#for anyone who can’t Spanish it says I love human meat

[valeovalairs]

Mr Bonzo on ice when

original image under cut

This combined with the bit where the duo owl says “soy conocido por comer cabezas” is what truly inspired this

[wehavebiggerproblems]

Fallout 4 Random Companion Headcanons

Wrote these a few years ago, too nervous then to share them.

Ada

-Ada was built in 2268. She's about 21 years old.

-Her first memory is of seeing The Mechanist in front of her. Then she watched as The Mechanist removed their head and smiled.

-She's Isabel's first project. 

-Her voice was originally supposed to be more synthesized and robotic, but the more human sound was easier for Isabel to work with.

-Ada prefers to travels in groups with 3-4 people, knowing fully well a robot is a higher target for scavvers.

- Her base body was constructed from many different trial runs of the "ADA" project.

-She's programmed to remain indifferent but the nagging voice in her programming says to do good things in order to to aid other people.

-Ada appreciates the effort Sole goes through to upgrade her body. She doesn't think it's necessary and she's somewhat sentimental about her original form.

-She finds Codsworth's attachment to Sole strange. Almost too human, those Mr. Handy's.

Cait

-Cait loves baths. Bubble baths with bath bombs and even a little rubber ducky. Only Sole knows this.

-The rubber ducky's name is Codsworth. Will not explain why.

-Can fire a rifle over her shoulder behind her. (Annie Oakley style)

-Hates Jazz music. Says it's too slow and calm. Really dislikes it because she's uncomfortable slow dancing with anyone.

-Allergic to feathers. Rad chickens make her sick to be around.

-But once the feathers are removed, the chicken has been cut up, and cooked with some veggies and a loaf of bread, loves it.

-Chicken soup is her favourite dish. Only likes Sole's chicken soup though. Will not eat anyone else’s.

-Shot put would be her favourite sport. Throwing a heavy metal sphere a very long distance is goals.

Codsworth

-Codsworth can speak 8 languages. Including: English, Spanish, French, Japanese, German, Italian, Polish, and Swedish.

-Can recognize almost every written language and translate but lacks the programming to speak every one.

-Nate/Nora got him two years before Shaun was born.

-Sole did minimal repair work on him, and offered to polish him every time he got a dent or scratch.

-He always accepted the polish offer. Very wary of Sole doing factory repairs on him. Would prefer professionals doing the delicate work.

-Always celebrated Nate/Nora and Sole’s respective birthdays. For 200 years.

-When Sole called him "Family", he felt an odd electric pulse through his core processor. He decided to call it a skipped heart beat.

-Calls synth Shaun "Sonny", and "Young Master Shaun".

-Makes Sole's favourite meal when they come back home from Vault 111.

-Will ask to take over if he catches Sole doing chores.

-Hesitates when he has to bring up Sole's spouse knowing it's a touchy subject.

-His favourite friend of Sole's is Nick. Thinks Nick is a good role model for synth Shaun.

Curie

-Curie, like Codsworth can speak 8 languages. However, after becoming a synth, she can only speak about 4.

-Curie loves the feeling of velvet. Collects pieces of velvet clothing. 

-Once wore a velvet cape around because she loved the way it draped over her shoulders and fluttered when she walked.

-Has sensory phases. Music, nice noises, soft materials, different foods, perfumes, etc. Collects whatever makes her senses happy.

-During the "feeling phase" her favourite feeling was holding Sole's hand. Loved running her hand over the surface of water. And velvet.

-Talks out what her feelings are with Piper. Piper explains to her what the "spin spin spin" in her head meant.

-Favourite smell is fresh baked bread. Bakes bread with Mama Murphy every weekend.

-Favourite sweet food is mutfruit pie. Will badger Piper to make it with her.

-Curie's motor functions are still new. Sometimes she misses what she was trying to grab and fumbles.

Danse

-Danse is a horrid mechanic. You'd think spending time in the BoS and dedicating time to auto repair with Ingram. Can't put a toaster together.

-But Power Armor is a piece of cake. Can't do much with pre-war tech, yet fixing power armor is as easy as making breakfast.

-Like all gen 3 synths, he loves Fancy Lad snack cakes. He'd share whatever box he'd find with the squires around the Prydwen.

-Scribe Haylen would volunteer to work alongside Danse on all his scouting missions.

-Danse found out Deacon was the one who stuck the dildo to his power armor. He made sure Deacon's wigs were the same bright purple color the very next day.

-Loves country music. When a traveling courier stops by and shares their western/country music, he actually dances. 

-Has a heart for kids. Even Billy. 

-Leg bouncing habit. Can't bounce his leg in power armor but as soon as he's out, his leg's jittering.

Deacon

-Deacon is in his late 40's. 

-Did not lie about his wife and the University Point Deathclaws.

-Enjoys learning about Pre-war culture, spends free time with ghouls asking them about the past.

-Sole can fool him easily about prewar facts though. 

-Has incredible luck with the pie claw game. Has won 8 times while traveling with Sole.

-Loves making silly bets. "I bet I can skip this plate across the lake at least 1 time." Proceeds to throw the plate at the water horizontally. 

-Doesn't hate Danse. He will pull pranks on him though. Once stuck a dildo on the back of Danse's power armour. 

-His hair grows quickly so he has to shave every day.

-Shaves his head, isn't bald. Shaved head works better with his pompadour wig. 

-Doesn't like mutfruit. Says it's too acidic and hurts his gums.

-Has a rifle-shaped scar on his forearm. Will tell a different story for it every time.

-Once drank a dozen Nuka Cola Quantums on a dare. His pee glowed for a week.

-Tried going vegetarian once. ONCE. Found out being vegetarian means eating no meat or dairy products. Had to have Sole explain that, while gross, radroach could technically be  considered meat.

-Is kinda clumsy. Always bumps into counter edges and stubs his toes on bits of debris.

-Doesn't lie about his family. And when Sole calls him family, promises to never lie about family again.

Gage

-Gage juggled skii balls to entertain the last Overboss, Colter.

-He enjoys small shooting competitions with MacCready, Sole, and X6. All four are sharp shooters.

-Fastest learner. Spent an entire week learning how to cook Sole's old recipes. He can cook them better than anyone with the exception of Codsworth.

-Hums when he works. 

-Had a one night stand with Nisha. Ended so bad, he avoids that area of the park at all costs.

-Hates cats. Had an awful run in with a rad lion. Radiated Mountain Lion that tore a scar deep down his back. 

-Does routine maintenance on the rides in the park. He knows how everything works there. From social hierarchy - to the intricacies of the Vault Tec: Among the Stars ride.

-His favourite flavour of Nuka Cola is Nuka Cola Victory. Rare to find but easily the best.

-Record farthest shot is a bean can from 410 meters. 

-He's a lightweight. Only two beers and he's buzzed enough to sing along with Red-Eye.

-Will tell a different story every time if anyone asks about the eye patch.

Hancock

-Hancock is a history buff. Loves learning about colonial era civilization. 

-Has spent days with Kent Connolly researching Silver Shroud information. He knows more about the Silver Shroud than any other companion.

-Has had a fling with every person in Goodneighbor at least once. Even Kleo. 

-At least in a sexual way, he is extremely open minded. Welcomes new experiences and new information given anywhere anytime.

-Had a decent childhood with his brother. He remembers tending to the mutfruit trees with him and eating every other piece they picked.

-Adores pickles. Would sit and eat an entire jar of pickles just because he loves the cronch so much.

-All time favourite chem is Mentats. Loves making intellectual jokes while high as a kite.

-Does not know what a lot of pre-war expressions mean, but enjoys saying them and hearing them from Sole.

-Is a master at repairing clothing. How else does the frock stay in such good condition? He tends to it every night.

-As far as euphemisms for ghouls go, he likes "beef jerky".

Longfellow

-Longfellow met Hannah while out hunting. She blasted a trapper's head clean off, and he fell harder than the trapper's body.

-He spent his youth training, hoping to become a Brotherhood soldier one day.

-And then he met a vertibird full of them. They called Far Harbor a dump while gathering supplies there. Officially decided to cease all training.

-Managed to take down 17 Mirelurks in 3 minutes. 

-Holds the record in Acadia for alcohol consumption. All records involving alcohol consumption.

-He's really fit? Longfellow could and has bench pressed Sole. 

-He only did so because Hancock and MacCready wouldn't shut up about it.

-Loves singing old shanty songs and dancing with Sole. Only when no one else is around though.

-After the events at Far Harbor, he decides to go sailing along the coast. Wants to see the world more.

MacCready

-MacCready does brush his teeth. He brushes his teeth regularly. He started brushing after he left Little Lamplight. By that point the damage was already done.

-Lucy was the one to convince him to brush his teeth.

-He can't stand the smell of lavender. Lavender candles, lavender lotion, etc...makes him feel  nauseous.

-He named his sniper rifle, "Lucy"

-Won't drink brahmin milk with cereal even to Sole's encouragement.

-Is very well read. Vault 87 had many educational textbooks hidden among the super mutants.

-MacCready was the longest lasting mayor in L.L. He was mayor for 6 years.

-He has no idea what television is and is afraid to ask any pre-wars about it.

-Wary of all ghouls, both feral and normal. He's not bias to non-ferals, but he is a little uncomfortable.

-Had a crush on Lone Wanderer when they first visited L.L. Mac told Joseph and he made fun of him.

Nick

-Nick has an oral fixation. Smokes out of habit and having the familiar feeling of a cigarette between his lips feeds into human nostalgia.

-His right hand is missing skin because he fidgets only his right. Whether it was picking at the fraying plastic or rubbing the fake skin raw.

-He lost the chunk of neck skin after Myrna accused him of working for the Institute. Tore off a chunk to prove he wasn't a perfect person or an infiltrator synth.

-Ellie was the first person in Diamond City to wholly accept Nick as he is. She asked to work with him as soon as he decided to stay.

-Piper and Nick have jam sessions where they have heavy debates about Diamond City law enforcement and criminal misuse of power in the capitalistic society of pre-war USA.

-Met Dogmeat under an overpass. He handed the dog a snack cake and scratched his head. They've been close pals ever since.

-Will "sleep" around Sole. He'll lay down and manually put himself into "sleep mode". Any unnecessary functions will shut down. He lets his thoughts take over. All Sole hears is the faintest fan whir.

Piper

-Piper plans Sole's 211th birthday. She goes all out, collects balloons, bakes several cakes with Codsworth, makes everyone attend and threatens anyone who would act up. "It's Blue's first birthday out here, you WILL behave!"

-Knows how to make mutfruit preserves, mutfruit pie, mutfruit jam and jelly. Makes it for Nat constantly.

-Has a notebook dedicated to little tidbits of info about Sole.

-Nat is exactly 8 years, 5 months, and 25 days younger than Piper. 

-Piper has interviewed every person in Diamond City. Made a game of it with Nat at first, then she just kept going with it.

-Piper has awful shorthand. Almost as bad as Curie's shorthand. Still illegible. 

-Piper's handwriting is so bad, Nat does the writing for the paper. Piper writes the final draft and Nat copies it, and sends it through the printing press.

-Despite bad handwriting, Piper is very eloquent. Can make a super mutant sound like good date idea or convince anyone how the mayor might actually be a synth.

-Her favourite of Sole's friends is Kent Connolly. Would gladly dress up and act out Silver Shroud episodes with him and Sole.

Preston

-Preston has insomnia. Cannot sleep well. Has had insomnia since Quincy. 

-Can sleep well if he's sleeping beside someone.

-Has a box under his bed of little knick-knacks children have given him over the years. Can't bear to get rid of the kid's gifts.

-He actually likes all of Sole's friends. Even Strong.

-Hates coconut. Once found an Almond-Joy while scaving and couldn't finish it to save his life.

-All time favourite candy is Peanut Brittle. Hard to find but gnawing on the hard chunks is somewhat soothing to him.

-Loves back rubs. Giving and receiving but only from close friends or lovers.

-Once accidently drank a bottle of perfume. MacCready told him it was a bottle of fancy expensive wine. 

-Sturges and Preston are the closest of friends, no less maybe more.

Strong

-Strong knows how to jump rope.

-But double dutch is a mystery.

-Before Sole, he only ate meat raw. Sole taught him how to cook it.

-Also lacks patience to cook, but slowly learning.

-Strong was created in Vault 87 after the bombs dropped but remembers nothing from being human.

-Doesn't understand bubblegum. Will always swallow it after a few seconds of chewing.

-Likes having poetry and plays read to him. 

-Sleeps holding Sole or having Sole laying across his stomach. 

-Loves fire. The smell, the feeling of heat against his hardened skin, the taste of charred meat, and watching the embers fly up and turn to ash.

-Strong can read, but chooses not to because super mutants discourage any educational behavior. 

-Likes the sound of clacking keys on a terminal. He'll turn one on and mess around with the keyboard just to hear the different sounds each key makes.

-He can't decide if hand-to-hand combat is better than using guns.

X6-88

-X6 doesn't like using plasma. He thinks the plasma is less accurate. 

-But laser weapons are his jam.

-Spends excessive amount of time augmenting his weapon. 

-If Sole helped, he would be "happy". Would never say it, but a tiny smirk would pop up on his face for half a second.

-Will collect Fancy Lad Snack Cakes. Hoards them in his bedroom in Sanctuary and in the Institute. 

-Sole found his stash and X6 blushed for the first time when they confronted him. 

-He called Sole "Mom" instead of Ma'am once. She won't let him live it down.

-He called Sole "Dad" after hearing Shaun call him "Dad" all day. He won't let him live it down.

-Actually likes kids. Won't show emotions, get down to their level, or speak to kids. But he doesn't hate children. 

-Especially likes synth Shaun. He taught synth Shaun how to use a laser pistol. Shaun found out and put X6 on probation for a month.

Bonus Vault Tec Rep and Kent Connolly under the cut.

Vault Tec Rep

-Rep spent a couple decades learning how to draw. Loves drawing from life. Mostly draws people. Occasionally draws ferals, mutants, and various animals.

-Was engaged before the war, lasted about 2 years before she died of cancer.

-His favorite food was and still is a well grilled medium rare steak.

-A total neat freak. Every space he uses as a homestead has to be thoroughly cleaned of any bacteria, ticks, dust, dirt, radiation residue, etc

-Teased in school for his red hair. "Rusty" was his least favorite nickname.

-He's extremely susceptible to pet names. Doesn't have to be anything sexual or romantic, just pet names. He blushes like a starstruck starlet.

-Loves love. Romance and old-timey corny love stories. He like to woo his partner. Flowers, chocolate, dancing, movie dates, hand written poems, you name it. 

-He misses his old red hair. Years of being a brunette and he's a little bitter about his hair.

-Least favourite part of The Wasteland is amount of bodies he sees on a daily basis. He saw about zero bodies a day on average before the war. Even in Goodneighbor, the average has risen to about 4 bodies a week. 

-Favourite part of The Wasteland is the ability to just go anywhere. After realizing he didn't have any obligation to stay any specific place, he just traveled around for a few decades.

-His father worked for Vault-Tec, and when he graduated high school, he was given a job immediately. 

-Didn't hate it. Didn't love it at first, but he had a real knack for selling.

-He never had an office in Boston HQ. He got the van, and got a sweet bonus for being top salesman, but never his own office. 

-Despite being top salesman, he was only allowed on the first and second floors. He didn't find out till after the bombs dropped that the basement and third floor up had the plans for the various vaults in the area.

-He can't apologize enough to Sole. After thinking on it and checking out vault 111 by himself, he truly feels sorry for what happened.

-Sole gets him a set of steak knives for Christmas. They're homemade by Sole. They tell him he's earned far more than a knife set, but if that's what he's pining for...

-He treasures it so much, he rarely uses them. Just before he leaves for work in the morning, he checks them over and admires them.

-He and Sole have spent days just telling each other pre war stories. He almost knows more about Sole than Piper does. And he's a little proud of that fact.

-He gets along best with, of all people, Deacon. Good sense of humour and always interested in pre-war info.

-Second best is Piper. A nice lady who snoops too much, but does treat everyone with respect and tries to remain unbiased.

Kent Connolly

-Kent was 23 when the bombs dropped.

-He was sleeping in on the Saturday morning when he heard the air raid sirens.

-Hid in his house's basement till the sirens stopped. 

-And then the radiation sickness took over. 

-It took him about 3 months to turn ghoulish. Quicker than most. 

-He dislikes Goodneighbor - the town as a whole. The people are fine, the resources are serviceable, and the safety assured is nice. But he hates how back alley it feels.

-Misses his family the most. They weren't the best, but they made him feel loved and important.

-Speaking of which, Kent had a huge family. I'm talking brothers, sisters, cousins for days, aunts, uncles...he remembers family reunions as huge gatherings chock full of food and kids running amuck.

-Maybe, just maybe, he enjoys seeing Sole all dressed like Shroud a little too much. He's a big fan.

-Once spent 4 grand on a mint condition Issue no. 3 Silver Shroud comic just to find out it was a forgery. Never got that refund. :(

-Writes really well. But only writes Silver Shroud fanfiction. Piper almost convinced him to help write an article about how crime differed before the war and after the war. But he turned her down.

-Nick has agreed to dress up as Shroud if Sole dresses up like Grognak or Mistress of Mystery. But only if Sole dresses up too.

-Irma refers to him as her son. Amari will not say the same, but she also doesn't protest.

-He used to work in comic book shop. (Of course he did.) 

-He writes self insert Silver Shroud fanfiction all the time. After the events at the hospital with Sinjin, the Shroud in his fanfictions suddenly start using Sole's pronouns and is described as physically similar as Sole.

[vampirecasanova]

〖 BEN BARNES. CIS MAN. HE&HIM. ┇ that's DEMETRI , a VAMPIRE that just blew out 28 ( 1000+ ) candles on their last birthday cake. i heard them  listening to GLORY BY THE SCORE the other day.  rumor on the street is that HE sides with THE VOLTURI in this time of war. fortunately they will be able to defend themselves with tracking sense.. they remind me of DARK EYES OBSERVING YOUR EVERY MOVE, YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE; THE THRILL OF THE CHASE; AMBIGUOUS SMILE THAT LURES YOU IN; THE SOLITUDE OF FORGETTING YOUR OWN MOTHER'S FACE; DISTANT MEMORIES OF WHAT YOU USED TO CALL FAMILY - THEY DON'T SEEM REAL ANYMORE.

