns to walk towards the door before he stops. "Your mother will be coming upstairs in a few minutes, perhaps Ben should not be here when she does." And then he leaves.

Your entire body flushes bright red with embarrassment. HOW DID HE KNOW THAT BEN WAS HERE?

Ben crawls out from under your bed holding back laughter.

"It's not funny!" You snap.

"Kinda funny." He smiles. "Do you think he's going to tell your mom?"

"No. I mean I hope not. I think if he does, she'd nail the window shut and cut the tree down." You stand there for a second. "But you should go if she's coming."

"I could hide in the closet this time, see if she can find me?" Ben jokes.

"It's not hide and go seek or Marco Polo!"

Ben laughs at you, before his expression turns serious. "Are you sure you want me to go?" You know that he's asking you that because he knows that no matter what your mother wants to speak to you about will not end well.

"I'm fine Ben. Go. It'll be okay." You smile despite your rising nerves.

"Okay."

He stands there for another beat, eyes dropping to your robe, and for a second you believe that he's thinking about how you looked a minute ago. Your cheeks flush at the memory, feeling his hands trace your spine to loosen the corset, and then how they felt on your waist. What would have happened if my father didn't come in?

"I'll see you tomorrow. I still have five days of freedom before boarding school number seven and I'd like to spend at least one at a baseball game." He finally says.

"Sounds boring."

"I can always take Missy." He replies smugly.

"And by boring I mean it sounds like everything I've ever wanted." You force a smile.

"That's what I thought."

But before he leaves, he pulls you into a hug.

"Goodnight y/n. Happy Birthday."

"Goodnight Ben." You say into his shoulder.

And then he vanishes out your window without another word, leaving you with the memory of what almost happened, and the rising dread that your mother was going to come in at any minute.

*********************

Thank you so much for reading! If you would like to be added to my taglist for this series let me know :)

Also, everyone say thank you to @deans-spinster-witch for giving me an idea for this chapter! ❤️

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch

[twstbookclub]

Inked Blossoms

Summary: Jamil didn't think much of you when he received a flower basket. You were his new neighbor running a flower shop—nothing more, nothing less. So, why can't he stop coming by after visiting you once? POV: 2nd Person Pronouns: Gender-neutral Admin/Writer: Cressa🦋 Tags: Tattoo Artist x Florist AU, Tattoo Artist!Jamil, Florist!Reader, Fluff, Romance, Angst, No happy ending, sorry folks, Mentions of Blood and Self-harm, Use of Flower Language, Jamil's POV Word Count: 4, 025 Main Reference for Flower Meanings: Boeckmann, C. (2023, November 17). What does each flower symbolize? The Old Farmer's Almanac.

And I thought the Riddle fic I wrote is my longest one 💀 I actually had this plot in mind in the same month as I thought of the Riddle fic, which was back in April of last year. I only put in one link here, but I fact-checked every flower I used in this fic with other sources. Admittedly, when I wrote this, I received some heartbreaking news that morning and I cried my eyes out. I may or may not have projected those feelings into this and incorporated my previous experiences here. To all the Jamil stans, I'm so sorry that my first fic of this guy is long and angsty. I hope you all enjoy, though 💕

Jamil stared at the flowers on his parlor’s doorstep. Pink peonies and coral roses filled the twine basket, along with a purple flower that he didn’t know the name of. The arrangement emphasized the purple flowers, while there were a few peonies mixed in with the roses. What piqued Jamil’s curiosity were the leaves that lined the edges of the basket. He squinted, subconsciously leaning down to peer at the blooms at his feet.

“... Is that basil?” He mumbled, confused about the inclusion of a familiar herb. It was something he often used in his cooking, particularly when he was roommates with Kalim back in high school. That boy’s palate was too refined for anything bland and ready-made, so Jamil always had to cook with spices and herbs. It came to the point that the smell stuck to his clothes, even after a thorough wash in the laundry. Not just his clothes—even his hair. He already had a meticulous process with his hair care and bejeweled braids, so it was a nuisance.

He shook his head, before he took the flower basket in his hands. The blooms jostled a little, and a gentle hand pushed a peony back in place. Something nagged at Jamil to look to the left, for some reason. When he turned his head, the sign of the shop next door caught his attention.

“A flower shop, huh.” That was new. Jamil vaguely remembered this lot being sold recently, but he never thought it’d be turned into a store like that. It used to be an antique store owned by an elderly woman. She minded her own business, despite the weird and judgmental looks he received for the henna tattoos that decorated Jamil’s tan hands and arms.

Jamil’s eyes darted from the cursive letters of the sign to the flowers and plants displayed behind the glass walls. The name of the shop was painted on one of the walls in gold—above some of the artful arrangements of red roses, white carnations, and calla lilies. There was a shift of color behind them, and he narrowed his eyes again for a better look.

Someone was tending to the flowers. He could vaguely make out the color of their hair and the verdant apron over a white polo shirt. With the large bouquets in the way, Jamil couldn’t see a face. Sighing and shaking his head, he walked into his tattoo parlor with the flower basket in his arms.

If all his time in the city taught him anything, it was that nothing in this world was free.

Still, Jamil couldn’t help but wonder what the purple flowers were. They reminded him of tulips, but the petals were thinner and pointed at the tips. The stamen was visible, too. It was a stark contrast to the blooming tulips he knew: blunt-tipped and oval petals without the stamen being visible. He made a mental note to search about them once he went home.

Jamil found out that the purple blooms were called crocuses, and he wound up finding a website detailing the meanings of every flower imaginable. The flowers replaced the lamp that used to be on the table next to his bed. Every morning, he’d wake up to the colorful arrangement in a vase with his mind stuck on the meaning of each flower.

Maybe he should see what the florist was like. If they were like the antique shop owner from before, then Jamil would just remain polite and ignore them whenever he could.

On a slow and quiet day in the parlor, Jamil flipped the sign and locked the door. He shoved the key in his pocket, while his eyes drifted to the flower displays and bouquets through the glass walls. A blur of white and green moved behind them, but he still couldn’t put a face to the florist.

Jamil would have to see if he was curious enough to put a name to that face, too.

A chime echoed in the store once he stepped inside, and an onslaught of fragrance hit him. He noted that it wasn’t as powerful as the smell of spices, ones that he can taste from the scent alone. Still, it was strong enough to leave him a little lightheaded.

“Ah, welcome!” A voice rang through the back, behind an open door that led to what Jamil assumed was a small greenhouse. Sacks of fertilizer and clay pots filled with flowers peeked out of the metal shelves. The sight was obscured by a green apron, stitched with the same cursive letters of the store sign.

Charcoal gray eyes met lively, cheerful ones. The gloved hands that gripped the door frame were smeared with soil, maybe even fertilizer. Dirt smudged your cheek, but his gaze drifted to your lips. Your smile—too bright to be natural—was difficult to look away from. Something churned in his chest the longer he looked at it.

“Oh,” you mumbled, which made Jamil look back into your eyes again, “you’re my next-door neighbor. Hi! I hope you like the flowers. I’m, uh…”

A sheepish chuckle left your lips, making Jamil’s heart lurch. He resisted the urge to scowl at the feeling. He just met you, and he’d rather not make a bad impression. The tattoo artist came to your store to meet you like a proper neighbor, not to antagonize you.

“I came by to say hi, and you weren’t there. I had to get the shop ready and all, so I decided to leave the basket and hope that it stays there—” You sighed, took off one of your gloves, and ran a hand through your hair— “and I’m rambling. Sorry about that.”

Jamil watched you, anxious and fidgety, and he suppressed a smile. There was something amusing about how you acted like a mouse: squeaking and retreating at any sign of danger. Although, he highly doubted that you saw him as a threat.

You were just… shy. You talked a lot, but you were shy.

“It’s fine,” Jamil raised a hand and smiled, practiced and polite, “and I appreciate the flowers. Thank you. It’s a beautiful arrangement—you have a way with bringing out their natural beauty.”

He probably laid it on too thick. It was a habit at this point: butter up people to ease them, to let their guard down. Jamil merely planned to meet this florist to satisfy his curiosity. He never considered the option of befriending this person, much less engaging in a long conversation with you.

Your face lit up, as if something dawned on you in that moment. Chuckling, you stretched out the hand without the glove and gave him your name. It was followed with a cheerful, “It’s nice to meet you! I hope we can get along, um…”

“Jamil,” he shook your hand with that same, practiced smile, “Jamil Viper. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He noticed your eyes dart towards his hand and arm, inked with the traditional motifs and patterns of his homeland. Under the sunlight that streamed through the glass, your eyes seemed to sparkle. Your mouth parted in a silent, “Oh.”

“That’s so pretty,” you blurted out and continued to stare at the henna tattoos. Jamil simply watched you with wide eyes, but the surprise disappeared in that same instant. Your voice, loud and happy, filled the silence of the room.

“The amount of detail here is amazing, and—Oh, there’s even more tiny patterns inside another pattern. That’s so cool!”

Even though this much praise usually annoyed Jamil (it reminded him too much of Kalim), he found himself flustered. A faint warmth spread across his cheeks as he watched you marvel at the tattoos. You raised a hand, probably to trace the design with a finger, when you paused.

Your smile was frozen on your face, as if you caught yourself doing something embarrassing. Your own cheeks flushed in shame, before you pulled away with a nervous giggle. Jamil almost laughed at how ridiculous you looked at the moment.

He ignored the small voice in the back of his mind that called you cute.

It was supposed to be a one-time encounter. Jamil only visited your flower shop to see the person who opened a new business next to his tattoo parlor. He wanted to see whether this new neighbor of his was going to be tolerable or otherwise. One meeting was enough to deem you tolerable; someone that Jamil could politely wave to if you two happened to pass by each other.

So, why was he looking at a bouquet of irises and white jasmines right now? Why was he standing in your store on a Sunday morning?

“You’ve been coming a lot here lately.” Your voice rang from the back, much like how Jamil first met you. He looked over his shoulder to see you admiring the other flowers with a small smile.

“I don’t mind, really, and it’s nice to have you here. I just didn’t expect you to come here almost every day,” you clarified with a chuckle as you approached him. The telltale flush of your cheeks already told Jamil about how embarrassed you were to confess that. He watched you caress one of the petals of a hydrangea with a gentle look.

For a weekend, it was surprisingly quiet here. People flocked to your store during its first week, and Jamil observed all this in the comfort of his parlor. The window provided a clear view of what was going on, so he didn’t need to go outside. You became frazzled in a matter of moments—running around and arranging the flowers yourself—and that amused Jamil. Just a bit.

Still, you smiled throughout that hectic week.

Me neither, Jamil wanted to say. Instead, he answered, “It’s another slow day in my shop, so I decided to visit. I suppose it’s become a habit whenever I have nothing else to do.”

You chuckled, and Jamil pretended his heart didn’t skip a beat. He ignored the twitch of his lips, curling into a small smile. Oblivious to the look the tattoo artist gave you, you continued to admire the flowers.

“That’s fine with me. Besides, I like your company.”

Your shameless honesty was going to be the death of Jamil. The tips of his ears grew warm, and he tugged his hood over them. He already concluded that you were a thoughtful and considerate person after spending some time with you. You prepared tea and cookies, ones you yourself baked, every time he visited. Careful hands arranged the flowers by meaning and color, which already said enough about you. Being a florist sounded just right for someone like you.

Jamil briefly wondered what flowers you’d give him if you wanted to give him a bouquet.

He cleared his throat, mimicking a cough, before he shifted his attention to the irises and jasmines again. Ever since he searched the meanings of the flowers in that basket, he couldn’t help but be curious.

“Can you tell me what these mean in flower language?” He asked, glancing at you from behind his hood. Whether you found this action odd or not, you didn’t comment on it.

With a curious hum, you leaned over to look at what Jamil referred to and smiled wider. You replied, “Ah, irises can mean wisdom, faith, trust, valor, and hope. As for white jasmines…”

You raised an eyebrow at Jamil with a mischievous grin. He didn’t dare entertain the thought that you were being adorable from the action alone. He didn’t dare hope that the gesture actually meant something.

“They can mean sweet love, and the person who receives them is seen as friendly and pleasant.” You paused, before you suddenly left Jamil’s side and reached for the adjacent wall of flowers. Before Jamil could say anything, you already extended a white bloom under his nose.

Wide-eyed and bewildered, he stared at the flower in your hand. It somewhat resembled a rose in full bloom, but the petals were shaped differently. Another amused laugh echoed in the room. You took his hand, inked with intricate patterns that crawled his skin like vines, and placed the flower in it.

Jamil realized that it was a gardenia. This species of flora grew in some part of the botanical garden of his high school. He was only familiar with it because he used to pass by the area to relax, preferably alone.

“I think this suits you, though.” You hummed and returned to the counter with a spin of your heel. Jamil watched you wordlessly as you disappeared into the greenhouse. From where he stood, the tattoo artist saw pink and white camellias peeking through one of the shelves. He nearly jumped when your head popped out of the door frame.

“Oh, and can you help me carry some of these pots around? They’re pretty heavy, thanks!”

It was only until Jamil got home that he searched for the meaning of the gardenia. The bright laptop screen glared at him as he entered the keywords in the search bar. He clicked on the first result and—

Jamil stared at the words with darkening cheeks. His mouth became dry, and his tongue was tied into knots. His hand slammed the monitor shut, before he abruptly stood up and left for the kitchen. He needed some water. He needed to not think too much into things. You were going to be the death of him, Jamil swore to that.

Still, the words were already seared into his memory: you’re lovely.

Jamil found himself visiting you whenever he could. You always asked for his help whenever heavy labor was involved. If it was anyone else, he would’ve felt annoyed. With you, it was just an excuse for Jamil to stay longer.

Fleeting touches, subtle glances, and shy smiles—it was like your own language. Not a single word was exchanged, yet it felt like you said more than Jamil could comprehend. He didn’t miss the moments when your hands lingered too long over his. He would be a fool not to notice that a cookie jar and a box of teabags sat on the counter each time he visited.

For the past year, you’d give him a single flower every day without fail. One time, after the usual tea, it was a morning glory. Another time, when you were particularly homesick and Jamil stayed to chat, you gave him a hydrangea. When he visited your house and took care of you when you became sick, you gave him a yellow lily the next day. He always brought them home, but it came to the point that a mishmash of flowers in a vase brought color and life to his workspace. It sat under the window, where it bathed under a patch of sunlight. He even considered buying another vase due to the sheer amount.

You gave him all kinds of flowers, but he’d never forget the first gardenia he received from you.

“That looks out of place,” one customer pointed out while Jamil prepared the needle. He already knew what he was talking about, but the tattoo artist still followed his line of sight. A soft smile stretched from one ear to the other, and he didn’t bother hiding it.

Without looking away from the flowers, he answered, “They’re gifts from a friend. It’s the only place I can think of where they can be cared for.”

He ignored the sly, knowing grin on the customer’s face. Suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, Jamil gestured towards the chair and continued to prepare everything he needed for this job.

One sunny day, your storefront was crowded more than usual. Jamil paid no mind to the crowd as he pulled his hood over his head. Inked hands grabbed a bundle of flowers, tied with twine, from the table. They were placed far from the vases that decorated the parlor; just to avoid confusion. His eyes fell on the gardenia he drew on the back of his hand. Jamil added that some time ago, maybe around the past month. Still, it made him smile.

Jamil locked the door, then he instinctively looked at the flower shop. His heart stuttered at the sight of the flowers amongst the crowd. The vibrant and lively blossoms were like a splash of color against the dull tones of the city. What used to be gray pavement and monochrome buildings seemed to come to life with just a few flowers.

