#food is one of the few connections i have to my puerto rican side and one of the few things my family bonds over

[skeletonpendeja]

Tostones are a fried carribean delicacy, the platano (cousin of banana, looks like a bigger greener, thicker skinned banana), peeled, chopped up, fried, smooshed, then fried AGAIN.

Seasoned simply with Salt usually, but I like to add garlic powder, and I'm sure a squirt of lime would be lovely.

Or just adobo

Here is some I made like, last year pictured next to Arroz con maiz

(@samuraidj only cause u asked)

[richincolor]

Group Discussion: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega

*As is usual with our discussions, there may be a few spoilers ahead so beware.*

We were all eager to read something fun as we were getting to the one year mark in this very challenging time. Fat Chance, Charlie Vega seemed like a promising pick - and it proved to be exactly what we were seeking. I'm thankful that author Crystal Maldonado shared Charlie with the world. To find out more about Crystal, hop over to the interview here. It was great to hear directly from her about her writing.

Publisher summary: Coming of age as a Fat brown girl in a white Connecticut suburb is hard. Harder when your whole life is on fire, though.

Charlie Vega is a lot of things. Smart. Funny. Artistic. Ambitious. Fat.

People sometimes have a problem with that last one. Especially her mom. Charlie wants a good relationship with her body, but it's hard, and her mom leaving a billion weight loss shakes on her dresser doesn't help. The world and everyone in it have ideas about what she should look like: thinner, lighter, slimmer-faced, straighter-haired. Be smaller. Be whiter. Be quieter.

But there's one person who's always in Charlie's corner: her best friend Amelia. Slim. Popular. Athletic. Totally dope. So when Charlie starts a tentative relationship with cute classmate Brian, the first worthwhile guy to notice her, everything is perfect until she learns one thing—he asked Amelia out first. So is she his second choice or what? Does he even really see her?

Because it's time people did.

A sensitive, funny, and painful coming-of-age story with a wry voice and tons of chisme, Fat Chance, Charlie Vega tackles our relationships to our parents, our bodies, our cultures, and ourselves.

Let the discussion begin...

Crystal: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega made me smile just when I needed plenty of smiles. Over the past twelve months, I’ve found myself picking up many more rom-coms than usual. Even with the difficulties that the main character might face, readers still get to hope for at least a partially happy or hopeful ending and that is what I’ve been craving. Stories that deliver some joy can sure make a day brighter and Charlie’s story, totally did that for me.

K. Imani: I so agree. I’ve been doing the same over the past year and I really needed this sweet story. Like you Charlie’s story made me smile so many times. I loved how much she grew in this story and how she had such a loving heart.

Jessica: Ditto! There were so many times I looked up from reading and realized I was actually, physically smiling. I can’t get enough of YA romance right now.

Audrey: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega had some incredibly sweet and genuinely happy moments, and I was really glad we all agreed on this one for our first book discussion this year. That’s not to say there aren’t hard parts in this book--there are some that hit incredibly close to home--but it was so very nice to settle down with a book that had promised us an uplifting ending. I plowed through it in just two days and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Crystal: I found the cover to be simply lovely. Charlie is gorgeous and looks like she’s feeling beautiful in the midst of the flowers and warm colors. And she’s wearing glasses. I’ve worn glasses for most of my life, but when I was young, I thought nobody sophisticated or beautiful wore them if they could help it. Ruse by Cindy Pon, When Dimple Met Rishi (back of cover) and Slay by Brittney Morris are really the only other YA book covers I can think of that feature a main character with glasses. Mei in American Panda references her nearsightedness, but her mother says that “no woman is attractive in glasses” so Mei doesn’t wear them. Maybe there are other books, but there certainly aren’t many so it was fun to see Charlie rocking her glasses.

K. Imani: Fellow glasses wearer here too and I loved that the cover had Charlie wearing her glasses and that throughout the book she would fiddle with her glasses. It was such a small thing, but I loved how Maldonado wrote the little habits glass wearers do that are tied to how we’re feeling, use as a distraction, etc, that our glasses are really an extension of our being.

Jessica: Fat Chance, Charlie Vega definitely was one of my favorite YA covers to come out in recent years. The colors, the character, the font! Everything about the cover was just so gorgeous.

Audrey: I adore the cover. Not just because Charlie is a fat, glasses-wearing Latina like me but also because it reminded me a lot of Charlie’s references to the body positivity and fat fashion movements. The cover could be an Instagram post--Charlie front and center, looking right at the camera, all dressed up and with a gorgeous background behind her. Ericka Lugo, the Puerto Rican illustrator who designed the cover, did a phenomenal job.

Crystal: Charlie is delightful, but her relationships are seriously complicated. She has some work to do in her relationships with her mom, food, her best friend, her crushes, and most importantly with herself. This is the messiness that makes Charlie’s story feel real. The book did make me smile, but there are some struggles here too and I appreciated that Maldonado let us see Charlie do some hard work.

K. Imani: I feel like all the messiness from Charlie’s relationships is what really connected me to her. No one is perfect 100% of the time and sometimes we get into our own heads and can sabotage ourselves with our relationships. The thing with Charlie is that she learned from it, told people how she felt and made amends. Such great personal growth that is a tough journey to go on, but one we humans do on a constant basis.

Jessica: I loved that the book didn’t shy away from the messiness and complicated aspects of Charlie’s relationships, particularly with her best friend and her mother. I especially loved how Charlie’s relationships tangibly changed and grew as the book progressed -- she called out her mother on her mother’s toxic behavior, and got to a better place with Amelia. So many complex relationships were in play, and the nuance given to each relationship was really incredible.

Audrey: I think some of the most honest parts in this book were when Charlie knew--intellectually--that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being fat, that being fat doesn’t mean unhealthy or unloveable, but she was still affected by those messages and ideas. She still bought into some of them even while acknowledging they were wrong and unfair. It was rough to see her deal with those things and how they affected her own self-esteem and her relationships with others, but it was also incredibly genuine.

Crystal: Many of the issues with relationships are tangled up in how Charlie sees her body. She’s fat and is working hard to have a good and positive relationship with her body, but this is a journey that has ups and downs especially since it seems that some people aren’t willing to accept Charlie as she is. Her own mother seems to think Charlie’s body is not beautiful at the present size and thinks losing weight is essential for Charlie’s happiness. The U.S. culture strongly equates worth with our beauty standards and many of us don’t see how damaging this can be for ourselves and others. Readers can even see this in the relationship Charlie’s mother has with her own body.

K. Imani: Charlie’s relationship with her mother bothered me so much and showed how toxic our society is towards women’s bodies that her mother didn’t even realize she was hurting her child. I’m glad that Charlie sought out the body positive movement and referenced it a number of times throughout the book so folks could see how seeing yourself represented living a fully happy life, despite your size, is life affirming. It definitely was a nice juxtaposition to the messages she was receiving from her mother. On a side note, I really enjoyed how Charlie was a secret clothes hoarder and that she had a great sense of fashion.

Jessica: I sound like a broken record now, but I’m seriously in awe of how Charlie’s relationships -- particularly with her mother -- are portrayed. It’s messy, and tough, and I absolutely cheered when Charlie really told her mother how she felt. I also loved how the story depicted Charlie’s own not-so-linear journey when it came to her self-esteem, and the role that online communities played in that. Sometimes it’s easy to think of the internet as just a place of toxicity and trolls, but the truth is that there are so many wonderful communities online.

Audrey: Charlie’s relationship with her mom was so difficult and complicated, especially with her mother having put so much effort into losing weight and being able to keep it off. At one point Charlie acknowledges that her mom probably doesn’t even realize she’s being cruel. It was such a relief when Charlie was finally able to express her feelings about her mom’s behavior and comments. It didn’t magically make things better, but Charlie was able to say what she really thought and tell her mother that she was hurting her. There were a lot of painful conversations in this book, but in the end they helped Charlie sort out her important relationships and her feelings about herself.

Crystal: I agree with Brian and Charlie that Valentine’s Day isn't always great for everyone. The heart-meltingly sweet way that Brian dealt with that made me smile. To later find out that Crystal Maldonado experienced something very similar with her husband when they were younger made it even sweeter.

K. Imani: I loved what Brian did for Charlie, and their classmates, on Valentine’s day. It was so sweet and moving and definitely endeared me to his character.

Jessica: Regarding the valentines: Gasp. I did not know that! That’s so sweet. Wow.

Audrey: That’s so sweet! I really liked reading about Brian and Charlie’s relationship. The Valentine’s Day scene was incredibly endearing, and their bookstore date was also lovely. There were several great moments between them as their romance developed. I especially appreciated that Charlie--a fat character!--got to want and enjoy things like hand holding and kissing and being attracted to someone and feeling attractive. I loved all of that.

Crystal: I think we can all agree that reading this book was a delight. We recommend it especially if you’re looking for something to give you a little joy. If you’ve read it, please share your thoughts on the blogpost or on our Twitter account. We’d love to hear from you.

[isaiahrivera]

Ny Journal

Growing up, it was always difficult for me to assign myself to one culture. My mother and her side are Guatemalan and my father and his side are Puerto Rican. I’ve always lived with my mother since birth so I was exposed to more of my Guatemalan culture and heritage. However when I was young I had a stronger relationship with my father so I wanted to be more Puerto Rican. Throughout the years, when people ask me where my country of origin is, I say Puerto Rican. My response tends to be without hesitation and after I say I am also Guatemalan. I’ve never known why I’ve leaned towards my Puerto Rican side more than my Guatemalan side but that’s how it’s always been. My friends tend to only remember me being Puerto Rican, only my closest friends know both of the countries. Maybe it’s due to the fact Guatemala isn’t really known, maybe I am embarrassed to say I am Guatemalan, maybe I identify myself as just Puerto Rican. I haven’t really answered that question yet, what I do know if every time I mention that I am Guatemalan, it’s a different response then when I say I’m Puerto Rican. Most of the time the responses are, “that’s a weird mix”, “ I never heard about that mix before”, “Guatemalan, I would have never guessed”, the list goes on. Being exposed to two different cultures whose only similarity is Spanish was a challenge. Both sides had different food, danced to different music, watched and played different sports, and spoke Spanish differently. My assumption is that what I liked and what I did related more to my Puerto Rican heritage rather than my Guatemalan. However throughout the years, I’ve learned to accept both cultures for what they are and take the best of both and it’s who I am now. So now when I’m asked my background, I say I'm Puerto Rican and Guatemalan. It’s a gift to be a part of two cultures that are both similar and different and be able to experience both. 

Being that my backgrounds are both Puerto Rican and Guatemalan, there is history in my family from both countries. Unfortunately my grandparents from my Puerto Rican side passed before I was born but I was able to speak to my father and understand their journey to New York. Being that my family came from Puerto Rico, they are automatically citizens and their move to New York was fairly easy. Speaking to my father I understood that my grandfather was born in Puerto Rico and my grandmother was born and raised in Brooklyn. My grandfather moved to New York in his 20’s and met with my grandmother. My father and my aunts were all born and raised in Brooklyn. In terms of history and culture, all their culture resides with them in East New York where there sits a deep cultural heritage. This is not the same for my Guatemalan family and history. After speaking with my grandmother she made it clear that her culture resides in Guatemala. She was born and raised in Guatemala, where a majority of her family still lives. Before moving to New York she was already a mother, raising two of my uncles. She moved to New York in her late 20’s leaving my uncles in Guatemala with my grandfather. She worked as a cleaning lady and moved in with her brother in Brooklyn. With the money she made from working, she sent a majority back to Guatemala and made a name for herself in New York. Even though she started as a cleaning lady, through meeting other immigrants and involving herself more in the Spanish community, my grandmother found Red Hook Park. Red Hook Park is a park in Brooklyn where the Spanish community made it their own. Here my grandmother found herself making and selling food, making more money then cleaning and eventually brought over my uncles from Guatemala. During this time she had two other kids, my other uncle and my mother. While my grandmother worked, my older uncles raised and took care of my mother. My grandmother told me, “Dejar a mis hijos fue difícil, pero tuve que tomar una decisión para un futuro mejor.” In other words, Leaving my kids was hard, but it was a choice I had to make for a better future. “Extraño Guatemala, siempre consideró regresar, pero mis hijos y nietos están todos aquí.” My grandmother is always telling me how she wants to go back to Guatemala and how much she misses it but her kids and grandkids are all here. When I was speaking with her, she constantly brought up Red Hook Park and its influence on her. “Finding out about Red Hook Park really changed my life. I met so many people there and really connected with the Guatemalan community in New York.” Discovering Red Hook Park was life changing for my grandmother and was her introduction to the spanish community in New York. Both sides of my family have different stories of coming to the United States, however they both found a home in New York. My grandparents from both sides of my family were able to come to New York and embrace its culture while keeping theirs. This enabled my parents to meet many others who have 2 more cultures in their family. That’s the beautiful thing about New York, it’s a place where everyone can settle down and find themselves a place to call home. There are many communities around New York that have already created a culture that embraces both everyone and specific countries. Red Hook Park is a place where all countries come together to both embrace their cultures and to experience new ones. Where my father and that side of my family currently reside in Brooklyn is a place where Puerto Ricans come together. These are communities that allow us to take a look at them and say they are latinx communities in New York.

Throughout the years growing up I have lived in various areas around New York, each with its own community and culture. My earliest memories are of the Pomonok Houses in Queens. My grandmother resided there and so did me and my mother for a while. Here the community was quite small but was very integrated. My grandmother lived in her apartment for about 10 years so everyone was familiar with her. She would have cookouts in the park and would feed all the kids and even adults. Everyone knew each other and it felt like a small community where we all had each other's back. This sense of community changed when I moved to Queens Bridge housing. Here I felt like an outcast, like I didn’t belong. There was no sense of community or safety, there just was constant crime. Queens Bridge is where I experienced the bad of New York, there were constant shoot outs, stabbings, muggings, the list goes on. My step brother and I were mugged multiple times there. After about two years living there I moved with my father to East New York. Here I felt more at home than anywhere else. My father and his aunt had created a community there. She has owned a house on Jamaica Ave by Highland park for decades and it was where my father grew up. Being that I looked just like him, I knew I would have no issues there since he knew everyone and everyone knew him. Like my grandmother, my father would have cookouts in the park where the entire neighborhood would come. Being that my father is Puerto Rican, he created a certain friend group of Puerto Ricans. On the Puerto Rican Day Parade, my father would hang Puerto Rican Flags over Jamaica Ave and pretty much shut the whole block down with a huge party. This was a tradition for him and the neighbors who were Puerto Rican. Unfortunately it never occurred to me to take pictures of the occasion, if I had it would be here. After living in Brooklyn for 4 years, I moved back with my mother and resided in Long Island City. There isn’t much to say considering I only lived there for a few months before I moved to where I currently live. Currently I live in East Elmhurst where it seems that my family is one of the few hispanics in the neighborhood. The neighborhood is mainly Asian but it is the most peaceful area I have lived in yet. My experiences living around New York allowed me to experience different parts of this big city. In terms of a Latinx experience, it resides in East New York where the Puerto Ricans and Dominicans really come together and create something more. Even though I have experienced a portion of  Latinx in New York, it’s much more than small communities.

