#for context i learned this bc i sent someone an ask apologizing & saying i was unfollowing bc they had mdni in their desc and they insta

[shieldsurf]

You're telling me this whole time mdni meant MINORS and not MEN???

there are so many cool blogs i've since forgotten that i didn't follow/unfollowed after following for a while because their description said mdni and i was like damn.... i'm a man.... sad ant with bindle . png

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

[wyldblunt]

I am always willing to help other people with things (I swore I'd never do World Summit challenge mode ever again after I cleared mine solo for achievements, but I felt bad for someone who needed it because I have Been There)

So if you want some company and just vibe, I am here! ^w^

~🌸 (Chrysallus) (Apologies for sending this via anon, I am a coward ^^; but I will reveal myself if that interests you)

thank u! honestly i am Also A Coward so it takes me a while to work up the nerve to accept ppls offers to run content w me lmao (i’m even like this with people i know well!!!) — idk what it is but i get really self conscious about playing with people even tho that’s. Literally What An MMO Is lmfaoooooo. i DO really want to run twilight arbor w my wife at some point tho so she can at least see the story so someday i’d love to get a group together! and ppl met thru tumblr is def less scary to me than LFG lol

and i actually was gonna say on the ask u sent abt lorelei (i just wanted to answer that one w some art so i hadn’t gotten to it yet) — pls feel free to lmk if u have a gw blog or a toyhouse account or something like that bc i’d love to learn about your ocs too! to be totally honest i’m very very slow to make friends online and only use tumblr for this and my art blog, so i prob will not be super chatty outside of gw contexts, but i like to connect over shared interests like this :) but it’s 100% up to you, you could stay as 🌸/Chrysallus if that’s more comfortable for you and there’s no need to apologize!

[gallickingun]

bnhabookclub’s rules were plagiarized.

when creating the archive/club blog and server, i was looking at other fandom archive blogs, event blogs, fandom servers, writing servers, and the like, and they all seemed to have similar rules. that doesn’t make what i did right. 

I PLAGIARIZED THE SOUTHSIDEARCHIVE’S RULES WHEN CREATING THE BNHABOOKCLUB. 

my intent was not malicious. regardless of how i felt about alisha/rivendell101 (even though i had never once sent her anonymous hate, made vague posts about her, or was nasty to her in the ssa server or in bnhabc, and never directly had any drama/issues with her), there was no mean intent behind this. i know there’s nothing i can say at this point to make anyone believe that, but i know it’s the truth. and that’s enough for me. i created the bc with the intent to bring writers and content creators together to grow and support one another. that’s it. i didn’t do it out of the nasty hatred of my heart to see anyone else not succeed. i didn’t do it to try and put anyone on top of anyone else, or to push anyone else to the bottom. i just wanted people to be able to work together to have a good time and to improve and get inspired. 

regardless of intent, the end result is still the same. the rules on both the server and the blog were plagiarized from the ssa. 

i apologize for my prior actions and silence. originally, in alisha’s post, she told me she did not want my apology, so i incorrectly assumed that meant there was no need to address the situation because she deliberately stated that there was no need for a response. regardless, i should have done the right thing and owned up to everything from the start. i apologize for that. 

i also want to apologize for the post where someone asked where bookclub came from/originated. i reached out to a mod in another bnha server and asked if we could have more things like the writer bot for sprinting to help create community and hype over each other’s stories. they denied that request because they didn’t want the environment to become to competitive. after that, i started working towards creating an intricate server with a points and rewards system, a fic archive to support other writers (because i had seen all of the upset regarding silent readers lately - originally there was only going to be the discord server alone), bots that were coded by a computer/software engineer (and that we paid to host), etc. i was in several servers at the time, and they all ran very similarly, so i incorrectly believed that there was no need to credit for things such as rules because other servers/blogs were all using the same type of guideline for what they deemed necessary to create a list of rules. i know better now. 

again, regardless of intent or ignorance, i should have reached out and requested permission to format the rules like the ssa’s. 

the fact that people are using my private messages, sent in the heat of the moment when i was upset, and also out of context, is frankly frustrating. i’ve admitted several times that the person i was around march-june is someone who i loathe. i was petty, i was rude, i was flippant, and i was not myself. i’m not going to blame my mental health, i’m taking ownership of my actions during that time. but that does not mean that is who i am now, months later, after a lot of self reflection, therapy, and intervention from very dear friends of mine. as i stated before, i appreciate being given the ability to grow and learn from these experiences and friendships i’ve had for the past few months.