→ NAME: demetri angelos tornikios → AGE / DATE OF BIRTH.: 28 (1000+) / 1000 AD → SPECIES: vampire → GENDER / PRONOUNS: cis man / he&him → SEXUALITY: bisexual 

→ PARENTS: artemius laskaris angelos tornikios & eudokia doukaina tornikina → SIBLINGS: acacius (older brother), heron (older brother), lysandra (younger sister), orion (younger brother) → PLACE OF BIRTH: thessaloni, greece, the byzantine empire → LANGUAGES: ancient greek, modern greek, old, middle and late egyptian, latin, italian, french, spanish, arabic  → OCCUPATION:  tracker → ABILITY: track people through the tenors of their minds 

→ TRAITS: charismatic, flirtatious, eloquent, manipulative, ruthless, cruel, audacious, adventurous, incisive, vitriolic, arrogant, loyal

born a loooong time ago in thessaloniki, the byzantine empire. 

he was the middle child out of five siblings. the tornikinos were what you’d consider lower class; lysandra, demetri’s younger sister was the first in the family to receive proper education. 

artemius died during the byzantine-georgian wars. demetri was fourteen. eventually his older brothers moved out, had families of their own. all the responsibilities lay on demetri - he couldn’t abandon his family. he was one of the best hunters in thessaloniki, his catches filling most of the meat markets there. 

and then.. a lot of it is a blur. his memory betrays him sometimes; this old life feeling so surreal. who was his father? he doesn’t know. it doesn’t matter. he remembers caring for his mother, his little siblings. he remembers how it felt to love them. laughing at orion’s jokes. helping out lysandra with her studies. does he remember lysandra’s face or has he made up some image in his head? he’ll never know.

he remembers anna. her beautiful wedding gown, her tears when demetri left to die in the same war his father had. only, he didn’t die. he changed. amun found him and gave him a new life. he saw demetri’s talents, embraced them and trained him. if he’d been a good hunter as human, now demetri was truly something else.

to his loved ones, he was presumed dead. it’s better this way, amun would say, but demetri didn’t listen. it wasn’t hard to find anna - just a month after his transformation. it was dangerous, but demetri was confident in himself, his abilities and restrain as usual. little did he know how easy it would be to lose control at the sight of anna with another man; just a month later and she’d already replaced him. did she even mourn? did she even care? that night, demetri made his first kill. he’d fed on people before, but amun always made sure that the man would have restraint. not tonight, though. he hadn’t meant to kill anna as well, but he was thirsty. he was angry. he’d spend the next hundred years mourning her, hating and blaming himself, until one day.. it didn’t matter. 

it didn’t take long for the volturi to hear of demetri’s gift and offer him a place in his guard. whatever the volturi wanted, they got; besides, with chelsea’s gift it was hard to refuse. demetri had been the volturi's lone tracker since then, and he was in charge of hunting down anyone who sought to avoid the volturi's grasp, typically out of fear of death. he was known as the world's best tracker, with the ability to track anyone, anywhere, as long as he had physically encountered them or anyone who had encountered them.

some wanted plots: 

* descendant (demetri has kept track of his family ever since he turned. to his surprise, one of his descendants is in mystic falls).  * people he’s turned * friends / acquantances / frenemies. ppl he gets along with but would betray in a heartbeat for the volturi.  * exes / past flings / hook ups. demetri doesn’t do serious relationships so most of these would have been casual, but i’m also down for a serious relationship that ended up in a disaster * more volturi plots in general and also pls his bestie felix!! * anything we could think of <3

[purplesurveys]

1257

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry?  Oh for sure. We had to watch It’s A Beautiful Life and I know I cried every single time I watched that movie, whether for school or on my own time.

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about?  I don’t really get this question. I feel like it would make more sense if it asked how early I’m willing to wake up in the morning...? Anyway, I don’t pay attention to the time I sleep at night. Sometimes I’ll pass out as early as midnight, and sometimes I’ll be up until 3; it doesn’t matter to me.

What is you favorite type of lunch meat?  I’m not into those in general.

What time of the year do you dislike the most?  The heat in April and May is just brutal and uncalled for. It gets so hot and disgustingly humid and most times the aircon can’t even do much to quell it.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs?  Yeah, banana ketchup since that’s what we usually have a bottle of. Generally, I have banana ketchup with most of my breakfast dishes too.

What is your favorite color to wear? I don’t really have a favorite to wear those days mostly because I barely go out anyway and there’s been little need to update my closet.

Are you an overachiever?  Seems like the type of question you should be asking my parents, not me haha. Personally, though, I’m fairly proud of what I’ve accomplished.

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)?  Maybe longer legs and smaller teeth, but I’m not exactly insecure about mine.

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry? Did you just raise the possibility of marrying a deer? Anyway...since I mentioned Two for the Road in the last survey, I’ll go with Mark from that movie. Seems like my type of partner. 

How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)?  With legs...around 2-3 weeks. Armpits, maybe about a week or so. Never more than a month for either.

What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else?  For the most part I’ve always been cautious of what I say; writing, on the other hand...I’ve written stuff on my diary wherein I let out all my frustrations against my mom. I know they were mean because she cried over them – but that also entailed snooping through my stuff, so I’ve never felt bad about it. I meant those things as I wrote them because it was my safe space, and she violated that. That’s on her.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry?  I did, but I instantly realized it was bad so I stopped as soon as I began.

What is your favorite thing about your life?  How everything seems to have fallen in its place these days. There’s really little to complain about and I’m grateful for that.

Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire?  Animals.

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody?  No.

How many real bfs/gfs have you had?  One.

Did you enjoy your past relationships?  I did.

Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. << I love this choice, let’s just go with this one lol.

Could you wait until marriage for sex?  Sure.

What’s the best Nirvana song?  I don’t listen to them. I know a couple of songs but I don’t like them enough to be my favorites.

What was the last thing that impressed you?  The new Butter remix with Megan Thee Stallion.

When was the last time you were in a pet store?  Years, years ago.

What nationality is your last name?  Spanish or Portuguese, I’m not super sure.

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip?  I never dip my chips; I just have them as is.

Who was the last boy that you saw cry?  Idk...maybe one of my cousins from one of our family reunions last year. I don’t get to be around a lot of boys or guys.

Does your mom know you do surveys?  No. I’ve never had to raise it and I can’t see a situation where I would have to.

Have you ever had a serious injury?  Yeah, I got a big wound from when I went snorkeling around a decade ago. I wasn’t provided flippers so when I was kicking to stay afloat I managed to hit the coral reefs underneath repeatedly, which majorly scraped and gashed my left foot until it was an open, bleeding mess. It was infected for weeks and I’m surprised it didn’t leave any kind of mark or scar.

What was the last thing you achieved?  Handling a campaign for a major client successfully and getting good coverage and results for it.

Would you enjoy being famous?  Probably, but I wish I had some sort of talent or skill that would propel me to popularity in the first place hahaha.

What’s under your bed?  Some things I collected from past hobbies and interests, like all my old wrestling magazines.

Do you enjoy travelling?  Love it.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it?  I mean I joined an org in college, which technically makes me a member for life. I’m not name-dropping but it’s one of the two journalism organizations in my alma mater.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk?  I can’t recall. I don’t drink strawberry milk.

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set?  I never collected those.

Do you have a clock in your room?  Nope.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher?  I honestly can’t remember. I only had like three sessions with different instructors for each, and the one instructor I remember having was extremely cranky and impatient.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite?  Hold It Against Me is pretty fun.

Does mind over matter work for you?  Sure.

Are you paranoid?  Oh yeah. Overthinker is pretty much my middle name.

What is the best thing about winter?  I wouldn’t know but considering the things associated with it, I’ve always believed it would be my favorite season.

Have you ever been truly in love?  Hmm. I think so, yeah. I’d give myself that.

Are you currently planning a trip?  Nah. Nothing set in stone, but Angela, Reena, and I have been talking about flying to South Korea next year. We’ll see.

How many plants are in your home?  Several. My mom is a bit of a fan, but it’s nothing obsessive.

What is your favorite possession?  I treasure my BTS merch, I guess haha. Nobody is allowed to touch them or move them around without my permission. As often as my mom likes to barge in my room and touch my stuff, she seems to understand and doesn’t lay a finger on any of the merch either.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked?  Sure. But it's never really mattered to me; it just feels nice to be nice and do nice things for people. It does feel nice to be thanked, but I don’t necessarily do it for the recognition.

What movies have tripped you out?  I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Midsommar, Anomalisa, Under the Skin, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and The Killing of A Sacred Deer are a few of them.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade?  Yesssss, I even had a pair as a kid. I got into it because I loved to ice skate, but it turned out I wasn’t as good as gliding on the ground so I ultimately preferred ice skating. Anyway, no, I haven’t done rollerblading in years.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night?  I did. I stayed because it’s where I felt safe and I didn’t know where else to go or what else to do outside of it.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating?  Sure.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep?  Nope. I find them more distracting than anything else, and they actually keep me from sleeping.

What summertime treats do you love?  I don’t have any.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. < Yeah, this sounds about right.

What do you hate most about moving?  The last time we moved was in 2008...and I don’t really remember disliking any part of it. I was actually excited for us to have a home all to ourselves after living with extended family in a cramped house all my life.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting?  Depends where. Sometimes it can be exciting, sometimes it can be inconvenient but you kinda do it out of desperation lol.

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks?  No, I’m scared of how it would affect my body so I’ve never tried.

Has anyone ever whistled at you?  Countless random men.

Do you like scarves?  They can be comfy if I’m traveling somewhere cold...but I don’t really get to do that often, so.

Is your father homophobic?  I haven’t seen any signs from him. My mom is much more likely to exhibit internalized homophobia – she just did the other night.

Do you take gummy vitamins?  No, only when I was a teenager.

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all?  I don’t think so, nothing I can recall.

Who would you like to meet before you die?  I don’t have any goal person in mind.

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? Hmm, probably not. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of?  The Avril Lavigne doppelganger one is extremely hilarious and I read up so many thread about it on Twitter just so I can see how far people can stretch it.

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die?  I don’t care.

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else?  Either of my best friends.

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday?  The weather.

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy?  My mom.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself?  Yeah the soundtracks are actually fucking great. The person who took this survey before me named Supermassive Black Hole by Muse, and that’s one of my favorites from all the soundtracks. The song Slow Life in New Moon is nice, too. How old was the first person you kissed?  She was 17, going on 18.

Will you be a strict parent one day?  I’d have some rules set but I wouldn’t suffocate my kids.

Last person to stand up for you?  Heck if I know. I can do that for myself.

Have you been to a baby shower?  No.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?  My ex.

What’s your favorite high school memory?  Hiding a same-sex relationship from my conservative, homophobic Catholic teachers.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single?  I like being single these days.

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do?  Trying out the Nevis Swing in New Zealand.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate?  I saw no point in studying chemistry.

Italian food or Chinese food?  Chinese. I like Italian cuisine, but sometimes I find it a tad bit salty for my taste.

Do you like to make flash cards when you study?  Not flash cards but sometimes I’ll write my notes down in several index cards because for some reason I retain information better that way.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer?  No.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online?  No. I never saw the appeal of most of them, honestly.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike.  Gabie.

What do you think about Marilyn Manson?  I have nothing to say about him tbh. 

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school?  Nothing beyond getting into an argument with this kid in 2nd grade and getting sent to the counselor’s office for it.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras?  I used to, until I handed it down to my sister...and until she let it smash onto the ground because she didn’t place it on her tripod properly when she was filming one time. I still don’t get why she’s so defensive about it; I wish she’d just admit she majorly fucked up on that. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets?  It makes me silently judge the parents more so than letting myself be bothered by a child.

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother?  We’re not offered the chance to get yearbooks unless we’re in graduating years.

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome?  No.

Jalapeños: yay or nay?  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Did you ever play Minecraft? No. I can’t care less.

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member?  I didn’t.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense?  Me, sometimes. Hahahaha.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you?  The way I was broken up with, like what the person who last took this said. I’m not tortured by it and her anymore, but I don’t think I deserved to intensely mull over about what I could have possibly done to be broken up with the way she did.

What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. < This pretty much hits the nail on the head on how my ex is, so I’ll just go ahead and agree.

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it?  I’d get braces again and...that’s it, really.

What are your feelings on feminism?  I support it and I support how it advocates equality.

Describe your first relationship?  I’ve only had one relationship so I’ll just answer the following question.

Describe your last relationship?  Internally toxic; uhhh healthy at some points I guess, when she wasn’t being a selfish prick; a disaster towards the end.

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex?  I honestly don’t know what constitutes ‘safe sex’ in a same-sex relationship, sooooo idk if I have.

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply?  It’s a realistic take on love and I appreciate that it took its sweet time to highlight the ugly sides of love and marriage. Also, Audrey Hepburn taking her acting chops to the next level was just beautiful to watch. She was always a fantastic actress in all her movies, but I could tell her acting in Two for the Road had just a little bit more depth to it.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?  That I’m nice and approachable.

Do you feel protective over someone?  My friends.

What perfume/cologne do you wear?  Heat Rush.

Where did your vehicle come from?  My parents got it for me as a high school grad gift.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?  I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007, and back then I was designated as a flower girl lol. I’ve never been to a wedding where I was chosen to be a bridesmaid.

What is your favorite way to eat chicken?  CHICKEN SANDWICH. Also chicken wings.

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is:  Oreo cheesecake topped with 24 macarons.

What do you wear to bed?  Something thin and airy.

What were you doing at 8pm last night?  I was watching Bon Voyage.

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

The Ninja as Things My Friends and I Have Said

My friend keeps a quote-book and I thought y’all would enjoy this lol

Jay: say your last words to me, I’m about to be smited

Jay: I am so bright, I am star

Kai: Pickles and Dick Jay: Pickle my dick? Kai: PICKLE AND DICK! Lloyd: TICKLE MY DICK?

Kai: I want to play hot potato with a hand grenade

Lloyd: this chocolate milk mocks me

Kai: Can we all agree that when Jay walks he looks like a flamboyant gay drag-queen toddler

Lloyd, looking at a tampon: is that a cheese stick?

Kai: Where you at you little hoe?

Cole: Don’t do gay it’s not healthy 

Jay: I live life as a pirate. Because a pirate is free

Jay: The sun's only up for half the year in Alaska Cole: We have that too. It's called nighttime

Morro: Lick his nuts, they have a sorta Mexican flavor

Kai: I need to be surrounded with seven beautiful naked women in order to sleep at night

Lloyd: You know how there's like a line between bravery and stupidity? Nya: Jay is that line

Jay: Disclaimer: I am an anxious bean

Wu: It’s not your fault but it is your problem

Cole: I can't keep a straight face anymore. It's gay now.

Lloyd: That was such a late reaction it could've been my dad coming back

Zane: DISCO PENIS

Kai: I wanna stand around and look GORGEOUS

Kai: I'm outrageously good-looking Zane: No you’re not

Lloyd: I admit when I'm wrong! Kai: Oh yeah. But I'm like never wrong!

All of the ninja, always: It would be so much fun to hurt a bad person

Zane: what state do I live in? Jay: depression

Kai: cool onesie... can I get inside it?

Lloyd: They call me Santa. I bring snow to the children.

Kai: Don't fucking giggle you little shit.

Nya: I will beat you with a meat stick

Cole: You moan more than the dumpster out back

Wu: Don't stick the plungers on your foreheads!

Garmadon: whY are you SMelLING the plungers?

Zane: How does one piss in a watermelon?

Lloyd: When I become 99 pounds I'm going to eat a pound of chicken nuggets so I can be 1% chicken nugget. It's indisputable.

Cole: It smells like SHIT. Like it smells kinda okay now, but it still smells like shit. So it's like. Perfumeshit

Jay: Your socks are untied

Lloyd: Morro can just molest himself

Jay: Can you please not get a fucking locker smaller than my self esteem

Zane: You be smellin your own shit soon Jay: I already do Zane: Get it? Cause your mom gay. Everyone: ...what?

Lloyd: My name's Lloyd and I wear shoes sometimes

Nya: Unlike Skylor, they actually like balls

Kai: Fuck fuck fucking fuck fucking fucktown

Jay. I’m about to go commit space heater in bathtub

Kai: Vaccines make you gay

Lloyd: It’s not because I’m Asian, its because I eat rice so much

Zane: Hi. I’m Zane. ... my dick fell off

Kai, to Lloyd: Your dad is my fuckbuddy. ... wait. Shit.

Lloyd: You didn’t miss. You hit me right in the fucking nipple.

Kai: Eat my dick

Nya. Bite off your own dick

Cole: Your face looks like you're trying to make your dick fall off

Lloyd: So we were sitting watching TV eating macaroni with a fruit roll-up soaking my feet in a trashcan

Jay: I’m gonna go commit visit Pompeii in time machine

Jay: How can spiders fall from the ceiling and just skrrrrt away

Kai: Because none of us can speak proper sentences

Kai: Hold on. I'm sending a meme. I can't fight.

Jay: Engulf your own dick

Jay: Please don’t have a Boston tea party in my back yard

Kai: Still it felt like I committed a minor crime in Iran with all the water in my nose

Jay: Sensei Wu, please throw scissors... I kinda wanna die

Kai: I got royally fucked

Jay: Get your meaty luscious legs

Jay: The fuck you mean take my pants off? They're always on! Cause no one wants me to take them off!

Lloyd, picking up a napkin and seeing food fall out: IT’S BIRTHING 

Zane, threateningly: Give me your kidneys 

The Overlord: Where is your technology stored?

Zane: I can balance my body on my boner and spin like a beyblade

Kai: My balls are not a muscle

Cole: So apparently I'm not the only one with asymmetrical balls. Lloyd: Wait actually? Cole: Well yesterday Kai gave us a very descriptive description of his balls

Zane, sarcastically: Gosh darn don’t you hate it when you're not allowed to bring your 5 dollar footlong subway to training

Lloyd: So he poked me in the back with a pencil and my third grade self was like, "BLASPHEMY"

Kai: You.... dickmuncher

Jay: We're playing infinity Life. It's like Life but the cars are infinity stones.

Kai: I could have divine gay sex and it would still be nohomo.

Cole, during some super serious training: Bake me into a pie daddy

Kai: a compliment sandwich, like this: I like your shoes, YOU SUCK, your eyes are pretty

Zane, to Lloyd: Don't KILL her! Too much paperwork!

Jay: Stop moving your butt. It's uncomfortable when you clench it

Cole: The STICK.. will be UP YOU! Kai: My ASS is your spot!

Jay, teaching Kai to roller skate: First, we master walking  

Kai: I know I’m beautiful and perfect and amazing and huMBLE

Lloyd: I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

Cole: I'm allergic to emotions!

Zane: Yeet is not a valid Scrabble word

Kai: I love myself 3000. And you should, too. Love yourself, that is. Unless you wanna love me as well, cause that’s cool too.

Zane: Is doing drugs illegal

Lloyd: Post-traumatic stress? More like spicy memories

Jay: Be quiet so I can see

Cole: Why is my wallaber grinding its ass on the floor?

Kai: Whatever, my ass cheeks are balanced ... just as all things should be

Garmadon: IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN TO MAKE SOMEBODY THINK YOU WERE GONNA HIT THEM WITH YOUR CAR!

Sensei Garmadon: First of all, nobody says they're fine when they're good

Lloyd, getting himself a donut: A chocolate frosted donut for a chocolate frosted child

Nya, about Harumi: I just loathed her at first sight. Like your dad!

Morro, about Lloyd: He reminds me of a cucumber.

Cole, after becoming human again: I’m like Jesus... I thirst

Lloyd, sipping apple juice out of a shot glass: I'm just... done, ya know

Jay: Zane was eating my popcorn and I was like "hey that's my popcorn!" And he looks me dead in the eye and goes "surprise communism!"

Lloyd: I consumed a spatula

Jay: I almost burned down my house making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Zane, after Jay climbs on his back: Unmount me you heathen.

Kai: Yeah it's been such a dick-licking long time

Karlof: In Metalonia we do not have sister, we have brother with pussy

Zane: I want to delete my meatsack

Little Lloyd: At about 10 I was so hungry so I went to the med tent and pretended to be fainting so I got crackers

Garmadon: Before we leave I'm gonna sing a Disney song to attract all the females. Especially Misako

Jay, about to get sunburned: I know right, sunscreen is gross, you look like a glazed donut after you put it on

Cole: I like nuts but not that much. ... both kinds... I like my own nuts.

