#floch is just the best man for mikasa

[magicxc]

Sizes

Pairings: Survey Corps - their dick sizes

Word Count: 857

Warnings: none

A/N: this is so self indulgent, it aint even funny lol. Please enjoy what I think the bois are packing.

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren - 9.5 inches

Phew I mean, this doesn’t take too much explaining…at least for me. Eren legit had the gall to wipe out 80% of the population so I can only imagine that he has the balls to match. It’s safe to say our boy is all bark and bite cause he’s absolutely backing up whatever the fuck he says. Needless to say, you need to be PREPPED before penetration.

Levi - 6.5

As my personal favorite of the bunch, daddy Levi is absolutely still working with sumn, okay!!! Let's not count our short king out the race. Matter of fact, I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that Levi is giving you THEE best seggs. As fun as size kinks are, let's be real, it hurts before it pleases. And 6.5 is like the perfect length to comfortably kiss your cervix. That stamina? His insomnia? The low, sultriness of his voice? Yeahh, you can kiss a good night's rest goodbye and your pussy will absolutely thank you for it. It’s been said that Levi is one of the best in terms of ODM use because of how quick he is while maneuvering the gear and the way it’s used is by the wearers shifting a lot of their weight to their pelvis for movement. Once again YOUR PUSSY WILL THANK YOU! 

Erwin - 7.5

Though the Commander stands tall above his peers, he has some muscle mass to him and therefore I consider him a girthy fellow. Keep in mind this is the same man who stared down Reiner in his armor titan form, all the while being short one arm. It's been said that the horses that the scouts ride are bred specifically to outrun titans but what they leave out is that Erwins horse is bred specifically to carry balls as heavy as his. Lmfaoo this man is BRAVE, just daring a mf to try some shit. And he absolutely carries that trait into the bedroom as well. 

Connie - 7.5

Connie has always given me goofball vibes. That “huh” ass mf was sorta the comedic relief to the show and it’s like omg you brought dick too?? Funny men be getting me ngl jksjsks. It’s been said that Connie views the Scouts training almost like a summer camp and while he made the top ten his competitive edge doesn’t really set in until he sees someone doing better than him lol. I genuinely don’t think dick size matters to him all that much so when he becomes sexually active and gets so much praise, it’s like ohh wow - new kink unlocked.

Jean - 10 inches

I'm willing to physically debate this lmao. This is probably the only thing he’ll beat Eren in, but I whole heartedly believe that Jean is packing a SCHLONG. He’s always stood above his peers throughout the show and as he ages, it’s more prominent. Tall and skinny men are literally always packing and those pencils wanna write in every book. Mans would absolutely put Mikasa through a mattress if given the chance.

Onyankopon - 8.5 inches

Even though Ony doesn’t get a whole lotta screen time, I can safely assume his length here. This is the same man who fucking DARED Floch to kill him AFTER witnessing him kill a few others for refusing to fall in line. You wanna talk about standing on business? Ohhh Ony’s your man through and through. Mans is always fighting for the greater good and even willing to sacrifice his life for the cause; it’s safe to say you’d bark if he asked you to. 

Reiner - 7.0

Ok hear me out, mans is GIRTHY. And 7 inches isn’t a bad place to be at all. Very rarely do those beefcake ass men have length, but that doesn’t mean they're lacking. In fact, I’ll take it a step further and guess that Reiners smeat curves left. CHANGE MY MIND. Any man strong enough to wield that heavy ass armor titan is absolutely knocking the cobwebs off that pwussy. Needless to say, prep is still a must.

Armin - 7.0

Its certainly the quiet ones that shock you the most. Have you ever interacted with a chill and laid back man? It's definitely a reason for that and Armin is no exception. Although I consider him the least experienced, keep in mind that he is a QUICK learner. Every contort of your face and shift of your body is all the notes he needs to take to properly learn how to work your body over. And soon, you’ll be able to mold him to your perfect sex partner. That, coupled with his sweet attitude and sincere personality; sigh that bitch Annie really struck gold with this one. 

Floch - 8.0

If you look up unhinged in the dictionary, you’d literally find a picture of Floch. Many can make the argument that he may be overcompensating for something, but I di-fucking-gress. Even though he can be a bit off the walls, it truly was for good reason and all in the name of his country and THAT, my friends, is big dick behavior.

[hollowfyshunsuikubo]

Personal AOT HCs

AN: My best friend started me on this anime purely because they thought I’d like Erwin. They were right of course but the lore elements are cool too. (Please take this peace offering before my very long Bleach x reader ily)

Featuring: As many as I can fit.

Contains: NSFW, Crack, fluff, a lil angst

MINORS DNI I WILL CONTACT YOUR PARENTS.

Hange can sleep anywhere. Like. Anywhere. Moblit has found her sleeping in/on: tables, roofs, a horse, a wild horse, a tree, in a hole, on the stairs, upside down from her ODM gear, and once in Levi’s office.

Onyankapon tries so hard to be a Cool Uncle but ends up coming off like a Weed Fuckboy Chill Cousin. He's also really good at chess.

Erwin liked to adopt little stray cats. HQ was always full of them- little kittens, Mama cats, grumpy old street veterans with ear nicks and scars. He loves them hard enough for them to miss him when he's gone.

Levi hated the cats but sometimes pet them. In his grief after Erwin died he sent them all away to good homes. A tiny little kitten remained hidden in Erwins old room and ate scraps for two months before Levi found it. He kept that single one. It has blue eyes.

Sasha has an incredibly high metabolism, which is why she eats so much. She needs protein and carbs constantly. If she got enough, she'd be twice as strong and Reiner and would benchpress Mike for fun.

Connie shaved his head until some girl mentioned he'd look hot with soft curls. THEN he started growing it out a little.

Jean is so devoted to Mikasa he doesn't sleep with anyone else. Well, there was that really weird night with that guy, but that doesn't count... right.

Eren is both so homophobic and so ally it's hard to tell that he's bisexual.

Armin has the biggest library. Erwin, for some random reason, left him all his books. Levi didn't contest that. In some books, Erwin even left little annotations- speaking even though he is gone. Armin flips through the pages often, wondering if the Commander he didn't know so well would have ever seen him as a son, if he had lived.

Yelena doesn't know who's right or wrong, a lot of the time. She agrees with Eren, people should pay. But the lives that will be lost... is war really worth it? She sits up at night with a drink and a cigarette glaring at the moon, wondering if her ideals are placed in the wrong people. But never once does she defect or speak out.

I'd like to think in their vulnerable moments, Mikasa and Annie sneak out together after the Rumbling. They sit under the stars and train for a little. They end up covered in bruises. Annie admits she's sorry. Mikasa admits she is too. They keep fighting, because what else is there now?

Historia cares for her child, but can't look at her daughter. She sees to much of what she wished she had, too much of a life she was denied. She loves her little daughter, but can't help but resent her too. Historia is scared she'll end up like her mother, and pushes all of it down.

Before he died, Beretoldt thought about how his life was going to save another person's life, but in the back of his mind he wished he could see his parents one last time. He was, after all, only a child.

Reiner went to therapy, once. He cried and cried and cried. He hasn't gone back, but his mind feels better. He can finally sit down and put his life into reasonable order. He misses Porco, oddly enough. He misses being told the truth and seen as just a man.

Annie misses the feeling of her Titan. If you asked her, she'd say it's like a puzzle piece is missing, a warm embrace ripped from her. Her crystal was the last thing from her Titan that felt like a home. She'd say it's like missing the skin of your back because you peeled it off. She'd say it's a longing. But she doesn't talk, not often now.

When Eren and Mikasa fucked off to Switzerland, they had a ball of a time. Mikasa got really good at cooking, Eren finally learned to chill the fuck out, and of course: geese. Lots of geese.

Floch, weirdly enough, unlike Jean, has a lot of sexual experience. The girls he sleeps with says he's a damnable bastard in person, but actually kind of sweet in bed. Sure he's rough but he makes sure they like it. He has four bastard children and he's very, very proud.

Sasha and Connie would sometimes just fight with long sticks. Hey Siri, play "Duel of The Fates" I should write for Star Wars they got really good at it.

Eren and Floch had a one night stand. Yelena walked in on them halfway through and laughed so hard they stopped. It's never happened again, but Yelana likes to hint at it.

Zeke often just fucking. Sits there. He'll just be brooding and he'll zone back in and what the fuck it's been three hours why didn't anyone tell me. He likes his beard as well, he doesn't like to shave it because he's got a bit of a baby face, and he even has a comb specifically for grooming it. He gets bitches too. He's a big fan of pussy eating btw. Really, really big.

Historia knows what a strap is. No she will not tell anyone but they KNOW it was Ymir. A bad influence even after her goddamn death.

Gabi wakes up screaming some nights, begging for it to stop, begging to be able to go back, to not do what she did. Falco tries to comfort her, but some nights, all she can say is "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry Sasha." Connie, sometimes, hears this. He gets... Angry. And sad too, knowing that Gabi was just a kid, indoctrinated and brainwashed, and that her regrets equal his own.

[cosmicjoke]

hi, I have two questions I would like to ask about the ending of AOT and I was hoping you explain them to me.

there is something I’m not clear about Eren. If Eren wanted to kill 100% of the world but he knew his friends would stop him, why couldn’t he take away their titan powers or left them in the paths until he could finish the rumbling. I know he wants to give them freedom but I’m not quite convinced. why couldn’t he stopped what he was doing and explained everything during the final battle instead of dragging the fight and potentially kill his friends if he wanted to save them?

why did Zeke’s death stopped the rumbling? I know he’s of royal blood, but since Ymir obeyed Eren and chose not to follow Zeke, doesn’t that make Zeke’s royal blood irrelevant? How could Eren transform into a giant colossal if he lost the founding titans power because of Zeke’s death?

I'll try to answer as best as I can.

For your first question, it really is as simple as Eren believing in freedom and not, supposedly, impeding on the right of anyone else to choose what they do. He could have taken away everyone's titan powers or tried to stop them in some other way, but he wanted to let them make the choice on their own of whether they would side with him or against him. Of course, there's an inherent contradiction in Eren's actions. As much as he values freedom and the ability to choose for oneself, ultimately, his selfishness superseded his ideology and often, without really realizing it, interfered with and took away other people's freedom to choose. He was so hellbent on getting to experience his own, personal idea of freedom, that is, a world devoid of humanity, that he forced his friends into situations and conflicts they never agreed or consented to. And really, Eren had been doing that since young childhood, when he would get into fights under the guise of protecting Armin, when all he really wanted to do was fight, and in the process, drag Mikasa into conflicts she didn't ask for or want in order to protect him. He placed his friends constantly into danger and into corners in which they had no choice but to comply with his demands and wishes. Eren is a hypocrite, and he knows it, too. It's why he calls himself a "half-hearted piece of shit", because he knows as much as he preaches about the importance of freedom and everyone's right to it, he's also willing, without hesitation, to take people's freedom away from them if it means securing his own, warped idea of it for himself.

As for why Eren didn't attempt to explain himself during the final battle, again, it's because of his selfishness. What one has to understand about Eren is that he's really just a big, idiot child in a man's body. He never matured past the age we first meet him at, which is like 9 or 10 years old. He never grew past that mindset and willfulness. Whatever he set his mind to, whatever he wanted, he was going to go after it, and nobody was going to talk him out of it or convince him otherwise. He knew, if he tried explaining himself to his friends, they would still try to stop him and convince him that he couldn't do what he was doing, and ultimately, he knew he wouldn't listen, and it would all end up the same either way. In the end, Eren placed his own desires over his friends and comrades well-being, which really puts the lie to his claim that he was doing it to protect them and the island. As he admits to Armin, his willful actions ended up getting Sasha and Hange killed, and put his friends into direct conflict with Floch, and he doesn't mention it, but they also nearly got Levi killed, and countless other people on the island died as a result, including the entirety of the higher-up military officers. The Rumbling was never about protecting his friends or the island. Anyone paying any attention to the story should understand that.

For your second question, Zeke's death stopped the Rumbling because, even though Ymir chose to follow Eren instead of Zeke, it was still Zeke's connection to Ymir that allowed Eren to make contact with her. With Zeke dead, that connection was severed, and thus, Eren's ability to control Ymir's power was cut. He no longer had a direct line to her power.

As for how he was able to turn into that giant titan at the end... I actually have no idea, lol. That might just be one of those things in the story that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Maybe someone else can explain that one better. It's been a while since I read the manga, too, so maybe I could give you an actual answer here if I went back and read it, haha. Maybe it had something to do with Eren still holding the Founding Titan in him, despite his direct line to Ymir being cut. Maybe she transformed him into a Colossal Titan to battle Armin's, in order to buy time for the worm creature to get back in contact with him. That's the best I can come up with on that one, I'm afraid, haha.

Anyway, I hope I was able to answer your questions and thanks for asking!

[felineverdure]

AU time 😈😈

Let’s say Floch survives Mikasa’s attack, and Jean gets him on that plane in time to escape from the Colossal Titans. How do you think, what happens next?

ughghghhghgh. oh boy oh boyyyy. (thank you ❤️) more jean centric and this is kinda sad???

if jean is already hauling floch's ass into the plane, that means the jeanbo that we are dealing here isnt thinking straight and is already in protective jean mode. (logical jean would probably put him on the boat) first of all, the most awkward plane ride ever!! the scouts and onyankopon are perplexed (and mad) at jean. warriors are confused at the random dying ginger. during the rumbling fight jean is extra extra protective towards his comrades as his ptsd (from seeing floch almost dying) starts to manifest. all in all he still kicks ass. twice as hard.

post rumbling: (lets just ignore the titanization part just so that i can have more angst) floch somehow survives and gets the proper treatment, he's in comatose from the prolonged exposed wound, excessive blood loss, infection idk the whole package. jean is his primary caretaker. connie stayed mad at jean. armin lowkey mad too and things are awkward between them. jean is 100% miserable bc his friends hates him. surprisingly, levi came to be the one who understands him the most. (bc floch is erwin lite and jean is levi lite) reiner tried his best to be there for jean bc jean was there for him but he's probably unsure how to help bc he's still all "who is this redhead man???"

based on jean's canon fear of seeing his comrade die, seeing someone he cares about almost dying elicited a more severe reaction out of him. bc friends dying, thats easy for jean, the pain will pass but seeing them survive especially with a injury that is probably permanent? especially one where he know he could have done something to prevent? thats too much for him. floch eventually woke up but jean has serious ptsd, maybe getting some nightmares, thinks floch is a hallucination or a ghost. he turns down the offer to join the peace ambassador. floch actually became better mentally and kinda softer bc NDE and they never returned to paradis but chose to stick around with levi and co.

[liquorisce]

What are some of your favorite fics? It doesn't have to be aot or something you've written

omg tysm for this question I love talking about my fav fics ESP BC SO MANY OF THEM ARE NON AOT 🙈🙈 I had to go to my ffn favs for this hihi

so this is list is home to the fics that I have truly idolised, read repeatedly and tried to emulate in some way or another in my own writing journey:

1. Heartbeat by letmeannoyyoutoday. U must have heard me screaming about this fic before. It is god tier, the angstiest, the most painful Sasusaku you can imagine. There isn’t even smut in it but still I’m rendered a sobbing mess everytime I read this story. And I read it every fortnight or so, I swear. canonverse. sasusaku get married.

2. The most dangerous things by Childoftheashes. Man this fic is the tastiest thing in the ichihime fandom istg. Ichigo is unapologetically horny and bossy and slutty and I love everything about it. Orihime is absolutely clueless and drives him up a wall and it’s literally completely smut! This author is one of my smut senseis. I also really love "chasing paper tigers like dreams" by her.

3. Sometimes I think the stupidest things by starsinew. Ok I’m sorry for putting this here bc this user doesn’t have this fic up anymore (I managed to find the epub and thank fuck for that) but I had to talk about it bc this fic changed me on a fundamental level. I fell in love with it so much, even to this day I look back at it with an education lens as to how to write smut. God tier. I hope this author is well and living their best life.

4. Friends with Benefits by confused panda bear. Syaosaku, card captor Sakura. Again a story that doesn’t exist anymore online but I still remember some of the dialogues bc they were so iconic. Definitely a primer on smut writing for me. I invite you to check out their other stories tho they’re literally the harugou mother, birthing the most insane crackship in the free! fandom and getting everyone else drunk on it thanks to their god tier writing.

5. Clarity by randomteenager — angsty but silly gruvia. i love it so much.

6. Seeking Ginny by Casca. Harry/Ginny fic with heavy emphasis on Ginny's personal growth.

7. How to Coexist by Spoilerarlert and also washed up and rundown, I haven't finished it yet but fuck its amazing so far. Both are modern AU stories, one in NYC and the other in Chicago. I can't recommend this author enough, they have a very original and compelling style of writing.

8. Little Beast by herblacktights. This is my fav modern au, high school eremika. If you haven't heard me raving me about this fic already then ur obviously new here. ITS AWESOME! go read it now

9. Dog by Ackermom. floch x eren at it's unhealthiest best. canonverse. This author is one my favs actually, I devour ALL of her work, no exception. I also really enjoyed her reibert fics.

10. Icarus & I by bluinary. Armin-centric. Modern AU. I read this many years ago but I think of it often. I loved Armin's journey in this fic.

11. Three Days by Lotos-Eater. Canonverse. An angsty smutty Shikatema fic where Shikamaru thinks he's lost her.

12. For everything there is a season by SouthSideStory. If y'all are sasusaku stans then you know SouthSideStory already. She's phenomenal. This one is angsty sequel which delves into Sakura's feelings post miscarriage. I highly recommend the prequel as well.

13. Fool for you by Hand of Destiny. Syaosaku. Card Captor Sakura. Syaoran is a business mogul from a very traditional Chinese family. Sakura is an innocent girl who decides to try giving the escort profession a go. God tier, I swear. It also has a sequel!

14. lost girl & found boy. eremika. lost girls-verse. mikasa wants to know how babies are made, etc. cw: teen pregnancy.

15. all you want by senlinyu. i just binged this yesterday. holy shit. it's the big daddy of m/f omegaverse fics, I swear. dramione. canonverse + omegaverse. really really good!!!

ty for the question <3

[shiorihyugawrites]

Diamond Of The First Water

In the aftermath of war, Paradis finds itself in need of powerful alliances. When Emperor Armand of Valoria offers his military aid in exchange for the hand of his daughter, Princess Solina, in marriage, Captain Levi Ackerman is thrust into an engagement that begins as a political strategy but soon becomes something much deeper.

Princess Solina, sheltered from the world and unaware of the realities of love and war, finds herself drawn to Levi—the man known as Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. As they navigate royal customs, public expectations, and the growing threat of Marley, the bond between them deepens into a genuine connection.

But neither Solina nor Levi are prepared for the challenges of a political marriage, the weight of intimacy, and the secrets that lie beneath the surface. As Solina enters a new life with Levi, her naivety is tested, and Levi faces a battle unlike any he’s fought before—the fight to protect his heart.

Can their love flourish in the midst of war, duty, and danger? Or will the forces conspiring against them tear them apart before they can find peace? (Levi x OC)

Chapter Three

The sky over Paradis was a dull gray, the kind of overcast that muted the world beneath it, casting everything in a cold, somber light. The wind carried a biting chill, a reminder that even in moments of relative peace, the weight of the world remained heavy on their shoulders. Inside the war room at the military headquarters, the scouts were gathered once again, the tension palpable as they awaited word from Valoria.

Levi stood near the window, arms crossed as he stared out at the empty streets below, his face as stoic as ever. The others sat around the long wooden table—Hange, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Floch—each with their own expressions of uncertainty. The weight of the alliance with Valoria had been hanging over them for days now, the decision to accept the marriage proposal still fresh in their minds.

“I still can’t believe it,” Jean muttered, his arms crossed as he leaned back in his chair. “Levi, of all people, getting engaged to some princess. It feels… surreal.”

Connie snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah, and the fact that it’s all because of some political move? Just doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Doesn’t have to sit right,” Floch interjected, leaning forward with a smug look. “It’s what’s best for Paradis. If this alliance secures us Valoria’s military support and gives us access to their resources, then who cares how it happens? Captain Levi can handle it.”

Mikasa, who had been silent for most of the conversation, frowned slightly, her gaze shifting to Levi, who remained by the window, unmoving. She hadn’t voiced her opinion on the matter, but it was clear that the idea of someone close to her being used in a political arrangement didn’t sit well. Especially not when it came to someone like Levi, who had always fought for his own terms.

Eren, seated beside her, stared at the table with that same cold, calculating expression he’d worn ever since the attack on Liberio. His mind seemed distant, but his presence was heavy in the room.

Hange, seated at the head of the table, drummed her fingers against the wood. “We knew this was coming. An engagement like this isn’t just for show—they want to formalize the alliance, make sure everyone’s on the same page. And for that, there’s bound to be meetings and discussions.” Her tone was light, but her eyes were sharp, always assessing.

Just then, there was a knock on the door, and an officer stepped in, holding a letter sealed with the insignia of Valoria. “Commander Hange,” the officer said, handing the letter to her, “a message from Emperor Armand.”

The room fell silent as all eyes turned toward Hange, who took the letter with a nod of thanks. She carefully broke the seal, her movements deliberate as she unfolded the parchment. As her eyes scanned the contents of the letter, the air seemed to thicken with anticipation.

Hange’s lips quirked into a small, tight smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Well, it’s official,” she said, looking up at the group. “Emperor Armand has invited us to Valoria to discuss the terms of the alliance. And… for Captain Levi to meet Princess Solina in person.”

Levi didn’t react, his eyes still fixed on the streets outside, though his posture grew a fraction tenser. He had known this was coming, but hearing it stated so plainly still hit him harder than he expected.

Mikasa’s frown deepened. “So we’re really doing this. You’re really going to Valoria.”

Levi finally turned away from the window, his face as impassive as ever. “It seems that way.”

Jean let out a low whistle. “I gotta admit, I didn’t think we’d actually get to the point where we’d be traveling to some foreign empire to meet royalty. And you, Captain—married to a princess? It’s like something out of a story.”

Sasha, ever curious, leaned forward, her eyes wide. “I can’t imagine someone like that fitting in here, especially with all the things we’ve been through.”

Floch, clearly unimpressed by the concerns raised, shrugged. “Does it matter? She’s probably like every other noble we’ve dealt with—rich, spoiled, and used to getting her way. But that’s irrelevant. What matters is that we secure the alliance, get what we need, and move on.”

Armin, who had been deep in thought, finally spoke, his voice calm but tinged with caution. “We should be careful. Valoria might be offering us this alliance, but that doesn’t mean we can trust them completely. They’re powerful, and they’re using marriage as a tool to bind us to them. We need to make sure we’re not walking into a situation where Paradis becomes dependent on them.”

Hange nodded in agreement, her fingers still toying with the edges of the letter. “Exactly. This meeting isn’t just a formality. It’s our chance to see how far they’re willing to go, and what they’re expecting from us in return. The ice burst stone is valuable, but we can’t let that blind us to the bigger picture.”

Eren’s voice cut through the conversation, cold and resolute. “We’ll use them like they’re using us. The moment they stop being useful, we cut ties. We don’t owe them anything beyond what serves Paradis.”

Levi’s gaze flicked briefly to Eren, noting the hardened expression on his face. Eren’s transformation over the past months had been drastic, but Levi wasn’t surprised by the young man’s words. Eren had become ruthlessly pragmatic, his emotions buried beneath layers of resolve and calculation.

“Are we all going to Valoria?” Connie asked, glancing around the room. “I mean, shouldn’t we send a smaller group or something? We don’t want to look like we’re marching in with a whole army.”

Hange considered this for a moment before nodding. “We’ll send a delegation. Myself, Captain Levi, and a few others. We can’t risk sending everyone, but we need enough presence to show that we’re serious about this alliance. Besides, this isn’t just about the marriage; it’s about the future of Paradis.”

Levi, still standing near the window, finally spoke up, his voice low and controlled. “I’ll go. I’ll meet this Princess Solina, and we’ll see what kind of game they’re playing. But make no mistake—this is for Paradis. Not for them.”

Hange smiled, though it was a grim sort of smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Captain.”

Mikasa’s eyes lingered on Levi, a mixture of worry and respect in her gaze. “Just be careful. We don’t know what we’re walking into.”

