#for anxiety reasons he’s not weird about it. I just think he wouldn’t realize he’s that close.

[squuote]

going off of the concept that the narrator goes from non-physical to physical form, I just think he would be the most clingy guy ever. He has no concept of personal space. He doesn’t get why you wouldn’t want him that close if he was already that close to begin with. What makes the difference now that you can see him. they are standing this close at all times

[ttjisung]

POISON p. jisung

idol!park jisung x fan!reader

in which you were convinced ndas were simply a made up concept for fangirls to get off to, that was until you you were asked to go backstage at jisung's request.

cw: mdni! smut, fem!reader, fingering, oral (f receiving), spit, p in v, protected sex :3, slight angst, jisung is down bad, overstimulation, everything is consented to!!! ^_^ i think that's all... for now. wc: (3.4k)

You were in a lucid dream. You were sure that was it – a very realistic dream in which the concert staff approached you with a request to wait until after the encore, and then follow them backstage.

Being honest, you weren’t even aware that NDA’s truly existed, labeling them as a made-up fangirl fantasy; yet here you were, in your light green and quite revealing outfit, waiting for further instruction from the two security guards that found you when you took a small bathroom break between the group’s wardrobe changes. 

Had it not been for the way your hands slightly trembled, you might’ve been able to appear confident. You wanted to look brave, because a small part of your brain told you that if you showed any anxiety, you’d be denied. The thought faded as your heartbeat quickened, recognizing Poison playing in the background. Strangely enough, NCT Dream decided to end their concert with that song, although they had already performed it once before already. Any other time, you’d be grateful considering Poison was your favorite, yet observing the members dance sensually in the black and red outfits only worsened your state, as the reality kicked in that one of them requested for you to join them backstage to do only God knows what. 

Several questions ran through your mind, the main one being who? Who of the seven had spotted you jumping along in your floor seat and decided they wanted to see you after they finished up. Truthfully – and maybe embarrassingly – you wouldn’t mind any of them. Had it been any other band, you’re sure you would’ve only desired your favorite member, yet that was what made Dream so unique: all of them were perfect. That being said, your mind immediately jumped to members like Jaemin and Haechan, who were known for being flirts. It would only make sense that the more extroverted ones would be the type to do such a thing. 

Lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t realized the concert had ended until the venue’s lights turned on and the loud buzz of the fans slowly faded out. You flinched as someone tapped your shoulder, looking around and coming face to face with one of the security guards you had met earlier, who nodded his head in the direction of the stage. “They’re back there. Let’s go.” Although your eyes were wide with shock and your skin had goosebumps, you simply followed closely behind. It wasn’t until you were led to a changing room door that the reality kicked in – you were about to meet one of your idols, and by the sound of the guards’ words, meeting wouldn’t be all you’d be doing. 

“Alright, I’ll leave now. Just knock when you’re ready, he’s already in there.” Your curiosity mixed with your anxiety at the mention of a certain ‘him’, and once the guard was gone and your nerves calmed down, you lifted your hand to knock. 

Not even three seconds later, the door opened, revealing the member who you had never expected. “Um… Hi… Come on in.” Jisung’s voice stumbled, awkwardly stepping aside to make space for you. This was weird – he truly never even crossed your mind. It’s not like you thought any of the members were innocent, they were all attractive, famous grown men. You weren’t delusional enough to believe they were inexperienced, but for some reason this seemed completely out of character for the tall male who nervously observed you as you stepped inside the room. 

“I’m not sure if they told you why I asked for you.” You shook your head, too dazed by the shock of meeting one of your favorite celebrities, alongside the reveal that Park Jisung of all people was sending NDAs to lucky fans – the realization that you were one of said fans hadn’t even kicked in yet. 

“I-I assume it’s because of… you know.” Hearing your voice grounded Jisung, who was relieved that you were nervous as well, and it wasn’t just him. Although not public knowledge, his fellow members were notorious for sleeping with fans, making him the only one who hadn’t yet. He didn’t think it was his style, too awkward to bravely invite someone like that, yet his mind changed when he saw you. 

You looked so pretty, singing along to his parts, dancing like no one else was there but you and him. You were alone, not accompanied by any friend or relative, making it even easier to avoid suspicion when the guards would approach you. There were doubts in his mind up until mid-concert, yet they faded quickly when he saw you recording him and him only during the first performance of Poison. That had to mean something, right? Surely you wouldn’t mind meeting him after, if you were so focused on him during one of the most inappropriate songs on the setlist. 

Jisung snapped out of it as you shifted tensely, looking away from him with a red face as you waited for him to answer. He found it endearing – you were so shy, even shier than him. He was glad, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of you had you been bold and initiated contact immediately. 

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want- I just… You’re really, ummm…” He cursed himself mentally for stumbling, shaking his head and breathing heavily before looking you straight in your eyes with a renowned confidence. If you weren’t, then he’d have to take control of the situation. Picking himself back up, he took a step closer to you, “You’re so pretty, and I couldn’t let you leave.”

You were shocked to hear his change of tone, looking up at him as you processed the words he let out. He thought you were pretty. Your manual breathing now matched the slight tremble of your hands, and you still felt like you were dreaming. Naturally, him inviting you back here was more than enough of an implication to his attraction, yet to hear it up front and coming out of Jisung’s mouth felt different – it felt good. 

“Thank you… I’m a really big fan.” Jisung smiled at your words; obviously you were or you wouldn’t be here, but he chose not to tease you, just nodding and looking at your eyes. “What’s your name?” “It’s Y/n.” He hummed in acknowledgement, moving slightly closer once more, furthering the height difference between you two as he looked down at you in admiration.

You’re not sure if you missed when he was being shy or not. On one hand, he probably wouldn’t make many moves if he stayed reserved, yet with his new self-assured act, you felt immensely overwhelmed by every action of his. 

It wasn’t until Jisung’s hand lightly grazed against yours that you let out a small gasp, shocked by the physical contact, his skin on yours making it all too real. “I…” His words stumbled like before, yet he shook his head, regathering his thoughts and restating what he had said before. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to do anything– I like meeting fans regardless… But I really want you.” The whispered confession at the end that slipped from his mouth was enough motivation for you to finally make your first move, shocking both him and yourself as you moved closer, leaning in and placing your lips on his. 

Not leaving any time for doubt or hesitance, Jisung quickly reciprocated, placing a large hand of his on the back of your neck to push you even closer if possible. The kiss grew heavy as his other hand slipped behind your back and slightly up your mesh shirt, holding your bare waist. If there was a word to describe the scene, it’d be desperate, as his breathing became winded.

You moved your arms that laid limp on your side awkwardly to rest on his shoulders. One of your hands threaded through his hair, pulling it experimentally, and the light groan he let out at the feeling had your arousal growing, encouraging you to pull harder. The kiss became sloppy as he moved his tongue against yours, a small mix of spit falling down your lower lip, towards your chin. 

You pulled away first to catch your breath, yet Jisung chased after you, not wanting to stop. Choosing not to land his lips on yours this time, he opened his mouth, tongue coming out to lick the saliva from your face instead. The gasp that came out of you was interrupted as he moved North, once again engulfing your lips with his. The arm that was placed behind you gripped your waist, moving you alongside him as he moved both your bodies closer to a stray couch that laid in a corner of the small room. 

Jisung pulled his arms away from you for a second, sitting down first before pulling you on top of him. The new position had a heat pooling inside of you as you felt how hard he was, only growing harder as he shifted you so you’d be directly on top of his clothed dick. 

His knuckles were a harsh red color, raw from the strength he placed on your hips once he held you again. This time, instead of simply laying there, he put his hands to use, moving you against him. The friction made both of you release a soft moan, the sounds increasing from you as Jisung grew eager once more, this time leaning into your neck and sucking harshly. 

Out of instinct, your hands moved towards his hair, once again pulling it. Jisung faltered, letting out a sound that vibrated against your neck. His hands stilled for a second before continuing his actions. “Need you so bad, baby. ‘Been looking at you since the show started.” His desperate words clung to your mind, rambling as he grinded you against him, one particular tug against his covered erection causing you to shut your eyes closed in pleasure and anticipation. 

He felt and looked big, the fact that his dick was contained meaning it could only get bigger. Matching his desire, the image of it made you restless, needing to feel it in you. Your whines shifted slightly, sounding more needy, and Jisung took it upon himself to lift you off of him. He held your body with ease before placing you on the couch next to him. 

He was standing in front of your sitting figure now, appearing taller than ever, and the image slightly intimidated you, yet excited you as you saw him take his jacket off, throwing it on the floor. Your green skirt was next, tossed somewhere irrelevant as he kneeled in front of you, each hand on one of your thighs. He looked up at your face, admiring how pretty you looked – lips swollen, your hair a bit messy, and your cheeks flushed red. Returning his attention to your thighs, he looked back down, spreading them and moving closer. 

Jisung’s face matched your red one as he breathed over your clothed core, feeling as though he was in heaven. Feeling restless with desire, he finally moved his mouth over your panties. It was sloppier than the kiss, the arousal that soaked through the fabric meeting his spit, surely leaving a wet spot. Although his actions were eager, they were calculated, soon enough having you whimper as he attached himself to your clothed clit, moving his hands softly up and down your inner thighs – a contrast to his hips that were harshly bucking against the bottom of the couch, desperate for release. You tasted so good, the thought of how you’d taste with no barrier overwhelming Jisung’s mind until he finally pulled your panties down, being met with the view of your pussy. 

Almost in awe, he leaned in until both his nose and mouth were against you. The feeling of his direct touch caused you to move, instinctively shifting away from him, yet you weren’t able to get far before Jisung’s grip on your thighs grew, pulling you even closer back into him than you were originally. 

He was right – you did taste better. Feeling you twitch in his hold encouraged him, and he dove in, finding your clit almost immediately once again. One of his hands let go, yet moved back to hold you as you tried to wriggle away, overwhelmed with the pleasure. 

Jisung looked up at you, staring with an anguished expression until you maintained his eye contact. “Please… Don’t move, please.” You honestly weren’t trying to, you just weren’t used to the attention you were receiving; nonetheless, you nodded. Taking that as a signal to continue, he moved his head down, grazing his tongue against your folds as he attempted to move his hand away again, this time met with your compliance. 

The stray hand moved towards your core, using two of his long fingers to spread you open, gaining more access before moving against your hole. The wince that you released didn’t go unheard by Jisung, as he put more pressure on your clit to distract you from the slightly painful stretch of one of his fingers moving inside you, reaching knuckle-deep as he began to thrust in and out.

Blinded by all of the stimulation, you didn’t notice him adding a second finger until he began to stretch you out even further, mirroring a scissoring-motion. Jisung felt like he could cum simply from the feeling of your walls clenching around him. 

The feeling was overwhelming, and you could tell you were close. “W-Wait… Jisung… I’m gonna…” Your words were ragged, slightly panicked as you tried to move away once more. He moved his arm from your thigh to your stomach, pressing you down into the couch as he continued. “Ji… I’m gonna-” “It’s okay, baby. You can give me more than one, right?” His words sparked something in you, and before you knew it, you released. He kept thrusting his fingers inside of you, helping you ride out your high before you finally came down. Your breathing was uneven, and you looked at him through half-lidded eyes, basking in the feeling until he interrupted, standing up and taking his shirt off. His pants were unbuckled, pushed off of his legs with haste as he moved to hold you again.

Apparently self-conscious about the fact that you had come and Jisung hadn’t, you looked at his discarded pants before speaking up. “I can do the same… If you want.” He quickly shook his head, placing you on his lap again. “I just want to feel you, please.” You nodded, moving your hand down towards the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head – the tank top you had worn instead of a bra getting stuck with the mesh fabric and coming off as well. 

A whimper escaped Jisung as you revealed yourself to him, your tits right in front of his face, so full and inviting once you straddled him again. Not even bothering to hesitate, he quickly attached his mouth to your nipple, both hands stroking your lower back in soothing movements. You were growing needier and needier as he continued, desperately needing to feel him. You bucked against him, and his mouth released you to let out a whimper at the sensation. 

One hand let go of your back, pulling off his boxers until he was finally bare against you. You could feel him against your stomach, standing tall. A part of you was too nervous to look down and perceive it, yet the other, stronger part took over. His dick was prettier than any other you had seen, the tip slightly red from the blood rushing. 

The hand that remained on your back squeezed you in place as Jisung leaned over to grab a stray condom, probably one that fell out of the pocket of his pants. He moved the package up to your mouth, eyes intently looking at your lips, and you took the signal to bite the plastic, ripping it open for him. His fingers lingered on your lips for a bit, dazed and turned on by the sight, yet he quickly snapped out of it, moving the condom down and rolling it on himself. 

Once his hand became free of the rubber, Jisung’s arms lifted you up until you were hovering on top of him. Although you were on top, he felt a need to be in control, so he took it upon himself to move you, sinking you onto his dick which pulsed inside of you. The stretch was too much, and your mouth opened as a choked gasp came out, feeling every vein that ran up his shaft. You fell forward onto him, face landing on the crevice of his neck. It was clear you were a bit unprepared, shaking at the feeling of him, and Jisung grew concerned. He didn’t want this to end already, so he racked through his brain for another solution before finding one. “Go ahead, baby. Bite me.” One of his arms moved up to wrap around your neck like he did earlier, pushing you even further into his. 

You were scared you’d hurt him, clearly showing your hesitance, yet he continued to push you into him, so you caved. Your teeth grazed his neck until you were fully biting into him. Expecting Jisung to groan in pain or move away, you were shocked to hear the unholy moan that came from his mouth. He thrusted up into you unconsciously, unable to hold himself back any longer as you clenched around him, biting down on his neck harder every time his dick hit deeper. Reluctantly, you moved your mouth away from his neck, now blinded by the shifting pleasure as your stomach flipped. Both your moans echoed through the room as he bounced you on top of him.

His hand moved down from your neck to your clit, rolling circles to push you further over – succeeding as you came for the second time, collapsing onto him. Your head fell on his chest, and he held you there gently as he continued chasing his high, cumming with one last dragged out whine. 

You’re not sure if it was post-nut clarity, but after a minute of catching both of your breaths while he cradled your body you began to overthink. Jisung was a celebrity – no matter how good the sex might’ve been (and by the looks of him, it was good) he was on tour, leaving your city the day after.

Shaking your head, you ignored all the thoughts running through your head, choosing to enjoy the little time you had left with him instead of worrying. After another minute of weirdly romantic ‘cuddling’, Jisung lifted you up, placing you on the couch. He left for a bit, returning semi-clothed with a shirt of his in his hand. You recognized it as the shirt he was wearing at the encore when they said their goodbyes to the crowd. His other hand held a towel which he used to clean you up, movements exceptionally soft as you winced when he dipped the cloth lower. Once he finished, Jisung put the shirt on you. It was baggy, covering you until mid thigh.

“That was… It was really nice.” His timid voice came back as he stared at you, sitting on the floor next to the couch. You nodded, sitting up on the couch and facing him as well. “I’m sorry I can’t walk you out. The guards said I’m not allowed, but you can borrow my jacket if it’s cold.” 