My experiences so far in New York City have shown me a small piece of Latinx. There is a much deeper history and meaning to Latinx than we realise. Before Latinx became what it is today, there were steps taken by those from Latin America. It began in the 70’s where New York had its first “Latin Boom”. The reason for the emphasis on “Latin Boom” is due to the growth of the latino population surpassing one million in New York City. With this increase in Latin population, there were increases in latin culture within the city. In the 70’s there was a large infatuation with salsa and an increase in politicians and activists. From the 1970’s, the Latin population had a steady increase and impacted the culture of New York City. In 1990 the Latin population was 24% of the overall population in New York and increased to 29% in 2010. Puerto Ricans and Dominicans have the highest population amounts compared to any other Latino groups. Over the decades latino culture has impacted the city in a way no other group has. Currently Latinos are 25% of the city’s eligible voters which is a big improvement from the 1990’s where they were only 18%.  There has also been an increase in Latin organizations and advocacy efforts both formal and informal. Not only has the Latin population increased in population but it has had effects on communities all around New York City. Take a walk anywhere in Queens, Brooklyn or Manhattan, you will find a corner deli with a Latin worker and a cat. Maybe not all deli’s have cats but the Latin worker you will find without a doubt in my mind. Being that I have lived in various neighborhoods around New York City, I know the importance of these deli’s. Not only do they provide food, drinks, lottery tickets, they provide a sense of security. Jane Jacobs mentioned something similar in her book, about safety and security with shop owners. These bodegas give the same feeling once you get to know the workers who run it. There have been multiple occasions where I went to these deli’s after school and the guy or woman behind the counter gave me free food and a place to stay. These deli’s are the hearts of communities, where you run into friends, old acquaintances, even meet new people. Latinx isn’t only about the people or what they do but about the culture and a big part of the culture is the art. 

New York is rich with culture and a major factor of the culture is the art. You can find art anywhere in New York City, on buildings, trains, walls, you take a train anywhere and you will see art. Art comes in various forms from murals to graffiti. My uncle who is Puerto Rican was big into graffiti and in the 90’s would leave his tag on train tracks. This was a big fad in the 90’s and was mainly used by hispanics. Latinos began doing graffiti in the 70’s and still are in the present. Personally, graffiti is my favorite type of art and was a big part of my childhood. I never did graffiti but seeing it on buildings while taking the F train was inspiring. Lady Pink was an Ecuadorian graffiti artist in the 70’s and 80’s whose work I really enjoy.

Both pieces, the first being a mural and the second being graffiti was done by Lady Pink. The first is called Lady Liberty is Bush’s Whore which was politically charged considering it criticized President Bush’s administration. To be more specific it portrayed the erosion of civil liberties and the monkey represents Bush with a chain around lady liberty. The graffiti titled Pink on a CC train is more of the artist's tag. You see tags like this more often around New York City than murals which have a deeper meaning to it. Murals however catch the eye more than tags since it’s meant to have a deeper understanding.

This mural called Soldaderas located in East Harlem by artist Yasmin Hernandez has a very deep meaning to it. It portrays the current hostility between Mexicans and Puerto Ricans within the neighborhood. The mural shows what Hernandez feels could happen between the two which is to coexist without the hostility. She believed they can not only coexist but work together to fight against the injustices in the community. Currently Murals have become a more acceptable art form than graffiti for obvious reasons. Latin culture since the 70’s has given New York City art never seen before them. It has allowed art to become what it is today, to give artists voices. Both artists used their murals to portray a message rather than just to be appealing to the eye. This is the power of the Latin community in New York City and in any other city for that matter.

Being only 21 years old, I have experienced a small piece of New York City and Latinx. It is everywhere in the city and I am happy to be a part of it. My family has shown me what exactly it means to be hispanic and taught me to embrace it. My grandmother who is Guatemalan who goes to Red Hook Park and embraces its culture with me and my father who embraces his Puerto Rican culture and created something in East New York never seen before. I am glad to have such rich culture in my family and especially glad to be hispanic. Unfortunately I am not fluent in spanish but the goal is to be one day. At that point in my life I will consider myself a part of the Latinx culture in New York City and take from my family to embrace my culture and do something more with it.

[lessthanthreeman]

Personal Post

I just wanted to write this because it’s been on my mind and I find it frustrating how few resources there seem to be about it. With Cinco de Mayo coming up, and Latino media being all around, I’m reminded that I’m technically of mixed descent, which to be clear, I’m pretty proud of. I was raised by my mother and her side of the family who are white through and through so for a majority of my life that’s what I identified as and where a lot of my mannerisms and cultural understanding comes from. I imagine it was probably for the best, particularly growing up on Long Island, especially considering I am VERY white passing.

I never met my father (who was Puerto Rican [though later DNA tests on myself reveal that genetically speaking he was predominantly Spanish, so white Hispanic)] and have no desire to. Literally, the extent of my knowledge about him is that he was ethnically Puerto Rican to some capacity. I genuinely believed that women just got immaculately pregnant on their own until I was 7 as I just assumed I didn’t have a father (it’s somewhat embarrassing to admit, even if I was young and how was I supposed to know? I didn’t understand what was so special about the story of Mary for a long time to put it mildly.).

I remember the night I found out so vividly. I was at a sports practice and the kids were talking about their dads. I proclaimed that I didn’t have one. One of the older kids informed me that that was impossible. I was honestly offended and went to our coach, who I assume didn’t know how to respond or why I would even ask (I don’t blame him), so he told me that I definitely have a father. Again, outraged, when I got back home I asked my mother about it who told me that I did have a father.I asked “Well if I have a father, that means I must be half something else” as she had grown up telling me her half and that the other half was “American” because I was born in America (lmao). She told me that I was Puerto Rican, which I didn’t have a problem with. I didn’t even know where that was (and I guess by some technicalities, she wasn’t wrong in saying I was “American”, just “American Territory”) so that was of little impact to me. I was furious that whoever my father was chose to have no part in my life and I felt nothing but bitterness, so when she asked if I wanted to know more about him, I said no. I still like to keep it that way if I’m being honest. I am still bitter and if the little snippets I’ve heard in hushed tones from my other family is any indication, I don’t want to know more about him even if I wasn’t.

So, I continued to consider myself exclusively white because that’s what other people considered me, that’s how I was raised, that’s what I look like and likely subconsciously because I was bitter and it did benefit me on some level. As it turns out though, my mother has a thing for Hispanic guys (a little weird I guess, maybe a bit fetishistic [I don’t know the extent and I don’t want to know so I can’t say for certain], but good for her I suppose) and she soon after got involved with another guy, my now pseudo-step father in all but legality really. He’s of Mexican and Puerto Rican descent, his father lived in Mexico (and has since gone back of his own volition), his mother (IIRC) lived in Puerto Rico, etc. He’s not deeply associated with his roots, he’s definitely “assimilated” having grown up in New York and California. He speaks broken Spanish, perfect English, and really is an American through and through, save for some more traditional cultural vestiges (which isn’t bad to be clear). He loves chihuahuas, sombreros, maracas, Mexican cuisine, Speedy Gonzalez etc. It’s somewhat superficial and a bit stereotypical, but I understand why he feels a connection to it as a very American man. It’s an easy way for him to very clearly connect to his roots, even if they’re not pieces of great cultural significance. Whether or not it’s problematic, I’m glad it gives him some of the connection he wants to his culture and it makes him proud.

Growing up around him and his kids, I felt a bit like an outsider, and I’ll probably admit, initially I was arrogant. I grew up being an only child (which definitely was a big shift to begin with) and couple that with the fact that I was still at that time an academic golden child in traditionally very (BIG quotes here) “polite” (Read: white) environments, I didn’t really jive with my brothers for a long time. As things went on though, I had my golden kid breaking point, crashed out a bit, eventually my mom moved in with him bringing me in tow, and I mellowed out a bit as I got over some teenage angst. During that time, I never fully connected with the heritage because it wasn’t mine, I’m not Mexican, but I understood and appreciated it. I can earnestly say, it is one of the cultures that I am the most fascinated and captivated by. I can go on and on and wax poetic about the historical achievements of Native peoples of Central America, their food, their ability to weather adversity, and their faith that things will get better. The culture is so much deeper than the “illegal immigrants” and cartel ties that we’re constantly shown in media, and I’m glad that to an extent things are slowly shifting to show the humanity of the people. But anyway, tangents aside, I’m still very culturally white and white passing, albeit with a better understanding of Latino cultures.

As more and more time goes on though, I am starting to feel like I’m a bit disconnected from a part of my culture and heritage, but I feel uncomfortable claiming it. Not because I don’t want people to know that I’m Hispanic, I have no issue with that, in fact I love whipping out that I’m sleeper Hispanic with a Hispanic family when people think they’re safe to be a little racist with me before I call them out on it. The reason is just because I don’t feel Hispanic enough and I’m too white, and it’s something I’ve struggled with for a while, but it becomes more and more obvious to me as time goes on. I understand that this is a really common issue for people of mixed races, particularly for those with mixed heritage upbringings. They feel adrift between two worlds and people are always looking for a way to categorize them into their preexisting schemas of how we view race in America. Some of what these people say when I’m looking for it resonates with me, but a lot of it also doesn’t. It’s not because my life is harder or I’m special or anything, but it is a very particularly niche scenario. I grew up almost exclusively white, it’s difficult for me to convince a lot of people that I’m more than white, I grew up with white privilege, and I never really had a Hispanic/Latino experience.

I want to be clear, this isn’t me crying about being white, particularly also being male, cis, and generally het. It’s been a privilege for sure that’s opened up a lot of doors that wouldn’t have otherwise been open to me, I’m sure, and I wish I could extend those same rights, opportunities, and safeties to everybody. That said, I feel like a complete outsider to those roots and feel dirty claiming them. Like I’m taking it away, diluting, or appropriating those cultural celebrations from the people who really deserve them. My experiences with the people and the culture is that they’re ecstatic to share it and have people take an interest in it. It’s generally very inclusive, friendly, and they love to treat you (or at least me as a very small boyish looking man) like family. It’s genuinely awesome. I can’t not think of myself as the generic white dude who works a boring office job and says every Spanish word with the whitest accent possible (to be clear I do work an office job, but I do a pretty solid job of pronunciation with EXCELLENT R rolls, trills, etc.) invading a space not made for me.

It’s a really complex topic, one that’s hard to fully articulate, which is what I’ve seen is a consistent thread in writings from mixed race individuals talking about their experiences. I’m friends with a surprisingly large amount of white passing Puerto Rican mixed race people and you’d think I’d talk about it more with them, but no. I probably should, but it’s a personal and somewhat intimate topic to just suddenly spring on people. For now though, I suppose I’m content to observe and appreciate Latin-X culture and people “from a distance” and amplify their voices as much as I can as a white passer.

[nathancone]

Interview: Ricardo Chavira on “Selena: The Series”

(Photo credit: Sara Khalid/Netflix ©2020)

Below, an edited transcript of my Texas Public Radio interview with Ricardo Chavira about his role as Abraham Quintanilla on “Selena: The Series,” which is premiering this month on Netflix. To hear an audio version of this interview, listen to the program “Fronteras.” 

Nathan Cone: When did you first learn of "Selena: The Series” from Netflix? Or how did you find out that it was even happening?

Ricardo Chavira: You know, I had heard a couple little rumors about it, Nathan, and ... where was I? Pilot season had just happened, and I got close on a couple of things. But, you know, nothing really turned up. And then I was working on, like an independent film out in the Lake Tahoe area. And my agent send me send me an appointment. They give me a call and I look at the you know, I look at the appointment, it's in an email and it says, you know, to read for Selena, the series. And I was like, okay, but who am I reading for? Like, just a. Which character? Because I'm too old to be the the the brother. They don't have me reading for the dad, do they? [laughs] And lo and behold, they did! And so I was like, "I can't do this." This role is not for me.

Why was that?

Well because, I mean, you know, I'm six foot one and a half, you know, and and Abraham Quintanilla is is a much smaller-statured man. We're just, we look completely different. At least I thought, you know? And so I said, "Guys, I you know, I just I just don't see it. I have to pass." I don't want to waste anybody's time. They call me back about 10 minutes later and they're like, "Casting wants to talk to you." The casting director for this project is Carla Hool, and I've been into her office for numerous other projects. And I was like, "Fine, have her give me a call." And so she calls me. She's like, "Ricardo, I think this is your role." And I was like, "OK, why? Because I don't see it." And she goes, "Okay, look, let me allow allow me to explain." And it's, you know, playing Abraham over the course of from the time she was young to the time that when she passed, when he first got the idea to get her singing, you know, and the family, when they were in the Lake Jackson area, to, you know, when she passed away, tragically. And so she's like, "Let me send you some pictures." And she sends me sends me some younger pictures of Abraham and, you know, Abraham through the years. And then I was like, "OK, I get it. I get it now." So and we're going through the aging process and all that stuff. And then she gave me information on the director and then she sent me some-- she couldn't send me a lot of script information-- She was like, "You know, I just can't." I'm like, "Well, you need to send me something and I need to be able to see that this is worthwhile." And I got some sides that they sent me a little bit more in-depth than what they were sending some other people. And I could tell immediately that they had some people that were writing on that staff that were from South Texas. The cadences, the just the back and forth in English to Spanish and everything. It sounded so familiar to me. And then I went, because I've never seen the movie.

Now, even?

Now, even! I probably saw some clips of the movie 20 something years ago when it first came out and it was like....

Wow, how did you escape that? Just as an aside.

As an aside, I wasn't exactly the biggest fan of the of Tejano music! I mean, my dad would blare it in his truck every time he'd pick me up. And I, you know, I wanted to listen to Metallica and Nirvana and all that stuff. I had no interest in this, you know, and then when the movie came about, you know, I I didn't really have an interest in J-Lo. I thought they did us a disservice by casting a Puerto Rican when they should have found somebody who was Mexican-American from South Texas. I mean, that was my own take. Anyway, so I never really watched the movie. Like I said, I might have seen some clips of it on Entertainment Tonight back in 90-something. And I still haven't watched it today! But I went online and I looked at some interviews that Abraham Quintanilla had done talking to different talk shows and outlets and whatnot, and I listened to him and watched him and I was like, “My God, this is like watching any one of my tios or my dad or any….” But I'm like, I know this guy! I grew up with like ten of him, subjecting me to all kinds of male macho torture, you know? And I said, I can do this. I'm pretty sure I can do this. And so I said, OK, I get it. I'll put it on tape. And I did. And that was it. You know, like they loved what I did.

I remember you showed me some photos of yourself [as Abraham], did you kind of make yourself up a little bit as part of those?

So initially what I did was I just put myself on tape, just that's it. And then they said they wanted to see it. So, you know, can you put yourself on tape again? I was like, guys, I already did it, you know, come on. Like, I've got a pretty decent resume, you know? And they're like they just they want to see it. I'm like, OK, that's fine. So I got some pictures of Abraham and I just, you know, used a cheap pair of sunglasses from my son's drawer that probably cost like five bucks. And one of my neighbors had a Tommy Bahama shirt that kind of matched the color of the shirt that Abraham was wearing in the picture. And and I slicked my hair back and I just ate and drank whatever I want to, to have a little bit of weight about me within the picture. And it worked.

