#for my silly little mental health

[cryptidkreates]

might make a seperate blog where i can just write

[searenbound]

And we’re spiral thinking again, I’m going to go shower and see if that helps

[animatedtext]

[suhnshinehaos]

my heart dropped when i read the statement that sm put out re: taeil, genuinely the last thing i expected to read today. i’m shocked, disappointed, but most of all- i’m angry.

angry at what he’s done, angry at seeing some fans defend him, angry at those turning this into a gotcha moment to promote or lift their faves up. please, this isn’t just some discussion on the internet- there is a very real victim, a very real woman at the heart of all this. i hope she gets the justice and healing she deserves.

[elsecrytt]

masochist gojo. gojo who's in love with pain, so much that it feels like pleasure, he can barely distinguish between the two anymore.

gojo who's so starved for touch. who's had an infinite space between himself and the whole world for so long, for so many years, every day in and day out.

gojo who's survived off glancing presses when a barista hands him a coffee, the rare hug from his students (who are mostly orphans) that he can't bring himself to decline.

gojo who craves more but can't bring himself to accept it except in fleeting moments with strangers or students.

his hands that long to be held. he wants it so bad that he teases a cursed spirit, laces his fingers with its own, right before he utterly crushes the being in battle, untouchable all over again.

gojo whose skin is hungry for someone else's. he hasn't felt the warmth of a hand in his own in so long. not since - since his youth.

gojo who sometimes wishes he could get hit. who sees the impact of curse techniques on his infinity and feels a wild, strange desire for them to go straight through and strike him.

he imagines it, vividly, being impaled by a long spear (inverted spear) that goes straight through him. how it would lance his flesh so cleanly.

being struck so hard, across the face, in the stomach, enough to knock the wind out of him.

enough to feel it with his whole body.

gojo who wants to be touched so bad he doesn't even care if it hurts anymore. infinity couldn't protect him from geto's betrayal.

gojo who keeps infinity up not because he doesn't want to get hit, but because he's terrified of what he might do when it happens.

gojo who got hard whenever geto sparred with him. he still doesn't know if it was because of geto, or because he had no infinity back then, no way to block the strikes.

he dreams of his youth. bruises littering his pale, pretty form like kisses, proof that he was human, there, that there was someone who could reach him.

dark purple things that turned pretty colors as they healed. he remembers pressing into them, relishing the hurt, feeling like he was getting hit (touched, reached, connected) all over again.

nothing ever touches him again. not like that. not like anything.

he never feels it. he never feels anything.

satoru gojo who wants, so very very badly, to feel something.

pain is a choice for him, always a choice. he alone has the privilege of deciding whether or not anything can touch him.

he could try to let more strangers touch him. one night stands, discreet arrangements. he had a pretty face and a body to match. there was no shortage of willing partners.

he lets them touch him, lets them hurt him. lets them drool over his body and use it at their leisure. they tell him he's beautiful, and he believes them.

white hair, blue eyes, sprawled out with a lean, unmarred body full of bare flesh for them to bite and scratch and bruise. he finds people who will do it, do it hard, fuck him up until he's lost entirely in the feeling of being touched, having someone against him, with him, above him.

it makes him feel like a piece of meat. it makes him feel good.

or he thinks it does, anyways.

sometimes, when he's gone particularly long without sleep, when his partner has gone particularly hard, he gets a real rush.

heart racing out of his chest. a cold sweat that overwhelms him. breaths coming in labored gasps. he can heal himself, he's physically fine, so this must all be in his head.

he acknowledges that information, distantly, like it's not happening to him. it doesn't help.

it feels like part of his body has been ripped away from him, something vital and important, and it's about to get up and run away.

always, always, it happens when his partner is no longer touching him. when he lays alone in the sheets, by his own volition, because of course these partners are not meant to be attachments.

love is not a privilege, though, not for the strongest sorcerer. it's a curse.

it's the only curse which infinity cannot protect him from.

so gojo stays untouchable. distant.

but the hunger doesn't go away. never.

he likes to imagine that suguru swallowed this one last curse before he died. something sweet and bitter, like losses at the arcade, sunny days at the beach, walking together with shoko, nanami, haibara.

but even suguru couldn't have absorbed this curse. it's in his bones, deep, longing and wanting even after he's dead and gone.

gojo is hungry. he is so, so hungry. and he has nothing to eat that will not leave him just as empty as before.

touch-starved. love-starved. pain-craving.

if someone could hurt him then it wouldn't matter that he was terrified of attachment. they could latch onto him, into his heart, under his skin. bury themselves in his chest like they belonged.

they could kill a hundred and twelve people and it wouldn't matter, because he wouldn't be able to kill them.

gojo is hungry, so hungry.

please feed him.

[soapsbaby]

Three Little Words

Summary: You tell Simon you love him.

Characters: Simon “Ghost” Riley x gn!reader Rating: SFW Word count: 400ish

The first time you tell him that you love him wasn’t planned. It just happened.

You and him were on a walk at night together. Late nights seem to be the only time that he ever genuinely speaks his mind and even just slightly lets you in.

You came to a halt and kissed, wasn’t the first time by far, and it just slipped over your lips before you could think about it, you just can’t help yourself.

His eyes widen in shock and he freezes, you can tell that he is panicking behind his mask. You know he can’t help the way he feels about commitment and big feelings so you just kiss him again and hold him close. 

“You don't have to say it back. I don't expect you to. I just need you to know. It’s okay, I promise.”