Levi met her gaze, his eyes steady. “I always am.”

As the conversation continued, plans were made for the journey to Valoria. It would be a delicate negotiation, not just for the alliance, but for the future of both nations. And while the scouts understood the importance of the task at hand, the weight of the unknown hung over them like a storm on the horizon.

Eren’s gaze shifted from the letter to the map of the world spread out on the table. His mind was already thinking ahead, calculating the possibilities. This alliance would serve Paradis, but he knew better than to trust any nation, no matter how powerful. His focus remained sharp, his thoughts always centered on the survival of his people.

The room quieted as the reality of what lay ahead settled in. Valoria was a land of mystery, power, and political games that the scouts were only just beginning to understand. And at the center of it all was Captain Levi Ackerman, now bound to a foreign princess he had never met, in a land far across the sea.

Levi stood still, looking out at the horizon, his mind already preparing for the journey ahead. It wasn’t fear or anxiety that gripped him—it was the cold certainty that, once again, his life had been pulled into something beyond his control. And yet, he would face it head-on, as he always had.

Because for Levi, this was just another mission. Another battle. And he wouldn’t let Paradis fall.

…

As the war room settled into a tense quiet, Levi stepped away from the window, his mind made up. The journey to Valoria wasn’t one he was looking forward to, but it was necessary. Hange, standing nearby, folded the letter from Emperor Armand and placed it on the table before addressing the group.

“Alright, it’s decided,” Hange said, her voice firm but measured. “Levi, Armin, Jean, and I will be the ones to travel to Valoria and represent Paradis in these negotiations. We’ll meet with Emperor Armand, Princess Solina, and whoever else they deem necessary to finalize the alliance.”

Immediately, there were groans of disapproval from Connie and Sasha.

“Wait, why not us?” Connie asked, his face scrunched up in frustration. “We should be going too! I mean, when else are we going to get the chance to visit some fancy empire on the other side of the world?”

Sasha, who was sitting next to him, nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, come on! You can’t just leave us behind. I want to see what the food’s like over there! Besides, we’re part of the team too.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed slightly, and he crossed his arms over his chest. His tone was blunt, as always. “No.”

Connie blinked, clearly caught off guard by the sharpness of Levi’s response. “Wait, what? Why not?”

Levi’s expression didn’t waver. “Because we can’t risk all of us leaving at the same time. If Marley attacks while we’re gone, and the core members of the Scouts are missing, Paradis is as good as dead. You two staying behind is non-negotiable.”

Sasha’s face fell slightly, but she still tried to press her case. “But we can help! It’s not like we’re just going to sit around if something happens—”

Levi cut her off with a raised hand. “That’s not the point. We’re already risking enough by sending this delegation. Eren needs to stay to defend the island, and Mikasa is going to stay with him. You and Connie need to be here to back them up.”

Connie let out a long sigh, slumping back in his chair, clearly not happy with the decision but not willing to push Levi further. “Fine, fine. I get it. Just… don’t have all the fun without us.”

Jean smirked from his place at the table, leaning back with a teasing grin. “Don’t worry, Connie. I’ll send you a letter about how fancy the royal palace is and all the great food Sasha’s missing out on.”

Sasha scowled, crossing her arms and muttering under her breath, “I better get a damn letter with descriptions of everything you eat…”

Armin, who had remained quiet throughout the exchange, nodded in agreement with Levi. “It makes sense. Marley is still a threat, and we can’t leave the island defenseless. Eren will be here if anything happens, and if Marley attacks, we need all of you ready to respond.”

Eren, sitting a few chairs away, hadn’t said much, but his expression remained as cold and unreadable as always. His eyes flicked up toward Levi and Hange for a moment before landing on Armin.

“I’m not leaving the island,” Eren said flatly. “If Marley comes, I’ll be ready for them. And if anything goes wrong in Valoria, just send word. I’ll deal with it.”

Mikasa, seated beside Eren, remained silent, but there was no mistaking her resolve. Wherever Eren went, she would follow. She wasn’t about to leave his side now, especially not with the uncertainty hanging over their heads.

Hange gave a satisfied nod, clearly appreciating that at least some of the group was on the same page. “Exactly. Eren, Mikasa, Connie, Sasha, you’ll be here holding the fort while we’re away. We won’t be gone long, but we’ll need to make sure everything runs smoothly while we’re negotiating with Valoria. If anything happens, we’ll send word, but for now, Paradis needs to be protected.”

Levi glanced over at Eren, his gaze sharp. “You’re the one they fear, Eren. If Marley makes a move, you’ll be the reason they hesitate. Don’t do anything reckless while we’re gone.”

Eren met Levi’s gaze, his expression unreadable, but he gave a slight nod. “I know my role.”

The tension in the room seemed to ease slightly, though it was clear that everyone still felt the weight of the situation. With Levi, Hange, Armin, and Jean preparing to leave for Valoria, and Eren and the others staying behind to defend Paradis, the stakes had never been higher.

Hange clapped her hands together, breaking the somber mood. “Well, let’s not dwell on it too much. We’ve got preparations to make. Levi, we’ll need to coordinate with Kiyomi Azumabito to arrange transportation. I’ll take care of that. Armin, Jean—make sure you’re packed and ready to leave in the next few days. We don’t know exactly when the meeting will be, but we’ll need to be ready.”

Armin nodded, his brow furrowed in thought. “I’ll prepare everything we’ll need for the trip. We’ll have to bring detailed maps of Paradis and documents outlining the terms of the alliance.”

Jean, always pragmatic, stood from the table and stretched. “I guess this means I need to pack my nicest shirt. Can’t look like a slob in front of royalty.”

Levi scoffed but didn’t comment, already turning toward the door. His mind was focused on the mission ahead. While he had no interest in politics or alliances, this was just another battle to him—one where the stakes were higher than ever. And while meeting Princess Solina wasn’t something he particularly looked forward to, it was part of the job now.

As the scouts began to move about, preparing for what came next, the weight of their decisions hung in the air. The journey to Valoria would mark a turning point for Paradis, and the world beyond their island was still full of unknowns.

Levi, ever the soldier, was ready for whatever came next. But even as he prepared, the lingering question remained in the back of his mind—What kind of life could he possibly have with someone like Princess Solina?

He and Hange moved quickly after the meeting, knowing they had little time to waste. The weight of the upcoming journey to Valoria hung over them, and though neither of them expressed it outwardly, they both understood the importance of securing the alliance.

As they walked through the quiet streets of Paradis toward the Azumabito estate, Levi remained his usual stoic self, while Hange hummed a little tune under her breath, her mind clearly buzzing with anticipation.

“You’re thinking too much again,” Levi muttered, breaking the silence.

Hange grinned but didn’t deny it. “I can’t help it, Levi. We’re about to head to a powerful empire to negotiate terms that could shape the future of Paradis. My mind’s racing. Aren’t you at least a little excited?”

Levi glanced sideways at her, his face as impassive as ever. “I’m not excited about anything that involves being used as a political pawn.”

Hange sighed, giving him a playful nudge. “Ah, you’ll be fine. You’re Levi Ackerman, after all. The princess is probably terrified of the idea of marrying you.”

“Tch,” Levi scoffed but didn’t say more. The idea of meeting Princess Solina, of being dragged into a marriage for the sake of political convenience, weighed heavily on him. But it wasn’t something he could change now.

As they approached the Azumabito estate, the ornate gates swung open, revealing the elegant grounds within. It was a place of wealth and sophistication, a stark contrast to the rough, war-torn streets of Paradis. Kiyomi Azumabito had been instrumental in supporting the Scouts during their mission in Marley, and now her assistance would once again prove invaluable.

A pair of Azumabito guards bowed respectfully as Hange and Levi entered the estate. They were soon led into a lavish room, where Kiyomi herself waited, standing by a large table covered with maps and navigation charts. Her sharp eyes gleamed as she looked up, welcoming them with a graceful nod.

“Commander Hange, Captain Levi,” she said smoothly, gesturing for them to approach the table. “I’ve been expecting you.”

“Thanks for seeing us on such short notice,” Hange replied, stepping forward. “We’ve received word from Emperor Armand. We need to depart for Valoria as soon as possible to begin formal negotiations.”

Kiyomi’s gaze flickered with understanding, her posture poised. “Of course. The ship is ready for you. We anticipated that you would need our assistance in reaching Valoria, and we’ve already begun preparations for the voyage.”

Hange leaned over the table, inspecting the maps spread before her. One of the charts detailed the route from Paradis to Valoria, a long line tracing across the ocean. “How long will it take us to get there?” she asked, her brow furrowing in concentration.

Kiyomi smiled faintly, tapping one of the charts with her finger. “By sea, the journey will take approximately two weeks, assuming favorable weather conditions. The Azumabito ship is well-equipped for such a voyage, and we will provide all the necessary provisions for you and your team.”

Levi crossed his arms, his gaze shifting to the map. “Two weeks on a ship,” he muttered. “Not exactly my idea of a good time.”

Hange shot him a grin. “Oh, come on, Levi. Think of it as a nice little break from all the Titan slaying.”

Levi didn’t bother to respond, his mind already calculating the time they’d be gone from Paradis. Two weeks to Valoria, and likely just as long for the return trip. They couldn’t afford to be away for too long. Marley was still a threat, and every day they spent negotiating abroad was another day their island was left vulnerable.

Kiyomi, sensing Levi’s concern, continued speaking, her voice calm and measured. “I understand the urgency of your mission. Rest assured, the Azumabito crew onboard will ensure your safety during the voyage. I will personally oversee the preparations and ensure that everything is in order before your departure.”

Hange nodded gratefully, though her mind was clearly racing with plans and possibilities. “Thank you, Kiyomi. We’ll need to leave as soon as possible. There’s no time to waste.”

Kiyomi inclined her head. “I will have my crew finalize everything by tomorrow. You will set sail at dawn.”

Levi stepped forward, his eyes locking with Kiyomi’s. “We can’t afford any mistakes. Paradis is still vulnerable. If anything happens while we’re away—”

Kiyomi raised a hand, her expression serene but firm. “You have my word, Captain Levi. The ship will reach Valoria safely, and I trust that your fellow Scouts will keep Paradis secure in your absence. As you’ve said before, you must trust in those who remain behind.”

Levi’s jaw clenched, but he nodded. Trust was a word that came with great difficulty for him, especially when so much was at stake. But there was no choice now. They had to go.

Hange smiled at Kiyomi, her eyes gleaming with excitement despite the seriousness of the situation. “We’ll be ready by dawn. Thank you, Kiyomi.”

Kiyomi bowed her head slightly, her eyes glimmering with the same intelligence that had made her a powerful ally. “May the winds carry you swiftly to Valoria. I believe your mission will be a success.”

As Hange and Levi turned to leave, Kiyomi added, “And, Captain Levi… remember that you are not just a soldier in this. You are a symbol of Paradis, a force that cannot be underestimated. Even in a foreign land, your presence will be more significant than you realize.”

Levi paused at the door, his expression unreadable, before giving a slight nod. He didn’t like the weight of symbolism, of being a figurehead for Paradis, but it wasn’t something he could escape. Especially now.

Once they were outside the estate, Hange glanced sideways at Levi, her usual playful smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “Well, Levi, looks like we’re in for a long journey. You excited to meet your princess?”

Levi shot her a flat look, his voice laced with sarcasm. “Can’t wait.”

Hange laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll be an unforgettable experience.”

As they made their way back to the military headquarters, the reality of what lay ahead settled in. Two weeks at sea to a foreign empire, negotiations with royalty, and a marriage that could determine the future of Paradis. It wasn’t the kind of battle Levi had ever imagined himself fighting, but it was one he had no choice but to face.

The morning would come soon enough, and with it, the beginning of a journey that would shape not just their future, but the future of Paradis itself.

…

The day had arrived, and the docks of Paradis were bustling with activity as the Azumabito ship prepared for its departure. The sleek vessel, larger than anything most of the scouts had ever seen, rested in the water like a silent predator, its hull glinting in the early morning light. The sails billowed gently in the breeze as the crew moved about, making final adjustments before setting off for Valoria.

Levi, Hange, Armin, and Jean stood near the gangplank, their bags slung over their shoulders. Around them, the remaining members of the Scout Regiment—Eren, Mikasa, Connie, Sasha, and Floch—gathered to see them off. The air was thick with the significance of the moment, but there was also an undercurrent of excitement.

"Well," Hange began, grinning as she looked around at the group, "this is it. Our first official diplomatic mission to a foreign country as guests. Who would've thought?"

Armin adjusted the strap of his bag, his eyes shining with curiosity. "It’s incredible to think about. We’ve spent so much time fighting, and now we’re being invited to Valoria, one of the most powerful empires in the world. This could change everything."

Jean crossed his arms, though a small smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, if you’d told me a few years ago that we’d be boarding a ship to meet royalty and negotiate alliances, I would’ve called you crazy. Still feels surreal."

Sasha and Connie stood side by side, both looking more than a little envious of the ones leaving. Sasha sighed dramatically. "I still can’t believe we’re not going. You guys better send food back or something. I bet they have the best pastries in Valoria."

Connie nodded in agreement. "Yeah, come on, Hange. At least smuggle us back some cool souvenirs or something."

Hange laughed, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Oh, don’t worry. I’ll make sure to send you both a nice postcard from the royal palace."

Eren stood a little off to the side, his gaze distant, though his sharp eyes remained locked on Levi. There was no warmth in his expression, just that same calculating coldness that had taken root in him ever since their return from Marley.

“You know your role, Captain,” Eren said quietly, his tone flat. “We can’t afford to make any mistakes. Valoria’s support is crucial, but if they betray us…”

Levi cut him off with a sharp look. “I know. If they cross us, we deal with it. But that’s not the plan. For now, we need their support, and I’ll do what needs to be done to secure it.”

Mikasa stood beside Eren, her arms crossed as she watched the ship, her expression more reserved but no less focused. “Just be careful,” she said, her voice soft but firm. “We don’t know what kind of place Valoria is. You might be guests, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be safe.”

Levi glanced at her, his eyes hard but not unkind. “I’m always careful.”

Floch, leaning against a crate nearby, spoke up, his tone a mix of arrogance and impatience. “Just remember that we’re counting on this alliance. If things go south, don’t hesitate to take action. We can’t let Paradis be at the mercy of anyone, no matter how powerful they are.”

Hange’s smile softened slightly as she watched Floch, but she didn’t comment on his bluntness. Instead, she looked at the group one last time, her gaze lingering on Eren and Mikasa before turning to Armin and Jean. "Well, time to get going. We’ve got a long journey ahead of us, and I’m sure the high seas will be as exciting as Valoria itself."

Jean shook his head. "Yeah, if we don’t get seasick first. Two weeks at sea isn’t exactly my idea of fun."

Armin chuckled. "I’ve always wanted to see more of the world, and this is our chance. Who knows what we’ll learn in Valoria?"

Levi, ever the pragmatic one, cut the conversation short. “Enough chatter. Let’s get on board. We’ve got work to do.”

With that, the four of them—Levi, Hange, Armin, and Jean—stepped onto the gangplank, boarding the ship. The crew immediately moved to prepare for departure, raising the anchor and unfurling the sails. The wind caught in the fabric, pushing the vessel forward as it began to move away from the dock.

Hange, leaning on the railing, waved enthusiastically at the remaining scouts on the dock. “Take care of Paradis while we’re gone! And don’t forget to water my plants, Floch!”

Floch scowled but waved back reluctantly, muttering something under his breath. Connie and Sasha waved with more enthusiasm, though their disappointment at being left behind was still clear on their faces.

Mikasa remained silent, her gaze fixed on the ship as it slowly drifted away from the shore. Eren stood beside her, his arms crossed, his expression as unreadable as ever.

As the ship pulled further out into the harbor, the wind picking up and the sea stretching out before them, Hange turned to Levi, her grin wide. “You ready for this, Levi? Two weeks of nothing but the ocean and our delightful company.”

Levi gave her a sidelong glance, his voice dry. “I’ve had worse missions.”

Armin stood beside them, looking out at the horizon. “It’s strange, isn’t it? All the times we’ve fought and bled for Paradis, and now we’re setting sail to negotiate. It feels… different.”

Jean leaned against the railing, his gaze thoughtful. “Yeah, different’s one way to put it. But it’s a good different. For once, we’re not going to fight. We’re going to build something. That’s new for us.”

Levi remained silent, his thoughts focused on the mission ahead. He knew better than to expect anything simple. Valoria was a powerful empire, and the marriage proposal, while strategic, would come with complications. Meeting Princess Solina, a woman he had never seen or spoken to, felt like the least of his worries compared to the political games that awaited them.

Hange, ever the optimist, gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t look so grim, Levi. We’ve survived Titans, Marley, and more battles than I can count. We’ll manage this too.”

The ship continued to cut through the waves, leaving Paradis behind as the distant shoreline disappeared from view. For the first time in what felt like forever, they weren’t heading into battle. They were heading into the unknown, yes, but it was a new kind of unknown. A diplomatic one.

As the wind picked up and the sea stretched endlessly before them, Levi, Hange, Armin, and Jean settled into the reality of their journey. Two weeks at sea, with Valoria—and a future bound by alliances—waiting on the other side.

…

That night, the ship rocked gently on the dark waves, the sound of the sea a constant hum against the wooden hull. The moon hung high in the sky, casting a faint silver glow over the deck, but inside his state room, Levi was far from finding peace.

He lay on the narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling, his body still and tense despite the weariness that clung to him. Sleep had always been an elusive thing for Levi, but tonight, the restless energy in his mind was worse than usual. His thoughts swirled with images of battles and decisions, the familiar weight of responsibility settling over him like a heavy blanket.

But tonight, there was something new gnawing at him—something that had nothing to do with Titans or military strategy.

Princess Solina.

Levi let out a soft, frustrated breath, turning his head slightly to glance at the small, round window in his cabin. The ocean stretched endlessly beyond the glass, a vast and empty expanse that mirrored the uncertainty in his mind. He wasn’t used to feeling this way—unsettled, unsure of the future. He had always thrived on clarity, on knowing what needed to be done and doing it without hesitation.

But now? Now he was headed to a foreign empire to meet a woman he’d never seen, to marry her for the sake of an alliance that could determine the future of Paradis. The thought of it made his chest tighten in a way he didn’t like.

How the hell am I supposed to be a husband to a princess?

Levi wasn’t naive. He understood the political necessity of the marriage. This was about survival—about ensuring that Paradis had the strength and resources it needed to withstand whatever threats would come next. But that didn’t make the situation any easier to accept.

He closed his eyes, willing himself to relax, but it was no use. His mind continued to race, filled with questions he didn’t have answers to. What kind of person was she, this Princess Solina? Was she as sheltered as the stories suggested, locked away in some lavish palace all her life? Would she even know what it meant to live in a place like Paradis, where death had always lingered just beyond the Walls?

And more importantly—what kind of husband was he supposed to be?

Levi had never thought about marriage before, never even considered the idea of settling down or starting a family. His life had been one of violence, of war and loss, and he had never had the luxury of thinking about anything beyond the next mission, the next battle. Now, suddenly, he was being thrust into a role he didn’t know how to play.

What did Princess Solina expect from him? What would she want from someone like him—a hardened soldier, a man who had seen more death and destruction than any royal could imagine?

She probably expects a prince. Someone polished and refined, who knows how to navigate court politics and speak in pretty words. Not someone like me.

He shifted on the bed, his muscles tense with frustration. He couldn’t be that kind of man, no matter how hard he tried. He wasn’t soft or gentle. He wasn’t someone who could offer comfort or love. He had spent his entire life fighting to protect others, but when it came to matters of the heart, Levi was at a loss.

What kind of husband could he be to a woman like her? A princess, no less—a woman whose life had been shaped by diplomacy, wealth, and status. He imagined the delicate nature of her life compared to his own brutal existence, and the gap between them felt like a canyon.

Levi rubbed his temples, the ache of sleeplessness growing behind his eyes. He wasn’t scared of the marriage—fear wasn’t something Levi allowed himself to feel—but he couldn’t shake the sense of unease. He had always fought his battles head-on, but this felt different. This wasn’t a fight he could win with strength or strategy. This was a life he was about to walk into, a bond that couldn’t be severed with a blade.

She’s probably terrified, he thought, surprising himself with the realization. If he felt this unsettled by the prospect of the marriage, how much worse must it be for her? She was the one being offered up, being sent away from her home to marry a man she didn’t know, in a land she had likely only heard terrifying stories about.

Levi’s chest tightened again, though this time it wasn’t just frustration. He felt a twinge of sympathy for her. He imagined Princess Solina—a woman who had been raised in the safety of a royal palace, surrounded by beauty and luxury—being thrust into a world as harsh as Paradis. What could she possibly make of a life with him, a man who had seen nothing but bloodshed?

I’ll figure it out, he told himself, though the words felt hollow. He always figured things out. He always found a way to survive, to fight through whatever obstacle was in front of him. But this… this wasn’t something he could just fight through. This was different.

With a deep sigh, Levi sat up in bed, the cool night air brushing against his skin. He ran a hand through his dark hair, his thoughts still circling in endless loops. He had never wanted this—never wanted to be part of some political game. But now, here he was, sailing toward a future he couldn’t control.

She’s probably more afraid of me than I am of her, he thought, a bitter smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. He had a reputation, after all. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. A killer. A man whose entire life had been dedicated to wiping out Titans, and anyone else who threatened the people he swore to protect.

Levi leaned back against the wall, staring out the small window once more. The ship rocked gently with the motion of the waves, the sound of the sea the only thing filling the silence of the night.

Whatever awaited him in Valoria, whatever kind of woman Princess Solina turned out to be, Levi knew one thing: he wasn’t about to become someone else for the sake of politics. He couldn’t change who he was, and he wasn’t going to pretend to be something he wasn’t. He would do his duty, as he always had. But beyond that… he would simply have to figure it out as he went.

And with that thought, he closed his eyes, willing himself to rest. There was no use in worrying about what was to come. He had fought harder battles before, and he would survive this one too.

Even if it was a battle of a different kind.

~

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[sunlightandsuffering]

Mikasa losing her shit because Floch is planning to throw a surprise party for Eren’s birthday. The worst part is not that he didn’t invite her, but that he considers himself Eren’s self-appointed best friend she’s fuming

This is amazing and I love it so much lol, also that she's not even invited plz that's so funny.

Mikasa stares at the invitation written in perfect black cursive, the finest of calligraphy on the most beautiful of cardstock.

You are cordially invited to the Birthday of Eren Yeager

Club Sina, 2106 St.

ADMIT ONE

One.

One singular fucking ticket.

And call her dumb but she doesn't think they only got one because the birthday boy gets in free, no this had been a very calculated move. She'd seen everyone else's tickets, Armin had gotten a plus one, hell even Connie had. And yet here is Eren's ticket, addressed with his fucking name, and absolutely no mention of her, his fucking girlfriend. She wants to rip the little card to pieces and force it down Floch's throat, because not only has he attempted to usurp her role as Eren's party planner but he hadn't even invited her to to the fucking party.

Eren stares at her nervously from his seat next to her, very covertly trying to remove all the nearby cutlery from her grasp so she can't take a butter knife to his college friend. "Maybe it was an accident." "It wasn't," Mikasa says decisively and Eren winces at her tone.

"I just won't go." "Everyone else is already going," Mikasa bites out, "Connie has been talking about it for weeks, it's at Club Sina, no one gets in there." "I mean it is my birthday party..." "It's a slap in the face, I told you Eren he wants you and I'm going to slice him up into little pieces for daring to--" "Babe," Eren cuts her off, his hand clamping down on her own as she reaches for a nearby fork, "Lets just calm down, of course I'm going to spend my birthday with you okay baby?"

"I'm sure it was an oversight." He can say it all he wants but it's not true, she can picture Floch's evil little face as he sent the invitations out, smug at the idea that Eren would show up alone, that he could make his move on HER man.

Little bastard.

She's going to kill him.