He blinked his surprise away, before he gripped the bouquet in his hands. The thrum of his heart and the sweat on his palms weren’t something foreign to Jamil. He always felt like this at the thought of you, even Kalim noticed the change in his friend when he visited once. Your smile flashed in his mind, and his own lips curled into a small one. His feet led him to where he knew you were.

Past the flower shop; past the crowd that lingered at the storefront; past the fresh flowers that gathered against the glass walls. Jamil’s feet grew heavier with each step, as if lead hit the concrete and left faint cracks behind. He stepped through the iron-wrought gates with a soft exhale. His grip on the flowers tightened. He considered going back to the tattoo parlor.

In the end, he thought he’d regret it if he backed out now. Blades of grass grazed his sneakers as he walked through rows of stones. Names were etched into each one, a reminder of who they were to the loved ones left behind. Charcoal gray eyes looked straight ahead. He didn’t bother looking at any of them.

It had been a year since that day, but he still remembered where you were.

Grass crunched under his feet as he stopped in front of an unassuming headstone. Engraved in the stone was your name—funny how he never knew your surname until the funeral. You never told him when you introduced yourself, and he didn’t pry. He even imagined you with his surname at some point, but…

Jamil swallowed the lump in his throat. He crouched on one knee and laid the bundle of flowers on your grave. The tattoo artist made the effort of arranging the colorful blooms in a way that you would. At least, how he remembered that you would.

He stood with his hands in his pockets, and he stared at your gravestone with that same lump in his throat. A sigh rang in the empty cemetery. A cool breeze carried the hustle and bustle of the city. The laugh that used to plague Jamil’s everyday life here was missing. It was gone for months now, but he could still hear it clearly in his head.

“Hey,” Jamil mumbled, clenching his hands into fists, “it’s been a while. I’m sorry I only visited today. It… took me some time to come to terms with what happened. Regardless, you deserved an earlier visit.”

No answer, Of course, there was no answer. You’ve been dead for quite some time now. That was an understatement, considering that a year has already passed.

Jamil’s stomach churned, and an insufferable heat filled his chest. His eyes stung. His nails pierced into the skin of his palms. The lump in his throat seemed to grow bigger, and he found it hard to breathe. Memories of your smile, your laugh, and the time he spent with you and your flowers overlapped in his mind.

He dug his heels into the dirt as he gritted his teeth. The sting behind his eyes grew worse. It was hard to breathe, and he found it harder to speak. He somehow forced the words out with a broken heart, pieces scattered along the ashes of what was left of you.

“You idiot,” Jamil choked out as his vision blurred with tears, “you could’ve called me to help you. How was I supposed to know you were still sick? How was I supposed to know you needed to carry that ridiculously huge flower display across the street? How was I supposed to know that car would lose control and—”

Jamil looked up to the sky with a clenched jaw, teeth clacking and shaking his skull from the force. He wanted to scream. He wanted to curse whatever deity existed in this world. He wanted to forget how you looked, pale and bleeding on the street, that day. He wanted to erase that memory of you until his heart bled out and his voice croaked its last scream.

“—they haven’t found the driver. Everyone who knew you petitioned to keep the shop in your memory. Someone else took over, too. You don’t have to worry about your flowers anymore.”

Since that day, whenever Jamil looked at the ink that adorned his hands and arms, all he remembered was your loud voice and bright smile. Your praise and astonishment echoed in his head like a broken record player. He couldn’t count the amount of times he tried to scrub them clean from his skin. If that didn’t work, he scratched at them until he bled and the patterns were hidden under that shade of red.

In hindsight, Jamil thought that was idiotic of him. Love turned anyone into idiots, anyway.

Sighing, Jamil forced the tears back and looked down at your gravestone. If he tried hard enough, he could imagine you smiling and laughing again. The image of you, lifeless and still on the road, would become a scar that faded with time. He hoped it would be.

“I thought of giving you baby’s breath,” Jamil began as the lump in his throat returned, “along with forget-me-nots, and blue salvia. It would be a horrible contrast, but I also thought of adding pink carnations.”

He paused, before bitterly chuckling to himself. “I don’t have your skills, though. You were always amazing with flower arrangements. I couldn’t hold a candle to you, and I rarely tell anyone that. I didn’t want to give you something that was less than perfect—you deserve more than that, so I settled with sweet peas.”

Jamil knew he was talking to himself. He always found it ridiculous how anyone talked to the dead, even if he understood the necessity to respect the ones who passed. This one time, he understood why people did this. Jamil just couldn’t bring himself to accept the circumstances that led to that revelation.

“They mean goodbye in flower language, but I prefer the other meaning. Maybe, in another life, I would’ve bought you flowers for a date. I was thinking of asking you on a date before. Did you know that?”

Another bitter chuckle. Another shaky breath.

“I was supposed to ask you that day. I finally found the courage to try, and what did I see? You…” The words were stuck in Jamil’s throat. He couldn’t force the words out this time. The clamor outside and the harsh slam of his parlor door echoed in his memories. He didn’t want his last memory of you to be your dying breath. He’d rather not remember that at all.

Jamil shook his head and continued, “I apologize for that. What you need to know is that I like you. I may even go so far as to say I love you, and I’m sorry I never told you earlier. I hope you can forgive me for that.”

The tattoo artist sat down in front of your headstone. He didn’t care if dirt and grass stained his jeans this time. He reached out to trace the name etched into the stone, with the same hand where the inked gardenia peeked out of his sleeve.

“I like your flowers. I like all of them. I still keep them with me. I wish I told you that sooner,” Jamil mumbled, voice cracking at the end. A tear rolled down his left cheek and dripped into the soil. His shoulders shook in a silent sob as he breathed his last words to you.

“Thank you for a lovely time. I’ll never forget you.”

[isthe-protag-cluelesstho]

Okay, probably not a hot take, but imma scribble about it anyway,

I honestly think Cale Hetinuse/Kim Rok Soo has chronic pain/fatigue.

Like, everybody loves the whole coughing up blood/wet meow meow thing he's always doing, but personally? People who are that nonchalant about Shit Happening To Their Body, are typically people who are waaaaay too used to Fucked Up Shit Happening To Their Body,

It's just a head canon, but as someone who is chronically in pain, I absolutely do some of the stupid shit CH/KRS does, like carrying stuff I should NOT be carrying, or continuing to Do Things even when I should be sitting and resting. I also know several people who (like me) can be experiencing level 4-5 pain and not show a hint on their face/through their actions besides maaaaybe moving a bit slower/stretching more

And we know KRS has been on his own since he was itty bitty... And then he grew up in a world hell bent on killing everyone. I can't help but think that a tiny child with no one to help him with the general cuts/bruises/little hurts of childhood would 1) have zero frame of reference for what "okay" actually looks like 2) probably has never really received medical care beyond emergency assistance (which does jack for chronic conditions) and 3) has NEVER really had someone in his life long enough for them to catch his way of coping with pain (my very close friends can hear when I'm hurting/tired, everyone else only notices if I am visibly incapacitated)

So, Kim Rok Soo ends up in a world/body that "technically" hasn't experienced his life, HOWEVER fibromyalgia and PTSD are like goddamn pb&j. It's a condition that is deeply tied to a body's stress response. And what does Cale say once he has the Heart? "I feel BETTER"

And that just speaks to me of a person who is so used to pain, that it no longer really registers... I had daily headaches for 7 years, it wasn't until I moved and got a new primary that I found out that more than 4 headaches in a month was considered a concern... I got on some migraine meds and actually stopped having that daily headache, something id just accepted as "how my body works" gone,

I personally don't consider pain at a 1-2 as particularly bothersome, it's more like a general annoyance. Onces it's up to 6-7 it's hard for me to move, and yet I often will still do so, despite the pain. It's only at 9-10 so I stop moving entirely and focus on just weathering it. Usually when that happens, I sleep so much after as my body tries to recover.

And when I read Cale, so casually continuing forward, despite the work he takes on himself, after the constant planning and prepping and ass kicking, all I see is a person who has lived so long with his body's suffering that it's just background noise. Yeah, he coughed up some blood, but the pain is back to "normal" so how can he raise a fuss? He killed 3 monsters with a dislocated shoulder that one time, this? This is easy. And despite claiming his body is weak, he refuses to truly accept the help and rest he needs because (like I used to) Cale thinks "this is just how my body works"

Sometimes, I cannot remember how I lived prior to my pain. Sometimes, I cannot imagine a world where I do not spend half the night attempting to force my muscles to relax, so I can actually sleep. I cannot imagine a world where I am able to do everything I want in a day and not collapse at the end. And I see so much of myself in how Cale continues to move despite the weight of the ancient powers, the expectations of the gods and his own personal hopes. He seems like a character doomed to continue walking, his bones broken but refusing the care because whats the point if everything still hurts the same way in the end?

Anyway, Raon should invent a cure for chronic illness and force Cale into a year long sabbatical

[codecicle]

hi ash, could i utilise your mega autism for a moment? would it be possible for you to provide me with some good reference images for drawing Charlie's face ie front and side profiles ect? plus any tips on details you think are important? No pressure ofc! Just thought this might be something you had a lot of thoughts about anyway, if not then please don't go out of your way I am indeed capable of using google, it just takes longer and is less fun than talking to a cool guy XD

YES. YES ALWAYS AND FOREVER. GLADLY. ABSOLUTELY. Here's references + notes under the cut!

First of all, go -> here <- for a guide by razberypuck, which is perfect and explains everything better than I ever could.

Second of all, he has some pretty distinct features of both his face and his body that are important to keep in mind, which is mainly what I'll be talking about :-)

Third of all, not all these features need to be kept, especially when you consider styles and the tendency to drop certain parts of the body or face once you've learned the rules enough to break them. Im just listing them all so people know what features work well with their style and what features don't ^_^

His hair is very messy and fluffy, kinda like cowlicks for his entire head. His front hair typically comes down into bangs that curve towards the right, while the rest goes in every direction possible. (This is also true going back years ago. He just combed it a certain way, so you'd only see the fluffy cowlicks in the back of his head)

Another thing I wanna point out is his Adam's apple, which is very prominent ! I kept ted in the photo to show the difference ^_^

Also! No matter what era you're drawing from, his eyebrows shape a LOT of his face. They're really thick!

3/4ths views to show it more clearly, his jawline is relatively soft! And his old frames are clunky. He has a really pretty hooked nose which curves down towards the tip of it. Otherwise, it's pretty much a triangle! If you're drawing him from the side, keeping the little triangle dip on the side of his nose can help you find the general shape easier.

Also! The above images are really good examples of his mouth. I don't have many notes on this, but if you're going for anything 1 to 1 of him, I'd recommend keeping the curve of his cheeks downward when his mouth is closed, and the curve upward when he's smiling. He has visible cheekbones that make the area around his mouth appear very round

^ this is a great reference that shows everything I've been talking about. 1: triangle on the side of his nose to show the curve from the front 2: thick eyebrows 3: visible cheekbones and small curves around his mouth 4: cowlick hair

Also, he's very buff! Chulked out 2 the max. Some of these images came from me being a major hater over art of him, before remembering people can do whatever they want forever. But I can use it now! Charlie has wide shoulders, natural tummy, and gigantic tits.

He's visibly wider than Tommy and Ranboo, with a frame closer to Sneeg and James in build. He's strong!! He's really really strong!! I feel like people forget Just How Strong This Guy Is.

Also heres an image from and older post of mine, which I designed while trying to explain why he doesn't look That Different without the glasses (2 me). It's pretty much everything I said above, but summarized in a photo!

source: bro trust me and also source: the final 2 images i could fit on mobile which are 2 random face studies I have of him nearby. I have better one's but i can't find them right now so take these okay bye bye

+ I'm so sorry if this made 0 sense I'm very tired ^_^

[sonkitty]

The Sideburns Scheme Post #56

(For reference: The Sideburns Scheme)

Crowley, Good Omens 2, Episode 4, The Hitchhiker, broken

...

Sideburns Check

The above image is slightly brightened.

The sideburns are long. I think the long sideburns are the "human" reading during the minisode as a reversal compared to the present day.

...

Brighter Red Streak Check

With his hat finally off, Crowley has a visible more saturated red streak of hair. I'll go over my theories about that in the Story Commentary.

...

Hairstyle Changes

The sideburns are still long, but now the hat is finally off.

When Crowley faces and addresses Mrs. H, his hair looks more red compared to when he turns around to look at Aziraphale. Then his hair looks darker, and the red in the streak is more subdued.

...

Earthly Objects

(For reference: Earthly Objects)

Crowley opens the case of broken bottles. Only one thumb is shown to touch it, but he has all five digits visible with his right hand to indicate his previous touch. So, my own guess would be that he's aiming to get credit for the touch by having his hand shown in such a way.

Mrs. H. has two questions with, "Broken? All of them?"

That could give them a standard set to start the scene.

Mr. H. has two more questions and Crowley uses her name, "Mrs. H."

While these two are interacting, Aziraphale does have a visible touch with his hat, and there is someone known to be playing the piano, even if they are only shown from behind.

Mrs. H. repeats her name back to Crowley. She touches her own purse and rubs her gloved hands together. She mentions the number, "40". She continues on for a bit before the piano interrupts her swearing.

While she was talking, a Rule of Three was met with three of the girls entering and passing through the ongoing conversation.

Aziraphale takes out a white handkerchief when offering to help Crowley.

...

For paying attention to the pockets...

In my attempts to figure out anything, I noticed two cuts where there's a black top hat on a table on the stage behind Mrs. H. with what's probably a stuffed rabbit. Presumably, it has something to do with the magician. In the other cuts, the hat and stuffed rabbit are not there.

The girls who pass through, specifically pass through between Aziraphale and Crowley, which draws attention to them being on their "correct" sides for most of the scene.

...

(For reference: The Rainbow Connection Part 4: The Door Trick and The Door Catch)

I said this minisode had clues for The Door Catch, so let's look for clues about The Door Catch.

One of the most important elements in The Door Catch is that somehow, some way, the shadows of the green leaves on the back of Aziraphale's coat are allowed to be the Green of the maintained Rainbow Connection.

While neither Aziraphale nor Crowley sit during this scene, the piano player is visually pocketed between them, and that piano player has her back to us, the viewer.

A really tricky and difficult mechanic in the Rainbow Connection is from non-rainbow-colored shades: black, white, brown, and gray.

I think there is a findable poem that goes:

Black blocks.

Brown borrows.

Gray shades.

White keeps.

The "gray" is spelled as "grey" in the official subtitles, so I'm just using the spelling I'm more familiar with.

When I was drafting this part into the relevant post, it occurred to me check that this minisode might have a clue for each one. The clue for "gray" is the most obvious one, later, but I wanted to see if others could be found.

Black and white together seem to do something like a trap.

The piano player is wearing all black with, presumably, a black dress and black shoes. I'm mainly noticing it's a match for white because this scene initiates the clue for White.

Aziraphale pulls out a white handkerchief and waves it around. This handkerchief will be used again later during the actual Bullet Catch act.

...

Story Commentary

Who broke the bottles? Was it the Metatron messing with the story because he's got something against whiskey? Or was it Aziraphale's wishful thinking so he could have an excuse to help out Crowley? Or is it just part of the written story from one or both of them with the clues within the games?

Well, my guess would be the last one of those since it matches with my overall theory, but the other theories are good too.

Now about that more saturated red streak of hair...

One of the theories I have on it, here, is that this 1941 minisode is experiencing something like a "bleed-through" effect from the present day. It's closer in time than the other minisodes. So, the streak is there as part of this "bleed-through" effect. Season 1 established that Adam could retroactively change reality. Someone or something could be doing that in this story.

Another theory is that the streak is there because of either Crowley performing his miracle for the bomb, the books, or both, or Aziraphale performing his "real miracle" to make sure he and Crowley survive the bomb.

