#for me it meant that someday for no fault of your own your family and loved ones could love you less until they actually loathe you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

coldeternalarchive · 7 months ago

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WELCOME TO THE FAMILY

“You’re all set up.”

It was just past noon and Zack had been working since seven that morning, but the bike was fixed. He rolled the motorcycle out to the sidewalk with all the care he took in handling things that were not his. “Can I go ahead and run your card for the full amount?”

“Oh yeah, I got paid this morning, the money’s there.” The man took the bike from Zack, the name ‘Haner” glinting in bright gold script on the back of his leather jacket as he turned. “You know, you could always come join us and ride some night. Anytime, not just night.” He brushed back his black hair that was straight and several inches longer than Zack’s own emo cut and slid the sunglasses from his head down to the bridge of his nose.

“Maybe someday. Another time.” Zack promised, catching his reflection in the mirrored lenses, five foot nine, maybe one hundred and fifteen pounds if he was wearing boots, hair purple and black, black eyeliner over purple and pink shadow that made him look slightly malnourished and ill.

“Whatever, you’ve been saying that the entire time I’ve been coming here. You know, parts of you are gonna fall off if you don’t get back on the bike. It’s a medical fact.”

Zack just shook his head and the other man changed the subject.

“Hey, I’m thinking about getting a bike for my sister, she turns fourteen in a few months. First I’m going to teach her to ride like me, then I’m gonna teach her to hack computers like me. That’s what my parents get for having kicked me out at the tender, impressionable age of twenty one.”

“That was four years ago, get over it!”

“Dude, paying rent sucks balls! Anyway can you keep your eye out for a dirt bike?”

“Yeah sure. I could probably even do some graphics on it for ya if you’ll let me know what she’s into.”

“Fucking awesome, man. Hey have you checked the heating system in this joint?”

Zack’s bike shop had been open only ten months and all of those months had been summer.

“We got a cold front coming in, you’ll want to keep at least one bay door sort of open so people know you’re....you know...OPEN. So you’re gonna need some heat. Don’t want little Zacky’s sausage fingers freezing off the way his dick is gonna fall off from not riding.”

“Fuck you, Brian. Thes sausage fingers fixed that, useless bike of yours! Not my fault you can’t steer for shit and you keep wrecking.”

“Just giving the weather report to my little buddy!” He reached over and messed up Zack’s hair. “Don’t want you to freeze or have to keep all the bay doors shut and hang a bed sheet outside that says I ASSURE YOU WE ARE OPEN.”

“I’m not even supposed to be here today!” Mimicked Zack.

“Help!! Call the cops! This guy’s trying to kill me!”

Zack and Brian turned around to see a kid running at them holding a fourth of a hard roll sandwich in one hand and a slim backpack in the other. He was smaller than even Zack which meant he was way smaller than Brian. He had a blond buzzcut that appeared to be spray painted black in places and was wearing a faded Vans tshirt and jeans that hung off him like they belonged to someone else. He and Brian sized each other up before the kid jumped behind Brian to hide.

“You gotta protect me!”

“First of all, I ain’t gotta do shit! Second of all, are you mental? There’s no one after you.”

“I got a jump on ‘em, they’re behind me....somewhere! Seriously, give me a hand!”

“I‘m not getting dirty for someone I don’t know.” Brian sniffed. “Beat it, kid!”

“Do you know who runs this shop?” The kid pointed to the inside of Zack’s garage. “Maybe he’ll let me hide!”

“Me and no I won’t.”

“You?”

“Yes me! Do I have to look like a Hell’s Angel to run a bike shop?!” It wasn’t often Zack ran into someone who was shorter than he was and it was fun staring down the kid and watching him squirm.

“I know he looks like a model for Hot Topic, he looks like he could be in AFI, no autographs, please, but yeah it’s HIS place!” Brian laughed.

“Can I hide in there?! Please?”

“NO!!” Zack and Brian yelled in unison.

“Look, if you want us to be your bodyguards, you gotta pay us!” Brian said as the kid danced nervously from one foot to the other, peering around Brian’s well muscled arms.

“t..I don’t have any money!”, the kid whined. “Uh..ham sandwich?” He held up the bit of bread and meat he was holding.

“Get that shit outta here!” Brian swatted it out of his and and the kid’s face fell like a toddler who had dropped his ice cream cone.

“There he is!!!”

Zack and Brian spun around and saw two guys about their own age thundering around the corner at the far end of the street.

“Ahhhh!” The kid screamed and took off running, the older boys half a block behind him, in hot pursuit.

“Wow, never a dull moment.” Brian started his bike and waved to Zack as he merged into traffic.

“Of course I own this shop...:” Zack grumbled to himself as he walked back into the familiar smell of motor oil and tires. “Can’t a guy with purple hair own a shop? Do I have to look like...like..Kerry fucking King?!”

Zack was not only one of the few pretty boys to have a shop of his own, he was the only pretty boy he knew who could also fix anything from a Harley to a BMW bike. He also knew he had to be the only bike mechanic on earth who did not ride. He didn’t own a bike, he didn’t own a car, he walked or took the bus, or sometimes got rides from friends. On one hand this made life pretty simple and all his profits could go right back into his shop and his living quarters upstairs. On the other hand people just didn’t seem to trust a mechanic that didn’t ride. It wasn’t like he had never been on a bike, but it had been years.

The one saving grace was that Zack was competent, he was fast, and he saw no need to bilk anyone for non-essential repairs. Despite looking like he was still fifteen, he was well into his twenties and even though he did not actively ride he understood the inner workings of bikes. He single handedly fixed them quickly and with no fanfare and they stayed fixed because he used quality parts, took his time and did not cut corners. Well, Brian’s bike never stayed fixed but that was because he insisted on riding drunk, and he was drunk a lot. He was the best customer Zack had.

There was one more bike to fix, but the owner worked late and wouldn’t be coming for it until seven at night so Zack took his time on it. Brian programmed video games by day and was a hacker for hire at night so he pretty much set his own hours. Zack had been on his own for a year now and was happy to be self sufficient after having to depend on his parents far longer than he had ever planned. He ran upstairs to his loft space, grabbed a premade sandwich and a soda, hurried back down lest he miss a potential customer, then ate quickly and got started on the bike.

Working straight through the afternoon, he finished the bike with thirty minutes to spare. He washed up and waited for the customer to arrive. The customer came in, paid, took the bike and Zack made about three hundred dollars in profit. This was added to the hundred and twenty five in profit he made from Brian (he always cut his friends a price break, even people like Brian who had more money than they knew what to do with most days). He closed up and decided to get something to eat. Some nights he was so tired it was all he could do to walk the stairs to his loft, throw a box in the microwave and eat before collapsing in bed. His freezer was full of frozen food, not the most nutritious thing on earth but Zack hadn’t put on weight since puberty so he couldn’t see a problem with it. Still tonight he felt like being waited on. Remembering what Brian said, he turned on the heater, both in the shop and upstairs, locked up, grabbed a jacket, set the alarm and set out on foot to find a place to eat.

Brian had actually been right, Zack mused as an icy cold wind, the first of the season, began to howl around the corners of the boulevard, making him put on his jacket and zip it all the way to the neck. Since he worked through dinner time, he could actually write this off as a business expense and he stopped inside a bar and grill several blocks down and treated himself to a steak and an imported beer, using his small business account card and making sure to get a receipt for his records. He had learned this tip from his dad.

A light rain had begun to fall and it was soothing to look at while he ate and glanced out through the restaurant windows, but maybe not so good to walk home in. He paid his check and opened the door, still lost in the mental debate on getting a cab or not. Little did he know it was about to be answered for him.

As he walked back out into the cold, which had somehow managed to get even colder while he had been inside, he tripped over something just outside the doorway. Looking down he let out a few choice curses before he saw it was a person he had tripped over.

“What the hell are you doing on the ground?!” The figure shrank back into the shadows, huddling closer against the building for warmth. It’s head was down and it was curled up, knees to it’s forehead, shivering in a thin t shirt and clutching a slim backpack. Zack stopped. “Hey, you alright?” There was no answer, Zack looked at the shirt. ‘...that’s a Vans shirt, it’s gotta be the kid I saw earlier.’ “Hey!” Zack tapped him on the shoulder and the kid looked up. His eyes were blackened and reduced to slits, blood had crusted from running his nose into his split lip. As Zack stared he could see cuts on his head as well. The blond buzz cut with the black splotches, he could see it now.

“Hey, what are you doing out here? Do you want me to call somebody for ya? Can I take you someplace?”

“Would I be out here in the fucking freezing cold if I had anywhere to go?!” The kid burst out, sounding on the verge of tears and ducking his head again. “Leave me alone, I’m fine. Go away.”

“Dude, no...” Zack closed his eyes, feeling guilt drop on heavily upon him. The boy didn’t seem to recognize him as the person who’d refused him help earlier or if he did, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. “You’re hurt and it’s freezing. When was the last time you had a meal?”

“Nineteen Ninety-fucking Seven! Go away! What do you care?”

“Ok comedian, I’m gonna pull you up so don’t fight me. I don’t mean to hurt you. Can you stand?”

“Seriously?” The kid’s teeth were chattering as he tried to answer, making him stutter. I just got nice and comfy down here.”

“I’m not leaving you here.” Zack leaned down, got a good grip on the kid’s skinny arms and pulled.

“Ow! Fuck, okay already, I’m getting up. I’ll find another corner.”

“No, I’m not shooing you away, I’m trying to get you out of the cold.”

“Hey....Mr. Hot Topic!” The kid grinned, looking Zack in the face for the first time. He slung the backpack over his shoulder but it obviously didn’t have much of anything in it by the way it floated weightlessly against him.

“That’s me. Normally we would walk but you don’t look like you can and I can’t carry you, though you look skinnier than I am and that’s saying something. I’ll get us a cab.”

“Where?”

“My garage.”

“Oh you wanna let me in now? Wow, that’s just great! Thanks.”

Zack held the kid up by the shoulder with one hand and hailed a cab with the other. He pulled the boy into the backseat with him and six minutes later he was back fumbling with his keys, trying to keep the boy on his feet and punch in his security code. He closed and locked the door behind them, flipped a switch and one fourth of the lights hummed to life. He could instantly tell the difference between the temperature inside and out and was glad he had put on the heat. The loft and garage were so big, he had really only planned on using a few space heaters, but had never gotten around to buying them. To run central heat would be expensive but for one or two nights it couldn’t hurt.

“Okay I’m gonna walk you over to the bathroom---.”

“Dude, you’re not gonna rape me, are you?”

“NO! I am not going to rape you! I need to wash you up---.”

“That sounds pretty dirty to me....”

“Yeah, okay it sounds awkward but you are covered in blood and dirt and I sweat I think I saw asphalt embedded in your head. It’s big enough, you can spend the night there. There’s a sink there, you’re right there if you have to pee, the door has a lock, and its small enough that it will heat up pretty quick. After I clean you up and bandage you, you can lock the door from the inside and go to sleep.” The kid didn’t reply so he walked him over to the bathroom, was careful to turn on the light first and then set him down as gently as he could. “Okay, stay here, I’ve gonna go get the first aid kit.”

“Yeah, like I’m in any shape to run anymore.”

Zack pulled the whole kit from the way some twenty feet away, dropped some quarters in the soda machine and pulled out a Coke, grabbed a roll of shop towels and returned to the bathroom.

“Here. Sorry I don’t have coffee.” He popped the top and held it out. “Drink some, I’ve got some aspirin here too. The kid took the can, his hands shaking and Zack could see his nails were ripped along the edges and the skin of his knuckles had been scraped off. “Looks like you gave a good fight at least.” The kid said nothing, gulping down a great deal of the soda before Zack gave him four aspirin. “Don’t worry about the floor being cold, I’ll get you something to sleep on. The boy took the aspirin and Zack unrolled the blue industrial use towels, tore off two and wet them in the sink after squirting some antibacterial soap on them. He then sank down on the concrete floor next to his guest.

“What’s your name? Mine’s Zack Baker.”

“Johnny. Just Johnny.”

“Okay Just Johnny, this is gonna hurt a little because you are dirty as shit.”

“You keep sounding like a porno.”

Johnny balled his hands into fists and tucked them tightly against his jeans and Zack set about trying to clean him up as quickly as possible. Through it all the kid said nothing.

“Okay, let that dry off and give me your hands.”

“What for?!”

“Ok, you can wash your hands yourself then.”

“......oh....” Johnny hesitated and then held out his hands and let Zack wash them with a wet towel.

“Okay here’s the deal. You can sleep here tonight. I’m gonna get you something to eat and something to sleep on.”

“So you wouldn’t let me in the door before, but now you’re just gonna leave me here?!”

“I’m sorry about that, I really am. I know you asked me for help earlier and I told you to get lost. I thought maybe you’d robbed somebody, I didn’t want to get involved. And I’m not really abandoning you, I live upstairs.”

“I stole a sandwich.”

“What?”

“The guy walked off and left it on his table and he was gone a long time. I thought he left it and I was just....I hadn’t had anything to eat but scraps all week---.”

“Scraps?” Zack interrupted.

“You know, from dumpsters.”

Zack swallowed, his heart falling further into his stomach.

“So fuck it, I figured someone would just come up and throw it away and hell I was just cutting out the dumpster part and taking care of it for them. But the guy came back, apparently he was just going outside to meet some friends. So I was busted. He wasnt very understanding.”

Zack gestured toward the kid.

“This was done over a fucking sandwich?”

“Yeah. It was almost worth it.”

Zack could feel himself wanting to cry. He started to pat Johnny’s leg and then thought better of it and turned away, swishing his mop of slanted two tone hair down across his face to hide his expression.

“Finish your soda. I’ll be right back.”

He stood up and started toward the far part of the garage where the stairs were almost completely hidden in shadow. He went first to the freezer upon unlocking the door, pulled out a macaroni and cheese dinner and three mini white Castle burgers, threw them in the microwave and set the timer. Here he was whining to himself about an electric he could easily afford to pay when this kid was eating out of trashcans. He then braved the clutter of the hall closet, rummaging until he found a sleeping bag he hadn’t used since a trip to Big Bear when he was 18. There was also a velour track suit someone in his family had given him for Christmas at some point that he would never wear in public if his life depended on it. However, it was warm and it looked about Johnny’s size. He went to the kitchen, took a trash back and threw these in, then went to his bedroom and snagged an extra pillow, stuffing it in before pulling up the drawstring on the bag. The microwave beeped and he took out food, wrapped it in paper towels and set it in a plastic grocery bag with loop handles Suddenly it didn’t look near enough. Opening up the cabinet he found granola bars, cupcakes, and some bagels he always intended to eat, but somehow always pushed aside in deference to cream cheese danish. This went into the bag too. He found a fork for the mac and cheese and glanced around to see if there was anything else. Something to drink! He opened the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water and another soda. Grabbing one bag in each hand he hurried back downstairs.

“Holy shit, you look like emo Santa!” Johnny laughed as Zack nudged the bathroom door open with his foot. “You didn’t have to do that. I could have fallen right asleep here on the floor. I sleep on the ground most nights, it’s all good.”

“No, it’s not. I’m not a Top Chef I’m afraid. Everything I eat is either in a package or frozen and ready to microwave in four minutes or less.. But I’ve got plenty of food so if you want more, I’ve got it, no sweat.” He handed over the grocery bag “I’m not a pervert, I swear, but you can’t sleep in dirty, damp clothes. You’re gonna get sick. I’ve got my washer and drier down here. If you can’t get up to put them in there yourself, just leave them outside the door and I’ll do it. You can keep the clohtes, you probably could you an extra set, or at least something warm.”

Johnny nodded, his eyes lighting up as he opening the container of mac and cheese.

“Okay, last thing, you’re not a drug addict are you?”

“Do I look like an addict?”

Zack looked him up and down before he responded.

“Is that a trick question?”

“No dude, I’m not an addict.”

“Then how’d you end up on the streets?”

“It’s safer out here than being at home. Trust me.”

“I’m sorry.” Zack mumbled. “Okay, there is nothing here you can steal, I lock up all my parts and tools, everything has an alarm on it. But I do have shit like carb cleaner, kerosine, paint thinner, shit like that. Don’t drink it, don’t huff it, got it?”

“I don’t do that shit!” Johnny’s voice was serious but he was still staring at the food like he’d just won the lottery.

“Good.” Zack turned back to the first aid kit. “Okay, got bedding in the other bag with the clothes. I’m gonna put some Neosporin on your face. If I tried to bandage every cut you’d look like the mummy.”

“The Mummy was fucking cool, dude! I liked Frankenstein better though.”

Zack grinned. “I’d love to stay down here and talk horror movies but I’ve got to get some sleep. Johnny stopped eating long enough for Zack to tend to his face and Zack went as fast as he could, feeling bad for keeping him from his food.

“Sure, sure. No, it’s great. Thank you.”

“When I lock up I’m gonna set the alarms. They work on motion sensors so stay away from the door and windows. Sleep all you want. You can keep the door shut and locked if you want. I can always go back up to my place to go to the bathroom tomorrow if you’re still asleep. I don’t usually start to get busy until eleven except on Friday and Monday. If you want, go ahead and change into the clothes, throw your stuff outside the door and I’ll dump it in the wash. Goodnight, Just Johnny. Sweet dreams.”

“Thanks for the food. Thanks for everything.” Johnny barely looked up as he finished the mac and cheese and grabbed for the burgers. It occurred to Zack that he would probably eat everything in the bag at once. He made a mental note to get groceries before he opened and order lunch delivered so he could take extra with him.

Zack stepped out of the bathroom and made sure everything was shut and locked up. He checked the temperature on the thermostat and turned it up another degree. He cut the light and set the alarm and as he turned around he heard the clothes hit the floor with a plop. He scooped them up and dropped them in the washer, adding extra soap and setting it on heavy like he did for his work clothes. With one more glance at the closed bathroom, fluorescent lights still flickering and shooting out a beam from the slit underneath, he turned and went up to his own apartment and to bed.

Chapter two

Zack awoke early the next morning, two hours before the shop was to open. He dressed warmly, made coffee to go and tiptoed downstairs. The light in the bathroom was out and the door was closed. He unarmed the alarm, slipped out and locked and armed everything again. Two streets down was a small grocery store where he shopped. With Johnny in mind he bought a box each of granola bars and oatmeal bars, then some cheese and crackers and peanut butter and crackers. He thought about fruit, but fruit was easily bruised and would spoil. That gave him the idea for dried fruit and he bought half a pound of that. He tried to think of something light and easy to carry that would not get damaged but there were few options. He bought small cans of vienna sausages and some beef jerky. When the bag started getting heavy to carry he knew it was enough, and didn’t want to weigh Johnny down, even if it was with food he clearly needed.

Johnny did not come out of the bathroom until after ten am, he walked out in the track suit and bare feet, glancing around apprehensively though no one was having anything repaired just yet.

“Hey, how’d you sleep?” Zack asked, coming out from behind a counter that held a computer, cash drawer, phone and credit card machine.

“Amazing. Thank you. Haven’t slept that hard in a while.”

“Your clothes are ready but you might want to throw your shoes in the dryer. Dry socks won’t help if your shoes are still wet.”

“Okay.” Johnny went back to get his sneakers. “You need any help or anything? You know, around here?” Johnny walked over to the dryer, pulled out his clothes, tossed the sneakers in and turned it on.

“Do you know anything about engines or gears?”

Johnny shook his head, looking down. “No but I can clean, I can put things away. I could probably learn how to assist you, what tools are what if you want to show me.”

“I’ll think about that. I went to the store and bought you a few things, food, snacks, stuff you can carry around that won’t go bad.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s all right. I wanted to. You seem like a good kid.”

“So where’s your bike?” Johnny looked around the shop as he spoke.

“Oh, I don’t ride.”

“You serious? That’s like teaching other people to play guitar when you yourself don’t play isn’t it?”

“More like building them, but yeah. Well I have before, a long time ago.”

“Why’d you stop?”