[fanmoose12]

FANMOOSE i just finished reading the devil you know oh my god i loved how you tied everything up, historia, the paths thing, zeke, hanj as a marleyan, them being used as a bargaining chip, even fking floch AHHHHHHH i could kiss you in the lips right nowW you're absolutely right why couldn't they just ,, u know,, ask ymir to stop??? GENIUS genius, I love it! I love how capable and not so helpless Historia and Mikasa are, Historia especially during the paths scene GAH the levihan is top tier you are brilliant and I love you this is so CANON to me you helped me get over the anime cough cough are you yams why is your brain so big such a great fix-it fic i binged it all morning and I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR YOUR MASTERPIECE your zevihan kinda inspired me coughs

ohh, the devil you know that's my baby!! i don't really remember who pitched the idea to me (sorry), but i love, love the setting! it gives so much freedom to explore hange's character! it adds more depth to it! i know i haven't actually explored it much in the fic, but i really love the idea of hange growing up in marley? weird, bizarre hange being raised in marley's conservative society? constantly looked upon because of her unusual interests? having to live under the weight of her father's legacy? again, i didn't really explore this theme in a fic because there was no space for it really, but i like the idea of hange as a strange child of a very important, very serious man who tries to shun all her achievements and set her on a right path, but hange persisisting through it all. of course, there is also a matter of marley's policies, of how they treated eldians and how hange disapproved of it all but also couldn't really do much because of her status.

and zeke, oh zeke, they'd make such a great pair. both insanely smart, both desperate to change the world and both quite unable to do that. i bet they had the time of their lives theorizing what would happen if only they were free to do as they pleased.

and then! then! hange arrives at paradise (this too makes more sense in my head. no shade on annie, bert and reiner, but sending kids on a dangerous mission to another part of world without any kind of supervision? not marley's brightest ideas), joins the survey corps and? for the first time in her life she feels like she belongs there? all of them are weird! all of them are rebels in a way! hange feels so free and happy! and then she falls in a love with a strangest, kindest man she's ever met! everything is perfect! until hange remembers who she really is and who all these people are, and.... the tragedy ensues

ok, sorry for ramblings but i really love this fic and this setting so, so much! and i love you @anyareinein you're the best!! can't wait for your next update!

[104thsquadfam]

@hopeformankind​ continued from x

     Jean slowly lowered his hand but remained standing there in silence as he heard the Commander wheeze out his words, it was clearly a struggle for him to even keep himself awake like this to talk to him...the man needed rest but it seemed like he was refusing to close his eyes because he was scared of being alone. He could see it in his eyes, it’s a look many of the Scouts had after an expedition or during their last moments, that fear of dying alone with no one around....is this what Marco felt too?

     “ The mission was a success, Wall Maria has been plugged and the titans that were left inside are slowly being handled as we speak.” Levi reported for Erwin knowing the other was on the verge of passing out unable to keep themselves awake...why they continued to fight it was beyond him, he was safe and he’d recover faster if he just let himself rest “ As for the basement it had books about the outside world that Grisha Jeager himself wrote, detailing technology we’ve yet to discover...seems we are behind compared to the vast world beyond the walls. I’ll give you the books to look over later, right now you should rest.” the Captain continued before Floch spoke up suddenly.

     “ You’re lucky I brought you over to the Captain and Section-Commander when I did, you know I’m the one who really found you sir. Jean wouldn’t have even known you were alive if I didn’t bring you to that roof.” the man would practically boast causing Jean to just glare over at him.

     Don’t lose your temper....don’t lose your temper....

     Jean kept repeating to himself but the longer Floch spoke the more irritated he became, his fists clenching tightly until his knuckles turned white his eyes narrowing like a wild animal. 

     So this prick found him first and left him to die there? And now he wants to gloat about how he found him first? 

     “ I mean without me dragging you up there you would have died anyways-” Floch continued before grunting as he was suddenly pinned to the wall by Jean and found himself looking into the eyes of the livid man “ Ughh- What the hell’s your pro-” he started but was cut off by a punch to the face, yeah so much for keeping composed.

     “ So you just left him there?! Who gives a shit if you brought him to that damn roof when you just left him there to die! You stupid asshole what do you want some medal for your half ass attempt to save someone’s life?!” he practically screamed already feeling hands grabbing at him to pry him off of the other....there it was, he could already hear the scouts behind him telling him he was overreacting...these assholes.

     “ Shut up! You’re all no different from him! “ he snapped letting Floch go before smacking the hands of him to glare at the others, specifically Mikasa and Eren and pointed at them, his hand shaking in anger “ You blatantly ignored my cries for help! Mikasa I saw you turn your head slightly before choosing to ignore me! You’re so focused on your close friends you don’t think about your other allies but hey so long as Armin and Eren are fine screw the rest of us right?!” he continued and looked to Eren before he could try and defend Mikasa “ You claim you want to save everyone but you can’t set aside your emotions when the time comes for it! Captain Levi wanted to give the serum to Commander Erwin but you went on crying about how you and Armin haven’t seen the damn sea!! Are you fucking serious?! Was that the best you could come up with?! You couldn’t even bring up a valid reason to choose Armins life over the Commanders!” 

     “ And where were the rest of you?! Not a single one of you went to pay the Commander your respects, were you all that bitter from that charge?! You think any human being wants to lead a bunch of soldiers to their death like that?! Take a good look at him! The guilts written all over him! I don’t recall the Commander ever leaving a soldier to die alone so why is it when he’s dying you all just vanish?! Why was I the only one there to hear him?!” His hand lowered but it was clearly he was shaking with rage “ And I’m supposed to put my trust in my comrades....and why should I? YOU’D ALL JUST LEAVE ME THERE TO DIE YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF DAMN COWARDS!! SELFISH ASSHOLES WHO’D USE THE DEATH OF THEIR COMRADES JUST TO ESCAPE DEATH ONE MORE DAY AND I’M ASHAMED TO EVEN BE FIGHTING ALONGSIDE YOU!” 

     Breathing heavily Jean glared at the other Scouts who just got quiet, after a moment of silence Jean would frown “.....Can’t even speak up and tell me I’m wrong. You’re lucky Commander Erwins alive....” he said furrowing his brows “ If he had died I would have left the Scouts without a second thought....I wouldn’t lay down my lives for any of you selfish bastards.” 

[silvershadow1711]

All of this, 1000%, but especially:

"Just because Erwin is ridden with guilt doesn't mean the cure is death."

"Allowing Erwin to rest is problematic because it can be used for anyone dying."

FUCKING THANK YOU!! The fact that anyone thinks "well, Erwin's depressed and tired of having to make hard calls" is a good justification for letting him die and not the most horrifying thing in a story about people getting turned into canibalistic giants boggles the mind.

(CW: talk of suicide under the break)

Midnight Sun really says "if you're depressed, you should just kill yourself. If you have PTSD, you should kill yourself. Survior's guilt? Kill yourself right fucking now. Nothing will ever get better, it's all downhill from here, happiness is an illusion; the best outcome you can hope for is the sweet release of death. Just throw your dreams in the trash with the rest of your miserable life." Isayama wrote Levi (in this one god awful chapter) as someone who won't even consider the possibilty of Erwin recovering and getting over this depressive slump (y'know, like how Mikasa and Eren did?). You show a moment of weakness and your life is forfeit to this man.

And you can't argue "well, he did it out of compassion because poor Erwin was sooo broken down due to having to be the 'Devil of humanity'." Bull. Shit. Levi obviously never viewed Erwin like that before Floch said it. Are you telling me that Levi-fucking-Ackerman is so mentally weak that his opinion of someone he's known for six years is swayed that hard by an obviously traumatized teenager lashing out, whose name he probably doesn't even know? ...well, seeing as how he uncritically takes the dying words of his megalomanical, serial killer uncle to heart, maybe he is that mentally weak. But still!

If being the commander of the Survey Corps and becoming the "devil of humanity" is suuuuuch a horrible fate that death is preferable... why does Levi then foist that fate onto Hange? Because Levi isn't the one taking up that mantle after Erwin dies. Armin sure as fuck isn't out there making the hard choices (he's not doing anything). It's poor Hange who has to try and fill Erwin's impossibly big shoes, Hange who becomes grim and depressed having to weild humanity's spear against insurmountable odds. What, is that okay because Levi doesn't care about Hange as much as he cares about Erwin (even though Levi interacts with Hange more in canon than he does with Erwin)?

Also, I just think it's funny that Levi paints Erwin with Kenny's "slave" brush because he's still holding onto his childhood dream of finding something outside the Walls because that proves that he has nothing else to live for, while at the same time, he holds Armin up as an example of having long-terms dreams because of *looks at notes* "his childhood dream of finding something outside the Walls". ...huh. Like, seriously; does Levi (like so many fans) assume that once Erwin gets to that basement and finds whatever's in it, that he's just going to retire from the Survey Corps and spend the rest of his life beating off against a wall? And even if he did, so what? Does the poor man not deserve a break after having served in the military for at least 15 years (I'm not pulling that number out of my ass- that is, canonically, the minimal time Erwin has been a Scout)? Erwin Smith has done more for the betterment of Pardis than 99% of the people living there: if he wants Shignshina to be his final mission (and we all know he wouldn't- we know damn well he'd want to see the other people and other countries with his own eyes just like how he had to be the first person to see what was in the basement) then let him retire! Or is the point Isayama is trying to make "the lives of people who can offer nothing to society, either by choice (retirement) or circumstance (mental illness), are inherently worth less"?

TL;DR- if you aren't just blindly happy about Armin surviving (as if Armin has ever been in any danger at any point in the story from beginning to end), Midnight Sun reeeeaaally feels like a giant "Fuck You" to people dealing with depression and trauma. Erwin dying is not the issue- the way he died is the issue.

Do you think it was hypocritical of Levi to tell Eren "Don't let your feelings get in the way" and then five minutes later get sentimental and choose Armin because of, as he later admitted, his own reasons?

Anon, I doubt this was the answer you were expecting, but I don't think Levi would have chosen Armin at all unless it was because Isayama wanted Armin to have a big moment of being passed a mantle...

But answering your question, I don't think it was hypocritical, because despite wanting to chase after Zeke, he stopped to save Armin. Eren brings up Levi hesitating, but the fact that Levi even stopped for Armin and didn't focus on Zeke speaks more to responsibility than emotion to me.

When Mikasa is about to attack Floch, instead of using that moment to retaliate, or kick her off, Levi reacts to save Floch.

Having feelings is one thing. Letting them get in the way is another. They were soldiers. They swore to serve humanity. Levi had years of experience dealing with this, and he knew Eren was just a teenager who cared about his friends.

It's an unpopular opinion, I know, but the whole thing of either Erwin or Armin doesn't do much for me because it advances nothing about Erwin or Armin's character. We already knew Armin was intelligent. Erwin could have died in the suicide charge anyway.

Both Hange and Levi saying Armin wasn't the right choice only further makes me question why the scene even happened. It would have been the same if Armin got the injection and then they found out Erwin was alive too late. Or Erwin just died in the charge.

Armin being chosen didn't say anything new about him, didn't add to his character, didn't add to Erwin's character. It was an emotional episode, but that's about it for me.

Also why Armin survived against all odds makes me dislike that scene even more. I doubt even an Ackerman would survive what he experienced.

And Levi not choosing Erwin has never made sense to me, except that Isayama wanted Armin to take Erwin's place. I've heard all the reasons for Armin over Erwin, and none of them are points I think work, especially when by the time Armin gets the title of commander, it's sort of meaningless.

But getting to the point of Levi letting Erwin die is just against Levi's established character about doing everything for humanity. Levi was adamant that Erwin stay behind because humanity needed him. Just because Erwin was ridden with guilt doesn't mean the cure is death. Levi, no doubt, was exhausted himself. But he would never allow someone to let him die without fulfilling his goal of serving humanity.

Allowing Erwin to rest is problematic because it can be used for anyone dying. They're all exhausted, guilty, and traumatized. This was the first time we saw Erwin be vulnerable. Humans bounce back from a lot. Mikasa bounced back in season 1 when she thought Eren died.

Mikasa. I think it's one of the more powerful themes of the anime. The tenacity of humanity, to always push through despite all the pain and loss.

It would be more powerful for Erwin to have survived, discover his father was right, and then lead Paradis on the nearly impossible mission of defending itself against the world. That would surely make up for all the lives lost in his eyes.

And then someone could have told him that he wasn't a monster, and he wasn't selfish I'm so mad he died thinking so negatively about himself you could have at least let him have hope and believe in himself and then kill him off.

[shingekinosimpson]

You Had Me At B Minor: Chapter 9

First | Previous | Next

Pairing: Jean Kirschtein x Marco Bodt

Other relationships: Reibert, Springles, Historia x Ymir, Levi x Hange, a smidge of Jearmin

Rating: Mature

Summary: Jean's band needs a new bass player. Cue freckled Jesus.

Warnings/tags: Long fic, slow burn, Jean POV, friends to lovers, British AU with cannon locations, northern Jean, Unsigned band AU, nonbinary Armin, I promise there will be smut eventually! drinking, mentions of death, descriptions of domestic violence, panic attacks, see start of each chapter for more specific trigger warnings

******************************************************************  

Trigger warnings: Alcohol, Floch being a massive tool

I’m a little unsteady on my feet And carrying the world is overrated I fall to the curb You laughed 'til it hurts Who cares we've been here so many times We're all stumbling through the night It doesn't matter, we're all together And it's paradise in our minds Falling together, arms 'round each other

It’s a dumb thing to say and I know I sound like a total dork, but...texting Marco might be my new favourite thing. We text each other A LOT over the next few days, but the weird thing is, it isn’t weird in the slightest. Once we start it feels like we’ve been doing it forever. I’m proud to say I’m the one who got the ball rolling. After everything that happened on Wednesday night, I made damn fucking sure I reached out the second my sleep deprived brain was coherent enough.

HeresJeany:

Hey bud. You doing okay today? Hope you managed to get some sleep when you got home x

Yeah I know, a kiss on the end. If I had a fan club, I'm sure they’d be pissing their pants with excitement right now. I must have deleted and retyped it about five times before I said ‘fuck it’ and hit send. The message just didn’t feel right without it. And if he decided to rip on me for it, I wouldn’t care. I don’t care if he teases me - actually, I quite like it when he teases me.

I also got the gossip from Connie that same morning. He was up and looking super perky when I eventually rolled out of bed in search of some breakfast.

“Morning! D’you want a coffee?” he chirped.

I could tell last night had gone well – it was written all over his face - but when I pressed him for details on why he’d had an ‘amazing night’ he got very coy.

“You kiss her?”

“No, but she gave me a kiss on the cheek before she went home.”

“…Aaaaaaaand?”

“And nothing!” he chuckled. “Nothing else happened.”

“Connie c’mon. You’re grinning like a Cheshire fucking cat. What else?”

“Look I swear all I got was a peck on the cheek but…I dunno. We just, we had a really good night. I think she likes me too. I think…I think this might actually happen finally.”

“Really?”

He had shrugged his shoulders, but I knew he was ecstatic.

“I think so. I’m not rushing into anything - things are good the way they are now – but I’m not being an idiot either. I’m not pushing her away with mean jokes or playing games like I used to.”

“You mean you’ve finally realised being a stroppy little bitch isn’t exactly a turn on?”

“Hey!” He chucked a tea towel at my face. “Cheeky bastard! But yes. I’m just being straightforward, and things are…things are good.”

“Man. I can’t believe Sasha might finally give you a chance. You’ve been crushing on her for like, how long?

“Too long. Hey,” he smirked. “If Sasha and I finally get it together, you gonna try again with Mikasa?”

“Ha! Yeah right. She’d probably laugh in my face, which I guess is a step up from punching me in the face like the first time I tried it on with her.”

I’d felt weird in that moment, knowing I have this big crush on Marco and not telling Connie about it. I knew it was for the best – if no one knows then Marco can’t find out – but still, it didn’t sit well with me. I felt guilty for keeping it from Connie, but also a little down that Connie could talk about his crush and I had to keep mine a secret. I kind of wanted to talk about it.

“So, you lusting after anyone at the minute then?”

The words had barely left his mouth when my brain did a complete one-eighty and started freaking the fuck out.

Oh god no. I take it back. Please don’t ask me anything!

“You’ve not been on any Tinder dates for a while. Is nobody swiping right for my little Jeanbo?”

“N-nah,” I’d said in a fluster. “Doesn’t matter anyway. Once I get that uniform I’ll be beating them off with a stick.”

Pretty typical of me to deflect something with cockiness but thankfully, Connie took the bait and we started talking about my ever-closer start date – two weeks left to go.

Later that day, I had a reply from Marco waiting for me and we’ve text each other every day since. We started off reasonably civilised, but it didn’t take long for things to escalate into the ridiculous or just random shit we knew the other would like - he sent me a video of Chino Moreno singing with the Pumpkins captioned ‘the planets have aligned’, I responded with a gif of Ned Flanders screaming. I sent him a slideshow of baby sea otters I found on Instagram, he replied with a picture of himself with heart eyes that nearly made me spit my coffee out. He sent me a (weirdly brilliant) 80s remix of a Linkin Park song, I sent him a boomerang of me dancing like a twat.

Don’t get me wrong, we do actually talk in between all these daft pictures and videos. I just can’t help that my first thought when I see something funny is ‘I need to send this to Marco!’ and I really love the idea that he thinks the same thing about me.

I feel a little guilty today though. We were texting each other ‘til quite late last night even though I knew he was at work today. We somehow got onto the subject of Lord of the Rings and then fell down a huge rabbit hole about Frodo and Sam and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Yeah, I know - what a couple of nerds.

I woke up around 10 and sent him a text, apologising for keeping him up. I get a reply at lunchtime.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Hey! Don’t be daft. I’d say it was more my fault anyway. Sorry for keeping you awake with my nerdiness B-)

HeresJeany:

Dude I work in a bar, I’m used to late nights ;) What you doing with the kids at nursery today? Quantum physics and modern philosophy no doubt

ItsaMeeMarco:

We managed to cover quite a lot of that yesterday so we gave ourselves a break with a messy morning today

HeresJeany:

What the hell is a messy morning?

His next message is a picture with the caption ‘Well my pants now look like this so have a guess :p’

It’s a photo of one of his legs, stretched out, with a few red and green handprints smushed into the fabric of his joggers.

Is it wrong that I still think his leg looks sexy? Probably.

HeresJeany:

Haha! Hope you weren’t too attached to those pants

ItsaMeeMarco:

You should see the state of some of the kids. One literally painted himself top to toe and then lay down on a pile of cornflakes

HeresJeany:

Fucking hell that’s hilarious!

We send a few more messages back and forth while he’s on his lunch break and when his last one promises to text me later, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

_______________________________________________

On Tuesday night I’m working at the bar with Connie. My penultimate shift before I leave – a fact that Connie feels the need to mention constantly, before dramatically wailing and swooning like a Victorian lady. Oh, and when he’s not stage-crying, he’s using my impending departure as an excuse to Koala bear himself to my back.

“You’re leaving meeeeee!”

“Con, we live together. I’ll see you all the time.”

“No you won’t. You’re going to abandon me for all those hunky firemen!”

“We can hold him down and break his legs if you like son!” Pixis is sitting at the bar considering us with a cheeky twinkle in his eye. “I don’t know where I’ll go for a decent whisky sour when this one leaves,” he continues, gesturing to me with his empty glass.

“You’ve still got me!” Connie grins. “I’ll still be here to make you one.”

“Not a bloody chance! You always make them too sweet Mini-Springer.”

Connie releases me to defend himself, one hand on his hip, looking eerily like his mam. “The hell d’you mean I make them too sweet? You always bloody finish them so they can’t be that bad!”

“Yes, because I always pass it back to Jean when you’re not looking so he can fix it!”

Connie is absolutely agog, standing there like a guppy fish. Pixis and I crack up laughing.

“Wow. Okay. I see how it is,” he grumbles and shoots me with a glare of utter betrayal. It just makes me laugh even harder.

“Listen, you can stand there pouting about it, or you can help me Kathy Bates this son-of-a-bitch and keep him here!” Pixis laughs.

“Woah, okay listen. I’m sure there’s a way we can do this without smashing my ankles to pieces. How about I teach Connie to make it the way you like?”

Connie scoffs next to me.

“Hmm.” Pixis narrows his eyes as he considers my proposal. “Go on then. Let’s give it a try.”

I turn to Connie with the smuggest grin and pat him on the shoulder.

“Oh please, oh great one! Teach me how to make the holiest of whiskey sours. It’s not like I’ve been making them for SEVEN YEARS OR ANYTHING!” he cries, throwing the last words at Pixis.

I ignore Connie spitting his dummy out and start mixing up the drink. “Look, it’s nothing fancy. He just likes more bitters and less syrup. Pass me that lemon juice.”

I finish up and pour the liquid over just the right amount of ice.

“Cubes, not crushed or I’ll crush you!” Connie mocks in his best Pixis voice.

“Heard that!” Pixis retorts.

“Here,” I say to Connie. “Have a try.” He dips his straw and puts a finger over the end to suck up a sample. “Taste the difference?”

He nods pensively with the straw in his mouth. “Mmm. Okay I think I got it.”

I pass Pixis the drink while Con has a go at replicating it, sliding it in front of Pixis’ nose moments later.

“It’s on the house,” he grins, batting his eyelashes.

Pixis looks at the glass suspiciously and takes a sip. “Hmm, the fact that it’s free may be clouding my judgement but…that don’t taste too bad son.”

“Yes!” Connie cries in triumph.

I bow and mime taking a crown off my head. “I hereby pass the whiskey sour crown to you Sir Springer. Use it well.”

Pixis has all but drained Connie’s drink and slams the glass down with a satisfied ‘Aaah!’

“Can I make you another P-Dog?” Connie asks.

“Easy now. If you two buggers keep plying me with free drinks, I’m liable to go soft and start doling out money for your wedding again.”

Connie’s eyes go wide. “You remember that!?” he says aghast.

“I remember everything,” Pixis smirks with a tap of the temple and a wiggle of his moustache. “C’mon then, you courting her yet or what?”

“Yeah Con, you courting her yet or what?” I parrot.

“Piss off you!”

The smug smile drops from my face when the little bastard reaches out and twists my left nipple.

“OWWW JESUS!” I squeal, slapping him with a cloth.

After a few more eye-for-an-eye acts of retaliation, Connie tells Pixis about his date night, who in turn, regales us with tales of great loves lost and won over the years. He even brings up his wife, who he rarely talks about. It’s not difficult to understand why when an uneasy mix of pain and tenderness crosses over his features. It’s about ten years since she passed, or so I’ve been told, but it clearly still affects him deeply.

He finishes telling us a story of how the little caravan they honeymooned in got loose and rolled downhill into a ditch while they were ‘consummating shall we say.’ Connie and I are both crying with laughter by the end, picturing the look on the face of the helpful dog walker who looked through the window to check they were okay.

Pixis barks an infectious cackle before growing solemn again.

“I know we talk a lot of nonsense lads, but if there’s one sensible piece of advice I could give you, it would be this: If you find someone special, someone that gives you strength you never knew you needed, hold them close…and don’t take your time together for granted, because you never know when that precious time will suddenly run out.”

My heart contracts at his words and it takes me a beat to realise my hand has reached into my pocket, where my phone should be, my fingers stroking absentmindedly across the rough fabric of my jeans.

“Well, that’s enough soppy bullshit for one evening!” Pixis cries, jolting me from my wistful thoughts. “Mini-Spring! Tell us something silly before we all wither away in despair!”

“Erm…Ooo! I made friends with a squirrel the other day!”

“Of course you did. Tell me all about it!”

I decide to take my first break and leave them to it. I hate to say it, but I miss Marco and I want to see if he’s texted me.

Urrrrrgh! Just admitting how needy I am makes me squirm.

I jiggle the key in my locker and open it. Connie’s mam has always been super strict about phones behind the bar - a rule we respect even when she’s not here. It’s one of the few things I’ve known her be deadly serious about.

“No self-respecting son of mine is going to put our customers off by being an anti-social, candy crush loving…bloody…app-for-that worshipper! And that goes double for you Jean!”

“What!? Why double for me?”

