#flat and moody. but hearing it really cheered him up!! i’m so happy for him 🥹 i hope he gets back into following cbr hockey

[puckpocketed]

Today, I found out that one of my regulars used to be the keyboard/organist guy for my local hockey team wayyyy back before there was an AIHL. i love you my beautiful small city i love you my tiny community i love you canberra hockey whose roots run deep and wide i LOVE you my regular customers who i keep learning new things about every single year even though it’s been 4 years <33

[sitp-recs]

(Perfect artwork for Modern Love, by @cambiodipolvere)

Today is the day of one of my favorite people! And I totally resent @tackytigerfic and Starry for almost sharing the same birthday, god the STRESS 😂 Tacky is my first and closest fandom friend. We clicked together so fast and easy that sometimes it feels like I’ve known her all my life, like we’re two dog moms living in the same neighborhood who happen to read fic in their free time. Despite our conflicting time zones and crazy schedules we manage to chat every other day, tagging and sending each other all kinds of stuff, coming together to cry scream about a brilliant fic we’ve just read or shaking our heads in embarrassment at every other unnecessary bullshit post. Tacky’s bright and wise energy uplifts my spirit even on my moody days, and makes me grateful for her friendship and for this fandom life. Okay so this got long and I had to put the rest under the cut:

It’s such a lovely and precious thing, to have someone with whom you can share every single thought that crosses your mind, your scariest, most embarrassing, petty or disturbing idea, without fear of being shamed or judged by it. I trust Tacky with all my heart to hear me out, share a joke or a piece of advice, even on the (rare) occasions when we don’t get the same perspective - that doesn’t happen often when it comes to Drarry, as we are taste twins!

Tacky my darling, you’re such a good person, and such an incredible friend. Thank you for introducing me to this lovely community, for being my safe haven and your unique self, with so many qualities I admire and feel inspired by: kind, witty, earnest, wise, and so very human. I love your humour and empathy, and your chill yet no-nonsense personality; I love your talent and how articulated you are; I love your passion for Drarry, and how you let this emotion inform the way you navigate the fandom and create for it. And god, but you’ve been creating some of the most beautiful content I’ve seen in these recent years! I’m permanently in awe of your ability to write Drarry in any shape, format or length, transforming even the most ordinary moment into an extraordinary and meaningful piece of character or relationship development. You know how you mentioned yesterday that some authors change the way you feel about a ship in a deep, definitive way? Well, you are that author for me. Your works made me fall in love with M-rated contemplative romance, and also allowed me to fall in love with Harry in a way I never thought it was possible before.

Some people - myself included - got to know you through the fun and intriguing A Lick and a Promise, others through the atmospheric and sensitive Modern Love, others through your contemplative and heartbreaking short form. Each story has its merits and purpose, and all of them share a Tacky trademark: the heartkick factor! Your talent has no limits and goes across different genres and tropes, that you explore with a bold twist full of personality and heart. And even more impressive is your consistency at always raising the bar - every new fic of yours becomes an instant fave and makes me think “wow I thought Tacky couldn’t get better yet here we are”. Seeing how your writing evolves as you find your narrative voice is a beautiful and humbling experience, I feel so lucky!

I’m really grateful for being active in the fandom at this moment in time, because that allows me to read and engage with your brilliant work, and to have you as a dear friend. I can’t wait to see what comes out of your beautiful brain next. It was an impossible job choosing a single fic to rec today, so I decided to do a belated Tacky reclist! Naturally these are my personal and biased must-reads, and I urge everyone to go check these beauties right now. Feel free to include your own favorites too, and don’t forget to leave them some appreciation.

Happy happy birthday my darling Tacky! This fandom life wouldn’t be the same without you. I hope you have the amazing day you deserve!

Between the Power Lines (2020, M, 3.2k)

The road trip fic you didn’t know you needed. I got utterly immersed in the heartbreaking quietness of this, feeling like a witness to an ordinary yet poignant love story. Such tender intimacy, such character development, such lovely American aesthetics with barely any dialogue. This is, IMO, the fic that reveals Tacky’s triumph in storytelling.

Even the Night (2020, M, 3.4k)

This fic has a surreal atmosphere, those Midsummer vibes unbelievably sexy and intoxicating linked to the sensorial experience of fumbling together in the night. Masterclass in tension building, a silky and languid dream-like affair.

Aim for my Heart (2021, M, 3.4k) - Harry/Draco/Ron

One of the most sensitive and stunning portraits I’ve ever seen of a poly/triad relationship, this fic packs so much character and longing! It’s a privilege to watch Ron and Draco’s tentative dynamics through the smitten eyes of the one person that loves them like no one else: Harry.

The Long Fall (2021, M, 3.6k)

I can’t even write about this tender domesticity without getting a lump in my throat. Best opening scene I’ve read in years, and a refreshing way to approach both mpreg and parenthood, painfully honest and lovely. This became an immediate comfort read for me, and it’s probably one of the fics I revisit the most.

Mortal Frame (2021, M, 6.6k)

This thrilling, fast-paced spy story left me breathless since the first paragraph, gods what an immersive ride! I’m so here for Drarry on the run, sharp and urgent with danger but mellowed by the silent trust and tender intimacy only Tacky can master. Major bonus points for the brilliant take on the Horcrux hunt plot line!

Last Offices (2020, M, 6.7k)

Oh, this fic 💔 I tend to avoid MCD but there’s something so deeply fascinating about body washing rituals that I caught myself mesmerized by this. I just couldn’t put it down, so emotionally compromised I felt. There’s a sort of strange comfort in the heartbreak of doing one last act of service out of devotion to someone. This fic inspired so many difficult but lovely feelings in me, and one of them was hope. Only Tacky could possibly achieve that!

Our Little Life (2020, M, 7.2k)

Inventive and singular, this story hit me straight on the solar plexus and left me speechless as I saw the (clever, magical and bittersweet) plot unravel. Such a fabulous take on alternate universes and all the angst potential behind it. Come and bask in the yearning melancholia of a short yet intricate and perfectly executed plot.

And One to Play (2019, E, 21k)

What a fun and delightful fic, I can’t have enough of pining Harry losing all sense of propriety when faced with a hot, competent and pragmatic Draco. This has fab dynamics, unhinged protectiveness, even more unhinged attraction between two idiots who can’t keep their hands off each other. A must-read for any Auror partners fan!

A Lick and a Promise (2019, E, 55k)

Hot, BAMF Professors carefully balancing a fuck buddies situation while solving a Hogwarts mystery, do we need anything else? I certainly do not. This fic is so fun and intriguing and immersive, with amazing supportive cast and a delicious get together feat secret shagging and oblivious pining. Love it!

Modern Love (2020, E, 61k)

My favorite read of 2020, this fic is a love letter to Drarry and will always hold a piece of my soul. Sensitive, wistful, tenderly aching and so very romantic, this is a Muggle Draco triumph with a superb Harry, exquisite slow burn and a side of suds comfort. I promise it will be impossible to listen to Bowie again without thinking of this love story.

Bonus: five stunning drabbles!

Something in the Way (2021, T, 119 words)

“Up,” he said, and Draco, sick with love, raised his arms above his head and allowed Potter to slide the jumper on him, big hands stroking it flat over Draco’s stomach until they both shivered.

Stir-Up Sunday (2020, M, 300 words)

“I want you always,” he said, tugging again on the fine curling length of it. “Is it okay to say that?”

Whalebone Arch (2021, M, 722 words)

“Are you still not talking to me?” Draco steered Harry towards the crisps. “Do I have to suck you off in the loo to cheer you up?”

Semiplume (2021, T, 923 words)

“Did you know,” Harry murmured, and he put his arms around Draco, fearless. “I’d be your mate. If you needed a mate, I mean.”

Relic Radiation (2021, M, 927 words)

“You’ll kill me,” Harry said, and Draco turned his face towards the darkened sky, lunar pale, his profile some stupid unearthly thing—a flaring blazar, a supernova—in the light from the kitchen window.

[jonahlovescoffee]

“good morning, sunshine” | J.M.

part one of the better together series

a/n: jonah’s latest instagram story with wes just hits different (*¯︶¯*) i mean have you heard his morning voice?! like damn i want it to be the first thing i hear when i wake up everyday :’( thanks to @chilling-seavey for sending the story into my dm early in the morning, it has been stuck in my head all day and i can’t focus on doing anything else >:(

summary: your daughter was far too enthusiastic in the morning.

word count: 1390

warnings: jonah being cute with kid, fluff overload, one occurrence of the f word, suggestive themes in the end.

“Daddy, mommy, wake up!” A cheerful 3-year-old child with shoulder-length brown hair and mesmerizing hazel eyes swung the door to your room open and rushed in, her teddy bear held tightly to her chest with an arm, her small feet thudding against the floor in an inconsistent rhythm as she ran towards the bed you shared with Jonah.

You immediately placed your phone aside on the nightstand upon the arrival of your enthusiastic daughter. You had already woken up moments ago but were reluctant to leave Jonah’s arms that were wrapped tightly around your body. No matter how many times you had woken up in this position with him, you’d never get tired of the way he protectively held you in his arms even as he slept, the sound of his soft snores and the comforting warmth that his body radiated.

“Morning, sweetie,” your lips broke into a smile when she stood on her tippy toes near the edge of the bed to kiss your cheek. She then proceeded to join both of you on the bed, squeezing her way between you two and making herself comfortable by purposely stretching her limbs out here and there so that you’d offer her more space. Her rough movements made Jonah stir from his peaceful slumber, rubbing his eyes as he grumbled under his breath about how much he needed more sleep.

As soon as he saw his daughter though, his initial moody expression brightened up instantly, his frown replaced by a broad grin and his eyes filled with nothing but all the love in the world. “Good morning, sunshine,” he said softly in his raspy morning voice, giving her a kiss on her head before asking, “what’s gotten you so excited this morning?”

“You have no idea what I dreamed about last night!” She exclaimed and clapped her hands excitedly.

“Oh? Lemme guess, did you dream about me?” You joked, booping her nose with your pointer finger, earning a small giggle from her.

“Yes, mommy, you were a princess in my dream! Can you believe that?” Her answer came as a shock to you since you weren’t expecting her dream to include anyone else besides Disney princesses and magical creatures. She continued to narrate the events of her dreams, her eyes sparkling with joy as she told you about herself being a fairy that could make pretty goens for anyone with just a swing of her wand. “You were so pretty in the dress that I made for you that a prince fell in love with you and you both lived happily ever after!” She stared dreamily into the air as she recalled the ending of her dream.