“That’s a very long story.” Zack sighed. “Not one for a day when customers could be coming in and out. Some night when ya can’t sleep, come by and I’ll tell ya. Where DO you usually sleep anyway?” Zack asked as Johnny’s shoes flopped around the dryer like fish on dry land

“Well about eight blocks behind here in the residential section there’s this guy who works from eleven at night. I start walking over at ten or so, wait for his lights to go off once he’s there, and then climb in the back of his pick up and sleep.”

“Does he know you do this?”

“No.” Johnny shrugged.

Zack shook his head in amazement at the risks he was taking.

“I wake up when the sun is overhead. I haven’t gotten caught yet.”

“Do you drink coffee? I got one of those fancy Keurig things. You’d be amazed how many bikers love lattes.”

“Hell yeah, I’ll take a coffee. Coffees are like three bucks apiece. I can never afford that!” Johnny followed Zack over to the corner next to a small waiting area. “So do you get any chicks coming in here?”

”Not that many so far. I’ve only been open for a year. I’ve waited on maybe three. You’d think I‘d get more, looking like a girl and all. I guess girls only want gay guys as their hair dressers, not their mechanics.”

Johnny opened his mouth, then closed it without answering as Zack unlocked a cabinet and took down and plugged in a compact coffee maker in metallic cherry red.

“Okay, caramel, cinnamon, hazelnut, mint or vanilla?”

“Uh...caramel?”

“Good choice. The hazelnut sucks but I’ve got a gang member that swears by it.”

“So do you make a lot doing this? You must. Look at this place! Did you go to school?”

“Well I’m trying to pay for the building so a lot of what I make goes back to the business loan, but I do okay. Especially since I live upstairs, I’m only paying one rent instead of two. I didn’t attend class, but I read all the books and taught myself, then went down, took the tests and go certified on each type of bike by the manufacturer. That took money to do, but now I make money because I have proof I can fix those bikes. “ Zack handed Johnny a styrofoam cup of cappuccino. “In about five years I’ll really be set.” He started a cup for himself. “How old are you, Just Johnny?”

“Twenty one!” Johnny stood up taller and stuck out his chin, taking a drink.

“The fuck you are! You look like you’re twelve!” Zack burst out laughing. “Seriously now, how old are you?”

“Nineteen!” Johnny insisted, only slightly less confidently.

“Let me see your driver’s license then.” Zack held out his hand.

Just then the door opened and in walked Zacks first customer of the day, an older man about the same age as Zack’s dad with 2001 F Series BMW bike. It was in need of a new fuel gauge, tank and exhaust. After approving Zack’s estimate he said he had a daughter with a Vespa scooter that needed and new clutch and an oil change, could he bring it by when he picked up the Beamer? Zack said that was fine and began to type up the work order for the customer to sign while Johnny stepped back into the shadows and tried to be inconspicuous. Zack estimated the BMW to be a four hour job. The man said he could come back after work at six pm, signed the paperwork and left.

Johnny stepped back from where the washer and dryer were kept, sneakers on his feet. He was holding the rest of his clothes.

“I guess I should get out of here, let you work. Johnny sounded deflated as he turned to the bathroom to get his backpack.

“You don’t have to go. I could show you a few things if you want.”

“Really?” Johnny whirled around, grinning.

“Sure, if you want. Never hurts to know how to fix things.”

“Okay, just let me clean up the bathroom in case someone else comes in.” In the doorway Zack could see Johnny folding the sleeping bag, putting the food in the backpack along with his clothes and stacking the pillow on top of the sleeping bag and his backpack on top of the pillow. Zack set out unlocking all the different drawers of tools and parts, got on the phone and put in an order for the parts he’d need to be delivered and threw a drop cloth on the nearly spotless concrete floor. He wheeled the bike over on it and circled it, holding a wrench.

“Pretty close.” Zack said eyeing the machine up and down, continuing to prowl around it. “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. Since you don’t know the parts yet, I’m gonna take each thing off and drop it in a pan of degreaser. You shake the pan up, take each part, wipe it off, make sure all the gunk is cleaned out, and put it on the other side of the drop cloth according to size. What I need, once the other parts get here, I’ll put back, the rest I’ll show you where to put it for scrap.” Zack returned to the cabinet from where he’d taken the Keurig and pulled out a satellite radio receiver, turned it to a classic metal station, the unlocked more cabinets, producing the degreaser and sat it and a bowl down on the floor. Johnny poured the degreaser in until the bowl was half full and Zack crouched down next to the bike, beginning to strip off the parts. An hour later the two of them were ankle deep in nuts and bolts and screws. The air was a mixture of heat from the central unit on the roof and cold from the half open bay door, heavy with the astringent tang of cleaner and solvent.

“That is the GAYEST track suit I have ever seen!”

Both Johnny and Zack snapped to attention to find Zack’s pal Brian bundled up in a Jack Skellington skull cap and matching scarf and leaning on the counter. Zack and Johnny both sod up, working the kinks from their legs and eyeing Brian.

“Holy shit, dude. What happened to your face? It’s the tracksuit isn’t it? Isn’t there like gay fashion police or anything? Gay eye for the gay tracksuit wearing guy?”

“You wouldn’t stop two guys from trying to kill me even though I asked for your help! That’s what happened!” Johnny snapped.

“Oh shit, that was you? I didn’t know you knew Zack.”

“I don’t.” Johnny pushed past Brian to retrieve his pack from just inside the bathroom door.

“Hey, its alright! He’s not gonna hurt you or anything. You don’t have to go.” Zack wiped his hands on a towel and took a step toward Johnny.

“Thanks for your help and the food. Thank you. Just for giving a shit.” Johnny hurried out the front door, down the street without looking back. Brian said nothing, his expression showing he knew he must have done something wrong but was at a loss to figure what.

“I...I didn’t come to start trouble. Matt wiped out last night coming off the freeway at first street.”

“What?! Shit, is he okay??”

“He didn’t have to go to the hospital but the gun shop will have to do without him for a few days. He’s not gonna be able to get out of bed for a while. He’s scraped all to hell and sore as fuck. He’ll be okay though. He wanted to see if you’d look at his bike. I brought it over in the back of his truck.”

“Well I’ve got two customers ahead of him, but of course I’ll look at it.”

“What’s the story with the kid?” Brian nodded to the door.

“Those guys chasing him? They were chasing him because he took a sandwich they had left on their table that he didn’t think they were coming back for. He’d been eating out of a dumpster for two days and an abandoned sandwich was just too tempting.”

Brian said nothing, stunned. Finally he bit his lip and slipped a lock of hair back under his cap.

“Fuck. Well, I’m gonna bring in the bike.”

There wasn’t much Zack could do in the interim fifty seconds or so it took Brian to pull down the crashed bike and wheel it in, but he started Brian some cofee anyway.

“Jesus!” Zack swore as he saw the bike. “Is Matt really okay? Be honest.”

“Dude, he’s gonna be fine. I wouldn’t lie to you, unless you asked me if I was drunk, then I probably would, though I’m not now.” Brian grinned and accepted the cup of coffee. “I can take you to see him if you want.”

“Nah.” Zack sighed. “I got too much to do here right now. Just let him know I asked.”

“Back to the kid? Is he helping you out now?”

“Eh, I don’t know.” Zack shrugged. “I went out to Molly’s after I saw you, got steak and a pint of Guiness. I’m leaving and the kid is there laying in the doorway, it’s freezing cold and raining, the kid has no jacket, just that t shirt he was in yesterday---”

“Oh shit! The gay tracksuit! That was yours?!” Brian started laughing and nearly choked on his coffee.

“Yeah, it’s okay, it was ugly! Why do you think I gave it to someone else?! But fuck man, it’s warm, you know? So he spent the night in the garage. We talked a little, I got him cleaned up, gave him a bunch of food. I just felt so bad. He’s seems like an okay kid. He was sort of hinting about asking for a job but I have no idea how old he is and he’d never worked on a bike before. I just felt bad, dude. That could have been any of us, any time.”

“Hey!! Speaking of that!! I think they’re letting Jimmy out of jail next week---If he doesn’t fuck

w/ anyone else. I’ve been pleading with him to please, please please just behave and do what they tell him . I really think if he fucks up again, they’re just gonna lock his ass in the state hospital.”

Zack shook his head emphatically at the thought.

“I’ve known too many kids that ended up there. They weren’t even crazy when they went in, but they were fucking insane, like bat shit crazy when they came out because of the drugs they gave ‘em.”

“I think Jimmy’s actually trying to get in FOR the drugs. You know, it IS free.”

Zack slapped his forehead with his palm.

“Words fail me. Tell him to chill the fuck out. I got you drinking, Matt crashing, Jimmy in jail and a homeless kid I think I wanna adopt.”

“Good luck with that. Don’t trust these street kids, you’ll end up with your kidneys taken out or some shit.” Brian glanced out the door. “You know Matt doesn’t like anyone driving his truck so I’d better get it back before he thinks I wrecked it. I’ll tell him you’re worried about him.”

“Don’t make it sound so gay.”

“But it is.”

“That is COMPLETELY beside the point.” Zack laughed and Come on man, you know Matt, piss him off and you’ll get the silent treatment for months.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll catch ya later.” Brian waved as he walked out the door. As Brian walked out the delivery guy walked in with the parts for the BMW. Zack signed for them and then risked a few moments staring at Matt’s wrecked Kawasaki. At least it wasn’t the Harley Matt kept saying he’d buy one day, to wreck a Harley was damn near unforgivable. He’d text Matt later, not wanting to wake him if he’d managed to get some good pain killers. He took a breath and went back to work on the BMW. He worked through lunch like he usually did if he was busy, taking his time and not rushing, making sure every part was cleaned and put back in place, tightened as much as it could be before moving on to the next.

The sun had gone down just as he finished. It was now freezing and he closed the bay door entirely to keep warm. With one job done he could start to catalog the repairs on Matt’s bike. One fender was gone, the frame was bent as was the rim of the front tire, there was a hole in the radiator and the gear shift was hanging loose. Zack could feel his breath catch in his throat just looking at it. The opening of the front door made him jump and the customer with the BMW came to retrieve it and bring in his daughter’s Vespa. He paid with a platinum credit card and even insisted on giving Zack a tip. As soon as he was gone Zack began preparing to close. When he was sure no one else was coming in, he turned off the lights and texted Matt.

Instantly his cell rang.

“Hey.” Matt sounded groggy but it was still good to hear his voice.

“Are you okay? What happened? I got your bike by the way. I’ve got one repair before it and its going to need some welding, sanding, a new fender and new gear shift....are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ve been hurt a lot worse. I was exiting last night and this dick didn’t yield to me. My head wasn’t really in the game and I didn’t realize it until I had to swerve hard to keep from hitting him. Asshole didn’t even stop to see if I was okay, but if he had I would have beat his ass anyway. I’m hurt but nothing’s broken.”

“It’s good to hear your voice.”

The other end of the line was silent, Zack had no idea if this confession pleased him or not.

“Brian said you were worried. It’s okay. I’ll be laid up a few days. Already got the time off from the shop. I’m gonna be all right.”

“Good, I’m glad. I’m locking up so I’ll let you get some sleep. Thanks for calling.”

“Thanks for asking about me. “ Matt hung up without further conversation.

Zack felt his heart swell a bit, then deflate. He took a look around, locked the door and closed out the register. Almost no one paid cash these days so there was nothing to deposit, just get the credit card transactions sent to the bank and the numbers reset for the next day. Zack was still thinking of Matt when the bite of cold from under the bay doors broke his reverie as he clicked the locks in place. Where was Johnny? Had he found a place to stay? Zack walked over to the door, opened it and peered down the street. He looked right and just as he was about to turn left he bumped into someone.

“Dude!! I was just thinking about you. You got a place to stay tonight?”

“Not really. You said when you had time you’d tell me the story of why you don’t ride bikes. I figured maybe I could come back after hours and.....well fuck, I’m freezing and I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

Zack found himself smiling and stepping back to let Johnny enter. Johnny was still wearing the ugly powder blue warm ups, still clutching his back pack.

“Okay we’re gonna do something a little different tonight. I’ve got two bikes down here. I can’t let you stay down here with them. I just...I don’t know you and I can’t risk it. As he talked he put up the radio and the coffee maker. “So, would you be willing to leave your backpack and the jacket----because it has pockets---down here and come spend the night on my couch? I don’t have much steal and you can only fit so much in your crotch. So I’m protected and you’re not tempted.”

Johnny looked at Zack carefully for a moment, seeming to take a while to process what Zack had just said.

“I wouldn’t steal from you, but I’m not about to turn down a warm place to stay. That’s fine.” He sat his backpack on the counter and unzipped the jacket and took it off revealing another ratty t shirt underneath.

“Cool! The sleeping bag is still in the bathroom. Go ahead and grab it and follow me.” Zack set the bottom alarm and headed for the stairs. “You didn’t have to go. I wouldn’t have let Brian start shit with you.”

“I know, I was just pissed off. He could have helped and he didn’t. I mean, I can’t blame him, but still.....I just didn’t want to be around him.”

“I can understand that.”

“I was embarrassed I couldn’t take care of myself. He probably thinks I’m a faggot.” Johnny tried to bite back the word and it left his mouth as a bit of a question. “Wow, this place is huge!” Johnny marveled as they stepped from the landing into Zack’s loft.

“It just looks this way because I don’t have any furniture.” Zack laughed, ignoring what Johnny clearly didn’t mean to say.. The space was big. He had a futon couch in the middle and a tv against one wall. The rest of the loft was open space aside from the kitchen and the door to Zack’s bedroom. There was a skylight, but that was the only natural light in the place. Zack had purchased several floor lamps and installed them each with a different color of bulb: red, green and blue. There was one lamp at the furthest corner that cast regular white light. The walls were brick, painted in vivid flourishes of paint that looked more at home on boxcars targeted by taggers than someone’s home. Zack could tell by the look on Johnny’s face that he was mesmerized. “Sorry, never got around to getting a table or chairs because I either eat on the couch or downstairs at the shop while I’m working. If I have people over they don’t mind sitting on the floor.” The floor was unfinished concrete, covered over with the type of novelty rugs you’d see for sale in empty parking lots. There were baseball team logos and motorcycles of differing brands and makes and an Angry Birds one just outside the bedroom door. “The couch isn’t huge or anything, but you can make it into a bed and it’s comfortable.” The couch was actually a black futon with a red mattress that went well with the oddly comical and spartan look of the place. “ So, you wanna know my life story, huh?”

“Yeah, I do.” Johnny smiled but he was still looking around. “You could like, split this off into three other rooms.”

“Yeah, but I like the space.”

“Yeah, reminds me of a club. I bet you have some killer parties.”

“Sometimes. Since I can’t really go out and....I don’t actually have an oven yet....want me to order us a couple of pizzas? I mean we could microwave stuff, but my microwave is small so we’d each have to wait...”

“Dude, those are like the sweetest words in the English language! Of course I wanna order a pizza.” Johnny continued to wander around, looking at the art on the walls and floor.. “I feel like I’m in a museum!”

“Go ahead and sit down. Pepperoni, beef and bacon okay?”

“Yeah, yeah! Totally. I’m no vegan, man!”

“Perfect. Just have a seat. You’re making me nervous. Turn on the tv. As soon as the food gets here I’ll tell you why I don’t ride and how I came to own this shop.” Zack made the call and sat down next to Johnny on the futon.

“Okay, you first.”

“What?” Johnny looked panicked.

“if I’m gonna be up front with you and honest and tell you my life story, you need to do the same. How old are you? And don’t lie!”

“I’m seventeen.”

“Wow...shit.”

“I can work though, I’ve had a work permit since I was fifteen.”

“Did you finish school?”

“No. Did you?”

“Yeah, with my folks it really wasn’t an option. Plus, the baseball team needed me too much, I couldn’t quit.”

“My folks didn’t care.”

“That why you split?”

“Dude, they were fifteen when they had me, and that’s cool, that’s fine, shit happens. But they never grew up. They never wanted to stop being fifteen. My house is like, someone’s house when they’re folks go out of town only my folks aren’t kids, they’re my folks.” Johnny stuck a finger in his mouth, grabbed on to the edge of a fingernail by his teeth and began to nibble it down. “Sorry.” He said when he saw Zack staring at him. “Sometimes you can trick your stomach into thinking it’s food. It’s a habit, can’t stop.”

“Dude, it’s cool, it’s not big deal.” Zack fell silent, waiting to see if Johnny divulged anything else. Finally he spoke.

“So yeah, like, I like to drink as much as anyone, but there were times in my house where that’s all there was, like no food, no milk, no nothing but vodka. They’d have these wild parties, trash the place, then beat the shit out of me the next day if I didn’t clean it up by the time they woke up from being passed out. I’ve walked in on shit you never ever wanna see your parents doing. If I wanted to live with a bunch of thugs I could have joined a gang. It would have paid better.”

“I’m sorry. I would have left too.”

“That’s it. That’s all there is to tell. Why talk about it and bring it up again? It just makes you think about it and get pissed off all over again and you can’t do shit. When I left I called the cops and left an anonymous tip that they were dealing. Which they were, I just don’t know what exactly. I never looked back.”

“Any brothers or sisters?”

“Probably, the way they both fucked around, but none I know personally.”

“Shit, I forgot I set the alarm downstairs. Let me go down and wait for the pizzas. I’ll be back as soon as they’re up.” He stopped halfway to the door and turned around. “Thank you for being honest.”

“Thanks for feeding me and not trying to rape me.”

Zack nodded thoughtfully and continued down to the shop.

Chapter Three

It took about ten more minutes for the pizza to arrive, Zack gave the delivery guy the entire tip he was given, even though it was twenty dollars more than the pizzas. He figured it was good for karma. He then locked and set the alarms again and took the pizzas upstairs. Johnny was sitting on the couch, the tv on to ESPN.

“God that smells good. And I never get to watch tv, not a whole lot of rec rooms in the shelters.”

“Did you try foster care at all?” Zack asked, dropping the boxes n the second hand coffee table that was made out of a surfboard.

“There’s a reason why I keep asking if you’re going to try and rape me.”

“Okay dude, that’s horrible. I feel so bad even asking you stuff because every answer is worse than the last. I am so sorry.”

“I do okay out here. I just miss eating sometimes.”

“No worries about that here. I was pretty chunky at one time but..” He handed Johnny some napkins and sat down next to him. “Okay I guess it’s time for my story. Dig in.” Johnny waited for him to take a slice so he did and then Johnny followed suit, a little sigh of pleasure escaping his lips.

“I’ve known Brian since high school, he was alway into riding, I was more into sports but he convinced me to get a bike and I got one for high school graduation. It wasn’t anything special, a 2009 Honda, but it ran really well. I was driving one day on a two way road with ditches on either side. An eighteen wheeler was coming from the opposite direction toward me, but that was fine. However there was another truck, a smaller truck behind it, the kind that delivers sodas or beer with the panel sides that slide up. It decided the semi was going too slow so it was going to pass it in a no passing area. He started coming right at me. He wouldn’t go back behind the 18 wheeler. There was nothing the 18 wheeler could do without rolling over or jack knifing. I thought--and the thoughts happened so quickly yet were so fully formed it was like everything around me was slow motion. i thought “Either he’ll hit me and send me right into the semi head on. I’ll die instantly. Or maybe he’ll clip me and I’ll go under the wheels. Maybe it will only crush my legs. Maybe I could live, but then maybe it would crush my chest. I couldn’t imagine how much that would hurt, and the funeral and not having an open casket. So I thought maybe I could skirt around it somehow. I wasn’t just going to willingly drive off the edge, I just couldn’t do it. Fuck, we need something to drink.” Zack got up, taking a breath and going into the kitchen.

“Jesus, dude! What happened?” Johnny looked up and accepted the can of soda.

“The guy in the smaller truck clipped me sent me over the edge, I don’t even know how far down. Again I was trying to figure out, should I hold on to the bike, will it hurt if it falls on me? It felt like I was falling forever, luckily I don’t remember landing. My last thought was that I was going to die and it would break my mom’s heart.” Zack sighed, took a bite and set down his pizza on a napkin on the table. “I woke up in the hospital, on morphine, I had landed on my side and thank god I was wearing a helmet or I’d been braindead. Everything was broken. I did not get out of that bed for a whole year.”

“I am so sorry. That’s awful. How did you do it?”

