#for anxiety reasons he’s not weird about it. I just think he wouldn’t realize he’s that close.

[squuote]

going off of the concept that the narrator goes from non-physical to physical form, I just think he would be the most clingy guy ever. He has no concept of personal space. He doesn’t get why you wouldn’t want him that close if he was already that close to begin with. What makes the difference now that you can see him. they are standing this close at all times

[emssturniolo]

delicate

pairing: matthew sturniolo x reader

summary: your soft spoken tone doesn’t let you make new friends, but matt is who you only really need

warnings: use of yn, and names such as baby ;)

a/n: very rare emssturniolo matt fan fic ! whaaat ?!??

happy reading :)

you and matt were currently at a party with his brothers. it was a party of some influencer who you didn’t really know, and had never spoken to

but you didn’t want to ruin the night for matt, who seemed to be excited to go to this party with his brothers and friends, so you promised yourself, for his sake, to try and make some new friends to talk to while you’re there

you went in confident and ready, to just tell your anxiety to fuck off and get out of your (very comfortable) comfort zone. yet, every time that you tried to talk to some girl that seemed remotely interesting to you, they would give you one of three main responses: make a weird face and shrug you off, try to talk to you and end up leaving, or just straight up insulting you - see there was a small problem with you and parties; you were too soft spoken to be heard in places with loud music and a lot of talking. so every time you tried to talk to someone, they wouldn’t be able to hear you and they’d either just leave or tell you to speak up, which was quite literally impossible for you to do, since your voice just didn’t go any higher than the slight next step from a whisper

yet you were determined. you didn’t want to cling onto matt, you wanted him to have fun and have some alone time with his friends, away from you. the last thing you needed was for him to think you’re too clingy. so you tried again, for the third time, to talk to a girl. this time, you spotted a girl sitting alone on the couch in the living room of the house the party was being held in. she was just on her phone when you sat next to her, and said “hey, you wanna talk?” and she diverted her attention away from her phone and looked at you with a smile. this was going well,,, surprisingly. “yeah sure! what’s your name?” she asked, “mine’s jenna.”, you smiled, “i love that name! i’m yn!” - jenna looked confused for a second before asking you, “sorry, what was that?”. she hadn’t heard you. “i said i love that name, i’m yn!” you tried again, raising your voice a bit higher, or as much as you could. “i can’t hear you! look, if you’re not gonna speak up i don’t think we can talk!”, jenna scoffed, and got up and left

tears brimmed at your eyes. you knew you weren’t speaking loud, but there was no reason for people to be so mean about it - so you gave in, and went to find matt. you needed him urgently, just a hug would be enough, but you couldn’t find him. you were growing more anxious by the second, so you quickly shot matt a text

matt<3

hey where are you?

i’m on the balcony

why what’s wrong?

can we meet ? like outside ?

yeah sure :)

and with that, you found matt outside the door of the house. the second you came close enough, you hugged him tightly. light tears ran down your warm cheeks, and as soon as matt realized, he pulled back, his hold still on you - gentle, but firm. “what’s up, my love? what’s wrong?” he spoke gently, just to match your delicate state. “nothing, just tried to talk to some people to let you have fun, but they always gave me weird looks or responses when i talked low.” you lightly let out a breath. he hugged you again, his delicate hands sinking into your skin, you above your hips - to let you know he’s there

“baby, look at me. you know i love everything about you, but trust me, that soft, gentle, beautiful, sweet, delicate tone of your voice is on my ‘top three things i love about yn’ list. promise.” and with that, he stuck out his pinky finger, which was immediately interlocked with yours, a kiss planted on each other’s fingers, and another one right after, planted on each other’s lips

“i love you, my sweet girl.” he said, sincerely. and you could tell, just by the stars in his eyes which show up anytime he talks about something he’s passionate about,,,

or talking about you

[bahablastplz]

All in | Chapter 16.5 (Felix)

pairing: Lee Felix x f!reader (mafia au)

summary: You didn't know what you were getting yourself into when you started dating Yang Jungwon, notorious mafia boss. Your life gets flipped upside down when you're found beaten and bloody by SKZ, the rival mafia group, and you're quickly integrated into their lives. What will happen when you try to leave your old life behind and start anew?

chapter summary: How did Felix come to join SKZ?

warnings: please see series masterlist for all warnings

series masterlist ~~ series taglist ~~ main masterlist

<< previous ♡ next >>

Felix:

When I was a child, people used to tell me that I would get taken advantage of for my kindness. I didn’t really understand what that meant, or what these phrases ‘to be walked all over,’ or ‘doormat,’ ever really meant. I just knew that I was taught in school to never bully anybody else, and that everybody should be treated with kindness, and so I did just that. 

I was treated poorly from a young age by other kids for reasons I never really understood why. To my understanding, they were reasons out of my control, because there was nothing I could ever do to make anybody like me. At some point I realized that other kids’ parents were telling their children to stay away from me. 

When I was in second grade my family moved away, and I finally made a friend. We didn’t move too far away, just a few neighborhoods over, but I still ended up changing schools. And so for once, I ended up growing closer to a boy in my grade even though I was a transfer student. I felt like something good had come of my move, even though I had begged and begged my parents for us to stay. 

“Why do you even care about staying?” my mother had asked. “It’s not like you have any friends.” Even though I was young, that had hurt like a knife to the gut. I didn’t want to be a burden, so I complied. She was right… I wasn’t sure why I cared so much about a place I had no stake in, but I was a kid, and kids have weird attachments to things sometimes. 

But then suddenly, Jack, my new friend on the playground, made me feel like all of my issues went away. I didn’t think about how hard it was for me to make friends anymore, I didn’t have to think about leaving the old school behind. I felt happy, distracted, and care-free. Like a kid should. 

It was short-lasting. 

After school, Jack and I were playing on the playground when his mom came to pick him up. His mother grabbed him harshly by the elbow, dragging him away without saying goodbye. 

“This ‘Felix’ kid you’ve been playing with, you didn’t tell me he was a Lee!” she spat. “You can’t play with him anymore.” They were far enough away that I could barely hear them, but the words still made anxiety bubble up in my gut and tears pool down my face. 

“Jack–” I called after him. “Bye, Jack!” His mother held him closer to her body as they walked away, shielding him from me. 

We never played together again, and just like at my first school, everybody started avoiding me no matter how nice I was. However, this time I had an answer as to why that was: it wasn’t because of me, it was because of my family name. 

It wasn’t clear to me at first what about my family name was such an issue or what caused it to make the other kids stay away. I still kept to myself all throughout school, not interacting much with any of the others. I even considered begging my parents to homeschool me at one point, but I knew that it would have been too much of a burden. My parents wouldn’t have been able to afford taking the time off of work to homeschool me. 

It was lonely. 

I didn’t put up a fight when we moved again. I was in high school this time, and when my parents told me we were moving, I packed my bags and  wordlessly followed. 

Finally, my parents admitted the truth to why we had moved after we settled into the new place. My father hadn’t gotten a new job; we were on the run. It was the reason why we had moved the first time and it was the reason why we had moved now. It turns out that my parents were prone to bad spending habits and taking out loans from the wrong people, and so each time we would have to pick up and move. It was hard, and my parents would often try to look for other options in order to pay off their debts, like selling drugs or partaking in illegal activities in exchange for cash just so we wouldn’t be displaced, but their name wasn’t the most reputable around. All they had wanted to do was help, but it was only hurting me over and over and over again when I had never done anything wrong from day one. 

It’s hard to know that your parents have done something so horrible. Looking at your own parents that you’ve known your whole life and seeing the faces staring back at you, knowing what they’ve hidden from you, it changes the way you look back at your childhood. It changes the way you view your parents and it changes the way that you view yourself. 

When my parents were killed and taken away from me suddenly, I didn’t know how to feel. 

Grief is just so, so complicated. 

Because I was still mourning the fact that my parents weren’t the people who I thought they were when they were taken away from me. I was trying to cope with the fact that my parents were inherently ‘bad’ people, but at the same time, they were all that I had. 

They were all that I had. 

“Help me take them down from the inside,” Chan had said. Bang Chan is the man that had found me a few days after my parents had died, had approached me at their funeral. “I need you to help me. The loan sharks, they killed my dad, too. I understand you, I was you once. If you can join, I think we have a solid chance of destroying them.” He explained to me that since he joined the loan sharks he had already risen in the ranks, was already gaining a lot of power. 

As much as I hated the idea of joining the people that killed my parents, the idea of revenge was so self-fulfilling. The man was convincing, too, with an already solidified plan and the work to show for it. 

I began to not really know who I was anymore. The only thing that was on my mind was blinding rage, and that was the thing that motivated me to wake up every day. I was no longer the little boy with a childlike wonder that was nice to everyone. 

I satisfied my one-track mind with Chan’s help. I delivered the finishing blow, the only exception being that Chan would be the one to take his place. I was fine with that, but it didn’t quite fill the hollowness inside that I had originally hoped. 

Joining the loan sharks and killing the man on top, it didn’t bring my parents back. It didn’t change what they had done and it didn’t change the person that it had turned me into. 

When I started to go into a deep depression and felt that maybe I should leave Chan to lead the new organization by himself, I was surprised by what he had said. 

“Leave…? Felix, leaving isn’t an option now. You owe me for helping you catch the guy who killed your parents.” I sort of looked at him strangely. It wasn’t the same thing that he had told me when he had recruited me and I felt like I was stuck now, with no way out. “That’s not something you can take lightly,” he had told me. “I was right there by your side. It’s only right for you to be there for me by mine. After all, you got to accomplish your mission, but mine is only halfway there.” 

And as his right-hand man, he had told me how he had planned to rebrand the loan sharks into something slightly more sinister. For now I had a new purpose in life, and it was to completely serve Chan until he felt that he had accomplished his goals.

I made my first friends again in this new life. I made them in Hyunjin, who I found to be a great conversationalist and so introspective that he had me questioning myself on a deeper level. In his thoughtfulness, his delicateness, and his intelligence that was valued in the group among all else. In Minho and Jisung, who had joined at the same time, in their complexities and hidden humors that are only unlocked once you know them on a deeper level. Their connections and smiles and hearts and anxieties and all of the love that they have to give, both individually and together. In Seungmin, who’s twisted humor hits deep and who’s compassion is even more heart-wrenching once you get to know him. Who would never tell you that he cares about you but would show it to you through his actions. Who pays attention to every last detail about everyone. Changbin, who has so much inner strength and resilience that he doesn’t know what to do with it, who wants to be strong because he is so scared of not being able to protect the people that he cares about. Who would so effortlessly do anything that anyone asked of him. Jeongin, our maknae, who everyone cares about like their own baby brother, who everyone wants to protect and cherish. Who has seen his fair share of shitty things but works just as hard as everyone else in order to strive for his goals. Who, even though he had known us for only half as long, would jump in front of a bullet for us. And then… Y/N… 

Y/N who made my world stop spinning on my axis when I met her. She ignited a fire inside of me and though a little voice inside of my head spoke and said it was probably wrong, I didn’t dare to listen to it. There’s nobody like her. Nobody who would ever dare stand up to Chan, nobody I’ve ever met who I’ve wanted to cherish and protect so much, but also, nobody that I have wanted to see flourish and grow. I am utterly and hopelessly in love. 

It didn’t take me long to realize that between Y/N and SKZ I had obtained something that I had needed for a long time, and I hadn’t even been looking. A family. A real one. 