You are afraid that you have gone too far, scared him away, but nothing between the two of you changes. He is still the same he was before, makes his stupid jokes, holds you close, kisses you like your lives depend on it.

You are terrified to bring it up again, so you just don’t. Maybe this is just the limit of your relationship and maybe that’s okay. You don’t mind. You understand why it is so hard for him to open up and to let himself feel all of those difficult emotions and you know that pressuring him won’t get you anywhere.

One day you are at his place, having spent the day with him. You are cuddled up to him, head resting on his chest. He is being extra quiet, he must think you have fallen asleep already and you are on the verge of doing so. He is just so comfortable and you feel so safe with him. 

You can tell that he is looking at you, his hands running through your hair.

His voice is quiet, but you hear him clear as day anyway.

“Love you too.” 

[rac00nbit3z]

to tylko glod psychiczny

dasz sobie z nim rade.

(post skierowany do mnie)

[gh0stember]

gonna post this here cause i still think it’s funny and this game is taking over my life

[kiwibirbkat]

A Quick Break

They were supposed to be training. That went out the window about 30 minutes in, when they took a "break", devolving into just giving up on training and chatting.

They were sitting around the school bus when Aiden got bored and announced he was going for snacks. Taylor went along with him seeing as she was also kinda bored. Logan was going to stay in the bus, but Ashlyn gave him a pleading look and he went with them.

So now Tyler, Ben, and Ashlyn sat around the bus, Tyler and Ben discussing something random (Ben talking through notes app) while an obviously tense Ashlyn fiddled with her bracelet. That was until she spoke up.

"... can you guys promise not to freak out when- if I die?"

They stared at her in confusion before Tyler finally spoke. "Ashlyn what the hell? Of course we're going to freak out if you die? And that's such a random question? What the fuck even prompted that question?"

Ashlyn shook her hands to stop them from asking any more after seeing Ben start to type. "Let me explain- if I die, even if they won't necessarily care, the group is going to need a leader. If I die, I want you two to step up and lead the group. You two are some of the strongest in our little group, and I think your strength combined with the bonds you have with some of the others will make you the best candidates to lead if I die."

'Ok, SLOW DOWN' Ben's text to speech voice chimed in. '1, why are you so worried about dying? Sure, we're in a death realm every night, but none of us have croaked yet, and you're clearly strong, so why do you think you're going to die?' Tyler nods along, waiting for Ben to finish. 'And 2, what's this about the others not caring if you died?'

"Yeah, even if we didn't care about you, Taylor and Logan are both heart throbs and would definitely be upset if you died!" Tyler was uncharacteristically concerned for someone outside of his family.

"Calm down, calm down, let me explain. I'm not worried about dying, we just live in a death realm as you said, and if I die, the group will need a leader." Ashlyn rubs her forehead, this interaction not going as smoothly as she expected.

Ben and Tyler were staring at her. 'You've been thinking about death and the only thing you're worried about is the group needing a leader?'

"That's not the only thing- whatever this isn't what's important right now! Promise me that if I die, no matter how gruesome my death is, you won't freak out! The others will need a leader, and I need you two to be those leaders! Promise me!"

Ben and Tyler were once again staring at her, but for a different reason than before, seeing as this was one of the only bursts of emotions she's had around them.

After a few seconds, the robotic voice was activated. 'If it's that important to you, I promise to lead the others if you die.'

"Me too, I guess…"

Ashlyn sighed, nodding, when Tyler spoke up again. "But seriously, what was that about the others not caring if you died?"

Ashlyn glared at him. "That's not important right now."

'and the when in your first ask?'

Ashlyn groaned. "It was just a slip up!"

"You aren't planning anything stupid, are you?"

Ashlyn's head snapped up. "Wha- no! Why would I plan my death when I need to lead the others? As much as I trust you two to lead the group, I'm not dying just yet."

Tyler and Ben were about to argue when Taylor, Aiden, and Logan walked back in, carrying bags of snacks. "What's this about death?" Aiden asked with a curious grin, tilting his head.

Ashlyn sighed. "Nothing. And why did you guys bring so many snacks? We're just taking a break!"

Logan piped up. "Sorry Ashlyn, I tried to control them, but they couldn't make a decision on what they wanted, so they just grabbed everything…"

Ben and Tyler finally stopped staring at Ashlyn, and it wasn't brought up again, but they did glance at Ashlyn throughout the rest of the "break."

They never finished that training.

[bamababygirl7]

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[inchidentalmeowmeow]

This person on f1twt really be making fun of Charles losing his dad and Jules and go like “oof lecfosi found me 🙄” like lecfosi are the ones being unreasonable.

[thebibliosphere]

When I tell you this meme has been living rent-free in my head for the last week, and then having to edit it to include that I won because Tumblr showed up has been nothing short of a mind fuck for the old Imposter Syndrome.

Thanks, gang. I know it was a fun silly poll, but it means a lot to me 💖

Also, if you’re on Twitter go give Queer Liberation Library a follow. They’re doing good work trying to make it safer and more accessible for LGBTQ+ folks to access queer media across the US.

[deoidesign]

My mental health is bad but I don't think that's reflecting in my work at all. Why do you ask.

[awingedllama]

sorry i haven’t been active recently! working on improving my health. will hopefully be back to posting regularly soon

[khihi]

friendship ended with cha cha cha, zelenc is my new best friend

[fried-oignon]

I want to study their dynamic under a microscope