#for oomf who isn’t done LOL

[umayon]

Made a henri edit, as you can see I got tired pretty quick but alas. I had committed to finishing

[forcebaby732]

“Why Didn’t You Kill Me” Part 15 (ok it’s not the last chptr lol)

Rey wanders the halls of the castle in a daze.

She stares at her shaking hands, from which power like she’s never known, had erupted so spectacularly. How was it possible? How had she and Ben called upon and wielded such energy… from across the galaxy?

The tailor and seamstresses had released her back in her usual attire - a sandy sleeveless top and beige capris, with her belt holding her holster and lightsaber. Her hair remains in an elegant braid and light make up highlights her already lovely features.

Poe comes marching around the corner and is taking a back a moment. He sees Rey, looking as beautiful as he’s ever seen her and laments that she seems so attached to their former enemy Kylo Ren. He had heard about the kiss and it startled him stupid. Two of the most powerful women he knew were now vouching for that man, and he truly hopes that Ren is indeed redeemable. If not, they’re all in for a spectacular ending.

Poe calls out to Rey, but she doesn’t respond. She’s staring at her hands looking scared and he knows something isn’t right.

He jogs up to her and puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Rey, are you ok?”

She’s not ok.

Wielding that power had felt so wonderful. It was vast and limitless and eager to bend to her will.  She longs to feel it in her fingertips again and Rey begins to doubt whether she can control the growing thirst for power within her. Was she losing who she was? What would it mean for her friends?

Poe shakes her out of her dark thoughts.

“Hey! Kid, what’s going on? Snap out of it.”

“Poe,” she whispers and nearly tackles him with a fierce hug.

Oomf. He feels like she’s going to crack his ribs with the strength of her embrace and he pats her awkwardly on the back as he struggles to breathe. Poe feels like a peon compared to her strength.

“It’s alright…”

“I don’t want to change,” Rey blurts out.

Poe is so confused. Comforting women has never been his forte, much less with reduced blood making it to his brain.

“Who said you had to change? Rey, you are good and strong and you love your friends. You don’t have to change for anything or anyone, alright?”

Rey finally loosens her grip and Poe takes the opportunity to slide out of her grasp, take a deep breath and put his hands back on her shoulders.

“You control your own destiny. No one else. Not me. Not Kylo Ren. You. Don’t let anyone else try to tell you who you are. You know that, in your heart, and you’re strong enough to protect it.”

Rey’s eyes finally look up and meet his.

“And we need you to protect us. The resistance and the people are putting their faith in you, because of who you are. Please don’t change that.”

Confidence is returning to her gaze and she straightens her shoulders back up.

“Thank you, Poe. I needed to hear that.”

He smiles his charismatic smile and pats her shoulder in relief.

“Anytime kid. Now, let’s get back to the war room.”

Rey nods and walks ahead while Poe turns and follows, rubbing what he knows will be some good bruising on his ribs later tonight. He doesn’t know who’s more dangerous, the Jedi who hates him or the Jedi who hugs him.

----

Weeks go by and the force does not connect Rey to Ben.

It’s easy to distract herself during the day. Painstaking planning is going into how resistance fighters will get into the ceremony. Fighters will replace members of the Naboo diplomatic delegation, and stand in for handmaidens and other aids. Everyone will be playing a role, down to the wedding officiator. And all of them will have hidden weapons. It’s new tech, undetectable collapsible carbon blasters and energy batons shoved into tall floral arrangements. Once mayhem is unleashed at the ceremony, Naboo’s entire armada will attack, joined soon after by resistance forces standing by on other nearby worlds.

Then, in the confusion of the assault, Ren and his Knights will take down and seize control of the Order from the inside. If all goes to plan, they could win. All this war could finally be over and peace talks would begin…

Hope is growing. Rey can feel it. People are warming up to the idea of peace talks with Kylo Ren, of a transitional constitutional monarchy similar to Naboo’s with elected rulers and a Galactic Senate. Rey’s days are busy and exciting, but at night…

She realizes how dependent she’s become on Ben’s presence in such a short time. Sleep is nearly impossible without him by her side… and she imagines, wherever he is, deep undercover on his mission to infiltrate the First Order, that Ben must be suffering too.