Zane: Hi I’m Zane and I’m the only one in this group with any form of common sense

Lloyd: Oh there's just someone throwing up over there! Kai: That’s hot

Cole, having a cashew thrown at him: I don’t want to swallow your nut ... I DON’T WANT YOUR NUT

Lloyd: My uncle is  going to sacrifice my body

Kai: Okay. You ALL can eat MY ass

Lloyd: A picture will last longer than your family will

Garmadon: That last rep was like a hydroflask and this one was like a kleankanteen

Kai: I bet for a second he was like "oh my God they care about me"

Kai: Because no one would be ballsy enough, no pun intended, to whip his dick out and piss on a crowded bus

Jay: Fuck a duck Lloyd: Please just dont ..ff... a duck Jay: But the duck likes it. It goes quackquackquackQUACKAFLACK.

Lloyd: Digiorno? More like I'm fucking hungry

Lloyd: My socks are so wet tis but a small price to pay for salvation

Kai: No means no muchacho

Dareth after failing at spinjitzu: Now I'm just dizzy and my ass hurts

Zane: I said, Cole, don’t orgasm in public, it’s rude, and Cole started moaning as loud as humanly possible

Lloyd: Say cheese! Kai: Whiskey!

Jay: Who the fucking dammit

Jay: Spongebob square-nuts

Jay: Actual- ACTUALLY it WOULDN’T make me more of a smartass because my SMART has yet to be caught up with my ASS

Lloyd: I hate it when my foot becomes the itch

Kai: STDs are like pokemon, you gotta catch em all

Kai: Here y’all are like "I like them 'cause of how they hold themselves and whatnot" and I’m just like “GIRL PRETTY"

Cole: I hate it whenever my foot becomes the gay.

Kai: I’m shit at being a person, not a shit person.

Zane: Buses turn me on

Jay: No pissing in our VSCO hangout!

Lloyd: Are y’all on high?

Kai: Its gotta warm up to start lavaing, now it’s just lamping.

Kai, crying: When I was crawling through the sewer my hair got stuck in my knee pit and ripped out a chunk

Lloyd, deepthroating a plastic recorder: I’m blonde so naturally, I'm good at this

Kai: I’m depressed. I’m stressed. But at least I’m well-dressed.

Lloyd: Nom nom milk carton

Cole, playing Life: Give me children

Jay, on a Thursday: If Friday was a Tuesday, it would be today

Kai: We're eating lotion and calling it spicy butter ... it’s spiritually spicy

Kai: I don’t fucking know! I'm not a cheese wheel!

Zane: Beepbeep bitch what's that? My lie detector smells a lie

Lloyd: I aced two tests today! The PSAT and the rice purity test!

Pixal: I don't really get the phrase "dry as bones" because your bones are in fact, wet

Cole: Kai, Kai, we can draw you as one of those anime girls. With humungous eyes. Actually no, it doesn't matter what the size of your eyes are. But your boobs are HUGE.

Lloyd: Jay wants to become the Alpha hoe

Cole: STOP TOUCHING MY HEAD AND SAYING IT FEELS GOOD

Jay: Deli sandwich equals cold hamburger

Lloyd: How was your day? Cole: Good. I have pie dough in my water bottle

Jay: If we do that we can reach our minimum requirement which is our goal

Kai: You can taste the freedom in that nacho cheese

Lloyd: I lust for the crust

Garmadon: You dirty-minded fools!

Anyone, to Skylor: You sucked the fire

Lloyd: OHMYGOD WE GET TO COLOR WITH CRAYONS!

Nya: Not to be lesbian or anything... but DAMN

Jay: No means no in Spanish

Kai: Bro saxophone is literally the sexiest instrument alive

Wu: The only wrong answers are the ones I don’t agree with

Kai: Look, why do you need to be a bottom to suck someone else's cock?

Cole: Jay, you suck Jay: More so than you do? Kai: Wait... wait you mean like you suck at the game or you’re better at sucking than he is?

Kai: WE CAN WANT YOU SEXUALLY TOO

Cole: That's not kinky, that's just abusive

Lloyd: CAN WE STOP USING THE TERM “BLONDE BITCH”

Cole: That’s not how you do it! Straddle me HO!

Kai: I didn’t mean to kick you in the coochie! Jay, I’m the distance: Be genital with her!

Cole: Yeah, also Jay tackled me and then grabbed me in between his legs and Kai jumped on top and Jay smacked his ass and I tried to record so Kai tried to smack my phone out of my hand and missed and his finger went right in my eye so I rolled over screaming and they got up and threw pebbles at me

Cole: It sounds naked! Music!

Kai, to anyone after they say Wu seems chill: He looks like a big soft squishy man but he is not

Zane: On average, in order to feel happy, you need to be touched, (pokes Jay) 8 times a day Kai raises two fingers on each hand: I’m about to make you ALL happy" *every person at the table in unison scoots away*

Zane: You looked like lord farquad but in a cute way!

Jay, after getting a pizza shoved at him. The pepperoni sanitized my facehole

Kai: I am the WITNESS! VICTIM! And I will play ... the e x e c u t i o n e r .

[brigdh]

Reading Definitely Not Wednesday

Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey. A space opera set in the relatively near future. Humans have colonized Mars and the asteroid belt, and a few scattered populations make due on the moons of planets further out. There is, however, no faster-than-light travel, no contact with any solar system beyond our own, no sentient AIs, and no aliens. A major theme of the book is the culture clash between those who live on Earth or Mars – the superpowers of this future – and those who live in the Belt, where mining is the preeminent economy and life is the hardscrabble sort where even water and oxygen have to be imported, never mind concepts like justice and equality. Different characters move from one place to the other or switch allegiances, but their origins are as baked in as we would regard ethnicity or nationality. As one character puts it, "A childhood spent in gravity shaped the way he saw things forever." Corey (who is actually two separate dudes writing under a penname) does a wonderful job of fleshing out the background worldbuilding. I loved references to fungal-culture whiskey, Bhangra as the default elevator muzak, hand gestures exaggerated to be seen through a spacesuit, and largely unintelligible localized slang (“Bomie vacuate like losing air,” the girl said with a chuckle. “Bang-head hops, kennis tu?” / “Ken,” Miller said. /“Now, all new bladeboys. Overhead. I’m out.”). It feels like a more detailed world than a lot of sci-fi does. Which is good, because the characters are not all that compelling. The two POVs are Jim Holden and Detective Miller. Holden is the second-in-command on an unimportant spaceship that works as a freight hauler, moving ice back and forth between the Belt and Saturn. Things change dramatically when a mysterious someone attacks their ship and kills everyone except for Holden and a few others, and he finds himself centrally involved in the runup to war. He has the most generic action-movie-hero personality I can imagine, with no discernable characteristics except 'idealistic' (and I really only know that because other people keep telling him he is), kinda nervous about being suddenly thrust into command but doing a good job, a womanizer (but see, it's okay because he just keeps genuinely falling in love with so many women!), and earnest. He's fine. He's not even objectionable, just incredibly boring. He comes with a crew of entirely indistinguishable followers that I couldn't keep straight, but that's all right because most of them get killed off so I no longer had to try to remember who was who. He also develops a romance that is 100% unbelievable, but I suppose that's what action-movie-heroes do, so who's even surprised. Miller is a detective on Ceres, the largest city in the Belt, who's been hired by a rich family to track down their anarchist, slumming daughter. Miller is an incredibly cliche noir protagonist - alcoholic, divorced, not as good as he used to be, cynical, a little bit corrupt but underneath it all he still remembers his good intentions – but at least that means he has more of a personality than Jim, even if it's a personality you've seen a thousand times before. On the other hand, Miller becomes obsessed with this dead/missing girl in a way that is painfully stereotypical Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Two things kept this from ruining Leviathan Wakes for me. One, Miller is at least somewhat self-aware about it: This was why he had searched for her. Julie had become the part of him that was capable of human feeling. The symbol of what he could have been if he hadn’t been this. There was no reason to think his imagined Julie had anything in common with the real woman. Meeting her would have been a disappointment for them both. And two, there's a twist near the end that allows Julie to finally have her own voice in the text, and not exist solely as Miller's imagined dependance on her. It takes almost half the book for Miller and Holden to finally cross paths, at which point the missing-girl mystery and the war plot combine and take a twist for a direction I DID NOT SEE COMING. I am ambivalent on whether to spoil this; on the one hand, I read it unprepared and it was incredibly awesome to experience it that way. On the other hand, I suspect this is information that will be a determining factor for many people on whether they want to read it or not. So: halfway through, Leviathan Wakes takes a wild jump and becomes about a zombie outbreak. I would not have previously thought that 'space opera' and 'zombie apocalypse' are two genres that should be combined, but the tension and excitement skyrocket once the book takes this turn, transforming it from average quality to 'I CANNOT STOP READING, MUST FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT'. So, good choice! The sequence with Miller and Holden trapped on a small space station trying to sneak their way past zombie hordes is one of the most thrilling I've read in ages. Leviathan Wakes is the first book in a series (apparently it was originally supposed to be a trilogy, but there's currently eight books out with at least one more planned, along with a batch of short stories) and has also become a show on the Syfy network that I haven't seen. I feel like I've spent a lot of this review complaining, but honestly I mostly enjoyed the book and am planning to read the sequels. The fact that people seem to like the characters from future books more than these ones certainly doesn't hurt! Pig/Pork: Archaeology, Zoology and Edibility by Pia Spry-Marques. A nonfiction book about everything remotely related to the farming and eating of pigs. I expected from the subtitle and the author's personal background that archaeology would be the main focus, but it turns out that's really only the first two chapters, which cover the Paleolithic hunting of wild boar and the original domestication of pigs. The other chapters turn to topics as diverse as experiments on feeding farmed pigs leftovers from restaurants, the spread of foot-and-mouth disease, a special Spanish ham called ibérico de bellota which can only be fed acorns, genetically modifiying pigs so their manure would contain less phosporus, sunburn in pigs, minature pet pigs, organ donation between humans and pigs, the terrifying tapeworms to be acquired from eating raw pork, why pork is a 'white' meat, how to make sausages, theories on why pork is neither halal nor kosher, the use of an enzyme from pig pancreases in wine production, EU food-safety regulations on traditional pork dishes, Cuba's 'Bay of Pigs', the Pig War between the US and Canada in 1859, and Oliver Cromwell's favorite pig breed. Basically if it has the remotest connection to the title, Spry-Marques has included it. She even includes recipes for each chapter, though some of them are clearly more for amusement than actual consumption – I can't imagine anyone having just finished a chapter on how eating raw pork will give you cysts in your brain is eager to try figatellu, a type of uncooked sausage from France. And it would take a braver foodie than me to taste "Asian-inspired pork uterus with green onion and ginger". In fact, as is probably not surprising for any book which touches on factory farming however briefly, you will probably come away not wanting to eat pork at all for a while. Spry-Marques's writing is breezy and conversational, which kept me turning the pages even when the structure was a bit scattered. I wish it were more focused, but it's a great book for anyone who enjoys popular science, history, or food writing. I read this as an ARC via NetGalley. Song of Blood & Stone by L. Penelope. A YA fantasy novel with some unusual elements. Rather than being set in vaguely medieval England or a dystopian sci-fi future, we're in a country where the technology seems to be around 1900: cars and electric lights exist, but they're restricted to rich cities, and someone coming from rural poverty might well have never seen either. Magic exists, but comes from one's heritage; you're either born with it or not. In Elsira, where our story is set, it's rare to the point of nonexistence. Our heroine Jasminda, however, does have magic, due to her father having been a refugee from the neighboring country of Lagrimar, where magic is common. Elsira and Lagrimar have been constantly at war for hundreds of years, but are separated by a magical Barrier which allows no one to pass through, except on rare occasions when a temporary breach happens and violence erupts. Elsirans are light-skinned and Lagrimari are dark-skinned, so Jasminda has dealt with fairly severe racism throughout her life. The story starts when Jasminda runs across Jack, a Elsiran soldier just back from spying in Lagrimar who has super important information that must get back to the capital as soon as possible; unfortunately Jack has just been shot and is closely pursued by a troop of Lagrimari soldiers. Jasminda and Jack team up, fall in love, and try to prevent the coming outbreak of war. The most revealing thing I can say about Song of Blood & Stone is that it's very, very YA. (As you could probably guess, what with its title that fits exactly into the pattern of the 'YA title' meme currently going around tumblr.) Almost everything that happens is easily predictable from the back cover (Jack's long-withheld backstory is clearly supposed to be a shocking twist, but it's obvious from the moment he appears), the prose is mediocre but fine, good and bad guys are clearly signalled, the real world parallels (racism, treatment of refugees, domestic abuse) are good-hearted but extremely Social Justice 101. On the plus side, the beginning was the worst part and it got better and better as it went along; several developments near the very end were so interesting that I'm tempted to read the sequel, despite my initial boredom. Overall it's not a bad book, but I'd only recommend it to people who are extremely affectionate of the most repetitive tropes of the YA genre. I read this as an ARC from a GoodReads giveaway.

[DW link for easier commenting]

[sciencespies]

Christmas Across Indian Country, During the Pandemic and Before

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Christmas Across Indian Country, During the Pandemic and Before

Smithsonian Voices National Museum of the American Indian

Christmas Across Indian Country, During the Pandemic and Before

December 22nd, 2020, 11:00AM / BY

Dennis Zotigh

“Hogan in the Snow,” ca. 1985. Painted by Robert Draper (Diné [Navajo], 1938–2000). Chinle, Navajo Nation, Arizona. 26/6481 (National Museum of the American Indian)

The introduction of Christianity to the original peoples of the Americas can be controversial in Native circles. Europeans brought Christianity to this half of the world and imposed it on Native communities, knowingly replacing existing spiritual beliefs with the beliefs taught in the bible. Cruelty and brutality often accompanied the indoctrination of Native peoples. Yet it is also true that some tribes, families, and individuals accepted the bible and Jesus’ teachings voluntarily.

Music played an important part in converting Native people, establishing their practice of worship, and teaching them how to celebrate the Christmas season. Perhaps the earliest North American Christmas carol was written in the Wyandot language of the Huron-Wendat people. Jesous Ahatonhia (“Jesus, He is born”)—popularly known as Noël huron or the Huron Carol—is said by oral tradition to have been written in 1643 by the Jesuit priest Jean de Brébeuf. The earliest known transcription was made in the Huron-Wendat settlement at Lorette, Quebec, in the 1700s.

During the 1920s, the Canadian choir director J. E. Middleton rewrote the carol in English, using images from the Eastern Woodlands to tell the Christmas story: A lodge of broken bark replaces the manger, the baby Jesus is wrapped in rabbit skin, hunters take the place of the shepherds, and chiefs bring gifts of fox and beaver furs. A much more accurate translation by the linguist John Steckley, an adopted member of the Huron-Wendat Nation of Loretteville, makes clear that the carol was written not only to teach early Catholic converts within the Huron Confederacy the story of Jesus’ birth, but also to explain its significance and to overturn earlier Native beliefs.

Here are the first verses of the carol in Wyandot and Steckley’s complete English translation:

Estenniayon de tsonwe Iesous ahatonnia onn’ awatewa nd’ oki n’ onyouandaskwaentak ennonchien eskwatrihotat n’onyouandiyonrachatha Iesous ahatonnia, ahatonnia. Iesous ahatonnia.

Ayoki onkiennhache eronhiayeronnon iontonk ontatiande ndio sen tsatonnharonnion Warie onn’ awakweton ndio sen tsatonnharonnion Iesous ahatonnia, ahatonnia. Iesous ahatonnia.

Have courage, you who are humans; Jesus, he is born Behold, the spirit who had us as prisoners has fled Do not listen to it, as it corrupts the spirits of our minds Jesus, he is born

They are spirits, sky people, coming with a message for us They are coming to say, Rejoice (Be on top of life) Marie, she has just given birth. Rejoice Jesus, he is born

Three have left for such, those who are elders Tichion, a star that has just appeared on the horizon leads them there He will seize the path, he who leads them there Jesus, he is born

As they arrived there, where he was born, Jesus the star was at the point of stopping, not far past it Having found someone for them, he says, Come here! Jesus, he is born

Behold, they have arrived there and have seen Jesus, They praised (made a name) many times, saying, Hurray, he is good in nature They greeted him with reverence (greased his scalp many times), saying, Hurray Jesus, he is born

We will give to him praise for his name, Let us show reverence for him as he comes to be compassionate to us. It is providential that you love us and wish, I should adopt them. Jesus, he is born.

All throughout Indian Country, Native people have gathered in churches, missions, and temples to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ by singing carols and hymns in their Native languages. In some churches, the story of Jesus’ birth is recited in Native languages. Some Native churches host nativity plays using Native settings and actors to re-enact the birth of Jesus Christ. Among Catholics, Christmas Eve Mass traditionally begins in Indian communities at midnight and extends into the early hours of Christmas Day. In tipis, hogans, and houses, Native American Church members also hold Christmas services, ceremonies that begin on Christmas Eve and go on all night until Christmas morning.

In contemporary times, traditional powwow singing groups have rearranged Christmas songs to appeal to Native audiences. A humorous example is Warscout’s NDN 12 Days of Christmas, from their album Red Christmas. Native solo artists also perform Christmas classics in Native languages. Rhonda Head (Cree), for example, has recorded Oh Holy Night, and Jana Mashpee (Lumbee and Tuscarora) Winter Wonderland sung in Ojibwe.

Native communities host traditional tribal dances and powwows on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Among the Pueblo Indians of the Southwest special dances take place, such as buffalo, eagle, antelope, turtle, and harvest dances. The Eight Northern Pueblos perform Los Matachines—a special dance-drama mixing North African Moorish, Spanish, and Pueblo cultures—takes place on Christmas Eve, along with a pine-torch procession.

In an earlier year, Grandson Maheengun Atencio and Grandmother Edith Atencio prepared for the Matachines Christmas Eve dance at Ohkay Owingeh Pueblo, New Mexico. Due to the pandemic, many ceremonial dances across Indian Country have been postponed, as Native people are very concerned for the safety of their elders. (Photo courtesy of Maheengun Atencio, used with permission)

For Native artisans, this is traditionally the busy season as they prepare special Christmas gift items. Artists and craftsmen and women across the country create beadwork, woodwork, jewelry, clothing, basketry, pottery, sculpture, paintings, leatherwork, and feather work for special Christmas sales and art markets that are open to the public. For the 15 years before 2020, the National Museum of the American Indian held its annual Native Art Market in New York and Washington a few weeks before Christmas.

In many communities and homes, Christian customs are interwoven with Native culture as a means of expressing Christmas in a uniquely Native way. The importance of giving is a cultural tradition among most tribes. Even in times of famine and destitution, Native people have made sure their families, the old, and orphans were taken care of. This mindset prevails into the present. Gift-giving is appropriate whenever a tribal social or ceremonial gathering takes place.

In the same way, traditional Native foods are prepared for this special occasion. Salmon, walleye, shellfish, moose, venison, elk, mutton, geese, rabbit, wild rice, collards, squash, pine nuts, red and green chile stews, pueblo bread, piki bread, and bannock (fry bread) are just a few of the things that come to mind. Individual tribes and Indian organizations sponsor Christmas dinners for their elders and communities prior to Christmas. Tribal service groups and warrior societies visit retirement homes and shelters to provide meals for their tribesmen and women on Christmas Day.

