#for my birthday I'm going to make my parents watch this w me after we get back from my birthday dinner. love this movie so so much

[cidnangarlond]

film: hellhouse llc

never seen | want to see | the worst | bad | whatever | not my thing | good | great | favorite | masterpiece

THISSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HELL HOUSE LLC SO MUCH. This is THE found footage/mockumentary horror I recommend to people whenever they need a recommendation for that genre or also like, in general. Genuinely freaked me out which is hard to do so that's saying something, absolutely crazy, FUCK those clowns, those piano notes haunt me. What else. I can't remember if I recommended it to my sister or vice versa but my sister LOVES all the Hell House movies. I like when horror leans more towards being realistic when the plot centers around "something odd happened" so everything being paranormal still takes me slightly out of it but fuck if that scene where the guy goes around filming and finds the clown standing at the top of the basement stairs doesn't get me every time. the 4th one came out recently on Shudder and that one was SOOO GOOD 2 and 3 I wasn't wholly crazy about but the new one was really good I thought. OG Hell House LLC is where it's at though I adore her she's amazing showstopping stunning never been done before never been seen before groundbreaking that is THE found footage horror movie of all time

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman - Part 6

Ona Batlle x Lucy Bronze

Alternate Universe : Military school

Words : 4k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Camp Wiegman part 6

Monday, October 19; 6:15 AM - Ona and Alexia's Room.

A new week is about to begin. I meditated a lot over the weekend. I now feel ready to move forward in the right direction. At least, I will try... The days are becoming repetitive. Wake up at six, preparations and check-in at exactly a quarter past six. That's what's happening right now. I stand straight as a rod in front of my bed while Bronze inspects our room.

"All right, you can go."

I only release the pressure once she gives the go-ahead. Her analysis has become quick since she has nothing left to reproach me for.

"Are you coming?" Alexia asks, waiting for me at the door. "Go join the others, I'll be right there."

She waits a moment to see if I'm serious before shrugging. I wait for her to leave the room before turning to Bronze with a smile.

"Did you have a good weekend?"

She raises an eyebrow, remaining stoic. My friendly approach fails miserably...

"Since when do you want to chat with me? I thought I was your number one enemy here?"

"Well... After Friday night... I thought we could continue on that note... Unless you'd prefer I go back to being the annoying student," I joked.

My smile fades when she ignores me. I start to wonder if I misinterpreted... I feel stupid for thinking she would stay friendly with me.

"Well then, are you coming?"

I lift my head to see her waiting at the door. I let out a sigh I hadn't even realized I was holding. I really expected her to leave me stranded in the middle of my room.

"We can chat on the way to the cafeteria, right?" "Yes," I nodded frantically.

I hurry out of the room before she changes her mind. She closes the door behind me and we start walking towards the exit.

"So... Did you have a good weekend?" I hesitantly ask. "It was good, and yours? Did you keep busy with Williamson?" "A bit. It was better than last week since I wasn't alone. We binged the Hunger Games saga." "Good to hear," she smiles.

I look around when I feel watched. It's really the case. People must not be used to seeing a student chatting with an instructor. Bronze doesn't seem to care, unlike me. It starts to weigh on me, being the center of attention. Don't they have anything better to do than follow my every move? I shake my head, remembering the reasons why I'm with Bronze.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Here we go. I knew there was something behind this."

"W-what? No way! I just wanted to take the chance to ask you..."

"If you say so," she shrugs. "What do you want to know?"

"I swear it's true... I just wanted your opinion on something."

"Hmm, I'm listening."

"Do you think there's a way I can get my leave this weekend?"

"For your birthday, I imagine?"

Her response takes me by surprise. I didn't know she knew my birthday. She offers me a small smile.

"Don't be surprised. I have a file on you, and your birth date is in it. Not to mention, I heard your brother mention it when I came into your room on Friday."

"What do you mean a file? Wiegman promised not to disclose anything to the educators!" "She didn't disclose anything. I'm the only one with this file, and it contains the bare minimum." "Oh... What's in it then?" "That's not the point, is it?" "Please...?" I begged with a pleading look.

I don't like being refused things, even answers. Especially when my curiosity has been piqued. Bronze has no qualms about doing it. She makes me feel like I've been a spoiled girl my whole life. She's the only one who went as far as confiscating my belongings; even my parents never did that.

"You're really something. You know that, right?" "I know," I said, biting my lip nervously.

"There's not much, it's like a sort of resume," she replies. "Name, first name, and all that. I can show it to you if it reassures you."

"You'd do that?"

"It concerns you, I have nothing to hide. Now that you've asked your question, can I ask mine?"

"I guess so..."

"I can understand that you don't want to disclose your information to strangers. However, I'd like to know if you at least confide in one person?"

"My best friend," I said without hesitation. "Completely?"

"Yes."

No, but she doesn't need to know. She knows almost everything. For what she doesn't know, she's created hypotheses that I never confirmed.

"Hmm..." she replies, skeptical. "Good. I was starting to worry about the shell you have. It's good to talk, so don't hesitate to do so with people you trust."

"I don't trust many people," I admitted.

"I figured. That's why you shouldn't hesitate to talk to them. Promise?"

I nodded gently. I don't understand why she's so insistent on this. She frowns at my reaction.

"Words, Ona. You're capable of speaking, so use that ability which isn't given to everyone."

"Yes, yes, I promise," I rolled my eyes. "No need to make a big deal out of it."

"It's important to do so, that's all. If you keep everything to yourself, you'll wallow in self-pity and sink."

"That's already the case..." "Well, you're going to make sure you're not anymore." "Easier said than done." "Luckily, you're not alone anymore."

I smiled sadly, thinking she's probably right. Surprisingly, it's her I think of first. It's been a long time since someone took care of me the way she does. She's authoritarian, but fair at the same time. It's exactly what I needed to get back on track. If she continues to behave this way, she'll certainly become the second person to find a crack in my shell. The only one who managed to do it before her is Mapi. We were close in high school, and she came back at the right time. She's the only one who knows part of what I've been through. Even my mother knows only the tip of the iceberg. She's seen me in all my states, but she never knew the reasons. I think that's what pushed her to send me here. She couldn't stand seeing me on the defensive and wallowing in self-pity. Bronze is right in saying I need to open up to get better, but it's beyond my strength. What I've been through is hard to confide. I was in an unstable environment where I had to fend for myself. I lost all trust in myself and people in general, especially strangers. However, I feel like Bronze is trying to be accepted into my little world. I'm resisting for now, but if she continues to stir up my painful memories, I might quickly crack without wanting to.

"You still haven't answered my question," I realized.

"You want my opinion for this weekend, right?"

"Yes..." I said, dreading her response.

"As I told you, I have a say in your leave. Even though it hasn't been very useful the first two times."

"Hmm..." I sighed. "Wiegman knows my every move, huh?"

"Yes. We have to send her reports during the week. So I'm obliged to talk to her about you." "I see," I sighed. "If you stay in line this week, I'll support your leave," she tells me.

-  Really?!

-  Really, she confirms. If you get through the week without any infractions, I guarantee you'll get your weekend pass. No delay in class, no more disrespect, no more fooling around, and everything will be fine.

-  I didn't know they reset the clock every week, I say, not hiding my excitement. This is great news! I was already imagining being stuck here because of my disastrous first two

weeks. If she wasn't my supervisor, I would probably jump on her out of sheer happiness. We stop in front of the cafeteria once we reach it.

-  You're not lying to keep me in line, are you?

-  Of course not. The pass is a reward for a successful week. I'm just warning you that Wiegman won't be lenient if you're even a minute late. His decision will be final.

-  Just one clean week... I think I can do it.

-  I hope so, for your sake. Can I go eat now?

-  Yes, sorry, I laugh. Thanks and enjoy your meal!

-  No problem. Enjoy your meal too. I do a little happy dance behind her back as she joins her colleague, who smiles amusedly at me. I immediately stop, my cheeks turning as red as a tomato, if not more. How embarrassing! She will definitely tell Bronze. I wait for them to enter the cafeteria before taking the same path. The usual noise fills my ears. It seems like nothing can spoil the good mood Bronze's answer has put me in. My attitude doesn't go unnoticed by my new friends when I join them at their table.

-  So, what's up with you? Since when do you talk to Bronze? Alexia asks right away.

-  Talking to Bronze? repeats her sister. Why did you do that?

-  I needed to ask her something. I stay vague, not wanting to be bombarded with questions or reveal my intentions. At the same time, I understand their curiosity. Since my arrival, I've been saying how much I hate my supervisor, so it's natural for them to be intrigued. I still hate her, but in a different way now.

-  Is it related to your good mood? Patri asks.

-  No, because this is the first time we've seen you so... happy, Pina finishes.

-  Can you all just leave her alone? Leah grumbles. She hasn't even started eating yet. I thank her with a smile and finally enjoy my breakfast with the first bite of my chocolate croissant. It's my favorite meal, even though my tray looks very similar every morning. It's rare that I choose

anything other than a pastry. Not that I don't like variety; I also enjoy a bowl of cereal or homemade pancakes.

-  So? Lotte insists.

-  I asked her if I have a chance of getting my weekend pass. It's my birthday, and I'd like to go home. Alexia chokes on her food, and her sister has to pat her on the back to calm her coughing. Her eyes are almost popping out of her head.

-  Your birthday is this weekend?! she exclaims. Why didn't you tell us sooner?!

-  I didn't think it was that important, I giggle at her expression.

-  Of course, it's important! How could you think it's not? she scolds me I shrug nonchalantly. Given her reaction, I don't dare tell her that I don't enjoy celebrating it anymore. She'd probably come up with all sorts of arguments to remind me how important this celebration is. I don't see why getting a year older is something to celebrate. It's just a reminder that we're getting closer to our death.

- You're turning twenty? Patri asks.

-Obviously, she's turning twenty, Alba replies as if it's obvious.

-What? You never know! Maybe she's turning nineteen or twenty-one, she retorts.

-I'll be twenty, I interrupt their debate. If I were twenty-one, I wouldn't be here. I'm happy to have met you, but I hate this place.

-No one would ever guess, princess, Leah teases. Relationships and you, you're not friends.

Camp Wiegman part 6

I smile at the nickname she used. She's been teasing me with it ever since she heard my supervisor call me that. She used it when I tried to negotiate a reduced punishment while we were on dishwashing duty. Unfortunately for me, Bronze is never easily swayed.

-  Why? Claudia finally asks.

-  Why what?

-  Why don't you like maintaining relationships? Lotte asks.

-  It's complicated, I shrug. Attachments aren't my thing. They only bring trouble.

-  You shouldn't just focus on the negatives, Alexia counters. You're saying that like you only see the bad side. There are plenty of advantages to having friends.

-  You're my friend, Ale, I roll my eyes. But only because you make me... I say with a silly smile. She laughs and lightly pushes my shoulder, knowing I'm teasing her. We change the subject when they realize I won't say more. I've already had a lesson on friendship with Bronze this morning; that's more than enough. I know having friends is important, but it's become difficult to find the right people. That doesn't stop me from appreciating everyone at this table. We all have our stories, different contexts, and that's probably what binds us. They know I already care about them a lot, even if I'll never tell them. I think they're great, but I'm not at the point of confiding in them. If they don't know it, I'm not going to admit it. I hate opening my heart and revealing my feelings. I've lost track of the conversation because of my thoughts. I smile to myself, thinking about this week. I really hope it goes by quickly and without any problems.

Thursday, October 22; 5:15 PM - Dormitory hallway.

-  Do you know where Ale went?

-  No. I sigh in frustration. The week went by quickly, but it was very strange. I feel like everyone is hiding something from me, especially Alexia. She's been nervous for the past few days, and now I find out she's lying to me. After class, she said she needed to quickly join her sister to ask her something. I found myself alone in the hallway as she vanished into the crowd. Her excuse might have been believable if I hadn't just seen Alba in the dormitory hall with Leah. They intended to go to the common room rather than meet Alexia. I was determined to find Alexia, but Leah must have sensed it because she convinced me to let her walk me to my room, where I had planned to go first.

-  Why would she lie to me? I fume.

-  Relax, Princess. She probably has a good reason. Are you coming down to the common room with me?

-  No, I'll take advantage of Ale's absence to call my little brother and tell him I'm coming home.

-  As you wish.

-  Do you want to come in? I offer, opening my room door.

-  No, I'll head down to the common room to join the others.

-  Alright.

-  You know where to find us if you need us.

-  I'll probably come down after my call.