She’s tired and agitated and lonely but she puts a brave face on for her friends.

It’s been three weeks since she used force lightening to help Ben kill a disloyal Knight of Ren and Rey has cemented her determination to not let it change who she is. No matter the strength of the draw to power she felt, she has the choice to control it. It was also apparent to her that this power was only accessible when the two of them were together. She could feel it. It required her positive spirit and his negative one. If she was going to help lead the resistance to victory and freedom, she would have to steel her resolve and her mental resilience.

Rey spends her days meditating, in war meetings and sitting beside Leia’s bed, recounting as many stories as she can about life and Ben and their plans for the future. Sometimes Leia has enough strength to smile and squeeze her hands, but most often she sleeps.

It’s on one such morning, while Rey is gushing to Leia about Ben’s cooking skills and Leia offers her a bleary but sparkling wink, that the commanders in charge of the mission come bursting into the medical suite.

“Rey, we need you. Now.”

A new communication from the First Order has just come in.

Rey knows this is the gravest of matters when she sweeps into the war room and finds Queen Guapay herself standing at the end of the table. She’s in a simpler, black and gold gown, her hair in huge braids creating the illusion of a crown on her head and her make up seemingly rushed. She’s surrounded by her royal handmaidens.

One of the commanders begins the briefing.

“Supreme Commander Hux is demanding to examine his Queen before the ceremony…” the old puffed up commander clears his throat uncomfortably as worried whispers fill the room.

“He also wants to make it clear to the government of Naboo that she will not be his only Queen. That the Supreme Commander intends to take many Queens and build a dynasty where his offspring rule over multiple worlds.”

“This is outrageous,” shouts Finn.

“He’s delusional,” pipes in another.

The commander goes on. “They’ve made it painfully clear in this communication that if we refuse to allow him to inspect his bride ahead of the ceremony that everything will be called off and an invasion will immediately follow.”

“That sick bastard,” Poe roars pounding his fist on a desk.

“Can’t we just accelerate our plans?” Rey speaks up, “I’ll just go and kill him now.”

“No.” It’s Nikai Bastian again. “We don’t have the people in place to support sending you now. You’d be totally alone with no backup or reinforcements and we don’t know where Ren is. We simply can’t risk sending you right now. However, though it is highly unusual, we also cannot risk refusing. We must comply in order for the plan to move forward…”

“But…” Rey jumps in, but she’s cut off by a small strong voice.

“I volunteer!”

All eyes fall on one of the Queen’s handmaidens. Marigold, a young woman Rey’s age with yellow hair and green eyes like the Queen steps forward. “I will go in place of the Queen. It will be my honor.”

“NO!” Rey shouts knowing what it would mean, but she’s cut off again, this time by Queen Guapay herself.

“Jedi Rey. Our mission, if completed, will end a galactic war and bring freedom to all. In order for the plan to work, we all must play our parts. Marigold chooses to make her sacrifice now. She will be honored and live a luxurious life of retirement after this.” 

The Queen locks eyes with Rey who is barely containing her tears of rage.

“Do not fear Jedi. We will care for her. But getting you in position to destroy the First Order once and for all, is paramount. We are all warriors here, do not pity us. But allow us to fight in every way that we can to preserve our surprise attack.”

There’s a long silence in the war room.

Finally, Rey nods.

She’s feeling sick. As the men and women resume talking about the latest turn of events, Rey excuses herself and runs into the hall. She barely makes it to a waste receptacle before she vomits. The thought of the red headed Hux ravaging that poor young girl against her will has her insides churning with anger and frustration and disgust.  Why isn’t there anything I can do?

