#for awhile i just hated it on principle like younger me just thought it was stupid and had no real purpose

[energeticpoltergeist]

Part 1: Mad King's War

Prologue: Diverged History(pages 11-16)

[longitudinalwaveme]

Playing With Fire

The Flash stars in: Playing with Fire  

Dramatis Personae

Wally West, the energetic and cheerful third Flash

Iris Allen, a charismatic reporter, the wife of Barry Allen, and the aunt of Wally

Heat Wave, alias Mick Rory, a dim witted and surprisingly friendly pyromaniac

The Pied Piper, alias Hartley Rathaway, a Robin Hood-esque thief

Mirror Master I, alias Sam Scudder, a melodramatic thief and talented inventor

Script

Act I

(Iris is onstage, writing. Enter Wally)

Wally: Hi, Aunt Iris!

Iris: (Looks up from her paper) Hi, Wally! What’s up?

Wally: I was just dropping by to see my favorite aunt.

Iris: Well, it’s nice to see you. How’s my favorite nephew?

Wally: Aunt Iris, I’m your only nephew.

Iris: So? Can’t you be both? (Wally nods)

Wally: I’m doing great! How are you?

Iris: Wonderful! You see, I’m writing this terrific exposé on corruption in the mayor’s office, and my editor really thinks it could win me an award-maybe even a Pulitzer!

Wally: Wow, Aunt Iris, that’s awesome! The award, I mean, not that there’s corruption in the mayor’s office. I always knew you’d be world-famous someday!

Iris: In speaking of world famous, is there anything new on the superhero front?

Wally: Surprisingly, no. I haven’t heard anything from any of the Rogues for more than a month. It’s kind of nice to have a break, honestly.

Iris: I’m sure Linda and the kids appreciate it, too.

Wally: Yeah, it’s been great! It’s always nice to have more time to spend with them, especially since, with my speed, we’ve been able to tour half of Europe’s museums.

Iris: I never thought of you as a culture buff.

Wally: You don’t know everything about me! I mean, part of my charm comes from my air of exotic mystery! (Iris laughs)

Iris: The tour was Linda’s idea.

Wally: (Sighs) Yeah, it was her idea. How did you know?

Iris: Because you’re a terrible liar. Seriously, “my air of exotic mystery”? The only thing remotely mysterious about you is how you thought that that would be a convincing story.

Wally: All right, you’ve got me there. (Pause) But museums are so boring! Nothing ever changes, and everyone moves so slowly! In the time it takes Linda to look at one statue, the kids and I could  speed through the museum a hundred times, but we aren’t allowed to! It’s like watching sports, only a thousand times worse! It’s just too slow!

Iris: Everything is too slow for you, Wally.

Wally: I can’t help it! I’m a speedster!

Iris: So are Barry and Jay, and I’ve never heard them complain about museums. I don’t think this is a speedster problem. I think this is a Wally problem.

Wally: Because I’m impatient?

Iris: Well, yes, but also because you got your speed much younger than Jay and Barry did. Your uncle thinks that because of that, your powers had a greater effect on your body and your mind than it did on theirs-and that your kids will probably be even more affected than you are because their powers are natural.

Wally: Oh, joy. I’ll never be able to deal with two mes on steroids for fifteen years!

Iris: Look, if I was able to deal with a ten-year-old you with no powers, you should definitely be able to deal with your kids. You’ll be fine.

Wally: If you say so, Aunt Iris.

Iris: I do. If you can save the world, you can do this.

Wally: I think saving the world is easier.

Iris: So, what are Linda and the kids up to now?

Wally: They’re at the library. Linda’s been taking Jai and Irey to Storytime for about a year now, and they seem to like it. The only complaint I’ve heard is that they enter and leave the library way too quickly, but given their powers, that might be unavoidable, at least for awhile.

Iris: I’m glad your kids like the library. Bart avoids it like everyone in it has the plague.

Wally: Even with all the great comic books there?

Iris: Yes. He just seems to hate books on principle. He says that he has trouble processing words because his eyes move too fast for him to fully comprehend what he’s seeing. Did you ever experience that?

Wally: All the time! It was lucky that I liked to read books before I got my powers, because otherwise I’d probably never have opened a book again. Speedster brains work so much faster than average that if we don’t focus, it’s basically impossible to read anything, and since he was in the Speed Force for such a long time, Bart probably never learned how to focus. If you want him to read more, you’ll have to teach him how to focus first.

Iris: Could I employ your help on that?

Wally: Of course! Who do you think taught my kids how to focus?

Iris: Thanks, Wally. Barry’s been trying to help him, but Barry loves to read, and, like I said, he got his powers in his twenties. His brain chemistry isn’t as altered by his powers as Bart’s brain chemistry is by his.

Wally: Hey, no problem. What else are favorite nephews for?

Iris: In your case? Comedic relief.

Wally: Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week!

Iris: (Laughs) Never change, Wally. Never change.

Wally: I’m not planning to, Aunt Iris. (Pause) Hey, are you hungry?

Iris: No, but I’d imagine that you are. Do you want to get a mid morning snack?

Wally: Aunt Iris, you read my mind. Let’s go eat!

(Exit Both)

Act II

(Pied Piper is onstage, playing an instrument. Enter Mirror Master and Heat Wave)

Heat Wave: (To Mirror Master) See, Scudder? I told you he’d be here!

Mirror Master: (To Heat Wave) How did you manage to find him? Even the Flash can’t find him when he doesn’t want to be found!

Heat Wave:  It ain’t really that hard, Sam. Our little buddy over there’s a bleeding heart, so when he ain’t with us and ain’t  in jail, he’s almost always on or near Baker Street.

Mirror Master: What does the Piper want with Skid Row?

Heat Wave: Where’s Skid Row? I just told you that this is Baker Street!

Mirror Master: (Sighs) It’s a figure of speech, Mick. “Skid Row” is just a term for a rundown, dirt-poor neighborhood like this one. Why would the Piper come here?

Heat Wave: Because it’s rundown and poor. Don’t you know that Piper gives everything he steals to poor people?

Mirror Master: Well, yeah, I know, but I didn’t think he lived with them.

Heat Wave: He lives with us , don’t he?

Mirror Master: We aren’t poor!

Heat Wave: Scudder, both of us are high school dropouts. Neither of us has ever had a legal job. We almost never get to spend the money we steal ‘cause the Flash busts us before we can. I grew up in a one-story, two-bedroom farmhouse, and you grew up….hey, you grew up here! In what world are we not poor?

Mirror Master: I had a Ferrari….

Heat Wave: That you stole. And that the Flash returned to its original owner after three days.

Mirror Master: Not the point! I’m the most skilled inventor on the planet! I invented solid holograms and teleportation and a weapons system more sophisticated than any army’s! I discovered another dimension, for Pete’s sake! I’m not poor! (Piper stops playing)

Heat Wave: You’ve never made money off of none of that, Sam. I know you’re real smart-I’m just saying that neither of us is real rich.  

Mirror Master: Okay, maybe not, but I’m not living in the slums.  

Heat Wave: Yeah, because prison is so much better.

Pied Piper: The two of you are aware that I can hear you, correct?

Mirror Master: HOW?

Pied Piper: My parents spent 20 million dollars on ‘curing’ my deafness with hearing aids, and they received their money’s worth. My hearing range goes up to 45,000 hertz, about the same as a dog’s, and is generally extremely acute. I hear everything, and even if I did not, you two were not exactly being quiet. (Pause) Why are you looking for me?

Mirror Master: Wait….your parents spent twenty million for one operation?

Pied Piper: My parents have a net worth of 55 billion dollars. They could have spent five times that amount and not even felt it. (Pause) But I digress. What brings you two here?

Mirror Master: You.

Pied Piper: My skills or my companionship?

Heat Wave: Both!

Pied Piper: I trust that one of you has a target in mind, then?

Mirror Master: Of course I do. You see, a certain Ms. Portia Storme, a famous actress and debutante, is coming to Central City to donate some of her jewelry to Central City’s History Museum at 2:30 PM but I think that those jewels would be a lot more useful to us than to any museum. I can get us into the museum, and then you can hypnotize Ms. Storme and the patrons long enough for us to steal the jewels and split. What do you think?

Pied Piper: And if one of the Flashes shows up?

Mirror Master: That’s what Heat Wave’s for. He’ll wait outside the museum and, if the Flash shows up, he’ll distract him long enough for us to make our escape. Once we’ve gotten back to my pad safely, I’ll pick him up via Mirror Realm.

Pied Piper: That sounds like a solid plan. I’m in!

Heat Wave: Great! The more the merrier!  

Mirror Master: Okay, now that that’s established, we can shoot the breeze for a bit. How have you been, Piper?

Pied Piper: Physically, I’m as fit as a fiddle. Otherwise….I’m homeless.

Mirror Master: Again? How’d it happen this time?

Pied Piper: Well, I actually bought a little apartment a couple of weeks ago, but then I ran into this couple who were raising their granddaughter because their daughter is addicted to heroin, and their apartment was falling apart, so I gave them mine, and I was going to get another one with money that I swiped from a movie star, but then I met this poor man who was suffering from some sort of mental illness, so I had to pay for him to go to a mental hospital, and then I gave the rest of the money to help pay for the cancer treatment of a young father with four little children.

Heat Wave: I’ve got some money saved up, buddy. Do you want me to give you some?

Pied Piper: No, but thank you. I’m young and quite robust. I’ll be fine.

Mirror Master: Yeah, until you freeze to death.

Pied Piper: It gets that cold here?

Mirror Master: We’re covered in snow for half the winter! Yeah, it gets that cold here! Have you never ended up homeless in the winter?

Pied Piper: Well, no. I was only evicted from the apartment I was renting with the money I took from my parents six months ago. My sporadic homelessness is a recent thing.

Mirror Master: Word of advice, then: don’t give any of the money from this heist away.

Pied Piper: What? Why?

Mirror Master: Because it’s already November, and if you don’t get a place to stay soon, you’re going to be out on the streets in the dead of winter.

Pied Piper: Better me than a child!

Mirror Master: Dude, your hypothetical child is ten times more street savvy than you are.

Pied Piper: And has none of the luxuries I was spoiled with as a child.

Mirror Master: So? They don’t know what they’re missing. I should know. I was one.

Pied Piper: And yet you now deny being poor so vehemently.

Mirror Master: (Pause, searching for response, but not finding one) Fine. Do whatever you want. But don’t blame me when you’re sleeping on the streets in that threadbare jacket in single degree weather!

Heat Wave: (Trying to change the subject) Hey, who wants lunch? After all, it’s never good to rob a  museum on an empty stomach.

Pied Piper: Well, now that you’ve mentioned it, I am a little hungry. Where were you thinking that we would go?

Heat Wave: Uh, whatever makes you guys happy, I guess.

Mirror Master: Hmm…. I’ll have to reflect on that.

Pied Piper: I didn’t really have anything in mind, either.

Heat Wave: Okay then. Um….how about that barbeque place that opened a couple weeks ago?

Mirror Master: Sure, why not?

Pied Piper: That works as well as the next place, I suppose.

Heat Wave: All right, then I guess it’s settled. We’re going to eat some barbeque!

(Exit all)

Act III

(Wally and Iris are onstage)

Wally: So, do you have anything else planned for today, Aunt Iris?

Iris: Yes, I do. Portia Storme, the famous actress, is donating some of her family heirlooms to Central City’s History Museum at 3 PM, and I found out this morning that Picture News is sending me to cover the story.

Wally: Portia Storme? As in the Portia Storme who starred in The Superhero who Loved Me ?

Iris: Yes, that Portia Storme.

Wally: Are you allowed to bring a guest? I'm her biggest fan!

Iris: No such luck. I’m attending for business, not pleasure.

Wally: Darn it! I’ve wanted to get her autograph since I was fifteen!

Iris: I wonder what Linda would think of that.

Wally: Aunt Iris! It’s not like that! I just think that she’s a talented actress!

Iris: And the fact that she’s widely considered to be extremely attractive has nothing to do with it, right?

Wally: Aunt Iris !

Iris: Don’t worry, Wally, I know you love Linda. I was just teasing you.

Wally: Oh. Okay. Then tell Portia hi for me.

Iris: I will. In  fact, I’ll even get her autograph if I can.

Wally: Thanks, Aunt Iris! You’re the best!

Iris: You’re welcome, Wally. (Pause) Oh, and would you mind telling your uncle where I am when he gets off work? I didn’t learn that I was covering the museum story until after he left for work.

Wally: Of course I’ll tell him!

Iris: Good. I don’t want a repeat of the “Flash Marathon” debacle.

Wally: The Flash Marathon debacle? What’s that?

Iris: You don’t remember that time that I was assigned to cover the Flash Marathon of 2010 at the last possible second and Barry didn’t know so he ran halfway around the world looking for me?

Wally: Oh, yeah, I remember that now! He took me out of Calculus to help find you!

Iris: Poor, dear, Barry. He was so embarrassed when he found out that I was fine.

Wally: He was embarrassed? I had to explain to my Calculus teacher that I had cut class to rescue someone who wasn’t in any danger and then I got detention!

Iris: That may have had something to do with the fact that you’d cut class the previous week to get Chinese food from China, Wally.

Wally: What can I say? I was-

Iris: Hungry. I know. (Wally vanishes and returns with food) Wally: Want some authentic fajitas? Or some escargots?

Iris: No, thank you.

Wally: Okay. More for me. (Eats food)

Iris: How does Linda keep up with your appetite?

Wally: Oh my gosh! Linda! I told her I’d pick her and the kids up from story time, and I completely forgot about it! I’ve gotta go get them! See you, Aunt Iris! Bye! (Exit Wally)

Iris: That’s my nephew. (Pulls out paper) Let’s see. Now, where was I? Oh, right! (Begins writing) “A careful examination of the city’s funds reveals that 20% of the city’s funds have been diverted to an undisclosed project which does not correspond to any known public works project that has been discussed by the city council. Detective Jared Morillo, who headed the investigation, stated that “We’re almost certain that at least one of the elected officials of the city has been misappropriating funds,” but declined to provide further details, so I did some digging of my own and uncovered a document that revealed that four members of the mayor’s cabinet have been funneling tax dollars into their own private accounts, and that one of them, Mr. Franklin Jones, failed to press charges of robbery on the Pied Piper out of fear that his own misdeeds would come under scrutiny.” This article is going to be great!

Act IV

(Enter Pied Piper, Heat Wave, and Mirror Master with a water bottle)

Mirror Master: (To Heat Wave) How did you manage to eat two buckets of that barbeque? My mouth felt like it was on fire after I ate one piece!

Heat Wave: You should try a ghost pepper sometime, buddy. If you thought that was hot, you haven’t seen nothing yet!

Mirror Master: I’ll pass. (Guzzles water) I’ve had enough eye-watering for a year.

Pied Piper: I’m so glad that I ordered the salad.

Heat Wave: You don’t know what you’re missing, little buddy.

Pied Piper: When I was seven years old, I had lunch with the President of India. That meal contained enough spice to put me off strong seasoning forever, so I am quite aware of what I’m missing.

Mirror Master: You’ve been to another country?

Pied Piper: (Embarrassed) Actually, I’ve been to twenty other countries, and to several more than once. My parents wanted to maintain their global connections, so the visits were a necessity.

Heat Wave: (To Mirror Master) His parents are stupid rich, remember?

Mirror Master: (Enviously) Right. (Pause) Well, if this heist goes right, by 5 PM tonight, we’ll be stupid rich too. Let’s get to the museum! Heat Wave, you’ll be alright by yourself?

Heat Wave: Of course I will, buddy.

Mirror Master: In that case, we’re set to go, Piper. It’s time to make some money!

(Cut to another room, where Iris is. Pied Piper and Mirror Master enter)

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Where is everybody?

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master) How should I know? This is your heist!

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Captain Boomerang told me that Storme would be here at 2:30, so where is everybody?

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master) Wait….you learned about this from Digger ?

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Yeah. Why?

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master; growing increasingly louder) Because he’s Digger! If he knew about a potential target and didn’t go after it himself, it could only be because he was drunk! He must have given you the wrong time!

Iris: Who’s there? The museum’s closed to visitors today! (Gasps) You!

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Nice going. Now somebody knows we’re here! (To Iris) Hey, Mrs. Allen. Long time no see.

Iris: What are you two doing here? Pied Piper: Our intent was to steal Ms.Storme’s jewelry, but apparently we had some erroneous information and so we showed up before she did. What are you doing here?

Iris: I’m here to report on the donation of the jewels, and you two are under arrest.

Mirror Master: And you’re going to stop us from escaping how?

Iris: (Pulls out a gun) I’m licensed to carry a firearm, that’s how.

Mirror Master: YOU HAVE A GUN? (To Piper) This would be a good time to do some hypnotizing.

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master) Before or after she shoots me? (To Iris) All right, we surrender. (Iris handcuffs them)

Iris: I’m so glad that Barry let me borrow those in case I ever needed to pull a citizen’s arrest.

Mirror Master (Aside) Beaten by a girl...this is so humiliating….

Iris: Really? That was way easier than I anticipated.

Pied Piper: Well, I didn’t want you to get hurt, Mrs. Allen. I really admire you. Your exposé on the plight of inner city schools was phenomenal!

Iris: You read my articles?

Pied Piper: Of course! Your crusades to better this city are worthy of the highest respect. You are quite as much of a hero as your husband, Mrs. Allen.

Iris: Why does a thief care about the betterment of anything? Pied Piper: Mrs. Allen, I only steal from those who can afford it, and, quite frankly, who deserve it, and only to give to those who need it. I may operate outside the normal legal parameters, but I only do it because working inside them will get me nowhere. The 1% control the system, so until the system is changed, I have to work outside it if people are going to get real help.

Iris: So why don’t you just help better  the system legally instead of breaking the law and getting yourself into trouble?

Pied Piper: Because someone has to help even the score in the interval, and, frankly, because it helps absolve me of my own guilt. I spent the first twenty-two years of my life living in scandalous luxury, without a thought for anyone but myself. My parents paid to cure me of deafness that would have been a permanent disability in anyone else, I had a closetful of clothes I never wore, I owned three cars before I could drive, and I had more toys than I could ever have used. My parents paid my tutors to ensure that I made high grades, and then they bribed my college to make sure that I was on the top of my class. If I’m on the streets and being thrown in jail now, it’s no more than what I deserve.

Iris: Do you mind if I record that? I always thought that there was something fishy about your family’s empire-other than you, I mean.

Pied Piper: You’d better not. My parents would pay through the nose to make sure that that story never got out, so there’d be no point.

Mirror Master: Uh, as much as Pied Piper’s daddy issues fascinate me, would you mind calling the police or the Flash already?

Iris: Oh, right. (Pulls out phone) Hey, Wally, I have some supervillains for you to pick up. (Pause) What, are you surprised? I didn’t become a famous reporter by being timid. (Pause) Yeah, I’m just fine. (Pause) No, no one else was in danger. Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. (Pause) No, I’m not going to fight supervillains on a regular basis. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time and facing the right morons. (Pause) All right. See you soon. Buh-bye. (Puts phone away) Back to jail for you two.

Mirror Master: I’m thrilled . (To Piper) Let’s pretend this never happened, okay?

Pied Piper: That sounds good to me!

Act V

(Heat Wave is onstage. Enter Wally)

Heat Wave: Hey, Flash! Seeing you really burns me up! (Shoots fire plume in the air)

Wally: Heat Wave?

Heat Wave: Yeah, that’s me! I hope you aren’t going to fight me, because that would be-

Wally: Playing with fire. Yeah, I know. Heat Wave: (horrified) You stole my pun!

Wally: Hey, you know what they say: It takes a thief to catch a thief.

Heat Wave: But you’re not a thief!

Wally: Yeah, I am! I stole your pun!

Heat Wave: (Laughs) Hey, that’s pretty good. You should’ve been a comedian! (Shoots fire at Wally, who dodges)

Wally: That’s what my aunt tells me. So, what are you doing here?

Heat Wave: Making stuff burn.

Wally: Well, yeah, I can see that, but I know you can’t be operating alone, because where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and when there’s fire, there’s you, and when there’s you, there’s the other Rogues. What are you guys planning? (Dodges another blast from Heat Wave)

Heat Wave: Stay still! (Misses again)

Wally: Why, so I can move out of the frying pan and into the fire? No, thanks!

Heat Wave: Hey, stop taking all my puns before I can use them. I don’t have that many!

Wally: Aww, stop being such a hot-head, Heat Wave!

Heat Wave: I bet you think you’re so smart! Well, you won’t feel so smart when Mirror Master and Pied Piper escape with all the loot they stole because I distracted you!

Wally: Oh, so that’s why you’re here. Well, I hate to break it to you, but they’ve already been captured. (Takes Heat Wave’s gun)

Heat Wave: They’re captured? I gotta go rescue them!

Wally: Uh, you might find that difficult without this. (Waves gun)

Heat Wave: Hey, give that back!

Wally: Nope. Finders keepers. (Handcuffs Heat Wave, then brings out Pied Piper and Mirror Master) Here’s your pals. If it makes you feel any better, you get to go back to jail with them.

Heat Wave: Hi, guys!

Mirror Master: Hey, Mick. I guess you got caught, too?

Heat Wave: Yeah.

Mirror Master: Ugh, I don’t believe this! How did we get defeated again ?

Heat Wave: Don’t feel too bad, buddy. You know what they say: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! We’ll get lucky eventually.

Mirror Master: Shut up and let me mope.

Pied Piper: (To Wally) Tell your aunt to keep up the good work, won’t you? Wally: Um...sure. And just so you know, my offer still stands: serve your time and then help us help people the right way.

Piper: I’ll...I’ll keep that offer in mind.

Wally: Great! And we’re off! (Exits with them, re-enters alone. Enter Iris) Great work, Aunt Iris!

Iris: Aww, it was nothing...and hey, I’ve got a guaranteed front-page story! (They high-five)

Wally: You know what? All that fighting made me hungry! I’m gonna go eat! Love you, Aunt Iris!

Iris: I love you, too! (Exit Wally) Ooh, just wait until I tell Barry I defeated two supervillains!