And I intend to do whatever it takes to keep it. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

taglist: @shuporanporang ; @purp13st4r ; @eurydiceofterabithia ; @heartsbyandra ; @thicccurls ;

@rylea08 ; @the-sweetest-rose ; @oddracha ; @kapelover ; @goldenmellow ;

@zerefdragn33l ; @uhh-awkward-rightt ; @astudyoftimeywimeystuff ; @kaleigh-2002 ; @thatonexcgirl ;

@mindfreecreator ; @linoalwaysknows ; @velvetmoonlght ; @minahaeyo ; @crystalchuuu ;

@hash2013 ; @skzswife ; @b0bbl3s ; @thecutiepieme ; @bear8585 ;

@moss-the-man ; @softkisshyunjin ; @sylveonitesworld ; @m00njinnie ; @nicoleparadas ;

@starsofasteria ; @klopez01 ; @luvlinos ; @hyunjinnnnnnnnnnnnnn ; @skz-akira ;

@boi-bi-ahaha ; @l33bang24 ; @hermione640 ; @gal82 ; @b-chansbbygirl ;

@kayleefriedchicken ; @notsojourni ; @hogwartslife64 ; @stilltrynafuckingtumble ; @ellelabelle ;

@melleus ; @hyun-bun ; @luminouskalopsia ; @leftovercigarettes ; @sabrina-gal-kpop

@ghostedgameplays ; @wealwayskeepfighting ; @meloncremesoda ; @Lovelino23 ; @honeyybbuubblleess ;

@blossominghunnie ; @sunlitangel777 ; @kkamismom12 ; @slaykanejvetsi ; @eastleighsblog ;

@skzskzskzskzskzskzskzzzz ; @k-keya ; @moonlight-sunrise-channie ; @estella-novella ;

@mbioooo0000 ; @lovemepie67 ; @lemonn015 ; @jaeminie-cricket ; @cookiesandcreammy ;

@jchotch726 ; @cookielixie ; @xxeiraxx ; @chuuyaobsessed ; @anime-addictot8 ;

@raspberrii ; @holdontoitwhileitlasts ; @korthbum ; @nxtt2-u ; @drinkingrumandcocacola ;

@changbokkii ; @1810cl ; @sillyhal ; @abcdefgiwsmctyeliaitaiglykoh ; @justastraymoa

[a-aexotic]

jj x routledge!reader on pouguelandia confessing their feelings while walking at the beach at night when the others are asleep

pairing. jj x fem!routledge!reader

warnings. insecurity, slight angst to fluff, jj being with a cutie pie, kissing

summary. reader has always liked jj and got insecure when she sees jj staring absentmindedly at her, but in reality he was admiring her.

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

THE SMELL OF SMOKE FILLED HER NOSE AS SHE SAT NEAR THE BONFIRE. You were focused up in the stars, trying to saturate your mind on something other than anxiety. These past couple of months have been exhausting to say the least. You still had her guard up, always sleeping with one eye open. Even after John B told you it was going to be fine, words could only do so much to ease her anxieties. 

Everyone was asleep and you were the only one awake; or so you thought. “What are you doin’ up?”

You slightly flinched before realizing it was only JJ. You eased your muscles, sighing before relaxing. “I can’t sleep.” 

You looked up at the tall blonde as he sat down on the sand next to you, his baby blue eyes looking into yours.

He hummed in response, before nodding and looking away. You always have had sleep issues, even when they were kids. 

He fondly remembers the late nights with John B trying to lull you back to sleep. He also remembers the fact he could put you to sleep faster than anyone. John B always said he was the ‘Y/N whisperer’. But the truth was, JJ was just JJ and for some odd reason, you had always felt safe when you were with him. If someone asked when you started feeling this odd sense of safety, you wouldn’t know because you always just have. JJ always had that comforting feel to you. 

Your insomnia worsened after your father had gone missing, rightfully so. Your guard has been up since the day your father left. And no one but JJ could comfort, even your own brother. 

“Yeah, me too.”

They sat in silence before he spoke up again, “let’s walk.” 

You nodded in agreement, getting up with JJ.

Side by side, they started walking the beaches of Poguelandia. The late hours of the night were her favorite and she always admired dark skies filled with beautiful stars and even more breathtaking moon. She was always a night owl, preferring the quiet hours of the night.

JJ admired you under the bright moonlight, slightly smiling.

A blush came onto his cheeks. JJ had always adored Y/N, even when they were kids. He always had a protective nature over you, wanting to take you out of harm’s way no matter what. Especially when John B had gone missing, JJ had felt like it was his job to make sure you’re safe for John B. But somewhere along the way that adoration turned into a crush and now, JJ can’t stop thinking about you. 

You looked so gorgeous under the bright cast of the moon and JJ couldn’t help but staring. He couldn’t even think straight as he looked at you. 

You turned, meeting his gaze and laughing slightly. “What are you smiling about?”

JJ’s eyes widened; he forgot he was in real life for a second there, zoning out on your dreamlike features. He shook his head and looked down at the sand and shrugged. “Nothing.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, suddenly feeling insecure. You looked down at the sand, trying to ignore the weird feeling in your stomach. 

Your old crush had come back and suddenly you were back at the chateau, crying in your bedroom because JJ had brought another girl over again. You had always felt insecure, especially compared to JJ’s exes. 

JJ had felt the shift in atmosphere, he mirrored your confused expression. Sudden worry filled his system. “What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, not wanting to bring up the fact that you’re feeling insecure over something so small. “Nothing.”

JJ stopped walking and grabbed her arm, bringing you to look up at him. “No, tell me.” 

“No, it’s fine. It’s stupid.” 

“If I did something, tell me, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything-”

“JJ, no, no.” You shook your head, You sighed and avoided his gaze. “You were just staring and maybe you noticed one of my pimples or something. And I haven’t shaved in like-”

JJ laughed and shook his head as Y/N spoke and she halted her speech and scoffed. He immediately felt guilty and shook his head, “No, Y/N-”

“You’ve said enough, JJ-”

“Are you serious?” It was JJ’s time to scoff now. You morph your face into annoyance and shake your head in agreement.

“Yes, JJ, I’m allowed to feel insecure when you literally stare at my face-”

He laughed again, “you? Insecure?”

“Yes, JJ.” You said simply before rolling your eyes and sighing, “you know what, I’m tired, so I’m just gonna head to bed.” You started walking away. 

He suddenly felt stupid and he sighed before running up to catch up with you. When he did, you did your best to ignore him. He hurt your feelings and you were going to give him the cold shoulder until he apologizes. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry.”

Well, that was fast.

You sighed and crossed your arms, turning to face the blonde. 

“You misunderstood me, I meant… It’s ridiculous that you feel insecure.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. JJ sighed and shook his head, he was always bad at explaining his feelings. Especially when it was his feelings for you. He took a minute to try to figure what to say and you felt impatient. 

“You’re the prettiest girl I have ever seen.” He whispered; anyone not directly in front of him couldn’t hear it. You almost missed it with the waves crashing, and even then, you thought you misheard him. He bashfully looked away, directing his eyes to the sand below them.

“Wait, what?”

He felt even more stupid now, sighing. You were going to tell John B and he was going to kill him if he didn’t just drown himself before John B had a chance to.

“You don’t have to lie, I mean-”

JJ groaned, “God, shut up. I wouldn’t lie. You know I can’t lie to you.” 

“So, you really think I’m pretty?”

JJ nodded. “Who wouldn’t?”

“JJ, don’t joke around right now.”

“I wouldn’t joke about that, Y/N. Why can’t you just take a compliment?” JJ was annoyed at how oblivious you were acting. “Y/N, you have to be joking. How could you not tell I’ve had a crush on you for like, two years now!” 

He was frustrated but as soon as those words came out, he shut right back up. He just confessed his crush to you and you looked like you had just seen a ghost. 

JJ looked just as you were. Was he joking around? “JJ, how couldn’t you tell that I’ve liked you since we were kids?” You finally replied and he had the same reaction as you. 

“You’ve liked me since we were kids?”

You nodded. Now, you were both the oblivious ones. You and JJ sat in silence for a good minute before JJ spoke up again. 

“We’re both so stupid.”

You nodded again. “Yeah, we are.”

JJ looked down at you, a smile making its way onto his lips. Suddenly, the quiet night had become much louder for the both of you; your mind's racing with possibilities. JJ was always a reckless, YOLO kind of person, but with you, he always wanted to take his time and be patient.

You were thinking of how perfect this night turned out, staring at JJ’s features, admiring them and taking them in. You weren’t sure of most things, but one thing you knew for absolute fact: You loved JJ Maybank. Your mind stopped racing but one thought lingered. 

You put your hand on his cheek, feeling his warmth as you kept looking between his eyes and pink lips. You both slowly started leaning in and you connected lips. 

It was a slow, patient kiss - like JJ had imagined, but this time it wasn’t imaginary. JJ couldn’t help but think about what they'd been through these past couple of months but he always had comfort in the fact you were right beside him.

You were thinking the exact same things, and up until the moment you had connected lips you’d regretted everything. The regret slowly vaporized into the kiss because every bad thing had led up to this, and suddenly, it wasn’t so bad now that you had finally gotten your award.

[ratwife77]

Soda angst because I was called to do this?

idk what warnings there are for this but this is kind of just his anxiety building and stuff.. just be careful reading

ao3 link

I don’t know how to describe it. After work, I’d been going home, hitching a ride with Steve. The usual, but what was different? Tensions had been high with Darry and Pony, and I guess work had been busy.. But there was no reason for my hands to be shaking, or for my breath coming up short. It was stupid for me to feel so tense. Whenever I took in a breath, it wasn’t enough, and I was beginning to feel dizzy. I don’t know how to explain it, but I kind of felt floaty too, like the one time I’d been drunk. Not quite there, y’know? It was a bad cycle, freaking out more over the trouble I was having breathing, seeming to get worse. Steve gave me a strange look, opened his mouth to ask, but he seemed to not have thought before he did it. He didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t either. But he tried, because he knew something was deeply wrong. “Soda.. are you.. okay?”

Steve was my safe place, but I didn’t want to drop it all on him. I wouldn’t, I decided. I nodded, sure that I couldn’t fake it if my voice was wobbling. Knowing I was faking, he didn’t say anything for a moment. “You don’t have to tell me. Just.. you’re acting weird.” Nervously, he looked at me and back at the road. His eyebrows came together and his whole face scrunched with a concern that made my stomach hurt. Tapping the steering wheel with his pointer finger, he made a wrong turn. Quickly, I realized that he probably shouldn’t have been driving- don’t get me wrong, he was the best in the gang, but he wasn’t focused. I didn’t want to get in an auto wreck like my parents did. My head was foggy, but not enough to not feel the danger in that. “Pull over, Steve.” My voice was quieter and shakier than I would’ve liked, but it came. It made me feel like a little kid again, tiny.

In seconds, he’d pulled over.

“I.. um.. I’m not..” The words weren’t coming, and I realized my hands were sweaty and tremblin’, showing my nerves to the world. Damn. Desperately, I tried to wipe them off. “I can’t.. breathe right.” I felt my throat getting tight, pressure building too high. Couldn’t swallow, and I knew what was coming. I made a strange sound, then I was rocked forward, sobbing. Why? Why was I even doing that? Everything was fine. Steve looked beyond nervous, unsure, but then his features morphed to something more calm, confident. Probably an act, but it made me feel a bit better. He didn’t know what the hell to say, and I sure didn’t either. Suddenly, his hand went to my back, and he slowly rubbed it. He wasn’t one for affection, or touching at all, but he was comforting then. After considering for a second, he slowly pulled me into a hug, and I was crying on his shoulder. I’m not sure how long it lasted, but I came off of whatever it was eventually, and I whispered a quiet but genuine, “Thank you.”

Steve, trying to make light of the moment and calm me down, said, “Anytime.. but next time, you’ll have to pay me.. I’m thinking of starting a business for crying on my shoulder.” Shakily, I let out a laugh, but it turned into a cackle, and we both laughed until we didn’t know what it was about anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

honestly guys idk if this is in character, Soda isn’t really my favorite so I haven’t really got a firm grasp on his character

[tornrose24]

I was thinking over some stuff and realized that if the timeline/world of TGAMM was close to real life, then there would have been a lot of real-world issues/factors that could have affected Scratch/Todd’s anxiety, which in turn led to losing his soul. Especially in the decade that would have led up to the year he likely lost his soul.

So knowing that he was in his 50’s in the early 2020’s, and that he was in his 40’s in the early 2010’s, let’s look at what happened in the 2000s:

-The Y2K scare. I’m not sure if Todd would have been tech-savvy or would have bought into that theory, so I think this could be crossed out.

-September 11th 2001. Yeah, I think this incident would make someone uneasy about flying for several years.

-The war that occurred afterward. I don’t recall if the Arabian Peninsula was on Adia’s map, but every time a war happens, it usually puts people off from traveling out of country or in certain areas. Also, it was an awful time for a lot of people for various reasons.

