#for me i got a therapist with the university and asked them to recommend me to one of the uni's doctors

[atissi]

if you are 1) currently in a university where your student healthcare covers hormone therapy, and 2) in a good financial, emotional, and social position to start hormone therapy, i would recommend pursuing it. because in my experience, it's a huge pain in the ass to get an endocrinologist once you're on your own

[bill-ciphers-nightmare-blog]

WELL, WELL, WELL, HELLO, HELLSITE!

NAME’S BILL CIPHER, BUT YOU MIGHT KNOW ME AS YOUR PREVIOUS LORD & MASTER FOR ALL OF ETERNITY , OR BY A THOUSAND OTHER NAMES AND POSTERS!! I’M EVERYWHERE!

NOW I GUESS YOU’LL BE WONDERING HOW I’M EVEN HERE, RIGHT? “Oh no! But Bill, you’re supposed to be dead!” WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY? I’M A GOD- AKIN TO AN INEXTINGUISHABLE COCKROACH!! FACE IT, YOU KNEW I’D BE BACK.

AND BEFORE YOU ASK ABOUT THERAPRISM— DON’T!! ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT I’M HERE NOW, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO IT! COME ON KID, MAKE THE MOST OF IT! IT’S NOT EVERY CENTURY YOU GET TO TALK TO A DREAM DEMON! YOU’RE LUCKY! GO ON, BEFORE I DECIDE YOUR SKIN PUPPET LOOKS BETTER WITHOUT A HAND IN IT! HAHAHAHAHA

Hi there! ‘Tis me, the one wearing his exoskeleton! I wrote this introduction a whiiile ago, but I’m editing it to include some info.

△

Who’s yapping

buy gold: Bill speaking tag!

hologram: Mod speaking in post tag! (I talk in the tags themselves all the time.)

Other tags!

ford pines: These are self-explanatory, but this universe’s Ford in particular is the lovely @grunklefordpines! Interactions usually lead to the billfordivorce tag, which I highly recommend.

the siren: The spectacular @stanfordssiren! Calypso’s the name. Once dated & nearly drowned Ford, but since remeeting with him has been trying to become a better person, even giving up her diet. She and Bill fight a lot, namely because they both want Stanford and dislike each other due to circumstances. Related tags that may result: sirenford & sirenfordivorce.

henchmaniac(s): Those guys! Found at @henchmaniac-kryptos & @henchmaniacteeth.

the axolotl: No particular Axolotl for the universe- Bill interacts with quite a few now and then.

There are other characters that exist in this universe- A lot! Most that Bill hasn’t interacted with that much yet, but they’ll/they’d be found in the tags stan pines, mabel pines, dipper pines, fiddleford mcgucket, and so on. Follow them because they’re awesome and for extra context and plot and stuff!

-

bill meet up: Any time other Bills interact with mine.

euclydia / scalene and euclid: Any time they’re mentioned or interact. Angst! Yay! Pain is hilarious!

billford: Self explanatory, and rarer than billfordivorce.

theraprism: Anything about that. Bill is also currently here for the foreseeable (?) future.

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billypso: The arc in which Bill got someone dubbed (by Mabel) as “Wrongzilla” (Also played by me) came to Calypso and manipulated them over a few days into a deal with a disguised Bill. He possessed her to restart Weirdmaggedon (& prevent her and Ford from getting close again) and there was much chaos in which many fell under the hypnosis of Cal’s song. In the end, a theraprism therapist called Francis Paradox showed up on the Axolotl’s behalf to stop Billypso, but failed rather quickly. Billypso and The Axolotl had been arguing, and as Bill did not heed its threats/warnings, he was stripped of all of his powers, which finally slingshot him out of Cal and back into his cell.

billypso aftermath: The current arc! Cipher is furious about what happened and adjusting back to Theraprism. Meanwhile, the rest are newly traumatized and attempting to mend what was broken. Bill wants to regain his powers. We’ll see when that happens.

△

Think that’s about it! Now remember, don’t take what Bill says to heart. He says Cipherish things- It’s terminal. We all know who he is. A deeply messed up triangle. So please do not take any actual offense!

Thank you! Please interact, & let’s get weird!! :)

– @floralstorms, mod.

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

for @bookholichany for the prompt: "Monty meets Matthew the Raven" at last! I'm sorry that took so long, it's been weird to get back into writing after so long but I'm hopeful to post your other prompts in the next few days as well!

word count: 1167

“C’mon boss, one teensy-tiny favor for your incredibly faithful companion here,” Matthew called as he flew a few meters behind Dream and eventually perched on his shoulder. He ruffled his feathers, pressing his beak into Dream’s collar in the process. The weather in the Dreaming had been a little colder than usual for a while now, which probably had something to do with a minor fight between him and Hob. Matthew would argue that he tried not to be too involved in their relationship but who was he kidding? He was basically their therapist. One favor in exchange for unpaid and actually solid advice should not be asking for too much in Matthew's books.

“Matthew,” Dream acknowledged with the wary air only a being as old as the universe would be capable of. “Go on. Do not make me regret this.”

“Well, you see, before you say anything, I know we’re not supposed to snoop around in people’s dreams, but,” Matthew talked faster, speeding up even further when he saw how Dream’s eyebrows rose judgingly.

“But last time I was in Washington, I visited this small town, yeah? You remember? My ma was from there, I told you about the butcher shop there.”

Recognition lit up in Dream’s eyes, nodding once carefully without jostling Matthew.

“Indeed. You recommended the shop to Hob. You mentioned it could prove an adequate possibility for the next time Hob needs to assume a new identity.”

“You got it! Okay, so, I saw this crow while I was flying around. Little thing, name’s Monty. Playful, trying to keep up with me. That guy kinda grew on me, yeah? So I thought I could check out his dreams and see how he’s doin’.”

Dream stayed quiet for a long moment, silently contemplating as he was wont to do with any decision ranging from a date idea to the creation of a new nightmare.

“Very well,” he said at last.

“Hell yeah!”

----

The view around Matthew changed. The shallow lightning of the throne room vanished and was exchanged for a deep blue night sky with only the slightest hint of a moon keeping watch. Matthew was aware of Dream’s presence as a bird behind him, a protecting spectator that helped Matthew ground himself in the new environment. Residing in dreams was still new to him and he wasn’t sure it was something that he would ever do with the same naturalness Dream displayed. It wasn’t his purpose, Matthew reasoned. His purpose was to stay close to Dream and if that meant getting used to dream-hopping, then so be it.

