#for being cis and het

[salmon404]

I think the issue with having way too many guy friends as a kid is that I know have way too many trans women/femme friends now.

[jasperyourmutt]

I love being a FREAK OF NATURE. i love being a QUEER. i love being a FAGGOT. i love being a SEX FREAK. i love being a DOG FAG. i love being TRANSGENDER. i love being SO NORMAL <333333

[pickled-flowers]

Ok so a while back I had a conversation with my friend's aunt. She's a trans woman well into her 50, who has kids and grandkids, and she came out when she was in her 40's. Me and my friends were talking about our queer space, and mentioned the well known "token cishet man"

Now, I'm sure most of us have that guy in our friend group, and it was common for us to just call him the straight guy. But my friend's aunt offered a different perspective ; she once was that token cishet man in a queer group of friends. Getting categorized so strongly as "the cis straight guy" made it harder for her to come out and accept herself. Since that talk with her, I've been careful about it, and guess what? Two women I've once called "the straightest person I know" (different occasions, and it was high school) now have girlfriends! You literally cannot know if someone is queer, and honestly most people are not the straight cisest person out there.

Anyways I'm not very articulate and English is not my friend but like I think everyone would benefit from being a little more careful about the way we treat our "token straight guy", she might be thankful later!

[weallpartyatybcpatricksfuneral]

"girls support girls-" okay but are you normal about queer women? are you normal about BIWOC? are you normal about disabled women? are you normal about autistic women? are you normal about fat women? alternative women? unattractive women? are you normal about women who choose not to shave their legs and armpits and faces? are you normal about butches and tomboys and masculine women? are you normal about trans women? are you normal about trans men? are you normal about nonbinary folk and people who lie outside the gender binary or renounce gender all together? are you normal about women who absolutely despise and detest the latest trends? are you normal about weird women who unsettle you with their interests? are you normal about women who don't wear makeup, who will never wear makeup, who openly dislike makeup and the makeup industry?

[rotteneldritchhorror]

watching the like normie and subby rafe-girlies react to him being tied up on the boat is so funny to me

its fully him tied up by the wrists like he's been in that exact position before and the captions "omg daddy <3 on my knees for him", its so silly, i love it lol

[toastedtitaniumalloy]

Vent about being ace~~

Being a hopeless romantic who is also on the asexual spectrum is exhausting! For some reason, people hear the term "asexual" and assume that you don't want any type of intimacy, but that is not true at all! Yes, some people on the ace spectrum may not desire it, but we are all different and unique individuals. Just talk to us!?

I want to be held, kissed, and do cute things together while also having arguments like an old married couple! I crave intimacy in ways that are difficult to explain; I do not want it to be solely seen as a pathway to sex. I enjoy being affectionate and cuddly, but I have yet to find a partner who can appreciate that without also expecting sex from me or pressuring me to be sexual. While I understand that sex is tthe bee's knees or whatever, it is not something I desire. I do not want to be sexualised!!

Sex is like sprinkles on a sundae; it may be great for those who enjoy it, but it is not essential for a delightful dessert! A sundae consists of many other components that contribute to its overall deliciousness, and sprinkles are simply an added bonus. It is perfectly acceptable to enjoy sprinkles; do not let anyone make you feel ashamed for liking them. However, they are not my preference, and it seems that many individuals believe that they are necessary for a sundae to truly be a sundae.

No matter what societal norms say, sex is not required for a relationship to be "real".

Sex does not define a relationship! ALSO, pressuring someone into engaging in sexual activities is hurtful. Even if you are not explicitly pressuring them, it is unkind to act offended or inconvenienced when someone who has clearly stated their lack of interest in sex establishes their boundaries.

And just because someone identifyies as being "on the asexual spectrum" rather than strictly "asexual" does not indicate an openness to engaging in sexual activities in the future. It simply means that we fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum!!!

Ugh!!!!!!

[uncanny-tranny]

Part of me wants to empathize with the cishet man who is afraid to even appear gay. I think what the cishet man often fears by being seen as queer in dress, in mannerism, in taste, in speech, is that he fears his manhood will be stripped away, his humanity questioned. It's uncomfortable to think. It's uncomfortable to feel, and when you often don't face that for who you are, it feels even more biting. It feels like you have been stripped of a comfort you have had for decades, for your whole life, in one fell swoop.

It's certainly rooted in queerphobia, sure, but as a trans man? I would be lying by omission if I pretended like my own manhood wasn't questioned daily because of who I am, if I pretended like I haven't face violence for my manhood. I would be lying if I pretended like it's perfectly safe every time when people suspect I am queer (not even trans, but "just" queer).

[aloeverawrites]

The patriarchy says men can’t relate to women.

It says that you always have to put other men first, always.