Marco and I last text at lunch today, but you’d think it had been weeks the way my heart giddy ups against my ribcage when I see a new message from him.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Sooooo guess what my mum brought home today

Very random. I have no idea what the hell he’s on about…but I fucking love it! It’s exactly the kind of message you would send to your favourite person without even thinking about it. Not that I’m delusional enough to think I’m Marco’s favourite person, but I can pretend…

HeresJeany:

I hope for your sake it was a family size pack of Jaffa Cakes

His reply comes through. A picture.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

It’s a kitten. Marco’s got a fucking kitten. Black with white paws and a white chin and possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

HeresJeany:

asfkslkdjkldjsjhdskfj!!!!@@

ItsaMeeMarco:

Haha! Right?

HeresJeany:

How have you got a kitten????

ItsaMeeMarco:

Well technically she’s Mia’s. Mum thought it would help with her anxieties. She surprised us both with her today.

HeresJeany:

What's she called?

ItsaMeeMarco:

Mia’s called her Katniss

HeresJeany:

Brilliant

I’m so jealous. If it wasn’t for Connie being allergic, I definitely would have got myself a cat by now.

We used to have a cat, my mam and me. Lucy. We got her when I was 5. She was tiny, but she was a little scrapper - she’d send big Tom cats running for their life if they so much as looked at our garden - but she was also super playful and affectionate. One of her favourite things to do was fall asleep on my chest. Even if I was already asleep, she’d jump on my bed and nudge my nose until I held up the blanket for her to come under and snuggle down. We fucking loved her. She left a big hole when we lost her. She had a good innings though; seventeen when she died which is pretty good going for a cat.

And now one of my friends has a frickin’ kitten. I need to think of a way to get myself invited over to Marco’s. Like, I NEED this furball in my life.

HeresJeany:

Not to sound too dramatic but if you don’t let me have a playdate with her I might actually die

Okay. Not exactly subtle, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Haha! I’m not busy tomorrow night if you wanna come over?

Well that was easy. Shame I’m working tomorrow.

HeresJeany:

Can’t :(   I’ve got my last shift at Springers tomorrow. Will you be in on Thursday?

ItsaMeeMarco:

Yeah but aren’t you at practice on Thursday?

Shit that’s right. Marco’s babysitting but Connie, Eren and I all agreed to practice on Thursday night. Would it be bad of me to ditch? Probably. But then again there’s a kitten on the line here so how could I not?

HeresJeany:

New rule. You’re allowed to ditch practice for kittens

ItsaMeeMarco:

Ha! Okay sure. I’m keeping an eye on Mia but I’m up for a bit of company if you don’t mind?

HeresJeany:

Yeah sounds great what time do you want me?

ItsaMeeMarco:

My mum’s going out around 7 but come over whenever :)

_______________________________________________

I rumble down the road towards Marco’s house, hitting the odd pothole here and there. This is by no means a rough part of Trost but being mostly rental housing means it’s an odd mix of students, shared houses and families hoping to get on the property ladder, so no one feels the need to spend money keeping up their home’s exterior.

My car purrs to a stop as I pull in next to a bay window set back from a low brick wall. Marco’s house looks a lot more inviting than the rest; it’s original art-deco tiles gleam in front of a navy-blue door, flanked on either side by pots of bright daffodils. It’s a nice touch.

As I jump out and lock my car, I check my watch – nearly half seven. I’d like to say I’m late because I didn't want to seem too eager, but in truth I was stressing over my clothes.

I know, standard Jean.

It’s really hard to look good but also like you’ve made no effort okay! I decided to play it safe in the end and put my big hoody on under my denim jacket. Dressing up just to hang at his house would look a bit suspicious.

I push the doorbell and fiddle with my sleeves while I wait. My stomach rockets into my throat when the front door clicks.

“Hi!” Marco swings the door open and fucking beams at me with that big dorky smile of his. He looks so genuinely pleased to see me. Honestly, it makes me a little weak at the knees and I wonder how I’ve survived the past few days without seeing that face in person.

“Hey! You alright?”

I made a good call with the hoody – Marco’s not dressed up in the slightest, just grey joggers and a well-worn, black Nirvana t-shirt. I don’t know if that’s worse though, he looks kind of…cuddly.

“Good thanks. Come on in.”

He moves to the side but I still have to squeeze past him to get in the house. Not quite close enough to touch, but almost.

“Kettle’s just boiled. You want a cup of tea?” he asks as I follow him down the hallway.

“Yeah please. You want a hand?”

“Nah you’re good, make yourself at home.” He gestures through an open door to my right and I step through. “Milk and sugar?” he calls.

“Yeah, one sugar please.”

The living room’s a decent size, running the length of the house. There’s a dining area towards the back and seating area at the front, with two mismatched sofas and a comfy looking chair I can imagine causes many an argument over who gets to sit in it.

My eyes study the smaller sofa in the bay window, distracted by the fact that there’s a small clothes rail next to it. Odd place to have one.

Moving closer, I recognise one of the shirts hanging on it. It's the black and polka dot one from Marco's first gig. Wait, all of these clothes are Marco's. Why would he-

"Hey Marco are you-? Oh hi."

I nearly jump a friggin’ mile when Mia swings round the doorway, another girl looking over her shoulder to see who's in the room.

"Hey. Err, Marco's in the kitchen."

"Oh okay," she says flatly, grabbing her friend by the arm and tugging her away.

I debate following them to see if Marco needs any help, but the not-so-coy smile Mia's friend throws me over her shoulder makes me rethink that plan.

“Jesus Charlie be more obvious why don’t you?” Mia scolds as they walk down the hallway.

“What? I can’t help it if he’s fit!”

Oh jeez.

“Are you seriously victim blaming the poor guy for being attractive?”

“No I just meant-"

The kitchen door closes and I (thankfully) don’t hear the rest of the conversation.

While I wait for Marco, I check out the bunch of photographs perched on the mantel piece. Baby Marco has to be here somewhere...BINGO! Third from the end is a picture of a chubby, freckled baby. He’s sitting in blue dungarees clapping his hands with a look of sheer joy on his face – eyes bright, gummy mouth wide open.

I grin wickedly and take a sneaky picture on my phone – I’m sure I’ll find a hilarious use for that at a later date. Another picture catches my eyes and I snort. Oh my god. It’s Marco in fancy dress as Billie Joe Armstrong! At least I think so - I suppose it’s entirely possible Marco used to wear all black with a red tie and eyeliner for real. A tiny Mia dressed as a pumpkin is stood next to him, not looking at the camera, just staring up adoringly at her big brother with the biggest smile.

At first I think it’s cute, but as I study the picture a little closer, I find there's something, I dunno…off. It’s like I’m not really looking at Marco. The tell-tale freckles and dark hair are there, but the boy in this photograph has a different aura about him. At first glance, you'd assume he’s a typical awkward teenager who hates having their photo taken, but there's something else in his eyes. A subdued look...a sadness.

I barely register I've picked up the frame to look at the picture more closely. Then I spot it. He's trying to hide it by tucking his arm behind him, but it's just visible below his elbow. A bright orange cast. This must have been taken not long after he broke his arm…or rather, after his dad broke his arm.

A huge, jagged rock drops to the pit of my stomach, making me wince. When Marco was describing his past, I could only imagine it, which was heart breaking enough. Now, the reality is staring back me. A mixture of anger and grief prickles over me and I put the frame down with a sad sigh.

The next photograph, thankfully, tugs a smile from my mouth, and I breathe a little easier taking in three freckled faces.

It's a much more recent photograph of Marco with his mam and his sister. His mam’s half screaming, half laughing, while his sister lies across her lap striking a ridiculous pose. Marco's wrapping his arms tightly around his mam’s shoulders from behind, his face flushed and grinning wildly.

Warmth spreads through my chest. Looking at Marco and his family here, you'd have absolutely no idea about the hell they've been through. You can feel the joy and the love they have for each other. A perfect moment captured forever, showing how far they've come.

They're not victims. Even the word ‘survivors’ doesn't do them justice. They're fucking superheroes.

“Hey, here’s your tea.” I turn to see Marco padding towards me with two steaming mugs. “Having a good laugh at my expense are we?” he smirks nodding at the rows of pictures.

“Maybe. You look good in dungarees,” I say jostling him in the shoulder. He just laughs. I point towards the one with his mam and sister. “I like this one. You guys look hilarious here.”

"Yeah," Marco chuckles softly. "That was at my uncle's birthday party when we'd just moved here."

As I turn, my eyes fall on the weird rail and sofa arrangement again. “Hey how come all your clothes are down here? Doesn’t that get a bit annoying?”

“Oh, well…” He scratches the back of his neck. “This is…kind of my room.”

“What? How come?”

He shuffles over to the sofa and sits down. I take it as my cue to join him.

“Well when we moved here all of the three-bedroom places were way more expensive and it seemed pointless paying for it when I knew I’d be looking to move out in a few months so I offered to just crash on the sofa bed.”

Oh Marco. Could he be anymore selfless? I’d lose my fucking mind if I didn’t have my own space.

“Aw man. That must suck in the short term though. I’d go mental if I had to stay in my mam’s living room.”

“Yeah it’s a bit annoying at times but Mum and Mia are pretty good about leaving me alone. And we have a system for when I’m getting changed.”

“A system?”

“Yeah I basically just yell ‘I’m having Nakey Times!’ and then they know not to come in.”

I throw my head back and laugh. Nakey Times, brilliant.

“I might start using that system with Connie. I’ve seen his arse way more times than anyone should ever have to.”

Our laughter is interrupted by a loud tinkling noise that has me seriously wondering why the fuck Santa would be riding his sleigh through Marco’s house of all places, but then I see an excited little furball skipping into the room.

OH. MY. GOD.

No words. There are no words to describe how adorable this cat is.

“Hey little pudding!” Marco chirps, leaning down to greet her.

“Oh my god she’s so fucking cute,” I gush holding my cheeks like a total dweebus, already completely in love.

She sniffs at Marco’s fingers, her little tongue peeping out for just a second, before stepping forward to investigate my shoes. Her paw starts batting at a loose lace and I try not to combust.

“Hey gorgeous!” I squeak, bending low to tickle her head. I chuckle as she stops to press her nose to the end of my finger. Then she jumps up to investigate my denim jacket slung over the arm of the sofa.

“Oh my god. I actually love her.”

Marco laughs, a gorgeous musical chuckle. “Worth missing band practice for then?”

My mouth says, “Yeah definitely!” but I feel a horrible twist of guilt. I made up some bullshit about seeing my mam tonight instead of telling Eren and Connie the truth. One, because I knew they’d be pissed, but two, because I don’t want them to realise I’m not just here for a kitten.

“Oh have you eaten? I was gonna stick a pizza and some chips in the oven if you wanna share?” Marco asks.

“Yeah thanks, pizza sounds good.”

_______________________________________________

After sorting things out in the kitchen, we settle down on the sofa and Marco starts flicking through the TV guide.

“So how was your last shift at the bar?”

“Yeah good thanks, though my sides hurt from Connie squeezing me so hard. Also, his mam cried.”

“Aw that’s so cute! Love Connie’s mum. She was so funny when I was talking to her at our gig.”

“Yeah she’s great. I’ll miss seeing her as often.”

Marco scrolls through the guide before blindsiding me with the comment, “Aw yes! The Greatest Showman’s on!”

I cock an eyebrow at him. Oooookay. Did not expect Marco to be into musicals. He sees the disapproval in my face and quirks a smile at me, like he’s ready to fight me on this. I’m really starting to love how genuine he is around me. A few weeks ago, he probably would have blushed and smiled awkwardly at his dorky film preference – now he couldn’t care less.

“What?” he says with an air of challenge. “You gonna sit there and tell me you don’t like The Greatest Showman.”

“Never seen it.”

“You’ve never seen it? The hell is wrong with you!?”

I metaphorically bite my knuckle with a nnggh! Why do I find it so hot when he teases me?

“The hell is wrong with me?” I retort, fisting my hand in the cushion next to me. BOOF! “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He grabs a cushion before I have a chance to stop him. We smack each other in the face a few times amongst bouts of laughter. He eventually backs down and calls truce.

“Okay okay enough!” he laughs breathlessly, and when he sweeps a hand through the hair that’s fallen in front of his face, I notice the crinkles at the corners of his eyes – my favourite type of Marco smile. “Well we definitely have to watch it if you’ve never seen it.” He picks the remote back up. “And even if you don’t like it, we can at least perv on Zac Efron.”

Zac Efron? Really?

"Yeah he’s err, not really my type."

"What buff with a ridiculously handsome face?"

I almost look Marco up and down and say 'You’ve got me there!' but hold back. Bit inappropriate.

"Whenever I hear the name ‘Zac Efron’ I always picture him in High School Musical with that awful hair,” I grumble.

He scrolls to the right channel and selects it. “Okay wait ‘til you see how hot he looks in this.”

“Marco, I really don’t think I’m go- Oooookay yes he’s rather attractive.”

If you ask me, Zac Efron should always wear a tight shirt and waistcoat, because Lord have mercy. Boy’s came a long way since his Wildcat days.

“Told you! Yes, it’s up to a good bit. Watch the barman!”

I do enjoy the barman. I tell Marco about the messes Connie and I have gotten ourselves into, trying to do tricks like that at Springer’s. His laughter is infectious. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearing it.

"Have I sold you on Zac Efron then?”

“…Maybe. Still not sure who I’d choose between him and Zendaya though.”

“Told you,” he grins, finishing off his tea. “So you know how you said he’s not your type?”

“Yeah?”

“Who is your type?"

Oh god. This could open up a whole can of worms Marco! Seriously, is he trying to make me flustered and slip up here!?

Well no, obviously not because you’re friends so just answer like you would with anyone else.

Trouble is, when I think about my past crushes, I find I don't really have a 'type' - raven-haired Mikasa, sweet and waif-like Armin, tall, strong (and painfully straight) Joe from my old job, fair but fierce Hitch...

"I don't think I have one really...I find all kinds of people hot. Like, the other week, I finally got round to watching Call Me By Your Name, and I couldn't decide who I wanted more out of Armie and Timmy, and they couldn’t be more different."

“Oh my god I love that movie! They're both so hot aren't they?"

"Yeah so hot...I guess I have a bit of a thing for people with tattoos or piercings, but that's about it."

He nods, placing his cup down on the coffee table.

"Hey I keep meaning to ask,” he says cocking his head to one side. “Do you have any tattoos?"

A wicked thought flashes through my mind and before I can stop myself, I'm grinning and lifting up my top to show off my chest piece – the white pony from my favourite Deftones album with a pair of wings spreading out across my pecs, surrounded by black and white florals. If Marco thinks I don't notice his eyes widen, he's sorely mistaken (hehe) but he composes himself quickly and leans forward for a closer look.

"Oh wow! That's really cool! Did you design it?"

"Nah I just knew I wanted the white pony. My tattoo artist whipped up the rest."

"Did it hurt? Having your chest done?"

His breath just manages to tickle my skin and I break out in goose bumps. Kind of regretting my decision to show off - now I'm the one trying to compose myself. 

"The bit in the middle was a bitch but the rest wasn't too bad."

"Marco, does Floch know you're looking at other guy's tits?"

Jesus fuck!

I hadn't noticed Mia standing in the doorway. Marco jumps a fucking mile as I yank my shirt back down and turn roughly the same colour as a beetroot.

Well, that little show of audacity backfired quickly!

"Christ Mia! You scared the hell out of me! And I wasn't doing anything! We were just talking about tattoos!"

She cocks her head to the side as she looks at me. Gulp. “Why you got a horse on your chest?”

“It’s a pony. ‘S from an album.”

"Mmhmm. Okay pony boy," she smirks as she turns to leave, clearly pleased with how flustered we both are. “Hope you’re keeping your tits under wraps Marco. No shenanigans!” she calls back down the hall.

"Stop saying tits!" Marco yells after her.

"TITS!" she shouts.

It's cruel, but I can't help but burst out laughing at that point, spluttering at the exasperated look on Marco's face.

“Shit,” Marco says looking at me nervously.

“What?”

“She must’ve smelled our pizza! Quick before she nabs it!”

_______________________________________________

I behave myself while we watch the remainder of the movie, though Mia doesn’t. I shit myself for the second time that night when her and her friend burst into the living room during ‘This Is Me', singing at the top of their lungs and holding wigs to their faces for beards. Even Katniss toddles in to see what all the fuss is about – cue me ignoring the film so I can play with her/take a ludicrous amount of pictures.

All the attention I give her pays off though. Near the end of the film she wakes from the spot she’s made on the comfy chair, walks over to the sofa and jumps up on my knee.

“Oh my god,” I whisper to Marco. He smiles sweetly, watching her turn in circles before settling down. “I’ve been chosen!”

“She’s taken to you very easily.” He rests his head on the back of the sofa. “My aunty was here yesterday and Katniss kept ignoring her. She was like, ‘Why won’t you let me love you!?’ It was so funny.”

It’s not particularly late but there’s a sleepy, almost dreamy quality to the way he looks now. I’m drawn like a moth to a flame, right back to those beautiful eyelashes I’ve admired so often – casting tiny shadows over his soft features.

I think this is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him. It’s so good to see, and not just because of how gorgeous he looks, but because of how rough a time he’s been having recently.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“...This sounds serious.”

“It is.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Do you curl your eyelashes?”

He splutters before wheezing with laughter. Katniss' ears twitch at the sound but she doesn’t stir.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he giggles.

“What? I’m serious! They’re so long and dark its unnatural!”

“Yeah I thought you were about to ask me something actually serious you weirdo!”

I love this. I love how silly this is. I love his laughter.

We chuckle together a little longer. Katniss doesn’t seem to mind the movement and purrs when I start scratching her ear.

“While we’re on the subject though, we can talk about something more...serious...if you need to.”

He may not want to, and that’s fine, but I promised myself I wouldn’t leave here tonight without asking how things are, how things really are. I need him to know that he can, that last week wasn’t a one-off, that he can come to me anytime he needs to, and I won’t feel awkward about it.

“Well actually…I had an argument with Floch last night that’s been making me feel a bit shitty.”

Oh.

“Sorry I know you probably didn’t mean relationship stuff! We don’t have to talk about it. It’s fine.”

Even if it means hearing things I know will hurt me, because his wellbeing is more important than my stupid infatuation.

“No don’t be daft! C’mon tell me what happened.”

He studies my face for any trace of ‘just being polite’ but continues when he doesn’t find any.

“Okay well…it’s not that big a deal really. I mean…we patched things up and it’s better now but, I dunno…I feel bad.”

“Why do you feel bad?”

This better be good. Like he better have ran over Floch’s grandma or something because if he’s made sweet, kind, beautiful Marco feel bad over nothing I will hunt that fucker down.

“So yesterday, I’d had a bad day. Work had been a bit crap and it had set my anxiety off so I wasn’t in the best headspace. Anyway, he’d text me that morning asking if I wanted to come to the cinema with his friends. I’d said yes at the time but later on, the thought was really starting to panic me. Like, I don’t know them very well and I’d felt really on edge all day and I just wasn’t feeling up to it, so I made up an excuse that I didn’t feel well and asked if we could just hang out at his place instead.”

I get it. I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety these days, but I remember that sickly feeling when you know you have to go into work or meet someone and it takes all your energy to get through it. Guilt twists in my gut when I remember Marco had originally asked if I was free last night. If I had been, then maybe I could’ve helped.

“Floch was pretty pissed off about changing things at the last minute but he went along with it. We hung out at his and I felt better...but then I got a message from Mia. She was really upset and asked me to come home, so I had to leave. We got into a big argument and I got really defensive about Mia, but it wasn’t his fault. He was just annoyed that I’d changed our plans and then I ended up having to go home anyway.”

What a fucking child. Like could he seriously not read between the lines and realise something was up? I try to keep my voice even.

“Does Floch not know? About Mia and...” I don’t want to say ‘your dad’ - the bastard isn’t worthy of the title – but I suppose saying ‘that shit stain of a human being’ wouldn’t be appropriate either. “...everything.”

“No. He doesn’t know. I’ve wanted to tell him but, I’ve never found the right moment and then yesterday…” He huffs and runs a hand through his hair. “I should have told him then. It would have explained why I was acting so weird.”

“So…what held you back?”

As much as I hate Floch, he is Marco’s boyfriend. Marco should be able to lean on him for these kinds of things. Yeah, he’s got me, but I can’t give Marco everything he needs, as much as I want to.

“I dunno…We’ve been together a while now, but a few months isn’t really that long in the grand scheme of things. I guess I’m just worried about scaring him off. We don’t really talk about serious stuff.”

There’s something about the way he says this that angers me. I have to wonder how many times Marco’s needed to talk about ‘serious stuff’ recently and he hasn’t been able to. Why can’t he talk to Floch? Why does he feel like he would scare him off if he did? If I’ve picked up on those moments where Marco hasn’t been himself or has had something on his mind, then surely Floch has. Why hasn’t Floch asked him about it? Why hasn’t he given Marco that small push to open up and trust him?

If you’re serious about being with someone, surely you would want to learn more about them - the good and the bad. If someone is willing to share in your happy moments, they should be more than willing to share in your pain too. And if they can't be there when you need help picking up the pieces, they don't fucking deserve to.

I so desperately want to tell Marco this, for him to understand that he deserves better, but in my current agitated state the best I can manage is, "Marco, he’s your boyfriend. You should be able to talk to him about anything. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, if he cares about you, he should want to know.”

“Yeah I know... I guess you’re right. I should tell him. Thanks Jean.”

Typical. I wanted to show Marco it's not right that he doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to Floch and I end up giving him good relationship advice.

“Don’t mention it. It’s what I’m here for.”

“Oh I nearly forgot, I got you something!”

He what?

“You what?”

“Hang on.”

He gets up and walks to the sofa bed, digs around behind it and then pulls out a brown paper bag.

“What’s this?”

“Just something I saw and thought of you. It’s nothing big! I just wanted to say thank you for last week and…everything.”

My heart is threatening to smash out of my ribcage like a fucking juggernaut. He saw something and thought of me. He bought me something to say thank you.

“You didn’t have to,” I say blushing. It comes out a little too breathless.

“I know,” he replies with an amused smile. “I wanted to.”

I blush even darker and reach into the brown paper bag. My fingers clasp around something solid and I pull out a book. It’s a rich, dark blue, covered in ethereal sketches of various beings and creatures.

‘What we see in the stars: An illustrated tour of the night sky.’

Oh my god.

“Sooo it’s all about space, obviously, but it’s mainly about the stars and constellations! I thought it might inspire you to learn more about the stories they were named for.”

He leans over and opens it, so excited to share what’s inside, while I sit here dumbfounded.

Marco…

Something in my chest begins to blossom, spreading outwards, wrapping its tendrils around my heart and squeezing in the most agonisingly beautiful way.

He babbles on while I flick through the pages, looking anywhere but him for fear of what he might see in my face, but then the fact that I haven’t spoken for what feels like an eternity must start to make him feel uneasy.

“Sorry,” he says blushing. “I know this is probably the nerdiest gift you’ve ever gotten.”

“No, Marco this is…wow. Thank you.”

It’s a strange feeling, knowing such a small gesture can make my heart sing like this, striking chords in my heart I haven’t heard before. And I don’t mean a simple chorus, I mean full on crescendo, like the climactic screech of a guitar solo. It’s as if Jimmy Hendrix himself is back from the dead and has taken up residence in my aorta.

And then he smiles at me, my favourite crinkly-eyed smile, and it’s like all the stars and magic have leapt from the pages of his gift, right onto his beautiful face.

“S’alright. What are mates for?”

Friend-zoned once again, but it still doesn’t hurt. How could it? How could it when I’m holding what is quite possibly the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received? Let me be friend-zoned, because if this is what it’s like, I’ll take it. Yes he’s breaking my heart, but in all the right ways and I will happily glue it back together just to let him obliterate it over and over.

_______________________________________________

I stay for a couple more hours, our conversation flowing easily, but when Marco yawns like a bear for the third time in twenty minutes I decide I should let the poor guy get some sleep.

“Sorry, I got up pretty early this morning and it’s catching up with me.”

“No worries sleeping beauty. Hey d’you want a hand with the bed?” I ask nodding at the sofa.

“Hmm? Oh! No don’t worry I got it.”

“Nah c’mon let me help. I’m kinda curious to see how it works.”

He tries and fails to stifle a yawn again and I can’t help but smile. It’s really cute. “Alright then, thanks. Just chuck the cushions wherever.”

After carefully removing Katniss from my lap, we each grab a bit of the metal frame and heave it out. The mattress seems way too thin to be comfortable. I sit down and give it an experimental bounce. Katniss jumps up to have a nosey too.

