#fit-ography

[tomicscomics]

01/17/2025

What a jarring revelation.

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: 1. In this Bible story, Jesus & Friends are at a wedding feast, but the feast prematurely runs out of wine (maybe Jesus & Friends' fault; unclear). This is a super big deal. Jesus's mother, Mary (from the Bible), tells Jesus about the shortage, then gives the servants her last spoken line in the Bible: "Do whatever He tells you." Peak Mary. Jesus tells the servants to fill some stone washing jars with water, then He turns that water into a wine so fine that those who dine declare it divine. 2. In this cartoon, Thomas (from the Bible), goes to Mary (from the Bible) to question her Son's instructions. Jesus says He wants to turn some dirty old water into fine wine fit for a wedding? But isn't that strange? Almost as strange as Him wanting to turn us lowly humans into fine saints fit for the presence of God, perhaps?? An encounter which prophets, poets, and Jesus Himself (from the Bible) all describe as the ultimate wedding feast??!!!

[vahlee]

PROJECT 2025 is a massive plan assembled by The Heritage Foundation, which seeks to forcefully install Christianity as the national religion and revert America to the pre-Civil Rights Era of racism and sexism. Women will not be allowed to have abortions, divorce their husbands, or work. Children will lose access to s*ex education, which helps them realize if they're being abused. And LGBTQ people, no matter who, will be classified as "p*orn*ography" and thrown in prison, including trans people and anyone on the right who is queer. Librarians who "distribute" "p*orn" or any parents who have and support queer kids will be forced to register as "s*X offenders".

If anybody tries to spout the "principles of P25", say

I'll tell you what it's really about.

1 — "Family" in this context means only "white, straight" families where the mom stays at home and the dad runs everything and controls the wife. No LGBTQ people are included in this.

2 — The "administrative state" has hundreds of thousands of employees who work to run the country behind the scenes, like election counters. The CDC, EPA and the FBI will be dismantled. Without them, rich donors with no expertise would rule everything, creating chaos.

3 — The borders are not a threat to us right now. Immigrants commit less crime than Americans and all the drugs the right say are being smuggled through the border are being smuggled by AMERICANS.

4 — Christianity is not a religion everybody here follows. What about people who either are Hindu or Muslim or atheist? Where are their rights to not be forced into religion?

Project 25 does not need Trump to be passed, only a Republican. And Republican Presidents have been passing parts of the Mandate for Leadership since 1983, starting with a Ronald Reagan. Trump claims to not know what it is, but he signed 60 percent of the 2018 Mandate for Leadership into law during his first year in office.

President Biden's mental health is in decline and he is no longer fit to be President, but we don't have a choice between him and Trump.

Project 2025 will revert America to a dystopia where everyone does as they're told. If you can't see how bad this is, you're blind.

@tohjwcc @i-am-socially-anxious-lol @wolfheartsstuff @rianekochou Please spread this as far as you can, my platform is not big enough to share as far as you can.

[eurovision-revisited]

Eurovision 2005 - Number 1 - Jadranka Juras - "Anima"

2005 is a weird year. Normally there are a two or three songs I know are likely to be my winners from early on. In 2005 that didn't happen. I genuinely had no clue what song would win. Even if I had picked eight or nine potential winners, this would not have been one of them. It's the very definition of a grower. Having said that, I'm still surprised this unheralded eighth place finisher from EMA came out top in my bracket.

Jadranka Juras had one earlier attempt at EMA in 2003 - when she got a single point and finished second last. She's a classically trained singer who switches between pop, light opera and jazz easily and frequently. She's here in 2005 because her first album is out and this is the lead track from it.

Anima wears its avant-garde qualities on its extraordinarily long sleeves. That instrumental struts and stomps its way with dramatic low order brassy punctuation and woozy synth farts that swirl around between the chorus and verses. There's an eastern sounding hammered string thing going on that keeps the pace and tension high.

Tension is what this song is about. It's a moment in an argument between a man and a woman. She gives (Dam dam) much of herself, doesn't give (Ne dam) things that cause distress and generally does her bit to make the relationship work. He keeps disappearing and is hiding something. The song represents this opening statement in what's undoubtedly going to be a protracted argument. Her first steps towards freedom.

The lyrics and song are both angular in strange ways. The backing singers insistent dam dams synchronised to shoulder-ography. It's perpendicular to the status quo, jutting out when previously everything had been smooth. Jadranka herself has moments of choreography that fit the song's more unlikely pauses and quirks. Initially she's attached to the male dancers, but by the end she's liberated and in control.

I love everything about it - even if Slovenia didn't. Yes, it's definitely not a standard Eurovision pop song. Selecting it would have been daring in the same way that Latvia selecting Samanta Tina in 2020 and 2021 was. Yet, eighth place is selling this short. It was probably that low in the result as it directly followed two of the favourites including the winner.

Since 2005, Jadranka's career has taken her to many places geographically and musically. From performing in a production of Mozart's Die Zauberflöte to becoming a judge for a season on the Slovenian X Factor. She's released several albums all wonderfully different from the others. Avant-garde pop to big band ensemble to light jazz. She's one of the more versatile signers the national finals have given a stage to and she's continuing to tour, perform and record today. She's a passionate supporter of animal welfare organisation and has addressed the Slovenian parliament on this issue

Anima is an odd winner, but its weird, quirky shifts and the integration of song with performance are way ahead of the Eurovision status quo and for me it's the best of 2005.

[austerlitzborodinoleipzig]

Ranking the GPF programs - Junior RD edition

6 - Darya Grimm/Michail Savitskiy - Milonga Sentimentale/Tango Apasionada/ Codigo de Barra, choreo by Mariia Tumanovska-Chaika

While Darya and Michail are a lovely team, latin dances or tango are absolutely not their thing. They are a more retro team, which is surprising because they are so young, but anyway, blues, old rocks suit them a lot better.