Then she feels it. Ben is near her in the force again. Rey whips around so quickly that her stomach lurches.

She dives back for the trash receptacle again, heaving into it as Ben’s feet materialize before her.

She registers his surprise and concern, but it’s her who’s surprised when she finally looks up.

Ben is covered head to toe in a heavy black cloak, nothing shows but his fierce eyes that are now wide as he regards her hunched over on the floor. He stands rigid and unmoving, obviously in a place where he must be quiet. This does not appear to be a good time.

You’re ill. 

His deep, echoing voice materializes in her mind, but she notices he does not speak.

Simultaneous fear and relief sweep through her. Relief that he’s alive and with her. Fear that he’s obviously in danger. She thinks back at him.

It’s Hux. He wants to give his Queen a test run before the wedding. Some young girl is going to be a sacrifice to protect the plan. The thought of it… made me sick. 

Do what must be done. We’re close. Tell the rabble, we’ll be in place soon.

Rey gags and only just stops herself from vomiting again. She can’t remember the last time she felt so sick.

Suddenly she registers a swoop of fear that isn’t her own. Her eyes fly up to Ben’s but as suddenly as she felt it, now she only reads calm.

What’s happening?

Nothing. He reassures through the connection. I must go but know this. Every pain he inflicts, we will return ten-fold.

And he’s gone. Rey stands, her determination renewed as she runs back into the war room to let them know Ben and the Knights are nearly in place.

…

In the bowels of the Supremacy, Ben is lying in wait for the moment to strike against the Attendants. The sudden connection with Rey throws him off guard, but it’s her condition that really threatens his composure. He schools his fear in time so as not to worry her, but Ben is left shaken once their bond closes.

He must concentrate on the task at hand, if they’re all to survive.

He does not wish to confirm his suspicion about the true nature of Rey’s illness. Not now. He can’t. He remembers Snoke’s throne room, when he knew the difference between life and death depended on him making Snoke believe that he was about to strike down Rey. He had almost chanted it in his mind, filled himself with the intent to kill and channeled it towards her. The ruse worked, Snoke was tricked, and fell because of it.

Now he needs to do that again. He needs to push Rey and everything else out of his mind.

If they were going to have any future together at all, a future where all things were possible, he was going to need all of his focus and concentration right now.

...

Days later Marigold returns, disheveled and on the brink of collapse. But the Supreme Commander is pleased. He gives final approval for the ceremony and the surrender to move forward.

Rey stands on the landing platform with rebel leaders as the young girl is taken away, down the ramp of a craft and into a transport headed for the med facility. Rey shakes violently with rage and Finn puts a hand on her shoulder.

The platform beneath them shakes. Poe, Finn, Rose and several others look around for the source of the tremor. 

“Is it an earthquake?” calls Rose.

“NO,” Rey spits and the metal support beams suddenly bend around them with a blast of energy unleashed from her fury.

Whoa! They shout as some tumble to the ground. All look at Rey with wide scared eyes.

“I will make Hux hurt like no one else,” comes Rey’s deadly whisper and then she stalks off. Embarrassment at loosing control of her power follows her, but it's not enough to dissuade her determination to make Hux suffer like no man has suffered before.

...

They’re in the war room again when Ben finally comes back to her. 

Rey gasps, backing up into a wall and all eye turn to her.

She distantly registered questions of concern from the gathered leaders but all she can see is Ben.

He’s beaten and bleeding, standing in the tattered remains of his clothing. Sleeves are gone, black shirt ripped across his back, pants soaked in blood.

He takes a wobbly step forward and towers over her breathing hard, hand bracing himself against a wall above her. He doesn’t meet her eye, instead he leans down and rests his bloody head against hers.

Rey hears the collective gasp as the battered Ben materializes before everyone. His massive frame engulfs her and Rey’s hand instinctively runs up his chest,  feeling out his wounds and willing them to heal. They can only just see Rey’s intense gaze from around Ben’s sweaty, blood stained bicep. Then he speaks, and they hear him.

