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firelxdykatara · 4 years ago

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not gonna lie I would love to hear more about the drama and infighting that went on in The Vampire Diaries fandom if you have the time (and also want to use that time to give your experience with the fandom, which from the snippets you've told sounds Not Fun so I get it if you don't want to lol)

oh god, there was like, SO MUCH, i just

i really feel like tvd is one of those fandoms that is so hard to describe without a lot of ‘you’d have to have been there’, but it really felt like this huge and all-consuming beast for about five years until the show finally imploded and the fandom basically turned on it en masse. (you ever see that post going around that’s like ‘if you ever want to know what true regret feels like, ask someone who once called tvd their favorite show’? still a mood, all these years later. basically the entire fandom thought the show should have just bowed out with whatever shreds of dignity it had left at the end of season 6, and became more of a hatedom than a fandom for the last two seasons. when you have an entire fandom cheering news of your show’s cancellation, i think that’s a sign you done fucked up, julie.)

first and most infamous, of course, are the ship wars. which are pretty much inevitable in any teen-centered drama, and i really think the CW fucking thrives on them, but it was particularly egregious in TVD’s case because not only was the base premise of the show a love triangle, but the two main romantic leads were brothers that the show constantly pit against one another--in pursuit of elena’s affections, but also because it kept up this insistence on the ‘good brother/bad brother’ dichotomy which stopped making sense after about season 2 (by which time we have found out that the good brother was never as good as he appeared, and the bad brother has been growing and isn’t nearly as bad as he pretends to be)--and the question of which brother ‘deserved’ elena (and no, what elena wanted very rarely factored into these discussions, especially in the team stefan camp because they turned on her when what she wanted was no longer The Good Brother, but i’ll get to that in a bit) was hotly contested.

i’m not kidding when i say the shipping wars were vicious. i started watching tvd shortly after it began to air, which was late 2009, and kept up with it fairly sporadically over the years. i didn’t come onto tumblr until 2011/2012, and by then, the fandom was already pretty much a garbagefire. there were anti ship and anti character blogs, any time something bad happened for one ship the rival ship would invade the tags to gloat about it (seasons 3 and 4 were especially rough, and i’m not gonna pretend delena fans weren’t just as bad about tag invasion and shit, but as that was my side of the road i saw a lot more of the stelena shippers being assholes, which soured my opinion on the ship a long time before i started rewatching and realized the red flags were there from the start), confessions blogs were popular also toxic as fuck (so much fighting happened in the notes of those posts, good gods), and this was right around when twitter’s popularity was on the rise and the line between Celebrity and Fan was thinning, so the fandom was absolutely atrocious to much of the tvd cast and crew.

(some of them deserved a lot of the later backlash, but in the early years a lot of it was ‘how dare you write the story in a way i dont like, you terrible fucking person’, and gods don’t get me started on the dobsley vs nian Thing)

i think what really encapsulates my feelings on the tvd fandom as a whole, though, is the way they (to this DAY) treated elena gilbert, which can be summed up in one meme that gained a lot of traction around season 3 if i remember right: that gif of pam from true blood, with the text altered to read “i’m so OVER elena and her precious doppelganger vagina!”

i swear at one time i had over half the active tvd fan accounts on tumblr blocked, because i got to a point where i would no longer tolerate elena hate, and she was (and still is, in what remains of the fandom; you’ll see a lot of ‘elena was one of the worst things about the show’ takes from ex-fans, too) one of the most widely despised characters in the entire fandom. because she -checks smudged writing on hand- was a traumatized teenage girl who -reads off a crumpled notecard- couldn’t always perfectly sort out her own feelings and -squints at the ceiling- sometimes made mistakes or bad decisions. (except a lot of the fandom also insisted that she was a mary sue who had no character traits or flaws or faults and it was like....make up your fucking minds???? is she a calculating conniving bitch whose somehow manipulating these centuries old vampires to tie them around her little finger or is she a boring flat character with no depth and no flaws??? jfc)

there was this massive double standard, too--like, stefan and damon could fuck whoever they wanted and that was fine, but elena was constantly raked over the coals for the crime of developing romantic feelings for the two men who had become constants in her life and whom she cared for deeply, and oh my GOD the slut shaming that happened when elena slept with damon was fucking wild. (and also happened in canon lmfao. like the show had one of elena’s best friends basically call her diseased on screen for falling in love with someone other than stefan. it was gross and ridiculous and the friend in question was also being a giant hypocrite at the time since she was happily flirting with someone who was directly responsible for the deaths of like four of elena’s loved ones and her own boyfriend’s mother but that’s beside the point) but like elena was called a slut and a bitch and a whore for ‘cheating’ on stefan (she hadn’t, and she had in fact broken up with him on screen the episode earlier) and ‘immediately’ jumping into bed with damon, even though none of them said fucking boo when stefan had one night stands or damon had fuckbuddies or whatever.

shit, caroline didn’t get any of this treatment when she started falling for tyler while dating matt! which isn’t to say i think she should have, just that i think it’s fucking ridiculous that elena was absolutely demonized by the fandom for daring to have feelings for two guys at once and eventually acting on them--despite the fact that the entire premise of the show was a love triangle. it’s not a love triangle if both sides don’t eventually get explored, and the crew had been pretty explicit about the fact that delena was going to happen at some point--but when it did, a huge chunk of the fandom absolutely threw a fit.

and a lot of these elena haters were alleged stelena stans, and i say alleged because they hated her so much for not wanting stefan’s dick anymore that it was clear they were really stefan stans and only wanted stelena to be endgame because they wanted stefan to ‘win’ at the end of the day, because ‘he’s the good brother’ so he deserved elena more.

it was all very gross and very misogynistic and very sex shaming (apparently delena was a ‘shallow’ and ‘superficial’ relationship because they had sex after two years of unrequited feelings slowly becoming requited and then pining for ages on both sides, and because they had a lot of on screen chemistry that the show capitalized on for years so of course they did a lot of making out and shit but it’s not like stelena didn’t have its fair share of making out and sex scenes, stefan was just too much of a coward to let elena top i’d apologize for that joke but i’m really not sorry because it’s true), and when i say it was egged on by the crew, that’s because they refused to let the love triangle die back in season 4 when it should have.