-The 2008 economic recession. I recall that being an uneasy time, and I could see that as one reason why Todd would have stayed with the job he had. Especially if people were losing their homes or it was hard to get a house during this time. Furthermore, I could see the recession having a major negative impact on Brighton.

-Scratch mentioned that he didn’t pursue romance and the show bible said that it was because he was afraid of heartbreak. It could be because he was already shy/withdrawn to begin with, but there’s other factors that could have come from real life events. If he was LGBTQ plus, then that was still a bit of a hot topic in the 2000s (and assuming Brighton is in Illinois, same-sex marriages weren’t legalized until 2013, in which case it would have been too late for Todd to try to pursue anyone). I imagine that Brighton also wouldn’t have been inviting for romantic potentials, not to mention that the recession wouldn’t have helped. Also, I remember there was an over-emphasis on fitness and  physical appearances and how men and women should look like (in order to be considered attractive) that continued into the 2010s for a time. (I can still recall when fast food chains used models to promote their food). Todd would not have fit those ‘standards.’ (Plus I don't think he'd be too willing to give up food to try to obtain a look that is near impossible to achieve, but it might explain the weird abs obsession in that one episode).

And with these factors, it makes me wonder just what Adia was up to work-wise, because I can’t imagine traveling would have been too popular during the 2000s for reasons I already stated, and YouTube (or the equivalent of YouTube in TGAMM) wasn’t doing sponsors for much of its first decade. Unless she was lucky to get a job that allowed her to travel.

Side note–phones that could do face times existed as early as 2010/2011, so that adds to the timeline of exactly when Todd would have lost his soul.

[dmwrites]

So, I was thinking about in-game/storyline reasons for Bdubs not uploading his pov of Limited Life, and it kind of spiraled from “maybe he’s an npc this season” to “well grian would have to do the administrative work to make a bdubs npc I guess” to “well Martyn’s vtuber lore…”, so now there’s this thing. Uh, enjoy?

——

“Bdubs?”

Cleo heard a familiar throat clearing from behind the tree she and Scar were trying to cut down, and called out to whoever was on the other side of the river.

“Ah, Cleo, hello!”

Cleo smiled cheerily at Bdubs, who was approaching them. Scar waved Bdubs over, and they all started working on chopping down the same big dark oak tree.

“Another life series already, can you believe it?” Cleo asked. She couldn’t help but smile- the sun was warm, her friends were all around her, and a new opportunity for good, wholesome murder.

It was natural, the way that she, Scar, and Bdubs fell into an alliance. They were good together, a kind of natural blend of sarcasm and thirst for violence.

But something wasn’t quite right. She shrugged it off at first, thinking it was the general overhanging anxiety of a clock ticking down to death. But no, it wasn’t until the second boogeyman was chosen that she began to realize exactly what was wrong.

When Bdubs had killed Skizz, not even a minute after he had been named boogeyman number two, Cleo hadn’t been paying attention to him. She had been laughing at Scar, and helping him out of the pond he’d fallen into after being rammed by a goat. But when she looked up, to see a death message in chat and Bdubs standing, axe still raised, that same, broad smile on his face.

“Bdubs?”

There was a moment of stillness, where Bdubs stood there, staring off into the space that Skizz had occupied only moments ago. His head then jerked to the side, and he laughed.

“Ah, Cleo, hello. Ah, well, that’s done now.”

Cleo laughed at his laissez-faire attitude, but couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d seen something from Bdubs that wasn’t right.

“Bdubs! You killed Skizz!” Scar exclaimed, interrupting her thoughts.

Bdubs didn’t respond to that, just smiled broadly as Skizz came over the hill again, swearing up a storm and making everything even more funny.

As much as she’d like to forget the weirdness she felt about Bdubs, it was impossible, since he was right there, cheering her on, joining Scar in calling her Mom. He was being odd, in ways that wouldn’t have mattered to anyone but her. He didn’t wear armor until Cleo gave him some. Whatever was suggested, he happily agreed to. He had that big ol’ classic Bdubs smile, but it was the eyes. There was something missing from his eyes- like they had gone dull and lifeless, like a statue or doll.

“Scar?”

“Hmm? Yes, Mom?” Scar was sitting on the top of the mountain, resting for a moment, and gave a cackle as he spoke.

Cleo elected to ignore that for the time being. “Does something seem a little… off… about Bdubs to you?” She eased herself down next to him.

Scar frowned, and Cleo had to appreciate that Scar, for all of his misgivings and silly nature, took her seriously when it was needed. The two looked towards their rudimentary farm land, where Bdubs was doing some final bits of crop harvesting before the sun fully set. The last rays of sunlight glinted off of the many clocks that hung off of his body. He was planting seeds in a uniform, practiced way, focused on his task without the usual whimsical and jumpy gait to his step.

“No, not really.” Scar said slowly. “But, I will say… isn’t it odd that his skin doesn’t change? We all get reset every season, but he… it’s like his last life season never really left him or something.”

Cleo frowned. Last Life was always close to her mind too, but it had never left any… physical marks. Bdubs looked like a sore that never healed.

“Oh, also, he said this thing I thought was kind of, well, I wouldn’t call it out of character, and it was a throwaway comment at best I suppose, but when he and I were trekking the server with our horses and wares, he said he was content to just watch me, like some kind of hidden camera show. Watching my life. Like he’s just a camera for me. And he’s always egging on my terrible ideas.”

“But he’s always like that- he’s a ‘yes, and’ man. You know that.” Cleo said.

“You’re the one who seems to be worried- why don’t you go talk to him then? I don’t want the family to be broken up so quickly. We already lost Dad.”

Cleo smacked Scar lightly up the backside of his head. “Shut it, boy.”

She did wander out to Bdubs, who was just finishing up the final seed plantings.

“Bdubs?”

“Ah, Cleo, hello!” Bdubs stood up and beamed at her.

“Are you okay, Bdubs?” Cleo asked. “Enjoying your time so far?”

“Of course! I am greatly enjoying this time with my friends!” Bdubs’ face wasn’t changing. He was talking and his mouth was moving, but his eyes still were just that same kind of glassy deadness. It struck Cleo all at once, suddenly, what exactly was wrong. It was the uncanny valley effect that she sometimes got when she made a statue too realistic. Bdubs didn’t look like he was living. It was impossible to tell, most people wouldn’t ever see it, only feel that weird anxiety.

“You’re not the real Bdubs.” Cleo said, trying very hard to keep the tremor out of her voice.

Bdubs’ mouth opened and closed for a moment, those eyes still just as wide and happy as it had been since she’d first seen Bdubs on this sever.

“Bdubs?”

“Ah, yes, Cleo.”

“You say that every time I say your name.” Cleo whispered.

——

“Grian.”

Joel and Jimmy must have wandered off, leaving Grian in the ruins of the mansion (which Cleo secretly giggled about). Grian was typing on his commutator, assumedly some admin stuff to do with the server, but looked up and smiled as Cleo approached.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Sorry to bother you, but I think something is… off about Bdubs.”

For a moment, a flash of recognition and panic appeared in Grian’s face, then smoothed back out. Grian was good at lying, but Cleo had been dealing with misbehavior and liars for a lot longer then he’d even been alive.

“I don’t know w-”

“Don’t bother lying to me, you’ll just embarrass yourself.” Cleo cut him off abruptly. Her head was pounding- she was right, something was wrong. And Grian knew what it was. “What happened to Bdubs?”

“Cleo, that is an administrative issue, not a player issue. That information is private and between only those who need to know.” Grian was talking fast, and his communicator kept beeping- resetting a whole mansion wasn’t an easy task, clearly. He was clearly distracted. “Bdubs being an npc this season is not- oh no.” Grian groaned at his mistake. He closed his communicator and took out his sword. “Okay, so let’s just pretend that I didn’t say that.”

“You really think you can frighten me into silence, little bird?” Cleo crossed her arms and puffed out her chest. She was very scared, she knew how Grian was when he was backed into a corner. And she didn’t even have diamond armor.

“Cleo, listen. I respect you, and I know you care a lot about Bdubs. But let this one go. It’s not… it’s complicated, okay? No one can know, not ever. It’s too…” Grian looked her over, coming to some kind of decision. “Listen, I may not scare you, but I will kill you. If this gets out, I will slaughter you over and over until your out of the series. With no remorse. I promise this.”

Cleo held her ground for as long as she could, jaw set, brain frantically screaming at her to go. “Fine.” She finally said. “It stays here. For now.” She turned and walked away without another word, mentally preparing for an arrow to the back. But nothing came, and she walked until she was beyond the still-smoldering dark oak forest. She could see her allies, Scar and not-really Bdubs, on the mountain, but she couldn’t go there. Not yet.

So she walked in the flat area around spawn, just kind of wandering, mind racing. So Bdubs was some kind of npc- she vaguely knew what that meant. Non-playable. But how could a person be non-playable? It did seem like he has certain things that he said and did- a yes, and man to the extreme, which wasn’t too far off from the man she knew anyway. She had to wonder if being boogeyman hasn’t been part of the script, if that’s why he’d killed Skizz the instant he’d be chosen. But was that even what npc meant?

“But why have an npc?” She murmured to herself, wandering by a small cave opening.

“What did you just say?”

And faster then she’d ever seen him move, Martyn barreled out of the cave entrance, a wild look in his eyes. It was odd to see her old soulmate, and she almost expected a twinge of pain when he tripped over a rock in his hurry over to her.

“Martyn?”

“Cleo, please- did you just say npc?” Martyn was almost shaking, and held out his hands to her. She’d never seen him look so rattled.

“I- yeah.” She cringed, remembering Grian’s threats. “But that’s just between you and me. What, do you know something about that?”

“I- oh my god.” Martyn ran his fingers through his hair. “We need to talk right now. If you know what npc’s are, that changes everything. I- wow.”

“What on earth are you on about, Martyn?” Cleo asked, anxiety rising in her once again.

“I don’t know.” Martyn said. “Well, I do, kind of, it’s just… can we talk?” He gestured to his cave.

“I- yeah, I suppose so.” Cleo replied. It was almost funny, how they were teamed up together by necessity once more. But this seemed a lot bigger then their own souls. Cleo thought of Bdubs and his empty, wide eyes, and it steeled whatever resolve she had inside her.

“So, where to start…”

[gx-gameon]

Part 5 of Yugi raising Jaden

Start - previous - next

Mokuba had been kind enough to send them a car to come and pick them up. The drive was far shorter than the walk would have been. The three sat in relative silence on the way over. All thinking about what was to come once they reach Kaiba Corp.

The building was impressive. Jaden had never seen a building that tall and now he, Yugi, and Joey were going to head inside. But only he and Joey were going to leave.

Jaden didn’t want to admit the anxiety he was feeling. He’d already been abandoned by one set of parents. He knew Yugi wasn’t leaving forever. He had promised, even giving Jaden one of his cards so that Jaden knew he was coming back. But that didn’t mean Jaden wanted him to go in the first place.

When they arrived at the building Joey hopped out of the car with ease. Yugi moved to follow him, planning to help Jaden out once he was outside the car, when a little hand stopped him. He turned to see Jaden who now had a death grip on his shirt.

“Hey bud.” Yugi kept his voice soft. “Want me to pick you up?” Jaden gave a stiff nod, but it was all the confirmation that Yugi needed. He leaned forward and scooped up the little boy, carefully shuffling them both out of the car.

He could hear the driver radioing to Mokuba that they had arrived. He couldn’t hear Mokuba’s reply but the driver told them to head inside and that the younger Mr. Kaiba would meet them soon.

Yugi lead the way inside. Jaden was clinging to him, his little arms and legs wrapped tightly around Yugi’s neck and waist. His face buried into the crook of Yugi’s neck. And Yugi wished he didn’t have to leave him. His boy was scared. Jaden wouldn’t admit it but Yugi could tell he was scaring his son. But Kaiba needs to return, Mokuba needed his big brother, and Yugi needed answers about Jaden’s past. There was no way he couldn’t go. But the fear his little one was experiencing made him wish there was another way.