This tango is there. It’s not bad by any means because they are very good skaters. And they did try hard to sell it, but it just doesn’t really fit.

If they were to skate to a waltz OTOH... (ISU do it please)

5 - Célina Fradji/Jean-Hans Fourneaux - Tango Gringo n°1, choreo by Karine Arribert

A yes nothing screams tango like a “Hall of the Mountain King remix”. But you know ? In a sea of questionable programs this season, amid all the Latin Wicked Games, Latin Imagine Dragons, Tango Pirates of the Caribbeans, that RD feels almost tame.

It’s fun and quirky which is very French Ice DanceTM. They seem into it. They’re happy. I’m happy.

4 - Hannah Lim/Ye Quan - Primavera Porteno, choreo by Romain Hagenauer

Defintely one of the best RDs of the season, and leaps and bounds over the rest of the junior field, including the french and germans at JGPF... And yet only fourth places here which says all you need to know about the quality of that junior field.

Hannah and Ye looked senior ready in that program. it’s mature, it’s classy, there’s breath and polish to it. Not my favorite tango music, but you can’t have everything.

3 - Nadiia Bashynska/Peter Beaumont - Spanish Waltz/Tango Grande from the Great Gatsby Suite, choreo by Carol Lane

Nadiia and Peter were iirc the only one doing a Waltz with the Tango, which was an A+++ choice. It made them stand out in the best way. It played to their strength as a lyrical team.

And I just love the opening of the program. The music for the Spanish Waltz is beautiful. Love the steps and the little waltz jump, and the sheer breath it gives to their skating.

The tango part doesn’t go that hard despite them selling it hard, but it’s still great.

2 - Phebbe Bakker/James Hernandez - Flamenco The Duel/Tango de Besame/ Concerto de Espana, choreo by Penny Coomes

Obsessed with their costumes, and with the choreo. Skating skills not as good as the Koreans, Czechs, or Canadians, but they make up with everything else. 

The most senior-looking team in this field. Their RD is fierce, intricate, and passionated.

1 - Katerina Mrazkova/Daniel Mrazek - A Evaristo Carriego/Espana Cani, choreo by Matteo Zanni

Not to be annoying but it’s a very “you had to be there” team. Had to be there at JGP Ostrava, when the Mrazkovi were not on anyone’s radars, but everyone watching the ISU streams noticed Katarina’s red dress and were dreading the inevitable disaster that could come from skating with such a long garment.

And then the Mrazkovi proceeded to absolutely demolish the RD, and the junior world record to boot!

(The disaster happened at JGPF).

That RD is genius, because it’s mad. It’s always verging on catastrophe, but when they pull it off! The speed. The power. The dress-ography. The unisson those two have. The way the dress moves during the twizzles. The final pose were Daniel is ready to execute Katerina...

Hope the madlads demolish the senior ranks.

[astrochiron]

hey buddy,whats upp? xD neptune oppsite asc i am asking an description good and bad pls. adios

Hey-oh! Your connection to spirit and the world around you often goes against the way you come off to others. If you're around my age, you likely have serious and more limited sense of spirit and romanticization with a Capricorn Neptune which would definitely not always vibe with the caring, even doughy nature of a Cancer ascendant. If you’re a bit younger, your laissez-faire and bubbly Leo ascendant doesn't match your progressive and humanitarian streak given by an Aquarius Neptune.

Ashton Kutcher fits perfectly! God, I love astrology. His witty and comical Gemini ascendant is opposed by his Sagittarian Neptune which is much more focuses on the moral well-being of the world. It threw people for a loop when t was announced that Kutcher was basically semi-retired from acting in order to put his energy into fighting sex trafficking as well as child p***ography.

[cigneutron]

Happy Halloween! The world is falling apart so I’m just gonna do what makes me happy with zero shame. Turns out I really enjoy drawing monster pone-ography. I get it, this artistic direction is not for everyone, The world is not one size fits all and neither am I, I’m no longer editing my true self. I make art for myself and those that appreciate what I do. I’ve realized I’ve been locked in a prison of shame for so long and for what? What good is being embarrassed or ashamed do for anyone? Why are we living our lives based on other people’s perspectives? So Meet Furry Footanari in all their #pan #furry glory! They are one of my imaginary pone stars in a series I call wholesome pone. I’m using these characters to help myself and others unpack s exual traumas and explore things that are absurdly taboo. Furry challenges people to confront their aversion to pansexuality, body hair, and circumcision. Pone-ography is a deeply powerful artistic medium, in fact one of the ballsiest 😜 mediums out there. So if you want to say fuck the norm and enjoy my monster pone join us on pa tre on . Com / rancig or li nk in bio. I’m no fan of the capitalist paradigm we currently live in so our pa tre on is pay what you can. You can join our Anomalous community for as little as a dollar! #irreverentism #happyhalloween #halloween #panpride #lgbtq🌈 #lgbt https://www.instagram.com/p/CHBv6UtgPxT/?igshid=ur79hgfhkr4z

[brothermarc7theatre]

“Legally Blonde” show #799

This past Thursday evening brought an evening with Delta Nu president, Elle Woods, and her journey to Harvard Law in pursuit of her “serious” ex-boyfriend, Warner. However, on the road to not getting him, she discovered that she had the intelligence and strength within to overcome the dreaded stereotypes and judgments that come with being a blonde. Elle Woods may be a lot of things, but she’s not “that blonde,” as demonstrated when she outsmarts: a snooty saleswoman; her pompous ex in a case study; her sleazy law professor, Prof. Callahan; her new hairdresser’s also-sleazy ex-boyfriend; a possibly gay and/or European pool boy; and a murderous daughter. All these points of wit and tenacity are demonstrated quite well in a fully-realized performance by CenterStage Clovis’ Sarah Rosenthal. Her legit vocal chops, bright smile, and understanding of what makes Elle tick on her journey to Harvard Law valedictorian are what elevates her arc to one that captures the heart of the audience.