I had a present day theory that the streak is an after-effect of a Big Miracle that Crowley performed, but things don't quite match up with that theory because of various parts in the story where it disappears and my not finding any good guidance or reason for why it would disappear since I don't know how many drafts the story has and how it fits.

Plus, there are clues the streak is actually a result of the lightning...somehow. That doesn't fit either, but I'm generally suspicious of the camera work when Crowley first shoots the lightning out.

Mrs. H. has dealt with Crowley and makes no comment on that streak, but humans generally don't comment on Crowley's appearance as it is. If she does actually see it, and has seen it, then that would put the "bleed-through" effect as the more likely theory.

So, those are just ideas I'm throwing around. I'm more uncertain on them compared to stuff like the Threshold Tricks, the supernatural zone made with help from the sideburns, and the connection Aziraphale and Crowley make through borrowing each other's homes.

...

That's it for this post. Sometimes I edit my posts, FYI.

...

Main post:

The Sideburns Scheme

[a-tale-of-legends]

Hmmmm. You know I've always been subconsciously knew that Blue ( rival) had different sprites throughout the game, but I never really took the time to like. Analyze them? And truthfully there isn't much to analyze but I do find it interesting on how the sprites differ from the original rbgy games and FRLG.

So let's start with rbgy. Or rather rbg cause yellow has some slight difference despite its overall same pattern.

This is the sprite to represent Blue from the first 3 battles ( as in the one in the lab, the optional one in viridian city and the one in cerulean city right before nugget bridge). This pretty much captures Blue pretty well. This cocky kid who thinks he's better than you,lmao. Got his signature hand gesture too. This was during the early game, I would say. Where he does probably think " yeah there's no way Red would catch up with me, hur hur".

Then we reach the fourth sprite on the S.S. Anne

This sprite is the sprite that's used for the rest of the game until his champion battle. This one gives such a different vibe than the first one. He looks so much more focused compared to his other sprite. Like he's looking directly as the player this time, PokeBall out, in a semi hunched position getting ready. He doesn't even have a smirk on his face, which I find very interesting. There's many ways to interpret this really, one of which is a simple " the game is telling you your getting to the mid game now". For me personally, I think it reflects on how Blue starts seeing the player. I kinda see it where Blue is starting to realize that Red is catching up, so to speak. That he can't treat them entirely like a joke anymore. He's still gonna talk shit ( the best an 11 year old can anyway) but like. It's a thought at the back of his mind. Especially when he keeps losing, like Red is almost a threat to what he wants. It's also interesting to think about this with the context of " Red and Blue where childhood friends turned rivals". I mean. They were always rivals according to professor oak, but you get what I'm trying to say right? I think this is where the " competition" gets real to blue, and he's taking it as seriously as he can, now with the facade of him being this snarky jerk. Again, that's just my interpretation of it, I'm down to hear others!

And finally....

Champion Blue! This sprite technically makes blue the first champion to have a different outfit compared to their usual sprite, which I find cool. Also this is probably what they used for reference for his look on HGSS. Probably, I don't actually know. I do think it's kinda cute that this implies he went into the elite 4 looking his best hgvhvgvgvcg. Anyway, to the actual analysis. He did it! He became champion! Before Red,too. I know I just said it was cute that Blue had an outfit change for this moment but it still shows his very show boaty nature I think. He wants Red to know he won. He wants everyone to know he won. He worked hard to get where he is and by Arceus he is going to show for it. Here's my thing though. I can't tell if he's smirking or not. I don't think he is, to it's still kinda hard to say? To me anyway. But let's go with the fact that he's not smirking. And like yeah. He's champion. This is the ultimate battle that probably means everything to him and Red. He wants to be serious about this. I just find it interesting how ever since that 4th battle he hasn't had a visible smile or smirk. His words have always been very "Blue" but his facial expressions don't fully convey that? Like his body language doesn't exactly show someone who's overly cocky, and someone who thinks he's at the top of the world, even in his champion battle, with all of that swagger. I dunno if I can accurately write my thoughts down on this but. It's weird to have Blue not smirk. Does that make sense? And not to say that Blue shouldn't be seen as serious but to lose that smirk so quickly as of the 4th battle ( third if you just didn't do the optional battle) is so. Weird. Even if he is taking Red seriously, even if he is starting to see Red as a threat rather than a friend, where's his bravado?

Am I looking way too deeply into this? Yes. Am I done. Nope!

.....oh boy. This is gonna be a bit longer than I thought-

Pokemon Yellow pretty much had the same philosophy of rbg in Blue's sprites, showcasing different poses for different parts of the journey. Where it differs is the second sprite

The second sprite for the 4th (or 3rd) battle and onward his pretty much the same as rbg, expect more polished, I think. And! He's still smirking! As much as I loved over analyzing and theorizing the shit out of his previous sprites, this sprite is way better at conveying Blue as Blue I think. The position still makes it clear that Blue is taking Red more seriously, especially with the PokeBall out, but it doesn't feel as intense as the rbg ones did imo. Though that could also be bc of the coloring. Overall it just better shows Blue character. Again, I still like the shit I wrote before, and honestly it kinda makes me appreciate Blue more, but like. Yeah, this one shows his character better. And it makes this:

Less weird to me. Minus taking away his "champion outfit". How dare they honestly. But anyway, having Blue have his usual smirk throughout the game only to drop it once he has his final battle with Red for champion. Cause like to. To him this fight would literally mean everything. He has to keep it serious. I don't have much to really say other than this pose Blue is in looks like he's just about to throw that PokeBall. I think it's neat given how important this battle is to him.

Now we can finally go to the frlg sprites bc they're kinda weird to me.

This is his sprite for the first three battles. It's. So different compared to the rbgy ones. This this sprite looks more like the sprite that he would have had for his fourth fight. And what's more!

This is his sprite that's used for fourth battle onwards. And I was so confused about this when I saw it cause. What was it trying to convey? Yeah we know that Blue is cocky, but this feels. Odd character wise. Though then I realized that this sprite and the sprite before are like. Switched versions of the rbgy ones ( specifically yellow in terms of characterization). Though I don't want to make it seem likes it's an inherently bad thing. Like it's an odd choice to me, but I can kinda see something with it. With the rbgy sprites, to me, Blue goes from not fully taking the player seriously to realizing " oh shit, Red could beat me I can't have that" to the serious battle that makes or breaks everything. This progression in frlg is like. Starting out on equal terms, but as time goes on Blue just gets more and more cocky until the last moment where you take him off his high horse. At least sprite wise, that's what that story conveys. And honestly I think both are totally fine stories to tell with Blue. I personally like the rbgy sprites better. In terms of character telling I mean. Also I can't stress enough this is just my own interpretation of these sprites that honestly don't really impact the story much. I just found it interesting that Blue actually has different sprites at all at specific points in the plot. Oh wait before I forget

This is the sprite that Blue has for his champion battle. I think he's pointing at the player? Again it's such an interesting vibe in comparison to those before it, but overall it still showcases what it needs to in terms of what the player/Red/Green/Leaf should feel at this very moment. All or nothing, winner takes all, you get it.

Aaaaand yeah. The rbg section kinda stole the show but I think it's good context for the rest of it. I hope this was enjoyable to you all and if you have your own interpretations of Blue's sprites and what they mean, I'd like to hear them!

[fountainpenguin]

"Picture of your face in an invisible locket... I had a bad feeling. But we were dancin'... swaying as the room burned down." (x)

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New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 32 - “Starve (Etho, Scott)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

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I am once again bringing you scenes of Etho cuddling up to SnifferMyFeet while Sniff growls reminders that even though he has Joel's memories and misses being Boat Boys, he wants Etho to treat him as a separate person.

If I had a nickel for every chapter Etho's touched this man and thought of Joel, I would have 8 nickels. I'd have 40 cents. That's as much as 1/4 of our story. And that's terrible.

#smalletho - Etho once again working through his touch starvation and Boat Boys Issues™ Many references to Joel, but he doesn't appear. Large flashbacks of him and Etho in next week's chapter, though! <3

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

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This preview section jumps into shippy vibes- Proceed at own discretion.

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Etho - Fox

Status: Holding out a hand

Self-taught programmer, full-time hero

💙  🧡  💚

So, uh. That string tidying, huh? You're setting yourself up for disappointment if you want to do that with an endermite hybrid. They're the best in the business and they'll mock you the whole time you set up. Sniff's smug and giggly about it, too, as Etho pushes him down on the bed and hangs back to study him. He's really tattered the code on the bottoms of his bare feet. I mean, shoe code gets tattered too, but usually those soft parts of a skin design hurt more.

"You gonna use your mouth?" Sniff asks, eyeing him up.

"In a shocking turn of events, the programmer has tools for fixing loose code. They're in the other room." Etho takes Sniff's wrists and pins them above his head for a second, then takes his ankles and stretches them out. Classic textbook pose for the work, even though they'll probably move to the carpet for obvious reasons before they start; he doesn't need weak pixels dropped all over his bed. "Stay," he commands, and Sniff sticks out his tongue and double flips him off without moving his arms. So Etho can't be mad.

But he does lean over, sliding one hand beneath Sniff's cheek, easing it behind his head. He curls it back around and lifts it just enough to scrape his palm across Sniff's brow, beneath his floppy dark brown hair. It's thick and feels like swamp plants in his hands. He still smells like well-treated water. Chlorine. Like one of Gluon's hotel builds with the fancy pools. Or the waterpark server. Never did find out why. Etho breathes against him without pulling back. Despite the wet scents, Sniff's warm soul's like fresh-baked bread against his hand.

"Oh my goodness… You're so pretty. You are so pretty…"

The metaphorical light fades from Sniff's mismatched eyes. Etho pulls back, waiting for a pinch or slap. Sniff turns his face away. Only his Joel side's visible at this angle as he squirms. "Get your eyes checked, Eefo… I saw my reflection when I got my water. I'm stitched together with hand-me-down parts. You don't mean that."

"What if I do, though?" He crouches lower by the bed, bringing a hovering thumb to Sniff's scalp. Sniff glances at him, then away. So Etho breaks that barrier. Slowly, the thick part of his hand eases down to touch Sniff's head. Sniff scrunches up his eyes again, giving the faintest little nod. Etho holds very still a few seconds (Sniff's pixels are so loose on his skin, which was the whole point of this cleaning project anyway) before he speaks again. "I'm sorry you can't see that yet. Body issues are tough; I've got issues too. Sometimes my fox traits get away from me… Been thinking about modding out, but it takes centuries of paperwork." His next stroke of hand (a circle on his head) is firmer, sharper, and Sniff mutters something under his breath as his cheeks freckle up with blue again. Cute. "If it were legal, I'd probably just unthread. I'd miss the bullet paths, but you make vex life look so easy. So good." He draws his hand around in one last loop, then eases it down Sniff's cheek (on his Grian side) to his neck. "Hey, take a closer look next time you're out. There's a lot of interesting people out there. Some wear faces that aren't even humanoid. Have you met MumboDrone or iCam? … And you know, it's just a skin."

Sniff putters his lips, staring towards the ceiling. His fingers lift, dancing across the backs of Etho's knuckles. "You just want me to stay late again. Gods, you're so lonely… Listen, fella- I know my strings are a wreck. I was an endermite before a vex; be pretty messed up if I couldn't tell. I'll let you clean me up, but I'm not playing sleepover. You can't make me."

"Mmhm." Oh man, I want to press my head on yours. He really wants to, noses brushing, hair tufts scraping, but he refrains, you know. He's kneeling, balanced on his heels, and Sniff's saying 'Yes' to the hand but looking unsure. So he won't. "Stay as long as you want to. Just let me clean your code and then you can leave. I promise I won't be mad."

"You smell like bread dough…"

"Yeah? My code wouldn't taste too good right now. Squeaky clean."

"Oh, that's too bad." Absentminded. Distracted. Etho eases back his fingers.

"Are you okay?"

Sniff clicks into focus again and then swishes up, sitting on the bed instead of lying down. "Yeah, thanks. I'm good, actually. The water helped."

"All right. I'll be right back with the cleaning stuff." He leaves without another touch, pausing only to switch off the portal still glowing in the corner. He leaves the desk lantern glowing like it is. It's fun, in the dark. The light's so low, it's like a fox's den in here.

The nice thing about being a programmer? He has no end of scrapers and combs to choose from. He pays the living room a visit to get the tray from the coding desk's drawer and some rolled-up pieces of carpet (ignoring the less than subtle smirks Beef and Pause give him as he strolls by). Etho brings the whole tray to his room and sits on the bed with Sniff, just talking to him and explaining how effective these tools are for different things. Sniff seems to recognize a lot of them, which is no surprise, honestly. Since Joel doesn't do logouts, he has a whole cleaning routine. It takes him forever.

"You know," Sniff says, digging through the tray, "using combs is cheating, actually. I can do the cleaning with my teeth still attached. I bet foxes can too. I mean, it's code work; all the code-eating species can do it." He flicks his gaze to Etho, who kneels across from him, tail waving in the air. Etho doesn't answer, so Sniff goes on. "You know what's fun? 'mite bundles."

"'mite bundles,'" Etho repeats. "Like… Endermites inside a bundle? Is that fun? That's a new one to me." Where is he going with this?

"Yeah, it's when you put endermites in with some of your supplies and go out on adventures. When you want your supplies, you have to dump everything on the ground and try to use your stuff without getting bit. If you get bit, you have to send your coords to server chat. Easy way to get killed, so you'd better not. You can play it in Between, too. Pig has an endermite living in his studio. For every time it bites him, he has to keep his weapons in a chest for an hour when he gets home. It means I can do whatever I want to him, really. Usually he just runs. Sometimes we duke it out bare-fisted. Have you ever seen him with a black eye and a tooth knocked out? Just me, I guess- It probably doesn't carry when he leaves the server. He looks so goofy when he smiles; I'm chuffed to bits with that. Gods, you wouldn't believe the bruise he left on me this one time he pushed me off an end ship. He smirked about it for days, no joke. No, actually. Can't believe his head even fit outside the server."

Etho smirks back, hidden in the mask and hidden by his fingertips. His chin rests against his hand. "What'd you do to him? You didn't let him get away with that, did you?"

"Hell no! I picked up a shulker and I slammed him on the head with it. I bet you didn't even know you can peel 'em off the wall- they're so clingy. What'd he do then? I think he put down a bed and blew himself up trying to get me with it. Oh, he's so lame. I like him so much."