-  OK, see you soon then! I watch her walk away, hands in his pockets. She's definitely one of the people I get along with best here. If I had to name people in priority when I get back, it would be Leah and Alexia's. I like the others too, but the bonds are different. Patri and Claudia are the group's jokers, and Lotte, the most timid. I have a hard time trusting her since her mother is the school's director. She must sense it because she often makes awkward attempts to approach me. I often wonder what she's doing here because she doesn't seem like a troublemaker. The last member of the group is Alba. She's the complete opposite of Lotte. She has no trouble coming to talk to me. She even inserts herself into my conversations with others now. This week, I decided to have a talk with her after what Alexia told me. I preferred to put the brakes on immediately rather than let her have false hopes. I felt like it didn't go down well at first, but her ego took over, and she accepted that we become good friends.

And then, I have to mention Bronze too. I think we've turned a corner. We've made a little truce, leaving the commander and the princess far behind this week. There's no more tension since she hasn't had to punish me. I showed her I could be obedient, just as she wanted. I felt a bit proud when she complimented me this morning, asking me to keep it up. I must admit, it's much better this way. I've been able to establish a routine since I have free time after classes.

I throw my bag at the foot of my desk after grabbing my planner. Alexia is lucky I really need to call Joan. I have good news to share since I managed to go a week without any infractions. I still need to get through tomorrow morning to get a positive response, but I know my pass is almost guaranteed. I pass by my wardrobe to grab my phone. It's time to call home. I sit on the bed while dialing Sam's number. I would never risk calling the landline for fear of reaching my mother or Marcus.

-  Hey Ona, how are you?

-  Good, and you? I say with a smile, hearing her voice.

-  You sound like it. Better than your first days, huh? I’d be good if you're calling with good news.

-  Yeah, I'm finally getting used to the environment... And I haven't had any sanctions this week. That's why I'm calling... I have a good chance of spending my birthday at home.

-  That's great! How did you manage that?

-  By putting up with it, I chuckle. Is Joan around?

-  He's in the shower, I think... Surprise him; he'll be happy. When do you think you'll be home?

-  My plane is at 20:25. I think I'll land around eleven at night, I say while thinking.

-  Alright, I'll let Hector know to pick you up at that time.

-  Thanks, I say while flipping through my planner. I despair at the sight of the mountain of homework waiting for me tomorrow. They aren't lenient with us on Thursday nights. They always bombard us before the weekend so we can be free. It's nice, but annoying. Plus, I never managed to catch up on my backlog from the beginning of the year. I started working on it this week since we've begun having tests on it. It's hard to catch up on a whole month. Especially when I have extra hours due to Bronze's punishments. Needless to say, I have a lot to catch up on.

-  Do you want anything special for lunch on Saturday?

-  Surprise me. It can't be worse than my cafeteria food... Well, it's not as bad as I expected.

-  Don't tell me it's better than my cooking! he complains.

-  No way! I chuckle.

-  Phew, that's reassuring! Alright, I'll figure something out then.

-  Hmm... By the way, now that I think about it.

-  Yeah?

-  I'm really mad at you. You'd better make it up to me with food this weekend.

-  Really? What did I do? We haven't seen each other for two or three weeks and you already blame me for something?

-  Yeah! I was totally embarrassed because of you!

-  Enlighten me, he laughs.

-  The other night, when I had you on the phone... My supervisor was waiting for me! You told her I was gay !

-  Ooooh! I'm sorry, Oni, he laughs. Did she say anything?

-  No, I sighed. And fortunately for you!

-  So what's the problem? Why are you complaining?

-  Seriously! You shouldn't have done that. I was super embarrassed! I pout when he laughs. Knowing him, he probably knows the face I'm making. He always makes fun of me when I imitate a five-year-old who didn't get their candy.

-  I never understood why you can't accept yourself.

-  I don't know, but it's just how it is.

-  Anyway, I always told you you'd end up with a girl. I smile, remembering that conversation we had when I was sixteen. Samuel had just replaced our former cook. My mother opted for youth since he had just turned eighteen. We hit it off right away, to the point that I imagined he had a crush on me. That idea disappeared when he revealed he was gay. That day, we had a long discussion about it, and he also mentioned he could totally see me with a girl. I made fun of him for a long time for that idea he insisted on. I laughed less the day I introduced Mapi as my girlfriend. He was one of the few who knew I was gay , along with Lucie and Maps herself.

-  Did I lose you?

-  Sorry, what were you saying?

-  That I have to hang up, your mother will be home soon and I haven't finished their meal.

-  Oh, no problem. We'll see each other on Saturday anyway.

-  I hope so!

-  Don't worry about that. I'll do everything I can to make it happen.

-  Alright, good luck. I'll see you on Saturday then.

-  Yes! Have a good evening, Sam.

- You too, Ona! Kisses.

I hang up, smiling. I can't wait to hear Wiegman's verdict. I put my phone in the bedside table to hide it a bit, knowing that the room doors can't be locked. There are cameras in the hallways, but that doesn't stop everyone from having access. I stick to my plan and decide to join the others in the common room, not feeling motivated to work on my courses. This has become my little routine since I've been free after classes. I opened the door to leave. I'm surprised to come face to face with Bronze, her fist raised, ready to knock. Her expression shifts from surprise to a smile.

-  I was looking for you. They told me you were here.

-  I was about to go down to the common room.

-  I just wanted to tell you the news myself.

-  What news?

-  I just left Wiegman's office. She granted your permission. I remain still, trying to process the information she dropped so casually. I have to repeat her sentence countless times to realize... I let out a scream of joy, jumping on Bronze who wasn't expecting such a reaction from me. She laughs near my ear as my face buries in her neck. I quickly pull away, realizing our proximity and blushing from the embarrassment I just caused.

-  It's well deserved. She was surprised by your sudden improvement and so was I.

-  Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for everything.

-  I didn't do much. You can be proud of yourself. Let's hope you continue on this path.

-  That's not guaranteed.

-  Well, you know the price then. Alright, I have to get back. See you tomorrow. What time are you leaving?

-  Around noon so I'll have an early lunch.

-  I'll walk you to the gate then. Oh, and also. Keep this news to yourself. I'm not supposed to tell you until tomorrow morning. I nod, too happy to argue. She turns around and I wave goodbye before jumping for joy again. I thought I'd get the news tomorrow, but I'm really happy! She didn't have to tell me now. It's going to be hard to hide my joy from the others. I will sleep well tonight, without this endless wait. I'm finally going to go home! I'm finally going back to Barcelona !

[smok3r7]

Latching On To You

Joel Miller x F!reader

Explicit, 18+

Chapter one: History Lesson

Series Masterlist & My Main Masterlist - My Ao3

Series summary: What happens when, after thirteen loving years of being with Joel, you start to feel like he’s slipping away from your grasp? How much of yourself will you lose because of the trauma your father put you through, at such a young age? You could be wrong about Joel, but something is telling you otherwise - or are you just not healed enough to see past your own insecurities?

Chapter summary: The beginning of you and Joel is a story that most can’t relate to, truly one of a kind. The history between your father and you, explains how the trauma shaped your mind and future. You and Joel have a bond like siblings for the longest time, but as you grow older and independent, a stronger connection is formed - which leads to your blissful beginning of your life together.

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: age difference in the beginning (15/20) NOTHING SEXUAL UNTIL READER IS OVER 22 & JOEL IS 27!! No use of y/n, no outbreak AU, no Sarah AU, smoking weed and drinking, abandonment issues, trauma from father w/ alcoholism, attachment issues, HEAVY ANGST, daddy kink (minimal), unprotected P in V, fingering, mutual pinning

~So here we go ladies and gents! My first story back, I cannot wait for you all to read this, I’m not sure how long of a series this will be but this is a start! Thank you so much to @chloeangelic for helping to revise this and giving me tips, I really appreciate your help babes🫶🏼

“Aren't you somethin' to admire?

'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror

And I can't help but notice

You reflect in this heart of mine

If you ever feel alone and

The glare makes me hard to find

Just know that I'm always

Parallel on the other side

'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go

Just put your hand on the glass

I'll be there to pull you through

You just gotta be strong” ~ Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

——————————

You and Joel pretty much grew up together in your teen years. His mom actually worked with yours at the hospital as nurses in Austin and that’s how they became close, like sisters. Hence how the Millers became a pretty huge part of your family, resulting in Joel and you meeting. You guys happened to also live across the street from each other - complete coincidence. You had just turned fifteen, and Joel had turned twenty, only a month after your birthday when you guys started hanging out. Joel wasn’t going to college because he was working full time, saving up the money he made so he could buy his dream house he talked about and maybe even venture out a little bit. But since he was living at home, Joel would watch over you a lot while your mom was either working, out with friends, or with his parents.

Your home, that had always been a two parent household, had now gone down to a one parent household in a matter of seconds, or so it felt like. Your dad was always heavily involved in your life with everything you ever did and he loved you unconditionally, but it was as if something switched in his brain, and he suddenly started to drink all the time, then distancing himself from everything the last four years. After the second year of him acting like a mess, you brushed it off that it’s because you were becoming a teen and that’s just what happens, that you weren’t “Daddy’s Little Girl” anymore.

But as months passed, you started to notice how bad it really was. He was drinking so much that he would pick nasty fights with you and your mom. He needed it to live at that point, where he would wake up at night from withdrawals. But the part that will forever leave you scarred, the part that causes your heart to break the most, is how he left.

It was the morning of your fifteenth birthday that your mom told you that he left, the bastard packed up his bags and left in the middle of the night. No goodbyes, no big hugs, and no apologies while he bawled “I love you baby.” Absolutely nothing.

Since then, now in your mid twenties, there’s been radio silence from him. You haven’t heard anything, which you honestly prefer after how he left things. But after all this time you still don’t understand where your relationship went wrong or what you did wrong for your father to drastically change like that.

But like a blessing in disguise, here came Joel and his family to help you and your mom. Joel’s parents have been good friends with your own since you were little, so they were caught just as off guard as your mom was when your dad just packed up and was gone. Since your father left, Joel’s parents have been a godsend for your mom. She was the one who went into a spiral because her and your dad had been together since they started high school. Least to say, she never saw this coming, not then and not in a million years. It truly broke her, and you were scared that you would lose her too.

—

Throughout high school, you and Joel hung out but still slowly drifted apart as he was working all the time and you were focused on school. You were okay with that - you needed a bit of a distraction from Joel, mainly due to having the world’s biggest crush on him and the fact that you were getting a little bit attached to him. Ever since your father left, you tried your best to avoid serious relationships of any kind in fear of them suddenly leaving you. But it was different with Joel, you always thought he was the most genuine person there was and you knew he wouldn’t leave you.

He would play the silly games you wanted to play, listen to whatever drama was happening with your friends, and he would help if you were having any trouble with the feelings that you had regarding your father; if you could even call him that. However, you’ve never told Joel about your feelings for him because, well, at that point you weren’t eighteen, so that would be wrong on his end. But you also didn’t want to ruin the relationship you guys had. You two were literally best friends and you were scared that, if you went any further, that he would slink away from you, just like how your father did, and you didn’t think you could take another emotional loss like that.

—

As soon as you graduated high school and had celebrated your nineteenth birthday and Joel’s twenty-fourth, you and Joel would hang out all the time. You pretty much lived between your moms and Joel's two bedroom house he ended up buying a year prior. You got a part time job at the local bar in town and only worked early afternoons. So, you had the evenings to do what you wanted, which usually included something to do with Joel - worked out great since he got out of work just an hour before you. You two would go hiking, fishing, you’d kick his ass in card games or a lot of the time, you would smoke some weed and have some drinks together and talk about whatever was on your mind.

After your twenty-first birthday, you had gotten a job as a receptionist at the largest law firm in Austin. You were doing really well for yourself, considering your work history - which altogether was not that impressive. So you were really proud of yourself for not giving up and continuing to strive to better yourself. After getting this job you finally felt like you had a purpose, you didn’t feel like you were floating around lost and barely getting by. Your mom was so happy for you, so happy in fact that she threw a party to celebrate you and your success.

You’ve never liked parties that had you as the center of attention, but you knew that your mom needed this more than you did. Ever since that night, your mom did the best she could to hide her feelings around you, but you knew she was breaking internally. So you’ve let her make a big deal out of anything - even if it’s small, for example; About five months ago you had made a beautiful painting of a cabin that you and your mom love to run away too sometimes. She had loved it so much that she showed it to everyone and somehow she ended up getting it put into a little gallery downtown. So needless to say, you adore your mom and will let her be happy by letting her throw you celebrations for even the smallest victories.

After getting settled into the job, there were a couple months where you and Joel didn’t see each other. Nothing was wrong, it just kind of happened, your mom needed you at the house and the new job was taking all your time and attention - Joel understood completely and was so happy for you. However, deep in you, there was a part of you saying that he was distancing himself and he was going to leave you. You almost felt like he sensed that because you two would just chitchat on the phone for a couple hours when you both had time instead, and this helped ease your mind and confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Around a year and a half goes by, as does another round of birthdays, and one promotion that you couldn’t believe you got. You are proud to say that you have finally found a healthy mix of home life and work life. You pretty much have been living at Joel’s for the last three months, which naturally started happening because the commute to work was shorter by twenty minutes from Joel’s house. You still pop over to your moms to grab a few things, hang with her for a day or two, make sure she’s good, and then you’re back off to Joel’s. You’ve honestly been really happy with how your life has been going, you couldn’t be happier.