“Was I the knight in shining armor in your dream, little one?” Jonah asked but she shook her head which made his face fall in mock disappointment and his lips formed a little pout. She patted his arms as if to comfort him so when she opened her mouth to speak again, you both had expected her to say something comforting to cheer him up.

But she, apparently, had other plans in mind.

“The prince was too handsome to be you, daddy,” she said innocently, his eyes widening in shock as he fully processed the words that left his beloved daughter’s mouth. You put a hand over your mouth in attempt to smother your laughter but failing terribly once your daughter turned to you and asked you cluelessly if she had said anything wrong because Jonah had turned to the opposite side so that his back was facing her, not only offended by the fact that his own daughter technically called him ugly, but also the fact that his girlfriend married a stupid prince in her dream.

“Daddy, are you mad at me?” She asked, tugging on his shirt but receiving no answers from him in return.

“Daddy just needs some hugs and kisses,” you whispered into her ear once your laughter died down. “So why don’t we go give him some?” You asked, in which she responded with a nod before climbing to his side of the bed, throwing her arms over him and hugging him tight like a koala. Jonah tried his best to not give in to her clinginess or the adorable puppy dog-eyes that she was giving him, but he failed miserably the moment you joined in the hug from behind and both of you started to pepper his face with kisses simultaneously.

He finally caved in, bursting into a fit of laughter as the ticklish sensation on his face soon became too much for him to handle. “Stop,” he said breathlessly through his laughter, shifting his body so he was now laying flat on his back, pulling both of you close by his arms, one of you laying on each side. The happiness that he felt right then and there was so immense that it was impossible for him to put into words. Fooling around and having fun with two of his favorite girls in the entire universe were few of the many moments in his life he would cherish forever.

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?” Your daughter asked in fear of being unforgiven by her father whom she loved so dearly.

“Don’t be silly—you know it’s impossible for me to stay mad at you, my little ball of sunshine,” he patted her head gently and she heaved a sigh of relief at his words. “Since today is a weekend, why don’t we go get some ice cream and a fairy costume too in honor your amazing dream?” She perked up right away at his suggestion. “What do you think?”

“It depends if the fairy costume comes with a fairy wand. If it does, then yes it’s a great plan!”

“Even if it doesn’t, I’m going to buy you one anyways,” Jonah said matter-of-factly. You smiled to yourself as you watched the cute interaction between your boyfriend and your child.

“But you must buy mommy a pretty dress too!” Your little girl requested and of course, what she says always goes because Jonah never had the heart to say no to her. Plus, he would kill to see you in a new dress, although it’d probably end up on the bedroom floor right after you put it on.

“Yes, yes, sweetheart,” he kissed her once again before letting her hop down the bed. “So go brush your teeth now and we’ll have breakfast at home before we leave.”

“Thanks daddy, you’re the best!” With that, she ran out of the room before reappearing at the door again shortly. “Oh, and daddy?”

“Hmm?” Jonah looked at her with a raised brow.

“You are the most handsome person in the world, even more handsome than the prince in my dreams.”

She scurried away before Jonah could react. Let’s just say the smile didn’t leave his face for the rest of the day, even when his little ball of sunshine threw a huge temper tantrum and knocked over her entire platter of food on purpose during their dinner in a fancy restaurant.

Bonus:

“You spoil her too much, love,” you said to him after you put your little devil to sleep. You joined him on the living room couch to watch a movie before bed, snuggling into him.

He merely smiled. “I think I spoil you quite a lot too, dear,” he commented, lacing his fingers through yours, his gaze fixated onto the tv.

“Really? Because it doesn’t seem like it.” You watched him place the tv remote on the coffee table before turning his attention towards you.

“Hmmm....why don’t,” he leant in closer so his lips was near to your ear. His breath alone sent shivers up your spine and when he continued speaking, you swore you forgot how to breathe. “Why don’t you put on the pretty little dress that I bought you today if you wish see how much I can spoil you.”

Finally, here’s the exact sentence you were waiting for.

“Who says that I’m not wearing it now?” You took off the hoodie and kicked off the shorts that you were wearing, to reveal the golden silk nightgown underneath that was so short that it barely covered your butt yet it accentuated all your curves perfectly.

“Fucking hell, baby,” was the last thing he said before pinning you down onto the couch.

[killthe-illusionarydreams]

Chronic Emptiness

Fred x reader

After the war

Summary: Y/N having a depressive episode & Fred trying to help her through it. Basically me living vicariously through her. Soft moment.

Warning: Mentions of depression & plainly feeling like shit

——————

Y/N was exhausted. Not by her job or work, just mentally drained. This sort of thing happened sometimes. One moment she was okay, the next it all came crashing down on her & she’d feel pure hatred for the world she was living in. Fred had gotten used to it by now, he’d be the ever so caring boyfriend & try to help her through it however he could. Exept he really couldnt do much but reassure Y/N that he was there for her.

And of course Y/N appreciated him & all his efforts, she loved Fred more than life itself & everyone knew that. But sometimes she just needed space. Like today.

They were at a bar with George & Angelina and several other mates after their shifts had all ended from their various occupations. George & Fred at their joke shop, Angelia at the Ministry, Y/N at St Mungos.

Y/N never truly felt like she belonged, not growing up at home, not at Hogwarts, & certainly not in St Mungos where she was working as a nurse. Its not that she hated the job, more like it didn’t particularly cause her immediate joy. She just did it. She got on with it & did what she had to.

As her friends were dancing to the music Y/N leant into her boyfriends ear so he’d hear her say “Hey Fred I think I’m gonna head home early today, I’m tired.”

The man looked up at her, as if trying to read her thoughts “D’you want me to come with love?”

Y/N shook her head, declining the offer “No dont worry. I’ll go through the park, I need some fresh air anyway.” Fred nodded & bid her goodbye with a kiss, telling her to stay safe. “I’ll see you at home.”

It was already dark outside, the tall streetlamps being the main source of light for the woman, but she wasnt really paying attention to where she way going, not caring enough to look. Y/N got to the park near the flat where her & Fred lived, deciding to make a pitstop there she sat on one of the wooden benches that overlooked a small river.

Letting out a heavy sigh she put her head into the palms of her hands, it was feeling all too heavy lately. “Dear Merlin I’m so tired.” Mumbling, the woman rolled her head in her hands before sitting back up and gazing at the sky. Oh how beautiful it looked tonight.

Lighting up a cigarette, she put it to her lips & took a long inhale. She was supposed to be quitting smoking, Fred always got on her about continuing the habbit. In all honesty Y/N didnt care enough to stop, at this point she wasnt even sure if she still got the same boost of seratonin from smoking as she used to. But again, it didnt bother her.

“Fuck me why is life so draining?” She asked no one in particular, she knew why it was draining, the abundance of issues with her brain promptly being the answer. She just wished it were easier. Easier to deal with things.

Realistically Y/N had nothing to be unhappy about anymore, there was no war, she had a good life, an amazing boyfriend, a stable job, decent friends. But there was a permanent void in her heart that could never be filled. Ever since she was a child it stayed with her. Maybe her cold & harsh, unloving parents brought it on, or maybe how she didnt let herself feel love & would distance herself from anyone that ever got close to her. But it was there. Unmovable.

The woman let the smoke out from her mouth, sighing at why she was having another one of her episodes, feeling shitty about having said episode. Yet, there was nothing she could do to stop it from occuring. “Fuck off brain.” She mumbled to herself, cursing her biology & upbringing “Stop feeling so Shit.”

“I keep you alive you ungrateful idiot.” She huffed to herself “And I’m doing a pretty good job, so stop making me feel like its my fault.” It wasnt her fault. If it were, Y/N would know how to fix it & evidently stop feeing this way.

Some would say the war brought this Y/N on, but people knew that she was like this way before. However, before she was better at hiding it. Better at hiding the dark circles, the restlessness, the ‘I dont care what happens to me’ attitude. In all honesty it didnt bother Y/N that people knew she was like this, she didnt do it on purpose. And when she could- she’d be happy- the life of the party, in those instances she could hide her feelings. But sometimes they just got too overwhelming to bare.

“You’re being such a selfish prick.” She sighed and puffed on yet another cigarette “Go home Y/N. Go to the man who loves you.” Yet she made no motion to move. It’d probably been two hours since she left the bar, she wasnt keeping track of time, not feeling the need to.

Sometimes she thought that Fred didnt love her, not because he said something or did something, but because she thought that Fred puts up with her. Which wasn’t true, the man loved her to death, she made him feel alive. Y/N was a risk taker, an adventurer, someone that kept you on your toes- & he admired that about her. Y/N was smart & funny & the most gorgeous person Fred had ever seen, but he knew that behind her sarcasm & faux narcissistic comments, she didnt believe it. Oh what he’d give for the woman to see herself through his eyes.

A few more minutes passed & the woman got up with a sigh, throwing the butt of her cigarette down, she made her way home.

The door creaked open, a little too loudly for Y/N’s taste, she winced at the sound, hoping it wouldnt wake Fred.

“Where were you?” The light flicked on. Before her stood a dischevelled Fred, arms crossed “I got home and you werent here.”

“I was in the park.” She mumbled, taking her coat off “Lost track of time, sorry.”

Fred looked at the woman before him, he noticed the dark circles that she tried to cover prefousley with makeup, noticed the ash on her jacket and faint aroma of smoke mixed with sadness.

“Its fine.” He reassured her and went to hug her, pretending to not notice her cold body & how she stiffened when he touched her “Just let me know next time alright?”

The woman hummed in agreement and walked into the living room, as she sat on the couch she put the tv on to play some sort of muggle program but not really paying attention to it. She just didnt fancy Fred interrogating her about her feelings. She hated talking about them, normally just botteling them up. Maybe that was the cause of her unhappiness.

A few moments went by & she thought Fred had went to bed, but then she felt the couch sink next to her. “Here” he placed a blanket around her & handed her a hot mug of tea “You’re freezing.” Mumbling a thanks she sipped on her drink, not really feeling like talking she waited for him to say something, anything.

And he did “Is it getting bad again?” Oh. Was it? Probably. Most definitely.

“I’m fine.” She lied “I’ll be fine.” Y/N wasnt convincing anyone.

Fred watched her, not knowing what to say or do. He wished he could help, just magically cheer up the love of his life. But thats not how life worked. “You’re good enough.” He blurted out “You deserve to feel happy.”