regarding delaying letting alisha into the bookclub, we weren’t going to let new members in until june 1st. as per her post, she was let in around may 23-25, with everyone else. i would never delay bringing in a new member purely off of personal bias alone. and i’m sorry for the fact that those ss made it seem that way. and regarding her being blocked on tumblr, that was after a (ex)friend of mine warned me that alisha might be the person sending me anonymous hate and i just felt uncomfortable having her on my dash with access to my blog. i do not have her blocked on discord, either. there was nothing personal about it. and the allegations that i’m gatekeeping the bnha/hq fandom are frankly ridiculous. even the person in those ss that i ranted to liked/reblogged/commented/recommended alisha’s fics. alisha has a higher follower count than me, her fics get more notes. depending on how you measure success, you could say that she’s literally a more successful blogger/writer than me, based on notes and engagement alone. nothing i did ever kept anyone from reading her fics and interacting with them. i can also recognize her talent. she deserves those notes, she’s a wonderful writer. i legit have had conversations and ss where i’ve stated this, if she would like the proof. 

there is no “NDA” needed to be signed prior to getting into the server, either. i made that announcement because people were upset that these hate blogs are using their messages they send in a private server as ammunition with disregard to how it might make them feel, and also without their consent. it’s not fair or right to use ss of things people say in the privacy of a server to further your agenda. i recognize that i did this in order to address the anonymous hate being sent to me a few weeks ago, which i only did in response to people requesting the “full story”, but i have since deleted the post. if people want to talk about the way they feel to the public, then that’s fine, but discord servers are private places for people to explore their thoughts, desires, and ideas. and i believe they should be kept private. and frankly, the person who is sending these screenshots can just... not let the door hit them on the way out. you’re not welcome if you’re going to lurk, take ss, and not address your issues directly.

i’m going to pin this post, because i do still have my queue running as i’m on semi-hiatus outside of prior obligations such as collabs and matchups, and it will get buried eventually. and this needs to be seen and heard and addressed. i’m not going to answer anonymous hate, i don’t condone anonymous hate being sent, and frankly, if these exposing blogs want to rip apart this post then they’re more than welcome. i feel genuinely horrible for everyone i’ve hurt in the process of all of this, intentionally or unintentionally. i know what it’s like battling mental illness, and i sincerely hope that no one has been triggered or incapable of managing their anxiety throughout this process.

as stated prior, the bookclub is undergoing a full makeover, estimated to be completed by 9/30. this was already started behind the scenes, since we’ve made so many changes to channels, rules, content, roles, etc.. there is going to be nothing remaining from the prior servers without their explicit consent. i really appreciate the time to grow and learn and adjust what’s necessary in order to get everything on the right track.

[alias-b]

OKAY. So, I wasn’t gonna dignify this with an answer, but I’m feeling super good and starting my vacation and have few things to lose tbh. I blocked you, but you’ll find a way back if you feel this is really worth it.

You certainly found it worth it enough to slap that anon button to insult me and dress it up as idk ?? being helpful & even kind in your mind?? If you followed my fics, you know the nasty msgs I get monthly so why would I take a personal jab as from a good place? Why would anyone mean to act “holier than thou” ???? Telling me you’re not coming from a bad place....yet you still went anon bc you knew how this read. Hm. Anyways....to answer, I’ll just unpack this neatly:::

1) ???? When did I say ANY of that even in a talk down/negative context??? lmao I even searched my asks trying to find myself being this rude. Slide into my DMs and let me know bc from my POV, you’re blatantly misreading something or making it up?? I’m confused and of course, I’d never want to come across any kind of way like that! If I ever mention young ppl, I mean actual teenagers in fandom spaces that adults get nasty interacting with. Ppl in their 20s/30s+ really need to be mindful about interacting with ppl under 18 and attacking them or being creepy and inappropriate with them/their content. Don’t twist my words.

Ppl who write thin OCs still get hate on their fics lmao, I did. But they don’t get constant hate generally based on their size or race. ((Also like...we’re all aware of fatphobia & racism in fandom and what types of OCs/characters are targets for that...esp if they’re being paired with favs... Writers of color are absolutely also allowed their frustrations with racism in fandom spaces btw too. Do not talk over them. Just listen and be aware. Do your best.))

2) I absolutely DO NOT think I’m better or “more moral/braver” than any other writer on here wtf, I consider myself even “still young” and learning... I’m in my 20s, I’m not a fandom gma trying to police anyone??? As long as you’re living your best life, surrounded by the best content YOU want, go tf off, sis!!! We’re all in a pandemic here trying to get by.