[wherevermyway]

be your confessional (1/?) // minbin // 18+

chapter one: cherry-flavoured nicotine series navigation: [desktop] [mobile]

⚠ POTENTIAL TW: READ WITH CAUTION! ⚠ pairing: lee minho x seo changbin rating: explicit! 18+ warnings/tags: obsessive compulsive disorder, cults, religious guilt, internalized homophobia, past sexual assault, cheating, smoking, tattoos.  word count: 4,032 also on AO3

originally posted: 27 december 2020

It's been ten years since Changbin left the cult he was born into. He's been desperately trying to become a normal member of society, but sometimes it proves to be difficult. He has a normal office job, a normal roommate, and a normal life. At least he was trying.

this fic sounds a lot darker than it is. most of the dark things happened in the past and is briefly discussed/observed.

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are  interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do  not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of  the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable,  please stop reading now.

“Would you stay still? The Mark is going to come out imperfect if you keep moving.”

The voice felt like nails on a chalkboard, making Changbin nauseated just hearing it. He couldn’t help but twitch as the tattoo machine etched black lines into his skin, black ink and blood blending as the tattooist wiped at his chest.

To most sixteen-year-olds, getting a tattoo so early was a sign of rebelliousness, something to be envied by others. To Changbin, however, this was not a tattoo he would wear with pride. The X, surrounded by four triangles and enclosed in a circle, was something he felt shameful over.

“The X means you are nothing. You must follow the four principles: morality, service, responsibility, and submission to be whole, much like the circle. That is The Mark.”

The words hurt more than the tattoo being carved into his sternum. Everyone in their fellowship was forced to get The Mark at sixteen, if born into it, or when they were deemed worthy after joining.

Changbin didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be marked with a brand that rendered him unworthy, as nothing more than a pawn to some bullshit deity that some power-hungry man came up with fifty years ago. He loved his parents, he truly did, but he never understood why they fell for the words that The Leader spat out every week. The Leader wasn’t even charismatic; perhaps his parents were just vulnerable and stupid.

It didn’t matter.

“Wear your Mark with pride, Son,” The Leader whispered in his ear, continuing to dig his nails into Changbin’s wrists. “You are one with The Universe, one with Us, one with Me. Together, we are one in responsibility.”

“One in morality,” the tattooist nodded.

“One in service,” his father continued.

There was a pause as Changbin tried to choke back tears. He knew he had to complete the oath, but the lump in his throat and the burning of the skin on his chest made it difficult. The Leader cleared his throat, digging his nails into Changbin’s skin further, until he cried out and shook his head. “One in submission!”

One in submission.

Fuck submission.

Changbin nearly fell off of his bed as he thrashed awake. He was unable to make sense of his surroundings, trying to calm his rapid breathing and focus his eyes on something, on anything. He hated this nightmare; it haunted him for years, and they were increasing in frequency again.

It was irrational, but he needed to make sure. Changbin kicked his sheets off of him, untangling his legs from the prison his sheets tried to trap him in. As he made his way to his feet, he tore off his shirt, haphazardly throwing it somewhere across his room.

He needed to make sure.

Moving towards the washroom was mechanical, automatic. He did this so many times, waking up in the middle of the night to run off and check his skin. It was 37 steps from his bed to the sink. 37 steps to security.

Step 35: collide with the door.

Step 36: turn the light on.

Step 37: stare at the tired reflection in the mirror.

A wave of relief washed over Changbin as he stared at the dark raven that sprawled across his chest, wings touching the tips of his shoulders and the open beak pointed up towards his left shoulder. It held a deep meaning to him, but it was more important that it completely covered up that stupid fucking mark.

It hid away the years of guilt and shame, the obsession and compulsion that came along with conforming to each intricate, demanding rule that the cult ordered. The years of pain would never be totally washed away, but it was getting easier with each passing day.

“Hey,” a tired voice from the doorway startled Changbin, causing an electric jolt to course through his body. He turned his head over his shoulder and stared, blinking a few times to make sure it was really his roommate, Jisung, standing there.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he sleepily mumbled, nervously rubbing the tip of his shoulder with his thumb as he nibbled on his lip ring.

Jisung leaned up against the door, running his fingers through his vivid red hair. “You didn’t. I was already awake. Besides, it’s almost 5:30, so I figured I’d just get up and deal with the day.” They stared at each other for a moment, before Changbin turned back to look at his reflection in the mirror.

“You ever think it’s gonna stop, the nightmares?”

“Dunno,” the redhead shrugged as he met Changbin’s eyes in the mirror. “It’s been awhile since you woke up like this, though. You gonna be okay when it comes up?”

It hadn’t been long since he woke up like this, it had just been a while since Jisung woke up to Changbin acting on his compulsion. The black-haired man sighed, biting at his lip as he ran his eyes over his skin. “I’ll get over it. Hopefully he gets what he deserves.”

Jisung took a step forward, softly gripping Changbin’s shoulder and smiling at him in the mirror. “I know you will, but don’t be afraid to lean on me, dude. I’ll be here to help you through it, I promise.”

“Thanks, man,” Changbin smiled back, then looked down to his hands, staring at the hangnails and scabs that had littered his fingers. He wanted nothing more than to tear into his skin and tear away the imperfections that he had created during one of his episodes. The momentary lapses in rationality, where he would ferociously tear his nails apart, rip off hangnails, the lapses were the only thing that made the intrusive thoughts stop.

“You wanna hit the gym early? I know you’re not gonna go back to sleep any time soon, so might as well be productive with our time.”

“Yeah,” Changbin sighed, looking at himself in the mirror one more time before he turned the light off. “Might as well.”

Ten days until the hearing.

“Good morning!”

Fuck. Changbin tried to stealthily roll his eyes as he walked into the office. He hated the paralegal, Lee Minho. Minho was everything Changbin was not: nice, loveable, innocent, and a good church boy who was pure. Everyone loved Minho, because he was safe, an easy pill to swallow. Changbin was not an easy pill to swallow; he was covered in tattoos, ears decorated with jewellery, hard around the edges, and abrasive to most people.

“Yeah,” Changbin grunted, trying to avoid saying much else as he made his way to his office. It was too early to deal with someone so chipper, not without copious amounts of caffeine.

“Wait!” Minho called after him, and Changbin didn’t bother to hide his disgust as he stopped. He heard the shuffling of papers, and then Minho was suddenly by his side. “Mr. Bang is away from the office today, and he told me to pass off some of the Dawson v. Doebring case off to you.”

“Walk and talk, then,” Changbin didn’t bother waiting for Minho to follow him. “If Chan’s out, that means we’re busy today.” There was an itch under his skin as he lost count of the steps from the front door to his office, and it made him tense.

There was a bit of a squeak that came from Minho as he followed Changbin to his office. “I’ve got your back, Mr. Seo.”

Changbin couldn’t hold back a groan as he stopped dead in his tracks. He hated when people addressed him by his last name. “Stop calling me that,” he took a step closer, getting into Minho’s face. “I keep telling you, only address me as Changbin.”

“But,” Minho started, nervously backtracking his words incoherently.

He looked at Minho with a pleading gaze, trying to not seem vulnerable. Part of him wanted to tear into Minho because they did this every week, but the pitiful look that Minho had painted on his face made Changbin feel like a horrible person. It felt like he was yelling at a child for something stupid and only out of frustration. “Please, just… don’t call me by my last name.”

Minho nodded his head and bit his lip.

“Thank you,” Changbin sighed, turning on his heel and beelining towards his office.

“Sorry, Changbin,” Minho said, curling into himself a bit as he trailed Changbin.

The younger man shrugged as he sat down at his desk. “Don’t worry about it, Minho. Just…” he let his voice trail off as he looked down at his stacks of paperwork. There was a lot to do before he was going to be absent for several days due to the hearing.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t hear me. The leader deserves to die a slow, and painful death. Fuck this goddamned cult!”

That had earned Changbin a slap across the face from his father.

“Blasphemy is a sin, Changbin.” Despite being furious, his father’s voice was exhausted. He tiredly grabbed a black book off of the table and passed it to the young man. “You should be grateful that The Leader accepted you back into his embrace after the stunt you pulled.”

Changbin shook his head, grabbing the book his father offered and tossed it across the room, colliding against the vase on the dining table. “He should be fucking grateful I didn’t take this to the cops.”

Another slap to the face.

The younger man licked his teeth and shot an icy glare towards his father. “You know this isn’t right. You’re really going to side with that fucking monster over your own son?”

There was a painful silence that lingered in the air as they stared down one another, until his father broke the tension. He didn’t look like he wanted to say the words he had been thinking, but he repeated them anyways, his voice empty and distant.

“One in responsibility, one in morality, one in service, one in submission.”

Changbin didn’t bother. He scoffed as he took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re as much of a monster as him, you know?” His mother sat on the couch, curled up into herself as she stared off in a dissociative trance, trying to remove herself from the situation. “You’re going to actively defend and dismiss the things your beloved leader has done to me? Did you forget that I’m your fucking son?”

There should have been a slap, but Changbin’s father just looked down. His expression was hard to read. There was a look of shame and a look of remorse, but his eyes were dead.

“Get out of my house.”

Changbin’s mother lifted her head, opening her mouth to say something, but nothing came to fruition.

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Changbin shook his head. “I’m not living with someone that doesn’t stand up against their son being abused and assaulted for years by some fucking psychopath that thinks he’s a god.”

“Come back here!” His father demanded, but Changbin was having none of it.

He turned on his heel and tried to remain composed as tears rolled down his face. “You’re both dead to me. I hope that, when this whole fucking cult gets torn apart, you both come down with it all.”

It had been ten years since he had seen his parents last, and he would be seeing them again in ten days.

“You’re making your fingers bleed,” Minho’s voice pulled Changbin back from the depths of his memories. “Are you okay, Changbin?”

No, I’m not okay. Never have been.

“It’s fine,” he grumbled, grabbing a tissue from the box on his desk. “Sometimes happens when I think too hard.” Ten days. He was still partially lost in the abyss of the past, and he was afraid he’d never fully shake the vise grip that the cult had around him.

Minho frowned, setting his notepad and pen down on the desk in front of him. “Can I ask you something kinda personal?”

No. I don’t want you to know anything about me.

“What is it?” He blotted the tissue around his fingernails until the blood was mostly gone, then dropped the tissue in the bin.

The older man brushed his brown hair away from his eyes, and sat forward. “Is law school really worth it? How did you know it was right for you? Like, I see you and Mr. Bang spend months over these cases and part of me is interested in applying, but...”

Fix the imperfections.

Changbin stood up, trying to fight the urge to pick at his fingers. “Can this wait a minute? I need to go wash my hands off.”

Minho nodded his head once. “Sure, sure. I’ll finish making notes on this file.”

127 steps from his desk to the washroom. He counted every step mentally as he walked. Anything to keep his thoughts away from tearing the flesh next to his fingernails off in nervousness, not until he was alone.

Step 126: open the door.

Step 127: scan the room.

It was an additional three steps to the third sink. Three was a good number.

Changbin ran the water a bit too cold for comfort as he stuck his hands under the faucet, ravenously tearing at his hangnails, pulling them off and turning the porcelain of the sink a shade of pink for a split second. The blood would drip down, then rapidly desaturate and dissolve into the water.

Fix the imperfections.

He hated these thoughts. Sure, the medications he had been on helped, and the therapy appointments he sometimes went to had helped him with better coping mechanisms, but this was the only thing that made sense to him, that actually felt like there was a payoff of serotonin. Changbin didn’t tear into his skin because he liked it — it hurt, actually, and it was incredibly uncomfortable — but because his brain told him he had no other choice.

“Obsessive-compulsive disorder isn’t uncommon in cases like yours,” his therapist told him. “Children develop coping mechanisms like skin picking or excessive handwashing amongst other things to gain control in their lives when things don’t make sense and they don’t have a way to express that in a healthy manner. Anxiety disorders are common: obsessive-compulsive disorder, alcohol and/or drug use and abuse, eating disorders…”

“Fuck that goddamned cult,” Changbin whispered under his breath, his voice laden with venom. “Fuck that man, fuck my parents. Fuck all of them.”

He let the water wash over his hands until his hands started to shake from the cold. Anything to numb the pain.

“You look pale,” Minho had, again, given Changbin an unwanted statement, and the younger man gritted his teeth as he bit his tongue.

Fuck you, too, you prudish brat.

“How’s the case review?” He deliberately ignored the concern Minho had as he sat at his desk, clasping his hands together and resting his chin against his fingers.

Minho batted his eyelashes a few times, giving Changbin a look of worry. “The case review is fine, but I don’t know if we’re going to have this ready by the end of the week.”

“Guess we’ll have to work harder.”

The men sat in silence for hours, poring over their evidence for the case. When Changbin could fully immerse himself in a case like this, it dampened the intrusive thoughts in his head. He felt somewhat normal for a little while, and it was a welcomed change.

“It’s half past two, Changbin,” Minho whined, looking up from his paperwork. “Can we take a break for now?”

It took a moment for Changbin to pull himself away from the paragraph he was on, taking a highlighter to some of the words. “I assume you want to get something for lunch, right?” He didn’t bother looking away from the document, because he didn’t want to look at Minho’s sad eyes.

“That’d be nice, yeah.”

“Then go,” Changbin shrugged.

“You should eat something, too.” Minho leaned in on the desk, trying to get into Changbin’s line of sight. “Maybe take a break from all of this.”

“Fine,” Changbin sighed, grabbing his glasses off of his desk and adjusting them on his face. “Chan said I should be nicer to you, anyways. How about that French place down the street?”

Minho’s smile was soft, genuine. “That sounds perfect.”

Changbin hated the fact that Minho was so nice. It felt fake and unwarranted. He saw a lot of his younger self in the way that Minho acted: fake kindness, putting others before himself, a general sense of being lost. He knew that the other man was deeply wrapped up in some sort of religion that took up all of his time outside of work.

It wasn’t obvious until Changbin watched the way he talked about his fiancée. It felt like she was a prop or a chore: just another thing for Minho to deal with.

“Hey, congrats, man!” Seungmin, the other new paralegal, had excitedly shouted one day a few weeks prior. “Finally settling down like a real adult, huh?”

Changbin poked his head out of his office door, ready to scold the paralegals for being so loud, but the look on Minho’s face distracted him. For someone being congratulated, he looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” he had meekly said, sinking into his shoulders a bit as he darted his eyes around. “She’s great. My parents have been pushing me to bite the bullet for months now, and this weekend seemed like it felt right.”

Doesn’t look like it feels right.

Changbin stood in his doorway, observing the two of them chatter back and forth, watching the discomfort on Minho’s face every time Seungmin asked him questions about his fiancée. It was like he was trying to talk with a wedge of lemon in his mouth: constantly scowling and wincing.

“We’re gonna get married in a few months,” Minho said with a sigh. “Her parents want a winter wedding, and my parents just want me to get married.”

Seungmin shifted his weight to the other foot. “Dude,” he folded his arms, his tone turning more serious. “You sure about this?”

Minho shrugged. “Yeah. It’s what I’ve gotta do. Nobody else in my community waits this long to get married and start a family.”

Community.

Changbin tried to stifle a scoff with a fake cough when the two men noticed him standing there. “Sorry, I wanted to offer congratulations. I was also looking for the corporate notes for the Smith v. ParaCorp case, Minho.”

“Oh,” Minho nodded, his face flushing as he scrambled around his desk. “Yeah, I’ve got them somewhere, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Changbin shook his head and turned to walk back to his office. “Just have them on my desk in a couple of hours.”

As much as Minho annoyed him, Changbin felt somewhat bad for him. He didn’t know the specifics of what all Minho was involved in, but it sounded deep-rooted and like he was stuck. Chan told him to try and be nicer to his paralegal, but sometimes annoyance won out over niceness, but he was at least trying.

Somewhat.

“So,” Changbin dug into his jacket and pulled out his vape cartridge as soon as he and Minho were outside, “how’s the wedding prep going?” He eyed Minho out of the corner of his eye as he inhaled, the cherry-flavoured nicotine cloud leaving his lips a moment later.

It was a rude question to ask, given the circumstances, but he wanted to try and confirm a theory that was burning in the back of his head, under the guise of caring about Minho’s personal life.

A theory that was slowly unravelling to be truth. Minho shrunk a bit, kicking a stray rock down the sidewalk as they walked. “It’s,” he paused, tucking his hands into his pockets, “I guess it’s going? Maria and her family are working on most of it.”

Go figure.

“You don’t seem very excited for a man that’s about to get married.”

They walked in silence for a bit. 40 steps from the entrance to the curb. The stoplight ahead of them was red, and cars rushed past them as the air lingering between them went stagnant.

“I’m not excited about it.” Minho’s voice was quiet, almost too quiet for Changbin to pick up on. “Not at all, actually.”

The younger man took another pull from his vape, then rolled his tongue over the stud in his lip. He should have pretended like he didn’t hear Minho, but curiosity always got the better of him. “Wanna talk about it? Sworn to client confidentiality.”

Minho scoffed, anxiously tapping the toe of his shoe against the ground. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t love her, do you?” The light turned green, the orange hand turning into a white stick figure, but neither of them moved.

The older man looked up, his eyes glistening a bit as they stared forward. Some stranger walked past them and flipped them off, but neither of them paid the stranger any mind. “Are you actually supposed to love someone you marry, or is that some sort of fairytale? All of my friends are married and secretly miserable.”

“Dunno,” Changbin sighed, sticking his hands into his pocket as he stared at the light turn into a flashing hand. “Never been married. Never planned on it.”

“Why are you asking me this, anyways?” Minho turned to look at Changbin, a disgruntled look on his face.

“Why did you answer me?” Changbin tilted his head a bit to the side, looking at Minho with indifference. “I figured you wouldn’t say anything if you didn’t really want to talk about it. To answer your question, though, it’s been bothering me since you announced your engagement. You looked uncomfortable when Seungmin brought it up.”

Minho didn’t answer Changbin, instead taking a hasty step forward as soon as the light flashed back to a white stick figure.

“Wait, Minho!” Changbin reached out, practically ripping Minho’s sleeve off of him as he pulled him back from the road right as a car ran a red light, nearly running into Minho. The force of the pull knocked them onto the sidewalk, causing Changbin to land hard against the ground, barely missing his head colliding into the concrete.

Minho awkwardly laid on top of Changbin, staring down at him with terrified eyes. He grabbed the sides of Changbin’s neck and panicked. “Oh my goodness,” he whined, “Changbin, are you okay?”

He’s cute from this angle. Fear looks good on him.

“I’ll be fine,” Changbin says, unsure of where to place his hands. He’d never been this close to another man his age. It never hit him before, but Minho was good looking. Had he not been the pure, innocent church boy type, he would have been Changbin’s type. Minho, however, was innocent and literally planning a wedding that was coming up in a few months.

“Changbin,” Minho whispered, his cheeks turning a shade of crimson. There was a strange tension between them, like the air around them was full of electricity and they were being pulled together. Minho dug his fingernails into Changbin’s neck, slowly bringing his head in closer.

Don’t kiss the church boy.

He knew where his hands needed to be. Changbin brought his hands up to Minho’s head without even thinking twice, pushing aside the intrusive thoughts running through his head. The warmth of the older man was intoxicating as he brought their lips together.

Minho responded in kind, pushing a bit further into the kiss. They were getting strange stares, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the euphoric energy that danced around them as they kissed. He pulled away, then pressed his lips to the older man’s three times in total.

Stop kissing the engaged church boy.

Maybe he would make it six times.

Don’t kiss the engaged church boy who is probably heavily traumatized.

Nine times. Three times three for good measure.

Changbin had just literally fallen for the church boy, but he felt like he was potentially metaphorically falling for him now. Fuck the intrusive thoughts.

[crystallized-shadow]

MadaTobi "Equivalent exchange! I'm gonna gave you half of my life so give me half of yours!" Please?

Sorry for the wait! I hope you don’t mind, but I tweaked the quote just a little bit to fit in the story a little better. Hope you like it!

Madara can’t help but roll his eyes, an amusing grin tugging at his lips but carefully hidden behind his high collar. Tobirama had been going on and on about something science related for the better part of an hour now and while Madara loved his boyfriend, he’d tuned out after 20 minutes give or take. Not that Tobirama had any idea as Madara had yet to take his eyes off the Senju. While the subject had failed to hold his interest, Tobirama’s passion for it had him enthralled. Uchiha did love passionate partners after all.

Partners, Madara thinks again, mentally testing out the word as he feels color rise to his cheeks. It had a nice ring to it, and if Madara didn’t think Tobirama would turn him down before he could finish the question, he would have proposed to the stubborn Senju a while ago.

“Madara?” Hearing his name, especially in such a different tone, jolts Madara back to the present and he blinks a few times as he refocuses his attention on Tobirama.

“Yes love?”

“You’re blushing,” Tobirama states, because he’s never been one to ask questions about their relationship, only make observations.

“Ah,” the Uchiha mutters with a shrug, “sorry my mind wandered for a moment. What were you saying?”

“I was talking about equivalent exchange,” Tobirama huffs, his eyes hardening at the idea that Madara had been ignoring him, “not that I would expect an uncultured swine like you to understand.”

“The principle that to gain something, something of equal value must be lost,” Madara states, smirking when Tobirama’s eyes widen in surprise, “I’m familiar with the concept, though not by that name exactly.”

“What else could it be called?”

“The Uchiha don’t have a specific name for it,” Madara admits knitting his fingers together so he can rest his chin on them as he leans forward slightly, “just the belief that we came from ashes, borrow the great flame’s power throughout our lives and in turn one day the great flame returns us to ashes. Our clan has always been linked to phoenixes for this reason.”

“Intriguing,” Tobirama mutters, the glint in his eyes sending a zing of arousal down Madara’s spine. “Well that cuts down on what I need to explain.”

“What does equivalent exchange have to do with anything?” Madara asks, confusion clear in his tone as he tries to figure out the leap the stupid genius had taken this time.