Y/N didnt look up at him, she knew Fred was trying to help. But was he? I dont know.

“Do I though, do I really?” She finally asked with a sigh, those seemed to be coming from her a lot lately “Because I know I do, I just dont feel it coming to me and its so draining to get on with life when you feel worthless.”

Fred took in what she just said, pausing before trying to come up with a reasonable response “I know.” He sighed “I want to help you Y/N, what can I do?” What could he do though? Realistically?

“I dont know. Nothing. This’ll pass soon enough and I’ll be okay.”

Fred knew that, Y/N was always ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ or ‘just tired’ “But I want you to be better than okay. I want you to be happy, to enjoy life and all its moments.”

Y/N scoffed “And you think I dont want that?” There was a tense silence

“Why dont we take the day off tomorrow and go out somewhere? We havent done that in a while.” Fred suggested. It was true, with both of them being bombarded by work they hardly saw eachother in the last few months.

“Sure.” Y/N smiled sickly and set her tea down “Yeah alright I’ll just sack my job off to have a fun little date with you eh? Why not risk getting fired just because I’m feeling a little moody huh?”

Fred was taken aback by her words and immediately went back on what he said “If you dont want to thats fine I-“

“Im sorry” she cut him off “I’m sorry, that was a dick move I didnt mean it, just everythings gotten so much-“ she put her feet up on the couch to hug them “Im sorry.” A few stray tears fell onto her knees

Fred moved closer to her “Hey, its okay, its okay dont worry. I understand.” Oh sweet understanding Fred, Fred who gave you unconditional love and support. Fred who you keep snapping at.

Moments pass as he embraces you, your body leaning against his heavily. Not sure whether its the exhaustion or something else “I dont deserve you.” You mumble into his chest. He frowns cups your face in his hands, you lean in to his warm touch.

“Dont say that” you let out a quiet sob “Y/N you deserve the absolute world, and I wish I could give it to you & more. If I could take away your pain, I would. In an instant I would. You dont deserve to feel like this, to think like this. But I’m here for you okay. I love you, so fucking much you don’t understand.” He gazed into her eyes, wishing she could feel how much he meant it “You’re the best thing that happened to me & I’m going to prove it to you, whatever it takes Y/N.” He kissed your nose before letting you hug him tighter, relieved that you no longer shrunk away from his touch “Words cant express how much I love you.”

After a few more tears fall, Y/N laughs into his chest “Good because you’re stuck with me.”

Fred grins to himself “I wouldnt have it any other way.”

[scapegrace74-blog]

Halo

A/N Today the Metric Universe has a guest artist: Depeche Mode!  This story takes place soon after Help! I’m Alive, which is going to require some creative liberties on my part.  Depeche Mode did play London Stadium to a sold-out crowd (one of eight bands to ever do so), but in June 2017, not September.  

All other parts of the Metric Universe are available on my AO3 page. 

The song by Depeche Mode that inspired the title is here. Teenage Michelle listed to Violator on repeat, just like Claire and Jamie.  

September 21, 2017, Spitalfields, England

Jamie’s patrol boots felt like concrete weights about his feet as he plodded down the hallway towards his flat.  Most days, he loved his job.  It filled a psychic need to contribute meaningfully to society and provided a loose camaraderie that acted as a substitute family.  Physically and mentally taxing, on a bad day like today, it left him feeling wrung out and far older than his twenty-seven years.  All that kept him moving was force of habit and the promise of a glass of whisky, a long shower and a comfortable bed.

A steady thump of bass throbbed from behind his door.  Frowning, he fit the key in the lock and walked into a wall of sound.  Claire was nowhere to be seen, but her iPhone sat on the coffee table, wirelessly connected to the tele’s surround sound system.  He tapped the screen once and lowered the volume significantly.

The sudden lull drew his roommate from the kitchen, where she’d evidently been cleaning.  She was wearing a tattered pair of jogging pants, a plain white tshirt and rubber gloves.  Corkscrews of sweaty hair stuck to her temples.

“Jamie, hi.  Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Understandable.   Depeche Mode, Sassenach?”

Her lips curled in a shape he knew was supposed to be a grin.  Something was missing, however.  A spark, a hint of magic, the ineffable quality he associated with Claire.

“Are ye alright, Claire?  Ye seem... I dinna ken, but not yerself,” he inquired as he opened the liquor cabinet.  Raising a nearly full bottle of Glenfiddich in silent query, he set about pouring two healthy glasses.  When they met back at the sofa, Claire had removed her cleaning attire and tried to arrange her hair in a slightly neater bun.

“I could ask the same of you,” she countered.  “You look done in.  Rough day?  Cheers,” she added, raising the amber liquid.

“Slainte,” he replied, letting the spicy heat coat his throat and settle like an ember in his belly.

“Do you ever...” Claire began before subsiding into silence.

“Do I ever what?” he urged.

“Some days I just feel as though no matter what I do, the cosmic ledger is not going to balance, you know?  That there isn’t enough good in me to balance out all the bad.”

He forced himself to mutely accept her statement, no matter how much he wanted to dispute it.  She was exposing a chink in her formidable armour.  His job was to listen, not debate.  He couldn’t help wanting to peer past the small opening to the burning core within, though.

“I loved this album as a lad,” he offered instead.  “Dark an’ moody an’ all about sex. My Mam hated Personal Jesus, complained twas blasphemous.”

Claire chuckled softly.  She was looking at a point over his shoulder, visibly straining to reach some buried emotion.

“When things got horrific at Camp Bastion, the surgeons would listen to music, ridiculously loud music.  Artillery fire, evac choppers, the wails of wounded soldiers, it drowned them all out.  Or at least that was the idea.  The camp only had an old portable stereo on its last legs, held together with suture wire.  By the end of my year, Violator was the only tape that fucking thing hadn’t eaten.  This is the soundtrack of the worst moments of my life.”

He could have asked why she would want to relive that personal hell, but he already knew the answer.  It was the same reason he still rushed into a burning building, even as the memory of his accident played havoc with his PTSD.  Survival was an act of redemption.  You fought your demons because if you didn’t, the demons had already won.

They sat beside each other on the sofa listening to the melancholy songs on repeat.  When her glass was empty, Jamie poured another two fingers unprompted.  He didn’t ask what happened during her hospital shift to send her thoughts back to Afghanistan.  He could guess.   She didn’t ask why his uniform smelled of ashes and burnt flesh.  She could guess.   Sometimes the hurt didn’t need to be articulated.  Sometimes silent complicity was the only cure.

***

October 20, 2017, London Stadium, England

She’d almost missed the envelope entirely.   Bleary eyed after an overnight shift, her plan was to sleep through the rest of the day and wake up tomorrow in her thirties.  Checking the surface of her desk for mail out of habit on her way to the shower, Jamie’s bold scrawl, black across ivory paper, caught her eye.

Happy Birthday, Claire.

Her finger shook as she unsealed the feather-light rectangle.  A ticket stub was the only content.  Her hand covered her mouth as she drew in a quivering lungful of air.  She had no idea how he even knew it was her birthday, never mind how he happened upon the perfect gift.

After a rejuvenating nap, shower and thirty minutes trying on every outfit in her wardrobe, she now stood in an endless security lineup in the hulking shadow of London Stadium.  A soft brush against her bare shoulder and a hint of his familiar scent were the cues that sent her heart beating against her ribs.  She looked up into the sunrise of his warmest smile.

“G’d evenin’, Sassenach,” he greeted.  “Fancy meetin’ ye here.”

She shook her head in mock exasperation.

“Really, Jamie.  I can’t believe you.  How ever did you even get tickets?  It’s been sold out for months.”

“Och, twas nothin’.  The sister of one of the lads on my engine works fer their record label,” he demurred, running a hand through his curls.   She could see they were still damp.  He must have showered at the station and come straight from work.  The bright floodlights caught the blond tones of the stubble along his jaw.  She looked away, feeling a lurch in her stomach that had nothing to do with missing dinner.

They chatted easily as they slowly advanced through the metal detectors and into the colossal stadium.

“I’ve never been inside,” she remarked, craning her head upwards.  “It’s incredible, isn’t it?”

“Aye, tis.  This way, birthday girl.  We’re on the floor.”  Jamie extended a courtly arm and shepherded her into the steadily growing crowd.

At concerts in her youth, she always started near the stage but was gradually pushed backwards by larger, rowdier fans.  It took several songs for her to realize why that wasn’t happening.  Jamie had planted himself directly behind her and was acting like a breakwater, parting the crowd with his tall, broad form before they could push up against her.   She felt something vigilant loosen along her spine.  Before long, she was dancing and singing along, completely lost in the moment.

Looking up over her shoulder at his proud, chiseled features as they were washed in multi-hued lights, she caught his eye and smiled.  He bent close, his warm breath feathering her hair as he whisper-yelled into her ear.

“Happy birthday, Sassenach.”

Impulsively, she stood on tiptoe and placed a careful kiss near the corner of his mouth.  Lying in bed that night with the echo of the music still ringing in her ears, it was the memory of his shyly delighted grin that lit her mind like a thousand stars.

[darlinvandijk]

What about me?

Concept: request where ruel becomes a jealous lil bean because you’re spending all your time with Kate Sylvie, and Coco instead of him and it gets all cute. As usual hit my line for requests and I’ll be happy to comply!(Sorry if this is really fucking long lmao) Hope you enjoy :)

I sit in the Van Dijk living room, laughing along with my favorite girls as we have yet another girls night filled with junk food and endless conversation, one of many held over the past two weeks. I lean my head against sylvie as I listen to Kate tell another story about what it was like for her growing up, truly intrigued by some of the things that she’s seen and gone through. I heard shuffling coming from the staircase, causing me to turn my head and see my beautiful boy make his way towards me. He slowly drags himself to me, wrapping his arms around my neck and shoulders from the back of the couch. I lean into him and tilt my head up to see his face, watching as he looks down at me with a little frown.

“When’re you coming to bed? It’s already 12:30 love” he mumbles out, a little bit of a whine to his voice. I let out a small laugh before reaching up to caress his cheek, smiling at the way he adorably leans into my hand, knowing he’s been a little off lately.

“I know but we’re just talking and watching some movies, why don’t you head to bed without me and I’ll join you in a little bit?” I question, watching him roll his eyes a little before nodding his head and planting a kiss on my forehead. The girls watch him silently, all trying to not laugh at how clingy and grumpy he gets when he’s tired.