You fought the disappointment rattling in your head as you nodded again, taking it from him as well as your own bundled up clothes, and thanking him. Your skirt was quickly slipped on, the protective shorts that came attached hopefully being enough to cover you. Jisung led you to the door, walking with you until you reached the exit of the building. He looked sad, and somehow the expression calmed you down – it wasn’t just you who appeared upset with the anti-climatic situation.

He waved goodbye, and you waved back quickly before stepping out. He was right, it was cold so you slipped his jacket on, fitting you big as well. It wasn’t until you walked towards your car in the venue’s parking lot that you realized an article of yours was missing - your panties to be specific. You scoffed, imagining Jisung sneaking them away before giving his clothes to you. 

Once you got home, you warmed up quickly with your AC, deciding to take his jacket off. As you shook the fabric off, a small note fell out of the pocket, and you swore once again that you were in a dream as you read the words written on it.

‘I think I’m going to miss you so here’s my number. Please message me when you see this. - Ji.'

a/n: i'm seeing jisung live again at smtown soon so my brain is running... thinking thoughts... he was so fine irl i can't wait to see my man again i'm going to run on stage and you will NOT be able to drag me off of him. anyway here are some of the thoughts i'm thinking ^_^ i hope you guys like

[emssturniolo]

delicate

pairing: matthew sturniolo x reader

summary: your soft spoken tone doesn’t let you make new friends, but matt is who you only really need

warnings: use of yn, and names such as baby ;)

a/n: very rare emssturniolo matt fan fic ! whaaat ?!??

happy reading :)

you and matt were currently at a party with his brothers. it was a party of some influencer who you didn’t really know, and had never spoken to

but you didn’t want to ruin the night for matt, who seemed to be excited to go to this party with his brothers and friends, so you promised yourself, for his sake, to try and make some new friends to talk to while you’re there

you went in confident and ready, to just tell your anxiety to fuck off and get out of your (very comfortable) comfort zone. yet, every time that you tried to talk to some girl that seemed remotely interesting to you, they would give you one of three main responses: make a weird face and shrug you off, try to talk to you and end up leaving, or just straight up insulting you - see there was a small problem with you and parties; you were too soft spoken to be heard in places with loud music and a lot of talking. so every time you tried to talk to someone, they wouldn’t be able to hear you and they’d either just leave or tell you to speak up, which was quite literally impossible for you to do, since your voice just didn’t go any higher than the slight next step from a whisper

yet you were determined. you didn’t want to cling onto matt, you wanted him to have fun and have some alone time with his friends, away from you. the last thing you needed was for him to think you’re too clingy. so you tried again, for the third time, to talk to a girl. this time, you spotted a girl sitting alone on the couch in the living room of the house the party was being held in. she was just on her phone when you sat next to her, and said “hey, you wanna talk?” and she diverted her attention away from her phone and looked at you with a smile. this was going well,,, surprisingly. “yeah sure! what’s your name?” she asked, “mine’s jenna.”, you smiled, “i love that name! i’m yn!” - jenna looked confused for a second before asking you, “sorry, what was that?”. she hadn’t heard you. “i said i love that name, i’m yn!” you tried again, raising your voice a bit higher, or as much as you could. “i can’t hear you! look, if you’re not gonna speak up i don’t think we can talk!”, jenna scoffed, and got up and left

tears brimmed at your eyes. you knew you weren’t speaking loud, but there was no reason for people to be so mean about it - so you gave in, and went to find matt. you needed him urgently, just a hug would be enough, but you couldn’t find him. you were growing more anxious by the second, so you quickly shot matt a text

matt<3

hey where are you?

i’m on the balcony

why what’s wrong?

can we meet ? like outside ?

yeah sure :)

and with that, you found matt outside the door of the house. the second you came close enough, you hugged him tightly. light tears ran down your warm cheeks, and as soon as matt realized, he pulled back, his hold still on you - gentle, but firm. “what’s up, my love? what’s wrong?” he spoke gently, just to match your delicate state. “nothing, just tried to talk to some people to let you have fun, but they always gave me weird looks or responses when i talked low.” you lightly let out a breath. he hugged you again, his delicate hands sinking into your skin, you above your hips - to let you know he’s there

“baby, look at me. you know i love everything about you, but trust me, that soft, gentle, beautiful, sweet, delicate tone of your voice is on my ‘top three things i love about yn’ list. promise.” and with that, he stuck out his pinky finger, which was immediately interlocked with yours, a kiss planted on each other’s fingers, and another one right after, planted on each other’s lips

“i love you, my sweet girl.” he said, sincerely. and you could tell, just by the stars in his eyes which show up anytime he talks about something he’s passionate about,,,

or talking about you

[bahablastplz]

All in | Chapter 16.5 (Felix)

pairing: Lee Felix x f!reader (mafia au)

summary: You didn't know what you were getting yourself into when you started dating Yang Jungwon, notorious mafia boss. Your life gets flipped upside down when you're found beaten and bloody by SKZ, the rival mafia group, and you're quickly integrated into their lives. What will happen when you try to leave your old life behind and start anew?

chapter summary: How did Felix come to join SKZ?

warnings: please see series masterlist for all warnings

series masterlist ~~ series taglist ~~ main masterlist

<< previous ♡ next >>

Felix:

When I was a child, people used to tell me that I would get taken advantage of for my kindness. I didn’t really understand what that meant, or what these phrases ‘to be walked all over,’ or ‘doormat,’ ever really meant. I just knew that I was taught in school to never bully anybody else, and that everybody should be treated with kindness, and so I did just that. 

I was treated poorly from a young age by other kids for reasons I never really understood why. To my understanding, they were reasons out of my control, because there was nothing I could ever do to make anybody like me. At some point I realized that other kids’ parents were telling their children to stay away from me. 

When I was in second grade my family moved away, and I finally made a friend. We didn’t move too far away, just a few neighborhoods over, but I still ended up changing schools. And so for once, I ended up growing closer to a boy in my grade even though I was a transfer student. I felt like something good had come of my move, even though I had begged and begged my parents for us to stay. 

“Why do you even care about staying?” my mother had asked. “It’s not like you have any friends.” Even though I was young, that had hurt like a knife to the gut. I didn’t want to be a burden, so I complied. She was right… I wasn’t sure why I cared so much about a place I had no stake in, but I was a kid, and kids have weird attachments to things sometimes. 

But then suddenly, Jack, my new friend on the playground, made me feel like all of my issues went away. I didn’t think about how hard it was for me to make friends anymore, I didn’t have to think about leaving the old school behind. I felt happy, distracted, and care-free. Like a kid should. 

It was short-lasting. 

After school, Jack and I were playing on the playground when his mom came to pick him up. His mother grabbed him harshly by the elbow, dragging him away without saying goodbye. 

“This ‘Felix’ kid you’ve been playing with, you didn’t tell me he was a Lee!” she spat. “You can’t play with him anymore.” They were far enough away that I could barely hear them, but the words still made anxiety bubble up in my gut and tears pool down my face. 

“Jack–” I called after him. “Bye, Jack!” His mother held him closer to her body as they walked away, shielding him from me. 

We never played together again, and just like at my first school, everybody started avoiding me no matter how nice I was. However, this time I had an answer as to why that was: it wasn’t because of me, it was because of my family name. 

It wasn’t clear to me at first what about my family name was such an issue or what caused it to make the other kids stay away. I still kept to myself all throughout school, not interacting much with any of the others. I even considered begging my parents to homeschool me at one point, but I knew that it would have been too much of a burden. My parents wouldn’t have been able to afford taking the time off of work to homeschool me. 

It was lonely. 

I didn’t put up a fight when we moved again. I was in high school this time, and when my parents told me we were moving, I packed my bags and  wordlessly followed. 

Finally, my parents admitted the truth to why we had moved after we settled into the new place. My father hadn’t gotten a new job; we were on the run. It was the reason why we had moved the first time and it was the reason why we had moved now. It turns out that my parents were prone to bad spending habits and taking out loans from the wrong people, and so each time we would have to pick up and move. It was hard, and my parents would often try to look for other options in order to pay off their debts, like selling drugs or partaking in illegal activities in exchange for cash just so we wouldn’t be displaced, but their name wasn’t the most reputable around. All they had wanted to do was help, but it was only hurting me over and over and over again when I had never done anything wrong from day one. 

It’s hard to know that your parents have done something so horrible. Looking at your own parents that you’ve known your whole life and seeing the faces staring back at you, knowing what they’ve hidden from you, it changes the way you look back at your childhood. It changes the way you view your parents and it changes the way that you view yourself. 

When my parents were killed and taken away from me suddenly, I didn’t know how to feel. 

Grief is just so, so complicated. 

Because I was still mourning the fact that my parents weren’t the people who I thought they were when they were taken away from me. I was trying to cope with the fact that my parents were inherently ‘bad’ people, but at the same time, they were all that I had. 

They were all that I had. 

“Help me take them down from the inside,” Chan had said. Bang Chan is the man that had found me a few days after my parents had died, had approached me at their funeral. “I need you to help me. The loan sharks, they killed my dad, too. I understand you, I was you once. If you can join, I think we have a solid chance of destroying them.” He explained to me that since he joined the loan sharks he had already risen in the ranks, was already gaining a lot of power. 

As much as I hated the idea of joining the people that killed my parents, the idea of revenge was so self-fulfilling. The man was convincing, too, with an already solidified plan and the work to show for it. 

I began to not really know who I was anymore. The only thing that was on my mind was blinding rage, and that was the thing that motivated me to wake up every day. I was no longer the little boy with a childlike wonder that was nice to everyone. 

I satisfied my one-track mind with Chan’s help. I delivered the finishing blow, the only exception being that Chan would be the one to take his place. I was fine with that, but it didn’t quite fill the hollowness inside that I had originally hoped. 

Joining the loan sharks and killing the man on top, it didn’t bring my parents back. It didn’t change what they had done and it didn’t change the person that it had turned me into. 

When I started to go into a deep depression and felt that maybe I should leave Chan to lead the new organization by himself, I was surprised by what he had said. 

“Leave…? Felix, leaving isn’t an option now. You owe me for helping you catch the guy who killed your parents.” I sort of looked at him strangely. It wasn’t the same thing that he had told me when he had recruited me and I felt like I was stuck now, with no way out. “That’s not something you can take lightly,” he had told me. “I was right there by your side. It’s only right for you to be there for me by mine. After all, you got to accomplish your mission, but mine is only halfway there.” 

And as his right-hand man, he had told me how he had planned to rebrand the loan sharks into something slightly more sinister. For now I had a new purpose in life, and it was to completely serve Chan until he felt that he had accomplished his goals.

I made my first friends again in this new life. I made them in Hyunjin, who I found to be a great conversationalist and so introspective that he had me questioning myself on a deeper level. In his thoughtfulness, his delicateness, and his intelligence that was valued in the group among all else. In Minho and Jisung, who had joined at the same time, in their complexities and hidden humors that are only unlocked once you know them on a deeper level. Their connections and smiles and hearts and anxieties and all of the love that they have to give, both individually and together. In Seungmin, who’s twisted humor hits deep and who’s compassion is even more heart-wrenching once you get to know him. Who would never tell you that he cares about you but would show it to you through his actions. Who pays attention to every last detail about everyone. Changbin, who has so much inner strength and resilience that he doesn’t know what to do with it, who wants to be strong because he is so scared of not being able to protect the people that he cares about. Who would so effortlessly do anything that anyone asked of him. Jeongin, our maknae, who everyone cares about like their own baby brother, who everyone wants to protect and cherish. Who has seen his fair share of shitty things but works just as hard as everyone else in order to strive for his goals. Who, even though he had known us for only half as long, would jump in front of a bullet for us. And then… Y/N… 

Y/N who made my world stop spinning on my axis when I met her. She ignited a fire inside of me and though a little voice inside of my head spoke and said it was probably wrong, I didn’t dare to listen to it. There’s nobody like her. Nobody who would ever dare stand up to Chan, nobody I’ve ever met who I’ve wanted to cherish and protect so much, but also, nobody that I have wanted to see flourish and grow. I am utterly and hopelessly in love. 

It didn’t take me long to realize that between Y/N and SKZ I had obtained something that I had needed for a long time, and I hadn’t even been looking. A family. A real one. 

And I intend to do whatever it takes to keep it. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

taglist: @shuporanporang ; @purp13st4r ; @eurydiceofterabithia ; @heartsbyandra ; @thicccurls ;

@rylea08 ; @the-sweetest-rose ; @oddracha ; @kapelover ; @goldenmellow ;

@zerefdragn33l ; @uhh-awkward-rightt ; @astudyoftimeywimeystuff ; @kaleigh-2002 ; @thatonexcgirl ;

@mindfreecreator ; @linoalwaysknows ; @velvetmoonlght ; @minahaeyo ; @crystalchuuu ;

@hash2013 ; @skzswife ; @b0bbl3s ; @thecutiepieme ; @bear8585 ;

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@starsofasteria ; @klopez01 ; @luvlinos ; @hyunjinnnnnnnnnnnnnn ; @skz-akira ;

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@changbokkii ; @1810cl ; @sillyhal ; @abcdefgiwsmctyeliaitaiglykoh ; @justastraymoa

[taleyav]

"Just friends"

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring *

"Nothing. Again. Great." Mike sighed against the wall of his basement. He hates when Joyce is working, which is constantly now. He rings up Dustin to complain. Because Lucas is at basketball practice like always. So Dustin is all Mike has now. It's weird because Will used to be the person Mike would go to so he can complain and rant to. Now Will's mom is the reason he complains. Dustin is quick to answer like always, and for a moment Mike feels grateful.

"No answer?"

"Nope. Nothing. I'll try again in an hour, but for now! What the actual fuck dude! I hate Joyce's job! It's so stupid that I basically have to schedule a meeting with my best friend!"

"I know. I know man. I'm sorry."

Mike sighs out but doesn't say anything for a moment.

"Thanks for trying though man."

"Of course man. But hey listen I gotta go, my mom's calling me up. She wants a new cat."

"Oh. Haha have fun."

"I won't. See ya man."

"See ya!" With the sound of the hanging up beep, Mike sighs again and walks to the couch. He plops down dramatically and starts thinking. He hates this so much. All he wants to do is at least talk to Will. The only thing that can calm him down in a bad mood is Will. El helps when she can, but Will is the only one who can fix it completely.

He hates that too. He hates that the only person who can calm him down is the person he can never reach. He hates that he can't go to his girlfriend about this. She could only understand and help so much. But Will.. he understands everything Mike says. Sometimes Mike wishes Will was a girl. Then maybe it'd be easier, but he loves El. At least he thinks he does anyway. Eventually he realizes the time and realizes the full hour has passed. An hour of self loathing and anxiety. Great another one.