—

It’s a calm summer evening, warm enough for the bugs to be out but the breeze helps to keep them away. You and Joel are sitting out on his gorgeous back patio that has string lights from tree to tree like a roof, a good size fire pit in the middle of the circle of comfortable lawn chairs - this is your favorite place to be.

You two are talking about how each other's Friday went, which led to Joel bringing up that since you’re here all the time, you should just move in with him. You used to joke around about living together anyway, so when he brings it up as he puts more logs on the fire you started, you just brush it off thinking he’s joking around like he always does.

You laugh as you say, “I remember we used to say that all the time,” looking up at Joel after lighting the blunt you rolled, quickly realizing he’s not joking this time. You oppose at first, not wanting to step on his safe space more than you feel like you already have. But Joel stops your rambling by saying your name as he sits back down next to you and grabs your hand on your thigh.

You instinctively stop rambling and start listening to him talk, “I’m being serious. You’re not a burden. I love that you come over, I honestly don’t know what I would do with myself if you weren’t here. If I didn’t want you here, I simply wouldn’t have asked you.” You’re left speechless, a tear starting to roll down your cheek as you take a hit off the blunt. You hand it to him and, before you can say anything back, you start coughing like you’ve never smoked before. Joel just starts laughing at you, his laugh so genuine he leans back into his chair, putting one hand on his belly and the other arm folding over his head.

“Shut up, Joel! You act like this never happens to you!” You spit between coughs and sips of water. Joel calms down with his laughter as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a hit.

“No darlin’, you always know how to ruin tender moments.” He goes to put it out so you can recover but, before he can, you grab it from him.

“Um, Miller, I’m not done with that. Also, just for the record, I don’t always ruin the moment. I just make them an even better memory for us,” you wink as you blow smoke out into the starry night sky, watching the soft wind make the smoke disappear. He looks at you and just shakes his head as he smiles to himself and says, “That you sure do, sweetheart…that you do.”

You two sit back into a comfortable silence as you watch the flames dance around and listen to the bugs chirp making their own melody. After a couple rounds of passing the blunt back and forth, Joel puts it out in the ashtray next to the two of you. “The offer is on the table, always will be,” Joel says, looking into the fire as he sits back and puts his arms over his head and leans back in his chair. You smile to yourself, knowing he was not going to give it up and, honestly, you wouldn’t either if it was the other way around.

You lean back and turn your head to your right and look straight into his beautiful brown eyes, your high starting to catch up to you and you can feel yourself beginning to look at Joel in a hazy way. Your eyes start to wander along his beautiful features, you notice his hair is getting a little bit longer and the curls are developing a lazy pattern. You start to fantasize about how it would feel to run your fingers through them and pull on his locks to make him look at you while he kisses you.

His lips are the next thing your eyes travel to, and you wonder how they would feel on your body. Starting from your tits, all the way to your pussy, the thought makes you squirm in your chair a little. You’re hoping you can play it off, that you’re just got a chill, but you know Joel is smarter than that. You go back to looking at his eyes, almost forgetting that he said something to you, and you see he’s already staring back. There’s a sudden shift in his eyes as you say, “I might just take you up on it then.”

The next thing you feel is his warm hands on your cheeks and his soft warm lips on yours. You instantly start to kiss back with desire and affection, instantly melting into his touch, but as soon as you bring your hands to his, he stops.

“Darlin’, I’m- oh, shit,” he mumbles, starting to back away from you, feeling like he has overstepped, but before he’s completely out of your grasp, you pull him back in by the collar of his denim jacket and kiss him again. This time, he doesn’t back away from you. Instead, he stands up from his chair and picks you up from yours, latching your legs around his waist as he brings you inside. As he opens the slider door to go in, you open your eyes and the flames from the fire catch your eye.

“Joel!” You exclaim, and he stops walking, looking at you with a confused look on his face,“The fire.” You try your hardest not to laugh and he turns his head to see the flames are still pretty big. He sighs as he shakes his head, “Another perfect example on how you ruin the moment darlin’.” You slap his chest playfully and you both start to laugh. He kisses you as he taps your thigh, signaling for you to hop down.

“Sorry for not wanting your place to burn down,” you scoff, putting your hands up in surrender.

“Yeah, yeah, pretty girl. Go upstairs and wait for me, I’ll be right there,” he winks at you, slapping your ass as you turn on your heels, and you yelp as you run towards his stairs.

—

Your mind is racing as you reach his bedroom door. You slowly turn the knob and walk into his light gray colored walls, instantly feeling safe. You’ve been here countless times, under different circumstances, yet you don’t feel out of place - You feel like you’re supposed to be here. Like everything that you’ve been through has led to this moment.

As you move across the carpet, you stand in front of his dresser and you see two framed pictures of you and him - first one being a selfie in front of his house the night he bought it, the second one being an off guard photo of you and Joel talking the night of your party for your job. You never noticed that he had these framed, and as you bring your hand to it, a smile creeps on your face as you slightly shake your head in disbelief.

All of a sudden, you feel a pair of big soft arms hug across your waist, and his chin resting in the crook of your neck. “My favorite pictures of us…especially you. Your smile was the biggest I’d seen it in a long time in both of these,” Joel says, starting to kiss your neck softly in between his words. You fold into his touch instantly and you moan as he starts to suck a soft spot on your neck. His hands start to travel down to unbutton your jeans.

“I was so proud of you… I was so happy that you got the dream house you wanted. You deserve it,” you say between heavy breathing.

“Don’t downplay yourself, sweetheart. You worked your ass off to be where you are now and I just admire that,” You try to say something, but your mind and mouth won’t cooperate. “My dream wasn’t complete then but now that you’re here to stay. My dream is finally starting to come true,” he tells you, and you both look into his dresser mirror, making eye contact. You turn around swiftly in his grasp as you put your hands on his chest and push him towards his bed. The back of his knees hit the mattress and, as he sits down, his legs open and you stand between his thick thighs. He looks up into your eyes and smirks.

You smile back as you dip your head to slowly take your jeans off, when you bring your head back up to look at him, you grab his chin and pull him into a hot and heavy kiss - one of those kisses where yours and his tongue are exploring each other like it’s an addiction, while he grabs your ass and massages it.

That’s when he pulls you into his lap so you can straddle him. You start to rock your clothed clit back and forth on his growing hard on, while Joel’s calloused hands somehow feel soft as he grabs your ass and guides your movements. You can start to feel the wetness leak through your panties onto the bulge of his jeans, but that’s the least of your worries right now. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this pretty girl,” Joel says between kisses as one hand goes into your panties. He gathers your wetness and brings it back to your clit, rubbing circles causing you to shake.

“Me either,” is all you can say without becoming a moaning mess. You’re still rocking back and forth but with a new pace, one that Joel is setting. Initially, you wanted to be the one in control but you quickly changed your mind about that, it seems. You want Joel to be in complete control of you right now, you don’t even want to think about anything other than Joel. Always Joel. Only Joel.

Your train of thought is stopped quickly by Joel inserting two fingers into your dripping pussy. Your movements pause as you adjust to his fingers, your jaw dropping as a long moan comes out. “That’s my good girl,” Joel’s starts as he begins to pump his fingers in and out of you. You continue to grind on his fingers as he murmurs, “Gotta warm you up first, darlin’… I don’t wanna hurt you.” All you can do is nod and whine to him that you can take him, but he chuckles to himself. “Oh my pretty girl thinks she can take it, huh? Well, let’s see.”

Before he finishes his sentence, he’s pulling his fingers out of your pussy and flipping you over so you’re now on your back, with him towering over you. You giggle from how smoothly he did it, he then brings his fingers to your mouth so you can taste yourself. Without any hesitation, you open your mouth and let his fingers in as you suck on them. He moans when you make a mess with a mix of your own saliva and juices. Joel pulls his fingers away from your mouth with a pop and bends down to kiss you again, but this kiss is different. This somehow feels like a “I love you and I care for you” kind of kiss, one you reciprocate, wanting him to know you feel the same.

He slightly breaks the kiss so he can pull his jeans and boxers down, his cock springing onto his belly, dripping with precum. Your mouth drops when you notice all the veins he has, just hypnotized by the way it was throbbing for you. “You still sure you can take it baby?” Joel taunts as he sees you staring. Without even thinking, you grab his cock and start to slowly stroke him, and his head falls behind his shoulders, his body jerking as he moans.

“Yes, daddy, I can,” you taunt back with a smirk on your face. Once you say that, it’s like something primal snaps inside of Joel. He stops you from touching him, his hands rips off your panties, and throws them somewhere into the darkest corner of his room. Next thing you know, he’s lining his cock up to your throbbing, glistening pussy but he doesn’t put it in. Your arms are clawing at his back for him to make the move.

“You’re so impatient, baby. You gotta relax,” Joel drawls. Before you can come back with some smart ass remark, you feel him sliding his cock up and down your slit, creating a lewd mix of your juices and his precum. Your hips start to move with the rhythm of Joel’s, and it has the tip of his throbbing cock hitting your clit perfectly. You can already feel that tightening in your belly starting to form, turning you into a moaning mess.

His forearms are on either side of your head as he starts to suck and lick your neck again, having found the sweet spot that makes you cave for him every time. “Joel, don't stop. Fuck, baby,” you moan out, as you lift your hips just trying to get him to quit his teasing, he slowly starts to slide his cock into your needy pussy. He gets about halfway in, but has to stop, “Fuck, you’re gonna kill me baby girl,”.

“C’mon baby, move,” you whine as you claw at his back again, wrapping your legs around him and digging your heels into his hips. Your pussy is throbbing for more, so pent up that you’re getting impatient. “Fuck me, daddy,” you moan as you throw your head back into his soft pillows. Suddenly, you feel the other half of his throbbing cock split into you, and your legs let go of his hips as you yelp. He starts to pound your pussy, like you pleaded him to, the mixes of each other juices creating a loud slapping sound that echoes in the bedroom - you are losing your mind from that alone.

“This what you want needy baby? Just need daddy to give it to you rough.” Joel grunts as he grabs your right ankle and brings it to his shoulder, he holds your ankle in place with a hand as he starts to bite and kiss it while his other hand goes to your throat. You give him a smirk, telling him yes. He starts to squeeze the sides of your throat and you feel yourself start to get in a daze, before he lets go, then does it again.

You jolt a little bit when you feel his fingers from his other hand moving down to your clit. The mix of his fingers working on your clit, his cock hitting every spot you need it to, his words praising and degrading you, and him squeezing your throat has you seeing stars.

“Joel, fuck. I’m close, don’t stop, please,” is all you can say as you feel the tightness in your belly about to snap.

“Let it go sweet girl. Look at you, showing me you can take my cock and all,” he coos, and that’s all that it takes to send you over the edge.Your back arches as you moan Joel’s name over and over like a mantra, not ever wanting to forget him. Your body goes limp and your head is dizzy, when you feel him pull out and you both moan at the loss of each other's warmth, before he cums on your belly - moaning your name over and over like you did his.

—

Fucked out of your minds, Joel rolls off of you and both of you lay on your backs next to each other, just listening to one another’s breathing. You feel him get up from the bed as he walks to his bathroom, coming right back with a warm hand towel to clean you up. He gently rubs the towel and cleans you, then he throws the hand towel in the direction you know his hamper to be.

Joel grunts as he lays back down on his side to look at you, while you mimic his movements. This is the first time you’ve seen Joel with this post-fuck face he has, looking like he went to heaven and back. You hope you get to see more of him like this, just crumbling for you - He moves a piece of your hair behind your left ear and looks into your eyes.

“How’s that for ruining the moment?” you say without even thinking. You and Joel just start giggling again. ”Well, you’re two for zero right now..but you were right. You do make the memories better,” Joel is barely able to get out. After a little bit, a comforting hum from his rotating fan and both of your breathing, is all that can be heard as you stare at each other sincerely, you slowly move your body closer to Joel’s, wanting to feel him again. Joel wraps his arms around you like a delicate cocoon as you begin to slowly glide your fingers up and down his strong, yet gentle, arms. You slot your right leg between both his warm thighs, then you wrap your left leg around his hip.

The two of you are wrapped together like some kind of beautiful present you get on Christmas morning. As both of your breathing patterns and heart beats sync up, Joel kisses the top of your head and sleepily whispers, “I’m so glad you decided to stay, my love.”