they insisted on stringing stelena fans along, dropping little bread crumbs to keep them invested, like dreams of a future where they were married and revealing that stefan was also a doppelganger and he and elena were descended from a pair of star-crossed lovers (a plot that ultimately went nowhere, to no one’s great surprise), and then fucking like. julie plec turned around and threw nina under the bus after she chose not to extend her contract and pretended that stelena might have happened again if she hadn’t left the show, which....i mean frankly i wouldn’t put it past her, but it would have been shitty writing. then again, she thought having a vampire pregnancy where a uterus was magically transplanted from a witch into a vampire that could somehow......carry the babies to term.... made sense and was a good way to accomodate candice’s RL pregnancy rather than like literally ANYTHING else, soooooo. but anyway julie saying that around like, end of s6 sparked off a new wave of nina hate and elena hate and ship wars bc they SEers took it as ‘confirmation’ that stelena was REALLY meant to be endgame and it was all just a hot fucking mess

another thing is that, while tvd was in its prime before the anti/purity culture shit started picking up any real steam, there was still this pervasive attitude throughout the fandom that if you liked Damon, you were A Bad Person. liking damon was apparently grounds for insults and harassment, and apparently he was The Worst Person on the Show even though literally nothing he does on screen is any worse than shit we know stefan has done (and frankly every other vampire too, but i mention stefan specifically because he was always held up--in the show but especially in the fandom--as the Good Brother while damon was the Bad One, and if you liked damon more then that had to mean your morals were dodgy and you clearly couldn’t appreciate what a heroic and saintly figure dear stefan was and....oops, i’m sorry, my salt keeps leaking -cough-).

meanwhile klaus quickly became a fandom darling despite not even really having much of a redemption arc (on tvd anyway, he just became more ‘affably evil’ as the show went on and more inclined to work with the main characters rather than try to kill them; i have no idea what went on over on his show, though), and like i can 100% appreciate liking villains and not caring that they do dodgy villainous shit, even just liking them bc they’re hot and wanting them to kiss a main character bc they have insanely good chemistry (yes i ship klaroline, no i won’t apologize for it, they could have been Really Great), it’s just really the double standard that gets me.

and all of this, incidentally, required ignoring some truly gross shit stefan was responsible for wrt his relationship with elena, that frankly it has always bothered me never really got addressed in the show. i get why elena herself would never be able to actually call him on it, but the fact is that he stalked her for months after he first saw her and thought she was katherine (meanwhile it only took damon .5 seconds to realize she was someone else entirely, but that’s another topic entirely), and then he deliberately inserted himself into her life because, in his words, ‘i have to know her’. he never gave a thought to how his presence in her life might affect her (or rather, he did, and tormented himself about it in his internal monologue, but never let this actually dissuade him from disrupting her life), and elena would wind up blaming herself for every tragedy that befell her friends and loved ones as a result of getting mixed up in vampire bullshit even though none of it was her fault--she literally blamed herself for existing but most of the fandom didn’t give a fuck about that lmfao--and stefan did shit like find out that she was adopted and then withhold this information from her until she got pissed about another secret he was keeping (her resemblence to katherine) and drop it on her to try and distract her from her very reasonable anger, and like... i should stop before this becomes a whole rant about how much i hate stefan fucking salvatore, but the point is, he did a lot of really sketchy shit he never answered for and elena never really took him to task for, and the fandom just kept eating up his insistence that he was the Good Brother and therefore he deserved to have elena, and if she didn’t want him anymore it was because she was a heinous bitch who didn’t deserve him.

uh.....i think i got off track there. and there’s probably a lot of shit i missed, like i think i was incandescent with rage for most of seasons 5 and 6 so i missed a lot of the interfandom shit cause i was too busy being increasingly pissed off at the show itself, but if nothing else this should give you an idea of how much of a goddamn cesspit the fandom was while the show as in its prime. there’s a reason both the show and the fandom have such a lousy reputation lmfao.

#the vampire diaries #tvd #tvd fandom salt #anti stefan #anti stelena #salt for ts #asked #Anonymous

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grown-clone · 4 years ago

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I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

Listen up pals, because I am slightly concerned. I was trying to look up some weight loss tips on tumblr, and ended up stumbling into the proana and promia tags. I decided long ago that while I was recovering from my anxiety and depression and going through therapy, I would never look into the ED tags or ED posts of tumblr.

Well, I’ve been doing really well this past year and decided I would just give them a look. The first red flag is that a Tumblr Support page pops up. The next red flag is people (but mostly girls and women) are talking about how 120 pounds makes them want to kill themselves and how they need to loose more. I know I can’t make much of a difference, but maybe I can say something to one of you and help you have a change of heart.

Starving yourself for a number is not healthy. Lower number does not equal good health. Skinny or Thinspo does not equal being totally physically fit and being the image of perfection. I’m not going to write another post of “Oh you are all so beautiful no need to worry about weight please eat” Because I know for some of you its not about that. Sometimes its about the number, sometimes its food itself, sometimes its and outside source making you feel these feelings. So I am hoping this next message will really speak to you.

If you are feeling exhausted constantly and/or are fainting often, Please drink some water (at least) and eat something small. If you value a number, value your blood sugar level number. Remember if you must keep the number down, you can do it tomorrow. But if you go too hard to fast you might not wake up from a fainting spell for a long time, or maybe not ever.

If you feel pain from being hungry, then please consume something. Your body does need food and water to survive, that is just a fact. I had a friend who tried to survive on water with some lemon juice and salt to loose weight, and I cannot describe the feeling of dread in my stomach when she fainted in school and wouldn’t wake up.

If you are thirsty then DRINK WATER!!! Water has no calories if you are concerned about it, but dehydration WILL KILL YOU. And if you want to gently introduce more food and energy to your body, then try smoothies with greek yoghurt and fresh fruits or vegetables. Speaking of fruit,

Eat the fruit over drinking the juice! I know that you want to keep the weight off, but juice will have MUCH MORE SUGARS in it than the actual fruit! Sugars will not be good for your metabolism.

Gatorade will give you energy yes, but Gatorade is MEANT or people who need that energy and sugar replacement after they have been working out for long periods of time. Gatorade is FULL of sugars and electrolytes that will do more harm than good if you drink it undiluted. If you have just completed a HITT workout, then yeah chug the Gatorade. But if you have just been walking around the house or doing a light job, dilute the Gatorade in a 50 water 50 Gatorade solution. You extend the Gatorade and trick yourself into drinking more water! I do this all the time at work (I work in a hundred degree food truck and sweat like crazy) and I kept two-three pounds off when I did.

Water does not replace food. Please please please remember that. You have to know that there is always time tomorrow to loose that next pound if you have too, it doesn’t have to be today. Focus on keeping yourself alive. The Earth has given you her bounty to pick from and eat.