Matthew’s gaze went toward the sky, expecting to see the little crow emerge any second now. Instead, two shadows moved in the corner of Matthew’s eye. The scene widened and a set of swings appeared, bathed in moonlight and mist.

Both shadows settled, one of them swinging higher and higher, giggling without a care in the world. It was so loud that Matthew could feel Dream softly jump behind him, surprised by the serene scene they were witnessing. The joyfulness of the person reminded him of the crow, always attempting to fly higher until they both would reach the trees that overlooked Port Townsend until he had to return to the weirdly hot lady (Matthew was still reeling from having that particular thought).

The two figures talked, too quietly to hear anything from their hiding spot. The longer the conversation continued, however, Matthew could see the shadows creeping in, closer and closer until they enveloped the couple, swallowing one of them in the process and leaving the smaller figure devastated on their knees.

The figure stood up and walked on shaking knees in the direction of them. Matthew chose that moment to reveal himself, hopping off a stone and into the clearing.

“Dude, are you supposed to be here?” Matthew wouldn’t assume that Dream had opened the way to the wrong dream, he wouldn’t make such a mistake but that left the only other possibility: someone had hijacked the crow’s dream!

Judging by the way the guy flinched backwards and let out a sound that sounded eerily similar to crowing, though, Matthew might have the wrong impression after all.

“Monty, you have changed considerably.” Matthew’s eyes bulged.

“Wait wait wait, replay that, what do you mean? Who is that guy?”

“Monty,” apparently-Monty and Dream said in unison.

Matthew looked up towards the sky once again, hoping for it to open up and hurl rotten tomatoes at these comedy wannabes. What was his life.

“I- I got that, thanks a lot. But the Monty I remember didn’t even reach my beak!”

The guy tried to wipe away the tears that still clung to his cheeks as a small smile took up his previously glum expression.

“Matthew, it’s been a while,” he grinned. His wide and misty eyes combined with the sincere smile were hard to take in. It humbled Matthew in a strange way.

“Dudeee,” Matthew said, for a lack of something better to say, feeling utterly out of his depth.

Monty giggled again, more subdued than in his actual dream but it was a nice sound nonetheless. Fuck, Matthew had missed that kid.

“What happened to you, man? Esther give you some weird protein food?”

Shaking his head, Monty opened his mouth to answer but Dream forestalled him.

“Young crow, magic has touched you recently. Did you wish for this opportunity of experiencing the human condition?” Dream, now resembling his human form again, stepped forward and inspected Monty with slight curiosity. Monty cowered under his stare. Matthew winced out loud – yeah, he could relate –, but neither paid enough attention to him.

“Eh, not exactly? I- I mean! I really enjoy life as a human so far, sir,” Monty mumbled. “It was not really my choice to make.”

Dream scowled, obviously not satisfied with that answer. Matthew shared that notion.

“Dude, that’s your body though, shoulda been your call. Mommy dearest thought she wanted to give kids another go after all these years? Well, at least you got the good fashion sense, the hair looks great too. Hey, was that guy back there your boyfriend?”

Instantly, Monty looked crushed again.

“No, uh, no. No.” He kicked a small stone with his shoe. Dream had his hands buried in the pockets of his coat, shifting slightly where he stood. That sure was an accomplishment, way to put your foot in your mouth.

“You know what? Forget the question.” He settled somewhat unsteadily on one of Monty’s small shoulders. “Let’s go back to those swings and talk. Oh, this is the Sandman, by the way. We thought we could visit your dream.”

“Oh okay,” Monty answered easily, “hello, sir.” Dream nodded while Matthew stopped short.

“You’re taking this way better than I thought,” he mumbled, slightly bummed out that Monty didn’t seem at least a bit impressed.

The former crow laughed.

“Trust me, Matthew, after the last few days, I don’t think much can shock me anymore.”

[painted-bees]

I've been reading through your hi note posts gradually and just got finished with the long bit about how they met Cortes. There's a lot packed in there that made me squee and sob, but that little sentence or two of Raf recognizing that he'd have a hard time surviving without Margie hit real hard. I think it's because he also identified it as something he needs to work on instead of reflecting on it as a romantic trait.

I hope this next part of my ask isn't upsetting to you: it got me wondering if Raf is familiar with suicidal thoughts and feelings. I haven't seen it explicitly stated anywhere. You don't have to comment on that if it's too raw of a subject, though.

Mostly, I just wanted to tell you I really enjoy this story. The characters resonate a lot.

oh, damn--thank you!! It means a lot to me ; 0;♡

To answer your question, haha it's a topic I kinda...tiptoe around in general because it's a box of very delicate glassware that I don't really like directly handling, but

Raf wouldn't have described himself as suicidal, not at the time. There was never an active desire to carry out that kind of thing, but he -has- gone through periods in his life when he didn't want to be alive. The sort of "it'd be a huge relief if a bus sped along and smacked me out of existence today" kinda thinking. As well, he's done some kinda...lowkey fate-tempting, dice-rolly things...like take more of his anti anxiety or sleeping medication than is recommended, j-walking across genuinely dangerous roads, testing the structural integrity of certain makeshift/temporary structures as he passes them, etc. Just little things where it's like "haha, wouldn't it be funny if -this- is what ends me." General carelessness that wasn't performed out of ignorance but rather just to see 'what happens' whilst -also- knowing/feeling relatively assured that the odds are mostly in favor of 'nothing dramatic'.

He's mostly out of those woods, though. The worst of it, for sure, was during his time in university, and then again during the tail end+ of his relationship with Lacey. Even now, though, he only recognizes those behaviors as 'suicidal' because his therapist has taken care to make sure he -knows- that's what it is. But he himself is still unconvinced that it's really as serious as that. Ragardless, at present, he has absolutely no desire to tempt fate, and it's been a decent while since he has found himself imagining the peace and quiet that a high-speed train to the face would provide.

As his musings about Margie suggests, though, he knows he's still go a ways to go before he can stand on his own two legs and not over-rely on external factors/other people for his mental well being...But it's going. He's still kickin'. He's even having a good time of it, nowadays. It's getting better, and better, and he's really glad he's gotten this far. He's happy.

[y2ksnowglobe]

Honestly, post S2 is just a sitcom of all the family therapists going to the bar after work like "You will not believe what's going on with this case right now." and then forming a little support group for each other of "yeah my client was recommended to me by Samantha Stampler, why do you ask?"

