#for her character development specifically

[karlmarxmaybe]

Well, anime is from Japan, animation from China is called donghua. But the thing is (tw discussion of orientalism and transmisoginy):

That "hrt won't make you look like an anime girl, you'll just look like your mom" phrase is, I'll argue, more orientalist than transmisogynist, and it is plenty transmisogynist. The idea here is that Anime, a Japanese product, is corrupting the "Western" mind. That the beauty standards of "western" society do not come from it itself, but rather can be blamed on the "mysoginistic East". It's a very blatant contrast of the conceptualized West (the mom, the woman on the street) and the conceptualized, otherized Japan (anime). Is anime misogynistic? Yes, often. But singling it out as if it was the only thing, or even the main thing that is mysoginist and sets beauty standards for westerners is blatantly incorrect, and it is done as a form of orientalism.

Also it is transmisogynist in a specific way: denying transfems their desired change. Some people are frothing at the mouth for an opportunity to tell trans women "you cannot become who you want to be". They want to deny transfems autonomy. To say "hrt is not as powerful as you think. It can't work miracles. It can't make you happy." But they won't say that, because they present themselves as allies. So they construct a bullshit situation in which they're correct.

The trick being played here is making use of how a transfem's mom is likely to be associated with her egg years, her egg childhood, and very often a source of trauma, to say things will be just like when you were an egg. With a sentence that presents itself as feminist and anti-beauty standards, they instead confine the woman to the deppressive hell of egghood forever.

One of the biggest hesitations a transfem usually has about hrt is: what if it doesn't make things better? What if I'm still horribly depressed as a woman? And the only way for her to learn that yes, it will definetely make everything better than you can even imagine, is to go on hrt!!!! You cannot see out the surface while you're deep under the sea. "Will I truly not drown up there, too?"

And the transmisogynists deny them the truth. They do it not directly, but through these associations the targeted transfem has.

And it is actually targeting a lot of transfems! Because there is a large proportion of transfems whose process of egg-breaking is deeply tied to anime. Consider ranma 1/2 (especially), touhou, rgu and other animes in which women are the main characters. Anime girls have given these girls a chance to understand themselves, to see girls they can aspire to be. What is alluring to transfems about anime girls is not just that they're anime, it's that they are girls. Within the space of fiction, they can experiment with gender, allow themselves femininity.

If a transfem's western and gets into anime as a teen, when most eggs start questioning their identities, she can find something different from the cartoons she's watched before. If she gets, for example, into magical girl anime, she finds a world of dresses, transformation sequences, long luscious hair and unrelenting girl friendship. She can find Joy and long for it. Or consider the reverse. Ghost in the Shell. Lain. Eva. She can find stories of women lost, cut off from themselves by society and even questioning their selfhood. She can find understanding.

And the transmisogynists deny them this. They do it not directly, but through the associations the targeted transfem has. Mom & my street=suffering. Anime girls=who I wish I was. So when they say "you won't look like an anime girl, you will look just like your mom or a woman on the street", they mean things will be just like when you were an egg. Your newfound understanding of yourself is but an illusion, put in your brain by asians.

And obviously western transfems are not exempt from becoming weeaboo. Of developing a fascination with the "foreign" Japanese shows and culture that is indeed orientalist. The thing is, transfems are far from the only ones susceptible to this. This is, again, something that must be understood in the broader context of western society as a whole. So when transfems are singled out about it, it's not to discuss orientalism, but to go "lol look at this loser fakewoman, obsessed with weird Japanese stuff". And that sentiment is (besides transmisogynistic) also orientalist. It is obviously better to engage with anime as a form of art like any other than to single it out as weird and offputting like the racists do.

In fact, consider that this sentiment is trying to pull trans women away from both their desires and Japanese culture, which is something that in western society is meant to be mocked from afar. This double probibition makes both more alluring: the anime girl is now something the transfem is forbidden from, just like she is forbidden from being just girl. This is not to excuse orientalism among western transfems, simply an attempt to explain material circumstances that may lead to it.

In conclusion: the phrase "estrogen won't turn you into an anime girl, you'll look like your mom or like a regular lady on the bus" is an attempt to deny the effectiveness of estrogen, to tell transfems they belong in their egg past and break any desire for femininity they might have gotten from anime, in a move to deprecate the orientalized conception of Japan as "corruptive" of "Western" "men". Criticisms of orientalism in western queer circles are necessary, and this phrase is not one of them. It's just more orientalism. Get hrt.

estrogen will turn you into an anime girl. your imperfect fleshy body will melt away and be replaced with immaculate linework. your eyes will become the size of tennis balls. your hair will shine every colour of the rainbow. every time you move a poor overworked animator will only be paid 10 yen per frame.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

What are your thoughts on names in general? Be it names of a place, a character, a thing, etc....

How would you name a character?

How to Name Your Characters

Some authors have an easy time concocting a new character for their stories, but they have a harder time generating new names to give such a character. Here are some writing tips to get your creative juices flowing, help you source different names, and make sure each name fits with the character you’ve created:

Consult the phone book. Grab a random name from the phone book to get yourself started. Then feel free to tweak the real name you find to make it better match your character’s personality. Did you pull up the name Vickie Malone? If you’re developing a character proud of her social status, why not change the name to Vivien Malone?

Grab a baby name book. Baby name books can be found in bookstores, libraries, and online. If they’re good enough for naming a real-life family member, surely they can be good enough for fiction writers seeking the perfect male or female names.

Use a random name generator. The internet is full of character name generator websites. A simple search will bring up a slew of these and get you on your way to choosing a useful list of names to pick from. You can even use a specialized name generator, like a fantasy name generator, to help you pick a genre-appropriate unusual name.

Pay homage to famous names from a book or movie. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so if you want to pay your respect to a bestselling author or screenwriter, find a way to incorporate part of one of their best character names into your own work. This particularly works if you’re writing in the same genre—such as science fiction or superhero comics—as the author to whom you’re paying homage. You can even name a character after an author.

Make use of root meanings. A name meaning can derive from its cultural roots—including Latin, Greek, Sanskrit, or any cultural background. If you research the ancient meanings of certain names, you might be able to seed ideas about your characters in readers’ heads. For instance, the Welsh god of the sea is named Dylan, so this might be a good character name for a mariner. The word linda means “beautiful” in Spanish, so it may be apt to name a gorgeous female character Linda.

Don’t get hung up on finding the perfect name. Ultimately, audiences care far more about a character’s arc and three-dimensionality than their specific name. If you audition different names but find you’re unable to find one you truly like, insert a placeholder and keep writing. You can come back later and brainstorm similar names, or you can just let the placeholder become the final name for your character. At the end of the day, that name choice will not save or sink your manuscript; it will be a small part of a cohesive whole product.

Characteristics of a Good Character Name

There is no fixed formula for giving your characters a great name, but a memorable and interesting name will tend to have the following qualities:

It makes sense in context. A good character name is appropriate for the location and time period of your novel, short story, play, movie, or TV show.

It fits with the genre of your piece. For instance, the name Darth Vader might be the perfect name for a sci-fi villain, but would not fit a real-life drama set in rural Nebraska.

It is unique. Try to avoid evoking popular names from other works of fiction. Note, however, that some authors select similar names for effect, the way that George R.R. Martin’s Samwell Tarley seems to intentionally evoke the fantasy name Samwise Gamgee from J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. Even Martin’s own name, with its double initials, seems to pay homage to Tolkien.

It is appropriate for a character’s role in the narrative. The audience may be able to surmise a certain type of character by simply reading or hearing their name. Shakespeare was a master of this, assigning whimsical sounding names to jesters (i.e. Sir Toby Belch in Twelfth Night), unique singular names for a main character (i.e. Hamlet, Othello, and Prospero), and common names to common characters (i.e. John Bottom and Francis Flute in A Midsummer Night’s Dream).