Remember that having fat is also a good thing! it protects you!!!! Y’all wanna know some REALLY COOL STUFF okay quick tangent. Mermaids would be fat. WHy? Because they would have more bodybuilder/weight lifter type bodies. The ocean is cold, so mammalian animals would need blubber to keep themselves warm. A mermaid is part mammal, so would need a thick layer of fat/blubber to keep themselves warm and alive! Plus, they would have HELLA muscles from swimming and moving in water. Basically a mermaid could one hit-kill anybody with a single punch because of how string they would be. Tangent over. FAT IS NECESSARY in life. Females! You have a pouch! Your uterus pushes your stomach out and makes that little bump before your stomach dips down into your pelvic area. That is not fat, the outer layer is actually your abs! Everybody has abs, but most people have a thicker layer of fat over them. Then your stomach is there, and finally your uterus!

More female anatomy things to know... it is normal to gain three-five pounds before your period of hormonal weight. That weight WILL go away, never fear! Another friend sent herself to the hospital because she got really upset over that hormone weight. She ended up gaining a lot of weight back and it sent her down a dark spiral on anorexia again. Your body is simply preparing for a sudden increase in energy usage and is storing away that energy. (also it is easier to loose weight on your period with proper exercise but I can’t find my exact sources on this fact).

And again, remember that a number is not worth your life. the number also takes time, and fasting will not help. I love you guys and i’m not trying to be rude but I think you guys need to hear this. If a lot of people really don’t like this post then I will take it down, but I have lost people and friendships to ED’S and to people valuing a number over their life. I tried to stay away from the “YOUR BEAUTIFUL PLEASE STOP AND EAT” because you constantly hear that. That isn’t because I dont think you are beautiful though, because I do. But I want you to eat because facts and your body tell you too, not because you feel the need to be beautiful. Remember that food is a NECESSITY, and that it not something you can argue. I hope that I have inspired at least one you to take it a little bit easier on yourselves when doing those calorie calculations, or deciding whether to chew gum or eat a brownie. I hope I’ve gone so far as to inspire on of you to stope caring about the number all together and just focus on what makes you AND your body feel good. My asks are open for you to talk and vent or even get angry at me, and I will meet each on with love and kindness, I promise you. I might not respond right away but I will respond

I love you, and you deserve wellness and happiness. All of you.

#proana #promia #I'm not really pro just using the tags #health #talk to me #be kind to your body #be kind to yourself #be kind to your mind

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blookmallow · 4 years ago

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uhHH well i finished rusty lake roots... there are still many things i do not understand but wow that sure was. a lot

-----

oh. ohhhh i was right

albert did get into voodoo

i mean really if you have enough blood to write a sentence with it i think thats more of a “there is blood” scenario but i guess that’s just semantics really

anyway uhhHHh that happened,

oH god what the fuck ok apparently mary’s dead now too

i dont know what killed her other than like, old age, maybe. shock?? could’ve been a heart attack if she. saw what albert did to his brother and ida

the kid with the glasses Was emma’s son and she Did commit suicide in her grief when he went missing

still dont know where he came from in the first place but nevermind

what the hell kind of egg is that (the second thing. the first thing is a potato)

it’s. it’s that kind of egg, isn’t it.

is that what that looks like???? i was under the impression human “eggs” are like, microscopic, like you can’t visually see individual sperm cells and i couldn’t really find a clear answer trying to look this up and got kinda freaked out about it anyway (pregnancy/uterus functions fuck me up sdfgggh) but

APPARENTLY, AFTER MURDERING HER (AND HIS BROTHER) ALBERT HAS DECIDED TO HARVEST IDA’S EGGS FROM HER BODY AND CREATE HIS OWN FETUS SOMEHOW HIMSELF

I DONT THINK THATS HOW THAT WORKS BUT UH. ALBERT???? WE NEED TO TALK

god fucking damn it i liked him so much and wanted to understand him and i still think it’s heavily implied he was abused and/or bullied by his siblings and he’s definitely mentally unwell and definitely had some kind of rivalry going on with samuel, definite “wants what he has” situation but

i guess “murdered his brother and his wife, apparently harvested eggs from her corpse to Make A Child With Her after she rejected him” is uuhhhh not really redeemable is it :’ ) god

or im not sure if she actually rejected him or if he ever made any advances on her in the first place but. definite “she belonged to me/should have been Mine” possessive behavior ramped up to 11

i still think he needed Help and maybe wouldn’t have turned out like this if he got help and had support from his family but my god what a. series of events that was

also this guy keeps showing up everywhere. i dont know what he is but i like him even though he may be some kind of shadow of impending doom or a personification of death

BIG fan of the implication here that i may in fact have been a ghost the whole time, subtly influencing the events of my own family destruction in an effort to sacrifice them all to resurrect myself

is that what all this is. did all this happen because william was haunting everybody trying to get the pieces to revive himself. was this man willing to destroy his entire family line for the chance to live again

oh FUCK THE KID’S STILL ALIVE

HE DIDN’T DIE IN THE WELL HE’S JUST BEEN LIVING DOWN THERE THIS WHOLE TIME. OK

how did nobody hear him calling for help or anything...

guess what

i fucking killed the hand again

apparently albert also knows about this??? and never told anyone??? fucking why??????? he doesn’t seem to be Using the dude for anything, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to keep him down here unless it’s just some fucked up revenge thing on his sister

also i dont think it was albert’s hand that i stabbed Again bc he’s not bleeding when he shows up but

is he the one who has been keeping him alive?? why. what purpose is served in keeping him alive if he’s not using him for anything. if hes just trying to get back at his sister why not just kill the guy or leave him to starve down here. Albert What The Fuck Are You Doing

hey buddy!!!!! its u!!!!

i was wrong it seems like mr. crow is not a voodoo curse victim but is actually probably the first vanderboom brother. the not william one. i forgot his name :’) and i still definitely think william’s going to become mr. owl

i found this picture later (it was shown before but i didnt remember) (also has. puzzle stuff on it but anyway) its definitely the same suit thats it isnt it

i dont want to go searching for the pic of the other brother and the one of mr owl bc ill probably just find spoilers if i do that but Hm. hmm.

