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sassenashsworld · 2 years ago

Text

An unexpected meeting

A pre-war 'short' story (ok maybe a little long)

Nora went looking for a job

Hell just fell on Nick

Their path crosses the space of an afternoon

Nothing more

Nora curses once again the engine of her corvega blitz which refuses to start. Nate spends so much time fix it, but maybe that’s the problem. Maybe they should have invested in a new car instead of a Mr Handy.

But no, with a poor smile, Nora shakes her head. She couldn’t be on the road right now if it wasn’t for that wonderful Codsworth. She took a few days to get used to his presence and two good weeks to trust him, but definitely, the robot is a plus for the house, Nate still being too often in his head to let her leave the place in peace.

She so much needed this little day off of her duties. She updated her CV and went down to Cambridge to go around the law offices. She decided to start with the bigger ones and finish the morning where she did her training. It will do her good to see Miss Fergus and Master Gerber again. She knows they place is too small to offer her a permanence, but who knows, maybe things have improved in a year.

After spending a short time sipping coffee and making her presentation, she arrived in the district shortly before noon. She entered the small building in the shade of Grenetech Technologies with a little chill of anticipation and was indeed warmly welcomed by the secretary of her former mentor. After some enthusiastic exchanges where are their respective lives, Miss Fergus informs her the boss left very early for Charlestown to represent an BADTFL agent in a nebulous affair. In fact, he forgot his briefcase and the secretary was supposed to bring him for the lunch. Nora offers her with pleasure, still having all afternoon off in front of her and seeing no problem doing a little sightseeing.

Who knows, she might find a law office across the highway. She doesn’t mind having to travel a bit if it’s for a good job. In hope her car doesn’t die automatically every time she stops it.

That’s how she finds herself waiting at the reception of the BADTFL, having tried to borrow a phone. One of the secretaries promised she would be released shortly, but the lines are clogged up due to a scandal about a certain notorious criminal.

Nora begins to find the time long and wonders if Master Gerber will soon leave the office where she brought the documents. Maybe he could take her to the nearest mechanical center so she can hire a tow truck. Seems like a better solution than waiting for a phone to come free.

A man falls heavily on the chair nearby, an officer having escorted him as if he couldn’t walk on his own. Nora detail him for a moment. The man has a beautiful crow wing hair only highlighted at the temples by some grey lines denouncing his age. He has his face hidden in the palm of his hands and seems to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I’ll get the mail and I’ll be back. Don’t move, detective.”

A detective? Nora often ran into detectives in the courts when she was with Master Gerger, but this one look faint. Most of the detectives she actually remembers is used to look at lawyers with hate or derision. She never gets a chance to talk to one of them in a neutral context. Her curiosity prevails, and perhaps also a certain sympathy for the poor man. No one should be left alone in such a state.

“Eh. Are you okay?”

The man does not react at first, then very slowly, his hands slide from his face and an intensely blue gaze rises on her, a haggard expression turning Nora’s heart.

“I’m sorry?”

“Are you okay?”

A light laugh without any joy. Empty and dark. The little life that seemed to have wanted to surface in this tired face immediately fades away.

“I’d like to lie to you. I’d like to tell you it’s going to be okay. I don’t know.”

He fixed the floor in front of him without adding anything, his arms having come down on the armrests and all his physiognomy falling even more. This time, Nora cannot ignore the distress of the man. She brings her chair closer, placing one hand on the forearm of her opposite. He’s not withdrawing, in fact, he’s just not responding.

“Hey, easy. I don’t think we should have left you alone.”

“What difference does it make…”

She is happy to have come closer because the voice of the man is only a whisper. Despite the very dark tone, the young woman cannot help but find the voice of the man soothing. She knows why he is instinctively sympathetic to her. He reminds her of her father. He reminds her especially of himself in the last few months, as he stretched out the last moments of lucidity he had left and the weight of his fallen existence fell on his heart. Nora’s one turns once again in her chest. She doesn’t know why, but she instantly feels responsible of this stranger. He inspires too much pity. He seems too good to endure such suffering, his voice having too much the accent of comfort to be destroyed by such pain.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Again, two blue eyes rise on her, almost intrigued, almost as if something were shaking a pile of life in him. He opens trembling lips and then they close. He shakes his head slowly. He looks so helpless. Instinctively, Nora recovers and extends her arms around the shoulders of the man. He must be particularly desperate because he accepts the embrace, surrounding the girl’s waist with his arms.

"Lord, why her?"

Nora has already seen men in such a state of shock. One particular case comes to her mind. Her master made fun of her because she was too warm, too empathetic. He had told her that in the profession, a lawyer could not afford such behavior. But Nora did not care. She chose law to help the weak and the poor, not to make big money.

“I can’t promise you it’s going to be okay, I don’t like to lie neither, but I’m staying here. Take your time.”

She lets the man lie his head on her shoulder and she feels a huge sigh lifting his ribcage. He’s taller than her, he’s an athlete, but right now he seems so fragile she feels like she’s holding a little boy in her arms. She tightens her embrace a little to show him the gesture accompanies the word and they remain a moment in silence. Then he slowly moves away from her, a bit ashamed.

When Nick saw a white veil of snow on the corner of his gaze, that veil spread over the greenest gaze he had ever seen in his life, an angel’s face leaning in his direction and a gentle voice speaking to him tenderly, he believed for a moment the death had finally set him free. But no. She’s a woman. A young woman. He doesn’t know what she’s doing in the BADTFL offices, but honestly, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything right now. He does not care about yesterday, tomorrow, the agent who must bring him the holotape of his superior and the secretaries who play a game of chess between all the lines that keep ringing.

Nothing matters anymore.

Day, night, cold, hot, good, evil. Nothing exists anymore. Everything is grey and lifeless.

Because Jenny is gone.

Jenny was killed because of him.

Then a heat island landed on him. A small pale hand closed delicate fingers on his arm. He tries to force himself to react, an old reflex. He has always been attentive to people. He has always paid attention to his environment. But now he is unable to shake his torpor. His pain in life. Trying to come back to the surface is starting to suffer again in this way too. He suffers as much inside, but not both at the same time. To be aware of what’s going on around him is to realize that Jenny’s gone. He just doesn’t have the strength. He just wants it to stop.

But the woman keeps talking to him. What does she say? He shakes his head. No, he doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to name anything. He doesn’t want to describe anything. He doesn’t want to feel anything. Yet he feels it. He feels the emptiness of his existence. He feels the futility of what was so important to him a few days earlier. He feels the price of his obsession for a criminal who has finally cost him the only real good thing he has ever known in his life. He feels the collapse of everything he believed in before that day.

Then he feels two arms close on his shoulders and he does not even find the strength to resist, to stand up, to make a man of himself. He accepts the comfort which is completely futile but so desired. He closes his eyes. He sees her face. He sees her smile. Her eyes so sparkling with life.

“Lord… why her?”

Why, of all the lives that had to be taken, of all the souls that could liberate the earth, did destiny have to fall on his Jenny? The confident and warm voice is heard again a few inches from his ear.

“I can’t promise you it’s going to be okay, I don’t like to lie neither, but I’m staying here. Take your time.”

For the first time since the beginning of the apocalypse, someone talks to him frankly, tells him the truth. No nonsense. None of this ‘is going to be ok’. No stupidity about time passing and healing wounds. No promise of a better tomorrow. Just the truth. Brute. But at the same time, the sweetest thing he’s heard since his phone rang in his office to announce the end of his universe. He poses the head against the friendly shoulder of a stranger who has offered herself without counting and feels for the first time in days a tiny bit of existence returning to him with some balm of kindness.

This woman, this stranger, why is she doing this? He doesn’t know. And he doesn’t want to know. For now, it’s simply an angel from heaven who seems to take some of his pain on her own shoulders for no reason. And he accepts it. He can’t do otherwise. All his despair hangs on this tiny island of appeasement. He doesn’t know how much time passes. The agent comes back and hands a holotape. The woman takes it and thanks him, keeping the detective in her arms like a mother who protects her child from something possibly threatening. The agent leaves. Nick finally shakes himself.

Nick shakes and suddenly realizes what just happened. He slowly straightens up, raising a curious gaze towards the woman who gently lowers her hand along his arm, as if she wanted to assure him she would not break the contact unless if it’s what he desires.

What a strange choice of words. Nora doesn’t understand why she told him that. But at the same time, she understands. One day, a few years ago, when she was picking up the shreds of her existence, she would have liked to have been comforted. His parents had tried, clumsily, but at the same time they were too much struck by shame. She had been left in her room, alone in the dark to cry all the tears of her body. The family’s honor had been violated and her parents had only one hope: she would rise and act as if nothing had happened.

"Lord. I beg your forgiveness."

“No, don’t do that. We all need help eventually. I don’t understand why you were left alone. It’s obvious you must not be abandoned.”

She looks around and sees the embarrassment of a few people, here and there. The same impression. People are uncomfortable. They’d like that cop to disappear with his despair rather than burden them with the misfortune of his presence. They don’t dare chase him, they’re not so monstrous. But those who aren’t too busy to notice just don’t know how to react. Like these nurses when Nora came to pick up her father in a few hallways where he had escaped. They just wished they could tie him up, but the family was against it.

Problems. Problems we don’t want in a society of pomp.

Nora turns again to the detective who always stares at her, seeming to wonder where this person who pays attention to him can come from. She smiles at him gently.

“Do you want to go for a coffee? Are you hungry?”

Nick expected her to ask him if he was better. People who tried to offer him comfort always asked him that just before leaving him, reassured by his half-answer and his coarse lie. But not her. The glance on him perfectly reflects the opposite. She knows he is not better and doesn’t try to fall into a sterile illusion that would only serve to free her from his cumbersome presence.

“A… a coffee?”

He tries to think. For a minute, all his thoughts escape him, and he doesn’t even remember what coffee is. Then the next moment, he remembers Jenny who always came to offer him a last cup before going to bed, while he continued to strip the late files he did not give up peeling until too late at night.

“A cup of coffee. I saw a little bistro down the street. I think I was completely forgotten and…”

She claps her hand.

“I think you also finished with BADTFL.”

“Yes. I’m done.”

He takes the holobande she’s handing him and weighs it for a moment, then puts it on the free bench next to him. The stranger’s hand still hasn’t left his arm, as if she was trying to breathe life into him through this contact. And it seems to work. He feels able to move. He feels able to get up. To go. Where? He doesn’t know. To the bistro for now. That’s enough.

Nora gets up and takes his arm, as she so often took her father’s, lost in a world he didn’t recognize. They progress slowly, at the rhythm of man, she doesn’t want to rush him any more than what precipitated him into the abyss. He walks with her, one step at a time. They gather on the steps in front of the regional office. They walk down the street. They enter the bistro. The young woman puts the man in one seat and then goes to the counter to order two coffees and two crispy chicken wraps.

She doesn’t know if the man will want to eat, but she’s starving. She thought she could eat after she had worn the briefcase to her former boss. Perhaps by discussing work. Now she doesn’t care. She’ll call Nate a little later to explain she’ll probably be late and he’ll have to eat alone. With Codsworth at home, she is not afraid. Her men will be well treated. In the meantime, there is a man here, in his present, who has no one but a pure stranger to support him.

Nick watches the young woman with long white hair heading to the counter. He has rarely seen a woman like that. He sometimes sees them on the paintings in the museum where Jenny liked to spend her Sunday afternoons. Real ladies, all of nobility, whose graceful smile seemed to transcend time and space to reassure visitors that people were watching. And she descended, this noble lady, from her centuries-old painting, to come and take his arm, guide him, penetrate his solitude, and reach him in his despair. She uttered no futile words, no pre-recorded stupidity for situations that escape the ordinary mortal. Because she doesn’t belong to ordinary people. She’s an angel Jenny sent for him. An angel laid there on his way to help him to resume his path. To where? He ignores it. But he knows he must follow the path she will tell him. And it feels good. He doesn’t feel so lost any more. He still feels so bad. He still feels so desperate. He knows when the foreigner leaves him to resume her own path, the immeasurable emptiness of his existence will catch up with him. But for now, for a single moment, he’s not alone.

“I didn’t know if you took it black or latte. I ask them to put a cream and a sugar on it. That’s how I take it. I figured you probably had a trip of bitterness and didn’t need it in your brew.”

He looks up, a moment dazzled. Then he remembers. The woman. She puts a cup of smoking coffee in front of him. A cream and a sugar. Like Jenny. She always said life was pretty bitter, you shouldn’t add to coffee. He also used to take his coffee like that, if only to please her. He closes his eyes by carrying the cup to his lips and during a fraction of existence, he almost feels like he’s back to just before. Right before everything collapsed.

“Do you have family? Friends?”

“No. I’m from Chicago.”

“Damn, that’s a hell of a walk! Do you have somewhere to stay?”

“Yes. I have an apartment in Boston.”

He doesn’t know how he naturally manages to speak with the young woman. She asks her questions, he answers her. He opens to her completely. Especially because she doesn’t ask any indelicate questions. He understands where she’s go. He knows because he often asked victims the same questions in his investigations. Is she a detective? It’s a pretty bad environment for women. But if she’s a detective, it must be one he wouldn’t be ashamed to share a file with. His colleagues are too often… corrupt, disillusioned for the least. Automatons that fill files with so little consideration for the people they describe. He always tried to make a human difference in the balance. People naturally trusted him.

