#for continuity's sake you know
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do we think sofia coppola's daughter is at summer camp right now
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you know what really pisses me off? so many people acting like he is the worst person out there and no one will miss him. A LOT of people are grieving now and missing him including people that these people supposedly follow and care about. liam was not the supervillain people wanted him to be. he was messed up and did messed up things likely because of what happened to him. this conversation deserves so much more nuance than people are giving it. and maybe it’s too early to have this conversation now but it’s helping me process and grieve so i’m really writing this for me. people are complex and doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person or someone worthy of death without being given the chance to make things right. and another thing, it is SO hypocritical to make fun of him and look down on him like he’s the ultimate Bad Guy meanwhile i bet every single person you have ever admired in the spotlight has likely also done bad things or at least things you wouldn’t be proud of. fame is an illness and it can cause people to harm others because they were hurt themselves. human beings are a culmination of everything that they’ve been through and everything they’ve done. he is not only the bad things he’s done and it’s okay and normal to grieve him as a whole person, because he was one.
#i’m glad most people are asleep right now so i could write this#i’m just so fed up with all the jokes on his behalf#people are IN PAIN. i’m sick to my stomach#liam wasn’t evil. he was messed up clearly otherwise he wouldn’t have been so intoxicated#man’s it drives me to insanity that these people who ‘stan’ an artist any artist could be so hypocritical right now#you don’t KNOW these people. they are famous and fame is an illness#it fucks up your brain and makes you do shitty things and act in ways people and yourself dont even recognize#EVERY celebrity has done something shitty in their lives and will continue to do so because that’s the price of admission#yes it was serious what he has done and that shouldn’t be swept under the rug but people are more than their worst moments#i feel so sick and dizzy over this. seeing all this shit about him everywhere is making me ill. i wish it would stop#i also feel for maya. this post isn’t to erase her trauma and experience at all. she has every right to speak her truth.#just have more compassion for people on all sides for christ’s sake#where is the humanity#grief#death tw#lp
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Totally innocent question but how old is everyone in TDSB and roughly how tall are they? (If you’ve answered this before I’m sorry)
Oohhh I had not awnsered this before actually!! So ill do a lil Height/Age range
Bruce- He is around late 40s, and standing strong at 6'3 Alfred- Immortal. (he's in his mid to late 60s) and is 6'1 Dick- Twenty five going on twenty six (still insists hes in his early 20s), and is a reasonable 5'9. Barbara- Never ask a lady her age!! (she's twenty nine), And is 5'11 Cass- Twenty (she doesn't know, but is around Jays and wanted to be older), She is 5'2 Jason- Nineteen going on Twenty, and just a hair taller than Alfred (canon timeline, he's taller than bruce- but not in dsb) Tim- Cursed to be seventeen (will he make it to 18 this time around??), Hes 5'5. Steph- Also seventeen, and she is 5'7 (insists she's just shy of Dick) Damien- He's thirteen, and is currently 4'11 (and mad about it) Duke- (included because big change) Fifteen, but he's already 5'11
Chart for comparison!!
#height chart#got the full line up#let me know if you want any other characters!!#Ages are finicky#plz dont check continuity#for my sake#but this is what i think sounds reasonable#batfamily#batfam headcanons#the drakes spoiled brat#trash tim au#sunny fic#ty for the ask#sunny asks
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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Kim what you doin if I give you a hamster.. will he die in a peculiar way or will you sell him for fast cash. This is Frank by the way
I would immediately hand him back to you. Like this.
Why are you people trying to dump your pets on me today? Did I miss a memo or something? Is it "Bring your Pets to Pine" day? Is there some optional quest I missed the bulletin for?
I mean, it's only two of you so far, but it's weird that it's happened twice.
... Wait. Three times. But the other time wasn't today, so I guess it doesn't count...
Also why the hell would I sell Frank?! Or let him die. I'm not super big on pets or anything, but I wouldn't just- let one die. That would be fucked up.
