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starlitangels · 2 years ago

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Withdrawals

I had some thoughts. I had to write them down 2.7k words

CW: discussion and dealing with drug-like withdrawals, discussion of addiction

—

Squinting against how bright the simple lamp now was in the darkness—Vincent said I’d get used to it—I tiptoed down the stairs.

Vincent was sitting in the living room, in the armchair we never really used considering we couldn’t cuddle very well on it. He was curled up—those long, slim, but toned limbs all folded in toward the center—with his eyes closed. There was a peaceful expression on his face, but I knew him. It was the forced peace of “I’m trying to meditate but don’t actually know what I’m doing.”

“Vin?” I asked quietly.

He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. “Hey baby,” he said, voice soft. “I thought you were gonna sleep for another couple hours.”

I shrugged. “The bed got really cold without you.” I went over to him and perched on the arm of the chair. Vincent immediately wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me down until I fell onto his lap. “What are you doing?”

“What did it look like I was doing?”

“Attempting to meditate or something.”

He smiled, his teeth sparkly in the lamplight. Then his expression fell. “I wish it was that easy,” he mumbled.

“What is it?”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing, lovely. You just barely turned a week ago. This isn’t one more thing you need to be burdened with.”

I cupped his chin in my hand. “Vincent Solaire,” I warned, keeping my voice down. “What’s wrong?”

He smiled bitterly. “You always see right through me,” he whispered.

“Baby, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on? Just because I’m going through a rough time with turning doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to struggle too. Talk to me. Please? You’re worrying me.”

He took a deep breath and released a shuddering sigh, his breath cool against my skin. “I, uh…” He closed his eyes. The tips of his ears were bright red. “I think I’m experiencing withdrawals.”

“From… from what?”

He closed his eyes and turned his face away from me. “Your blood.”

“Oh Vin…” I breathed.

“I didn’t think I was actually addicted to it but…” He growled in frustration. “I guess I was wrong.”

“Are you sure?”

He swallowed, Adam’s Apple bobbing, and nodded. “I’ve been nauseated and my muscles and fangs ache—and I woke up shaking. Just enough to be noticeable. Didn’t want to wake you so I came down here.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “And that was after barely getting any sleep to begin with this past week. I haven’t had insomnia this bad since I was human. We only need a fraction of the sleep that we used to but I haven’t been getting even that bare minimum.”

I shuffled so I could put my arms around him and draw his head to my chest. He thumped his forehead against my collarbones without hesitation. “Tell me how to help you, baby,” I whispered.

He shook his head. “You can’t. Lovely, you just turned. You need to be focusing on your own adjusting.”

“Vincent,” I warned, scratching my fingernails across his scalp and winding his curls around my fingers. “That’s not how this works. We help each other, remember? Spending eternity by each other’s sides means we support and help. Just because you’re trying to be a good Maker and help me through this change doesn’t mean you’re having an easy time of it. This is just proof of it.”

“Baby, I’ll handle this myself,” Vincent said softly.

“No, you won’t.” I suppressed a growl. “Withdrawals are a serious thing. It’s not something you can handle on your own. You need your support system. I don’t care that I just turned and I’m not having the easiest time of it. I’m going to help you and you’re going to let me.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay.”

“Come on. Let’s get you back in bed.” I reached over and turned the lamp off before climbing off Vincent’s lap and pulling him to his feet by both hands. He unfolded from the chair reluctantly but let me take him back upstairs to bed.

I tucked him into bed before climbing in on my side and gathering him to my chest. Carefully, I played with his—enviously soft—hair until I felt his breathing finally ease out and heard his heartbeat slow down dramatically. Finally falling back to sleep. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. I promise. We’ll get through it together. All of it. Like we always have,” I whispered. I kissed the top of his head.

Automatically, and without waking up, he made a kissy noise.

—

Ring-ring... Ring-ring... Ring-ri—

“Hello, my dear. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” William’s voice asked.

I sucked in a deep breath. “Does the Department have any resources for vampires with blood addictions?”

“Blood addictions? What do you mean?”

“Remember what Vincent told you about my blood? That it is—was—addictive because of how much magic was concentrated in it? That when he fed from me, it felt like a need. Like his body needed it?”

“I recall, yes.”

“Does the Department have resources for addictions like that?”

William was silent on the other end of the call for several long seconds.

I swallowed. Had the call disconnected? I glanced at the screen. The time elapsed on the call was still ticking upwards.

“Is he going through withdrawals?” William’s voice was so quiet that without vampire hearing I would never have heard it, but it was directed at me.

“Yes,” I replied, almost as quietly.