“Which office do you work for?”

She blinks twice, surprised. Then she shakes her head slowly, again this thin amused smile clads on her lips.

“I don’t have an office yet. I was trying to find one. I took my day off from my baby to get there, but it ended in a car breakdown. My husband will probably try to accuse me of pushing it too hard.”

She has light laughter. Not at all insulting. Just natural. She has a natural inclination to laugh and smile. It seems to Nick she could go through hell with a smile on her face. Maybe she did. She has that glare, despite her youth. That look which has already seen too much and which could have been extinguished, but which decided to set fire to burn everything in its path, in order to warm the hearts of people who could feel the too great cold of existence extend its icy fingers on their hearts. He himself feels the bite melt away. His heart beats again. His lungs breathe again. Each sip of coffee is a Homeric embodiment of the warmth that the white-haired young woman tries to communicate him.

“He’s lucky, your husband. I hope he can keep you safe.”

His lip trembles despite him and his last words stumble. He hopes this husband will be a better companion than himself who let his fiancée die away from him, slaughtered by the criminal he sought to catch.

“He’s a veteran of Anchorage. He’s the very security.”

“But his wife walks the streets of Charlestown picking up complete strangers in her path. He should be must careful.”

He didn’t want to sound so bitter. If the said women did not walk the streets of Charlestown picking up the pure strangers, he would be sinking, at the bottom of his bench, or perhaps he would have managed to move and be sinking at the bottom of the Charles, an idea that has been haunting him for days. As it sinks nearby…

“He taught me how to defend myself. A foreigner should not think he is going to meet a poor damsel in distress. He would probably swallow a crooked bone.”

“So the young lady reverses the roles and picks up man in distress.”

“You’re a detective. I never thought for a moment you could harm me. What I don’t get is none of your colleagues are with you to help you through— anything you’re going through.”

He sighs deeply, resting his cup and noticing with astonishment there is a plate in front of him on the table. A chicken wraps. He loves wraps. With a good layer of mayonnaise that counteracts the acidity of the tomatoes. He slowly takes the sandwich in his hand as if it were some apparitions he still can’t understand, but part of his brain still manages to analyze what the woman says, and he replies.

“I was called to Boston for one case. A big case. A case that smelled bad from coast to coast. A case that doesn’t take just one day and doesn’t leave us overnight. I had a reputation for being good at uprooting the streets, and I was taken to the worst rat cage I’ve ever seen. The problem is I dragged my fiancée there.”

He keeps quiet, the sandwich in his hand, the look in the wave. The woman in front of him takes a bite as if she wanted to remind him how to do it, but she quickly understands he is very far from his frugal meal. However, he ended up shaking himself, giving her a sad look.

“The deal was so well done then I was the one who got wrapped up, and as an expeditious envoy they sent my fiancée ad patre.”

Nora cannot hold back her frightening exclamation. She automatically extends her hand on the table and grabs the one of the strangers.

“God, this is horrible! And you don’t get any help? You were left alone? Damn it, they’re assholes!”

Instead of sinking again into his torment, he is grasped by the spontaneously ordeal language of the one he liked to portray as some divine creature. Despite him, a snort escapes him. The asshole. Yes. He thinks no less. A nice bunch of fuckers, all as much as they are. They wiped their feet clean on him and the dead body of his beautiful Jenny and nothing and no one will ever be able to redeem what was taken from him. But despite him, this woman is so fresh she puts a balm on his heart. Very light, certainly, but when you are really thirsty, a simple drop of dew can taste the sky.

“You really are something, aren’t you?”

“I’m often told that. It cause me problem me more often than not.”

They fall back into silence, somewhere comfortable. Nora continues to eat her sandwich quietly. Nick risks his teeth. A ranch sauce. He prefers mayonnaise. But somehow, this woman seems the very statement to spice up life. He’s not surprised she’s spicing the sandwiches as well. It’s not bad. It’s actually quite nice. Like all those little details she’s punctuated his moments since his path crossed hers.

But they will have to separate. She will go back to her husband. He’ll go back to his sad, empty apartment where all the memories of Jenny will be there waiting for him, blaming him. Kicking him down. The only bite he took won’t sink. His throat tightens and even if he finally manages to swallow, he understands his moment of grace is over. He managed to veil himself for a fraction of a second, but time and reality have just caught up with him. He rests the wrap on the plate admitting his defeat, feeling again the weight of his misfortune come down on his heart.

“That’s… very kind of you. You’re an admirable person.”

“I don’t think so, no.”

He is surprised in his stride and finds himself unbalanced. These are not so many words, even if they are surprising. But the way she said it. It’s definitely destabilized. He looks at her in surprise. But who in the world answers like that? Who in the world carefully avoids all platonic lines of politeness? It doesn’t even seem like false modesty or denigration. Just a careless throw on the pile. He takes one step; she tells him not to. He doesn’t.

“What...but if... You didn’t need to—

“You needed it. It was enough.”

Facts. She’s stating facts. She neglects any extraordinary feeling with the back of her hand and disconcerts all his attempts to offer her thanks and gratitude by breaking them with the simple establishment of what she considers a fact. His mouth left open.

«One day» she starts with an absent voice, looking towards the window, towards the sky «my universe collapsed. Another day, it collapsed again. And again. All my promises of a better life have been broken one after the other in front of me every time I have tried to move forward in life. They tried to break what I was. They broke the ones I loved. They broke my home. They broke my intimacy. They broke every single face of my identities. And nobody ever reached out to me. Nobody ever hugged me. No one ever comforted me. No miracle happened. I had to create my miracle. It was then broken, again.”

And she smiles. And she laughs. Shit! What is this woman?

“I had a dream, it was stolen from me. I had a situation; it was taken away from me. Life does that. Some are lucky, some are not. Some are born with fortune; some will never finish the month. I would have liked, only once, to find a refuge, at that time. A person who, even for a moment, even for a minute, would have offered me his shoulder. It didn’t happen.”

She finally turns her gaze to him. She turns these two iris so green that one would almost believe them unreal.

“For now, I’m happy. I built something. I found shelter. I started a family. Tomorrow, who knows. The world could fall apart again. But who cares?”

She shrugs her shoulders and tightens her fingers on the man’s hand, advancing a little on her seat as if she wanted to get as close as possible.

“But even if I manage to move forward, even if I continue to rebuild, even if I have gotten used to the idea I have always been alone in the face of horror, I don’t wish that on anyone. I just can’t leave a person in need if I can do something. Even if it’s little. Even if it’s nothing. I can’t help it. You needed someone. I can’t offer you much, but anything I can offer you, I give you.”

He stares at her for a long time in silence, stunned. Then he turns his hand in her and squeezes it back. He could say thank you. Now he knows she will say it’s nothing. He could say a thousand things. Now he knows she will sweep them all away. So, he accepts. He simply accepts. He accepts and somehow that’s the best he can do right now. He feels grateful. He feels something other than emptiness and horror. He feels supported. He feels understood. He does not need to expand, to describe his horror in every detail, to lose himself in tears and pain. She understood that. She heard him. She gave him a little bit of everything she could so he could take a step. Then another step. He doesn’t know where it will take him, but for now, that’s all he needed to rekindle the desire to continue. He does not know if he will recover, but he will seek to do so. If he can find a way forward, he will move forward. His existence no longer makes sense, but he now knows he will do everything to give it back.

“Nick! Thank God!”

Nora and Nick jump when a man rushes in their direction immediately a step made inside the bistro. The detective winks several times as if he had just come down to earth. The woman turns to the newcomer, curious. Captain Jonathan Widmark rushes to the table where they sit and stands in front of Nick.

“Shit, I knew I should have come in person. When the guys from BADTFL told me you left without even listening to the holotape. Look, Nick, I’m sorry. I’m totally sorry. I didn’t know, you must believe me.”

“That’s fine, Captain, you don’t have to get all upset.”

“I told them not to let you go. What you’ve been through… this whole thing. Winter… Jenny.”

The tornado in uniform doesn’t even seem to notice the young woman in front of the detective. She doesn’t know if she should apologize and leave, but somewhere, she’d rather not. The detective seemed to want to open up little by little, but she now sees him collapsing again as the other speaks.

“Look, I gave you instructions on the holotape. The Boston Police Department is paying you for therapy. You must go to the C.I.T. Everything is organized. For your sake and I confess for my conscience, you must do it.”

Nick turns his gaze to the young woman who accompanies him. Only then does Captain Widmark seem to notice her.

“Oh, I… Hello miss. Sorry for my cavalier ways but understand…I was worried sick. You are?”

“A friend” she graciously presents herself with a hand he shakes lightly. “The BADTFL ‘fools’ seemed to have no idea what to do with your detective, so I took him for a bite. Literally. Is it the way the police do to take their good stuff and throw it to the sharks?”

The captain seemed horrified. He took a step back, as if Nora had just slapped him physically.

“N-no. No. I… I was busy in Boston. I couldn’t make it earlier.”

“Surely there must have been man’s death to keep you away from this one.”

“I came as soon as I could” he yells “And when I was told Nick had left the office, I did everything I could to find him. I was at least reassured he walked, so I did all the shopping in the area to try to find someone who would have seen him.”

“Yup. A good cop, a bad case, a river that flows near . Are you aware you did a small marathon? I hope you won’t sleep tonight.”

Nick can’t help it. The corners of his mouth roll up as he holds back his laughter. This woman is quite a case herself. Widmark takes another step back, managing badly the full assault.

“Madam, where are your manners?”

“In the same place as your common sense. You come here all out of breath on your high horse, as if you had beaten heaven and earth in search of your good detective, but the facts are and remain sir that you abandoned my client.”

Nora stands up in her seat and rises slowly, staring coldly at the man. Inside, she has as much fun with the astonishment of the captain as the detective.

“ The B.P.D. pays for psychological care for him? That’s the least you can do. If I had my way, I’d have your damn department spit out damages to bring the city of Boston to its knees!"

“Ma-ma-Madam is a lawyer?”

“Yes. But fortunately for you, my client and I have not finished discussing this case. For the moment, you will understand he has very strong emotions and he doesn’t care about your late apologies. His life has been shattered by you. I do not intend to act as inhumane as his colleagues have dared to do. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’m trying to put something in his stomach before the starvation does the river’s work.”

The captain seems to have to swallow another two or three tons of air before he has the ability to speak. Nick, for his part, is thrown from the clouds. A lawyer. Their case? He didn’t discuss that case. He didn’t have any discussion. How does she know all that? In the end, wasn’t it chance that put her in his way? It’s just one of those sharks looking for a juicy piece of meat, one of those sharks but in particularly amazing manners? Does he fell into a lawyer trap? He now feels another emotion rise in him. Anger. It rises slowly with realization. The captain apologizes confusingly while the white-haired woman sits down as if nothing had happened. He opens his mouth and when he speaks, his voice is so white with rage that he hardly recognizes it.

“So that was it. I must have thought altruism wouldn’t run the streets. A lawyer. Well, ma'am, I’m not your client. Thank you very much.”

He is reaching for his pocket to take his wallet. He doesn’t want to owe her a sandwich.

“Think again” she commands him with a voice that stops him in his gesture. “This angry person was rushing you into your misfortune. You’re just starting to breathe that he would have choked you. Yes, I’m a lawyer. But I don’t have an office and I’m not looking for a cause. I just felt you didn’t need... this” which she dismissively concludes by pointing at the back of the man moving away.

“You have a funny way of doing business.”

“You’re not a business. You’re a man. You’re a human being. Pity for conscience, it stinks in my face.”

He watches his captain walk away through the window, then looks again at the woman who took a neutral expression, the look lost in her own coffee cup.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should have warned you. But there was more urgency.”

“Why did you mention…the river?”

“Because one would have to be blind not to see such evidence. I found you in despair and it would not have taken long for one plus one to do two in your head. You would have risen from your seat where you had been left to rot. You would have slowly walked down the street without seeing anything. Then at the end of the way, the Charles would have called you. The promise of deliverance. Your captain could have run, but he could not have caught the fish that would now keep you company.”

He didn’t think he was so transparent. Although on the other hand, he didn’t think of anything in particular. Except Jenny. Except his pain. Except his desire to end it. Yes, he had thought of the Charles. Yes, he had thought of getting up and going to sink his misfortunes to the bottom of the water. But a hand with perfectly manicured nails had landed on his arm. A lively look had dived into his. A woman with a charming voice had dragged him in the opposite direction to the river and had offered him a coffee, a bite.

“Is it too early to ask what you are going to do now?”

He stares at her, trying to think about it. A solution to end his infernal cycle. He was offered one on a silver platter.

“I’m going to Cambridge. I have nothing to lose anyway. At least I won’t have to go…home.”

He chokes on his last word. She again brings her hand to take his. He smiles slightly at her. No, it’s not a lawyer shark. It’s a good person who crossed his path and diverted him from a doom. He must now continue on the road that finally discovers itself in front of him. He still cannot see tomorrow, nor the future. But he sees the next step, and for now, that’s enough.

“Do you have a car?”

He’s caught off guard. No, he doesn’t have a car. He normally uses a patrol the Boston office provides. The city is well organized around public transport and his apartment is in a very lively area. He had not felt the need to buy a car, especially with his meagre salary, especially with the desire to organize a wedding worthy for Jenny. He had come to Charlestown in a taxi and was counting...in fact he had counted on nothing. He acted like an automaton who was only looking for an opportunity to stop moving forward. He was told to take all his files from Winter’s End to the BADTFL, but then he didn’t see the next step.