[Full chapter on AO3 - Link at top]

[brionysea]

possessiongate: explained

i've been vague posting about this for a while, but after mapping everything out i think it's time for a full analysis of stranger things 4 and what's going on with mike wheeler in it

i think vecna is in mike's head. i think mike is being possessed by vecna at certain points in the season, which is why he's suddenly so weird and inconsistent about a lot of things

@dinitride-art’s post on the visuals of mike’s monologue sent me down this rabbit hole, and since going through everything for this explanation with that in mind, i'm now extremely convinced that this is intentional

i’m going to follow mike through the entire season to explain what he's thinking, what's going on in his head in general, and why it's not what the show wants us to think

very lengthy explanation under the cut!

we start in hawkins, with el's letter. it's the first thing we see. the camera only secondarily pans up to mike. then nancy suddenly barges in, seems to snap him out of something, and we immediately get the question "what the hell are you doing?", which mike never actually provides an answer to

in the second shot we get of mike, the sign above his bed is only partially visible. it reads “one w”

one -> vecna

w -> wheeler

there's an almost immediate connection, and it has something to do with el because her letter is still in frame until mike throws it away. vecna intends to use mike against el

when we get a wider view of the room, it's a complete mess. last time we saw mike's room it was immaculate. we can see daylight coming through the window in the mirror ("one way" mirror -> one is watching him without his knowledge) but his lamp is still on, implying he's been up all night

there are a lot of time references surrounding mike in this opening sequence. time -> clocks -> vecna

mike's issue with sleeping (which is later revealed as a sign that vecna is in your head) gets a bit closer to noticeable when he starts to say something that's probably along the lines of him going to bed early not mattering because he won't be able to sleep anyway, but he doesn't get the chance to finish what he wants to say. this happens a lot this season

karen: you need to go to bed early tonight. mike: why? ted: it's a 6:30 flight, michael. mike: yeah, i know, but— karen: no buts. 9 or no california. ted: and no sweetie pie.

they're already hiding mike's thoughts from us. even when we’re seeing things from his point of view, for one reason or another, we’re not allowed to know what he’s thinking despite him actively trying to tell us

ted’s comment brings up el again, further connecting her to the time references and mike’s concerning behaviour

mike is immediately not okay for some reason, from his very first scene, but it’s not in our face like max. it’s hidden. nancy doesn’t comment on the state of his room even though this isn’t normal for him. his parents kind of seem to assume that him trying to brush off his need for sleep is just him being a stubborn teenager. his grades having slipped is told to us through a joke while the same thing with max is pointed out as not normal and a sign that something’s wrong. the characters haven’t noticed, and a good majority of the audience won’t notice either unless they go looking for it. it’s all there, but it's hidden in plain sight

for this first day, mike is 100% mike. this is establishing who he is now, without any active supernatural interference. mike is over the forced conforming of last summer, mike doesn’t care about being popular, mike doesn’t care about girls laughing at him, mike is embracing his love of dungeons and dragons again, mike is shamelessly sending heart eyes the way of the cool older guy who likes dnd and rock music and shows him it’s okay to be different. this is setting up the contrast for when he starts acting like a completely different person later

because of an outside influence in the shape of eddie, mike does a few uncharacteristic things. he ditches lucas and lets someone else lead, instead of leading by example like he usually does and just telling dustin that they’re going to the basketball game anyway. he did fight for lucas in the first place, being the only one who could just say that they needed to postpone, but he gets manipulated in a direction he doesn’t want to go. this really sets the stage for what’s going on with him this season

mike is having headaches. this is another sign of vecna being in his head. i think of it like a physical defence mechanism, a sign from your body that something’s wrong, similar to the nosebleeds since they both stem from the brain. which there’s also a very small hint of when mike does this very subtle sniffing thing while sitting outside with dustin like there’s something tickling his nose

there’s the beginning of mike not really knowing what’s going on

mike: screw what? [...] what? what? dustin, where are you going? [...] come on, just talk to me! tell me things! [...] what are you talking about?

this is new territory. mike usually knows everything for absolutely no reason. he's being removed from his leadership position as the dungeon master and his ability to understand the situation is being messed with. that functionally changes his role, and effectively disables him as a character so that the season can work and vecna can win

they neutralised jonathan so that he couldn't support will and el by making him a stoner. they (vecna) neutralised mike so that he couldn't support will and el by making his mind not his own anymore

during the campaign, an argument starts up. mike doesn't take part until dustin puts his ego on the backseat to ask what mike thinks, reminding us just how smart mike really is and the effect he has on people. especially since his advice works. mike, always being more inclined to fight than run, supports dustin's plan

mike: it's risky as hell. but you're the ones on the battlefield. so it's your call.

this sounds like mike giving advice that he wants to hear himself. specifics of the campaign aside, getting told that he's smart and capable and should trust his own judgement is a major turning point in his character later on

right around the time mike would be meeting his curfew (offscreen, because we're not allowed to see that either) and committing to visiting the byers, vecna moves in for the kill and chrissy dies

mike was supposed to visit the byers months earlier but he didn't for some reason, and them coming back to hawkins for christmas didn't work out either. it's easy to find a reason why, probably money, but mike had already gotten permission from karen at the end of season 3 and money isn't a problem for them. he could have just been doing his avoidance thing, or it could be a play on the pattern of him being late to things, but i'm curious if he subconsciously knew that something bad would happen if he left and held it off as long as he could. considering mike is already acting like someone else when he gets off the plane and his clothes, which he must have put on in hawkins, are used to indicate that, it's possible vecna took control in this offscreen blind spot and made him go. the fact that it took this long for that to happen really is a testament to mike's mental strength

now we’re in california! and mike immediately starts acting weird. he’s wearing sunglasses indoors, which is unnecessary and really stands out. i also get a vibe of implied dishonesty

mike: so i kinda did, like a 70/30 split, kinda thing.

70% vecna. 30% mike. this is absolutely an intentional slip from vecna, since we know he likes just telling people his plans and feeling smug about how clever he is when he still fools them

mike is very weird towards will, which is so unlike him that absolutely everyone picks up on it. mike got over his “ignoring will” issues near the end of season 3. he looked devastated and completely dead inside the day they left hawkins. there is no way that mike, fully in control of himself, would treat will this way after seeing him again for the first time in months

argyle: that's a rad shirt, man. ocean pacific? [...] oh no, no, no. no, it's a shitty knockoff. yeah. but don't worry, i'll get you the good threads out here.

mike shows up acting fake. the dialogue points out that his shirt is fake. and a bad fake, at that, but one that's convincing enough at first glance. you can connect the dots

then argyle brings up nancy and things get awkward, but like most of the romance this season (especially around mike), i think it's meant to distract us

argyle: yeah, this is kinda awkward, man. mike: yeah, so awkward. argyle: i mean, i really thought it was ocean pacific.

it comes right back to the shirt. right back to mike being a fake. one that tricks you unless you look hard enough

things aren’t awkward because of nancy. they’re awkward because this random person who vecna didn't even seem to account for, based on the initial weird look mike gives him that really reminds me of possessed will looking at bob, called out his ploy in two seconds flat without even realising it

vecna has mike play along with the perfect, happy, normal couple ideal that el is aiming for, while simultaneously ignoring will. inevitably it crashes and burns, which vecna was probably counting on, because he knows lies like this never last

mike and will fight. mike's side involves a hurt that's based in not knowing what's going on. he looks confused when will describes the day they both just lived through (this will not be the last time this happens) and tries to just... leave the conversation. because he doesn't know what to say. because he doesn't know what will's talking about. this whole day was mostly from will’s point of view and doesn’t even touch mike’s, so we don’t even know what, exactly, mike is confused about or what he thought was happening

but will doesn’t let him walk away

will: you're mad that i didn't talk to you? seems like you made it super clear that you're not interested in anything i have to say. mike: that's just not true. will: you called maybe a couple times. it's been a year, mike. meanwhile el has like a book of letters from you.

we know mike cares what will has to say. he cares a lot. all he does this season is listen to what will has to say

it also hasn’t been a year. it’s been six months, tops. but mike and will stick to this even when most other characters talk about it normally. the only real time period in the show that matches up with what they’re saying was between seasons 1 and 2. before will got possessed. before will and mike spent an entire season joined at the hip while mike provided emotional support against the possession. which is exactly what happens in season 4, just in reverse

one line near the end of the fight hints towards mike already knowing something's wrong, despite being pretty majorly influenced by vecna for the majority of the day

mike: why... why am i the bad guy?

if this is mike — which, considering it sounds like he has to fight to say it, i think it is — it's possible that he saw/found the double meaning in argyle's comment earlier. he glanced down at his shirt when he heard it and didn’t really know how to respond to it

we saw how mike dressed just one episode ago, one day ago, and it wasn't like this. the outfit is used as an indication that something's wrong with mike. the logic of the clothes being unlike him probably opened up the floodgates for his intuition, which we know doesn't have to make logical sense for him to trust it

i’m dead certain that el heard this fight. she heard angela's group perfectly when they were a similar distance away from her, and she has a habit of hearing mike whether he wants her to or not. she seems to have very good hearing in general, possibly because of the way she was born. el knowing this will pop up again later

vecna manipulates mike's reaction to el schmacking angela, which mike notably seems confused about later and can't coherently explain. this part was very, very obvious. even casual viewers picked up on this reaction not matching up with mike’s prior reactions to el dealing with bullies

because of this preoccupation with mike, vecna has to pretty much speedrun fred's visions as this big chunk that takes long enough for the sun to set because he didn't have time to spread them out over the day like he did with chrissy. there was one individual vision, but it was relatively brief and wouldn't have left mike to his own devices for too long

this was most likely happening during the period where everyone was standing around rinkomania, on the drive home, and spilling into the dinner scene, because mike's stormy, silent judgement and bitchy glares are the most in character thing he's done in california so far

the byers and guests have dinner. mike seems normal at first, although there is another hint of a nosebleed. he quickly realises that murray's hiding something and gets visibly suspicious about it, he's still unimpressed by jonathan and argyle's shenanigans, and he instinctively questions joyce's last minute business trip but keeps his thoughts to himself, probably because he doesn't fully understand the situation and also likes and respects the byers too much to start a scene at the dinner table when he's a guest in their home. we saw this behaviour during eddie's campaign, the choice to not involve himself unless called upon while a whole lot's going on around him. this is all mike

and then mike starts a scene at the dinner table when he's a guest in their home

vecna must have jumped back shortly after killing fred. something switches, and suddenly mike's not acting like mike anymore

he makes a totally uncalled for, passive aggressive comment that upsets el further in response to jonathan and argyle trying to make her feel better. that happened on the drive home too, and while mike rolled his eyes at them, that's because they were ridiculously high and acting like it. he didn't have a problem with them being nice to el ten minutes ago. it comes completely out of nowhere. there was no indication he was even that upset about the angela incident prior to this. if anything he was thinking about his fight with will

el visibly finds mike's comment confusing for a second before she leaves to beat herself up in her bedroom, making it the second time in one day she's thought mike was acting wrong. and she's right to think that. mike only ever makes comments like this to el or will in the heat of the moment because they get special treatment. a chill family dinner where mike was previously minding his own business is not equivalent to el throwing lucas through the air and knocking him unconscious

mike doesn't eat at dinner. he's shown playing with his food and will is shown noticing it. argyle must have too because of something that happens later. mike has always done this when he's upset, dating all the way back to the first episode, but in this context it seems to be representative of him resisting something. it reminds me of his implied resistance to sleep too

joyce is confused by what’s going on, probably referring to jonathan and mike’s behaviour specifically. murray, the expert Seer of Things, watches el leave with mild surprise and then immediately looks straight at mike

murray: okay, i, uh, i sense tension. is it the risotto? everyone hates the risotto?

this is a joke, but mike is pointedly not eating the risotto in the same scene as he suddenly starts acting like a different person. it was a targeted comment. the tension is within mike. it's vecna fighting for control of mike's mind

jonathan and argyle, however, have only positive things to say about the risotto. this topic of food (in relation to mike) will pop back up later

now we’re onto the part of how and when vecna kills people that probably stumped robin when she tried to find a pattern to it. why they got an extra day to figure out max was in danger. it’s because vecna had to make sure mike wouldn’t fix things with el first. he’s still keeping an eye on the home team, because he starts opening the first gate the second they leave the trailer park, but el is his priority

mike mopes at breakfast. he still isn't eating. he's still resisting. will is still noticing, which is promising in terms of mike eventually getting help on this. but for now he loses again, just like last night, and he ends up chasing after el. he brings her food too, which as it currently stands is not a good thing. she doesn’t eat either, and i doubt she would have even if he’d brought cutlery

mike seems really confused during their conversation. he trails off a lot and talks himself in circles. it really stands out because it's so different from his usual speech patterns

el: you think i'm a monster too. mike: what? el: yesterday. the way you looked at me. you... you were scared of me. mike: no. no. no, that's not... that's... that's not true. i was surprised. maybe i was a little upset in the moment, but i mean... i'm sorry. i just... i didn't know what to do.

no mention of his comment at dinner. it's almost like he doesn't even remember saying it. he retroactively confirms that he didn't care that much about what happened once the shock wore off. and i cannot stress enough that he is so, so confused. this isn't about no one telling him anything anymore. he was there. he should know what he's talking about. but he doesn't

it sounds like he's seriously fighting to get the words out again, but cranked up to a hundred. this is probably why max got so much extra time. because mike is stubborn as hell, and every single season demonstrates how his true strength lies in his mind, and it probably took a lot of vecna’s focus to force him into upsetting el when we know how much he cares about her and he seems to be actively fighting it. it takes mike five tries to even start to say "that's not true," the same thing he said to will yesterday. but it’s such a minor detail, and they’re overshadowing it all with the love triangle drama, so it’s easy to miss

mike is usually so confident and so level headed and so silver tongued that he can get full grown adults like hopper to respect and listen to him in a crisis, so hearing him trip over his words like this is ringing major alarm bells. el looks confused by the way he's acting again because mike is truly gifted at quickly understanding and explaining situations. he's slightly worse off when they concern his feelings, but he's not this bad. the only way he'd be acting like this is if his ability to understand what's going on has been internally tampered with

the uncharacteristic hesitancy and confusion lingers for most of the scene, but it lets up a lot after "i say it" and entirely disappears by the end, where this really patronising tone comes in to fill its place that doesn't sound like mike at all. he calls el ridiculous, he tries to make her think she's making things up, he brushes off her feelings, he deflects. mike does not do this in conflicts with el. mike avoids. and mike has far more respect for el than this

mike: what, like... what is this? you know what i think of you.

this directly leads into mike externally basing el's self worth on being incredible and special and a superhero, which directly contradicts the information we already have about mike's thoughts on el's powers that they're actively drawing our attention to

in season 3, mike was the one person saying that el shouldn't have to use her powers. that she shouldn't be obligated to sacrifice everything for her friends. that she's more than a superhero or a machine. that she's a person who's worthy of protecting whether she's saving them or not. and he followed through on that when she initially lost her powers: he flipped the car when she couldn't, he made a plan to get her and max to safety and tried to protect her from vecna when they were trapped in starcourt, and months later he got a teddy bear down from the high shelf for her when she couldn't get it herself. there was no hint of mike's view of el potentially changing without her powers. none. and this show is very good at foreshadowing, so that absence is very conspicuous

the tail end of this speech doesn't sound anything like mike. there's a reason he sounds like he's fighting it

but you know who it does sound like? vecna. the guy who thinks every other human being is an unimportant nobody. the guy who says that brenner didn't matter because he was ordinary. the guy who thinks that el is on his level, whether that's as an apprentice or an enemy, because of how special and incredible and superpowered she is. the guy who wants to kill el's friends while she watches, or kill her while they watch, as punishment for turning against him. and he can't do any of that if she doesn't remember him, and she can't remember him until she's pushed into thinking that she's worthless without her powers, which is exactly what mike is putting into her head in this scene despite that not being how he sees her at all

the police interrupt before mike can get his head sorted out, and we get this

mike: everything's gonna be fine. i am going to fix this. okay? just... just stay calm and everything's gonna be fine. okay? just... all you have to do is trust me. i promise. i'm gonna get you out. i promise!

like to his advice to dustin, i think this reveals what's going on in mike's head. el doesn't want reassurance that everything will be okay. el doesn't need to be told not to panic. she's not the one panicking right now. these are all things that mike needs to hear

which implicitly makes "i'm gonna get you out" a lot more interesting. it applies to el, because she's getting arrested and later trapped by brenner, but how does it apply to mike? what does he need out of? what does he need rescuing from?

vecna focuses on max much later, after el doesn't return home and confirms that she's on her way to getting her powers and memories back. they try to hide it with the episode break, but mike immediately starts acting more like himself. he gets into an individual standoff with an authority figure representing the american government in like five minutes. that's the most mike wheeler thing he could possibly do

mike: so, what? we're just supposed to trust that you're the good guys? whoever you are?