“Yugi you’re here! Are you ready to- oh.” Mokuba came running towards them. His excitement to get his brother back clear in his voice, but he cut himself off when he got a good look at them. At Jaden clinging to Yugi like a koala.

“Hey Mokuba. I’d like you to meet Jaden.” Yugi greeted their younger friend before turning his attention to the little boy in his arms. “Jaden,” he gently coaxed the boy to raise his head. “This is my friend Mokuba Kaiba.”

Jaden turned his attention to the 12 year old standing in front of them. Mokuba looked at the kid with a bit of awe. It was weird to see Yugi as a father. Not a bad thing, but Mokuba had lost his parent when he was so young, and Gozaburo was anything but fatherly. So Mokuba didn’t have any real ruler to measure fatherhood by. He was practically raised by Seto. But watching as Yugi gently introduced his son to him. As he coaxed him out of hiding and got the boy to smile and laugh, every movement was gentle and kind, as Yugi always was. It made him have a weird feeling in his stomach.

“Uh It’s nice to meet you.” Mokuba remembered his manners just in time to greet the now waving little boy. “Yugi are you ready to go?” He wanted to get this conversation back on track.

“I am. Jaden is going to stay with Joey.” Yugi explained nodding his head towards Joey who shot Mokuba a little two finger salute.

“Hey Mokuba.” He greeted casually.

“Hey Joey.” Mokuba returned the greeting but his eyes quickly tracked back to the little boy in Yugi’s arms. He had to be about the same age Mokuba was when he was adopted by Gozaburo. Mokuba couldn’t imagine going through that without Seto. But seeing how Jaden clung to Yugi the same way Mokuba used to cling to Seto, before Gozaburo worked his teachings into Seto’s heart, it made him realize something.

Yugi was Jaden’s Seto, Jaden’s protector. Mokuba was 12 years old and he still hated when Seto left him for to long a time period, one of the many reasons he was so desperate to bring Seto home, be he knows he was even worse when he was younger. Now he’s the one asking Jaden’s protector to abandon him. How was that fair? But no one else could go after Seto. There had to be something he could do to make this easier on the kid.

“They can stay here.” Mokuba practically shouted at them, taking Yugi and Joey back. Mokuba quickly realized what he had done and tried to regain control of himself. “Like we talked about earlier Jaden and Joey can stay here with me. That way they can get updates on your progress.” This way Jaden could know his protector was safe, and that he was coming home.

Yugi seemed to understand what Mokuba was offering. Mokuba wouldn’t put it past Yugi to know exactly why he was offering it to, he was just that good at reading people. Especially the Kaiba brothers. Yugi’s face softened. “That would be great Mokuba.” He replied before pivoting to Joey, “if it’s alright with you.”

“You kidding. We get to keep an eye on you and live off of rich-boy dime? Sign me up.” Joey was always great at keeping the mood light. While he would never pass up the opportunity to mess with Kaiba, he knew having a tab on Yugi would greatly decrease his own anxiety about the whole thing. And he was sure that it would help Jaden to.

“Then it’s settled. You to can stay with me until Yugi gets back. Now let’s head up.” Mokuba lead them to the elevator that took them to the top floor of the building, that is where the base of Kaiba’s devise lay.

The whole way up his eyes kept traveling to Yugi and Jaden. Yugi was quietly talking to the boy. Telling him stories about his other trips to Kaiba Corp, or just reassuring him that all would be well. And suddenly that funny feeling was back in Mokuba’s stomach.

It wasn’t until Jaden laughed at something that Yugi said, the two smiling softly at each other that Mokuba put together what he was feeling. He was jealous. Yugi had only had Jaden for a short time but he was already taking to the role of his father. He was kind and reassuring. Just in the short time that Mokuba had known about Jaden he could tell that Yugi already put the boy ahead of everything, as his only hesitation in chasing after Seto had been his concern for Jaden.

It made Mokuba wonder what it would have been like to grow up with such a comforting presence. He wondered how his life would have been different. How Seto would have been different, if they had ended up with a man like Yugi rather than a man like Gozaburo. Would Seto smile more? Would he still call him Moky? Mokuba loved his brother, and knew he worked hard for them to have the lives they did, but sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if they had stayed at that orphanage. And now watching Yugi and Jaden, he can’t help but wonder about what would have happened if someone like Yugi adopted them.

“You okay Mokuba?” Yugi asked drawing Mokuba back to the present. He looked up to see all three boys staring at him with varying degrees of worry.

“Yah, why?” Mokuba tried to shake it off. He was fine after all.

“Um, cause we’re at the top dude.” Joey said pointing to the open elevator doors. Mokuba’s cheeks burned. Oh he had really zoned out there huh.

“Mokuba it’s okay if you’re worried about Kaiba. We understand.” Yugi tried to reassure him, but Mokuba shook it off.

“There’s nothing to worry about.” That’s a lie. Why would he have dragged Yugi into this if he wasn’t worried, but Mokuba had been more concerned with covering up why he had zoned out. Now that the words have left his mouth though he realized how dumb they sounded and-

“You’re right.” Jaden spoke with confidence. “Yugi’s going to bring Mr. Kaiba back so there’s nothing to worry about, because Yugi always comes back to me.”

And Mokuba remembers having that level of confidence in Seto. He had that confidence in Seto when he left, but it’s been a month now… no Jaden was right. They were coming back. Yugi would bring Seto back. Because Yugi always comes back for Jaden and Seto always comes back for Mokuba.

“You’re right Jaden. Yugi will bring Seto back no problem.” Mokuba agreed. Yugi had never let Mokuba down. He wouldn’t start now, not with his own son’s faith in the line.

Mokuba turned and lead them towards the machine that would take Yugi to another dimension, to the afterlife.

Yugi was starting to get nervous. Having Jaden and Mokuba’s unwavering faith was nice. He just hoped he could live up to it.

Mokuba walked over to a machine on the side of the room and picked up a bracelet like thing. “Here Yugi hold out your wrist.” He called as he walked back over to them. Yugi balanced Jaden on his hip and held out his dominant hand (the one his duel disk wasn’t strapped to). Mokuba clasped the devise around his wrist and the thing lit up with a soft purple glow. “This will keep track of your vitals while you’re in the other dimension.” Mokuba explained.

Yugi nodded along understand the importance of such a device. He then watched as Mokuba made his way to the center of the room. A pod like devices sat in the center, it had a triangular shape with the point coming to the front and widening as it went back. The top had a dome like structure and he could see a chair inside of the contraption. Mokuba clicked a button and the machine opened up, the top separating from the bottom in front and raising up like a clam shell would.

“This is the how you’ll get to the other dimension. Once you’re inside we’ll start the sequence to send you after Seto.” Mokuba explained.

“So I guess this is it then?” Joey said as he walked over to Yugi and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Be careful out there.”

Yugi smiled brightly back at his friend. “When am I not?”

Joey chuckled. “I mean it Yug. I won’t be there to watch your back.” He paused then making sure he had his friend’s attention. “Just come back safe, and bring rich boy with you.” he tired to make it light with a joke at the end but his worry was bleeding through.

Yugi smiled warmly at his friend. “I’ll come back. Nothings going to stop me.” He then turned his attention to the little boy in his arms. He could see tears welling up in Jaden’s eyes but the boy wasn’t letting them fall yet. “Hey” he called to bring the boys attention to him. “I’m coming back. This isn’t ‘goodbye,’ it’s ‘I’ll see you soon.’ I promise.”

Jaden gave a shaky nod and a weak smile. “Okay.”

Yugi reach his free hand up and tangled it into Jaden’s hair, bring the little one’s forehead close and pressing a kiss to it. “I love you, Jaden. I’ll be back soon.”

Jaden wrapped his arms tightly around Yugi’s neck giving him one final hug. “I love you to.”

Joey moved to stand next to Yugi. With a little prompting Yugi got Jaden to release his grip and move over to Joey’s open arms. Joey propped Jaden on to his hip and shot a big smile at the boy and then at Yugi.

“You’ve got this Yug! We’ll be here waiting when you come back.” Joey cheered as he did a fist pump with his free hand. Then he turned his attention to Jaden, “right littlest buddy?” He said it with a confident smile and a warm tone encouraging Jaden.

The little boy followed his lead sending a big smile Yugi’s way and a little cheer. “Yep! Yugi always comes back.”

Yugi smiled back and moved to take his seat in the devise.

“Alright, we need to get to the control room.” Mokuba called leading Joey and Jaden away. Leaving Yugi alone for a moment while they got everything into position. His hand found its way to his deck, his fingers dancing over the lid as he sent a silent plea for strength and protection to his cards. He could feel their spirits rising to meet him, offering comfort and support. He could do this. He’d get there, find Kaiba, and come home.

“Yugi can you hear me?” He heard Mokuba call over the loud speakers. He looked up and he could see a glass panel on one of the walls that lead to the control room. He could see Mokuba standing next to the glass with Joey and Jaden next to him. Joey was pointing down at the pod and talking to Jaden, before he and the boy both waved to Yugi.

He smiled up at them and waved back. “I can hear you Mokuba.”

“Good. The pod is going to launch you up into the other dimension. Once you’re there a dimensional clone of the pod will stay where you landed. You need to find Seto and his pod. Once you do, get him into his pod and hit the return button, it’s the green one on the right.” Yugi looked over and saw a bright green button on the right of his pod. Thankfully it was the only green button there. “Once Seto is back you can head back to your pod. Just be carful if the pod gets destroyed I don’t have another way to bring you back.”

Yugi could hear the sound of a raised voice but couldn’t hear what they were saying. Looking up though he could see Joey looking at Mokuba and talking very animatedly, so he guessed that Joey was making his displeasure at that news known. “I understand.” He called to get them back on track. “Any time limit I need to worry about?”

“Nope. Just get home soon.” Mokuba responded over the noise on the other line.

“Got it. Well I’m off then. See you guys soon.” Yugi put as much confidence into his voice as he could, wanting to calm both Joey and Jaden’s nerves.

The pod lid closed down around him. He could hear the count down and then suddenly he was thrusted upwards. The glass lid of the pod allowed him to see what looked like space rushing by him at an incredible speed. The force knocking him back into his chair and he had to appreciate Kaiba’s decision to have the chair in a laid back position or else this pressure would be unbearable.

Then just as quickly as it started it ended. The scene in front of his pod was that of a beautiful blue sky. He opened up the pod and looked around and was hit with some serious déjà vu as the desert sand and scenery reminded him of the memory world. He could see a city and palace not far from him and had a feeling deep in his chest, one he almost forgot how it felt, that Atem was there.

He was going to see Atem again.

[twighdark]

The more I think about my childhood, especially my primary school to early middle school years, i realize how messed up they actually were and I just didn’t notice thanks to my neurodivergency.

I was bullied, relentlessly. Not in the “gimme your lunch-money”-way, but in the *giving extremely convoluted game rules so you’ll get frustrated and leave* kinda way. The kids who I considered friends only kept me around for a handful of reasons:

- free entertainment because I was “too stupid” to notice them tricking/making fun of me,

- defending them against teachers since I was a good student and had some more breathing space,

- doing the homework they didn’t wanna do because it was “too hard” for them, and I just wanted to help,

- asking me favours they knew I wouldn’t come to collect,

- an extra birthday party to attend, and finally:

- me being far too understanding and not angry when they didn’t want me around for any reason.

The moment we hit 5th grade, the boy who I considered to be my best friend told me flat-out that he was not interested in being friends anymore. It hurt badly, especially since he was so nonchalant about it, but I just rationalized it away. we’d be in different classes, after all.

Nope, he had just never really thought of me as an actual friend at all. Turns out his grandmother had put him up to it, since she “felt sorry” for me.

A “good-luck letter” that we were supposed to write to one of our friends at the end of 4th grade, since some of us would be going to other schools, came from my homeroom teacher while I wrote something for said friend. But that was okay, since everyone else had already figured out who was writing to whom, and I had just been to slow to join a group.

Nope, they deliberately exluded me, since nobody was interested in writing to the weird, fat kid, and my teacher felt sorry for me.