From the start, it is clear what director Scott Hancock has set out to do with this beloved piece of fluffy musical theatre: let the audience enjoy and bop to the musical numbers, but really home in on Heather Hach’s book. As a whole, the message of Legally Blonde is effectively delivered by giving its proper attention to the comedy and romantic plot points; however, no moment is lost when portraying the, for lack of a better term, ickier side of Elle’s journey as a lawyer. Prof. Callahan is all that is wrong with males-in-power, and Mr. Hancock’s pacing of the Act Two scene with Ms. Rosenthal and Darren Tharp, playing Prof. Callahan, is what makes this production the whole package it so deserves to be. The calculated hunter, assuming his prey (Elle) is weak and defenseless when she is actually more than capable of standing up for herself, finally, is what makes the journey worth it. That being said, the acting and singing performances in this Legally Blonde are commendable and so well-suited for an evening of entertainment at the Mercedes Edwards Theater.

(Sarah Rosenthal (Elle) holding Pennie (Bruiser); Photo source: CenterStage Clovis)

Ms. Rosenthal’s bubbly, charming demeanor is exactly what Elle should be, and her vocal chops are on exuberant display in her leadership of “What You Want,” “So Much Better,” and given a nice depth of angst and wanting in the title song, post-Callahan kiss. What makes Ms. Rosenthal’s performance so effective is that she never loses focus on what Elle really wants, which is Warner. This slow burn chemistry fizzles as Warner, played with a nice dose of pomposity and dripping cockiness by William MacDonald, is at its peak in “Serious,” the fake-out proposal song which garners laughs and insta-sympathy for Elle. As that fire gets doused, Ms. Rosenthal dishes as much as she gets from Dakota Simpson’s endearing, scene-stealing turn as Emmett, nerdy law students who is Callahan’s right hand man and eventual co-counsel on the case at hand. The rise in attraction and respect Elle and Emmett have for one another is given a logical, warm, and driven passion, making their relationship one the audience so desperately roots for. Mr. Simpson’s vocals are beautiful in storytelling nuance and musical richness in “Chip on My Shoulder” and the “Take it Like a Man.”

(Sarah Rosenthal (Elle) and Dakota Simpson (Emmett); Photo source: CenterStage Clovis)

Mr. Tharp is a devilishly fetching Prof. Callahan, and his vocals make the often skipped song on the cast recording, “Blood in the Water,” (no offense to Michael Rupert, or Laurence O’Keefe and Nell Benjamin) a dynamite Act One almost-patter tune with a big-voiced ending which Mr. Tharp absolutely nails. But not just a presence and a voice, Mr. Tharp’s acting chops make every one of his scenes a demand for attention as a plot-pushing service culminating in his eventual exit from the courtroom. Madelyn Broach is a standout as Vivienne, Warner’s new girlfriend and law student who does not like Elle one bit, until she does. Vivienne is one of those roles written in a very unbalanced fashion in terms of musical chops versus acting turns. However, when Ms. Broach’s belt is unleashed in the “Legally Blonde (remix),” the audience’s patience is rewarded, as the notes sweep attention to where it’s due, allowing Ms. Broach to round out her journey from frigid law competitor to female empath who realizes the value of teamwork and doing the right thing. Kay Wilkins is a comedic gem of an actress as Paulette, Elle’s new hairdresser, friend, and all-around confidant. “Ireland,” and its reprise, is given the right staging and comedic inflection to allow Ms. Wilkins’ to make the ill-fitting solo a production highlight. However, it is in the energetically staged and performed “Bend and Snap,” where Ms. Wilkins really lets loose and rocks the house alongside the solid trio of Fatima Avila, Ava Tafallo, and Lexie Castellanos, playing Elle’s Greek chorus/Delta Nu sisters, Pilar, Margot, and Serena, respectively. The trio does kick off the show with an enthusiastic “Omigod You Guys,” though the sound mixing had the band overpower the majority of those opening vocals.

(L to R: Darren Tharp (Prof. Callahan), Dakota Simpson (Emmett), Sarah Rosenthal (Elle); Photo source: CenterStage Clovis)

Musically, this is one of the best versions of the score I’ve ever heard, fabulously led by conductor, Pete Van Der Paardt. Though the orchestra does overpower in several of the all-call numbers, the tuneage and energy is felt throughout the charged O’Keefe/Benjamin score, and delivers the intimacies of “Legally Blonde” and “Chip on My Shoulder” in a manner the character’s feelings are truly felt. Erin Roberts’ choreography of “What You Want” and “Whipped into Shape” are show highlights in terms of honoring the lyrics, the dance breaks, and letting loose the hard-working ensemble in a way that gives personality to the more legit dance turns. And while we’re on it, Kelsey Coyne’s performance as Brooke Wyndham, fitness goddess and murder suspect in the case at hand, is absolutely flawless, jump rope-ography and all. It is so mean for O’Keefe and Benjamin to make the actress playing Brooke have to belt and riff after such a demanding Act Two opener, and yet, with Ms. Coyne in the part, it is an effortless (appearing), completely stellar job that is deserving of multiple rounds of applause, if not an ovation.

(Kay Wilkins (Paulette) petting Victor E. Buldog III (Rufus); Photo source: CenterStage Clovis)

Legally Blonde closes in just two days, with three chances left to see it. It is not every production of this particular title that lends itself to more attention than is basically needed to follow the simple plot and tap your toe to the upbeat tunes. However, Mr. Hancock and company have done what is necessary to ensure that the heart and the message of this show take prominence. That is what Elle would want you to leave thinking about. That is what we audience members need to be reminded of. Go see this show!