“Goodnight baby, goodnight mom, and goodnight fuckers” Ruel mutters out, causing Coco and Sylvie to let out matching scoffs all while holding smirks on their faces, loving when their brother doesn’t get his way. He glares at them before making his way back upstairs and into his bedroom. I turn back to them and restart the conversations we were having with each other.

Time passed with more shared laughs and snacks, before we all slowly started to get tired from our night of bonding since it was already nearing 2. We all hugged and said our goodnight before heading to our respective rooms, mine being Ruels. I softly open the door and step in, trying not to wake him, only to see him laying there with his phone screen lighting up the dark space. I shuffle my way to his closet and slip off my clothes, trading them for one of his shirts, slowly making my way back to his bed.

I climb into the bed and turn to face him, laying on my side as he lays flat on his back scrolling through Instagram. He stays silent as he scrolls through his phone, making no moves to cuddle me like he usually would. I reach my hand out and place it against his cheek, waiting to see if I’ll get a reaction from him. He lets out a quiet hum, lightly turning his head to press a kiss to the center of my palm before leaning his face back into it.

Feeling sleepy I softly rub my eyes before scooting a little down on the bed, pushing my head underneath his arm that was resting over his chest as he held his phone with the other arm. I can see him look down at me, as I let the arm rest on top of me, curling my body into his as much as I can. He rests his hand in my hair, softly coming through it before pressing a small kiss to the crown of my head, still scrolling through his socials. I fall asleep to the quiet whisper of “I love you” from him, feeling the way his arms tighten around me as he finally puts his phone away and holds me.

I wake up to sunlight beaming in through the curtains, watching as it lights up Ruels bare skin, making him glow gold. I let out a sigh of pure content, running my fingers through his hair, feeling him grip me tighter as he slowly woke up. He squints his eyes open, watching me for a few seconds before fully shifting onto his back and pulling me on top of him. I let out a laugh as he does so, resting my hands against his shoulders, my face above his. He leans up and presses a light kiss on my lips before laying back down and giving me a lazy grin.

“You look really pretty right now, you always look stunning, but for some reason this light is making you absolutely breathtaking darlin” he sleepily states, giving me the boyish grin that he knows makes my heart stop. I feel my face heat up at his compliment before pressing a kiss to his nose, having not had a soft moment like this with him in the last two weeks. He just watches me for a few more seconds with nothing but love in his eyes, which I know is completely reciprocated in mine. Our peaceful silence is broken when his door gets thrown open, Coco standing in the threshold with a giant grin on her face.

“Hey beauty and the beast, don’t forget about our plans today babes, so ready for this spa day! We’re taking off in 30 since it’s already 10:30” she all but shrieks out, skipping out of the room and closing the door behind her. I feel Ruel tense up underneath me when he hears her statement. I sit up and straddle his abdomen, looking down at him with a frown, wondering why he looks so upset. He avoids eye contact and instead just shifts his hands to rest softly on my thighs, completely shifting back into the touchy and distant attitude he’s held with me the past few days.

“What’s wrong bubs? You seem to be a little moody lately” I softly question, knowing he struggles a bit when getting put on the spot. He frowns even more, slightly gripping my things and rubbing his thumbs across them. I wait with a soft look on my face, giving him time to open up so that he can do so while not feeling rushed.

“You’re going out with my sisters and mom again?” He mutters, the frown still placed onto his face, slightly deepening as he questions me. Feeling perplexed I tilt my head to the side, wondering what that has to do with anything.

“Yeah, we wanted to have a girls spa day, just to relax and have fun together” I state, watching as his frown deepens. He lets out a slight scoff, setting me next to him on the bed so that I’m no longer on him, before getting up and heading to the closet, completely ignoring the hand that I reach out to grab his. I watch him with a now matching frown, hurt by his passive aggression with me. I sit there silently as he changes, waiting for him to say something. He turns back to me and walks over, filling me with hope, before going straight past me to his phone to disconnect it from the charger. He proceeds to walk to the door before I call out to him, completely freezing him in his tracks.

“What’s going on with you?” I softly mumble, watching as he turns back to me and makes his way over. He leans down and presses a soft but barely there kiss to my head before walking back to the door, pausing and turning to tell me something.

“Nothing’s going on, have fun with the girls. Love you.” He states in a blank tone, shutting the door before I can even reply to him. I sit there in silence with watery eyes, wondering what’s made him so distant with me. I shrug it off, deciding I’m not going to let his attitude ruin my day, and change into my comfy spa outfit. I head downstairs seeing the girls waiting for me, completely walking past Ruel, who’s sitting at the counter eating. They watch the way his eyes follow my every move and the way I ignore him with confused glances, causing me to shrug at them.

“Ready to go ladies? It’s time to partyyy” I sing out throwing my hands up as they all get over what just happened and cheer with me. We double check to make sure we all have our phones and stuff on us, before deciding to leave. As we’re leaving, we call out to Ralph so he knows we’re taking off, and then the atmosphere shifts once the attention is put on Ruel. He stands there eating, looking up when he feels their gazes on him, he gives a small wave as they tell him bye. They watch silently as I say nothing to him, giving him the choice to either say something or keep being a dick.

“Love you, be safe.” He mutters in a clipped tone, heading towards the living room where Ralph is, not giving me the usual kiss and hug he always does when I leave. I roll my eyes at his snotty behavior before turning to the door, completely disregarding what he said, watching as the girls and Ruel, who hasn’t entered the living room yet, stare at me in slight shock. Having never seen me not reply to his “i love you” before. I make it partially out the door, stopping to turn around for one second, not being able to do it.

“I love you too.” I quietly state, watching him nod his head before joining his dad. We all walk out to the car and get in, sitting in a slightly tense atmosphere. Them being confused but not wanting to question it in fear of ruining the mood, and me just being hurt by the attitude of the boy I love.

“Is everything okay? What was that about?” Coco softly questions as we start to head to the spa, with music softly playing on the radio. I sit there silently for a second, trying to think of what to say about the situation.

“I honestly don’t know. He’s been weird the past like week but today he’s just been an ass to me. He’s being super clipped and passive with me, when I’ve done nothing” I rant out, completely frustrated that I can’t figure out what’s going on in his mind. They all sit there pondering what could be going on with him, but all come up blank, having never seen him act this way with me.

“Honestly fuck that, today we are going to enjoy ourselves, no boy is going to ruin our day” Coco shouts with a fist in the air, causing all of us to laugh at her wild attitude. We get to the spa, check in, and head to the changing rooms, and putting on what they tell us to. We all go into the sauna, just relaxing and letting all of the stress leave our bodies, before rinsing off and heading to the rooms we have assigned. Coco and I head into a room, while Kate and Sylvie head into another, getting ready for the massages we have scheduled.

As we lay down and get massaged, Coco turns her head to face me with the same perplexed look she had earlier. She asks me about the situation and I tell her everything I can think of that’s happened the last two weeks that have been off, more so the last couple days that have been really off. She nods and listens, adding things every now and then as we try to brainstorm a solution or reason for everything. We head out of the room once we’re done and go straight to the mani/pedi area, showing the workers what we’d like, before sitting in the seats adjacent to Sylvie and Kate. We talk as we get our nails done, laughing and completely relaxing. As time goes by and they finish our nails, they lead us into the final area which makes Coco shout with glee.

“Free food!” She shouts, walking over to the trays set up for us, turning to us with stars practically filling her eyes. We all sit down and enjoy the complimentary food and champagne, before finally heading back to change and leave. As we take off, we decide to make a pit stop at some of the local shops, since Kate said she saw the absolute prettiest dress that she wanted me to try on. We hang around for a bit before deciding to head back to their house, seeing as it was already getting a little dark outside. I check my phone as we near the house, seeing it flash 5:15 at me, filling me with hope that he’s gotten his attitude together since we’ve been apart the whole day.

We walk in and head to the living room, watching as Ruel looks up and decides to depart and head up into his room. The rest of the family watches me in silence, as I turn and give them a soft sad smile, before telling them I’m going to head up after him. They all nod and let me leave, watching as I walk upstairs with my head turned down. I enter the room to see the bathroom door shut and the sound of light humming fill the air. I close the door and sit at the edge of the bed, waiting for him to come out.

He finally comes out of the bathroom and freezes upon seeing me, giving me a blank stare before turning to head back out the door. I let out a scoff, completely pissed that he’s being so childish, watching as his body tenses up at the sound. He slowly spins around and watches me with slightly guarded eyes.

“Do you have something to say” he questions in a low tone, staring me straight in the eyes with a look I couldn’t quite decipher. I stare at him incredulously, not believing that those are the words he chooses to say.

“Are you fucking with me right now?” I snap out, crossing my arms over my chest to stop my hands from shaking, not wanting him to know how bothered I am. He rolls his eyes and opens the door to leave, causing my eyes to well up at the fact that he’s not even going to try and talk to me, and at the fact that we’ve never fought before.

“Ruel why are you mad at me... if I did something wrong you can tell me.” I mumble out to him insecurely, playing with the promise ring on my finger, feeling unsure on if he’ll reply or just leave. I hear him sigh before he makes his way over to stand in front of me, standing in between my legs. He tilts my head up with two of his fingers, looking sad as he sees the tears that fill my eyes, knowing they were put there by his actions. He gives me a soft look before leaning down to lift me up, causing my to bury my head in the crook of his neck, and wrap my legs around his waist. He moves to put us on the bed, with him leaning against the headboard, while I lay against him, still wrapped around him.

“I’m not mad at you, I’m just hurt. I feel like all you’ve done the past couple weeks is hangout with them and then only spend time with me real late at night, which doesn’t count since we’re asleep. I just feel sad that you’ve rejected all the times I’ve hinted at spending time together to just continuously be with them. I don’t want to be clingy, but I’m tired and just need you, especially since tour just ended and it took a lot out of me to be on the road for so long and give as much of myself as I could to make my fans happy night after night. Like you give everyone else so much attention... but what about me?” He rants out with his voice cracking, rubbing his hands tiredly down his face, as I sit up on his lap, giving him a heartbroken look.

“No, Ruel I love you so much, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I just got caught up in all the plans they were making, that I didn’t even think about how you felt. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you. I didn’t see any of your hints and advances, I made you feel alone.” I softly cry out, now seeing how it all made sense, how it actually was all me. He gives me a soft smile before leaning in to give me a kiss, pulling away to wipe to tears off my face.