“By the time I woke up, my folks already had a lawyer. The driver was clearly at fault. I was so scared about the hospital bills, bankrupting my folks, so much to deal with. But the suit was settled out of court, I can't say what company the driver worked for, that was part of the deal. Thank god it covered my medical expenses, four surgeries in a year plus physical therapy to learn to walk and use my hand again. I started studying in the hospital, studying mechanics guides, I couldn’t do shit else. I figured life was too damn short. I came out of the closet to my folks---what the fuck could they do anyway? Kick me out? I couldn’t fucking get out of bed.”

“Dude, I would have killed myself.”

“I thought about it. If they had said straight off that it would be a full year in bed I would have tried. But it was like ‘ok we’re going to do surgery on your wrist. You’ll recover in three weeks’. Three weeks later, ‘okay we’re gonna do surgery on your leg to put that bone back together and put in some pins.’ Two months later ‘Ok your gallbladder was ruptured, let’s just take that out.’. Before I knew it a year had gone by.”

“Wow.”

“We got money from the suit but after we paid the lawyers and paid all my medical bills there wasn’t a whole lot left over. Not that it mattered, bankrupting my parents was the thing that worried me most. But sitting there in the hospital I started thinking “What if I can’t walk again?” What could I do for a living on crutches or in a chair. So I decided I wanted to fix bikes. My folks helped me out when the time came, once I’d passed all the exams and graduated mechanics school. We paid a down payment on this space with the lawsuit money and they fronted the cost of tools, furniture, etc. We kept money back, my mom was so afraid that if I could not get my own insurance right off something might happen to me again, so we kept some back for emergencies like that. I have now paid them back one fourth of what they fronted me. In five years, between paying them and paying the rest of the loan, I’ll own it outright.”

“Wow, that is fucking amazing!”

Zack smiled.

“So you can’t ride? You walk just fine. I mean, on TV Dr. House rides and he has a damn cane.” Johnny reached for his second slice of pizza while Zack was still nibbling at his first, all the memories dulling his appetite.

“Physically I probably could but I’ll never know. If I get close enough to do anything other than fix it, if I straddle one, try to start it, I panic. I feel myself falling off over the side of that ravine, flying through the air, having no idea when I was coming down or if I’d survive. For the longest time I had to be medicated just to get in a car or taxi. I’m better about that now, but I’ll never drive myself I’m afraid.”

“Don’t give up. You’ll beat it one day.”

“Or I’ll just get so rich I’ll hire a driver.”

“I’ll be your driver.”

“Ok, Just Johnny you got a deal.” Zack stuck the rest of the slice of pizza in his mouth.

“So how many guys have you been with?”

Zack nearly choked on his intake of breath.

“How many guys have YOU been with?!” He countered.

“I, uh, I ...well..I never...not really...shit! Why are you asking?”

“Why are YOU asking? You don’t just say that to someone you don’t know!”

“But I know you.” Johnny looked like he was going to pout.

“Yeah, two whole days. We are on the road to being friends but we ain’t there yet, pal. Not to where I can tell you who I sleep with.”

“Fair enough.”

Zack nudged him and handed him the remote. “I got HBO. Find a good movie for us to watch.”

Johnny smiled broadly.

“I miss tv, it’s not the homeless shelters have rec rooms.”

Johnny found a movie and they sat side by side watching until the end.

“If you want anything else from the kitchen help yourself. Oh.” Zack snapped his fingers. “I’ll bet you want a shower. Again it’s really stripped down, no tub and no sink b/c I figured I could wash my hands at the kitchen sink and sometimes my legs hurt getting up and down so no baths. But yeah, I got a shower and soap and towels. So knock yourself out. Just do it before I got to sleep cuz you have to go through my bedroom to get there.”

“Okay, I’ll do that now. God, thank you. You have been the coolest guardian angel I have ever met.”

Zack felt himself blushing. He let Johnny have his privacy and waited out in the living room for him to finish showering. Twenty minutes later he came out in just the sweat pants, toweling off his chest and arms.

“Would you like me to put some more anti bacterial stuff on your face?” Zack asked, knowing fully well Johnny could do it himself at this point.

“Sure.” Johnny shrugged.

Zack went to get some more Neosporin from his bathroom, he kept a lot around because there was always something lying in wait to scrape off his skin in the shop. When he came back Johnny had spread the sleeping bag on the futon.

“Here, let me show you how to pull it down.” Zack gave a tug to the back and the mattress fell flat with a clatter.

“Cool.”

He and Johnny sat down on the edge, Johnny turned his face to Zack and closed his eyes, exhibiting far more trust than Zack would have if it had been reversed. Gently Zack slid his fingers over Johnny’s skin, not even touching the parts where it was broken but letting the gel be the cushion between Johnny’s cuts and the pads of his fingertips. He resisted the urge to kiss Johnny’s forehead when he finished. He could not understand the pull towards him, like they had known each other far longer and already had a history together.

“All done.”

Johnny opened his eyes and smiled.

“I meant what I said about staying up all night if you wanted and watching tv. Whenever you wake up, get something to eat and if you want, come downstairs and I”ll try and show you some basics. If you want, I still have my books, you could just hang out and read. If you wanted, I’m not trying to push you into anything.”

“Dude, no one else is bending over backward to hire someone with no permanent residence. I’m not much for reading, it’s beter if you just show me things.”

“Sure.”

“So your big friend with the bike, does he know you like guys?”

Zack tilted his head to the side, wondering how Johnny could possibly know about Matt.

“The guy with the long black hair that’s a dick?”

“Oh Brian. That’s Brian. And yes, I did tell him a while back that I liked guys.”

“What happened? How’d he react?”

“Oh I screwed up all my courage to tell him and he laughed at me. So I punched him in the face. After that we were good.”

“Holy shit, dude. You’re my hero.” Johnny grinned.

“You like guys then?”

“I’m …..not really sure.”

“That’s cool.” Zack patted him on the back. “You’ve got your whole life to find out. Okay, I’m going to bed. Finish the pizza if you want.”

“Goodnight Zack.”

“Goodnight.” Zack took Johnny’s towel and went to his bedroom, closed and locked the door.

Chapter Four

Zack woke at he the usual time and tip toed into the livingroom. The tv was still on with the sound down and Johnny was asleep in a lump on the futon mattress, covers up to his ears. Zack was going to make coffee there but decided to take some bullets for the K Cup machine and just have breakfast in the shop to save waking Johnny up. He had almost made it to the door when Johnny sat up in bed, throwing off bedding in all directions.

“Hey, wait up! I’ll go with you!”

“You don’t have to. You can go back to sleep if you want.”

“No, I want to help.” Johnny hopped out of bed, snapped the futon back in place and stretched.

“Okay, cool. Well let me get you some coveralls because there’s no sense getting what little clothes you have all greasy.” Zack was wearing black coveralls with the BMW logo on the breast pocket and baby blue trim. He pulled one out for Johnny and brought it to the living room.

“Here, it should fit okay because these things are meant to be baggy anyway. I bought half a dozen of these when I passed my test to fix BMW bikes.” He held it out to Johnny who took it with great trepidation.

“Are you sure? I... I haven’t earned it. I have no idea how to fix a BMW bike.”

“It’s okay.” Zack smiled, going back to put on coffee. “No one will know the difference. When a customer comes in you can just fade in the background and when they leave I’ll start showing you stuff. When you finally know what you’re doing you can hang out up front with me and field questions if you want.” Zack pulled out a box of cheese danish he’d bought in bulk from Wal Mart.

“Oh my god, I love these things! I used to beg outside a gas station. Everyone thought it was going for drugs but it was really going for the 79 cent cheese danish!”

Zack started laughing. “I feel the same way. When I was in the hospital I was supposed to be eating healthy and having fruit and oatmeal for breakfast but I’d have Brian sneak these in to me.” They both tore open a package and began to eat as the coffee brewed. “I’ve got a scooter that’s going to be pretty easy, I’ll walk you through that. Matt’s bike is a mess. There’s a lot to replace. If it’s slow, I’ll start walking you through that, but if not you’ll have to leave me to it.”

“Okay.”

“I know you said you didn’t want to read but I’ll need you to look at a list of parts and get familiar with them. I’ll show you that in a book. Then we’ll get started on the Vespa.”

“Okay.”

“You don’t have to hang out here all the time. I mean if you have friends or somewhere you like hanging out.”

“There’s no place but on the streets, no one I know that I hang out with by choice. You see the same people in the food lines at the churches and shit, maybe once in awhile you’ll know the person in the next bunk at the shelter. You can’t have friends out here. Most kids out here...” Johnny sighed. “They’ve been through so much, all they know is to steal and run. And you can’t blame them, but you can’t get close to them either. Either that or they’re already hooked on drugs and you just know someday soon they’re gonna die, one way or another.” Johnny reached for the coffee pot to pour a cup as soon as it stopped brewing. “What about you, man? What do you do for fun?” He poured both he and Zack a cup and Zack took out the milk and sugar.

“Since I got out of the hospital? Not much. No time. All the time trying to get the shop off the ground and get myself back to normal. I’ve had a few parties. My friend Jimmy is getting out of jail real soon though, I’m definitely having a party for that.”

“Yeah?” Johnny opened up another danish, took a bite, then washed it down with coffee and breathed a contented sigh.

“Yeah, he went to jail while I was still in the hospital. He hasn’t seen this place at all, I am so excited to show it to him.”

“What’d he do?”

“Well, Jimmy’s....” Zack tapped the side of his head. “he’s not wired like you or me. That’s not a bad thing really, but it’s how it is. He can’t stand authority: cops, adults, parents, bosses, he can’t deal with that stuff. He’s not a bad guy and he’d never hurt another person unless they hurt him first and only then if they caught him on a bad day. But...Jimmy also has some problems with drugs.”

“Oh....” Johnny looked away.

“You know what a mad scientist is, right? Like Dr. Frankenstein?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Johnny looked back up.

“Jimmy’s like that. Normal people take drugs to feel the way Jimmy feels every day of his life normally. Jimmy takes drugs so that once in awhile, he’ll feel like you or me and can turn off the shit in his head long enough to have a conversation or get some sleep.”

“Wow.” Johnny took a deep drink of coffee and then looked unsettled once more. “I’m not taking his place, am I?”

“What do you mean?” Zack frowned.

“Here at your house, in your shop? I’m not taking up a place that would have gone to him, am I? I don’t want to be in the way or take anything away from anyone.”

“Oh no. He’ll be staying with Brian. Brian’s the only one of us who can sort of keep him reined in. Brian is one of the few people Jimmy will listen to and will sort of calm down around. So, no, don’t worry about that. As amazing as he’d probably be at fixing bikes, I think Brian’s going to set him up fixing computers for the clients who buy his software. When he’s not hacking them.”

Johnny gulped, a bit of coffee spilling on the counter.

“You didn’t hear that from me though. God I hope he doesn’t teach Jimmy to hack. The world would not be safe.” Zack slapped him on the back. “Drink up, we can get more downstairs.”

Johnny nodded, downing the last of his coffee and following Zack out. Zack locked up behind them and then set to disengaging all the locks and alarms and turning on lights. Once everything was open he turned to the cabinets, unlocked one and pulled out a thick book. He opened it to a basic index of motorcycle parts and handed it to Johnny.

“Okay, study that. I’m gonna start calling in orders for parts on Matt’s bike. When I’m done we are going to do the oil change together and then I’m gonna show you how to put in the clutch. It’s pretty easy stuff. I’ll show you and then I’ll let you do it yourself. I’m not going to expect you to remember every single thing over night but if we keep at it and do it every day, something’s gotta stick.”

“Every day?”

“Yeah.”

“I can stay?”

“Yeah, I want you to stay. I’m not the richest guy on earth, but I’ve got food and plenty of room. I’ve never done much in trying to fix up the loft. I still need to make an outside entrance so I won’t have to deactivate the shop security every time someone comes over. You can start out on the futon and then I’ll see what I can do to get you something better to sleep on.”

“Dude, the futon is great, the futon is perfect! I just....” Johnny stuck his hands deep into the pockets of the bulky coveralls. “I don’t know what to say. This is literally a dream come true. A safe place to stay is all I’ve ever wanted, but to stay with someone cool like you and learn....this and hear stories about your friends.....I don’t....you can’t imagine....I haven’t done anything to deserve this.”

“Yes, you have. Trust me.” Zack smiled, resisting the urge to hug him or run a hand down his arm. “Okay, read and learn and I’m gonna make those phone calls.”

If Johnny had any problems reading or understanding, Zack was not aware. He caught on, was able to do everything Zack showed him, and started to name some parts by sight just minutes after learning them. The day passed at a steady pace. Zack didn’t break for lunch and he got the idea that Johnny would rather die than ask for a break of any kind. He closed the shop a little early when no new business came in and

“I know some GED courses you can take online if you want. I don’t think you have to have it to get certified in any of the mechanic courses, but I’ll check. I have a laptop I hardly ever use. It’s got a lot of gay porn on it.”

Johnny laughed.

“Yeah, sure. If you want me to I will. You can’t really study when you’re sleeping in people’s doorways and the shelters are so fucking loud.”

“Shit, I can imagine.”

Johnny followed him upstairs and they microwaved a large tray of lasagna and had ice cream for dessert. They watched pro wrestling on television and even though Johnny claimed to have outgrown it when he was ten, he was soon cheering and calling out the moves before they were made.

“Yes, yes! Dragon screw leg whip! Into the submission! GIve, bitch! Give!!”

Zack watched him, trying not to grin outright, afraid Johnny would think he was being laughed at and not that Zack felt so good just to see him happy.

“Okay, I’m going to bed.” Zack stood and stretched.

“Do you still get sore, from the injuries? From your accident?”

Zack sighed.

“Yeah. I do. I don’t talk about it, no one really asks but my folks and I don’t want them to worry. It’s not bad, it’s just.....I sort of feel like I’m already an old man.”

“You don’t have to worry about being cool with me. If you have to go to sleep early, or you need to take a break when we’re working or you just need me to do shit for you, run errands, go get stuff from places that you’d have to walk a long way to get to, I can do that for you. It’s not a problem. I’m just saying cuz I get the idea your friends can be dicks and I’m not like that. I’m not gonna make fun of you if you just wanna call it a night early or... you know, whatever.”

Zack could not help the smile that broke across his face as his heart beat just a little faster.

“Thank you. That’s the nicest thing I’ve been told in a long time.”

Johnny waved him on and told him goodnight and Zack put the dishes in the sink and went to bed. As Zack fell asleep he was already trying to figure out how to make Johnny his own little living space within the the loft.

When Zack woke up the next morning Johnny already had the coffee brewing and had heated up some cinnamon rolls in the microwave.

“Can I shower?” Johnny asked as Zack walked up to the kitchen counter and grabbed a roll off the paper towel that caught the dripping icing.

“Yeah, sure. Bring down the towels and we’ll wash them downstairs.” Zack looked around. “We really need to do some shopping. I never got a table, you need socks and underwear...”

“I’m okay!” Johnny called over his shoulder.

Matt was the one with the truck but he was still recovering and Zack wasn’t going to disturb him. Maybe furniture could wait but they did need groceries and Johnny did need clothes. But now there was an extra set of hands to carry bags and legs to walk home with him. Zack smiled and poured them each a cup of coffee. Before long Johnny was back, hauling laundry behind him. They ate a quick sugar filled breakfast and went down to open the shop. Zack worked alone on Matt’s bike while Johnny poured over Zack’s old textbooks. A Honda was brought in for an oil change and a Suzuki needed shocks. Zack walked Johnny through the oil change that Johnny was able to do mostly on his own and tended to the Suzuki himself. By the end of business Matt’s bike was fixed. Johnny was cleaning up and Zack was preparing to close out the register when Brian came in smiling.

“Hey man, tell Matt his bike’s done. It’s gonna be about $800.”

“I’ll tell him its a grand, I know you never actually charge us what you’re supposed to and if you’re barely charging me over cost, you’re probably taking a loss for him. He can pay, we’re not beggars.” He then glanced at Johnny and flushed with shame for a moment. “Hey! Great news! Jimmy’s gonna be out in two days!”

“Oh my god!” Zack dropped the rag he was wiping his hands on and ran up to Brian. “That is the best news! But shit, I don’t have time to plan a party.”

“Well that’s why I’m coming by. I was thinking. You probably don’t need a lot of people you don’t know coming in and out of the shop. Why don’t we do the big party at my place and have a smaller gathering, just us, at yours? Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m just....wow, it’s happening so fast! But I’m happy! Yeah, sure, have it at your place and we’ll do something small here, rent some of Jimmy’s favorite movies and get lots of booze and yeah....it’ll be great.”

“I’ll bring Jimmy here as soon as he’s out. I know you want him to see your place. And as soon as you close we’ll send someone for you or I’ll try to come myself.”

“Does Matt know?”

“Not yet. He’ll know soon enough and I’ll tell him about the bike. So he’ll be paying you a visit too.” Brian grinned. “Bring your apprentice.” He nodded to Johnny.

“Oh..no..that’s okay. You don’t have to invite me. I could, uh, watch the shop.” Johnny stammered.

“It’s all right, man. You’re Zack’s friend, I’m Zack’s friend. It’s all good. You’re one of us now.” As Brian turned back to Zack Johnny looked so happy he practically glowed. “Okay I got stuff to do. See ya day after tomorrow.”

“See ya.”

Zack turned back to Johnny. “Okay tonight we’re good but tomorrow after work we have to go shopping. And as you know I don’t have a car. If I’m really and truly out of everything, I take a cab across town to the Mega Super WalMart. But Christ that place is big. I get tired about half way through. There’s a place about five or six blocks. Go with me and help me carry the stuff back?”

“Of course.” said Johnny.

That night Zack made hot dogs and they watched horror movies on Netflix and ate Oreos and milk before bed.

Chapter Five

Zack’s first customer of the day came limping in and anyone could tell he was a man not accustomed to limping. Matt was tall, tan and muscular. He stood slightly taller than Brian who was a good head taller than Zack, which mean he towered over Johnny. His hair was cut close in a high and tight military fade and Johnny could not tell what color it was from the white Under Armor baseball cap he was wearing, but Zack knew it was brown and Matt never let it get below his ears. Matt had been raised in a strict Southern Baptist family that prized country, service, and manifest destiny. He idolized Ronald Reagan and Ted Nugent and had been a member of the NRA since he was ten. His dream job had been to join the military for the sole purpose of killing things for sport that fought back more than deer and javelinas, but when he turned seventeen Matt’s mom broke down in tears and begged him not to enlist. So Matt has stayed, quickly got hired on at a local gun store where he and his father shopped and began to learn about and collect every gun he could possibly get his hands on. When he was not hunting he rode bikes and took Jeet Kun Do classes with Brian. He had known Zack since high school. He strode in as confidently as his limp would let him, grinning and hurrying to give Zack a hug until he saw Johnny.

“Wow. It’s Mini You.” Matt mumbled without enthusiasm and immediately stepped back.

“Hey!! You didn’t have to come out right away! You okay?”

“Yeah, I uh, fucked up my knee.” Matt’s hazel eyes would not stay on Zack for more than a few seconds and he looked ill at ease. “I think I tore some cartilage. I’ll probably have to admit defeat and go get it looked at which I’m sure is gonna mean surgery. My own fucking fault for not paying attention. The wreck I mean. Any other time I could have swerved into the clear. I kept thinking it would get better if I just stayed off my feet but it never did. Then I thought maybe I could just go to the gym and work it out.” He sighed and glanced down. “Bad fucking idea.” He tucked the hem of his Affliction t shirt back into this jeans even though it really hadn’t come out to begin with. He shifted his weight and looked around the garage again, looking over Johnny as if he was a piece of furniture.

“I’m sorry Matt.” Zack’s voice was soft, eyes traveling all over Matt, wishing he could make all the aches and pains go away. His arms were still out for the hug he obviously wasn’t getting and he finally dropped them at his sides. He had started to touch Matt’s arms but both were covered in scabbed over scrapes.

“Ah shit, listen to me. Complaining to a guy who spent a year in the hospital. I’m fine dude.” He straightened up to his full height and reached in his back pocket for his billfold. From it he pulled out a cashier’s check, handing it to Zack.