this is mike in control of his own mind, mike who's finally acting like himself again, and he's telling us not to blindly trust anyone just because they're supposedly a good guy. he's telling us not to trust him, just like el didn't seem to earlier. because he doesn't trust himself right now. because he's been acting like someone else. if there's one thing mike is stellar at, it's tactical calls like this. this is exactly what happened when will was possessed

mike retreats upstairs to read el's letter, isolating himself. that particular habit becomes something very interesting in a little bit

dear mike, i have gone to become a superhero again. from, el

he realises that his words pushed el towards this decision, that he's the reason she chose to go back to some version of the lab, and he starts to wonder why the hell he said any of it. this kind of implies that what he said downstairs was entirely based on intuitive, subconscious knowledge, since he was pretty focused on the situation in front of him, and seeing something solid and tangible that proves there’s merit to the idea of something being wrong with him just kicked his brain into high gear

mike’s still very present in the hawkins part of the story during dear billy. they’re in mike’s space, and the way they’re hanging out without him there and not even trying to think of a plan makes his absence really obvious. max writes him a letter. max says his name twice, either independently of anyone else’s or before them. he appears in max's memory montage

we see the basement for the first time this season and it's as bad as his room. the lighting is much darker and less homey than before, there's no natural light, and the mess makes it feel claustrophobic when it’s actually a very open space. it's hard not to think that this is meant to be a physical representation of what's going on in mike's mind

as for what mike's actually doing, he has a clear head for the first time since he landed in california because vecna doesn't need to use him to mess with el anymore, and he's using it to question his own actions and words and why they don't reflect what he actually thinks

will: i… i just don't think they've actually thought this through. if this goes on for a month, or months, and people can't get a hold of us, they're gonna totally freak out. meanwhile my mom's probably having a panic attack already.

this is said by a rambling, pacing will, while mike sits on the edge of the bed, not moving, staring a hole through el's letter. it's the next day, and he's still hung up on it. he still can't figure out why he called el a superhero. this is a different type of anxiety than we've seen from mike before, because when mike is anxious he's usually the one pacing non-stop until everyone is annoyed with him. we saw that behaviour from him just last night, so he hasn't just dropped it

mike paces when he wants to fix an external problem. the fact that he's not moving at all here suggests that this is an internal one

the joyce mention can only be indicative of mike's mental space, because joyce isn't that anxious at all this season. certainly not enough to be reminiscent of a panic attack. this isn't foreshadowing for joyce, it's utilising the similarities between her and mike to tell us what he's on the edge of until will pulls him out of it

the idea of a problem lasting for months is interesting too, because threats from the upside down usually last for about a week. i think it's meant to indicate that what mike is quietly freaking out about has been going on for months, and that it’s connected to what's happening in hawkins

mike: before the cops came, me and el, we had a bad fight. we never fight. [...] but, i don’t know, this one just felt more adult.

when they got interrupted, they weren't talking about mike's inability to say he loves el. they were talking about el being a superhero

mike's confused as he says they never fight, which backs up el's confusion over his comment at dinner and his own confusion during the fight in question as mike not being in control during that conflict. this isn’t normal behaviour, and mike’s the one who started it so mike’s not normal right now

the adult comment is really telling too. it felt more adult because it was more adult, because there was an adult involved. vecna was involved

mike: and maybe i should've said something, and if i would've said that thing, then maybe she'd want me there with her. wherever she is.

the show wants us to think he's talking about the romantic conflict. but if what he's thinking about is the idea of breaking up with el, and what he's thinking about has him on the verge of a panic attack, then it can't be el because we've seen his reaction to breaking up with her before and he was totally fine. what they’re telling us is going on in mike’s head makes no sense at all

this is a trick. just like mike’s fake shirt. they're distracting us with the relationship drama and letting us assume that it's about el or will as we please, while mike never specifies that that's what he's talking about

he means the main bulk of the letter. he's talking about calling el a superhero instead of telling her what he actually thinks which is that she doesn't need powers to have worth. he's on the verge of a panic attack because he doesn't know why he said that, because he feels like he's losing his mind again, and because it physically drove el away to get her powers back at the same time as bad things are happening in hawkins. that combination usually leads to el endangering herself and mike protesting, so him driving her to it without even meaning to is definitely panic-worthy

will tells mike that he can see el again and say whatever he wants to say then, but mike clearly isn't convinced. he's not reassured. he doesn't want to hear that he's going to see el again. he doesn't actually want el to have taken him with her. because being near el means uncontrollably saying something he doesn't believe that hurts her again. this is the start of mike wanting to distance himself from el to protect her

mike significantly perks up when joking around/flirting with will and after jonathan makes the plan for them to go to hawkins (away from el), which leads into possibly the most mike scene in this entire season: the bedroom heart to heart with will

will: you're packed already? mike: yeah, i mean, i never really unpacked. thanks, by the way. will: for what? mike: for knocking some sense into me. i mean, i was being a total self-pitying idiot.

there's... a lot going on here. they bring up mike's emotional baggage and then almost immediately have him brush off his panic (a near panic attack, remember) from earlier that he never actually dealt with. both of their reactions support what i was saying earlier, that it would be ridiculous if mike was that panicked over el. not even el being in danger, just a fight with el

will definitely did the right thing by pulling mike out of that spiral and it makes sense that mike would thank him for that, but he was still thinking about it at the end of that scene before he got distracted by jonathan's plan. mike is still bottling things up. there are still things about mike that are being hidden from us

mike attributes his change in mood to will, which isn't entirely wrong. support systems do make a difference in fighting off possession, as seen with the shed scene back in season 2, and mike was instrumental in bringing will back so the opposite is most likely true. but the fact is that it isn't just will, it's that vecna isn't actively using mike anymore, and it’s that mike thinks he’s going to hawkins where he won’t be able to hurt el so he can stop worrying about it for now

mike: hey, also, about the last few days...

it was incredibly intentional that mike didn't get to finish this sentence. it would have told us too much if he did. getting an insight into what mike’s version of the first two days in california looked like would probably answer a lot of questions

mike gets distracted by will's inability to accept an apology, going against his prior, uncharacteristic behaviour of apparently noticing how will was feeling but not really doing anything about it, and we get likely the same information we would have but framed in a different way

mike: listen, the truth, is the last year has been weird, you know?

presumably he's just being dramatic again and actually means the time since the byers moved, but that's still a long time. and if things have been weird in the same way that the last few days have been weird, where he’s constantly confused and not acting like himself and not knowing what’s going on at all, that has some really sinister implications

will nods in response, because he does know. will knows what it's like to be possessed. he knows what it's like to have someone else in your head. he knows what it's like to feel like you're going crazy. he knows what it's like when someone else is using you to hurt the people you care about

mike says he feels like he was focusing too much on el and that he lost will in the process. vecna was using mike to upset el. he was pushing her where he wants her to go on the chess board. he was pushing her into remembering him so that when he tortures her he'll get the full satisfaction out of it. mike wasn't allowed to focus on will because vecna wouldn't get anything out of that

the way mike mends his relationship with will here by just being himself and caring is exactly what vecna was trying to avoid by not letting mike talk to el

they get knocked off course by the shootout, plans change, and their new goal is to find a way to el

vecna continues to leave mike alone, focusing on patrick and the nosy teenagers that are poking around his house. he wants the cali crew (and mike specifically) to find el, and just letting mike do his thing is the easiest way to make that happen

when argyle starts freaking out in the desert, mike realises while standing over an open grave that not only did his words send el away, they could directly lead to her death if anything happens to her. and he still has no clue why the fuck he said that. he freezes up again (continued indication that this is an internal conflict within his mind) as he gets caught up in that thought spiral, because he didn't actually resolve it before despite what he said to will. during their conversation on top of the car, mike connects the mystery of unknown hero agent man’s dying (lack of) words to his own situation

why didn't he just say the number? -> what the hell was going on with mike in the monster/superhero fight?

because mike still can't figure it out. he still doesn't know why he couldn’t just tell el what he thinks of her

mike: i should've explained myself. maybe then eleven would've taken me with her and things would be different, but i... will: no. mike: i didn't know what to say.

there's the reoccurring oddity of mike being uncharacteristically lost again. he didn't know what to say because he didn't know what was going on, and he still doesn't understand the fight or the things he said or why he lied right to el's face

the idea that things would be different if that fight had gone differently is an interesting thing to bring up. they're telling us it's important. the things mike said in that scene are important. if mike wasn't neutralised like this, things would be different. that's why vecna couldn't let him run wild and still entertain any idea of success

i think what they’re really getting at is if mike was able to give el a stronger hint that something’s wrong. because el is very clever, and i do believe that she figures it out near the end of the season, but it would’ve made a significant difference if she got it just a few days earlier

will: i think it's just scary to open up like that. to say how you really feel. especially to the people you care about the most. because what if they don't like the truth?

queercoding aside, that last question really freaks me out within this context. because yes, it was the 80s, but good people existed in the 80s. good people have always existed. our cast of main characters is made up of good people. none of them would hate mike for being queer, even if it's a very understandable fear for him to have. but if mike was unwittingly giving information to vecna? if he was used to push vecna's plans into motion? if he was used to cause the downfall of hawkins?

that's a much, much scarier thing to think about. because i find it more plausible that people would be angry at him for that. mike could easily think so too, even if it's not his fault. he'd certainly blame himself

then mike finds the coordinates, figures out what NINA is, and has the idea to go to suzie for help

the assumption that NINA is a phone -> the assumption that what mike wants to say is that he loves el

the reality that NINA is a computer -> the reality that what mike wants to say is that el doesn't need to have powers or be a superhero to matter

mike: now i don’t know if NINA’s a computer like joshua or owens’ lab, but unknown hero agent man, he gave us access to it for a reason. we just need to find the computer. we find owens, then we warn him. then we warn eleven. i just need a hacker.

this is a coded way for them to talk about what’s going on with mike through the connection they established between the number and the superhero fight. he doesn’t know what’s happening to him, but he knows that it’s happening for a reason. he needs to find out what the situation is and then warn el. and he can do that by going to suzie

mike’s headache from the first episode makes a reappearance when they get there. vecna’s still in his head, just dormant. mike lies flawlessly with will, in contrast to dustin, lucas and max doing a very bad job of it. they’re reminding us that mike is good at lying to make us look closer at the things he’s been saying

suzie: i’m really sorry. truly. but it looks like you came all the way here for nothing. unless… mike: unless? suzie: there might be a way. but we’re gonna need help. and i mean a lot of help.

they said that mike would find answers at suzie’s house. this is it. the scene cuts to karen looking for the kids and running down into the basement right after this, which is looking good for their relationship growing stronger next season

mike came here looking for a computer, and they end up needing suzie’s father’s computer, which is locked up in his study. they use the help from before to distract him, sneak in, and start looking for answers

jonathan: maybe it’s hidden in the code somehow? mike: what you just said makes no sense. suzie: hold your butts. i’ll just trace the IP.

someone’s going to overcomplicate the situation because mike’s head has so much constantly going on in it that even a certified genius like suzie has an initial “what is all this?” reaction to it when she sees the mountains of code on the real world equivalent. but there’s going to be a really simple solution that most of them were too overwhelmed to think of immediately

the cali crew succeed, so whatever this section is foreshadowing in season 5, it’s going to work. much better than the similar plan of this season. there are a million more distractions, everyone gets out unharmed, and the person who locked up the computer is none the wiser at the end

even with the coordinates, they have a hard time finding NINA. mike and will are on the same page but jonathan insists on rechecking the map. it's right, and they remind us that mike said as much. we should trust what he's thinking about something being wrong with him and we should trust the coded solution he just found

argyle is the one who actually finds the trail, so for some reason he's going to be really important to fixing this problem

back in hawkins, vecna plays mind games with nancy and uses her as a messenger for el too. apparently that's just a thing for the plot relevant wheelers

then there's the painting scene. which i think vecna was listening in on, but i don’t think he was influencing it

the answers they found at suzie's were that mike needs help. will gives him help when he starts spiralling about the closing distance between him and el, real help that actually gets through to him, by reminding him of who he fundamentally is. when mike is literally losing himself, that makes all the difference

the scene is also very visually similar to when will was possessed. will is being absolutely smothered in light from the window, because he's mike's light, the one max says you have to hide in to escape vecna, and when the shed scene turned into a time skip montage mike was lit in a similar way

mike: i mean, she’s special. she was born special. maybe i was one of the first people to realise that.

this doesn’t make any sense unless it’s mike looking back into vecna’s mind without realising, because it’s just not true for mike but it is something vecna would think. he was talking about how el was born special (like him) just last episode. he’s the one who told her the secret to making her powers stronger because he saw himself in her

if you zoom in on what mike’s saying, you get “maybe i was one”. was. past tense, when el was nearby. now he’s mike again

when nancy delivers the message for el, it includes seeing mike dead. vecna definitely knows who he is and he's in danger

then we find out, through el, that mike did try to call will. he tried to call him a lot. enough that dustin was sick of hearing about it

dustin: i told you, joyce has this telemarketer job. she's always on the phone. mike won't stop whining about it.

so why didn't mike say as much in their rinkomania fight? he'll complain to dustin but not to will? he was defending himself, saying it's not solely on him to maintain that relationship, so why wouldn't he say something along the lines of "at least i tried," because we all know mike can get harsh in arguments with will that he thinks are unfair

why would mike say that will should have reached out more but not say that he did try to reach out himself? he told el that he called her every night for 353 days without any hesitation, so he doesn't think admitting to that kind of thing is embarrassing. he wanted el to know that he missed her. he protested when will said he deserved the way he was treated during that argument. he wasn't afraid of will knowing how much he cares because he started shamelessly flirting and told will that hawkins isn't the same without him like two days after their fight, once he started acting like himself again

and that's the problem. because it wasn't fully mike at that point. all he could get out was "that's just not true," which was calling on our pre-existing knowledge of him to piece things together

which is exactly what el starts doing. she has a lot on her mind, but she's noticed all of mike’s odd behaviour already. this is just another thing that's so blatantly contradictory that it pushes her towards really questioning where all of it is coming from. she knows this doesn't make sense. if she heard mike and will arguing about the calls she heard mike say that he was the bad guy. that was the very first hint mike seemed to be trying to give anyone that something was wrong with him, the first real effort he made to warn them, despite not fully knowing what he was warning them of. and el's figuring it out. this perfectly matches up with what jonathan said at suzie's about the answers being hidden in the code, and with mike’s goal of warning el

we get our second elmike reunion of the season, and it's right this time. el gives him a once over when she first sees him, and she seems to realise very quickly that this is actually mike. his smile looks real. he’s wearing his signature colour. he hugs el the way he usually does. they do their cute little forehead touch thing that we saw in starcourt after vecna almost killed her. he's not wearing unnecessary sunglasses. he's not ignoring will

in contrast to the shitty knockoff comment from the airport reunion, we get this

el: oh, mike. is it really you? mike: it's me. i'm here. el: okay.

that's the most "loved one fighting off possession" dialogue ever. and there's no reason el would ask that question if she hadn't realised that he's been not mike at some point, because el isn't a character like mike or joyce or hopper or will who's had problems with not knowing what's real before

this is confirmation that despite vecna's interference, mike is still here. this is will speaking through morse code and just saying the word "here" after being given strength by mike and his family, just like mike was given strength by will. and el looks so happy about it that it suddenly makes me as emotional as the willel reunion does

then we get into the piggyback, which i think has some layers to it as an episode title. it's been said a lot that vecna's like el. not just that he has powers like her or that he's from the lab like her, but that he's like her. it's incredibly easy for me to believe that they think similarly enough to have the same ideas. using mike to get to el could be described as piggybacking

el came up with it by remembering the times she's gone into people's minds to find the source of why they changed. i think this could be part of the solution to getting mike back. it matches up with what suzie said about tracing the IP address. el will have to go into mike's mind to help him, finally letting us see everything that's been going on with him throughout the whole show. mike's role in the party is sharing vital information, so it wouldn't surprise me if he spies back on vecna like will did, especially since that was mike's idea in the first place, or shows el the way to find max or vecna's weakness

it's interesting that they keep calling it a mind fight too, because that doesn't really make me think of a fight in the mind. it sounds like a fight for the mind. and that's definitely not what happens with max, because her life is at stake, not her mind

over in russia, the adults finally hear about what’s going on

hopper: she said the doc's with the girl. and the girl went off to fight some evil in hawkins. then they all went off-grid. the doc, the girl, everybody. [...] and they're not alone. joyce's kids are with them.