“No…”

“Mine is a bit capricious, but here’s what I propose. I’ll take you myself to the C.I.T. It’s on my way anyway. Just let me make a call, and then I’ll come back. You don’t move, you promise?”

Damn! This woman likes to order. But right now, Nick needs to be ordered. More than ever. He nods slowly and she continues to smiles at him so warmly, getting up by taking her purse.

“You stay here, you try to take another bite, and then we’ll see what we can do with my old car.”

She walks away but glances in his direction every moment. Even on the public phone, she talks without leaving eyes contact. He feels again a smile taking him by surprise. No, this woman is not a trap, it’s a blessing. Exactly what he needed when he needed it. Just an angel on his path.

Just the kind of person who wants to make the world exactly what he’s always wanted.

In another time, another universe, who knows, they could have made quite a team.

#pre-war nick valentine #nick valentine #pre-war nora #nora #fallout 4 #nora is silver #pre-war story #silver's story

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aenthroppe · 9 months ago

Text

@just-browsin-here

I dont know how much it helps with the not wanting to kill yourself part, since it does require reading the the job listing over and over again but for you and anyone else that might need it; I translated the template I used for my cover letters into English! (the base was German for context) it's kinda long so I'll put it under a read more

Dear [Name or hiring manager if you really cannot find a name anywhere]

On [place where you found the position] I found your open position for [x] and wanted to apply immediately. [sentence about your general qualification (Diploma, Bachelor, past job) and maybe why you are looking for work]. Your job offer didn’t just stick out to me because of [#1 thing taken directly from the listing] and [#2 thing], aspects with which I [have experience (specify)], but also because of [#3 thing]. During my [past steps of attaining the general qualification/work experience] I learnt just how [valuable/important/rewarding #3 thing] is.

In my CV you can see [relevant projects/experience]. I worked in [team sizes] and the common thread through all of them was [something specific that still applies to the position (e.g. the way the projects were managed)] and [something general/basic that’s important to most jobs (e.g. Communication skills)]. [Feel free to put in another sentence if you can attach it to the contents/requirements of the job offer].

[If applicable; Now give info on how past qualifications make you the best fit for the roll. This is highly specific but you can make that into a nice template as well. Explain the context of your previous work and then go into detail how that helped you grow as a person. Especially soft skills which may not shine through in your CV]

But enough preamble, attached are my [CV and everything else that might boost you up. Definitely ‘proof’ the aforementioned qualifications (your grades/diploma/any kind of references from former employers)]

If you have any further queries, I’ll gladly be on hand. I’m looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

[name and last name] The first two paragraphs are deffo a must Here's what that would look like filled out based on the last position I wrote to

Dear Hiring Manager,

On LinkedIn I found your open position for a Fullstack Developer and wanted to apply immediately. Last month I finished my bachelor studies in media informatics at [not doxxing my university]. Following that, I am searching for a place to work. Your offer didn’t just jump out to me due to the usage of Java and Angular, a language and framework for which I have already gained professional experience, but also because of the focus on usability and user experience. During my studies I had to work with and evaluate many projects of other students and experienced first-hand how important user experience is for an efficient workflow.

In my CV you can see a selection of the projects I’ve worked on over the course of my studies. In teams of small as well as big sizes, the common thread through all of them was the agile management and the ever-important interpersonal communication. My internship at [not doxxing that], gave me experience with working for customers. It helped me refine an eye for details for how to implement the customers’ specifications in a precise and user-friendly manner. Likewise during my internship great value was placed on the quality of my code, therefore I am familiar with different ways of testing code to ensure functionality.

But enough preamble, attached you will find my CV, grades, and the reference of my last employer. For any remaining questions, I’ll be gladly on hand.

I’m looking forward to your reply

Sincerly,

Ænthroppe (I didnt write my name like that but can you imagine lmao)

Anyone have a tutorial on disabling your moral compass and/or spine? I gotta apply to jobs.

#jaam talks #we're making it out of unemployment with this one!!! 💯💯💯#also ppl were in the notes wondering when this post became mature #this kind of work and employment talk is simply not for little kids 😔

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csuitebitches · 2 years ago

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On Polishing my CV

I’m starting a career series for the next 30 days. Join me!

To give a little context, let me explain a few things about myself.

I just finished my undergraduate degree in business and entrepreneurship with a specialisation in finance.

I had previously co-founded a company in the EV (electric vehicle) charging space as COO (the company is no longer active).

I want to work with accelerators, investment funds, venture capital or private equity.

I haven’t landed a job yet. So the next 30 days, I’m focused on improving my CV for my job prospects whilst I move back to my home country.

I’m unsure if the formula I’m using for my finance career will work out, but I wanted to document it just in case it actually does.

Steps:

Current progress indicates as of 1st September 2022.

1. Completing the Private Equity Associate course from Financial Edge.

- I learned about the course from a YouTuber, “Angela.” It’s beginner friendly and they teach you everything, right from the excel basics to accounting to DCF methods.

Current Progress: 16%

2. Deciding the spaces I want to be in.

For now,

- Sustainability

- Fashion

- blue chip

3. Defining my current skill set

- Identifying weaknesses

- Strategic planning

- Marketing plans

- Pitch decks and pitching

- Reviewing financial documents

4. Knowledge

Improving my knowledge of the overall developments and trends in the industry, but also elaborate on the specific influences currently affecting the market. Keep up with the news.

5. Blogging.

Every site I’ve come across talks about the importance of blogging about companies and start ups that you find interesting. I think I’m going to start a YouTube channel instead.

Current Progress: 0 videos

6. Building a fantasy start up portfolio.

Current Progress: 0 start ups

7. Reach out to VCs to provide value.

I’m going to try and reach out to founders directly and see if that works out.

Current Progress: 0 new connections

Current connections: 310

8. Study IPOs

For my job : “Study the ins and outs of an initial public offering (IPO) that relates to the venture capital firm's niche interests and prepare your analysis. Discuss the potential you see for the company and how it could strengthen its market position.” (Found online).

Current Progress: 0 IPOs studied

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ruiniel · 2 years ago

Note

this is a lot but I’m nosy 👀

3, 9, 10, 11, 27, 29, 30 for ao3 wrapped pls !

Oh you're so kind, ty ty!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Another way! I'm liking how it's turning out and still enjoying exploring that scenario.

Honorable mention goes to my hurt/comfort angstfest: Beyond this place of wrath and tears because I spent some time on that one, and besides this is a sample of my character POV/dynamic sheet so far:

1- Sypha AB

2- Trevor AC

3- Alucard, Sypha AB

4- Sypha, Alucard AB

5- Trevor BC, ABC, ABC

6- Trevor, Alucard ABC, BC, AB

7- Sypha, Trevor AC, ABC, BC

8- Sypha, Trevor ABC, ABC, ABC

... so really invested in that fic but also very slow, hoping to finish it by the time Nocturne drops though

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

Aegnor x Andreth (The Silm)

Lisa x Carmilla (CV 2017-2021 series)

Trevor x Alucard (CV 2017-2021 series)

10. What work was the quickest to write?

I wrote my Scarlet Heavens fic (18+) in one sitting barring the edits.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

Again this one! Beyond this place of wrath and tears

27. What do you listen to while writing?

Sometimes silence helps, other times music! Which can be summed up as:

random playlist for *insert genre you're writing*

the same, specific beloved song/artist for days on end, probably finish a fic on said song

Shuffle Liked songs

Music ranges from atmospheric to folk to metal to art pop and darkwave and others that don't come to mind now!

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That I stayed constant in practicing it (which was my aim for this year) despite all that went on in life and the world. And! the support from people on some of my works really helped keep the flow there, so thank you!

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Uhhh-uhhh *fidget* ended up with two, but since one of them isn't a passage but a longer scene, I'll just add it... it's this scene between Trevor and Alucard from Trevor's point of view (context: Trevor's recently been very ill). I'll place it under the cut because it's too long!

Thanks again for sending!

“Hold on to me, Belmont, not my shirt.”

Trevor does, or tries, grunting with his arm slung around Alucard’s neck as he stands to his wobbling feet. He can’t even feel irked by Alucard’s tone, eager to be moving and, if he’s being honest, too grateful to complain. “I really could try this on my own, you know,” Trevor says anyway, receiving no reply.

Alucard’s support never falters, his arm steady around Trevor’s ribs. “I appreciate the care for my time,” he says as they take a few steps together, “but I do have an inordinate supply of it.”

Well, he’s right about that. Again, Trevor lets it slide. Maybe he’s getting soft here, or maybe he’s become more used to Alucard’s cold-shoulder retorts. He’s warm against Trevor’s side, and the hunter is absolutely not focused on that more than the important task of putting one foot in front of the other.

This is not awkward.

He recalls Alucard’s words to Sypha, to them, the honesty in his voice with the admission that he wanted them here and despite Trevor’s own previous misgivings, those moments stayed with the hunter ever since and now live free in his head to mull over.

This is not awkward.

They pass through a tall entrance to an adjoined chamber, and from there onto a long terrace overlooking the wooded pathlands. It is here Alucard eases the hunter down on a padded, upholstered bench, set in the shade and heaped with cushions.

Trevor squints, uses his hand as a shield until his eyes stop hurting from the sudden change. He blinks as the wilderness appears in tints of green and fading blue the farther it spreads, climbing up the knees of solemn mountains rising jagged in the distance. Getting some fresh air was the goal here, and the hunter takes full breaths of it.

Alucard busies himself with some bottles and flasks, then sits beside Trevor on the bench. It’s quiet up here, comes the thought, but not as silent as the stifling four walls of a chamber, and days passed since Trevor was reacquainted with lucidity — a state he’s apparently taken shamelessly for granted before the onset of his illness. It’s strange to him to be left so weakened as to need help in this manner, stranger still to actually receive it; something Trevor remembers happening but once before in his life, a kindness he clung to through the latter years when his defaced hope in humanity was finally about to give. “Thanks,” he says, shaking off the memory, because not everything must be ghosts and regret.

Alucard looks his way, an eyebrow raised; waiting patiently.

“For this,” Trevor sighs, pointing at himself. “For helping me heal.” He rubs the back of his head, furrows his brows.

Alucard picks a tome with a dusted blue cover from a sheltered table in the corner. He looks down at the damn thing, and there is that fucking sadness again; it's on his face, in the way he moves, in everything he does.

This is awkward.

But he’s Trevor fucking Belmont, afraid of no man or beast et cetera, et cetera, and if he was unhinged enough to punch Dracula in the face he won’t quail before talking about his feelings to his son.

“Neither Sypha nor I could have done any different,” Alucard says, meeting his eyes and he’s… he’s smiling. Brief and pale, but it’s there, like it was those first moments of clarity when Alucard was leaning over him, looking like something priceless had just dropped in his lap. A silly comparison, maybe, but Trevor’s never been a poet, and it’s Alucard’s expression he still sees in those states between wakefulness and sleep.

“Still,” Trevor looks back ahead, sliding lower against the bench, “I’m not dead, probably would be if it weren’t for you, again, and… and, yeah.” He sighs, “What I’m trying to say is,” he throws Alucard a brief glance to see him staring at his feet, elbows propped on his knees, “I’ve lived on lucky chances for the latter half of my life. I’m surprised I’m still alive, to be frank.”

“Agreed.”

“Shut up and let me say this. I was used to being treated like shit by people, and after a while, it’s easy to become what everyone makes of you.” He feels Alucard's gaze on him, finds it easier to stare at the clouds smeared like white pastry across the sky. “From the beginning — ever since your weird entrance into our lives you both always treated me like I’m worth something, and that’s… I’m thankful for that. Yeah? Wanted to get this out of the way. Wanted you to know.” He falls silent, observing two eagles as they circle each other in strong, graceful sweeps against a backdrop of blue.

Alucard rests with his head on the backrest, hands clasped together over his chest, finally looking like he’s got no stake up his arse. But he understands, he must. After all, his own life did a complete flip, making way for… for whatever this is. Maybe Alucard isn’t sure either. But he no longer avoids their company for most of the time, no longer slinks away at night to hunt until he returns bloody and worn. Instead, he stood by Trevor and Sypha since that morning, kept feeding Trevor that horrible tasting medicine and if he left, many times they would wake late into the night and find him there, either reading or dozing in an armchair close to the bed.

And that, too, is what Trevor is grateful for — all of them taking a direly needed breath together. No heavy topics. No talk of sieges. No questions apart from practical matters of the present. He rubs at his chest where it still hurts to breathe and a persistent fatigue renders him incapable of doing much, for most of the time, but the air is clean, they’re not running for their lives, and Alucard is here.

“So, we’re staying for a while,” Trevor speaks gruffly against his own fear. For how long? They haven’t discussed that, either. And how much does it really matter now, anyway? “You’ll need a lot of help with this place, by the looks of it.”

Alucard reaches for the water pitcher, pours and offers out a glass. His hand is pale and bony beneath the brush of Trevor’s fingers, his eyes sunken in, and he still looks like something heavy and nasty constantly drags him down by the shoulders. Trevor makes an effort and doesn’t comment. Nobody likes having their pain called out at every turn; they know it’s there, after all.