Close-Foster-Swift therapist: I...I don't even know what dating an alternate universe version of your dead wife means? Like...is there any way to do that healthily? Oak therapist: So...today I got the lore drop that the wife slept with his twin brother and...well they don't seem to think it's a big deal. Li-Wilson therapist: I just...the near dad agreement is wild okay. They didn't let him go more than two and half feet away from them when out in public. He went on a hunger strike to go to public school. I...what? Marlowe therapist: You know...I was going to complain about the whole step-dad got shot right in front of the kid thing, but all your stuff is way more interesting.

[will80sbyers]

Could you explain why you moved to another country? Is it Ireland by the way? How did you prepare for that and how are you living by yourself? I just need some inspiration and motivation cause I want to do the same... Imagine: I'm 29, still live with my parents because finding a job that supports you is fucking hard (I'm from Latin America) and event though my parents are incredibly supportive (I know I'm very fortunate cause they are so lovely song hard-working and I have zero issues with them) I need to leave the nest. I need to be alone and do my own thing. What would you recommend? It really is taking a toll on me 🥹

I am back in Italy now, it didn't last long because I hoped to finish university so I went back like an idiot... To be honest I'm definitely not the one to go ask for advice on life because I literally have no idea what I want to do with my life, generally have zero motivation and at the moment I'm not doing anything productive and I'm pretty depressed and still avoiding going to a therapist because last time it didn't help enough and I don't have much faith in italian therapists to be competent lmao

Anyway I moved because I wanted to try to see if I could do it just to say "hey at least I tried/did this before dying"

And basically I was really lucky that my cousin already lived there with her husband and many times before she asked me if I wanted to try to go there for a bit because I was stuck with university and so I randomly decided to try to go, my parents helped me to pay for the plane tickets and the expense for everything until I found a job and I stayed at my cousin's home for like two weeks searching everyday all day for a job and an apartment there through sites like https://www.daft.ie/ and also looking in the newspaper of the town (I found the house through the newspaper- really old school)

whatever job I found (I also had like almost zero job experience before) was good for me, so I sent my CV for everything in hospitality and retail, I was super lucky that I got an interview for a retail job in town immediately and found a house and the interview went well so they told me they wanted me to work with them and I accepted the offer as soon as I knew for sure I had the apartment secured!

I was living with lots of roommates though and even unhinged people often lmaoooo but the house was a good one and in Ireland you're really lucky to find an apartment at a decent price that's not too high because there is a house crisis there with basically lots of assholes landlords that have bought houses to make them into bed and breakfasts only for tourists and the people from Ireland like students etc can't find a decent apartment and they are forced to stay at home with their parents because it's too expensive to leave even if they get paid well (compared to Italy) because they have the minimum wage...

So then as soon as I had the house and job I was good, did the documents I needed for the taxes etc following the procedures online, and the pay was enough for me to live on even if I wasn't rich and had to share the apartment and the job was good so I stayed for like 4 months all the summer but then while working I couldn't find any energy or time to also study there and so I decided that I either stayed there all my life doing a job that I wasn't exactly passionate about even if I was good at it or I at least tried to finish what I left at home somehow and decided to go back.... Now I don't really want to travel again even if I could because I feel like the problem is me not the place I am in 🤗

but trauma dumping aside, I was just extremely privileged to have all of these opportunities already and I knew that my parents could have helped me to survive if I needed help and I also had family near me so I had a support system already in place there emotionally + I was also really really really lucky that everything went well in every way possible and I immediately found both the job and the house - I am generally a really lucky person and things just end up working out for me and I'm really grateful for that but I also had already like a LOT of things easier because of my awesome family so someone that doesn't have that base behind will have more difficulty for sure in moving to another country 😔 BUT it's definitely still possible and many people I know actually did it all on their own so you CAN do it!!!

So in my case sadly I don't know how to help you in a specific way because of that... I can give general advice like it depends on what are your job skills for example and I know some people fly to the country they want to stay in and then try staying at a hotel or some place like that before they can find a permanent house there and a job, because searching them remotely from another country is really difficult!

If you have some money aside (or start putting money aside to do it) and you feel like you want to try you could try doing that, choose a country where you know the job market is good and where they have minimum wage especially...

I wouldn't recommend going to Italy at all because the job market is a joke, but Ireland is a really good place for the jobs and you usually get hired easily and they actually respond to the jobs applications lmao

the only problem with Ireland is that you pay a lot for the room in the apartment and will probably have to live with other workers

Oh also prepare a really good CV, search online "how to make a good résumé" and stuff like that and follow the instructions, also invent stuff to make it more professional and like distort the terminology a bit to make it better - like talk about the skills you have in a sort of pretentious way saying stuff like you have organizational skills, work well in groups etc etc and adapt it for the type of job you are sending it to!!! lmao idk how to explain this actually but I think doing the CV like that was why people actually called me even if I had zero experience in some things 🤣

I didn't exactly lie in it I just made it sound more professional like for example I worked with kids before for an internship and so I put like that I learned how to deal with complaints from the parents etc etc stuff like that but make it sound intelligent not like I'm yapping rn

I didn't use it because I hate AI BUT I also know that you could use something like chat gpt to write it well so if you're having difficulties with that you should try that

Remember that people hiring are generally pieces of shit keeping up this job culture that to me doesn't make much sense and curriculums and interviews have zero meaning and are nonsensical and basically performances that you have to put up with because of capitalism... what we as people want is just to have the ability to survive on our own when we work full-time but you have to play their little game even for the bare minimum

search how to make a good impression during a job interview on tiktok and follow what people say there and before the interview literally practice out loud in your room and try being all cute and friendly and to smile and be as relaxed as you can!!! I hate having to do all of that but it should help with getting a job and it works really well! Also dress well at the interview but not too much and be always on time no matter what

Anyway that's all I can think of now, I wish you all the best and I hope you can find a good place and can leave the nest as soon as possible!! Sorry for the mega gigantic response lmao hope it can help somehow!! Good luck 🍀🍀🍀🍀

[indigo-a-creeping]

So Trans Day of Visibility seems like a good day to talk about this.

 I’ve never liked my feminine features, specifically my chest. I could go all the way back to being three years old and desperately avoiding everything that even might be perceived as ‘girly,’ but I don’t need to do all that.

For the past two years I’ve been thinking about possible top surgery. I’ve chosen insurance companies that covered it. And with the way Florida’s laws are going lately, I decided I should do more than think about it.

I called the university hospital, which had two surgeons who performed the procedure recently, but one of them left and the other no longer does it. They have very restrictive requirements for it anyway.