“Twelve hundred?! Is that what Brian told you?! That’s too much!”

“Dude, you think I’m stupid? The last time you did repairs for me, I looked it up online. There was no way you could have charged me what you did and made any money at all. That’s not right, man. I get that I’m your friend.” A blush developed around his dimples and he cleared his throat and looked away. “And I knew you’d say no, which is why I got a bank check. You have to take it.” Again Matt blushed hard and started to cough.

“You got your truck?” Zack asked, ringing up the amount on the register and printing Matt up his receipt.

“Yeah, hard as shit to drive stick with a fucked up knee, I tell ya that much.”

“Johnny will load up the bike for ya. Johnny?”

“Yeah, sure!” Johnny sprung to life from where he was watching Matt in the corner of the garage. He grabbed Matt’s bike and carefully wheeled it out.

“So that’s your sidekick, huh? Brian told me.”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“You’re a good guy, Zack. Always taking in strays.”

Zack smiled and touched Matt’s hand a little longer than necessary as he handed him the receipt.

“You gonna be okay for Jimmy’s party?”

“Oh you’d better believe it. I’ll get shot up with some kind of painkiller for the night. I’ll be there! You bringing little orphan Andy there?” He nodded toward the door where Johnny had just left.

“Yeah, Brian said it was okay.”

Matt only nodded, looking deep in thought. When the door jingled again he jumped.

“Okay, well see ya at the shindig. Thanks for taking care of my bike.” He turned around and shuffled out as fast as he could.

“And that was Matt.” Zack said as the door closed.

“Is he on drugs? He looked awfully nervous.” Johnny raised an eyebrow as he stared at the door.

“Nah, I don’t think he was expecting anyone to be here.”

“For a big jock guy, he sure does act squirrely.” Johnny stopped. “Wait a minute! There’s something going on between you two isn’t there?”

“Uh...” Zack grinned. “We’re not there yet, Johnny.”

“So you ARE fucking him! You’d come out and say it if you weren’t! Sex is the only thing you won’t talk about!”

“No! NO! I.....Christ. It’s extremely complicated, all right? The day after Jimmy’s party....if I’m still drunk....maybe I’ll tell you about it then. MAYBE!”

“Okay, fine!” Johnny held out his arms in surrender.

“All right, no one’s here so we should clean. You wanna do floors or wipe down everything?”

“Whatever is hardest for you to do.”

“Well I’m feeling pretty good today. I’m usually not hurting until the end of the day and then only sometimes. I’m fine, really.”

“Okay, well I’ll wipe down everything I guess.”

Zack turned on some music and they got to work.

“Is it always this slow?”

“Yeah.” Zack sighed. “I’ve been thinking of branching out for a long time, adding new things, carrying gear like jackets, reflectors, helmets. I’ve been teaching myself a little airbrushing. I can do a few basic designs. You have to offer more than one thing to survive. I guess....I just needed a kick in the ass to get started.” He smiled. “I’ll need to order racks for the jackets, keep them chained on, nothing too expensive though, a case for the helmets, and I need to find a really cheap bike I can buy and customize to keep here to show off my designs.”

“And then you could sell tickets and raffle it off.” Johnny added.

“Good idea. See, it’s good to have you around.” Zack took a breath. “Okay, after Jimmy’s party, after we’re over our hangovers, you and I are sitting down with fixture catalogs and the classified. We’re gonna get fixtures and a bike and then I’ll see how much I can afford to buy and stock for the first run and we’ll see how it sells.”

Johnny grinned.

“Cool! I can’t wait to help out.”

Just then, the human hurricane that was Jimmy Sullivan ran through the doors. Jimmy was even taller than Matt which meant to Johnny he looked like a man on stilts. If all you glimpsed of Jimmy was his face, you’d think he was chubby but that was part of the whole optical illusion that made up Jimmy’s body. His face was round, he had full cheeks and the hint of a double chin, yet the rest of him was long, tall, lanky and all angles. His hair was dyed black and stuck out at all angles on the top of his head while the back lay flat against his neck. His nose was long and straight much like Matt’s and his eyes were glittering bits of blue ice. Jimmy was apparently wearing what he had been wearing the day he was thrown in jail a year previous: a silk dress jacket, no shirt, a bow tie, jeans that barely stayed on his narrow, emaciated hips and Converse ultra high tops that laced up to just below his knee.

“I go into jail and you’re in the hospital, I get out and you have your own place, a business and you’ve given birth to a son! Awesome!” Jimmy clapped Zack on the back before pulling him into a bear hug and then turned and bent down to talk to Johnny as if he’d found him lost in the grocery store. “Hello little boy! I’m Jimmy. Is Zack your daddy?”

“Uh..no...” Johnny looked up at Jimmy unsure of what to make of him and whether he was joking. “I was homeless and he gave me a place to stay. Now I’m helping him out in the shop.”

“For real?! I was homeless before I went to jail. I used to live in a laundromat.” Jimmy boasted straightening up.

“Really?” Johnny’s head tilted all the way back, looking Jimmy in the eye.

“Yep. And you know what the funny thing was? I still smelled like shit because I never even washed my clothes the whole time I was there!”

“Well of course not! You only had one set and you couldn’t run around naked. You’d scare people.”

“Exactly! You get it! I like this kid!!” Jimmy got Johnny in a headlock and began rubbing his head. “Zack can I adopt your son?”

“He’s not my son!”

“Wow! You are so punk rock!” Johnny gushed, poking Jimmy in the stomach with his finger just to make sure he was real.

“And you’re so short!!” Jimmy let Johnny go and looked him up and down. “Do people steal you off your front lawn at night?”

“I never had a front lawn.”

“You’re a homeless gnome! Oh my god! That’s my next band name!! Jimmy Lawnmower and the Homeless Gnomes!” Jimmy looked down and laid his hand flat on Johnny’s head like he was palming a basketball.. “Hey did you spray paint your head?”

“Yeah, I did. Spray paint is sometimes easier to lift than hair dye. Just depends on who you’re stealing from.”

“You were into Good Charlotte weren’t you? Don’t lie.”

“Yeah....” Johnny looked down.

“Fucking A little dude! I liked The Backstreet Boys. Its all gravy. If you ever get mad at Daddy Zack, come live with me~ I’ll adopt you! We’ll live in a junkyard!”

“Cool!”

“Stop calling me Daddy! That sounds so....sexual! Ew.” Zack protested. Jimmy began to wandered around the shop, touching and looking at everything.

“Wow, Zack this is so cool. I’m so happy for you. You can walk, you have this place. Just wow, man. You did so good.”

“I’m glad you’re out of jail.” Zack came up from behind and hugged Jimmy. “Please be good and try to stay out this time. Where are you staying?”

“I’m staying at Brian’s right now. He thinks he can get me a gig fixing broken computers. Wouldn’t that make us quite the team?” He snorted.

“Good, I’m glad you have a place to stay. Oh speaking of that, Johnny, will you watch down here while I take Jimmy upstairs?”

“Upstairs?” Jimmy stared at the ceiling.

“Yeah, that’s where I live.”

“You live on the roof?!” Jimmy appeared to be astounded at the thought. “That’s amazing. Don’t you get wet when it rains? Ya got a tent?”

“No, no, I’ve got a loft type space up here. Like in the movie Big.”

“Ohhhhhh......” Jimmy followed Zack upstairs. “Wow, dude, you could throw a rave up here! Or film a porn! Or throw a porn rave!”

“Ha. No, no. But I do have Matt and Brian over for video games sometimes.”

“How’s Matt?”

“Okay. I’m sure he wants to see you but he wrecked his bike and he’s been laid up. He’ll be okay though. Tell Brian to take you by there. I know you’re gonna wanna wrestle with him but go easy, I think he’s gonna have to have knee surgery.”

“I will.” Jimmy threw his arms around Zack and hugged him tightly, nearly knocking him down. “I’m so happy for you, dude! You deserve it. I hated going to jail with you in the hospital, not being able to see you, not knowing how you were. God, this is so great.” He leaned down and kissed the top of Zack��s head.

“It’s good to see you too. I know you don’t like anyone telling you what to do but please, do your best to stay out of jail, cuz when you’re in jail you’re away from us and we miss you.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m dumb sometimes. I’ll do my best t stay out of trouble.” He squeezed Zack one more time and let him go. “You really are taking care of that kid?”

“Yeah. He’s been okay so far.”

“That’s so awesome. You’re my hero, Zack.”

“So how’s you get here?”

“Oh, Brian dropped me off. He wanted to go buy some more stuff for the party. I just now got out, like an hour ago. We went and ate and came here! I had to see you. Brian told me about Matt, said we’d call him later, make sure he was up. So what did I miss when I was gone?”

“Eh, about thirty of Brian’s girlfriends, Matt’s assistant manager of the gun store now---.”

“Oh Jesus Christ. He’s still out being a cross between Abercrombie & Fitch and Elmer Fudd?”

Zack started laughing. He went to the refrigerator and got Jimmy a soda.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Wow, I can’t get over this place! It’s like a movie set. I’m just so proud of you.” He popped the top and glanced around. “You kinda need furniture though.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been so busy working I just never go around to getting anything more than a futon.”

“Futon is the gayest word in the English language. Get a damn couch! Something you can have sex on. No one’s gonna fuck you on a futon.....unless they’re French.”

“Okay, I’ll get a couch. I promise.”

“So you....fix bikes?”

“Yep.”

“When did you learn to do that?”

“Started reading up when I was in the hospital. Just in case I never walked again, I wanted something I could do from a wheelchair.”

“Fuck dude, I’m so glad you’re okay. I fucking hated going away when you were being in and out of surgery and you were so banged up. That was the one thing I regretted and I make it a point not to regret a lot. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Zack leaned in and hugged Jimmy again.

“It’s okay. You couldn’t help it. I know you didn’t mean to bail.” Zack ran his hand up Jimmy’s ribs and Jimmy giggled. “You’re like the only person I know that went to jail and didn’t put on any weight.”

“Just magic I guess. Come on, you’ve got a business to run, thanks for showing me around.”

“Any time you ever want to come and stay, I’ll have a couch with your name on it. “

“Sweet.”

=+=

“Pop quiz, kid!” Jimmy yelled as he came down the stairs. “Describe me in three words.”

“Emo Big Bird?”

“He’s a keeper! You get tired of him, send him to me! I’ll make him me and Brian’s evil minion.”

The door opened but instead of Brian it was an actual customer asking about a quote on getting a bike fixed. Zack brought him over to the counter, began typing up parts and labor prices into the computer and handed him an estimate and offering a guarantee of service, nodding to the five different certification plaques he had hanging on the wall behind him. The customer took the quote and promised to return the next day.

“Wow.” Jimmy said softly as the door closed. “You grew up.” For a moment he looked at Zack like he was seeing a ghost.

“He didn’t break anything did he?” Brian stuck his head in the door.

“No, he’s great! Thanks for bringing him here first.” Zack grinned.

“Not a problem. We’re gonna go see if his folks will let us in to get his stuff and then it’s home sweet home. Come by tomorrow as soon as you get off. The party will be in full swing. Hell we’ll be drinking tomorrow from the time we get up, right Jimbo?”

“I got a lot of catching up to do!” Jimmy grinned and cocked his head. “And on that note, I’m gonna make like a baby and head out!”

Chapter Six

Johnny continued to stare at the door after Jimmy had left.

“Wow, you....you have the coolest friends, ever. Next to you, that is the coolest guy I have ever met. Ever!”

“Yeah, Jimmy’s one of a kind. He’s a handful sometimes but we love him.”

“I hope he gets some clothes.” Johnny shook his head, still looking at the door.

“Oh that reminds me. We need to get you some clothes for the party.”

“Can’t I just borrow some of yours?”

“Well you could, I wouldn’t mind, but everyone knows what I wear. If they see you in my stuff....” Zack sighed. “I want them to judge you on you, not judge you on where you came from or why you’re staying with me, or that you’re staying with me at all. It’s no one’s business. As far as they know you’re my apprentice. And I’ll start paying you as soon as I figure out the details of all that. I’ve never hired anyone before. I have no idea how it works with the government and taxes and stuff.”

“You don’t have to pay me! You don’t have to buy me anything, Zack! Don’t you understand how bad I feel taking things from you? I just....I feel like I should be doing something.”

Zack motioned Johnny over to some red vinyl chairs in the waiting area and they both sat down.

“Johnny, think of me like your brother. If you had a brother and he wanted to do something for you, would you immediately think of paying him back?”

“No, probably because he gave me so much shit in the past I wouldn’t question it.”

“Well maybe there will be a time when I give you shit too, or make you work longer or not give you a day off or something. I’m not.....I’m just a kid like you, only older. There’s nothing special about me except the fact that I got some money and am determined to use it to do good things and make a life for myself. I’m nobody’s hero, I’m nobody’s savior---.”

“Don’t say that.”

Zack sighed.

#band slash #A7X slash #slash fic #synacky #johnnyxzackxbrian

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decadentias · 1 year ago

Text

"IF THAT'S THE CASE THEN I guess I feel less bad since I'm not really missing out on anything." She listened to Catalina speak, hearing no filter from her words. The other didn't need to explain her point. There was an understanding between them. It was nice to have someone who gets it. They didn't have to elaborate on what they meant or justify their emotions to each other.

"Hopefully. Our selection isn't bad so far." They were well-rounded men, but the only issue was their emotional unavailability. She and Catalina hadn't really made an effort to fully put themselves out there. Agatha didn't think she was ready. She doubted her capability to open up. As for Catalina, there was someone she had to settle things with. It was obvious that she was avoiding it as much as possible. Agatha didn't have a solid opinion about the Swede, but he would either make or break her best friend. "You can't really know unless you give it a shot. I won't encourage you to throw yourself into danger, but maybe dip your toe in the water, and see how it will go. Follow your gut. And by this, I mean dive into it without doubts and take everything as it is. Don't get stuck on the mindset that it will fail when you haven't even started yet." In short, she just had to follow her heart. She wished she didn't beat herself up over her past relationships. She was a victim. It wasn't her fault.

"Owen and I were friends before. He was there for me when I grieved for my child and my first love. At that time, the twins were newborns. Their mother just died from birth. And then he gave me the idea that we could get married and have a family. I'd stand in as the twins' mother and his wife. He swept me off my feet and gave me what I wanted. And being gullible, I accepted. I thought it would fill that emptiness. I grew to love the twins like my own, but I should've known better." She never thought she'd ever reveal the true story to anyone.

Hearing her best friend's assurance, she smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "I love your optimism but I hope it doesn't only apply to me. It should also apply to you. Everything happens for a reason. It will all make sense someday."

continued from here // @thewcllingtons

#thewcllingtons #agatha & catalina #m: agatha #this is probably the most fleshed out paragraph i wrote for her character #also ik this will be shorten later cuz i'm stupid asf for writing long stuff consistently

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gayasspoetry · 3 months ago

Text

2013

there was a time long ago

when I thought I'd know you forever

but I should've expected

that it would end in tears

before it actually did.

please don't say you miss me

I'd probably run back to you

like my childhood home

which I sometimes walk back to

in my dreams and memories.

and if I actually ran back to you

it would end in tears again

because you're cruel

therefore I won't be

because I am not you anymore.

it's not my fault I have my mother's eyes

that you've always hated in me

because you never loved her

and I reminded you of her

so you couldn't love me either.

please just call me on the phone

I promise I'll pick up

but deep down I know

we couldn't talk much

because I can't explain and you don't care.

when you left I felt like dying

and if not in love

then in grief, I will forever

carry you in my heart;

a burden I can't put down.

I know I have disappointed you

when I chose to live my own way

instead of what you meant me to be

because you tried to kill

the artist, the poet within me.

all this pain will end someday

and it will all be okay

but it will also be different

because I will never be a child again

so you can't fix your mistakes as a father.

and now I am the one

you warned me about as a child

I am different, I am strange

I am ill and I am weird

but it's okay, because I am me.

I don't know what we were back then

but that isn't what you call a family

it was something different

something worse

something not worthy of the word 'love'.

I won't eat until you say you love me

or that you're proud of me

or apologize for your past mistakes

because you never loved me right

or have you ever loved me at all?

I know you hate me now

but if I spilled my blood on the floor

would you visit my grave?

because you never tried noticing me

while I was alive.

in my head it's still twenty-thirteen

and everything's still fine

and we're still a complete family

though it's almost been twelve years

and I'm not six anymore.

I am too sad to tell you

you wouldn't listen anyway

you never did, to be true

not back when I was younger

and not now, that I'm all grown up.

six years ago, as a teenager

I thought I'd feel better by now

but I wish I could've warned me

that I'll never heal from the past

and it doesn't get better with time.

#artists on tumblr #original poem #poem #poems and poetry #poems on tumblr #poetry #small artist #sad poem #sad poetry #art

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sorry-ghost · 1 year ago

Text

I should tell you I loved you more than the breath could hold in my chest and that I loved you more than I've ever loved any woman or man and I was willing to marry you and not as a joke

it's over and it's been over and you have a family now, two children born from a poison mother feeding them toxins in the womb and still you love and care for them as if they were your own, birthed from your own. I cannot ever fault you for helping to maybe save these children from a perma-victim birth giver, oh the nerves in their arms are damaged from abuse, they were so tarnished. so were you and I. Abuse doesn't make you special, it necessitates help, and not that of a lover but a professional.

I wish I could tell you I see it clearly now. what he did to you was rape. I was in denial because he did the same to me repeatedly, even publicly, but he said he loved me. brainwashed, insecure, I could have healed for you, healed with you, but it took too long for me to realize and by that time you chose the mother over me. them. the. children. I cannot be angry if it's for child safety, but my heart is still broken.

I have moved on. traditional roles, a man who is kind and gentle who will likely want me as a wife someday. I think im a lesbian, still, mostly.

I still miss you so deeply it hurts my soul. I dream of you every night, our laughter, our kisses, our escapades. holding hands in front of the giant chairs stacked statue, laughing in prismacolor as we made love beneath the shimmer of your fairy lights. My nightly escapades with you are now my nightmares, knowing how beautiful we had it and how we threw each other away.

my guilt eats me alive. you meant everything to me. I love you still, and I hate that. I want you to be successful, to be happy, to find joy. I am so scared you won't, hindered by dead weight youve complained so much about to me. they don't care for their kids, themself, the dishes, lied and snuck an abuser into your home and sroll wormed their way back into your graces. I could have intervened sooner. I could have done so much more. I never stopped loving you, Mia, and I don't think I ever will. only time will dull the ache you've left in my chest, even if slowly. painfully. slowly. it's been over a year, and I cry still over you. I love another and still, I cry over you, still. I think I always will.

I wish I wasn't a joke to you. a false commitment, a side project to a fixer upper person and a man you met a day ago. You were far from perfect, as was I, but the love you gave me was something I had never experienced prior and since. Love was deserved, not earned.

outside of you alone, I've had to earn love. to fight to show my worth, desperate to be told I am allowed to take up space in a room or in a heart.

I wish we had fallen in love differently. I dreamed of taking you as my wife so many times. I wrote my wish on a tanabata, perhaps it backfired. My heart lingers with you still, and you have moved on. I am happy for you, sad for myself.

when you reached out to me last there was nothing left to say. I knew you made your decision. the children, of course. I could not compete nor would I want to with the safety of babies.

I had so much more to say, but you had enough on your hands, and I was the only one with a therapist.

do you know that our mutual ex raped me again? and again? after all had ended? and once more after we last spoke? no. threats and pushing me to attempt once more on my life, but the water refused to stsy in my lungs and the cuts were too shallow. i glued myself shut thst night and passed out on the bathroom floor. I moved. I changed studios, more than once. a dramatic walkout, a big thing of it. moving, again. that was a big deal. I lost friends. countless. well, I could count but it would be painful. single digits remain. loyal, but I am empty.

I hear your songs about me. I write my poems about you. you are marked forever by me, ink in your skin. and yours in mine.

I wish there were no damn kids involved. I'd have loved you for the rest of my life if you hadn't gotten mixed up with that mess.

I miss you earnestly. every day. I hate that you were stolen from me by differing ideals. I would not be a fixture in a child's life that has no relation to me, especially considering the circumstances.

maybe one day I will find a love like you again. maybe you will achieve your joy.

we destroyed each other in the names of bullshit.