It’s memorable without being distracting. Readers of Vladimir Nabakov’s Lolita could behold the unusual name of Humbert Humbert and know that they were dealing with a less-than-trustworthy character, yet Mr. Humbert’s odd name does not provide such distraction that a reader cannot focus on plot, backstory, and character development.

The Importance of Character Names

Character name meaning varies from text to text.

Some novelists imbue a name with symbolic meaning that indicates a particular type of character.

The 19th century American writer Nathaniel Hawthorne was known to use names to foreshadow character traits.

Examples: the foolish, hypocritical Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale in The Scarlet Letter and the titular character from the short story Young Goodman Brown, who represents a Puritanical mindset emblematic of a particular time period.

Other authors give less heed to symbolism when selecting the right name, but they nonetheless use names to offer clues about a character’s social status, nationality, and family heritage.

In his epic novel War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy used character naming to differentiate between different classes of people within Russia’s complicated semi-caste system, from simple peasants to the aristocracy to military leaders.

Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Found this article that put it into words better than I can. Choosing the right names of places, characters, and even things in your story serve so many important purposes for worldbuilding, development of plot & characters... Ideally, we want something that would stick with the readers, and fits well with the story as a whole. You could look back on classic literature/films, or your favourite pieces of media, and you'll likely find that names of characters and places are well chosen, and usually are memorable or even "catchy". We could always learn a lot from the classics and our favourite authors. Also, some writers find using templates helpful, here's one you could try: Naming your Character Worksheet

[that-hazbin]

I know Alastors your favorite character so bear with me but

Charlie's internalized classism (She's my privileged cunt and I love her <3)

Starting off with the definition, "Classism is a form of discrimination that treats people differently based on their social class..."First, let's start off with how she throws money around. She goes off and buys a hotel on a whim and impulse. She doesn't take the time to plan out the hotel before opening it. She has no staff members, and the hotel is broken down and racked. Simply fixing up the place would be hard work but wouldn't even cost that much!

Now let's talk about how she clearly only views sinners as 'dirty' and 'evil'. She doesn't ever outright state her opinions on sinners besides rambling in about their 'potential'. She thinks they all need to be redeemed and doesn't question the system until it harms her.Her views on Angel Dust's job make it so obvious that she has either never worked or only had plush internship-type jobs. She simply says to take time off and is shocked that he can't take time off willy-nilly. Her constants disapproval of his job and her generally pretty dismissive attitude only serves to emphasize this more!

I think the hotel initially belonged to the Morningstar family, actually, she didn't need to buy it because she's privileged enough to ALREADY OWN this giant ass building that works perfectly for her purposes.

And yeah, Charlie is very classist lmao. I love her, but she comes off so unintentionally mean at times and I KNOW she would be DEVASTATED to learn how rude she can come off as.

Like, that skit she made Angel perform where he's a drug dealer was genuinely SO MEAN. It targeted him so specifically, regarding drug addiction, making him call himself a "crackhead," and Sir Pentious basically saying "having sex before marriage is Wrong." Like??? Charlie, girl, holy SHIT. I would have been so pissed at her regardless of her good intentions lmaooo.

Someone made a post before that while Charlie has good intentions, she actually has pretty low empathy. Which is 100% true, she is very blind in regards to others' feelings and circumstances. And of course she is, she lived an extremely sheltered life in comparison to literally every other person in hell. She's literal royalty, one of her parents very loudly HATES sinners, and was definitely brought up to think herself as "above" her subjects. She doesn't intend to think that way, but she was raised into it.

She's nice, but she's also mean and I really love that dichotomy of her character. She's got a lot of room for some really interesting character development that I can't wait to see in later seasons.

[pansexualkiba]

We've already hit fifteen-hundred votes! So here's a list of all the references hidden in these options:

So while most of them are tropes or twists on some classic fantasy standard (the Mad King and his knight/missing daughter/untalented jester, Witch Who Can't Make Potions, etc), there are a few that are just straight references to media!

To start at the most obscure one, "John Brown, the abolitionist" is literally just a shoutout to the fanfiction where John Brown, the real-ass guy from the Civil War, dies at Harpers Ferry, is reborn into an isekai universe, and just straight-up starts slave rebellions and kills slaveowners. You can read it here!

"Pregnant Guy who doesn't know which mythological being is the father" is actually kind of an obtuse Mamma Mia situation. Not surprised no one really connected the dots.

"Herpetologist with way too much money" is a reference to A Series Of Unfortunate Events, specifically Uncle Monty Montgomery, the Baudelaires' rich uncle whose escaped snake ends up being a Garden of Eden allegory

"Unpretentious girl from Memphis" is straight-up lifted from the lyrics of the song Twilight Zone, by the Manhattan Transfer.

The "deep-sea diver with a revolver" option is basically this timeless Achewood panel.

"Illiterate mage" is actually a reference to the character Nino from Fire Emblem! She's a young girl whose stepmother demanded be unable to read, so as to keep her from developing her powerful magical potential. However, she then learned how to do tome-based magic in secret by copying the motions her stepmother was doing. Oops!

"Devout Priest but you don't know what you're worshiping" is an obtuse reference to Reimu Hakurei from Touhou Project, who, despite being a shrine maiden, has no idea who her fucking patron deity even is (a secret apparently zero people know), and yet has insane divine power regardless.

And, finally, the one we all knew about.

YOU'VE JUST BEEN ISEKAI'D!

You know how it is. You were hit by a truck or fell from a great height, and now you're trapped in a fantasy land! Quick, spin this wheel to find out what you've reincarnated as!

Remember to show this to all your friends :)

[omegastation]

Here comes my review (mostly writing & lore) of the Mass Effect Official Cocktail Book. I also included a list of all characters named with all page numbers related to their mentions.

I’m including this for our Andromeda Appreciation Week because the last part of the book is Andromeda-related :)

Introduction:

Cassandra Reeder is the recipe developer and Jim Festante is the writer.

The book is written by two writers in-universe. The first one is an asari calling herself “Ambree T’Sia” who is a lot like Gossip Girl (“you won’t guess and I’ll never tell” is an actual line in the book). We have to guess her identity but she doesn’t mind spreading a lot of stories about people and their drinks. 

The second writer is an angara called Roa who decided to add recipes to T’Sia’s existing ones, but more adapted to the Andromeda Galaxy. Roa dreams of a better world for everyone. He’s friend with Dutch and Anan from the Vortex.

Each writer presents drinks based on locations: bars and spots in the two galaxies. There also some snacks recipes as well.

Review: 

It’s hard for me to say anything about the recipes, though I will say it seems like there are different ingredients so a bit of everything for everyone. The difficulty can be adjusted: I thought some drinks looked really complicated to make (and some use other drinks in the books as base), but if you want to do a simple cocktail/mocktail, there are at least 10 good options.

Some recipes are directly named after characters or inspired by characters, so it might be fun to try some based on your favs. 

One drink seems weird to me, and that’s the N7 Shooter (mostly because of the mix of ingredients). If you try it, tell me what you think. 

Regarding American measurement: if you want to be precise, I would wait for a translation. Otherwise, I would get a cup and google some stuff before making it.

The drinks I'll try at some point, in a mocktail version only:

Tuchanka Sunset - 22

Perfection - 54

Tupari Blast - 61

Denorian Beer Granita - 64

Tequila Se’lai - 70

Shadowbrokertini - 74

The Mindfish - 83

Calibration Cooler - 95

Pink Marble - 130

Marljeh - 142

Kadara Sunrise - 143

So that’s pretty much it for the food & drinks, sorry!

My review is more about the lore and the writing.

I found the witty tone enjoyable. I like that there’s a distinction between how T’Sia writes and how Roa writes at the end of the book. T’Sia gossips a lot but there’s no malice. Roa is very earnest and seems quite adorable to me.

You’ll see I wrote down all the characters named and the pages, sometimes it says something about the writer, sometimes not.  A good example: Samantha is mentioned 5 times by T’Sia. She finds her charming and young, and mostly links her to drinks and other people (a full EDI/Traynor-like drink is in there). Meanwhile, Drack is mentioned 4 times, Vetra 3 times, but Roa has an entire page about how fascinated he is by Vetra.