I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon yesterday. He and his staff were very nice and respectful. He said it would be easy to do what I wanted, and that recovery should be smooth and easy too (we talked about pets - a large pulling dog would be a problem, but he said a small well-behaved dog shouldn’t). I got a quote for a price at the lowest end of the estimates I’d seen online (all-inclusive). However, even though he’s on my insurance and my insurance can cover the procedure, the state of Florida won’t allow him to take my insurance for that purpose. I can use it for pain medication, but probably nothing else.

(also I was hoping to get my hip area slimmed down enough that people don’t immediately “ma’am” me from a distance, but it’s already going to be a lot of money)

I’d already scheduled a therapist appointment to get a letter written for insurance coverage, and I’m still going to go and see how it goes. If nothing else we can talk about anxiety.

I don’t like asking for things, specifically money, but I’m thinking of starting a Go Fund Me for this (or if anyone has a recommendation for a better site, let me know). I know nobody is rolling in money and I hate to take any that you need more. I’m going to take a couple weeks to think about it before I make any commitments. I have a road trip coming up, and definitely some people on the itinerary who I want to talk to about this.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

It is I again ... :)

Well, I actually forgot about the existence of this blog, it has been ... 5 years? Is that possible? That sounds like a lot, it's scary how much of my life has already passed.

I am yet again depressed and disassociated. This time I also packed an eating disorder with me, so it's not all the same boring routine... Splendor at it's finest.

A year and a half ago or so I started university and honestly, I hate university. I have very few friends there and one of them forgot about me the second she got better so I decided to cut her off, to not feel the shame of being used. The other one is also quite mentally ill to be honest and she also suffers from an ed, which makes it hard for me to interact with her as someone trying her best to recover. I recently had a lapse (or relapse? I can never understand what's more appropriate and calling it relapse just feels like I am bragging for attetion) and when I decided I'd stop it and try to recover again, I had to bring the time I spend interacting with her to a minimum. Maybe some people will call me selfish, but do I care? If you were in my shoes, you'd talk differently. People's hate is just the cost of making your own decisions about life it seems.

On another note, I am going to therapy, yay. I also went to this ed treatment center when things got bad with eating and I am still going there in secret from my family.

Now that I mentioned therapy, there is one thing I really want to write here. It happened almost a year ago already, but it honestly still haunts me. Maybe I am too dramatic idk, people have it way worse...but this is MY note so I can write whatever I want right... xd

Well, when I became anorexic about 2 years ago, I sought out a therapist. She was recommended to me by my friend I mentioned above with whom I no longer interact. It was an old woman, 60+, very short, but this person had something so unsettling about her, Charlie, that you entered the room she'd sit in with a feeling of being somehow tried by a figure of immense evil. I felt something was strange about her quite early on, but this lady charged very little for her services and I am a poor student, so I didn't want to give it up... Until one time. She'd often make weird remarks about how pretty I am, asked me who had green eyes, if my mom or dad, I believe it was already on the first or second session... I felt weird, but decided to overlook it. She then later on kept mentioning another client of hers, telling me that I could meet him and talk to him as we both have a history of living with a very manipulative grandfather. I assumed she meant calling him to one of our sessions and having this weird group therapy. Well, I was wrong. One day she asked me if I've ever had a boyfriend - I haven't yet, so I told her no. She acted as if this was a problem - what a total c*nt tbh :^) - but anyway, she then later in the session mentioned him again and kept saying that he is old, way older than me. I felt weird, so I asked how old? And she replied: "Quite old." ??? red flags, I know, but well, I made her tell me he was 34 or so. I don't exactly remember. Well, she said again that we have to meet up, me and him. I was like mhm she probably means some different time. No. At the end of our sessions someome rang her bell and she replied: "*his name*, come in" I was scared, even though still trying to convince myself that nothing is wrong. Well, I wanted to leave, but the witch literally stood in front of the door and wouldn't let me. The man appeared at the doorstep. She told him he should take me for a ride somewhere in his car at the weekend and asked him if he had time - he said well yes. Then she asked me if I wanted to go and I felt so scared by that time - but I managed to say I'll think about it. Well, after this happened, I was mortified and I ended up ending everything with her.

This scared me so much, Charlie. I don't tell people about it anymore, but sometimes I see an old woman outside who faintly resembles her and get a shiver of dread up my spine. Sometimes the memories of her just come to me as flashbacks and I feel dirty. I felt dirty after this happened to be honest, even though nothing really happened to me. I guess I felt strangely exploited and objectified. I came to her for help but she did this thing...for what? God knows.

On another note, lately I am obsessing over a certain anime character and its weirdly healing me even though I am still feeling very bad. He is not a good person, but I relate to him a lot for some reason.

I also write a lot, Charlie, my stories are probably the only thing that genuinely makes me happy to be myself. I also try to draw when I can.

Well, this is all the brain vomit I can think of for today.

Thank you for listening.

-mv

[elijasz]

Okay I was going to put this in the tags but its honestly too important.

Apart from the financial struggle, which includes having to potentially care financially for your family instead of the other way around, there are a BUNCH of other socio-economic factors that prevent poor people from getting higher education.

One is that people who grew up poor have much higher chances of having less language proficiency, knowledge about the world etc. One of the main reasons for that is communication with the parents. If your parents work a lot, they dont have time to talk to you. If you don't eat dinner together because your parents are exhausted, or you cannot talk about your day and your experiences and ask questions, discuss etc, you will likely end up with a smaller vocabulary, less grammatical fluency, worse conflict management skills, issues critically reflecting behaviour and actions (though this is quickly fixed because the world LOVES giving marginalized people criticism and forcing them to change), and much more. Just from a lack of conversation with parents or caretakers. We also cannot ignore the stress and psychological pressure poor people are under for a bunch of reasons.

But back to the language part, because that's what I know about. Children from less privileged financial backgrounds often acquire a certain way of speaking, that is connected to their class. They don't have the opportunities to develop an academic style and this can already inhibit their application process. Adding slower writing and reading speed and taking longer for listening comprehension means they take longer to process and produce work. This takes from their freetime. Their work also takes from their freetime. This is just one of the instances where "we all have the same 24 hours" is total bullshit. Now if you consider that poor people have a higher chance of medical issues, chronic illness, mental and physical disabilities etc, we get to the point were they already spend more money to live, then spend more money to study, potentially need more time to achieve the same goals, which also costs money, and then still have to deal with so much other stuff going untreated because medical care is fucking expensive, you have a recipe for self sustaining classism.

This isn't just an american thing either. We've been talking about this issue at uni in Germany. Our education costs "only" a few hundred euros per YEAR. But the issue is that your workload, the expected workload you have to follow if you want to finish in the recommended/expected time, is often more than 60h a week. Again, adding the extra time poor people might need, and the time people need to work because living costs money and living in university cities costs even more, you have people working 70-100h work weeks.