[pastelkunoichi]

One Night Only; Joe Mazzello X Female pairing

Warning; Mature content. 

Deacydeacy did not write this, all credits to memoirsofamessybitch.

Every Saturday its starts in a drinking establishment, doesn’t matter which one, but never the same one. I have my go to dresses and outfits, but it usually I chose an outfit depending on the kind of place it is. Tonight I was skipping over the dark and dank lounges and going for the high end. I slipped on my most expensive white Dior dress with the plunging neckline and positioned a gold chain between my chest. My red stilettos clacked against my hardwood floor as I pranced in front of my mirror. No matter what I wear, I always wear red lipstick. My pale complexion always gets their attention, and they always go crazy for the red lips.

I take a town car to the destination, never a cab. Even if I’m going somewhere a little gritty, it’s ALWAYS a town car.

I don’t make a huge entrance. I almost slip in like a whisper. I don’t need to make a fuss…because I know people see me, I know people are watching.

“Evening madam, are you drinking alone tonight” A tall long faced man greets me at the door in the fashion that is obviously fitting for me.

“For now” I reply slipping him some money, I do it subtle; men like to make sure people see. But a simple touch of the hand, he feels the cash against his skin, he gets it. He nods silently and leads me to a table not far from the pianist. This place was most certainly the nicest I had ever been. Chandeliers, gold dripped on everything and the clientele were all the cream of the crop, New York’s finest. I crossed my legs tightly as I watched my dress rise up slowly. I don’t scope the room for the best looking man or the richest man….or the kinkiest man. I just wait….and he’ll come to me. I lick my red stained lips preparing to tell the young waiter my drink order.

“Dirty Martini, two olives” You never start with champagne or a dark liquid. White Rum is acceptable but with a soft mixer, but a Dirty Martini is a drink that will catch the ear of the right gentlemen. Two olives give it the imagery that I’m playing with something I shouldn’t be in my mouth. And the right gentleman will notice that straight away.

A napkin befalls me and my drink. I tip the waiter again, subtle as always. He leaves, and I begin to drink. Having your hair in a particular way is important too I forgot to add. I wear it down….because most men like the idea of a women’s long luscious hair. The want to touch it, smell it….pull it. I pride myself on my Hair-ography. A slight hair flip….maybe pushing it back. Never play with the ends, this isn’t high school.

Then he approaches, took 15 minutes. Usually takes 10 but I wasn’t complaining. I’m usually somewhere less classy than this. I see his tight black suit pants that held something rather intriguing first, then his hands holding two glasses and a champagne bottle. (That’s why you never order champagne first). The water dripped from the bottle onto his black shoes. I worked my way up. I could only see so much of his body, it was inviting as it was wrapped in a crisp white shirt, topped off with a suit jacket that fit him like he was born to wear it. No tie….which surprised me at first, then Intrigued me. His collar was open a bit at the top, I smirked; contain it I thought looking away again. His face looked soft, but it held mystery, like perhaps his interior wasn’t as soft as his exterior. He didn’t smile, instead the man played with his lips and teeth with his tongue as he smirked. Wait for him to speak, don’t engage first, NEVER.

“Evening” His voice was deep but also soft and sweet with a hint of charm and cheek. I sip my Martini first, and then speak.

“You brought me a present” I nod my head at the bottle of King Brut Vintage. It had been sometime since someone spent over 300 on my first drink. “But my mother always taught me to share” I point to the chair in front of me as I watched him invite the waiter to bring us a bucket to keep our bottle cold. He sits down and begins to pour the drink.

“I really hope you aren’t waiting for someone” he smiled slightly and my eyes sparkled.

“I’m always waiting for someone” I wrap my fingers around the flute and wait for him to finish pouring his. I hold mine up towards his.

“To waiting for the right person” I make the toast. He chuckles and nods as he clinks his glass against mine.

You never talk about your past, you keep it brief, keep yourself a sexy enigma. You let them do all the talking and drinking. You have to keep fairly sober for what will occur later.

Joseph Mazzello III, actor, native to this fine city, handsome with a lovely head of dark auburn hair and a warm demeanor. Extremely charming and he even makes me laugh a few times. I could sense this man had a more, relaxed side. The kind of man what would sit in bed with you on a Sunday and watch cooking programs after going out and getting you a fresh coffee from the local cafe. But this evening I didn’t want the husband kind. I wanted filth and debauchery and I knew he was dying to try something, someone who looked that doughy eyed always did.

“What made you come over” I speak once again, and then sipped the last droplets of the Krug.

“I clocked you the second you walked in; I can tell you hold yourself highly, make it like you don’t want every son of a bitch to rush to you’re side..but I know exactly what you want tonight….and I am very willing and ready to give you that, just say the word” He leans in and spoke to me in a hushed tone. He bit down on his lips then smiled. I curled my lips inwards then cracked a slight smirk.

“Take me somewhere and prove it to me” I lean in closer and click my tongue in response. “And If I’m not impressed you call me a car home” He nods silently stunned by my advance. I don’t usually lubricate too long with them, especially if I’m certain I’m getting something I want. He stands up and slips on his jacket, I see the shirt hug his biceps and shoulders, I try to control my body. Wait till you’re there…wait.

He holds out his hand to help me up from my chair. He stops and marvels at my curves before letting my hand go. He doesn’t need to say anything the way he looked at me was enough.

I have rules.

Never go to their homes. Most of the time the men have spouses and that is always messy, so make sure you go to a hotel or a bed and breakfast. I never take them back to mine. They don’t need to know where I live. Some of them fall in love and that also gets messy.