“No crying baby, it’s not your fault. I should have been straight up with you and told you what I wanted, not just have expected you to know, and I definitely shouldn’t have been such a dick to you. You’re perfect and deserve all the love and respect in the world, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings bubba” he whisper into my ear and he hugs me, I squeeze him against me, letting him lay me down against the bed, situating himself on top of me so that his head rests against my chest. I softly comb my fingers through his hair, smiling as he grabs my other hand and presses a kiss to it, trying to communicate the mutual love we have for one another.

“I love you.” He whispers, looking up at me in complete adoration. I cup his face with my palm before giving him a little grin. Watching the way he leans into my palm and stares at me as if he was seeing the sun for the first time, in complete and utter awe. Leaving me breathless for a few seconds before I can reply to him.

“I love you too bubs, I’m happy we got over this and we’re able to be back on track, I hated fighting with you” I say watching him nod his head in complete agreement before laying back down, leaving us in a peaceful silence, filled with mutual love and understanding. I start to think about how I can avoid this problem in the future, before I let out a laugh realizing that Coco is the main reason I was busy lately since she made all the plans, then seeing Ruel lift his head to stare at me with a questioning look. I laugh even more as I look at his face, knowing how mad he’s going to be when I tell him why I can’t stop laughing.

“I can’t believe your headass got jealous of your own mom and sisters, like you got jealous over Coco fucking loser” I all but choke out, finally thinking about it fully, watching him glare at me. He grabs my waist and pulls my body down the bed, hovering over the top of me as tears stream down my face.

“Are you fucking done yet?” He groans out, watching as I literally roll side to side, not able to breathe from laughing at him. He pins my arms above me head and stares into my eyes, watching as I sober up, before staring at him for a second too long and getting set off again.

“That’s it babygirl. sorry not sorry asshole” he grumbles out as he lets go of my hands to place them on my waist, relentlessly tickling me as I cry out and yell for him to stop or I’ll pee on him and the bed. Downstairs the rest of the Van Dijks sit around on the couches, all smiling and chuckling at the sounds of laughter and shouting coming from us, glad we were able to move on from the bump in the road we had faced.

He finally stops tickling me, laying flat on the bed with me against him, head on his chest and hands entwined, listening to his steady heartbeat and slow breathing. I smile softly as I think about how only his dumbass would get so jealous of his family and start a fight, rather than just talk to me about it. Feeling the smile against his chest he looks down at me, causing me to tilt my head up with puckered lips, wanting a kiss after all the torture he put me through. He laughs and gives me a light peck before pulling away, causing me to let out a whine. He smirks before leaning down and connecting our lips fully, in a slow but love filled kiss. Before the mini makeout session can last too long, I pull away from him, watching a smile form on his swollen red lips, before laying back down against him. Completely letting him cage me in his arms against his chest, bringing me the most peace I’ve felt all day, in the arms of my love.

He might be an idiot, but there’s no other tall jealous boy that I’d want to spend my life with.

[workofthediesel]

The Outcome of Honesty and Playing Along  - Chpt 1

Read also on ao3!

(Chpt 2) (Chpt 3) (Epilogue)

Summary: Ever since the championship, Rusty has taken to avoiding CB and his permanent bad mood. But when CB wants to start dragging Rusty with him on all his crazy schemes, how can Rusty (safely) say no? 

Word Count: 7012

Rusty rolled through the yard, idly listening to the chirps of the birds and the gentle rustle of the wind through the trees. He was out on his own and really enjoying the peace, especially after spending so much time in the louder, more industrial freight yard. He’d been kept busy for the past few days—he didn’t know if it was due to a rise in status or just a coincidence, but ever since he won the championship a few months back, there seemed to be a lot more problems in the yard that everyone insisted they trusted no one but Rusty to fix. He was, of course, always happy to help, but he was starting to feel a little worn thin.

As Rusty breathed in the fresh air, he felt the lingering tension in his shoulders start to melt away. A small smile made itself at home on his lips. He really needed this, he thought as he rolled along.

The sun was glinting off an unusually shiny spot on his arm, and it kept catching his eye. Every time it did, he looked down, needing to remind himself that it was him causing that glare. While he was still a far cry from looking like new, he was a lot more polished than usual. It was strange to see. He’d spent the early afternoon scrubbing off as must of his rust as he could, an extra bit of effort he hoped Pearl would appreciate. 

A brief frown flicked onto Rusty’s face at the thought of his girlfriend. She’d seemed a bit preoccupied lately, always spacing out and frowning thoughtfully. Rusty had asked her once or twice what was on her mind, and if it was anything he could help with, but Pearl had just given him a wan smile in return and told him not to worry about it. No matter when or how he put the question forth, he always received the same result. Rusty quickly stopped asking.

Today, however, they had a special date planned. Rusty hoped it would help Pearl take her mind off whatever it was that was bothering her—he really didn’t like seeing people upset, especially when there was something he could do about it. In an effort to cheer her up, Rusty had spent the last few days planning the perfect date. He’d carefully chosen all of their activities based on everything he knew she liked: tickets to the botanical gardens with a path in mind through all of her favorite flower fields, dinner at her favorite restaurant, late-night tea and pastries at her favorite café. Even though he knew he didn’t like anything on the menu at the restaurant, and the prices at the café were outrageous, and being so close to all those flowers would only make him sneeze, it would make Pearl happy. That, Rusty told himself, was what really mattered.

He was on his way to Pearl’s at that moment. He knew it wouldn’t take him long to get there—the coaches’ depot was only about ten minutes away from the freight yard, even with the leisurely pace he was setting—but he’d left his own house with plenty of extra time, just in case. That meant he was likely to reach Pearl’s about twenty minutes early, but he’d rather that than show up late.

When he caught sight of CB loitering just off the side of the track, Rusty was glad for that precaution.

Rusty came to an abrupt stop, his heart picking up speed in his chest. He hadn’t expected to see CB when he was out today, and he hadn’t wanted to, either. In fact, he’d spent quite a bit of time recently carefully planning how not to see CB, and all things considered, he was sure no one could blame him.

These days, CB had been… the best word Rusty could up with was moody. Or perhaps touchy, or volatile. Ever since it had come out just how much cheating CB had done in the championship—and all the rumors of the things he’d been a part of before then—he seemed to be leaning into the fact that he was no one’s friend. Overnight, he’d gone from being a member of the freight family to being snappish, sulky, stubborn, and short-tempered. From what Rusty could tell, there was at least one incident of him turning against one of the freight a day. The Rockies, Flat-Top, even Dustin had all ended up on the receiving end of CB’s new bad mood.

Only Rusty seemed to have escaped the caboose’s sudden sourness. For as hostile as CB was to the rest of the yard, he was equally as sweet to Rusty—always hanging around, offering to help, showering Rusty with compliments and encouragement. It was almost as if he was trying to make Rusty forget everything that he’d done to him. If that was the case, Rusty wanted to tell him to save his breath: every sugar-coated word out of his mouth just made Rusty feel sick.

The worst part was that it hadn’t always been like this. Once upon a time, Rusty had thought of CB as a friend. They all had. He’d been a member of the freight family—it was something that everyone, even Flat-Top, took to heart. Rusty and CB hadn’t been particularly close, but he was always happy to see him. CB had always been cheerful and helpful, if a bit excitable; he was the sort of car that just about the whole yard wanted around.

But that had all been an act. CB had shown his true colors at the championship, and no amount of sweet talking or favors from him now was going to make Rusty forget it.

Still, Rusty reminded himself, he had to be careful. CB was dangerous; if Rusty said the wrong thing and set him off, who knew what he would do to him? He thought back to the crash in the finals and shuddered—Greaseball and Electra had been completely wrecked, and CB had done that just for fun. Rusty didn’t even want to think about what he would do if he were mad.

Thankfully, CB wasn’t looking in his direction—he was staring at something off in the distance, his back to the track. If Rusty was careful he might be able to sneak by without CB noticing. It didn’t feel nice, but Rusty told himself it had to be done. As far as he was concerned, the less attention he drew to himself around the caboose, the better.

Rusty knew his wheels had a tendency to squeak sometimes, despite his best efforts to keep them well-oiled and working smoothly. Rather than risk CB hearing him pass, he pushed himself up onto his stops.

Walking on his stops wasn’t something Rusty did often. It was a stunt he’d seen Electra pull on more than one occasion, particularly when he was in the mood to show off. He always made it look so easy, so effortless, but Rusty was never able to get over how strange it felt—every time he tried it, he wobbled around like a newborn fawn trying to walk for the first time. Still, in moments like this, it had to be done.

It took him longer than he would have liked to find his balance, but after a few seconds he did. Then he was off, carefully picking his way across the open stretch behind CB. He tried to move as quickly as he could while still staying upright—after all, CB could turn around at any second, and Rusty didn’t want to be out in the open when he did.

After a few minutes of tip-toeing, Rusty switched back to his wheels. He was far enough past CB that he figured he was safely out of earshot, and besides, rolling was much faster—and much more comfortable—than walking on his stops. The speed was what he wanted now—he wanted to be out of there as soon as possible.

He almost got away with it. In fact, he truly thought that he had. He didn’t know what gave him away—whether it was something he could have prevented or sheer dumb luck that CB turned around at the wrong moment—but unfortunately, he was spotted.

“Rusty!”

Rusty stopped dead in his tracks, a sinking sense of dread settling in his chest. He took a deep breath, steeling his nerves before turning to look over his shoulder. CB was speeding after him. Despite—or perhaps because of—the caboose’s signature wide smile, Rusty was overcome with the urge to run before he caught up. He forced himself to stay still—running, he was certain, would only get him into trouble.

Just be nice, Rusty reminded himself, forcing a friendly smile. You need to stay on his good side. “Hey, CB,” he said, hoping the nervous crack in his voice wasn’t noticeable.

CB was practically beaming as he swung himself around and came to a stop in front of Rusty. “Hi, Rusty!”

Rusty waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. He just stood there in silence, rocking back and forth on his wheels, staring at him. Rusty cleared his throat awkwardly. “Yeah, hi.” If it were up to him, Rusty would have left it at that, but the place where CB had stopped was—Rusty suspected intentionally—blocking his path. Rusty doubted he would let him get past. “What are you, um… what are you doing?”