Regarding what we learn, lore-wise: not a whole lot. It mostly plays on what we already know. 

What we do learn has to do with some characters. Without being too spoilery, it’s very light and fun for the most part - like Joker and Steve having a challenge, Vega seducing T’Sia, characters loving specific drinks (like Traynor), etc. Some characters (like Kaidan and Miranda) are sharing their woes or backstory. Roa, in the later part of the book, talks a lot about Dutch and their meeting is very very cute.

My favorite anecdote is that Liam’s movie night spreads to the Nexus and becomes a tradition :)

Some characters are very absent while others are more present. I would say it’s logical in a way, but it’s one thing to be aware of. If you’re a fan of Jaal, there are no mentions in the book. Though, like I said, a mention doesn’t always mean a lot: Peebee is mentioned once but we learn nothing new.  I also found it a bit sad that Ashley is not in the book. Obviously, I’m happy to have Kaidan there, but Ashley would have been a wonderful character for fun anecdotes here.

Characters named and pages:

Note: if you find that I forgot a mention, drop me a DM. I’ll add the page and/or character!

Joker - 12, 98

Sel Vass - 14

Solem Dal’serah - 21

Karin Chakwas - 25

Padok Wiks and and Urp - 26

Wrex - 26, 65, 106

Aria - 19, 27

Oleg Petrovsky - 27

James Vega -29, 46, 112

Shepard - 33, 30, 41, 93

Garrus - 37, 38, 95

Samantha - 42, 43, 73, 97, 106

Kaidan - 49, 106, 116

Miranda - 54

Kasumi - 55

Doran - 59, 60, 61

Grunt - 66

Fist - 69

Anderson - 71

Elijah Khan - 81, 88

Emily Wong - 93

Jack - 94

EDI - 97, 106, 

Steve - 98, 120

Tali - 101

Aethyta - 51, 57, 106

Dutch smith - 123, 126, 127, 131, 156

Anan T’Mari - 123, 127, 131, 156

Ryder - 123, 128, 133, 135

Drack - 133, 134, 137, 152

Umi Henon - 133, 134, 135, 138

Vetra - 137, 144, 154

Peebee - 137

Sloane - 138

Lexi - 138

Khan Dagher - 141, 143, 147

Kesh - 150

Suvi - 154

Buxil - 156

Niilj - 156

[ngage2003]

Hi I love your mh character analysis posts they are so GOOD, would you be able to do more about Tim pretty please :]

First of all, Thank you :-)! Second of all, yeah I have some things I can say about Tim, though a bit funnily, they are a bit discoordinated compared to some of my other analyses.

After all, out of all the characters in Marble Hornets, Tim Wright is the one we know most about, as his life is laid out for us pretty definitely over the course of the series. Because of this, my focus tends to be on his metaphorical other half, Masky, but I do have some things to say about the two of them and their upbringing, and a few unanswered questions which I will try to satisfactorily put my pen to.

⟦content warning: discussions of child abuse/dangerous households, suicide, hospitals, and wildly off the rails theorycrafting⟧

Alright, so why is Tim a system? This is a question some of you may raise your eyebrow at if you're unfamiliar with DID but stick with me here. We know that Tim only started being taken by the Operator and having seizures in 1995, when he was a child, but over seven years old. (I'll get into how we know this later.) We as a society honestly don't know a lot about Dissociative Identity Disorder and its sisters but one thing we do know is it is caused by extensive stress/trauma inducing dissociation in a extremely young childhood, usually under the age of seven if not even younger, where the mind dissociating from trauma to protect itself causes it to fail to coalesce/develop properly into one identity. That is the main theory behind how DID forms, and given that Tim is only seeming to be extensively exposed to the Operator at seven, but would that be enough for Tim to develop DID? Alex didn't develop it, despite also being hinted at having been exposed to it at the same age.

Note: In enttry #37, we see a home video of Alex at 6 years old in 1991, with heavy Operator distortion implying that it has somehow corrupted this tape and/or was here. This combined with the fact Alex repeatedly goes to a playground to confront/find the Operator in my opinion more or less guarantees that he saw it as a young child. This makes sense especially considering the original "Something Awful" forum pictures in my opinion. Alex's backstory with the Operator basically directly references them, which would make sense since they literally inspired the series.

Granted, you could just hand wave this or go "ok but who cares, they probably weren't even trying to make a character with DID," and yeah, you're right, but I want to actually look at Tim's character and explore his childhood a bit to try to understand it, especially in relation to this fact.

Our main fount of information in relation to Tim's childhood is Entry 66 and Entry 60.5. I am going to start with the latter, for a few very specific reasons.

See, in Entry 60.5, we actually get to see 5 of Tim's medical documents, not just one. This is a fact that is seemingly forgotten a lot by the fandom, and I wanted to get into it for my speculation.

The first document we see though is a Pediatric Admissions Profile from December 12th 1995, followed up by a Pediatric Admissions Assessment of the same year at 11:45 A.M. I do not believe these records are from his institutionalization, but rather a hospital visit that directly proceeded it, one that was probably caused by Tim having a seizure at home and needing to go to the hospital, but lets take this one step at a time.

These Admissions forms explain that Tim's conditions and symptoms at his time of admittance, ones we know well as products of Operator exposure. They also give us a precious piece of information that never comes up again though.

Tim's mom's name.

Janet Wright answers all the questions on the Pediatric Admissions Profile, and it is through her answers that we learn several facts, like that Tim has completed 2nd grade at the time of these papers, (meaning he is probably in 3rd,) and that he is on an anti-convulsant, along with the fact he has a history of falls, apparently needs/has glasses, has emotional barriers to learning, that someone has smoked in the house in the past year, and that Tim lives at home alone with her.

This is something reaffirmed on the PA Assessment, which was probably something that either a nurse or his Psychiatrist filled out by asking Tim himself questions.

Under Category 5., Assistance required for Care, there is a part where it says that for emotional support, "Child relys on: Mother (✓) Father ( ) Sibling ( )". Additionally, it also says asks, "who else besides parents might be staying with child?" Which is answered with a Not Applicable, along with the question, "has your family had any recent changes in your life? (moved, divorce, birth, death, new job, etc.)" Which is also answered with a no.

It continues, and we learn from it that Tim has poor orientation to time along with his chronic headaches, as well as signs and symptoms of depression, as well as that he struggles to engage with peers his age and doesn't have/begin hobbies.

Most importantly though, it is mentioned that his condition isn't affected by his household, which could refer to simply his seizures, but I think is important to mention given his depressive symptoms. At least in this moment, it doesn't seem like to the person doing the assessment that Tim is depressed due to his mom.

(Though that can be hard to pick up on but regardless.)

We also learn that he experiences high risk on a Fall Assessment Scale, as he is checked off as "confused, disoriented, hallucinating, combative," and having a history of "syncope, seizures,"—which is underlined—"postural hypotension".

I believe he only really started to have seizures this year though, as it is mentioned under "Plan of Care" that he ran away from home two "somethings" ago before being found at Rosswood, which I believe to be weeks or months. (If it was two years, why still mention it here?) I don't think that Tim ran away though, but rather, was taken and teleported by the Operator and Operatortured, an event that left him having chronic seizures. After all, despite Jay being exposed to the Operator for years, we only see him begin to have those only after the Operator snatches him in Entry 72. I think this snatching/possible Operatorture is key in it inducing/beginning to induce seizures.

Moving on though, two of the next three documents are from the same day, with both being from 7/8/02.

The first (Delayed Therapy Communication Form) that we are shown being filled out at 15:10 or 3:10 PM, and the second being an assessment (Suicide/Self-Harm Assessment Tool) that was filled out at 8:45 in the morning, probably by hospital staff in preparation for therapy later in the day. On the latter, Tim was left with a rather high suicide risk score, and a comment of supposedly untrustworthy answers.