According to the Urban Indian Health Commission, nearly seven out of every ten American Indians and Alaska Natives—2.8 million people—live in or near cities, and that number is growing. During the Christmas holidays, many urban Natives travel back to their families, reservations, and communities to reconnect and reaffirm tribal bonds. They open presents and have big family meals like other American Christians.

For the last few years, Native friends have shared their families’ Christmas plans and traditions with the museum. This extraordinary year, we asked how the Covid-19 pandemic is affecting their families and communities. Those replies are given first here, then the answers we received in 2019 and 2018. Thank you to everyone who took time to tell us a little about their lives.

I live in Upstate New York. Most of my adult life I hardly had Christmas with my family, because I was deployed, stationed overseas, or too far from home. It’s nothing new to be with just my immediate family. So, for anyone who says they can’t have Christmas with family, please consider the men and women in uniform who can’t this year and ones before who weren’t able to.

Topeka, Kansas: I’m a middle school history teacher, and we are in remote education. Our Covid numbers are some of the highest in the country. No churches are open, so no services. Most stores close early, and there is a restaurant and bar curfew. No congregating of any sort is allowed, and we have not only mask mandates, but other rules that have curtailed any events.

The saddest thing I saw today was that our Prairie Band Potawatomi neighbors just a few miles north of us can’t sell enough of their meat, so they are advertising selling it at the Rez gas station in bulk. They’re hoping to break even, but likely will take a loss. Covid is taking a toll everywhere, but here in Indian Country it’s so real. Many of my students, including my tribal students, are facing a very difficult Christmas. Our school has adopted a family whose parents asked only for a kitchen trash can, storage container, and cleaning supplies for gifts. It truly is a hard Christmas.

Zuni Pueblo, New Mexico: We will be fasting for the winter solstice as usual here in Zuni. No change for us, the whole village will be in seclusion and praying for 10 days. So no big change from the lockdowns. Stores and business are usually closed during that time.

Elgin, Oklahoma: My husband is in the hospital with Covid, pneumonia, and blood clots in his lungs. I am trying to keep the Christmas spirit alive for our kids. We cannot go to the hospital to see him, and that is driving me nuts.

I usually host a family Christmas cookie exchange party each year. It’s a time our relatives come together, despite our busy lives, to spend a day of fun, laughter, and love during Christmas, and it was canceled this year due to the pandemic. I cannot spend Christmas with my sisters or dad because of the pandemic. I just have to drop their gifts off at the porch. We cannot get together on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day to exchange gifts and partake in the Christmas holiday.

When I get on social media, I see so many people asking for prayers because someone they love has tested positive for Covid, or their loved one is in the hospital because of Covid, like my husband, or they lost a loved one due to Covid. I just pray for everyone.

Garden Grove, California: With California in another lockdown, we will be stuck in our homes for Christmas. We will only be able to call our relatives this year and wish them a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Unfortunately most gifts have to be mailed out and not hand delivered, so we can’t really see the excitement our gifts give to others. I’m hoping next Christmas will be way better for all of us.

Cherokee, living in Spain: I do not celebrate Christian ways but respect the ones who do. My kids, grands, and I had covid-19 by early March, without much trouble, so we hugged all year through. Sending much love and many prayers to each and all back home.

Duluth, Minnesota: No impact. We’re still making homemade gifts and will gather like we do every other day. We have a social contract.

In Manitoba, Canada, we are under a Red Zone, which means a lot of restrictions when it comes to gatherings. People from this province have traveled to Kenora, Ontario, and Yorkton/Regina, Saskatchewan, to shop for the holidays. Toys R Us is the go-to place, but some orders are not filled, and you’re given a rain check. Places such as Walmart stopped selling anything outside of essentials.

As for my home, my child is not traveling this year to spend the holidays with his dad’s side of the family. Flying is out of the question, and driving would be hazardous, not to mention each province has its own high numbers. We can’t even go home to our reserve due to limited access to the communities. Outside of our own home, we have declined dinner invitations due to social distancing and have made alternate plans to stay home and have a hot meal.

No matter what, I am with my child, and that is all that matters to me. I don’t really care for the commercialization of Christmas. I think it’s best to have money in case of an emergency. We had a major storm that took down power lines last year. Who knows what this year will bring?

All in all, I wish everyone a safe holiday. Prayers to those who lost loved ones or have loved ones whose lives have been impacted by Covid. My gift is spending the holidays with my li’l sidekick and creating our own memories. Be safe!

On the eastern coastal lands here in North Carolina, no friends are sharing the rides to the winery for the Christmas decorations and lights. Celebrations have been thrown out the window, and, as restaurant gatherings are gone, so is the laughter and good cheer with friends while sharing a memory of the past year. Hibernation is occurring as no doorways are opening. Shopping and wrapping gifts are gone, even the homemade ones—the pandemic has closed employment. Less making cookies and cakes–the oven surely won’t be used for just li’l ole me.

And it’s okay. Life is going to turn around. What Christmas will bring is to celebrate with more phone calls, including a face-to-face; chatting on social media; wishing all the best of the holidays; dreaming of a new world in 2021. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Gloucestershire in the UK: All Christmas and solstice plans involving travel are canceled as the virus is still spreading. The government was allowing travel for Christmas period, but we don’t trust what they say. If people travel, it will be out of control again.

New Hampshire: Typically I take baked goods and homemade Christmas presents to friends. I will often spend time with them catching up. I also send out 50 or so Christmas cards. None of that this year. I will see my children and granddaughter though, as we live in the same town and have been seeing each other since the beginning. I am sad I can’t spread my usual greetings this year when we all so need it.

Fort Hall, Idaho: We generally have a Christmas Eve gathering with family. Not this year.

Del Muerto, Arizona, on the Navajo Nation: The 76th year of family hosting a community Christmas has been canceled. Treats, toys, and winter jackets will not be provided, but it’s all for safety precaution.

South Dakota: I have not done Christmas or any holidays for over 24 years as part of my de-colonization. We are so brainwashed from childhood. The real tests are triggers like certain songs. It’s a hard journey to undertake. It’s another level of healing the traumas of Christianity and family beliefs, however, and I made it.

Louisville, Kentucky: Well, as Christmas comes around, I always look forward to going to my last living grandmother’s. Like 90 years old. Normally we would go to see her and the whole family—all the cousins and, yes, even aunties. Ayeee. Lol. We would all eat and open presents and chat. But this year presents are being sent in the mail. We may have a family computer time face to face. It isn’t the same as giving my grandmother a hug and her seeing all her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. It saddens my heart. She is at an age, and we never know when it’s time to be called home. So I know these times are important. The pandemic as made a saddened Christmas time.

Manitoba, Canada: First time ever not all congregating at Mom’s house. We are having our smaller dinners in our homes. However, this Santa will be delivering gifts Christmas Eve.

Living in Southern California has made celebrating or doing anything for the holidays nearly impossible. We are on total lockdown. Even going out to buy decorations has not happened for me. Many family members have been unemployed for five or six months, so we are all financially unable to help each other. And because of the lockdown, we can’t even get together in person to support each other. We are blessed, however, to all be healthy.

Cloquet, Minnesota: We are not having a family get together. First time ever in my life.

Edmonton, Alberta: No travel to family in the north and south. My 75-year-old mom is depressed. My grandbaby will not see his dad’s side, which affects bonding. Normally we have a big Christmas meal and share with others. Not this year, though.

Lac du Flambeau, Wisconsin: No visiting from friends and relatives on Christmas Eve, and the big Christmas dinner feast is just for immediate family. Once again, I can’t show off my baby grandson, who still hasn’t met some of his relatives.

Tualatin, Oregon: We are already isolated and have been practicing social distancing and wearing our masks because it is mandated, so we plan to have our Christmas as usual. Our children and grandkids will be with us to celebrate. We are a very small family and living here all these 30-plus years, it’s no different than before. It’s always been just us. We’ve grown from a family of five to ten. God has blessed us so. Aho Dawkee—thank you, God!

Holiday ornaments created by schoolchildren for the Capitol Christmas Tree Campaign to decorate a holiday tree at the museum on the National Mall. From left to right: Three ornaments made by unnamed Pikumi (Blackfeet Nation) students, 2008. Blackfeet Reservation, Montana. 26/7446, 26/7451 and 26/7454. An ornament representing a rattle made by Shelbey (family name not recorded, Yavapai), 2009. Prescott, Arizona. 26/7716. A snowman ornament made by Ayanna (family name not recorded, Tohono O’odham), 2009. Arizona. 26/7717 (National Museum of the American Indian, Smithsonian)

White Swan, Washington, sent on the winter solstice: “This is NDN New Year (the shortest day of year), but it’s close to Christmas so we still have gift exchanges. Santa shows up at our longhouse; he also has 2 with him, our version of Krampus. I’m not sure how far back this goes. Maybe it’s Bigfoot and is s’posed to scare the kids into being good. My dad used to dress that way and come in with Santa. I don’t know who does it now. Some of my family thought it was me, but I think it’s two of my cousins.”

Miami, Oklahoma: “Seneca–Cayuga social dances with horned rattles and supper at my sister’s house. Oh, can’t forget our coins for playing some Indian dice and playing Cards against Humanity! Lol. Lots of fun and laughter.”

Albuquerque, New Mexico: “Spending Christmas Eve in the village of Taos Pueblo, building and then watching the bonfires burn, and watching the procession of the Virgin Mary.”

Minneapolis, Minnesota: “Honoring our relatives with a memorial horse ride called the Dakota 38 + 2. On December 26, 1862, at Fort Snelling, Minnesota, in Dakota County, 38 Dakota men were hung all at once. It is recorded as the largest mass execution in U S. history. This is how most of us here in Mni Sota celebrate this time of the year.”

Southern Manitoba, Canada: “Last year we as a family spent the day together and went to a movie theater all day. On the 26th, we made a meal and set out a spirit dish for the Dakota 38 + 2.”

Nevada City, California: “I’m a Choctaw Jew, so I celebrate by having a gift-card drive, and going to temple and Christmas church! My grandfather is in a home, so I spend time with him and whoever else is close.”

Kents Store, Virginia: “We don’t do Christmas, but we have a solstice celebration and teach Abenaki farming at a local school. It’s part of their winter festival including other people and faiths into their curriculum.”

Phoenix, Arizona: “I will go to my reservation, Eastern Band if Cherokee in North Carolina, and exchange gifts with my family. My dad is 84 years of age, so I always make it a priority to go back there. Everyone will come to Daddy’s house to eat turkey and ham. And whatever else my sister cooks.”

Disautel, Washington: “Leading up to Christmas we take grandson out to chop down a tree. Let him help pick it out. Hunt for a deer. Then a family dinner at home. Kids come to visit to get their presents. Tree’s lit up. Decorations. Candy and snacks.”

Tesuque Pueblo, New Mexico: “Spending time at the Pueblo plaza house, watching the winter dances, being with all the family, sharing wonderfully prepared food by the women in the family. There is always laughter, kids running around, and friends dropping by. The usual! Lol.”

Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada: “We’ll spend Christmas with family, sharing a meal and putting out a feast plate for our loved ones who passed away.”

Montross, Virginia: “My family recognizes our elders community members and recalls those who, though gone, have impacted our lives in a good way.”

Edmondton, Alberta, Canada: “Now that I’m a grandma, I spend it with my grandbaby. Usually my daughter, mom, and nephew, too. If I can, we cook (a lot) and eat together. In the past, we have shared with police officers or corrections staff where I used to work. If there is a round dance close, I go there.”

Portland, Oregon: “Donate time at the local veterans shelter.”

Warm Springs, Oregon: “I usually stay home with my granddaughters. We spend the day with each other and enjoy a nice hot fire with delicious foods. We understand that this is not our holiday, but we have adapted it to suit us.”

Apache, Oklahoma: “Christmas Eve: Attending Petarsy Indian Mission in good ol’ Richards Spur, Oklahoma. We get greetings from the Indi’n Santa who brings all the good lil Indi’n boys & girls presents. We sing Comanche hymns, and everyone receives a brown bag of fruit, hard Christmas candies, and nuts. Then we go home to eat Uthivah (Mexican) food and play monopoly till some gets mad. In the morning the kids must sing a Christmas carol before they are allowed to open presents, and we only hope no one sings the Twelve Days of Christmas! The day will be followed by a Christmas dinner.”

Santa Fe, New Mexico: “Since we aren’t Christians, my mama called it Big Winter Give-Away Day. She always put up an NDN tree full of Native ornaments made by her friends—tiny beaded moccasins, little pottery angels, wee cradleboards, miniature painted rawhides, and a very special felt beaded turtle that her mother made. Our angel was always one of us girls‘ little Indian dollies.

“Now that Mom‘s footprints have joined the others in the Milky Way, I put her tree up. She taught us to be generous, ‛to give until it hurt.’ It is this lesson that I pass to my sons, not only for one day, but as a way of being in this world.”

Winter Haven, California: “With my little family. We don’t do gifts just have a feast and spend quality time.”

Hood River, Oregon: “We spend Christmas centered on our Creator, whose name is Jesus Christ, who brought our people to this great promised land. As an Elder, I gather and teach my children my life’s lessons and the reality of resurrection and life after this mortal life because of this Jesus Christ. I cry out of gratitude for his tender mercies. I smile because I see the light of this knowledge in my children’s eyes.”

“After we put the star on the tree, open our simple gifts for one another, eat and laugh with one another, we kneel and pray as my father and grandfather did, carrying on our tradition of gratitude, the tradition of knowing of a greater power. My children have learned that Christmas is not the only day for prayer and sincere repentance. We follow after our Creator, Jesus Christ, with all our imperfections, and because of him we can be forgiven. How holy is His name! We prepare to meet Him, for He will come again, soon.”

Hąwe Wakąndeyinge Tųnye Girorisge! (Merry Christmas!) This Native nativity scene took place at the Otoe–Missouria Tribal Complex near Red Rock, Oklahoma, as part of their Light up the Encampment Grounds event. The animal figures represent the seven clans of the Otoe-Missouria Tribe. Instead of a manger, a cradleboard holds the newborn Jesus. (Used with permission, courtesy of Johnnie Dee Childs)

Tama, Iowa: “As a special day of feasting, we first set aside prayer and food offerings in the sacred fire for relatives before our own indulgence. The respect is that you allow your remembrances—those who have passed—to eat first. Oftentimes with the greater ghost feasts you are also sending prayers for good health, long life—for yourself as well as for your family, plus any others. It is promised that your requests will be granted.”

Southern Maryland: “Our Elders Council (Choptico) have our winter gathering and feast close to or on the day of winter solstice. This year’s menu: Seafood and root veggies. We still have a traditional Christmas dinner for the extended family. Historically Maryland Natives were proselytized by Jesuits and many, if not most, tribal members remain Catholic today.”

Barona, California: “This year I’m doing tamales, meat pies, and empanadas! Someone else made tamales and I’m making the rest.”

Carnegie, Oklahoma: “I remember when we would camp at Red Church or White Church Christmas week. There would be snow on the ground. We slept in the tent with our Ah-Pea (grandmother), and people would get up and cook in the dining hall all three meals. All those paper sacks would be lined up in the church and filled with fruit and Christmas candy. Everyone got a treat sack and missionary gift. Church ran late; sometimes we’d sleep on the floor.

“I wouldn’t trade anything for those days. Singing and praying in Kiowa. Some beautiful memories. They have all gone on now. Thank you for letting me share.”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: “On Christmas eve my grandkids have a sleepover with their cousins and we have singing and dance contests (the best steps win a prize) with the kids to encourage them all to sing and dance. Food-eating contests, too (who can eat the most fry bread). We wind up having a little powwow in the house. It tires them all out, too. Breakfast is a big pot of sofkee (seasoned grits). I cook fry bread, three sisters [corn, beans, and squash], salmon, turkey, ham, corn-on-the-cob, cornbread, bread pudding, sweet potato pies, wild rice, string beans, other vegetables. All fresh, nothing from a can. My mother this year started a new tradition: She wants us to write down on a paper and bring it to Christmas dinner to speak on what we are all thankful for and how our year went. My mom also leads us in the traditional holiday songs everyone knows.”

Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin: Christmas was introduced to certain families back in the late 1920s, early 1930s by my grandfather (choka) George Lonetree and his cousin, Sister Kate Massey, who was a priest. They both were in boarding school in Toledo, Iowa, when they first knew about Christmas and the art of giving presents to people. So my choka decided to gather families who were curious about Christmas. These Christmas gatherings happen near Wisconsin Rapids, Wisconsin. We always have some Native food on the table. My mother always made sure of that. It could be Indian corn soup, fry bread, cranberries, duck, rabbit, and sometimes wintergreen tea. Right around Christmastime, the Eagle Clan of the Ho-Chunk Nation of Wisconsin will have their Winter Clan feast. The winter solstice, yeah, like the first day of winter.”

Parker, Arizona: “Sheep ribs cooked over the coals, tortillas, vegetable and mutton stew. Roasted Hatch chili salsa, yeast bread, coffee, and maybe empanadas.”

British Columbia, Canada: “We try to include Native-inspired dishes—salmon, berries, roots, deer meat. I only cook turkey for the kids. But if I cook a turducken (turkey, duck, and quail) it seems more inspiring lol.”

Ohkay Owingeh Pueblo, New Mexico: “At Ohkay Owingeh the Turtle Dance is the driving event. Everything else is second or worked around the dance.”

Crystal Falls, Michigan: “Gotta have some wild rice and venison is we what have. It is always good, and turkeys are native to here, though I’m not a wild turkey fan lol.”

Tappahannock, Virginia: “Dinner is mostly the regular holiday foods except we have to have potato salad and corn pudding. Our Christmas breakfast is oyster stew and watercress if we can gather enough.”

Chicago, Illinois: “Ten years ago we would cook up ham and turkey with all the side dishes. For years the American Indian Center had a Thanksgiving dinner and a Christmas party. We would decorate the tribal hall. I would hear people talking about how traditional they were and still celebrating these holidays and not caring about their cultural teaching. So I decided to change it. I just reworded it to a “giving thanks feast” and encouraged everyone to write what they were truly thankful for. We had a “winter feast.” No decorations, and we shared the teachings of how we celebrate the seasons and why each is important to us. I had many positive comments, and it seemed like they were listening and questioning the religious beliefs. It wasn’t about shopping and presents. Unfortunately they have not been doing any of these events since I left. Everyone wants their urban rez back.”

Ardmore, Oklahoma: “Our church plays have Christmas hymns in Choctaw language, and we always get that brown paper bag filled with fruit, ribbon candy, and orange slice candy. Our church is the Ardmore Indian Baptist Church, in the Chi-Ka-Sha Baptist Association.”

Maui, Hawai’i: “We cook pigs underground here on the Islands. It’s called imu. This year we are going to do it for the homeless. We pretty much go around and see if everyone is fed.”

Dennis W. Zotigh (Kiowa/San Juan Pueblo/Santee Dakota Indian) is a member of the Kiowa Gourd Clan and San Juan Pueblo Winter Clan and a descendant of Sitting Bear and No Retreat, both principal war chiefs of the Kiowas. Dennis works as a writer and cultural specialist at the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian in Washington, D.C.

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Pecking Order

Pecking order and Quail are in the news again today. There is always something new with these little guys. I have so much fun with them. They are very entertaining. However, quail, and all birds and fowl, have a dark side. The “pecking order” occurs in many species of animal. It’s done to establish the dominant animal then the next most dominant, and the next and the next, all the way down to the “low man on the totem pole”. However, the very words “pecking order” have to do with birds pecking each other to establish dominance. Not only the quail, but the cow pecking order is in the podcast today.