I heard William sigh. “In all my centuries, I never saw a latent affect vampires the way you did to him. I’m afraid my knowledge is quite limited in this matter. I’m so sorry, my dear.”

“That’s okay. The Department website’s just a nightmare to navigate so I figured I’d call and ask.”

“I wish I could be of more help. If there is anything else I can do, please do not hesitate to reach out.”

“Thanks William.”

“Will is fine. You are family now.”

I couldn’t help but grin—even if it was a little melancholy. “Thanks Will.”

“Of course.”

“Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

We hung up.

I sighed in mild frustration and set my phone down before I could crush it. The screen was already severely cracked from the Inversion and Vincent hadn’t had a chance to go get it replaced yet. And I didn’t want to end up needing an entirely new phone. Although I knew Vincent would love spoiling me if I did.

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I paced the living room. Vincent was out for the night, checking in on some of William’s properties. Sam had offered to do it for him, considering how many times Vincent had stepped in to watch Sam’s progenies when they were newly-turned whenever he needed a break or to watch the park or had to go heal someone or—

Wait a second.

I snatched my phone up and unlocked it again, scrolling through my contacts quickly until I found who I was looking for and clicking Call.

Ring-ring... Ring-ring... Ri—

“Hello?”

“Hi Sam. It’s me.”

“What’s up? Everythin’ alright?”

I sucked in a deep breath. “You used to work as a healer, right?”

“Yep.” He said the word slowly, sounding suspicious. “Why?”

“Have you ever heard of a vampire having a blood addiction?”

There was a long silence. “Kid, you know we drink blood to survive, right? It’s not an addiction.”

I growled. “That’s not what I meant. I mean...” I sucked in a sharp breath. “Like an addiction to the magic in an empowered person’s blood. So much so that they experience withdrawals.”

Another long silence. “Why? What’s goin’ on?”

“It’s not my place to say.”

“What’s goin’ on with Vincent?” Sam rumbled.

“What makes you think anything’s going on with Vincent?”

“Because you’re his partner and you don’t sound worried for yourself. If you were, then it would be your place to say. Now what’s goin’ on?”

“It’s not my place.”

Sam swore under his breath several times. “So help me, kid. Vincent is a brother to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I huffed a sigh out through clenched teeth. “He drained me, remember? You were there. Remember that I was latent? Remember that my blood was potent? Full of magic that my Core was drawing in but unable to vent into an aura for years—remember that? I don’t need to go into the details about our more intimate encounters, but he fed on me plenty enough times even before I turned. He woke up shaking yesterday. And today. William doesn’t know of any resources to help him. I was hoping you might have because you worked as a healer.”

Sam swore again—but he didn’t sound angry at me this time. He sounded... scared? Maybe not quite. Worried? “If he fed on you often enough but not too often he wouldn’t even realize he was developin’ a dependency and gettin’ a fix... dammit,” he whispered. “Drainin’ you to turn you... he was exhausted from givin’ you his own blood... but if he hadn’t... he’d-a been buzzed outta his mind.” He sighed. “I’ve never heard of a blood addiction. Vampires don’t make their way into healin’ clinics often. Their own healin’ factor usually meant they didn’t need to. Let me ask some old friends-a mine. See if I can dredge up anythin’.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

“Sure. I’ll let you know when I find anythin’.” He hung up.

I took a deep breath and set my phone back down. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna figure something out,” I promised myself.

—

I woke with a small jolt at the same time that Vincent did. Peering over my shoulder, I watched as he sat up in bed and curled up himself. I rolled over to face him properly and pushed myself up to sit next to him. His breathing was shaky and he was trembling.

“Hey,” I greeted softly, wrapping my arms around him. His sucked in a sharp breath through clenched teeth. “Do we wanna reach out to the Department offices to see if there’s someone you can talk to?”

“Wh-what?”

“Counseling helps withdrawals. Sam and I have been looking into resources to help you. For drugs, detoxing helps too but I doubt that’s really gonna work here.”

“I think I just have to ride it out.”

“You don’t actually think I’m going to accept that option, do you? Cold turkey? Which is probably the hardest way to go through it, even with support? What kind of partner do you think I am?”

“Lovely...” He lifted his head from where it had been resting on his knees and looked at me, his silver eyes glittering in the darkness. “Wait. Did you say Sam?”

“He used to be a healer. I asked if he knew of any resources for vampires dealing with magic-in-the-blood addiction withdrawals and he kinda put it together.”

“Of course he did.”

“Vincent, we want to help you. We love you. And, frankly, you need the support right now. You can’t just ride this out on your own. We won’t let you. Me, Sam, William—we’d all be damned if we didn’t at least try.”

“Oh God,” Vincent groaned. “Does Will know too?”