I worked a lot since childhood because I grew up poor. When I started Uni I lived in a cheap apartment and because I had a well paying job, I was able to sustain myself with only a little support from my parents (who worked extra so my sibling and I could get a higher education. All of us worked more so my sibling and I could afford getting something that's claimed to be "free" in Germany). But you know what happened? I got fucking burnout a few semesters in. Because I was at uni 8-10 hours a day on week days and worked at least another 2 hours after uni every day, and that was barely enough, because I didn't have fucking latin, or hadn't read Judith Butler, or Mann, or Brecht, or whatever else they expected my parents to have at home. I worked my ass off on week days and on Friday I went straight to work after uni, worked until 4am, went to sleep, worked on some paper or presentation, went to work again and so on. I had NO freetime. If my job hadn't required me to walk 10-20km every night, and carry a shitton of full glasses, I'd have gotten no exercise at all.

Went my therapist said I need to slow down, I asked him how. Because I was never asked to slow down before. It was always more more more. Never less. I had to learn to destress because I had several years of stress build up and didn't even realise because I still wasnt performing to the standard I compared myself too: Rich people whose parents were academics, whose parents paid for everything the owned, ate, smoked and drank, who didn't need to go to an extra course to understand the text that kept referencing historical events I'd never heard about or used Latin phrases that left me confused.

Being poor means trying much harder than everyone to achieve the same shit, breaking yourself to be average, and then getting ridiculed because you fall asleep in class, or get sick a lot, or start smoking to cope with the stress because god forbid your suffering isn't sexy and presentable.

There are so many classist systems and the education system is one of the worst. Its self sustaining and allows all other systems of classist oppression to continue. Because it prevents people from taking narrative agency, from telling their stories in a way academia deems acceptable and "scientific". Because it prevents poor people from gaining access to power and to the knowledge on how to break out of that system. I have broken out of that system. But it's cost me a lot and I wouldn't have been able to do that if I hadn't had a supportive partner and parents, who literally worked themselves to failure to support me. (literally. they went to work sick, came home, changed and went to their other job. I'm not joking when I say they worked themselves to failure. Their bodies are failing and I don't have the option to support them yet because I needed to slow down myself so i dont break)

People don't understand how harmful, how deadly, this system is and how it goes beyond free education. Classism is a societal issue that needs to be resolved more than ever, as more people become poor and more money exists in the hands of those who need it least.

We don't just need free education, we need financial support independent of how long its taking you to finish your studies, instead dependent on how much you need to survive as an individual, not a calculated number. And we need a reformed system that recognises that some people will struggle more than others because of their background. With or without their own "fault".

[thisislizheather]

Men Have Called Her Crazy By Anna Marie Tendler - A Review

The only thing better than reading a comedian’s memoir? Reading the partner/ex-partner of a comedian’s memoir. Truly. I don’t know why exactly, but the partner of someone who’s had immense success/fame is usually ten times more interesting than the famous one. Practically always. And this memoir was fantastic. I had known so little about Anna Marie Tendler before reading this (I knew that she was John Mulaney’s beautiful ex-wife, that she designed lampshades and seemed like she wouldn’t have liked me in high school) but I’m grateful to have found this book. Favourite parts ahead.

“I cemented my role in relationships as a pleaser, a convincer, a girl, who, well into adulthood, would contort and conform to the desires of a man, overlooking his easy dismissal, and dampening her self-worth, all to be loved” - OOF, it that wasn’t me for all of my dating life.

The parallels of our two lives are fucking eerie (I know that’s interesting to no one other than me), but it’s weird that we both heard about 9/11 in a high school chemistry class. (I also agree with her about hot firefighters but that’s, like, a universal thought that you’d have to be a comatose to disagree with, so I won’t count that commonality.)

The entire part about her longterm therapist being so horrid to her was nuts to read. I loved it mainly because therapists are such trusted people and it’s insane to me that none of the terrible ones ever really get talked about that much.

“Why are women so fucking ashamed of ourselves? I blame men.” Perfect line. Wish it was the title of the whole book. I get why it wasn’t, but really wish it was.

Talking about a web series she did: “I simply got to show a weekly guest how to do one makeup trick and asked them to share a ghost story or paranormal encounter. When the web series aired, it was met with backlash from women, mostly moms, who insisted that a show about makeup was antithetical to the very ethos the website touted - that girls were smart - and the decision was made to stop making episodes. May we never forget that females cannot be intellectual and aesthetically minded at the same time.” I love this woman.

It’s crazy how much I agree with her thoughts on motherhood: “My reservations about motherhood have been shaped by my feelings about men, their general incompetence, their propensity toward selfishness, and their inability to empathize with the female experience. My obsession with equality in relationships restricts me from balancing the weight of what men put into child-rearing versus what women do. I wonder if it can ever be equal. I feel instinctually it can’t, while also recognizing that instinct might be wrong.”

“I know mothers feel excluded from life too. I guess that’s the paradox of being a woman: no matter what path you choose, chances are you’ll feel invisible.”

“I’m momentarily aroused by the memory of a man properly doing a chore.” Good god, that’s funny.

The entire chapter on her losing her dog Petunia made me weep, but I’m a human being with a HEART sue me.

Such an inspiring memoir, I can’t recommend it enough. Read it immediately. And the fact that she didn’t mention her marriage in detail at all speaks such volumes - she’s not defined by that part of her life and that is made extremely clear with what she chose to share. She’s an incredibly strong writer so I sincerely hope she continues to publish. Absolutely love this woman.

[sekwanele]

UKZN OT Curriculum offering European Greatness

"Education is the movement from darkness to light." - Allan Bloom. Sometimes I feel like that when I sit and reflect on my formal education journey. It got me thinking about how it has gotten me to walk the streets of MR and Zwelibovu communities and speaking to managers of prestigious private health institutes at such a young age, places I have never dreamt of. And actually feeling like I know what I am doing and can be in these rooms communicating and adding valuable Occupational Therapy knowledge. This is all due to the rich OT curriculum UKZN provides which is ineffectually delivered at times. https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.picturequotes.com%2Fthe-only-thing-that-interferes-with-my-learning-is-my-education-quote-183&psig=AOvVaw0J_ej6Dq3ybebKK0DQgl42&ust=1726327182084000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBQQjRxqFwoTCKiqtoWcwIgDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE . This image just reinforces my belief that this curriculum can at times interfere with one’s learning. Where it forces you to conform to other people’s thought processes, which can leave one not thinking on a local and community needs basis.