Mike gets up again and goes to the phone. He almost doesn't pick it up. He almost just leaves it alone and goes to sulk for the night. It wouldn’t be the first time. But something in him tells him to try again. Maybe it's his stubbornness, or his desire to talk to Will that does it. But he picks the phone up anyway and while he puts the number in he gets a weird rush of Deja Vu. But he pushes on and listens to ring of the phone. It's five rings later and he almost hangs up. But then there’s a different sound, a pause then the sound of the phones connecting.

"Hello, Byers residents. Joyce speaking."

"Oh! Joyce hey!"

"Mike? Oh hi hun! Haven't heard from you in a while! What's going on? How's school going?"

"Uh. Yeah school's great thanks."

"Right! Silly me! You're calling for Will aren't you?"

"Haha yes ma'am I am. Is he there?"

"Yes! I'll put him on now!"

There's a muffled sound of Joyce's voice then there's something different that happens.

"Uh hello?" Will answers the phone seemingly confused. His voice seems deeper, like three octaves deeper. It surprises Mike for a moment, but he pushes past his initial thoughts and speaks to him. Finally.

"Will!"

"Mike! Hey man! How- how are you? I haven't heard from you in a while."

"Yeah. Yeah I know sorry man." I tried calling you, like every day. But that sentence dies in his throat. He wouldn't dare say that out loud. He'll sound like a wimp.

"That-that's ok! How's it going?"

"Um. It- it's fine thanks. How um how is it for you?"

“... good. Are you sure you're ok? You can tell me." Great. He saw right through it like aways.

"I- I just honestly had a terrible day today." He sighs uncomfortably he really doesn't want to elaborate. But he knows he has to.

"Oh I'm sorry what happened?" Mike sighs again and thinks of something to say. He can't say the real reason why. He can barely admit to himself the real reason.

"Oh. Um I got a bad grade on my exam today." That actually was true, he did get a really bad grade on an exam today in math. But he honestly didn't care about that. He couldn't care less about it, but it was the only thing he could think to say.

"Oh man! I'm sorry I understand, is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I- I don't know right now."

"Well I can distract you."

"That sounds great actually."

For the next ten minutes Will talks about anything that he can think of. Mike mostly listens, but he loves the conversation. He feels at ease for the first time all day. And for a moment, a single moment he wishes he could tell Will what he's desperately wanting to tell him. He's dying to confess to him, to say 'Will, I'm so desperately in love with you. I wish I could be with you, I don't care about El. She's nothing to me, because I can't have you.’ But instead he just listens and reminds himself that they're "just friends". And Mike would never dare ask Will his feelings either.

Because he's convinced that Will's straight, but is he?

[scarabsinthestardust]

Right on Time // Ch. 11

MASTERLIST

word count: 2300+

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, guys. We're almost to the end.

Sorry it's so short ;-;

CHAPTER WARNINGS: language; weed; small mentions of previous domestic violence; talks of police, jail/prison, & a small mention of the death penalty; anxiety; mentions of nightmares; no smut but some sort of steamy bits and allusions to sex

Coming into Josh’s house and realizing how dark and empty it was, an eerie feeling settled over the both of us. Josh took deliberate, slow breaths as he scanned the room, fighting to not let the memories of that night take over. Sam and Danny had done an excellent job of cleaning up and ensuring any leftover evidence from the fight was gone, but it didn’t prevent Josh from wishing he was anywhere else.

We were getting ready to put down an offer on a house and needed to prepare his to sell. We were here to start packing up the rest of his belongings and selling or donating whatever he didn’t want. At first, he was quiet as he went through things and packed them up in boxes. I knew this would be difficult for him, but there were times when I wondered if he was really ready to move on from this place, this part of his life.

I was helping him go through the bedroom closet. As he sorted clothes into the ‘keep’ or ‘donate’ piles, I pulled a box from the top shelf of the closet. “What about this stuff?” I didn’t dig through the box, but I could see a sweater and a wristwatch sitting on top.

Josh’s movements halted when he realized what I was referring to. “Oh. That’s… Finn’s.”

“What do you want to do with it?” Of course, I couldn’t see any reason to keep it, but I needed him to make a solid decision. I wouldn’t push him if he felt he wasn’t ready to part with some of these things yet. But he answered without too much hesitation.

“Donate it. It’s mostly clothes. There’s a tablet in there, too, but I don’t think it even works.” He didn’t linger on it and turned to continue on the task he was working on.

Not surprisingly, there was a noticeable change in Josh’s demeanor after his meeting with Finn. It took him the rest of the day before he told me about it; it wasn’t easy for him, and I held him that night while a wave of emotions crashed over him. A few days later, he received a phone call that solidified the fact that the worst was over.

-

Josh was on the phone when I got out of the shower, eyes wide and jaw tense. He listened intently to the person on the other end until he said, “Okay. Thank you for letting me know,” and hung up. He lifted his gaze toward me. “He did it,” he said quietly, an air of disbelief around him.

“Who… did what?”

“That was Detective Leyte. Finn… he confessed. To the murder, to the crash, everything.”

I hadn’t expected that. “Oh, shit. That’s good, right?”

“I… he’ll be locked up, probably for life.” I couldn’t read his expression; something about his demeanor seemed… strange.

I closed the distance between us and placed my hand on his shoulder, gently rubbing down his arm. “And how are you feeling right now?”

“I… I don’t know,” he sighed. “I know I should be happy, or relieved, something, but…” He shook his head. “I don’t know. Is that weird? Am I just that messed up from all this? Am I—”

“Josh. Baby, look at me.” I cut off his worried rambling and my hands moved to his cheeks. “You’re not required to feel a certain way or even have it all figured out. This has all been… a lot. You’re allowed to have some complicated feelings. And it doesn’t mean you’re messed up or broken or whatever the little voice in your head is telling you. It’s obviously gonna take some time to process it all, but I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

-

Packing up his house wasn’t an entirely solemn affair. He tossed me a set of bed sheets from the closet that were just sort of balled up. “Don’t judge me. I don’t know how to fold fitted sheets.”

“Me neither,” I shrugged, throwing them into a box.

He huffed and threw his hands up in mock frustration. “What the hell? One of us has to know how to fold fitted sheets. How are we ever supposed to get married now?”

“Guess you’ll just have to find someone else to marry then, huh,” I joked. I laughed when he stuck out his bottom lip in a pout and reached out for him. “C’mere, you.”

I pulled him in for a kiss that quickly turned a little more heated than I intended (I promised myself we were going to be productive on the packing front). One of his hands moved to the back of my head and tugged at my hair as he pushed me backwards until I hit the edge of the bed. We both fell onto the pile of clothes that had been haphazardly thrown onto the bed to be sorted through, Josh on top of me. I let my hands slip under his shirt while he planted soft kisses on my neck.

“I miss you,” he whispered into my ear.

“I’m right here, baby,” I replied, not completely understanding what he was implying.

“Not what I meant.” He moved his hips in such a way that the unexpected friction made me gasp, and it clicked.

I urged him to sit up, just enough for me to look at his face. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Please. I need you.” Judging by the look in his eyes, I’m sure he would have gotten on his knees and begged for it if he had to. Not that I’d ever make him.

“I’m all yours.”

~

House hunting had proved to be a lot more stressful than I expected, but isn’t it always? And Josh was picky. Sometimes it made sense – the kitchen is too small, it’s too close to a busy roadway, and I won’t ever forget the look on his face when the realtor disclosed that someone died in one of the upstairs bathrooms. We found one that looked great until we got to the spiral staircase. “Could you imagine trying to get up that thing drunk?” he asked. “Disaster waiting to happen.” And some of the things that turned him off were… well, stupid. He didn’t like the crown molding, the shape of the windows, the positioning of the ceiling lights.

We were both getting frustrated, and beyond exhausted at the end of each day. It started to take a toll on Josh as he began to second guess his decisions. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I know I’m being a huge pain in the ass.”

“You’re… particular. But I get it. It’s a huge step, and a huge purchase. You want it to be perfect.”

“None of them have felt… right. I thought I’d just know when we found it, but…” he trailed off and shrugged.

“It’s okay,” I tried to assure him. “We have time. We’ll keep looking. Maybe… maybe we try something a little different.”

And that’s what we did. We’d originally filtered our search to stick primarily with more modern styled houses, but at this point, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to branch out a little. I found one online that wasn’t too far outside of the city and arranged a walkthrough with the realtor. I hadn’t shown it to Josh yet, and when we pulled into the driveway, he went quiet. I couldn’t tell yet if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Built in the 80s, it was two stories with a brick foundation and off-white vinyl siding. The windows were framed by muted green shutters and the covered porch extended almost the entire length of the front of the house. The backyard was surrounded by tall trees that offered shade and plenty of privacy. Inside, we walked along the brand-new wood flooring, Josh stopping to admire the brick fireplace. He was especially partial to the built-in bookshelves.

The realtor explained that while certain things were up to date, such as the windows, the roof, and all the electrical, it did need a little work. “All cosmetic, though. The kitchen’s already been remodeled, and it’s good to go on the inspections and whatnot.” I had already picked out a few things that would need to be redone, but it was all easy stuff.

“Yikes.” Josh grimaced when he saw the upstairs bathroom. “That wallpaper has got to go.” I agreed with him.

Back downstairs in what was essentially a sunroom, lined with windows to provide an almost unobstructed view outside, the realtor gave us a minute to talk it over. I prepared myself for Josh to pick it apart and give me all the reasons why he didn’t like it.

“I know it’s not quite what you had in mind, but—”

“I love it.”

I stared at him in shock. “You… really?”

He nodded as he peered around the room, considering his final decision. “It’s got character. I feel like… it’s got a story. One that doesn’t involve someone kicking the bucket.” He snorted a laugh. “And it… feels like there’s room for us to make our own story, ya know?”

There it was. Yeah, I thought the house itself was beautiful; I loved everything about it. The little cosmetic updates were just a way for us to make it ours. And that was the most important part, that I could see us in this place, turning this new page and making it home.

“Are you saying this is the one?”

He bit his lip and watched me with those big brown eyes of his. “What do you think, Cai?”

I had no second thoughts, no hesitation. “Let’s fuckin’ do it.”

He almost knocked me off my feet when he all but tackled me in excitement, throwing his arms around my shoulders. He had the biggest smile on his face, and I couldn’t help but return it as I held onto him. He kissed me eagerly and laughed as we parted. “We’re buying a fuckin’ house.”

~

“When’s the housewarming party, bitches?!”

Sam wasted no time in making his presence known as he trailed in the house with Danny.

“When it’s ready for a housewarming party, fucker,” responded Josh.

Sam took in the sight of us, both covered in way more paint than made sense. We didn’t have much time to get cleaned up before they showed. “Damn, what happened? Painting got interrupted by a midday fuck session?”

Josh chewed on his fingernail and we both went silent as we avoided his brother’s gaze. He wasn’t wrong, but the can of paint getting knocked over was completely unintentional.

Sam looked horrified when the pieces fell into place. “Ew! Gross!”

Danny just chuckled. “Okay, moving on from that. How’re the rest of the upgrades going?”

“Good,” I answered. “We’re almost done. Ugly ass wallpaper in the bathroom is the last big thing. We replaced all the doorknobs and that closet door that was a little wobbly.”

“Nice. Josh said the curtain rods were kind of a pain in the ass?”

Josh groaned. “Oh my God, don’t get him started on the curtain rods.”

Too late for that. “Whoever put the old ones up should be in federal prison,” I said through gritted teeth.

“That bad, huh?”

“Who the fuck uses five-inch nails to put curtain rods up in drywall?!”

Danny grimaced and we talked about the extremely tedious process of repairing all the big ass holes before we could even begin putting the new rods up. Josh and Sam quickly got bored of the conversation and wandered off, likely out back to light up a joint.

“He seems like he’s doing so much better,” Danny said quietly once we were alone.

“Yeah, he is. It… it still nags at him sometimes, but not nearly as bad anymore.” He couldn’t always escape the nightmares, and they were worse when he was alone at night, but he found it a little easier to deal with every time.

“It’s crazy how all that panned out. And Finn, he’ll be locked up for good?”

“That’s the plan. He’ll probably only serve a year here for the assault, it being ‘officially’ his first offense. And South Dakota is fucked so they’ll only sentence up to two years for a hit and run fatality, which makes no goddamn sense to me. But once they extradite him to Utah, he’s looking at aggravated murder, which means life in prison, if they don’t give him the death penalty.”

“Shit. That’s gotta be a bit of a relief, though, to know he’s not coming back.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. After a beat, I told Danny about our plans for next month. “Josh wants to go to Salt Lake City.”

“Why?”

“He wants to go visit Stephen, the guy Finn killed. Wants to see where he’s buried, pay his respects, I guess.”

“Oh. Makes sense.”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I hate seeing him upset, but if he feels like he needs to, I’m not gonna stop him.”

“You worry too much. He’ll be okay. He knows what he’s doing, and it’ll probably be good for him.” There was no arguing; I knew he was right.

Josh and Sam eventually made their way back inside, smelling like weed and grinning like they’d just gotten away with a crime.

“Cairo, get changed. Sam and I have decided that, seeing how it is Tuesday, we are going out for tacos and tequila.”

“Bottomless margaritas!” Sam chimed in.

Tacos did sound pretty fucking good right about now. “I��m down, but I need a shower first. And so do you,” I said, reminding Josh that we were both still covered in paint.

“Save water, shower together,” Sam snickered.

“That was the plan.” Josh shot me a mischievous smirk and wasted no time in grabbing a hold of my hand and dragging me upstairs with him.

///

TAGLIST @hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka @lilbitx @gvfstuddedmajesty @joshylanefleet

[tornrose24]

I was thinking over some stuff and realized that if the timeline/world of TGAMM was close to real life, then there would have been a lot of real-world issues/factors that could have affected Scratch/Todd’s anxiety, which in turn led to losing his soul. Especially in the decade that would have led up to the year he likely lost his soul.

So knowing that he was in his 50’s in the early 2020’s, and that he was in his 40’s in the early 2010’s, let’s look at what happened in the 2000s:

-The Y2K scare. I’m not sure if Todd would have been tech-savvy or would have bought into that theory, so I think this could be crossed out.

-September 11th 2001. Yeah, I think this incident would make someone uneasy about flying for several years.

-The war that occurred afterward. I don’t recall if the Arabian Peninsula was on Adia’s map, but every time a war happens, it usually puts people off from traveling out of country or in certain areas. Also, it was an awful time for a lot of people for various reasons.

-The 2008 economic recession. I recall that being an uneasy time, and I could see that as one reason why Todd would have stayed with the job he had. Especially if people were losing their homes or it was hard to get a house during this time. Furthermore, I could see the recession having a major negative impact on Brighton.

-Scratch mentioned that he didn’t pursue romance and the show bible said that it was because he was afraid of heartbreak. It could be because he was already shy/withdrawn to begin with, but there’s other factors that could have come from real life events. If he was LGBTQ plus, then that was still a bit of a hot topic in the 2000s (and assuming Brighton is in Illinois, same-sex marriages weren’t legalized until 2013, in which case it would have been too late for Todd to try to pursue anyone). I imagine that Brighton also wouldn’t have been inviting for romantic potentials, not to mention that the recession wouldn’t have helped. Also, I remember there was an over-emphasis on fitness and  physical appearances and how men and women should look like (in order to be considered attractive) that continued into the 2010s for a time. (I can still recall when fast food chains used models to promote their food). Todd would not have fit those ‘standards.’ (Plus I don't think he'd be too willing to give up food to try to obtain a look that is near impossible to achieve, but it might explain the weird abs obsession in that one episode).