“Shit man, how do you sleep on this?”

“Oi! I don’t come to your house and bitch about your bed!”

He shoves me in the shoulder and I flop backwards onto the mattress with a chuckle. He sits next to me, and for a moment, I kid myself that I’m in some romantic movie, that any second now our eyes will lock and he’ll know. He’ll know and he’ll lean down and kiss me.

He doesn’t. He just re-tucks the sheet that’s came away from the corner.

“I’m used to it by now. And I usually just throw on some extra blankets to make it softer.”

He gets up and grabs a duvet and some pillows from behind the sofa, plopping them down onto the mattress. I fluff up one of his pillows, placing it down gently on the side nearest to me and find myself wondering which side of the bed Marco sleeps on.

Katniss settles down on top of it and starts cleaning herself.

“Hey have you played the blanket game yet?” I ask.

“The what game?”

I smirk and drop to the floor, sliding my hand under the blanket and moving it up and down to catch Katniss’ attention. She spots it and freezes, watching intensely before her pupils blow as wide as saucers and she launches herself. I swipe my hand and she scrabbles around on the blanket before pouncing again.

“Oh my god!” Marco laughs.

“I’ve never met a cat who didn’t go batshit crazy for the blanket game. Be careful if you do it with just a sheet though, because she WILL rip your hand off.”

“Let me try.”

My breath hitches as Marco slides his arm under the blanket with mine. I retract my hand quickly, startled by how warm and soft his freckled skin felt. I watch as he plays with Katniss, sweeping his hand left to right and laughing every time she misses.

God he’s adorable.

He gives in eventually and lets her attack the lump where his hand is.

“Ow fuck!” he takes his hand out and gives it a shake. “How the hell did her claws get through the blanket!?”

“Ow fuck!” he takes his hand out and gives it a shake. “How the hell did her claws get through the blanket!?”

I laugh at his expense but stop when something dawns on me. I’m so fucking dense – why didn’t I think of this before?

“Listen I’ve just thought. If you’re looking for your own space, I’m pretty sure Eren’s in need of a roommate.”

His sleepy eyes perk up at that. “Really?”

“Yeah the last one moved out a few months ago and I think he’s getting a bit sick of paying all the rent on his own. You should ask him.”

“Yeah. That would be good!”

“And…I know you’ve got Floch but if you ever need some space and want to come over, me and Connie are always down for playing Fifa or something. Stay over even…if you like.”

“Okay, thanks. I might take you up on that.”

“Course…but definitely ask Eren in the meantime. Maybe have a chat on Saturday when we’re out.”

“Oh, I can’t come on Saturday.”

What!

“Aw why?”

“Mum’s had a night out with her friends planned for ages and I promised I’d stay in to keep an eye on Mia so she can enjoy herself.”

Aw man. I was really looking forward to hanging out with Marco on Saturday - having a drink and a dance and just generally being silly together. But then I think about trying to do all that with Floch constantly at his side and I’m relieved. I much prefer hanging out with Marco when it’s just the two of us and I don’t have to worry about his dick boyfriend pissing me off. Maybe not seeing him on Saturday will be good for me. I can just hang out with my friends and forget about my aching heart for a while.

“Aw that’s shit…Just make sure you’re free for the next one okay?”

“Okay I will.”

I move to grab my denim jacket and sling it on over my shoulders. “Right I’m gonna head off and let you get some sleep.”

“Thanks for coming over,” Marco smiles.

“Thanks for having me. I just need one more kitten cuddle for the road.”

Katniss is sat on Marco’s bed cleaning herself again but doesn’t object when I pick her up and cradle her to my chest. “God I so wanna take her home!” I give her a cheeky smooch on the head and plop her back down.

“Oh god Jean, you’ve got cat hair all over you!”

He starts brushing his hand against my chest to get them off and I die on the spot.

"Oh! Er..."

Apparently, someone has switched my brain with a sweet potato because I'm incapable of forming a coherent sentence. But I don't think anyone can hold that against me when his fucking hand is rubbing down my chest and stomach!

My body tenses, scared of how much I could enjoy this if I let myself.

"God sorry," he says letting his hand drop. "I'm like a mother hen, aren't I?"

He smiles sheepishly and I hate myself for making him think it made me uncomfortable. Then again, the alternative wouldn't be so great either.

No Marco, the truth is when you touch me, I simultaneously freeze on the spot and melt into you. I need you to stop, but I hate it when you do.

I force a laugh to keep things light-hearted and head for the front door.

"Well if you're that way inclined, feel free to come over to do my washing and bitch at me to tidy my room."

"Ha. At least you've got a room!"

"Alright don't make me get my tiny violin out."

He shoves me playfully and my stomach somersaults.

Yeah, I should definitely get going.

The cool night air bites a little against my face when he opens the door for me and I tug my denim jacket closer. Marco's only in a t-shirt and wraps his hands around his biceps, gripping and rubbing them gently, the tattoo on one side flashing between his fingers.

"...Jean?"

Fuck I'm staring at his arms!

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Sorry I just zoned out! Think I'm ready for bed too. Ha."

I give him my best awkward smile and search his face for any signs of being creeped out. Lucky for me, he seems more amused than anything else.

"I said have fun on Saturday."

"Oh right! It's shit you can't come mind."

"You sure you can cope without me?"

The cheeky smile he throws me makes me swoon and I can hear my brain screaming at me to leave before I embarrass myself.

"I'll do my best. Alright catch you later."

I know I should be walking to the car right now, but my legs refuse to move. I really want to hug him before I go, like last time. This isn't like last time though. I can't just assume we're always going to hug because we did after one emotionally charged night.

"Alright see you."

He doesn't move either. Why isn't he moving? He must be freezing.

Maybe he’s just being polite. I'll go. I don't want him catching cold.

"Err, excuse me! Where do you think you're going without a hug? I'm not standing here freezing my nips off for nothing!"

Before I can fully comprehend what's happening, he clasps a hand around my shoulder and pulls me towards him. My arms reach around his waist like it's the most natural thing in the world, while my brain becomes incapable of doing anything other than repeating the phrase ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

We both draw back with a chuckle and huge grins on our faces.

We both draw back with a chuckle and huge grins on our faces.

"Alright, get back inside you goon."

"Send me some pictures tomorrow night of what you guys get up to."

"Will do mate. Night."

"Night."

I hurry down the path and give him one last wave before he shuts the door. Once I'm seated in the car, I have to take a moment to catch my breath and get over my giddiness. My face is starting to hurt from smiling so wide. I give my cheeks a rub and shake my head at myself.

C'mon you lovesick idiot, you need to drive home.

I replay the evening over and over in my head on the drive back; images of Marco I've committed to memory playing like a slideshow. It doesn't take long for my elation to give way to melancholy though, and by the time I turn the engine off outside the flat, I'm flip-flopping between heart-wrenching pining and hatred at myself for letting things get this far.

Is it going to be like this every time we spend time together? Is it seriously going to hurt this much every time I walk away? I look down at the book on the passenger seat and run my fingers over the cover. It's starting to scare me, how hard I'm finding it to shake this off...I like him so much.

I know I need to stop this. But how? I don't even know where to begin.

_______________________________________________

“Jean! Get your skinny arse in the car!”

“Alright, alright!”

I finish locking the front door and jog over to the Uber. The front seat’s free but I squeeze in next to Connie and Sasha in the back just to be a pain.

“Move your arse Con, I can’t find my belt!”

“Yes you can. You’re just using that as an excuse to feel me up! Aah!”

They both squeal as I squash Connie into Sasha so I can strap myself in.

“This is a space safe Jean. You can admit you’re feeling desperate enough to feel Connie’s arse.”

“What’s desperate about wanting to feel my arse!?”

“I’m not desperate!”

“Okay when was the last time you got some action?” Sasha smirks.

“Like…two weeks ago!”

“No! Hitch doesn’t count! OWW!”

I thump Connie on the arm.

“No he’s right. Hook ups with exes don’t count. We definitely need to find you a man and-or lady friend tonight!”

“I knew I should’ve got in the first taxi.”

“You love us really.”

“Yeah Jean, we just want you to be happy!”

The shit-eating grins on these two, I swear to god. They know fine well they’re winding me up.

“I’ll be happy when you stop talking about my sex life you pervs!”

It only takes us fifteen minutes to get into town. Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Historia are already at the bar ordering drinks when we arrive. There’s a decent spot free with an eclectic mix of chairs, stools and sofas so Connie, Sasha and I nab it, taking the best seats for ourselves.

Beyond the Wall is always a good place to start a night out. The interior has seen better days and the floors are a bit sticky, but the drinks aren’t pricey and, more importantly, the music is the bee’s fucking knees. Saturday night is ‘Uplifting Grooves’, which is basically just an awesome mix of reggae, soul, classic hip hop and a sprinkling of decent electronica.

Mikasa, Armin and Historia spot us and walk over, followed by Eren carrying a full tray of Jaegerbombs (obviously), a mischievous grin on his flushed face.

“Alright goobers grab a glass!”

The drink helps me to relax after Connie and Sasha’s grilling in the taxi and we all slip into easy conversation. I’d been really looking forward to tonight and I’m not disappointed. The first hour flies by; everyone draped over each other, having a good laugh chatting about random stuff, and moving around like a game of musical chairs every time someone goes to the bar or the loo.

Historia’s face lights up when I point out Ymir getting a drink at the bar. She comes over to join us and we somehow fall into a pretty intense conversation about how ahead of its time and ‘woke’ The Rugrats was.

“Mate that show was progressive AF! I have this distinct memory of Lil saying she was going to marry a girl because they were both pretty and me thinking ‘Fuck yes bitch!’ Or you know, whatever the equivalent of that thought would have been for me when I was six.”

“Mate that show was progressive AF! I have this distinct memory of Lil saying she was going to marry a girl because they were both pretty and me thinking ‘Fuck yes bitch!’ Or you know, whatever the equivalent of that thought would have been for me when I was six.”

I like Ymir. She’s inappropriate, sharp witted and unapologetically herself. I can see why Historia likes her too.

When I return from taking a whizz, Connie and Sasha are practically bouncing up and down in their seats with crazed smiles, beckoning me over. Uh-oh. This can only spell trouble.

The alcohol must be kicking in, because instead of just walking over to them I do a little dance. In my defence, Bam Bam by Sister Nancy is playing so I don’t see how I can be expected not to dance. Instead of laughing, like I’m expecting, they both start frantically waving their hands looking mortified.

“Stop dancing like a knob you idiot!”

Excuse me!?

“The fuck’s wrong with you two?” I glower.

“Dude that hot girl at the bar was definitely checking you out just now. Don’t ruin it!”

“Huh?” I glance over my shoulder but don’t see anyone looking at me. “What girl?”

“Jean she’s fit as fuck!” Sasha gushes. “She’s facing the bar. C’mere so you can see!”

Sasha grabs my wrist and tugs me down to sit next to her.

“Connie move or it’s gonna look really obvious!” She starts pushing against his backside to get him up.

“Why do I have to move!?”

“Oh for godsake, here!” She drags a free stool over. “Sit there but don’t face the bar.”

“Okay I won’t but tell me if anything happens,” he grins.

“Okay,” Sasha starts in a low voice. “She’s the one with braids in a high ponytail. She’s talking to the girl with orange hair. Wait ‘til she turns around.”

I spot her. Dark-skinned, dark hair, wearing high-waisted skinny grey jeans and a black t-shirt tied in a knot. I can’t see her face yet, but I’m not going to lie, her tiny waist and round arse are already piquing my interest.

Hmm, okay. She’s turned to the side now and I can see her upper arm is covered in tattoos. Her arms are really toned too. Like, frickin’ Lara Croft-esque.

O-oh Christ. Nose ring. She’s got a nose ring!

“See! How fit is she!?”

“You sure you don’t want to go out with her?” I laugh, nudging Sasha playfully.

As I chuckle, I look back towards the bar, and Fitty McNose-ring is looking right at me. God she really is gorgeous. She holds my gaze for a second but then looks down at her drink, smiling and blushing prettily.

Sasha and Connie are both gawking at me expectantly. “Okay yes. She is fit.”

“We told you! Go talk to her!”

“What? No!”

“C’mon why not?”

…Because of Marco.

The thought sends a horrible pang through my chest and knocks the wind out of me. I’ve barely thought about him all night and now his name hits me like a sledgehammer.

Because of Marco. I’m such a fucking idiot.

What about Marco exactly? My brain screams at my heart. The fact that he’s not even here right now? That even if he was he’s unavailable? That even if he was available he wouldn’t think of you that way, because he’s filled with more magic and starlight than you could ever hope to deserve?

You know what? Enough is enough. The absurdity of longing for something as far-fetched as Marco realising his undying love for me is exhausting. I’m sure unrequited love makes for a brilliant romantic novel, but this is my life and it sucks fucking balls. I’m done.

“Jean she’s looking right at you. She’s definitely interested,” Sasha presses.

Fuck it. I’m going for it. I need to think about myself and get back in the game. Connie and Sasha are right; it’s been too long since I dated someone.

“Okay, okay,” I relent, getting to my feet. Oh my god, I’m actually doing this. “Wish me luck.”

I throw a grin over my shoulder and laugh at them both grabbing each other’s hands and ‘squeeing’ excitedly. I make a beeline for the bar and squeeze into a space next to Miss Sexy Braids. She’s still chatting to her friends, but I catch her looking my way in my peripheral. I chance a sneaky look myself while I wait for the barman.

Welp. She’s got one side of her head shaved and her black t-shirt has Death Grips on the front. I may have genuinely found the future Mrs Kirschtein.

“Hey,” I smile.

She smiles back. “Hey.”

“Nice t-shirt. You ever seen them live?”

She glances down at her t-shirt and quirks an eyebrow at me. Not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot.

“Yeah, I saw them at the academy last year.”

“Oh me too! So good weren’t they?”

“Yeah, fucking relentless. One of the best gigs I’ve ever been to.”

“Yeah same. I lost my favourite hoody in the crowd and couldn’t hear properly for two days but it was worth it.”

“You need served mate?” the barman interrupts.

“Can I get a session IPA please?” He scurries off to the fridge. “D’you want a drink…?”

“Rae,” she smirks offering a hand.

“Oh you’re a handshaker?” I chuckle, flashing her my best smile.

“Sure am.”

“I’m Jean,” I say, shaking her warm hand in return.

“Nice to meet you Jean, I’ll have a rum and coke if you don’t mind.”

Our conversation turns back to gigs as we sip our drinks. It turns out we were both at Wolf Alice the other week and her friend suffered a similar fate to Connie in the mosh pit, which gives us a good laugh. She’s really easy to talk to and smiles at me a lot, which I take as a good sign. My phone buzzes in my pocket; no doubt Connie or Sasha sending some idiotic words of encouragement. I ignore it.

“Do you wanna go sit down?” she asks.

Fuck, this is going well. “Yeah okay.”

We grab a small table down the other side of the bar. Although it’s a few metres away, it’s dead opposite everybody else and I can see them all fucking grinning at me. I roll my eyes and turn back to Rae.

“So,” she starts, setting down her drink. “When you’re not at gigs, what else do you do?”

“I’m in a band,” I say with a cheeky grin. I can’t help myself. Old habits die hard I guess.

“Seriously? Me too!”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah!”

“Which band?”

“We’re called White Rose. I play drums.” That explains the Lara Croft arms then! “You?”

“The 104th. I sing and play guitar.”

“That’s where I recognise you from! You guys played the Trost Unsigned festival last year, right?”

Oh, so she’s heard of us. “Yeah! Were you playing too?”

“Nah but I was in the audience.”

“And..? Did you enjoy the show?” I ask boldly.

“Meh. You guys were okay I guess.”

She fixes me with a devilish smirk I can’t help returning. Hot.

“Wow. Clearly we made an impression then.”

I give a small laugh at her attractive cheeky nature and take a sip of my drink, but when I look up, the music stops, Trost falls silent and the whole world grinds to a halt. My imagination must be getting the better of me…because it can’t be.

But it is.

I’d know those dark yet impossibly bright eyes anywhere, those lips I’ve touched so many times in my daydreams, those arms that slot so perfectly around my back.

Marco?

The feelings I’d decided to stamp down only moments ago come rushing back like a tidal wave. I was an idiot to think that they wouldn’t. I should have known the second I saw him again, no matter where we were or how many people surrounded us, that all I would see is him.

He doesn’t see me though. He looks around on his way to the bar and spots Eren, followed by everyone else.

“You got any gigs coming up then?”

I watch as everyone takes turns greeting and hugging him, and how he beams at each of them in turn.

“Hey space cadet!”

“Hmm?” Shit. Rae. I’m supposed to be talking to Rae. “Sorry what was that?”

She quirks an eyebrow, her eyes shifting between me and the boy I was staring at. “You okay?”

“Yeah! Sorry! S’just…my friend’s just came in and err…I haven’t seen them for a while,” I lie. “Do you mind if I go say hello?”

She pauses, almost imperceptibly, before answering. “No ‘course not. Go ahead. I’m gonna go get another drink anyway.”

“Thanks. Sorry, I’ll be right back.”

Part of me knows what I just did was shitty, but I don’t think I could stop my legs walking towards Marco if I tried. My stomach flips as I get closer. He’s talking to Armin and doesn’t notice me, but then his gaze flicks to the right and the way his face lights up at the sight of mine almost bowls me over.

“Hey man!” he beams.

“Hey!” My arms reach around his broad back and I squeeze him against me with a chuckle. “What you doing here?” I lean back but my hands stay on his shoulders, my fingers keeping a firm grip.

“Didn’t you get my text? My mum came back early so I decided to come out.”

“Aw mate. I’m so glad you’re here.” I pull him to me again.

Did I really just do that? And say that?

“Oh! Having another hug are we?”

He laughs but my grip slackens and I pull back with a blush, remembering myself.

“Ha. Guess I’m a bit tipsy. Do you want a drink? We need to get you caught up!”

He doesn’t get the chance to reply.

“Mate, what the fuck are you doing!?” Connie asks with Sasha at his side, looking at me like I’ve gone mental. “Get back over to that girl!”

“Girl? What girl?” Marco asks looking over my shoulder.

“It’s fine! She wanted to get another drink, so I decided to come say hi.”

“Jean I’m sure Marco won’t mind you not saying hi for a girl that hot!”

I could punch Connie in the face for pointing that out. Like I don’t already know just how much Marco wouldn’t mind.

“Which girl?” Marco asks quietly. “Point her out.”

Sasha does the honours. “That one at the bar. The one…Are you and Jean wearing the same outfit?”

Marco and I look each other up and down and crack up laughing. We are indeed wearing the same outfit. Blue denim shirt with our sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black skinny jeans and Vans.

He puts his hands on his hips and huffs. “Well one of us is going to have to go home and change!”

“Anyway back to the girl!” Sasha interrupts. “She’s at the bar. The one with braids and an arse that could kill!”

Marco laughs at Sasha’s enthusiasm and then he spots Rae.

“Woah. Oh man she’s really fit. Go for it Jean. Get back to the bar!”

Going back to the bar now feels like the last thing I want to do. I want to stay here with Marco and have a laugh and find more reasons to hug him.

“Look I will but don’t get your hopes up. I get the feeling she’s not quite as into this as you guys thought.”

Liar liar pants on fire.

“Well get back over there and change her mind!” Sasha shoves me in the shoulder, turning me around.

I head back over to Rae, but anxiety clutches my chest, tightening with each step. I haven’t planned what I’m going to say, I just know I need to talk myself out of whatever I’ve started.

Rae’s watching me with a strange expression as I get nearer. She’s smiling softly, but there’s something else going on…Why do I suddenly feel like I’m looking at Armin?

“Your friend’s cute,” she says gently. “You must’ve really missed him. I don’t even hug my sister that hard.”

My cheeks flame red as I give an awkward laugh, blind-sided by her comment.

“Erm…yeah. I guess I must’ve.” My hand reaches back to scratch my neck just for something to do. “So…”

“Listen. I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on and I don’t really want to stand in the way so go be with your friend. It’s honestly fine. I feel kind of bad ditching my girls anyway.”

“You- Really? You sure?”

Why is she being so cool about this? Maybe she actually wasn’t as interested as I thought.

“Yeah, really,” she smiles offering a hand again. “It was really nice to meet you Jean. Maybe I’ll run into you again sometime.”

“Yeah maybe.”

She releases my hand but reaches for my arm with a gentle squeeze. “I hope it all works out for you,” she adds, gesturing with her chin towards Marco.

I look at him over my shoulder, and when I turn back to potential Mrs Kirschtein, she gives me a knowing smile and walks away.

Am I being stupid? Am I making a huge mistake? I almost grab her by the hand and stop her but decide not to. There’d be no point anyway. She knows. I don’t know how she knows, but she knows.

Oh man. I need another drink.

I shake my head and grab a space at the bar.

_______________________________________________

I re-join the collective with drinks for myself and Marco and squeeze into a seat next to him. We chat and laugh and tease one another, the others drifting in and out of our conversation. We’re talking to Sasha, Eren and Mikasa when the subject of Marco’s new kitten comes up.

“You’ve got a kitten!?” Eren and Sasha squeal in unison.

“Yeah! Well, my sister does.”

“Why am I only just hearing of this? Show me some pictures NOW!” Eren demands in mock-outrage.

Marco obliges and we all gush over how cute she is.

“She’s obsessed with that blanket game by the way,” Marco tells me.

“What blanket game?” Sasha asks.

“Oh, the other day Jean was playing this game where you move your hand around under a blanket. She goes nuts for it!”

“Aw what! Jean’s met her? No fair!”

“Haha, yeah. He demanded a playdate with her on Thursday night…”

Marco keeps talking but I don’t hear it. Dread settles in my stomach at the words ‘Thursday night’ and the way they make Eren’s eyebrows pinch together in confusion.

Shit, shit fucking shit!

Eren turns to look dead at me, clearly after some sort of explanation. I daren’t meet his gaze, so I take a long sip of my drink. I can still see him out the corner of my eye though, staring.

I’m so glad Connie is wrapped up in a conversation with Armin and Historia right now.

Fuck, Eren please don’t say anything.

I need some space to think of a plan, so I stand and make my way to the men’s. How the fuck am I gonna explain this? Explain that I lied. Explain why I lied.

It only takes a few seconds for Eren to follow me in, not nearly enough time to think of a good excuse.

“Dude, why did you lie about Thursday?”

He’s never been one to beat about the bush.

“What? No I didn’t! My mam cancelled so I went ‘round Marco’s to see his cat.”

Wow. Convincing.

“Bullshit. If your mam cancelled, you would’ve just came to practice so why didn’t you?”

“Because…erm.” My cheeks burn as I stumble over my words.

“Oh my god. You like him!”

“Wha-! No I don’t! I-”

“Yes you do! You like Marco!”

“Do you want to say that a bit fucking louder mate?”

Then the door swings open and Connie’s standing there.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Did you know?” Eren asks without missing a beat.

A typical look of confusion plasters Connie’s face. “Know what?”

“That this dickhead likes- Marco! Hey bud!”

Marco walks in behind Connie and my entire body fills with cement. He looks between all three of us with an unreadable expression.

“Well this is just rude. Are you guys having a band meeting in the toilet without me?”

Eren laughs, but it’s a weird, pinched sort of laugh and I can tell he’s panicking on my behalf.

“Who does Jean like?”

Connie I swear to fucking GOD!!

“What? Jean likes someone! Who?”

Marco looks at me excitedly and it hurts. It hurts that I don’t see even a trace of disappointment on his face.

“Is that why you ditched that girl!? I knew it!” You didn’t know shit Connie. “Who is it? Who do you like?”

I start seriously considering how I’d go about murdering Eren Jaeger; where I’d hide the body and what I’d need to begin my new life on the run.

Okay. Deep breath time.

“No-one. I don’t like anybody. S’just Eren getting the wrong end of the stick as usual,” I say, with surprising firmness considering the cement in my body has now turned into jelly.

“Oh. Well good because I am still on a mission to get you some action tonight!” Connie grins, grabbing me by the shoulders.

I somehow manage to force out a laugh that sounds halfway convincing and thank my legs for remembering how to walk.