No drugs. If a man tries to get me to do a line of coke off his ass, I’m out of there. I don’t mind other people being there but I prefer it to be another woman. Two men can get too much.

Joseph (or Joe as he insisted on being called) took me to the Four Seasons, thinking this was new for me, but I humored him. We were silent as we walked slowly side by side to the room. The top floor suite was hidden behind two beautiful black varnished doors, and it was gorgeous. I stepped in and nodded my head in agreement. Joe went straight for the bar in the corner next to the 50 inch screen mounted to the wall. I took my shoes off and placed them in the corner by the door. I walked against the carpet and felt it between my toes, like clouds. I looked at the enormous four post bed and placed my clutch on the sheets carefully. He had made himself a hard scotch and put on some sultry music on the speakers as I felt his eyes burn against my skin. I signaled him to come to me with my right index finger. He clutched onto his scotch glass as he stepped down towards me, licking his lips along the way. I liked to kiss, kissing them lets them know I’m ready to be intimate, whatever way they wanted. He sipped his drink once more and looked down at me with soft wanting eyes.

“I knew you wouldn’t want that car to be called” He said touching my hair gently. They love the hair. I pouted and ran my hands slowly up his back. He leans in and kisses me with those spicy scotch soaked lips and I revel in it. He tries to slip a tongue in but I step back. He frowns at me slightly then turns and looks at a chair by the bathroom door. He downs the rest of his scotch and drags the chair to the centre of the room. I watch him take his jacket off aggressively and throw it to the side somewhere. He unbuttons more shirt buttons and I see more of his chest, my curiosity grows. He sits and I stand with my hands on my hips looking down at him. Joe did not seem too much of a threat to me, but, looks can be deceiving. Although he wasn’t broad and bold in the body, he made up for it in the way he held himself, and I wanted more. He sat down and ordered me.

“Make me another” he held out his glass to me. I nod and take it, making sure our fingers touch slightly. I Pour it, neat and step lightly back to him.

“Strip for me to the music, slowly…..down to whatever you have underneath….” He pursed his lips around the rim of the glass as those piercing dark eyes burnt into me again. I began to move my hips slowly to the music touching my hair and moving my hands down my body. I slip the dress of from my shoulders. Teasing him with my bare skin, I remembered I wasn’t wearing a bra underneath tonight, just the white lace knickers. I turned my back to him as I began to slip it off slowly, still swaying my hips. I look at him over my shoulder as the dress slowly slipped down past my hips and onto the floor. I stepped out of it turned slowly getting on the floor. My perky tits hung down as I crawled towards him on my hands and knees, letting my eyes scorch into his. Never break eye contact, stay in control. He gripped his thigh and his glass as he watched me run my hands up his calves and onto his thighs. He pushed my hair from my face and took held my chin carefully.

“Stand up…” he asked so gently, yet his voice was gravelly and wanting. I stand up and watch him press the cold glass against the skin on my stomach. I let out a surprised gasp and then laughed. He laughs and smiles looking up at me. He put down his glass and began to touch me with his hands. He started on my ass, squeezing it through my underwear. Then the panties began to come down. He took his time sliding them off. I bit down on my lip as my body began to tremble in his grasp. I was losing control and I loved it. I tilt my head back as he planted soft bitter kisses on my hip bones and on my bare pussy.

“Bend over on the bed” of course I oblige, I keep my feet on the floor and lay myself flat on my front, pushing my arse up in the air. His hands still so warm, he grabs my behind and gives it another hard squeeze, then a slight spank. Nothing too hard to leave a mark or hurt, but something he was dying to do, perhaps his whole life.

“Harder” I moan into the bed. He hesitates, but responds by hitting my ass harder, with his whole hand this time.

“HARDER” I scream into the bed this time. “HARDER JOE HARDER”

A succession of hard spanks followed as he groaned in excitement. I stood up and held my sore cheeks and looked over my shoulder at him again.

“Are you ok?” he mumbles taking the ends of my hair in his fingertips. I turn and grab his shirt.

“Only if you want me to be” I pull him closer and begin to chew on his earlobe, biting down on it.

“Fuck” his voice vibrates in my ear as his hands hold onto me tightly. I felt his cock push through his pants. I wanted to take it out but….that was up to him.

“Joe…do you like it rough” I push myself off him and land on the bed. I spread my legs for him and push my hair back.

“Yes” his voice didn’t quiver; he just looks between my legs and bites down on his lip.

“Do you want to stick that big fat cock in me and fuck me till I can’t stand” I start to touch myself, rubbing it softly and gingerly, teasing him.

“YES” He almost rips his shirt off in front of me, his eyes full of passion and lust. I licked my fingers and go to touch myself again, but his hands grip onto my wrist to stop me. He pulls me off the bed and forces me to the floor on my knees. He begins to fiddle with his zipper, then in one motion slips off his trousers and boxers. I smile cheekily as I remain in awe of his formidable cock. Such a treat for me. Long, cut and pink with droplets of pre-cum teasing me from the end. He grabs my hair tightly as he watches me suck his cock like no one had before. I pride myself on my cock sucking abilities. My lip and tongue ratio are out of this world, I’ve made men squirm and cry out my name before. I could take it, all the way down, I learnt how to open up my throat and control my gag reflexes. He pushes my head down further as his eyes roll back and his mouth hangs open a little. Red lipstick stains his shaft. I could feel it rubbing onto my chin. I didn’t care. 

“Oh shit” He mumbles as he continued to push my head up and down faster. I grow worried that if he blew his load he won’t be able to do me the way I wanted him to. But he pulls my mouth off of him not long after I start.

“Lay down” I wipe my mouth and jump onto the bed and lay on my back. I watch him fumble in his suit jacket for a condom. His ass was spectacular. Don’t get too wrapped up…stay calm I remind myself. He grabbed a tie from one of the bath robes and made his way back over to me. He sits atop of me and begins to tie my hands above my head.