And with these factors, it makes me wonder just what Adia was up to work-wise, because I can’t imagine traveling would have been too popular during the 2000s for reasons I already stated, and YouTube (or the equivalent of YouTube in TGAMM) wasn’t doing sponsors for much of its first decade. Unless she was lucky to get a job that allowed her to travel.

Side note–phones that could do face times existed as early as 2010/2011, so that adds to the timeline of exactly when Todd would have lost his soul.

[gx-gameon]

Part 5 of Yugi raising Jaden

Start - previous - next

Mokuba had been kind enough to send them a car to come and pick them up. The drive was far shorter than the walk would have been. The three sat in relative silence on the way over. All thinking about what was to come once they reach Kaiba Corp.

The building was impressive. Jaden had never seen a building that tall and now he, Yugi, and Joey were going to head inside. But only he and Joey were going to leave.

Jaden didn’t want to admit the anxiety he was feeling. He’d already been abandoned by one set of parents. He knew Yugi wasn’t leaving forever. He had promised, even giving Jaden one of his cards so that Jaden knew he was coming back. But that didn’t mean Jaden wanted him to go in the first place.

When they arrived at the building Joey hopped out of the car with ease. Yugi moved to follow him, planning to help Jaden out once he was outside the car, when a little hand stopped him. He turned to see Jaden who now had a death grip on his shirt.

“Hey bud.” Yugi kept his voice soft. “Want me to pick you up?” Jaden gave a stiff nod, but it was all the confirmation that Yugi needed. He leaned forward and scooped up the little boy, carefully shuffling them both out of the car.

He could hear the driver radioing to Mokuba that they had arrived. He couldn’t hear Mokuba’s reply but the driver told them to head inside and that the younger Mr. Kaiba would meet them soon.

Yugi lead the way inside. Jaden was clinging to him, his little arms and legs wrapped tightly around Yugi’s neck and waist. His face buried into the crook of Yugi’s neck. And Yugi wished he didn’t have to leave him. His boy was scared. Jaden wouldn’t admit it but Yugi could tell he was scaring his son. But Kaiba needs to return, Mokuba needed his big brother, and Yugi needed answers about Jaden’s past. There was no way he couldn’t go. But the fear his little one was experiencing made him wish there was another way.

“Yugi you’re here! Are you ready to- oh.” Mokuba came running towards them. His excitement to get his brother back clear in his voice, but he cut himself off when he got a good look at them. At Jaden clinging to Yugi like a koala.

“Hey Mokuba. I’d like you to meet Jaden.” Yugi greeted their younger friend before turning his attention to the little boy in his arms. “Jaden,” he gently coaxed the boy to raise his head. “This is my friend Mokuba Kaiba.”

Jaden turned his attention to the 12 year old standing in front of them. Mokuba looked at the kid with a bit of awe. It was weird to see Yugi as a father. Not a bad thing, but Mokuba had lost his parent when he was so young, and Gozaburo was anything but fatherly. So Mokuba didn’t have any real ruler to measure fatherhood by. He was practically raised by Seto. But watching as Yugi gently introduced his son to him. As he coaxed him out of hiding and got the boy to smile and laugh, every movement was gentle and kind, as Yugi always was. It made him have a weird feeling in his stomach.

“Uh It’s nice to meet you.” Mokuba remembered his manners just in time to greet the now waving little boy. “Yugi are you ready to go?” He wanted to get this conversation back on track.

“I am. Jaden is going to stay with Joey.” Yugi explained nodding his head towards Joey who shot Mokuba a little two finger salute.

“Hey Mokuba.” He greeted casually.

“Hey Joey.” Mokuba returned the greeting but his eyes quickly tracked back to the little boy in Yugi’s arms. He had to be about the same age Mokuba was when he was adopted by Gozaburo. Mokuba couldn’t imagine going through that without Seto. But seeing how Jaden clung to Yugi the same way Mokuba used to cling to Seto, before Gozaburo worked his teachings into Seto’s heart, it made him realize something.

Yugi was Jaden’s Seto, Jaden’s protector. Mokuba was 12 years old and he still hated when Seto left him for to long a time period, one of the many reasons he was so desperate to bring Seto home, be he knows he was even worse when he was younger. Now he’s the one asking Jaden’s protector to abandon him. How was that fair? But no one else could go after Seto. There had to be something he could do to make this easier on the kid.

“They can stay here.” Mokuba practically shouted at them, taking Yugi and Joey back. Mokuba quickly realized what he had done and tried to regain control of himself. “Like we talked about earlier Jaden and Joey can stay here with me. That way they can get updates on your progress.” This way Jaden could know his protector was safe, and that he was coming home.

Yugi seemed to understand what Mokuba was offering. Mokuba wouldn’t put it past Yugi to know exactly why he was offering it to, he was just that good at reading people. Especially the Kaiba brothers. Yugi’s face softened. “That would be great Mokuba.” He replied before pivoting to Joey, “if it’s alright with you.”

“You kidding. We get to keep an eye on you and live off of rich-boy dime? Sign me up.” Joey was always great at keeping the mood light. While he would never pass up the opportunity to mess with Kaiba, he knew having a tab on Yugi would greatly decrease his own anxiety about the whole thing. And he was sure that it would help Jaden to.

“Then it’s settled. You to can stay with me until Yugi gets back. Now let’s head up.” Mokuba lead them to the elevator that took them to the top floor of the building, that is where the base of Kaiba’s devise lay.

The whole way up his eyes kept traveling to Yugi and Jaden. Yugi was quietly talking to the boy. Telling him stories about his other trips to Kaiba Corp, or just reassuring him that all would be well. And suddenly that funny feeling was back in Mokuba’s stomach.

It wasn’t until Jaden laughed at something that Yugi said, the two smiling softly at each other that Mokuba put together what he was feeling. He was jealous. Yugi had only had Jaden for a short time but he was already taking to the role of his father. He was kind and reassuring. Just in the short time that Mokuba had known about Jaden he could tell that Yugi already put the boy ahead of everything, as his only hesitation in chasing after Seto had been his concern for Jaden.

It made Mokuba wonder what it would have been like to grow up with such a comforting presence. He wondered how his life would have been different. How Seto would have been different, if they had ended up with a man like Yugi rather than a man like Gozaburo. Would Seto smile more? Would he still call him Moky? Mokuba loved his brother, and knew he worked hard for them to have the lives they did, but sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if they had stayed at that orphanage. And now watching Yugi and Jaden, he can’t help but wonder about what would have happened if someone like Yugi adopted them.

“You okay Mokuba?” Yugi asked drawing Mokuba back to the present. He looked up to see all three boys staring at him with varying degrees of worry.

“Yah, why?” Mokuba tried to shake it off. He was fine after all.

“Um, cause we’re at the top dude.” Joey said pointing to the open elevator doors. Mokuba’s cheeks burned. Oh he had really zoned out there huh.

“Mokuba it’s okay if you’re worried about Kaiba. We understand.” Yugi tried to reassure him, but Mokuba shook it off.

“There’s nothing to worry about.” That’s a lie. Why would he have dragged Yugi into this if he wasn’t worried, but Mokuba had been more concerned with covering up why he had zoned out. Now that the words have left his mouth though he realized how dumb they sounded and-

“You’re right.” Jaden spoke with confidence. “Yugi’s going to bring Mr. Kaiba back so there’s nothing to worry about, because Yugi always comes back to me.”

And Mokuba remembers having that level of confidence in Seto. He had that confidence in Seto when he left, but it’s been a month now… no Jaden was right. They were coming back. Yugi would bring Seto back. Because Yugi always comes back for Jaden and Seto always comes back for Mokuba.

“You’re right Jaden. Yugi will bring Seto back no problem.” Mokuba agreed. Yugi had never let Mokuba down. He wouldn’t start now, not with his own son’s faith in the line.

Mokuba turned and lead them towards the machine that would take Yugi to another dimension, to the afterlife.

Yugi was starting to get nervous. Having Jaden and Mokuba’s unwavering faith was nice. He just hoped he could live up to it.

Mokuba walked over to a machine on the side of the room and picked up a bracelet like thing. “Here Yugi hold out your wrist.” He called as he walked back over to them. Yugi balanced Jaden on his hip and held out his dominant hand (the one his duel disk wasn’t strapped to). Mokuba clasped the devise around his wrist and the thing lit up with a soft purple glow. “This will keep track of your vitals while you’re in the other dimension.” Mokuba explained.

Yugi nodded along understand the importance of such a device. He then watched as Mokuba made his way to the center of the room. A pod like devices sat in the center, it had a triangular shape with the point coming to the front and widening as it went back. The top had a dome like structure and he could see a chair inside of the contraption. Mokuba clicked a button and the machine opened up, the top separating from the bottom in front and raising up like a clam shell would.

“This is the how you’ll get to the other dimension. Once you’re inside we’ll start the sequence to send you after Seto.” Mokuba explained.

“So I guess this is it then?” Joey said as he walked over to Yugi and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Be careful out there.”

Yugi smiled brightly back at his friend. “When am I not?”

Joey chuckled. “I mean it Yug. I won’t be there to watch your back.” He paused then making sure he had his friend’s attention. “Just come back safe, and bring rich boy with you.” he tired to make it light with a joke at the end but his worry was bleeding through.

Yugi smiled warmly at his friend. “I’ll come back. Nothings going to stop me.” He then turned his attention to the little boy in his arms. He could see tears welling up in Jaden’s eyes but the boy wasn’t letting them fall yet. “Hey” he called to bring the boys attention to him. “I’m coming back. This isn’t ‘goodbye,’ it’s ‘I’ll see you soon.’ I promise.”

Jaden gave a shaky nod and a weak smile. “Okay.”

Yugi reach his free hand up and tangled it into Jaden’s hair, bring the little one’s forehead close and pressing a kiss to it. “I love you, Jaden. I’ll be back soon.”

Jaden wrapped his arms tightly around Yugi’s neck giving him one final hug. “I love you to.”

Joey moved to stand next to Yugi. With a little prompting Yugi got Jaden to release his grip and move over to Joey’s open arms. Joey propped Jaden on to his hip and shot a big smile at the boy and then at Yugi.

“You’ve got this Yug! We’ll be here waiting when you come back.” Joey cheered as he did a fist pump with his free hand. Then he turned his attention to Jaden, “right littlest buddy?” He said it with a confident smile and a warm tone encouraging Jaden.

The little boy followed his lead sending a big smile Yugi’s way and a little cheer. “Yep! Yugi always comes back.”

Yugi smiled back and moved to take his seat in the devise.

“Alright, we need to get to the control room.” Mokuba called leading Joey and Jaden away. Leaving Yugi alone for a moment while they got everything into position. His hand found its way to his deck, his fingers dancing over the lid as he sent a silent plea for strength and protection to his cards. He could feel their spirits rising to meet him, offering comfort and support. He could do this. He’d get there, find Kaiba, and come home.

“Yugi can you hear me?” He heard Mokuba call over the loud speakers. He looked up and he could see a glass panel on one of the walls that lead to the control room. He could see Mokuba standing next to the glass with Joey and Jaden next to him. Joey was pointing down at the pod and talking to Jaden, before he and the boy both waved to Yugi.

He smiled up at them and waved back. “I can hear you Mokuba.”

“Good. The pod is going to launch you up into the other dimension. Once you’re there a dimensional clone of the pod will stay where you landed. You need to find Seto and his pod. Once you do, get him into his pod and hit the return button, it’s the green one on the right.” Yugi looked over and saw a bright green button on the right of his pod. Thankfully it was the only green button there. “Once Seto is back you can head back to your pod. Just be carful if the pod gets destroyed I don’t have another way to bring you back.”

Yugi could hear the sound of a raised voice but couldn’t hear what they were saying. Looking up though he could see Joey looking at Mokuba and talking very animatedly, so he guessed that Joey was making his displeasure at that news known. “I understand.” He called to get them back on track. “Any time limit I need to worry about?”

“Nope. Just get home soon.” Mokuba responded over the noise on the other line.

“Got it. Well I’m off then. See you guys soon.” Yugi put as much confidence into his voice as he could, wanting to calm both Joey and Jaden’s nerves.

The pod lid closed down around him. He could hear the count down and then suddenly he was thrusted upwards. The glass lid of the pod allowed him to see what looked like space rushing by him at an incredible speed. The force knocking him back into his chair and he had to appreciate Kaiba’s decision to have the chair in a laid back position or else this pressure would be unbearable.

Then just as quickly as it started it ended. The scene in front of his pod was that of a beautiful blue sky. He opened up the pod and looked around and was hit with some serious déjà vu as the desert sand and scenery reminded him of the memory world. He could see a city and palace not far from him and had a feeling deep in his chest, one he almost forgot how it felt, that Atem was there.

He was going to see Atem again.

[weirdestbooks]

Secret States Chapter 28

Worry (Wattpad | Ao3)

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District of Columbia was not acting like Nebraska expected her to. She was usually the one who worried and worried and worried over everything until she had thought of all the ‘what ifs.’

But she wasn’t doing that. She was strangely calm about everything. Nebraska thought at first that maybe she was dissociating again, but she wasn’t. It was strange, and it wasn’t helping his anxiety. 

Nebraska felt like every country was trying to target them now. It was an unreasonable fear, sure, but Nebraska has had issues with anxiety and paranoia for a long time. It was an issue that made it very hard for him to deal with things like this without panicking. Normally, Nebraska took comfort in District of Columbia going over every scenario so Nebraska could be reassured that he could be prepared for any situation, but she wasn’t doing that, and he hated it, and it wasn’t normal.

Was District of Columbia okay? Stealing his nerves, Nebraska approached my sister, hoping that he wouldn’t irritate her by attempting to figure out what was wrong.

“Hello, Nebraska.” District of Columbia said, a strand of her hair falling into her face as her fingers tapped rapidly over her keyboard.

“Hey, Dee. Are you okay?” Nebraska asked. She paused in her typing and gave him a confused look.

“Yes? Why are you asking?” District of Columbia asked, confusion plain in her tone.

“Because you are acting weird and not freaking out over the what-ifs of everything like you normally do. It’s…unnerving.” Nebraska said, internally wincing at his last sentence. He definitely could have worded that better.

“I don’t always do that.” District of Columbia insisted.

“Yes, you do. Especially if something bad is about to happen, like now.” Nebraska pointed out. District of Columbia frowned.

“Nothing bad is going to happen.” District of Columbia said. Nebraska scoffed at that.

“Dee, come on, I know you. You have to realize that something bad is going to happen. We’re not popular, and it's only a matter of time before someone tries something. What if they find out what happened to you and try to use it against you? You might not be the government, but you are the capital district, and that’s a good enough reason to make someone target you.” Nebraska said. District of Columbia flinched, and Nebraska saw her close her eyes.