I am teetering on the edge and I couldn't take a response that isn't positive, so I won't say anything at all. I'm dangerously close to stupid decisions. I drink to forget and only remember. I cut to numb but only burn.

be it the discord, the romance we had blackened by the heat death of our scorching fire, I am yet still so glad you are alive. Please. Stay with us.

I hate it, but I love you still. Beyond words, I love you.

#obviously im drunk and sobbing #i mjss her so mhch

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jaceeverett · 1 year ago

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Something cracked in Jason's expression, then, a more sincere smile sliding across his face when Booker mentioned having a daughter. "A daughter, wow -- congratulations!" Not that it should have been surprising; he was definitely old enough to have kids, a wife, a whole family waiting for him at home if he wanted. When he mentioned his daughter's mother living in town, too, he figured that it might not have been the most traditional situation; but what was, those days? "How old is your daughter?" he asked, genuinely curious. "That's big of you, though, staying in town? Especially if you do want to leave someday, says to me that your daughter's needs come first, and good for you," having been raised by parents who placed an importance on image more than what their kids had ever wanted, he knew it would have meant the world to him to have his parents put him first, at any point in his life. "No," he laughed, shaking his head, "I mean, a little embarrassed, since I'm sure we've brushed shoulders, but hey, egg on my face, too, right?" It took two to tango, er, recognize one another at events. "Yeah, a lot -- I think what keeps throwing me is the people, which is my own damn fault. Like I somehow expected everyone to stay the same while I grew up," when he turned forty, they turned forty, that was how life worked; small towns just didn't pause when you drove out of them. "Oh, same, that Gala a little while back? Or like, color me surprised to see the bowling alley fully restored, too."

For Booker, leaving Merrock gave him a sense of freedom that he always wanted. Exploring different cities and states had given him more adventures, more so than when he lived in the small town. Something about living in a town that had such little population made Booker get an itch to flee. He imagined that Jason had much different experiences than him after he left their small town. He couldn't even begin to fathom what the other had seen in his time of serving. And he wasn't going to press. "You're welcome," he gave a nod of his head to the other man, returning the smile back with one of his own. With the other's question, he rubbed he back of his neck before giving him a shrug. "I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have plans to leave this town someday because I do. But since I've got a daughter now and since her mother is living in town, it's hard to take that away from her." He knew there were good qualities about Merrock. It wasn't too bad of a place to raise Dina in, and he was close to family but there was something missing. "I was going to be so embarrassed if I've been walking around town without knowing it was you," he laughed. "Glad to see you back, though. Do you feel like a lot has changed since you left? Or have things stayed the same for you? I know that when I moved back I was surprised to see so many changes made by the Benefactor."

#writing with quincy #quincy 001

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charlewiss-writes · 2 years ago

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what took you so long? / mick schumacher

masterlist

day 5: reunion (part of one-word november prompts!)

pairing: mick schumacher x vettel!reader

word count: 1.8k

author's note: really likes how this turned out!!! took me a bit more time so sorry for the delay!! italics are spoken in german and bold words are song lyrics from the song below that slightly inspired this :) hope you enjoy

"y/n, is it you?"

it was your first time back at the track after all the years that passed between your dad's retirement and today, the day where he would make his comeback. you remembered how this used to be your natural habitat back when you were growing up, glued to your father's hip. born between the loud engines, the burnt rubber smell and the electrifying energy around, it felt like home and you noticed quite quickly that this was where you were meant to be all along.

still, thanks to your dad being the most supportive man on the planet, he understood when you said to him that you wanted to create your own name in the world. being known as vettel's daughter since you opened your eyes into this world, now you wanted to build your own name, away from the racing world.

you turned back at the sound of the familiar voice, who you recognised instantly that it belonged to the only man that could make your skin shiver with just saying your name.

mick schumacher had always been a constant in your life. even before you were born, you were meant to be connected since the beginning, thanks to both your fathers close friendship. mick's dad, michael, was almost part of your family, being like an uncle to you, and seb had fulfilled the same role for mick all these years. even better, when he entered the f1 world, your dad had been in charge of keeping him close, helping him during these first few years.

you also were there all along. when mick won f3 in 2018, and then when he won f2 in 2020. you couldn't possibly be more proud of the boy that poured his heart and soul fully into the track, and that made your own heart race since you could register how you felt when he was near you. and still, you always dismissed all the clues your body couldn't disguise when he was close. your dad had said countless of times that he was betting on you two ending together someday, but still, you were too little and too stubborn to accept that fathers always know best, and in this situation it was no different.

back when your father retired at the end of the 2022 season, you were left heartbroken and promised that you wouldn't put another foot on track. for sure, you were glad that you would get your dad back, having time to spend with him, after all these years he had to travel the world while you took your first steps, learned your firsts words and fell in love with the same sport he had loved all his life. that's why it seemed unfair to you that he went the way he did. the man that won four championships and wrote his name forever in history deserved a better farewell than the one he got. and it wasn't no one's fault in particular. but you knew that given the right car, given the chance to fight for podiums and wins more than mere points finishes, he would still be out in the race track, where he belonged, where he was in his element.

so when the offer from audi came, proposing him to come back and be the teammate of his favourite german driver (apart from michael, of course), he couldn't say no. and you were glad. 4 years being by his side had been everything you ever dreamed, but seeing your best friend and your dad in a team together was a close second.

"oh my god, mick, it's been so long!" you almost screamed at him, while approaching the boy to give him a hug. he had paused in the middle of the garage, shocked at your presence, and wasn't reciprocating the hug. you realized that maybe he didn't miss you quite as much as you missed him, and let go, feeling quite awkward after. but he didn't let you go too far, and wrapped his arms around your figure tightly, now aware that you were, in fact, there.

"I missed you so much, schatzi".

—

"oh, what a great surprise I found here, my two favourite kids finally reunited!" your dad came almost screaming with love into the hospitality. you just smiled and tried to hide your face, since your sudden pink cheeks would reveal everything your dad didn't need to know. mick noticed instantly, and put his hand on your knee under the table you were sat in, in a reassuring way. he was the one who answered to your dad's joke. "why did you kept her from me all these years? could have used her support on the race weekends" mick said, smiling so brightly and now facing you, with a spark in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"told her a million times that you would be delighted with her presence here, but she denied each time" seb said jokingly, while getting closer to mick to put a hand on his shoulder and stroking it gently. the younger german went red, but you didn't seem to notice. "i guess I'm as stubborn as you are" you cheekily aimed the answer to your dad, who glared at you and acted angry. the laugh that you let out made his acting fall off, and seb started laughing too. "i'll let you alone, kids, god knows that you don't need me here" he said, and disappeared quickly, leaving both of you confused. what did he mean by that?

the day went by slowly. being a thursday, mick had little to no obligations but still, he tried to postpone everything he could, like the challenge he had scheduled to film for haas' youtube channel. after spending so much time apart, he told you he wanted to have all the time needed so you two could catch up. even though you kept contact through the years, it clearly wasn't the same to talk behind the screen and now, being face to face. mick was particularly interested in whatever you had to say, whether it was about your studies, your job, your family. he took every tiny piece you decided to give him, trying to get to know the woman that was now in front of him, the one he knew since he was just a kid but who had grown so much in the years you two hadn't maintained close contact.

seb had proposed to go out with the two of you to get a drink at a bar he saw earlier, but bailed last minute saying that he had a meeting that had extended for a bit too long. you knew that it was probably an excuse for you to have the talk that had been postponed for far too long. at first, it stayed strictly to small talk, continuing the direction you had taken earlier, but now focused on his job, how demanding it was sometimes. how lonely, too.

"remember our first kiss?" he said, out of nowhere. you saw how his cheeks reddened, probably because he realized how blunt his question had been. but before he could excuse himself, ashamed, you answered. "of course. we were, like, five?" you laughed, now with pink cheeks too. you had a crush on mick since before you could even know what a crush was. it never was something serious, you thought. the possibility of you two getting together had almost disappeared after a small fling you two had one summer. but knowing how serious he was about his job, and how serious you were about your interests outside the f1 world, you realised it probably would be too difficult to maintain a relationship like this. you saw how hard it was with your parents', and even though they showed you what real love looks like, you didn't know if you two were strong or mature enough to handle what it meant to have a long distance relationship.

"seb always said we would end up together" he said, rather shyly, hiding behind the non-alcoholic beer he was drinking. "yeah, I thought that too a few years ago" you admitted, saying something that you maybe wouldn't have said if it wasn't for the liquid courage that was flowing through your bloodstream. "not anymore?"

you huffed and ran your hands through your hair, trying to keep you grounded "we tried before, mick, it didn't work". the small relationship you had left you completely shattered. you had managed to get back to being close friends, not wanting to make it awkward for both of your families but also, knowing that you two couldn't get too far away from eachother. your dad, bless him, had stayed out of it, and you thought that he didn't even know it happened in the first place, because otherwise the blonde boy wouldn't be seated at your side. "yeah, I know, but don't you think that we've grown since then? that we could find a way to connect in new forms and better ways?" his blue eyes were calm like the ocean, hopeful but still as deadly as you remembered them. what would ensure that if you gave in, you wouldn't drown?

"it's still difficult, mick. I'm focusing on the last year of my studies and your focus is clearly here" you said, matter-of-factly. it wasn't meant to come as a protest. you supported him fully and respected that he had chose to follow the same path his dad had taken before him. you could never even think about going against it. "I know, but we could make it work, schatzi, don't you think?" mick smiled, now looking at your intertwined hands above the table. "if that's so, what are you waiting for?"

and just like that july situationship you had years ago, that included multiple nights of kissing and touching and feeling eachother, his lips found his way to meet yours. it had been so long since you last felt eachother this close, but still, it was like no time had passed. your hands found their way into the nape of his neck, caressing his hair, almost as second nature. the kiss was soft, almost shy, like the times you had sneaked out of your house, in the middle of the night, to meet him at your tree house back when you were twelve. after a few seconds, you broke the kiss, being desperate to get air into your lungs. still, your eyes remained closed, but you could feel his slightly agitated breath and how he smiled against your touch.

but suddenly, you heard a cough and opened your eyes, taken aback with the sudden interference. you were quickly brought back to reality by your dad's voice. "I'm sorry to interrupt, kids. but god, what took you so long?" he laughed, clearly enjoying both of your flushed red faces, while you tried to hide in mick's neck. he continued, not caring about how embarrassed you were, but rather enjoying it. "i was betting on this since before you two were even born".

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 x you #charlewiss writing challenge #one word november prompts #user charlewiss #f1 x y/n #f1 x yn #mick schumacher imagine #mick schumacher x you #mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher x y/n #mick schumacher fluff #mick schumacher angst #formula 1 imagine

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reddpenn · 3 years ago

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MOB PRINCESS KAEDE THATS INCREDIBLE APDKSNDJBSH. how's her piano career going in the real world? how'd she get started playing?

Kaede’s piano career is going great! Of course, it helps that the Kuzuryu Clan has taken an interest in the cultural and musical enrichment of the community, and makes sure those concert halls are always sold out.

Kaede stuff below the cut!

The Kuzuryus are the kind of wealthy people who keep a big, expensive piano in their house as a status symbol. When Kaede was still so small that she couldn’t reach the keys and the pedals at the same time, it was a marvelous toy, and she’d spend hours just playing around with it, teaching herself how to play. Eventually her parents took notice that not only was she obsessively interested in it, she also had some legit talent. Fuyuhiko in particular was eager to support her, buying her expensive tutors and getting her involved in recitals and competitions.

Kaede is the baby of the family, a total doted on daddy’s girl, and Fuyuhiko will give her anything she asks for. But she was able to pursue her own interests and focus on her piano career mainly because it was her twin sister Natsumi who was expected to one day take over the Kuzuryu Clan.

In reality, Kaede was the younger twin, and Natsumi the older. As much as Kaede was doted on, Natsumi was raised strictly with lots of pressure to succeed. Natsumi always understood that the perfection expected of her was for her own safety and success. Any woman leading a yakuza clan would need to be the epitome of perfection, never showing weakness.

All the same, she resented her younger twin’s carefree life and optimistic attitude, the way she was always praised and how nothing was ever expected of her. It twisted the knife further whenever Kaede’s bad grades were brushed aside, or when she forgot to come to kendo practice because she’d spent all day playing the piano.

“You’re going to have to face the real world someday, piano freak,” she’d try to force through Kaede’s head. “Someday you’ll find yourself in a situation where it’s kill or be killed, and mommy and daddy won’t be there to save your ass. And you’re not gonna have the guts to do what needs to be done.”

“That’ll never happen to me. I just play piano, I’m not going to have a dangerous life like you!”

“Of course it’ll happen to you. You’re a Kuzuryu, there’s always gonna be a target on your back.”

“Well, yeah, but I’m always gonna have my sister to protect me, right?”

“Ugh, don’t say sappy stuff like that! This world is rotten, you can’t count on anybody. Everybody lets you down in the end. The only one you can count on to always be there to save you is yourself. Promise me this, piano freak. If it's ever kill or be killed, do the family justice and make sure you're the one doing the killing.”

When Team Danganronpa pulled up in their van and dragged Kaede off the street, they probably meant to go for both twins. Their initial plan hadn’t factored in Keebo, so Natsumi would have made sixteen. But Natsumi found herself running away to safety while Kaede screamed and flailed. After all, she had the guts to sacrifice her sister to save herself, like a real yakuza. They were probably just taking daddy’s little princess away as a hostage or blackmail or something; the Kuzuryu Clan would deal with it and she’d be back by the end of the week.

Natsumi would lie awake in bed at night for weeks afterwards, staring at the ceiling, Kaede’s betrayed expression burned into her eyes. She’d done the right thing. This wasn’t her fault. Surely Kaede hadn’t been dragged away to die in a killing game because some part of Natsumi had secretly wished it. The world didn’t work like that.

Right?

#danganronpa #ndrv3 #kaede akamatsu #kaede's twin #relative strangers au #pen doodles from work

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lorxus-is-a-fox · 10 months ago

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When the people of 2500 look back at us, what will they weep for in the same way?

The one thing that every child knows, past the obvious - math and reasoning, fairness and conflict resolution and Society lore and morals, artistic expression and spiritual growth - is that if you should meet an Ancient, you do not ask them what Before was like. Not because they will cry - they will - but because you will scream.

But all the same you have asked me, and so I will tell you.

In the Before there was no Singleton. No omnibenevolent watcher looking out for everyone, nudging here and cautioning there and keeping an inhumanly vigilant eye on materials stocks and energy outflows. No, some Ancients might claim there might have been - that is one of the religions from your texts - but if there was, I never saw it work. Many more already knew that there was none. That lack was not their fault.

In the Before there were no medbots your T-cells could be coaxed into becoming, there was no tailored gene-therapy, and for a very long time, no one even checked infant formula for nutritional completeness. What? No, no, this is after the days of scurvy. The humans of Before already knew of vitamins and minerals, fatty and amino acids. That was not their error. Be glad that I can't even explain to you the sheer number of the kinds of ways a human body can break down and end up irrecoverably damaged in seconds for no good reason at all - in the Before, entire fields of study were devoted to figuring out how best to prevent or fix that damage. Perhaps one coin in ten went to services of this kind in the whole world; in some places it was as high as nearly five in ten.

In the Before there were no cornucopia machines and no Survival Subsidies. All that one needed, one had to create or transform on one's own, or purchase it with tokens of economic scarcity. What? No, not at scale. Here, you have asked, so I shall unblock those entries from your text. Here, the Ganges Delta, and the western of the British Isles in the negative first century. Yes, the same Empire did it... well, more than twice. Here, the northern Black Sea coast in the same general period. That was a different Empire. Scrub back a bit... yes, here, across the tropics in the late negative second century. Scrub forward a little again, and... well, this one on the west of the Yellow Sea, they did to themselves, partially through ecological collapse. A little further forward, here, and... well. Spoilers for those who watch from right angles, so I shan't say.

In the Before, humans all had their souls annihilated utterly when their bodies failed them for the first time. Almost all of them had long since given up hope on anything else. Every child grew up knowing that the people who had taken care of them and who loved them most, all their family and friends, would someday rot slowly from within, and everything important about their mind would dissolve into thermal noise. The only reason you'll ever meet an Ancient now is that some of them trusted blindly to primitive versions of coldsleep, which is still the little-death we still use for emergencies to person and to society.

Me? Yes, I was one of those. In the Before, it was not clear that it was Before anything but ashes. I generated a true-random bit, one day, and let that be my decision on whether or not to sign up for coldsleep - at extreme cost, in those days - if it meant leaving everyone else I'd ever known behind. I am here; you know the outcome of that bit-measurement.

Go, now, and grow to be happy and free in a way that I never could.

I feel like the California weed made me like fully grasp on an intuitive level that ancient history really happened. Like. Caesar was a guy who had a particular life experience. And I guess just in general made me more aware of how real all these billions of other lives lived as humans are. And how different they are. And how sad. It's hard to handle! It's much easier if it can mostly be numbers and stories and then a little bubble (or maybe the shape is more like a nerve cell. Or thermoelectricbreakdown) of visceral reality around me

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ddudumemes · 4 years ago

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SOUR SENTENCE STARTERS

(( collection of ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY THREE sentence starters taken from OLIVIA RODRIGO’s first album ‘ SOUR ’ . ))

001. BRUTAL . ‘ i think that i'll die before i drink . ’ ‘ who likes me ?? ’ ‘ who hates you ?? ’ ‘ who am i if not exploited ?? ’ ‘ where's my fucking teenage dream ?? ’ ‘ i don't stick up for myself . ’ ‘ i'm anxious and nothing can help . ’ ‘ and i wish i'd done this before . ’ ‘ and i wish people liked me more . ’ ‘ all i did was try my best , this the kinda thanks i get ?? ’ ‘ i wish i could disappear . ’ ‘ ego crush is so severe . ’ ‘ god , it's brutal out here . ’ ‘ i feel like no one wants me . ’ ‘ and i hate the way i'm perceived . ’ ‘ i only have two real friends . ’ ‘ lately , i'm a nervous wreck . ’ ‘ i'm not cool , and i'm not smart , and i can't even parallel park . ’ ‘ got a broken ego , and broken heart . ’ ‘ god , i don't even know where to start . ’

002. TRAITOR . ‘ i played dumb , but i always knew . ’ ‘ i kept quiet so i could keep you . ’ ‘ ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits ?? ’ ‘ ain't it funny how you said you were friends ?? now it sure as hell don't look like it . ’ ‘ you betrayed me . ’ ‘ i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way i hurt . ’ ‘ you talked to her when we were together . ’ ‘ loved you at your worst , but that didn't matter . ’ ‘ it took you two weeks to go off and date her . ’ ‘ guess you didn't cheat , but you're still a traitor . ’ ‘ there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly . ’ ‘ remember i brought her up and you told me i was paranoid ?? ’ ‘ god , i wish that you had thought this through before i went and fell in love with you . ’ ‘ you gave me your word , but that didn't matter . ’ 003. DRIVERS LICENSE . ‘ i got my driver's license last week . ’ ‘ you were so excited for me . ’ ‘ and you're  probably  with  that blonde girl who  always made me  doubt . ’ ‘ she's everything i'm insecure about . ’ ‘ how could i ever love someone else ?? ’ ‘ i know we weren't perfect but i've never felt this way for no one . ’ ‘ i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that i'm gone . ’ ‘ guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me . ’ ‘ you said forever , now i drive alone past your street . ’ ‘ all my friends are tired of hearing how much i miss you . ’ ‘ they'll never know you the way that i do . ’ ‘ today , i drove through the suburbs and pictured i was driving home to you . ’ ‘ i still fuckin' love you , babe . ’ ‘ i still hear your voice in the traffic . ’ ‘ i know we're through but i still fuckin' love you . ’