Writing is always a growing process and we’re doing it for free, it’s not perfect and always is a skill that gets better as we do it. I try not to compare myself to others, my fics are mine and that’s IT. I’m allowed to be proud of what I’ve created and I encourage all writers to do the same. A lot of writers are happy and patting themselves on the back for what they created but I’m NOT taking digs or doing it cause I think I’m some brave crusader on a mission. I’m too tired for that bull. I don’t get/want cool points for anything. Have you sent these concerns to any one else for doing the same??? Or are you irked I’m trying to uplift MY fat character?? That I get constant hate for??? More reflection for you.

3) I’ve been incredibly supportive of OCs of all shapes and sizes. I’ve gotten asks shading thin/white “model” ocs and only ever preached patience and support to all oc writers bc it’s never right to bring someone down to lift someone else up. It’s never right to shame a writer not hurting anyone. All OCs are good OCs. That’s the point I always make!! Writing is hard. Finding face claims is hard. Making whole ass humans for a fictional world is hard. So, I’m constantly posting/replying to be open and understanding with writers, whatever they do. It’s their fic. Their characters. Their choices. All OCs are valid.

No one is obligated to make a specific type of OC, just make the OCs you want to see. I don’t think it’s right to hate or shade ANY writer/OC and I make it clear in asks that try to suggest otherwise. Maybe go reread them before slapping that brave anon button again to come from ‘a good place.’

4) Evie is ONE of FIVE OCs I’ve written on this account. And the only plus size OC of them too so IDK why I’d ever act ‘holier than thou’ about a SINGLE OC when the numbers are 1 of 5 here... I’m not gifting the fandom the gift of me, I’m just writing content I enjoy. I’m gifting it to my damn self. There’s no crusade. There’s no BIG STATEMENT UWU. She’s not some political piece, y’all can be so dehumanizing with that toward fat characters or characters of color. Just let them exist proudly. If you don’t like it maybe they’re really not for you!

Evie’s literally just a character I created that I adore. Fat characters exist and they can be whatever we writers want. If people feel represented by her, I think that’s amazing and I so so appreciate when I’m told. It’s a special thing to see yourself represented when you never do in fandom or mainstream spaces!! She represents parts of me too that I’m still learning to love. But if not, I’m sure she’s still relatable. She has a whole personality beyond being a plus size girl bc being fat is not her defining trait. We absolutely should encourage more positive diversity in fandom, esp in main characters. Everyone of all sizes writing about what they look like is awesome! We agree on that point!

5) Evie is one of five ocs. Again. I’ve gotten hate messages and passive aggressive comments for all three of my big fics. Evie has ONLY EVER gotten hate for her size and race. She’s gotten a LOT.  ((sometimes her eating disorder, but that’s another issue)) And yeah, it doesn’t shock me. It’s too transparent. People who relate to her don’t deserve that shame either.

I hadn’t even started posting the actual fic before I got my first hate msg about her being an “oc reach bc billy hates fat chicks” whatever. So I think I’m allowed to defend and stan her that much harder and her role in this fic. I think I’m allowed to gush about how much I love her story against all the disgusting hate she gets. I’m not apologizing for that. Me loving Evie super hard has nothing to do with anyone else’s OC. It’s not a mission. It’s not a dig. She’s mine.

**So no, anon, I don’t think I’m doing any big, in your face, public service with my ONE plus size oc. I don’t think I’m better. I think I’m just creating content for myself to enjoy. If others enjoy it too, awesome!! If not, they’ll find something else to enjoy. It’s a big space with lots of amazing writers, I can even direct you to a few!!! I’m happy to do that!! ****If I really had an issue with white or skinny ocs....I wouldn’t be writing them myself which I DO. I wouldn’t be supporting my fellow writers who also write them!!

So you’ll excuse me if I don’t believe that you actually support Evie or me or my fics. All this message served to do was dwindle an author’s excitement for her OC and accomplishments. And you didn’t do that. I’ll try even harder to support fellow writers around me tho!! ^_^

If this is a big misunderstanding bc you misreading asks that I’ve gotten or you misread my tone or remarks anywhere, that’s really not my issue either. IDK, maybe I’m popping off too much too, but this accusation is truly mean-spirited. I know things don’t always translate over the internet well, but I’ve been openly loving and supportive to fellow friends and authors despite anything that’s been said. Even through laundry lists of passive aggressive and hateful messages about my stories since my first fic took off. I’ve seen friends get hate too and I can’t stand that they have to deal with that. They SHOULD be proud of their works always.

I know I don’t deserve them and I know I don’t deserve this either. I know who I am at the end of the day and I know what I put into the world and I know that my fics are mine first. I know my truth and I hope you know yours behind that anon button.