“I asked him if he knew whether the Department has resources too. The website is a nightmare.”

Vincent closed his eyes and sighed. “I appreciate that you’re trying so hard. But you need to be focusing on your own struggles—and your training to adjust to your new body and abilities.”

I clenched my jaw. “Dammit, Vin!” I snapped. “Don’t you understand that being in a relationship means that, yeah, my problems are also yours—but your problems are mine too? I know you’ve been doing everything since—since Adam—to take care of me and help me through things. But we’re both dealing with this for you. We’re not experiencing it the same way. But it’s affecting you so it’s affecting me. I love you and I’m going to help you. I don’t want to know what might happen to you if you don’t learn to manage this. Or... or find a way to move past this.”

“Baby... I know. But what you’re going through is a lot worse—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Solaire,” I warned. “There is no scaling to struggling here. The Inversion sucked. The turning has been hard. The bloodlust kinda sucks too. But that doesn’t diminish what you are going through, do you understand me?”

Vincent looked surprised at the tone in my voice, eyebrows lifting and mouth parting.

Instead of saying something, he surged over the bed and threw his arms around me, burying his face in my chest. I held onto him tight, scratching the back of his scalp with my nails and rocking him.

He was still shaking, but this time it was from the quiet crying. Or, if it was still from the withdrawals, the crying added to it.

“Thank you, baby,” he whispered.

I kissed the top of his head. His glossy black curls were so soft. “That’s what we do for each other, Vincent. You’ve taken care of me for so long now. And you’re gonna have to keep doing it through this bloodlust. The least I can do is find ways to help you through your own struggle.”

“It’s really not the least. It’s a lot.”

“Not for me. Not if it’s you.” I twirled one of his curls around my finger and closed my eyes, inhaling the scent of him. It was so much more prominent and distinct now that I was a vampire.

He let out a shuddering sigh. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Vincent. So much.”

We stayed like that on our bed until the sun went down—and my phone started ringing. I let him go just barely long enough to twist and snatch it off the bedside table before holding onto him.

“Hey Sam, what’s up?” I asked.

“My partner knew about some resources the Department has that might help. Should I send the links to you, Vincent, or both?”

“Both.”

“Alright. Gimme a sec.” There was a pause. Then a chuckle. “Yes, darlin’, I know how to send links via text while still on a call. I’m not actually a fossil,” he said to someone the microphone on his phone hadn’t picked up.

Vincent smiled against my chest and snickered.

Sam’s voice got closer to his microphone. “A’right. I sent those over. Should show up any second,” he continued.

At that moment, my phone buzzed in my hand, and Vincent’s went off—full sound—on his bedside. He reached out and grabbed it while I put Sam on speaker and looked at the text that came through.

A series of links to the Department’s website, and several others.

“Thank you, Sam,” I said. “Thank you so much.”

“Thank my partner,” Sam said. “They’re the one that knew.”

“Thank you, Sam’s partner,” I replied louder into my phone so they could hear it.

“No problem,” a voice farther from the mic remarked. “I hope it helps. Vincent means a lot to Sam.”

Vincent’s arms tightened around me. He was smiling softly. Almost melancholy.

“We appreciate it. Thank you both.”

“Uh-huh. You have a good night, now,” Sam said.

“You too.”

“Bye.” He hung up.

I set my phone down and ran my fingers through Vincent’s curls. “Hey. We’re gonna get you help. We’re gonna get through this—all of this—together. Like we always do. Okay?”

He lifted his head from my chest to smile at me. “Together,” he promised.

I leaned down and gave him a kiss. He accepted and reciprocated enthusiastically.

When I pulled away, head spinning a little, I clicked on the first link Sam had sent us. The one for the Department’s website. There was a number for vampires to call after the usual closing times that would put them in touch with vampire Department employees.

My thumb hovered over the hyperlink of the number. If I tapped it, it would ask if I wanted to call the number.

I smiled down at Vincent. “Ready?”

He nodded. “Please.”

I twisted one of his curls around my finger and thumb of my free hand. “Let’s get you some help,” I whispered.

I tapped the link.

—

Tag list: @thegoldenlittlerose @zozo-01 @gingerbreadmonsters (you seemed very interested on the WIP Wednesday so I hope you don’t mind)

#Redacted ASMR #fic #Redacted Vincent #Redacted Lovely #Redacted Audio #Vincent Solaire #Lovely #Starlit Fic #Rrraaaeee! Floof! I'm writing for y'all's mmmaaannn!#i have a family member who is a drug addiction therapist #special shoutout to them for why I know some of this stuff #darlin' knew about resources because i like to think they tried to help Quinn before everything went to hell #featuring #Sam #Darlin'#(briefly)

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