So I guess what connects with you with the role immediately of Abraham Quintanilla, what you're saying is that it wasn't so much the music or the legacy of the life of Selena right away that said, you know, maybe you want to do this, but that this is a South Texas story that I and a family story that I can relate to.

Very much so. So, you know, look, it's not that I'm not a fan of Selena's music, it's just at that time when she was popular, that's not what I listen to. But I was surrounded by it all day long. I mean, my dad was listening to KTXN and (???) and all that and "Radio Festival," you know, is blaring out of his truck whenever he'd pick me up from school or drop me off somewhere or whatever, you know. And so it was it was always there in the background, you know. And now it's funny because I actually do listen to a lot of conjunto and Tejano music. (Yeah.) You know, I appreciate it a lot. Even before I, I got cast as Abraham in this movie or in the series, I mean, and so ...

Well, that's how we develop musically anyway. I mean, our lives are such that we're like, oh, we get opened up to so many things.

Well, it becomes you know, for me it's like comfort food, nostalgia, taking me back to when I was, you know, 19, 20, 21, jumping into my dad's truck. Yeah. And it reminds me of those times. So but more importantly, to go back to what you were saying. Yeah. For me, the attraction was this is a South Texas story. Even like even though. I wasn't necessarily a quote unquote, fan of her music, I appreciated it, but more importantly, I appreciated what she meant and what her family meant to us. And so what I mean by us is South Texas, the South Texas community. But also what I mean by us is Mexican Americans that live in South Texas. This story is the ... it's literally the universal story of the American dream, but it's framed in a Mexican-American family. And that is so vital and so important to this community, San Antonio, in every community south of San Antonio, all the way to the border, you know. And we don't…. I mean, who do we have?

That movie came out twenty-something years ago. With Edward James Olmos and Jennifer Lopez, and here we have a series coming out about it again, twenty-something years later. In between those, what other massive story has been out there that has told a story of Mexican Americans from South Texas? None.

So you're telling me this is the only story that exists that we can put, that we can encapsulate on film or in sit in a cinematic setting or in a series setting that tells a story about the people of South Texas? This is the only story we have? So for me, it was important to tell the story again. But it's also important because there are so few opportunities to be able to be somebody who is from South Texas and who's an actor to be able to play somebody where I grew up.

There's a line in the movie that gets repeated often. And I'm wondering if this is touched on in the series at all. Where in the in the picture in the movie version, Edward James Olmos says something and I'm going to paraphrase it because I can't read the exact quote. But he says, you know, we're we're not American enough and we're not Mexican enough.

Oh, we hit on that a lot in the series. And not just once. It comes up often, you know, and the idea that it's like, yes, she's Mexican, but she's an American girl.

Mm hmm.

I mean, you know, Abraham was wanted to be a musician and he was playing doo wop music. You know, he would he loved American music, but he saw the ... what he saw was he saw an opportunity and he saw a young girl. And then when they started, they were they were singing American songs. But and what we do is we show this in the series where it's like all of a sudden he goes to a fair and he sees a Tejano band up there playing music and bam, it clicks. And he realizes if this is going to happen for them and they're going to be successful at this and we can actually make money at this and survive and live as a family off of this music, we've got to be specific about what we're doing. And so he decided to hone in on the specificity that is Tejano music. Yeah, you know, and he made it work. You know, it's the thing is, is that the series is it is about it's Selena, but it's also the story that is the Quintanilla family. And specifically, it's a story that is Abraham Quintanilla making all of this a reality.

Tell me again who else was in the cast and what's it like?

And we've got, let's say, Seidy Lopez, who is actually she played, I think, one of the cousins in the original Selena movie. She's playing Marcella, Abraham's wife, amazing actor, like just ... she's got a great stillness to her man, just it's it's wonderful to work with her because I really feel like I work with her a lot as being, you know, being husband and wife. And it's been an absolute joy. Christian Serratos plays Selena at the older age high school and then in her 20s. Gabe Chavarria plays A.B. Noemi Gonzalez plays Suzette. Let's see Julio Macias, who's on a show on Netflix, called On Our Block, he plays Pete Asudio. And then the young ones, the kids, Maddy and Juan and Daniella. Which it's crazy. Working with the kids was the best thing. Like, I like I just I know them from their names. I know them as their characters. They did such a good job. But that stuff when when I was, you know, playing Abraham at as a younger Abraham when the kids were younger, those are some of my absolute favorite scenes.

And you filmed it where, where was it all filmed?

And we were filming in in Mexico, just south of Tijuana, in Baja California. Sorry, guys. Yeah. So and I it's funny because when I first got cast, I was like, oh, this is great. Like we're going to be shooting here in Texas…. And [then] I was like, [sad trombone noise, laughs]. I was like, oh, OK. But it makes sense because you're talking shooting from Lake Jackson, what, 1979, 1980, and then, you know, at the height of her career, which was when I was, let's see, shortly after graduating high school, so from like, say, ‘89 until like ‘91, ‘92, you know, and a lot of that stuff, I mean, that's 30 years ago.

Yeah, I've been to Lake Jackson in the past year or so, and it's much different than it was.

Even downtown San Antonio is much different, you know. You know the convention center, you can't use that facade. So we had to go find a facade that we thought looked the part. And you can find older structures in in most every part of Mexico. You know, a lot of those buildings are of an older era. You know, a lot of that construction that existed back then and the, you know, mid 80s into the mid 90s. A lot of it's not there anymore. You know, or it's or it's been converted or renovated or whatever. So that that probably is the reason why they chose to shoot down in Mexico.

You talked about, how you could relate to, and you knew guys like Abraham when you were growing up. And so you're like, “oh, I know that guy. I can play that that part.” You're a father yourself, of course, too… So what's your relationship with your kids like compared to, say, this part… your playing and Abraham…. and do you do you ever bring anything from your own experience with children to this part? Or does anything else rub off from Abraham to your kids, especially as they're getting older?

I think I think that's a really good question for my children! What do they think about that? I think when they see it, they're going to be like, "Mm-hmm, yeah, we know, we know that guy!" You know, this is it's very interesting. Like when we when there were a couple of scenes that we were working on, you've got these actors that are in their like, you know, late 20s in the mid-30s that are trying to play down a little bit. You know, there's like, say, 17, 18, 19, like when they're in high school. But they're millennials, you know, and they live in this era and they don't understand what the what parenting and, you know, parent child relationships were like back then. And it's that thing of like, you know, when your dad says, get off the phone, you get off the phone and then go even further where it's like it's one phone and it's attached to a wall and it's cord, you know, and then and then go even further where this is a Mexican-American family with a traditional Mexican American father who's very machismo. Like, you hang up the phone, you know? there's not even a look back, much less talk back, you know, or complaining. So there’s a lot of that in Abraham. I mean, it's like I said, it's very much my dad. It's my my uncles, you know, the way they parented, which I remember very well. You know, it's my way or the highway kid, that's it. This is my house. I pay the bills. You will do X, Y and Z. And there's a bit of that that I do use in my own parenting with my children, you know? Boys are hard. You know, boys are difficult. But also I do try and talk to my [kids]…I'm much more about me, Ricardo, as a parent. I'm much more about trying to sit down with my kids and explain things to them and talk to them and be open with them, not just about things that are happening in the world, but also things that are happening with me where I'm doubtful about the situation, or the situation scares me. And, you know, you have to try to just be as honest and truthful with my children as possible, which parents back then didn't always do, you know? So it's very interesting to be on the set because those sets kind of transport you back, and the clothes transport you back, and all of a sudden you get that, you know, and then I just think about what my dad would be doing and bam, there's Abraham.

You feel like you feel it because the clothes, you know, you put them on and you're like…

I mean, it's. Oh, yeah. Some of this this time period, you know, you're talking especially when we get into when the kids are older teenagers and into their 20s. I mean, you're talking 1989, 91, 92. Fashion was atrocious.

Does the actress who's playing your wife wear those big glasses?

Oh, yeah! Oh, and I know and I've got this, you know, and that's that was part of Abraham's demeanor, like those sunglasses he always had them on. You know, I personally think that he kind of used them as a shield. You know, whenever he was doing business, you know, it was like his coat of arms. And when he had those on, you could not penetrate. You know, and he was and that's the other thing that you learn in the series is how how this family was so just the family always hanging around and so rarely did they let in strangers. And so if you were let in, you know, it was a big deal. You know, the band members that were a part of this, you know, they were a part of that family. And if Abraham didn't like somebody, bam, they were gone.

Well, how closely is the Quintanilla family working with the producers of this this show? But I know that they're very careful about the legacy and the image and everything of their family and their family story. And the reason why I'm asking this, is I'm just curious if they...

I'm sure they're you know, I'm sure they get to read all the scripts and they check it out and they have to. I know that they have to give clearance on ... They had to give clearance on all the casting. So, you know, it's their hands. You know, Suzette, I think is the one that's taking the rein, so to speak, of being in charge of this kind of thing and I think I'm sure she's doing a very good job. I'm almost certain they've got their hands and their voice and everything with regards to this project.

Well, I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

You know a lot of people have, man! It's a huge story. And not just here in South Texas. I mean, but, you know, having spent time in Mexico, you know, our Mexican population, the northern states, you know, huge fans. They just ... it's a beautiful story. It's a tragic story. I mean, it literally is a telenovela. And my connection, you know, that I'm from South Texas. I'm from San Antonio. Corpus Christi is not that far away. Selena and I were only a couple months apart in age. You know, she was born in oh, God, what was it, April to April? She was born in the month of April and I was born in the month of September of 1971. You know, we were both graduating high school the same year. I remember I was at Incarnate Word College, I was doing theater at Incarnate Word College, and I was walking up, was it Broadway to catch my bus back home at like, I don't know, three o'clock in the afternoon or something like that and Selena had that boutique there. Yeah. And I remember walking by the day that she was shot and people were there were flowers out there. There were camera crews out there. People were crying and everything. And I was and, you know, there's no there's no smartphones in your hand. So it's like, let me get home so I can make the news so I can see what happened. And sure enough, I get off my bus. I, you know, kind of quickly make myself get myself back to my house, open the door and my dad's there. And he was like, Selena was shot. And I was like, oh. And he's like, come sit down, let's watch the news, and I was like, OK. We sat down and we watched it, but yeah, it's ... you know ... [trails off]

Um, one last question--you mentioned, of course, and the dearth of stories from this area about South Texas, about people from South Texas, and is that something that you maybe have ever wanted to find a producing partner on and maybe put something like that together?

So that's a beautiful question, Nathan, thank you for asking. As a result of this with Selena, they've actually they made me a co-producer on it.

Congratulations!

Thank you. And I've been able to create a very great relationship with Jaime Davila, who is the head of Campanario Entertainment that is producing Selena and he's our producer, just he's so smart. He's so smart. He's he wants to just focus on telling Latino, Latinx stories. And so he's got several things that he's working on, specific stories to San Antonio, specific stories to South Texas. I'm pretty sure he wants to utilize me and maybe one or two of those, which is great. We'll have to see. I also have a couple of things that I'm working on with a good friend of mine, Tony Plana. Tony Plana and are looking at a couple of things that we're trying to get to secure the rights to. So if that happens, these would be a couple of other stories that are specific to South Texas about some, you know, some really famous Mexican Americans from the area. I think that this retelling of Selena in a series format is going to be really big for not just for her family and for her story and for her legacy, but also for the legacy that is South Texas and San Antonio and Corpus and, you know, all the way down to McAllen and and those areas. And I think you're going to start seeing more stories coming out about our area. I think it's I think it's long overdue.

Well, Ricardo, thank you so much.

Thanks! Thanks for taking the time.

.

[deereelis]

RE-CALIBRATING...

Written June 11, 2019

Transcript:

Good Morning sunshines, thank you all for being here today.  I’d like to start by acknowledging all of you for being here at this moment, friends, family, colleagues, ex-boyfriends, ex-PO’s, teachers, my esteemed spirit community but most importantly... my long lists of partners in crime.  My partner whom I share with spirit, my other partner who I share with in love, My other partner whom I share with in laughter, my other partner whom I share with in art and my favorite partner of all:  the one whom we shared a body: my seed, my love my utter joy, my mini-goddess... mi hija.

I invited you all here today because I’ve got a little bit of bad news & rather than go and send this many individual text messages, I decided to do it the ‘old-fashioned way’ & make a video on you tube.   

Speech: I gathered you all here today to hold myself accountable and apologize to all the men & women I’ve disappointed.  I recognize that I have not been the easiest person to deal with and for that, I am sorry.  I also recognize that sometimes my snarky remarks, smug face, and my ability to lift your mistakes and downplay my errors can be provoking.  Maybe those provocations have led to you wishing bad things for me, saying mean things to me and hoping I would disappear.  Maybe you tried to make me disappear, maybe you threatened me, poked me, put yours hands on me, raised your voice, maybe you tried to smear me.  Or maybe, you just didn’t say anything when you saw others express meanness toward me.  Either way, I wanted to apologize to all of you whom I triggered or offended to the point that you felt uncomfortable.

I accompany your sentiment of discomfort.  I too feel extremely uneasy that I exist in a world where we could treat one another so poorly.  I have been treated like crap and I have treated others like crap and I regret it, I do.  I am by far not a saint, though every day I try to be better than the day before. My life has given me the most unique of perspectives & I’ve learned to embrace them all.  Every memory has contributed to the person that I am and who I strive to be and for that I am eternally grateful.  The ability to have such vast life experiences that it allows you to connect with people genuinely through love is one of the many blessings of my life. It’s been a long journey and I still have a ways to go. As a child, I chuckled when I saw 2 men kiss; because that's what I knew to be humor.  These days, I feel ‘love’... so deeply inside... it overcomes what the eyes can see and what the mind perceives.  Sometimes I roll my eyes or make fun of people when they say foolish things, because that’s what I know to be humor; but I want to work on my humor not being at the expense of possibly shaming an individual.  Though shame can build character,  it’s not my place to build outside of my temple.  

I want to free my mind of colonialism.

I want to be in the business of building others and not contribute to their stress.  If my humor comes at the expense of picking another apart or using my words as venom to your spirit; no lifting can occur if I am pulling you down.  

I want to free my mind of colonialism.

Far from perfect as I am, I live in a home where individuality and creativity is encouraged.  I come from a long, deep lineage of strong Puerto Rican matriarchs & the warriors that lift us. In my community we hold up our men and our men hold us up.  I have been lifted and supported through the grimiest seasons, by the most masculine of gods. 

I try not to make plans too far in advance, because while I may enjoy drinking wine & sitting by a fire right now; in a couple of weeks I may not want to toxify my liver and would rather meditate by a lake.  I am constantly changing, and more times than not- am barely recognizable, even to myself.