004. 1 STEP FORWARD , 3 STEPS BACK . ‘ all i did was speak normally . somehow , i still struck a nerve . ’ ‘ you got me fucked up in the head , boy . ’ ‘ never doubted myself so much . ’ ‘ am i pretty ?? am i fun ?? ’ ‘ i hate that i give you power over that kinda stuff . ’ ‘ it's always one step forward and three steps back . ’ ‘ i'm the love of your life until i make you mad . ’ ‘ do you love me , want me , hate me ?? ’ ‘ i don't understand . ’ ‘ maybe in some masochistic way i kind of find it all exciting . ’ ‘ which lover will i get today ?? ’ ‘ will you walk me to the door or send me home crying ?? ’ ‘ did i say something wrong ?? ’ ‘ it's back and forth , going over everything i said . ’ ‘ did i do something wrong ?? ’ ‘ maybe this is all your fault instead . ’ ‘ i'd leave you , but the rollercoaster's all i've ever had . ’

005. DEJA VU . ‘ so when you gonna tell her that we did that too ?? ’ ‘ that was our place , i found it first . ’ ‘ i made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you . ’ ‘ do you get déjà vu when she’s with you ?? ’ ‘ do you get déjà vu ?? ’ ‘ do you call her , almost say my name ?? ’ ‘ let's be honest , we kinda do sound the same . ’ ‘ i hate to think that i was just your type . ’ ‘ now i bet you even tell her how you love her . ’ ‘ don't act like we didn't do that shit too . ’ ‘ you're tradin' jackets like we used to do . ’ ‘ a different girl now , but there's nothing new . ’ ‘ i know you get déjà vu . ’

006. GOOD 4 U . ‘ good for you , i guess you moved on really easily . ’ ‘ you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks . ’ ‘ remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world ?? ’ ‘ good for you , i guess that you've been workin' on yourself . ’ ‘ i guess that therapist i found for you , she really helped . ’ ‘ now you can be a better man for your brand new girl . ’ ‘ well , good for you you look happy and healthy , not me , if you ever cared to ask . ’ ‘ good for you you're doin' great out there without me , baby , god , i wish that i could do that . ’ ‘ i've lost my mind , i've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom . ’ ‘ you're so unaffected , i really don't get it but i guess good for you . ’ ‘ well , good for you , i guess you're gettin' everything you want . ’ ‘ it's like we never even happened baby , what the fuck is up with that ?? ’ ‘ good for you , it's like you never even met me . ’ ‘ remember when you swore to god i was the only person who ever got you ?? well , screw that , and screw you . ’ ‘ you will never have to hurt the way you know that i do !! ’ ‘ maybe i'm too emotional but your apathy's like a wound in salt . ’ ‘ maybe i'm too emotional or maybe you never cared at all . ’ ‘ maybe i'm too emotional . ’ ‘ your apathy is like a wound in salt . ’ ‘ maybe you never cared at all . ’ ‘ good for you you're doin' great out there without me , baby , like a damn sociopath . ’

007. ENOUGH FOR YOU . ‘ i wore makeup when we dated 'cause i thought you'd like me more . ’ ‘ tried so hard to be everything that you  liked . ’ ‘ i knew how you took your coffee and your favorite songs by heart . ’ ‘ i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that i was smart . ’ ‘ i knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave . ’ ‘ you found someonе more exciting the nеxt second , you were gone . ’ ‘ you left me there cryin' , wonderin' what i did wrong . ’ ‘ and you always say i'm never satisfied but i don't think that's true . ’ ‘ all i ever wanted was to be enough for you . ’ ‘ and maybe i'm just not as interesting as the girls you had before . ’ ‘ but god , you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more . ’ ‘ i'd say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that . ’ ‘ i don't want your sympathy , i just want myself back . ’ ‘ i just want myself back . ’ ‘ don't you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded ?? ’ ‘ don't you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing ?? ’ ‘ but don't tell me you're sorry . ’ ‘ feel sorry for yourself . ’ ‘ someday , i'll be everything to somebody else . ’ ‘ you say i'm never satisfied but that's not me , it's you . ’ ‘ all i ever wanted was to be enough . ’ ‘ i don't think anything could ever be enough for you . ’ ‘ nothing's enough for you . ’

008. HAPPIER . ‘ you've moved on , found someone new . ’ ‘ i thought my heart was detached from all the  sunlight  of  our past . ’ ‘ does she mean you forgot about me ?? ’ ‘ i hope you're happy but not like how you were with me . ’ ‘ i'm selfish , i know , i can't let you go . ’ ‘ find someone great , but don't find no one better . ’ ‘ i hope you're happy , but don't be happier . ’ ‘ do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen ?? ’ ‘ remember when i believed you meant it when you said it first to me ?? ’ ‘ and now i'm pickin' her apart like cuttin' her down will make you miss my wretched heart . ’ ‘ she's beautiful , she looks kind ... she probably gives you butterflies . ’ ‘ i wish you all the best , really . ’ ‘ say you love her , just not like you loved me . ’ ‘ think of me fondly when your hands are on her . ’

009. JEALOUSY , JEALOUSY . ‘ i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room . ’ ‘ i know their beauty's not  my  lack . ’ ‘ i can't let it go . ’ ‘ comparison is killin' me slowly . ’ ‘ i think i think too much 'bout kids who don't know me . ’ ‘ i'm so sick of myself . ’ ‘ i'd rather be anyone else . ’ ‘ my jealousy started followin' me . ’ ‘ i'm happy for them , but then again , i'm not . ’ ‘ oh god , i sound crazy . ’ ‘ their win is not my loss . ’ ‘ i can't help gettin' caught up in it all . ’ ‘ all your friends are so cool , you go out every night . ’ ‘ you're livin' the life . ’ ‘ i wanna be you so bad and i don't even know you . ’ ‘ all i see is what i should be: happier . prettier . ’ ‘ all i see is what i should be . ’ ‘ i'm losin' it , all i get's jealousy . ’

010. FAVORITE CRIME . ‘ know that i loved you so bad i let you treat me like that . ’ ‘ i was your willing accomplice . ’ ‘ i watched as you fled the scene . ’ ‘ one heart broke , four hands bloody . ’ ‘ the things i did just so i could call you mine . ’ ‘ the things you did … well , i hope i was your favorite crime . ’ ‘ you used me as an alibi . ’ ‘ i defended you to all my friends . ’ ‘ now every time a siren sounds i wondеr if you're around . ’ ‘ 'cause you know that i'd do it all again . ’ ‘ i hope i was your favorite crime . ’ ‘ it's bittersweet to think about the damage that we'd do . ’ ‘ i was goin' down , but i was doin' it with you . ’ ‘ i say that i hate you with a smile on my face . ’ ‘ look what we became . ’ ‘ i hope i was your favorite crime , 'cause baby , you were mine . ’

011. HOPE UR OK . ‘ his parents cared more about the bible than being good to their own child . ’ ‘ he wore long sleeves 'cause of his dad . ’ ‘ somehow , we fell out of touch . ’ ‘ don't know if i'll see you again someday but if you're out there , i hope that you're okay . ’ ‘ she raised her brothers on hеr own . ’ ‘ she couldn't wait to go to college . ’ ‘ she was brought into a world where family was merely blood . ’ ‘ we don't talk much , but i just gotta say i miss you and i hope that you're okay . ’ ‘ nothing's forever , nothing is as good as it seems . ’ ‘ well , i hope you know how proud i am you were created . ’ ‘ but , god , i hope that you're happier today . ’ ‘ 'cause i love you and i hope that you're okay . ’

#sour sentence starters #sour meme #lyrics meme #rp meme #ask meme #sentence starters #rp starters #lyric starters #music starters #this has been sitting in my drafts since this album came out

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thesoundofanicefall · 3 years ago

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Hello dear anons!!! (oh shit too many asks!) sorry for the late respons btw I was seriously too busy nowadays... But oh god really so many asks!

Ok let me to start one by one then!

1- Mmh... I don't know if you have the same term in your language or not dear anon but I'll try my best to explain this way and in short that Shinya didn't meant what he said by words but he meant that as a paradoxial way which he actually meant "yeah you always take the whole blames yourself although it is not actually or fully your fault." this is a kind of paradox sentence people use.

2- why not dear anon? He is kind, gentle, stabborn as hell, sweetheart idiot who wants to save everyone and everything even his enemies, never gives up no matter what and even if he literary can't, because he is human and feel guilty over everything even before anything starts and not like an asshole trying to show everything the others fault, he is strong and is not a coward and doesn't run away from the problems, he is selfless, loves his family to no end, do whatever to fix his mistakes and shoulder his sins and never try to show it the others faults and... So yeah why not actually? If I want to really write all the reasons you need to stay here for more than a whole week so I would explain completely

3- oh my gosh🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 damn if I become a teacher someday which is impossible because I already chose my job years ago I wouldn't be like this seriously I would be even a lazy teacher probably😂🙌

4- well dear anon my idea base on the Catastrophe manga and novels is that the theory is basically wrong because first this was clearly mentioned that Shinya's heart stopped completely and Ferid by squeezing it could make it work again and Shinya wasn't breathing and all plus in Catastrophe at 16 manga chapter when Guren decided to sucide with Mahiru, Goshi mentioned that no matter if Guren has a strong black demon as Noya still with that heigh Guren was going to absolutely die and that was why Mahiru didn't let him to do that and kill himself

so it clearly shows that no matter what, the demons also have their own limits too and can't heal major wounds just like the one Shinya had at the end of Catastrophe at 16 novel.

5- dear anon did you watch or read JJK or AOT till now? Both those mangas have a side but important manga specially JJK which without it the story would be half ended that's why again specially for JJK we had the JJK0 movie which is availabe for people now and then we have the next season because till people don't watch or read about that part of manga they won't understand the new season and so this is exactly same for ONS too with ONS can't have a new season although we will have Catastrophe at 16 manga as an anime first or if the new season will drop no one won't understand the story clearly specially those who even didn't read the main manga and doesn't know that Kagami sensei emphasised that we have to read Catastrophe at 16 manga too (and the story of Vampire Mikaela as a movie probably too)

Oh damn too long now...! Hope the answers were useful dear anons!!

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duskamethyst · 4 years ago

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make it right.

a/n: i was on a writing high. i initially hated this so much but ended up with 12 pages long.

word count: 5.1k

genre: mature, smut, nsfw, angst to fluff

warnings: mentions of abortion, pregnancy

pairing: hawks x f!reader

𝅘𝅥𝅮 music rec: the reason by hoobastank 𝅘𝅥𝅮

summary: you told keigo that you’re carrying his child but he didn’t take it well. five years later he shows up in front of your door after being invited by his son and says he wants to fix everything.

you lean down towards the counter as you concentrate on creating pretty swirls of cream on the cake you baked with a piping bag. the dining table is full of food, a feast almost too huge for only two people, but you have a good excuse. it is a special day. your son’s fifth birthday to be exact.

kids these days can be ruthless and your son doesn’t get along very well with the other kids from his kindergarten. they like picking on others that seem too fragile, too quiet – criteria that fits him well and it doesn’t help with the fact that they know he’s growing up without a father. your child never opened up to you about the constant mocking he faced until one day you overheard him sobbing through his pillow in his own room. it was dark, though the door was still open by an inch to allow a small amount of light to penetrate into the room whenever he slept. he said he wanted to sleep earlier because he was tired but the muffling sounds he tried to conceal betrayed his efforts when you passed by later that night.

it made you angry and disappointed in yourself. you really tried your best to juggle between being a mom and a dad at the same time, keeping an eye on your child and working your ass off to make a living for the two of you. you’d always put up a tough front, never broke down in front of him when you were dead tired from being overworked and the thought of him trying to not make you worry, shattered your heart into pieces. you know that all he deserves is a good life and you constantly blame yourself for not being good enough, mostly angry at your past self for not even knowing how to make good decisions and think things through.

if only you could turn back time, you would tell yourself to never get involved with a pro hero – to never get involved with someone who feels so responsible for other strangers’ lives but not their own child’s.

were you being selfish? for not understanding that his work always comes first? he can’t possibly have a family when he has villains out there that need to be put in their right place for their crimes. were you expecting too much from him?

“can’t you… get rid of it?” he muttered. his cold words felt like a sharp blade that just stabbed you in the heart. never once you thought that he would say that. how easy was it for him to ask you to throw out another life like it meant nothing?

“keigo, you can’t be serious.” you shook your head, your legs were already wobbling and you felt sick to your stomach. this news should be happy for the both of you but unfortunately, you two weren’t on the same page.

was it your fault? keigo never spoke about having a child together but he always said he’d love to build a family with you someday – he loved you, he would always protect you and be there for you. sure, it was a slip up this time. you always made sure to take proper measures to avoid pregnancy from happening but you were also more than glad to bear this child and you were convinced that keigo would be happy about it as much as you were. he loved you so much, after all.

“i don’t think…” he stammered, trying to find the right words. “give me some time.”

your lips pursed into a thin line, hands clenching hard and knuckles turning white. think? the uncertainty in his voice was already giving you the obvious answer. he couldn’t even look you in the eyes. he never wanted this.

“save the trouble, keigo.” you spat. “how about i’ll just leave so you don’t even have to think at all?”

keigo finally lifted up his head to look at you with wavering eyes, but he still couldn’t find the words to say, to comfort you. “what are you saying?”

“i’m still going to have this child. even if it means i have to do it alone.” with a sharp breath, you turned around towards the door.

you heard a frustrating sigh coming from your back, “you know i can’t. you know damn well that i have my job as a hero and i can’t look after… after a child!”

“but it’s your child keigo!” you turned around to scream and look at him again, tears already welling in your eyes, threatening to pour out.

“and what difference does that make?!” he yelled back. “in fact, that’s even worse!”

the room was quiet as the both of you just stood there. keigo slowly realizing what just came out of his mouth in the heat of the moment while you just stared at him in disbelief. both were standing stunned and speechless from what he clearly said. that was it, you thought.

“fuck you.” you cursed under your breath and immediately left his place, not even sparing a look back.

if he was sorry, he would chase after you. if he didn’t mean it, he would look everywhere for you.

but none of that happened.

you ended up going back to your hometown after that. it was shameful, to finally see your parents again but just to cry on their feet as soon as you saw their faces and telling them that you were carrying an illegitimate child. it was devastating for them initially but thankfully they easily accepted it, welcoming you to stay over at their place with open arms so they could help you throughout your pregnancy until the baby was born and grown. above all, you were still their daughter. living far away, your parents had never met keigo and they were shocked to know that you were having the no.2 pro hero’s baby but also disappointed at how he reacted when you told him the news.

however, what was done is done and you can only manage to move forward by raising the child with your utmost capability. you promised yourself that you’ll protect and raise this child with as much love and care a mother can offer. whatever it takes, even if you’ll have to do it by yourself.

you ended up living with your parents until your son turned four and decided to live independently, not wanting to burden them any longer. they didn’t want to let you go, the presence of the child brought so much joy in their daily lives. he was a bundle of sunshine and they loved him so much.

and kyō is just beautiful.

keigo’s genes manage to overpower your son compared to yours. fluffy but shorter blonde hair, dark and sharp on the inner corner of the eyes and not to forget the red wings on his back. it isn’t as big as keigo’s yet but it still stands out. although he takes on your personality more, every part of him reminds you of keigo and sometimes it feels like a jab to your chest. it hurts to be reminded of the man that hurt you and told you to get rid of the child you were bearing so ruthlessly.

throughout the years, you tried to make peace with the past. at first, it was hard to look at the news and see his face. he was almost everywhere, a lot of stores also sold his merchandise and his face even covered the magazines-- you realized you couldn’t escape him, your past. although he’s in the limelight, the media was still unaware about his private life and you were glad alas the similar features of kyō to the pro hero made some passersby and mothers at the park question you. fortunately, you already came up with a bullshit excuse like “he is such a big fan of hawks and he cosplays him every day… and oh, the wings are fake too.”

of course, strangers weren’t the only ones who inquired about it. even the little child himself could smartly notice his resemblance with the pro hero.

as soon as he first saw hawks on tv, he went on and on about how they looked so much alike. he was beyond fascinated, he could barely understand what the news was talking about at the time but being on the screen was more than enough to make him understand that hawks was an amazing guy. his eyes would twinkle in wonder when the news caught footage of him flying in the air with his red wings spreading graciously. if anything at all, kyō just couldn’t wait to flap his own smaller wings soon.

then one thing led to another. a question that any curious child would ask their parents about.

oftentimes kyō would ask you about his dad. why didn’t he have one like the other children he played with at the park and oftentimes you would try to avoid the topic and shrugged it off with a lame joke saying how you were also his dad and how you were powerful to have two bodies in one unlike other people.

he ended up growing tired of it one day, crying to you and asked if the reason why he didn’t have one was because he didn’t love him – something he heard one of the kids said. it broke you and you were lost for words. you called your parents for support and after much discussion, your mother thought he deserved to at least know the truth and you did just that.

luckily, he took it surprisingly well. even his little brain can comprehend the job of a top hero, he understood that it was a lot of work and keigo was often busy and far away. it was less to his liking when you made him promise you to not tell anyone about it and he should keep it as a secret because bad guys would chase after him if another single soul would know and his dad did it to protect him. it was a bad lie, but still, you had to do it.

later, kyō realized that his birthday was coming soon. he knew what he had always wanted. he didn’t know if he could have it but maybe… maybe if he tried and wished hard enough, it would come true.

he sneakily took your phone to look up “hawks'' on your phone, though at first he was only shown results and pictures of the literal bird before smartly adding “pro hero” at the back. with limited comprehension, he eventually managed to find the agency’s website before scrolling further to find the address to the agency and scribbled it down on a piece of paper.

“daddy?!” the bell has been ringing for a few times but you were too concentrated on decorating the birthday cake to even hear it but your son’s small wings flutter in excitement as he runs across the hallway to open the door.

your heart stops for a second. was that the reason why your son was pacing around the living room? you’re not expecting any guests for tonight’s dinner at all, especially the father of your child.

“hey! i got your letter!” the familiar excited tone of his voice bursts from the door as he speaks. he kneels down eye-level as his son and gives him a big hug. “happy birthday.”

“what letter?” you break into the conversation, arms folded in front of your chest as you lean against the wall with an unamused expression written across your face.

“i wrote daddy a letter!” your son says proudly, but you can already imagine the horrible squiggly lines on the handwritten letter.

“and you gave me a picture too. you look exactly like me, am so happy!” keigo chuckles, ruffling the hair of his boy, eliciting little giggles from the other. it’s a beautiful sight and it makes your heart ache a little at the image of what it could’ve been. if only he was fully ready to accept the fact that he was gonna bear a child. if only he knew how to balance between his career and personal life. you could’ve had the most beautiful family you’ve ever dreamed of.

“honey, can you go to your room for a bit? your daddy and i have to talk.” you say softly, hoping that he won’t take it any other way.

“am i.. in trouble?” kyō turns to you with a frown and puppy eyes – which he knows well that it would always work on you and it’s almost adorable how it’s exactly what keigo would do whenever he makes you annoyed with his antics. it’s just one of his ways to apologize to you.

you sigh and shake your head, “no. we’re gonna talk about…” you glance elsewhere as you think of an excuse. “your surprise present!”

“it’s not a surprise anymore if you say it like that, mommy!” the child laughs and scurries to his room as told and the both of you watch him with a smile tugged on your lips.

you turn back to keigo with a dour expression as soon as your son closes the door to his room, causing him to fidget a bit from his spot. he hasn’t seen it for years, after all. he’s about to pull you into a hug but instead, you quickly turn your heels around towards the kitchen.

“i still have things to do. either you help me with it or leave.”

he quickly takes off his shoes and follows you, taking in the view around the house before he enters the kitchen. the atmosphere is stuffy and tense while you sit on the stool to continue decorating the cake.

“you can help by setting up the plates. top cabinet.” you break the awkward silence and keigo obliges, he reaches the cabinet to take out the available plates and put them nicely around the table.

“you made it yourself?” he tries to make a conversation as he glances at you working on the cake.

“yeah.” you simply reply without taking your eyes off from your work.

“it’s nice. chocolate?”

“obviously.”

keigo sighs from the underwhelming response, “i know you don’t want me here but –”

“no shit.” you almost slam the table but quickly recompose yourself by taking a deep breath. for the sake of your son, you know you shouldn’t get into an argument right now, at least not today.