“As I’ve been saying, if you’d been paying attention,” Tobirama chides and Madara just rolls his eyes again, “is that the research I found on people from a far off country explained how alchemists used to believe in that principle; I believe these alchemists were early users of chakra. Their belief interested me, admittedly I hadn’t realized you Uchiha had such a similar belief and now I really want to dig into your archives and see if there is a connection-”

“You’re rambling again.”

“Oh,” and this time it’s Tobirama’s turn to flush. “Sorry…what I’ve been trying to say, about equivalent exchange, is I’ll give you half of my life, so you give me half of yours.”

Madara nearly falls off his cushion in shock. He must have heard that wrong, because there was no way Tobirama “I hate romance” Senju had just proposed to him. “Correct me if I’m wrong,” Madara begins cautiously, “but it sounds like you just proposed to me.”

“That is correct,” Tobirama mutters, hurt flickering across his face for a second before he hides everything behind a blank mask. “I understand that I’m not the ideal husband, but we’ve known each other for awhile and I thought we were compatible. I’m sorry if I was wrong, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable, just surprised,” Madara says, a large grin slowly stretching across his face, “I’d love to give you half my life you dork, only you would pop the question so suddenly and formally.”

“Sorry?” Tobirama is clearly torn between joy and confusion and the disgruntled look on his face has Madara laughing before he tugs the younger man across the table for a kiss.

“I love you the way you are Tobirama,” he mutters against the other’s lips, “and anyone that doesn’t think you’re the perfect match for me will find themselves on the wrong end of my gunbai.”

“How violently romantic,” Tobirama chuckles, tugging Madara back in for another kiss.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity, I was wondering what your instinctual variants were? I don’t know if you’ve talked about this already but would you mind explaining a little about your experience as that iv? Maybe compared to other ENFPs or 6s you’ve seen?

There is so much contradictory information out there that I was confused for awhile, but I came to determine sp/so based on descriptions of 6 subtypes.

I had to look at “what I am actually LIKE” far more than what I “THINK I AM LIKE.” As in, think back to my life and see if I could pinpoint any examples of my behavior that fell in line with the so and sp 6 descriptions.

I am way more this:

Sp 6: Passion of fear manifests as insecurity, fear of not being protected.

Escape anxiety through seeking security and protection, and become dependent on others, not trusting themselves enough. Feel alone and incapable without outside support. (I hate to admit this, but I have a huge sense of anxiety whenever I think about inheriting my parents’ business and all their responsibilities. I have this deeply-rooted fear of “I cannot do this” … even though I am capable, reliable, frugal, and smart. All of those things flit from my mind and I feel like I need other people helping me. Last week, I had an actual meltdown where I became almost catatonic because I had spent too much time thinking one day that there’s no way I can live up to my super-extroverted, confident father’s ease of business sense. I had to talk my way through it, and accept that I am far different, and think about how to achieve the same results but in a way that suits my more introverted and withdrawn, even shy, personality.)

Perceive the world as dangerous, and seek alliances. Endeavor to be friendly, trustworthy and supportive as allies are supposed to be. Taboo on aggression that results from the needs of dependency weakens them in the face of aggression, and contributes to their insecurity and need for external support. (I cannot think of a single instance in my entire life when I ever showed aggression in anything, even the times when it would have been beneficial for me to do so, but I can think of countless examples where other people verbally attacked me for some reason and I just stood there dumbfounded and unable to produce any kind of visceral rage with which to hit them back. I just listened, then, as a teen, went home and cried; now, I go home and withdraw from everyone.)

Want to feel the warm embrace of a family, in a protected place with no enemies. (I cannot stress enough how much this looks like 9 – I am exactly like my 9 friends in our need for a harmonious relationship; I cannot be around people who are angry, who stir up constant trouble, or seem to dislike me; and in the instances in which I am confronted by dislike or strong opinions, my literal first thought is “I want to go home, to the people who ‘get’ me and agree with me” because I feel safe there.)

Driving need is for friendship or warmth. Being warm is a way of getting people to be friendly and not angry. Warmest of the 6s. (Yep. A thousand times yep.)

Cannot let out their own aggression, and want to be good, ie. not angry. (This has baffled me for as long as I can remember. My anger flares up and then… dissipates in a very short amount of time. I never hold grudges. I never tell people off, unless I am very close to them, and even then I’m not mad for more than a few minutes. ONE TIME I lost my temper in front of two people, and I instantly felt bad about it. I have gone through some crap in my life, and never lost my temper; if I get mad, I start berating myself for BEING angry!!)

A lot of hesitation, indecision and uncertainty. Too much tolerance for ambiguity, don’t want to decide between ‘black and white’ because they see a lot of grey, can have a difficult time making decisions. Ask many questions but don’t answer any. (Sadly. Yes.)

Than this:

So 6: “Duty” - concerned with what their duty is, knowing the rules, the points of reference, the guidelines, the “good guys and bad guys”. 

Represents a mixture of the phobic and counter-phobic expressions.

Cool, cold, precise (archetypically German/Prussian character).

Stronger, due to certainty. Becomes too sure in defense from insecurity. Can become a true believer or fanatic, who holds tightly to ideologies, lacking trust to oneself and trust to others. (I do lack self-trust, but I also have it – in MBTI, for example, I am always seeking to learn more, and sometimes doubt I have typed a character accurately; in those instances I will ask someone whose opinion I trust if my reasoning is sound. I “consult” with others to get their opinions and like a consensus.)

Deal with anxiety by relying on abstract reason or ideology as an impersonal frame of reference. Make sure of things through an obsessive reliance on reason and precision. (I feel safe if I use a “rational” approach which I guess fits into this category?)

Love of precision and intolerance of ambiguity. See things more in terms of ‘black and white’ than gray. (If I put this into the context of my faith, then yes, I am more a person who says, “If you want to identify as X, you should live according to the principles defined by X.” Just as an example, Christianity teaches unconditional forgiveness, so if I see someone professing to be a Christian who is also hanging on to bitterness and refusing to forgive others, I would feel tempted to point that out to them, because they are not living according to the principles they “claim” to possess. I rarely do it, however, because it’s too combative and I’m not comfortable with initiating conflict on that level. I am more inclined to disapprove from a distance and keep my mouth shut unless asked for advice on that issue. :P)

Fear disapproval from the authorities. “The Obedient 6”. Think that the way to be safe is to do the right thing, and the way to know the right thing is to have clear rules. (Mostly, I think this way in terms of my faith; I am less this way about rules in an organization or a group, and I would never impose those rules on anyone – I would fail at being the person in charge of a “home covenants” group where everyone had to keep their house up to a certain standard and abide by the rules, since I think forcing rules upon people sucks.)

Concerned with efficiency, have a legalistic character. (Um. Yes? Kind of? I don’t like to think of myself this way, but I have been called cold before.)

Can look like: 1 or 3.

Source.

Lots of sp, some soc but not enormously.

Many ENFPs seem to be sp-blind and/or have weak sp, which is why I don’t resemble most of them – I have no problem taking tons of “alone time” to work on my various projects rather than socialize, I have always saved money with the notion that I might need it later for my long-term survival, I am aware of my physical needs and make sure to cater to them with regular mealtimes and sleeping schedules. I am very good with money and always have been frugal.

I do value soc but am hesitant to use it as a resource, and it’s hard for me to socialize or approach strangers to get to know them. I am an initiator with those I already know or have been introduced to, but more of a loner. Soc-doms tend to be more extroverted because they want to connect with you – I am never sure if I want to or not until I get to know you. I have to mentally prepare myself to go out and be with a group of people, and feel quickly drained by them and their chatter. When I first moved away from home, I really wanted to meet people and make friends but did not have the first clue as to “how.” I tried out a couple of groups where I soon discovered it was hard for me to approach people or initiate conversations. I do not project the soc-first “I am friendly, come and talk to me” aura. In one group, I realized my beliefs did not match up with theirs, so I walked away. I didn’t argue with them about it, I just knew there was no point and I’d rather be alone than in a group that seemed to agree with each other, but that I could not agree with myself. I figured, “Well, my loved ones agree with me, so they will have to do.”

I have an iffy relationship with the rules, also. When I was much younger, I had more strict views about behaviors and felt threatened when others disagreed with them – but as an adult, I am open to nuanced thinking and fall into being comfortable with uncertainty. I have super strong opinions, but rarely impose them on other people. I’m more able to be friends with people I disagree with now than when I was young – so fear of disagreement is something all 6s have to work through.

Probably my biggest clue about being sp/so came from my experiences in dating. Anytime the relationship appeared to grow more intrusive or serious, I would run away from it – it was threatening my sense of sp, and I lacked the soc-dom’s “social grace” of making a delicate break. I feel bad about that, but I think it’s a problem with sp-doms. They long to connect in a deep, meaningful way, but the minute anyone feels too “intruding” upon their time or resources or independence, they back away.

- ENFP Mod

[dicecast]

Rethinking of Star Wars: The Character of Darth Vader

In addition to being the most Iconic character in the whole series, Vader is kind of the emotional core of the movie, despite his being the villain and the antagonist.  When I talk about the original Star Wars being really weird, this is what I mean, who is the emotional core of these films?  You might say its Luke, but the movie is kinda weirdly distant from Luke, we don’t really delve that deeply into his head, the film seems a lot more excited to talk about Han Solo and Leia.  So are they the emotional core?  Well no, because in the third movie they just kinda stop doing stuff after awhile.  Is it the droids?  We are with them throughout the earliest bits of the movie, and their perspective seems to dominate about 50% of a New Hope, but not so much the other movies.   These movies don’t really have an emotional core the way that the first Matrix movie does, or Pirates of the Caribbean do, its more of a spectacle.  Because while these stories are a heroes journey, they are a really distant one (more on that later.

(There are emotional moments but not emotional themes) 

           The exception to this is Vader, who is a constant presence in all three movies, and in fact it is his decision which decides the final conflict.  Rewatch his scenes in the triology, and emotionally the camera is with Vader (except being his first confrontation with Luke), when he chokes the guy mocking his religion, that guy is presented as annoying and you get the anger in the scene.  When he is frustrated and obsessive in the second movie, the movie seems to display it, like the scene where the falcon gets away or when he is in his little life pod. The emotional high point of the third movie is Vader’s core.  Now I’m not saying this is particularly well done, or even deliberately experimental, only that it’s kinda weird considering how this movie is basically the king of main stream.

(pictured, emotions) 

           Vader is also the greatest failings of the prequal series, because Anakin from the original doesn’t resemble Vader at all.   And I don’t mean “oh Anakin is whiney he isn’t dignified” I mean the emotional logic of Vader’s actions doesn’t synth with the prequals.  

(this is more movement that Vader uses than like the entire original trilogy)

        See it’s a fallacy to assume that the only way you can devolve a character is by showing their back story (YOU HEAR THAT MARVEL).  In that blessed glorious time in the golden days before the prequals existed (aka my elementary school), you could look at Vader and try to imagine what made him into this monster.  Because Vader is remarkably well characterized, most of that credit going to his actors, and it is mostly done just through little things, namely his movements. Vader is heavy, he is slow, he is ponderous, all of his movements just feel like this evil glacier in human form is stalking around a space ship*. And this slowness isn’t combined with carefulness or even elegance, Vader feels heavy and brutish, walking straight into reality and just expecting it to get out of his fucking way.  All of this movement direction are tied to two core emotions.  Anger, and exhaustion.

(guess I will move my arm now)

    So I already talked about Vader’s relationship to anger earlier, but summing myself up. There are many different approaches to anger, and Vader’s is not explosive like in the prequels, Vad’ers anger is like a dull constantly burning ember, he is just kinda quitely pissed off all the time, basically moving via his constant hate.  But that doesn’t make him a passionately anger fellow, its burnout, he just occasionally snaps when his overwhelming frustration with everyone around him just kinda makes him at somebody not following the rules.  Its not explosive rage, nor a cold rage, it’s a constant low boiling frustration that has so consumed Vader that he only keeps going out of spite.   I could never picture Vader explosively slaughtering a whole village of people or even dramatically screaming at his mentor, I can see him just making a frustrated scoff and killing everybody in the area out of contempt because they wasted his time.

(Not ever bothering with villain banter, fuck off) 

   The other emotion that defines Vader is exhaustion, especially in the first movie, because is so fucking zoned out in that first movie.   Literally every single interaction he has in that movie except for his duel with Obi One is curt, brusque and dismissive, Leia is like “I defy you” and Vader is like “Yeah what ever, I don’t care move on”.  He stands in Tarkin’s meeting room like an extra prop, he feels so superfluous and barely interacts or move until somebody insults his religion, and even then he is like “oh well I guess I’ll hurt you”.  He is zonked out, and if you think about it, it makes sense.  Vader’s reason for joining the Empire and embracing the Dark Side aren’t clear in the original, but presumably he came out of some sense of believing in something, even if that thing wasn’t good.  Well after decades of atrocities and murdering most of his former friends, Vader has won, the empire is in control and he reigns supreme…and he still isn’t happy.   He is this massive badass and is just...doing his job because its what he does.  

 Based on how eager he is to turn Luke, my personal headcanon was that Vader wanted to remake the Jedi order in his new fascist empire, but the process of making the empire basically wiped it out, and now he is alone in an empire where his own subordinates say his religion is sad and outdated to his fucking face. Whatever goal Vader went into this for, it clearly hasn’t worked out for him, he is basically on rage field auto pilot.  

(phoning it in) 

Compare that to how he behaves in the second movie, Vader has so much fucking energy, he is focused on the task at hand, he is talking to people, it really does feel that for the first time in a decade he has found something worthy living for.  Which brings up something else, Vader always felt old to me, in fact he is referred to as old a few times, but he also just felt like an old exhausted man.  According to the prequals he is basically in his early 40s, which just feels wrong, Vader doesn’t feel like he is having a midlife crisis, he feels like somebody age is catching up to them and they are just sort of realizing how out of place they are.  I always pictured Vader in his early to mid-50s, I mean Obi One was 63 when he played Obi One, though you could believe him being a little older, I thought Vader was like ten years younger, and they had more of a peer relationship, that is what it feels like in their duel, two old men who are the last relic of a conflict which ended over a decade ago.  Vader’s fall to evil never felt to me like a dramatic sudden break, rather it felt like a slow steady loss of humanity over the course of decades, like John McCain.

(I wrote this before he died, I have very mixed feelings)

           And like a man who earnestly held principles to be valuable while betraying all of them simultaneously, Vader never espouses a morality or a philosopher, but he feels like somebody who’s sense of self is founded upon some sense of duty and purpose, even though both have long ago been lost.  He earnestly is deeply religious concerning the force, and in the third movie seems largely ok with the Emperor letting him be killed by Luke in order to cause his son to fall to the dark side (First time I wrote that I wrote Dark Souls and suddenly Star Wars became a lot cooler).  He feels like somebody who does everything he does due to duty, even though its meaning is long past, so the Dark Souls reference I accidentally made wasn’t actually all that off point.  

(an armored man following rules long past their relevance) 

           Actually seriously now, do you know which character Vader reminds me of more than anybody else. Leo McGarry from The West Wing, I mean imagine if Leo McGarry’s master wasn’t Barlet but somebody vile and destructive who encouraged his own anger and frustration, and imagine if he didn’t have a family or friends who could help him alienate his own pain, and he just comes this manifestation of a system that he enacts without understanding it.  

           It’s also interesting to me because Vader is such a Kinetic person, I mean the is basically second in command of the Empire and the main enforcer, why is he flying a Tie fighter around personally?  Can’t he delegate this shit, doesn’t he have like administration or something to deal with? For somebody who is trapped in a robot suit which doesn’t move very much, he is clearly somebody who likes to move around, when I was really little I never really got that he was a cyborg just in how human his movements seemed to be.  I think Darth Vader isn’t somebody who thinks very critically or questions his decisions once his made them, so when all of his life chocies have made him miserable and hollow, he just kinda distracts himself by going to people’s houses and kicking their doors down, cause you know, its active.  

(like, why is he doing this, delegate man, your not commander Shepard) 

           All this combined actually comes together quite nicely at the ending or rather, it is one of the only two character arcs that are complete in Star Wars, Vader changes in each movie.  This is not fantastic story telling by any means, but Vader is the most iconic character for a reason, and his emotional arc is kinda more important than Luke for reasons I will get into later (seriously Luke’s story line is really weird). In the first movie, he is totally burned out, just kinda doing the Empire’s will out of inertia, and is so exhausted he basically on auto-pilot.  The only three scenes where he seems like he is paying attention is when somebody insults his religion, Obi One shows up, and Luke gives him a hard time in the Death Star Trench.  Rest of the time he just phoning it in. 

(weeeeee)

 In the second movie, Vader seems alive, active, mobile, like he actually has something to care about, and it is also freakily obsessive.  I know there is this meme of Vader murdering people at the drop of a hat, but I think that is less Vader and more this particular point in Vader’s life, he doesn’t kill anybody in the first movie, in fact a guy basically feels so confident that he again..insults Vader’s religion to his face. Sure he gets chocked afterwards, but can you imagine anybody doing that in the second movie?  Sometime between New Hope and Empire, Vader seems to have figured out who Luke is and now he has purpose, a goal, turn Luke and remade the Jedi order, since Palpetine seems to not to give a shit, so Vader is heading to that, regardless of how many ships he throws away officers he murders.  And at the climax of Empire he just…kinda retreats back into his depression, and mopes away.  .  

(jump to 10:35, I couldn’t get the whole sequence) 

   And while Jedi doesn’t focus that much on its main story (more on that later), Vader here seems to be totally conflicted even before Luke shows up. He is surely and unfocused, and basically is letting the Emperor take the wheels, except of course the Emperor doesn’t give a shit.  But it isn’t burnout, it’s the realization tht Vader might have to actually you know…consider an alternative possibility.  Before the Prequals corrupt our imagination of the past, the impression I had of Vader was a man who set a goal for himself and basically followed it for decades, even though in the process he kinda destroyed the thing he was trying to protect.  He is basically a hyper lawful person who isn’t creative enough to consider alternative possibilities, and only now with his family involved, does Vader actually thinking larger thoughts rather than immediate goals.  Going back to my thesis that the Force=Emotional Health, then Vader is finally realizing that his way of coping with the world and his emotions isn’t working at all, and he needs to actually choose what he wants.  

(wait...I have autonomy?) 

And even so, it takes him so fucking long to make up his mind at the end, because Vader is a really clannish type of person, he values his “Group” over everybody else, and picking between his master and his son is a hard choice.  And then he dies, movie over.  Honestly, Jedi kinda fails, but it has a pretty good arc for Vader, it’s the story about a fascist who questions “why did I become this?” You know that scene from pan’s Labyrinth where Captain Vidal slices his own reflections throat?  That is basically Vader character arc in a single scene

[academla]

Summer 2017 Update

Hey guys! Finally, another big update post. If you haven’t read these before, I split it into sections: Academic, Financial/Professional, Social, Mental Health, and anything else I feel like. Feel free to skim! (Give this a like if you’re actually reading it because I feel like most people ignore these update posts, which is fine, I’m just curious haha.)

Academic

I go back to school on September 5. I’m super excited, but I think my underlying anxiety has been affecting me a bit.

Classes I’m taking on campus: Classics of Children’s Literature, Abnormal Psychology, and Ethics & Society (an Honors seminar).

Classes I’m taking online: History of World Civilizations Before 1500 & Child Psychology.

Here are some comments on each class so far (I’m nothing if not thorough, guys):

Children’s Lit: Well, Harry Potter is on the reading list, so I’m already there. I’ve emailed the professor already and she seems super nice, so I’m pretty excited. The syllabus is a bit intimidating; I’m sure it will be fine, though, and having a nice professor makes a huge difference.

Abnormal Psych: I’m going to have the same prof as I did for Intro, and I’m really pumped about that (so is she). I’m nervous because the tests are harder and longer, but she was very reassuring that I’ll be fine. There was a whole issue because I thought that Abnormal had service learning linked to it (service learning is basically where you get experience doing things related to the course, so essentially volunteer/internship work) and was planning to use an internship that has been in the works since the winter for that. However, turns out that it isn’t linked. My prof was super nice and said she would be flexible. I emailed my adviser in a bit of a panic, and she informed me that actually service learning is no longer a requirement of my major. So, I’m going to go ahead and do the internship for my resume, but not have to worry about the assignments and grade aspect.

Ethics & Society: I don’t know anything about this really, but I do know that the professor is well-liked and I’ve seen him a few times.

History: Okay, so I hate history. I’m quite well-rounded as a student and I know that I’m lucky that most classes, I do very well in and enjoy. But history just... I don’t even know. My history teachers in the past have all thought I was really good, and I was grade-wise; I simply didn’t enjoy it. So to make this bearable, I know I need to have a professor I like. I was going to take it on campus, and emailed briefly with the professor I was going to have, but he had bad RateMyProfessors ratings and struck me as not very personable or understanding or nice. I checked about online courses and saw that there is one being taught by the director of the Honors College that I’m in, whom I really like and has a great reputation and ratings. Unfortunately there is a $125 fee associated with online courses that I wasn’t aware of, but cost-benefit wise, I really think I’ll be happiest like this.

Child Psych: Oh GOD. Why am I so extra? I emailed the prof once and she was super nice. Then I replied, and since online courses are different from real-life ones in that you don’t really get that ‘getting-to-know-you’ vibe with professors because it’s so remote, I mentioned that I can be an anxious student. I just said basically that means sometimes I’ll ask a lot of questions or check and double-check things for reassurance. I also asked if she was a professor willing to look at drafts or not. She completely got the wrong impression and sent back an email (that was quite final too; signed it “All the best”) as though I had been a hysterical student coming to her with anxiety that I had no idea how to handle. She told me that there are personal counseling services offered by the college as well as the writing center with writing tutors. I’ve had outside counseling for 7 years, and I’m a writing tutor... so that was ironic and also a little embarrassing. Whoops. Honestly, when I get embarrassed about things like that (which I often do) I kind of remind myself that I’m just there to learn and hopefully earn that A, so what they think of me doesn’t matter that much.