Before I get into all of that, I want to take a minute and say welcome to all the new listeners. Thank you for joining me. And a hearty welcome back to the veteran homestead-loving regulars. Thank you for stopping by the FarmCast for every episode. I appreciate you all so much. Let’s get to it.  

Our Virginia Homestead Life Updates

Garden

The garden is done. I still have some perennial herbs going strong out there, but everything else is done. We need to do lots of cleanup of old, dead plants. The ground cover we used to keep the weeds down will remain in place through the winter. Yes, weeds will survive through the winter and even grow if not kept in check.

After the cleanup, the next details on the garden will be talking about what we plan for next year.

Creamery

Scott has made so much progress with the creamery. All of the open cracks between the blocks have been filled. Additionally, he put a beautiful finish on the concrete blocks. As I mentioned in a previous podcast, it looks a bit like stucco now. That took a lot of extra time and effort. Scott is really good at working on these small touches to add beauty to the building. I say small touches. The idea is small, but the work to make it happen was large, really large.

Today Scott is out there making final measurements for roofing materials. He also has a list of odds and ends kinds of tasks to get the building in tip-top shape.

A week or so ago he moved all of the winter hay under the roof of the loafing area. That’s going to save some money on hay. He got it done just before the latest remnant of a hurricane came through and dropped another three or so inches of rain on us.

Animal Husbandry

Donkeys

The donkeys are getting ready for their hoof trimming appointment. I was talking with Scott about this just this morning. He let me know that in a previous podcast I had said that Johnny was getting better about standing still for his trimming – and he did not see that as a true statement. According to Scott, Johnny is just as stubborn today as he has been since the first day he arrived on the homestead. Then he told me a story about a neighbor and friend who as a couple of donkeys. His hoof trimming story made Scott’s dealings with Johnny look like a walk in the park. It seems there is always someone, somewhere who has a bigger problem. These stories can help with perspective on our challenges.

I’ll put in a little bit about pecking order for all of the animals. Daisy is definitely the matriarch ruler of the donkeys. I don’t know the order beyond that. They tend to hang out in pairs. Daisy and Cocoa are one pair. Johnny and Sweet Pea are the other pair. They are in separate pastures right now so they have no choice but to pair that way. However, when they are together, they still pair up that way. I think Sweet Pea rules in the Sweet Pea/Johnny pairing.

Sheep

There are still two flocks of sheep, but now configured differently. A small flock of five was originally all boys. Now the small flock of five is one boy, Lambert, and his four female companions. The other four boys are with the rest of last year’s lambs and a couple of other ewes that we decided not to breed this year. There are twelve members in that flock. All are doing well, no issues. The sheep have been the easiest of our animals for quite some time now. I don’t know if we have worked out most of the kinks or they are just easier to deal with in general.

Pecking order in the sheep is much harder to see and perhaps they are one of the few animals that do not have one. Sheep hang together as a group better than any of the other animals. They instinctively know that there is power in numbers. If a coyote can get one animal separate, that animal is a goner. So they really huddle together while grazing. The only time I see them jockeying for position is when we have them huddled together. They will butt heads and push each other a little bit there. Watching them move in the field, you can see who the leaders are, the ones that everyone else follows. Again, they tend to stick very close together. One will lead and the rest follow – like sheep. Haha.  

Goats

The goats are the next easiest animal to deal with on our homestead. We have the internal parasites under control. There is only one real issue with them and that is their hooves needing to be trimmed. They tend to become lame from time to time. I’ve said it before. We are going to gradually phase out our current herd of cashmere goats and replace them with a hardier meat breed. One that is known for low parasite loads and low hoof maintenance.

Kiko goats and Spanish goats are the breeds we are considering. Both of these breeds have closer ties to their original, wild state than some of the most popular breeds of goats which have been bred to bring out specific characteristics. Usually either meat or milk. Just like breeding any animal, as you make your genetic choices, some things improve and others get worse. Animals living in the wild are always going to be hardier. Without humans making genetic selections, wild species develop characteristics around one goal. The goal is to survive. In the case of goats, wild species do not have humans there to trim their hooves and treat internal parasites. They must evolve to be resilient, resourceful and efficient in their genetics.

Among the goat girls, I don’t see much pecking order. If pressed, they will huddle together like the sheep. However, if they feel threatened, one or more of them will break away from the herd in different directions. I think they rely on their speed and agility to get away from predators. Coyotes hunt in packs and work best when they separate one animal from the rest. But the goats are fast enough to get away, I think. Anyway, one or more will break away as I said. Then the rest of the herd scatters. Goats are significantly harder to herd than sheep if they get excited. If you keep them calm and gently move them a little at a time, they are not so hard to move.

So I think the goat girls have a much subtler pecking order. If we were working them closely like we do the cows, we might see it more. We don’t have goat boys anymore, but there was definitely a pecking order there. Appomattox was king and Roanoke was prince. Everybody else was down from there. Sometimes I miss the boys. They were all so regal with their long, curled horns.

Cows

The calves are completely weaned from milk. They are out there grazing on grass full time now. The preg checks on the girls are done and we have five of six that are pregnant. It is as we expected. Buttercup is not pregnant. We were pretty sure that was the case but it is nice to know for sure. Our newest heifer, Rosie, is pregnant. She was bred at a very young age so I got some really good advice from the vet about how to help her through the process. The central bit of advice is that she needs to grow.

Rosie will get extra feed all winter. She was getting just a taste to get her trained to put her head in the milking stanchion. However, the vet recommended she gets lots of extra feed with at least 14% protein, as much as she wants without getting fat. We don’t want her to get fat because that would complicate the birth as well, but she needs to grow. She needs to get bigger. The extra feed will help her with that. We give her the best feed available. It is non-soy, non-gmo organic dairy feed, 15% protein.

Scott and I had this long discussion on how to feed Rosie while not feeding the rest of the herd. We are a grass-fed operation for the most part. The big girls get a little supplement while they are producing milk. Other than that, it is grass year-round with supplemental hay in the winter. That’s it.

In order to get Rosie the extra feed she needs a separate pasture area is required. We need to keep her close to be able to get feed to her efficiently. Now who to put with her as a companion? The calves are too small. She has already shown she will bully them so we can’t put Rosie with the calves. The calves will get merged into the big girl herd as soon as those big girls stop producing milk. Moving the calves frees up that pasture area. It’s close. We can easily keep an eye on Rosie.

Should we put the two Jerseys together? Butter is high in the pecking order and Rosie is low man on the totem pole being the youngest and latest addition to the herd. Rosie will not bully Butter. Could Butter be the one to be a companion for Rosie? Naw. Butter would simply bowl her over and grab her feed.

After some little discussion, we decided that Buttercup is the perfect choice as companion for Rosie. Unlike Butter, who will bowl over anyone who gets between her and feed, Buttercup is the opposite and pretty ambivalent towards anything but grass. Oh, she will eat her supplements, but she is not eager. Rosie will get her feed and Buttercup will just keep grazing and may not even notice. Any of the other cows would immediately come up and start competing for that feed. Hopefully, it will work out as we have envisioned it. If not, we will come up with another plan.

One other note on pecking order amongst the cows. Once the calves get added to the main herd, Rosie will no longer be low man. At least until the calves are full grown. If Virginia and Luna get bigger than Rosie – and they will – Rosie may end up back at the bottom again. We shall see. Butter is smaller than Violet and also a fairly recent addition to the herd, but I’m pretty sure Violet is only one step higher than Rosie. Butter pushes Violet around at will. Claire will always be matriarch and Buttercup right behind her, or maybe Cloud. Those two are close in dominance. Violet, Butter and Rosie are down the line. I don’t know all of their criteria for order of dominance, but it is quite educational to watch it all happen.

Milking

We have three more days of milking and then we are done for this year. There is always a sigh of relief as the final day of milking is complete. The constant, every day, no breaks schedule of milking is not for the faint of heart. Some people do it year-round. Twice a day, every day, 365 days a year. That’s not for us. We love our cows. And we love our milk and dairy products. But we don’t love it so much that we give up our entire lives for it. Nope. We have a plan for making a living and milking seasonally.

Maybe some time in the far future we will sell our little dairy and someone else will come in and want to a milk a larger herd of cows, every day, 7 day-a-week, 365-days a year. They will have the setup to do that as well. We have created a creamery with lots of flexibility to scale up as needed. We could scale it up if the need arose. Right now, the business plan is seasonal milking. We have three more days of milking and then we are done for this year.

Skim Milk and Yogurt

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been freezing skim milk. Scott will drink it after we run out of fresh whole milk and I now have enough to see him through the winter. The final six gallons went into the freezer this morning. Whole milk does not freeze well. The cream separates and get lumpy. It doesn’t incorporate back into the milk very well. I’ve heard stories of people making it work, but I never have been able to do it. Even thawing it very slowly and shaking it up a lot. The cream is just changed by the freezing process and there is no going back.

I will still be making yogurt for a few more days. There are seven quarts in each batch stored in 14 pint containers with tight lids. The yogurt is an experiment to see how long it will last in the refrigerator. I’m making enough for three or four months. Will it be edible three of four months from now? I don’t know. We’ll keep you up-to-date on that as we progress through the winter. In the end, we will know exactly how long we can keep yogurt and that’s useful information.

Quail

Now on to the quail and their pecking order. I don’t know if there is another animal that is as vicious as birds when it comes to pecking order. Sure, they are cute and fun to watch. But turn your back and the next thing you know they are pecking so much they actually injure one another. We had just that scenario recently.

There is only one white bird among all of the other shades of brown birds. A little over a week ago, she got injured. Her head was bleeding just a bit. The next day I went out there and the other birds had severely injured her, literally scalping her. Once they had the taste of blood in their mouth, they just kept going and going. I quickly got her out of there and into private lodging. She is healing up but it is going to take a long time. Especially when there was quite a set-back. One of the birds was obviously in distress with mites. So we were cleaning out all of the cages, disinfecting them and treating the birds and cages for parasites.

We moved all of the birds out of the cages and into the various plastic boxes we use as brooders for young birds. I put the white one back in with her original group just to see how it would go. Not a good idea. After only a couple of hours, she was bloodied again. Naturally, she is back in her private domain once again.

The other bird that was showing signs of parasite infestation has been removed from her group as well. It was a few days before we got the permethrin we needed to treat the birds and cages, so I moved her away from the others. While cleaning the cages, we put her back in with her former cage companions. Same couple of hours and she had a small bit of blood on top of her beak. I decided immediately that she needed to be separated until that healed. The blood is just too tempting for these guys. Again, birds are vicious. And remember, even though you can buy chicken eggs in the grocery store that say “vegetarian fed”, birds are NOT vegetarians. They are very carnivorous, though they will eat veggies as well. You will recall the stories of the early bird getting the worm while you were growing up. That story meant to teach promptness to children. However, it also illustrates that birds like worms. They also like bugs. Birds are not vegetarian.

Anyway, I really love my quail. They are a joy to watch. But they are still animals. They exhibit animalistic tendencies. Make no mistake, they have a pecking order and only the strong survive. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep my one white hen. She may be too different from the others. She may be low man on the totem pole because of her color. I don’t know. I’ll still make the effort to get her healed and back with her group. But if it happens again, I’ll have to make a different choice for her. It would be cruel to continue to let her be pecked so badly. Sometimes the only choices are tough ones.  

Final Thoughts

That’s it for today’s Peaceful Heart Farmcast. As usual, there is a lot going on at the homestead. Always something new, something different. Life is filled with wonder and awe at nature and God’s creation. The hierarchy of the animal kingdom is alive and well. It has worked for thousands of years to bring us and our animal friends to this point in time. We fully expect the pecking order to ensure that life continues to the end of time. Sometimes it’s ugly. Just as our lives can be tough. But we all do the best we can with what we have. We cry and pray and hope to live to see another day.  

If you enjoyed this podcast, please hop over to Apple Podcasts or whatever podcasting service you use, SUBSCRIBE and give me a 5-star rating and review. If you like this content and want to help out the show, the absolute best way you can do that is to share it with any friends or family who might be interested in this type of content. Let them know about the Peaceful Heart Farmcast.

Thank you so much for stopping by the homestead and until next time, may God fill your life with grace and peace.

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Check out this episode!

[sasuhinasno1fan]

When a gumiho fell in love- Mystical Week Day 1

So I had wanted to do the last @onceuponapaladin event but the prompt, guard, was not working out for me and at that time I didn’t like doing only parts of the week, not realising that VLD Bi Week would be when I do that. Anyway, this ends kinda dark for me, who’s known for doing fluff but hoping I can make a lighthearted sequal later. Until then, enjoy Stories of the Past

If a gumiho does not eat human flesh for thousand days, they turn into human

That’s what he was told by Ulaz. And he wanted it, badly. Keith never thought that he’d ever be interested in being human. They were so easy to trick and so delicious to eat when he got them in his grasp. But it changed when he met him, Lance.

It was such a strange name but it fit for the foreign merchant. Part of his father’s circle, Lance came to the small but knowledgeable village of Arus to look up the different styles of art that were created here. He got separated from his group one day and somehow ended up in the forest near the edge of the village. Geyong’s domain. But not everyone was smart enough to stay away. Hunters had been trying their hardest to kill him, failing and usually becoming his dinner but they got smart and set out new contraptions he had never seen before. They were like teeth that clamped around his leg, keeping him still and unable to move even as he flitted between both human and fox form. That’s how Lance found him.

He growled at him, hoping to get him away but Lance just continued forward, speaking in such calm and low words. He didn’t recognise the language but it didn’t matter. He slowed his growling as Lance patted at his fur, calming him, before he went to where his leg was trapped in the trap. He let out a hiss but Lance shushed him, trying to calm him again. He let Lance open the trap until he could pull his leg out and then took off ignoring the rise of calls from the merchant.

Geyong’s ankle was swollen and no amount of dipping it in the river was helping.  He thought that being a gumiho would protect him from anything but seeing his ankle swell more and more, he was scared he might be wrong.

Then he came again, but with healing medicines. And when he spoke, it was in the tongue he understood, but it was choppy, like he didn’t fully understand how to speak it. But he tried. While in fox form, he let Lance – he introduced himself then, in a way to calm him down when the medicine stung – clean and bandage the wound, letting him relax before promising he’d find him again the next day. So it continued, Lance helping him heal, his ability to speak the tongue he understood slowly getting better. Geyong admitted the rubs behind his ear were becoming addicting.

Lance was interesting. He never met anyone with eyes as bright as his, blue as the river he lived near. His skin was so much darker than everyone in the village but it added to his beauty. He was different but Geyong liked him.

“Looks like your legs all better. Make sure to avoid those traps ok? I hope I don’t you see you strapped down at the village. That beautiful coat of yours shouldn’t be sold. Stay safe.”

He watched him walk away and in a split second, Geyong chased after him.

Lance reacted like anyone would when the same black fox he had been healing only moments ago turned into a human with 9 tails. He screamed loudly and cursed but in that tongue he didn’t understand.

“You’re not going to eat me are you?”

“Why would I eat the person who healed me?” he asked, tilting his head in confusion

“Aren’t you the monster the locals warned me about? The one that haunts the forest?”

“It’s my forest. They don’t get to complain about it when they try attacking me in my domain!”

Lance blinked at him. “Ok, calm down. Sorry. I thought you’d eat me or something.”

“You were…kind to me. You didn’t have to be. Like you said, my fur would make me valuable and everyone in the village wants me gone so…”

Lance looked upset. “You don’t deserve that. I mean spirits are a natural thing here and you only attack those who come into the forest right?”

“Mostly. I eat raw flesh.”

Lance blinked at him, looking slightly disgusted. “Ok…um. Anyway, you’re a regular spirit so they can’t be too annoyed. But I guess you can stay here to stay safe. Just don’t eat me.”

So that’s how it started, how he started visiting the human. It also how he gained a new name.

“Geyong is really hard to pronounce for me. Can I call you something else?”

“As long as it’s not stupid.”

“Well, in English I would say your name like Keith.”

“Keef?”

Lance laughed at Keith’s attempt, “We’ll work on it.”

It continued, Keith scaring Lance when he’d come back from eating another unfortunate villager, Lance introducing him to eating raw animal meat and Lance teaching him the different languages of English and Spanish, the language Lance would speak at random times. He became more loving on the head pats to the point that it didn’t matter what form he was in.

Keith never felt love. The spirits he interacted with he respected but never fell in love with. With Lance, it was different, like everything about their relationship. Lance had been reading him a story about an emperor and his lover when Keith asked what Lance thought love was.

“Love? It’s when you’re with a person and are perfectly content. That even in the worst things, you can trust that they’ll be by your side no matter what.”

“What if you fell in love with someone you weren’t supposed to?”

“Well, half the reason I came here is because my father found me with a man. It wasn’t serious but my father didn’t want me to ruin myself. But if I meet a man I fall in love with, I won’t stop myself. And I think there might be someone.” Lance said, scratching at Keith’s head near his ears.

“Really?” Keith asked, trying to focus on what Lance was saying but was melting at the attention he was getting.

“Yeah, he’s a really foxy guy.”

Keith almost missed what Lance was saying because he was so deep in bliss but he opened his eyes and looked up at Lance, who brushed Keith’s bangs from his eyes and gave him that same smile that always brought Keith under his spell. That’s when it became clear. He wanted to grow old with Lance.

“There is a way.” Ulaz said, the imugi floating around Keith in the realm of spirits. The serpent like dragon was surprised Keith was even asking this. As far as he knew, Keith didn’t want anything to do with humans. “But do you truly want it?”

“I’ve never cared about humans, let alone love but being with Lance changes everything. When hr told me he was in love with me, I didn’t pity him. I wanted to grow old with him and be with him forever. Since he can’t become a gumiho, I’ll become human for him.”

“And if it doesn’t last long? If he decides you becoming human after the deed is done is something he doesn’t want?”

That was something he had to think about. It would hurt like hell if Lance rejected him but Keith never felt anything like the way he felt for Lance.

“It’ll be worth it.”

“If a gumiho does not eat human flesh for thousand days, they turn into human. Every 111 days, you’ll lose a tail and your powers will start to diminish. Your strength, your ability to change your appearance, your magic, your ability to transfer and take energy. You’ll lose it all. I hope you’re ready for this.”

When he told Lance, he was asked if it was something Keith really wanted.

“Love is something I’ve never experienced or wanted but when it comes to you, it’s completely different. I want this. I know it’ll be hard but I will be able to do it.”

It was hard, so very hard. Not eating human flesh meant he ate more of the meat Lance would give him. He already heard the butcher in the village gossiping about how Lance seemed to have parties with the amount meat Lance had ordered.

Lance got sick when it was 50 days in. it wasn’t bad, Lance just laid on his futon listening to Keith complain about how he was starting to get sick of all the extra meat he had to eat.

“Eat vegetables.” Lance said, only for Keith to gag.

200 days in, Lance got sick again but it was worse. He was coughing and burning with a fever. Keith didn’t think twice about kissing him to give him some of his energy. It hurt after he did it but he’d rather be weak and in need of help than Lance sick.

As he lost his tails, he would fall sick and Lance would always take care of him, even as he seemed to get sick more often.

“Why are you getting sick so often?” Keith asked on one of his better days

“It’s probably all the changes going in and out of the forges. I’m fine.”