You smile into his chest and hum, “Mhmm. Me too, Joel…me too.” You drift off into sleep feeling safe and loved while in Joel’s arms, Joel’s home, and Joel’s heart. Just you and Joel.

[danisbrainrot]

i had this idea myself but i’m too lazy to write it so i thought i’d share and i know u wanted to write something about natalie 😛

natalie getting her hair cut (maybe even bleached) by one of the yjs ‼️‼️ came to me in a dream but i haven’t been bothered to write it

lottie matthews x natalie scatorccio

I had to do my babies!! thank you for the ask, I was dying to write for nat!! this is an au where they crashed but lottie didn't get sent to switzerland, but moved in with natalie.

snip snip snip. the scissors felt natural in lottie's hands, but the danger of her hands holding such a weapon that close to natalie's neck worried her. she felt her hands shake as she began to overthink, before sucking in a deep breath and taking a step away.

"you alright?" natalie's keen eyes watched her through the mirror, concerned at lottie's reaction. "I swear, if my hair is above my ears again—"

lottie shook her head swiftly, "no, no. I'm not making that mistake again. . . just shaky," she replied. natalie snorted, absentmindedly playing with the ring lottie had gotten her for her birthday.

the pleasing sounds of scissors making their way through natalie's hair comforted the blonde. "my regrowth getting pretty bad," she commented. lottie hummed absentmindedly, which nat took to mean agreement. "I mean, not as bad as when we were rescued. . . but I think I should get it done again," lottie bit her bottom lip in concentration, ignoring what nat was saying as she focused on fixing the blondes split ends problem.

it was silent for a minute longer, even lottie's breath was bated as she pulled out a long strand of hair before snipping it off. "sorry, what were you saying?"

"nothing. since when were you such a good hairdresser?" natalie teased, a wide grin on her face.

lottie sighed, shaking her head, "I gave all my dolls haircuts," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "your roots need touching up, I've got foils but they might be dodgy," natalie snorted, shaking her head.

"thanks, lot. but I think I'll get that done by the pros," natalie teased, playing with her hair, amazed at the new feel. lottie smiled, proud of her work.

"you know what my payment is," lottie teased, jumping up on the kitchen counter, crossing her arms across her chest.

natalie rolled her eyes, sighing but getting up. "if I'd known you'd shrink out of your chores, I never would have asked you to move in," she joked, opening the dishwasher.

lottie raised a questioning eyebrow, "you would have let my parents send me to switzerland?" she asked, eliciting a chuckle from natalie.

"probably would've chased right after you," natalie retorted, opening the top cabinets to put away the cups.

lottie smiled softly, knowing that it was a sweet lie natalie told her. in fact, lottie was sure natalie only asked her to move in because she still felt some kind of need to protect her—as if she didn't leave her leadership behind in the wilderness.

"I hope you're okay with pasta for dinner, because that's all I know how to cook," natalie announced, snapping lottie out of her thoughts.

lottie rolled her eyes, and shook her head, "wow, I gave up switzerland, land of the meatballs, just for pasta every night," she sighed teasingly.

"after the shit we went through, I'm shocked more of us didn't go vegetarian. sometimes I see a piece of meat and. . ." natalie paused, realising that she wasn't joking anymore and instead leading towards dangerous territory.

the two had tried to avoid talking about the wilderness beyond silly jokes. it felt too real. like their trauma was haunting them—that the people they'd eaten were lingering around their house. the time they'd spent in those woods had such a profound impact on them, on their relationship, it was inconceivable that they could ever live without each other.

some nights, when the nightmares made them jolt, lottie finds herself flinging out of her bed and into natalie's arms—even though they both know damn well why she shouldn't be there. natalie was dating travis, and lottie wasn't mentally stable for a relationship yet. but still, that didn't prevent them from sharing a bed every so often. . . they convince themselves it was a perfectly normal thing for friends to do.

lottie sighed, watching natalie bend over to take out the cutlery holder. "did you hear tai's a vegetarian now? must have the same thought process as you," lottie mumbled. natalie chuckled again, looking at lottie in disbelief.

"that'll last three weeks. she loves pork ribs just a little too much," natalie teased, chucking the cutlery in the drawer, not bothering to check if it was in the right slot.

"are you sure you don't want me to redo your roots?" lottie asked abruptly. it would sound like a purposeful topic change to anyone except natalie, who knew the brunette was having her own conversation in her mind.

"okay, if you insist. but I'm not doing your laundry, that's where I draw the line," she joked, her mouth cracking up into a toothy grin.

lottie rolled her eyes, "like I'd let you in my room, I've seen you eyeing my pilgrim hat" she teased.

natalie licked her lips, "why would I want that when it looks better on you?" lottie felt her cheeks heat up, but before either of them had time to realise what that could mean, she quickly added, "nevermind, I might need it after you're done with my hair."

lottie snorted, rolling her eyes at the implication. "shut up. i'll get the foils now." a soft smile appeared on nat's face as she watched the brunette leave with a bounce in her step.

[randomfoggytiger]

This is random but do you have a list of Mulder/Scully fics that make you cry. Ideally I would like to be reduced to a blubbering puddle of tears. Your pinned post has been feeding my reading for days 🙏

Ohhhhhhhhhh-- what a challenge! I'm not a blubbery gal; but there are some undeniables, of course.

This is going to be a mess-ish without any real order, but here we go!

@melforbes's seaglass blue (AU marriage after Scully's terminal diagnosis ~ Redux II. Mulder takes her to the sea for their honeymoon.) It was at the best/worst time of my life thus far-- which isn't saying much because I've been extremely fortunate-- and I completely resonated with each and every one of Mulder's struggles.

Anything @enigmaticdrblockhead touches. Made a compilation here that @waiting-for-the-day kindly posted. Ascension guts me every time.

Just teared up the other day to @lokisgame's "Au where Scully never joined the fbi and works in the basement of the hospital (where the morgue is) and all the hospital refers to her as “Spooky Scully”. Mulder comes in as a terminal cancer patient and they somehow meet and fall in love."

Joyce's Revenant tore my heart out with the power of love: death and rot won't prevent Mulder's protective streak from saving Scully.

BONUS! I follow up Revenant with these light-hearted continuation fics (the last one is my favorite)--

AU/Ghost1/Mulder dies, good-naturedly haunts Scully as she solves X-Files-- 

1-- Gossamer | Story: "Ghost in Her Life (1/2)" by Joyce 

2-- Gossamer | Story: "Ghost in Her Life (2/2)" by Joyce 

AU/Ghost2/Scully assigned new partner/Mulder still solves X-Files w/ her-- 

1-- Gossamer | Story: "Ghost at Her Side, The (1/3)" by Joyce 

2-- Gossamer | Story: "Ghost at Her Side, The (2/3)" by Joyce 

3-- Gossamer | Story: "Ghost at Her Side, The (3/3)" by Joyce 

AU/Ghost3/Halloween/Partner leaves her alone for holiday/Scully better at reading restless moods/banter/Mulder nervous, feels ghosts about/he wants to spook people/witnesses Teena’s living grave/mad being summoned by noob/resigned to help her w/ probs/he projects terror on bullies/kids get to touch his ghost form-- Gossamer | Story: "Ghost in the Dark, The" by Joyce.)

Mulder's desperation to get to his son's C-section birth in the beginning of Alcott's Exit tore at my heartstrings (all ends happily-- twice, in fact.)

And lots (and lots) of clone fics... because they either A. never end well or B. are about common humanity despite circumstances. However, as misty-eyed as some get me, The Other Man GOT me:

Jess Mabe's The Other Man (Gossamer, WBM)-- Mulder's blood work comes back a clone. The real Mulder had been imprisoned on a military base. He and Scully are only in time enough to save a barely stable man and give him a human death.

XSketch's Soledad Para Dos gave me many emotions (Will is readopted; but Scully dies soon after of cancer. Mulder clings to his son; but this birthday is the first by himself. It's touching.) Not to mention Wish, William-- Will tracks down his bio parents after Colonization, finding Scully caring for a brain-damaged Mulder by the beach. Father and son have meaningful conversations.

There are two fics I can't find right now (if anyone can remind me so I don't have to dumpster dive all night, that'd be great~):

Scully died while giving birth to her S8 son; and Skinner finds and brings Mulder back home, watching him as he grieves the loss, picks up the pieces, and becomes a well-adjusted father to his boy.

Mulder wasn't returned in TINH; and Scully remained immortal while her son aged and died. Her partner is returned after Will's death; and the two of them relive their son's life, marked everywhere by his search for his missing father. (Found it! Part 1: Gossamer | Story: "Age Cannot Wither" by ML 2: Gossamer | Story: "Nor Custom Stale" by ML)

...Ehhhhhhhhhhh, why not-- I'll throw in one that made me blubber in a good way: Jenna Tooms's Shooting Star is about Mulder being found 17 years later by TLG: holed up in a mental institution and guardianed by a surprisingly caring Krycek. Scully "his angel" swoops in and saves him, battling for her partner to bring him home to their son Ben/"Benji" despite his cognitive impairments. It's so, so, SO beautiful that I just reread all of it (again) rather recently and I'M NOT ASHAMED IT MADE MY LIPS QUIVER, OKAY. Clones are also in this story, as are second babies (one) and risky nanobyte procedures that Mulder "ditches" to try to get "himself" back. (Gossamer links: Shooting Star (1/4), Shooting Star (2/4), Shooting Star (3/4), Shooting Star (4/4).) She writes "cognitively impaired" Mulder SOOOOOOOOO well-- his "speech" is real and beautiful and flawlessly written. I'm not a thorough reader and I don't care to be-- but this fic? I eat up EVERY. WORD. WITH A DOZEN SPOONS.

These are all that stand out for now.... if I remember more, I'll reblog this post and type them in later~. :DDDD

Thank you so much for the ask~. If anyone else has curiosities, I'll be more than happy to answer them!

[bright-and-burning]

just remembered i missed all sorts of tags dkjnkjfdsanf tagged by @foggieststars @omigodyall @liamlawsonlesbian @albonoooo AND @freeuselandonorris !!!

1. do you make your bed?

not unless people are coming over (i have a studio apartment), but i also only sleep w a duvet in the summer lol

2. favourite number?

13! my first high school soccer number. i loved being the unlucky number <3 something so fun about being the shortest person on the team w the unlucky number coming on and playing aggressively lol

3. what's your job?

i'm a data analyst! for a government research group. kind of. it’s complicated aksjksjd. demographics + economics + policy stuff most of the time, i think (idk, they just pay me to do numbers and code)

4. if you could go back to school, would you?

yeah, my job'll get me my masters for free and i am definitely taking them up on that

5. can you parallel park?

yes!!!

6. do you think aliens are real?

the universe is mad vast there's def lifeforms out there. definitely no humanoids in our solar system imo tho

7. can you drive a manual car?

no kfjdsakfj i've never driven manual. i want to learn! but you would not believe how hard that is like, logistically. just finding someone who owns a manual is impossible lmao

8. guilty pleasure?

i simply do not feel guilt abt pleasure. jk uhhhh. ok this is so hard i did the full thing and came back to this and still dont have an answer. naps during the workday? some of my music taste is like . fjdskajf. i guess

9. tattoos?

none for now !

10. favourite colour?

all of the sunset ones!! orange and pink and purples.. beloved....

11. favourite type of music?

im sure spotify will say my top genre recently is. rap? pop? one of those two. but that's just the mood im in this summer. last summer was extremely folk americana rock indie modge podge

12. do you like puzzles?

YES!!!! it's like. why i'm in the career im in lol every project i work on is just solving puzzles w the exact same rush of satisfaction at completing it/figuring it out lol

13. favourite childhood sport?

i did . so many sports as a kid. if it was free/cheap my parents were throwing us in just to try lol. played soccer, did taekwondo, did like ten years of dance (tap >>> ballet if im honest), running, kickball every day after school for years, gymnastics for a bit, more or less self-taught figure skating w second hand skates, etc etc. to say nothing of the random sports i tried one(or two or three)-offs of with friends at like birthday parties or w/e (loved hockey ! loved softball ! loved tennis !) i liked soccer best for sure tho. perfect mix of the like quick feet agility i loved about tap dancing and the exhilaration of success and watching everything come together in the right moment of all the other things

14. do you talk to yourself?

yes and no? im actually quite quiet despite living alone but i have a constant running monologue so things slip out all the time ldkfjal

15. tea or coffee?

...neither

16. first thing you wanted to be when growing up?

an engineer!! #womeninstem. when i was 3 i would go around saying i wanted to be an engineer and make a million dollars a year and adopt 12 kids (6 boys 6 girls). that was the very first eve dream

17. what movies do you adore?