In general, the only reason why adults always seemed to favour my opinion was because it coincided with theirs. I was a nice, hardworking, undisruptive student. I was an “old soul”. I was convenient. I was such a social outcast that they, while they felt sorry for me, could guiltlessly use me as the joykill rule-enforcer, since my social standing couldn’t possibly get any lower and I happily and dutifully followed every rule there was.

So much more stuff happened, or didn’t happen that should have, that this post could go on forever. And I didn’t even notice it until I was around 17, already better integrated into my environment because I finally perfected my mask. For the most part. Still fat, still a little clueless, but acceptably so. I found that letter from my teacher again. I broke down crying because I finally understood that back then, my “friends” couldn’t have cared less and I was always just a charity case to the teachers.

In the end, I grew either smart, confident, or manipulative enough to not be messed with anymore. I lost a good chunk of my genuine kindness to those changes, and the changes hurt. I had to reinvent my whole personality and approach just to not be the clueless laughing stock anymore, and I lost a lot of myself in the process.

I got some genuine friends later on who are mostly, ya guessed it, also neurodivergent. I still struggle with differentiating which parts of me were actually there in the first place, and which parts I had to build out of self defense, because those are the ones that give me breakdowns.

I spent the majority of my life thinking I just had a normal childhood. The moment the truth hit me, so many of my mannerisms, my anxieties, my traumas, finally made sense. And I’m still reeling from it. Likely will be for the rest of my life.

So for the record:

Kids are far more cruel than you might think, kids behaving more like adults than kids is NOT normal or healthy, and if you’re neurodivergent and think your symptoms only showed up once you were a teen or older, reconsider. Chances are, a lot of trauma responses actually stem from stuff you didn’t even notice at first.

[bots-and-cons]

What type of soulmate AU do you think Optimus prime would have (timer, red string, tattoo, first words, etc), what are his opinions? Would he be opposed to meeting his soulmate? Would he try to avoid them? (Gn human reader preferably ^^)

Uuu, I’ve maybe done one soulmate thing in this blog, but I’m not sure. I really like soulmate AU stuff though and I feel like this was sort of funny to write. Idk if this is actually funny to anyone but me but hey, at least I had fun. Pretty long for HCs and might have gone a bit off track also, but eh. If you want to me to find the other soulmate thing you can ask but you can also just check the masterlist in the pinned post and look for it yourself, I’m pretty sure it’s an OP or a Ratchet one

•I think I like the whole first words thing for him

•Optimus was incredibly confused when he read the words etched onto his wrist for the first time

•To his surprise he didn’t understand a word, because it wasn’t cybertronian it was some language that was foreign to him at the time

•When he eventually came to earth and learned english he was quite perplexed by the fact that it was of a human language, a single word in english that decorated his wrist

•”Quack?” was what it said

•He of course soon realized this either meant his soulmate was a human, or some autobot or a decepticon he had yet to meet that was also on earth and was using english

•The sentence itself had him quite convinced that his soulmate was indeed a human

•Optimus of course turned out to be right about that

•You’d been wondering your whole damn life what the hell the words on your wrist meant

•What situation could you possibly get yourself into, where someone had to tell you “Duck!”

•There was an exclamation point and everything, so were you going to get attacked by a duck and someone was going to warn you or something

•A lot of people made fun of you because of the word you had, many people came up with all kinds of crazy/stupid scenarios for it, but you never really found any of them funny or realistic

•But none of them would come even close to how crazy it was when it actually happened

•Optimus honestly wished he wouldn’t meet you, he didn’t want another person he cared about for Megatron to hurt

•He got really anxious about it for a while, and when he did eventually meet you the anxiety got even worse

•So, how did you actually end up meeting your soulmate?

•It was just about the worst day of your life, you were out for a walk, because your head couldn’t handle being cooped up at home anymore and you ended in some remote part of a park on the edge of town

•You saw some weird lights in the woods nearby and your curiosity got the better of you so you went to investigate

•You had no idea what you were looking at at first

•There were these light projectiles going back and forth and the sound of metal scraping on metal

•Then you heard it, someone yelling “Duck!” at you, you didn’t realize it was a command to move so you just meekly went “Quack?” because of course that’s a reasonable reaction

•Then you got swept of your feet by something very big and got pushed to the side

•Optimus just froze when he heard you say that, because he knew what it meant

•He’d found his soulmate in the first possible moment, in the middle of battle

•The autobots had to retreat and Optimus grabbed you to take you with him, because he couldn’t just leave you there with the cons, you were just a tiny human and they would’ve surely hurt you

•At some point you’d just closed your eyes and the next time you opened them was when you were set down on something soft

•You were sitting on a couch, in some place you didn’t recognize and surrounded by some huge robot looking things

•Since there was no one else around, you figured your soulmate had to be one of them, but since you’d closed your eyes, you hadn’t seen who’d talked to you before

•So you go taken in by the autobots, but it was weeks before Optimus admitted he was your soulmate, because he was terrified or the consequences 

•Optimus felt like if he didn’t tell you, you would be safer, that maybe you wouldn’t be targeted if nobody knew

•He most definitely did not want you to get involved with him, but of course fate had other plans

[nerves-nebula]

As a kid I noticed that no one liked the ends of bread loafs so I decided I wouldn’t let it go to waste or let anyone feel bad about not eating it. I also make myself milk shakes with bruised fruits, eat the icing no one wants off cupcakes for people & eat leftovers when I think whoever bought them must’ve forgotten about them. I often have to take a moment to decide if I can really handle these things (or to check if it’s truly unsuitable for consumption, I may tolerate stale bread but I will not eat mold… on purpose) & to prepare myself mentally to do so. I’m really good at acting like I’m just a silly goof tho so everyone thinks that I just really like eating weird things (which is partly true)

I was just wondering if any of the turtles might find themselves doing something like that. Raph would probably be the most likely, especially for the same reasons as me but I’ve also been seeing a lot of asks recently saying he has food sensory issues like Donnie? (Did you make a post about that because I feel like I’m missing something) I could also see Mikey having my weird food habits w/ how I cover it up

Ik your own sensory issues make answering food asks hard so don’t worry if you’re not sure how to answer this, just something I thought about yk?

i once drank like most of a cup of paint water. i dont remember why, i think it was an impulsive thing, and once i realized i'd been FORCED to eat worse tasting stuff I chugged it to make my friend laugh. then our teacher got freaked out cause like what if i just poisoned myself. not food, but an interesting story this reminded me of.

anyway, generally i tend to slot the turtles into these three categories when thinking about their relationships to food:

Will eat mostly anything: Raph (he's god food anxiety, if something can be considered Food he will eat it, possibly binge if there's too much, and hoard for later if he thinks he can), Mikey (enjoys food/isnt picky, will go out of his way to make food abominations to irritate/disgust his brothers)

Will eat a normal range of foods: Leo (probably the most normal attitude around food because she never starved as much as the others and he doesn't have a ton of sensory issues. still has some food anxiety & has trouble sharing, but she's pretty chill about it.)

Has a very strict set of safe foods: Donnie (a lot of sensory issues, a lot of being forced to eat things he cant stand, he has a lot of stress about being forced to eat new foods. if he tries something you say is good its likely that it means he trusts you- or at least cares enough about your opinion to give it a shot)

I don't remember everything I've said about the turtles, so it's possible I planned for Raph to have food sensory issues at some point but he doesn't as far as i remember. Honestly, his main stuff about food is bingeing, starvation, hoarding, not letting food go to waste, and his guilt about having cannibalistic intrusive thoughts.

Point is that it sounds like Raph would be closest to what you're doing here. Raph wouldn't wanna waste food EVER and he might even get triggered when other people do hah.

[coro-chan6]

Somehow Supernatural

Chapter 2: It's All Starting to Feel Real

Tags: poc!oc, gn!oc, teen!oc, panic attack, heavy cursing, Dean always needs his own warning, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety, Cas not taking a hint, Deanstiel (or whatever the fuck Dean and Cas's ship name is), general chaos

Summary: The Winchesters and Cas have a meeting about Casey. It doesn't go too well, and Casey realizes what shit their stuck in.

Words: 2,675

I kinda felt like I was gonna vomit. Not because I needed to vomit, but because my tum-tum was doing flips and turns like a fucking rollercoaster due to my crippling anxiety. Usually, I would do little exercises that helped me regulate like my mom taught me, but that just reminded me that I was in a different universe where I might not be able to see my mom - or anyone I knew in real life - ever again. These consistent, little thoughts did not help my already upside-down stomach.

I was sitting in the bunker, in the room with the table that has the big map of the world. I liked to call this room the “meeting room” when I watched the show because… they met people in the meeting room. Come on, it was like the foyer of the bunker so everyone had to pass through it to fight and argue and shiz.

Anyway, I was sitting in the meeting room surrounded by men that I never thought I’d ever meet in person. Maybe the reason for my anxious tum was because of the “omg-smexy-men-are-staring-at-me” effect. If so… give me an anxiety stomach ache every day.

Dean sat straight across from me at the map table. Even though he wasn’t in pouncing position anymore, he was still on guard; which, I mean, valid. All that shit he’s gone through definitely made him a tough cookie. 

Castiel was standing right behind Dean’s chair like a guardian angel. I mean, literally right behind. He was basically breathing down the hunter's neck. Maybe he liked the smell.

And Sam.

Oh. Sammy. Boy!

He had his ass sat directly on the table and was staring at me in wonder. Sam’s hair was hanging in his face at an angle that was just… perfect. It was also the perfect length, not short enough to make him look like he was 15 and not long enough where he looked crusty. Did I mention that he looked fucking perfect? Honestly, if I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought Sam was the angel.

No offense, Cas.

All three attractive men were gathered around the meeting table to discuss me. Me! I was kinda feeling myself and basking in the attention that I was getting from multiple hot men before I realized something a bit alarming.

Dean, Castiel, and Sam… were deciding what to do with me. I wouldn’t put it past Dean if he decided to kill me or abandon me in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. He doesn’t seem like the type to have a father instinct for just some random teen.

…or maybe whoever’s body I’m occupying is important to him.

“Y’all gonna talk or just stare?” I asked. Yes, during my whole internal monologue full of ogling men and withering away from anxiety, not a single person talked. They gave each other looks, but they didn’t utter a word. 

Someone finally decided to speak up after realizing how weird they were being.

“So…” Sam started. He had his hand thoughtfully under his chin. I thought I might mention it because it almost took me out, “You just appeared out of nowhere?”

“I mean, I guess so. I’m just as confused as you guys are,” I spin in my chair, “Honestly, I thought I was just having one of my regularly scheduled psychedelic dreams but then, I woke up with Dean in my face.”

“A dream?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, dude, a dream. I was basically floating in this void and then I started hearing someone telling me to wake up and then… Dean’s face.” I took another twirl in my chair. 

The guys looked like they were trying to solve a puzzle. They had their thinking caps on full blast, you should have seen their faces. 

“Did you try the usual holy water, sliver, cross stuff?” Sam turned to Dean in question.

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

I get trying to make sure I’m not a bad type of baddie, but he could have used his non-dominant hand so it wouldn’t be as hard cause damn. That shit really hurt.

“They didn’t try to attack you?” Sam continued.

“No.”

“Then, I think we should be good for now. We can let them stay here since they seem discombobulated,” Bless you, Sam. You’re the greatest of all these fuckers.

“But if they try anything, they're out,” Cas nodded along with Dean’s words. The angel barely even looked like he was listening to what Dean was actually saying, “And if we figure out you were lying about who you are, I will find a way to send you to hell. Trust me.” 

Go shit on a brick, Dean. And you too Cas, agreeing with Dean like a lost puppy. 

“Okay…” I muttered. I didn’t really like the idea of dying, especially if it was in someone else’s body, but what could I have done? Said no? Been kicked to the curb? I’m not really worth anything to them so-

…wait.

“You never told me, whose body is this?” 

All of a sudden, it got a little awkward. Sam’s cheeks were pink and Dean was avoiding my eyes. Even Cas looked a little weird.

“Well-” Dean started.

“We-” 

“Sam found the kid on a hunt and couldn’t help but save them. They almost died, but Sammy got Cas to heal them,” Dean blurted. Sam’s face turned a dark red now that the truth was out to the masses.