#(ooc: sorry for the delay... as you may have seen/may see after this. someone dropped off a gecko on kim. so i knew i wanted to answer them+#+around the same time if possible. also I almost expected her to receive another animal randomly- to which I told someone I might scrap +#+these and just draw a ''petting zoo'' in Kim's room w all her little guys)#((ooc: she likes frank btw. she's not gonna vocalize that but that's why she actually says his name agfkshsjfh))#pine.txt#cr4shqueen#asks#rp#kim pine#sp comic#spvtwtg#spto#spvtw#art#fanart#scott pilgrim fanart#hamster#you know what. honorary frank tag#frank#ooc: anyway yeah lines are a little blurry here. i would fix it but. hamster is the focus is what I'm telling myself to cope#not in standard continuity#(ooc: if the freckles are a different color from the last one please ignore it for the sake of my sanity. it looks off to me but i cant +#+ figure out what's up with it if it is)
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happy to report the agony is starting to fade a little !!
#praise God............hopefully it continues in this pattern#i havent lived very many years on this earth but ive wasted enough time weeping and agonizing over certain young men#if you dont want me then you're not the one etc etc. also good golly they DO make it clear when they don't want you#also i CAN do it with a broken heart until my heart isn't broken anymore! i know i can!#i DO know i'm strong enough to withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune#and i'm determined to for the sake of my own sanity and dignity and also the fact#that God created us to do more than writhe in anguish over clueless young men lol. so there. i think.#will it be a cruel summer? a sad girl summer? maybe. but dangit i fought hard to find joy in living#im not about to give all that up over one (1) tall curly haired boy with a smile like the sun and a heart the size of australia
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Today on Pop Culture Addressed By Ancient Theologians: Does Free Guy synthesize the tension between will and intellect as the vehicles of ultimate human bliss as seen in Thomistic medieval theology?
#I’m Tired so my thoughts are jumbled but if the Franciscans were like the will ie act of love is the ultimate experience of happiness and#Aquinas was like um actually to will something means something is unfulfilled ie wanting and that’s not perfect#but perfect knowledge can be perfect because people want it for itself therefore intellect gives us happiness in contemplating God#yeah#does free Guy resolve that tension in its world view by going#freedom to choose is only present where love is present as the lens by which we see the world?#wait idk but like#Jody and the parallel world of Guy attain happiness not only when they will for love’s sake but when they see love#like there has to be the willing and eternal/constant/continual humming yes! of the will and the intellectual Knowing/Seeing the Love#idk too big for me#whatever else this is teaching me I’m naturally inclined toward the Franciscans#pov#like I get what St Thomas is saying and he definitely is making points but I’m like nerd. where is the love#and it is there of course but he gets so caught up in the understanding cause he likes to understand! that IS how he loves!#but im like if you haven’t used the word love at least 99 times in your principle statement what even are you#sgjhdsgovc#anyway the answer is it’s both and you can’t split the hairs too fine#but only to understand how they fit together#love is willing (yes!) and seeing (also saying yes!)#so when Pieper was like love is saying it’s good that you exist#it’s the assent to (with the will) and the seeing of (with the intellect)#idk processing processing lots of thoughts
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Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you
Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.
That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”
Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.
JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.
#mine#Harry potter cw#yeah I don’t want to see or think about this shit either and I’m sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. let’s wipe it#from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and#influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it#but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore#I’ve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who#think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry#maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR#started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was#weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even#passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was#more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out#my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and you’re still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room#and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces#nobody fucking wants this. we did it. we’re done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that it’s not *that* fucking hard to care more#about real life trans people than about antisemitic children’s books.
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leftovers :')
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i can never decide whether to depict oru as a skinny scrangly wee kitty who can be easily scruffed by butch women#or you know he is carrying around his crafting equipment and kiln here and there. could be his future#think i'll continue to do whatever tf i want when i feel like it. might uhhhhhh stop for today though.#thank you for enjoying. <3#i'll try to find a pace of enjoying myself that is sustainable and take care of myself for the sake of the future just like mr qifrey.#you don't know when it'll end. it could end out of your control too. so you have to draw until you're satisfied. for ica
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hey! i was just going through your blog, and i saw a post about ice&carole and mav&goose. i looked a bit more but i couldn't find a post about your take on mav and goose's relationship, so i wanted to ask what it was. if you have answered this, i'm sorry about asking you again. imo i think what they had was wayy deeper than friendship but complex and probably not romantic, but again, i just wanted to know your thoughts on it.
thank you! and this blog has probably been one of the best finds i have ever come across on tumblr, i'll be sad to see you go.
yeah, i was really trying to be suave and subtle and mysterious about it with this parallel
like, you should be able to figure it out for yourself.
but luckily for you i looooove beating dead horses. to a problematic degree.
the full story of my vision of mavgoose (moose?) is in the completed draft of the extras that are coming out on Saturday. about halfway through. But i want to bring it back to the internal craft-of-writing debate i brought up yesterday—my inability to summarize, or to cut superfluous sections that don’t really matter.