So, thank you for your concerns but please drop them somewhere else and have a wonderful day enjoying the free content we put out. Support your favorite writers and encourage all writers to keep doing what they love and getting better at it! Thanks!!! xoxo :)))

[emybain]

Danna and Celeste fluff, please

these two are literally adorable. I wanted to write more, as usual, but then decided to keep it short and sweet. in all honesty I didn't think people would care much about danna having a wife in that Christmas fic I posted forever ago, but I was wrong lol. I personally love celeste, and I really want marissa to at least hint at Danna getting a girlfriend in the third book bc after everything’s she’s been through, sis deserves one. also, side note, i apologize for my french bc 1) im a little rusty bc i havent taken a class in a while and 2) i tried to give context for when it was being spoken. anyways, hope you enjoy! it’s been fun writing this!

Also, as a note to everyone, if you like this fic PLEASE reblog! likes are nice, but reblogging really helps the work spread! always reblog other people's art/music/writing/etc!!!

summary: Danna is 19 and traveling across the world, learning about different cultures and customs. currently, she is in Lyon, France. her next destination is Paris, where she plans on seeing all the major monuments and artworks. however, a run in (literally) with a stranger may push back her trip to Paris a few days, or maybe even longer...

   It was a rainy day in Lyon. Most days were rainy in Lyon.

    Danna sighed. When she had first come to Lyon a few days ago, she was excited to see that it was raining. Other parts of France that she had visited so far were sunny, which was nice, but she loved rain.

    But it had been raining for three days now, and according to locals, that was normal for October.

    Danna pulled her sweater closer to her body, getting a sudden chill. In front of her sat her keyboard and tablet. On the tablet sat an open document with detailed notes and comments. For over a year now, she had been travelling the world, visiting country after country and learning new cultures. She wanted to write a book about becoming an active member in the community and giving a voice to people who didn’t have one. But Danna had a problem: she had no idea how to write a book, or even where to start. No number of how-to-write-for-beginners books had come in handy.

    She sipped at her black coffee and tapped her stylus against the table she was sitting at. She was at a coffee shop near her hotel, Le Café, if she remembered correctly. She had been holed up in her hotel room all morning and afternoon, having visited most of the city in the first two days, and finally decided to leave in search of inspiration.

    So far she had nothing.

    Danna set down her stylus and rubbed her eyes. A notification showed up on the top of her tablet. She clicked on it, not even checking to see what it was for. Her messenger app opened, revealing her chat with Ruby. Danna tried to keep in touch with her friends in Gatlon, but the time differences made things hard. While it was currently just after five in the afternoon in Lyon, France, it was only eleven in the mid morning in Gatlon. It wasn’t as bad as when Danna was in Beijing, though. When she was eating lunch, it was still the previous day in Gatlon. Just to give an example.

    She looked at the photo Ruby had sent her. It was of a passed out Oscar on the couch of their apartment. Danna snorted. On closer examination, she saw a plate laying in his lap that was scraped clean. Their cat, Craig, was sprawled out across his chest.

        thinking of you! how’s france? also, is it okay if we video chat later? everyone’s coming over for game night and we want you to join in!

    Danna mulled over the question. If she chose to play with them, it would be well after midnight. It wouldn’t be the first time Danna had joined in on their game nights, a tradition she had once been a part of before leaving Gatlon.

            France is great! I miss you guys so much...thinking about a quick trip home. And that depends...what’s the chosen game?

    Ruby responded immediately. 

    ooh yes PLEASE come home!!! craig misses you the most! and the game is your choice!

        Danna chuckled. Craig was a good cat.

        Will your fiancé be okay with me choosing? 

    Oscar was the usual game-chooser for game nights, as he knew some good games. He took it personally when someone else wanted to choose. It had since become a running joke in their friend group.

A large group of girls walked into the shop, chattering and laughing loudly. Danna took one glance at them and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. They were around her age, university students. She was sure they were nice people, but did they have to be so loud? In a coffee shop? Hopefully, they were getting drinks to-go.

        he will be if i say he will be.

    Danna laughed into her coffee cup, snickering silently. Ruby and Oscar had gotten engaged a few months ago. No one was really surprised; they weren’t even twenty yet, but they were the definition of soulmates, perfect for one another. She sent Ruby a laughing image and closed their conversation.

    She sighed again, grateful for the distraction. For a few minutes, she just sat there, staring out the window beside her table. People and cars went by. It would be dark pretty soon. The aroma of pastries surrounded her, and her mouth watered. She checked the time, and decided she deserved a quick snack before heading out for dinner.