There is a document that Jay reads sandwiched between these two though, from 1/10/Year Redacted. It is a Brief Operative Progress Note, about a procedure seemingly in relation to an unmedical wound with a ton of redacted information, and based on placement and the fact "Hoody" purposefully arranged the papers like this, I believe he was trying to imply to Jay that this was a suicide attempt by Tim at the start of 1996, which led to his hospitalization.

-

Wow. Ok. That was a lot. Let's summarize and break down the facts though.

At the end of 1995, Tim Wright is being raised by his single mother, Janet Wright, with it being unclear if his dad was ever in the picture. Tim was probably in 3rd grade at the end of 1995, which puts him at around eight to nine years old. At this point, he seemingly had a history of seizures, but around this time he also started showing symptoms of depression, hallucinations and even supposedly "ran away" from home at one point.

It seems like Hoody, based on how he organized these papers, seems to want us to think that at the start of 1996, Tim had either a suicide attempt, or a violent episode that could've been misconstrued as a suicide attempt.

Note: Personally, I think it was misconstrued. I say this because well, we know how the Operator can warp reality, and in Entry 66 Tim says, "My mom [sent me inpatient] when I was really young, but she never told me exactly why," and that the doctors seemingly gossiped about the fact he had violent episodes and hallucinations which led to him being institutionalized, which he doesn't remember. Of course, maybe Tim was just lying to Jay and leaving stuff out, but based on the rest of this scene and everything else he says, I find that unlikely. I think it is possible that Masky tried to defend himself and Tim from the Operator and got hurt in the process, and due to his lack of verbality and strange/differing behavior from Tim's, it was interpreted as a violent and/or suicidal episode cause by a hallucination. Either way, none of this does align with the fact the wound is "clean," but that could be more about it not being infected and/or recent than a clean cut.

Either way, after this, in conjunction with advice from doctors and the stress of caring for a mentally ill child and hospital visits/bills, Janet Wright admitted Tim into inpatient care.

It is after this point, (based on dialogue from Entry 66,) that we know Tim sort of fell out with his mother, as she "wasn't really around" for him to ask things. I can't say why she distanced herself from him, and honestly that is where my sympathy runs dry for her, but we know based on what Tim doesn't say that he more or less didn't have any family. His mother was probably raising him on her own, and her decision to put him inpatient probably had to do with the fact she just couldn't care for him and genuinely thought it would be better/safer.

Ok. Cool. Unfortunately, still none of this answers the question as to why Tim is a system. Based on all this supplementary evidence though, I do have two kind of routes/ideas I could see as possible/likely which I want to share, so pick your poison.

A】 Janet Wright was neglectful, either by accident or on purpose.

Neglect can cause DID, especially severe emotional neglect causing a disruption in child development, and if Tim's dad was never in the picture, along with the stresses of being a single mom, it could be hard for Ms Wright to meet Tim's needs. Maybe she didn't even want to be a parent, but found out she was pregnant to late, and so decided to "give it a shot."

The real mold in the juice box for this theory though is the fact that Tim's medical records (Pediatric Admission Assessment, Page 2, 6. Abuse/Neglect/Exploitation Screen) answers no to "evidence of neglect by caretakers." Granted however, this is when Tim is in 3rd grade, and it can be hard to always pick up on emotional neglect. Perhaps it could be misconstrued as depressive symptoms for example, and Tim's issues with starting hobbies and connecting with peers could be due to him not being properly socially met/developed growing up, but honestly I am unsure how I fully feel about this theory.

What it comes down to is just that, besides knowing she smokes regularly, we don't know much about Janet Wright, and while she fell out of touch with Tim, that could be for literally any number of reasons. Demonizing her or deifying her both kind of make me grimace. Maybe she blames herself for his condition and her guilt drives her away, and after a while she felt it would be wrong of her to go back after abandoning Tim in the first place. Maybe she just never wanted a kid and took the option to ditch him. The point I am getting at is we just don't know.

Which is what brings me to theory two.

B】 Tim's dad was in some way abusive, causing Janet to leave him to protect Tim but leaving him with trauma.

It would explain why Tim's dad isn't in the picture in a way that feels concrete, and why Tim never tried to reach out to his dad's side along with why he has DID. Maybe too, if Janet was in an abusive relationship, that somehow got in the way of her reaching out to her side of the family, which is why Tim never did either and why she didn't have any help for raising him and dealing with his conditions.

I don't really have much to say on this one either, but it would explain why there isn't direct evidence of neglect along with why his mom isn't blamed for his depressive symptoms by the doctor and why Tim said in his Assessment that he relies on his mom for emotional support. That is because he does, but they were just unfortunately in a situation for a while where he couldn't properly get it.

Sure, she probably isn't perfect, but in this reading she does care for him, and did try to get him a better life.

I think this would especially make sense when you consider the fact that Masky, Tim's protector alter, has a feminine presentation.

Often alters formed in especially early youth will take heavy direct inspiration from their environment, especially parents. Maybe since Tim's mom did protect him some of the time and eventually got him away from his dad, this idea of her and by extension femininity as a whole being this unstoppable, almost deified force of nature stuck with him on a subconscious level. She was fierce and seemed impenetrable, especially to a little kid who idolizes their caregiver in the face of abuse, and I think that influenced why Tim's brain made a protector like Masky that is simultaneously feminine aligned out of the blue and so aligned with defending people/defensive violence.

Because yes, Masky is violent, and often they do threaten/attack Alex with "Hoody," but that could easily be because they remember the fact Alex attacked them in Entry 56/57 along with stuff like the fact "Hoody" most likely told them about how Alex killed him and needs to be taken care of. They know Alex is dangerous, and so a lot of their actions are protective or in an attempt to save other people.

Like, in Entry 35, their motives can be hard to read, yes, but if they just wanted to fight someone they could have easily gone for Jay instead of running past him to get Alex. I actually think they could've easily been waiting here because they knew Alex was following Jay and this was the last place Jay was, and they wanted to stop Alex from getting to him because he could (and literally does) try to kill Jay. Along with this incident, they stop Alex from shooting Jay and Jessica in Entry 52, and seemingly distract him while those two escape and drive away to safety. They also act to protect/save Jessica from the Operator and Alex with Hoody in Entry 76. They also seemingly only stop directly working with Hoody after he hurts Tim, i.e. causing him to have a seizure to trigger them out, which Masky seeming to sever their partnership over.

Listen, there's no answer as to why Masky is feminine, and maybe there doesn't need to be, but based on how DID works and Masky's general behavior, to me it is obvious that they took subconscious inspiration from something, and I think it could be how their mom protected them and Tim.

Note: This is not to say Masky and Tim have a maternal/parental relationship, even if Masky is partially based on their mom in an abstract sense. In my opinion, they have a relationship almost similar to like, how siblings will go through trauma together and be bonded by that fact because they wholly understand what the other person is going through, or how a slightly older child might try to take care of a younger one and be parent-ified but still while not holding the authority and control of a parent, though obviously different because they're a system. I guess my main point though is that they're equals, and Masky loves Tim very much. Masky does have some power over Tim because they cause amnesia when they front during traumatic episodes and accidentally puts him in danger sometimes, but ultimately they have a more push-pull relationship to me, even if Tim isn't aware of it. Because, even if Masky does front sometimes, Tim is usually the one in control almost all of the time. But really that's another post I could make lmao.

Either way, whatever way you think Tim got DID, one thing is clear. His life fucking sucks.

-

If you want my personal belief on what his childhood is like, taken with a bit of salt, I don't think Janet Wright is purely innocent, (she could've very easily been incidentally neglectful given the vagueness of the circumstances,) but I do think that Tim's dad could have been a shithead if only because of how it parallels my Alex headcanons and I like that, along with Masky being based on their mom aesthetically to some extent.

(As a system, I loveee system weirdness.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.

[nikethestatue]

A personal rant.

About the state of fandom in romantasy in general.

I scrolled through Reddit today and encountered this:

This is a comment—one out of over 160, about a popular series. This is not SJM specific, but I see something similar day in and day out.