The most shocking revelation for me is that the university is located in KwaZulu-Natal, which has the largest number of Zulu ethnic people (Minority Rights Group, 2023), and takes its Occupational Therapy students out into these communities following a traditional Western standard as stipulated by the World Federation of Occupational Therapy (WFOT). “The Federation can positively influence health, welfare, education and vocation at an international level,” (WFOT, 2024). This shows the UKZN OT curriculum’s commitment to producing an international Occupational Therapist (OT) and not so much a local OT. To me the OT course has basic isiZulu offered in its package, which I have not found beneficial at all, for teaching non-Zulu-speaking folks. This became very evident in my community module when we went into the deep Zulu community of Zwelibovu. Where I saw my non-Zulu-speaking OT partner struggle with communicating with the patients, not because she did not know the OT content but just a communication problem. Upon which I asked her if she found the isiZulu module beneficial, of which she stated that she wishes she had been taught meaningful Zulu words and sentences that would help communicate health related matters to the patients and not taught about the names of animals and reciting Zulu kings clan names. This to me shows the gaps within the OT curriculum that fail to offer comprehensive Zulu modules for a predominately Zulu-speaking province.

When I look at this image I am reminded of the Western body of knowledge we follow. This is evident when this curriculum has taught us assistive devices which are fancy and are to be given to patients, which are not at all relevant to them, financially and even culturally. This became evident to me working at the community doing home visits. Where there now is no electrically controlled bed, no bed at all just a sponge on the ground. This was my reality first week of community in my client’s home, where ideally in a hospital setting transfers would have been easy, using transfer boards, Sara Steady etc. Which I realise I would have recommended to the patient if I had seen her at the hospital rather, due to what I was taught. However, the curriculum does offer us lecturers who have experience in the community, who make us mindful that what they teach us might not be a reality for most of our patients. The UKZN OT curriculum does teach us to be client-centred and holistic and be very able to adapt. However, when doing wheelchair practicals in lectures, we were never taught the realities of the community like transferring from the floor to a wheelchair. Which in my case I had to adapt on the spot, looking for things like benches that would assist my client in transferring the wheelchair and offering her water bottle to maintain the fingers in extension as they had gone into composite flexion, and I was afraid of a developing contracture she could have. Showing that although equipped with information from the curriculum which was fairly Western and not contextualised to the African context.

The OT curriculum teaches us to be critical thinkers, which allows us to expand our minds into thinking about the other issues with regards to the client, not take things at face value. In a conversation with the project officer and manager at COC, we were able to analyse the community which we attended where we saw that the client’s insights are poor into some other conditions. Where usually it is likely for patients to believe that conditions like stroke are caused by witchcraft in rural areas, (Mpanza et al, 2022). This reduces the client's attendance to important therapy and hospital visits and reduces compliance which increases risks or worsening of the conditions. This critical thinking skill taught to me, helped me figure from the PO and manager why my client suffering from a stoke, had a wheelchair but it had no footrest. They made me aware that the community clinic in that area had OT services once a month through the community service programme offered in PHC. They raised the point of the clinic not having enough resources which is why the client did not have the footrests. This led to research as to why this clinic was not working effectively, where it was found that PHC was failing due to limited financial, political and human resources, (Chimezie, 2015) which explains why the client has a wheelchair with no footrests.

However, I feel sometimes the curriculum, does offer the UKZN OT students in the community skills, like critical thinking skills, as this allowed me to analyse another occurrence in the community I am working in. There was a young client who was not doing well in school suspected of having a learning difficulty. The mother struggled with getting assistance with finding a special school and receiving disability grant for him to send him to these schools. This is where I found that the curriculum does not give us any detailed information with regard to the application of these grants. Had I not been with the PO who is a social worker, who then filled in the gap of the protocol, of the client’s needs to get the SCREENING, IDENTIFICATION, ASSESSMENT AND SUPPORT forms from the client’s school, then only can we (OT) can see them for an assessment. After that, the client can go to the SASSA doctor where he can assess him to be placed on grant. This lack of knowledge of procedures not provided to OT students in the curriculum really affects the ability of the therapist to be useful in the community, (Buchanan, 2016).

In conclusion, the OT UKZN curriculum is very useful and provides students with a lot of insight into engaging and analysing the community. However, their insatiable need to produce an international OT needs to take a back seat and produce a curriculum that will offer comprehensive knowledge to operate in the community. And understand that global recognition in a locally lacking curriculum is futile and somewhat silly and does not go with the university’s motto of “Inspiring greatness” but rather inspiring European Greatness.

References:

van Stormbroek, K., & Buchanan, H. (2016). Community Service Occupational Therapists: thriving or just surviving? South African Journal of Occupational Therapy, 46(3). https://doi.org/10.17159/23103833/2016/v46n3a11

Mkhize, P. Z., Phehlukwayo, S. M., & Mpanza, D. M. (2022). Health seeking pathways for stroke survivors in a rural setting: Optimising early intervention for stroke rehabilitation in occupational therapy. South African Journal of Occupational Therapy, 52(1). https://doi.org/10.17159/2310-3833/2022/vol52n1a4

World Federation of Occupational Therapists. (2017). WFOT. https://wfot.org/education

Aaqil De Vries, Jo-Celene De Jongh, & Wegner, L. (2024). South African occupational therapy students’ reflections on ethical tensions experienced during fieldwork. South African Journal of Occupational Therapy, 54(2), 27–35. https://www.ajol.info/index.php/sajot/article/view/275728

Zulus in South Africa. (n.d.-b). Minority Rights Group. https://minorityrights.org/communities/zulus/

[imready4u2]

sex therapy

Can you find sex advice online? Yes, but be sure to check out a site as carefully as you would a therapist.

Jenny Peters (not her real name) was having difficulty with physical intimacy and pain during sex, but was too embarrassed to bring it up with her doctor.

Instead, she found a free Internet site where the doctor posted her question and, in his answer, suggested she get in-person therapy.

"The Internet got me on the right path," she says. "I wasn't scared to talk about it anymore. I went to my doctor and found out I had a bladder infection. She also put me on a long-term therapy program with my partner to become more comfortable with physical intimacy."

While the cast of television's "Sex and the City" discuss a myriad of sexual quandaries with ease, in real life, most people -- like Peters-- will stammer through questions about such topics as pain during sex or masturbation. In fact, embarrassment can be the biggest obstacle between a sexual problem and help.

That's where online sex experts can help, says Deborah Fox, MSW, a Washington, D.C., sex therapist with her own web site. "The Internet is useful for addressing sexual problems because people are able to ask questions that [otherwise] make them feel uncomfortable."