“I want you to be as loud as possible, I will grab your throat and pull your hair, and I want you to say my name as much as you can” He growls at me, and then kisses me, his tongue finally found its way inside my mouth and it danced with mine in a wonderful fashion, flicking one another from time to time. His cock rubbed against my pussy as I bucked my hips, begging for him to slide in.

He starts slowly, to warm me up, but I was already so wet it was so easy for him. Fucking me balls deep while holding onto my slender pale neck, his eyes open watching me scream and call his name.

“YES JOE OH FUCK YEAH, COME ON BIG BOY FUCK ME HARDER GOD YES FUCK” perhaps I was laying it on a bit thick, yes he was good but no man is ever THAT good. Joe found his center and began to moan himself. Which gets me off in the most wonderful way. Hearing his delicate groans was enough to edge me closer.

“Oh fuck” his voice trembles as he fights the urge to cum; he was trying to get me to finish first….which I loved even more. He threw my ankles onto his shoulders as his hips crashed against me. He stopped, almost suddenly. Oh shit he lost it didn’t he….I looked up at him panting; my chest rose and fell in fast succession also. He began to untie me.

“What happened?”

“I want you to ride me….I wanna watch you cum on me….”He whispers in my ear, giving it a kiss. He lays down and watches me slide myself on his cock. I bounced on it at first, grabbing my hair.

“Grind a little….go on” he pushed my hips back and forth as I began the motion itself, his finger tips pressed deeply into my skin. My clit was rubbing against his pelvic bone, in a steady fashion. Joe knew exactly what this would do to me, he wanted to see me at my most vulnerable, he wanted to watch me crumble into orgasm.

The pleasure was intense and sudden. My cries of ecstasy were ones I didn’t even think I could make. My clit vibrated and pulsated; oh god an orgasm, and it felt so fucking good. Joe cupped my tits as he smiled watching me whine and shake in pleasure. My pussy gushing slightly over his cock I clenched tightly and let my body go through it.

“Good?” he played with my nipples as I nodded. Without warning he sat up and grabbed me, kissing my nipples and chest passionately as I rocked back and forth on his cock. He laid me back down on my back and slid out from inside me. Joe ran two fingers against my pussy, feeling how wet I truly was. Then he stuck his middle and index finger into his mouth then smirked down at me.

“On your front again now” I rolled onto my front and felt his hands grab my hips and raise my ass up. He stuck it in me fast, it kinda hurt but in a good way. With a hand full of my hair, it was now Joe’s turn to finish. My throbbing cunt ached for a break, but I knew he wouldn’t be long. His balls slapping hard and fast against my ass cheeks, pulling my hair. Joe came hard, so much so he collapsed almost. I moved out of the way so he could lay down, I removed the cum filled rubber and disposed of it properly. I slip on one of the robes while looking down at him, he was still panting and sweating almost.

“Looks like you could use a soak and a rub down Joe” He looks up at me and nods, still breathless. “Why don’t you join me” The tub was big enough for two people, and the television in the bathroom indicated I could of course put on a nice filthy porno for us to watch while I rubbed my myself against Joe. The night is still young after all.

(Submitted by memoirsofamessybitch)

[felababz]

Congratulations to Tyson Fury. I can't really stand to be beaten up like Wilder. 🤣😎🤣😂 Round 7 isn't a joke. Wowwww. Pls follow me up while I follow you back as well @babz2nery Tags###### #instablogunilag #sports #gym #fitness #sport #رشاقه #basketball #instagood #phot~ography #football #lifestyle #new #canon #art #healthy #athlete #shoutout #likes #follow #comment #love #followme #like #instagood #bellsuniversity #fedpolyilaro #instablogger #instablog9ja #naijatrends #9jalatest (at Lagos, Nigeria) https://www.instagram.com/p/B85q1maFQAh/?igshid=1xwbbq6s3ajaq

[tomicscomics]

06/07/2024

Wishing you all a blessed Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus!

JOKE-OGRAPHY:

1. The Sacred Heart: In Catholic tradition, the month of June is dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, a devotion which sees Jesus's heart as a symbol of God's boundless love for humanity. Moreover, the Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus is being celebrated today (June 7th) this year.

2. Original Imagery: The Sacred Heart is depicted as a human heart wreathed by thorns (like Jesus's crown of thorns) and divine flames/light, with a bleeding wound in the side (a reference to Jesus's postmortem spear-wound), and topped off with a cross (for obvious reasons).

3. My Imagery: In this piece, I depict the Sacred Heart in three stages, separating the symbolism into simple parts and relating them to Jesus's Passion, death, and resurrection.

4. Wordplay: A few years ago, I was struck by the similarity between the words scared, scarred, and sacred, and knew I had to use them together for some kind of wordplay. I just didn't know what kind of wordplay would fit. I usually use my wordsmithing for dumb jokes, but this felt like it needed a different approach, so I waited and wondered until an idea finally hit me just in time for the Month of the Sacred Heart!

5. Fun-Fact: I think this piece marks the first time I've depicted Jesus crucified in Tomics. It's not in my usual style or tone, but that's because those are geared towards comedy, and this is meant to be reverent.

[akaanonymouth]

I went to see a friend yesterday, who I haven't seen since I finished working for her a bloody age ago, and her Mam was like "So... what's new?"

And I'm just like "oh, nothing much. I'm just depressed af and failing at life, but I'm waiting for my girl Jemma Redgrave to realise she was destined to become my wife,"

And my friend is laughing fit to die, her Mam is like "....riiight..." and Mam's new boyfriend is like "Who?!" So there follows a concise (well, sorta haha!) JR film and theatre-ography, and me never being employable in certain circles ever again. Regrets? Non.