Specifically regarding SJM, a good chunk of comments are all about how SJM is a money grabber, how every character sucks, how Rhys is a dictator, Feyre is a breeder, Elain should’ve died, cassian is an abuser, and on and on.

And then we all complain about SJMs silence. Her lack of interaction with the fandom. Her disinterest in the readers.

And then I think: writers, who write for weeks, months and sometimes years are doing this as a Job. This is their work. And not only do they deserve to be compensated for their work, but also….appreciated? How about that?

How would any of these keyboard warriors feel if someone came to them and berated every single thing that they did. Publicly. Wrote long reviews of every mistake, fault, and totally personal opinions about the quality of their performance at work?

Oh, well, authors should have thicker skin!!!’

Why?

Authors write books.

It’s a boring and lonely activity (trust me I know). And they often crank out huge book annually.

And then…they have to deal with this avalanche of hate, derision and complaints.

No one trains authors to develop ‘thicker skin’. They are often suburban moms who wanted to write. They aren’t trained by the CIA to develop survival tactics and not pay attention to all the crap that is being posted about them and their work.

SJM’s writing has been called every possible derogatory word, she’s been called everything from a racist to a money grabber to a plagiarizer.

Honestly? When is this going to stop?

The way readers treat writers is revolting.

What happened?

Is this because the internet offers anonymity and you can just say anything?

I get writing an honest review (hey I hated HOFAS! But I chose not to write a review because I knew it wouldn’t have been kind) or offering a genuine critique about something, but my god…a little kindness? A little grace?

Can anyone really blame SJM for completely withdrawing from the fandom? Can you imagine waking up, going on your basic social media and only seeing endless vitriol in regard to what you’ve created?

I don’t even know why I’m writing this but I guess I’m just tired of seeing books and authors that I love and who changed the trajectory of my life being bashed and insulted all over the internet.

Sometimes, not saying anything is the best policy.

[redgoldsparks]

January Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut. You might notice the layout image looks different! I have switched to using the Storygraph wrap up and I'm now linking to the Storygraph reviews as well :)

The Sweetness Between Us by Sarah Winifred Searle 

Perley and Amandine are both readjusting to high school life after a major health crisis. Perley was diagnoses with diabetes; Amandine was turned into a vampire after a car crash nearly ended her life. They bond in remedial classes over just wishing their lives could go back to normal. Perley tentatively rejoins the knitting club; Amandine wants to rejoin a sports team but struggles with exhaustion; both of them have less energy than they had before. Their friendship develops into something more, but can they maintain a romance when they are both still figuring out their own shit? This is a very sweet slice of life story with a fun dash of the supernatural. I wanted a little more from some of the queer themes; I spent most of the book unsure of Perley's pronouns. But I was absolutely rooting for these two oddball teens to find their way back to each other.

LaserWriter II by Tamara Shopsin

This is a novel, loosely, but more so it's a little window back into a specific era of repairable technology and the people who were drawn to it. Set almost entirely in a (real, I think) Mac repair shop in New York City in the 1990s, this book jumps from backstory to backstory, introducing a range of self-taught computer fanatics. The cast and the story both feel wide but not deep. I didn't get to know anyone well, not even Claire, the newest hire and lead character. It did give me some serious nostalgia, even though I was really too young in this era to really have any meaningful relationship with it's technology. A weird but charming little book.

The City in Glass by Nghi Vo, read by Susan Dalian

The demon Vitrine has been nurturing, building, challenging and haunting the port city of Azril for hundreds of years when the angels come to burn it to the ground. She tries to defend her people from the heavenly attack but only succeeds in cursing one of angel, embedding a thorn of spite in his side. When his brothers leave, he is forced to stay, and since he has nothing else to do, he watches her begin the long, painful process of cleaning and rebuilding. This is a dreamy stream of consciousness book with less plot that I'm used to from Nghi Vo. I'll admit this one captured me less than her work usually does though the prose is very beautiful.

The Concierge at the Hokkyoku Department Store vol 1 by Tsuchika Nishimura 

Akino is a new hire at the Hokkyoku Department Store, a store build to serve talking animal customers including many unusual and nearly extinct species. Akino must find a way to be present, polite and helpful without hovering or intruding on the customers experience. This is harder than it sounds, especially with fussy managers always watching the store floors! Sweet, silly, and very warm hearted. I like the delicate, retro lineart style.

The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting by KJ Charles read by Cornell Collins 

Another fun historical m/m romance from KJ Charles, this one more in the comedy of manners genre. I had a good time with it, I liked the leads, and as usual the secondary characters really shown. I did wish the enemies part of the enemies to lovers plot had lasted a bit longer, and the overall silliness of the story isn't going to make this the first Charles book I rec to anyone unfamiliar with her work, but it kept me entertained.

Noodle and Bao by Shaina Lu 

Momo loves living in Town 99, a historically Chinese neighborhood where she knows everyone and all the best places to eat and hang out. But things are changing. Her parents are worried about making rent, and her favorite restaurant was kicked out of its location and now operates out of a cart. The owner of the new restaurant, Fancé Cafe, has big plans to buy out the whole block and upscale everything. Momo rallies her friends and neighbors to fight back against the gentrification. This is a very sweet book for young readers, with talking animal characters and whimsical food battles interwoven with community organizing. An epilogue explains the issues around gentrification for a child who might not have encountered it before.

Brownstone by Samuel Leer and Mar Julia 

Almudena grew up with her white mom, always wondering about the Guatemalan father she'd never met. Until one summer mid-high school when her mom heads off to Europe for a dance tour and drops her off at the Brooklyn brownstone her father, Xavier, is renovating. Almudena has to navigate around a language barrier, an through unfamiliar neighborhood, and into a close knit Latino community many of whom see her as not brown enough to count. But Almudena is determined not to let this opportunity to know her father slip away. This is such a warmhearted book, funny and kind, with a really well developed cast. The art and the writing make a perfect whole, capturing a deeply specific mid-1990s moment. I've been following the artist's self published releases for years and I'm so happy to see their work shine in a full length book!

Leap by Simina Pepesco 

Ana is a college student in a contemporary dance program in Budapest, but her heart has fallen out of dancing. She skips her own classes to spent time rehearsing with her secret girlfriend, Carina, an ambitious ballerina in the classical program. Her new roommate, Sara, transferred out of classical and into contemporary and is thriving in the new, more supportive environment. She's also starting to develop feelings for the kind teacher, Marlena, who helped her transfer. Both of them are struggling to figure out their relationships with their art, as well as their sexualities, as well as how safe or not safe it feels to be out at their private, gossip-prone school. This is a really well told and well drawn coming of age story; I also really appreciated it as a story of queer friendship which complicated some of the standard narratives around first crushes/first relationships/coming out being kind of anti-climatic, half affirming, half disappointing. Definitely recommend!

Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar 

What a book! Several of my friends called this one of their top reads of last year and I can see why. The book centers around Cyrus Shams, a poet and recovering addict, who was raised in the US by a single father. The pair left Iran when Cyrus was a baby after his mother was killed in a passenger plane, shot down by mistake by the US army. In his late 20s, Cyrus is mostly drifting through life, working weird part time jobs, sometimes writing, trying to stay sober. He wants to write about the concept of martyrdom, about dying for a cause, or what makes people consider a death meaningful. When he hears of a Persian artist literally hosting her last weeks as she dies of cancer in the Brooklyn Museum of Art, Cyrus flies to New York City to speak with her. Their conversations will impact him more than he could ever have dreamed. This is an usually structured book, full of flashbacks, alternate POVs, dream sequences. It's rich with layers of symbolism and meaning, especially with repeated references to names, to lineage, to legacy, the lingering trauma of violence and revolution, and what a life of art demands from the artist. This book surprised and moved me. I'm delighted that it was chosen by my book club, so I've got a lengthy conversation with friends about this book to look forward to!