    Grabbing her wallet and turning off her tablet, Danna stood from her table. Only to stumble back and clumsily fall onto her seat as she was immediately drenched in something wet. And cold. Very. Cold.

    “Zut alors!” a voice gasped. Danna sat paralyzed, staring down at the iced coffee that was now all over her shirt she had bought in Vienna. “Je suis désolé! Je ne savais pas que vous-”

    “Ne vous inquiétez pas à ce sujet.” Danna winced at her accent. She had learned some French when she was younger, but it wasn’t her strongest language. Thankfully, she could at least understand that the person was apologizing, and she knew enough to be able to tell them it was fine. “J’ai besoin de serv...” Her words died in her mouth as she looked up at the girl who spilled her ice coffee on her. It was one of the girls from the loud group of college students. She looked just as shocked as Danna was.

    They blinked at one another, and the girl offered a shaky smile. “Serviettes?” she said softly, and Danna nodded numbly, unable to tell if it was from the cold or something else. The girl left and returned shortly with a handful of napkins.

    “Merci.” Danna took a few of the napkins and began wiping at her shirt, but to no avail. Hopefully, it would come out in the laundry. The girl busied herself with cleaning up her drink on the floor, blushing furiously. Danna opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by one of the girl’s friends, who hollered at her from across the shop.

    “Celeste! Allons-y!” The other girl waved for her friend, Celeste, to go. She and the rest of their group were at the door, waiting for Celeste to join them.

    The girl grumbled underneath her breath, too soft for Danna to understand it. “Attends, Annette! Une minute!”

    Danna grasped for something to say. After stumbling over a few words, she managed to tell the girl she could go, that Danna could clean the rest. But the girl just smiled and shook her head. Then, she turned her head to the rest of her party of friends and told them to go without her. She would catch up later.

    “Est-ce que vous êtes Français?” she asked after her friends left, dropping wet napkins into her spilled cup. Danna shook her head and told her that no, that she was from Gatlon, headquarters for Renegades, and that she spoke English. The girl gasped and looked up at Danna, eyes wide. Danna’s heart lurched. She asked if Danna was a Renegade, and when Danna didn’t answer, she giggled.

    “I am joking,” she said with a thick accent, smiling. “That’s not my business.”

    “You can speak English?” Danna blinked, surprised. The only English speakers she had come across in France were mainly tourists and shopkeepers who wanted to be able to communicate with their customers.

    “Yes. My maman is from Edinburgh, but my papa is from here.” She stood, finished with cleaning her spill. She grabbed Danna’s used napkins and put them in her cup. “I’ll be right back.” She went to a trash can near the order counter, then returned.

    “Um...thank you.” Danna swallowed. “I’m Danna, by the way. Danna Bell.” She held out an awkward hand, not really sure why she was introducing herself to a stranger who was going to leave soon anyways.

    The girl smiled brightly and accepted her handshake. “Celeste de la Fontaine. It’s a pleasure spilling coffee on you, Danna.”  

    “Iced coffee, too.” Danna managed to smile in return. “It’s October and freezing outside. Why did you order an iced coffee?”

    Celeste giggled, and Danna’s cheeks grew warm. “I don’t like hot coffee. It’s better iced.”

    Danna raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you’re one of those people?” she teased. Immediately, she was surprised how easy it came out. She was usually very stiff around strangers.

    “You could say I’m rare,” Celeste retorted. She gestured to the seat across from Danna. “May I sit?”

    Danna nodded.

    “Your friend sounds like a likeable guy,” Celeste said, unable to contain her laughter as she took a bite of her pastry. “But also very stupid.” Danna had just finished telling Celeste a story about how Oscar had pranked Adrian’s dads and the rest of the Council and gotten away with it. The only people who were truly mad about the main lobby floor being covered from wall to wall in balloons were Thunderbird and Tsunami. Adrian’s dads and Blacklight were highly amused, probably because they knew who was behind the prank, and knew that his accomplice was Adrian, who helped by drawing the balloons. It was a better idea than the one Oscar had originally planned, which involved covering all the walls in papers stating a required inspection of all male Renegades concerning...something Danna would rather not repeat. But then Danna, Nova, and Ruby heard of his plans, and they all took turns in lecturing him on the stupidity of his prank, and how he could potentially offend or scar someone.

    Danna snorted. “Yeah. Oscar’s a special one. He annoys me seventy-five percent of the time, but I tolerate him the rest of the time.”

    They had been sitting in the coffee shop for over an hour, chatting and laughing. Danna had smiled more in an hour than she had in a year. There was something about Celeste that made Danna be so drawn to her. She was intelligent, kind, and was an activist like Danna, although she only had enough time to spread activist information via social media. She was also pretty, with brown eyes and dark hair and olive toned skin. But there was something else that made Danna’s heart flutter.