“Yeah okay. What could possibly go wrong,” I deadpan and push past Connie.

I feel Eren follow me. He doesn’t speak until we’re a good distance from the toilet.

“Shit, I’m sorry about that man.”

“Look, can we just drop it? Somebody else is bound to hear us if we do this now.”

“But I am right, aren’t I?”

The fucking audacity of this guy!

I give a huff of resignation. “Yes alright! I like him, but it doesn’t fucking matter. He’s our bandmate. He’s got a boyfriend. I’ll get over it. So please don’t make this into a whole ‘thing’ okay?”

“Alright, alright. I promise I won’t say anything else.”

Everyone’s finishing their drinks off when we get back.

“Time for karaoke!” Historia yells, jumping on our shoulders. “C’mon let’s go! We haven’t got long before our booking starts!”

I glance at my watch. How did it suddenly get to be quarter to 11?

Once Connie and Marco are back from the loo, we all head off. The karaoke place is only two minutes down the road, but between piggyback rides, selfies and silly dancing, it takes everyone the best part of ten minutes to make it there.

I sheepishly try to stick with Eren near the front of our group, but Marco comes to find me. I fix Eren with a death stare. I don’t care if it’s his birthday, if he dare says anything to wind me up, I’ll fucking smack him.

“Jean we haven’t had a twins selfie yet!” Marco says with a goofball grin, gesturing at our outfits. It really makes me want to kiss the stupid idiot.

“Oh I’ll take it!” Eren chirps. “Right let’s do a serious one first. Just stand side by side and do nothing. Marco stop smiling!”

“Oh right. Sorry.”

Dork. I snort and elbow him in the stomach. He does it back to me and we start play fighting, laughing as we slap each other anywhere the other doesn’t block.

“I said serious!” Eren shouts.

“Yeah Marco!” I snort. “Be fucking serious!” I stand like a soldier next to him just to be even more obnoxious.

He shoots me a glare, trying his best not to smile and comes to stand next to me. “You started it,” he mutters. “Dick.”

“Nimrod.”

“Douchebag.”

“Cock gobbler.”

“Cunt flapper.”

PPPFFFffffttt!!

I absolutely lose my shit and double over. I’ve never heard Marco say anything THAT filthy before.

“Oh my fucking god!”

He cracks up at my reaction and we both grab each other wheezing. Despite the chilly air, his forearm feels soft and warm beneath my fingertips. I have trouble letting it go.

Oh man. I am definitely drunk.

“Right you two wankers, let’s have a silly one now,” Eren laughs.

I start to strike a pose when a pair of strong arms wrap around my legs and back and my feet lift off from the floor.

“AAAH! What the fuck!?”

I hear Eren laugh as Marco sweeps me off my feet and hoists me up like a goddamn princess. The worst part is I really fucking like it. I don’t know whether to scream or cry.

Oh fuck. Please don’t get a hard on!

Eren must’ve taken the photo by now.

“Feel free to put me down any time freckles!”

He doesn’t. He just laughs and starts carrying me down the street. Fuck. I should not be enjoying this as much as I am. I try squirming out of his grip but he just laughs harder and swings me around in circles. I give in and start laughing too, absolutely giddy with all the attention he’s giving me.

“C’mon Marco give us all a lift!”

Connie jumps on Marco’s back and he has to put me down. It only takes a second for everyone else to try and get in on the action. Armin and Sasha both grab an arm to hang off, all of them begging Marco to carry them, but when Eren tries to jump on top of Connie, Marco’s knees buckle and they all tumble to the floor with a collective ‘Waaaah!’.

I laugh at first but then I just stare, smiling softly and enjoying the warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest. The sight of Marco laughing like this, finally surrounded by friends and people who care about him, is just perfect. He’s slotted into our random little group so easily, like there was always a space carved out for him. I know how much he’s wanted this since he moved here. No-one deserves it more.

Marco helps Sasha to her feet, but probably regrets that when she immediately jumps up for a piggyback. I offer a hand to Armin, before pulling them into a side hug and kissing them on the temple.

“What was that for?” they smile up at me.

“You did good Armin.” They raise an eyebrow at me curiously. “Marco, I mean. I’m really glad you introduced us all to him.”

“Oh!” They snuggle an arm around my waist and we walk side by side. “Yeah I guess I did. I’m really glad everyone likes him.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe…some more than others?” They squeeze a little tighter and look up at me expectantly.

“…Yeah, maybe.”

_______________________________________________

We’re all pretty hammered by now, which means the first thing we do after we’re shown to our karaoke booth, is fight over who gets to sing the first song – cue Sasha literally tackling me into a chair to wrestle the microphone off me.

“You’re a singer in a fucking band. Give someone else a chance!”

Sasha and Historia go first in the end, getting things started with Blondie - Atomic.

I cheer them on, sitting next to Marco on the mauve-pink velvet seat that wraps around most of the room. The walls above that are decked out in various album covers, cheesy pop stars grinning at us from all angles. I watch the disco lights dance across Marco’s gorgeous, freckled face and enjoy the way his eyes seem to glitter as he watches our friends make idiots of themselves. I’ve noticed Marco gets extra giggly when he's drunk, which I fucking love, taking every opportunity I can to say something silly and watch him smile.

After a couple more songs, I get to my feet (albeit a little wobbily) and demand the mic for Fleetwood Mac, then I hog it again so Eren and I can show off by belting out Jimmy Eat World’sThe Sweetness. When we have a group sing-along to some Hall and Oates, I notice Marco hangs out at the back, the furthest away from the microphone. Maybe he’s not drunk enough to sing a tune on his own yet, but I am determined to get a duet.

I take a seat beside him and throw an arm around his shoulders. “Right c’mon mate. What we gonna sing?”

“Excuse me, we?”

“Yes we, as in you and me,” I grin prodding our chests in turn. “What’s your go-to karaoke song?”

“There is not a chance in hell I’m duetting with you. Your voice is amazing!”

My stupid face breaks out into a blush and smile combo that could give a crushing schoolgirl a run for her money, but I power through.

“Mate you can’t be any worse than Connie! And he’s not shy about singing with Eren.”

I gesture to Connie, who’s currently butchering Alanis Morrisette, despite Eren’s best efforts to do it justice.

“Pleeeeeease!” I beg, leaning into his space and fluttering my eyelashes.

He huffs but starts smiling in spite of himself. “Okay fine. I’ll do ‘Call me Al’ with you, but you’re not allowed to take the piss!”

“Yesss! Tune!”

I grab him by the hand and drag him up, entering the song into the console just as Eren and Connie screech one last ‘you oughta know!’.

There’s a wave of recognition and a few whoops when the opening notes ring out. We start singing and Marco seems to know most of the words without looking. I start to wonder why. Maybe it’s a family favourite. I can just imagine him singing and dancing around the kitchen with his mam and Mia to this.

On the next verse, we strut past each other like we’ve been fucking rehearsing, then he mimes reeling me in with a fishing rod. Obviously, I shimmy my way over to him - hips first - earning a few cackles from our friends and a wolf whistle from Eren. I can only imagine how ridiculous we look considering we’re wearing matching outfits.

When the instrumental kicks in he dances over and starts bumping his ass against my hip. Refusing to be out-done, I slut-drop and twerk my way back up. His musical laughter bathes me in a warm glow, but so does something else, something that’s been slowly dawning on me – Marco can fucking sing! Like seriously, he has a good voice! I don’t know what he was so worried about.

I lean in close and lower my mic so only he can hear. “I’m on to you,” I smirk.

His eyebrows crease together, so I waggle mine in return. ‘What?’ he mouths. It’s cute. He almost looks scared.

I dance back over to him whilst singing ‘na na na-na na-na!’

“You can fucking sing!” I cry over the music.

His face splits into shock followed by a coy smile and a shake of his head.

We finish out the song to rapturous drunken applause from our devoted audience. I’ve barely taken a bow when Sasha wrestles the microphone out of my hand, demanding a turn with Armin. Marco and I collapse back onto the seat and high-five each other through breathless chuckles.

“I was being serious by the way.”

“What?”

Some of his hair is stuck to his forehead. I fight the urge to brush it back for him.

“About you being able to sing!”

“What! No you weren’t! Shut up!” he says, embarrassed.

“I was! You can seriously sing! I should get you to start doing backing vocals with Eren!”

“Hmm. We’ll see if you still think that’s a good idea at practice…when you’re not hammered!”

It turns out, a few more drinks is all it takes to get Marco singing with more confidence. After a couple of shots, he’s back up singing Toto - Africa with Armin and Historia, then Sasha convinces him to do a duet to Shallow with her, which he absolutely belts out, then he gets Ymir up. It turns out they both know every single fucking word to I wish by Skeelo. Epic doesn’t even begin to describe how good it is!

I’m content to just sit back and watch him, absolutely enamoured with the way his contagious smile spreads to everyone around him. A warm, soft feeling seeps pleasantly into my bones and I pray no-one catches the dopey looks I keep sending his way. I know I’ll regret letting myself do this later - when I’m alone with my thoughts, and all of them keep finding their way back to Marco and how he looked gripping the microphone, with a drunken flush and a twinkle in his eye. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt.

For the time being though, I can’t bring myself to care. Or rather, I can’t bring myself to believe anything this beautiful could possibly cause me any suffering. I’d rather believe that this memory we’re making right now is something I’ll cherish, something I’ll hold tenderly in my heart, not something I’ll push away in moments of pain.

Our time’s nearly up so Eren gets us all to join in for one last sing-along to Hey Jude. Everyone crowds the microphones with their arms around each other. Marco wraps an arm around my shoulders, so I do the same and we sing in unison.

When the song reaches its crescendo, he squeezes me so tight, his arm slips up and my head goes in the crook of his elbow, but he’s too drunk to notice. I shimmy in closer, so he doesn’t squeeze my head off and move my arm to his side. My heart skips a beat when my fingers find a hold in his waist, just above his hip bone, my pinkie finger barely grazing the skin where his shirt’s rode up.

I try to savour every moment before the song plays out, knowing moments like this won’t be awarded to me very often.

As we sing the last note, he releases me to cheer and clap his hands above his head and I almost wince at the loss of contact; a chill prickling up my side where he was pressed against me.

When I turn to my left though, I find I’m unable to keep up my little pity party. Eren has started crying, like full-on ugly crying, clinging to Armin and Mikasa like his life depends on it.

“I fucking love you guys!” he cries between sobs.

Cue everyone cooing ‘Aw Eren!’ and wrapping him up in a giant group hug.

“Every fucking year,” I chuckle as my arms stretch as far as they can around Connie, Armin and Marco.

“Exactly,” Eren sniffs gaining a little composure. “So why break tradition dickwad?”

Eren always finds it a bit overwhelming when we get together for his birthday. He really misses his mam around this time of year. Since she died, we’ve always made sure we hang out on Eren’s birthday and make a fuss of him - it’s like an unspoken pact between us all – and every year without fail he cries.

It’s never the type of crying to make us worry though, we know it’s just his way of showing his appreciation for his adopted family. We all give him a big hug, he laughs, and then he’s over it. I think he just needs to get it out of his system.

Everyone bar Mikasa relaxes their grip, so I weedle my way behind Eren and snake my hands up his chest for a purely platonic, bro-squeeze.

“C’mon, let’s get these sexy tiddies to the gay bars!”

“Yes!!” Sasha cries. “Let’s go to Rainbow Boulevard! It’s the only place I can request RuPaul and not get laughed at!”

Rainbow Boulevard is an area of town filled with LGBT+ friendly bars and nightclubs. Nine times out of ten, we always end up there on a night out. It’s a safe space where we can all be ourselves without the worry of some arsehole mouthing off.

After a short running competition to see who can get the highest number on a road speed display, we head straight for Tickled Pink – a nightclub where all the staff wear drag and the music constantly flip-flops between cheesy and amazing.

It’s well after midnight by the time we get there and the place is packed. We’re just trying to find a good spot for all of us to dance, when I spy two familiar faces. Or rather, I vaguely recognise the sight of two faces smushed against each other.

I lean into Marco with a giggle and ask, “Hey do you recognise those two sucking face over there?”

He squints for a moment but then breaks out in a big goofy grin. “Oh my god! We have to interrupt them!”

Before I can say anything, Marco has taken my hand and is dragging me towards Bert and Reiner. Maybe it’s a combination of the alcohol in my system and the strobing in here, but I’m utterly transfixed as I watch him lead the way. The lights seem to dance around him, attracted to his natural brightness, and the firm but gentle hold he has on my hand makes me feel soft and light and warm all at the same time.

“Alright boys that’s enough, you’re upsetting the children!”

Reiner’s head snaps towards us with an indignant look but it softens when he recognises us.

“Hey! You guys alright?”

We invite them to join us for the rest of the evening, everyone more than happy to make friends and gain new dance partners when a good song comes on. Our foreheads are a little damp and we’re all slurring our words by now, but everyone’s having a good time.

Connie and Sasha seem to be getting on especially well I notice, leaning into one another and laughing between dances. Although Connie has to temporarily abandon her when The Prodigy comes on and he, Eren and I collectively lose our shit, dancing around the place like absolute twat-bags.

I’ve barely caught my breath back when Eren wraps his arms around my legs and hoists me up in the air.

“Ah! Jesus!”

And then I don’t know if it’s because he’s drunk or because he’s a mischievous little shit, but he topples right into Marco. Strong hands grab a firm hold of my waist and hold me steady until my feet are safely back on the floor.

“Shit! S-sorry!” I practically squeak.

Marco’s eyes, though slightly lost in a drunken glaze, still sparkle when they find mine and something catches in my chest.

“S’alright I got you!” And then he pats me playfully on the stomach and I fucking implode.

Eren gives me a devious, all-knowing smirk and I fight the urge to punch him, choosing instead to make a trip to the bar.

No one offers to tag along, which is fine by me. I’m glad of the chance to take a moment and calm down. The butterflies in my stomach could qualify for the Olympics with the amount of somersaults they’ve been doing tonight. A few people clock me as I weave/stagger my way back to the group and give me a wide berth, clearly not trusting the drunk guy with a handful of drinks.

I’ve just handed a drink to Eren when I notice a guy wearing a pride vest and VERY tight skinny jeans edging nearer to us. The next thing I should notice about this guy is how tall and muscly he is, but I don’t, because all joking aside…What the fuck are those things on his face!? Like seriously, ‘eyebrows on fleek’ doesn’t even begin to cover what this guy has going on!

It gets very obvious very quickly why they’ve wormed their way into our space on the dance floor - they’re smiling at Armin and trying to catch their eye. He should give up now - this guy is so far from Armin’s type it’s almost laughable. I’m sure plenty of people in here are into big hunks of man-meat, but Armin tends to go for more androgynous looking people.

Armin smiles politely, but starts looking a bit uncomfortable, so I decide to come to the rescue. I move so I can snake an arm around their waist and press a quick kiss to their cheek. They beam at me like they’re head over heels and the guy gets the message, making a hasty retreat.

Eren leans in close to us so we can hear him over the music. “Dude, what the fuck was up with that guy’s eyebrows!?”

Armin and I both burst out laughing. My natural instinct is to look over at Marco and get him to join in, but when I turn to look at him, he’s not smiling. Like, not at all. He’s looking at me like…like he’s hurt?? Why would he be hurt?

Holy shit is that jealousy!?

Wait…no. He’s not looking at me, he’s looking at something behind me. I twist my head over my shoulder and then I see it. Two guys kissing each other like it’s their last fucking night on Earth…and one of them is Floch.

My head whips back to Marco. He’s staring, rooted to the spot, but I feel like I can see him falling. The signature brightness behind his warm eyes warps into glazed disbelief, and I can only stand by and watch as the light behind them goes out completely. The shock, the hurt, the betrayal – all of it encapsulated in one look.

Empathy and pain seeps into my bones but I compress it into seething rage and turn back towards Floch, gritting my teeth. It’s as if he senses people staring, because his eyes open dead on us. There’s a flicker of recognition before he hurls himself backwards and pushes away the guy he was locking lips with. The guy stumbles, clearly confused, shouting as he looks between us and Floch.

I turn back around to Marco but all I see is his back as he pushes his way out of the crowd and away from us.

“Marco!”

I follow him. We all do. I try to keep up but he’s fast and the crowd doesn’t dissipate until we’re almost at the doors.

“Marco. Wait a minute.”

He keeps moving forward - I’m not even sure he can hear me – but he stops dead at the sound of someone else shouting just as we leave the exit, away from the thudding bassline into the sharp night air.

“Marco wait!”

It’s Floch. I round on the motherfucker.

“Don’t you fucking dare!” I spit.

He sneers at me. “Fuck off you. Mar-!”

“Are you fucking deaf!?” I shove him forcefully by the shoulders and he stumbles backwards. “Leave him the fuck alone you piece of shit! You don’t fucking deserve him!”

I’m right in his face now, almost nose to nose.

“What and you do? Dream on. Get the fuck out of my way.”

He puts all his weight into it as he pushes past and nearly knocks me over, but I grab him by his collar and pull hard, sending him reeling backwards onto his arse.

Someone comes to stand next to me. I don’t need to look to know it’s Eren - ready to have my back, whatever happens next.

“Jean! Stop!”

Connie.

He puts himself between me and Floch, his hands on my chest trying to encourage me backwards. Floch starts getting to his feet though and I know I need to be ready. My hands curl into fists on reflex and I push against Connie’s hands.

“Jean c’mon please! Eren tell him!”

Then a gentler voice. “Jean…”

I spin around and all the anger in my face evaporates in a second. Marco’s standing just a few metres away from me, flanked by Bert and Historia. “Jean please…just leave it.”

Floch’s on his feet now, but I fight the urge to knock him back on his arse and keep looking at Marco. The rapid rise and fall of my chest steadies and I regain some sense of control.

“Hey you piece of shit!”

My eyes snap back to Floch, but the words didn’t come from him, it’s the guy he was kissing.

“Look I’m sorry!” he says in our general direction, clearly not sure which of us is the one that’s hurt. “I had no idea he was in a relationship, but you should know tonight isn’t the first time we’ve hooked up and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are others.”

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Floch is directing all his rage at the other guy now.

“What? I’m not the one in the wrong here! You said you wanted casual so who knows how many other guys you’ve been seeing!”

“You fucking dick!” Floch storms towards the guy and any sense of restraint I’d felt goes flying out the window.

“Hey!” I launch myself forward ready to grab him but Reiner beats me to it. He moves in front of the guy and puts a hand out to Floch as a warning.

“Alright that’s enough. I think you should go back inside,” he says, calm as anything. It honestly stops me in my tracks. He’s so in control of himself.

Floch hesitates. I get the feeling he’s right on the edge of mouthing off again, but he looks Reiner up and down and obviously thinks better of it. Though it doesn’t stop him from casting one more scornful look over his shoulder at me and opening his mouth.

“You-!”

“Inside. Now.”

Floch’s eyes bulge at Reiner, but he obeys with a scowl and turns to go back.

I’m just starting to think that’s the end of it when he looks back at the guy cowering behind Reiner and mutters, “Stupid mouthy bitch.”

The fucker just couldn’t help himself.

“What was that?” Reiner is on it like shot, eyes narrowed and looming over Floch.

Shit. I’m guessing Floch’s really wishing he’d kept his mouth shut, because Reiner is intimidating as fuck right now.

But then just like that, his stern face softens into amusement. “Ha! Jog on.”

And then I swear to god he pushes Floch back through the doors by his fucking face! Reiner, you’re my goddamn hero.

He doesn’t bother to look back, satisfied Floch will be no more trouble, and walks away, encouraging the other guy to do the same, his big arm around his shoulders.

The guy comes straight up to me, his face full of regret. “Listen, I really am sorry. I swear I had no idea he was seeing anybody else. At least not in any serious way.”

“No, no he wasn’t seeing me he was seeing...” Shit where’s Marco? “…my friend.”

Armin and Sasha step in to comfort the guy, who’s visibly shaken up, as I turn and look around for Marco. He’s not here, but Bert, Ymir and Historia are further up the street, walking back down towards us.

Why isn’t he with them?

I jog to reach them quicker. “Where’s Marco?” I ask, not caring that my voice sounds strained.

“He jumped in a taxi,” Bert says apologetically. “We tried to get him to stay but he was adamant he wanted to leave.”

“He said he wants to be on his own. He heard…he heard everything,” Ymir adds.

“What? No.” I scrabble to get my phone out of my pocket so I can ring him. “He shouldn’t be on his own, not after what just happened!”

My stupid fingers keep pressing the wrong button and I curse under my breath.

“Look I know, but just give him some space okay?” Historia’s hand comes to rest on my arm and strokes up and down soothingly.

I know what she’s trying to say, but she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know about all the other shit Marco has piled on his shoulders. What if this proves too much? What if this is the tipping point and there’s no-one there to help him up?

My pained expression must tell Historia something, because she gives me a sad smile and changes tack.

“If you ring him he won’t pick up, so maybe just send him a text. At least that gives him the option to get in touch later if he needs you.”

I nod, worried my voice will betray just how upset I am if I speak. We wonder back over to the others. Bert and Historia explain where Marco went, but it all dissolves into murmurs as I concentrate on typing a message.

HeresJeany:

Marco I’m so sorry

Please let me know you get home okay

And please ring or text me if you need anything

I’m right here

I want to add more. I want to tell him he’s too good for Floch and how that bastard isn’t worth a single drop of his tears.

The harsh glare of my screen stares back at me as I wait for two grey ticks to turn blue, but nothing happens.

Fuck.

I feel so fucking helpless right now.

“Jean?”

Eren. Shit, yeah. It’s his birthday and we’ve all just abandoned the club.

“Yeah mate?”

“I was just talking to Connie and I think we’re gonna go grab some food and then head back to mine. You comin’?”

He doesn’t say it, but he’s basically giving me the option to bail and go after Marco if I want. I can’t abandon one of my best mates on his birthday. I refuse to let Floch fuck up this night any more than he already has.

“Yeah ‘course.”

“Alright,” he smiles, moving to walk next to me shoulder to shoulder. He shouts at the others to follow and we head along the street towards the late-night pizza and kebab shops.

I don’t order anything when we get there. Now that I feel stone-cold sober, a greasy kebab smells about as appealing as a broken septic tank. Eren comes to sit on the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me while he waits for his food.

“You text Marco?” he asks.

“Yeah. He hasn’t text me back though.”

“He will when he’s ready. I wouldn’t be surprised if that bastard's ringing him now with some bullshit excuse.”

“Hmm.”

“If he’s got any sense he’ll switch his phone off. That’s what I would do,” Eren adds.

“Yeah.”

Anger reignites and burns in my chest. The idea that Marco might be talking to that arsehole when he could be talking to us…to me. Or even worse, that he wants to speak to me but he can’t because he’s turned his phone off.

My knee starts bouncing up and down like crazy. The need to do something is all consuming, but what can I do? I settle for picking at Connie’s pizza box while we wait for everyone else’s orders to come through.

A big, firm hand comes to rest on my shoulder and I look up to find Reiner - Bert standing next to him with a sad smile.

“Hey man. Our taxi’s here so we’re gonna head off.”

“Oh okay. It was good to see you both. Thanks for helping out back there by the way.”

“Yeah of course. That prick needed to be put in his place. Have you managed to get in touch with Marco?”

“Nah not yet,” I say shaking my head.

Bert gives a sad huff. “It’s shit. Marco’s the last person who deserves to be treated like that.”

“Yeah he really is.”

“Anyway, we’ve got to go but it was good to see you. Enjoy the rest of your birthday mate,” Reiner adds to Eren.

“Cheers bud, good to meet you. We’ve got a gig next week if you guys are free. Thursday night. It’s a Battle of the Bands thing. Should be a good laugh.”

“Yeah sounds good. Where you playing?”

“It’s at Riverside Bar. We’ll get Marco to text you the details.”

“Alright cool, we’ll probably see you next week then. Later.”

They offer their goodbyes to everyone else and then leave. I watch them walk up the street, hand in hand at first but then they untangle their fingers and wrap their arms around each other instead.

I check my phone. Still nothing.

“Hey,” Eren says leaning his head on my shoulder. “Here’s the pictures I took of you guys earlier.”

I lean into him too, glad of the contact, and look at his phone. He swipes through the pictures of Marco and me on our way to karaoke – standing side by side, play fighting and then a few of him swinging me around in his arms.