40s and 50s musicals >>>>. technicolor how i miss you so... gene kelly movies were my bread and butter as a kid. i do love wes anderson can't lie. also chris nolan movies! they hit! like they just do!! also robots (2005).

i genuinely think everyone has been tagged. just guessing based on how many times ive been tagged here. DJFLAK

[sapphyreopal5]

Probably sounds terrible on my part to have missed this notification but last night I was thinking about a man I briefly dated over 11 years ago. I looked on his Facebook and saw a comment on my last birthday post to him from 8/4/2023 I somehow missed from 40 weeks ago. It was a comment from this guy's sister named Whitney telling me that earlier that year he passed away. It turns out he passed away 4/1/2023 unexpectedly, not sure what happened.

I remember dating him briefly, went out on 2 dates to be exact before he was incarcerated a county away. I remember this young man rode a motorcycle to both of the dates we went on. Maybe a few days after I had stopped hearing from him I recall one of his younger brothers reached out to me via Facebook Messenger at one point letting me know what happened to him. I in turn had to tell our Anatomy & Physiology professor what happened to him to which he decided to give him a W for Withdrawal since he knew his sister Whitney (who would he that ended up telling me he passed away over 11 years later).

He is who I affectionately called my pen pal from years ago, as I spent that summer making visits to him at times and wrote to him. I was at Sunset Beach when he was released. I remember the very last time I spoke to him on the phone was while I was at Sunset Beach. It was when I returned home is when I found suddenly my phone calls weren't being answered and phone calls never went to voicemail. On Facebook, nothing couldn't find him. Realizing I had been ghosted, I threw away the letters he had sent. I kind of regret doing that now in a way but it is what it is.

Turns out after I asked him via Messenger back in 2019 that he figured I deserve better than him. Said that he ended up getting into drugs and alcohol a lot because of the pain from having the plate in his spine from a hit and run (and left for dead) in a parking garage from years ago. Also told me that he tells his friends I'm the one that got away to which I said "more like pushed away." He did apologize for hurting me and does mean what he said. The very last time I spoke to him was related to some political post he wrote which was back in 2021.

Interesting timing with finding out he passed away given the current state of things. I also returned from another beach just 4 days ago aroudn 2am and it is now that I discover he is truly gone from this world for good. I checked to see what date it was 40 weeks ago when I read his sister Whitney's comment letting me know her brother passed away earlier last year. The date? Friday, 10/13/2023. I will say I'm saddened by just now discovering this news so late, let alone to hear of his passing. On a side note, it's ironically the same jail he was in when he was my pen pal that's less than 20 min away from the Charlotte SPN Con I went to almost 5 months after he passed away (and not knowing it at the time), which also took place on the same day a former coworker passed away. His higher self Poseidon did tell me that the guy did return to him after he passed away. I'm also aware that it is another Poseidon incarnation's 42nd birthday today who happened to have starred in the movie Friday the 13th (and is the first time I saw him). Happy birthday Jared by the way, I hope your day was happier than mine.

This news I think is rather saddening for me because I do think he was telling me the truth when he said that I was the one that got away. When I was 17 years old and dated someone my parents did not approve of, my dad said to me that if a man cares about a woman but knows her family doesn't approve (for legitimate reasons), he will let her go. Him letting me go in believing I deserved more than what he could give me has been hitting me a little hard today. He seemed to have seen a lot more potential and positive things in me than I even see in myself most times. Before I heard about his passing away, a song from the movie Phenomenon came to mind, Have a Little Faith in Me. I watched the 1996 movie Phenomenon (one of my favorites) a couple days ago and heard the song Dance with Life at the very end. It's a somewhat fitting song for this scenario I think.

I know this is a bit late but rest in peace Blake, I will see you again one day.

[nancypullen]

The Ides of January

I'm supposed to start work tomorrow. A new start, a new job, hopefully the turning point in this lonely slog that has been our move to Maryland. I'm nervous, the way you are before the first day of school - not dreading it, knowing everything will be fine, but butterflies in my stomach over all of the unknowns. Will everyone be nice? Will I do/say something stupid on my first day? I know that I'm perfectly capable of doing this job, but I'm probably a bit rusty. Am I too old to do this? I'm no spring chicken. I spent all morning beating myself up mentally and then the universe took pity on me and sent... *s*n*o*w*. This was a peek out the back door around lunch time.

It's been steadily snowing ever since. It's 8:20 pm now and it's a marshmallow world out there (extra points if you can hear Dean Martin singing that). So, aside from the calming effect of watching those beautiful flakes drift down and make the world beautiful, my first day on the job might be a snow day! If you've known me for any amount of time, you understand how excited I get about snow days. It started when we moved from Alaska to Tennessee. I'd never heard of snow days. Our only rule in North Pole was when temps were colder than -65 (yes, 65 degrees below zero) school was optional. Our first winter in Tennessee saw a couple of snows, they didn't amount to much. After the first snow I woke the boys up for school, fed them breakfast, got them bundled up, and drove to the school. When we drove up the place looked deserted and I wondered if there'd been a bomb threat or something crazy. As I pulled up to the school I saw the director of the before/after school daycare program standing outside waving me off. I rolled my window down and asked what had happened and she looked at me like I was a lunatic and said, "It SNOWED, go home!" That was how I learned about snow days. To say we were delighted is an understatement. Unafraid of the weather, we went right to the grocery store for some snacks and then stopped at Blockbuster (yes, I'm that old) for games and a movie. My little guys weren't impressed with the dusting of snow, not enough to sled on or build a fort, but we felt like we had the run of the town that day. Once that happened we became weather hawks, just waiting for a hint of flurries or an icy patch on the road that might cancel school. We embraced all of the southern superstitions - flushing ice cubes, going to bed with our jammies on inside out, putting a spoon under a pillow, and of course, doing a snow dance. Even after my kids grew up and away, while I was still with the school district no one wished harder for snow days. Is it possible that I've just gotten my first Maryland snow day? I couldn't be more tickled. The assistant director emailed me this afternoon and said that closing for weather is a possibility and that he'd let me know in the morning. Guess who's flushing ice cubes and sleeping with her jammies inside out? I'm not alone in my joy over the snow. My sweet grandgirl heard that snow was on the way and put on her snow pants and went to the backyard to hunt snowflakes.

Her daddy snapped that through a window. I wonder if she caught any? She has a birthday in just 23 days. She'll be SIX. How did that happen? She's loving kindergarten, reading like a champ, and still on track to win an Oscar someday. Here's another snap I love, just browsing in the library.

Ball gown, warm pants underneath, high heels...I need to remember to tell her that this made me think of Belle in the Beast's library.

Okay, that's from the book shop in her village - same idea.

And this photo cracked me up. Her parents purchased a new vehicle, and you know how time consuming that is - even if you walk up with a bag of cash it seems to take forever. She waited patiently in full snow queen regalia. She loves that gold sequined "shawl" that I haven't told her was a holiday table runner.

Lest you think she only identifies as a princess, rest assured that she spends the bulk of her play time as special agent Carmen Sandiego.

She asked Santa for that outfit and he delivered. She loves it. She's solving crimes and catching bad guys while looking fabulous. Anyywayyyyy, I've drifted (see what I did there?) from snow days to costume changes. I suppose I should go upstairs and pick out a first day at work outfit just in case my ice cubes and jammies don't do the trick. I think I'll just close my eyes and reach into the closet. Nothing looks good anyway. I'll be tidy and I'll wear comfy shoes. I've got a lunch box and new water bottle, just like a kindergartner. I usually buy water by the case and guzzle it. After reading about all of the microplastics I'm drinking I decided to just get a Brita bottle with a filter and fill it with tap water. Of course I put a sticker on it so no one mistakes it for their bottle.

Annnnd I just realized that he looks like he's raising middle fingers. Oh no. He's not, I swear he's not. He's got his index and pinky fingers raised which can mean a couple of things. It's sign language for I love you, or it means he's rocking out at a concert. Good grief, why didn't I just put a flower sicker on it, or write my name in Sharpie? Maybe I could draw mittens on him. Now I'm nervous again. Pray for a snow day, y'all. I'm not ready. On that note, I'll bid you goodnight. Here's hoping that this new venture provides me with friendly interactions, interesting conversations, work that keeps me busy, plenty of blogging material, and let's not forget that tasty paycheck. It's all good, right? Right. Wherever you are I hope that you're toasty and warm. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[purplesurveys]

1845

What were you doing before you started taking this survey? I feel like a fool remembering how I thought Saturday was going to be a rest day, because today has been everything but. Before this survey, we went to pick up paint for my sister's room; I went to my dentist appointment; dropped by Feliz to get ensaymadas my mom needed to pick up; three different drive-thrus because by lunch we were all starving, only to be met by super long lines so we just gave up; then had homemade lunch at home.

Now it's 4:12 PM and I hardly have a weekend left because we'll still need to go to church tonight, then I have an all-day event for work tomorrow + a wrestling show to attend in the evening.

Do you live somewhere where it’s completely safe to walk alone at night? I do, because it's a gated subdivision. The moment I step outside of the village and into the main highway might be a different story.

Have you ever lived with someone who was a total slob? No, we like keeping the house tidy. Even at its messiest I'd say it'd still be considered relatively clean. A lot of households I've been to are super cluttered so I'm lucky my family didn't fall under that trap.

Would you rather be able to talk to animals or be fluent in every language? If you were fluent in every language surely that includes animal ones? < There we go, haha.

Does your kitchen have a pantry? Yes.

Do you live below your means? Or do you spend every penny you have? I live below it because after three years of doing exactly the opposite and spending money as long as I have it, I finally learned how unhealthy and unsustainable it is. I hardly touch my earnings now and my biggest current vice is just spending on food because I don't know how to cook.

What are some foods you enjoy cooking? I don't know how to cook and can't see myself enjoying it.

Have you ever watched Battlestar Galactica? Nope.

Can others often tell what you’re feeling by your facial expressions? Yeah I'm pretty transparent but that's also because I don't like keeping things in. If I'm happy you'll know it, if I'm pissed people will definitely recognize it.

Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace? Yes, it's a regular part of my role.

Did you ever skip class when you were in school? If so, was there a particular class that you skipped the most? I couldn't skip class because my mom liked seeing us off hahaha. If I did choose to be absent, it was with her permission.

In your opinion, what is it that makes someone a good person? Doing things with compassion and sincerity. I really look up to people who can be genuine at all times.

Are you happy with the life you’re living? It's mostly okay, but there are things I still wish could be different.

How do your political beliefs compare to those of your parents? I lean on the left-wing and my parents are neutral more than anything, but that said I wouldn't say we clash. They just don't care for the most part.

What do you think of the Baby Boomer generation? Ruins most things, but maybe that's just my experience with Filipino boomers. Insufferable.

Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs? I've probably done that before.

Are you high-maintenance? In some aspects but I wouldn't say it's my entire personality as I can be lax about other things.

What was the last non-fiction book you read? AJ Lee's autobiography.

Would you ever consider being a foster parent? No.

Are you able to crack any of your joints? Can't.

What’s your favorite movie genre? Drama and thriller.

What’s something that’s been on your mind a lot lately? My future at my workplace, saving up for a place to live, saving up for my US trip ten years down the line to fulfill my childhood dream of going to Wrestlemania. As for short-term – my birthday! Hahaha.

What was the last thing someone asked you for advice on? My mom asked me to help pick out a shade for my sister's room as she was still asleep when we went to the store and we needed to go by her request which was simply 'off-white' lol.

Have you ever kissed 3 or more people in the same day? No.

What’s your opinion on lottery tickets? Waste of money, or no? It's harmless if it's like one ticket. Just don't let it become an obsession.

What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? Wedding videos.

Are you a very detail-oriented person? Or are you better at seeing the big picture? Details. I need them.

Do you have any upcoming plans with friends? We've talked about Korea in 2025 but we'll see how that pans out. I'm definitely committed to prepare for it but I don't think they're at that point yet.

What was the last picture message you received, and from whom? Just something from work.

Have you ever swam in a saltwater pool? No.

What kinds of leisure activities did your family do together when you were growing up? We didn't have a lot. My fondest memories were going to the arcade and booking staycations in hotels, but even then they all mean a lot in their own ways.

What color suits you more: teal or black? I'd say black.

What continent do you live on? Asia.