CB looked delighted at the question. Too delighted. Rusty’s stomach dropped thinking about all the reasons CB would be happy to be asked such an innocuous question, and though he didn’t know why, he immediately regretted asking it. “I was just out. For a stroll,” CB said, emphasizing the words in a pattern Rusty couldn’t quite make sense of.

“That sounds nice,” Rusty said. He took a step to the side, trying to inch his way around CB. CB, unfortunately, took a step to match. “Are you headed anywhere in particular?” he continued with another step.

“Not really. Just wandering.” CB took another step as well, keeping himself in front of Rusty so he couldn’t get away. “What are you doing?”

“Um. Mostly the same, I guess.”

CB’s smile grew impossibly wider, and the only thing Rusty could think was that it had to hurt. “Is that so?”

There was something in his voice that sent a chill running down Rusty’s spine. Letting CB think that he was just out on his own, no one waiting for him and nowhere he was supposed to be, suddenly felt dangerous. “Well, not just wandering. I do have somewhere to be this afternoon. I’m on my way there now, actually.”

“Yeah?” CB asked, cocking his head to the side like he was considering something. “Anywhere nice?”

“Nice to me.” Rusty wasn’t sure if he should actually mention where he was going or not; it was possible that CB might follow him there if he did, and he knew that Pearl would hate nothing more than for CB to show up on her doorstep. Quite frankly, Rusty would hate it too.

CB just stared at him, and Rusty could practically see the gears turning in his head. “If you want,” he said after a moment, voice just a little too bright, “we could go together!”

A flash of panic shot through Rusty’s chest. “What?”

“It’s a nice day to be out and about,” CB said, and that was true. It was on the cool side, but warm enough in the sun, with only a few streaky clouds hung high in the sky. Rusty, however, couldn’t think of a single way in which the weather would lend itself to him spending any more time around CB than he absolutely needed to. “And I don’t have anywhere I need to be, so I can come with you! Won’t that be fun?”

No! Rusty screamed inside his head, though he wouldn’t dare say it out loud. CB was looking at him expectantly, as though he thought Rusty would want him there, and suddenly Rusty’s head was filled with flashing memories of the crash in the championship. He could remember it all like it was yesterday: the panicked screech of failing breaks; the sickening crunch of the impact; the tiny shards of wood, metal, and glass that had gotten scattered around the track; the sight of CB, Greaseball, and Electra actually fused together into one big ball of misery.

Rusty was desperate to make sure nothing like that ever, ever happened to him.

“Fun. Right,” he said, clearing his throat to buy himself enough time to think of a way to turn CB down without it actually seeming like he was turning him down. “Um. Thank you, but I kind of have to go alone.”

“No one ever has to go places alone,” CB said, and Rusty couldn’t help but think that that wasn’t true—though it wouldn’t come as a surprise to learn that CB had, more than once, followed someone someplace he shouldn’t have.

“Well, I’m expected to be alone when I get there.”

“So?”

“So,” Rusty said, trying to scoot to the side so slowly that CB wouldn’t notice, “I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to show up… not alone.”

“That’s fine,” CB said as bright as ever. For a moment, Rusty relaxed, relieved that he had gotten off the hook and that CB had taken it so well, but then CB continued, “I can just leave before we get to wherever it is we’re going; whoever’s there won’t know a thing. In fact, I could probably go right up to this place with you and still get away without being seen.” He puffed his chest out proudly as he told Rusty, “I’m good at being sneaky.”

“I know,” Rusty said, hoping that CB would take it as the compliment it wasn’t meant to be, “but I wouldn’t want to make you do that. Besides, I don’t think you’d even like this place. You wouldn’t want to come anyway.”

Too late, Rusty realized that what he said sounded like a challenge. He held his breath as he inched a few more steps to the side, hoping that it wouldn’t make CB more determined to come, just to prove him wrong.

“Oh?” CB said, and with that one word, all of Rusty’s hopes were dashed. “Well, where is it?”

Rusty scrambled to think of as many things as he could that might deter CB. “It’s kind of far,” he said, even though it wasn’t, “and it’ll be pretty boring. Just a house, nothing really around it. I’m meeting someone, and we’ll be sitting down and having a chat, maybe some tea.” There. It sounded like a very pleasant afternoon to Rusty, but he was sure CB would find it dull enough to be entirely off-putting.

He could tell by the look in CB’s eyes that he did, in fact, find Rusty’s supposed plans to be frustratingly boring. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to make him give up. “If that’s all, I could meet you when you’re done. Then we could come back together.”

“That’s a really nice offer,” Rusty said carefully, “but I might be there a while and I don’t want to make you wait. Besides, I have other things to do today, too, and I don’t think you could come to any of those either.”

“Like what?” CB seemed to have finally noticed Rusty’s escape attempt, and he once more moved in front of him, trapping Rusty where he was. He also started rocking back and forth on his wheels again, almost like he was trying to lure Rusty in with a show of innocence and enthusiasm.

If that was his plan, Rusty thought, it wasn’t going to work. He slid another few inches to the side and started listing off every responsibility he had that he could think of. Most of them were half-truths, things that he had to do eventually, just not necessarily today. “Poppa wants me to double-check the latest schedules to make sure they’re all okay, and I promised Belle I would help her fix her door—you know, it’s been squeaking a lot and she said it’s starting to get stuck when she tries to open it—and Dustin wanted to talk to me about getting tickets for the yard to that play that’s coming into town to make up for missing the bonfire, and Rocky 2 wanted to talk to me too but he didn’t say why, and I have a date planned with Pearl this afternoon, and—”

Instantly, CB froze.

Rusty eyed him warily. The stillness wasn’t lost on him. It was such a change from his usual constant motion that it sent Rusty’s nervousness up a few notches. “Pearl?” CB echoed, his voice uncharacteristically flat.

Rusty cringed, realizing what he must have just revealed. He hadn’t meant to say that, but unfortunately, he couldn’t take the words back. “Yeah,” he said, continuing to edge slowly around CB. “We’re going out a little bit later today.”

“Oh.” CB didn’t even move his head to follow Rusty’s movement. He stood still as a statue, staring off into empty space.

As much as CB’s sudden stillness felt dangerous, Rusty couldn’t help but notice that it also provided the perfect opportunity for him to get away. “Yes, so, thank you for the offer, but today’s just not good for me. It was a, uh, really nice thought, though.”

With that, Rusty sped off, trying not to go too fast so it didn’t look like he was running away. He glanced over his shoulder once to make sure that CB wasn’t following him. Rusty had already put a fair amount of distance between them and CB was little more than a speck against the wide spread of the yard behind him, but even so, Rusty could tell that he hadn’t moved a muscle.

Uncertain of whether he should be relieved or worried, Rusty continued on to Pearl’s, trying his best not to think about the strange encounter.

***

Rusty was careful to arrive at Pearl’s exactly on time. Doing so meant he had to wander around the tracks by her house for a bit to kill time, but he didn’t mind; he’d been thrown off by his conversation with CB and welcomed the chance to clear his head.

His thoughts were still a bit of a mess by the time the hour rolled over. He stood in front of Pearl’s door for a moment to collect himself before ringing the bell. Just a few moments later, he heard the sound of someone coming closer, then Pearl pulled the door open. She was such a welcome, familiar sight that Rusty couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey,” he said, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. Pearl was smiling at him when he pulled back, but it was strangely stiff. She stayed where she was, making no move to follow Rusty out of the house. It gave Rusty some pause. “You ready to go?”

“In a minute,” Pearl said, waving him inside. “Come in for a bit first.”

With some trepidation, Rusty came, following Pearl into the living room. Something about the situation didn’t feel right to him. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was, but it was putting him on guard. And, he noticed, Pearl didn’t seem quite comfortable, either. She had sat down on the couch, staring at her hands in her lap with a slight pout. “Is something wrong?”  Rusty asked, hovering anxiously in front of her.

Pearl opened her mouth to say something, then closed it without a sound. After a moment, she tried again, only to get the same result. Eventually, she sighed. “Come sit down. I think we need to talk.”

Rusty’s heart dropped. Nothing good ever came after a sentence like “we need to talk,” and he had a sinking feeling that he knew where this was headed. His head was suddenly spinning with objections and explanations, pleas and promises, but his mouth was too dry to voice any of them. Tentatively, he took a seat next to Pearl, silently begging the universe for this not to be what he thought it was.

For a long minute, neither of them spoke. Pearl was staring at her feet, brows pinched slightly like she was trying to focus on something. Rusty watched her, hardly daring to breathe and certainly not daring to say anything. A small part of him wanted to ask her what this was about, but truthfully, he already had a pretty good idea.

Eventually, Pearl seemed to have gotten her thoughts in order. “I know this probably seems like it’s coming out of nowhere, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. We’ve been dating for a few months now, and we’ve reached the point where I think we both need to reflect on what we’re really looking for. I don’t know if we’re both hoping to get different things out of this relationship or if we’re trying to move at different speeds or what, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that all of this isn’t what I want.” She took a deep breath before saying the words Rusty was dreading: “I want to break up.”

“Pearl—”

“Please, let me finish.” Rusty obligingly closed his mouth, choking back his words so that Pearl could say everything she needed to. Pearl waited a moment before continuing.  “It’s not that I don’t like you—ever since we met, you’ve been so important to me. You’re one of the people in the yard that I care about the most; you always have been. But that hasn’t translated into a relationship at all. And it’s nothing to do with you,” she said, although it wasn’t as reassuring as she had probably meant it to be. “You’re still as sweet as you’ve ever been, but I don’t think dating you is right for me. We’ve both been putting in a lot of effort to try to keep this relationship going, but it just feels like work at this point, and honestly, Rusty, I’m tired of it. And you have to admit, your heart’s not really in it anymore, either.”

The first thought that jumped into Rusty’s head was that that wasn’t true. He was happy to put so much time and effort into their relationship, and Pearl knew that. She should know how committed he was to her. “Pearl, I really do like you.”

“I don’t doubt that you like me as a friend,” Pearl said, and that ending—as a friend—sunk Rusty’s heart even further, “but romantically?” She shook her head.

“Pearl, I—” Rusty started, but the words died in his throat.

“And it’s not just you,” she went on. “You know you’re one of my closest friends, but I think we’re best as just that: friends.”

“I know we’re good as friends,” Rusty said, heart pounding quickly even as it continued to sink down and down towards his feet, “which is why I know we can be just as good as a couple. We just have to try a little harder.”

