#men have called her crazy

[randombookquotes]

men have called her crazy- anna marie tendler

[cherryrehab]

i think the real feminist issue about anna marie tendler's memoir is can the general public let a woman be a mediocre navel gazing artiste the same way they do men. the answer was no btw.

[peetamellarky]

need this book like i need water

[idontevenlistentomitski]

I’ve seen some bad reviews of mchc.

(How can you even criticise a memoir?)

I saw people getting mad because she’s not perfect, or she hasn’t worked out everything she feels like okay??? Have you???

I saw people say her life was uninteresting. That she’s only passionate in things for a short time and she attaches herself to men to fund these passions.

I thought she made very clear in the book that she recognises this tendency in herself and does not like it??

Furthermore, look inside your chest and ask yourself what am I mad about? Was I expecting something different? And why so?

I’ll tell you why, cause she was your perfect victim!

Man says he loves woman, man cheats and leaves woman, woman makes amazing art (rooms in the first house) about it. You can empathise with her, you can make her into whatever you want UNTIL SHE TELLS HER STORY.

Stop expecting the narrative fed to you by her ex husband to be truthful! If anyone knows herself it’s her, not you or me for watching 3 hours of him talking about her on stage.

This is the woman she is, she has issues like all of us some resolved some not. Is that a crime? I don’t think so.

Also I personally LOVED how her ex husband was never mentioned by name thus shifting the power from him to her AND if you actually payed any attention you’d realise he’s pretty much everywhere in some chapters even though she doesn’t make that explicit.

This is, frankly, annoying.

[whosbuxkt]

Ugh. A 5 star read.

This book. I had the privilege of reading it in May, a time that couldn’t have been more fitting given everything happening in my life. The beauty of this book is undeniable—beautifully written with scenes that captivate, even when they’re far from comforting or joyful. It introduces characters and thoughts that linger long after the final page. I can confidently say this book ranks among the top five I relate to most deeply.

Anna Marie Tendler masterfully captures her experiences from childhood to adulthood, particularly her relationships with men and how these shaped her mental and emotional landscape. Her portrayal of the anger many women feel towards men—their dismissiveness, their privilege—struck a chord with me. I often find myself echoing the sentiments expressed in the book, and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in my frustration and confusion over how to navigate these feelings.

This book covers it all—toxic teenage relationships, the struggles of mental health, the bewilderment of early adulthood (that feeling lost in your 20s feeling), grief, loss, and the journey of moving forward. It has stayed with me since I read it, offering both insight and comfort in my own life. I highly, highly recommend it. 🤍

[showmethesneer]

I finished reading Men Have Called Her Crazy and I genuinely inhaled it in 2 days. I'm not sure why I've been seeing so much hate for it. It was so honest and insightful. Also, it literally lives up to the name, as she describes instances where individual men on a personal level AND systemic structures supported by the patriarchy have labeled her "crazy" for simply being a woman with a different opinion or having general anxiety disorder or something. Like.. what's the problem here? You wanted all the gory details of her failed marriage? I'm glad she omitted them. She is so much more than her relationship with her ex-husband.

[mistandshcdow]

‘Men Have Called Her Crazy’ by Anna Marie Tendler — a Review

CW: this book discusses suicide, SH, EDs, mental health institutions and other triggering topics in detail, and they are touched on in this review.

Going into this memoir, I was expecting an intimate look at Tendler’s mental health crisis, her complicated relationship with various men in her life, and some insight as to how she dealt with being betrayed by her famous husband. You’ll get one of those things from this, and it’s not the one you want.

By intimate, imagine you’re sitting in on Anna’s three hour psych examination where she is narrating every detail and breaking down what it means in real time. That happens in the book. She also describes every inpatient class she goes to, every random man in the hospital who dares to glance at her, and every relationship she’s ever had going back to high school. Oh yeah, except her husband of six years, who makes not a single appearance outside of nameless references to “my husband.” He is never named, nor is their relationship even touched on.

She touches on other relationships though, and although they’re undoubtedly shitty, none of them call her crazy. Her mental health condition is addressed by only one boyfriend, the singular one she notes as being caring and dedicated. It comes to a point where she has to literally imagine a man calling her crazy, a man she has met all of once over ZOOM THERAPY and immediately hates for little reason. In fact, the only people in Tendler’s life who do insinuate she might be crazy are WOMEN, a fact she seems unable to unpack or dwell on, and why should she when she can say “Fuck men” and sell her book as a gripping feminist narrative. That’s not what feminism is, Anna.

The one man who deserves the biggest “Fuck you” is not present. Tendler has the right to write about whatever she wants and that includes leaving out Mulaney, but if you’re going to push the book as a tell-all memoir that is almost entirely centered around men shortly after your very public divorce, leaving him out totally feels unnatural and disingenuous. If it’s legal issues that keep her from mentioning him, then maybe she shouldn’t write the damn memoir.