[assimilates]

uhhhh ok gonna talk abt mother death / parent death here don't mind me

my mom would be 65 this week... her bday was jan 3rd and she died on this day 5 years ago. she had barely turned 60 but she was in a coma so she didn't really turn 60. i miss her so much. it rained today just like it rained on her death day. i think about her so often and this week, for whatever reason, has been especially hard. maybe because it's been 5 years. not sure. i had to call out of work on her birthday after speaking to my therapist.

i just wish she could see what i've accomplished in these 5 years. i'm living on my own. i have a boyfriend who cherishes me and treats me like a queen. i have a job. i'm moving to canada. i'm starting a new life w my boyfriend. i have friends who care about me.

with the good is the bad. my roommates are abusive (and no, not because i'm told i have to dishes). one of them is especially so when she's drunk. it hurts me. my boss even wants me to move. but i can't. i'm waiting and saving to move to canada. it can't happen fast enough.

she'd be so proud of me, i know that. everyone's told me that. it's only natural.

i just wanna hug her. hold her hand. tell her i love her while she's watching some real housewives. every time i hear certain songs on the radio i think of her. anytime a celeb she likes dies i think of her. i think of her constantly. how we'd say the same words like a prayer every night. praying to see each other again. we've said those words like a mantra as far back as i can remember. just so that if we died in our sleep or if the world ended, we knew we went to bed w love in our hearts.

i miss hearing her say those words. i miss her taking care of me when i get sick. i miss her smell. i miss the way she'd laugh. the way she'd smile. the way she'd tell me she's proud of me when i did well in school. i never graduated. i wanted her to see me graduate and i regret not doing so every day. i should've known, you know? any year could have been her year but i just. i tried to ignore it until it was too late. i even prayed for her in my grief. that she'd make it through like she always had before.

it just... it hurts so, so bad. it was so traumatic. her not being able to say goodbye since she was on a ventilator. i said my words to her thinking the coma they'd induce would help her, but she'd never wake up... they put her down like an animal. drugged her up w morphine and let her stop breathing. we pulled the plug. i held her hand. i hugged her even though i didn't want to because i knew it meant goodbye.

my boss told me it's not really goodbye. it's until we meet again. i was so suicidal and i had wanted to meet her so bad, but every attempt failed. she doesn't want to meet me again just yet. and i'm happy for that now. i know how beautiful life is. even in the mess of the state the world is rn. i still see the beauty in nature and life. which i never thought was possible. i stopped taking opiates because she died and there went my supply. so i'm grateful for that, too.

i don't know where i'm going w this. i just need to get it out. i wish she saw me turn 30. i wish she could meet my boyfriend. i wish for a lot of things which i know will never come true... but i just hope she's out there somewhere. i hope she's stardust again. i hope she's in some paradise where she is free from all the hurt and pain... i know she's better off dead than alive. but i just hope someday i can see her again. i just miss you and love you so much, mom.

to anyone who reads this, thank you. i feel better just getting it off my chest. i'll share with you the words mom and i would say every night:

"good night, i love you, i'll see you in the morning - don't let the bed bugs bite, smooches, sweet dreams -

i love you."

[pbandjesse]

I do not know what but my leg is hurting very much. It started yesterday and it hasn't improved. Even with James trying to squeeze and massage it. Hopefully I just like twisted something weird and I'll be okay soon. Cause it's really uncomfortable.

But today was a nice day. And it's Jess's birthday! She finally joined me in being in her thirties. And she got the flowers we sent her! Poster above, they are shaped like a cat and we though they were hilarious.

I slept alright last night. And felt a little better this morning. James had loaded up the car already. I was slow to start. But got myself together and we headed out.

We beat the rain. But it would be on and off all day. And after we got breakfast James helped me set up my table.

The pavilion was all wet but Ann had worked hard on brushing the water away with the broom. But I wouldn't notice a new puddle showed up under my chair and the whole bottom of my dress got soaked and it kept sticking to my legs and it was cold and terrible. I would survive but only barely.

Callie was at the market today working for Helen. It was so fun having a friend there. And it wasn't a terrible day. I made my break even sale goal, but it was slow. The rain didn't help I'm sure. But there were good waves of people.

And I had fun. Sewing. People watching. Chatting with CJ. I had my two little friends come and I showed them how to sew and let them work on some of my keychain bears. I will be redoing them but it was fun to let them do it.

I did have a slightly stressful interaction with some kids who wanted to buy keychains and their parents said yes but then wanted me to change the pins to keychains and I did but then the kids changed their minds and had meltdowns about wanting pins still. There was a lot of screaming?? But it was fine. I am glad they liked my stuff.

It started storming really hard and it got really loud for a while. But it would calm down again. And as 1 came around we started packing up. And then it started raining again and I got all wet carrying everything to the car. Ah well. It wasn't to bad.

I went and said goodbye to James. And then I went home.

When I got back here I would collect my dried flowers and put some new ones in my books. Callie let me keep some that fell on the group. And had my leftover chipotle from last night.

I got changed and laid down. And would eventually fall asleep.

I woke up when James came in. I told them to wake me up for real when they got done in the shower. And I would take my time getting myself together. James had two podcasts to do today. And once I was up and dressed I left.

I drove out to joann's to buy yarn. They didn't have the colors I wanted but I got black and that's fine. I went to savers next and had a weird interaction when I asked to get by someone and they were really rude. They were blocking the whole aisle and I waited a little but they weren't moving so I asked politely to get by and they made a fuss backing up to make room and then said I should have gone down a different aisle??? No?? You don't own the whole store?? It out a bad taste in my mouth. I hadn't had my headphones in but I would put them on now because I didn't want to hear nasty people anymore.

I would end up finding two more skeins of yarn that were brand new and the brand I like. $3 a piece! So I was very pleased. And I found a little white towel rack (?) That was only $2 and I am going to use as camp and I was very pleased. And older lady, as I was leaving the store, told me it was a really cool find!

I checked out and went over to the goodwill. There I found a dress for the Ren fair. And had a nice conversation with the woman at the counter. She thought using the dress for the Ren fair was a great idea.

In the car I decided I wanted a pretzel. But the Towson mall was closing soon. So instead I drove out to white Marsh mall. And got a piece of pizza and a pretzel and walked around the mall for an hour. Smelling all the lotions at bath and body works. Looking at the jewelry and makeup at Claire's. Enjoying that goth fashion is back at hot topic. It was fun.

At 730 I went home. Getting back here at 8. As James was finishing their podcast. While they did that I played with making my Ren fair outfits. And soon would go and take a shower.

Me and James have been hanging out in bed since then. I am cozy and happy.

And tomorrow is the first day of camp!! I'm excited. I hope it's a good day and everything goes smoothly. Wish us luck. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi AJ, Tumblr won't let me send the entire thing by itself so I'll try and divide it.

Also sorry this is strange and you probably don't want to spend your time giving advice to random strangers but I don't want to bother my other friends with this, because it just feels like an ongoing thing, something I constantly complain about and while they're all really kind and understanding, and probably will not get annoyed I don't want to take the chance to irritate them.

I was always the ugly duckling growing up, and despite really wanting to be extroverted, I pushed myself to be a secluded person since it felt like each time I talked to people the popular girls would make fun of shit that I said or did or wore. I did eventually make good friends in freshman year of high school (I think that's what 9th grade is, India doesn't follow that system of naming so I'm not sure) but I always wanted to have a guy best friend, because a lot of my other friends did and it seemed like the cool thing atm. So when I became friends with some guys (let's call them A, B and C) I was super grateful and happy. While I lost contact with C, me and A kept in touch and B actually lived nearby so we even hung out often, studied together and everything.

1.

He ended up moving once the exams were over, after chastising B for breaking the surprise, tbh I am not very thrilled at the prospect of any surprises but I stayed quiet because he seemed excited. I thought he'd also just want to hand out once in a while (which preferably to me is like once three months lol) but once he came over he wanted to meet everyday, I was going through teb rough time because my parents suddenly decided to split and I was living with my mom and sister alone. Once he'd come over he would not leave till it was night time and frankly I wasn't comfortable with that, he was also very touchy, constantly wanting to cuddle and hold hands and go for walks and whatnot. I've had other guy friends over time and none do that unless they ask first. He wasn't per say making me physically uncomfortable but I felt scared around him that if mom walked into the room she'd think we were together, and I don't want that, also like I said I just wasn't comfortable with the actions, not threatened just not okay with them ykwim? Even B looked at us weird when A insisted on holding hands and asking me to put my head on his lap and go to sleep or smth when we were watching a movie and I grew sleepy. I'll be honest, if this was a girl friend of mine, I'd be more than happy lol but with guys I'm not, ig I've never been, not to this extent, me and my other guy friends also hug, B brings me chocolates when I'm on my periods and he even often came to pick me from my tuitions when it got dark outside but I felt incredibly safe with their actions, like I could put my head on B's shoulder on the bike ride w/o fearing what anyone else would think because I know it was entirely platonic, with A idk, on my birthday he insisted he pick me up from home to the place we all had decided to hang out at, even though I told him I'd ask B since he lived closer A seemed mad at me so I gave in. On the ride, he kept trying to loop my hand around his waist, finally I ended up sort of hitting him over the playfully but the entire interaction made me uncomfortable. Ever since I was trying to avoid him, plus I have exams and stuff going on and am rarely free because of college and my premed exam, but he keeps insisting we hang. Once I ended up getting exhausted and told another friend (a girl from the boarding school) what I had been feeling and she validated my emotions except ig she told him exactly what I felt and he sent me a text apologising for making me feel uncomfortable and that he was having a hard time in life then and meant no harm, I felt guilty because again I feel like I had no proper experience with guy friends (even though I do now) and I apologised too. He didn't ask me to hang out since then and didn't even wish me on my birthday this year which I was actually happy with because I thought it officially meant out friendship had ended, but yesterday he texted me again and asked if I was planning on avoiding him forever. Idk what to do, I feel like a bad friend but I am also highly uncomfortable talking to him again lest he wants to hang out. He was a really popular guy in school, and I had always figured he does things like this and then patting me on the head to get girls hearts to flutter (he used to watch a lot of kdramas) but he never outright says anything wrong or even close to derogatory, I think he just likes being liked but I am not interested in him at all. In fact I don't want to hang out even if he is not close to me. 2.

Sorry AJ part of that ask may have been repeated, I can't remember where I last left off

Dear Anon, 

I read over your ask a couple of times so I could give the best advice possible. First of all, I sincerely hope you’re doing better now, considering your parents splitting and all. Sending you the warmest hugs.

Now, onto your ask. There are two things I’d like to address - self esteem and RED flags.

There are various reasons why our self-esteem takes a blow. Sometimes it’s the world’s screwed up standard of beauty. Sometimes it’s the toxic environment around us. Even though I don’t know you, what I can definitely say is that your high school peers were terrible and I’m so sorry they bullied you. That’s not ok and they are a piece of shit for pulling off things like that. And FYI, no part of you is responsible for it. 

I see you call yourself an ugly duckling - hey, that whole story is about how a swan didn’t realize it was beautiful only because it compared itself to the ducks around. The swan wasn’t even a duck - of course it would look different! You might want to read up on this report on Dove which (a) shows pictures of real women and beauty and, (b) gives a statistical insight on the screwed up beauty standard. https://www.dove.com/us/en/stories/campaigns/real-cost-of-beauty.html?utm_source=VanityURL&utm_medium=VanityURL&utm_campaign=RealCostofBeauty&utm_id=RCOB%3f&gclid=CjwKCAjwzNOaBhAcEiwAD7Tb6JioHeC7EqkZTMM2J1Ma5ISY1QPWjQpXuChQ1AZFx9dpKOnaQ9EZsBoCHf4QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Now, to red flags.

Your friend, A, shows MULTIPLE red flags. 

He does not respect your boundaries nor does he ask for consent - unlike your other male friends

Your friends HAVE noticed and agreed that he crosses the line multiple times in physical contact

You are at a constant unease with A - you don’t feel safe with him

You would rather be in a physically close space with your other friends than A

A gets mad when you prefer another friend

He constantly tries to get physically close to you

You were happy when he wasn’t around

A could be having a hard time in his life, it does not justify the consistent need to get physically close to you. He could literally talk to you about his difficulties rather than… wanting your head on his lap? Looping your arms across his waist? 

Gender has little role in influencing boundaries in friendship. How intimate you are with a friend depends on the allowances you have mutually given each other. With one friend you can share a bed, with the other you could hug once in four years! 

Ok, he apologised - good for him - but there’s no need for you to be guilty. You were uncomfortable. Listen, you’d be a bad friend if you hung out with him when you actually didn’t want to.

I don’t think I have the rest of your message - I think Tumblr ate them up. So based on whatever I have read, I would tell you to be honest.

You are not comfortable with him - and that’s absolutely valid. It is difficult for a friendship to exist when your first reaction to spending time with him is discomfort. There’s no way a good friendship can sustain. 

I give him the benefit of doubt that he’s under 25 - and forming his personality at this age which can be very much influenced by the media he surrounds himself with. Also, he needs to be putting in some effort. If he wants a friendship to exist then he needs to make you feel comfortable and perhaps really acknowledge his mistake without providing justification. Just staying away for some time and then asking you when you would stop avoiding him isn’t the solution. 