    One of the workers approached their table and kindly told them that the shop would be closing soon. Danna and Celeste collected their things and threw out their trash. When they stepped outside, now night, they were met with a blast of cold air. Celeste grinned and pulled her jacket tighter around her frame.

    “I love the cold.” She breathed in deeply. “Gives me an excuse to wear big sweaters.”

    They strolled down the sidewalk, neither in a huge hurry. Danna shifted her bag on her back and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “I meant to ask you earlier, but what happened to all of your friends?”

    Celeste shook her head, nose scrunched up. “They were going off to some movie that I wasn’t really interested in. Some predictable romantic comedy.”

    “So, you just used me to get out of it?” Danna bit her lip, glancing at Celeste, who shot her a full smile, white teeth showing.

    “Perhaps.” Maybe it was Danna’s imagination, but she thought she saw Celeste drift closer to her. “Or perhaps I just wanted to stay and talk to you.”

    They stopped on a street corner. Danna turned to face Celeste, both of their faces illuminated by the street lamp above them. Celeste’s cheeks were rosy, her eyes bright.

    “How long are you in Lyon?” Celeste asked, voice dropping just slightly. Danna knew for a fact that she shifted closer this time. She took note how much shorter Celeste was than her.

    Danna toed her boot against the pavement. “I was planning on leaving tomorrow, but I told myself I would stay a little longer if I found something really interesting.”

    Celeste nodded slowly. “And?”

    Looking down at the ground, then back up at Celeste, suddenly feeling a wave of embarrassment overtake her, Danna said. “I think I can stay for a few more days.”

    They exchanged numbers and social medias, Danna promising that they could meet up again before she moved on to Paris.

    But something deep inside of Danna told her that she wouldn’t make it to Paris for a while.

[myheartbeginstorace]

Dear Jen,

Hey, so, this is what I’ve felt, how I’m feeling, what I’ve done. 

First, I am sorry if you feel I’ve been talking poorly about you behind your back. I have talked about the situation to other people because I’ve tried to understand it. I tried to understand what I did/didn’t do that forced Joey to need space from me and I just don’t right now and am not sure when, if ever, I will. There are tons of reasons why I want to know, it’s not a black and white situation for me at all, and it never has been and never will be. I’m sorry you and I’s friendship was impacted by this, but let me just explain what and why I’ve done what I’ve done and how you play into the situation.

I was in a constant state of anxiety during Joey and I’s friendship in February that he thought I was still interested and it really, really damaged my understanding of myself. I am already hyper aware of my actions being taken as forward rather than friendly, it’s something that has haunted every male interaction of mine since I was raped. “I asked for it” and every single thing I do around guys that I don’t feel 100% aren’t interested, like my dad or gay men, makes me worry I’m asking for it. So then having Joey around who correctly in the past believed I was interested, but after him hurting me was very much so NOT interested in, believed, to my best understanding, that I was STILL asking for it (post December) greatly, greatly stressed me. In that regard, I was relieved to have had space from Joey because it let me feel confident about all of my actions rather than question whether ever single action or comment I made would be taken as flirtatious or more than friendly. 

When Joey called me and said he needed space I got no context. The only things I was told was that “right now I need space and distance from our friendship. I’m saying this for me and my mental health. I think there have been misperceptions, I don’t think we are normal friends and I don’t think that is possible for us.” I asked questions: Did I do something? Am I the reason it’s not possible? Are you mis-perceving me? Were you actually mad/upset all of the times I checked in to see if things were okay? I was greeted with no answers. I left that conversation feeling hurt, attacked, and villainized. I had been working for months to get to a working friendship place with Joey regardless of my discomfort; and suddenly was told all of my efforts had been fruitless and that I was an issue. I can’t even begin to explain how challenging it is to be told by someone you had considered a friend that you are “not possible” to be friends with. I was extremely hurt, especially given that I was likely not going to be around for the foreseeable future and already saw the finish line for most of the friendships around me. I was petrified my last month would be filled with split-up behind the back hang outs and the happy, dynamic and full group I had been interacting with would be fragmented. I felt gaslighted. Someone who had hurt me and I was working to forgive and find ground with completely unrooted my reality by telling me I was the one doing the hurting when I was just trying to figure out a new normal. 