“W-well you cared about them enough to train them!” Sam retorted. Now it was Dean’s turn for a red face. 

“You brought them stacks of books!”

“You made them your big bacon breakfast…three times! I can barely get you to cook for me!”

“You eat salad. I’m not making a fucking salad for a meal!” 

“It’s good for your body! Your body will rot away from all the red meat you eat!”

“At least I’m not eating rabbits' food!”

“You know,” Cas finally piped up, “The kid was bound to die.”

Silence. Damn, dude. That was a bit harsh, wasn’t it? From what I heard just now, the Winchester brothers really liked this kid. It kind of makes me feel bad for pushing them from their own body, but… what was Cas saying?

“They were meant to die the night of the hunt. Right on the floor of their living room where you found them. It was their fate. It was a miracle I was able to heal them and it was almost impossible for them to survive a month like they did,” Sam and Dean were getting pissed. Castiel - bless his heart - didn’t seem to notice, “They were never supposed to have formed relations with you two because you weren’t supposed to meet them while they were still alive.”

Poor Cas and his sucky communication skills. Now due to his harsh words, the angel’s collar was being winkled by Dean’s man hands. Castiel didn’t look alarmed at all. I wasn’t sure if it was because Dean was a mere human or because the majority of the Supernatural fandom was right about these two.

“Shut up,” Dean seethed. Sam was hovering behind Dean either waiting his turn to get a lick in or making sure Dean didn’t take it too far. I was now feeling really bad because this was all making a bit of sense. I finally understood why Castiel didn’t seem fazed by my sudden appearance, why he’s been saying all this shit about how this person should be dead already.

Speaking of Castiel, he was just letting Dean choke him up against the table. I knew he didn’t really need my help in the situation, but I was starting to feel a little awkward just sitting there. It’s way different seeing these men fight when they’re on screen and I’m in a whole other world looking like a mole rat on my couch. 

With courage that I didn’t know I had, I muttered, “Guys… I need to take a shit. Real bad.”

Three pairs of eyes turned to look at me in… surprise? Disgust? Both? It didn’t really matter what they thought of my statement, all that mattered was Castiel’s insensitive words were forgotten. For now.

Fingers combing through his hair, Sam sighed, “Come on then,” he said, walking off. He expected me to follow him and I did. To the best of my ability. He’s got long fucking legs, so he’s got even longer fucking strides. I had to practically run and I’m of average height!

Sam finally stopped at the door to the bathroom. I didn’t actually have to shit, but I figured I could use this opportunity of aloneness to recoup, realign, and do all things zen. 

Closing the door to the bathroom, I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad weird yet, but it was weird. I never thought I would travel to a different universe. I never thought I would ever meet the Winchesters. I never thought I would get to walk with my own two feet - mostly - through the bunker that I’ve adored for years. 

What the hell brought me here? I wasn’t really complaining, but I still have to wonder. Was this planned? Was this person’s body kept alive for me to go in it? Do I have to save this world somehow? Am I connected to something here? Was this fate like Castiel mentioned?

I sat on the toilet seat feeling pretty lost. I wasn’t sure why it was so bright in the fucking bathroom, but it was bothering me so I slammed my face onto my lap. It was dark and warm and what I really needed at the moment. 

I know, a really sharp change in my emotions, but that’s just how it be sometimes. Perhaps being alone right now wasn’t the best decision. Usually, being alone worked, but now it felt like there were 20-pound weights on my shoulders, and it was getting kind of hard to breathe. It was also really hot, so I started squirming on the toilet seat like that was gonna cool me off.  I don’t know what I thinking because that’s not how heat works.

Then, I thought I could sit on the floor and continue my deep ponder about how the fuck I got into this situation, but I finally realized I was having a panic attack and didn’t really want to move. I found that if I moved, I would black out or it would be 10 times worse, but who knows, maybe this body works differently.

So, I moved to the floor. The floor was nice and cool, but then I started thinking about spiders because I was on the floor in an underground bathroom and spiders here really made sense. I wanted to get back on the toilet, but my body didn’t wanna listen. So now, I was a lump of a human on the bathroom floor that was probably shivering, but I couldn’t really feel my body anymore.

I wonder why when my body’s panicking my thoughts are calmer than when my body’s not panicking. It doesn’t really make sense. Like, none of my thoughts were screaming at me or telling me to do stupid shit. They were just calmly saying stuff like ‘you should get up’ or ‘there might be spiders here’ or ‘your probably gonna die, but take your time’. 

Yeah, the calm thoughts were definitely worst.

Now I recognized the feeling of tears falling down my face and I felt pretty pathetic. I mean, what the fuck was I crying for? Nothing was wrong. They hadn’t killed me yet. I’d always wanted to travel to another world, but I guess my body couldn’t take it. Wait! This wasn’t even my fucking body!

“So goddamn pathetic,” I wheezed. My right cheek was pressed against the floor and when I talked I could feel the tears smearing all over the place and it gave me the ick, but I couldn’t stop myself from crying. 

I love to mention the fact that I have a superiority complex, but I never talk about the opposite of that. My dandy ‘you’re a fucking loser and will never do anything in your life’ complex. It always sneaks up on me at the worst times, like when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself in another universe for crying out loud, and makes me feel more worthless than - fucking - everything. It makes me wanna crawl into a hole and never come back out.

Feeling worthless and having a panic attack simultaneously isn’t the best. It means not only can you not breathe, but you also don’t feel like trying. So, I laid on the floor of the bathroom and didn’t do any of the breathing exercises that my therapist taught me. I just waited to black out.

“Hey, kid, you doing okay in there?” Sam’s voice sounded so far away. I could barely hear it. My lungs were starting to hurt from lack of air, so I curled my aching body into a pathetic little ball.

Pathetic.

“Did you hear me?” Sam sounded. I didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t surprised when I heard his footsteps getting farther from the door. Of course, he would abandon me. Even I would abandon myself. I was so damn pathetic that I didn’t deserve to be cared for.

Bang!

“Kid! What the hell?” Sam’s voice was now closer. Was it odd that I could smell him? Was I really that desperate for someone that I was imagining things?

So fucking pathetic.

Strong arms lifted me off the floor. I was now pushed against a firm chest and not cold tiles. I don’t think I was imagining this, but I wasn’t gonna get my hopes up. I couldn’t see much because of the tears, so I just snuggled deeper into Sam’s flannel.

More footsteps approached. More voices.

“What the hell happened?”

“They were in the bathroom and I heard sobbing, but they wouldn’t answer the door.”

“Are they hurt?” 

“No, I think they’re having a panic attack.”

“A what?”

“A panic attack, Dean. I’m just gonna get them to lay down somewhere other than the floor.”

“The floor? Did they pass out?”

Sam brushed my hair back to see my face, “Maybe. They’re awake now.”

When we got to the couch, Sam put me down and crouched in front of me. He was looking into my eyes while I was trying to look at his. 

“Breathe with me,” Sam whispered gently. 

I tried to do what he said, but my lungs were burning. Every breath I tried to take would come out shaky or devolve into a sob. Sam slowly took my hands, giving me a chance to pull away, and continued breathing with me. It took a while, but soon I was breathing steadily and my crying had stopped.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

I nodded.

“You want some water?” 

I nodded again.

“Dean?” Sam turned to his brother that was standing behind him, “Mind getting them some water?”

Before Dean could move Castiel appeared with a glass of water in hand. I hadn’t even noticed he had left. The angel handed me the glass and while I gulped it down, he stayed hovered over me. He looked really worried, but I wasn’t sure why.

“Does this happen a lot?” Sam questioned. His hand was still holding one of mine. It was comforting.

“Yeah,” I croaked, “No big deal.”

“Is there something wrong with them?” The shorter brother asked.

“Nah, I’m just kinda sensitive,” I huffed, “Kind of hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with that in this body.”

“Sorry you have to,” said Sam, “I know how it feels.”

Well, well, well. One of my personal headcannons was true. 

I gave Sam a smile and finally let go of his hand. I didn’t really wanna talk about this anymore.

“So, you guys got anything to eat?”

I used my own experience with panic attacks to write the scene in this chapter, so if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

AN: loved this chapter sm. I really like the tone of this fanfiction and I'm gonna try to keep it like this so when it gets dark... well- it doesn't get too depressing.

Hope you enjoyed!

[ninjaneonleon]

Honestly, Leo was in awe of all the other versions of his family scattered around the large arena. He was pretty sure he’d seen some of them that looked human—he wasn’t sure how that was a thing—he’d seen a few that looked to be different species of turtle, and somewhere across the arena he had seen a version of himself covered in bandages with a dead look in his eye. That guy scared him. He hoped they didn’t come face to face. Even so, this whole competition was so cool!

Donnie had ridden his robot horse in the last heat, and of course it had exploded right at the finish line. The Leo he’d been riding against apparently had fallen off just before the finish line, meaning the two turtles crossed the line together without their horses. Leo had suspected the other Leo had been a little ahead of his Donnie but it was decided to be a tie. He wasn’t sure what that would mean for his team but Leo was more than happy to keep mingling while he waited to find out.

He spotted the duo watching the heat from the other stand. An older Leo and an older Mikey. They weren’t the only two older versions around but for some reason, they stood out to Leo. Maybe because they had been cheering on their little Leo with so much enthusiasm.

Being the analyst he was, Leo decided to see what he could figure out about them. First thing to note: malnutrition. They hadn’t been eating well for a long while. It made them seem older than they first appeared, especially the older Mikey with his white tufts of hair sticking out a little crazily out the side of this head. Without the malnutrition factors, Leo would place them to be in their fourties.

Big Leo kept glancing around and Big Mikey was tense, his hands twitching and his body ready. Huh. Anxiety maybe? Or wait, no, PTSD of some description. They were used to being in high-stress environments and this inter dimensional silliness was setting them on edge.

That trauma idea was further backed up when Leo realized that Big Leo had a stump for an arm and that one of Big Mikey’s legs was a prosthetic. It was weird though. Leo hadn’t been able to tell it was fake.

Wait, he just saw the toes on the prosthetic wiggle when Big Mikey stretched.

No. Way.

Leo’s body reacted before he realized what he was doing. He zapped closer to the duo, waving his arms to get their attention so he didn’t spook them. “Hey! Hi! Can I talk to you guys for a sec?”

Big Leo blinked then shrugged, hopping easily down from the stands. Big Mikey just floated down easily. Leo knew that his Mikey would manage to get that kinda thing, being able to float, under control eventually.

“Hey, uh, Leo? How can we help?” Big Leo asked.

“Hi! I think your team is against my team,” Leo started, flapping his hands to try and keep his energy in check. “I just have a weird question. Can I see your prosthetic?” He looked at Big Mikey, eyes wide and excited.

The box turtle looked stunned for a second before shifting and showing off the metal leg. It seemed to be connected directly to the stump somehow and Leo noted how the ankle joint definitely wouldn’t move like that without input. Oh Pizza Supreme, it was just as he thought!

“This is amazing! Is it controlled by your muscular structure or your nervous system? Is it heavy? It can clearly take some abuse. It’s been through a lot but it’s still running so smoothly. Oh, is it powered through kinetics or does it have an internal power system?”

Leo’s questions were cut off by a small snort. “Since when can any Leo speak technobabble?” Big Mikey joked. Then he took a breath. “Let’s start at the beginning. I’m Angelo, he’s Leon. We’re from a Kraang timeline. That’s how we lost our limbs.”

“What’s a Kraang?” Leo asked with a frown. He didn’t miss how the older turtles’ eyes widened but that wasn’t important right now. “Tell me later. I just need to know how you guys did it! That level of integration with your prosthesis isn’t going to be viable for decades! Maybe even a century! It’s so smooth and behaving like a normal limb.”

“Well, our Donnie—”

“Oh, shoot, right. Hold that thought.” Leo turned and picked out where his Donnie, covered with soot and somewhat bruised, was standing. “Fizzy!” Leo called before zapping over, grabbing Donnie, and zapping back. “Sorry, I know my twin will want to hear this too. Please continue.”

“Nardo, what are you doing? I was waiting for the resul— Oh. Is that—”

“A fully integrated prosthesis with a full range of natural motion, seemingly controlled by a nervous system? Yes, I believe it is,” Leo said as cut Donnie off with a grin. “That’s why I brought you over here. Angelo and Leon were about to explain.”