And the main point is you don’t want to hang out with him. The worst you can do as a friend is remain as one out of obligation instead of true friendship. So being honest with him is the best that you can do. 

I would advise you to state something on the lines that ‘given how everything went and you made me feel, I don’t think we could be friends because comfort, boundaries and consent are the most important things for me in friendship and unfortunately that simply does not exist between us. However, I truly do wish the best for you.’

Even if he was the best person on the planet, there’s no obligation necessary to be his friend when he cannot respect your boundaries.

If he can understand and learn to give respect to your boundaries - excellent. If he gets pissed - you’re better off without such a friend. 

Best,

Jalebi

P.S: I’d also recommend speaking to some of the friends you trust. Even better if that trusted person is aware of A.

P.P.S: You're uncomfortable - that's enough to not continue any friendship.

[pokefanbri]

Bri's back story

Little back story, my mom's birthday is Halloween btw lol 🎃 She was a very wild child & couldn't be controlled by grama & grampa rip. Who always compared her to her older siblings who were roudy & eventually became roudy herself. Conceived me & twin bro in New Orleans where she had fun & came back pregnant w/us, Grampa passed in 96 & the fam split, she raised 4 kids on her own, did crack & broke under the pressure, got us taken away is the gist.

We were put in foster care when I & my twin bro (13) & 2 younger siblings were all split up into group homes after twin bro called cps & snitched on her, can't forgive her, paint himself as the victim & says I abandoned the family of which was only his opinion nobody else's. Since I reunited with her I'm unforgivable & discarded by him & my aunt by association. But honestly foster care was probably the best thing for us cuz we struggled to eat at home, whereas actually well taken care of my the government. Twin & I got through our HS careers in separate schools w/the same build blueprint so was like a twin school...thank God he would have cramped my style 😎 We got jobs at 16 to save for apt after emancipation. The only issue was visitations, they wouldn't let us see her cuz CPS is ALWAYS AGAINST THE MOTHER... denied her rights to see us but we could see each other. (cuz drugs are involved regardless if from good homes or not, I had a roommate w/a similar situation w/her kids but she was a good mom) My younger bros got adopted out into & nice family, twin bro naturally got adopted by them as well but at 19 cuz he wanted what they had. Right b4 that he crashed at my earned apartment, that I had in high school. They got all their own cars & everything they wanted, big but messy house. However I went a diff route & not knowing it was an option to be adopted, I did everything on my own & humbled myself on the bottom living my own struggle....... while they floated in a pool & had loving parents & went on cruises without me. But none of them know God, it's a shame really how reverse the world seems. But I understand why He made it this way, for my life to be in shambles is with a relationship with Him & it gets easier after every lesson, more interesting too never a dull moment. He's going to weed out the truly faithful from liars in the end. There's no hiding from God, He's gonna do everything in the perfect order according to His plan. Everything I've experienced is all part of the process & I just have to stay patient

Twin Bro always played video games & ignored everything. Loves Harry potter & looks just like him. Smart, won a bike from a Geography B. Loves Britney Spears (I found out that Britney is the female version of his name 🤣 no wonder) was introduced to a lot of games by watching him play Playstation, & GameCube that we shared but never let me play, so I was stuck playing our N64. Fought with mom a lot about her secret addiction. All we had was each other growing up for a while until our siblings came around. We kind of drifted apart but not my choice. He's the only person in the family that thinks I abandoned them when it's literally an obviously reverse, only cuz I was associated mom at all in the past. He wants nothing to do with her so he wants something to do with me as well. I'm always compared to my mom and I hate it.

Middle child always had a knack for making money 💰 starting young ADHD & had wild ideas to get in trouble. Always high, scheming, has multiple businesses going but seems to always be broke & asking for money, & has 4 kids. Usually only concerned about how he can use u to his advantage & how much he can make off of u. However he may be Fked up the most & may need an exorcism due to antichrist & blasphemous behavior.

Youngest grew up right cuz he was too young & is very very funny, actually cares about me but doesn't know me very well unfortunately.

I've always been quiet ordered around to do the chores and clean the house like Cinderella. Wake everyone up, get the little ones ready for school as well as myself. Babysat my brother's constantly, was mothering them from a young age making sure they didn't get into trouble, while my twin brother played video games the whole time & mom got high. She did the best she could with 4 kids I guess, but gave up, clouded judgement by the drugs. We were quite a few years away from coming back home to Tucson from Iowa & well that's a whole other story back east. I believe when my Youngest brother's abusive dad was in jail it was a chance for us to leave & come home. Actually glad he didnt know his dad, the worst kind of paranoid schizophrenia, not the kind I am...the untreated scary psycho kind with hitting involved 😰 u dont wanna know. So years go by & after staying with my mom's friend & her kids for a while, we got our own place. & Years after 9/11, in 2004 we were taken by cps. I was still ordered to clean every day til I got my own apartment & had no choice but to clean, now I'm ocd to a point lol. Eventually mom went to rehab & everything we own was thrown into the garbage. Me being sneaky, went back to our apt after school during my time at the group home when I wasn't supposed to & stuffed my backpack with my CDs, book collections of rare Pokémon & 95% girly Yugioh cards of which I Eventually gave away which was so stupid of me 😫😓 Took a while to collect em all. The yugioh cards may still be at my church's youth group building where the African intergeated church now resides...wonder if they're still there like in the back room.

Anyway mom spoiled twin more than all 4 of us to keep his mouth shut about her drug use after she told him,fought w/her alot whilst being spoiled at the same time while I cleaned & took care of the younger 2. While twin played video games I was screamed at with curse words & told to do everything for her except cook, traumatized the fk outta me. However paid me to play yazzi with her sometimes when she was high lol. Guys & friends going in & out of the place all the time, they didn't scare me...I learned to be very protective & wary. Misspent youth growing up early couldn't really be a kid so I'm sort of a kid still at ❤️ The group home drilled cleaning into me too 🫤 CindaBri over here. These days I'm very sensitive & am prone to crying since I was a kid. I don't do well with conflict, bullying, negativity of any kind I cannot tolerate. I have a huge heart despite how I grew up, I was a pushover & it took me a longtime to develop a backbone. I absolutely hate it when I'm mistreated, feels like I'm a punching bag for family to take it out on. Well hears something, I honestly do not give a flying rat's ass what they think about me or my mother. I am free from their controlling ways and I'm so grateful to God that he gave me the strength to sever ties on my own terms and not theirs instead. I'm allowed to do the same exact thing & cut people out of my life if its better for me & my health then that's what I'll do. Not because of hatred but because it's the right thing to do. As family oriented as I want to be it's just not possible for my family to get along and it's very sad & pathetic. I have to be able to heal from the trauma even more as I had the worst of it. now broken however beautiful 😊 Mostly independent & very strong/resilient 💪 I have Jesus to thank for saving my life more than I can count. Never learned to drive either to this day & always take the bus. I think I'm 10x slower, I work really hard & always burnt out.

Oh yeah here's the kicker, at 19 I started getting auditory & increasingly visual hallucinations ever since...i have a brilliant mind like I'm fkin Matilda after my trauma or some sh*t. I've been having de ja vu or precognitive dreams of my own life since I was a toddler, one of a week span smashed into 1 dream which was my strongest one while I wad a teenager. Lately I don't remember much of my dreams since late 2023 😓 my gifts keep growing though & I swear I hear passed on or alive family, friends, & even celebrities, & my calico cat of 15 yrs. Whatever it is I believe it's God given, but I don't know how to control it yet. Hallucinating i don't think so, cuz its contant noise for 16 years. Though I know demons can mimic too, they were doing it at the start making me lose my mind, so idk if I've been followed since or what. I use logic in everything, very self aware, I know I'm not crazy. Just cuz others don't experience what I am don't mean it's not real, it is to me. And I don't wanna suppress it either I want to develop whatever it is but for now I have to figure it out on my own. I'm usually very private about what I go through nobody knows this side of me, nor do they understand & just pass it off as (I'm crazy for having voices in my head, so the solution is to fill her with medication, watch her drool on her food & wander around aimlessly in a psych ward for 2 weeks. Later hospital visits were due to suicide attempts but swallowing a bottle of pills never worked. Well luckily who was to greet me at the start of this weird journey than the Queen herself, Mother Mary. She was there to ease my mind it's where I was supposed to be, when I 1st visited the hospital. See I dreamt of her weeks prior, the same scene...her portrait behind the desk where u sit to give blood for testing at the hospital here in Tucson...still there today. Blood is very significant to the story too.

I have an amazing longterm memory I do remember my own birth (that's a good story too) My mind has a lot of knowledge to use but may be overloaded now as I've recently been having issues...Its why I write to get things down & vent. I've hit my head too much & 2 hits have me concerned so I'm trying to get it checked as well as everything else...but refferals for tests are a B** to get. However I should just set a day to spend a whole day at the hospital cuz I know it'll be forever in the waiting room.

I was diagnosed with "paranoid schizophrenia" w/ depression & anxiety, ptsd or conflict sensitive. A lot of fam has mental issues it seems. Think I'm the only one diagnosed with mental illness but the eldest 2 boys should definitely get tested out for it too if they haven't seen a doctor already. There's alot of resentment from my family toward my mother cuz of her behavior in the past. As a God fearing woman I know better & choose to Honor my mom the best of my ability even if our relationship is strained, I know it's not her fault & it's the devil's work. She like my siblings are equally messed up by how our parents raised us, it's an viscous cycle of torture that needs to end, there's no love coming from most family & it makes me sick, family is supposed to stick together but we were left in the dust cuz they don't wanna deal with her. I believe the evil one has a grasp on people in many different ways, whether it be mental illness or hatred he causes havoc in everything he can, has a grasp on the people of earth. But the Father controls the universe, our story is prewritten & is a domino effect. My deja vu I've theorized it's like a time lapse of some kind, parallel universes...I have seen my reflection move without me, hope to God I haven't lived it already over & over that would be hell to me 🫤 Although never a dull moment that's for sure, oh if I could do it all over again ..... idk if I'd want to lol.

Fighting me on stuff & won't listen, u have to have the patience of a saint. Doesn't like being proven wrong, very stubborn, mixed w/bipolar..gets angry. She keeps comparing me to my grandma. Think she's more mentally fked up than I am from her past too but I'm no psychologist. Luckily I raised myself to be better than that in this gen, self aware, I use logic & understanding but do stupid sh*t sometimes lol especially when in love...I wanna break the cycle cuz it's a complete sh*t show. I don't want to be held back & torn down by family again & again just seems like even she doesn't care about me either sometimes, & I'm right back to being a little girl & being screamed or cursed at constantly. How do u heal in that either, theres nowhere else to go..wonder why didnt I want to come back from Vegas. I'd rather be where the action & adventure is lol. Nobody gets me or nobody understands what I've been through and I really want to tell my story because I am always attacked by family and sometimes friends for being too much of this, or too much of that, always shut down or put down. I understand people's opinion but I don't really take opinions as fact, I take facts as facts and what I go through in my mind is facts I don't need someone to tell me that I'm crazy or "off my meds" when I do take meds everyday, because it's an insult to my intelligence. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

And today I came to a starting discovery.

Seems I may need to check my mom for Alzheimer's/Dementia, think it's worse than I thought. She keeps having fits/episodes of memory loss & blaming me for things, thinks I touched her phone to change it to dark mode today but it's been that way for a month or so already & didn't believe me. Wanna snap her out of it somehow. It's not a gypsy rose situation exactly I actually care I'm just annoyed & trying to get along with her, we do most of the time & we just have eachother when everyone else has seem to be wrapped up in their own lives and more concerned about gossip & lies. She's just mentally ill, like me. And a recovering addict and it's not her fault but nobody's fault but we're still made out to be the bad guys in some way. Idc. I would rather heal and try to heal from my broken past and leave it behind me. God removes people from their life so that you can hear him better, & I'd rather that than straight negativity sent to just hurt me. The devil seems to hate my ass I swear

How to heal from the past when she won't give u room to breathe, thought i was making progress w/her, keeps buying cigs & soda everytime she has stamps or money & when she's out hits me up for money, I just got my 1st check & I'm trying to save, says I can say no but then bitches at me. I honestly don't understand her sometimes. And after the cigs are gone she's crankier which makes things worse. All the cigs she's had over maybe 2 yrs she could've had a car by now & I'm working my butt off for one, & all the food is eaten while I'm gone. Tried clensing the apt but just made her angry, mental illness or demons I can't tell sometimes.