is this how the revival ritual works. do u become a bird. is that why everyone else at the hotel was animals too

that would mean the brothers have already done the ritual once though and would’ve needed a bunch of sacrifices to do it before so maybe not

albert’s bizarre science experiment child seems to be living at the house now, which i was gonna say “how the fuck did he explain this to his family how is she just Here Now” but then i realized i think she and albert might be the only ones left now

ida and samuel are dead, emma is dead, mary and james are dead, leonard isn’t dead but i think he might be... out fighting the war at this point

also that dog is still here and i didnt previously question why the cup was called “cup with liquid” and not “water” and i really, really wish i didnt know the answer to that mystery

try to guess how this dog provided liquid. the answer is not blood

rose helped frank get out of the well, not sure if she knew why he was down there in the first place or that he’s her cousin, and. well

sorry things had to be this way, bud

digs up my entire family’s remains to make one hell frankenstein skeleton

sure

o fuck i did it i got all the things

i like how some of these are like “gouge out an eyeball” and then there’s like “cut off some hair”

some of this family suffered more than others for this ritual, shall we say

theres probably Reasons for each of the parts though like, frank’s hair grew super long from his years in the well, so while the removal of a lock of hair itself wasn’t really a Sacrifice/suffering on his end its symbolic of what he went through

william’s the one being revived so it makes sense to use his heart

eyes could be... Too Late To See The Truth about albert or something, ida was a fortune teller so, Inner Sight or w/e, also a pair of eyes taken from a couple

emma died from her grief so we have her tears

james... died from drinking the elixir? so indirectly his tongue could symbolize that?? i guess???

rose means red, she was born through murder, she got her bio mother’s red hair, we have her blood

albert could be seen as a mastermind behind a lot of these events, and a lot of this was caused by the mental illness he never got help for, so we have his brain

leonard lost his foot in the war

the only one i cant figure out is mary’s teeth, i have no idea what that one could mean unless she Did die of old age and “teeth falling out” is meant to symbolize that

theres.... three teeth and she had three children? i have no idea

anyway DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

hm. unpleasant

the other brother Confirmed to be mr. crow but its still possible mr. owl is Not in fact william but he could be talking about future william when he Becomes mr. owl, maybe

this is such a mess ok so william was reborn as a baby, the grandchildren looked like they were consumed by the roots but we see rose holding the baby so at least she’s still alive (and probably the boys too if she is)

and this process also created the seed which planted the tree so... william’s death and subsequent rebirth also created the family tree?? i guess?? so his family was brought to ruin one by one possibly through him influencing events from beyond the grave, all to revive him, which started the family in the first place, and there’s definitely a lot of... “all time is one/timelines can be altered” not direct Time Travel but just sort of. time as a nonlinear web that the original vanderboom brothers seem able to transcend

hm! hm. theres still. so much i dont understand but i have at least one more game left im not sure if the other things in the bundle are related to rusty lake or just other things by the same developers

#lucy plays rusty lake

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bird-of-unusual-size · 6 years ago

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abortion is not a choice, its avoiding consequence. you make your choice to have a baby or not when you have sex with someone. if you dont want a baby, then dont have sex.

and yeah, rape is a thing. its a terrible thing, an injustice to humanity. women do get pregnant through rape. they don't have a choice in this matter. that responsibility is forced on them regardless if they are ready or not. but this world happens to be one where no one is perfect, and theres always a victim. the rapist screwed up, and it is unfair and unjust that an innocent man or woman needs to live with that horror for the rest of their lives. what can we do about it? there will be sinners where there are saints. again, rape is a sinful thing, to create life where a woman or man is not ready to sustain it.

abortion is a wrongdoing. it is a sin. it will not help you if you do become pregnant through rape. abortion does not give. it only takes away.

i believe that the purpose of women, the reason we exist, is to create life. we exist to bring about the next generation. we alone get the honor of raising a child, of shaping who they are and who they will be. we alone get the opportunity to experience that joy that comes when you watch the child that you created grow into something good. it is an honor of the highest degree to be a mother. yes, it is difficult. it's extremely difficult. it is physically and emotionally taxing, it is exhausting, it is eternal. And that's the thing--being a mother is eternal. the moment you conceive, you become a mother. you alone have the sole responsibility to protect that child, and you alone will reap the benefits from raising them. motherhood is sacred. motherhood is happiness. motherhood is true, honest joy.

motherhood has lost its value in recent days. women are encouraged to go to college, become successful, to carve their own roads. men and women are led to believe that happiness lies in success, and their is nothing further from the truth. happiness lies in family. happiness lies in honest work, in happy families that put in the effort to benefit for themselves and their community. everyone has met the poor man/woman with the husband/wife and children who is content with his life. conversely, most have met the rich man/woman with no husband/wife and children who is unsatisfied with his life and wishes to change. again, happiness does not lie in material wealth. material wealth does not follow beyond the grave. family, however, lasts through eternity. family brings joy forever.

on a different note, most women who get abortions are physically and mentally harmed in the process. it can damage their uterus and make it more difficult, if not nearly impossible, to sustain child life until birth. what if the woman wants a baby in the future? that's not to say the emotional and mental damage such an action causes. i know women who have gotten abortions, and they are haunted. it's...its just sad, because they've given up the chance to create life, to raise a child, and that is heartbreaking.

what im trying to get at here, is that abortion is not the right choice to make. it might seem like the right choice, when considering, say, backlash from family, exclusion from social circles you were once a part of, even the responsibility that comes with being a mother. but people fail to see that abortion is a purely selfish choice. that child in your belly, who is innocent beyond belief, who has not yet seen this world and the horrors that wait them, will be killed simply for existing. simply because the mother does not want to live with that child in her life.

i think that is what breaks my heart about all this, it's that a woman with child would willingly give up one of the most bountiful sources of happiness (and believe me, i may not have children of my own, but the happiest women i have ever met were and are mothers) for a selfish cause. and maybe that is a good thing--who knows? maybe that woman is not fit to be a mother, if she would make a choice like that. maybe that woman is not ready, maybe she does not have that selfless compassion developed that all mothers should have. but my point still stands.

tl;dr: if you are not willing to raise a child of your own, you should not be creating children. do not abort your children. the only thing that will come of it is pain and suffering.