I’ll stick it under the cut for spoiler reasons, but i wanna show the simple first draft of this scene versus the complicated, heavier final draft. And I want to ask any of you, if you’re interested—as a reader, which is more impactful? which should i end up publishing?
the simple first draft:
then i kept turning it in my head thinking of different ways to edit it to say something slightly different, to get a little more specific, coming up with things to add, and ended up adding like five extra paragraphs. which is this:
about 1/4 of the final draft (by which i mean, this is about 1/4 of the whole final discussion scene, but the goosemav-specific content only goes on for about another graf [omitted bc spoilers]):
(so to answer your ask explicitly, i actually don’t think they were anything deeper than good friends. imo there’s no evidence that they were anything deeper than good friends, especially with maverick blowing goose/goose’s wishes off soooo many times [‘she’s lost that lovin feelin;’ volleyball; refusing to do the responsible thing at least twice even after goose tells him it puts his & his family’s livelihoods at risk…bro all he does is blow off goose]. see me bitching in the tags for more on this)
obviously in my head the complicated in-depth version ⬆️ is the True version, the version of events that really Happened. i think the writing is in some spots much more compelling. But it just doesn’t make for a particularly good reading experience when it’s surrounded by like 3/4 pages of other discussion of history! sometimes too much of (what i think is) a good thing turns that good thing bad! & this is a major keystone dynamic of my whole series so i just want to get it right, for my own peace of mind. I guess im asking you to be the harsh editor i wish i had sometimes, if ur interested in doing so—this is genuinely a major major problem i have with my writing, i can’t ever just leave well enough alone 😭 please let me know if simpler is better/less is more in this case! do i publish the short vague “the reader fills in the blanks” version or the long boring “here’s EXACTLY how i see it” version?
#crowd sourcing beta readers. let me know.#also.#how many times do i have to say maverick is neither a good person nor a good friend#and the writers of TGM hugely whitewashed and dulled down the original sharpness and thoughtlessness of his character#for the sake of post-50s tom cruise mary-sueifying him#before it sticks?#if it helps you can write out a list of his actions in the original movie.#for instance: > blows off goose to be late to dinner with Charlie anyway#> follows her into the women’s restroom > continues a pattern of dangerous behavior even after#Goose his supposed best friend tells him multiple times it is threatening their jobs#the truck master scene… the locker room scene… the ‘can’t afford to blow this scene’#and then he does it a FOURTH TIME AND KILLS GOOSE HELLO!!!!!#so much for being a good friend like c’mon!!!#if he REALLY respected goose he would have SHOWN HIS RESPECT FOR GOOSE!!!#i am leaving this blog so out come the hot takes!#movies are also woobifying tom cruise lately! how’s that for a hot take#i genuinely felt insulted by TGM’s sexless passionless soft bokeh-light KIND OF half-sex with Penny. that was insulting.#what happened to the savage bitter kid in 1986 top gun? why is he so soft and toothless?#the only time we see him is in the ‘it’s not the plane it’s the pilot’ ‘EXACTLY’ exchange. THATS maverick.#sorry you know me. TGM is not my favorite. i am extremely cynical about it.#i love the IP but the writing choices in the 2nd movie wrt mav especially make me…. 😵💫😵💫#pete maverick mitchell#nick goose bradshaw#mavgoose#you can ignore me bitching but pls don’t ignore my begging for secondary opinions here
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Finally got back into a drawing mood and my apple pencil went ahead and died on me! Yippee? So it's traditional pencil on notecards time until that's fixed <3
For now I figured I should at least share some of my thoughts lately, if not for people that are interested then at least as a reminder I'm not dead on this blog yet!