[sabergowitz]

GHD

Groundhog Day Broadway reaction post!!!! I’ve been waiting to see it for like a year and a half, and boy howdy do I like this show. I saw one preview, opening night, and once front row! General thoughts, plus a section at the bottom for opening night specifically (aka me stressing unnecessarily about his injury)

Disclaimer one: I wrote about spoilers, stuff I like, stuff I don’t like, staging, the whole nine. largely show-chronological. may not make sense to you unless you’ve seen the show

Disclaimer two: I wrote this on a bus in the middle of the night so it is not the most coherent. 

tl;dr all the people who say “i’m too busy literally spinning on bill murray’s dick to even consider seeing this show” can suck my fucking toe

ACT I

one of the screens in the beginning shows phil talking about the weather on mars? wot is tha abah

that beginning-of-frozen/come from away swag in ‘there will be sun’, that mountain sound. one of the reviewers pointed this out too

I saw one of the reviewers say that not one song was memorable to them after the show??? I don’t know what they were smoking, because I’ve had ‘day one’/””””small town usa”””” stuck in my head since I first saw it

the punxsutawney jingle is so disneyland-ready it’s scary

barrett never enunciates "flood" story. the first time I heard it I was like "blood story? wat"

Also re: barrett -- she fits the character so well and I LOVE her singing voice!!! I think her acting is mostly In Service Of andy, which, duh -- but I’d like her to (and I have confidence she will) make it her own/a little more individual/idiosyncratic. Just the three performances I’ve seen I think she’s growing into it/getting more comfy :3

the "with a kiss- twist!" gets a little laugh, but following it up with "/fuck/" just tickles me every time hehe

love how the point they freeze at in ‘there will be sun’ is right before the sunrise/"oh if i could i'd will these clouds away" stuff - which all happens once phil is freed, and he watches the sunrise with rita :')

I LOVE ned’s chopped and screwed jingle on the third go around. it's like five seconds but it's so good at setting the mood. I am Frankly Appalled that the jingle isn’t on the cast recording, you don’t get the full impact of ‘night will come’ then

did not see ned’s pedo stache on my first two viewings, it grrrrosses me out and is not even ghd-movie-canonical, why this

the drunk driving joke always gets a big laugh which makes me a bit uncomfy

‘nobody cares’ is so FUCKING good. I esp like "shoot some cans, crack some cans, shoot the breeze". I wish they’d perform it at the tonys but alas….

… okay an Aside for tonys performance thoughts: I’d love them to perform ‘nobody cares’ but it would kind of waste andy and I feel like they’d want him prominent. Plus the big car is run on the turntables, which they wouldn’t have on that stage, but maybe they could just block it differently. ‘hope’ would obviously be fucking incredible but I think it’s too Dark and staging-complicated for the tonys. I have a feeling we’re gonna get ‘if I had my time again’ which is fffffine but a little generic for my taste. Obviously the solution is ‘seeing you’, pls. okay moving on (ETA: they are apparently doing a medley that includes one of the Days. I am Nervous about this choice)

still don’t know how they do the bag blowing across the stage so well in ‘philanderer’! I don’t see a string or anything and it blows so realistically

also, important note: when he goes behind the door with nancy and is making ~sex noises~, he is actually in real time also thrusting/writhing up on her, I saw it with my eyes lordy lou

"me, in all my finery! and you, in your - practical attire!" makes me laugh EVERY time I just love how andy delivers it

the shining armor masturbation joke never lands and I think barrett have given up on trying to telegraph it super clearly haha

"same! that is my favorite drink!" handonchest.jpeg

rita's constant response to phil’s sleaziness is "grow up" -- which, I understand that is what they're trying to push thematically for phil? but like grown ass men aren't doing gross ass shit every day???

“for me modesty is second only to humility" is the laugh line for me but "my humility is legend" always gets it

in ‘one day’ when rita sings “metrosexual”, phil points to himself like “me? why you gotta call me out wtf”

in the snowball fight scene, once when rita’s turned away, phil turns to the kids and mouths “FUCK OFF” with hand gestures, I screamed

love how phil’s “fictional man” hits at the same time as rita’s “actual man”, and they’re both right, and they’re both wrong

ACT II

okay ‘playing nancy’. I see what they were going for with this song, but I think we can all agree that “it’s better to be leered at than not desired at all” is A Bad Take, Greg. whatever, none of the reviewers like this song either, it gives people time to get back to their seats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not only is the content strange, but it’s kind of boring musically/melodically too. also I think it’s fucky that they have nancy be a sympathetic character for “taking what men give her”, but shit on rita’s ‘one day’ farm girl for doing the same thing? idk, I haven’t really unpacked all my thoughts about it but it’s not keeping me up at night. they tried, they largely got there, whatevs

the shooting scene before ‘hope’ was so shocking to me when I first saw it, but ‘hope’ itself was just thrilling and exciting. music fixes everything I guess

I love ‘everything about you’, it really struck me in the sternum the first time I saw the show. I’m a BIG sucker for very simplistic imagery communicating larger ideas of love or death or whatever (see also: underwater from caroline or change, origin of love from hedwig and the angry inch)

also “you thought jesus was going to appear from the dark” in your bedroom is totally ripped from the headlines of tim minchin’s life (right? I remember a very similar anecdote from an interview of his) ETA: YES

‘if i had my time again’ is fun and fine!! for me there’s not enough blocking/telegraphing of phil ~truly falling for~ rita. you get some of it in the tilt-a-whirls but it’s pretty hard to follow visually. this song is like a slightly less effective ‘when you’re home’? “feels like you’re showing me around your hometown”, yanno.