“Please don’t mention that.” District of Columbia said quietly. Nebraska felt guilt grow in his stomach. He knew bringing that up was a bit of a low blow, but he needed to know what his big sister felt about all this. She didn’t seem bothered, and that scared him. She was always nervous or bothered about something.

“Sorry Dee…I’m just worried.” Nebraska said. District of Columbia sighed.

“I can’t think of any of us who aren’t. But…things will work out. Hurting one of us would provoke anger and possibly a war. Few are dumb enough to attempt that. And it's not like we were the best-kept secret. I…if I overthink things, I’m just going to make my paranoia worse. So I'm trying not to do that. You should try it, too.” District of Columbia said. Nebraska began tapping his fingers against his leg, a nervous habit he had developed.

“This is me trying, Dee. I just…there’s a lot we want to keep private. Certain events, yes, but also certain people who are still alive when they shouldn’t be. It’s only a matter of time before something goes wrong with that. I know you’ve never trusted that he’s changed. Dad may think so, but he also saved Dad’s life.” Nebraska said, keeping his voice quiet, afraid of the reaction of certain states if they heard this.

“And you don’t think that’s trustworthy?” District of Columbia asked, looking Nebaksa over with inquisitive eyes.

“I don’t think he did it with good intentions. Dad’s let him know more than I think she should. If someone finds out about him, or he goes to someone, he has a lot of secrets he can tell.” 

“I never pegged you as one to think that way.” District of Columbia said. Nebraska scowled; not sure if that was an insult or a compliment.

“His people hurt my twin. I’ve never liked him, and I’ve kept an eye on him because of it. I don’t have proof something is wrong…but I feel like there is. At the very least, I want someone—not the South, they’re biased, but someone to keep an eye on him.” Nebraska said, crossing his arms.

“He’s already left Braska. He told Bama he wanted to ‘lie low.’ I don’t know where he is now.” District of Columbia said. Nebraska groaned and pressed his hands into his face before exhaling a slow breath. His anxiety grew, and he didn’t know if he wanted to cry or scream.

“Can I hug you, Dee?” Nebraska asked. District of Columbia nodded slowly. Nebraska slowly pulled her into a hug, moving slowly so as not to trigger any of her PTSD. Maryland did that once. It was terrifying to see.

“Sorry about being pushy.”

“You aren’t pushy. Just worried. I think everyone is, no matter how much we try to hide it. However, as much wrong could happen from this, there are positives. Old grudges and incidents can be put to rest. Ana is already planning to work through the issues she and her aunt have. Vermont gets to figure out where he stands with Canada, and New England will probably commit murder.” 

“While dressed like a bunch of boys going to church on Sunday,” Nebraska commented, causing District of Columbia to laugh as she pulled away.

“The day they aren’t dressed like that is a day of extreme concern for me.” District of Columbia said.

“What are you typing, anyways?” Nebraska asked, looking at her computer to see a half-written email.

“Informing the states who are back in their states what’s going on. And Kalahui, although she never seems to read my emails. Ever.” District of Columbia said. Nebraska laughed.

“That's Kalahui for you. Not a fan of any of us. I’m glad she’s started to warm up to us, though. She’s a very ambitious and nice girl when she isn’t yelling about how you ruined her life before she was born.” Nebraska commented. District of Columbia slapped him lightly on the arm.

“Be nice, ya Cornhusker. Kalahui is well within her right to not like us.” Nebraska raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

“Alright, alright, I know. You are very good at thinking of others. You know that?”

“I know. I’ve never been allowed to have time for myself. Why don't you see if you can get in contact with Confederacy if you are so worried? I have things I need to do after this letter.” District of Columbia said. Frowning slightly at the dismissible, Nebraska turned to leave, shooting one last worried glance at his sister.

Nebraska really did hope she was alright.

[coro-chan6]

Somehow Supernatural

Chapter 2: It's All Starting to Feel Real

Tags: poc!oc, gn!oc, teen!oc, panic attack, heavy cursing, Dean always needs his own warning, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety, Cas not taking a hint, Deanstiel (or whatever the fuck Dean and Cas's ship name is), general chaos

Summary: The Winchesters and Cas have a meeting about Casey. It doesn't go too well, and Casey realizes what shit their stuck in.

Words: 2,675

I kinda felt like I was gonna vomit. Not because I needed to vomit, but because my tum-tum was doing flips and turns like a fucking rollercoaster due to my crippling anxiety. Usually, I would do little exercises that helped me regulate like my mom taught me, but that just reminded me that I was in a different universe where I might not be able to see my mom - or anyone I knew in real life - ever again. These consistent, little thoughts did not help my already upside-down stomach.

I was sitting in the bunker, in the room with the table that has the big map of the world. I liked to call this room the “meeting room” when I watched the show because… they met people in the meeting room. Come on, it was like the foyer of the bunker so everyone had to pass through it to fight and argue and shiz.

Anyway, I was sitting in the meeting room surrounded by men that I never thought I’d ever meet in person. Maybe the reason for my anxious tum was because of the “omg-smexy-men-are-staring-at-me” effect. If so… give me an anxiety stomach ache every day.

Dean sat straight across from me at the map table. Even though he wasn’t in pouncing position anymore, he was still on guard; which, I mean, valid. All that shit he’s gone through definitely made him a tough cookie. 

Castiel was standing right behind Dean’s chair like a guardian angel. I mean, literally right behind. He was basically breathing down the hunter's neck. Maybe he liked the smell.

And Sam.

Oh. Sammy. Boy!

He had his ass sat directly on the table and was staring at me in wonder. Sam’s hair was hanging in his face at an angle that was just… perfect. It was also the perfect length, not short enough to make him look like he was 15 and not long enough where he looked crusty. Did I mention that he looked fucking perfect? Honestly, if I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought Sam was the angel.

No offense, Cas.

All three attractive men were gathered around the meeting table to discuss me. Me! I was kinda feeling myself and basking in the attention that I was getting from multiple hot men before I realized something a bit alarming.

Dean, Castiel, and Sam… were deciding what to do with me. I wouldn’t put it past Dean if he decided to kill me or abandon me in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. He doesn’t seem like the type to have a father instinct for just some random teen.

…or maybe whoever’s body I’m occupying is important to him.

“Y’all gonna talk or just stare?” I asked. Yes, during my whole internal monologue full of ogling men and withering away from anxiety, not a single person talked. They gave each other looks, but they didn’t utter a word. 

Someone finally decided to speak up after realizing how weird they were being.

“So…” Sam started. He had his hand thoughtfully under his chin. I thought I might mention it because it almost took me out, “You just appeared out of nowhere?”

“I mean, I guess so. I’m just as confused as you guys are,” I spin in my chair, “Honestly, I thought I was just having one of my regularly scheduled psychedelic dreams but then, I woke up with Dean in my face.”

“A dream?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, dude, a dream. I was basically floating in this void and then I started hearing someone telling me to wake up and then… Dean’s face.” I took another twirl in my chair. 

The guys looked like they were trying to solve a puzzle. They had their thinking caps on full blast, you should have seen their faces. 

“Did you try the usual holy water, sliver, cross stuff?” Sam turned to Dean in question.

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

I get trying to make sure I’m not a bad type of baddie, but he could have used his non-dominant hand so it wouldn’t be as hard cause damn. That shit really hurt.

“They didn’t try to attack you?” Sam continued.

“No.”

“Then, I think we should be good for now. We can let them stay here since they seem discombobulated,” Bless you, Sam. You’re the greatest of all these fuckers.

“But if they try anything, they're out,” Cas nodded along with Dean’s words. The angel barely even looked like he was listening to what Dean was actually saying, “And if we figure out you were lying about who you are, I will find a way to send you to hell. Trust me.” 

Go shit on a brick, Dean. And you too Cas, agreeing with Dean like a lost puppy. 

“Okay…” I muttered. I didn’t really like the idea of dying, especially if it was in someone else’s body, but what could I have done? Said no? Been kicked to the curb? I’m not really worth anything to them so-

…wait.

“You never told me, whose body is this?” 

All of a sudden, it got a little awkward. Sam’s cheeks were pink and Dean was avoiding my eyes. Even Cas looked a little weird.

“Well-” Dean started.

“We-” 

“Sam found the kid on a hunt and couldn’t help but save them. They almost died, but Sammy got Cas to heal them,” Dean blurted. Sam’s face turned a dark red now that the truth was out to the masses.

“W-well you cared about them enough to train them!” Sam retorted. Now it was Dean’s turn for a red face. 

“You brought them stacks of books!”

“You made them your big bacon breakfast…three times! I can barely get you to cook for me!”

“You eat salad. I’m not making a fucking salad for a meal!” 

“It’s good for your body! Your body will rot away from all the red meat you eat!”

“At least I’m not eating rabbits' food!”

“You know,” Cas finally piped up, “The kid was bound to die.”

Silence. Damn, dude. That was a bit harsh, wasn’t it? From what I heard just now, the Winchester brothers really liked this kid. It kind of makes me feel bad for pushing them from their own body, but… what was Cas saying?

“They were meant to die the night of the hunt. Right on the floor of their living room where you found them. It was their fate. It was a miracle I was able to heal them and it was almost impossible for them to survive a month like they did,” Sam and Dean were getting pissed. Castiel - bless his heart - didn’t seem to notice, “They were never supposed to have formed relations with you two because you weren’t supposed to meet them while they were still alive.”

Poor Cas and his sucky communication skills. Now due to his harsh words, the angel’s collar was being winkled by Dean’s man hands. Castiel didn’t look alarmed at all. I wasn’t sure if it was because Dean was a mere human or because the majority of the Supernatural fandom was right about these two.

“Shut up,” Dean seethed. Sam was hovering behind Dean either waiting his turn to get a lick in or making sure Dean didn’t take it too far. I was now feeling really bad because this was all making a bit of sense. I finally understood why Castiel didn’t seem fazed by my sudden appearance, why he’s been saying all this shit about how this person should be dead already.

Speaking of Castiel, he was just letting Dean choke him up against the table. I knew he didn’t really need my help in the situation, but I was starting to feel a little awkward just sitting there. It’s way different seeing these men fight when they’re on screen and I’m in a whole other world looking like a mole rat on my couch. 

With courage that I didn’t know I had, I muttered, “Guys… I need to take a shit. Real bad.”

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at me in… surprise? Disgust? Both? It didn’t really matter what they thought of my statement, all that mattered was Castiel’s insensitive words were forgotten. For now.

Fingers combing through his hair, Sam sighed, “Come on then,” he said, walking off. He expected me to follow him and I did. To the best of my ability. He’s got long fucking legs, so he’s got even longer fucking strides. I had to practically run and I’m of average height!

Sam finally stopped at the door to the bathroom. I didn’t actually have to shit, but I figured I could use this opportunity of aloneness to recoup, realign, and do all things zen. 

Closing the door to the bathroom, I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad weird yet, but it was weird. I never thought I would travel to a different universe. I never thought I would ever meet the Winchesters. I never thought I would get to walk with my own two feet - mostly - through the bunker that I’ve adored for years. 

What the hell brought me here? I wasn’t really complaining, but I still have to wonder. Was this planned? Was this person’s body kept alive for me to go in it? Do I have to save this world somehow? Am I connected to something here? Was this fate like Castiel mentioned?

I sat on the toilet seat feeling pretty lost. I wasn’t sure why it was so bright in the fucking bathroom, but it was bothering me so I slammed my face onto my lap. It was dark and warm and what I really needed at the moment. 

I know, a really sharp change in my emotions, but that’s just how it be sometimes. Perhaps being alone right now wasn’t the best decision. Usually, being alone worked, but now it felt like there were 20-pound weights on my shoulders, and it was getting kind of hard to breathe. It was also really hot, so I started squirming on the toilet seat like that was gonna cool me off.  I don’t know what I thinking because that’s not how heat works.

Then, I thought I could sit on the floor and continue my deep ponder about how the fuck I got into this situation, but I finally realized I was having a panic attack and didn’t really want to move. I found that if I moved, I would black out or it would be 10 times worse, but who knows, maybe this body works differently.

So, I moved to the floor. The floor was nice and cool, but then I started thinking about spiders because I was on the floor in an underground bathroom and spiders here really made sense. I wanted to get back on the toilet, but my body didn’t wanna listen. So now, I was a lump of a human on the bathroom floor that was probably shivering, but I couldn’t really feel my body anymore.

I wonder why when my body’s panicking my thoughts are calmer than when my body’s not panicking. It doesn’t really make sense. Like, none of my thoughts were screaming at me or telling me to do stupid shit. They were just calmly saying stuff like ‘you should get up’ or ‘there might be spiders here’ or ‘your probably gonna die, but take your time’. 

Yeah, the calm thoughts were definitely worst.

Now I recognized the feeling of tears falling down my face and I felt pretty pathetic. I mean, what the fuck was I crying for? Nothing was wrong. They hadn’t killed me yet. I’d always wanted to travel to another world, but I guess my body couldn’t take it. Wait! This wasn’t even my fucking body!

“So goddamn pathetic,” I wheezed. My right cheek was pressed against the floor and when I talked I could feel the tears smearing all over the place and it gave me the ick, but I couldn’t stop myself from crying. 

I love to mention the fact that I have a superiority complex, but I never talk about the opposite of that. My dandy ‘you’re a fucking loser and will never do anything in your life’ complex. It always sneaks up on me at the worst times, like when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself in another universe for crying out loud, and makes me feel more worthless than - fucking - everything. It makes me wanna crawl into a hole and never come back out.

Feeling worthless and having a panic attack simultaneously isn’t the best. It means not only can you not breathe, but you also don’t feel like trying. So, I laid on the floor of the bathroom and didn’t do any of the breathing exercises that my therapist taught me. I just waited to black out.

“Hey, kid, you doing okay in there?” Sam’s voice sounded so far away. I could barely hear it. My lungs were starting to hurt from lack of air, so I curled my aching body into a pathetic little ball.

Pathetic.

“Did you hear me?” Sam sounded. I didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t surprised when I heard his footsteps getting farther from the door. Of course, he would abandon me. Even I would abandon myself. I was so damn pathetic that I didn’t deserve to be cared for.

Bang!

“Kid! What the hell?” Sam’s voice was now closer. Was it odd that I could smell him? Was I really that desperate for someone that I was imagining things?

So fucking pathetic.

Strong arms lifted me off the floor. I was now pushed against a firm chest and not cold tiles. I don’t think I was imagining this, but I wasn’t gonna get my hopes up. I couldn’t see much because of the tears, so I just snuggled deeper into Sam’s flannel.

More footsteps approached. More voices.

“What the hell happened?”

“They were in the bathroom and I heard sobbing, but they wouldn’t answer the door.”

“Are they hurt?” 

“No, I think they’re having a panic attack.”

“A what?”

“A panic attack, Dean. I’m just gonna get them to lay down somewhere other than the floor.”

“The floor? Did they pass out?”