#abortion tw #not assassins creed related #not destiny related

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birdbizarre · 7 years ago

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the human sex talk

okay trolls listen up heres the sex talk your lusus wont give you

im going to try to keep this as basic as possible because its going to be confusing anyway so if youre human and youre reading this thinking wow davesprite why didnt you bring up x im sorry bear with me

okay

humans have two basic sexes male and female

for trolls this split isnt really significant in terms of reproduction obviously universes vary and i dont know about every troll but the sexual dimorphism between trolls is very low compared to say some of your lusii or native animals i know some universes where trolls dont have sexes at all just genders

for humans however outside of medical and scientific intervention only a male sex and female sex pair can produce a child

males of the species are born with what is called a penis this is roughly analogous to the bone bulge of a troll below the penis where a nook is on a troll are the testicles sometimes referred to as the balls

you then have the what do trolls call it waste chute or whatever thats further behind the balls

and thats all that is down there

the penis is a flesh covered muscle that normally hangs limp in front of the pelvis there is no sheath and it does not retract into the body it is usually smaller than a troll bulge so the average range is between four and six inches its generally the same width all the way usually between like an inch or two inches in diameter

the head of the penis can be slightly wider than the shaft but doesnt have to be you can usually tell where the shaft ends and the head begins because the shape is slightly different usually the skin that covers the penis will also cover the head and then there will be a sort of fold where the urethra is at the very tip

the urethra is a small hole and thats where piss and ejaculate come out but well get to that in a bit

some humans however have the fold before the head leaving the more sensitive skin around the urethra exposed this isnt the way humans are born but its pretty common so its worth mentioning you dont really want to know why so dont ask

when a male sex human gets aroused the human body directs blood into the penis muscle which then causes it to stiffen otherwise it would just be sort of floppy and useless during sex this is called getting hard or getting a boner or whatever else theres tons of nicknames for all this stuff those are just the big two

then there are the testicles or balls that i mentioned before these are about the size of a golf ball i guess im not really sure what the best troll analogue is there i guess if you imagine the size of an eyeball that is removed from someones socket its just a little bigger than that but again sometimes its different depending on the human

these are also covered in skin like the rest of the human and theyre not really important for the act of sex but they play a part in reproduction because inside is the males genetic material theyre pretty much just weird flesh sacks so its sort of boring but some humans like them being touched i dont know

lets skip over to the female sex organs so we can see how they fit together

females have the equivalent of a troll nook collectively referred to as the vagina which is composed of several parts they do not have a penis

essentially you have a hole much like a nook and around that hole are a few flaps of skin for protection i guess you cant just leave a hole uncovered its all sort of shaped like a clamshell if you turned it on its side or a sort of vertically oriented oval so the quote unquote tips of the oval are oriented toward the belly button and the waste chute respectively

at the top of the clamshell though still within the skin folds above the vaginal opening and just barely above the female urethra which is just another smaller hole with no sexual purpose is the clitoris this is the big one boys this is the doozy this is essentially the female penis or bulge except its only about as big as a pea and something like fifty thousand times more sensitive than a penis so tread carefully

unfortunately for most ladies the clitoris or clit for short isnt reproductively relevant its just sort of vestigial so while its great for pleasure it often goes neglected which sort of sounds like a shame if you ask me and probably more than half the human population

anyway

you might be wondering well if the human males have balls to hold the genetic material where is it on the female its on the inside

essentially the vagina is like a tube and at the end of the tube it narrows and theres a very small opening called the cervix which is where the vagina technically ends and past the cervix is the uterus which is like a balloon with two small deflated balloons attached on either side called the fallopian tubes and finally at the end of those deflated balloons are the ovaries and thats where the female genetic material is squirreled away like some sort of dragons hoard except the hoard is squishy little things called eggs and each egg holds all of the females genetic material

now again this is all on the inside

now lets get to the big shabang itself sex

if your planet doesnt use the word sex this is what youd call pailing and some parts of this might get sort of scandalous depending on how into pailing culture you are and if youre from alternia or beforus so im sorry if it makes you blush or makes you angry but youve been warned

sex occurs between all genders but the again the only kind of sex that has reproductive merit and can produce descendants is between someone with male sex organs and someone with female sex organs as described above

when a male becomes aroused and gets a boner he will then part the folds of the female and insert his penis into her vagina carefully because the vaginal opening is relatively small compared to the penis but fortunately its flexible and if the female is aroused it produces a lubricant sort of like pre material if everything goes well and the foreplay was good enough it shouldnt be painful though if the female hasnt done it before aka is a virgin it might take some time

from my understanding troll bulges are prehensile so pailing involves a lot of wiggling in the indoor area but human penises are not so from here it just becomes a lot of thrusting straight forward and back changing positions can change the sensation but its really pretty boring to talk about but in practice its fun because if it werent our species would die out obviously

anyway then climax happens this should be pretty self explanatory even for a troll this is when the genetic material is released

for the purposes of reproduction the female doesnt have to orgasm but if youre having sex and you think its over just because the guy came youre a monster always take care of your partner

now youre going to be thinking wait davesprite you skipped a step no i didnt

the male does not pull out of the female to release genetic material i repeat the genetic material remains inside the female this is where it belongs it might be gross and drippy but that doesnt go anywhere its not collected its not put anywhere

in human reproduction there is no bucket

the males genetic material which is called sperm or semen technically two different parts of the same liquid but people use them interchangeably goes through the cervix and into the uterus then it will go up the fallopian tubes where if the timing is right because the female reproductive system is not always ready and thats a whole other lesson i cant go into right now there will be an egg waiting

the genetic material of the male will attempt to merge with the genetic material of the female in the males ejaculate there are tons of little packets of genetic material thats the sperm i mentioned before and these little packets have tails on them which let them swim up to the egg and then attempt to break in like little horny thugs the egg will attempt to kill them so only the strongest reach the center

if one of the sperm is successful and of the millions and millions of sperm released in the semen only one usually ever makes all the way from the cervix to the egg the egg will be fertilized and then it will move down the fallopian tube and embed in the wall of the uterus

by then the sex is long over but the egg remains in the uterus for nine months longer if you dont know what a month is its basically a perigree so nine perigrees give or take a little and then a baby aka a grub comes out of the mother through the vagina

and thats human reproduction we do it ourselves because thats just the human way

thanks for listening ive been davesprite and ill take your questions now

oh wait

faq number one

yes trolls and humans can have sex because while the parts are different they can usually more or less fit together however this wont make a grub or a baby unless your universe allows it which sort of varies but usually the answer is no

faq number two

humans can do it up the waste chute which is how a lot of gay men aka male humans who like other male humans choose to do it because they dont have a vagina or nook again it is extremely rare that this makes a baby though the multiverse is a big big place

okay there you go now ill take any remaining questions

#nsfw/#ic #long post/#[[ there it is. youre welcome. i suffer for you ]]

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gocasualrunawaycollection-blog · 6 years ago

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Michigan.Police doing high speed chase hit another car without insurance and kills driver. Who pays?

"Michigan.Police doing high speed chase hit another car without insurance and kills driver. Who pays?

Michigan.Police doing high speed chase hit another car without insurance and kills driver. Who pays?

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What do you think about auto insurance?

Canceling Geico car insurance?

I've had Geico insurance on my car for the past year and I've found a much better rate elsewhere and plan to switch. I'm in Virginia. How do I go about canceling with Geico? Do I have to wait until a certain time (end of 6mos, etc) or can I do it at any time? Is there a cancellation fee? Thanks!""