As many know, I ran for local office for the first time in 2015, because I was tired of challenging a non-inclusive system whose representatives didn’t feel they needed to respond to people like me.  So I ran and I won. It’s been an amazing run and there’s nothing I love more than being able to sit at decision-making tables on behalf of folks who don’t typically have a voice: (My identities: disabled, woman, MOM, less-affluent, of Puerto-Rican heritage, reformed hood-rat, Goddess, Artist)

But the truth is, the system needs WD-40 because it is rusty and it has creaky ankles.  This structure is set with such rigidity that any attempt to change anything would create such a significant shift in a cycle that’s perpetuated convenient chaos for years.  I have had many heated one-sided conversations with humans of the male persuasion who believed that disagreeing on a vote was grounds to threaten, disrespect, or slander another.  (Let’s hold this thought)

For the past few years, I have been on a spiritual journey that has intensified deeply in the past few months. Everything I’ve known to be true and my life as I knew it, was no longer.  It wasn’t that I stopped loving those whom I’d chosen to build a life with.  It was that, the way I was showing up for them, wasn't conducive with my best self (or who I believe her to be).  In fact, recognizing that lacking self-love for so many years, created a falsehood of sorts, I had to re-evaluate EVERYTHING.  How could I fully love my husband, if I hadn’t learned how to love me yet?  What was I teaching my daughter about what love and relationships are through my actions?  How could I ensure that my judgmental or critique didn’t make her self-aware or insecure?  How can I create space for her to be her fullest self without inflicting my conditions? How can I be a better daughter, sister, mentor- without being a better individual, first?  How could I fix my life when I’m so stuck in the hamster wheel of cycle of life to stop & actually fix it?

So I worked at being better.  I woke up early to watch sunrises, sunsets, I’ve written, I’ve meditated, traveled, spent time in nature, be mindful of how I eat, reading, called old friends, spoke my truths, participated in ceremony and began to exhibit this beautiful thing called unconditional love within friends and friends of friends. Through this healing community of love,  I made new connections with people with similar interests. The question remained, how do I maintain these newfound relationships when I still haven’t figured out how to maintain my nucleus, myself? And who was she anyway?  (Let’s hold this thought)

I’ve been in conversation with friends where we project our insecurities onto each other.  You accept it because as the more ‘enlightened one’ you see the bigger picture and respect their process?  When family begins to ‘judge’ you; ‘resent’ you; and loved ones want to attempt to ‘compete’ with you; you tolerate it because you know that they must be going through something and it will eventually work itself out. When people who were once supporters begin to attack you, and ‘agreeing to disagree’ is no longer a viable option, but you accept it because you accept it as part of the ‘game’ you signed up for.  (Let’s hold this thought) 

When death, abuse, disease and long held traumas begin to peer their ugly heads to remind you of your limited time on this plane. When you see loved ones suffering, homeless, sick, dying, abused, children left with no parents.  When you know your love is vast but your resources aren’t.  When you stretch yourself so thin that you no longer respond to emails, phone calls at the pace you once did.  There were activities that I once was so excited for that no longer resonate for me, because of my constant evolution.  It seemed like a great idea in January, but NO, I am no longer interested in going to that concert.  Yes, the book seemed like a great idea a month ago, but I rather read something pertaining to astrology or genetically modified foods.  I am a constant, ever-changing soul that has found her way and unfortunately it is NOT the way in which people know or remember me. I am not sorry for what this loss means for you. For to know me is to know how I’ve struggled and to know those struggles, only an enemy couldn’t find joy in my growth.

You see, I am holding myself to a higher standard.  I want to ALWAYS see the humanity in folks and am committed to treating everyone I come in contact with, with full-respect and honesty.  Mainly, because as long as your heart beats, you remain a wonder and worthy of love.  As a steward of love, I accept that calling..  I don’t ask for ANYTHING in return, except mutual respect..

This means that those games of ‘playing victim’ to make me feel bad, the little jabs you take to send a message when you refuse to ‘use your words’ to communicate, those blatant calls and texts of mine you ignore, the ways in which you feel it’s okay to touch me when you’re upset, lie about me, spread rumors about me, threaten me; if it isn’t centered in love & growth; I NO LONGER speak that language. So you can go fly a kite and go fu&k yourself with all that negative self-talk. I can’t keep holding space for all those thoughts without it depleting me.

You see, with all due respect: colleagues, family, friends, husband, daughter, soul mates: we all have a lot of work to do.  I won’t ever sit here and pretend to be healed because I’ve got a long way to go before I even scratch the surface of progress.  But, I can recognize that I haven’t been living up to the standard in which I know I’m capable of and want to strive to be better.  You can come with me for the ride of growth or you can stay where we’ve been.  I will love you anyway, but for me- settling in the same ol’ same ol’ is NO LONGER a path I’m willing to travel.  I want to be better.  I will be better.  I don’t mean better THAN you, I mean better than I have been to myself and to others.

I scheduled a trip for my spirit in the first week in July where I’ll be traveling alone to New Orleans.  While down there, I will be attending a concert of soul music and only invited my best friends for the concert ONLY.  The rest of the week is to nurture my soul, sit with myself and just be.  I have a lot of releasing to do of the many ways I’ve absorbed other people’s toxic behaviors towards me and in the ways I’ve internalized and perpetuated those vicious cycles. I also have a lot of forgiving to do: of myself & those who’ve demonstrated remorse.

Being a City Councilor while on this spiritual path has been the most exhausting time of my life.  Holding space for others  and not having a place to release those holdings has been tiring.  Having people tell me I’m a diamond, yet ignore and disregard me like rubbish, is brutal.  But what is even more brutal than someone who dares mistreat the Goddess is that their view of whether  I am rubbish or a diamond are irrelevant; what matters is that I KNOW I’m a diamond & never settle for less-than diamond treatment.

This diamond has been in the rough & as she buffs herself to shine; she hopes you do the same.  So we can all shine together.

For those that feel discomfort of my shine; it isn’t your decision to make.

Blessed be, beloveds.

[michellemuniz]

Hope in Korea

It was our first lunch in Seoul. We walked to a restaurant, headed to a room reserved for us, left our shoes at the door and sat down. Table was already filled with different plates with food. Right then, I started asking what I asked throughout the whole trip while pointing out at things: “what’s this?” and “what’s that?”. I certainly felt like an annoying little kid (I didn’t want to, though!), but I really wanted to learn what was on the table. Seeing my bowl with white rice always made me happy, since rice is a staple food at home, but most of the time in Korea I really wasn’t sure what was served in front of me. The saying “barriga llena, corazón contento” (“Filled tummy, happy heart”) that we constantly say in Puerto Rico was basically my thought after every meal. At the end of this trip, my heart was happy, and food was just one of the reasons why.

Last November, I was able to visit Korea as part of a Travel Study Seminar with the PCUSA Peacemaking Program. This was not your usual touristy trip, but an intentional opportunity to learn about issues present in the place you visit. The interjection between the country’s history and today’s conflicts is shared through local voices in church and/or partner organizations. After the trip, the invitation is to return home and share with your community what you’ve witnessed and learned. I had the opportunity to go to Colombia in 2015 and didn’t want to miss this as I knew it will challenge the participants to get a deeper perspective into the issues in Korea. This has been the furthest I’ve been from home. 

We had the opportunity to visit different places in Seoul, Jeju Island, the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in Cheorwon, Nogeun-Ri, among other. The irony between walking around very beautiful landscapes that were actually the scenario for massacres and cruel events was overwhelming. However, it was inspiring to witness so many powerful voices -in the midst of mourning and sorrow- advocating for peace in the Korean Peninsula. 

During my time in Korea, I was constantly reminded of cultural differences while realizing there are more similarities to home than I thought. In less deep but truly engaged activities, I also had some time for norebang.

Few weeks ago, I was asked if I could compare US presence in South Korea with their presence in Puerto Rico. I have to say I constantly found myself in conflict while listening about US Military influence and presence in South Korea, while also remembering over 60,000 Puerto Ricans fought in the Korean War. It felt like I was caught up in the middle of an issue and could identify with both parts.

It was hard visiting a place like Nogeun-ri, while listening to the sound of a small stream with a beautiful fall-colored scenery in the background, and reflect about the lives that were killed by the US Army during the Korean War. We walked through the 2-tunnel bridge as a survivor shared his story while showing bullet marks on the wall reminding all of us this historic event wasn’t that long ago. Next to the bridge, a Peace Park honoring the lives lost there and inviting people to learn, reflect in what this meant, and how it got public attention. A story that also shook me was one of a mother who was shot dead while nursing her baby. 

Back in Seoul, we learned more in depth about “comfort women”, who were sexually exploited by Japanese soldiers in Korea and other countries. Their stories were silenced for too long. Today, advocates not only lead an inspiring but challenging museum to tell these true stories, but also meet every single Wednesday for a demonstration in front of the Japanese Embassy in Seoul asking for their government to apologize. We were able to participate in one demonstration while we were there. They have been doing these Wednesdays demonstrations for 25 years. Every. Single. Wednesday.

(photo by Gregg Brekke, Presbyterian News Service) You can read more about our participation at the Wednesday demonstration, visit to DMZ and Nogeun-ri here.

We also spent few days in Jeju Island. This is a known location for celebrities to have their houses, but it holds a dark history of apprehension, tension and death. Learning about the 4.3 Uprising and Massacre, and all the events surrounding it in a period of years, was as sad and frustrating as it could be. History is there, and yet it still struggles to get acknowledged.

We visited the Gangyeong community, where a newly-constructed military base was built on their shore, for debatable reasons. While we went and learn about the advocacy work done there, we participated in a protest that took place at the gates of the base. It was unexpected to see the joy walking alongside tension. After walking and hosting a rally at the gates, we sang, danced (even those of us foreigners completely lost on the choreography but trying our best!), and celebrated as a community. 

Jeju island reminded me to the efforts in Vieques (municipality-island southeast of Puerto Rico) to remove the military base that served as a bombing-test field over 10 years ago. The conversation about independence, political views and the constant criminalization of advocates in Jeju seemed I was hearing about home and not about something happening across the world. During our visit, we met with resilient leaders about their experiences and struggles. I was inspired to see young leaders alongside experienced advocates involved in this.  

You can read more about our visit to Jeju here.

One Korea

Even thought it may sound like some kind of utopia on this side of the world, I was fortunate to hear the local perspective around the unification of the Koreas. Regardless of how far or near this may seem (now with US government having this conversation), there is a common hope for the Korean Peninsula to re-unite (which comes as a surprise to many who ask about my trip). It was interesting to hear how many Koreans felt about current US Government and how they are paying attention to the conversations of US with North Korea, at the same time they still fear because of how unpredictable decisions or logistics may be (I think I can relate to that too…). We constantly reflected in the near-yet-so-far desire for peace, especially as we sat down looking out to North Korean mountains from a hill near the DMZ area in Cheorwon, in South Korea.

This study seminar, brought a whole set of “firsts” for me. It was my first time ever in Asia, first time ever in a country where I didn’t speak the language fluently, and interestingly enough first time being an extremely small minority. I remember visiting a shopping mall with Shinhye and Hanbyeol, both PCUSA YAV Alumni’s, saying: “I think I’m the only Latina here”, and Hanbyeol responding: “You may be the only foreigner.”

The hope I witnessed -through the work of fearless leaders and advocates in their pursue for peace in the Korean Peninsula- was inspiring. I enjoyed learning about the connections between the Presbyterian Church (USA) and the local Church in Korea. It was amazing to see collaborations and partnerships all over, from church leaders all the way to grassroots organizations leaders. 

There were moments where I felt home (I could relate to Koreans so much), others where I was completely out of my comfort zone and felt completely naive about certain topics. There were moments were I was speechless and deeply heartbroken, alongside moments where I got to laugh, eat and dance with the community that was welcoming us. There was always an encouraging sense of community everywhere we went. Even though it may feel far away from true (for some), after listening to so many who are working for this, I do believe peace and reunification in Korea is possible. 

Additional links about our Travel Study Seminar Presbyterian Peacemaking 2018 Travel Study Seminar under way in Korea Korean Travel Study Seminar worships with Seoul congregations, visits partners [In Korean] Article about our participation at the Wednesday demonstration in Seoul

[poalakoala]

Puerto Rico from somebody on the ground, UPDATES

I've had many people in the US ask me how they can help, and I'll be honest that I haven't had the time to sit down and properly think about it (doesn't help that I have access to information on the internet for approx 15 minutes every day), but now I'm going to throw this out there. It's going to be long. Firstly, you need to understand the situation. Our infrastructure is destroyed. We have no power, in fact, the 4% of San Juan that managed to get electricity back lost it again. Last I read only 45% of the island had clean water services. This isn't just a lack of food and water. In case you hadn't heard, we're also approximately $72 billion in debt, and this hurricane is estimated to have cost over $30 billion in damages. You can send all the food and bottled water you want, and by all means please continue to do so because we are short on those, but there's also a huge distribution problem. Many supermarkets have not been able to open again because of structural damage. People are making lines for hours to be able to get into the few that are operational again. Gas stations? 80% were supposed to open again by Tuesday, September 26, yet people are still making literally 8+ hour lines (this is not an exaggeration) in the HOPES that they will be allowed to get some fuel. Many banks are only dispensing cash, which is vital because the vast majority of establishments can only accept cash at the moment, and the lines for the atms also can take hours. People have 5am to 7pm to be able to do all these things in one day because of curfew. Some hospitals are running out of diesel already, meaning that their back up generators are shutting down, so all those patients are being transferred to government hospitals that were already understaffed and understocked BEFORE Maria. To recap, in San Juan, where conditions are better, people are wholly dependent on cash to buy basic necessities, people have no power, in many cases no water, no communication with the outside world or the rest of Puerto Rico, no gasoline to get around, barely any places to get food, and entire hospitals are being evacuated. Literal boatloads of supplies are sitting in ports because the government can't distribute them, and some ships are just sitting there with their cargo. It's much worse outside of San Juan. Entire towns have no working gas stations, no hospitals, no running water, and no operational supermarkets (on top of no power or communication). Maria destroyed the vast majority of our crops. Many of these towns were also hit the hardest by the hurricane and saw thousands of families completely lose their homes. Now back to the distribution problem: you can send tons of food and articles of basic necessity, but if the government is having a hard time distributing them in the metropolitan area, it's literally downright impossible to get them to some of these towns. But what about the aid that has already been sent? Not enough. We need more resources, personnel, money, everything. Many of the rescue personnel and federal authorities already here came weeks ago because of Irma's devastation in other Caribbean islands and can't focus entirely on the disaster in Puerto Rico. Like I said earlier, distribution and mobilization is one of the key problems. I go around San Juan and don't see any of the people that came to help. Entire towns elsewhere in the island have not seen a single paramedic, soldier, or FEMA worker. The only places I've seen them are in the hotels they're staying at, so there's clearly a massive problem with mobilization. American politicians? I've seen some pay lip service to the plight of Puerto Rico, but not a single package or proposal. Local officials had to beg Congress to notice what was happening. President Trump was kind enough to give $1 million of his vast fortune to efforts in Houston (notice the sarcasm), yet he hasn't offered a single penny to efforts to rebuild Puerto Rico. He thought that criticizing NFL players exercising their right of free speech was more important.

OCTOBER 6TH UPDATE

I’ve been struggling with this update for a while because it’s almost been a week since the last and, well, a lot has both happened and not happened.

