#for context: some meds make you have vivid and often dreams

[cynicjovial]

something embarrassing that happens a lot with my meds and youtube watching habits

[thudworm]

I swear to fuck, if the fertility clinic messes up my prescription for another month I'll lose my goddamn shit.

context under the cut just so I can get it off my chest

I have been trying, and failing, to get pregnant since 2017.

In 2018 I asked the doctor to send me for tests for PCOS, because in addition to the not getting pregnant I had a bunch of other symptoms that indicated something wasn't right with my reproductive system. He was reluctant, said he doubted I had it but would do the referal if I really wanted it. Results said I apparently didn't, but he gave zero shits about investigating things further. Told me to try losing weight about it and to come back in a year if I still wasn't pregnant, because only *then* would he consider doing his damn job.

I didn't go back in 2019, because it was the end-of-year busy season at my supermarket job, and I figured it would be easier to schedule appointments around my roster when things calmed down in the new year.

AKA 2020.

Obviously that derailed plans majorly, and even after things went back to """"normal"""" I put off going back because medical misogyny was just something I was not capable of dealing with at that point. Until the horrendous PMS symptoms overrode everything else *and* a specialist women's clinic was available, so I could hope to be taken seriously. And I was- that doctor was great about actually listening to me. Lo and behold, I do have PCOS!

The fertility meds I've been on have been, quite frankly, miraculous in terms of managing the PMS symptoms, even though they haven't achieved their goal of getting me pregnant. Except they can't do that when I can't take them because of clinic fuckery.

Last cycle, without meds, I had a solid month of PMS. And when it comes to PMS symptoms, you name it I get it. Digestive disturbance more severe than some bouts of gastro (norovirus).Bloating, cramps, joint pain, back pain, breast tenderness, headaches/migraines. Mood swings. Vivid, often disturbing, dreams. Food cravings that are stronger than the lack of appetite my other meds cause, which is really saying something.

This cycle, still without meds, I had menstrual bleeding that lasted 16 days. I'm not interested in finding out what the next fun surprise my body will throw at me if I don't get the meds again. Probably an ovarian cyst, because I suspect I've had one previously that was never diagnosed, and it seems like it might be making a comeback.