As he got closer and closer to becoming human, Lance kept getting sicker and sicker. Keith was getting worried. Lance was having fevered dreams and sure he was close to death but Keith wasn’t going to let him. But eventually his kisses only gave comfort, not energy.

The day he lost him, he was laying on him trying not to think about how weak the grip of Lance’s hand was going through his hair.

“Don’t leave please.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Lance said, but Keith could tell he was losing him. He didn’t understand how. Lance had been fine and then he would get sick for no reason. “Hey do you believe in the idea of reincarnation?”

“Huh?” what was Lance trying to say?

“When you come back to life in another form. I fell in love with a gumiho. That has to count for something. Maybe I’ll come back at some point in another form. Maybe you can still love me then.”

He hadn’t told Lance, but they were up to 998 days. He was sure he only had once chance and he didn’t want to take the chance if Lance was ok.

“I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

Lance hummed and that’s when Keith knew. He could hear Lance’s heartbeat slow and feel his hand trying to grip his hair one last time.

His scream of anguish was heard all throughout the village.

He almost stayed human, until he heard whispers of a plot.

“I heard that foreign merchant was housing that damned fox.”

“All the meat he ordered made the butcher suspicious. He snuck on the property and saw that tails of the fox.”

“I heard that the merchant had tamed the fox.”

“Apparently the butcher’s son put poison in the meat deliveries. That fox killed his wife so he took revenge.”

That night terrified screams echoed as the gumiho regained his tails in revenge of his lost lover.

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary

new analysis

by Christopher Smart

April 21, 2020

TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR TAXPAYERS TO SAVE FAT CATS

Waiting for financial relief? Don't hold you're breath. Although Congress did pass the “Coronavirus Aid, Relief and Economic Security Act” (CARES), the legislation that was trumpeted as helping working families and small business, millions of people are still waiting for their checks. And don't look now but buried in that same bill is a huge benefit for wealthy business owners — tax relief of about $1.6 million to each of some 43,000 millionaires, who are too rich to get coronavirus stimulus checks. That's more than $70 billion. “It’s a scandal for Republicans to loot American taxpayers in the midst of an economic and human tragedy,” said Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, Democrat of Rhoade Island. It gets better. Just hours after the Department of Labor announced another five million Americans lost their jobs last week, the fund to keep small businesses afloat had already run out of money because — you guessed it — the big boys got there first. The systems for giving money to individuals and small businesses have huge gaps, said Amanda Fischer of the Washington Center for Equitable Growth, in one of the biggest understatements of our time. “Yet it’s those same individual workers and small businesses that actually make our economy work,” she said. God bless America and keep voting Republican.

OPEN THE DAMN COUNTRY UP, YOU WHIMPS

Coronavirus is not that dangerous and damn it, let's open this economy up. We're tired of this lock-down stuff. And the economy is tanking. Listen to this: the regular old flu kills up to 60,000 a year. Car accidents kill about 40,000 people a year. And gun deaths are about 40,000, too. Shit happens. People die. But we got to get back to work, back to the beach, back to the bar, and back to the ballpark. And most important, Trump has to get reelected. Between March 19 and April 18 only 37,087 died of coronavirus in this country (perhaps more who didn't make it to the hospital). At that rate, it would only be 440,000 deaths this year. And just because over 600 employees at a South Dakota meat packing plant all got coronavirus in a matter of  a couple of weeks is no big deal. Sure, the virus spreads like wildfire but why should that stop Trump supporters and real Americans from going to church or the shooting range. Don't listen to Dr. Fauci, the expert epidemiologist who studies the spread of disease. Let's go with Dr. Phil, instead. He is a psychologist and can read cue cards quite well on TV. And Dr. Phil says, fuck it, get out there and live until you croak. Sure, you could bring the bug home to love ones and spread it to your friends, so their families can get it, too. But freedom means we can do whatever we want, no matter who it hurts.

COX AND HUNTSMAN PARROT TRUMP'S ECONOMIC BS

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's got the most beautiful economic genius of them all. Sorry Donald, it ain't you. Every one of the six Republicans running for governor of Utah support Trump. The leaders of the pack, Spencer Cox and Jon Huntsman, recently explained that although Trump's moral compass is off, he's marshaled the best economy since who knows when. Hold your water, boys, you've fallen prey to Trump's rhetoric (That's the polite word for bullshit). They should know the numbers don't back him up. Trump's pre-coronavirus economy is pretty much the same as the one he inherited. When Obama took office the economy was in the depths of the Great Recession. But from 2014-2016 real GDP grew by 2.5 percent. From 2017-2019, under Trump, it grew by 2.6 percent. But as Brad Barth points out in The Salt Lake Tribune, under Trump the economy grew while the deficit rose by 68 percent, thanks in part to the $1.5 trillion tax cuts. At the same time, Trump rolled back some 58 environmental regulations on clean air, clean water and toxic substances. But even with all that, business investment turned negative for the last three quarters of 2019. Are Cox and Huntsman really that gullible, or are they playing politics at a time when we are dying for integrity. Either way, we lose.

CABIN FEVER TAKES A TOLL

After four or five weeks stuck at home, we've all gotten pretty casual and a little crazy. We're wearing jammies all day and eating Pop Tarts with Bud Light. Some haven't combed their hair or used deodorant since March 18. Wilson and the band call it Corona Crazy. That's apparently why the police department in Taneytown, Md. put out a warning to residents: “Please remember to put pants on before leaving the house to check your mailbox. You know who you are.” Of course, Taneytown doesn't have the corner on Corona Crazy. A woman in Murray reported that her neighbors leave the drapes wide open and the stereo blasting as they reenact “Jesus Christ Super Star” in nothing but Speedos and pasties. And a guy from South Ogden sent an email with an attachment showing how he, his roommates and their girlfriends celebrated Burning Man in their backyard with the aid of some mood enhancers. It turned out to be a bummer when the fire department arrived with a pumper truck. Apparently, there is a city ordinance against that. Who knew? Here at Smart Bomb, our psych department isn't much help, either. They recommend long baths with lots of children's floatable toys. For more information on wasting time, call the Utah Legislature at 801-538-1035.

Post script — Well that does it for another week In The Time of Covid, where you may have realized that working until 65 isn't all that bad. What the future holds is anything but certain. This country survived and thrived after the double-whammy of the Great Depression and World War II. Not so after the the First World War that ended about the time the Spanish Flu was ravaging the country. The U.S. death toll from that pandemic was about 675,000, more than five times the number of Americans who died in the war. Returning soldiers and sailors didn't have much to look forward to as the economy slipped into the depression of 1920-'21. We learned some hard lessons and when World War II ended our returning military men and women got help with college and mortgages. The huge federal government investments we made between 1935 and 1945 yielded the largest middle class in this nation's history. The country had gone deep into the red during that period but it yielded a workforce and economy that paid back the debt and went on to put us on a road to prosperity like we'd never seen. This, of course, flies in the face of Republican conservatism that disdains government programs and investment. They loathed FDR. But since Ronald Reagan workers have steadily lost ground and the middle class is shrinking. There are now at least 26 million Americans out of work. Once the coronavirus is contained we will face a long economic recovery that will take years. Will we remember the painful lessons of the last century or carry on as we did after the 2008 financial meltdown, where middle- and low-income workers never fully recovered. How much pain will it take for Congress to rise to the occasion is anyone's guess. We know Trump can't.

OK, Wilson, what do you and the guys have in your bag of tricks to help get us through this nightmare:

If you hear the song I sing / You will understand You hold the key to love and fear / All in your trembling hand Just one key unlocks them both / It's there at your command Come on, people now / Smile on your brother Everybody get together / Try to love one another right now...

(Jesse Colin Young and The Young Bloods, Get Together)

Addendum: During this difficult time for newspapers please make a donation to our very important local alternative news source Salt Lake City Weekly at PressBackers.com, a nonprofit dedicated to help fund local journalism. Thank you.

[soshortstoryteller]

Auto-tag supposed to be an ask away but nah

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Yes! I’m aware of how lucky I am even if my dad is sometimes insufferable. Nothing compared to some of my friends’

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

My mom ^^

03: Do you regret anything?

I used to regret not taking up music when I was 7 and offered to, but now that I’ve finally started guitar this “to-do-thing” is checked and the regret faded away!

04: Are you insecure?

It depends, but normally i’m not except for when my latent anxiety wakes up :’D

05: What is your relationship status?

Lots of husbandos and waifus and in love with myself

06: How do you want to die?

Peacefully and old

07: What did you last eat?

A SOUP THAT HAD EGG, HAM AND CHEESE IS MY MOM A MASTERCHEF OKEY? OKEY.

  08: Played any sports?

Currently starting w/ skate and formerly karate and dancing

09: Do you bite your nails?

Sore finger instead :DD

10: When was your last physical fight?

When I was 12 in the middle of the high school’s corridor (the guy was bullying me okey? okey.) 

11: Do you like someone?

I like lots of people, starting with myself and finishing with you ewe

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Nah I always want to sleep

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

All of the rapists in the world 

14: Do you miss someone?

MY FRIENDS BECAUSE I CAN’T SEE THEM SO OFTEN NOW 

15: Have any pets?

Oh Alá 

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Lazy. Does that count?

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Of course, with myself if you know what i mean okno

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Only if they’re poisonous and their venom can kill me. Otherwise, THEY ARE CUTE, RON WEASLY!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

YES I WOULD GO TO PREHISTORY AND TO VISIT SO MANY MYSOGINISTS, RACISTS ETC TO SLAP THEM AND WHILE I’M AT IT I OBSERVE THE TIME I AM IN ^U^

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

You’re getting annoying man. Somewhere in the SIMS.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Papers yay :DDD

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Yep! 1. At most 2 (and if so they must be identical twins or else an adopted teenager)

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Nope. 0.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Anything related to Humanities really (though Philosophy is the most difficult to me but i love it anyway)

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

Nah, it’s more like nostalgia but not missing

26: What are you craving right now?

Worldwide peace, eradication of famine, capitalism and heteropatriarchy and, of course, Miraculous Ladybug E7 S2

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I’m not sure

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes. Magnus promised me I was the only one and then he goes and marries Cleo. what a dickhead.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

I. Have. Been. Single. My. Whole. Fucking. Life. You. Tirseome. Topic.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

Your stupid questions about love

31: Does somebody love you?

I think I can affirm so

32: What is your favourite color?

Specially turquoise but there’s no color I dislike

  33: Do you have trust issues?

Maybe I trust to quickly

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

Something related to a performance and Merlí (TV show)

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

It’s been a while since I last cried... Maybe my mom?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

No, I give them if I think the person deserves it

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

To me, forgive. I can forgive, but it takes time to forget

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

ACTUALLY YES.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

*facepalm*

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Nope but sometimes I think it’d be cool to give it a try

51: Favourite food?

Boof, I’d say meat + bechamel + coliflower but there are so many foods I like (Mexican, Japanese, Spanish, Italian, Arabic...)

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Yep

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Putting my bite plate on

54: Is cheating ever okay?

wtf give me a situation

55: Are you mean?

If I have to

56: How many people have you fist fought?

1

57: Do you believe in true love?

Yeah

58: Favourite weather?

CLOUDS. THUNDERS. COLD. IF THERE’S SUN IT HAS TO BE A WARM DAY OR IN THE AFTERNOON, IF NOT I KILL THE SUN

59: Do you like the snow?

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

60: Do you wanna get married?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

62: What makes you happy?

LOTS OF THINGS. HINT: NOT YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT LOVE

63: Would you change your name?

No but yes. I like my name but I’d like to be called Dánae

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Taking into account it was my mom and I hung on her just to kiss her for like 5′ let’s say no

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Sex doesn’t exist, but if a friends falls for me I’d try to continue being her friend and not to mkae them feel bad

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

Duh

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

*screams like Thomas Sanders* My dad. Happy now??

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Does my anthropology teacher in class count? His classes are so fucking deep and I love them

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

Yeah but I also believe in multiple soulmates 

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

I’m not sure

[cuckoomagazine]

Interview with blogger Amy McColgan (a.k.a. Green Leafy Gael)

Tell us a little about yourself.

I was born and bred in Donegal and went to an all-Irish primary school. I went on to study Irish and Spanish in college and then did a Masters in translation after that. Before I went to college I also did a diploma course in TV Production through Irish in the Donegal Gaeltacht. I’m now living in Spain working as a freelance translator but hoping to move to Barcelona soon and get something a bit more secure!

When did you become a vegan and what made you decide to change your lifestyle?

I lived in Spain in 2012/2013 during my Erasmus year. It was my first time owning a smart phone and I took a liking to Instagram. I followed a lot of health and fitness accounts and took a big interest in health and wellness. One week in February 2013 I watched around 6 documentaries about food production, animal welfare and the links between a Western diet and all the most common Western causes of death (heart disease, cancer, diabetes, stroke). The Monday after that was the last day I ever ate meat. Over the course of that year I educated myself on how the meat and dairy industry have essentially paid their way into the food pyramids. There are so many deceiving scientific studies done and articles written to promote this kind of food and it’s tragic because that is the very food that’s killing us. When people from Asian and African countries move to Western countries and adopt the Western diet, they also adopt Western diseases that they wouldn’t have gotten if they continued with their traditional mainly plant-based diets. Learning bits of information like this just astounded me and yet it made so much sense. Never in my life have I understood something so well – the only thing holding me back from going fully vegan was our culture and society. Saying no to family members’ food and learning how to go without dessert in a restaurant is hard work and it takes time to get brave enough to do that! Eventually, within a year I was fully vegan – although at home and when cooking for myself I was always vegan. 

Throughout that year, I allowed myself to learn of the horrors of the animal agriculture industry. Not just the sick conditions of factory farms but standard, legal practices that are done on the most highly praised farms, such as pulling piglets teeth out and castrating them without anaesthesia, dehorning calves without anaesthetic, separating calves from their mothers so soon after birth so they don’t drink the milk meant for us humans, keeping sows in crates so small they can’t even stand up; I could go on. Standard farming and slaughterhouse practices are seen as “necessary and humane” but only because they’re part of the farming business. There’s nothing ethical about it. If someone shot a bolt gun through a dog’s head and then slit his throat and skinned him before he even properly died – the country would be up in arms about animal cruelty because it’s not normal for us to eat dogs. It’s “normal” for us to eat cows so we don’t bat an eyelid when it’s done to them. Knowing all this made going vegan an absolute necessity. I could never ever live with myself if I knew I was contributing to modern day slavery and torture of the most innocent and docile creatures on earth.

Who would you consider to be your biggest influence?

I really admire Dr. Michael Greger who runs the website nutritionfacts.org and wrote the book “How Not To Die”. His selfless contribution to the health of the world and sharing true and factual scientific studies has made it so easy for everyone to learn about food and how it impacts out health. He makes complicated scientific studies make sense to the layperson through his short and snappy videos on the NutritionFacts.org YouTube channel. He does all this for free and even the proceeds from his best-selling book went to back into the nutritionfacts.org non-profit.

 How do you source content for your blog?Do you stumble upon recipes or create your own? 

I don’t source content no. I just write about different vegan products that I might have tried or different tips or tricks that I think might help people on a vegan journey. At the start my recipes were inspired by my local Ballyholey Farm in Donegal. They grow a vast array of vegetables completely organically and every week they’d throw me some random veg and say “do something with that” – so a lot of my recipes are purely experimental! They always turn out surprisingly tasty though!

 What would you consider to be the main purpose of your blog & YouTube videos?

To inspire people to go vegan or to assist people through their vegan journey. I want to educate people on the true effects of the food we’ve grown up eating. It’s not something you can learn about in the mainstream media (although slowly but surely that’s changing). I like the idea of leading by example so I just try to share my life experiences and show people what I’m doing and why I’m doing it – that way is the least “preachy” I find. People are always interested in other people, so, if I can get people interested in my way of life, they might end up saving their own life. Also, I feel it’s my duty to the animals. I can’t sit back and do nothing about their suffering. If I can get someone to buy a cruelty-free and vegan foundation the next time they are buying make up instead of an animal-tested one – I’m happy. If I can get someone to choose a soy milk latté instead of cow milk the next time they order a coffee – I’m happy. If someone tells me they’ve decided to cut out meat altogether – I nearly cry with delirious excitement.

Do you find it easy to maintain your blog while living your daily life?

Not when I’m working a full-time job -  it’s very hard to find the time to work, eat, sleep, blog and vlog. Often times, social interaction with friends suffers! But now since I’ve lived in Spain I’ve been working at home on a freelance basis. So, when the work is quiet that means I get more time to focus on editing videos and writing blog pots. However, it also leaves me stuck financially which in turn leaves me with no nice ingredients to make nice recipes! I’d absolutely love to be able to focus on my blog and my channel full-time. As well as being beneficial to people’s lives, it’s also really fun to do and I get to use skills I’ve always loved using as a child such as taking pictures, editing pictures, making videos and acting the eejit in front of a camera!

 Is there a particular vegan dish that stands out as being the best you have tried?

No – because there are too many. Think of all the vegetables in the world (not just peppers onions and carrots), and all of the fruits in the world, and all of the grains, beans, legumes, spices, and herbs. Now think of a combination of each and every one – we’re talking millions upon millions of options! I’ve made some delicious meals in my life but as soon as I’ve made them I move on and try something else. In restaurants (that serve vegan food) I always try and get something different. I absolutely love weird combinations of food. I used to put random things in sandwiches and my mum said I get that from my late Granda. My mum is the complete opposite to me though and makes the same dinners every week – all are fantastic. But I have to say her lentil shepherd’s pie is a winning family dinner. It really is delicious and nutritious. (recipe on the blog if anyone’s wondering!) The meal I had in Sova Vegan Butchers in Dublin was one of the best vegan meals I’ve ever had. They’re so innovative and creative and it’s such a good experience eating there. I had the “scallops” and a “schnitzel” – 100% vegan, 1000% tasty. Recently I was in London and that whole day of eating was probably the best day of eating I’ve ever had – from breakfast to brunch to lunch to dinner. The Ethiopian food I got at Spitalfield’s Market was phenomenal. I have a vlog on my channel from that day again, if anyone’s interested!

 Tell us a little about the fashion side of your blog. You mention you like to buy clothes that are not brand new and ethically produced. Can you explain that a bit more? 

Well I’ve always heard about sweat shops and child labor, all my life. I don’t think that side of fashion has ever been unknown to anyone, but we definitely do just turn a blind eye to it. I did most of my life, but then when I went vegan, I kept thinking to myself that I shouldn’t be ignoring the plight of these poor sweatshop workers. I didn’t know too much about it though, but it was on my mind. I shopped less in fast fashion places because of it, but, only in the last 2 years have I completely quit fast fashion. I decided to become a minimalist 2 years ago and with that I learned a lot about the environmental impacts of clothes production, the vast amount of waste and pollution it produces, and the working conditions of the garment workers. 

The factory collapse in Bangladesh that made headlines should have caused a worldwide shift to ethical fashion but profits of the big companies actually went UP that year! Shocking. I would recommend anyone interested to watch the documentary “The True Cost” – it’s extremely interesting. Since I quit fast fashion I’ve obviously still had to buy clothes. My budget hasn’t exactly allowed for me to buy better quality and sustainably-made clothes because they tend to be more expensive, so, I tend to focus on second hand clothes. This is even better though because it reduces waste and doesn’t use any resources. I love using Depop and Ebay, and I absolutely love vintage shops like Nine Crows in Dublin. Etsy is a great place to get handmade and vintage items as well. My proudest purchases, though, have to be the ones I’ve found in local charity shops. It literally is a case of “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.