“look, i’ll leave as soon as this is over if that’s what you want.”

you glare at him, “it’s more than what i want right now,” then it’s your turn to sigh. “but i doubt that’s what kyō would want.”

keigo already knows his name from the letter but his lips etch into a warm smile at the sound of the name you’ve given to the-- his child and a small part of him wishes that he was there in the process of choosing a name for the boy together with you.

“okay, just for tonight. we’ll pretend like we’re a happy family.” you stand up from the stool after putting the last candle and set the cake in the middle of the table.

“...and what if we don’t have to?” he blurts out after a brief and quiet moment, immediately catching your attention. he notices the puzzled look on your face and continues, “what if we really start being a happy family from now and onwards?”

you blink once, twice. for a second, you feel a heavy pang in your chest as your brain processes the words that just came out from his mouth. it’s like déjà vu, only this time keigo has certainty in his voice.

the room falls dead silent again as you stare at each other. you’re finding words and about to open your mouth to say something but kyō suddenly interrupts from the corner of the kitchen and both of your attentions quickly turn to him.

“mommy..? i’m hungry.”

“oh, sweetheart. you’re just in time!” you walk up to kyō to carry him in your arms before bringing him to the dining table. his eyes sparkle at the variety of food spread across the table and his wings flutter in excitement.

“can you help light up the candles? the lighter is in the drawer.” you usher to keigo as you show your son his favorite food you made earlier while keigo quickly rummages through the drawer. he lights up each candle as you put down kyō on one of the chairs before he stands on his knees to reach close enough to blow the candles. the both of you excitedly sing happy birthday and clap your hands as he blows off the candles after a brief moment for a wish.

“what did you wish for?” keigo asks, affectionately patting kyō on the head.

“i wish to be a hero like daddy!” he exclaims, arms and wings spread in enthusiasm. a bittersweet feeling engulfs him-- a part of him is disappointed and ashamed of himself while another part of him is elated and relieved that he’s still looked up upon by his own child. in the corner of his heart, keigo thinks he doesn’t deserve it. kyō is a splitting image of himself (minus the color of his eyes that he takes after you) and it easily brings back visions of him from the past. he wanted to be a hero too, but his father wasn’t someone he could look up to. hence, making endeavor the only man he idolized.

he realizes he is lucky enough to be the person his son looks up to. he knows that this was what his own younger self would want. a father he can be proud of, a hero at that. keigo wants to make it right with whatever it’ll take.

the night proceeds smoothly, all three of you have fun together like any normal family would and bonding over lost times. keigo is thoughtful (though his choice seems a little bit conceited) enough to give kyō a present; an action figure of himself. unknowingly, the walls that you built around you by the time keigo arrived earlier slowly crumbles and you grow less wary around him as time ticks by. when it’s bedtime for the boy, keigo insists on putting him to bed so he can spend more time with him which you gladly consented to so you can also continue cleaning up the kitchen.

a set of footsteps coming down the stairs can be heard as you’re seated on one of the stools while sipping tea.

“want some tea?” you offer without turning around to look at the male.

“sure.” he says as he walks up to you.

you can feel his tall and lean build ghosting you from the back as you pour a cup for him but his hands suddenly reach your shoulders and give them light squeezes.

“what are you doing?” you ask quizzically, glancing at the hand on your shoulder.

“giving you a massage.” he smiles innocently as he continues pressing on the knot in your stiff shoulders, making you sigh in reflex.

“trying to get on my good side?” you say in a mocking tone.

“hmm, just showing my appreciation to you.” his hands move lower to your spine, your back arches a little as he presses down your aching muscles.

“you’re five years too late, keigo.” you sneer but welcome his service as you close your eyes and hum in content. it’s not that bad, you assure yourself in your head.

keigo diligently continues to massage your back as the kitchen now fills with your quiet sighs and whimpers whenever he rubs on the sore spot. without you realizing, he slyly pulls the collar of your baggy shirt down and plants soft kisses on your bare shoulder.

“k-keigo?” you immediately open your eyes and flinch at the sudden touch.

he remains quiet while his hands work up and down your arms gently and his lips move further up to your earlobe, sending tingling sensations down to your core and you can already feel your nipples harden underneath your shirt.

“relax.” his hot breath fans over your ear as he whispers. your cheeks are already burning red and you’re out of sarcastic remarks as you can only find yourself to indulge into his touches.

you gasp in surprise when keigo’s hands sneakily move under your shirt and quickly unsnaps your bra. he massages your breasts and kneads them gently before teasing your erect nipple between his fingers. your hands firmly clenches the edge of the island to hold yourself as he nips on the crook of your neck, just gently to carefully not leave a mark.

“you want more, babybird?” he coos as he realizes that your thighs are pressing against each other. as much as you hate to admit it, the nostalgic pet name tugs on your heartstrings and you find yourself melting after hearing it after years again.

feeling embarrassed, you quietly nod your head.

“i can’t hear you.” a teasing tone lingers in his voice. he knows what he’s doing and you hate him for it.

“more, keigo...” you whine. it sounds so innocent and adorable but it absolutely makes his cock twitch. noticing that you’ve been avoiding looking at him the whole time, he uses one of his hands to make you look at him and grins when he catches the red tint spread across your face before he presses his lips onto yours.

the traces of your ego make you hesitate at first but you’re quick to lose it as he deepens it, as if to send you a silent message of how much he misses you while his tongue intertwines with yours.

one of his hands remains to massage your mound while the other travels down south to easily part your legs and cups your heated sex. keigo rubs the clit against the fabric of your pants, eliciting breathy moans from your lips between kisses. you pull away and lean back to his body as he slides his hand under your pants, feeling the wet patch that is already staining your underwear.

“already wet from all of that?” he says playfully, taking out his hand to look at the damp juices as he rubs it between his fingers.

“says the man that was grinding his cock on my back.” you roll your eyes halfheartedly, missing the faint blush that becomes apparent on his cheeks.

keigo then reaches for the cups in front of you and pushes them aside before lifting you up on the kitchen island, making you turn towards him. he swiftly pulls down your pants along with your underwear, your cunt bare and glistening under the lights for him to see.

his golden irises lock with yours as he kicks the stool to the side and crouches down to spread your thighs apart. he starts to lap off your juices, tongue alternating between your throbbing clit and hole. your elbows help to prop you up as your head hangs back and your eyes close in pure bliss.

keigo smacks and clenches your thighs to draw your attention to him, “baby, look at me.”

you submissively lift your head to look at him, eyes locking with each other again as he watches you squirm on the tongue flicking your clit and eats you out like a starved man having his first meal after a long day.

you grab a lock of his blonde hair in one hand, pushing him closer as your legs tremble around his head, feeling the bubbling sensation of your orgasm building up.

“mmh – gonna cum!” you cry out in ecstasy, instantly forgetting the people next door and your son that’s sound asleep on the upper floor as you chase after your high.

keigo smoothly slides two fingers inside your pussy and your hips begin to grind desperately onto them. he knows you’re close when he feels the walls clenching around him and with another suck on the clit, he quickly gets to tip you over the edge.

“so good for me.” he coos as he pulls away, licking his fingers clean before carrying your panting body in his arms and walks over to sprawl your body on the couch. he hovers on top of you and kisses you again while his hands work on unzipping and taking off his lower garments to free his throbbing cock.

he smears the precum by pumping his cock as he watches you down, adoring the look of absolute bliss on your face and half lidded eyes that he longed for over the years.

“my songbird,” he purrs as he leans down to you and lines his cock with your wet cunt, “you’re so beautiful.”

if you’re already red, the endearing pet name makes you even redder. your gaze avoids his to hide your embarrassment but he only draws it back gently by your chin with his thumb and finger.

“don’t you miss me?” his brows furrowed as he searches your face. you can only stare back into his eyes – bright irises filled with nothing but genuine curiosity and desolation.

your lips pull into a thin line as you ponder for a moment, promptly unable to vocalize like earlier. it’s as if you let even one word escape your mouth, it would make you burst into tears instead. of course you missed him. your mind often wondered if he even thought of you at least once. even when you did make peace with the past, you still couldn’t bring yourself to be the one to make the first step. ego is an ugly thing and you were certain that keigo should be the one to look for you even if it was hard for him since you just disappeared out of his life.

noticing the reluctance to give him an answer, he shushes you. “it’s okay.” he kisses you sweetly on your nose. “but let me show how much i’ve missed you.”

he trails open mouthed kisses down your jaw, neck and collarbone as your hands run through his hair and down to his back. a soft whine manages to escape from your mouth when he nibbles on the soft flesh of your neck, instantly marking it red this time.

his mouth then latches onto your nipple through your shirt, making you squirm beneath him. your hands clenches to the fabric of his shirt when you feel his fingers teasingly dancing between your wet folds and his thumb ghosting over your clit.

keigo gives you a kiss on the lips again before pulling away, the cushion dips as he props himself on the knees, rubbing his hard cock against your wet slits and smearing it with your juices.

a low hiss slips from his lips as he slowly prods in the tip of his cock and your expression twists into discomfort as you feel him stretch you out more – a familiar mixture of pain and pleasure that you haven’t felt for a while.

keigo waits for you to adjust and as soon as you give him the greenlight, he continues to completely balls deep inside you.

“babybird, you feel so good.” he grunts as he bucks his hips and slowly starts to move.

you bite your lower lip hard, enough to draw blood as you try to stifle your moans. keigo leans down to kiss you while your arms find themselves wrapping around his neck. he thrusts harder and faster and your whimpers and whines finally find themselves shamelessly slipping past from your mouth.

“fucking– hah– perfect.” he pants as he pulls away to look at your flustered face, eyes half closed and mouth agape with pleasure.

you quickly bury your face on the crook of his neck and hold onto him tighter while your legs wrap securely around his waist. keigo moves his thumb on your clit, pressing down and rubbing circles all to entice nothing but tightening the coil down in your core more.

“keigo, keigo –” you cry as your nails dig the fabric on his back and your toes curl to the intense sensation.

“baby wants to cum?” he growls as he feels your walls clamping around his cock, making him buck his hips even wilder.

“yesyesyes – oh god, keigo!” your mind turns putty and unable to form any more coherent words, making only his name being the only thing you remember as your eyes close shut while you’re nearing your high.

“that’s it – baby. cum on my cock.” he encourages and you do just that. your pussy flutters as you finally reach your orgasm but his sporadic thrusts doesn’t stop until it starts to falter and his wings tremble.

“fuck. i’m gonna fill you up.” he grits through his teeth and his cock twitches before his wings spread wider as he releases his warm cum inside you.

the both of your bodies stay against each other, chests heaving for air before he briefly pulls out his cock and lays on top of your chest.

“yes.” your voice suddenly croaks, breaking the almost silent air in the room if not for the sound of yours and his breathing.

keigo lifts up his head to look at you confusingly before a lopsided smile curls on his lips when he hears you utter the next few words.

“yes. i missed you and i don’t want to pretend anymore.” you suddenly feel overwhelmed and tears start to well in your eyes. a flash of panic crosses his face and he pulls you closer into his embrace, hoping to calm you down as you sniffle on his chest.

“shh, baby. i’m sorry. i know it’s too late and i was so fucking stupid but i’ll – ”

“i want to live as a happy family with you, keigo.” you cut him off, sobbing through his shirt. he pulls away at once to look at you, unable to believe what he just heard through the choking sob but it still makes even him want to cry.

“babybird, i – ” he’s completely tongue-tied. at this point he can only manage to lean down to be close to you again. he peppers kisses all over your face, saying how thankful and happy he is.

“i love you, my little bird. i won’t fuck up this time, i promise.” he whispers, finally regaining his composure.

that night, keigo could barely sleep a wink. so many thoughts are running through his head. he glances at you sleeping peacefully next to him on the bed and he already pictures how it is to be waking up to see your face every morning. he also hopes that kyō doesn’t know how to fly yet so he could teach him how to use his wings. oh, he’ll also get to find an excuse to buy more buckets of chickens once you three will start living together.

he can already imagine how the headlines will be bombarded about him having a family and he sighs at the thought, but he hopes that his publicist is ready for a hell lot of work.

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elvish-sky · 4 years ago

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The Beating of Your Hearts, Together {Kíli x Reader}

A.N: Guess who finally wrote something like a ✨productive✨ human?! Wow. That was an emotional rollercoaster that I loved. This became such a therapeutic fic, so much of it is based on my own experiences and that nightmare is one that I get at least once a week. But I liked getting to imagine Kíli bringing me out of it, that helped. And the ending is very much the hopeless romantic in me coming out, I desperately want to have that with someone someday. So I really hope you like this outpouring of both the good and bad parts of my soul. Enjoy.

Requested by @lothloriien on Tumblr: hey I saw you were still taking requests, so could you maybe do a kíli/reader where the reader is being comforted (like after a panic attack or nightmare)? don’t worry about it if you can’t, but if you get around to it that would be awesome. thanks :)

Word Count: 1,270

Pairing: Kíli x Reader

Summary: Kíli hears the sound of sobbing coming from your room, and investigates.

Warnings: Nightmare, Panic Attack, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

**** The Beating of Your Hearts, Together

You were trapped. Darkness wrapped around you, engulfing you in pitch-black, not letting you go. Your breath rattled in your ears, in and out, in and out, in and out, in- and you held it because you could hear something advancing through the darkness, coming closer and ever closer and closer and closer, muttering the words that you heard night after night about how it was all your fault and you were a failure and you heard the scrape of something on stone as it came closer and closer and you strained your eyes but all you could see was that same darkness and suddenly-

You woke up sobbing. Tears streaked your face as you curled up as tight as possible, knees to your chest, convulsing and shaking as you tried to claw your brain out of the pit that the dream had buried it in. But you couldn’t, it was right. So you lay there, sobs wracking your body, brain lying in the self-made hole of shame you so often found yourself in. You cried and cried, tears streaming down your face, still there, still sobbing with nothing to show for it, glistening tracks on your face drying up as you shook, ears covered, eyes shut tight to ignore the existence of all else as you lay there, tense, terrified.

And yet some part of your brain was aware and ashamed of the weakness you were showing even though no one was there to see it.

And you lay there, brain trapped in that vicious circle as your nails dug into your palms as you sobbed.

Sound asleep one moment, wide awake the next, Kíli bolted up from his bed. Unsure of what had caused his quick rise from unconsciousness, he listened. Through the night air, he could hear the sounds of sobbing traveling in the wind. He grabbed an extra tunic, unaware of where exactly he was going, but prepared to go outside nonetheless.

Opening his door, Kíli heard the sounds of crying grow louder, and followed them to another door a little ways down the hall. Your door. He took a deep breath and knocked.

Nothing happened.

So, gently, he pushed it open, revealing you curled into a tight ball on your bed, sobbing.

“Oh, Y/N.”

Hyperaware, you flinched as you heard your name, soft footsteps following it closer to your bed as you sobbed. You felt the weight of the bed shift as someone sat on it, and a hand gently rest on your shoulder.

“Hey, Y/N,” The person whispered, “What do you need?”

You didn’t respond, your brain still stuck in that dark pit of despair, sinking to the deep depths of devastation you were so used to.

You felt the hand on your shoulder move to your back, and start to rub circles, starting from one shoulder blade and making the way around to the other.

It had to be Kíli then. He was the only person who knew that was how to calm you down, the circles reeling you back up out of that pit. And, slowly but surely, they did. Kíli’s quiet voice comforting you and his hand on your back started to break through the dark fog in your brain. Your sobs started to fade, your body started to unclench as he soothed you, murmuring the whole time.

Kíli saw your eyes start to open.

“Hey, Y/N,” he murmured, “Are you okay?”

You sniffled. “I- I’m not sure.”

He nodded, “Okay. What do you need?”

You blinked at him, not believing that he was actually here, but wanting to all the same.

He noticed this and very slowly moved so that he sat on your bed, leaning up against your wall.

“C’mere, Y/N. I’m here.”

Hesitantly, you moved closer to him. He moved to wrap an arm around your waist and paused to see if you were okay with it. Seeing you nod, he pulled you closer to him, letting you rest your head on his chest with his arm around you. The sound of his breath rumbling in his chest calmed you even more until your own breathing was rhythmic and normal again.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You nodded, hesitantly. You’d never talked about it before with someone, but if you ever did, you thought Kíli would be the best to do it with.

You took a deep breath.

“It- it’s this recurring dream I have.”

He nodded.

“Where I’m trapped, no ropes actually restraining me, I just can’t m-move”

Your voice broke.

His hand started rubbing the circles on your back again, calming you enough to keep talking.

“And it’s dark. Pitch-black dark, where I can’t see anything no matter how hard I try. And something else is there. I don’t know what, but I can always feel that it’s bad. And it approaches me.”

Your voice was shaking as you started to choke up.

“And it comes closer, and I can hear it moving, and it tells me things. Horrible things. That I don’t matte-”

You broke off, unable to keep telling him the horrible contents of your brain, afraid he would leave and abandon you to the darkness once more.

But he stayed.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. And I know this might not help, but I’m going to tell you anyway. You do matter,” Kíli told you.

“You matter to me, to Fíli, to Thorin, to Balin, to Ori, to everyone in our crazy little family that we’ve made. But it doesn’t matter that we think you matter, it matters that you think you matter. Because you should love yourself, Y/N, you’re kind and sweet and funny and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He took a deep breath.

“Because I love you. I know that you hurt and I know that you struggle and I love you because of that. Because of everything that makes up who you are, the good, the bad, even the part of you that masterminds Fíli’s pranks. I love you, Y/N, and you should love you too.”

You were crying again and lifted your face to look into Kíli’s eyes.

He saw the tears brimming there, and his own eyes widened.

“Oh no, Y/N, please don’t cry, don’t cry, I love you.”

The panic on his face was adorable, and you giggled a little.

“You love me?” You weren’t sure if he’d meant it or not.

Kíli started to smile. “Yes. I always have, and I always will, and I’ll always be here for you.”

You took a deep breath, and for the first time in a long time, it didn’t hurt your heart.

“I love you too.”

Kíli’s smile was brighter than the sun.

And with that, your heart lifted a little. You lay there together, Kíli’s hand still tracing circles on your back until you had fallen asleep, only at which point he let himself drift into unconsciousness.

Kíli loved you, and you loved him. And you still had hard days, still woke up sobbing in the middle of the night, because loving and being loved doesn’t fix that. It was a struggle that you worked through every day. And you did a lot of it alone because only you could keep pulling yourself out of that pit. But you always had Kíli, there for you, willing to do whatever he could to help you along that journey. And you helped him in turn, sticking by him whenever it was tough but also when it wasn’t.

Because your hearts beat together. You and Kíli, together.

Forever.

Everything tag ❤️: @entishramblings @itgetsatadhazy @boyruins @anjhope1 @kumqu4t @katbby16 @thewhiteladyofrohan @kirstenscaffeinateddisaster @beenovel @shethereadinghobbit @guardianofrivendell @hey-its-nonny

Kíli tag: @claraofthepen

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stardustincarnate · 4 years ago

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EARLY TRYST // Light Yagami x Reader

word count : 4534 genre : fluff <333 ! crack-ish, pre-kira!light, all that mushy mushy stuff, best friends to lovers because who doesn’t love that trope?

a/n : i’m not sure if i’ve posted this here before but i’m fairly certain that i haven’t oh godric you’ll have to forgive me if i had --

Who wakes up 5:00 early on a Saturday morning just to bug their neighbor to have a match with them?

Technically, you did. You were bored, and the first thing that came to your mind was playing your favorite sport with one of your bestfriends, who's also your neighbor, Light. Surely he wouldn't mind, would he? But it mattered not since he also did the same to you back then, insisting you two bike together just because he wanted a companion and knew you wouldn't refuse. You were hella pissed even so, and now it's your turn to get revenge.

You brought a ladder, placing it just enough to reach the window to his bedroom on the second floor. You eventually climbed up, practically pressing your face against the window to get a clearer sight of him sleeping peacefully on his bed, his angelic face barely visible as it was partially covered with his blanket.

'Say goodbye to your sweet dreams, lover boy.'