The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde read by Susan Duerden 

The Eyre Affair is a mystery-crime-sci-fi-comedy novel for the literary nerd. It is set in England in an alternate universe version of the 1980s, in which cloning of extinct animals for household pets is common, time travel looked down on as wretched career choice, and literary crimes get their own whole division in the police force. Thursday Next is a veteran of the Crimean War (which has been running more than a century) and a Lit Crimes special agent- her expertise is immediately needed when a priceless Dickens' manuscript is stolen by a thief whose image does not register on film. Things quickly get strange- and also hilarious.

Re-read in 2025: I revisited this after reading and loving Jasper Fforde's stand alone sci-fi novel Early Riser last year. Unfortunately, The Eyre Affair suffered in comparison- the main villain of the book is very weak, and I can now see the pacing issues of this debut novel. I still found it very funny and probably caught more of the classic lit jokes than I did last time, but it's no longer the Fforde novel I'd suggest people start with. Try one of his more recent works! 

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat vol 3 by Sakaomi Yuzaki translated by Caleb Cook

This series just keeps getting more and more adorable! This volume introduced two new characters, and I braced for a moment hoping they wouldn't be rivals to the main couple, who are very slowly beginning to flirt. I should not have doubted!! Both newbies immediately seen that Nomoto and Kasuga are interested in each other and begin to cheer lead/wing man from the sides. Plus, in the author's note, the author talks about selling merch for a Japanese organization supporting marriage equality. I can't wait to read more!

[achaotichuman]

ACOTAR Discussion

Okay, so recently my mutual @sonics-atelier posted this fic Perfect To Me (which is so fucking amazing, I cried, go read it rn) and in this fic, they write about Tamlin developing an eating disorder (specifically anorexia) since his body changed after starting to get Spring back on its feet. And it started me down a whole rant about fictional characters being the pinnacle of beauty standards, specifically in relation to what they're bodies look like. So, to save my mutuals the long spam texts about my thoughts, I'm gonna post em here.

General trigger warning- Discussion of a variety of eating disorders, body dysmorphia and Cassian.

SJM covers disordered eating within ACOTAR, it happens specifically to the female characters. And this is something, I have a huge problem with. That might seem like a massive asshole sentence, but let me explain my thought process.

These eating disorders are not well respresented, they do not further affect the plot, they only serve to be an outward appearance to the male saviour characters that something is wrong, and they never appear on the female characters in a way that makes them any less pretty, in fact, I would say, the resulting skinniness from said disordered eating, is the desired result. By that I mean, yes I think SJM writes her female characters starving themselves to make them fit the female beauty standard.

This is very evident with Nesta, who somehow miraculously only grows thinner in the waist and hips when she is starving herself. But still has massive breasts which Cassian makes a point of oogling, despite noticing how thin she is everywhere else. Instead of taking Nesta's not wanting to eat anything and turning it into a plot point for her character in which she learns to take care of and eventually love her new Fae body, SJM decides to further starve Nesta, but Cassian limiting her sugar intake, so she reminds the same 000 size in the waist.

Now, onto what really, truly makes me angry within SJM's series. Character's gaining weight, rather than losing it.

This happens once in the series. It is one singular comment, that put me off Cassian forever.

"You need to get out in the practice ring, brother. Don't want your mate to find any soft bits."

This comment was from Cassian to Rhysand in the third chapter of ACOSF, after looking Rhys up and down pretty much.

May seem like a harmless jab to a lot of people, but take into account all of the context around it.

Cassian had just been eyeing Nesta's body-clearly suffering from the effects of long-term starvation, like a hunk of meat.

They had just won a war not long ago-still coming down from the stress highs that would have no doubt been enough to put any normal person in bed for a month.

Rhysand had only recently found out about Feyre's pregnancy, if I remember correctly-would have also found out about the risks, and would be dealing the extreme stress that would be causing.

It would be incredibly normal for Rhysand to gain weight because of all these factors. Not to mention this being the first (and I'm fairly certain) only time, SJM's mentions a male character gaining weight, and it being in such a negative light, could only suggest she, and thus Cassian, find the idea unappealing or perhaps downright abhorrent.

Which really fucking pisses me off.

Most of her female characters have experienced a form of anorexia throughout the books as a trauma or stress response. And it never exists to go further than making them more conventionally attractive.

Now further on her male characters, not a single one of them ever has an ounce of fat on their body. Weight gain is entirely out of the question, even when it should be the obvious occurrence due to whatever change in their situation.

Now this also brings me to another problem I have, which also leeches into fandom behaviour.

We all love Tamlin's tits, ofc, ofc, but muscle behaves like fat if its not being actively flexed. Tamlin's pectoral muscles are no doubt incredibly strong, and would, probably be able to crack a nut (no pun intended) if flexed. But if they werent, they would be soft and squishy. No one talks about THAT THOUGH DO YOU???

Not to mention, that, Tamlin is a beast creature, wandering the forests, not training or exercising properly, and is only gouging on the carcasses of animals he kills. This could be an excellent time to lean into weight gain, and the intense feelings of guilt, and body dysmorphia that it brings.

Lets also discuss Gwyn, a traumatised young woman who fled to the Library in order to live a life of peace. She has never trained a day in her life before becoming a Valkyrie, why is she so skinny?

It's never mentioned Gwyn having any kind of reaction to her trauma that affects her eating (as far as I remember) and I think it would be far more interesting to delve into the effects grief and the lose of a dear loved one has on the body and ones eating habits.

Lets talk about Elain, who is said to use baking a coping mechanism, why is she skinny? This is the perfect opportunity to delve into a character binge eating, then extreme guilt from the times where they were in poverty, and purging. But finding comfort in food because food = wealth, wealth =safety.

And in the end, a character can be fat and be happy. Why do we have so many characters that are so thin at the end of their books?

So many of these characters also have near no stability, their diet would not doubt be changing constantly from the inconsistency in their living situations. Which should to lead to drastic changes in their body. This could be a very interesting way to explore body dysphoria. Hating seeing yourself in the mirror even if you just survived battle, because you can hardly recognise yourself. Changing so much in the mind and not even having the comfort of your body being the same. Especially with Nesta and Elain being Made against their will. I honestly believe Nesta's starvation should have been her hating her new Fae body so much that she just wants to destroy it. Her healing, should have been learning to love herself, no matter what body she is in.

In the end, your body is you, but you are more than your body. Bodies are such incredibly fascinating tool, and people don't always have to like what it looks like to care for it. Bodies can be smaller, bigger, stronger, they take your brain wherever it wants to go. But they are not all of you. And that should have been what especially Nesta's journey could have been.

Anyway, this is incredibly sensitive topic for a lot of people, so I do really want to open this up to everyone. What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you think SJM's portrayal of eating disorders is justified, or do you think I'm wrong on any of these points? Let me know in either the comments or the reblogs, I would be happy to discuss it.

[tophats-tea]

NEW DGNG LOG LETS FUCKING GO 🔥🔥🔥

I always get so excited over these. There’s so much put into them I never get sick of it. The design’s an utter banger as usual. Her outfit’s so well-coordinated it feels nice just looking at it. One of the first characters to have dyed hair, which looks amazing on her. I love the curls. The whole character concept of a waitress on skates’s something I haven’t actually had the chance to see much of before, so that’s nice. There’s so much things packed here and a lot of new things being tried out in terms of formatting and easter eggs too.