“First, regain your strength. Then we’ll see to the rest.”

Trevor can't argue with that, and a few steps forward are usually better than none.

Above them, the eagles cry.

#ao3 wrapped

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cyoc49 · 4 years ago

Text

HIMBO Magazine: Changing Departments

*click! click! click! click!*

Derek listened to the camera flash as he sat on the side of the bed. He was currently doing a photo shoot for HIMBO magazine, a fashion and lifestyle magazine “for the modern gay male™”. Fake blood dripped against his chest - they were doing some Halloween type of shoot. But let’s be honest, the blood wasn’t the focus of the shot: it was his body. Derek had never been the best student - and his attitude certainly didn’t help - but if there was one thing he knew how to do, it was make his body look as sexy as humanly possible. Derek scoured nutrition blogs to make sure he stayed up to date on everything related to fitness, and the dedication showed itself in his beautiful, sculpted body. Sitting here with no shirt on and wearing a pair of lethally tight skinny jeans, he looked like every gay man’s wet dream. To put it simply, Derek was hot as hell; problem is, he knew he was hot at hell.

“Alright, that’s good. I think we have what we need, thank you Mr. Hale” the director said. Derek stood up and two twinkish looking assistants came over to remove the blood. Derek stood still and tried to ignore the two obviously gay men putting their hands all over his body. Derek was the kind of guy who thought all gay men were jumping at the bit for any man they can find. Doing a photo shoot for a gay magazine was certainly not his dream, but hey: a paycheck is a paycheck.

After he was cleaned off, Derek put on a t shirt and enjoyed the feeing of it stretched tight against his pecs. He slung a Louis Vuitton backpack over his shoulders. All he had to do was collect his check and he could be done with this homo magazine. Derek headed towards the doorway connecting the studio space to the rest of the offices. He turned the corner into the hallway, only to immediately crash into someone coming from the opposite direction. Papers went flying.

Derek hesitated, then reluctantly crouched down to help the man pick up his papers. As he did, the man spoke to him in a deep voice “You know, you should really watch where you’re going. People are busy around here.”

This was the remark that set Derek off. It was enough that he had done a photo shoot outside his comfort zone, and ran into someone while he was leaving, but now he was being sassed by some worker who couldn’t slow down enough to watch out for passers. Derek had had enough of this magazine. “You know,” he said, “I’m surprised. I thought you fags would be more excited to slam into other guys.”

Derek could sense the shift in mood immediately. All the workers around him who had been buzzing about immediately stopped and looked at th scene. The office had gone dead silent. As Derek looked around at all the men staring at them, the man he had bumped into finished collecting his papers and stood up, allowing Derek to finally look at him properly. Woah, this was a fine looking man. Strappingly tall and ruggedly handsome. He filled out his expensive-looking three-piece suit perfectly. His whole demeanor was one of absolute confidence. Finally, Derek realized what had happened. He hadn’t bumped into some random employee. He had knocked over and subsequently cussed out the boss of the whole place.

*Well*, Derek said to himself, *I fucked up bad this time*.

The boss was surprisingly well-composed for someone who had just been called a slur, Derek thought. As if to prove this point, the boss suddenly started laughing. It was a good, deep laugh. And when he laughed, everyone else in the building laughed along with him. Derek stared at everyone in the office in confusion. Why did they find this so funny? Was it because he’s their boss? And they were all looking at the boss with such admiration. Derek just hoped this meant the issue would blow over and he could leave before embarrassing himself sooner.

But before he could step away, he was spoken to. “I used to get really angry when people said stuff like that to me,” the boss explained in a rich, inviting voice, “now it just makes me sad, because I see all the failed potential hiding behind that language.”

Derek took a little offense to that last statement, but he knew he was in no position to argue right now. It seemed like the laughter was the all-clear the rest of the office needed to know their boss was okay, because the normal hum of voices and keyboards had returned. Now it was just him and the extremely powerful man he had pissed off. Derek broke the silence. “Look, Mr...”

“Christian Le Maítre” the gorgeous boss informed him, “Editor in Chief of HIMBO magazine. But everyone around here just calls me Mr. M.”

“Right. Well, uh, Mr. M, I’m really sorry about-“

“No you’re not.” Christian cut him off without missing a beat. “I’ve seen so many models like you come and go through these halls. You think you’re hot shit, and take pity on all of my boys in this office who had to take desk jobs because their bodies weren’t nice enough to let them get by on looks alone. But you know, we’re hard workers here. And we’re a close knit family.”

Derek objected to being interrupted, but as Christian talked, he felt his defenses melt away with every word. Mr. M was right, Derek realized. I am a narcissistic asshole who holds myself above others. He had never felt like this before. But everything Mr. M said just seemed right. When this gorgeous, confident man spoke, Derek realized he was speaking the truth.

“What’s your name, son?” Mr. M asked him.

“D-Derek, sir. Derek Hale.” Derek was never one stutter, but how else could he feel right now?

“Well Derek, I’m sure our lame little office doesn’t fit your macho man swagger persona, but I think you’d find that working here is pretty great.”

Was that an offer? Derek didn’t know. He had completely forgotten the context of their conversation, and indeed his reason for being in this office in the first place was slowly becoming a distant memory. All Derek knew in this moment was that he HAD to work at HIMBO. In fact, he couldn’t imagine life without working here.

Derek tried to compose a response, but was increasingly timid in the presence of this incredible man. “Well, uh, Mr. M. Perhaps if you have any opening I might be able to, uh-”

Mr. M just laughed again, and this time Derek laughed right along with him.

“Well I’m shocked to hear you change your tune so quickly, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Working here is kind of a dream job, if I do say so myself. But there’s no need to submit your CV and go through the traditional channels. I am actually prepared to offer you a job on the spot.”

Derek felt his ears burning. How lucky was he! To be offered a job at the best company on earth. He would take it immediately!

“Mr. M, it would be an honor to work for you” Derek bowed his head as he said this. Respect was important, especially for the man who was giving him a job no questions asked.

“Glad to hear it, sport! Now full disclosure, it’s a clerking position. I know, not the most exciting stuff, but here at HIMBO we believe even the most mundane work can be made magical! Of course, you would have to change a few of your behaviors to *best* fit the position. Your ego, your hot-headedness. Do you think those are things good for a clerk to have?”

“No, sir” Derek said with convocation. “Anything you want me to change, I will change.”

Christian cracked a smile, as if Derek had said something unintentionally funny. “Well I admire your commitment. It’s just, clerks are so straight-laced and serious, and you are such a character, Derek. Mr. Macho Man with a great body. Actually, I do like this body.” Christian looked Derek up and down, “I think that can stay. But as for everything else, well, I can take care of that.”

Christian stopped talking and instead just looked at Derek. The hopeful employee stood there silently, unsure of what to do. Just then, he suddenly felt a draining feeling. It wasn’t his muscles or his IQ or any of that stuff that he felt fading away, it was more like he was losing... his personality? All the pride Derek felt over his hot body and great life was disappearing. All the anger he get towards people not like him, slipping away. But it wasn’t replaced by new emotions, it wasn’t replaced by anything. Derek stopped feeling strong feelings about much of anything. He liked his job, he followed the news, but he had never had any opinions of his own. Never tried to be individual or stand out. Derek was becoming like his new favorite flavor of ice cream: vanilla.

As Derek’s personality slowly morphed him into a contender for the World’s Most Dull Man, his wardrobe changed to follow suit. His designer t shirt loosened out a bit. The sleeves grew down his arms before spouting buttons and cuffs. Buttons also sprouted down the middle, and the shirt gained a collar, becoming a basic button-up shirt. A white plaid pattern spread across the shir. At the same time, Derek felt his skinny jeans go “pah” as all the tightness shrugged out of them, changing them into (gag) regular fit pants. They lightened to gray and changed material to thin cotton, becoming work slacks. His new plaid shirt automatically tucked itself into the pants, and a brown leather belt formed around his waist, with his expensive designer sneakers morphing into brown leather dress shoes to match. The LV backpack he wore fell as one of the straps broke off, before disappearing altogether. The remaining strap lengthened and slung itself over his shoulder, and the bag itself shifted into a basic messenger bag, holding plenty of important documents and paperwork.

For a brief moment, Derek felt confusion and fear. Why were these changes happening to him? Where did his nice stuff go, and what were these boring-ass clothes replacing them? These thoughts only lasted for half a second, before Derek realized how right this was. This was his style, or more accurately his *lack* of style. Derek had never cared about trends, or getting fancy new clothes. As long as they fit him well and looked professional enough for work, that was all that mattered in Derek’s eyes. A Ross Membership Card popped into his wallet to cement this change.

Derek felt something in his pocket, and pulled out a pair of black-rimmed glasses. These were the glasses he needed to see, of course. Derek opened them up and put them on. To follow suit, his hair parted itself to the side and became thick with gel holding his new professional haircut in place.

As promised, Christian had left Derek his body, but had taken basically everything else from him. Where there had once stood an arrogant, trendy mode, there was now a walking turtleneck. Normally in cases like this, Derek would sprout new memories of his new life. But no memories came, because Derek didn’t really *have* a life. He was now a total office drone. From 9-5 he worked faithfully for HIMBO, and after that he went home and solved jigsaw puzzles until it was time for bed... except on the nights where Mr. M invited Derek to his house. Derek truly wanted nothing more from life.

Christian smiled at the new corporate boy that stood before him. “Okay I think you’ve handled the onboarding process well, Dirk. Dirk, isn’t it?”

“Yes sir.” Dirk replied matter of factly. Dirk Kent. Filing clerk for HIMBO magazine.

“Great! But there’s actually one more thing I need from you. I’m still a little raw about that comment of yours earlier, and I would hate for it to taint our working relationship with each other, so allow me to bury this hatchet.”

Christian snapped his fingers, and Dirk felt his impressive manhood shrink, and shrink, and shrink, until he heard a “pop!” sound and knew that it was no more. Poor Dirk was smooth as could be in his private areas. But he didn’t mind: being unable to orgasm helped him focus on his work. And besides, if Mr. M needed help Dirk still had two perfectly serviceable holes on him.

Christian laughed again, eliciting another laugh from Dirk. “Dirk, pal, I don’t think I have ever been happier with one of my new hires. But you know, I do seal my deals with a kiss.”

“Why thank you sir!” Dirk replied with enthusiasm, as he allowed Christian to walk over, turn up his chin, and plant a kiss on his lips. And it was the greatest kiss Dirk had ever felt. Indeed, it was the only kiss he had ever felt, but as far as kisses go it was still pretty spectacular. As Dirk stood there with his lips pressed against those of his incredivle boss, he knew there was nothing more he would want from life.

As they parted, Derek looked hopefully up at his boss “Where should I start with my work, sir?” He lived to work.

Christian smiled again. “I’ll film you in on that in a minute, but let me take you to your desk. You’ll be down in the accounting department. In fact, I think you’ll be desk neighbors with our other new hire Bartholomew! You’ll love him. A total nerd but a sweet kid regardless.” Without warning, Christian turned and walked down the hall. He didn’t need to say anything. Dirk instinctively followed him, just as he instinctively obeyed every command Mr. M gave him. Life was easier that way.

#gaytf #gay #officetf #suittf #tyler hoechlin #suit #slick hair #derek hale #teen wolf tf #nerd derek #nerd Derek hale

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daantaat · 3 years ago

Text

twu s2 thoughts even though nobody asked <3 just a brain dump and it’s quite long so I tried to separate my commentary by categories but it’s still a mess unfortunately. Spoilers under the cut!

General

Overall, I enjoyed season 1 more than season 2. I’ve watched season 2 three times now, and I do think it had some good parts that I definitely overlooked during my first watch (probably because I was preoccupied with Charlotte x Shona 😶😅). My initial reaction to this season was like ‘hmm so that happened and I’m not sure what to think’ but then I rewatched it and tbh I think my complaints are mostly to do with the time jump between seasons and the pacing...

Like yeah there’s only so much to touch on in six 25-minute episodes but!!! I finished the season wanting a bit more, because I thought that some of the things that were introduced were either not explained fully/well or they just dropped off completely and didn’t really have an effect other than me asking questions after the season was over, like it felt as though there were missing scenes— more on that later (though maybe they will be addressed in season 3??? If there is one? How soon do shows get renewed? Idk). Though I guess the audience does have to do some interpretation of their own but still... Idk! Idk. And the assumption that certain events/plot points mentioned in a character’s dialogue would be enough for context had me kinda “:///” y’know? Like don’t tell me, show me?? I’d like the full course please!!