So I've talked vaguely about the 4-way crossover that's somehow become a 5-way, but I really wanted to get a reference chart for the gang and give basic summaries and stuff about each of the characters involved. Unfortunately with digital no longer an option that's probably going to take a bit. For now I'm gonna talk about the local Phantom in the mix.
Danny Fenton in the crossover crew is the same as the one in my Clueless au (that's what I'm calling it for now until I have a better name for it) because it's easier for me to keep track of that way and also it's more interesting to me. This au is not quite an everybody knows au, but not quite canon-adjacent either. Everyone knows SOMETHING but not enough for the whole picture, often jumping to conclusions that are detrimental at best. Due to other circumstances as I've decided, it's also a ghost king au, which is the catalyst to him joining the crossover crew to skirt those responsibilities entirely.
What I have so far is that Sam and Tucker know due to being present for the portal accident, while Jazz finds out about Phantom in the same way she does in canon. Danny's mom is the most noteworthy discovery as she comes home just late enough to see Phantom transform without him noticing, thus coming to the conclusion that her son is missing and Phantom stole his place for unknown reasons. Other classmates find out through individual circumstances and keep silent out of worry, either believing they're seeing things that aren't real or believing that saying anything would inadvertently kill their classmate. Ghosts find out through their own means, but after the king Dark incident things get messy.
After defeating Pariah Dark in a 1 on 1 duel and stealing the crown, the title of king gets a little... muddled. He did not kill Pariah, only sealing him away for presumedly eternity, but he also quite literally stole the crown from him in a duel to the death. From that point on it seems the crown itself is drawn to Phantom, and the moment the rest of the ghost zone catches wind of Phantom as the king to be, Amity Park's peace is thoroughly out the window. By the time Danny's aware of what he's done it's far too late, as he wakes up one morning he finds the crown sitting right next to his bed as if placed as a warning, and that's the first he ever hears of this issue at all.
Anyway so I can draw small snippets of ideas on note cards (which is what I'm doing tonight apparently) but I can't get anything big and lengthy for a bit! I do have some ideas for different designs and ghosts to have show up, some new some old, but maybe that's for a different post
#I don't even know how to tag this tbh#was just kinda rambling again cuz I tend to do that#it's definitely talk about Danny Phantom so that's easy enough but also people might not care for the personal stuff at the beginning#Danny Phantom#dp#Get a clue DP au#yeah I can tag it like that right? Just for my own organization sake?#Also I don't know if it's obvious or not but the crossover version of this Danny is late enough in the tl that he's established king#and established enough that he hates the pressure and took a roadtrip to space to pretend to be normal for once#as normal as you can be with that crew anyway#obviously this Danny is different from the one in the other au fic and I need to continue that one still#but I've been stuck thinking about this clueless ghost king version and want to draw fun stuff with this guy
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What's "Think I Forgot" about?
Ah! That one is to be a short snippet of Gild in a reality where she instead turned from music competitions to gambling as a way to keep her family afloat.
It's basically her in the casino, another bet, another maybe not to fair win on her part and going through the motions after a life of... well not really having her own life. "think i forgot" is the title because i was originally gonna do a little puppet animation in toonboom to the lyrics "think i forgot, how to be happy. something i'm not, but something i could be. what was i made for?" from the billie eilish song lol.
there's a few different versions of Gild depending on the universe shes in, but her constant core is the self parentified child to the extreme, every action and choice motivated by making sure her two younger siblings and her parents are taken care of. leaving little room or thought for herself or own wants beyond that. And to Gild "what was i made for," she exists for that purpose, her siblings being able to live freely without the worry of money and not have to know life as she did when they were all little and she'll do anything to a near ruthless degree to ensure that. And she's accepted that to many, that means shes the bad guy.