Pearl shook her head sadly. “Don’t kid yourself, Rusty. We’ve been trying to make it work for months, but we’re just not right for each other. And there’s nothing wrong with that—not everyone is meant to be a couple. But I don’t want to go on like this; I’m not happy. And I know you aren’t, either.”

A twinge of guilt plucked at Rusty’s heart. The last thing he wanted to do was make Pearl unhappy. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t realize…”

“That’s part of the problem,” Pearl cut in. “You were so focused on trying to make us into the textbook-perfect couple, you didn’t even notice how miserable I was.”

Rusty cringed, his guilt only rising. Was that true? Had Pearl actually been miserable because of him?

The words might have been harsher than Pearl had meant them, and she sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to accuse you of anything. But you need to understand that this relationship isn’t right for either of us. It needs to end.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Rusty was quick to reassure her. “If what I was doing was making you unhappy, I deserve to know that. And you should do whatever you need to to be happy, even if that means we need to break up. If this is what you think will be best for you, I need to respect that.”

Pearl sighed again. This time, there was a hint of exasperation in it. “Rusty, that’s sweet, but can’t you think of yourself for once?”

“What?”

“A relationship isn’t just about making the other person happy. Your feelings are important, too.”

For a moment, Rusty just stared at her. What did that have to do with anything?

Pearl must have picked up on his confusion, because she went on, “You don’t need to ‘respect’ my decision for my sake. You can be sad about it. You can be angry about it. You can be angry at me. But always putting your own feelings aside to make everyone else happy is doing you no good at all.”

Rusty wanted to object, to say that he liked making others happy even if he had to struggle for it sometimes, even if it meant giving up the things he wanted, but he got the feeling that that would only prove her point.

Silence hung between them for a minute before Pearl broke it. “I’m sorry to just throw all of this on you out of nowhere,” she said. “I’ve been trying to find a good time to bring it up for a while now, but there never is a good time, is there?”

Rusty cast his memory back, trying to think if there would have been a better time to have this conversation, but Pearl was right: like with all bad news, it was going to hurt no matter when she said it. It would be, he supposed, better for her to get it over with sooner rather than later.

Rusty took a measured breath, fighting against the way his throat was threatening to close up on him. “So… I guess this is it, then.”

“I’m not trying to say goodbye,” Pearl rushed out. “We can still be friends.”

Rusty smiled ruefully. “That’s what everyone says, isn’t it?”

“But I mean it. I know things probably won’t be great between us for a while, but just because we’re not right for each other as a couple doesn’t mean I want to lose you as a friend.”

“I don’t want to lose you, either,” Rusty said, though he couldn’t help but think that he was already losing her anyway.

Pearl watched him for a moment, a touch of sadness in her eyes. “You know I still care about you, right?” she said softly. “This doesn’t change that.”

Rusty nodded, not quite trusting himself to speak.

Pearl watched him a moment more before reaching over and taking his hand, giving it a light squeeze. Rusty forced a tight smile onto his face in return. He knew it didn’t reach his eyes, but he supposed that it wouldn’t have made a difference if it did; Pearl wouldn’t have been fooled either way.

A suspicious stinging pricked at the corners of Rusty’s eyes and he knew that if he didn’t leave right then, Pearl’s last memory of their relationship would be him dissolving into a puddle of tears of her floor. Determined not to let that happen, Rusty took a deep breath, blinked hard to clear away the wet blurriness that had settled over his vision, and pushed himself up off the couch. Pearl let his hand slip out from hers without a fight, but she stood up as well, following him to the door.

The sun was still shining brightly when Rusty stepped out. A strong breeze had picked up, but the day was still pleasant. Rusty breathed in the fresh air, forcing down the lump that was clogging his throat. He looked back at Pearl over his shoulder, feeling like he had to say something but not quite sure what. “I guess I’ll see you around, then.”

Pearl was hovering in the doorway, looking at him with a touch of concern. “Take your time, Rusty,” she said. “You don’t have to okay right away.”

Rusty nodded silently—it was the only response he could come up with. Then he took another deep breath and mustered up all the composure he could manage so that he could keep his head held high until he was back home.

***

Rusty slept in later that day than he’d meant to. He normally rose with the sun, but today he didn’t wake up until it was already bright out. He tried to cut himself some slack; after all, he’d just gotten dumped. It only made sense that that would be occupying his mind when he was trying to sleep. And occupy his mind it did—he’d been up late into the night, thinking.

In the early hours of the morning, he came to the conclusion that Pearl had been right: they weren’t a good fit for each other, and he knew it. Had known it for quite some time, actually, but kept stupidly trying to make it work. Because that was how it happened in the stories, wasn’t it? The underdog hero overcame his challenges and everyone pushing him down, proved himself, got the girl, and lived happily ever after.

He’d been an underdog in the race, all right, and he’d certainly had plenty of people trying to keep him down. But he’d managed to win in the end, which meant… what, exactly?

In all the stories, this was when the girl finally saw the hero for who he was and realized her love for him, and for Rusty, the girl had always been Pearl. They’d been friends for ages, and she ticked all the boxes for a classic story-book love interest: pretty, kind, popular, the girl all the guys wanted. She’d been so proud of him after he won, and he’d spent so long chasing after her, why wouldn’t they start dating?

Right from the start, though, something felt wrong. Their friendship was as strong as ever, but the romance just wasn’t there. Rusty had done his best to ignore it. It didn’t matter, he had told himself; he was sure he could make it work in the end. Him and Pearl dating was what was supposed to happen—he’d fall in love with her soon enough.

Even as time dragged by, and soon enough was changed to eventually, Rusty refused to let go.

But Pearl was right: neither of them had been happy. Sure, they’d been able to put up a good front when they were out with their friends, but once it was just the two of them, things quickly got awkward and strained. Still, he’d deluded himself into thinking that things would be alright. If they just kept trying, if they worked a little harder, they’d get the happily ever after they’d been promised.

But life doesn’t work like that, Rusty told himself, finally pushing himself out of bed. Really, he should have known better. If all his time spent working as a shunter had taught him anything, it was that life very rarely matched your expectations. You didn’t get something just because you wanted it, dreamed of it, thought you had earned it.

Apparently, you don’t get something just because you work for it, either, Rusty thought bitterly as he made his way into the kitchen. He knew that you couldn’t force feelings, but still, after all of the time and effort he’d put into trying to get it right, he’d hoped he would have had a little more to show for it.

The worst part was, though, he wasn’t actually that upset about losing Pearl. She’d said that they would still be friends and he didn’t doubt that; things would probably be awkward for a while, but they’d been too close for too long to let something like this come between them. No, what got him the most was the realization that he’d been wasting his time. In fact, he’d wasted both of their times, just dragging it out when the break-up was inevitable.

Rusty shook his head, setting the kettle on the stove so he could make himself some tea. Maybe, at the very least, he’d learn something from this. Like to pay more attention to what was happening right in front of him, or to not get so swept up in chasing fairytales. Or perhaps, like Pearl had said, to put more value on his own feelings.

That was another thing she’d been right about: he hadn’t been happy in their relationship either. He saw that now. Although the breakup had—and still did—hurt, he couldn’t deny that it’d also given him a sense of relief. It had taken away a huge tension he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying.

Pearl had told him that she’d been miserable for weeks and he hadn’t noticed; now, he could honestly say that he’d been miserable as well, and somehow managed not to notice that either. And what did that say about him? Rusty mused, pouring the water over a tea bag and bringing it over to the table. He always thought of himself as being fairly sensitive, but could he really claim that if he had missed not only his girlfriend’s but his own unhappiness?

Rusty sat down, resting his chin on his hand as he stared out the window. Clearly he needed to rethink some things about his life. He’d never put too much effort into looking out for people’s emotions; he was sure that he was naturally tuned in to such things so he didn’t think he had to. It wouldn’t be too hard, he decided, to make a conscious effort to pay more attention to how people were feeling. He almost felt he owed it to the rest of the yard to start. After all, if he hadn’t been able to see his relationship falling apart right in front of his eyes, what else had he missed?

A sudden pounding on his door made Rusty jump. Abruptly shaken out of his thoughts, he glanced over his shoulder towards the door, then at the clock. He couldn’t think of anyone who might be coming to see him when it was still relatively early and especially not why they would be knocking like that. It was possible that there was some emergency that Poppa needed him to help handle, but he hoped not; he wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything like that today.

Not wanting to risk ignoring it, in case it was serious, Rusty pushed himself up from his chair, reluctantly leaving his tea behind on the table. As he pulled open the door, Rusty quickly wished he hadn’t: on his front step was CB, slightly out of breath as if he had sprinted there. Rusty was only able to process one emotion—confusion—before CB started talking. “Dinah said you and Pearl broke up.”

Immediately Rusty’s confusion turned into something sour. Hearing it put so bluntly felt like rubbing salt on the wound, but he tried not to let it show. He wasn’t surprised that Pearl told Dinah what happened, but he wouldn’t have expected CB to hear about it, especially not so soon. After all, why would he care?

A large part of him was tempted to just shut the door in CB’s face, but he knew how the caboose would take that, and he really wasn’t in the mood for any trouble today. “Yeah,” he said shortly, sounding every bit as tired as he felt. “We did.”

“Really?” There was a tinge of happiness in the question, tied in with excited disbelief, like someone had just told him he’d won the lottery. Rusty didn’t like it one bit.

He got the sneaking suspicion that CB had only come to rub it in, and he didn’t want to give him the chance. But CB already knew what had happened, so there was no point lying about it. “Um. Yes.”

A bright smile grew on CB’s face and he leaned close into Rusty’s space. “Oh, Rusty. I’m so sorry,” he cooed, not sounding sorry at all.

Rusty leaned back, extremely uncomfortable with CB’s increasing proximity. He cleared his throat, not quite sure what to say. “It’s fine. I probably should have seen it coming.”

Either CB didn’t pick up on Rusty’s discomfort, or he didn’t care. “I’m here if you want to talk about it,” he said, taking a step forward and trapping Rusty in a tight hug.

Rusty blinked, momentarily stunned. This certainly wasn’t what he was expecting, and he had no idea what to make of it. Although, he thought, it probably didn’t bode well—nothing with CB ever did these days. “Um… thanks, CB,” Rusty said, awkwardly patting his back to try to make him let go, “but I’m alright.”

CB held on for a moment more, rubbing his cheek against Rusty’s shoulder. Then, just as suddenly as he grabbed on, he pulled back. He kept his hands wrapped around Rusty’s upper arms, his fingers squeezing as tight as vices. “Let’s do something tonight!”