Charlotte x Shona (+ Vish I guess)

I think it was really jarring to see their relationship grow from colleague/business partners to friends and then finally to something more in season 1 only to see them awkwardly handle their unresolved feelings in the workplace with nothing to show for their actual relationship besides a mention of “a week-long gay safari” + the brief flashes of a sex scene that was intermingled with Shona and Vish’s cyber sex session, which in itself is 😐😐😐 like yes it shows that Shona still thinks about/fancies Charlotte in some capacity, but if I were to choose between that sex fantasy/flashback or a flashback of Charlotte and Shona together (like Charlotte telling Shona she was falling for her!!!!)... I think I’d choose the latter? I was just disappointed that we didn’t really get to see Charlotte and Shona being all cute and romantic with each other this season :(

ALSO I wished we got to see more of jealous!Shona; I was super hyped to see that since that scene was included in the trailer. It was nice to see her want the best for Charlotte because she’s “great” but the jealousy part of knowing Charlotte is dating someone great got settled pretty quickly and instead we got Shona evaluating her commitment to Vish and considering the idea of having kids after learning she has a womb of a 39-year-old (😐) and it felt.... like a lot!! It was definitely different from season 1 Shona (”I actually don’t want kids” “I genuinely, I genuinely don’t, you know, it’s not a big deal. Just never have” in 1x04) but if this was to show her dealing with comphet or internalized homophobia or just simply running away from her feelings then... idk what to think of it! I really don’t. I think this is where things could have been written differently because using an affair with Charlotte like that (an affair that we didn’t even get to see besides the stolen kisses at the finance event) was so... ugh, I’m suffering here

Anyway, I think their office scenes were definitely highlights of the season, like Indira and Sharon really gave those scenes their all!! Even though it hurts to see Charlotte so heartbroken and Shona running away from her feelings and hurting Charlotte in the process, I live for the angst lol. I will say though, the 180 that happened after their convo outside Charlotte’s office was a bit “🤔” considering Charlotte had talked to her therapist about Shona for 4 months. Like one hungover feeling dump from Shona and they can move on? Hmm communication is connection, huh. And I guess they were just excited that the article got good results? But how cute that they got each other gifts of their picture in the article??? Wtffff I love my “unfunny and obvious” gal pals even though I’m in pain

As for the voice note... omg, so many questions. Like did Charlotte try to reach out to Shona after she abruptly ended their call to check if she sent the voice note to Vish?? Was that gonna be the first time Charlotte heard Shona say “I love you” to her? What was the reason Shona said “I love you” anyway??? Is she, you know 👀 Also do y’all think Vish will listen to the entire voice note since it was clear it was meant for Charlotte? And who knows maybe Vish’s phone died and he can’t turn it back on or check his WhatsApp or whatever. I’m in denial lmao. But also I think he's a pretty good guy, like when he sent biscuits over to the house when Shona wanted some and him saying what’s the point of having fun in New York when she's not there with him... :/ but he was also a bit weird about her putting a nail in a wall or leaving out the egg duck or whatever as a display item in their house though I suppose that’s not a huge problem so like idk man idk!!! I'm just saying season 3 better not have a time jump I need to see what happens and not just in exposition

Shona and Aine

Love them :) I wish they had more scenes together (if that's possible??) but I liked the somewhat change in dynamic seeing Aine a bit worried about Shona (asking her if she’s okay when she mentions she’s thinking of getting a fringe lmao and again asking if she’s okay when they’re unpacking in Vish’s house). And of course Shona is still very protective and worrisome but seeing Aine just miserably lounging around her apartment over the weekend and getting in her bike accident after Shona wasn’t too supportive of her and James’s business idea made me so sad :( like Shona was so shitty about her not typing up everything in the notes for the meeting! And not even reading James's CV... big yikes. Anyway I thought it was odd that we didn’t get a follow up on the voice note Aine left Shona after getting into the bike accident... like she sounded soooo shaky and out of it :((( what luck Shona was sick and didn’t see Aine with a missing tooth before she got it fixed

Anyhow, Aine was right when she said Shona needs to talk to her and talk about her feelings more!! AND this is part of where my complaint about the pacing and the missing scenes comes into play! I think we should have seen Aine and Shona fighting about Shona’s affair and leaving Vish the voice note. The audience knows Aine cares about Vish and I’m not entirely sure where her relationship with Charlotte stands since Charlotte told Freddie about her being in rehab (on the assumption that he knew, as Aine’s ex-boyfriend) but!!! Just cutting to them on the floor waiting for Vish’s flight to land was not as hard hitting as it could have been

Aine x Bradley (+ Richard)

OKAYYY. Cute!!! I definitely overlooked the signs during my first watch here but yeah they were definitely there during my rewatch(es)!! I quite liked seeing Bradley try to get Aine to stop talking negatively about herself and just try to treat herself better in general like exercising and actually eating off of a plate :’) and the comparisons between Bradley and Richard have me like 👀📝 Bradley saying he likes how much Aine talks vs. Richard’s friend Mark saying she talks a lot and how he wasn’t expecting a whole show to which Richard replies he thought that at first too but she “calms down” like brooo... alright. Anyway Bradley going with her to Tom’s funeral/service made sense since he actually met Tom (though Aine did vaguely talk about him and his drinking problem to Richard in 1x05) and the fact that she told Bradley about PACT and her time there but she didn’t tell Richard (to be fair she was thinking about telling him) hmm 👀 Also Bradley saying “Sometimes it would just be nice to be with someone you could just relax with as yourself” yeah I’m on board with them

Loneliness, COVID, Communication is Connection

Initially I thought these themes could have come across a little stronger but after rewatching... hmm. Yes, Shona was lonely in the house by herself; she even asked Anil to stay for dinner, had her own “pile of shit” boyfriend on her bed (which she did clear off), and told Vish that nobody had time for her. Also after the business meeting she asked Aine what she was doing during the weekend (which Aine also spent alone anyway), but I dunno... oh yeah her hen/bachelorette party was a bit lonely since places were starting to go into lockdown and not everybody could attend, but I think the COVID element entered a bit too late into this season? I’m not sure it really added much in terms of the loneliness. Maybe it did add to the uncertainty of things though

“Communication is Connection” was there but I thought it kind of fell flat as well, but maybe that was the intention— to highlight the mess that a lack of communication can cause? Shona apparently writing off Charlotte’s feelings and them not necessarily talking about their relationship/feelings until their convo outside Charlotte’s office... Shona talking to Seema saying she’s never really asked what Vish wanted (regarding kids) and Seema saying that’s a convo for her and Vish to have... Aine not telling Richard she overheard him and Mark talking about her... Richard not consulting Aine about telling Etienne about them and just getting a new tutor for him... hmm. What does it mean. What does it all mean

Other stuff I’m still thinking about/have questions about

Shona mentioning it’s “annoying” how Aine talks like she’s the only person to ever get sad in episode 1 but still telling Aine she’s fine and then in episode 6 Shona saying she only has two emotions or whatever so she doesn’t need to talk to Aine about her feelings as much -____- istg we need to get Shona to talk to a therapist in season 3!!!

I also liked that Shona, Aine, and Eileen talked more. I’m still a little disappointed that the fact Eileen leaving Shona for three months when she was a baby was not mentioned at all. Yeah it was a secret but when Eileen said “well, you should never lie. You’ll always get caught out.” I— HELLO? If anything, that secret seeing daylight could have had something to do with Shona's sadness + loneliness this season. Also could you imagine that becoming a fear of Shona’s, like what if she doesn’t want kids because she’s afraid of doing the same thing to hers if she has any??

Jim asking Charlotte if she’s straight and Shona immediately going “what does that have to do with anything” or something like that and apologizing to Charlotte after Jim left— I’m not sure how I should have read that??? Did Shona mention to Jim that Charlotte is a lesbian?? When he started to ask, he was still looking at Shona (yeah I’m reading too much into this I know)

Marcia figuring out that Aine and Richard were seeing each other (after he touched her hand on his way out to get a taxi)— what was the purpose? Other than Marcia obviously feeling bad for Etienne, whom I assume she sees as a son of her own (based on the Mom Instinct™ snooping when she was doing housekeeping + her convo with Aine when he came back from France). She didn’t talk to either Aine or Richard about it, just told Aine to have a good time when they were leaving the house to go to their “separate” events. I guess it wasn't her place to say anything, but hm. Speaking of Etienne, it was obvious he had a schoolboy crush on Aine (or at least he was vying for her attention) in season 1 and it’s really too bad we didn’t get to see his reaction to suddenly getting a new tutor or dealing with Aine and Richard’s relationship other than him looking at them hugging while the new tutor was teaching him. He deserved some more screen time this season :(

Hmm so that was all very incoherent but if you made it this far thank youuu <3 here are some last silly comments:

Absolutely loved Julie!! I want to know what she knows about Charlotte and Shona 👀 girl give me the scoop on the last 4 months at the office

Super sad we didn’t get to see Charlotte’s cat (I’m always gonna be vocal about this 🗣🗣🗣) or know who her new girlfriend was but at the very least we were introduced to one of the most important side characters of all: Charlotte’s stompy boots <33333 she really wore those around the office with a blazer/blouse/leather skirt! We love that lesbian attire

#aka me: grasping for straws #also hulu changed the description for episode 6. interesting #this way up spoilers #this way up #spoilers #my post #k.txt #this is so long i'm sorry

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chayacat · 4 years ago

Text

Devil’s Sweet Star (25)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut

***

Trust. When you are in a relationship, with friends or family, trust is the essential thing to make everything go well, in addition to fidelity for the case of a couple. When you trust someone, you tell them about your fears, your doubts, your suspicions, everything you want to talk about and you know that the person we're talking to, help us or keep it all to him. In the context of work, trust is also important! It’s above all the centerpiece of a good company. A company where all employees have trust in each other and their bosses is a good company, whatever it is.

Sometimes trust is put to the test. Some succeed and see their success rewarded by a stronger friendship, a more united couple, more close-knit colleagues. Others fail and see everything they have earned so far crumble. But trust can unfortunately also be a weapon of manipulation. How many people in this world have betrayed other people in the name of their personal interests? Far too much, unfortunately. Making someone believe that they can trust you, to betray them better afterwards is one of the most horrible things that can happen. Because then you don't trust others anymore, you see bad people everywhere and believing someone is almost impossible.

But sometimes... Fear surpasses reason and trust. When something bad happens to you... something horrible, you're afraid of the judgment of others. Because sometimes even your closest friends, who you can trust the most can hurt you. You are afraid of the reaction of your soul mate because even if you know him for years, you never know how he will take what you will tell him. And in your case.... It's very complicated.

For several days now, you've been making the hundred steps in your head. Stressed, worried, even terrified of the reaction that Jed might have if you ever tell him that Ghostface.... almost stole your virginity. What would he think of you? Would he blame you? Would he be heartbroken that you didn't tell him about it before? you've been in a relationship for a short time, but still... Jed is a lovely boy whose character you don't know. He doesn't seem like the type to get upset but beware, the quieter ones are usually the most dangerous. And when they explode... it's better not to stand next to them.

“What do I do? What can I do? And most of all, what am I going to do if he takes it badly?? I don't want to destroy such a young relationship... I never want that to happen anyway! but... if Jed took it badly.... I wouldn't know what to do. Or say.” You said to yourself, terrified to see Jed leave you and never talk to you again.

“Uh... Excuse me miss... I'm here to do the job interview. I'm not late?”

You raise your head to face a young woman, who was holding papers in her hands. Since you posted your job offer, several people have contacted you to get the job. You have juggled several CVs and cover letters and have retained only 6 of them. For two places. It was very hard to choose from all these people... they all had interesting CVs, but you couldn't keep them all. the coffee is not very big after all.

“Not at all, you arrive right on time! Please sit down.” you said to the young girl before taking her papers gently. “Amy... I saw in your CV that you had done a lot of studies in sales as well as an apprenticeship in pastry. I also saw that you had worked a little in the sale. You know, this café is new, and it's a lifelong project. I want to go as far as possible with this coffee and be able to entrust it to someone trustworthy. You understand?”

“Of course! Don't worry, if you recruit me, I promise to make sure that my work is only beneficial to your coffee! I promise to ensure a service worthy of your establishment and to respect the rules and practices that you apply.” respond Amy, a little stressed, looking at his hands from time to time.

“Ha ha you can relax don't worry! I'm not going to eat you! I'm a very nice person, believe me.”

“Sorry... It's just that... my former boss fired me because I didn't follow the rules when it was all the opposite! He said I was an idiot and an incompetent...”

“Well, I'll never tell you that. You're here to learn, and I know you're going to make mistakes. But it doesn't matter! It's by learning from one's failures that one becomes better. And if that doesn't work out, you can always tell me about it. I will never demean an employee.” you replied with a smile.

You both continue to talk for a little while and then Amy left the café smiling, relieved that her job interview finally went well. An hour later, it is the turn of another person, a young man to pass his interview. Compared to Amy, he'd already work in a café, as a waiter. He found himself unemployed because the café in question had closed by judicial liquidation. He had had a hard time finding work in this domain because in his area, coffees were scarce, there were mostly bars. That was one of the reasons why he came to live here. He really wanted to work here but would understand if you took someone else. He used to it now.

But you reassure him by telling him to not lose hope. That he always ends up finding a job even if it's not in what he knows. He gave you a slight smile while rubbing the back of the skull and then, like Amy, he left the café after an hour. You stretch while blowing a good shot before you get up to serve yourself a fresh fruit juice. As you begin to serve yourself, lost in your thoughts, you startle slightly when you feel two hands taking you by the waist. Then a slight laugh that you would recognize between a thousand. You turn to do that Jed who was always so adorable with his eyes and angelic smile.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you... You look exhausted. Did these interviews go well?” He asks, dropping a quick kiss and getting you closer to him.

“It went very well even. I've already talked to each of them, and their profile is interesting, it's going to be very difficult to choose.” you respond, kissing him back.