”We’re ready.”

----

ON Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13990587/chapters/32779536

—-

Part 1: http://bit.ly/2IdHDTN

Part 2: http://bit.ly/2Ie5q5G

Part 3: http://bit.ly/2oVTDRD

Part 4: http://bit.ly/2HztYF7

Part 5: https://bit.ly/2G8K7RP

Part 6: https://bit.ly/2GfN5YH

Part 7: https://bit.ly/2upJMJa

Part 8: https://bit.ly/2JbkYaW

Part 9: https://bit.ly/2GZFflF

Part 10: https://bit.ly/2HnC9FF

Part 11: https://bit.ly/2HucNsb

Part 12: https://bit.ly/2vt5sED

Part 13: https://bit.ly/2HvMiDH

Part 14: https://bit.ly/2KxOWGN

Part 16: https://bit.ly/2x5QLYR

—-

TAGS:

LET ME KNOW IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST

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[mxnark]

the best version of yourself 

december 31, 2019

mina isn’t the type to feel ashamed of herself. everyone around her new that she was confident and outspoken. whatever she thought of inside her head, there would be a 59% chance she’d say it with a 41% chance she’d keep it to herself just because she had some manners. of course, she had some class by making a bunch of rant posts on her spam rather than on her main instagram or main twitter. some of her thoughts on real life would go on her stan twitter, but she’s tried her best to keep that mainly kpop and movies. but, to be honest, she wouldn’t have made a spam had it not been for her mutuals and her friends in real life. 

this time, however, she felt emotions that she was afraid to tell anyone else. 

she usually watched the gayos on her own, since she was the only one in the house who had an interest in them because her favorite idols were on that show. however, the one she always kept an eye on was mbc’s gayo daejejun because of the amazing stages that the idols would perform. not to mention, it was the gayo with the countdown to the new year. however, this time, she debated if she even wanted to watch it considering that this was the same exact one that she made a video audition for, only to not get in. 

when she saw the post on mbc’s page, she was disappointed, but not surprised. it was bold of her to assume she would ever get the chance compared to the other dancers. when she watched the other entries, she was already beginning to feel insecure. but seeing the announcement only supported her negative feelings. however, one name catches her eye and it’s the main reason why she watches the music show tonight. 

chungha isn’t the only reason why she’s watching this, but she’s the one mina looks forward to seeing the most. it’s weird how almost two years ago, mina became a fan from watching her on the fourth season of the mgas. now, she was watching her as not only a fan, but a friend. it’s only a glow up she can talk about on her spam, but she’s able to use her excitement for her tweets while streaming. 

she makes sure to tweet about her favorite idols and their performances before the awaited dance performance comes. when it begins, she quickly takes out her phone as she patiently waits for her friend to be shown on her screen. she manages to record the 30 seconds of chungha’s dance on her instagram story while whisper-screaming throughout all of it. “ahh!!! kim chungha is so cool!!!! she’s the coolest unnie ever!!!” and a bunch of “wow!”’s and “so cool!”’s. for the group performance, she kept all her excitement on her twitter with a few pictures saved for her spam later on. 

it’s odd. before watching this, she thought she was going to feel an overwhelming amount of jealousy just by seeing chungha for a second. but after the performance ended, she couldn’t help but feel inspired. perhaps it was because of the fact that this wasn’t the first time she’s seen chungha on national television, but mina didn’t feel too upset like she thought she would. what a relief. 

she posts the pictures on her spamsta (spam + finsta) once the countdown for the new year is finished and captions it with her thoughts. after she posted it, she locked her phone, turned off her tv, and went upstairs to go to bed, excited for what was to come in the future. 

notokmina: do you see her??/ that’s the coolest bitch in the world !!!! ever !!!!!