Sam brushed my hair back to see my face, “Maybe. They’re awake now.”

When we got to the couch, Sam put me down and crouched in front of me. He was looking into my eyes while I was trying to look at his. 

“Breathe with me,” Sam whispered gently. 

I tried to do what he said, but my lungs were burning. Every breath I tried to take would come out shaky or devolve into a sob. Sam slowly took my hands, giving me a chance to pull away, and continued breathing with me. It took a while, but soon I was breathing steadily and my crying had stopped.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

I nodded.

“You want some water?” 

I nodded again.

“Dean?” Sam turned to his brother that was standing behind him, “Mind getting them some water?”

Before Dean could move Castiel appeared with a glass of water in hand. I hadn’t even noticed he had left. The angel handed me the glass and while I gulped it down, he stayed hovered over me. He looked really worried, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Does this happen a lot?” Sam questioned. His hand was still holding one of mine. It was comforting.

“Yeah,” I croaked, “No big deal.”

“Is there something wrong with them?” The shorter brother asked.

“Nah, I’m just kinda sensitive,” I huffed, “Kind of hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with that in this body.”

“Sorry you have to,” said Sam, “I know how it feels.”

Well, well, well. One of my personal headcannons was true. 

I gave Sam a smile and finally let go of his hand. I didn’t really wanna talk about this anymore.

“So, you guys got anything to eat?”

I used my own experience with panic attacks to write the scene in this chapter, so if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

AN: loved this chapter sm. I really like the tone of this fanfiction and I'm gonna try to keep it like this so when it gets dark... well- it doesn't get too depressing.

Hope you enjoyed!

[centipede-anon]

Chapter 2 under the cut

Peppino woke up surprised that he even woke up at all. The place he woke up in was unbeknownst to him, however. It was soft and squishy and very warm. Despite the oddity, it was a nice break from the constant cold. Though he needed food, very quickly. He started feeling around to find an exit, though the walls glowed, it was a faint glow. It reminded him of the stars in a way.

As he kneaded the floor and walls to find some sort of exit or something, he started to hear a loud purring sound. He tried reasoning that there was some large animal nearby but that reasoning didn’t go any further as soon as he felt and heard a growl, a stomach’s growl. He immediately started struggling. Whatever had eaten him and had a stomach this large would most certainly not care for his struggling and just saw him as more nutrition. Of course though, there was no acid in here, not that he realized it. Once Peppino gets into this sort of anxiety, he has a hard time realizing what’s going on.

After a while of struggling however, he feels a squeeze around him as he gets pushed upwards. The air outside is freezing and generally unpleasant. Almost as soon as Peppino is in this creature’s mouth, a massive hand grabs him and holds him in a firm grasp. He’s scared to open his eyes, but eventually he does.

What he sees isn’t a beast that he’s unfamiliar with, instead it’s… Fake Peppino? No it couldn’t be him. He was so big. “What… who are you? Are you that weird clone from the tower? What happened to you?” He asks many questions in his confusion, as Fake Peppino is currently about 50 feet tall. He remembers him being about 8 feet tall, an abnormal height for sure, but he was never this big. “!tol a etiuq noitisopmoc citeneg ym egnahc did noitaidar taht lla sseug I ?em rebmemer ton uoy oD”, he spoke in the same backwards way he remembers the clone speaking in. “So I’ll take that as you’re the same clone, but how’d you get so big? Actually, why am I even asking you? I wouldn’t understand what you’d say anyways.”

Fake Peppino looked quite sad at the fact that Peppino couldn’t understand him. Peppino crossed his arms in frustration at this before curling as best as he could in pain from hunger. “?gnorw s’tahW” Luckily, Peppino could interpret this from the tone of the other’s voice, “I’m so hungry… do you have any food?” Fake Peppino immediately put Peppino back in his mouth, but didn’t swallow him. The whiplash of the temperature hit Peppino like a truck as he curled in on himself further, “Bit of a warning next time!?” Fake Peppino simply whimpered in apology as he started running towards a cave he’d made into his home.

Fake Peppino brought his head to the ground and opened his mouth to let out Peppino when they got to where he puts everything he collects. Peppino looks around and steps out of the clone’s mouth. Inside this little section of the cave was some wood, luckily of the dry variety, a broken radio, and some other things that Peppino didn’t really care for. In the middle of this, however, was a whole bear that he guesses that the fake either killed or found and for some reason brought here.

Looking back, he sees Fake Peppino, hunched in his own home so he can fit. Fake Peppino nods towards the bear with a goopy smile to signify that he could eat it. Peppino immediately started searching around for something to cut the bear open with. Eventually, he finds a chef’s knife, I think this was actually one of his old ones before he threw it out the door at a thief. He cut into the bear to cut himself a loin. He took off the fur as well, don’t worry. With his minimal survival skills, Peppino started a small fire with the wood that was there. He cut tiny strands of wood off a log so the fire would have some better kindling, not the best knife for this but it was better than peeling wood with his hands. Afterwards, he made a sort of teepee shape with the wood, since it burns better in that shape. Then, he rubbed a stick between his hands and up against a log that he placed under the teepee with some kindling around it. He managed to get a small fire going and waited until it got bigger, then stuck the bear loin onto his knife and cooked it over the fire.

Fake Peppino looked really interested by this whole process and seemed to like the warmth of the fire even though it seems he was kinda immune to cold. While he was cooking, Peppino asked him a question, “So… why’d you eat me? I know you’re gonna say it backwards or something but… I don’t know, I guess I just wanna know that there was a reason.” Fake Peppino looked around before getting up. “Where are you going?” Peppino watched the other closely as Fake Peppino grabbed a large notepad. It was small for him, yeah, but he could write in it. He grabbed one of those comically large pencils and wrote something. He flipped the pad after a second, it had the words, “safe inside” on it. “Wh-what the! Safe!? You know that I could’ve died there, right?!” Peppino berated him. Fake Peppino shook his head no and pointed to the word safe again. “Dude, do you not know that that’s where things go to digest? I was lucky I didn’t land in acid and die!” Peppino yelled again. Fake shook his head again and flipped a page, he wrote down, “not stomach.” “What? What is it then?” Peppino asks a little more calmly, he flips the bear loin. Fake turns the page again and writes, “holding pouch”, he flips it again, “keep important stuff”. “Wait, wait, wait, a holding pouch? What do you just not have a need for food then? Or is your stomach much smaller?” Peppino looks very confused. Fake Peppino just nods his head yes.

Peppino gives him one more confused look before simply cooking the meat for the last few minutes. Eventually, it’s done and Peppino chows down. It tastes horrible and is tough, but food is food. He finishes it up and says, “Well, thanks for saving me… I guess. I have to get back to the pizzeria, the fire's almost out and it’ll be cold after. Can I take the bear also?” Fake Peppino gives him a look before writing, “not safe there, safe inside.” “I know it’s safer here, but… that place was my livelihood and it’s still my pride and joy. Don’t got anywhere else to go anyways”, Peppino explains. The Fale simply shakes his head no and wraps his tongue around Peppino. He swallows him down like he’s a pill or something. Peppino struggles a bit until he reaches his so-called “holding pouch”. He looks around and notices that the other was right, there’s no stomach acid. He kinda realizes that if there was acid he would’ve felt it when he woke up and felt around or would’ve died in his sleep.

The place was surprisingly clean, there was no saliva here and it was large, about that size of his restaurant’s lobby and maybe even a bit of the kitchen. Peppino’s still really tired, despite his nap that landed him in Fake Peppino the first time, he still felt exhausted. He found a fold in his pouch and nestled himself into it.

Just before he went to sleep Peppino said, “Hey… sorry for doubting you earlier. Sorry if I came off as mean also, I was really scared. So… sorry about that.” Fake Peppino purrs after hearing this. The soothing noise and the warmth and comfort of his pouch let him have a truly peaceful sleep for the first time in a while.

[ninjaneonleon]

Honestly, Leo was in awe of all the other versions of his family scattered around the large arena. He was pretty sure he’d seen some of them that looked human—he wasn’t sure how that was a thing—he’d seen a few that looked to be different species of turtle, and somewhere across the arena he had seen a version of himself covered in bandages with a dead look in his eye. That guy scared him. He hoped they didn’t come face to face. Even so, this whole competition was so cool!

Donnie had ridden his robot horse in the last heat, and of course it had exploded right at the finish line. The Leo he’d been riding against apparently had fallen off just before the finish line, meaning the two turtles crossed the line together without their horses. Leo had suspected the other Leo had been a little ahead of his Donnie but it was decided to be a tie. He wasn’t sure what that would mean for his team but Leo was more than happy to keep mingling while he waited to find out.

He spotted the duo watching the heat from the other stand. An older Leo and an older Mikey. They weren’t the only two older versions around but for some reason, they stood out to Leo. Maybe because they had been cheering on their little Leo with so much enthusiasm.

Being the analyst he was, Leo decided to see what he could figure out about them. First thing to note: malnutrition. They hadn’t been eating well for a long while. It made them seem older than they first appeared, especially the older Mikey with his white tufts of hair sticking out a little crazily out the side of this head. Without the malnutrition factors, Leo would place them to be in their fourties.

Big Leo kept glancing around and Big Mikey was tense, his hands twitching and his body ready. Huh. Anxiety maybe? Or wait, no, PTSD of some description. They were used to being in high-stress environments and this inter dimensional silliness was setting them on edge.

That trauma idea was further backed up when Leo realized that Big Leo had a stump for an arm and that one of Big Mikey’s legs was a prosthetic. It was weird though. Leo hadn’t been able to tell it was fake.

Wait, he just saw the toes on the prosthetic wiggle when Big Mikey stretched.

No. Way.

Leo’s body reacted before he realized what he was doing. He zapped closer to the duo, waving his arms to get their attention so he didn’t spook them. “Hey! Hi! Can I talk to you guys for a sec?”

Big Leo blinked then shrugged, hopping easily down from the stands. Big Mikey just floated down easily. Leo knew that his Mikey would manage to get that kinda thing, being able to float, under control eventually.

“Hey, uh, Leo? How can we help?” Big Leo asked.

“Hi! I think your team is against my team,” Leo started, flapping his hands to try and keep his energy in check. “I just have a weird question. Can I see your prosthetic?” He looked at Big Mikey, eyes wide and excited.

The box turtle looked stunned for a second before shifting and showing off the metal leg. It seemed to be connected directly to the stump somehow and Leo noted how the ankle joint definitely wouldn’t move like that without input. Oh Pizza Supreme, it was just as he thought!

“This is amazing! Is it controlled by your muscular structure or your nervous system? Is it heavy? It can clearly take some abuse. It’s been through a lot but it’s still running so smoothly. Oh, is it powered through kinetics or does it have an internal power system?”

Leo’s questions were cut off by a small snort. “Since when can any Leo speak technobabble?” Big Mikey joked. Then he took a breath. “Let’s start at the beginning. I’m Angelo, he’s Leon. We’re from a Kraang timeline. That’s how we lost our limbs.”

“What’s a Kraang?” Leo asked with a frown. He didn’t miss how the older turtles’ eyes widened but that wasn’t important right now. “Tell me later. I just need to know how you guys did it! That level of integration with your prosthesis isn’t going to be viable for decades! Maybe even a century! It’s so smooth and behaving like a normal limb.”

“Well, our Donnie—”

“Oh, shoot, right. Hold that thought.” Leo turned and picked out where his Donnie, covered with soot and somewhat bruised, was standing. “Fizzy!” Leo called before zapping over, grabbing Donnie, and zapping back. “Sorry, I know my twin will want to hear this too. Please continue.”

“Nardo, what are you doing? I was waiting for the resul— Oh. Is that—”

“A fully integrated prosthesis with a full range of natural motion, seemingly controlled by a nervous system? Yes, I believe it is,” Leo said as cut Donnie off with a grin. “That’s why I brought you over here. Angelo and Leon were about to explain.”

“You have my interest. Please continue.” Donnie gestured to the two older turtles, leaning against Leo. There was a pause as Leon and Angleo studied him and his twin. Angleo opened his mouth to say something when a bell cut him off.

“Attention, please. All ties will now be resolved by the tied teams teaming up! The next round is karaoke so everyone rest your voices!”

“Guess that means we’re a team now.” Leon chuckled. “C’mon. Let me grab our Leo and his bros and you can grab your brothers, then we can all get some food while Angelo explains the prosthetic.”

Leo lit up. “Awesome! C’mon, Fizz, let’s go!”

———————

So this has my and @geniusbuilttm version of Leo and Donnie meeting @newellthedragon ‘s future Leo and mikey. Go check out her stuff, it’s super cool!

Vote for Surp-rise! And An Arm and a Leg in @tmntausummit !

[fangmouf]

long part 1 of this kinda AU werewolf!eren thing where late bloomer older eren ( like 21 / 22 ) is slowly realizing his feelings for armin ( also 21 / 22 ) are changing. but the wolf in him knows and has known for a while.

thinkin i'll do some drawings for this too! i just loooove werewolf / shifter eren with all my heart

feel free to message about the AU or anything else

“What are you looking at?”

Armin’s hair drips into his face, blonde tresses dampened with river water. He’d leapt right off the bank after they'd finished their cleaning duties.

Four hours in the mess hall with Sasha and Jean, scrubbing and helping the chefs sort and rotate produce. It was hot out, and the trips from the stock carts to the kitchens left large dark sweat stains under their pits, down their backs. While Jean and Sasha wanted to go grab drinks with the rest of the squad, Armin walked off on his own with a wave. 

He didn't even think, and Armin didn’t even look back or ask - Eren just followed after him, his wolf whining excitedly. They didn't get a lot of time together, not where it was just the two of them anymore.

As soon as they split off from the residential area, Armin visibly relaxes. Eren knows he loves their friends, loves the people they fight for, but Armin’s always needed to separate from it all. He’s never himself with eyes on him, not his real self. Not the Armin that Eren knows.

He squirrells his joys away, safe from prying eyes and opinions. After a long day of working, he unbuttons his blue shirt with no shame. Eren’s wrists and upper arms hurt from scrubbing, and he doesn’t feel like swimming. They've never had to be doing the same thing to enjoy each other's company.

His wolf makes him circle in the shade cast by the chestnut - he's too tired to fight the urge - then drop to lean back against the trunk. His heart flutters when Armin giggles, tossing the blue cotton fabric so that it lands over his head, too quick for Eren to catch. Eren's growl is mock agitation - he hasn’t heard Armin laugh like that in what feels like forever. When he yanks the shirt from over his eyes, ready to ball it up and cast it back, he’s surprised into silence.

Armin’s pulling his pants down.

Well, of course he is. He’s about to go swimming. Eren blinks, watching the shift of his muscles as he undressed. His eyes trail down to Armin's butt. It's small but round as the waist of his pants slide off his hips. He has no hair on his stomach or near the band of his undershorts, unlike Eren. His skin looks soft and smooth to the touch. He doesn’t know why he notices. He’s seen Armin’s body before, it’s not unusual. Sharing the bunks and showers made it all kind of an everyday thing.