All and all, I’m excited for school to start. I want to learn things and take notes and have stuff to do. I also have waves of anxiety, which I’m working very hard to combat with reality checks and focusing on the positives. Oh, and I got an A somehow on my chem accelerated summer course :)

Financial

I have worked two jobs this summer after a lot of miscommunication and lack of clarity:

A preschool, the same one I worked at during my gap year. It was unfortunate because I thought I was going to work full-time there after my chem course, but they didn’t need me because they had so much help. I ended up working Thursdays and Fridays there and Monday through Wednesday at my dad’s job. Now that all the summer help is leaving, though, they’re back to being in desperate need. Everyone there is pretty stressed (and families have been leaving).

At the place my dad works. They produce food and formula for people with metabolic disorders (primarily PKU). I was extremely appreciated there, which was nice, and I got a $4 raise on my second week! They’re desperately understaffed and having problems with their products, as well as not being able to keep up with general demand. I electronically filed faxes dating back to 2016, stuffed envelopes (my favorite), put in tons of orders (one day I put in 34 out of a total 62 orders that day), and by the end was allowed to check emails and reply to some of them. I LOVED the job. However, there’s the possibility I might be able to work there on Fridays during the school year, which I would love. It’s stressful there because there’s so much shit going on and people are basically running around putting out fires all day, but I enjoy my work so much.

During the year, I’m hoping to work at my dad’s job on Fridays, do my psychology internship (if you don’t recall, I’m going to be working at a VA hospital helping with a study on suicide prevention), and tutor! I’m a math and writing tutor. They’re two completely different trainings and types of tutoring, so it should be interesting. Luckily we get to shadow a writing tutor for awhile before being on our own.

I’m not doing well with money, guys. The entire year of 2017, I’ve only made $300 or so. I’ve spent $1,800 on school, even with scholarships, and $940 on medical things such as medication and copays. I did win a $1,000 scholarship which has been very delayed in arriving and I’m praying it will get here by the end of this week or next week so it can be applied to my account. I didn’t work over winter break, which was really my downfall; I needed the time for a mental health break, though... so I’m trying not to beat myself up over it.

Unfortunately it took awhile too for me to lock down my jobs, meaning I only got to work for like 4 or 5 weeks. That really isn’t very much money even with the raise I got. Right now I’m owing $615 per month for my payment plan, and even with tutoring and potential Fridays at my dad’s job, I’m definitely going to lose money. I’m considering taking one winter class online, so I can still work all winter break. That $125 extra fee from my web class sure didn’t help me.

But I must soldier on! I’m going to make sure that none of my money ever goes to frivolous things and never goes to waste. Money is meant to be spent and not hoarded, as my mom reminds me, and it’s okay to spend some on things like going out every so often as well, so I shouldn’t be beating myself up for that (though I still am). School was always going to suck up money. I’m trying very very hard to stay in the moment now and not stress about next semester or worse, what will happen when I get hit with that $30k bill when I transfer and don’t have even close to that much saved.

Social

I’ve changed several times throughout my life socially. In 9th grade, I was extremely social because I needed to be and I had trouble being by myself. It was a lot like that through high school. When I made online friends in 11th grade, they were my social life while drama and bullying and shit went on in real life. Recently, I had a major burst in socialness online, and eventually reached breaking point when I became embroiled in drama.

Look, I’m 20 years old. I’m turning 21 in November. I had to ask myself, why the fuck am I on vacation with family, working on scholarship essays last-minute, and spending my time in the bathroom on my phone dealing with drama with someone years and years younger who’s slandering me to people whose opinions I shouldn’t give two shits about?

That was a big reality check. Because I wanted vengeance, I did. I wanted so badly to expose someone who was gleaning attention and convincing others and spreading half-truths and ruining people’s lives. But then I realized, you know what? That isn’t my goal in life. My goal in life isn’t to tear people down because they’ve torn others down. It’s so, so difficult. I was angry. I was upset. This person violated all of my principles. And we had the evidence against them, we could have potentially won most people over, and I wanted it not for my sake but for the sake of those they had hurt so much more than they hurt me.

But I couldn’t do it. In the end, I called it off. I backed out. I told people to lay off and let karma do its work. I realized how toxic the situation was, how absurd it was for me to be living on the internet when I’m in one of the most exciting periods of my life. How utterly imbecilic I was acting, getting caught up in so much senseless, meaningless, fruitless drama.

After that, I disengaged further from large social groups. I was already overwhelmed by the amount of people always trying to talk to me, so I had to cut myself off from that. And it feels so. Much. Better.

I’ve become more introverted, really. I work all day, then I write fanfiction and watch Netflix and color in my room by myself and I love it. I have any number of people I could hit up anytime and ask to hang out or video chat. But I don’t feel that push, that obsessive need, to be social all the time. Social media became addicting. I still work on that.

I’ve stayed in touch with real-life friends and done things with them when I had the energy, money, and time. Unfortunately my ex and then long-time guy friend both asked me out, and that was incredibly awkward, and the end of that. The trouble with my school is that there are a lot of dual enrollment students who are like, 16 or 17. Much as I love them, I’ve been thirsting for someone my own age with similar interests who I can hang out with. At the tutoring training I attended, I met someone (a guy, oooh). He’s 21 and we had a really good time together. I’m hoping we can hang out once the semester starts! I also met a girl who’s only 17, but she seems very mature and sweet and I also hope to hang out with her.

Things are good socially. I’m always working on that area of my life (with regards to mental health, mostly) but I’m still going strong. I have moments of loneliness for sure. However, I’m happy with myself and happy with my life. That’s what counts.

Mental health

If 10 is completely flawless and 0 is utter breakdown and 5 is rough, I would say my summer has been a solid 7 or 8. Which is pretty damn good!

Areas I’m working on still:

Body image. My ED voice has been loud this summer. That’s probably the area of most concern to me.

Anxiety. It hasn’t been too bad, but with transitions it usually increases, and I’ve noticed myself being more anxious (free-floating anxiety mostly) and irritable in the past few days.

Worrying way too much about others’ opinions. This pretty much traces to the internet. I mean, before I went on hiatus, I had tens of thousands of people criticizing my every word and move. That takes a toll. Moreover, as a fanfic writer, it’s pretty difficult to post things to the internet without craving comments and kudos and hits. I’ve turned off viewing hits for my own sanity, and taken breathers when I felt like I was getting too hung up on the ‘popularity’ of my fics. I write for myself, because I enjoy it. Not for the attention. I just have to remind myself of that from time to time, and I try not to be competitive. It’s really the numbers that get me - the hits and the kudos. I mean, I compare myself to people in different fandoms, fandoms I don’t even write for. It’s so dumb.

All in all, I’m proud of how I’ve been doing. I do have moments of stress mainly about money, but that’s par for the course. I would say I’ve made a 100% improvement from last summer/year and intend to continue doing so, even in light of the impending stressors.

Other

My new favorite movie is Gifted. Oh my god, I love it so much. I’ve seen it like, 5 times (2 of those were illegally whoops). I’ve been fairly active on Snapchat still - add me there edye327. I don’t really have much else to say, except thank you to people who have bought me things from my wishlist that I couldn’t otherwise afford. I haven’t gotten anything recently, but I just wanted to reiterate my appreciation.

If you’ve read this all the way through, reply with the color of your favorite shirt.

Much love,

Edye

[k-p-p-d]

[EXCLUSIVE] A Year in Reverse: An Insight into the Beautiful Minds behind K.P.P.D

By: Admins Tia ( @kpopbrowniefics​ ), CL ( @smutfictionaddicted​ ), and Kia ( @pocinamedia​ )

KPopPantyDrop.

A name which promises sinful and sensual experiences galore.

But also a name which evokes feelings of inclusion, support, love, tenderness, loyalty, care, humor, sassiness, and pride.

The blog has been a staple to many kpop fans of color and other marginalized who aren’t always represented in the mainstream avenues fans use to connect with each other.  What started as a spur of the moment decision has turned into, in some regards, a growing empire that centers around one very simple yet often difficult principle to adhere to:  Diversity.

In a rare moment of vulnerability and candidness, we spoke with the beautiful admins who graciously opened up to us for this exclusive interview.

Tia: First off, ladies, thank you so much for allowing us to interview you.  It’s rare we get a chance to have such meaningful conversations with all of you.

Soul: No, thank you for even agreeing to interview us!  We’re each huge fans of the three of you so really this is quite an honor.

CL: Flattery will get you everywhere with me! [laughs]  How about we get started with an easy question.  What is the meaning of your nicknames?

Winter: I’m a loser that likes Game of Thrones and ‘Winter is Cumming’ is pretty iconic...in my completely unbiased opinion.  Also wintertime can be soft flurries or can be a killer snowstorm, like me.

Syn: It’s apart of my first name. You are going to have to ask Lily why its “Syn” because I’m an angel. 

Lily:  It’s the inversion of the first half of my second middle name and I just really love lilies.  And Syn, your name is Syn because all you drop is sin in the group chat.

Rosa: Well I just recently changed my name; it’s because I’m known as the ‘English rose’ of the blog, though I don’t really know why... But I didn’t want Rose, so I chose to go Spanish with it and picked Rosa instead.

Soul: The nickname comes from the anime, Soul Eater (promo, go watch it). Uh, I always felt like I could relate to it in a way so that's why it's my nickname.

Blossom: I love flowers very very much, but my favorite of them all is the cherry blossom and that’s where i got it, pretty basic. [giggles cutely] 

Kiwi: I have no idea. I really don't, you're gonna have to ask the admins about this. I’d assume I'm sweet, but that'd be just a straight up lie. ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ 

Winter: Issa lie.

CL: What got you into kpop? When was it? What was the first kpop song you heard?

Kiwi: Well I had a glimpse of it when I was younger...I don’t remember how. Then last year (my Freshmen year of high school), a friend of mine brought it up and I remembered the faces of who I saw when I was younger (it was BTS btw if you wanted to know the first group, the it was Beast my friend showed me). That’s how I got back into it and decided to catch up on it.

Blossom: The first Kpop song heard was Ringa Linga by Taeyang or Hello Bitches by CL (i don’t remember) about a year and some months ago; after that I kinda just drowned in the life and that’s about it.

Soul: For me, this happened in two separate years. The first one was when I was in 7th grade(so 2012-2013). I saw a reaction video to SNSD’s Gee. I grew to like them but I never got into anyone else before I stopped listening entirely. Then fast forward to late 2015 or so, my best friend got me into Big Bang and I found BTS and Got7 on my own and the rest is history!

Rosa: Okay so I’ve told this story before, but my first K-anything was watching Gong Yoo in Coffee Prince when I was 13 or so and I fell in love with the man. I got into kpop though, when I was looking through youtube, and it recommended SNSD’s “Gee” to me, when it was just released in 2009. I clicked it out of sheer curiosity, but I loved it so much.. And boom! I fell into the kpop hole.

Lily: I fucked up and watched Try Guys Take KCONLA. Eugene Lee Yang is my non-monogamous life partner, as Winter would say, so when I saw how excited he was over showing the guys and their viewers some of his favorite things about Korean culture and media--I laughed my ass off when he LITERALLY kicked Ned in the chest to demonstrate some common elements of kdrama fight scenes--I just had to watch it.  So that was October 2015.  The first song I willingly listened to (I don’t really count me hearing “Gangnam Style” and “Fantastic Baby” back in 2012 since those 2 songs were played on the radio nonstop) was Big Bang’s iconic anthem “Bang Bang Bang.”  All it took was one electric fart and my ass was actual trash. That song and the rest of MADE series is probably why I’m such YG trash.

Winter: I honestly and truly don’t know when I got into kpop.  My friends where I lived before moving back south who were Asian would add songs to my playlists that they thought I would like.  So I’ve been listening to Kpop, Mandopop, Jpop, Jrock and Krock for nearly a decade; but I didn’t start paying attention to fandoms and learning members until a few years back.  It’s funny because when I realized kpop was starting to take over my playlists, I sent a message in our Facebook group asking them why no one ever told me I like kpop.  They then reminded me I’m slow and they told me years ago.

Syn: I got into Kpop out of sheer procrastination. It was fall of 2014, and a lot was going on with my college classes, I hated my major, I was hold on to some family issues and my mental health was deteriorating. I was in a very dark place and I just needed an outlet. So I went on youtube and one video recommendation lead to another and I found out about Eric Nam’s “Ooh Ooh”. He was doing an interview and I thought he was goofy and cute and had to find more music of his. That lead me to ASC and ultimately the world of kpop. I remember distinctly that I was watching a BTS episode for “No More Dreams” and seeing them interact with each other and the fans and smiling, goofing off; that episode made me simile for the first time in a long time. I would like to say kpop helped me get through that year and gave me motivation to finish what I started and just to get better overall.

CL: If you had to chose only one book, one song, one food and one movie, what would you pick? Just one of each!

Rosa: 

Book: Oh Lord, I read a lot.. Erm, I’m gonna say The Vampire Diaries books, because I’m currently reading them again for the 100th time. And I’m not tired of them. 

Song: Nah, I can’t choose.. I have many different favourites, from different genres. It’s impossible to pick one. 

Food: Hot wings (i mean the dry, crispy ones) or Spag bol or Fried dumplings. 

Movie: White Chicks. I’ve watched this film many, many times that I can quote pretty much every single line. But still I’m dying of laughter every time I watch it.

Lily: 

Book: Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky.  I love the story and I haven’t finished reading it all the way through yet so it’d keep me entertained for a while.  

Song: I know this is really...depressing, I guess, but it’d have to be Mozart’s last Requiem, specifically “Lacrymosa.” I just love it SO much.

Food: Lasagna. It’s my love language.  

Movie: Skyfall.  As Winter can attest, I am a massive Bond aficionado (I’ve seen all 24 films and one of my goals in life is to drive or at the very least ride in a 1964 Aston Martin db6, my dream car honestly) and this to me is everything that a Bond film should be. I could watch it for weeks on end and never be tired of it.

Kiwi:

Book: Wake by Lisa McMann.

Song: “Clairvoyant” by MISOGI.

Food: Hot pot. 

Movie: Coraline.

Winter:

Book: The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova; I’ve read it a few times now and I’m enthralled every time.  

Song: Impossible, I couldn’t survive with just one song.  That would be torture. 

Food: Chicken and rice, maybe?  Yeah, that’s always good.  Or cheesy eggs and rice.  YUM!  

Movie: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.  NO!  Cleopatra, mainly because it’s long as hell and I can break it up and watch it by sections when I need a distraction.

Syn:

Book: The Color Purple by Alice Walker. Unfortunately, I haven’t had time to leisurely read and expand my book collection but anything by Alice Walker is a classic and they way she writes is amazing. 

Song: “Reflection” by Lea Salonga. Now truthfully I can’t choose, and if anyone asks me this question again it would change. But I love this song oh so much. It’s depressing af but it speaks the truth and it spoke to me growing up. 

Food: My mom’s seafood gumbo. Just everything.

Movie: Disney’s Mulan. That was the first disney female character I could connected with. Like every movie I’ve seen before that was like ‘damsel in distress, prince come save me, I’m a princess but my life would be better with a man’. Mulan said, ‘EFF DAT BRUH.’ She said, ‘Eff marriage! Yeah I know I’m different. I’m gunna go into the army so my Father won’t have to. I’m just as good--if not BETTER--than these guys, killed the enemy, the bish SAVED China, the Emperor gave her props, AND STILL GOT THE HOT GUY AT THE END!! Just sayin….. Mulan the GOAT.

Soul:

Book: Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson. 

Song: “Still Breathing” by Allison Iraheta. 

Food: Pizza.  

Movie: The original Halloween; I can watch it over and over.

Blossom:

Book: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 

Song: Any piano cover. I  love piano covers. 

Food: Chicken wraps. 

Movie: Howl’s Moving Castle cause I’ve only seen it once and it would take me awhile to get tired of it.

Kia: Based on who your Ultimate Bias is, what would be the ultimate first date?

Rosa: Hm.. This one's hard cause I have so many possible answers. But I’d say either me and JB would go to a concert.. Like one of those chill throwback r&b concerts, where a bunch of artists get together and perform their songs. Or we’d go to a theme park, ride a bunch of coasters and he’d win me a huge stuffed animal. Either one would be followed by, food.. Lots. Of. Food. We’d bring it to a open space somewhere, with blankets, lights, drinks, music.. just laugh, eat, dance and chill.

Syn: I have like categories of who my UB’s are and usually it’s person I fell in love with out of the group. When i think about it they all have one thing in common and is that they are silly, goofy, outgoing and fun. So I would love to go on a like carnival/state fair type of date. Play games, win prizes, ride rides (except roller coasters I don’t eff with those) , share junk food and just basically let our inner child run free. Cliche, but I would love it.

Winter: It depends since my Ultimate changes with the breeze.  But I think a good first date would involve meeting, getting dinner/drinks/coffee and then just walking around and talking.

Soul: I have too many ults to truly answer this question, it changes up too much so it really depends on the specific person I'm into at the time.

Kiwi: I really don't know I don't think about this. I guess just a date with nature involved? Like maybe hiking???

Lily: Honestly, I’m horrible at these kinds of questions since I have far too many interests in general. And it certainly doesn’t help that Lay has just as many in common. So I think we’d have to keep it simple in order to truly enjoy each other’s company and really experience the other… I guess the best way to do it would be maybe a cooking class or we both cook dinner for each other together. Can hardly go wrong with great food and even better company.

Blossom: I feel like Yongguk is the type to take you out to a romantic dinner for a first date. Just imagining it is making my cheeks heat up! So cute!

CL: I actually have a follow-up for that! If your bias asked you out on a date, and asked you to bring friends for the other members of his group, who would you pick?

Winter: All the girls of legal age from our blog and sister blogs.  [turns towards Soul, Blossom, & Kiwi] Sorry !

Syn: [nods head] What Winter Said. All my biases are at least 21 or older soooooo yeah, sorry y’all.

Lily: Well I’d bring all the girls! Duh!

Soul: All the admins; but if I had to pick one, it'd be Blossom of course.

Blossom: [hugs Soul tight] MY TWIN SOUL!

Kiwi: I'm just gonna bring all the girls so they don't fight me on why I didn't choose them.

Rosa: I’d bring all the girls. [turns to the rest] There’s 5 boys to choose from so yous can scramble over ‘em.

Lily: Kiwi, Rosa, and I are Switzerland it seems. [laughs]

Kia: So let’s say you were strolling down the streets of Seoul just being your fabulous selves.  Or New York or Los Angeles... I don’t know. ANYWAY. If you were ever scouted for KPOP, would you go into training?

Winter: [pulls out megaphone] HELL NO! 

Syn: Can I borrow this? [reaches over to grab megaphone] HELLZ TO DA NAW!! As much as I would love to wear the amazing wardrobe and to be able to perform I couldn’t handle everything that comes with it. The extreme criticism, the little to none creative freedom, barely seeing my family, the sasaengs, the blatant racism. Naw, they can keep that. I’m good.  

Lily: I’ve been performing nearly all my life (whether it was band/orchestra, choir/show choir, plays/musicals).  Actually, college (except freshman year) was the first time I wasn’t on a stage.  So I’d say yes since I really do miss performing and I have such a passion for music. Granted, I know I’d face a shit ton of backlash and go through so much shit (discrimination, racism, you name it) but I think it really would all be worth it just to be on stage again. (Man, I’m such a sappy mess.)  Plus it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I’d forever kick myself if I didn’t do it.

Soul: Uh, I have mixed emotions on this. Personally, I think I'd say no simply because I'm not talented in that department. Buuut, I'd do it for the experience. There’d be so much racism and discrimination I'd endure but I think I could get through it.

Blossom: First of all I get home sick really really fast, second, I get angry pretty fast too and if i had to go through just 10% of what some idols had to deal with i would be burning my company to ashes and punching everyone in the face

Kiwi: [in her best Simon Cowell voice] It’s a no for me.

Rosa: I would, to be frank. I’d miss my family... Like a lot. But I can’t help but think of all the amazing experiences I would get, I would be able to learn Korean easier as well. Plus I would love to be on the stage.

Kia: Okay, well let’s say you worked for a company as a manager.  If you could be the manager of any girl/boy group or KHH artist who would it be and why?

Winter: For girl groups, I want to manage Stellar or EXID probably.  I feel like they could do so much more if they were handled properly.  There are so many boy groups, but I would definitely want to manage HotShot, Cross Gene or Ukiss.  They have so much talent but it’s not being shown as well as it could be.

Soul: For me, it'd instantly go to Oh My Girl or EXID as well. Both groups have such underlying talent that's too overlooked in the industry. They're both equally amazing in their own ways and I think I could make people see that.

Rosa: Boy Group? Hmmm... There’s two. First is Got7. Surprised? I didn’t think so. It would be so cool and fun to chill with them, discuss music with them, dance with them. I would literally do an album that was all smooth r&b tracks, that I know the boys have been screaming to do since forever. I would show all the foreheads, and allow them to actually let loose and do their thing with music/choreo. Literally their deepest musical desires, I’d help them fulfill.  The second is Block B. Because I love them so much as well, I’d help them get all the recognition. Like you would never know. I’d up the exposure to 10,000, the whole world would know.

Blossom: TOPP DOGG! I would treat them right and let them finally go and blow people away with all their talent. They deserve BETTER. For KHH... NADA! She’s freaking amazing and beautiful and her flow is so good.

Lily:  Hmm… For boy group, it’d definitely be--yep, you guessed it--MadTown.  I think it’d be really fun to co-manage with their current manager Kevin because he’s just an adorable ball of fluff who really loves them and, of course, they’re my boys so I’d work my ass off to get them every opportunity possible to let each of them and/or all of them shine.  For girl groups, it’d either be BlackPink or Red Velvet.  I’m such a sucker for them and I’d constantly be hyping them up like the stage mom I know myself to be.  For KHH, it’s hands down Jessi.  The staff at her company--except for a select few, most notably her current manager who she adores--are so shitty and she honestly deserves better so you can bet I’d get her on every show I could that would allow her to fully express herself as an artist and person.