“What?”

“Something fun,” he continued as if Rusty hadn’t spoken, “just the two of us. To take your mind off it!”

All of Rusty’s previous feelings were quickly overtaken in a rising tide of panic. Spend an extended period of time with CB? Alone? Doing something “fun”? Rusty wasn’t entirely sure what CB’s idea of fun might be, but he was sure he didn’t want to find out. “No, that’s okay,” he rushed out. “I was planning on having a night in tonight. Alone.”

He had meant it to sound like he was looking forward to having some quiet time to himself—which he was—but that wasn’t how CB took it. “I know,” he said sympathetically, giving Rusty a sad smile. Then, like a switch was flipped, he brightened considerably. “But now you don’t have to!”

“That’s really sweet, but…” But what? Rusty tried to think fast; he needed an excuse. “I already planned what I was going to make for dinner, and a lot of the ingredients will go bad if I don’t use them tonight, so—”

“Don’t worry about that; we won’t be going out until after dark.” CB had said it like it was a reassurance, but to Rusty it was anything but.

“After dark?” His voice rose up into an embarrassing squeak. Spending time alone with CB sounded bad enough to Rusty; doing it late at night sounded almost dangerous. He cleared his throat, trying to force his voice back down to a normal level. “I don’t usually go out after dark.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” CB said with a grin.

“Well, normally, yes, but maybe I can save the firsts for another night? Because it sounds like a lot, and I was kind of hoping to be doing comforting things tonight. I’m not really in the mood to be pushing myself.”

CB cocked his head to the side, squinting at Rusty in confusion. “Do you not want to come?”

No! Rusty screamed in his head. He bit down hard on his lip to keep himself from screaming it out loud too. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” he said instead, trying to think of a way out that wouldn’t end with making CB mad, “I’m just not sure that tonight’s the best night.”

CB’s eyes narrowed even further. “So, you don’t want to?”

“No, I do,” Rusty lied.

“But you won’t?”

Rusty’s mind raced. It felt like this conversation was getting away from him, and he wasn’t thinking clearly enough to come up with anything that might save him. In his panic, he started to ramble. “It’s just kind of short notice, and I already had things planned for the evening, and I get up early in the mornings so I don’t really know if it would be a good idea to stay out late, and I usually prefer things quiet so I probably wouldn’t really be comfortable with any night life stuff anyway, and you haven’t even said what we might be doing, or how long it might take, and…”

CB opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no sound came out. His brows drew close together and his eyes narrowed, like there was something he was trying to figure out but couldn’t. He gave up on whatever it was he’d been trying to say with a shake of his head. “Rusty, I am inviting you out. Are you coming?” he said. Frustration was sharp in his eyes, and he sounded on the verge of snapping.

Rusty’s heart beat double time in his chest. Stay on his good side, he reminded himself. You need to stay on his good side. Pushing away all the panicked thoughts screaming about what he was doing, he took a deep breath and forced out, “Yeah, thanks, CB. I’d… I’d love to.”

Immediately, CB’s face relaxed back into its signature grin. “Great! I’ll go get things ready. I’ll pick you up later, okay?”

It was not at all okay, Rusty thought, but he watched CB speed away with no small sense of relief. He shut the door, feeling very shaky, and ended up leaning against it for support. Slowly he let out a deep breath, steadying himself before making his way back to the kitchen. His tea was still sitting on the table where he left it, rapidly cooling. Rusty looked at it and frowned. What, he wondered, had he just gotten himself into?

[carewyncromwell]

[Within an hour, Carewyn had settled down with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill, Charlie, and Percy at their table. As always, Carewyn found herself engaged in loud, raucous conversation -- the sort she would’ve never found at home with her mother and Jacob as a child, but which was as warm and comfortable as the roaring fireplace next to them. It’d been a while since Carewyn had heard Bill and Charlie laugh so much, and it pleased her so much to hear it, after what had gone down just a few days prior.]

I want it to stay like this forever. Everyone happy, and safe, and together...

Charlie: “Reckon since I’ll be the oldest brother at school now, I’ll have to look after Percy and the twins in your stead, Bill!”

Percy: “(his nose wrinkling) You, looking after me? That seems unlikely.”

[Carewyn couldn’t find back a giggle too.]

“Oh come on, Percy, give Charlie some credit. He and I both got made Prefects, didn’t we?”

Percy: “(mutters) I still don’t understand how you did  -- you’ve both broken plenty of rules...”

[His parents clearly hadn’t heard Percy, as Mrs. Weasley cut him off at that point, dabbing at her eye with a handkerchief.]

Mrs. Weasley: “Oh, Arthur, I just can’t believe it -- our oldest son, a Hogwarts graduate!”

[Bill flushed in visible embarrassment, even as he tried uncomfortably to soothe his mother.]

[Mr. Weasley patted his wife’s shoulder comfortingly as he turned to Charlie with a smile.]

Mr. Weasley: “I gotta say, you did a fine job putting this party together for your brother, Charlie.”

[Charlie smiled broadly, his eyes sliding from his father to over at Carewyn.]

“Yeah, but you made it happen, Charlie. You deserve most of the credit.”

Charlie: “Come off it!”

Bill: “(amused) You deserve at least half the credit for keeping me preoccupied while Charlie got all this ready for me, Carey.”

[Mrs. Weasley’s face resembled a proud red sunset as she beamed at Carewyn.]

Mr. Weasley: “Too right! We’re quite the squad ourselves -- got enough kids to start our own Quidditch team...”

Charlie: “(eagerly) Can we? We could call ourselves the Weasley Dragons!”

Percy: “(stiffly) I think I’ll be too busy with homework -- but I’ll cheer you on.”

Bill: “(laughing) And I imagine I’ll be a bit too busy working at Gringotts to play Quidditch...”

[Carewyn giggled softly.]

“If you need alternates for Percy and Bill, Charlie, maybe Andre and I could jump in?”

[Charlie’s brown eyes lit up and he flat-out reached across Bill to snatch hold of Carewyn’s hand in a static, masculine handshake.]

Charlie: “Aw YEAH! Then we could all actually play on the same team! Now we just gotta figure out positions -- I’d be Seeker, obviously, and I guess you’d want to be Chaser, Carey -- ”

Bill: “I reckon Andre might fight you for the Seeker position, Charlie. Ginny too, for that matter.”

[Even though Carewyn hurried to cover her mouth with her free hand, she couldn’t stop herself from bursting out into full laughter.]

[Still giggling lowly to herself, Carewyn pushed her chair back and got up, strolling across the room to head up to the bar to fetch some more drinks.

She was stopped half-way there, however, when a man abruptly materialized in front of her.]

[He was by far the strangest looking wizard Carewn had ever seen. He had broad shoulders and a weary face, but one of his legs was replaced with a wooden prosthetic and one of his eyes was replaced by a large, bright blue glass eye strapped to his head, which swiveled its gaze around the room of its own accord.]

[Carewyn’s eyebrows knit together tightly over her eyes.]

“‘Back?’ Where -- ?”

[Before Carewyn could finish, however, Moody had already moved forward and seized her arm. Carewyn's vision contorted and distorted as her body was scrunched up and twisted like a dish rag -- ]

[And just like that, in a manic flurry of color, the two abruptly Disapparated from the room.]

Rowan: “Carewyn!?”

Bill and Andre: “Carewyn?”

Charlie, Penny, and Barnaby: “Carewyn!”

[Just about all of Carewyn’s friends had bolted to their feet, and Rowan had dashed to the spot where Carewyn had been standing -- but it was too late. Both Carewyn and Moody were gone.]

~*~

[Hours later, Rowan Khanna sat alone at the bar at the Three Broomsticks. All of the other people had already left for the graduation ceremony, but Rowan had stubbornly decided to stay behind and wait for Carewyn. Madame Rosmerta, who looked just as worried herself, had very kindly gotten Rowan a butterbeer to drink while she was waiting.]

[At long last, Madame Rosmerta looked up as someone entered the room.]

Rosmerta: “Carewyn! Oh, thank goodness...”

[Rowan immediately whirled around, leaping off her stool and running over to her friend.]

[Carewyn frowned, her eyes drifting off toward the ceiling almost cynically.]

“The man -- Alastor Moody -- he had some questions about Jacob...I guess he heard about what happened in the Cursed Vault and wanted more details. Once he finally figured out that I’d told Dumbledore everything, though, he said I could go.”

[Rowan’s eyebrows furrowed in concern.]

Rowan: “Did he think you lied to Dumbledore?”

“Or just left stuff out. Either way, I guess it doesn’t matter.”

[Carewyn sighed, glancing around the empty inn tiredly.]

“Shame I missed the rest of Bill’s party...”

Rowan: “Forget the party, I’m just glad you’re okay!”

[She took hold of Carewyn’s shoulder to get her friend to look at her.]

Rowan: “When Moody grabbed you and just vanished like that...we were all really worried. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley told us all that Moody was a good man and that he could be trusted, but...even with that, I still...”

[Carewyn’s eyes softened and she gave Rowan her bravest smile.]

“...Yeah...I guess it must’ve looked scary. But it’s okay -- I’m okay. So don’t worry...all right?”

[Rowan’s face broke into a small, faintly hesitant smile.]

Rowan: “...All right.”

[She looped an arm around Carewyn’s, her smile widening and growing warmer.]

Rowan: “Come on! We’d better hurry -- don’t want to miss the graduation ceremony!”

[Carewyn kept the bright white smile on her face even as Rowan led her out of the Three Broomsticks and back toward school.

She smiled at Rowan as if she hadn’t just outright lied to her face.]

It’s not okay, Rowan. I’m not okay.

But you will be. You -- our friends -- my mum -- everyone else -- you’ll all be okay. You’ll all be safe.

I promise.

((OOC: And so concludes year 5 for Carewyn! Onto year 6...oh, goodie...

Moody swore Carewyn to secrecy about what was discussed -- Carewyn herself took the additional step to actively mislead Rowan about what their meeting had been about. This will be the start of a big shift for Carewyn as opposed to MC’s trajectory in the game storyline -- from here on out, Carewyn isn’t telling her friends anything else about the Vaults or R. She’s taking the burden squarely on her shoulders and -- to make sure her friends can’t try to share that burden or talk her out of it -- she’ll be actively hiding any future involvement she has with R or the Vaults from them. Maybe then, she thinks, she can at least make sure they’re safe... =( ))