“and I would be a lot more zen” immediately followed by “and I would punch a lot of men” same girl

also phil holds the hot dog for SO LONG in this song, I didn’t realize. like for more than half of the song he’s holding this hot dog rita handed to him near the beginning ahahaha

andy karl gets the tony award for best coat-ography, whipping that shit around his shoulders twenty times a show

ned ryerson’s ballad about death is one of my favorite songs, which is a sentence tim minchin made me type with my own two goddamn hands. and john sanders sings it sooooo well I love it. (I like him singing it live better than some of the vocal choices he made on the cast recording)

if I think too hard about what phil is actually doing?? or trying to accomplish?? during that moment it fucks me up so hard. sisyphian 4 real

also the staging at the end of the number, phil (who is dark) following in step behind ned (who is lit) fuck meeee

‘philanthropy’ is the most joyous I have ever been in a theater fight me

also vishal did the whole number and then came back on and was supes sweaty in a tuxedo plus coat, poor thing

and then when all the sound is sucked out of the room and seeing you kicks in I’m d o n e :’’’’’’’’))))))))))

when the final scene comes around and it was clear he had been freed, a lady behind me scoffed and said too loud, “he’s broken out of it now. watch.” and I was like DEBORAH WE’RE ALL AWARE OF THE MOVIE your insight is not necessary pipe down pls

matthew warchus has a talent for ending shows with lovely simple artistic vignettes (ms honey and matilda cartwheeling towards a tiny house, phil and rita with their arms around each other bathed in sunrise) :’)

OPENING NIGHT

maybe it was just me because i had too much coffee beforehand? but I think during the first half I/the audience, plus andy himself, were a little tense/stiff/high strung? not quite ~in the groove~. it is a very anxiety-inducing first half to be fair. (plus it was literally opening night, so.) some of the audience was v aware he was injured: at one point putting on his shoes he almost slipped off the bed platform and a bunch of people gasped/winced. I swear I saw him at one point (when he was stage left, not in the spotlight yet) wave off “no im fine” to someone in the wings. I took deep breaths during intermission to zen out tho, and once he nailed ‘hope’ I was like pshaw we good

he was not quiiiite limping but almost. was stiff. at "with what a dixie cup" I saw him like ~hobbling off the stage :( and he was pulling his punches somewhat with the physical comedy, but I only knew that because I saw him do it at full strength at the preview. I don't think it was obvious to first timers. he didn't go Full Loony Slapstick Panic Attack, it was more like real ass nervous and Stressed, which just made ME stressed because I didn't know if he was struggling injury wise or not

he really gave his all in the slick dancing of ‘philandering’ tho. and everyone was cheering him on, it was great

“one lonely people? c’mon...” *extends his leg with knee brace up onto a diner stool, gestures to it, massages his thigh, literally two distinct applause breaks* “aren't you even curious?”

he kept bending down as the snowball fight scene warrants and I was like BUDDY PLS

in ‘hope’ “there will be mornings you’ll be utterly defeated by your laces” got LAUGHS, I was upset. but people gave crazy cheers each time he woke up again. he just crushed it like fuckin YEAH

when the bell chimes started in for philanthropy my heart rate skyrocketed. instead of doing a silly gangly full on sprint like he did uninjured, he did like, tiny running? in the style of a powerwalker? it was still very comedic and good

‘seeing you’: he broke down/cracked a bit on “I know nothing” and paused, looked upstage, looked at barrett, looked out at the audience, and continued. READER I CRIED

[valdesfraost]

Skimble’s Pro Workout of the Week: Core-ography

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    Skimble’s Pro Workout of the Week: Core-ography published first on https://blog.skimble.com

[childlikemperor]

so... are we gonna have a new touch mv that fits the era aesthetic or nah??? bc like i love my iconic dick-ography video but i just need consistency now that nmss shook me to my very core with visuals

[tomicscomics]

08/23/2024

Kneel before God.

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: In this cartoon, one of the oldest surviving cast members of Tomics -- the Boy -- returns as a junior reporter to ask some of the most important questions about the Faith, such as when we sit or kneel after Communion. Towards the end of the normal Catholic Sunday Mass, everyone lines up, receives the Eucharist, then returns to their pews to pray and reflect until the priest asks them to stand for the final blessing. While praying before that direction to stand, the faithful are welcome to sit or kneel as they see fit. In his interview, the Boy asks a fancy woman whether she sits or kneels after Communion, and she says she sits. That would normally be a fine answer, but then she clarifies that she doesn't sit in her PEW; she sits in her CAR so she can get out of the parking lot before the rest of the Mass-goers exit the church. This is a little poke at people who rush out of Mass right after Communion, which should really only be done in emergencies, not just to beat traffic by skipping the actual end of Mass. Just a little good-natured poke, you see. Maybe even the best-natured, if I'm being honest. They all tell me, "Tom, your natured really is very good." That's what they tell me. They've never seen a natured quite like it.

[tomicscomics]

06/23/2023

JUNE OF ARC continues!  Mondays and Fridays all June long!

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: 1. According to witnesses interviewed after Joan's death, she'd frequently admonish her men for swearing and blaspheming God's Name in her presence.  She'd also make them go to Mass and Confession as frequently as possible.  Imagine having some kid sent to lead your losing army and her first order of business is to nag you.  And not even about training or strategy.  Just conditioning you to watch your language.  "But aw geez, Joan, what's this gotta do with warfare??" an exacerbated young soldier might pule, like Danny LaRusso from Karate Kid. 2. In place of swears and curses, Joan is said (by witnesses) to have used only two age-appropriate expletives, as described in this cartoon.  At the end of the cartoon, she talks about how she hopes the English leave France.  Her sentence is written in such a way where common swears are implied, but are clumsily replaced with "by my baton".  "By my baton" is a specific kind of expletive which doesn't fit at all as a replacement for any of these swears.  This is funny.