Syn: For one I wouldn’t manage any boy group just because I couldn’t deal with the crazy amount of fan girls that would be surrounding/following them. Love them but naw I’m good. For girl groups I would love BlackPink just because they seem like fun and energetic girls but also sweet and respectful. For KHH, anyone from AOMG because they are all foolish and I know there wouldn’t be a boring day managing them.

Kia: One last question from me and I hope you have your thinking caps on because it’s kind of hard.

Lily: Oh my stress.

Kia: Hush. Anyway. Say you were the head coordinator for the MAMAs what would be your performance line up. And what we award would you add? Take away?

Syn: [laughs] Dang this is a hard one.  Mainly because I’ve only watched  two full MAMA’s and clips of another one. I would love more collab stages of the artists/groups that are on the same level. Like rookies with rookies, vets with vets and that such. OH! I would love a BTS & EXO collab stage just because the fanwars are getting too ridiculous and I want everyone to share the love. I would add more KHH awards and also more awards for artists from other countries. Like it is called Mnet ASIAN Music Awards, why are they only focused on acts from Korea? Also get rid of the Netizen Popularity Award. Like we don’t need more drama than it already is.

Winter: Open with a rookie collab stage, close with the veteran artist that promoted that year.  In with the future and show proper respect to the elders, yanno.  I would bring back Best Mixed Performance so KARD has that locked down and--like Syn--get rid of the Netizen Popularity Award because that is just some bull that fuels fandom wars.

Lily: Hmmm… I’d also open with a massive rookie collab stage.  But like a super dramatic one to really make an impact and let folks know this ain’t ya ordinary MAMA’s (think 2013 and 2015 MAMAs on steroids).  I’d have different underdog groups perform between the different award presentations/awards clusters to show off their talents.  As we go through the night, I’d have the bigger groups perform and work my way up to the veteran artists.  For the final stage, I’d think it’d be really badass to have a collab stage with all senior-most veteran artists to collab together for a stage.  Oh! I’d also love to do collab stages with artists of the same companies (groups from smaller companies would get mixed in with the groups from bigger ones). I would get rid of Netizen awards as well because let’s be real they’re kinda pointless and cause so much unnecessary drama.  Like our focus should be on the music, not some pointless drama.

Rosa: I haven’t got a clue lol. I just wanna see a whole bunch of collabs, including rookie collabs. I want Got7 to actually have a proper stage to themselves for once, instead of performing like one song. [rolls eyes] I also want to see some of the veterans of kpop perform on their own, or even collabing with newer groups/artists. Netizen awards can burn.

Kia: So Netizen awards are officially canceled?

All: And deleted. [all laugh]

Tia: Oh man, I’m so glad I didn’t have to answer that! [laughs] You guys are such incredible writers but you are also relatively avid readers. What overused prompt for fanfiction is secretly your favorite? Jaebum is your brothers best friend, Grew up with S. Coups etc…

Winter: I think my favorite overused prompt is you bump into each other in public and you just have to have one another.  Whether it be the club, a store or coffee shop.  I just think it’s so ridiculous but hilarious.

Rosa: Well actually, I don’t read a lot of fanfiction, so i don’t see many overused prompts. [giggles] But ‘brothers best friend’ is one that I have seen more than once, yet I love it.

Soul: My favorite prompt would be childhood best friends. I don't know, there's something about the bond of people that grew up together that I can get behind. It's really cliche but I love it anyways.

Blossom: I like when they growing up up together and they gradually fall in love with each other, it’s so cute.

Kiwi: The best friends and they’re both oblivious, but everyone else knows they like each other. Some of the situations are just pure ignorance and it's great.

CL: If you guys had to pick your favorite fanfic writers, who’d make it to your list at the moment?

Syn: Too many to choose from but our sister blogs are my go-to’s.

Winter: You three of course! As well as @chanyeolspout​ and all the admins here.  I don’t usually find and stick with one writer but I do with these ladies.  I also don’t read any Reader x Idol stories if they didn’t write them.

Lily: Winter hit the nail on the head here! I also really love what Iris of @jeonjagiya​ creates (her Hoseok series “Transference” is INCREDIBLE) and I have a huge soft spot for Lu of @tayegirecs​ and Kara of @seokvie because they were two of the first fanfic writers I actively followed when I got into kpop.  Off of Tumblr, it’d be seitsemannen (AO3); her GOT7 work “Playhouse” is a MASTERPIECE.

Soul: I agree with Winter as well. I haven't really had time to branch out on my own yet haha.

Blossom: I agree with Winter, all our admins and the lovely sister blogs!

Kiwi: Tayegi, @pjimims and the rest are what Winter said.

Rosa: I don’t really read fanfiction so I don’t really know...  But I gotta say, tayegi with her "Equilibrium” series is great. Also, @please-baby-calm-down is good too; I love "Three’s a Crowd.” I need to catch up on both of these though! As you can see i love poly fics. [giggles]

CL: So let’s talk more about the blog.  What motivated you to start this blog in the first place? Where does the name KPPD comes from?

Kiwi: It all started in the group chat we all joined. A couple of late nights later we had the idea and inspiration to make a blog together. I don't know the real inspiration though. I’d say we were all hyping each other up.

Winter: Good question!  I don’t know...I wasn’t expecting this to be this big or go this far honestly.  Like, we’ve been doing this for a year and have all these followers, an Instagram account and a merch store?  BANANAS!

Soul: The motivation really just came from the group chat we were in. Everyone was on board to start a blog and it had such a good meaning behind it and I loved what everyone was bringing to the table.

Lily: I think it was Winter that came up with our blog name.  We were just tossing out random titles and she said and no one could top it.

Blossom: Retweet Soul and I honestly don’t remember who came up with the blog name but I’m guessing Lily is probably right--she has a good memory.

Rosa: I didn’t want to join the blog at first, because I thought wtf I can’t write anything, so what am I gonna do on this blog? But I’m kinda glad I did. Nobody remembers [chuckles], but I actually came up with the name for the blog: We were spitballing names in the chat, and I put forward some stupid joke names, but then I said Kpop Panty Drop and everyone was cool with it. So that’s what we went with.

Lily: Please let the record show my memory has failed me and I shall never again speak without receipts.

Winter: I never thought this day would come...Lily, silent? A miracle. [snickers]

Tia: You each have different styles of writing but if you had to pick a niche of writing that you specialize in what would it be? Thriller? Fantasy? Romance? Suspense?

Winter: I think my niche is that I have no niche.  As long as I’m interested in the genre I can write for it.  I originally thought I would just be a smut writer and nothing more.  But being able to challenge myself with other styles and succeed at them, in my unbiased opinion of course, is pretty awesome.

Rosa: I don’t really know.. I think I would love to do them all tbf. I haven’t written any fantasy yet though, but I would like to try!

Lily:  I am more drawn to suspense and thrillers but I haven’t had a chance really to write those genres yet as much as I would like.  I will say that I do enjoy writing drama though not necessarily romance and sometimes angst. I think for me romance comes secondary in a lot of my longer plots unless it’s smut in which a lot of times that romance has to be or have been established in those characters’ relationships.  I tend to throw little sprinkles of fantasy in my writings here and there so I think it’s about damn time I actually write a fantasy story.

Soul: For me, I think its mix of everything. If I feel like it goes with how I'm feeling, then I'll write about it. However, there's usually romance and suspense in there.

Blossom: Lately i’ve been trying to write a little bit of everything! But no matter what there’s usually some type of romance, what can i say. I love love!

Kiwi: I really don’t know. I haven’t written in so long, but from past writings I think it would be suspense.

CL: Does anyone in your personal life know that you run this blog and/or write fanfic? If so, are they supportive? Did you tell them the contents of the blog or no?

Winter: My mom knows lmao.  She actually read my SsamD smut, it was super awkward but she hasn’t read anything since.  Since she’s my boss it kinda works that she knows about the blog because I’ll say I need time to work on something because I actually have inspiration and she knows how I am.  My long distance bestie/sometimes friends with benefits knows.  He helped me with Stalemate actually.

Syn: Nope! I mean they don’t even understand my kmusic obsession, they are not going to understand this blog. Plus most of my family is like super religious so if they were to find out I work on a blog called “KpopPANTYDROP” I would be shamed… *cue the Game of Thrones reference scene*

Lily: Nope. It’s not that I’m ashamed of the blog (I mean my family and friends have walked past me while I’ve been writing and adjusting things on the blog) but it’s just never come up in conversation and I’m the type of person that if you don’t ask me something, I won’t answer it because I won’t know to answer it.  Plus my family and friends already know that I listen to all kinds of music so they never once batted an eye when they heard me listening to kpop because my tastes are just that eclectic.

Rosa: Nah nobody knows. My brother has read smuts on the blog but he doesn’t know I’ve written them or whatever. I’m cool with them not knowing too. I’m a very secretive person, and I keep myself to myself anyway so yeah.

Soul: This girl from school knew. All the admins know what I'm talking about lol. And my best friend knows, they were super supportive. I told my best friend what's on the blog, the other girl knew already.

Blossom: Yes, a lot of people know I have them blog with the other admins but they don’t know the content loll. Only like 2 people know the content and they are very supportive!

Kiwi: My mom knows I run a blog, but she doesn’t know what type of blog and I'm gonna keep it that way. Other than that my two close friends know about the blog.

Tia: Okay, now to get a little bit more serious.  When it comes to writing what's your weakness? What do you think you can't do or needs improvement?

Lily: I get too caught up in the details which, ironically, really muddles up the images I’m trying to portray.  I also get really hung up on technical things which can also impede the voice, flow, color of the story.  There’s been so many times where I will write and rewrite a particular sentence just to get it right that by the time I’ve finished editing, I’ve lost a lot of motivation to finish writing for that day.  I just have to step back and remind myself not to get in my way and by extension the characters’ way.

Rosa: Okay, I have a ton of weaknesses when it comes to writing.. So I’m gonna be lame and say everything is my weakness. I tend to waffle a bunch as well sometimes, and my fics make no sense.

Soul: It's all me. I think I'm my biggest weakness because I don't really like my writing all that much. Compared to the other admins, it's shit haha. I know I can be better at what I do, I just need the confidence to push myself.

Blossom: Self doubt, I worry a lot that my writing just isn’t good enough for the blog sometimes and that my spot as an admin is undeserved. Which is my why it takes me so long to write my fics and they’re so short. I put a lot of effort into my works but there's still lots of room for improvement. I want to be best of the best and I’m nowhere near close to that.

Kiwi: I can’t do shit. I’ll write, reread what I wrote, think it's not good enough, delete it, then take a long break. That's my process. I need to improve everything. (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

Winter: My weakness is me.  I honestly think my writing is shit, which I’m not supposed to say but I’ve always been my harshest critic and biggest anti-fan.  Whatever I do it can always be better, I can do better.

Lily: For the record, I would just like tell all of you that you’re wrong and I will happily continue to aggressively compliment you until you believe it and in yourselves. That is all.

Kia: I second Lily.

CL: I third.

Tia: I fourth.

CL: Okay, back to the tough questions: As poc, what is your biggest challenge in the kpop fandom?

Rosa: Pretty much people telling me I shouldn’t like this person or that group or whatever, because of this drama and that drama.. Let me, do me. I’m an adult, I can look at things, and make a logical decision for myself. Don’t tell me what to do. Also, people telling me “I’ve let black people down, I’m a disgrace to my race.” No. I love Korean culture as in the foods and music, but I’m not out here bleaching my skin or denying my blackness so please tell me how I’m letting poc down? Plus if I were to cut off everything that offended me--colour wise, gender wise, religion wise--I would have to live on Mars, because it’s everywhere.

Winter: My biggest challenge is also people telling me to be angry.  I hate it and think about leaving the blog at least twice a month when I see/read a “Why would you support this/them?  Why aren’t you angry right now?”  I have a LOT of anger in me from everyday stresses and I can’t afford a therapist to work through it.  Music is my therapy, so I don’t go into it looking for things to be angry about.  If that was the case I wouldn’t be able to listen to any music that was made...damn near ever.  Appropriation, racism, colorism, sexism, all the -ism’s and just blatant stupidity is rampant EVERYWHERE.  I’m not going to argue about someone when if something offends me I can simply, turn it off and listen to something else.  My motto is one of RuPaul’s quotes: “If they don’t pay your bills, pay those bitxhes no mind."

Syn: Everything Winter said. Plus people that tell me I shouldn’t be listening to them because they take from black music. Like if you are so called “woke” then you would know almost every popular genre of music out there have was taken from Black people. Like so you don’t want me to listen to music at all?

Soul: we’re always looked at as problematic when an idol blatantly takes our culture and we shut they asses down. Sheer ignorance and it seems like your opinions don't matter.

Blossom: 1. People always look down on us 2. The colorism and ignorance 3. The unneeded drama

Kiwi: Being represented the correct way. Pure ignorance. They want the culture but not the lifestyle. Blackface (this isn't just kpop this is in general).

CL: You guys have endured a lot within this past year, most notably several plagiarism scandals. Have the plagiarism episodes changed you in any way? What would you like to say to people who do this?

Soul: It's made me more cautious. I haven't put out anything but it's given me a slight fear to do so. To the people who do it, have fun because y'all gon steal from the wrong one and y'all gon end up in court or jail. And originality is a thing, get some of it, it's free.

Lily: It has made us more...guarded I guess you could say. We’re all more hyper vigilant in monitoring activity on and off the blog. It still really--pardon my language-- fucking hurts and it’s incredibly disheartening to see your works stolen. For every 100 words written, there’s at least upwards of 3 hours spent writing and perfecting them. So a story--even a drabble--takes at least a day and in many cases several months to complete. But in a matter of seconds, all your hard work and effort you spent crafting this piece into something that you are actually happy enough with to publish is practically ripped from your hands and it’s really a slap in the face and a kick in the gut. I really wanted to stop writing altogether after each theft because I didn’t want to feel that pain and anger anymore but I kept on-- I keep on because it’s something that I love and I’ll be damned if I give anyone the satisfaction of breaking me.

Blossom: It just made me pay a bit more attention to things, look out more. To the people that do it...just do better hun! Take your time and your own ideas and inspiration will come to you! Remember the process of writing take a lot of time and don’t be surprised or act stupid when and original author and their followers comes for you.

Rosa: Nah, it hasn’t changed me much. I just think I care less now. To the people who do it, I just want to say that karma is gonna get them one day.

Winter: I’m more...meh now.

Kiwi: Karma is gonna have a great time in your next life ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Syn: What I would say to them? Hmmm..... Fuck you.

CL: I don’t know if I told you, but it was because of your answer to one of my anon question in your confessionary that I had the courage to write my Fat Fiction Series. You guys make such a positive influence on countless people (especially for marginalized groups) and I’m living proof. How do you guys deal with this amazing task? Do you have similar stories like mine (with you and/or followers)? And do you guys have your own personal struggles, like body or health issues, sexuality, etc and do they contribute in any way to your work in KPPD?

Blossom: Well cheese puffs… I didn’t know that and i never really thought of us having an influence on people. To me it’s usually just us saying how we feel and expressing our opinions on things people come and ask/tell us.  We’re all young and still growing into ourselves. I struggle with my emotions and expressing them properly, anxiety, i have back problems, like the list goes on and on lol but i know no matter what it’ll be okay! I used to not be able to look at myself in the mirror and now all i see is beauty, i used to hide and not speak about my sexuality but now i really don’t care, I used to cry myself to sleep every. Night. Now my smiles are real and i have an amazing happiness surrounding me. I 100% think my personal issues and such influence my writings and contributions to the blog, many of my ideas are from real life events or things that reminded me of someone or something in my life.

Soul: I've always struggled with my sexuality. I've never know what I truly was or what I liked so I don't put a label on myself anymore. I was so afraid that no one would accept me for who I was and it truly got to me when I came out to my mom, I didn't hear what I thought I would. It wasn't that she didn't accept it but she didn't believe me. I'm over it now honestly. I never thought about our influence on people. I didn't think we were that kinda blog

Kiwi: I just don't like myself at all. Not the amazing story you were looking for unfortunately. As Lily likes to say, “Practice what you preach.” Never happens in my life, just my writing.

Rosa: I mean I don’t think I’ve had any part in creating positive influences on people. But I’m glad the blog and other admins are able to do it. I have many issues, many... It’s impossible to list. I’m not about to start a pity party, but I’ve always hated the way I look, and always hated my weight. Ever since I was younger and I can’t escape it, no matter how many people tell me I’m not fat or whatever, it’s just something I’ve accepted so yeah. Health issues? Ugh where do I start? I always joke and say hospital is my second home, but it’s the truth. I am always in hospital for something or another and don’t get me started on mental health. As for sexuality, that’s the only thing I’ve never had any problems with.. Erm...in regards to writing, I haven’t put any of my issues into any writings I’ve done. Just because I don’t really want to, ‘cause I wouldn’t know how to write it and I want to keep my stuff separate from the blog.

Winter: I never struggled with my sexuality per se, I just never gave a damn.  And I have some health issues now that I, I don't want to say battle because my struggles aren't even that bad just inconvenient.  But I still struggle with body issues.  I've always been big. I've been 5’10” since third grade and that was hard to move to a new school and just be this random tall kid from the South.  Then I got a few injuries and wasn't able to be as active so I started gaining weight when I learned to cook.  I've never been too comfy in my own skin, so when we have someone come in and say they struggle with it I get it.  But even though I struggle myself, I hate to see someone feel less than.  I'm always told I need to practice what I preach, maybe one day. 

Lily: First off Rosa, that’s a lie: You have contributed so much and influenced so many people in so many ways just by being unapologetically you.  I think that goes for all of us, but for you especially.  Okay now that’s off my chest... this is going to be really long but...

I think my biggest aim since day one has been to just make everyone who I’ve come into contact with--followers, mutuals, and admins alike--feel that they have an ally that’s always with them no matter what it is they may be going through.  We each endure so much on a daily basis from any number of struggles and issues we may have in our lives and our individual struggles are just as valid as someone else’s. 

Honestly, I’m the type of person who can endure the worst of the worst so long as it means I’m able to put on a brave face and be strong for someone else.  I know it’s not the best thing for me to push my feelings down, but it’s just something I’ve done all my life.  When I’m in a solid mindset and I’m alone, I unpack everything and process it then.  I like to handle my struggles privately because I often feel that they’re not as important as others’ may be.  Yes, I know that sounds really hypocritical and it is to an extent; but I do open up to the girls about things after I’ve processed my emotions and understand where I was in that moment versus where I am in this one.  I think the first time I fully opened up to them was back in May and it was specifically about some very hurtful things people I had once truly cared for and loved had said about and toward me.   It took me even more by surprise than them because I had done it so freely and without second thought and without any filtering. I just laid it all bare without any expectations of reciprocation or condemnation and really it was just so… The love and care they showed me in that moment is something I will be grateful for forever.

There’s a story--actually, there’s two stories I’m working on right now that haven’t been published that are very close to my heart because they’re the first time I’ll really be allowing some of the darker corners of myself be seen through the lenses of these characters.

Tia: If I may, I just really want to thank you guys for opening up about your struggles. It’s not an easy thing to do, but so many others--such as ourselves--have taken inspiration from your strength. You all have such beautiful spirits.

All: Thank you!

CL: I hate to ruin such a sweet moment with a little filth buuuuuuuut that’s what I’m here for! Writing smut can be fun, exciting and steamy, but how do you feel when the public only goes for the nasty? You guys voiced your discontempt with smut being the biggest (many times the only) expectation of the public before, did it get any better after the hiatus?

Winter: I am a pervert.  You can ask the other admins, 69% of the things I say is sexual or I’m laughing at something my brain made dirty.  That being said, I don’t really like writing smut anymore.  Well, it’s not that I don’t like it.  I just have zero confidence in it.  I’m a kinky person in society’s eyes but I never knew my kinks were kinks until the admins pointed it out to me.  So, I’m scared I guess that I’ll write something that goes too far.  I never want to make someone feel uncomfortable or triggered.  That being said I’m trying to accept that there are people out there like me who are searching for stories with kinks like ours.  Not the same old spank me, bite me, pull my hair.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Soul: I think at the time, it was harder for me to deal with because I can't live up to expectations. It was draining and annoying but I love the way I write now and some people actually appreciate what we do.

Rosa: Um, to be honest, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care. I don’t care what people want any more. [shrugs] Sorry but it’s true. I think I has improved after the hiatus, because I posted ‘Rivalry’ thinking it wouldn’t go anywhere because it didn’t have any smut in it, but almost 600 notes later (I still don’t know why it has so many notes) I guess I was proven wrong?

Blossom: Because it’s a really good story, Rosa! But yeah. January 1st when we opened our requests we prolly got the most fluff and angst requests we’ve ever had, i think people understand a bit better that we’re not just smut writers, we do everything and each admin has their own specialty.

Kiwi: I understand, but at the same time I actually am not a big fan of smut without a plot. I have my limits meaning I don't mind it, but sometimes enough is enough. The admins are not some smut generator. I’m glad people are beginning to realize that and actually ask for other genres or ask for smut that has an actual plot.

Lily:  As frustrating and annoying as it was (and sometimes is), I get it.  We advertised ourselves as a sin bin for the longest time. I mean just look at our blog’s name.  We just made the mistake of truly believing in our hearts that all our followers wanted from us is smut (which yanno is fun to write sometimes but not all the time) so we put all our other fic projects to the side and just focused on churning out filth, but our hearts weren’t in it so it was just really draining and created such unnecessary tension between us (former admins included) that shouldn’t have been there.  But now I can say that things are a lot better between us which really reflects on the blog.  We’re closer than ever though because of all we went through so that’s been a blessing.

CL: To all admins who worked on “Seoul Nights”: This is one of my personal favorite fanfictions ever and one of the first works I’ve read in KPPD. What do you guys feel about it? And as a fan, I need to ask: can we hope to read more from this universe in the future?