watching her tonight gave me so much motivation tbh. i remember i used to be so… starstruck by her when i first saw her on mga4 and now i know her in real life and we’re friends !!!! i’m so glad she got to audition for this and perform onstage in front of a bunch of idols. she’s so cool!!!! 

i’m gonna work hard with future covers so that i can hopefully be dancing on that same stage!!!!!!!!! it’d be cooler if it was w her!!!! but yeah. hopefully if i work hard enough, i can be on the stage like her (and my cousin and brother if theyre reading this who knows) 

she leaves a comment under her post. 

notokmina: unnie, if ur reading this, hi!!! very proud of u uwu 

… 

january 2nd, 2020

having been on stan twitter since she moved back to korea, she’s gotten to explore the many sides of the website. though she’s primarily a kpop fan account, she also keeps tabs on film twitter. it’s to the point where she even has mutuals who are apart of that community and she frequently talks to them about her favorite movies (recently, it’s been about it 2 because she loves her best boys richie and eddie). so of course, when she asked for movie recommendations on her account, she hoped that said mutuals would see it and give their insight. 

though there were many suggestions, she chose lady bird by the end of it. she knew about the movie years ago, but she never really got around to watching it until now. she’s read mixed reviews, so she was never really able to form a solid opinion on this movie. she told herself not to expect much, since this was a coming-of-age film. but, by the end of it, she found herself in tears. she goes on twitter and writes up a tweet as a response to the movie. 

michi @noplayboy_mp3: film oomfs is it weird to say that i kin w lady bird lol  michi @noplayboy_mp3: no but the film is so good i dont want to drop any spoilers but lady bird is like… so relatable? esp bc im kind of in her situation now.  michi @noplayboy_mp3: icb greta gerwig said “michi has rights”... perhaps i will watch little women when i get the chance

before she’s about to make a tweet about watching midsommar next, she hears her phone vibrate. putting her laptop to the side, she picks up her phone and sees an email from snu. 

dear mina, 

the admissions committee at seoul national university has re-reviewed all aspects of your application in its holistic review process, and you have an updated admissions decision. you may now view your updated admissions decision in your portal.

she gasps. 

as she clicks on the link to her portal and logs in, she was immediately welcomed by the site with a big “CONGRATULATIONS!” and if that wasn’t already obvious enough for her, she looks around to find the little “status: accepted” on her page. she sighs in relief and puts her phone to the side as she lies on her bed. she’s not necessarily excited that she got into a school. even now, she was still questioning if she wanted to go to school to begin with. all she knew was that at this point, she was going somewhere. whether or not this is what she really wanted to do, she at least has an idea of where she’s starting. 

maybe now her mom would stop badgering her. maybe now she can show her that she could do things without her. 

…

“i got accepted into snu today.”

it’s used to start discussion, even though she didn’t really want to talk about it with her. it had to come out somehow because even if she was nervous with how she was going to reply, at least her mom would be aware of it. 

her father was the first to say something about it and mina wants to verbally thank him for speaking before her mom does. “honey, congratulations! i knew you would be able to get into that school.” 

“thank you,” mina says with a small smile before she looks over at her mom to see what she will respond with because it was obvious she had something to say about it. 

“why did it take so long for a response?” she asks. “you applied for early decision, didn’t you?” 

it takes a lot for mina to not say something snarky in response. she’s not going to do that now. not so soon. “well, competition’s pretty tough. a lot of kids are applying for snu. especially in my class.” she wasn’t exactly lying, but it was a better response than “i was waitlisted for a month.” and even if she responded with that, at least she got into the school. wasn’t that enough? 

her mom lets out a small “hm” before eating more of their dinner. “well, good job on getting into that school. with how long the response took, i was starting to worry.” 

mina frowns. “i got into other schools, you know.” 

“but did you want to get into any of those other schools?” when mina’s silent for a response, her mother only continues. “you said that you were aiming for snu and it took long enough in order to get a response.” 

“can’t you just be happy over the fact that i actually got into the school?” mina asks, feeling her voice rise. “i thought you would be proud of me. is it that much of a surprise that i got in?” 

