#five and klaus need their own buddy comedy show

[badkitty3000]

What do you think Klaus think Five's ideal type is?

Klaus and Five are my absolute favorite dynamic, in case you hadn't noticed :)

So, here's my take. Klaus has a fandom reputation as being the out-to-lunch weirdo and screw-up (I am guilty of doing this as well). And he is...but they all are, so that's not really fair. Klaus is actually very observant of his surroundings, as well as people. It's just that he usually doesn't bother telling anybody anything of note because historically no one listens to him anyway, and after a lifetime of being ignored or laughed at, he has learned to keep most things to himself. But I would say he is the one that has actually paid closer attention to Five since he returned than any of them have.

He is the only one that acknowledges how lonely Five must have been during his time in the Apocalypse (well, Luther kind of does too I guess). He's the only one that actually listens to Five most of the time and wants to spend time with him, whereas everyone else either brushes Five off or blames him for everything ("You're a good brother"😭😭) . He notices that Five is wearing aftershave! 😂

Knowing all of that, I believe Klaus would have a really good grasp on the kind of person Five should be with. He'd be a good wing-man if they were out at a bar. I could see some very cute but dumb-looking girl wandering over to try and talk to Five, but Klaus spies her first and gets in between them, blocking her path. He looks her up and down, judging her, then starts firing questions off like some sort of sphynx with riddles that must be answered correctly before anyone can get by.

"Quick, what is the capital of Zimbabwe?"

She looks blankly up at him. "What?"

"What is the square root of 6,789 rounded to the nearest 100th?"

She stands there, blinking vacantly. "What?"

Klaus waves her off with a dismissive hand. "Shoo...get out of here. You aren't fit to breathe the same air as my brother."

He would know that Five needs someone extremely smart and nurturing, but feisty and sexual at the same time.

Five walks up to Klaus, looking confused and frowning. "The weirdest thing just happened to me. I overheard this woman say she was a pediatric oncologist that volunteers at homeless shelters, but when she walked up to the bar she threatened to kick me in the balls if I didn't get out of her way, then she smacked me on the ass."

Klaus looks excitedly around the bar. "Well don't let her get away, Fivey! Go after her!"

"What are you talking about?"

"That's your dream woman, dummy! I can hear wedding bells already! Go on...go get her, you sexy freak, you!"

Klaus turns Five around by the shoulders and shoves him in the general direction of the woman, while Five just ambles away, completely dumbfounded, but also not arguing. Klaus watches with a smile on his face as he orders another drink and silently congratulates himself on his superb match-making skills.

I feel like I could write a whole long, hilarious scenario of Klaus playing matchmaker for Five, but I'll stop since this is getting too long already. But to sum it up, Klaus would know best out of everyone who would be a good match for Five. Maybe even more than Five would! A smart, sweet, but sexy and strong lady that could hold her own against his ex-assassin brother. And probably someone he'd get along with himself, because Klaus is also a bit selfish and he wouldn't want to hang out with anyone he wasn't also compatible with. 😂

[constantviewings]

The TV Show Trials - Christmas Movies

‘Tis the season! I’m steering off course this month to review films instead of a TV show, because a TV show that’s only about christmas wouldn’t make much money.

White Christmas

A successful song-and-dance duo become romantically involved with a sister act and team up to save the failing Vermont inn of their former commanding general by planning a yuletide musical extravaganza.

This film is iconic, and I loved every second of it. The costumes in this film are gorgeous and I want to own every single one. I plan on making a tradition out of watching this every year.

Rating: 5

Elf

Buddy is a human who was adopted and raised by Santa’s elves. He learns about this and heads to New York City to meet his biological father while also spreading Christmas cheer in a world of cynics in the process.

I feel the need to proceed my thoughts with the fact that I have never been a fan of Will Ferrell, and I am not a fan of this movie. Most of the jokes come down to Will Ferrell either screaming or being dumb. Also, not be overly sensitive, I’ve never been a fan of casting a bit role for a dwarved actor just to make jokes that they’re short.

Rating: 2

 Scrooged

Based on Charles Dickins’ A Christmas Carol, Scrooged is a modern retelling that follows Frank Cross, a cynical and selfish television executive, who is visited by a succession of ghosts on Christmas Even Intent on helping him regain his Christmas spirit.

The film does drag in the first act, but once the ghost of Christmas present shows up, it only gets better. I thought the touch of Bill Murray ‘interacting’ with the audience is a fun way to close out this entertaining film.

Rating: 3

 It’s A Wonderful Life

George Bailey has given up his dreams in order to help others, and his imminent suicide on Christmas Even brings about the intervention of his guardians angel, Clarence. Clarence shows George all the lives he has touched, and how different life in his community would be if he had never been born.