Winter: I feel like Seoul Nights is a hidden gem in the Kpop AU world.  People see it and think, oh yeah another mafia AU great.  In fact Lily and I spent WEEKS developing each character's personalities and quirks.  We plotted them out down to the knives hidden under their designer suit jackets (as well as which designers they wear), even their hair color is a decision discussed between us.  But it barely gets any attention and that’s kind of disheartening but at the same time I don’t care because I am so invested in each character's plotline and making sure they get a proper introduction and the story is as fluid as possible. You will read so much more about this universe in the time to come.  You’re still in the introduction phase for this universe.  I don’t want to give away what’s going to happen but I will tell you this.  *leans closer*  Seoul Nights connects with multiple stories on the blog, some have already been published and some are coming this summer.  But this universe is vast and the rabbit hole goes deep.

Lily: There’s really nothing more I can add to this except... [crouches down to show off fake Timbs and claps] FACTS.  It is our precious baby and while we would love for it to get more attention, we’re really grateful for those who have faithfully read the series and are keeping up with it.  Plus, I don’t think there’s really anyone who is more excited for this universe than either of us as well as the other admins who are also contributing to it.  So yeah. I would definitely encourage you to read the series again and again because when things really get rolling, well…

Kia: So what you’re saying is you’re about to kill us?

Winter: Maybe, maybe not~ You’ll just have to see.

Kia: I hate you.

Winter: You don’t but it’s fine. Because I know something you don’t know~

CL: I’m just going to go ahead and write up my will. Just in case.

Winter: Wise choice. [chuckles]

Tia:  I actually have some questions for each of the admins individually. Who would like to go first?

All: We volunteer Lily as tribute.

Lily: Y’all suck.

Syn: Only for Papi. [winks]

Kia: Nassy!

Tia: Y’all are a mess! [laughs] So Lily, you are self-confessed trash for Zhang Yixing--

Lily: AN ANGEL AMONG MEN, WHOM WE DO NOT DESERVE!!!

Tia: --so I’d love to get your take on a couple things.   Do you think that SM’s unfair treatment of Lay will ultimately cause a disruption in the group? On the off chance that SM decides that EXO can do without Lay how will you react?

Lily: I didn’t realize I was presenting my dissertation today. Oh, heavens, I’m so unprepared! [pushes glasses up nose and pulls out notecard while clearing her throat] Actually, I don’t think SM has treated Lay unfairly recently.  Yes, it was incredibly disheartening to see that we wouldn’t have a full EXO comeback but instead EXO-XSBCCDKS (talk about a subunit name!), but we have to look at the facts:  SM allowed Lay to create his own satellite studio in China; no other artist prior to him had been able to do that.  SM also allowed him to self-compose and release a Station track in Chinese; it became the first (and so far only) Chinese solo station song and it broke several streaming records in China. Finally, SM allowed him to release his first mini album which he self-composed, arranged, and wrote as well as helped to produce in Chinese.  The album shattered countless records in China, such as number of albums (physical and digital copies) sold and streaming records, almost daily just about.  He single-handedly saved EXO’s reputation in China and became one of China’s golden sons with his appearance on the hit variety show “Go Fighting!” and through his roles in several TV dramas and films.  He even got to co-host two of the largest festival broadcasts in the nation!  I mean he isn’t called the Prince of Changsha for nothing, you know.  Everything that he’s done over the past few years has been done with EXO’s benefit as well as his own benefit in mind.  He has the most autonomy out of all the members because he wields so much power in China, which is a massive market, so he chooses and finalizes his schedules accordingly.  Given both the recent ban on Korean anything just about in China as well as his high visibility, he undoubtedly decided it would be best if he stepped back from EXO promotions so they wouldn’t receive backlash from C-netz.  Business stuff aside, there is SO much love between him and the members and he mentions them wherever and whenever he can.  And what’s more is they mention him just as often (they even left a spot for him in the music video!).  So all this to say: No, I do not think it will cause a disruption.  I’ll continue to be the loyal XingMi/X’back that I am and support him wherever his career takes him.  And I will still continue to support EXO because I love the other members as much as I do him.

Tia: Hmm, those are some very interesting points.  Rosa, JB is your ultimate bias but with the problematic things he has done before (as most idols) has it changed the way you looked at him? Hands down what the best JB fic you've EVER read?

Rosa: JB is a problem in himself lol.. But honestly? It hasn’t. People have told me it because i’m infatuated with him, that’s why I can’t see his faults, but that’s stupid. I’m not infatuated with anyone, and believe me, I’m the first to call out and be pissed at JB for him doing his stupidity. I’m just able to forgive (not forget) and move on, because well i’ve been riding with him since day 1 and i’m not gonna cut him off like that.  Hmm, I don’t have an answer for this lol.. I mean I’ve only ever read like 2JB fics in my life, cause i’m hard to please and i get bored or turned off really easily. So I haven’t read one that has hooked me enough to say it’s the best one I’ve ever read.. Feel free to send me some though.

Tia: I’ll definitely be on the look out for some for you! Syn,  Jay can be soft and cute but he's also very daddy. Do you think he switches it up or do you think that soft side is really him? The outfit sets you create are gorgeous, how do you find the inspiration to create something new for each idol? 

Syn: Thank you oh so much!! I appreciate the love I really do! Truthfully, it’s all about the picture of the idol and from the picture my imagination goes wild. Once I find a picture I like, I study it and ask myself a million and one questions. I also like to be situational, like what setting is the picture in? what is going on in the background? What are the colors? How are they lighting the idol? After I figure out that I come up with a story in my head base the outfit off that story or based on the colors in the picture. As for putting what with what I can’t tell you because I don’t know myself lol I just go and hope it looks good.  In regards to Papi-- I mean Jay: I personally think both the daddy and soft sides are him. I think his soft side is him is like 85% of the time. As for his daddy side, I think only comes out when he is on stage; and in a more personal setting, someone has to bring is out of him (if you know what I’m saying..)

Tia: You meant Papi, but I’ll let it slide.  [laughs] So Blossom, Youngjae is a tender sunshine, how do you think he is in a relationship?  Would he have a hard time communicating his needs to his partner? What is your relationship communication like? Are you a straight hitter? Passive? Somewhere in between?

Blossom: I think he would be gentle but protective. No, i feel like he would be very open and express his feeling for certain things, but i also think he would hind things to try to keep you happy. I think the communication would be good for the most part, i’m definitely somewhere between straight hitter and passive, i can be very stubborn sometimes but i try to let things go if it seems to be affecting others or if it’s just someone i trust and care very much about i usually just passive.

Tia: Youngjae is such a cutie and you two would be such a cute couple! But your twin, as you call her, is equally whipped for the maknae of his group. So Soul: Yugyeom has shown us that his dance moves are truly sinful, but do his dance moves really correlate to bedroom prowess? How would you handle a man who is a virgin? First time sex wise.

Soul: Ah, this is my unpopular opinion but nah, I don't think it necessarily correlates. You can be the best dancer on the planet and still be hella inexperienced. Since I'm a virgin myself, I think it'd be a learning experience for the both of us. I think it'd be easier to take it slow knowing that you're doing it at your own pace and not trying to impress anyone.

Tia: Soul dropping some soulful wisdom! But I definitely agree it’s important to do what feels natural and best in the moment.  Kiwi, you’re the youngest of the admins so it’s only fitting I ask you a couple things about your ultimate who’s also the maknae of his group.

Winter: And noona hunter!

Tia: Jungkook, the golden maknae. Do you really think he lives up.to that name or is he overhyped? BTS choreo or vocals, you can only choose one. Which is it?

Kiwi: Warning unpopular opinion: I think it's overhyped, but then I see him nail something on his first try and kind of go “good for him.” Still overhyped though. And I choose choreo for sure.

Tia: You’re such a straight shooter and I love it!  Now, last but not least, to perhaps the most sharp shooting admin there is: Winter.  Heechul is known to have a saucy attitude and a smart mouth. In reality could you see yourself being in a stable and loving relationship with him? What's a little fact about Heechul that makes you like him so much?

Winter: In reality I can’t see myself in a stable relationship ever, seriously.  It’s gonna be twisted no matter who I’m with, but I’m okay with that.  It’ll keep things interesting.  Heechul and I would have a long and loving open relationship, if he would agree with the open relationship.  The fact that Heechul is so comfortable in his skin and doesn’t care if people thinks he’s gay because he’s so secure in his sexuality.  That’s admirable and attractive to me.  Also, I like that even though he’s a sassy flirt he gets all shy and his heart flutters when he’s around someone he likes.  

CL: I have some individual questions for you all as well!  I’ll go in the reverse order Tia did, if that’s alright by you.

Winter: Oh Jisoos, I’m first.

CL: Yes, you are! 1) Where do you like to find inspiration in? 2) What do you think you have in common with Heechul? 3) What is the best 2pm era in your opinion? 4) Describe yourself: reason, emotion or both and why?

Winter: 

I find inspiration everywhere the Cosmos allows.  Books, movies, music, dreams, pictures, nature...just everything.  I can be sitting there and see or hear something and all of a sudden, this is where I start to sound crazy but oh well, I hear dialogue between characters or I see an idol doing something in a different world or scene.  It’s frustrating because I’ll think of this awesome new story but then I can’t write it because of time constraints.  

Kim Heechul is my equal in petty, shady, tea spilling savagery as well as being a genderbending flirt.  

The best 2PM era?  Jisoos….GALAXY OF 2PM.  Their Japanese release last year.  BABY LOOK!  BITXH!  The hair, ugh.  The suits, lawd help me.  The overcoats, unnnnnnhhhhh.  EMOTIONS PHOTOBOOK!  I wanna know WHO THE FXXK HURT THEM TO HAVE THEM LOOK SO BROKEN!  

I am ruled by emotion and reason.  Most of the time I’m very levelheaded and I think things through.  I’ll try and see things from all sides because I can’t stand when people take in new information and they let their emotions take over.  But if I think on something or talk about something and emotions run high.  There is no reasoning with me until I calm down and hopefully I don’t hurt anyone or anything before I calm down.

CL: So Kiwi: 1) What does writing means to you in your life? 2) Jungkook: a cinnamon roll or a sinnamon roll? 3) BTS’ best concept for you? 4) Describe yourself: introvert, extrovert or a mix of both? 

Kiwi: 

Believe it or not, I'm not actually a big fan of writing myself. But when I actually feel creative I will write. So I guess it's not that big in my life. 

Sinnamon roll. 

“Run,” hands down. Had a hoe in her feels for once. 

Mix of both. I'm “extroverted” if I personally know you, but I lean more towards introvert.

CL: Soul on to you! 1) What is your work that you’re most proud of? 2) What do you think is Yugyeom’s strongest feature (not necessarily his talent)? 3) GOT7’s music video you think Yugyeom is particularly beautiful? 4) Is there something you always wanted to try or do but couldn’t?

Soul:  

“Only Fools Fall,” hands down. That was the best thing I've written since the blog started. I think it shows what emotion does to people. 

His eyes. He's such an attractive person overall but his eyes are what drew me in. 

That's a hard question, but maybe Never Ever or If You Do. 

Besides running a blog, I've always wanted to try and write a book. I can't really do it right now because I have no inspiration to do so. It's already hard for me to write on the blog without it feeling forced but yeah, that's what I wanna try.

CL: Blossom, you ready? 1) Do you have a favorite place to write? 2) Did you chose Youngjae as your bias or did he chose you? 3)  Favorite GOT7 meme? 4) What do you think is your biggest strength?

Blossom: 

I like writing in the library, i usually get a good bit done when I have the time. 

HE CHOSE ME! When I first got into Got7, I never would have thought Youngjae would be my bias cause I kinda had a type at the time but after getting to know him and falling in love with his smile, his laugh, just his everything there was no way of turning back. 

I don’t really have one since they’re all just walking memes.

Positivity is definitely it.

CL: Syn, let’s chat fashion: 1) You create such beautiful outfit sets and I personally drool over them. What is your personal dressing style? 2) As a fellow stan, I know this will be hard, but… Why Jay Park? 3) Favorite Jay’s album and favorite collab he’s made? 4) What do you think is your biggest flaw?

Syn: Thank You!!! I’m oh so happy you like them! 

My personal style is depending situational. Where I’m going, how long am I going to be there, how I feel and depending on the weather. But usually I like to have a focal point or statement piece of my outfit and then everything else I put on will complement the piece. So not too flashy but not too simple either. I like everything to be clean and there for a reason.

Lawd! Girl! Why NOT Jay Park?? Lol but for real, he is just everything I love in a person. Like take they fact that his music is the bomb diggity and he is fine af. Personally, he is so kind, so generous, so caring, artistic, a goofy sense of humor, and amazing friend, son, and person in general. I love the fact that whenever he comes up he brings everyone with him. He always give credit where credit is due, and is always there to help out someone or give them a chance. I don’t know why more people aren’t stanning him.

I say I do love all his albums but my absolute favorite would be “Everything You Wanted”. I know that’s one of his newer albums and people are going to say “You ain’t a real jaywalker blah blah blah” but seriously if you think about it, all his albums leading up to that one has all been experimental. Take a deeper look, New Breed, Evolution and even World Wide has been experimental and trying to find his sound. With Everything You Wanted, he takes a bits and pieces from each album and figured out what worked and what didn’t and we had everything that worked in that album. The sexy songs, the slow jams, the meaningful songs, the bops, the electronic sounds, both in Korean AND English. Like it really was legit everything I wanted lol. That’s why I love the album. Favorite collab is a hard one just because he slays everyone song he’s on. But I would have to say his songs with ChaCha, “Feature” and “Forever” just because I wasn’t ready for singing ChaCha and I do think their voices work well together.

Biggest flaw would have to be, I don’t believe in myself as much as I should. And because of that I’ve held myself back on some opportunities that would’ve been beneficial in my life and I would be further along in the things I would love to do if I would just say “hey I know I’m good enough”. Example A: this blog lol I didn’t believe I could being anything substantial here that’s why I wasn’t on here in the beginning. So yeah something I need to work on.    

CL: So Rosa, our lovely English rose: 1) What is your biggest difficulty when writing? 2) Why is JB your bias and what is the thing you like most about him? 3) What is your favorite GOT7 song? 4) What is your biggest dream, even if it seems impossible?

Rosa: 

My biggest difficulty is finishing things that I’ve started because I either have no motivation most of the time or I just don’t have time to. 

JB is my bias because I can relate to him: We are pretty much the same person it’s scary. We have a lot of things in common, plus he’s beautiful. The thing I like most is that he can be very serious, but the next minute he’s being extra and playful.

Oh Lord… I can’t. I don’t have one favourite so here are my favourites; “Stop Stop It,” “Sign,” “Prove It,” “Angel,” “Laugh Laugh Laugh,” “Magnetic,” “WOLO,” “Let Me,” “My Home,” “Eyes On,” “Shopping Mall,” and “A” 

My biggest dream is to be able to set my family up, so there are no money worries and then to travel. 

CL: And lastly is you Lilith! 1) When did you start writing? 2) Times are hard for a Yixing stan… Honestly, how are you coping? 3) Your favorite EXO lyrics? And Lay’s lyrics? 4) If you could change anything in yourself or in your past, would you? If so, what would be it? 

Lily: 

I honestly don’t remember when I started writing, but I think I was pretty young--maybe around 7 or so.

I’m actually coping pretty well.  He’s been active a lot more recently in China and he seems to be very happy and well-rested, which really is all I want for him to be.  So as long as he’s good, I’m good.

Um, my favorite EXO lyrics are actually an entire song:  “My Answer.”  It’s just such a gorgeous song! I know it backwards and forwards and I have to listen (and sing along) to it at least three times a week.  The admins know that it has to be played at my wedding. It just has to.  My favorite part is the bridge/breakdown before the final chorus.  Gives me chills EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Honestly, if I were to audition for a company, I’d sing this song.  Ugh, I just love it so much. 

My favorite of Lay’s lyrics? Again, my favorite lyrics are a whole song.  While this one is a tough call, it’s decidedly the acoustic version of “MYM.”  There’s really no way to describe it other than just stunning.  I think it’s the song that best suits his voice, which really just shines since it shows just how well-rounded it is.  And the guitar! C’mon! It should be illegal for a guitar to be played that beautifully.  If you haven’t listened to the song, please don’t ever speak to me again until you do.

You know...There’s a lot in my life that has happened that didn’t go according to plan or anywhere near the plan honestly.  And while I’ve made many mistakes and have been hurt by (as well as hurt) others, everything that has happened, has happened for a reason.  I am who I am today because of it.  So no, there’s nothing I would change. I live my life with no regrets as best I can so I just take whatever comes to me as a lesson and an opportunity to grow.

CL: One final question before you all go to celebrate your anniversary. What is the best thing(s) about running this blog? And the worst?

Blossom: Best: Seeing people's reactions to the things we do. Worst: Drama.

Kiwi: I can barely answer this because I’m never on. But I do enjoy when the admins get happy in the group chat because they're getting compliments on their writing. I hate when drama happens because everyone seems off and upset in the group chat. Becomes a dangerous ride.

Rosa: Best thing about running the blog is reading people’s reactions and comments about something I’ve written. It’s really cool, and I encourage anyone who reads fanfiction to not only like and reblog but leave comments and tags for the writers to read! Worst thing is obviously people saying mean, horrible things in the inbox.

Winter: Best thing is being able to inspire and interact with people from ALL over the globe.  To see and find out we have followers in Germany, Australia, Brazil...WHAT?!?  We’re just a bunch of weirdos and you guys actually WANT to follow us?  I don’t get it lol.  Worst thing is trolls coming at the admins, they act like I’m not a troll hunting anon slayer.  Why would you even try?  I don’t even see why people feel the need to say negative things to people they don’t even know.  That takes time and energy I don’t have to spare.

Syn: Well I can’t say much sense I just started being active but from my observation I love seeing all the love everyone gets when they post their content. Like all the admin’s styles are different and seeing each one of them getting a like or a repost or getting messages from the readers is amazing and it warms my heart seeing that. The worst has to be what happened behind the scenes with that fallout. It sadden me seeing what was going on and basically being helpless and seeing a negative effect it had on the other admins. But we’re better now!!

Soul: The best thing would be to inspire others to start their own blogs, it's nice to know that we're a big influence in that. The worst would have to be all the drama and stress us admins have to go through on what seems like a daily basis.

Lily: I’m such a sappy heaux, but the best thing about running it is being with the girls.  The love I have for them is so deep, it’s actually kind of ridiculous. A close second though is meeting such incredible people like our mutuals; like it’s kind of insane that I’m now able to call the very same people I admired my friends and talk with them nearly everyday.  The worst is definitely all the drama that’s happened on and off the blog.  I could definitely do without it. But a little bad always comes with a lotta good. C’est la vie.

Tia: Thank you all again so much for letting us chat with you!  You inspire so many people on a daily basis and it’s really rewarding and humbling to be able to be as close as we are to you.  I hope you all have a wonderful anniversary and even more wonderful times ahead!

All: Thank you all! We love you!

[soarinsora-blog]

Adventure tales! Elex Sora, the warrior of light

CHAPTER 0: PROLOG

Hello world. My name is Elex Sora and this is my journal! Let's see now, we're first supposed to tell a little about ourselves in these, I am 14 and I'm the younger brother to my sister Chandra, I have always been a rather fast growing boy my father says, he's even the one who gave me this journal to keep all of my thoughts in order! He says that a great scholar is one who writes his theories down, I dont really want to be a scholar like him but my sister does, their actually in the study right now. Dad says the study is a free zone so aslong as we clean up we are always welcomed into the study.

Today I went into the pantry and found a rat, it was huge! I didn't know what to do so I found a wooden stick and chased it off, dad heard the commotion and ran in to see what was happening, when he saw I was chasing a rat with a stick he simply walked away and came back with a cage, I helped by chasing it into the cage, my dad is so smart!

Its been awhile since I last picked this book up, I really was childish all those years ago wasn't I? Well I'm 17 now and well I guess this book does have one important thing in my life, it was the first time I ever actually wielded a weapon, that was a real spark in my life since afterwards I tried everything I could to whack things with. My father disapproved of my actions and told me the blade is a brutes weapon and that the mind is thr true warriors blade, but I didn't see the mind work as well as a blade when someone broke into our house and I had to break his hand to stop him from breaking anything, no it was the stick I had been carving into a sort of maul for a few months now that stopped him from continuing, although I do feel a little sorry for the guy, i heard my sister talking with dad telling him how they didn't need to call the guard and that she would handle him, I wasnt sure but I swear I heard excitement come from dads voice, I feel sorry for whatever may have happened to that burglar.

I was right to worry! A week after Chandra took the burglar I've been hearing strange noises and noticing an increase in vermin within the house all focused around this wall, well I inspected it and found that it was a false wall, having mo idea what it was I went into its darkness and down a spiral staircase, there i saw something beyond .y eyes, I saw the dead covering nearly every foot of the room, the stench was horrid and putrid. What has been going on in here?! They were all seemingly caged and imprisoned so I explored abit, it wasnt until I came across a small boy, his flesh rotten away reveling the bone yet still moving, he looked up at me with eyes, expresionless eyes, eyes that will haunt me forever. When I turned around I saw both my father and Chandra watching me, Chandra had this biggest smile and staring straight at the child yet my father was watching me with his own blank eyes, these are the kind of eyes he'd get when watching a professor who came by to learn under him.

I was mortified by their reactions, they had no emotion towards this child, this child that was taken from its home, taken from its family, my family are monsters, I know this now, i can't live in this house knowing how vile my own family is. We have always been respected as a wise family but the truth is we are nothing more than putrid flesh willing our bones to move, I'm leaving this family, I'm buying a sword and going on a boat to somewhere else, somewhere without this dreaded family.

CHAPTER 1: DREAMSTRIDERS

I have arrived by boat shortly after leaving my families home, this entrance alone needs alot of explanation but in short I left my family in search of an answer, i want to know if what they do is normal, if everything even the kidnapping is accepted by society. Since I spent most of my life with my family I dont have any true answer to it, I just know that it feels wrong.

When I arrived I noticed a strange feeling in the air, it felt almost like my family was here but this feeling had a different feel to it, not an ever changing feeling but a leeching one, as if the town was surrounded by an invisible barrier that drains those on the inside.

I walked around getting a feel for the town, I hadn't noticed this before but it seems oddly dark for it to be in the late afternoon; there has also been many complaints from the residents of the town, I've heard of a priest in the tavern that is offering aid for the dreams, I'll find work for the day so that I can eat tomorrow and find out what he knows, perhaps my family has its fingers in more places than I thought.