Online Roles and Limitations

Fox and other sex therapists offer their expertise online, providing educated responses to a variety of questions. They're quick to point out that this does not, however, qualify as therapy. At "Ask the Sex Doc," for example, William Fitzgerald, PhD, a sex therapist in Santa Clara, Calif., posts his answers to hundreds of questions, choosing the ones he feels are most universal.

Common questions easily answered online, according to Fitzgerald, include the effect of masturbation on sexual performance, the regaining of sex drive after the death of a spouse, and the way to approach a spouse about acting out a sexual fantasy. Some sites answer questions free of charge and post the answers for other users to see, while they may require a fee for answering questions privately.

Sandor Gardos, PhD, an online sex expert, also responds to questions on many sexual topics. But when a question is beyond the scope of what can be or should be answered online, Gardos is quick to suggest face-to-face professional help. He and other online sex therapists often recommend traditional therapy for issues that involve more complex problems, such as childhood sexual abuse. Fox adds that current technology simply doesn't allow for the equivalent of ongoing, in-person meetings necessary to resolve many sexual issues.

The Marriage of Therapy and Technology

Online sex therapy falls under the umbrella of "telemedicine," which also includes videoconferencing and telephone therapy.

Because telemedicine is in its infancy, the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association are still grappling with guidelines. Even so, both organizations emphasize that therapists who are online must adhere to ethics standards already in place.

William Stone, MD, who is on the American Psychiatric Association's Committee on Telemedicine, says the new technology is a mixed blessing. Although it is starting to bring therapy to people in remote locations, it also has limitations and potential dangers. For instance, doctors can usually prescribe drugs only in states where they are licensed to practice medicine, making it difficult to treat patients signing on from other states. And the images transmitted during videoconferences don't always allow detection of subtle changes in body language or expression that are often helpful in making a diagnosis during face-to-face meetings.

How to Judge the Sites

A reputable sex therapy site should have a disclaimer saying that the content and interactions do not constitute therapy or medical treatment, says Mitch Tepper, PhD, MPH, who has been researching online sex therapy sites for more than five years and launched his own in 1996.

Tepper also suggests checking sites to see if the therapists are certified by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) or belong to other organizations such as the American Psychological Association or the American Psychiatric Association. Ask therapists where they were trained and how many years they have been in practice (or look on the site for background information on them), as well as how long they have been online.

By doing a bit of research on the therapist and the site, you will be more likely to find someone who is credible and competent.

[gurugirl]

any tips for someone who has zero gun

human contact? i took open school last year (april ‘23), to prepare for national university admission exam (massive deal in my country), open school is basically when you don’t have to physically go to school, you just have to give exams that too from your home. so main purpose of this was to study and go to private institute’s classes for prep for the exam(1.3M+ students appear, and only 39k seats). and i spent a big chunk of my parents money on this private institute, but now the situation is that i’m no longer interested in studying. i cut off all my friends. i don’t talk to people at the institute. my institute has been off for 3 months now (more like i didn’t attend for 2 months, i used to sit at the library after lying to my mom that i went to the institute). i have no human contact. i rot in my bed all day. i watch youtube and instagram just to have that human interaction atleast online. it’s not that all my friends left me, it’s that i myself cut them one by one off bcz everyone was giving me the ick. my mom doesn’t talk to me in a good way, it’s either anger or nagging. she uses me not having any person against me during fights (that are caused by me bcz i share my feelings with her about not having anyone to talk to and how her not talking to me in a good way affects me, i cry like 30 seconds into taking to her). my sister is to young to be hearing all this depressing stuff from me, she’s happy with her school and friends and i want her to be that way. my dad is posted somewhere else for work so he doesn’t live with us. he calls my mom 4+ times a day, talks goofily and happily with my sister, but he never talks to me. he asks my mom what am i doing and her answer is always that i am studying, even tho i’m not and literally sitting right infront of her at dining table. he never further asks about me. i recently bought myself a new phone, i only have four contacts— mom, sis, dad and aunt, and i got my dad’s number after he ringed my phone, which he only does when mom’s not picking his calls. now i don’t pick up his calls but back when i used to, his word used to be “where’s mom?” no hi or how are you to his daughter. i talk to no one. i don’t even go to my balcony that’s attached to my own room. haven’t seen sunlight in weeks. but nobody cares

Hi sweetheart. First it's so hard to know how I can give advice for this because it sounds like you're depressed. I'm not a doctor, though. I have no qualifications to tell you what's happening, but it truly sounds like you might be going through depression. And depression can immobilize you and you may find yourself alienating from all your friends and family, a form of self-sabatoge.

If you have the ability, consider therapy. It sounds like you live in India based on what you've said about open school and nat'l university exams (I might be wrong, if so, apologies) and I don't know what options you have or what cities you live near but see if there is a program or some therapists in your area.

Take a look at this and this and here are some free online therapy chat options (7 Cups always comes highly recommended) if you'd like to talk to someone online.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this and feeling this way. I hope you find some peace and begin to feel like yourself again. While I don't have great advice for you I will say that I'm always here if you want to vent. I'll read any ask you send and hear you. You deserve to be listened to and to feel happy in life.

Also if anyone here has real advice to give or some love to share with anon please do.

xoxo

[nahalism]

howwwww ddid you manage to study and get a darned degree within a scheduled academic reality with your impulsive and random spurges of energy/inspiration¿¡ is it survivable most of my friends r systematic, somehow collected, motivated in a beauutiful steady way that’s typically required in higher ed and i just¡ do not¡ relate¡ loove you hope you are breathing easy🫶🏻🫶🏻

lool man.

the truth is, i did get the degree, but the process was not as heroic as ur question makes it sound. the determination to finish came from a genuine passion for literature, but also cause i didnt want to drop out and have debt, but no degree to show for it. everytime i looked for an excuse to quit, i had my mum telling me 'i only had a year left and could pursue what i wanted to when i was done'. — she was right, but i dont think right means it was the only way to do things. i think my approach was courageous, but also very based in fear and lack of self believe. so whilst i dont regret it, and its part of what got me to build that self believe and faith over fear, there are times i question if dropping out and pursuing my 'spurges of inspiration' would have been the braver and more rewarding choice. it may or may not have been, but i cant answer that cause its not the path i chose.