So Trump’s visit. It was what we were all expecting, despite the tiny flicker of hope that he would suddenly see the light and mobilize to help us. Trump held a press conference that didn’t allow any local reporters to ask questions, just the approved group that had travelled with him, because in true facist fashion Trump wanted to control the narrative and not face any hard hitting questions. He was taken to a wealthy area, where he visited one family and then was taken to a wealthy church for some basket paper towel games. He minimized our suffering and devastation by saying this wasn’t a disaster like Katrina (nevermind that the 3 Star General in the island has already compared the situation to Katrina and says this is worse than anything he has ever seen), praised the federal response, took a picture with a bunch of sell out local politicians, and then boarded his plane one hour before schedule to take off.

Trump came almost two weeks after Maria destroyed us. He was scheduled to be here for 5 hours and spent 4. Of those four hours, he spent 17 minutes talking to local officials about what we needed and the status of the situation. 17 minutes. He also just made fun of us in a press conference by imitating the Puerto Rican accent on camera and then outright laughing, but hey, he already told the island to go fuck itself and get over ourselves ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This piece explains how FEMA is already trying to bury updates about Puerto Rico and make people think they/Trump are doing a spectacular job

Moving on……

Things where I’m staying are getting better. My brother’s apartment has electricity again because he lives next to many hotels currently housing feds as well as the airport. The supermarket next door is open and has mostly non-perishable foods, lines to get in are about 1 to 1.5 hours. There’s also a few fast food joints open nearby. Overall, things are pretty good where I live, but at this point that means having water + electricity and access to some food. That’s what’s considered the good life right now in Puerto Rico, and it’s a luxury available to less than 10% of the island, two and a half weeks after the hurricane. Do NOT let the media fool you. Whatever pictures and videos you see of people going back to their normal lives is extremely misleading and likely taken in wealthy areas of San Juan. We’re still going through a humanitarian crisis, and millions are still in dire circumstances that have not changed since the hurricane hit.

The federal response continues to be underwhelming. They’ve been air dropping aid to cut off towns, but the pictures I’ve seen of this aid are often zip lock bags with one pack of cookies, one can of sausages, one Mots and a granola bar. These are the so called “care packages.”

I was watching a local news show and they interviewed the woman in charge of the reserves in the island (90% of which are Puerto Ricans that were already here btw). She outright admitted that the federal response has been slow and they’re not satisfied with what they’ve been doing, but that they’re working to do better. The show was Jay Fonseca’s October 5th 10pm program, in case anybody wants to hunt down the clip. I believe her, but I don’t have much faith in her superiors acting quickly.

Statistics time:

- That death toll of 16 people is utter garbage. The same day that Trump went on about our measly 16 people death toll, the official number was updated to 34. A few days after we finally got information from towns in the western side of the island and they reported at least 200 deaths just in that zone. Many hospitals are still processing their numbers, and people continue to bury loved ones in backyards.

- About 90% of the island is still without power, those with electricity are for the most part in the wealthier pockets of the metropolitan area. Even those areas still suffer from power outages that can last up to days at a time.

- About half the island still without water.

- Most of the hospitals are running, but many depend on generators that run on diesel and we still have a diesel crisis. Some are barely functional, as in doctors are performing surgeries with iPhone flashlights. 

- The big international airport is running 24 hours now and there’s less hysteria, but people are being told to get there four hours early and many still get their flights cancelled at the last minute. Some airlines are capping their prices at low prices under $100, but I don’t think that’s going to last for much longer. Cruise ships have started charging again to get people out.

- As of October 3rd FEMA had yet to authorize full disaster help, which Texas got 10 days after Harvey

Fundraisers to donate to:

ComPRometidos - In my opinion the best big fundraiser to donate to, they’re doing a lot of work to also rebuild infrastructure and help long term recovery

Jane Stern Dorado Community - Helps a local library in Dorado that is also acting as a relief center, this fund is run by a friend of mine I trust immensely.

CMU Student’s Humanitarian Mission - Also run by somebody I know and trust, she’s using connections to charter a private jet that takes supplies to the island and brings back elderly/people in need of hospital care to the states.

General Reminders:

- Please, PLEASE call your Congresspeople, ask for the Jones Act to be removed, ask for debt relief so that we don’t have to prioritize paying back Wall Street, FOR GOD’S SAKE SEND MORE HELP TO REBUILD OUR INFRASTRUCTURE ASAP

- Petition to remove Jones Act 

[jbarnes101]

Shadowfiend

What’s up guys and welcome back to another blog post by yours truly once again but today I have some unfortunate news. As of today this’ll be my last blog of my semester, I know I know it’s really shocking and upsetting to you all I get that and in all honesty I’m pretty sad myself that this is my final blog post because I really enjoyed connecting, sharing my thoughts, and gaining feedback from you guys, you guys are amazing and thank you for sticking by my side til the end. But anyways this blog is really gonna bring your spirits up as this one is my number one favorite and this is really different from the rest of the blogs I’ve done in the past because today I’m going to be creating my very own superhero. That’s right guys, I’m going to be creating my own superhero for the very first time in my life and this is going to be exciting for me because when I was little I used to pretend I had super powers and of course I was in a superhero film after watching so many X-Men films and shows, literally the X-Men franchise was hands down my favorite superhero films growing up and to this day I still support the new X-Men films even though a few of them were a flop but I still show my support. Hopefully one of these days someone or a friend of mine could make my hero come to life through artwork, that would literally be awesome.

Now that I have all of your divided attention, let’s take a look at your next future hero in development. We’re gonna take a bit of a look into the life of Cayden Garcia, a Filipino-Puerto Rican mix also goes by the name known as Shadowfiend. His name may sound villainous to some people but trust me he has a good heart with a bit of a rebellious side to him. Cayden is mostly affiliated with the X-Men but his life before discovering his mutant ability was much more different before leaving past life behind. Growing up in the suburbs of New York wasn’t always easy for our middle class 18 year old teenager as he navigates through life in High School and life at home but that’ll all start to change soon. Moving towards the life at home, Cayden was the son of Dion and Vannessa Garcia, with his father being an entrepreneur and owning his own business and for his mother being a nurse at their local hospital. Cayden also has a 13 year old little sister named Angelina and they get along somewhat well but Angelina always gets most of the good attention and she gets to do whatever she wants. As for Cayden he never really got that type of attention even when he was little, his parents always pushed him to pursue what they wanted for him and it was never what he wanted in life. His parents would also teach him on how to behave a certain way around others even if it means to keep him out of trouble and they’re also super religious as well. Cayden would also have quite the imagination when he was younger as he’d always wished he had a brother, mostly a twin. He decided to make up an imaginary twin brother so whenever he felt lonely, he would play along with his imaginary brother. When it comes to life outside home, Cayden had a part time job at a boutique store in their town. Cayden didn’t really have any friends at least not anymore. When he was little he had only one friend named Darwin and they would always spend time with each other from Elementary School to the beginning years of High School. They were really close but as they got older, Darwin started to distance himself away from Cayden and hang around with his new group of friends after rumors we’re spreading accusing Cayden and Darwin for being a couple and since then, Cayden chose to be a loner but how can a good looking guy like Cayden stay all alone? Of course for every High School story there’s always gotta be a school bully and that bully is the school’s jock Ivan. Ivan would always harass Cayden for being so weird, teasing him about his sexuality, and for not having any friends. The harassment would go even as far to physically beating up Cayden and insulting him for being a homosexual even though nobody knows. The school, his peers, and not even his own parents would step in to help him as much. Cayden would also soon start to realize and come to terms about his sexuality because of how often he’d feel some type of way around other guys that he finds attractive and start developing secret crushes but little did anybody know was that one time Cayden had his first kiss and it was with a boy from his school and Cayden enjoyed every minute of it. One night as Cayden got off from work he decided to walk home and as he was walking he ran into Ivan and his friends. Cayden would try to avoid them but Ivan and his group would soon catch Cayden walking all alone so they decided to walk towards him but that signals Cayden to start running. Ivan and his group would start pursuing after Cayden and they managed to catch up to him. Ivan would soon tell Cayden that he knew his secret about the boy he kissed because the boy ended up being Ivan’s cousin and the whole kiss was a setup. Ivan and his group would soon start yelling out homophobic slurs towards Cayden and they would start to beat him while he lied on the ground helpless. Next thing you know, a shadowy figure appears behind Ivan that would soon throw him along with his friends to the ground. Ivan and his friends cower in fear as they all saw the shadowy figure standing before them which made them all back up and run away. The shadowy figure would soon turn his attention towards a shocked Cayden and would resume to walk towards him but Cayden would slowly back away. The shadowy figure meant no harm to Cayden as it would offer a hand to help him up. Cayden would notice something familiar about the figure's appearance as the shadow would have the same curly black hair and the same athletic body type as Cayden but the shadow looked more like a dark shadowy figure with white soulless eyes more than an actual human. Cayden would soon realize that the shadowy figure was himself. He couldn’t believe that his own shadow would come to life but it seems as though his shadow would be much more like a twin he had hoped for but the only problem is that the shadow couldn’t speak. Cayden would secretly start to bond with his shadow and one thing he learned is that the shadow was more of a rebel than himself. The shadow and Cayden spent so much time together that Cayden never bothered to show up to school after the whole incident with Ivan which sparked Dion and Vanessa’s suspicion after they found out Cayden hadn't been in class and him sneaking out. One night as Cayden decided to sneak out again, Dion and Vanessa caught him and demanded an explanation for his behavior lately. Cayden tried to make up a small little lie but they could see right through him and started interrogating him and demanded the actual truth. Cayden wanted to tell them about his ability but he knew how they’d react so he decided to do the unthinkable in order to protect his secret. Cayden inadvertently came out to his parents that he was gay and told them he going to see a boy. Both the parents were shocked but not in a good way as Dion was furious and that he never raised his son to be that way but as for Vanessa, she cried and said how disgusted she was towards her son. Cayden grew even more furious and started an all out argument with his parents but with one wrong word, Dion ended up slapping Cayden which made someone even more furious. The shadow appears and starts to choke out Dion but Cayden manages to calm the shadow down and tells him to let his father go. Cayden’s parents stood in fear of what appeared in front of them and that was when Cayden decided to tell them about his power and the shadow. Dion and Vanessa were even more appalled by their son and accused him with dealing with the devil’s work and the shadow was possessing him. Cayden would deny his parents but they didn’t wanna listen as they threatened to exorcise the shadow out of him. As Dion and Vanessa left without saying another word, Cayden made the decision to pack all his things he needed and run away from his life and from his family along with his shadow. A distraught Cayden never wanted to look back.

Cayden may look like he was on his own but the only person or thing that stood by his side was his own shadow. For being on the run, that gave Cayden and his shadow the perfect opportunity to bond and learn a little more about his ability. As they jumped from train to train, our 2 runaways ended up in another town called Chester and eventually upon arrival, Cayden started to feel hungry. Cayden spotted the town’s local diner and felt so much relief after smelling the delicious food after walking in. He was eventually seated and he couldn’t take his eyes off the food from the menu but he decided to order a simple meal in order to satisfy his cravings. The wait wasn’t really long judging by there weren’t that many people in the diner and once the waitress delivers the food, Cayden started to chow down like there was no tomorrow. Nothing was left on Cayden’s plate and he started to feel full but once the check came back to him, he soon realized he didn’t have enough money and once the waitress found out she had no choice but to alert her manager and call the police. Cayden starts to panic and proceeds to run out of the diner. While running away as quickly as possible, Cayden would happen to run into a man in a wheelchair but he doesn’t pay any mind to him and just proceeds to run. While coming to a stop, Cayden would rest in a peaceful forest within the town. After a few minutes of rest, Cayden would eventually hear a noise coming close by which made him stay on high alert but he would soon come to realize that it was the man in the wheelchair who followed him. The man wished no harm on poor Cayden and would take notice that he’s been through a rough patch. The man would introduce himself as Charles Xavier and that he was the headmaster for Xavier’s School for gifted Children also known as The X-Mansion. Xavier would go on to tell that Cayden was born with a gift, a genetic trait called the X-gene. Cayden couldn’t process what was happening or how Xavier found out about his abilities but Charles would explain that he has been watching Cayden for some time with the power of Cerebro, a machine that detected mutants all over the world. Xavier has been searching for Cayden and he wanted him to come join his school but Cayden felt a little reluctant on why Xavier would help him. Xavier would go on to tell him that he has abilities as well and he would show him that he could communicate with Cayden in his head notifying that Xavier is a telepath and he would also go on to tell him that there are other students at his school who are just like Cayden with different abilities looking for an education and also learning on how to control their abilities. Cayden would agree to travel with Xavier back to the school and once they get there, Xavier promised Cayden a clean shower, a room, fresh clothes, and food as well. When they arrived at the school, Cayden couldn’t believe the amount of kids his age younger and older were just like him but of course he had to be cautious on what he was about to walk into. While given the grand tour Xavier introduces another mutant by the name of Jean Grey who was also a telepath and she manages to have a talk with Cayden encouraging him to stay and explaining on what to expect at the school, some mutants would have the opportunity to go on missions, and what they would do to help him understand and control his ability. Cayden for once felt like he belonged somewhere and made the final decision to stay at The X-Mansion. Through time while Cayden was given the education he was promised, he manages to get better with his classes while also training up on his abilities as well. Cayden even started to learn sign language after it was given to him as a recommendation in order for him and his shadow to communicate better. Cayden even realized after so much learning he has the power of dark manipulation as well as teleportation and he would soon come up with his very own codename called Shadowfiend. Through time, Cayden even got the help from Charles Xavier to design his own X-Uniform. The uniform would consist of a full body sleeveless suit with the colors of red and black on it along with black leather gloves with of course an X on the front part of the suit plus a personal touch by Cayden a black leather jacket to go along with it to wear over the suit and black boots. After training up on his abilities, Cayden was finally invited to go along on his first mission with another group of mutant youngsters called The New Mutants. Cayden couldn’t believe after all the hard work he’s put into the X-Mansion really paid off and now his next new move is to help protect others and even help other mutants that are out in the open world struggling to make it through life just like he did. Cayden also wanted to set an example and send a message by explaining “no matter who you are or what you are, there will be a place where people won’t accept you but if you keep moving forward and work hard, there will be a place where people are just like you and you’ll feel more loved and welcomed”. If something were to ever happen to Cayden/Shadowfiend, he knows he would’ve left behind a legacy of proving that anybody could be accepted anywhere no matter what you look like or who you chose to be in life. Always choose the right path and don’t let anyone dictate your life on who you want to be.

Well guys what do you think? I know it looks pretty long but that’s just the fun of it on what creative ideas came up in my mind and plus I wanted to send you guys off on a long blog post anyway just so you guys don’t feel upset as much since this is the last time you guys will ever hear from me. For Cayden I wanted to create a superhero that looks like me so that way I didn’t have to think on appearance as much and as for his ethnicity and sexuality, I felt as if there wasn’t much on Filipino superheroes or even LGBTQ+ superheroes as well so why not create another character to fit into that sort of category but also Cayden’s life would be much more different from mine. I also made the decision on making Cayden’s powers which is inspired by one of my favorite Mortal Kombat characters, Noob Saibot. Well guys that’s the end of the road for me again thank you guys so much for sticking with me on this short blog journey. Hopefully this’ll inspire others like you guys to write something creative as well like I did. On a final note, stay safe and stay creative. Love you guys so much. Thank you and goodnight!