""Thinking about buying individual health insurance in georgia, 22 years old?""

in the beginning of feb my dad passed away so i they dropped coverage on 2/28. i get health insurance through my employer but it isn't good. can i still apply online for individual health insurance even though i can get insurance through my employer? i plan on quitting in two months so i figure it would save me the hassle if i get individual health care now. i have asthma and need medicine regularly/monthly. i'm planning on going on vacation in the summer and then when i get back, i plan to get a job with health benefits, so i would only need insurance until then. would that be considered short term (now-august/september)? does the price differ from short term and long term health insurance? i was looking up some plans online and i was thinking of applying for this one. http://www.ehealthinsurance.com/ehi/ifp/plan-details?planKey=3002:200067&productLine=IFP&noSelectedPlan=true&ifpUIState.planDetailsBackUrl=/ifp/all-plans so what this means is that i pay 115 dollars a month and since there is no separate prescription deductible, i can buy my prescriptions which is tier 2/3 for the copay only. also there is a 2500 maximum out of pocket for my part. right? and is this a good plan for me? im 22 and dont smoke/drink and live in georgia, my only health concern is that i have asthma. can they reject my application because i have asthma and that's a pre-existing condition? and when i get a job with health benefits i can just cancel this or is there a contract that states i have to be with them for a certain amount of time? thank you very much for your time!""

Can I turn my health bills from a car wreck into my health insurance?

I'll try to make this as short as possible. I was hit by another car, who fled the scene but I was able to get her license plate, made and model of her car. Her insurance is covering the body damage for my car but I'm having problems with the medical part of all this. In all, I have had two visits with my doctor and he sent me to the hospital for xrays. I have whip lash and nothing else. I live in Kentucky, which is a no-fault injury state (I have no idea what that means). The other driver's insurance company is not going to pay for my injuries since they are less than $1000. Which means I have to turn it in to MY car insurance company and pay my $1000 deductable or pay out of pocket, which will be about $800. Someone I work with mentioned that I can turn the bills into my health insurance company for them to cover it. Is that an option? I'm not at all familiar with any of this b/c this is my first experience having to deal with car insurances. I know it doesn't matter how I feel, but I'm really ticked that someone can hit my car, flee the scene, cause injuries to me, and then I am the one responsible to pay for the medical care. Does anyone have any experience with this? Can I turn this into my health insurance to avoid paying the $800 that I don't have? Thank you.""

How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

Im 17( i know im about to get a bunch of your going to kill yourself! AHHHH!!!! i regularly drive my dads 05 mustang gt, i know how to responsibly control power) and me and my parents have found a great deal on a 2002 impreza sedan, it has 125k miles on it, and the last thing deciding factor before buying this vehicle is the insurance. We already have a mustang gt on the family plan, i live in VA, make all A's(supposed to give me a 30% discount), im male, the color is blue, with only a greddy bov aftermaket part installed. The car itself is blue, it is the turbod WRX version(not the sti), and has never been wrecked. We have state farm, im not sure as to what other information anyone would need to know, but im jusst looking for a rough estimate, thanks for any input.""

How to bring car insurance premium down for a young driver?

I passed my test june of this year and have been a named driver on my mothers policy for short periods of time, its a 1.4 S Reg corsa. Now i am looking at buying my own car and building up my own NCB. I was wondering if anyone knew of a good cheap car to insure? an insurance company that doesn't wish to rob young drivers? and whether its cheaper being a named driver myself or having a parent as a named driver? or any other tips you might know of to keep the premium down. Any help would be appreciated.""

What should an 18-21 year old pay for motorcycle insurance? liability only?

if i were to get a motorcycle i would have to pay the insurance and i would like to know the cheapest but smartest way to do it.

Michigan.Police doing high speed chase hit another car without insurance and kills driver. Who pays?

Tips on how to get first time drivers car insurance down?

Hey, so I have my driving test on June 3rd but i am looking to buy a car before then in these next few weeks. Ive been getting some quotes on some possible cars but the cheapest quote i am getting is 4,500, which is absolutly ridiculous! I thought 2,000 was pushing it and i dont intend to pay more than 2,000 a year. The cars ive been looking at are Peugot 206s, Vauxhall Corsa SXI, and Renault Clio's. Which i believe are in the cheapest insurance band. I just dont understand why im getting quotes of 4000/5000. Most of my firends with similar cars pay 1,500 a year which seems right. I must be doing something wrong. Can anyone give me tips on how to get the price down. Should i add my mum as an additional driver? Do modified cars (alloys and tinted windows) dramatically increase the insurance price? Any reccomended insurance companies? Thanks guys!""

Can somebody find me a really cheap insurance company that would cover for like everything?

I need to find an insurance company offers really low price plans that cover as many things as possible, becos we can't spend too much money but I need to find my mom an affordable insurance plan...help, i dun know where to find it.""

New driver insurance question?

Hey I just passed my theory test in the state of California. I need to start practicing driving and take my driving test. I am going to buy a car and also need insurance. Will I need a different insurance package as a learner driver? When I pass my test will I have to get a new insurance package as a license holder? I moved to CA from UK where I held a license for four years.

""Car insurance, color, and does it really matter?""

Ok, made my decision, going with the new 2007 Mazda 3 S (with the 2.3 ltr engine and all that good stuff...not really sure on the sunroof though, it's kind of pricey) My question...s are: 1. I was told that if I got a loud color on a car that I would regret it for a couple of reasons. It attracts the cops to pull it over more and it could potientally higher my insurance. Is that just some kind of myth to scare people away from getting a nice color like red or yellow? 2. And secondly, what's a good color to get? Something that's easy to clean, but still shimmers and looks nice. I was thinking about the Aurora Blue. Everyone has black and silver cars? 3. I was building the car and I don't want to pay close to 21k for this car, it's worth a lot, but not that much. How much should I ask for? Now I've already gone to edmunds.com, it seems pretty helpful, but should I wait until they get the 2008 Models in and then try to buy the older model?""

Red camoro or mustang or white effect car insurance (boy)?

Hello I am driving in a few months. I am getting a 2011 chevy camaro 2lt or a ford mustang gt. does the color of the car effect the price of the car insurance. I do know being a boy I will have to pay higher insurance. But red is my favorite color. If I get a red camaro or mustang will insurance be higher than getting a white or yellow mustang or camaor. And what is better for everyday driving and safety. and features. and what is best for the money the Camaro or mustang. and trim wise to. camaro 1LT or 2LT or Mustang GT or V6Premium???? help

What is all the car insurance and extra costs?

what is everything you have to have for a car like the insurance and all that and how much does it cost?