This is a beautiful film with a great sentiment, but my god is it boring! Like everyone else, all I really knew about this film was the ending, and that is truly the only part that I enjoyed. By now you should all know how I feel about films longer than eighty minutes, and at one-hundred and thirty-five minutes, this film is way too long.

Rating: 3

 Crown for Christmas

After getting fired from her job as a maid at a ritzy New York City hotel, Allie reluctantly accepts a temporary job as the governess to the daughter of the King of Winshire. Soon, Sparks begin to fly between Allie and the king.

This film is just A Christmas Prince (which is coming up) but, in my opinion, better. The editing is pretty tragic, but it makes up for that with heart. I am always a sucker for father-daughter stories.

Rating: 3

 A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

Six years after their last adventure, Harold is asked to look after a Christmas tree by his father-in-law, but his ex-roommate Kumar ends up destroying it. The two then set out to find a replacement for the damaged tree.

Despite my earlier comments about Will Ferrell, I am a sucker for irreverent comedy and this film is full of it. I’m also a sucker for goofy 3D, another feature of this film. Also, Neil Patrick Harris is always great to see, especially in this.

Rating: 3

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Charlie Brown finds himself depressed despite to onset of the cheerful holiday season. Lucy suggests he direct a neighbourhood Christmas play, but his best efforts are ignored and mocked by his peers. After Linus tells Charlie Brown the true meaning of Christmas, Charlie Brown cheers up, and the Peanuts gang unites to celebrate the Christmas season.

This special is weirdly anti-commercialist? As well as being very boring, I can guarantee that I won’t be re-watching this.

Rating: 2

 The Muppet Christmas Carol

The Muppet characters tell their version of the classic tale of Scrooge, an old miser who doesn’t care about the joyous season of Christmas is visited by spirits who foretell his future. Will Scrooge turn over a new leaf and change his ways?

This has earned it place as my second favourite Christmas Carol adaptations; behind the Barbie version, of course. Like any Muppets film, it’s entertaining, funny and the songs are great. I also really want one of this tiny mouse muppets.

Rating: 4

 Klaus

A simple act of kindness always sparks another, even in a frozen, faraway place. When Smeerensburg’s new postman, Jesper, befriends toymaker Klaus, their gifts melt an age-old fued and deliver a sleigh full of holiday traditions.

This film has a beautiful heart, but is tonally dissonant in the first half. Once Klaus and Jesper start delivering their presents, it picks up drastically. The heart-warming story, mixed with the gorgeous animation makes for a cute Christmas film.

Rating: 4

 A Christmas Prince

When a reporter goes undercover as a tutor to get the inside scoop on a playboy prince, she gets tangled in some royal intrigue and ends up finding love - but will she be able to keep up her lie?

How did this film get two sequels, it’s so boring?

Rating: 3

Krampus

Frustrated by the constant quarrel between the members of his dysfunctional family, max loses interest to celebrate Christmas, awakening Krampus, a demon who will punish his entire family.

Making a tonal 180, we land on this film; which I adore. The creature design for Krampus and his minions is fantastic and the family dynamic is perfect. My only gripe is that the whole film is too dark, visually, I don’t like struggling to watch movies.

Rating: 5

 Better Watch Out

Ashley travels to the suburban home of the Lemers to babysit their 12-year-old son Luke during the holidays. She must soon defend herself and the young boy when unwelcome intruders announce their arrival.

I hate home intruder films, by that I mean they scare the shit out of me, so I actually love them. I’m not going to spoil this film, because it is best to go in with all I’ve given you already. I loved this movie and the cast does an amazing job, especially Levi Miller.

Rating: 4

 Christmas Under Wraps

When a doctor doesn’t get the position she wanted, she ends up movie to a remote Alaskan town. She unexpectedly ends up finding love, happiness and discovers that the small town is hiding a big holiday secret.

I don’t know why I expected more from the most popular Hallmark film, but this isn’t much. Also, this Santa’s pretty shit if he only leaves on Christmas Eve in Alaska, he would have already missed half of the world.

Rating: 3

Magical Christmas Ornaments

Marie finds her Christmas spirit reawakened when her mother begins sending her the family’s Christmas ornaments. As each ornament arrives, it brings a positive change to Marie’s life, including an introduction to the handsome man from next door.

This film, is the worse precursor to The Holiday Calendar on Netflix. There’s nothing wrong with this film, but maybe watch The Holiday Calendar instead.

Rating: 3

 Jack Whitehall: Christmas with My Father

Jack Whitehall invites his notoriously stuffy father onstage in London’s West End for a Christmas comedy extravaganza, complete with celebrity guests.

Is it a fun watch? Yes. Will I watch it again? No.

Rating: 3

Christmas is easily my favourite time of the year, and I hope it’s pleasent you as well. I’m wishing you the happiest of holiday seasons and a fantastic 2020!