mike isn't included in the group that's fighting vecna. this omission makes sense for argyle, because hopper doesn't know he exists and joyce has no reason to think he'd be with them, but there's no way in hell that mike would leave el or will in the middle of this. joyce knows that. joyce has seen firsthand how stubborn he is when will is in danger, and hopper came around to him being the same way with el by the end of season 3

i don't think this is a character thing. joyce only briefly saw mike acting weird at dinner after months of being nowhere near him and that isn't really enough to figure anything out, even for her. i think it was a very conspicuous decision for the writers to not align him with the strictly good guys’ side when they had the opportunity to

argyle making a pizza is included in the preparing for battle montage. it's funny, but it also implies that whatever happens with that pizza will be important to defeating vecna

then el and mike get their first real conversation. when mike puts the pizza box glasses on and confirms that they work, el is watching him like she's looking for something. it's only when he starts goofing around, like when he joked about his singing or made fun of himself with the M&Ms in season 3, that el relaxes and starts giggling and looking absurdly happy again. this is the way mike always tries to make el laugh. it's nothing like the lame socks joke from rinkomania

mike is literally in the dark. he can't see what's going on. el can

el: mike. mike: yeah? el: i… missed you. mike: yeah. yeah, i missed you too.

el is weighing her words very carefully. she doesn't know how much she can say to mike yet. and it really sounds like they've missed each other for longer than the few days separation, because they haven't really been together like this in months

from there mike brings up the monster/superhero fight again, and el just listens. she's feeling him out, waiting to see if he has some kind of explanation for what was going on there. because he was back to himself in the reunion scene, he was back to worrying about her safety and being relieved when she's okay. that was completely at odds with the superhero comment

argyle shows up with his pizza before mike can apologise or tell el that she doesn't need to act like a superhero for him to care about her. the pizza is for mike, it turns out, but he doesn't want it

and he shouldn't, right? wasn't food bad?

el: good. mike: it's good? what do you mean it's good? el: really good. mike: that's insane. that's blasphemous.

mike seems to think so. but then argyle and el conspire against him (and the fact that they're worried enough about him to make him eat something in the first place is really telling of how much trouble he's in), and he admits defeat and accepts more help

mike: okay, okay! no, you're right. it's good.

el says the pizza is good. jonathan and argyle said the risotto was good. will was eating at breakfast

mike wasn't eating the risotto when he disappeared and someone else filled his place. mike wasn't eating breakfast before he went up to el's bedroom and someone else filled his place. mike wasn't eating back in season 2 while his parents listed off all the ways he's bad and horrible, fundamentally, as a person. mike wasn't eating in the first episode when his parents said that he shouldn't look for will. nancy told mike that the things he likes to eat are disgusting in season 1

it was never about vecna. the food is mike. admitting that the food is good is admitting that he is good

el knows this. will knows this. jonathan knows this. argyle knows this, and he's only known mike for a week. the entire party knows this. dustin, lucas, joyce, max. even karen's catching on. ted thinks the game mike likes is lame and for nerds, but that it being called pure evil is ridiculous. nancy cried when she saw a vision of mike's dead body and used the desire to keep that from becoming reality as fuel to keep fighting

dustin told mike not to jump off the quarry. el always finds the strength to save mike. steve saved him in the tunnels. max freaked out when she thought he was dead at starcourt

mike constantly throws himself into dangerous situations with no care for his own safety. he put himself at high risk of getting shot during the shootout by physically shielding the others because he thought that would be better than will or jonathan getting shot, which jonathan had to put a stop to

everyone knows that mike wheeler is worth it. they're just waiting for him to catch up

that's what mike needs to beat this. he needs to realise that he, mike wheeler, is worth fighting for, exactly as he is. that his continued existence in this world is worth preserving. that he can't let himself disappear. fighting for his friends isn't enough, he has to fight for himself

here’s where we get into the mind fight, which mike isn’t really apart of, so there shouldn’t be a lot to say. right?

vecna: you think i don't see what you're doing? memory max: is mike a good kisser? vecna: you think i don't see everything?

no, it turns out there’s this very conspicuous placement of a mike mention in this part of the story. the dialogue in the memory montages this episode matter, and max's first one in the running up that hill scene had barely any dialogue because words don't seem to be the point for her. the point is the togetherness and joy and sense of belonging from having fun with her friends. if the point of that memory is el laughing, they could have just had that. they didn't have to include the line about mike right in the middle of vecna saying he sees everything, but they did. because vecna is watching mike, and watching el through mike

el was giving the cali crew updates the whole time she was looking for max. vecna only came for max when el said she was getting close so that he wouldn’t kill max too soon

into the red mind soup world we go! vecna monologues, tells el she's the monster, says that the whole point of this was for her to watch max die

vecna: all i needed was someone to open the door. and you did that for me. without even realising it. didn't you? and when you did realise, you chose to resist.

this would work perfectly if you put mike in this scene. mike was used to open the door to get el here. mike didn't know what he was doing. mike doesn't even need to fully realise what's happening to resist it

and now, we’ve finally reached the infamous monologue

mike asks if el can hear him a lot. the answer is yes, but she can't tell him. she can't tell him because of the vines. she can't tell him that she knows what he's been trying to say all week because mike isn't just mike anymore

mike: el? i don't know if you can hear this, but… but if you can, i want you to know i'm here, okay? i'm right here.

more confirmation that mike hasn't disappeared yet. that he's still in there. that there's still hope

then he starts getting into all the obvious lies. but the thing is, i don't think they're lies, because i don't think mike is the one saying them. mike is a good liar. vecna is giving the monologue. which means it's not a lie, it's just not true. and mike looks like he's fighting it the whole time. this is where the alternate interpretation of what a mind fight is comes in

at the end of season 3, max and mike were the ones with el when vecna chased her through starcourt. they tried to protect her from vecna. they stalled long enough to keep el from getting skewered and for joyce to close the gate. now el is trapped, max is being killed in front of her, and mike is monologuing down from the sky and making her cry. they are both being used to hurt el

el knows that mike hasn't loved her since the day they met, because she heard him say he wanted to send her back to pennhurst that first night. el knows that mike can live without her (if not happily), because he made it a whole year into her disappearance but less than a week into will's. el knows that mike's life didn't start the day he met her, because he tried to end it a few days later when she ran off and took any hope of finding will with her

it's not until mike calls el a superhero again that she realises exactly what's happening

el's reaction to mike saying he can't lose her looks like she's thinking the exact same thing. she knows something's wrong with mike, and she doesn't want to lose him either, because he was one of the first friends she ever made and she doesn't want him to disappear

mike starts parroting what brenner said about flying and moving mountains, and el looks angry. she looks at vecna, looming ominously over max, not lifting a finger to stop mike's supposedly good monologue. and then she's able to pull away from the vines

mike was a distraction. mike was keeping el from breaking away sooner and saving max and hawkins

this is what they meant by forced conformity killing the kids. mike didn't choose to conform to society's expectations of the nature of his relationship with el, he was forced into it. and max died because of it

max's plan didn't work. nancy's plan didn't work. el's plan didn't work. dustin's plan didn't work

joyce's plan did. joyce caught vecna off guard again. and it worked because she didn't tell the kids what she found out about hopper. mike had no clue what she was doing. he didn't know she was involved, and vecna distracted him before he could figure it out by himself

vecna screwed himself over. because despite all the posturing about being the superior specimen, vecna is not as smart as mike. that's why mike had to be free to find el. because mike is better than him. mike has foiled his evil plans over and over and over again. even now, when vecna's supposed to have total control, mike managed to warn el when he was only at 30% control against vecna's 70%, and he did it in a way where vecna doesn't even know she knows. vecna screwed himself over letting mike have even that much, because mike is better than him, whether he likes it or not

the gates opening -> mike urging el to wake up -> el reviving max

once again, mike is right in the middle of things that are happening because of vecna despite supposedly having nothing to do with it

the fact that he's crying is also a massive red flag. he's one of the most emotionally closed off characters on the show. he only cries when something's seriously wrong

he really is terrified of losing el, and he's spent the better part of the past week trying to figure out why he said something he didn't mean that pushed her into danger, and he just said a bunch more stuff he didn't mean, and she hasn't woken up yet, and if she never does it'll be his fault

two days later, mike is back to himself. the first thing he does is hug karen

karen: you are never going on vacation again, you hear me? in fact, you can forget about college. you are staying right here.

there’s more of mike being “here,” officially adding karen to the list of people who will probably be fighting for him in season 5

then we cut to jonathan and nancy

jonathan: this isn't an earthquake. i know. i know a lot more than you think. nancy: how? we've been trying to call you— jonathan: i know. i know, i'm sorry. we just couldn't risk contact. nancy: "we couldn't risk contact"? jonathan: hey, hey. i'll tell you everything, okay? i promise.

we know jonathan's very perceptive. jonathan sees things that people try to hide. jonathan's been with mike all week, jonathan's seen everything, and jonathan's hinting at having more answers than anyone would expect

i honestly think he has the best frame of reference for mike's normal behaviour. he's known him since he was five, he's older than him so has a better memory of certain points of his life (as illustrated by the toy up the nose story that will only vaguely remembered), and he didn't stop paying attention to him the second he stopped being cuter than his baby sister like the wheelers did

at the hospital, mike is in the same room as lucas for a grand total of ten seconds before lucas notices that something’s wrong with him

i can't for the life of me figure out what tipped him off. i have no idea what's going through his head or why he gives mike such a suspicious look, similar to el's from the pizza box glasses conversation. mike can't see lucas as he realises something’s wrong because it's during the hug, just like he couldn't see el before, which means that vecna can't see that they're onto him either

i'm confident that he was 100% mike at this point (with vecna still in his head, just dormant again), but the effect it's had on him is apparently still extremely noticeable to the people who know him very well

mike didn't seem to know that el brought max back to life. she didn't tell him, and she doesn't explain now either. he'll have to be in the dark on basically everything in season 5 for them to stand a chance, up until the point where they get him back properly, which is a major problem because mike is instrumental to figuring things out and making plans. hawkins literally fell apart without him

will looks concerned when he finds out how messy mike has gotten from nancy’s lighthearted jab about his bedroom. it seems like a lot of different people are collecting a lot of different pieces that they'll have to put their heads together to make sense of

when nancy talks to jonathan one on one again, they continue to hide what’s going on with mike behind the relationship drama. she says that she's glad jonathan was with mike first and will second, kind of as an afterthought, which is another hint towards jonathan knowing what's going on with mike

while they’re cleaning up the cabin, el not talking to mike goes from implicit to textual

will: did she… talk to you at all? mike: not much. i mean, a little bit.

this is exactly what jonathan was talking about. team hawkins was trying to call the byers, but they couldn't risk contact in case the government was listening. mike has been trying to call the byers, but they can't risk contact in case vecna is listening

i’m pretty sure this is what mike was going for in the first place. the idea of distancing himself from the group and el specifically. it’s exactly the kind of move he would pull, and it’s funny that they ended up going with what was originally mike’s plan because it’s just the best course of action. he came up with it days ahead of anyone else, based mostly on instinct and not the evidence that el and jonathan needed to collect over the week to figure it out

will: it's strange, knowing now who it was this whole time, but…

the camera is focused on mike as will says this. half of his face is in shadow, which conveys a sense of duplicity

we cut away for a second, but it comes back to mike for will to say that vecna won't stop until he's taken everything. vecna will likely try to completely take over mike's mind. possibly as a replacement body, because he knows they wouldn’t dare try the molotov cocktail trick when killing him means killing mike too. this matches up with what happened in season 2 and joyce's fear that will would cease to exist as the possession grew stronger

then the adults show up and mike gets an individual reunion with hopper, which kind of visually parallels the one with karen

hopper: you’ve grown. mike: yeah. you shrunk.

hopper’s comment puts him on the team of people who will be fighting to get mike back in season 5 too. staying “here” is connected to growth, and he’s happy to see that mike has grown, and he’s going to want him to keep doing that

mike’s part is more of the same of their dynamic from the start of season 3. mike is being annoying to show affection because hopper is one of the few adults he feels safe enough to act like an obnoxious teenager around. but hopper doesn’t get mad about it this time, he gets this fond smile on his face and initiates the hug. this is one more thing that mike’s been conditioned to think is bad about himself getting treated as good instead

hopper was vitally important to figuring out will’s possession. he was the first person joyce called and he’s the one who always figured out what will was saying when he found unconventional ways to communicate like through drawings or morse code. hopper’s probably going to do something similar for mike

[gamerbearmira]

ALMA REALIZING SHES WRONG (NOT CLICKBAIT!!)

I said I’d give Housebroken AND I WILL DELIVER. I WILL 💪💪💪

LEAVE GET ITTTTT

_____

Mirabel saw her abuela sitting by the river. She could hear faint whispering, though unlike Dolores, or even Isabela, she just didn't have the hearing to quite pick up what she was saying. She walked closer, not wanting to scare Alma. The older woman didn't seem to notice her, not really. Mirabel's wing fluttered gently as she walked towards her.

"Abuela?" Mirabel asked, her voice slightly raspy from the disuse of a human language.

Alma jumped a bit, turning to look at Mirabel. Instead of the disdain she had seen before, she just looked sad, turning back towards the river. Mirabel had caught a glimpse at the tears that were still falling from her eyes. Mirabel paused before moving to sit down next to Alma

There was a bout of silence before Alma finally spoke up. "You know...Pedro loved all kinds of animals. But butterflies were always his favorite."

Mirabel looked towards Alma in shock, and opened her mouth to speak, but quickly closed it to let her continue. "I had always suspected that the candle wasn't the only kind of magic. That it had come with some kind of price to pay. But I never knew what. I was convinced that I needed to...prove that we deserved it. But in the end...I guess I was wrong."

One of Mirabel's 4 hands moved to rest on top of Aoma's. She didn't pull away. She held it gently, much to Mirabel's surprise. "Is...this the price?" Mirabel asked, referring to the curse. Alma looked at her, searching her face before looking back at the river.

"I don't know. And I could never bring myself to come back here to see," Alma says truthfully, squeezing Mirabel's hand. "Though looking back at it, it seems that Pedro might've already been...like you. And the others."

"Really?" Mirabel asked, and she looked excited. Alma looked at her for a moment. Mirabel looked pretty much the same since she was a kid. She still had that sparkle in her whenever she got excited about something.

Alma couldn't help but smile.

"Yes. I saw a photo, a little before I had your mamá, tía and tío. I had thought it was a costume of some sort but looking back," Alma paused, her smile faltering for a moment. "I don't think it was a photo."

"What did he get?" Mirabel asked curiously, and Alma chuckled.

"A lion. Ironic isn't it?" Alma said in a bittersweet tone.

There was more silence. The two sat by the river. Mirabel had a question, a question that she wasn't the only one to think of. The other family members wondered the same. She was here with her abuela, and she was listening.