“You have my interest. Please continue.” Donnie gestured to the two older turtles, leaning against Leo. There was a pause as Leon and Angleo studied him and his twin. Angleo opened his mouth to say something when a bell cut him off.

“Attention, please. All ties will now be resolved by the tied teams teaming up! The next round is karaoke so everyone rest your voices!”

“Guess that means we’re a team now.” Leon chuckled. “C’mon. Let me grab our Leo and his bros and you can grab your brothers, then we can all get some food while Angelo explains the prosthetic.”

Leo lit up. “Awesome! C’mon, Fizz, let’s go!”

———————

So this has my and @geniusbuilttm version of Leo and Donnie meeting @newellthedragon ‘s future Leo and mikey. Go check out her stuff, it’s super cool!

Vote for Surp-rise! And An Arm and a Leg in @tmntausummit !

[centipede-anon]

Chapter 2 under the cut

Peppino woke up surprised that he even woke up at all. The place he woke up in was unbeknownst to him, however. It was soft and squishy and very warm. Despite the oddity, it was a nice break from the constant cold. Though he needed food, very quickly. He started feeling around to find an exit, though the walls glowed, it was a faint glow. It reminded him of the stars in a way.

As he kneaded the floor and walls to find some sort of exit or something, he started to hear a loud purring sound. He tried reasoning that there was some large animal nearby but that reasoning didn’t go any further as soon as he felt and heard a growl, a stomach’s growl. He immediately started struggling. Whatever had eaten him and had a stomach this large would most certainly not care for his struggling and just saw him as more nutrition. Of course though, there was no acid in here, not that he realized it. Once Peppino gets into this sort of anxiety, he has a hard time realizing what’s going on.

After a while of struggling however, he feels a squeeze around him as he gets pushed upwards. The air outside is freezing and generally unpleasant. Almost as soon as Peppino is in this creature’s mouth, a massive hand grabs him and holds him in a firm grasp. He’s scared to open his eyes, but eventually he does.

What he sees isn’t a beast that he’s unfamiliar with, instead it’s… Fake Peppino? No it couldn’t be him. He was so big. “What… who are you? Are you that weird clone from the tower? What happened to you?” He asks many questions in his confusion, as Fake Peppino is currently about 50 feet tall. He remembers him being about 8 feet tall, an abnormal height for sure, but he was never this big. “!tol a etiuq noitisopmoc citeneg ym egnahc did noitaidar taht lla sseug I ?em rebmemer ton uoy oD”, he spoke in the same backwards way he remembers the clone speaking in. “So I’ll take that as you’re the same clone, but how’d you get so big? Actually, why am I even asking you? I wouldn’t understand what you’d say anyways.”

Fake Peppino looked quite sad at the fact that Peppino couldn’t understand him. Peppino crossed his arms in frustration at this before curling as best as he could in pain from hunger. “?gnorw s’tahW” Luckily, Peppino could interpret this from the tone of the other’s voice, “I’m so hungry… do you have any food?” Fake Peppino immediately put Peppino back in his mouth, but didn’t swallow him. The whiplash of the temperature hit Peppino like a truck as he curled in on himself further, “Bit of a warning next time!?” Fake Peppino simply whimpered in apology as he started running towards a cave he’d made into his home.

Fake Peppino brought his head to the ground and opened his mouth to let out Peppino when they got to where he puts everything he collects. Peppino looks around and steps out of the clone’s mouth. Inside this little section of the cave was some wood, luckily of the dry variety, a broken radio, and some other things that Peppino didn’t really care for. In the middle of this, however, was a whole bear that he guesses that the fake either killed or found and for some reason brought here.

Looking back, he sees Fake Peppino, hunched in his own home so he can fit. Fake Peppino nods towards the bear with a goopy smile to signify that he could eat it. Peppino immediately started searching around for something to cut the bear open with. Eventually, he finds a chef’s knife, I think this was actually one of his old ones before he threw it out the door at a thief. He cut into the bear to cut himself a loin. He took off the fur as well, don’t worry. With his minimal survival skills, Peppino started a small fire with the wood that was there. He cut tiny strands of wood off a log so the fire would have some better kindling, not the best knife for this but it was better than peeling wood with his hands. Afterwards, he made a sort of teepee shape with the wood, since it burns better in that shape. Then, he rubbed a stick between his hands and up against a log that he placed under the teepee with some kindling around it. He managed to get a small fire going and waited until it got bigger, then stuck the bear loin onto his knife and cooked it over the fire.

Fake Peppino looked really interested by this whole process and seemed to like the warmth of the fire even though it seems he was kinda immune to cold. While he was cooking, Peppino asked him a question, “So… why’d you eat me? I know you’re gonna say it backwards or something but… I don’t know, I guess I just wanna know that there was a reason.” Fake Peppino looked around before getting up. “Where are you going?” Peppino watched the other closely as Fake Peppino grabbed a large notepad. It was small for him, yeah, but he could write in it. He grabbed one of those comically large pencils and wrote something. He flipped the pad after a second, it had the words, “safe inside” on it. “Wh-what the! Safe!? You know that I could’ve died there, right?!” Peppino berated him. Fake Peppino shook his head no and pointed to the word safe again. “Dude, do you not know that that’s where things go to digest? I was lucky I didn’t land in acid and die!” Peppino yelled again. Fake shook his head again and flipped a page, he wrote down, “not stomach.” “What? What is it then?” Peppino asks a little more calmly, he flips the bear loin. Fake turns the page again and writes, “holding pouch”, he flips it again, “keep important stuff”. “Wait, wait, wait, a holding pouch? What do you just not have a need for food then? Or is your stomach much smaller?” Peppino looks very confused. Fake Peppino just nods his head yes.

Peppino gives him one more confused look before simply cooking the meat for the last few minutes. Eventually, it’s done and Peppino chows down. It tastes horrible and is tough, but food is food. He finishes it up and says, “Well, thanks for saving me… I guess. I have to get back to the pizzeria, the fire's almost out and it’ll be cold after. Can I take the bear also?” Fake Peppino gives him a look before writing, “not safe there, safe inside.” “I know it’s safer here, but… that place was my livelihood and it’s still my pride and joy. Don’t got anywhere else to go anyways”, Peppino explains. The Fale simply shakes his head no and wraps his tongue around Peppino. He swallows him down like he’s a pill or something. Peppino struggles a bit until he reaches his so-called “holding pouch”. He looks around and notices that the other was right, there’s no stomach acid. He kinda realizes that if there was acid he would’ve felt it when he woke up and felt around or would’ve died in his sleep.

The place was surprisingly clean, there was no saliva here and it was large, about that size of his restaurant’s lobby and maybe even a bit of the kitchen. Peppino’s still really tired, despite his nap that landed him in Fake Peppino the first time, he still felt exhausted. He found a fold in his pouch and nestled himself into it.

Just before he went to sleep Peppino said, “Hey… sorry for doubting you earlier. Sorry if I came off as mean also, I was really scared. So… sorry about that.” Fake Peppino purrs after hearing this. The soothing noise and the warmth and comfort of his pouch let him have a truly peaceful sleep for the first time in a while.

[sweetmusingss]

Oscar shook his head at you when hearing what you said, it breaking his heart to think that you wouldn't be accepted by his family and immediately embraced. "No, it's not like that at all.. I promise no one is going to think that and if they did for some reason, I would immediately set them straight. You never realized any of it hurt me. And I should have been braver and told you how I felt years ago. I know that you just didn't know how I felt and you just didn't realize why we always had this connection. We can take things slow here though. There's no pressure and if any of this ever feels too overwhelming for you, please just tell me. I know it's not exactly common for someone to get into a new relationship and then fly across the world with them," he said, laughing nervously, afraid that you were regretting this whole trip. "My parents are going to be happy for us because I am happy, Nay."

I wanted to believe him, I really did, but it was hard. How could his parents not see me as the girl who used their son for her own selfish needs and wants? “I love you.” I step closer to him, burying my face in his chest and hugging him tight, clinging to him before taking a deep breath and taking a step back, reaching out for one of his hands with both of mine. “Okay, I’m good… I promise. I might just get a little overwhelmed when we’re in there.” I had never been one to be anxious, that being one of the reasons why Oscar and I got along so well, I was always his social anxiety buffer. But in this situation, the roles were reversed. I was usually the one encouraging Oscar to meet new people and come out to bars and clubs. “How scary can two adult koalas be?” I give him a small smile, squeezing his hand as he grabs the bags again, following him inside.

__

"Well, I am hoping to be there every race weekend and he better stay the hell away from me because I will not hesitate to tell him how scummy I think he is," I say, running my fingers through your hair. "I have only seen you race once and maybe watched some highlights on my phone earlier while you were gone," I say. "But you are so damn talented and you know what? That is because of you. And I could not be prouder of you. I can't wait to see you win and scream from the rooftops how amazing my man is," I smile shyly at you. I nod at you when hearing what you said. "Of course. Just let me know the time and place and I will be there to make sure you have food and lots of kisses. And besides, when you win a race, I am going out to celebrate with you. We can celebrate in public and in bed," I smirk at you, brushing my lips lightly against yours.

“I’m actually as good as I am because of him… if he wasn’t so tough on me, I wouldn’t have the drive and determination I do now. He’s the reason I’m so resilient. I mean, any kid who gets left at gas stations if they came in second in a race would become resilient.” Max knew his childhood trauma was out there for the world to know, so he didn’t feel weird saying little specific anecdotes about it here and there. “I haven’t properly celebrated a win in a really long time… I can’t wait to celebrate properly with you.” He wiggles his brows, smirking against your lips as you kiss him, his hands gripping your waist as he kisses you back just as softly and gently. “Do you want to have some wine and see the rest of my boat?”

[rissararity]

Little Soldats - BuckyBarnes/OC

By RissaRarity

(NSFW, Dead dove do not eat. Rape/forced breeding, unprotected P/V sex, Non-consentual drug use, 18+ only)

CHAPTER SIX

The following day the shower was already running by the time Vanessa awoke.  She frowned as her hand fumbled around the empty side of the bed that was still warm.

She wondered who was in the shower- James or the winter soldier.

Anxiety settled firmly in her stomach as she packed up and set the bags by the door. Luckily she didn’t have to wait long for the water to turn off and soon the man emerged, dried and dressed casually, hair stylishly pushed back.

Kind sky blue eyes looked at her with a small smile, “Mornin’ Doll.”

She released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and said good morning back, grabbing the clothes she left out and swapping to take a shower as well while he packed and loaded the car – being sure to leave a grocery bag for her pajamas after her shower.

Before she knew it, they were in the car and on their way to New York – the final leg of their road trip.

James had been eerily quiet while he drove, the air in the car was tense. “Can I ask…” she began, making his eyes flick over to her for a moment.

“I know I never ask, and I’m probably better off in the dark but…you seem really…off today…what’s different about this target?”

He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “My final target…is different because it isn’t some traitor to Hydra or political figure, not a mafia scab or loose end...my final target could truly end up being my final target.”

Her breath caught as a pit formed in her stomach when she realized he was saying that realistically, he might actually die within the next few days…or even that day.

She didn’t ask, but after a beat he told her. “My final target is Captain America.”

Vanessa nearly puked.

She visibly paled and refrained from saying anything to keep from saying something that could make his nerves worse. What does one even say to that?

The silence in the car grew thick as she tried to think of something but nothing helpful came to mind.

“Can you get him alone?” she asked, knowing even Hydra wouldn’t send him against the entire team.

Right?

He sighed, “I’m gonna try.”

She nodded, chewing her lip nervously. “How’s the Soldat?”

“Just under the surface, honestly. He’s a little apprehensive but also excited for a good fight.”

James was sure the only reason he’d been able to hold out was because he was driving and still had to remain under the radar until they arrived.

It felt weird to be on the side of the bad guy and rooting for the death of Captain America but if it came down to one of them having to go…

She knew if the Soldier failed and died, Hydra would just send someone after her to tie up the loose end. She’d never be free so long as that branch of Hydra was functioning. The life she knew was gone and she’d long since accepted that.