“I know you're going to make it. You don't have to feel guilty about those you can't take. You have to think you can't hire a lot of people right now. But later who knows you can expand? You know what I'd do? I'll keep the CVs of everyone you refuse. Maybe you'll never know you'll have more jobs to fill in the future?”

“I think that's what I'm going to do! Thank you very much Jed. What about you? Do you get along with Wilhelm?” you replied, laughing a little.

“Well, if I'm still here and I'm not in jail... we can say that we can get along with both of us. But believe me sometimes I would like to be sick, to not see him all day ... Are you sure you're, okay? You really don't look good. Do you want to talk about it?” He said, worried about your sad face.

Is this really a good time to talk about it? That's the question. One day or another, he will know. And the later he finds out, the more he'll be mad at you. That's what you think anyway. But if you tell him now... he might take it badly too. Tears began to flow down your face. Jed took you against him, reassuring you as best he could. He exuded a reassuring aura, in his arms, nothing could happen to you. You felt it. He would protect you to death if he had to. You can trust him.

“I am here. Tell me what's wrong, my love. Something bad happened?” asks Jed.

“You promise you won't get mad?” you said, worried.

“I promise.”

“The other night.... Ghostface came to see me... again. He spoke to me... he absolutely wants to make me his... his accomplice. And then he... he pinned me against the wall. he undressed me and he almost... he almost...” you said before crying, hiding your face in your hands, shameful of what almost happened.

“Hey...look at me.” he simply said.

You raise your head to look at him straight in the eye. But it's not anger or anything else that you see on his face... but sweetness.

“You should have told me sooner. I could have done something to protect you. Maybe I could have faced him. If you trust me, then you must tell me when things aren't going well. All right? Never forget that I'd always be there for you.” He said softly, kissing your forehead.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” you said drying your tears.

“You know what? Tonight, you're sleeping at home. I'm not leaving you alone with this sick man again. We're going to have an evening just between the two of us and no one else. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you, is that clear? No one. You've finished your interviews, so we can go do whatever you want, relax. You don't have to think about that. You must be strong, show him that you are not afraid and that you will never be afraid of him.”

You smile at him before kissing him and snuggling up in his arms. You could tell if it was luck or that it was predicted, but you are happy to have met him. Few men, like him, react in this way. But what you don't see my dear... it's the smirk, even unhealthy smile of "Jed" spreading on his face. If only you knew my little... If only you know. But even if you ever find out... It'll be too late. You are completely trapped in his web, and he will never let you escape. Never.

You both leave the café, after your usual surveillance ritual of course, and you spend the rest of the day together. First you go to a bookstore, in order to expand your library. And we can say that you did not take 3 small books ... but a good dozen. You'll be busy with all that for quite a while. Jed had done the same, especially detective novels. You also take the opportunity to buy CDs. And surprisingly, Jed listens to rock. Looking at him, you didn't think he'd listen to this style of music, you expected jazz. Maybe he's listening to it too! But imagining Jed at a rock concert is pretty funny in itself.

Then you do some shopping for tonight's meal: salmon pavement with rice, and a sauce... to fall to the ground. And whipped strawberries for dessert. A good meal in perspective with the one you love. You both go back to Jed's apartment, even if before you go to your apartment to deposit your purchases. Then you go back to Jed's and start preparing everything.

“I didn't know you were listening to rock. I thought you were more... Jazz or whatever.” you said with a smile.

“Well, when I was in college... rock has often allowed me to escape a little. I felt safe, cut off from the outside world when I needed it. I also listened to jazz but... rock helped me a lot. Carla also thought it was weird that I listened to it. It's true that when I see myself... we don't think about that kind of music at all.” Respond Jed, cooking the salmon and rice.

“You are a man full of surprise... I like that. You need help?”

“I just need you to take care of cooking the rice while I take care of the sauce, you'll see... you won't move from your chair. And you should wash the strawberries, too. Put them in a bowl filled with water and leave them in, I have cups in this closet.”

You take care of the rice and strawberries, then set the table. Once everything is ready, you spend the evening laughing and chatting while eating. It was good for you. You needed a little breath. And with Jed, you feel like you'll always have them. Even though the evening was cut off for a while by Jed's job, everything went very well and you both end up on the couch watching a movie... pretty dumb.

“Why in this kind of movie, girls are big fools who get killed by the murderer? frankly they can't put strong women for once?” you said, crossing your arms.

“These were the movies of the time, where the real hero is the bad guy and or the first to die is either the stupid girl or the shy little geek...unfortunately.” Respond Jed with a little laugh.

“But I know that if we were in this kind of situation... You'd protect me. And that for once, the little nerd would be the hero.”

“Beware that the little nerd doesn't eat you raw. If you know what I mean.”

You hit Jed's arm, which laughed before kissing you. Then as the film progresses you feel tiredness invading you. Little by little, your eyes closed. You feel two arms lift you and carry you to bed. You open your eyes slightly to see Jed change. You also change, pricking one of his t-shirts to make pyjamas for the night. Then he comes to bed and takes you in his arms.

“Tell me you always sleep in a boxer or do you still have something a little warmer for cold nights?” you ask with a small voice.

“Well... as long as it's not autumn, yes. Then I have what it takes when the cold weather arrives. But if you live with me... then being able to hold me against you all nights will always warm me up.” He answers with a smile.

“How adorable. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about... You know what. I was really scared...”

“Forget it. But from now on, you'll have to warn me when things aren't going well. Good night, my angel.”

On these beautiful words, you both fall asleep, each in the arms of the other. That aura of protection that Jed exuded reassured you, soothed you. But if you knew that your dear boyfriend was also the murderer of Roseville... That from the beginning you have dated your potential executioner ... You'd be scared.

And the trust you place in him will fly away. But it's too late now.

You can't go back. You're stuck with the devil.

By your own will.

***

(Well at least I made it right on time! As I said in the last chapter, from May 5th to May 7th, I'll not be there. So Chapter 26 will be released on Friday, May 14th! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others! I will now rest my brain. Have a great weekend to you all! See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

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innermoonlight-bhe · 4 years ago

Text

Me, again, on Destiel. Please read.

I’ve been having problems all this month. And while I was self-exploring the reasons of my uneasiness, I tracked it back to 15x18. When I first watched the episode I had lots of unresolved feelings. I felt happy and at the same time really distressed. After waiting for two week for the end of Supernatural I thought those feelings would disappear but they just kept on getting stronger. I began feeling stressed and, this last two weeks, feelings just empty. I had no desire to do anythings, like I was lost. Yesterday I realized why and got me sad and mad at the same time. I don’t want to take a lot of time writing this but there are too many emotions and rational thoughts that don’t let me sleep at night.

This is why I want to divide this text into two parts:The first one being the queerbating debate on internet. This includes the normalization of heterosexual relationships, audiences, plots and writing, marketing and advertising, and other things that have to do with t.v. industry. In specific, the rare case of CW and its treatment of the whole Supernatural family. In the second part I would like to focus on my personal experience, which I’m sure is same to most people who were left all alone in this Destiel world of disappointment. This last one you can decide to ignore or share with me. The one that i’m most interested is that you read the first part, even though it can seem a little out of context, since I’ll be referring to another tv shows of the CW.

FIRST PART THEN OF THE DESTIEL OPINION:When I was left so sad after the queerbaiting I began watching a famous soup opera aka telenovela, called Yo soy Betty, la fea. It’s famous worldwide and I felt it like a comfort home after all the Destiel drama. It made me happy because the story plot is only one: the heterosexual couple that falls in love. Of course I’m reducing this too much, but the point is that yesterday, after I finished watching it, I realized that even though the main couple had problems at the end the audience knew they would’ve ended together. It did happen, in the anti-last episode, same as in supernatural and the Cas confession. The two further episodes centered on the happy conclusion on the story. There are clear points to establish:

Point 1: Supernatural was born as a serious mainly centered on two heterosexual man traveling all along a country hunting monsters while looking for a father. Meanwhile a classic telenovela centers on a love couple who fight against everythings to be together; in this case it’s establish since the beginning and no one will except anything else.

Point 2: Meanwhile telenovela’s audiences are destined to be woman, wanting to follow the classic love story; Supernatural was being male focused actually did excepted woman but also men watchers. Supernatural had a largest specter of viewers.

Point 3: Telenovelas are not willing to change the story for the audiences desires. They work with practical and classic formulas that rarely will fail. There’s no necessity to receive a feedback to complete. Supernatural and tv series, on the other hand, actually need the feedback from the viewers because on it depends their permanency on the screen.

Supernatural needed to keep their viewers high so the show could continue. I’m gonna leave the classic telenovela out for a moment. It’s important settling this differences to approximate myself to the basic point of my madness: how unethical is the queerbaiting.The public opinion changes, and The CW having clear this is very know to keep in touch with fans wishes and needs. In the case of Jane the Virgin, a barely combination of the telenovela classic plot but in a tv series way, had a big “change” with one of their main characters: Petra. Her connection with the main character, Jane, was noted and wanted by many of the viewers. But the show’s creator knew that main plot (point 1)was a girl who accidentally gets pregnant and eventually falls in love with the love of her life, Rafael. So the show writers wouldn’t just change this main plot in order to make a couple happen, so instead they gave the public what they wanted by making Petra bisexual and introducing a perfect girl for her, also called Jane, to deliver the wish of fans. This relationship worked purely and on its on. The reactions with Petra bisexuality were low, and they took care of it as if it was something normal and not anything that needed satanizing. No one could be expected to freak, not even Petra’s twins. Even though the first seasons Petra only had male relationships. This is a good thing that The CW did, but they didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart: they did it for views and for the audience (point 2). Jane the virgin was also planned to have female audiences and to treat serious social issues respecting sexuality and love. This is why it didn’t came as a surprise.

Then why did Destiel couldn’t happen? Because the CV is homophobic? Probably there’s some of this in it, but the reality it’s they weren’t giving up on the part of the audience that is actually homophobic, or that at least won’t feel comfortable watching a heterosexual character discover himself as bi. The thing of the audiences is important because the “ambiguity” in which Cas’ confession was treated worked perfectly for them: it gave exactly the sufficient enough to keep us happy, meaning while keeping the perfect amount of “friendship”. So anyone can take whatever they want for the story. By this part I understand why they wanted to deal with this confession in an ambiguous way: to please everybody. But why did they wanted to please everybody? It wasn’t out of kindness of their heart, it was for views.The whole queerbaiting debate has being on the tables for a long time but we also ignore the unethical implications on it. It has been used by many contemporary media, to hint at something that the producers are not expecting to happen any time. And even though, they keep on teasing us. This is highly unethical because the reason behind them is the accumulation of money. Supernatural survived because of Destiel. I resisted myself to say this because I had respect for the series until I stopped watching around season 10. The story and plots were doom, repetitive and boring at times. We keep watching for the emotions caused by the supernatural family. Not only Destiel but Sam and all of the characters. The original plot explained in the point 1 was lost and blurred, we were far away from that premise and that was why the finale episode feel just bad.

The show had chances to grow without losing the origina plot but also confronting change and accept that sometimes, things must pass and you have to move. Destiel was an important support of the show, the views and year after year renovation of the series. Pointing at the queerbaiting has lost its meaning if we forgot why they do it, why they keep on doing this even though it makes us feel bad. This affects the shows work in perspective because it changes the plot and natural progression of the story. For the queerbaiting, they have scenes that are forgotten next episodes like they never happened. I’m a literature student and the first thing they say to us is that a scene, even a word, should be taken so seriously that it actually work on the long road of the story. In Destiel we have beautiful, all heart breaking scenes of Cas and Dean being romantic, closed, just in love. The Dean’s confession were he admitted to the priest he wanted to experience new things, the Castiel’s love confession, and others are an example of how this scenes have a space in the show but are still isolated from the original story. They don’t play a part in the bigger image. That’s why we don’t see Dean talk to Sam about Cas, this is why they are so many Destiel plots left unsolved. I have a small memory of an old lady assuring Dean that he’s in love, even though we haven’t seen in a long time a female in Dean’s life (Dean, who the first four seasons flirted with e v e r y woman he met. Because producers and writers can let this scenes happen as long as it doesn’t change the main characters. Even, they are willing to let us think that Cas could be bi but Dean isn’t, by not having him say anything after Cas says I love you. And to be honest, we didn’t except much.

We knew that we were clowning and it’s not like we excepted a love making scene from those two. We raised our expectations after 15x18 and not after. A lot of us were waiting on the finale to bring joy even though we never actually imagined it would go canon. 15x18 lifted expectations very few had and that lots, myself for instance, returned to watch after hearing Destiel was semi-canon. It brought back feelings, I got to rewatch supernatural to enter the atmosphere once again... So it was perfect for the CW. On one hand, the biggest queerbaiting on history gave them back for 15x19 and 15x20 all the fandom they had lost for the previous queerbaiting and tiredness of waiting. And also, they keep the antis and the homophobe watching. It was perfectly staged and nothing else was expecting. Something similar happen with Jane the virgin. With the death of Michael (I rather shipped more Jane with Michael) a lot of fans stopped watching. This was planned since the beginning and they actually gave us a fake death and then the real one. I actually stopped watching one season of Jane the virgin after his death because I was devastated, even though since the beginning everything pointed at Jane ending up with Rafael. Her connection with Michael was lovely and pure love. But after killing him off they wrote the relationship of Jafael so perfectly, not rushed or anything: it developed in a way that her relationship with Michael was intact but finished by death. It was a hard punch but at the end we ended up to accept her relationship with Rafael because of the clear progression between the characters. But, at the end of the series, at the last season they decided it was good idea to bring Michael back from the death and have her chose Rafael, after all of the progress It took for her to forget Michael. The changed her and all of the perspective of love changed for the show. It made thing that soul mates don’t exist, that all the love Jane felt for Michael disappear after having a whole season of her suffering for her lost, after she wrote her first book for him. It would’ve been so much better for the story if Michael stayed death.