Before I went to bed from the night, which was heavily overpriced, I met a strange elf who hadn't really spoken much, from the few words he did say he asked if I needed help, i told him that i would be unable to pay him but when i could I'd be leaving this town and travelling, he seemed excited by this and offered to be my companion, he told me that he was rather effective at healing and could deal some damage when needed, I agreed to this, now I have no money left since i had to pay for two rooms, I hope tomorrow is profitable.

When I awoke the next morning I found two large rats laying ontop of me, I quickly tried to get up and go for my sword but their reaction surprised me, they didn't seem mean or gruff, they were actually kind of friendly with me, it's odd but they seem to want to follow me. I hope I can get the money to feed them too.

I spoke to the priest, he seemed to be hiding something but was sincere in his desire to help the people of the town, he said there was a demon of sorts residing there consuming everyone's dreams, I do not believe this is the work of my family, in all my life I have never known any of them to consort with demons, rather they would become the demons themselves. But ruining a town needlessly? They wouldn't do so for long.. they tend to get bored or find a solution not requiring the town before getting bored. I've offered to help the priest to the tower and put an end to the cursed dreams, I must know for certain if my family is involved.

We've reached the temple but as we did we were attached by demonic beasts that could only resemble gremlins but thin to the bone and putrid from the smell, with the three of us they were easy to defeat after the initial shock of them, the two rodent friends unfortunately did not make it out of the attack, I'll have to bury them when I get back to town.

I have returned to the town from the temple, alot has happened but unfortunately I could not make enough gold to pay for a nights rest, for now I'll keep myself dry from the rain on the blacksmiths benches. When we entered the temple I found myself in between a conflict of two sides, cults vs bandits, and both were more than willing to attack me. As we got deeper the priest confirmed my suspicion of being more than what meets the eye, he told me that he was once part of this cult and that he had fled before a sort of gas took hold of everyone freezing them in time. About halfway through the temple we came across a barrier, there was no way to cross this barrier but the priest had an idea, he thought that we could use this potion which would allow for a state called "dreamstriding" this is where you dream then appear somewhere else, I truthfully dont understand the full ordeal but when i drank it i was transported away into another body, I could move but it felt as if I were being guided to follow what history laid out, in fact being able to move was about all I could do, I could not interact with anyone or anything, only run. The end of the dream stride came when I pulled a lever releasing the gas, that's when I appeared on the other side of the barrier, able to pull it down. At long last after fighting past both cultist and bandit we came across what was referred to as the "skull of corruption." It was apparently the source of the dream leeching, it was guarded by two cultists, the priest seemed to know them, they in turn called him a traitor for running. Suffice to say we reached the skull and it was just a skull on a stick, that's if I didn't feel the demonic power emanating from it, the moment the pure raw energy touched my skin I knew my family had no relation to this scheme, I'm not sure how I should feel about knowing this, that there are other forces at work aside from my family causing this danger to others, I suppose I should be glad that my family has principles yet its discomforting to know nevertheless. For now I have a new feeling, something to the west brings a terrible feeling, as if something powerful will be uncovered soon, something that is far more powerful than the demon of dreams. I must also confirm that the sun really has vanished, at first I thought it was simply the demons influence but now that it's gone I am no longer so sure. Ps i hate the snow, it makes me feel weak.

I awoke drenched in rain, it seems the benches were a bad idea, it was still raining and since we were already soggy we decided to head out, as we were walking west I noticed something move put of the corner of my eye, a stopped and started for a moment but nothing happened, just as I turned to continue walking a tree thruster itself from the air and threw a massive snow ball at me missing by only a foot, under the tree was a massive block of ice moving as if it were a person, I ran as it prepared more snow.

Further along the road I came across a building, a soldier stood guard there so I believed them to atleast not attack me on sight, inside were men and women dressed in robes armor, they called themselves vigilantes and hunt demons of any kind, they said they were there because of the rumours of a dream thief in the town from whence I came from but when they arrived everyone was happy and well rested, they asked around but everyone said the priest had cured them of their nightmares, when they tried to visit the priest he was covered in a party and so were unable to speak with him. I asked if anything was to the west, they told me the only thing to the west is a half drowned city and a mage college, otherwise nothing was happening in that direction. Maybe the college is where my feeling is coming from, I truly hope this isn't what it feels like it is.

CHAPTER 2: THE VIGILANTES AID

I left the vigilantes cottage and moved along the road, there what I saw horrified me, creatures that even my father would put down as a mercy were attacking a fort, the soldiers caught well but the fleshy abominations were too fast and too powerful, in fact when they spotted me they covered distance previously unimaginable, what is this strange land I find myself in, why are there beasts so horrific that even my family would scoff at its make, I thought that I would leave my home to find good people, people who live without the need for magic or atleast did not have the power hunger my family does, I see now that my family is not the worst, that they are in fact tame compared to the rest of the world, and though they may seem cruel they still have their principles. This feeling I have in the west is too great still, I'm goin to find out what this feeling is and stop it, afterwards I will see what can happen.

I know it may seem cowardly but I wrote the last entry right after fleeing from the said abominations, I ran back to the vigilantes and under some gods grace they offered to teach me their ways, they taught me more effective armor techniques and how to effectively use a sword and shield to not only block arrows but to enchant a shield using your own mana to create a sort a ward diminishing the effects of magic casted on you by the shield, it effectively makes the shield useable in any form of combat. They taught me magic that can destroy demons and even taught me how to enchant my blade to destroy the undead forces of the world and to heal my fellow man, the abominations taught me the true horrors of man, these vigilantes taught me that man will stand even against other worldly horrors. I believe that I am finally ready to set out to the college and find out what is happening.

As I was leaving a young vigilante ran towards me carrying a large cloth, he said the master of the cottage wante8d to give this weapon to me, he said that when all vigilantes pass their trials a blade is rewarded to them, a blade to trial the undead with. I uncovered the sword and under the cloth laid a bountiful silver blade, echted into the blade were runes of magic, I could not make out what the runes meant but I know with it I can kill the hordes of the dead standing between me and the possible end of the world as we know it. The same boy who gave me this sword also asked to travel with me, he too has trained to defeat the demons as I have but with one exception, the master of the cottage has deemed him unable to travel alone, and because of recent events the vigilantes are being called to action, since I will be traveling alot I will also meet with alot of undead, for now I will simply clear a path for those that wish to flee the cottage, I have a feeling that soon it will be no more..

With my training from the vigilantes and the aid of one of their own I managed to cut down the abominations the terrified me before, unfortunately even after their death they are still as disgusting as ever, once dead they act as a sort of disease bomb, I am all too thankful my newfound companion is well versed in the medical aspects of the training whereas I took closer to combat.

I cut a path through to a nearby fort, they too were under siege, it was so bad that I saw two sides of a war fighting together side by side as vampires and massive abominations charged the keep, I was unfortunate to have arrived late, as my group and i killed the rest of the dead the guardians if the fort fell, all that remained in the end was my group, we decided to continue on towards the college, but if theres some way to stop these attacks I must act towards it.

I am such a fool! I took a night in an inn which was fine and dandy, it seems over priced is normal in this land for a nights rest, but what I didn't mean to do is take a right, the path seemed so straight forward I hadn't even noticed that I took a right turn, i only noticed when i came across a sign post, what am I to do but to stay in this town? Though my anxiety has increased I still have this feeling about this town.. it's more like a misty kind of feel, I'll take a look around but if I'm right I'll have to find someone to help explain these feelings I get, I'm doubting its family heritage.. or was I part of an experiment? The last part is definitely not comforting, but it does make me feel uneasy.. in either case I'll spend the night in the city and double back and go down the right road in the morning, aside from growing tensions between races in this city there doesnt seem to be any other problem.

I was talking to the patrons at a local tavern and it turns out someone called the butcher has been killing people at night, I wasnt sure if this was the feeling I was getting when I entered but I would certainly rest better knowing such a person was locked away, I couldn't actually afford a room to rent for the night but theres a bard who seems to enjoy playing her music so atleast there is some ambience while I sit next to the taverns flame.

While I was resting I found a small girl, she told me how her mother died while she was small and how her father left to fight in the war plaguing this land, she doesnt seem to want to accept gold at this time, I seem to have caught her trying to rest by the fire just like myself, I may not have much coin but I will be sure that she has a large portion of it before I leave town, maybe they'll give a discount to her since she's a child and could actually afford the food unlike me.

When morning came the girl seemed better rested then the night before, she was even willing to sell me her flowers, now she has enough gold to spend a night in the inn, I hope she has enough money to find some food until she finds a home.

Unfortunately I have heard nothing about the murders aside from a name, i am forced to move on, with luck I can find some game along the way back and some water, I'm running low on supplies.

While I was returning back to the road I noticed some goats crossing my path, due to my lack of food i decided to chase one down, they were unfortunately too fast for me, and so I fashioned a bow made from spare sticks I found, with it I managed to kill and got a goat, atleast now I have food to last me until I get to the college.

It took longer then I admit it should have bit I noticed that the vigilante was missing, I talked to my magic friend, all he spays is that he left to do some extra work, I truly do hope I see him again, I've come to grow fond of his company.

I feel sick to my stomach. As I was walking along the road I came across a fort, it was taken by the undead but not only them accursid necromancers accompanied them, using their magic they conjured a huge mountain of flesh, it was horrific, as hands it had a large torch and an axe, this beast was made for fighting but the worse part was its decaying form, it just slide right off, the beast itself seemed unaffected by my companions sword, mine however it seemed afraid of, in the end I could not best its strength and called upon the powers that the vigilantes had shown me, using the power inside of me I gathered the power if the sun and launched it towards the mammoth, it seemed that the beast was not prepared for such an action as it crumbled into a paste like goo, the power of the sun was stronger here then I elsewhere I suspect, without a sun to cover the sky the creatures themselves had turned dark and twisted, I must keep this in mind when fighting the creatures of the night, that the vigilantes secret magic can save the world.

As I was leaving I was attacked, this was no ordinary attack, this man was an assassin sent to kill me, why me? What have i done to earn the scorn of someone that they'd send an assassin after me? Maybe it was my family, maybe they found me and have sent people after me so that I'd keep quiet about their "experiments." Regardless the college cannot wait for such things, I must get there soon and find out why I have this dreadful feeling.

I have finally arrived in the town the college is in, after all this time and it's still a frozen wasteland, no matter, I went to the shop and sold off a few items I found fighting the necromancers, I picked up a few books they had laying around and it turns out those books are worth more than just their weight in gold, I finally have the money to spend a night in a good bed, it's been too long since I've had a peaceful nights rest and maybe later i can even buy some supplies, no more hunting just so I can survive another day for me, atleast for a week.

CHAPTER 3: A MAGICAL SOLUTION FOR A MAGICAL PROBLEM

I have arrived at the college, to pass I must simply show that I possess some magical ability, it seems how magical doesnt matter, I simply casted some light and that allowed me passage, inside I found strange golden statues, atleast I thought they were statues until one of them moved, I'm not sure what these things are but they seem magical in nature, around them feels warm and pleasant, much better than being elsewhere in this freezing cold. The college has offered me a bed, this is more than I have ever received! All just for being a student here, though I am excited it quickly turns to horror as I walk into the main halls of the college I found disturbing creatures, namely a floating tentacle monster in the center of the room, this strange beast had me distracted from the lesson I was attending, perhaps it was because i was distracted that the professor called upon me to demonstrate safety in magic, he asked me to create a magical shield in which he would test by throwing a fireball at, luckily my time with the vigilantes helped me create the shielding, with my experience I have passed the test, our next test is a practical one, we are told to meet up at some ruins, there we will excavate it for a y magical artifacts; to me this sounds like busy work but for now I have no leads for the feeling I have about this place.

I have reached the meet up location, I was assigned to a teacher already present in the excavation, I was tasked to find items of magical power, near instantly I had found and picked up a necklace which unbeknownst to me was a trap, spikes rose up blocking my path, the teacher for the trip appeared on other side, he said the amulet may do something, and so I put it on and surprisingly it did do something, the wall which the necklace was on began to glow, I decided to blast it with a holy sun ray, the same kind I used on the fleshy mountain, to my surprise the wall crumbled beneath the suns ray revealing a path and also opening the spike wall, I question the validity of this trap or if it ever was a trap at all, maybe the people who built this wall wanted this passage to be discovered, in either case the teacher and I continued through the passage until we met with what seemed to be a dead end, the was until I noticed the air grow still, even the teacher did not move, a ghastly apparition had appeared before me. The apparition warned me that what I have done is about to release a dangerous artifact, one that could destroy the world, but judgment will not pass to me as I had no way of knowing about such things.. if seemed to me that I had caused what I looked to avoid, i wasnt called here to stop the problem, I was called here to create the problem, while it is true that anyone could have stumbled across it I find the fact that, who came here to stop the world from happening, started the end of the world, I know not what I have done at this time but I do know that if there is a way to reverse my actions it must be done.

The room opened up and a swarm of the undead surrounded us, this was nothing to fear for the holy light blasted away each creature that showed its face, once all dead was turned to ash a path was opened to us. I opened a door and on the other side I saw a magnificent blue sphere, this sphere had writing etched into it, the blue was soft as if sky blue with gold inlays, its guardian was a single man, a single undead man which could not get past the suns might, on its body was a note, it seemed that this man was imprisoned here for crimes unknown, I dont know if I helped him find release or if his crimes were worse upon death, I can only hope that his life was not in vain.

The teacher asked me to go back to the college and report our findings to the head master, with post haste I quickly marched back to the college with the report.

After reporting to the head master he talked me with finding out more about this sphere that we found, he pointed me in the direction of the library and said to start there. I went to the library which was run by an orc, he said the information I was looking for was stolen and pointed me to where it was taken to, I'm starting to feel like an errand boy.

Before I left to find these thieves I asked the orc the question that's been on my mind for the longest time, what happened to the sun? He told me that long ago there was once a sun in the sky, but a vampire lord had taken it and has refused to return it, it doesnt make sense to me because while I lived with my family the sun was still there, but with how the orc explained it it sounds like most people dont even know what the sun is, what kind of land have I sailed to?

I asked him about the vigilantes aswell, he told me they were the last remaining people still fighting the vampires after the dawngaurd was destroyed, there are books on the subject, many layered with dust, but what I sought now was the connection the vigilantes had with the sun, since the spells they had taught me revolve around them so much, I have to wonder why cottage master taught me these things, I have seen no other using spells attuned to the sun, why am I the only one? I believe I have gotten all that I need from this library, i must continue on and when i have the chance ask the cottage master about these questions I have.

I have arrived at the fort, this place is packed with horrific undead creatures, I see giant mounds of flesh, tortured abominations and so much more, this place must be cleansed, I must destroy every dark creature here, whether it be for their mercy or their doom. With such number stacked against me I could never win, however i have one last trick up my sleeve, the ultimate form of the sun capable of annihilating everything in its path, I called upon the suns judgment which after a minute of collecting sun light blast down and burns every living creature, unfortunately those that are inside will be safe making me have to go in there to clean them out, fortunately it means the books are safe from the suns fire. I competed the ritual while sitting above the fort on a cliff, I could smell the fire as it came down, when it landed the light was blinding, it was a full minute before I could regain my sight, bellow me were burnt corpses, nothing moved, nothing survived the suns judgment, this is truly the ultimate move the sun has to offer. Walking among the burnt it was almost peaceful if not for the smell, the smell from the fires alone before they touched ground were enough to make most men scrunch their noses, but this smell is far worse, I've covered my helmet with layers of cloth but nothing helped the stench, I'll have to keep this in mind if I ever use such power again, though I do not believe I will be able to until this day next week. Inside were even more dead but by far less than what were outside, I found new abominations, most looked tortured others looked summoned, in either case all had to be destroyed. After a long a bloody fight I reached the top of the forts tower, there stood a female and a lich, the female spook first telling me that it's best I leave else I would die, now i just murdered hordes of the undead to get here, I will not turn away just because some girl with a lich says I should leave. And so i dashed a rosy the room, I suppose I surprised her because I loved her head off easily, the lich on the other hand did not go down as easily, it created shadows we could not defend against, I was forced to use my suns magic once more just to eliminate the shadows, but the lich was prepared, he had created a boarder around us dispelling my magic, only he had magic now, I did what any warrior could do, i stood up, ran right at him and bashed its face with my shield, this stunned it for just enough time allowing me to jump up and loge my blade straight through its chest. At first the lich seemed to smile at me but then that smile turned to terror as it burst into flames, the blade itself was enchanted with the suns holy blaze.

Now with the books in hand I returned to the college and handed them to the orc, I then had to speak wit the teacher again before an elf belonging to an odd faction appeared to take me away, he told me a man from an organization this his own has outlawed asks for me by name. He seems oddly agitated though from the glares he gets it seems to be his normal attitude, and so we went up stairs and there was the apparition I saw before but now as a flesh and blood creature, this was certainly odd, as I approached him the air became still just as before.

He told me of the artifacts dangers and that very soon someone within the college will attempt to misuse the artifact, unfortunately he had no more information on the subject but he did give me a name and a location, unfortunately the name is unfamiliar to me and the location is the college itself, I shall speak with the head master due to the sensitivity of this mission, I'd rather not let whomever is about to use the artifact know that I am on their trail.

I spoke to the headmaster, he seemed agitated at the name, he told be to instead talk to my teacher about this man that I am searching for. I wonder what kind of person this is if the head master himself dislikes him so.

I've spoken to my teacher about this man, it seems that he was once ana accomplished mage, delving into the heart of magic like none have seen before, but as the story goes he became too focused on his work which lead to some sort of accident; I hope to ask him about this accident when I see him, for now I shall go under the college in search of him. Let's hope he's more forthcoming about information than others have been.

It has become apparent to me that I have not described why these abominations are so grotesque to me. I left for the underground and found more tortured bodies, though I am not believing to not be tortured but instead enjoy the alterations made to their bodies. I am staring at one that I had just killed for instance, it has no legs under its thighs, what it uses for let's instead are pegs made from some sort of black material, each leg has joints connected into its flesh, I assume this is how it can move the legs around. On its chest it's a gruesome sight, writing in a language I know not of Mark's its torso, I nthe center of its chest cavity is an open wound allowing me to peer inside of its chest, I can see its organs and that they are all intact, in fact the organs are almost human like in nature. Attached to its nipples are metal clippings which has wires attached to a collar. His head is in a jar and has metal contraptions protruding from his skull, there is no writing here but his face is a mix of blood from either cuts or from the metal entering its skin. Its eyes and mouth are sewn shut but I can see even in death a smile across its face. It has a hand on its left side but the right side has only a metal claw, I'm unsure what the use of such a claw is aside from it being a weapon. On its left side its entire lower arm is gone, even its elbow is replaced by these metal parts. This is all without mentioning the stretch marks on its skin from what I can only assume to he a stretching mechanisms work. What kind of cruel monster would do such a thing to other people? What kind of cruel monster would enjoy such things being done to their bodies? This land is dark to it's very core..

I have spoken to this mage, he is no longer a mage but more closer to being a ball of pure energy, he has told me the grumpy one was here, he didn't elaborate but I thought of the mage who believes himself as a sort of advisor for the college. He also told me that I needed a staff, one made from the same cloth as the artifact itself. This is all before he vanishes, I could not ask him about his time here or what the incident was, all I can do now is report it to the head master.

I've spoken to the head master, to find the staff he says I must search for another group that seeks to find the staff aswell, he happened to know of such a group who came by a month back believing the college held the staff, after awhile they bregrudely left for some old ruins. I must search for them to gain the staff, with luck they already have it and would be willing to let us use it.

I have reached the ruins and I have never before seen such a place, the entire building is made seemingly from metal, it looks to be almost copper or gold or even electrum. I have never before believed such a place could exist.

At the entrance I met a monk, or a scholar maybe. it seems the ones I'm looking for have yet to leave, this is good news but from what I can tell they dont have the staff with them, maybe I can find out more as I continue.

I've killed many beasts but this one is different, these are no more beasts or even the creation of horror I've become accustomed to fighting, these are living breathing humanoids. Their blind and frail certainly but their strength is high, these creatures are certainly formidable though I'm concerned for their health, they seem to be poisoned.

There are traps within these walls! I was about to charge at one of the blind creatures trying to catch them off guard when another appeared and set off a trap, blades whirled from the ground cutting the blind creature in half, it had almost gotten me if it weren't for me falling from a pool of blood. I really have to be thankful for the little things, even my own clumsiness.

I have reached what I could only describe as a politician's stage, ontop of the stage was a blind one but this one had a strange staff, ontop of it laid a crystal like contraption which seemed oddly out of place with the environment, as if it tried to mimic the ancient buildings surrounding me but failed to do so adequately. In the end I killed more blind ones, the contraption seemed useful to me and so I took it off the stick it was on and carried through to the next door. It was locked but I could hear muffled voices from the other end, I have not heard the blind ones speak so i assumed it to be a survivor from the group i was sent here to discover. I knocked on the door and right away the voice cried out in excitement, it seemed he believed I was someone else presumably the one I found at the entrance. He opened the door and was shocked to see me instead, shock turned to despair as he wailed about the lost aligning crystals, hat was until he spotted the object glimmering from my bag. As it turns out the object I took from that blind one was exactly what he needed. With the object now in his possession we walked along the corridor, along the walls I saw many items all of which were either food or drink with a few bed rolls layed across the flooring. At the end of the corridor was a large door, larger than those prior. At the base of the door was a small crevice which the scholarly man pressed his fingers into, opening the door. On the other side was an amazing spectacle, it was a large sphere made from the same almost golden metal as the rest of the building, stained glass walkways led to its top, at the top where large hills of the same stained glass, on the ceiling directly above were similar stained hills, together they seemed to make a pattern. Between the two was another contraption, this one seems to be a focusing agent for light shined down through an empty space in the contraption. When the scholar placed the crystals into the empty slot the whole room lit up, it was a map of the entire realm, everything was there, from the city I rescued from the nightmares to the college itself along with many other places on the map, cities far to the west, the south even a bright one far to the east, further than this land seems to hold. But the scholar still seems displeased..