that probably goes way beyond what you asked, but i can't help going on and on about Gild when it comes up 💀
#idk if you remember#but forever ago gild “helped” lee out and lee said she was a good person or something and she give them a look lee rolled too low on?#it was doubt and almost pain at it#she's got this (bad) idea that everyone at their core is a good or bad person regardless of immediate actions#like if talise or harp had done something bad you could still count on them to be good people maybe they just did the wrong thing#or had their own reasons#but had decided for herself because of what she'd done in her past for the sake of her family and knowing she would have to continue#to plan and live her life around supporting them even to the detriment of others#that she was a bad person at her core cause even she knows doing things for the good of those she loves#even at the detriment of others (often intentionally so) is still ya know harmful and not good#but thats the price she'll pay#so by being nice lee inflicted psychic damage with a compliment lol#im sorry this is way longer then is should be 💀💀💀💀💀
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the autistic urge to correct people online
*the gif of the guy vanishing into dust*
#gil talks#venting#is worse when is a post correcting someone else and they right but still wrong#glad to see that in the replies and reblogs they got eaten alive already#even they disabled the replies#not so hoity toity now huh#there are MANY ways you can correct someone but do it for the sake of information and impartiality#don't come forward with 'im just correcting and i mean no harm :)'#and right after slam OP to the ground and imply that OP is a stupid little snowflake who doesn't know how to read#i really really hope this person continues to get more people like them in the notes and realize their mistake
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day 2 of being 21 years old: got so pissed off by ryan mccartans objectively wrong opinions on heather the musicals west end production i literally started crying
#checked out his yt channel out of curiosity and my god his youtube persona annoys me so fucking much. god bless#like first of all he got the fucking song changes wrong. like for fucks sake you know youre gonna talk abt heathers west end in a video#youre not being spontaneously asked on the street abt it YOU CAN PREPARE!! looking up the fucking songs is the least u can do!!!#and also he was clearly pissy that he didnt like get invited on the premiere or whatever#he was like oh i wish there was this continuity and that they got us involved in this#just say yr acting like a pissbaby cause you didnt get a special invitation for a special boy and go !#sorry i just find him extremely annoying overall. i went into the video hoping to hear some cool insights abt the show#from someone who worked on it. but hes just so fucking annoying also west end is CLEARLY BETTER so FUCK YOU!!!#youre just upset cause youll never be jamie muscato arent you.#dearest apologies for doing 2014 tumblr simulator on yr dashes i just feel very strongly abt this.#thots
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well my fears have come to fruition. my therapist has told me to get assessed for autism
#on one hand. oh my gd thank you for recognizing i am struggling#for reasons toher than like. sucking#to talk frankly about being autistic is so great#however. ermmmmmm#i am not super hyped about like... making that an official process attached to my medical records#especially because like#admittedly i think i am like. low functioning to borrow terminology i wouldn't otherwise use#<- saying this for clarity's sake and because j don't know how else go talk about it#but with time i have realized i am kind of not capable of living or functioning alone#and that's something that's kind of come up in these sessions#and he can't diagnose that hence why he's having me talk to my psych about it#but the idea of explaining this in an assessmenr#i just worry about being opened up to like. psychiatric abuse#and if's sort of fucking heinous that i should have to worry at the same time as being like...#i don't want to have to juggle relief at the isea of accommodations and frustration at a loss of agency#but it feels inevitable#idk#ultimatey i guess for me i am so fucking burnt out and have so much trouble with wmotional regulation & basic cognition that like..#i don't think i can like. continue and do something i want if it's still Like This#but the way like... people in positions of authority particularly in terms of health begin to trwat you#so deeply infantilizing#i don't know.#also ugh do you know how stupid it is to be like this.#<- OBLIGATORY INTERNALIZED ABLEISM/WHINING ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES DISCLAIMER BEING AUTISTIC IS AWESOME AND MAKES YOU COOL AND FUNNY AND HOT#🥲#call me!
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I am. Incredibly stressed. For incredibly unimportant reasons.
#It causes me distress to know my OCs “do not exist in canon”#I’m sorry I’m emotionally attached and have spent hundreds of hours constructing characters to fill a slot the author is likely to-#Toss random half baked characters who only exist to keep the stories semi- continuous#I have outsourced this part of CC’ work. To me. It’s my work. My charcater slot.#I mean this in a very loving way- it’s not like she really cares#CC I love your work but you’re affinity for disregarding side characters for the sake of characters you prefer is killing me#Also I just love them#They are so silly#so fun#so full of life#So many sibling connections#Cc just let me write it please I love them all so much I will pour my delulu soul into it#Ps I am fully aware of my ridiculousness#It is in my nature#I’m watered by an ocean of delulu
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