For people out there who are looking to start their own blog, what advice would you give them?

Being Irish I think we have a tendency to get embarrassed about promoting ourselves or speaking up online. There’s something about our culture that makes it slightly weird for us to see someone doing their own thing and being different in public/online. I’ll admit, even I find it strange sometimes if I see someone I know doing something a bit “different” online. It’s in our nature and I’ve no idea why. That said though – this is changing fast! One good thing about globalisation is that some of our very Irish ways are dissipating and more people are deciding to do what they want and put themselves out there. So, I would say to anyone who feels like they want to speak out through a blog or share anything through a blog, try not to be embarrassed or scared about what the ones down the road will think of you! If you have a good message to share people will benefit from it. I was terrified about putting myself out there – especially on YouTube – but I felt the message was too important not to share. Some people definitely thought I was mad, but I’ve had more people tell me that they’ve changed because of my blog/channel, or thank me for sharing what I’ve shared. So, you could be shocked at the impact you could have!

What is your proudest moment to date?

The Irish language is a big passion of mine and I love to promote it, so, when I was invited to be on Róisín on TG4 I felt like that was a big moment for me. Speaking Irish, working with the media, and promoting veganism all in one day – it definitely was one of the highlights! I also loved being in my local paper, The Donegal News, last year, as I grew up reading this paper every Thursday night when my Dad would bring it home. Plus, the title of the piece was “Champion of health” – that was cool! But, one of the best things that has happened since I started trying to spread this message was my family, one by one, ditching meat. My mum is vegetarian, my dad is vegetarian (sometimes pescatarian) and my younger brother is also vegetarian. Having that burden of worry off my shoulders is a great thing – now I only need to worry about my youngest brother whose diet gives me anxiety!

 Have you any particular goals for the future?

Get my youngest brother to go vegan! It’d do wonders for all his football injuries…No but really, I’d love to be able to work full-time on helping people go vegan. I’d love to take people shopping to Dunnes or Tesco and teach them all about what they can eat and what recipes they can make for their families. I find blogging and making YouTube videos really enjoyable so it’d be great to somehow be able to do it full-time. I’d love for veganism to grow massively in Ireland over the next 5 years and I’d really love to have some part in it.

To find out more about Amy’s blogs, recipes and vlogs, follow her below on the following links:

www.greenleafygael.com

@greenleafygael

YouTube

Facebook

[primary-colors-squad]

The Fam™

So, this is our first original post on this blog. It’s an introduction to relationships between the Voltron squad and our OC’s Celeste and Willow Sobek. This ties directly into our Crossover Fanfiction we’ll hopefully be writing out soon when we get our shit together.

And without further ado, my kids.

Celeste:

Allura

Original Space Mom and Space Mom v.2

Spaceship baddies

Are pretty af but will kill you

Celeste is fond of her, as she is with everyone on the ship, but isn’t for the Princess shit

Years of Jaeger piloting has taught her that maybe a warrior is more her style

But, if she’s in the mood to be pampered (or if Willow wishes for a ‘girls night’) she will go to Allura first to get that girly love

After that is Lance but that’s more of a party than gossip and hair braiding, sh don’t tell Allura

Coran

???

Celeste thinks he’s hilarious

Designated Space Uncle

She enjoys all his stories because they remind her fondly of how her father used to tell boot camp and Jaeger glory days tales

That and he so exuberant it’s hard to ignore him

She finds him interesting in the ‘hey you’re an alien, but you’re so human it hits home??’ sort of way

Lowkey reminds her of Willow because of his high intelligence, loyalty, and seriousness when necessary that collides with his overall fantastic attitude and the way he can blurt out the weirdest shit ever in a matter of seconds

Hunk

BESTIES

Food besties

Bond over their love of food and fierce loyalty

ALSO LET’S NOT FORGET ENGINEERING BUBBIES AAAA

Both of them may seem a bit on the dimmer side due to their physical appearances, but these two can pull apart and reassemble a ship (or a Jaeger) in a matter of seconds while telling you exactly what was wrong, what part and tool they need/are using, and what they’re doing to fix it

Literally friend goals

They will spend hours figuring out how to cook from the alien stuff Coran provides them with and will experiment to the point everyone kind of steers clear of the kitchen when they’re going past because they have no idea what the hell they are doing in there

Snack breaks are essential

Cuddles are 11/10 always 100% expected and needed during snack breaks or hanging out

Can sit in silence for hours and not be bored of each other

Personal pillows for each other or portable furnaces, usually both

Often found asleep on each other

If you can’t find one, they’re probably with the other somewhere

They share nearly everything, every insecurity, every problem, every nightmare, everything

Hunk is one of the few people to ever see Celeste cry

Keith

Oh god where to begin

First, Keith is the only person she has ever let dominate her. 

One time, she made him extremely jealous and he literally fucked her into the mattress. After that, she was much more open to the idea of being sub. 

Keith is the only person who’s ever asked her why she has such sad eyes. 

He had thought that Celeste was truthfully unbothered by her situation. Like Allura, Celeste never let her emotions show through. She chose to internalize it and act like it wasn’t there. She laughed and cracked jokes, but sometimes when Keith would look at her, he could see the pain in her eyes, and he realized that Celeste may have been a goddess, but she was also painfully human. He never let her get away with “I’m fine’s” or “I’m just tired’s” because he knew better. Though she never cried in front of him, she did open up about her family and her nightmares. 

She even eventually told him about the man she loved, despite their sexual/romantic relationship. He had been hurt, but tried really hard to get past it because he simply had too strong of feelings for her. 

If it got her in his bed, he did it. After all, she was still extremely dominant, so she exercised this “control” everywhere but in the bedroom. 

Keith is extremely possessive, but know’s how not to be a shithead. He’s long since accepted that Celeste will do as she pleases and nobody (but Willow) can tell her otherwise. 

When Keith first laid eyes on Celeste, his only thought was “Goddamn” and nothing else. It must have been the sight of her crawling out of a smoking Jaeger in a skintight suit of armor (that he later learned was called a Drivesuit.) 

Get’s frustrated by her lack of shyness (he loves seeing girls blush), but discovers that the one way to get her to blush is have her ride his face. Though she loves being on top, she feels that she’s too heavy and that she’ll crush him. 

He convinced her that she was not too heavy, but she still hesitates when he asks. 

Both are extremely witty and sarcastic. When they to are together, nobody is spared. Lance usually takes the brunt of the roasts, but occasionally they go after Shiro because annoyed Shiro is best Shiro. 

Celeste weighs more than Keith and has more muscle, but he’s faster. Both are brutal fighters, and both are equally terrifying. Once, when fighting Galra soldiers, one actually ran from them in fear after watching them absolutely eviscerate one of his comrades. 

Both love they swords and literally will gut you in one swipe if fucked with. 

Both are sinners but when they sleep, they cling to each other as if they were going to be torn apart. Morning showers are routine because they wake up drenched in each others sweat. It’s gross af but they can’t help it. They’re both hot-blooded. 

IMPULSIVE FUCKING DICKHEADS CAN I GET AN AMEN 

Celeste calls him Billy Ray Cyrus because of the mullet. He hates it and in return calls her fishface.

Lance

Both flirt to annoy one another but are basically siblings.

Lance broke down once, relating to her on missing their family. He feels as though he’s not important to the team. So, her being other space mom, she sings to him and plays with his hair and realizes that he’s still just a baby and gains a newfound respect for how strong he and all of the Paladin’s are. 

P.s. she sang You are My Sunshine because honestly, Lance is a little baby sunshine and a blessing. 

Celeste dubbed him the “annoying gremlin” of the team and nearly died having to explain what a gremlin was to the two very confused Alteans. 

Can be found playfighting, but Celeste denies it because she’s “too old for that shit”. Lance is always offended when she says this, but alas, the fighting still goes on. 

They are the hispanic children of the team.

When Celeste and Willow first arrived, Lance had come down to find them at the table casually eating breakfast. When he asked who they were and where they came from, Willow explained their situation, but Celeste, attempting to be a little shit, said “Somos el puto pez que cayó del cielo, estúpido muchacho de culo”, which translates to “We are the the fucking fish who fell from the sky, stupid ass boy.” Lance, being Cuban, understood what she had said and called her out on it, much to her surprise. Since then, the two would communicate in mostly spanish. 

During their play fights, Spanish curses could be heard from throughout the castle, frequently “Idiota” from Lance and “pinche pendejo” from Celeste. 

At first, Celeste couldn’t stand the kid because he wouldn’t stop hitting on her, but after he got used to her, (and she played him for Keith’s attention), he opened up and started to act like regular!lLance around her. She gave in, finally laughing at his stupid jokes and antics, hence the sibling attitude and play fighting.

Pidge

Celeste will only call Pidge “Pudge” because it annoys her. 

Celeste pulled Lance aside one day and carefully instructed him that if and when her and Willow made it back home, Lance would have to continue to call her Pudge. There wasn’t a specific reasoning, but she never wanted the small child to forget her. 

In retaliation, Pidge calls Celeste “Cilantro”. Lance had jumped on the bandwagon and tried to call her Carnitas, but Celeste threatened him with death if he ever called her that again. When Pidge had asked why she got so mad, Celeste had to explain that Carnitas translates to “little meats” and was basically pork cooked in lard or oil. 

Pidge lowkey hated Celeste because she thought that she was just a dumb brute (harsh), but when the girls had brought them to see the inside of ‘Cuda and Celeste began to explain the mechanics behind her, and the AI etc, she realized that Celeste was much smarter than she looked. 

Celeste walked in on Pidge mid breakdown about her father and brother, and despite her lashing out and begging for her to leave, Celeste simply wouldn’t. When Pidge (reluctantly) let her sit beside her, Celeste coaxed her to tell what was wrong. She shared her story, telling Pidge how she had lost her mother and father. She didn’t know if it was her story or the soft way that she spoke to the young girl, but she found herself cradling the her as she cried. They both vowed to not tell anyone, but since then, Pidge has looked up to Celeste as a big sister. 

When the girls returned home, Pidge was crushed because Willow and Celeste had filled the void in her heart that had formed when she lost Matt. It was almost like she had had him back.

Shiro

Actual Space Parents ™

Celeste is more of a mother figure than Allura could ever be, no shade just truth. She’s better with people and much less condescending. Even if she’s hurt, she will always listen to the other side of the story. When Keith was found to have Galra blood, she still loved and treated him the same because he had protected her and everyone else on the team with such fervor and fierce loyalty. There was no question that he was on their side, at least not to Celeste. 

Both consult each other before Allura (usually) when making decisions. Celeste may not be a total nerd but her leadership skills are A1 and Shiro always goes to her for a second opinion. 

These two are extremely close, not in a sibling way or a best friend way, or a romantic way (she ain’t willow tho he daddy ™ ), they just are. It’s difficult to explain, but they both are headstrong, natural born leaders. They’re prepared to do what it takes to protect their team. Self sacrifice isn’t even a question if it would save the lives of one another or the team. 

Both are secretly silly as hell but hide it well unless they’re with someone who they trust. One time, they had an argument over what he should name his Galra arm. 

“Name it Herbert.” “What?” “No, name it…. Pepe.” “What the hell is ‘Pepe’?” “Oh God.” 

Lance and Willow lost their shit and never let Shiro live it down, despite his claims that he had “bigger things to worry about than memes.” He also grumpily claimed that it was because he was imprisoned by the Galra for a year and got increasingly irritated when neither of the three would take him seriously.

Willow:

Allura

Honestly?? Willow is intimidated by her

Willow doesn’t understand how someone can be so strong even after losing everything

She really respects it

She’s jealous of the fact that Allura can so effortlessly hide what weakness she may have

She enjoys Allura’s presence, it’s soft, but sometimes Allura’s need for command and attention irks her

It don’t make sense because Willow has no problem with Celeste’s or Shiro’s authority ??

One time she started gabbing in Gaelic (a bad habit she’d had since childhood) Allura - without missing a beat - started rambling back in ancient Altean and Willow thinks that was the closest she’s ever been to Allura

Coran

Again SPACE UNCLE

He reminds her of her Grandma and her father, with all the boot camp stories and such, much like Celeste

Willow likes to remind him that she comes from a family of ‘warriors’ and that her Grandmother could so easily kick his ass just because he always talks about meeting her Grandma

Hugs

Coran is one of the few fellow touchy-feely persons in the Castle, so more often than not, if they achieve something together, they hug and cheer

Coran is incredibly interested in Gaelic and is trying to get Willow to teach him some

He just doesn’t recognize he’s terrible at learning other languages

Hunk

Like with her sister, Willow and Hunk are cuddle buddies

Willow will often share little things from she and Celeste’s childhood (especially dishes that their mother made) and will find out Hunk tried to make it

Her basic reaction is !!!!

She may or may not kiss his cheek and hug him because he’s such a fucking cutie

She’s almost cried twice because of how kind Hunk is

The other hugger on the ship so they’re constantly hugging and being affectionate

The Squishies

Keith

They don’t really talk, both aren’t able to read the other well besides what’s on the surface and know that a whole untreated ocean is underneath.

They leave well enough alone

They respect each other, high five after missions, all that friendly shit

Lowkey awkward cuties

Mostly connected by Celeste, so they know they have at least one thing in common

Willow is still loyal and protective to him, as is he

Training buddies

Keith hates when she beats his ass but it’s making him better so he can’t complain that much

His complaining increases if Lance is present during their training sessions

Just like Lance, he both hates and loves her

Dabbing, for example, since Lance refused to let Willow explain it to him

Which is a thing he loves, if he doesn’t understand something, then Willow is sure to explain it to him with as little judgement as possible

But also conspiracy theories, oh my god it is the way to this boys heart so of course he’s gonna like it when Willow makes a bad bigfoot joke

Lance

M E M E T E A M

Literally their entire relationship is essentially finger guns, sunglasses, and depression memes

Before I get into the funny shit; they share insecurities and often run to each other when they need reassurance because they are terrified of telling anyone else about their internalized problems

Literally have seen each other cry so many times

Love and protect each other almost like siblings

They’ve almost entirely wired themselves to calm down in the presence of the other tbh

Weepy cuddles and depression naps 

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled meme program - 

First off, Lance is probably partially deaf; the one time Lance wasn’t fully paying attention to what Willow was saying, he misinterpreted ‘Shiro’ as something along the lines of ‘Shirp’

His reaction basically being “Willow, wouldn’t it make sense to say ‘shrimp’ like everyone else? I mean what is wrong with you Irish??”

He didn’t understand why Willow started laughing so hard until she could finally breath again and explained to him what was going on

After the initial embarrassment of his stupidity was gone, Willow made him promise one thing….

Shiro is forever and always going to be named Shrimp now

Don’t tell Shiro

Dabbing

They started doing it ironically but now they can’t stop

It really bothers Keith so Lance just,,, eggs Willow on to the point both of them look ridiculous

Don’t get me started on the Yeet thing …. These two

Lance did it first, Willow swears on her life

Lance showed her it because ‘she wasn’t meme cultured’ properly and it just kind of,,, spiraled

They were being funny one day, exchanging puns and inside jokes, when Willow - being the meme loving shit that she is - proceeded to try and make Lance laugh by throwing her (plastic, it was important it wasn’t metal or glass or Coran and Hunk would be on her ass about it) cup after she had drank all of the liquid inside and yelled “THIS BINCH EMPTY! Y E E T!”

She did manage to get a barking, almost crying laugh from Lance, until they both realized that she had thrown the cup right in Shiro’s face and hit him square in the nose

If it would’ve been later in she and Shiro’s relationship, Willow would laughed and said something along the lines of ‘get wrecked’ but this was still when she was mildly intimidated by him and thought of him as only her commanding officer

It took a three second silence before both she and Lance were out the fucking door in a full r u n

“Shiro, ground her, she was the one to throw it.” “Lance.”

Pidge

SCIENCE TWINS

Lit just bond over their love of technology and general fuckery

Willow bonds with her because, honestly, Pidge is the closest she will ever get to a little sister, she has always been the little sister, but with Pidge, she has someone to pass her womanly knowledge of the world onto

Pidge is the same way, she loves that Celeste and Willow have taken her under their collective and metaphorical wings

Pidge enjoys the fact that Willow loves the quiet of the working mind as much as she does

Most of the time (if Willow isn’t working on Cuda as well) Willow will sit with Pidge in the lab and knitt as Pidge does her smarty thing

Willow loves carrying her around

Pidge would be salty about it with anyone else but Willow is so soft and smells close to home and asks first, so she lets Willow give her piggyback rides and carry her around on her shoulders so Pidge can reach all those high places without dangerous climbs

Willow is highkey president of the ‘protect the smol green bean’ club

Don’t matter if Pidge is a little badass, Willow will still smoother her

Pidge secretly loves it

Shiro

I don’t even know where to start

Literally that awkward, positively pure couple that everyone knows will happen eventually 

It’s vv hard to hide the fact that there’s something there from the squad

Especially Lance and Celeste with these two

Keith is oblivious, but as soon as Celeste figured it out, he happened to know to

The info spreads like wildfire tbh

Pidge pokes fun at Willow about it aLL the damn time and Hunk makes it his mission to get them alone as much as possible 

Celeste is really good at talking to and reading her sister, so it’s not hard to get Willow to finally admit it under great duress

Lance finds it wonderful to drop little comments and ideas on Shiro he thinks it’s fun to watch Shiro’s ears go red

But every pure couple has to have angst

Cough cough Chuck Hansen

Of course a girl like that would have someone at home waiting for her

But… It was really easy for Shiro to figure out that she could be so much happier, in a much healthier situation that isn’t sending her into fits of guilt and panic because of what Chuck says to her

And it’s not easy to convince Willow she deserves better

When Chuck told Willow she couldn’t be close to the Paladins, she listened, avoiding everyone unless necessary

Lasted like a day before she was back to talking to Shiro and cuddling up to Lance once again for comfort

She just stopped telling Chuck excitedly about her new friends, which everyone would see was hurting her more than ever

Shiro and Celeste were really the ones to set Willow into the motions of letting go

To make a long story really short, Shiro has a firm resentment of Chuck even though he’s never met him face to face and that Willow likes tea when she’s upset like him and was more than happy to share a cup of her favorite tea with him, no matter if she only had a limited supply or not

Surprisingly, vulnerability is their bread and butter

Vulnerability allows for the falling of walls, and with every vulnerable moment shared, the more walls are crashed down on both sides

For a quick and easy example besides from the one above; Sendak

Willow is a natural nurturer (both an advantage and a fault) so she was at Shiro’s side and understood every boundary, every panicked look, every need for silence

Shiro’s panic with Sendak was their door opener, the first sledgehammer against walls of emotional hurt that they decided to wade through together

These two, like, never sleep (literally my nightmare kids) so they’re often spending those sleepless nights in each other company

Lots of tea and books and blankets are shared between them if they end up in the longue

Willow found a room made entirely out of glass (Allura scolds them if she finds them in the control room late at night looking at the stars instead of sleeping guys wtf) and sometimes she’s already there when Shiro wakes up from nightmares

They just kind of lay down next to each other, sometimes they don’t talk at all, other times they don’t shut up

It’s their bonding time

Totally haven’t been found asleep in the lounge in blanket forts cuddled up to each other

And definitely haven’t held hands when they’re in their ‘star room’

And of course they haven’t kissed at all at four in the morning when both of them are half dead but struggling to keep awake for the other