So for the first 2 weeks I just tried to understand and see how people treated me. I was distressed that others, you and Patrick specifically, knew that this space was happening because it highlighted me as “the problem.” I was, and am, scared that because of all of this I have been labeled as problematic when I feel I have been working through an incredibly challenging and nuanced issue (i.e. having someone hurt me personally but being forced to continually see them professionally and maintain that working relationship) that I was never going to handle perfectly. I was going to mess up, I did mess up, and when that happened I knew it would fuel the “problematic” image I had been given. That feeling in an environment I cannot remove myself from, because it is my workplace, was horrible. The Boston office to me currently feels extremely hostile because I don’t know who this has been spread to. So this is where our relationship comes in. I had a strong feeling that you were avoiding and hiding things from me. I obviously don’t know if that’s true, but I felt that when I talked to you, Pat, and Ruth you left to go see Joey when you said you were seeing a high school friend because of the fact you ignored my texts. You ignored a lot of my messages and I was confused why you would do that if it wasn’t because you were hanging out with Joey. That made me very sad that Joey and I’s problem was creating distance between us and upset me. That was my baseline fear for when we were getting ready to go to Stowe and then you and Axel bailed on me for the car. It was another ouch, you doesn’t care about spending time with/hanging out with me, you didn’t even say sorry for leaving me alone on a 3 hour drive with someone I didn’t know well. 

This sets the scene for what I will refer to as my breaking point with the situation. I had been trying so, so hard to not take things personally. To believe that Joey hadn’t talked to you about whatever was going on, that he hadn’t consulted you before he told me we needed space and you had agreed, that you didn’t think I was exclusively the problem, that you believed I could be a good friend. All of those things haunted me, but I didn’t know if they were true and when Axel made the banks comment at dinner during ski weekend and you pulled out your phone to text Joey, I cracked. I asked Axel if he was upset too that we had been excluded from things and that the group was fragmenting. I asked if I was impossible to be friends with and if Joey had said anything to him. I said all of these fears that were haunting me and that if they were true that you either agreed with Joey that I was a problem or were placating him about it which also hurts because it implies you’re okay with that image of me. I cried my way through it and it was embarrassing and I removed myself from the situation and went to the bar to sober up alone and focus on something else (sports) to calm down because I knew that I had just fulfilled my worst nightmare of “being the problem.” The stress had officially beat me and I let myself drunkenly attempt to explain my complex fears and anxieties about you and I’s friendship that I had been feeling since the break began and I did a horrible job of it. It was inarticulate, insensitive, and poorly executed. All of which are 100% on me and I own up to. I said it to Axel because I wanted to know if I was crazy. I was being told my perceptions of reality were not the same as everyone else’s and I was seeking for a gut check that I was wrong. After that, I attempted to try and clear things up with you re our convo in the ski lodge though I don’t think I was clear enough, and sent a long ass apology text to Axel about if I made him feel uncomfortable and explained what I just said to you here, I needed someone else to help me ground my understanding of my reality in regards to this situation and what you thought. I was wrong in how I did it and I should have gone to you directly instead, but I was scared and wanted reassurance before I did so. 

So that takes us to now. I’ve completely pulled back from the whole situation. I’m treading thin ice at work because of this whole issue with Joey potentially on the desk of HR (I really don’t want to/can’t talk about it, but I was issued a courtesy warning bc of my personal relationship with the person that heard the issue existed and for the sake of my job urged that he and I settle things). My job is hands down no question absolutely critically the most important thing in my life and I will do anything to protect it, including making myself look like a fool so others think things have chilled off and even if it means I lose all my friendships bc I don’t hang out my last 3 weeks. I have been trying to make things chill with you, being breezy and friendly but not suffocating or inquisitive or trying to hang out because I don’t know the answers to those questions/fears stated above. Those answers matter to me in regards to our friendship, but the situation is dead to me because of my job. I just need/want everyone to be cool these last 3 weeks so I can move to California and my job can feel safe again. I’m not mad at you. I’m insecure and sad about the state of our relationship, and would love to work through and repair things, but I just can’t do anything to jeopardize my job any more than has already happened and since our issues are ingrained in Joey and I’s problem I haven’t felt safe saying anything. Since I got the warning I have been full protection mode, happy-go-lucky co-worker attitude on, supportive friend, nothing outside of that. I would love to have our personal friendship back, but because we’re co-workers I’m not sure how is best or if it’s best to revitalize that. 

I want this final piece to just be a reassurance to you. None of this is because I think anything is going on between you and Joey. I am jealous that you are able to do what I am “impossible” of doing by maintaining a platonic male/female friendship with someone I couldn’t do that with, but it doesn’t run deeper than that. My feelings have no impact on who you choose to be friends with or how you are friends with them. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to show that to you or if that has been unclear. I’m worried you secretly hate me because you’re friends with someone who hates me. That’s my stressor, not the fact that either of you have found someone to be close friends with. I only want the best for both of you, whatever that is. And if you do hate me and never want to talk or hang out again and I never get to learn why, so be it. I’m deeply saddened, but accept my uselessness to change anything.