Tendler is frankly unbearable to be inside the head of. She’s privileged (although she repeatedly stresses her financial hardship), judgmental, pretentious and somehow painfully uninteresting all at once. The real problem with this book is that it is boring, and the reason she feels the need to go into excessive detail about everything from her tiny wrists to a step by step guide on how to inject IVF hormones is because there is not enough content to fill a whole book without discussing Mulaney, which she can’t/won’t do. In the final third, readers are spoiled with pages upon pages of her talking about her designer dog, which I’m sorry, is not particularly compelling in a book that’s marketed as an exposé.

If your conclusion near the end of the book is “men are the cause of all my problems” then I don’t think you can really call the book memoir considering we can tell no self reflection was done—ma’am, you are severely mentally ill. That isn’t your fault, but it’s not your male barista’s fault either; it just sucks. By the end of the book, Tendler has learned nothing, digested nothing, and reflects on nothing, which is evident from the way she writes about herself. She is clearly still not in a good place and that is totally fine, but it doesn’t make for an honest memoir. The book ends by her going through her psych report in again, painful detail, complete with her calling every comment she disagrees with misogynistic for failing to accurately describe her experience. I think Tendler thinks that anything she doesn’t like or 100% resonate with is misogyny, which is uh, an interesting take from a rich white woman.

Women are allowed to be mediocre. Women should be allowed to be annoying and pretentious and self indulgent. Tendler is allowed to be these things. Doesn’t make this book any better.

If you loved this book, you’re probably a cis white woman. I can’t prove this, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.

2 stars.

[bookquotesfrombooks]

“The power wealth engenders is not always overt, it can be wrapped in a facade of generosity. That generosity can even be genuine and well-meaning. Having money (power) means you get to make a lot of the decisions that other people with less money (less power) simply have to go along with, even if they don’t want to.”

Anna Marie Tendler

Men Have Called Her Crazy

[the-final-sentence]

I do.

Anna Marie Tendler, from Men Have Called Her Crazy

[millybrowm]

just finished Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler and i really thought it was only okay and i am still processing and synthesizing my thoughts about it, BUT

but

i will say—setting aside John, who is referred to as “my husband”—every man she dates in that book gets a name except one guy she dates briefly, who she refers to as “The Addict”. i know she was deeply hurt by someone who suffer(s/ed) with addiction, but to reduce this other man to “the addict” strikes me as profoundly disrespectful.

[idontevenlistentomitski]

Truthfully, I first met anna Marie tendler through her ex husband’s comedy.

I’ve been on her side during the divorce and lost all my admiration and respect for said comedian. I’ve been waiting for her autobiography restlessly since it was announced and now that I’m halfway through it I can’t stop thinking about how much he used and distorted the character of a struggling woman to make the world laugh.

I’m reading about what she was experiencing, with sh and depression, and the years coincide with the times he was making me laugh about her on tv and thinking wow, they are so happy! I want a love like this!

Or finding out how her Jewishness, which I thought was a huge part of her character from his comedy, is only cultural and religion is not something she’s particularly interested in?

I’m angry at men, as I often am, I’m angry at this particular man most of all.

I’m angry she didn’t get what she deserved from him, I’m angry he used her to make us laugh and I’m angry I did laugh.

I had a completely different expectation of who she was as a person, what her passions were, what she was doing with her life and that was because I was fed a men’a narrative of what her life was.

I’m glad she’s dismantling that narrative, I’m glad she got her voice back, I’m glad she’s herself.

[judgingbooksbycovers]

Men Have Called Her Crazy: A Memoir

By Anna Marie Tendler.

[ryukisgod]

[valentinahogdahlholm]

The violent breaths of a profane soul//En profan själs våldsamma andetag:

I was too good to be true until I became true, Too perfect until I became human. And the light of holiness becomes profane, Scrubbed knees and vertebrae of steel. How should I say it another way? When the light of holiness goes out, what am I then? If only human? Promised paradise, the entire sky of stars,

A lie melting steel, Back, voice, words. Muse risen form the stanzas of poets and Appollo's hands, These words to make sense of it.

Lost in silenced prayers and ending psalms. Worshipped voice whose words fall on deaf ears, Fall from god's grace, Icon to golden calf. Mirrored in cracked stone tablets.

Because you cannot believe in burning blood, warm skin, beating hearts. Only worshipped fiction mirroring you in the metal of the halo, But underneath it all I was human. Liberated by salt tears, Lost promises of the crown of heaven. Freed air you tried to drink,

To call poisoned when the holy oxygen met the spring air. Instead of blessing lungs with prayers you spoke on my lips to dring, Gold of your lungs, Worship their purity. Which I banished with a violent breath collected underneath golden skin, Liberated by tears and the path of blood. Mixed with floods, Lakes free from guardian dogs and the eyes of doe.

Kissed feet echo further and further away, Kissed forehead turns upward And worshipped eyes fall on red roses and the path of the moon across the nigh sky.