Just omg

[koyoe]

Your turn. Answer ALL, please :)

Alright so this was an ask that I was supposed to do awhile ago but I was busy so I didn't have time to do it. I actually had to write all these questions down so I wouldn't forget.1. What's his favorite color? Green2. Where does he work? He doesn't have a real job.3. Burritos. His favorite food is burritos.4. Does your OC prefer paper or plastic? Paper, not for any environmental purposes he just likes the way it looks5. How old is he? 16 as far as anyone knows6. Does he have any powers? Super strength, flight and the power to create anything he imagines. Those are the powers I'm willing to reveal right now.7. Is he in a relationship? No, but maybe he will one day.8. What are some of his strengths? Creative, Adaptable, and Funny9. What are some of his weaknesses? He has a terrible time staying focused so he's prone to memory loss for not paying attention.10. What is his favorite outfit? His favorite thing he always wears is his Black Jacket.11. What animal does he relate to? That's a tough one. It's a tie between Elephants, Monkey and Dragon right now.12. Is he sexually active? No13. What is his earliest memory? His own name14. What kind of phone does he have? Touch phone, I'm not gonna name out any brands15. What makes him angry? Seeing other people get hurt.16. What's his favorite time of year? Spring.17. How long can he hold his breath? I don't actually know? I think I'll play around with that idea later.18. Boxers and briefs. I don't remember the question but the answer is here19. What's his favorite kind of pizza? Meat lovers20. Does he prefer plaid or polka dots? Neither he prefers polka music21. Who is his best friend? I don't wanna be a chooser but my co-writer agrees right now it's his classmate Matt.22. Has he ever killed anyone? Nope23. What's his biggest secret? Doesn't have one24. What does he smell like? Beans25. This question was the same as the clothes question so just ignore it26. Is he human or an animal? I can't answer that yet it'll give to much away.27. What languages does he speak? English and Spanish28. Does your OC like anime? If he ever watches it he would29. Can he swim? No30. What does he choose to do about the hair down there? How do you know anything is down there to begin with?31. Does he believe in fairies? He's fought aliens, vampires and other insane creatures it's impossible for him to not believe in them.32. Did he go to college? Hell no!33. Are his parents dead? I can't say that either.34. Is he religious? Not particularly that's not what he's really focused on right now.35. How flexible is your OC? Incredibly flexible.36. What turns him on? I'm not answering this37. What was his first words? Where am I?38. Does he have any pets? He actually does. He has a dog that he found on the streets and took home with him.39. What is his biggest enemy? Can't give that away40. What is the craziest thing he's ever done? Surviving a lazer to the chest.41. What is his motto in life? Live and love life. It's a great thing when you're free.42. Neither. I don't remember the question but neither.43. Who is his hero? His grandfather 44. What color are his eyes? Green45. Does he like reading? He can't read.46. Is he loyal? Yes47. Does he tolerate violence? No48. What social class is he? Lower class49. What country was he born in? I can't give that away either50. Does he cry easily? No51. What's his favorite kind of music? Rock52. How does he feel about insects? He actually loves them. He loves all form of life.53. What is his sexual orientation? Straight 54. Does he smoke? Hell no55. What gender? Male56. What clothes does he wear? Same question third time in a row57. Would you call him adventurous? Oh definitely he loves going out to new places all the time58. Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert59. What's the first thing people notice about him? His Afro60. Does he enjoy nature? He loves nature!

[squishylotus]

Distances Plot Pre-Draft

I thought you might find it funny to read the pre-draft for Distances. Basically, it’s plot points, dialogue bits, and notes to self. It’s step 2 of my writing process (which I can write about if you’re interested, let me know) I literally just copy-pasted it in so it has all the typos all the weird stuff, and the old order (I ended up changing a fair amount of stuff as I was writing) I knew it would end up being a longer fic than I had intended (I was aiming for about 7,000?) because just the plot is over 2,000 words long lol

Alright here we go!

Plot to the bokuaka story in your sketchbook that is literally fading away:

Akaashi CK bokuaka with background iwaoi and maybe matsuhana

Bokuto is at a resort in Hawaii with the Japanese Volleyball team following a difficult training camp Akaashi is the drop dead gorgeous guy that Bokuto gets a huge crush on They find out they live relatively close to each other back in Japan The volleyball team gets on Bokuto's case, particularly Oikawa but that's because he's deflecting

DAY 1 OF 8

Akaashi's stay is 2 weeks long, it's the beginning of his second week when the volleyball team arrives for their 1 week vacation (that Oikawa surprise booked for them as team captain) Bokuto first sees him at the beach when the team is at the beach bar after unpacking their suitcases He can't say shit, he just openly stares. Akaashi probably sees him but doesn't really think about it or make it obvious. Oikawa teases Bokuto plenty. He doesn't see him for the rest of the day

DAY 2 OF 8

Next he sees him at the pool. Akaashi is an excellent swimmer. Insert classic ladder scene at the foot of Bokuto's chair. He shakes his hair and some of the water lands on Bokuto and he mutters a quiet sorry before walking away and Bokuto is like. Oh. I. I gotta. I have to say something (but he cant yet lol) He pesters a few people around him and someone from the team gives him a line in spanish and like. they're in hawaii and he's p sure akaashi's shirt label was in Japanese but he's not creepy, okay? He's gonna make this work!

DAY 3 OF 8

They finally talk at breakfast the next day, Bokuto is a super early riser so he's usually the first one there but some guys from the team wanted to go for a run around the resort so he's there at more normal human hours today and there! he! is! Bokuto gets to use his line. Akaashi is flattered (he goes to resorts every year, knows a lil bit of spanish for it) They are at the breakfast buffet on either side of it, bond over a love of breakfast meats, share tips. Bokuto gets called over by his team who cant see that he's finally talking to his crush. Bokuto quickly says  'lets meet on the beach later!!' Akaashi smiles a small but powerful!! smile and goes with his plate to sit outside. Bokuto takes that as a yes, has to like fan himself for a minute before sitting with the team and telling them everything.

Akaashi goes to the beach, gets a drink and wanders around. He walks with his feet in the water away from the resort, and walks back when he realizes Bokuto won't be in that direction. Upon his return, he sees a group at the volleyball net, Bokuto included. He walks over calmly. They take off their overshirts to reveal matching volleyball jerseys for the Japanese national team (because theyre fuckin extra like that, and a few of them think it'll help them score. It probably does tbh) They want to play 6 on 6 but they're missing a setter (the entire team isnt here, just the people who wanted to come. People like Kageyama and Ushijima stayed behind to practice more, thinking this trip was a waste of time)

Makki is about to volunteer to do it when Akaashi (who approached without any of them noticing) speaks up. 'I'm a setter' or 'I can set' Bokuto is over the moon!!! The team is trying to be good about it but they clearly have doubts. They basically divide the team in who wants to be set to by Oikawa and who wants the challenge of someone they think won't be very good. (so like Yaku is playing as a wing spiker on Akaashi's side even though he's the libero because otherwise they'll still be one person short) They divide into shirts/skins and Bokuto wants to volunteer their side for skins because ulterior motives, but he's halfway through his exclamation and the other side is already stripped. They're doing this to make sure Akaashi is comfortable but Akaashi kind of just rolls his eyes (unseen by anyone but Bokuto, which signals to Bokuto that Akaashi is comfortable with his body, which is a good thing for Bokuto to know)

So of course Akaashi sets brilliantly. The surprise factor for the other side, along with how great Bokuto and Akaashi suddenly work together, is enough to make them win a set, and by then the other side is already getting a sunburn so they stop. Oikawa marches to the net and demands to know Akaashi's play history. Akaashi calmly states that he played for Shinzen and Bokuto went to Fukurodani? They're very impressed because it's hard to set for so many synchronized attacks. Akaashi is in the team's inner circle now basically. They invite him to join them for supper (to help Bokuto and his massive crush out especially)

Subplot Time!!

So far Oikawa has seemed pretty distracted except for when they were playing volleyball. He keeps looking around like he's searching for something or someone and it's driving the team nuts, more so than Bokuto's crushing. They finally corner him after he takes even longer than usual getting ready for supper. It turns out that Iwaizumi his childhood friend works at the resort and he's been trying to find him so they could be reunited! They talk on facebook back in Japan but Oikawa has his phone on airplane mode so he hasn't been able to contact him this whole time and he forgot to ask in what department Iwaizumi works, etc.  He tells them to go on without him.

They all show up for supper looking pretty spiffy. Akaashi is already there ofc looking amazing. Fem-cut shirt, pants that look sort of like a skirt, all in black, very androgynous. Bokuto is possibly even more taken? They have a nice night with the team. Oikawa shows up late but with Iwaizumi in tow, causing a great ruckus. They all drink and laugh and have way too much to eat and most of the team goes dancing after but Bokuto only has eyes for Akaashi so they split from the group and head off to one of the bars on the resort to keep chatting.

(The chunk that goes here is still in your sketchbook)

Ok dont be chicken here it is:

They walk on the beach back to Akaashi's room. He invites Bokuto in. They do it with the lights on, very romantic. Akaashi is still stuffed, Bokuto too tbh. Akaashi is totally the type to have brought a toy in his suitcase so he is already ready for Bokuto from the night before while Bokuto litterally jamed 3 boxes of condoms in his suitcase and has a handful of fresh ones in his pocket lol Akaashi: did you think you'd get with lots of people? Bokuto, blushing probably: I only want to get with you tho (this is super cheesy but probably still totally happens lol) They're not even tipsy, they never were actually drunk, there is very clear consent (tag it enthusiastic consent)

DAY 4 OF 8

The next morning, they have sex again. V nice, all soft, glowing in the sunrise (leave me alone) Bokuto lost his shirt somewhere between the bar and the room (he finds it later with the team, it's hilarious) so he borrows one of Akaashi's. (also later, Akaashi tries on the national jersey and looks great in it, it fits like a crop top)

They hang out with the team, Akaashi makes friends, the iwaoi subplot continues in the background. They play pool games. Akaashi doesnt think Bokuto can lift him on his shoulders but he totally can, although they get toppled almost immediately. They go dancing with the team and Iwaizumi that night. OFC Akaashi can dance really well lol Iwaizumi attemps to infuse Oikawa with some semblance of rhythm. Some spotlight on the few straight players lol Halfway through, Mattsun shows up, he's working at the discotheque that night. Makki: *lands eyes on him* *mouth hangs open as Mattsun walks away* *to iwaizumi* Is he?? Can I?? *wild hand motions*Iwaizumi: nods, laughs out a yeah as Makki rushes in Mattsun's direction, disappearing in the crowd. Akaashi walks with the group until they get to his building and he kisses Bokuto goodbye. Bokuto is too smitten to mind that they won't sleep together.

DAY 5 OF 8

Akaashi is a little bit like a cat and at first Bokuto is dejected about it, but the team pulls him out of it. He's worried he won't see him again now that they've had sex but it's not the impression he had of Akaashi. They can't text because of their phone plans and he looks around for him but can't find him. They meet up around supper and it turns out that Akaashi was at the spa all day. He really is sorry for forgetting to tell Bokuto about it the day before. They have supper separately from everyone else and talk about personal habits and needs and it goes really well. Bokuto invites him up to his room then remembers that it's a mess, but it doesn't matter. (this is when Akaashi tries on the jersey)

DAY 6 OF 8

This is the last day of any vacation that truly feels like a vacation tbh

It's the time where everyone thinks ok, what's the things I said I would do that I haven't done yet? They probably go on a fieldtrip, Akaashi to a local art place or something, they venture off-resort.

DAY 7 OF 8

It's Saturday, Iwaizumi has the day off, this is the peak of the iwaoi subplot. Deal with the MatsuHana subplot too, maybe. Start thinking about the return, about volleyball, about the rest of the team in Japan. Bokuto and Akaashi spend some time together, some time apart. Bokuto gets an earful of the iwaoi subplot from Oikawa. Maybe gives advice? Who knows.

This is also the day to insert sunset sex on the beach lol Akaashi is still mostly clothed. They almost get spotted but it's dusk, theyre backlit and the guard thinks it's just a rock or something. They lay there really still and burd out laughing once he walks away.

DAY 8 OF 8

The day goes as a last day goes, last swim, getting ready, having to leave the room, waiting with your luggage and a final drink. Akaashi is on the same bus to the airport as the team, but not the same plane seeing as he is with a different airline (definitely in first class tho) Iwaoi goodbyes, bokuaka goodbyes (exchanging numbers and addresses) Makki doesn't think Mattsun will come but it turns out he overslept, he rushes in at the last minute and lifts Makki off the ground. Bokuto and Akaashi kiss one last time before Bokuto has to cross the gate.

Flash forward to the Olympic qualifiers, Team Japan kicking ass, Akaashi cheering uncharacteristically loudly, Bokuto looking up from the court with love in his eyes. Akaashi sticking around after the win to give Bokuto a few tosses before they go celebrate with the team.

[wanderlust-journal]

An Essay on Home

On a recent winter night, I curled up on the worn velvet of a plushy chair in a spacious, if poorly lit, hotel lobby. As the clock struck midnight, my companions and I continued a lively conversation that had started with the drastically different climates of the places we call home. We considered the California current and the gulf-stream and the “rivers” of weather they bring, of micro-climates in both in Mexico and California and the strangeness of humans pretending to control life by building a wall between the two countries that are so inextricably linked.

The Geneve is an anachronistic hotel in Mexico City’s Zona Rosa district. A step back in time, men in long coats open the doors with a flourish, a statue of Porifirio Diaz guards the foyer, and live birds chirp from hanging whicker cages.

I’d spent the evening with my daughter, a friend, a Mexico City local, and the conversation flowed easily, a frolicking bilingual stream of consciousness.  We covered politics on both sides of the border, the future of journalism, the gauging costs of graduate school, global warming, growing up in big families, and the benefits and drawback of cannabis.

My daughter had been there six weeks, and her Spanish bubbled like champagne. A chronic illness warrior, she seemed healthier in Mexico, many of the symptoms fading to a low murmur. She wrote prolifically, her sense of adventure dominated, and she laughed easily.

At twenty-three, she is approximately the age I was when I took my first sojourn to Mexico and Guatemala.

In San Francisco’s wet winter of 1988, I saw a flyer for a one month trip to Mexico and Guatemala at an irresistibly low price. At least a priceIcouldn’t resist. The flyer showed pictures of hippies, college students and senior citizens traveling the countryside on a dilapidated bus, waving from the windows as the bus teetered on the edge of green hills. I’d been marooned under a three-month depression, each morning feeling like a painful slog even to get from bed to the tea kettle. My bones actually hurt when I reached the top of our steep hill every morning to catch the clanging metro to work.

I took the flyer home, drank a beer, then sent in my deposit before I could change my mind. My hand shook as I wrote the check, but once I dropped it in the mail, a rush a blood came from my heart to my head, and the air tasted slightly like hope. I quit my job, bought a plane ticket, and tried to practice walking with a backpack.

I arrived in the Mexico City airport anxious, sleepless, and feeling weakened by heavy back pack. I tried to navigate through a seething mass of people – women with children tied to their backs, business men rushing down the corridors, older couples pulling enormous suitcases, heavily armed guards.  The airport was enormous, the loudspeakers blaring in two or three languages, and sweat rolled down my back under my pack.

“Hola! Con permiso?”  I tried on various travelers who appeared to be locals. But they all had somewhere to be and little patience for the lost Gringa from California.

This was long before the time I might carry a cell phone, all I had were cryptic directions, scribbled in my notebook. My Spanish, learned years before in Madrid, was disappointingly rusty.  My chest grew tighte with anxiety and my feet hurt. I found a chair, and tried to calm myself, closing my eyes and calling up my inner strength.

When I came back to the present, I looked across the room and spied a group of disheveled hippie types, drinking coffee on high black stools, back packs at their feet. One of them had a bandanna tied to her back pack with the travel company’s logo on it. Thank God, these were my people.

Within a few days, I was scrambling up volcanoes, praying at temples, flipping a coin to see who bought the next round of cervezas, ill on the side of the road from ceviche, and chattering in Spanish like a hyper parrot to anyone who would listen to me. I’d found the “camino” to my happy place.  I found a confident, strong, relaxed but determined friend to travel with: myself.

The trip to Mexico thirty years ago started a love affair with the countries south of the border. It has led to evenings of joy, dancing in the streets – the way I always know I’ve truly arrived in Latin America- and to long nights of worry about the inhumane treatment of our Southern neighbors. It led to months of travel and stays in Mexico, Guatemala and Belize, immersing myself in the cultures, absorbing what I could of the history, art, political complexities and most of all, people.

My travels sowed the seed to the adoption, years later, of my youngest child, who made the family whole when we didn’t even know a piece was missing.  My concern for the immigrants’ experience in the US changed the course of my career, pushing me to public and advocacy for Latino youth.

Mexico eventually solidified my relationship with my husband. We shifted from dating to serious in a little town outside Oaxaca. We got engaged on the coast of Baja. Latin America was the setting where we our love emerged in the sun and we could see the metal we would use to forge our family.

Now thirty years later our daughter Casey, a journalist, was winding up her six week stay and planning for her return. Could she live in Mexico City, she wondered? How long would the free-lancing last?

In the prior few days, I had observed as she interviewed artisans in Oaxaca, joked easily with babies, mamas and an elderly taxi driver, shared her new avarice for Mexico City with me, and relaxed in the warmth of her friends.

In the morning, as we packed up to go catch a plane back to the States, she looked crestfallen. Her heart was a kite, caught in the tree of Mexico. I picture her standing below it, tugging on the fragile string.

“Mom, come help me get my heart down.”

I look up, noticing the goldfinches fluttering in the branches. If the metaphor holds, the tree would probably be carved with the initials of local school children, and there might be a few abandoned cigarette butts dropped among the roots that push through concrete. The branches would stretch high into the sky, however and yellow flowers bloom.

“No,” I advise her. “You can’t yank it down. Better to leave your heart here and come back soon.”

So we get our bags in the taxi and wave goodbye to Mexico. . . to long evenings in the fading light at the Zocolo while babies toddle by, their hands loosely caught in their abuela’s shawl. To buying trinkets from tired men, hoping they will use the pesos to eat something.

Goodbye to constant reminders of Guadelupe, to teen boys strutting across the plaza in tight t-shirts, muchachas roller blading the other way, to taxi drivers who explain the significance of Opera to us, and indigenous healers who literally blow smoke on Casey, determined to burn away her illnesses.

It occurs to me that home is not where you are born, or even pay your taxes. It’s a latitude. The place where gravity feels heaviest, where no matter how many times you go away, you feel the earth’s incessant pull to return, to surrender. To lie down on the ground and say “Yes. Here. Home.”

Casey doesn’t look at me as the taxi joins the wave of traffic, her eyes on the sun-splashed streets.

“Don’t worry,” I promise her. “You’ll be back soon.”

BIO: Joanell Serra MFT lives and writes in Northern California. Her debut novel, The Vines We Planted, (Wido 2018) was a finalist for the American Bookfest award (multi-cultural fiction category) and was chosen by the Latina Book of the Month Club. She has published stories and essays in Eclectica, Blue Lake Review, Black Fox Literary Magazine, Poydras Review, Gravitas, Meat for Tea and many other journals and has won awards for her stories and essays.

        The Latitude of Home by Joanell Serra An Essay on Home On a recent winter night, I curled up on the worn velvet of a plushy chair in a spacious, if poorly lit, hotel lobby.