how i did it was a matter of programming my mind. sounds cliche, but as ive said before i fanaticised over ways i could effectively 'hack my mind' so that regardless of what i thought felt and was going thru, i could not just perform, but overcome the barriers that made it hard for me to perform. (i have a ask with book recommendations and loads of those books were part of the resources that saw me thru). that process was ugly at times, full of extreme stress, insomnia, extreme highs, crazy lows, smatterings of episodes where i was so exhausted and had pushed my body, psyche and emotional state to such extremes that i was full on out of it and a shell of a person. i was sent to my uni therapist and psychiatrist multiple times, and my family were concerned for my wellbeing. i spoke to my professors one on one maybe a maximum of two times. i barely had friends and a social life because my mental state was so poor, and the friends i did have i was constantly paranoid about losing cause i felt like i had no energy to meet up with them call them or maintain a relationship with them. i had consistent insomnia and near to no quality life. and i pursued art, writing and non degree related passions only because i sacrificed doing the other stereotypical university things my friends were doing.

im not saying this to be a victim. i rate myself highly and respect myself for what ive been able to achieve, but i dont want to say all the good w out contextualising the reality of how bad it actually was. i love learning but the the institution of education itself was hell for me 2 b honestly quite insufferable. i dont know how i survived if not for sheer will

the only advice i can give you is try to have a schedule. dont compare yourself to others, just do your best, find what your passionate about re: your degree, set a personal goal of what you want to achieve, and hold on to that blindly. have people around you that will let you break down and vent about what your finding difficult without judgement. & its awkward but if you can find someone in ur unis pastoral care department that knows what your going thru and will check in to see if your doing good or struggling. above everything, life is short and not promised. follow ur urged and ur inspiration cause thats the only thing thats real and only thing that will keep ur spirits up when times are hard. skills and experience are more important than degrees

sending u a huge hug and all the luck in the world. it might be hard but its not impossible!!! u got this

[wherearethewatermelons]

Hi! I never really open tumblr anymore but I do check your blog every few months to see how you are ❤️ that’s how I saw your post about me now lol 😆 so I thought I would send a little ask. I’m good, I just finished my second year of university so I only have one year left and that’s crazy to think about. I got my first job, it was a job my brother recommended I apply to (it’s a bit funny because he has his job because I told him to apply for it). I love it and everyone is so nice and helpful. I have already started saving money to move to Stockholm after I graduate since the lowest price of a studio apartment tends to be about 3 million Swedish crowns 🫠 I will have to take a loan but I am just trying to have as much money as possible upfront. I also spent two months in Poland doing an internship (as part of my degree), the internship was absolutely horrible because the company was basically using interns to run the place to put it broadly but that’s a long story. I don’t regret it though, the main reason I went there was so I could spend more time with my relatives so I was living with one of my cousins and I got to celebrate Easter with my grandparents for the first time! I also got to visit Warszawa and another cousin. I kinda joined the international students at my cousins university because she took care of them so I got free entry and free drinks at bars and clubs. I almost went to Krakow with them but I had to work and also I was there a few months ago. In honestly think I’m doing the best I have in a while! Except for falling down the stairs two days ago and my therapist not calling me back but I am still at my happiest in a long while! 😊 I hope you are good too! How is the nursing degree going? I think nursing is super impressive I wouldn’t be able to do it. My brother started studying to become a doctor and I know I would be miserable in that field lol.

-🐐❤️

hello my love!!! i’m so happy to hear from you. glad things are going well for you so happy to hear that you’re almost done with university.

saving up is a really good idea I know it helped me when i had my job i made sure to save $100 from each paycheck and it helped me pay like 3 months worth of bills. i would also maybe say to stock up on some things before you move out that way you already have some stuff like toiletries, cleaning supplies and stuff like that (don’t know if that’s just an american thing though)

I will be going into my third year this fall and i’m really excited because now i actually get to do classes more closely related to nursing rather than just GERs. i have to apply for the nursing program next year so fingers crossed 🤞🏾

anyway so happy to hear from you and i’m glad you’re doing good 🫶🏾

[leo-k-102105]

continued…

I’ve had a whole lot of anxiety from me holding in everything and i feel like crying when i am alone w/ my thoughts which i dont like. I want someone to talk to so bad. Even if i do start talking, my brain starts going rlly fast and i cant write or say how im feeling so i shut down. I hate it so bad.

My chest dysphoria has been worse than ever becuz i rlly think christina put my binder somewhere and i hate when i see my chest. like when i had my binder, it wouldn’t even do much since my chest is so big. and i keep getting misgendered and deadnamed every. single. fucking. day. I’ve just gotten so tired. I’ve given up on my parents and the only happiness i have now is my dog at my moms and at school. sad. and even that is ending in like ~3 months and then i have to deal with being at home 24/7 and being called Isabelle and a girl and legit everyone using she/her pronouns. like thats why im in my room 24/7 karen. to get away from people misgendering me and deadnaming me constantly. The constant invalidation is taking a toll on me.

My mother never even noticed that i dont talk to her anymore abt personal stuff yet she claims that we all do. like 🤔. at least my mother got me rainbow flip flops 😁. I’m totally going to wesr them to my fathers just to annoy him 😂

also, i feel rlly bad for my uncle who is getting married this june but my grandparents refuse to go. they r so homophobic that they wont even go to my uncles wedding. 🖕🏻. Apparently my grandma said something mean to my uncles fiancé at. my. aunts. wedding. (i would’ve gone off on her if i was around) and legit everyone on both sides are extremely religious, homophobic, transphobic. I feel so loved lmao. so when i start T eventually i would imagine that my grandpa on my fathers side eould probably start talking abt religion the entire time and how much of a disgrace i am. yay me.

My brother legit told my father that he thought my fathers church was a cult lmao. (i think that too lol)

i am planning on using my saved $ to be me my own binder since mine mysteriously disappeared and my mother would never get me one herself.

OMFG last friday i wanted to go to a youth group for lgbtq+ teens, so i asked my father if he could pick me up at 8pm and he made up an excuse that he was busy. like he never is busy at 8pm 🤔. he also told my mother that since it was a universal church (or smth like that) and that he didn’t believe in it. he also saw that it had lgbtq+ on it so he made up the excuse that he was busy (he wasn’t) I asked him to pick me up there since my stepfather said he could drop me off. My therapist legit recommended it to me and my mother. that was also the time when he told me i need straight friends. i legit laughed at him. he pisses me of so fucking much. i also have to go to his house tomorrow *today* so yay. He also said this morning that my cousins were coming over to go bowling later and then he aggressively told me “then u better come over” after i told him i wanted to go, i shut down and didn’t talk until 2nd period of school. like bffr😂. it is legit 7:30 am. Jesus. I just cant wait to move out.

rant lol i wrote this at like 11 pm