But this isn't a moment of necessity - this is just for fun. This is just them, alone. When did things get so...weird? Does Armin feel it too? It doesn’t seem like he does.

Before he can stop himself, he imagines nuzzling into his middle. It wouldn’t be strange, he’s done it before. But Armin had clothes on every time.

Would it really be so different? He doesn’t know why he thinks of that, either. His wolf whines at the fantasy, and Eren picks at the skin of his thumb to distract himself.

He tries not to be inappropriate, but while Armin lifts his legs out his garments, he peeks at his front. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before - they bathed and wrestled as children - but for some reason, his gaze seems wrong now. His wolf stirs with interest, and Eren can’t fool himself out of curiosity either. Just curiosity. The modest bump in his briefs shifts as Armin turns towards the water.

He imagines Armin reaching for the band of his underwear, and doesn’t understand why he leans forward at the thought.

Eren feels like he’s been eyeing him without blinking for so long. Is it him, or his wolf? He fears Armin’ll do that thing where he seems to know when Eren’s watching him, when he looks up and catches him in the act. The beast retreats in his mind for a moment as this anxiety overtakes him. He’s suddenly hit with a fiery embarrassment that prickles along his face, the tips of his ears, and down his back.

Armin always knows what he’s thinking and how to calm him down. This time, though - Eren doesn’t even know what he’s thinking. He isn’t sure he wants Armin sorting it out before him.

But he doesn’t look back as he wraps his pants around his forearm, drops them to the ground in a roll, and walks off to the water. So maybe it’s nothing weird.

Though Eren’s ears and palms are still warm, and his heart squeezes like something’s wrong. He doesn’t understand, and his wolf gives him nothing as it reemerges in his psyche.

Eren tries to calm himself as he watches Armin step into the river. His wolf seems agitated, pacing inside him. Without thinking, he raises the shirt to his nose and breathes in. The smell of Armin’s skin, his sweat - the stress and effort of the day’s scrub job within it. With the scent in his mind, he recalls the glances he stole while cleaning. Watching Armin from across the room, wondering why he wasn’t closer. His hair tied back with a plain white scarf, sweat beading on his forehead. Rubbing at his round nose when the chemicals irritated his senses. Laughing at Sasha’s complaints. The wolf growls, but settles.

He glances up to see Armin stepping out of the water. The banks are a little eroded, so he palms his way up the hill. He’s brushing the grit and sand off on his thighs as he nears. He smiles and waves as he approaches, like it’s not just the two of them, and he looks so happy. Round faced, smiley, real Armin-happy.

Eren feels that ache in his chest but ignores it, reaches his arms up in invitation. His wolf whines as Armin laughs and drops down beside them, leaning his damp body to Eren’s chest. He's soothed as they get comfortable together, though he can’t imagine what’s caused this strange mood. The day was fine, and Armin is here with him, just him, and happy. He hasn’t had a nightmare in months. He couldn't ask for more. He can't.

He’s left confused and hoping Armin can’t hear his heart thudding where he’s resting his head against his chest. Maybe he can feel it. If he can, Armin doesn’t complain.

We've always fit together, Eren thinks with a fondness so irrepressible he can't tell if it's his own or his wolf's. They almost begin to fight over the sentiment, but the beast yields in a rare act of submission. It's fine where it is.

Armin wiggles his toes happily as they dry, to some rhythm he must be imagining. His belly rises and falls as he breathes in the contented quiet. His skin is dappled in the sunlight that comes through the tree’s shade. If Eren cranes his neck, he can see when Armin scrunches his nose as he wipes the water that rivers down from his forehead, drips from his eyelashes.

He wants Armin to look at him. His wolf wants him to look at them. They’re in agreement, and Eren is about to follow the shared thought wherever it goes until-

“What are you looking at?”

He’s been caught, and he has no answer. That’s been happening a lot lately, too - Armin will speak to him, or look at him, and Eren thinks so fast or so slow that he just gives up on responding. He refuses to meet his eyes, though he wanted the exact opposite just a short while ago.

Armin raises a hand and Eren wordlessly, instinctually, clasps his hand with his own. He’s grown in the last few years, finally a young man, but his hands are still smaller than Eren’s. As Armin rests them against his belly, Eren feels the softness of his skin. Drops of water wet his knuckles at the touch. The wolf growls and Eren’s overtaken by the urge to pull Armin closer. He curls his arm across his neck in a headlock, and presses Armin tight to him. He doesn’t mean to be rough, and Armin only laughs again and pats his elbow twice when it’s too much.

Easing up, he buries his nose into the hair at the back of Armin’s head. He shuts his eyes and breathes him in, shamelessly. The natural smell of his body, the river water, the smell of his hair drying in the sun…

His wolf growls, unsatisfied, and leaves him alone in his head. Eren’s brows knit together.

What’s that mean? His wolf’s been distant and  strange around Armin. There’s no response to this question, either.

[rissararity]

Little Soldats - BuckyBarnes/OC

By RissaRarity

(NSFW, Dead dove do not eat. Rape/forced breeding, unprotected P/V sex, Non-consentual drug use, 18+ only)

CHAPTER SIX

The following day the shower was already running by the time Vanessa awoke.  She frowned as her hand fumbled around the empty side of the bed that was still warm.

She wondered who was in the shower- James or the winter soldier.

Anxiety settled firmly in her stomach as she packed up and set the bags by the door. Luckily she didn’t have to wait long for the water to turn off and soon the man emerged, dried and dressed casually, hair stylishly pushed back.

Kind sky blue eyes looked at her with a small smile, “Mornin’ Doll.”

She released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and said good morning back, grabbing the clothes she left out and swapping to take a shower as well while he packed and loaded the car – being sure to leave a grocery bag for her pajamas after her shower.

Before she knew it, they were in the car and on their way to New York – the final leg of their road trip.

James had been eerily quiet while he drove, the air in the car was tense. “Can I ask…” she began, making his eyes flick over to her for a moment.

“I know I never ask, and I’m probably better off in the dark but…you seem really…off today…what’s different about this target?”

He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “My final target…is different because it isn’t some traitor to Hydra or political figure, not a mafia scab or loose end...my final target could truly end up being my final target.”

Her breath caught as a pit formed in her stomach when she realized he was saying that realistically, he might actually die within the next few days…or even that day.

She didn’t ask, but after a beat he told her. “My final target is Captain America.”

Vanessa nearly puked.

She visibly paled and refrained from saying anything to keep from saying something that could make his nerves worse. What does one even say to that?

The silence in the car grew thick as she tried to think of something but nothing helpful came to mind.

“Can you get him alone?” she asked, knowing even Hydra wouldn’t send him against the entire team.

Right?

He sighed, “I’m gonna try.”

She nodded, chewing her lip nervously. “How’s the Soldat?”

“Just under the surface, honestly. He’s a little apprehensive but also excited for a good fight.”

James was sure the only reason he’d been able to hold out was because he was driving and still had to remain under the radar until they arrived.

It felt weird to be on the side of the bad guy and rooting for the death of Captain America but if it came down to one of them having to go…

She knew if the Soldier failed and died, Hydra would just send someone after her to tie up the loose end. She’d never be free so long as that branch of Hydra was functioning. The life she knew was gone and she’d long since accepted that.

The thought of losing James forever made her chest hurt in a way that surprised her, and filled her with nausea.

Playing it cool, she gave a small laugh, “I bet he’s ready for someone who might actually put up a good fight.”

James gave a small grin and amused exhale.

Vanessa had managed to diffuse the tension a bit and decided to tell him some more childhood stories to keep the mood relaxed. She chattered until she got weary and fell asleep.

--

She woke up  at sunset and found them parked in a motel lot.

Her partner sat stiffly in his seat, looking deeper into what she realized was NYC.

“James…” she softly touched his arm, flinching as his head snapped to look at her and she realized it was definitely not James.

“We will go get a room. You will do the talking.” He had no emotion in his eyes or voice as he spoke, eyes icy and sharp.

She nodded, “Okay.” Then nervously looked around at the shady neighborhood they were parked in. Homeless people gathered around fires in trashcans, gun shots and shouting in the distance, loud music blaring from several different places. People everywhere, either glaring or leaning down into car windows and batting eyelashes.

Vanessa gulped, wondering when the switch happened because James wouldn’t have picked this place.

They’d been staying in a few seedy areas but not like this.

“Just…please stay by my side as long as you can.” she actually felt safer with the Soldat in this moment. James would show a little bit of nervousness that would be perceived as weakness. The soldat had no such issue.

His eyes flicked around the surrounding area and he nodded, grunting. “I must protect the vessel.”

She set her jaw and nodded, relaxing a little when he lifted the side of his shirt to show a pistol in his waistband. He then suspiciously eyed the people who seemed to be lingering in the area from behind their tinted windows.

“Be wary of him,” he pointed at one man, “him, him, him, and her.”

She’d be wary of everyone but yeah, sure.

After another nod, they got out of the car and headed inside. Vanessa huddled under the Soldats arm immediately trying to appear casual as they crossed the lot.

The keeper seemed surprised they wanted a room for the night rather than a few hours but was happy to accept the cash the Soldat placed on the counter – “Not us.” He grunted, giving the bored looking clerk a look that could curdle milk.

“More than enough to satisfy the guarantee. Your stay will be uninterrupted – entirely. You just became a guest of The Hell Dogs, congrats.” He tossed a key on the desk after swiping the bills. “Now get out of here.”

The soldier grabbed the key, keeping one arm around his woman and steered them out of the dingy office.

He glared venomously at everyone that turned to stare at Vanessa who regretted opting for a sundress today.

The clerk whistled, leaning out from the glass door, “Ay man, they’re cool. They’re with us.”

The onlookers nodded and immediately lost interest, going back to whatever they were doing.

When they entered their room, she was surprised to find it wasn’t as bad as she expected though she bet it had something to do with the gang protection she was pretty sure the Soldat just paid for.

Admittedly,  she did feel a little better as they carried their bags inside. Those lingering outside the motel threatened those on the street that watched them and got them to look away.

They locked the door behind them and the Soldat immediately began to unpack what Vanessa felt was an unreasonable amount of guns.

She watched in silence for a bit before asking, “When do you leave?”

“Tonight, I make a show to draw him out. Tomorrow, I will find him.” He turned to look at her, “You will stay here, being quiet with the door locked and blinds closed. No one will bother you as long as you stay on Motel grounds.”

Pushing her hair nervously behind her ear she nodded, anxiety forming a pit in her stomach for multiple reasons.

“Will you stay for dinner?” she asked.

He gave a sickening smirk, “And dessert, before I go. Could be my last chance to complete this mission, wife.”

She took a step back as he stepped forward. “I’m locked in, baby doll. James can’t help you now.” His eyes raked over how her dress hugged her curves in a flattering way, the light material dangerously flimsy and the color making her eyes pop.

She kept backing up as her heart pounded, and he kept advancing still wearing the smirk that twisted her stomach.

Too soon, her back hit the wall and his metal hand closed around one of the straps of her dress. He snapped it like nothing, making her yelp and try to hold the fabric up to cover her chest only for him to force her to drop it.

His steel grip took her chin in his fingers and made her look up at him, completely undeterred by her teary eyes and trembling form.

“Think about it like this, Golubka, if I die they will test you before putting you down. If you’re pregnant,  you get to live for at least another nine months.” His cold thumb pressed against her lower lip, squishing it a little to see the plushness of it. Vanessa tried to wrench her face away but was unable to move more than a quarter of an inch, her eyes narrowed with anger.

“I see James allowed you to get comfortable and grow bolder. We’ll have to fix that, won’t we?” he smirked when he watched her anger melt into fear.

“That’s my good girl, so easy to placate.” His eyes stared into her soul with a dark fire in them that made her nauseous. “Maybe I’ll skip dinner this evening – the dessert is so tempting and I’ve been waiting so long for it.”

Her heart pounded, lip trembling as her eyes grew wet with tears. He glanced down at her trembling lip before grabbing her jaw roughly in his titanium grip and slanting his mouth over hers.

The Soldat’s flesh hand painfully squeezed her breasts, ignoring her whimpers and pleas against his lips. He kissed her deeply, groaning when she tried to wiggle away only for him to push his pelvis against her and keep her still.

“So little and weak…” he murmured, hand sliding down to push her panties down and slide his fingers up her dry slit. “Don’t make this harder for yourself. I’m going to complete this mission with or without your compliance- best not to make me angry.” He still gripped her jaw, hazy eyes meeting her wet ones.

To her surprise, he then took a step back and took his shirt off – giving her a moment to look at him before his eyes flicked expectantly to his belt. “Go on.”

Vanessa gulped, hands shaking as she hesitantly reached out and undid the buckle, then the button and zipper – peeling the jeans down to his ankles where he kicked them off, same with his underwear after he cleared his throat.

His huge cock sprung forth and nearly hit her in the face when she freed it.

She tried to stand back up but his metal hand pushed her shoulder down and forced her to her knees. “Ah ah ah, Golubka, open that pretty mouth for me.”

The beauty shook her head, “P-please…”

The Soldat gave a cruel laugh, “That’s not going to work tonight, malen’kaya shlyukha.” [Little whore]

He stared down at her deadeyed, daring her to act out or resist but smirked when tears slid from her eyes and she leaned forward, licking the underside of his shaft like James had taught her, swirling around the head afterward.

He groaned, grabbing the back of her head and only waiting a second before shoving her head down. She coughed and gagged as he rammed into her throat, making it budge slightly.

Vanessa used what James told her to keep her choking to a minimum, but drool dripped down her face as he roughly fucked her mouth. A slew of dirty Russian words came from him as she tried to bare it for as long as she could.

His hand gripped the back of her head and forced her up and down, watching more tears slide down her cheeks as he thrusted down, making her plant her nose in his pubes and deep throat him a few times.

She tried to pull off but only succeeded in making him gag her more, fingers painfully gripping her hair.

Her face, neck and chest were red when he finally released her, sending her collapsing onto her butt and coughing, wiping the drool onto the back of her arm on reflex.

“You’re so lucky I don’t want to deal with you tearing again.” He muttered, grabbing her hair like a leash and making her crawl over to the bed. The Soldat wanted to bend her over and take her like an animal, but he knew if he injured her there he’d have to suture, disinfect and a ton of bullshit he didn’t have time for.

They didn’t have medicines nor time to wait for her to heal. While he was somewhat of a monster he wasn’t entirely evil.

“On your back, eyes closed.” He grunted.

Vanessa scrambled up onto the bed, still gasping slightly and laid down, doing as he said. Her stomach flipped while she listened to him rifle through one of his bags, then tap on something before she felt a prick in her neck.

She cried as her body tensed for  a few long seconds before collapsing on the bed, muscles relaxing to the point that she was almost entirely unable to move.

“There you go…” he pet her head almost comfortingly while he waited for the drug to take further effect. He’d been given it via drop after his last mark with the intent being to make her as weak and pliable as possible during his final mission.

Making her body relax so he could take her as often as he deemed necessary before he may not get any more chances to complete his part in operation Winter Wife- as well as making sure she couldn’t resist or run.