[elmerpoetry]

Unedited truth

As a sophomore lighting Design concentration within the Stage Design and technology program I was consistently challenged to produce theatrical designs of quality. Likewise, I was consistently challenged (as I sat in a room of nine students) to keep my composure about being singularly brown. More than the socio-economic disconnect in life experiences.More than the lack of cultural connection which lead to a deficiency in intimate relationships and passionate friendships being conceived.More than the passive ignorance or willful choice to acknowledge these obvious dividers, what bothered me was that it never got better. Stagnant. It was what it was and everyone else was perfectly content being oblivious that there were reasons I chose never to speak to anyone in class unless being spoken to first. I didn’t know how to speak to them. I didn’t know how to speak with them. Among them. As one of them, because I never felt safe.

I had tried to spark conversation on my end at times, but the topics seemed to bounce off an invisible wall of, “Well that’s nice” motifs.In my heart, I truly don’t believe it was an active choice to be dismissive of these efforts by my classmates because they’re good people, however this is what I do know- everything in my life is black. From soft Dominican Curls to rhythms of speech, through hip-hop dancing feet and engrained in every bite of Puerto Rican food that I learned to make watching Abuela my Afro-Latino-ness knows no subversion.

The more I initially attempted to put myself out there the more I ran into the molasses like stillness that was the various eye glazing, “oh cool...”   “Well that’s nice” which truly meant, “well I can’t relate but I’m not going to tell you I have no idea why what you’re talking about matters at all because I grew up in another universe than you and haven’t cared to go outside my comfortable cultural bubble of privilege to become a well rounded adult and I expect you to have to explain and educate me on every nuance of whatever it is you’re so excited about right now while I make no effort to contribute to this now unfortunate one sided exchange and even when you take the time to explain I’ll just go back to speaking to anyone else about what we already can comfortably interact about since- ya know- its a lot of effort otherwise to have to get to know you as a person outside of our class structure and what I see of you on social media which I have already used to form my probably ill informed preconceived notions about you and that’s enough for me”.

I felt bad. I felt isolated for being born as myself. I felt like I made my classmates uncomfortable because they couldn’t speak on topics that make me everything that I am.Music, Food, First world problems, Fashion, pop culture, film, life anecdotes, how we grew up. Nothing. People bond over their collective struggles and passions. Between my classmates and I there were no common denominators to our truths other than our mutual craft- it wasn’t enough.I didn’t know what to say anymore, so I shut up.

My silence was not limited to my voice but extended to the insecurities I had fought all freshman year to overcome when initially shell shocked by this same mechanism of ignorance campus wide. I was again hyper aware of my black fashion, my black music bumpin out my black headphones, my black sense of humor, even the flavor of my stride as I walked was under my careful surveillance as to not stand out and make the white people uncomfortable. When colored people make white people uncomfortable bad things happen to colored people. No one tells you this formula, your inherit it as learned instinct growing up colored in America. Whether it’s another black kid getting shot or it’s someone in the workplace using their power dynamic against you because they feel threatened by your capabilities and you happen to be conveniently not white so they can use the power of subtle racial stigmas against you when the opportunity presents itself this formula is fact. It’s articulation in my college experience is my truth in this story.

9am walk in, exchange mundane socially ritualistic greetings. Listen to and voice some collegiate bullshit banter about whatever it is that’s making us “so tired” and “so overwhelmed” that morning because what is Emerson if not a money and soul sucking vacuum of privilege and what is a Design Tech student without the urge to complain for complaining’s sake - shut up. Listen for 15 min to these same classmates exchange excitedly with the other white kids who just walked in about everything and anything they’ve all been doing on their personal time with vibrant comfort and companionship. Sit quiet in class- Grab my bag and literally dip out the room as fast as possible the second we were dismissed. Irish goodfreakinbye. French mofreaking Exit. Repeat every other day for maximum effects of systemic/infrastructural oppression caused by a lack of diversity at your collegiate institution that no one seems to wants to effectively deal with.

After two and a half months of this cycle we were to produce and present our “Cue to Music” projects. Pick a song and in the Lighting Design Lab design, program and execute a full light show to the song on the mannequin Fred and you have the option to bring someone in instead of Fred which hasn’t been done at all till this point because why do more work. Cool, bet- sounds fun. Except Fred is white. As a lighting designer how am I supposed to be the best I can be if I have never studied how to design on darker skin tones at the professional level. It is literally a handicap on my $65,000 a year training to not have to design on dark skin as a requirement. Our acting program has less than 30 people of color in it and casts less than half of that on any show I MIGHT be working on if at all so the odds of getting to design on a colored person in anything other than a student show is radically low.

Every class became a mission I had to mentally prepare myself for. By the time we got around to this project it was the end of the semester and reached the limit of what my mind and emotions we telling me was healthy about this situation. I had to speak.  I asked the only other Brown lighting designer in the major, then a freshman I had befriended (at first over the fact that we were not white then because we actually share values and interests) to be my mannequin.

The black body is a political body and I intended to use it as such. The song I chose was “How Great” by Chance the Rapper. Being a disciple of hip-hop culture I wanted to use it as a form of resistance from the negativity that had corrupted my self worth. I wanted something to celebrate so I turned to my faith in God and in my culture. I wanted to celebrate life and being alive via the glorification of my beliefs and applying my craft on a body that looked like my body. I felt a need to reclaim my identity from this space that had put me in a position where for so long I felt the need to suppress it. I had to speak.

Presentation day came and again I repeated my ritual of likable small talk before class and sat through some presentations as I got more and more anxious about mine. I had presented two very political projects earlier in the semester one design where I used my own poetry with Biggie Smalls lyrics from “Suicidal Thoughts” to tell a narrative of a black male character who grew up fatherless then had a wayward life that led to suicide and lit Fred to that. Another where I used Kendrick Lamar’s sampled interview with Tu-Pac at the end of “Mortal Man” to speak about the race issues in contemporary America via my design. But this time it was personal in a different way. It was about me.

I’m up - I went to the light board. As I loaded up my show cue file I started trembling. Luckily it was dark as I set my cue sheet and my friend took his place where Fred once stood so no one could tell...but I could tell.  

How great is our God, sing with me How great is our God, and all will see How great, how great is our God

Exalted- my body mechanically started keeping time with the music- eyes glued to my cue sheet- head tilting to see the cues popping off as the washed faded across my friends beautiful dark skin and Chance preached his truth and for those few minutes its was our truth- My Truth-the Truth. The room warped with the light of my afro-soul and the skill of my craft. The music of my people echoed against the walls and my classmates were presented with what at face value seemed like just another Elmer project. I was presented with my own voice and it embraced me like a friend long absent. My hand trembled like a would be lover confessing his infatuation after months of build up and self doubt. I was naked in a room of acquittances who didn’t know me “like that” -ears hot and adrenaline pumping.

This was my act of revolution. I felt unapologetic for the first time in this space. No longer sorry for being myself and no longer worried about someone else feeling uncomfortable about not understanding.

There is more context to these relationships and occurrences than I have the time to explain in this article. But if you take anything away from this let it be the following: This was one class in my second year of school...imagine living at this school...imagine the first year...imagine the other classes...imagine the stories I could tell-ask others of the stories they could tell.I do not feel resentment or ill will toward the students or professor of my class for being products of a system that puts them in a position where they are made complicit in the societal crimes of a greater structure outside of their immediate control. I respect, greatly admire and generally get along just fine on a surface level with the majority of my non POC classmates if not all and with each of my passionate professors. I do however hold anyone who should know better than to actively not be aware of their position of power and privilege within this system fully accountable for choosing to remain ignorant to their part in this. I hold anyone accountable who is not ignorant to their position and chooses to not participate in actively making an effort to make it better or does the bare minimum.   

I’m currently a junior. When I was accepted into my dream school I cried for hours. As I reflect on that night I view it as a precursor to the amount of tears I would shed especially in my first two years here caused by  infrastructural racial and psychological aggressions as well as ignorance on a day by day person to person basis. Wake up.

[newstfionline]

Stranded by Maria, Puerto Ricans Get Creative to Survive

By Caitlin Dickerson, NY Times, Oct. 16, 2017

CHARCO ABAJO, Utuado, P.R.--When Hurricane Maria swept away the bridge that led in and out of Charco Abajo, a remote village in the mountainous inland of Puerto Rico, Carlos Ocasio and Pablo Perez Medina decided that they could not wait for help to arrive.

When the wind and rain calmed, the welder and the retired handyman climbed off the edge of the bridge and jumped down onto a pile of debris. They crossed the Vivi River, whose waters had risen to their chests, and walked several miles to a hardware store, where they bought a cable, a metal harness and wheels.

They built a pulley that now spans the gap where the bridge once was, and attached a shopping cart, after removing its legs and wheels, which they have been using to transfer food, water and supplies across the divide. Though aid groups began to arrive a week later, the two men, both 60 years old, raised a sign to describe how it felt in Charco Abajo immediately after the storm. It reads “Campamento de los Olvidados,” Spanish for “Camp of the Forgotten.”

Nearly a month after Maria devastated this island commonwealth, life remains a struggle. Even as some assistance has arrived, residents have learned to improvise without power or running water, especially those who live in remote areas, who waited the longest for help from emergency responders and for whom recovery is the farthest off.

The winding roads that once paved a lush, tree-lined route from San Juan, the capital, to Utuado now appear post-apocalyptic. Leafless, branchless trees, denuded by Maria’s winds, are tangled around one another and spill out into the highway. Rock formations, once covered with vegetation, have been stripped bare. Permanently windblown palm trees look like half-shaven heads. And houses that were once tucked neatly into the hills are now roofless, irreparably damaged wrecks sliding down the sides of them.

All that remains of the many wooden, one-room houses that once dotted the hills here are tall and narrow three-sided concrete structures that were built to protect bathroom plumbing, and which are now surrounded by piles of rubble.

Examples of the creativity of people living in the mountains are on display across the countryside. All day and night, people who live in the mountains cluster along roadways to bathe and do laundry in places where locals have redirected water from higher up that spews out of PVC pipes. They fill empty bottles and buckets, which they use to clean their homes and flush toilets.

But for some, the situation is more fragile than it is for others.

More than 100 bridges in Puerto Rico were damaged by Maria and 18 have been closed indefinitely, according to Ivonne Rosario, a spokeswoman for Puerto Rico’s transportation department. An unknown number collapsed during the storm, leaving entire communities like Charco Abajo stranded.

Down a series of dirt roads that are still covered with mangled trees, fallen power lines and fiber-optic cables, Charco Abajo is home to about 120 people, mostly adults who are retired or unemployed, and a few children.

At 47, Lilia Rivera hobbles at the pace of someone decades older. She speaks in a whisper because her vocal cords are partly paralyzed. And she is hypersensitive to allergens--the slightest whiff of smoke, chemicals or perfume can cause her throat to close.

Her remote location and health problems, caused by exposure to pesticides, have made her doubly vulnerable to Hurricane Maria’s destruction.

“At the beginning, I was asked if I wanted to leave,” she said, sitting with her cane resting in her lap in her light-filled living room on a rural hillside in the Utuado municipality. “But wherever I go, the environment needs to be controlled. That doesn’t exist in a shelter.”

Despite having been trapped in their homes for three weeks and subsisting on dwindling reserves of bottled water and ready-to-eat military meals, some residents are surprisingly at ease. On the day they were visited by a reporter, they were quick to point out that other Puerto Ricans were living in worse circumstances, though it was hard to imagine whom they could have been talking about.

Marilyn Luciano, who has taken on the unofficial role of village secretary, went door-to-door to check on her neighbors. She chatted casually about her son who lives in Florida and was recently married. Ms. Luciano said that the laid-back spirit of people who live in the mountains of Puerto Rico is what is helping them weather the storm. “This is what we do,” she said. “It’s who we are.”

Even Ms. Rivera and her family were hesitant to complain. She, her husband, three children and one grandchild all live together and were born and raised in Utuado.

Her husband, Leonardo Medina, a retired distribution worker in the pharmaceutical industry, was busy chopping fallen trees outside their home when they were visited by a reporter. After the family lost power, he connected Ms. Rivera’s oxygen tank to a car battery, which is now powering it through an inverter.

Mr. Medina said that if his wife’s health were to begin to deteriorate, he knew that his neighbors would not hesitate to help him carry her across the river. Ms. Rivera chimed in. “We Puerto Ricans are fighters and hard workers,” she said. “My life depends on it.”

[liuglobal]

Limón

by Sara Crouch

One of the main elements of LIU Global that sets it apart from other universities is the opportunity for students to travel and interact with the cultures and educational principles they’re learning about. As students, we are able to visit the very places we are studying - to go into the actual environment of our subjects, whether it be a city, a jungle, a farm, a university or a village. We go where the issues are - where the solutions are being made - and learn from our experiences while there. This is the experiential learning aspect of LIU Global that makes it completely separate from other universities in the world.

           Recently, the Class of 2021 underwent our very first experiential learning excursion to the province of Limon. While in Limon, all of our activities were focused on learning about the history, culture, and environment of Limon. Though we had a few interesting lectures from guest speakers about the topics of Creole language, women’s roles, environmental policy, the culture of Limón and local park maintenance, the majority of our time was spent out in Limón, learning about this province by experiencing it. Instead of reading about the Port of Limón, the most important in the nation of Costa Rica, in a textbook, we took a tour of the city and learned its history. To learn the perspective of local people of Limón, we talked to a local Limonese, including a local Puerto Viejo restaurant owner who happened to be a former Congressman from Costa Rica.

 In fact, Edwin Patterson, the local restaurant owner, left quite an impression on many students. As For example, Nina Khorey, a freshman of the Class of 2021 from Pennsylvania, says, “my favorite speaker was the restaurant owner because I didn’t feel like it was a lecture - it just felt like him giving us some pretty cool advice about life…And I think also that’s what the value of going with an organized program is - that they can introduce you to people like him, the local restaurant owner, that you wouldn’t have maybe known about on your own.” Patterson isn’t the only contact of LIU Global that we wouldn’t have known about – Finca Tierra, an agro-ecological farm near Puerto Viejo, is another example of the advantage of studying with Global. We went to this farm, which was not a small feat as we had to walk up a very large hill in the mud of the rainy jungle, and heard the story of its creation and current projects from its owners.  

Our class learned about the environment of Limón and its white sand beach of Cahuita by going to Cahuita National Park and listening to a local park ranger there. We learned about the diversity of animal life in Costa Rica by going to the local Jaguar Research Center and hearing from its experts. Our discussion of indigenous issues in Limon and Costa Rica, in general, took place within the Kelondi Indigenous Reserve in which we listened to the stories of this groups’ leaders and toured their iguana reintroduction and repopulation program. Perhaps you notice a theme within these activities – with LIU Global experiential learning, we learn by going to the environments of our subjects and learn from our experiences there. With Global, it’s about going to the root of a topic to study it.