I want to insure my car for only 4 months?

Can I do this and if so how? and what is the cheapest way? I used to be with Direct Line but canceled it when I went to Uni. Now I want my car back on the road but only for the summer holidays. Any company suggestions and how much it would cost would be great, its an M reg ford fiesta and im 19 if that makes any difference. Please help, Thanks :-)""

Will my insurance go up more?

So a months ago my car insurance went up because of a driving ticket and i just go another...will my insurance go up even more or what will happen????

How much does car insurance cost?

Im 19,, looking for a first car,, whats the cheapest car to insure? How much about would it cost?""

Can you switch car insurance companies easily?

I bought a car last night and am picking it up today in Nova Scotia. I called around to a number of companies for insurance and got a quote that seemed reasonable. I went down today and signed the paperwork and was given the temporary insurance card and they faxed paperwork to the dealership and the dealership to them and it is all worked out. However I got a call back a few hours later from another broker quoting me a lot less. I had her verify with the company and they said yes. But I have already signed the other stuff. The one I have now is going to be monthly and the first payment should not come out till about the 15th and be the first and last payment for the month. if I switch and they have already taken the payment do I get the last month back? Can I pretty much switch at any time? Anyone know how that works? I'm a newbie at buying a vehicle an thought I had done my homework but apparently not.

Could anyone tell me a cheap reliable 125cc motobike with cheap insurance ?

Auto insurance question?

I had full coverage on my auto policy. My car is at a point where I'm not going to fix it because it would cost more to repair then to replace. However, I'm not going to replace it at this time. My question is, since I will be renting cars at least twice before I get a new car, how do I handle my auto insurance? The policy currently covers rental cars, and is cheaper than the insurance the rental company offers, so I'd like to keep it. should i go ahead and cancel my auto policy, even though I will be driving other cars before i purchase another?""

If i buy a new cbr 600 wat will my insurance cost? ?

im 19 and live in tx hoe much will i pay a yr? if its new or used wiill it make a differece>?

Can my car insurance company drop me for having not at fault accidents?

I had Go Auto insurance on my 2 cars. Well over the courseof about 1-1 1/2 years (a year to a year and a half). I had about 3 wrecks. All not my fault. The other drivers were 100% at fault. After the third wreck, which was not to long ago. My insurance company (Go Auto) sent me a letter saying they weren't gonna let me renew my insurance with them because i was considered poor risk . Can they do this or should i contact insurance commissioner. No rude comments.""

What is cheap car insurance for a new driver?

I am a new driver and I need insurance for a Jeep Grand Cherokee 2000. I am a student and I need cheap insurance

How much would my insurance cost if i an a new driver age 16 in CT without a car ( i just use my parents car)?

My parents are good drivers and have no real accident record and i havre no criminal record and get decent grades. my dad saqys rates would go up 1500 dollars is he being accuratge?

Car Insurance.?

My dad doesnt want to put me on his insurance, even though i offered to pay and my mom is gonna buy me the car. Male, 16, the car is probably going to be a 2001, 2-door honda. What is an estimated amount am I going to have to pay if I get my own car insurance.""

Should I cash out a Variable Adjustable life insurance policy?

A little over 2 years ago, I was sold a $100,000 Variable Adjustable life insurance policy. At the time I didn't really know much about life insurance, but it sounded good at the ...show more""

How much will my insurance be?

im 21 never had an accident i have a scion fr-s and plan on getting a yamaha r6 next month and this summer im buying a wrecked supra for a project car once everythings fixed what will my insurance cost?

Cheapest car to insure/ run in UK for a 21 year old female?

Someone said Renault Clio. Then someone said no, because they're branded boy racers. Then someone said Vauxhall Corsa. But then they're supposed to break down frequently. I don't like Ford Ka's or Micra's. Help me please! Aha x""

Is there an affordable health insurance plan in California?

Question about getting your own insurance?

A friend of mine recently just got his license and he tried to go on his mother insurance who doesn't have any insurance. Well, she tried to go on her own and they said that she had to put every single person who has insurance on, which will cost like 500 dollars per person!! Anyways, will it be possible for him to get his own, and will it be cheaper? Also, his father has his license suspended but that was at least 2yrs ago or so. Do they have to know about this or is they way to keep it from them. And, Do you have to put money down when getting insurence?""

CANT GET INSURANCE LOWER THAN 6000 !!!?

I'm really frustrated as i've just passed my test and looking into buying a car and insurance and im quoting on a Vauxhall Corsa that is in insurance group 1 and getting nothing less than 6000 how the hell am i supposed to be able to afford that even with a full time job! its ridiculous i know that im 18 and male which is high risk but even if they said between 2000 - 3000 it wouldnt be so bad for me, can someone please give me an idea of what to do next?! :/""

Help with car insurance after acciddent?

recently my car was written off. i pay my insurance monthly by direct debit. as the car is un fixable my insurance has told me to find a new car in 7 days as from last sunday or pay 2000+ up front in a one off payment, which would have been the remainder of my insurance. is the insurance within their right to do this? can i have some advice please.""

""In Connecticut, Return Licence plates first? or end car insurance first?""

ANYONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT CONNECTICUT DMV & POLICIES! HI, i'm trying to take my car out of my insurance, do i return the plates to DMV or end insurance first???? helppppp""

Michigan.Police doing high speed chase hit another car without insurance and kills driver. Who pays?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/get-globe-life-insurance-quote-daniel-thomas/"

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kirinhealthprogressjournal · 7 years ago

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I’m learning I used to have endometriosis before I got pregnant. Painful intercourse, excruciating unmanageable period cramps, and when I did get pregnant, in the first trimester, my body literally shed all the overgrowth and tissue and blood and bad stuff in my uterus and I thought for sure I had a miscarriage, but my doctor said everything was fine, and she seemed perplexed by what had happened to me, and said something about a change-over from where the baby receives nutrients, and the excess from before all comes out. But she only offered that as a suggestion. She wasn’t sure. She just reassured me, it /can/ be normal, and she had seen it before.

Apparently, I also have PCOS. Which I didn’t even know was a different thing from endometriosis. I had the weight gain, the terrible acne, thinning hair, and a chronic normal-looking discharge, basically all day, every day. I was able to cure the acne only in my mid 20s with a supplement called Herpanacine, but I always struggled with my weight.