“all of your friends got accepted into their schools quicker.” mina feels her grip tighten on the chopsticks in her hands. “all i’m saying is you should’ve at least tried harder or at least recognize that you should’ve done better.” 

mina finds it hard to calm down after hearing that. it’s not like she didn’t expect a response like that, but to actually hear it from her makes her laugh bitterly. it’s sad to say she’s not surprised because this was what their relationship is at this point. even if she told herself that she just wanted to get into school in order to get her mom off her back, her words only make it seem like she was mocking her even if she reached at least the minimum. it made mina wish her mother lowered her expectations or at least make her own higher. 

she eats her food in a hurry, hoping to get out of this dinner as soon as possible. of course, her mother has an issue with it as she glared at her from across the table. “slow down. you look like an animal eating like that.” 

mina ignores her and she manages to empty her bowl, still trying to bite and swallow the leftover food in her mouth. she quickly stands up from her chair, puts her bowl and utensils in the sink, and runs upstairs, swallowing the last bit of her food down. she closes her door behind her even if she knows her mother was going to go up to her room anyways. when she hears the door open, she rolls her eyes before she turns to her mom. 

“can you knock?” the impatient tone was one she’s used frequently enough. whether or not she was proud of it, she kept that information to herself. 

her mother’s not afraid of it, though. in fact, if anything, she’s probably a professional at dealing with it. “you’re one to talk about manners,” she scolds. “what is with you?! at least try to stay for the entire dinner and not make it seem like you don’t like my company.” 

“why would i do that?” mina scoffs. “you’d yell at me for faking it, anyway.” 

her mom sighs. “why are you so selfish? why do you keep on doing this? do you understand how uncomfortable your father feels whenever we fight? how uncomfortable i feel?!” 

“i’m sorry for being upset over you not being a good mom,” she responds, crossing her arms as if to do the bare minimum of making fun of the woman in front of her who would do the same in their past arguments. “i got into a good school and all you can say is ‘i’m surprised they didn’t reject you straight up’? no ‘congratulations’ or ‘i’m happy you got into the school you wanted to get into’? shouldn’t you at least be glad over the fact that i’m going-” 

“how am i going to explain to the family that it took a few months for my daughter to tell me she got into snu after a few months since she applied?” her mom interrupts her, angering mina even more. “it didn’t take long for jaebeom to get his letter of acceptance. it didn’t take daniel long for him to know if he got in. do you know what they’ll say when i tell them you got accepted after countless times of me saying ‘oh i don’t know yet’, ‘she hasn’t received anything yet’? they’ll think i’m raising-” 

“what? an idiot?” mina laughs. “yeah. i’m sure everyone in the family’s already aware of the fact that i’m never going to be a lawyer living in america. at least i got into a school.” 

her mother then points at mina and she has to hold the urge to not swat the hand away from her face. “look at you! you’re already making yourself sound bad by acting like it’s a miracle they accepted you in the first place!” she criticizes. “you’re supposed to go to school. you’re supposed to get a degree in order to get a good job somewhere. after all your father and i’ve done for you and your brothers, why are you the only one who treats this like it’s not a big deal?!” 

“i am treating this like it’s a big deal!” mina asserts. “do you know how many nights i spent studying for tests that i knew i was going to fail? all the times i had to stay after school in order to make sure it wouldn’t affect my chances?! i worked so hard in the last few months to be accepted and i’m the only one in this room proud of myself for it! it’s like you’re actively trying to find reasons to be disappointed in me, even when i do something good!”

“maybe you should be trying to not constantly disappoint me, then.” her mother turns her back to her daughter and makes way for the door, but mina mutters something else that makes her stop in her steps.

“the one time i do something that i thought could impress you and you’re still disappointed in me.”

her mother doesn’t respond. all she does is stand for a moment before she leaves, not even bothering to close the door behind her.