[amalforelias-blog]

hi! can i ask you something about wearing a hijab? i'm not muslim and i apologize if i say something offensive. it's not my intention. in one of the seasons sana says she wears a hijab because she wants to not bc she's forced. do muslim women wear it bc they want to or they have to when they're in public? doesn't it get uncomfortable sometimes? she even wears it at home. i hope i'm not being rude i'm just trying to learn about it

Hello, anon !! 

Before I go on with answering, I’ll clarify this little thing first : I’m not Muslim. I’m an ex-muslim, I studied Islamic Education for 9 years and I was a Hijabi for 4 years. So my answer will be heavily based on my interpretation of the religion of Islam, since I greatly believe that Islam is a philosophy that each can give their own touch and feel to.

Hijab is not just the veil you wear around your head, or just a garment you put on your skin, as it is commonly thought to be, it actually holds much more meaning. The piece of clothing is nothing but the physical form of the philosophy behind it, it’s the tip, that meets the short-sighted eye, of a huge mountain of ideas and meanings gathered behind it. 

Hijab, actually, is an atittude.

Hijab (حجاب) is a noun derived from the verb حجب, which means to withhold and to block. So, when you wear Hijab, you’re wearing an atittude to block bad manners and evil traits from sweeping into your soul, you’re adopting a set of manners that strengthen your will against commiting sins or making mistakes against yourself and against others. Hijab is a mindset based on respect, realizing your value and your unique traits amongst others’ different ways of being and respecting the diversity that puts us all together, based on patience; to realize the great effort you need to refrain from falling for lust and forbidden love in a sinfull context and to gather your powers to keep yourself in check from following the pleasures of relationships before marriage (that Islam, following a respectful logic of its own, sees to be unacceptable), and most importantly based on faith; to believe that Allah is the ultimate friend that stands by you through your reckless journey of falling and getting up towards the perfect state of good, and that Allah is your companion who empowers you and gives you strength in this inner fight against pleasurable sins. All of these manners and ideas come together inside your soul to serve as a shield and a veil against the weak nature of our being and against our irrationality, and as a protection from being robbed off the beliefs you stand for and the convictions you’re built on. 

Up until now, I’ve been speaking about a non-gender based concept, a Hijab that doesn’t make a difference between a woman and a man, because Islam comes to teach you about the better ways of being and it does so for all genders alike. Even when it comes to the physical form of Hijab, both women and men are requested to hide some parts of their body, in the presence of the opposite gender, that are considered to be atracttive and call for lustful looks. (for women more than men), and just as a person is supposed to cover up to avoid stiring up lust from the eyes of the other, the other is also supposed to lower their gaze. So after all, it’s an act that needs the well behaving of both parties. (So, yes, men can be Hijabis too)

Islam recommands this optional solution, and you are free to follow through with it. No one forces no one of how to see things, you have your own eyes to see the world. After all, it’s up to you to decide who you want to be, and what ideas and beliefs you want to adopt. You can be a Muslim, but still don’t believe that relationships before marriage are unacceptable, so you don’t consider Hijab as an option to protect you from a sin that you don’t even see as a sin. You can also be a non-muslim, but still be someone who wears this atittude on a daily basis due to your own individual freely refusing to engage in relationships before marriage. 

Your Islam is personal to yourself, and if anyone tries to shove their ideas and their own interpretations of Islam on another while pointing the finger to them and judging their way of being as wrong, is someone who needs to be taught about the common sense of free choice and personal belief.

To be honest, Islam can be understood in different ways, it’s a wide and immense philosophy that needs to be read through wisely and carefully, so interpretations that belittle women and that go against the simple concepts of gender equality and free will DO exist, they do more harm to the world than good.They’re intrepretations that neglect the important idea that Allah sent His message through His Prophet to His people for their benefit and for their good, and NOT to shower them with evil. So, any intrepretation that goes against that should not be accepted as a teaching from Islam.

Oh, by the way, about Sana wearing Hijab inside the house, that’s a minor issue since Iman Meskini is a Hijabi and she just won’t take off the clothing for the whole world to see, that’s why Sana is always seen to be wearing it even inside the house. But that’s not really a necessity, I mean, my grand-mother wears the veil indoors but my mother doesn’t. It’s a preference, all about what the Hijabi is more comfortable with.

I REALLY hope I didn’t offend anyone with this !