You thought and knocked on the window loud enough for him to hear. Your first tries were futile so you knocked a little louder and more violent. To his dismay, Light woke up with a teeny-bit of panic in his chest. Creasing his eyebrow and squinting his eyes, he looked at the window, seeing a familiar figure. You snickered as he awakened, languidly making his way to the window, an irritated look on his face when he met your eyes.

He opened the window. "[Y/N], what the hell are you doing here? What time is it?"

"About time for you to play with me."

"Huh? Play with you? You're acting strangely childish. I was still sleeping." He clicked his tongue. You chuckled and shook your head. "Aw, sleeping beauty is upset because his dream was left unfinished. Don't worry, his dashing savior is here to make him feel better."

"You mean worse."

"Bad!" You playfully punched his shoulder. "Says the one who still has sleep in his eyes."

"Of course I have. You just woke me up." He scowled, turning his back at you and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, his face a little flushed.

"Heh, don't be shy!" You teased, wobbling a little in your position.

"I'm not shy! Tch, seriously though, you're in a ladder? You only made it harder for yourself when you could've just knocked on the main door. Mom and dad are already awake. They'd let you in."

"Eh? But I was shy- you know- err, how am I supposed to say 'Can I go to Light's room or something?'" You blushed a little. He hummed in response and gave an understanding look. "Come on in."

"I can't fit in here- just meet me outside. I'll wait for ya."

"You got yourself in this so don't turn back now. You can fit but in another position." Before you could reply, he suddenly grabbed your arms and indicated you to push your head inside. You did, whimpering as he pulled you in by grabbing you by the armpits, your faces almost bumping in the process. You gave a squeal as you felt your feet of the ladder, causing you to grip him tighter, almost hugging him-or maybe even inhaling him.

For a better description you basically looked like a flying fish from outside who's getting devoured by a portal.

With all his might, Light pulled you in until your whole body finally got inside. Of course, as he was secretly anticipating to, you both fell on the ground, with you on top of him, your head against his chest.

You immediately stood up and accidentally stepped on his ankle, resulting a loud whimper from him.

"Oof."

"That hurt, you know."

"Sorry. But-" You both heard a loud crash from outside. You were certain that the ladder you used had fallen, and it was so loud you swore some of your neighbors woke up. "...As I was saying... That was a dangerous way to get me inside. I could've fallen."

"Too bad you didn't."

"How rude!" You scoffed. You jauntily walked towards his bed, flopping down as if it's your own. It felt so soft, and it kinda smelled like him too.

You closed your eyes and spread your arms. His expression softened that he couldn't hide a smile which you thankfully didn't see. He cleared his throat and picked up a pillow, throwing it at your face.

"Hey, I'll go get some coffee. Want some?"

"I've already drank one, but sure!"

"No wonder you're already so hyper. Now get out of my bed."

"Fine." You scoffed and got up, walking behind him on the way downstairs, making yourself smaller so they wouldn't notice.

"Light! You're up early." Sachiko greeted.

"Yeah, and it's her fault." He slid right to reveal your cowering figure. You shyly greeted his mother, flushing pink. "Oh hello [Y/N]! I didn't see you come in. Were you in Light's room the whole night? You two had a sleep-over..?"

"No mom. Why would we do that? She just has her own ways of disturbing my sleep. Is dad still here?"

"He's on the living room and just about to leave. I'll make you two breakfast."

"That's not necessary. We just need some coffee, after that we'll.. What are we gonna do again?"

"Play badminton outside."

"It's still a bit dark, don't you think?"

"It's alright. The sun is about to rise. It'll rise quickly." Light replied to his mom, taking two cups and then pouring hot water on them. "Mild coffee [Y/N]?"

"Nope. Black coffee will do."

"Didn't you already-"

"It was creamy white. It was bland for my liking. I need something stronger." You cheekily replied. He sighed and started mixing your coffee and then his own. "If I recall, yesterday I saw you walking home while drinking that black iced coffee from the convenience store. Too much caffeine is unhealthy."

"Yes, Sir Light, noted." You grinned, blowing your drink before taking a sip. "Hey, not funny. I'm genuinely concerned."

"Concern appreciated."

You both entered the living room, greeting his father who eventually got up, off to work. You sat beside Light as you both watched Sachiko kiss Soichiro goodbye. You smiled and mumbled an 'aw,' nudging Light and causing him to slightly spill the coffee he was about to drink.

"What?" He looked at you then to his parents.

"Nothing."

"Ah, I get it. You wanna do that with someone someday, don't you?"

"That's not-"

"It's okay. We all daydream like that, even me. So don't be shy."

"I'm not shy!"

"There goes my line."

"Hmp. So who's the lucky girl, or boy, you daydream about?"

"Why are you suddenly interested? Well what about you?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Because that doesn't matter-"

"Unfair. You're so secretive."

"Fair enough since you're just as secretive as I am. You don't even tell me the guys you like, and I'm your bestfriend."

"Because that doesn't matter-"

"Why do you keep on stealing my lines?"

"Oi that's not the point! I mean come on, an honor student like you rarely talks about romance so when you do, of course I must know. I am your best friend after all."

Light cringed, chuckling. "There's nothing special about that."

"Pfft. Honor students like you are so busy with studying that you rarely have time for romance."

"What? No. Look at you, you're an honor student yourself."

"Yeah but I mean the pros, like you. The valedictorians, first honors."

"Just because I don't that about romance doesn't mean I don't think about it. But like you said, I rarely think about it."

"Ooh! So who is the lucky one?"

"Why do you want to know?"

You puffed your cheeks. Honestly you had no idea too. Let's just say you were... curious.

"I need to gather information. I need some information to sip. Either way I'll figure it out when I start my investigation."

"No."

"Augh- I'll disown you, Light Yagami."

He put his cup down, looking at you.

"It's not really possible to disown the person you like, you know."

The coffee that you were drinking almost came out of your nostrils.

"Don't have so much hubris on yourself. I can do a ten-paged essay about why you are so dislikeable."

"But you can do an essay about why you like me ten times longer than that."

"I am so going to hit your ugly being!"

His smile only grew wider, fascination twinkling in his eyes.

"Hit me with your sweet love, maybe I won't mind."

Not blushing wasn't really an option. He burst out of laughter as you'd been left speechless. You continuously punched his arm, but he never stopped laughing. And his laughter was indeed infectious.

As you two were having fun, you suddenly felt eyes on your back. You stopped and turned around, seeing Light's mother slyly smiling at the both of you as she slithered away towards the kitchen. You and Light avoided each other's gaze for a moment and blushed, finishing your coffees wordlessly instead.

"Well, I'll go change now. You wait here."

"Let me come with you-"

Light raised an eyebrow. "What a pervert you are, [Y/N]."

"NO! That is not what I meant!"

"Well what did you mean?"

"I mean, let me wait outside your room instead," You leaned in, whispering. "What if your mom comes here and talks to me? I mean.. I'm super shy around her."

He nodded in agreement but then he added, "There's no need to be shy around your future mother though."

'This smooth-talking bastard!' You sighed and rubbed your nape, 50% about to roll your eyes and 50% about to blush again. You knew what he meant by that. He had always been a tease to you. But you decided to play against his will.

"Wow. I didn't know that the Yagami family will adopt me someday."

"Tch, dummy."

"Did you just call me dummy?"

"What? Of course not! You really need to clean your ears. I said dumplings. Your cheeks remind me of them. And now I'm hungry."

"You are awful!" For the nth time in history, you hit his arm. "I'm really gonna disown you in one of these days. Now get your ass moving already so we can conquer the street first."

"Well you were the one constantly blabbering and delaying things here-"

"Beca-"

"Shut up."

"Pft. Fine." He pulled you up, holding your wrist even on the way back to his bedroom.

After about five minutes of changing to a plain white t-shirt and jogging pants, matching yours by the way, you two headed out the neighborhood. You picked up the rackets and shuttlecock you had left on the ground, handing him one.

"We don't really have a net-"

"Oh come on! This is just a friendly match, so there's no need for that."

"What about the scores? We can play somehow else if you'd like."

"That's not necessary. I'm making the rules, and the only rule here is that the opponent gets the score if you fail to prevent the birdie from hitting the ground."

"That's not how you play badminton.."

"I am well aware of that. I used to be a part of the school's badminton team, hello? But I make my own rules here." You grinned slyly. He shook his head. "There's no fun in this. You just woke me up to make me do some pointless things with you."

You were actually a little offended by that. You puffed your cheeks and crossed your arms.

"Is it bad that I just wanna have some quality-time with my friend? And to get my revenge, too."

What you said made his heart leap a little, and he was having a hard time resisting the urge to smile. But in the end, he only snarled against his own will. "Let's get this done quick. I'll make sure to destroy you."

"Oh, you wish."

And the game started. The eerie silence vanished, replaced by your grunts, pants, and intense movements. The sky was eventually transitioning from a dim purple to a pale yellow one as you two played, eyes focused on nothing but the shuttle, sweat dripping down your bodies. Light was just as determined as you were to beat his ass. The scores were being mentally recorded by you two-no cheating of course. It was a pretty fair game. One moment you'd be on the lead, but he'd take it, and you'd take it back, and the cycle continued. He was the worthiest opponent for you in this, and he thought the same about you.

The deal was a maximum of 50 scores. Currently, Light was leading and almost close to winning. Certainly you didn't want to get beaten so you struck the shuttle at a perfect angle with just enough force. It flew fast; you were sure he'd miss it. But his reflex was quick, and he struck it with a force much stronger than yours-but his flawed angle sent the shuttle flying higher than he intended it to, and it unfortunately landed on one of your neighbor's roof.

That neighbor just so happened to be the one you two-no, the whole neighborhood-absolutely detested.

Light rubbed his nape and laughed nervously, seeing your grimace. "I'll give the score to you then. So, you have an extra shuttle?"

"Unfortunately that's my last one." You facepalmed. You used to have lots of shuttlecocks but you just kept on losing them since everytime you play with someone, they'd either get destroyed in the process or fly too high and land on unaccessible places, just like what happened.

He frowned. "Seriously? What about inside your house? I'm sure there are a bunch of them tangled in your mess."

"I told you that was my last one. I haven't been able to buy more of them so yeah. But thanks to this nerdy friend of mine, I'm now left with none."

You were only being sarcastic, but it sounded way too derisive for him that he felt somehow guilty.

"Now what do we do.." You pouted to yourself. He averted his gaze which then met the ladder from earlier, a brilliant idea crossing his mind. But the last thing he wanted to do was to get involved, in any way, with that awful neighbor. A grim expression crossed his face and you saw it as you walked closer to him.

"Hey, I'm not actually mad at you, dummy."

"No- I mean, that's a relief. But I think I can retrieve it with the ladder. They might notice me though."

You snorted, but at least there was still a way to save that shuttle. You then looked at the sky. The sun was now rawly smiling at you. Surely those rogues weren't awake yet.

"You know what? I'll do it myself."

"Don't. You might fall. I'll go do it. It's a gentleman's job after all." He grinned. "Do you think they're awake?"

"I don't think so. The curtains are closed anyway."

"Alright. In case I fall, you stay below."

"Okay, Princess Light. I'll catch you using these strong manly arms of mine. Muah!"

"Ew."

Thankfully they didn't have a second floor so the ladder's height was alright- although still short. Once Light had climbed up, you stayed below, holding the ladder just to stay sure.

"Damn. How did it get that far?" He struggled to reach it with his racket, even with his arms and body stretched already. After a few valiant attempts, he sighed and steadied himself a little. He had an idea of climbing the roof but the risk of falling down in the process was high. And he certainly didn't want to squash you either.

"Well this is hopeless."

"Don't give up now, my princess!" You continuously poked his butt with the handle of your racket, causing him to give you a death glare, wobbling a little in his position.

"Are you asking to get squashed? Stop that or I'll fall on you."

"That was just to power you up, silly! Don't you dare fall on me."

"How about falling for you?"

"Bitch."

"Now now, don't say bad words!"

He chuckled and was about to continue his mission when suddenly, the curtains flew open, revealing a grotesque face of a woman staring at Light's crotch-because that's where the window was apparently placed.

Let's just say that you two never want to recall that twenty-minute rebuking that you swore went on even as you two had already left the neighborhood, heading elsewhere.

"That went well." Light heaved a sigh, poking your racket with his as you two walked side by side. You nodded.

"Mission failed. Geez, that woman just wouldn't stop talking and bombarding us with malarkey. I'm starting to hate her."

"To be honest who doesn't? The whole neighborhood hates her as far as I know."

"Pfft, right. So what do we do now?"

He poked your cheeks, and poked, and poked, before pinching them so hard.

"Stop your fetish for my cheeks! This is abuse!"

He laughed, a genuine kind. He didn't reply but put an arm over your shoulder. You puffed your cheeks and played along.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm a bit hungry. So let's head to the convenience store."

"Unsurprising but I didn't bring any money with me."

"Not a single cent?"

"Noooope."

"I guess it's fine since I'll be the one treating you. You should be thankful." You only smiled.

On the way to the store you noticed a group of older and drunk men resting on the side of the street. Their eyes pierced uncomfortably through you. You lowered your head, still feeling their laviscious stares nonetheless. Light also noticed this, and so he pressed himself to you. You hadn't even passed them and when you did, the inevitable came. They cackled, whistling and calling you by names as they rapped the table for attention.

You ignored them and thankfully, they didn't bother you more. "Those bastards." You heard your companion clicking his tongue in annoyance, looking back at the drunk men. He saw where their gazes were and it strongly disgusted him. There was an unnerving silence as you two arrived at the store.

You both had hotdogs with buns and ice cream which was your specific request and which Light reluctantly complied to. The two of you were sitting side by side, looking through the glass wall and discussing mostly about school projects and then some gossips which all came from you. After running out of food to munch on, Light went back to buy a huge bag of chips you two would be sharing.

The sky was now a saturated mixture of orange and yellows. People strolling outside were quickly multiplying until eventually the sidewalk got packed. Few vehicles came passing by. The day was starting for a lot.

"Those guys often do that to you?"

Snapping back to reality, you cooed, "Pardon me?"

"The drunk men we just came across with, was it the first time they've called you out like that?"

"Nope. They're always out drinking.." You saw him creasing his brows. "I know what you're thinking. Well they can't be help so don't think too much about it."

"Can't be help or not, that's still wrong. Did you see the way they looked at your curves? Those men reek danger for a young woman like you. Who knows what their next moves are?" Clenching his fist, he growled. He was truly worried for you. He knew how the world is full of suspicious people like them, and who knows that they're capable of doing?

"Now now worry-wart, don't be so angry."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? You should really start walking home with me early. Does it kill you to immediately go home after school even when you have no business there anymore?"

He got you there. "But I don't want to instantly go home."

"Keep thinking like that and you might never be able to go home again."

You pursed your lips at how scary he made that sound. "Listen, [Y/N]. In this world, there are only a few people you can actually trust. And those guys? They're not looking worthy of someone's trust, even one bit. They're also not the only possible threats to you. Anyone you don't know, or even who you're acquainted with, could be. Even if they look so charming. I'm saying this as a warning, and as your friend. The way they looked at you really triggered me. I can't let you continue your routine anymore. Sure, I know you're going to argue that there's lots of bystanders in case something happens, but that's not always the case. And we're not even sure if they'll help you or proceed to give a blind eye to it."

There came a long pause as you absorbed his words. Hearing them made you feel grateful for having a friend like him-someone who speaks up because he cares about you and your safety. You merely nodded with your mouth agape.

"..I-I'll do as you say then. Thank you Light, really. I appreciate your concern. You give the best advices.. I-you're one of the best people out there."

"Sorry to suddenly explode like that." He smiled, and your heart softened. You asked, "And so, by saying that.. You trust me?"

"Needless to ask dummy. I wouldn't have said that if I didn't."

"Thank you. You know I trust you too. You're one of the people who's worth my trust." You flushed pink as you scratched your nape. This kind of conversation will always make you shy.

"You don't have to say thank you to me for trusting you. And what you said.. You're worth trusting, too."

You didn't argue. The following minutes were silent as you two stared at the void while eating potato chips. You didn't have any new topics in mind, and he seemed to be lost in his thoughts-or his daydreams. You didn't want to interrupt whatever was going on in that complex mind of his.

You absently stood up, craving for another black coffee, but you halted and went back when you remembered you didn't have your own money.

"Oh? You want something?"

"I want coffee. Well- if you don't mind. Ehehehe."

"That I am not going to buy for you. That's going to be your third coffee and the day's only starting."

"Hmph. Forgot I have a mom for a friend. But anyway, you good? You seemed to be thinking about something rather serious earlier."

"Yeah, I'm fine." He smiled. Although he was really deep in thought of something-but what was it?

As he'd already said, he trusted you. He had been friends with you since middle school. He developed the ability to read through your mind. With you both growing closer day by day, he had already memorized your hobbies, your predictably unpredictable schedules, your common moods, your personality, and your flaws as a human being. Heck, he could even write an entire biography book about you with all the facts 99% accurate if he wanted to.

To him, you were fascinating, despite the fact that you weren't his ‘ideal’ girl. But as they say, some ideals are bound to get broken when something unexpected and much more interesting comes along the way. Sure, you couldn't read his mind as good as he read yours. You couldn't decipher and foresee what his next moves would be very well, wasn't in the exact same level as he was, but he grew attached to you. He trusted you, which was a rare thing for him to do-and consider the fact that trust is a hard thing to earn. You were an honest person, mildly annoying at some point to him. You're one that's willing to help others too. Rarely gets the initiative, but when you do, you execute amazing plans and actions.

The world is ugly, indeed, but he considered you to be one of those who made it less that way. You were one of the beautiful people in this ugly, mundane world. And that, he admired you for.

He couldn't see you as just a friend anymore. He could basically see through you, like you were his other half-like you were meant to be. You were someone he could connect with, someone he trusts, someone he could love. The label 'bestfriends' bothered him because he felt like it didn't suit you both, because something else did.

A couple.

And going back, what he was thinking about was the act of courting you and becoming your boyfriend. But doubts flooded his mind, such as you two being too young for romance, the possibility of your parents being against it since he knew you once swore that you wouldn't get a boyfriend until the age of 25 (which was actually a half-joke), and him not knowing what to properly do afterwards. Was he ready for this? Having you as his girlfriend wouldn't really change or affect anything such as his studies. It would still be the same.. just with an upgraded relationship and label with you. Besides, he had been wanting to court you for some time already. And if he doesn't do it then he'd only grow more and more restless.

He wanted to be yours. He was sure you also reciprocated his feelings. Getting into a teenage relationship is easy and quick and maybe reckless, they say, but not for someone with a complex and rational thinking like him. There were some things to consider- but you know what Light said?

'God damn it.'

"Love."

"Huh?" You weren't expecting that response at all.

"I mean I was thinking about romance."

"Ooh! Finally, you decided to add some teenage thrill in your life. So, what about romance?" You gave a sly look. "Need help? I can be cupid, except I will be hitting you with my fist."

His smile was little but genuine, looking out. "There's someone I like for some time now. I've been wanting to court her."

"Awe! My boy has finally grown! My son is finally having a love interest! Eh, but why do you look so uncertain? Is there a catch?"

"Not really." He looked at you, his cheek resting on his palm. You raised an eyebrow.

"If that's the case then go for it! Who would dare to refuse the Light Yagami anyway? If you're feeling doubtful, which is highly unlikely for you, don't be. Any girl would swoon over you, even myself." You chuckled. He gave a fake impression of still being doubtful, looking down with his hands now on his thighs. It was a rare sight to see. You placed a hand on his shoulder, tapping it. Just then, he looked at you straight in the eye.

"It's not like you to lose some confidence. Come on, don't be sad. You can do it. Go ahead and court the lucky one. Cupid approves." You gave him a thumbs up.

"..If you say so," he seized your wrist and stood up.

"Can I court you then?"

#death note #death note x reader #death note x you #light x reader #light yagami x reader #death note fluff #light yagami #light yagami fluff #death note imagines #yagami light #best friends to lovers trope supremacy #light x you #death note x y/n #i'm sorry i haven't played an actual badminton match in ages so you might cringe huhufdfds #character x you #kiss kiss fall iN LOVEEEE #bye #i poured my heartand soul into writngin thsi sjfhjd

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