#fitness diet caloriesinvscaloriesout

[marissasmoments91]

And so it begins…

The year 2010 my age 18.  I had gotten my first job working at a movie theatre, life was great; I was earning my own money and got discounted popcorn and candy whenever I wanted. What more could I want?!

I was always a petite child but carried all of my weight in my belly. I danced consistently all of my childhood so my weight stayed fairly static.

 Once I began working and the dance classes lessened my weight slowly crept up and I began to put on what is not so affectionately known as the “freshman 15” (even though I had taken a year off before I started university and wasn’t technically a freshman). My clothes still fit so what was the problem? Nothing in my eyes.

A little under 2 years later I needed a second job; so I got a job working for a chain restaurant.

Here I was again getting discounted food. My life was excellent. I moved my way up the ranks and eventually became a floor manager. Now my meals weren’t just discounted they were free.

You mean I could have free restaurant quality food whenever I wanted? And for free?! You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that chicken parmigiana, curly fries and Caesar salad every day is not a good diet. I only needed to utter the words “I feel like cake” and within 5 minutes I’d have a delicious chocolate cake brought to me by our well intentioned chefs. I got a little bit heavier.

Now you’re probably thinking well how big was she? Now let me just say I’ve never been huge and at this time I ranged between 55 – 60kg. To some that sounds like an ideal weight but a 5 kg fluctuation throughout the year was definitely noticeable in my clothes and on my 5 foot frame the change was always obvious.

In 2015 I got invisalign braces and anyone who has had braces knows how difficult it is to eat. Taking my braces in and out the first few months was painful so I would only take my braces out to eat twice a day. I ate my breakfast and my customary chicken parmigiana during my break at 2pm and then I wouldn’t eat again until the next day. It was with this method that I noticed a weight drop and so did other people. I felt good about myself but as the braces became less painful the more I took them out and started eating normally again and surprise! Surprise! The weight came back.

As an avid gym hater whenever it came up I’d brag that I flat out hated the gym. But it was around this time I thought that I should join one. I joined the local community gym. I’d go do 20 minutes on the treadmill a couple of bicep curls, some crunches and call it a day. This did not last long.

Early 2016 I started working at a hotel, I tried the best I could but let me tell you, having to resist eating the left over breakfast pastries every damn day was difficult and I didn’t often succeed (my personal fav the almond croissants) but then a family friend introduced me to myfitnesspal – a calorie tracking app to help people lose weight. This was perfect I could eat what I wanted and lose weight provided I kept within my assigned calories. It was hard at first but I slowly got the hang of it and dropped some kgs - the lowest I got to whilst using the app was 53.6kg. I was thrilled. I maintained the 53.5 – 55kg weight for the rest of the year.

2017 – I change jobs again moving to another hotel, over the Christmas break I had slowly stopped using myfitnesspal (I figured I didn’t need it) before I knew it I was back up to 59kg. 2 months into the new job and I was promoted to an office role. I was very paranoid about putting on weight as I was no longer moving around all day in the restaurant.

By April I had had enough of the constant fluctuation and began lite n easy. My cousin had started using it and had lost some weight so I thought why not. Coming from an Italian background the food was an adjustment but altogether not terrible. Did I stick to it 100%. NO. I figured since it was a calorie controlled diet if I wanted a piece of cake after dinner with my cup of tea (a weakness of mine) then I could.  It would only put me a little over my allocated calories so there was no harm. Right? The weight didn’t go anywhere. Becoming obsessed, I weighed myself every day in order to help control my eating throughout the day. If I was less than the day before I relaxed, if I wasn’t I was super strict.

 At June 2017 I was 60kg, I vowed to get my act together and take it seriously, after all what was the point of wasting my money on a product that I wasn’t using properly?

 I used events coming up in my life to set goals I wanted to reach. For a family christening in September I wanted to be 55kg and the morning of I weighed in at 55.1kg (I was a bit disappointed but it was pretty much close enough) by October for my cousins 18th I wanted to be 54kg I weighed in on the morning of at 54.1kg. The small goals I set myself seemed to work. I kept on this same trajectory and by 25th November after being super strict for 6 weeks straight I was at my lowest weight I could remember - 53.3kg.I was thin but still 3.3kg from my goal weight. People noticed and complimented me on my weight loss. I was 7kg down in 7 months. I was proud of myself. But was I completely happy, no not really. I hated being invited out anywhere – it stirred a panic in me. Where were we going? What was on the menu? What could I eat? How much would I weigh tomorrow? I managed to get through the silly season with minimal damage to my waistline.

 February 2018 I slowed down on the lite n easy I figured I had learnt enough about portion size and calorie controlling that I could do my own breakfasts and just get lite and easy lunch, dinner and snacks.  Towards the middle of the year I was fed up as I had hit a plateau and I started to give up.

 And then July 2018 I was invited to a black tie industry awards night.

 I bought my dress and whilst it fit, losing a couple of kilos wouldn’t go astray. “I know I’ll drop my calories as low as I can” I thought – after all losing weight is calories in vs calories out so the lower my calories means I would lose more weight right?!

 I dropped my calories to 700- 800 calories a day. For three weeks straight I did this and let me tell you it was not healthy or fun. I was tired, angry and moody. I snapped at anyone and refused to even look at any other food no matter how many times my mum tried to get me to eat more, but I was 26 so there wasn’t much she could do (I actually think that any time she prepped food for me she added more in than what I asked just so I would be eating more)

 I lost over 3kgs in 3 weeks. The day after the event I weighed myself and I had put on over 2kgs. I wasn’t happy.

If you have stuck with me this far into my story you can probably guess how the rest of the year went. I dropped down again to the 53’s and then back up to the 58’s each day weighing myself and being pissed off if my weight had gone up by even 100g.

Heading in to November I had a holiday booked to Hawaii. As it drew closer I kept telling myself I’d drop my calories again but just the mere thought of having to always be hungry and cranky was enough to convince me not to do it. I wanted to at least be 53kg when I left since I knew I’d put on weight over there. I figured if I’m really thin when I get there and put on 5kg I would only be 58kg when I came back and I could lose the weight again. After all I had before.

So about 3 weeks out I thought I better start prepping and again I dropped my calories to 700 – 800 by skipping lunch and went for a 30 min walk outside of the office instead. I dropped weight but only reached low 55’s. That would have to do and I vowed to myself I’d join a gym when I got back and lose the weight properly once and for all.

I went to Hawaii and I ate what I wanted – why the hell not I was on vacation!

 I came back early December, I was scared to get on the scale. I weighed 64kg. I had put on just under 9kg in 10 days. How was it possible? I was mortified, upset and angry. I got straight back to dieting and did join a gym. I managed to lose a couple of kilos but a family tragedy resulted in some comfort eating and my weight ballooned back up to 64kgs.

 This brings me to 24th December 2018 where the story really begins…