"Abuela?" Mirabel caught Alma's attention, and she looked toward her granddaughter, waiting for her to finish talking. "Did you...did you really hate us back then? Were you upset about...us being this way?"

Alma stared at Mirabel, and her face visibly fell, and she looked horrified before looking down into her lap. Alma didn't say anything, and Mirabel grew worried. Had she gone too far? Maybe she shouldn't have asked.

Before Mirabel could open up and apologize, Alma finally spoke. "No." Mirabel was shocked. She sort of half expected her to say yes. She felt silly for thinking that now.

"R-Really?" Mirabel asked a small smile on her face. She couldn't help but feel happy that all those years ago, she hadn't hated them.

"I was...scared more than anything. I blamed myself. I thought I had done something wrong. That I had failed," Alma sighed deeply, and she tried to turn her head, but Mirabel could see the tears streaming down her face. "I didn't mean to drive you away. Or any of them. And for years, I was trying to work up the courage to apologize, to bring you all back. But I never could."

"So...did you?" Mirabel didn't finish her question, knowing her abuela knew what she was talking about.

"Sí. I did. Mamy times. But I didn't," Alma turned towards Mirabel, grabbing her hands. "Mirabel, listen. I'm not expecting you or the family to forgive me. And I'm not asking you to forget about what happened, and what I did. But...I am asking that you all, you, mi nieta, give me another chance."

"I-" Mirabel was cut off by Alma, who squeezed her hands. Mirabel's other two arms jumped up, her wings fluttering once again.

"Please. I just...I just want us to be a family again. I want to change, to be better, for all of you. I'm sorry." Alma pleaded. Mirabel searched her eyes. She tried to look for any sort of lie, some kind of fake apology. But she could tell she was being genuine.

Mirabel gave a watery laugh, hugging her abuela tightly. "That's all we wanted to hear."

—————

I MISSED THIS AU SO MUCH idk why we I stopped. I do still plan on doing it after one of the main three ends, tho I’d say the werewolf au (3 or 4)is coming close to an end rather than Mamabel (5 chapters??)

ANYWAYYYYY MORE ASKS SOON <333

[dustyratt]

Hey I hope you’re doing okay! Ive been stalking your page for a while! I’m in the same process of making a visual novel! I was wondering how you do the AI+Sims 4 without it looking you know jacked up! Would love to know your progress!

Hold your hats everyone, i'll be explaining in details...

I was quite sceptical about AI previously. It felt like I'm being replaced with something monstrous, artificial - the imitation of life that's superior me on every single parameter. The sudden sting of a guilt for years of seemingly vain trials and tribulations. Was it all just for nothing? I believe everyone of us came to that question sooner or later. But here I stand telling you how to make a machine fulfill your demands.

First thing. The machine loves precise. From my personal experience, a better formed human wish grants a better machinery result. A less formed wish gives it a choice. Think beforehand, seek the patterns (keywords) that may help you sustain the artstyle throughout the workflow.

Tell the AI what it needs to do. Give it a reference image and explain how you want it to be changed. For example, I want this alien dude becoming a:

"A visually ominous face of an eyeless humanoid creature. This divine image, resembling a digitally rendered painting, showcases the ancient Egyptian god of chaos in detail: sharp chin and cheekbones, dark gray and beige skin, shimmering with pulsating rainbow hues, blood is visibly circulating under his translucent, cadaverous skin. His mouth with tightened teeth grins menacingly. The overall composition is dynamic and captivating, evoking a sense of fear, malevolent power and impending chaos". That will be my prompt. If you're lacking skills then put your hands on other's results, copy their prompts and reshape according to your needs.

Oh. Not so eyeless. Let's give it less of a free will shall we?

Better now! Sadly the eyes are in place, as you can see it is not perfect even with precise input. Now let's make about 5-10 generations with same settings. It may take time to pass a cooldown after you'll run out of tokens, so be patient. If you have absolutely no spare money to buy a decent amount of generations (or if the transactions themselves are banned in your country 👍) and your enthusiasm is on pathetically vigorous level join me on free trial option almost any of the AI sites provide. That is fair exchange - money or your time.

You get what I mean? It could be anything shaped into another anything. Put here your sim, order a nice shot - here you go! Make something out of nothing with the power of words. Make a human being... some kind of.

Hooray! Not only we have the result we craved for but a whole bunch of reusable high-quality textures of various nature.

Our next step: we go in a deep dark lair of creator's mind. Hm-m, I'd correct here and there, erased that part and attached that one... Now we play "compile your Frankenstein out of everything that is not in its place". Of course a machine is not yet on the level where there wouldn't be a possibility to distinct its presence. So to hide these little (big, actually) inconsistencies we use a power of photo editing. Grab your software. With the power given to you by the sense of vision eliminate the overgrowing fingers and fight back mutilated teeth clumps.

Meet my favourite one hundred percent AI generated method. Generate a simple low quality image free and effortlessly (I use Craiyon, the perfect weapon)

Let another AI add the details for you. Catches the concept just great. Though it does not mean no handiwork after.

You can stylize it even further. Here you can see AI generated monster dudes crispy pixelated after a luxurious tour into pixelart AI. Good thing for a pixel indie gamestyle.

So, that's it. The secret is basically in your own hands. Acknowledge the style of your game, follow it while generating contents and patch up the AI mistakes.

+ zero investments

+ compensation for a lack of skills / hardware

+ easy to use

- even more work than if you would do all the same without AI

- straight dependence on sites / chat-bots, etc.

- time consuming

- many limitations (forget this if you're not on a free subscription... wait a second that abolish the first plus too!)

Hope it was helpful!

[kingsmoot]

i'm stealing the asoiaf ask meme from here and only answering the ones i wanna do

1. Favorite Great House

BOLTON ❤️🩷⚔️

2. Favorite sigil/house words

Bolton flayed man / Greyjoy kraken of the main greathouses but House Horpe fucks the hardest

i don't like the house but Baratheon's "Ours is the Fury" FUCKS. also partial to Targaryen "Fire and Blood" for the mad max association. Stark "Winter is Coming" i have a permanent affection for bc i so clearly remember the feeling as a kid of reading it for the first time and thinking "that makes no sense??" and then reading the rest of the book and coming to understand those words very well.

3. Which book or character did you not like at first but eventually grew on you?

i straight up hated Jaime when i first read the series could not STAND his ass. hated him and Brienne getting together. hated him with Cersei. he is now one of my fav characters and these are teo of my fav relationships.

4. A quote so good it makes you crazy

5. Favorite bastard

WAMS

6. Who are you traveling the ravaged Riverlands with?

BRIENNE, PLEASE!!!

7. Favorite sibling dynamic

theon + asha but because i want them to have sex. i've been bothering my friend wormy for a week with my asha's rehabilitatibe rape kink pitch.

favorite siblings who i don't want to have sex are jon and arya.

8. Favorite theme

hard to pick but if i had to pick one i love how often beautiful characters who base their sense of self on their beauty and were known for it recognized for it and defined by it often get gruesomely mauled in ways that leave them visibly physically disabled and then they have to pick up the pieces and start figuring out who they are WITHOUT youth and beauty and vigor. i love this theme bc real life is also like this in basically all cases... it's just less of an all at once due to catastrophic intervention thing and more of a time taking its course thing as we all age into disability and out of beauty.

9. A mystery you need solved NOW

who is the mystery assassin haunting winterfell bc it can't be any of the named characters who we have established as already there so. like. lyanna rising from the crypts????

10. A theory you’ve adopted as canon

this is not a theory it is just my own personal head canon that is disproved very easily by canon but idc: that the miller's wife of acorn waters and the miller's wife of weeping waters are the same person. she moved to a nicer neighborhood with a better school district after she got remarried idk. these are my beliefs.

11. A theory you pray never comes true

i have accepted that jon/dany will become canon and i am so fucking mad dude about it, dude i'm lighting candles every day to ward it off

12. A moment that made you cry

"Sister. See? I knew you this time." rips me to shreds every single time without fail also cersei purposefully hurting taena when they have sex and thinking "this doesn't feel good. why would men do this to me if it doesn't feel good?" also jeyne crying that she'll do whatever ramsay wants even with the dog also theon telling us that helicent is a good dog that it was hard to remember sometimes but that they were all good dogs

13. A character so queer-coded you’d argue it to GRRM’s face

THEON AND ASHA. SORRY. THE FACT THAT HE HAS SAID THAT THEY ARE BOTH COMPLETELY STRAIGHT IS INSANE. LIKE THIS IS THE MAN WHO "DIDN'T KNOW" THAT THE RAINBOW CLOAKS OF RENLY'S GUARD COULD REFERENCE THE PRIDE FLAG. HEAD IN HANDS. THESE ARE GAY PEOPLE.

14. A ship that gives you the absolute ick

sansan i will defeat you if it's the last thing i do

15. Favorite “problematic” ship

thramsay, theonasha, and throose

16. Favorite canon ship

thramsay and jaime/brienne

17. If you write fic, is there a ship or au you would like to write for, but haven’t yet?

my two little asoiaf ficlets are both wip rn but soon i hope they will be published. they're throose + thramsay. i should write a theonasha one too actually. adds to list.

18. A POV character you wish wasn’t

QUENTYN AND DAVOS. ENOOOOUUUUGGGHHHHHH. I'VE HAD ENOOOOOUUUUGGGHHH.

19. Who would you elevate to a POV character?

she knows too much i think for it to work but my kingdom for a Barbrey chapter

20. A fancast you absolutely can’t stand

every little blue eyed elven 5'8" twink you guys keep digging up for your ramsay fancasts i saw someone suggest BARRY KEOGHAN?????????????????? LET'S BE SERIOUS

21. A fancast that just IS a character

https://.kingmoot tumblr.com/tagged/fancast tag

also i must say li'l jakey from hotd IS lich rally jon snow... a li'l too pretty but like SUCH a strong vibe.... i agree w the general consensus that he would be a gr8 lord commander

22. What’s something you wish GRRM handled better? (a character/theme/world building etc)

george has a lot of flaws that people project onto him which are not actual problems in his books. such as women lacking depth or him not understanding math. these have become memes at this point but they are both untrue.

he is, however, embarrassingly racist in his portrayal of the dothraki, of all the people of the free cities and slaver's bay, and of summer islanders

his characters of color are often if not always silent, under or undeveloped, and hypersexualized. his response to criticism of dany as a white savior being "well slavery in the free cities is like it was in the roman empire, which was not based on race" is hard to take seriously when all of the unsullied are ambiguously brown.

i think the racism in the main series is underdiscussed in favor of people talking about glaring problems in the HBOGOT show that are not present at all in the books.

23. An event/era in TWOIAF that you would love to see a film/tv adaptation of

I WANT A FULL BOLTON FAMILY TREE BACK TO THE AGE OF HEROS AND I WANT A HOTD SHOW ABOUT THE OLD KINGS IN THE NORTH FROM WHEN THE RED KING OF HOUSE BOLTON BENT THE KNEE TO HOUSE STARK RAUGH

24. Is there a house would you fit in with based off your own looks? A house you would fit in with based off your personality/ideals/vibes etc?

DIS IS SUCH A CUTE QUESTION I LOVE IT. i had jet black hair until recently and blue eyes so i would be a baratheon. w my current mousy brown i guess i'm somewhere between a stark and a tully? my hair is not auburn but it is a warm brown. but spiritually it will be bottle black forever so. ours is the fury!!

25. Your Drunk History topic (a character/theory/event/etc)

my poor dear beloved friend alex has been listening to me talk incesantly about roose ramsay and theon for like two years now. and i've been dead sober the whole time and I'm still finding more to say.

26. Be honest, are you still waiting for TWOW

SUMMER 2024 BABY IT WILL HAPPEN. IT WILL. I STILL BELIEVE!!! I STILL BELIEEEEEEVE!!!

[livingdeadhorse]

YOU GET IT!!! YOU GET HOW ABSOLUTELY CRINGE GIRLFAIL FAKE CELESTE IS!! 

The moment she started yapping about her experience as a gambler in her FTE, to simply turn out to be nothing but gambling manga references, made me so embarrassed for her. She’s absolutely so cringe, and to add on that, in “Hair & Gyoza” (Danganronpa 3 Drama CDs ALL 4 DISCS: Kizakura’s Double, Departure, & 2 Bonus Discs! ~LOST MEDIA~ found on YouTube), 

She mentions wanting to ride a robot. 

(My Japanese isn’t that good, but I’ll try to translate to the best of my ability.) 

“I have almost done everything that can be done in this world. Someday, I would like to be summoned from the Tokyo Tower to another world and try gambling while riding a giant robot.” 

Like, what!? HELLO???

It’s also explained that she only joined Hope’s Peak because Kizakura Koichi mentioned a lucky student would be joining her class, and she flat out said it was a sign she was chosen by the ultimate lucky student in her class (Naegi). And for my personal view, when she antagonized Naegi for Sayaka’s murder, I feel like that’s her testing his luck, perhaps? But it also might explain why she’s in the background of every pre-game photo just standing, she spends her life in the underground gambling so of course she’s going to be socially awkward

SHE’S SO CRINGE I CAN’T //affectionate!!

And you’re so correct that everything in chapter 3 was just her being her! People mention why didn’t she use her great poker face in that trial, as if we didn’t see her snap over the littlest thing, such as Hifumi over her milk tea not being exactly how she wanted, or when in “Hair & Gyoza,” throwing a TANTRUM when Kizakura accidentally slipped on a gyoza wrapping and ripped off her drills, kicking, screaming, only to calm down when she requested Kizakura to give her a massage. She makes me physically recoil. So, of course, she’s going to be yelling when she is on trial for a DOUBLE MURDER!! 

As for Celeste’s ass-kissing scene for Byakuya, I interpret it as Celeste having a crush on him, maybe? In the DR collab with Sanrio, Kuromi has a crush on Badtz-maru, something Celeste and Byakuya are seen with in the collab and Celeste’s JP voice actor interview mentions,

“It’s something like, Celestia, Togami, Fukawa, a love triangle?”

that I found on 101soundboards (DANGANRONPA REARRANGE SOUNDTRACK & ORIGINAL DRAMA CD ダンガンロンパ リアレンジサウンドトラック ＆ オリジナルドラマCD - Video Game Music).

I think that’s a neat detail, but SHE’S SUCH A LOSER!! I LOVE HER AND HATE HER!!!

HIIIII YO I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE MANGA REFERENCES. So cornyyy what is wrong with her. More evidence for my Hifumi and Celeste were friends propaganda. Two losers who live vicariously through media.

I had NO idea about the drama CDs oh my God, I can't thank you enough. She wants to be ISEKAI'D LMAO.

I remember Koichi mentioning he was going to scout Celestia, but I don't remember the tidbit about the lucky student. Is that from the anime or other supplementary media? Either way, Celestia living out her "chosen one" fantasy through such stupid means. I can't take her seriously I can't. Her antagonizing Makoto to test his luck is a really cool interpretation! I chalked it up to her usual meddling behavior but it's been established that she had been curious about his luck and how it compares to hers....thinking emoji.

Also yeah, I'm sure the actual reason she's just standing there in the photos is because they didn't want to draw a complicated character design over and over again but. One of the only pictures where they don't slap a sprite png on the background is the one with Hifumi where she's visibly embarrassed. Honestly, I think most HPA students are socially awkward. It'd be easier to count the ones who ARE good at socializing. Also in the manga it's slightly implied that she grew up isolated or even bullied. Also her insistence that Yasuhiro is a loser's name...#wdym

She makes me physically recoil. So, of course, she’s going to be yelling when she is on trial for a DOUBLE MURDER!!

OH MY GOD YOU GET IT. This is the riskiest gamble she's ever done and from the moment Hifumi doesn't die immediately, she knows she's fucked.