So the things is it’s not only queerbaiting on homosexual couples, but the whole idea that they need to have a huge audiences watching their last seasons. I returned to watch Jane the virgin excepting for Michael. This awful thing they do. Just for views and gain of capital bothers me and its what makes me angry. In the case of Supernatural it’s also a topic of homophobia and the fear that the homophobia of a few will ruin the views of series finales. An as I considere the unethical implications is why I would love to have them apologize to us. It’s like a person promising the stars and stopping you to move on, while they know nothing will happen. They use us as numbers to gain money and attention. The decision that I and a lot of people took to unfollow all of The CW accounts is no radical. It’s a little if we take into account all of the money they made from the unethical queerbaiting. It causes me a lot of anger and actually feel like a I need an apology because I felt used and dirty. This is the fault of the industry and the CW has a fame of doing so.

PART 2:

This will be little in comparison. Now I want to get to the sad sentimental part. I felt all empty because four years ago that I stopped watching I also stopped talking to the love of my life. Hearing about Destiel had me going back to moments. I even desired to talk to him again to tell him that I wasn’t all wrong. Destiel wasn’t platonic or an illusion. it has clearly staged to makes us think it could happen. It’s not the story of an angel who falls for a human, that gives everything up for him, that loves him. After his confession is the story of unrequited love. Dean never says it back and it’s a feeling that a lot of people have suffered. To love someone and not having them saying them back, of the relationship that never ends but at the end it’s one of the most important. This one I talked about I never dated, I never kissed, but he’s the man i’ve loved the most in my life. Having Castiel saying I love you and never receiving anything back, giving his life and no one saving him, it’s just heartbreaking for all of us who have constantly giving everything without expecting anything in return. At the same time it’s the story of a a couple that never happens but that should have. The same reflexion as always: if it were heterosexual it would’ve happen long time ago. But it also happens in real life, that if time alined, if things were in other way relationships would’ve happen with people in our lives.I had a lot of more feelings for Destiel, but that would be for another time. Right now I just realized why made me, personally, feed angry and sad. I realized I was a Cas to someone else. I realized I was used by a network. The queerbaiting actually has psychology repercussion on us, and it’s something they fail to understand. Accepting that I was affected by a tv show took me a hard time. I didn’t know how to explain to others why this had me absence for week, I thought I was ridiculous and week. I felt bad but know I realized I’m not wrong. It’s not my fault but it’s years of messing with out feelings on purpose. Some day i’ll write an essay on this. I have to much to say but I end it with this:

The media manipulates our emotions and doesn’t take any responsibility whatsoever.

Don’t trust the media.

(Sorry for the bad english, I’m mexican. But at least Destiel is canon in my language).

#destiel #queerbaiting #the cw #jane the virgin #jafael #petra #supernatural #deancas #15x18 #supernaturalfinale #betty la fea #destielcanon #curdueva #Petramos #supernaturalending #theysilencedthem #they silenced us

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tfalockhart · 4 years ago

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[Review] Rouge et Noir: Under the Gun & Second Barrel

CV: Kawamura Masato

There are a million things that I want to say about this rare piece of gem in the wonders of the world of r18 otome, but the biggest thought I had upon first finishing this CD was actually… Context, it’s all about the context. A good story is what makes the difference between “audio drama with mature content” versus just some hard smut – of course I’m not saying that smut is not welcome; smut is very much welcome, otherwise why am I even here in the first place – but you know what I mean. Out of all the drama CDs I’ve listened to, the Rouge et Noir series put by far the most elaborate and well-done effort into providing the context, and its long-lasting popularity is a testament to its success.

#rouge et noir #makabe ryo #kawamura masato #yamanaka masahiro #otome #r18 otome #drama cd #drama cd review #seiyuu #rouge et noir: under the gun #rouge et noir: second barrel #*

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nordic-language-love · 4 years ago

Photo

Norwegian

Read 3x articles

Watched 2x Kveldsnytt broadcasts

Watched 5x Stjernestøv episodes

Watched 1x Superhundene episode

Watched 1x Nytt På Nytt episode

1x Yoga Med Tore video

Listened to 1x Norskpodden podcast

Written task about language learning

Wrote 4x journal entries

Wrote 429 words of fiction

italki session

Speaking practice: talked about learning languages, my boyfriend, books and daily life

Japanese

JFZ lesson 2 + lesson 3 videos

Practised writing sentences

Character drills

Duolingo: Hiragana 1-4, Katakana 2&3, Time 1, Counting, Checkpoint 2

Norwegian

At the start of this week, everything felt difficult and like I’d gone backwards. I struggled to understand TV, I didn’t feel like I managed well in my italki session and in general I was just really conscious of the gaps in my understanding and fluency. I noticed things picked up as the week went on though. It could be mental health related - the first half of the week I was in a really bad and dark place, but by Thursday evening I was starting to feel better.

I watched both Superhundene and Nytt På Nytt without subtitles this week (I found them distracting so I turned them off), and it’s quite interesting to compare how much I understand of one versus the other. Superhundene I understood pretty much every word, whereas Nytt På Nytt I understood the main points, but certainly not everything.

I’ve been watching Stjernestøv too. Gotta be honest, it’s got nothing on Snøfall. But I’m hoping it’ll pick up. I might rewatch some of the other julekalender shows as well.

I also tried doing a yoga video for the first time. I’ve never been a big fan of yoga, but doing it in Norwegian helped me focus on it because hey, listening practice. And in the end it was dynamic enough to keep me engaged. I might even try another one this week :o I’ve also found some other workout videos in Norwegian so I might give those a go. Shaking up my workout routine might be exactly what I need to get me back into it.

Favourite moment: Managing to multitask while watching Superhundene

Goals for this week:

Exercises from Mysteriet om Nils

Write ~500 words of fiction

Written task

Prepare for italki session

Chat with Amanda (hopefully if she has time!)

Japanese

As with Norwegian, I found things hard at the start of the week, but then started to pick up again later on. I do feel like my progress is slowing down and I’m struggling to learn and remember new vocabulary though. I need to consolidate things, but I also want to move on to more interesting things so that I can create more meaningful sentences to help me learn vocabulary (because I need more context than “this is soap” or “that is a window” for me to learn those words).

Favourite moment: Finally remembering the kanji for ‘bird’ (small wins, folks)

Goals for this week:

Finish JFZ lesson 3

Learn family-based vocabulary

Complete Family skill on Duolingo

Productivity Grid

Amazed I managed much at all really this week, given my mental health reached lows it’s not reached in years. My boyfriend’s also been working really hard so I’ve been a bit “on hand to help out” this weekend, so I didn’t manage to get much exercise in, waah.

BUT BUT BUT... I finally finished my CV and applied for some jobs! I might edit it a bit further before I send it off for more positions. Fingers crossed I can get a placement in Japan. Apparently it’s difficult atm due to covid - Japan and South Korea in particular are super popular destinations for ESL teachers right now because the covid response in those places has been great. Whereas in South America and Europe it’s been... poor, shall we say. Plus Europe’s hiring teachers from within their own countries due to reduced travel, which means English native speakers have fewer opportunities there anyway. So there’s been a massive increase in applicants for Asian countries.

Still, at least I can say I tried. And if I don’t get it this time, I’ll try again (or accept I might have to work in China or Taiwan or maybe a European country rather than Japan).

Goals for this week:

Workout videos (in Norwegian)

Bake tasty treats (maybe gingerbread?)

Read 100+ pages of my book

Submit more job applications

#progress report #langblr #norwegian langblr #japanese langblr #learning languages #language blog #languages

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sevenfactorial · 4 years ago

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Info about applying to PhD programs in pure math

This is... basically what it sounds like. I’m sure a lot of this is applicable to other PhD applications but I’m only very familiar with pure math. This is aimed at current seniors about to apply, but there is a section about prepping for applications in advance.

The highlights:

Recommendation letters are the most important thing. Most schools ask for 3ish. Try to get people who know you well, not just a student in the class. Someone you've conducted research with and one from a different institution are ideal if possible

Ask for rec letters at least a month before the due date is a good rule of thumb.

Research experience is probably the second most important.

Get the opinion of multiple professors who know you in order to build a list of potential schools. Then widdle it down to your will-actually-apply list (probably 8-14 ish).

My opinion but please apply to at least 3-4 safety/match schools. Even when you're fully qualified, acceptance rates are simply low enough that a bit of bad luck means getting rejected or waitlisted from a few of them.

Most pure math due dates are in early-mid Dec but a few schools are in Nov and some are as late as mid-Jan.

Schools will generally have their own graduate application portals. Some are better organized than others. Some require you to submit all your material before you can send a request for submitting rec letters so plan accordingly.

Acceptance letters will very slowly start going out in mid-Feb but the vast majority of programs won't send out anything until like, March and not be done until later than that. Accordingly, wait until at least mid-March to begin freaking out if you haven't been accepted anywhere.

You should 100% be expecting a tuition waiver and stipend from a program if you're applying for a PhD.

The rest of the posts is.... ridiculously long so I’m putting it under a cut. I mention things to do in advance to help you decide if grad school is right for you and things that make your application look good, give a full time line of the process, a list of things applications commonly ask for, and some miscellaneous notes. (The points above are repeated in more detail).

In addition, some links to other resources math students may appreciate:

an old post of mine about grad school apps (overlaps a lot and features some ranting from during the application process)

about REUs including my addition specifically about math ones

summer programs for undergrads that aren’t REUs by @counter-example and @jungleuniversity

Tips for prospective grad student visits

Also about prospective grad student visits by @thisurlhasbeenleftasanexercise

Also for context, I went to a large state school in the US for undergrad. I started as a CS major and added on math as a secondary major after my first year and dropped CS during third year. I’m primarily interested in discrete and algebra, though I have a significant topology background from undergrad too. I got most of my advice from people around the department, as I became pretty involved during my third year. Now, I’m a first year grad student at another large state school in the US, generally considered pretty decent though not a “top math program” at all. Not that much else has happened so far.

Things in advance (aka things to help you decide if grad school is for you and things that look good on an application)

Take the standard classes. For pure math, this is at least one semester of linear alg, abstract alg, and analysis each. Linear and analysis are also good for applied math but I'm not sure what else if anything is considered standard.

Take some grad classes if you have the option. Most people are not ready for this until senior year, but some do manage as juniors. Talk to people who know you well and the prof teaching the class before you do this though.

Try to get involved with research whether this is through independent studies at your home institution, REUs, internships, or other stuff.

Be involved in your department. This helps with getting you more personalized advice for applying.

The rough suggested timeline (assuming junior yr is your second to last year and senior is your last of undergrad)

Junior April: Take the math subject GRE so you can take it again in Sep or Oct if desired (perhaps not applicable atm). The general can be taken kinda whenever; I suggest fall of senior year.

Junior April/May: Start talking to professors/post docs/mentors/etc. about programs you may be interested in. Write/type it down. Don't worry if it gets long, you will shorten again later.

Summer: Do some research if possible; an REU or research at your institution (if an REU, also get your mentor's opinion on potential schools towards the end as well)

Senior Sep: Start whittling down your list. 8-14 seems to be the "normal" range of schools to apply to but some people panic and do more. Remember that asking for waivers is completely acceptable but applying is still just generally expensive (I spent around $800 for 10 schools)

Senior Sep: Apply for the NSF GRFP. You can apply as an undergrad senior and once during your first or second year of grad school if you didn't already get it. The due date is in mid-late OC but ideally you'll have a draft of your essays and ask for rec letters by the end of Sep, if not earlier.

Senior early Nov: Ask for rec letters if you haven't already. The rule of thumb is a month before the due date. Provide them a list of schools you want to apply to including due date and where/how to submit as soon as possible (as well as anything else they request of course; many ask for a resume and a draft of your personal statement).

Senior Dec-Jan: Submit stuff! Pure math programs typically have deadlines in Dec or early Jan. I think the big days are Dec 10th, Dec 15th, and Jan 15th but some are earlier or later. (applied math masters tend to be earlier I think; in Nov). I suggest putting them all into a list or calendar. In addition, some schools won't let letter writers submit until all of your stuff is submitted so start applications early, even if you don't finish them immediately.

Senior Feb: Programs will slowly start sending out offers in early Feb and pick up in mid Feb, but don't fret until AT LEAST the beginning of March! Grad programs are just way too slow at getting out offers for it to be worth worrying until then (and even then, it's definitely not time to panic but mathematicians are frequently anxious people so I get it). Waitlists are slower to come out; usually starting in early March. Also note, there are many programs that don't actually send out replies to everyone unfortunately.

Senior late Feb-early April: prospective student days! They might be online in 2021 unfortunately but try to attend whatever form they're in if you can (only one of my visits during spring 2020 was online since the others happen to be very early and safely beat covid in the US). Be warned, it's very possible to get offers of admissions and to visit very last minute. I do not have advice for how to make that less stressful.