Despite how shit I feel, the tiniest of smiles blossoms over my face. Before everything that happened tonight, Marco really was having a good time. I like to think I played a large part in that and seeing how he’s looking at me in these pictures, I think I did.

“Well, silver lining in all of this,” Eren says. “At least we don’t have to deal with that wanker anymore.”

I lift my head up to look at him. “You never said you thought he was a wanker!”

“Course not! You don’t bad mouth your mate’s boyfriend. But no, I never thought much of him. I’ll be glad to see the back of him.”

Eren’s not wrong. It can’t be a bad thing to have that fucker out of the picture, but to have it happen like this…in a way that causes Marco so much pain…I don’t know if it was really worth it.

“Can you send me those pictures?”

“Yeah I'll WhatsApp them over to you.”

“Thanks man.”

Armin and Mikasa order a couple of taxis for us and we leave soon after with our various pizzas and cartons of chips. I don’t talk to anyone on the ride back, choosing instead to stare at my phone and let my leg jitter.

I’m so restless by the time we arrive the first thing I do is make myself a drink to take the edge off - Southern Comfort and some flat coke Eren’s left lying around the kitchen. I commandeer the sofa and lie with my phone in my hand while everyone sits about chatting and joking softly. People try to nudge me back into the group a couple of times but give up pretty quickly. I don’t mean to be grumpy, I just can’t stop thinking about Marco.

I’m busy trying to distract myself with a game of solitaire when, finally, a text comes through. My heart leaps into my throat.

ItsaMeeMarco:

I got home safe don’t worry. I’m going to go to bed now. Speak to you later.

He’s home. Thank fuck.

I’m relieved, but every time I reread his message, the knife in my gut twists a little deeper. It’s as if this text wasn’t even sent by him. There’s a disconnect between these words and the messages he usually sends to me and I hate that. I hate picturing the look on his face as he typed that message and how much effort it probably took him just to say the bare minimum. I hate the thought of him lying in bed feeling alone.

I open up the pictures Eren sent me and zoom in on Marco’s face. His smile helps push away the memories of how broken he looked less than an hour ago, but not for long.

It’s not fair. It’s just not fucking fair. Bert was right – Marco really is the last person who deserves to be treated this way, but he was regardless. What kind of fucking idiot gets lucky enough to find the sweetest, kindest, most gorgeous guy in the world and then throws it all away for a quick shag with some fucking random?

I feel so fucking sad, but then angry because Marco is sad and sad because Marco is angry. This cycle continues for a while before I finally realise, the only thing that will stop it is sleep. I shimmy further down the arm of the sofa and curl onto my side. I allow myself one last look at the pictures of me and Marco, before I let my eyes close and doze off into a fitful sleep, clutching my phone in lieu of his hand.

[nyamiou]

@lenok993 mikafloch is best ship 

[medowlarken]

🔞 part 2 of aot nsfw headcanons (18+ ONLY!)🔞

y’all asked for them so here they are: hc’s for Armin, Eren, Mikasa, and Jean

starting off strong with Armin

i see him as pan with a preference for mascs

his frail physicality gets him pegged as an uwu babyboy sub a lot and he uses it to his advantage

the man is devious lemme tell you

he always has to be in control of the situation. half bc of anxiety and half bc mindgames are his fuckin jam

he lets his partner think theyre the ones in charge until the last minute and the payoff is delicious

following directions without question, giggling and blushing until suddenly his partner’s in a position that makes them think oh shit, did he plan this????

the surprised look on their face gets him every time

he somehow always knows what to do next-- where his partner wants to be touched or what position to switch into

power bottom. hes got those megan knees

jokes aside, at the end of the day armin is a sweetheart

all his observing and analyzing is so that he and his partner can have the best experience possible, but he also knows how to relax and just go with the flow

his only flaw is that he exclusively refers to sex as making love

next up we’ve got Eren 

gay gay homosexual gay

he doesnt even realize hes supposed to be attracted to girls until hes like 14 lol

hearing friends talk about crushes and realizing there are other women in the world besides Mikasa and his mom

hes conflicted about it for maybe 2 hours before jacking off to the thought of reiner’s tits and deciding he doesnt care

tries so hard to come across as suave but actually gets really nervous

the first time he has sex he nearly passes out from the pressure

but ofc thats young naïve eren. older jaded eren is kind of a whore :/

is sexy and unfortunately knows it

sends u up? texts to like 6 dudes at a time. armin drives to his house just to throw his phone at him. floch turns up 20 minutes later with an overnight bag.

top/dom but in a bratty way if that makes sense. fucks like hes got something to prove

his fav position is doggy + hand fisted in the hair

can be kind of an ass but its not usually intentional-- hits and calls them an uber right after

very much frat boy with a hidden heart of gold

Mikasa is a bit different

I hc her as a sex-positive asexual-- she doesnt get aroused on her own but enjoys the closeness that intercourse can bring

it was pretty alarming for her growing up. she thought she was broken :/

BUT adult mikasa is very comfortable in her ace identity 

shes tough but a girl at heart-- cheesy romance novels are her guilty pleasure

take her to a movie and ‘accidently’ have yalls hands touch in the popcorn bucket. give her a bouquet of red roses at a fancy french restaurant 

shell eat that shit up

likes kissing but is grossed out by spit 

prefers going along with her partner’s suggestions in the bedroom. mostly because she doesn’t really have preferences of her own

her partner losing their mind to pleasure like oh f-fuck Mika, shit baby and shes just watching them like 0_0

seeing them in such an intimate, vulnerable position makes her insides all warm and fuzzy

she isn’t afraid to say no though-- or knock someone out if her boundaries arent respected

LOVES aftercare. has an entire routine memorized

tl;dr strong woman mikasa can benchpress a truck but melts if you hold her hand

and last but certainly not least, we’ve got my man Jean

bi with a preference for women. is partial to dark hair

its,,, big lol

he’s like 6′3 and that shit is proportional

but he rarely brags bc mama raised a gentleman

long lashes, full bottom lip, broad chest with the smattering of chest hair? bro is kind of beautiful

bc of his blunt personality ppl expect him to be a jerk. which he def can be, but at his core he’s a sweet guy-- he just gets embarrassed easily

jean kirstein is a woman respecter and i will die on this hill

his love language is acts of service. hes always cooking his partner food and making sure they drink water. sends good morning and night texts and gets upset if they dont reply

he isn’t really into bottoming but i wouldn’t consider him a hard top? he’ll try most things at least once 

a talker-- sex with jean is pretty much a narrated experience

--fuck you feel so good i want you so bad take me just like that love--

it eventually turns into incoherent babbling 

praise really gets him going. his partner whispers in his ear how good he’s making them feel and he’s busting .002 seconds later

fav position is anything that’s face to face. loves holding them down so he can watch their expression change

breeding kink lmao

(that’s all ive got for now. lemme know who else yall want to see~)

[offbrandhange]

Wedding Day ! | 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

Fluff & NSFW headcanons on your wedding day/night with some of the AOT boys!

! Slight NSFW !

Warnings: Alcohol, mentions of sex, pregnancy. Fem ! reader.

Majority of this is fluff, but there are mentions of !BEEP! sooo yeah.

Characters: Armin, Eren, Erwin, Jean, Levi

a/n: I have to take my SAT tomorrow, please wish your girl good luck for those sweet, sweet good grades....

𝕬𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓 𝕬𝖗𝖑𝖊𝖗𝖙 ~

Helps you plan the wedding and possibly loves it even more than you do. He’s a sucker for quality time. 

Armin would prefer a small or medium-sized wedding. If you want a large wedding though, there’s no way he’s holding you back from having it. 

100% a beach wedding. No doubt.

The venue is BEAUTIFUL. Spent countless nights researching and visiting places to make sure you got the best.

Eren is chosen as the best man, although Armin feels guilty for having to pick only one out of all his friends.

On the day of the wedding, Armin is a panicking mess. Eren and Jean literally have to give him a pep talk before he goes to stand at the alter.

Practiced deep breathing techniques before the wedding. Unfortunately, they aren’t working.

When you finally walk down the isle, Armin starts crying softly. Eren put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him......which just made him sob harder. He cried multiple times during the wedding.

Your wedding rings are the set his grandfather and grandmother shared :’)

Specifically told the bartender not to serve Connie and Sasha more than 3 drinks. He doesn’t trust them making their own alcohol-related decisions at his wedding.

Armin isn’t a dancer but....he practiced how to slow dance just for you.

Shy at first when it comes to the more fast-paced dancing, but Jean coaxes him into it, and he ends up having a lot of fun.

The speeches are so nice!!! But mostly because Armin asked Mikasa to read them over before hand to make sure they were okay.

After the wedding ends and everyone has left, you and Armin sit and watch the waves at night.

NSFW below !

The beach was reserved...meaning it is now completely deserted. I am now politely reminding you, Armin is not a saint. Honeymoon sex on the beach, anybody?

The sex is slow and sweet; he takes his time with you and kisses you all over. It’s 100% the definition of, “making love.”

If you’re down for a kid right now, Armin’s down for a kid right now. He WILL try for a baby with you if it’s what you want.

After you made a mess of yourselves in the sand...Armin would probably let you sleep for a little bit as he watched the waves. He doesn’t want it to end yet.

When he’s finally content, he would carry you back to the hotel, trying not to wake you.

Super considerate dusting the sand off you, and then tucking you in bed. He’s totally cuddling you to sleep, too.

𝕰𝖗𝖊𝖓 𝕵𝖆𝖊𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

Pretty much gives you full control of the wedding planning; he only has a few requests.

Eren would be the type of dude to invite friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends. Your wedding is gonna be packed.

Has no idea what kind of wedding he prefers.

Please, god, don’t let him pick the venue. He will go to the first one, look around, and go, “Yeah, this is pretty nice.” That’s how you’ll end up getting married at an AirBNB with a nice backyard hidden behind the local Walmart.

Doesn’t know if he should make Armin or Zeke the best man, so he flips a coin to decide. It landed on Armin, and from that day on, Zeke was super salty.

Tries to convince you to try on the wedding dress/suit the day before. He can’t sleep that night because he’s so keyed up thinking about how pretty you’ll look.

On the day of the wedding, he’s super fucking ecstatic and practically bouncing all over the place.

Eren would get kind of impatient when waiting at the isle, to the point it would annoy the groomsmen. Jean came so close to saying something but was thankfully stopped by Armin.

When you finally walk down the isle, he’s BEAMING. He tears up a little bit out of happiness, but nothing too extreme.

Armin had to help him pick out the wedding rings otherwise you would’ve ended up with one of those plastic spider rings you win at Chuck e. Cheese’s.

Eren gets so fucking drunk you’re worried you might have to carry him back to the room by the end of the night.

Jean literally nit-picks everything Eren does the whole night....which almost ends up resulting in a drunken bar fight...at your wedding. It ends up fine, though, because Levi and Mikasa step in as bodyguards.

You SWEAR Mikasa is giving you dirty looks. Likewise, Eren SWEARS he’s getting dirty looks from Levi.

He does alright slow-dancing, but is so tipsy and distracted by how attractive you are to him, he’s kinda just....trying his best.

Absolutely OBLITERATES the dance floor when the fast-paced songs come on...

WILD assortment of speeches. Mikasa is crying, Armin’s reading a poem, Floch’s trying to get you to join his cult, Zeke is crying......and Eren is sitting there like, “Is this almost over.” You’d think it was America’s got talent, or something.

When the wedding ends, he 100% drags you to your favorite fast-food restaurant. Still in your wedding attire. Seriously, this dude is crazy, but he’s fun.

NSFW below !

When you get back to the hotel, he lets you eat your food--and then he fucks the shit out of you.

Way, way, way more rough than usual; super passionate sex. Multiple rounds, too. You don’t even KNOW how he has this much stamina by the end of the night.

Not even TRYING to get you pregnant, but his dumbass probably accidentally would.

Good luck trying to walk tomorrow!!!

When he’s finally tired, he is GONE. Like, you could scream bloody-murder and he still wouldn’t wake up.

𝕰𝖗𝖜𝖎𝖓 𝕾𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖍 ~

You can TRY and take that wedding planner from Erwin--the only way he’d give it to you is if you pried it from his cold, dead hand(s).

Tells people he’s married MONTHS before the wedding.

Everyone.....and I mean EVERYONE.....knows you’re getting married. he will walk up to strangers and brag about you.

Erwin invites everyone he sees. Elderly woman crossing the street? Invited. Barista at the coffee shop? Invited. Guy on the bus who offered him a seat? Invited.

All those people attend the wedding, too. Why? Everyone knows and loves Erwin. So when your wedding is literally PACKED with people you have never seen before--you’re only slightly surprised.

You know those reality shows where they have HUGE, expensive weddings? Your wedding would put theirs to shame. Erwin goes ALL OUT.

The venue? A literal castle. How did he manage to book and afford a castle? Don’t question it.

Your wedding dress doesn’t have a budget. Seriously, your wedding is crazy expensive--and straight out of a fairy tale.

You’re pretty sure Levi made himself the best man--and Erwin was fine with it.

Is super excited on the day of the wedding. He knows it’s going to be perfect; he got his eyebrows done just for the occasion.

When you walk down that isle his smile is SO BRIGHT. he is SHINING.

Yeah, those wedding rings? Imported from Italy, plastered with giant, real, diamonds. You will never be able to say Erwin doesn’t spoil you.

Pretty chill wedding, nothing’s too rowdy and everyone’s still having a good time.

Whispers sweet nothings and tells you how happy he is the whole night. He can’t go five minutes without saying, “I love you.”

Just TRY to get him to stop holding your hand; he won’t.

Erwin is so good at slow-dancing??? And he’s so careful with you, too. 100% the one in the lead, but he’s spinning and dipping you so sweetly. Not to mention the way he’s looking at you...

He’s a serious guy a lot of the time, but I honest to god believe in the sweetest way possible, you would genuinely have a really fun time fast-pace dancing with him. You would both be laughing at each other’s moves.

Majority of the speeches are super nice. Hange tried to get Levi to say something, brought him up to the stage and....he starred at the crowd for a couple awkward seconds, then walked off. He conveyed his message through his eyes, I guess?

The wedding is so long you weren’t sure it was ever going to end...

Hotel? Nah he booked that castle, that’s where you’re spending the night...

NSFW below !

You’re fucking in the king bed tonight baby, literally.

Pays attention to your needs/wants the WHOLE NIGHT. Seriously, he’s a soft dom, and makes sure you’re more than satisfied.

Tons of body worship?? He’s so sweet and careful with you.

Erwin secretly really, really wants to give you his babies and start a family with you on the honeymoon. If you’re willing, he will make sure he gets you pregnant; you’re getting no sleep.

After you’re done, he will run you two a bath and clean you off. He adds in a little bonus massage, too.

When you get in bed, he pets your head, cuddling you until you fall asleep. You could’ve sworn you saw him smiling before you drifted off to sleep.

𝕵𝖊𝖆𝖓 𝕶𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖎𝖓 ~

Jean would definitely help you plan the wedding--he values romance a lot, so having the perfect wedding for him and you, is important. He also doesn’t want to put all the weight on you.

Brags to his friends that he’s getting married--they all get tired of hearing about it.

Normal sized wedding--not too many, but not small, either. Lots of family and friends.

The venue is at a barn. Yes, he picked a barn. it’s a nice venue, too; the only problem is that he’s not going to be able to escape those horse jokes.

Marco is chosen as the best man--and when Connie hears about it, he sulks for a few days. He gets over it eventually, though.

He’s kind of nervous the day of--but Marco reassures him and teaches his some deep-breathing techniques.

Keeps his cool until he goes to stand at the alter--and then he’s in full-blown panic mode. “What if I can’t make her happy?” “What if she runs away with Eren?” meanwhile, Eren is standing right there with the other groomsmen, like “wtf?”

When you walk down the isle--he’s super overwhelmed. He feels a huge sense of relief you didn’t ditch him and run away, but also metaphorically hit by a semi-truck of emotions since he realized he’s ACTUALLY getting married. There’s a little bit of happy crying.

His mom picked out your wedding rings; you only find out when she brags about it--and Jean yells at her for telling you.

His wedding gift to you is a giant portrait he drew of you--and on the back, there’s a message in French. He won’t tell you what it says, but you’re pretty sure it’s an oath to love and protect you ‘till the day he dies.

He does pretty well slow-dancing. His mom also mentions he begged her to practice with him so he didn’t mess up.

He’s a little worried about making himself look like a fool dancing in front of you--but for you, he does it anyways; You both laugh your asses off and have a lot of fun.

The speeches make Jean look like he wants to drop dead from embarrassment. He’s not sure what’s worse--Connie and Sasha doing karaoke, Eren making horse jokes, or his mom telling all of his embarrassing baby stories.

After everyone leaves, Jean takes you to look at the animals before you leave, too.

NSFW below !

 As for honeymoon sex; you better not make a horse joke, otherwise you’re getting laid in that fucking barn. Maybe. He threatens that, but you know he wouldn’t want to have sex there on your wedding night. He’s 100% down for another time, though.

A mix of rough and sweet at the same time--he does the right things at the right times.

Is a lot more passionate and soft than usual--very careful with your body, and makes sure to really take everything in; He wants to remember the night for as long as he lives.

Immaculate aftercare; and on top of that, he lets you fall asleep in his arms, occasionally kissing your forehead.

Bonus: he sings you to sleep.

𝕷𝖊𝖛𝖎 𝕬𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓 ~

Lets you plan the wedding, but looks it over and makes sure there’s nothing too crazy happening. He, somehow, is worried you’re going to plan a circus or something else ridiculous to show up.

No one knows you’re getting married until the envelopes are mailed to family and friends. In fact, some people didn’t even know you were together.

Pretty small wedding, it’s mostly people who are very close to you two. It has a very homey-feel.

The venue HAS to be indoors. Levi thinks an outdoor wedding is unsanitary--so you end up getting married in a banquet hall.

Erwin is 1000% the best man. You don’t even have to ask, you already know it’s going to be Erwin.

Is literally shaking and sweating his ass off he’s so nervous the day of the wedding--if anyone asks, though, he swears he is fine. Has no idea it’s completely obvious he’s on the verge of absolutely freaking out.

Erwin and Hange try to get him to relax--but he continues to deny that he is in fact, NOT calm.

When you walk down the isle and he makes eye contact with you--his brain short-circuits. His mind literally stops working and is constantly repeating, “p...p...pre....pretty..” the whole damn time.

Mentally saves the image of you in your dress/suit to use as his motivation to always come home to you.

Tries to remain expressionless, but is literally tomato-red and on the verge of crying; he never thought he’d be able to find happiness--it feels like everything is finally going to be okay. Erwin is smiling like a proud dad, and Hange is trying to suppress their amazement that the dude’s showing emotion.

Your wedding rings are fairly plain--but on the inside of the bands, both of your names are etched.

He won’t read the vows out loud, he simply hands you a letter and tells you to read it another time.

When the time comes to kiss--Levi literally hides behind you and shyly pulls you in. The view the audience gets is your back--and they aren’t sure whether to clap or not.

Your wedding gift to him was a giant assortment of different teas--and he genuinely seemed really excited to try them. He didn’t realize it, but when he mentioned tasting them, he said, “with you” at the end.

Has no idea how to slow dance. Erwin tried to help him, but it didn’t do much, so you teach him on the spot. Your first dance, he concentrates really hard on not messing up, eyebrows furrowed and all.

Doesn’t know how to dance fast-pace either, in fact, he’s pretty confused. You have to grab the man and force him out of his comfort zone, spinning him and all. Hange and the Survey Corp members are laughing their ass off at his bewildered face.

The speeches went pretty well--except for when Hange didn’t stop talking; Levi threatened to force them off the stage, and you don’t think he was joking.

The wedding was fairly short--but only because Levi rushed everyone home; he just wanted to drag you off and keep you to himself for the rest of the day.

After the wedding, he takes you to a spot nearby to watch the sunset. He has a soft smile, and you can tell he’s genuinely happy.

You take HIM back to the hotel--he would’ve been fine staying there just a little longer, in the peace of it all.

NSFW below !

You’re literally taking his virginity. He saved himself for marriage; he wanted to make sure he gave himself to the right person.

Very nervous--and kind of insecure, too. He isn’t sure what you’ll think of him, and he’s worried about you seeing his scars. He STILL isn’t completely convinced you really want him.

Lots of body worship and reassuring him; he melts at your touch.

Once he gets comfortable and into it, he repeats “I love you” a lot.

He doesn’t last very long...but keeps going until you get off, too. He’s still a little confused by everything, so you have to teach him.

He’s half asleep after cumming--but still insists the two of you need to get in the shower.

Was too tired to stand, so you took a bath together instead. He falls asleep, leaning on you, when you massage his head.

You end up being unable to wake him up--the man is dead tired from not only sleep deprivation, the long day, but also his first time.

You can’t get him out of the bathtub, either--he’s too bulky to lift. You expected him to be much lighter due to his height, but his muscle makes him a lot more heavy.

Hange and Erwin have to be called to haul his ass--naked--out of the tub and into the bed. Hange is of no help since they’re laughing so hard--and Erwin is helping, but trying so hard not to break face and laugh too.

After they leave, you cover him up and cuddle into his frame; you could swear you heard a quiet, “thank you.”

[shiorihyugawrites]

The Devil's Bride

Aurora Jaeger, Eren's long-lost childhood friend, was taken from him when they were children. After years of suffering under Marleyan control, Aurora is reunited with Eren while he’s undercover in Marley, igniting a bond neither of them expected. Despite her gentle nature, Aurora breaks her vow of pacifism to save Eren’s life, solidifying their deep connection. Secretly married before the Raid on Liberio, Aurora is swept into Eren's world of chaos and destruction. As the Scouts learn of her existence, tensions rise on the airship home. Mikasa’s heart shatters, and Levi demands answers. And Eren will stop at nothing to protect the only light left in his dark world—his bride, Aurora.

In this journey of love, loyalty, and war, Aurora must reconcile her innocent heart with the brutal reality of the man she loves, while Eren faces the truth of what he’s become. (Eren x OC)

Chapter Seventeen

The meeting room was dimly lit, the atmosphere thick with tension. Levi sat at the head of the long table, arms crossed, his expression as cold and unreadable as ever. The rest of the Scouts—Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Floch, and Hange—sat around him, along with Commander Pyxis and Commander Nile. The Premier sat across from Levi, his eyes sharp as he surveyed the gathered group.

Levi’s distrust hung in the air, palpable and weighty. He had always been someone who trusted few, but since their return from Marley, his suspicions had deepened. Too many things didn’t add up. And right now, at the center of his distrust, were three people: Historia, Aurora, and Floch.

“This situation with Eren is getting out of hand,” Levi began, his voice calm but laced with tension. “But it’s not just Eren. Something else is going on, and it involves more than just him.”

The others exchanged glances, sensing where this was heading. Mikasa, seated stiffly beside Armin, clenched her fists in her lap, clearly uncomfortable.

“Go on,” Pyxis said, leaning forward with interest. “You’ve been keeping something to yourself, Captain Levi. What is it you suspect?”

Levi’s gaze hardened as he glanced at each of them in turn. “Historia.”

At the mention of the queen’s name, several heads turned in surprise. Hange raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued, while Jean’s expression shifted to one of uncertainty.

“What about her?” Armin asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Levi leaned forward slightly, his eyes narrowing. “She’s hiding something. I’ve known Historia for years, and her behavior lately doesn’t sit right with me. Ever since she and Eren grew close after the Reiss chapel incident, something changed between them. She’s more involved in his plans than she’s letting on.”

Mikasa’s brow furrowed as she glanced up, looking conflicted. “Historia is our queen. Eren trusts her.”

“Exactly,” Levi snapped, his tone sharp. “And that’s the problem. Eren trusts her more than he trusts anyone else here—besides maybe Floch.”

All eyes turned to Floch, who stiffened in his seat but did his best to keep his composure. His hands were folded neatly on the table, his face a mask of forced calm.

“Why would Eren ask you to watch over his wife?” Levi continued, turning his piercing gaze to Floch. “Out of all the people in this room, why you? When did you and Eren even get that close?”