Okay, starting off, checking out the usual stuff, she’s around the average age compared to the character so far, a bit shorter than Asaro technically because of skates, but nothing too much to look at. Like Chika, her weight is unknown, and her chest size just…isn’t there? I won’t think too hard about that, but given we have two characters with unknown weights now, we could draw some conclusions based on how these are measured. Maybe something like them specifically not wanting to talk about it (similar to Julien’s dislikes being unknown), or then genuinely not knowing (similar to half of Rosie’s info being unknown). Neither of these possibilities hold too much importance, so I’ll just move on. She likes roller skating (obviously) and rosie, which is the fourth time another character was mentioned in the likes/dislikes section (first/second being the yoko sisters with each other, and the third being chika with nishimura in the dislike section; interestingly enough, the same doesn’t apply for nishimura/naruko, nor julipoppi). This puts an emphasis even further towards her relationship(?) with Rosie, which’ll be fun to dissect, especially during the episodes themselves. Her dislike of arrogance and authority might place her in an interesting position against hiriro, but well have to see how that develops if at all. The highlighted iority is genuinely fascinating to me but I have no fucking idea what it means T-T. Iority itself isn’t a word, nor a name. It’s definitely not a cipher, and nothing turns up for Google translate. I’m starting to wonder if naruko just genuinely ran out of ink and I’ve overthinking everything but who in their right mind writes the letter H in that stroke order ‘-‘.

I wonder if it’s canon that each of the logs are written with a different colour, since that’d mean Naruko might’ve used the pink pen for something else. If it isn’t though, then yea. That’s that.

Going to the quote, it’s all a bit wavy, but relatively easy enough to read, and it confirms that Naruko really does just write down things she hears other people say or directly asks them for something interesting to write down as their quote. Could explain why Rosie doesn’t have a quote, since she very clearly felt bad for her and likely didn’t get to ask/felt comfortable writing anything she heard down. The “the slower I go, the faster my thoughts catch up” could be hinting towards some kind of guilt from the past or even just general nervousness about the killing game, and it’s right before she ends the quote and says bye to naruko, so that’s something to consider. Her shadow shows what I assume is likely a highway/road, with splatters of blood at the top and bottom, even going out of the border. A bloody handprint is right behind her head too. Considering every shadow so far was based on certain character themes or at the very least their talents, I doubt it means nothing. It’s probably part of some kind of backstory, and given all the text about Anton (I only noticed the top 2 lines a second go. I almost assumed AntonAntonAntonAntonAnton was the only text), it likely involves him. Thinking about the handprint specifically, you could draw multiple different conclusion. If it’s literal, it likely means someone or another got injured enough to bleed an entire hand full of blood, likely through a car accident. My first thought somehow was Mikazuki, considering her connection to Anton, but looking closer, her hands themselves are almost definitely working fine, just heavily accessorized, unlike her cheeks. The next, and probably most likely connection, is Kellen. Her right hand’s a fairly big part of her mystery for now, and low and behold, the bloody handprint’s of a right hand. The chances of Anton being important because he was a good person drops every log. Rosie remembers him specifically, with no other information beyond that. Mikazuki’s hidden quotes beg him not to leave her. And Leiko’s directly says he was no best friend, possibly realised after somehow breaking Kellen’s hand and running away with Leiko fast enough for neither of them to remember her face. Maybe. That could explain Kellen’s burns too, almost all of which are on her right side. Then again, if we take the bloody handprint metaphorically…I don’t know, Mikazuki’s quote was “Don’t leave me”. Maybe Leiko committed vehicular manslaughter, killed Rosie’s lover/family member/doctor/idk, and erased her memory out of guilt, so that explains her quote and why she’s so attached to Rosie and why each of her lines talking about Anton is in past tense. Who knows.

That aside, moving onto her actual log description, the first bits mostly filler. Her need to go fast, and her spatial awareness, and her balance/mobility, could make for a victim or blackened with an interesting timeframe for a murder, or a possible witness other blackeneds would be keen to keep an eye out for. If she’s the mastermind (which she’s genuinely a decent candidate for as of now), it makes for an interesting chapter 5/6 case provided someone gets framed. It’s interesting enough to take note of. Apparently Naruko‘s also seen a picture of her before the game. I mentioned how it could be a photo she carries with her or one Leiko found in her room, but now that I think about it, considering she’s an ultimate, it’s not too unlikely that Naruko’d see her on a newspaper or a social media post or somewhere else. The tense even seems to suggest so too. Moving down to Rosie, I’m starting to wonder about the exact cause of her amnesia. Obviously it could be something like blunt force trauma or dementia(?), but I’ve been having a slight theory going on where she only lost her memory upon joining the game. That’s a simple enough possibility to justify, given how every Danganronpa game, and subsequent fangans, keep their casts deprived of a few years or so of memories, and with Kyomi/Hajime/Rantaro, can even target specific memories to erase. What happened with Rosie could be a simple mistake, but at the same time an intentional choice, either because she had a real talent too difficult to manage in the killing game (she’s technically the usual ultimate ??? after all, just hidden from the fact because of nishimura’s gifted ultimate amnesiac title), she knew something about the killing game that’d be troublesome, or if her real personality with all her memories and possible trauma intact would cause trouble. It could just simply be done out of sadism too, if she’s something like an Ultimate Hope that the mastermind wants to see struggle and break. Whatever the case, the fact that Leiko seems to have known her from before the killing game, and what happened with Rosie’s considered a loss, it’s not a stretch to think her condition’s caused specifically by the people running the killing game. That aside, Naruko’s suggestion of Leiko mistaking Rosie for someone else does put the Rosie/Anton twin paralleling Nishimura/Naruko theory on the table, though it doesn’t make sense since 1.Opposite genders (Anton has confirmed pronouns now) 2.I don’t particularly think Leiko would still be fond of Anton, and 3.Mikazuki’d probably recognize him, or even someone who looks exactly like him but a girl. Anyway, their dynamic’ll be fun to watch develop.

I think that’s about it for now. Until the next log comes out. This ended up like two times the length of the JuliPoppi fanfic I wrote the other day what the hell. I’ll reread this later and find a hundred different grammar mistakes probably.

Log #11: Leiko Terakado, Ultimate Waitress

[nelithic]

nasturtium :   describe your muse’s relationship with their birthplace ,   or homeland .

▀▀ 　BOTANICAL HEADCANONS　₊　

despite what she would have you believe considering she betrayed sombron during the war a thousand years ago and turned her back on gradlon, ultimately nel is ambivalent, leaning lukewarm.

i consistently find it telling that ( as far as i'm aware; i definitely haven't seen all of her potential post-battle lines, etc. yet ) you never actually see nel speak poorly of sombron or of her experiences growing up in gradlon. as the player, you assume it must have been terrible because of the distress she shows during the flashback sequences in the fell xenologue and the fact that she escaped from it eventually. but nel herself never says that she had suffered there or that she's personally glad to have left it behind; the times she does mention gradlon or anything related to fell practice, she just tells it like it was and doesn't seek to either apologize for it or justify it.

looking at her diamant C in particular:

nel: you are no doubt aware that i am a child of the fell dragon sombron. despite our differences in heritage, you are also a child of royalty. we have this in common. i never understood my father. i thought perhaps you could share some experiences with yours.

right off the bat, nel relates herself to diamant as both being royal children, and the only difference in circumstance she sees is that she's a dragon and he's human. nothing about sombron being a known tyrant and force of evil; there's a notable lack of anything resembling "i know what sombron did is evil / i'm not trying to liken him and your father at all", anything to indicate a moral judgment or even personal desire to un-associate herself with sombron. if anything, she follows it with "i never understood my father", and is asking for diamant's insight in hopes that she might understand him better.

after diamant expresses surprise and says that things are done differently in brodia, she says:

nel: i see. unlike your father, lord sombron preferred to silence all dissent with execution. to object to his decree was out of the question. to survive, there was no choice but to obey.

nel is naturally pretty monotone in her delivery usually, but i think it's still worth noting that there's a lack of anger, frustration, or even particular sadness in her explanation of how things were done in fell!gradlon.

in the end, it's diamant who makes the value judgment:

diamant: i can't even imagine living under such a vile dictatorship. i'm so sorry.

to which all nel has to say, still without much emotion, is:

nel: there is no need to apologize. that is all in the past for me now. hearing your experiences has taught me a great deal. i hope we will speak again soon.

it's left unclear exactly what diamant's perspective has "taught" her in this exchange, though it can be argued, based on the trajectory of their supports later, that it's the beginning of nel understanding the importance of objective third-party observation and assessment on the nature of someone's character, particularly leadership in their specific case.