I'm so tired I haven't slept after work yesterday & need it for brain function but I had 3 hrs to sleep b4 church this morning so decided to stay up ..idk how long I've been up actually my eyes hurt, Have 2 hopefully benign tumors in my head & she's stressing me the fk out. Church or sleep, was actually a good day. Was trying to recap to her on what I did today & I just got ready for church this morning, when did I have time to touch her phone? But doesn't listen at all & always threatens to kick me out when she's incapable of being her by herself anymore. And depending on an hour to the next day she fine again & tells me to ignore her. Fking crazy. I already have memory issues wtf happena when we both lose our damn minds. I have the choice between doing laundry to get tf outta here or watch the rewards show & rest my eyes...Bed looks good rn actually 🥱😴

[steamishot]

~32~

i'm officially 32 years old! good lord. although it doesn't feel great to age, and also see everyone around me get older, i'm excited to watch my niece and the younger generation grow up. my niece is also officially 2 years old and it's been a blessing to watch her develop and now put together like 4 words. i was fortunate to attend her birthday celebration this past sunday. the turnout was huge and i was happy to get to see family/family friends that i have not seen in sooo long.

matt and i took a red eye flight back to NYC on monday/MLK day. he returned to work on tuesday/my birthday and i felt a little blue considering i went from socializing/partying a lot to basically being on my own again. the benefit to this is i feel the most energized/rejuvenated after being in my own space. all of my skincare/hygiene products are here. the bed we're most familiar with is here. and it's also nice to have quiet time all to myself - this was pretty infrequent at home living with my family who often babysat.

the job search is becoming depressing news to me again. it's a lot of waiting, waiting, waiting. however, matt has said he's not going to renew our apartment lease this year as he'll find his way back by september. with the 4 month notice, that means he needs to get something by end of april. my friend K who is always thoughtful, sent me a 90 day self-care journal for my birthday gift. i'm trying to be diligent with this as a quick daily habit which will be useful for my interim period before moving back. habits that i've kept up daily: a few minutes of chess puzzles, and at least one duolingo lesson a day. i'm now practicing chinese instead of japanese as it is more useful to me and i just hit my 41 day streak woohoo.

this week, i'm catching up with all the work i didn't do the past month i was in LA lol. i find it really hard to focus there because i get distracted easily. i felt guilty in this past meeting because i didn't seem prepared or as invested in the work (which may be myself projecting) so i'm working hard to make up for it.

recent events & future events:

went to vegas with matt's family. this trip turned into mostly meeting up with their family friends. they treated us to AYCE sushi (which was surprisingly good), provided us an airbnb to stay in, and we ate a yummy homecooked meal at someone's bougie house one night. matt, T, and i also hung out with V a 17 year old valedictorian and we all played poker together.

checked out the sphere at vegas! it's been a looong time since i've last visited vegas, maybe 7-8 years. on average, not much has changed. but it was interesting to go again, to see what my family gets up to since they visit pretty often. my parents will be going for LNY

visited BB at her new townhouse and had a girls dinner at her place with H & BT. it was a really nice visit because we talked a lot about work related things/behind the scenes gossip (i.e. a former employee who stole hundreds of thousands worth of laptops) that i'm out of the loop with. i'm the one who enters investigatory leaves on the HR system, but i rarely know what's going on until BB fills me in. at this point, i'm really looking forward to doing a hybrid schedule because i feel so disconnected to the work i do now.

introduced SZ to classpass and attended a local yoga class together. she's been checking out a number of other local yoga studios and i'm excited to try them out with her when i'm back.

party of the year - my nieces 2nd bday lol

watched hadestown broadway yesterday with matt, seated in the 3rd row from the front. these were the best seats we've had to date for any show. i remember i watched my first broadway (aladdin) show in 2014 in the balcony seats where you could hardly see the people on stage. 10 years later- started at the back and now we here lol

will be going to figure drawing at happy medium tonight with T. the model will be nude and we'll be supplied with a drink and charcoal - i'm excited!

due to broadway week and BOGO tickets, we'll be watching sweeney todd next wed!

double date with S&I next thurs, where I will make his yummy steak. i have pretty high expectations because S mentions his steaks are better than NYC steakhouses haha

equinox hotel staycation next friday-monday. i took friday and monday off this time around so we can fully enjoy the experience

[awkward-smirks]

instagram/life rant

cw: depression, peer comparison, isolation, oldest daughter problems

don't reply or message me about this. i'm ok! 💖 just needed to write tonight and don't want to talk.

it's my yearly hiatus from instagram. went into a manic frenzy — cursing, hissing, hair pulling from frustration and need — feeling extremely desperate to deactivate my account. so i did that just now. didn't really plan for this to happen today, esp bc i posted a story earlier and felt fine, but it usually happens around this time of year (typically after the high from my late sept birthday wears off and i'm hit with seasonal depression pretty strongly.)

it kinda sucks bc i actually really love instagram. i mainly use it to post on my stories. this year, i've been keen on making lil collages for the days i go out and have fun. i usually share these w close friends, throw it into my yearly highlight, and that's it. i also use it as my main texting app for my friends bc it's easy to reach them and i like the layout for DMs. so honestly, this has been the best and most healthiest year of using the app. my handle on fomo is better, my jealousy is doing a little better, i've gotten rid of some people from my awful stupid university (the people were not awful and stupid btw, we just didn't connect past going to the same school), and i've made my profile feel so much more like me photo-wise — books and colors and food and friends and memes and even selfies now. :)

but idk. this time of year hits me really hard. i feel the clawing need to disappear, to isolate, to rip myself out of my perfectly curated group of friends and stop existing to them. maybe it's bc i can't do it irl, but the temporary relief to not exist to my social circles feels so freeing even if it's one app.

a part of me feels like i'm also deeply ashamed of where i am at life now and there's a need to hide from the pity and judgement (that i'm probably just making up). i'm not comparing myself to my friends, but personally looking inwards, i'm not happy. i'm stagnant and disgusting and i don't want people to see me this unhappy.

i don't want to really talk about it with anyone. i'm stuck and i have the kind of problems no amount of support/talks from friends will help. everyone offers to listen but i don't ever want to talk. ever. it's gotten to the point where the only friends who stay with me are the ones who let me slink away in silence and know i'll be back when i'm ok again. they don't take my privacy offensively/personally. they've watched me through my depression and have never punished me for it, never threatened to leave or find a more available best friend or argue with me about it. the bar is low but i still appreciate it bc it takes a lot of trust and patience.

it's like ... i don't need people to help me out of my sadness. i need people to stay at a distance and wait. no words, no trying to make me feel better. just silent patience as i pull myself out. it just takes time. usually a few months, usually through the holidays. i'll still routinely call and they'll pretend like i'm ok while we talk and then we'll hang up and they'll wait until i come back. but the kindness to pretend - that's what i need.

but yeah. i'm unhappy. i'm very stuck in life. i want to throw up and lay down and sleep until i get it all out of me. until the sadness leeches out. until i wake up and my head isn't so foggy, when i'm not looking for my next distraction. i want to drive. i want to move away. i want to leave and be closer to my best friends. i love my city. i love my family. i rep both so hard. i just need a fucking break.

my parents want me to learn to drive and they really don't understand that once that happens, i'm not coming back for a long time. i love them. but if i don't do something to grow, my mind will rot here in my childhood room in my childhood twin sized bunk bed and the dresser from my dead grandmom fashioned into a desk for my 25-year-old self.

but that's enough of that. back to what i started this post about:

i deactivated instagram. i will escape for a little bit, and then i'll be back when i can pull myself together just enough to be presentable again.

[neo-shitty]

hope you dont mind me popping in to your inbox to scream abt whc1 bc you are truly the only person out of my friend circle that has watched it 😭😭 first of all

facts. he can do no wrong.

second of all its been days and i am still processing like this has never happened to me before ?? usually i am a lil :// until the rest of the day when i finish a sad drama but with this im just so heartbroken still. yesterday during a big mental breakdown (unrelated to the drama i am not THAT crazy ok) i realised why it hit me so hard and i think its bc i somehow relate to sieun (anger issues and all /j) and so i somehow projected into his character and so when it all went down with suho i just couldnt deal w it ?? I LEGIT HAD A MINI PANIC ATTACK it felt like it was happening to me 😭😭😭 like he was such comfort for me. he broke the cycle of loneliness and stereotype for sieun and i just really adored each interaction they had. the fact that they would both kill and die for each other makes me bawl my eyes out.

but when it all comes down to it, i understand beomseok, i really do, but i also dont. i dont think ill ever forgive that character, i just cant. i cant imagine how it must have felt for him and i couldnt be able to deal w life either if i was in his shoes, but my brain just cant grasp the lengths he went to hurt people that did nothing but care for him and tried to help him with everything. he's a complex character for sure, one you have to analyze to get, but i dont have it in me to have a single ounce of sympathy after the ending of the drama.

but to think that the parents and the adults were truly at fault here ?? beomseok being abused, sieun abandoned and neglected, suho not really having parents around either (i read somewhere that they are canonically abroad or something?? not too sure), the policemen not taking sieun seriously at first, the teachers seeing the shit happening and not doing anything to stop the bullying... where were everyones parents when all those kids got caught up w the gang? its truly sickening and heartbreaking to think that this truly could be happening anywhere and to anyone.

and it broke me so much bc i could accept beomseok drifting away from them and stuff, but to gang up on suho on his fucking birthday? sieun cooking and decorating with young yi and taking pics for her insta (i strongly believe her and sieuns friendship is SO underrated they were so cute together) and both of them just hid it from everyone to protect suho,, their sunshine ??? the poor boy must have been so confused and lonely on his bday and it makes me :( and then when he saw sieuns cast and went to avenge him ?? I read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.

also i find it funny how i found the drama through a clip on tiktok where jihoon cried at watching the last scene where sieun breaks the window and i was like oh this should be just the right amount of sad for me rn and then i got emotionally damaged. :,)

yeah anyways my fav trope is found family and FUCK all of those who hurt my sunshine bc now im forever heartbroken.

sorry for the rant toffee but it did felt cathartic to write this all out

bar, please don't worry about it. feel free to come back any time you have to yell about it and i'll try to get back to you as soon as i can.

sooho was just too easy to love. we headed into that show blind HAHA we should've known it was too good to be true! i never saw it coming actually.

same !! took me days to get over this too. *hugs* i'm sorry about the mental breakdown, i hope you're feeling a bit better now !! oh the projection must've made the whole thing twice as hard. again, sooho was such a comfort character :( his happy go lucky nature was such a breath of fresh air esp when the themes occasionally got dark. i want that dynamic for me actually (to kill and die for each other, yes). i usually find it corny but it was so well executed here.

oh bumseok :( i think it's valid to simultaneously understand him but at the same time, find what he did unforgivable. i get where he was coming from and how he was just looking for a place to fit in—where he wasn't looked down on. idk how to describe it but when he started misreading the situation (like that whole bit abt sooho not following him on ig but following young yi), i think something in him snapped. he was so fed up with being helpless at home and at his previous school that when it happened a third time, he did everything to get back and lashed out.

I 100% BELIEVE THE ADULTS WERE ABSOLUTE SHITTIEST NEGLIGENT FUCKERS AROUND. like???? leaving a scamming syndicate to be dealt with by high schoolers?????? bumseok's fake ass politician dad??????? sure, sieun's parents were 'present' but emotionally distant, like check on your kids bitches or not have them at all god dAMN. i thought some of the aspects of the bullying were exaggerated bc from where i'm from it never gets that bad but hearing that to an extent, it was truthful about it just left me dumbfounded. how could parents allow things like this to happen under the radar? it's unbelievable and heartbreaking to me.

yeah, i thought bumseok would just join his cool boy squad but he really had to do whatever the fuck he did :D my girl, i know you read my tags and i was vile as fuck towards him but at the time i was just so angry too. also yes! youngyi and sieun's friendship <3 i wish they had more time </3 and honestly, if bumseok didn't do a whole 180, i think the four of them would make such a cute squad. like the way they would protect each other??? hmp :/

'i read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.' i saw that the other day and that broke me to fucking hell i could sell anyone's soul to see them together again (SPECIFICALLY, with the other one being fine and out of comatose yes i would love that for me.

ohhh, i've been meaning to watch that vid of them reacting to whc1 but at the time it didn't have subs. jihoon's acting was so fucking effective like??? the sadness the eyes of that man has can sway me to do anything !! so sorry that you got so much more than just a little sad bout. heading into this drama blind was like bringing a knife to a whole war.

this show made me realize that tragedy could strike any pairing on any show and i wouldn't bat an eye but have the same happen to a found family and then i'm instantly destroyed. THE SHOW ACTUALLY REMINDED ME OF YOUR CHENJI FIC????? FUCK. please do let me know if you ever get around to writing something related to them haha i'm ready to be destroyed.

please do not ever apologize for ranting especially about this show !! i went through this whole phase ALONE last year (watching it after christmas was the biggest mistake, i ended my year DEPRESSED as FUCK) so i'm offering as much help as i can.