I’m not sure, but I’m going to guess these things are linked to what I now know is already a problem for me, which is that my immune system is attacking my body. It explains the psoriasis I’ve had since I was eight. It explains the hypothyroidism. It explains the weird rash I broke out in all over my torso a few years ago when the doctor said my immune system was attacking my lungs, and they didn’t know what causes it.

It explains the IBS, that I was managing by taking enzymes to help digest food, and the IBS explains the anemia.

Part of me is so angry.

I look at pictures of myself when I was a teenager. My face is visibly swollen. My eyes are puffy and swollen. I was always tired and complaining of feeling sick, especially in the mornings. My ankles were swollen, my hands and feet would hurt in the mornings when I would walk or open things. My eyebrows were all but gone.

I DONT LOOK RIGHT.

There was OBVIOUSLY something MEDICALLY wrong with me!

But my mother was incapable of empathizing with other human beings, and always made me feel that my LIFE was an inconvenience, because her marriage was strained, (because she’s a sociopath). They didn’t /want/ to get married to each other. They didn’t actually /want/ me. They got married and pregnant because that was what was expected of them.

Neither of them were happy together, and even less happy trying to raise a child and provide for a family.

When my mom thought she lost me when she was pregnant, she shrugged it off and went and rode roller coasters and did stuff you’re not supposed to do when you’re pregnant, without even going to the doctor. She was shocked when he asked if she wanted to hear the heartbeat.

Nobody cared enough to notice there was something wrong, and that I needed medical attention.

Not even when my period cramps were so excruciating they left me writhing on the floor until I threw up from the pain, and then passed out from exhaustion, sweating and pale and clammy.

Nobody cared. They told me it was normal. They told me everybody has them, and to just deal with it.

They didn’t believe me when I said I felt sick and told me I just didn’t want to go to school.

And I couldn’t argue that, because I hated school. I couldn’t concentrate. I was picked on chronically for being overweight and having bad acne ad not being allowed to wear makeup to cover it up. For not wearing expensive clothes and having my nails and hair professionally done. I went to a very wealthy public school. My dad made good money. But my mother acted as if we were living in the great depression and bemoaned buying me normal things like a bar of soap, claiming she “JUST bought me some” even if it was months ago.

My mother was not right in the head. My father liked to stay out of her way.

I never felt close to him until I was fourteen, and they were worried I would kill myself and I begged them, in tears, to take me to a psychiatrist, just so I could /talk/ to someone. And the therapist told me she didn’t see any reason for me to visit with her. So I lied. I started talking about knives and said I hid one in my room and that I liked cutting things with it. And then she told my parents she had a few concerns and she thought I would benefit from coming to see her.

I had no idea I had a slew of medical and psychological conditions. And whenever I read about one I identified with, people made fun of me. “Oh, yeah, I bet you diagnose yourself with everything.“ And “Yeah, you and everybody else.“

Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Yeah, life is hard. Yeah, people struggle with different things. Yeah, nobody likes to get up in the morning and go to work, or to school, or whatever, but they do it.

Nobody wants to admit somebody might have it worse. Especially, when they look ‘normal’. - (Because I wasn’t crippled, or permanently disfigured, or throwing up every day.)

My symptoms were all things people could easily shove aside because they didn’t want to deal with it. They told me it wasn’t happening, because they didn’t want it to be their problem.

So I fucking struggles with my immune system trying to kill me, my entire life, and on top of that, a family who didn’t give a shit about it, trying to force me to function ‘normally’, because if I didn’t, it might indicate that they were less than perfect, and my mom is secretly a fucking sociopath, who believes peoples’ feelings are nothing but factors in the environment that she can either be nice about, or twist and manipulate to her own whims. She’s incapable of empathy, or of being able to perceive a viewpoint that’s not her own.

When she argues with you, she’s not trying to understand where you’re coming from. She’s not capable of it. She’ll seem confused, and just keep arguing her own point until she fucking wears you out or down, or whatever it takes until you just shut up and do what she wants.

There is no ‘you’. There’s only the way she /wants/ things to be. And that’s being kind. I still won’t talk about some of the things she put me through. -some of which I only recently recovered in my memory.

I always thought ‘repressed memories’ were things you couldn’t recall happening at all. I didn’t realize they were events that your brain ‘remembers’. I always knew this thing, on a very basic level, did happen to me. I even convinced myself it was normal, and never opened it up any deeper than ‘this vaguely happened to me a long time ago, and I don’t think about it in detail.’

And then I watched a youtube video of a woman talking about an unrelated experience, that reminded me of the depth of what happened. and

HOLY HELL.

Fucking hell.

It all came back. It all made sense.

No fucking wonder I have issues. No fucking wonder I have triggers. No fucking wonder I don’t trust people.

And that bitch. That woman that calls herself my mother. She blew off my concerns, and fucking stood there and let it happen to me.

And then she spent the rest of my life, dismissing my medical problems so she wouldn’t have to deal with them. Dismissing my emotional scarring, and trying to manipulate me into being ‘normal’. Into being like my sister, who had more energy than she knew what to do with. Who always got good grades. Who had no problem making friends.

And when I was 12, and just starting to dawn on the fact that my mother was maybe not everything she should be, my younger, naive sister, who had life at her fingertips and never ran into anything she couldn’t have or do, she told me my problems with my mom might be /my/ fault.

And I don’t blame her for giving me that pain, because she was very young, and she had no way of knowing what I was going through.

But it still hurt like hell, and I was so lonely I often asked God if he could just take me away. Because I believed that killing myself would only land me in Hell, because it would be committing a murder, of myself.

And people tell me, Grow up. Be your own woman. You don’t need a ‘man’ to save you.

And they’re right. They’re right.

I didn’t need a man. I just needed someone who could love me, and believe in me, and be patient with me, while I sort through all the bullshit of my past and try to take care of myself and become a healthier, stronger person, and overcome everything that happened to me, and maybe one day, I’ll be healthy enough to function like ‘normal people’.

I needed someone, anyone, who could help me even /get/ to a place, where I could start to save /myself/. Where all my efforts could actually start to make a difference.

His gender had nothing to do with that. Everyone needs some support. Everyone needs love. Everyone needs friends who believe in them, and help them when they can’t function like everyone else does

BECAUSE THEY HAVE A FUCKING MEDICAL CONDITION.

I read an article recently that said people with chronic fatigue from autoimmune disease is like being awake for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT, and then being expected to function like a normal person.

and I’ve lived my WHOLE FUCKING LIFE like this!! While the people who were supposed to love me and care about me, told me I was being lazy and fat and ugly and why can’t I just get over it and do what’s expected of me. I’M SO ANGRY.

....

Why did this happen to me?

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