Senior April 15th: Common reply deadline. If you got your offer in the first round or two, this is probably your deadline to accept. In addition, this means more offers will likely come out shortly after once more people have declined.

Senior summer: graduate. Send a completed, official transcript to your new institution. Check your new email account for stuff you're suppose to do. Some programs have some sort of program during the summer for in-coming students. Most places have graduate student training of some sort for a week or two before semester starts.

Some common things to be asked for in applications

Not actually a thing asked for but many graduate schools have their own portal for which you will have to make an account to submit an application. A few use a common system that kinda sort shares a database of accounts? Some are fine and some massively suck.

Personal Statement/Statement of Purpose: Occasionally called something else and once in a while actually separate things; will usually have a prompt of wildly differing specificity. Sometimes, the prompts come from the department itself and sometimes from the university's graduate school. I suggest having one or two "base" essays then tweaking them for each school. Sometimes a word/page limit is specified but if it's not, around 2 pages/1000 words is pretty reasonable.

Transcript. Some accept unofficial but some require official but generally not an unsealed one. I ordered myself one official transcript and sent it to multiple schools instead of paying for them to be sent to each school during the application process.

Resume or CV: Most ask for either a CV or is fine with either, in which case I give them my CV. I sent more or less the same one everywhere.

Some other notes

Yes, ask for application waivers. Just be polite about it.

Your goals for your essays are primarily to show that you're interested in math and math research and are capable of like…. writing things that make sense

Do not start out an essay with either "I loved math since I was little" or "I actually didn't like math when I was young" or any variations of those. (I had one essay that started with a mildly humourous anecdote from undergrad combinatorics and another that talked about how my undergrad department has greatly affected me).

You should 100% expect to get a tuition waiver and living stipend as part of a TA fellowship (or more rarely, an research fellowship) as part of your offer of acceptance for a math PhD program (pure or applied). Health insurance is also frequently part of the package. This is not true of masters programs unfortunately.

How schools do waitlists depend wildly though most don't have super long ones like prestigious undergrads do. If you're still interested in a place you're waitlisted at, follow their instructions to confirm your placement on the waitlist then wait until April before following up again, expressing your continued interest and asking for an update. You might even want to wait until around the common deadline, April 15th. The number of people who declined before April is just really really low so nothing really happens until then.

#grad school applications #math grad school applications #math phd applications #math grad school application tips #math grad school application advise #seriously not qualified beyond i managed to do it #but hey it's good to have more people's advice for cross referencing!#seven stories #long post #grad school #god

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tiffdawg · 4 years ago

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Which of Your Fics

Tagged by my wife @leo-moon and my love @murdermewithbooks

Did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

I feel like I have nothing to complain about in terms of “readership” because I never expected anyone to read anything. But I suppose the light of stars. i think it does a bit better on ao3 but overall it’s probably my least read fic on tumblr and yet the one i love the most.

Got a better reaction than you expected?

Honestly? All of curriculum vitae. I expected exactly one person to read that hella niche academic indulgence fic and that person was me.

Is your funniest?

full sabacc. What was I on when I came up with playing strip poker with a Mandalorian because I need to get to that state of mind again???

Is your darkest/angstiest?

I’m weak when it comes to angst but the light of stars really got away from me. chapter seven is probably the angstiest of the angst. At least... up until now.

Is your absolute favorite?

It’s hard to pic between my multichapter fics. tlos and cv have a lot of my heart and soul in them so I’m going to call it a tie.

Is your least favorite?

Probably my two semi-connected frankie fics. Not because I don’t love him but they just don’t seem like anything special special.

Was the easiest to write?

I think keep quiet was the easiest simply because paz vizsla has a grand total of like three lines and a minute of screen time so I got to take “creative liberties” to a whole new level.

Was the hardest to write?

Right now, the next chapter of tlos. It takes a lot of time for me to write each chapter because there’s just... a lot going on. lol. And I’m busy, unfortunately. But this fic really has my heart. Here’s a little out of context sneak peak for anyone who actually read all of this:

“To be fair,” you offered over your shoulder as you walked into your small bunkroom, “Paz called me an idiot too.”

Din froze. “He told you his name?”

“Yeah.” You said it almost lightly, but Din knew you understood the brevity of the act and a slight edge undercut your words. He could see it in the way you teased your bottom lip between your teeth.

Has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph? (share it)

cv chapter twelve. It’s probably my favorite (so far) and has a couple of exchanges between javier and our professor!reader that just make me so happy. narrowly beating out the part when he deals with her shitty landlord is when he finally finds out about the ~tenure drama~

“It doesn’t matter now,” you started, “But they told me there wasn’t enough money in the budget for me. Except that couldn’t have been true because…”

“They hired me,” he finished for you. “They’re paying my salary with–” He sat up, leaning his weight on one elbow, so that he could look at you. “Fuck–” he spat as he realized what that meant. Suddenly, it all made sense. Everything made sense. “Fuck. No wonder you hated me.”

“I shouldn’t have,” you rushed to assure him. “None of that was your fault. You didn’t even know–”

“No. No, baby.” His head fell to your chest as his heart broke for you. He couldn’t even imagine what that would feel like for you. You. You poured your heart and soul into your work and cared about your students more than anyone else at that university. “No.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” he said flatly, his voice muffled as he spoke into your body. He lifted his head and locked his gaze onto yours. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“I would’ve understood,” he said firmly, begging you to believe him. To trust him.

I just.. I love them.

Have you re-read the most?

I always have to reread cv and tlos to remember wtf is happening but I’ll admit I like to reread two halves when I wanna feel soft. It’s like a warm hug for me. I really love that one.

Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

At the risk of sounding repetitive, cv! Starting with the prologue of course.

Are you most proud of?

tlos chapter nine: curiosity. It’s not often I compliment myself but I’m just so happy with the way I developed both the plot and characters.

No Pressure Tags: @huliabitch @unstoppableforcce @forever-rogue @generaldamneron (I’m not sure who’s done this so forgive me!)

#tag game

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maiikawriter · 4 years ago

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I loved your gochi fic! Have you ever thought about writing a prequel or one shot of what happened when chichi filed? Or even goku reaction or feeling about it? I think it would be so interesting to see.

I’m assuming you mean Scattered Pictures? (I’ve actually written quite a few gochi fics but this sounds like filing for divorce is what you’re referring to). In that case, thank you first of all! Second, I have not exactly thought about it in this context, but I’ve rewritten this story as an original novel and in regards to that version, I am working on finishing this coming month for Nanowrimo the companion story as my second self-published novel. This one will be the story from the male POV and therefore will reveal a lot of the feelings and thoughts he has regarding what they’ve gone through. If you’re interested, it’ll be available on Amazon under the name CV Maiika

#asks #anon ask #gochi #gochi FanFiction #my writing #self published novel #CV Maiika

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superlinguo · 5 years ago

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Linguistics Jobs: Interview with a Learning Scientist

Language lessons with Duolingo and other language learning apps can sometimes go so well that you can forget that there are people who make them happen. One of those people is Cindy Blanco, a Learning Scientist at Duolingo. You can follow her on Twitter (@YeahThatCindy) or just think fondly of her and the team next time you enjoy a good lesson in Duolingo. Anyone for some Welsh? High Valyrian? Hawaiian? Swahili? How many languages do I have time to start right now? Here’s Cindy with what it means to be a Learning Scientist.

What did you study at university?

I majored in linguistics at UNC-Greensboro, which had a linguistics program at the time. I was already majoring in English and Spanish, with a minor in Russian, but since the language departments were focused on literature, it was a while before I learned what linguistics was. I was obsessed with capital-L Language and with languages, but I was shaping up to be a pretty bad literature student - I would get so consumed with words and usage and differences in language across periods and regions that I couldn't focus on the actual reading! I still remember taking a class called "The Structure of English," which was a covert intro to linguistics, and by the end of the first day I realized, "THIS! This is what I am: a linguist."

I later began a PhD program in Spanish Linguistics at Penn State, and in a moment of panic over a life in academia, I stopped after the MA and took some time off. I taught Spanish full time, worked as an instructional designer, and translated as an administrative assistant for a law clinic in Texas. Even though I was never far from languages and linguistics, I wanted to keep learning about linguistics and language science. I returned to graduate school when the opportunity arose to work in labs focused on child language and psycholinguistics. My dissertation was on speech perception in bilingual children and adults, and I graduated with my PhD in Linguistics from the University of Texas at Austin in 2016. After the PhD, I conducted research as a postdoc in cognitive psychology at Northwestern University.

What is your job?

At Duolingo, I work as a learning scientist. It's taken me a while to grow into this title, because in academia I identified as a language scientist - but part of transitioning to industry has involved learning to talk about my skill set in an applied setting. None of my degrees say "learning" so it didn't feel right to call myself a learning scientist... but 8 years of experimental research on language learning definitely do make me an expert in my favorite kind of learning!

I think I have the best position at Duolingo: my job is to inform product development in linguistically- and pedagogically-sound ways to improve learning outcomes for language students worldwide. I work very closely with some of my product teams; with others, I'm more of an on-call consultant to answer questions, give feedback, and brainstorm new approaches. I work with teams of engineers, designers, and product managers to find creative, effective technological solutions to the puzzle of language learning. There is no typical day, but in any given week, I will brainstorm prototypes of new products, manage teams of freelance language experts and translators, lead workshops on language acquisition, and develop guidelines for new lesson types. I also conduct user experience interviews (translation: qualitative research) and research on learning outcomes. I'm also really interested in building more direct links between the work I'm doing now and the academic community, so I regularly attend conferences, I co-organize Duolingo's colloquium series, and I am working to build partnerships locally in Pittsburgh.

How does your linguistics training help you in your job?

I use my training every day, in every meeting, and I love that I can still be both researcher and instructor. I've designed research studies, written up reports, and presented my findings to experts and non-experts alike. I'm using the principles that I learned in classes on second language acquisition, speech perception, and psycholinguistics to inform new, better ways to teach languages. Right now I'm even preparing a company-wide workshop on phonetics and L2 phonology! I've honed so many new skills at Duolingo, and that has been really fun and rewarding, but here I'm a linguist through and through. I even hold linguistics office hours, where my colleagues can drop by to ask me linguistics questions, related to our work or otherwise. I've recently chatted with coworkers about grammatical gender, Proto-Indo-European, and the regularization of verb paradigms!

I was recently in a situation where I was helping a team brainstorm new ways to teach grammar. We knew we wanted to improve learning outcomes for a particular topic related to verb conjugations, and so I briefed the team on how the particular grammatical feature works, how it varies cross-linguistically, and some of the main challenges for learning it. I then worked with a designer to look at what our options were for creating new exercises and what the technological challenges would be for implementation. I also worked with a product manager to think about how we could scale different solutions across a huge number of language courses and language types, and what kind of guidance we would have to give to the language experts who create content for all those different languages (that's not me!). In these contexts, I have to think like a linguist, and when I do my job well I'm also teaching others about linguistics, and hopefully creating a new way for learners to engage with their new language.

Do you have any advice do you wish someone had given to you about linguistics/careers/university?

I wish I had been encouraged to think broadly and creatively! Languages and linguistics show up in more places than college classrooms, and the skills I built as a graduate student, researcher, and instructor do translate outside of academia. Really, they do!

I was a Duolingo learner for years before I realized it was a place I could make a contribution. It was just an app I used for fun, and it seemed so far from what my PhD research was about that I didn't consider myself a good fit. And it's true, I no longer plead with bilingual preschoolers to categorize my carefully-created allophones in timed tasks, but my whole job is thinking about how to capitalize on a learner's language background to help them learn a new language given limited time and resources. THAT is a problem I was trained to think through. My research and interests have moved in a new direction for sure, but what tenure-track professor's research interests don't also evolve over time? I'm learning and thinking through new problems, and applying familiar concepts to new domains, and that's what drew me to linguistics to begin with.

The best piece of advice I ever got was from another grad student who, reflecting on her own struggles in academic job markets, told me to get a summer internship before I finished the PhD. Internships are easier to get when you're a student, and having one on your CV (or resume) shows a potential employer that you know how to be successful in industry. I'm good at being a linguist, but I'm much newer to collaborating with people from very different fields (and not different like linguistics and psychology are different - I mean different different). I interned at a small start-up for two summers, and that's where I began learning that how you talk about your trade and your ideas to non-expert colleagues is at least as important as what your ideas are in the first place.

Any other thoughts or comments?

I kept returning to the academic path even after time away (and the occasional existential crisis) because I was really worried that I wouldn't feel challenged, engaged, or fulfilled in industry. Even when grad school and research was hard, I loved learning, and I had a good deal of autonomy in what I studied and how. I thought I'd have to give all that up.

That hasn't been my experience at all! And as a learning scientist I'm making a contribution to language learning on a scale I had never before imagined. I get to work on lots of projects, I have a lot of agency in the work I do, and I work with smart, talented people who know about things I'd never thought about. They are my collaborators now, and I have so much to learn from them. They are curious and capable, and they push me to think more, and think better, every day. They're helping me become a new kind of linguist.

Recently:

Interview with an Internet Linguist

Interview with a Lexicographer

Interview with a School Linguist

Interview with a Journalist

Interview with a PR Consultant

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