           For our Class of 2021, the Limon trip was crucial to our study of Limonese culture and environment. As Alona Anerson, a freshman from Portland, Oregon, says, “the Limon trip was a great manifestation of experiential learning and that this really pushed our knowledge further than in relation to the classroom. My favorite example of this is when we actively went into the indigenous community and just listened to them talk about how they live.” Experiential learning trips with Global are not only about lectures and tours, however, but also interaction. One of the favorite activities of our Limon trip was the opportunity to work with Rhythm Nation and learn Calypso, African, and Dance Hall dance. This dance class, in the words of Kendall Shanks, a current freshman class representative, “provided a nice break from the lectures, and learning the history and cultural significance of the music and dance made the experience that much more interesting.” These types of performances and interactions with the surrounding culture are a fundamental part of these experiential trips.

           Not everything about these trips is serious, however. During our time in Limon, we also created many stories and a lot of laughter. One of my favorite memories from this trip was when we were touring the beautiful Cahuita National Park and we saw the cutest trio of raccoons and their mother. As the mother was scavenging for food for her babies across our trail, Marcello, the Global Studies professor of our Environmental portion of the class, stuck out his fingers to her. Mama Raccoon didn’t really like this and actually ended up almost biting Marcello’s fingers off, resulting in a fabulous photo of a very angry mommy raccoon. Raccoons were not the only critters we saw in Limon though. In fact, before we even reached the Port of Limon, we spotted two sloths in the trees next to the road. We then pulled off to the side of the road to gawk and take pictures of these sloths. The awed and joyous photos of students were hilarious as they saw these sloths as meanwhile other Costa Ricans drove by us, shaking their head at the crazy Americans. I do have to say though that my best memory from Limon was the end of the Rhythm Nation dance workshops. Once all of our dancing was done, each of the dancers from this organization came around and hugged each and every one of us students. This moment is one that will stay in my heart forever because it showed the bond we created with Rhythm Nation during our dance class, as well as our bond with Limon. It was a beautiful moment that I do believe will stay in our memories forever. Another lasting memory will be our experience with Hurricane Nate which, during our stay in Limon, hit all of Costa Rica except Limon. As we watched the rest of the country experience flash floods and alligators in the streets, we saw no rain and had to stay an extra night in Limon due to far away from closed highways.

           Each student had a very unique experience while in Limon, with individual experiences and memories. Kendall Shanks felt that “the Limon trip was truly one of the most incredible, experiential activities I've ever done. Hearing how the same issues of land rights, environmental protection, and sustainability were handled from multiple levels and perspectives was an integral part of the learning experience…I learned about topics I never would have been introduced to otherwise: sustainable permaculture, iguana farming, and development of Creole languages.” Hannah Weinz, another member of the Class of 2021, says that she “really enjoyed the field trip to Limon because I felt it was educational both in and outside of the classroom. I learned about the unique perspective of the Afro-Limonese descendants in the rest of Costa Rica and the Costa Rican government. I also learned about everything that was taken away from the indigenous people of Limon and how they chose to contribute to the land by reintroducing the iguana population. I felt bad about all the injustices the indigenous and Afro-descendants had to face but found it inspiring how they persevered.” Another anonymous student says that she “had an amazing time in Limon. I thought that everywhere we went was so beautiful, so colorful, and had such a Caribbean feel. It was really great to read about the history of Limon and the UFC and then actually see the buildings and places that held those events. I learned a lot about the history of Limon, the present issues of Limon, and the stigma that the rest of Costa Rica has of Limon.”

Personally, I felt that the Limon trip reaffirmed my belief in this program as the right place for me. The ability to actually interact with the material I was learning about in the classroom, about the United Fruit Company and Limonese culture and environmental systems, by going to their original places broadened my understanding of these topics and better connected me to their real-world value. The activities that impacted me the most were those that involved interaction with local peoples and thus connected me further to the environment. These experiences included the Kelondi indigenous community, our dance class with Rhythm Nation, our visits to Cahuita National Park and Finca Tierra.

           As you can see, different experiences stuck with each student, but each one of us felt that our trip to Limon advanced our learning and was an amazing opportunity. I predict that this will continue to be our outlook on all of our experiential trips with LIU Global. Experience and interaction will continue to advance our studies and cultural understanding - which is the very purpose of the experiential learning aspect of LIU Global’s curriculum.

[kktravelblog]

puerto rico: july 2018

Only a few short months later, I was able to take yet another last minute trip. At the time, I had been nannying for about two months and had already become part of the family. This family and experience deserves its own blog entry though, especially as I write this five months later, so more on that another time. But rewinding back in time… throughout the summer, the family loved to take spontaneous, last minute trips out of Hoboken, giving me random days off throughout. And as you know, this is where I thrive. With 4th of July already being a long weekend, the next family spontaneous trip gave me enough time to take a trip of my own. 

So on Monday, June 25, I received confirmation from Rachel (mom) that the family would be heading out of town at the end of the week. By end of that Monday, I had a flight booked to San Juan, Puerto Rico, set to leave Friday morning and return on the 4th of July, the following Wednesday. Puerto Rico had never been at the top of my list for no reason other than it wasn’t, but there were a few reasons I chose it. I started by using the site SkyScanner.com. If you don’t know what it is, it’s this really cool tool that you can set dates of travel and set the destination to “everywhere” and the site will automatically generate the costs of flights from low to high by country with city breakdowns. It makes it very easy to narrow down last minute plans to realistic locations. There were a lot of cool options on the cheaper side, but Puerto Rico ultimately won because I had been lazy and never got my passport renewed… meaning I couldn’t leave the United States because the expiration date was within the six month bracket. Don’t worry, it has since been renewed (wait until you see the new picture. it’s questionable for sure.) Nonetheless, I was definitely excited that a trip worked out, and this would be my first time in the Caribbean. 

Puerto Rico is a Caribbean Island and unincorporated U.S. territory with a landscape of mountains, waterfalls, forests, and beaches. Now writing this months later, it definitely has its own culture and vibe that separates it from the mainland of the US, while still having bits of United States reminders, like CVS and other chains. Pre-trip, I was very interested to see the damage of Hurricane Maria. It’s so easy to forget these natural disasters that completely rip apart homes and countries once the news stops covering. And now, I have even more of an emotional tie to this destruction, but more on that in a later blog. Suspenseful, right?

And like I mentioned in the England blog, I was trying to travel alone more. This was another step closer to my goal. I took out ol’ blue (my pack), packed her tightly and headed for a six day adventure with no plans besides the first night hostel. It’s funny, I had zero nerves about this trip. I was instead extremely excited and had high hopes. Puerto Rico did not disappoint. 

After landing and figuring out the flawed, highly inflated taxi service (I was pre-warned), I arrived at my hostel, just outside of the tourist hotel strip, only to be immediately asked if I would be okay with being in their upcoming hostel ad. You can watch it here. That’s me in the beginning, acting natural, putting down my pack. It’s because I didn’t know I was being filmed. I messed up the part where they asked me to actually act. If you know me, you know that as soon as there is a camera, I become more awkward than I already am. It didn’t make the cut in the film. But hey, this short acting gig got me an upgraded room to one with what Puerto Rico calls air conditioning. 

From the drive in, I didn’t register any hurricane destruction, but was quickly informed that it was because I was in the touristy section, where the relief teams rebuilt first due to money. I also will naively state that I didn’t expect much more. To me, it looked like a lot of the other South and Central American cities I’ve been to. However, the air conditioning was just one small example of the little effects that still remained. Even with some extra sweating, the hostel ended up being well-worth it. It was known on HostelWorld as the perfect hostel for single travelers as they do communal, family style dinners every night and include free breakfast. Basically a way to easily come together and make friends. It also had so many random balcony and seating options that you were always bound to find someone to talk to. Within the first ten minutes, I had met a new friend Joey, who was living there and working for FEMA, and we were off to the food trucks for some much needed Puerto Rican lunch. This is the beauty of hostel life. You become instant friends because the fact you’re traveling already connects you. 

After lunch, Joey headed out to work, so I somehow found myself back to the hostel after a few wrong turns and made new friends with this guy who had been traveling for years, Milan. He was the guy filming the ad. We ventured to Walmart (definitely an experience and madhouse all the same) and then back to the hostel so I could figure out the next day and meet up with Joey, where we would later head out for my first Puerto Rican night on the town. Joey basically knew everyone at the local bars, and all the great spots, so it was definitely cool to see a large city from someone who knew it and was well acquainted.

Before I knew it and a whirlwind of new friendships, I was in an off-the-market uber for a cheaper rate with three new people, heading to a ferry to go to Culebra, a smaller island off the coast. I got on the ferry and immediately fell asleep, only to wake up finding Joey staring at me, with two new friends an Australian named Heather and a Swiss guy that I cannot remember his name right now. We arrived to the island, made our way to the hostel to find out that there were 4 beds, but 5 of us. The American woman who managed the hostel was incredibly kind and did what most hostels won’t do and let two of us share a bed for half the price. 

The first night on Culebra, we wandered around, drinking and hanging out with locals we met. The main reason I had wanted to go to Culebra was because of the diving. So I used this opportunity to ask anyone and everyone about diving on the island. I was quickly informed that the only dive shop’s dog recently died and the shop was closed for the week for mourning. Totally understood. No further explanation needed. I had given up and we set our plans for the next morning to head to Flamenco Beach, formally known as the prettiest beach in the world. It was definitely pretty, but unfortunately, I think Hurricane Maria played a pretty large impact on it. Don’t worry Flamenco, you’ll bounce back! And although it lost some of its beauty, it made up for it in pizza empanadas. My mouth is watering writing this.

It wasn’t until we returned later that night and stopped by the local convenience store, I made one last ditch effort to ask the man who works there about diving and he told me about Taz, a man notoriously known for spearfishing underwater. Taz kept his boat in the water right outside the convenience store, so the man told me he would keep an eye out and to check back in. It took about a day, but finally the man (never got his name) tracked down Taz’s number and before I knew it, my other friends were heading back to the mainland and I was staying an additional day to dive. 

The dive experience was absolutely worth it. Taz and his wife were a perfect example of following your gut and living your life the way you want. Taz initially left the states to join another dive company and later open his own on the island. Meanwhile, his wife became his wife after she went on vacation to Culebra years ago, met Taz and never left. That wasn’t the only cool story to come from this dive though. This experience was also incredibly strange, and again, shows just how weird traveling can be because there was a family of six on the boat with me and turns out that two of them live in Hoboken, only two blocks away from me. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing I never sent them the GoPro videos, and weirdly enough, have never passed them on the street. These type of run-ins never makes sense to me.

The dive itself was also really cool. The notorious spearfishing underwater story was every bit true. Every time I looked over at Taz swimming, wiggling along with his gun, board shorts, and tattooed arms, I couldn’t help but giggle and immediately fill up my mask. Once we finished, I was also incredibly proud of myself. The Galapagos definitely set me a few steps back on my fear of water, but I got in, with no hesitation and had an amazing dive. 

That night, I set back out to return to San Juan on the ferry. This is where I met one of the most unique people in the world. Mom and Dad, I apologize for this story in advance. But I made it out alive. As I mentioned on the way to ferry, we took an off-the-market uber that was driven by a local Puerto Rican girl. She spoke perfect English, followed traffic laws and gave an amazingly cheaper rate. Unfortunately, she was busy that night so she sent me contact information for her friend. After a few broken english and eccentric texts, I knew I was in for a treat. About forty minutes late, I stood on the side of the road in the pouring rain and eventually was found by a large, friendly man blasting the top 100 hits. The drive home was one of the most eventful drives of my life. This guy completely disregarded all traffic laws and signs. In his defense, post-hurricane, none of the traffic lights worked anyway, but he was also creating new lanes, all while giggling, dancing, and singing along to Pitbull, Rihanna and more. I was honestly having the time of my life and trying not worry about getting into an accident. It wasn’t until we were on the highway, speeding, that he went to pull out a cigarette and I kid you not, he completely stopped the car on a main highway to light the cigarette. This would happen a few more times and I was watching the map like a hawk, counting the minutes to safety. Looking back, I never really was scared. I was actually dancing and singing along with him the majority of the time because it was our only real form of communication. But it was definitely an experience I hope to never relive. 

I went back to the same hostel, only to be greeted by my old friends as well as some new friends. We hung out, ate dinner, traded stories. It reminded me how good it felt to be back traveling. At this point, I had one full day left, which I would use to walk to Old San Juan and explore on my own. Old San Juan is a barrio of San Juan and the oldest settlement within Puerto Rico. It also the home of the cruise ship port, drawing in an awesome people watching crowd. I spent the morning moseying around, eating, holding a massive lizard (not really sure why) and then headed back to meet new friends on the beach on the tourist hotel strip in San Juan. This is where having a baby face came through. We snuck into a hotel and when one of the workers stopped me and asked where I was going, I immediately smiled and said “oh my parents are right behind me!” And then spent the rest of the day, laying on a lounge chair and swimming in an infinity pool at a $200+ a night hotel to later return to my $15 a night, free breakfast/dinner, no air conditioning hostel. You tell me who won that day. 

Before I knew it, it was my last night. Again, we all hung out at the hostel, while others went out for the night. I decided to stay back because I wanted to wake up early and head to the beach to have two last hours of Puerto Rican sun. I bargained with the lady renting chairs to let me pay a discounted fee for two hours and it was well worth the $2.50. I later made my journey back to the airport, landing in New Jersey just in time to meet up with my friends and celebrate the 4th of July the true American way… watching the same fireworks I’ve seen for the last 20+ years. 

Before I go though, I do feel the need to reflect on the damage post hurricane. As I mentioned, the area I spent most of my time in was the touristy section of San Juan, receiving the most care at the fastest speed. However, there were still signs of destruction there. Especially within the smaller boutique hotels that were most likely independently owned and did not have the monetary backing some of the bigger chains did, like the Marriott. Because I wasn’t heading into the inner part of the island, I used my time there to ask locals about the hurricane and their personal experiences. I was quick to add in just how naive I was on the matter and that I understood the United States news coverage probably didn’t do it as much justice as it deserved. It was astonishing to hear how many people were still without homes or power, while some only recently gained it back after months of being in the dark. Imagine that. It’s really hard to even fathom what these people went through and are going through. As mentioned earlier, since this trip, I have an emotional tie to disaster relief as I volunteered with an organization called All Hands and Hearts Smart Response this past Thanksgiving. I originally found out about this organization because Brianna had previously volunteered on the Puerto Rico base and recommended I look into it. I am so happy I did. If you’re interested in learning more, volunteering, or donating, please visit allhandsandhearts.org. I will share more on this experience in a later blog. 

[michaelfallcon]

In New York City, Waypoint Cafe Is A Gamer’s Paradise

In New York City, you shouldn’t be surprised by any kind of business that exists here. Don’t blink an eye at whatever sort of cafe hybrid you may stumble upon, whether it’s a nail salon that serves lattes or a surf shop that brews single origins exclusively. However, when video games and coffee collide, it may be worth taking a closer look—like at Waypoint, the city’s first eSports specialty cafe.