I had no idea that there were hints towards her crushing on Byakuya! I personally interpreted the ass-kissing as her wanting to BE Togami. He's rich, powerful, famous, and nothing about his life is "boring". From the second he shows up, he draws everyone's attention and even gains admirers. He is looked after by servants and travels the world. He is EVERYTHING Celestia wants, so he's definitely at the very top of her ranking system.

ALSO THANK YOU SM FOR THE DRAMA CD SOURCES!!!! I love and hate her so much. Just such a weird woman (VERY affectionate).

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Assassin Rescues Prisoner from Target's house part 4

TW: blood, intense torture, recovery, pain, death, assassination, severe whump, etc.

FLASHBACK:::

Jax was out on a job, working alongside his apprentice, Kieran. His flippant, reckless, and only companion. Jax always feared that his carelessness would get him killed one day... and that's exactly what happened. His apprentice and him had been tracking an elusive target for several days, a corrupt politician, and finally believed they had cornered them. But it turned out to be a trap.

They were slinking soundlessly through the city streets, no more than twin shadows in the night, cloaked in darkness, their greatest ally. Their target had fled there to hide. But the two of them made a great team, and were the best hunters in existence. No one could ever escape them. The two of them moved with predatory grace and silent stealth as they navigated their way through the streets undetected. Invisible to the world.

They came upon a large building with lights out, and split up to case it, meeting back in front.

"All clear," Kieran whispered, his voice no more than a quiet breath of air. "No guards posted."

That alone set off dozens of red flags for Jax. Too easy. His sense for danger was going off like crazy. "Stay vigilant," he warned, turning to face Kieran... only to find him already in motion.

That blasted kid--- Jax cursed silently to himself, and lunged forward to intercept his eager apprentice as he darted toward the building, taking a running leap at it.

"Kieran!" he hissed urgently, reaching out a hand to stop him.

With ninja-like agility, Kieran dodged him and sprung up to grab a high windowsill, pulling himself up so that he perched there like a cat on the ledge. He stared down at Jax with a mischievous smirk.

"Come on old man," he teased good-naturedly. "Learn to live a little." Kieran pried open the window and slipped inside the building without hesitation. Jax felt a wave of frustrated anger wash over him. Why couldn't that kid ever listen to his wisdom? Rolling his eyes with exasperation, he calculated the distance and made the jump himself, easily heaving himself through the window into the dark building.

"Something's not right," Jax growled quietly, as he caught up with Kieran's silent shadow in a dark hall. But Kieran kept on moving, tossing him a troublesome grin that was visible in the dark only by the flash of white teeth, followed by a wink.

"Something's always wrong when it comes to you," he breathed an airy laugh. "Relax, we'll be fine. We always are."

"Just because we are winning does not mean we have won," Jax said pointedly. "Your cockiness in the face of danger worries me. Have you no sense of caution?"

"Thou speaketh wise words," Kieran teased, amused. "But alas, we are on a mission that cannot wait."

"I think we should wait for reinforcements to arrive," Jax suggested, specifically referring to the only other ally he had, a female ninja assassin by the name of Ella.

"Pfft, don't be such a worrier. Since when have we ever needed backup? The more people who get involved, the more divided the reward amongst them. I'm not sharing my prize with anyone but you," Kieran said stubbornly.

Jax trailed uneasily after his apprentice as they walked further into the building. But then, they reached the center of it, emerging into a large room, and that's when all chaos was let loose.

All the lights turned on at once, chasing away the darkness they were using for cover. They had been expected. A group of five men armed with knives and guns came jumping out of hiding to surround them.

"It's a trap!" Jax shouted with realization. He drew his dagger in a heartbeat, fanning out a handful of throwing knives in his free hand that he sent whizzing through the air with deadly accuracy. "Believe me now, Kieran?" He snapped, voice coming out in a snarl.

They stood back-to-back as danger closed in from all sides in the giant room, taking on the opponents that outnumbered them. But Jax and Kieran were the best fighters out there, and they held their own well, tearing through the group with deadly precision, Jax taking on three, and Kieran battling with the remaining two. Their movements were fluid and perfectly in-sync, covering each other's blindspots.

Soon all the guards lay strewn across the floor in varying states of consciousness, moans of pain ringing through the air. Jax surveyed the carnage, panting hard from exertion, before something hard and solid suddenly slammed into him, sending him staggering to the side.

"WATCH OUT!" A warning shouted before a sharp cry of pain followed. Jax whirled around to see Kieran clutching his chest... where red spilled out the front of his black suit from a hole in his chest, having taken the bullet that had been meant for his mentor.

Kieran's eyes were wide with shock as he touched his chest, staring numbly at the hand that came away smeared with blood.

"Uh... J-Jax?" He said, his voice shaky with fear. His gaze flicked up to meet his mentor's, and then... he crumpled to the floor, spitting blood that filled his lungs.

Jax immediately spotted the man that had fired the shot, the politician himself standing in the doorway they'd come through, and sent a throwing knife whistling his way, quickly dispatching him before dropping down next to his apprentice, putting pressure on the wound with one hand while ripping off a piece of his cloak to wrap around it. He needed to get Kieran to a medic, fast. Or Ella. She would know how to save him.

"What were you thinking?! WERE you even thinking?" Jax barked, a little harsher than he meant it.

Kieran offered a shaky smile, despite the situation. "Hey... someone has to watch your back... right?" He coughed, blood beading in the corners of his mouth.

"How can you still be making jokes right now?!" Jax snapped angrily, frustration spiking.

Kieran's smile wobbled, and fell away. "I figured it would... kff... ease your conscience a little... make it easier for you--"

"--Don't talk like that," Jax sharply cut him off, voice catching in his throat. "Don't even go there. You're going to be fine, there's still time to save you--"

"I think we both know that's not true," Kieran wheezed weakly, fixing Jax with a knowing gaze. "You were right... I should've... listened to you... and now... I'm simply paying the price... for my mistake... it's not your fault... I'm so reckless..."

"No, you can't leave me here alone. I won't allow it," Jax growled firmly, but couldn't help the rising panic that seeped into his voice, destroying the last few threads of his usual stoic composure.

Kieran's eyes glittered, a trembling smile warping his lips, still full of that inner fire. "Fight the good fight... old man... for both of us..." a gurgling cough escaped him... and then his body shuddered once, before going limp with a raspy breath, eyes rolling back.

Jax was in total shock, staring down at Kieran in utter disbelief. Part of him expected Kieran to open his eyes again, say it was just a funny prank to pull on him. A minute passed. Then another. Still nothing.

"Come on kid... please don't do this to me--" Jax's voice cracked helplessly as he stared down at the lifeless form in his lap, scarlet blood snaking from his chest and mouth, staining the marbled floor red. His vision blurred, the world spinning.

"Kieran... you have to come back... you always... come back..." But something told him this time was different. Jax's face twisted with anguish and grief, horrified and now more alone than ever before. Something permanently broke inside him, his soul shattering into a thousand razor-sharp pieces. His apprentice... the boy who had cheated death alongside him so many times... gone, just like that. All in an instant. Forever.

He held Kieran close and let his mask fall apart completely, body-racking sobs soon overtaking him as he mourned. He had thought he'd prepared himself for such possibilities, being the tough fighter he was--knowing every mission could be the last for either of them--but he hadn't expected this.

"You did so well," Jax whispered as he kissed his forehead, hugging him tighter. He wished he'd said it more often during their intense sparring and training sessions. "I'm so, so proud of you, kid--more than you'll ever know. I am honored to have... to have been your friend."

An anguished wail tore loose from him, roaring his rage to the world, his pain and anger. He'd failed his apprentice. He should have seen the politician coming-- should've anticipated-- maybe he could have stopped them-- he bowed his head low, shutting out the guilt.

Jax slowly rose to trembling feet, pulling Kieran up with him, and slung his limp body over a shoulder with so much care and gentleness as he escaped the wretched building. He could hear sirens in the distance, no doubt police had been called after hearing gunshots.

He slipped into the familiar, welcoming darkness of the alleyways, making his way back to his underground hideout, his feet heavy as stone with each step, grief shredding him apart from the inside out as he felt Kieran's still-warm blood slide down his skin, soaking through his cloak. Gone. His closest friend, his apprentice and companion, was gone.

From that day on he resolved never to let anyone get close again, lest he experience the pain of losing them again. He worked all his jobs alone, risking his life and his alone.

⏪️ Back Next ⏩️

Masterlist

[mauesartetc]

Hello there maue! Forgot to say thank for the last time I asked you about mixing animals, so thank you! I’ve done lots of animal mixing since then but that’s besides the point.

I have these two characters, Eris and Iris:

The main problem I’m having with them is color. Mainly the rainbow-ish colors in their hair and the use of the black and white respectively. Eris’ problem is trying to put them in more places without making it feel too crowded and Iris’ problem is having them be too close to each other, especially with the hair and ears. Iris is based off a Bat-Eared Fox and Eris is based off a Spring Azure Butterfly. These two are also supposed to be opposites; Eris represents Unity/Protects people and Iris represents Discord/Makes sure people die when they’re supposed to, Also the reason why I did the gold on Eris to contrast the silver on Iris. Maybe they feel a bit off because I put too many colors on them? P.S. Eris’ left hand is a wooden prosthetic so that’s why it has that color, I forgot to put the wood texture on it, same for Iris’ leg.

Any suggestions/tips would be appreciated!

Neat! Man, Iris has come a long way!

I guess my first thought is, if Iris is based on the Bat-Eared Fox, why aren't her ears a lot bigger in proportion to her head?

If her ears were bigger, they wouldn't be obscured by the head wrap anymore, and their colors would be more visible.

For that matter, Eris' wings don't really resemble those of the Spring Azure butterfly. If you asked a butterfly expert to guess the species she's based on, I'd bet anything they wouldn't guess correctly.

I know this is beside the point of your question, but it's just a bit odd to call out specific animal species without making the character designs reflect them. Some pretty key features of these animals are being left out, which will make it difficult for viewers to get the reference without being told. It's like making a zebra-based character without stripes, or a peacock-based character with no reference to the tail feathers.

(I'm also curious how these animals tie in to the "opposite" thing, or how that specific type of fox represents chaos and that specific type of butterfly represents unity, but we'll let it go for now.)

Back to the colors: I think part of the issue is that these very light pastels are being paired with dark colors and shiny metallic bits that draw the eye away from them. It's possible that, as you pointed out, you're using too many colors. Or more specifically, too many hues.

I made swatches of every color that had different variations: Different purples, different blues, greens, and so on, and noted the H (or Hue) value of each in the color picker. Because every one of those numbers is different (though some are close together), it leads to an unfocused palette. It would help to pick a single H value for each color and branch off from there.

Usually I find that 3-4 base colors are plenty for one character, though the rainbow-colored essence of these two makes things a bit trickier. I notice there's no purple in the multicolored elements or wooden prosthetics, though, so unless there's a symbolic/story reason for its presence in Eris' outfit, it might make things simpler to leave it out entirely.

Branching out from these five colors, I first replaced the purple bits with blue (since it's another cool color that's close to purple on the spectrum), then added some green (another cool color) for more interest. Something else I think would help Eris is reversing the pastel and black bits in her hair, so the rainbow frames her face and draws more attention to it through the value contrast.

I also get that the metallic gold and silver bits on their outfits were there to lean into the "opposite" aspect, but the rendering on Eris' gold was a bit distracting from her face. Maybe if the gold bits had a more matte finish and if she had some shiny gold ornamentation around her face (a tiara or a choker, maybe?), that might work-? But then it might also distract from the hair and make things look too busy up there. In any case, experimentation is just part of the process.

(Another way you could make two characters look like opposites through color is by giving them complementary palettes. Disney's done some of this with their heroes and villains: Hercules is mainly orange while Hades is mainly blue, Aurora has blond (yellow) hair while Maleficent has purple robes, and Peter Pan's outfit is green while Captain Hook's is red. Just an idea.)

I hope this gave you some helpful insights in taking these designs to the next step. Good luck!

[wromwood]

Nothing recent caused this reflection, but I'm reflecting nonetheless:

It's interesting just what events will cause certain opinions about you to be formed. Or how surprised you can be by certain opinions about you, despite their reasons being clear to others.

Full story under read more.

When I lived in Edinburgh for a year, I cooked dinner for myself all the time. This was purely for cost-saving measures. I only ate out once in a while, and even then, I typically kept things cheap.

I didn't have much fridge/kitchen space in my dorm's shared kitchen and I didn't want to cook a new thing every night, so I developed a routine of making a HUGE batch of something every 4-5 days. I'd have a fresh hot meal on the night I cooked the whole batch, then eat the leftovers over the following days. This led to a lot of stews, rice dishes, curries, etc.

For breakfast and lunch? Well, if I could sleep in, I'd skip breakfast and eat a PBJ for lunch, supplementing myself with snacks until dinner. If I couldn't sleep in, the PBJ was my breakfast and I'd have a Tesco or Sainsbury's meal deal for lunch. It wasn't the healthiest life (and I'm still recovering from being sick of PBJs), but I did my best under the circumstances.

Sometime during the middle of my time in that dorm building, I was surprised to find that I had gained a reputation on our floor: if my neighbors weren't lying to my face, I was known as "the chef."

It really baffled me at first. I wasn't cooking a lot of complicated stuff, I was always referring to recipes I got off the Internet, and I was actively trying to cut down on my cooking work. And it wasn't like I was living among people who were incompetent in the kitchen. My Indian dorm-neighbor was often in the kitchen too, and I have many fond memories of her giving me tastes of the things she made. My American dorm-neighbor made a couple of interesting things, and while my other dorm-neighbors seemed to mostly stick to soups, there was definitely evidence of higher kitchen utilization.

So why was I known as the chef?

Of course, I later realized why this was. Despite only actively cooking once every 4-5 days, my dorm-neighbors saw me most in the kitchen. When they did see me cooking, they saw me constantly referring to recipes that I handwrote in a notebook, supervising pots on the stove, ensuring that I had some vegetable component in what I made, etc. When they asked about my meals, I'd often admit I was trying a new recipe that I hadn't made before, or that I was trying to recreate something I liked, or that I had found such-and-such ingredient in such-and-such store...

They judged the work I put into it that they could see. It didn't matter that I was making huge batches to save time, or only using the most affordable ingredients, or only putting my hardest work into my dinners. It didn't matter that my idea of a "real" chef would have put effort into all of the day's meals, or that they wouldn't cut corners, or that they'd do a better job. My visible work was enough, and a reputation formed without me expecting it.

Also, what I made tended to be unique. One time, I really impressed a neighbor by making a beef stew with wine in it. It took over an HOUR to make that sucker. By the end of it, the whole kitchen smelled of red wine and beef. It didn't matter to them that I had gotten the red wine because it was cheap at Lidl, or that most of the time was spent sitting and waiting for the damn thing to stop cooking. The time I put in, the novelty of the dish compared to what was usually made in that kitchen, and the effect I had on the room itself set it apart.

You're probably wondering what the point of this is. I was too, while I was typing it. I think it's this.

If you're worried about what people think about you, or about what you make (food or otherwise), remember this:

People can only form opinions on what they can see. Only you fully know your process/background.

People recognize effort. Just doing something is the first step to making something think you're at an intermediate level, not just beginner.

If you do something a lot, people tend to assume you're skilled at it.

When people aren't familiar with an area of knowledge, your effort can look SO much greater than what you think it is.

Watching someone put effort, time, and love into a process will almost always impress people, even if they can't enjoy the final process. (For example, even people who couldn't eat the things I cooked due to dietary restrictions/etc. were interested in watching me make it.)

Finally, opinions about you will form whether you want them to or not. So you might as well go out into the world and put love and effort into everything you do.