Your wife is a nag, your sister is a bother and an annoyance, your daughter is a burden. When he says “women am I right?” about your family members, you’re supposed to nod and laugh along with him. Ally alongside a stranger over the women you’ve known for years because women, am I right? You’re both men. By the grace of his gender he understands you more then a family member ever could.

You can’t be interested in girly stuff, heaven forbid teenage girl stuff. You like bands until teenage girls are into them and then they’re posers and name the songs because get out of my space don’t you know we can’t be in the same space?? I can’t be like you. I can make horrible jokes about you, demean you, generally look down on you but I can’t be like you. That’s the sin.

Stay away from chick flicks, pink, anything that women have left their painted glittery fingerprints on. If your friend hands you her purse stand there with the most uncomfortable expression and make sure to project put upon expressions at every man on the vicinity so he knows you’re suffering.

Always make sure you’re acceptable to your male friends and male coworkers, they are your priority your social currency. And a woman trying to be your friend is just a pick me, the only reason a woman is trying to be around a man is so he might date her. They just want male approval. Those poor things. They want to be one of the boys. Because no girl can like beer and sports. Anyway move, can’t you see Saturdays are for the boys, we’re going to the man cave, the sanctuary from all the women, no girls allowed sign on the door. You look at your friend to see if he approves. He does, good.

You want to stop drinking but that’s how you bond with your men. Your statues is from being able to handle your liquor, being able to hurt yourself just enough that you’ve proven your manliness. You thought about going vegan but they’d make fun of you. Hurting other things is a part of it as well. You have to be the strongest one.

And men, if you like women. If you like hanging around your female friends, or your mom (you mamas boy) or your sister you’re a sissy. If you value women, care about their opinions or give advice on their hair or listen to their debates about the right dress, well you’re gay.

That’s the only explanation for caring about a woman.

You’re not a real man because to be a man is to be absent of anything “woman”. Men are from mars women are from Venus and we are completely, completely separate species and not the same one put down two paths of blue and pink.

There are so, so many differences between men and women there are too many to count I can’t even get into it and it’s not the fact that one calls themselves men and one calls themselves women. No thats… there has to be more than that.

And we hate the people who change from men and women because what do you mean the line is that thin. That there are “female” traits waiting in my dna, that we are the same species after all and our similarities are waiting in my bones.

Because then what keeps me from everything we joke about with her. All the violence of being a woman… that’s not me that’s not because I did everything right because I did all the man things and I followed all the rules. And the men and god forbid the girls who were secretly among us all the time, the gays ones the girlish ones well yeah we treated them like women. They didn’t follow the rules. It’s easy to be a woman but god please don’t treat me like one.

Because being a man is a set of rules of expectations lest you be thrown out but it’s also a biological fact, and you’ll always be one but ban estrogen because that could change.

We joke with our friends we perform correctly and at the end of the day it’s still that woman is human and it’s in your bones. Half of your worlds your cultures you try to keep yourself uninfected by it sneaks up your mind and into your heart disgusting. You’ve sunken your nails into your arm as though you can pull it out out your skin and when you lift them off, the lines they left on your skin they’re pink. No, no wait they’re darker you’re safe.

But when you look into your mirror and you look into your eyes.

Damn it.

You really shouldn’t have cried.

[m0tel6mxzzy]

the day bpd stops being treated as synonymous with “evil woman i find manipulative” disorder is the day i die happy. no wonder i was so scared to consider i had it until i realized my diagnosis when that’s how the media portrays women with it when trying to portray them as criminal, villainous, or guilty. idk when ill stop being angry about it.

[lostryu]

like sure say what u want about 'allies' doing their best, but i will never forget the time that i said "thats homophobic" as a joke when i dropped a pen; and my white cis/het coworker got so upset that she went to the manager because apparently she felt stricken by it and got into her head that i was somehow calling her homophobic. and like. the manager literally spent over 15 minutes talking to me about how i should be more careful and that some people are uncomfortable and think that im calling them homophobes.

[invinciblerodent]

you made me laugh very hard thinking about max volume BASS-BOOSTED CARELESS WHISPER, thank you for that. please say more about this thorne i'm besotted

Aah, thank you kindly! ❤️ (watch me proceed to rant for about an hour about him lol)

As a quick summary, Tristan Thorne was born in Ferelden in roughly 9:13, in a village (that's more of a homestead rather than a true settlement) near Lothering- aaaand then promptly (kind of, sort of) died on the battlefield of Ostagar in defending his home when he was just 17 years old. Except luckily, he survived his injuries just long enough for the battle to settle, and curious spirits (Compassion, Courage, Hope, Loss, and others) to take notice, and begin pressing against the Veil.

It was a spirit of Purpose who was drawn to the dying boy's sheer determination to keep drawing breath, and touched his mind, saving his life in the process (through what some might consider a deal, though that opens up some unfortunate lines of discussion)(it's not a demon, I swear! .... maybe!) to allow the spirit to come and experience our world through his eyes.