I asked him why the sour look and he said the cities should not be the only places on the map, that the map should adjust to magical artifacts rather than just the cities themselves. He went back to the crystals and after tampering with them for a minute the map changed from showing the cities to just two bright blips on the map, the college and a location far to the west. Upon seeing this the scholar grew into a fit matching to me yelling at me for disrupting his work, when I asked how I disrupted it he accused me for being a spy and sent here to make sure his work would not be finished. I tried to talk him out of the delusion he had created but none of my words could get through. In between the yelling I had heard him ask what we could have so power that it would disrupt everything, that's when the idea came to mind, that maybe just maybe the separate bright blip was somehow connected to the artifact, or if nothing else may shed some light on where I could find the staff. Before I could leave to report my findings the scholar blasted a wave of fire towards me, if it were not for the magic imbued into my shield taught to me by the vigilantes I may not have been able to come out in one piece, unfortunately now this man will not step down from his fighting stance, his flames kept coming, each wave getting blocked by my shield, it seemed to me that fighting was the only way out.. that was until my companion who had been hiding out behind the two of us casted his own spell, I'm not sure how he did it but the spell seemed to calm the scholar down, put him I na trance even, there was no need for blood shed on this day thanks to my friend, I will have to ask him about it in case I may be able to cast such a spell and prevent spilling blood needlessly.

Once I got back to the college something odd was happening, inside of the main halls had the artifact in the center, not only that but the advisor was hitting it with pure mana and erected a barrier between him and us. The head master was trying to get through but to no avail. It seemed that whatever is happening will be happening for awhile with nothing that we could do. The head master noticing this he turned to me and asked where the staff could be found, I told him about the map which he replied with only conformation, it seems that once when he was younger, he and a group of other mages thought they could take on the beast the lived there, unfortunately they failed and if the staff was in that area the creature would be sure to have it.

It was thus my new duty to go to this location and find out what could be there, before I left the head master gave me one last request, that I end the nightmare residing there once and for all and handed me the key to enter the labryth.

The road to the labryth was straight forward from the college, just a long track west and I would be there.

It's been a long nights travel to the labryth, it seemed almost like the means of the dead whistled through the cold night air, there were no inns throughout the trip, to survive the freezing nights my companion and I had to build a fire, it help stave the cold away but the nip was still there. It was times like this, when the air is still with only the noises from the west filling the air when we could really settle down without any distractions, my companion who had seen nearly every one of my battles yet was silent throughout the adventure, I truthfully nearly forgot about him though not for long as my enjoyment for his company grows fonder. We have never spoken about our pasts to each other, we have known only what is current to us both. To lighten the mood I pulled from my bag two bottles of ale, with the recent coin that I've been making from selling the trinkets I've collected i managed secure some funding, though I cant buy a house with it i can buy enough ale and food to keep us going on our journey. While we drank I asked my companion about his life and why he chose to accompany me through my journey, he stared at me for a moment, his drink resting in the snowy ground, before speaking.

"Long ago I was part of a group that wanted to control these lands." He told me. "I however did not share these views, I believed that no matter who controls land someone else would aswell, you can tell how true it is even now, this land for example once had a sun, it was once bright and the natives would laugh and enjoy the world even ruling amongst themselves, sure there were wars among cities but each house followed traditions, each house understood the value of human life and would not allow their people to suffer needlessly; though this was when declaring duals were a common tool to acquire something, be it land or money or even man power in the cases of so called wars. back then the wars were settled by the strongest, each house had their champion which was to be used in battle, these were honorable battles fought to pronounce who were truly the strongest and rarely ended in death, it was believed that if a warrior lives they may fight again but stronger, these warriors took that to heart and though there are those who'd call the cowards for leaving a battle, they always came back more preapred and ready for destruction. This was very prominent in the war with the empire. The people of this land have always settled things with individual strength and indeed they are very powerful warriors, but their ideals of living another day were their downfall. When the empire came they demanded the houses to stand down and become part of the empire. This demand was steadily refused by each house, in response they sent a single man to the empire, seven men in total approached the armies of the empire, these seven men are said to have ridden in on horse back, each carrying a spear as long as two men and a blade which gleams under the moonlight. These men rode up and faced the armies of the empire and demanded to face their strongest as tradition dictates. They say the laughter from the empires men were so great that even the furthest house heard them. Perhaps the empire felt generous on that day but they did send out their greatest warrior, a large man drenched in armor plating and wielding a large blade, this man towered all others, his blade the size of a man. He approached the warriors and said to them 'any man brave enough to stand before me do so now' and waited for their response. Silence came while they gauged their new opponent, never before had they believed such a giant could exist, but they were the strongest and they wanted to know he were truly as strong as he looked. Dismounting from their horses they held out their spears towards the mammoth of a man, once they took a step forward the giants sword flew through the air breaking through the lone of spears. It was known at that moment how difficult this man would be. Still they readied their swords for battle and charged, the giant sword came crashing down into the earth causing it to shake as the men ran down the beast. The beast was taking every blow they threw at him, it seemed that nothing was working, their blades could not penetrate his thick armor. That was until the youngest of the seven picked up a broken spear and thrown it straight into the giants eye, nothing else worked but this gave hope that if they kept trying they could pierce the giants flesh. Unbeknown to these men the empires soldiers drifted away from the fight, a small raiding party had formed and was heading to the nearby villages. As they fought the beast smoke filled the horizon, shock filled their bodies as they realized what had happened. The empire was not going to keep its word, the empire could not even wait for a dual to finish, it wouldn't matter if they fell to or killed the giant, the empire would still March forward. A storm had approached from the east limiting sight for all caught inside. The seven men, now certain defeat would come no matter what, mounted their horses and left for home.

Once they returned to their homes the vampires armies invaded meeting little resistance, though the people of these lands are strong they did not wish to fight. In the end the empire won the cities, the houses were destroyed and now even after 200 years the people of this land resent the empire for their betrayal to traditions, it was only recently that an actual army was formed here, a rebellion strikes out to return the people to how they once were. Only issue is new houses were formed, the empire allowed each city to govern itself but used the empire as a main branch, whichever law the empire declared forced the cities to adapt, because of this different factions have popped up, one one city is neutral for now, commonly the east supports the rebels and the west supports the empire. Just as I said before, no matter who owns the world, other people will own it too."

My companion told me this story, it was long and filled with history I hadn't known before, now the two waring states have a reason in my mind to fight, though it is still not a fight I want to be part of. No I am fighting another war, a war that's afflicting this land like a disease, the undead hordes will not rest until I force them to.

We awoke to the clattering of bones, we were surrounded by skeletons, each raising a blade to us, we had no choice but to surrender to them, atleast temporarily. Using their swords they commanded us to move forward, it seems the labryth had grown tired of waiting for us, as they marched us through its front gates. The place was amazingly huge, though broken down from old age the building still held true, wide open courtyards filled its center while walls surrounded us. This place was built like a fortress, indeed it must have been a truly amazing place back when it was built. The skeletons led us to a stairway, ontop was another wide space and a massive door. The skeletons commanded me to open the door, I'm not sure what they wanted ultimately but because our goals aligned even just for a moment, I decided to do as they said and used the key to unlock the door. As soon as I had unlocked the door a brilliant blinding flash of light broke through the cracks, the light was warm to the touch but felt wonderful in the snowy weather. When my sight returned I noticed piles of dust surrounding us, even the snow had melted away, I'm not sure what kind of power was behind the door but it had finished the skeletons without trouble.

On the other side of the door shadows gained form and spoke to one another.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Asked a female shadow. "Completly, all we have to do is get by a few traps and the magical power beyond our dreams will be at our finger tips." Replied an older shadow. "Let's just hurry up, this place is giving me the creeps." Another voice popped up, it was the same as the head masters, I wonder if this place keeps the past contained or if this illusion was nothing more than a spectacle, regardless I had to press on.

Further in was a long corridor, it seemed to have no end, why did the builders create such a long hall? My questions were abruptly interrupted as stepped into a large room, in its center layed the bones dragon, piles of humanoid bones lined the sides of the room, whatevers in here is certainly evil. A voice rang through the room, it felt as though I were drained upon hearing its words. "Why have you meyz wah dii place of rest?" Asked the voice, I could not understand half of its words, but called out myself. "We have come to retrieve a powerful staff, one to save the world!" The voice was silent for but a moment before returning with his statement. "Zu'u see.. if the staff los what you seek then prove wah me hin worth. Alok dovah Ahrk face this champion." Just as he finished his sentance the bones of the dragon began to move, piecing itself together as if it were entwined with magic to make it whole once more. I tried to blast the beast with the power of the sun but the voices effect still lingered, we would have to fight this beast blade to bone.

The dragon lifted its claws and threw its heavy hand into the ground shaking me off my feet, this beast was powerful and its mere strength rumbles the room. My companion and I charged the beast lunging into it's back and swinging our swords at the beasts bones, it was too thick, we were only able to dent the bones before kicked thrown off by its mighty strength. We were on the ground as the dragon opened its mouth, I saw only for a moment a small crystal object before ice began to form and fly towards us. The dragon is an ice dragon, capable of breathing ice, truly it is a beast I wish I had never met, I hate the cold.

The dragons taken a toll from my stamina, it took most of my remaining strength just to avoid the icy blast. Yet I was too slow, the ice caught my sword hand freezing it in place, I would have to get this ice off as soon as possible else risk losing a hand.

Once the dragon was finished I leapt back to my feet, i had only one chance to make it. The dragon opened its mouth wide once again and i broke into a sprint towards the dragons mouth leaping into its freezing mouth, my blade pointed forward piercing the dragons crystal heart.

I awoke soon after to my companion treating my wounds, I had frozen ice layered over my armor, but my move worked, the dragon was destroyed. My companion told me that we were granted permission to continue into its chambers, its seem we have impressed the master of this fortress.

Once my strength had returned we entered the royal chambers, it was a room very different from the one before, it was a long room, stair cases lined the walls allowing one to enter the second floor, directly in front of us layed a decaying body, on its head was a shiny golden crown, much too shiny to have been buried down here, and a staff with a similar yet much smaller orb on it as the artifact in the college.

We approached the decaying body wondering where the master of the fort could be, that was until we stepped up and saw that it had been staring at us the entire time. "Welcome champion, you have bested dii dovah Ahrk ful have nuz gein request." It replied, its jaws held together small tendrils of muscle, "A request?" I asked not sure of what else it had said. His voice rang out through the halls, though he appeared decrypt he was obviously powerful. "Yes, Ol you can see dii kopraan has grown.. unusable, zu'u require Aan new kopraan, hin fahdon here fen dreh.

Fen you consider Aan trade? hin companion for the staff." I am unsure if I will ever fully understand the request but I could fully understand the last part, it wanted my companion and in return I would have the staff. This discussion was over before it ever began. I swung my sword straight for this king, I cant have anyone trying to take my friend away let alone an undead monster who no doubt wants to terrorize the surrounding country. But my blade did not reach, instead it was blocked by a magical barrier. "You dare attack me? voth Aan silver tuz nid less. You fen dir for hin insolence." He yelled at me standing up from his throne, he pointed the staff at me blasting my body across the room, my companion upon seeing this attempted to strike at the monster but to no avail. The monster looked at him with what I could only describe as a smile before sending shocks through his body forcing his body to fall to the ground. "Zu'u fen kos taking him nu, the staff los yours." The monster said picking up his body and dropping the staff behind him. "If you still think you can beat me champion, go south Ahrk aav the dawngaurd, zu'u'll kos waiting for you." He said before a flash of light burst through the room, leaving behind nothing but a trail of smoke in its place. I swear to you my friend I will find you.

The trip back was quiet, sure I may have thr staff and can save the world, but without my friend it all seems dissolute now, yes it's an important quest but I will have to go south as soon as I can to save him, I must save him.

When i got to the college a barrier had been erected around building, the town was being attacked by strange magical beasts and the golden guardians had turned blue. I returned hastily to the headmaster with the staff and gave it to him, with it he says he can tear down the barrier erected by the advisor, it seemed the advisor was a little power hungry and wanted to have power, I curse those who seek nothing more than pure power.

With the staff in hand the head master blasted the barrier down, it was as simple as waving it around and sparks flew out, once down we marched into the college and found the advisor zapping his mana into the orb, the headmaster used the staff on the orb while I swung at the advisor. It seems that in this place of magicians they forgot other weapons existed as he did not stop the blade, it went straight through his arm, he seemed shocked at first but that shock quickly turned to terror as he tried to flee from me, to stop his greedy madness I pushed him down to the floor and pierced his heart with my blade.

It is over now, the headmaster congratulated me on a job well done and more people dressed as the man who keeps appearing before me and shown up to take the artifact away. It's all over now, they will protect the artifact and the world is saved, my job here is done. Now I must travel south to find my friend.

CHAPTER 4: THE BLOOD MIST CITY

I have arrived in a city which will continue to the south like I plan, for now though I will visit that girl I've seen long ago, I still may not have a home but now I have gold and I want her to have enough food to eat.

It was late when I entered town I had not expected a crowd to be gathered, it seems someone was murdered here, everyone is blaming the butcher, I guess the rumors from before were true and someone stalking the streets. I'll investigate further and see what is happening.

A guard stopped me as I approached the scene, he told me it was the inn wrenth that was murdered, he told me that this was the third murder and that they were all young females, I hope that child is okay, if nothing else stopping these murders may protect the girl.

I've spoken to the crowd but no one has seen anything, the guard has recommended that I see the guards captain to be placed on investigation. The guards must be really thin with the war if their letting a peasant do their job for them.

I've spoken to the captain and he has confirmed my suspicion, the guard is stretched very thin, I now have the support of the guard in my investigation, I just hope I wont be too late to stop him from killing again.

There was a blood trial leading away from the scene, I followed it and found myself in front of a house, it was locked so I was unable to get inside, I will ask the guard if they have a key to the building.

I traveled to the burial temple and asked if there was anything unusual about the body, it seems that there were some strange cuts on her that is made by embalming tools, it was odd to the grave keeper because she is the only one with those kinds of tools as far as she is aware. I'll find a way into the house and try to get more clues there, if it's the scene of the murder it may prove to hold valuable information.

I was told that the mother of the previous owner has the key to the building, unfortunately she is asleep right now, because I want to catch this murderer as soon as possible i will do something a little criminal to get in.

I managed to get inside, it was empty except for scattered furniture, blood stained the ground, I'll continue my investigation.

I found a strange amulet with a skull on its pendant under a pile of butcher awareness posters, it's an odd amulet but I feel the evil emanating from it. I'll find out what it is once my investigation is complete.

I searched the room further and found a wardrobe with a false door, what his behind it was a gruesome display. Various body parts filled the room, tools were on display, the same tools the grave keeper believed could have done it, an alter layed at the far end of the room, it had strange markings on it as if the killer was performing some gruesome act of magic. On it I found a journal. In the journal it read some sort of poem and an ingredient list of severed body parts, this sick monster must be performing some truly dark arts. I must stop them before it's too late.

I once more returned to the captain with both the necklace and the journal, he recommended that I talked to this man at a sort of museum, I'm forced to wait until morning when he opens, I'll try to find a bed in the inn for the night.

I was in luck, the inn keeper was finishing some late night tasks since her helper was murdered, when daylight comes I'll head straight for the museum, maybe grab some food on the way out.

The coordinator of the museum believes the amulet is a symbol of power to a court mage, I will speak to the court mage here and see what he knows of it.

As I was leaving the museum a strange noise filled the air, it was as if a large object came crashing down to the earth, I did not see any sign of such a thing and the residents seem oddly unresponsive to the noise.

I've spoken to the captain about the posters, he says someone has been putting them and that someone has been putting them down, I'll search for the one posting them, with luck they know who it could be.

I met with the girl who's been putting the posters up, she believes it's the court mage doing these acts and recommends I go straight to the captain, I however want to know for certain if this man is the criminal.

I spoke to the court mage who denies owning the amulet or books, he says necromancy is at work but that it is not his doing, in fact he says he is a member of the mages college which has not allowed necromancy for hundreds of years. He believes to know where the killer shall strike next, I will follow up on his belief but if he turns out to be lying to me i will find him.

I patrolled the streets at night but was a moment too late, I walking to the blacksmith when I heard cries for help, there I saw the museum keeper stabbing one of the shop keeps, it seems he was the murderer all along, once he spotted me he started running, I chased him all the way to the abandoned home where he pulled a knife on me, I tried to wrestle the blade away but it ended up in his chest. I have killed the killer, I must report this to the guard captain.

I reported it to the guard captain, he is only thankful that the killer is gone, I suppose now is the time to leave town but only after I find the girl, I have not seen her yet and really want to, atleast one last time before I leave the north.

I found her, I'm glad that she is okay but I dont like the condition that she's in, she sleeps on the ground in the cold night. I cant believe she has to withstand such frost when she's not allowed in the tavern. I'm staying by her side for the night and giving her my cape and face mask so that she may keep warm, I wish to ask her to join me but life on the road is no life for a child.

[postapocalypse13]

Acts of Desolation #7

#7 When we can, we recruit them.  That’s who rebels are.  They were caught up in the system, until they learned there were alternatives. “So why do I even need your freedom?  I get what my contract entitles me to.  I get everything I need.  Of course the job is dangerous.  I am a soldier.” They always say that.  And they mean it. We have a shielded place for this purpose.  They can’t get out.  Others can’t get in.  They don’t understand, for awhile, why we don’t torture them.  When they get it, they are on their way to being free, like it or not. We are in a pine forest.  I love the smell of pine, and snow, woodfires in clean outdoor air. Of course, we have to keep the kid inside the shield; but it is an airy space.  We want them to learn to feel free.  After that, the mercs can’t tempt them. “What’s your name, soldier?”  Calinda’s gentleness often undermines resolve built up against force. “Gray.” “They were into colors that cycle.”  Reag laughs.  Where our names originate is a mystery.  They are given to us at indoctrination, once we are decanted from the vats. At some point in the process, they always ask:  “Okay, I get it that you think we should be free.  But what is this destroy the mercs to save the world campaign?” They still don’t get that they have anything in common with freeborn humans.  Their assignments to infiltrate, influence the thoughts of citizens, report on those whose thoughts are in opposition to the client’s agenda, they don’t get that they are serving evil.  People obsessed by power who elevate themselves above common humanity are no fit masters to serve. Yet Reag still believes we are abominations who need to be destroyed once the evil mercs have been defeated.  Well, he is insane. As am I? It is so good to be home.  Predictably, Gray wanted to go back to recruit among his merc enslaved friends.  We were able to convince him of the folly of taking on those dangers.  He agreed to join us, to help in whatever ways he could.  We are back now, at the rebel compound, a well-shielded community.  We have a network of underground tunnels, under greenhouses, workshops, labs, powered by a multi-source energy generation system.  We are pretty well self-contained, governed by principles of self-preservation, teamwork, and devotion to our common cause.  Not that we all work together smoothly or without conflict, but our genuine respect, affection and goodwill go a long way.  Most of us have already been through the thick and the thin of it together, with strong knowledge of each of our strengths and weaknesses, strong bonding.  This is where I belong.  I can feel that I am finally ready to be part of us again. I have been dreaming about bridges, especially crossing a long, carefully constructed stone bridge while a storm rages all around me.  The sea leaps up as if to capture me, but I never waver from my journey across, where I see my friends in the distance, on the other side. Reag has toned down his anti-freak rhetoric, in favor of saving his ravings for the hated mercs.  Still, people are concerned, even wary, to have him around; but we do respect and appreciate his abilities and vision against our common enemy. We have decided that it would be best to recruit away as many freaks as we can from the merc forces.  We need to bring them down in stages, as they are far too well armed to fall to a frontal assault.  We need to do our best to whittle down their resources, and make sure they don’t get the opportunity to rebuild.  We have our people out among the civilians, tracking merc activities, spreading information about them to alert and concern the freeborn, to build up sentiment on our side.  Of course, this all has to be taken on surreptitiously with care.  We can’t let the mercs know what we are doing, where we are, what resources we have and are developing.  It would be so helpful if we could plant spies to report back on the strategies at their top command.  Most of those we recruit know very little, just what has been directly related to their specific assignments.  Of course, any spy would be easily revealed to empath guards.  This protects us, as well. Gray is brighter, more ambitious, more fervent, than most of the recruits.  The mercs must have noticed his qualities, as well.  “My younger bio-twin was groomed for the Central Command Guard, the most elite of the corps.  They are directly responsible for guarding the members of the Central Command, so only the best and brightest will do.  I know there’s got to be a way to get him to work for us.  I know I could recruit him.  I know how his mind works.  I would just need to get to him with no other empaths in range.” I convince him that this would not be workable on many levels.  If his bio-twin were recruited, he could not spy for us on the Command because his fellows would know he had turned.  More importantly, it would be far too great a risk to allow Gray.  “You know too much.  You know who we are, where we are, our plans against the mercs.  It would be far too dangerous for you to get so close to their soldiers now that you have turned on them.” He listens to me.  Gray is quite impressed by Reag and me, by who we are to him historically, by what we have been through, by how we are now. “The attack on the GWI lab, that’s a key piece of propaganda they use against the rebels.  They tell us you callously murdered hundreds of our people, your people, just to make some political point.  We learn that your rebellion is pure evil.  But now I know.  What that did to you, how deeply you suffered, because you know that we freaks are human, brothers and sisters.  It’s the mercs that think of us as slaves, property, expendable to their bottom line.  That’s why, it’s so important, to let the mercs’ slaves know the evil they are serving.” “I understand.  You feel great responsibility for your peers.  That quality is important in a team leader.  You can help us so much, right here, working with the new recruits.  You can help them to integrate more easily into their new lives.” He is thrilled with the idea of being a mentor for the recruits, a position of importance and responsibility.  Briefly, I am reminded of Nerice, seeing a whiff of her as if remembering a sad joke. “Oh yes, the ghost that defeated my team.”  He has heard the whole story.  “You people, we, look at what we can do.  The mercs have no idea.”