The soldier didn’t have the patience to prepare her the way her little body required before she could safely take him, he didn’t have James’ level of emotional attachment for her so he had no moral issue with this.

He wasn’t fond of part two though.

The man returned to his bag and got out another injection,  this time jabbing his own neck with no hesitation.

He grunted and closed his eyes as he felt the drug enter his veins.

“I…can’t…m-move…” Vanessa sobbed, already knowing where this was headed.

She knew the Soldat wouldn’t risk injuring a part of her so vital to the mission but she didn’t think he’d drug her to accomplish it.

Much less himself.

He returned to the bed, “Good. Now I don’t have to deal with you resisting, or trying to run. You will be still for quite some time, weather you want to or not.”

Her silver eyes slid nervously down to his member that remained at attention throughout all of this. He got on his knees by her legs and spread them, bending her up to rest her legs on his arms while he looked down at her opening that had already responded to the drug.

“That’s my good little whore.” He rubbed her clit for a few seconds, “Ready and waiting.” He smirked, meeting her eyes before shoving into her all the way.

Her scream was so loud it could be heard from outside but everyone ignored it, like they were paid to do.

His hands roamed her breasts and waist for a moment before the Soldat took a brutal pace, each thrust making her slide up and down the pillow a bit. She grunted and tried to slap at him but her arms felt like they were made of lead- only her fingers twitched in response.

He lifted her more and rutted into her like an animal in heat, ignoring her whimpers and sobs while she lay helpless beneath him.

She didn’t know how much time had passed before he dropped her legs open wide, lifted her pelvis with his metal hand and leaned forward to cage her in with his large frame, putting his slightly sweaty forehead against hers while he began to push in extra hard, each one making a fresh sob fall from her lips as her face crumpled in agony.

At last, he cussed again and his body tensed, she could feel each long pulse of cum as it filled her. Vanessa could even feel the force of pressure as it launched out, warmth spreading through her as she watched  in horror through as her stomach began to grow between them.

“Fuuuck!” he shuttered as more and more of his enhanced load was forced into her, making her feel sloshy and fit to burst by the time he was done.

The Soldat kept her pelvis angled up with his steel grip while he bent her knees and anchored himself as deeply as he could, staring emptily into her bloodshot eyes.

Twenty minutes later, he patted her belly budge before slowly pulling out, hissing as he did so and watching the gush of fluid with slight amusement.

He glanced over at the alarm clock and pursed his lips. “We've got time for another round, I think. “

“N-no…please…don’t…” she sounded utterly defeated, wondering if it was this mysterious super soldier serum that made him ready to go again or the enhancer he’d given himself.

“My orders say I am to inseminate you as much as possible during this final leg of our mission.”

She frowned deeply as he spoke uncomfortably casually. “and it is possible so…” she gasped as he haphazardly flipped her over to her stomach,  making her gasp as the rest of the oversized load emptied onto the comforter and her thighs, creating a thick, creamy mess she was then forced to lay in.

Metal hand beneath her again, the Soldat dragged the head of his dick through her involuntarily spread lips to gather what he could and pushed back into her.

Vanessa was able to weakly turn her head to the side to keep from suffocating in the pillow; tears, snot and drool leaking into it as he groaned behind her and  -again- pounded into her bruising body mercilessly.

His flesh hand gripped her hip harshly as he lifted her to meet his thrusts, puppeteering  her body to fuck back.

She closed her eyes and took solace in her memories of James while his body abused hers with the decisive motions of  an assassin completing his mission.

--

With the requirements fulfilled, and sun having gone down, the Soldat showered and left shortly after.

Vanessa laid in the two massive loads on the bed, sure they had somewhat soaked into the mattress at this point. Her body still refused to move more than her fingers and toes no matter how hard she tried.

Weather it was the drug or her mind trying to protect her, her body felt…numb. She was dully aware of a throbbing at the apex of her thighs and something on her legs and hips but they weren’t registering as actual pain at the moment.

She was relieved.

And exhausted.

--

Several hours later, the door unlocked and opened again. The shadowy familiar figure entered, face stern as he literally peeled her off the blanket – cum having dried into a crust on her bruised skin.

Her head pounded and nausea set in as he rolled her onto her back again and took her one final time for the night– she passed out half way through.

Not that he was deterred.

<- Chapter 5. Chapter 7 ->

[hahahahah-no]

So, we don’t really know how non-traumagenic headmates actually come about in the brain, scientifically, but we could try explaining how it felt for us!

So, basically, before she was plural, our host was a singlet for 18 years. No plurality-related experiences before that at all, not even any dissociative ones. But she was always lonely, in some way, shape or form.

She stumbled upon tulpamancy before but was scared to try it at the time, but then she found it again at 18. We’ve got ADHD so we have some impulse issues, but she thought it through enough, and so she tried making a “tulpa” (we don’t use the tulpa language anymore, but that’s what she thought of at the time) out of curiosity, excitement and the possiblity of having a new friend.

Well, it happened very quickly – she started talking to an imaginary girl until said girl started talking back on her own. Said headmate grew more and more established over time. The main idea was “talk to the void ‘till the void talks back”. She then went through a crisis when it hit her that she’d be sharing life with her (she knew it cognitively but not emotionally, I think) and, after an argument, they stuck together and are the best of friends now. Later on, her headmate asked for another headmate so that it would be more balanced between them all, and he appeared! Also pretty quickly.

Later on, these two headmates decided that they want to bring another headmate to their group, the final one this time. He is pretty cool! It started overwhelming our host, since 4 is twice as much as two, but they’re the best of friends now too!

All of our other headmates weren’t created by us – they just kind of appeared due to splits (¿) and other shenanigans. For example, one of our headmates was an age-slider and after that weird incident where we couldn’t reach him, he wasn’t anymore. Then, 4 new headmates appeared, the 3 of them (including me) being the ages he used to age-slide to specifically, though we only realized that wayyy after the fact. The split wasn’t due to anything traumatic at all, it was just random. Yet another headmate appeared later on his own as well.

Honestly, we love and care for each other, but we just have a feeling that our brain is dead-set on messing with us without our consent. There were times where we thought that our system collapsed (due to nothing!!! Nothing at all, just one day it went *poof*!) and our host was panicking very badly. What helped us then was the knowledge that all these neuron pathways/connecitons in our brain that constitute us were built over months wouldn’t just disappear in an hour. Eventually, we all came back! :] But yeah, that was terrifying. There were other instances where our brain wanted to make some headmates split for some reason? Or fuse? It didn’t happen (thankfully).

Our host has been doing way better since we came into her life, it feels. We convinced her to get some mental health stuff checked out, she stopped being touched-starved anymore (phantom hugs work to alleviate that for us, thankfully!) and she doesn’t seem to be so self-negative all the time – when you have somebody else there who loves you and cares about you, they won’t let you hurt yourself without intervening. "Do you think I deserve to be bullied? Then you shouldn't be bullying yourself" – a quote from one of our headmates.

Sure, we had some arguments but they don’t last forever. It helps that we all don’t have amnesia barriers, so even ideological stuff can be talked about easily with everyone. Everyone has a voice and nobody forces anybody to be anybody – and never had. It’s nice that we can always switch with somebody when we’re overwhelmed. One time, our headmate was experiencing anxiety that made his stomach ache and, after he switched with someone else, the stomach ache was gone and we could go to sleep. Other time, one of us felt like crying and another one stepped in to handle it instead.

I think what really helps us not feeling like we’re missing out is the fact that we’re monoconscious. Meaning, that there is no time where you just stay in headspace, missing out on life and watching somebody else controlling the body. At all times, instead, we have only one perspective – that of the current fronter – through we experience the world. It just changes “flavours” (identities). So, we’re always living life fully – it just changes who we are at the moment.

In the end, we love each other dearly and our host has said “I am really glad that you’re in my life. I don’t know who I would have been without you. Thank you so much, I love you all”, so I don’t think she misses the singlet life at all :]

Storytime!

Hey, non-traumagenic systems, how did you become plural?

My system is trying to think of how plurality can be formed outside of trauma experiences and we're finding it difficult. Like, why would you willingly want to be plural when you can have a whole life to yourself, but also why not be plural for the beauty of it?

So I'd love to hear some of your stories and get a wider perspective! /gen

[a-aexotic]

jj x routledge!reader on pouguelandia confessing their feelings while walking at the beach at night when the others are asleep

pairing. jj x fem!routledge!reader

warnings. insecurity, slight angst to fluff, jj being with a cutie pie, kissing

summary. reader has always liked jj and got insecure when she sees jj staring absentmindedly at her, but in reality he was admiring her.

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

THE SMELL OF SMOKE FILLED HER NOSE AS SHE SAT NEAR THE BONFIRE. You were focused up in the stars, trying to saturate your mind on something other than anxiety. These past couple of months have been exhausting to say the least. You still had her guard up, always sleeping with one eye open. Even after John B told you it was going to be fine, words could only do so much to ease her anxieties. 

Everyone was asleep and you were the only one awake; or so you thought. “What are you doin’ up?”

You slightly flinched before realizing it was only JJ. You eased your muscles, sighing before relaxing. “I can’t sleep.” 

You looked up at the tall blonde as he sat down on the sand next to you, his baby blue eyes looking into yours.

He hummed in response, before nodding and looking away. You always have had sleep issues, even when they were kids. 

He fondly remembers the late nights with John B trying to lull you back to sleep. He also remembers the fact he could put you to sleep faster than anyone. John B always said he was the ‘Y/N whisperer’. But the truth was, JJ was just JJ and for some odd reason, you had always felt safe when you were with him. If someone asked when you started feeling this odd sense of safety, you wouldn’t know because you always just have. JJ always had that comforting feel to you. 

Your insomnia worsened after your father had gone missing, rightfully so. Your guard has been up since the day your father left. And no one but JJ could comfort, even your own brother. 

“Yeah, me too.”

They sat in silence before he spoke up again, “let’s walk.” 

You nodded in agreement, getting up with JJ.

Side by side, they started walking the beaches of Poguelandia. The late hours of the night were her favorite and she always admired dark skies filled with beautiful stars and even more breathtaking moon. She was always a night owl, preferring the quiet hours of the night.

JJ admired you under the bright moonlight, slightly smiling.

A blush came onto his cheeks. JJ had always adored Y/N, even when they were kids. He always had a protective nature over you, wanting to take you out of harm’s way no matter what. Especially when John B had gone missing, JJ had felt like it was his job to make sure you’re safe for John B. But somewhere along the way that adoration turned into a crush and now, JJ can’t stop thinking about you. 

You looked so gorgeous under the bright cast of the moon and JJ couldn’t help but staring. He couldn’t even think straight as he looked at you. 

You turned, meeting his gaze and laughing slightly. “What are you smiling about?”

JJ’s eyes widened; he forgot he was in real life for a second there, zoning out on your dreamlike features. He shook his head and looked down at the sand and shrugged. “Nothing.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, suddenly feeling insecure. You looked down at the sand, trying to ignore the weird feeling in your stomach. 

Your old crush had come back and suddenly you were back at the chateau, crying in your bedroom because JJ had brought another girl over again. You had always felt insecure, especially compared to JJ’s exes. 

JJ had felt the shift in atmosphere, he mirrored your confused expression. Sudden worry filled his system. “What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, not wanting to bring up the fact that you’re feeling insecure over something so small. “Nothing.”

JJ stopped walking and grabbed her arm, bringing you to look up at him. “No, tell me.” 

“No, it’s fine. It’s stupid.” 

“If I did something, tell me, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything-”

“JJ, no, no.” You shook your head, You sighed and avoided his gaze. “You were just staring and maybe you noticed one of my pimples or something. And I haven’t shaved in like-”

JJ laughed and shook his head as Y/N spoke and she halted her speech and scoffed. He immediately felt guilty and shook his head, “No, Y/N-”

“You’ve said enough, JJ-”

“Are you serious?” It was JJ’s time to scoff now. You morph your face into annoyance and shake your head in agreement.

“Yes, JJ, I’m allowed to feel insecure when you literally stare at my face-”

He laughed again, “you? Insecure?”

“Yes, JJ.” You said simply before rolling your eyes and sighing, “you know what, I’m tired, so I’m just gonna head to bed.” You started walking away. 

He suddenly felt stupid and he sighed before running up to catch up with you. When he did, you did your best to ignore him. He hurt your feelings and you were going to give him the cold shoulder until he apologizes. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry.”

Well, that was fast.

You sighed and crossed your arms, turning to face the blonde. 

“You misunderstood me, I meant… It’s ridiculous that you feel insecure.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. JJ sighed and shook his head, he was always bad at explaining his feelings. Especially when it was his feelings for you. He took a minute to try to figure what to say and you felt impatient. 

“You’re the prettiest girl I have ever seen.” He whispered; anyone not directly in front of him couldn’t hear it. You almost missed it with the waves crashing, and even then, you thought you misheard him. He bashfully looked away, directing his eyes to the sand below them.

“Wait, what?”

He felt even more stupid now, sighing. You were going to tell John B and he was going to kill him if he didn’t just drown himself before John B had a chance to.

“You don’t have to lie, I mean-”

JJ groaned, “God, shut up. I wouldn’t lie. You know I can’t lie to you.” 

“So, you really think I’m pretty?”

JJ nodded. “Who wouldn’t?”

“JJ, don’t joke around right now.”

“I wouldn’t joke about that, Y/N. Why can’t you just take a compliment?” JJ was annoyed at how oblivious you were acting. “Y/N, you have to be joking. How could you not tell I’ve had a crush on you for like, two years now!” 

He was frustrated but as soon as those words came out, he shut right back up. He just confessed his crush to you and you looked like you had just seen a ghost. 

JJ looked just as you were. Was he joking around? “JJ, how couldn’t you tell that I’ve liked you since we were kids?” You finally replied and he had the same reaction as you. 

“You’ve liked me since we were kids?”

You nodded. Now, you were both the oblivious ones. You and JJ sat in silence for a good minute before JJ spoke up again. 

“We’re both so stupid.”

You nodded again. “Yeah, we are.”

JJ looked down at you, a smile making its way onto his lips. Suddenly, the quiet night had become much louder for the both of you; your mind's racing with possibilities. JJ was always a reckless, YOLO kind of person, but with you, he always wanted to take his time and be patient.

You were thinking of how perfect this night turned out, staring at JJ’s features, admiring them and taking them in. You weren’t sure of most things, but one thing you knew for absolute fact: You loved JJ Maybank. Your mind stopped racing but one thought lingered. 

You put your hand on his cheek, feeling his warmth as you kept looking between his eyes and pink lips. You both slowly started leaning in and you connected lips. 

It was a slow, patient kiss - like JJ had imagined, but this time it wasn’t imaginary. JJ couldn’t help but think about what they'd been through these past couple of months but he always had comfort in the fact you were right beside him.

You were thinking the exact same things, and up until the moment you had connected lips you’d regretted everything. The regret slowly vaporized into the kiss because every bad thing had led up to this, and suddenly, it wasn’t so bad now that you had finally gotten your award.