The thought of losing James forever made her chest hurt in a way that surprised her, and filled her with nausea.

Playing it cool, she gave a small laugh, “I bet he’s ready for someone who might actually put up a good fight.”

James gave a small grin and amused exhale.

Vanessa had managed to diffuse the tension a bit and decided to tell him some more childhood stories to keep the mood relaxed. She chattered until she got weary and fell asleep.

--

She woke up  at sunset and found them parked in a motel lot.

Her partner sat stiffly in his seat, looking deeper into what she realized was NYC.

“James…” she softly touched his arm, flinching as his head snapped to look at her and she realized it was definitely not James.

“We will go get a room. You will do the talking.” He had no emotion in his eyes or voice as he spoke, eyes icy and sharp.

She nodded, “Okay.” Then nervously looked around at the shady neighborhood they were parked in. Homeless people gathered around fires in trashcans, gun shots and shouting in the distance, loud music blaring from several different places. People everywhere, either glaring or leaning down into car windows and batting eyelashes.

Vanessa gulped, wondering when the switch happened because James wouldn’t have picked this place.

They’d been staying in a few seedy areas but not like this.

“Just…please stay by my side as long as you can.” she actually felt safer with the Soldat in this moment. James would show a little bit of nervousness that would be perceived as weakness. The soldat had no such issue.

His eyes flicked around the surrounding area and he nodded, grunting. “I must protect the vessel.”

She set her jaw and nodded, relaxing a little when he lifted the side of his shirt to show a pistol in his waistband. He then suspiciously eyed the people who seemed to be lingering in the area from behind their tinted windows.

“Be wary of him,” he pointed at one man, “him, him, him, and her.”

She’d be wary of everyone but yeah, sure.

After another nod, they got out of the car and headed inside. Vanessa huddled under the Soldats arm immediately trying to appear casual as they crossed the lot.

The keeper seemed surprised they wanted a room for the night rather than a few hours but was happy to accept the cash the Soldat placed on the counter – “Not us.” He grunted, giving the bored looking clerk a look that could curdle milk.

“More than enough to satisfy the guarantee. Your stay will be uninterrupted – entirely. You just became a guest of The Hell Dogs, congrats.” He tossed a key on the desk after swiping the bills. “Now get out of here.”

The soldier grabbed the key, keeping one arm around his woman and steered them out of the dingy office.

He glared venomously at everyone that turned to stare at Vanessa who regretted opting for a sundress today.

The clerk whistled, leaning out from the glass door, “Ay man, they’re cool. They’re with us.”

The onlookers nodded and immediately lost interest, going back to whatever they were doing.

When they entered their room, she was surprised to find it wasn’t as bad as she expected though she bet it had something to do with the gang protection she was pretty sure the Soldat just paid for.

Admittedly,  she did feel a little better as they carried their bags inside. Those lingering outside the motel threatened those on the street that watched them and got them to look away.

They locked the door behind them and the Soldat immediately began to unpack what Vanessa felt was an unreasonable amount of guns.

She watched in silence for a bit before asking, “When do you leave?”

“Tonight, I make a show to draw him out. Tomorrow, I will find him.” He turned to look at her, “You will stay here, being quiet with the door locked and blinds closed. No one will bother you as long as you stay on Motel grounds.”

Pushing her hair nervously behind her ear she nodded, anxiety forming a pit in her stomach for multiple reasons.

“Will you stay for dinner?” she asked.

He gave a sickening smirk, “And dessert, before I go. Could be my last chance to complete this mission, wife.”

She took a step back as he stepped forward. “I’m locked in, baby doll. James can’t help you now.” His eyes raked over how her dress hugged her curves in a flattering way, the light material dangerously flimsy and the color making her eyes pop.

She kept backing up as her heart pounded, and he kept advancing still wearing the smirk that twisted her stomach.

Too soon, her back hit the wall and his metal hand closed around one of the straps of her dress. He snapped it like nothing, making her yelp and try to hold the fabric up to cover her chest only for him to force her to drop it.

His steel grip took her chin in his fingers and made her look up at him, completely undeterred by her teary eyes and trembling form.

“Think about it like this, Golubka, if I die they will test you before putting you down. If you’re pregnant,  you get to live for at least another nine months.” His cold thumb pressed against her lower lip, squishing it a little to see the plushness of it. Vanessa tried to wrench her face away but was unable to move more than a quarter of an inch, her eyes narrowed with anger.

“I see James allowed you to get comfortable and grow bolder. We’ll have to fix that, won’t we?” he smirked when he watched her anger melt into fear.

“That’s my good girl, so easy to placate.” His eyes stared into her soul with a dark fire in them that made her nauseous. “Maybe I’ll skip dinner this evening – the dessert is so tempting and I’ve been waiting so long for it.”

Her heart pounded, lip trembling as her eyes grew wet with tears. He glanced down at her trembling lip before grabbing her jaw roughly in his titanium grip and slanting his mouth over hers.

The Soldat’s flesh hand painfully squeezed her breasts, ignoring her whimpers and pleas against his lips. He kissed her deeply, groaning when she tried to wiggle away only for him to push his pelvis against her and keep her still.

“So little and weak…” he murmured, hand sliding down to push her panties down and slide his fingers up her dry slit. “Don’t make this harder for yourself. I’m going to complete this mission with or without your compliance- best not to make me angry.” He still gripped her jaw, hazy eyes meeting her wet ones.

To her surprise, he then took a step back and took his shirt off – giving her a moment to look at him before his eyes flicked expectantly to his belt. “Go on.”

Vanessa gulped, hands shaking as she hesitantly reached out and undid the buckle, then the button and zipper – peeling the jeans down to his ankles where he kicked them off, same with his underwear after he cleared his throat.

His huge cock sprung forth and nearly hit her in the face when she freed it.

She tried to stand back up but his metal hand pushed her shoulder down and forced her to her knees. “Ah ah ah, Golubka, open that pretty mouth for me.”

The beauty shook her head, “P-please…”

The Soldat gave a cruel laugh, “That’s not going to work tonight, malen’kaya shlyukha.” [Little whore]

He stared down at her deadeyed, daring her to act out or resist but smirked when tears slid from her eyes and she leaned forward, licking the underside of his shaft like James had taught her, swirling around the head afterward.

He groaned, grabbing the back of her head and only waiting a second before shoving her head down. She coughed and gagged as he rammed into her throat, making it budge slightly.

Vanessa used what James told her to keep her choking to a minimum, but drool dripped down her face as he roughly fucked her mouth. A slew of dirty Russian words came from him as she tried to bare it for as long as she could.

His hand gripped the back of her head and forced her up and down, watching more tears slide down her cheeks as he thrusted down, making her plant her nose in his pubes and deep throat him a few times.

She tried to pull off but only succeeded in making him gag her more, fingers painfully gripping her hair.

Her face, neck and chest were red when he finally released her, sending her collapsing onto her butt and coughing, wiping the drool onto the back of her arm on reflex.

“You’re so lucky I don’t want to deal with you tearing again.” He muttered, grabbing her hair like a leash and making her crawl over to the bed. The Soldat wanted to bend her over and take her like an animal, but he knew if he injured her there he’d have to suture, disinfect and a ton of bullshit he didn’t have time for.

They didn’t have medicines nor time to wait for her to heal. While he was somewhat of a monster he wasn’t entirely evil.

“On your back, eyes closed.” He grunted.

Vanessa scrambled up onto the bed, still gasping slightly and laid down, doing as he said. Her stomach flipped while she listened to him rifle through one of his bags, then tap on something before she felt a prick in her neck.

She cried as her body tensed for  a few long seconds before collapsing on the bed, muscles relaxing to the point that she was almost entirely unable to move.

“There you go…” he pet her head almost comfortingly while he waited for the drug to take further effect. He’d been given it via drop after his last mark with the intent being to make her as weak and pliable as possible during his final mission.

Making her body relax so he could take her as often as he deemed necessary before he may not get any more chances to complete his part in operation Winter Wife- as well as making sure she couldn’t resist or run.

The soldier didn’t have the patience to prepare her the way her little body required before she could safely take him, he didn’t have James’ level of emotional attachment for her so he had no moral issue with this.

He wasn’t fond of part two though.

The man returned to his bag and got out another injection,  this time jabbing his own neck with no hesitation.

He grunted and closed his eyes as he felt the drug enter his veins.

“I…can’t…m-move…” Vanessa sobbed, already knowing where this was headed.

She knew the Soldat wouldn’t risk injuring a part of her so vital to the mission but she didn’t think he’d drug her to accomplish it.

Much less himself.

He returned to the bed, “Good. Now I don’t have to deal with you resisting, or trying to run. You will be still for quite some time, weather you want to or not.”

Her silver eyes slid nervously down to his member that remained at attention throughout all of this. He got on his knees by her legs and spread them, bending her up to rest her legs on his arms while he looked down at her opening that had already responded to the drug.

“That’s my good little whore.” He rubbed her clit for a few seconds, “Ready and waiting.” He smirked, meeting her eyes before shoving into her all the way.

Her scream was so loud it could be heard from outside but everyone ignored it, like they were paid to do.

His hands roamed her breasts and waist for a moment before the Soldat took a brutal pace, each thrust making her slide up and down the pillow a bit. She grunted and tried to slap at him but her arms felt like they were made of lead- only her fingers twitched in response.

He lifted her more and rutted into her like an animal in heat, ignoring her whimpers and sobs while she lay helpless beneath him.

She didn’t know how much time had passed before he dropped her legs open wide, lifted her pelvis with his metal hand and leaned forward to cage her in with his large frame, putting his slightly sweaty forehead against hers while he began to push in extra hard, each one making a fresh sob fall from her lips as her face crumpled in agony.

At last, he cussed again and his body tensed, she could feel each long pulse of cum as it filled her. Vanessa could even feel the force of pressure as it launched out, warmth spreading through her as she watched  in horror through as her stomach began to grow between them.

“Fuuuck!” he shuttered as more and more of his enhanced load was forced into her, making her feel sloshy and fit to burst by the time he was done.

The Soldat kept her pelvis angled up with his steel grip while he bent her knees and anchored himself as deeply as he could, staring emptily into her bloodshot eyes.

Twenty minutes later, he patted her belly budge before slowly pulling out, hissing as he did so and watching the gush of fluid with slight amusement.

He glanced over at the alarm clock and pursed his lips. “We've got time for another round, I think. “

“N-no…please…don’t…” she sounded utterly defeated, wondering if it was this mysterious super soldier serum that made him ready to go again or the enhancer he’d given himself.

“My orders say I am to inseminate you as much as possible during this final leg of our mission.”

She frowned deeply as he spoke uncomfortably casually. “and it is possible so…” she gasped as he haphazardly flipped her over to her stomach,  making her gasp as the rest of the oversized load emptied onto the comforter and her thighs, creating a thick, creamy mess she was then forced to lay in.

Metal hand beneath her again, the Soldat dragged the head of his dick through her involuntarily spread lips to gather what he could and pushed back into her.

Vanessa was able to weakly turn her head to the side to keep from suffocating in the pillow; tears, snot and drool leaking into it as he groaned behind her and  -again- pounded into her bruising body mercilessly.

His flesh hand gripped her hip harshly as he lifted her to meet his thrusts, puppeteering  her body to fuck back.

She closed her eyes and took solace in her memories of James while his body abused hers with the decisive motions of  an assassin completing his mission.

--

With the requirements fulfilled, and sun having gone down, the Soldat showered and left shortly after.

Vanessa laid in the two massive loads on the bed, sure they had somewhat soaked into the mattress at this point. Her body still refused to move more than her fingers and toes no matter how hard she tried.

Weather it was the drug or her mind trying to protect her, her body felt…numb. She was dully aware of a throbbing at the apex of her thighs and something on her legs and hips but they weren’t registering as actual pain at the moment.

She was relieved.

And exhausted.

--

Several hours later, the door unlocked and opened again. The shadowy familiar figure entered, face stern as he literally peeled her off the blanket – cum having dried into a crust on her bruised skin.

Her head pounded and nausea set in as he rolled her onto her back again and took her one final time for the night– she passed out half way through.

Not that he was deterred.