Floch shifted uncomfortably, his eyes darting around the room. He had expected questions, but Levi’s directness was unnerving. “Eren trusts me,” Floch replied, trying to sound casual. “He knows I’ll follow through with what needs to be done.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed even further. “Follow through with what exactly?”

Floch held up his hands defensively. “Look, Eren told me to make sure Aurora was safe. That’s all. He knows what’s coming and didn’t want her caught in the crossfire.”

Hange leaned forward, her eyes gleaming with interest. “Caught in the crossfire of what, Floch? Eren clearly has bigger plans than just protecting his wife, doesn’t he?”

Floch hesitated, his jaw clenching as he tried to figure out the best way to deflect. “I’m not involved in Eren’s personal plans,” he lied smoothly. “I’m just following orders. Eren knew we’d be going through some chaotic times, and he didn’t want Aurora hurt.”

Levi didn’t buy it for a second. His cold eyes remained fixed on Floch. “You’re hiding something, just like Historia. You and her, you’re both in cahoots with Eren. And whatever Eren’s planning, it involves more than just protecting some runaway slave from Marley.”

Mikasa’s gaze flickered between Levi and Floch, her heart pounding. She didn’t trust Floch either, but Eren’s secrecy was killing her. Why was he keeping so much from them? From her?

“I don’t understand what you’re implying, Captain,” Floch said, his voice tightening. “Eren is doing what he thinks is best for Paradis. He’s trying to protect us.”

“Protect us from what?” Jean interjected, leaning forward, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “From Marley? From the world? Eren didn’t tell any of us about his plans before we went to Liberio. He dragged us along, forced us to fight, and now we’re all stuck cleaning up his mess.”

“Eren has his reasons,” Floch replied defensively. “He’s doing what has to be done.”

Levi’s gaze remained fixed on Floch, unwavering. “And Historia? What’s her role in all of this?”

Floch’s lips tightened. “She’s the queen. Eren trusts her to keep the people in line. That’s it.”

“That’s not it,” Levi retorted, his voice low and dangerous. “I’ve seen the way Historia’s been acting. She’s too calm. Too composed. She knows more than she’s letting on. And if she’s in on whatever Eren’s planning, then we’re in for something much bigger than any of us realize.”

Pyxis, who had been quietly observing the exchange, spoke up at last. “Levi’s right. Queen Historia has been acting... unusually reserved, given the situation. Normally, I’d expect more out of her, especially given the precarious nature of Paradis right now.”

“And what about Aurora?” Commander Nile asked, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. “She’s clearly involved as well, but she hasn’t told us much. She’s just as suspicious.”

Levi nodded grimly. “Aurora’s hiding something, too. She claims she doesn’t know about Eren’s plans, but her loyalty to him is too strong. She’s hiding information. Between her, Historia, and Floch, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve all been working with Eren for longer than we think.”

Floch’s jaw clenched, his fingers tightening around the edge of the table. “That’s a baseless accusation.”

“It’s not,” Levi countered, his voice cold. “I don’t trust any of you. Not right now.”

Mikasa, who had been quiet throughout most of the exchange, suddenly spoke up, her voice strained. “Eren’s always had his own way of doing things, but he’s never gone this far before. Whatever he’s planning... it’s not just about Marley, is it?”

Levi’s eyes flickered to Mikasa, his expression softening for a brief moment. “No,” he said quietly. “It’s not just about Marley. It’s bigger than that.”

The room remained tense as the conversation shifted. Levi’s suspicions about Historia, Aurora, and Floch had set an uneasy tone, but now the conversation veered into even darker territory. Premier Zachary sat at the head of the table, his fingers steepled as he looked over the group with a calculating expression. Commander Pyxis and Commander Nile exchanged wary glances, both of them clearly deep in thought.

“We have bigger concerns now than just Eren’s loyalty,” Premier Zachary began, his voice low and measured. “His actions in Liberio have set a dangerous precedent. The world knows now that we are a threat, and Marley will not let this go unanswered. They will retaliate, and soon.”

Hange, who had been silently absorbing everything, leaned forward with a troubled look. “It’s not just Marley. The entire world saw Eren attack Liberio, kill civilians, and consume the War Hammer Titan. The world will come for us, and we need to be prepared for that.”

Jean crossed his arms, his brow furrowed. “Prepared how? We don’t have the numbers or the technology to stand against the entire world. Marley alone is a nightmare, but if the other nations unite against us...”

Sasha shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “They’re going to come after us with everything they have. Eren didn’t just provoke Marley—he provoked the entire world.”

Connie sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I hate to say it, but they’re right. The world isn’t going to forgive us for what Eren did.”

Levi remained silent, his sharp eyes flickering between the faces of the others. He agreed with their concerns, but his mind was still focused on Historia and Aurora. The fact that Eren had refused to answer any questions during his interrogation, yet had given specific instructions to Historia to take Aurora under her care, left Levi uneasy. There was more going on beneath the surface, and Eren was orchestrating something they didn’t fully understand.

“Then there’s Aurora,” Nile said, breaking the silence. His voice was cautious, but there was a note of suspicion in it. “We still don’t know her full role in all of this. Eren’s secrecy regarding her is unsettling. If she’s important enough to Eren that he sent her to Historia, there’s a chance she’s more involved than we think.”

Hange nodded in agreement. “And she’s not just some random woman from Marley. She was with Eren for seven months, and from what we’ve gathered, she was actively helping him. Eren’s transformations during the raid on Liberio were unnaturally frequent, and Aurora admitted to making elixirs that boosted his stamina.”

Jean raised an eyebrow. “Elixirs? Do we even know how reliable they are? She claims they helped him, but for all we know, she could be lying. Maybe it wasn’t her potions at all.”

Levi crossed his arms, his voice hard and cold. “It doesn’t matter whether her elixirs worked or not. The fact that Eren trusts her enough to involve her in his plans is what concerns me. He’s gone rogue, and she’s playing a part in whatever game he’s running.”

“Her Majesty’s involvement is just as concerning,” Commander Pyxis added, his tone thoughtful. “Eren’s relationship with Queen Historia has always been... unusual. The Queen has a lot of influence, and if she’s compromised, we could be dealing with more than just Eren’s rogue actions.”

Levi nodded grimly. “She’s compromised. There’s no doubt about it. Eren has Historia’s loyalty, and now he has Aurora in her care. We’re losing control of the situation.”

Mikasa, who had been listening in silence, suddenly spoke up, her voice shaking slightly. “Eren isn’t our enemy. He’s doing what he thinks is best for Paradis. He’s always fought for our freedom.”

Levi’s gaze snapped toward her, his eyes narrowing. “He’s gone rogue, Mikasa. He dragged us into a war without consulting anyone, and now we’re all paying the price.”

Mikasa clenched her fists, her eyes blazing with defiance. “He did what he had to. If we don’t fight back, Marley and the rest of the world will destroy us. Eren isn’t the problem—the world is.”

“Be that as it may,” Premier Zachary interjected, his voice cold and detached, “we cannot ignore the fact that Eren’s actions have endangered us all. We need to consider the possibility of removing him from power.”

A stunned silence filled the room.

“Remove him?” Armin echoed, his face paling. “What do you mean?”

Premier Zachary’s gaze turned steely. “We’ve been discussing options, and it’s clear that Eren’s intentions are no longer aligned with our own. He’s become a liability. We can’t risk leaving the Founding Titan’s power in the hands of someone who refuses to cooperate with the military.”

Levi remained silent, but his eyes darkened as he listened.

Commander Nile leaned forward, his expression serious. “There is another option. We could feed Eren to someone else—someone we trust. Someone who would follow orders and use the power of the Founding Titan responsibly.”

The suggestion hung heavy in the air, the weight of it crushing. Mikasa’s eyes widened in horror, and she shot to her feet, her hands slamming against the table.

“No!” she shouted, her voice shaking with emotion. “You can’t do that! Eren... Eren is trying to protect us! You can’t just... just kill him!”

“Mikasa...” Armin began softly, his face full of concern.

Mikasa’s eyes were wild, her breath coming in quick, uneven bursts. “He’s our friend! He’s saved us so many times! How can you even suggest something like that?”

Premier Zachary’s expression remained impassive. “This isn’t about friendship, Mikasa. It’s about the survival of Paradis. Eren’s reckless actions have put us all at risk, and if we don’t take control of the situation, we could lose everything.”

Hange spoke up, her voice more cautious. “I don’t think any of us want to see Eren harmed. But we need to consider the possibility that Eren’s path is leading us to destruction. We have to weigh all our options.”

Mikasa’s fists trembled as she stood there, her eyes blazing with emotion. “I won’t let you kill him,” she said, her voice low but full of determination. “I don’t care what it takes—I’ll protect him.”

Levi sighed, rubbing his temples. “Mikasa, no one wants to kill him. But if Eren keeps this up, he’ll end up getting himself killed, and all of us along with him.”

Mikasa’s gaze softened slightly, but her resolve remained firm. “There has to be another way. We can talk to him. Make him understand.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “He refused to talk during his interrogation. The only person he’s willing to communicate with is Historia. That should tell you everything you need to know.”

Jean spoke up, his voice strained. “Eren isn’t the same person he used to be. He’s different now. We all see it.”

Connie nodded in agreement. “He’s... distant. Cold. I don’t even recognize him anymore.”

Sasha glanced at Mikasa, her face full of sympathy. “But he’s still our friend, right? We owe it to him to at least try to talk to him before we make any decisions.”

Levi remained silent for a long moment before finally speaking. “We’ll try. But if Eren’s too far gone, we need to be prepared for the worst.”

The room fell into a tense silence once again. Mikasa slowly sank back into her chair, her face pale and full of despair. Armin placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, his expression grim.

Premier Zachary broke the silence, his voice cold and firm. “For now, we monitor Eren closely. No decisions will be made until we have more information. But if Eren continues down this path, we will have to take action—whether you like it or not.”

The meeting ended on that heavy note, each member of the group leaving the room with the weight of uncertainty on their shoulders. Eren was still in his cell, Floch, Historia and Aurora remained enshrouded in suspicion, and the looming threat of Marley’s retaliation hung over them like a storm cloud.

…

The cold stone corridors of the prison were eerily silent as Mikasa made her way to Eren's cell. The dim light from the torches flickered against the walls, casting long shadows that seemed to stretch endlessly. Her heart pounded in her chest, each step heavier than the last. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be here—especially not alone—but she had to talk to him. She had to warn him.

Eren had always been someone she thought she understood, but lately, it was like staring at a stranger. The man who sat behind the bars now, stoic and unreachable, wasn’t the boy she had fought beside for years. But despite everything—the pain, the confusion, the heartbreak—she needed to see him. She needed to tell him about what the military was planning. If anyone had a chance of getting through to him, it had to be her. Or so she thought.

As she reached Eren’s cell, her breath hitched. There he sat, on the simple wooden bench, his gaze fixed ahead, completely unfazed by the world around him. His long hair hung messily over his face, and the shadows of the bars cut across his features. He didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge her presence as she approached.

“Eren,” Mikasa whispered, gripping the cold metal bars. “I need to talk to you.”

Still, he said nothing. His eyes remained distant, staring at something only he could see.

Mikasa clenched her fists. She knew he had changed, but this silence—it was infuriating. “Eren, you have to listen to me. The military is planning something. They’re talking about replacing you… passing your titan powers to someone else.”

Eren’s eyes flickered briefly, but he remained silent, his expression unreadable.

“Eren!” Mikasa’s voice was harsher now, a mix of desperation and frustration. “Do you even care? Do you understand what they’re saying? They want to kill you and pass your powers to someone else!”

Still, no response. His face remained calm, stoic, as if the weight of her words meant nothing to him.

Mikasa’s heart twisted in her chest. This wasn’t the Eren she knew—the boy who fought with everything he had, who raged against the world, who wanted to save everyone. This man before her seemed… resigned, unmoved by the threat looming over him. But she couldn’t give up. She wouldn’t give up.

“I’ve always been by your side,” Mikasa continued, her voice breaking slightly. “I’ve fought for you, protected you, and now you’re just… sitting there like nothing matters. Don’t you understand? They’re going to make a decision soon, and if you don’t do something, they’ll—”

Eren finally moved, his eyes shifting to meet hers. But instead of the anger or determination she expected, there was only calm detachment. His lips parted, and he spoke, his voice low and indifferent.

“I don’t care what they’re planning.”

Mikasa’s breath caught in her throat. “What…?”

“I already have a plan in motion,” Eren continued, his tone unwavering. “Let them plot all they want. It doesn’t matter. As long as Aurora is safe with Historia, everything is going according to plan.”

Mikasa’s heart sank at the mention of Aurora’s name, her stomach twisting painfully. Of course, it was about Aurora. Everything was about her now. Mikasa’s chest tightened with a mix of jealousy, anger, and heartbreak. She had always thought—no, she had always believed—that she and Eren shared something special, something deeper than friendship. She had devoted herself to him, protected him, loved him. But in the end, none of it mattered, did it? Because Eren had chosen someone else.

“You…” Her voice trembled, barely keeping the tears at bay. “You don’t care about me at all, do you?”

Eren’s expression didn’t change. “Mikasa, this isn’t about you. It’s about the future of Paradis. I’m doing what needs to be done.”

“What needs to be done?” Mikasa’s frustration bubbled over, and before she could stop herself, she was lashing out. “You ran off in Marley! You left us—left me—without saying anything! You didn’t care about how any of us felt! And then you come back, dragging us into your plan, and now we find out that you’ve married some woman we don’t even know?!”

Eren’s eyes remained on her, unblinking. “Mikasa…”

“No!” Mikasa’s voice cracked, the pain in her heart spilling out as she pressed her forehead against the cold bars, her hands gripping them tightly. “You don’t understand, do you? I’ve always thought… I’ve always hoped that one day it would be us. That we’d fight side by side, survive together… and maybe—maybe we’d finally be together. But now—now you’ve married her.”

Mikasa could barely breathe, her emotions overwhelming her. She felt exposed, vulnerable, something she had never allowed herself to be. She had held back her feelings for so long, always hoping that someday Eren would see her the way she saw him. But now, all those hopes were shattered.

Eren’s expression softened slightly, but his voice remained distant. “Mikasa… you’ve always been important to me. But I’m doing this for Paradis. For the future.”

“For Paradis?” Mikasa whispered, her voice trembling. “Or for her?”

Silence stretched between them, heavy and unbearable. Mikasa could see the truth in his eyes—Eren wasn’t the boy she had grown up with, the boy who once cared for her as deeply as she cared for him. He was focused on something far beyond their relationship, far beyond anything she could understand.

“Mikasa,” Eren said softly, his voice almost gentle. “I love Aurora.”

The words hit her like a physical blow, knocking the breath from her lungs. She had already known, but hearing him say it out loud made it real in a way she wasn’t prepared for.

Eren continued, “This isn’t about choosing between you or her. It’s about the path I’ve chosen. I’m going to end this war, no matter the cost. I can’t afford to be distracted.”

Mikasa’s shoulders slumped, her heart shattering into a million pieces. She had fought for so long, for so many reasons. But the one thing she had never been able to fight for—Eren’s love—was lost to her forever.

“I just want you to be safe,” Eren added, his voice distant again. “But I can’t be the person you want me to be.”

Tears welled in her eyes, but Mikasa blinked them back, refusing to let him see her break down. “I don’t care about your plans anymore, Eren,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I just… I just wanted you to care.”

Without another word, Mikasa turned and walked away, leaving Eren behind, locked in his cell—locked in a future she could no longer reach.

As she made her way out of the prison, her heart ached with the weight of unspoken words, unfulfilled hopes, and the realization that the Eren she had loved was gone, replaced by someone she barely recognized. Someone who had chosen a different path, a different life—one that didn’t include her.

…

 Eren watched Mikasa's retreating figure disappear down the dim hallway, a knot tightened in his chest. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, not like this. The weight of her words lingered, hanging in the silence of his cell. Mikasa had always been by his side, loyal to a fault, but the reality was, he couldn’t give her what she wanted. His path had been decided long before, and Aurora… Aurora had come into his life like a sudden, unstoppable force.

He leaned back against the cold stone wall of the cell, staring up at the ceiling. How had things come to this? He never intended for it to go this far, for any of this to happen. The world had grown darker and more complicated, and so had he. His journey had stripped him of the boy he used to be, replacing him with a hardened man willing to burn the world for his people’s freedom. But then Aurora had reappeared, and for the first time in a long while, he had felt… something. Hope, maybe. Warmth. A sense of belonging that had eluded him for so long.

Meeting her again had not been part of his plan. Neither was falling in love with her. Eren closed his eyes, the memories of their time together in the cabin flooding his mind—the late nights, the quiet mornings, her laughter, her smile. He hadn’t expected any of it, but it had happened, and now that he had her, he could never regret it.

The time spent in that cabin had saved him. It had kept him grounded, kept him from plunging completely into the abyss of anger and despair that had consumed so much of his soul. Aurora had given him a reason to hold on to some part of himself, to remember that he wasn’t just a weapon, a tool of destruction. She had reminded him that there was still something worth living for, even amidst the chaos of his plans for the rumbling.

Eren thought back to the days they spent in the cabin, hidden away from the world, where he could forget for a while that he was the devil of Paradis, that he was the key to unleashing unimaginable destruction. In those moments, when he held Aurora close, when they talked about everything and nothing, he was just… Eren. And that was enough.

He hadn’t planned on marrying her. But the thought had come so naturally after everything they had been through together. Their love had been forged in secrecy, in quiet defiance of the world that had tried to break them both. Aurora had seen the darkest parts of him, witnessed his ruthlessness, and yet she had stayed. She had chosen him, despite it all, and in return, he had vowed to love and protect her with everything he had.

Now, as he sat in the cold silence of the cell, Eren felt the weight of the world pressing down on him again. The rumbling was coming. The world would burn. He had made his choice, and there was no going back. But even as he prepared for the unimaginable destruction that was to come, his thoughts kept circling back to Aurora.

She was his anchor, the one person who kept him tethered to whatever humanity he had left. And despite the guilt gnawing at him for what he had done to Mikasa, he couldn’t regret his decision. He was in love with Aurora, and that love was the only thing that kept the darkness from consuming him completely.

Eren opened his eyes, staring at the iron bars of his cell. He had made his choices. He would unleash the rumbling, he would protect Paradis, and he would do everything in his power to keep Aurora safe. That was the one thing he could still hold on to. In a world filled with uncertainty and chaos, his love for her remained unshakable. She was his future, his reason to fight, and the one thing he refused to lose, no matter what the cost.

With a deep breath, Eren leaned his head back against the wall, his mind already shifting to the plans ahead. The time for reflection was over. Soon, the real battle would begin, and when it did, he would make sure that Aurora—his wife, his love—would have the future she deserved. A future free from fear. A future he would carve out for her with his own hands.

He knew Mikasa would never understand that, not fully. But this wasn’t about what she wanted or expected from him. This was about what he had to do. And he would do it—for Aurora, for Paradis, and for the freedom they both deserved.

~

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[m-jelly]

If you don’t mind me requesting a Levi x reader where reader takes the place of armin when Levi has to decide on who to give the serum. He was going to give it to reader at first but later floch came with Erwin. It’s a very difficult choice having to choose between Erwin and reader

I don't mind at all! <3 Happy to do requests <3

You got it! Personally, I would have chosen Erwin instead of Armin, but shhh I don't wanna start a fight with the Armin fans.

I only do happy endings, so you all know who he's gonna pick, but I have to make it hurt for a bit ;)

My best friend, or the love of my life.

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Genre and tags: Canon world, angst, sad Levi, Levi makes a choice, secret love, secret romance, happy ending, Levi needs a hug.

Concept: Levi and you have had a very secret and passionate relationship behind closed doors, which no one knows about but Hange suspects. When your burned up body is brought to him, he knows he has to save you. However, when Floch brings Erwin's body, he along with others want Erwin to be saved. Levi has to choose between his best friend or the love of his life who will live.

Rage. All Levi felt was rage inside him. He was tired as well and just wanted to go back to the base and be loved by you for as long as your body could stand it.

He joined everyone on the roof when it was all over and the town was quiet. He looked around for you, but couldn't see you with the others. He saw Hange arrive and people talking.

Levi walked over to his friend. "Tch, you look like shit."

"I feel like it."

Levi gulped hard as he felt his worry kick in. "Have you seen?"

Hange smiled a little. "Seen who?"

Levi blushed a little. "Nothing."

Hange said your name. "No, I haven't. She wasn't with me, she was with Armin and the others taking on Bertholdt. I'm sure she's okay."

"Captain!" Hange and Levi watched Jean carrying a very burnt body with the cadets following him. He ran over, then lay the burned body down. "Captain, help. She gave her life to save us. Give her the serum."

Levi walked closer, then looked down at the body. He eyed the figure, then noticed a ring on the right hand. Levi's eyes widened when he remembered that he had gifted you that ring. He said your name and knelt next to you. "Fuck. What happened!? The fuck did you lot do?"

Mikasa walked closer. "She saved us. Please, save her. We have Bertholdt for her to consume."

Levi gulped hard, then pulled out the case and opened it. He stared at the needle and serum and felt his heart hurting at the thought of you becoming a titan. Once he turned you into the colossal titan, your years alive would be numbered. It saddened him that your days would be numbered, but he would find a way to cure you. He wanted to tell people he loved you and he wanted to marry you.

"Wait!" Floch landed on the roof, then moved a body off him. "The Commander is still alive! Give him the serum."

Levi stared at his dear friend and gulped hard, then he looked at you. "I..."

"We need the Commander! Are you really going to waste the serum on some weak cadet?"

Mikasa clenched her jaw. "She's a hero. She saved us all."

Floch stood up. "Then let her die a hero! She won't do anything for us, but the Commander knows things! The Commander will lead us to victory."

Levi felt his anger build up. "Enough! This is my choice." Levi reached for Erwin, but he slapped his hand away. Levi gulped hard, then looked at Hange. "Hange?"

She looked to Erwin, then at Levi. "I don't know what to tell you. This choice is a hard one for you. Your heart is split between a man you're loyal to, or to...well."

Levi lowered his head and clenched his case. "I hate this."

"Pick the choice that you will regret the least."

Levi stared at Erwin as he barely breathed, then he looked at you breathing slowly. He let out a long sigh and imagined a life without Erwin but you in it, then he imagined a life with Erwin and you gone. Levi knew the one that he could live through with the least amount of regrets. He saw a big and bright future with one.

Levi grabbed your arm, then injected you. "You're my future and the love of my life. I just can't let you go."

Levi sat next to Erwin and Hange as he watched the cadets move you. He looked down at Erwin to see his breathing slow. He looked back over at you as you turned into a titan. His eye widened at how you looked. Levi hated titans, but you were really beautiful. He looked away when you started the consuming.

Hange opened Erwin's eyes and sighed. "He's dead."

Levi felt the pain inside him. "Oh..." He looked back to see you'd finished. He got up and ran over as he shouted your name. He kept running, then pushed the cadets out of the way and pulled you out of the titan to see you were alive. He held you close, then listened to your chest to hear your heart beating. He hugged you and let the tears fall. "I've got you." He carried you in his arms and held you close. "I've got you." He sat down with you, then looked over at Hange. "I'm sorry."

Hange smiled and cried a little. "Don't say sorry. I would have picked her as well." She rubbed her tears. "Our duty is to Erwin and he was a great friend, but there's just something about her." She slid over. "Can I hug her?"

Levi handed you over. "Yeah."

Hange hugged you tightly and allowed herself to cry. "We're going to have a lot of fun testing."

"Don't push her too much."

"I won't." She handed you back to Levi. "She'll be upset when she wakes up that you chose her, but also happy that you love her as much as you do."

Levi looked at your right hand at your ring. "I chose who I had a future with. Erwin just wanted to get into the basement, then he'd want to stop all titans, but then what?" He rubbed your cheek. "But with her, there's marriage, children and a teashop."

Hange smiled. "Yeah."

"It's not selfish of me, right?"

Hange shook her head. "She's inspiring to the cadets. She has a big and deep heart for others. Her drive is to help all those in need. She has control, so I think she'll have great control over her titan ability. The titan she is will lead the charge, as well as protect. She's a great choice."

Levi smiled, then leaned down and kissed you. "I love you so, so, so much." He kissed you again for a little longer. "No more hiding us. I promise."