given that nel spent a war and some time with the fell!cast of engage in her own world after betraying her father, it's unlikely this is the first time she's heard value judgments on sombron's rule and gotten a sense of what other people feel about him and his leadership style outside of the gradlon bubble. i think we do see an objective acknowledgement of that difference in perspective in this scene, particularly in her final "that is all in the past for me now". there does appear to be a recognition that there were elements that could be considered cruel where she had come from. but between this support and the fact that she continues to never speak ill of gradlon or sombron throughout the rest of her in-game dialogue, it feels as though that way of seeing it is something she only became aware of through hearing what other people had to say about it, rather than coming from herself and how she felt about it.

i think her absence of value judgment is particularly apparent when considered alongside rafal, who actually does have lines ( i think it's one of his post-battle lines but i'm not remembering exactly where off the top of my head right now ) where he casts aspersions on sombron.

i could keep going, but it'd probably just be additional discussion around the same point, which ultimately is: nel has since recognized after the fact, after seeing more of the world and realizing how different it is outside of gradlon, that her homeland is a brutal, and even possibly terrible, place. however, i don't think she necessarily feels that way herself fully. for nel, who was surrounded by that consistent environment growing up and saw it as normal, she approaches it more with a " it just was what it was " kind of lens. she sees it as neither good nor bad, sometimes one or the other.

it's notable that, though she aligned herself with the divine dragon's goals eventually, the reason she originally left gradlon at all was because life there threatened the person she wanted to protect, not because she necessarily hated it there or wanted ( initially ) to bring down sombron.

[apollos-boyfriend]

this is like. all fully speculation. but i was rewatching some of jaiden’s nuzlocke videos, and them combined with a recent clip of hers i saw talking about how she’s not even sure why quackity chose her for the qsmp made me connect why he might’ve picked her. because like. i think nearly everyone was a bit shocked, if not confused, to see her on the lineup. despite having been in the scene for a while—her first public animations were for ihascupquake, after all—jaiden isn’t your first thought when you think of minecraft youtubers. as far as i’m aware, she was on one smp before the qsmp—epicsmp, and we all know how that ended.

no, jaiden isn’t who you’d think of when you think minecraft youtuber. but she is who you’d think of when you think storyteller. which, yeah, is kind of obvious. there’s a whole subcategory of youtube for animated storytellers, and jaiden’s been one of the front runners for years now. but the thing about jaiden specifically is that she doesn’t just tell stories. she shapes them. you can really see that the most with her animated nuzlockes. she’s given scenarios and events that are largely random and arbitrary, fully just game coding and out of her control, and she turns them into her story. her platinum nuzlocke specifically highlights this with the giratina, two jaidens storyline she creates to explain her resetting the run and attempting the elite four again.

live mcrp HEAVILY relies on having to go with the flow of the game, and learning to work around in-game mechanics and limitations to create a storyline out of. things that are story-important, like pets or npcs, are fragile and can be taken away at any moment, be it by a mob, glitch, or player error. you have to be able to think on your feet to not only work around it, but create a narrative to explain that decision fitting into the canon and story instead of just taking it at face-value. and that’s exactly what jaiden’s been doing for years now with a lot of her gaming-based content. quackity would need people accustomed versatile storytelling as much as he’d need people accustomed to survival minecraft itself, and jaiden is nothing short of an expert at her craft

[silverspleen]

STUPID SHIP MEME DRAWINGS.

I just think they should kiss maybe?

Obsessed (positive??) with the dynamic of guy who betrays his country so he can run off with the militia he's been working with because he gets a case of loyalty feelings so bad he goes and blows himself up X morally upstanding traumatic backstory woman having the worst fucking time of her life (again) who really just needs someone to be as fanatically loyal as possible to her, as a person who is really into the inherent eroticism of the hierarchical military power dynamic focus on loyalty and the use of "yes ma'am" as I love you.

Obsessed (negative) with the propaganda implications that we seem to have ignored of the fact that the three most important people in an arabic woman's life are 2 (two) white guys and her brother, who betrays her and becomes a villain in the later games, and the fucking insidious-ass narrative choice of placing one of said white guys in said militia as like, the tacit fact that this organization is ok only because the western white guys are cool with it. Stop introducing more ULF people just to kill them!!! I SEE YOU WRITERS!!! YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!!!!!!

because, once again, the character dynamic? I am sick for it. He dropped a building on himself for her and then came back???? He came back???? He could have gone anywhere but he came back to her???? I'm unwell. I think I have covid. I need to go lie down.

Anyway my city now my characters now smashing them together like barbies watching that .gif of them staring at each other eighty times reading all the fanfiction goodbye

you shouldn't blow yourself up in the furnace I want to blow myself up in the furnace for you as my own personal choice and you should order me to do it because you're such a good leader what is wrong with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh *gnaws on furniture*

WE DON'T EVEN GET TO SEE HIM COME BACK TO HER. THANK YOU FIC WRITERS YOU KNOW THAT REUNION MUST BE SO ANGST THE COMPLEX DYNAMIC OF SACRIFICING YOURSELF FOR SOMEONE AND MAKING IT OUT AND BACK TO THEM AGAIN!!!!!!! THE GUILT! THE YEARNING! THE LOYALTY! I AM GOING TO EXPLODE.

[swordmaid]

made a facial ref sheet for shri’iia, and also took this chance to refine her design a little bit. I made her face look a bit more closer to her face claim/face ref (90s shalom harlow esp her eye shape) but still kept it close to the in game face I use for her. the little notes are mostly for me hence why they’re small and not sure if it’s legible, and I’ll def add more to the notes after my pen charges lol

[kurithedweeb]

Mother called him zvanyalken, demonblood. She called him enkyaiken, Enki’s blood. She calls them livyahken, frostblood.

“You are Travis, son of Elsbeth,” Mother told him when he was young. “You are a son of Gal’ruk, and one day you will protect its people from the forces of the Warlock Valkrum as I have been, and you will be one of a long line of warriors.”

Travis ran his hand over his mother’s embroidery project. This one was a new quilt for his bed. His old one didn’t cover him completely anymore and blizzard season was coming. He liked the blizzard season. Mother didn’t go out imp hunting as often, so she didn’t get hurt as often. He liked watching her work, her stitches were so neat and straight.

“Was he always bad, Mother?”

She added another stitch to the arctic fox running across the hem. “I’ve never known him not to be, but there was a time before I knew him,” she said. “I thought he was a sweet man when we first met, but that wasn’t really him.”

Travis was zvanyalken. He was a shape-changer, a skin-shifter. He was born with horns, with fangs and claws. He spent most days squishing his insides into human-shapes. He spent most days trying to look like Mother for as long as he could.

He did not look like Mother that day. That day, he had horns and fangs and claws. The points of his teeth caught on his lip when he spoke, his nails tore through his mother’s beautiful stitches like a knife if he wasn’t careful, if he didn’t dull them down.

“Was he a different person in the skin you knew?” Travis asked.

“No, no. I don’t think he was a different person at all. He was only pretending to be someone else.”

Mother set down her needle and embroidery. She tipped his chin up and ran a hand over his hair. Over one of his horns.

“You’re not a different person when you shift skins either, Travis,” she said. “No matter what form you take, snowflake, you are still Travis, son of Elsbeth. You always will be.”

His lip bled when he smiled, caught on a fang. It was healed by the time he licked the blood away.

“Come sit with me, snowflake. I’ll teach you how to make a fox.”

She guided his hands through embroidering a smaller, much worse fox trailing after the first. The conversation drifted from his mind, and when he woke up one day soon after in the skin of an arctic fox, she brushed his coat until it shined and made him a nest in front of the hearth until he shifted back because he wasn’t big enough to reach his bed.

[fromtheseventhhell]

How it feels knowing I'll enjoy Arya's arc whether my theories are right or not because I'm a fan of what's written in the books, not what I projected onto her character