Holy breathing declares false prophet of young blonde god, Whose voice, damned and echoing through the church, Torn down monuments, altars and icons. But still worshipping the angel, saint, godess they portray. Without seeing the scarred forehead. Only the muse risen from Apollo's fingers' dance over the lyre, Song from his lips. Oracle declaring the fate of our hero, Martyr to Messiah in a golden crown, Golden halo alone on her forehead, Blind for blood and pain, Eyes fixed on the holy light, open arms, blue shroud which will soon turn red from her bleeding humanity. And the name is erased from holy writings, Paintings covered in white sheets. Images covered with paint on churches' walls,

Thickening with layers and soon thicker again, When the halo crowns blonde curls once again, Making gold of your image in the mirror, Hers you swear. While lungs are filled by your prayers, To become madonna, angel, godess.

While I am condemned to rot, Not a single rose on my grave. As empty handed as before promises of celestial beauty in my hands, Condemned greed.

You sought holy blue light, And found the red dust of humanity, You sought a holy mythological image And found the profane existence of the soul. You sought a saint, a godess, an angel And found a human. You are dissapointed.

//

Jag var för bra för att vara sann tills jag blev verklig,

För perfekt tills jag blev mänsklig

Och helighetens ljus byttes mot profanitet,

Skrubbade knän och kotor av stål.

Hur ska jag uttrycka det på annat sätt än dessa ord? När det heliga ljuset släcks, och vad är jag då.

Om bara mänsklig? Lovad paradiset, natthimmelens alla stjärnor,

En lögn som smälter stål,

Rygg, stämma, ord.

Musa frammanad av poetens strofer och Apollos händer,

Dessa ord för att begripliggöra det.

Förlorad i tystade böner och utklingade psalmer.

Dyrkad stämma vars ord faller på döva öron,

Syndafall,

Ikon till gyllene kalv

Speglad i spräckta stentavlor.

För du kan inte tro på brinnande blod, varm hud, slående hjärtan,

Utan endast helgade fiktioner som speglar dig i glorians metall,

Men jag förblev människa när huden förgylldes.

Frigjord av salta tårar,

Förlorade löften om himmelrikets krona.

Frigjord luft du sökte supa,

För att kalla förgiftad när det heliga syret blandades ut med vårluften.

Istället för att välsigna dina lungor med bönerna du talat mot mina läppar för att supa in,

Förgylla dina lungor,

Dyrka dess renlärighet

Den jag förkastade med ett våldsamt andetag som samlats under den förgyllda huden,

Frigjordes med tårarnas och blodets bana ned,

Blandas med floder,

Källor fria från vaktande hundar och hjortars blängande ögon.

Kyssta fötter ekar längre och längre bort,

Kysst panna vänder sig uppåt

Och dyrkade ögon fäster sig på röda rosor och månens bana över natthimlen.

Helgade andetag förklarar falsk profet av ung blond gud,

Vars stämma, förkastanden, ekar genom kyrksalen,

River monument, altare och ikonbilder.

Men dyrkar ännu ängeln, helgonet, gudinnan de föreställer.

Utan att se den medföljande ärrade pannan,

Endast musan sprungen ur Apollos fingrars dans över lyran,

Sången från hans läppar.

Orakel som förtäljer vår hjältes öde,

Från martyr till Messias,

Iklädd guldbelagd törnekrona,

Endast krönt med gyllene gloria,

Blind för blodet och smärtan i blicken,

Ögonen fästa på det heliga skenet, öppna händer, blå skrud som snart blir röd av hennes blödande, flödande mänsklighet.

Och namnet suddas från heliga skrifter,

Målningar täckta med vita lakan,

Bilder täckta med spackel på kyrkoväggar,

Som tjocknar med lagren, och snart blir tjockare igen,

När glorian kröner blonda lockar åter en gång,

Förgyller din spegelbild.

Hennes spegelbild lovar du.

Medan hennes lungor fylls av dina böner,

För att bli madonna, ängel, gudinna.

Medan jag är fördömd att ruttna,

Inte ens en ros på min grav.

Lika tomhänt som innan löften om himlavalvets skönhet i mina händer.

Förbannade girighet.

Du sökte heligt blått sken,

Och fann mänsklighetens röda damm,

Du sökte helgad mytologisk bild

Och fann den profana själens existens,

Du sökte ett helgon, en gudinna, en ängel

Och fann en människa.

Du är besviken.

[showmethesneer]

Just when i start thinking about the similarities between this book and My Dark Vanessa, she starts talking about her love for Fiona Apple

[ninasbookshelf]

september 2024 reading wrap-up

hi all! i finished four books this month:

Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

A Conspiracy of Kings by Megan Whalen Turner (re-read)

Heaven Official’s Blessing Vol. 6 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

i’m thinking of doing a review post for Anna Marie Tendler’s book, so keep an eye out for that if you’re interested. i’ll try to remember to tag it properly so people can find it!