Electronic sports, otherwise known as eSports, have been around longer than most people realize. While their popularity has climbed exponentially in the last decade, the act of competitive virtual gaming started as early as 1972, when Stanford University hosted tournament rounds of the game Spacewar. In the ‘90s, the rise of the internet paved the way for battle-oriented PC games like League of Legends and the iconic Massively-Multiplayer Online game World of Warcraft. They gave users across the world a chance to connect and compete, with companies like Nintendo and Blockbuster sponsoring tournaments with lavish prizes like Ferraris and huge cash jackpots. The creation of World Cyber Games and the Electronic Sports World Cup in the 2000s set the tone for serious gaming, and the establishment of Major League Gaming in 2002 made them one of the biggest gaming leagues in history. Today, eSports arenas exist all over the world in addition to countless LAN centers (gamer talk for eSports play centers), and prize money easily dips into the millions.

Your typical, somewhat sterile experience at a LAN center includes a too-comfortable computer desk chair, two massive computer monitors, and library-carrel-style dividers between gamers. With plain walls, neon lighting, and over-ear headphones, no distractions come between you and the game. Even food can be limited to heated automatic vending machines, when you have a quick few seconds in between battle rounds to inhale some Top Ramen before returning to your station. How fun does this sound to you?

For those looking to game with better breaktime options, and even those simply in need of a good coffee, NYC’s Waypoint Cafe upgrades the LAN center experience significantly. Their solid, front-facing coffee bar not only improves the quality of the gaming experience, it also offers a gathering place for the gaming community and beyond.

Luigino Gigante behind the bar at Waypoint

Waypoint opened just this past fall on the Lower East Side, a business built by former game and hardware reviewer Luigino Gigante. While Gigante comes from a heavy gaming background, he also grew up in a family of restaurant owners. Gigante’s coffee interests came out of a mixed, caffeinated family upbringing, along with a preference for cold brew over Red Bull during finals weeks in college.

“I’m Italian and Puerto Rican, so I come from two very different schools of thought [about] coffee,” Gigante explains. “On my father’s side, it’s just straight espresso, and my mother’s side is very light, sweet, different pour-over types of coffee,” he says.

After noticing how unsuccessful LAN centers around him were, Gigante opened Waypoint, drawing inspiration from Uncommons Cafe, a similar nook in Greenwich Village that combines coffee with board games. Waypoint’s location is also intentional.

“A lot of people don’t know this but the Lower East Side has a lot of history in gaming, actually,” Gigante says, noting its proximity to Chinatown Fair, which was for a long time one of the oldest remaining traditional arcades on the East Coast. Chinatown Fair was “not like a Dave and Buster’s style of arcade,” Gigante insists. (Though it has since closed and reopened, with an unfortunately less traditional flavor.) 

The Lower East Side was already a place where a lot of PC, fighting, and arcade games were already played. Waypoint seeks to pay homage to the neighborhood, as well as become a community space for gamers again.

And while some multi-purpose businesses tend to focus on one feature over another, Waypoint is committed to both the art of gaming and specialty coffee. Serving Black Cat espresso from Intelligentsia on a La Marzocco Linea Classic and controlled drip brews from BUNN, plus cold brew from local roasters Death Wish, the cafe takes its coffee game seriously and its décor playfully. A plethora of plushies and action figures rest on the shelves of pastries and in between bags of coffee, and drink specials incorporate video game themes with them, i.e. the “star seeker sour” and “mur-lox” bagel.

Gamers can also expect to get a snack that surpasses your average heated vending machine. The full cafe menu includes salads and hearty chicken and mozzarella sandwiches, while pastries are a mix of goods made in-house and from Amy’s Bread.

The LAN center itself, however, maintains the average complexion of dividers and massive monitors. While the front serves as a social space, take a few steps back to the dungeon of computers, where users can access their own gaming accounts via ggLeap. The fun begins with classic, reputable games like League of Legends, DOTA (Gigante’s personal favorite), Minecraft, and World of Warcraft. Waypoint also hosts events and tourneys to truly test your skills. And don’t worry, just because this is a cafe doesn’t mean you’re getting kicked out by 7:00pm. Waypoint stays open till 10:00pm during the week and 2:00am on the weekends, which means even non-gamers can get a late-night caffeine fix.

In a crowd of freelance workers, gamers, and coffee enthusiasts, Waypoint has truly brought together an odd yet fun mix of people.

“There were a few kind of gaming communities that were flung out and spread and now they’re all starting to come here. It’s fun meeting new people,” Gigante says—even if it’s IRL.

Waypoint Cafe is located at 65 Ludlow St, New York. Visit their official website and follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Katrina Yentch is a Sprudge contributor based in New York City. Read more Katrina Yentch on Sprudge.

The post In New York City, Waypoint Cafe Is A Gamer’s Paradise appeared first on Sprudge.

In New York City, Waypoint Cafe Is A Gamer’s Paradise published first on https://medium.com/@LinLinCoffee

[mrwilliamcharley]

In New York City, Waypoint Cafe Is A Gamer’s Paradise

In New York City, you shouldn’t be surprised by any kind of business that exists here. Don’t blink an eye at whatever sort of cafe hybrid you may stumble upon, whether it’s a nail salon that serves lattes or a surf shop that brews single origins exclusively. However, when video games and coffee collide, it may be worth taking a closer look—like at Waypoint, the city’s first eSports specialty cafe.

Electronic sports, otherwise known as eSports, have been around longer than most people realize. While their popularity has climbed exponentially in the last decade, the act of competitive virtual gaming started as early as 1972, when Stanford University hosted tournament rounds of the game Spacewar. In the ‘90s, the rise of the internet paved the way for battle-oriented PC games like League of Legends and the iconic Massively-Multiplayer Online game World of Warcraft. They gave users across the world a chance to connect and compete, with companies like Nintendo and Blockbuster sponsoring tournaments with lavish prizes like Ferraris and huge cash jackpots. The creation of World Cyber Games and the Electronic Sports World Cup in the 2000s set the tone for serious gaming, and the establishment of Major League Gaming in 2002 made them one of the biggest gaming leagues in history. Today, eSports arenas exist all over the world in addition to countless LAN centers (gamer talk for eSports play centers), and prize money easily dips into the millions.

Your typical, somewhat sterile experience at a LAN center includes a too-comfortable computer desk chair, two massive computer monitors, and library-carrel-style dividers between gamers. With plain walls, neon lighting, and over-ear headphones, no distractions come between you and the game. Even food can be limited to heated automatic vending machines, when you have a quick few seconds in between battle rounds to inhale some Top Ramen before returning to your station. How fun does this sound to you?

For those looking to game with better breaktime options, and even those simply in need of a good coffee, NYC’s Waypoint Cafe upgrades the LAN center experience significantly. Their solid, front-facing coffee bar not only improves the quality of the gaming experience, it also offers a gathering place for the gaming community and beyond.

Luigino Gigante behind the bar at Waypoint

Waypoint opened just this past fall on the Lower East Side, a business built by former game and hardware reviewer Luigino Gigante. While Gigante comes from a heavy gaming background, he also grew up in a family of restaurant owners. Gigante’s coffee interests came out of a mixed, caffeinated family upbringing, along with a preference for cold brew over Red Bull during finals weeks in college.

“I’m Italian and Puerto Rican, so I come from two very different schools of thought [about] coffee,” Gigante explains. “On my father’s side, it’s just straight espresso, and my mother’s side is very light, sweet, different pour-over types of coffee,” he says.

After noticing how unsuccessful LAN centers around him were, Gigante opened Waypoint, drawing inspiration from Uncommons Cafe, a similar nook in Greenwich Village that combines coffee with board games. Waypoint’s location is also intentional.

“A lot of people don’t know this but the Lower East Side has a lot of history in gaming, actually,” Gigante says, noting its proximity to Chinatown Fair, which was for a long time one of the oldest remaining traditional arcades on the East Coast. Chinatown Fair was “not like a Dave and Buster’s style of arcade,” Gigante insists. (Though it has since closed and reopened, with an unfortunately less traditional flavor.) 

The Lower East Side was already a place where a lot of PC, fighting, and arcade games were already played. Waypoint seeks to pay homage to the neighborhood, as well as become a community space for gamers again.

And while some multi-purpose businesses tend to focus on one feature over another, Waypoint is committed to both the art of gaming and specialty coffee. Serving Black Cat espresso from Intelligentsia on a La Marzocco Linea Classic and controlled drip brews from BUNN, plus cold brew from local roasters Death Wish, the cafe takes its coffee game seriously and its décor playfully. A plethora of plushies and action figures rest on the shelves of pastries and in between bags of coffee, and drink specials incorporate video game themes with them, i.e. the “star seeker sour” and “mur-lox” bagel.

Gamers can also expect to get a snack that surpasses your average heated vending machine. The full cafe menu includes salads and hearty chicken and mozzarella sandwiches, while pastries are a mix of goods made in-house and from Amy’s Bread.

The LAN center itself, however, maintains the average complexion of dividers and massive monitors. While the front serves as a social space, take a few steps back to the dungeon of computers, where users can access their own gaming accounts via ggLeap. The fun begins with classic, reputable games like League of Legends, DOTA (Gigante’s personal favorite), Minecraft, and World of Warcraft. Waypoint also hosts events and tourneys to truly test your skills. And don’t worry, just because this is a cafe doesn’t mean you’re getting kicked out by 7:00pm. Waypoint stays open till 10:00pm during the week and 2:00am on the weekends, which means even non-gamers can get a late-night caffeine fix.

In a crowd of freelance workers, gamers, and coffee enthusiasts, Waypoint has truly brought together an odd yet fun mix of people.

“There were a few kind of gaming communities that were flung out and spread and now they’re all starting to come here. It’s fun meeting new people,” Gigante says—even if it’s IRL.

Waypoint Cafe is located at 65 Ludlow St, New York. Visit their official website and follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Katrina Yentch is a Sprudge contributor based in New York City. Read more Katrina Yentch on Sprudge.

The post In New York City, Waypoint Cafe Is A Gamer’s Paradise appeared first on Sprudge.

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[fashiontrendin-blog]

How being half-Japanese shaped my understanding of beauty

http://fashion-trendin.com/how-being-half-japanese-shaped-my-understanding-of-beauty/

How being half-Japanese shaped my understanding of beauty

Most people don’t assume that I’m Japanese. After all, with my medium-olive complexion, large, round eyes, and naturally wavy hair — all traits that I inherited from my mother, who is Puerto Rican — I recognize that I’m not exactly what people picture when they think of someone who is of partial East Asian descent, and I know this because I’ve been told so approximately a thousand times. My last name (which means “star river” in Japanese) is sometimes a giveaway. But it’s still a surprise to people nearly every time I tell them my ethnicity.

Growing up, I struggled with feeling “pretty” compared to my white friends. I was often teased about my thick, dark eyebrows (which I inherited from my Japanese side), and one middle school boy even drew a mean caricature of me with eyebrows bushier than shrubs at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. I hated how I didn’t look like anyone else at my school, and for a long time, thought that I would never feel beautiful. I didn’t even really resemble my own twin sister, who — with her pale complexion and almond-shaped eyes — more closely takes after our father.

One of my earliest memories of fully immersing myself in my culture was during an early trip to Tokyo, where I wore a kimono in honor of Shichi-Go-San, which translates to “Seven-Five-Three,” a traditional rite of passage and festival day in Japan for three- and seven-year-old girls. (For boys, it’s celebrated at ages three and five.) It was the first time I can remember getting my makeup done, wearing beautiful Kanzashi in my hair, and enduring the hours-long process of having someone dress me in an ornate kimono. I didn’t appreciate the experience then — we spent hours taking photos at a local temple, and all I can remember is feeling hot and constricted in my tight obi sash and wanting nothing more than to shed all the layers of clothing.

However, looking at the photos now makes me think about how maybe I didn’t feel like that culture was mine to be dressed up in — the red lips, the done-up hair, the geta sandals that were impossible to walk in — and how it felt to celebrate a holiday that I literally hadn’t known about until earlier on that trip. I think a part of me didn’t feel connected to or somehow “Japanese” enough to celebrate it.

A couple of years passed, and at around age 10, I began spending every summer at my grandmother’s house in Japan. She lives in a quiet suburban town just outside of Tokyo, one with plenty of boutiques and department stores. It was in these stores — many of them located inside expansive train stations — that I discovered Japanese beauty firsthand, and how it differed from the products I’d grown used to shopping for in American drugstores. During those summer trips, I got used to seeing sheet masks (usually available in economical packs of 10-20) at every grocery store and pharmacy, and watched my obaachan apply layers of cleansing milk, toner, essence, and lotion, never thinking that multistep skin-care regimens would one day rule beauty blogs and Reddit message threads for years to come.

The Ultimate Sheet Mask Guide

My mom didn’t allow me to wear makeup until I was in high school, so, naturally, I made sure to take advantage of indulging in shimmery lip gloss, bouncy blushes, and pastel eye shadow quads — including one Hello Kitty-shaped palette in various blue tones — while I was traveling by myself. While my friends back home were rimming their eyes with too much eyeliner and coating lashes in black mascara, Japanese girls my age were all about bright, frosty eye shadow and a soft, “juicy” lip color (think sheer washes of coral and rosy pink). It was a beauty-culture shock in the best way imaginable. I started to see how beauty and makeup diverged with culture — if American teens in the ’00s were proving their rebellious nature via dark, panda eyes à la Ashlee Simpson and Avril Lavigne, then my Japanese friends were nearly the polar opposite, using makeup to look as feminine and doll-like as possible. At the time, I think my beauty M.O. was somewhere in the middle; heavy makeup was definitely not my style, but neither were frosty shades of pink.

As I approached my 20s, I discovered that as amazing as Tokyo’s beauty scene was, it was still pretty exclusionary in many ways; I knew from a young age that I looked like a foreigner in Japan, but shopping for complexion cosmetics made that even clearer. Most beauty stores I’d frequent — aside from luxury department stores like Isetan and Mitsukoshi, which catered to a more global customer — offered as few as two shades (maybe four, max) of BB creams or foundation, with the darkest option consistently far too pale for my medium skin.

In an image of me with a red backdrop, I’m wearing a kimono I received as a gift from my great-aunt when I turned 20. Unlike the photos from when I was seven, I enjoyed every minute of this shoot. I watched with interest as an older Japanese woman layered me in sheer cotton robes, followed by my bespoke peach silk creation and green obi. I did my own makeup and took a barely-there approach because I wanted to feel like me in the photos. A similar directive went for my hairstyle, which was made modern by two faux peonies in place of Kanzashi — what I was told was an emerging trend among young Japanese women — and wispy, face-framing pieces that didn’t fight my natural texture.

What I’ve learned not only as I’ve gotten older is that just because I’m half-Asian doesn’t mean I half-belong to my culture, or can’t feel as “Japanese” as anyone else from there. I’ve discovered that cultural identity is so much more than what you look like — it’s the food you eat, the language you speak, and the family members that make a house on the opposite side of the globe feel just like home. Even for all the teasing and self-doubt, I’m proud of my biracial heritage, and can say with confidence that I’m happy to have inherited my bold Japanese brows and my mom’s olive complexion. I’m 100% me and wouldn’t have it any other way.