Wandering the wilderness, dazed and disoriented and with the Blight in his veins (and a spirit invisible to all others riding piggyback), he was found an uncertain amount of time later (could have been days, weeks, or months even) by the arriving Orlesian Wardens somewhere near the Wilds, and was promptly recruited, as they thought him on death's door.

Tristan then took the Joining with remarkable ease (a curiosity the Wardens also noticed- really, it was almost as if the draught had no effect? But that's impossible, that could only happen if the sickly boy was somehow already a Warden without even knowing? He must just have remarkable constitution)(could it have had something to do with the curious herbal mixture he got from a local lady to calm his nerves the night before the battle? who knows), and fell naturally in line with the Warden teachings.

Fast forward roughly 22 years, he is now 39-40 years old, doesn't talk much about his life before beyond calling Ferelden his home, and is a decently respected Senior Warden with a secret not many have ever known of, on top of a bristly, brusque attitude that makes him difficult to get to know, and a propensity to head single-mindedly towards any goal (and flout rules in the process), as if drawn on a string.

He's also not great with people, has not had a relationship since that one time in his teens (in part because he's not sure how it all is supposed to work, but he's fairly sure you can't exactly open with "by the way, I'm kind of not sure if I'm even really alive" and have a romance start from there, or keep something like that a secret long), has quite a few scars that chronicle many blows that would have felled any fully mortal man (and many more tattoos that tell of the same), and likes to do embroidery in his spare time- by his claim to keep his fingers' fine motor skills from deteriorating, but also because of his secret affection for pretty things.

...... In a more meta sense, I made him because I wanted to toy with an undead/necromancer dynamic before release (and before learning about Spite, I thought possession would be a unique way of doing that- egg on my face lol), so Tristan is not exactly an abomination. Not really.

Nor is he a zombie in the traditional sense, or wholly separate from-, or even truly fused with Purpose, like we've seen among the companions before.

I think he... sits kind of in the eye of a three-way Venn diagram between Wynne, Cole, and Anders: he's someone kept alive partly by a spirit who is not just influencing the world from across the Veil and is fully present, but also isn't trying to exert control of the host body, OR a person of its own right, and rather acts more as a silent, approving passenger. They're not the same person or completely separate, and they're not in the same place, but also not apart. If that makes any sense.

I like to think that since Tristan and Purpose are very closely aligned in their goals and temperaments (and have been together longer than Tristan has lived on his own before, which gave them time to grow to trust one another), the separation between them is pretty much nonexistent- you can't draw a line of demarcation between them any more than you could separate yourself from your right hand.

This makes it somewhat difficult to tell whether they even have an impact on each other, whether it's him who was made more bullheaded by his connection with Purpose, if it was Purpose made more humane and compassionate by its decades in the world of the living, or if they just found each other by chance and ended up meshing and merging perfectly without much of a need for a conscious compromise.

I liked the idea of this remarkably close synergy between mortal and spirit being fascinating to Emmrich, and prompting a thorough study (both arcane and medical) of Tristan, which would sort of then turn into a more.... personal interest as well.

I've not yet gotten far past the prologue in that game yet, but I think it'll be very fun after finishing my very Emotionally And Conventionally Intelligent Ingellvar to explore this lonely, self-reliant, gruff man, and playing through his little gay crisis as he gets swept up by Emmrich's charm embarrassingly quickly.

It'll be really nice to roleplay as he discovers the Magic of Friendship, slowly becomes the third single dad of the group (only his children are basically everyone except for Emmrich and Davrin), and finally lose his v-card before he'd literally become the 40-year-old virgin.

.... i also found this after making that post, and it has been making me giggle for the past day- it sounds like you're outside his head and listening in to the sound escaping through Tristan's ear:

[vampirebiter]

once again thinking about that one drunk french man on the anchorage bus that tried to hit on me by telling me he liked my pink hair and that pink was a very important color to him because of his mother with breast cancer. and when i said no to giving him my number he winked at me and said "its ok. we will meet again." we did not meet again.

[i-love-dopamine]

guy and summer from the Minecraft books are in a qpr i said so

[pa-pa-plasma]

look i'm gonna say it. some relationships are not queer, & that's okay. you don't have to cling to the idea that it's only okay if you can somehow make it queer. it's okay to be in a cishet relationship. the type of relationship doesn't make you less queer & it doesn't make cishet people inherently like. evil or something. chill out

[sketchmatters]

man i hate twitter. if i didnt need a social media presence for art, i would delete it immediately. g@m3rz are pissing me off

[threadrunner]

there are absolutely trans men who are 100% men with no hesitation or wiggle room and thats great but im kind of in a position where if a lesbian looked at me and saw a butch I wouldn’t entirely argue with them?